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Cast of CharactersJohn Steed as TonyEmma Peel as MariaCatherine Gale as AnitaMartin King as BernardoMajor George Fancy (From "The Joker") as RiffMike Gambit as ActionMiss Purdey as A-RabDavid Keel as Baby JohnTara King as AnybodysMother as DocBasil Creighton-Latimer (From "Wish You Were Here") as Ice/SnowboyPeter Peel as ChinoRichard Smyth (OC) as DieselPaul Croft (From "Murdersville") as PepeHana Wilde (From "The Superlative Seven" as VelmaMax Prendergast (From "The Joker") as Lieutenant ShrankProfessor Keller (From "The House that Jack Built") as as Officer KrupkeDiana Forbes-Blakeney (From "Killer") as GraziellaVenus Smith as RosaliaGeorgie Price-Jones (From "The Girl From Auntie") as ConsueloPenelope Plain (From "Dead Man's Treasure") as FranciscaWatney (From "All Done With Mirrors") as Glad Hand

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ACT I SCENE ONE.5:00 P.M. The streetThe opening is Musical: half-danced, half-mimed, with occasional phrases of dialogue. It shows the growing rivalry between two British agencies of top-notch sleuths, the Spies and the Amateurs, each of which has its own prideful uniform. The Spies are ministry-trained agents and have been around much longer than the Amateurs, who are untrained avengers although intelligent and adept. Each agency is fighting for the city's business- literally, although at the moment, the Spies seem to have the upper hand. Their leader is George Fancy, also called Fancy-Pants or just Fancy: glowing, driving, intelligent, slightly wacky. His lieutenant is Richard Smyth: Big, slow, steady, rough. The newest member of the gang is David Keel, awed at everything, including that he's a Spy, trying to act like a super agent but usually getting himself in trouble. The most aggressive is Gambit: a catlike ball of fury. His buddy is Miss Purdey: an explosive little ferret who enjoys everything and understands the seriousness of nothing. We will get to know all of these people better later as well as Basil: a self-styled expert.The first interruption of the Spies' sunny mood is the sharply punctuated entrance of the leader of the Amateurs, Martin King: handsome, proud, rugged, a chip on his sardonic shoulder. The Spies, by far in the majority, flick him off. He returns with other amateurs, they, too, are flicked off. But the numerical supremacy, the strength of the Spies, is gradually being threatened. The beginnings of warfare are mild at first: someone being tripped up, or being sandbagged with a flour sack or even being spit on-all with overly elaborate apologies.Finally, Gambit comes across the suddenly deserted area, thrashing his fists in the air. Then over the wall drops King. Another Amateur, another and another appear, blocking Gambit's panicked efforts at escape. They close in, grab him, pummel him, as an Amateur on top of the wall is stationed as lookout. Finally, King bends over Gambit and wallops him in the nose; the lookout whistles; the Spies tear on, Amateurs tear on, and a free-for-all breaks out. Fancy goes to Gambit like a protective father. The fight is stopped by a gunshot and the arrival of a big goon-like thug, Professor Keller, and an ugly diabolical mastermind, Prendergast. Prendergast is strong, always in command; he has charming, pleasant manner, which he often employs to cover up his venom and his mental instability.Prendergast (almost calmly) Don't mind me. Go ahead and kill each other. Saves work for me at any rate.Fancy (acidly) Why, if it isn't that diabolical mastermind, Max Prendergast!Spies (mockingly) Top of the day, Max Prendergast!King And his worthless minion, Professor Keller.Amateurs (mockingly) Top of the day, Professor Keller!Prendergast (sneers)  You agents don't know anything. You're all gonna kill each other and then who will protect the streets from criminals like me and Keller? (He smiles evilly.) And I've been wanting to murder you spies ever since one of you sent me to jail.King We amateurs didn't send you to jail! They did it. (He points to rival group.)Prendergast (lightly) To me you're all the same. (Harshly) Except you Amateurs are so much more stupid than the spies!
(The Amateurs look ready to strike him. King stops his group.)
King Since we're so stupid, we'll just go find our own kind, the kind that can appreciate our talent. (Amateurs all exit.)Prendergast Too bad you crazy spies won't be killing each other today after all. (He laughs evilly and exits.)Keller (over shoulder) Goodbye, chaps!Basil (mimics Keller) Goodbye, chaps!Gambit (mimics Prendergast bitterly) I've been wanting to murder you Spies FOREVER!Purdey (pretends to be Prendergast) It's not fun for me when you kill each other.Basil (likewise pretends to be Prendergast) You've got no imagination, you Spies.Gambit (still keeps up his act) You gotta be creative when killing each other, think of wonderful tortures.Keel (also pretends to be Prendergast) You just don't have what it takes to be a diabolical mastermind like me.Purdey As if we want to be a diabolical mastermind, Prendergast. Gambit Yeah, we ain't diabolical masterminds, thankfully. But we're also not the only agency in the city, so we ain't nothin.Fancy Don't worry. We will be the only spy agency when we're done with the amateurs.Keel What do they know anyway? The Amateurs are new at the espionage game.Purdey The ministry should hire us, not the Amateurs. Gambit Those no good newcomers will steal all of our business! And what are we doing about it?
(Tara pushes her way through the boys.)
Tara Griping and complaining.Gambit  Aw! You still around?Tara Listen, I was a smash in that fight. Oh, Fancy, my brick and I did murder.Fancy Tara, a purse with a brick isn't good spy tactics.Tara Oh please, Fancy, how about my getting in the agency now?Gambit How about the agency getting in with you- ah who'd wanna.Tara You cheap swine! (She lunges at Gambit with her purse.)Fancy The road, little lady, the road(Tara leaves in a huff after smacking Gambit's fanny with her purse. Gambit cringes in pain as Fancy continues.)Fancy We worked hard for this city's respect, and it's ours. But those sneaky Amateurs can move in right under our noses and take it away unless we speed fast and clean them up in one all-out fight.Gambit A barney! (He punches the air excitedly.) Fancy Brilliant, Gambit. The Amateurs want a place in this city's spy business too, and they are tough. They might ask for weapons.Keel (alarmed)  Weapons?Fancy They may not but we've gotta be prepared to take defense. What do you say?Gambit Let's do it!Basil But if they want guns or knives-Keel (calmly) Forget it. I don't want to be doctoring you for the rest of my life.Gambit AwwSmyth What do you think, Fancy?Fancy I say this city's big and worth fighting for. I wanna hold it like we have since we've been here, with skin. But if they say switchblades, so do we. I say I want the spies to be the number one crime fighting ministry!
(Sounds of approval from other spies.)
Fancy All right, chums, we'll duel! Now protocol calls for a war council to decide on the weapons. I'll make the challenge to King.Basil You'll need to take a lieutenant.Gambit (eagerly) That's me!Fancy That's Steed.Gambit (shoulders sagging) Aw, who needs Steed?Fancy Against the Amateurs wee need every man we can get.Gambit Steed don't belong anymore. He retired.Fancy Cut it, Gambit. Steed and I were the head Spies for five years. He's got a reputation bigger than the whole city.Gambit Well, he acts like he don't want to belong.Purdey- Who wouldn't want to belong to the Spies?Gambit Steed hasn't been with us for over a month.Fancy I know, but he's always come through for us, and he will now.
(Music starts playing.)
Fancy (sings) When you're a Spy you're a Spy all the way, From when you're private eye til your last dying day. When you're a Spy, let them do what they can, You've got brothers around, you're a family man. You're never alone, never disconnected. You're home with your own when company's expected, You're well-protected. Then you are set with a capital "S" That they'll never forget til you draw your last breath. When you're a Spy, you stay a Spy!Fancy Now I know Steed like I know me, and I guarantee you can count him inGambit In, out! Now let's get crackingSmyth Where are you going to find King?Keel It isn't safe to go in the Amateur territory.Fancy He'll be at the dance tonight.Purdey Yeah, but the dance is neutral territory.Fancy (innocently) Purdey, I'm gonna make nice with him, I'm only gonna challenge him.Basil Great, daddy-o!Fancy So listen, everybody dress up sweet and sharp. Meet Steed and me at the dance after ten, and walk tall! (He runs off.)Smyth We always walk tall!Purdey We're Spies!Basil The greatest!Gambit (sings) When you're a Spy, you're a top cat in town, You're a gold-medal bloke with a heavyweight crown.Basil (sings) When you're a Spy, you're the swingingest thing little chap you're a man, little man you're a king!All (singing) The Spies are in gear, our cylinders are clicking. Amateurs stay clear, cause every single one is a lousy chicken! Here come the Spies like a bat out of hell, Someone gets in our way, someone don't feel so well. Here come the Spies, little world step aside. Better go underground, better run, better hide. We're drawing the line, so keep your noses hidden. We're hanging a sign says "Visitors Forbidden", And we aren't kidding! Here come the Spies, yeah, and we're gonna beat Every last agency on the whole ruddy street. On the whole ruddy, ever bloody street!

