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Harry exhaled deeply.He did it.He defeated the monster that plagued his entire life since birth.Voldemort was no more.Harry closed the distance between him and the fallen body of Voldemort, his wand still trained in front of him, afraid that Voldemort would just stand up again; after casting a quick spell to check for vital signs, he… found nothing.He’s dead. Like a human.The teen breathed another sigh of relief. But now what would he do? Harry stood there for a few minutes, the sky darkening, hinting that it might rain soon.He looked down at the wand he’s holding, caressing the soft yet rough wood texture.He should bring it back to Malfoy.Harry started to move his tired limbs towards the castle he used to call home. Now some parts of it were destroyed, leaving a huge pile of rocks around the vicinity of the school.“ I should thank him for saving me that time in the manor but… But the war… He’s just saving himself. He’s selfish. He’s still a prat. He’s…” Harry couldn’t name the feeling as he walked towards a corridor, a drizzle starting to dampen his hair. “He’s…” Hermione and Ron would call it obsession. But Harry would call it being vigilant. Who knew what Malfoy would do next. Bringing in more death eaters… or maybe…Harry’s train of thought was then interrupted by Hermione’s voice coming from a corridor, arguing with someone.Harry hid behind a broken pillar, not knowing why he had to hide. But as he peeked around the corner of the pillar, he saw Hermione and Malfoy arguing, and no one else around.He’s too far away to hear what they were saying, but it was clear to him that Malfoy was much more… softened. He stared at that sharp face a little longer as Hermione shouted something at Malfoy.What happened next made his heart drop to his stomach, lump in his throat.Malfoy grabbed Hermione’s face and pulled her into a kiss.Harry stood frozen, his breathing stopped.At first, Hermione resisted, but then relented and kissed back. They looked like a perfect couple at that point. The ideal couple. “I shouldn’t be here ,” Harry thought quickly, anxiety ratcheting up inside him.He felt like he’s going to vomit from the overwhelming feeling of anguish. Harry didn’t have the time to think. The moment he could move his legs again, he ran and ran.Right now the world felt so loud and overwhelming, as if everything was trying to hurt him, and the increasing heavy rain didn’t help one bit. He wished he had stayed dead. The rain pounded down into the now empty space, where a war used to be. A bloody war.Harry can feel the guilt crawling up. He doesn’t deserve this life, he should be dead. He didn’t know where he was going, but his legs had their own plan.The forbidden forest.Where he should’ve died.At the edge of the clearing, large trees were in his sight.Stumbling through the muddy soil and almost tripping along overgrown roots, he was assaulted by memories and voices that he knew was just his imagination. His own mind tricked him to believe all the mean things people said were true.And he let the voices control him.He remembered when he was with Dursleys for many years. Tormented, abused and bullied. Living a different kind of fear than that of a murderer chasing after him.They told him that his parents died from a car accident and never loved him. They told him he was a freak, living inside a cupboard for years, forgotten like old toys.He remembered when he found out he was a wizard and how everyone was terrified of him becoming the next Voldemort.He remembered how Pettigrew escaped into the night and he was hunted down by Dementors, always close to death.He remembered when his friends didn’t believe him when he said he wasn’t the one who put his name into the goblet. He watched Voldemort’s rebirth that very night in the maze.He remembered when he said Voldemort was back and no one believed him, being tortured by Umbridge, and then watching his own Godfather die in front of him.And just before Sirius’s death… Harry confessed that he was afraid of becoming a monster like Voldemort, but Sirius assured him that he would never be like that.Sirius is the guardian that he needed, but never came to fruition.He remembered camping in the forest, where they were challenged with the Horcruxes, fighting with each other and always on constant alert for Death Eaters. He felt like he would never sleep the same way again. He remembered his death. The earliest memory. And what he craved now. He could be with his parents, Sirius, and others…He craved it so badly.He was just a boy after all.A boy who was always close to death.
A boy who experienced death and came back to life twice.
