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"What do you search for when you look at the stars?" A voice asks, part curious, part gentle.Jason glances sideways up at him but doesn't answer right away, it's Roy.
Standing awkwardly on the edge of the pavement behind him, like he's not sure whether to cross over into the wet grass and lay down beside him yet, the back of Jason's clothes cling to him from the spread of the damp.Jason takes a breath and thinks about it, he can afford to take his time with a question from Roy. And that makes it easier.Roy's been tiptoeing around him these days, it's uncharacteristic, and Jason knows he's actively been trying not to treat him like he's broken or like he's delicate. It's hard to keep up on an illusion like that when there's so much evidence to the contrary though. And Roy's always been observant.He turns his face back to the sky, the long uncut grass whips in his face a little as he does."Hope." Jason tells him. "Innocence. Absolution. A million things I'll never deserve."Roy waits then, barely disguised tension in his wry smile, still awkward and not sure whether to move to join him or to let him be alone with his thoughts for a while.Jason knows how much Roy thinks they can't afford for him to mess Jason up anymore than he already is right now.Jason also knows that it's a lost cause. He won't say that though, not when Roy's trying so hard.Because he's 'delicate' right now, but he's not really, he's just... a little lost.Jason has no idea where he'll go from here, what path to take, he hasn't been this directionless since Talia first told him about being replaced and unavenged, (symptoms of the real problem that he should have paid more attention to) back when he was fifteen and traumatised and alone.
When he first realised he could never go home again (not that he didn't try later anyway). He doesn't know if going somewhere won't just do more harm than good, again, maybe the answer to all his problems is simply staying paralysed by indecision in some place far away and off the grid.He decides to throw Roy a bone, with a quirk of a smile. "I guess I look for Kori sometimes as well." He's being honest. He tries to be, with Roy.He hears the warmth of laughter mixed with a sigh before the sound of clothes brushing grass as Roy moves forward and flomps himself down beside Jason companionably. "You and me both Buddy." Jason wants to cry a little for how grateful he feels that someone would sit next to him despite the wet grass, just because they care.He wants to tear his hair out because of how objectively pathetic and needy that is.It's soothing though, the mutual ache, they both miss Kori. It makes him feel less awful, that they're both aching, less like a derelict tenement and more like a person.It's selfish, leaving everything on Roy like this.But Roy won't let him leave on his own right now.
And Jason has no motivation or real thoughts to input on what they should do or where they should go from here (what with the paralysing executive dysfunction) at least not yet, he hasn't come to terms with.... anything. So he's not sure what else to do but be selfish for a little while.
Roy's insisting on staying with him till he gets himself back in some kind of repair. Jason doesn't know if he will though. That's a big part of the problem, he's directionless. And parts of him feel dead.Not dead like a joke about the past or like a corpse.... But it's like, it's like dead nerves.There are parts of his personality, his emotions that just aren't reacting to stimuli they normally would. It feels like all the other parts of him are trying to over compensate for it.They don't technically have to be on the run right now, they're out of the city and that was the only requirement, but that doesn't mean that they aren't hiding like someone's hunting them.He still hasn't bothered to ask Roy where they are yet. He still hasn't asked about if anything's been happening in Gotham or with his [family] with the [bats] with The Others. He hasn't asked him what's been happening with The Others in Gotham. Harper's still next to him, sitting upright but the damp has definitely settled into the back of his jeans by now, he looks a little rueful at the green stains but ultimately indifferent to it. It comes with the territory of having a trainwreck for a friend.The word friend curls unhappily inside Jason's head, because his other two friends are dead, and he hasn't gotten to grieve them yet and he can't go back there for any mementos from when they were together either. Because Roy is Dick's friend first, even if he'll always be here for Jason, and that thought makes something nervous and edgy writhe around in the pit of his stomach. Jason knows he'll always be number 2 to most people, but the fear of Dick calling Roy up and asking for Jason's location makes him feel like red ants are crawling over his skin. He doesn't bring it up.He looks at the stars and they make his heart break a little more."If a heart were made of glass, mine'd be like a spider-cracked windshield fresh out of a car crash." He says, for wont of anything better to say."Yeah?" Roy asks him a little too eagerly - it's been hard to get a read out on his mental state today. Even though Roy's asked him how he's feeling about a dozen times."Like.. You know when you land bad on a car and the windshield just splinters?" Roy nods."The whole thing's about to fall apart but the cracks are all so perfectly aligned that it's holding up. And you know a love tap would be enough to make the whole thing crash through onto the front seats and the dashboard. It's.. it's that, but instead of falling apart, every time it gets another love tap, the cracks just snap and ripple into another kind of broken. And that's me."He takes a breath. And blames how breathless he's still feeling after it on the cigarettes he hasn't had today and not the soliloquy he just spat out."That didn't make any sense did it?" he huffs."It made enough," Roy says kindly, he's always kind and Jason wants to hug him for it but his arm is in a sling and he doesn't deserve a hug from Roy anyway. "You feel like you're a broken windshield fresh out of a car crash right? That's a pretty fair assessment all things considering."Roy's hand comes into view, suddenly blocking the stars, but he doesn't flinch because it's Roy's hand and so obviously his.
Welts and scars in all the right places across his palm, unmistakeable archer's fingers long and strong. The hand brushes over his black eye and he winces under the tenderness.Roy still hasn't asked for the details of what happened, he hasn't asked what led to Jason shooting The Penguin in the head, or what led up to his dad Batman beating him or ripping the symbol [He's not a bat anymore, so what is he?] off his chest and dragging him by the neck to the outskirts of the city before summarily disowning and banishing him. He hasn't asked, like whatever the answers are they don't matter. And he's here. Jason feels a traitorous tear slide out of his swollen eye and slip onto Roy's hand."You're a good friend Roy." He says. Because it's true. And it's the only thing Jason's certain about in this world anymore."You'd do the same for me Jaybird." Roy replies.And Jason hopes to God that it's true, and that Roy's as certain as he sounds.