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It was 1 month after he shot Alfie Solomons, former business partner and sort of friend. 1 month since the vendetta ended. 1 month into Tommy's holiday and it was not working out as planned, the peace normal people found when resting eluded Tommy. The demons were clawing at the door, creeping in the shadows, days and nights were spent in a drunken stupor locked in his office all blurring into one mess of time. Tommy was all alone with his own mind, completely out of control. He was scrabbling around in the dark, unable break the surface of the tunnel collapse he was trapped in, the blood on his hands impossible to remove.The killing of Alfie Solomons is what tipped him so far over the edge, he knows it deep down. No matter how much he was able to reason with himself at the time, that it was an act of kindness, the fucking cancer would have been a worse death, it didn't get rid of Alfie's blood on his hands. It felt thicker somehow, fresher, permanently coating his flesh, seeping into his black, rotted soul. Cancer is not the way Alfie should have met his end after a life of such violence, misery and death, much too slow and humiliating. Granted much of this they brought upon themselves but the cancer was caused by something completely out of their control, the fucking mustard gas, the war. They were all killed by the war, some of them still existed like ghosts stuck between worlds as the sands trickled through the hourglass. Living on borrowed time.He watched Alfie get weaker through all the meetings and negotiations, watching Alfie rely on his cane more and more until it seemed he struggled to walk without it. Never asking about it, just business he told himself. He wishes he had done something, anything really, so it hadn't ended the way it did. But he had given Alfie Solomons more chances than he would ever have given anyone, he would not be making that mistake again. Tommy didn't want to think about why he had. That was a whole other problem he thought had been burned out of him by the life he had lead, the death and destruction he had witnessed. He would never admit to himself that he needed someone but it could be useful to have Alfie alive right now.He was sick of making all the decisions, having sole responsibility for every fucking little thing. Every fucking plan. Every fucking life. Of which there had been many, granted in war there are casualties but all that weight fell on his shoulders, all those fucking bodies, it was so much to carry. He was weighted to the floor with no way of picking himself up. The bodies piled around his ankles, bolting his feet to the floor. He was buried in enemies but worse, he was drowning in the blood of his friends, some who died for him, others just caught in the crossfire but all the blood tasted the same. The only person who could have understood this weight is lying dead. In the sand. On a beach. In fucking Margate. Fuck. How had he gotten so caught up in this hellish whirlwind? Gin a drink for incurable sorrow indeed. He finished the rest of the bottle that was clutched in his hand and laid, well more like tumbled to the floor, eyes closed, trying to shake the thoughts of Alfie from his head.Sleep was a distant memory for Tommy, unlike the war, the shells crashing in the middle of the night. The shovels, fucking shovels, constantly there battering at his sanity, head full of smoke, deafened by guns. No one could get through, no amount of smoke or gin or whiskey could stop the hell in his head. Idle hands and all that. And even with that going on when he finally fell into a broken and tortured slumber the image of Alfie Solomons' body surfaced, laid limp like a ragdoll, blood mixing with the sand on the beach. Turning the sand red, tainting the air with the scent of copper and gunpowder. It was this scene that had Tommy waking, drowning in sweat, and shaking like a leaf in the tumultuous winter wind that whipped up the factory smoke back home in Small Heath. He would never admit that he was this weak but he was trapped in a completely unfamiliar place. When he was completely lost in his own mind he would find himself talking to a spectre with a beard and a cane helping him through, trying to bring him back, bring him past the fear but it just made him angry with its taunting and jeering and constant talking in a loud brash voice about absolute nonsense.The dead of night brought all his pain, his sins to the forefront of his mind in an inescapable tornado of blood and regret, this lead to him stumbling and rampaging in a drunken state through the small office he had sequestered himself in. The spinning thoughts in his head left a scene akin to that of a natural disaster in its wake. The furniture broken, mirrors destroyed. All Tommy could see when he gazed at his reflection was his face covered in dirt and blood with tear tracks streaking through the grime. So all the mirrors were smashed, fuck the bad luck it would bring. Nothing could get any worse for him. His arms were bloody with scratches from ragged chewed fingernails, biting into his flesh, trying desperately to make him feel real, draw him back into his own body. When this ceased to work the broken glass of the mirrors cut deeper, exorcising his demons until he was dizzy from the blood spilling in crimson rivers down his arms.This is how Tommy found himself in the weak morning light. Surrounded by shards of glass from broken bottles and mirrors, staring into nothing, bleeding into the rug beneath him. Except Tommy wasn't staring at nothing. It was Alfie back from the dead but looking like he did when they first met wearing a loose-fitting shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbows exposing his strong forearms and hairy chest just a bit and then the open woolen waistcoat, eyes glinting dangerously and that slight smile hidden by his thick beard, hair unkempt and thick. Tommy is just as broken now as he was then except this time there was nobody sat across from him, there was no deal to be made, no more deals ever needed to be made. But god does he miss the banter and the negotiations. He replays that first meeting on an almost constant loop in his head the electricity and tension in the room was palpable, watching the large, hulking figure of Alfie Solomons towering over him was an impression he would never forget."Put him down Ollie. Put him down mate. He's only little. You come alone?" Alfie asked in his thick South London accent.
"Seems like it," Tommy replied, being a man of few words and all.
"Well you're a brave boy int'ya. Wanna take a look at my bakery, we bake all sorts here mate. Did you know we bake over 10,000 loaves a week? Can you believe it... We bake the white bread... We bake the brown bread... We bake all sorts. Would you like to try some?" Alfie said leading Tommy further into the bakery. When they reached the trial area the 'bread' was laid out.
"Bread? Yeah?" Alfie asked with a smirk glancing at the bottles of rum, his eyes flicked back to Tommy boring into him with an intensity he had never seen before, the glint just behind the eyes gave Tommy the feeling of being in the company of a half-starved dog, bordering on madness.
"Alright" Tommy answered never breaking eye contact, he could hear his own pulse hammering behind his skull, reasoning that was to do with the recent run in with the Sabini.
"What would you like, Brown or White?" Alfie asked, eyes still fixed on Tommy, Tommy turned his gaze to the bottles of rum.
"Try the brown." Tommy answered in a cool tone,
"Brown, right." One of Alfie's men poured the brown into 2 glasses, Tommy took his as did Alfie, however, Alfie never took a sip. Watching Tommy's every move with a burning curiosity. As Tommy took a sip not a single facial muscle moved, he knew next to nothing about rum. Not his drink of choice. However neither was gin at this point in his life, that was a new revelation, gin for sorrow and death, rum for fun and fucking.
"Not bad," Tommy replied looking back into those crazed eyes.
"Not bad eh? Not bad? It's fucking awful that stuff. Brown stuff it's for the worker's that mate." Alfie grimaced at that. "The white stuff yeah? Now that's for the bosses, come along." Alfie lead him into the bowels of the bakery, past the crates all packaged up, ready for shipping to wherever.Once they were both seated in Alfie's office, just a glass box with the usual office stuff in the back of the bakery really, nothing too fancy, much like Alfie Solomons himself, wearing the loose fitting shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbows exposing his forearms and chest just a bit and then the open woollen waistcoat. Made more of a statement than Tommy's full suit. It was the outfit of someone so sure of himself he didn't need to look like he meant business, his entire demeanour screamed business, the fact he was built like a brick shithouse with that dangerous glint in his eyes meant he struck fear into most men. The fact Tommy didn't even flinch when Alfie pulled the gun on him, didn't even move to wipe the blood trickling from his nose seemed to surprise Alfie more than any other action he could have taken. Obviously that awful business with Billy Kimber was brought up since that is how he seemed to be known in London all those years ago. Alfie would be right not to trust him, however he must have seen something in Tommy that made him willing to take the risk. Tommy wishes he had asked when he had the chance. He wants to see Alfie one last time and have a conversation, an honest, normal conversation. Alfie was there when he needed him with the Russians. That was a fuck up from start to fucking finish, fucking Churchill. Tommy shook from his mind and looked around the room trying to find what had entered his conscious mind, he turned to see his maid, Frances stood there with that concerned and slightly frightened look in her eyes, "There is a man here to see you Mr Shelby. He has been quite persistent. Old friend apparently. Alfie Solomons?" Tommy just turned his head and fixed her with wide eyes at the mention of his deceased business partner.She left the room and closed the door with a slightly shaking hand. In Tommy's head, Alfie Solomons was alive and well stood in the corner, smirking at him with the fire light dancing in his eyes under his hat, both hands atop his cane steady and solid and warm. Except he wasn't really there, so the warmth was completely fictional. He began to smile back at the ghost in the corner but he was broken out of his reverie again when he heard the unmistakable sound of footsteps accompanied by the light tap of a cane on his polished wooden floors. Must all be in his head, wouldn't be the first time he has heard things that aren't real or seen things that aren't there, hell he even has conversations with the spectre of Alfie Solomons. He heard the door open again, standing there in the doorway was Alfie Solomons, alive and well, looking better than he did the last time he had seen him all things considered. Maybe a little more aged around the eyes but being dead would do that to a man."You look fucking disgusting mate, what's happened to your arms Thomas? Missed me did ya sweetie." Alfie said with something akin to pity in his voice or it could have been pain, could be a mix of both, Tommy has never been good with emotions, bury it, hide it, seal it in a box. However this cannot be real, Alfie is dead. He shot him and left him to bleed out on the beach.
Alfie is walking towards him now, slightly unsteady on his feet, bending down with knuckles whitening with his grip on his cane, Alfie places a warm, solid hand on his shoulder and with a squeeze just uttered, "Silly boy, what have you done to yourself?"
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
1 month since Tommy shot him on the beach and left him for dead. 1 month of healing and shitting all over medical professionals' opinions and predictions. 1 month since he saw the hollowed eyes of Thomas Shelby and stared down the barrel of his gun. 1 month since he told his closest friend he had cancer and asked to die. Apparently he was a miracle. Now he may be Jewish but that does not mean he puts any faith in the higher powers. If he was a God fearing man he would never have become the leader he is, the business man he was and the ruthless gangster he is known as, for God fearing men fear the consequences of their actions and therefore are unable to take the necessary risks or the brutal actions required to make a name for themselves in this world.Now Alfie is back on his feet and to be honest most of the world thinks he is dead, he didn't actually go alone to that meeting with Tommy, Syril was there obviously and that bastard dog had been trained to fetch someone if Mr Solomons suddenly collapsed so Ollie was waiting in the car. Just in case Tommy just left the body. However Tommy didn't shoot straight, his hands must have been shaking. Killing someone you know well does that sometimes. Alfie knows he would have been able to kill Tommy easily based on skill alone. However whether he had the stomach for it who knows, it'll never happen anyway. As far as he is considered he plans to stay dead. Or at least that's what he told himself as he laid on the sand in Margate, listening to the waves.Now 1 month on he had grown restless and the image his mind seemed to fix on was Thomas fucking Shelby's broken face from the day on the beach, he had looked worn and his shoulders slumped in a way Alfie had never really seen, he was looking more and more like that broken vase that had been stuck together by an horse everyday and Alfie, the sodomite that he is, wanted to fix Tommy Shelby, put those jagged pieces back together anyway he could.
He remembers the first time they met. Fond memory, that. Tommy all battered and bruised surrounded by that cloud of cigarette smoke, dressed to the nines. Perfectly put together aside from the bruises on his face. The only time there was any sign of weakness was when he made a move to sit, must have broken a few ribs in the beating. Then when Alfie pointed that gun to his head and his nose started bleeding, Tommy just sat there. No flinching. No fear. No desperation. Everyone else he had pulled that trick on had shit themselves and started sweating, some even begging for their lives. The amount of cabinets Alfie had replaced was obscene really but you don't do deals with people like that. You do deals with people like Thomas Shelby. The risk takers. Those already dead. Everyone who fought in the war died there, anytime after that is just extra. And Tommy as well as Alfie had had plenty of extra time. But never the time to heal, for if they stopped they died. Now Alfie had battled his demons some time ago. Of course they were always going to be there and they had turned him slightly mad but at least he held his shit together.Alfie wasn't one for drinking without occasion, never been one for opium and not one for smoking much either. He much preferred a clear head however at times like these he wishes he had something to take the edge off. He wasn't supposed to drink at all actually but he wasn't one for doing what he is told so he cracked out the bottle of gin he had been saving for some such occasion. Getting sentimental in his old age, reckoning with the fact he was riddled with cancer sentimentality was something he allowed within himself nowadays. Especially when it came to little Thomas Shelby.And that he believes is how he came to be making the long trip up to Mr Shelby's castle in the middle of the night like the wandering Jew he so delightfully announced himself as the first time he was summoned to serve Tommy Shelby in his big house and do his fucking bidding. The only reason he said yes was because of the drop of fear in his business partners' eyes. He didn't like that look and of course the silly boy had got himself mixed up with Russian business and the government. Everyone else seemed to undersetimate the small time gangster from Birmingham but not Alfie, he saw that potential, however he didn't want to just use Tommy and throw him away, he was thinking long term, everyone else treated Tommy as disposable and it broke Alfie's heart to think of the times he had been forced to do the same to his dear friend. Fucking Changretta. Luca Changretta, Scourge of the earth those fucking wops, causes his back to seize up just thinking about the fucking cunts.He forgot how long the drive from London to Shelby Castle is, been a long time since he made the drive himself, plenty of time to think about what the fuck he was actually going to do once he got there, for all he knew Tommy would be taking a holiday himself, but if he knows Tommy like he thinks he does he will be sat in his office working like those horses he is so fucking fond of. Alfie never understood the obsession with horses that Tommy has, reckoning it must be some pikey tradition what with em still using the beasts for transport and such, nah Alfie himself much more of a dog person, loyal creatures, faithful but lethal nonetheless. Alfie and his affiliation with predators, Tommy and his affiliation with prey. Must be some subconscious metaphor there but Alfie can't be fucked to figure that out right now. Something to muse about at a later date.The drive took far too long for Alfie really, spur of the moment decisions he was used to, however, it taking this much time to act on, well, Alfie being a man of such faith in himself was not used to getting damp palms, especially not at the thought of some blue eyed boy. But this wasn't any blue eyed boy, it is Thomas fucking Shelby and that man is the only man Alfie has ever truly respected enough to leave well enough alone and not force his own ideas or tendencies on him. Prettiest thing his tired eyes ever did see, even without his 'magic' glasses. Cheekbones that could cut glass and that mouth, god that soft pliant mouth. Alfie has had some sordid dreams about what he would do with that mouth given the opportunity. Tommy would have a full mouth without a cigarette if Alfie had his way. See unlike Tommy, Alfie came to terms with his preferences long ago. Women were not his forte, alright as people usually had more sense than blokes but did they get his dick hard? Nah. Men were what Alfie sought out though there had not been that many and no one he kept around for more than one night. But Tommy well, he reckons he'd like to keep Tommy. This was his last thought as he pulled onto the driveway of Shelby Mansion. Parking the car was no problem when there was that much space but the crunch of the gravel beneath the wheels was a sound he hadn't heard in far too long. He stepped slowly out of the car using his cane for balance and righting himself with both feet firmly planted in the here and now. Walking up the steps he goes to knock on the door when suddenly a wave of doubt washes over him... Fuck what should he say? This has to be the first time in his life where he is lost for words. Damn you Thomas fucking Shelby. Well to hell with it. Alfie smacked his fist loudly into the door, realising the time he stepped back from the door and gazed into the many windows, no lights coming from any of the windows. He almost hobbles back to his car, stomach churning slightly at the idea of never seeing Tommy again, but then he hears hurried footsteps coming from inside the house and the lock clicking. With a slight creak of the hinges the door behind him opens and a maid is stood there looking rather tired.
"I am sorry, Mr Shelby is not seeing any visitors at present." She said in a slightly frazzled tone.
At this Alfie looks up and fixes her with a stare that gives no room for argument, "I think Mr Shelby will be making an exception, I have travelled quite a distance through the night and could use a good cuppa and a sit down in a comfortable chair. Old friend I am. The name is Solomons, Alfie Solomons. Just call me Alfie."
The maid who still hasn't given her name allows him in but informs him that Mr Shelby has not been well of late and does not take kindly to people any longer. Now this troubles Alfie deeply, Tommy never did rely on anyone but himself, however, he wasn't one to turn people away he also wasn't one for dark rooms, which Alfie noticed pretty quickly when showing Tommy the cellars below the bakery. Tommy became all twitchy in the small dark spaces. Being a tunneller in the war Alfie reckons is what caused that particular aversion. But once Alfie was inside he watched where the maid went so as to follow her when she, no doubt, came back and told him to fuck off courtesy of Tommy. However Alfie had no intentions of leaving without seeing the master of the house, especially since his worry was growing. He heard a door open not too far along the hall and figured it would be the one door that was unlocked.While he was stood in the entryway musing about what was keeping the maid he heard the sound of a small child crying, must be Charlie. God the kid must be at least 6 by now. The maid reappeared at the top of the staircase and informed him he would have to be on his way as the master is not well and cannot receive visitors. Alfie then turned to the maid and said he never did what Thomas Shelby asked so why would he start now. And with that said he began the ascent of the grand mahogany staircase, slowly ambling trying doors along the corridor until he found the right one. The sight that greeted him was possibly one of the most heartbreaking things he had ever witnessed. There lying on the floor was a version of Thomas Shelby Alfie prayed he would never see, a thin, broken man. A ghost of himself. Bleeding from the wrists with sunken eyes and pain written into every line of his face. "You look fucking disgusting mate, what's happened to your face Thomas? Missed me did ya sweetie." Alfie said with something akin to pity in his voice or it could have been pain, could be a mix of both. Alfie is walking towards him now, slightly unsteady on his feet, bending down with knuckles white on his cane. A warm solid hand placed on Tommy's shoulder. With a sure but gentle squeeze just uttered, "Silly boy, what have you done to yourself?"
