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They cleaned up for tonight.Not that Caitlin ever doesn’t dress up to the nines just for an ordinary work day, but she pulled all the stops this time. Hair curled carefully, red lipstick, those dangly silver snowflake earrings he bought her on her 32nd birthday, and that dress . A beautiful above the knee number with sleeves that somehow still weren’t sleeves at the same time.The point was, it was stunning, Caitlin was stunning, and it only further encouraged Cisco to proceed with his plan. Cisco’s been jiggling his leg under the table for some time now in anticipation of this moment. “What’s that?” Caitlin asked cautiously, looking away from the lavish chandelier in the center of the very expensive restaurant when the lights dimmed to create a romantic ambiance. Cisco popped open the little velvet box with a flourish to reveal the silver chain necklace with a very distinctively shaped pendant. “A key.” “...A key,” She repeated slowly, her voice dropping dangerously flat. Her eyes trained on the box as if it was actually a crate of spiders. Cisco suddenly knew with a sinking feeling in his gut that this was not going to go the way he planned. “For my apartment,” Cisco unnecessarily clarified. It was painfully clear Caitlin knew exactly what it was for. “Why?” Cisco swallowed. “It’s our anniversary,” he reminded gently. “We’ve been together for three years. I want to make a home with you, Cait.” Caitlin looked so tense her knuckles turned white around her clutched fork. She finally removed her locked stare from the key to look at him. “I don’t know…” Their waiter interrupted to refill their wine. The two sat in tense silence, staring at their desserts and murmuring toneless thank yous before the waiter rushed away. Their silence lasted a beat too long after the waiter left. Cisco felt a little sick. “You don’t want…?” Caitlin worried her bottom lip into her teeth, and placed her hand over Cisco’s. “It’s a lovely necklace, Cisco, but no, I don’t want to move in with you.” He tugged his hand abruptly from hers by reflex of rejection, and felt a stab of regret when Caitlin’s face crumpled a little bit. He took a deep breath. “Okay,” he said, trying to sound light and put the box back into his pocket. “Okay, that’s fine.” He gave her a lopsided smile. “Do you want me to take you home?” Caitlin looked like he slapped her in the face. “I thought we were going to spend the night together.” “Oh.” Cisco floundered. “I just thought…” He didn’t know what was running through his girlfriend’s mind. Cisco thought himself to be an expert at reading Caitlin, but somehow between dinner and dessert they went out of sync. Caitlin took his hesitation as some sign that the night was decidedly over, and she began to gather her things. She slid over her credit card and said hastily, “No, you’re right. I should go home. I’ll pay for dinner, I’m sorry.” She gave him a fake smile and leaned over the table to kiss the corner of his mouth. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you.” “I love you too,” he replied automatically, too confused to do anything but sit frozen in his seat. Their waiter came back and halted when he saw Cisco in the booth alone looking gutted. He approached Cisco carefully. “Did she go to the washroom?” Cisco glanced at him wearily, pulling his own wallet out from his suit pocket and tucking Caitlin's credit card away. “I think I’ll take the check.” ~.~ Cisco drove Caitlin’s car to the restaurant, so he had to walk three blocks to find a dark alleyway that was quiet enough to breach home. He jumped out of his swirling vortex and flopped onto his bed. He aggressively brushed off the little rose petals he had scattered around and pointedly ignored the box of chocolates and bottle of champagne he had sitting expectantly in the corner of his room. He kicked off his shiny polished black dress shoes and loosened his tie with a dreary sigh. He really hadn’t thought that Caitlin would flat out say no. A “let me think about it,” wouldn’t have been terribly surprising, but Cisco was really counting on a yes. An enthusiastic yes. Not...Whatever that was. It didn’t make sense. Because Cisco knew, he knew , that this was it. They were in it for the long haul. He knew it not because of their intimacy, the authenticness of the epic bond they shared built upon ten years of friendship, or even his desperate hope and naive faith which, admittedly, has burned him on more than one occasion with past flames. He knew because Caitlin