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when taeyong and ten started dating, it was no secret that they were complete opposites. but at the time, their affection for each other overcame all the obstacles that they thought were only temporary. they ignored all the doubts and risks. they disregarded everything that everyone said, like how they'll never last together or how it's a bad idea to be involved with each other. at the time they thought that they were just jealous, but later on they would realize that they weren't jealous; they were scared.the day that the unlikely couple confessed to each other was a damp and dark day. the air felt like it was supposed to be raining - downpouring, actually. but everything and everyone somehow knew that something was approaching. it was as if everything was holding its breath to see what was going to conspire. there were no birds chirping, no sun in the sky, and virtually no wind. to everyone, it seemed like a truly bad day. however, to taeyong, it was a beautiful day. he loved the darkness and the rain. he found the silence comforting and when the sun lit up the sky, he often thought that it was too bright.ten, on the other hand, thought that that particular day was the worst day that he had experienced in the year so far. but to be fair, it was still march, where the seasons were slowly transitioning from winter to spring. every day, the air was dry but the ground was wet. the only difference is that it was dark.but as people usually say, the light needs darkness for it to be considered light.for ten, the day was terrible - up until exactly 3:13pm. ten was reluctantly taking a walk in the disgusting weather. it wasn't that ten hated how dark it was - he hated how sad the weather made him feel. but all too soon, that walk would turn into something else.at that exact same time, taeyong was having the time of his life. he was taking a myriad of aesthetic pictures to post on his instagram account. honestly, he was a little high as well, but that wasn't the point. while ten was dreading everything, taeyong was having the most fun he had experienced in a while.ten had just left starbucks, having ordered an iced americano. he wasn't exactly paying attention to anyone around him, seeing as he desperately just wanted to get home. soon enough, someone caught his attention - taeyong, even though he didn't know him yet. he didn't even realize what was happening until he walked up to taeyong and told him that he's hot. and taeyong being taeyong (and high), responded by kissing ten right then and there. neither of them had ever met before then, so they didn't know anything about each other. after taeyong pulled away from his spontaneous kiss, ten pursed his lips and asked if he was smoking weed. taeyong smiled a little and then he said yes. from then on, they had an interesting relationship. every time they saw each other, they'd make out. there were also several instances where they got high together and during their high, they had sex. they were addicted to each other. this lasted for approximately one year. on their 'anniversary,' ten decided that he wanted to do something for taeyong - when he wasn't high. over the course of the twelve months, ten had unexpectedly developed romantic feelings for taeyong. the sex didn't mean anything to ten, but it was still nice to be that close to someone like that.on the anniversary, that day was nothing like the previous year. it was sunny and warm, waves of heat reflecting off of blacktop. ten had come to the conclusion that he wanted taeyong to be his boyfriend. and he was going to ask him today.taeyong didn't want the fun to stop. and if he had to date ten for that to happen, then he'd say yes in a heartbeat - and he did. however, as they started spending more time together as an actual couple instead of fuck buddies, he began to see the good in ten and he remembered the little things about him. he was slowly falling in love with the smaller boy. It took a long time for that to happen, but when it did, it was magical. this was something that neither of them had experienced before, and they were the happiest they had been in a year.at that point, they had gotten many comments on whether they should date or not and people were constantly warning them, saying that it was a bad idea. but the young couple were so in love that they ignored everything - even what their parents had to say. no one thought that it was a good idea for them to date. but they persevered.after graduating from college, they had decided that they would spend their lives together. taeyong graduated with a business degree and ten with a dancing one. they had moved quickly, having only dated for two years prior to being engaged.their love was truly magical. no one had even the slightest thought that they'd end up together - that they'd even meet in general. but there they were, a young couple starting off their life together.the first real step that the couple experienced was moving in together. they were madly in love and taeyong wanted the house to meet all of ten's needs, even if it was inconvenient for taeyong. because if ten loved it, taeyong had to get it for him. ten was taeyong's world, and taeyong was ten's. they were so infatuated with each other that they'd give up everything - and everyone.the first house that they looked at was a little cottage in the country. even though it was cute and homey, neither of them really liked it. the small house didn't meet any of their needs. after searching for months, ten finally found a house that met all of his standards. it had a space that could be turned into a dancing studio and a workout room. it had so much space that the couple could inhabit. while