Work Text
Prologue
The disadvantage of when your soulmate works with you is that you can't really know who it is. Ryan never thought about it until the night after his first day of work when he noticed that his bud on his clavicle had bloomed into a wonderful yellow tulip. At the sight of the pretty flower in the reflection of the mirror, he hurried to search up its significance on the Internet – even if it didn’t have a real impact. The yellow tulip was a representation of joy: it demonstrated eternal love and a promise to always be there. Ryan smiled in seeing its significance and then sighed when he realised that, with all the people he met today, it was impossible to know who his soulmate was. He had always dreamed to meet this person made for him.
He remembered the first time they explained to him what the bud was. His parents had shown him their matches daisies, white as snow, one on the wrist, the other on the neck. They told him that the bud would stay as black outlines until he met his soulmate, and at that moment his flower would blossom and the colors would appears. Some people don't search for their soulmates, however, and still do well with other people. It had never been a social pressure, only something there on your skin, telling you which person is best for you. To be honest, he wasn't really interested in it. Until he was 17.
It was a normal afternoon hanging out with Leah, who lived near to his house. They had decided to go see a film. He liked Leah: she was funny and really detached from the world and her bud was on the corner of her right eye. When they approached the counter and Leah's eyes met those of the seller – who had to be only one or two years older – he witnessed the most beautiful thing he ever saw: the blooming of a bud. He watched as a lilac appeared on the corner of the Leah's eye and a tender purple filled the flower's traits, black and purple entwined on the brown skin. He also saw that same lilac appeared on the seller's arm. The two stayed amazed, eyes fixed on the blooming. Ryan had to get them out of their daydream and force Leah to go into the projection room because she was in such a state of shock.
In the end, years later, Leah and Gabe – the theatre's seller – were married and awaiting a child. Since that day, when he saw the blooming of a soulmate's flower, he had to admit he really wanted to meet his own.
Working at BuzzFeed had some benefits, such as the creation of BuzzFeed Unsolved, his little baby. Ryan had put his heart into the project, forgetting about the fact that his soulmate was working there and that he absolutely wanted to find them. After a few years, he accepted it: he wouldn't find his soulmate just like that. May as well let destiny do it work. And anyway, he didn't really needed a soulmate, not when Shane was there.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“So, you’re in love with Shane?”
“No, Steven, I– Are you even listening to me?!” answered Ryan, exasperated.
Ryan was having lunch with his colleague and friend Steven Lim. During the lunch, the silver haired boy had started to talk about soulmates’ flowers and inevitably had asked Ryan if his flower had bloomed. The ghost hunter had sighed for a long time before explaining the situation.
“Damn, that’s sad, and you have really no idea who it could be?” Steven asked
“No, no idea but it’s no big deal, I’ll end up finding her anyway,” he said while smiling “And I have other stuff in mind,” he added.
Steven tilted his head to the side and raised an eyebrow.
“Like what?”
“Unsolved, and then there is Shane so…”
“I knew it!”
Since then, things had gotten worse until the point that Steven wasn’t listening anymore and was establishing plans to make Shane fall in love with Ryan. And even if Ryan really liked Steven, right now, he only wanted him to shut up. So, he used the most cowardly method he had: to touch on a raw nerve.
“Before taking care of my love life, you should tell the truth to Andrew.”
It stopped Steven in his momentum, mouth open for a few seconds while shades of pink were invading his cheeks. He went back to his plate without a word.
Ryan knew he shouldn’t have used this information against Steven; his friend had trusted him enough to confess the truth. Steven’s flower was on his hip bone, a pretty pinky alstroemeria: exactly the same of what was on Andrew’s biceps. Ryan had asked his friend why he hadn’t told Andrew that he was his soulmate and Steven had explained that the blond didn’t care about soulmates and had a tendency to date women. He was afraid that Andrew would reject him. And Ryan understood. He sighed and ran a hand over his face.
“No, listen, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have say that,” he said with a frown. He felt like an asshole. “I understand, you know.”
Steven had a sad smile on his face as he shrugged. They didn’t talked about the subject and split up to go back to work.
