Archive of Our Own

Work Text

Disrupting the Status Quo

Part 1 - Who Matt Talks to When He’s Troubled

"There's this guy…" Matt said.

He was lying on a bed in his childhood home, as his mom was doing laundry
nearby. He didn't offer to help - he knew from experience that his mom
needed something to do with her hands. If she didn't have laundry to fold,
she'd be rearranging the shelves or organizing the drawers.

"Of course, there's a guy," Sarah Farrell chuckled. "Do you ever come home
for any other reason?"

"Hey, I… Thanksgiving. Um, Dad's birthday."

"It's okay," she said. "So there's a guy."

"I really like him."

"That's what you said about the last guy."

"I mean I really like him."

"Same as before."

"This is different," Matt protested.

Sarah smiled but didn't respond. Matt realized that he'd probably sounded
the same about every guy he'd ever talked to her about. But he needed to
make her understand that this was different.

"He's, um, not my usual type."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, he's…" Matt decided to get the hard one out of the way first.
"He's… Dad's age."

Sarah blinked. "What?"

"Yeah, he's an older guy. But not old, he's, like, in his prime. Really
fit."

"An older guy."

"He's also kind of…late to the party. He's just starting to realize
that maybe he's maybe gay."

"Maybe?"

Matt grinned in memory. "Definitely. At least really into guy sex now."

"What's this, a mid-life crisis?"

"I don't know. He said that… recent experiences have made him rethink
his life and relationships."

"Okay… How did you meet him?"

Matt skipped that question for the moment. "He's got this amazing body,
better than most guys my age. He's a cop, you know how I'm into cops."

Sarah rolled her eyes and didn't mention the 'Hot Cops' posters Matt had in
his bedroom as a teenager.

"He's bald, which is weird, but somehow sexy on him. And he's really
intense. And funny."

Sarah froze, staring at him. "Wait, you're not talking about… John
McClane, are you?"

"Um… yeah."

"After he got you shot?" she snapped. "And almost killed? And in trouble
with the FBI again?"

"He didn't get me shot," Matt protested. "It was the bad guys. He saved my
life a bunch of times."

"Because he put you in danger!"

Matt sat up and folded his arms. "He didn't put that bomb under my desk. If
he hadn't had been there, that would have been it."

Grimacing, Sarah looked down at her laundry. "I know. I try not to think
about it."

Matt shook his head. "Sorry. I try not to think about it, too. Then
circumstances just… carried us on. We lived and the bad guys didn't.
Win-win." Matt knew that there had been moments when he could have gotten
out of it, like staying at Warlock's house when John headed to what ended
up being the final showdown, but he hadn't and it had worked out. Not
questioning that fact was very important to his mental health.

Matt continued, "But he's, he's one of the good guys, really. We love just
hanging out and chatting."

Sarah eyed him. "Chatting. Detective McClane didn't seem like the chatting
type."

"We, uh, well, I uh…"

"Out with it."

"I kind of put a tracker on his computer, where I watched what he was
doing."

"You what? Matt, you know that's illegal."

"And a serious invasion of privacy, I know. I didn't mean for it to turn
out that way. It was supposed to just be for text support. Then one day I
see he's logged into a chat room for gays and I just about died."

Sarah gave him a stern look. "Why do I get the feeling you snuck around and
pretended to be someone else to talk to him?"

Matt flushed. "Because I snuck around and pretended to be someone else to
talk to him."

"Of course."

"We chatted for weeks, just really hit it off. He has the most wicked sense
of humor."

"You didn't do, like… sexual talk?"

"Not for weeks. Then one day I couldn't stand it anymore and asked if he'd
every thought about acting on his newly discovered gay impulses and I'd
love to help him out."

"And he said yes?"

"No, then he asked how old I really was and when I told him, he shut me
down."

Her eyebrows rose. "Good for him."

"Then he came back on the next day and asked why I'd been jerking him
around."

"And?"

"And I said that I really liked him and wanted to meet him. And there might
have been some sex talk then."

"But you still didn't tell him who you were."

"No… I thought it would be easier in person."

"Was it?"

Matt shrugged. "He was royally pissed. Thought I was trying to blackmail
him. Or at least making a big prank."

"I can understand that."

"Then he fucked me. Right there in the parking lot."

"What?"

"Out of sight, against a building. I told you he was intense."

"I am not liking this, Matthew," Sarah said grimly. "Just because you
always wanted to date a cop doesn't mean you should let this guy do
whatever. Even if he did save your life 'a bunch of times.'"

"It's not like that!" Matt protested.

"Sure sounds like it."

"He's just… Well, we kind of met up with the plan to have sex, and
once he realized that he knew me, I think he felt, well, safer with me. And
I made it clear that I really wanted to have sex with him."

"But against a building? In public?"

"It was mostly private. We were both pretty… eager."

"Ugh. You do realize that's illegal. And with your record you have to-"

"'Be Extra Careful,'" Matt completed with her. "I know, I know, it just
happened."

"Like that whole 'getting shot' just happened. I don't think this McClane
person is good for you."

"He is!" Matt said.

"Convince me," Sarah said, like she had so many times in Matt's life. It's
what you got when you had a lawyer for a mom.

"Ok," Matt said, taking a deep breath. "He makes me feel safe."

"Any cop would for you."

"No, he saved my life and saved the world. He's a hero."

"Then give him a medal, not sex."

"He's funny and smarter than he looks and sexy. He's super tough but only
on bad guys. Though he did think I was a bad guy for a while when we met.
But he still protected me from getting killed. We have this trust that I
think only comes from having a life-or-death experience together."

"Still not sounding like someone you need to have a relationship with."

"The sex is incredible, mind-blowing, too. That counts for something."

"Something. Not everything."

"We're just getting started on the whole 'relationship' thing. We like
going to baseball games and just hanging out."

"Chatting," Sarah said in a disbelieving voice.

"Yes, chatting! He's old-school New Yorker. We have fun!"

"'Old' being the relevant word."

"Don't you tell me that 'age is a state of mind?'"

Sarah gave him a dirty look. "Not when it comes to who my kids are dating.
Would you be comfortable if your sister were dating a man your father's
age?"

"No," Matt admitted. "I'd think he was an old lecher. But I came on to
John, not the other way around. I pursued him."

"Because he fits a teenage fantasy."

"Yes! And a ton more! And why can't I go after a teenage fantasy? If
Michelle wanted to date Johnny Depp or Leonardo DiCaprio, wouldn't you say
ok?"

"Not until I'd met them."

"Then meet him! John, I mean!"

Sarah's eyes widened. "You want me to meet him? That's new."

Matt opened his mouth, shut it again, then shrugged. "I like him."

"You've made that clear."

There was silence for a moment while Sarah put clothes in drawers and they
both thought about Matt bringing John to meet his parents. It was hard for
Matt to even picture. He and John had only been 'together' for less than
two months. And John wasn't exactly a 'charm the parents' type. But Matt
did like him. A lot.

Finally, Sarah said, "Okay, so, beyond all the problems that I
have about the situation… What's the problem that you have?"

"What makes you think there's a problem?"

She gave him a knowing smile. "You don't drive all the way out to
Morristown to talk if there wasn't a problem."

Matt groaned and flopped back down on the bed. His mom never let anything
get past her. He stared at the ceiling while he thought about that past two
months. After that incredible sex-up-against-a-building and the sex in a
Yankee Stadium storage closet a few days after that, John had challenged,
maybe accidently, to get Matt to convince John to have sex the next time still not in a bed. At first the 'challenge' had been fun, but it
turned out both of them were very stubborn. After a too-long week, Matt had
decided that he'd rather be have sex in a bed then wait any longer, so he'd
gone to John's apartment to make John dinner and offer himself up as
dessert. He'd planned on taking it to the bedroom, but John
had…taken exception to the anal plug that Matt had been wearing to
prep himself for hopeful future fucking. John had yanked the plug out and
taken Matt - with prejudice - over the kitchen table in what had to be the
most singularly intense and fantasy-fulfilling sex of Matt's life.

When Matt had finally reassembled a few brain cells, he'd realized how
naïve John was about gay sex. John had taken him bareback, after just
Matt's word he didn't have any STDs. John had been a monogamous hetero for
most of his life and he didn't realize the danger he was putting himself in
fucking Matt without protection. Fortunately, Matt was well aware of the
danger and had always taken precautions. It made Matt feel strange, being
put in the position of protecting John when John had protected him from the
moment they met. That barebacking had broken things open for them, though,
and they hadn't used condoms since. There'd been a lot of cum-swapping
after that. Though to be fair, they'd dabbled in that already in the Yankee
Stadium storage room. Matt had swallowed John's cum, and John had even
swiped a finger-lick of Matt's. Matt should have realized at the time that
he needed to educate John on STDs. He'd just been too busy getting his mind
blown by a simple handjob and ass-fingering.

"Is he…rough with you?" Matt's mom asked when the silence had gone
for a while.

"No! I mean, yes, but no."

"Clarify!" Sarah snapped.

"God, mom," Matt said. "Sometimes the sex is pretty intense, but he never
hurts me or does anything I don't want. Okay, once in a while he does hurt
me but it's on accident, and he always does better the next time."

Sarah looked angry and Matt waved his hands in negative.

"You've got to understand that he's got zero gay sex experience except with
me. Zero. Sometimes he doesn't know something hurts." Matt gave
her a wry smile. "The first time he was about to fuck me, I had to stop him
and remind him that assholes aren't self-lubricating."

She eyed him skeptically. "Even I know that."

"Yeah, well, in the heat of the moment, he didn't. So yeah, sometimes
things hurt, but then I say 'ouch' and he stops and does better."

"Okay…"

Matt added mischievously, "One thing he does know is exactly how to work
handcuffs."

Sarah rolled her eyes and picked up a pile of towels to put away. "Of
course, you had him get out the handcuffs. You had half a dozen pairs in
your bedroom to go with your Hot Cops posters. You probably roleplay
getting arrested. If there's a gun involved somewhere, I don't want to know
about it."

"No gun," Matt said sadly. "John said 'fuck no.'"

"Good." She took the towels into the nearby bathroom and began to hang them
up. "Still waiting to hear what the problem is, Matthew."

Matt rubbed his nose. They had role-played
Rough-Cop-and-Sexy-Criminal, but it hadn't been as fun as Matt had hoped.
John was obviously uncomfortable pretending to be what he saw as a 'bad
cop.' They had more fun just being themselves - cop and
made-bad-choices-but-not-really-a-criminal.

