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Silence filled the room as Johnny stared at Jaehyun, phone dangling loosely by his side. “He’s dead Jae...the bastard is actually dead,” he whispered, though his voice was like a scream in a library. The flickering of the TV cast an odd light across his face as he zoned out, the focus in his eyes disappearing as his mind reeled through 28 years of bullshit. Jaehyun took a long drink from his beer to avoid laughing at the irony. He scoffed under his breath as he shook his head and looked away, setting his bottle on the table. “About damn time. That asshole didn’t deserve to live this long, not for what he did to you,” he replied, standing from his seat on the floor. He closed the distance between them and jerked the phone out of Johnny’s hand. The line had already cut off. The entire phone call lasted less than two minutes and ended without so much as a goodbye. Not that Jaehyun would have expected as much. Aside from the obligatory “Happy birthday” or “Merry Christmas” messages, Johnny never talked to his mother — or any else in his family. Their night had started like every other Friday night (a tradition they started in college) with ordering chicken, drinking beer, and playing video games when Johnny’s phone rang. It was not unusual that Johnny would get calls on the weekend. He was incredibly popular with almost everyone and had a wide circle of friends. There was nothing to not love about him – tall and gorgeous, well built with sharp eyes and broad shoulders. Funny, outgoing, kind — the life of the party, the social butterfly that people just naturally flocked to. Everyone loved him — and so did Jaehyun. But the first and third Friday of every month was their designated ‘date night,’ as they liked to joke. No matter their schedule, work, classes, or whatever was going on. Fridays were their day to hang out — wine and coffee mates. However, unlike other times before, the incessant ringing didn’t stop until Johnny looked at his phone and his entire face paled. It wasn’t his typical late-night date or hook-up. Instead, when he turned his phone to Jaehyun, the name on the screen read “Sperm Donor’s Wife” — the one Johnny had assigned for his mother. Not once in the last eight years had she bothered to call, or even return Johnny’s messages. He stopped trying a few years back. The last time she spoke to Johnny was just after his father beat the shit out of him when he learned Johnny was gay.Jaehyun had been there for that incident. Rather, he could still hear the screaming and fighting echoing from next door. It had been Christmas break, and they had both gone home for the holidays. Together they took the long road trip from their university in Portland to the small town just outside of Chicago where they had grown up together.They first met when Jaehyun had moved from Seoul to the house next to the Seo family, barely older than five at the time. Immediately he took a liking to the older boy who had lived there. Johnny was the only other child close to his age in their neighborhood, though he was two years older and half a foot taller. Yet where Jaehyun’s family was warm and welcoming, Johnny’s had ever been inhospitable and unapproachable. His mother never left the house, never greeted them when Jaehyun’s parents pulled into their adjacent drive. And as for Johnny’s dad...well, it didn’t take long for Jaehyun to realize that Johnny’s family was far from normal, even at such a young age.Many nights he had spent laying in bed, listening to the rantings of the enraged drunk man next door. Banging against the walls, shouting obscenities at whatever hour he deemed appropriate to come home, no doubt coated in the smell of liquor and smoke. Most of his wrath was taken out on his wife, but not always. Numerous times Johnny was dragged from his bed over something as small as getting a B on a test or leaving a toy outside in the living room. The mornings following, Johnny would always arrive at school with a fresh bruise on his cheek and a story of how he slipped down the stairs or ran into a doorknob. However, the unspoken truth was apparent to everyone. Jaehyun’s family took charge of themselves to care for the older boy as if he were their own. They invited him for dinner almost every night to make sure he had a hot, fresh meal. They allowed him to study Korean and practice piano or basketball with Jaehyun, giving him any chance to escape from the toxicity of his home, if only for just a few hours.So naturally, when Johnny’s father hounded him to explain why he had yet to bring a girl home, Johnny let it slip he had a boyfriend at the time and his father went ballistic. Jaehyun and his parents had just