Ryan let himself fall into his desk chair next to Shane and exhaled for a while. His colleague shot him a glance.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes.” He sat up straight and started to work, but a few minutes later, he turn toward Shane. “Not really, I just argued with Steven”
“Why?” asked Shane, clearly concerned.
“Nothing important,” he said, shaking his head, “but I think I really hurt him and I don’t know how redeem myself.”
Shane rested his head in his hand while he thought and then smiled like he had the idea of the century.
“Buy him food, it seems to always work.”
Ryan laughed a bit and shook his head before turning back to his computer to work. He really liked Shane for that: it was so easy for him to put a smile on Ryan’s face with a stupid joke or even with only a smile. He was always there for him and that’s why Ryan wasn’t really worried about not finding his soulmate. Shane was there to fill his feeling of loneliness, to cheer him up and reassure him when his was afraid. Sometimes he was terrified at the idea that he could not erase his feelings – which wasn’t love indeed – when he’ll find his soulmate. He shook his head: no, he’ll fall in love with that girl and Shane will only be a close friend. He wondered if Shane knew what he felt. He wondered if he already have met his soulmate and if so, why he stayed so much with him. Maybe he was in the same situation. They never talked about it, maybe he should ask him.
Steven wasn’t mad at him for long and it reassured Ryan. He thought he had crossed a line with his comment. Once again reunited for a lunch, Steven announced: “I think I’m going to confess to Andrew.”
“Seriously?! That’s awesome!” He was really happy; he always thought that the two host of Worth It would be a cute couple. He almost said it out loud but stopped himself when he saw that Steven seemed concern and that his hand was shaking. “Are you okay? You don’t have to do it, Steven.”
“Yes, yes, I have to do it, or I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life.”
“Ok, sure, but when will you do it?”
“Now,” he said as he suddenly stood up and started to walk towards Andrew, who was making a coffee.
Ryan watched him, a little bit worried by turn of events. He didn’t necessarily think it would go wrong, but with all the times he had heard Steven say that he’ll be rejected, he was starting to believe it. In the end, a few steps away from Andrew, Steven stopped and turned away, eyes fixed on his shoes. He came back to sit in front of Ryan.
“It’s a start,” said the ghost hunter as an encouragement.
The other let his head fall on the table in a dramatic way and groaned.
“I will never get there…”
Ryan patted his head, compassionate. Suddenly, Sara appeared in front of them. Steven still didn’t move. Sara was the second person he knew that had her flower on her face. A lily of the valley was following the curve of her smile, the stem started at the corner of her lips and going up her cheek.
“I was searching you!” she said while smiling to the two boys. “Jazz’ want to shoot a new video and was wondering if you would participate ?”
“What is it ?”
“Best friends shows their flower/bud for the first time. We were saying that it could be fun since we never saw yours.”
Ryan looked at Steven who was looking at Sara with big eyes. It was his chance to show Andrew the truth and it was Ryan’s chance to maybe find his soulmate.
“Okay,” they decided in unison.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Ryan found himself the day after in one of the shooting rooms. The usual desk was placed in front of a plain red background. He was stressed but especially in a hurry to show his mark. He would finally find his soulmate. A hand on his shoulder startled him out of his daydream. Steven seemed to be very stressed too, he was pinching his lips rather violently and his leg was twitching.
“I should back out of this.”
“No, Jesus Christ! You can’t chicken out now!”
Jazz interrupted them as they approached.
“Boys! Happy to see you here.”
They greeted her.
“Little change: we put you with other people since I think you already know each other’s marks.”
Ryan’s smile fell down immediately: this he hadn’t foreseen, and he felt Steven stiffen at his side.
“Steven, we put you with Adam, okay? And Ryan with Shane of course.”
“Of course,” Ryan repeated, his throat dry.
Steven seemed to recover even if the stress didn’t leave his face. The ghosthunter, on the other hand, was very close to fainting. He didn’t know why the idea to show his flower to Shane made him uncomfortable. There was nothing strange to it, just the confirmation that Shane wasn’t the one for him. Steven waves a hand in front of his face.
“Ryan? Are you okay? You’re very pale.”
