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"You ready?" Jaehyun peeked inside the door, his dimpled smile flashing with excitement.Taeyong looked up from his notebook. "Yeah," he nodded. "Let's go?""Let's go."Taeyong grabbed his mask and jacket and followed Jaehyun. It was Friday evening and even though a year ago, going for their customary Friday night dinners—a tradition they followed since their trainee days—would have been easy, nowadays it was a luxury. They had been forced to postpone their dinners, if not for schedule, then for various reasons that he didn't want to remember. As they walked across the living room, he sneaked a glance at Jaehyun who was pulling a cap low over his face. Okay so maybe, he felt more deeply about their customary dinners than Jaehyun but could he be blamed? There was never any personal space for them to talk and laugh like they used to. Not like the good old days, anyway. And he missed that.He opened the front door and stopped. "Jungwoo?"Jungwoo hugged him. "I came to pick you up, hyung."Taeyong looked sideways at Jaehyun, face reddening. "Uh, pick me? W-why?""Jaehyun-hyung," Jungwoo winked. "You look so handsome. Are you going somewhere?"His reply had a touch of steel. "I was but not anymore it seems." Jaehyun stepped back, looking mildly downcast before smiling again. "How are the dreamies? Still up to trouble?""I've got a perpetual headache but I think Ten hyung is close to jumping out of the window. Yeah, just a normal day at the Dream dorm. It's really quiet here. Have Johnny and Doyoung hyung already left? I was hoping I could ask Doyoung hyung for some tips before we sta—"“Uh, Jungwoo, sorry but I don’t understand…?” Taeyong interrupted. He could not bear to see Jaehyun putting up a forced smile while conversing as if nothing had happened.“Oh, you didn’t check your messages? Manager-nim had scheduled a meeting.”Taeyong frowned and fished out his phone from his backpocket. “I didn’t get any—oh wait, what’s this?”Jungwoo was happily chattering. “We’re going to perform a cover of Celeb 5, imagine! We’re going to be legends after this. Do you think we can ask for an autograph? I would love to get an autograph from them. Maybe a selfie too?”Jaehyun laughed. “I’m sure we can ask for both.” He leaned over Taeyong’s shoulder to look at his phone. “What’s happening?”“It’s a special NCT U stage, I guess.” Taeyong sighed. “I’m sorry but looks like we have to postpone.”Jaehyun nodded. “That’s okay. You go. Don’t worry.”Taeyong searched his face, worryingly. “Are you sure? Maybe I can—”“It’s not your fault. We can get dinner some other day. Have fun.”He wanted to say something. He opened his mouth but he really didn’t know what to say.Jaehyun patted his shoulder. “Go. You’ll get late and then, you’ll come back late. You haven’t been sleeping well as it is. I’ll manage.”As he made his way with a talkative Jungwoo who was excited with the whole Celeb 5 cover, Taeyong thought back to Jaehyun. If he wasn’t mistaken, he had seen a flash of something—disappointment? Anger? Helplessness?—flash over his face but then he had swallowed it down and smiled.He had been with Jaehyun long enough to know that the boy had two kinds of smiles. This one was the one they all had. Perfect, idol smiles—stage smiles, Doyoung called them. But then Jaehyun had this smile that just put the stars to shame. His eyes crinkled and his head leaned back and there were times Taeyong had to control himself from blurting some very embarrassing things that had the potential to ruin the easy-going yet deep friendship he had with Jaehyun.He sighed. Jaehyun was upset at their dinner getting postponed yet again. So was he. Sometimes it felt that the universe was moving at a different pace from him and he was struggling to keep up.No, he told himself firmly. He would make it up. If Johnny was also called for the meeting then it meant Night Night was cancelled. That meant Jae would be home when they got free. Their usual restaurant would be closed by then but he could fix up something special for him. He smiled at the thought and when he entered the conference room, he felt lighter, even excited at the idea of the cover they would be performing very soon.It was four long hours when they got free from the meeting. On the way home, he stopped the others pointing to a 24/7 grocery store. “I have to buy some juice cartons for the dorm. We’re running out.”Johnny gave him a knowing look. “Ah yes, of course.”“What?” Taeyong asked innocently.“Nothing, nothing.” Johnny laughed.Taeyong handed a couple of cartons to Jungwoo and Haechan. “Don’t be up too late. Rest well.”“Yes, Mom.” Haechan rolled his eyes, thinking about the Fortnite marathon he had planned with Jisung.Jungwoo waved. “See you all tomorrow.”Meanwhile, Yuta was busy complaining to Doyoung. “I’m going crazy thinking of what Taeil must be doing to poor Winwin.”“I’m pretty sure Winwin is totally fine,” Doyoung replied drily, texting someone. He had been subjected to all four hours of Yuta complaining about how TaeWin could happen while they were practicing and how life was unfair and how maybe Taeil planned this all along. By now, his patience was low.Johnny raised his eyebrows at Tae. “Got some grape juice especially for Jaehyun, I see.”Taeyong blushed. “Oh I didn’t notice. I thought they were all mixed fruit juice cartons.”“Yeah right,” Johnny snorted. “You know, everyone has started noticing how you bring grape juice for Jae.”“It’s just that it’s favourite,” he replied in a low voice, fighting to keep the smile off his face. “I felt sorry because we couldn’t go on our dinner thing once again.”“It’s not your fault,” Johnny said.“I know. That’s what he said too but he was upset. I could see it. He gave me a plastic smile!”Johnny laughed. “Quit acting like a possessive boyfriend. At least, save that for when you actually ask him out.”Taeyong elbowed him in the ribs. “Shush, he could be right behind the door!” He opened the front door and for a second wondered what he would do if Jaehyun was waiting for him on the couch in the living room.But it was really quiet.Yuta made a dash for his room only to find Winwin asleep and Taeil crying over some romcom.“Jaehyunnie?” Taeyong called out, in a low voice. He didn’t want to wake him up. However, Jaehyun was neither in the living room nor in his bedroom. “Taeil hyung, where’s Jaehyun?”“Oh he went out with Ten for dinner. They said they’ll be late. Something about Ten needing therapy after hearing Jisung’s video game’s music for hours.”Johnny caught the look at Taeyong’s face. “Tae—”Taeyong shook his head. “Well, I think I’ll turn in now. Headache.”“Taeyong, wait—”“I’m going to sleep. Good night, Johnny.”As he lay under the covers, obstinately trying to sleep, he felt horrified at the sharp jolt of jealousy he had felt when he had heard that Jaehyun was out with Ten. He couldn’t understand why he felt so miserable all of a sudden. He lay awake for hours and he heard the front door creak open as it always did around two and he quietened the urge to go and confront Jaehyun when he heard muffled laughter. Ten was probably staying over, he thought.He sighed and turned towards the wall. Johnny’s quiet breathing across the room was the only other sound. The last thing Taeyong thought before he drifted off to sleep was whether Jae had taken Ten to their restaurant.
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The next morning, Taeyong had thought he would stay in bed and sulk at how unfair things were until Jaehyun would come and tell him that he missed him at dinner or something. However, it was nine already and his stomach was crying for food. He had started to give up when someone bounded on to his bed, knocking all air out of him.“How are you still in bed and not waving a broom around?” Ten pulled off his covers, jarring the morning silence.“Ten, it’s too early for this kind of noise.” Johnny groaned from the other side of the room.Ten smirked. “What kind of noise do you think I should wake you up then?”Taeyong sighed, pushing Ten off himself. He couldn’t bear to see their flippant flirting so early in the morning, especially when he was supposed to be sulking. “Next time, please jump on Johnny and scream in his ear. I think one of my ribs cracked.”“No, you’re the special one,” Ten said, still smiling impishly.Johnny pulled Ten away. “Don’t, he’s nursing heartbreak.”“He’s what!? Wait, who hurt our Taeyongie? Heartbreal and his pretty face? Uh uh, error not found.”Taeyong couldn’t help but smile. He did throw his pillow at Johnny though. “Stop being Allkpop and spreading rumours. It’s nothing, Ten. Just a headache.”“I have a very good cure for headaches,” Ten began, winking seductively.“Okay, that’s enough. I’m going to see to breakfast.” Taeyong escaped.He was thinking of what was easy to make and wondered whether he could play the pity card and just ask Yuta to make some pancakes. He was craving pancakes ever since their last visit to America where he had tried some really good ones. It was a special recipe that he had wanted to request the hotel cook for but had been too shy to actually ask.He entered the kitchen and stopped. He blinked, and then blinked again.Because there he was.Jaehyun, poring over the stove, with his back towards him. He could see that he was turning around already, probably aware of his entry.Suddenly, Taeyong had an overwhelming urge to run back to his room and check his hair. Maybe put on a clean t-shirt. Why oh why had he slept in last night’s clothes?“Taeyongie,” Jaehyun said, smiling at him as he turned around.“J-Jaehyun.” Taeyong cursed himself inwardly for stuttering like that. What was happening to him? Okay so maybe Jaehyun was a vision in the morning light and maybe it was the way his hair shined, inviting him to touch it, to test its softness. And of course, he liked it when Jaehyun sometimes dropped the hyung, though he would never admit it. “You’re up early?”“I looked in before and you were sleeping. Yuta told me you had a headache last night so I thought I’d make you something good to eat. Just a second—”Taeyong walked closer to him, peering over his shoulder, already ready to eat even burnt bread if Jaehyun had made it for him.Jaehyun was still talking, “I didn’t get a chance to taste these but I hope they taste good.” He pushed the plate of raisin and ginger pancakes towards Taeyong. “Oh wait, here’s some honey you can put over them.” His ears were a little red and he was looking away, as if really interested in the honey jar.“These are…” Taeyong trailed off. He didn’t know what to say. He was surprised Jaehyun had remembered how much he had liked these pancakes, surprised that he had cared enough to make them for him, surprised by the blush spreading across his cheeks.“I asked the chef back in LA for the recipe after you said you liked them. It’s really not that difficult to make but I hope it tastes alright. I’d hate for you to be disappoint—”Taeyong smiled. “Jaehyun, thank you.” He reached up to ruffle his hair like he always did—“Is that pancakes I smell? Woah, I was really hungry.” Yuta sauntered in with an arm around Winwin and Taeyong and Jaehyun jumped apart. Later Taeyong would wonder why, it wasn’t as if they were doing anything. He filed away the thought under that special place in his mind that always wondered about Jaehyun and their little things.Winwin took the plate from his hands and soon everybody was eating and commending the pancakes. Taeyong caught Jaehyun’s eye and smiled at him. Somehow, he knew Jaehyun understood that it had meant a lot to him. He promised himself that next Friday he would take out Jaehyun for their customary dinner and emboldened by the surety of this decision, he decided that if everything went fine, he would tell Jaehyun finally. He would tell him honestly that he had a huge crush on him since ages.By Friday, he had worked himself into a huge bundle of nerves and had blurted out his plan to Taeil who was now comforting him with cheesy advice. “Just kiss him. Always works in the movies!”“Taeil!”“What? It does.” Taeil laughed. “You’ll be fine. I’m pretty sure he likes you.”“He likes me as a friend,” Taeyong said, rolling his eyes.“Yeah and Donghyuck likes Mark as a friend. Do you realize how preposterous you sound? Just get dressed, wow him and go for the kiss. I’m telling you, you’ll be thanking me later.”And so one a.m. found them waiting in the living room, tired and bored by staring at the clock. Taeyong’s dress shirt was crushed and he had made his jacket into a pillow over which he was lying, legs sprawled across a half-asleep Taeil.“He isn’t coming,” Taeyong whispered.“Well, where will he go? He lives here. Besides, Johnny is with him.” Taeil yawned. “What did his message say?”“That the Night Night guest took everyone out for dinner but he would try to slink away. That was an hour ago.” Taeyong sat up. “Do you think he somehow found out I was going to ask him out and that’s why he is staying away. I told you, Taeil, this is so one-sided. I shouldn’t have even thought of telling him. I’m such an idiot.”Taeil shook him. “Taeyong!? I think you’re losing it. He doesn’t know that you planned something. He probably thinks this is one of your routine dinners. You can’t conjure up a worst-case scenario from nothing.”“You know what I hate? I hate this feeling of liking him so much that I think I’m going to burst while I have no idea what he is thinking of. We used to be so close. I could tell what he was thinking by just glancing at him but nowadays, I feel like we keep getting distant. This is the third Friday night that’s been a failure.”“Weren’t you the reason the other two dinners were cancelled? Seriously, you’re overthinking this,” Taeil said.The bell rang.“Shit, they’re here. Quick pretend we’re sleeping!” Taeyong whispered.“But if we’re on the sofa won’t it seem like we were waiting?”Taeyong froze. “You’re right. Come along.” He dragged Taeil to his bedroom.“Why am I in your room? Shouldn’t I be in mine if we’re pretending to sleep?”Johnny’s loud voice announced that they had entered the dorm. Taeyong looked around. “Uh, just lie in Johnny’s bed for now?”“No way am I doing that,” Taeil replied, crossing his arms across his chest.Taeyong pushed him towards the bed and jumped under his covers so that when Johnny and Jaehyun entered the room the next second, everything looked quiet.“Why is he sleeping with the lights on? Told you he would be waiting,” Johnny was saying. “Wait, who is in my bed? Taeil hyung!? Well, I guess, I’ll have to sleep in his room tonight. Be sure to make it up to Taeyong in the morning. He must be disappointed.”Taeyong’s heart was hammering as Johnny’s footsteps retreated. He knew Jaehyun hadn’t left the room and as footsteps approached his bed, he tried to calm his heartbeat. Surely, Jaehyun would hear that he was awake. He closed his eyes tightly as the footsteps stopped beside his bed. Gentle hands tucked in his blanket properly. There was a pause and then Jaehyun walked away.
