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https://www.deviantart.com/thescorpiondoctor/art/Backfire-764586730"Are you always this battle damaged?" A voice called off in the distance.Backfire swiveled her head slightly in the direction of the sound, her optics leaving the glow cast by her holopad for only a few seconds before she was back to staring at her screen. The lilac, peach, and orange femme did not want company."Yo! Missile launcher! Over here?!" The voice called out again.She continued to ignore him. After all, missile launcher wasn't her name. Plus, she had far more important matters to deal with than dealing with obnoxious mechs. They were all the same after all, with her being one of the few femmes assigned to their platoon. The fighting had been fierce, and she had gotten little rest in the recent weeks leading up to this night. It was a night she dreaded. There were plenty of those."Hey, I'm just trying to make some conversation. Whaddya say about taking a break for a bit, y'know, rest your eyes before the big day." the mech called out.Great. He was being persistent. He was also making a major miscalculation. She never could sleep the night before an attack. All they saw her as was an object, a weapon of mass destruction. She hated the carnage and the damage her alt mode wrought on others, but she had to do it. She had to sacrifice her soul one piece at a time in order to save the souls of the future. If there even were such things as souls. In truth, she was growing skeptical. For a moment it seemed like the mech was turning to leave. And then, she heard him coming closer. She could feel the metal floor of the shuttle vibrating slightly as he approached. Primus. Didn't he see the signs that she was busy and didn't need to be bothered? Backfire continued to scroll through the data, trying harder and harder to ignore the mech as he stepped even closer. Yes, it was a cramped ship. But that still didn't mean that bots should throw decency overboard and intentionally violate one another's personal space.There was a loud and obvious "CLUNK" sound as to her horror, the mech planted his aft right down on the bench next to her. It was an open room. He could have chosen to sit anywhere else. Wasn't there rumor of some cases of high grade being passed around in the lower decks? There were plenty of other seats in the room. Why did he have to pick here, of all places? Why did he have to pick her?"Alright. I get it. You're the silent type. I guess I'll do the talking for the both of us then." he said, smiling.Why was he smiling? This was a war. People were dying on all sides. What did he want?Backfire continued staring at her holopad, scrolling through the never ending walls of text that had long ago blurred into mush at the back of her processor as she recounted recent events."Why don't I start by introducing myself. The name's Longshot. And the guys all said it'd take a long shot to getcha to talk, pun intended, and so I figured I'd just step on over and say hello. You got a name, Miss Missile Launcher?" the mech said.She hated it when they called her that. She refused to acknowledge him while she was working. Was she even working any more? Or was she just distracting herself. Either way, she figured eventually he'd get bored and move on. They always did. Especially when she pretended that the screen was far more interesting than them. In fact, come tomorrow, that's probably all they'd be, words on a screen, tiny glyphs that melted down into the quagmire that flashed up at her optics almost every night."Alright. I guess you aren't going to tell me your name, are you? Hmm... okay... how about... What's that you're reading there?" Longshot asked, pointing to the never ending list that flashed on the screen of her holopad. He squinted, trying to make out the writing.Fine. If he was going to be this persistent, she figured she'd give him what he wanted. By that she meant that she'd hand him the holopad and have him read for himself the riveting text that was keeping her up all night."Huh... what's this? Some of these names look familiar...." Longshot said, delicately taking the holopad from her servos as she put her own servos in her lap and stared at the floor between her pedes. The mech squinted his optics again and tilted his helm. "This looks like a list of our crew members, in fact. I recognize quite a lot of them actually. Hey! There's a couple of my friends on here! Venture, Dreamscape, Cavalcade, and... Arsenal..."Longshot went gravely silent for a second. "Arsenal... he...he's dead..." he finally managed to say, before he slid the holopad back into her servos.Backfire nodded solemnly, her face still not changing its grimly concentrated expression. "They're all dead." she said softly, releasing her grip on the holopad as he handed it back, letting it fall to the floor."Even Venture and Cavalcade?" Longshot gasped. "I mean... I know Cav got a little roughed up in our last little excursion, but c'mon, the guy's too tough to let a few stray decepticons take him out. Just the other night we were laughing it out in the medibay. Surely I thought he'd pull through. Are you sure they didn't add him to the list as a joke?"
