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It could be hell, Jon thinks. The Eye's hell, for those who belonged to It in life, a neverending nightmare about seeing and being seen. Maybe he's dead. Has anybody ever slept this long? Has anybody ever lived this long? He can't tell, can't count the days.He hates that with time, the horror of these people suffering blunts, and turns into a visceral disgust of repetition, of an existence that gives him nothing new. The time spent under the Eye is part of it - it is different - nothing but a constant promise, as Jon is taken apart under it, and he can see everything in his life, and all of it has a bright meaning... and he will forget it, so fast, unless he gives himself to the Eye, as a willing servant.Never, he thought, the first time it happened to him. Now, every time is a not yet.He's not ready, and he fears the day he will be. There are small differences in the iterations of the dreams, and he catalogues them obsessively. It's the only thing he has. He's glad, but not astonished yet, when he sees at the end of the cycle, as he's waiting for the too brief relief his God is offering him, a figure he doesn't recognize."Jon," it says.He recognizes Elias' voice instantly and he can't stop his heart jumping. What happened? He doesn't know but it's something new, and he almost runs towards him.Elias is wearing one of his usual suits. He's walking slowly, his head tilted towards the gigantic Eye in the sky, a look of bewildered worship on his face. Jon feels a pang of jealousy without a real target, and he grabs Elias by the arms."What happened? How are you here?""Oh, Jon." Elias shows a friendly smile, like he just noticed him and was surprised to see him here. Only a few seconds, and he's already insufferable. But Jon heard him call his name. "I gave a statement to you - well, to your comatose body - about the dreams. And now I get to walk them when I make the effort."Coma, then. That explains things. And after his first answer, Jon can't stop himself from noticing how Elias' arms are warm under his hands, even through two layers of clothes. He hasn't touched anyone for too long - but most importantly he hasn't talked to anyone, he hasn't learnt anything, for too long."What else? Are they still alive?"This time he notices that Elias shivers under his hands, that his gaze fixes upon Jon, and melts. He thinks he used compulsion. He isn't sure he remembers how to do it. Or how to not do it. Is it even possible not to wield the only measure of control he could have in a nightmare world he didn't choose?"Basira, Melanie and Martin are. Daisy technically too, as you’ve seen, but she's lost to us in more than one way. And Tim... well, you know what happened to Tim. I'm sorry for your loss, but glad you took the opportunity to sacrifice him, in the end. Eventually, you were right about taking him in your team. I was very proud of you."If Jon had more strength in his arms, he would shake Elias for that. He didn't sacrifice Tim (he did). It was Tim's choice (he still did it). He deserves everything but praise for it (Tim really is dead).He could scream at Elias. He could complain. If it was not so true. Maybe he can anyway.But before he can find the words, Elias steps forward and kisses him.Jon hasn't kissed anyone for years, and he can't remember if it has always felt this good, or if it's because he's been lost in a nightmare for what seems like years, or if it’s because it's Elias, calm certainty and teasing gentleness at the same time. He tries not to get eager, to analyse and see, but he can't, and soon he's kissing back, his mouth against Elias', feeling and tasting. He let Elias' arms go, he realized, he's clinging his shoulders instead, and it feels right.His eyes are closed, and it makes him feel even more the presence of the Eye God above their heads, outside of him but still pulsing in his skull in a way that's both painful and thrilling. He would deny he wants this, but here and now, he can't. "Are they alright? How did they..." he starts to ask, but Elias cuts him off."I'm not there so you can feed on me, Jon," he says, in a weird tone, too conniving to be cold. "Especially about such trivial matters. You know, coming here was not easy, but leaving would be..."Jon hates how he fears the possibility. How only the thought of being alone again leaves him trembling and empty."Stay," he manages to say. He wants to ask. He wants to ask so many things. But right now he's been denied new sensory input for so long that just the touch of the hand Elias raises to his face makes him warm and giddy. He knows that Elias is taking advantage of his isolation and his trauma, and he