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Another night of concert, another night full of glamour and glitz, another night in spot light to remind him that he has been blessed with fame and fortune.
Kim Taehyung could only wonder how terribly lucky they were, him and his two bandmates, Yoongi and Jimin.
Their band "Wildcats" have been growing at pace that no one ever dreamed of. They had it all: money,reputation, recognition, love of millions of fans. There is almost nothing else they could ask for.
Even then, it can get a little tiring.
Upon returning to their dorm and a quick refreshment, they gathered in the living room for rejoice and review. Yoongi gets drunk and starts to talk about the how small things can change someone’s whole life, how small speck of dust can change the outcome of the creation of universe.
Drunken genius, Yoongi is. Even though he is just mumbling gibberish, it makes sense, Taehyung thinks.
Yes, an unknown number of insignificant things can shake the world in that short space of time.
But for Taehyung, there is only the one person that can shake his own.
Yes, there is almost nothing else they could ask for
. Almost.
But given the chance, Taehyung would exchange everything he had for that one person who shakes his world:
Kim SeokJin
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How he met seokJin, could only be described as a chance meeting. Or maybe, if you ask Taehyung, it can only be described as the title Jimin’s solo song. Serendipity.They met in a foreign country, when Taehyung had taken his solo trip in between their concerts, fooling the company management to explore on his own.He got hungry and tried to buy food, only to find that the local vendor did not understand a word of english. Seokjin, out of nowhere, had came to rescue, communicating between him and the vendor, helping him buy food. It could have ended like that, Taehyung could have left with a simple thank you and they could have parted their ways.But something about SeokJin pushed him for more, making him initiate a conversation.Maybe he was just amused to find another korean in a foreign land (one efficient in local language of that)Or, maybe there was something about Seokjin’s sad eyes that drew him. There was a tale on unknown melancholy that he wanted to decipher.Seokjin seemed rather indifferent to the conversation, but Taehyung pressed on. It had been so long since someone was uninterested in him, it almost thrilled him. Maybe he didn’t know who Taehyung was, he thought. The chance of making a friend beyond his stardom seduced Tae greatly. Taehyung was a social butterfly, no one could really reject his charms for long. So, a unique friendship began between them. One that was held by Taehyung’s eagerness for adventure and Seokjin reluctant politeness.
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SeokJin, Taehyung would latter find, was nothing like what he saw in their first encounter.For one thing, SeokJin knew perfectly well who Taehyung was, in fact he was a fan of Wildcats. (Part of the notorious 'Cat Brigade')Another thing, is that SeokJin was not some random person (as Taehyung had thought at their first meeting). He was one of the star lecturers at a university, getting a phd at an early age, attending meeting and international seminars on latest developments in his field. He was also one of the popular teachers, liked by students and his colleagues alike. On the day of their meeting, however, SeokJin had just found out that his ex had gotten engaged. Hence his dishevelled state and lack of enthusiasm. Taehyung also found that Seokjin's past relationship was a defining characteristic of his life. He blamed himself for losing his ten year long relationship and vows never to fall in love again. Taehyung thought it was over dramatic, but realised that Jin was really strict in his resolve. He didn't date, didn't even hookup with anyone. In fact, Jin actually had his whole life figured out.Outside of his job, he loves to dance. It's not that he is good at dancing, but he does it anyways. It keeps him busy, both in body and mind. It's a good coping mechanism, stopping him from dwelling too much in his ugly break up. Plus, it was a good way to spend more time with his best friends Hoseok and Lisa.Lisa, Tae learned, is a lesbian and SeokJin's pretend girlfriend. They plan to marry together so that Lisa's family won't disown her. Later they would move abroad and have two kids through IVF. SeokJin will keep one and Lisa the other. They will divorce when the time seems right, so that Lisa can finally be with her girlfriend Jisoo. SeokJin will live rest of his life with his kid.A highly complicated and dysfunctional plan, but a plan nevertheless. Like he said, Jin had his life figured out. Upon meeting them, Taehyung found that he liked Lisa and Hoseok a lot. Like a lot, lot. Soon he was a side piece of Jin's friend circle, spending time in their group chat, watching them do various dance covers, teasing each other.It was only a matter of time before SeokJin's studio apartment became his second home. Any time he was free, Taehyung could be found sleeping in SeokJin's bed; relaxing in the elders sweet scent.