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Jaehyun was folding clothes out of the drier while listening to Winwin telling him about his mother worrying about him.“I told her I have two overly obsessive roommates who care about me too much and she laughed!? But I think it calms her down to remember that there are people here who care about me. It must be tough for her.”Jaehyun hummed in response.“Oi.” Winwin waved in front of him. “You’re supposed to show me some sympathy here? Maybe offer me some ramen? Hey, hey, those aren’t even your clothes, right?”Jaehyun looked at the clothes in hands and nodded slowly. “Taeyong’s so busy and I was doing my laundry anyway.” “You guys are so domestic,” Winwin teased. “It’s really cheesy.”Jaehyun looked around wildly before whispering, “Winwin-ah, you’re too loud. Someone will hear you.”“Nah, quit being so paranoid. We’re the only ones here. Taeil hyung already left to look after the Dreamies today.” He laughed. “I would pay some good money to see that. They are exceptionally hyper around him.”But Jaehyun wasn’t even listening. “He looked so good this morning,” he murmured almost absent-mindedly. He looked at their TV which was playing the Music Core live stream. “I can’t believe we have to wait so much for the performance.”“You know all of us would be spared the crackling sexual tension between you two if you guys actually talked. Don’t you think it’s been really long?”“You just say that because you’ve watched too many of those videos our fans make.”“Jaeyong videos are no joke, man. If it wasn’t for that one czennie at the fansign last year, I wouldn’t have known. You guys are really subtle but once one sees it, it becomes so obvious.”Jaehyun groaned. “We can’t just believe whatever we want about Taeyong, right? After all, I have no idea what he feels about me or even the idea of us. He hasn’t said anything, ever, and I am not going to say anything until he says. It would be so uncomfortable. Besides, I’m really bad at expressing my feelings. I’d probably end up saying something wrong. What if—”“Jae, Jae, you worry too much. I keep telling you to just allow Ten to weed it out of Johnny. I’m pretty sure Johnny knows what Taeyong feels or could potentially feel.” Winwin wiggled his eyebrows.“If I had to get it out of Johnny, I would have asked him myself. No, I’m just going to wait. If it’s meant to be, it will.”“Things don’t happen on their own. See, Ten and I have this plan. It’s a foolproof plan,” Winwin started.“Is it like the one you guys planned where you pushed me onto him last week? Because I nearly kissed him there while he froze. No, seriously, you two make horrible plans. He’ll end up bro-zoning me like this.” He added wistfully after a few seconds, “Maybe I should have kissed him there.” He looked at Winwin with a sudden brightness. “Maybe I should kiss him. No words involved!”“Dude, life isn’t like the movies. You can’t just kiss him. There won’t be a background choir and rain. You need to plan these things. It needs to be special.”“It works in the movies!” Jaehyun complained.Winwin made a face. “Will you listen to Ten and my plan?” When Jaehyun didn’t reply, Winwin sighed. “Okay, let’s go.” He grabbed his friend’s hands.“Woah, where are we going?” Jae said, following him.“I hate it when you mope around the house. Let’s just go see them. I really wanted to see Yuta dance live too.”“Speaking of Yuta,” Jaehyun began.“We are discussing your love life, not mine.” He rolled his eyes.“Till when will you ignore your own feelings?”“We’ll get late if you gossip like this,” Winwin said dismissively but he was smiling.“Let me grab a jacket, at least.”They reached the venue, sneaking in with their manager’s help.“You guys could have just come with us in the morning,” their manager said.Winwin smiled cutely. “We wanted to surprise them.”“Oh that’s why you were all hush-hush. Okay, kids, just see that you are on the low. And don’t get lost!”There were still a couple of performances which they watched from the side-lines, doing their best to stay out of their members’ way.“Oh, there they are,” Winwin whispered. “Do we look that cool? This is so exciting.”Jaehyun nodded, with a proud smile on his face, his eyes focusing on Taeyong’s serious expression. He was breathtakingly beautiful and the way he moved was flawless. He was ashamed to realize that he hardly paid attention to the song. His attention was arrested by Taeyong and his personality. He knew Taeyong was his happiest on stage, performing his heart out with a confidence that was so unique to him and to see him perform made him happy.As the song was ending, someone tripped over one of the lighting wires and crashed into him and Winwin.The lights blinked on and off once before lighting up again.As he got up, he recognized the person. “Ten?”“What are you two doing here?” He grinned, cradling his camera, looking it over for any damages.Jaehyun quirked an eyebrow. “What are you doing here?”“I told Johnny I’d take lots of pictures of him. I’m being a supportive friend here.” Ten patted himself on his back. “He’s really sexy today.”There it was. Jaehyun wished he had half of Ten’s confidence but then Johnny was just as vocal while here he had to pick up hints from Taeyong which he wasn’t even sure were right in the first place.He lifted his head when he heard the crowd clapping and he realized they had ended up missing the end of the performance and suddenly they were surrounded by their members.“Who tripped over the wires? I thought I’d burst out laughing when the lights began to twinkle,” Haechan was asking.Yuta made a bee-line for Winwin. “You came.”“I was getting bored at home,” he replied nonchalantly.“Guys, guys, Celeb 5 are performing. Shush,” Doyoung whispered as their manager made a sign to them.Jaehyun looked sideways. Taeyong was pressed against him, still breathing heavily from the performance.Taeyong caught his stare and smiled at him. “Did you like the performance?”The way his hair flowed down his forehead, the angle of his nose, his lips. Jaehyun realized he was staring and gulped, looking away as he answered, “You were really good. You all were. Yeah.”“When did you all plan to come?” Taeyong leaned even closer to whisper. Jaehyun could feel his breath on his neck and it was doing weird things to his mind.He replied, his throat dry, “Uh, it was kind of last minute.”Taeyong smiled again. “Well, I’m glad you came.” He bumped shoulders with him. “I just realized how beautiful this place is.”Jaehyun never took his eyes off him. You, you are beautiful. “Yes, it is.”Later when they were all talking over lunch, he was sitting opposite Taeyong, smiling at some joke someone had made and his phone pinged. He looked at the screen—
“You’re drooling over Taeyong hyung again.”
He nearly choked over his pizza, looking at the message and then at the contact name, Donghyuck. He looked over to the edge of the booth where Haechan and Mark were giggling at him. He felt heat rise up his face and looked away quickly, running a hand through his hair.Haechan had a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Jaehyun hyung?”“Uh yeah?”“Don’t you think Taeyong hyung danced really well today?”Jaehyun was aware that suddenly everybody at the table was listening to their conversation. Awkward, he thought, mentally praying everyone to just go on with their respective conversations. He cleared his throat, pretty sure his face was the colour of a tomato. “He always dances well.”Taeyong laughed a short, nervous laugh. “Haechanie, you beat everyone today. You are something else.”“Really, you were so cute! You should have heard the audience cheering for you,” Mark agreed, excitedly.The conversation veered towards Haechan’s expressive dancing style and when Jaehyun finally found the courage to look up, Taeyong caught his gaze and smiled warmly.“You okay?” he mouthed.No, I am crazy in love with you. Jaehyun nodded but before he could say anything, Ten was shaking his arm, asking him about the name of the restaurant they had gone to.“It’s such a cosy one, John. We should definitely go sometime. What’s it called, Jae?”He told him the name. It was his favourite restaurant too. He had a lot of memories there. Back in their trainee days, Taeyong and he had chanced upon it and it had become one of those calming places they would frequent.Opposite him, Taeyong heard the exchange and his smile dropped. He pushed back the slice of pizza in his hand. Suddenly, he wasn’t hungry. So, Jaehyun had taken Ten there.He wished he didn’t feel so wretched about it but it was their place. The only place he could call theirs and now, even that felt like it was just something he had imagined. He got up. “I’ll head back early. I have some lyrics I have to finish.”Jaehyun was staring at him. “Wait, I’ll come too.”“No.” It came out sharper than he had expected. “You stay here and uh, I’ll see you at the dorm. I’ll pay the bill. You all eat well, okay? Good job today.”It was Doyoung who caught up with him outside the restaurant. “Is everything okay? Want me to accompany you?”He shrugged. “If you want.”
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“Dude, you so dead now.” Haechan messaged him.Jaehyun was stumped. He had seen Taeyong’s abrupt exit and had felt slighted after being refused to accompany him but how was any of it his fault? He nudged Ten. “What just happened?”“Huh?” Ten murmured, not even making an effort to tear away his gaze from Johnny’s face.“Ten, some help here?”“W-what?” Ten finally asked.“I’m going to the washroom.”“Okay.”Jaehyun repeated pointedly. “I’m going to the washroom.”“So? Oh, secret meeting time. I see. You go first, I’ll follow.” He winked, conspiratorially.When Ten came to the washroom, Jaehyun was pacing around. “Did I do something wrong?”“I don’t know. Did you?” Ten replied. “Is it the food? Are you feeling sick?”“I am asking about Taeyong. Ten, pay attention.”“Oh, that. Didn’t he say he has to write some lyrics? Don’t be so clingy, Jae. He needs to finish songs for the comeback.”He nodded, slowly. “Yeah, he must be stressed. I wish he had let me walk him home though.”“Oi, you guys didn’t call me for the meeting!” Winwin walked in, looking mildly pissed off. “Didn’t we agree I am the brains here?” He turned towards Jaehyun. “And as for you, what the hell? You should have followed him.”Jaehyun looked downcast. “He clearly told me not to. You didn’t see his face. He didn’t want me with him.”“You’re so dense. One of these days, someone else is going to whisk Taeyong off his feet and then, you’ll be the one to blame. Let me tell you right away, all I’ll offer you is a box of tissues and an I-told-you-so.”Ten stepped in between them. “Guys, guys. This is getting too hot. Let’s just—”“Winwin-ah, what’s happening?” Yuta waltzed in with a smile. “Are you all planning something?”“No, Jaehyun is just being an idiot and Ten isn’t helping!” Winwin said. “Let’s go finish dessert.” He took his hand and walked out.“Wait a sec, why am I getting blamed?” Ten groaned.Jaehyun was relieved when they finally decided to call it a day and headed back to the dorms. He made a point to follow Johnny to his room, hoping to catch a glimpse of Taeyong so he could gauge the problem but the lights were off. He was asleep, already. So much for finishing lyrics.He decided to wait till morning. However, confused thoughts kept plaguing him and when he heard someone moving around in the kitchen in the early hours of the morning, he got up from bed, his eyes puffy from lack of sleep.“T-Taeyong hyung.”Taeyong was picking up some shopping bags and he nearly jumped with surprise at hearing his name. “Oh, it’s you.” He looked at Jaehyun’s tired eyes. “Tough night?”“Are you heading out?” Jaehyun asked quickly.He nodded. “Going to the grocery store and if the bakery opens by that time, I’ll order Jaemin’s cake.”“I’ll come along,” Jaehyun said, hurriedly.Taeyong shook his head. “You look tired. It’s still early. Go catch some sleep.”Jae felt something drop inside his heart. He watched Taeyong step out of the door and rubbed his eyes, pushing away his hair. Why do you keep walking away? He was pouring himself a glass of water when he suddenly remembered Winwin’s words.Taeyong was stepping out of the building wondering if he had been right to reject Jaehyun’s offer yet again. He told himself, until you get a grip over your feelings, you should watch how you behave in front of him. You don’t want him to feel unco—“Taeyongie! Wait up.”His eyes widened as he turned around.This seeing Jaehyun in the early morning sunlight really wasn’t good for his heart. How was his poor heart supposed to survive this rush of feelings, this exhilaration and pure happiness that he felt whenever he saw him?I’m dreaming. This is a dream. Of course, it’s a dream.However, Jaehyun’s voice forced him to take stock of the very real scene. He was heaving from having run downstairs but he smiled when he said, very decidedly, “I’m coming along.”Taeyong couldn’t help but smile back, forgetting all the promises he had made himself last night. “Come on, I’ll buy you some of your favourite grape juice.”
