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Delve Into Us - Scott
It's like I was always in love with her.She was the first person I saw after weeks in darkness. Her green eyes were the first I met after days of just hearing her voice. She was the first person I saw smile up at me after such a long time. And she was so beautiful, a true, kind, redhead girl with the most pure and shy smile in this darn, cruel world.She was older than me, about six years. None of us or our friends cared. We fell for each other, hard. And it was great, we were the good kids that simply never got caught, she was always supporting and loving me. Being my right hand when I became the leader of the team. She was always there, to help me, to argue with me when I did something wrong or raise her voice at me when she knew I was right. She was the reason I was waking up every morning to face a world in shades of red and black. I may never saw her green eyes, but I didn't need to, I could feel them. I could feel her looking at me, calling for me, needing me. And she could feel me as well. Even before our bond built itself, we could sense each other.When this rare bond connected us, I felt like, for the first time, I could love and be loved in an entirely new level. I could hear her thoughts, I could see her fears. She could hear my thoughts, she could hunt down my demons. We could enter each other's mind's when we wanted or been allowed to. And it was wonderful, we didn't need devices and monitors. We had each other's minds. Her nightmares were mine, my happiness was hers. My fears were scaring her, her light was helping me.We had friends, Storm and Charles and others. But she was a different matter for me. She was my everything, her smile when she was waking up next to me every morning. Her happy sights after our encounters. Her tears when something was wrong with some kid in the school or because her powers were out of control. Her laughter when she was happy, her face when she had achieved something. Her concern when I was returning in the mansion, injured.She was what I needed. She was my universe.We were together for years. We never felt the need to get engaged or get married. We were both content just being together. We never lied to each other, we never really fought. We hadn't reasons to fight actually. She was always there for me and I was always there for her. We were meant to be together.And then He came in the mansion.And I knew we would be trouble from the second he set his eyes on her, my girl. He knew she was mine, he knew from the very first minute. He didn't care, for him it seemed like a game. He thought because he was older he could take my love away from me. I felt insecure. Not because I didn't trust her—because I – I was afraid of him. I wanted to be sure she wouldn't fell for him, they were both older than me and I forgot how much she loved me from the day she saw me.I asked her to marry me right after he left. She accepted happily. I realized she always wanted to be in a marriage, to have kids. Until then I had thought she wanted to be free so I never asked her but when I did, she accepted happily.I knew why, she was scared of herself. She was afraid of losing me and her balance. She was in love with me but at that time she was afraid of her reactions so she ran closer to me, assuring both of us she was mine. It hurt me, but I was her rock and I had to be there for her. I was there for her, when she had her nightmares. When she had convinced herself something bad would happen.She had been right.When I saw her out of the jet, trying to lift it up. I lost my mind. I was losing her, she was slipping through my hands and I could only watch her, getting smashed by the water. I could only watch the love of my life dying for me and a bunch of friends. She had made her choice, she had chosen me over Him. She had decided to be with me, she had decided to marry me, to be my wife, the mother of my children.And I could only watch her die.Like He did.We both lost her.I lost her.In my opinion, he just lost a shag. I lost my other half, my future, my life…And then, after days of pain and nightmares, of tears and darkness, of loosing the leadership of the team and my self in my sorrow. I heard her.Her voice calling for me, needing me, screaming for me, begging for me. And I ran, I ran to make sure she was gone. To make sure I wasn't getting mad.I found her. I knew something was wrong from the second I saw her. Her, her eyes, the eyes I first saw after years of just hearing people and things around me. She was there, confused, injured but alive. She was alive. I hugged her and she responded, happy to be back, I wouldn't accept the change I felt so evident within her. She wasn't the woman I loved, the woman I had made love to so many times. She wasn't her…She attacked me, I survived. When my team found me. I was alone in the lake she supposedly died. But