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One Shot #1 They’re a bit… Eccentric
Reven closes her phone with a sigh.
This will be interesting
, she thinks. But first, it’s time for the hard part. Telling the Task Force.
She hesitantly walks to the front of the room and calls the normal group of people together, “I have some news. You will be joined by another secret Task Force that is based in New York City. They will be here to help you solve cases more efficiently. They're a bit… eccentric, but I think they will be a good fit for this group.”
“Oh, great,” Reddington says, “I prefer only working with eccentric people!”
Dembe shoots him a dirty look, but says nothing.
“I bet these guys'll be weirdos,” Ressler whispers to Liz.
“Ditto,” she replies.
“I for one, think that’ll be a nice change around here! You guys need to lighten up. Talking to you Ressler! And don’t think that I don’t see you over there, Navabi!” Harold says, clapping his hands once.
Ressler and Navabi exchange a look, and Liz and Aram snicker.
Reven sighs again as the elevator doors start to open.
“It looks like they're here,” she mutters, and proceeds to disappear into Harold’s office.
“Hey guys! Sorry we’re late!” exclaims a loud voice.
The group turns in unison to see a group of six mismatched individuals walking in from the elevator, looking around in mild wonder at the high tech computers and weapons proudly displayed on almost every open surface.
“You know, looking at that elevator thing from the outside, I had my doubts about it holding all of us at once. But look, here we are! Hey, what's this?!” A guy with brown hair and an annoying countenance says.
He starts tapping at one of Aram’s computers, to which Aram snaps, “Don't touch that!... Please!”
“Okay, chill, I was just looking!” He says, putting his hands up in mock-surrender.
Suddenly, Harold and Naz make eye contact and practically shout, “You!” simultaneously.
“Do you guys have a history or something?” Liz remarks.
“No!” Naz and Harold protest, again simultaneously. They exchange glares, and then look away from each other.
“Well, this has been wonderful, but before we proceed any further with this conversation, I think you should explain to everyone else who you are, and what you’re doing here. It’s quite the story, I’ll have you know.” Reddington comments.
“Wait… What do you mean everyone else? How do you know who we are?” A woman with a sleek ponytail and serious expression asks.
“Oh, I just did some light reading on all of you. I wanted to know who I would be dealing with, and all that. I’m sure you don’t mind, Rebecca, dear.”
Rebecca, looking slightly creeped out, responds, “Well, I know who you are too, Raymond Reddington, and I will
not
work with a criminal of your standing.”
“Wait, no fair!” Brian protests, “We caught everyone on the F.B.I.’s Top Ten Most Wanted List! How did we miss you?”
“You do realize that they update that, right?” Naz and Harold say, again at the same time. They exchange sullen glances, but neither brings up why they hate each other so much.
“Ah, Brian Finch. So much smarter than you let on. Some of the time, at least.” Reddington says, giving him an all-too-knowing look.
Brian scowls, and two men, presumably bodyguards step in front of him.
“Was that a threat?” The taller, black one says.
“Yeah! Was it?” The smaller one echoes.
“Because I’m afraid that I can’t allow you any closer if it was,” the first one continues, completely ignoring the second one.
Reddington steps forward and laughs, “No, no, no, you misunderstand me, Darrell! I'm just making conversation!”
“Yeah, Mike, it's okay dude. Just relax for once. Be more like Ike!” Brian chimes in.
Darrell/Mike glares at Reddington, but doesn't say anything else. Ike grins as Navabi comes forward and says, “Okay, let's just get the actual introductions out of the way so we can start doing something more productive than arguing. My name is Special Agent Samar Navabi, and these are Special Agents Donald Ressler, Elizabeth Keen, Aram Mojtabai, and our Director Harold Cooper. And I'm sure you all know Raymond Reddington, this is his… Friend Dembe.”
“My kinda girl,” another Agent guy says, waggling his eyebrows at Navabi. Aram just glowers as Navabi exchanges the look.
“Anyways, I’m Special Agent in Charge Nasreen Pouran. These are Special Agents Rebecca Harris and Spelman Boyle. This is our Consultant, Brian Finch, and his bodyguards, Darrell and Jason.”
“Hang on! I’ve got one thing to add. These-” he says, pointing at Darrell and Jason, “are Mike and Ike. You will always address them as Mike and Ike. Don’t worry, they’ll respond to it.” Brian declares.
The conversation continues, and Reven Wright comes down from the office.
“Wow… This is going better than I thought it would,” she says to herself.
“It is indeed,” Reddington says in reply to her, “But one thing’s for sure; you were right when you said that they’re an eccentric bunch.”
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One Shot #2 Mutant Powers!It all started off as a normal day at the task force. Everyone showed up on time (for once) and went about their daily lives. All seemed quiet until Ressler suddenly caught on fire.“Oh my fucking God, I'm fucking on fire! What the fuck is going on and why isn't anyone helping me?!?!” Ressler shouts. Harold looks visibly offended, but keeps his cool as he tries to help douse the flames with his cold coffee.“What the fuck Harold, now my fucking shirt will have a fucking stain!!!” Ressler continues to shout.Boyle comes in and says, “What is all this abo- holy shit Ressler's on fire!” As soon as the words leave his mouth, an icy blast fills the room and Ressler is no longer on fire. He is also unharmed for some reason…“Boyle! Man, you’ve been holding out on me! That’s awesome! Or should I say, cool!” exclaims Brian, laughing hysterically.“Uh… Where did you come from?” Harold asks.“I teleported,” Brian says, as if he's always been able to do this, “Oh, and it's not a side effect of NZT this time,” he adds.“What a relief,” Boyle remarks, as they all exit the office.But, as soon as they see the rest of the combined task forces they stop short; everyone is freaking out and exhibiting weird symptoms. Except, of course, for Reddington, who is standing in the middle of the chaos, smirking. Dembe is beside him, looking like he’s trying not to laugh… or cry. With Dembe, it’s always hard to tell.Liz is going between visible and invisible, Navabi is switching weapons without picking anything up or putting anything down, someone (presumably Aram) is shape shifting between various task force members, Rebecca is flinging stuff around the room apparently with her mind, Naz is just kinda lying on the ground (everyone is too caught up with their own dilemmas to care), Mike holds up his hands to block a desk that Rebecca flings and ends up catching it, and Ike is in a dark corner hiding from the chaos and glowing faintly.“REDDINGTON! What did you do??!!” Liz shouts at him.Reddington laughs quietly, and shakes his head, “I didn’t do anything. Not this time, at least,” he says, a mocking smirk on his face.“Alright, that's all I can handle, this is too weird, even for me. I'm out,” Brian says and flashes a peace sign before leaving in a cloud of rainbow smoke.Suddenly, Mike accidentally puts down the desk very heavily onto Naz’s prone form.Harold shouts, “Mike, what the heck!” And runs over to Naz. He touches her shoulder comfortingly, and suddenly she wakes up, all trace of any wound gone.“What happened?” She asks, “All of a sudden I was like a spirit and I could see all of you… It was really weird… And then I saw a desk landing on my body, and I was about to sing my swan song, when you helped me, Cooper. By the way Mike, you're fired.”“NO!” shouts Ike, leaving the safety of the corner to stand between Mike and Naz, “If you do, I’ll be all alone with Finch!”Just then, Brian reappears, holding a basket of shawarma, “Oh, hey guys!” he says, taking a bite, “did you miss me? Hey, Mike, Ike, I got you guys something!” he holds out two packages of Mike&Ikes ™ , “Come on, don’t leave me hanging! You like them, don’t you?”“No… please, no more!” Mike and Ike say simultaneously.“Okay, fine, I guess I’ll just give them to… Dembe!” Brian says, striding over to Dembe. He then shoves the offending candy into Dembe’s front shirt pocket. “There you go, buddy! Knock yourself out!” he exclaims cheerfully, clapping Dembe on the shoulder.Dembe narrows his eyes ever so slightly and responds, “How about I knock you out instead?”Brian laughs, but if one looks very closely they can see the fear in his eyes. He then teleports away from Dembe to the other side of the room.“I think it’s time I explained things,” Reddington says, giving the other people in the room an appraising look, as if seeing whether or not they’re worthy of the information he’s about to divulge.“Finally!” exclaims Aram, who seems to be able to stay himself once again. In fact, everyone seems to have regained most of their composure, except for Ike who is still glowing. Reddington glances over at Aram, and he takes a slight step back, saying, “Oh, uh, sorry Mr. Reddington!”“I hope that you're all familiar with the term ‘mutant’,” Reddington says, “Because that is what has happened. We all have powers now; well, Dembe and I have had some for quite some time, after an unfortunate incident with a hairdryer and one too many frozen meals. That's what they don't tell you about life on the road, you end up eating a lot of microwave dinners, and in some cases a hairdryer is best for heating them up.”Dembe nods in assent.“So what you’re saying is that this happened to all of us because we ate one too many microwaved dinners?” Rebecca asks, narrowing her eyes at Reddington and frowning slightly.“Did I imply that?” Reddington asks and looks around a little bit, “Of course not, you all just have the genetics for it. I am so sorry if I led you astray in any way Rebecca.”“So, is there anything else you want to tell us?” Liz asks.“Ditto,” says Ressler, sighing slightly.“Ah yes, I almost forgot! My power is that I can read minds while Dembe here has invulnerability,” Reddington says, “Other than that, you don't need to know anything else at the moment.”“That explains so much and yet so little,” Aram comments.Suddenly, Tom bursts through the door and says to Reddington, “I knew you would be here, my power was right! What did you do to me?!”Reddington sighs, “You know what, Tom, I just finished explaining that, and if you had gotten here 5 minutes earlier with your little ‘power’ then I wouldn't have to repeat myself! And I hate repeating myself.”“It’s just genetics, Tom.” says Ressler, “And as there isn’t another explanation, could you leave now?”Tom turns to Liz, completely ignoring him, “Liz! It’s not too late! I have a boat! We can escape all of this, even Reddington! I can see the future, and you can… do whatever, that doesn’t matter right now! Let’s go! I love you!”Liz just stares at him, “Uh… I can't make any decisions now, especially since I need to discover why I have these genetics. My mother was a KGB spy, you know.”Everyone sighs and collectively says, “Yes, Liz, we know. We know.”“Well, look on the bright side,” Brian says suddenly, “At least none of our powers are as lame as how Ike glows in the dark!”“Ditto,” says the entire group, except for Ike, who stands there, looking sort of left out.