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Tommy looked up at Alfie with ghosts swimming in his eyes, fear slowly rising to the surface. Barely holding back a sob, Tommy scrambled out of his grasp, dragging himself painfully over broken glass to cower in the corner of the room. The gentleness and warmth of Alfie's hand on his shoulder, so alien and forbidden, slicing him through with unadulterated panic. Something Tommy had actively avoided since Grace. No, he couldn't think about her right now. That was the one topic so securely locked away that, even in his current state, his mind didn't dare unlock, for if it did Tommy would not be able to resist the urge to take his pistol and put a shiny new bullet through his own skull. His one love, taken from him so brutally, feeling her die in his arms drained all the happiness and gentility out of him while the life drained out of her. So no, no thinking that name. He was just so cold now, the freezing waters dragging him under, seeping into his bones, filling his lungs, stealing all memories of warmth. He couldn't do this anymore, he just wanted an end to all this pain. Wait. His thoughts halted their spinning as realisation dawned, ghosts and spectres couldn't physically touch you so that must mean... must mean. FUCK. Alfie is stood in front of him. No this can't be real. No. No. No. But if it's real how come he is still alive? Surely Alfie should have killed him by now. It would make sense. He did shoot him first. So what was Alfie Solomons doing in his office if not to kill him? Furthermore, how is he still alive?Watching Tommy drag himself through the glass in such a frantic manner halted Alfie Solomons in his tracks. This is not what he was expecting to find, he was scared for the man before him. "Woah Tommy woah," he said in a calm, even tone, hands held open like you would to soothe an horse, "I'm not gonna hurt ya, sweetie, alright, I'm here because..." Well why was he here actually, he didn't even know the answer to that question. Fuck it, just be honest. "I'm here because I had to check up on my favourite business partner din't I? After our little falling out and all that messy business. Life is just not the same without you init mate. Only one Thomas Shelby int there." He said this while moving closer ever so slowly so as not to startle the ghost of Thomas Shelby, curled in a ball, bleeding all over.It was like trying to calm an animal caught in a snare. Alfie altered his usual loud and brash tactics to soothing tones and slow moves, creeping closer until he was eye level with Tommy, right in front of him. He refrained from touching him though, after the reaction last time, Tommy might actually have tried to tunnel through his own fucking walls, using nothing but his bloody hands. Tommy couldn't breathe, couldn't hear anything but the sound of blood rushing in his own head, he was aware of the tears rolling down his cheeks but unable to move or stop them falling. Lungs burning, screaming for oxygen, buried all over again under the sludge, bodies weighing him down, forcing him further into the hell he would never escape, the righteous flames he was destined for. To choke on the dirt blood for eternity. Maybe Alfie had shot him after all. It was the only thing that would make any sense. Once he opened his eyes again his vision was filled with Alfie Solomons, the man smelled like petrol and leather, he smelled like the outdoors. He wanted to push his face forward into the scent, drown in it, no more mud or blood, just Alfie. But when he raised his hands to grab the man that was all he could see, the dirt and the blood. Paralysed by fear, his vision now filled with his blood-soaked hands, shaking in the dim light of the embers in the fireplace. He was fixated by the gore coating his skin, unable to see past his own sins.Alfie opened his mouth and out tumbled soothing words trying to disguise the slight panic in his voice, "Tommy look at me, I need you to look at me, love." Tommy finally looked Alfie in the eye and he could see the fear be replaced by confusion, reality sinking back in."Alfie." Tommy replied with a hoarse voice, shaking like the rest of him."Yeah that's right, it's me, back from the dead mate. Your shots aren't as good as they used to be." Tommy let out a rather weak puff of breath. "Good job I came init treacle, you look like you could use some looking after and since for all intents and purposes, yeah, I'm 6 feet under so by my reckoning, I think I could stay and help stick those jagged pieces back together better than any horse could. C'mon let me get you up."Alfie moved to grab Tommy under the arms in slow, measured movements, trying to get him on his feet. After slowly grasping Tommy under the arms, trying to hold him steady, he managed to slowly manoeuvre the limp bag of bones that was Thomas to the rather comfortable sofa, all this squatting and lifting wasn't helping his aching joints.With the movement came a rather violent flinch from Tommy, but Alfie just got him stood up, taking the brunt of his weight, albeit Tommy did not weigh much but Alfie was getting on in years and carrying his own weight these days was a bit of a struggle, never mind someone else's. As he pulled Tommy close he realised just how many jagged edges Tommy had. His hip bone and ribs digging into Alfie's side. How long had Tommy been like this? Had no one checked on him? His maid seemed like a bit of a wet lemon so no help was going to come from her. Actually, of course, no one had come to check on Tommy. He was the strong one, always held everything together. Until he stopped, that's when his demons came crashing through the door. Well, now Alfie had some rumination of his own. He carefully deposited Tommy on the sofa, taking a seat next to him, wincing as his joints protested. He didn't remove his arm from around the shaking man, fearing that if he did Tommy would disappear like smoke in a breeze. Now he had the time to properly study the man next to him, he spotted the little things like the small scratches on his face, the deep black circles under eyes devoid of life, the pallid tone of his skin that was covered with a sheen of sweat. His body, well he might as well have been dead, looking like a fucking corpse, physically wasting away. No wonder he was losing his mind. Not sleeping for weeks at a time and not eating, plus drinking gin relentlessly if the amount of broken bottles on the floor was anything to go by. That amount of poison would turn any man's brain against him. The product of self-destruction before him was beyond belief. Poor Thomas. Never dealt with the war, never grieved for all the people he has lost. Never had time to process the loss of his innocence or the deaths, now he did it was far too much to sift through on his own. The dam had burst and swept away all his carefully constructed walls like they were made of paper. Now here was Alfie, like some sort of Angel back from the dead to fix him. Tommy couldn't quite wrap his head around that one. He just let Alfie keep his arm in place. He wanted so much to relax into him but he knew if he did he wouldn't be able to take it back, he didn't think he could handle any more shit right now, hell he wasn't even handling the shit he already had. But he could feel the warmth radiating from the larger man next to him, could feel the need to be held creeping in his head. Alfie noticed Tommy slowly relaxing into him, this did not seem to be a conscious decision on Tommy's part as the shaking and twitching continued, Alfie held his breath until suddenly Tommy was leaning his entire skeletal frame against him. No rearranging was possible with the state of Tommy's head but it didn't seem to be needed, almost a perfect fit if it weren't for so many of Tommy's bones being on show. What Alfie had next to him was not the Thomas Shelby he knew, it was someone else wearing his skin. Alfie just needed to hold him tight enough to squash some of those pieces back together fix. Which is why he was currently sat on the sofa with both arms wrapped tightly around Tommy who was finally silent and settling down in his arms. He had not imagined that this was how his resurrection with Thomas Shelby would go, he expected more fighting and less of a broken mess at his side. But this he would be able to handle. He could get Tommy through this. He had purpose again
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
As the sun continued to rise, Tommy's mind began slowing little by little, just enough to register the warmth next to him as a body, matching the unmistakable scent of Alfie Solomons' to the arms wrapped around him. Still not back in the driving seat of his mind, he snuggled closer into the warmth as he felt the noise in his head go quiet, oxygen finally reach his lungs. It was like breaching the surface of a lake, finally getting to taste the sweet, clean air again. Blissful and cleansing. With the panic clearing, he began to succumb to the exhaustion pulling him down into unconsciousness.Alfie felt the man at his side relax, breathing more even, he gripped him tight, holding him close. Cane resting against his leg he began stroking through the greasy locks on his friend's head, trying to soothe the clammy man next to him and give him some comfort.A worried frown graced his face as he looked down at the man he held so carefully, like a delicate flower, that could be crushed so easily if he held too tightly. The blood-soaked shirt sleeves, black circles under his eyes, the raspy breaths that sounded too similar to his own. Not to mention the stench of alcohol, blood and stale sweat emanating from him. All this painted a dreadful picture of what Tommy had been grappling with for the last month. With an uncharacteristic gentleness Alfie began unbuttoning the dirty shirt, laying Tommy down on the sofa, head carefully propped up on a pillow. He removed his boots, taking in the state before him whilst said state wasn't attempting to feign cold indifference, for once in his life.The most worrying part of Tommy's appearance wasn't the dark circles under his eyes or the fact he was malnourished, neither of these things were particularly unusual but the mixture of fresh and dried blood painting his arms, welling from self-inflicted wounds in an ongoing horror, tainting the air with the metallic scent. It was the cuts and slashes in his arms as well as the old scars that had Alfie scratching his beard in thought. This was not something new to Alfie. He understood it. It was a way to feel something real, something to ground yourself and release the pain built up inside. But leaving open wounds of that severity untreated would cause real problems. Alfie daren't leave the room in case Tommy's condition changed but rang a bell to call for the maid. No more than 5 minutes later the maid appeared wringing her hands together."Fetch me some bandages or linen and a bowl of warm water will ya? Be quick about it. These wounds need seeing to." Alfie said in hushed tones so as not to disturb the sleeping man that was now in his care."Also a needle and thread," he said thoughtfully analysing the skeletal arms in front of him. "Some of these look like they need stitches." Never looking up from the fool in front of him.The maid gave a curt nod and left the room closing the door silently on her way out. A hopeful smile on her face. Pleased that finally, someone had appeared to take care of the master of the house. God knows he needed it. Even if this someone did come in the form of a rather brash and potentially brutish man. However, the scene she walked into contradicted the outward appearance of the 'Wandering Jew', giving her strength, renewing her faith that maybe someone was watching down on her boss. He deserved some peace after all the violence and conflict. "Oh Tommy darling, you really have gone and done it this time haven't ya. Gonna take some time to get all this cleaned up and tended to. Know you hate hospitals and it's a good job I've seen my share of battle wounds init. Got a strong stomach, I have. What with the business we are in, or were in more like. Wouldn't do to get queasy at the sight of blood. Could cause some problems, that. Like being back in France with you about. Don't worry. I'm here to take care of you now."Alfie chuckled humourlessly to himself even with that said."No more dealing with this shit on your own you fucking moron." All this was said to himself of course, he knew Tommy couldn't hear him, not really. But maybe he was hoping some of this would get into that battered brain, ease Tommy through what was, no doubt, going to be another awful slumber. It would be different now though, he was here.As Tommy laid there unconscious Alfie grabbed a chair that still remarkably had all its legs, placing it near Tommy's head so he could continue to card his hands through Tommy's hair in an attempt to bring some peace to the battered soul laid before him. He longed to lean forward and press his lips ever so gentle like to the forehead of his old business partner but he feared the consequences, that Tommy would wake with eyes wide and cast him from his life in a moment of clarity. Not that Alfie would leave so suddenly. He wasn't scared of what Thomas Shelby would do to him. More terrified of what he would do to himself without anyone there to put him back together.He took in the man before him with worried eyes, that angelic face creased with pain. Not even in sleep was he relaxed, all tensed up and ready for a fight. Alfie wanted to smooth those lines out. Swallowing his fear of the consequences, he leaned forward and ever so lightly softly brushed his lips against the creased forehead before him. Watching a weak smile break out across those full lips. Alfie's heart lifted a little, feeling the roots of hope embedding themselves thereThe maid came back within about 10 minutes with all he asked for and more also some medication that apparently Tommy was supposed to be taking, courtesy of Polly no doubt. Medicine, the maid informed him, for his mind. To help with the nightmares. Well, apparently madness ran in the gypsy blood.The matriarch of the family was a force to be reckoned with, but everyone had their limits. Tommy once confided in him while visiting in London that Polly had cut him out of her life in her madness, seeing ghosts, holding seances and the like. Putting your head through the noose, similar to staring down the barrel of a gun, did things to your compos mentis. Alfie should know, after his incident with the noose, lucky for him the rope snapped, unlucky for others who had gotten on the wrong side of him though. Then plenty of close calls after that, occupational hazard what with all the enemies about. He came out the other side half-crazed. Luckily he sobered up and threw himself into work. Few too many brushes with death but it made him feel alive. Same way of coping as Tommy really except he knew when to relax and give a little. None of that with Tommy, just the stubborn idea that he was smarter than everyone in the room therefore, he was the only one capable of coming up with a competent plan. Alfie, on the other hand, took everything with a pinch of salt, just flowed with actions and reactions. Sure he carefully planned some of his moves back in the day but once established you can kind of just react to situations and threats. Planning too much overcomplicates relatively simple things. Which is why he never ended up in bed with any government characters or mad fucking Russian's. Well, that and his being Jewish so the Russian thing definitely wouldn't have worked out anyway.See, the reason Tommy attracted all these people was because they always underestimated him, seeing him as easily disposable, however, this was something Tommy always used to his advantage. It all started with Kimber, that pompous prick was just begging to have his arse handed to him, who better to do that than someone who came from nothing. He had overcome every single obstacle in his life with a well thought out plan going awry and relying on his conniving wit. Going from a poverty-stricken stable boy to a very successful gang leader, then to a legitimate businessman with clean money. He adapted to his environment, always had a well thought out plan ticking away in his brain. If Thomas Shelby was ever to have a slogan it would be, Thomas Shelby, the man with a plan. Alfie had known from the moment he clapped eyes on Thomas that this was a force to be reckoned with, especially after he passed his little test. No getting rid of the persistent gypsy. He was a very valuable person to have as a business partner. However, this did not stop Alfie and every other fucker from using Tommy for their own gain and since he had no sense of self-preservation this worked well until it didn't anymore, it turns out the man you have been underestimating has been 5 steps in front of you the whole time. The plan entirely relying on your preconceived ideas of big fucks small.Now Alfie will be the first and probably the only person left alive to admit he had fucked up, and he had been allowed to fuck up more than once when it came to Tommy, fuck knows why since sentiment was not something Tommy entertained. The first time was over that fucking Faberge egg but he saw a good deal and he took it. Big mistake that one. And then with that cunting Vendetta Changretta came up with, just ghosts crawling out of arseholes to come back and make a fucking mess. What he should have done is stood by Tommy and turned the deal he was offered down flat. But he couldn't resist such a desperate man, even if it was a dirty wop, plus the deal had been so good. The fact he kind of wanted the grey matter in his skull to stay there rather than being painted all over the bastard bakery had a part to play in his decision. But it all worked out in the end because of course Thomas had a plan, and if he had just let Alfie know then, maybe they could have avoided the whole Mexican standoff. But it looks like he had finally fucking bought himself some much needed time.As he was stroking Tommy's head his attention fixed on the scar running beneath his hair. That is what happens when you get involved with government cunts and untouchable posh boys. That fucking priest, if he was still alive today Alfie himself would've hunted him down and painted the streets of Small Heath with his blood. Fucking nonce took the man's child and Alfie did a deal with this wanker. His most shameful moment but at least he lived through it. Tommy saw in his eyes that he didn't know about the plot in regards to his son. That missing knowledge saved his life that day.Shaking himself out of his memories he began the slow process of cleaning the wounds carefully. Washing old and new blood from the ivory flesh before him. Gently dabbing still bleeding slashes. He glanced up at Tommy's face and saw the discomfort there."I know it hurts love, but we have to clean you up now, make sure you aren't going to get infected, you silly boy. Its ok I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere." He whispered in Tommy's ear."Alfie?" Tommy asked eyes bleary with sleep. Confusion and panic colouring his gaze."Yeah mate, it's me. Back from the dead to play nurse for ya, it seems your power at summoning the Wandering Jew knows no bounds." He said with a light chuckle. Tommy's face was humourless. The tension setting back into his features, eyes darting everywhere as if looking for the source of a noise only he could hear. Flinching at random.Alfie tried to keep the worry out of his voice, to soothe the man before him, "hush love, you need rest. I'm just tending your wounds. You are safe now Tommy the war is over.""I can still hear the shovels Alfie, the Germans are coming. Can't you hear them?" Tommy said panic clouding his vision, breath coming quicker and quicker, heart hammering like a jackrabbit in his chest. Eyes the size of dinner plates staring unblinkingly at the empty mirror frame on the far wall.Tommy began to move up the sofa away from the wall as quickly as he could, hands clamped over his ears so tight his knuckles turned white, blood started to spill down his arms again painting a garish, red scene. Seeing this started Alfie out of his surprise and he grabbed the arms which were pretty much glued to Tommy's head. He started to fight and struggle, however his fight was weak, only serving to injure himself more rather than actually breaking free. Alfie grabbed the back of his neck and pulled his forehead against his own."Tommy it's just you and me here. Look at me, love." Alfie said in calm tones, voice level.Tommy looked up into Alfie's eyes, pulling his gaze away from the wall so slowly, as if he averted his eyes for just a second the Germans were going to break through."Thomas, I swear nothing is coming to get you. You. Are. Safe. I promise. Now I am here to take care of you." He placed Tommy's crimson hand on his chest, knowing it would leave a bloody stain behind. He could feel the short breaths coming from the broken man on his face. "Feel that yeah. Breathe with me."Tommy's breathing eventually slowed as he scrunched his eyes up, shaking with the need to focus on the rise and fall of the larger man's chest, moving his own in time. When the air finally began reaching his lungs he slumped forward, face pressed tight into the broad chest before him as the silent sobs started to wrack his body."Let it out Tommy, that's it darling. Let it go. I've got you. I'm here, love. It's ok." Alfie whispered into his ear beard brushing his cheek as he spoke. He began rubbing small circles into Tommy's back and stroking his thumb along his neck to provide some much-needed comfort. He could feel his shirt getting damp with tears from the broken soldier in front of him. They all brought something back from the war. It seems Tommy brought back the shovels. A lesser man would have shot himself dealing with what Tommy is dealing with, but Tommy is the strongest and most resilient man Alfie has ever known.For what seemed like an eternity Alfie just held Tommy and uttered soothing words in his ear, until slowly the sobs turned into hiccups, the tears flowing slower. Alfie slackened his grip on the man in his arms and Tommy moved to lean back against the sofa.As Tommy extrapolated himself he shut the vulnerable side away again. Alfie could physically hear the walls going up in Tommy's mind, feeling a red mist descend."No we are not doing that again you silly boy. You cannot do this on your own anymore and since it is clear you won't let anyone else in it looks like I am going to be the one to bust down your walls and put the pieces of you back together better than the fucking horse you let do it before, don't care if I get cut on some of your jagged edges. Also, only person more stubborn than you is me so I we can do this the easy way or the hard way. Choice is yours but if you think I can leave you in this state you clearly don't know me as well as you ought to." Alfie said trying to keep the irritation out of his voice whilst folding his arms over his chest.Tommy fixed him with a gaze that was supposed to be icy but with red-rimmed eyes, stuttering breaths and tear tracks down his face looked more like pain. Alfie just sighed and placed a hand on his knee stroking it with his thumb."I'm sorry Tommy but I can't leave you like this. Not in this state. You need someone and I don't see anyone else around to help so unless you are going to get Arthur or Polly to come and live with you to fix you up then I can't knowingly leave you. I care too much about you to just walk away again." Alfie said with eyes shining in the midday sun coming in through the window."You have any cigarettes? I seem to be out." He said. No idea how to handle this side of Alfie Solomons. Crazy and violent he could deal with, worried and sentimental... Well he had no idea what to do or say."You know I don't touch that shit, but yeah I brought them as a peace offering. Wasn't expecting to find you in such a mess. Didn't realise you cared about me so much?" Alfie said with a wink, knowing Tommy couldn't handle soft or gentle. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter offering one to Tommy and flicking the lighter himself as Tommy rubbed the filter along his bottom lip. Cupping his hand around the flame as he had seen many do for a lady he offered it to Tommy who leaned forward sucking the cigarette to get it lit.Tommy took a deep inhale and burst out laughing at the situation he was in. It was fucking bizarre. Alfie Solomons was here, alive, lighting his cigarette for him and holding him close. Tommy had had dreams like this of late but they always ended with him holding Alfie's lifeless corpse to his chest, never with a cigarette and a joke. It was insane laughter. But nevertheless, it was better than the crying or the blind panic.Alfie stared at Tommy in disbelief. "What the fuck is so funny?"
"This" Tommy gestured between the two of them. "You should have killed me on sight, not be sat here offering me cigarettes and letting me bleed all over you. You have to admit this is a fucked up situation."
"Well it is a bit, yeah, but I've always had a soft spot for pretty boys and Tommy you are the prettiest thing I ever did see. Plus you got that wicked tongue on you. Nothing beats a bit of that." He said wiggling his eyebrows in a suggestive way.This made Tommy laugh in earnest, "Lay off old man. You must have seen plenty of women in your time. Not something most people would admit to." He felt a blush creeping up into his pasty cheeks."Told you I was a fucking sodomite mate, women don't do it for me, never have done. Brilliant as people but for shagging Nah mate, much prefer me a man who hides razor blades in his cap with those pretty blue eyes. Could spend forever swimming in those, mate." Alfie felt a spark of electricity fly up his spine into his brain, remembering the task at hand he turned serious."Tommy, I do need to clean those wounds and stitch up the worst ones though, can't have the prettiest man in the world getting his arms amputated can we?" He said trying to keep it light."I can do it myself, Alfie. Had plenty of practice fixing myself up." Tommy said softly, eyes downcast."Now what kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't lend a hand in fixing you up. Like I said I was gonna fix you like the gentleman I am, that involves all the stitching and the wound cleaning, don't worry I got a strong stomach. You reckon you can do it without painkillers?" Alfie insisted and Tommy seemed to have lost the will to fight him."Yeah I reckon I can, not a stranger to pain." With that said he leaned back offering his right arm to Alfie, cigarette still hanging out of his mouth.Alfie got to work, trying to get this over and done with as quickly as possible. Contrary to popular belief he did not like causing pain to those he cared about, especially Tommy. Someone so broken should not have to be put through more of this absolute bullshit. Alfie put his 'magic' glasses on getting to work cleaning the wounds with care. Every time Tommy flinched it was like a pin jabbing into his heart.