it didn't meet all of taeyong's, he decided that they'd buy it because it made his fiance happy.the thing about the large house that they bought was that it didn't have space for an office, so taeyong couldn't work there. however, ten helped him make the basement into the perfect working space - hardwood floors, big bookshelves, a desk, and many memories. they decided that they'd stay engaged for a little longer, since they wanted to take it slow.they ended up waiting months to tie the knot. but those months weren't painful; they were spent happily. the young couple went on many dates - they went to amusement parks, on picnics, and to ten's request, national parks and museums. as the days went on, they fell more and more into love with each other.finally on the wedding day, everything was perfect. nothing went wrong - even though some extra people did show up. nothing was missing and the newlyweds were on cloud nine. that night was the first night that they truly made love. they took the time to memorize each other's bodies. they got closer than they ever did before. somehow, the feeling of taeyong's body moving against ten felt completely right for the first time.the next few weeks were spent in complete bliss. they chose to go to bali for their honeymoon. they did everything they could together. when they returned from their vacation, the two came to terms with the fact that they had to grow up and start working. taeyong found a job working for a company that he believed he could get many promotions in. for the time being, he was focused on working his way to the top. he had 13 hour days and 65 hour weeks. it was as if he never stopped working.ten found himself working at a dance school, teaching younger kids that remind him of himself when he was a kid. he fell in love with his job - he felt like he was giving his students a talent that they'd never lose. along with teaching, he started posting his routines and dance covers on youtube and soon enough, he was one of the most popular dancers on the platform.while taeyong was fiercely proud of his husband, they started seeing each other less and less. however, when they both had extra time, they'd spend it with each other, going on dates like they used to before reality hit them.sometimes they felt like they were young again, but they always had to go back to work. no matter how hard they tried to outrun responsibilities, it always caught up in the end.eventually, taeyong was promoted - but in order to accept the promotion, he was going to have to work in a city 2 hours away. he debated if he should tell his lover or not, seeing as it would stress the other out even more than it was stressing taeyong out. he had to choose between his job and his life.he chose his job.
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taeyong tried explaining his plan to ten. he would come back home every day after work, no matter how late it was. then, he would spend the weekends with ten and he would never forget about him or cheat, because that was what ten was the most afraid of.but then again, that was just a plan.for the first few weeks, he stuck to it. he came home every day and stayed home on the weekends. one night when taeyong was on the 2 hour drive back, he fell asleep at the wheel. the past few days had been extremely stressful for him - he was always swamped with paperwork and he never got a break.because of that combined with the long drive home, he barely got any sleep. thus, he passed out because his body couldn't function on the little amount of sleep he had. the moment he slipped into sleep, his car swerved out of his lane and it collided with a large truck transporting farming equipment.taeyong was sent to the hospital straight away. because of his injuries, he was sent into a coma. the hospital staff looked through his phone and found that he was married to ten, so they called him and explained the situation.when ten received the news that taeyong was in a coma, he drove to the hospital as quickly as he could. as soon as he saw his husband's unconscious body, he broke. it all became too much.seeing your lover on a bed unconscious and with scratches and broken bones is not exactly the sight you wish to see. the whole time that taeyong was in his coma, ten stayed by his side. ten didn’t take care of himself at all and he went days without eating. he stopped working at the studio so that he could always be by his husband’s side. he never left him because he wanted to be there for taeyong when he woke up - if he woke up.it took four months.when taeyong opened his eyes for the first time in months, he only saw a plain white ceiling. moments after being awake, ten had made his way to hold taeyong’s hand. he was so surprised and happy that he started crying. while taeyong was looking at his crying lover, something hit him. the last thing he remembered was that he was driving home. after reassuring ten for a few minutes, his first clear words to taeyong were, “i love you.”after hearing those words, taeyong softly smiled and hugged the crying man. he quietly said it back and then he started asking what happened. ten told him everything that happened and this time it was taeyong who was crying. he began apologizing to ten, telling him that he never meant for this to happen. he never imagined that this would happen. but it did.ten sighed and squeezed taeyong’s hand. even though ten didn’t want to, he suggested for taeyong to get an apartment near his workplace so he didn’t always have to drive so far, but he refused. he didn’t want to leave his lover alone in the house they were supposed to share. but ten persisted, reminding taeyong of how he almost died. if it meant not seeing him every night, ten