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2018-10-23
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3049
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1/1

The Discovery of

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Hi. My name is Shirokane Rinko, and I'm not quite like most people. I can turn invisible. At least, I'm fairly sure that's how it works. You know, it's like in those games where you have a thief or rogue with stealth mode. They turn that on, and just vanish. It's kinda like that. I even get the strange effect of colours looking more washed out. Though I'm not entirely sure if that's part of the power itself, or just my mind projecting what it expects it to look like. However, I can't entirely control it.In theory I can turn it on and off as I want, but my personality, and... my mental health can make it complicated. First off, I'm very introverted. Dealing with other people is difficult and draining for me. On top of that I struggle a lot with anxiety. I would go so far as to call it crippling at times. Hard to breathe, nauseous, a feeling of being stabbed in the gut, freezing, brain screaming at me to get away and hide. Social anxiety is the most common way it expresses itself. Being around crowds is awful. Or at least not great, even at the best of times. I have gotten better, but more on that later.The issue is that when I get too anxious, I automatically turn invisible. Sometimes I can return to visible without problem, but if the anxiety attack is too strong I'm stuck that way. I have medication to help me out, but if I've already been forced invisible, it will take a little while to kick in and let me un-stealth again. I'm not terribly fond of using it, as it makes me feel slow and weird, but sometimes there's no choice. Going somewhere safe helps, and might sometimes be enough.If it keeps escalating it triggers my second power. It takes me home. See, I can teleport too, but I have very limited control over it. It only takes me home. I have tried to use it to take me somewhere, anywhere, else, but to no avail. It's always home. I can activate it willingly, though I prefer not to, as it's very disorienting. Usually it's triggered when my anxiety gets too strong, or if I feel trapped in some way.This has made school awkward, but I am slowly getting better at managing both myself, and my powers. Turning invisible at school is very rare these days. And the library has always been a safe zone for me. If I turn invisible, I will often head there to calm down, if I can.My parents say the first time they noticed was when they were looking for a daycare to put me in. I was clinging to my mother really tightly whenever strangers got too close, and at some point I suddenly vanished. They found me back home, hiding under the sheets in my bed. Though it had caused them quite the panic attack, which I understand. It might have started earlier than that. They've let on that I was sometimes hard to find around the house, but they hadn't thought of it as anything unnatural. After all, why would they?So my life has been an awkward one, but I would say I am finally, slowly, opening up. I have found something very important to me.* * *"Rin-Rin! Look! It's that figure you were talking about!" Ako-chan says excitedly.I follow her over to the figure display, and there it is. One of the iconic monsters from Neo Fantasy Online, the very fluffy Furble. It's sort of the mascot of the game, and they came out with a new figure of it lately. It's purple rather than the traditional white or yellow. I think it's really cute. I think it should come with a couple of hats you can put on it, but they aren't on the display model. Maybe they're worried someone will take them. Or someone already did.NFO is one of the MMORPGs (that's Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games) that Ako-chan and I play. Probably the one we've put the most time into.I hear Ako-chan gasp. She spotted another figure. "It's the hero from that action anime last season! She's sooo cool. Hey, Rin-Rin, do you think I could pull off the look?" she asks."Hm..." Considering the character classes Ako-chan typically gravitates towards, it's a little hard to imagine her as a warrior type. "I'm not sure... but we could try... putting together a cosplay for you?" I suggest. We regularly go to conventions together. Even though I'm a huge nerd, you might think it strange that I'd willingly go to a convention considering my issues. But it helps if I go in cosplay. I feel more at ease when I can be someone else. I'm not the type who likes being taken pictures with, though. I just like dressing up."Dark Warrior Ako is here to save the day! If I unleash the hidden power in my sword arm, nothing can stand in my way! Come forth... uh... dark demon... something... uh... bam!" Ako-chan just barely manages to not hit a stack of figure boxes, but she nails the pose. We watched every episode of the show together, after all."Very cool, Ako-chan," I say with a smile.Udagawa Ako is my best friend, my ultimate gaming buddy, and my girlfriend. I don't know if that's strange, since there's two years between us, but she means the world to me. She's the only one outside my family who knows about my power, and she thinks it's so amazing. It was nerve-wracking to tell her, but it was worth it. She says she knows other people with powers, which surprised me, but she won't tell me who they are. That is fair. I wouldn't want her to tell anyone about me, either. I can't say that I'm not curious, though. I'm not even sure if she meant to tell me, or if she accidentally let it slip. It can be hard to tell.She's also told me she wishes she had powers of her own. That maybe if she acts the part, she'll be able to summon them forth. She's really cool, and has helped me feel more normal. And I keep telling her she already has a power, but she doesn't think it's cool enough. Let me tell you a story.