Backfire nodded, closing her optics and trying to hide the quiver in her lower jaw. "But Cavalcade! He's... he's...""He's gone." Backfire finished. "They're all gone."Longshot was silent for a long moment, before he pointed to a name on the list. "What about Venture?""Missing in action." Backfire said, turning away as she said it."So there's a chance he might...""No. No one ever comes back, Longshot." she snapped, standing up suddenly and turning to leave the room."You knew him, didn't you?" Longshot asked, placing a very unwanted hand on her shoulder.Backfire yanked herself free from his grasp and spun around to face him, looking him in the optics. "No. I didn't know him." she stated, almost feeling the urge to do what she was built for and fire a rocket in his face. Maybe that would shut him up."Hey! Hey! I'm sorry!" Longshot said, raising his servos in his defense."I didn't know any of them. And I regret every second I didn't spend knowing them. But nothing can change that because they are all dead." Backfire growled.Longshot shook his head, almost as if he pitied her. "What about the bots who still live?" he asked, trying to lighten the mood."They're going to die any day now. They're just statistics, names on a list that get forgotten as soon as they are added, only making room for more names. The cycle goes on and on, never ending, always repeating. It isn't worth it." she replied in almost a monotone, as if she had repeated this speech dozens of times in her head."Well aren't you just a bucket of sunshine! Primus! And I thought Ultra Magnus was a downer. But y'know what? Missile launcher whatever-your-name-is, you're wrong. It is worth it. It's worth every second you get to know someone, and every second that they're gone, well, it only gives you room to love the ones who still live. And y'know what else I think? I think you're worth it."
He paused, allowing his words to sink in before he continued, "...That's why I came down here, instead of drinking with the guys. Or well...what's left of the guys. I suppose it's awful lonely down there with Cavalcade and..and Venture off with the Allspark... Dustbuster's probably hoggin' all the high grade. But no. My point is, I just thought I'd say hello because it's even more lonely in here than it would be down there. And well... especially with the guys gone, I thought you might wanna come to the lower decks for a drink. But I'm guessing that's a 'no' because all you seem to wanna do is stare at a list of dead people all day.""Backfire." Backfire said, clenching her jaw, her servos shaking."What?""My name. It's Backfire." she said."Well isn't that great! And why should I care about your name when you certainly don't care about the names on that list of yours? Every single one of those bots lived and died without knowing you I'm pretty sure. And why do you stare at that list anyway? Do you actually enjoy staring at all the names of the people you avoided getting to know?" Longshot ranted, throwing his servos up in the air in exasperation."I mean, what do you even do around here but sit around waiting for someone to ask you to come blow stuff up? You are one bleak bot, I tell you." he added, indignantly crossing his arms."I wish it were me." she said, hanging her head in sorrow.At that, Longshot gazed at her, perplexed. It was only then that she started to notice the color on his plating, and how in the lights of the ship he was very much alive. Since she'd stopped staring at the holopad it had taken awhile for her optics to adjust and her processor to register the moving white, cobalt, and emerald green splotch moving about in her field of vision. She had learned to tune them all out for so long that they all just melted into a sea of color in her mind. It was best that she didn't remember them, the names, the faces. Because the more of them she cared about, the more she'd eventually lose."I wish it was my name on that list, not them. I was only built as a weapon. An object of mass destruction. But maybe they had a chance to create instead of destroy. Surely they were far more worthy to exist. I'm just a tool. You said it yourself. Missile launcher. That's all they call me. All I'm good for. Shooting things out of the sky. Destroying lives that could just as easily have been saved if it had not been for this primus forsaken war. That's why I do it. That's why I read the names. It's to remind myself every night that I am not worthy." Backfire said, her voice quivering slightly at the gravity of her words."I....I'm sorry." Longshot said, his face softening as he stepped closer and reached out, clasping her servos in his.Backfire looked away. She didn't want this. She didn't want to be seeing his face and how alive and full of hope he was. She didn't want him to exist, because he'd only be snatched away from her. And yet... as their fingers touched, she felt more alive than she had ever felt in ages. Warmth tingled between their servos as he held her hands. And at once, she was aware, aware of her surroundings. The small room in the ship they were in was painted in shades of silver and gold with little hints of color here and there. Her holopad lay on the floor, yellow edges and a blue screen bathing the dimly lit room with light. The dull glow of the ceiling lights shone above them. Outside the window, the stars shone as thousands of bright and brilliant shining lights. And for just that moment, the universe seemed to be at peace."Do you know of