He nodded slowly. Jazz continued to explain to them the order of their appearance and made them wait. Jen and Devin, who also were part of the video, were already there and Shane and Adam came over without delay. They greeted each other calmly, but Ryan was no longer calm at all. Why was he freaking out this much? He had no idea. Beside him, Shane was silent, playing on his phone, look imperturbable. Steven, who seemed to feel the awkwardness of his friend, moved closer to discuss.
“Hey, what brought you here?”
Shane sighed and put his phone in his pocket.
“Sara. She said it would be good for me and it would allow me to find my soulmate. Since my flower has bloomed, it seems to be her only goal.”
“I really thought that you two were soulmates.”
“No, but we get along very well and I like Sara a lot so as long as my flower didn’t bloom then it wasn’t really problematic.”
Ryan looked at his friends without understanding. What was this story? He didn’t dare to ask. Steven seemed to acknowledge his friends ignorance, so he explained.
“Sara and Shane used to date before.”
“But wait, I always saw her with her lily of the valley, she’s supposed to have met her soulmate.”
“Sara met her soulmate as a baby,” said Shane. “So her flower has always been there, she just doesn’t know who it is.”
“Oh.”
Jazz let them know that the video was ready. Devin and Jen went first. The two of them laughed when they learned that neither of them had their flower. The take was rather funny but it didn’t help Ryan destress. Then it was their turn. They took their places behind the desk and Jazz told them they could go.
“Well, if we are here, it’s to show our flowers,” Ryan started while smiling at the camera.
“Yours has bloomed?”
“Yes.”
“Oh but I didn’t know! Who’s the lucky girl?” laughed Shane.
A litany of “fuck” echoed in Ryan’s head, so he made a nervous smile to his partner and let out a usual “shut up, Shane”. No-one noticed his uneasiness. Fortunately by the way, because he wouldn’t even know how to explain his uneasiness. He didn’t understand what was happening in his own head. He continued the conversation casually.
“When did yours bloom?”
“Ah good question. I have no idea! I didn’t even realise it at the beginning. And you?”
“About two years ago,” said Ryan vaguely.
Shane’s look suddenly became curious. Jazz signaled them to show their maks. Shane stood up and put his foot on the table in a dramatic way. It made Rayn laugh. He pulled himself together and grabbed the collar of his shirt.
“At three?” he asked.
Shane nodded as he grasped his pant cuffs.
“One, two…”
“Three,” they said in unison while unveiling their flower.
There was a long silence. Ryan stared at his flower. His own flower that he saw every morning. His flower that was on Shane’s shin. He heard a “fucking shit” to his right but he could not have said who it came from.
What happened next was blurry for Ryan. He saw himself through a fog. He tripped over his chair, got back up and left the room. All sound had been shut down and replace with his breathing. He then left the building as quickly as possible, not caring about looking nuts. He didn’t really know what happened between the moment he left Buzzfeed and the moment he found himself at home. He wasn’t even sure he was at home, he was so confused. Ryan had a damned panic attack. Shane was his soulmate,
Shane was is soulmate?!
The thought went round in circles in his head. Was it real? He had doubts. His soulmate couldn’t be Shane, could he? It must be a woman. Not Shane! Shane was a substitute! Shit, fucking shit! Did that mean he was gay? No. Pan, maybe. He really didn’t see it coming. As he was coming back to his senses and the information was integrating into his brain, he heard his phone buzzing on the couch. He must have thrown it there when he got in. He grabbed it with a shaking hand. He had ten missed calls from Steven and Jen and several messages. Nothing from Shane, which made his stomach tighten. He left his phone on the coffee table; he had to think about something for now. He spent the rest of the day working on an unsolved case. He gave quick glances to his phone but didn’t answer any of the phone call or messages. He fell asleep very late and called in sick the next day. Was he acting like a coward? Definitely. But for now, he didn’t see other solutions.
A second day passed, then a third. Every morning, he tried to motivate himself to go to work, to confront life. And every morning, he panicked and decided to lock himself at home. He worked on cases to get Shane out of his head. He couldn’t think of Shane, not now. He felt so lost. It was making him question all his convictions. First conviction: his soulmate was a human. Of course, he knew that you could have a same-sex soulmate and he wasn’t homophobic, but he had always been attracted to women until now, so obviously in his head his soulmate was a woman.
