Work Text
Minhyuk opens his eyes and all he can see is white. White walls, white floors, even white furniture, everything in this room an almost unbearable, blinding white.He shifts in his seat, hands absentmindedly going to play with his bangs, but they seem to be styled up. He looks down at himself, and, not surprisingly, he’s wearing all white as well, a tailored suit hugging his body, tie adjusted neatly around his neck. Even his socks are white, and at this point he is sure that his underwear are white too. He checks, nonetheless.He stands up and walks around, prying fingers touching everything in this weird room, trying to find a clue as to why he has found himself in this angelic like environment, without remembering anything prior to this peculiar occurrence. He remembers being in his house, rushing to go to work, getting ready as fast as he can but apparently, he never got there, because this, is nothing like work.As if reading his thoughts, the door situated at a distant corner of this white boxy room opens, a man standing behind it, a small smile on his lips and a perfectly fitting suit hugging every curve of his body as if it was his second skin. There’s a room behind the door as well and Minhyuk almost squints, because the lack of white suddenly seems too unbearable to him. Everything seems normal in it, he can even spot a “live, love, laugh” frame on the wall, and nothing screams “normal” more than this Ikea frame. He knows, because he has the same one hanging above his bed.“Hello, you can come in. I will answer every question of yours.”The man has a mellow, gravel like voice and Minhyuk gets lured by it, doing whatever the man said, entering the room and sitting in the first chair he finds, in front of a honey brown, wooden desk. He looks around as the man takes a seat on the too comfortable leather chair of his, flashing Minhyuk a welcoming smile, but keeping up his professionalism completely.“So, Lee Minhyuk. I’m Yoo Kihyun, first of all, nice to meet you. I’m sure you have lots of things to say, and I’m sure I have all the answers.”Minhyuk nods, but he can’t stop his mouth from running. Typical Lee Minhyuk move.“Where am I? I don’t remember much about it, I was going to work and-”“This place, Minhyuk, is a place you have surely heard about before. In Christianism and Judaism they call it Heaven, Paradise in Islam, Nirvana in Buddhism and it goes on and on.”Minhyuk’s brain doesn’t seem to be following whatever this pink haired man says given by his cow like gaze, so Kihyun lets out a sigh, and explains further.“Thing is, Lee Minhyuk, you’re dead. And this is the first step of the afterlife. Your afterlife.”Awkward silence settles between the two men before Minhyuk opens his mouth, sound slipping out moments later.“So, I’m dead.”“Mhm. Really dead.”“And now, I get to live here.”“Exactly. In,” Kihyun checks a few papers in front of him, “Heaven. That’s how you liked to call it.”Minhyuk didn’t really care about religion while he was alive, but, for the times he had to talk about a good place, where good, kind, not-sin-clad people go, he called it Heaven.“That’s...true.”There’s hesitance in his speech and Kihyun seems to be catching up on that in an instant.“Oh, you must be wondering why I know this. You see, every detail about your life down on Earth is being written down, every single one, for the purpose of being evaluated later. You know, in order to get sorted. Good, bad, you get the drill.”Minhyuk nods, he can figure out this much. Who is he to judge his acts though? Is there really a way of measuring how good or bad he was? Some kind of-“There’s a list of good and bad acts, all sorted out by intensity. For example, uhm, not sealing your toast bread when you’re done using it can cost you -5 points, and, sorting your folders by number or theme can cost you +5. It’s really about being chaotic or lawful.”Minhyuk can count more than -1000 points already, just by the bread. Maybe -995, since he had helped Youngjae sort out his folders one day, when he had labeled the annual incomes one “Bucks we earn”. He doesn’t want to think how many points Youngjae may have lost by doing this. He nods, letting Kihyun finish.“The final score that you get out of all your acts, good or bad, gets you in the respective place. Negative score means you get sent downstairs, to Hell, as you may call it. You, Lee Minhyuk, have add up,” he checks his papers again, a proud smile settling on his lips, “one of the best Heaven scores we have seen in years. One point five million points.”The too white for this room tie around Minhyuk’s neck almost feels like a noose with this announcement, the fake smile he flashes to Kihyun hurting the corners of his mouth. One point five freaking million? Him? Can wearing your underwear inside out just to avoid washing them give you extra good points? Or maybe, throwing his extra five cents in the tips jar in Starbucks just because he didn’t want it in his wallet?“I’m proud this happened as I am in charge here. I may have my portrait hung up on this wall there, along with the rest.”Minhyuk turns his head, more for avoiding Kihyun’s piercing, proud gaze rather than for checking what he was talking about. He sees a wall full of accomplished looking people, clad in formal wear and a badge each, the highest score a person has earned during their presidency written in bright letters. Kihyun seems to be craving a place on this wall, because his eyes are yelling desire. Kihyun clears his throat, eyes returning on his papers, focused once more.“There’s a last thing I have to tell you before we leave this office. Do you want to know how you died? People usually remember this but...we avoid keeping these memories in people’s brains when their death is...kind of embarrassing.”That catches Minhyuk’s attention once again, being the only thing he finds relatable till now.“You can erase people’s memories?”“We can, just by snapping our fingers. We can practically do whatever we want. An architect, has numerous abilities, you see. So, do you want to know? Most people don’t, they want to keep a clear mind in Heaven.”“I want to know.”Kihyun’s knowing smirk makes Minhyuk wonder how much information about him these papers contain.“You,” he lets out a muffled chuckle, “were in your home, going to work, getting dressed quickly.”“I remember this much, yeah.”“What you may not remember is that as you were wearing your underwear with one hand, the other occupied in searching for a box of...Fruit Loops it says,” Kihyun looks up when Minhyuk mouths “cereal”, “your leg got caught in the thigh hole and you tripped. Hitting the back of your head lethally on the dining table.”“Ah.”“It says here that you like Cookie Crunch, uhm, cereal better. I don’t know what this is but dying for not your favorite ones sounds sad.”“It is. Did I at least die with underwear on?”Kihyun furrows his eyebrows when he tries to check and Minhyuk gets his answer. Kihyun seems to get the hint and he smiles, gathering every paper spread on his neatly organised desk and placing them in a folder, the name Lee Minhyuk written on it with clear, big letters. He stands up and adjusts his jet black blazer, before he extends an arm towards a door Minhyuk didn’t notice it was there.“Shall we? I have more explaining to do, but not here.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Heaven, or the Good Place, as we architects call it, is exactly how the people here want it to be.”
Minhyuk can’t seem to concentrate on what Kihyun is saying, because what’s around him is messing with his brain.
He has never seen such a park before, the grass
greener
than green, geometrically pleasing pebble pavements that don’t poke on his feet even through the thin soles of his shoes, every restaurant, cafe and store around built as it is supposed to be; everything seems in perfect balance, each decorative cacti and drop of running fountain water
exactly
where it should be for every person to enjoy it. Kihyun stops talking when he sees Minhyuk’s jaw almost touching the ground, clearing his throat and pressing his mouth close.
“This is,” he turns to look at him wide eyed and if he was in an anime, he would have small, yellow stars in his eyes, “wow.”
“As I said, it’s made out of people’s preferences. It matches every desire of every person in this neighborhood perfectly.”
Minhyuk nods as he gets distracted again by a mint painted building a few feet in front of them, a huge smoothie cup right next to the entrance.
“Was a smoothie bar everyone’s choice?”
“Smoothies are versatile, don’t you think? So many options. People here love it.”
Fruit smoothies. Guess Heaven should be kind of healthy.