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Jaemin’s surprise birthday party was in full swing and after ages, Taeyong felt happy and content, sitting sandwiched between Jaehyun and Johnny. They were all playing a very Haechanized version of Charades which basically meant a lot of suggestive, inside jokes along with the poor acting out of clues.He leaned his head on Jaehyun’s shoulder, cherishing his carefree laughter. Closing his eyes, he could pretend it was just the two of them. The pain behind his ribs seemed to subside and the day’s tiredness made his eyelids heavy. He was drifting off to sleep when he felt the slightest touch of a hand caressing his hair softly.A burst of Chenle’s laughter forced him to open his eyes and he straightened up slowly. He sneaked a glance sideways but Jaehyun was looking ahead with an impassive smile, following Jungwoo’s clues, but his arm remained behind Taeyong’s neck, cushioning him, fingers playing with loose strands of his hair, almost subconsciously.Later, after a painful game of Yaja time, they were still on the couch and Jaehyun said, “You should sleep well. You look really tired.”“Have you seen yourself?” Taeyong joked. “You look like a zombie, an aristocratic zombie but still.”Jaehyun laughed. “I was going for the look.”They fell into a silence that was easy to begin with but became increasingly excruciating. Taeyong cleared his throat. “I’d better clean up before someone steps into that bowl of half-eaten ramen.”Jaehyun grabbed his hand and pulled him back. “Kun will do it, chill.”“Yeah,” Taeyong said, hoping to keep the nervous tremor out of his voice.“I was thinking…”Taeyong nodded, urging him to go on.“About the pending dinner, you want to go tomo—”Taeyong’s phone rang shrilly. He squinted at the screen and his expression lit up. “Give me a sec.”Jaehyun let out a breath, watching him walk out on to the balcony.“So…” Ten said, making a beeline for the space vacated by Taeyong. “I see someone getting all touchy-feely.”Jaehyun blushed. “Go to hell, Ten.”“And put Satan out of business? I’ll pass, thanks,” he said. “But enough about me. Am I seeing things or were you making a move finally?”“I was just lending some support to a friend who was tired,” Jae replied, averting his eyes.Ten quirked an eyebrow. “Really? Well, I am tired too. Lend me some of that support.” He laughingly tried to lean on Jaehyun’s shoulder.“Yeah, come here. Let me give you some support.” Jaehyun lunged at him, both of them laughing.“Ten, did you see my camera? I can’t find it,” Johnny called out from a corner of the room.Ten groaned. “Didn’t you just have it in your hands? Wait, let me find it.”Taeyong slipped back. His tiredness had gone and he was smiling as he texted someone rapidly.“You seem happy.” Jaehyun grinned. “Is it your Mom?”“No, it’s Seungcheol,” he replied, happily. “Remember the Dispatch photoshoot we had? Some of them are meeting up over dinner tomorrow. Apparently, there’s this really good movie. I can’t believe they thought of inviting me!”“Of course, they would invite you,” Jae said. “You’re amazing. They’re lucky to have you.” He watched Taeyong, eyes lit up with excitement, sending a slew of emojis on the groupchat. He realized with surprise how Taeyong must have really wanted friends. Being a leader sure took a lot of toll on people. He decided that he would ask him for dinner later. Seeing him happy was enough.“So, you aren’t jealous?” Winwin asked him when he told him over breakfast the next day.“Why would I be jealous? I’ve never been jealous in my life,” he said, a bit haughtily.Winwin looked him over. “That’s good then. Jealousy is dangerous.”Yuta came up to them. “Winwin-ah, did you seriously agree to watch a romcom with Taeil tonight? It’s anime night!”Winwin turned to Jaehyun with a pointed look.Taeil laughed from his room, evilly.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Taeyong was sitting in a corner of NCT's prep room backstage, doing his best to pretend that he was most interested in his phone when in reality he couldn't help but send glowering glances towards Jaehyun across the room, every few seconds. In the week leading up to their Osaka performance for A-nation ‘18, he had noticed Jaehyun slowly distance himself from him yet again.At first he hadn't noticed it, there had been the movie with Seungcheol and the others, then the flower show they had gone to and it was all so exciting, making new friends and trying out different coffee shops with them. It had been a rare week of laid back schedules and he had actually enjoyed himself immensely.In fact, he had done nothing to piss off Jaehyun at all. He hadn't even said much to him. So, for Jaehyun to pointedly choose sitting with Johnny on the plane and then later, opt for Doyoung as a roommate was totally baseless. He had told himself that he wouldn't mope over this. No, two could play at this game of being aloof.The only problem was that he just had a really weak resolve because only this morning, he had blurted, right in front of Jaehyun, to the waiter that Jaehyun liked grape juice instead of the apple juice that had been poured out for him. He wished he was as strong as him, so that he too could joke around with others while appearing totally nonchalant.Like right now there Jae was, looking gorgeous with his fluffy lilac hair, laughing along with Haechan and Mark while not even looking towards him!? Taeyong didn't understand what came over Jaehyun every now and then. How was he supposed to know what Jae thought about him if he continued to be this way?"Let's go, guys. We're next," Doyoung called out.When they were standing on the wings, waiting for the go signal, Jaehyun spoke up, "How's Seungcheol, hyung?"Taeyong frowned. Why ask about him at this moment, here of all places? "Wha-?"The music started and before he knew they were already performing. He pushed the thought to the back of his head as he sang and danced, making a mental note to confront Jae later.Later during the ment, Taeyong was rapping off all the Japanese he had learnt to thank the fans and converse with the other members. Jaehyun watched him talking animatedly and his heart clenched when he recognised that underneath all the excitement, Taeyong was heaving from exhaustion. It was probably a combination of the heat and his recurring knee injury. He had worried about this last night.
"Winwin-ah, could you make sure Taeyong hyung uses the heatpad before sleeping? I think his knee injury is acting up again."
Winwin nodded. "I'll do that but umm, Jae, why are you ignoring Taeyong hyung?"
"I'm not," he replied, defensively.
"Okay, I know it's none of my business but it's becoming really obvious. Even the fans are beginning to notice. He must be wondering what's up too."
Jaehyun scoffed. "I doubt. He has his Seungcheol. He's too busy to remember the rest of us."
Winwin tutted. "I thought you weren't the jealous type."
When he didn't say anything, Winwin patted his back. "It's okay, happens to the best of us."
Jaehyun looked away. "It hurts, okay? He's my closest friend and sure, he's busy all the time but I just--I don't want to feel this replaceable, okay? He no longer remembers that we have plans. He's just somewhere else. I don't want to be the only one hanging on to this. I'd like to walk away before he cuts me off, you know? So no, I haven't been ignoring him. I've just been giving him space. He needs it anyway."
"Sounds quite like jealousy." Winwin said but his face was lined with sympathy.
Jae laughed ruefully. "That's because you're just an idol, not a philosopher, idiot."
"At least, my English is better than yours."
"No, it's not."
"You know it is."
"What has English got to do with this argument?"
"Winwin-ah, want to grab some ice cream with me?" Yuta asked, walking up to them. "Oh is it secret discussion time?"
Winwin smiled. "It's getting over. I'm coming along."
Jaehyun made a face. "I hate how perfect you two are."
"You said you didn't get jealous!" his friend laughed.
Taeyong was breathing heavily but he was smiling at the crowd, happy to have made the audience happy. "Everyone, are you alright?"Jaehyun just couldn't help it, the instinctual worry that guided his lips irrespective of the fact that they were onstage. "You okay?"Taeyong stopped, his eyes wavering, shock evident on his face. Their eyes met for the briefest of seconds and Taeyong smiled shyly before answering, "Yes, I am."Jaehyun's lips were forming the word good.And then Yuta was talking to the audience. Their moment was lost amidst the euphoria onstage.Backstage, Taeyong was the one who sought him out. "Hey, you okay?""Me? Yeah, I'm alright." There was a burning silence and suddenly Taeyong was regretting seeking him out like this. He was aware of Johnny staring at them, aware of the staff member waiting for them to move out of the way, aware of how his heart was battering against his chest."Uh, you want to grab an ice cream with me?" Jaehyun's voice was so low that Taeyong wouldn't have heard the question if he hadn't been hoping restlessly for a word from him.His eyes lit up and he bumped shoulders with Jaehyun. "I would love to. My treat, okay?"As they walked to the parlour, he hesitated. Something was changing between them and he wanted so hard to hold to what they had. He wanted the easy, comfortable relationship they always had. The one where they knew exactly what was going on in each other's minds. The one where he didn't have to hesitate.Beside him, he could see Jaehyun's mind was somewhere else too.He took a deep breath and slipped his fingers through Jaehyun's, holding his hand. "Tell me what you're thinking?"He felt Jaehyun's fingers stiffen and then relax as a dull flush spread through his neck to his ears. He smiled, looking at his feet. "Taeyong," he said."Yeah?" Taeyong smiled encouragingly at him."I..." He closed his fingers around Taeyong's, gazing back into his concerned eyes. "Take care of your knee. I-I was so worried."Taeyong looked taken aback. "Is that...ah, Jaehyunie, you worry too much. I'm fine. It's nearly healed by now."Suddenly, almost imperceptibly, something eased between them and this time when they walked in silence it was a warm, comfortable silence, a silence that had the possibility of something more.They stopped in front of the ice cream parlour."How quickly do you think you'll get free tomorrow?" Taeyong asked.Jaehyun grinned. "Why? What do you plan to do with me?"Taeyong reddened, flustered. "D-Dinner. I mean, dinner at the usual place? It's Friday.""Yeah, yeah, I would like that.""Good.""So...which ice cream are you buying for me?" "Go find a table,” Taeyong said. “I'm going to surprise you."Jaehyun raised an eyebrow. "Okay, just don't drop it on yourself this time.""That was one time," Taeyong said, innocently.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Taeyong stared at the clock with a set expression.Taeil, sitting beside him on the sofa, saw his expression. “Taeyong,” he began warningly.“No,” Taeyong got up, taking off his jacket. “This is it. I am so sick of this. If he doesn’t want to have dinner with me, he should have just said so.”“He’s busy, Tae,” Taeil said, reaching for his hand. “Things happen. Let him explain.”“He’s not busy. Night Night didn’t even happen today. Everybody is out having fun while I’m here wasting yet another Friday night waiting and waiting, as usual.”Taeil laughed, trying to lighten the mood. “Not everybody is out and about. Doyoung is sleeping in and Johnny is practicing. I wonder where Yuta and Winwin are though.” “They’re probably out having fun like other normal people!” Taeyong said.His friend sighed. “What did Jae reply?”“I didn’t text him. Why should I text him as if all I have to do is sit around, begging for his attention? Can’t he just be on time for once? You know what, I’m going out.”“Taeyong, Taeyong, wait, let me call Johnny. He’ll know what to do.”Taeyong rubbed his eyes and sat down. “I was so excited for tonight. So excited.”The living room was quiet.“Come on, let’s go to your favourite restaurant. My treat,” Taeil said, softly.“I appreciate what you’re doing but seriously I am in no mood for pity. Just go sleep,” Taeyong replied, laying back on the sofa, covering his eyes with an arm.Taeil stood up. “Have something to eat at least.”“Go away.”Taeil went to his room and looked around, wondering what to do. He picked up his phone and scrolled to Jaehyun’s number. In the early days when no one else, not even the two themselves, had realized what was happening, it was Taeil who had noticed how much Taeyong and Jaehyun enjoyed spending time together. It was Taeil who had told Taeyong to go for it, knowing that Jaehyun would take ages to say something. And it was Taeil who listened to all of Taeyong’s worries about Jaehyun. He had encouraged Taeyong so much but now he felt if he had messed up somewhere. Taeyong was miserable.Things had begun to change around the Cherry Bomb release when their ratings went up and people started taking note, giving attention even when it wasn’t welcomed. If it was Taeyong who was beginning to hold himself up against the sea of cameras, Jaehyun was the one who withdrew himself inwards. He had admitted once, just once, to Taeyong that the cameras made him awkward, that the shiny lenses felt weird sometimes.Taeil knew how much every member suddenly began to value his own private lives and apart from his roommates and Taeyong who sought him out himself, he gave as much space as possible to the others, not interfering in their lives overly. He closed his eyes and breathed out. Maybe what he was about to do was interfering too but he had to do something.He pressed the call button.“Hello, Jaehyun?”When the bell rang, Taeil sat up, feeling an overwhelming sense of unease. It had been nearly an hour since he had called Jaehyun to tell him, simply, that Taeyong was waiting for him. He had kept the call short but later he had worried if he had done right to call Jae without asking Taeyong.Outside, the dorm door opened and Jaehyun stepped in. The living room was swathed in darkness and Taeyong watched him silently as he made his way to the leader’s bedroom.Not finding him inside, Jaehyun walked back into the living room slowly.Taeyong’s voice was low when he spoke up. “So, you’re back home.”Jaehyun jumped slightly and peered into the darkness. He switched on the lights with a slight chuckle. “I didn’t see you there.”Taeyong didn’t say anything from his place on the sofa.“You should have slept,” Jaehyun began softly.“I should have,” Taeyong agreed shortly.Jaehyun walked to him. “You’re upset.”Taeyong let out a cold laugh. “No, no, I’m not. I’m just happy to sit here and wait for you for four hours! It’s not as if I had anything better to do.”“Don’t be like that,” Jaehyun said in a tired voice, stung by his words.“Sure, let’s just pretend like always that everything is okay. After all, this has become standard behaviour for you. You know what, let’s stop planning Friday nights. It’s clear you’re not into it.”Jaehyun drew back, frowning. “You’re overreacting, Taeyong. I’m just a bit late. We can still go.”“I’m tired,” Taeyong said, getting up to cross the room.Jaehyun caught his hand. “Okay, but don’t say I didn’t ask later.”Taeyong pulled his hand away. “I’m not going to say anything.”Jaehyun watched him walk to his room, jaw ticking furiously. Making up his mind, he followed him inside. “You know, it’s not as if you’ve never cancelled Friday plans.”“I have always had a valid reason,” Taeyong replied angrily.“So my reasons aren’t valid? Seriously, you’re something. Let me remind you, we didn’t go for a month because of the sasaengs you spotted and all the manager business that came up because of that,” Jaehyun said, equally angrily.“Are we going to forget that it was you who was bothered by sasaengs following us around to the restaurant? I didn’t see you stopping me from complaining to the managers then. Besides, I always give you a heads-up before itself. I’ve never made you sit for hours in anticipation only to be disappointed later.”“Wow, you really have no idea.”“Where were you today?” Taeyong asked, blinking.Jaehyun’s head dropped slightly. “I-I was out with some friends. I lost track of ti—”“Well, you can go back to them.” He added, under his breath, “Fucking friends!”Jaehyun was quick to pick it. “So, I can’t have friends now?”“I never said that.”“No, but that’s what you mean, right? You can go around with Seungcheol and the others and have a ton of fun but god forbid I get late because of my friends one day.”“Why are you bringing Seungcheol into this?”“Why can’t I?”“He has nothing to do with this. It’s your fault tonight and you know that.”Jaehyun clenched his fist. “Yeah, be cowardly and put the blame on me. Helps you sleep at night I suppose. I wish you had just pretended to sleep like last time so I wouldn’t have had to listen to all this crap. I was happy before I came here.”Taeyong stared at him, both of them breathing heavily. Disappointment was etched across his face. “Noted.”Someone banged the bedroom door from outside. It was Doyoung hollering, “You guys are shouting too much. What’s happening?”“Forget about Friday plans from now on,” Taeyong said, in a surprisingly calm voice.Jaehyun nodded tightly and stormed out of the room. Doyoung tried to stop and ask him what was happening but he interrupted him with a curt, “Fuck off.”He was aware that Taeil was watching him from his room and that Mark was staring at him with an almost scared, apprehensive look from the dorm door. The bedroom door banged shut behind him.Doyoung motioned towards Mark. “It’s okay. They’ll get over it. Let’s go sleep.” But his eyes were worried as he and Taeil exchanged glances.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jaehyun reached for a juice box on the refreshments table at the same time as someone else reached for it. He drew back, apologising softly.