finished saying grace over their Christmas dinner when the shouting started. The sounds of glass shattering, something thrown through a window of the house next door. His mother warned him against going outside and getting involved, but Johnny had been his best friend for the past 15 years. When he wrenched open the front door, the sight of Johnny’s father pummeling down on him with all of his strength and the sound of blow after blow landing greeted Jaehyun. Bright, crimson blood trickled down the side of Johnny’s face, his long hair matted against his temple. His father’s hand twisted around the dark locks, forcing Johnny’s head up to look at him as he spat in his son’s face.He balled his fist again, slamming it against Johnny’s bruised cheek and he collapsed to the ground, coughing up blood onto the pristine white snow. His father’s foot connected with his side, air escaping his lungs with a choked sob. “Get the fuck out of my house, you disgusting piece of shit! I didn’t raise no ass-fucker in this house! Don’t you ever come back here, you hear me, faggot?!”The cruel words reverberated in Jaehyun’s ears as much as they did Johnny’s. His legs tried to move towards them, to intervene or help in any way, but his mother held him in place. Her vice-like grip prevented him from leaving the porch, but his father rushed forward to place himself between Johnny and the man beating him. “Enough Seo! He’s your son!”“He’s no fucking son of mine! I got nothing to do with that ungrateful piece of shit! I bet he got that way from always hanging out with that fucking bitch ass son of yours! Fucking queer little
sl-”The drunken man’s tirade cut off mid-sentence as a fist collided with the side of his jaw, knocking him to the ground. Disorientation danced across his face as glanced up and caught the dark gaze of the person looking down at him. Amid the chaos, no one had noticed Johnny drag himself to his feet the instant Jaehyun had been mentioned. Johnny stood over him, white-knuckled from the tight grip of his fist, blood from the fresh cut on his father’s face coating his fingers. “Fuck you, asshole. Jaehyun has nothing to do with this so don’t say shit about him. Don’t you worry, I’ll leave and you won’t ever see or hear from me again. You were never a father to me, and you disgust me. So don’t fucking worry, I won’t come back here.”Johnny shot a quick glance to his mother, who had rushed to his father’s side in an attempt to help him back up. He waited for her to say something….anything to either of them, yet no words were ever spoken. With a heavy sigh, Johnny shook his head before he turned and staggered towards Jaehyun’s porch, with Jaehyun quickly moving to support his weight when his legs threatened to give out from under him. Jaehyun’s mother followed behind, ushering them inside and tending to the cuts and bruises on Johnny’s face and hands. Outside, Jaehyun’s father stood as the sole barrier between his home and that of the Seo family. It wasn’t until he heard the door shut behind his family that he turned on his neighbor.“What the hell, Sehyun....you just disowned your own son, for being who he is and being honest with himself? What sort of man are you?”“Mind your own fucking business, Minseok. Acting so fucking high and mighty, like you did a better job of raising that little shit bastard better than I did. He’s a little cocksucker, just like your faggot son. They sure do make a pretty fucking pair, don’t they?”A bemused chortle echoed through Minseok’s throat as he nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets. “You know….it’s been 15 years now, I think it’s time for a change of scenery. Something a little cleaner and fresher, I hear Connecticut is pretty around this time of year. Might be time to look into selling this old place. We only stayed because Jaehyun begged us not to leave Johnny behind, but there isn’t much reason anymore now they’re grown and out. And yeah, they would make a pretty pair, if that’s what they both wanted, but...well...anyways, you may want to get inside before you draw more attention and tend to that bruise forming. At least Johnny learned how to land a decent blow from you. Goodnight, Sehyun. Merry Christmas."As Jaehyun’s father walked back inside, it was the last time Johnny — or anyone from Jaehyun’s family — saw his father.The following morning, the Jung family woke to a duffle bag outside of their porch, and a note attached from Johnny’s mother. A pathetic, half-assed apology for not being able to do more for her son. A few of Johnny’s personal belongings were inside, and a small amount of cash that she probably has concealed from her husband’s gambling addictions. They also found the windshield to Johnny’s car