“They are not earth smoothies though.”
Kihyun’s smirk has Minhyuk interested enough to listen to what the man says for the first time since they stepped foot in this place. Kihyun stops a man who walks next to him, sipping from a large sized cup of a hot pink smoothie.
“Going for today’s skin care session, Seokjin?
Seokjin, clad in more pink than Minhyuk deemed possible stops in front of them, a seductive smile on his rosy lips.
“On point as always, Kihyunnie, gotta stay handsome. Showing the place around to cute newcomers?”
“Gotta keep everyone satisfied. What did you get today?”
Kihyun points at the smoothie with his chin and the man sips audibly from his cup before answering, humming in pleasure.
“Kissproof matte lipstick flavor. The best after the all day lasting perfume one.”
“Nothing beats the spotlessly clean house one and you know it.”
“You have no taste, Kihyunnie, and
you
know it. I’ll let you guys walk around, see you!”
The man walks away leaving behind the strongest rose scent Minhyuk has ever smelled and he isn’t sure if he’s feeling dizzy because of that or because of what he just heard.
“Did he just say...kissproof matte lipstick
flavor
?”
Kihyun nods, adjusting his tie and taking a look at his notes.
“They have all the potential things that give people joy in their flavor menu. Even...the feeling when you see someone throwing their paper cup in the recycling bin. That was made just for you, Minhyuk. Just now.”
Kihyun is pointing towards the large, plastic smoothie on the entrance and Minhyuk glances at a small screen on it, minty letters announcing that this exact new flavor is now on sale. He wishes he can get a mango smoothie instead. A regular one. With a pinch of yoghurt.
“Everyone in the Good Place has a house of his own as well, built exactly as they want it to be,” Kihyun continues with his endless at this point monologue as he walks down a long street, all kinds of different buildings side to side, nothing mingling but everything feeling just
right
at the same time. Minhyuk has never seen all these different kinds of flats and homes next to one another, there’s a fucking
castle
at the end of the street and he just hopes that it belongs to him.
He almost gets convinced when Kihyun and him are heading closer and closer to it, the jasmine scent from the garden almost dazing; he loves jasmines. And he also loves castles. Well, who doesn’t.
They eventually stop right in front of it, and he doesn’t even hold himself from another jaw hanging on the floor session. Finally, something feels totally like how he is imagining Heaven to be. Kihyun next to him snickers when he gets this reaction, taking a deep breath after a quick glance on his papers, ready to begin another babbling round.
“And this, Minhyuk, is your house on Heaven.”
He can already see the view of the whole paradise right in front of his eyes, the king sized beds he will be lying on, the just-hot-and-vanilla-ish-enough baths he will be having in his long, porcelain bathtubs. Kihyun did mention that he can ask for anything, so he may as well fill his cabinets with hot Cheetos. It’s Heaven after all.
“Where are you going?”
Kihyun’s voice stops him and he stops walking towards the castle, turning to see what is taking so long for Kihyun to guide him, since he was quite fiery with all his explanations and instructions till now.
“Home.”
“But your house is here.”
Kihyun points towards Minhyuk’s right and he nearly wishes he was partially blind.
“Come on, we don’t have all day.”
His legs carry him involuntarily towards a small cottage-like house, gray brick walls and short, matching pillars supporting the large housetop, three small stairs leading to the main entrance. It has a small garden surrounded by a grey fence, same color as the bricks, and as he walks closer through the small main path, he notices various kinds of vegetable and fruit plants and trees, already flourishing and baring goods. His eye catches some gardening tools neatly placed next to the fence as well, meant for maintaining the small garden, he guesses.
Kihyun opens the door to Minhyuk’s dream like house and when he steps in, he is in for another surprise.
“Figured you would like the garden, since you were helping with gardening a lot all around the city. The scouts are watering them, I can assure you. They are all gaining points, but you didn’t hear it from me,” he winks before starting to give a tour of the already self explanatory interior of the house.
“We have everything you like in here, as you may have already noticed,” he touches the
too many
striped and furry pillows on the couch, admiring the decor.
“Bohemic, with just a pinch of contemporary. There are your, uhm, snake plants and your aloe veras. You seem to go nuts over these, so you have plenty. Nice, huh? I think we did a great job.”
From the ceiling to the very far away corner of this house everything is too...green. From the barely processed wooden armchairs to the probably handmade kilim carpets; the house is screaming nature, and Kihyun seems
too
into it.
“Oh, and since you’re a vegan, we have…” he makes a bee line to the kitchen and Minhyuk follows instinctively, he opens the fridge and his chest fills with satisfaction, “...everything you may need. Every vegetable and fruit possible, plant derived dairy and of course,
of course,
your favorite meal on earth. Cucumber noodles with juuuust a tad of mustard sauce.”
If Kihyun can see under the unreadable expression on Minhyuk’s face, he doesn’t mention a thing, because after this brief trip to the kitchen he returns back in the living room, grabbing a remote control in his hands and mustering his Heaven Tour Guide facade for the umpteenth time.
“This is something every person here in the Good Place loves and cherishes. Some people watch this like a movie, even. Watch carefully.”
He presses a red button on the remote and suddenly the bonsai tree wall painting becomes a screen, different options appearing on it, and Minhyuk’s name is right on the top, as the main user. His eyes get stuck on the “Memories” option and that’s what Kihyun seems to be interested in as well, because he selects and presses enter just when Minhyuk thinks about it, opening a vast gallery of pictures and videos, all dated and labeled.
“These are all your memories from earth, all sorted by date. Your birth here, your first day in the Biology Department at SNU, even the first time you had soy milk. This seems to be a cherished one. The ones with a star were really important for you, you see.”
He scrolls and stops at a certain video, labeled “Saving the day for the little ones!” and having a three star rank.
“Like this, see, the day you helped save these creatures. These,” he really can’t go on without consulting his papers even for a moment, “sea turtles. Your helping them go safely into the sea was a great plus in your score. It really brought you forth.”
Minhyuk takes the remote from Kihyun and browses in the vast expanse of his memories till the last day of his life, where he can see his death happening from his own eyes, his cereal all over the floor and his genitals set free as he was falling behind, the last thing before the screen goes dark his light bulb and his pale yellow kitchen cabinets.
“I can’t believe I can just go through everything like that, like, it’s my personal Netflix, right? My own series. Speaking of Netflix, can I subscribe? I need my daily dose of Brooklyn 99.”
“You can have whatever you desire, just ask for it. No...earthly subscriptions.”
“Do I just yell or something?”
“Kind of. Just yell “Shownu” and you’ll see. Or, just say it. Without yelling. There’s no reason to do that. Like this. Shownu.”
There seems to be something going on with tailored suit clad men appearing out of thin air because when Kihyun says the word, a bulky, all muscles and gummy smiles man just materializes, straight posture and a kind expression on his face.
“Good morning, sirs, how can I help you?”
Kihyun smiles to Shownu and turns to Minhyuk, who is still trying to get used to people scaring the fuck out of him whenever he is least expecting it.
“This is our database. You can ask for practically everything, whatever your brain can come up with. He can solve every question and bring you whatever you need, for free, of course.”
“Oh, that’s why I didn’t see a single shop on our way here. I thought I had to stay in this suit eternally for a moment there. T’was scary. This thing has
suspenders.
”
He sneaks his hands underneath the too white blazer and he hooks his thumbs on the suspenders, pulling and letting go, the straps smacking back on his chest. He catches Kihyun taking a glimpse of the garment twice, and he considers trading these with something that doesn’t make him look like a tuxedo cosplay of Archangel Michael. Maybe Kihyun’s burgundy tie. It looks bomb.