As he got to the stitching he gave a warning, "This is gonna hurt, you sure you can handle this sober?"Tommy just gave him a withered look, "Yes Alfie stop worrying, I survived the war remember.""No one survived the war, Tommy." Alfie said with a hint of pain in his tone. He began the work with the stitching. It was going fairly well until Alfie's hand started shaking with the strain, his back starting to seize up."Alfie I can finish this. I think you need a break." Tommy said. It was his turn to be coloured with concern."I can do it, just need to remember I ain't as young as I used to be." He leaned back and his spine gave a series of sickening pops followed by a contented sigh. "Much better, now hold still and stop worrying, I may be dying but I ain't dead yet."Tommy just shook his head, taking a drag of the cigarette as Alfie went back to sewing him back up. The first step had been taken on the road to recovery, it was all thanks to The Wandering Jew.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
With Tommy finally all stitched up Alfie stood, rubbing the blood back into his painfully numb arse, cracking his knuckles trying to get them back into working order. Pulling his head from side to side, his neck giving out a series of pops followed by a sigh of relief. He removed his glasses leaving them dangling around his neck, rubbing his eyes with his thumb and forefinger until spots danced in his field of vision. Face slightly pale with the dizziness that came over him, from the amount of time spent focusing on the task of sewing his old partner's flesh back together. Tommy now looked more like Frankenstein's monster crossed with a mummy than he resembled a man. It was quite comical really. Like a macabre costume."Well you got through that fairly easily Tom, bit worrying really. But let's not have it again alright? Don't think I'll make it through another round of that." Alfie said in a more serious tone, still no threat in his voice. Bloody hands twiddling his moustache absentmindedly."No promises," Tommy replied with humour initially, fading just as quickly as it had appeared, eyes cast down as his tone became quiet and serious, "Not something I can always control. Half the time I don't remember doing it. Just remember the nightmares and the war, but it's nothing to worry about, I can handle it." Falling back on the old lying through his teeth trick to get people to stop prying.Alfie could feel his blood beginning to boil. His fuse had been lit by the outright lie Thomas had just attempted to get him to believe. "Oh come off it Thomas. Might have believed that before I found you in a pool of your own blood pissed as a fart. Look at yourself, can you bollocks lie to me now. I know you better than most, can see right through that bullshit you peddle to everyone else. Plus, if you could handle it, which you can't, I wouldn't have had to fucking spend my time stitching you up now would I?""Look, Alfie, I don't why you have taken it upon yourself to personally take on all my shit but I don't need to be taken care of, I'm not some fragile waif. I have done fine on my own. I can deal with my own shit. Just like I always have and always fucking will. No amount of spontaneous visits from traitorous bastards is going to change a lifetime of taking care of myself. " Tommy replied, stubborn and self-assured. Eyes closed off and hard, frozen over like a lake in winter, unfathomable depths, hidden just under the surface but so out of reach.All Alfie wanted to do was thaw the ice out of Tommy's eyes and heart but Tommy was doing an excellent job of pushing all his buttons and Alfie was starting to lose it, the infuriating git in front of him just asking for a smack. For Tommy, denial is clearly not just a river in Egypt, oh no, it's who Tommy Shelby is. You pretend it's not happening for long enough then it isn't. Bury it, hide it, it's not there. Everything is always fine. He always has control. Act like you have control and suddenly you do. But this method has come back on him tenfold, the consequences of bottling this shit up are so harmful, it poisons your mind and rots your insides. Alfie is keenly aware of the impact this can leave on someone's life, personal experiences, and all that shit. It is just common sense. But with no outlet and no one to talk to it was inevitable really. Human nature. Or rather, Thomas Shelby's nature.Now Alfie knows being angry is not going to help the situation and it really isn't the best way to get Tommy to open up, but he can feel his control slipping, the madness taking over. Burning intelligent decisions out of his brain, he becomes 2 people in his own head. He needs to make sure the devil doesn't win out and the red veil doesn't fall in front of his eyes.Fists clenched tight, through gritted teeth he ground out, "You cannot keep doing this. This is not dealing with shit, this is not handling your shit." He said gesturing to the carnage around him, "This is destroying yourself. You need to admit you need the help first or things are not going to fucking improve. I cannot watch you beat yourself like this. You cannot do this to yourself. I will not let you fucking implode like some neutron star."Tommy steeled his nerves, "Why don't you just fuck off then? I didn't ask you to come and I do not need saving. I am not some delicate little girl. I am managing. This is me. This is how I cope. If you can't watch it then walk out the fucking door. Just like everyone else. Off you fucking go." He had begun shaking again but this time in rage not fear. Who the fuck does Alfie think he is?! Coming in here and like he could magically fix everything. Tommy knew what he was doing. He did not need any help, definitely not from this traitor. He did not need to let anyone in."I am not going fucking anywhere. Don't be so stupid. Think. Use that brain in your skull to really think about it." Alfie raised his voice. Wrenching Tommy from the sofa and shaking him.Holding one of Tommy's arms out. "Look at your arm, Thomas. Look at it. That is not healthy. That is not coping. What happens when one day you cut too deep, hm? Gonna leave your body for Charlie to find?""Alfie, you're hurting me." Tommy whispered with a hint of fear creeping into his voice.And just like that, Alfie let go. An image of his rings dripping with blood, Tommy bruised and battered at his feet. The pain distributed by his hand. The fear in the beautiful boy's eyes because of him. His actions. His rage. It turned his stomach. Reaching out a hand he stroked Tommy's cheek, just to make sure the man in front of him was real."Shit, Tommy I'm so sorry, I swear I never want to hurt you. Very much the opposite, I am scared for you, not of you. I just want to see you whole again. I know I'm not perfect and I have betrayed you in the past but I'm out. Finally out! You got me out and I owe you. So just please, for the love of God, let me in. Let me help you." Alfie said softly, looking through dark eyelashes at the man in front of him. Terrified of himself and his lack of self-control. Seems like Alfie needs some healing too.This shocked Tommy enough to realise that just maybe he wasn't the only broken man in the room. Maybe he wasn't the only one who was all alone on an island with no way of reaching out. Maybe he should accept the olive branch. After all, he hadn't let anyone in in years. And he wanted so badly to be wrapped in those strong arms. To feel safe, the way he hadn't since he was a small child. But he wasn't the same man that went away to war. A monster came back. A hard, cold, soulless creature wearing his face.There is no feeling worse than that of being a prisoner in your own body. But this same creature lead him and his family to success with its ruthless ways. He had a lot to thank the darkness for. But now in this time of peace, he would give it all up to be the smiling 17-year-old again. He knew that wasn't a possibility but Alfie made him feel almost human again. It had been so long since he felt like he belonged on this plain. He was so tired of feeling like a ghost, just drifting through existence, watching the world around him change and move but feeling stuck in place no matter how busy he was. He just wanted to stop. He wanted everything to stop. And for a while, at least, maybe the slightly broken man in front of him would need him too. Tommy didn't speak but made an executive decision to deal with the consequences later. He moved forward, wrapping his arms tightly around the hulking frame in front of him, burying his face in the crook of his neck and inhaling deeply. No matter how wrong his rational mind screamed, his black heart let out a sigh of contentedness. There was no denying in what was left of his soul that this felt right. Like coming home and a fresh start all at once.Alfie pushed his face into the hair of the man attached to him, encompassing him in his arms, rubbing up and down his back with soft, gentle hands. All the rage left his body as he was suddenly overcome by a wave of tiredness. Reluctant to break the embrace but with a desperate feeling of imminent collapse, he tilted Tommy's face up with a soft touch to his chin."Sorry to break the hug love, but do you reckon we could find a room a little less warzone-esque, preferably one with a bed? Cancer patients are known for needing their rest and I haven't slept in over a day." Alfie asked trying to keep some humour in his voice, head beginning to swim, vision blurring with the effort of standing for so long, face draining to a pale green colour."Of course, sorry. I didn't think. I'll show you to a room and leave you to rest for a while." Tommy answered stepping back to get a proper look at the man in front of him worry colouring his response as he felt Alfie sway on his feet. "You reckon you can make it? It's just down the hall.""Yeah, might need some support, feel a bit out of sorts I'm afraid. Don't want to leave you on your own though, so how about we get moving to that bed." Alfie urged legs to move, getting weaker by the second.They began a slow shuffle down the hall. Alfie's feet began to drag and Tommy with an arm around Alfie's waist using the other for balance, one of Alfie's arms a comforting weight around his shoulders. Alfie began to stumble so Tommy laid him against the door frame while he wrangled with the door to the nearest room with a bed, it just so happened to be Tommy's bedroom. They maneuvered quite awkwardly to the unnecessarily opulent 4 poster bed in the centre of the room. Alfie sat heavily on the edge, head between his hands, trying to catch his breath a sheen of cold sweat over his face."Alfie, what do you need? How can I help?" Tommy asked the clearly, very sick man in front of him. The worry starting to build. Completely different kind of worry than he was used to experiencing though. This anxiety fueled him into action rather than leaving him debilitated. He had somewhere to put this anxious energy, just like the good old days.Alfie's head was swimming, the ground beneath him becoming fluid. "Water, I need water. And a bowl of cold water. A cloth and an empty basin." He said, in between gulping oxygen into his wheezing lungs. Chest tight and constricted with spasms. Restraining himself from coughing with the fluid bubbling into his throat."I'll be right back, lay down mate. Try to relax. I'll go get the maid." With a light push to his shoulder, Alfie slumped back onto the bed chest heaving and stomach churning, a myriad of colours dancing behind his eyes. As he slipped away into unconsciousness the last thought on his mind was, "Fuck I never got to kiss him," as Tommy slipped silently out of the room.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
As Tommy left the room, he gave one last look at the gravely ill man sprawled out on the bed, a restrictive pain blossoming in his chest. He turned to walk down the hall but he couldn't find it in himself to take a step away, for fear of the person on the other side of the door disappearing out of his life again. His head fell back against the door with a low thunk, hands rubbing down his face. He thought these feelings had been beaten out of him by his cunt of a father. Clearly not. Stupid, stubborn, pig-headed, Jewish wanker. Coming into his life and unearthing all these feelings. Tommy shuddered at the mere thought.Feelings only ever caused problems, complicated things. Every person Tommy had ever cared about that wasn't blood had died, even some that were blood had fallen. Every person he had lost had taken a piece of his heart with them until his chest felt hollow. He had one last sliver left and it seemed Alfie was very close to taking it. Tommy was terrified that if he let that last piece go he would simply fade away to nothing. He more thought he was the type of person made to burn out rather than simply fade into nothingness. But he has already started fading out of the world, like a wraith, trapped between the living and the dead. One foot in the grave, the other in hell, with no way to get back on solid ground. He felt himself begin to tremble again. No. Not now. He had a job to do. There was a dying man lying in his bed who needed someone, and Tommy would be damned if he lost the one person who had forced himself through all those barriers, like a persistent mole.On still weak legs, Tommy strode with as much haste as he could muster, down the halls and into the kitchen, repeating the checklist in his head. Cloth, water to drink, basin full of water, and a bucket. Tommy didn't know much about cancer other than it was a shitty way to go. His family never lived long enough to contract diseases like cancer anyway. No, they all burned themselves out well before their natural end. Thinking on his feet, he sought out the old metal tub he used to wash Charlie when he was small, intending to fill it up and wash himself as well as Alfie. The blood coating them both wouldn't be helping either of them and he could not remember the last time he actually cleaned himself.He suddenly felt a wave of shame come over him at the state he must look. Never had he let anyone see him this disheveled, aside from the tunnels of course, but even then he had kept his composure. He would put good money on the fact that he stunk to high heaven and looked like he had just come out of the trenches. Alfie had seen him like this. Alfie had held him even with the state he was in. God, why? He realised he had wasted quite enough time thinking when he really needed to be tending to his guest. Hurrying as quickly as his shaking legs would carry him, he gathered up his supplies and made his way back to his room.When he got there he noticed Alfie had managed to rearrange the pillows and put himself into a sitting position, chest still heaving and stuttering, wet breaths escaping his chest with a slight tinge of red on his lips, and a bloody hanky hanging loosely in the hand flopped off the bed. His expression one of immense concentration, like he was clinging to life with both hands. Like he was physically trying to force his lungs to process the oxygen he was dragging into them. He looked dead with his limbs hanging limp, complexion matching that of a corpse.Tommy felt a knot growing in his stomach, the feeling of dread washing over him. He walked quietly into the room and placed the tub on the floor pulling out the basin, bucket, and jug of water. Popping the bucket on the floor, the jug, and basin on the bedside table closest to Alfie's head, well within reach, he sat down on the side of the bed close enough to tend to his patient. He gently removed the man's rings and began scrubbing the blood from his hands trying to remove the stain he had left on Alfie's life. He was such a fuck up, it made him want to sink into the floor but if he did then no one would be here to take care of the man in front of him. Beside's, Tommy always repaid his debts.Deciding that simply cleaning his hands wasn't going to do much he rang the bell for the maid, once she arrived he requested hot water for the tub. Frances tried to keep the shocked look off her face with the sight that greeted her, a man laid in her master's bed but that wasn't that shocking, more so was seeing a conscious and coherent Thomas. A sight for sore eyes really. Maybe the man in the bed was the thing Tommy needed to put himself back together. She hurried off to get the water, sensing the importance of the situation.As he was waiting, he began the slow process of removing the sleeping man's clothes to clean him up. While he was doing this he allowed his mind to wander from the task at hand, to the feel of the warm skin beneath his fingers, the tickle of chest hairs against his knuckles as he unbuttoned the loose-fitting shirt. The intimacy of undressing Alfie Solomons' and the prospect of doing it in a different situation caused his cheeks to flush and blood to rush south, trousers' tightening at the crotch to an almost uncomfortable level as more of the flesh was revealed.Alfie stirred but kept his eyes closed and forehead wrinkled in pain. "You don't have to do that love, can undress myself." the voice rasped, thick with blood and sleep.Tommy started at the voice. Alfie was supposed to be asleep. He tried to play it cool and aloof. "Don't be daft. I owe you anyway. Just repaying the favour for earlier." Tommy said glancing upwards at Alfie, giving him a smirk, trying to keep it light."I can think of better ways you can repay that favour, although they do involve us both without clothes." He replied with a wink and a cheeky grin.Just as the words left Alfie's mouth the maid walked back in, unbalanced by the weight of what she was carrying, and silently filled the tub, a little smile on her face. She also brought in some of the soaps and spare clothes for both men, laying them on the dresser just in case. She left them just as silently as she entered not wanting to disturb the peace in front of her.The sound of the door closing caused Tommy to turn his head, looking at the tub he saw steam rising from it. He did hire good staff. Bless Frances for all the shit she put up with. She needed a raise."Do you reckon you could manage a bath, steam might help and I know it's not much but I didn't think moving you to the bathroom would be a good idea. Tile floors and skulls don't work well when smacked together." He said with a smile."Yeah but you might need to leave the room unless you want an eyeful of my cock and balls mate, not that I would mind. Planned on you doing a lot more than just looking at it." Alfie replied with a wink and a smile as he saw Thomas's ears turn pink.Alfie manoeuvered himself out of his shirt so he was just laid there in his trousers braces off his shoulders. Tommy felt his mouth going dry as he raked his eyes over the shirtless man in his bed looking disheveled. He gave a light cough and cleared his throat."Tom can you give us a hand please, think your bed has swallowed me." Now it was Alfie's turn to blush with embarrassment, not used to asking for help but not stupid enough to try and get out of bed himself.Tommy gave his head a little shake to remove the sinful thoughts of running his hands all over the body in front of him, those bare arms would turn even the straightest man to a quivering mess. He moved forward and Alfie laid one of those oh so perfect arms across Tommy's shoulders, and with a heave he was on his feet shuffling towards the tub breathing heavily with the exertion of simply standing up. Too weak to even make a joke, all his focus on putting one foot in front of the other. They reached the tub in seconds that seemed to stretch on for days. Alfie, with a lot of support from Tommy, managed to wiggle his trousers to the floor standing there in just his skivvies, he felt very very exposed considering the other man was almost fully dressed."You mind?" Alfie said looking at Tommy."Oh shit sorry, you want me to close my eyes or something?" Tommy asked a hint of amusement in his voice at the prudish behaviour that just seemed so out of character."Nah just giving you a way out. I did think our first bath together would go very differently to this, though." He said with a wiggle of his eyebrows. Shamelessly as expected Alfie yanked down his undergarments and stood straight in all his glory, hands on his hips. "Like what you see aye Tommy boy?" A smile in his voice and a mischievous twinkle in his eye as he saw Tommy swallow heavy and lick his lips, a slight blush gracing his cheekbones."Not bad, for an old man.""Oof, right in my weak heart there Tommy, not that much older than you just wiser. Comes with the beard." He said climbing into the bath, if he bent over directly in Tommy's direction intentionally or not was anyone's guess.With Alfie settled in the tub, knees pulled up slightly, arms hanging on the edges, and head laid back breathing a sigh out through his nose. Tommy grabbed a cigarette and pulled up a chair bringing with him the cloth and a towel. He took one of the man's large hands in his own, and went back to scrubbing the stained fingers, trying to remove all the dried blood.As he was working on the fingernails, Alfie pitched upright, coughing and retching, eyes wide open, skin a ghastly white. Thinking quickly, Tommy grabbed the bucket from the floor holding it under the man's chin. Good job he did really for the blood spraying out of Alfie's mouth would have meant the maid fetching more water and cleaning out the tub. Tommy was rubbing Alfie's back and continued the motion once he was finished coughing up all the blood and spitting the remainder into the bucket, only stopping to pass him a glass of water, which he gulped down quickly in between gasping for air."Fuck, sorry Tommy mate. Thought I was in better shape than this. I should be the one taking care of ya. Like I promised I would. You seem to be looking a bit more like yourself though. Aside from the blood and shit anyway. Still need to get some food in you though. Bet if you stood sideways we wouldn't be able to see ya," he began coughing again and let out a deep breath rubbing his chest. Tommy was still rubbing his back, Alfie noticed. He smiled slightly at this. Small steps he thought to himself. He would win Tommy round eventually."Just don't go dying on me yeah? Can't be going through that again." Tommy said, clearly trying to make a joke but there was an underlying tone of pleading."I don't plan to be going anywhere without bedding you at least once, Thomas. Just thought I should let you know my intentions are not completely honourable," he replied with a wink, still trying to lift the mood and stop Tommy focussing so much on how weak he is. Never too far gone to flirt with pretty blokes. He had come back from the dead to do just that, in fact, specifically to woo Thomas Shelby. Might as well make his intentions clear.Tommy felt the blood rush into his cheeks suddenly thankful for the mess all over his face masking it, "Yeah course you are." Tommy said with a snort, "Not something anyone admits to that, well at least not sane people, but I guess neither of us can be classed as sane anymore really. After all you just found me cowering in a corner hiding from imaginary noises and you made a stupidly long journey in the state you are in just for me. Mad bastards the both of us.""Well at least that wasn't an outright no," Alfie said, "I can be a miserable wanker when I don't get my own way ya know, course you know, longest-standing business partner right here, best looking as well. What do you mean just you? You ever looked into a mirror Tom? If I was you, I'd spend my entire life touching myself in front of a mirror. Those beautiful blue eyes. Just gorgeous mate. And those lips, well I imagine they have sent many men insane with need. Sending me that way now, Cheekbones that could cut glass and those freckles... mph"Alfie was cut off mid-sentence when he found his lips occupied by something that definitely wasn't words, just a gentle brush of lips against his own, testing the waters. As he felt the man in front of him pull back he wrapped his wet arms around his neck, reconnecting their lips in a clash of wills, lips giving in to his own with ease, the electricity sparking between them could have been used to power half of London for at least a month. He brushed his tongue teasingly along the lower lip of a clearly rather desperate Tommy which elicited a beautiful noise of pleasure and need from the man in his arms, allowing entrance past those lips tasting of cigarettes and gin and what was unmistakably the taste of Tommy. Tracing his tongue along the roof of his mouth, trying to map all the crevices and taste every inch of that gorgeous, dirty mouth. His senses in overload with the feeling of it. He could spend forever kissing Thomas Shelby he realised. But all too soon he felt his lungs go dry, throat scratching so he came up for air.Tommy was disheveled, eyes glassy and unfocused, hair messy from Alfie's hands running through it. Lips plump and shining from the assault. Tommy had to adjust himself in his trousers, feeling his member straining against the fabric cage, screaming for touch."Well now I can die a happy man." Alfie said in between heavy breaths looking far too pleased with himself at the state of the man before him. "Well, almost a happy man, couple more things I want to do to you before I kick the bucket proper." Struggling to ignore the pulsing of his own cock in the tub."Just needed you to shut up, thought it might work." Tommy said eyes shining with humour, "Didn't work well enough though, so guess I will just have to try harder next time. A lot of beard though.""Oh, so there is going to be a next time?" Alfie said trying to keep from sounding too excited."I think there might be a few next times." Tommy replied face struggling not to break out into a full grin."I was serious about everything I said though, Tommy. You do know that don't you? Angel sent from the heavens' is what you are my love." Alfie replied stroking his thumb against Tommy's cheek cradling his face in his hand."More like thrown out of heaven." Tommy said eyes downcast.This time, to shut Tommy up, Alfie was the one to lean forward, softly pressing his lips against Tommy's, in an almost loving way. Trying to convey just how much he meant every word he said. This was how he wanted to spend the rest of his days. Exactly the way he was now. If he didn't feel so shitty he would swear that bullet had hit its mark and he was in heaven. But the lips under his own had to be real and Alfie clung to that more than he had clung to anything. This was his shot at love and he wasn't going to waste it.
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After such lovely kisses Alfie finished up his bath, with energy renewed he continued scrubbing himself clean, whistling a merry tune to himself and grinning like the cat who got the cream."Enjoying yourself there?" Tommy asked, voice deep, with a hint of mirth shining through."Oh very much so my little treasure, next time I'm hoping the tub will have room for 2 however. I would very much like to dirty the water up with something much more pleasant than your blood." Alfie said grin breaking through as he waggled his eyebrows suggestively.Tommy, with a fresh cigarette still hanging between his lips, retorted, "I am sure that can be arranged Mr. Solomons, for the right price, that is.""And what price would that be, my dear?" Alfie asked, faux innocence lacing his voice, as he fluttered his eyelashes."Guess you will have to wait and see won't you, my Jewish friend.""Think I have waited long enough Tom, don't you?""Then you are a patient man, I wonder how thin your patience can get?""For you Thomas I would wait forever, but I don't have forever." Seriousness creeping back into the conversation again."How long do you have?" Tommy queried, trying to keep the pain out of his voice. The reminder of the fact Alfie's days were numbered felt like a cold splash of water."Don't know, not exactly an exact science this cancer shit, but I feel better than I have in a long time so I'm willing to bet I have got a good few years if I don't push myself too hard. Now I'm out of the game I have finally bought myself the time I need." Alfie answered honestly."Gives us plenty of time then doesn't it." Trying to create a more positive atmosphere is what Tommy was aiming for."An eternity with you would never be enough. Never could get enough of that face carved by God himself." Alfie commented with absolute certainty, his bravado returning."Wish you'd stop with the compliments, don't even know what you see in me. I'm not who you think I am. I'm not who anyone thinks I am." Tommy said, voice growing small towards the end of the sentence as if the words were only meant to be heard by himself."Think you are forgetting about my magic glasses. Also the fact that none of what you said is true. Not to me. Not to your family and not your son. You are a hero in Birmingham. You are the best man I have ever met, loyal to a fault. No one else I'd rather spend my last days with. And I know you will never believe me, but I'm gonna be here every day until you tell me to fuck off and mean it. That is a promise. Scouts honour." Alfie held up three fingers as he said this.Tommy felt himself getting a little choked up and panicky. That was a lot of weight to carry. Knowing you are a dying man's last wish. A lot of expectation to live up to. Tommy didn't think he could do it, in fact, he knew he couldn't. This was all well and good when it was just a laugh, nothing serious. Now it was becoming real. All too real. Tommy couldn't breathe again, he clutched his, chest heart hammering so hard he could feel it trying to burst through his ribcage and make its merry way down the hall, leaving Tommy broken all over again. God, he was so fucking weak. Pathetic really. So untouched by love he was terrified of the very thought of it now.He hadn't always been like this. Before the war, he was sweet and kind, a heart full of gold and love. He remembers sitting by his first loves' bedside and watching her die of consumption, nursing her until she breathed her last. Then when she passed over he enlisted. His heart was put in the ground when she was, he grew hard and cold. But being heartless had served him well since he returned. He built an empire. However, he would give all that up in a heartbeat, to become the boy he was before the war, before his youth was ripped so cruelly from him. All the good in him buried under the dirt in France. Never to be found again. Tommy felt this loss every day in his empty, tin chest.And right on cue, there were the shovels again, the guns. Bang. Bang. Bang. Scrape. Scrape. Scrape. Scraping away at his sanity. With every noise in his head, he gave a flinch getting closer and closer to the floor until he was curled in on himself again, back pushed against the bed, head in his hands. Shoulders shaking with fear, any second now a bullet with his name on it would come flying into his chest."Tommy? Tommy. Oh fuck. Shit. Hey Tom. Hey." Alfie got down in a crouch, towel wrapped around his waist. He placed a hand on Tommy's arm, giving him a little shake and a squeeze. He needs to remember to go steady with this man. He can't just go all guns blazing this time, had to watch his stupid mouth or he was going to make the situation worse. Not trusting his own mouth, since that's what caused this mess in the first place, he sat himself down next to the quivering form, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him against his chest.Tommy just let trauma wash over him in waves, no more fight left inside him. No energy left to try and do battle with his demons when he would inevitably lose. He was coming round slowly by just letting it happen, seemed to work better than his usual grappling tooth and nail, since the more he fought the worse it got in his head, the more anger he felt. A never-ending, vicious cycle of pain and suffering.He was so angry all the time. With himself, with the people around him, with the world really. Like everything was against him and he had no control over anything. He needed that control. Without it, he was just circling the drain, waiting for it to pull him under and swallow everything he had worked for. He needed someone to stop the flow, to plug the drain. Maybe Alfie could be that for Tommy. That was the only explanation Tommy could think of in regards to why Alfie hadn't killed him already and why he had never actually managed to kill Solomons. That or the man had some sort of magical power.Gentle fingers running through his hair and soft kisses pressed to the top of his head were such an alien feeling to him, as well as the heartbeat under his head, strong and sure. Just like the man who had gathered him in his arms and held him until his breathing evened out. Not rushing him or shouting or expecting him to be perfect. Just holding him and riding it out with him. Whatever this was, Alfie probably knew. Oh yeah, the chest and arms belonged to Alfie. But Alfie wasn't in France with him. Wait he wasn't in France... He was home. Been home a long time now. His breaths started to come easier then. He opened his eyes and found spots blocking some of his vision from how tightly he had slammed them shut.Taking in his surroundings, breathing in the clean skin he was laid on, chest hairs tickling his nose. He pushed his face in closer, breathing in the unmistakable scent of Alfie mixed with his own soap. Body going lax in the safety of his surroundings. Still unable to face the man that had comforted him, knowing exactly what he would see, eyes showing pity. He didn't need pity, he needed an anchor to the living world and Alfie was the only person that was going to be that for him apparently."Shush love shush, I've got you, I'm sorry." Alfie said quietly into Tommy's hair.Tommy finally looked up from the chest he was attempting to smother himself in and studied the face above him. He finally looked properly into the age of the man cradling him. Eyes shining with unshed tears and worry, creases at the corner of his eyes from a life of laughter and sorrow, the lines of his face telling a story of a hard life yet eyes shining with youth and vitality. Nothing like Tommy. Too perfect for Tommy. Yet here he was holding him and worrying for him, he wouldn't be there forever and Tommy knows that. Time to take a risk on this.Alfie just sat in silence, looking into the brilliant blue eyes that were boring into his soul, setting his heart on fire, breath taken away with the beauty of it all. Of their surroundings. Of the raw emotion between them. The ugly circumstances of their initial meeting burned away by the beauty of their rebirth into the real world, away from all the blood and death. Sure the blood and death left a mark on everyone it came into contact with, but some dealt better than others with the stain upon their soul. Alfie had a physical mark of the war with his cancer, which he can't help thinking is karma for all the blood on his hands, the man in his arms however had a much more serious problem. And he would have to battle this forever. Fucked up mental shit was so much worse since it wouldn't actually kill you itself, you had to pull the trigger or live with it as best you could. For so long Tommy had just been surviving day by day, fighting tooth and nail, to keep himself from falling apart. It was time for him to start living and Alfie would be damned if he didn't help in any way he could to put this beautiful fallen angel back together.Tommy was suddenly filled with a burning need to capture the mouth above him. So he did and it was wonderful. The sound of the shovels drowned out by the feel of the pliant mouth against his own, beard bristling his cheek. Arms thrown up, pulling down with surprising strength, holding Alfie hostage in the most wondrous prison known to man. This time there was nothing gentle between them just the need to feel each other, to mould together as one. Ripping out all those bad emotions to grow new ones in the fertile soil of their souls. A clash of teeth and tongues, searching and mapping each other, as if this was the only chance they had. But there were going to be many chances to come.