Anger and despair filled his thoughts. He lashes out his magic toward the trees and surrounding area, destroying them in his fury.Then Harry dropped to his knees with a sob. Dropped to his sides and curled up on the muddy grass.He didn’t know what he truly felt when he saw Malfoy and Hermione together. But somewhere inside him, he felt pain . And he just wished he could forget it all.He’s so tired…
So very tired…
A few years later…
Draco was happily married to a beautiful woman. Strong… Smart… Talented… Hermione really was something.He didn’t expect it at first, the moment he fell in love with her. It started out as a crush when he saw Hermione with the Yule Ball dress. He annoyed Pansy back then too, with his eyes lingering on the pretty woman. And of course, young love sometimes dies out. And that’s when their happy marriage life became nothing more, nothing less.So Draco and Hermione got divorced. They stayed awkward friends at best. Casual hellos and “how are you”s.At least Hermione got a good job in the Ministry of Magic, independent and still holding herself proudly.Draco was proud of her. “Independent and strong willed as always. Like a true Gryffindor,” he would sometimes say with a shake of his head.But what was the truth of their divorce? Draco’s obsession.It’s been a few years since anyone last saw Harry James Potter. The boy who lived twice . The only information they had is that Potter disappeared after the death of Voldemort.Search teams were then sent out to the forbidden forest, and none could find any traces of the missing hero.Eventually, everyone gave up.Even his friends.Draco doesn’t want to hear excuses of Potter being “Tired of life and becoming a farmer”. He wants to know whether the git died or is still alive. And knowing Potter? Draco will bet his money on being alive.And “running away” is not on that list. Draco rejects that idea wholeheartedly.Because he knew Potter.He believes that Potter would suddenly appear again, with all his glory.
Because he has to come back.
Please come back…
A knock on the door alongside his name being called caught Draco’s attention.“Draco?”He grabbed his bag and opened the door of his study room —cozy Slytherin green themed— and found his ex-wife standing in front of him. Hermione must’ve Floo’d to Malfoy Manor.Hermione looked like she was about to say something, but then she shook her head instead and asked “What are you doing?”The blond was wearing a less expensive winter coat, since it’s nearly the end of Autumn. Draco adjusted his bag and said, “Going to find Potter.”“Draco…” Hermione sighed sadly, she looked pretty in her new brown winter coat. “There’s no changing your mind is there?”“No. I’m bringing that git with me whether he likes it or not,” said Draco determinedly. “He has to come back.”“Well… Alright. But please be careful,” Hermione sighed again.“You… You’re not going to stop me?” Draco asked, surprised.At that, Hermione smiled. It almost made Draco regret the divorce, because she looked so beautiful… But now his mind was filled with only one person. Potter.“In the past few years of knowing you? I think you’re as stubborn as Harry,” Hermione laughed softly.Draco smirked. “Well, the more I need to find him. So we could become stubborn buddies.”Hermione rolled her eyes but smiled. “Well forget what I wanted to say then. Go and get Harry home.” Then she turned back to go to the living room to Floo away.Draco smiled behind her back and apparated away, near Hogsmeade, where he would walk up to the school, then to the forbidden forest. “Seriously. The Forbidden Forest? What was he thinking? It was as if he wanted to die... like a suicide-addict or something.” Draco thought.
“No… Potter couldn’t be someone like that. That’s just not him at all.”
It’s not his Harry at all.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Harry let out a breath, bewildered.He did it.He defeated Voldemort.Harry let out a laugh, still in shock over the battle. A battle he wouldn’t forget.
Leaning on his knees and then straightening up again, he dragged his tired body towards Hogwarts. Or what was left of it that is.He needed to find Malfoy, give him back his wand and thank him for his help. And maybe… just maybe… No, he couldn’t do it. Malfoy is still a prat and he helping him is just to save his own hide. Yes, that’s right. He’s just scared of Voldemort and Bellatrix, so he saved him instead. Right?It started to rain.Well, screw it, Harry thought. Let the rain wash away the blood, the heavy weight of the war, and maybe the pain too that is currently crushing his heart; his chest tight and he felt like he couldn’t breathe.Because there.In the middle of the rain, and broken ceiling of one of the Hogwarts hallways.Draco and Hermione.Harry know he shouldn’t be here. This is a private moment. But whenever he tried to move his legs, it wouldn’t budge. He stood still as he watched his best friend and his… whoever Draco is to him… started to kiss.Hermione shouted something at Draco before he put his left hand behind her head and pulled her into a kiss. She protested at first but then relented and kissed back.Harry swallowed the lump in his throat. He can feel himself breaking down into pieces after pieces.