Shownu just keeps a low profile until Kihyun tells him that he’s not needed, the man bowing and returning back to his dimension, whatever this is, leaving the two men in the middle of this living room disguised greenhouse. Minhyuk is about to ask if this endless trip is finally over when he hears a knock on his door. It’s all glass but coloured, so even though Minhyuk can discern a silhouette, he can see no more. Couldn’t they give him a proper door at least?
“Oh, it must be him,” Kihyun mumbles, striding confidently towards
his
door as if he owns the house.
“Him?”
“Hoseok. Lee Hoseok.”
As the silhouette becomes a person when Kihyun opens the door, Minhyuk finds himself staring, because this,
this
is what the true Good Place must look like, if it was a person.
Black, soft looking hair, a round face, brown puppy-like eyes and a body to die for, this Hoseok dude is straight out of Minhyuk’s wet dreams. He shyly gets in, rubbing his shoes clean on the “Plants are friends, so are you” doormat and when he flashes a small, kind smile Minhyuk swears that he is kind of glad he tripped on his own underwear.
“Sorry I’m late, I ran into Jihoon at the street. He
had
to treat me to his being 1.92 and producing a big hit song smoothie, you know how he is, a proud, small fella.”
“Has he bought anything different, ever?”
“I don’t think so,” Hoseok rubs the back of his neck and chuckles cutely, “but I don’t blame him. I mean, I can’t stop buying the instant ramen flavored one. I just can’t.”
Minhyuk clears his throat because when will Kihyun do his job already?
“Oh, right, sorry Minhyuk, so, this is-”
“Minhyuk, nice to meet you. Lee Minhyuk. I just, you know, died and all.”
Hoseok gives his hand and Minhyuk takes it, the handshake firm, but he didn’t expect anything different. The biceps are
nuts.
“I’m Lee Hoseok and apparently, I have died as well. Before you did. But not long ago.”
“Still embracing the afterlife?”
“Slowly getting used to it. I’m still getting scared whenever Shownu just pops up in my house. We’re gym buddies, though. Helps me with reps.”
“I think I will never get used to it, honestly.”
“I see you have already clicked. That’s what soulmates are for, I suppose.”
Kihyun, who decided to not keep his silent mode on anymore just barges in the conversation and Minhyuk feels like hitting him on the head with his info folder. And he would, if this folder wasn’t holding his entire existence. He can’t afford losing all his huge score progress. Hell doesn’t sound fun.
“Did you just say...soulmates?”
Hoseok manages to talk before Kihyun does, cutting him when he had opened his mouth to talk. Minhyuk loves this guy already.
“Yeah, soulmates exist in Heaven. According to our stats, I’m the perfect person for you, and you for me.”
Minhyuk can’t understand how Hoseok can say this without his face becoming fifty shades of red but his does, so he decides to use Kihyun for the greater good.
“Is that-”
“It’s true, Minhyuk, yes. This person, Lee Hoseok, is designated for you by the Good Place. You will never find a person more fitting for you, anywhere. You see, Hoseok here is very accomplished. Wanna tell him Hoseok?”
Even though bold statements don’t seem to scary the buff guy, flattery apparently does, because when the word “accomplished” slips out of Kihyun’s mouth, Hoseok’s face turns as rosy as it possibly can.
“Well...it’s not much, but...I am a professor. Was. Philosophy. Sounds boring, but it’s not, I swear. I had my classes but I wrote books as well. Tried to teach people about ethics. And, since I’m here, I guess…”
“It worked.”
Hoseok smiles shyly and nods slightly, his eyes smiling along with his lips, his whole face shining. Minhyuk may not give a flying fuck about philosophers, but he knows that if Hoseok wanted to blabber for hours having this face on, he would listen to every ethical bullshit that came out of this godly man for hours.
“It worked indeed, Hoseok, that’s why you have a place here.”
Kihyun shoots a satisfied grin and with a swift motion he checks his watch, eyes widening when they see the time. He readjusts his tie and blazer, wiping some imaginary dust off of the cashmere.
“Now, since everything is settled, I have to go back. Gotta give another tour, people can’t stop dying. Today’s busy. I’ll be around. I’ll leave you to it.”
Minhyuk lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when the door slams closed, but he knows he can’t wait any longer. He chooses the best smile he has in his arsenal and puts it on, eyes on Hoseok, who is now checking out a plant in a small pot hanging from the ceiling.
“Hoseok, you’re my soulmate, right?”
Hoseok’s eyes are on Minhyuk now and he furrows his eyebrows, voice laced with wonder and curiosity.
“Right.”
“And you would never betray me, right?”
“Right.”
“And, for sure, you would never expose me, right?
Right?
”
“I would never.”
“And you like cucumbers, right?”
“They’re fine. But why-”
“Cucumber noodles. In the fridge. I
hate
cucumbers. Please eat them?”
Hoseok sighs and takes a seat on the pillow covered couch, hugging the largest one, patting the place next to him for Minhyuk to sit. He seems determined.
“Look, Minhyuk, I...I always knew there would be something like this for me in the world. A soulmate. A person like you. Now that I know that I can’t find anyone like you, ever, I would never hurt you, or expose you. I teach morals, remember? I happen to have some as well.”
He smiles warmly, his buff frame magically shrinking behind the fluffy pillow.
“That’s...that’s reassuring. Because, I have a secret to share with you.”
Hoseok nods, ready to hear anything and Minhyuk’s mouth runs before his brain processes the sentence fully, in perfect Lee Minhyuk fashion.
“I am not supposed to be in the Good Place.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“So, you're saying, that you're not supposed to be here.“
Hoseok is pacing right and left for the umpteenth time and it's starting to drive Minhyuk mad. He can't complain though. He kind of caused it.
“I don't know, Hoseok. These are not my memories. I can't remember a single thing.“
Hoseok stops moving and stares at Minhyuk with eyes laced with frustration, and he feels guilty. This isn't what someone should be feeling in Heaven, right?
“Minhyuk please, try to remember. Try. Did you really not save these turtles?“
He points at the bonsai screen where the small baby turtles are happily slithering towards the sea, his eyes filled with some glint of hope.
It rings zero bells. The only turtles that he remembers seeing, are the ones in a documentary that played through a really painful dental session. And when the damned dentist was threatening to drill him into oblivion, he didn't really give a flying heck about the turtles being lured away from the sea, if he were to be honest.
“I...didn't. Nope. Never.“
Hoseok sighs, eyebrows furrowing.
“And...you're completely sure you're not a vegetarian? I mean, this place is supposed to give you what you want, and it gave you zucchini. Too many.“
“Do I look like a person who would eat zucchini for his every meal in Heaven?“
“...No.“
“That's because I'm not. Hoseok, I once borrowed money from a friend saying that I needed them for bills and took the next bus to McDonalds.“
“Enough.“
“Ordered the fifty nuggets box, a Twix McFlurry and a large coke, ate it in the dark, at my home.“
“Enough, Min-“
“I didn't pay for the electricity bill to eat pseudo-chicken, Hoseok.“
Hoseok grabs the controller from Minhyuk's hands and turns off the screen, the tree coming back on the painting, adding another plant in this greenhouse bohemic bundle of a cottage. His fingers tangle in his hair in thought, messing the black locks, strands of hair flying in all the possible directions. Minhyuk would laugh and joke about it if Hoseok's sighs weren't this intense.