If anyone had walked in at that moment they would surely have been shocked by the sight that greeted them. 2 men devouring each other on the smooth, mahogany floor when there was a perfectly good bed just behind them. One man dressed only in a towel, the other looking like he had been dragged behind a car for 10 miles, battered and bloody. But no one did. There was no one to judge and no one to scorn. No one to stop them. So for once in their lives, they just enjoyed the moment they had found themselves caught in. What a beautiful thing it was, to be encapsulated in such vibrant and powerful positive emotions. Proof that through everything, love will out.
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They stayed there in each other's arms for what felt like forever, but eventually, the need to breathe and the feeling of the solid floor numbing thier arses pushed them back into the real world, out of the little bubble of comfort they had created. Suddenly, both men were very sheepish, cheeks glowing bright red. Tommy also sporting quite a lot of beard burn. Both of them fighting giggles trying not to break the mounting uncomfortably tense silence that had grown between them. Well, silence wasn't Alfie's style."I'm fucking starving. You got any food in this joint?" He asked rubbing his beard.Now that was a question. Did he have any? He assumed the maids ate so he must have some food. Better to ask them. "Well maids eat, so I suppose we have some food for you. Not sure I should be around food looking and smelling like this though." Tommy said giving a hesitant sniff to his shirt, face pulling into a slight frown."Well here is an idea, we get that tub emptied, fill it again, and then eat in here. That way I can make sure you eat and make sure we get you cleaned up. Multitask this shit. Then we can get back to more fun activities like maybe sleep, which you look like you need as much as a good meal." Alfie suggested.Tommy found himself not totally opposed to the idea of a bath, but his stomach was not happy at the prospect of food. A cigarette sounds far more appealing really."Bath sounds good and I will get the maid to bring some food up for you." Tommy said, avoiding the inevitable conversation about his eating habits for as long as possible.He walked over to the tub, grabbing one side, "Could use a little help getting this to the bathroom if you don't mind." Tommy noticed Alfie staring at his backside and felt a little thrill at the idea, he gave his hips a little wiggle.Alfie had been too busy watching Tommy bend over in front of him to realise he was supposed to be helping carry the tub. Once Tommy's eyes locked with his he licked his lips like a lion looking at a gazelle and moved over to the other side of the tub."On 3. 1. 2. 3. hfft." With a heave, they had the tub between them, manoeuvring it slowly towards the door with little shuffles trying not to spill any water.The door. They hadn't actually thought about the fucking door. Idiots the pair of them. Trying to put the tub down without sloshing water everywhere turned out to be a problem. When some sloshed over the side, Alfie slipped over in a move that could not be repeated again, nearly drowning himself when all the water poured out over him."For fuck's sake. Stupid, cunting tin thing." Alfie spluttered out with a sour look on his beet-red face. Steam physically coming off of him in rage. The rage faded as quickly as it came when he saw Tommy trying to control his full belly laugh. It was the final huff coupled with the drowned cat look that was Tommy's undoing. The uncontrollable laughter falling from his lips made Alfie smile, heart singing like a canary. No more beautiful a sound had ever been created.He was laughing that hard he was weak at the knees, falling to the floor whilst gripping the door frame. It had been so long since he had actually let himself go like this and he found he couldn't stop.The more Tommy laughed the bigger Alfie's grin became and he soon found himself joining in. Soaked through with dirty water, the both of them at this point since Tommy was currently rolling round in it. And this was the scene Frances walked in on.Frances heard the crash from down in the kitchens, immediately rushing up the stairs to see what the problem was. What she saw when she opened the door was a soaked through Alfie Solomons, dressed only in a towel, seated in a puddle of dirty water and a Tommy Shelby curled in on himself almost fitting with laughter. She was amused at the sight but went to work picking up the tub and gathering the dirty clothes from around the room as if this was an everyday occurrence. Idiots, total idiots she thought to herself with a smile."Hullo Frances, you need any help with that?" Tommy asked in between laughing fits trying to straighten his face and climb to his feet."Not at all sir. Not so heavy now its contents is all over the floor. We do have indoor plumbing you know?" She said with a wicked grin."Oh I know but didn't think my friend over here could manage it. But I do need a bath myself." Tommy said in response. He did hire good staff. Couldn't stand those maids with about as much bite in them as a drop of water. "Then I suggest you use that wonderful invention called indoor plumbing while I get this mess cleaned up. Since I know there is no point asking you whether you would like some food or not," She said, turning to the dripping man on the floor, "Mr. Solomons, good to see you looking better, is there anything you would like preparing for supper? I imagine you are hungry what with all the excitement you've had after your long journey."Maybe Alfie had underestimated the maid. "Uh yeah, some sandwiches would be good. Jewish though so no pork if you would be so kind." Alfie asked, in his most polite voice. It seemed this woman could be a force to be reckoned with. The only person he wanted a tongue lashing off was Tommy, not his maid, although she was very pretty if you were into you know breasts and things. Which Alfie definitely was not.With that said she turned and left the pair of buffoons to it, meandering down the hall carrying the tub thinking about how long it had been since this house had heard laughter. It had been far too long and the house seemed warmer for the outburst, even if she now had some cleaning to do."Reckon we should make our way to the bathroom then and get you cleaned up." Alfie said getting up while holding the towel in front of himself not too eager to expose anything after that icy blast of water."I think I can manage on my own Alfie, it's just a bath." Tommy said, not really getting why Alfie needed to come with him."Well you've seen me without clothes, think it is about time I saw you. Only fair." Alfie said, with a flirtatious note in his voice, accompanied with a waggle of eyebrows.Then you could physically see the lightbulb moment for Tommy, "Well it's up to you." He grabbed the second towel that was on the dresser and the washcloth making his way down the hall to the bathroom.As they entered the bathroom Alfie tried to keep the shock off his face, the room was rather large, made up of black slate tiles with silver accents. A large claw-footed bath stood near the windows, it was big enough for 2 people at least and the shower was there to just walk into. 2 sinks stood side by side in front of a large mirror. A folding screen in the corner for when one needed to change without being seen. The best thing about the room was the gramophone in the corner with a record on for when, he imagined, one decided to take a swim in the pool of a tub.While Alfie stood in the entranceway taking it all in, Tommy leaned over and turned on the taps filling the room with steam. Into the bath, Tommy poured the bath oils that were supposed to relax his mind and walked over behind the screen to remove his clothes. On the way, he placed the flannel on the edge of the bath and his towel on the counter by the sinks."Alfie come in and close the bloody door. You are letting all the heat out."Alfie had been paying that little attention to Tommy he suddenly lost him in the clouds of steam, following the direction of his voice he assumed he was behind the screen changing."Don't think that's fair. Putting a screen between us. I didn't have a screen." The pout audible in Alfie's voice had Tommy huffing out a chuckle, course he would pout at not getting to see Tommy's scrawny pale body. Fucking nutter.Tommy stepped out from behind the screen still in his boxers for Alfie to take in, "Happy now?" He said spreading his arms out and giving a turn.Alfie's eyes wide as saucers, mouth dry, drinking in the sight before him. The milky white skin marred here and there with scars, the lean muscle that held Tommy's bones together rippling with every movement. The light dusting of hair on his chest that led down from his navel past the waist of his boxers. Perfect, just perfect. Maybe his hip bones jutted out a bit too far and you could physically count his ribs, but the swelling between Alfie's legs told no lies. He could literally have hung the towel off the boner he was sporting.Tommy did not fail to notice the look in Alfie's eyes and the tent that was being made from his towel. Heat now pooling in his stomach at the obvious influence he was having. Eyes turning hungry as the lust shot through his body boiling his blood at the sight of the soaked man before him, rivulets of water running from his beard down his chest getting caught in the hair like drops of starlight. The tension and electricity growing between the two was palpable, they could feel their hair standing on end with the strength of it.Alfie surged forwards, pulling Tommy into his arms, ravishing his lips. The towel dropped to the floor as he ran his hands all over that beautiful backside. Turns out riding was an excellent form of exercise. Pushing back towards the counter he picked Tommy up groping his arse. Tommy wrapped his legs around Alfie's waist, his member pressed up against his stomach straining painfully against its fabric prison, craving some much-needed attention. Tommy needed skin on skin contact. He couldn't get close enough, hands running and pulling at Alfie's thick hair, dragging him closer. So much passion and emotion contained in the rough act. Groping that would surely leave bruises. Alfie moved his lips down the slender neck leaving wet kisses and bites, the bristling of the beard adding to the intensity and sordid nature of the act. Alfie continued moving down the lithe body before him, hands stroking and squeezing, mouth latching onto pert nipples sucking and licking at the neglected flesh. The hands that were holding him close suddenly found their way to his pulsing erection wrapping around it through the material of the boxers whilst grinding himself into the inside of Tommy's leg trying to gain his own release as he worked the cock in his hand. The noises he gleaned from that dirty little mouth could cause an early finish from any man. Hand moving faster and faster, mouth latching onto the juncture between his neck and shoulder sucking and biting until Tommy slumped forward with a cry signifying his orgasm.With Tommy slumped in his arms Alfie held him through the aftershocks rolling through him, placing gentle kisses to his face, stroking him through the comedown from the dizzying heights of ejaculation. Tommy could just feel Alfie, the smell of him, the taste of him lingering in his mouth as he descended from cloud nine, stars flashing behind his eyes with the intensity of the event. It had never happened like that before. They just stood there encompassed in each other's presence. Tommy was very thankful to be sat on the counter since his legs didn't feel like his own anymore. Thank god for sturdy furniture. Oh, they were in the bathroom. Shit, the water was still running."Hate to break the moment but I need to stop the water, otherwise, I think Frances might actually have my balls for flooding 2 rooms in 1 day." Tommy said, voice rough with lack of use."Don't move princess, I'll get it." Alfie said walking through the steam, erection still bobbing in front of him. Tommy found it very difficult not to ogle the movements as Alfie's bare arse made its way through the steam. He gulped at the sight. What a wonderful sight it was indeed. Tommy hopped off the counter and followed Alfie, ignoring his order to stay put. Tommy had never been one for doing as he was told, a fact Alfie was well aware of by now. He wrapped his arms around his waist and laid his head against his back. With a smile, he thought, "This is what peace feels like." A contented sigh leaving his lips.Alfie was surprised at the feel of Tommy's arms around his waist and his head against his back. If this is the person Tommy Shelby turned into after a handjob imagine how soft he would be after being ploughed into the mattress. Interesting thought. But he was happy in this moment, for this moment belonged only to him and Tommy. No matter what happened, he had this moment, this beautiful little piece of heaven. He turned round in Tommy's arms, tilting his chin up with a gentle nudge of fingers to place a light kiss on the lips of the man before him. Turning the taps off behind him with his other hand. Placing both hands around Tommy, pulling him close for a hug."Think it is time we got you in that bath love." Alfie said in hushed tones, muffled by Tommy's hair against his lips."Mmmmmm, I guess so." Tommy replied, lazily.Alfie picked Tommy up bridal style, eliciting a shriek which Tommy would insist later was manly, but both men would know in truth, it was more similar to that of a small child. He gently lowered him through the scented steam into the warm water below, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead as Tommy closed his eyes, face relaxing in quiet content. Alfie gave a gentle smile and decided he would be getting in the bath as well. The water so inviting. He nudged Tommy forward and got in behind him, legs spread around the peaceful man, wrapping his arms around him as Tommy's head fell against his chest."You alright there love?" Alfie asked as Tommy's face creased a little as he scratched his arms and sucked air through his teeth."Yeah, fine, just arms stinging a little. Nothing to worry about." Tommy replied still sounding happy but slightly uncomfortable."Come here. If you keep doing that they ain't going to heal and then that is gonna cause us some problems." Alfie said lifting Tommy's arms out of the water and unraveling the bandages to check his handiwork, making sure the cuts were clean. He could see they were slightly inflamed but that would mainly be the fact that Tommy had been itching them. The healing process would take time even longer if Tommy continued to aggravate them. He pulled the arms closer to his face and placed feather-light kisses along each cut, trying to pour a little love into each one.Tommy cracked an eye open when he felt the lips brushing his arms, looking up at Alfie. He saw the pain in his expression. Tommy never wanted to see Alfie in pain again. But he also didn't understand why Alfie was in pain."Alfie you ok? You don't look so good. Did you hurt yourself earlier when you fell?" Tommy asked, concern tinging the words."No love, just wish I had gotten here sooner is all." Alfie said explaining himself as best he could, for the pain he was feeling ran deep. Almost as deep as the feelings he had for Tommy. He was in love with the man. Tommy was probably just using him as a crutch until he got back on his feet but Alfie would still be here until the day came when Tommy cast him out like a bad memory. That is what you do for the ones you love, right?
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As they laid in the bath, Alfie was trying not to overthink himself into a bad mood as he was prone to. Forehead permanently creased when his mind went into the dark places he tried so hard to keep out of, lips fixed in a pout. He was here to pull Tommy out of those dark places, wouldn't do for him to chase the rabbit right now. He needed his head on his shoulders no matter what. At least Tommy seemed to be doing better, more relaxed. Bathing does everyone good no matter the problem. Alfie loved a good bath always helped even before he got ill when baths became a need more than a want. Eased his pain be it physical, emotional or mental and gave him the much needed time space to think. He had done much of his plotting and scheming in the bath. Hard to make rash decisions when surrounded by warm water and soothing steam. Helped bring him out of the red mist that often descended and caused him to react in less than sensible manners even to those whom had done nothing to incur his wrath. Something not quite right in his own head. Never been wired up correctly. Bit more controlled than Arthur but at the same time it took a lot less provocation for Alfie to snap. That time in the bakery for example when Tommy's men first joined him. He beat that man over a joke. A simple joke. It hammered the point home that Alfie was not a man to be fucked with but at the same time, he lost his cool. Everyone around him just took that as standard, as a calculated action when in actual fact it was never calculated, just sheer luck it happened in the right place at the right time.But it didn't always happen in the right place at the right time and when it was the wrong time, boy was it the wrong time. Like with the Russians. If it hadn't been for Tommy's gentle voice reminding him where he was and what the task at hand actually entailed he would have stained all those pretty diamonds red with the blood of the Russian scum before him. Teeth and bone would have had to be picked out of an assortment of jewellery. Might have decreased the value a bit or increased it depending on the buyer. Plus neither of them would have made it out of there alive, no matter how charming or important Tommy was to the cause. If it wasn't for Tommy, Alfie would very much be dead by now or at least wish he was.He had lived a life without love ever since the war, his lover was killed in action right in front of him. He never thought he would get over that. It hollowed him out. He was ruthless before the war but now he was reckless, with no fear for his own life or anyone else's. The sooner he died the sooner he would be in the arms of his love again. All the memories he had of him were tainted with the blood that sprayed from the bullet's exit wound, right onto Alfie, as he crumpled in his arms, going down like a sack of potatoes. Alfie remembers the light going out of his eyes and the panic in them right before. The blood spluttering out of his mouth with every wet, heavy breath growing paler until he finally passed on. Alfie remembers this like it was yesterday and on his long lonely nights, of which there had been many over the years, he found himself reliving every cold night spent in each other's arms, every brief encounter, every single touch or look they shared together. Intimate, precious moments amidst all that violence and bloodshed, just boys killing boys for the ignorant Toffs. Disposable is all they were. This loss and attitude embittered him to the point of fury and on these nights, all alone, he found himself back in the worst moment of his life, replaying it on a loop. Never able to change the outcome no matter how much he tried, he still woke up alone in a damp empty bed, the agonising scream tearing from his throat loud enough to wake him. But since Tommy Shelby sauntered into his life these lonely, bitter nights had been fewer and fewer. Thoughts of his former lover, less frequent until the pain in his heart faded to an ache dulling more and more with every encounter with the Gypsy boy.He couldn't afford to lose someone else he cared so deeply about. He wouldn't survive having his heart ripped out again. Alfie however had experienced life long enough without love and was well aware that this was not a life worth living. Keeping everyone out just left you alone in the cold, watching the happiness through the window of other peoples' lives, resentment building until you leave a bitter taste in the mouth of everyone you meet. Tommy even kept his son at a distance out of fear of him finding out exactly who his dad was and what he had done. Alfie wanted to fix this. To prove to Tommy that even with all that he has lost, he himself is not. That he could still love and be loved in return, even if it wasn't Alfie he wound up loving in the end. It would kill Alfie for Tommy to cast him out, but as long as Tommy was happy and living again Alfie would go because he loved him more than he could put into words. It was only the second man Alfie had ever found himself unable to see in pain, feeling it physically within himself. Like when you watch a dog slowly starve. Impossible to watch and be remain unmoved. This showed Alfie's true nature, not the façade he wore. Sure, he didn't like sharing and he could be possessive, but he would never cause harm knowingly to someone he loved so much. He wasn't the brute everyone made him out to be, it was just who he had to be to keep himself ahead of the game, doesn't mean he enjoyed being that man. It came naturally in the first few years after the war but as the hurt and the rage dissipated like mist in the spring sunlight he felt himself growing tired of it all. Sure he still had his moments of fury but they came less now and were far less lethal. It was all thanks to the get out of jail free card Tommy gave him that day on the beach and Alfie continued to love him for it. He would not be taking advantage of Tommy's situation in any way, he expected no declarations of love in return for his own and wouldn't take whatever Tommy said to heart until he was sure he meant it. No use holding someone to things said in grief especially when they were suffering as much as Tommy was, the weight of the world pushing down on him. Which Alfie was convinced was the reason behind his small stature compared to his brothers.Alfie began focussing his mind on the matter at hand. Baths, brilliant things for thinking, and straightening out plans. His plan with Tommy after they left the soft embrace of each other was to get him in bed and feed him, then, after the food, hold him through the night, protect him as best he could from himself until he no longer needed it. Tommy would never have to ask Alfie for help for Alfie gave a silent promise to the man in his arms that he would never be alone again, as long as Alfie was here he would never need to fight his battles as an army of one. He placed a light kiss to the neck before him, feeling a contented hum vibrate against his chest bringing him back to the steam filled bathroom and the body in his arms. He gave a squeeze and felt Tommy entwine their fingers. He wishes this was how he had spent the last few years of his life rather than pillaging through London. His heart felt lighter than it had in much too long as he watched the rise and fall of the chest before him. Yeah, the war was definitely over for the both of them. Even if it still rages on in Tommy's head, it is over for the both of them in the real world. They had both bought themselves some much needed time.Tommy was content to just sit in the bath feel the water around him and be held in his post-orgasmic glow that turned everything golden and warm. It had been so long since he had let himself be held by someone. By anyone. But Alfie wasn't going to hurt him or ridicule him for this weakness. He could finally relax in a way he never thought possible after everything he has done in his miserable, sin saturated life. He pushed further back with an almost feline purr as he felt Alfie plant a soft kiss on his neck. He turned his head and brushed his lips softly against the man above him with a smile. Never opening his eyes. Happy with his own thoughts, quiet and relaxed. Slow and steady. The boat in his head finally through the storm. All thanks to the bearded loose cannon behind him. Maybe he wasn't ready to open his heart fully but the door was now unlocked and Alfie need only give it a little push to be accepted inside, never to be let out again like everyone else Tommy loved. Locked in Tommy's heart-shaped box for all time.The kisses continued soft and gentle, hands exploring the exposed flesh, caressing every spot, every scar, every tiny flaw. Absorbing each other, completely wrapped up in the delicate hues that painted the moment. Looking at the 2 men no one would be able to believe they were capable of such tenderness, but in private moments everyone's true colours shine through. Alfie's were soft pinks, warm oranges with a golden undercurrent, the sky in the setting sun. Tommy was all cool blues and greens with silvery undertones, the ocean after a storm. Together they made a beautiful aura, being around them was like watching the sun go down over the ocean, just breathing in the peace. Opposites balancing each other out, complimenting and completing the picture. Such tenderness would never be seen outside this house between the two. But in the private moments when all walls came crashing down they were revealed as two lonely souls searching for each other in the darkest parts of the world. A shining beacon, lighting the underworld they had both spent so long caught up in. As the water began to cool, Tommy began to shiver so Alfie urged him to shuffle forward so he could remove himself from the now slightly cool water. Wrapped in a fluffy, white towel Alfie dropped the needle on the gramophone, soft classical music washing over them. He meandered over to the tub holding up another towel for Tommy. As he helped him get to his feet and out of the bath he swaddled him in the towel, pulling him close, placing a soft kiss at his temple swaying them both side to side with the rhythm of the music. The room around them still warm thanks to the boiler in the corner.The sky behind them painted in pink and orange as the sun began to set, their shadows moulded into one, souls intertwined. They carried on dancing around the room until the sun finally set and they realised they were swaying to the music in their heads the record long ago having come to an end. The rumble of Alfie's stomach alerted them to the fact that they still hadn't eaten anything and it was well past the time for food."Reckon we should put some clothes on and make our way to the bedroom love, it's getting late, also pretty sure if I don't eat something soon you are gonna start looking tasty in more ways than one." Alfie said quietly into Tommy's ear trying not to disrupt the moment too much."Yeah maybe we should, need a cigarette." Tommy mumbled quietly back into Alfie's neck. The pang of nervousness hitting his stomach like a sledgehammer, he couldn't really eat. Just the thought of it made him want to vomit. That feeling of being full up with the blood tainted mud he was constantly drowning in came back, the feeling growing like a persistent weed.They broke apart and began getting dressed into the clothes Frances had provided. The image of Alfie dressed in