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One Shot #3 Reddington’s New Friend*Liz’s P.O.V.* I put on my coat and I’m about to leave, when suddenly the door flies open. Typical. “Tom?! What are you doing here?” I ask, unsure if I really want to know, “And how did you get in here?” “I still have a key. You didn’t change the locks,” he says and smirks, “But to answer your first question, I was wondering if you wanted to do something with me…?” “Yeah… no… I actually have plans tonight,” I say, “I’m going to a dinner party with some friends.” “Oh,” he sighs, looking crestfallen, “well, a dinner party’s great too! Am I invited?” I hesitantly smile, “Uh… I don’t know, Tom…” He looks at me sadly, so I sigh and give in, “Fine, I guess you can come… Be on your best behavior.” “Yay! Of course Liz, when am I not?” Tom responds. “I don’t think that you actually want me to respond to that,” I reply, narrowing my eyes at him slightly. So, the two of us leave for a fancy restaurant in the heart of D.C. The cab ride is a little awkward, but eventually we reach our destination. “Wait here,” I say to Tom as we reach the entrance, “I need to prepare everyone for your being here.” He does as I ask (for once), and so I walk inside. Reddington bought out the entire restaurant for the evening, so it’s just the combined task forces there when I walk in. “Lizzie!” Reddington says as he sees me. “Hello,” I greet everyone, “Just so you all know, I brought a… guest with me...” Reddington’s face immediately becomes serious. He says in an all-too-knowing voice, “Does their name happen to start with a ‘T-’ and end with an ‘-om’?” “Maybe…” I squeak. A collective groan arises from my half of the force as Tom comes jauntily strolling in. “Hey everybody! How’s it going? Have I told you about my boat?” he exclaims. “You mean a literal boat, right? Like the kind that you go sailing in, right?” asks Brian, snickering to himself. Rebecca, Naz, and Harold glare at him, but none of them say anything to the contrary. “No, I bought a plastic model to play with in the bathtub. Of course it’s a real boat,” Tom sneers in return. This just causes Brian to laugh harder. “Same, man!” he says. With a very displeased look on his face, Reddington sits down and says, “Let’s order.” A waiter comes around and takes everyone’s order. When he gets to Brian, he says, “No thanks man, Captain Dreamboat here is going to catch me some fresh fish off of his boat later tonight, if you know what I mean. I gotta save my appetite.” The waiter looks thoroughly confused, but says, “Okay. Next please…” After everyone’s orders are filled, Harold asks Naz for the salt and pepper. “Really, Harold, I was just about to use them. You’re the same greedy bastard that you were back at Quantico…” Naz mutters to herself, but after a few seconds she passes them to Rebecca who passes them to Harold. “Honestly, Naz. Can’t you just let bygones be bygones? Oh, wait, that would be too much to ask from such an unpatriotic individual such as yourself,” Harold also mutters to himself. I have no idea what went on between these two, but I have a feeling that we’ll all find out eventually. Soon enough, the waiter comes again with all of our food. We all begin to eat, and after a few minutes, Brian asks, “Hey, Tommy… Could I maybe have a bite of your steak or something…?” Tom just looks at him, “I thought I was making you dinner later?” “Nah man, that ship has sailed. Besides, you’re not that cute anyways,” Brian says and pouts slightly. “Brian!” Rebecca hisses, glaring at him, “In the hallway. Now!”The two of them get up and Rebecca leads him out of the room. But, just as they’re about to leave Brian stops, turns around, and winks cheekily at Tom. “BRIAN!” Rebecca snaps, and Brian hurriedly follows her. As soon as the door closes, Ressler begins laughing hysterically, pounding the table. Boyle, Aram, and Ike hesitantly join in while the rest of us just sit there in shock. “Sorry,” Ressler says apologetically, wiping tears from his eyes. “I just couldn’t hold it in any longer!” “I hate you,” Tom says flatly, glaring at him. “Ditto!” Ressler replies, quickly looking away so that he doesn’t begin laughing again. Brian and Rebecca come back in shortly after, Rebecca still looking furious and Brian seeming even more emboldened.After that, dinner continues on fairly normally, Aram attempting to make small talk with various people at the table. Mostly Navabi though. Sometimes I wish my life was that simple… Nah! I love having a KGB agent for a mom! Suddenly, Brian starts singing some obscure song, “Hey love, I want to be alone; I want to talk to Tom; He knows more than you do; And we’re meant to get along; Hey you, I don’t wanna come and play; You’re on your role of today; I’d rather be with Tom; He always seems alone…” The entire time he’s singing he just stares into Tom’s eyes. It honestly makes everyone (especially Tom, Rebecca, and I) very uncomfortable. Suddenly, Tom starts laughing hysterically, “Okay, that’s it. I’m done! I’m finished!” he stands up and, in his haste, flips his chair over, “Liz, I love you, but I’m never coming to one of these dinners ever again. Never. Ever. AGAIN!” He begins speed-walking out of the restaurant, but just before he leaves, he turns around and shouts, “I hate all of you! You, Ressler, you, Reddington, even Aram! But more than any of them, I hate you!” he says, pointing at Brian, “You are the worst kind of pond scum, and I never want to see your face again!” And with that, he dramatically strides out of the restaurant. “Tom, wait!” I call after him and hurry to follow. As I’m leaving, I hear Reddington say sarcastically, “Well, that went well.”*~*Three Hours Prior*~**Brian’s P.O.V.* I arrive early to the restaurant, just as Reddington asked me to. I still don’t understand how we never caught him; he’s right at the top of the list! I will always be bitter about that… Anyways, I see him and his ‘friend’ Dembe come in shortly after. “Brian! It’s great to see you!” he says, in what I’ve quickly learned is his bargaining tone. He goes in for the hug, which is kinda awkward at first, but I roll with it. “Hey there… So, what’s this top secret thing you need my help with?” I ask. “Well… As I said, I need your assistance with something. I think that Lizzie is going to bring a… guest with her. He wants to be more than that, but I must say that I don’t approve. His name is Tom Keen. I need you to be as annoying as possible to him, so that he gets driven away from the restaurant. So, just be yourself, but even more irritating than anyone ever thought you could possibly be!” He explains a little too happily. I smile, “Sure! But one thing: If I do this for you, what will I get in return?”Reddington sighs, looking slightly put upon, and says, “I will grant you one favor. Anything you ask for, within reason. But, only if you succeed completely.” “So no A for effort kinda thing?” I ask. Reddington looks rather repulsed at the thought, so I continue, saying, “Nah, don’t worry. I got this!”“Excellent,” he says, and we shake on the deal. This should be fun.*~*Present*~**Brian’s P.O.V.* After Liz and Tom left all in a huff, everyone begins filtering out. Rebecca glances at me, silently asking if I need a ride, but I shake my head with a grin. I’ve got a debt to collect. They all leave rather quickly (probably to get away from me lol), so I approach Reddington and say, “So about that deal we made… I know what I want.” He raises his eyebrow, “And what would that be?” “I want you to let me make a clay model of you, so that I can put it behind bars like all of the other Top Ten Most Wanted people. I’m still upset that we missed you! This is the only way that we can become friends, and it can give me closure,” I reply. “You do know the list rotates right? There are already nine other new people as well,” Reddington comments. “Oh yeah, I know. You’re just special, I guess,” I say in response. Reddington stares at me blankly for a second, then his face breaks into a wide smile, “I always have loved clay models.”
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*~*Nickname Key*~*Harold- Patriot #1Reddington- Nick’s Pizza Dembe- Bemde Ressler- Speed DemonAram- 0100000101001101Navabi- nAvAbI Liz- Masha Rostova Patriot #1: Okay, chatroom commence. Today we’re discussing the new taskforce that has been working with us. Nick’s Pizza: I hate to be the one to tell you this Harold, but this is a chatroom. It isn’t a mission.Speed Demon: cut the crap reddington it doesnt matter that much nAvAbI: calm down everyone. i think that the other task force is a little counter-productive. also ressler, your punctuation is terrible. Speed Demon: how did you know it was me?nAvAbI: you live for car chases. it wasn’t hard to connect the dots.0100000101001101: Hey guys! This is the first time I’ve ever been invited to a chatroom! Masha Rostova: hey aram also i think the new task force is pretty lit although i dont like how they treat tom *cough* finch *cough*Nick’s Pizza: Lizzie! I’m disappointed in you! I thought that I taught you how to use proper grammar! Also, I hired Finch… Masha Rostova: WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THIS??!!!Nick’s Pizza: Good job Lizzie! Now you just need to not capitalize every letter. And I was probably never going to mention it… Chatrooms are so liberating! Bemde: I agree with Raymond and Navabi. You both have terrible grammar. And the other task force is a nuisance, albeit an amusing one. Nothing more. Nick’s Pizza: Ditto!Speed Demon: hey thats my line!!!!nAvAbI: dembe what happened with your username? is it a typo? Bemde: It’s a spoonerism of my name! (Obviously)Patriot #1: Okay, everybody let’s get back on track! So, let's all answer this question with a yes or no- do you like working with the New York City task force? I say no. Nick’s Pizza: Harold! Don’t let your opinion of people on the task force influence your decision! I say… Yes!Speed Demon: i agree with yes theyre very entertainingBemde: Meh… No0100000101001101: Well… I don’t really like any of them too much, but I also don’t want Mr. Reddington to beat me up… so, yes.nAvAbI: noMasha Rostova: yeah theyre lit (except 4 finch) Nick’s Pizza: That’s 4 to 3 Harold, so in ‘democratic’ terms, we have to keep working with the weirdos! Or, excuse me, eccentrics!Patriot #1: That’s true; I’m never one to doubt democracy! What a surprisingly patriotic thing to say!0100000101001101: So, uh… What now?Speed Demon: idk… i wonder if theyre having the same conversation about us right now the elite hackzor: hey guys! no, not at the moment, but i will totally suggest that we do! by the way, liz, i read all of your exchanged messages and i do not appreciate the mean things you said about me!*~*Masha Rostova has left the group*~*the elite hackzor: looks like i scared her away. whoops!0100000101001101: How did you even hack into this group? the elite hackzor: well, you read my screen name right? a while back i learned how to hack. you know, no biggie.Nick’s Pizza: Could I employ your services again? the elite hackzor: yeah, totally! what for?Nick’s Pizza: Oh you know… Odd jobs here and there…Patriot #1: No.Speed Demon: nah, sonBemde: Might as well.0100000101001101: I’d appreciate it if you didn’t.nAvAbI: please dont, i dont need that kind of stress in my lifethe elite hackzor: see, this is the problem with people from d.c.! you’re all so uptight!*~*Patriot #1 has left the group*~**~*Speed Demon has left the group*~**~*0100000101001101 has left the group*~*nAvAbI: i’m not from D.C.!*~*nAvAbI has left the group*~*the elite hackzor: ha, did it for the lulz. LOOOooOOooOLlllL!!!*~*Bemde has left the group*~*Nick’s Pizza: I’ll talk to you later about those jobs.*~*Nick’s Pizza has left the group*~**~*Limitless Messenger*~*Naz- Patriot #2Brian- the elite hackzor Ike- MikEMike- IkEBoyle- JaguarRebecca- KoolKatPatriot #2: Okay, so I'm not really sure why we're here except that Finch wanted us to talk about the other task force behind their back? Whatever, let's just get on with it I suppose. KoolKat: I still think that this doesn’t seem like a very honest thing to do… the elite hackzor: dude rebecca… i know i cant really judge you on this but whats up with your screen name?!?KoolKat: What? Oh, this is just my old account name from the 90s! Funny, right? MikE: noIkE: I kinda thought it wasthe elite hackzor: hey “mike”… whats your real name?MikE: uh… Jason!the elite hackzor: i knew it! you and mike switched identities! i totally called it!Jaguar: So are we gonna talk about the other task force or not?IkE: I feel like they think that we’re a lesser task force. Is that just me? KoolKat: No, me too. I wonder whose fault that is? the elite hackzor: looking at you, naz! when are you gonna end this thing with harold? the rest of us are just trying to do our jobs, but you bring a lot of tension into the work environment! Patriot #2: First of all, the tension is your fault, not mine. Second of all, Finch, you're fired!Jaguar: Finch does bring up a pretty valid point, though. What’s the story behind that?0100000101001101: Hey guys, Aram here! I'm just doing some minor hacking, you know, “no biggie”.the elite hackzor: no, stop! people expect it from me, but when you barge into chat rooms its just creepy! Patriot #2: I hate to say it, but I agree with Finch. I thought you were more responsible than this, Aram! MikE: definitely creepy! IkE: tru dat bruh0100000101001101: Have you been talking to Agent Ressler recently? IkE: Yeah, actually! We’ve become good friends! KoolKat: I ship it! the elite hackzor: come on rebecca, have some class! mike and ike for the win!Jaguar: Yeah, you can’t beat the classics! By the way Aram, I think you’re creepy too. Koolkat: I’m with the rest of my task force on the creepiness. Solidarity! 0100000101001101: C’mon guys, give me a break! This wasn’t even my idea! Director Cooper asked me to do this. Patriot #2: HAROLD???!?!?!!!!!?the elite hackzor: here we go again. aram, did you really have to mention him? Patriot #2: HAROLD asked you to invade my privacy?!?! I should've known!!! He's the same creepy bastard he was back at Quantico!!! Why, I oughta give him a piece of my mind about all of the sneaking around he does, not to mention the intolerable company he keeps! (I mean Tom Keen, you're okay Aram, just don't ever break into my chat room again or there will be severe consequences)*~*0100000101001101 has left the group*~*the elite hackzor: there, i kicked him out! come on everyone, let's ditch this chat room and get some pizza!*~*Patriot #2 has left the group*~**~*MikE has left the group*~**~*IkE has left the group*~**~*Jaguar has left the group*~**~*KoolKat has left the group*~**~*the elite hackzor has left the group*~*0100000101001101: Hey, that wasn't very nice! 0100000101001101: Guys? Did you leave?0100000101001101: Darn it! Stood up again! I could go for some pizza though…
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Brian's P.O.V.