So the last two months had been fun, but there had been something hanging
over them, something that John had just mentioned once and never returned
to. Right after John had fucked him over the kitchen table, when Matt was
still gloating over the fact that he'd won their 'no-bed challenge', John
had said a few things that sent Matt into a spin. First, John had said that
Matt was the only person that he was interested in fucking. Then, he'd said
that next time he wanted Matt to fuck him. Matt still remembered the
thunking sound as he walked - in shock - into the fridge door.

"Matt, I'm out of laundry," Sarah said. "You going to get to the point
before I have to start alphabetizing the book shelf?"

Matt looked over at the shelf. "It's not alphabetized already?"

"Matthew…"

Matt sighed, then said, "He wants me to fuck him."

Sarah turned her head to the side and fixed him with one eye. " That's the problem?"

"Yeah…"

"And it's a problem because you're…a bottom?"

Matt flushed. It was one thing to talk about gay sex with his mom, it was
another to have her know the terminology. "Well, I mean, yea, kinda."

"Kinda?"

"C'mon mom, take a look at me. If there was a magazine called 'Bottoms
Quarterly', they'd probably be calling me up to be their cover boy. There
isn't a man who didn't size me up in one second and ask me to bend over."

"And you're okay with that?" she snapped. "Sounds like you're letting other
men push you around."

"I know it does, but… I like being fucked. I mean, I really really like it."

"So you've never topped?"

"I have. A few times when I was… younger."

"You mean when you were a teenager and thought I didn't notice what you and
Jonny Pham were up to."

Matt blushed. He'd thought he'd been discreet. He should have known his mom
saw everything. "Yeah."

"You didn't like it?"

He shrugged. "I mean it was okay, it was good. But we didn't really know
what we were doing. And Jonny definitely preferred topping."

"So what's the problem with doing it with your new guy? As you reminded me
several times, he has zero experience to compare it to."

"Yeah, but I've set myself up as this experienced cosmopolitan guy who's
going to guide John through this new world of gay sex. He's been following
my lead from day one."

Sarah sat down on the bed next to Matt. "You're afraid he's going to be
disappointed in you?"

"I know he's going to be disappointed. What we've done so far has
been so good, and I have real skills that I can transfer. With this, I've
got nothing. What if it's really bad?"

She put her hand on his arm. "You're worried your relationship is all about
the sex."

Matt grimaced. "Yeah, and I really…"

Sarah chorused with him, "Like him."

"Yeah…"

She squeezed his arm and asked, "Wouldn't you want to know if it's all
about the sex? Before you get too involved and get hurt even more?"

"No," Matt snapped. "I want to keep having amazing sex and never find out."

"Really?" Sarah asked. "Doesn't sound like it."

Matt glared stubbornly up at the ceiling.

Sarah continued, "And I'm not sure that this McClane wants that either. It
sounds like he was asking to expand your relationship."

"Or he just wanted more sex and thought I was the expert on this part too."

"Perhaps. But you won't know until you talk to him about it."

"Ugh. That is not a conversation I want to have."

She shook her head. "Except with your mom."

"You have to like me regardless. It's in the job description."

"I've had to check that job description many times over the years. Turns
out the contract is iron-clad."

Matt chuckled weakly.

"So, what are you going to do about it, honey?"

"I don't know," Matt grumbled. "I just don't want to mess this up."

"Wow," Sarah said with an understanding smile. "I think you must really
like this guy."

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Part 2 - When John Finds Something's Wrong

John knew from the moment that Matt arrived at John's apartment that
something had changed. John didn't know what it was, but he was sure that
he'd messed up somewhere - he always did.

John sighed. Things had been going so well with Matt. They were
surprisingly compatible, both in sex and in day-to-day life. They went to
ball games, watched movies, explored new restaurants. Matt tried to upgrade
John's computer some more and John tried to bring clarity to Matt's
favorite conspiracy theories. They even worked out at the gym together,
though they had to alternate between Matt's 'boutique' one and John's real
one. He found out that Matt's new place was fairly close by, as New York
went, so they saw each other most nights. John would have figured by now
that they'd have gotten sick of each other, but it hadn't happened yet.

Didn't hurt that the sex was incredible every single time.

John took the beer that Matt offered him and sipped it while looking at
Matt. Maybe Matt's hero fetish or daddy-kink or whatever was finally
wearing off.

That idea hurt even more than John expected.

He really liked the kid.

Matt sat down on the couch next to him, holding his own beer but not
drinking it or looking at John.

John bit back another sigh. Just yesterday he'd gone back to that chat room
for older gay guys where Matt had anonymously started chatting with him.
John had told the chat room that he'd hooked up with a gay friend and was
'exploring things' and it was going really well. He could have elaborated
and said that realizing he was bisexual at his age hadn't rocked his world
as much as he would have expected, and he was starting to get okay with the
idea, with the help of his friend. He could have even said in the chat room
that he was happy.

A day too soon.

He flexed his fingers around his beer can and wondered if his new
understanding about himself extended to being able to talk about his
feelings like people always said he couldn't.

Guess it was time to see.

"Hey, Matt, something up?"

Matt flinched. "Up? What would be up?"

"I don't know. You seem kinda…tense."

"Just need more beer," Matt said with a high laugh and took a big swallow
of his beer.

That started him coughing and choking and it was a full minute before he
could talk again. John watched him wipe his eyes then he tried the talking
thing again.

"Did something happen?"

"Uh, no."

"Did I…do something?"

"No, no. You didn't, or I didn't, really, more to the point. Or haven't, as
the case may be."

John squinted at him. "What?"

Matt waved his hand. "Nothing, never mind."

John gave up for the moment and turned the TV on to the ballgame they'd
been planning on watching. Matt stared at the game morosely, in
uncharacteristic silence. Shaking his head, John got up to go cook a couple
of steaks he had prepped for tonight.

As John watched the steaks cook, he remembered something that had happened
right after the second time they'd had sex, in the Yankee's stadium storage
closet. John had been enjoying the afterglow but Matt had gotten anxious.
He'd begged John for a promise that John wouldn't vanish on him, wouldn't
disappear. John had readily promised that he would never abandon Matt, not
after everything they'd been through together. Matt had relaxed instantly
at John's promise and the rest of the evening had been great. Was Matt now
worried that John was going to vanish on him? What gave him that idea?

John finished cooking the steaks, done just the way they both liked them,
and grabbed a bag of salad from the fridge. He took the food and plates out
to the living room. Matt was still staring at, but not watching, the TV.
John brought out silverware and set up TV trays.

Matt mumbled his thanks.

John asked some questions about the game and Matt was able to answer enough
for them to get through the next inning and their dinner.

Finally, John cleaned up. Matt was still unusually quiet and unresponsive.
When John returned from the kitchen and sat on the couch, he held out his
arm, hoping that Matt would come over.

Instead, Matt slid to the floor and positioned himself between John's
knees. He began unzipping John's fly.

John's cock, knowing how good Matt's mouth felt, instantly woke up. But
John put his hand on Matt's to stop him unzipping.

"Hey," John said and Matt looked up, almost guiltily. "You know I like
that. But something's wrong."

Matt gave a one-shouldered shrug and leaned his head against John's inner
thigh.

"Talk to me, Matt."

When Matt still didn't reply, John nodded. "You've found somebody else.
Somebody younger. Was bound to happen."

Matt stared at him. "What? No!"

"Then what? You got tired of hanging out with an old guy?"

"Don't call yourself old," Matt said. "You're not old."

"Okay, then I said or did something stupid, forgot some anniversary or
something."

"God, I'm not your wife!"

John grimaced and began to push Matt away.

Matt said quickly, "That sounded really bad. I just meant that you don't
have to fight that old argument with me because it's not with me, and I
don't care about anniversaries, though God knows I have my own relationship
baggage. Though maybe if I had a little more relationship baggage
in this particular area it would be a good thing."

John stopped pushing Matt away and frowned down at him. At least Matt was
talking, though he wasn't making any sense. "What area? Anniversaries?"

"Uh, no. But usually it's the other guy getting tired of hanging out with
me. We've been…hanging out for two months now, and we've already hit
the median length of all of my relationships, meaning half of them were
more than this length and half below, though calling something a
'relationship' if it only lasts a few weeks might say more about me than
I'd like."

"You looking for commitment from me?"

"No, ah, I mean…"

"'Cause I can do that."

Matt beamed up at him, the first real smile that John had seen tonight.
"You already did, remember?"

"Did what?"

"In the closet at Yankee Stadium. You promised that you won't disappear on
me or abandon me." Matt's smile faded. "Unless you didn't mean-"

"I meant it kid, I meant it. Still do."

"Good!" Matt lay his head against John's thigh again. "Though maybe this
will change your mind."

"This?"

Matt waited for a moment before responding. "I went to Morristown
yesterday."

"Morristown… Wait, that's where your parents live, right?"

"Yeah."

"They okay?"

"Oh sure, yeah. Dad's taken his grad students north to study the sites of
the Battle of Quebec."

"The what?"

"Revolutionary War stuff. I could go into great detail if you care, been
talked at me since I was a baby."

"Um, no."

"I went to talk with mom anyway. She's always been the one that helps me
figure stuff out." He gave a dry chuckle. "Hones your skills when you talk
to a lawyer."

John stared at him. "You needed to talk to a lawyer? Are you in trouble? Do
I need to-"

"No, no, no, man. Just my mom. She's like my own…" Matt made the face
he always did when he was trying to come up with a 'relevant example that
John might recognize'. "Dr. Joyce Brothers?"

"Dr. Joyce Brothers?" John asked. "You needed relationship advice?"

"Maybe Dr. Ruth might be a better example."

"Dr. Ruth. Sex advice." John shook his head. "Matt, when do you need sex
advice? We have no problem in that area."

Matt sighed and leaned against John's thigh again. "Of course, you would
think that. That's the problem."

John stared at him in horror. He knew it, he knew that he'd been hurting
Matt and Matt hadn't told him. "I told you that you could tell me when I
hurt you, dammit."

Matt blinked. "What? No, you don't hurt me." He attempted a smile. "At
least any more than I want you to."

John frowned. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You don't hurt me!" Matt said in an exasperated voice. "Seriously!"

Matt seemed sincere. John was at a complete loss. "Then…."

Matt looked away from his eyes. He rubbed his thumb against the seam of
John's thigh. John's body decided that was arousing too. John forced
himself to focus back on Matt.

Finally, Matt said, "Remember a couple of months ago, just after our first
time, no after our second time at the Yankee Stadium."