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SeokJin never leaves anyone alone in his apartment, but when Tae was enjoying his morning sleep and he got a call from office, he let him be.Tae woke up and found Jin's message about coming home within a hour, he knew it was time to do what he wanted the most.To reveal the secrets of SeokJin's Wall board. Taehyung slowly removed the black paper that covered the whole of the board, he had somewhat expected it, but it still surprised him.Hidden behind the colour of mourning, was a tribute to SeokJin's 10 year long relationship. Pictures, poems and small tokens of love. Heartfelt confessions that claimed they are soulmates. They look good together, Taehyung thought. Really good, like they were a couple who should have ended up together, but didn't. He could see why Jin was so cut up about their break up. Pictures in the board showed them practically growing up together, they had probably learned more about each other than anyone else ever could. But those pictures and notes stirred a different kinds emotions in Taehyung, one of them, he could not decipher.Sadness was most prominent of them. Especially when he saw the latest note by Seokjin“I will spend rest of my life testing if I can live another day without you in my life, and the day I give up,.. is the day I die” An heartfelt honest confession, a glimpse of the real Seokjin, who hid his pain behind the stupid windshield laugh. Not meant for anyone to see.Taehyung felt guilty for his invasion and betrayal; but more than that he felt fear. Fear that he would lose SeokJin, that his high functioning depression would finally push him off the edge.He was, however, at a loss as to what to do. As much as he wanted to save SeokJin, he did not know how to do it.
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Seokjin liked expensive stuff, that much Taehyung knew. He liked to spend irrationally, another trait Taehyung found cute. He would often tell him about the new branded perfume he bought after saving for months, or the money from the extra project he did that he would spend entirely on a new set of plushies. So Taehyung had taken him shopping with him it the most expensive shops Seoul had to offer, hoping to buy whatever the other chose. But contrary what Taehyung had believed, Seokjin didn't seem very excited to learn Tae's plan. That was the day Tae realised, SeokJin liked expensive stuffs, but he liked them only when he could afford him. He didn't like getting expensive gifts, he felt burdened by them.“Why don't you bring me some Seoul style kimchi for a present? I always loved those” he had said to Taehyung.When they got to the store, SeokJin simply took out his book and started reading, as if all the glamour and glitter around him couldn't touch him. Taehyung could not believe how beautiful he looked, unbothered by the surrounding luxury. He took a picture so that he could memorize this moment forever. That was the first time he posted a picture of another man in his account. He had made sure that SeokJin was unidentifiable in the picture. Still, Twitter was in riot for a whole week.
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He should have known that he was falling for him. He should have known when his heart stopped to see Seokjin with a another handsome man in his instagram with the caption #lifeline ( He would later learn it was SeokJin’s brother Jungkook) He should have known he is falling for him when he found Lisa's gf Jisoo looked like Jin and the first thought in his mind was that maybe Lisa actually liked Jin and Jisoo was his replacement. ( an obscene thought that he removed after moments, but still it was there) He should have known that he fall for him when felt giddy that SeokJin let him cuddle with him, even when Hoseok told him Jin didn't like cuddling. But he finally came into terms with it when Jimin put a finger on it. It was one of his happiest memories with Jin. Jin had come to see his concert and he had brought him backstage, wanting him to met his friends.He immediately regretted it though, when Jin and Yoongi hit it off right from the start. He had prepared himself for Jin to be all over Jimin ( as he knew Jimin was, in fact, Jin's bias), but nothing could prepare him to see Jin blush deeply when Yoongi complimented his voice. He wanted that look for him, that blush for him, he wanted everything about Jin, just for himself.Later that night, Jimin had pointed out that Tae was being mean to Yoongi without any reason, something He thought could only be explained by logic of jealousy. “Admit it, you like him, like, like him a lot” Jimin had said.So, admit it was what Taehyung did.