The other person drew back too. “Sorry.”
“Oh no,” Jaehyun began and then stopped. Right in front of him, stood a breathtakingly beautiful boy. At the back of his mind, he knew that all SM trainees were no doubt talented and beautiful people but this one, in front of him, was still a surprise. If the boy looked awkward, fidgeting with his sleeve slightly, Jaehyun felt no less awkward, feeling his throat go dry.
The boy held out the juice box to him. “Here you go.”
“No, it’s fine. You can have it. I’ll take one of the others,” Jaehyun said, gesturing towards the table. He wanted to ask, what’s your name? Do you like coffee? But this was his first day as a trainee and he wasn’t so courageous as to flirt with the first trainee he saw.
The boy made a face before smiling apologetically. “This is the last mixed fruit one. The others are all grape-flavoured and those taste horrible. You can have this one, it’s okay.”
“No, you have it,” Jaehyun replied a little too hurriedly. “I-I mean, I can have the grape one.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, grape juice is my favourite.” He let out a short laugh before telling himself not to lose it.
The boy smiled wider now, nodding. “Okay, then. Here, take a grape one.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re new here?”
“Yes.”
“I’m Lee Taeyong.”
Jaehyun looked at him and thought, that’s a nice name. He repeated it slowly. “Lee. Taeyong.” He smiled. “Nice to meet you. I’m Jung Yoonoh.”
Taeyong hummed, drinking his juice. He looked away when he caught Jaehyun staring at him. Reddening, he said, “Well, I guess, I’ll see you around, Yoonoh.”
Jaehyun said, “Yes.”
“Okay,” Taeyong said.
Later, when he came to know him better, Jaehyun realized that that conversation with Taeyong had been nothing short of a miracle. Taeyong was shy and didn’t talk to a lot of people, instead spending hours and hours practicing. But that conversation was special because it gave Jaehyun an opportunity to approach him again, one opportunity producing another and slowly, excrutiatingly slowly, Jaehyun made a place for himself in Taeyong’s life.
It didn’t take very long for most of the members to figure out something was wrong. When Yuta came to the kitchen to make some toast for himself, he found Taeyong sitting at the table with bloodshot eyes and a blank expression.“You okay?” he asked.He didn’t answer.Yuta looked around but there was obviously no one else who could do it so he sighed and sat across Taeyong. “Hey,” he said, gently, “what is it?”He shook Taeyong’s shoulder slightly. “You’re scaring me. Taeyong!”Taeyong blinked and looked at him as if he had just realized Yuta was here. He gave a painful smile. “Good morning.”Yuta patted his back. “Wait, I’ll get Jaehyun for you, okay?”Taeyong frowned, blinking rapidly. “No! Uh, I’m going to get ready. Tell Johnny to wake the others. We have to leave after breakfast.”“Taeyong, wait!“I’m fine, Yuta.”Yuta only found out what had happened when Taeil and Doyoung woke up. “Oh shit, seriously? What are they? Twelve?”Taeil looked uncomfortable. “They do argue now and then. This will pass too.”Doyoung watched Jaehyun enter the kitchen, grab a mug of coffee and some toast and retreat back to his room. “I hope so.”“Does Johnny know?” Yuta asked in a low voice.Taeil shrugged. “I didn’t see him come home last night.”“He’s here now. He’s awake. Let’s ask him to…you know, extend some sort of olive branch between those two?”Winwin walked in on the trio whispering on the sofa. “What’s up, oldies?” His mischievous smile dropped when he saw the serious faces. “What happened now?”The car ride to the airport was taut with tension. Jaehyun and Taeyong sat as far away from each other as possible. Jaehyun was listening to Haechan tell him about some animated joke while Taeyong was resting his head on Doyoung’s shoulder, eyes closed.It was only when they were walking through the sea of fans at the airport that Taeyong allowed himself to look in Jaehyun’s direction. The younger man was walking ahead of him, conversing happily with Haechan and Taeyong felt his heart clench at how unaffected Jaehyun was. Someone called out his name from the crowd and he smiled in the direction, waving, while inside he felt like he was drowning in gloom.He sat with Taeil during the flight who after being ignored drifted off to sleep, muttering, “Taeyong, you can’t just make stuff go away by ignoring it!”Sure he could. If he tried very hard and went on playing some phone games, he was sure he would never need to interact with anyone. He must have been on his farm game for over an hour when he decided to go through his Instagram. He frowned as he saw most of his explore page filled with videos of that Johnny-Jaehyun Night Night dare. His frown deepened as he saw them holding hands and running across the floor. He let out a low curse and put away his phone. He raised himself very slightly to see Jaheyun sleeping beside Johnny.On the way to the hotel, Doyoung said to him, “I’m sure he can feel you staring daggers at his back.”Taeyong coughed self-consciously. “Why would I stare at him? Don’t be ridiculous.”Doyoung raised an eyebrow. “Stop fighting with him. It only makes you more irritating. It’s not even entertaining anymore.”“I am not fighting with him. He’s the one who is downright rude and uncaring and I just—” He sighed. “I promised myself that I am going to give him all the space he wants. So, if you’re all feeling awkward because of us, it’s his fault.”Doyoung was about to say something but his phone dinged and seeing that it was a message on “Jaeyong Drama Resolution” groupchat, he shielded his phone from an obliviously moping Taeyong.
Johnny: Guys, I have an idea
Ten: Does it involve you and me? ;)
Taeil: Who added Ten here?
Ten: Who added gramps here?
Doyoung: What’s the idea because talking isn’t helping
Johnny: Yeah, Jaehyun was being mean to me on the plane and told me to mind my own business
Taeil: I had to sit with Taeyong’s angsty ass and believe me, you were better off with Jae
Johnny: Exactly so my idea is we mind our business and let them handle it on their own
Johnny: Just the two of them
Johnny: Alone
Winwin: Hyung, you’re so lazy
Yuta: That’s no help, Johnny
Johnny: Before biting my ass, LISTEN TO MY AMAZING PLAN
Ten: Yes, listen to John, everyone
Ten: Or he’ll get upset
Taeil: UpSeT
Johnny: We are going to *drum roll*
Johnny: Give them the same room!!
Yuta: And?
Johnny: They’ll be forced to interact with each other and idk kiss and make up and stuff
Taeil: YAS AND IT WORKS IN THE MOVIES
Yuta: What third-grade movies do you two watch?
Doyoung: I’m in…how do we trick them into rooming together
Johnny: I don’t know. Aren’t you the one with brains?
After Doyoung’s elaborate and highly detailed plan and it’s somewhat shabby implementation that involved faking allergies and possible ghost sightings, Taeyong found himself entering his designated bedroom really late. He shouldered his backpack and straightening his back, let out a breath. It had been a tough, long day and not having slept much last night either, he was looking forward to a peaceful night.The bathroom door opened and out stepped a familiar bathrobe-clad figure drying his hair with a towel.Taeyong couldn’t help a surprised cry escape his mouth as he stepped back, banging his head against the door.Jaehyun looked up at the noise, towel still on his head and let out a nervous, “Oh.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
When Taeil had taken out the managers for dinner right after reaching the hotel, Taeyong had been too tired to even see the amount of winking and nudging that was going on between the members of “Jaeyong Drama Resolution” club. When Winwin suddenly started sneezing and begged Taeyong to get him some meds for his allergies, he had wanted to say that he had no idea about the shops here and seeing that Yuta was the local here, shouldn’t he…but looking at Winwin who was in what appeared to be huge discomfort and a worried Yuta clinging to his arm, Taeyong decided to go buy the meds without even having set foot in his hotel room.It was when he returned and was told through the door that Winwin was asleep and Yuta wasn’t opening the door because there are ghosts around, hyung, that Taeyong started to wonder if his members were going crazy and whether he had been the victim of a prank. He was on his way to getting well and truly upset when he knocked on his own hotel room only to be informed by Doyoung and Johnny that they had locked themselves in and wouldn’t open because there are ghosts, huge horrifying ghosts in the corridor and maybe this one just sounds like Taeyong?“You little shits, where am I supposed to stay?” Taeyong banged the door again.“Just go to Taeil’s room,” Johnny had suggested.This was how Taeyong found himself in the present room, except the bathrobe-clad figure in front of him was definitely not Taeil. It now dawned on him what the other members had planned and how easily he had been tricked.Rubbing the back of his head that he had banged against the door when he had jumped back on seeing Jaehyun in the room, he ignored the way Jaehyun had looked up at the noise, towel still on his head and let out an, “Oh.”Before Jaehyun could add anything to that oh Taeyong fished out his earphones and plugged them in, choosing to not indulge in an awkward conversation with this guy who obviously didn’t like him. He could imagine how the conversation would go. Jaehyun would coldly enquire what Taeyong was doing in his room. What would he reply to that? If he told him that he had been tricked by the other members would Jaehyun laugh at him? Worse still would Jaehyun believe him? What if he thought Taeyong was just using the opportunity to get close to him after the fight?No, it was better to not have any conversation. It was just a matter of one night. He could handle that. Several phone games later, his phone’s battery was dying and he was forced to sneak a look at Jae.Jaehyun was lying as far away from him as was possible on the double bed, his face lit up in the dark by the light from his phonescreen. He was texting someone, his expression changing from a frown to a slight smile as he typed back quickly and frequently.Taeyong felt so far away from him and when he remembered just how close they used to be, sticking to each other’s side as Jaehyun would read aloud to him from whatever latest book he had picked up from the airport bookstands while he would complain that the narration was disturbing his game.Who was he talking to? He felt disappointed at himself the second the thought floated in his mind. He switched off his phone and turned away, closing his eyes.A very selfish part of him wished he had never met Jaehyun, wished he didn’t have a million confusing feelings for him, wished he didn’t look so soft and beautiful, wished he didn’t miss his loud laughter, wished he could be unbothered and smiling at his phone screen instead of playing farm games but mostly he wished Jae would say something, just anything.It had all started because of that juice carton, to be honest. He should have just bolted then like his hammering heart had told him to.
Taeyong hummed to the song he was practising to as he reached for a juice box on the refreshments table, his hand colliding with someone else’s.
He immediately drew back, apologising, only to see the other person apologetically drawing back too. He had no idea who the other person was. Dark hair flopping over his forehead, ears slightly red, a hint of a dimple. He had never seen him here before but then he didn’t know a lot of people. He wasn’t really any good at the whole being social thing. He held out the juice box to the guy. “Here you go.”
The other boy seemed to be struggling with words but he shook his head slightly as he raised a hand. “No, it’s fine. You can have it. I’ll take one of the others.”
Taeyong looked in the direction he was pointing and inwardly cringed at the line of grape juice boxes. “This is the last mixed fruit one. The others are all grape-flavoured and those taste horrible.” He didn’t know why he couldn’t shut up, why he wanted to make this other boy as comfortable as he could, why his heart was beating so fast, why a part of him wanted to run away and why he knew he couldn’t. “You can have this one, it’s okay.”
“No, you have it. I mean, I can have the grape one.”
Turned out the very grape juice ones he disliked so much were his favourite.
And suddenly, Taeyong was drawing out the conversation, telling this newbie his name.
The newbie had a name. Jung Yoonoh. Taeyong nearly choked on his juice when Yoonoh caught him staring at him. He could feel his cheeks aflame. He nervously said, “Well, I guess, I’ll see you around, Yoonoh.”