“Tell me, Minhyuk.“
Minhyuk cuddles the cow skin pillow closer to his chest, murmuring against it.
“Mhm.“
Hoseok turns to look at him with a serious gaze and the pillow flies on the couch, Minhyuk sitting up and looking straight back into his eyes.
“Can you please, please tell me, what have you done on Earth that was, remotely even, good?“
Remotely? This is close to an insult. Or it would be, if Minhyuk was able to come up with one thing that would be considered objectively good by anyone, ever.
He did take up a shift for a coworker once, but he may have done it to steal some time with his other one, Jooheon. And he may have fucked him in his office, leaving the poor man's piles of work unattended.
And, he did sign up to financially support a little boy in Senegal through ActionAid, but only because he just wanted to get rid of the 0.72 cents in his debit card, only once.
There's silence in the room and as it keeps going, Hoseok's eyebrows keep furrowing. Impossibly so.
“Come on, Minhyuk. It can't be. Anything neutral? Anything?“
Neutral, huh? He has done many neutral things. He lived in neutrality.
“I helped some old hags once?“
Hoseok's judging gaze is piercing through his skull.
“Ladies, ladies. Some old ladies.“
“Go on. What did you do?“
“I sold them power balance bracelets, our newest collection, the pink holo one, in a good price. The boss was shook, I'm telling you. They bought 20, and gave them to their neighbors. The whole block was wearing them, it was nuts.“
“You understand that you just fooled someone's precious grandma into buying ugly, placebo wristbands, right? Way more expensive than they should be, right? Right?“
“Hey, I was the best seller in our company, Hoseok. Isn't being great in your job good? Or at least, neutral?“
“Not in this job, Minhyuk!“
There's a knock on the door and Minhyuk rushes to open without even checking, because any other second in this conversation will drive him crazy. There are two people standing behind it, and Minhyuk has a small idea about who these people are.
“Hello, welcome to the neighborhood. I'm Chae Hyungwon, your neighbor, I live in the castle next door. Kinda hard to miss, right?“
There's a man next to Hyungwon nodding in a “hello“ kind of way and Minhyuk's smile couldn't be faker. He walks aside and lets them in, now noticing the big gift basket the tall, lanky man is holding.
“Oh, Hoseok is here as well. Thought that you'd be here. I brought you high quality beef ramen in this, you will love them.“
The man walks around as if he owns the place, going in the kitchen and placing the basket on the counter island in the middle, returning with a small, welcoming smile.
“I gotta say, even though I would never be able to live in here, the decorating style is marvellous. Kihyun did a great job, as always, I see. It's teeny and adorable, isn't it, Changkyunnie?“
The smaller man nods, smiling when Hyungwon almost hits his head on a hanging aloe vera pot.
“Oh, I forgot to mention. This is Im Changkyun, my soulmate. He was kind of raised in a strict family, so he is silent, sometimes. He is really nice, though. Tries to mingle, isn't used to my style of living. I was the son of Starship's owner, you see.“
Minhyuk's eyes become wide as saucers.
“Wait, wait, you are THE Chae? That died a week ago? I saw you in the news, they never showed your face though.“
Hyungwon nods, sitting on an armchair with one leg on the other, leaning back, sighing.
“I never did. Didn't want to be in the spotlight, you see. Too much hassle, and too pretentious. Doing good things for the society just for the fame isn't exactly my cup of tea. Well, wasn't.“
“How did you die, exactly? They never mentioned.“
Hoseok talks after all this time, sitting against Hyungwon on a small, wooden, bean chair, and Hyungwon shrugs.
“Kihyun never told me. I don't remember.“
Minhyuk smirks.
“They do that only for the embarrassing deaths.“
“No. And for the scarring ones.“
Changkyun talks for the first time and the deeper than the Mariana Trench voice may have gone right on Minhyuk's lower zone.
“How do you k-“
Hoseok's fervent head shaking makes Minhyuk shut up. Hyungwon stands up, fixing his tuxedo blazer, and takes Changkyun by the hand, Minhyuk noticing that his knuckles turn a bit white from the intensity he does it.
“We will leave now, I have prepared gift baskets for all the new neighbors. I like their little smiles when they see the goodies.“
Hyungwon winks and pulls a skipping Changkyun towards the door.
“See you, Minhyuk, Hoseok. We live next door, after all. You can come over whenever you want, have a sesh in our gym. Hoseok, you know it.“
When the door closes behind them, Minhyuk's groan is almost deafening.
“Show off much?“
Hoseok falls back on the bean chair, chest rising and falling as he sighs in relief. Or not, because his soulmate, the cause of his in-heaven anxiety is standing right in front of him, rambling about things he can't seem to care about right now.
“He is not a show off, Minhyuk. It's just his lifestyle. It's different.“
“Lifestyle my ass.
Come in my enormous castle, respected neighbors, we have forty five gyms and a weed greenhouse.
“
“They actually have a greenhouse.“
“Of course they do. Ugh. Why do I have to live in a giant cow aloe vera pot and he has that huge ass tower? Hell would be better. I bet I can see 2Pac down there. And Kurt Cobain.“
Hoseok sits up in frustration.
“Shownu.“
The buff database pops out of thin air as usual, Minhyuk jumping in surprise, also as usual.
“Hello, what would you want this time? Another round of sit-up counting?“
Hoseok's cheeks flush a little red, smiling and shaking his head.
“No, not this time. Could you play me a small clip? Of what's happening in Hell right now?“
Shownu flashes a small smile back, a hologram screen coming out of his palm, sound out of his ears.
There's deafening screaming and too much red around, all kinds of people running towards all kinds of different directions, looking behind in horror, something about a dinosaur spitting blue fire being yelled from a woman.
Hoseok raises his hand for Shownu to stop and he does, this time a knowing, apologetic smile on his face.
“This is Hell, Minhyuk. This is where Kurt Cobain lives. Probably getting stabbed by twenty thousand hedgehog spikes right now.“
Shownu interrupts their conversation and talks in a laidback, matter-of-fact tone, like announcing that Kylie Jenner just gave birth to a beautiful, small and already too rich baby.
“Kurt Cobain is actually being strangled by guitar chord snakes, right now. I can play a clip if you w-“
“No. No, no. Thank you, Shownu, no.“
Shownu bows and keeps smiling, just standing there, waiting to be needed again.
“You don't want to be in Hell, Minhyuk. You shouldn't be here, either. I don't know what happened to you, but you should figure this out.“
He stands up and releases Shownu of his duties, sending him back where all the database guys hang, walking to be in front of Minhyuk, concern in his eyes.
“I don't know what you're going to do, but don't say that Hell is for you. It probably isn't, you're here for some reason. You can't be awful and be in Heaven. Everything here is perfect, there can't be such a huge mistake.“
Minhyuk nods, even though he knows that probably 1.5 act of his was actually purely good. He just knows. But he can't just admit it, can he?
“I'll be going now, have to catch the farmer's market. I like organic products, and they have nice protein bars. Don't like bothering Shownu all the time. He's busy learning about the universe and all.“
He smiles widely to his own joke, patting Minhyuk on the shoulder.
“Goodbye, Minhyukkie. See you tomorrow.“
He leaves and Minhyuk grins as he watches his behind his back, the house feeling too empty when he steps out and walks away. He messes his hair with his fingers, the gel making them too sticky, and that's when he notices that he's still in his white suit. He wonders if his clothes are what he would like to wear, but they're probably not. He thinks of purple tank tops and brown men bell-bottoms and he suddenly feels like home in this god-approved tux.