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“He is my soulmate” Taehyung thinks, it is the only thing that explains the tug he feels toward the other man. But how can that be true, when Jin believes that he has already lost his own? Aren't soulmates supposed to be for each other?? Sometimes, he feels his heart will burst from the feeling. Taehyung can't believe how unlucky he is. He wants to love, but he can't. He yearns to touch, but he can't.He wants to confess, but stops.What good will it bring? He thinks. For all the man and women who want him had always made him feel that anyone will be lucky to have him.But when it comes to SeokJin, he feels inadequate.Even though SeokJin's future plan is twisted, he can still see what he wants. A home, a family, quiet life.Taehyung can give him none of this, his life as a idol would mean thread of long distance relationship, pestering from fans and media, lack of privacy.He doesn't want Seokjin to suffer through that. He is too fragile for the cruel world.So he hides his pain and watches from afar. Finding comfort in the fact that Jin isn't dating anyone else.
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It is Lisa and Jisoo’s wedding. A moment that their little group of friends have always waited for a very, very long time. Lisa's parents had finally accepted her for who she is and to make up for their rudeness all these years, they are throwing Lisa a wedding of her dreams.SeokJin is over the moon; as Lisa's fake boyfriend and real best friend, he can't keep in how happy he is for her, even though his own life plans will have to change a little.He talks to Taehyung over video chat about the wedding for days, showing off his various outfits, blubbering about his and Hoseok's dance routine and amazing food that will be on the menu.Tae is touring, so he can't be at the wedding. However, he does his best to enjoy the vibe through numerous video calls from all his friends . But it all changes at Lisa's bachelorette party.In honor of his friend's freedom, SeokJin had finally let himself lose. Wearing black see through shirt with harnesses, with skinny cut out black jeans( matching with Hoseok). Hair ruffled, eyes lined with thin eyeliner and lip-gloss in his plump red lips, he was really out there, fully embracing his wild side. Taehyung choked on his saliva when he saw Jin looking like a whole meal on Hoseok's instra post.As if that wasn't enough, Lisa decided to facetime him when Jin and Hobi performed on stage; wanting Tae to have full experience of the night. The dance routine, was borderline strip-tease that left Taehyung hot and bothered in his pants. God he wanted SeokJin. Wanted to feel those plump lips on his own (and in other places), wanted to run his hand on those hair and tug it a little, wanted to bite those long milky neck until it bruised and Jin became a moaning mess under him. But his dreams were cracked when he checked Jisoo's new snap. To his horror, Jin was being kissed by an unknown male.He called Hoseok immediately, asking if Jin was hooking up with someone, trying hard not to reveal that he has been seeing red.He was not, Hoseok assured. It was a bet Seokjin lost and was taking the punishment. But Hobi happily informed that they had been trying set the two up. They felt it was time for Jin to move on and Lisa's cousin Hyosang, would make a perfect match for him.Taehyung's mode was not improved the next few day by the wedding photos that were being posted. Hyosang standing next to Jin in each of them, and they are looking stupidly good together.Taehyung felt so angry that he could tear his hairs off. But more than that, he felt urge to mourn. SeokJin would never be his, would he?
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A week after the wedding, and Seokjin Was completely out of the radar. Taehyung tried calling him on the phone, his skype, no answer. All his social media were silent.Taehyung panicked. His heart filled with worry that something must have happened to Jin.He called Hoseok, learned that Jin had apparently been avoiding all of them, took a leave from office and went to Brazil.Brazil, he knew what that meant. Seokjin had told him he wanted to go to Rio before he died. Could it he was considering doing that? Could it be that he was finally off the edge? Taehyung suddenly felt he had to do something. He had to chase Jin. Otherwise, he felt, he would lose him forever.So he called Jin's office and begged them to give him Jin's hotel address. It took a lot of convincing, but he managed to get SeokJin's hotel’s address. It took even more convincing to make Yoongi and Jimin understand his situation, and then all of them to convince the company to let Tae go. ( he would be missing two fan meetings) When all that is done, Tae was on the first plane to Rio.