anything that makes life worth living for you?" Longshot asked, smiling weakly at her, more of a compassionate I-care-about-you smile than anything else.Backfire stood there as if frozen in time, taking in all of her surroundings for once in a very long time. She paused, looking around and then bringing her gaze back to his face, her optics locking on his. She spoke only one word as an answer to his question. "Hope."Longshot smiled even wider, his face cracking up in this goofy I-told-you-so grin. "See?" He said, grinning even wider. "Maybe there is hope for you after all, pun intended."Backfire clenched her jaw and shook her head. He could tell that she was trying not to smile."What is it that you hope for?" he asked softly, giving her fingers a gently squeeze and reminding her that their servos were still touching."A better future. A future in which sparklings can be born without the scourge of war. A future in which those equipped with weaponary alt modes will have a choice about how they use them. A future in which death only comes to the old and the weary who welcome it with open arms. A future where everyone is safe and content and at peace. And that is why I am still fighting." Backfire said, some of the tension she carried herself with just rolling down her back. The corners of her mouth twitched.Longshot just continued to grin that obnoxious dopey grin that in the short span of their conversation was quickly growing on her. She was almost glad that he had invaded her evening. Without him, it would just be business as usual, staring at a screen of meaningless names and waiting her turn to die."I suppose I'll see you around the ship?" Longshot said, releasing her hands and walking towards the door. "Maybe if you took the chance to get to know people there would at least be meaning to that list of yours. Well... I'm heading downstairs for a drink. My offer still stands, and you don't even have to join in the conversation."Was it worth it?What if she lost them just as soon as she met them all?Backfire stared at him intensely, her face fading back into its usual grim state of neutrality as she watched him go. She picked up her holopad from the floor as he closed the door behind him and found herself staring at the list of names once more. Except this time, there was one name that swam about in her head more than any of the others. That name wasn't on the list.Longshot.Her face felt strange as she thought of him, and before she knew it, she saw an eerie reflection on the screen of the holopad that was baring its dentas in what looked like halfway between a snarl and a smirk. She was...smiling? On his face it had looked so carefree, so natural. But to her, seeing such an alien look on her own face quite startled her and she nearly dropped her holopad. And then, as if by some miracle, she chuckled to herself. She didn't even understand why.Maybe there was a reason to live after all.
One thing was for sure. If she was going to keep on reading that list again, she'd be checking to make sure that his name wasn't on it. He was right. Maybe she should get to know more people for a change.Starting with Longshot.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
https://www.deviantart.com/thescorpiondoctor/art/Longshot-764590100The fighting had been fierce. Backfire could still hear the sound of blaster fire ringing in her auditory receptors. Energon was everywhere, along with the occasional bits of limbs and circuitry. Wait a minute... this was the medibay. She was in the medibay. Backfire frantically gazed around the room, hearing the moans of the injured and the dying and the sounds of various medical instruments. Welding. Drilling. Soldering. The sounds of circuits sparking and the occasional yelp or scream of pain. The medics were no doubt working overtime. Backfire felt around on the seat next to her, her servos twitching impatiently as they reached out and snatched up her holopad, and she clenched her jaw in anticipation. She was temporarily relieved by the cool blue glow that flooded its screen as she powered on the device and pulled open the list, scrolling through it as if scrolling for her life. Not her life. His life. She paused for a moment as dozens of names flickered before her optics, dozens of lives lost mere hours ago. Transistor. Datawave. Hackstream. Lackluster. Thunderhawk. Heatwave. Tinskip. Kettle. She scrolled through name after name after name, but the name she was looking for wasn't appearing anywhere. She continued to scroll, her spark racing and her systems running in a state of stress induced overdrive. "Come on... come on...come on..." she whispered to herself, checking, double checking, and triple checking her list. There was a gentle tap on her shoulder. "LONGSHOT!" she yowled in surprise, dropping her holopad on the floor and nearly firing several missiles in his direction as an involuntary reflex. "Didja miss me?" He asked, stepping around to the front of her and grinning widely. Backfire didn't answer. She didn't need to answer. Her answer was written in the anxious, worried look on her face plate that she had worn ever since she had woken up and began scrolling through her datapad, coupled by anger, confusion, and relief. Yes. Definitely relief. She was relieved that he was here and alive and...missing an arm?! "Primus! What happened to you?!" She yelped, jumping up from her seat and checking him over, noticing every single dent, scratch, and scuff on his frame.
