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It took far too long for Ryan to notice.At first he had just assumed that Shane wasn’t the touchy feely type. He couldn’t remember the last time they’d hugged and the more he thought about it, the more he realized that maybe they never had. Shane didn’t shake hands with people and even when he was too drunk to walk, he wouldn’t let anyone help him down the street. Ryan just assumed he didn’t like touching.When it first became evident that this was a problem, it had been a fairly normal day. Ryan and Shane were sitting at their desks, headphones on and quietly editing when suddenly Kristin and Devin were in both of their peripheries brandishing handhelds and smiling maniacally. Shane was the first to remove his headphones, grin slowly stretching across his face because if anyone knew anything about Shane, it was his love of shenanigans. When Ryan took off his headphones, Kristin and Devin launched into an explanation of the video they were filming, wearing nothing but velvet for a week. They twirled a little in their all-velvet outfits, asking for honest opinions from Ryan and Shane.“I love it,” Shane said with a chuckle. “You look like high fashion Christmas stockings.”Kristin pouted in her red dress but Devin just laughed. “You have to feel this fabric, though, it’s so soft.”That was their first mistake.To the naked eye, Shane still seemed fine, but Ryan noticed the way his body immediately tensed, the muscles around his eyes tightening to make his smile just a little forced. He laughed and shook his head, waving his hands in front of him.“I don’t-- I don’t need to do that. I think I know what velvet feels like.”Ryan tried not to seem too interested in this interaction as Devin insisted that Shane feel her sleeve because it was just luxurious.“I really don’t gotta, it’s fine,” Shane was still smiling, still chuckling, until Devin reached out and grabbed him around his wrist to try to drag his hand onto the fabric of her shirt. Immediately Shane’s face fell and he yanked his hand back like he’d been burned. Devin looked horrified and immediately began apologizing for having touched him without his consent and after a very awkward several-minute-long interaction, the two girls left.Without a word, Shane replaced his headphones on his head and turned back to his laptop, stoney-faced and silent.Ryan debated saying something, but it seemed like Shane needed a few minutes so Ryan nodded awkwardly and replaced his headphones as well, resolving to try and bring it up later.He never brought it up later.The second time Ryan noticed there might be something wrong, they were at a bar. It was a fairly normal Friday night for them. They would often find themselves in this very same situation, standing or sitting on barstools, deep in conversation, several beers in and comfortably buzzed.They were talking about something Unsolved-related, a new potential location or an issue that had arisen for an upcoming shoot, when someone squeezed themself directly behind Shane and placed a stabilizing hand on his shoulder. It was a split second interaction, just someone depositing empty glasses onto the bartop and then they were gone, but Ryan noticed that their conversation had halted completely and Shane’s back had gone rigid. He was staring ahead at nothing and when Ryan waved a hand in front of his line of sight, Shane snapped back and said he’d forgotten that he needed to do something and left.Ryan, too drunk to know whether or not he should go after Shane, just sat, confused and suddenly alone. A few silent minutes later, he paid his bar tab and went home.The third time was Ryan’s fault completely.They were at an Unsolved shoot and it was much scarier than Ryan had initially prepared himself for. The building was completely dilapidated, there seemed to be scratching and moaning noises coming from everywhere, and it felt like every light source couldn’t completely penetrate the haunting blackness in each room.Ryan really felt like he was at his wit’s end as they entered what used to be a nursery room. It was completely quiet for a few, comforting seconds before the very faint and distant sound of a a mechanical lullaby drifted into earshot. Immediately, he reached over to grab onto Shane’s arm out of utter, mind numbing fear and almost fell over when Shane ripped himself away and nearly tumbled backwards. Ryan snapped out of his fearful haze for a moment to look over at his co-host, who was staring at him in shock.“Shane, I’m s-” He began to say before Shane laughed, tight and fake, rolling his eyes at himself.“Man if this place is spooky enough that it made me jump, maybe we shouldn’t be here.” He said, though his voice sounded distant. Ryan was seconds away from asking the camera crew to go away so that he could talk to Shane in private when a rustling from the corner of the room ripped a shriek from him and it was already forgotten.Later, though, they sat in their shared hotel room and Ryan remembered this moment.They were both on their phones, scrolling aimlessly, when he glanced up to looked at Shane. He looked relaxed and free of worry as he double tapped something on Instagram and Ryan almost felt bad for bringing it up, but he could feel that this was a conversation that they needed to have.“So…” he said, slow and drawn out to give Shane enough time to break out of his internet haze. When Shane finally looked up, his eyes were sleepy and hooded and it made Ryan smile involuntarily. Shane always did that, just made him smile for no good reason.“About earlier,” he was hoping he wouldn’t have to explain what he was trying to talk about, because he was sure it would sound crazy as soon as he said it out loud. Shane, however, frowned and shook his head, as if saying he didn’t know what Ryan was referring to.“That moment… earlier. When I touched your arm.” He waved his hand in a circle to indicate that the rest could be left unsaid and Shane stared at him blankly before sighing and locking his phone, setting it down beside him.