Second conviction: Shane was a substitute. Now that he was thinking about it, he thought it was ridiculous. Using your best friend as a substitute soulmate? Who does that?
Third conviction: what he felt for Shane was only a fling. Clearly, it wasn’t.
While immersed in the story of a horrifying but exciting murder, the doorbell of his apartment made him jump. He watched the door for a moment, asking himself if he should open it or not. He was tempted to let the person go. However, the bell rang again. He pushed his laptop aside and went to open, hands shaking a bit. He was very surprised to see Sara’s friendly face. His initial surprise was soon replaced with fear. After all, Sara was Shane's ex and she was still very close to him.
“Hey,” she said softly.
“Hey,” Ryan answered automatically.
His voice was hoarse after three days of being locked in his home.
“I think we have to talk.”
“About what?”
Sara raised an eyebrow, she asked to come in and Ryan shifted robotically. The young woman sat at the end of the couch and encouraged Ryan to sit. He was so nervous that he obeyed without a word.
“Ryan,” Sara started searching for the man’s eyes, "I do not know how you feel now, and I guess it's not going well since you're refusing to come to work or even answering your friends. And if I’m not mistaken it’s because of Shane.”
Ryan stiffened at those words.
“Listen, I’m here because I understand that it frightens you. I talked with Shane and he is…” Sara's eyes glazed over and she shook her head, “he doesn’t want it to interfere in your work and whatever you want, he’ll accept. He just want you to be okay, he’s worried, you disappeared without a word.”
Tears began to appear in Ryan's hazel eyes, his jaw contracted. He didn’t want to cry but there were too many feelings clashing inside of him. Sara took him gently into her arms and salty pearls started to roll on his cheeks. He really needed support, friends, touch, he was well aware he could not stay hiding at home forever. Sara released him when he calmed down and grabbed a handkerchief from her purse. Ryan took it as he whispered a thank you.
“All I can advise you is to come back to Buzzfeed and talk to Shane. The fact that you are his soulmate, it will not force you to do anything, I promise you. We just want you to be okay. Both of you. Together or separately.”
They talked for a few minutes about some other stuff, then Sara hugged him a last time before leaving. Ryan thought that this girl was really a wonderful friend. Talking to her had done him a lot of good. He took his courage in both hands and answered his friends that he had ignored for too long. He spent the evening working on a case. Tomorrow he would go back to work.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Coming back to work wasn’t that bad ultimately, Ryan thought when he passed the doors of the building. He greeted some of his coworkers and headed directly for his desk. He was reassured as he saw that Shane wasn’t there yet. He set straight to work, formatting his research for the next episode. He suddenly realize that the shooting should be the next day -- it’s lucky that he came back. He saw Shane sit down at the desk beside him so he gave him a quick greeting, without even taking off his headphones. He pretended for a while that he was immersed in his work, but in reality his attention was completely turned towards his colleague. He felt that Shane kept glancing at him and it disrupted him a lot.
Knowing that he would not come to anything like that, he decided to go get a coffee, just to calm down. He got up without a warning, making Shane jump slightly. That would have made him laugh in another situation, because Shane jumped for so little and did not move an inch in haunted places. But for now, his mood did not allow him to laugh.
As he poured coffee and the pressure dropped a little, Jazz appeared in front of him with bright eyes. "Shit," he thought suddenly, remembering that she had been in the room at the fateful moment. He took a step back as if he was going to run away but he did not have time to go anywhere.
"Ryan! Happy to see you again among us,” she said cheerfully, much too cheerfully. "So?"
"So what?" asked Ryan, who did not understand what she wanted from him.
The young woman peeked behind her shoulder and then brought her attention back to him.
"With Shane," she said.
Taken aback, he opened his mouth but no sound came out. What could he say anyway? He finally closed his mouth and turned on his heels, shaking his head. Jazz called for him once but let him go. He tried to join his office as soon as possible. In the end, he felt even worse than a few minutes ago. Unfortunately, he was stopped by Jen. She had not attended the revelation, unlike Jazz, and he was happy for that. He dared not imagine the reaction of his friend if she had.
"Hi, are you better?" she said, clearly worried.
