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Jenga can be fun and all, but the boys are so terribly bored and this is the only game they finally all agreed to. So, in order to make it more interesting, the maknaes suggested adding a punishment to whoever knocked the highly stacked tower over, slightly similar to the old penalty games they played. And that’s what they decided on.

The excitement and thrill of the game is on; always loving punishment games, yet also dreading it if they’re on the receiving end. It gives them that ‘life or death’ edge. Jungkook being the typical butt toucher of the seven, suggests the loser gets spanked three times by each member - so a total of 18 times. It’s the most extreme punishment they’ve done to themselves, but it’s 32 degrees (90 Fahrenheit) out and their central AC unit is shut down in the entire building; something about a burnt out breaker. A complete freak accident on the hottest day of the summer. The owner said someone is on their way and should have the AC up and running in a few hours. There’s supposed to be rain showers next week, and it’s about the only thing they’re looking forward to - minus the electrician.

To add to the stakes of the game, and just to be a little shit, Jungkook brings out a wooden spoon to make it even more on the wire. They’re basically squirming in cringed ghost pain.

It must be the heat that makes them agree, but they agree nonetheless.

Sprawled out on the carpet floor, sweat droplets accumulating on their upper lips and brows, clothing down to t-shirts and basketball shorts - they focus intensely on their grueling game. In the beginning, everyone was up for the idea and all swore they’d take the punishment like men if they lost. Well, the tower is slowly getting more and more unstable and everyone is biting their nails.

-

Despite his large and overly whiny protests, Yoongi was convinced to take a week away from his music. Namjoon advises that it’ll help him relax his creative side from overworking itself, thus preventing any blocks; that, and he was also forced to take a short hiatus. He was restless the first two days away, now however, Yoongi had to admit that not having the stress of deadlines to himself or the company is something he always cherished. He loves to make music, it’s the only breath he breathes, but sometimes his only source of life can become his poison, as his mind tells him he’ll never be good enough or that his music won’t get any better.

That brings him to this Jenga match. Each day they play a light game, something fun and nothing too serious. Tennis, basketball, soccer, Wii Sports, they even went bowling like wild children on allowance day. They probably loved bowling the most out of the week’s fun. They each had a chance to get in front of the group and either get laughed at or do the joking. Except when it was Yoongi’s turn, no one ever laughed at him or poked any jokes. Sure he’d act goofy, sometimes, and the boys would giggle, but they mostly thought it was cute how he’d get excited and act all cool before waddling up to the runway and tossing the ball from between his thin legs. It’s cute that their hyung is so little and bowled like the child playing next to them, yet he would turn around all smug from a strike and walk back with all the swag he could muster.

The boys never particularly discuss it openly, but whenever someone talks about Yoongi within their immediate group, the word “cute” is always used. Because he is that, “cute”; so cute in fact, that even their maknae gushes about it. Jungkook carries him whenever he can, as long as it’s appropriate and doesn’t flat out embarrass the elder. They know Yoongi gets shy about almost everything, blushing easily, curling into himself with his legs crossed and arms folded over one another as he hides his face with his hand and long fringe. His hair also plays a major role in his cuteness. Black Suga, whenever his hair is black is when he looks the cutest to them, and they are so very lucky that the company had let him dye it back since they’ve been on break.

Though it’s hard to tell, Yoongi thinks they treat him differently, he just can’t pinpoint why. He also doesn’t understand why he gets a fuzzy feeling in his head when they, for lack of a better word,

baby

him. His fingertips tingle, his doe eyes glaze over in a slight dull appearance, his mouth gapes partially, and he feels comfortable and safe. Most times, something will snap him out of that cozy feeling and he’ll close his mouth and lick his lips to rid himself of that dazed moment, quickly righting himself and looking around to see if anyone saw. And most times, someone would have, making Yoongi blush with nerves he’s not sure why he had, because they look at him with confusion but also adoration. The second expression makes his heart flutter and mind a bit hazy, but again, he has no idea why.

The most bizarre it’s ever gotten was very recently, when they were bowling. He unintentionally giggled aloud when someone brought their service dog in training in his line of sight. He had no idea why on earth he’d do something so…so out of character, and in front of the group no less. Except they didn’t comment on it and simply agreed that the puppy was indeed adorable. The owner even smiled at him which made Yoongi feel even smaller. Them not making a huge deal out of it only made his fuzzy feeling grow exponentially. Then not long after, a family started a game next to their runway, and the child they had was adorned with attention and coddling. He somehow felt jealous. He even purposefully aimed his ball toward the gutter but no one tried to comfort him or tell him it was okay, they only laughed. Yet he still didn’t know what possessed him to act such a way. He felt like crying, which was the oddest part, because he’s typically good at keeping his emotions in check but this time was so unexpected that he couldn’t prepare himself. He just ducked his head and acted like he was busy with his phone until he regained control.

-

It’s about that time in Jenga where everyone is forced to pick the hard and almost immovable blocks. Everyone holds their breath when Seokjin has a scare and the blocks sway dangerously before settling. He‘s lucky and the boys don’t know if they breathed out a sigh of relief or disappointment. Imagine having to spank your elder? Perhaps they’re relieved.

Yoongi loves moments like these, where everyone is so tuned into the game that it almost seems like everything they own is on the line. It’s like role play...like make believe and play pretend. Moments like these make him tingly, and he floats into that softness and safety feeling, enjoying how it makes his head buzz with warmth.

Now it’s Yoongi’s turn and he curses at his fingers for shaking, but he can’t help it with everyone breathing down his neck and the impending punishment looming overhead. They’ve never played a game this intense in years, and for what? Because it’s hot, they have no schedule, and they’re a bunch of bored dudes in an apartment together? Oh...so he does know the answer.

Yoongi reaches out a trembling hand to poke a block at the very bottom. He swears he

barely

poked it. Someone jinxed him, someone blew on the tower,

something

. His luck isn’t that terrible, and he has all the awards to prove it. But today, it’s the definition of terrible. That one

measly poke

devastates the entire tower and the boys watch it topple in unbelieving silence. No one moves, no one makes a sound, not believing that

Min Yoongi

of all people lost. Freaking

Agust D

is going to get

spanked.

It starts with a short snort from Jungkook, then Taehyung chuckles softly, a hand barely covering even the corner of his mouth. Next is Hoseok, then Seokjin who full on bursts out windshield laughing. The rest of the boys start to join in, except Yoongi who’s still in the same position with a gaping mouth staring at the fallen blocks. He can’t believe it. How did he lose? He never gets the physical punishments. Jimin was supposed to be his good luck charm. He’s suddenly swept out of his fuzzy space and feels anxiety take its place. He regrets agreeing to the punishment because he doesn’t take physical pain well at all.

“Alright, hyung, a deal is a deal,” Jungkook chuckles out, his face splayed in excited anticipation. He’s enjoying this and everyone knows it. Jungkook is the spank king after all.

“We weren’t

actually

serious, were we?” Yoongi tries to seem like the rational one, sitting back on his heels and crossing his arms.

“If

I

lost would you have taken it seriously?” Hoseok asks.

Yes.

“No!” Yoongi draws out. “I’m just saying that this is so...

childish,

and who would seriously agree to getting spanked 18 times with a wooden spoon?”

“Hyung,” Hoseok says slowly, the smirk never leaving his face, nor any of the other boys. “We all signed the paper.”

Shit.

Yoongi forgot about their stupid paper for their very embarrassingly,

thorough,

written contract that could’ve easily been done by a five year old...a thought that makes his head tingle with that fuzzy feeling again. They’re playing pretend so well. Taehyung was proud when he thought of the idea, and everyone thought of it as a good means of an insurance policy in case someone started pulling loose threads. Yoongi glares at Taehyung who returns an apologetic smile and shrug.

“It’s not even real!” Yoongi says, trying his best not to sound desperate. “We wrote it on toilet paper!”

“Turn around and lean over the armrest of the couch,” Namjoon tells him, the first sentence he’s said almost the entire time they’ve been playing. He’s always quiet unless his interests are peaked, and surely they must be.

Well that sent chills down his spine. He never wants to know what Namjoon does in the bedroom. Fighting the entire time, Yoongi is finally waiting oh-so patiently over the tall armrest for his punishment. His heart is beating too fast, out of fear or embarrassment, he really doesn’t know. This entire situation is making him anxious and he’s not ready for something like this. Spankens are his least favorite thing on the planet and he hates to speak about it, but they trigger memories of when his father did this to him. He can’t imagine the boys doing anything near that, but the anticipation is killing him and he feels panic start to consume him. The mixture of their laughter in the background with his racing thoughts only fuel his growing hysteria. He can’t do this, he can’t do this. No. He can’t.

The first spank comes out of nowhere with absolutely no warning whatsoever. They should’ve at least told him. The surprised yelp doesn’t go unnoticed by the group and he can feel their laughter like needles in his lower spine, traveling up until it bleeds into ice around his lungs. He can’t tell who’s the one spanking, never daring to look back as he shoves his face into the cool material of the couch cushion. He’s glad that sometimes it’s barely even a smack, appreciating the caring touch. The only thing that makes it worse is that there seems to be a general targeted area and he’s losing feeling in his right cheek.

“You have 15 more,” Seokjin informs Yoongi.

Fifteen!? They’ve only spanked him three times? Yoongi can’t escape the dizzying feeling. He should’ve told them he’s had a stressful month and just can’t handle something like this, even with all of the group activities they’ve been doing. It helped, but not nearly enough to erase all the stress. His parents called to tell him about all of his brother’s accomplishments. He shouldn’t be jealous or hurt by it because he’s doing fine, he has everything he’s dreamed of, so it’d be greedy of him to want his brother’s success too. He bets his brother doesn’t get annoyed seeing his success everywhere around the city. Then his company said they wanted to listen to three new tracks, completely original and new sounding compared to their previous works. He hasn’t slept, barely ate, and overall feels drained.

He shouldn’t be here in this position.

It isn’t fair!

Yoongi suddenly feels as if he’s done something bad to deserve this and feels tears gather in his eyes. Why are they hurting him? The fuzzy feeling is growing stronger, and as much as he doesn’t want to be consumed by the unknown, it

pulls

at the back of his head. It washes over his mind like warm water, and he feels shielded from coherent thought. Yoongi feels like he’s sliding on ice, drifting further from himself and feeling confused and dizzy.

He must’ve done something bad.

Must’ve

. Was he not supposed to push that block? Did they not want him to lose? Because they’re spanking him as if he’s done something

very

bad. Not expecting it, Hoseok spanks Yoongi making the latter flinch hard and cough out a sob. It goes unnoticed under the laughter as another boy throws another spank. He wants to be a good boy, so he tries to keep quiet and bites his sleeve with his small teeth and squeezes his eyes shut. His sobs are muffled now and he thinks he won’t be able to make it when finally seventeen is over with.

“The last one should be the most dramatic,” Jimin says. “But, go easy still.”

Everyone agrees and hands the spoon to Jungkook, who’s vibrating with amusement. He winds his arm back, taking a running start and spanks his hyung - not with all his might, of course, but still hard enough for there to be a solid smacking sound heard in the large room.

Yoongi can’t handle it anymore. He tried so hard to be a good boy but it hurts too much and he wants someone to hold him and make the pain go away. Be a big boy. Be a big boy.

Be a big boy

. No one likes a weak boy.

“All done, Yoongi-ah,” Seokjin says, rubbing the small of Yoongi’s back.

Yoongi forces himself back into coherence, feeling bizarre, confused, hurt and takes a deep breath. He doesn’t know what just happened or what the hell took over, but he can’t be like that again. He doesn’t have the time for shit like that to be happening. When he pushes himself back into a standing position, his legs feel wobbly and the sting on his backside feels like fire against his constantly rubbing shorts - the

one

time he decides to wear shorts, everything is against him.

“You did good, hyung,” Jungkook says with a smile, opening his arms to ask for a hug.

It’s a lost cause, or at least that’s what people would’ve told someone trying to get a hug from Yoongi. Except there’s still a part of him that craves that warmth and he dives right in. Everyone is shocked but leave it be.

The rest of the day goes by uneventful and they continue to play board games until the AC is back on. Yoongi refuses to play anymore games and the boys understand. He tells them he’s going for a nap and quietly leaves for his room.

The moment he locks the door, he slides against it, harsh sobs wracking his entire body. He doesn’t know why he’s crying. The only thing he can think of is how emotionally frustrated he is, and how he wants someone to hold him and take care of him because he can’t do it- this-

whatever

the hell is happening. He’s more stressed than last month and this month combined, and it’s all because he has no idea what’s wrong with him. He covers his mouth with his hand to keep his crying quiet. He slips into that odd spacey feeling again and runs to his bed, throwing himself on the mattress and hugging a pillow against his body, wishing it was a stuffed animal suddenly. He snaps out of that thought and chucks the pillow against the wall, opting to curl into the sheets instead.