"Hey! Take it easy. It's no big deal. Just a run in with a rival decepticon sniper, but the doc says it's easily replaceable. The energon leakage is stopped up with a patch for now and when they finish with the more critical patients they'll move onto me, and you as well I'm guessing with the looks of your chassis." Longshot replied. She looked down and noticed the numerous scuff marks and dents on her frame and she shook her head. "Those are old wounds. The medics know by now not to fix anything that isn't fatal so long as I still function."
Longshot narrowed his optics. "Are you sure you don't wanna get that fixed?" he asked. "I mean...not to be rude or anything but a lot of that looks like it must hurt." "The medics should save their supplies for the bots that actually deserve it. Plus, I prefer to keep my scars. They remind me of who I am, what I've been through, and why I'm still fighting. My scars make me who I am and remind me of my purpose. I don't want to erase them." Backfire responded. "Alright. Suit yourself." Longshot said with a skeptical shrug. Backfire nodded firmly. In truth, she was glad he didn't instantly start harassing her about her decision to keep her scars like most other bots did. Although she wasn't quite sure she liked the look on his face.
"Y'know what?" Longshot said, stroking the tip of his chin in contemplation with his left servo. Backfire narrowed her optics. "I think I'll just go about the rest of my life with just the one arm. I've always wondered what it would be like to go about my life one handed." he continued, his face plate twisted in a mischievous grin. "What?!" Backfire snapped, glaring at him in shock and confusion. "I bet it'll be fun. I'll just walk around like this in public, scare the kids, y'know, all that sort of stuff. I bet my little brother will be thrilled when I come back home and show him how fun it is to have just one arm that I bet he'll remove one of his arms to be just like me. I don't care about the repercussions or the way it'll impair my functioning and make me very off balance and far more likely to get shot. I'll just prance around doing everything with one arm, and then maybe after the war I'll join a circus. Yeah! One armed Longshot. I think it has a nice ring to it, don't you?" the mech rambled on, his grin so wide it looked like it would fall off his face.
"Uhm, no." Backfire said, glaring at him as if he had just sprouted another head. "Why not? It's my arm. Or lack thereof." he replied with a chuckle, lightly flicking her enstril with a digit. She grabbed his wrist and scowled. "Because that's completely ludicrous, rash, illogical, and not to mention the danger it would put you in. Do you have any common sense in that thick head of yours?!" "Nope." he said, smiling even wider. "And I know it's stupid." he added. "But it sounds like a good idea. And that way someone else can have the arm.""Are you serious?" she asked him, quite befuddled by the whole prospect of his grand idea. "Do I look serious?" He asked, grinning like a clown. "..........." Backfire tilted her head, furrowing her brow. She didn't quite get what he was going at.
Longshot chuckled. "Of course not! Buuuuut...." he said, making sure to add the emphasis to the 'but', "There is a point at what I'm getting at. A very blunt point, pun intended, but a point nonetheless."Backfire blinked slowly, even more confused than before.