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SCENE TWO5:30 P.M. A shop front.On a small ladder, a good-looking, dark-haired man is painting a sign that will say:"West End Brolly". Below, Fancy is haranguing.Fancy Oh, come on, Steed, why not? You can't say you won't, Steed withoutsaying why not.Steed (grinning) Why not?FancyCause it's me asking: George FancySteed (still on ladder)Can you see the word "Brolly" from there?Fancy (sarcastically)It's brilliantSteed (annoyed)Only a year the boss has had this store. Already, he wants anew sign.Fancy (shakes the ladder)Steed! This is important.Steed (distracted)Very important. I've got to find out what I did with that newshipment of brollies.
(He climbs down the ladder and looks about himself.)
FancyWhat's with you? Four years, I work with a man. Four years, I think I knowthis man's character. I'm a victim of disappointment in you.Steed (still distracted)Now that's nice. Go play with the Spies.FancyDon't mock the Spies. We are the greatest.SteedWere the greatest.FancyAre. Have you found something better?Steed No but-FancyBut what?SteedIt's nothing.FancySte-ed!SteedOh, fine. (Beat.) Every single night for the last month I wake up . . . andI'm reaching out.FancyFor what?SteedI don't know. It's right outside the door, around the corner, but it'scoming.FancyWhat is? Tell me!SteedI don't know. It's like the kick I used to get out of being a Spy.Fancy (quietly)Or from being chums.SteedWe're still chums.
(Steed starts to sort through a box of umbrellas.)
FancyThat kick comes from people.SteedYes, but not from being a Spy.FancyNo? With an agency, you're never alone. When your agency's the bestyou're out in the sun home free home.SteedFancy, I've had it. As soon as you started fighting with the Amateurs, Iknew enough was enough. I mean, how are we supposed to solve cases whenyou're too busy bloodying the stupid Amateurs. FancySteed, the trouble is large: the Amateurs fight hard. We've got to stopthem now. We need you. (Beat.) I've never asked the time ofday from a clock, but I'm asking you. Please won't you come to the dancetonight? (Steed turns away.) I already told the gang you'd be there.Steed (shaking his head)I've gotta finish taking inventory.Fancy (exasperated)Do it after the dance. Come on, Steed, for me!Steed (turning to him with a grin) What time?FancyTen?SteedTen it is, and I'll live to regret this. (He shakes his head.) Nah, maybe not.FancyWho knows. Maybe what you've been waiting for will be at the dance.(He runs off.)Steed (quietly)Who knows.(Music starts playing)Steed (sings) Could be. Who knows? There's something due any day. I will know right away, Soon as it shows. It may come a-cannon-balling, Out of the sky,Gleam in it's eye, Bright as a rose. Who knows? It's only just out of reach,Down a block, on a beach,Under a tree. I got a feeling there's a miracle due, Going to come through, Coming to me! Could it be? Yes, it could. Something's coming,Something good, If I can wait. Something's coming; I don't know what it is, But it is gonna be great! With a click,With a shock, Phone will jingle, Door will knock.Open the latch. Something's coming, Don't know when,But it's soon,Catch the moon, One handed catch! Around the cornerOr whistling down the river. Come on, deliver To me! Will it be? Yes, it will. Maybe just by holding still, It'll be there.Come on, something, Come on in, Don't be shy,Meet a guy, Pull up a chair. The airUs humming, And something great is coming. Who knows? It's only just out of reach, Down a block, on a beach, Maybe tonight, maybe tonight, maybe tonight!

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SCENE THREE 6:00 P.M. A bridal shop.A small section, enough to include a table with sewing machine, a chair or two.Cathy, an English woman with shoulder-length blondish-brown hair and slightly provocative clothes, is finishing remaking what was a yellow bridesmaid gown into a party dress for an extremely lovely young woman: Emma. Cathy is knowing, sexy, smart. Emma is an intelligent, witty lady with a taste for champagne and spying with her cousin, Martin King.Emma (holding out scissors) Please, Cathy, make the neck lower!Cathy Stop it, Emma!Emma One inch! How much can one little inch do?Cathy Too much.Emma (exasperated)  Cathy, I am no longer a little girl, I am a woman.Cathy I know that and so will the men. (She glances at Emma's figure.) That's the whole trouble.Emma Please! One little inch, Cathy!Cathy No, Martin made me promise.Emma Martin! One month I have been in this agency- do I ever even touch excitement? They won't even assign me a case. For what did my fine cousin bring me here?Cathy To meet Peter. He thinks you would make a fine match.Emma When I look at Peter, nothing happens.Cathy (in annoyance) What do you expect to happen?Emma I don't know. Something. What happens when you look at Martin? Cathy It's when I don't look that it happens.Emma (mischievously) I think I will tell Martin about your partnership with the ex-leader of the Spies, what was his name again? Cathy (threatening the dress) I'll rip this to shreds!Emma No, but if perhaps you could manage to lower the neck- Cathy Next year.Emma Next year, I will be married, and no one will care if it is down to here, (She indicates her slim waist.)Cathy Then don't wear it and don't come with us to the dance.Emma (hands on hips) I have plenty of other outfits to wear, you know! (She scrutinises the dress.) Could we not dye it red at least?Cathy There isn't time. (She helps Emma into the dress.) Emma (sotto voce) Fine, but if I don't like it, I'm altering it myself later.Cathy Well?Emma (pleasantly surprised) Alright, you win. It is a beautiful dress! Thank you! (As she hugs Cathy, King enters, followed by an annoyingly proper British gent: Peel.)King Are you ready? Emma Come in, Martin! (She twirls for her cousin.) Is it not beautiful? King Yes. (He kisses her on the cheek.) Very. Cathy I didn't quite hear . . .King Very beautiful. (He kisses Cathy passionately.)Emma (beckoning) Come in, Peter, do not be afraid.Peel (peeking through his fingers) Are you decent?Cathy (teasing) Let's just say that we won't bite you til we know you better.Emma (impatiently cutting in) Martin, it is of the utmost importance that I make a good impression tonight. King (amused) Why?Emma (a with proper, distinguished air) Because tonight is the real beginning of my career as an Amateur!Emma twirls out of view.

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SCENE FOUR 10:00 P.M. The gym.Both groups are dancing wildly, 60's style, with their bodies, but their faces, although they are enjoying themselves, remain cool, almost detached. The line between the two agencies is sharply defined by the clothes they wear, the Spies, girls as well as boys are dressed to the nines, while the Amateurs are wearing loud and flashy clothes of the era. The dancing is a physical and emotional release for these avengers.Emma enters with Peel, King, and Cathy. As she looks around, delighted, thrilled by this, her first American go-go, the Spies catch sight of King, who is being greeted by Croft, his lieutenant, and other Amateurs. As the music peters away, the Spies withdraw to one side of the hall, around Fancy. The Amateurs, seeing this, draw to their side around King. A brief consultation, and Fancy starts across with lieutenants to make his challenge to King, who starts with his lieutenants to meet him. The moment is brief but it would be disastrous if a smiling, overly cheerful young man of about thirty did not hurry forward. He is called Watney and he has tried out for both ministries and failed because of his stupidity, so has resorted to being a go-go caller.Watney All right ladies and gentlemen! Attention please! (The continued hum of talk is heard.) Attention! (The talk finally stops.) Thank you! It sure is a fine turnout tonight. (Ad libs from the avengers.) We are all here to make new friends tonight and become closer to old ones, so we're going to have a few get-together dances! Now, I want you to form two circles: men on the outside, ladies on the inside.Gambit (mockingly) Where are you?Watney (trying to laugh) Funny! When the music stops, each man dances with whichever girl is opposite. O.K.? O.K. Two circles, everybody. (Everyone just stares at him and refuses to move.) Come on! It won't hurt you to try.Gambit (faking a limp) Oh, it hurts, it hurts!(Keller steps forward, and the two agencies remember what Prendergast said about protecting the citizens from the diabolical masterminds and decide to play along for the time being and the good of the public. Fancy steps forward and beckons to his girl, Hana. She is terribly attractive, and a crack-shot even though she is not a member of either ministry. She slithers forward to take her place in the dance. The challenge is met by King, who steps forward, leading Cathy as though he were presenting the most magnificent lady in all the world. The others follow, forming the two circles requested.)Watney That's it, everybody! Keep the ball rolling and all that rot! Round she goes where she stops, nobody knows!(Promenade music starts and the circles begin revolving. Watney, whistle in his mouth, is in the center with Keller. He blows the whistle and the music stops, leaving Spy males opposite Amateur females and vice versa. There is a moment of tenseness, then King reaches across the Spy girl opposite for Cathy's hand, and she comes to him. Fancy reaches for Hana, and the people in both agencies follow suit. The "get-together" has failed, and each gang is on its own side of the hall as the mambo starts. This turns into a challenge dance between King and Cathy- cheered on by the Amateurs- and Fancy and Hana- cheered on by the Spies. During it, Steed enters and is momentarily embraced by Fancy, who is delighted that his best friend did turn up. The dance builds wilder and wilder, until, at the peak, everybody is dancing and shouting "Go, Mambo!" It is at this moment that Emma and Steed— at opposite sides of the hall— see each other. They have been cheering on their respective friends, clapping in rhythm. Now, as they see each other, their voices die, their smiles fade, their hands slowly go to their sides. A delicate cha-cha begins as they walk slowly forward to meet each other and the ensemble fades into the background. Slowly, as though in a dream, they drift into the steps of the dance, always looking at each other, completely lost in each other; unaware of anyone, any place, any time, anything but each other. Finally, Steed tips his bowler to Emma and dares to break the romantic still.)Steed You're not thinking I'm someone else? Emma (surprised) Of course not. Why would I think that?Steed Or that we've met before? Emma (shakes her head) Most certainly we have not.Steed I felt . . . I knew something never before was going to happen, had to happen, but this is so much more.
(Steed reaches out to kiss her hand.)
Emma (unamused) Your hands are cold.
(Steed raises an eyebrow.)
Emma (embarrassed) Mine, too. Do you mind?
(Steed shakes his head. Emma places her hands in his coat pockets.)
Emma So warm.Steed Thank you. You're quite beautiful yourself. So beautiful, in fact.Emma Beautiful?
(Steed snaps out of his reverie.)
Steed Uh, so much to believe. You're not making a joke.Emma When I make a joke, you won't have to ask.(Emma and Steed inch closer to each other as the music reaches a climax. Just as a whistle blows, they fall into an impassioned kiss. King turns to look at just that moment and runs to his cousin's rescue.)King Hey, you! Spy! Keep away from my cousin.Steed Cousin? (Fancy steps up.)King (to Emma) Can't you see he's one of them?Emma (indignantly) I saw only him.King (as Peter approaches) I told you, there's only one thing they want from a woman of your age.Steed That's not true! (Aside.) Well, it's partly true . . .Fancy Calm down, Steed.Peter Get away, you blackguard!Steed You keep out of this, Peel! (To Emma) Don't listen to them!King She will listen to her cousin before a-Fancy (overlapping) If you blokes want to settle-Watney Please! Everything was going so well! Now come on, it won't hurt you to have a good time.King (to Peter) Take her home.Emma (annoyed) I don't need an escort.King Please. I only want what's best for you. After all, we are family.
(Emma hesitates, gazing longingly at Steed, then starts out with Peter.)
Peter (soothingly) Come now, Emma.
(They continue out and Steed's eyes follow them.)
Steed: Emma . . .(He is completely oblivious to King crossing toward him, who is intercepted by Fancy.)King (brushing Fancy aside) I don't want you, I want him. (He indicates Steed.)Fancy I want you though. For a war council- Spies and Amateurs.King (a smile playing across his lips) The pleasure is mine.Fancy Let's go outside.King I will not leave the ladies alone here with your cronies buzzing about. We will meet at midnight.Fancy At West End Brolly? (King nods.) All right, but no funny business before then.King Oh, I understand the rules, g-man.Fancy Spread the word, Basil.Basil Right, daddy-o!Steed Emma . . .Steed (chanting dreamily) The most beautiful sound I ever heard!Voices (offstage) Emma! Emma! Emma! Emma!Steed All the beautiful sounds of the world in a single word.Voices (offstage) Emma! Emma! Emma! Emma! (The singing swells in intensity.) Emma! Emma!Steed (sings)  Oh, Emma! I just met a girl nam-ed Emma, And suddenly, that name Will never be the same To me. Oh, Emma! I just kissed a girl nam-ed Emma, And suddenly, I've found How wonderful a sound Can be! Oh, Emma! Say it loud and there's music playing! Say it soft, and it's almost like praying. Oh, Emma, I'll never stop saying: "Oh, Emma!" Oh, Emma! Oh, Emma! Oh, Emma! Oh, Emma! Oh Emma! Oh Emma! Oh Emma! Oh, Emma! Oh, Emma! Say it loud and there's music playing!  Say it soft, and it's almost like praying. Oh, Emma, I'll never stop saying: "Oh, Emma!" The most beautiful sound I ever heard! Oh, Emma!