"Yes, much better, don’t worry."
"I really flipped when I saw you running out of the office," she said, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder, "and Shane did not want to tell me what you had, on top of that,” she pouted.
"It was nothing, I just did not feel good but now it's okay."
Jen smiled at him, apparently reassured by his answer. She let him go back to his office.
When he sat down again, his coffee in his hand, Shane took the opportunity to address him.
"Are you okay?"
Shane had said that in a hesitant voice as his eyes searched for Ryan's. Ryan, however, looked down and just nodded. He put on his headphones, seeming to say that he did not want to be disturbed. He went to work, typing tirelessly on his keyboard: he had to finish his script for the next day. Do not think of anything else. He decided to take his lunch break earlier than normal. He was trying to convince himself that he was not doing all of that to avoid Shane. Without success.
He spent the rest of the day with his eyes firmly fixed on his screen. As soon as he finished his script for the next episode, he left the office without a word. He avoided Jazzmyne, who was waiting for him at the exit, and took care to speed up the pace when he heard Sara call him.
When he was finally safe in his apartment, he tried to unravel his thoughts. He was well aware that his attitude was by no means the best and that he was making things worse by avoiding Shane, yet he could not bring himself to talk to his colleague. He did not even know what he would say to him.
Finding himself in the Unsolved filming room was like an electroshock for Ryan. A sign that life continued and that it was not limited to soulmates. However, he remained somewhat reserved. They were going to start filming about fifteen minutes and his pulse kept increasing to the thought of talking to Shane as if nothing had happened. He was not even sure he could do it. But he had no choice, he had to do it for Unsolved. He suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder that made him jump.
"TJ?" he said, turning to his friend.
The man had a serious look on his face, which worried Ryan. Teej pulled away a little.
"How are you?" he said, crossing his arms.
"Well, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"
"Because of that," he said, pointing to Ryan’s soulmate's flower.
Ryan took a step back.
"Wh- What?"
"I know about you and Shane. I was worried so I asked Sara what happened, she figured I needed to know," he added, seeing Ryan's horrified look. "I saw you both yesterday and I especially saw how you avoided it. I hope you realize that you can not continue to avoid him indefinitely? "
"I know," Ryan sighed, passing a hand through his hair, "but I’m not able to talk to him. I can’t."
"Okay, but there you have no choice. In five minutes, you'll have to shoot an episode with him, and you'll have to talk to him. The rest doesn’t matter,” he said, sighing. He let a silence hover as he put his hand on his own soulmate flower: a pretty poppy that delicately wrapped around his wrist. "You know, Ryan, I'd be lying to you if I said I understood you because frankly, the day I met my soulmate was the most beautiful day in my life, so I have a hard time understanding why you’re not okay with Shane. But I can assure you that talking is the best way to get things straight between you. "
Ryan nodded. Of course, talking to Shane... it seemed so easy but it was actually so complicated for him. How could he express something that he himself could not understand? He shook his head and Devon called them to start filming. He sat next to Shane, who was already ready, and decided to push all his problems into a corner of his mind.
Surprisingly, the filming of the episode went marvelously well: he laughed as before (while he was talking about the case of Dupont de Ligonès, a really, really awful affair) and exchanged chit-chat as if all this soulmate story did not exist.
Ryan held out until he heard the "cut" signifying his deliverance. He jumped out of his chair and tried to flee as quickly as possible but he got violently grabbed by the wrist as he was going out of the room. He turned and faced Shane's icy gaze. The rest of the team, seeing that the atmosphere had suddenly cooled, decided to disappear without a word.
"Can you let me go?" Ryan said.
He wanted to slap himself after hearing his tiny voice. He really felt like a kid, facing the giant Shane. However, the pressure on his wrist disappeared and Shane's cold expression turned into something more fragile.
"I don’t understand, Ryan. Why are you avoiding me? Is it so horrible that I'm your soulmate?"
He looked so sad suddenly, like a kicked puppy. Ryan was caught off guard by this unexpected situation.
"No no! Not at all! " he hastened to answer.
"So why? Why do you act like that? "
"Because I don’t know what to do!"
They remained silent for a few moments. Ryan put his head in his hands.