was willing to let taeyong stay in the city.taeyong started questioning why ten wanted him to move away. ten kept insisting that it was because of the accident, but taeyong didn’t believe it.it got to the point where ten valued taeyong’s safety over his own happiness. they argued for almost an hour until ten reached a conclusion in his mind of what he had to do to get taeyong to move away.he had to break his heart.and sadly, that’s exactly what he did. even though ten’s heart practically beat for taeyong, he had to make him move so that this didn’t happen again. he only cared for taeyong’s wellbeing. so after their long and painful argument, ten quietly and regretfully lied to his lover for the first time. he looked down and mumbled out the words along the line of “i don’t love you.”taeyong slowly looked over at the man beside his bed, his hands beginning to shake. he quietly asks him, “what did you just say?”ten raises his head to look at taeyong, their eyes meeting. ten fights the urge to cry while he repeats what he said, a little louder this time. his voice cracks and anxiety fills his stomach while he waits for taeyong’s response.but there isn’t one. taeyong just sits there, his mouth agape. ten decides that it hasn’t hit him yet, so he needs to make it more believable. he begins throwing insults at taeyong, telling him how he gets angry too easily and how he only cares about himself. after a deep breath, he also adds that taeyong makes it hard to love him. at that last remark, taeyong finally lets his devastation show. tears begin slipping down his cheeks and he shakily yells at ten to get out of his hospital room. when he doesn’t, he yells again.ten finally leaves the heartbroken man behind, returning to his house that he shared with taeyong. after stepping through the doorway into the house, he lets himself break down. he starts crying uncontrollably and throwing things. but at least he knows that taeyong’s safe.or is he?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
taeyong copes with the heartbreak by going to bars and hooking up with any man he can find. he tries to forget about ten, but whenever he closes his eyes, he sees ten’s face in his head. everything reminds him of his ex-lover and nothing will make him forget him. No matter how many drinks one-night stands he has, he always ends up thinking about ten.
that is, until he meets moon taeil.
the first time he sees taeil is in a bar. they had sat next to each other and something about him drew taeyong to him. he thought about ten for a moment but then reminded himself that ten said that he didn’t love him. even though taeyong was drunk, taeil was the only person that taeyong could focus on. he knew that he had seen him somewhere before, but he didn’t know where.
usually taeyong wasn’t nervous at all when he approached someone new, but that was not the case with taeil. taeil seemed out of taeyong’s league. it was like he didn’t belong in the dim-lit bar because he was too good for it. but nevertheless, taeyong still worked up the courage to talk to him. unlike the other men that he’s met at this exact bar, he didn’t want taeil to just be a one-night stand.
and when taeyong awkwardly moved next to taeil, they both looked at each other for what seemed like hours. it was obvious that taeil felt the same way about taeyong, but who knew if it was real - they were drunk. taeyong was the first to say something, and they sat at that bar for hours. they talked about meaningless things, like if chocolate milk was superior to strawberry milk or not. the two of them clicked in a way that taeyong had never experienced before. but both of the men had forgotten to ask for the other’s number, so they had no way of meeting again.
or so they thought.
while taeyong was cleaning his dishes in his apartment, he remembered where he had previously seen taeil. there was an ad on instagram for taeil - he was a model. taeyong spent hours trying to find it again and when he finally did, he let out a shriek of joy before pressing the follow button.
the next few days were spent in complete happiness. almost a minute after taeyong followed taeil, taeil followed him back. they immediately started dming and learning more about each other. and before taeyong knew it, he was falling for moon taeil.
he found that while he was talking to taeil, he was much more happier in general. he started looking forward to going to work so he could save up money to buy things for taeil. even though the model was practically rich and he had everything he wanted, taeyong wanted to give him heartfelt gifts. he also wanted to get home quicker to text taeil, but he wouldn’t let the model know that.
the two started dating after being friends for around three months. they had occasional meetups where they enjoyed coffee together, but they had never gone further than hugging. this was new for taeyong, as he was more accustomed to showing his love through sex rather than being romantic. taeil was showing taeyong a new side of himself and taeyong wasn’t complaining.
every day the couple spent together was amazing for both of them. they couldn’t get enough of each other. everything felt right and before they knew it, they had completely fallen in love with each other and taeyong rarely thought about ten. what he felt with taeil was something completely new and refreshing - he had never felt this way with ten.
but the day eventually came where taeyong and ten had to come face to face with each other again. taeyong found out that ten had never moved on from their relationship and had instead spiraled into a depressive phase of his life. by the time they had met up, though, ten was back at his job. but he wasn’t as happy as he was before.