Tommy's much too short and tight clothes was hilarious but also adorable. In his rush to leave Alfie had completely forgotten to pack any sort of bag, all he had to wear were his blood-stained clothes or Tommy's midget get-up. Midget get-up it was then since he couldn't actually find his own clothes. He had to wear the shirt completely open since the buttons just would not fasten over his chest and the underwear was scandalously tight on all of his anatomy, having to readjust several times on the walk to the bedroom. Tommy found himself chuckling at the sight of Alfie repeatedly shoving his hand down the underwear to move himself to either the left or the right of the seam. The outline of his dick very obvious pressed up against the white fabric."Fucking hell Tom, how do you fit that," he gestured to the other blokes' crotch, "in these?" He said grabbing the waistband and pulling out the few milimetres he could actually stretch them."Well they fit me just fine, dunno why they don't fit you. Must be your massive ego." Tommy replied with a snort."Well I think it's something else that is massive personally but I don't want to blow my own trumpet, much rather you do that for me." Alfie said with a salacious grin."Maybe some other time. First, you need to eat, and second I need a cigarette." Tommy answered opening the door and making his way down the hall.If he moved his hips a little more than usual when he walked so what? Not like there was anybody there to complain about it. Alfie didn't say a word just enjoyed the view, if the underwear got even tighter who gave a shit at this point.As they entered the bedroom Tommy held the door open for Alfie, the sight that greeted them was a room bathed in soft candlelight a picnic laid out on the bed. Tommy really, really needed to give Frances a pay rise."Fucking hell Tom, think your maid needs a bump in pay. Little angel she is." Alfie said looking at the spread of meats and cheeses, fresh bread, fruit, and pastries. Stomach rumbling at an embarrassing volume, Alfie moved into the room and parked himself on the bed readjusting himself for the fiftieth fucking time so the pants weren't strangling him once again.Tommy retrieved the cigarettes from his bedside table, sparking one up whilst pouring himself a tumbler of whiskey. He moved to loiter by one of the massive windows, a safe distance from the bed, and the food. The whiskey could filter through the roiling mud clumps in his stomach, the smoke reminding his lungs that he was breathing in the air instead of more fucking dirt. The only thing that gave away his discomfort was the slight hunch in his shoulders, if his hands were shaking slightly no one would notice, could just say he was a bit cold. Alfie just looked at him disapprovingly."I don't care how not hungry you are, you will be eating something even if it is just a sandwich. I can physically see you getting thinner by the second. And no, cigarettes, whiskey and rage are not a suitable diet before you argue your point." Alfie said in a rather commanding voice.Tommy for once in his life did as he was told, placing the tumbler on the side table he picked up a dry slice of bread and began picking at it. Chewing in a very lackluster fashion, doing his best to swallow round the clod of acrid soil that had crawled into his throat. Alfie just shook his head and began putting together the most overstuffed sandwich Tommy had ever seen."What?" Alfie said around a mouth full of food when he saw Tommy staring at him, "This is how actual humans eat... You should try it some time Mr eating is for mortals.""I do eat. Just don't need to as much as everyone else." Tommy said in a quiet voice."Tommy you might think you are invincible, love, but you definitely need to eat as much as everyone else. It's ok though, small steps yeah? Just need to eat a little bit a day until you do actually feel hungry alright?" Alfie said gently. No rush for this. Tommy's recovery wouldn't happen overnight, but Alfie saw the nibbling on bread as a victory.Tommy just remained silent and continued picking apart various bits of bread. Alfie took a break from shovelling food into his own face to feed him a few strawberries so at least he got a few vitamins in him. Turning back to his own food Alfie notice Tommy's middle was bloated even with the meagre meal he had consumed. Tommy turned back to his whiskey, lighting another cigarette feeling moments away from expelling the food into the bucket next to the bed. Alfie went back to scarfing down his meal, not wanting to push too hard with how pale and clammy Tommy's skin had gotten.When Alfie had finally eaten his fill he cleared up the leftovers and placed them outside the bedroom door. Picking up on the fact Tommy hadn't looked comfortable since they entered room, figuring the amount of food was overwhelming him. He reclined back with one arm behind his head the other one twiddling his moustache, legs crossed at the ankles. "Ya know something Tom, this is not how I imagined I would be spending my evening. Has definitely exceeded my expectations." Alfie said at a slightly lower volume than was normal for him."Not how I thought I'd be spending my day either. Obviously, an improvement for me, even if you have eaten me out of house and home." Tommy replied heart feeling light even if he was on his 3rd cigarette since they had migrated to the bedroom. He slowly inched his way closer to Alfie craving that closeness but having no idea how to express the need, not wanting to explain why or that the spirits were creeping into the corners of his vision. Luckily Alfie could read Tommy like an open book."Come here you," Alfie said as he pulled Tommy into him, wrapping him in a tight embrace against his chest. Tommy buried his face, breathing in the musky scent. Neither one of them willing to break the moment as if it were so fragile that a breath of wind could blow it all to hell.As they heard the clock strike midnight they shuffled under the covers still wrapped in each other's arms. For once Tommy drifted off peacefully before Alfie who pushed himself to stay awake to make sure Tommy slept and maybe just a little bit to enjoy the sight of Tommy's face finally peaceful, he looked even younger now, innocent almost. Finally, he succumbed to sleep with a grin on his lips. face buried in Tommy's hair. Light snores and deep breaths filling the room as the candles burned to nothing, leaving the men bathing in the light of the moon seeping through the windows as the hours kept ticking by.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Tommy started awake, sweat-soaked and breathless, tears pouring down his cheeks. In his sleep, he had wormed his way out of Alfie's arms to the other side of the bed curling in on himself trying to protect his body from the barrage of blows coming from John, Grace, Esme, Arthur, Polly, Michael, and his father. Each taking turns screaming at him for all his past wrongs, beating him for his failings. Tommy was beaten down on the cold streets of Birmingham in the pouring rain being battered by everyone he had disappointed or failed to protect. His father screaming slurs about Alfie and his tendencies. His soul laid bare, chest split open and heart ripped out for the world to see. While his father held his heart aloft, hand dripping with blood, the other members of his family began packing the mud into him, filling him with it. Laughing and jeering as if this was the funniest thing they had ever seen. He begged and pleaded, squirmed, and screamed but they never gave in, pumping fistfuls of soil into his mouth, down his throat. He was choking on it. He couldn't breathe, Grace held his lungs in front of him, they were black and rotted, her eyes cold and dead, mouth upturned in a cold maniacal grin that didn't reach the eyes.Even now he was conscious their words still buzzing in his brain like an angry swarm of bees. He lurched forward and threw up the food he had eaten into the bucket on the floor, expecting to see gallons of sludge flow out of him. This was the reason he did not eat. His stomach rejected food with any feeling of unease and his current state made it almost impossible for him to keep it down, there was no space for food when you were packed full of fetid earth. He really thought maybe he could make it through a full night this time but as he stared out of the window into the sky he realised how foolish he was for believing he could be fixed. This was the price he paid for his sins. He dragged himself out of the bed placing numb feet onto the floor praying his weak legs would carry him from the room. Alfie was going to wake up and find him like this once again. It would be better if he left now, left the world and everyone in it. They didn't need him, no one needed him. Thomas Shelby, the world's biggest fucking burden, no wonder his family never visited. He managed to stand, batting at spectres still jeering with those cold, dead eyes. Gripping the bucket, he made an attempt to walk towards the door, to leave, but they wouldn't let him go. They closed in around him, even in his waking mind he could feel them kicking, trying to choke him with the silt bubbling inside him, knuckles white as he hunched over the bucket and expelled more bile, wretching and coughing he fell to his knees as his legs gave out under the weight of ghost's vicious barbs. Meanwhile Alfie had just turned over and grabbed a pillow cuddling round it, inhaling the smell of clean sheets, the fact that the pillow wasn't warm and was far too squishy to be Tommy made him open one eye and reach out, feeling across the sheets until he encountered a wet patch. The state of the sheets made him shoot up on high alert. He saw the outline of Tommy bathed in moonlight curled round the bucket, heaving through sobs, eyes wide and unseeing, tears still spilling down his cheeks. Quietly shuffling out of bed, he walked round to where Tommy was curled around the bucket. As soon as he got within his line of sight Tommy made a swipe at his legs, missing by a mile. Like a blind man aiming for the source of a loud noise in a crowded room. He manged to dodge the swipes and knelt down to feel at his forehead checking for a temperature but his hand came away cold and clammy which was just as worrying. Instead of trying to lift or move Tommy, fearing he would react violently and injure himself, he settled down on the floor behind him after pulling the duvet from the bed to wrap around them both. He gently wrangled the clammy man into his lap, placing one hand over Tommy's which were clamped on the bucket again and the other went to stroking his hair. Whilst holding Tommy in his lap he rocked him back and forth trying to soothe him as he continued his stomach expulsion, all blood and bile just to add another layer to this concerning scenario."Hey Tommy love. You're alright. I've got you. Alfie's here. I'm here. Nothing is going to get you darlin'. You are safe now." He whispered into Tommy's ear, lips brushing the lobe lightly, beard tickling his cheek. He brought a thumb up to wipe the tears gently from his cheeks kissing each one gently to replace the pain. The first sound Tommy let out was a quiet sob breath beginning to hitch as he came round finally waking up from his episode. No words could pass his lips but he snuggled closer to the warmth he was laid against burying his head once again, hiding from the shame of being so weak as to not be able to handle a simple nightmare. Everyone was right, he was such a failure. Pitiful. Weak. Pathetic. Worthless. Whore. He couldn't shake the words out of his skull. He believed them with absolute certainty. When you are told something for so long you start to believe it. His father was right. No matter how much Tommy despised the man he couldn't shake the feeling of his boot pounding into his ribs, couldn't stop his vile words piercing his self-esteem until it was left in tatters to be blown away by the wind. The sobs became louder no matter how much he tried to swallow them, they shook his very being to the core.All of this was so against everything Tommy had worked to build inside himself. Do not show weakness. Do not feel. Keep everything locked inside. But it was like someone had loosened the cork he had put in to stop this happening, all his emotions flooding out, spilling everywhere before Tommy could even think to find the cork to stop the tidal wave. Tommy couldn't even identify why this had happened now. Why now? Well, considering he thought he would have died long before this point he could see why this particular method hadn't planned out but still. Fucking annoying. Especially when he finally had the time to relax and enjoy himself a little. But then Tommy didn't actually know how to enjoy himself anymore. He had tried golf and fishing but with the fishing, he just ended up hiding in the pond from imaginary gunshots and the golf course just served to remind him that he didn't fit anywhere in the world. Square peg round hole, all that shit. Tommy just wants to finally fit in somewhere that he doesn't have to pretend to be someone he isn't. He had never really belonged, always caught between 2 worlds, the underworld and the legal business, a working man who became part of the upper class, a gypsy but also not a gypsy, one foot in the grave one foot with the living, not straight but not gay either. He found himself constantly trying to force himself to fit in somewhere and after so long trying eventually you just give up and accept the fact you are a freak. It still stings nonetheless but at least you aren't lying to yourself. Tommy had had enough of all the lies and scheming for an eternity but he didn't know who he was without them. He had lost himself in the underworld with no idea how to get back.Alfie was still holding Tommy, rocking him back and forth gently shushing him as you would to a small child because in reality, Tommy had shrunken back into his problematic childhood blended with the war and potentially the grave he had dug for himself on one very dark day. Childhood trauma was something Alfie was no stranger to. Half his workforce had abandonment issues, hopeless or restless souls, and saved by Alfie. Couldn't leave strays to starve so he put them to work, taught them, nurtured them, protected them. Alfie still had a soft spot for children, even though he himself would never be a father, he was a protector. He had put many men in a grave for the way they treated the innocent. No man lower. The deal he had done with that fucking priest turned Alfie's stomach now, but at the time he didn't know what the man was. If he had that fucking nonce would have been struck down the moment he opened his fucking mouth. It wouldn't do for Alfie to lose his shit now he had someone in his arms that needed him calm and gentle, not furious and brutal. He began softly kissing Tommy's head then down his cheeks until those soft lips brushed his own, he could feel the tears still trickling down his face. The kiss continued gentle and soft, coaxing Tommy back into the world, letting him set the pace.As soft lips brushed his own Tommy's sobbing eased to whimpering, he responded with a touch just as soft to the mouth above him, using the sensation to ground him. The tears still slipping down his cheeks as the gentleness broke through some of the smog clogging his head. The door to his heart cracking open slightly with the thought and tenderness that Alfie was bestowing on him. The soft rocking continued as a large hand came up to cradle his face, thumb brushing away the tears with such benevolence that it cracked open Tommy's brain. It almost felt like he was becoming more human, more tethered to the land of the living.Ever so slowly Alfie picked him up, sitting him on the bed while he remained standing. Tommy was delicate right now and it wouldn't do for Alfie to be getting too carried away. Tommy scooted backward until he was laid flat on the bed, gripping Alfies' shoulders to pull him down on top of him. He needed the contact, skin on skin. He needed the distraction, that warmth to chase away the cold that had settled into his chest cavity, where his heart was supposed to be. Alfie responded by holding him close as the kiss started to turn more heated as Tommy's whimpering turned from sadness into need. He felt Tommy's hardness pulsing against his leg which spurred him on, lust shooting through him but keeping his mind as clear as he could manage, reminding himself that this was not the time to get caught up in his own wants even though he might want to rip off the fabric separating them, feel sheathed inside Tommy's tight hole, he needed to maintain control, that time would come but it was not now, despite the fact he could feel himself painfully hard against the much too tight underwear, half fearful he was going to tear straight through the fabric. He felt surprisingly strong legs wrap around him, arms pulling him closer as Tommy moaned into his mouth as he began rolling his hips trying to get some much-needed friction. The mouth attached to his own was biting and sucking at his lower lip, breaths coming quicker from both sides. Rutting against each other with increasing pace up to the point where they were both burning hot to the touch, sweat dripping from the tip of Alfie's nose. The punishing pace continued until they both came with a cry into their respective undergarments. Alfie rolled off Tommy but still did not break contact with him pulling Tommy into his side kissing him gently."You alright love?" Alfie asked, concern dripping from every word."Mhmm 'm fine Alife, jus' tired." Tommy responded sleepily eyelids drooping shut as he tried to focus."What was all that about then? Woke up to find you curled in on yourself. Had me worried sick." Alfie said, curious to know what was going on in Tommy's noggin."Just a nightmare," Tommy said sentence broken by a yawn, "Normal stuff." Eyes now completely closed.'Normal my arse,' Alfie thought to himself, instead of saying this he just placed a soft kiss to the corner of Tommy's mouth, "Sleep love, we can talk when you have had some proper rest. Next time though wake me up yeah?""Mhmm" Tommy mumbled."Promise?" Alfie asked but no response could be found as Tommy had drifted off, just as the sun had begun to rise and the morning chorus filtered through the air lulling Alfie into a light slumber as he tried to stay awake to watch over Tommy like a guardian angel sent down from the heavens. Just with more beard and looser morals he supposed. As the sun continued to rise the events of the night before slipped away, darkness gave way to the light and all that could be heard in that room was the soft snores of two men at peace.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It was well past daybreak when Tommy finally cracked his eyes open, they felt fused together and sandy must have been from his usual nightly meltdown. The sun filtering through the windows gave a clue to the fact he had slept for far longer than he had since before France, even then he had always been on the move with work or helping out in the stables. He may not have made it through the whole night but the very notion that he had managed to fall back to sleep was nothing short of a miracle given his the past month. The events of last night came flooding back to him, the dream, his knees crashing into the floor, the vomiting, being scooped up into Alfie's arms like a child. Oh god... What he and Alfie had done. In his bed. He had cum in his pants like a schoolboy. How embarrassing. He could still feel the remnants of his 'little accident' in his boxers. He was never going to live this down.As Tommy became more aware of his surroundings he realised he was still tucked against a warm body, an arm lazily stroking his back, he looked up apprehensively to see Alfie holding a book in one hand, glasses on, forehead creased in concentration. Mouth moving slightly with every word he was reading, seemingly caught up in a world of his own. As if what happened between them last night was a regular occurrence. Tommy had no idea what he was reading or where exactly he had procured the book since Tommy certainly hadn't been keeping any in the room. Maybe Frances had brought it in. Oh shit, Frances. If she had seen him like this... Tommy buried his face again trying to hide the flush creeping up his neck and onto his cheeks, damn body giving him away. Brilliant, now his staff were going to be gossiping like milkmaids and he was going to be the subject."You alright there Tom? You bury any deeper and you'll be lost in my armpit mate." Alfie said, the humour in his voice portraying the smile on his face."Where'd you get the book?" Tommy asked trying to keep the feelings of shame out of his voice."Frances came in and offered tea, gave me this to occupy myself with until you woke up. Had a delightful bit of conversation about you. Gave me a bit of a fright, to be honest. Very loyal, that one. Reminds me of you actually. Could feel the room going cold when she threatened me." Alfie said turning back to his book as if the words that just passed his lips were not fucking mental."And why did she threaten you?" Tommy asked, keeping the slight worry out of his voice, pushing himself up to grab a cigarette."Well more of a promise really, that a certain part of my anatomy would be removed if I ever caused you any harm. Like I said, very loyal. She is more your carer than your maid at this point I think. You sure you didn't hire an ex-assassin of some kind? Would make sense for her to be working for the biggest bad in England." Alfie said still just as casually, flipping a page over with his thumb."Not the biggest bad in England anymore, just a ghost waiting to expire." Tommy said taking a drag from his cigarette."Nope not going there right now. You are Thomas fucking Shelby. Holds a lot of weight if you chuck that name about in Birmingham or London. Everyone knows who you are." Alfie said with admiration in his voice."Wish I wasn't so well known. It's my own fault I suppose, got myself caught up in a lot of shit trying to get where I wanted to be. Pointless. After all, what do I have to show for it? A big fucking house and some fucking factories. Now I've got time and I don't even know what to do with myself anymore." Tommy said throwing his legs off the side of the bed, elbows resting on his knees, hands scratching through his hair roughly. He didn't know why he was like this, not like the situation had changed. He was still Thomas Shelby after all.Alfie put his book down, removing his glasses, he moved over to sit beside Tommy placing one arm around his shoulders. "Hey come on now love, no need to be getting like that, it's a beautiful day, sun is shining, birds are going off their nuts with how happy they are, cursed creatures. Was thinking after breakfast you could show me round a bit. Introduce me to those horses you are so fond of. Reckon you haven't seen the sun in a while, if the colour of your skin is anything to go by."Tommy just shrugged out from under his arm and stood up cigarette still hanging from his lips. He left the room to go clean himself up without even turning to look at Alfie. As he made his way to the bathroom, absentmindedly scratching at his arms, he resisted the urge to run. He could hear her calling for him, couldn't see her yet though. Sometimes she came alone and was so sweet and gentle it was so hard to stop himself from following her. Other times she brought his family along to try and beat him into giving in. On his way out he grabbed some clothes and a towel throwing them over the screen in the corner. He found himself leaning against the sinks, staring at his reflection in the mirror unable to recognise the thing staring back. One hand came up to pull at his face, trying to feel something, trying to feel real. The skeletal frame of the man in the mirror made him want to look away but he couldn't. He wanted to strip the flesh from his bones, tear himself to pieces. If he didn't look into those hollow, dead eyes he could pretend the reflection was someone else but he made the mistake of looking up. Those cold, soulless eyes broke him. Reaching for his razor blades with eyes unseeing he stepped into the shower gripping the blade tight enough to cause a cramp in his shaking hand. He had gone numb all over again. It was like being underwater everything so far away. Maybe it was in his blood. Whatever it was, it had set up shop inside Tommy and showed no signs of leaving. He turned the heat all the way up and laid his head against the wall, feeling the scorching spray burning its way through his bones heating up his permanently cold skin. He wanted to melt himself down and flush the remnants down the drain just so he didn't have to be here anymore.So this is what the breaking point was. Thought he had hit it long before this but clearly not. He needed a drink and a gun. Get this over with. Everyone would be better off without him. They had told him so through his dreams. Their true feelings screamed at him through the rain and a barrage of kicks and punches. He couldn't do this anymore. He hadn't even noticed the tears coming from his eyes or the sobs wracking his body as he sunk to the floor of the shower curling in on himself, rocking back and forth trying to make his brain stop.He could hear her again, she was there with him now. Stood right behind him. "Come on my love, I know you want to come home to me. I know it hurts but it doesn't have to hurt anymore does it. You know what you need to do. Just 2 little slips and it will all be over. You can rest." He could feel her breath on his neck, he stared down at his hand, blood flowing down the drain from the cuts on his fingers. He had been gripping the blade so tightly, yet he couldn't even feel it. He just stared, disconnected from his body. He wanted her to leave him alone but he didn't want to be alone. Maybe if he bled enough she would stop talking. With no real thought, he sliced slowly but deliberately across his wrist, cutting through some of the stitches Alfie had so gently sewn. He couldn't make her stop and her voice was so loud it echoed through his brain. So loud Tommy began screaming back. Blade forgotten on the floor next to him, but it didn't matter. The damage was done.Alfie shot out of bed when he heard screaming coming from the bathroom. He had heard the water start but decided to give Tommy some space just in case it was Alfie being around that caused the sourness. Clearly, Alfie had not been the problem. For a man with cancer, he managed to move surprisingly quickly to the bathroom, bumping into Frances in the doorway in his haste."Alfie Solomons what have you done to that poor man?!" Frances asked getting very close to Alfie looking him square in the eye, the hallway felt cold as she fixed him with a stare that could freeze hell."Fuckin' hell woman! Nothing I swear, he got up I asked if he wanted to show me around and go see the horses. He just shrugged and left, I assumed he needed a piss but then I heard the shower so no need to worry until