smashed to pieces and decorated with a few choice words along the side. Instead, Jaehyun’s father offered his old Chevy for the boys to return to Portland, as he had been looking to sell it anyways. A short round of goodbyes and a final glimpse at the shithole he once called home, Johnny climbed into the driver’s seat and they were gone, the house retreating in the rearview mirror as they drove away.That had been almost eight years ago, the winter before Johnny had graduated from college. Within the week, Jaehyun’s parents left the deteriorating suburban home in exchange for a larger one in western Connecticut, just down from the mountains. His family had continued to accept Johnny as he was, never questioning or pressuring him, as did Jaehyun. Together, they managed to overcome every obstacle placed in front of them, from failing college exams to the drama of their respective bullshit relationships. Johnny was his best friend, and Jaehyun knew he was Johnny’s.Even now, when Johnny’s pained gaze met his, the culmination of all those years of unending friendship lingered in his eyes.“Will you come with me? I — uh, it’s next weekend. I need to go...to-to make sure he’s gone,” Johnny forced out, swallowing heavily. Jaehyun could almost see Johnny’s mind racing...reeling. An array of emotions swelling and circling inside and all of them distracting Johnny from the impact of the news, the realization not having fully dawned on him yet. “I mean, I can’t really afford a flight so I’ll be driving….and it’s a long trip to make alone. It’d mean a lot to me if you were there. If you kept me company, you know? Help me stay sane on the way….if you want to, that is...” Johnny continued, his lisp becoming more prevalent as he spoke. There was no hesitation when Jaehyun smiled up at him, eyes forming beautiful crescents as he nodded. “Of course. We’ve always been there for each other, I wouldn’t let you go back there alone. Do you….do you want to keep hanging out tonight though? I know you’ve suddenly got a lot on your mind. I can go if you want t-” He brushed some of the loose strands of hair back from Johnny’s face, the touch lingering longer than it should have, though neither acknowledged it. “No, stay. I want you here,” Johnny blurted out, his hand desperately wrapping around Jaehyun’s narrow wrist. Jaehyun’s gaze dropped down to their hands, holding on to Johnny’s. Always Johnny’s support and anchor, but at the moment, the only stable thing in the room, a pillar of strength keeping him together. Compared to Johnny’s, his hand looked much smaller and softer but they also looked like they just fit. Like their hands belonged there. Johnny sucked in a shaky breath, before sighing. “Let’s...just...drink and hang out...I don’t want to be alone right now. Please. Just stay...”“Alright,” was all Jaehyun answered. He led Johnny back to the couch and plopped down, handing him another beer and opening one for himself. For the rest of the night, neither one of them said anything else. Not even when Johnny passed out with his head in Jaehyun’s lap, cheeks stained with streaks of dried tears he tried to hide. Instead, Jaehyun brushed his fingers through the thick head of hair, soothing and calm in his best effort to bring Johnny some level of peace. He could even forgive the trail of drool dripping from his mouth onto his leg, just to stay in this moment.During the week, they rarely saw each other as Jaehyun worked 9-5 at an office clinic while in med school, and Johnny worked overnights at the radio station. But as the days dragged on until they had to leave, Jaehyun noticed the stress of the impending trip starting to weigh down on Johnny. He had been easily annoyed and snapped at every little thing, including his boss at the radio station. Thankfully, Jaehyun had already let Johnny’s manager know about the situation and funeral so he was more lenient than usual.However, Thursday morning came, the sun was barely above the horizon when Jaehyun stepped off the bus in front of his apartment. Johnny was already waiting for him by the truck, throwing his bag in the back of the old Chevy.Jaehyun wondered if the old thing would even make it, now with significantly more miles and wear for show than had been when his father had given it to them. Jaehyun never cared for it so he let Johnny keep it for himself as Jaehyun preferred public transportation over the busted old pick-up. The style never suited him as much as it did Johnny, and Jaehyun hated admitting how fucking good Johnny looked driving it.