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"Harvey?"~ Everyone else had left the room after the voting. Jessica stood in front of me. " I know you hate Hardman, but he will be here again." "You need to get over it, he will be your boss. " I was still processing what just happened when it hit me, "my boss?, you are my boss" I said."Not anymore, he is still higher than me, and he wanted you on his service, he demanded it actually". I got a chill, but I suppressed it. I snapped, "he isn't even here yet, and you give me away already?" I walked angry towards my office, " Where is Mike?’’ I asked Donna. “Probably at home, you sent him there remember?” I remembered, I send him home as punishment, because that was something Mike didn’t like. But he screwed up, and I didn't want to see him today.While I was working in my office my cell rang, it was Mike. “What do you want?” “I just wanted to know, if there is anything I can do for tomorrow?", he asked cautious. I knew, he meant well but he just really called at a bad time.” Don’t call me again today and if you are late tomorrow you can go home again, understand?” and I hung up.It was late when Donna came into my office, “ I’m going home, but Hardman is settled and he wants to see you”. A feeling of instant fear came over me, I was breathing heavy, but I stood up, I had to because he wouldn’t dare to do it again, would he? I shook of my feelings and walked to the office of Daniel as slow as I could. I hadn't seen him in ten years, he sent some guy doing his work, until it was final he could stay here.Everyone at this firm looked up to me or was scared of me. But if they knew what Daniel had done to him, he would never be able to get a job anywhere, his status and career where to important at this point. Daniel made it very clear he wouldn't ever get a job, but he didn’t had anything he could blackmail me with, I hoped at least, and I wasn’t that naive young men anymore. My body felt like as if I had to do a major presentation and I was about to have a nervous breakdown. His office was closed off, you couldn’t see anything from standing outside, I guess he wanted his privacy, but he was the boss, he could do that.Angry but scared I opened the door and closed it behind me. There he was, just like I remembered him, a face that would always betray you.“Hello Harvey, long time no see, please sit”. I sat, because I know he wasn’t asking. This feeling made me angry, I was Harvey for crying out loud, no one messed with me. And no one ever did, but Daniel.I didn’t want him to give the satisfaction of overrule me so I looked right at him. He started the conversation, “You changed, you became even more handsome you know that?” I had a pit in my stomach, but he wasn’t going to get me off guard. “ What the hell do you want?” I asked him."Can't a man just enjoy the view?" " But you are right, as usual, why waste time". Within the second his attitude changed, he stood and locked his door. That sound was to familiar, and I wasn't planning to let him use me again, so I stood up and faced him, fast regretting that decision. Deep down I was still afraid of him, but he was strong. He pushed me so hard I couldn't keep my balance and fell on the floor, but as fast as I fell, I stood up again, I boxed these days, he wouldn't win from me again. "Shut up and sit down" he sounded very angry, I have something you might want to hear". " What could you possible have?" He tossed me a file, it took me a second to grab it, and with shaking hands -which I was trying to hide-, I opened it, shocked I looked up to Daniel, he smirked. I grabbed myself together, "you have nothing" , he laughed, " nothing?" You arrogant prick, I know about Mike, and pictures of you going down on a man, who is of course unrecognizable".After I drop this on Jessica's desk, and got your career destroyed,” he paused for a moment, " I like Mike, he could help me out." And there he got me, what could I say? My own carrier destroyed, I could consider that, but to put Mike in this position? Never! He knew he got me where he wanted me, al he had to say where his old words: " come here my boy". I felt sick and ashamed, it was like ten years ago, all over again. But Daniel sat on his desk, waiting for me, and I knew I was in trouble. How could I let this happen? To me? But Daniel got impatient and shoved me to the desk and made me sit on it. He was to fast, it frustrated me, I was so much stronger than him. Before I realized I had pushed him away. He slapped me in my face and opened his door, one big man stepped in and I knew I was in trouble. "He is my personal protection, I hired him but for extra cash he helps me with you". The guy looked like a bodybuilder, no way I could beat that guy. Daniel locked his door, then he stood before me again. "So this is gonna happen; I will do whatever I want, my way or and he looked at the guy, we let Tom help me". Just to be clear, you are my boy again, understood?" The big guy took a step towards me, I sighed and shivered, "yes" I said weak.He placed a camera on the table, the same as we uses in interviews, "Oh no" I said, "you're not filming this". He nodded at Tom and he smacked me on the floor, the punch was so hard I was dizzy for a second. "Now" he said while I was making my way trying to stand up " You are going to strip, consider it foreplay, you remember how I liked it right?" I looked at him, knowing I couldn't say or do a thing about it, I cursed at myself. Suddenly Tom was yanking of my jacket "hey!" With no sound he ripped off my shirt as well, I tried to push him away but I got a few punches in my stomach as answer. Then he stepped back, I tried to breath through the pain as I looked at Daniel. "Your turn, it happens anyway, you decide with how much bruises boy". I didn't let him see my pain or shame, not again but I had no choice so I started with my shoes. "Come on boy, where are your emotions?, back in the day you used to cry a lot you know".I took off my pants, "That was 10 years ago". "true, but oh boy you improved a lot" I saw he got aroused just by looking at me, he stared at my boxers and I knew I had to take them off. More ashamed then I let them know, I stood there. Daniel stood up, and he looked like a puppy who just found his toy. I had been fighting to try to forget the feeling of his hands for the past ten years and now they were so close again, he felt my chest and he let out a moan. I looked at him with disgust, his hands were soft but very cold, I couldn't stop myself from shivering at his touch. Then he looked me right in the eye and grabbed my penis, I didn't know what to do, the big man was standing very close. I refused to show them my fear, which became a really hard job. He stroked me and kissed me, he tasted like stinking cigars. Finally he stopped and took a seat. "Come on boy, you know what to do". I knew exactly what he meant, so I started stroking myself, I wanted to die on the spot I felt so humiliated. "Come on Tom, it looks like he can't get it up!" They both took their clothes off, "what?" I probably looked shocked because Daniel laughed at me. "Yeah, but me first, on your knees boy". I didn't want to, that would mean I surrender, but there was no way out so I went on my knees before Daniel.While I was working on him, I heard him moan, all I wanted to do is cry but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. He stopped me and waved to Tom, who on his turn threw me on my back and held me down with my hands above my head, no boxing experience could help me now. "Now my boy, he demanded, spread em for me" I struggled but the big man made it clear he had me, even with one hand and he used his free hand to tease me, his hand found my nipples. I let out a moan, when Daniel got down on me. The big man handed Daniel a bottle which I knew what it was. He put on a condom and he poured it generous over his fingers. It was the same disgusting feeling, his fingers inside,I didn't want to feel them but then then I saw the condom, it scared me. "You have had your fun now, so just let me go!" He pulled out his fingers and looked at me but didn't said a word. He came over me and kissed me, "no!" He only did the whole packages once, and I remembered how much it hurt me. The fear was probably all written over my face because Daniel looked satisfied, and without a warning he came inside. I wanted to go away, but the big man had no problem holding me down while I struggled. Daniel went faster and I couldn't help but let a tear run down my face. I kept my eyes closed while he was enjoying himself and I let out a unwanted moan so now and then. Then he finally stopped and I opened my eyes, he came all over me but at this point I didn't want to set him off to do more things, I didn't have to.. He put his clothes back on and turned to Tom, "Do what you want, but make sure he comes", and he went to sit down to watch the show. Tom aggressively helped me on my feet and threw me at the window, I felt the cold of the window on my chest. I was at a point I didn't care to put up a fight anymore so I let it happen, he grabbed my ass and he rubbed his cock against it, I guess he was ready.I balled my fists because I saw that he didn't had a small size, I looked trough the window and tried to focus on something. Then I felt him put some lotion on my hole, "what?! No! Not there!" No one has ever did something to him there, but it was to late, he grabbed my shoulders and he pushed himself inside me and slammed me at the window with every push, I cried and breathed heavy, and prayed he would be done soon. He grabbed my penis and started stroking it, I couldn't handle the pleasure and pain at the same time, it was too much! My ass was on fire, and I felt something dripping inside my thighs, I cursed, he was almost done because he slowed down and with one last push he came, I was now covered in come from both of them, great. He turned me around and he went on his knees, I could hardly feel the pleasure with my ass still blaming me for its pain. But finally I felt something but I didn't say anything so I came in his mouth, he pushed me away and cursed, when he cleaned his mouth he threw me on the floor and kicked me, I protected my head, so my stomach took all the hits."Stop!" I heard Daniel say, " we're leaving, come on". I saw Daniel coming towards me, I take the video with me so I can enjoy this all over again, he looked at me as a kid who was forced to leave a candy-store. "See you tomorrow my boy. "I cursed myself as they left, I took a moment to realize the damage, besides a whole lot of bruises and a sore ass I would be fine. I laughed at myself, he is now literally a pain in my ass, I could cry at my own thoughts, I put on my pants and carried everything to my office, which had no privacy, but I had blinds and I closed them. I saw it was too late to go home, so I opened the door to my shower, a small one, but I was glad Jessica agreed me on it because I slept here more than I did at home on busy days.I took all my clothes and threw them in the trash, I didn't care it was a couple of thousand dollars, I never wanted to see those clothes ever again. I stepped into the shower, and with the hot water I tried to erase all the hands, but my behind was sore and had a nagging pain. I punched the wall, cursing at myself and I started crying. How could this happen? I never let someone blackmail me before. I shook my head, not now, while still crying I tried to clean myself up the best that I could.I put on new pants and a shirt and I went to lie down on the couch in the corner where nobody could see me, and while fighting my inner demons I finally fell asleep."Harvey?" It was Donna "are you okay?" I moved an inch and with the pain all the memories from last night came back at me. I stood up because I couldn't bare to sit, "I'm fine". She looked at me and waited for an explanation, of course she didn't believe me. I briefly hugged her and gave her a kiss on her forehead " I'll tell you someday", " okay Harvey you officially scared me". You look tired", I could said I was fine again, but you couldn't fool Donna. "Tell me if you need anything okay?" "You are my assistance that is your job", " I mean it Harvey" " I know, thanks". She walked away, I got dressed and without thinking I sighed and let myself fall in my chair, I cursed. Come on Harvey you have to be able to sit. "Good morning" it was Mike, "morning, you can start on..", "done" and he put the files on my desk. He looked at me, waiting to say something, while all I could think about is that I didn't had this pain if he wasn't here, I knew it wasn't fair. " well" I said, " then you can also handle the questions, don't screw it up". " Really? Thanks", I didn't look at him, "Go , it starts in 2 minutes". In his enthusiast he almost bumped into everyone, it made me laugh, which went away the moment I saw Daniel with his guard. I tried to look busy when he came in." I see you are here early", I saw him smirking, " is that a problem?". "No, no my boy not at all". I shivered, I hated those words. " then what do you need? I'm working". He stared at me, " I just wanted to see if you were okay, you were a mess last night." I stood up in anger, fast regretting that decision, but I masked the pain. "Out! Now!" He seemed surprised, " It seems you haven't learned your lessons last night, I have to try harder". But of course I'll let you rest" he winked at me while he left. Donna came in and closed the blinds, she grabbed my hands who were shaking from anger and fear. "Harvey?" I wanted to smash everything in sight, but I swallowed my emotions, again. "Come sit down for a second". "I'd rather stand". "What the hell happened yesterday? I gave her a hug, I opened the blinds, with my back towards her I dared to say something, "let's say I won't be able to sit normally for a while". When I didn't hear anything I turned around, "the great Donna out of words?", " that's not funny Harvey, are you gonna be okay?". "Yeah, I lied, I will be." Tell me if you need anything, and Harvey? It isn't Mike's fault you know, he looks up to you." I know, I'm gonna prepare for that interview later, can you tell Mike to get in here when he is ready?". She waited a second before leaving, " he could help you you know, at least talk to someone".She knew I wasn't going to do that, That would mean weakness.I was working - at least trying to-, but my thoughts kept tormenting me with the memories.Fuck! I didn't even notice I deleted the file I was working on. Normally I would start over, but today it felt like I was defeated. I saw Mike coming, it made me smile, he reminded me so much of me before.... Oh shit, I had the feeling my mind really hated me. He was enthusiastic, "Harvey! I kicked their asses!" I smiled, "good job kid". That made him even happier, " oh" he said, " Jessica gave this to me, she said we both must work on this. I looked through the files, "shit" I said, I looked at Mike, " I was already working on this, but just a minute ago I deleted the file by accident." Mike looked at me with his big smile, "The