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SCENE FIVE11:00 P.M. The rooftop.Cathy and King enter, followed by Croft, Peel, and several girls. One is ableached-blonde bangled beauty: Georgie. The other, Venus, is also a blondeand not too bright.Cathy (to King)Stop lecturing Emma. She is an adult.KingThat doesn't mean she knows the ways of the world.CathyAnd you do? Women of today are free to have fun. King (exaggeratedly sarcastic)Your idea of fun and mine are obviously vastly different.Cathy (in disgust)Oi!Croft (with concern)Is Emma alright?CathyI should be so alrightKing (ignoring her)It won't happen again. We're going to settle with the Spies tonight.Cathy Now they will use her as an excuse to start World War III. She was only dancing.KingWith a Spy.CathyYou would try out to be a Spy yourself if you thought you could make it.King (annoyed)You are not so cute.Venus That Steed is.CathyAnd he used to work for the ministry.PeelUnder a man called Mother, using West End Brolly as their headquarters.CathySteed made twice what the Amateurs make.KingWho said money is everything?CathyYou did, last week.KingHa, ha. If I had only not given up my practice!CathyBut you did-KingAnd came to this lousy agency. We all came here ready, eager, like little children.Cathy (mocking)I know, with our hearts open-Georgie Our arms open!CroftYou came with your mouth open!GeorgieI wish we'd moved to America instead.CathyNow there's an idea!KingIt appears my little flower's been brainwashed! What has happened toyour national devotion?Cathy (exasperated)Nothing!KingSure. You only want to fly across the pond and forget your native country.CathyOh, no. That's not true: (sings) Oh, Great Britain, my heart's devotion, Let it sink back in the ocean. Always the farmers are hoeing Always the population growing And the money owing And the rain comes pouringAnd the natives snoring. I like the island Manhattan.GeorgieI know you do.CathySmoke on your pipe and put that in!Girls I'd like to be in America. Lovely by me in America! Everything free in America!KingFor a small fee in America.CathyHaving a house would be so niceKingIf you could handle the large price.PenelopeI'd have my own car I can driveCroftIf you can stay on the right side.CathySkyscrapers bloom in AmericaPenelopeCadillacs zoom in AmericaGeorgieIndustry boom in AmericaMenSoon there's no room in America!CathyLots of new housing with more spaceKingWorking all day just to keep the placeCathyI think that I'll run for President.KingBetter get rid of your accent!CathyLife can be bright in America!MenIf you can fight in America!GirlsLife is alright in America!MenIf you have spite in America!AllLa la la la la America! America! La la la la la America! America!Georgie/CathyHere you can uncover vast liesMenIf you get there before the Spies.Georgie/CathyFree to be anything you choose.MenUnless you've been to school, you lose.KingEverywhere grime in America, Organized crime in America, Terrible time in AmericaCathySoon you'll find I'm in America!KingI think I'll stay in the UKCathyWe'll hop a plane that leaves today.GirlsBye-bye!KingHa, ha! Everyone here will give three cheers!CathyEveryone here will shed big tears!
(The song ends in a joyous dance and the couples start to leave until only King

and Cathy remain.)
KingMeet me on the roof later.Cathy(mocking)Meet me on the roof later.KingWell, will you or won't you?Cathy(continuing to mimic)Well, will you or won't you?King (getting peeved) Well, will you?Cathy (huffily) You have your big important war council. (He tries to kiss herbut she brushes him off.) The council or me?King First one. (He kisses her.) Then, the other.Cathy (breaking away from him)I'm a liberated woman now, I don't wait.KingBefore you joined the Amateurs, you obeyed me.Cathy Before you joined the Amateurs, you didn't have war councils.KingThey have war councils all the time in America. You'd better get used to it.Cathy (exasperated)Oi!
(The stage blacks out. The next thing we see is what is presumably the exterior

of the flat. There is a suggestion of buildings; a fire escape climbing to the rear

window of the flat. Suddenly, out of the dark steps Steed, who has obviously

figured out where Emma lives because it is also his enemy's home.)
SteedEmma! Emma!EmmaSh!SteedEmma!Emma Be quiet!Steed Come down!Emma No.Steed Emma!Emma Please, my cousin will be home soon.Steed Just for a minute.Emma (smiling indulgently) A minute is not enough.Steed (grinning hopefully back) For an hour then?Emma I cannot.Steed (shouting) Then forever!Emma Sh!SteedI'm coming up!King (from offstage apartment) Emma?EmmaIn a minute, Martin. Now see what you've done?Steed (climbing up)I do beg your pardon!Emma (reaching out to stop him)Sh! It's dangerous, if Martin knew . . .Steed (grabbing her hand)I won't let him know. I am not one of them, Emma,I've retired.EmmaBut you are not one of us, and I am not one of you.Steed To me you're all the beautiful . . .
(She covers his mouth with her hand.)
Martin (from the unseen flat)Emmie?EmmaYes, I'm coming, Martin.Steed(smirking) Emmie?Emma(slightly defensive) His pet name for me.SteedI like him! And he will like me.EmmaNo, he is afraid. (suddenly laughing) Imagine being afraid of you.SteedYou see?Emma (touching his face)I see you.SteedOh, Emma, see only me!Emma (sings)Only you, you're the only thing I'll see Forever. In my eyes, in my words, and in everything I do,Nothing else but you,Ever.Steed And there's nothing for me but my Emma. Every sight that I see is my Emma.Emma Ste-ed Ste-ed.Steed Always you, every thought I'll ever know, Everywhere I go, You'll be.Emma All the world is onlyEmma/Steed You and me!Emma Tonight, tonight, it all began tonight. I saw you, and the world went away!Steed: Where'd it go?EmmaTonight, tonight, there's only you tonight, What you are, what you do, what you say!SteedToday all day I had the feeling, A miracle would happen, I know now I was right. (aside) I'm always right,Emma/SteedFor here you are, And what was just a world is a starTonight!Tonight, tonight, the world is full of light With suns and moons all over the place.Tonight, tonight, the world is wild and bright, Going mad, shooting sparks into space! Today the world was just an address, A place for me to live in, No better than alright. But here you are,And what was just a world is a star Tonight!MartinEmmie, shut the window, it's getting cold.EmmaI cannot stay. Go quickly.SteedI'm not afraid.Emma (crossly) You should be! (more gently) Please.Steed (kissing her) Goodnight.Emma Goodnight.SteedI love you.EmmaYes, yes. Hurry! (He climbs down.) Steed? When will I see you? (He starts back up.)SteedTomorrow.EmmaI work at the bridal shop across the street from West End Brolly.SteedI'll come there.EmmaAt closing time: six o' clock. Steed(starting off)See you then. Good night.EmmaSteed?SteedSh, remember?Emma Oh. When you come, use the back door.Steed (starting off again) Whatever you say.EmmaSteed? (Beat.) What's your first name?Steed John.EmmaI love you, John.SteedI love you, Emma.Steed/Emma (sing)Goodnight, goodnight, Sleep well, and when you dream,Dream of me, Tonight!(She goes inside and he sneaks away as the scene fades to black.)

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

SCENE SIX
Midnight. The back room of a seedy pub.A suggestion of a run down, musty watering hole. A door leading to the Street outside; another leading to
the cellar below.Tara is reading a secret dossier on John Steed; Purdey is playing solitaire; Keel is
huddled by the checkout counter; Gambit is watching the street door. The
atmosphere is tense, jumpy. Gambit slams the door and strides to a bin of
brollies.Gambit
Where the devil are they? Are we having a war council tonight or aint we?
(He pulls a brolly out and stabs the air with it.)Purdey
They probably chickened out.Tara
(her eyes widening as she reads)
He doesn't use knives. He doesn't even use an atomic ray gun.Keel 
(interested)
Who doesn't?Tara
(sighing)
Steed. Gee, I love him.Purdey
(disgusted)
So marry him.Tara
(wistfully)
Oh, I'll never get to marry Steed! I'm too young.Gambit
You'll never get to marry anyone. Too stupid.
(Tara whacks him one with her purse again.)
Gambit
Oh, you got me!
(Clutching his belly, he spins to the floor. Just at that
moment, Basil slams into the room and they all jump.)
What the hell's the matter with you?Basil
I had a run in with Keller, that's all.Keel
Oh, wonderful! Did he follow you here?Basil
I don't know.Tara
Great! Soon all the diabolical masterminds will know that we are meeting here tonight.Gambit
Aw, go walk the streets.Tara
Listen, playboy, I hit you twice, and I'll do it again!

(Tara lunges at Gambit and the rest of the Spies begin to cheer one or the other on. Suddenly, Fancy
enters with Smyth, Hana, and Diana.)Fancy
Come on, Tara, knock it off!
(To the rest)
Spies all present and accounted for?
(Sounds of assent)
Good. You all did well at the dance, I'm proud of you.Gambit
(impatiently)
Where are the Amateurs?Fancy
Unwind, Gambit!
(In concern)
Any sign of Steed?Gambit
(sarcastically)
Naw, he's the see-through man.Purdey
What do you think the Amateurs are going to ask for?Fancy
(grinning)
Mercy!Keel
Just rubber hoses, I hope.Fancy
Relax a little, chums.Hana
(boldly)
You tell them, George.Gambit
(excitedly)
I'm ready!
(He begins to make war whoops.)Fancy
Calm down, Mike.