Seokjin looks at the clock and realizes Yoongi’s been napping for almost three hours now and goes to wake the boy up. If he doesn’t, they’ll never hear the end of Yoongi’s complaints of his body hurting from sleeping too long. When Seokjin goes to open the door, he finds it locked. He sighs and rests his forehead against the cool wood. He knocks several times but doesn’t get an answer and he’s afraid he’ll oversleep and wouldn't able to to go to bed tonight.

“Yoongi-ssi, open the door!” Seokjin calls. “You know not to lock it! Yoongi-ssi…
Don’t ignore your hyung!!”

Yoongi stirs awake and feels more exhausted than when he fell asleep - or rather, passed out. He slides his raisained thumb out of his mouth and wonders when and why the hell he did that, and wipes it grossly onto his sheets. However the moment he takes it out, he feels upset, which only makes him more frustrated with himself. Opting to set the problem to the back burner of his mind, he hurries to open the door for his hyung, who sounds urgent. He really wants to see his hyung, too, and that butterfly dip in his stomach is making him anxious and excited in ways he’s never felt toward his hyung before.

“Yoongi-ssi, why was the-” Seokjin stops upon seeing the tear tracks going down Yoongi’s puffy cheeks. “You know not to lock doors…” Seokjin tries to recover from his slight hesitancy upon seeing the tears, knowing not to bring it up so soon. “What if you got hurt and I couldn’t get you?”

Yoongi looks down and feels terrible for locking the door. He just felt so bad and confused.

“Sorry, hyung…I didn’t mean to...” Yoongi says dejectedly. Why is he so emotional today? He can already feel a bought of tears, turning those butterflies into heavy weights in his stomach.

“Hey, that’s alright, just remember not to do that next time,” Seokjin smiles softly at him. “C’mon, sit with me.”

Yoongi doesn’t question it and follows Seokjin to the edge of his bed, where they seat themselves quietly.

“Why were you crying?” Seokjin asks boldly, wondering why Yoongi hadn’t tried to cover it up in the first place. Perhaps he wanted to be found out.

“O-oh!” Yoongi looks surprised and hastily wipes at his face with his long sleeve. “I...I, um...was thinking about Holly?”

It’s an obvious lie, both Seokjin and Yoongi know it’s terribly attempted but the former doesn’t press.

“I’m sure he misses you, too” Seokjin says with a gentle expression. “Go wash your face, ‘kay? Jungkook-ssi wants to go out for ice cream.”

“Ice cream!” Yoongi shocks both of them with his joyful squeal. He blushes and looks down nervously, nodding his head. He doesn’t know why he’d be nervous, as if he’s denying a secret that is literally staring Seokjin right in the face. Yoongi just feels scared for some reason. Maybe scared that his hyung might deny him, yet he has no clue what he would be denied.

“Yeah?” Seokjin’s confused as he stands from the bed, still locking eyes with the equally confused, albeit anxious, expression meeting his. “We’re leaving in 15.”

“Cool,” Yoongi casually responds as he watches Seokjin exit the room.

“Want me to close the door?” Seokjin asks.

“Uh, no, you can leave it,” Yoongi answers awkwardly.

“Alright then,” Seokjin walks down the hall feeling both curious and concerned. But he can’t deny that Yoongi’s reaction had to be the cutest thing he’s ever seen, he just doesn’t know why the look within his eyes were suddenly not...Yoongi. Not entirely gone, but...something was off. It was like he was looking into the eyes of a child, still Yoongi, but not. Recognizable, yet not. Vice versa. He wonders if Yoongi’s eyes always slip like that.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Taehyung is quite the observant guy despite being described as ‘Blank Tae’. He’s paying attention, believe it or not, but whenever he focuses he either looks totally lost, confused, or like a puppy. So most times, people think he’s tuned out of the conversation, when in reality he’s observing. For example, just yesterday he saw his hyung making himself - or attempting, he should clarify - he saw his hyung

attempting

to make himself a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich, something Jungkook introduced him to. Yoongi first deemed the treat way too sweet for his liking, yet there he was trying to make one.

The younger uses ‘trying’ and ‘attempting’ because Yoongi can’t open either lids from the jars. It was Seokjin or Jungkook who tightened them, the two boys of the group who just don’t know their own strength. Sometimes Namjoon does it too, except he only does it to sodas to “keep them carbonated longer”, or so he tells them. They all just think he’s saving them for himself. Taehyung would offer his help, but he wouldn’t be able to open them either, or maybe he could because he’s certainly stronger than Yoongi, but he’s too involved with the couch to actually make an offer. He shifts more comfortably on the couch and watches Yoongi sigh with exasperation and sets the Nutella jar down once again, glaring at his naked bread.

He pouts and pokes at his bread, and Taehyung is seriously about to jump off the couch at the sight of Yoongi’s lower lip beginning to tremble. Not being able to open the jar isn’t that big of a deal. He stills himself as Jungkook walks into the kitchen with an empty water bottle, uncapping it smoothly and refilling it from the refrigerator’s water dispenser.

“Hey, hyung,” Jungkook greets casually. “Whatcha eating?”

“Nothing,” Yoongi grumbles and stacks his bread to shove it angrily back into the bag.

“Shoot, are the lids too tight?” Jungkook takes the now filled bottle away from the dispenser and caps it, setting it onto the counter next to the jars. “Want hyung to open them?”

Yoongi wants to roll his eyes at the way Jungkook asks the question, referring to himself as

Yoongi’s

hyung while minutely flexing his arms with a wiggle of his brow. Except he doesn’t, opting to sigh and avoid making eye contact. He nods his head once, hating how Jungkook pops the lids off one after the other and lets them roll to a stop on the counter.

“There you go, cutie,” Jungkook teases. “See you later, hyung. I’m going to the gym with Jin hyung.”

Taehyung isn’t sure if Jungkook was even paying attention at the way Yoongi’s entire demeanor changed in less than a second. He was annoyed one second and then wide eyed, and lips slightly parted. It was fast to come but that dull eyed look stayed even when Jungkook left, giving him a small pat on the back. Taehyung couldn’t look away as Yoongi smiles happily to himself as he hummed and made his sandwich with a small hop in his movements. He was so happy even though he was so close to crying not two seconds before the maknae walked in. All it took was giving him what he wanted.

Smacking both of the coated bread slices together, Yoongi brings it up to bite into hungrily, the smile never skimping even for a second. It’s cute. Such a small thing makes him so joyful. Taehyung notices that Yoongi is about to leave with his sandwich, as well as leave a mess in his wake. He is not about to be the one to clean up after Yoongi,

again

.

“Hyung, put the jars away and wipe the counter,” Taehyung calls from the couch, watching Yoongi startle and elicit a small cough on his bite.

Taehyung regrets having said anything, as that innocent look is startled back into the more recognizable indifferent expression. He turns back to the counter and groans.

“Can’t I do it after I eat?” Yoongi whines.

“No, you’ll end up forgetting- or “

forgetting’’

and take a nap. I don’t wanna clean it,” Taehyung puts air quotes around his sarcasm, making Yoongi’s expression change once again. Taehyung creases his brows in interest, wondering what could be going on in Yoongi’s head.

He doesn't respond, just drags his feet back to the counter and sets his sandwich down, only two small bites in. Taehyung notes that he’s back to looking...dare he say, childish? It’s a mini tantrum, mostly it’s him looking pouty and sad. Taehyung wants to tell him never mind and to go eat while he cleans it, but what will that teach him? That all he has to do is pout and sigh miserably and he’ll get what he wants?

Yes.

“Hyung I got it, go eat,” Taehyung jumps up from the couch, hating the way the older eyes his sandwich every other second. It’s stupid to go against what he firmly believes, but if it’s Yoongi throwing the tantrum and looking like a kicked puppy then of course he’ll give in.

Yoongi looks dazed as he looks at Taehyung approaching him, his eyes looking so much purer upon closer inspection. They sparkle with innocence and naivety.

“Thank you, Tae Tae,” Yoongi smiles brightly and Taehyung feels gypped.

“Hey! Get back here!” Taehyung calls, but Yoongi is already rounding the corner with a short giggle that makes Taehyung warm in the chest. “What just happened?” He mumbles to himself.

Ever since that experience, Taehyung’s been doing anything he can to get Yoongi to be that way again. He tightens all the jars and bottles, puts Yoongi’s favorite snacks on the highest shelves, and tries to make sure he’s forced to seek out help. And Yoongi does, each and every time. And Taehyung isn’t far away, calling his sabotages mere scientific observations. It seems like Yoongi becomes this completely different person whenever he needs help, sometimes that means getting angry and cursing as to why everything is so high or always too tightly screwed shut, but could also become docile and bubbly. And from what Taehyung observed, that depends entirely on whatever week they’ve had. It’s concerning, no matter how cute it can be. Maybe he was hit in the head? He’s very good at hiding injuries for God knows how long. He’s also scared of the possibility that Yoongi has mental problems that he hasn’t told them about. He’s not an idiot, he’s heard about mental regression in his high school psychology class, one of the classes he enjoyed most. It’s one of the brain’s many self defense mechanisms against trauma, and if Yoongi experienced this then something happened to him, and Taehyung can’t let this information slide; no matter how paranoid it makes him seem.

Taehyung takes his findings to Namjoon, someone who knows

something

about almost

everything

. He’s like a Wikipedia...WikiJoon? Nampedia? Taehyung clears his thoughts and focuses on his other concerns.

“Hyung, can I ask you something?” Taehyung asks upon entering Namjoon’s studio. He closes the door and stands awkwardly behind Namjoon’s chair.

Namjoon spins around in his chair and looks to the younger, who clearly holds himself with discomfort. Any conversation that starts off with that question makes Namjoon uneasy - especially when it’s someone in the group who asks it.

“Go ahead,” Namjoon tells him, scared of what Taehyung is about to ask.

“Have you noticed anything...off about Yoongi hyung?” Taehyung asks slowly.

“Off? What do you mean?” Namjoon has an inkling about where this conversation is leading, and to be quite frank, he’s been wondering the same thing for the past three months now. Mostly around the end of their stadium leg of the Love Yourself World Tour.

“Well...he just seems so different at times, yet he’s still the same? I don’t know how to explain it,” Taehyung sighs, getting frustrated with himself. This isn’t how he wanted to explain it. He tries again, “One second he’s one way and the next he’s, I don’t know,

dull?

I’m not sure but it’s weird and I’m scared.”

“It’s rude calling people ‘dull’, Tae,” Namjoon scolds lightly. “But...I think I get it. Yoongi gets this look in his eyes that doesn’t seem right. It’s quick, but sometimes, if you look close enough, it’s a slow and hesitant change. You can see him fight it at times, other times it’s like he has no control.”

Namjoon knows that ‘dull’ look, though he would never call it that. It’s not expressionless or unintelligible. It’s dilated pupils, undeniably naive and filled with curiosity. He can recall events during their tour in Japan, he became so

goofy

and hyper. However, it was also a very stressful experience for Yoongi. He was scared that fans would be mad at them, Jimin especially for the shirt incident. They had a cancellation for an appearance and Yoongi was growing more and more stressed to be on any stage in Japan. But then, he just suddenly...left it all behind and was the most enthusiastic one. He performed with little care and had fun. It made Namjoon think it was all an act, which concerned him to no end, but it was that

look

in Yoongi’s eyes that had him reeling from that idea.

And that’s exactly what Taehyung was thinking. He smiles, despite the heavy concern of the conversation, because finally someone knows what’s going on.

“Yes! Exactly! You’re really good with words, hyung,” Taehyung compliments. “What do you think it is?”

“I have no idea,” Namjoon answers honestly. “But it scares me...the first time I noticed was during predebut. It wasn’t as often, maybe once a month? He’d get so childish and giddy for a day or two, then he’ll be back to normal criticizing the world in his studio. Now it seems to be happening more frequently…”

“I’m not sure if there’s any co- uh, cor…” Taehyung struggles to find the right words, wanting to sound smart with his casual genius of a hyung.

“Correlation?” Namjoon offers with an encouraging smile.

“Yeah. I don’t know if there’s any correlation, but it seems that he gets put into that weird headspace whenever we have a busy schedule. Maybe he’s stressed? Anxious?” Taehyung asks.

Namjoon hadn't considered that and it blows his mind how in-his-face such an explanation could be.

“Wow, yeah, that’s a really great observation, Tae,” Namjoon astounds, making Taehyung smile wide and boxy with pride. “I can’t stop you from saying anything to the others, but just make sure Yoongi doesn’t know what we’re talking about. He hates being talked about when he isn’t around, good or bad, so just don’t make this a big deal. I have to make a phone call.”

“What are you gonna do?” Taehyung asks curiously.

“I think it’s best you don’t know. Yoongi gets sensitive about this word and I wouldn’t want you using it when you talk to others, he might overhear,” Namjoon says apologetically. “Just trust me.”

“Yeah, okay,” Taehyung nods understandingly. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Lock the door on your way out, please,” Namjoon tells him, spinning around on his chair and grabbing his phone.

He hasn’t had the need to make this phone call in almost five years, and he thought he’d never have to, but now that Taehyung’s noticing things too means it’s getting serious.

Bringing the phone to his ear, he nervously waits for the receiver to pick up.