“Hey...you made it,” Johnny said, a hint of surprise behind his deep voice. Unconsciously Johnny reached behind his head, scratching his neck as he quickly looked down at the bag in Jaehyun’s hand. He took the bag and tossed it into the back, landing next to his own and the stash of snacks that Johnny had piled up for the trip. “Uh….thank you again for this, Jae. I really can’t explain how much it means to me.”“It’s nothing, you would do the same for me. Besides, I was overdue for a vacation, and what better way to spend it than going on a road trip with my bestie? What highway are you planning on taking?” Jaehyun asked, pointing to the map Johnny had sprawled out across the rusted tailgate of the truck, noticing the line of dots and marks along the way. “84 down to 80, then over?”“Yeah,” Johnny traced the highway with his finger, tapping at the major cities along the way. “The most direct route keeps us on the main roads, so easy for pee breaks and shit. Figured we would stop in Salt Lake tonight, get a cheap motel and then continue from there.”“Not even a 2-star? Lovely, as always, Johnny. It amazes me how you’re still single,” Jaehyun nudged the older with his shoulder, grabbing the map and folding it haphazardly. The hinges creaked, straining from the force as Jaehyun swung the door open and slid over the worn leather into the passenger’s seats. He glanced into the rearview mirror, realizing Johnny was still standing by the bumper. “Come on, captain — let’s get going if you wanna make good time.”Johnny snapped his head up and nodded, closing the gate. He moved to the driver’s seat and hesitated over the door handle. “Hey,” Jaehyun said, leaning over to look through the open window. “Hey, John— I’m here. We got this.”With a sigh, Johnny closed his eyes and climbed into the seat, the door slamming shut behind him. Jaehyun reached out, letting his hand land on Johnny’s arm. Slowly, Johnny opened his eyes and glanced to the side to find Jaehyun staring with far too much intensity. Not out of judgment, only concern and compassion behind his gaze, a soft smile tugging at his cheeks.“You can do this, Johnny. It’s the last time you’ll ever see him and he can’t do anything to you anymore. Just a little more, okay? You can do this, I’m not letting you do it alone. Okay?” Jaehyun squeezed his arm, his thumb rubbing over the tattoos he knew Johnny got to hide the scars. He gave another small squeeze before turning to the radio. “Now, what kind of music do you get in this piece of shit car?”Most of the drive was simple, once Jaehyun discovered the radio no longer worked nor the air conditioning. Apparently, both had been broken for ages, with Johnny not bothering to repair them and suddenly, a road trip in the middle of the humid Portland summer was a horrible idea. The result? Jaehyun whining in the passenger seat, creating an increasingly frustrated driver behind the wheel. He had attempted to sing several songs himself, using a hairbrush as a microphone followed by a (not very) rousing game of I Spy, which Johnny was having none of.Five hours into their drive, Johnny threatened to throw his iPod out of the window. “Seriously, you’re no fun. This is why you’re single,” Jaehyun pouted, clutching his iPod protectively to his chest. It had been enough to stop him from singing the entire collection of Disney discography, from every major film and all of their appropriate sequels. Both the guys and the girl parts, which was surprisingly impressive given the vocal range needed to accomplish that. Outside, small hills and trees rolled by, the terrain and landscape all blending in a continuous blur of greens and browns. Farmhouses lined either side of the highway, expanses of space between them, and Jaehyun swore there were more cows than people in this area. “How much further do we have?”Johnny glanced down at the digital clock glued to the dashboard. The truck had clocked about 185,000 miles give or take. She was old, busted, and worn. Peeling paint and a struggling engine that often overheated but Johnny loved her just the same. “When we get to Boise we’ll take a break and get lunch, stretch our legs, and stuff. Besides, your singing is terrible and I need to destroy my ears with something sharp. And that’s not why I’m single, Jae. I am fun...tons of fun, you tell me all the time.” They passed a road sign as Johnny drove: Boise - 45 miles. Jaehyun was starving, his stomach growling for much-needed food and he could hardly imagine how (un)exciting Boise would be. His legs were desperate for space, and his ass was getting sore. A couple of hours back, they had made a brief pit stop at a small dingy gas station. One that far too much resembled the gas station in The Hills Have Eyes, complete with the creepy guy working behind the counter. Jaehyun didn’t linger long and purchased a new round of snacks, double-checking the tires and back seat before hopping back in. He shook the idea from his mind, not wanting to remember that particular place.