Tara
Fancy, in a tight spot, you need every man you can get!Fancy
No!Hana
(indicating Tara to Diana)
A British tragedy.Tara
(shooting her with a finger gun)
Pow!Diana
(unamused)
That's really scary.Fancy
Now when the Amateurs come in, you two will have to leave.Hana
We might -Diana
(interrupting)
And then again, we might not.Smyth
This is no place for ladies.Diana
Hana and I aren't ladies. Are we, Hana?Hana
No, thank you very much!(Keller casually enters the pub. All eyes turn accusingly to Basil, who slinks in
the corner.)Fancy
Top of the evening, Professor Keller.Keller
You Spies are really beginning to annoy me. Gambit
(angrily)
If you try anything...Keller
(grinning evilly)
Why shouldn't I?
(He prepares to strike Gambit, but at the
last second changes his mind.)
Nah, I'll let Prendergast share the glory with me.
Won't he be proud that I've discovered the war council.
(He laughs maniacally and exits.)
I'll be back!Purdey
How do you like that? Didn't even say goodbye!Gambit
(in fake disgust)
Criminals these days have no manners.Keel
(quietly)
He was really angry.Fancy
And what happened? A big fat nothing!Keel
(nervously)
But he said he'd be back!Fancy
So what! With Keller, it's all just talk. Besides, he's got no personal
reason to hate us. The Amateurs are the ones who ran him in. You see those
diabolical masterminds, they believe everything they here about us bloody spies.
So that's what we give them: something to believe in.Smyth
(posing as Keller)
Hey, you!Fancy
Who, me, Professor Keller?Smyth
Yeah, you! Give me one good reason for not murdering you in cold
blood, you copper!Fancy
(sings)
Deeeeear Kind Professor Keller,
You gotta understand,
Inside we're really yeller,
E'en though we act so grand.
Our mothers all were cowards,
our fathers were slobby.
Golly Moses, naturally we're bobbies!All:
Dear Professor Keller, we're really upset,
We got more bringing up than any chap ought to get.
We aren't top-notch agents, you misunderstood,
Deep down inside us we're no good!
We're no good!
We're no good,
We're no good,
We're no earthly good,
Like the best of us is no damn good!

Smyth
(imitating Keller)
That's a touching good storyFancy
Let me tell it to the world!Smyth
(imitating Keller)
Just tell it to my boss.Fancy
(sings to Keel)
Deeeeeer Prendergast, your meanness,
My parents were too good,
I never strove for keenness
The way an agent should.
They were too good to have me,
But somehow I was had.
Leaping lizards, that's why I'm so bad!Keel
(singing as Prendergast)
Professor Keller, you're really a square,
This bloke shouldn't be killed, he needs an torturer's care.
It's just his loyalties that ought to be curbed.
Just like a villain he's disturbed!Fancy
I'm disturbed!All
We're disturbed,
We're disturbed,
We're the most disturbed!
Like a mastermind we're all disturbed!Keel
(speaks, still acting part of Prendergast)
Hear ye! Hear ye! In the opinion
of this mastermind, this chap isn't depraved enough on account of his normal home.Fancy
Hey! I'm not depraved on account of I'm not deprived!Keel
(as Prendergast)
So, take him to a torturer. You, Gambit!Gambit
Me?All
Yeah!Fancy
(singing to Gambit, who is pretending to torture him for information)
Myyyyyy daddy spoils my mommy.
My mommy coddles me.
My grandpa's name is Tommy.
My grandma's name is Leigh.
My brother is a vicar
My sister is a nun,
Goodness gracious! Torture is no fun!Gambit
(sings as torturer)
Yes, Professor Keller, he shouldn't be here,
This bloke don't need to talk,
He needs a hitman career.
Society's played him a terrible trick,
Und sociologically he's sick!

Fancy
I am sick!All
We are sick.
we are sick we are sick, sick, sick.
Like we're sociologi-cally sick!

Gambit
(speaks as torturer)
In my opinion, this chap doesn't need to be put on the rack at all. Joining the ministry is due to his social disease.Fancy
Hey! I got a social disease!Gambit
(as torturer)
So take him to a black ops trainer!Fancy
(to Purdey)
Deeeeeear kindly black ops trainer
They just gave me a job
To grab a girl and brain her,
Which means I'd be a slob!
It's not I'm anti-social, I'm only anti-crime.
Glory be, I'll make them all do time!Purdey
(sings as black ops trainer)
Professor Keller, you've done it again,
He doesn't need to kill he's just a ministry man.
It's not just a question of misunderstood,
Deep down inside him he's too good!Fancy
I'm too good!All
We're too good, we're too good,
We're too good good good!
At our jobs we're just too bloody good!Keel
(as Prendergast)
Good lord, this man's an agent,Gambit
(as torturers)
Yes, he's a super Spy!Purdey
(as black ops trainer)
It's not like we could change it,Keel
(as Prendergast)
I guess he'll have to die!Gambit
(as torturer)
The trouble is that early,Purdey
(as black ops trainer)
His loyalties were sown.All
Keller, we've got troubles of our own!
Gee, Professor Keller,
We're down on our knees.Fancy
Please don't kill me now, it's just my social disease!All
Professor Keller, what are we to do? Guess we're gonna have to kill you!(At the end of the song, a middle-aged fat man in a wheelchair enters from the main area of the pub . He is Mother, the Spies' "boss.")Mother
What are you all doing here this late?

Gambit
(sardonically)
We've all got insomnia tonight. Keel prescribed a war council.Mother
(ignoring him)
Have any of you seen Steed? If he's not going to be part of the agency,
he should at least do his job at the store so we can maintain our cover.Fancy
I hate to say this, but Keller and Prendergast know we're here.
(Basil is by now hiding under a table.)
Mother
Good show, Basil. Well, shouldn't you be looking for a new meeting place then?Keel
I'm afraid so.Mother
My own nephew!Basil
(peeking from underneath the table)
I don't suppose a "sorry" would do much good?All 
NO!Mother
Well, back to the matter at hand. Where is Steed? He's supposed to be
taking inventory back at West End Brolly.

Smyth
He was at the dance, and I assume he'll be here at the war council.Mother
(muttering)
War councils. You aren't really planning to fight the Amateurs again, are you?
(All look shamefaced.)
I told you that these barneys weren't good for our image.
If you want to be the top agents, you must remain dignified and not give in to
these sentimental whims.Gambit
Get with the times! The Amateurs won't back down unless we cut them
down to size. Being gentlemanly is a waste of time.Mother
How would you know? You've never tried it! Why when I was your age-Gambit
When you were my age, when Steed was my age! You were never my
age, either of you! The sooner you get that into your heads the sooner-(At this moment, King and three other Amateurs enter. Fancy motions for Hana
and to leave. Followed by Diana, she runs out, passing the Amateurs. Tara is
back huddled by the counter, but Fancy spots her. She gives him a pleading let-
me-stay look, but he gestures for her to go. Unlike the other girls, as she exits,
she shoves the Amateurs like a big tough man.)Fancy
(to Keel and Gambit)
Set em up, Gambit! Champagne all around!
(Keel pulls a bottle of champagne from his coat and Gambit provides the glasses)King
(irritated)
Let's get down to business. I don't like you either, so cut the small talk.Fancy
No champagne, Keel.
(Keel shakes his head in disappointment and throws the bottle out the window.
Gambit does the same with the glasses.)Mother
I'll leave you fools to your own demise.
(He wheels off to the far corner as the two groups take places behind their leaders.)Fancy
I challenge you to a duel. Accept?King
(suspicious)
On what terms?Fancy
Whatever terms you're calling. You've crossed the line once too often.King
You started it.Fancy
Who jumped Gambit this afternoon?King
Who jumped me my first day on the job?Fancy
Who asked you to join the Amateurs, you quack?Croft
Who asked you?Basil
Go where you're wanted.Keel
Back to your practice. King
Why don't you go back to yours?Gambit
Swine!Croft
Bloody bounders!Venus
Stuffed-shirts!King
We accept!Fancy
Time?King
Tomorrow.Fancy
After dark.
(They shake hands.)
Place?King
Hyde Park.Fancy
The Thames?King
Under London Bridge.
(They shake again.)Fancy
Weapons?
(Steed bursts in and is surprised to see his boss.)
Steed
Mother? What are-
(He stops because he sees that the War Council has already begun. Silence. Then he comes forward.)Fancy
Weapons?King
Hmm, weapons...Fancy
You call.King
Your challenge.Fancy
Afraid to call?
(Beat.)
King
Sticks...Fancy
...RocksKing 
...BeltsFancy
...CansKing
...Bricks

(Gambit cringes.)Fancy
Bats!King
Clubs!Fancy:
Chains!Steed
Bottles, knives, guns!

(They all stare.)