“Hello?”

“Dr. Byung Soon? It’s Kim Namjoon, we spoke a while back, I’m not sure if you remember me. I’m Min Yoongi’s friend,” Namjoon tells the doctor politely.

“Of course I remember you, how could I not? I hope you’re doing well. I’ve seen you all over the news. Congratulations on your success!” Namjoon can hear her smiling through her words. “I’m rambling. How can I help you?”

“It’s about Yoongi hyung…” Namjoon hesitates, knowing Yoongi would hate what he’s about to do next. “Can I come see you? It’s best if I explain in person.”

“I have an opening Friday morning, but if it’s serious you can see me tomorrow during lunch,” Dr. Byung Soon tells him, voice now serious after sensing Namjoon’s anxiety. The last time he called, Yoongi was in serious trouble. “On second thought, knowing Yoongi dongsaeng, I think you should come by tomorrow if you’re available.”

“Yeah, tomorrow would be good,” Namjoon nods even though she can’t see him. “What time do you take lunch?”

“11:45, can you meet at noon?” She asks him.

“I’ll be there. Thank you so much, nuna,” Namjoon smiles in appreciation.

“You know I’d drop everything for you boys,” And the sentiment puts Namjoon at ease, if only for the moment.

Yoongi would hate it if he knew Namjoon called his psychiatrist without him knowing. But that’s why the older boy gave Namjoon her number. When they first started getting closer, Yoongi felt such immense trust in Namjoon that he disclosed his mental health problems in the confines of their makeshift studio. Namjoon accompanied him in one of his sessions, after that Namjoon promised to help him through anything and everything. And Yoongi let him.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“How often would you say he ‘switches’ within a day?” Dr. Byung Soon asks, notebook open on her lap with Namjoon sitting in front of her on the couch near the window. Her salad is halfway finished, pushed off to the right side of her the second Namjoon said he’s been having ‘sudden personality switches’. “And could you describe the nature of these ‘switches’, please.”

Natural light creeps through the slits, casting warmth in lines over Namjoon’s back, making him relax in its caress. It gives the small room a comforting and free feeling. Off the books, that’s what their meeting is. This is simply two concerned friends discussing and answering any and all questions pertaining to a third party.

“I’m not sure honestly, I’m not around him that long to keep track of how much. Within a single moment we’re together, I’d say three times? That could be doing anything from eating dinner, playing games with the group, going shopping, you name it. They aren’t long, though. Maybe the longest being a minute or so? He’d grow quiet, spacy almost, and then he’s back to being his normal self. There doesn’t seem to be a trigger,” Namjoon tries to wrap his head around it, praying she’ll have all the answers - like most times.

“Maybe not to the naked eye, but I’m sure once you find the trigger, it’d seem obvious,” She smiles at him, knowledge and wisdom in the small lines around her lips and eyes. “From what you told me, Yoongi seems to be experiencing a form of spontaneous, or uncontrollable, regression. Uncontrollable due to a trigger, forcing himself not to regress which in turn can become more powerful or worse the second time he experiences it, or simply because the trigger itself is overpowering. Taking into consideration that he himself may not even be aware of these changes, I’m thinking of two types of regression here; I want you to hear me out completely before you make any comment.” Namjoon nods his head and gives Dr. Byung Soon all his attention.

“The first one is mental regression, which is a defense mechanism that can lead to temporary, or long-term, reversion of the ego to an earlier stage of development. Sometimes people do this rather than handling unacceptable impulses in more adaptive ways. A cause of this could be minor but could also be quite serious, in which case we would look into childhood traumas that took place around the age he regresses to. I’ll have to look into that myself. You said he is unaware of you visit today, but maybe you could convince him to come and see me?

“Now, the second one is a bit trickier, but doesn’t necessarily require trauma, perhaps mostly emotional distress. It’s a form of...preference, if you will, when the mind regresses into a developmentally younger headspace in order to relieve itself of stress, anxiety, fear, pain, humiliation - anything that becomes overwhelming to the host, the main conscious controller of outside stimuli. This is called

Little Space

. It’s not a mental condition, it’s simply a preference of how the brain chooses to cope with certain stimuli it is presented. The brain would go into this mindset where everything is safe and secure. Sometimes the brain lets the host, or Yoongi in this case, know everything they’ve done in this

Headspace

, and sometimes they can only remember bits and pieces - sometimes nothing at all after several hours. More times than not, they remember. But they truly believe they are a child, as it seems.”

“You seem to be bias toward one option,” Namjoon says. He can’t believe this is actually a phenomena that happens to people, to

Yoongi.

“That’s because I believe that

this

is what Yoongi is experiencing, and he may even be fighting it if he thinks he isn’t in a safe environment to become Little,” Dr. Byung Soon reveals slowly. “From what you and I know about him, he has social anxiety, major depression, compulsive disorders - don’t think that regression has become the peak of his sanity. Nothing you’ve told me resembles dissociative identity disorder, if that’s where your major concern stems from.”

“But that’s...I know he’s safe at home, why would he be in any danger around us?” Leaving out their Jenga game night aside, they have never given Yoongi any reason to feel unsafe or that he can’t trust them. “And it isn’t that he changes into an entirely different person…He changes in ways I’m having a hard time understanding.”

“It may not be physical safety, I’m sure he knows you all would protect him,” She offers a wink, trying to keep the conversation light. “I think it could be more of...an emotional safety. Maybe it’s the fear of being rejected, by himself when faced with the truth, or by all of you,” Dr. Byung Soon explains. “It’s scary, experiencing something so unfamiliar like this for the first time. It’s scary for everyone.”

“What would the truth look like?” Namjoon asks worriedly.

“I’m not going to sugar coat this, Namjoon-ssi, this is a serious topic that you

really

need to be open and understanding about. You’ve shown limitless acceptance throughout every societal topic, though, I believe this will really test you, so please be patient with yourself

and

the prospects of this new information. If Yoongi-ssi ever truly decides to trust you with whatever it may be that he’s struggling with, you may feel uncomfortable at first. It’s nothing he can control, though, please do keep that in mind. Depending on however small he regresses to, he could either need help getting dressed, eating, bathing, going to the bathroom-”

“Woah, woah, woah, you’re telling me he’s going to become a

baby

?” Namjoon’s even more confused than ever. This can’t be real. “This is a conversation parents usually have with newly weds. He can’t...He won’t actually be a baby, right?”

“Mentally, perhaps,” Dr. Byung Soon says unphased. “Sometimes the only thing he’d need is a playmate, supervision, and rules to follow. Children need routine and lots of stimulation or they’ll get bored and get into trouble, when ultimately they were simply seeking attention. Punishments should be set pre-offense so he’s aware of the consequences. So again, the rules are very important to have; perhaps, ten big rules written and stuck to your refrigerator. He’ll see these everyday in a common room like that. Figure out his triggers, this way you can prepare for the regression, help him ease into it, or even prevent it by treating the cause of stress itself. People go into Little Space because they have an issue that needs solving, but it’s too hard to speak about or be around as a

Bigger

. If you figure out these triggers, you can help him, and he may no longer need to regress at all.”

“Is there...medication for this...this, uhm...thing?” Namjoon stumbles through his sentence, not even knowing where to start or go with all this information. He hates that he sounds so daft, but he’ll gladly admit to being lost in this area if it means getting the right information to help someone.

Dr. Byung Soon tries not to sigh, knowing how difficult hearing something like this is. “Namjoon-ssi, this isn’t a mental disease or illness,” She explains softly. “This is something he

needs

and cannot help. It’s a very thin line between a mental illness and full functioning mental stability, I will admit, but it is definitely

not

a problem. There is nothing wrong with Yoongi-ssi.”

“This is just...a lot to take in…” Namjoon feels overwhelmed, and he’s honestly not ready to handle something like this. He was honestly hoping she would ease his worries and tell him everything is fine and there’s nothing to be concerned about, but this just opened a can of worms. If all this is true, then Yoongi would need constant supervision to make sure he doesn’t get hurt, they’d need to feed him, provide for him, worry over him. They’re at the peak of their careers, something like this could ruin them. He hates to be harsh, but they can’t afford this. “I can’t be a caretaker for him, it’s- this isn’t the right time for this.”

“Is there a right time to need help? I know it’s an overwhelming situation, and I’m here whenever you need to talk, but you

need

to remember than Yoongi-ssi

cannot

help it. If you make it seem like his fault, he can start coping with stress in other ways; some of which you know about from his past,” She speaks gently, and Namjoon feels scared and there’s just too much pressure on his shoulders. “If anything, him being a Little

is

his way of telling you that something is wrong, that he needs comfort and protection. Is that so bad?”

“Of course not, but he doesn’t have to be a baby to get that kind of treatment,” Namjoon argues.

“But it makes it easier to accept the help he can’t ask for,” She insists, never raising her voice or using any form of attitude, always formal and gentle. Maybe that’s why Yoongi didn’t mind having her to talk to. “Could you honestly imagine your grumpy hyung accepting cuddles and kisses without hassle? He’s such a hard headed young man. He would be embarrassed, pride overshadowing his conflict to be taken care of.”

“I don’t know if any of us could help him with something like this...it...if I’m being honest, it’s a little weird,” Namjoon is not one to judge, and he hates himself for feeling uncomfortable, but having a grown man walking around like a toddler honestly freaks him the fuck out. “Can’t he come to you?”

“If he wanted to see me, it’d be him in that chair, not you. It seems that his Little side trusts you and your friends. It’s Yoongi-ssi who seems to be fighting. However, I can’t force you to accept something you aren’t comfortable with. At least give it a chance, for his sake?”

“Okay,” Namjoon doesn’t know what else to say, but he knows Yoongi deserves at least a shot.

They say their goodbyes and the kind doctor collects Namjoon into a soft hug, always being so motherly to the two boys. Before Namjoon has a chance to leave, Dr. Byung Soon snaps her fingers as if remembering something and hurries over to her bookshelf.

“Here, take this as a gift for the little boy,” Dr. Byung Soon hands Namjoon an old soft, brown teddy bear.

“Why?” Namjoon asks curiously.

“He always wanted to hold it during our sessions,” She smiles kindly at him. “Cute, isn’t it?”

“The bear? Yeah,” Namjoon knows she’s referring to Yoongi’s habit, but he’s afraid to admit his agreement. He can’t imagine Yoongi laying on that couch he was just sitting on, bear hugged against his chest, speaking of all that troubled him. Even if he wasn’t a ‘Little’ in front of her, the action is jarring to bring into reality.

Thinking about it doesn’t seem plausible, and the possibility of experiencing it is a bit terrifying.

When he arrives home, he’s told that Yoongi is in his room. Thinking about what he’s going to do about twenty times over, he knocks on his hyung’s door.

“Yeah?” Yoongi calls through the door.

The door is unlocked, but Namjoon says anyways, “Open up, I have something for you.” His heart is thudding fast and he isn’t sure why he’d be

this

nervous.

“What is it?” Yoongi opens the door. He looks freshly showered and smells of lavender and peppermint soap. His nose is still pink from the hot water. He looks...Namjoon doesn’t finish his thought. “Hyung already made me eat. Where were you? I was looking for you. And you weren’t answering your phone.”

Namjoon can’t help but wonder if he was Little when he was searching for him and feels guilt creep deep in his chest. He’ll analyze that feeling later.

“Here,” Namjoon lifts the bear into Yoongi’s line of sight and watches intently as Yoongi’s eyes instantly filled with recognition.

“How did you get this?” Yoongi slowly starts smiling and gently takes the bear from Namjoon’s grasp.

“I went to see Dr. Byung Soon,” Namjoon tells him honestly, observing how Yoongi’s expression turns back to something familiar and sends Namjoon a look of caution.

“Why?” Yoongi asks, looking a bit scared.

“She called and said it’s been awhile, she wanted to give you that as a gift for being so good,” Namjoon easily covers.

“Really?” Yoongi smiles brightly this time and looks to the bear’s indifferent expression, one of the black beady eyes replaced with a bead too small.

Namjoon wants to be right, wants to go back to Dr. Byung Soon and tell her he tried and that she needs to fix him, but at this moment there’s nothing to fix. He only wants to hear that small, innocent voice one more time. He never wants that stress-free, naive, wide-eyed look to go away. Namjoon smiles in adoration when Yoongi looks to him with appreciation, turning away and closing the door quietly with a small ‘thank you’.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

An entire month has gone by and not once has Taehyung or Namjoon witnessed Yoongi slipping into ‘Little Space’. It’s concerning, even though Namjoon swears he wants to feel relieved it hasn’t happened. This shouldn’t be a big deal, so why does it feel like one? The tension only seems to grow as time passes without incident, and Namjoon is sure he’s the only one who feels it. Maybe he’s scared Yoongi will regress in public and embarrass them all, or maybe regress around the wrong crowd and they’ll make fun of him. It’s selfish to assume Yoongi is unstable, but how else is he supposed to handle something like this?

“I’m worried, hyung,” Taehyung paces behind Namjoon as he works on another unknown track.

“There’s nothing to worry about, I’m sure it’ll happen sooner or later,” Namjoon says without much thought.