“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” Ressler says and stands up from the table. Rebecca, Boyle, Liz, and Ressler went out to lunch, and Rebecca didn’t want to leave me alone with Reddington, so I got to go with them! He walks away from the table and I notice something... he just happened to leave his ID and badge at the table. I know a golden opportunity when I see one, and so, (as stealthy as ever) I reach over and slide it into my pocket. “Okay, sorry guys, I gotta go now!” I say, suddenly getting up from the table. “Brian?” asks Rebecca, looking over at me. “I’m fine- everything’s fine! I just remembered something! That I have to do right now! So, yeah, bye!” Rebecca raises an eyebrow skeptically, but doesn’t move to say anything. I take my chance and hurry out of the restaurant. Okay… What to do now…? I think to myself. So, I pull out the badge, and walk into the nearest store, and hold it up. “Alright everyone, FBI. That’s right, I know what’s going on here,” I say as confidently as I can muster. “Okay… And what exactly is going on?” the cashier asks. “You are going to give me everything that I want for free, because I work for the government,” I reply. “No. That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works!” he protests. “Shhh… Yes it is. But, luckily for you, I don’t want anything from here. I just wanted to tell you!” I say, already walking out of the store. I go down the line of stores and pretty much the same exchange happens in all of them. However, in the last store on the corner, the store keeper finally gives me something! This is the best day ever!!!*Ressler’s P.O.V.*
Once I’m done (in the bathroom), I go back to the table and keep eating. “Where’s Finch?” I ask in between bites. Rebecca shrugs, “He said he remembered that he had something important to do, so he left right before you got back.” “‘Kay,” I say and shrug in response. The four of us finish eating and pay before getting up to go back to the Post Office. I reach down to grab my ID and badge, but my hand only brushes air. “Oh no…” I exclaim. “What’s wrong?” Liz asks, the concern evident in her voice. “Finch stole my official identity!!!” I rage. *20 Minutes Later*
“Where could he be?” Boyle asks.We managed to track Brian through a series of stores, all of which report that he asked for free stuff (classic). But after we leave the store that actually gave him something, he just disappeared. So, we’re heading back to see if Aram can track Brian through his phone, when we run into a familiar face. “Tom?” asks Liz, her expression incredulous. “Have you seen Finch, by any chance?” asks Boyle. I take a closer look at Tom’s face, and I can see why he made the assumption. The look in his eyes is familiar. Haunted. Tortured. Bamboozled. Immediately he turns away, saying only, “I don’t want to talk about it.” “Wait, if you know something you have to say it!” I protest. “I don’t want to talk about it!” he says, beginning to run. We half-heartedly try to chase him, but the experience must have been harrowing enough that he can run from anything. Oh well, back to the original plan I suppose. *Tom’s P.O.V.*
Regardless of what I want to or not want to talk about, I can’t help but think of the events leading up to seeing everyone…*20 Minutes Ago*
“Tom! Hey!” a voice calls after me. Who is it? Wait… No, it can’t be… No… “Captain Dreamboat! Hey, over here! It’s your favorite person!” I try to keep walking, but eventually he catches up to me. Best to get this over with, I guess.
I turn around and put on my best fake smile, “Hey there… You. How have you been Finch?” Brian’s face breaks into a big grin, “I’ve been great! I got a badge, see!” He waves it in my face.Wait, is that… “That’s Ressler’s badge, not yours! Did you steal it or something?” “Heh, you’ve got good eyes, Captain Dreamboat, and not just to look at. I did not steal it, I borrowed it,” he responds. My jaw clenches at the mention of ‘Captain Dreamboat’, but I manage to keep my cool. “So, why are you talking to me?” I ask him bluntly. “Well, to be honest, being a federal agent is kind of boring. No one even gives you free stuff!” he replies, looking very put out.
“And…” I began walking faster, trying to lose him in the crowd. “I obviously wanted to see your boat!” “My… My boat?” I squeak. He nods enthusiastically, “Yeah! I’ve been dying to see how you’ve decorated it!” “No, no way! You do not get to invade my life, and show up absolutely everywhere, and also take over my only sanctuary!” I snap, turning my speed walk into a sprint. I’m almost out of earshot when I hear one last remark, “But… I’ve got a badge…” *Present Time*
I stop for a second to think about where I should go next. I look around the roads trying to discern where I am when suddenly I spot… Him. Finch is now wearing an obnoxious sandwich board with my picture on it. Underneath the photo is my name and the question “Have you seen this man?” The picture isn’t even flattering! A few people glance in my direction, but I run the opposite way as fast as I can. It’s not fast enough, however, as soon enough I hear footsteps padding along behind me. “Tom! I finally found you! You know, in D.C. people really don’t respond to sandwich boards. Makes me miss New York… Anyways, I’ve decided that since I’m your friend, I don’t need to see your boat, despite the fact that you still owe me dinner on it. Also, I don’t really want to be arrested, so I was thinking that in a couple hours or so-” The irritating buzzing in my ear is suddenly cut off and I hear something smack into the cement behind me. Fearing for the safety of the sidewalk because of Brian’s abnormally high density, I quickly turn around and burst out laughing. Donald Ressler is laying face down on the sidewalk as Brian triumphantly places a foot on his back to keep him in place. “Sorry Ressler, didn’t see you there! Can’t help instinct, ya know?” he exclaims. Ressler mumbles something into the sidewalk as Rebecca says, “Brian where have you been?! First you lie to me, then you take off with an agent’s official identity, then you turn off your Find my iPhone feature, and terrorize Tom! What do you have to say for yourself?!” “Two words: No regrets,” he replies, smirking, “But hey, you found me! Woo! Alls well that ends well, am I right?” Ressler manages to push Brian off and stands up, saying, “Not so fast. I’m arresting you, Brian Finch, for charges of assaulting an agent, petty theft, identity theft, and terrorizing a citizen.” He moves to grab Brian’s arm, but Brian dodges again and says, “Ah ah ah, not so fast. I have the law on my side,” and pulls out the badge. “You realize that we can still arrest you, right?” Rebecca says, gesturing to herself and Boyle. “Well, crap. I guess I’ll have to see your boat another time then, Captain Dreamboat,” he replies with a sigh. I sigh as well, and almost feel bad for the guy. Wait, no I don’t! He finally got what he deserves! “Just kidding,” Brian says and breaks out of Rebecca’s grasp before running away into the crowd of the city. I can feel my jaw drop in shock, and I wonder when I will ever be rid of this guy. “It’s okay, we’ll find him,” Rebecca says, looking more amused than anything else. “Always do,” Boyle chimes in.
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“So… Today, I have a field trip planned for all of us!” Reddington exclaims in a suspicious voice as he walks into the room. The two task forces are all assembled in the main room of the Post Office, and they all look up as he enters.“Uh, we’re kinda busy here,” Harold says and turns back to his work.“Not too busy for this,” Reddington says, “We’ve all been cooped up in here for too long; it’s time to get out and visit an old ‘friend’ of mine. His name is Glen, and he is the best person I know at finding other people. He works at the DMV, and I must warn you that he’s a bit eccentric, but he gets the job done.”“We really don’t need to find anyone at the moment…” Rebecca protests quietly. “Oh no, you misunderstand me! This is a social call!” Reddington replies. “Actually, we do need to find someone,” Brian says, “Tom!” Liz scoffs, “We all know where he is, actually. It’s just you that doesn’t.”“Really? I know where he is too! I thought you guys didn’t,” he responds, “Wow, this is weird. When do we leave?”Reddington smiles, “Now. I have room in my car if anyone wants to carpool!”The rest of the combined task forces rapidly shake their heads no and run to their own vehicles. As Ressler pulls into the parking lot at the DMV he says to Liz sitting next to him, “Huh. I’ve seen the black van around D.C. a lot recently. Does the license plate say ‘LUCILE’?”“Ditto,” Liz responds, “Vanity plates are weird. It’s probably some old lady’s van, or something.”All 14 people walk into the DMV and come face to face with an extremely long line. “Let’s take a number,” Reddington says irritatedly as he makes eye contact with a man in an office who everyone presumes is Glen. Harold walks up to the machine and pulls out one of the tickets, “Seriously?” he asks with a sigh, before calling back to the rest of the group, “We got 98!” “I hate Glenn,” Reddington mutters to himself as the assembled group takes a seat next to another group of five people.“Do we really have to wait this long?” the blond woman demands. “Yes, Parker, because someone forgot to renew his license!” a long haired man replies with a scowl. “Hey, if y’all want me to drive you places then this has to happen!” exclaims another man. “Geez, Hardison. You could have renewed it earlier, like before we got to D.C.!” Parker responds. A woman with black hair looks over to the man sitting next to her and asks, “Nate, what number are we again?”The man, Nate, replies with a sigh, “97.”“Do you want to trade?” Brian casually asks the group. They all look at him for a moment before Parker asks, “Who are you?”“The question is who are you?” Brian replies with a charming smirk. “No! No, nope, uh-uh! We are not having this conversation!” protests Hardison. “Chill! I’m already taken,” Brian says, trying to calm the man down.The group of five scoot slightly away from the combined task forces, and resume a quiet conversation. However, Brian happens to be on NZT and so he hears the man with long hair whisper, “Nate, do you see some of their shoes? Those guys are feds!”“Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m thinking of a plan…” Nate responds, “Hardison, do you really need that new license right now?”Hardison looks at him, “Yeah, I kinda do. My Nana raised me to respect traffic laws!”“But apparently not any others,” the long haired man mutters. “Those are different, Eliot!” Hardison says with a sigh, “Sophie, I should get my license renewed, right?”Sophie shrugs, “It doesn’t matter to me either, but I’m going to suggest no if those people really are feds.”“Hey, Rebecca,” Brian says, “Those guys over there are saying some weird stuff. I think they might be fugitives or something.” “Brian, you can’t just go accusing everyone who won’t talk to you of being a fugitive,” she responds. “I think that they actually are this time! They could tell that we’re with the FBI by our shoes, and were whispering about breaking laws and stuff,” he protests. “Fine. I’ll have Aram run them through Facial Recognition,” she agrees. Aram takes a few stealthy pictures of the shady characters and gasps as more pictures come up on the screen, “Oh, no.”“What is it?” Harold asks urgently.Aram gulps, “Brian’s… Right. These people are criminals. A group that calls themselves Leverage. Basically the best con men in the world. The individual members are wanted in more countries than I can count.”“He obviously can’t count very high then,” Brian hears Parker mutter.The FBI people all poise to make an arrest, but before they move Reddington holds up a hand and says, “No. Leave them to me.”“What?! Why?” Ressler exclaims as Reddington gets up and sits across from the group. “Hello. As I’m sure you know, my name is Raymond Reddington. You’ve probably noticed that my associates over there are positively chomping at the bit to arrest you, but if you make a deal with me then I can prevent that from happening.” “No,” Nate replies flatly. Reddington gives him a surprised look, “Are you sure? I can promise that I’m a good ally to have and an equally destructive enemy.”Nate smiles, “Likewise.”Reddington scowls as the ticket caller says, “97!”The Leverage team quickly stands up and makes their way over to the counter, and then disappear into one of the offices.“Missed opportunity,” laments Ressler, shaking his head. “I concur,” agrees Reddington, still scowling.Minutes later, the team leaves and hurries out of the DMV. None of them look at the assembled FBI task forces, they only go to their van and pull out of the parking lot. “Wait, the ‘LUCILE’ van belongs to them?! I’m definitely tracking them down when we get back to the Post Office!” Ressler exclaims.“You’ll do nothing of the sort. I still have yet to make a deal with them,” Reddington states.Ressler rolls his eyes as Navabi says, “Besides, they’ll probably change their plates soon if they’re as smart as they claim to be.”“98!” the ticket counter says.Reddington and the rest of the group begin to walk up to the office, but he motions for them to stay back. He walks into the office of a short bald man who is sitting at a computer. He looks up, surprised, and says, “Reddington, what are you doing here?!”“Glen, do not test me right now. A very important business deal just fell through, and I am not in the best of moods,” Reddington states.Glen smirks, “You’re never in the best of moods. What do you need me to do, take another stray dog off of your hands or something? ‘Cause believe me, buddy, my mother will have a fit if I bring another mangy animal home.”“No, actually I came here on a social call! I wanted you to meet some of my friends, but you know what, I’ve changed my mind! You're nothing but a mean old man,” Reddington exclaims in an angry voice. But as Reddington begins to walk out of the office, Glen calls after him, “Look, Reddington, I didn’t mean to offend you!” “Really, Glen? Are you sure about that?” he responds sarcastically, narrowing his eyes. “Heh, no!” Glen shouts and starts laughing, “You should see your face right now, Reddington! I almost feel sorry for you!”Brian chooses this moment to walk in, saying, “Hey, Reddington, you’re taking a long time, and we’re all wondering if you wanted us to meet Glen or not. Wait, is this him?” “Yes, this is the man that I mentioned. However, I had forgotten how much I loathe him!” Reddington replies. “Really?” Brian asks. “Yes, why?!” Glen snaps. “Nothing! I just thought you’d be, you know… Taller,” he responds. This statement causes Glen to explode, and he shouts, “You know what Reddington?! If this is the kind of company you're keeping then I don’t want to meet your friends anyways! Unless you actually have a job for me, then you can just leave!” Shocked, Reddington hurriedly turns around and pushes through the group of people assembled outside of the office.“I suppose we won’t be meeting Glen today, then,” Ike whispers to Mike.“Ditto,” Mike whispers back. He snickers as Ressler turns around to face them.Ressler is rather enraged as he whisper shouts at Mike, “THAT’S MY LINE!!!”But, just as it seems that Reddington’s day could not possibly get any worse, another familiar face appears in the DMV. “Captain Dreamboat! Over here!” calls Brian. Now that everyone is familiar with Tom, they all groan at the sight of him. Tom looks startled at the assembly of some of his least favorite people at such an odd place as the DMV. But, before anyone can react, Tom bolts and runs faster than anyone has ever seen away from the DMV.“I have to admit, with the proper motivation, Tom would do really well in the Olympics on team U.S.A.,” Harold comments offhandedly, “If only he were a bit more patriotic…” “I’ll go after him,” Liz says. However, before she can leave, Brian shouts, “No, Liz! I have to be the one to go after him!”“Why?!” she asks, extremely confused. “He still owes me dinner!” he replies earnestly. “Now is not the time for this!” protests Liz.Brian takes off anyways and sprints after Tom. He manages to catch up to him a few streets over, where Tom is attempting to hide in a familiar black van.“Please, let me in! He’s coming after me!” Tom exclaims as he pounds on the window, “I thought you all were supposed to help people in danger! I’m in danger right now!!!”“Actually, we just steal stuff,” Parker replies.“She's right,” Nate agrees.“Come on, can’t we just let the poor guy in?” Sophie asks.“No,” the rest of the group says in response. They then pull away from the curb and drive off into the city. Tom looks around to find a new place to hide, but when he realizes there are none, he gives up and just stands on the sidewalk dejectedly. “Okay. I’m done running,” he says, at this point thoroughly resigned, “I’ll make you dinner on my boat. But only once, so don’t get too excited. Then, please, leave me alone.”Brian smirks, “As you wish, Captain Dreamboat.”