He couldn’t practice at all that day. His mind was still on the boy he had met. He wanted to know him more. He considered going back to the refreshments table only to shake his head and remind himself that he was losing it if he started to behave this way. Most probably Yoonoh wouldn’t even remember him when they next met, if they next met.
Soon, Yoonoh began to be more familiar as Jaehyun. Jaehyun, Taeyong liked the name. Jaehyun was friendly, well-mannered and likeable. Very soon, the trainees were all friends with him and Taeyong was so scared of being just the ‘juice carton boy’ to him but maybe somewhere some magic existed because they continued to find themselves in each other’s presence. Jaehyun calmed him when he was nervous, took him for dinner to what quickly became their favourite restaurant when Tae forgot to eat, told him silly jokes and sang cheesy songs to him. Taeyong fell in love so fast, he didn’t even realize until there was no going back.
He must not have been asleep for more than a few minutes because he awoke to Jaehyun whispering into his phone in the dark. “Ten, stop sending me loud voice messages. I can’t find my earphones in the dark and Taeyong just fell asleep….No, shut up, pervert. He must be exhausted. Okay, I am hanging up. You’ll wake him otherwise and he won’t be able to go back to sleep easily….Go bug Johnny or Kun.”Taeyong held his breath as Jaehyun locked his phone and the room was submerged into absolute darkness with only a sliver of light escaping from the bathroom door. So, Jaehyun had been messaging Ten. A tear ran down his cheek and he blinked in surprise.Jaehyun pulled the covers towards his side of the bed as he stretched his body, yawning with sleep, leaving most of Taeyong’s body outside the covers. For a whole minute, there was no movement and then, Jaehyun got up with a small sigh, pulling the covers over Taeyong.Taeyong went stiff at the gesture, listening to Jaehyun mutter how it was too small for the bed. Jaehyun shifted closer and finally, pulled the covers over his head and drifted off to sleep.Taeyong lay unmoving in his position, acutely aware of Jaehyun’s body heat, wanting so much to reach to him but he didn’t even turn around and sometime in the night, he too fell asleep.When he woke up, it was early morning and he was annoyed at himself for waking up before the alarm. He tried to change his position, his arm numb and heavy, only to realize that a sleeping Jaehyun was propped against his arm. His eyes widened when he realized that his arm was nearly holding on to Jaehyun. He removed his arm quickly, pushing Jaehyun away in the process.Jaehyun murmured sleepily, “Go to sleep, Taeyongie,” before snuggling closer to him.Taeyong sighed, looking at the ceiling. He got up slowly, trying not to wake up the sleeping boy and quietly, went out onto the balcony. He sat on the cold chair and began to write bits and pieces of words until lines of lyrics began to emerge on the back of the magazine he was scribbling on.He read them again and sat back in his chair, smiling ruefully, before tearing out the page and crumpling it. He sounded like a lovesick idiot but then, he admitted to himself, that was exactly what he was.
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Jaehyun woke up to the sound of their manager’s voice saying, “Jaehyun, you have forty minutes. Get ready and get breakfast, okay?”He groaned but got up, waving a hand in his direction. “I’m up, don’t worry.”The manager nodded before retreating to what must be Yuta and Winwin’s room next. Jaehyun looked around. Taeyong’s side of the bed was empty. Well, he realized with embarrassment he had rolled over to most of Taeyong’s side now. He knocked on the bathroom door. “Taeyong hyung, you there?”Taeyong was nowhere in the room and it was with a heavy heart that Jaehyun was forced to admit to himself that Tae had left him some time earlier in the morning. He took a deep breath, rubbing his eyes. He had been so angry when they had fought but within hours he had felt horrible about it. In fact, the night they had the fight, he had just stayed in bed angry and hurt only to wake up feeling that he shouldn’t have said any of the things he had said. He wanted to tell that to him too but when he had approached him at the airport, he had been greeted with a cold stare. It was like he had become invisible to Taeyong’s gaze. He drew up his legs and his shoulders shook slightly as he wished Taeyong was here. He missed him so much.His eyes widened as he half-remembered the incident from dawn. Taeyong had pushed him away. He had got out of bed to get away from him.Jaehyun cursed. “Oh shit, what did I do!?” He wished he had had slightly more control over his sleeping self.The manager banged on the door again. “Jaehyun, you’re up, right?”He shook out of his thoughts. “Yes, yes, I’m getting ready.”Fifteen minutes later, he stepped out of the bathroom, showered and ready. He pulled on his jacket and stopped by the door when he saw a tray of breakfast kept neatly near the edge of the bed. He looked around but the room was still empty. He frowned slightly, glancing over the items. A chicken sandwich, fruit salad and a box of grape juice.Dare he think…he shook his head. No, it was obvious that Taeyong was not only uninterested in him but that he was really upset with him. There was no way. And yet when he finished breakfast, his mouth had the hints of a smile at the slight chance that maybe, Taeyong was responsible for this. Maybe he could still salvage his friendship with him. That was the most he could hope for and even that was so daring to hope for.He looked through his phone for the pancake’s recipe he had. He knew it was a cheap move but maybe Taeyong’s favourite pancakes could be a good conversation starter. He doubted that telling him he liked him since rookie days would work out.With a set mind, he opened his door only to be greeted by Winwin. “Jaehyun, hi.”“Later, Winwin,” he said.“Woah, we’re leaving. Where do you think you’re going?”“The kitche—Oh is it time already?”Winwin nodded. “Johnny is getting Markhyuck and Taeyong is getting Taeil. There they are! Guys, I got Jaehyun and Yuta. Let’s go.”In the car, Winwin turned to him. “Didn’t you eat breakfast? Were you going to the kitchen?”“I had breakfast. I was just…This reminds me, who got breakfast for me?” Jaehyun asked, looking sideways at Taeyong.“It was probably room service. They’re really good here. I had some excellent coffee in the morning,” Yuta supplied.“You’re right. I asked for some tea and they made it just right. Let’s remember to give them a good rating when we leave,” Taeil said.Jaehyun was quiet as he watched Taeyong. His jaw was set tight and he hadn’t even turned to acknowledge his question. He felt miserable. How was he supposed to fix this?Winwin nudged him. “Did you not sleep well? You look like shit.”“Wow, thank you, Winwin. This is just the kind of support I need early in the morning,” he replied, sarcastically.“Okay, okay. I was just worried.”Jaehyun shrugged. “Nothing that some make-up won’t fix.”“You look like you’re about to cry. I doubt make-up can fix that.”Jaehyun blinked. “Listening to your needless commentary is going to make me cry.”“Someone’s touchy.”“I’m not. I’m totally fine.”Winwin rolled his eyes. “Don’t bite my head off. If it’s bothering you so much, talk to him, not me.”“I’m fine,” Jaehyun said, through gritted teeth.He tried to remain under control for the rest of the trip and by the time they were ready with their stage attire, he had successfully avoided looking at Taeyong. He had even managed to politely brush off their make-up artist’s concerned, “Jaehyun, are the lens irritating you? Your eyes are getting red.”When they entered the stage, he was able to smile at the audience. He was thankful for the performances today. They helped clear his mind. By the ment, he was able to breath more freely despite feeling the exhaustion already catching up to his muscles. For those minutes, he was as near to happy as he could be in these last couple of days.He looked towards Taeyong about to whisper how lively the crowd was only for his smile to freeze midway as he realized that this wasn’t just any other performance, that things weren’t normal, that Taeyong wouldn’t return his smile with a quip of his own.He noticed Taeyong looking for his water bottle. Haechan offered him his own but Taeyong refused, still looking around for his own. Jaehyun hurriedly looked for an extra bottle too but couldn’t see any and right as Taeyong began to walk towards the side-wings—now that Yuta was speaking to the audience—Jaehyun reached forward impulsively.Taeyong’s arm was burning hot against his fingers as he pulled him back. Jaehyun offered him his own bottle and Taeyong’s eyes were wide as he nodded, accepting it.Jaehyun could feel his blood thundering in his ears and he laughed along to whatever Yuta was saying without even having heard it. He was aware his face was heating up and that he was preposterously elated over practically nothing but how could he not? He has always been content with whatever he has got from Taeyong. And right now, acceptance of the minutest kind seems enough.When their performances got over and they were bowing down to the crowd, his hand was in Taeyong’s hand. And then they were rushing offstage, everyone pulling off their jackets.Behind the stage, everything was a blur—stylists swooping down, staff collecting equipment and the loud beat of music in the background. Sometimes the music would stay in his mind, long after the show was over, a kind of inertia in his ears and maybe that was why he still found himself humming when they reached the airport.“Are you guys okay now?” Johnny asked with a smile.Jaehyun raised his eyebrows. “W-what?”Johnny’s smile grew wider. “You seem happy.”He looked at Johnny, searching for a hint. “Johnny, can I ask you something?”“Go ahead.”His cheeks were pink as he opened his mouth to ask, “Is Taeyong hyung still very upset with me?”Johnny laughed. “No. He misses you.”Jaehyun’s voice shook as he breathed, “Okay, then.”“Got a plan?”“No, I just miss him too,” he replied, combing his hair back. He was trying not to let it show but Johnny’s word had lifted something heavy off his shoulders.Before he could ask further, their manager handed him his earphones and a folded sheet of paper, saying hurriedly, “Room service returned these. Take care of your stuff, Jaehyun, you could have lost them behind.”“Oh, I’m sorry,” he replied quickly, stuffing them in his pocket. By that time Johnny had walked ahead, ushered quickly by the staff, but his words remained in Jaehyun’s mind.As they were sitting on the plane, he stopped by Taeyong’s seat and asked, “Is it…is it okay if I sit here?” With you.Taeyong drew a sharp breath as he brought his eyes to meet Jaehyun’s. In the longest of seconds it took for him to answer, Jaehyun felt he would die from embarrassment, chiding himself for having become too hopeful, totally aware of how the rest of the members had stopped to see what would happen.Taeyong’s voice was higher than usual when he answered. “Yes, yes, of course.”Jaehyun smiled a dazzling smile and sat down smoothly.Everyone else started talking loudly and arranging themselves to show they hadn’t been listening at all. Taeyong chuckled slightly. He sat back, watching Jaehyun put his seatbelt on with a fond gaze. Throughout the first few minutes of the flight, he could see him fidgeting, sneaking glances at him, foot tapping continuously. It was then he decided enough was enough.“Jaehyun, I—”“Taeyong, I—”Both of them stopped.Jaehyun said, “Let me go first, please.”Taeyong nodded. “Okay.”He took a deep breath, looking down. “I’m sorry for being late for our plans and for making you wait. Nothing excuses it and I promise when we next go out, if we next go out, I will never do that again.” He looked at Taeyong. “I’m sorry for everything. I shouldn’t have…I should have tried harder.” He ran a hand over his face, hoping to calm his nerves. “And I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable this morning. I’m so sorr—”Taeyong caught his hand and interrupted him. “Jaehyunie, please, don’t make me feel so bad.” His hoodie was pulled low over his face and he was glad that Jae couldn’t see his expression. “I felt bad the minute you left my room that day. I wanted to apologize right then and there, Jae. I just—you know, I remembered later that you had told me you would be busy. I was just so excited that I forgot and by the time I realized you were already so distant. It scares me…how easily you can just walk away. I suppose I am always scared you’ll just walk away. You have so many people and it makes me so irritated that I get jealous. I don’t want to be jealous but it’s…it’s like what if one day I wake up and you no longer…” It was now his turn to feel embarrassed and he hid his face behind his hands. “God, I’m such an idiot. What I meant to say was I’m sorry for fighting with you. That was…wrong. I said some horrible things. And I’m sorry I left you this morning. It’s not what you think. And umm, right now I would love to know what you’re thinking because lately I have no idea what you’re thinking and I go crazy wondering…Oh God, I’m rambling again.”Jaehyun was surprised at how worked up Taeyong was. He patted Taeyong’s head in concern. “Hey, you’re beating yourself over nothing.”Taeyong raised his head to look at him, face red.“And it’s easy to know what I’m thinking of,” Jaehyun added. “I’m just always thinking of you.”If Taeyong’s face could get any redder, it would have because not only was this better than anything he could have imagined but Jaehyun was smiling at him with his adorably beautiful smile. He buried his face in Jaehyun’s shoulder, mumbling, “You’re so cheesy but I missed this.”“I missed you,” Jaehyun whispered.Taeyong hummed, settling his head on Jaehyun’s shoulder comfortably. “I hate it when we fight.”“We don’t fight a lot,” Jaehyun said.From somewhere behind their seats, someone scoffed. “Yeah, right.”Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “I suppose, we’re just intense people.”Taeyong hummed again, slipping his arm around Jaehyun’s and playing with his fingers. “You know, you have pretty fingers. Has anyone told you that?”Jaehyun spluttered. “Uh…”“Sorry, I’m just really sleepy. I feel like I haven’t slept…in ages…”“It has been tiring lately,” he said. “You should rest well. You overwork too much.” He paused as he remembered, “You haven’t changed a lot since rookie days. I remember the first time I met you, you had been practicing and I realized later how lucky I was you decided to grab some snacks that day because you were so tough to get a hold of. You worked so hard and I was like, wow, this brilliant, kind person is going to be so famous one day because you deserved it so much.” He smiled. “I took up so many extra practices just so I could spend time with you. It was—” He looked at Taeyong, wondering at how quiet he was and he sighed in disbelief.Taeyong was fast asleep, leaning on his shoulder.Jaehyun laughed quietly. “Why must you miss all the important things, Taeyongie?” He closed his fingers around Taeyong’s and leaned back, closing his eyes unable to keep the smile off his face.