“I talked to the others and they all want to help, most importantly they think

he

needs help,” Taehyung stops pacing and stares at the back of Namjoon’s unmoving head. “You said you’d handle this, it’s been a month, hyung, and I’m freaking out. What are we supposed to do?”

For once, Namjoon truly doesn’t even know the first step. This entire situation is like looking at the ocean. You think you know what’s under - fish, seaweed, sand, coral - but then there’s another depth no one has ever witnessed or learned about, and he’s scared shitless to go anywhere near that slippery-slope of a hole.

“Tae, stop pacing you’re driving me nuts,” Namjoon says instead.

Yoongi’s not sleeping, not even with his favorite stuffed animal by his side. It warms his heart that Dr. Byung Soon remembers him and even praised him after so long. He keeps it on his bed at all times, making sure it’s always ready for when he goes to bed, only he can’t sleep. They finished touring and have nothing to do. At first he found the free time relaxing, however, now it’s suffocating. He needs to create more music that was even better than their last albums combined, but his creativity feels like a mirage in a desert - each time he gets closer to an idea, it fades away. An oasis he has no problem imagining, yet he can’t make it become a reality. Namjoon said taking a break would help his creativity flow, well what if he took a break right when he was most creative and all those thoughts are now gone? He missed his window. He’s afraid he’s hit a wall, that he’s all used up. What if he’s done, dried up, and useless to the group now?

It’s been a month of struggling to sleep, forcing himself to eat even though he can barely open his mouth and swallow the bland taste. He feels tired, stressed, and drained. A walk should do him good.

Yoongi throws on something warm and heads out the front door, tells the occupants of the living room he’ll be going to the park to think.

Seokjin and Jimin are doing laundry today, so they each gather the dark clothing items of each boys hamper. Seokjin walks into Yoongi’s room and notices Yoongi’s stuffed bear has fallen onto the floor. It’s cute that their grumpy cat gets cuddly at night, and he’s curious if he should show Yoongi the pictures he has of him holding the bear close to his face while he slept. He first thought it was weird, but after about three seconds he was all giggles and snapping pictures. Two weeks ago he got some golden pictures. Yoongi should know better than to sleep on laundry day. If he cuddles his bear each night and time he naps, does that mean he never washes it? Seokjin cringes at the gross thought and tosses it into his laundry basket. He’ll just wash it and put it back in time for bed tonight.

He regrets leaving for a walk. He’s both cold and sweaty, his head is itchy under his beanie, he’s even more tired than when he left and will probably

still

not be able to get more than thirty minutes of shut eye, and most definitely needs another shower. He drags his feet toward his room and creaks open the door, pushes it behind him, leaving it ajar only a fraction.

The most he can do is lay down and rest his eyes that burn with exhaustion. He strips off his coat and throws his beanie onto his chair in the corner of the room. Slipping his shoes off carelessly and kicking them in whichever direction his feet chuck them. He stops suddenly at the foot of the bed, staring at the pillows - or lack of what should be there. Seokjin’s doing laundry today, it’s his turn, but he said

nothing

about washing bedding or pillows. Or his

bear!

Where the hell is it? As if on cue, Seokjin knocks on the door timidly, holding his breath.

Yoongi opens the door with ferocious speed, glaring at Seokjin.

“Where is it?” He snaps.

“I’m so sorry, Yoongi-ssi,” Seokjin's remorseful voice sends ripples down Yoongi’s spine and cramps his heart. “I completely forgot I put your bear with our other laundry-”

“What did you do?” Yoongi growls.

“There must’ve been a loose thread or something, Namjoon-ssi said it was old and to be careful but I forgot it was there and threw it in the dryer with the rest and it just…I meant to dry it separately...” Seokjin trials off and looks to the ground. “I’m seriously sorry, we can buy another one.” Seokjin takes his arms away from behind his back, something Yoongi didn’t notice he was doing, and reveals a plastic zip-up bag with fluff and brown, fluffy brown fabric filling it.

“W-...What is that?” Yoongi whispers, eyes not leaving the bag.

It looks like someone put his bear through the blender, but all his hopes are praying it isn’t what he thinks it is and Seokjin’s simply telling him a stupid joke.

“It’s...It’s your bear…” Seokjin’s guilt makes him bite his lip and clutch the bag tighter. “I’ll buy you another one, I swear. Namjoon said it meant a lot to you, and I’m sorry, I really,

really

am. I didn’t mean to do this.”

By now, Yoongi is reaching for the bag slowly, not believing what Seokjin just admitted. He can tell his hyung is sorry, it’s written all over his body posture, but he can’t forgive him. Not now. He wordlessly takes the bag from Seokjin and unzips it. When he feels the once soft fluff that is now coarse and fried, he becomes tearful and shakes his head. When he sees that stupidly small beady black eye Dr. Byung Soon sewed on at his anxious request, he sucks in a sharp breath and exhales a stuttering sob.

“Oh, Yoongi,” Seokjin coos sadly. “I’m sorry.”

Seokjin opens his arms to pull him into a hug but Yoongi whines loudly and shoves his arms away. He doesn’t know what comes over him or why he suddenly has no control, but he cries for all he’s worth. His best childhood memory is now a bag of crispy fluff and burnt fur. It’s so painful to hold onto yet he doesn’t want to let go.

“Yoongi, please come here,” Seokjin feels like a monster, he has no idea what to do or how to make it better.

Yoongi tries his very hardest not to cry, to stop raining tears, and he gasps and coughs with the effort. He’s devastated, in pain, frustrated, but most of all he’s furious. Seokjin had no right to touch his things, he should never have been in his room. Yoongi always hated laundry day, if it wasn’t his turn he’d always gather his clothes himself and bring it to whoever’s doing it. Today totally slipped his mind and then he thinks it’s all because he can’t sleep, because he can’t make music, because he’s stressed and overwhelmed by

fucking nothing!

He just can’t breathe anymore. He wants someone to make the pain stop, but he doesn't know how to ask for it or what he needs to ask for.

By now, all the boys have rushed toward the wails of distress and stand frozen at the doorway in shock when they find Yoongi to be the source of such painfilled sobbing.

“Get out!” Yoongi screams, face red and blotchy, tears never seeming to end.

“Hyung,” Namjoon steps forward only for Yoongi to scream. He actually

screamed

. Short and loud, like a warning. It was bizarre, completely out of character. It scared Namjoon. Hell, it scared everyone, Yoongi included.

“I said get out!” He persists. “Get the

fuck out!! Now!”

Yoongi is seething, charging toward the group, who quickly back away so he can slam the door, rattling the walls.

They can hear him sobbing as he crashes against the bed, the sound of plastic crumpling.

Yoongi holds the remnants of his bear close to his chest and cries himself to sleep, tear droplets running down the plastic bag.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“What

was

that?” Jungkook asks worriedly, looking around at everyone in disbelief. That wasn’t Yoongi, that wasn’t his hyung in there.

Everyone is gathered in Hoseok’s and Jimin’s room, either sitting on their couch or on their beds. They’re still wide eyed and shocked by what they had just witnessed, not really knowing how to break the silence, but it’s time Namjoon explains fully what the doctor had told him. Something like this just can’t be swept under the rug.

The boys already knew, or had suspicions really, after Taehyung spoke to each member. And they all had their own instances where something unsettling or unexpected happened in regards to Yoongi, and once they heard Namjoon’s explanation, the answer leaves them more concerned than before.

“Does this mean he needs medication? Is it a serious illness?” Hoseok asks from his spot on the couch next to Jimin.

“Dr. Byung Soon said it isn’t like that,” Namjoon clarifies. “It’s a coping mechanism the brain dives into when Yoongi is under a lot of stress or anxiety, an experience that’s too overwhelming. There are other triggers too, but so far those are the only two major ones I’ve noticed with him.”

“What about earlier, was he in ‘Little Space’?” Jimin asks Namjoon, saying the unfamiliar term with hesitation.

“I honestly don’t think he was...um, based on what Joon hyung said about the characteristics Yoongi hyung wouldn’t have cursed, I’m assuming,” Jungkook answers instead of Namjoon, but still looking to the older for assurance. “Unless that’s the type of child he’d be. I’m not sure how this all works.”

“I think you’re right, Kook,” Namjoon agrees. “I really think he was just upset, or

maybe

he was partially in that headspace, we don’t know. That bear was important to him.” Namjoon notices Seokjin slump and pick at his jeans. “It wasn’t your fault Jin hyung, it could’ve happened to anyone and it was old as it was. Don’t beat yourself up or you’ll make more mistakes.”

“It’s just that this wouldn’t be happening if I hadn’t messed up in the first place. I mean did you you guys see him? He looked so defeated. He was seriously hurting,” if anything, Seokjin sounds defeated too, and Jimin crosses the room to hug him sweetly.

“We’ll make him feel better, hyung,” Jimin smiles. “He can bounce back from anything.”

“Still, I think we should talk to him,” Namjoon tells the group.

“Is that a good idea?” Taehyung worriedly asks. “He’s still upset.”

“Not now, maybe not tomorrow either, but this week,” Namjoon says. “He needs help, we need answers, and he’s clearly hiding a lot from us. We might even have some answers he didn’t know he had questions about.”

“What do we do now...?” Hoseok asks quietly.

“Be nice, don’t tease him about any of this, got it?” Namjoon’s authority radiates through each of their nodding heads. “If any of you make fun of him for how he reacted, you can’t play video games or have any meat for a month.” Namjoon ignores the whines - mostly coming from Jungkook. “This is serious guys. Yoongi doesn’t do well with vulnerability, and what we just saw was the most we’ve ever seen in all the time we’ve known him. Don’t blow it.”

The boys shift awkwardly in silence, waiting for Yoongi to meet them in the living room. They waited for the rest of the day, letting Yoongi slowly make his way out of his room and eventually to his dinner plate. No one pushed him to speak, nor forced him into any conversations - not that there were any going on.

They waited for the rest of the week, thinking it would get better with each day, but it hasn’t. In all honesty, they wouldn’t be able to get over this no matter how long they waited; it’s just something they needed to talk about.

Namjoon left ten minutes ago to retrieve Yoongi, and left the boys to sit in silence, not knowing what to talk about. When the two aforementioned boys walk into the room, Namjoon asks Yoongi to take the seat they placed in front of the group.

“What’s this about?” Yoongi asks defensively. He knows precisely what this is about, but if they’re going to demand he apologize, they’ve got it wrong. Unless this is about them apologizing to him. He takes the seat begrudgingly and crosses his legs.

“We need to talk to you about what happened Tuesday,” Namjoon begins. Yoongi doesn’t say anything, so Namjoon continues. “We feel like there’s been something going on for awhile now, and we probably would’ve come to you sooner about all this, but we only just came to a consensus last night.”

“A consensus about what? And why were you guys talking about me?” Yoongi hates it whenever they talk about him when he isn’t there to defend himself.

“We’re worried,” Jimin tells him. “We didn’t say anything bad though, Yoongi hyung.”

“That’s not the point,” Yoongi snaps back. “If you have something to say, say it to my face.”

“And that’s what we’re doing now,” Namjoon tries to deflate the argument before it gets out of hand. “Each of us have noticed how you sometimes get into these...

peculiar

moods, and we want to know that you’re okay and that there’s nothing you might want to tell us but feel like you can’t. It’s okay to let us know when you need help, or just want to talk. If something’s wrong, we’re all here for you.”

Yoongi shoves back the fuzzy feeling he gets at those words, words he’s been longing to hear. But with all their eyes locked onto him, he feels self-conscious and doesn’t have the courage to say anything. Not that anything is

wrong

, just...hard to explain.

The boys wait patiently as they watch Yoongi focus on his lap, clogs turning from his intense thinking.

Yoongi wishes this was only an apology meeting, that would’ve been easier to handle than this. They think something is wrong with him...

“I’m not...There’s nothing

wrong

with me,” Yoongi finally says, trying not to sound hurt.

“We know that-”

“If you do then why are we even fucking here?” Yoongi cuts Seokjin off and stands abruptly. He’s tired, cranky, hungry, annoyed, and still mad about the bear.

“Watch your language,” Seokjin tells him sternly. “We aren’t trying to be hostile or to start a fight with you.”

Yoongi sees red and can’t help himself from boiling over. “Are you

shitting

me, hyung? I

fucking

hate that you guys are sitting around like little saints who’ve done nothing, pinning all the blame on me like I’m some damn mental patient. That’s always how it goes! Everyone blames every single shitty problem on my depression or anxiety. I hate being people’s scapegoat! I’m

trying!

Doesn’t that count for

shit

anymore? Just leave me the fuck alone! There’s nothing wrong with me! Okay!? Don’t just assume I’m fucked up!”

“No one’s ever used your depression or anxiety against you,” Seokjin says absurdly.

“Oh please! As if this little intervention isn’t about how off the fucking rails I’ve gotten and how I’m going to end up hurting myself. I’ve heard it all before, so stop. Please,” Yoongi plops back onto his seat and hides his face in his hands.