What a coop full of chickens!Gambit
Who you calling chicken?King
Every dog knows his own.Steed
Each and every one of you is a bloody coward. The big tough spies have to throw bricks.
Afraid to get close in? Afraid to slug it out? Afraid to use plain skin?Keel
Not even syringes?Gambit
That isn't a duel!Fancy
Who says?King
You said 'call weapons.'Steed
This whole mess can be clinched by a fair fight...if you have the guts to risk it.
The best man from each group to slug it out.King
(looking at Steed)
I'd enjoy to risk that. OK, fair fight.Croft
What!Gambit
(simultaneously)
No!Fancy
Commanders say yes or no.
(To King)
Fair fight.
(They shake hands.)King
(To Steed)
In two minutes you will be like a fish after skinning.Fancy
Your best man fights our best man— and we pick him.
(He claps Smyth on the shoulder.)King
(confused)
But I thought I would be—Fancy
We shook on it, King.King
(angry)
Yes, I shook on it.Gambit
(quickly)
Look, King, if you wanna change your mind, maybe we could all—(Basil, who is near the door, whistles. Instantly, they shift positions so they are
mixed up, no prejudice. Silence; then in comes Prendergast. During the
following, the agencies are absolutely silent and motionless, unless indicated.)Mother
(coolly)
Good evening, Prendergast, Steed and I were just closing up.Prendergast
(evilly)
Clear out Amateurs. Sure it's a free country and I don't
have the right, but, remember that it's a country with laws. And I would just
love to break one. I've got the weapon right now, and you don't.
(He pulls out a gun.)
It's tough all over. Beat it.(A second goes by. Then Fancy nods once to King, who nods to his group.
Slowly they file out.)Prendergast
Say, where's this duel going to be? The Thames? Hyde Park?
(Silence)
I'll even lend a hand if it gets rough. Where are you going to duel? Covent Garden? The basement of Harrod's?
(He is angered by their silence.)
You think I'm just a diabolical mastermind? I want to get rid of the cowards, too! C'mon,
where's it going to be? Get smart, you stupid spies! I ought to murder all of you
for not cooperating. I ought to smash your delicate skulls to a pulp. I'll find out
where you're going to rumble! But make sure to finish each other off, cause if
you don't I will!(Fancy deliberately starts for the door, followed by the others, except Steed.
Fancy stays at the door until the others pass through. Now he looks at
Prendergast and cockily saunters out. Silence.)Prendergast
(looking at Mother)
Well, you try to be nice to your enemies and see
what it does to you.
(Exit Prendergast.)Mother
(indicating Prendergast)
It wouldn't make me demented like him.

Steed
Forget him. From here on in, everything goes my way.

Mother
You think it will really be a fair fight? Not that I care.Steed
(smiling)
Yes!Mother
What have you been taking tonight?Steed
A trip to the moon! And I'll tell you a secret, Mother. It isn't a man that's
up there. It's a girl, a lady!
(He starts singing "Emma" softly to himself.)Mother
Emma? As in Emma Knight, Martin King's cousin?
(Light begins to dawn on him.)
So that's why you made it a fair fight!

(Steed grins.)

Stee-eed! Things aren't tough enough?Steed
Tough? Mother, I'm in love!Mother
Steed, that's nonsense! How do you know you're in love?Steed
Because...there isn't any other way I could feel.Mother
And you're not frightened?Steed
Should I be?Mother
As a former spy, no. As a man, yes.

(Mother opens door and exits, leaving Steed to dream of Emma alone.)

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

SCENE SEVEN5:45 p.m. The next day. The bridal shopHot late afternoon sun colouring the workroom. One or two sewing machines. Several dress maker dummies, male and female, in bridal party garb.Emma, in a smock is playing with a hat. Venus, Georgie, and Penelope are gazing at her curiously.Venus What has Peter done to her? Emma Peter? Why Peter?Penelope Maybe she is just dolling up for us. Thank you, darling.Emma Penelope, Georgie, my adorable friends, can you keep a secret?Venus I'm hot for secrets!Emma No, I won't tell you.Georgie What?Emma What!Venus The poor girl is out of her mind.Emma I am crazy! Penelope She might be a double, she looks somehow different.Emma I do?Penelope And I think she is up to something.Emma I am. Venus I do, I am, she talks like a parrot!Penelope What is going on with you, Emma?Emma (sings) I feel pretty. I feel pretty. I feel pretty and witty and gay! And I pity any girl who isn't me today. I feel charming, Oh, so charming! It's alarming how charming I feel! And so pretty, that I hardly can believe I'm real. See the pretty girl in that mirror there? Who can that attractive girl be? Such a pretty face, such a pretty dress, such a pretty smile, such a pretty me! I feel stunning And entrancing; Feel like running and dancing indeed! For I'm loved by a pretty wonderful Steed!P/G/V  What?(singing) Have you met my good friend, Miss Emma, The craziest girl on the block? You'll know her the minute you see her. She's the one who is in an advanced state of shock. She thinks she's in love; We think she's a pain.Emma (SINGS tipsily) La la la!P/G/V She isn't in love; She's merely insane. Penelope It must be the heat,Georgie Or some rare disease,Penelope Or too much to eat,Georgie Or maybe it's fleas.P/G/V Keep away from her! Send for Peter!  We hope that he will rush to meet her! Modest and pure, Polite and refined Emma (SINGS tipsily) La la la!P/G/V  Well-bred and mature, And OUT OF HER MIND!P/G/V Miss Universe!Georgie You are sure to win the pageant!Penelope Miss Universe, bravo! Speech!P/G/V Speech!Emma I feel pretty, oh, so pretty, That the city should give me its key! A committee Should be organized to honor me. P/G/V La la la la la la la la la la!Emma I feel dizzy, I feel sunny, I feel fizzy and funny and fine! And so pretty That Miss Universe can just resign.P/G/V La la la la la la la la la la!Emma See the pretty girl in that mirror there?P/G/V What mirror? Where?Emma Who can that attractive girl be?Venus WhichPenelope One?Georgie Where?P/G/V Who?Emma Such a pretty face, such a pretty dress, Such a pretty smile, such a pretty me!Penelope Such a pretty me!Venus Such a pretty me!Georgie Such a pretty me!All I feel stunning And entrancing; Feel like running and dancing indeed! For I'm loved by a pretty wonderful Steed!
(They all laugh. Cathy enters from the other room.)
Cathy The jail is open, girls! It's closing time! (The girls cheer and exit the shop. Cathy looks at Emma expectantly.)Emma (flushes) You go, Cathy, I will finish this veil and lock up.Cathy Finish tomorrow.Emma (lightly) I am in no hurry.Cathy I am. I'm going to take a bubble bath all during supper: Black Orchid.Emma (amused) Black Orchid? You will not eat.Cathy After the duel— with Martin.Emma (suspiciously) What duel?Cathy (lightly) Oh, just Martin and one of those men at the dance.Emma (exasperated) Why must they always fight?Cathy (shrugging) You saw how they dance: like they have to get rid of something, quick. That's how they fight.Emma To get rid of what?Cathy Too much feeling. And they do get rid of it. After a fight, that cousin of yours is so healthy. Definitely Black Orchid!
(There is a knock at the door, and Steed enters.)
Steed Good Evening.Cathy (looking in disgust at Emma)  "You go, I will finish up."Emma (defensively) He just came from across the street to sell us some bowlers.Cathy You're out of your heads!Steed No, we're out of the world — Twelve feet in the air!Emma (somewhat briskly) Cathy can see that. (to Cathy) You will not tell?Cathy Tell what? How can I hear what goes on twelve feet above my head? (She opens the door and goes out.)Steed Don't worry. She likes us!Emma But she is worried.Steed She's foolish! We are untouchable.Emma Are you going to that duel?Steed (surprised) No.Emma Yes! You must stop it.Steed I have stopped it. It's only a fist fight. Martin won't get—Emma Any fight is not good for us.Steed Everything is good for us, and we are good for everything.Emma Listen and hear me: You must go and stop it.Steed It means that much to you? (Emma nods.) Then I will.Emma I believe you.Steed You go home and dress up. Then tonight, I will come by for you. I will take you to meet my mother.
(He sees a female dummy and pushes it forward.)
SteedShe will come running from the kitchen to welcome you. She lives in the kitchen.Emma (amused)Dressed so elegantly?SteedI told her you were coming. She will look at your face and try not to smile. And she will say: Skinny — but pretty.Emma (wryly)She is plump, no doubt.Steed (laughing) Fat!Emma (indicating another female dummy)I take after my mother; delicate- boned. Unfortunately, my parents are no longer with us.SteedI'm sorry. My father is gone as well.Emma(shaking her head)It's alright. At least I still have my cousin.(She goes to a male dummy.) Oh, I would like to see Martin in this! (Steed kisses her.) Not in front of Martin!Steed (kneeling to the "Martin" dummy)May I have your cousin's hand?EmmaHe says yes. Not that it makes the slightest bit of difference.SteedThank you!EmmaAnd your mother?Steed (feigning a blush)I'm afraid to ask her.EmmaTell her she's not getting a daughter, she's getting rid of a son!SteedThat might make her change her mind. Mother? (Beat.) She says yes!Emma (smiling)She has good taste. (She grabs up the wedding veil and puts it on as Steed arranges the dummies.)SteedMaid of Honor!EmmaNo, that colour is bad for Cathy.Steed (grabbing "Martin" dummy) Best man!Emma (in pretend shock)That is Martin!Steed (tips his bowler to dummy)Sorry, King. Here we go, Fancy!Emma (to female dummy)Now you see, Cathy, I told you there was nothing to worry about.
(Music starts as she leaves the dummy and walks up to Steed. They look at each

other—and the play-acting vanishes. Slowly, seriously, they turn front and kneel

together as at an altar.)
SteedI, John, take thee, Emma...EmmaI, Emma, take thee, John...SteedFor richer, for poorer...EmmaIn sickness and in health...SteedTo love and to honour...EmmaTo hold and to keep...SteedFrom each sun to each moon...EmmaFrom tomorrow til tomorrow...SteedFrom now to forever...EmmaTil death do us part...Steed (pauses)With this ring, I thee wed.EmmaWith this ring, I thee wed.Steed (sings)Make of our hands, one hand. Make of our hearts, one heart. Make of our vows, one last vow. Only death will part us now.Emma(sings) Make of our lives, one life. Day after day, one life.BothNow it begins, now we start,One hand, one heart— Even death won't partUs now.ACT ONE FINIS

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

ACT TWOSCENE ONE6:00 TO 9:00 p.m. The neighborhood.Spotlights pick out Fancy and the Spies, King and the Amateurs, Cathy, Emma and Steed against small sets representing different places in the neighborhood. All are waiting expectantly for the coming of night, but for very different reasons.Spies(sing)The spies are going to have their day tonight. The spies are going to have their way tonight. The Amateurs, they grumble "fair fight," but if they start a rumble, we'll rumble them right!Amateurs(sing)We're gonna hand them a surprise tonight. We're gonna cut them down to size tonight! We say "ok, no rumpus, no tricks." But just in case they jump us, we're ready to mix! Tonight!SpiesWe're gonna rock it tonight, We're gonna jazz it up And have us a ball!AmateursThey're gonna get it tonight, The more they turn it up, The harder they fall.SpiesWe'll they began it—Amateurs Well they began it—Spies/AmateursAnd we're the one to stop them once and for all. Tonight!Cathy(sings)Cathy is gonna get her kicks tonight. We'll have our private little mix tonight! He'll walk in hot and tired, Poor dear! Won't matter if he's tiredAs long as he's here! Tonight!Steed(sings)Tonight, tonight, won't be just any night. Tonight there will be no morning star! Tonight, tonight, I'll see my love tonight And for us stars will stop where they are!Emma(sings) Today, the minutes seem like hours. The hours go so slowly, And still the sky is light. Oh, moon grow bright And make this endless day endless night!SpiesThe spies are coming out on top tonight! We're gonna watch that Martin drop tonight! That Amateurish punk'llGo down, And when he's hollered "uncle," We'll tear up the town!Fancy(sings) We'll be in back of you, man!Smyth(sings)Right!FancyYou're gonna flatten him good!SmythRight!FancyOne, two, three!Smyth One, two, threeFancy And then we'll have us a ball tonight!AmateursWe're gonna rock it tonight!CathyTonight... (All have been singing at once, reprising the choruses they sang before.)AmateursWe're gonna jazz it tonight.CathyTonight! Late tonight we're gonna mix it tonight.AmateursThey're gonna get it tonight. Tonight.SpiesThey've been at it. They've been at it. They've been at it.AmateursWe're the ones who will stop them once and for all.SpiesWe'll stop them once and for all.AmateursThe Amateurs will have their way.SpiesThe Spies are gonna have their day!Spies/AmateursWe're gonna rock it tonight.AllTonight! (The lights build with the music to the climax, and then blackout at the last exultant note.)