big Harvey made a mistake?". " Yeah, but wipe that smile off your face, you are my associate and you are going to help me with this file". "But that's gonna be night work". I laughed, yes, that's what happens when I make a mistake". "Totally not cool". "Grab a chair" I said to Mike, "we need to finish this."I actually enjoyed myself, I saw Mike working his ass off for his mistake, I felt guilty but he could really use his help. He could watch him working like that forever, but Mike looked up, "what's up?" "You can get us some food, take my card, but hurry we don't have that much work anymore." "He jumped up, "thank god, I'm starving!". Because of Mike I didn't noticed my pain a couple of hours. How could he ever admit to Mike he really liked him, without losing his dignity? - which he already had lost in his mind-. That was the reason of his never lasting relationships, he knew that, his pride was to present to let him do what he wanted."Late night working?" My heart skipped a beat, it was Daniel " what do you want?" He came in, "just checking in"."Well I'm busy, so just go". I stood up and opened the door as a gesture. But I bite my tongue when I saw the big men walking behind him. "You're not going to cry now, I hope?". "No, but I just want to be left alone". He grabbed me below and squeezed it, " You can't get what you want, you are mine now." At those words I pushed him away, ~not thinking of course~, he fell on the floor. " I don't belong to anyone!" The big men helped him on his feet, "you made a mistake boy". And he stormed out of my room, god I was stupid. Then suddenly the big men threw a punch in my stomach and walked away, "thanks" I said, "I appreciate it". That punch hurted more than it should have, I opened up my shirt to have a look, it looked like a freaking rainbow ,so much bruises. "Harvey?" I never heard Mike coming, I tried to button up my shirt, but he startled me and my hands were shaking, I cursed."What the hell happened to you Harvey?!" "Never seen a bruise before?" It was worth a shot. "Oh man, go sit on the couch" he looked at me, "now!". Mike never even dared to raise his voice to him, he knew he just lost his respect from Mike, he was convinced that was true. But I listened and sat down, he searched something in his bag and came to me. He kneeled before me, I knew he wasn't going to do the same as Tom, but the way he sat there, I couldn't bare it so I stood up.He didn't said a word and just came to stand before me. "This is the creme I use at the spa with Louis, no, not a word Harvey, take off your shirt, I looked at him, ashamed but I took it off. I saw he choked his words when he saw my whole chest, "you can say what you want". He looked at me, "well? Which asshole did this to you?" I didn't answer but just looked away. His hands touched my chest, in fear I grabbed his hands, my hands were still shaking. "I'm not going to hurt you, I'm just going to put some creme on your chest, alright?" I let go of his hand, but I didn't had the nerve to look at him, while his face was what I needed to calm down. He was standing so close it made me nervous, but at his touch I calmed down. I never thought I could let anyone touch me there again. "All done" he dawdled for a moment, I looked him in the eye, "thanks". All I could think about where his lips, but I didn't know if he wanted to go further, and I succeeded, I freaked myself out at that thought. And in that moment Mike gave me a kiss, I just looked at him in surprise, "s-sorry". "Never apologize kid", and I kissed him back, his lips were soft and nice and I actually liked kissing him, and he didn't complain. I missed this, and god I liked it. "Harvey?" "Sst" Mike laughed and he kissed me again, I took his head in my hands, and I felt safe for the moment. I hugged Mike, let myself be vulnerable. " I'm sorry kid". "No, it's alright" he hugged me back.Mike stroked my face, "are you really okay?". "I will be", I lied, I wanted to tell him so bad what was bothering me. " okay, because you can't be all beat up" and his hands went to my behind, which every other day would arouse me but now I felt insane pane. With tears in my eyes I turned my back to Mike. "Please go". "No I will not, I'm not going away because you cry?!" He sounded sincere. I turned around, "I never cry!" While my tears said otherwise. "Alright" he swept my tears away, " but you can with me". He gave me a kiss, "come on, we did enough for today, don't you think? The store was closed anyway". I swallowed my words, I've never liked it when someone made a decision on my behalf, but I was exhausted so I let him. I felt a bit better when we went downstairs, away from the building. I saw Mike's hesitation, I kissed him, "see you tomorrow kid" I saw him smiling searching for his bike. I saw he had a flat tire, I stopped a cab, "well come on kid, you can fix that tomorrow". Little confused he came with me in the cab. "Are you sure?" Mike asked. I smiled, "it's just a place to sleep".As fast as I demanded him to come with me, I regretted it, I needed some alone time but then again, I couldn't let him stand there, could I ? And that's what I kept saying to myself the whole the ride home."This is your house?!" I laughed, "yea it is".Mike walked to the couch, I was glad he did, that way I wouldn't have to deny him my bed. I gave him some sheets, "goodnight". He smiled and lied down on the couch.I crawled under the blankets, my bed felt safe and I could even lie on my back.I tried to get some sleep, but every time I closed my eyes I felt disgusted, I was so angry with myself for letting this happen, again!I fought my own thoughts, and then when my brain decided it had enough I fell asleep."Harvey?, wake up!" I woke up and saw Mike on my bed. "What are you doing in my room?" I tried to make it sound more like a question then a terrified statement. "You talk, well more scream in your sleep, you know that?" " No Mike, how could I?". "Are you okay?" He looked at me as if I was wounded, and I regretted it that I let myself go with him. " Go get some sleep, I'm fine". "Sure?" I bite my tongue, "yes, sure". " Tell me if you need anything?" "Christ Mike, I'm not a charity case, nor wounded. I just had a bad dream, can I sleep now?" I was more harsh than I intended to be but I got him out of my room. I remembered the dream, it happened when I was stressed or upset, it was about Daniel ten years ago. I shook my head, tried to sleep, but all I wanted to do was cry, I cried as softly as I could so I would not alert Mike. I didn't deserve him, he was to kind. And while I was crying myself to sleep, I never noticed Mike in the doorway, hearing me cry.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
My alarm went off, I went to the living room and woke Mike. "What time is it man?"," It's 5AM", " are you insane?!" "Well if you want a ride to work you'll have to get up". He couldn't argue so he got up, "I'm gonna take a shower, help yourself on some breakfast". Still sore from the bruises I went into the shower, besides the bruises I finally starting to feel a bit better. I put on my pants and was looking for a shirt in the closet in my bedroom. "Harvey?" I almost got a heart attack and quickly turned my back towards Mike and put on a shirt. I cursed myself now he saw it again. Mike didn't said a word, I guess he was scared he would piss me off, but no matter how sorry I was for my behavior last night, sorry was a sign for weakness, he learned that the hard way. "I just wanted to take a shower, sorry". Seeing him standing there made me weak. "It's alright kid, go ahead". Instead of walking to the bathroom he walked towards me, "I'm sorry Harvey, I didn't mean to smother you". " you didn't, I didn't mean what I said". I took his head in my hands and kissed him with full passion. He laid his hand on my chest, " how is the pain?". "It's fine, I'll live". "Who did that to you?". I didn't know how to answer that, I wanted to tell, but then he would be in danger to. "I got it with boxing", I lied. He sighed, I guess he didn't believe me, he turned around and went into the shower. I ate breakfast and waited for Mike to be done, what could take so long for him to do in there?. I walked to the bathroom door, wanted to say he had to hurry up. I was about to knock on the door when I heard a suppressed moan, something inside me tingle at hearing him being so aroused. I wished I could give him what he clearly wanted, but I got a knot in my stomach for just thinking about it. I walked to the living room waiting for him to be done. I must have dozed off because when I woke the sun was shining, I saw Mike at the table with my laptop and papers. "What time is it?" , he looked up and came sit next to me. "It's 12PM, but I called Jessica and asked if we could work from here today". "You did what?!, why the hell didn't you wake me?!". "I did, I tried to, but you were really out of it, I couldn't wake you, so I decided to let you sleep". I looked at him with disbelief, he made a decision for him, again! "Don't you think I could think for myself?". I sighed, "just go and work some more, I come in a minute". I saw Mike doubting for a moment, "are we okay?" he asked. "Yeah, you meant well, it's okay". Mike walked to the table and went back to work. I made myself crazy with my own thoughts, I wanted to kiss him badly, but how could I explain I couldn't go further, even if I wanted to. I wouldn't have this problem if Hardman hadn't came back. Suddenly I heard Mike panicking, I walked to him, " take it easy kid, what's wrong?". He didn't said a word but just looked at the screen with full disgust. I looked over his shoulder to see where he was looking at, I saw myself in the video Hardman made the other day. I paused it, it was at the moment I was about to strip. I looked at Mike, I was furious, " how did you get that?!" Mike still looked at the screen, I turned him around, "Mike!". "I got an email, it said new policy for people who disobey at work, so I just clicked at the link". I just heard half what he just said, I looked at myself at the screen. "Why would he sent you that?", he looked at me, "to frighten or warn me is my guess. I sat down next to him, rubbing my face, god what a mess. "Is this how you got the bruises?". There was no way around it and I couldn't care less anymore. "Ten years ago, he abused me almost daily, and now he is back. "He looked shocked, "daily?", "yes, and he got away with it, since you are now the only one who knows. " How could you keep that from anyone?", " I became who I am today, but I once was actually exactly like you, but that was a long time ago". "Oh I would have loved to see that Harvey, but that doesn't mean I don't like this Harvey, but with what you had to go through you turned out just fine". I squeezed his hand, he had no idea."Start at the beginning", "what?, are you serious?", "yes, I wasn't brave enough to stop him, so I have to see the video". "No Harvey, you don't have to torment yourself", "Well you aren't going to watch it, only me, but never mind" I closed the laptop," i'm going to box a little, want to come?", "and see you in action? Hell yes". I smiled, I knew he was trying to stop me from seeing that movie. Secretly I was thankful."Hey Harvey! Nice to see you here again mate!" And I smiled when I saw Mike's face, "what?" I asked him. "They all greet you!" I laughed loud, "of course they do, it's respect to each other you know?" "Very funny". I whispered, "it's a rule, when you beat someone they greet you first". His eyes widened" but they almost all..!" I laughed "come on, let's get some frustration out". Once changed I watched Mike practicing, he made me laugh, and forget for a while. "Alright enough, I'm exhausted, you can go now, show off". I kissed him, I saw his face, " don't worry, they all know it here". "Oh". I walked to the ring when I saw Travis, I was shocked to see him, after what Hardman did to us, we both went to a different club. I walked to him, "Harvey?", it was good to see him though, I never had to explain myself, he understood me. He didn't know what to do either so I gave him a hug and whispered in his ear; " be careful, Hardman is back". I felt him shiver, then he looked me in the eye, shocked ," how do you know that?!". "He works at our firm again". He nodded to Mike, "for him I guess?". "Yes he threatened to do it to him". "Tell me if I can help alright?". We went in the ring, and came out, both exhausted but satisfied.Not much later we went to the dressing room, "boy this is great for letting go some steam!". I didn't hear him, I knew we would have to get in the showers because all the way home we would get too cold without a shower. Come on, man up, I said to myself and I got undressed. Mike dawdled but I walked in the showers and Mike came right behind me, I could feel his eyes on me, I felt exposed, but I just had to man up. I showered as fast as I could, when suddenly Mike came closer. He looked at me, "I'm only going to kiss you", I smiled, pushed him against the wall and kissed him. It felt so good, I wanted to see how he looked like when he was aroused, and god, he was sexy. Mike gasped for air but bite his lips when my hand went to his chest. I was a little scared, but I kept looking at Mike but he didn't seem angry nor impatient, he just smiled and breathed funny. I kissed him again and went on my knees, "what if someone comes in?" I smiled and took his penis in my hand, Mike gasped for air and his hands went to my hair, I knew what to do, how to arouse Hardman, but I didn't know what Mike liked. I took him in my mouth and I felt a shiver going through Mike, I guess he didn't need as much as Hardman to get aroused I suppose. I noticed that I liked it, how Mike moved, breathed and looked when he did this to him. Mike was about to come and he didn't mind that I stepped aside, avoiding his cum. I kissed him, "you are beautiful, you know that?" He just smiled, and his hand went to my chest, and I knew he wanted to return the favor, "I'm fine" , I kissed him and went to the dressing room. "Are you okay Harvey?, you didn't have to if you didn't wanted to". "I know, but I wanted to and I did". "now get dressed we've got work to do." "But?..", "Now, Mike!". "Yes sir!", " I'll wait in the car" and I walked towards the parking lot when I saw someone standing by my car and I got a bad feeling when I saw it was Hardman with his -very big- puppy. With semi confidence I walked towards them, " what do you want?". "Just what belongs to me", "oh christ, can't you find someone else with your charm?". Oh I really shouldn't have said that, fuck. He just laughed, " I don't have to", "well without your puppy there you wouldn't have.." I stopped, "got you? " he ended for me. "Can I go? I want to go home", " and leave Mike here?" I froze, how the hell did he know that?. "Did he got an email by the way?". "How am I supposed to know? It's his email isn't?". " you have a big mouth boy", he nodded at Tom and too fast to do something his hands went to my neck, " we will learn you to listen".I was scared for a moment but then Tom let me go, I couldn't say anything even if I wanted to, my hands went to my throat and I was scared for what was going to happen, I knew he could go very far to get what he wanted. But then the door to the garage went open en after -yet another- punch they left. My plan was to get in the car so no one would notice but I was trying to find a way that breathing wouldn't hurt. "Harvey?!", I threw him my keys and went to the passenger's seat. The pain slowly sank away, or I ignored it, but I didn't really care. Mike sat down next to me, and he wanted to speak but then just started the car and drove home. While walking towards the door he spoke, "does it hurt much? We should get that looked at". "I'm fine" that didn't sounded like my voice. In the hallway I looked in the mirror and I was shocked, my neck was swollen and purple. Mike went to the kitchen and came back with something cold in a cloth and he put it around my neck as a scarf. He stood before me checking for other injuries, I kissed him gently, "I'm fine, but I'm glad you guys came". I pressed him against me, I wanted him, before I wouldn't have that chance again. I took off the cold scarf and led Mike to the bedroom. I kissed him, I just couldn't get enough of his soft lips. At this point I didn't felt any pain, I just wanted to make love to someone I was prepared to give myself to. Mike didn't said a word but I saw he hesitated when I unbuttoned his blouse "Harvey? I really want to, but don't you think you should rest?". I knew I should, but I didn't know what I wanted most of the time, I wanted Mike, but I was scared I didn't know how to do this to someone who didn't force me. It drove me crazy but I guess he was right, I shouldn't push myself. I put on the cold scarf and went to lay down on the bed, Mike came lie down next to me. When I woke I smelt dinner, my throat felt better and was now just red. I sat down on the barstool in the kitchen and saw Mike had made soup. He poured soup for both of us and came sit down next to me, "try to eat, you need to eat something". I kissed his forehead, "Thanks Mike" after the soup I went to the bedroom and Mike to the couch, I put aside my fear and asked: 'would you sleep next to me?'