“Why won’t you let us help you?” It’s Namjoon’s turn to feel angry. All they’ve ever done is be there for each other, and they’ve never used anything like that against Yoongi. They would never. “If you think we’re using those things against you, then that’s on

you

and how

you

think, not us. Can you give me one example when we’ve put the blame on you? Better yet, blamed your depression and anxiety? Give me

one

, Yoongi.”

“Right fucking now!” Yoongi bursts. “Why are we even having this discussion in the first place? Because I freaked out? You have no idea how much that shit hurt, Jin! That bear you

carelessly

threw in with all our disgusting dirty clothes was the

only

childhood memory I had that didn’t end badly. It was the only thing that never judged me, never told me to grow up, never laughed at me, never le-left me!”

“Yoongi, breathe!” Namjoon urges.

“Leave me alone! Get away from me,” Yoongi shoves Jimin back and only gets angrier when he sees the hurt on the younger’s face. “Ugh! Everyone just shut up!”

He gasps, fearing the consequences of his outburst. He doesn’t know why he’s so angry, but he can’t stop feeling the rage cloud his vision. It’s like all the emotions that were overrun by his stress are starting to burst out of him at once. He wants to stop, he didn’t want to push Jimin away, he doesn’t want to fight Namjoon or his hyung, let alone let any of the young ones see him like this. He’s scared of himself, of what they think of him now, and how this will affect their friendship tomorrow, or a year from now - if they’ll make it that far with the rate of how things are going. He’s so frustrated about everything lately. He’s so emotionally drained, but at the same time he feels emotionally plugged up.

He doesn’t know when it happens, but he slips and falls so far into his head. Melting all the pain from his memory, all the hurt and confusion from his mind, erasing the anxiety pricking at his fingertips. He falls so, so deep into that small space in his head that smells like lavender and feels soft like his teddy bear. Where it’s as light as a cloud and makes him feel like swaying from the dizziness.

Yoongi hides his face by drawing up his knees and wails harshly, coughing his throat raw. They instantly notice his sobbing begin grow even louder than before. Cautiously, Namjoon crouches in front of the sobbing boy and pulls his legs back down. It’s painful to see so much betrayal in those dark orbs, and it hurts even worse when Yoongi throws himself at him even though he’s the one that caused these tears. He holds Yoongi and rubs his back in small circles, scratching softly between his shoulder blades every now and then.

It’s strange, at first, how Yoongi clings to anyone offering comfort. Namjoon grew tired from crouching and tried to stand, only making Yoongi cry again, reaching his hands out as if asking to be held. It’s strange, at first, how Yoongi mumbles and whimpers non-intelligent sentences into the hugger’s neck, how he looks at them with all the trust in the world despite them causing him so much pain in only a week. What breaks their heart the most is that there’s a tiny ounce of hesitation in everything they do, because deep down everyone knows that this is weird and

not

something they thought they’d have to get used to. And yet, there’s an odd feeling of protectiveness that grows each second Yoongi’s large, innocent eyes bore into any of theirs.

The moment seems to leave just as quickly as it came. Yoongi’s eyes suddenly turn confused and overflow with guilt. He quickly pushes himself, albeit gently, out of Hoseok’s hug and looks around the room. His mind is having such a hard time piecing back what the hell just happened, only remembering broken bits of his breakdown. Like it was all a dream. His legs are weak, limbs a bit numb, head foggy. He’s not sure why he let them do any of that, or why he let

himself

allow it to happen. And no matter how beautiful it felt to be in their care, he knows they wouldn’t want his burden, his confusing as hell impulse. He’s not entirely sure what it is, or where his mind goes, but it’s both comforting and terrifying at the same time. It’s like he has no control, and they already think he has issues.

“Excuse me,” Clearing his throat, Yoongi walks through the room and back upstairs. He rubs at his sore throat and wishes he grabbed a water on his way up, but he really wants to be out of there as quickly as possible.

“Was that…?” Jungkook doesn’t know how to finish his sentence, leaving it hanging in the air. They all look off to where Yoongi left the room, hearing his soft footfalls trail up the stairs.

“Yeah,” Namjoon answers what he assumes. “We just witnessed a complete slip.”

“Did...Did we hurt him?” Jimin asks in a small voice, turning to look at Namjoon.

“Yeah,” Namjoon answers equally quiet, still looking to where Yoongi left. They shouldn’t have let this escalate like it did. They practically forced Yoongi into Little Space. They triggered him,

betrayed

him and yet Yoongi looked to them with trust. It hurts in ways Namjoon didn’t know he could feel.

“How old do you think he was?” Hoseok’s confused voice makes Namjoon remember his own confusion, how that had to be the scariest thing he’s ever seen. It was so quick, and Yoongi seemed to have

believed

he was a child.

“I’m not sure,” Namjoon answers. “We probably won’t know unless he flat out tells us.”

“Now I’m curious,” Taehyung says intriguingly. “He needs our help.”

“Tae, we tried that already, look where it got us,” Seokjin tells him, lying supine on Jimin’s bed.

“No, I mean...If he’s

mentally

so much younger, then he needs us to take care of him, right?” Taehyung looks to Namjoon with a strange look in his eyes, something the elder has never seen before. It looks so fierce, filled with acceptance and compassion, Namjoon almost feels ashamed that his own eyes won’t be mirroring that same look. “I know--I know this is

weird

and...uncomfortable, but

so what

? Even if the doctor says it isn’t a mental illness, what if it was? I doubt we’d be treating him like this...I mean- hear me out. What if he was, uhh...

5

just now? We can’t leave a 5 year old alone, our apartment isn’t even child-proofed. Oh my God, what if he regressed and we weren’t here, he could get seriously hurt. He could fall down the stairs or burn himself on the stove if we forgot to put the safety lock on. What if he drowns in the tub? What if he’s hungry? Who’s going to help him get dressed? Oh my God, there’s so much to do. He can barely take care of himself as an adult, who’s going to be there for him when he’s Little?” Taehyung may be rambling at this point, but the boys see the intelligence of his words. He’s right, and they need to stop being so off put by it and just accept him.

“You’re right,” Jungkook agrees. “I’ve never had a little brother, but looking into his eyes, I felt protective and like I needed this part of him in my life. It’s definitely...different, and I’m not really sure what this will do to all of us, but he needs people to look after him. There’s enough of us to easily take care of him whenever he needs it.”

“Since when did the two youngest get so wise?” Hoseok jokes, bringing smiles out of everyone. “Shouldn’t it be our job to say things like this?” He asks looking to the other two oldest ones in the room.

“Jimin, say something wise so we have 3 to 0,” Jungkook smiles, feeling the tension lesson. They need this.

“How about we leave him be for now? No one crowd him or force any answers out?” Jimin asks, sounding less confident than the other boys.

“Ah, I guess not all the maknaes are wise,” Hoseok comments after a brief moment of silence.

They laugh lightly, still feeling the tension in the air, but bask gratefully in the light atmosphere for at least a moment.

“He’s joking,” Namjoon says to Jimin. “Those are good ideas, too. Just give him some space to think things over, and we should do the same.”

For the next two days, Yoongi hides from the boys or opts out of conversations, only giving small answers and never maintaining eye contact. He’s ashamed of himself, and he’s trying everything he can to make sure that impulse doesn’t happen again. He wasn’t even prepared for it to happen in the first place. All he knew was that he was so scared, his anxiety was through the roof, but the moment he slipped away, everything became better. He’s just humiliated that they had to see him act like...like a mental case. Thinking about that day makes him tight in the chest and he blinks hard to make the tears recede. What he did was bad. He shouldn’t have allowed himself to become that weak. He quite literally threw himself onto them, he didn’t deserve that. He was so angry at them, he disobeyed Seokjin and cursed them out. He’s not much of a profanity user, against popular opinion. Sure he curses in his songs, sometimes when he speaks too, but he would never call his family or brothers rude words or use them to hurt the people he cares about. That’s where the line should’ve been drawn that day, that’s why he’s bad. He’s guilty for so many things he’s said. He was thinking of his past, not his present. The boys never would’ve hurt him in such a way, he shouldn’t have thrown the anger of his past at the people he cares about now.

Taehyung’s been onboard with the idea of being a ‘caretaker’ - as Namjoon put it, saying Dr. Byung Soon recommends they all become educated in what a child needs. He loves kids, especially being the hyung of his siblings, it’s in his nature to nurture. He’s already bought three parenting books for infants to toddlers, terrible twos and what to do, and ages three to seven. He doesn’t know if Yoongi would be any older than seven, but at least he’ll have

some

knowledge coupled with his hands on experience with his own family. He’s more than excited to play with a Little Yoongi. To make sure he never cries like that again, no matter how uncomfortable this all is.

Jungkook is right there with Taehyung. He’s never had a little brother, and he’s excited to see what it’s like. Now he can treat Yoongi like a baby for once, he can

actually

refer to himself as ‘hyung’. He’s read some of the chapters of each book - mainly the important stuff like: food, discipline, activities, house precautions - and he’d be lying if he said it was going to be easy. The books make it sound like kids are bombs. You have to carry them gently, don’t disturb their sleep, can’t play rough, some can be sensitive. There’s just a lot he wasn’t aware of. Not to say Yoongi is going to need

all

of those precautions; he

does

have a twenty-six year old’s body. Still, he’s hoping Yoongi’s Little is a baby. A

potty-trained

baby. A toddler, he wants a toddler. What age do kids become potty-trained? He’ll have to read more of Taehyung’s books. Jungkook suddenly wonders if teaching Little Yoongi how to be better at Overwatch, will help Big Yoongi become better.

Hoseok is ecstatic. He wanted to make ‘Sope’ episodes starring the Little Yoongi, but Namjoon said not to bring this public, it could hurt Yoongi more. So, for now, he’s happy with spoiling the daylights out of him. He already plans on taking him to the arcade, buying him ice creams and candies, taking him to the water park- wait, just because he has the mindset of a child, does that affect what he already learned? Should he consult Taehyung’s baby books? He doubts they’d have anything on Littles. He’ll Google it. He mostly wants to bring Little Yoongi as much happiness as possible. Namjoon said Yoongi’s psychiatrist believes Little Space is caused by stress, anxiety, pain, and fear, so if Yoongi is experiencing any of those and his mind simply doesn’t know how to react, then he’ll make sure Little Yoongi gets all the care he needs. Maybe all that love and affection will seep into Big Yoongi. It’s weird, don’t get him wrong, and he isn’t sure how he’ll react in reality. In theory, it sounds easy - unreal - but easy. A twenty-six year old man acting like a baby...now that’s...Hoseok suddenly feels uncomfortable again and thinks of ways to bring Yoongi relief to prevent Little Space.

Jimin can’t stop worrying. The world is a cruel place, and if any of the public found out Yoongi has a headspace, they could sexualize it or shame him for it. People say harsh things, they can be even deadlier online. He just wants to protect him as much as he can. He also wants to build forts and tickle him endlessly, something Big Yoongi grumbles against. Maybe he can even get Little Yoongi to cuddle with him during nap times. Jimin coos at the idea and scribbles it down on his bullet list. He’ll take Little Yoongi out shopping, discreetly of course, he’ll have to teach the little guy to be mindful in public and how they have to keep things secret. He wants to buy Little Yoongi cute things, such as: a pacifier, fluffy blankets, toys, colourful clothes that he refuses when he’s Big, bottles so he doesn’t spill things, art supplies- Jimin squeals at the many ideas and quickly jots them down.

Seokjin bought a cookbook for children’s favorite foods. It’s been awhile since he was a kid, but even then his mother always made sure he ate healthy foods and skimped on the treats. Maybe that’s why he started his own ‘Eat Jin’ show, so he can eat whatever he wanted. Still, he wants to make sure Yoongi gets a well balanced meal, along with snacks. He might as well take the opportunity to properly feed Yoongi while he’s in Little Space. Big Yoongi would thank him. He’s refused to purchase baby food, much to Jungkook’s disapproval, saying Yoongi couldn’t possibly regress all the way into infantilism. That’s absurd. And if he did, Yoongi still has all his adult teeth, he could eat just fine. He’s going to make Little Yoongi the most healthy boy in town. It’d be cute if maybe Yoongi could be his helper in the kitchen, too, and maybe even teach when to eat and listen to his body. There are so many requirements they need to have prior to even thinking about having a kid. He needs to get safer silverware, for starters, but also take into consideration of putting nightlights in the hallways. His heart startled when Taehyung mentioned Yoongi falling down the stairs. He’s almost done that at his normal mental headspace, he couldn’t sleep thinking a five year old Yoongi is walking the dark halls looking for the bathroom. He could fall and they wouldn’t find him until the morning. Seokjin pales and thinks they should get a baby gate for the stairs, too. Just in case. He’s honestly not ready for a kid, not when he’s already hyung to so many other kids. He worries over them constantly, then adding the possibility of their being a baby? He’s seriously going to have a heart attack. Is now even the right time for all of this? Is there no possible way that Yoongi can just

talk

to them for once?