"Because I do not know how I feel. I didn’t imagine that you could be my soulmate, I did not imagine that a man could be my soulmate! And- And jesus, how would you react if you realized that your best friend was your soulmate?! It’s hyper destabilizing! So there, I avoided you as a coward because I didn’t know what else to do! "
Ryan had almost shouted his last sentence, frowning, clearly pissed off at his own words.
"Listen, Shane. I wish it were so easy; soulmate flowers are supposed to make things simpler but I just feel like it makes everything complicated for me... and it wears me out."
He did not really dare look at his friend. He lowered his eyes. He could not stand this story, he would have liked for these damn flowers to never have existed.
"Ryan, if you don’t want a relationship between us, I understand but I ..." The taller seemed to be looking for the right words. "We do not have to break our friendship because of that, we could go for a drink and explain ourselves ..." he said, full of hope.
"I do not think that's a good idea. Sorry."
With those words, he left the room, leaving a Shane disoriented behind him. He was sick and tired of this soulmate story. A flower was certainly not going to decide his destiny.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Chapter 4 : Gold buttercup
“Ryan!”
The exclamation made him raise his head. He saw Kelsey coming towards him with that smile that ate three-quarters of her face. He had just left Shane alone in the filming room and he wasn’t sure if he was still able to talk to any of his colleagues. The blonde stopped in front of him.
“How are you?”
He shrugged. Because really, at that point, he didn’t know. Kelsey grabbed his arm and started to drag him behind her, talking about her taking part in the video instead of him and that he absolutely needed to see it. Shit. He didn’t think of the video at all with everything that had happened. If they asked Kelsey to take his place then he and Shane would be cut off the video. It was for the best. The last thing he wanted was for the whole world to be able to see the truth. Kelsey had him sit next to her on a couch and played the video on her laptop. He saw the discovery of Jen and Devin again. The second sequence was with Kelsey and Evan. The blonde showed the tiny gold buttercup on her ribs and Evan the bud lying in the crook of his knee.
“I didn’t know that you had met your soulmate,” he told his friend.
“Yeah, I don’t know who it is actually,” she said, shrugging, “but maybe my soulmate will see this video and contact me."
She was very optimistic, Ryan thought, but he said nothing. Finally, the third sequence was with Steven and Adam. He hadn’t see them since he had fled and in the end he had no news of his friend. He hoped it had gone well for him. On the video, Steven looked very stressed even though he was trying to hide it with laughter. But it didn’t go unnoticed by Adam.
“What’s up with you? Is it stressing you out?”
“What? No, it's okay, it's just that my flower is stupid, ah ah.”
The nervous laugh made Adam raise an eyebrow. He shrugged. They both stood up. Adam had to turn around since his flower was on his back.
“On three,” Steven said. “One, two, three.”
At the same time they raised their t-shirts. Adam showing the world a bud in the middle of his back and Steven showing the pinky alstroemeria present on his hip.
“Holy shit,” someone said behind the camera, followed by a muffled laugh.
Adam turned around to see what was causing this reaction and stared at Steven's flower with a neutral face.
“Huh,” he said, raising his eyebrows.
He did not look very surprised. He met Steven's eyes and they exchanged a smile. The video finished with a few sentences about what they had discovered today, but there were no other scenes of what Adam and Steven could have exchanged.
Ryan scrolled through the comments to see the reactions. Many messages talked about Steven's flower, of course. "Am I dreaming or is it the same flower as Andrew’s?? !!" "Omg! Andrew and Steven are soul mates, I knew it! " " I'm sure it's Fake, it's for the views ... " " We need to find a ship name like Standrew or Andreven !! "
Kelsey waited for his reaction, watching for any trace of surprise. She sighs.
“You knew.”
“Huh? What?”
“For Steven, did you know? You don’t look surprised.”
“Yes, I knew, he told me. Since when is the video online?”
“A few hours already.”
So Andrew had been able to see it since then, he hoped it would help Steven. He turned the computer over to Kelsey and told her he was going to get Steven, he had to talk to him, find out if everything was okay. His friend was kind of freaked out for that sort of thing and he could not imagine his current state.