John had to smile. Remembering that didn't help his body calm down. "Yeah,
I remember Yankee Stadium. Can't believe I was so stupid, but I'd do it
again."

"I mean the time after that, remember how we had that dumb challenge about
whether we'd have sex the next time in a bed?"

"Yes," John said wryly. "I remember that I hadn't intended on making it a
challenge but it turned out that way."

"Well remember when we…settled the challenge?"

John grunted and looked away from Matt. His feelings on that memory were
much more complicated. The sex had been incredible, yes, but he'd been out
of control. He'd come home to find Matt cooking dinner, naked except an
apron. John had seen that Matt had a butt plug and jumped to all sorts of
wrong conclusions. He'd thought that Matt was fucking himself with a fake
dick to goad him, or something, and he'd lost his mind. John had yanked out
the plug, thrown Matt over the kitchen table, then fucked him like a
jackhammer. It had been the first time they went without condoms, something
Matt told him he was a naïve idiot for afterwards, but it had felt
like heaven in the moment. Or Hell. It was muddled in John's memory with
heat and embarrassment and jealousy.

John had never experienced white-out lust before Matt. It was fueled by
Matt's words, his eagerness, his erotic noises, his brazen desire. There
had been moments in John's life when he'd done bat-shit crazy things,
running on adrenaline and desperation, things that he looked back and
couldn't believe he'd done. But never in his wildest dreams had he imagined
that he would fuck a man against a wall outside a bar, and never even hesitate.

Matt brought out something in John that he didn't know existed outside
those few wild episodes where he was John-Goddamn-Hero-McClane. It was why
John was so afraid that he hurt Matt sometimes. All of the usual
restrictions and boundaries on his behavior vanished in a puff of smoke
when Matt looked at him with those big eyes.

But now Matt was looking at him unhappily. Were Matt's thoughts about that
kitchen table fuck as complicated?

"Yeah, I remember it," John said. He patted the couch next to him. "Come up
here."

Matt slowly came out from between John's legs and pulled himself up onto
the couch.

Matt asked, "Do you remember what you said afterwards?"

"Um, 'I'm sorry'?"

"What?"

John got a sinking feeling. "I should have said, 'I'm sorry' but I didn't?"

"What are you talking about? Why would you say you were sorry? I really
hope you weren't sorry." Matt said. "It was like in my best Top Ten ever
quickies. No, Top Three. Top One, maybe. Yeah. I still get hard just
remembering it."

John was relieved. And confused. "But…"

"Don't you remember what you said afterwards?"

John frowned thoughtfully. "You told me that I was naïve and ignorant
because I believed you when you said you didn't have any STDs."

"And you were naïve and ignorant," Matt said. "Even if I don't have
any STDs. But after that?"

Trying to ignore his embarrassment and picture the conversation, John
remembered something else. "I said that you were the only one I wanted to
fuck." Was that what this was about? Matt felt pushed into a commitment?
But just a minute ago, Matt had reminded him that he was happy John had
promised never to vanish.

"Yeah, that was nice," Matt said. "But after that? Just before
I…walked into the fridge?"

John shook his head.

"You, uh," Matt cleared his throat. "You said you wanted me to fuck you."

"Oh, yeah," John said. He remembered thinking about that, in the early
days, but since Matt hadn't taken him up on his offer, John figured it was
some boundary that he'd unknowingly crossed. He'd learned later that guys
generally only did one side of a fuck or the other, and he loved to fuck
Matt, so he must be on that side.

"I…" Matt said. "I…"

"Hey, if you don't want to, you don't have to."

"I want to!" Matt said loudly. Then he looked surprised. "I want to? Yeah,
wow, I do want to."

John felt a flush of arousal. He'd wanted to know what it felt like. Matt
certainly enjoyed it. "Then what's the problem?"

"I just, uh…."

John rolled his eyes. "Spit it out!"

In a rush, Matt said, "I've only done it a few times and it was a long time
ago and I don't know if I'll be any good at it!"

John pulled his head back, blinking. That was not anything he'd expected.

"Yeah," Matt said glumly. "I said I could teach you everything about guy
sex, and I set myself as some sort of expert and I'm really only an expert
on one side of things."

"Oh."

Matt groaned and slumped back against the couch. "I knew you would be
disappointed."

John looked at Matt thoughtfully. "No, I'm not."

"So disappointed. I'm supposed to be this young hip guy helping you explore
your new identity and I can't even do this."

"It's okay, I even-"

Matt put his hand over his eyes. "I'm a fraud, a total fraud, and you
probably don't even want to see me again."

"Whoa, whoa, Matt!"

"Whaat?" Matt moaned.

"Just take a breath!" John shook his head. "God, kid, I'm not
disappointed!"

Matt shifted one hand to peek out an eye. "You're not?"

"No." John shrugged. "It's actually nice. We can explore it together."

"Explore…it…together," Matt echoed slowly.

"Yeah."

"But what if, what if it's terrible?"

"We just go back to other stuff."

Matt lowered his other hand. "Really?"

"Really," John grinned. He reached towards Matt. "How about right now?"

"Oh." Matt said, his eyes round. Then he blinked and shook his head. "No,
um, you need some prep. I do know things from the other side, and
especially the first time you need to be ready."

John raised his eyebrows. "Ready?"

"Yeah, like… have you taken a dump today?"

It took John a second then he flushed. "No."

"You'll want to do that, then have some recovery time. Otherwise, things
could be really messy."

"Do you…?"

Matt smiled cheerfully at him, mood completely changed. "Every morning.
Just in case."

"Just in case," John said with a wry smile. "Even that first time?"

"Especially before I met you in the bar that first time. I figured I'd
either get fucked, or you'd beat the shit out of me. So one way or the
other…"

John rolled his eyes at the joke and pulled on Matt's shirt. "C'mere."

Matt came eagerly into his arms and John gave him the kiss 'hello' that he
hadn't been able to earlier. Matt relaxed into his embrace, kissing him
back just as warmly. John had gotten used to that scruff on Matt's face
that he called a goatee. It had been weird when he first kissed him, but
John kinda liked the way it felt now.

After a long moment of lips and tongues growing increasingly urgent, John
said, "Bedroom."

"Mm-hmm," Matt said, unbuttoning John's shirt.

"Bedroom!"

Matt lifted his head and chuckled at this reminder of their old challenge.
John would have to rethink that kitchen table fuck in the light of Matt
considering it his 'Top One ever quickie,' but right now he wanted new
memories.

Soon they were naked and in bed, rolling around in a familiar but never old
wrestling match. John never tired of Matt's flexible young body and his
eager touch. Matt got on top and kissed John deeply before kissing John's
neck while his fingers kneaded John's shoulders. He rubbed his smooth body
against John's scarred and hairy one. Matt's lips moved back up to John's.
John slid his hands up and down Matt's back as they kissed. John had never
liked kissing as much before Matt.

After a while, John decided he wanted to be on top. Flipping over, John
pinned Matt to the mattress and nibbled his way down Matt's chest. Matt's
hands were all over John's body, stroking everywhere he could reach. John
sucked and played with Matt's nipples in the way that he'd learned Matt
liked. In the past, he never would have dreamed doing this to a man, but
Matt's gasps and squirms made it worth it. Moving down, he nipped hard at
Matt's hip bones. He had no idea why Matt liked that, but it always made
Matt moan and grip John's head.

Matt's cock was ready, as always, and John took it into his mouth. He was
just learning how to do this, and he was sure he was nothing in comparison
to Matt's mind-blowing skills, but Matt never complained. John got one of
his fingers wet with saliva and pushed it into Matt's welcoming ass. He
quickly found the right spot and Matt was soon moaning and swearing in
pleasure as John sucked his cock and fingered his ass.

As he sucked, part of him was thinking about that cock in his ass. How
would it feel? Would it hurt, like the first time most women were fucked?

"Hang on," Matt panted.

John lifted his head.

"Turn around so I can do you, too."

That peaked John's interest. They hadn't done it at the same time, though
it seemed like it would work. John took his finger out of Matt's ass and
they both shifted on the bed until their heads were at each other's pelvis.
John had to bend a little, since Matt was smaller than he was.

John begin sucking Matt's cock again. This angle wasn't as good, but when
Matt started licking his cock as well, it made the awkwardness worth it.

"I'm going to get some lube and try a finger, okay?" Matt asked.

John's heart started to pound. In the past, Matt had rubbed his asshole but
never gone inside. "You think I need…prep?"

Matt lifted his head and smiled at him. "Probably not, we'll see. I just
wanna know if you like prostate stimulation at all. Some guys don't."

"Oh." John hadn't known that. Sometimes the amount of things he didn't know
really dragged on him. He was used to that only being the case about new
technology. His body was as old of technology as it got, but he was still
clueless.

That's why he was pleased that Matt wasn't experienced in fucking. Equaled
the playing field.

Matt got the lube bottle from the headboard. John kept a large pump-bottle
there all the time now. Matt offered it to John who took some for his
finger. Lube had to be more comfortable than saliva.

Well, he was now about to find out.

John resettled himself, took Matt's cock back into his mouth, and pushed
his lubed finger back into Matt's ass.

Still, he jumped a little when he felt Matt's cold wet finger at his
asshole.

"Relax, McClane," Matt said. "You know my fingers are tiny. Not like your
meathooks."

John actually liked Matt's hands and fingers. They were always flying
around as he talked. They were also very skilled at making John feel good.

Matt begin to rub his asshole. John focused on Matt's cock in his mouth and
moving his finger in Matt's ass. Matt started to suck on John's cock, which
also helped distract him.

Matt pushed the tip of his finger in and John sucked harder on Matt's cock.
When Matt got farther in and started feeling around, John didn't sense
anything at first. Maybe he was one of those guys that didn't like it?

Then a warm feeling began to grow in his ass. Kinda like when his cock
started to get hard, but elsewhere.

"You liking that?" Matt said, his voice muffled by John's cock.

John grunted a strong positive and Matt kept going.

Soon that warm feeling was spreading to John's whole body. He was tingling
in places he didn't know tingled, though his cock was still the strongest
ache.

He sucked and fingered and held on while his body lit up like a fucking
Christmas tree. He might have been moaning, he wasn't sure. Matt was
definitely moaning and gasping around John's cock.

John held tight to Matt as Matt began to shake, trying to keep Matt in
place. Matt moaned loudly then he was coming, his cum hitting the side of
John's mouth as he thrashed. John felt his own ass tightening and his whole
body clamped around Matt's.

