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The knock on the door brought me out of my thoughts. I had been siting on my couch all night after a failed attempt to get some sleep. The thing was I couldn't bring myself to close my eyes without seeing her laying in the hospital bed, holding on to whatever life she could grasp. Instead I had sat on my couch and gone through a lot of our old photos and videos, reliving those moments. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't broken down at least 5 times. I closed my laptop and got up, wiping a few dried and fresh tears from underneath my eyes as I made my way towards the door. "Who is it?" I spoke with a hoarse voice. Instead of an answer, there were rhythmic knocks on the door and I smiled to myself.Tom, I thought. I unlocked and opened the door. Tom stood in the hall, a sad smile on his face. He pulled my into a hug and I gladly accepted. Despite my sadness, I knew eventually everything would be alright, as long as I had him by my side. "Hey." He whispered in my ear. "Hi." I answered, my words slurred. He let go but held onto my arms, "We'll be ok." I smiled, so grateful he didn't say that I'll be alright or that it'll be ok. I was glad he knew we were in this together. "I know." I replied. And I did. I cleared my throat,"Anyway, come in. You can help me pick out the dress. I have it narrowed down to two. You can make the final decision," I said as I left the door and walked across the apartment towards my room. I was glad to do something I was familiar with. With everything changing, this was something we always did. Tom and Ashley and me always decided each other's wardrobe. We didn't care what others thought of our dressing, but unless it had the approval of the other two, it was not eligible. I stopped at the door to my room as I realised Tom didn't move from the front door. I looked over my shoulder, "You can come in, Tommy." He still didn't move. Instead he stood there, fidgeting with his hands, moving from foot to foot. He seemed nervous. I turned around to face him, "What's wrong?" He cleared his throat, "Jon called me today." I relaxed a bit. He was probably just stressing about his career, like always. "Oh," I said, "What'd he say?" He lifted his arm to scratch the back of his neck. I realised he was wearing a backpack. "Um... He called to...to, ehem," he cleared his throat again. "Tom," I spoke carefully. Something was wrong here, "What's wrong?" "Cassi, you know I would never hurt you right?" He looked in my eyes. "Of course." I replied without missing a heartbeat "And you know that no matter what happened I would always, ALWAYS be there for you." "Yes, Tom I know." "So you also know that if there was a reason I couldn't be there for you, it must be really important..." I didn't reply to that. Instead I searched his face. His movements were fidgety. His eyes were pleading, begging me to understand. I still had no clue what was going on. "Cassi, Jon wants me back for re-shoots." "Um... okayy..." I replied, still not seeing why he was stressing so much. "And I have to leave today," he continued. My heart sank a bit. He would leave today. Again. I tried not to be too upset. At least he'd be there at the funeral. But not gonna lie, I would be very upset and might even hold this against him. My vision blurred a bit as my eyes welled. I took a deep breath and spoke, "It's ok. I get it. You can leave as soon as the funeral is over." "Cass... I'm so sorry," he spoke quietly," but I have to leave now. My flight is in two hours." He dropped his gaze and stared at the floor. At that, my heart actually sank," W-What? You mean... you won't even be there?" "Cassi, I'm so sorry. Believe me when I tell you, I want nothing more than to stay-" "Then stay." I spoke firmly. I knew how important Tom's career was to him. And that made it important to me too. But today was important to me, and I was scared that I wouldn't make it through it without him." "I-I can't, Cassi." The tears escaped and trailed silently down my face as his words sank in. There was no way he was gonna leave me alone today. He took a shaky breath as his own eyes teared up, "If it was up to me, I'd stay with you for as long as I could. But it isn't up to me. The contract I signed said that I'd be available whenever they wanted me. I've tried to stay, Cass. Believe me I have. There isn't any other way-" "I don't care about your contract," I spoke loudly, anger slowly lacing my words," If it were anything else, I'd let you go. You know that. Your career matters to me too. But this is my best friend's funeral. She was my family. Hell, she was your best friend too. You can't possibly leave her today!" By the end, I was practically shouting. "You think I don't know that? You think this isn't important to me too?" "If it were you'd stay!" A dull ache started at the back of my head. "Cassi, I'm so so sorry-" I snapped. My hands started shaking. I couldn't believe he was doing this. I ran my shaking hands through my hair trying to compose myself. He couldn't leave. He can't leave me like this. I was a mess and I needed him. I didn't care he had a career at this moment. I just wanted my best friend, Tom. Not some Hollywood actor. I needed Tom. I tried to even my breaths. He didn't move from the door and I caught a glimpse of a suitcase just by his feet. I took a deep breath. I had to make him stay. I hated to do this, but I needed him right now more than anything. "Thomas Stanley Holland, if you walk through that door, you walk out of my life. It won't matter to me how amazing of a friend you've been. If you can't be there for me, especially right now, when I need you the most, you don't deserve to be a part of my life." Yes it was cruel. But so was leaving your best friend to cope with a loss all by herself while going away do to something that mattered only to you. His tears fell and a part of me ached to see him so upset, so vulnerable. But the better part of me knew that if he was a true friend, he'd support me when I needed him. "Cassi..." His voice broke and he looked away, not being able to make eye contact anymore, "Don't do this, please. I'm begging you." My own tears kept coming. I wanted to stop but I also wanted him to stay. I hoped that with something as important as our friendship on the line, he'd stay. So I repeated my words. "Thomas Stanley Holland. If you walk through that door, you walk out my life." "Im so so sorry, Cass. Please understand." "Thomas Stanley Holl-" My voice broke as he finally moved. A foolish and stupid part of me thought he'd budged and would finally walk towards me and hug me and tell me again that we would be ok. But he never came. Instead he turned the other way to grab his suitcase and looked back at me, "I hope you can forgive me one day." With that he walked out, closing the door behind him. He left. My Tom. He left me. He left me alone. How did I manage to lose two of my greatest friends under twenty four hours? A new kind of pain overtook me. It started at my chest and spread through me. I raised my hand to it as if that touch would take it away. It reaced my legs and they gave away. I fell to my knees as I whimpered. I sat there and mourned my two best friends. One who lost her battle to cancer. And one who preferred his career over me. I let out a scream as I fell towards the floor. A part of me died right there. I didn't have the strength to get up. It hurt. It hurt so bad. I screamed for him. I wanted him to come and comfort me. I wanted to see him. I wanted to say goodbye to Ashley with him. I couldn't do it on my own. I just couldn't. I lay there, pleadind and begging him to come back. But that door never opened.And I weeped at the fact that things would never be the same.