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What if I kissed you right there? Would you tremble inside, or just call it a night?
The moment felt right. On her front porch, a deck that has seen so many of Jane’s relationships grow, some prospering and others wilting. Jane knows she wants to kiss Petra. She’s done lying to herself, hoping it’ll pass and they’ll be able to go back to the comfortable friendship they’ve always cherished. Jane’s heart is aching for it, at last, overpowering her sensible brain. The hand on Petra’s hip is burning, begging her to pull Petra closer. To taste every emotion that’s built up in the past eight years. Her control is fragmented but Petra’s soft plea is enough to make her pause.“Jane,” Petra whispers, the word barely audible. “I-I can’t.”Jane doesn’t move back but remains standing in front of her, body seemingly swaying in the breeze. Her eyes though, they’re gazing longingly at the face of a woman who has managed to surprise her time and time again, flickering between her perfect lips and those luminous eyes. Lips she’d been seconds away from tasting.“Why?” Jane asks because she doesn’t understand the regret in Petra’s eyes. “Why can’t we, Petra?”“I don’t want to be some experiment,” Petra rasps. “A distraction because you were lonely and I’m…” Her voice disappears in the sad flourish of her hand.“Bi,” Jane finishes for her. Petra turns her face away, eyes trained on the glowing light in the empty house. It’s just them. The house is Jane’s now. Abuela moved in with Jorge a year ago. Mateo and the girls are currently glamping with her Dad and Michaelina. Or Mika, the nickname Michael jokingly came up with that stuck.Petra looked so pretty standing in front of her, the street lights providing the perfect backdrop for her arresting smile. Hair haphazardly falling around her as she laughed a goodbye to Jane, still giggling at the ridiculous movie Jane coerced her into watching. Jane hadn’t been able to let her go, shocking both of them by pulling Petra closer.“I don’t want to resent you, Jane.” Petra says now, “So please--don’t.”“Right,” Jane forces herself to step back, out of the sphere of Petra’s subtle perfume, letting go of the slender hips that had felt right under her hands. Chewing the inside of her cheek, she tries her best to act like her heart hasn’t been stomped to pieces, because of course, Petra would never take any of her advances seriously. To her she’s frumpy Jane, the tired mom with too much baggage to even garner a second date from most men. And women because contrary to what Petra thinks, the past two years without Michael or Rafael haven’t been spent on her couch. Besides, Petra’s dated a Jane for god sake, a beautiful, arguably more accomplished Jane that she could never measure up to. Even if it had been a year since the dissolution of that relationship, it made sense, Jane would never compare. It explained why Petra always wanted to keep the distinction between JR and Jane. Never mixing. Because Petra could never like Jane that way.“Good night, Petra.” Jane blinks away the thin sheen of tears that would betray her quicker than the unsteadiness in her voice. She doesn’t go inside yet, she’ll have plenty of time to pace the empty house later. Instead, she sits in the dark corner of the porch, closes her eyes, and pushes off. Focusing on the back and forth motion of the swing instead of the friendship she probably ruined by wanting more.A floorboard creaks and Jane can picture her walking away. Straightening her spine, adjusting her purse in the crook of her elbow, before clicking down the path to her car. Never to return. The deck creaks again, a strong hand pulls her off the set.Petra kisses her, swallowing the shocked gasp that escapes her. There’s no dramatic lean in which is on par with Petra. Everything Petra does is with gusto. She throws herself off the deep end regardless of whether she can swim. Her lips are soft and determined, hands tangling frantically in Jane's hair, bunching in her shirt. Jane kisses her back, electrified from head to toe. Her hands find Petra’s waist again, Jane silently curses the dress Petra is wearing, her fingers seeking the warmth of Petra’s bare skin.Jane finds herself with her back against the door, wanting to open it, to fall in with Petra the last couple of steps to her bedroom. To discover if Petra's face is as expressive in the darkness of Jane's bedroom as it is out of it, but it’s a bad idea. She knows Petra agrees when she breaks away, forehead pressing roughly against Jane’s. “Jane,” Petra whispers again, braced above her on the door. “it’s not a distraction, is it? It’s not a joke.” Her shadowed face is stunned, looking down at her like she’s a wondrous discovery. The culmination of years of back and forth, with neither of them knowing exactly why a single misstep was enough to upset a balance that wasn’t so tentative with others.“What?” The underlying tension finally pushing past the expectations the two women established has left her foggy minded. But she still has enough of her wits with her to know what Petra is asking. “No! I would never do that. Not to you.” To anyone really, not after Adam.“I thought…” Petra’s eyes close, a muscle ticking in her jaw, thinking back to some memory Jane isn’t privy to. Before she shakes her head, shifting her intense focus back to Jane. “Never mind.”Still, she knows Petra, her need for emotions to be verbalized, intentions crystallized between them. “I like you Petra.” She’s not going to leave anything up to chance, or any room for doubt. “I might even love you.” Jane smiles shakily. “It’s not a joke or a game, or because you think I’m lonely. You mean too much to me for it to just be a fling.” She promises fiercely.“I might love you back.” Petra breathes, the words aren’t pulled or commanded out of her. They flow freely, both hopeful and scared.“Yeah?” Jane’s heart starts beating at a dangerous pace, she reminds herself to Google if thirty is too young for a heart attack.Yeah.” Petra gently brushes away a stray tear that escaped without Jane’s permission before leaning down to kiss her again.“Goodnight Jane. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”“Goodnight, Petra.” Pressed up against the door, Jane closes her eyes and listens to Petra’s unsteady steps as they depart in tune to her rapidly beating heart.