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*Tom’s P.O.V.*“Have you finished making dinner yet?” The voice comes out of nowhere, and I jump approximately ten feet into the air. Okay, maybe ten inches… Or ten centimeters… Needless to say, I was startled.“Brian… So good to see you,” I say through gritted teeth. To be honest, I’m not in the mood for this. Well, I’m never in the mood for this, but today was awful. Not only did Liz dump me for Ressler, but Navabi dumped me for Aram! “So, Captain Dreamboat… Can I make a food request?” He asks, walking into the kitchen and rudely jumping up onto the counter, sitting down. I sigh, “Okay, before this little… Whatever happens, we need to lay some ground rules. One- Don’t call me Captain Dreamboat. Two- Don’t leave the kitchen and living area. Three- Never come back, or speak about this again to anyone. Got it?”“Wow, that’s all?” he asks, seeming genuinely surprised.“Yeah… Do you have a problem with that, Finch?” I demand, scowling. “Heh, no. I’m just surprised that you actually agreed to have dinner!” He exclaims.“It’s not like I had much of a choice what with you following me around,” I comment.Brian looks at me quizzically, “Yeah you did… If you really didn’t want me here, then I wouldn’t have come!”I look over at him, “... Really?”Brian replies, “Yeah, I’m a cool dude! Also, can you make some fish? You did promise!” “Sure, why not?” And with that, I start making dinner. Brian and I have some awkward small talk that mainly consists of gossip about the two task forces.At some point, we begin impersonating various members, starting with Liz. “I can’t decide! My mother was part of the KGB! Reddington, I hate you so much! Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?! Why are you even here? Why am I even here? I hate everyone, despite all of the sacrifices that they’ve made for me!” Brian laughs, “Hey, that’s pretty good! But I’ve been practicing my impersonations of you people ever since we met!”He then sits up a little straighter and makes his expression look more aloof, but at the same time oddly put out, “Hi, my name is Elizabeth Keen, but my friends (if you can label them as such), call me Liz. Well, except for Reddington, who calls me Lizzie. But, occasionally I hate him so his opinion, although usually right, is invalid. Some fun facts about me include that my mother was a part of the KGB, and that’s pretty much it. That single fact has driven me this past year to discover why all of these things keep happening to me. I mean, can you even imagine what being in the KGB was like?! I sure can’t!”Shocked, it takes me a few moments to respond, “That was actually a little scary! How are you even able to do that?!”“Oh… I can’t actually tell you…” Brian says, all humor gone from his face. “Come on, I thought that we were… you know, friends,” I have to force the word out of my mouth, but I really want to know his secret. “Well, Cap- sorry, Tom, you’re gonna have to get a little closer to me to know what that secret is,” he says in almost a mocking voice. “Seriously?! Come on, just tell me! Who would I share it with? I’m a con artist living on a boat!” I reason. Brian sighs, “Alright, fine, I’ll give you a hint- I’m on some hard core drugs right now.”A little dumbfounded I reply, “Okay… That’s not believable at all, but you’re obviously not gonna tell me. Dinner’s ready anyways.”“Great!” he replies. Brian and I sit down at the small table in the corner of the kitchen. “Aren’t you going to set the mood a little? Like, candles or music, or something?”I scowl, “This isn’t a date, Finch. Just two bros hanging out on a boat.”“I know. It’s just fun to make you angry- wait. Did you just call us bros?!” He exclaims happily. “I’m going to regret that, aren’t I?” I ask with a sigh. Brian smirks, “Probably.”The rest of dinner passes relatively well, with minimal embarrassment or me wanting to punch Brian in the throat. “Well, I should probably get going! I don’t want Rebecca to worry, and she usually does when I’m gone for too long,” Brian says and stands up from the table. I stand up as well, “Yeah, you’re right. Huh, I guess this wasn’t that bad after all.”Brian smiles, “See? I told you that I’m a pretty cool dude!”I almost smile as well, “That you did. But we are still never telling anyone about this.”“Agreed,” he says as we shake hands.“What’d you tell Rebecca anyways?” I ask.“I said that I had to go to the bathroom. I’ll be seeing you, Captain Dreamboat!” he exclaims, walking off of the boat. I take a moment to reflect on the evening's events, Well… That was an experience. It could’ve been worse though. At least I didn’t have dinner with Navabi. Or Liz. Or both. Now that would’ve been awkward!
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The day started off the same as any other. That is, until Brian couldn’t take it anymore.He walks over to Naz’s workstation and demands, “Alright, Naz, we’ve been here long enough to know why you and Harold hate each other so much! It honestly gets in the way of our work ethic!”“What work ethic?” Boyle comments as he walks by carrying a stack of files. “Come on, Boyle,” Brian says and smiles, “You know you want to know too.”At this point, Rebecca, Mike, and Ike have all been drawn into the loud conversation. “I think we deserve to know,” Ike states.“Shut up, Ike,” Boyle says, “I think we deserve to know, Naz.”Brian looks between the two of them, “Wait- Never mind, that’s not the most important thing right now. Are you gonna tell us, Naz?”**~*~**Meanwhile, on the other side of the room a similar conversation has broken out among the D.C. task force. Plus Reddington, Dembe, and Tom, of course. “You see what this thing between you and Naz is doing, Harold? Those miscreants on the other side of the room aren’t even working anymore!” Ressler exclaims. Liz rolls her eyes, “Do they ever work, though?”Aram nods, “Fair point.”“Shut up, Aram,” Ressler states, “But that is a fair point, Liz.”“Wait- Never mind, I suppose we have more pressing matters at hand,” Navabi says, before looking pointedly at Harold, “So… Are you going to tell us?”Harold sighs, “It happened right before my last year at Quantico…”******Flashback to 1988**Harold’s P.O.V.*“Hey… your name is Naz, right?” I ask her. “What’s it to you, comrade?” she demands, scowling at me.*****“Wait a second,” protests Tom, “I can’t imagine Naz ever saying ‘comrade’. Or ‘what’s it to you,’ for that matter.” “Who’s telling the story here?” I ask him, frowning. Such an unpatriotic individual.***** “Oh, I was just wondering if I could borrow your history book for a little while,” I say innocently, “I’m about to have class, and I forgot mine in my room!” “It’ll cost you,” she replies. “Why can’t you help me out of the goodness of your own heart?” I ask Naz pleadingly. She stares at me creepily for a long time before eventually shoving her textbook at me, “Return it by tomorrow,” she says gruffly. “Thank you!” I exclaim happily, grinning jubilantly at her. The next day rolls around, and unfortunately I haven’t finished the homework. So, I decide to keep the book, thinking that Naz would prefer me to get a good grade in the class over having her book back on time. But, in my rush to finish, I spill coffee all over the book. I again assume that rather than using a ruined book, Naz would prefer to not have a book at all, so I take the liberty of throwing it away for her.*****Aram looks rather scandalized, “So, instead of just giving it to her and apologizing, you threw it away? That’s kinda messed up.”I glare at him, “You don’t know a thing about what happened! I was in a tight spot and acted according to what I thought was right!”“I can’t think of any other time when that’s backfired,” Liz mutters.“No more interruptions!” I state and resume the story.*****Naz approaches me later that night in the cafeteria. More specifically, she sneaks up on me, and in my surprise I turn around and accidentally spill my chicken pot pie all over the front of her.“My pot pie!” I exclaim as she glowers at me. I can practically see steam coming off of her… Oh wait, that might just be because the pot pie had just come out of the oven.“You…” she states angrily, “Not only did you steal my book, but you spilled food all over me! Get out of my sight!”“But I just…” I start to say, but the expression on Naz’s face is so fearsome that I gather my things and leave. *****“That’s just the first part,” I say as I realize people are beginning to lose interest, “The next part happens a few months later when I discovered that our comrade Naz is a probable Communist!”“Are there Russians in this story?!” asks Liz, a wild gleam in her eyes.I hesitate for a moment before answering, “... No. Not at all.”*****I’m sitting in my history class at the beginning of second semester, when none other than Naz walks in. She sees me and glares before sitting on the other side of the room.The professor walks in and begins the lecture about Communist Russia. This may not seem like much, but when the professor turns to write something on the board, I hear Naz exclaim to one of her friends that she, “...has an affinity for Russian history”!!! I approach her after class, “So… I heard what you said earlier. Does that make you one of them?!”“I have no idea what you mean,” she says before starting to walk away.“IT MEANS YOU’RE A COMMUNIST!!!” I shout after her.This draws the attention of a number of other students, and so the rumor begins that Naz is secretly a Russian spy. *****“Wait… So I understand why Naz hates you, but why on Earth do you hate her?!” Aram asks.“Because she is an unpatriotic Russian sympathizer!” I hastily respond.“Uh-huh…” Reddington exclaims skeptically, “I’ve known quite a few Russian spies in my lifetime, and believe me when I say that Naz isn’t one of them.”I glance over at him,”How would you know- Oh, yeah. Right.”Ressler suddenly speaks up, after being silent for some time, “You know, I was expecting an affair.”Liz smirks, “Pay up, Ressler.”He reluctantly hands her a fifty dollar bill as we all become aware of a similar conversation on the other side of the room. **~*~***Naz’s P.O.V.*“Please, Naz,” Brian pleads, “I just want to know what happened between you and Harold! It’s been haunting me ever since we got here!”I sigh reluctantly, “Fine… It all started my last year at Quantico…”******Flashback to 1988*“Hey, you’re Naz, right?” Some guy asks me. “Yeah… Can I help you with something? Who even are you?” I ask in return.He rolls his eyes, “The name’s Harold. Harold Cooper, and I need your textbook. Mine is, uh… I’m not sure exactly, but I have class now so…”I sigh, “Okay, but I need it back tomorrow, or it’ll cost you.”“But I sustain myself on patriotism and raw zeal! I don’t have any material wealth!” he responds.*****“Can anyone survive on only those two things?” Rebecca asks.I scoff, “Maybe not, but he also eats chicken pot pie. That’s later in the story, though.”*****I wait for Harold the next day to get my book back, but he never shows up. However, I see him later that night in the cafeteria, carrying a steaming helping of chicken pot pie, which happens to be my least favorite food. I approach him, but as I’m about to ask for my book, he dumps his food all over me!“My pot pie!” He screams in anguish, looking faint. “Aren’t you even going to apologize?!” I ask angrily as I wipe pot pie sauce out of my eyes.He stares at me for a long moment, eyes unapologetic, before turning on his heel and leaving me there covered in food.*****“I’ll have you know that I never got the stain from that out of my clothes either, and no matter how much soap I used I smelled like chicken for the rest of the week!” I add. “Wow… That’s horrible…” Ike says, shaking his head.“Yeah…” Mike agrees, “My entire opinion of Harold has dramatically changed over the course of this story.”I scoff, “The worst part hasn’t even happened yet.” *****A few months after the Pot Pie Incident of 1988 (as it was later known), I was put into the same history class as one Harold Cooper. However, we were learning about Russian history, which has always fascinated me, so that balanced it out slightly. I said as much to one of my friends, (her name was Tara Cole) but apparently Harold was rather creepily listening to our conversation, because after class, he comes up to me and exclaims, “I HEARD YOU SAY THAT YOU LIKED RUSSIANS EARLIER!!! THAT MEANS THAT YOU’RE ONE OF THEM!!!” “One of whom?” I ask, not wanting to agitate him further. “IT MEANS THAT YOU’RE A COMMUNIST!!!!!!!!!!” He screams. So, naturally, I speed walk away (without making any sudden movements or looking back), but the seed was planted for the rumor that I was a Russian spy-*****“Shh! Don’t say that word too loudly!” Brian interrupts.“... What word?” I ask, mildly confused.He looks around before replying, “Russians. Oh no, she’s already looking over here!”We all turn to the D.C. task force and sure enough, Liz is watching us, a creepy smile plastered to her face. “Okay then…” I state before resuming the story, “Well, after I’m accused, Quantico threatens to have me expelled, but they never find anything to prove Harold’s claim. So, I try to fly under the radar before I eventually graduate, then start working for the FBI.”“Wow, Harold’s the worst. I think I might hate him now!” exclaims Brian, before walking over to Ressler and saying, “Hey man, so I guess you heard Harold’s version of the events, which means you must hate Naz. But if you do, we’ll have to fight-”Before Brian can finish his threat, Ressler says, “Nah man, Harold’s story was the worst. I honestly have more sympathy for her than him, anyways.”“All right, great!” Brian exclaims before making his way over to Tom. The rest of the groups split up and resume work as Brian whispers, “Hey, did you see Liz watching us after Naz said… You know…”Tom nods, “Yeah she was all, ‘can you even imagine what being in the KGB was like?! I sure can’t!’”They both start laughing, and I can’t help but feel like I’m missing something… I quickly glance over at Liz and notice her looking at them appraisingly. I mutter to myself, “Whatever reason she has for being obsessed with Russians, I sure don’t want to be a part of it.”Ressler walks up behind me and says, “Ditto.”