He goes in the kitchen and checks the gift basket, all kinds of snacks and two or three bottles of beer in it, all surrounded by blue wrapping paper and red decorative confetti. He scoffs, opening the Hot Cheeto bag, not hesitating to stain his white sleeves with red dust, and when he eats the third handful, a mischievous smirk settles on his lips. What's his version of Heaven without little pranks?
The next morning, he opens his eyes when he hears rumbling coming out from his living room, but he doesn’t really move. Thieves in Heaven? It sounds more like an indie rock song rather than his afterlife reality. He stands up, his jaw hurting from a loud yawn. He can’t even enjoy a good night’s sleep. The Good Place is overrated.
The thudding turns out to be just loud knocking from his door and he stumbles on a small, magazine stand that somehow is right in front of his way. He should have probably opened his blinds first. He manages to go to the door and when it’s open, Hoseok just barges in stomping on the hardwood, probably making the house shake.
“What the heckling, Minhyuk, what did you do?”
“Heckling?”
“Don’t do that now.”
“It was a weird thing to tell me when I just woke up, just saying.”
Hoseok rubs his face in frustration (it seems to be his signature move since the day before) and stomps his foot on the ground, his brown man sandal making a sharp, smacking sound that makes Minhyuk cringe.
“Sandals? Really? Did you want to match my house that badly?”
“Ha, ha, funny. Did you perhaps open your blinds? To see what is going on?”
“Hoseok, you woke me up. The only thing I did was fall on my WWF magazines and hear you yelling stupid wannabe swear words in your boho flip flops. And man, please. Go change. Bell-bottoms? Tank top? This is screaming more “gay and horny for the environment” than I can handle this early in the morning.”
Hoseok barely fits in a pair of bell-bottom jeans and a short, dark green tank top, everything fitting just enough to cover the right parts up. These pants seem to be straining around his thighs, though. Minhyuk thinks that maybe he wants to take the pants’ place for a day. Or for all his life.
“Please, please, open the blinds. Or go out. You’ll see.”
Minhyuk rolls his eyes and walks out of the door barefoot, Hoseok right behind him, the sandals click-clacking on the floor. He regrets it instantly.
He was about to step on big bushes of roses, their thorns just in front of his threshold and all over the neighborhood, stray pink and red roses among them, the street filled.
“What the…”
He looks in the front, his neighbors out of the house as well, their houses clad in the said roses as well, a Maleficent like setting he didn’t think he would ever experience out of the small, barely fitting seventy people cinema next to his place. He thinks that it can’t get worse, until he looks at the people better.
They are all dressed like Hoseok, tank tops and bell-bottoms, sandals to match the outfit. He looks behind and he sees Hoseok looking at him with knowing eyes, and he averts his gaze, lips parting in shock.
“Hoseok, what’s going on?”
“I don’t know, you tell me. What did you do?”
“I didn’t…”
“Minhyuk, this is Heaven. There are no mistakes. You’re coming, and this happens. Tell me what did you do.”
Minhyuk may be saying that he doesn’t know, but hell yeah he does. The Cheeto dust on his clothes yesterday gave him a great idea for revenge. Well, not exactly revenge, just a chance to be bad. He needed it. He was good for half a day. It would be fine.
He may have or may have not thrown the red dust from his snack all over Hyungwon’s white maltese dog, the poor puppy turning completely orange and glassy eyed, running and barking in the vast garden. And, he may have or may have not taken his pliers from his home garden kit and gave Hyungwon’s roses a little trim. Just a little.
“Okay, okay. I get it. Yes. Yes, all these are here because of me.”
“Can’t you see that you’re something like a...glitch? Ugh, I hate saying this, I really do, Minhyuk, but my mind says that if this was a normal day at Heaven we would be drinking relaxation smoothies at the Cloud Square. And this is not happening.”
Minhyuk is having this weird feeling that resembles guilt emerging once again and he is sure that he doesn’t miss it. He grabs Hoseok from the hand on a whim and pulls him into the house, the semi glass door closing shut behind them.
“Shownu.”
“Hello, what do you want today? I should inform you that I do not have gardening skills. I do know a lot about them, though. I can give you books. It may help you.”
“I don’t need...you know what? Maybe. Leave a book.”
Shownu just makes a Gardening For Dummies book appear out of pure nowhere and places it on the coffee table. Useful little guy. Maybe not little, but useful nonetheless.
“Anything else?”
Minhyuk looks at him, still wearing his Unicef printed pajama and then at Hoseok, who wears this abomination of an outfit.
“Excuse me, Shownu. This is kind of an incognito situation, right?”
Shownu nods.
“So nobody can see what you say and give to me, right?”
Shownu nods again. “Not even Yoo Kihyun.”
“I don’t really care about him.”
“My data say that you may do.”
“Anyways.”
Minhyuk clears his throat and keeps going, determined and sure.
“I want clothes. Like Hoseok’s. Like everyone else’s outside.”
His clothes pop up out of thin air and he swears that he is starting to get used to this. Now he only screams internally.
“Thank you, Shownu, you’re the best. Bye!”
Hoseok, who was behind Minhyuk all this time, takes a good look at the offending garments, his so called frustration coming back, distinctive on every cell of his face.
“What? I want to be like anyone else. Do you want Kihyun to find out about it?”
Hoseok sighs and shakes his head, patting Minhyuk on the shoulder once again. He repeats to himself that he isn’t in true Heaven yet, but he’s going there. Tagging along is going to get him in. He hopes. This is great charity work.
Once Minhyuk is successfully in the clothes, everything fitting baggy and bulky on his slender body, they head out, trying not to tangle their legs in the thorn forest on their street, something that admittedly, is harder than it seems, especially when the bell-bottoms are getting stuck on every little thorn on their way. They walk some more and they can feel something that makes their nose tingle suddenly coming their way, gushing loudly along with the wind.
“Please, puh-lease, tell me this isn’t what I think it is. Please.”
Hoseok stares at Minhyuk rumbling and wets one finger, lifting it up in the wild air dust, extending his finger for Minhyuk to taste it. He does. Hot Cheeto dust. It is, in fact, what he thought it was. Hoseok is still staring at him, waiting for some kind of explanation, but he has none. It is what it is.
“It is what it is.”
“And what is it?”
“Cheeto dust.”
“Cheeto dust. Why.”
“Because.”
“Minhyuk.”
“It is what it is. Keep walking if you don’t want your lungs to turn into giant Hot Cheetos.”
He starts walking, but Hoseok stays still. When he doesn’t hear his sandals on the ground anymore, he turns.
“You coming or not? Come on, Hoseok, we gotta escape this. It’s starting to hurt my eyes.”
“I can’t do this. You shouldn’t either.”
Minhyuk turns around facing him, eyebrows furrowing.
“Can’t do what? Do you prefer staying here, in the middle of this mess? Fine. Be my guest. I don’t want to turn into a prickly, Cheeto Statue.”
“No, no, Minhyuk. You can’t do this. Escaping what you have caused. You should try to fix it.”
Minhyuk can’t get it. How is he supposed to fix something when he doesn’t even understand why it is happening in the first place? He shouldn’t be put here, but this is not his fault, is it? It’s Kihyun’s mistake. Or Satan’s. Or God’s. Whoever is in charge, majorly fucked up, and he can’t pay for their mistakes like this.