Then he was coming, and it was like discovering orgasms for the first time.
It was so much more intense and he felt it not only in his cock and balls,
but in his nipples and behind his knees and at the back of his neck and
other places he couldn't even identify because his body was coming apart.

A long moment of rocking and moaning together.

Finally the pleasure eased off the gas pedal and slowed but still throbbed
through his body.

John pressed his face against Matt's hip. "Fuck," he gasped.

"Yeah," Matt gasped back.

They lay there for a while, catching their breath. John's muscles slowly
began to unclamp from around Matt. He pulled his finger from Matt's ass and
Matt eased out his from John's.

They lay flat on their backs for a while more. John felt like he'd just
done an intense workout.

Well, in a way he had.

"You liked that," Matt stated with a smile in his voice.

"Yeah."

"I think we can safely say that you are positively affected by prostate
stimulation."

John turned his head to look at Matt's face. "No shit, Sherlock."

"Being fucked is even better."

"How can it be better?" John wondered.

Matt grinned goofily at him.

"Okay," John chuckled at Matt's expression. He'd find out soon enough.

"Tomorrow?" Matt asked. "Assuming you don't have to work late?"

John swallowed against a suddenly dry throat. "Yeah."

"I'll give you a list of what you need to prep."

"A list?"

"Yeah, less embarrassing. Especially for when you go to the drug store."

John had an image of himself handing such a list to his local pharmacy
clerk, a little old lady he'd known forever. He grimaced. Hopefully he'd be
able to figure this list out on his own.

Matt laughed. "Just read the words on the list and match them to the words
on the box. You can do that, right?"

"I can do that," John grumbled.

"I just hope…" Matt trailed off and began to look uncertain, more
like when they'd started the evening.

"Hey," John said, summoning the energy to pat Matt on the thigh. "It'll be
great. If it isn't, we already know how to do great."

"True," Matt said with a lopsided smile.

"How about we get dressed and see if the Yankees managed to score yet?"

"'Score,'" Matt snickered sleepily.

John shook his head and climbed slowly off the bed. His ass felt strange.
How was it going to feel after tomorrow? And if went poorly, how was he
going to convince Matt it didn't matter? Didn't the kid think there was
anything to their relationship but sex?

Pulling on his pants, John paused. There was, wasn't there? Certainly on
John's side… He shook his head and returned to putting on his
clothes. Now Matt had him doubting things, and somebody needed to keep his
cool tomorrow.

"C'mon, kid," John said to Matt who was still lying naked on the bed. "I
don't wanna watch the game without you."

Matt looked at him strangely and John wondered what he'd said. He shrugged
and went out to the living room.

Matt would either follow his lead or he wouldn't.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Disrupting the Status Quo

Part 3 - How John and Matt Spend their Day

The next day was a slow one at work for John, which was fortunate for
anyone hoping for justice from New York's Finest. John couldn't stop
thinking about what he and Matt planned to do that night. He was reminded
of the day he'd first agreed to meet Matt for sex. But then, he hadn't
known it was Matt. It could have been anyone. Most of that day he'd been
haranguing himself for agreeing to have sex with a stranger he'd met
online, something that he repeatedly told the people who came through his
department was the stupidest thing to do. It didn't matter how much of a
connection they'd felt online. Then there had been John, ready to have his
first ever gay sex with a stranger.

Then that stranger had turned out to be Matt.

And the sex that had followed - the sex that had followed for the next two
months through now - was the best sex he'd ever had.

And the rest of the last two months had been damn good too.

"What's up with you, McClane?"

John looked up from the file he had only been pretending to read.

It was Detective Glavonich, who sat next to him. "I swear, if you start
humming, I'm going to think the world has come to an end. You're
practically…smiling."

John startled Glavonich with a dry chuckle. "Am I?"

"You're doing it again!" Glavonich eyed him. "Don't tell me… Do you
have a… date?"

John grinned at him, causing the other detective's jaw to drop. "Planning
on getting lucky, too."

"Whoa, bring on the hail of fiery meteors. The world is definitely coming
to an end."

John laughed. "Just let it wait until after tonight." He closed the file
with a snap. "You know, I think I'm going to take off early."

Glavonich made the sign of the cross on his chest and John cheerfully
flipped him the middle finger. He gathered up his stuff and made his way
quickly out of the office…

Before he started humming.
 
Matt couldn't concentrate on the code right in front of his face. This
contract, if he pulled it off, could make his reputation in the right
employment circles - legit circles. But all he could think about was how
John's ass clamped around his finger as John moaned and orgasmed. That
would soon be Matt's cock. Would it hurt? He'd never considered that
before.

Naw, if it hurt, guys would have mentioned it by now. If they talked to
Matt at all afterwards, they talked about how good Matt's ass felt. And how
soon and how hard they planned on fucking it again.

Matt's cock was throbbing. He pressed his hand against it through his jeans
but that only made it worse. He hadn't jacked off for months, he hadn't had
to. John had taken care of all his needs. Maybe not after tonight, though.

Matt jumped up out of his chair and began pacing his room. His new
apartment was nicer than his old one, though that wasn't hard. He'd
swallowed his pride and borrowed some money from his parents for the
deposit. They had been offering for years, and hadn't even seen the old
rathole he'd lived in. The old apartment hadn't been much, but he'd sunk
his money into his computer and his collectibles. He got a rare attaboy
from his father when his renter's insurance had paid through the nose for
all his carefully documented stuff. That check meant he could rent a nicer
- but smaller - place in the city. He'd picked out the studio apartment
first because it was a short subway ride to his physical therapy place.
He'd spent an intense three months at that place, rehabbing his shot knee.
It was just a bonus that it was also a short subway ride from John
McClane's apartment. Which he'd totally found the location of before
starting to look for a new place. Was it so strange that he wanted to be
near the man who saved his life?

And maybe that's all Matt would be after tonight… Near. But no longer
welcome.

No longer allowed to wrap his lips around that big cock before supper, no
longer fucked perfectly during the seventh-inning stretch of a baseball
game. No longer able to make John McClane moan with a finger in his ass.

Matt pressed his hand to his cock again. Just thinking about all the things
they'd done together, even if that might be in the past, made Matt
helplessly aroused. But if he jerked off now, would he not be hard enough
tonight? He knew it required a hard cock to fuck an ass. He'd had some men
unable to get hard enough to fuck him. A virgin ass had to require an extra
hard cock. What if Matt couldn't get hard enough regardless? He could only
imagine John's disappointment.

Matt paced back and forth. What if his cock wasn't big enough or long
enough? He was nothing in comparison to John's large body. He could hear it
now - John saying, 'put it in', himself saying 'it is in' and John saying,
'what, your finger?'

Matt gasped, his chest feeling tight. He stopped pacing, sat down, and took
some deep breaths. The last thing he needed right now was an asthma attack.
He got up and went his fridge and got a Red Bull. He slurped down a third
of the can before stopping. He leaned against the fridge and held the can,
taking more deep breaths. The way his finger slid across the condensation
on the can made him think about his lubed finger sliding across John's
tight virgin asshole.

His cock throbbed again.

"Shut up, tiny," Matt snapped. He finished off the Red Bull.

Walking over to toss the empty can in the recycling bin, he found his
stupid cock was still rock hard. There was no way he was going to get back
to work like this.

Sighing, he went over to his bed and sat down. He pulled out his cock and
closed his eyes. Immediately he pictured the close-up he'd experienced of
John's pelvis last night as he sucked his cock and fingered his ass. John
had been sucking and fingering Matt at the same time and the symmetry was
intoxicating. Matt had never really liked 69ing before, but with John it
had worked well. Everything with John worked well.

Matt stroked his cock, trying to think only of last night's activities and
not what was scheduled for tonight. He reminded himself how John tasted,
smelled, felt. What he sounded like as Matt gave him his first ever
prostate orgasm.

"Fuck yeah," Matt murmured to himself. "Fuck, your mouth feels so good as
you suck my cock. I love sucking your huge cop meat, want you to shoot down
my throat. Love how you fill me up, hold me down. Love how you manhandle me
and use me but always make sure I feel good too." His voice sped up as his
hand sped up, pushing himself towards orgasm. "Want you always need you
please just fuck me and don't stop don't leave me just fuck please suck
please please John John Johnnn…"

With one last groan, Matt spurted over his hand. It felt nowhere near as
good as when John brought him to orgasm, but it was good enough and it was
a relief.

Matt flopped back on his bed and stared up at the ceiling for a moment.
Then with a sigh, he got up and cleaned himself up.

He checked the clock. Still hours until he'd see John.

Sighing, he grabbed himself another Red Bull and went to try to get some
work done.
 
After John left the office, he went to the pharmacy - one he never went to
in case he had to ask for help - but he followed Matt's list without
problem. Then he went home, had a dump, and used the douche. It felt weird
but kinda nice.

Done with preparations, John looked at the clock. Now that he was home and
prepped, he felt a little less certain than he had when talking with his
coworker, Detective Glavonich. John wandered around, wishing he'd stayed at
work longer, where he had more distractions. Why was he pushing this
getting fucked thing? Okay, that was easy to answer - it was gnawing at
Matt. They needed to get it done, one way or another, or else Matt was
going to continue to make a big deal out of it.

It was true, though, that after last night's taste of Matt's finger in his
ass, John was now pushing it for himself too. He wanted to know what made
Matt's eyes roll back, made him melt into a puddle of hacker goo.

He frowned. What if they both decided that they preferred being fucked?
Would that make them incompatible? John shook his head. Just deal with what
was right in front of him. Survive the first explosion, the first bad guy,
before worrying about how to survive the next one and the next one….

He went to his case and got out some files that he'd brought home, out of
habit. He poured himself a Coke and buried himself in the intricacies of
some tough cases.

Though Glavonich would probably claim he was smiling as he did it.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Disrupting the Status Quo

Part 4 - What Happens Now

The Matt that walked through John's door was a visible wreck. John wondered
briefly if they should put it off, but Matt was obviously going to obsess
over this until it was done.

John shut the door behind Matt and took Matt into his arms. "Hey, hi." He
leaned down and gave Matt a warm kiss. Matt was stiff at first, but John
kept at it until Matt finally began to respond. Matt wrapped his arms
around John and his response turned urgent, desperate. Damn, the kid was
totally going over the edge about this.

John lifted his head and put a smile on his face. "Been looking forward to
this all day."

"Oh?" Matt said tightly.

"Yeah, the guy in the desk next to me said I was humming."

"Humming?"

"Or at least smiling. He asked if I had a hot date and I told him yes."