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

SCENE TWO
9:00 p.m. Under London Bridge.An aging ugly cement structure is the backdrop for the fated confrontation.It is nightfall. They almost silhouetted groups come in from separate sides.
There is silence as they fan out on opposite sides of the cleared space. Then
King and Smyth remove their jackets, handing them to their seconds: Peel and
Fancy.King
Ready.Peel
Ready!Smyth
Ready.Fancy
Ready! Come center and shake hands.King
(impatient)
What for?Fancy
(exasperated)
That's the way its done, old boy.King
Look, every one of you hates every one of us, and we hate you right back.
I don't drink with anybody I hate, I don't shake hands with anybody I hate.
Now, let's get to it.Fancy
(sneering)
Surely.King
(moving toward center)
Here we go.
(Smyth begins to move toward him. There are encouragements called from each
side. The "fair fight" is just beginning when there is an interruption.)
Steed
(enters area and starts towards King)
Hold it!
(The fighting stops.)
Fancy
(excitedly)
Steed, glad you decided to join us!Steed
I didn't.
(Shoves Smyth away and steps between him and King.)Fancy: Then what are you doing here?King
(smiling evilly)
Maybe he has found the guts to fight his own battles.Steed
(out of breath from running)
It doesn't take guts if you have a battle,
and we haven't got one, none of us, ok Martin!King
(shoving Steed in exchange for his troubles)
It's King to you!Fancy
(quiet, strong)
Hold it! The deal was a fair fight between King and Smyth.
(to Steed, who has gotten up)
Get with the Spies!King (sarcastically sweet)
Aw, the mother hen protecting her little chick.
Well, I'll give you a battle!Smyth
You've already got one!King
I'll take pretty boy as a warm up.
Afraid, pretty boy? Afraid, chicken? Afraid, gutless?Fancy
(becoming angry)
Stop that!Steed: I don't want to fight you, King.King
Oh, sure.Steed
Now listen to me...King
Are you chicken?Steed
(desperately)
We've got nothing to fight about.Gambit
Like hell we don't!King
(shoving Steed around)
Come on, Chicken!Steed
You won't understand!Gambit
Get him, Steed.Steed
King, don't make me mad.
(He puts up his dukes.)Fancy
Don't just stand there!Gambit
Kill him!

(Steed realizes what he's doing and releases his hands from fists.)King (triumphant): He is chicken! (He shoves Steed toward Smyth.)Steed
DON'T PUSH ME!King
Come on, you yellow-bellied ch-
(He never finishes, for Fancy hauls off and hits him. Immediately the two groups
alert, and the following action takes on the form of a dance. As King reels back
to his feet, he reaches for his back pocket. Fancy reaches for his back pocket as well, 
and at the same instant each brings out a gleaming pistol. They jockey for
position, feinting, dueling; the two gangs shift position, now and again
temporarily obscuring the fighters. Steed tries to get in between them.)
Fancy
Hold him!
(Smyth and Gambit grab Steed and hold him back. The fight continues. Fancy
loses his gun, and gets it back with help from Purdey. At last, he has King in a
good position to shoot him. Steed breaks free, and crying out, moves to stop Fancy.)
Steed
Fancy, don't!

(He stumbles into Fancy, pushing him into King's gun. King, startled, pulls the trigger.
Steed catches Fancy as he slumps to the ground and grabs his gun, while King stares at
his own weapon in a dazed stupor. A free-for-all has broken out as Steed, Fancy's gun in hand,
fires at King's heart. The free-for-all continues a moment longer. Then there is a sharp
police whistle. Everything comes to a dead stop— dead silence. Then a distant
police siren: the men waver, run one way, another, in panic, confusion. As the
stage is cleared, Steed stands horrified over the still bodies of King and Fancy.
He bends over Fancy's body; then his rolls King's body over— and stares. Then
he drops the gun and raises his voice in an anguished cry.)

EMMA!
(Another police whistle, closer now, but he doesn't move. From the shadows,
Tara appears. She scurries to Steed and tugs at his arm. A siren, another
whistle, then a searchlight cuts across the alley. Tara's insistent tugging brings
Steed to the realization of danger. He crouches, starts to run with her to one
escape-way. She reaches it first, goes out-but the searchlight hits it just as he
would go through. He stops, runs the other way. He darts here, there, and
finally gets away as a distant clock begins to boom.)

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

SCENE THREE
9:15 P.M. The rooftop.Emma is dancing about, reveling in the thought of Steed stopping the fight.
Suddenly, a shadow appears in the doorway leading to the flat below. Thinking it to
be Steed, Emma rushes to meet him. But it is Peel.Emma
(surprised)
Peter!Peel (slams the door and turns to her, panting)
There was no one downstairs.Emma
I didn't expect you to come by or I would've-Peel
(sorrowfully)
Oh, Emma!Emma (looking him over)
You have been fighting, Peter?Peel
Yes. I am sorry.Emma
(scolding)
That is not like you.Peel
No.Emma
(talking quickly but suddenly fearing the worst)
You must go home and wash up.
(She opens the door and gestures for him to leave.)Peel: Emma! At the duel...Emma
(becoming concerned, but trying to remain sure of herself)
There was no duel.Peel
There was!Emma
(getting almost frantic)
No, you are wrong!Peel
There was, Emma! Nobody meant for it to happen.Emma
(understanding)
...Tell me.Peel
(swallowing)
It is bad.Emma
(alarmed)
Very bad?Peel (nods)
You see...
(He moves closer to her, helplessly silent.)Emma
(taking control)
It will be easier if you say it very quickly.Peel
(nodding assent)
There was a fight— And Martin . . . And somehow a
gun— and somehow Martin and someone.
(She takes his hand.)Emma
(urgent)
Steed! What happened to Steed!
(She grabs his shirt.)
Peter, is Steed alright?
(The name angers Peel, and he rudely yanks away from her grasp.)Peel
(shouting)
He killed your cousin!
(He exits through the door, slamming it behind him.)Emma
(following him)
You are lying. Peter, why do you lie to me? Peter!
(She becomes hysterical.)
Peter! Peter, you are lying!

(She runs downstairs after him, but he is already out the door with a gun.
Emma runs to her room crying and falls on the bed.)

Make it not be true...please make it not be true...I will do
anything: Make me die...Only, please— make it not be true.

(As she sobs, Steed appears in the fire-escape window and quietly climbs in. His shirt is
ripped, half-torn off. He stands still, limp, watching her. Aware that someone is
in the room, she stops crying. Slowly, she gets up; she looks at him for a long
moment. Then, almost in one spring, she is on him, her fists beating his chest.)

Killer, killer, killer, killer, killer, killer, killer!

(But her voice breaks with tears, her arms go about him, and she buries her face in his chest, kissing him.
She begins to slide down his body. He supports her as, together, they go to the floor, he cradling her body
in his arms. He pushes her hair back from her face; kisses her hair, her face, between the words that tumble out.)Steed
I tried to stop it; I did try. I don't know how it went wrong...I didn't
mean to hurt him; I didn't want to. I didn't know I had. But Fancy...
Fancy was like my brother. So when Martin killed him—
(She lifts her head.)
Martin didn't mean it either. Oh, I know he didn't. I didn't come here to tell you that. I came
to ask your forgiveness, before I leave town.Emma
No!Steed
It's easy now—

Emma
NO! I won't let you!Steed
I must.Emma
Stay, stay with me.Steed
I love you so much!Emma
Don't leave me!Steed
Whatever you want, I'll do-Emma
Hold me!Steed
Oh Forever! It'll be all right. I know it! We're really together now!Emma
(hopeless)
But it's not us. It's everything around us.Steed
(rashly) 
Then I'll take you away, where nothing can harm us, not anyone, or anything.Steed
(sings)
There's a place for us, 
Somewhere a place for us.
Peace and quiet and open air
Wait for us somewhere.

Emma
(sings)
There's a time for us,
Someday a time for us.
Time together with time to spare.
Time to learn, time to care!
Someday!Steed
Somewhere!
We'll find a new way of living.Emma
We'll find a way of forgiving.
Somewhere.Both
There's a place for us,
A time and place for us.
Hold my hand, and we're halfway there.
Hold my hand, and I'll take you there.
Somehow!

(They get up and sit on the bed.)

Someday! Somewhere!
(As the lights fade, together, they sink back on the bed.)