just doesn't care. No, he wants him to keep doing it.The Eye is watching him always. The Eye is watching them, not taking Jon into Its terrifying, perfect embrace yet, waiting for him to have nothing left."How do I get out of here?" he asks, because it's the most important thing."You must discover that by yourself," Elias answers with a smile. Of course. Jon wants to kiss him again. No, he wants new things, different things, we wants to bite into his grinning lips...He does.Elias seems surprised at first, but he answers with enthusiasm, his hands sliding under Jon's clothes, on his waist and back, as Jon's getting angry at him, scratching his forearms. He moans. It was not the reason why Jon did this, but he feels Elias' twisted pleasure, he knows he will not leave, not right now."Why did you come here?" he asks, with all the power he can muster."I wanted to see you," Elias answers, and it's the worst moment for him to have human emotions, when it doesn't help Jon at all. "I trust you and what you're becoming, of course, but I was worried and wanted to assess..."Jon humorlessly laughs. ‘Worried’ seems weak for what's happening to him."You're in a worse state than I imagined," Elias keeps talking. "I want to offer you a reprieve from the nightmares. If you'll take it."He asks so nicely - but he doesn't wait for an answer before starting to kiss Jon's forehead, his eyes, offering softness against Jon's anger, making him shiver. Jon can feel Elias' overwhelming lust - it's more obvious than it ever was, maybe because of where they are - but it seems under control, and he's no longer sure he hates it. He thinks about the shame of it, but also the potential, the new memories he'd get to make."Do you want to fuck me?" he asks.The words seem wrong in his mouth, but they make Elias go tense and weirdly pliant, elation in his eyes. "Yes," he answers in a voice too rough. "Oh yes, Jon.""I'll let you," Jon whispers. "I'll let you have me, if you talk to me, if you tell me about what you're feeling the whole time.""How could I refuse you?" Elias purrs, and then his hands are under Jon's clothes, removing them. "I will make this good for you, I promise." And Jon must admit, that yes, he likes the way Elias is touching him. He's embarrassed, of course, and not really aroused, but it still feels good, like a massage, like a balm applied to the parts of his body that were longing for touch."My Archivist," Elias whispers. "You're at a threshold here, and I know you will make the right choice. I know you will change. But I'm glad I get to embrace you even before then. You have no idea how beautiful you are like this, how important..."Maybe Jon was a bit wrong about not being aroused. After Elias removed his shirt, he started to kiss his shoulder, his neck, as his hands open his trousers and brush against his heated skin. His lips are still bleeding a bit and he's leaving red marks in their trail. Jon will be naked soon and he fears it, not because of the embarrassment, he's already past that, but because it means Elias will stop this and get to something less pleasant. He tries to open Elias' clothes too, in a poor illusion of equality, and to buy a bit of time. Elias leans into his hands. His jacket falls, and Jon can see the red lines his nails left on his flesh."I would let you do anything to me," Elias keeps telling him. "I would worship you, Jon, if you knew how to ask, if you had a better idea of what you are." This shouldn't have Jon shivering over promises he doesn't understand nor believe. Elias' penis, unlike Jon's, is fully erect, red and swollen, and Jon knows he can look, that's the point really, but the way he stares at it still feels invasive. He touches it though, the head soft, warm and a little wet, and Elias buries his face into Jon’s shoulder."This is not a complaint," he says, "Quite the contrary, but you have no idea how exposed your touch makes me feel."Jon should answer that he knows the feeling well, as Elias just undressed him, but actually, he's not sure he does."I'm under the gaze of my God, and this, this is more," Elias babbles, more desperate. "I want you. Please Jon, let me fuck you," And he's pushing on Jon’s shoulders, softly enough for Jon to be able to resist, but he doesn't. It's not like he has any better idea of what he wants to do. It's not like Elias praising him, begging him... Elias showing vulnerability to him, be it real or pretend... he's more sensitive to it than he expected, and warmth is coiling in his belly.He lets Elias get him on his hands and knees. The ground is soft, dream soil that could just as well not be here, except that it prevents him from falling. It is neither hot nor