Namjoon is struggling the most about everything. Yoongi can slip into this mental headspace and suddenly believe he’s a child. Is it the realist in him that finds this completely bizarre and uncomfortable? Well, maybe it’s slightly better to imagine because Yoongi is in fact smaller in stature and height than everyone else. He could quite literally pass for a fourteen year old at times. Or maybe kids are getting bigger these days…? Namjoon humors the idea for a moment and thinks of all the parental things they need to establish. They’d need to make sure there’s nothing that could hurt him laying around, they need a bedtime, nap times, mealtimes, shower times, consequences, rules, things to keep his mind stimulated, safe foods, appropriate disciplinary actions for each age, and an eye on him at all times. There’s honestly so much more he’s probably missing and can’t think of. Yoongi is his best friend, he can’t imagine his

best friend

suddenly becoming a

baby

. Would that include changing his diaper? The thought makes him shiver. He’d have to change a grown man’s diaper. Wipe and powder. That’s just...that’s just

not right

. And he knows the other boys are only thinking about the part of a kid everyone loves, but there's tantrums, the whining, refusing and disobeying, the changing, bathing, and the disciplining. Namjoon can hardly take care of the five other boys, he can’t throw a child in the mix. And maybe he’s over analyzing things, or maybe he isn’t and he’s actually

under

analyzing it. He won’t know until it’s already happening and then where would that leave them? Once it happens it’s done, it’s set for however long Yoongi needs to keep regressing. Days? Weeks? Months?

Years?

When will he grow out of it? He can’t deny Yoongi, either, that would only make things worse and he’s already in so much pain. He just doesn’t know what to do.

It’s dinner time on the fourth day after the ‘intervention’, and they still haven’t had a conversation lasting more than thirty seconds with Yoongi. He’s just so closed off from them, it’s as if they’ve traveled back to predebut days when they first met. He’s absolutely terrified of even looking at them. But they stick to letting him have his peace, let him gather himself and his thoughts, while they do the same. He’s clearly processing things, or that’s what it seems like, but they hate how each day he only looks more beat down. It must be exhausting holding back his Little Space, Taehyung told them once.

Seokjin tried something new, nothing too fancy to make a big deal out of. But he bought smiley face french fries for their burgers, and tossed some stir fried veggies for colour. The cookbook said kids love baby corns and carrots, so he made sure Yoongi’s plate had a lot. He even drew a smiley face in ketchup and mustard onto the patty before handing it to Yoongi, who hesitated before smashing the bun on top. They eat with light conversation, mainly observing Yoongi as he slowly chews on only his first bite. He does however stare at his fries the most. He hasn’t eaten one yet, but he won’t look away. Then Yoongi sets his burger down and doesn’t bother with a second bite, he just stares at his lap.

“Yoongi-ssi, eat your food, please,” Seokjin tells him firmly. He hasn’t told the other boys, but he wants to be the parent, or at least the one who’s the top caregiver of the group. He’s the oldest and it seems right that Yoongi only listens to his final word, at least whenever he’s in Little Space.

They don’t make a scene out of it, but watching Yoongi obeys instantly to Seokjin’s stern voice is kind of...something to be intrigued by. Yoongi picks up a fry this time and munches on it, his eyes growing wide for only a fraction before turning back to nonchalance. And that’s the way he stays the remainder of dinner. Seokjin is just happy he’s eaten all his food.

It’s painful, not knowing what’s wrong with him but feeling like everyone around him does. He hates the way they look at him, like he’ll fall apart again and make an even bigger fool of himself. But he won’t. He’s got an even tighter leash on that crazy side of him. It’s stupid! It’s embarrassing,

humiliating,

weird, freaky, and just...just...it’s just not normal. They clearly don’t want any part of it, well neither does he! He also hates how no one wants to talk to him anymore. There is always a conversation starter on the tip of his tongue, and all he would have to do is open is damn mouth and speak. Though, he can’t. Fear and panic bite his tongue, and he thinks they wouldn’t care what he has to say anyways. What’s the point of trying to make light conversation when all anyone can think of is how mentally unstable Yoongi is. He doesn’t have a single clue on what to do or who to go to. Dr. Byung Soon would be so disappointed if she knew that he wasn’t as good as she thought, that the bear she gave him is destroyed, that he’s gotten worse since they last spoke.

Each night, he’s just been laying atop his sheets, looking out the window at the moon. Sometimes he’d suddenly start lightly kicking his feet and clumsily bringing his hands up to rub his face, an occasional finger slipping into his mouth. He’d feel tingly and scared the further he fell. So, he’d blink and shake his head to get away as far as possible from that feeling. Then he’d just lay there again, not bothering to crawl under the sheets, the bag of his destroyed bear hidden deep in his closet where he kept the other skeletons, a cool draft wafting from the air vent that makes him cold but not cold enough to care, and just

stare

at the moon.

He wants to say he’s depressed again, but this is different than what he normally experiences. Before his depression was caused from living a life he couldn’t win at. People always telling him he couldn’t be the one thing that ever brought him joy. Tearing him down because they thought it was right. He lived for them for awhile, but then it became a maze, and no matter what turn he made it was always wrong. He couldn’t make them proud, but he kept trudging because he believed that their happiness equaled his own. He believed their happiness was

above

his own. So he got lost in their path, and he lost sight of his own. When he found it again, when he was lying on his bed and told himself he couldn’t do it anymore, he tried to live for himself. And he finally made the right turn. It hurt at first, the guilt, because he felt as though he was betraying everyone. And he still feels that way at times, thinking if he’ll ever prove himself to his family. But he knows he’s made the right choice every time he sees a smiling fan, a story of how they helped them realize who they were, the awards of success.

This depressed feeling, this one is

so much

worse. Because he has everything he’s ever wanted. However, he’s miserable because he’s lost not the path, but himself. He questions everything he does, who he is,

what

he is, and how it’s screwing up everything. He’s scared to leave his room because he might have another accident and he isn’t sure if he’ll be able to come out of it. What if he got trapped, lost forever? It hurts him so much, to be afraid of himself. He just wants assurance that nothing is wrong with him, even if he knows it isn’t true, because there

is

something wrong. He denies it constantly, but it’s true, there’s something not right about any of this. He doesn’t want to be like this. He’s so very miserable, so,

so

alone in this dark world that surrounds him. Each time it happens, it’s impossible to catch at first and that scares him so fucking much. He’ll just suddenly be in consumed by this dizzy, fuzzy feeling and his mind screams at him to stop and go back to normal. He has to fight so much, but he’s so tired of it all already.

Yoongi doesn’t fight the tears that roll down his temples and into his hairline. He turns onto his right side, staring longingly at the moon, for it to glow brighter and illuminate his eternal darkness. He curls into himself and cries silently, begging to be normal. Over and over again, he tells his mind to stop messing with him all the time. Why can’t he have a normal mind? He always looks at the boys and wonders if they cry at night, too, or if he’s seriously that alone. The thought makes him weak, telling himself that he’d

never

wish this pain on anyone. If there is a single chance that any of the boys feel an ounce of what he does, he’ll beg God, or whoever is in charge, to take their pain away and give it him. He’d take it all if it meant they’d be happy. And with that thought, he forces himself to stop crying. He needs to stop letting his mind slip up, he needs to be better for his friends.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

It’s such a painfully obvious change in behavior, it’s like he isn’t even trying to hide it at this point. Yoongi looks downright pale and sickly. They haven’t seen him smile or heard him laugh in days. He doesn’t even smirk. In fact, he hasn’t changed his expression at all from the tired one on his face. He’s almost lifeless, only going through the motions of his day to day routine and not actually living it. He’s worn the same outfit for the past three days, also, but no one has the heart to tell him to change. Not that he fights them on anything in his current state. Conversing with him hasn’t gotten better, per se, but they

have

been able to speak with him. However, just like the rest of him, his voice contains no expression and sounds drained and exhausted. They don’t know what to do anymore.

It’s laundry day, and today’s rotation is Hoseok and Jungkook. They thought it would be difficult for Yoongi to think about, the demolition of his bear is what opened this can of worms. However, when Hoseok knocks and asks him to open up, Yoongi opens almost immediately and lets the younger go through his clothes. Yoongi lays back down the bed and watches Hoseok silently.

“I’m washing whites first,” Hoseok says.

“Mm,” Yoongi hums in confirmation.

When Hoseok turns to see what Yoongi is doing, he turns back to the clothes seeing that Yoongi is watching him intently. It’s almost uncomfortable under Yoongi’s indifferent stare, like he’s waiting for him to make a mistake. Maybe to see if he takes something he shouldn’t? Maybe because it’s the most entertainment he’s seen all day?

“Anything else or is this it?” Hoseok looks to the white shirt Yoongi’s been sporting all week.

“Mmhmm,” Yoongi gives a small nod of his head, stopping almost mid way as if tired from the slight movement.

“Here,” Hoseok sighs and opens one of Yoongi’s drawers. He takes out a black crew neck t-shirt. “At least change your shirt and let me wash it. I’ll get your pants during the next load.”

“Mm-mm,” Yoongi stubbornly denies the request.

“You have one of two options: you take off your shirt yourself, or I do it. Either way, it’s coming off,” Hoseok sternly tells him. He’s tired of tiptoeing around the elder, because no matter how hard they try, nothing seems to be getting through to him. He’s such a hard headed guy.

“Mm-mm~” Yoongi whines this time, turning away from Hoseok and curling into himself.

“Stop throwing a tantrum and get over here,” Hoseok’s getting tired of this behavior when it’s so simple to just take off the shirt and give it to him, why is he being so...childish.

“Mm-mm!” Yoongi is growing more irritable, he just wants to be alone.

Hoseok sighs and crawls onto the bed and grabs Yoongi’s shirt. “Let me do it then, kay?” Hoseok changes his voice to something more gentle.

“Don’t touch me,” Yoongi growls.

Hoseok rolls his eyes and begins to take the shirt off, and he’s surprised when Yoongi doesn’t fight back. He just pouts and looks anywhere but at Hoseok, limp limbed and stubborn.

“Here, put it on,” Hoseok hands him the black shirt, but Yoongi ignores it and makes a grumbling noise, lips in a pout. “Fine, you whiny baby.”

Yoongi looks hurt for a split second, allowing himself to be dressed, even helping put his head and arms through the holes this time around. Hoseok is both gratified and apologetic for being so harsh. He knows everyone is having a hard time right now, Yoongi having the worst of it all. He should be more understanding and patient.

“There, was that so difficult?” Hoseok says with a smile.

“Yes,” Yoongi grumbles, still not looking at the younger.

“I’ll be back for your shorts later,” Hoseok tells him, leaving the room and closing the door quietly.

When Hoseok comes back for the second load, he finds Yoongi already changed, his shorts thrown over the side of the laundry hamper. Hoseok gives him a smiling ‘thank you’ which elicits a mere grumble from the elder. It’s honestly hard to tell if Yoongi is perhaps in Little Space at this moment, because Yoongi can actually be this stubborn at times - unless he’s been Little in the past as well. Hoseok has no idea where the line is drawn between pure disobedience and being stubborn, or where the child behavior starts. Yoongi is hard to read as it is, and he’s never been a very open guy about his emotions. Jungkook always tells the elder to come talk to them whenever he’s in need, but Yoongi won’t even humor them with an ‘okay, thank you’. He’ll just look to the ground and wait for the discussion to be over. He doesn’t enjoy being vulnerable, no matter how many team bonding exercises they do together.

“Hyung, you should go take a shower,” Hoseok tells Yoongi, who grumbles yet again. “C’mon, it’s been almost a week and I’m positive you haven’t bathed.”

“I just put on clean clothes, though,” Yoongi comments, and of course he’d say that.

Hoseok rolls his eyes, “Fine. Lunch is almost ready, come eat something today.”

And with that, Hoseok is out of the room leaving Yoongi alone to his own self deprecating thoughts. He would never tell Hoseok his reasoning, but he was being stubborn and purposefully disobedient because he missed the interaction and attention. As much as he’s depressed, his subconscious still wants to survive, and that means trying to bring him joy and social connection. He does feel that his spirit is slightly elevated, but now that Hoseok is gone he feels himself laying even heavier against the mattress bed. He feels like he wouldn’t be able to move even if he wanted to.

“I just don’t know what to do,” Namjoon breathes heavily, trying to find any reassurance to lessen his guilt. He grips the phone tighter, leaning over his soundboard with one hand rubbing his clammy forehead.

“Namjoon-ssi, listen to me,” Dr. Byung Soon tenderly demands. “This situation would be hard for anyone, and you need to know that you are doing

so very well.

You’re taking the time to understand him, you’re looking into how to help him, and you’re doing far more than the majority of patients I work with. Yoongi-ssi is lucky to have you in his life.”

“But he’s hurting so bad, nuna, and it’s because I

don’t understand

. I’m trying so hard to be okay with it and to just accept it, but it’s so damn uncomfortable,” Namjoon is feeling a panic attack not too far off. “Everything is just becoming too much. There’s a side of me that screams to help him and give him everything he needs, but then there’s the part of me who sees the actuality of the entire situation. Yoongi hyung

believes

he’s a

child.