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*Ressler’s P.O.V.*“Hey, Finch… So, I had to make this ‘FBI Training Video’ about car chases and stuff, and I was wondering if I could show it to your task force because mine is a little… Biased,” I explain.“Well, since you did confirm that you’re Team Naz in the Naz vs. Harold debate, I suppose I can show it to my task force. You’ll owe me a favor, though,” Finch replies. Is it worth going into debt with Finch? Hmmm… Yeah! This video is awesome! “Okay, thanks,” I eventually reply. “Hey, guys! Ressler wants to show us a training video he made for car chases. I’m sure it’ll be ‘great’,” Finch exclaims to Boyle and company.“But we’re actually being productive today!” protests Rebecca. “Come on, Rebecca, are we really? We’re never productive! It’s part of our charm,” Finch replies. Naz nods, “Fair point.”With a reluctant sigh, Rebecca and the rest of the New York task force gathers around Finch’s computer to watch my FBI training video. “In a world filled with peril, there is sometimes only one answer… A car chase,” my voiceover narrates as the video starts.“What is this?” demands Naz. “My car chase video! I already told you!” I reply, turning my attention back to the screen. Suddenly, one of the large government issued SUVs drives across the screen and torrents of flame shoot up the sides of the video. Large lettering appears in between the fire- FBI Training Video: Car Chases brought to you by Special Agent Donald Ressler!!!!Brian scoffs, “Nice graphics, man.”I smile with pride, “Thanks. It took me two hours to decide on the font!”“You do realize that he was being sarcastic, right?” Rebecca asks. I laugh, trying to cover up that I hadn’t realized that, “Of course I got that, I was just… Choosing to ignore it.”Meanwhile, out of the corner of my eye I see Liz walking over to join us, probably drawn in by Eye of the Tiger playing loudly in the background of the video. “What’s this?” she asks, nodding at the screen. I pause the video to make sure that no one misses anything. “Oh, you know, a video that Ressler made to teach people about car chases. It looks like it’s gonna be fantastic!” Brian states.Boyle smiles excitedly, “Doesn’t it?!”“Thank you for your support, Boyle!” I say, nodding at him appreciatively. “I think it’ll be great too!” Mike chimes in. “Shut up Mike. This video’s gonna be great!” I reply dismissively.Ike lays a friendly hand on his shoulder as Mike looks down sadly, “It’s okay. At least now you know how it feels to be me.” “I am so sorry,” Mike replies earnestly. “It’s alright, man. You get used to it,” Ike responds, “Let’s hug it out.”Brian holds up his hands, “Whoa there, get a room guys. I mean, I ship it, but not this much!”I nod, “Besides, you don’t want to miss any of the video!”“Well, if it’s going to be so great, then you won’t mind if we watch it as well, right Ressler?” Liz asks me, motioning to the other members of our task force that have at this point also clustered around the screen. Reddington, Dembe, and Tom have also shown up and make their way over to stand behind the task forces.I sigh, “I guess it’s okay… But try not to say anything during the video; I want to save all of the comments and praise for the end so that we can all be sure to see all of it.”“Well, let’s get this party started then!” Brian exclaims as he drags the cursor to restart the video. “Not again!” Naz protests, face palming. “In a world filled with peril, there is sometimes only one answer… A car chase,” my voiceover narrates as the video starts once again.“This is already horrible!” Navabi comments, glaring at the screen. “SAVE YOUR COMMENTS FOR THE END!” I screech. The video continues smoothly with lots of explosions, expensive cars, and me wearing a super rad pair of sunglasses. The assembled group seems to think that it’s good, at least based on their expressions. Actually, I’m not sure if they look engaged or like they want to tear their eyes out… I’m going to assume the former.That is, until about halfway through the video, when one of my favorite graphics appears on the screen saying ALWAYS WEAR YOUR SEAT BELT AT ALL TIMES!!!1Brian starts chortling, so I pause the video and shoot him a glare. “Sorry,” he manages to say in between laughs, “You just have a ‘1’ at the end of that sentence, so you may want to go back and edit that…” The other members gathered around look at the screen and laugh a little as well. I feel my face turn red from shame and anger, and shout, “THE 1 WAS FOR AESTHETIC!!!!!!!”“Whatever you say, buddy,” Tom says as Brian fist bumps him. Something fishy is definitely going on between those two… From there on out any member of the group who seems amused by the video gets a fierce glare from yours truly, which seems to sober them up.After twenty minutes of pure majesty the video regretfully ends. I had about five hours total of footage that I wanted to include, but Harold said that twenty minutes was the most that I could use. Everyone is silent as they digest the video. Speechless more likely at my genius and cunning, but I wait for someone else to make the first comment. I don’t want to seem too egotistical. “Ressler, how do I put this nicely… You’re fired,” Harold says flatly. I do a double take, “What?!?!?! But-but my video was incredible! It was informative and fun! The perfect mix for retaining information!”“Donald, I’ve seen a lot of car chase training videos in my life, and I must say that this video is by far the worst that I’ve ever seen! It’s impressive, it truly is,” Reddington comments. Seeing my dejected expression, Liz turns to me and says, “Hey, it’s not all bad. The special effects were decent!”“What? No they weren’t!” protests Aram, “I mean, I hate to be rude Agent Ressler, but if you had just asked me to help you then the video would have been much better,” “He’s not wrong,” concurs Navabi. My fists clench by my side as I say, “Fine. If none of you think that my video is good for training people, then I’ll just have to prove that it is!”“Okay, Ressler,” Harold agrees with a sigh, “If you can help one person succeed in a car chase with this video then I will re-hire you. Deal?” “Deal!” I agree cheerfully, “I will prove all of you wrong! Just you wait!” And with that, I dramatically stand up from the table and leave the building, stopping only to grab a few personal things from my desk. I don’t want to forget any of those!*~*One Week Time Skip*~**Brian’s P.O.V.*It only takes a week for Ressler to return to the Post Office with a… mini him? The kid looks to be about twelve (not even legal driving age), and is wearing a fake blond mustache and wig, an ill-fitting suit, the shades Ressler had on in the video, and is clearly trying too hard to imitate his every move. “Hi, I’m Ressler. Aang Ressler,” he says, clearly trying to lower his voice.“You realize that Ressler doesn’t have a mustache, right?” I ask. “Of course I do! I’m not Donald Ressler! I’m Aang Ressler! His… Father!” Tom shakes his head and mutters, “This is all kinds of wrong…”“Aang, what are you doing?” hisses Ressler, clearly trying to be quiet but failing miserably, “Stick to the script!” “Right, sorry!” he agrees sheepishly. “So, Ressler, is your… Father even of driving age?” Harold asks, narrowing his eyes slightly. “Are you calling me old, young man?” Aang demands. “No! Not at all!” Harold sputters. Ressler sighs, “Anyways, before this train wreck gets even worse, I showed Aang the car chase video and trust me, he’s a pro. Show ‘em, Aang!”Aang suddenly gets nervous, “Oh, uh, really? Are you sure, I mean, I haven’t warmed up yet or anything… I, um, just need to do this other thing really fast-”“Just get in the car!” Liz exclaims as her patience begins to wear out. “Okay, geez! Son, you should tell your friends to respect their elders!” Aang grumbles as he gets into the driver’s seat. His feet, I notice, barely reach the pedals. “Ressler, try not to add child murder to your repertoire,” I comment. He scoffs, “Of course not! I’m getting in another car to chase him and be chased, so it’s not like some random miscreant is going after him!”“Yes, that makes me feel so much better about his safety,” Tom sarcastically states.Ressler doesn’t respond as he climbs into the driver’s side of a different SUV. “Okay, Aang,” he calls out the window, “I’m going to chase you first. Just remember what the video taught you, and you should be fine!”“The key word there is ‘should’,” I hear Naz mutter to Rebecca.And so the chase begins. At first, it goes surprisingly well, but conditions quickly start to deteriorate. Ressler starts going too fast, so Aang has to increase speed as well, and given that he can barely reach any of the controls, starts driving like a maniac.“AAAHHHH!” Screams Liz as she almost gets hit. Luckily, Reddington pushes her out of the way just in time. Instead of saying ‘thank you’, she just brushes off her clothes and goes to stand on the other side of the group.“Hi, my name is Elizabeth Keen, but my friends (if you can label them as such), call me Liz. Well, except for Reddington, who calls me Lizzie. But, occasionally I hate him so his opinion, although usually right, is invalid,” I say quietly. Tom starts laughing outright as Rebecca raises a questioning eyebrow at us. I simply shrug and turn my attention back to the unfortunate car chase. Ressler, car chase pro that he is, has slowly started spinning out of control, and when he notices this, he starts swearing vehemently. Aang, seeming thoroughly scandalized by this display of road rage, parks his car; narrowly avoiding a collision with Ressler’s vehicle. He gets out of the car and stalks over to where Ressler has also pulled over. He taps on the glass and motions for Ressler to roll down the window. “Son, I ought to ground you for the rest of the year! You should not use such foul language in front of the sensitive ears of your elders! Not to mention all of your respectable comrades here who may take offense!!”“COMRADES!?” Harold exclaims, “Ressler, your father must be a communist! And he’s implying that the rest of us are communists as well!!!”“This again?” Naz asks with a sigh, “And that little boy is not Ressler’s father!” “Are you sure? They look an awful lot alike…” Harold replies skeptically. “Aang, what are you doing?!” Someone shouts from the other side of the parking lot. Aang excitedly turns as the person, a young girl wearing blue, approaches.“Hi Katara! I’ve learned to be in a car chase!” He states proudly. Then, turning to the rest of us he says, “Everyone, meet my wife Katara. Katara Ressler. Donald’s mother.”A hush falls over the group as we all try to process this new information. It’s almost too much for me to handle, and I can handle a lot. Eventually, Harold makes his way over to Ressler and stands in front of the driver’s side door. He says to him, “Ressler… I have one thing to say about this little stunt you’ve pulled…”Ressler gulps nervously.Harold’s face breaks into a grin, “You’re hired!”Tom’s face pales, “Oh my god…”“Ditto,” we all reply.
