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Shiro please!!
You're my brother!
I love you!!
I wake up with a gasp of air entering my lungs as the realization of the reality of my situation hits my chest. My chest heaves up and down as I rack my mind over three phrases I can't get out of my head.
My dreams have been filled with scenes from the fight between Keith and Kuron. Whenever Kuron strikes it feels like a stab to the heart. I scream so hard for him to stop, for him to leave Keith alone. I would scream until my lungs lost all function. But I couldn't do anything. What can you do when you're dead?
I let air flood in and out of my lungs carefully as my vision clears and adjusts to the darkness. Currently, since the castle is no more, Keith and I have been sleeping in Black. She doesn't mind me staying. I can sense though that it's only because Keith cares so much about me. If he didn't, I'd probably still be in the astral plane. The force of that thought burrows through my chest. I had plenty of time to come to terms with the fact that I died. I had months of time to do so. But the fact that if Keith and I never shared the bond we did, I would still be dead, isn't something that when you feel the way I do, is easy to cope with.
I look around and see Keith asleep on the floor across from me in a slouched position. As if he'd been keeping watch over me all night. I sigh and stand up, knowing the weight of my thoughts would scare sleep away for a good long while.
The floor of Black never was too familiar to me, even when I was her paladin. But now, sleeping on it, it's become almost like a friend.
I gesture for Black to let me wander outside. But she doesn't budge.
'Come on Black! Please, I need fresh air!' I think.
'No. My paladin cares too much for your safety. You will not exit without his permission.' She retorts calmly. I growl and turn away from the exit, walking over to Black's cockpit.
I stare out the glass that functions as Black's eyes with wonder, asking whether this second chance at life will be worth living? If I can't be of much help to Voltron and I'm just pulling Keith down, how am I supposed to be expected to stay?
Suddenly I hear a rustling by the wall. I jerk my head towards the noise and see Keith slowly waking up.
"Shiro? What are you doing up? Black won't leave my thoughts alone about you trying to leave. What's going on?" He asks tiredly. I regret my choices immediately.
“Keith I’m sorry I just wanted some air. The reality of everything that happened is just...catching up to me.” I eventually conclude. It’s not too unbelievable, right?
“Oh...really? I...We can talk if you want…” He trails off. His voice sounds desperate, like he’s worried something’s going to happen.
“It...It’s okay Keith…’ I say after a moment of unnerving silence. ‘I don’t want you to lose sleep…” I finish. He looks down.
“Shiro...I...Do you remember anything? Like… what he remembers?” Keith asks. I’m slightly taken aback when he finishes his statement. I know who he’s talking about. I just… didn’t think we’d be talking about him so soon.
“What do you mean?” I ask anyways.
“I...I mean like do you remember, anything unusual? Does any memory stand out to you? Do you have any of his memories?” He asks again, putting emphasis on the last any. I look away for a moment, trying to process what i’m supposed to even say. Yes? The time I almost killed you? When you openly confessed your love for me? When you also said I was your brother? It all comes crashing down in my chest as a ball of anxiety, trying to claw its way out little by little.
“Um...well...I did receive some of his memories. But most are fuzzy…” I trail off, trying to reword my sentences. The one memory that stands out is when I almost killed you? Is that really going to benefit anyone? Especially with him taking my place as the leader?
“Shiro? Are you...Hiding something from me?” I hear Keith ask softly. I feel my eyes expand in shock and my gaze shifts towards him.
“N-No Keith...I-I’m not h-hiding anything f-f-from you…” I say, silently cursing myself for becoming a stuttering mess.
“Shiro, please don’t lie to me. I’m here, you can talk to me-” He starts. I shake my head in frustration. And without thinking I snap.
“Well this is something I need to process on my own!” I retort, immediately regretting it and covering my mouth with the one hand I had. Keith looks at me, deeply hurt. Goddammit…
Keith looks like he wants to snap back. I brace myself mentally for a smack talk, until it never comes. I hear sniffling instead of growling and I hear sad,broken, and muttered words instead of bold and shouted confident ones. “W-well… If y-you want to process it alone… p-please… go stay with Pidge, s-she’s more analytical th-than me. S-she’ll be the b-best person t-to t-talk t-to if you w-want those kinds of a-answers…” He mutters, holding his left arm close with his right hand, his grip physically looking like one from death. I feel regret and guilt wash over me in a tidal wave, almost knocking me over.