* * *As I said earlier, I'm very introverted. I was never able to make friends. I spent a lot of time in the library when I was at school. Books were my friends. Still are. Reading is a great way of getting into a different world. And at home I got into video games.At first it was mainly singleplayer games, but eventually I ventured into the world of online gaming. Out there even someone like me could interact with other people, and be a hero. Not that it was as easy as I had hoped. Even there I wasn't able to make friends. But I was satisfied playing my mage in a fantasy world surrounded by other people. Occasionally I would group up with random people to do some boss or event. But it never turned into any friendships. At the time I didn't feel bad about that. I thought being there was enough.Until I met a small, but fierce dark summoner, played by Ako-chan. From the very start I thought she was really cool. And for some reason she got attached to me. Wanted to play with me. I have a much easier time communicating in text than in person, so I was able to talk with her. A real friendship formed. My first one. We did all sorts of things together. I felt excited about seeing her whenever I logged in.Ako-chan talks about as much in text as she does in person. She's a master of both. And she's also far less shy about sharing things than I am. Even as my fondness for her grew, I was wary of sharing any personal information. But one day she just casually dropped the bomb that she goes to school in Edogawa. The same part of Tokyo I live in, and go to school in. I wondered if we were in the same school, but I was afraid to ask. Was still afraid to let her know anything too personal.Eventually I found the courage to open up a bit more, which after a while led to us agreeing to meet up. That's a long enough story that if I told it, I wouldn't have time for anything else. She told me she lives close to the shopping district, so I agreed to meet her there. I wasn't willing to share my picture or phone number online, as I was worried about someone else seeing, somehow. But I described what I look like, and what I'd be wearing. In turn she did the same.Yet as soon as I arrived, I started regretting it. There were far more people than I was ready for. I tried my best to find a quiet spot by where we said to meet, out of the way, but there were so many people. I couldn't hold it together, and I turned invisible against my will. Which just made things worse. I wasn't able to turn it off again, and I was panicking. That likely didn't help matters. Now Ako-chan wouldn't be able to find me. Even if I took my medication, it wouldn't work in time. It would take about half an hour, and our meeting time was less than five minutes away. Everything felt hopeless. I thought I might as well go home. Come up with some excuse to tell her later. Tears began forming in my eyes.But before I could leave, I heard: "Rinko-san? Shirokane Rinko-san?"I blinked, and saw someone looking right at me. Which shouldn't be possible. I was invisible. I knew I was invisible. But there she was. A short girl with red eyes, and purple hair, looking right at me."Ako... san...?"She lit up. "It is you! Wow, you look just like you described. No, even prettier!"At the time I wasn't really able to process what she had said, because I was so shocked by one thing: "You can... see me?" I asked."Huh?" She gave me a quizzical look. "Of course I can! You kinda stand out, you know." No one had ever told me that before.I don't think I have the words to really describe what I felt at that moment. Relieved, confused, overjoyed. Maybe also a little scared. I was invisible, and she could still see me.I'm certain it has to be a special power that lets her see through mine. I suspect she might see me even clearer when my power is active. She always seems to find me. Granted, it's not a flashy power, but it's very special to me.* * *The memory makes me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside, so I hug her close."Eh? Rin-Rin?" she sounds surprised. "Is something wrong?" she asks."Just remembered something," I say."Something bad?""No... something very good... I love you, Ako-chan," I tell her.She hugs me back. "I love you too, Rin-Rin!"* * *Meeting Ako-chan made a bit more of the world unlock for me. And gradually she helps me unlock even more.We're in a band now. Roselia. She plays the drums, and I the keyboard. It took me a while to decide that I wanted to join, but I'm glad I did. The others are also precious friends now.And I make all our stage outfits. I mentioned that I enjoy cosplay earlier, and I taught myself how to make my own costumes. Once we got the band started, I volunteered to make our outfits. Even if I'm shy, I'm still confident enough in my abilities. At least in that department. Which helps me on stage, as well. When I put on an outfit, and go out on stage, I think of it as cosplaying. I'm no longer the introverted, anxious Shirokane Rinko who would be petrified by the crowd in front of us. I'm Roselia's keyboard player, and I'm there to support the others. It doesn't mean I'm not nervous, but it's enough to let me perform with all I have.It's a good party we've formed.