He met Adam and asked him if he had not seen Steven. Unfortunately, he had not seen him since this morning. Ryan searched into the building, asking some people if they had seen Steven. Finally, he found him in a corner of a corridor, all alone and obviously not good.
“Steven!” He called when he saw his friend.
As he approached, he saw that the young man's eyes were red. He winced, things might not have gone well with Andrew.
“Ryan, hello ... I-”
His voice broke suddenly and his knees seemed to give way. By reflex, Ryan took him in his arms before he could fall to the ground. Big tears spread over Steven's cheeks. The ghost hunter hugged his friends, and he felt the distress emanate from him.
“Steven, what happened?” he asked softly.
He had no immediate answer. He waited for Steven to calm down to ask again.
“Andrew doesn’t want me,” Steven replied. “When he saw the video, he was next to me and when he saw my flower, he... he laughed. And he said it was funny, that must be why we got along so well. I thought... I thought maybe there was a chance and then... then he told me he was glad I was not trying to be with him and he was happy to be my friend and I... I don’t know. I broke down.”
He wiped the last treacherous tears running down his face.
“Sorry. Sorry,” he said, moving away from Ryan.
"No! Don’t apologize, it's not your fault.”
Ryan gave his friend time to calm down.
“And you, I have not heard from you for days,” Steven accused, “I was worried.”
“Yes, yes, I'm sorry. I panicked. At the same time, how could I have known that he was my soulmate?”
Steven made a funny face.
“What?”
“Well, I thought so a little bit.”
Ryan stood for a moment, his mouth wide open, his eyes like saucers. He tried to form a coherent sentence in his head but all he got out was a very high “What?!”.
“I dunno. You always talk about Shane and you get along really well despite your different opinions, you are tied by the hip. Seriously, Ryan, did you fall in love with him and it never occurred to you that he could be your soulmate?”
“I'm not in love with him,” Ryan said briskly.
“Whatever,” said Steven, rolling his eyes. “Have you spoken to him?”
With a sigh, Ryan told him everything that had happened since he ran away from the filming room. As he progressed in his story, Steven seemed more and more confused. He was silent for a moment when Ryan finished his story. Then he slapped him on the arm.
“Ow, why did you do that?”
“Are you stupid or what? You're doing exactly what Andrew did to me.”
“No, I-” Ryan was silent, realizing that Steven was right.
He was doing exactly the same thing, refusing possible feelings, not even trying. He acted like an asshole. He suddenly felt guilty. He hurt Shane, and all that for what? Because he could not think that his soulmate was a man? He felt so stupid right now. Steven gauged him with a disappointed look.
“Sorry,” he said, “I realize I'm stupid, you know, but it's complicated for me. I can’t see Shane as anything but a friend, my best friend.”
Steven shook his head even though he looked pissed. They were silent for a moment and suddenly Ryan looked up as if he had the best idea in the world.
“I'm going to see Andrew.”
“What? No!”
But it was too late, Ryan had already disappeared down the hall. Steven thought for a moment to catch him but let him go.
Ryan found Andrew quite easily because he was at his desk.
“Oh Ryan, do you know where Steven is? He disappeared and apparently you were looking for him-”
“We need to talk,” Ryan cut him off.
Andrew raised his eyebrows, surprised by Ryan's tone.
“Okay?”
“Not here.”
He made sign for Andrew to follow him. He stopped when he thought people would not hear them.
“Are you sure you’re okay, Ryan? You're weird lately.”
“Yes, thanks, I know,” he said, rolling his eyes “I want to talk about Steven.”
“Steven?” the other said, surprised.
“Yes, Steven, why are you reacting like that with him?”
“What do you mean by “like that”?”
“You act like he has no feelings, you immediately refuse the idea that you could be together. You did not even think he could love you,” Ryan grew irritated.
Andrew looked at him strangely and seemed to look for his words for a moment.
“I- Does he love me?”
Ryan was taken aback by the fragility in the blonde's voice. He nodded slowly, not sure it was up to him to admit it. He did not really understand the reaction of the other.
“Why are you surprised? You're soulmates!” Ryan said.
A small voice in his head told him he was hypocritical. He tried to silence it.
