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Adrenaline comes out of the left field, and sucker punches Harper in the cheek. Not unusual, considering she was also running on about three cups of coffee (black, doubly black, like her soul at that point), maybe at least one energy drink, that smelt kind of funny and was electric blue in her glass, and just,Feelings. The worst kind of energy booster, because it made everything rose coloured and unreasonable, and sometimes a little sad. Or happy. Or mad. Harper had to admit she hadn’t always been good with feelings, as they always gate crashed when they weren’t invited to the party. Like right now. Like why she threw on a jacket that was crumpled and bundled her hair up in a scarf in an attempt to hide how she needed a shower. How her mannequin sat, unfinished and sad, stuck with pins and notes and measurements, because it was getting past seven. Late. She was so late. Harper imagined a little white rabbit with a clock running ahead, as she grabbed keys, purse, phone. As she legged it out the hallway, joining the throng of students.Feelings sucked, because they were making her break all her little rules, ignored her homework, and run headfirst into unknown territory. Sure, she said she’d go (with everyone else) to his show (because everyone else was going, and not because he asked her personally), and Harper couldn’t turn down a friend, right? That would be rude. Harper tried to be anything but blatantly rude. Raquel sees her before she sees Raquel. Whatever, it worked, because they clamber into the back of so-and-so’s car, everyone talking a mile a minute. First time in a long time Axel had apparently secured tickets for friends, or so the conversation went. First time in a long time he’d let people backstage, too. Whatever that implication was, as Raquel slowed her words pointedly, maintained a threatening level of eye contact, and shook Harper a little. Okay, so people joked Harper had some sort of magic sway over Axel, but right now it was feeling like a two-way street, and people just weren’t seeing her side. She wasn’t social social, only really fond of the odd dramatic appearance at bigger things. She wasn’t an active purveyor of the music scene. Concerts were just if she remembered, and if she managed to convince others to come along. The most live band experience she had was those in beer gardens, when Harper was dragged out to some family event, and dinner was at the local restaurant. This was getting to be so far out of her depth, Harper could feel the water rising.Or maybe it was just the blood in her cheeks, when someone opened a live stream. They weren’t late, per say, and definitely not early. But Axel was on stage, greeting fans, talking through screams. Someone near the front was getting a full HD version of him, and all Harper had was a grainy screen, barely catching the things he was saying, all of it drowned out by people screaming they loved him.And here she was. Harper K., voted most likely to date a rockstar. It wasn’t for lack of trying, anyway. Sitting back, Harper continued to stare at her nails, at the window, at anything besides what everyone else was watching. How animated Axel was, answering questions, talking about releases, winking into cameras as he went. They’d talked about that, the persona he puts on. Some days, there wasn’t a difference between Axel and Axel. Other days, there really was.Harper kind of didn’t want to start splitting them apart at that stage. Especially not when they arrive, ushered backstage before anyone caught wind of them doing so. Something about a private list, the agent practically blowing steam from his ears at such a thing, but they get the fancy bracelets and lanyards. Get a gift bag of merchandise that gets a lot of laughs and one suggestion from Harper herself about how much these would go for online.“A good couple of hundred, definitely.”There’s a few cheers of ‘Axel!’ when he throws his two cents in. Harper manages a ‘hey’, that thankfully sounded a lot stronger than she felt. No, she wasn’t going to focus on how he looked good, and not the putting it on for his waiting crowd, but for once he was. Just. Good. Nice. Clean?Fuck, Harper thinks, and it might’ve shown on her face, from the way even Tyler rolls his eyes at her. Oh, whatever. It’s not her fault they had been teetering on the edge of will they, won’t they for at least a good month. Maybe more. Not like Harper was actually keeping track of these things, because that meant thinking and talking about feelings, and right now. Right now Axel was in front of her, smiling and chatting and doing that thing with his hands she couldn’t stop watching. Oh man. She was in so deep and it sucked. It sucked because she wanted to like. Kiss him. Or throw him down. One or the other, right now she couldn’t figure it