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“And then,” Jaehyun took a deep breath, “he totally fell asleep!”Ten laughed. “Wow, talk about anti-climatic.”“It was such a good moment, ugh,” Jaehyun said, drinking another shot.Winwin snorted. “It wasn’t that huge a moment, to be honest. If you want to confess, you should do it grand but like also subtle. See what I mean?”They were sitting in a seedy side-street restaurant, drinking soju and gossiping over all the stuff Ten had missed. It had been a whole day since Jaeyong had made up and Jaehyun was going slightly crazy wondering what would happen next.He said, “No, Winwin, I don’t see what you mean. It’s not like you actually confessed to—”Winwin shot him a look.“Okay, okay.” He held up his hands, surrendering the topic. “Besides, Taeyong’s older, don’t you think he should make a move?”“What sort of shitty logic is that?” Winwin said.Ten was quiet before he downed a shot too. “I don’t know, man. 95 line is kind of really bad at this whole love thing, I guess.”The other two hummed in affirmation, silence quickly overtaking the table.“Wait, did something happen?” Winwin asked Ten. Jaehyun looked at him in concern too.“No, no.” Ten shook his head. “Nothing happens.” He turned to the restaurant owner. “Can we have another bottle, please?”Jaehyun and Winwin exchanged looks.Ten laughed. “Guys, it’s nothing. Seriously. I think the alcohol is getting to me.”“It’s really late and we’ve already drunk way past our limit. We should go,” Jaehyun said.“Just one more bottle,” Ten pleaded cutely.Winwin replied, “Okay but I’m not drinking.” He watched as the other two clinked glasses. “Your aegyo is horrendous, Ten.”“You hate me ‘cause you ain’t me, bitch.” Ten laughed.An hour later, Winwin was somehow dragging along his two absolutely drunk friends. He muttered, “See this is why I said no more drinks. Who even drinks so much?”Jaehyun was not a loud drunk. He just went real quiet and spaced out. Directing him to walk without faltering was the only problem. That and listening to his vehement whispers of “I’m not drunk, Winwin-ah. I never get drunk.” Ten, on the other hand, thought belting out old One Direction songs at three in the night was hilarious and proceeded to sing and giggle every chance he got.Winwin told him to shut up, not very politely too, and pushed the two of them into the dorm. He deposited Ten on the couch with a “If I hear any sound remotely relating to living while we’re young, I’m going to throw you out. And you,” he pointed to Jaehyun, “just go to sleep.”Jaehyun nodded. “Okay, Francis Bacon.”“Wha—never mind, I don’t want to know. Good night. I hate you both.”Ten mumbled something sounding suspiciously like, “You won’t find a 10/10 like me anywhere.”Jaehyun stood in the living room long after Winwin closed his bedroom door and Ten fell asleep. Frowning, he opened his bedroom door, only to find Haechan playing away at his console. Jaehyun stared at him but his mind was totally blank. He was aware that he was supposed to say something but at the moment he was having difficulty remembering even names. It was at the tip of his tongue but he couldn’t say it. It was no use concentrating.“It’s too late, umm, what’s your name, umm Mark’s friend?” Jaehyun managed finally. “Just do that recharge thing.”Haechan quirked an eyebrow. “Boy, you’re drunk. You don’t remember my name? And it’s sleep not recharge, dumbass.”“It’s oppa to you,” Jaehyun said, nodding to himself. “And your name is…”“Dong—?” prompted Haechan, slowly. “Never mind. How about Hae—?“Donghae sunbaenim!?”“Oh my god, how much did you drink?” Haechan asked. “It’s Haechan and you’re hyung not oppa. Ugh, why do I even deal with adults?” He turned back to his game. Suddenly, an evil expression dawned on his face.“Let me get some water,” Jaehyun said, dropping on his bed. “Why is the room so stuffy?”Haechan jumped on to it beside Jaehyun. “Should I read your fortune?” He pulled out his tarot cards from his pocket.Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that having Haechan read his fortune on those damned tarot cards was a long and never-ending process. Yuta was so sick of having his fortune read over breakfast every day that he had threatened to throw them away if he saw them anywhere near himself. But it was late and Haechan had just handed him a water bottle and Jaehyun wasn’t sleepy at all. So he shrugged. “Okay.”“Yes!” Haechan pumped the air. “I’m sick of reading Mark’s fortune all the time. You always slink away when I try to read yours. Okay, let’s start. Choose a card.”“Just one?”“Well, as many as you want, I guess.”Jaehyun grasped at the cards. “I don’t think you know how to read them, Haechan.”“I have been blessed with powers beyond human comprehension. You’re lucky you have me on this tough night.”“Whatever. Sounds muddled. I’ll choose these three.”“Okay, so this here is a…well, that looks a bit like a unicorn, doesn’t it? Is it a joker?” Haechan tilted his head. “Okay, it is a bird. A unicorn bird!”“Really?” Jaehyun tried tilting his head too but stopped. “Ow, my head is spinning.”Haechan patted Jaehyun’s back. “Not everyone has been blessed with mysterious powers. It’s okay, you don’t worry yourself about it. Let’s look at your second card. Oh, an elephant!”“There’s an elephant in the deck?” Drunk Jaehyun was filled with incredulity.Haechan squinted at the card. “Definitely.” He overturned the last card. “And that’s a man. Um, is he gardening? I think he’s freestyling. Ah, I get it now.”Jaehyun’s face was red with concentration. “You do?”“Yes, it’s obvious,” Haechan said, haughtily. “Let me enlighten you.”Jaehyun nodded.“This is very important for your future, okay? I’m going to reveal a life-changing window into your future. Are you ready?”“Yes?”“Okay, so you got to pay me first.”Jaehyun groaned. “What?”“Buy me an Ouija board,” Haechan said.“Didn’t Taeyong say no to that already?” Jaehyun’s memory was slightly fuzzy but he remembered the tantrum Haechan had thrown over that.“That’s why you’re gifting it to me,” the younger boy said. “Agreed? This is really important for your future, hyung. I’m only helping you by giving you this opportunity.”When Jaehyun looked dazed and unsure, Haechan added, “The cards are speaking about Taeyong hyung.”“Really?”Haechan nodded vigourously.“Okay, deal.” Jaehyun smiled, his face lighting up.“See this man here. He’s freestyling. That’s Taeyong Hyung.”“It is?”“Yeah. Don’t interrupt me. Basically, the cards say you must address the elephant in the room. With Taeyong Hyung. As soon as possible.”Jaehyun nodded seriously. “And the unicorn?”“That…that obviously means you have to do it soon. Before it—the opportunity—you know, flies away.”Jaehyun frowned. “So, it’s not a unicorn? It’s a pegasus?”Haechan blinked. “That’s what I said.”Jaehyun giggled. “Sorry, I think I’m slightly drunk. So, let me get this straight. The cards want me to go and confess to Taeyong? You know, maybe I should but I’m also scared.”“Of what? If you don’t do it, he’ll be too chicken to do it too. It’s obvious you like each other. It’s only a matter of acknowledging it. It won’t be that hard, hyung. Have you seen your face? There’s no way he would reject you.”Jaehyun mumbled. “Have you seen his face?”“Just do it. Believe in the cards.”“Believe in the cards,” Jae repeated to himself. Standing up, he said, “I’m going to do it.”“What—right now?”“Yeah, before the pegasus—I mean, the opportunity—flies away. Do I look very drunk?”Haechan looked at his flushed face and unfocussed gaze and laughed. “No, you look like you usually do.”“Perfect.” Jaehyun stalked out of the door with purpose, only to look back. “Haechan, you’re a wizard. Thank you for this.”Haechan was too busy on his console to react. He said into his mic, “Ya Renjun, I’m getting an ouija board soon.”Jaehyun walked to Taeyong and Johnny’s room and knocked once before bursting in. The room was dark and he tripped over something but he managed to reach the bed. He shook Taeyong’s leg. “Taeyong hyung, I have to say something.” He stopped to take a breath. “I have wanted to tell you this since ages. Since agesss. But you, you fucking unicorn, it’s like I look at you and I can’t think of words to say. Do you realize how it must feel? Because you’re adorable and when you smile, I swear it messes up my head. And heart. My poor heart. It’s so scary because you confuse me so much. Like when you hug me is it a i-like-you-dongsaeng kind of hug or i-like-like-you kind of hug? Give me a clue, Taeyong. Give me a clue because if you don’t catch the elephant it will fly away.”There was silence and then a short laugh. Johnny’s sleepy voice floated towards him, “Jaehyun-ah, Taeyong’s bed is over that side of the room.”Jaehyun drew back, blushing. “Oh shit.”Johnny got up slowly. “Uh, I’ll give you two some space then.” He bolted from the room, tripping over the bag thrown near the door as he went out.
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“Taeyong hyung, I have to say something.” Jaehyun stopped to take a breath. “I have wanted to tell you this since ages. Since agesss. But you, you fucking unicorn, it’s like I look at you and I can’t think of words to say. Do you realize how it must feel? Because you’re adorable and when you smile, I swear it messes up my head. And heart. My poor heart. It’s so scary because you confuse me so much. Like when you hug me is it a i-like-you-dongsaeng kind of hug or i-like-like-you kind of hug? Give me a clue, Taeyong. Give me a clue because if you don’t catch the elephant it will fly away.”