she wasn't there. I had lost her once more. And this time, it wasn't death the one who took her away. But her own internal demon.Literally, Phoenix, her demon had taken her away.The one thing that always scared her the most. After the years of fighting back this thing. She was now facing it in all its glory and power. Her mind's wards had been destroyed. It was her or the Phoenix. The one thing she never wished to have inside her and the one thing which unleashed itself from her. Born from the deepest part of her mind.The next time I saw her, my heart stopped. I could see her body, her face, the features I knew so well. But her beautiful tall body with her self prisoner inside it was next to Magneto. The man who had tried to kill her and all of us many times before. She was part of his army, she was the most powerful and useful toy to him. She was the Phoenix and… she was an enemy. The woman I loved so much, like nothing else was now the one I had to fight.We tried to take her back, I tried to take her back. The Phoenix was too strong. We lost Charles. The Phoenix killed him and could have done nothing to stop her. None of us could… We just watched her killing him. We lost him. The one who helped us all but destroyed her was now gone, and the worst, Charles knew that one day the Phoenix would be unleashed. He knew it, and he couldn't do a thing about it. We always knew Jean was powerful and now with the Phoenix leading her, she was unstoppable. It was all up to Jean to stop the beast from overtaking her completely, and I wasn't sure my other half would make it.But she did, because the woman I fell in for was always a strong fighter..In Alcatraz she fought her own self. She killed people and she fought, harder than anyone else that night. I helped her, He helped her. Everyone tried. And she made it.The Phoenix was destroyed, but she was so confused and scared of everyone. Even me. And I had to try to take her back when she was so fragile, because deep down, she belonged with me and I belonged to her. She was like an empty shell, without light, without will, only guilt, pain and fear.For the first time, she was alone in her mind, just her, and that scared her, scared her of what Phoenix had done, of what she was able to do, of her own self.But for now, Jean was feeling alone and guilty about Phoenix's crimes. And none seem to be the one to help her. Not even me, even if I had been trying for hours and days and weeks…For now, she was alone and she needed to find her own way back to life, even if that meant she'd do that without me.
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Delve Into Us - Jean
I was always cut in the middle.I was always powerful. I knew it, Charles knew it. He tried help me. When he separated ways with Erik I followed Charles. Believing he could help me, I took the easy way, suppressing my powers, my nature, my self….After years in university and research, I became a doctor, for both mutants and humans. I became the right hand of Charles. My mentor, the one who at least bended my powers was like a father figure. I lived in the mansion for years, having boyfriends. None was good enough, none could help me hunt my demons. The demons I knew one day would be unleashed.And then Charles tracked him down, Alex brought him. A handsome man, a blind person who was screaming for help. A hunted person, someone like me…After days of trying and experimenting, Charles and Hank finally made glasses for him. He opened his eyes and his beautiful face was finally close to normal without the blindfold. He looked at me and I know that for the very first time he smiled at me truly.That made it, we became one. Our love blossomed so fast. Two halves of a whole were finally joined. He was an outcast, just like myself. He was angry with the world. I was afraid of my self. We supported each other like no other.We became one, one soul, one couple, one voice, one team. The two of us along Storm and Jubilee became the x-men under Charles' protection and help. We build a school for people like us. We saved our kind as the X-Men, we taught our kind as teachers and friends.My life was finally in a kind of peace. I believed my demons were finally prisoners inside my head, inside my heart. Scott was the one for me, to hold me, kiss me, calm me, listen to me. He was always there as I was for him. And for the first time I felt blessed in my life. After a traumatic childhood, after Anne's death in front of my eyes. After the start of my powers and the long lack of control on them. I was finally able to smile, because he was there, because I was with him. I was happy, I was peaceful, I could dream my life with him.Until He came in our lives.And from the first minute I saw him, I knew things would be deferent. I knew new storms were coming in our lives and were not results of Ororo's powers…When I was close to Scott, I was calmed, complete, happy, peaceful. When