. He smiled and shut the bedroom door behind him. The following days we went to work there was no Hardman. And when alarm bells should have gone off, I just enjoyed his absence. "Donna, we're going home, you can go as well, no argument just enjoy your afternoon". Mike walked with me but was very quiet. "What is it Mike?", "I saw Hardman in his office just now". I shivered, "well that is a problem for tomorrow" -I couldn't be more wrong-. I didn't even had to ask anymore, Mike just came home with me and it was nice not to be alone in such a big loft.While working next to Mike, my mind was absent, I hadn't made another move towards Mike and frankly I didn't had the guts. The more I got to know Mike, the more afraid I was. I wasn't the underdog, but in that area I was scared pretty easily. "Harvey? Are you okay?", "yes, I'm sorry", "I shouldn't have said anything about Hardman, I'm sorry, it's just that you haven't said much since you took me boxing last week". And again I stayed silent, how could I tell him? All the nightmares I had, all the memories that had came back to haunt me. I couldn't afford tell anyone my feelings, if anyone would find out, my reputation was destroyed, great lawyers don't have emotions. Mike already went back to work again, I put my hand on his and squeezed it,"you can slow down, this work is for after the weekend ,we could do something together if you want". He put on a big smile, god I missed that smile, suddenly he kissed me. The doorbell rang, I touched his cheek, "Well choose what you want to do". I walked to open the door, -and for the last time ever I opened the door without looking who it was through the peephole-. Tom and another big man stormed in, and one of the two big men went straight to Mike, Tom threw me against the wall and hold me there. Then Hardman walked in with a gun pointed at Mike, "bring him over here, now!", the big man threw Mike on the couch and with his hands on his shoulders he let Mike know he shouldn't try anything, but Mike looked way too scared for that. I got to join Mike but Tom let me trip and started kicking me while I was on the floor, "Stop that!" he stopped and I got to crawl on the couch. Tom came behind me, but I wasn't going to try anything since there were now 2 bodybuilders behind us. "so let's catch up shall we?". I put my hand next to me and got a hold of Mike's hand, he was shaking. "What do you want Hardman?", the smirk he gave scared me, and Mike squeezed my hand. " Did your boy here watched your performance already? "Why?, why would I". Without a word he put on the tv and put a disc in it, and I got nervous I didn't want Mike, or anyone else to see it. "Why can't you just leave us alone? Mike has nothing to do with this, can you at least let him go"?. "No!" He yelled. I've waited long enough, I am making you mine now". He nodded and Tom also put a gun to my head. Hardman knelt before me and went straight to my crotch and stroked it. ' he can watch, how you are mine, and not his"." You are crazy!" , "Oh no doubt about that". Tom pulled me up on my shirt and I heard it tear and he just decided I should take my shirt off. Hardmans hand touched my chest, and my first reaction was to back off, 2 firm hands put me back on my spot but the damage was done, Hardman didn't looked pleased about the fact he disgust me. I didn't look at Mike, but I could hear him troubling on the couch. Tom threw me on the coffee table which was right before Mike's feet. "Now let's get something done shall we". He took off my pants and just smiled at me. He rubbed over my boxer, "has he seen it yet?". "No" was all I said, I didn't said anything about the showers. "Well then", he took off my boxer, "there is my big boy". "make sure he watches" he said to the man behind Mike. With a slap and a gun to his head Mike had no choice but to look at me and he was crying. But I didn't had time because Hardman had my penis in his hand and stroked it. I tried to move, because I had never liked it when he did it. A punch in my stomach by Tom brought me back. It was hard lying there and not being able to do something. He spat on his finger and put them inside me, I flinched, then he put me In his mouth and started to moan himself. I had my hands in fists and tried not to cry or throw him off me. He was busy for a while now, but there was nothing to show for, how could it, I wasn't aroused by him even a little bit. Suddenly he stood and walked to my neck and squeezed it with both hands. "I will get you, even if your boy has to do my work". I wanted to speak, yell, but his hands had left a mark and my throat was to sore. I must have looked pretty angry because Hardman was satisfied with my look, and his decision. "Get him here on his knees". "No!" I found my voice again, " leave him alone!". He didn't listen and ordered Mike before me. Mike was shaking and crying and I wondered if he would ever get over this -not realising my own position-. 'Hurry!' Mike got placed before me on his knees, he held back his tears for me. Tom put a gun to my head and forced Mike to move faster. My fingers touched his hand and he looked at me; "it's okay" said my lips. After a punch to his stomach he got pushed with his head forward. I saw panic in his eyes but he had no choice. The moment he took me in his mouth I felt a tingle and it didn’t take long before I was hard. Mike got thrown on the couch, which probably meant his service were no longer required. Hardman undressed himself and I saw he didn't need any help in getting ready, he looked like he was ready to come. But back in the days I had to do him he never did me, but I guess he changed his plan when he came back. He came and stood over me and stared at me for a few moments. Then without a warning or protection he came inside. 'Aah!' He went faster and faster, meanwhile I tried not to cry or show him any of my pain. I heard Mike crying on the couch, the sound of him crying made me hold it all together, he couldn't see me fall apart, so I hold it inside, the anger and humiliation. I didn't enjoy it at all, the way he did it made what supposed to feel good, feel like torture but then again, that was what he was doing. Hardman started to groan very loud. But then he suddenly stopped and looked at Mike. 'No!' I said 'only me'. Hardman just smiled and gave me a few hard thrusts and then finally came. 'You asked for it, now you take the boys share as well'. Tom came towards me and I was scared, I remembered him very well from the last time. He roughly threw me on my stomach, and now I let a few tears run, because this was going to hurt as hell, but better me then Mike, so I had to hold on for him. Tom couldn't get in without a warning, he simply was too big for that. I let out a scream when he came inside, he was very rough and clearly wanted to get it over with. He was wild, I could barely catch my breath with him. I wanted him out of me, he just was way too big. Just when I thought I was going to pass out he was done. 'Help him on his feet' he ordered Tom. 'Now, you are coming with me, I'm not the only one who wants a piece of you'. 'No!' Mike and I shouted. 'Put him to sleep' and while I got dragged out with a gun to my head and just pants on. Mike got a needle in his arm. I tried to stay calm so he wouldn't change his mind about hurting Mike. I got thrown in the back of a minivan. I was terrified, where would they take me? I was in such panic I never saw the needle coming.
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I stretched myself while waking up, when I realised I was not at my home anymore, instantly I was wide awake. I looked around at where the hell they put me. With no windows I guessed I was somewhere underground. It looked exactly like a cell, a toilet, worthless bed and a sink. Suddenly I noticed that I had something around my wrists and ankles, they were made of iron and the fact there were little holes in all of them didn’t reassure me much. I didn’t saw any way to open them, how did they get them on? I banged the iron bracelet against the wall when someone said: “Stop! They will be furious if they hear you doing that”. I jumped out surprise, “Hello?” I said, “Who are you?”, “just another of the lucky ones like you”. “Where the hell are we?”, “a homemade prison, is my best guess”.” the one who made this has some seriously money”. I hesitated for a second before asking what I wanted to know, “How many are there here?”, “we don’t see all of them, but we see 20 of them, and the others we never see”. “W-why are we here?”, “I guess you pissed someone off related to Hardman”. “Shit” I laughed at myself, “What?” the man asked, “I pissed of Hardman himself”. The other man laughed, “Boy are you fucked”. I searched my cell, under the mattress, under the sink, but no luck, there was nothing useful in this cell. I got frustrated, I banged my bracelets at the iron pipes at my door. I wanted to see someone, I wanted out! “ssht!” I heard very soft from everywhere around me. I went to sit on the bed, promising myself I would protect myself by staying awake till someone would came. Someone did came, but I was not awake. I heard a loud click and I woke up, before I could do anything I got dragged of the bed by my hands, they put an chain on my bracelets and big Tom was the boss of me. A bit shaken I stood up, all the lights were on, which made the place even more unpleasant. I saw that all the other sells were open and empty. There was a guy in front of me, barely older than 21 was my guess, but it looked like he was in charge. “When can I go?”, the guy nodded and Tom gagged me, he put a ball in my mouth and closed it behind my head with what I could hear a lock. “So” the boy said, “you shut up now, and if you listen that thing can come off tonight. You don’t get to ask any questions, you just obey, you are here to listen to us, pleasure us and our clients.” I tried to speak, to scream, and say he could go to hell, but I couldn’t make any more than a muffled sound. “In the morning you shower with all the others, after that you all can be in your room or in the open area here outside. When you get a job, you go to a room. You only get dinner when you get good jobs. When the guard wants some, you’ll go to your room, or when Hardman orders you, you better please him”. I made a sarcastic noise, and the guy got his whip. “every guard has one” he took a big breath and lashed out at my chest, my shirt tore. I couldn’t get away for the next one, Tom had me locked on the spot with the chain. He stopped and I fell on my knees, my chest was torn and I got blood all over. I looked him in the eye, I wasn’t planning on letting that kid be the boss of me. “So” He continued after he catch his breath. “Now, you shower alone today, because you are new, and I am going help you, so you get all clean” He smirked down at me. “I am Trevor don’t forget that name”. “Get him ready in the shower, tie him there, I will be right there”. Tom led me across the open field-room, but I wasn’t paying attention, everyone was back and was staring at me. I could only panicking about what would happen to me, I looked down, It was going to be hard for me not to get beaten, if you get beaten up by only a sound. The wounds weren’t deep, but would definitely leave a scar. But the only thing I cared about was getting out of here, but how? The showers reminded me at the showers you see when you go swimming, only these had slots high and down, and it didn’t took me long to realise, that that was exactly where my bracelets would go. Tom didn’t even bother to tell me to get undressed, he tore my clothes off and threw them aside. He placed my hands and feets to the slots. I could move half a step forward, that was the space I was given. He set the shower right and put them on, he removed my gag, and then just left. I was so cold, that I was thankful for the hot water but my chest hurt under the heat of the water. Trevor walked in and closed the doors behind him, he undressed himself and looked at me with a smirk on his face. He came to stand before me, I couldn’t move or say anything, and I felt the fear inside me rising. His hands went over my chest, and I tried to breath slowly, I tried to move, and he just laughed. “We are gonna make so much money with you, once the word gets out you are available, you are going to be a wanted man”. Without warning he went down on his knees, “I want to see you squirm”, he laughed “you are not so tough now are you?” He took me in his mouth and as an automatic reaction I backed against the wall, just enough to make him angry for losing control. “Fine, we have it your way, but that’s going to hurt”. He made himself ready and looked me in the eye. He grabbed my ass while he was going in, I gasped for air, I wasn’t wet down there, but he kept going, and he kept me pinned against the wall while he went harder and faster. I felt something run