“What about it?” He asked and his words were toneless and his face was blank. Ryan blew out a breath and shrugged his shoulders.“You sorta… jumped. A lot. And the other week when that one guy touched your back at the bar and you just… left? And when Devin touched your wrist? What’s going on, man?”Shane reached up to scrub at his face, rubbing his palms into his eyes. With a groan, he let his hands fall to his lap and his head fall against the bed frame.“Oh.” He said, simply, and for a moment Ryan thought that was all he was going to get, and then Shane looked over at him and the stone-faced blankness had been replaced with a vulnerability that Ryan hadn’t seen on Shane in a very long time. It tore into Ryan and he could feel his heart palpitate at seeing this guy-- this person he respected and cared about so much-- suddenly looking so broken.“Um, I don’t know.” Shane said, finally, shrugging and lifting his hands into the air helplessly. “I just… have a hard time being touched. I guess after the break-up I wasn’t really talking to anyone or interacting with people for a while and then doing it at all got really overwhelming. I was able to get used to talking to people again, it’s just the touching… it’s still too much.”When Shane looked back at Ryan again, he was frowning like he had done something wrong and Ryan had the sudden urge to hug him, which he knew now wouldn’t help at all.“Jesus… I had no idea.”Shane shrugged again, going back to rub at his face. “It’s fine, no one knows. It’s not like I don’t want to be touched, it just feels like… I dunno… someone’s zapping me with electricity or something. It sucks.”Ryan hummed, looking down at his own hands.“What if… what if you had someone help you get used to it again? Like you have full control of the situation and someone just like… touched you and helped you not feel like you’re getting electrocuted all the time?”Shane was looking at him inquisitively, as if he had to really, really think about it, like it was a lot harder of a decision than it might seem.“Uh, yeah, I guess I could try that.” He said and his voice was distant again but his eyes widened and Ryan could have sworn that his cheeks and ears colored a little.“You wanna try right now?”Shane swallowed visibly and Ryan was certain that he’d stepped too far until Shane began nodding.Carefully, slowly, Ryan lifted off of his bed and made his way to Shane’s. He sat on the edge of the bed a few feet away, making sure they had a decent amount of distance between them. Already, Shane looked petrified but Ryan just smiled gently and lifted a hand with only his pointer finger held out.“It’s at your speed, man. Just say the word and we’ll stop.”Shane bit hard at his lip, staring at the tip of Ryan’s finger before he very, very slowly lifted his own hand and pressed the lightest touch to Ryan.A visible shudder ran through Shane’s entire body and Ryan could feel the strain of muscles trying so hard to force his finger to stay there. They sat, fingertip to fingertip, for several minutes until Shane’s quivering died down and he began to breathe evenly. Just as slowly as before, Shane began to unfurl his fingers and Ryan mirrored him. Inch by inch they pressed together their fingers, and then their palms, and all the while Shane was shaking. Ryan almost told him to slow down but there was a determination behind Shane’s eyes that he’d rarely seen so intense. When they were completely palm to palm, the blush across Shane’s cheeks and ears spread rapidly and a small smile pulled at his lips.“It’s… nice.” He said in a quiet breath. Ryan stared, not daring to say anything. He had to agree, this was probably one of the most intimate moments he’d had with someone in a very long time and he could feel heat build under his skin.In painstakingly slow movements, they rolled their hands to press together forearms, and then the other hand, the other forearm. Their fingers slid effortlessly together and before Ryan could realize what was happening, they were inches from one another. Both hearts pounding in their chests, almost audibly, and sweet pink blushes covering their faces. Shane was practically panting and Ryan would be lying if he said that it wasn’t kind of… doing something for him.“Is this… is this helping?” He said, finally speaking and his voice was quiet and raspy. Shane just nodded and Ryan didn’t miss how his eyes lowered to Ryan’s lips.“Can I try something else?” Shane asked and his voice sounded so fragile, so ready to break and Ryan smiled because something about this, something about the way they had been watching each other so carefully, so intentionally touching one another, seemed to make every wall between them crumble.“Yeah.” And Shane lean forward and kissed him.And it felt like fireworks to Ryan, he couldn’t even imagine how Shane was feeling.He could guess, though, based on how much the other man was shaking and the sound that dripped from his mouth like it was the best thing he’d ever tasted.With that, everything broke.Shane released Ryan’s fingers only to wrap his arms around his waist and pull him in close. They kissed long and hard and with feeling and it felt like something Ryan had never felt before, like it was his first time touching anyone. Shane was suddenly so hungry and Ryan was being devoured.They stayed there for a while, just kissing and holding, and eventually when they parted, panting and giggling like schoolboys, Shane leaned his head forward to rest it on Ryan’s collarbone.“Fuck,” he breathed. “Shoulda done this a long time ago.”Ryan just laughed, running a hand up and down Shane’s spine, feeling the way his muscles twitched at the touch.“And to think, this was only session one,” Ryan said, “we should probably keep doing this forever, just in case.”And Shane laughed and kissed him ravenously, and Ryan gave it all to him.