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And then he had a new face, a younger one, one that wouldn’t make people go, “Isn’t she a little too young for you?” And he remembers, the fear, the terror, that she wouldn’t want him, that she would leave him. He remembers feeling like he was going to fall apart when he saw that look on her face.
He shouldn’t have worried, though. She came back to him. She did what others sometimes couldn’t and saw that he was still the same person, just a different face.
(“So the year five billion, the sun expands, the earth gets roasted…” “That was our first date.” “We had chips!”)
And then Cassandra was back, and those people, those poor people, who were infected with
everything
, and then the werewolf in Victorian England, and Sarah Jane Smith and the school, Madame de Pompadour and the clockwork robots.
And then the other world- the one where there was Pete and Jackie, but no Rose. Then Cybermen, and Jackie was gone, and Mickey decides to stay, and the Doctor was sure he was falling.
But he didn’t say it, those three magic words, because in the end, he was a timelord and Rose was human. One day the memory of her was going to hurt so much he wouldn’t be able to breathe.
And they left the parallel world, Mickey, Pete, the Preachers, they left it behind, him and Rose, Rose and him. And they were thrust into another adventure, another life or death situation that they would inevitably escape from.
(He sometimes wondered if he should leave her. Drop her off at the Powell Estate, never look back. But then he remembers what is coming, and he decides that he doesn’t want that day to arrive anytime soon.)
And then it was the crowning of the Queen, the television, and still, still whenever he thinks about it he is filled with a blind rage that makes him want to scream at the sky. Because they
left
her, lying there by the side of the road. Unable to move, unable to speak, to cry out for help. They
left
her like she was
trash
, when she was
better than the fucking stars
.
And the pit, the embodiment of Satan, and he didn’t tell her. He still never said those three damn words. He was going to, he was so close.
(“If you talk to Rose- just tell her… tell her… oh, she knows.”)
And the Olympics, the daughter with the amazing powers, and he
still didn’t tell her.
But then Pete is back, there are ghosts roaming the streets, Mickey is there, and their plans seems to be
working
. The cybers and the daleks are being sucked into the void, into Hell, and he thought they were going to get out. Thought that that day wasn’t going to come. But Rose’s grip slips, and Pete catches her before she gets sucked into the void, and the crack is closed.
And then the supernova, Bad Wolf Bay, and she said it, those three words that they would
never
be able to say again,
(“I love you.”)
and he was
going
to say it, he was so fucking close,
(“Quite right too. And I suppose if it’s my last chance to say it, Rose Tyler, I-”)
but then she was gone.
She was on the beach, worlds away, and he was alone in his lonely Tardis, mouthing the words he never got to say.
Time drips like moonlight, like wax spilling from a candle, and he realizes that the day has come.
And he feels like he’s dying.