“Keith… I didn’t mean it like tha-” I try to backtrack, only to hear those same saddened words.
“S-Shiro! Please! If you didn’t want me around you should have just said so… Even after everything… I guess I’m still just a kid...heh” He finishes, with a voice crack that breaks me even further. He finishes his rant by ordering Black to open her jaw and let me out. “Go Shiro… I know you want to…” He deadpans, reassuring me that right now, it would be wise for me to leave. So I do.
And I regret it so bad.
_______________________
I grunt as I lift my body back up to continue the fight, preparing myself mentally and physically for whatever that mysterious white robeast throws at us again. But that’s when I hear it.
“It’s been an honor to fly with you all.”
My brain scrambles to analyze what that could mean. My brain racks itself to find the meaning until out of my haze I realize what it means and I lift the Atlas up as far as I could. And then it all falls apart. I hear the explosion flood my senses, the fire’s all I can see, the roaring sound is all I can hear despite the panicked yelling of the rest of my crew, my brain fabricates the smell of the fires, and my mouth grows dry as I realize what Keith and the paladins just did. My eyes fill with tears and I can hardly see.
Then the world starts to shift as I watch each Lion fall from the sky. The trails of each color only make my senses further focus in on them. Then I see the black lion, Keith. I watch helplessly, with my heart banging against my chest, yelling at me for not doing something, as they fall from the sky and hit the Garrison hard, causing the earth to shake. Then it all clicks. Once the dust clears I shut off my control over the Atlas and I race down each level, desperate to get out. Even with the loud yells of concern of the rest of the crew, I could only hear the ringing in my head from the ear-splitting explosion.
Once I reach the hatch I yank the lever down with no hesitation. Then the hissing of the hatch began, barely breaking the ringing in my head. Once the hatch opened enough for me to slide out, I jumped, landing on my feet. The pain was little to nothing as the adrenaline coursing through my blood was overbearing, and the only focus I had was Keith. Nothing else matters, I think. No one else matters right now. My brain tells me as my feet carry me to the wreckage of the black lion. I jump over crushed and sharp metal and down a few landings until finally, I see it. I see the black lion’s mouth covered in pieces of rumble. I swiftly run towards it without caution. But to be honest, I’m doing all of this without caution. The only concern of mine was Keith. Only Keith.
Once I meet the mouth I start digging, turning over, and heaving large pieces of metal away from the only way I had to get to Keith. My breath was shallow. Slowly, my body gave in, the pain in my harms made their appearance, I could finally hear the shouts of concern from the crew on the Atlas, I could feel the thumping of my heart overworking itself to compensate for the extra pressure to get from one point to the next, and I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes rolling down my cheeks.
Please...Please…
Then I’m surrounded by the shouts of Iverson yelling at me to get away from the wreckage. “What did you think you were doing Shirogane?! This wreckage is more than likely radioactive and therefore dangerous for us to get this close to it. You need to get back-” he tries to talk me down. He grabs my arm to lead me away but I yank it out from him in a huff.
“No! I won’t let you take him away from me! I won’t leave him again!” I shout, shrinking away from his gaze and looking back down at the rubble that still suffocated the black lion’s snout. I sigh and lower my tone as I start tearing up. “I...I promised him… I promised that I*sniff* That i wouldn’t abandon him… That I would never give up on him… and i’m not going to start now.” I finish strongly, not as raspy as I was when I started. I raised my posture and held my hands on my sides in a bold position. Iverson stares at me for a brief moment then sighs, letting his head drop.
“Well, If you won’t leave him at least let me help you out so you don’t break yourself.” Iverson says, stepping forward and lifting pieces of debris off the crash site next to me. I don’t take even a second longer to watch him and then start digging again, scraping my hand up as I toss metal across the site. For what seemed like days, Iverson and I finally reached the lion’s mouth. As I was about to try and pry open the mouth when I hear the rustling of feet.
“Captain Shirogane! What should we do about the other lions and their paladins?!”
“Should we send out search parties?!”