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To say that SeokJin was surprised to see Taehyung was an understatement. He had never given anyone his address. This was supposed to be a solo trip, One that would him figure things out.“Taehyung-ah! How did you find me?” was the first thing that came out of his mouth when he found a boxy smiled Taehyung at his hotel door.“You can't get rid of me that easily hyung!” Tae replied as he made his way in.Seokjin said nothing as he closed the door behind him. He kept looking down, as if he was ashamed of something. “Hyung! Tell me what is wrong” Tae pleads, he wants to know what drove Jin away.“I don't want to share Tae, that's why I came here, I need to figure it out on my own” Jin replies.“You should not burden yourself hyung, tell me what it is. You can still figure it out on your own, I won't say anything, I will simply listen. Please share with me hyung” Tae said earnestly, hoping his eyes could express his true feelings, that he really truly only wanted what is good for Jin.“Fine” SeokJin sits on the bed and lets out a sigh.“I met Namjoon again” Tae's heart stopped at the mention of Jin's ex.“We kissed you know, it could have been more, but I stopped him, he is engaged, It wouldn't been fair” Seokjin says, his voice is barely above whisper.“And then before that Hyo-sang asked me to date him. That's Lisa's cousin I met at the wedding. We kissed too. But it didn’t feel right” Taehyung's heart is being scattered in pieces, but he doesn't say anything, just nods and listens.SeokJin sighs again. “Namjoon is engaged but he wants to get back together. I.. I don't wanna be a homewrecker, But I miss him so bad. and I kinda wanted him to go on, you know, even though I stopped him.”He continues, “With Hyo-sang everything is great, we have great chemistry and similar interest. Our careers matches out each other as well. When we kissed, he didn't go further because he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable. Weird thing is, I kinda wanted him to go on as well, even though something didn't feel right.”SeokJin let out a heavy breath. “It's like I don't know what I want. No, actually I know what I want, but I can't have it, even though it's right in front of me” he was looking away from Tae, eyes locked towards the window.Tae laughed dryly at his last words. how awfully ironic.He too, can't have what he wants, even though it sits right in front of him. “So, what brings you here?” he asked Jin.“I wanted some time alone to think” Jin let out a chuckle “It's stupid really, I concluded from my experience, my feeling were clouded by need, you know. I have been dry for so long, I would actually sleep with anyone at this point, I guess. So I thought I would be good to come here, throw my chastity belt, hoe around, get laid, get it outta my system so that I could think clearly again”Tae could feel anger bubbling in his system.“I haven't been able score so far. I guess I am out of the game for far too long. And now you are here, what do you say, wanna be my wingman?” he asked Taehyung casually with a smile. Tae couldn't take it anymore. It had hit him hard that the love of his life was considering two potential partners and he was none of them. And now he was asking him to be his wingman??Suddenly, He got on his feet and walked towards Jin. Within a blink of an eye, he placed his lips on Jin. And he kissed him. He kissed him feverishly, kissed him with hunger, kissed him like the world would end right there. Jin on the other hand, closed his eyes in surprise, too shocked to react.“Use me” Tae said when he broke the kiss to breath. “Don't go sleeping with strangers hyung, do it with me, use me instead” That's How desperate Tae was. Anything, he would do anything to be closer to Jin, to feel him against his own body, to pretend Jin belonged to him, even for a night. He wanted to be useful to Jin, even if it was just as a toy, a rebound. Even if the process would tear him apart.He kissed Jin again. This time though, Jin pushed him away.“NO” he said.“What?” Tae asked.