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

SCENE FOUR 10:00 P.M. Another Alley.A fence with loose boards; angles between buildings. Now a loose board flips up and Purdey wriggles through the fence. Timidly, Keel comes on.Keel (curious) Purdey, what are you doing here?Purdey (hiding sobs) Nothing.Keel What are you doing nothing here for? Come on, let's go.Purdey (whimpering) I don't want the fellows to see me, Dr. Keel.Keel Why not?Purdey (totally breaking down) Because I'm crying.Keel (consolingly) There, there now. (They both sit down in an uncomfortable silence.)Purdey (breaking the quell) Did you get a good look at their faces?Keel (nervously) Which faces?Purdey (sniffling) You know. At the duel. King and Fancy's.Keel (quietly) Yes. (He stands up.) I wish it were yesterday.Purdey Me too. I'm frightened! (She springs to her feet.) What are we going to do?Keel We're going to meet the other Spies and have a conference. That's what we're going to do. Let's go.Purdey Do you have a handkerchief first?(Keel sighs and hands her the hanky. She gives it back to him, fully sodden with tears. They leave. The scene shifts to another alley. Basil is pacing back and forth. The other spies and their girls are near by. Keel and Purdey run in.)Basil (sharply) Where have you been?Keel (peevishly) Where do you think we've been?Smyth We thought the police caught you.Keel (offended) Most certainly not!Basil You didn't see Steed?Keel No, only bobbies.Gambit (concerned) What's wrong with Purdey?Keel (quickly) There's nothing wrong with her. (He gets defensive.) She's fine, you get it?Gambit (also defensively) All right, all right.Smyth: Maybe we ought to go home.Gambit (snorting) What for? I'll bet ya they got him!Basil Not Steed!Keel Steed was great, wasn't he, Purdey?Purdey (hiding her tears) He really came through for the Spies.Keel Just like Fancy said he- (He stops. Everybody is silent for a moment, thinking of their late leader.) -said he would.Hana (starts crying) George! George! I want George! (She wails into Diana's shoulder.)Diana (comfortingly) Come on, Hana. That's a girl!Gambit (slowly) Nobody was supposed to get killed. It just- (He suddenly gets angry.) They're going to pay!Smyth Those bloody Amateurs!Gambit Dirty fighting!Smyth They started it!Gambit So why don't we finish it?Basil (warily) Cool it, Gambit!Gambit (ignoring Basil) We've got to show them who's on top!Smyth The Spies!Gambit Let's do it now! (He's rallied most of the Spies' support, except for Purdey, Keel, and Basil. Purdey bravely steps up to him.)Purdey Haven't we had enough?Gambit What are you, scared?Purdey (trying to act tough) Who are you calling scared?Keel (annoyed) Stop bothering her.Gambit (to Keel) Mind your own business! Keel This is my business.Gambit I'm not so sure! (He grabs Keel's neck and begins choking him. The rest of the Spies gain up on Gambit and pull him off. By now everyone is shouting and shoving each other. Basil untangles himself from the din and yells in a loud voice.)Basil SHUT UP, YOU HOOLIGANS!Gambit I don't have to take an order from anybody! I swear the next bounder who calls me a hooligan-Basil (bellowing) You'll Laugh! (Instant silence as everyone stares at Basil, amazed and intrigued by his sudden take-charge manner.) Yeah. Now you all better listen up and listen well. No matter who or what is bothering you, you show it, and you are dead! You are cutting a hole in yourselves for them to stick in a red-hot brolly and open it wide! You want to get past the cops when they start asking questions about tonight? You play it cool. You want to live in this lousy world? Play it cool.Gambit I want to get even!Basil Get cool!Smyth I want to bust!Basil Bust cool!Gambit I want to go!Basil Go cool! (sings) Boy, boy,  Crazy boy, Get cool, boy. Got a rocket In your pocket?  Keep coolly cool, boy!Don't get hot, Cause, man you've got Some high times ahead. Take it slow, And, daddio, You can live it up and die in bed. Boy, Boy, Crazy boy, Stay loose boy. Breeze it, buzz it, Easy does it. Turn off the juice, boy! Go, man go, But not like a yo-yo School boy! Just play it cool, boy, Real cool. (He snaps for several measures.) Easy, Gambit. (He snaps some more.) Sh!
(Purdey grunts and snaps loudly.)
Basil Cool it, Purdey, cool it! Cool it!Purdey (giggling) POW! (She giggles more uncontrollably.)All (clapping) OOH! (More clapping ensues.) Ah! (They all snap.) Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow!Girls Cool!First Guy Group Go!Second Guy Group Crazy!Girls Cool!First Guy Group Go! Second Guy Group Crazy! First Guy Group Go! All (singing) Boy, Boy, Crazy boy,  Stay loose boy.  Breeze it, buzz it,  Easy does it. Turn off the juice, boy!Basil Just play it cool, boy,  Real cool.Basil (notices they are now "cool") Ok, let's go.Gambit POW!
(At the end of the song Tara appears out of the shadows.)
Tara Hey, fellows!Gambit Oh, go wear a skirt!Tara I can't kick and fight in a skirt. Listen...Basil The first thing we do is to start going about town as if we've got nothing to hide.Purdey But suppose they ask about the duel?Tara Suppose they ask about Steed and what party's looking for him with a gun.Basil Hey, do you know something?Tara I know I've got to go get a skirt. (She starts off, but Basil pulls her back.)Basil Come on, Tara!Purdey (scornfully) Oh, what does Little Miss Muffet know?Tara (defensively) Plenty. I figured somebody ought to infiltrate Amateur territory and spy around. I'm very large with shadows, you know. I can slip in and out of them like the wind through a fence.Gambit Boy, is she ever making the most of it!Basil (to Tara) What did you hear?Tara I heard Peel telling the Amateurs something about Steed and King's Cousin. And then Peel said, "If it's the last thing I do, I'm going to get that Steed!" And then he pulls out the bad news!Gambit What did I tell you? Those Amateurs won't stop!Basil Easy, Gambit!Smyth Till we stop them!Keel Yeah!Basil Aren't you all forgetting? Steed came through for the Spies. We've got to find him before Peel does and kills him.Purdey Right!Basil OK then! Gambit-cover the river. (Gambit runs off.) Purdey-get over to West Side Brolly. (Purdey slinks away.)Keel I'll take the back alleys.Hana Diana and I will take to the streets.Smyth I'll cover the parks.Basil Good, men! (He begins to run off.)Tara What about me?(Basil stops running.) Basil In and out of the shadows. Maybe you'll find Steed in one of them.Tara Right! (She starts off.)Basil Hey! (Tara stops.) You've done good, fellow Spy.Tara (She has fallen in love.) Thanks, Basil darling.(They both run off. Peel enters, looking from the shadows, holding a gun. He exits swiftly.)

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

SCENE FIVE11:30 P.M. The bedroom.The light is, at first, a vague glow on the lovers, who are asleep on the bed. From
offstage, faint at first, there is a sound of knocking. It gets louder; Steed stirs. At a
distance, a police siren sounds, and the knocking is now very loud. Steed bolts upright.
Cathy comes in from outside and goes to the bedroom door—which is locked—tries the
knob.Cathy
(holding back tears)
Emma...? Emma?

(Steed is reaching for his shirt when Emma sits up.
Quickly, he puts his hand, then his lips, on her lips.)

Emma, it's Cathy. Why are you locked in?Emma
(thinking up a quick lie)
I...didn't know it was locked.Cathy
Open the door. I need you.
(Emma reaches for the knob, but Steed stops her.)
Emma
(whispers)
Now you are afraid, too.Cathy
(suspicious)
What?Emma
(loudly)
One moment.Steed
(whispering)
Mother'll help us escape. Meet me at West Side Brolly.
(In the other room, Cathy is aware of voices but unsure of what they are saying.)
Emma
(quietly)
At West Side Brolly, yes.
(aloud)
Coming, Cathy.Steed
(kisses her)
Hurry!
(He scrambles out the window as Emma hastily puts a bathrobe over her slip. In
the other room, Cathy has stiffened and moved away from the door. She stands
staring at it coldly as Emma prattles to her through the door.)
Emma
Did you see Peter? He was here before, but he left so angrily I think
maybe he...

(She opens the door and see's Cathy's look. A moment, then
Cathy pushes her aside: looks at the bed, at the window, then turns accusingly
to Emma.)

All right: now you know.Cathy
(savagely)
And you still don't know: Steed is one of them!Emma
(protests)
No!Cathy
(sings)
A man like that who'd kill your cousin.
A man like that's a dime a dozen.
Stick to your own kind,
One of your own kind.

A man like that will give you sorrow.
You'll meet another man tomorrow.
One of your own kind,
Stick to your own kind.

A man who kills cannot love,
A man who kills has no heart.
And he's the man who gets your love
And gets your heart—
Very smart, Miss Emma,
Very smart!

A man like that wants one thing only,
And when he's done, he'll leave you lonely.
He'll murder your love;
He murdered mine.
Just wait and see—
Just wait, Miss Emma,
just wait and see!J

Emma
(sings)
Oh, no, Cathy, no,
Oh, Cathy no.
It isn't true,
Not for me.
It's true for you,
Not for me.
I hear your words, and in my head,
I know they're smart,
But my heart, Cathy,
But my heart
Knows they're wrong!
You should know better.
You were in love,
Or so you said.
You should know better.

I have a love,
And it's all that I have,
Right or wrong.
What else can I do?
I love him. I'm his,
And everything he is,
I am too.

I have a love,
And it's all that I need,
Right or wrong,
And he needs me, too.
I love him. We're one.
There's nothing to be done,
Not a thing I can do,
But hold him,
Hold him forever.
Be with him now,
tomorrow,
And all of my life.Both
When love comes so strong,
There is no right or wrong.
Your love is your LIFE!Cathy
(quietly)
Peter has a gun. He has set out to hunt for Steed—Emma 
(tears off her bathrobe) 
If he hurts Steed—If he touches him—I swear to you I'll—Cathy
(sharply)
You'll do what Steed did to Martin?Emma
(softly, after a pause)
I love Steed.Cathy
(understanding)
I know. I loved Martin.
(Prendergast comes into the outer room.)
Prendergast
Anybody home?

(He goes to bedroom.)

Don't you people lock your doors?Emma
(puts her robe back on)
What are you doing here?Prendergast
(grins evilly)
Came to settle some unfinished business. Eliminate what's left of the competition.
I can't find any Spies at the moment, so you Amateurs will have to do.

(He pulls out a record player and begins playing "Mein Leib, Mein Rose.")

You first, Miss Knight.

(He lunges for Emma.)Emma
(warding him off)
Cathy, you must go to West Side Brolly and warn Steed!

(She dodges blows.)

Tell him I'll be there as soon as I can!Cathy
Are you sure you can handle Prendergast alone?Emma
(karate chopping Prendergast)
What do you think?

(Cathy nods and hurries out. The fight continues as the stage fades to black.)