* * *"So are we all in agreement on the set-list for the next performance?" Yukina-san asks us.Minato Yukina is our leader, vocalist, and the whole reason the band exists to begin with. It started for me when Ako-chan brought me along to see her perform. Even when she was solo, it was easy to tell she's something special. With just her voice she had built up a fanbase before any of the rest of us came along. I think she might have the most amazing singing voice in the world. It touched my heart. And while she might seem cold before you get to know her, I know she really cares about us. She can be a harsh critic, but she's also good at encouraging us when we need it. It feels like we're as important to her, as she is to us."I have no objections," Hikawa-san says. While trying to not be too obvious about how many potato fries she's taking.Hikawa Sayo is our guitarist. I thought she was scary at first, but she's actually a very sensitive girl. She just tries to hide it, which I suppose I can relate to. But like Yukina-san she has no problem being blunt about telling us if we're doing good or bad. And she doesn't like wasting time.We're in the same class at school, but we hadn't interacted at all before joining the band. Of course, I can't really say I had interacted much with anyone, but neither of us are really the type to be very social.Hikawa-san has been gradually changing, and opening up. Much like me, I suppose. And I get the impression something good might have happened in her life recently. That incident with her sister? Or something else? I'm not sure."Ooo, this chocolate pudding is really good. You should try some, Yukina," Imai-san says, and puts some on her spoon. Which she then guides towards Yukina-san's mouth."L-Lisa?" Yukina-san is starting to look embarrassed."Come on. Say aaahhh," Imai-san insists.Yukina-san's cheeks are quite pink, but she does as she's told. And gets fed.Imai Lisa is our bassist, and the band mom. Maybe that sounds like I'm joking, but it's how I honestly feel. She's very much like a mother. Warm, kind, caring. Always looking out for our best. Making sure we do what we should. Scolding us when we don't. Likes bringing us snacks that she makes herself. I confess I have accidentally called her 'mom' a couple of times.Yukina-san may be our leader, but we'd be lost without Imai-san. I guess she's like our healer. She keeps us up. I wouldn't trade my Ako-chan for anyone, but I recognise that Yukina-san is lucky to have Imai-san.* * *Today is a big day.Ako-chan and I are going to try going to a convention out of cosplay for once. I'm nervous, but I'm the one who wanted to try this. To see if I can.I wonder if I'm holding Ako-chan's hand too tight. We're just going to go inside, look at cosplayers, and maybe buy a doujin or two. That's all. Not a big deal.There are a lot of people, though. We'd have to stand in line to buy anything. Maybe we can skip that part.We're inside the hall. I've been here before, but... was it always this big? The throng of people is suffocating. It feels everyone can see me. No, no one is watching. I know that. But...There's so many people. Someone bumps into me. I can't even tell who. My chest is..."Rin-Rin?" Ako-chan sounds worried. Am I squeezing her too hard?Oh no. No no no. I'm going invisible. All the signs are showing. Which means Ako-chan is too, as I'm holding on to her. No. I need to go visible again. My medication. But I'd have to let go of Ako-chan. I should have taken it before we went in. Why didn't I? No. No... I want to go home...There's that feeling of my mind getting sucked through a hole, and... I'm home. I feel relieved, but also disappointed in myself. I should have planned better. I just want to huddle up."Rin-Rin? Are you okay?" I hear Ako-chan ask me softly.She got sucked back here with me. My powers extend to anything, and anyone, I'm holding. She's still holding onto my hand firmly."I-I'm sorry, Ako-chan... I couldn't..." I feel tears in my eyes.She smiles at me. "It's okay. Come here," she says, and reaches up to grab my collar. Then she gently pulls me down to give me a kiss. "It's okay. We made it all the way inside. You did good, Rin-Rin."That makes me feel a little better. She's so cool. Though I'm still feeling unwell, and like I just want to hide, so I take a water bottle and my medication out of my bag. My hands are trembling slightly as I take it. I don't mind so much feeling slow when Ako-chan is here to look after me.As I set the water bottle down, I see she's already most of the way through making a pillow fort for us. I have a lot of pillows.I huddle myself inside, and she snuggles in with me. We'll hide in here until the world feels less scary. She might be smaller than me, younger than me, but she makes me feel safe."Don't worry, my dark powers are shielding us in here," she tells me."I really love you, Ako-chan," I whisper to her."I love you too, Rin-Rin," she replies, and kisses me again.Even when I am desperate to hide, I would never hide from her. Even if she's not there, I know she'll always find me. She is my key to the world.

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