“How am I supposed to fix another person’s, if it’s a person we’re talking about, mistake? I was just put here by accident. A huge ass accident. I am who I am, I won’t change just because I’m in Heaven.”
“Maybe you should. Maybe you should learn your lesson. Maybe...maybe it’s a test. For Kihyun or whoever is doing this to see if you’re made to be in Heaven. In the Good Place. Think about it.”
Well, that doesn’t sound wrong. This can be a test. Minhyuk had heard of divine judgement when he was on earth. Maybe this is the judgement people were talking about. Apart from the point system, which he ruled, even though it wasn’t entirely his. In the system, he ruled.
“And how am I going to do this? I can’t just start doing good things out of nowhere. I can’t just trim all these roses into oblivion. I can’t stop the dust.”
Hoseok walks closer, in thought. The hot, tingly air is the only thing they can hear for a while, before Hoseok springs up with an admittedly weird exclamation.
“Ah! I know!”
“You know?”
“I know, Minhyuk!”
“You know.”
“I do!”
Hoseok is widely grinning like a big, buff marshmallow and Minhyuk can’t help to do so as well, because, his soulmate's emotions are contagious. Too contagious.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Hoseok, you should tell me. We can’t read minds in Heaven.”
“Big bummer, if you ask me.”
“I know right? It would help a lot. Maybe I should talk to Kihyun about it.”
“You should. I’ll come too.”
“Mhm.”
Hoseok shakes his head palms clasping both Minhyuk’s shoulders, his eyes burning holes on his face.
“This is not the point now, Minhyukkie! I know what you should do to become good! What am I?”
Minhyuk keeps getting more and more baffled as this conversation goes on.
“A person? A dead person?”
“True. What else?”
“A...muscle head? A ramen addict? A big softie?”
Hoseok rolls his eyes, but his grin returns.
“What did I do on earth?”
“You were studying ethic-”
And he gets it. His mouth and his eyes open wide, as he finally gets it, Hoseok nodding knowingly. This is a spotless plan. It will work.
“You know morals better than anybody. You are here because you were doing it too well.”
“Exactly. Minhyuk, I-”
“You can teach me ethics!”
“I can teach you ethic- wait what?”
“What?”
“I was going to say that I would just give you books and let you study.”
“Do you think I will touch them without you over my head telling me to touch them?”
Hoseok shakes his head fervently without a second thought, in zero point five seconds.
“Exactly.”
“I’m...I will teach you. I will. Okay. But, on one condition. You’ll do exactly as I say, and do all your homework.”
“Homework? In Heaven? Hoseok…”
“Homework.”
Minhyuk sighs and extends his hand, eyes determined. Hoseok shares the gaze when he grabs it.
“Deal?”
“Deal."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
When Minhyuk agreed to the lessons, he didn’t think his entire living room would be up for redecorating. Well, he didn’t mind. He hates it, after all. “Out of all the things you could have asked Shownu to bring you, you asked for a blackboard?” Hoseok is just walking around Minhyuk’s living room, asking Shownu for things that would make it more student friendly; books, pens, notebooks and a large chalk blackboard in the middle of it, just in front of the couch. Minhyuk just plops down, buried in the pillows, and he takes a book from a stack, shuffling through its pages, reading. “Tweet others the way you want to be tweeted. Are you sure you are good in your major, Hoseok?” Hoseok turns around with a sigh, taking the book out of Minhyuk’s hands. “Minhyuk, if I’m right, you asked for a cellphone in Heaven, right?” “Mhm. Of course. I can’t live without a phone. I’m not an animal.” “And why’s that?” Minhyuk scoffs.
“Sorry, but, can you live without Tom Holland’s tweets? Because I can’t. I’m dead , I know, but still. Also, Lin Manuel Miranda is wilding these days down there, I need to check up on that living legend.” Hoseok musters a deeper sigh than before, placing the book on the coffee table, right in front of Minhyuk. “And that’s the reason why, this book is just for you. Read the title, Minhyuk.” Minhyuk doesn’t even take it in his hands, but his eyes fall on the red and blue title on the cover; You Are What You Tweet: Harness the Power of Twitter to Create a Happier, Healthier Life. Hm. Inspirational. Hoseok towers above him, with a knowing smile on his face. “Yes. I know. Shockingly relatable, right?” Minhyuk looks up, face scrunched, lips a tight line. “Hoseok.” “Yes?” “I,” he takes the book in his hands, smacking the cover lightly, “won’t read it. I won’t even try to read it. Fuck, I won’t even try to want to read it.” “B-but...but why? Minhyuk, you promised. Homework!” “I thought I would just write a one page essay on why giving people gift baskets is right and using them to bother their dog wrong, not read a one million page book about the Twitter Ghandi!” “Do you really need a whole page to explain why painting your neighbor’s dog orange is bad?” Minhyuk springs out of the couch groaning, skipping towards the kitchen, and returning with the largest mug of coffee he could find, sitting on his previous spot on the couch, a clipboard in hand. “Okay. I’m ready. I’ll listen to everything you have to say. Hit me.” Hoseok, who followed all this determination building act in silence walks towards his black board, clearing his throat and taking a small chalk piece in hand, starting to write names and terms on the board. Minhyuk’s eyes catch up, but his brain, maybe not that much. “Who’s….Kant? Stuart Mill? Hoseok, hello? Basics? Please?” Hoseok stops his vigorous chalk-screeching-against-the-board writing to turn around, scowling. “These are the basics, Minhyuk. Deontology, Utilitarianism, Aristotle’s Virtue Ethics. These are the full on basics. Please, please, be patient for a single second. I’ll explain.” He ignores Minhyuk’s groaning and keeps going, until the full board is a mess of underlined names, theories and small arrows, the words good, bad, moral, immoral being used all too many times. Hoseok takes a deep breath and turns to Minhyuk, who is currently picking out the dirt from his nails, being entirely focused on this really interesting task. He clears his throat again, but it doesn’t work. “All these philosophers, as you may have noticed, talked about what’s wrong and right, moral and immoral, good and bad. I’m sure, though,” he glares at Minhyuk who is blowing a small peck of dirt off his thumb and raises his voice just a bit, “that even though they weren’t agreeing on some issues, they would totally agree that not giving a heckling about your teacher who is spending his precious time trying to save your ass from getting pierced by demonic forks is bad. Too bad, Minhyuk.” Minhyuk raises his head nonchalantly with a small “ah” escaping his lips, his eyes widening when he notices what was written on the board when he wasn’t looking. “Oh, I see you went hard there.” “And you should go hard as well, if you don’t want Satan to whoop your ass.” “Are you sure you want me hard, Hoseok? Is that moral according to,” he squints to read a name, a smirk on his lips, “Kent? Uhm, Kant? Kent is Superman.” He swears that Hoseok’s eye roll makes his pupils disappear. He has that effect on people. “Focus. Please. For the record, no philosopher would want you to have a boner mid-lesson, either. So. Please. No.” Hoseok shakes his head and throws the Minhyuk Boner Images out of his mind in an attempt to start over. “As I said, these people speculated about what’s the accurate theory about wrong and right. Mill, for example, as a classical utilitarian, said that all your acts should be considered good, only if they bring