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“I think it’s time that we all took a little vacation,” Boyle declares. Rebecca rolls her eyes, “You’re just saying that because you don’t want to do any more work.”“That’s a great idea! And I have the perfect compromise between work and vacation- We can go to New York City so you all can see where we work!!!! I’ll show you my Headquarters!!” Brian cheerily exclaims.“Why would we want to see where you work?” Ressler asks, attempting to raise one eyebrow but failing and raising both instead. Liz scoffs at him, “Aw, come on, Ressler! It’ll be fun! A change of scenery will probably be good for you.”“What do you mean by that?” He responds, clearly offended. “Just that you’ve been working so hard lately, and I think you deserve a break,” Liz explains. Truthfully, Ressler had done absolutely nothing for the past two weeks except for complain, so Liz was hoping that a few days off would cheer him up.Smiling, Ressler responds, “Why, thank you! It’s nice to be appreciated! I suppose it wouldn’t hurt for us to go then.”“Woah, woah, woah!” Harold interrupts, holding up both hands in an attempt to stop the talking, “Why would I want to venture into a lion’s den filled to the brim with Communism?!?!?!?!?!”“Because if you’re able to find evidence of Communism in Naz’s office, you can send her to prison for good!” Aram whispers conspiratorially to Harold. “You’re right!” Harold exclaims, his eyes lighting up. So, the decision is made for the combined task forces to travel to New York City. Some are more excited to go than others, but they all collectively agree to go more or less.When they arrive at the FBI branch office, the D.C. team is surprised to see the amount of natural light in the building. They had been so used to working in basically pitch black with harsh, overhead lights and the blue light from electronics that they could practically feel their skin burning from the contact of the sun even in the building.Meanwhile, the New York task force looks more at ease immediately and seem at home here with the windows, sunlight, and actually bright colors.“Headquarters!” Brian shouts, running to a glass office that has H.Q. posted on it in small letters, “I’ve missed you so much!”Brian, Rebecca, and company begin to introduce the D.C. team to other members in the office when a familiar face to both groups appears.“Diana! It’s so good to see you again! We miss you back in D.C.,” Liz exclaims and goes to hug her friend.“Liz!” she responds and returns the embrace wholeheartedly.Diana Barrigan- An FBI agent known to many due to her position both in the D.C. and New York City branches in the bureau. She worked with Liz, Ressler, Navabi, Aram, Harold, Reddington, and Dembe when she was last stationed there. Now, she works in the White Collar division a floor above Brian, Rebecca, Boyle, Mike, Ike, and Naz. The only person she hasn’t met is Tom.“Hey!” She greets him, “I’m Diana. Your name is… Timothy, right? Tim?”He sighs, “Actually it’s Tomothy. Tom for short.”Reddington splutters, “What?!?! I never told you that was your full name when I gave you the alias!!!!”Tom shrugs, “Good actors always improv a little bit. It’s how we make the roles our own.” “You’re not an actor, Tom,” Reddington replies scathingly.“Grifters and actors are really quite similar,” a man replies, also walking into the office. He has brown hair, blue eyes, and a silent agreement goes through the room that he is very handsome. He’s followed by another man with shorter brown hair and angry eyebrows. The two make quite a pair. The first man smiles and looks at Reddington, “I guess I shouldn’t be lecturing you about con men though, Raymond Reddington.”Reddington stiffens as soon as he sees him and promptly leaves the room with Dembe in tow.“What was that about?” Diana asks the man.He shakes his head, “I’m not entirely sure- it could be many reasons. Anyways, my name is Neal. Neal Caffrey.”“Yeah, Diana told us about you,” Navabi remarks.“You told your D.C. friends about me? I’m so flattered!” Neal replies, grinning. “So… Did you hear anything about me? Special Agent Peter Burke, Diana’s boss,” the second guy asks hopefully.The D.C. team all awkwardly look at each other. Harold seems to take his cue to be the spokesperson, so he responds, “No. Sorry.”Peter looks sad, but nods, like he expected this. An uncomfortable silence descends on the group. Brian clears his throat after a few minutes of this and suggests, “How about we do some icebreaker games?”“Really?” Rebecca asks, successfully arching one eyebrow. Ressler looks on in jealousy. “Why not?” Brian replies with a shrug, “It’s not like we really have anything better to do.”“Well, actually Neal, Diana, and I were just in the middle of a case-” Peter begins to say, but is promptly cut off by Neal.“Peter, can’t we just spend some time with different people? The case will be there tomorrow, and it’s not that urgent. Plus, how often do you get to talk to other FBI people who aren’t trying to ship me off somewhere?” Neal entreats.Peter sighs, but doesn’t put up a fight as the group moves into another conference room. Neal makes some calls and the group is soon joined by three people who introduce themselves as Elizabeth (Peter’s wife), Mozzie (Neal’s mentor/one of his best friends), and Jones (Diana’s best friend).“Hang on a second!” Tom says, “I’m not FBI!” “Fair point,” Harold replies, “But no one likes you anyways.” “Ditto,” Ressler agrees. Brian smiles warmly at him, “Don’t worry, buddy, I’ll always love you!” Tom gives him a look that’s a cross between acutely uncomfortable but also kind of grateful, so Brian helpfully tacks on, “In a completely platonic way, of course.”“Okay, then…” Ike says, “I’m ready for some games.”“Ditto!” Mike agrees, punching Ike on the shoulder in a jovial manner. And so the games begin. “Ooh, I know a game we can play! We played it at a summer camp I went to when I was in high school… It’s called ‘I Like People Who…’, otherwise known as the Circle Game!” Aram excitedly announces.Navabi shrugs, “That sounds pretty self explanatory. I suppose I’m willing to participate.” The others either shrug or nod as well, and so they all gather into a circle with one person standing in the middle.“Hi… I’m Donald Ressler…” he states, “And I like people who like car chases!!!!!!”There’s a moment of silence, but then some of the more hardcore FBI people- Boyle, Harold, Mike, Peter, and Diana- run and Peter ends up in the center of the circle. “My name is Special Agent Peter Burke, as I’ve already stated, and… I like people who like baseball,” he says.A few people (Naz, Ressler, Harold, Ike, and Elizabeth) all run with Liz ending up in the center. Navabi gives her a surprised look, and she quickly explains that it’s how she calms down after hearing something about Russians because it helps her get in touch with her American side. Navabi nods.“Speaking of which, my name is Liz Keen, and I like people who like Russians!” Harold gasps in disbelief as a few key individuals, namely Naz, Neal, Mozzie, and Rebecca all trade places. Naz ends up in the middle as Rebecca is a hair faster than her.Sighing, she states, “Let’s get this over with. My name is Naz and I like people who like pomegranate.”Everyone looks around in confusion except for Rebecca, Brian, and Boyle who all move to take Naz’s place. Brian gets there first and proudly exclaims, “You all know me- I’m Brian and I like people who like drugs!”There’s a moment of silence that is followed by a loud sigh from Tom, who moves to take Brian’s place. “It’s not what it looks like- Okay, it kinda is, but mostly I’m just supporting my friend… Anyways, my name is Tom, not Tim, and I like people who like boats,” Tom declares. He’s given a few more odd looks mostly from the D.C. group, but a shuffle transpires.Peter, Mozzie, Elizabeth, Jones, Brian, Ike, Aram, Neal, and Navabi all move. Neal ends up in the center.“Hi everyone. I’m Neal Caffrey, as I’m sure many of you know. I like people who like hats.” he says. Aram, Mike, Ike, Brian, Tom, Harold, Liz, Peter, Elizabeth, Jones, Diana, and Mozzie all move around the circle with Harold ending up in the middle.He surveys the crowd before stating, “My name is Harold Cooper, and I like people who like pot pie.”To his displeasure, only a few people move and none from his task force. Only Peter, Jones, and Mozzie like pot pie, apparently.Mozzie ends up in the center, and Neal recognizes the devious glint in his friend’s eyes. Looking around the circle, Mozzie announces, “My name is Mozzie. I like people who like Communism, as I myself am an avid practitioner.”There is once again a moment of silence before Harold starts screaming. “COMMUNIST!!! LEMME AT HIM!!!!! LEMME AT HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” The second part was directed at Ressler and Mike, who are holding him back as he tries to fling himself at Mozzie so that he can knock him over with the might of Capitalism. After a few minutes Harold settles down, and Neal helpfully points out, “Well, that killed the gaming mood.”Dembe chooses this moment to walk into the conference room. “Where’s Reddington?” Liz asks. “I don’t know,” Dembe replies with a shrug, “I’m not his mother… Or his handler.” “What’s wrong with handlers?!” Rebecca and Peter demand simultaneously. “Nothing,” Dembe replies, although his expression suggests otherwise. “Glad we have that settled,” Peter replies, narrowing his eyes slightly. “So… what’s next?” Aram asks. Elizabeth starts to say something, but she’s cut off by Peter asking, “Where’s Neal?” Rebecca looks around for a second before asking “Where’s Brian?!” Liz does the same thing, but asks, with even more fear in her voice, “Where’s Tom?!?!” Mozzie’s eyes widen in realization, “Oh no… We’re all in for a treat.”**~*~***Neal’s P.O.V.*“So… What exactly did you have in mind?” I ask Brian. He shrugs, “Actually it was Tom’s idea.”Tom scowls, “It was most certainly not my idea. You suggested it in the chaos after Mozzie professed his love of Communism!”“Just to clear that up Mozzie isn’t actually a Communist… I think,” I state. Tom and Brian shrug as the only person who really cares about that stuff is Harold, “What even is this ‘idea’?”“Well… You know that song ‘John Jacob Jingleheimer-Schmidt?” Brian asks.“That song was my childhood!”“We’re basically going to do that, but put our names in it and then perform it for all of our friends! I even thought of choreography.”I nod, “Interesting… But why me?”“A) Your name fit the syllable count, and B) Do you think anyone else would go along with this?” “Fair point,” I agree. Tom sighs, “This is stupid, but… I can’t wait to see the looks on everyone’s faces!”Brian and I agree, and so we all get to work. Tom and Brian are actually good dancers and not horrible singers, so it goes smoothly, and soon enough we’re ready for our debut performance. **~*~***Peter’s P.O.V.*We all sit in an awkward silence for what feels like an eternity but is probably about five minutes before Elizabeth asks, “What do you think they’re planning?”I sigh, “I don’t know- it’ll probably be painful, though.”“I don’t know, but I’m pretty excited!” Ike exclaims.“Don’t be so naive, Ike,” Ressler replies dismissively. Mike glowers at him, “You know, one of these days I’m going to punch you, Ressler.”“Sure you are, Mike.”Mike is saved from answering by the conference doors flying open and three figures strolling in. They all move to the front of the room and Neal steps forward with a charming smile.“Good afternoon. We are here to present a rendition of ‘John Jacob Jingleheimer-Schmidt.’ Enjoy.”“Why?” I ask Diana, “What could possibly have motivated them to do this?” She shrugs, “Friendship and good-natured humor?”I glower and decide not to dignify that with a response.Neal, Brian, and Tom ignore both of us, and begin. “Tom Brian Jingleheimer-Neal! That’s my name too! And whenever I go out, the people always shout ‘There goes Tom Brian Jingleheimer-Neal!’ Trololololololol!” As if that isn’t enough, they start to sing it in a round, starting with Tom, then Brian, then Neal (of course in the order of their names in the song). Once the rounds are finished, they do one encore round in halftime with this obnoxious kick line. By the end I’m close to passing out because of the horror. I do appreciate their effort, grudgingly, but it’s still ridiculous. Mozzie of course, gives them a standing ovation, as do Diana, Elizabeth, Ike, Dembe, and Aram. Mike, Jones, and Liz clap half-heartedly while Naz, Rebecca, Boyle, Ressler, Harold, Navabi, and myself sit in stunned silence. Just as Brian, Tom, and Neal take their bows, Reddington storms into the room. He appears to be ranting about something to Dembe’s turned back when he stops dead in his tracks, looking around the room, “What did I miss?”