“Because he didn’t tell me anything! He saw my flower many times, he knew for a long time but he did not tell me anything. He did not try anything. So when I saw the video, when I saw my alstroemeria on him ... I thought ... I thought he didn’t tell me because he didn’t want me.”
Ryan gave him an disbelieving look. All this was just a misunderstanding. Both were idiots in love.
“Do you love Steven?”
“I do not know. Maybe not in the right way but it doesn’t mean that I do not want to try. I mean, he's my best friend and soulmate! It's the ideal!”
He smiled sadly. Maybe Andrew was right, maybe that was the ideal. When he saw the stars in the eyes of the blonde, he could not tell himself that it was not.
“Maybe you should go see him.”
“I would like to, but I do not know where he went.”
At the same time, a silvery tuft of hair caught Ryan's eye and he saw Steven a little further watching him with a worried look. He pointed at him to get Andrew's attention. The smile that appeared on his face was impressive. He left Ryan on the spot to join his soulmate, then taking him by the hand and dragged him away further. Ryan stood for a moment wondering what to do. He was confused now, even more than before. He didn’t know if he should believe Andrew's words or keep his distance from Shane.
A hand fell on his shoulder, making him jump. It was Kelsey, and he had the impression that there in his eyes were the same stars as in those of Andrew. She put her phone under his nose, showing a picture of an unknown man but he easily noticed the yellow spot on his hand. A goldy buttercup like Kelsey's. Exactly the same.
“I told you,” she said before making a small dance of joy.
Seeing Kelsey dancing to an imaginary tune, he felt a new desire grow in him: he wanted to feel that too. He needed to feel that.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Ryan tried his best to not run to Shane the all day. Even if he did, he wouldn't have found him. His research took the best part of his day and when it was time to go, everyone seemed to have already left. Ryan took his time to get his stuff, huming to himself. “Oh” he flinched. The tone of voice was unmistakable. He turn around, Shane was there, standing awkwardly. “I didn't realise you were still here.”He looked to the side, clearly avoiding his gaze.“Trying to avoid me ?” joked Ryan. Shane frowned and Ryan immeditely regretted what he said. He opened his mouth, ready to say sorry but didn't had the time. “Well after what you told me...”“Yeah I know,” sighed Ryan upset at himself “look, I–”“We shouldn't talk right ?” Shane cut him off. He went to his desk, packed his laptop. Ryan looked at him and swallow. It was hard for him to see Shane like that. All cold and moody. “Are you upset with me ?”“Why would I be ?” scoffed Shane, putting on his coat. “Good night.”Ryan extend his arm to grad Shane's elbow. “Hold on ! I'm sorry.”“And I don't care.” said Shane, pulling his arm out of Ryan's grasp.“Why do you have to be so difficult ?” muttered Ryan.It was the last straw that broke the camel back. Shane turn to his “friend”. “I'm the difficult one ? You've got to be kidding me. You're the one who refuse to talk things out and always take the difficult path instead of just... Go with the flow.”“It's not easy for me okay ! I plan things out. I research. I think a lot before making a single move. But all this was so unexpected. I know I didn't reacted correctly, I know I hurted you ! I'm sorry ! Because, jesus fucking christ, Shane ! I do love you ! I'm not heartless, I'm just completely stupid and stubborn and and... I don't know dude, I was scared, it's not a good excuse, it's not even an excuse. I don't want to hurt you anymore but I just don't know how to fix things up.”They both stood there, Ryan out of breath, Shane holding his. “Well, you just did a pretty good job.” he finally said.“Huh ?”Ryan seemed so lost it made Shane burst in laughter. “Do you – Ah ah, do you really not realise what you just said ?”“That I'm a total and utter fuck up ?”“Huh yeah, no, the tiny part when you said you –”“Love you.” Ryan realised.“Mmh.”“Oh my god, I really love you Shane.”“I don't know if you're trying to convince me or yourself.”“Oh for fuck – Shane can you stop with the sarcasm for a second. You're unbeliev –”“I love you too.”“Oh.”“Oh ?”“Okay.”“Okay ?! Haha, you're the one who's unbelievable.”They looked at each other. “So huh, what do you think of a proper date ?”asked Ryan with a small smile.