“Alright so talk — why are you single then? Weren’t you dating someone, the big exchange student, from Hong Kong?” Jaehyun turned in his seat, tucking his leg under himself to face Johnny. He propped his arm against the headrest, watching Johnny run a nervous hand through his hair, exposing his forehead.“Uh yeah...we broke up a while back, in March. Wasn’t exactly working out, you know?”“Yeah, I was wondering why you stopped mentioning him. He didn’t seem your type anyway. God, he was always so obnoxiously loud when we hung out. Morning, night, all day, every day. Sounded like it was a good time while it lasted though,” he chuckled with an amused grin as Johnny shifted uncomfortably.Johnny, thankfully, didn’t know Jaehyun’s secret. On more than a few nights Jaehyun had made the honest mistake and swung by Johnny’s flat unannounced with cheap takeout in hand. On more than a few nights, he ended up catching Johnny going at it with his boyfriend. Worse — on more than a few nights...Jaehyun hated to admit he actually waited outside the apartment, listening to them, and ignoring how turned it on made him. He stood there, lurking, like a fucking sick pervert with the sounds of Johnny fucking into Xuxi, and wondered if it would ever be him. He would wait a few minutes until the thick moans and sounds of a worn-out bed creaking slowed and ended. The food would be left on the doorstep with a small note and a smiley face. He would text Johnny on the bus home, before jacking off in a cold shower, fingers buried in his ass and moaning Johnny’s name through the water. The number of times he did this almost disgusted him.Jaehyun didn’t know when it happened, but there was a point in which he realized he was truly in love with Johnny. For most of college, he never put much thought into it until one morning after a night of clubbing and waking up next to yet another random guy he picked up. As he laid there in bed looking at his nameless partner, Jaehyun wished more than anything it had been someone else. There was only one thing he thought about — one person actually — that he wanted to see and hold in the morning: Johnny. That had been almost a year ago, and he had yet to take the initiative to do anything about it. Oddly, the timing was never an opportune moment. Something always seemed to come between them, either one or both of them were in a relationship or fighting for a promotion. Other times struggling with their med labs and final exams, or lost a job….or now a parent.It was subtle, the way Johnny’s hold on the steering wheel shifted and he leaned to the side, propping his arm outside of the open window. “I...yeah, it was good, I guess? I mean, I found out that he was fucking some dancer at a club, so you know...wasn’t really an amicable breakup. Anyways, yeah, that’s that and I’ve been focusing more on the radio station since.”Silence filled the cabin of the truck, save for the sound of the wind filling the small space and the fresh air. ““I mean, who calls themselves Xuxi anyway? He probably tasted like rotten raw fish,” Jaehyun remarked, earning a boisterous laugh from Johnny. It was a warm sound, pleasing to Jaehyun’s ears and he honestly loved hearing it.“Well, he did like to eat a lot of meat and proteins. Part of his workout diet. Never could get him to eat more fruits. But what about you though? I’ve never met any of the guys you’ve dated. What was your last relationship?”This time it was Jaehyun’s turn to give a short sarcastic snort. Jaehyun remembered the boy too well, and the things he asked Jaehyun to do for him. His preferences for bedroom activities had been an adventurous stray from the norm but it didn’t bother Jaehyun too much. “Mine? Taeyong. He was a good fuck, but that’s about all he was good for. He had a lot of…unique interests, I suppose you could say. It was a mutual split though. He was more open than I was, and I didn’t want to be greedy so we agreed to end it. We hooked up a few times after but kept it strictly a 'Friends with Benefits' type thing.”Johnny let out an assertive hum as they passed another road sign, showing the exit was just a few more miles ahead. “We’ll take the next exit and get something to eat. What are you in the mood for?”Jaehyun thought for a moment, his finger tapping against his chin as he considered the options. Not that there were many choices in these backwater country roads. But as delicious as Fritos, Doritos, and beef jerky were, they were a far cry from actual, substantial nutritious food. However, they were driving through the midwest and there was one thing he knew the midwest was always good for.“Burgers.”