this startled taeyong, seeing as ten was the one who broke up with him. he assumed that he had fallen for someone else, but apparently he was incorrect. taeyong wondered why he had said what he said, but he didn’t question the shorter man in fear of bringing back old memories.
the two spent the whole day together, reconnecting and healing old wounds. ten let it slip that he had adopted a little girl who went to his dance studio when her parents died in a train accident. the little girl’s name was heeyoung and she was around six years old.
the old friends exchanged their new phone numbers, but deep inside, they both knew that they wouldn’t be needing them. There was no reason for them to continue talking, even if ten still cared for taeyong. taeyong had moved on and there was nothing that ten could do about it.
a few years passed until one day when ten received a wedding invitation - it was one for taeyong and taeil. he knew that he couldn’t attend the wedding; it’d be disrespectful. so he threw the invitation away.
taeyong then tried sending ten letters, since he wouldn’t answer his phone. ten thoughtlessly threw away every one of them, not wanting to hear what taeyong had to say. he might’ve loved taeyong for years even after they broke up, but the bitter love turned into hatred for him. he deep down knew that he really only hated himself and that taeyong didn’t deserve this, but he didn’t know who else to take it out on. so he ignored taeyong.
he had assumed that taeyong was the happiest he had ever been with taeil. after all, they were married. he decided that he’d read the next letter he received from his old lover. it was mainly because he pitied the man, but it was also because his curiousness had overcome his hatred.
the next letter arrived the day after he made his decision. after reading it, ten hurriedly drove to the city where taeil and taeyong resided together. the letter’s contents begged ten to visit taeyong. It didn’t explain why or when, but ten’s conscious told him that he had to meet him again.
the first thing that ten saw when he entered their household was taeil. he asked him why taeyong wanted to see him, but he just shook his head in response. when he entered the living room, he was met with taeyong’s warm aura. his hair was light brown and ten was slightly startled when he saw the neutral color, since when they had been together, taeyong was always dying his hair vivid colors. taeyong also seemed a lot softer than the last time he had seen him - it was like he had mellowed out. there was not as much light in his eyes as
there was a few years ago. this was strange to ten, but he disregarded it, thinking it was only because he had fallen in love… for real this time.
after taeyong and ten had talked for around an hour, ten noticed that taeil had left the house and was replaced with a maid of some sort. during that whole hour, ten also noticed that taeyong was speaking slower than usual. he was a lot more calm and easy-going than before.
but then came the time to get down to business. taeyong told ten that he wanted to spend the week with him, doing the things that they used to do. minus the romantic part, of course. he knew that some part of him still partially cared for ten, but it was not in the same way it was years ago. ten nodded, but then he realized that he didn’t bring any clothes with him. taeyong told ten that taeil was leaving to beijing for a week or two because of modelling and that he could wear taeil’s clothes.and so they spent the week together, doing the old things they used to do. taeyong got tired a lot quicker than he did when he was younger and he moved a lot slower. it didn’t make sense to ten, since taeyong was only around twenty eight. but once again, he disregarded it and payed attention to making him happy.after the week was over, taeyong said his goodbyes to ten. but it was different this time; it was almost like he was saying goodbye for good. like they would never see each other again.a month passed and ten had not heard another word from taeyong. he was concerned, but he didn’t reach out because he didn’t want to intrude on the couple’s privacy. when he finally received another letter, he quickly tore it open, expecting it to be another invite to spend time with him. but as soon as he read the top of the letter, ten froze.it all made sense now. why taeyong was so slow, why he got tired quickly, why he seemed softer.
he was slowly dying all along.
a year or so after taeyong and taeil’s marriage, taeyong had been diagnosed with stage one brain cancer. eventually it turned into stage two, then stage three, and then stage four. it advanced too quickly to stop.
and so taeyong wanted to spend as much time as he could with those who meant a lot to him. and ten was on that list.
ten had started crying uncontrollably, his whole body shaking. heeyoung approached her father, trying to offer him a sense of comfort, which he gladly took. the two sat on the floor, crying for hours.
after ten had stopped crying, heeyoung told him that she had something for him. she went to her room and returned within moments with the wedding invitation he had gotten from taeyong. this small gesture made the small man break down again.
at his funeral, taeil handed ten a letter. he sadly said with a smile on his face, “he always did love sending you letters. cherish this one.”
ten nodded and opened it up when he returned to his house that he used to share with taeyong. when he was met with lines of dots, slashes, and dashes, he smiled and quietly said, “he also loved codes.”
the letter read,
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