down my legs and I knew it was blood. He was moaning, he put my penis in his hand and started to jerk me off, it was too much pain mixed with a bit pleasure. The sound he was making, was not flattering in the least, but at the sound I could hear he was close at coming. When he came, he didn’t move, but came inside me, “don’t worry I don’t have aids, or at least I think so”. He went on his knees again and I closed my eyes, he made me close to come but then teased me, slapped me. But then stopped. “See? Even you get hard for me” he laughed, But if you want to come you are going to have to do that yourself. He let Tom in, I guess he was going to be my prison guard. He ordered Tom to set me free, and they both decided to watch what I was going to do. I got the soap that was right next to me and started to wash myself, disappointed they went and waited outside the showers. I punched the wall, but what was I going to do? I couldn’t do this, this was just absurd! I cleaned myself as much as I could and I dried myself. I tried not to be embarrassed when I walked out the showers. Tom pushed me to my cell, all the way I just looked at the ground. I saw clothes on my bed and sighed in relief. Tom came walking towards me and I walked backward till I reached the wall. He grabbed me while I was still half hard, and he stroked it. I had my hands on his arm, a useless attempt to try and make him stop. I tried to move away from his touch but he kept going, I let out a moan by accident and finally I came, unsteady on my feet and afraid of what he was going to do I just stood there. “See you tonight” he winked and locked my cell behind him. I guess I wasn’t allowed to go out on my first day, I realised they forgot to put the gag back on, at least one relief. I took the pants and shirt and put them on. Still in shock I went to sit on the bed, how the hell did he went from lawyer to slave? After a while my door opened and Hardman came in and put down a plate of food next to me, I really hoped he didn't want any. Tom stayed by the door and Hardman stood before me. Suddenly I realised, I never wondered how Mike was, until Hardman’s presence reminded me of it, the last thing I remembered was Mike getting a needle in his arm. I looked up at Hardman, ‘is Mike okay?’. ‘ He’s fine, probably wondering where you are’. He laughed. ‘How long am I going to be here?’, Hardman’s face changed, ‘you stay here until you lost your attitude!, you are mine now and you’ll do whatever I ask of you. Now eat your lunch, you have your first client in an hour’. He came close, ‘you don’t say a word to them, because they are here to fuck you, not to help you escape, when you do, we’ll find out and it will have consequences. Tomorrow morning you will wake me’, he smiled and walked out. Tom stayed outside the cell, he’s probably my guide to my first client. I looked at the food, I couldn’t eat now, I was still sore from this morning, how are they expect me to heal so fast? I guess I never get a day off. I convinced myself I had to eat, so I ate the bread dry without anything on it. Drank the water and leaned against the wall. So Mike was fine, they left him alone after that night, I really hoped he would come and search for me or go to the police. I thought of Mike, his laugh, his body, but Tom came in and disturbed my thoughts. He ordered me on my feet and to follow him. We went up one stair and on this small floor were a couple of rooms, for one purpose only was my guess. Tom stopped by a door. For the first time I heard him speak, ‘this is a regular client, only with new clients there will be one of us present the first time’ instead of the growl he gave me, telling I was screwed tonight . He opened the door, pushed me in and closed it. I was so nervous I shaked. I didn’t saw anyone but then I heard something from the closet. “ they said you are new, but a great asset, so why not trying something new huh?” I almost collapsed, that voice! It was Louis! I tried the door but is was locked, too late, he closed the closet and looked my way. He fell back against the wall and looked just as shocked as me. ‘Ha-harvey? What the hell are you doing here?’ Still in shock I looked at him, not knowing if it was bad he had to do it with him, or that he never knew he was this person. ‘Hardman kidnapped me here’ I almost whispered. ‘yeah you did piss him off big time’, but I payed, and now I even get the chance to do it with the great Harvey! Oh when they hear of this, you’ll never get any rest. I shivered, ‘you still want to continue?’ It hardly came out my mouth. He laughed, and I didn’t like his laugh. ‘Hell yes, you get undressed and treat me like I am Mike, or I will call Tom in and we do this the hard way. Just when I thought I couldn’t get more humiliated than that I already was. ‘You can’t dominate me here Harvey, here I am the boss, and I damn well going to enjoy this.
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He went to lay down on the bed, ‘well show me where the big Harvey is made of!’ I looked at him in disbelief. I was still processing what the hell happened before I realised I had to strip down before Louis. I panicked and probably in shock but with Tom outside I had no choice and that was what was killing me, I could easily take on Louis but then I had to deal with Tom. Helpless I took off my socks, trying to drag this out as long as I could. He wouldn’t make me have sex with him right? But I knew my answer giving what Louis said before. Louis had his hands behind his head and enjoyed his position of power. I felt so humiliated, I could cry. And so I stood there naked for the eyes of Louis, he stared at me but then finally looked me in the eye instead of checking out my gear. ‘Now what?’ I asked. He smirked and came to stand before me, he looked me in the eye while undressing himself. ‘Kiss me’ he said. I refused to let him get too much power to enjoy so I did what he asked and kissed him, not as how I would kiss Mike but Louis was already shocked that I did it. I decided I didn’t care, after all it was just sex and I wanted to get it over with. I led him to the bed and pushed him on it, even when I am the slave here, I could still let him know who’s the boss because no one, especially not Louis could get me to break. I sat on top of him and kissed him, I felt him getting hard and tried to put aside of how disgusting he made me feel. I rolled him over on his stomach so I didn’t had to face him, at least not for the moment. I heard nothing from Louis so I kept going. He flinched when I touched his ass, I saw he was ready, I didn’t need the lotion, he was already wet. I teased him by not going in yet, I knew I wasn’t the biggest size, but big enough to make him at least a bit uncomfortable. I went in and Louis grabbed the bedsheets, I went as hard as I could in the hope I would hurt him at least a little bit. Finally he groaned really weird and came. I let myself fall down on my back a bit exhausted, Louis was a hard man to please. He put on his clothes, quickly I did the same because the last thing I wanted was to come at the hands of Louis. He didn’t even seem to notice. “I hope you are more gently with Mike” he smirked. I didn’t say anything, he wouldn’t get to me. “Am I done”? I asked. “for now” he said. “But don’t worry you won’t have to miss me for very long, after just now, I will be your regular”. Great, I tried to hurt him, but he liked it instead, of course he did.. Louis knocked on the door and Tom opened. He walked me back to my cell, “hey” I said, “weren’t we allowed out of our cells during the day? “Everyone is in their cells for safety measures, someone tried to escape, so we we decided to only let people out their cells when they have a client and to shower each evening”. “Enjoy your day and finish your lunch, tomorrow is a busy day, I suppose the word is out that Harvey is here”. He smirked, “See you tonight Boy”. He locked the cell and left, I went to lay down on bed as far under the blankets as possible. Would Mike tell people what happened to us? At least people must miss me by now, Donna is probably going crazy. But all I could think about was Mike and the day in the Showers. I cried in a way I hadn’t done in a long time, I cried as softly as I could, I wasn’t here that long but it sure felt that way. I tried to think about how it would be to see Mike again, holding him and knowing he would never hurt me, I wanted to see his face, hear his laugh. And so I drove myself crazy thinking about mike when I heard banging on my cell. “Time for your shower”, he opened my cell and walked to the next one. I followed the rest to the showers, almost every one of them looked lost, as if they had given up. We could take a surprisingly long shower, I liked the hot water because just for the moment I couldn’t feel the hands and the touches, but just the burning water. We all got dressed and placed back in our cells. There was a small lamp above the bed and I turned it on, how am I supposed to kill time? I wasn’t tired, even though I was afraid I would be tomorrow by this time If I had to believe Tom. Everyone was in their cell and the place became quiet again. I tried to sleep but I was too busy making myself crazy. Then I heard Tom outside my cell; “How is my clean boy?”. I shivered, I liked him more when he was not talking. He opened the door and came to sit on the bed next to my feet. He threw a book on the floor, “here something to read”. He looked serious as if he was waiting for a thank you. “Thanks,” I finally said. I didn’t feel comfortable with being the sex slave of the clients and now of him. Why the hell did he had to choose me?. He gently took the blanket off, it scared me and totally creeped me out, this meant I wasn’t safe anywhere. I hoped this Tom was gentler than the Tom I saw during the day, but I didn’t want to jeopardize it by making him angry. It was against my nature to do nothing and to keep my mouth shut, I didn’t even do that with Hardman all those years ago. His hands went over my legs and I bite on my lip and tried to not shake his hands off. I couldn’t help myself; “T-tom? I am very tired may I sleep?”. He looked at me, “no, because at night I can do to you what I want, In the nights you are mine. And you are the prettiest one in here, and I just want you. Now stop talking”. He pulled down my pants and roughly took off my shirt, he took off his own clothes and I saw he didn’t need any help in getting him ready. I knew it was going to hurt given his size, but I had no choice and maybe he would take it easy now he is not angry yet. He hung over me and kissed me, it was a hard kiss with no passion it almost hurt. He spit on his fingers and put them inside me, his arms were beside my chest and I grabbed his arms and squeezed it to prepare for what was coming, Tom laughed. He looked me in the eye and came in, slowly thank god, but still painful. “ Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it”. I closed my eyes and squeezed his arms, which he didn’t seemed to mind at all. “You are beautiful”. I felt the tears boiling up and I kept them away, but with the pain I felt I couldn’t help but let a few tears rolling over my face. He grabbed my penis and started stroking me, “I want to see the face you make when you come”. He moaned but I kept my voice to myself, I could feel I was getting close but Tom already came. He grabbed my penis and stroked it, but he did it so hard it hurted me and I would never come this way. I placed my hand on his, “let me” but as humiliated as I was I started stroking myself with my eyes closed. When I finally came I opened my eyes and Tom looked satisfied. I sat against the wall while Tom got dressed, he came sit next to me on the bed and placed his hands on my private parts. He kissed me again and then finally stood up and left, without saying a word. I put on my clothes and crawled back into bed under the blankets, waiting for the terrible day that was ahead of me. “Rise and shine!” My door got slammed open and I sat straight up in bed. Tom was standing outside, “come on, Hardman is waiting for you”. I was still a bit sore from last night but I got up and followed Tom. We went up two stairs and there was one room, Tom dropped me off by the door and walked away. I knocked on the door and stepped inside, “good morning Harvey”. Hardman was sitting at a table full with breakfast, “come on, join me” he pointed at the chair next to him. I sat down and I wanted to eat and drink but I was scared what he’ll do if I just grabbed it, what if he was joking about joining? But he wasn’t, I got a big glass of milk and some croissants. “Thank you” I said when I was finished, “no problem” and his hand found my crotch, god, was everything here about sex?! “Come” he said “I want to take a shower with you”, “I just had a shower last night” I tried. “And now you will have one with me”, I had no choice but to follow him to the bathroom. He took of his clothes and stepped in the shower, I sighed and took off my clothes and joined him, I hate it that I had to give Hardman what he wanted, there was nothing I could do. He grabbed the sponge and poured soap on it, “now” he said “let’s make sure you’re all clean”. He smiled and walked towards me, my first response was to back off but I hit the wall. I could see he enjoyed the power he had over me. He started with my chest, “that has got to hurt” he said, “I’ll live”. He went straight down with the sponge, “now spread your legs for me my boy”. I hesitated but realised I had no choice but to give in, so I spread my legs and he used the sponge at first. He dropped the sponge and poured soap on his hands and took my penis in his hands, he cleaned everything but as I expected he kept going. Then he put two fingers inside me, “aah!”, “sorry boy, but you have to be clean inside and out” he laughed. “I-I think I am clean now” I tried. “I know, but I am not”. He threw the sponge out and poured soap on my hands. His eyes followed me everywhere, but I cleaned him and the there was only one spot left to clean. I took his penis in my hand and stroked it, Hardman moaned and I stroked harder and faster and Hardman came. I was already thankful I didn’t got fucked again, how messed up is that?. We got dressed and he sent me away, outside Tom was waiting and he didn’t look happy. He pushed me forward, “come on you have more customers waiting for you today”. The day went on and I had multiple customers, at the end of the day I was exhausted but that didn’t stop Tom from getting his pleasure, I just didn’t had the energy to fight back. That’s how I spend the days, showering, customers, Hardman, Louis and at night Tom. After a while I just didn’t care about the days, and I stopped counting them. I had given up and accepted the idea that this was my life now. I knew more about sex and toys than I could have dreamed. I was ashamed of myself and as punishment I didn’t let myself think about home, about Mike. I hardly ever cried anymore and the shivering has stopt as well. I was broken and I didn’t even realised it.
