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The sound of chirping, leaves brushing against each other, and the little snores coming out of his best friend’s mouth echoed throughout Jeno’s eardrums. The sun was bright and they needed some distressing before cramming for college entrance exams, thank god the park wasn’t crowded today. Days would come where Jaemin would rather sleep than listen to a lecture he already studied for, and today was one of them. Going to a village park like this was a blessing for graduating honor students, Jaemin and Jeno. Although skipping classes weren’t new to them since they’re friends with trouble maker, Donghyuck, the adrenaline they feel felt like something new every time. Jaemin, specially, savored every moment like this, and his best friend didn’t mind accompanying him since he needed days like this too. Just him and his friend, talking and joking around, napping for most of the time. Jaemin is laying on his back, his head on Jeno’s lap as the latter twirls strands of hair from Jaemin’s head around his fingers. It was very relaxing, just the two enjoying the breeze under the protection of a tree, the younger dozing off while the older opted to read a book. Jeno tried focusing on the addictive book, but to his dismay, the boy he’s with was too breathtaking not to focus on. He removed his earphones and put down the book on the spiky grass. His head slowly leaning forward to the side to fully see his best friend’s face with mouth slightly agape. He stared in adoration, his hand ghosting above jaemin’s face, but his eyes had this melancholic look to it. He smiled in realization. That he can’t, that he shouldn’t fall in love with his best friend, even if it killed him. He felt like these feelings will either be reciprocated, or be the cause of their friendship’s end. Specially now that he knows Jaemin was going to the States for University. He continued what he was doing until jaemin spoke. “what are you doing” he teased, his left eye slightly opened to look at the other. Jeno cleared his throat “uh…there was a spider on your face” and moved his right hand away from jaemin. Jaemin pushed the thought aside and closed his eyes, getting it used to the brightness of the sun. After ten seconds of just breathing in and out fresh air, he slowly opened his eyes and stared at the cloud filled sky. “Jeno look! That cloud is formed like a dog!” jaemin said enthusiastically, pointing at the sky and beaming at his best friend. Jeno followed the hand pointing at the cloud, just to oppose what the younger said. “that’s definitely a cat, not a dog.” Jaemin gave him a scandalized look. He explained that the dog was just looking up and had his paws outstretched but Jeno didn’t pay him any attention and stuck to reading his book. Jaemin abruptly took the book away from Jeno, tossing it beside his feet. “Give me attention will you?” he pouted. Jeno sighed, he could never resist a pouty Jaemin but the chance to make him riled up thrilled him. “it’s still a cat for me”, Jeno sneered. Jaemin looked like a kid pouting because of being deprived from sweets. He looked really cute. Jeno thought. Jaemin laid back down, his head now placed on the grass instead of Jeno’s lap. He placed both his hands under his head for support, blowing his bangs away from his sight. Jeno laid down next to him, his right hand on his chest, while the other was beside him, just a few centimeters away from Jaemin. They were uncomfortable with the grass poking through their uniform. The leaves were dancing along with the wind, and a small flower graciously fell and landed on Jaemin’s chest. He picked it up. It was a pretty flower, a bit brownish but pretty nonetheless. Laying in the grass with Jaemin is one of the simple pleasures Jeno loves most in life. No touching between their skin, but instead only plays with his hair. He pretends that the tickling of the grass was actually the other’s fingers. That the leaf shielding him from the sun was actually his hand. He could only imagine holding Jaemin’s hand was like. How holding him was like. Cause he knew something more would be impossible. He knew that if he lets his fingers trail down Jaemin’s face, his thumb caressing the other’s cheek, it would be too much. They were just friends after all. “Just friends” Jeno reminded himself mentally. “Just friends” he repeated, now less than a whisper. He had to remind himself not to let his true feelings show. He would never risk being awkward with Jaemin and potentially ruining their friendship. Plus, Jaemin was already head over hills for someone. So every time Jaemin becomes his touchy self, Jeno had to distance himself without making Jaemin know that he was. And would only inch closer when the younger wasn’t looking…just like now. Jaemin was dozing off once again and Jeno used it as a perfect time to continue what he was doing prior, just simply staring at Na Jaemin, the top student, the one and only soulmate of lee jeno…well at least that’s what the internet test says. The sound of leaves brushing against each other ringed through Jaemin’s eardrums as a strong wind came by. Jaemin sat up and looked at more falling flowers above their head. His smile was wider and showed his perfect teeth. His arm was outstretched, palm facing up to let one flower fall on it and blowing it away after. Jeno just stared. All he could do was stare anyways. If he could, he would cup Jaemin’s cheek and pull the latter’s waist closer to him to lean for a kiss. The setting was perfect already. They were at a park with only them to enjoy, flowers falling from above, Jaemin looking as ethereal as ever. But Jeno just stared. Stupid, just stared. “isn’t it beautiful?” jaemin said smiling at him. “yes…” jeno was still occupied with his own thoughts that he didn’t realize the younger was already up and offering his hand for jeno to take as support. “c’mon…we don’t have much time left before the plane leaves me” “nana, you have...336 hours more” Jeno took only 3 seconds to compute the remaining hours. Or was he keeping count the whole time? 333 hours passed and Jaemin was at the airport, bidding goodbye to his best friend. A silent one. They just looked at each other with sad eyes and fake smiles, hoping the other can read the cries of their heart. They surely will miss each other. “this is it I guess…” Jaemin sniffled, trying not to let more tears escape. “I’ll miss you” Jeno confessed. The two just stood there, still refusing to let their skin touch. But their glossy eyes spoke their words untold. So Jaemin dragged his suit case to check in, waving at his best friend before turning his back. But then he heard loud footsteps coming his way and he prayed it wasn’t from Jeno, ‘cause he knew he wouldn’t handle it. So he paused, listening to the footsteps get louder and louder each second, and closed his eyes. He waited. Until Jeno’s arms were finally gripped tightly around his waist. He felt his knees giving up on him. He felt his heart exploding. His whole body collapsing. Jeno didn’t say a word, instead, he let his actions do the talking. Jaemin turned around and cupped Jeno’s face and gave his hair a small kiss. “I’ll be home before you know it” and to that, they both smiled, and Jaemin left for real. As Jeno took a final glimpse of his beloved, he accepted the fact that he wanted more with Jaemin. He wanted to kiss him so badly. Jeno had never wanted anything more acutely in his life. In their final moments, he could tell Jaemin wanted it too. The way his head was resting on Jeno’s shoulder as his hug got tighter, the glossiness of his eyes, the unsteady ebb and flow of his breath, his heart beating like crazy, his gaze fixed on jeno. As tough he was trying to memorize his face, trying to remember every detail about him in hopes to keep him in his memory to keen perfection. Jeno was too focused on taking deep breaths that he didn’t realize how close their bodies were. He wanted to be close to him like that for so long and it sucks that he only had it now. The feeling was too different to be put into words, like as if he had been made just for that moment alone. But reality hit him once again. Wanting more could have consequences. He could never risk their friendship.
I saw the look in your eyes and I hope I read it correctly. I felt your heartbeat and I knew we were in sync. We were full of what ifs and now we regret. I should’ve kissed you, told you how I feel. But I could never. And you made it clear…that were. Just. Friends.