Taeyong and Johnny had been talking about random things—ursa major, butterscotch ice-cream, the number ten, mauve hair, Chicago, rap lines—when Jaehyun had made his grand entry. Tripping over Johnny’s backpack on the floor, Jaehyun had started spouting some of the weirdest things about elephants and unicorns but Taeyong felt his heart go wild when he heard Jaehyun’s confession.He lay in bed, heart hammering; the room dark. It was Johnny who laughed finding Jaehyun’s words hilariously cute. When he practically ran out of the room, Jaehyun went quiet and Taeyong got up, sitting against the wall.He was still quiet, unconsciously holding his breath as he tried to calm his hammering heart.“Taeyong?” Jaehyun asked in the dark, stumbling towards his side of the room. “Why is it so dark here? Usually the room lights up when you walk in. Tee-hee.”Taeyong let out the breath he was holding. “Jaehyun-ah.” He couldn’t help but laugh. “What is happening to you?”“You’re awake!?” Jaehyun said, excitedly, walking in the direction of his voice.Taeyong said, “Yeah, Johnny and I were just talking.”“Great,” Jaehyun said, climbing into Taeyong’s bed. “Let’s talk.”“T-talk?”“Yeah, aren’t you going to say something, you cutie?” Jaehyun asked. His eyes had by now accustomed to the dark and he could see Taeyong’s silhouette. He tapped Taeyong’s knee. “You know, I’ll understand if you don’t feel the same way. All I want is an answer. Haechan said it’s very important to freestyle.”“No, no.” Taeyong smiled. “It’s not that…umm, you’re really drunk.”“I am?”“Yes,” Taeyong said. “Like maybe we should talk about this when you’re sober? What if you wake up tomorrow and realize this was the alcohol talking? It would…break my heart.”“I am 98.9537% sure I am sober right now. Beside I want to kiss you all the time. I’m pretty sure of that.”Taeyong spluttered. “Uh, Jae…” He could feel his face heating up and he had no idea what was happening except that this was either the best night of his life or a really wild dream.“Oh my, I have such a horrible headache. I think I should sleep. Maybe this is a really great dream,” Jaehyun said as he lay down comfortably on the bed.When Taeyong didn’t say anything, Jaehyun patted the bed. “C’mon, lie down. Let’s talk.”“How much did you drink? It’s not like you to get drunk.”“It’s because of you…and Ten. Anyway, the thing is do you like me? Nod for yes and shake head for no.” Jaehyun laughed after a second passed. “Wait, I can’t see you in the dark. You know, it’s really funny but I hated it when we weren’t talking. It was so weird. We were on the same bed and you wouldn’t even look my way. It hurt so much. Is it not obvious how much I like you? I mean, I fucking drink grape juice because you get it especially for me. It tastes horrible!”Taeyong frowned. “What?”“Oops.” Jaehyun laughed. “You weren’t supposed to know that. Delete that, okay?”“You don’t like grape juice!?”“Yeah, it’s just not tasty.” He shuddered.Taeyong said, “But I only get it because you said it was your favourite.”“And I only drink it because you get it for me. I mean, it’s the only thing you go out of your way for. After lying about it when we first met, I couldn’t possibly say anything. What could I have said? Hey, Taeyong hyung, I don’t like grape juice. I just said that so you would get to drink your favourite. Oh why? Because I like you. You would have bolted.”“You could have said something,” Taeyong mumbled.“You look so happy when you get it for me.” Jaehyun’s voice was low.Taeyong laughed quietly. “It’s not the juice, you idiot. It’s you. You make me happy. And I do lots of things apart from buying you grape juice, you know. You just don’t notice them.”Jaehyun propped himself on his elbow. “Does that mean you like me?”“Yeah, I do,” Taeyong whispered, as if he was afraid the words would break apart if he didn’t take care. “A lot.”Jaehyun lay back. “Phew, that’s good to know. I have to get an ouija board now.”Taeyong stared. “That’s a really great reaction, Jae. You know, that took a lot of courage to admit.”“Yeah…I…umm, it’s cool.” Jaehyun sniffled.“Oh my god, are—are you crying?”“No…” sobbed Jaehyun. “It’s just—I didn’t expect this.”“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Please don’t cry. Come here.” And somehow, Taeyong found himself hugging a half-asleep Jaehyun at four in the morning.“I can’t believe I cried, ugh.” Jaehyun half-laughed. “Winwin will be so disappointed. He wanted something grand and all I’ve done is ugly-cried on your shoulder.”Taeyong could see Jaehyun’s hair flashing silver against the dark and Jaehyun was warm in his arms. He closed his eyes and said, “You better feel the same way next morning. Now, go sleep.”Jaehyun whispered, “Okay, but I am staying here. Your bed is nice. You can go wherever you want.”“Jaehyun-ah,” Taeyong sighed.“Or you can just stay here. I promise I won’t do anything funny.” He lay back, pulling down Taeyong next to him. “It’s not like we never slept together.”“This is kind of cramped,” Taeyong finally managed to say.Jaehyun shrugged. “Tell me something I don’t know.”“I was so jealous.”“That’s not what I mea—wait, of whom?”“Ten, mostly.”“What? Why?”“But also, Johnny, maybe Winwin too. It’s so embarrassing,” Taeyong said. “I knew I was being idiotic but you…it felt like you kept drifting away and you were happy with other people but fighting or worse, ignoring me. You even took Ten to our place!”“Woah, I didn’t know we couldn’t take anyone else there. I only took him there because I wanted to show him where we keep going. He was feeling down and I thought that’s the happiest place I know of.”“Oh.”Jaehyun giggled. “And here I felt guilty for being jealous of Seungcheol and your new friends. Don’t even get me started on JR!”“No way. Those people are just my friends and I like being with them. It reminds me there’s a world outside too. But you…you are Jaehyun. You are everything to me. You take my breath way. You make me believe in the cheesiest clichés. I want to do better, be better because I’ve got you to impress. Hell, my family knows I love you.”There was silence and Taeyong slowly nudged Jaehyun. “You are really slow with the reactions today, huh?” When there was no reply, he enquired, “Jaehyun?”Soft breathing, silence and peaceful sleep answered him and he groaned, “Why must you miss all the important things, Jaehyun-ah?”Taeyong stared at the ceiling for a few minutes before getting up. “Yeah, I can’t sleep now. My heart is running a marathon.” He sneaked out quietly, only to be intercepted by a wide-awake and possibly eavesdropping Johnny.“So, how was it?”Taeyong blushed. “Shut up, Johnny. He’s just drunk.”“Sounded high to me but also so cute? Aww, you two.”Taeyong tried slipping past him. “I’m going to sleep on the couch.”“You can’t. I already tried. Ten’s sleeping there,” Johnny answered.“I’m going to ask him to shift to Jaehyun’s room then.”“Wait,” Johnny said quickly. “You can take my bed. I’ll go to Jaehyun’s room.” He rubbed the back of his head. “Ten probably just fell asleep. Let’s give him a few hours of sleep.”“Okay, lover boy.” Taeyong snickered. “Haha, Taeyong, look who is talking.” Johnny rolled his eyes.-When Jaehyun woke up to a clanging headache and a horribly dry throat, the first thing he thought of was that he needed water. He got up, totally oblivious that he wasn’t in his own room. He walked out, trudging towards the fridge. He could hear Ten throwing up in the bathroom and thanked his stars that he wasn’t in that bad a position.He poured himself a glass of water only for Johnny to appear and snatch it out of his fingers. “Sorry, Ten needs it.”“And I should just shrivel up, I suppose,” Jaehyun mumbled, head still floating in pain. “Okay, I’m sitting down.”Haechan walked into the kitchen and seeing him, said, “You owe me an ouija board, hyung?”“What?”“Last night…remember? You made a promise to me,” Haechan said, slowly.“Last night…” Jaehyun closed his eyes, thinking about it. His eyes widened as he remembered. “Oh no, oh shit. Oh no, no no no. I’m dead. I’m gone. I hate you, Haechan. You should have stopped me.”“And halt the course of true love?” Haechan looked up for dramatic effect before reaching for an apple. “I don’t think so. Anyway, you promised.”“Hae—”“Gotta go, need to finish my game.”“Did you even sleep?”Haechan waved him away. “Sleep is for the weak.”Jaehyun drank his water and felt his head clear a little. He closed his eyes again, just sitting at the breakfast table, mourning the death of his friendship with Taeyong. How could he have been so idiotic? Taeyong was going to laugh at him. He tried to go over his conversation from last night. Taeyong had been so polite while he had messed up royally.He felt someone slide into the chair opposite him and he opened his eyes.“Hey, you okay?” Taeyong asked, softly. He passed him a carton of mixed juice.Jaehyun looked at him, wide-eyed. “I—I—uhm…”Taeyong smiled. “So, you don’t like grape juice.”Jaehyun nearly choked. “Seriously, that’s what you’re going to say?”Taeyong shrugged, amused.“You find it funny,” Jaehyun groaned. “I’m going to go to my room and never show my face to the world again.”“That would be a shame. You’re really pretty.”Jaehyun blinked.Taeyong looked away, blushing. “Do you remember…?”“Of course, I remember.”“So you meant it?” Taeyong asked, his expression hopeful.“I’m sorry. Are we still talking about juice cartons or…?”Taeyong smiled shyly. “Depends on what you want.”“Do you like me?” Jaehyun asked, incredulous.“I thought that was obvious.” Taeyong’s face was bright red. “I mean I did tell you last night. Sometime after you told me elephants were about to fly and sometime before I told you I love you but you were asleep by then, I guess.” Jaehyun opened and closed his mouth like a fish.Taeyong leaned over the table, towards him, and whispered, “This is where you say, I love you too.”Jaehyun let out a breath. “Iloveyoutoo.”Taeyong giggled.“Hey, don’t laugh at me,” Jaehyun grumbled.“Or?” Taeyong quirked an eyebrow.He looked at Taeyong and smiled. “Or I’m going to have to wipe that smirk off your face myself.”“I’d love to see you try.”“Okay, that’s it,” Jaehyun said and pulled Taeyong’s collar towards himself.Taeyong laughed nervously. “This is actually happening, huh?”Jaehyun laughed, still incredulous, and kissed him.Taeyong smiled into the kiss as he felt Jaehyun’s lips moving against his. He kissed him back, cupping his face with his hands. Jaehyun’s lips were so soft and Taeyong felt himself melting into the kiss. Every inch of body felt aflame. He was hyper-aware of everything and all he could think of was Jaehyun, here, across him, his fingers still holding a fistful of his t-shirt. It felt like eternity and yet too short because there was no way Taeyong wanted this to end. This moment was special and Jaehyun’s lips against him were a constant reminder that this, right here was actually happening. “Where’d you learn to kiss like that?” he mumbled, breathlessly.Jaehyun wanted to say something like “I’m a natural” but he couldn’t reply, just kissing him back intensely because damn did he taste good. “I love you,” he said, drawing back and then kissing him again. “So much.” His hands were ghosting across Taeyong’s neck and losing themselves in his hair. He could feel Taeyong shivering underneath his touch and there was a euphoria coursing through his veins. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered as he drew back, breathing heavily. His gaze flickered to Taeyong’s puffy lips and he reddened. “I’m sorry. I’ve just waited for this too long.”Taeyong chuckled. “That was—uh—sexy.” Jaehyun groaned. “See? Right there? You’re so adorable.” He leaned forward and kissed him again and Taeyong was pulling him close and Jaehyun had never hated this silly breakfast table in his life as much as right now because he could do without it right now.“Hey, has anyone seen my noteboo—OH SHIT!”Jaehyun and Taeyong pulled apart quickly, both of them blushing as they turned towards the source of the voice—Mark.“Mark, I—”“Um, never mind. Haha, I just remembered I had to run an errand. Sorry. You can just, you know continue with…okay, I’m leaving now.” Mark ran out of the kitchen.“Poor kid.” Taeyong rubbed the back of his head.Jaehyun laughed. “He’s going to tell Haechan and that’s like telling Soompi. It will be all over the dorm.”“Actually,” Mark walked back into the room, “can I just take a pic for photographic evidence? I need it so that I can prove I won against Renjun.” He laughed nervously. “It’s a bet. Which happens first—Jaeyong or Yuwin. Haha.”“Mark…” Taeyong started.“Sure.” Jaehyun smiled. “Should we kiss again?”“Jaehyun!” Taeyong said, scandalized.Jaehyun laughed, whole-heartedly. “Oh my god, Taeyong, your face!”“So, is that a—” Mark asked, innocently. “—yes or no?”“You kids should go study or something! What even happens in the dreamies dorm?” Taeyong asked, worriedly.Haechan walked into the kitchen aimlessly and his expression brightened suddenly. “Mark! Just the man I was looking for. Do you want me to do a tarot card reading for you? Come along.”“Oh no…” But Mark was already being dragged away. He disappeared into what was probably a long hour of crazy tarot readings.Taeyong looked at Jaehyun and then covered his face. “I feel so shy looking at you.”“Says the man who had his tongue down my throat literally seconds ago.”Ten groaned as he walked in on this, getting hit by what he was going to start calling DLCB (disgustingly-loud-couple-behaviour). “Guys, guys. A man is sick and you two are flirting?” His eyes widened as he realized they were holding hands. “Oh my god, you’re—you’re…”“A couple, yeah,” Jaehyun said, proudly.“Dating before me? Traitor!” Ten said.Jaehyun and Taeyong laughed.Yuta walked into the room and asked. “Who’s dating?”Ten pointed towards Jaeyong.Yuta’s eyes widened. He called out, “Winwin-ah, everyone’s dating. This isn’t fair. When will you admit you love me?”“He loves me,” Taeil replied from somewhere in the house.“This Friday, let’s go on a date,” Jaehyun said, ignoring the heightening commotion in the dorm.“A date date?” Taeyong asked.Jaehyun nodded. “I know a place.”Taeyong smiled. “Okay, it’s a date.”