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I sat on my bed when I saw tom walking towards my cell, I stood up and followed him to Hardman or a client. I hoped it wasn’t Louis because he became worse every time he came here, his requests and demands were so humiliating and he enjoyed every second of it. We walked to a room and Tom stopped, “I’m coming in, this is a new one”. When we walked in I saw a very big man, I wasn’t surprised, there were a lot of new man when they heard I was held here, I’ve made a lot of enemies so I wouldn’t get much rest any time soon. “Can’t we be alone?” the man said. “No, we explained it, you are new so the first time is supervised, we can’t take the risk you are dangerous or a cop or something”. “Fine” he said. Tom went to sit down on the chair, I knew he would be jealous and aroused at the same time. “I am Stabler” he said. “What do you want to do?” I asked. He looked at his phone, but down here you had no service and he put it away again. He looked a bit nervous but that was common with new clients. I got no answer so I undressed myself and walked towards him. He was shocked but didn’t say anything, I know I had a lot of scars and bruises, unfortunately most clients liked it rough and Tom beat me because he was so jealous he didn’t had me to himself. I started to unbutton his shirt, he acted like he didn’t like it or he was too nervous, either way I had to go on if I didn’t want any more bruises. He kept looking at me with pity and a scared look on his face. He took the rest of his clothes off and just stood there, he didn’t know how to act. This guy was weird, I hope he doesn’t take to long. I saw he was big sized and couldn’t help but flinch a little bit, it was bigger than Tom’s. I walked him to the bed and made him lie down on his back. I sat beside him and took his penis in my mouth, he shivered and kept his eyes closed. “You can enjoy this, you know”. He didn’t answer but just lied there. When he was hard it was even more impressive, I reached over the the table next to the bed and got the lotion. I gave stabler the lotion and he looked more shocked than I did. I lied down on my back and tried to arouse myself, otherwise it would hurt like hell. He put my legs over his shoulders, made his fingers wet and put them inside me, his face came close and he whispered, “ I’m so sorry for this”. I was confused, wasn’t he here because he wanted to? He poured enough lotion on himself and on me and careful and slowly he came inside. “Oh god” I said, I bite on my lip to not let him see it hurt. He wasn’t rough nor had a temper, he was very gently and I was very grateful for that. I saw Tom sitting in the corner with his face on thunder. He pulled out and I sighed in relief, I put my hands on him and started stroking and in seconds he came. I looked at Tom and he was waiting for me to come, Stabler followed my eyes and saw Tom sitting angry in his chair. I started stroking myself, “no” Tom said, let him do it. Stabler put his big hands on me and stroked, it felt good, not rough for a change and so I came as well. Quickly we put on our clothes and I walked outside and waited by the door while they exchanged money. Tom came outside and roughly pushed me forward, “He’ll be back tomorrow”, “what?” “no!, He can’t he is way too big!”. “Shut up”. He had me confused, by the way he behaved I wasn’t expecting him back anytime soon.Back in my cell there was lunch, dry bread and water, that was the only thing they got now but it was something so I didn’t complain. when I was finished I crawled up in bed, I was so cold these days that most of the time I layed in bed shivering under the blanket. I got the book he gave me when I just got here, I got all three Lord Of The Rings books. I got my pencil and opened the book, to kill time I draw a square on all the letters, I had almost finished the first book. After a short while Tom came back again, he opened my cell and I stood up and followed him. We stopped for a room and I knew it was Louis, I sighed and walked in. Louis was sitting on the bed reading a newspaper. I got undressed and sat next to him, “what do you want to do Louis?” He tossed me the paper and instantly I saw Mike’s photo on the page, I grabbed the paper and read it. He had an interview about the investigation they started when I went missing, he asked people for clues and directions. They searched for him! I forbade myself to think about Mike for so long, it was quite a shock when I saw his face on the photo. And he had no idea he worked with a man who knew where I was. “Do you want the article?”, “What do you want me to do for it?”.”I want you to let me fuck you”. In all the time he came I did him, not many clients wanted to fuck me, thank god. After all the things he made me do, that was the one thing I was still in control over, but I looked at the paper and knew Louis brought the paper on purpose. “Fine, but only this one time”. He grinned and didn’t know how fast he got to undress himself. I saw he didn’t need my help, he was ready to go, I got the lotion and gave it to him. He came and hung over me, the sight was terrible and not arousing at all. He got in and he groaned and moaned heavily, he was so clumsy but apparently it worked for him. He got up and down instead of back and forth, it almost seemed like forever but finally he came. He got dressed, I got the newspaper and tore the interview with mike out before he could change his mind. “Aren’t you gonna ask how he’s doing?” “I don’t want to hear anything about him from you”, I got dressed and left the room, Tom went inside and was back in a minute. “How many more today?”, “It’s a quiet day probably because it’s thanksgiving, so you can save your energy for tonight” thanksgiving?! That meant he was here for almost 4 months! I was shocked at how long I’ve been here that I forgot to walk, but Tom reminded me by giving me a push. I sat in my cell, 4 months, how did he hang on all this time? I was so busy every day and night that I barely had time think, this was actually one of the first afternoon's off I had. I got the piece of paper out my pants and unfolded it with care,I re-read the interview a thousand times and then just stared at the picture of Mike. I got my book and placed the paper in there, just in time because dinner was shoved through the cell doors. I got a new bottle of water, the one I had was dirty. There were just two slices of bread in a napkin on the floor and I started noticing I got more hungry everyday, I noticed my body was not the one I used to had, but they had no mirrors here nor in the rooms with the clients. I could only assume I wasn’t that healthy anymore. I ate the bread and went over to sink, I got a shitty razor blade and I had to shave on feeling, but at least I got to shave, I suppose the clients didn’t like a whore who looked like a homeless man. I got under the blankets and thought about Mike, that he was searching for him made me feel missed and for the first time I let myself miss home, miss Mike. I was so far away in thoughts I didn’t realise it was midnight already but Tom came in and tossed the blankets aside. I was so with my thoughts with Mike, I didn’t want to have sex now. “I-I am tired, please can I sleep, just for today?”, “No, I had to skip yesterday so I want to enjoy twice today”. “Please, I can’t, I don’t have the energy, I just want to sleep”. He gave me a fist in my stomach, “you don’t get to demand anything”. I cried, and tried to stop him from taking off my clothes but he was on full strength while I was not even on half. “When can I go home?, I miss home”. “This is your home now! You’re not getting all weak again are you?” I was never strong, but I guess seeing Mike’s photo released something in me, I wanted to see him, Donna, just everyone. He got the stick from his belt, “No! please!”. I remembered the stick very well and I crawled up tried to be as small as possible. Tom beat me with the stick and kept beating till it hurt everywhere, I could barely move and had to breath carefully to reduce the pain. Tom didn’t care and pulled my legs straight, I cried and yelled, Tom took off my pants and placed my legs wide on the bed.I didn’t know what to do with all the pain, but my body did and I passed out. When I woke up I was fully clothed and saw breakfast on the ground. I went to sit straight and had to recover from that for a couple of minutes. But I knew I still had to go to the client, and knowing who that was I could cry again. I was hungry but I don’t think I would be able to get up and get it, let alone eat it. I saw a man I knew too well, he came whenever someone had a beating and took care of them so they could go to their clients. He came in and picked up the food and brought the bottle of water to me. “You have to eat, you look way too thin, what did you do boy”? I liked him, he was always nice to me. “I miss home, and made the mistake to tell him that”. “Here”, he gave me some pills for the pain and waited a while before they worked. “Try to lie down, I have to examine you on fractures”. I saw his face when he saw my body but he didn’t said a word. He came to sit next to me, “Your ribs are badly bruised, your back is bruised as well and you most likely have a concussion”. He handed me the water and the two slices of bread, “your injuries are only going to get worse, you are not able to take all the hits anymore, please Harvey, be careful”. He gave me some supplies of medication and stood up. “I’ll try to get them to give you something more to eat, this is not enough for you”. “Thanks doc, I appreciate it”, he nodded and walked away. I looked at my hands, I wasn’t that skinny was I? Was that possible in 4 months? I soaked the bread in water and swallowed them that way. Tom stood for my cell, “I pushed that client of yesterday to the afternoon, everyone else is canceled but he payed good money to see you, I’ll get you in a couple of hours”, and he walked away. I didn’t know what was worse, these beatings or the sex. I took the paper and quickly looked at his photo, I knew why I needed to hold on. I took a pill for sleeping and laid down, waiting for it to kick in, the best thing to do is sleep as much as possible, that way you're not aware of the pain. “Harvey?, wake up!” Tom banged on my cell door and waited outside for me. I opened my eyes and tried to move, it still hurt as hell but I had no choice so I stood up and walked behind Tom. He stopped me before going in, “don’t be such a baby, he payed a lot for you and we want him to come back”. I nodded and walked in the room, I saw Stabler sitting on the bed and when he saw me he rushed to help me. I tried to stand straight to prove I didn’t need his help and kept my face straight, I shook his hands off and walked towards the bed and sat down. “What happened to you?” he asked. “I ignored him, what do you want to do today?”. He came to sit next to me, “I don’t know how to say this properly, they wanted to pull the plug, but I was so close!” “What are you talking about?” “He got something out of his pocket and showed it to me, “I am a cop”. I looked at him and the badge, “Is this a test?” I stood up “I want you to go”. “Listen to me, please!” “if you are a cop, why did you had to fuck me? I yelled at him”. “The phone, and signals nothing works here and I wanted to get you out, but I didn’t know there would be someone with us the first time”. I didn’t believe what I heard, “If I would have stopped and walked away, we wouldn’t be here now, telling you we are getting you and everyone out”. “You were so popular you got on our radar, we just didn’t know where for a while”. I went to sit down next to him again, “I am very sorry I had to do that to you, but now you and everyone here are going to be free”. “It's inexcusable what I did to you, and when this is all over I will confess and pay for it”. “Why did it took you so long? “ First we had to find you, and then made an arrangement to visit you, but before we could start the plan we had to figure out how we were going to do that”. “Two weeks after you went missing I got Mike, Jessica and Donna in my office telling me Hardman took you away. I told them to be quiet about it and not letting him know”. I heard him, but I couldn’t believe what he said, that he was really here, people actually looked for him. “And Louis?” I could hardly say his name without disgust, “He felt sorry but he didn’t knew anything that would help us he said”. I cried and stomped the bed, “What’s wrong?” I looked at him, with anger written all over my face, “He” I said “He comes here a few times a week, he and Hardman just knew where I was and just went to work there”. He was looking for words, “how are you gonna get us out”? I asked. “that’s where I need your input, is there a moment when all of them are together?”. “At night they all sleep upstairs in these rooms except for one”. He wrote it all down, “where is the one that doesn’t sleep upstairs?”, “Most likely with me, I don’t know when he comes I just know it is during the night”. He looked at me, “I’m sorry Harvey”. I shrugged my shoulders. “What happened to you after I left yesterday?” I nodded towards the door, “That’s Tom, he is my personal babysitter, I said I missed home, add that with how jealous he was here yesterday, it didn’t made him happy. I got some pills from a man who is the doctor here, oh please don’t hurt him!”. “We’ll try, but will you manage to hold on for one more day? We didn’t knew when we were going to burst in here, but now we know where and when, now we just need to prepare the team. He walked to his jacked and got something, “Here”, he gave me a watch. “It says the date and time, so tomorrow we will get in here about uhm, let’s say 2:00 AM”. He wrote it down and looked at me, “You are gonna be home for christmas Harvey”. I just kept looking at the watch,”So I’ll see Mike again?”