He behaves completely different than my best friend. I know you keep telling me it’s not, but how could this

not

be a mental disorder? My brain just can’t accept that this is plausible! It’s stressing me out and I don’t know how to bring the team together anymore. We’re constantly walking on eggshells. No one wants to talk about what they’re thinking anymore. What is this gonna do to the team? I have to be the worst leader If I can’t handle something like this.”

“Breathe for me, hun, that’s the first and only thing I want you to worry about right now,” Dr. Byung Soon’s soft and patient voice is like air to his lungs. “That’s it, just take all the time you need. It’s perfectly okay to feel this way, you are totally okay for feeling this way. Everything you feel is valid and should be taken into account. There’s nothing wrong with feeling uncomfortable. Keep breathing deeply and slowly. I want you take things one step at a time from now on, okay Namjoon-ssi? It’s okay not to know what’s going to happen a week from now, or tomorrow even. Handle what you want done for

today.

That’s what I want you to do from now on until your anxiety becomes a little better, okay? It’s okay to be distraught, it shows you care very deeply for your hyung. So tell me, what do you want to happen today?”

Namjoon exhales shakily and thinks for a moment about what he really needs to do today. “I want to apologize to Yoongi hyung.”

“That’s an excellent start,” Dr. Byung Soon praises. “Start there and then see where that leads you. Take each moment step-by-step and really take in the situation. Don’t think too far into the future right now, just focus on what needs to be done

now, today.

I think starting with an apology is a brilliant way to open up a brighter avenue for everyone. If you need me, you know I’m always a phone call away or you can come down and visit. I have a client, so I’m going to have to talk to you again another time.”

“Okay, thank you so much, doctor-nim,” Namjoon smiles in appreciation, feeling so much more level-headed.

“Anytime, Namjoon-ssi. I’ll talk to you soon, bye-bye now.”

Namjoon ends the call and sits back in his seat with a long sigh. He needs to do this or he’s not going to be able to make any type of coherent thought, and he’s certainly not going to be able to write music. This is going to help everyone out in the long run, and it’s the first step they need to take towards healthy healing.

The first time they confronted him, things ended badly, this time, Namjoon goes to him alone and knocks gently on his door. When Yoongi opens it, Namjoon can see how he tenses and drops his eyes back down to the floor.

“May I come in?” Namjoon asks politely.

“Mmhmm…” Yoongi hums.

Namjoon follows Yoongi over to his bed and watches the elder sit at the foot, obviously knowing that Namjoon only came here for one thing: to talk. The leader takes his seat on Yoongi’s desk chair and wheels it closer so he’s in front of Yoongi but a comfortable distance so he doesn’t feel crowded.

“You’re not in trouble, Yoongi,” Namjoon says gently, wishing on everything to make that tense posture loosen. “I came here to apologize.” Namjoon waits for any type of confirmation that Yoongi heard him, but continues after a moment of silence. “I’m sorry that we were talking about you behind your back, we know how much you don’t like that and it was wrong of us. I’m also sorry that our ‘intervention’ felt more like a blame party. That was never our intention and you have every right to feel attacked, but just know that we would

never

use anything like that against you. From now on, if we have any personal questions or concerns about you, I’ll make sure it’s brought to you first so you can debunk or confirm it straight from the source. I hope you know how absolutely sorry I am, hyung, and I would never want to hurt you. I’m sorry that I waited so long to get the balls to come forward, so please take my apology with all the sincerity I can offer.”

Yoongi finally makes eye contact and feels nauseous with the amount of shame and guilt that swims in Namjoon’s eyes.

“I forgive you,” Yoongi says quietly, looking at his lap. “You...You didn’t know better.” It’s Yoongi who should’ve had better control,

he

should know what’s wrong with him.

“Thank you,” Namjoon smiles, feeling so much better if only for a second. Because Yoongi is still as depressed as ever, still hunched in on himself, head lowered, and fingers still fumbling with that loose thread on his shorts that keeps getting longer and longer. He’ll complain about there being a whole, saying he and Seokjin should go shopping. “Can I ask you something?”

“I guess…” Yoongi shrugs, too tired to put up any fight.

His voice sounds dry, Namjoon notes with a grimace, wondering when he drank water last. One step at a time, one moment at a time. He needs to tackle the problem that’s blocking all kinds of communication first before he can ask anything of Yoongi.

“Why didn’t you tell us about, uhm...” Now Namjoon’s tongue-tied. He thought it over and over in his head how he’d confront Yoongi about Little Space, but having that opportunity sitting right in front of him is almost too real. It’s scary because the answer is one answer away. He doesn’t want to ask anymore, he’s too afraid of what may or may not be true. Is he more worried of Yoongi actually being a Little or more worried that they all screwed with his mind and all this mistrust and fighting was for nothing? He doesn’t know what would be worse.

“About what?” Yoongi looks up from his lap, all the pain, the exhaustion, the dried tears like a painting on his face. Namjoon can choose to interpret it as not his fault, or he could see the truth in the thick, swirls of paint and understand that he can’t keep screwing Yoongi over pretending that this isn’t blatantly staring him in the face. He needs to forget about his own insecurities and help his member out, like a true leader would do.

“Why didn’t you tell us about your Headspace?” Namjoon asks gently.

So they do know, Yoongi cringes. They know about his mental problem of one second being normal to the next being completely out of control. They know he’s sick. ‘Headspace’ is an interesting way to put ‘mentally unstable’. Namjoon is always trying to be nice.

“I...I don’t even know what’s happening, Joon,” Yoongi says honestly, the first hint of emotion he taps into, but after so long it’s honestly too much. “I feel a-ashamed and guilty about it. Is there something wrong with me?” Now he’s crying, voice painful because his throat is too tight and sore. But he keeps going because he’s had so much on his mind, so much that’s been troubling him, and he’s tired of carrying it all alone. “I want it to stop but ca- I can’t control it, Joonie. I feel so guilty every single time I let myself slip up. I don’t wan- want it. I feel like a burden. It’s clearly unwanted, and something that’ll get in the way with our careers. We can’t afford th-this, and I’m trying no-not to let it out anymore but-” Yoongi begins to gasp, his tears falling so hotly against his cheeks. “It hurts so much and I’m so fucking scared, Joonie!”

Those words, those painfilled words, were honestly the same thoughts and words Namjoon told Dr. Byung Soon, and they were words he stood by, however hearing it from Yoongi’s cracking voice and tearful eyes only makes him ache in the chest. His fear is confirmed, all of it, except Yoongi himself was just as confused as everyone, and that makes Namjoon’s eyes water, feeling like a monster. He always thought, or assumed really, that Yoongi knew about it. He felt annoyed by Yoongi’s nonchalance and lack of honesty, but he genuinely didn’t know and Namjoon shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. It’s only because he’s afraid for the group, what all this would do, and he needed a target for his frustrations, and Yoongi has a lot of secrets. The younger gets out of his chair and envelopes Yoongi into a protective embrace, swearing not to let go until Yoongi hears every single word he’s about to say.

“I’m so, so,

so sorry,

Yoongi,” Namjoon tries to gain a sturdy grip on his emotions. Now isn’t his time to cry, it’s all about Yoongi. “There is

nothing

wrong with you, do you hear me? Nothing. You’re a wonderful person who deserves extra attention when you’re in need, and there is absolutely

nothing

wrong with that. It’s so much more common than you think, and tons of people do it to relieve stress or anxiety. It’s

normal

, Yoongi, and you can be as Little or as Big as you feel like,

whenever

you need it. We’ll be here for you, but that means you need to let us know what you need, too, because we’re learning just like you. If you ever feel overwhelmed by anything at all, you can tell me or any of the other boys and we’ll be there to help you feel better- whether that means going into Little Space or just talking about it. And….And if you’d have me...I want--I want to be your caretaker.”

It’s an offer Namjoon thought he’d never make, but it’s something Dr. Byung Soon mentioned Yoongi needing, and if Yoongi needed it then he’d provide it. Seeing Yoongi miserable and broken over something that he wishes he didn’t have, something he wishes he wasn’t a part of, made Namjoon realize that Yoongi is probably more scared than any of them, and a hell of a lot more scared than he puts on. This whole time Namjoon was being selfish and thought he was the only one looking at it on a serious level. When here, all along, Yoongi was fighting off something he

couldn't

control, something his mind forced him into. For some reason, that makes this all easier to accept. It makes Yoongi even more naive, innocent, vulnerable, and in need of protection both Big and Little. His heart is so fragile, too large, and so much more open to break than what people choose to believe. He’s quite emotional, and Namjoon should’ve accepted this a long time ago.

Yoongi feels a cascade of warmth rush over him before he can even process what’s happening. For some reason, Namjoon telling him that he’d take care of him makes his mind hazey and fingers tingly. It’s hard to sift through his thoughts, everything is glazed in a glob of honey. He feels himself sway and grow sleepy with a joint feeling of relaxing muscles. His crying is ceasing to small sniffles and hiccups, and for the first time he doesn’t feel ugly. He doesn’t feel alone or disgusting, because

Namjoon

knows about it and

normalized

it. The fuzzy feeling is stronger than he’s ever experienced before, and every so often he forgets where he is or what he’s doing. It’s like having spatial memory coupled with acute vertigo. He feels Namjoon’s hold on him get tighter, chin resting on his head, pushing him off the edge.

“Yoongi?” Namjoon feels Yoongi’s body become lax, almost all his weight now pressed against his body. Perhaps he’s fallen asleep. “Are you awake?” He whispers.

Yoongi’s face emerges from the crook of Namjoon’s neck, his face wet from sweat and tears, fringe a mess, lips, nose, and rim of his eyes pink and--

his eyes

. Namjoon has seen this look before. Those eyes, so wide and innocent, curious and naive, bright and careless, trusting and so childish. Namjoon can’t help the smile that itches at his lips, watching Yoongi squirm to get all the way onto Namjoon’s lap. The smaller rests his head again on Namjoon’s chest, closing his eyes to listen to the soft heart beating.

“Hi…?” Namjoon whispers, scared he’ll break the moment. This is weird. There’s a grown man on his lap looking at him like he’s gone, just mentally tapped out.

“Hi…” Yoongi whispers tiredly.

Namjoon has the sudden urge to coo but opts to smile painfully hard, forgetting how odd this is supposed to feel. It’s interesting to observe, and he’s more intrigued than bothered.

“Hi,” His voice is so light, airy and gentle as it coats the air in such a sweet feeling. It’s more persistent this time, like he’s demanding Namjoon respond or praise him. It’s still Yoongi’s voice, just child-sounding. How does he describe it? Not like aegyo, that forced sounding baby-talk. This is more gentle, soft, the voice you use to speak to a puppy or a baby. It sounds pouty, small, and it spikes a fatherly nature in Namjoon to protect him at all costs.

“D’you wanna take a nap?” Namjoon can’t help but find his own voice matching the light aura of Yoongi’s.

“Don’ wanna,” Yoongi pouts, clinging closer to Namjoon, making the latter chuckle through his nose. It’s cute, Namjoon decides.

“How old are you, Yoongi?” Namjoon asks, that same fear bubbling back into his chest, telling him that he should answer twenty-six. He shoves it back, letting that other side of him take over, the side that loves this, that cherishes and accepts this.

“These,” Yoongi holds out his fingers clumsily and counts to himself with a curled thumb and two fingers resting over it in that cute way that Yoongi counts. He holds up his fingers, a bit hesitant.

“Three?” Namjoon asks, earning a small nod from Yoongi. “Wow! That’s so cool!” Namjoon is blessed with a shy smile, glad he chose to go with excitement and not worry that he regressed twenty-three years.

“C’mon, let’s go,” Namjoon sets Yoongi onto the bed and expects Yoongi to get up and follow him. “C’mon, Yoongi, let’s go say hi to the others.”

Yoongi shakes his head and reaches his arms up at Namjoon, who tilts his head and creases his eyebrows.

“You want me to carry you?” Namjoon asks bewildered.

“Mmmm!” It’s such a demanding little noise, but it makes Namjoon comply, albeit awkwardly.

“How do you want me to carry you?” Namjoon tries to put one hand under Yoongi’s legs, but the latter grunts and kicks. “Yoongi, remember, you have to tell me what you need or I can’t help you.”

“Up…” Yoongi grumbles sadly, his eyes growing moist.

“I know, I know. I’m trying,” Namjoon is quick to try and reassure, but he still has no idea how he wants to he held. “D’you wanna get on my back? Piggy-back ride?” Yoongi shakes his head, holding his arms up again.

Namjoon leans forward and lets Yoongi wrap his arms around his neck, when the former puts his arms under Yoongi’s legs again, he whines and makes more sounds of disapproval. So Namjoon backs off and lets Yoongi wrap his legs around Namjoon’s waist. It’s weird. So fucking weird. But Namjoon lifts him up fully and let's Yoongi settle onto his hip with one arm going down his side to rest under his butt and the other holding his back. He’s so very lucky Yoongi is underweight, or this would be impossible. He’s still a bit heavy, and this is probably something he wouldn’t be able to do often, but maybe something Jungkook or Seokjin wouldn’t mind doing.