The world sounded deafening in his ears, his heart beating slowly but with a huge thump that was painful in his chest, his own limbs tightening each other and finally his mind…He knows this is the last straw.He should’ve chosen to stay dead.Finally, he can move his legs. He turned, ran and ran. Paying no mind where he was going, but at the same time, he knew where to go, his legs leading him the way.The rain started to grow, but he doesn’t care. It helped to keep his tears hidden from the world as his mind swirled into the darkness. As dark as the Forbidden Forest.He almost slipped, but regained his balanced and continued running, he started to hear the voices. He also knew they aren’t real, and it was just his control slipping. But he let it control him.How he came to the Dursleys, abused, neglected and bullied by his own cousin and his friends.How he was a freak living under the cupboard for eleven years, knowing his parents doesn’t love him and died from a car accident.How he finally knew he was a wizard, but people thinking he was the next Voldemort.How his friends abandoned him at some point even though he swore he didn’t put his name into the goblet.How he said that Voldemort is back, alive, and no one believed him.How he was tortured by Umbridge and then watching his Godfather died in front of him.He remembered his confession to his Godfather… He’s scared that he will turn into Voldemort. But Sirius assured him, he wouldn’t be. He was like a parent to him. Something he didn’t have for years.He almost cried back then from that fact.How he had to hunt Voldemort’s soul and camp in the forest, always alert in case of Death Eaters. He thought he would never sleep again after that constant paranoia.How he was actually just a boy in the end.He was just a boy.
A boy who experienced death.
In his anger and thought how unfair the world is, Harry let out his magic at the surrounding trees. Destroying a field in his wake.He dropped to his knees and let out a shout to the still dark sky. Then finally, finally he let out a sob and curled onto the wed and muddy grass.Lost… He is lost. And he doesn’t mind it. It was just like his mind, a huge never-ending maze to something he couldn’t have.Love.He never felt so empty and lonely. He knew even if he had the guts to go back ‘home’, it would never be home to him if the person he loved the most isn’t beside him.He didn’t even know he felt so strongly for Draco before… the scene. But now he knew. And he is just so tired of fighting.
So tired…
A few years later…
Draco was happily married to a beautiful woman. Strong… Smart… Beautiful… Hermione really is something.He didn’t expect it at first, the moment he fell in love with this woman. But, even then, there are moments where he doubted his choices.But who wouldn’t want to marry someone like Hermione? He bet even Blaise would fight him for Hermione’s hand in marriage if it weren’t for the fact that Pansy took a fancy on the flirty Slytherin.And then of course, even if he called this a happy ‘marriage’ there would always be problems.Like for example…The boy who lived went missing.Missing since he defeated Voldemort.He had heard rumors that they saw him walking around the castle as if looking for something or someone, and then a few moments later running off to Merlin knows where.There had been search team, trying to find him. Or the worst-case scenario… what was left of him.It was then after a few a few years, people started to give up.Even his friends.Draco sneered at that thought, they tried to excuse Potter that “Oh he’s just having a hard time and maybe wanted to be left alone.”
That’s definitely not Potter at all, to just run off after a war where he could be the grand hero and where people could kneel before him.Besides, he knows Potter.Well… He just knows.Potter would come back and all was well.
He knew he would come back…
Please come back…
“Draco?” a voice called out.Draco turned to face his wife. Or well… his ex-wife.In the end, their love didn’t really… match per-se. He knew they could do better and be a happy couple, or maybe even a family. But he can’t. Not after his obsession with finding the missing Golden Boy.“Yes, ‘Mione?”. At least they are still in good terms, best friends more like.“Where are you going?” Hermione asked as she tilted her head at the bag he is carrying. A travelling pack that Hermione gave him for a birthday present. Said something about, a complicated magic was used to make that and Draco was happy for it.“Trying to find that stupid git of course. I had enough of this act of his. It’s getting on my nerves, and if he doesn’t come back with me this instant, I will drag him here myself.” Draco wrinkled his nose.“Well, alright. Just be careful okay?” Hermione looked at him seriously“You’re… not going to stop me?” Draco looked at her with surprise.Hermione let out a long sigh. “Gave up on that long ago, Draco. You’re just as stubborn as Harry, so honestly, there’s really no stopping both of you from doing things.” She shook her head.Draco smirked, “Well the more I need to find him then as stubborn buddies.”Hermione let out a groan and turned to walk back into the living room where Ron was sitting and calmly drinking a cup of tea while reading the latest news.Draco smiled behind her back, full of love that wasn’t anything more than friendly adoration. He walked out of the back door and apparated.He knows he’s here somewhere… He could just feel it.Draco contemplated shouting our Potter’s name or just stay silent in case a dangerous Magical Beast is around.
Seriously. The Forbidden Forest? What was he thinking? It was as if he wanted to die like a suicide-addict or something.
No… Potter couldn’t be someone like that. That’s just not him at all.
It’s not his Harry at all.