knew it. She was happier. Not just because of their relationship, Cisco wasn’t entitled enough to believe he was the sole cause of a monumental shift in Caitlin’s personality. But she was happier. With herself and Killer Frost, with her parents, with her work and Star Labs and her hobbies that she’s picked up again. She’s the happiest she’s ever been since they’ve first met. And she’s the one who told him so. It’s been years since he’s seen that girl. This girl. The unguarded, joyful woman with a passion for science and a soft spot for people. The one he knew and fell for silently as they worked side by side in Star Labs building the particle accelerator. It made a difference. Of course, if you asked Cisco, he loved Caitlin before she was at her best. He loved her when she was heartbroken and when she was in pain and fighting herself, denying the Frost. But she wasn’t any of those things anymore. It made a difference. And she loved him. She said that first too, blurted it out after their third date and never stopped reminding him since. Then there were the hints. The small ones like Caitlin subscribing to the home decor magazine last spring, and little comments here and there along the lines of oh look how much space I have, this apartment is too big for just me or No, Cisco you should stay the night, I don’t want you to go home for the third evening in the row. Which is why it seemed right, now. To take the next step. But maybe he misread it all. Maybe she wanted to move apartment buildings. Maybe she wanted to move to Keystone. No, that's just silly. She probably just wanted a home makeover. Cisco got up to take off his suit. He pulled the pathetic little box from his pocket and opened it, scrutinizing the key. So she didn’t want to live with him. It wasn’t the end of the world. They were still together. They were still strong, tonight notwithstanding. It didn’t mean their love would ebb away, only that things would stay as they were. She’d just need some time to cool off, whether or not she’d do that literally, Cisco wasn’t sure, but then she’d come back and they’d talk it out. It’s what they always do. He put the box on his dresser and tried to ignore the way his eyes were beginning to sting. It was worse now, as he curled against the blankets for warmth, missing something. Missing her. Her space in his bed. Her space in his heart. Just her space. And so the night ended with Cisco in bed, just like he had planned, and also exactly not how he had planned at all. ~.~ Cisco was eating a lonely bowl of Cheerios when his buzzer rang the next morning. “Whomishit?,” he said around his mouthful, spoon still hanging out of his mouth. The intercom crackled and then Caitlin’s muffled voice rang out. “It’s Caitlin, Cisco. Can I come in?” He buzzed her up. He wouldn’t have time to comb through his hair and put on a shirt in the four minutes it would take Caitlin to walk 4 flights of stairs so he decided on the latter. She rang the doorbell and Cisco shuffled towards the door, tugging down his shirt to answer. It took a moment to absorb and digest the sight in front of him. He thought there would never be a time in his life he would honestly say this but she looked...Bad. And bruised? “Caitlin?” He immediately widened the entryway and brought her inside. She winced at the pressure he put on her back, and Cisco was suddenly ready to vibe blast someone's balls off. “Who hurt you?” He hissed.Caitlin shook her head. “ I did. Killer Frost was mad, I was afraid— I lost control and fell off my ice or something—I don’t know for sure. I switched mid-fall.” Cisco squeezed his eyes shut and exhaled shakily. “Did you hurt anyone?” “Only myself,” she spat bitterly, then began to cry. “Oh no,” Cisco said, and rushed to her, all of his own upsetness melting away. “You had a shitty night. It’s okay. You can let it out.” “Please tell me you still want to be with me,” she sobbed. Cisco dropped his hands to his sides, bewildered. “What? Yes. Always, Caitlin.” “I didn’t screw everything up?” “Because of last night?” She nodded miserably. Cisco lead her to his spare chair and squatted down in front of her. He tucked a strand of hair behind his ear and then did the same for her. “No. Of course not. But I do want to know what happened.” Caitlin’s hands were dwarfed in the sleeves of her crewneck sweater, and it took Cisco until then to realize it was one of his. She fretted, and it hurt his heart to see her so skittish, minutes away from a nervous break. “Honey, listen. I will never make you do something