“I said NO Taehyung! I can't, I can't do it with you” SeokJin repeated.If Taehyung's heart was broken before, it was now bleeding uncontrollably. SeokJin words had stabbed right in the core. “Why hyung?” he asked, with another humourless laugh. “Am I not good enough for you? Or do you never think of as anything more than a younger brother? If it's the second than let it loose Hyung, I’ve been told I am a pretty good fuck” SeokJin’s whole expression changed. He hid his face in his hands. “No Taehyung, you don't get it! I can't do it because I love you! I have been in love with you for months!” This time it was Tae's turn to be shocked. “I thought I could never love again after Namjoon but I fell, I fell for you. I know you see me only as a friend. Probably a broken case you need to fix. You are way out of the league and we can never be.”Taehyung was so surprised that he couldn't say a word. Jin on the other hand, took his silence as rejection, tears started running from his eyes. “I tried to hide it, tried so much, but its out now. And now I have ruined our friendship, oh my god! Why am I so stupid? I ruin everything, um so sorry!! Please forgive me, UM SO SO SORRY” And before Tae could react, Jin is already out of the room and in the elevator. Tae could only see him crying hysterically as the door was closing.When Tae finally managed to get to the hotel lobby to follow him, Jin was nowhere to be found.
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“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
---Paulo Coelho
Taehyung has always loved this quote. But never before in his life had he wanted it to be more true.There he was, in a foreign city in a foreign land, looking for the love of his life in lunatic hysteria; praying to any god that will listen for his safety.“Help me, please help me find him” he pleads to stars that are blinking above his head. To the moon that is shining.“Please let me find him” he prays to the trees, and to the flowers whose smell fill his nose.He stops panicking to think straight. Jin needs him to think straight. He needs to find a clue as to where Jin can be.His mind supplies image of the Tijuca National Park, where Blu from Rio had tried his first flight. It was the movie Rio that prompted Jin's love of Brazil, so maybe he is there? He hopes Jin is there.And if it was a signal from the stars above, Tae finds Jin, standing on top of one of the hills, figure props against the fence, looking at the city lights of Rio below him.His frame looks so small and fragile against the Rio cityscape, that Taehyung wants to protect him forever.He gets close to Jin as silently as possible. Hooks his hands around Jin’s waist in an attempt to secure him, still afraid he might do something.Jin jumps a little at Tae’ s touch, but doesn't say anything. Tae can see more tears rolling down those soft cheeks, Tae knows that Jin knows it him.He hugs Jin from behind and hooks his chin on his shoulder.“Hyung” he starts softy.“What do you think I am doing here, halfway around the world, chasing you?” he whispers in Jin's ears, feels him shiver.“Why do think I am always sleeping at your bed when I have a perfectly good bed at the dorm? Why do you think I eat the kimchi stew you cook when I can't eat spicy food? Why do think I watch 'reply 1994' when I hate romance? Why do I do all those things, huh?” he says as he slowly nuzzles Jin’s hair with his nose.“I love you Hyung, I have loved you for so long. I love you so much that he hurts. It hurts all over my body when I can't see you, it aches when you touch me. When you hug me, I never want to let go, because you feel like home hyung” he says quietly, all his words are true.“I know I am not much, I know I am terribly inadequate. Young and naive. But no one can love you more, that much I surely know. So please, hyung, please, give me a chance.” Taehyung finishes his confession. Tears roll down his cheeks.Jin turns around and wipes Tae’s tears, his own eyes still glistening; but a smile plays in his lips.“No Taehyung, you are enough, you are more than enough for me. I can't believe someone so pure and beautiful loves me. and I promise I will love you forever, I will love so much that no one will be able to love you more.” Jin says.Tae smiles and leans to press their lips together, and they kiss.They kiss slow and deep, full of love and passion. They kiss like they have all time in the world.Under the moonlit sky and away from the city lights of Rio, two hearts came together to beat as one.And all is well in the universe.