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“Stavros? Yeah, this is Finch. I need you to do me a favor…” “Yeah, I know fourteen’s a lot, but what are you gonna do?” “Stavros, that is just unreasonable. I’m not going to bargain with you if you won’t even listen to me!” “Okay. I’m glad we could come to an agreement.” I’ve been trying for the past few days to get new Bruntouchables t-shirts made because, well, the squad has grown. And while certain people aren’t my favorite (*cough*Harold*cough*), I still want to do something to show my appreciation for all of them. “Brian? … What are you doing?” Aram asks as he walks into the bathroom. Granted, it may seem a little odd that I’m standing on the toilet, but I’ve found that the service is best in this one corner of the bathroom. It’s hard to get good reception in a concrete box the government wants to keep hidden from the world. But anyways. “Oh, you know… Business,” I reply with a smirk. “Right,” he answers, backing out of the room. I send Stavros the picture of the design I want, then leave the bathroom. The real trick will be keeping this a secret from everyone… *Liz’s P.O.V.* “Agent Keen?” “What is it, Aram?” I ask. It’s always something. “Well, I noticed Brian acting really strangely, and I figured you could do something about it…?” I sigh, “I mean, I guess I could ask. Thanks for letting me know!” I approach Finch’s small workspace and say, “Hey, so a few people have come up to me and said you were acting weird, so… Is everything okay?” “Oh yeah, of course, why wouldn’t it be?! Just your normal, average day at the office, heh heh heh…” Narrowing my eyes I leave Brian to whatever he’s doing and go find Rebecca. If anyone knows what’s up with him, it’s her. “Ask Tom, he knows Brian better than me at this point,” Rebecca says with a hint of jealousy(?). “But, Tom’s my ex!” I gasp. She shrugs and resumes filling out some paperwork. I’m not really sure why she’s doing paperwork, we haven’t completed a case in months. “Tom....?” I ask cautiously as I walk over to where he’s become permanently stationed. “What is it Liz? If you’re asking to take me back, I’m not interested.” he says presumptuously. “Actually, I’m asking about Brian.” I reply with a scowl. “Oh… What about him?” Tom responds in a completely different tone of voice. “Do you know if he’s planning something?” I demand. “No. And even if I did I wouldn’t tell you.” “Fine. Oh, and by the way, Ressler is better in bed!” I snap before turning on my heel and flouncing away. The office goes completely silent. I make eye contact with Ressler before exclaiming, “I don’t take any of it back!” before filling out some “paperwork” (really I’m just doodling on the back of a case report form). “I disagree!” Brian shouts. The rest of us exchange glances as Tom starts sputtering out some excuse about how it was ‘one time.’ Yeah right.*Boyle’s P.O.V.* I’ve seen this look before. It’s Finch’s ‘I-have-something-planned-but-I’m-trying-to-keep-it-a-secret’ look. Hmm… Maybe I should investigate. Definitely not as a means of procrastination- this may be a matter of national security. “Hey, Rebecca?” I ask cautiously. She’s been in a bit of an odd mood the past few days. “What?” she asks, barely looking up from the paperwork she’s filling out. It’s funny, we haven’t completed a case in months! “Have you noticed Finch acting strangely the past few days? I’ve decided to investigate it, since we obviously don’t have any other cases to attend to.” “Maybe you should fill out some paperwork instead,” she replies icily, “Brian has replaced all of us with his new best friend.” I smirk, “Rebecca, are you jealous of Tom?” “No!” she snaps, “And don’t say his name! Look, he’s already coming over here!” “Hey guys, I heard my name. What’s up?” he says. Rebecca makes a lame excuse about needing to talk to Naz about some paperwork and leaves. Tom and I watch her walk away in silence. He looks at me quizzically, “Um, she knows we have no paperwork to fill out, right?” “I think it gives her the illusion of control in her life. And it’s probably a coping mechanism,” I reply. “Fair point,” he answers with a shrug. “So, what’s going on with Finch?” I ask, deciding to be direct. “You too? Like I told Liz, even if I did know, I wouldn't betray Brian’s trust. Probably. Depends on what you could offer me, I suppose,” he replies. I shrug, “Depends on what you know.” “All I’ve heard is that it has to do with pool noodles.” “Pool noodles?” I echo. “Yeah, it’s pretty weird. That’s really all I know. So, what do I get in return?” “The satisfaction of knowing that you helped in an investigation. And the knowledge that Rebecca is super jealous of your relationship with Brian.” He shrugs again, “Eh, I thought as much. Thanks anyways I guess.”Huh. Pool noodles. I wonder if it’s a sexual thing…*Navabi’s P.O.V.*“I heard it had to do with pool noodles,” I whisper to Aram. The two of us heard about Boyle’s investigation, and so we decided to conduct our own, since Aram does have some knowledge. No one ever thinks to ask us though. “Pool noodles?” He whispers back. “It’s Finch, what did you expect?” I reply. “Well… Fair point. What do we do now?” “I guess we start researching pool noodles.” *Brian’s P.O.V.* I don’t know why everyone’s suddenly whispering about pool noodles, but I can only assume that Tom did what I asked him to do- lie when people eventually asked him what I was doing. What a true friend.Three days laterStavros said that he put the shirts on an express delivery system, and so they finally came! I haven’t decided how to distribute them, though… I do know everyone’s addresses (for work reasons) so I guess I could just mail them. But where’s the fun in that? Hence, I got a t-shirt gun. Unfortunately, when I decided to purchase said t-shirt gun, I was at the office, and so the only place I could place the order for it was in the corner of the bathroom on top of the toilet. And Aram found me there. Again.“Brian? Why are you doing this again? Do you need some time alone?” “Yeah, that would be great,” I reply nonchalantly, before resuming my phone conversation, “Keep talking to me…” *Aram’s P.O.V.* I wander over to Boyle’s desk where he’s doodling in the margins of an extremely official looking document. “We have a surplus,” he states nonchalantly when he sees me looking at the paper. “Right… Anyways, I just walked in on Brian again… In the bathroom… During some kind of phone conversation… So, I guess what I’m saying, is that it, that is, the stuff with the pool noodles… It’s probably definitely something sexual…” “I called it. What I don’t understand though is why he’s being so uncomfortably secretive? And why does this have to come to the office?”*Tom’s P.O.V.* “So apparently you have a fetish for pool noodles,” I say to Brian on a coffee break. “I never realized that Boyle was the gossip queen around here, but honestly I’m not surprised,” Brian responds. “But… don’t you work with him in New York?” “Yeah, but you never really know someone until you go on vacation with them.” “Nothing about that statement made sense.” “That was kind of the point.” “So, is the plan a go?” “Yup.” *Boyle’s P.O.V.* Something is happening. Tom and Brian are whispering in the corner and nervously glancing around… That can only mean one thing… I have to confront them about the pool noodles before things get out of hand in the bathroom. I approach them cautiously, “Look, I know about the pool noodles. You don’t have to be ashamed-” “That’s really nice of you to say, but-” Tom begins, but he’s interrupted by Brian shooting me in the stomach! With a t-shirt? “What is this?” I demand, unrolling it to see the design. To my surprise, it’s a logo that looks a lot like the Bruntouchables one. Except that there’s a lot more people on it, and it says ‘Bruntouchables 2.0’ I feel tears of surprise and joy welling up… “Brian! This is so sweet! And… unexpected!” I exclaim. “This answers so many of my questions,” Aram states as he walks over to us. The office is slowly assembling at my desk as the loud popping of the t-shirt gun drew them over. I watch as Rebecca unfurls her t-shirt and smiles for the first time in days. I take a closer look at the design. Brian is in the center, and Tom and Rebecca are on either side of him. Heartwarming.
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*Reven’s P.O.V.* I can’t take it anymore. There have been reports for weeks, months even about the lack of work being done by this combined task force. I knew it was a risk to combine the two least productive task forces across the whole of the FBI, but the director insisted it was a worthwhile experiment. I guess it was more entertaining than reality T.V., but it was a waste of resources. And so, here I am to pull the plug on this operation. As I walk into the room, I hear a shouted “But we haven’t completed a case in months!” and I’m shocked to see that everyone- including Harold!- is wearing t-shirts with Bruntouchables 2.0 on them! That is not business casual! “Harold! I’m so disappointed in you!” I exclaim. Everyone looks up, shocked to see an actual authority figure, “Reven! You’re here!?” Liz exclaims as she frantically tries to throw on a suit jacket. “Obviously I’m here. Did you know that the crime rate has quadrupled in both D.C. and New York since we combined these two task forces?! I have one question for all of you: What happened?!” Reddington smirks, “I’m sure I can explain-” “Anyone but Reddington?” Naz sighs, “Well, you see… We all just became such good friends, and… We let our guard slip. I am so sorry, especially because someone *cough*Harold*cough* couldn’t keep their task force in check.” Harold gasps, “It’s not like you did much better! Let’s not forget that Brian was the one who more often than not got us off track-” “Actually I think that honor falls to Reddington,” Ressler unhelpfully adds. “Not to mention the fact that he constantly brings Tom here,” Harold continues, undeterred. “Wait, Tom is here?!?!” I exclaim. “Hey guys! I brought the donuts,” Tom says cheerfully as he walks out of the elevator. But, as soon as he sees me his face goes blank, “Oh. I swear, this isn’t what it looks like. These donuts are evidence for a case that they’re working on!” “Tomothy!” Liz chides, “I thought you were a better liar than that! Our marriage was certainly more convincing.” Ressler laughs, “Get rekt Tom!” My eyes narrow, “I think I’ve seen enough. This task force is officially disbanded. No loopholes. You will all be relocated as soon as I get back to the FBI headquarters.” “But how could you separate Tom and I?” Brian asks, aghast. “I can, and I will. This is a horrible interpretation of what it means to be a task force. You should all be ashamed of yourselves for letting down me, the bureau, and the American public. Expect your reassignment letters in the morning.” And with that, I storm out of the building. As I wait for a taxi, I take a few calming breaths, glad to have that over with. While I do feel a little bad for breaking up their… Friend group, it had to be done. No, I think. They’re a family. I climb into the taxi, and as I watch the city skyline rush past, a single tear falls down my cheek as I think about the heartbreak I caused, all in the name of duty and honor.*Third Person Omniscient P.O.V.* “...That was humiliating,” Navabi says, breaking the silence. “Ditto,” Ressler agrees. The former task forces sit around in silence for a while, until Brian comes up with an idea. “So, I was thinking: As one last rebellious act, instead of moping around, how about we throw a going away party?” “That’s perfect!” Rebecca exclaims. “I have an idea,” Aram suddenly says. Everyone but Navabi had kind of forgotten about him. “How about we do karaoke?!” “That’s a terrible idea, Aram! At least try to be constructive,” Resslerresponds. Aram retreats back to the fringe of the group while Ressler thinks for a second before stating, “I know! How about we do karaoke?” “That’s perfect!” Rebecca exclaims. “Umm… Rebecca?” Ike says hesitantly. “What?” asks Rebecca innocently. “Nevermind,” he replies hurriedly. Navabi’s eyes narrow, “Is no one going to say anything about Ressler’s dismissal of Aram?!” Tom shrugs as everyone quickly leaves to start setting up for the party. “It’s okay. I’m used to it,” Aram says as he and Navabi go find a karaoke machine. At the party “So, I drafted a sign up sheet for karaoke! Everyone write down your names if you want to participate!” calls Naz. However, to her dismay, the only person who signs up is Aram, with Death Metal Forever(?????????). Seeing the lack of enthusiasm, Aram climbs on top of a desk, “Come on everyone! Let’s have a fun last day together! I know for a fact that you all like to sing, so please, as a last kind act towards me, sign up for some awesome karaoke!” “... You know what. Let’s all let bygones be bygones- Liz, we’re signing up for karaoke!!!!” Ressler exclaims and proudly signs the two of them up.After that, everyone signs up for karaoke. It’s heartwarming (at least to Aram). The party is really more of a karaoke gathering, as the only food is an ancient bag of pretzels Harold found in his office, and the only decorations are crusty party hats that only Brian, Aram, and Ike agreed to wear.