"You did?"

They'd kept their relationship quiet, more by unspoken agreement than
anything formal. John didn't know how people would react to the age
difference and didn't really want to share Matt with anyone. Matt had said
he talked to his mom about his sex concerns, but John was sure that Matt
hadn't mentioned how old his lover was, and certainly not that it was John
McClane.

Okay, yes, John also didn't want to deal with explaining why at his age he
finally was allowing himself to be attracted to men.

But it had been fun to shock Glavonich.

John grinned. "And I told him I was planning on getting lucky tonight."

"Oh? I'm sure he never would have imagined… this."

"He never imagines anything," John said lightly. "No imagination. Decent
detective, though."

"Oh."

John shook his head. One-word answers were not normal for Matt. "I
completed the list you gave me."

"Oh."

John put his arm around Matt and began to lead him towards the bedroom.
"C'mon, kid."

Matt came along slowly.

As John walked, he could feel the prep he'd done. The enema had been
unpleasant, the douche okay. Just a half-an-hour ago, John had lubed and
inserted an anal plug. It was, strangely enough, the same anal plug that
Matt had been wearing when John lost his mind and hard-fucked Matt over the
kitchen table. Matt had left it and John had washed and was using it now.
That wasn't actually on Matt's checklist, but John had remembered Matt
explaining that it was to prep his ass for penetration. That Matt had been
using it to stretch himself for John so 'there wouldn't need to be any
preliminaries.' One look at Matt and John knew that the less preliminaries
the better.

The plug was also revving John's engine. Every time he moved, he could feel
it rub against that spot inside that had brought him such an intense orgasm
last night. His cock was already throbbing.

In the bedroom, they both silently got undressed. John tried not to sigh.
Matt and John lay down on the bed. This time there was no wrestling or
play. Matt just lay there, his eyes panicked. John didn't understand what
was going on in Matt's head, and right now wasn't the time to argue. It was
the time to put this in the rearview mirror.

John leaned down to kiss him. Matt responded minimally and John quickly
moved on. He kissed his way down Matt's chest, remembering how just last
night Matt was touching and stroking his head and shoulders as John did
that. Now he was passively watching John. He only squirmed a little when
John did Matt's favorite thing of nipping at Matt's hips.

John reached Matt's cock, which was showing signs of awakening. John took
it into his mouth and began working it. To his relief, Matt's cock
responded normally. Soon it was wet and hard.

John lifted his head and looked at Matt. "You still want to do this?"

Matt nodded slightly.

John needed more. "Matt?"

Matt cleared his throat and said, "Yuh-yes."

This was not how John pictured this when he'd proposed it two months ago,
but he was going to fight this battle so he could get past it. "Okay."

He reached above Matt and got the lube bottle. Then he got to his knees and
turned around. Matt made a surprised sound that meant he must have seen the
purple plug in John's ass. John faced Matt's feet in what he thought would
be the easiest position to get Matt's cock into his ass. He smeared lube
all over Matt's hard cock. Then he pulled out the plug with a quiet groan.
He shoved some more lube up where the plug had been.

He braced one knee on each side of Matt and tried to figure out how this
was going to work.

"Can you just…hold it?" John asked.

Matt's hand slowly propped his cock up in the air.

John positioned the head of the cock at his stretched asshole and, without
letting himself hesitate, lowered his body down.

It hurt like hell.

Even with all the prep, it still hurt like hell.

John took a shallow breath, ignored the tears coming to his eyes, and
continued until he was all the way sitting on Matt's pelvis. Matt's hand
had moved out of the way. And Matt's cock was buried inside him.

John took another breath then another and slowly his ass began to unclench.
Soon it was just a strange fullness, not blinding pain.

Awkwardly, he began to move.

"Oh," he groaned.

"I'm sorry!" Matt wailed.

John ignored him and moved some more. "Oh…yeah." The pleasurable
feeling he'd gotten last night with just a finger was back - and growing.

"Oh God, fuck yeah," John said. His legs were starting to shake from the
difficult position but he didn't want to stop.

"John?" Matt asked tentatively.

"Fuck, kid," John gasped. "Just fucking move and shit."

"You like it?"

"Yes!" John gasped loudly. "Now fuck me!"

"Oh, wow, yeah. Yeah!" Matt's pelvis began to rock underneath him, driving
his cock even deeper into John. "Oh God… You are so… God that
feels amazing."

"Good!" John snapped. "Now do it better!"

"Yessir!" Matt laughed.

That laughter did more to help John relax than anything. And relaxing made
John feel even better.

Matt sat up and wrapped his arms around John's waist. His pelvis continued
to move. "Fucking you now and you like it."

"Yeah…"

"Want to see your face," Matt said. "Make sure."

"Uhh…" John's overloaded brain couldn't remember positions where he'd
fucked Matt that he could see his face.

"Lay on your back, with your knees to each side."

John mumbled his 'okay.' His knees were starting to get tired anyway. John
carefully moved up, making Matt's cock slide out. It was a strange feeling
of emptiness.

John laid on his back and looked up at Matt.

Matt's expression had totally changed. He now looked alert and eager. Still
anxious, though.

John held his knees to each side, remembering Matt doing this just last
week. Matt leaned between John's legs. He found the nearby lube bottle and
added some more lube to John's asshole.

John suddenly remembered that this was how Matt asked online for John to
fuck him, the very first time, when John didn't know it was Matt on the
other side of the computer screen. What Matt had said was burned into
John's brain.

John murmured, "'I'll spread myself on the bed underneath you and hold up
my knees so you can see my tight asshole.'"

"What?" Matt paused in re-lubing John's asshole.

"What you said to me, in that chatroom, as CompGuy."

"Wow, you remember that?"

"First and only time I ever talked sex online, so yeah."

Matt flushed. "What else did I say?"

"That you wanted me to push my 'huge cop meat' into you and fill you up so
that you felt like were going to split open. And something about screaming
as I hit your sweet spot."

"I must have sounded like an idiot."

"Yet I still met you and fucked you."

"Yeah… yeah, you did." Matt said, then added awkwardly. "Guess it's
my turn now."

Watching John carefully, Matt held his cock ready, then pushed it slowly
back inside.

John grunted, he couldn't help it, and Matt stopped.

"Keep going," John urged.

Matt had a funny look on his face. "What if I told you I was already in?"

"You aren't!" John knew how it felt to have Matt buried all the way inside
him.

Matt nodded and pushed the rest of the way in.

John took some deep breaths and focused on relaxing again. It helped that
he knew how good it would feel when he did relax.

"You okay?" Matt asked.

"Move…" John demanded.

Matt began to move. And his cock sliding inside John felt even better than
before. And Matt was finally smiling.

"Wow," Matt said. "So much better than I remember."

Matt leaned forward between John's knees and began to pump his cock inside
John. John's knees gripped Matt's hips and John's hands gripped the blanket
underneath him.

Soon that warm feeling from last night was returning to John's whole body.
With Matt's cock inside him, the feeling was stronger, deeper, and his cock
was a stiff rod as it bounced against his stomach.

Matt moaned in appreciation as he rocked. "Damn, McClane, you feel fucking
good."

"Yeah?"

"Fuck yeah…"

Matt sped up, and soon his hair was swinging back and forth, his mouth open
and panting. John wanted to reach up to Matt but every sense was focused on
that cock plunging into him.

Matt leaned even more forward and John was able to lift his head and they
were kissing, sloppy and rough.

John dropped his head back to the bed and Matt straightened up, then he was
driving into John hard and fast. John found himself holding onto the bed as
if his life depended on it. Matt was gasping out, 'yes…yes,' with
each thrust. John's body was screaming hallelujah.

Abruptly, Matt reached around and grabbed John's hard cock. He began
jerking it wildly. John groaned and it was suddenly a whole fucking chorus
of hallelujah.

John cried out then he was coming, his ass squeezing fireworks through his
body.

Then Matt was moaning and coming, pumping heat deep inside John.

Matt drove his cock into John for a long moment afterwards. He was
murmuring something incoherent.

When Matt's cock grew too soft and slipped out of John's ass, Matt
shuddered and collapsed on top of John. Trembling with aftershocks, John
stroked Matt's hair.

They lay that way for a long while, catching their breath.

Finally, Matt said, "I think I can see why you like that."

John chuckled. "Yeah?"

"You?"

"I can see why you like that," John agreed. "Feels good."

They lay for another moment in comfortable silence.

Matt said, "I was worried that… well, lots of stupid stuff."

"Yeah."

"So…"

John waited.

"So…" Matt started again. "You liked it better… than, you know,
the other way? Is that our…new thing?"

John frowned and tried to assemble his brain to contemplate the question.
It had been amazing, yes. But the new normal? Eventually he decided, "Naw,
I really like fucking you."

"Oh, good." Matt said. "We could do this once in a while but I really really like getting fucked by you."

"I get it now," John said with a smile. He reached over and brushed the
hair out of Matt's eyes. "And I kinda liked that you hadn't done it that
many times. Level playing field."

"Oh," Matt said. "I hadn't thought of that."

John laid there, feeling the strange stretched feeling of his ass. He even
still felt the echoes of his body-wide orgasm. He might have to suggest
that more than 'once in a while'…

The drip of cum out of his asshole wasn't as pleasant, though. "Kid, it's
your turn to get the towel."

"What? Oh." Matt pulled himself up, climbed off the bed, and made his
wobbly way to the bathroom. He returned with a towel and John cleaned
himself up.

John tossed the dirty towel aside and held out one arm. "Matt, c'mere."

Matt came slowly, his face uncertain.

John waited until Matt lay down next to him, then pulled him close. "You
been worrying about this since…all this time?"

"Yeah," Matt mumbled. "Thought you were too."

"No," John said with a shrug. "Not really. Glad we did it, though." John
caught Matt's eyes and asked, "Anything else you worrying about?"

Matt blew out a breath and rolled onto his back. "What am I not
worried about? You getting tired of me, me doing something to make you
leave, me not being able to go legit and doing something that turns out to
be illegal again and this time you aren't around to save my life."

John frowned. "I thought that contract was working out."

"And I thought that the last contract was good and it turned out that I was
helping some assholes try to burn down the country for money."

John turned onto his side next to Matt. "You afraid that's going to happen
again?"

"Shit, McClane, I'm afraid of everything."

"Oh, I-"

"Except when I'm with you."

That sent a warmth across John's chest. "Good."

"But I'm worried that if they sex isn't good, that you'll move on."

"Oh, kid," John sighed. He brushed the hair out of Matt's eyes. "I'm an old
man."