cold. Elias' warm body is pressed against Jon's back now, his lips are dropping some small kisses on Jon's neck. One hand is touching his cock, bringing it slowly to full hardness, while the other is playing around his ass, teasing him, slick fingers entering him then going out. Jon could never have imagined how good it feels."It's not about owning you," Elias says. "I had fantasies about this, of course I had, making you mine, without you knowing, but this is better. You need me and I need you. I can't wait for you to see it fully. Oh, you're wonderful."It's hard for Jon to describe what he feels when Elias starts to thrust into him; most of this, sure, doesn't even feel good but the part that does, under his burning skin and in his twisted guts, is intense. He concentrates on this, and most of all on Elias' troubling words of praise, his voice usually so calm now trembling in his ears, his warm breath on his skin.And then Elias stops.He stops, he withdraws even, he stops caressing Jon's cock at the same time, and Jon moans in frustration."So you were enjoying it," Elias says, and Jon can feel his smile, even if he can't see it. Yes he did, of course he did. Elias is unfairly good at this. "You still have to talk to me!" he says, trying to find strength in his own aggravation. "Tell me why you thought it was even a good idea.""I just needed to be sure you wanted this," Elias answers, a strange vibration in his voice, and Jon can't tell whether he's lying or not. Even if he didn't know at the time, he sure does now. He wonders if Elias wants him to beg. He wonders if he's ready for it."Turn around," Elias asks softly; Jon does.The first things he sees are Elias' pale blue eyes, and Jon squirms in pleasure under the intense gaze, piercing into him. The need for being touched dulls a bit, as Elias' eyes are caressing his soul. The second thing, as he's focusing, is the Beholding, so present here that it can be forgotten as are air and light. But it's different now, it doesn't just observe, it wants as Elias wants. Or maybe it always did, and Jon just didn't recognize it."Do you want me to fuck you?" Elias asks, echoing the way Jon asked first, and Jon can only nod. He wants it. It's not only about not being alone, not even about getting to know the depths of Elias' mind. He wants this too.Elias kisses him again; he's no longer gentle, devours his mouth like a starving man. He sucks at the skin between his neck and his shoulder, then bites into it, and Jon moans."Keep looking up," Elias orders. Jon would like to look at his face, but he understands. Elias wants him to look at the Eye, like It's looking at them. So he does. It makes him feel weak and trapped, but that’s nothing new, really, except it feels different, a new, perfect, awareness of it, more a destiny than a despair. And then Elias enters him again, and Jon moans in pleasure, as he sees himself surrendering, unfairly aware of every touch on his body."I was jealous of you, you know," Elias says, panting a bit, his voice intense and sensual. "You were closer to my God than I ever was, and it had only been a few years, and you didn't even care. But you do now, and the stronger it gets - the less I will resent I am only here through you, that the most important thing I did in my life was to choose and change you. But it was worth it, it was so worth it. You were always inspiring, but now you are..."Jon can remember that at one point these words would have made him angry. Also at one point, Elias fucking him would have been awful, but now, he just welcomes both, invasive as they are, as he welcomes his God's gaze on his squirming body. All of this leads him to... it's the pleasure, and the knowledge of this pleasure, turning on itself. It's incredible and new, as he feels Elias coming inside him at the same time as he does. He sees and he feels the tears on his cheeks, but inside it only feels glorious."I will leave you, now, Jon," Elias says, kissing a specific place on Jon's hip that makes his nerves spark. Jon wants to protest, but he knows it wouldn’t change a thing. "The Beholding sees you and is hungry for you. You know I wouldn't abandon you for any other reason. Not after this."He kisses Jon's lips again, and whispers in his ear, "See you soon." It's a promise. Jon hopes it will be in the real world, but as he wants to Ask, Elias has already disappeared in thin air.And as promised, the Beholding takes him. Jon tries to close his eyes, but he already has too many of them. He can't hide from himself. He can only feel the want and the knowledge and the rapture.If he remembers this time, he'll please Elias by telling him the embrace of the Eye is somehow similar to his.