the screaming started. That is all. I am here to try and fix the idiot again." Alfie said holding both hands up in a show of innocence trying to put on his charm and hide his fear which clearly did not work."Well go scoop him up then, don't think he would appreciate me breaking down the door. Need to get something done about all these locks though." The last part said mainly to herself.Without a second thought for his shoulder or the door frame Alfie launched himself into the room in a cloud of splinters. He yanked back the shower curtain to see Tommy curled on the floor looking at nothing, skin a brilliant red muttering to himself. The steam filling the room showed just how hot the water was and Alfie consumed with worry threw himself into the stream of water, a list of profanities leaving his mouth as he scooped a shivering Tommy out from under the spray and back into the bathroom. Seeing the blood flowing into the drain he noticed the large gash bleeding sluggishly. "Fucking hellfire Tom, what the fuck have you done now?!" Alfie struggled to keep the anger out of his voice, he knows it comes from a place of concern but fuck me, this is starting to get a bit difficult. He breathes in through his nose and slowly out through his mouth. "Okay Tommy, this is what we are going to do, I am going to hold your arm up in the air and you are going to sit still while Frances slips this belt around your arm so we can stop the bleeding ok? I am going to take the muttering and general inactivity as agreement to this." Frances was there with a towel which she quickly wrapped over Tommy in a very nurse like manner. Grabbing the belt that was hung over the screen, she cinched it tight just below his elbow. With a swift nod, she said, "I am going to get the same shit I got for you yesterday, some tea for you both and his cigarettes. God knows he is going to need one when you pull him round from this." Turning on her heel to make her way through the empty doorway leaving Alfie no time to argue.He crumpled to his knees with Tommy still in his arms. Shushing him and rocking back and forth tears falling from his own eyes as he noticed the blood soaking onto the towel he had managed to wrap around the fresh wound. He could not leave Tommy on his own for one second. Why had the world been so fucking horrible to this man? He had been through enough. He had suffered enough. It was time for someone to step in and take care of him. Alfie would do that because he had to. No one should feel this way, least of all Tommy. He was so beautiful and broken. In so much pain. That combination would bring tears to any man's eyes but for Alfie, Tommy was more than just some beautiful man he was everything. They were both broken but in such different ways. He loved Tommy and even if Tommy couldn't hear him he had to say it. Had to let it out. The tears flowing from both of them. Tommy had to know someone cared, someone loved him, someone was there."I know you aren't in this world right now love, but I just have to tell you. I love you. I love everything about you, from your hair to your toes. Your eyes, your ears, your brain, your mouth, your neck, your body. I love you down to your very core Tommy. I need you more than I need air and if you left this earth before me well I wouldn't be able to cope in a world without you in it. You have my dirty black heart and my sordid rotten soul. I am going to be here for you forever because that is what we promise to those we love darling. We promise the world and everything we are. But you, Tommy, you are perfect in everything you are. In everything you do and the only reason I am here is so you don't destroy yourself because a world without you is not one that is worth living in. I should have made my move as soon as I met you but you weren't ready. God we have missed out on so much together. I love you. You hear that Tommy. I. Love. You." This declaration of love was separated by sobs and kisses to cheeks and bare flesh.Tommy just turned his head and kissed Alfie full on the mouth. He had come round about halfway through the speech. He allowed the words to wash over him like waves in the ocean. Alfie loved him. Nothing to be scared of. Safe. Safe Safe. That is all he could feel when he was in Alfie's arms. That is all he ever wanted to feel. Well that and how he had felt pushed up against the bathroom sink. That was some next-level shit. He had never felt that amount of lust coursing through his veins all for a man with a beard. The beard was definitely not a deal-breaker though. Tommy needed brutal, he needed to be pushed around. He would make Alfie do that. Because Alfie loved him and he didn't deserve him. He would make Alfie hate him and leave him. Just like everyone else. He didn't need this. He needed a good fuck. That is all Tommy wanted right now.He turned in Alfie's lap straddling him, legs wrapped around his back. Lips bruising with pressure and need, biting and sucking at the man before him. Tommy moved his mouth down that neck sucking and grazing, marking him. Alfie moaning and breathless in his arms. Good, this was good. He could feel himself hardening to the point of pain. Alfie straining through the fabric separating them. Tommy tore through with strength spurred by lust. Taking Alfie roughly in his hand, pumping him with the idea of riding him into the sunset."Woah Tommy, woah stop. Stop." Alfie said breathlessly, removing Tommy's hand from himself.The tears continued to pour from both men. Tommy took a deep breath flopping forward into Alfie's collarbone sobs ripping through his slender frame, shaking the man below him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Don't leave me. I'll do anything. I'll show you. You don't need to leave me." Tommy said trying to grab Alfie's dick and prove his worth."Tommy hey, I'm not going anywhere, and now is not the time. We can get to that later." He pulled Tommy's hand away placing them around his waist, giving him a soft kiss on the lips Alfie wrapped his arms around Tommy holding him close as they both cried there on the bathroom floor wrapped up in each other. Letting out all the hurt and pain running through them after years of holding it all in. It was the catharsis they both needed so desperately.The sight Frances saw through the doorway was enough to cause anybody to stop and take a moment to look back on their lives with thankful visions. Sure she may have to work hard and barely get any time off but at least her demons are under control, she had dealt with her past. At least she was not sat on the floor shaking and crying and bleeding everywhere. Again. Frances walked into the bedroom placing the tray of tea and medical paraphernalia on the bedside table before straightening out the bed, and gathering the washing. She wished she could use her skills to ruin every person that had turned Tommy into this but she had a feeling that more bloodshed wouldn't help, plus everyone that had ever done him wrong was already pushing daisies if she had done her research right. It is why she had chosen to work for him after all. Not many people would hire someone with as many marks against her name as Frances had. Tommy seemed to overlook the blood she herself had on her hands from long ago.She had managed to serve her country in the war alongside men, just in a different way. Infiltrating the other side as a spy only to be cast out as soon as she returned home. She had swallowed her hate and used her skills to find less than savoury employment for the highest bidder. She had been efficient and deadly before her little predicament. Now she had a little one to care for, which Tommy was well aware of. Pretty sure that is what got her through the door and by the time she had shown her true colours she had already proven her worth when that Russian cunt came into the household. She had caught him sniffing about putting, him to a swift and sudden end when Arthur's hands began to shake, unable to finish the job sober. How Tommy found out about that she would never know, but she had a feeling it was Arthur she had to thank for that one. She had never lied about who she was, not outright anyway. Maybe by omission. But that is beside the point. She was here now and it was a good thing she was. Not many women of the current era would have taken so well to having their master being taken care of by another man. Lucky for them she had seen a great many things and this was something she felt was rather beautiful and sweet. Frances was a firm believer in letting people love who they wanted to love and found it utterly abhorrent that her way of thinking was seen as preposterous by so many. With all the laundry bundled in her arms, she made her way back down to the scullery to start on the washing leaving the men to it. It wasn't her place to do anything but assist quietly from the shadows after all it is what she does best.After they had both calmed down which had taken longer than either man cared to admit Tommy moved off of Alfie's lap to stand up and wrap the towel around himself properly."You mind if I get a shower while you dress? Feel like I definitely need to freshen myself up." Alfie asked Tommy quietly giving him a soft stroke on the arm."Yeah that's fine, not going to run out of water any time soon so take your time." Tommy replied equally as quiet.Alfie stepped into the shower turning the faucet on Alfie bellowed, "Argh fuck, fuck. HOT HOT HOT. CUNTING WATER. SHIT. FUCK!" As the temperature of the water spraying from the tap felt like satan himself had appeared and was licking his back. From behind the shower curtain he heard Tommy chuckle."Might want to turn the temperature down, it's a bit hot." This warning came clearly too late, Alfie stuck his head out of the shower to fix Tommy with a glare and a pout face red from the heat as well as the crying."No fucking shit. Also, stick your arm in the arm for me, and for the love of God will you sit down so I don't have to check you for a concussion." Alfie said pouting slightly as he waited for the water to cool. "So you want to talk about what is going on in that pretty little head of yours while I'm in the shower? Cuz I sure as fuck would like to know. Would make my job a whole lot easier love." Alfie continued trying to coax some of the pain out of Tommy's mouth away from his heart and his head."Not much to tell, just the normal shit. Nightmares, the war, family stuff. Nothing special. No monsters hiding in the cupboards or under the floorboards. Just Germans hiding in tunnels and ghosts hiding in here." Tommy said tapping his temple as Alfie stepped under the water again."Well I'm calling bullshit on the fact it's normal shit. Nothing about you or your life so far has been normal Tommy and you playing it off isn't helping anything. You know you can tell me anything and I won't be going anywhere right? Because I ain't going nowhere, love. No getting rid of me now. I'm like a persistent fungus." Alfie went on trying to ease Tommy's worry and trying to help with those oh so obvious abandonment issues as well as several other issues Tommy was dealing with."Honestly Alfie, it's nothing. I'm sure you have things to attend to in London. I'll be fine up here. Got Frances haven't I?" Tommy said trying to sound positive and get Alfie to leave before he could get more attached than he already was."I am technically dead Tommy. There is nothing left for me back in London now. But if you genuinely want me to leave you will have to point-blank ask for that. Otherwise, I ain't going. And I don't actually think you want me to leave mate. Otherwise, you'd have killed me the first chance you got." Alfie said intending to push just a little just to see how Tommy would react to that.Before Tommy could answer Frances appeared in the doorway with a fresh pot of tea, cigarettes, and a lighter on a tray which she set down neatly on the counter of the sinks, not even batting an eye at the nakedness she was strolling through nor giving a flying fuck about the bizarreness of the situation. She simply didn't care what or who sorted Tommy's shit out only that something or someone did. As she walked past the shower with a towel in her arm right on cue an arm flailed out of the shower reaching for something nearly clocking her in the head. Lucky her reflexes hadn't dulled."I am assuming it is a towel you are groping the air for sir? Here you go." She said placing the towel in the hand sticking out of the shower, "Make sure he drinks some tea, get that fresh wound sewn up, and get him to eat not just smoke at breakfast. It will be sitting in the dining room for when you are both slightly more decent." No nonsense tone making it hard to refuse."Yes ma'am!" Alfie said with a mock salute after he secured the towel around his waist. "Thank you for the tea Frances. I will try my best but you know how stubborn our Tommy can be, eh?""Oh I am very aware but I am sure out of the 2 of us, you likely have more ways to encourage him to look after himself." Frances replied with a cheeky tone and a wink whisking herself out of the room but not before she heard Tommy shout from the floor, "I am sat right here you know? The man who pays you?"Frances just gave a chuckle as she heard Alfie laugh and Tommy huff making her way to look after Charlie and make sure he was happy and entertained. One of these days it would be Tommy doing this and she couldn't wait. She loved Charlie but you could never replace a parent, no matter how hard you tried but Charlie did not need memories of his dad in the state he was in so Frances did her best which for now, was enough.Back in the bathroom, Tommy was sulking slightly but was now sat on the counter with a cigarette hanging from his lips swinging his feet and sipping a cup of tea, arm dutifully held above his shoulder, while Alfie leaned against the sink next to him sharing a companionable silence. In the quiet peace of the room, Alfie reached a hand over placing it on Tommy's knee giving it a light squeeze just to make sure the man next to him was still here and that Alfie was not hallucinating. Never in his life did he imagine he would be stood in a towel next to Tommy Shelby, in a very grand bathroom supping tea after spending the night in the same bed. Hopefully, it would be how he spent the rest of his life but hopefully with less blood and screaming. That was a delightful thought to be having before breakfast. Smiling into his tea, heart feeling lighter as a hand placed itself over his own in a show of affection he barely thought Tommy would be capable of. A light squeeze had Alfie almost positive he was in fact dead and had ended up in heaven by accident. This was the life. Once the tea was drunk and Tommy had finished 2 cigarettes, with his arm propped up on Alfie's shoulder when the muscles started protesting and quivering, they migrated back to the bedroom. Alfie walking slightly behind Tommy just in case the blood loss caught up to him. Which it did after all of 2 steps into the hallway. He noticed the lag shakes and pallid tone of Tommy's face. He wrapped an arm around his waist, chucking the newly damaged arm around his shoulders, taking the brunt of Tommy's meager weight. He was destined for a dead faint at this point, lucky for both of them they entered the bedroom just as Tommy's vision began failing, his legs turning to rubber. Alfie plonked him on the bed, re-arranging his almost unconscious form into a horizontal position, elevating his feet to get the blood to flow back to his brain. "How you managed to survive before I appeared, I will never know Tom. Wonder how many times Frances had to come and try to sew you back together. Bet you bit at her like a feral animal. No way to treat your staff that, you'll make a name for yourself among the maids as a rabid creature. Although that may be fitting, I don't think it would help with your staff turnover." Alfie may as well have been talking to himself but maybe the sound of his voice would give Tommy something to focus on. Just in case whoever he was muttering to decides to make a reappearance. Would be mighty fucking rude if you asked Alfie but then again if you are dead do you really need to give a shit about being appropriate? He guessed not, but still. Un-ac-fucking-ceptable. Frances had put Alfie's clothes in a drawer that she left slightly open and had managed to find some other garments that may actually fit a bit better. Probably something of John's leftover. Instead of getting dressed immediately, he decided it was probably wise to get the unpleasant stitching and disinfecting done. Save themselves from Frances' wrath, lest they get more blood on fresh clothes. "Now then Thomas, we are going to have to get you all stitched up again. I know your arm is tingling with pins and needles and it's not nice, but that tourniquet needs to stay there until I have finished patching you up. It's also gonna sting like a bitch but you know this already, since you have disappeared into your own head again I am taking the silence and general corpse-like impression as an agreement to lie still and let me get this done as quickly as possible." Still talking to himself he began threading the needle, luckily Frances had stuck his glasses on the tray with everything else he needed so he wasn't going to make a pig's ear of this. Taking off the temporary towel bandage he eyed the fresh wound, he had also managed to rip a few stitches out of one of the older ones as well... Fucking brilliant. More work, but at least his back was feeling better after the massage yesterday. He tilted his head up before applying the antiseptic watching Tommy's face, there was a small wrinkle between his eyebrows and he could see his lips starting to mutter again. Fuck it, might as well talk to himself if that is what Tommy was planning on doing. "So all this fucked up brain shit you have going on has got me to thinking it has, see, I've always known there was something off about you. Not in a bad way but in a sort of disconcerting way. Your quick thinking and ability to somehow scrape through every lick of danger has always amazed me, I have now realised that this all comes from your total lack of regard for your own wellbeing. And let me tell you, a man is nothing without his health. Something I should know a thing or two about given my status as somewhat of a God. Wise and all-seeing is what they say. So, I reckon, all these ghosts in your head, banging about in that giant attic of yours are just all your restlessness right, swarming up and realising they've got nowhere to go. So instead, because of the aforementioned lack of self-regard, they have begun spiraling at you with whatever they can get their hands on right? I reckon we need to get you away for a bit. Away from these ghosts and all the memories tied up in that knotted lump of a brain you are housing. Maybe, in a couple of days, we could take a trip, just for a few days mind you, down to my house in margate. My house is near the beach as you well know, plenty of sea air to keep those lungs clear and them spectres far away." This long monologue helped him get through the gnarly process of stitching Tommy back together. Work finally done, he glanced up to see Tommy with a relaxed smile on his face, eyes open, actually seeing real things again. "Mmmmm Margate does sound nice Alfie, been a while since I spent a few days by the sea. Reckon you could be right about the ghosts in the attic. Am I all stitched up now, nurse?" Tommy asked slightly dreamily but it was better than the blank stare he had been sporting far too often. "Fucking nurse?! Well, that is just peachy init, I do a fine job of patching you up once again and I am still just a nurse! Way to add insult to injury Tom, Down right wounded me that has. But since I am such a fine specimen of the human race, let's get you sat up and see if we can get you a cuppa and a cigarette." With that said he piled cushions behind Tommy and helped him into a sitting position, pressing a small kiss to his temple, this was greeted with a soft smile. My God, he was never going to get used to that little smile and if it ever stopped his heart then he would die happy.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Tommy now propped up comfortably, stitched and bandaged, Alfie called for Frances. She arrived moments later with breakfast for Alfie and a small portion of toast extra. Since Tommy hadn’t eaten anything at all for quite a while, she had thought a small amount of something would be better, nothing worse than being overfaced by a mountain of food. She hadn’t skimped at all on Alfie’s plate however, plenty of scrambled eggs, some beef sausages, grilled tomatoes and mushrooms with 4 slices of toast on a side plate. A fresh pot of tea with 2 cups and an extra lighter just in case Alfie smokes, she wasn’t sure on that one though. As per usual, Tommy picked up a cigarette, rolling it across his bottom lip then managing to light it whilst pouring himself a cup of tea. That first inhalation of smoke was blissful, tilting his head back to blow the smoke out with his eyes closed. Alfie watched with amusement while filling his own cup and picking up his plate, the smell of the food was wonderful, he really needs to remember to eat even if Tommy has zero concept of when it is an appropriate time to eat. The amount he smokes its no wonder he doesn’t have much of an appetite. “Reckon you could eat something for me, Tom? I know last night didn’t go so well but you do need to eat something, contrary to popular belief cigarettes do not count as food.” Tommy squirmed a bit at the thought of eating, the mud was still there, it hadn’t left. Adding food to the shit he was already choking on made his go wide. He didn’t think he could stomach it. Not right now. But he couldn’t not try. Alfie would ask questions. He didn’t want to answer, he would think he was insane. “Just let me finish this cigarette first, no rush is there.” Trying to keep the edge of panic out of his voice as best he could. “No, no rush at all. Just thinking you probably have some issue with food that has suddenly gotten worse is all.” Alfie said, giving some insight into what he had already assumed. He had picked up on the change in Tommy since he mentioned eating but without it, Tommy was never going to get any better. He would just waste away to nothing, and Alfie would have to watch. Instead of dwelling on it too much he went back to shovelling his breakfast in, some appreciative moans managed to make their out round the gobful he was chewing, this at least, seemed to make Tommy smirk. Trying to be as distracting as possible while Tommy picked up the toast Alife kicked up the moaning noises and lip smacking. Figuring a distraction would probably be helpful, stop wherever Tommy’s head took him when he tried to eat. “I dunno who your fucking cook is mate, but this shit is spectacular. Expected the Jewish thing to throw ‘em off. My God, better than sex. Well, not quite but almost. Did you know I knew a man that used to sell goats in Camden…” Alfie went off on a long story, completely fictional, about the crazy goatseller of Camden Town. Tommy was listening intently because Alfie talks fast and if he doesn’t concentrate he might miss a conversation cue, nibbling at the toast and picking at it while he was distracted made it easier to swallow round the earth clogging his throat. Without thinking too much he had managed to finish a slice, abdomen bloating out. That was probably enough for now but the smug look on Alfie’s face had him blushing slightly. Fucker had found a loophole. Sparking up another cigarette, he refilled his teacup, leaning back against the mountain of pillows. They really did need to do something that wasn’t just sitting around in bed all day. Alfie had seen all of 3 rooms of the house, there was plenty of places to walk around. Maybe take him to the stables. He hadn’t been to see the horses for a while actually. Should probably go check on that whole situation. First, they both needed to get dressed, he hadn’t lost that much blood and he felt fine now. Nauseous from the food but that was normal these days. Being busy would help. While Tommy had been figuring out a plan for the rest of the day, Alfie had finished all the food on the tray, slurping down the last dregs of tea from his cup. “Right Tommy, you feeling up for a little walk? Think some fresh air could do us both good really. After getting dressed of course. Think this is the most time I have spent almost naked around another person in years.” Alfie said, a smile crinkling the corners of his eyes. Tommy felt his heart skip slightly, he had completely forgotten what it felt like to have a heart. “Thought we could get dressed and maybe go see the horses? Know you aren’t a fan but it’s a nice walk and I do need to see how they are getting on down there.” Tommy said, stubbing out his third cigarette and making a move to get out of bed. “Sounds good to me mate, would be nice to see you breathe something in that wasn’t smoke,” he said, standing up to give Tommy room. Tommy sat on the edge of the bed placing slightly shaky legs on the floor, he hates how weak he has become. Scooping up the remaining cigarettes Frances had left on the tray (Frances must have a huge stash of cigarettes somewhere in the house) he began making his way to the wardrobe. While absentmindedly fixing the towel around his waist the pull of the new stitches made him wince, drawing his gaze down to his arms, holding them out in front of him and slowly turning them, feeling far away from himself. The mess he had made. The fog had returned as soon as Alfie had finished talked. Awareness creeping into his mind caressing the fog surrounding his thoughts. Hard to feel anything really. He continued making his way around the room, not registering what he was doing or where he was going just sleepwalking through reality like he had been for so long, a ghost haunting his own body. What he needed to do was get dressed and act normal. He was fine. 