you joy, or are beneficial for your well being. If they maximize your suffering, they are bad. Other people su- how can you possibly have a question on this.” Minhyuk raises his hand like a school boy and Hoseok lets him talk. “This is nice, but...dusting my Cheetos on Hyungwon’s maltese brought me extreme joy. Too much joy. Then, according to this Mill culinarian man-” “Utilitarian.” “Yeah, according to that, the Hot Cheeto Dog was a good act.” “Minhyuk. Doing that brought all this Cheeto wind whoosh all over Heaven. Didn’t you suffer? Didn’t it, like, get in your eye or something?” “It actually got in my mouth. I was walking with my mouth open, eating Cheetos off the wind. Good times.” Hoseok’s hand moves patiently on another name on the board, starting over. Once again. “Okay. Listen to this then. Mr. Immanuel Kant here believed that no matter the consequences, your actions are right or wrong in themselves. Like, we shouldn’t lie, right? Then we won’t. Because it’s wrong. Since there’s a moral for the act, you don’t care about the consequences.” “Then...you’re saying...that... that I should tell Kihyun about this whole “I didn’t save any alpacas in Peru, I thought that an alpaca was a sweater brand” thing that is going on and just go to Hell because it’s bad that I’m keeping it from him?” Hoseok shrugs. “I...guess.” “Then that Kant is a huge, titanic, headass Cunt. He should rewrite his name.” Hoseok lets his chalk fall on the floor, his white from its powder hands coming to rub his face in frustration. He starts his pacing ceremony all over again, walking back and forth anxiously and white as a scared ghost, Minhyuk getting dizzy when he follows him with his eyes for too long. “Now what? Won’t we talk about the Greeks? They’re the important ones, right? That Aristoguy?” “How can you not even know, or heard of Aristotle before? Didn’t you live on Earth? Like us? Did you come directly from Hell?” “That was rude.” Hoseok comes and plops on the couch next to Minhyuk, his head in his palms, elbows on his knees, in desperation. “No. No, Minhyuk, that’s not what’s rude. You’re rude, not giving a chance to all the things I’m saying. Calling my favorite philosopher a...cunt!” “Well, his name is practically calling him a cunt.” Hoseok’s pleading eyes make Minhyuk shut up and seal his lips immediately, averting his eyes. His voice is small. “I just...I haven’t studied like that before, okay? I never wanted to pay attention in class. And...the whole thing scares me. It scares me so much. I don’t wanna end up...like Kurt. Like that yelling lady in the video.” Hoseok turns, not talking, thinking. His mouth opens and closes a couple of times, before he actually talks. “I...don’t know if I can do this. I am here, because I did something good, and I am supposed to enjoy everything, right? Everyone went sailing today. Everyone. Even Mr. Kim! With the wheelchair! He was sailing like Jack and Rose up there!” He smiles as he remembers Mr. Kim on the front of a small ship, opening his arms, the salt laced air hitting his wrinkly face, a wide smile on his lips. He stands up, starting to gather his books, too many for his mailman bag. “I think...I’ll go sailing. For some days.” “But sailing only happens today.” Minhyuk turns on the couch when Hoseok starts walking towards the door. “Just...leave me alone for some days, okay? I’ll come back to you.” He smiles but his eyes don’t, closing the door behind him, the huge blackboard with his letters on and his half finished bagel the only things of him in the house. Minhyuk keeps them. He puts the cheese filled bagel in the fridge and reads the board again and again, trying to understand everything. He asks Shownu for books, reading through until he falls asleep on his bed, desk, kilim carpeted floor. He writes over Hoseok’s letters. I will work for my place on Heaven, turn from a cunt to Kant. He smiles to himself, because, that was a really good pun, but this man should have been bored of it. He probably will be in Hell. Almost everyone from these years went to Hell, according to Kihyun. He asked.
It’s funny how he hasn’t gotten a good night’s sleep, without getting woken up from his own doorbell even once. Hoseok was always early. He walks to the door yawning, expecting to find his buff soulmate behind it, in his dumb muscle tee, protein smoothie in hand. (He would get protein smoothies in the morning, even when he could buy weird, unique ones. The muscle head nature follows him even in Heaven.) Instead, he finds Changkyun. His black bangs parted and gel-stuck in place, his long cross earring hanging shiny from his ear, his outfit too stylish for a too-early-in-the-buttfucking-morning one. He smiles, tilting his head. “Can I...come in? I know it’s early.” Minhyuk steps aside with a yawn and a nod and the boy walks in, his eyes immediately falling on the blackboard. It’s too late when Minhyuk notices where the boy has been staring at. He runs and turns it, its side where Minhyuk had been trying to make a fanart of Spiderman only by chalk and failing now in the front. “These were...I like studying. A lot. For...forests. Tropical ones.” “Aristotle had nothing to do with tropical forests.” “And how do you know? Supposedly, Greeks were masters of everything.” Changkyun turns to look at Minhyuk with sincere eyes, piercing right through his poor defence. Paper thin defence. Dumb fuck defence. “Are you really supposed to be here, Minhyuk?” Minhyuk can feel his sweat turning cold against his skin. “What do you...mean? Of course-” “Come on, be true. It’s rude to be telling lies, right? That dude on your board said that.” “When did you manage to read that fast?” “I’ve just read many multichaptered fanfics in my life.” “Look, I don- what?” “What.” “Did you say…” “I did.” “Wait.” Changkyun’s straight line of lips rises up into a smirk. “Do you belong here, Minhyuk?” Minhyuk gulps twenty times before his voice comes out, broken. “I, uh, ugh.” “That’s not a human answer. Come on, Chewbacca would be more coherent.” “I am not, okay? I am not supposed to be here. I have no idea how the fuck you know this but-” “Two things.” “Excuse me?” Changkyun starts counting, his finger up, showing the number one. “I was on my way here some days ago, Hyungwon told me to come and ask why you aren’t sailing with him, he had already prepared a cabin on his ship for you.” Minhyuk rolls his eyes and scoffs, but Changkyun continues.
“I came here just when Hoseok-hyung was practically running away from your house, chanting please don’t end up in Hell, Minhyukkie, please don’t end up in Hell like some weird curse or whatever. I didn’t come in, by the way, that was way too creepy.” He raises another finger, two. “And now, this board is all about right and wrong, and there’s that huge ass work for my place in Heaven motivational pep talk in the middle of it, so...two plus two is four.” “Minus one that’s three, quick maths.” Minhyuk should really stop running his mouth like this. “See, from this thing only I can say you’re not supposed to be here.” Minhyuk nods to that. That’s not a thing that should be said in Heaven. That should stay infinite miles away from it. Big Shaq should be a taboo. Changkyun leans against Minhyuk’s wall of accomplishments, his trophies and memos from all his faux-charity and volunteer work hanging neatly and proudly, and that shit eating smirk returns on full force. “I have one more thing to say as well.” Minhyuk shrugs. What can he possibly say anymore? He has already figured out everything. Now, he will surely end up in Hell, like the first person to be put by mistake in Heav- “I’m not supposed to be here either.” Minhyuk’s screaming is longer than his shocked pause.