"You're not old!"

"I'm stuck in my ways."

"You seem to be learning new things," Matt said, gesturing towards John's
ass.

"And when I find something I like, I stick with it."

"Oh?"

"And, well…" John couldn't help a self-conscious shrug. "I like you."

Matt smiled up at him. "I like you, too. I mean, I really like
you."

"Yeah, me too," John said and leaned forward to kiss Matt lightly.

Matt lifted his hand to touch John's cheek.

"I was with Holly for almost 20 years, even if it was 10 years too long,"
John said, then added wryly, "And the sex was never this good."

"Did you just compare me to your ex-wife?" Matt laughed.

"In a good way," John said, smiling himself. "In a good way."

"I don't want to be compared to your ex-wife."

"Then how about you stop comparing me to all your other lovers who must
have been idiots because they left you?"

Matt's smile turned sideways. "Touché."

"You gotta stop worrying, kid. I'm not going to leave you."

Matt scooted closer to John. "You're still calling me 'kid'? After I just
fucked you?"

"Sure. It's, you know, my name for you."

"A term of endearment?"

"Yeah."

"What if I start calling you 'old man'?"

"I thought you said I wasn't old."

"You're not. And I'm not a kid."

"Okay," John said. "But I'm not calling you 'sweetie'."

"I like it!"

"What?" John chuckled. "'Sweetie'? Really?"

"Sure, why not?"

"I don't even call my daughter 'sweetie.'"

"Maybe you should have."

"Matt…" John said in a warning voice.

"Yeah, sorry, that was rude. And I didn't mean it."

John grunted. His parenting was a sore spot.

Matt smiled at him. "You can keep calling me 'kid' if you want. I've kinda
gotten used to it."

"Okay…"

"But, um, don't call me 'kid' when you meet my parents."

John blinked. "When I what?"

"I told my mom about you."

"Yeah, but…"

"She wasn't so sure that I should be dating an older man, especially one
who was…so dangerous. So I told her she should just meet you."

John sat up abruptly. "Wait, you told you mom you were dating me?
As in John McClane?"

"Yeah, well, she figured it out. Too many clues."

"What did she say?"

"She didn't like it."

"Why not?"

"Well, because you're her age. And have a dangerous life. She thinks you're
just having a mid-life crisis."

"I'm not- Do you think I'm having a mid-life crisis? That I'm just
going to get over it and move on? That why you think I might leave you?"

"No…"

"Not very convincing, kid."

Matt sat up and looked him in the eye. "You're not a bullshitter. That I
know. You're very…authentic."

"Authentic."

"And my parents will see it."

"Ugh… I haven't 'met the parents' since before you were born."

"Hey, there's no rush," Matt said. "It's just…." He gave a
half-shrug. "My mom was acting like this was any ol' guy that I've dated
and I wanted to show her it wasn't, so I told her I wanted her to meet
you." He smirked. "That shut her up for a minute."

"So you don't want me to meet your parents?"

"Not right now."

The rest of what Matt said sank in and that warm feeling returned to John's
chest. "Not just like any ol' guy that you've dated, huh?"

"Hell, no," Matt said. "I plan on being around, pushing your wheelchair
through the nursing home." He gave John a grin. "Not that that's too far
away, old man."

John grabbed Matt and pushed him back to the bed, then braced himself over
him. "Old man, hmm? I can still beat you, any time."

"Yes," Matt beamed up at him. "You can. And I love it when you do."

John laughed. "You would."

"Yes, I would."

John smiled down at him. Suddenly, he wanted something else.

John rolled off him. "Get dressed. Let's go get some dinner."

"Uh?" Matt said. "I'm tired from fucking you. Let's just order in some
pizza."

"Up, get dressed. And maybe… Do you have a suit?"

"Wuh?"

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Part 5 - Where They Go Next

About an hour and a half after Matt fucked John's virgin ass, they were
sitting at a nice restaurant downtown. It was a steak and seafood
restaurant, a classy old-school place that John had taken Holly to, once
upon a time. They'd been lucky to get a table tonight. It helped that it
was past the busiest dinner hour.

It was an event place.

"Wow, I've never been here," Matt said. "Heard of the place, of course. My
parents went here for my mom's birthday once." Matt smoothed his hand over
his hair. He'd even neatened up that scruff on his face.

After they had gotten up from the bed, John had put on a suit. Matt had
stared at him, stuttering, but John had decided that Matt liked the look.
The kid really had a hard-on for uniforms.

John had then driven Matt by his apartment, to give Matt a chance to
change. Fortunately, Matt's sole suit jacket - the one he used for weddings
- had survived the explosion at his old apartment. Matt had paired that
with a blue button-down shirt that did funny things to John's stomach. Matt
didn't have any ties, which was fine. John didn't want to hear all night
about being strangled.

"You look nice," John said.

Matt smiled at him. "Thanks, you too."

"Like the shirt. Nice color."

Matt looked down at his shirt and nodded.

John held out his hand. "Give me your hand."

"Why?" Matt asked nervously.

"Because I want to hold it, Jeez."

"Oh!" Matt said. He put his hand on the table. John threaded his fingers
through Matt's, trying to look like this was something he did all the time.

Matt looked at their hands, for once at a loss for words.

"Good evening." John looked up to see a waiter with a fake smile on his
face. He had one of those stupid man-buns. He gave John his name but John
couldn't remember past the man-bun.

"Hi," John said. Matt tried to pull his hand back but John held onto it.

"Are we celebrating something tonight?" Man-bun asked brightly.

John looked at Matt. "Anniversary."

"Oh?" the waiter replied. "Which one?"

"This one."

"Uh, oh," the waiter stammered. "Um, congratulations."

"Thanks."

"Would you like to see the wine list?"

"You want wine, ki-Matt?"

"Um," Matt said, but got no further.

"You have fancy beer?" John asked the waiter.

"Yes! I'll bring you the beer menu."

John nodded and the waiter left.

"They have a beer menu," John said with a smirk. "Wonder what Man-Bun would
say if I ordered a Bud?"

Matt cleared his throat. "Anniversary?"

"Sure. Two months or something, right?"

"Yeah."

"And eight months since we met?"

"Almost nine."

"See, I didn't forget an anniversary."

"Uh."

John looked at their still-joined hands. "You okay with this? In public?"

"It was…a surprise."

John began to pull his hand back.

Matt gripped it tighter. "No, a good surprise!"

John relaxed. "Good."

"I mean I'm not the one coming out," Matt said. "The whole world knows I'm
gay."

"I didn't know."

"Okay, true."

The waiter returned with a little menu. John took it with his free hand and
handed it to Matt. "Order us something."

"Oh, uh," Matt said. He flipped the menu open and eyed it. "How about
Narragansett IPA? For both of us."

"Light?" the waiter asked.

Matt smiled at John. "Naw, not light."

The waiter nodded, took the beer menu, and left.

Matt cleared his throat again and asked, "Why are we here?"

John shrugged. "You said you were worried. About us. I just…thought
this might help."

"Dinner?"

"A celebration."

"Of what?"

"I don't know," John smiled. "Living another day?"

Matt gave him a sideways smile. "Yeah. Can't always count on that."

"Nope."

John opened his dinner menu with his free hand and began looking through
it. He ignored the prices. This was a celebration. Of what, he hadn't
really figured out yet.

Man-bun returned with some chilled mugs of beer. He waited for John and
Matt to take a sip.

"Not bad," John allowed. He was used to craft brews being dark and chewy.

John ordered a New York Sirloin with a baked potato. Matt ordered a steak
topped with shrimp and lobster sauce, and a salad that had apples in it.

After the waiter had left, John said, "Couldn't decide between steak or
seafood so got both?"

"Was that too much? It was too much."

John squeezed Matt's hand that he still held. "No, it's fine. My treat."

"Okay, good." Matt grimaced. "Um, John?"

"Yeah?"

"I like holding your hand, I do, but my fingers are kinda going numb."

John gave him a half-smile and released Matt's hand. Matt shook out his
fingers, his expression apologetic.

"So you've been here before?" Mat asked.

"Not for years." It felt like years since John had had anything to
celebrate. Other than living through yet another bunch of crazies trying to
kill him.

"What made you think of it?"

John shrugged. "I don't know."

"Not that I mind," Matt said hastily.

John took a deep breath and smiled at Matt. "So, how's the contract going?"

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"Yes,"

"Okay…" Matt rubbed his chin, then launched into an explanation of
his latest work on the contract he was doing for the FBI.

John knew it was a big deal, and important to Matt, so he tried to listen
carefully when Matt talked about it. He was starting to understand more
than one word out of three.

The waiter brought Matt's salad, and he ate it while still talking a mile a
minute.

This time John managed to come up with a question that didn't sound too
stupid. Matt looked surprised, then pleased, then launched into something
that completely left John behind. John didn't mind. He liked seeing Matt
animated about something.

Anyone who knew John would have been surprised that he was sitting here,
listening to a 25-year-old talking about math and computers - and enjoying
it.

Well, he'd been told for years he had a stick up his ass, so maybe it just
took being fucked in the ass to dislodge it.

"What's so funny about Supersingular Isogeny Diffie-Hellman?" Matt asked.

"What?"

"You laughed."

"Oh, I thought of something funny." At Matt's raised eyebrows, John said,
"Ask me later."

"Okay…" Matt looked uncertain. "Will I think it's funny?"

John chuckled again. "Yeah."

"Okay, good," Matt said, his shoulders relaxing. "But that was probably
more than you wanted to know about my project."

John shrugged. "I'm glad you're enjoying it."

"It's…it's a real challenge. I like challenges." Matt smiled right at
John when he said that.

"Good," John said, smirking.

They left off the topic of Matt's project after that, and began debating
the weighty subject of whether it was worth following New York's football
teams. Football wasn't as statistics-driven as baseball, so it didn't
interest Matt as much. John had always watched football, since that's what
guys did. But he secretly found it boring. It seemed a revolutionary idea
that he didn't have to watch it.

One of the main reasons that John had joined that chat room for older gays
way back when, the chat room that Matt snuck into, was to see whether gay
guys were really guys any more. He'd learned there, and since, that he
didn't stop being a guy now that he discovered he was interested in sex
with men. He'd become more aware, too, of stupid things he'd said in the
past to and about gays. Yeah, some really stupid things. He might be
bisexual, but he was definitely still an asshole.

"Let's skip football," John said, feeling freed by the statement. "What do
you think about hockey?"

"Never been to a hockey game," Matt said. "Seems cold."