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Jaehyun was a considerate boyfriend.It didn’t matter how diverging their schedules were. Every morning, Taeyong would wake up to find a plate of raisin and ginger pancakes ready for him. And of course, there was the kissing. Shy, awkward Taeyong could never get used to Jaehyun’s penchant for sneaking a kiss whenever possible but oh, how he loved it.There was a time when Taeyong used to think that Jaehyun and him were close but every hour brought them closer, even when they were apart. With them there was no holding back. Jaehyun texted him all the time and it was so tough to hide the huge smile that would grace Taeyong’s features when he would pick up his phone to find a text (more like a hundred from him). He was secretly overjoyed Jaehyun went out of his way for him because he knew damn well that Jaehyun didn’t even like texting much.“I thought you didn’t like texting people,” Taeyong had asked him, one day, soon after the whole dorm found out they had kissed and decided to throw them a Fudging Finally! Party.Jaehyun raised an eyebrow lazily. “Yeah, so?”They were sitting on the couch watching some anime Yuta was forcing everyone to watch because damn, goals, Winwin, I hope you’re taking notes.Taeyong looked at him, confused. “You text me a lot though?”“You’re not just ‘people’. You’re you.”When Taeyong didn’t reply, expression stunned, Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “What? Like it’s surprising?”The older guy looked away, bangs low over his eyes. “O-oh, thanks.”Jaehyun nudged him playfully. “You’re ready for tomorrow?”Right, the date.Every time Taeyong thought about it, his inside would twist into super-excited butterflies and his face would heat up. So, of course, Jaehyun made a point to mention it at least fifteen times every day of that ridiculously slow week they counted down for that special Friday.“Yes,” Taeyong answered, face shining like the sun.Jaehyun grinned, leaning in to kiss his cheek.“Eww, guys, get a room,” Haechan screeched loudly on purpose, making everyone turn around.Taeyong ran a hand over his flaming red face. “Haechan!”Jaehyun pulled him in, allowing him to hide in the warmth of his shoulder. He laughed. “I know Taeyongie is pretty as fuck but you guys can stop staring now.”“Oh my God,” Johnny groaned. “You guys are worse than this anime couple!”Yuta made a lunge for Johnny. “Take that back! This is my favourite anime couple.”Everyone started bickering by then and Taeyong who loved Jaehyun’s warmth used the commotion to kiss his neck quickly. Jaehyun stiffened, his ears turning pink. “Taeyong,” he warned.“What?” Taeyong laughed, kissing him again, on his jaw this time.“I could give the guys a show so stop testing me,” Jaehyun said, smiling dangerously.“You’re hot, you know that? And right about as dangerous as a plushie.”-Taeyong was an understanding boyfriend.He had always liked to take care of the younger man. He knew that Jaehyun’s room was messy but that he liked scented candles. No matter how tiring a week would get, Taeyong would always take care to clean the room and sure enough, when Jaehyun returned from a late NCT Night Night schedule, his room would be scented with his favourite candles.Jaehyun could never get over the hundreds of subtle, tiny things Taeyong did for him without him even expressing what he wanted. Taeyong just knew.Just like how he knew that Jaehyun liked to meet the world with a smile but he also knew that sometimes Jaehyun’s smile was too tight and when that happened, he would pull him into bed at night. They would just lie there listening to Johnny complain from across the room, can’t we just change rooms? I’m losing my beauty sleep.They ignored Johnny, maybe even telling him to go to Jaehyun’s room, but mostly they would just lie there in silence. Taeyong would pat Jaehyun’s head and eventually the tension in Jaehyun’s shoulder would ease and they would fall asleep.Jaehyun knew the dorm was their safe bubble and the members were so protective of them but the world outside was sometimes so scary. It didn’t affect Taeyong as much as it did Jaehyun or maybe it was that Taeyong had already had a fair share of the sharpness of the media but Jaehyun who never really got used to the cameras felt hyperaware whenever they went anywhere on schedule. As if someone would find out and something would happen.He had once told Winwin his worries. “I know it’s not like we’re normal people who can get away with whatever. We’re always in the public eye and I know it shouldn’t affect me and it’s more him than me that I’m thinking about. He’s the leader, after all. He has so many responsibilities and I don’t want to add to his problems by doing something I shouldn’t. I’m scared for him.”Taeyong had heard him and pulled him out onto the balcony. They had stared at the sky for what seemed like ages until Taeyong finally spoke up, “You shouldn’t worry. I won’t let anything happen to us. What you said…it’s true, we don’t have normal lives but seriously what is normal? I know we’re idols and in the public eye most of the time but I believe we should be allowed to love whoever we want to. So, I know you’re scared but I love you. I love you so much and it might not mean a lot but I will always choose you, no matter what.”He was too stunned to say anything in response then but he promised himself as he hugged Taeyong, that that evening when they went out, he would say it back.-“What if he’s late? Will you go into angry ninja mode again?” Taeil asked, stuffing popcorn into his face.Taeil and Yuta had taken the date very seriously and had stormed into his room around five o’ clock, offering advice and helping him dress up. After fighting over everything because their styles didn’t match—Taeil wanted something colourful and striking while Yuta wanted something subtle and sexy—and they absolutely didn’t allow Taeyong to choose anything of his choice. The end result was that Taeyong was wearing a bright orange pullover (which belonged to Taeil) and skinny, black jeans (that belonged to Yuta).“You must wear this studded choker!” Taeil said forcing it around his neck. “And rings! One for every finger.”“I don’t think—” Taeyong began.Yuta sat him down. “I’m doing your hair. Jaehyun is going to die when he looks at you.”“At your fashion sense? I fear he might,” Taeyong muttered but his words had no effect on the two.When finally, at eight, he was allowed to look at himself in the mirror, he opened his eyes warily.He frowned as he saw his reflection in the mirror. He looked good. Really different but actually good. His silver-grey hair was styled in a neat quiff with a few strands falling over right eye. His eyes were lined and he had a tint of orange eye-shadow that twinkled ever so slightly in the light. He raised his fingers and he wondered if the black nail paint had been a bit too much but he was thankful that Taeil had limited the rings to five in total. The orange pullover and the black jeans were a surprise match. Even the choker peeking over the cardigan looked okay. He nodded towards his tired ‘stylists’. “It’s not bad, Taeil hyung, Yuta. Thanks for letting me wear my own boots.”The other two hugged each other in pride. Taeil had tears in his eyes. “I wanted to glue shiny sequins on to your boots but Yuta didn’t let me. It doesn’t matter because you look so perfect.”“He does, doesn’t he?” Yuta said, fondly. “We should become stylists. I mean, if we can make Taeyong look hot…”Taeyong threw a pillow at him. “It’s a miracle of my appearance that I look good in everything. Now, pass me my jacket?”They couldn’t find his black leather jacket and in the end the ‘stylists’ decided Taeyong would have to go in his pullover and just shiver until Jaehyun offered him his own.It was still five minutes to eight—the designated time that Jaehyun was supposed to pick him up for the date—and the three of them were waiting on the couch. Taeil and Yuta had started feasting on popcorn after their tiring afternoon and when Taeil asked the question, Yuta’s head was just dropping forward in sleep.“What if he’s late? Will you go into angry ninja mode again?”Yuta opened his eyes to scowl at him.Taeyong shrugged, unfazed. “He’ll be here.”Taeil and Yuta looked at each other worriedly.“Yes, but if he isn’t we can wait for a bit. It’s a pre-recording for NCT Night Night. Takes some time,” Yuta said.“I won’t explode, guys,” Taeyong said, smiling with ease.And they understood that Taeyong had changed. He had lost his doubts and become so much more confident. It was nice to see.Taeil nudged Yuta. “You can rest your head on my shoulder. It won’t burn.”Yuta scoffed. “As if.” He grudgingly set his head on Taeil’s shoulder. “Only because my neck aches. Only for two minutes.”“You guys must be really tired,” Taeyong commented, shocked.“I wonder where Winwin is.”“I wonder where Winwin is.”The voices echoed.Taeyong let out a sigh. “Nope. You two are still the same.”The bell rang.He froze. His eyes noting that it was exact eight and he gulped.“Go on, open the door!” Yuta said, suddenly wide awake.Taeil pushed him and finally, Taeyong was opening the door.On the other side of the door, Jaehyun stood with a bouquet of roses. He whispered nervously to Winwin, “Do I look okay?”Winwin rolled his eyes. “Jaehyun, he liked you when you were ugly-drunk.”“No, but seriously, do I look okay? Like date-material okay?”“You look per—”The door swung open and Jaehyun’s heart nearly dropped out of his chest. He was aware Winwin was pushing slightly but his feet were not moving. His throat was dry and his heart was hammering. Because holy shit, Taeyong looked drop dead gorgeous.“Hi, Jaehyun,” Taeyong smiled, shyly.“You look—”“Different? I know,” he giggled, nervously.“Beautiful.”There was background crying and clapping from the ‘stylists’.Taeyong stopped. “Oh.” He looked back at him. “Have you seen yourself?”Because damn, Jaehyun looked so beautiful. He was wearing ripped jeans and a plain white tee topped with a black leather jacket. His lilac hair was combed back sharply. There was a light smattering of silver on his eyelids which were dazzling. He was wearing a dangling earring that was shining against his right ear.“Are those for me?” Taeyong asked, pointing to the bouquet, amused at how Jaehyun’s was still staring at him, mouth agape.“Y-Yeah, these are for y-you.” Jae handed him the bouquet quickly.Taeyong laughed. “You’re so cute. Thank you.”Winwin walked into the dorm, past them. “You guys continue talking on the threshold. I’m going inside. Be sure to praise him, Tae, he’s changed outfits thrice already.”Taeyong patted Jaehyun’s jacketed chest. “So, that’s where my jacket went.” He put the bouquet in a vase quickly and ran back to Jae. “Okay, let’s go.”As they walked out of the building, hand in hand, Jaehyun whispered, “Shit, I’m so lucky.”“You know, I thought I would be the nervous one and you would be the confident one. If I knew Taeil and Yuta’s fashion sense would do this, I would have asked them to help sooner.”“I like the nail paint,” Jaehyun admitted almost shyly.“You do?”Jaehyun nodded.Taeyong shrugged. “I guess I like it too then. Are we walking to the restaurant?”“No, we’re going on a bike!” Jaehyun said, excitedly. He pointed towards the parking lot. “I remembered you wanted to go on one!”Taeyong peered in the dark and his eyes widened. “Um, Jae, I really appreciate this but I wanted to go on bike ride, as in a bicycle ride. That’s a motorbike!”“Oh, well, it’ll still be fun. I learnt how to ride it from Chanyeol hyung yesterday so don’t worry.”Taeyong looked at the bike dubiously. “You know, I think it’s a beautiful night to walk.”“C’mon,” Jaehyun said, “you won’t know until you try.”It took Taeyong two tries to get on behind Jaehyun and he bumped his helmet against the latter’s but finally he had shifted enough to find a good place. He held the ends of Jaehyun’s jacket lightly. “Okay, I’m ready. Let’s go.”The whole ride was basically Taeyong screaming himself hoarse in Jaehyun’s ear and hugging him so tightly that Jaehyun was sure a few of his ribs were bruised.“That was amazing,” Taeyong said, when they got down from the bike. “I loved it. I think that’s how those scary, huge rollercoaster must feel. I should try a rollercoaster next!”Jaehyun looked at his flushed face and he realized he was serious. His eyes twinkled as he said, “I seriously thought you were going to jump off when we went over that speed-breaker but okay. We’ll go on a rollercoaster next date.”“I only clutched you because it was scary but like a good scary, you know? There’s a word for it.”Jaehyun took his hand and they walked inside their favourite little side-street restaurant. “Sublime?”They sat at their usual table at the badly-lit, homely corner. “Yes, exactly. Thanks. It’s crazy how you know ever—” He stopped when he caught Jaehyun staring at him. “What?”Jaehyun couldn’t help smiling fondly at Taeyong. “I can’t believe you’re on a date with me.”Taeyong looked around and then leaned over the table, kissing Jaehyun. He sat back quickly. “Did that feel real enough?”“I don’t know. Can you give it another try?” Jae’s cheeks dimpled.“Haha, let’s order first.”Half-way through the jajangmyeon Jaehyun saw Taeyong laughing while telling him something funny and he knew this was the moment people wrote songs about and remembered for the rest of their lives. This was it. He felt warm and fuzzy inside. Taeyong felt close to him. He felt complete and happy, the happiest he had ever felt. He blurted out, “I love you.”That resulted in Taeyong choking over his food and nearly suffocating but after the coughing and the spluttering and Jaehyun patting his back sympathetically, Taeyong said, “You could have killed me!”Jaehyun repeated, “I love you,” and then looked down, smiling. “So much.”Taeyong caught his hand across the table and held it, caressing his knuckles. “I love you too, so much.”“No, you don’t get it. I love you so much that I find myself smiling at the most mundane things. I love the way you look for me in a crowd and how you say the sweetest things, how you take care of all us but also of me. You’re perfect and I swear, your hand feels just right in mine. Hell, just hearing you breathe next to me, makes the world better. And I love your eyes and your smile. Especially the one you have specially for me. You make everything right and you make me a better person. You’re whom I am always walking to so thank you for walking with me. You might love me now but, Taeyong, I have loved you since day one and I don’t know if you realize it, but everything you do, every day we’ve spent together, I’ve only loved you more and more. So, when I tell you, I love you, that is what I mean.”Taeyong looked like he was about to cry. His eyes were shining when he replied, “Jae, I…I wish I had something as beautiful to say as this but I want you to know right here. I want it to be clear that no way can you take credit for loving me longer because the first day we met? I knew you were the one. I was so scared you wouldn’t feel the same way and I did so many stupid things to impress you. You’re difficult to impress. Because you’re the perfect one. I love every bit of you and your dimples…why are you so beautiful? And I don’t mean your pretty face. I mean, how you always look out for me, how you make every morning worth looking forward to, how you make everything better, how much effort you put into everything. I find comfort with you. I don’t even mind that you’re messy and leave the kitchen cabinet open every morning.” He laughed. “I seriously don’t. So yes, thank you for telling me what you mean when you say it but you should also know. You’re the one for me. Always. So, when I say I love you too, that is what I mean.”It was a beautiful moment but the restaurant owner told them for the fifth time that it was closing time and they were finally kicked out. It was cold outside but Jaehyun’s lip were warm on Taeyong’s and he loved the way Jaehyun pulled him close, enveloping him in his jacket. He smiled into the kiss with contentment.Jaehyun cupped his face in his cool hands and whispered, “I love you”, as he kissed him again. Taeyong mumbled, “I love you so much, Jae,” as he pushed him towards the restaurant wall and proceeded to mess up Jaehyun’s perfectly styled hair. The lights went out around them as the restaurant closed down, enveloping them in darkness.Taeyong hugged Jaehyun close, sighing happily as he placed his head on Jaehyun’s chest. “Thank you for tonight.”Jaehyun pressed his lips against Taeyong’s soft hair and whispered, “Thank you for loving me.”It was the first of their many dates and there would be so many things that would happen down the line but right then, as they walked around aimlessly around the restaurant, holding hands and stealing kisses on each other’s swollen lips, it was as if the night had made the skyline just so much more fantastic for them.They reached home late, fifteen past two, after walking around for ages and then riding the bike home which consisted of another session of Taeyong squeezing Jaehyun tightly and screaming himself hoarse. A part of Taeyong wished Taeil and Yuta were awake so he could show off that Jaehyun had actually lent him his jacket (“It’s yours anyway and I am not shivering!”) but except for Haechan who was playing on his xbox, everyone was asleep.They found Ten curled up in Taeyong’s bed and so, half past two found Jaeyong on the couch in the living room, still giddy with happiness, whispering to each other.“It’s okay,” Taeyong said, referring to Ten hogging his bed. “I’m too excited to sleep anyway.”“Me too,” Jaehyun said, settling comfortably on the couch, draping his arm around Taeyong’s shoulder. “Want to watch a movie?”“Yes.”Curled up against each other, Taeyong whispered, “I could get used to this. Us.”Jaehyun hummed, pressing his lips against Taeyong’s cheek. “Me too.”And little did they know but it was just the start of greater things to come. They would meet it all together, with warm smiles, and flowers, correct juice cartons, kisses and everything else to swear by.