"What I'm trying to say is that your ideology of keeping your scars is stupid." He said. "And now I'm going to go and ask the doc for when I can have my arm." "Stupid?! Stupid?! STUPID?! Excuse me! I'll have you know that I took several courses in..." Backfire started, outraged at his nerve. "Sssshhhhh." Longshot said, putting a digit to her lip plating and cutting her off mid sentence just as he was turning to leave. "I said your ideology is stupid. Not you. Your ideology. I mean, even looking at the word ideology, it's not that far off from idiocy when you think about it. And I don't think that any of those several courses are ever going to tell you what I'm about to tell you now.""And that is?" She growled in annoyance as she pulled his hand away from her mouth, still holding it firmly around the wrist."Your function and intelligence do not define your value. And quite frankly, primus help me that I'm saying this, but Backfire I like you just the way you are. And nothing is going to change that. You're worthy of my attention and you're certainly worthy of a few patches on those scars. Now if you excuse me, I have an arm to get reattached. Are you going to let me go or are we just going to stand awkwardly holding hands during the surgery?" Longshot replied. Backfire vented heavily before she loosened her grip on his wrist and tersely nodded. It was almost as if even though she was upset at what he had said she didn't want to let him go. Her digits tightened for a second around his wrist before she released his hand completely and allowed it to fall to his side. "Thanks!" he said, smiling. Why did he have to smile? It was as if the mech believed that there actually was good in the universe and a chance at winning the war. He then turned and walked off towards a separate section of the med bay, leaving her standing there like a complete fool. Backfire shook her helm and then looked down at her dented chest plating and her scuffed up frame. He was right. She really did need to get herself fixed. But where to start, with all the various scrapes and scratches from previous battles? She was such a mess. He had said he thought she was valuable, but was she really worthy of repairs? Was she worth the replacement material and time and energy and medical attention it would require to get her looking at least presentable? She didn't really think she was, but she knew that if he cared, it was all she needed. If it was worth it to him to repair her scars, then maybe if she got herself fixed he would keep coming back.
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Meteorite fragments pattered on the exterior of the spacecraft, bouncing off of the shields and back into the void of space. The void of space surrounding the ship was cluttered with the space rocks, some fairly annoying and others potentially catastrophic. Backfire stood in the control room, witnessing the multiple potential collisions as the ship sailed on through the stars, wincing or cringing at every little sound of the meteors hitting the shields. She couldn't pry her optics away, because she knew in an instant if there was one little slip up on the captain or the pilot's behalf, the ship could hit something too big for the shields to repel and they'd be crushed by the impact. Her tank was twisting in knots within her frame, complaining to her about the ration of diluted energon she had had a day ago, or screaming at her about how much she worried. Either way she was doing her best to ignore it, standing as still as she could until the next "THUNK" of a meteor being displaced by the shield. "The stars are so bright tonight, or today. Whichever it is." a voice that was growing familiar as the orns passed called out from behind her. She turned around. How could he not possibly be seeing the GIANT ROCK which was on a collision course with the ship?! She acknowledged his presence with an annoyed scowl before she spun around and went back to staring at the objects hurtling towards the windshield. "Aren't you excited we're going home?" Longshot asked. "If we survive the flight." She tersely growled under her breath. "Cybertron is just a few kliks away. And I'm sure the pilot knows what he's doing. Do you always worry this much?" he replied, stepping closer. She flinched as another medium sized space rock bounced off the shield right in front of their optics. "Okay... maybe you should spend this part of the trip in a part of the ship that isn't surrounded by windows." he said, a bit unamused by her incessant flinching and twitching by now. He had been standing in the doorway waiting for her to notice him for quite some time, and all she seemed to care about was the meteor shower outside. He would have said something sooner, except she had seemed occupied and it was a bit amusing to see her reacting to every little meteor. Still, he wasn't cruel enough to leave her alone with her fears, and he was beginning to notice her relax a bit every time a meteor didn't hit the ship. That fact made him wonder if it was wrong to want to take her to a lower deck so she didn't have to see the meteors. Maybe