Changkyun sits down on Minhyuk’s eggplant purple pouf chair and explains everything. How he was a too weeb for his own good young adult. How he used to play all kinds of video games (especially Black Desert Online, he especially loves this one) both on PlayStation and his custom built computer, watch every series and anime that came out every single month. How he used to go off on random chat rooms in otaku forums for hours long about why Sakura wasn’t, in fact, useless throughout Naruto. How he decided to go out of his house to meet his internet friends for the first time, getting drunk in the karaoke room singing anime openings all night and ending up killed in an alley for 80$ and a metro ticket when he went to piss, because all the bathroom stools were full and he couldn’t hold it in. Minhyuk is this silent for the first time in his whole life, listening, not even nodding, just letting the boy talk until he doesn’t have anything else to explain. Only then he speaks, voice quiet because he kept it unused for so long. “And. What did Kihyun tell you? About...your accomplishments here.” “He told me that my death was kind of embarrassing, but I asked and learned. He told me something about being really nice with my parents, even though they had their whims.” Minhyuk remembers Hyungwon being protective about Changkyun and his parent issue. He must not know about this. “And that when they died, I decided to take care of other people’s parents as well, helping at nursing homes all over my neighborhood. Dude, I didn’t even have old folks in my neighborhood. I lived in a dorm.” “Wait, you were…” “Yeap, on the last year of university. I was a senior when all this happened. I would have taken my physics degree, if that bastard waited for me to pee and give him my money. He had to stab me as I was pissing, man. I died w-” “With your dick out. Yeah. Same.” Changkyun can’t help but crack up into laughter and so does Minhyuk, breaking the tension as they giggle in unison. Never in his life would he think of this, being a misplaced dead man, bonding over dick slip deaths with an equally misplaced nerd. Life’s weird, but afterlife’s weirder. “We have more stuff in common than we thought.” “We actually lived that Harambe meme. You know, with the dicks out.” Minhyuk cringes and Changkyun holds back another giggle. But it seems like he wants to say something, and Minhyuk sees right through him. “Spill.” “Say...why did Hoseok-hyung leave like that? Did you fight?” The memory returns lively in Minhyuk’s mind and the smile that was plastered on his face for all this time fades away, a pout taking its place. He didn’t want him to leave. “We...kind of, yes. We fought. He was trying to make me good, by teaching me all his inspirational stuff. You know, about ethics.” He points at the chalkboard with his chin, and he remembers all the essays he tried to write on the topics. They must have been shit. Hoseok wouldn’t be able to read a single sentence out of them. “And why did he stop? He’s kind of horny for ethics, isn’t he? They give him brain boners or something.” Minhyuk chuckles, because, how can Changkyun be in his mind? Hoseok claims that philosophy and boners are a no go, but, he isn’t the only person thinking about these two combined. “Yeah, but they don’t give me that.” “What do you mean?” “I...couldn’t pay attention. He got mad, and left. He didn’t even eat his cheese bagel.” “Did you eat it? The Good Plates sell such good bagels, I swear.” “I-I didn’t, surprisingly. I have it in the fridge. Why do you always ask dumb questions? Now you made me crave one.” His stomach growls. He realises that he hasn’t had breakfast, and it’s even late for lunch. Hoseok would always bring him something to eat when he came. “I have some, at home. Hyungwon brought some for you for the sailing but-” As if in a cartoon, a light bulb appears in Minhyuk’s mind. “That’s it! Sailing! He wanted to go sailing!” “What?” Minhyuk jumps from his seat and runs to his bedroom, returning with his puppy slippers on and a bunch of papers in hand, a wide, gummy smile on his face. “Stay here, okay? Or leave, I don’t know. I’ll go.” He springs out before Changkyun can manage to answer, only to run back in, already heaving. “Forgot to ask. Where is the lake? I don’t remember.” “Just go straight and right, I think. Next to that juicy vegetable store.” “Got it.” And he runs out again, following the directions, yelling Shownu halfway to the lake, still sprinting, barely breathing. He asks for a boat and an Edgar Allan Poe book, Shownu offering to make them pop right then and there, but he sends him to the lake. He gotta go somewhere else first. He finds Hoseok’s place easily. Too easily. It’s right next to the gym. He knocks, his heart thumping in his chest. Hoseok opens the door, bedhead on, towel around his shoulders, shirtless. His breath hitches three times more. But he isn’t here for this. “Hey.” “Hey, Minhyuk.” He steps out, closing the door behind him, not caring if others will see him in this marble like state. Minhyuk kind of cares. Lowkey. “I think I told you to kind of leave me alone for some days. Just for some days. I would come to you.” Minhyuk can’t hide his frown, but he’s determined. He extends his hands with the paper stack in, Hoseok taking them and furrowing his eyebrows in wonder. “What are these?” “Essays. On Mill, Kant and other stuff I told Shownu to bring me books about. I tried to study. I even read the Twitter book.” Hoseok goes through the messy scribbles quickly, the corners of his mouth rising just a little. Minhyuk notices. His do as well. “Was it any good?” “I try not to make shady posts anymore. That’s a start.” Hoseok lets out a breathy chuckle, piling the essays together neatly. He nods. “I still want a break, though. I’m not sure I’m ready for this…” “That’s...that’s okay. But, I have something else for you as well.” He takes his hand before he can protest and runs with him, until he’s panting again, Hoseok not even spilling a drop of sweat. They stop when they’re close to the lake shore, a small, rosegold painted boat flailing in the lake water, two paddles on its sides and the book placed in the bottom of the boat, along with two cheese bagels. There’s a note on them. Because you were craving them, it says, and Minhyuk knows he has to run to Hyungwon’s after this. Hoseok just stares around in awe, the afternoon sun making everything glow, leaving its yellow trail on the dark lake water, leading towards them. Minhyuk doesn’t leave his hand until they get in the boat, Hoseok managing to hold him from falling right in the lake before even stepping on the boat wood. “What’s...what’s all this?” Hoseok sits and his hands brush on the paddles, grabbing the book right after, a warm smile on his face. “You didn’t manage to go sailing. And...I kind of remember you like poetry. That’s the only thing I’ve heard about poetry, so...I tried.” “You don’t know Aristotle but you know Edgar Allan Poe?” “I would know none if I didn’t have a kind of hipster boyfriend three years ago. He was all about that Isadore chick.” “To Isadore. It’s a poem of his, Minhyuk.” “Whatever.” Hoseok laughs his heart out, eyes sparkling when he grabs the paddles strongly, rowing deeper in the lake and farther from the shore. He stops when they’re almost in the middle, rubbing his arms, realising that he’s still, in fact, shirtless. “You should have waited for me to wear a shirt!” Minhyuk takes a good look of him, well, his pecs, and he shakes his head, unwrapping a bagel. “Nope. Nuh-uh. That’s fine.” He gives that one to Hoseok, who eyerolls but smiles nonetheless, and he unwraps another one for him, both digging in immediately. Both their stomachs growl, but they take care of it. “You know...I am sorry. For barging out like that. I even...scared poor Changkyun. He ran back to his house. “ Minhyuk will have to inform him about the Changkyun incident at some point. But not now. “I am sorry as well. I was a major ass.” “You were, to be honest.” “Hey!” Minhyuk hits him playfully on his arm but he decides not to do it, ever again , at least on a boat. It jerks in the water and his bagel falls on the wood, but two seconds pass before he lifts it up again. Five second rule. Applies everywhere. Even on Heaven. “Anyways… I’m sorry. It’s fine if you don’t want to continue the lessons. I’ll figure this out myself.” Hoseok stays quiet for a while, looking at the sky all around them, but his eyes return on Minhyuk’s shortly after, honest and gentle. “I want to do it again. In your own way. Maybe mine too. We’ll figure this out. It’s Heaven, after all. There’s a solution for everything.” “Not for your old bagel. It has gone off until now. I didn’t throw it away.” Hoseok dumbly stares at him for a while before he shoots him with an amused grin, lifting his current bagel up and clinking it with Minhyuk’s. And as they munch on their fresh, almost eaten bagels, Minhyuk feels a new wave of hope hitting him again. Maybe there’s a solution for him as well. That’s the Good Place, after all, and today, he did something good.