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

SCENE SIX 11:40 P.M. West Side BrollyTara and some of the Spies are there as Purdey and the other Spies run in.Gambit Where's Steed?Tara In the storeroom with Mother. (She blushes.) I found him.Smyth Did you warn him about Peel?Tara Mother said he'd tell him.Purdey What's he hiding in the storeroom from?Gambit Maybe he can't run as fast as you.Basil Knock it off, Gambit. (To the others) Look casual, blokes. Some of you get outside and see if Peel or any of those dirty Am—(The shop doorbell tinkles as Cathy enters. Cold silence, then slowly she comes down to the counter. They all stare at her. A long moment. Then Cathy speaks.)Cathy I'd like to see Mother.Gambit He isn't here.Cathy Where is he?Purdey He's gone to the bank. There was an error in his favour.Cathy (annoyed)  The banks are closed at night. Where is he?Purdey You know how stupid Mother is. He tried to slip in through the night-deposit slot—Tara —and got stuck halfway in.Gambit Which indicates there's no telling when he'll be back, so hasta la vista, Cathy.
(Cathy starts toward the storehouse door.)
Smyth Where are you going?Cathy (sarcastically) Where do you think I'm going?Gambit I told you, Mother ain't here!Cathy I'd like to see for myself.Gambit (nastily) Please.Cathy (controlling herself) ...please will you let me pass?Basil Pass what?Cathy (low) Don't.Gambit Please don't.Keel Pretty please.Purdey With a cherry on top?Tara Don't forget the whipped cream!Cathy Listen, you— (She controls herself.)Gambit We're listening.Cathy I've got to give a friend of yours a message, I've got to tell Steed—Smyth He isn't here.Cathy I know he is.Gambit Who says he is?Purdey Who's the message from?Cathy Never mind.Gambit Couldn't be from Peel, could it?Cathy (angrily) I want to stop Peter! I want to help!Tara Aw, Martin's girl wants to help, but she wants to help get Steed!Cathy  No!Basil She isn't much— King's tramp.Gambit Dirty Amateur! Keel Bloody traitor!Cathy Don't do that!Smyth Stinking wench!Tara Martin's little spy!Gambit Lying little fink!(The taunting breaks out into a wild, savage dance, with epithets hurled at Cathy, who is encircled and driven by the whole pack. She tries a few judo moves, but Gambit and Smyth quickly grab her arms. At the peak of the scuffle, she is shoved so that she falls in the corner. Purdey is lifted up high and dropped on her as Mother enters from the storeroom door and yells.)Mother Stop it! . . . What've you been doing now?
(Dead silence. Cathy gets up and looks at them.)
Cathy Martin was right . . . If one of you was lying bleeding in the street, I'd walk right by and spit on you. (She flicks herself off and makes her way toward the door.)Basil Don't let her go!Gambit She'll tell Peel that Steed—
(Keel grabs her; she shakes loose.)
Cathy Let go! (She pulls out a gun from her garter and faces them.) I've got a message for your Spy buddy. Tell that murderer that Emma's never going to meet him! Tell him that Prendergast found her at her flat— and killed her!
(She slams out. There is a stunned silence.)
Mother What does it take to get through to you? See what happens when you let sentiment dominate your minds! People get killed, lives get destroyed— all from your stupidity! Get out of my store!
(Slowly, they start to file out. The lights fade.)

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

SCENE SEVEN 11:50 P.M. The storeroomCramped: a box or crate; a door to the outside. Steed is pacing back and forth as Mother enters the room, some bills in his hands.Steed Make a big sale?Mother No.Steed (taking the money that Mother is holding) Thanks for the advance. I'll pay you back as soon as I can.Mother Forget that.Steed I won't; I couldn't. Mother, you know what we're going to do in the country, Emma and I? We're going to have children, and when they grow up they're all going to be mothers, even the guys. Then when you come to visit—Mother (yelling) Wake up! Is this the only way to get through to you? Do just what you all do? Burst like a hot-water pipe?Steed: Mother, what's gotten into—Mother (overriding angrily) Why do you live and spy like there's a war going on? (He lowers his voice.) Why do you all kill?Steed I told you how it happened, Mother. Emma understands. I thought you did, too.Mother I never had an Emma.Steed (gently) I have, and I'll tell you one thing, Mother. Even if it only lasts from one night to the next, it's worth the world.Mother That's all it did last.Steed What?Mother That was no customer upstairs just now. That was Cathy. (Pause.) Emma is dead. Prendergast has finally started his revenge on us spies and amateurs. He killed Emma!(A brief moment. Steed looks at Mother, stunned, numb. He shakes his head as though he cannot believe this. Mother holds out his hands to him, but Steed backs away, then suddenly turns and runs out the door. As he does, the set flies away and the stage goes dark. In the darkness we hear Steed's voice.)Steed Prendergast? PRENDERGAST! Come out and fight like a man, Prendergast!

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SCENE EIGHT Midnight. The street.The lights come up to reveal the same set we saw at the beginning of Act One—but it is now jagged with shadows. Steed stands in the emptiness, calling, whirling around as a figure darts out if shadows and then runs off again.Steed Prendergast, come out and fight me!Tara (whispering from the dark) Steed...Steed (whirls around) Who's that?Tara (darting onstage) It's me, Tara.Steed Get out of here! Prendergast! I'm going to avenge Emma's death, no doubt about that! Why don't you just show yourself and get it over with!Tara What are you doing, Steed?Steed I said get out of here! PRENDERGAST!Tara Look, maybe if you and I just—Steed (savagely) Spying is not fun and games! Can't any of you get that?Tara But I'm one of the Spies now!Steed You're a girl. BE A GIRL! Get out of the spies while you can! Now beat it! (She retreats.) PRENDERGAST, I'M CALLING FOR YOU PRENDERGAST! HURRY! IT'S CLEAR NOW. THERE'S NOBODY BUT ME. COME ON! Will you, please! I'm waiting for you. I want to kill you... (Suddenly, all the way across the stage from him, a figure steps out of the dark. He stops and pears as a light starts to glow on it. He utters an unbelieving whisper.) Emma?Emma Steed...
(As she holds out her arms toward him, another figure appears: Peel.)
Steed Emma! EMMA! (As they run to each other, there is a gunshot. Steed stumbles, as though he has tripped. Emma catches him and cradles him in her arms as he falters to the ground. During this, Purdey and Keel run on; then Croft and Cathy and the other Amateurs. Peel stands very still, bewildered by the gun dangling from his hand. More spies and Amateurs appear, some girls run on, and Mother comes out to stare with them.)Steed (quietly) I didn't believe hard enough.Emma Loving is enough.Steed Not here. They won't let us be. Emma (desperately) Then we'll get away.Steed (weakly)Yeah, we can.EmmaYes!Steed (faintly)We will. (He shivers, as though a pain went through him.)Emma (whispering) Yes! (She holds him closer and begins to sing tearily—without orchestra.) There's a place for us Somewhere a place for us. Peace and quiet and open airWait for us some—(He has started to join in on the third word. She sings harder, as though to urge him back to life, but his voice falters and he barely finishes the line. She sings on, a phrase or two more, then stops, his body quiet in her arms. Emma can't feel a pulse. A moment, and then she rests Steed gently on the ground. Lightly she brushes Steed's lips with her fingers. Behind her, Basil, in front of the group of Spies, moves to lead them toward Peel. Emma speaks, her voice cold, sharp.)Stay Back! (She gets up, walks to Peel and holds out her hand. He hands her the gun. She speaks again, her voice flat and hard.) I'm going to fire this gun, Peter, just by pulling this little trigger.
(She aims at Peter; he draws back. She has all of

them in front of her now, as she holds the gun out and her voice gets stronger

with anger and savage rage.)
How many bullets are left, Peter? Enough for you?
(She points it at the amateurs.)
and You?
(She aims at spies.)
Emma (very angry)All of you, you all killed him. And my cousin...And Fancy. Not with bullets and guns...WITH HATE! Well, I can kill, too, because now I HAVE HATE! (She had been pointing the gun wildly, and they have been drawing back. Now she holds it straight out at Basil.) How many can I kill, Peter? How many?  (Both hands on the gun, she pushes it forward at Basil, but cannot fire. She breaks into sobs, hurls the gun away, and sinks to the ground.) Oh no! (More sobs. There is a long silence where several police arrive, look around, and start toward Steed's body. Like a madwoman, Emma puts her arms around it, all-embracing, protecting, as she cries out.) Don't you TOUCH HIM! (The police step back. Keller, Prendergast, and Watney have appeared in the shadows behind the police. Emma now turns and pleads with the two rival groups with her eyes. Nobody moves. Slowly, Cathy comes and stands by the body. Now Emma looks at Basil. He too, comes forward, with Smyth, to stand by the body. Croft joins Cathy. Then Emma leans low over Steed's face and says softly, privately:) I love you, John.
(She kisses him gently. After another long silence, Steed begins slowly to stir.)
Steed (coughing and beginning to sing) There's a time for us, Someday a time for us, time together with time to— (He coughs louder. Everyone stares in shock.)Steed (still weakly, but somewhat amused) What? It will take more than Peel's poor aim to kill me.
(Emma is in near rapture.)
Emma (sings) Time together with time to spare, Time to learn, time to care! Someday, somewhere.Steed (regaining his strength)We'll find a new way of livingEmma (looks at everyone)We'll find a way of forgiving, somewhere.Both There's a place for us,A time and place for us. Hold my hand, and we're halfway there. Hold my hand, and I'll take you there. Somehow...Someday...Somewhere!
(They kiss passionately.)
Steed (still fairly weak)Now could you please get me to a doctor before I die for real?Keel (annoyed)Doctor? What do you think I am?(Music starts as three Spies try to pick up Steed and begin to slip. Two Amateurs come to the rescue on an impulse. Both groups gaze at each other in wonder, and peace is made. They carry Steed out. The others, men and women, fall in behind to make a procession, as Purdey touches Emma's shoulder consolingly. Purdey follows the procession. Emma sits quietly as the music builds, the lights start to come up, and the procession makes its way across the stage. At last, she gets up and, lifts her head proudly and, triumphantly turns to follow the others. The police arrest Peel, Prendergast, and Keller and escort them off the stage. The remaining two— Mother and Watney are left bowed, alone, useless.)The Curtain Falls.The End!