the debate in his processor of the pros and cons of removing the negative stimulus was why in all the time he'd been standing there he hadn't spoken up. "I need to see that we make it through this." she said. "We will. And if we don't, we won't have time to worry about it in the afterspark." Longshot said in reply. Backfire swiveled her helm in his direction. Just as she looked at him, a HUGE meteor missed the ship by an mere inches and Longshot gasped, whilst Backfire's optics were trained on his face. She narrowed her optics, studying his sudden and unusual change in expression. "What?" she asked, turning more to face him and tilting her head in his direction. "Oh....ah.... nothing. Nothing at all." he replied, obviously trying to hide the fact that the ship had nearly been crushed the second she turned her back to the window. It was obvious to both of them that she could tell that he was lying. "So ah... lower deck?" he asked, pointing towards the door. "................Sure." she reluctantly sighed, stepping towards him. He offered out an arm as if to lead her away like a gentlemech, and she declined by outright ignoring the gesture. "Save it for your conjunx." she said coldly as she followed him out of the room. "My ah....conjunx? Oh I'm not..." He awkwardly replied, allowing his arm to fall back to his side. "Oh? I'd assume a mech like you had plenty of game when it comes to romantic pairings. Or am I just making blatant assumptions tied to my observation of your altruistic extroversion?" Backfire said, quickening her pace and walking ahead of him, almost as if she was making sure he'd be answering that to her back. "Well...ah... I've had a few flings in my time here and there. Nothing too serious though. More just little jaunts to numb myself to the bleakness of reality I guess." he called after her, his face flushing blue in embarrassment of her bringing it up. "You of all bots?" she inquired. "And I thought I was the only one.""Nope." he replied. "I just find healthier alternatives to dealing with it.""Like squandering your affections on strangers?" she asked, stopping and turning around whilst raising an optic ridge. "You're not a stranger?" he countered."You barely know me.""I'd like to get to know you more." he said with a genuine sheepish smile. "Try me." She said, not avoiding the slight smirk that tugged at the corner of her intake as she shifted her weight and coyly crossed her arms. "Well...alright. Since you asked me first, it's only fair we break taboo together. What about you? Do you have a conjunx endura?" He replied with a devious little smirk. At that, she frowned and turned around, closing herself off from him entirely with a terse quip of "Wouldn't you like to know.""Hey! You asked first!""I didn't ask. I just assumed." she shot back, resuming her trek down the ship's corridor. "Assumed what?""That a mech like you probably already has someone or possibly even multiple someones to look after back home." She said."I have someone, yeh. But that's just Scatterblast. He's my little brother. I don't have... I don't have a sparkmate, okay? Sure, I've had a couple 'a relations in the past, but that's all they are! Past relations! Didn't work out, y'see." Longshot interjected. "You sound half desperate. And what makes you think I'm interested?" she growled. "Nothing! Nothing at all! I just thought you could use a...a....a.......""A WHAT exactly, hm?" she snapped, spinning around to face him again. "A friend..." he said back, looking quite embarrassed, awkward, and downtrodden at the same time. "So that's all I am to you, a charity case? Just another bot who needs your pity to make yourself better? Is that it?" Backfire growled. "Because if that's it, then you can bet your aft that I'm never speaking to you again.""That isn't it at all Backfire! Unlike most mechs, I genuinely enjoy your company. And I want to get to know you more regardless of if we just stay friends or....ack never mind! My point is, I like you and because I like you I am going to follow you around and make sure you're okay and get to know you better. And if you don't talk while I do so, that's fine because I can do the talking for the both of us." he replied, reaching out a servo towards her. She paused, staring at him for a moment. He meant it. His optics rang true with what his spark was meaning to say. And Backfire didn't know how to reply. "Life's to short to live without others you care about. So what do you say. Friends?" he asked, extending his servo for her to shake. Backfire released a large amount of pressure she'd built up inside through her vents and nodded, slowly and reluctantly as she returned his gesture and extended her own servo. He clasped her hand and gave it a firm, sincere shake. Friends. "Alright." she said slowly, pulling her servo away when it felt like it was too soon to let go. "I suppose this means I have a lot to get off my chestplate." Longshot smiled at her, as if he genuinely liked her regardless of whatever it was she was thinking right then and there. Backfire only hoped that he would still like her when he learned about her past.