“Should we recover them and their lions?!”
“What should we do about the survivors in other areas of the world?!”
The questions started to crowd and my focus started to drift. I looked to Iverson and he nodded. I sighed, turned around, and started addressing the crowd. “Hey! Everyone! One at a time! Please!” I below. Almost immediately the crowd softened into a whisper and a few murmurs. I let out a breath of relief and then continue. “Please, I understand the panic we all must be feeling. I know it’s unnerving that a family member or someone close could be trapped or lost. But we can’t let this situation kill our fire. Let’s all focus on one paladin at a time. I want there to be six recovery teams sent out to try and reclaim the lions from their crash sites. If you stay, give me a hand and grab a crowbar.” I finish. One of the other higher up’s salute me and start gathering a group of cadets. Then it spreads. Soon, after only three minutes we have our six teams. Some even have the civilians as extra help. Then I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and I see Griffin, Rizavi, Leifsdottir, and Kinkade are ready and Griffin is handing me a black crowbar.
“Let’s save the mullet.” He says with a grin. I smile back and take the crowbar from him, turning around and then we set to work, heaving and pulling at black’s jaw.
“It’s like it won’t open whatsoever!” Leifsdottir grimaces as she tries to pull the mouth back.
“Yeah! It’s like it’s completely shut down and the hatches are all sealed!” Griffin announces. I grunt and pull harder on the crowbar until I hear the scraping of metal against metal. I freeze.
“PULL HARDER!” I order. They immediately start pulling with more strength and the scraping starts to bring the metal mouth closer to opening.
“Come on! Come on!” Kinkade grunts as he pulls.
“Please...open for me black...I know I’m not you’re paladin...But I need to get to your paladin! Please…” I whisper in between grunts as I yank against black’s jaw. Then...I hear a grumble. I fall back for a moment and carefully listen. Then I hear a roar erupt from the black lion’s mouth and suddenly she stands up, obviously without much of her normal strength. She lets her head rest to the ground and she opens her jaw, letting me inside.
I rush into the blackness of her mouth and look around frantically, looking for a man in a red suit. I run through her corridor. I see her paladin chair and run toward it only to find no one. My heart starts to race with fear, wondering if he died like I had, sent into evaporation with little to no trace of him. I feel the tears building up again, cursing myself for letting this happen. Until I look behind the chair to the far wall. There he lay, limp against the wall and a large gash oozing blood down the side of his face. I quickly run to his side and cradle him in my arms.
“No, no! No Keith, baby, please! Please don’t leave me! It’s all going to be okay! You’re going to make it! Just hang in there! Please just don’t leave me…” I beg him as I cradle the paladin in my arms. All time seems to stop as I stare at the raven haired, half galra boy in my arms. I start to sob, crying over him, silently apologizing for what i’d said back when I’d remembered what he’d said during the battle. Half of me wanted to openly tell him how I felt, but the other half held back, because of what he had said before those three fated words. He had said “You’re my brother,” The I love you could still be brotherly and then what? I feel drastically different. I continue to sob, feeling the feeling in my legs leave me numb for anything. I couldn’t get up even if I tried.
Soon after paramedics filtered into the black lion and took Keith from my arms. It felt like a stake to the heart when he left the safety of my arms. It felt like I couldn’t do what I needed to do. Then a set of paramedics helped me up off the ground and into a makeshift ambulance with Keith. When I climbed in I immediately grabbed Keith’s hand. “Keith...Please...Fight…”
“I love you…”
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The last few weeks have been hectic. I've had numerous debriefings and many people have invaded the garrison wanting answers and journal topics that have taken up most of my time. But whenever I do I have time, I visit Keith. He still hasn't woken up. The doctors think that he won't wake up no matter what we try. But I think different. Since Krolia isn't legally a guardian or a person to contact for Keith's medical business they come to me. I keep telling them to keep him on life support, that he will wake up. They do as I ask but, even I can see the disbelief in their eyes.