I was close to Him, I was feeling wild, like a monster in my chest was fighting to come in the surface, to break my happiness with Scott in tiny pieces. I was scared of that monster in my chest, because I knew there was another monster in my mind as well. And my mind's monster was much more dangerous than the new one.But I couldn't resist, he was a good guy, but not a nice one, he was cruel, mysterious, rough with everyone, but with me, he was smiling, no, smirking at first, then smiling. Trying to be the good guy I wanted to have close to me. He was my wild side, the side I had fought to keep down for all this time. He was the reason I would abandon anything for an adventure. But I knew adventures always came to an end…I knew who was my life's love. I know where I belonged.But things didn't turn out as I wished them to… After our mission in Liberty Island, I encountered new problems with my powers. And I knew, the wave of radiation had made one barrier collapse. I knew something had changed inside my mind, I knew She was trying again to take the control. I knew what was coming…I knew she was taking over the moment I was lifting off the jet, it was why I never let Kurt save me, for their sake, for everyone, I let the water crush me. The demon I was fighting for years to keep down was now free, because I let Her free so I could use my powers and save my friends and Logan, and above all, to save Scott. I could feel her taking the control I always fought to keep. I didn't just sacrificed my life, I tried to take her down with me.I didn't make it.She saved our body, she tried to imprison me in the place she was prisoner for all this time. And I was weak, all these years of fearing to face Her had left me crippled before her. She was strong, she was furious, she was part of me. She was the demon I didn't want to fight. She was the Phoenix.I fought her, but at the time, I was weaker, someone had to help me. He and Scott did it. But Phoenix killed Charles, my mentor, her creator.... She took her revenge, I fought her back. I tried to kill a part of my own self. And I made it. In Alcatraz, when she started killing and destroying. When I saw my friends trying to help me. When I saw Scott fighting me as an enemy and at the same time, trying to save me.They both proved their love and faith to me that night. They struggled and fought. I knew Scott was in love with me. But He helped me as well. I always believed he just wanted me to chose him over Scott, but no. Logan proved his love to me. Their love made me beat the Phoenix. Their love helped me win a part of my own self and mind. Their love made me return. Phoenix was gone, I was the winner, I was the one who survived even if a part of my self had died.I was finally alone in my mind, I could hear only my thoughts, I could use my powers, I could finally take my life in my hands. And that scared me, I was alone with the limit of my powers under my control, but Phoenix in my form had killed people, had destroyed so many things. Phoenix had killed Charles and so many more. And now I was alone, everyone was around me, everyone said I was not responsible of what happened.But still, I was feeling alone, no matter their hugs, their smiles. I could see fear in their eyes, fear of having me against them again in the future. I was scared as well, of being against them again, not as the Phoenix but as their old, good Jean.After weeks of fear, tears, pain, guilt and nightmares of what the Phoenix had done. After weeks of having both Scott closer to me than anyone else. After weeks of knowing he was trying to keep me alive and sane, I made my choices. Scott was always there for me, he always loved me, no matter what or who I was. He was the one who would always be there, the one who would never leave me because he was haunted by his personal demons.Logan was my wild side, the only one who could unleash my wild nature. The one who made my heart beat harder when he was angry or close to me. The one who woke the animal inside me. He loved me too, he loved me very much, I know that and I can't doubt it. But he didn't know me. He didn't see my nightmares, my image when I'm waking in the middle of the night and I'm screaming for Anne's death. And I was done with hearts beating faster and wild sides, I needed my peace and happiness, I deserved it.Now, months after the end of the Phoenix, things are much better, for all of us. The school is back to normal, or close to it. Scott is the Headmaster and Ororo and I are vice principals. Things are getting back to normal for all of us, Scott and I are having a new start, everyone is having a new start after the last hard two years.I know Logan will be hurt but there is life growing in me, life shared and made by Scott. That might drive Logan away again, but Storm seems happier in the past weeks, smiling at him more often, maybe we're heading for better days after all...