John smirked. "I still have my Yankees stadium blanket."

Matt flushed, as John hoped he would. Matt had tried to convince John to
let Matt give him a blowjob under that blanket at Yankee Stadium.

"We should go to a hockey game." John said with a smile. "I'll keep you
warm."

Matt's flush deepened and he nodded in agreement.

They were still discussing hockey possibilities when their entrées
arrived. John waved off another beer in favor of water. Matt asked for a
Coke. Man-bun offered to stand there while they cut into their steaks, to
make sure they were done correctly. John chased him away with a look.

John started telling Matt stories about unnamed pro athletes that he'd come
across in cases as a detective, and earlier as a beat cop. Matt tried to
guess who he was talking about, and came surprisingly close multiple times.
John looked around to make sure no one was listening to their conversation.

Talking easily, they ate their dinner. They moved on to talking about their
families - with some awkwardness at first. It was still weird that John's
son wasn't much younger than Matt, and that John was Matt's parent's
generation. Still, they persevered, and got past the weirdness. It helped
that Matt obviously respected and loved his parents, though he didn't
understand them. Matt's father, in particular, seemed to wish that he'd
lived in 1776. Matt was sympathetic about John's estrangement from his son,
Jack, and didn't blame him like Holly always did.

The conversation was good, the food was good. It had been too long since
John had eaten for more than survival. Matt seemed to like his meal as
well. Was this what enjoying life felt like? With his spoon, Matt chased
the last dribbles of his lobster sauce around his plate while
simultaneously expounding on the environmental hazards of shrimp farming.
The kid was full of contradictions. John liked that. It made the arguments
so much more interesting.

John chewed his last bite of steak and wondered if he'd ever figure out why
there were here.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Part 6 - Which Action They Choose

After finishing his steak and potato, John went to go find the bathroom. It
had been a while since he'd been to this restaurant and they'd done some
remodeling. He found and used the men's room. As he was leaving, he noticed
a new non-gender-specific/family/single user bathroom.

Dammit if his cock didn't immediately get ideas.

"Stop it," John muttered. "You've already gotten some today. I don't even
know it could get it up."

But by the time John got back to the table, he knew he was going to do it.

He sat down at the table and said quietly to Matt, "Take off your sports
coat and leave it on the back of your chair. I'm going to leave my car keys
next to my plate, so they know we're coming back."

"What?"

"Then get up and go to the single user bathroom. Lock the door. I'll follow
in a minute. If the coast is clear, I'll knock four times on the door."

"What? Why?"

"It's no closet at Yankee stadium, but…"

Matt's eyes got huge and so did his grin.

"Try to look a little less eager," John muttered.

Matt nodded and took a big gulp from his water glass. He took a second gulp
then took off his jacket and put it on the back of his chair. He then stood
up, and with a too-casual air, wandered off in the direction of the
bathroom.

John looked around the restaurant, fiddled with his fork, and counted to
60. He then put his car keys next to his plate and followed Matt.
 
In the single-user bathroom, Matt paced the floor. He couldn't believe that
he was going to do this. He couldn't believe John suggested it.

He jumped when someone knocked on the door. Four knocks, it must be John.

Matt unlocked the door and John slipped inside. John was grinning, his 'I'm
about do to something crazy so watch out' grin.

Matt loved when the 'something crazy that John was about to do' was him.

He locked the door and eagerly came into John's arms. They kissed roughly,
like it hadn't been just hours since they last had sex.

John moved them away from the door, his lips still on Matt's. He pushed
Matt up against the back wall, beside the toilet, and kissed him
thoroughly. Matt reveled in John's big body pressing him against the cold
tile wall, John's mouth and hands hot and demanding.

John pulled back and smiled down at him. "Wanna see if you can get me hard
enough to fuck you?"

"Hell, yes," Matt murmured, dropping to his knees. He'd loved fucking John
earlier, but he was a bottom through and through. He began unzipping John's
fly. John brushed Matt's hands aside and unzipped his pants, then pulled
out his cock. Matt went quickly to work.

John didn't slow him down this time, like he did in the Yankee Stadium
closet. Matt hoped it was because John knew that they didn't need to make
this part last, that Matt would happily do this other days and places.
Okay, semi-public sex had never been Matt's thing, but he was flexible. The
thing with topping John had taught Matt a lesson. From now on he'd happily
do anything that John wanted. John always made it good.

Right now John wanted to fuck him. Matt concentrated on getting that cock
hard and wet.

John's cock quickly got hard, even though it was less than two hours since
he'd came. And he called himself an 'old man'!

"Okay," John said, pushing Matt's head back.

Matt stood up, wiping his mouth. He quickly unbuckled his belt and pushed
his pants and underwear down to his thighs. John turned him around and
leaned him over the sink.

"That look you get in your eyes…" John said.

"What look?" Matt asked as John squeezed his ass cheeks.

Their eyes met in the mirror. Matt could see his face was flush with
excitement.

"That look," John said, running his hands down Matt's chest. He pressed
himself against Matt's back. His big cock rubbed between Matt's ass cheeks,
along with the cloth of his pants. The combination of skin and pushed-aside
clothing made Matt bite his lip against a moan.

John reached over Matt's shoulder and got some soap from the dispenser. It
was white and smelled like jasmine. Good thing it wasn't foam. They'd have
to ask the waiter for something slicker, like olive oil. Matt held back a
giggle that didn't want to have to explain at that moment.

John quickly prepped Matt's asshole. Matt focused on relaxing his ass. He
was a lot more used to this end of things that what they did earlier.

Then John was lining up, pushing in, burying himself. Matt's ass welcomed
him in.

"Oh yeah," John murmured in his ear. "I liked earlier, but this
is…it."

"Yeah…" Matt responded fervently.

John wrapped his arms around Matt and began slowly fucking him. John's eyes
met his in the mirror and they both grinned. He stroked Matt's perfectly
for another moment. Matt wondered vaguely how John could get so good at
this in such a short time. Natural aptitude and a lot of practice, he
supposed.

John straightened up, took a grip on Matt's hips, and began to drive hard
into him.

Matt moaned in appreciation, then bit his lip.

John smiled and reached over to the hand dryer. The roar of the dryer
covered Matt's next moans as John powered into him. He reached around and
grabbed Matt's cock.

"Yess…" Matt gasped.

When the dryer stopped, John hit the button again, then began yanking
Matt's cock hard as he pummeled his ass. Matt trembled as John controlled
him totally. Matt's groans were probably louder than the dryer, but he
couldn't stop.

Matt cried out and then he was coming over the sink. He felt John's cock
squeezing inside his ass, then John was coming too, emptying himself inside
Matt. It sounded like John was clenching his teeth but a groan leaked out
anyways.

Matt held onto the sink as John's cock and hand finished him off. There
were spots in front of his eyes.

Matt felt John's lips at the back of his neck. Matt smiled foggily at him
in the mirror. John got some paper towels and quickly cleaned himself and
Matt up. Matt just stayed standing there, holding tightly to the sink. He
loved the way John manhandled him.

"Move, kid," John chuckled.

Matt grumbled but pulled his pants back up. He stumbled out of the way so
John could clean his cum off the sink. John washed his hands as well and
threw away the paper towels.

They finished reassembling their clothing. John looked him over, presumably
to make sure nothing was still sticking out. Matt ran his hands over John's
shoulders under the pretense of straightening his suit coat. Damn, he
filled out a suit nicely. Matt was going to have to suggest that John wear
it again, somewhere where Matt could enjoy it more thoroughly.

John leaned down and kissed him. "I'll see you back at the table. When
you've come back to earth."

"Never," Matt murmured.

John smiled and unlocked the door. He checked outside then slipped out.
Matt made sure that there wasn't a parent with a crying kid waiting for the
bathroom, then shut and locked the door again.

He leaned against the door. Did he really just do that? Did John
really just ask him to do that? Detective McClane was a lot kinkier than he
looked…

Looking around the bathroom, Matt wondered again why they were at the
restaurant. Was he acting out a longtime fantasy of John's about sex in a
public bathroom? Okay, public-ish. John had said before he
couldn't endanger his job by real public sex. Why did John bring him here though, to a fancy restaurant? Didn't John realize that Matt
would happily bend over in a dirty stall at a McDonalds? Hell, Matt would
even go on his knees under the table in any restaurant, in full view of
everyone. He loved sex with John that much.

The rest of the evening had been surprisingly good, too. No, not
surprising, he loved just hanging out with John and the food had been
delicious. He'd happily go a week hanging out with John without sex and-eh,
that might be going too far.

Wait, was this a breakup dinner? Farewell sex? It didn't feel like it, but
Matt had been blindsided before, when he thought a relationship was going
fine. He'd been dumped in more than one restaurant, presumably so he didn't
make a scene.

Would he make a scene if John dumped him?

Hell, yes.

John McClane wasn't getting away without a fight.

His brain served up a pleasant image of him and John wrestling on a bed.
Matt would 'lose' the fight and John would fuck him and John would change
his mind about leaving him…

Someone tried the door handle and Matt jumped.

Matt checked himself in the mirror and opened the door. He brushed past a
surprised woman and walked down the hallway.

Walking reminded him that he'd just had sex, his ass slightly tender in
that good just-fucked way. He wondered if John still felt it in his own
ass.

If it was farewell sex, it was the best he'd ever had.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Disrupting the Status Quo

Part 7 - Why They Celebrated

Leaving Matt in the bathroom, John opened the door and went down the
hallway. Schooling his face, he walked normally back to his table and sat
down. He put his car keys back into his pocket. Their waiter, Man-bun, had
cleared their empty plates and left behind a dessert menu. John didn't
doubt that Man-bun and the rest of the staff suspected that they'd just
used the bathroom for a quickie, but the waiter wouldn't comment - at least
if he wanted a good tip.

After another moment, Matt made his way back to the table and sat down
slowly.

John hid a smile. Matt still looked like he'd just had an intense orgasm.
John thought about all the things he'd learned about what Matt enjoyed,
like the reach-around when he was being fucked. It felt good, making Matt
feel good.

"You want dessert?" John asked.

"Uh?"

"Can you believe a place this fancy has a banana split? That's not what
they call it, but that's what it is."

"Uh."

"Split a split?"

"Okay."

John smiled. Man-bun was nearby and John flagged him down. "We're going to
split the praline banana thing."

Man-bun smiled and nodded. Maybe it was just John's imagination that
Man-bun hesitated before taking the menu from John's hands. John squashed
the urge to tell him that he'd washed his hands afterwards.