'Just keep repeating that and you will eventually get there,' he thought to himself.Alfie followed Tommy like a shadow. For once completely silent. Leaving Tommy to his thoughts because sometimes that's what was needed to repair the damage. He just wished he could see what was going on and fix it. But he couldn't, so he trailed just behind keeping Tommy within arm’s reach since it looked like a strong breeze could topple him over still. He needed to get him to eat and sit and breathe. As long as he could get him to do that, he could fix this. He could help him save himself, all too aware of his inability to stitch up Tommy's brain like he did his arms. Can't be going in there poking around too much though. Delicate thing, the human mind. He should have seen this sooner. Done something sooner. Should have. Would have. Could have. Too late now for all that. He was here now, it would have to do. He sped up wrapping his arms around Tommy's middle pulling him close resting his forehead against the back of his neck. The feel of strong, slightly hairy arms wrapping around his waist shook Tommy from his smoke-filled thoughts."I'm so sorry Thomas," Alfie whispered into the nape of his neck."Nothing to be sorry for, did this to myself." Tommy said stroking the arms round his middle gently with his thumb head bent forward staring at his battered body."I should have come sooner. I should have been here. I should have known." Alfie murmured tearing up a little.Tommy turned in the circle of arms wrapping his own around Alfie squeezing him close. "You are here now, Alfie hey, that is the past, let's leave it there." He said in quiet, soothing tones."I just don't want to lose you, I can see you wasting away in front of me and I know I could have stopped it getting this bad for you." Alfie said letting his fears be known as the tears made their way down his face silently. He wasn't one for fear or showing it, but he needed to let Tommy know just how important he was, what it would do to Alfie if he wasn't around anymore."Alfie, this isn't on you. But I'll try to find my way back I promise." Tommy said trying so hard to uncover his emotions.Alfie captured his lips in a soft kiss full of promises and apologies. Tommy returned it in the same gentle manner that seemed out of place for both men. Lips brushing lips, tongues caressing, teasing each other with the possibility of forever, tainted with the sadness of knowing forever was impossible. But maybe, just maybe, it would be worth all the pain when it ended. Everything ends and everyone dies but for them, this kiss was a solemn promise that no matter what happened they would always have this, these sides they had revealed to each other, the knowledge that they were safe with each other, their secrets protected, their flaws accepted. The kiss fizzled out until they were both breathless. Foreheads resting against each other, eyes shining with the overflowing emotions they had shared.There they remained dressed only in towels making silent vows conveyed through tear-stained cheeks. This was it for both of them. This was what their entire lives seemed to be leading up to. They had built empires of blood with foundations made of corpses but for Tommy, those bodies were buried under concrete, legal concrete. He trusted his family with the business, Michael was handling America with the help of Ada and Polly was getting Arthur eased into the position as head of the family since Tommy was effectively given the break he very much deserved. And now he had Alfie. His knight in soft jumpers, armed with a cane and razor-sharp wit. He never would have thought him capable of such gentleness but then again their working relationship did not require anything close to it. He wished he had been granted an entry into Alfie's arms sooner but it would never have worked back then, too much to do, too many enemies. Together they may have been unstoppable but caring about people playing the game they had for so long proved exploitable and weaknesses left bare would have been their undoing.Breaking away slowly Tommy turned taking Alfie's hand and leading him to the unmade bed shedding his towel on the way. The trip to the stables forgotten. Alfie trailing behind swallowing hard as the magnificent arse tensed in front of him with every step. Hypnotised by the sway of those hips he didn't notice his own towel falling to the floor as his member grew hard at the beauty in front of him. Pale skin stretched across lean muscles, clearly, horse riding was an excellent form of exercise. Mouth dry and slightly open Alfie let himself be pulled down on top of Tommy, lips captured in a soft kiss quickly evolving into a frenzy with the burning need growing between them. Alfie had to stop himself before he lost control and went too far. He broke them apart, already missing the feel of those lips against his own."Tommy are you sure you are up to this?" He asked searching the face before him stroking his cheek softly."Never been more sure of anything in my life." Tommy said with a certainty he hadn't felt in a long time."If it hurts or you change your mind or if you need to stop just tell me and we will stop ok?" Alfie said, tone suddenly serious. He was mightily aware of how pivotal this would be for the both of them. It could go one of 2 ways, either brilliantly and it would be the best experience of their lives or fucking horribly and they would never be able to look each other in the eye again. This all made Alfie very, very nervous. The man was no blushing virgin but this wasn't just a hasty fuck with a stranger, this was Thomas fucking Shelby, this should be making love. This should be special and beautiful. But he didn't think Tommy would handle the gentleness that well. Fuck it go with instinct."Alfie I am not going to fucking break, but yes, fine, I will tell you if something isn't right. Now can we please get on with it?" Tommy said rolling his eyes in exasperation. He wasn't some delicate piece of china and it pissed him off that Alfie was treating him as such. He had seen Tommy in action, he knew how much Tommy could take. Yet he was still treating him like a fragile vase. This was sex. He wanted Alfie right now. No matter the cost. He needed to feel something real. Something to ground him. Alfie could ground him, keep him in the here and now."Promise me Tom? That if you don't like something you will tell me to stop. Humour an old fart will ya?" Alfie asked with puppy dog eyes knowing full well Tommy couldn't resist that look."Fine scouts honour." Tommy replied holding up 3 fingers in a salute, "Now fucking kiss me."Alfie was more than happy to oblige now the consent element had been settled and he was certain that Tommy wouldn't suffer needlessly. He held himself just above Tommy not wanting to crush the smaller man, legs entangled, ravaging those soft plump lips with vigor unknown for a man that was supposedly riddled with cancer, even his legs were holding out. Must be Tommy's effect, God knows how much better Alfie feels with Tommy around.Tommy turned his head to the side, eyes closed and mouth open slightly, as Alfie kissed and mouthed his way down the column of his milky white throat, beard bristling against his skin and tickling in a torturous way. Tommy's breaths were coming faster now, the noises escaping his throat would make a whore blush, they fed into Alfie's arousal. He began writhing against Alfie's leg cock leaking and aching with need."Alfie, get on with it will you." Tommy said breathlessly."Alright then Princess where's your oil?" Alfie replied breathing heavily in his ear, hand lightly stroking Tommy's throat."Bedside table, second drawer down, at the back." Tommy replied, already missing the feel of Alfie's warm body and hand on his neck, as Alfie crawled across him to rifle through his drawers. After a few moments of furious rifling accompanied by cursing Alfie returned triumphant, the kissing, nuzzling and nibbling continued. He began working his way down Tommy's body stopping off at his nipples to give them some attention as they stood solid on the white expanse of flesh before him. Sucking and biting gently elicited the most beautiful noise of pleasure that had ever graced Alfie's ears. He spent longer than necessary lavishing that chest, after what felt like an eternity for Tommy, Alfie finally migrated down bypassing the throbbing member in favour of preparing Tommy with his tongue. As soon as he felt Alfie's tongue licking his opening Tommy's back arched off the bed, hands gripping the sheets, moaning Alfie's name in breathless whispers. Alfie laid on his stomach, face buried between those beautiful cheeks, tongue probing the puckered hole with relish until he felt Tommy relaxing. Alfie got onto his knees hearing them crack in protest, he uncorked the bottle of oil with his teeth looking Tommy directly in the eye as he did so, Tommy found this wildly erotic, anything to do with Alfie's mouth turned him on now he really thought about it. Just Alfie's entire being set his body on fire. He felt one finger circling his entrance then slowly pushing inside him, he pushed back grinding himself against Alfie's knuckles, craving more. "Greedy little whore aren't you Tommy? Need more than just my finger in there." Alfie said in a low voice, leaning forwards squeezing Tommy's neck with his other hand while he continued slowly moving index finger in and out, loosening Tommy up. Tommy felt like he was going to explode with the need to feel Alfie inside him."Fuck Alfie, more, please more." Tommy asked breathlessly.Alfie eased in a second finger and began scissoring them to stretch Tommy open, after pushing in a third and crooking them slightly he found that sweet spot. That touch sent fire through Tommy's bones propelling his back off the bed and a loud moan erupting followed by Alfie's name.Alfie's resolve finally snapped, he oiled himself up and slipped into that warm, tight, pulsing heat. However, he became aware that he needed to do this slowly and focus on Tommy. He may be dying with need but Tommy didn't need to be ripped open. Alfie slowed himself down and let out a groan as he slowly bottomed out."You alright Tom?" Alfie asked, breathless and strained with the control it took not to start moving.Tommy's face was pinched as he tried to breathe past the stinging stretch as he was filled entirely with Alfie, "Give me a minute." He said trying to mask the strain.Alfie leaned down kissing him softly, stroking the pale column of Tommy's throat with his hand, doing his best to hold still and not give in to the urge to start moving. "I can stop. If you want?" Alfie asked reluctantly, he didn't want to stop, the heat wrapped around him so inviting but it wasn't his style to ignore the discomfort of someone he is bedding. Let it be known that Alfie Solomons is a kind and generous lover."Alfie it's fine, you can move." Tommy replied starting to wriggle his hips as he relaxed into the feeling.Alfie's eyes may have rolled back slightly at the small wriggle. He began moving his hips slowly back and forth relishing the feeling of being buried deep inside that tight heat.The slow pace set by Alfie was torture for Tommy, he wasn't used to this gentleness. He needed rough and painful and fast. Love never had a place in the bedroom as far as Tommy's dalliances with other men were concerned. Alfie was different. Alfie was out of this world."Alfie faster, please." Tommy begged, he needed more.Since Tommy's wish was Alfie's command he picked up the space, hammering deep with every thrust, hand squeezing Tommy's throat just right. Tommy tilted his hips slightly, stars appearing behind his eyes as Alfie struck that sweet spot, stroking it over and over again until Tommy was sure he would explode with the overwhelming pleasure of it all. He could feel the climax coming as his balls tightened and his hole started clenching giving Alfie the warning to speed up. The stimulation was becoming too much, Alfie's own climax thundering forwards as he heard Tommy let out a moan a jet of white coating their stomachs. Alfie bowed his head to plant a sloppy kiss on Tommy's open mouth as he plowed on at a punishing pace until he too came with a cry collapsing slightly to the side of Tommy trying not to crush him with his weight."Wow," Alfie said breathlessly with eyes wide, "Come here." He pulled Tommy close to enjoy the post-coital glow. The room seemed to be filled with warmth as their breathing slowed and they descended back to reality.They remained like this for some time, just staring into each other's eyes as the afternoon sun bathed them in a golden hue. Alfie's eyes on fire with the light seeping in through the windows, setting Tommy's heart ablaze, melting through that icy shell he had worked so hard to maintain through it all. But now he didn't need the ice anymore. He had been out in the cold for so long. So very long. Alfie had warmed his bones and lifted him out of that icy canal he had been drowning in since the war. With the coldness pushed away, replaced with heat, Tommy finally felt like a man again, not a monster creeping around in the shadows. No longer a racehorse that just had to keep running but a man in charge of his own destiny. This is how it felt to be alive.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
As the late afternoon sun filtered through the drapes they began to realise just how long they had spent in bed, both men feeling the ache from their earlier activities, Tommy feeling it every time he sat or moved and Alfie every time he shifted his legs. Not unused to the pain, Alfie made an attempt to raise himself from the bed, legs screaming for him to just lie there, everyone knows Alfie isn't one for taking orders, even from himself. He pushed up into a sitting position wincing slightly at the racing jolts shooting from the tips of his toes to the base of his skull. Oh, so it was going to be one of those fucking days apparently. Fuck this, stupid fucking bad back. He made the executive decision to stretch and try to crack his spine, a bad move since he could feel all knots in his muscles raking across the bones. Right, ok, well, a walk would help. Get his blood flowing. Get some fresh air and all that, seems to be plenty around outside Tommy's castle. "Where are you going?" Tommy asked, curious as to why Alfie was trying to get out of bed when he was clearly in pain. "Need to walk about a bit. That's all, love. Nothing to worry about, just mi old bones showing mi age." Alfie said trying to play off the seriousness of the situation. As soon as his feet hit the floor the pain shot up with an intensity that scorched his nerves. Alfie let out a strained noise as he pushed until he was upright, knuckles white as he gripped the bedpost trying to hold himself steady. He needed to hide this, what good was a weak old fogie for the man laid naked on the bed. He couldn't show how sick he truly was. Tommy didn't need to be reminded that he was living on borrowed time. While Alfie was attempting to drag his body around Tommy had been watching him, assessing what was actually happening. He deduced that Alfie was having a bad day health-wise and was too proud to show it, pointlessly making himself worse by trying to pretend everything was normal. Tommy was well aware of Alfie's problems so he didn't really understand why Alfie was being so proud about it around him, especially after the states he had seen Tommy in over the past few days. Seeing Alfie's legs shaking and knuckles whiten Tommy got out of the bed as quickly as he could, wincing himself at the pain from his slightly aching muscles, dancing around trying to put his underwear on before Alfie's legs gave out. Luckily he caught him under the arms before he could fall forwards. "Alfie will you sit down. Take a minute and bloody breathe, before you hurt yourself." Tommy commanded concern peppering his voice, face creased with worry for his cancer-riddled companion. "This aging business isn't all it's cracked up to be." Alfie said forcing some humour into his tone as he let himself flop less than gracefully back down onto the mattress. The effort to just hold himself up had taken it out of him, left him feeling weak, the facade he was trying so hard to keep up was slipping. He kept his head bowed, eyes hidden from Tommy's searching gaze. He didn't want to give away exactly how excruciating the pain radiating from his back had become. "Oh come on Alfie, lie back down and let me sort something out for you," pushing Alfie back onto the mattress and picking his legs up to place them on the bed while he got to work grabbing the oil "Right, so where does it hurt?" He warmed the oil in his hands, taking Alfie's feet and slowly massaging up towards his calves, trying to ease the pain as Alfie tried to breathe through it. Tommy used his fingers to deftly massage the oil into the feet then up to the ankles. He hadn't given this level of attention to anyone but Grace back when her ankles swelled and her feet hurt from carrying Charlie inside her. It was one of his few talents, hands working on muscle memory alone. As he massaged Alfie's calves, moving up his legs, his mind began to wander, thoughts drifting to his beautiful deceased wife, wondering what she would think of him massaging Alfie Solomons in their bed. Funny he should be thinking that this is the thing she would find most strange, after the acts they had already engaged in without her once making an appearance. That in itself was odd, as Grace's death had left him riddled with guilt, she flashed through his mind as an apparition, trying to convince him to join her. It had been getting increasingly difficult not to follow her, voice so calm and even and sure, just to rest, finally rest. But, he supposed, Grace, the real Grace, would want him to be happy even if he had done nothing with his sorry life to deserve something remotely pleasant. God knows he didn't, but he had tried to redeem himself to honour her memory. It still hurt to think of her, either on purpose or accidentally. The guilt ate away at him. He knew as well as any that she was never the intended target of that bullet but maybe there was a reason Grace had died and maybe that reason was so he could be with the man whose legs he was currently massaging. If it was, it was seriously fucked up but everything in Tommy's life was fucked up, just like him. Tommy carried on with the task at hand musing away about Grace's reaction to this entire situation. She would probably be laughing at him since she could see straight through the mask he wore from the moment they met. Something Grace and Alfie had in common. Maybe he had a thing for people who could see him, actually see him. Showing who he really was had been a problem recently, he had been playing this character for so long he didn't quite know who he was supposed to be underneath all the dirt and the blood. Felt like he was choking on it more often than not, the cigarettes helped some but eating had become a no go, he could drown himself in gin but the mere thought of chewing anything made his stomach heave around the dead weight that had taken up residency there. Like he had been subject to vivisection, his organs removed and replaced with acidic soil, the type where nothing could grow. Alfie was laying with his head back doing his best not to look like he was being tortured, Tommy's hands working on his muscles to try and ease the cramping and intense discomfort, peaking from under his arms he studied Tommy's face, the face was not one of extreme concentration but one that had Tommy far away, somewhere Alfie could never follow. Since Alfie could see no panic or fear on his face, just this crease between his eyebrows sitting above eyes glazed over, hinting at sadness from a love lost or a life lived he decided to leave Tommy to his private thoughts, just focus on the methodic hands nearing his groin. If it wasn't for the agony running through his nerves this could have been quite an erotic moment, stupid fucking cancer, stupid bloody back, cunting dodgy nerves. He was starting to get fidgety as the pain moved further up and started attacking his back with renewed force. Tommy emerged from his rumination when he felt the thighs beneath his hands starting to flex in agitation, "You ok Alfie? Anywhere you need to me to move to or are you still holding to your vow of silence?" Tommy asked with a quirk of his eyebrow, a smirk gracing his lips but that distance from the moment remained. Tommy was still chasing ghosts. "Vow of silence my arse, just enjoying the moment my sweet." Alfie responded through slightly gritted teeth, doing a poor job of sounding relaxed. "Yeah I would believe you were enjoying it if you didn't look like I had just bitten your cock off. Now tell me where it hurts the most so I can actually help." Tommy said, doing his best not to sound like a disgruntled nurse. "A please would be nice," Alfie ground out while doing his best not to do an impression of a cat running along a hot tin roof. "Oh please Mr. Solomons won't you divulge where it hurts?" Tommy responded, sarcasm lacing his tone. "Well since you asked so nicely Thomas, it's mi fucking back mate," Alfie bit back, wincing and arching off the bed with the pain. "You are the most stubborn man I have ever met. Get onto your stomach so I can get to your back, see if we can relieve some of this pain." Tommy said with exasperation colouring his voice. Alfie for once did as he was told, unceremoniously rolling over onto his front, Tommy proceeded to get up and straddle himself on Alfie's buttocks, placing a delicate kiss on the back of Alfie's neck. "This any more painful for you my love?" He whispered into Alfie's ear, trying to cause some sort of distraction the only way he really knew how that didn't involve outright violence. Alfie felt goosebumps appear where Tommy's breath had stroked his skin, "That is fine sweetie, you comfortable up there? Got me from a very different angle sat on my arse." "More comfortable than you would be if the roles were reversed I am sure, all the extra padding you have." Tommy said, adding levity and maybe just trying to push a few of Alfie's buttons in the process. "Why, how fucking dare you? Insolent dickhead, wounding me like that. I will have you know I cut a fine figure, one of a healthy man is what this is!" Alfie retorted indignantly, if he had been in better shape he would have used said impressive physique to throw Thomas off him, show him just how impeccable of a specimen he is. But for now, he would have to take the hit to his ego, not that it really made a dent. "I'll wait until your back is in a better state before asking you to prove that." Tommy said, bending forward, voice low almost sultry. Before Alfie could respond Tommy began rubbing oil into his back, kneading his way across his lower back in search of the most problematic knot pressing on whichever nerves were responsible for the agony Alfie was in. He could feel the back beneath him singing with pain, Alfies grunts and hisses when he hit a sensitive place helped guide his hands to the worst areas. Once he was done with his lower back he gently rubbed across the large expanse left to go. Letting his hands wander up to trace the shoulder blades, the myriad of knots that must be grating under the boney planes and into his spine alarmed Tommy, how he had functioned at all he would never know. "Right, this next bit is not going to pleasant, I am not going to say sorry because I'm not, but brace yourself." Tommy said, he applied as much pressure as he could to one of the larger knots peaking out from under Alfie's right shoulder blade, this was met with a string of curses and yowls, a couple of death threats, and very loud pleading. Alfie had gripped the pillow underneath his head with brutal force, trying to stop himself from thrashing and throwing the evil sadist torturing him from his position. Tommy held fast throughout, eventually resorting to circling his elbow on the offensive bundle until he felt it give, it had taken all of 5 minutes but for Alfie, it felt like years, the pain had eased some but he felt a little queasy with the after effect. "I did warn you it wasn't going to be pleasant," Tommy placed a kiss on the area he had been terrorising, "got a few more to go but I think that was the biggest one, should be a bit easier for you now." Continuing his assault but with slightly less brutality this time, he managed to cover the right side from Alfie's hairline to below his shoulder blade before taking a small break to stretch, cracking his own knuckles and wrists. He made a mental note to make this a semi-regular occurrence to prevent a build-up like this that would require a lengthy massage. Contrary to what people believe he wasn't much of a sadist, definitely falling more into the masochistic section of that scale, but that is not something he would choose to broadcast. Didn't do well in the business he was in to be throwing that into the mix. While working his way round the left side to assess the damage he found an equally big knot slightly lower than its friend on the right side had been, he huffed under his breath. Deciding to leave that until last he worked on the smaller knots that would have eventually grown and joined together until Alfie's back was just one giant knot. While Tommy had been working on his back, Alfie had been doing his best to think of something to talk about, try to get Tommy to open up a bit, but his brain was foggy with the headache, inwardly cursing his shoddy health. Admittedly though, it was quite nice to feel Tommy's slightly rough hands working on his back. Would have been a fuckload nicer if it wasn't accompanied by spikes of agony but what can you do? He would be happy to take anything he could get as far as contact from Tommy is concerned. At least his anger was under control for once. Usually, when his back is being much of a cunt, he would end up screaming and shouting at anyone who came close to him, even in death he was a cantankerous fucker and long may that continue. Just as his mind started to clear a bit Tommy renewed pressure on a particularly difficult knot. The surprise attack caused Alfie to buck almost completely off the bed, "You little fucker! What the fuck are you doing to me?! Evil little cunt! Get the fuck off me! Have I not been good enough to you over the last couple of days?! What in all of God's green fucking Earth are you playing at?!" Angrily shouting, trying to dislodge Tommy seemed to be his gut reaction but the cunt held on tight, getting him into a headlock with surprising strength that he very clearly should not be capable of in his malnourished state. "Alfie, hold fucking still alright, this is the last bloody one and I didn't warn you because I figured you would just tell me to fuck off and not actually listen to me. So stop fucking fighting like a fucking child and let me finish. It's the last one alright, then it will be over and we can see if you can get out of bed without me needing to catch you." Tommy growled into his ear, grunting with the effort at trying to keep him in place while he continued to thrash about. His face was hot with anger, breaths coming out in angry huffs with knuckles white. Then he caught sight of the bandages wrapped around Tommy's arms, there was fresh blood seeping through. The effect of chucking a bucket of ice-cold water over him wouldn't have cooled him off as quick. He settled down again, feeling guilt nag slightly at the back of his mind, how he had managed to forget about Tommy's fragile state he didn't know. Probably had something to do with him behaving exactly as he always had. He needed to get better at this rather than just acting on impulse. Stubborn as he is, he couldn't find it in himself to apologise, instead just huffed and waved a hand for Tommy to continue. As the hands began their forceful pressure he ground his teeth together until he could feel his molars protesting with the force, all at once the tension melted from him. Brain still slightly blurry but the clouds slowly dissipating with the pain lowering to the regular aches accompanying his age. "Told you that would help, maybe next time you won't have so many and it'll be more pleasant. Like fuck am I gonna let you get into that state when I can prevent it." Tommy said, extricating himself from his seat on Alfie's arse to sit on the bed. “Oh, so this is going to become a regular thing then is it? Thomas Shelby, personal masseuse, wanting to go into the spa business are you Tom?” Alfie asks, smirking at the thought of Tommy having to be talkative to clients, definitely not something he is suited for. Tommy doesn’t deign to give an answer, instead just a withering look and an eyeroll. But there are worse things to be doing right now than listening to Alfie’s jibes. Its nice to have someone to share things with. Even if he isn’t quite there some of the time. Maybe this isn’t so bad. Letting someone in. Maybe he just needs to get used to it.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