. “Yes Harvey, maybe if you say you hurt to much they will give you tomorrow a day off? I laughed, “I probably won’t even get tonight off, but I’ll survive”. He hesitated, “I’m sorry I have to leave you behind now, but I have to report back since nothing works down here”. “I will survive one more day” and I faked a smile. It would be the worst, knowing I would be rescued and still had to obey to them, but it would be worth it! “Well I should be going then”, I put the watch in my pocket and looked at him, “Thank you”. I walked outside and Tom walked in to collect the money, now all I had to do is keep my mouth shut. Tom came back and didn’t push me forward, I guess he didn’t dare to. I saw Hardman sitting in my cell, I couldn’t help but feel a stone in my stomach every time I saw him. Tom walked away and I went in my cell, “Hi Harvey, I came to see how you are doing, I heard you were difficult yesterday”. I tried to keep my comments to myself, “it won’t happen again” I said. “I know, you only have Louis tomorrow, so you can recover a little bit. But I expect better and more work when you have rested, you need to bring money in, not the other way around”. I nodded, and Hardman left. I got on bed with my book and looked at the picture, I would actually see him and everyone again! To kill time I got my pencil and drew squares around the letters. After a while my ‘dinner’ was thrown in my cell, the watch! I got it out of my pocket and put it inside my head pillow, this way it wouldn’t be discovered. I got my bread and ate it, I went to lay down in bed, but I wasn’t tired at all, I knew Tom would come tonight and then Louis tomorrow, and Tom tomorrow night again. Well maybe they come on time, before Tom gets me. I was so nervous I couldn’t get myself to sleep, the pills helped a little bit, but with every move I could still feel pain. I woke up to a sound, I heard Tom trying to get my door open, he had a hard time, which meant he was drunk. He wasn’t negotiable when he was sober, but drunk he was much worse. I heard he got the key in the lock and I kept my eyes closed. Roughly he pulled off my blankets and he gave me a ‘little’ punch in the stomach to wake me up. I looked at him, I had hoped he wouldn’t get crazy, I don’t think I could recover from any more of his tantrums. “T-Tom? I am still in much pain, could you..” he slapped me in the face, “if you can handle a client, you can handle me too”. He pulled of my pants, I moaned, it hurted. He took off my shirt and I couldn’t help but moan louder, I tried to ignore the pain but Tom was already mad. With a face that looked so angry it scared me, he undressed himself. He spread my legs, I could keep myself from making noise but my face betrayed my pain. His hands went around my neck and he squeezed very hard, at the same time he came inside me. Normally that would have hurt like hell, but I was so busy with getting his hands off my neck I hardly paid attention to it. When I thought I was going to die, he let go. I tried to breath but I could only gasp for breath, my throat felt swollen and sore. Then I felt the pain from him, coming inside me without me being ready for it. I didn’t realise I cried, but Tom’s face changed and he stopped and stepped off the bed. He got dressed and got his knife from his pocket. I wanted to say something but I could only shake my head, without saying a word he rolled me over, luckily I wasn’t able to make much sound. “Ah” he said, “this is number five”, I could here him grin. I grabbed the blanket and squeezed as hard as I could, his knife made a long diagonal cut, through the other four cuts.He got up and I heard him walking away and he locked the door. I put on my pants and crawled on my side under the blankets. I cried, I only had one more day to go, one day! I got two pills to help me sleep, that would at least knock me out till lunch.I woke up by someone throwing my lunch through the door, my breakfast was also lying on the floor. I felt something on my shoulder, it was bandaged and my neck had a lotion on it. I never noticed that the doc had stopped by. I let the bread be, I would never be able to eat it. And from what I could see, there were two little slices on the ground with mold on them, I had Tom to thank for that. He would come in a few hours to get me to Louis. I tried to drink some water but I had to let it go out of my mouth, I wasn’t able to swallow so much, I tried very small sips so that I would at least had something to drink. Because I didn’t know who would come into my cell when I wasn’t, I got the watch quickly looked at the time - 3:00 PM- and put it in my pocket. It was already afternoon, that meant that Tom could get me any moment. I got the book to help me pass the time and after a while I saw Tom coming and I stood before the door, I had to try to keep him from getting angry. He just grabbed me and pushed me towards the stairs. I walked to the door and Tom nodded, I opened the door and closed it behind me. I had no idea how I looked, but by the look on Louis’s face it couldn’t be much good. He just gazed at me and then shook his head , “no” he said, “are they crazy?!”. He walked towards the door and banged on it, Tom opened it, “what?” he said. Louis shouted “Look at him! I am not paying for this” he gestured at me like I was an object - which I was-, “He can barely stand! I want someone else for now, someone who is capable of doing something, you can take him back”. He saw the look Tom gave me, “I do want him, so he better be be looking better the next time I come for him”. Tom came in and dragged me out by my arm, “Wait here” he said to Louis, “I’ll send someone else up”. He threw me on the bed, the way he looked at me, I knew he was pissed off, and I could hardly take another beating. In pain from him throwing me on the bed, I stood up, knowing very well he could either let me or get even more angry with me. But when I stood before him I saw his look changing from angry to lust in a second. “I’ll come back tonight, and tomorrow you are taking showers again, I want you clean”. I thought of the pain I had the last time I had to shower so shortly after, and with open wounds, but if everything went as they planned, I wouldn’t be here tomorrow morning. “I have to take another client to Louis, but tonight you can make it up to me”, and he left. I sighed in relief, all I had to do now is wait, I kept looking at the watch but it said 5:45 PM. I started to walk from one wall to the other, I had to be able to at least walk out of here and if possible, as fast as I could. Hardman walked past me and stopped and came back, “you look like shit Harvey”, he laughed. “I’m glad you're amusing yourself”, I tried to mask the pain, speaking was not an option. “Oh” he said, “you have no idea what I have planned for you this week”. He laughed, satisfied for getting to me and walked away. I sat on the bed when someone threw my dinner through the door, I saw it didn’t had mold on it, but I was too sore and nervous to eat. I tried to drink again, but all I managed to handle was getting my lips wet trying to take sips. I took the food and flushed it down the toilet, they would be angry if it layed on the ground. I started walking again, faster and faster, when I was by the wall with my bed I got very dizzy, so I lied down on the bed and kept looking at the watch, trying mentally to make it go faster. I woke up, I searched for the watch, it was already 1:30 AM! Did Tom changed his mind? or did he always came to me this late? I just hoped he would wait another 30 minutes, I started to shake a bit, I sat straight against the wall and kept looking at the minutes on the watch. 1:46 AM, Tom opened my door, quickly I put the watch in my pocket. He came and sit next to me , fifteen minutes was a long time to stall him, but if I made him angry he would lose his temper again. I could stall as much as possible, but until the police came I had to go along. I stood up, I knew I had to undress myself, the way he looked at me I could tell if he was going to be rough with me or ‘gentle’, this was his ‘gentle’ face. I started with my socks, I didn’t have to try to stall, I really had trouble with getting undressed. Finally I was undressed, he stood up and I went to lay down on my back on the bed while he undressed himself. I wasn’t really able to speak, which probably was a good thing since it hasn’t been going well for me the last few times. I hoped it was almost 2:00AM, with my body and this pain it would be even more unbearable than usual. He hung over me and and kissed me. He spread my legs and I made a little noise from the pain, it didn’t seemed to bother him tonight. He went inside me, I cried, the pain and the way he made my body move, really hard, hurted me I didn’t know how much I could take. Then I heard loud noises, we were all the way down, so they would get to Hardman and the other “Tom’s” first before they would be here. Tom got up ,dressed himself and ran out my cell. Half in shock and in pain I managed to get my pants on, I tried my shirt but I just left it on the bed. I got my book and held it tight, I wanted it with me when they came for us. The noises became louder, there was screaming and suddenly it was quiet. I stood up, I saw Tom running towards my cell and I walked backwards till I hit the wall behind me. He grabbed me and dragged me right outside, where the guards used to sit and watch us. I saw everyone standing by their door, Tom grabbed his knife and put it on my throat. “Tom?” I barely could get it out of my mouth. “The cops are here, and they won’t take me from you, either I’ll leave with you or you’ll die with me. I cried, I was so scared, he was crazy enough to actually do it. NYPD! I saw Stabler and other cops running downstairs, they stopped when they saw Tom and me. Stabler was up front, “You?!” I heard Tom say, confused. “Just let him go, it’s over, you won’t get away”. Tom whispered in my ear “you knew he was a cop didn’t you, you betrayed me”. I shook my head wildly, “just like I said, if I won’t get out alive, neither will you”. And with those words he got the knife and stabbed me in the chest, I heard shots fired, I looked at the knife in my chest and fell backwards.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
I opened my eyes, okay, so I’m still alive. I looked around and saw I was in the hospital and my room was empty, there was a guard outside my door. Then I felt pain in my chest, next to all my other injuries. A doctor came in, she had a friendly smile, ‘Good morning Mr. Specter, Good to see that you’re awake’. She did some tests and nodded approvingly, she looked at me, ‘I’m doctor Wells. Do you remember what happened to you?’ ‘Yes’ I answered. “We operated you right away when you were brought in, we succeeded in the operation, but your body is very weak and the whole operation was too much for your already weak body. Your body protected itself and you went into a coma’. She saw the shock on my face, ‘you’ve been in a coma for a few days, that’s how long it took for your body to recover enough to wake, but you are still very fragile. She paused for a moment to let me process the information. ‘I’ll give you some time, and will check on you later’, she hesitated ‘you have people for you in the waiting room, they never left your side, but I made the decision to not let them be in here in case you would wake up, the shock of seeing them could be too much’. She smiled, ‘you can see them one at a time, who do you want to see first?’. I didn’t knew the answer to that one, well of course I did, but I was too afraid. I took a deep breath ‘Mike’ , but could you send him in in 15 minutes?’ She nodded and walked to the door, then I suddenly remembered Tom, “how is Tom? The man who was shot next to me’ after a moment she answered, ‘he’s in a coma, but he is well guarded’. That was a shock, he was alive?! And in the same building as me! When I recovered from that information she left the room. I threw off my sheets and looked at my wrists and ankles, the Iron was gone, but it had left its marks, or I figured as much since I had bandage on. I wanted to see how I looked, so I knew what everyone saw when they looked at me. I was convinced I had dealt with more pain and injuries, so this was just one like them. When I stood on my feet I realised how wrong I was, I collapsed on the floor, the wind knocked out of me. -This time more careful-, I pulled myself up by the bed and took the cane that was next to the wheelchair and crutches. It took me 5 minutes but I made it to the bathroom, half panting I turned on the light, I was so shocked with my reflection that I turned the light off right away. I looked down at myself, that couldn’t be me! Shocked and numb I walked back to the bed and pulled the sheets up high. I wasn’t at all ready for them to see me like this. - Man up!- I spoke to myself. There was a knock on the door and I froze, the door opened and Mike stepped in. I saw he had been crying, his eyes were red and swollen but he managed to smile, when I saw him I forgot how self conscious I was and sat up straight. The first step was taken, but neither he or me knew what to do next. He hesitated but pulled a chair next to the bed and sat close to me. I could see in his eyes that he hadn’t been in the room while I was in coma, because I could see that he was shocked by my appearance and I pulled up my sheets again. ‘Hi’ he said, ‘hi’ I was so glad to see him that I didn’t know what to do, after four months he was finally here in my room and I’ve thought often enough of things I wanted to say to say to him when I didn’t had that change, now he was here and I couldn’t bring myself to say a word. ‘Are you in pain’? ‘No’ I lied , and without thinking, ‘I’ve endured worse’. I saw he didn’t know how to act and I reached for his hands, he leaned in and laid his hands in mine. ‘This is enough for the moment, to hold you and just see you’. His eyes watered again but he smiled and nodded, ‘yes’ and he gently stroked my hands. I must have dozed off because when I woke both Donna and Jessica had joined in the room, it was decided I was strong enough after I had seen Mike. I saw that I still had one hand of him locked tight in mine, but it also could be the other way around. Donna kept straighten my bed, gave me kisses on my forehead or just stared at me. Jessica had stayed a while but had to go back to the office. ‘I’ll come back later’ Donna said and she left a bag with my stuff on the chair. ‘I’m sorry’ I said to Mike ‘you should rest as well’, ‘I’m perfectly fine right where I am now’. I on the other hand was very tired but I didn’t want Mike to leave, I padded on the bed, -which had way too much spare space for a single bed- ‘are you sure’? I nodded, very slowly, as if he would break me, he layed down next to me. I crawled into his arms which was both terrifying and nice. I had such confidence and now here I am, in his arms like a child.. He’ll get the old Harvey back but for now it’s okay. I opened my eyes and it was early, Mike had slept next to me and woke as well. We didn’t had time to talk because the nurses came in to clean me up. ‘ I’ll be in the waiting room till your done’ ‘No need, I can wash myself’, I certainly don't need 2 nurses to help me I thought. They went away, ‘I need to wash anyway, you should take some rest’. ‘I’m staying in the hotel across the street, i’ll be back in a few hours’. He stood there for a moment, not knowing how to say goodbye, but decided to just go. I sighed, there was no other choice, I had to wash myself. I stood in the door opening for quite some time before I found the nerve to drop the nurse's gown and turn on the light again. I saw a fragile man staring back in the mirror, I lost quite some weight and I looked like, well how could you describe it? I looked horrible; my neck had all kinds of colours, my chest and arms were a mess of cuts and bruises. I hesitated but turned around to look at my back, it was a real mess, I saw the scars he made with his knife, the scars of the belt.. ‘I will beat it out of you and when I’m done you’re not gonna be able to think of home, with this knife i’ll mark you every time, -you peace of shit-, when you think about home’ . I shook my head, and finally took my eyes off the mirror and saw I had a bathtub. I turned on the hot water and found it surprisingly peaceful to watch it fill the tub. ‘ I thought I'd join you today’ I heard Tom's voice in my head, I stepped in the tub and welcomed the hot water, realising I was pretty cold. The warmth of the water made me drowsy and I drifted off into sleep. ‘Tom came closer and pressed me against the shower wall, he turned the water to cold and looked at me; ‘If you want to get warm you’re gonna have to come closer to me’ and when I couldn’t bear the cold any longer I did and I felt his hands all over me. ‘You’re mine, remember that’ and with those words he shoved us back against the wall and he entered me without me being ready, ‘please stop!’ ‘Harvey!’ Mike stood by the door hesitating if he should come in, ‘I’m fine i’ll be out in a minute’. The water had turned cold, I got dressed and pretty tired from that exercise I got into bed. ‘The police is here to talk to you, I thought maybe we could walk around after that, well, you in a wheelchair of course.’ I nodded but was with my head already with the police, how could I ever tell them? Did I wanted to tell anyone? I never noticed that Mike had left the room when the cops came in, one of them Stabler, I shivered and tried to focus on the women who came in with him. ‘Hi, I’m Benson, we’re going to ask you some questions about your time being held prisoner’ I swallowed and they sat down, Stabler made sure he sat down a bit further from me. The first questions were the easiest, like: ‘Where did you stay? What did you eat? Did I know anyone in there. With that last question I knew It would just get harder, I hide my shivering hands under the blankets and took a deep sigh. ‘I knew Hardman and Louis before I was held there’. I squeezed the blanket as hard as I could to keep myself calm. ‘Can you tell us about the first day you arrived?’ My mind drifted to Trevor and what he said the first day I was there, thinking about him made my heart beat faster and my monitor beeped a bit harder. I cleared my throat and looked down while speaking, ‘He told me I had to listen to him, that I was there to please them and the clients. W-we had to shower all together but after an incident we all went separately with our ‘guards’. We had to stay in our cells when we had no clients’. She wrote things down, waited a minute and asked: ‘who is this ‘he’ you talk about?’. ‘Please’ I begged but Trevor had no ear for my begging, he threw off my sheets and just looked me over. I had the urge to shove my fist down his throat but I had no choice but to lay still. He pulled down my pants and and while grinning he stroked me. This was the umpteenth time he’d came in in my first weeks, I was tired of him, and Tom, who came and took his turn after Trevor. He laid down next to me and kissed me, he did not make any gesture to get dressed and leave once he was done with me and I knew Tom would take it out on me. I had fallen asleep but a sound woke me, a hard banging sound. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and sat straight up. I saw Tom banging Trevor’s head against the wall over and over again until his body went limp and his eyes, that looked at me, turned blank. I was so scared I hardly dared to make a sound, he threw Trevor aside as a rag doll and he ended up on the end of my bed, looking at me. Tom came towards me and I thought I’d die right there so scared was I. I clamped to the sheets and breathed heavily, the machines next to me were beeping like crazy. I couldn’t see anything but trevor's head on my bed and I couldn't calm myself, the nurses and doctors tried to sooth me by talking to me but then someone took my hand and stroked it very softly. I focused on the blur who held my hand and while I got calmer, I saw what I already new, it was Mike. I just looked at his face, which had no evil expression on it and had no empty eyes, he just looked worried. The machines stopped beeping but I kept Mike's hand near me. They couldn’t risk giving you a drug to calm down. Benson and stabler both looked very pale but saw I had recovered. ‘We’re gonna go, we will visit you when you are stronger, for now you can’t get back to work until you’re better and after the trial has been. Once you’re released from the hospital you will need to go see a shrink, for you, but also so she can make a rapport for the court, that you are fit enough for trial. For now rest and we’ll see you soon’. And so I just sat there with Mike’s hand and feeling more ashamed by the minute. I pulled my hand back, ‘so what about that walk outside?’ ‘Are you sure?’ ‘Yes’. Mike got the wheelchair and with permission took me for a walk to the park.It was strange being outside after being locked in the dark for so long. He walked me around without any talking. He stopped at a bench and sat down next to me and so we sat there just watching at the beautiful sky. I took his hand as anker and closed my eyes and allowed my mind some quiet, just the noise from the park. He waited till I opened my eyes to speak, ‘I talked to the doctor when I was waiting outside, and if you’re hiring someone to stay and help you around the house it’s okay to go home, of course with regularly check-ups but I convinced him you’ll feel better when you’re in your own home. You’ll be in your own home, your own surroundings and if you let me, I’ll help you’. ‘I hope you don’t feel obligated to do that because I don't need the pity. He looked at me and swallowed whatever he was about to say, ‘I want to help you, not out obligation but because I care about you’. I looked at him and I couldn't explain why it suddenly didn't bother me if I hurted him or not, as if a switch was turned in my head. ‘I won’t stop you if you do’. I didn’t mean to be so distant towards him but to handle my own pain and next to that, in a way take care of him was too much. It was a way of self-defense I had to take care of myself for now. ‘ I’ll arrange it as soon as I get to the hospital’ I don't want to spend another minute in the same hospital as Tom I thought. And so it was arranged, the same night I was in my own home in my own bed. I had a female nurse for the first few days and Mike who helped me out. Tomorrow the psychiatrist comes here until I can go to her practice. I was alone with Mike and while it felt so good to be home I couldn't erase the last memory in this house. Mike was asleep in the guest room, I stood up and walked as best as I could to the bathroom. I had a mirror that you can retracted to 360, so you could see yourself, all of yourself. I wanted to memorize how my body looked, I was told they already took photos when I was in coma to spare me that when I was awake. I undressed myself and after a deep sigh I looked in the mirrors, I deserved every memory that would come with it, after all I let it all happen to me. I took mental notes, I was very thin. My front : my hand went over my chest where the scars from the first lashes were, where it all began and a lot of bruises and other scars that were made in time,and my neck the most recent one and it was still sore and had all kind of bruises. My back: the deep cuts he made turf-wise on my back, he beat me a lot with his belt and stick on my back and chest and that was clearly visible. And then I looked where the most damage was done but where nothing was visible, my ass. I felt tears rolling over my face and angry I scraped them off ‘You go and cry again, I’ll enjoy it to make it stop’ I was angry at myself, I deserved every single wound I got. I looked at myself and wondered what the hell made me so special. I was panting without realizing, I guess I was scared and sad for so long I could finally be angry. To be honest I didn't know how to feel. I stood there for quite some time forcing to look at myself.I dressed and grabbed the bag on my way to the bed, it had my book in it. I grabbed a pen and opened the book, the interview with Mike fell out and I forgot it was in there. I looked at the photo, and was determined to get better as soon as I can and so I drawled squares on all the letters until I got so tired that I wasn't afraid to go to sleep, or had no choice to anyway.‘I have something new for us to try this time’ Louis grinned in a way that gave me goosebumps. He grabbed in his bag and pulled out some thing I didn't know what it was. ‘Today he said, is all about you, I want to see you how many times you can come, we have longer than usual, and if I like it we do more sessions like this’. I had my comments on my lips, but swallowed them since nothing good could come of them. The only power I had was praying he got a heart attack. He made me lie naked on the bed and do nothing else. I was freaked out with all the toys on the bed, he was sick. He grabbed something that looked like an egg and with some lotion he put it inside me. He grabbed a remote and turned the egg on, and I grabbed the bedsheets in response. He used so many toys and gave me many weird commands. To see what he would use more often he said. He had the disgusting habit to lay naked next to me when I was done and he still couldn't keep his hands to himself and his hands were everywhere. I opened my eyes and sighed, I wouldn't mind some dreams about puppies or something I said to myself. I turned on the tv and waited for the world to wake. A knock on the door and Mike and the nurse came in, she checked the wounds and after I refused her help to shower she left. Mike brought me some cereal, I had to build up with light food. It didn't matter what I got, everything tasted like heaven. ‘ The psychiatrist will come soon, I’ll send her in when you're done showering. The detectives come again this afternoon’. I nodded and waited till he left the bedroom before I undressed myself, I had a stool for under the shower and enjoyed my shower alone. I got dressed, in again way too big clothes and sad on my bed waiting for the shrink. I was quite exhausted from the shower and a knock on the door woke me. A woman came in and she closed the door. She was quite long but had something friendly about her. She took her distance and sat on a stool next to the bed. ‘Hi I am Esther’ she waited a few seconds and said ‘I’m specialized in help after traumas. How are you feeling today?’ ‘I'm okay’. ‘I’ll explain again why it’s important to let me help you. You've endured a tremendous trauma and that is my first priority to help you go on with your life. I’m going to help you be strong enough for court’. I just looked at her and I wanted to believe what she said but it was too hard. ‘How are you gonna help me?’ ‘One step at a time. Tell me, what is your biggest problem you've got in the short period you're free?’ I was doubting about what to tell her, should I be honest? Did I deserve the help? ‘Maybe it’s better everyone leaves me alone, I don’t want pity and I don't have any interest in testifying against anyone. I don't want the help, so you don't have to waste your time.’ But she didn't argue, she didn't leave and she didn't even get angry. ‘You don't have to talk to me, but I am going to be here, I don't think you should deal with this alone, and until you learn to share what you've been through I am going to be by your side’. And she did, I was so glad she came every other day but when she was here I couldn't share anything, so we just read something, or just sat there, but just the company was good. After 2 weeks Mike and I lived passed each other, I felt that he wanted to help me, comfort me when I screamed awake at night but he didn't dare to. I could finally eat everything again, but it wasn't a victory for me. Mike started to look more and more like my roommate than two people who loved each other. The detectives still couldn't build a case because of me, I didn't wanted to feel that important, didn't want that responsibility, so I basically was being a coward. My body was the only thing that improved, I eated good and I sported everyday a bit more at home to get fitter. And after 3 weeks the scale wasn't out the danger zone, but at least not frightening anymore. Ester demanded that I came to her practice from now on, since I was able to. I hadn't been outside since the park with Mike. My cab had arrived and after a hesitation I stepped outside, half expecting to be dragged in a van. I waited in the waiting area in her practice and she came out and took me to her room. She closed the door and mike was there on a chair. She went and sit down on her chair and I just stood there, feeling ambushed. ‘What is this?’ ‘Mike is here because he is worried about you, and so am I. We are just here to help you, you are not moving on with your life, and that's what we are going to help you with’. ‘I don't need any help, I'm getting there myself’. ‘Please sit down, maybe you can help Mike then? Just listen to him and then decide what you want to do’. So I sad down in the chair across from Mike and wasn't planning on saying a word. I saw that Mike was full with emotion and my heart ached. He cried before he spoke his first words ‘I missed you everyday you were away, I tried everything I couldn't sleep or eat, it felt like a prison’. He stroke a nerve there but I kept my mouth shut. ‘We finally found you, got you back and I still miss you. I don't know how to help you while I clearly see that you're struggling.’ Esther looked at me, waiting for a response. ‘I’m sorry I'm inconvenient for you, but no one is forcing you to stay.’ He threw his hands in the air out of desperation. I felt my anger rising. ‘Do you want Mike to move out?’ -No!- ‘I don't care if he did’. ‘Why do you keep pushing me away? Let me help you!’ ‘Okay’ Esther said, I'm going to ask you something and I want you to answer honestly. ‘When you were held captive what was your anchor to hold on, to not give up but to keep fighting’. That was the question I was scared to answer. I felt my wall breaking and felt a lump in my throat. ‘Mike was my anchor’ my voice broke. Mike sat there restless from hurt but kept looking at me. ‘When you are ready’ she said ‘tell us what you want’. I looked at my hands and started telling, what could I care. ‘On my first day they beated me till I bleed’ I paused a second to find words for something I didn't dare to say. ‘They raped me on my first day. I was so scared that I didn't think of mike till the next day when Hardman came into my cell’. I heard noises from Mike but didn't look up. ‘Every time you make a sound they don't like, you get beaten, every time you talk about home you get beaten’. I had hardman, Louis and my guard and other clients who all wanted a piece of me, every day again and again. I wanted to die’ I took a deep breath and looked Mike in the eye. ‘But I didn't let myself do that, even when I couldn't bear the pain and the cold. All I wanted was to see you again. That was the whole reason I kept going. When I finally saw you I was so happy, but I knew I can never be the Harvey you know, I am not tough anymore, I'm a wuss’. I hesitated for a moment before continuing, ‘whenever I let myself be raped but I couldn't bear it, I thought of you and I am so sorry for that, I am ashamed for that’. Mike sobbed uncontrollably and shook his head. I continued, ‘I miss you still, but I scare myself every time. I want you near me, but that also frightens me. I don't know anymore, you deserve someone who can take care of you and love you the way you deserve’. Mike stood up and pulled me on my feet and looked me in the eye, ‘I love you Harvey Specter and no one else will ever come close to how I feel about you’. And he hugged me, it shocked me and I couldn't believe it. I finally gave my tears the go-ahead and hugged him back, I hugged him tight and cried like I couldn't stop. ‘I love you, and only you’ Mike whispered. ‘I am your man, and you are not any less.’ I think we stood there hugging for 15 minutes, I felt so relieved but still scared. I grabbed his hand and we both sat down on the bank. ‘Harvey’ Esther said ‘what happened to you is not your fault. The man that did this deserves to go away and never see daylight again. ‘I’ll testify if they still want me’ but the feeling of it being my fault didn't go away. The detectives will come and take a full statement, but after Christmas. It totally slipped my mind that it was almost Christmas. ‘I want to talk to you before you talk to them, just to prepare you’. We said goodbye and I was afraid to say a word the whole ride home. We went inside, ‘ come sit down for a second Harvey’. I sat down next to him on the couch afraid what he was gonna say. ‘I don't want you to close up again’ he grabbed my hands. ‘You need to know you're safe with me, I won't ever hurt you or leave you, I want to help you with what you're going through’. I swallowed my tears, ‘why would you want to know what's bothering me? It's to horrific for me to even think about it’. ‘There is no need for you to suffer alone, you've done that for way too long, I'm here to help you, please let me’. I really wanted to, but I've survived so long with keeping everything to myself, it was hard to believe I wouldn't get beaten or worse if I told now. But I couldn't crawl back again. ‘I will, but I I don't know how yet’. ‘We’ll figure it out together, but first Christmas, what do you want to do? With me of course’. ‘I'd like to order in and watch Christmas movies with you, I just want to be alone with you’. ‘Great plan’. And so Christmas came, Mike had decorated a large plant since we had no real tree. It was gonna be the cheapest and -for other people- boring Christmas but for me it was perfect. Mike had made a perfect breakfast and I decided I needed him to see me, I was constantly worrying about it, and I decided to just do it and I was really scared. I led him to my bedroom, it was the only place I felt safe enough to take of my clothes. I explained why I wanted to. ‘If this is to uncomfortable just say so’. ‘No, I'm proud that you're confident enough to let me see it, it’s hard for me to see, but that's all’. I suppressed the memories of me stripping, which I’ve done so many times, this was different, so mind; shut up. A little bit shaky I took off my pants and my shirt. I stood there in my boxer and felt scared, yet freed, I let someone see it, let Hardman and Tom have a little less control over me. Mike looked me in the eye and then to my body, it had scars from cuts and lashes. The bruises were mostly gone, besides from the scars, the most damage was inside my head. His hand touched my chest, where the knife had wounded me, he gently touched the scars from the lashes and then he walked behind me. I heard a small suppressed sound and I didn't know how to feel. My back had endured many,many beatings with belts,lashes and fists and I knew it didn't look pretty. At last he laid his hand on my turf-scars and I put my hand over my shoulder, over his. ‘Tom made those when I was sentimental about home, about you. At some point I didn't even dare to think about you. He made sure I would never forget him’. He turned me around to face him and tears were running down his face. ‘You are the bravest man I know, I am sorry that I am the reason of these scars. But Harvey, you look much better, your body is healing very well’. ‘This is maybe strange’ I said ‘but may I kiss you’? He wiped his tears and nodded. With my heart pounding as hell I took his head in my hands and kissed him and it felt so good. It was the first passionate kiss I had in a long time, it was a perfect day. We kissed more since Christmas, it was the only affection I could give him at the moment. But it was not less arousing. I’ve been to Esther and she said the detectives will come this afternoon to take my statement. That meant seeing Stabler again too. Jessica gave Mike work he could do at home, with me, until I could come back or didn't needed want company any longer. I went to my mini-gym to pass the time while Mike was working. I spend a lot of time here, I didn't want to feel weak ever again. I took a shower and got dressed, just in time because the doorbell rang. I hadn't told anyone about Tom, and I wasn't sure I was going to, it was because of him that I stood here but it didn't make the memories any better. I heard them in the living room and quite nervous I opened walked in the living room. I sat down next to Mike and squeezed his hand. ‘You look good Harvey’ Benson said. ‘Thanks’. ‘We can take all the time you need. We’re gonna prepare you the best way we can by rehearsing and telling you what questions you can expect in court.’ We started where we ended the last time, I made sure I still had Mike's hand and answered. ‘That -he- was Trevor, he was the one seemed to be in charge and he took a great liking to me from the first time he saw me’. I suppressed the vivid memory of his death and continued, ‘Tom killed him out of jealousy and raped me while the body was on my bed’. Mike looked anything but angry and that reassured me. They asked about the clients and what they liked to do, how many times I had to visit Hardman and the late night visits about Tom. It was hard and we had to stop a few times for me to continue but we got through it all. ‘Thank you Harvey, I understand that that was hard but you're going to help a lot of people with this. The doctor you didn't want us to harm, he is okay and he is going to testify for you, they had his son there as well so he had no choice but to cooperate. Some of the other men are willing to testify that you had it harder than any other, how they heard and saw you’. ‘But they had it just as bad as me, I don't want to force them to do that’. She smiled, ‘they came to us, you're the reason they are free, they wanted to help you in any way’. I looked at Stabler and smiled, ‘we did help them didn't we’. His eyes teared up and he nodded ‘ we sure did’. ‘We found Travis and he is going to testify about 10 years ago, how you stood up for him, and that you've had to handle with this for so long’. She paused for a moment, ‘Louis gave us a tape recorder he had on for most of your sessions in hope he would get less sentence’. ‘He recorded it? And they will play that in court?’ ‘Yes, it is exactly what we need to support your testimony’. She put everything away and seemed ready to go when she looked serious, ‘Harvey, Tom woke from his coma this morning and he seems to be ready in time to speak in court’. I looked at Mike in shock. ‘Is there anything that he can say that can hurt our case?’ I looked at Stabler, he would definitely tell everyone that he fucked a cop. ‘There is’ I said ‘I didn't want it to come out, but he will definitely say it. There is no reception at all down there, and first time Tom is always present so Stabler had no choice.. if he wanted to come back again. If he didn't I still would be there, and he would probably be dead’. She looked shocked. ‘I don't want him to get punished, he saved all of us’. ‘We are gonna do our best to explain that, but we’re not gonna say anything till the defense does’. We are gonna practice until court, the media is all over this case so I bet the case will be fast, we will hear the court date in the morning. I don't want you to seek contact with Tom in any way, you're gonna see him in court’. ‘Don't worry I won’t’. They left and we just sat there on the couch. ‘What if they go free? The end is finally in sight’. ‘They won’t get away, it’s just a matter of how long their sentences are gonna be’. We heard our court date was gonna be in just a month. Knowing I had to see everyone there was scary but it was for a greater purpose. Time passed and I was as prepared as I could be. I had heard the testimonies of the other victims and the doctor, today was Travis, me, Hardman, Tom and the tapes. Mike walked towards the guest room ‘would you sleep next to me? It's gonna be a hard day tomorrow’. He smiled and walked towards my room, ‘I'm sorry if I wake you during the night, it’s still work in progress’. ‘You can wake me whenever you need’ and he gave me a kiss. He stripped his clothes and grabbed his pajamas, I felt guilty for being aroused and turned my head away. My body was in good shape again, but I still felt very vulnerable. I put on my shirt and we went to bed, I just hoped I wouldn't punch him because I thought he was Tom. Tomorrow is gonna be the beginning of the end. I’ve had enough, I wanted to go forward with Mike, fuck this, fuck being scared I wanted Mike, and I was always gonna be scared. I threw of the sheets and sat on top of Mike who looked quite surprised at this. He didn't argue, his boner said he was more than ready. He let me do it my way, that was quite new since I've always been getting orders. There was no rush, no aggression just passion. I kissed him and moved back and forth on his lap, he moaned and got blushed, I wanted to remember every detail his face and body made. I took off his shirt and pants and at last I took his shorts. After a slight hesitation I took of my own shirt, it took me a bit longer to took off my own shorts but I looked at Mike and my hesitation was gone. I kissed him and my hand went over his chest and I found his quite sensitive nipples, it made him giggle and moan. Then my hand found his penis and he was quiet, he just looked me in the eye and they were filled with love. He shivered while I stroked it and he stopped me before he came and while panting he laid me down, ‘tell me how you want me to do it’. I took his hand and after my heart skipped a beat I placed it on my penis, it was so different than all those times. I was scared to show my affection, but I didn't need to, I could let myself go with him, I wouldn't get a beating. I moaned, he was so gently, I kissed him while a tear ran down my face ‘would you?..’ He kissed me full passion and nodded. He took a little lotion and hung over me and very gently he came inside, I bite my lip, this was intense. I didn't hold myself back and I moved and made noises I wanted to make. I kissed him while the tears ran down my face and I smiled when he looked worried for a second. I did what I didn't thought I'd ever dare to again. I turned him on his back and went inside him, I liked the faces he made and the noises that came out of him. Make stroked his own penis and while panting and moaning we came. I wanted to get dressed immediately, but then realized I didn't have to and I lied down next to him. ‘That was amazing Harvey he said’. I looked at him all covered with sweat which made him even more gorgeous. ‘You are so beautiful’ he blushed, I pulled the sheets over us and this time he crawled in my arms. I stopped for the entrance ‘I need a moment’, Mike didn't said a word and waited next to me. This was the moment I was gonna see all of them. I opened the the doors and we walked in, I deliberately didn't look around, I wanted to find our seats first. We had front row next to Travis. I looked around and there they were in prison clothing since bail was denied. I saw them there I couldn't understand how they ever had so much power. Tom winked at me and I squeezed Mike's hand, he wouldn't get to me after today. Travis was first up, he told everyone what for beast Hardman was 10 years ago to him and me and how I would take most of the blame so he would come after me instead of him. How he started my career and had threatened to destroy me. He even went into detail which took me way back but Mike was my anker and I hold his hand tight and looked at him when needed. When Hardman and Tom were on the stand Benson and Stabler tore them apart, they had nothing to stand on. And then came the moment I feared, it was my turn. I felt exposed, but I found Mikes face and he reassured me. The questions were brutal and kept coming: How many customers did you had those 4 months? - 3/4 times a dayWere there other people, so called guards, forced you into having sex? - yes, I had my own guardWhat did you get to eat?-old or moldy bread with waterDid you get abused a lot? - yes I didCan you tell us why?- sometimes because I missed home, or because I was to tired. Or because they felt like it.As you said earlier, you had your own guard there? - yes, he supervised my every move and stood guard. Was he kind to you? - noWhat did he do to you? - he saw me as his property, he got jealous of every client, and he claimed me every night to himself. That's what got him almost killed? - he was in my cell when the guards game, so yes.Did he do anything else to you?- he beat me very often, when I complained or said I missed home. When I cried he carved a stripe on my back with a knife. I have 5 of them.We're gonna show the jury some pictures of you after you were saved.The pictures were enhanced so not only the jury but the whole courtroom could see how bad I looked. What do you think was the reason hardman took you?- jealousy, that I did care about someone but not him. You have history with him right?- yes, 10 years ago he abused me on almost a daily bases. You never stood up?- no, I was young and very afraid of him. His threats made me fear himDid you know any of your clients?- yes, a few I recognised from my field of work. Anyone close to you? - yes, Louis Litt, senior partner at the firm. Did he ever offered to help you?- no he enjoyed his power over meCan you tell us what he made you do? And the tape was being played. How he made me do embarrassing things just for his pleasure, and how sometimes I tried to plead with him to do nothing. It shocked the whole courtroom. And they kept coming, both sides asked some hard questions and I was so glad when I was done. The only thing left were the closing arguments. The defense did what we expected they exploited that stabler was a cob, but we came back with strong arguments and that if he hadn't done it, we still would be there. All we had to do now is wait.They reached their verdict within two hours:Hardman, life imprisonment without the possibility of parole.Tom, life imprisonment without the possibility of parole.Louis, 25 yearsAll the guards, 5-10 years.Stabler got the help he needed, not a punishment.Finally we got home and exhausted we sat down on the couch. ‘It’s really over’ Mike said. ‘Not sure it will ever be over’ I said softly. He took my hand, ‘we’ll get there, time will heal’. I smiled and hope I could ever believe him.