out, hyper aware of her jacket that barely managed to look decent after hanging off her for a good half an hour, or how her hair was greasy, or that thank god she packed one of those stupid mini perfumes her aunt bought her every year. Not like she was going to linger on why she cared so much, either. God, he was wearing jeans that looked a size too small and it was doing things to her. She was mad. At him, at the fashion industry. Everything. Hormones definitely included.Whatever the conversation was, she lost it. Completely and totally, too busy focusing on the outline of Axel’s ass in those jeans, or how he was doing that stupid little half smile that was all kinds of rude, and how she was so dumb. So dumb and blind and Harper wasn’t sure if this was the point where she was supposed to give up and accept fate. Yeah? Nah? Either option wasn’t looking too good.Raquel loops her arm through Harper’s, signalling the end of the conversation. Something about moving them to the seats set aside, or whatever. Wherever. Axel’s agent looked like he was going to blow a casket, and everyone was having too much fun with it. “Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!”A hoot joins Raquel, and Harper begins to follow when Axel speaks up. “Can I speak to Harper for a second?”Oh. No. At least three different alarms were going off in her head, as Raquel wiggles her eyebrows with a ‘take all the seconds you need,’ followed with his agent saying something about needing to get onstage. Now. Like ten minutes ago. “It’ll just take a minute.”“You said a second!”Axel smiles, all cheeky and smarmy, causing Harper’s stomach to flipflop. Heavily. Whatever butterflies were taking up residence in her gut needed to consider new housing, because she was having none of this weak-knees bullshit, no sir. Feeling a little like a doll being pushed and pulled, with how Raquel completely throws her into Axel and runs off with everyone else, Harper wants to complain. Wants to pout a little and suck up to Ellie, or just drown herself in fancy material and homework for the rest of the night. Something other than catching her breath as she stares up at Axel, noticing how pretty his eyes were in this light, and how he hadn’t stopped smiling since they arrived. “Hey,” he says, and it’s so infuriating on some level, that he wasn’t worrying the way she was practically going to combust. Did he not feel the tension right now? Was she reading all the wrong signs? After all, she’d only spent the last few weekends hauled up in different bedrooms, crying into tubs of ice cream over her problems, to whoever could put up with her long enough.But Harper responds. “Hey.”“You look good.” Axel slips from a soft smile to a wide grin. Damn him. Damn him and his pretty face. And whatever type of cologne he was wearing, because the pretty boy smelt pretty damn good. “You clean up well too, y’know. Trying to outshine me here?” Tries to keep her tone light and teasing, because if Axel was going to ignore the way his agent was crawling up the walls, then so would she. If only because she was sure she’d be up there soon, too, anyway.Looks over his shoulder, if only to control her heartbeat. One day, her body wouldn’t betray her like this. Especially not when she was greasy and tired, remnants of pencil on the sides of her hands, the odd pen mark on her fingers. Maybe a line on her pants she was acutely aware of. Ew.Harper notices that he stopped talking then, or at least had no intention to keep going. Good. Thank you very much, she thinks, and finally looks at him. And notices how his face just got closer. Well, shit.This was. Well. It was very different. Axel was warm and Harper was distinctly aware of the strawberry flavoured lip balm, and his hands on her waist, and how his eyes slid shut. Maybe she should shut hers too. Maybe she should get more into it. Whatever thoughts and actions she wanted to have, there was a disconnect between everything, because she was pretty sure synapses caught on fire, and someone threw a bucket of confetti on everything.Mostly because lord have mercy, but Axel was kissing her — slipping her a bit of tongue, even — and was clearly ignoring the squawking around them. Fine. She could ignore them too. Slips her arms around his neck and kisses back a little harder, a little better into it on her behalf. Tilts her head, closes her eyes. Harper won’t deny that the fire roaring in her wasn’t wholly bad, with just how she tingled. Harper would cover up the fact that she might’ve thought an ‘oh yeah baby’, as that thought was just between her and the other mini Harper’s running in her head, one part celebration, one part also celebration but louder.Goddamn, if she’d known kissing Axel was this good, she might’ve done it earlier. Thank god he was clearly more confident than her, right then, at that exact moment.