Today I had the speech in front of the people. Eventually I had to clean up my act and stand in front of them all. I thought I would do terrible, due to the inactivity I’ve done with my voice since I’ve been with Keith most of the time. But I guess I did somewhat good because I was given a standing ovation as I walked off stage. As I walk It feels like time is inching slowly as I look up at the black lion. She seemed to know who I was thinking about and her eyes flashed at me. I look away after, still taking the guilt for all of this. As I walk off reporters swarmed me as per usual, that is until I see Iverson running toward me with worry in his eyes. I push through the crowd and walk up to Iverson.
“Commander Iverson, What’s wrong?” I ask. Iverson takes a moment to catch his breath before he speaks up again.
“Captain! Keith! He...He’s awake!” He exclaims. I freeze. Then I look back to Iverson. He nods. “You go, I’ll talk with the higher ups and I’ll put a word in for you. Go to your love.” He says. I smile and mouth a ‘thank you’ before I bolt off, racing into the medical wing. I race past nurses and doctors and past at least a dozen doors until I get to Keith’s and I swerve, stopping at the doorway. There he is. Sitting up and staring into the window with Kolivan and Krolia by his side.
“Keith…” I gasp. He looks my way and his face lights up.
“Shiro!” He calls. I quickly head over to his bed and wrap him in a tight embrace.
“You’re awake! You're actually awake! But I wasn’t here! I’m so sorry! I wanted to be here so badly!” I exclaim, letting Keith free from my embrace so he can breathe. He smiles up at me.
“It’s okay Shiro. Mom was here. Besides, you had that big speech, which you did so well…” He compliments.
“You saw it?” I ask. He nods.
“How could I not? It was broadcasted across the universe!” Keith says with a bit of enthusiasm. I smile.
“It kinda makes me glad.” He says. I hesitate.
“What do you mean?” I ask confused and utterly curious.
“It makes me glad. I’m happy that i’ve been able to save you so much that you were able to give that speech. To inspire millions. And I’d do it again.” He says with a smile. I feel tears fill my eyes. He’d almost die for me again? He’s already done it so much, Sendak, deep in space, here on earth in quarantine, when he was willing to fall through space with this body just because he had hope for me?
“Keith...Don’t you think people would miss you?” I ask. He shakes his head.
“I’m not too important. I don’t matter to the final goal. To be honest no one would care. And to be frank If i have a thousand lives I’d spend every one of them to save you.” He says finally. The tears building up in my eyes fall quickly. Keith flinches at the sight of my tears. I look down and bite my lip, trying to keep a loud sob from escaping. Keith lays a hand on my shoulder. “Shiro?” I lift his hand off and look back at him.
“You really think no one would care?! I care!! You think you don’t matter?! That it doesn’t matter?! It matters to me!! You matter to me!” I exclaim, holding a fist to my chest. Keith looks at me bewildered.
“Shiro, I...I just want to keep you safe. I’d die for you…” He starts. I shake my head and look back into his eyes, his violet eyes I’d die if they faded.
“Goddammit Kogane!” I shout. He winces and backs a bit. “You're always saving me! But has it ever occured to you that I just might do the same?! For you, heh, heck I’d put my life on the line just to keep you here with me!” I shout, letting my voice rage through the room. I let myself relax and then I look back over to Keith who’s crying now. “Keith… I love you too…” I mutter, but clear enough for Keith to hear. Keith’s eyes go wide.
“Shiro… you…” he began. I finally let the sob release from my throat. Keith wraps his arms around my hands and remove them from my face. “Shiro… why didn’t you say this before?” he asks sadly, with tears streaming down his cheeks.
“Keith, You said you’re my brother beforehand, I didn’t know what you meant, whether you loved me in a brotherly way or in the way I feel…” I trail. Keith wipes my tears from my cheeks and pulls me into a soft kiss. I feel my heart jump. Then I kiss back. It feels exactly how I wanted it to feel. His lips were soft and he tasted as I thought he would. Our lips dance as if no one was watching or listening. Keith’s hands reach up and wrap around my neck. I settle mine on the waist. Then I hear a grunt of approval from who I’m guessing is Krolia. I guess I’m doing right. But after I just kiss him a bit harder, until science butts in. We break apart to take a breath and we stare at each other, the we burst into laughter. Leave it to us two dorks to laugh after our first kiss.
“Shiro… I-” He started. I stopped him. I grab his pale hands gently. I kiss his scar and say
“Call me Takashi.”