you don’t want to do. If you don’t want us to live together then I’m not mad and you don’t have to change your mind. So whatever it is you are so worried about, I promise it will be okay.” “I ruined everything,” she whispered horrified. “No, you didn’t, I swear it.” “Yes I did. It happens every time. I thought I was better. I thought I wouldn’t do this anymore but I keep freezing and running away. And it hurts you. I hurt you, yesterday.” Cisco nodded. She was right to a degree. Caitlin’s response was awfully more flight than fight. And that was inherently Caitlin before Star Labs or Ronnie or broken timelines. “I think it’s just a part of who you are.” “I don’t want it to be,” she stressed, wrought out. "I'm so tired of it." “Then we will work on it together.” Caitlin wiped at her eyes again. “I love you.” Cisco stood back up and lifted her chin to kiss her sweetly. Caitlin’s wet lashes fluttered against his face. “Can you tell me what was going through your mind? Because this wasn’t the first time we talked about our future. I thought we were on the same page.” “We are,” Caitlin insisted, “We are. It's just...The key suddenly made it so serious.” Cisco’s eyes softened. “But Cait...We are serious. We’ve been serious for years.” “I know,” She bemoaned, “I’m such an idiot.” Cisco cooed at her, “Awww, you’re not." Caitlin crossed her arms over her chest. "You know, with Ronnie, I never lived with him. I was over a lot. He was over a lot. But we had it all planned that we'd be together after our wedding, you know. But we never got there..." Cisco rubbed over her knee, understanding a little better. Ronnie was an archaic name, his loss was no longer so sharp for the both of them, but he would always still be there, entangled within the roots of Caitlin's core, because he shaped her, how she thought about relationships and love and death. Cisco knew. That was okay. "You’re my Caitlin," He told her. "Who overthinks things with her amazing brain, who worries and cares, and I love you for that. I do. And I'm sorry that our lives mean that I can't promise that we'll always be safe. That one day we won't die. But we can't let those fears stop us, you know? If it's what you want." I'm not Ronnie. Cisco didn't say that. He wouldn't dare. And he knew that wasn't what she meant at all, but still, it sort of hung in the air between them, not in an uncomfortable way, but in a no matter what happens, Cisco was pretty sure he wouldn't burst into flames and die as soon as they became serious kind of way and Caitlin was aware of it, way. Caitlin wrapped her arms around him, and melted into his embrace, burying her face in the crook of his neck. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. He rubbed her back soothingly. “It’s okay,” he promised. “All I care about is what’s best for you. Are you happy with me?” Caitlin rolled her eyes fondly, “So happy.” “And you want to see my sexy face all the time? You’ll never get tired of it?” “No,” Caitlin swore, taking his face in between her palms and kissing his face, accentuating her point. “Never.” “Well then we’re fine, baby.” “No,” Caitlin protested. “Because now I don't have a pretty necklace with a key, a key that was meant for me." “Oh,” Cisco said, sitting backwards on his heels. “It’s not an issue. We don’t have to do anything." Caitlin rubbed at her eyes. “I want to live with you. I do. Yesterday had nothing to do with me being afraid of that. I was just—“ “Bad habits? Cold feet?” Cisco joked. “Or something,” Caitlin mumbled. “But I didn’t sleep last night, and it gave me a lot of time to think and regret and—I came up with what I wanted.” “What’s that?” Cisco asked. Caitlin stood up, taking his hand to walk across his apartment to the window. She opened the blinds and pointed to the line of roofs three streets over. Cisco followed her gaze, confused. “I was thinking..." She turned to face him, placing her hands on his chest. "We should buy a house.” Cisco's jaw almost fell to the floor. “A house? Really?” Well, Cisco thought. Those magazines were starting to make sense now. Caitlin smiled at him, looping her arms around his neck and leaned in close. “A house,” she confirmed with a whisper. “A home.” “...That’s an amazing idea. Like, seriously top notch, but it's one that includes mortgages and moving trucks and real estate agents. That's the epitome of serious. You sure this is what you want? Because we should probably sleep on it.” Caitlin hummed with a small smile, “Okay,” she said, pulling him closer, “But I won’t change my mind.”