With the massage proving successful, Tommy decides it’s time for a cigarette, but his lighter has disappeared again. He gets up off the bed on weak legs, pins and needles prickling up his calves since being sat in that position on Alfie’s arse for so long has his legs asleep. Never, ever letting his back get in that state again… Stupid bloody man. Doing his best not to roll his ankle due to his numb feet he begins wandering round the room looking for the missing lighter. Why is it not where he always leaves it? Bet Alfie moved it, or Frances, or maybe he moved it and can’t remember. His memory is still relatively hazy, nothing like it used to be. Fuck knows where the damn thing has gone, but now he needs to find it before he can fucking smoke and he knows he needs to because his hands are shaking, lungs filling up with dirt, choking on it. Can’t give that away, got to pretend everything is normal, everything is fine. Until its not. His eyes land on the picture of Grace he keeps on the bureau where she used to get ready for her day, where he placed that cursed sapphire round her neck. The search for the lighter floating out of his mind. And just like that there she is, stood next to the bureau, bloodstain growing on the soft peach dress she was wearing the night she died. The sapphire itself was bleeding, ruby droplets dripping onto the floor. Grace held her arms out, open and welcoming, she was calling to him. Asking him why he wouldn't come with her, it would be so easy, so easy to go with her, they could be together, and he could rest. As Tommy hunts for his lighter, Alfie rolls over, tentatively stretching, eying Tommy, actually watching him, trying to discern if this is all an act or if he is, in fact, doing fine. The only thing breaking the act is the shaking hands and the scratching at his upper arms. Alfie watches this for a while, observing him like you would a wild animal. Until it becomes obvious he needs to intervene, the scratching kicking up a notch to leave red marks behind. Then the muttering starts. Nothing loud or too alarming at first, but he could see the look in Tommy's eyes, glassy and empty almost, oceans away from him, the still unlit cigarette hanging from his lips, bobbing dangerously close to falling onto the floor. Plucking his lighter off the bedside table where he left it the night before, he walks up to Tommy, right into his line of sight but Tommy didn't see him, looking straight through him. He couldn't make out exactly what Tommy was saying but this is clearly a conversation, the pauses and responses appearing to make some sort of sense. "Don't you see Tommy, no one wants you around, it would be better if you came with me, won't hurt a bit, it's as easy as taking my hand. Come with me Tommy. You can rest, finally rest. You don't need to keep fighting. This last little step and its all over, no more pain, no more bodies, no more guilt. You can let all this go, let all the blood and the dirt out of you. Come with me, Tommy." Grace said softly, gentle voice beckoning him, with an offer so tantalising it was impossibly hard to turn down, frozen with the weight of the internal battle raging on. It was just him and Grace in this world, dreamlike yet so unbelievably real. She continued in much the same vein as she had for as long as he could remember. The happy memories of his Grace, the real Grace no longer existed, or if they did he wasn't able to find them. Not anymore. She was all he had, this version of her. He wanted so desperately to go with her but his feet were sunk deep into the mud, he could feel it swallowing him slowly, roots twisting round his arms to hold him in place no matter how much he clawed, scratched, and tore to free himself it made no difference. It never did. When Grace's voice rose, echoing through his skull he crushed his hands over his hears but the roots pulled them down, wouldn't let him hide from the voice, the words plucking at his resolve until he was muttering, 'no', over and over again. His mind was screaming but if he opened his mouth he would choke on all the mud, it would consume him, he would drown in it again. When Alfie started to recognise the word 'No' being muttered louder and louder he made the executive decision to grab Tommy's thin wrists just as they were about to clamp over his ears or scratch at his scalp. Being careful not to squeeze too hard but just enough to try and break into whatever trance Tommy has entered. When Tommy started fighting him albeit weakly, he pulled him into a tight hug, holding his head against his own bare chest, Tommy kept fighting as if his life depends on it, still muttering to whoever had popped up to have a natter, getting increasingly tense. Alfie didn't know what to do, he was completely lost and when the shaking worsened his worry increased to a new level. Running through his rolodex of interactions over the last few days he settled on moving to the bathroom, the warm water might help ground him some, possibly help with the tension and shakes too. His mind made up, Alfie began the slow process of grabbing some underwear for himself since he didn't fancy wandering around buck-arse nude. He didn't want to let go of Tommy though, worried that he would just continue to scratch himself bloody. Thinking quickly he grabbed his oversized shirt from the dresser, it didn't even register that someone must have put it there after cleaning it, dressing Tommy as best he could, trying to avoid the flailing limbs. The sight of him dressed in Alfie's clothes made his heart clench in his chest. Right at that moment, Tommy looked so small and lost, too thin legs with knobbly knees sporting bruises from God knows where. Probably from collapsing on the floor a few nights ago. Alfie quickly threw on the undergarments, ignoring the fact that he really shouldn't be attempting this, scooping Tommy up bridal style and carrying him through to the bathroom. His back and knees uttered slight protests but nothing compared to their usual screams of agony, Tommy weighed so little that it added another layer of concern to the mounting worry. Eyebrows drawn down in a frown that could be interpreted as anger but was borne of blind worry for the damaged goods he held close to his chest. He daren't try speaking just in case Tommy began fighting him, he wouldn't be able to keep hold of him then. The entire event happened in 20 minutes but it felt like an eternity. The floor fell out from under him, he was held in place by roots strong and binding. He couldn't fight anymore, he floated there in the sea of blood-soaked mud until he choked on it, Grace's voice echoing in his ears. He could rest, finally, rest. All he had to do was let go. Tommy went limp in his arms, for Alfie, this was too similar to carrying a corpse, a horrible wave of nausea and panic came over him as he opened the bathroom door with his elbow, doing his best to support Tommy's head and not thunk it against the door frame. Once inside the bathroom he gently laid Tommy's body in the tub noticing the breaths stuttering out of rhythm as if he was drowning. He grabbed some towels to make the ground softer so if Tommy did start coming round he wouldn't hurt himself too much if he panicked. Plenty of towels at least which was a relief, even if the whiteness was bound to be ruined by the small drops of blood welling from the new self-inflicted scratches on Tommy's upper arms. Almost swept out to sea by the wave of guilt and fear that washed over him, Alfie checked for a pulse, the pulse hammering like a machine gun. Whatever was happening in Tommy's head clearly wasn't pleasant and he needed to be gently guided back to the real world. With the towels laid out he gently lifted Tommy from the deep tub, placing him down so carefully, as if he were porcelain. His fear and panic trumping his anger he slowly turned away to start the bath running, adding some of that lavender soap to try and get something going to bring Tommy round. This catatonic state was far more concerning than the panicked animal he had found on their initial reunion. At least with that, he had an idea of what to do. With this, he was just stumbling round in the dark looking for the right fuse that had come loose. The lavender-scented steam filling the bathroom helped calm his nerves slightly but Tommy seemed to have no reaction. He just laid there, breathing rapidly, eyes staring listlessly at nothing. He sat behind him to remove the shirt. He would have had more co-operation from a ragdoll but he managed to wrangle it off, leaving Tommy dressed only in his pants. The pants stayed on, he didn't want it to seem like he was taking advantage and it just felt wrong somehow. Oh yeah, it felt wrong alright because Tommy wasn't here and couldn't object. Alfie may be a bad man but he was not THAT kind of bad. With Tommy in his arms again and the bath run to a suitable temperature he got in behind him. Mirroring the exact position they had been in only days before when Tommy had an episode. This was so much worse, he would take the kicking and screaming over this empty shell any day. Like bathing with a dead person. Whilst Tommy was so out of it he unravelled the bandages to check if the stitches were still in place or if they had torn. He seemed so delicate in his arms, like bathing with a priceless china statue. The stitches were thankfully holding together. Not much patching up would be needed this time, well at least not physical patching. Tommy was floating in the sea of mud and blood, he couldn’t see Grace anymore but he could hear cruel laughter, John’s lifeless face appearing in the turmoil blood smeared, skin waxy and grey, eyes clouded with death. He could smell the decay churning in the earth. He wanted to gag but he couldn’t, he was full of death, soulless and abandoned. Stuck forever in this limbo, cursed to suffocate for eternity. You reap what you sow, and all that Tommy touches rots until its there, waiting to swallow him up. All that guilt, all that rot, all those bodies, they were here now. Floating in this ocean of misery he created. He couldn’t tell which was up or down anymore. There was no up or down, just this. Grace had lied to him. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to be back with Alfie. What does Alfie look like? Maybe if he could just remember that then he could break the surface. Just a sliver of his voice. Anything to remind him, anything to bring him back. As Alfie laid there with Tommy’s body his worry was mounting, but talking to him seemed to work last time, “Hey Tom, don’t know if you can hear any of this but right now we are in the bath, that unnecessarily large tub you thought you needed. No one needs a bath this big. Think even the Greeks had smaller baths and they were some fuckers who loved a bath. Got the lavender stuff in here with us too. Did you know too much lavender wakes you up? Yeah, neat little fucking fact that one. For me, nothing more relaxing than the smell of the ocean, that would knock any fucker out. Well maybe not any fucker but it’s a damn sight nicer than a blow to the head don’t you think. We have probably taken more blows to the head than is normal for most. You remember our first meeting? You walked in so cock sure of yourself. Pumped up little cunt, you were. Ollie could have shaken your teeth loose if he wanted to, but you just stood there with that little smirk on your face. Billy big bollocks. Like you already knew what was gonna happen. But then I guess you did. Knew far more than you should. Glad I didn’t shoot you, would have been messy that. I wasn’t lying about the cabinet either, love that thing. Reckon you could come back to me soon love? Starting to get fucking unnerving this corpse impression. Stopped being funny about half an hour ago. Don’t have to say anything just, blink or squeeze my hand. Fucking anything will do love.” All this was whispered into Tommy’s hair, lips brushing with every word. Alfie doesn’t know when the tears started but he knows why, he can see his future, holding Tommy’s corpse and weeping, begging for him to come back. Just one more word, one more breath. Fucking anything.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Tommy lays comatose in Alfie’s arms being rocked gently in the warm water surrounding them his mind buried deep beneath the earth, held by strong roots, bound to those lying dead around him. All awareness of reality washing away in sea of bloody rain filtering through the sediment, staining his soul with sin. Though Tommy has never been a God-fearing man the wrath of God has not forgotten, just as he has not forgotten. It would have been easier if he could forget, forget and move on with his life. But they were always there, fingers clawing at his back, catching his shirt, pulling him away from the future he so desperately fought for. There would never be an escape from this. No turning back the clock, nor any ability to expunge the bitter memories, wipe his memory clean of all that blood. Short moments of clarity came and went but there has not been peace, not really. That constant fighting, the internal struggle raging on for what felt like an age, leaving him bereft of happiness. Alone on an island, all the bridges burnt, boats destroyed, no way to call for help, and no one willing to lend a hand for fear of being bitten. All he had ever wanted was love and acceptance but the ability to return that love and acceptance had been removed with brutish force, be it the war or from his loved ones being ripped so cruelly from his grasp. That tight hold on those around him had never served him well but he was unable to let go, that fear had him in a chokehold he would never be able to wriggle out of. He could feel the root winding around his neck, wringing the life from him, the air cutting off slowly as the noose tightened. He may have given up but no one fucking kills Thomas Shelby but Thomas Shelby. In a desperate attempt at survival, he began clawing at his neck, breath quickening as strong bindings caught hold of his scrabbling hands. Did they not understand he couldn’t breathe, he needed to get that thing off of his neck. The sweet taste of oxygen becoming long forgotten, the pressure building in his head, eyes bulging. Then suddenly his arms were free, the roots gone. But he still couldn’t move. Curling in on himself he could hear his pulse hammering, some heat surrounding him where he felt so chilled to his core, now warm, the cold damp of the soil chased away by water, clean and tepid. He didn’t want to open his eyes, terrified that he would find himself blinded by the clods of dirt, shutting it out as best he could he squeezed them shut as tight as he was able. Alfie could feel the stirring of the body in his arms, pulling the tearing hands away from clawing at Tommy’s slender neck. The movements began again in a flurry of limbs, doing his best to prevent any more damage he held him close, hand under his chin and on his forehead. A move so similar to that used to snap someone’s neck. A hold he hoped he would never have to do again. This time it was to help rather than hurt, his old hands wanting to squeeze just a bit tighter, acting on muscle memory almost. Those old reflexes he feared would never be gone completely but he could keep them in check, keep that control, even when his head descended into the red mist, poisoned thoughts coming with a sea of fury so violent it burned all rational thought away. Right now, he couldn’t let that overcome him, he needed to stay right in the moment. No fucking running, no chasing that fucking rabbit again. Thinking of rabbits, Alfie was brought back to the one he had caught in the snare. Tommy shaking with tension, eyes closed tight, jaw clenched and teeth grinding so much they could very well be ground to dust. He can’t remember ever seeing someone in so much internalised pain. God knows how much he wanted to reach in there and rearrange all of Tommy’s mental furniture, pull out all the sharp, broken pieces. Open the curtains, unlock the windows, and let the light fight it out with the dark. But he couldn’t. All he could do was hold Tommy through it and pray for him. Pray for his blue-eyed boy. He began singing a soft lullaby his mother had sung to him when he was but a child, it always calmed him and the melody he remembered even if the words sometimes failed. He was in need of comfort just as much as the body in his arms. Tommy heard a soft melody floating into his awareness, it was far away but he wanted to reach out, find the source. He didn’t recognise the tune, having no memory of it confused him. Everything he heard in his mind came from events he had experienced or his subconscious, logically he knows this. He begins to reach for those notes, that lullaby. Digging through the muck towards the source, a scant glimmer of hope among the quagmire of hatred. Pulling and heaving himself through a seemingly endless pit of filth. The humming was getting louder, not by much but enough, enough to fan the flames of his conscious mind. Enough for a smatter of light to enter, all he needed to do was open his eyes now. Take in the view, breathe the air as his head breached the surface. Alfie kept his grasp on Tommy’s forehead but moved the hand from around his neck to his waist, pulling him as close as he could while he continued thrashing with his arms. Water splashing everywhere. He was going to have a hard time explaining this to Frances but he guessed she probably wouldn’t be overly concerned as long as he stuck around to help with whatever version of Tommy appeared after this. If one did. He just continued the same gentle humming while trying to keep his grip firm but not constricting. The tossing started slowing and finally Tommy took a huge shuddering breath. As if he had been held under water for a long period. He stopped struggling but tried to launch himself into a seated position, nearly dragging a surprised Alfie forwards with the sudden change. His eyes flew open with a loud shout, panting as a horse would after a sprint finish. “S’alright Tom, I’ve got ya, Alfie’s got ya. You’re safe, all safe. Nothing here to hurt ya. No one here but me and you ‘right.” Alfie muttered into his hair, trying to get him into a relaxed position. Tommy’s chest was still heaving but he didn’t struggle against him anymore, he allowed Alfie to pull him against his chest. Eyes bright with unshed tears, he wasn’t far away anymore. He was in the present. Aflie was here. In the bath. Arms wrapped tightly around him. Holding him close. He wanted to curl into that embrace, to fall to pieces and be safe. But he couldn’t, he can’t let go. If he lets the dam burst now he won’t ever be able to put it back again. His throat thick with all the emotions swirling inside him, clamouring to get out. To be released. He had held it in for so long, well when he was in the drivers’ seat so to speak. Never consciously allowing the river to overflow. If it did, then it was real. He didn’t think he would be able to handle that. Even as the war struck on the dam burst with one final creak, the blast echoed in the sobs wracking his small frame. Curled in on himself, clutching at Alfie’s shoulders as if that was the only solid outcrop to hold onto while the storm of feelings roared about him. Washing away all that acrid silt, almost pulling Tommy under again, but the arms held fast around him. Rubbing his back and murmuring in his ear. He couldn’t hear what was being said only that something was. The roaring of the sadness ringing in his ears. Drowning out all coherent thought. Just gut-wrenching despair for all that he lost, all that was taken from him. Weeping for his innocence so cruelly carved out. He sobbed until his body ached, water now cold around him but Alfie’s presence strong, heartbeat steady, body warm and inviting. Such a contrast to the bleak midwinter he had been buried in for so long. Ever so slowly Tommy’s crying began to ebb into shaking breaths and whimpers, the hoarseness of his throat evident in the rasping out breaths. Alfie kept his lips against the side of Tommy’s neck, whilst the sadness had been leaking out of him, Alfie had felt tears trickling down his cheeks, moistening his beard while the despair seeped into his bones through his skin. A feeling akin to cold smog clinging to his skin, reminding him of the cold nights walking by the Thames, that cold that you just couldn’t escape. ‘Tommy, love, I think it's about time we got out of this cold water. It won’t be doing you any good and I feel stiff as a fuckin’ board.’ Alfie softly uttered close to Tommy’s ear, doing his best not to frighten him. Tommy nodded against his chest, an almost imperceptible movement but Alfie caught it. That was enough to get him moving them both out of the bath. He gently manoeuvered himself out from under Tommy first, wrapping a towel around his waist before cradling Tommy against him. It would have been a problem had it not been for the fact that Tommy was essentially just a skeleton wrapped in delicate skin. Needs to keep an eye on the eating, maybe get him out of this house, a proper holiday. Not a holiday without a beach in Alfie’s humble opinion. ‘You with me darlin’? Just a nod will do, reckon your voice is going to be wrecked for a little while.’ Alfie questioned softly, Tommy wrapped in a towel and shivering against his chest. Another small nod, face burying even closer into his chest. ‘Good, now what we are going to do is get you into something warm, doubt you own any jumpers but you can borrow my shirt, bit less effort getting you into that than a full 3 piece suit. Then back into bed we go, I will call Frances for plenty of tea and maybe we can get you a bit of soup…’ Alfie abruptly stopped when Tommy started shaking his head a bit too vigorously at the mention of food, ‘Careful there love, don’t want to drop you, shush my dear, its ok. No food for now, but you better be sure I am making sure you at least drink some tea. Good for your soul that stuff, properly brewed cup o’ Char is something we could both use. Cold water is made for ducks and geese and I for one do not fancy myself a feathery web-footed villainous cunt of a being. Well maybe a villainous cunt, but no webbing or feathers on me mate.’ Entering the bedroom, Alfie saw his own clothes laid out on the dresser and a couple of bigger shirts, must have been John’s from before. Seeing no sense in putting Tommy in his dead brother’s gear, Alfie opted for the clothes that weren’t his. Placing Tommy gently on the bed he discovered Tommy had no intention of unburrowing himself from his chest. After a little coaxing and promises to be back quickly, Alfie dressed in a still slightly too tight shirt then began the slow process of clothing Tommy. No easy thing when the person you are trying to dress is all heavy limbs, tense muscles and stiff joints, but he managed it. The worst part for him was changing Tommy out of the freezing cold and soaked boxers he had left on for the bath incident. But staying methodical he got the job done, if his cheeks were slightly reddened there was no one to call attention to it, thank God. With that done, he got Tommy under the covers and managed to squeeze himself in between the shivering body and the headboard, leaving Tommy sat between his legs, head resting against his chest. This position allowed the skin contact Tommy appeared to need, as well as giving Alfie easy access to changing the bandages and inspecting the cuts that had reopened on Tommy’s arms. Whoever made the decisions on white sheets for the bed clearly loved cleaning up blood stains he thought to himself whilst examining the state of the bandages holding Tommy’s patchwork arms together. Frankenstein’s Monster didn’t have this many slashes. Made a right mess of himself, he has. ‘C’mon love, let's get them bandages changed, need to get a good look at my handiwork too. Make sure nothing has been torn.’ He said in hushed tones. Tommy placed his arms above the duvet, tucking his chin against his chest with his eyes shut, unable to witness the mess he had made. This damage he would carry with him always. But it’s not often anyone saw him without a shirt on so that was at least one tiny modicum of comfort he could glean from the entire mental collapse. ‘Alright love, thank you for that. Now I am just going to unravel these bandages and we can see what needs doing. Only trying to avoid infection is all sweetie.’ Alfie said, voice strong and steady. He began the process of unravelling the bandages as if he was holding a baby bird. Gentle and slow, but when it was done he could see that the wounds needed cleaning again, the stitches looked irritated but none had torn, thanking his God, Alfie then grabbed the little bell on the side table to call for Frances. No more than 5 minutes later Frances appeared with tea, cigarettes (always the pack of cigarettes), lighter and more importantly, fresh gauze and ointment. Either Frances was psychic or just an incredibly talented maid, maybe both. She entered quietly, features softer than Alfie had seen on her and placed the tray on the side of the bed. She even sat on the bed and stroked Tommy’s hair, looking into Alfie’s eyes she said all that she needed to. As quietly as she arrived, she left through the door, holding a small smile in place. As she walked past the bathroom she realised it was once again an utter state, water splashed everywhere, tinged with blood. Not surprising though considering the state of the old bandages Alfie had removed. Getting to work she picked up the towels and fetched the mop from the cupboard just across the hall. As smart as she was, Frances had to thank the previous maid for sorting out a cleaning cupboard across from the bathroom. While she was mopping and cleaning and scrubbing for the third time she began humming. That little seed of hope blossoming slightly. No one could ever call her soft but there was just something about seeing someone in such emotional pain actually being cared for that inspired some faith in humanity that she didn’t realise she still had. Thank goodness for the wandering Jew and all his brashness.