The waiter asked, "Would you like any coffee or after-dinner drinks to go
with that?"

"Matt?" John asked.

"Um, espresso."

"Just water for me," John said.

Man-bun nodded and moved off.

Matt shyly reached out his hand. John put his hand on the table and wrapped
his hand around Matt's, more loosely this time. Matt still seemed out of
it, so John just held his hand and looked around the restaurant.

For the first time, it occurred to John that someone might recognize NYPD
Officer John McClane here. John had done some news shows after the Fire
Sale, only commenting in a general way, and people still recognized him
from years back, not to mention all the people he knew through his normal
day job, friends of Holly, people he knew through his kids. If someone came
by, what would John say? How would he introduce Matt? His friend? His special friend? Just what did kids call it nowadays anyway?

Dammit, had it only been two months since he walked into that sports bar
and saw that Matt was the person he had arranged to meet? It felt like
longer. Well, it was longer because they'd bonded for a long time before
that online. Bonded… that was a weird word.

"What?"

"You're smiling, McClane."

"I am?"

"Kinda freaking me out, here," Matt said. "Taking me here, saying it's our
anniversary, doing things, then…well, smiling."

"You and Glavonich."

"What?"

"Co-worker today who told me the world was coming to an end because I was
smiling. And had a date."

"Well, you're not usually…smiley."

John shrugged. "I had a date. Have a date."

Matt smiled. "True."

"You're smiley," John said. "Why can't I be smiley?"

"No reason, no reason," Matt said hastily.

"Do you want me not to be smiley?"

"I just, no, Jeez, McClane. Smile all you want."

"I will." John didn't particularly feel like smiling any more, though. He
took his hand away from Matt's on the pretense of getting a drink of water.

"I like you smiling," Matt continued earnestly. "I just worry that there
might be car-launching or helicopter crashing coming after it. Or before
it. Or before and after it."

John grimaced. "You think I like that stuff, that it makes me happy?"

"I, uh, no, well…"

John sighed and steeled himself to resist the familiar of pattern of Not
Talking About It, whatever It happened to be. He'd ruined the only other
important relationships in his life by Not Talking About It. Thinking back
to that pivotal kitchen table fucking, John had told Matt that he was the
only one he was interested in fucking, right after Matt had shown himself
to be surprisingly protective and devoted to John. But then they had
immediately silently agreed to drop the conversation like a hot potato. At
the time, John had even, to his embarrassment, thought that Talking About
It would be 'way too gay.' He'd learned a lot in the last nine months,
after almost dying yet again had forced him to think what - or who - he
wanted in life. He'd learned a ton more in the last couple of months, with
his old stereotypes about gay men falling daily. Now he knew that calling
something 'way too gay' was just an excuse for being a jerk.

So he was going to make himself Talk About It.

"I don't like 'that stuff,'" John said finally. "I just want to survive,
and have the people I care about survive."

"Okay," Matt said. "But… you're so good at it."

"Surviving?"

"Yeah."

"So far."

Matt winced. "Don't say that. You're unkillable."

"Just flesh and blood, kid."

"Most days."

John spread his hands. It was true that he sometimes survived when he
shouldn't have. "Surviving is good, but it's not what makes me happy."

Matt leaned closer. "What makes you happy?"

John asked, "What do you think?"

"Sex?"

John's stomach sank. "That's it?"

"Yankees winning?"

"And?"

"Getting the bad guys?"

"And?"

John waited for a moment, but Matt didn't offer any more. They sat looking
at each other.

The waiter arrived at that tense point and served the dessert and Matt's
espresso.

Matt cleared his throat. "This looks good."

"Yeah," John said. He picked up a spoon to begin eating. Then he set the
spoon down again with a clunk.

Matt looked up and John held his eyes. "You, kid, you make me
happy," he snapped. "And annoyed."

Matt made a face. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, just…" John sighed. He picked up his spoon again.

"You make me happy, too," Matt said softly.

John looked up again with a half-smile. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

John leaned forward to ask, "Because I fuck you?"

"Not just," Matt protested. "I'd still want to hang out if your dick was in
a sling."

John chuckled, startling himself and Matt. "It'd be you that put it there."

Matt smiled cautiously back at him.

John said, "And good food."

"What?"

He gestured around him to the restaurant. "Steak makes me happy."

"Oh. So I'm in the hierarchy below steak?"

"Above steak."

"But below a Yankee's win?"

John smirked. "Depends. We talking about a playoff win?"

"Okay," Matt smiled. "Fair enough."

They dug into the dessert, eating it from opposite sides. It was good.

Not as good as fucking Matt in the bathroom, but still good.

"You know," Matt said quietly. "When I met you, I never would have guessed
that you had a public places kink."

John had to swallow a too large mouthful before saying, "What?"

"Public sex, okay, semi-public sex, you're really into it."

John stared at him. "I am not!"

Matt laughed at whatever expression was on John's face. "C'mon, McClane.
The first time was against a wall, completely out in the open."

"Well, I…"

"Then at Yankee Stadium."

"Uh."

"And now in a restaurant bathroom. All three times your ideas."

"Um."

"Just never expected it from a law and order guy like you."

John blinked at him and wondered what possible excuse there was. "Never
have before you," he mumbled at last.

"C'mon," Matt said. "Kinks don't just arrive with a new partner."

John shook his head. "Only had sex on a bed before, or maybe a couch. At
home."

"Huh," Matt said. "Not even a table?"

"No."

"Huh." Matt took a few more bites of dessert, then asked, "Why do you think
that is?"

John ate his own bite thoughtfully. Was it just that he liked gay sex that
much? He looked towards a nearby table that he'd previously noticed held
several attractive men. He could acknowledge that they were attractive, but
he had no desire to have sex with any of them. Or pretty much any man but
the one sharing a dessert with him.

Why did Matt lead him to do such crazy things? John circled was back to the
thoughts he was having yesterday, about how Matt brought out something in
him that John thought was only the case in those few insane episodes in his
life where tons of bad guys were trying to kill him. But now the adrenaline
and did-I-really-do-that were all about needing to have sex with Matt right now, no matter the location.

John didn't believe in mysticism, or fate. The world was too shitty for
that. Bad things happened to good people all the time. Bad guys got away
with crimes no matter what the good guys did. But there was
something… incredible about John's survival over the years, despite a
lot of motivated people trying really hard to kill him. Maybe the universe
was trying to make up for a little of the garbage it had dumped on him
through his life. Nine months ago he'd been in the wrong place at the wrong
time yet again. But this time he'd opened the right door.

And there had been Matt.

Mouthy, adorable, frustrating as hell.

Perfect.

"Finally figured out what we're celebrating," John said at last.

"Oh?" Matt asked, looking nervous.

"That something-someone-good finally happened to me."

Matt blinked. "That's it?"

"That's it."

A smile slowly formed on Matt's face. "I'm something-someone good?"

"Yeah."

"And this…" Matt gestured between them. "Is something good?"

"Don't you think so?"

"Yeah…" Matt grinned. "Yeah, I do."

John smiled back at him, at this strange young man who came into his life
on a rotten, painful day. Why did it matter that they were such an odd
pair? They were happy together. The rest of the world could go fuck itself.

John knocked Matt's spoon aside and took the last spoonful of dessert from
the plate.

"Hey!" Matt laughed.

John brought spoon up to his mouth and made an exaggerated show of enjoying
it.

"Cretin," Matt said, still laughing.

Man-bun set down the bill with a pleasant 'Take your time.' Without even
looking at it, John pulled out his credit card and handed the card and the
bill back to him. The waiter nodded and took it away.

Matt sipped at his espresso and John watched him. Was there still anxiety
in those eyes?

Man-bun returned with the credit card slip. John filled it out and added a
generous tip - they had really nice bathrooms, after all. He closed it and
set it for Man-bun to pick up. Matt was fiddling with his little espresso
cup.

Matt cleared his throat. "I thought you were going to break up with me."

John stared at him. "What? Why?"

Matt shrugged, looking down at his cup. "I don't know, I never know. I
think things are going fine and suddenly it's over."

"Heh," John said. "I get that." There were many times he thought things
were good with Holly when he was informed that he was very wrong.

Matt gripped both hands around his cup. "Happened to me twice in a
restaurant, boyfriend breaking up with me. Guess so I don't make a scene."

That word 'boyfriend' sent an unidentifiable frisson through John, but he
managed to hide it. "So you have a fear of restaurants now?"

Matt looked up, a half-smile on his face. "Along with everything else."

"Okay," John said. He reached out and put his hands around Matt's hands.
"You don't have to be afraid of me not telling you when you fuck up, okay?
What'd you call me earlier… authentic?"

Matt nodded. "Probably the thing I like best about you. Other than how you
make me feel safe. And the sex. And how funny you are. Oh, and how you look
in a suit. And the fact you like baseball as much as I do. How good you are
at your job. And the sex."

John chuckled. "You already said that."

"I could keep going, want me to keep going?" Matt asked, his eyes bright.
"It's a long list."

"Naw," John said warmly. "I got a list, too, you know."

"You do?"

"Yeah."

Matt leaned forward. "Tell me."

John felt himself flushing, but he said, "You're smart, really smart, but
willing to change your mind. You're so into everything you do. You're, um,
attractive. You, um, well, the sex. You like hanging out with me and, um, I
like hanging out with you, and… Well, you…"

Matt grinned at him. "That's enough, McClane, don't blow a gasket."

John pulled one hand back and wiped his sweaty forehead.

"Let's get out of here," Matt said. "Before either of us say something that
we're not ready for."

John nodded quickly. They got up from their chairs, Matt pulling on his
sports jacket.

They headed out into the late evening, the night air crisp. They shoved
their hands into their pockets and began to walk down the sidewalk.

"It was a good evening," Matt said. "Really good. A lot better than I
feared."

"Gotta work on those fears of yours, kid," John said, nudging Matt's
shoulder with his.

Matt smiled up at him. "You do, John. You do every day."

Warmth spread through John. Damn, what he wouldn't do for someone who
looked at him like that… He hadn't said that in his list of things
that he'd told Matt, but it was true.

They'd hit a rough patch in their…whatever they called their
relationship and gotten past it. With style. And some amazing sex. And some
steak.

"You know what?" John said.

"What?" Matt said, leaning closer. The street lights were reflected in his
warm, intelligent eyes.

John smiled down at Matt. "All my life I've been in the wrong place at the
wrong time. Some say that should be on my tombstone. But tonight, today,
now? I'm in the right place at the right time. Feels good at last."