“Who wants to go first?” Naz asks, as somehow she turned into the DJ/karaoke manager. “Hello,” Aram says into the microphone, “Many of you may not know this, but I’m pretty into death metal music, so here goes. I wrote this one night after work to vent my feelings.”Suddenly, the karaoke screen flashes Death Metal Forever, and Aram launches into a surprisingly good death metal song. The lyrics are… interesting. He completely roasts everyone (except for Navabi), the most notable being: ‘The cars went SMACK, there was no use turning back; 'Cause I just had to see, was your small dick watching me?; In the mist the truth twists; Was all this swell, or just some kind of hell??!?!?!?!?!?! 69 is the number of the your small dick!!!!!!! RESSLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’” -and- “‘Infinity is the number of Communism; A smelly Capitalist nestled somewhere in time; A weak penis - no warnings, no signs; Judgment day and an obnoxious snake arrives; Eventually, they all commit crimes! HAROLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’”A stunned silence falls over the crowd. Ressler is extremely red. Harold’s head is inside a paper bag. Naz is applauding violently, and Navabi looks on with pride. Everyone else, after a few moments, start applauding and laughing with joy because of how accurate the roasts were.Next, with no hope of being able to follow that, Dembe steps up to the impromptu stage, “I’m going to be singing I’m Not a Loser from Spongebob Squarepants: the Musical with the accompanying tap.”“Wait, you can tap?” Boyle asks.Dembe nods, “Yeah. I got the understudy role for Squidward when I auditioned. Where did you think I was when we went to New York a few weeks ago?”“Dembe! I’m shocked!” Reddington exclaims, “You told me you were getting a haircut! You said that they could only do the style you liked in New York!” “I mean, I did get a haircut, but I was also auditioning for Squidward.” While Reddington keeps muttering about the lack of honesty from the people who work for him, Dembe starts the music and performs incredibly well. Everyone is shocked that he didn’t get Squidward, he’s that good.As he steps off the stage with raucous applause, Reddington states, “... Fine. I forgive you.”“For what?”“Betraying my trust.” Dembe sighs, but sits down, happy that his friends liked his performance. “We want to go next!” Ike says, standing and dragging Mike up to the stage.“Do we have to? It’s embarrassing,” Mike states. “Of course we do!” “Fine.” An upbeat song starts playing, a few people recognize it as Little Lamb from Alabama from Big Fish. Ike appears to be enjoying himself a lot, but Mike seems… In pain. “‘Hot damn who's a little lamb from Alabama; I’m a little miss praying for a kiss; Just a little lamb from Alabama!’”During the dance break, Mike says into the microphone, “I’m so sorry.”Meanwhile, Ike is break dancing. Everyone is both impressed and vaguely horrified. Once they’re done, Boyle approaches Mike, “Never thought I’d see that side of you, buddy.”Mike shrugs, “Yeah, well, Ike and I have a lot of down time during the day and he likes Big Fish, so. That was incredibly awkward.” Up next is Ressler and Liz with Sixteen Going on Seventeen from The Sound of Music. They seem completely unaware that neither of them is sixteen nor seventeen. Despite a passionate performance, they only receive a smattering of applause. After them is Navabi and Aram with the Connor and Evan part in Disappear from Dear Evan Hansen. They explain afterwards that they sang it because everyone always forgets them and no one deserves to be forgotten. It was rather sad, and everyone appreciated the song. It was beautiful.Reddington, surprisingly takes the stage next. With no build up, he picks out a song and prepares to sing. An electronic beat starts, and everyone immediately knows what song it is- Tik Tok by Ke$ha.“I wake up in the morning…” he starts to sing. There are stunned expressions across the task forces, and outrage only breaks out at the line, “Boys tryin' to touch my junk, junk; Gonna smack him if he gettin' too drunk, drunk; Now, now we go until they kick us out, out; Or the police shut us down, down; Police shut us down, down; Po-po shut us—”As the final notes wrap up, everyone is too shocked to react. Reddington drops the microphone and sits down in the audience as if nothing happened- but no one would ever forget what they saw.Boyle and Rebecca look at each other and take the stage, seeming very comfortable with the idea of performing. They must have practiced… Boyle selects a song and suddenly starts singing, “Hinesie. Hinesie. Hinesie…”The two launch into an impressive rendition of I’ll Never be Jealous Again from The Pajama Game. They had clearly rehearsed, and it was awesome, especially with Rebecca as Hines and Boyle as Mabel.“Okay, up next is… Harold and I !” Naz exclaims, seeming strangely happy about singing a song with her worst enemy. “We’ll be singing Anything You Can Do!” he declares. Ike gives them both a strange look, “You know that’s a romantic song, right?” “It’s not like that!” Naz snaps. Ressler coughs, “Sure it isn’t,” “I would never cheat on my wife!” Harold shouts, threatened, “She just cheated on me.” “Oh.” Everyone collectively exclaims. The music starts, and both Harold and Naz give a rousing performance. “‘Can you make a pie?’” Naz asks. “‘No’,” Harold replies. “‘Neither can I!’” Naz answers. Ressler snorts, “Not even a pot pie?”“BE QUIET!” Harold screeches. The song kind of dies off after that, as Harold completely lost his place, and though Naz tries to cue him he completely misses them.Still, the audience claps heartily as they take their seats, seeing as it was very entertaining. Besides that, everyone was in a generous mood since it was their last day together. Last, but certainly not least, Tom and Brian take the makeshift stage.“Okay, Tom and I decided to sing Ain’t No Mountain High Enough, because not only do we feel it describes our friendship, but our friendships with all of you! Let’s not let the dissolving of our task forces break up our friendships!” Brian exclaims.Tom scoffs, “We didn’t talk about any of that. I’m pretty sure you just made that up on the spot, but I can’t say I disagree.”Then they start singing. The others glance at each other because they sound good. It’s impressive. “‘My love is alive; Way down in my heart; Although we are miles apart; If you ever need a helping hand; I'll be there on the double; Just as fast as I can; Don't you know that there; Ain't no mountain high enough; Ain't no valley low enough; Ain't no river wide enough; To keep me from getting to you babe…’” Aram starts humming along and tapping his feet, and soon the entire combined task forces start singing and dancing around the office. As far as send offs go, this one is extremely wholesome. “You know, I never really liked karaoke before, but that was really fun,” Navabi comments. “DITTO!” Everyone shouts, before laughing and falling to the ground, much like the ending of an episode of Peppa Pig.
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*Third Person P.O.V.*One Month LaterBrian slams his face down on his keyboard. They’ve only been back in New York for a month, and he’s already sick of it! He misses D.C… Not doing anything, getting to make new t-shirts, Tom… No, he can’t think about Tom, because that means he has to think of some reply to the email…The FBI director ended up letting their respective task forces stay together, so long as they went back to being separate in D.C. and New York City. Reven was not too happy about that, and so banned all contact between them. It really was cruel, but Brian could understand that she wanted them to be productive… But he feels less productive now since all he can think about is the D.C. task force. Everything sucks. Okay, fine, he’ll reply to the email! But only because he can’t focus on anything else. Really, it’s what Reven would want him to do, the more he thinks about it… Plus, Tom isn’t even technically a part of the task force! He’s just some random guy with a boat who happened to partake in just about every adventure. So, he opens up his email on his fancy FBI issued computer, and begins a response. Dear Tom Keen, I miss you too buddy! Look, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I’m not quite sure how to phrase it. You already know that I’m not straight, but if you’ll remember that time that I said that I was on hardcore drugs, well. It wasn’t a joke. It’s called NZT, and it basically makes me super smart, and it gives everyone else who uses it terrible side effects, except for me, because of this vaccination I got, and anyways, it’s a pretty long story. I just thought you should know since we’re… I don’t know. Does it matter? Never mind, I wanted you to know that I got your email, and I hope that we can stay friends… Or whatever. Sincerely, BrianBrian reads over the email for any typos, and as he’s about to send it, Rebecca strides in. Even on NZT he isn’t fast enough to close the tab before she sees exactly who the email is addressed to. “Brian! Reven told us not to have any contact with the other task force!” she exclaims. “Pobody’s nerfect?” he asks, shrugging. She stares at him for a long moment before finally smiling, “You know what? Go for it. Besides, I just won a bet with half the office!” “Thanks Rebecca.” he says, “Wait, what was the bet?” “Nothing!” she responds, skipping out of his office.Brian scoffs as she leaves and before he can rethink it, he hits ‘send’. As soon as he does though, he feels dumb. Is he in middle school or something? But, sending the email did help a little, as Brian can concentrate enough to close a case that afternoon. It’s not until he’s back at home trying to go to sleep that thoughts of whether or not Tom will reply begin to take over his consciousness. The next day, Brian sprints into the office (surprising his coworkers), and Boyle shouts after him, “Why can’t you run like that when we’re on missions?!”, but Brian ignores him. He has bigger fish to fry. The computer takes longer than it ever has to start up, and waiting for his email to refresh is torture. Fortunately, there’s one email waiting for him. Unfortunately, it’s from RESSLER?!Yo Finch, I just wanted you to know that I know what you’re doing. I will be notifying Reven immediately. Enjoy your last day at the FBI!Love,Ressler But, before Brian can even process what this email means, another one pops up:Finch, So, Liz told me that if I tell Reven about your illegal contact with Tom I’d be destroying a beautiful relationship, and she wouldn’t talk to me for at least 20 minutes… So yeah, go for it! I won’t report you.Love you for real this time,ResslerBrian stares at his screen for a few moments before laughing and refreshing his email again. Nothing from Tom (yet). The rest of the day passes slowly, but productively. Two cases get closed, much to Brian’s relief, and Rebecca tells him that the FBI director told her he’s noticed their newfound efficiency. That bodes well for their task force. However, Brian’s good mood vanishes as soon as he refreshes his email, because there’s still nothing from Tom, even though he’s the one who emailed Brian in the first place. But it’s fine. Maybe he hasn’t checked his email yet… Or something. It doesn’t matter. Brian doesn’t need Tom in his life- It’s against the rules anyways.Thankfully, the day ends on a high note with the celebration of Stavros’ birthday. Boyle brought in cookies (which actually tasted good), and Naz gave him a nice mug. Once that’s finished and the rest of the office disperses, Brian decides to visit some friends on the floor below his. “Hey, Neal!” he says as he steps into the office and sees the other consultant.“Hi, Brian!” he responds with a smile.The two spend a few minutes getting caught up before Neal asks, “Is everything okay? You seem a little… Off.”Brian shrugs, “Oh, yeah, I’m great.”At Neal’s disbelieving expression Brian adds, “Okay, I’m not great. It’s just… This’ll sound dumb, but Tom emailed me yesterday, and I replied, but he hasn’t sent anything back…” Neal makes a weird face that Brian can’t quite decipher, and says, “Just give him a little more time. I’m sure it’ll work out.” Brian and Neal chat for a little longer before Neal has to go back to work. Peter is a lot more hardcore than Rebecca, and even Naz sometimes, so Neal usually works until about 9pm. Brian is glad he got Rebecca as his handler and not Peter. Brian leaves the office feeling pretty solid. He’s aware that relationships aren’t everything, and talking to Neal was cool, so he could be worse. That being said, broody thoughts are starting to seep in, so he walks a little faster, looking forward to going home and smoking his problems away. However, before he takes more than five steps out of the building, he sees a colorful sign. Not just any sign, but a sandwich board. With his name and face on it. Brian reads: “Have you seen this man?” on the board before finally noticing the person wearing it. Tom. He stares at Tom in shock before a wide smile appears on his face. Tom asks, “Hey, do you know who this guy is? I got his email, but I thought that coming to see him would be a bit nicer than a regular reply, you know?” “You’re so stupid, Captain Dreamboat.” “It’s part of my charm.” “Are we going to kiss or what?” “I mean I’m up for it.” “Cool.” Tom wisely takes off the sandwich board, and they both lean in. But before it can get too… Intense, Brian leans back and says, “Wait. We’re literally in the middle of the sidewalk. My place?” Tom nods, “Yeah. I hope you have pool noodles.” “Wait, seriously?!” “No, not seriously.” Later, Tom and Brian are cuddling in Brian’s bed when Tom looks over with a fond smile.“So… What should we call this era of our lives?”“What, you mean us or the task forces? Or both?”Tom shrugs, “Both.”Brian thinks for a moment, then smirks, “Limitlist.”