“Better?” Namjoon asks with a smile.

“Yeah…” Yoongi gets shy suddenly and ducks into Namjoon’s neck.

Namjoon begins to walk out of the bedroom when Yoongi suddenly jerks, wiggling around. It’s hard to keep him still, Yoongi being both heavier than a child and having him push against him hard.

“Let me down,” Yoongi says, growing still.

“But you jus-”

“I said, put me down, Joon,” Yoongi slower, expression unreadable.

As soon as Yoongi’s feet touch the floor, he’s rushing to his restroom, shutting the door. Namjoon can hear him peeing, confused by what just happened.

“Are you okay?” Namjoon asks when Yoongi exits the bathroom.

“No I’m not okay!” Yoongi begins to shout,
throwing his arms in the air and fixing his messy hair. “I almost

pissed

myself, and I can’t believe I was being carried like a fucking baby!”

“Yoongi, it’s okay-”

“No! It’s weird and I’m sorry I made you feel like you had to do that. I can take care of this on my own. I mean,

fuck.

Any longer and I swear I would’ve pissed on you,” Yoongi is blushing, feeling humiliated for being seen like that.

Namjoon brushes his own embarrassment to the side and grabs both of Yoongi’s shoulders.

“You didn’t have control-” Yoongi whines, about to say something when Namjoon shushes him. “No, listen to me. I’m not denying that this is weird and by far the most uncomfortable thing we’ve ever had to confront, but that doesn’t mean we can’t try and get used to it. It’ll take time, but I swear it’ll be worth it. I’m not sure why I know that, but for some reason I just know we’ll be fine. I want to take care of you. I’d happily do that for you, understand? I’m not just saying this, I

want

to do this for you.”

Yoongi gently pushing Namjoon’s arms away. “You don’t know what you want, you don’t know what you’re asking for- not even

I

know what you’re asking for.”

“I want to be your caregiver, Yoongi,” Namjoon puts his hand back on Yoongi’s shoulder, turning him to face each other. “I’m serious. And I’m certain everyone out that door would love to be helpful to you, too. On a scale of acceptance and refusal, I was dead close to refusal but look at me now! I want to be here for you Yoongi, so let me be.”

It’s silent for a moment, both boys lost in their own minds. Namjoon thinking if Yoongi is going to deny him and continue this goose chase. And Yoongi thinking if he can truly let go and allow this unknown side of him to take over.

“Call her,” Is all Yoongi says.

“Who?” Namjoon asks.

“You know who,” Yoongi says instead of answers. “Tell her I need the closest available appointment.”

“Okay…” Namjoon is worried about Yoongi refusing his Little side and what that could mean for his emotional and mental health. “I’ll let you know what she says.”

Namjoon closes the bedroom door behind him and takes out his phone. It’s been five long years since Yoongi’s sat down in Dr. Byung Soon’s office, and oddly enough, Namjoon is rooting for Yoongi’s Headspace to come out at the end of all this. Out of the options of coping with his issues, Little Space is the best possible solution. It’s not uncommon knowledge of Yoongi’s suicidal past, he’s mentioned it in his song ‘The Last’ in order to help people find their own hope. And although he’s never attempted, he’s thought of it enough that it eventually killed him from the inside. It took a lot to get that cheery side of him out when they first met, and when Yoongi’s friend group grew, he found the family of a lifetime. He became so expressive and outgoing, even if he was still shy and standoffish in public, the boys knew that one day he’d be able to share with the world his energetic side. Namjoon’s just afraid that if he continues to close himself off from the group and from himself, then he’ll begin coping in other methods.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“How’d it go?” Namjoon asks when Yoongi sits himself into the car.

“Fine,” Yoongi pulls his face mask under his chin and eyes their driver, feeling unsafe to speak of something like this openly. Namjon catches where his eyes lead and gets the hint.

“We can talk about it when we get home,” Namjoon tells him.

“Can you take us to BigHit, please, Ki hyung-nim?” Yoongi asks.

“Sure thing,” Their driver, Ki, says.

“Why are we going there?” Namjoon asks Yoongi.

“Because I’m going to my studio,” Yoongi answers simply, gazing out the window.

“And

now

seems like the appropriate time for that? We’re going home to talk,” Namjoon tells him.

“Joon, I don’t feel like it right now,” Yoongi sighs in frustration, cursing the heavy traffic.

“Please take us home, Ki hyung-nim,” Namjoon requests.

“Of course,” Ki says, slight hesitancy in his change of destination, but Yoongi doesn’t offer a rebuttal. He just sighs and leans against the window.

-

“It’s a pleasure to see you again, Yoongi-ssi,” Dr. Byung Soon smiles.

“It’s nice to see you, too,” Yoongi says, though he doesn’t mean it because he’d rather be anywhere else but here.

“What do you want to talk about today?” Dr. Byung Soon is already back into their old routine. Yoongi would be sent in by his parents and he’d walk timidly to the couch, she’d make light conversation that somehow always led to him messing with the brown fur of the bear while spilling his secrets, then he’d leave feeling either a little more confused or a little better. However now, his parents aren’t waiting for him in the lobby, he doesn’t have the bear to distract himself with, it’s just him and her, and he’s sorry to be back. But he wants to fix this, once and for all.

“Please stop pretending,” Yoongi sits tiredly on the couch he’s become so familiar with. Being back here after so long is both comforting and frustrating. He swore to himself he wouldn’t need to come back.

“I’m not pretending to be happy to see you, Yoongi-ssi. I’m genuinely joyful to see how healthy you’ve gotten,” Dr. Byung Soon sits comfortably in her chair, placed at an angle across from the couch. Her notebook resting on her lap, an unfinished page opened from their last session five years ago. She turns the page to write today’s date.

“That’s not what I meant,” Now Yoongi feels bad for making her misunderstand. “I mean to stop pretending you don’t know why I’m here. I’m sure you and Joon were talking, maybe even long before he called you yesterday.”

“Ah, I see,” Dr. Byung Soon nods her head in understanding. “Then yes, Namjoon-ssi and I have been in contact, however it’s not all what you think. He has his personal reasons as well..”

“Really? Is he alright?” Yoongi is struck with concern at hearing their leader is seeking out psychiatric help.

“You know I can’t disclose the nature of his sessions. If you’d like to know I’m sure he’d tell you, though. He trusts you,” Dr. Byung Soon points out. “But let’s focus on you, tell me what’s been on your mind. Why did you come to see me today?”

“I dunno…” Yoongi always hates this part, opening up and laying out all his inner thoughts, but he asked for this, to come here, so he needs to speak up. He opens his mouth, eliciting a deflated sigh as he closes it again.

“It’s just me, you know everything you say here today is kept in totality. I won’t tell anyone unless you want me to, but everything you say here today is kept between you and me,” Dr. Byung Soon tells him.

“You always use to say that,” Yoongi recalls. “Except you used to say ‘you, me, and the bear’.” Yoongi chuckles emptily.

“You’re right, I did,” Dr. Byung Soon agrees. “Though, seeing as there’s no bear, I decided to leave that part out. I’m curious as to why you didn’t bring it along today, I was told you received it. Do you no longer need it?”

Yoongi wants cry and stomp and scream ‘

yes!

I need it!’

“It got destroyed by, um, accident,” Yoongi admits sadly.

“Oh no! What happened?” Dr. Byung Soon asks, genuine care in all of their conversations is something she can’t help. Yoongi has become quite close to her, and she knows it’s bad. There’s that wall a patient and doctor must keep between each other, however Yoongi reminds her of her own son. He passed away three years ago by his own hand, seeing Yoongi is like a breath of fresh air. She can’t help but mother him.

“Jin hyung forgot it was in the washer and it fell apart in the dryer,” Yoongi sucks in a sharp breath, picking at his jeans and forcing that tightness in his throat to go away.

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” She watches him nod in agreement, knowing that he’s so very close to breaking down. “Were you upset at him, at your hyung?” As much as she hates doing this to Yoongi, he’d never talk unless all his emotional barriers are gone.

“Y-yeah,” Yoongi’s breath is stuttery, but he forces himself to keep his composure.

“Why is that?” She asks gently.

Yoongi looks up this time, his face aghast. “Because he

destroyed

it!” He exclaims like it's obvious why he’s mad.

“But

why

are you so upset? It was only an object, Yoongi-ssi, something you can easily replace. It wasn’t alive, it wasn’t even in your life for the past five years until now.” Dr. Byung Soon has been writing his reactions down this entire time, chalking up theories to later analyze and label.

The thought of his bear possibly being alive stung for some reason, it made his heart beat a little faster but he isn’t sure why. As if he’s upset that his fake bear got hurt. He pushes that ridiculous feeling away.

“But...It was special,” Yoongi still hasn’t dealt with what happened to his bear, the days just kept escalating that he honestly forgot about it in the chaos of things.

“What made it special?” She asks.

“It was nice to me…” Yoongi feels a pull on his chest, like words are being spoken without his permission. It’s that damn dizzy feeling. It’s just been getting worse and worse, each time becoming harder and harder to stop.

“The bear was nice to you, Yoongi-ssi? What did the bear do that made it so nice?” There’s never any judgment in her voice, and Yoongi appreciates that. Although this time, there’s a slight edge of playfulness that lulls his head and lures him closer. Everything always felt safer in this secret room, or that’s what he called it. The room where he shared his secrets. It’s almost like a compartment in his brain, only it’s a manifestation in real life. And there’s a person here to help him organize all his thoughts. He looks at his doctor with trust, knowing she’d never judge him, just like how his bear didn’t.

“Yeah...Bear was nice to me…” Yoongi mumbles, looking back at his jeans and feeling a little fuzzy, like he’s being taken out of the moment. “It--It wouldn’t make fun of me. It didn’t judge me or be mean. Bear

always

listened to me.”

Dr. Byung Soon noticed the lack of conjunction. “Was that it’s name? ‘Bear’?”

Yoongi shrugs, not really understanding why the details of his bear were so important. “Yeah…”

“Was Bear a boy or a girl?” Dr. Byung Soon writes down this new pieces of information.

“A boy,” Yoongi sniffles, missing the friend he made when he needed it most.

“Now I understand why Bear being...taken away from you is so hard,” She can’t say ‘destroyed’ not now that she knows he personified his bear into being his friend. “It’s okay to cry about losing something, or someone, you care about, Yoongi-ssi.” She always keeps a tissue box on the small table to the right of the couch, and feels relieved when Yoongi reaches for one.

-

“Thank you, Ki hyung-nim,” Namjoon smiles, stepping out of the car with Yoongi not too far behind him.

“You’re welcome. You guys have a nice rest of your day,” Ki tell them before rolling up his window and taking off.

“Hey, slow down!” Namjoon lightly jogs up to Yoongi, who took off before Ki even finished rolling up his window.

“I’m tired,” Yoongi clips.

“I thought you were going to work at the studio? You mean to tell me you were just going to sleep in there?” Namjoon plays against him.

“Well I fell asleep in the car and now I’m tired,” Yoongi annoyingly defends. They step into the elevator and ride it up to their floor.

“You told me we’d talk after you saw Dr. Byung Soon nuna,” Namjoon reminds.

“And you told me she called about how happy she was that I’ve been good for all these years. She gave you that bear because you went there to talk about me behind my back,” Yoongi throws back.

“Okay, you’re right, I lied. But, that was because I didn’t want to upset you,” Namjoon explains. “And if we sit down and talk, we
can both clear the air.”

Yoongi steps out of the elevator first followed by Namjoon. “I don’t even know what you want me to talk about, you seem to know everything that’s wrong with me anyways.”

“Nothing is

wrong

with you, Yoongi, how many times do I have to say that?” Namjoon is trying so hard to be patient. He takes out the key and unlocks the front door. “I just want to know if you’re okay.”

“Hi guys,” Hoseok greets when they walk pass the living room. “How was it?”

“Fine,” Yoongi answers. Hoseok looks to Namjoon who shrugs, continuing to walk to keep up with Yoongi.

Seokjin lowers his book and glances at Hoseok, who shrugs and goes back to watching an old dance video on his laptop.

They head upstairs and Namjoon knows the second Yoongi steps into his room, he won’t be coming out for the rest of the day. He was trying to be quick and lock Namjoon out, but the younger male is much stronger and easily pushes the door back open, locking it with both of them in the room.

-o

“...I couldn’t stop myself. Everything was almost like a dream. I still can’t remember what happened, and a part of me thinks it wasn’t even real. All I remember is feeling so angry, crying, feeling warm and people touching me, and then I’m suddenly in Hobi’s arms. It’s driving me nuts. I just want to know what I did,” Yoongi sighs and rubs at his eyes. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to cry for a while.

“You could, but that would require you

willingly

going into Little Space,” Dr. Byung Soon explains. “It seems as though your mind gets to the point to where it forces you into Little Space, however if you willingly go into it, then I’m sure you’ll retain the majority of your memories.”

“Not all of them?” Yoongi asks.

“You will still experience spatial memory because this is a special Headspace where it relieves you of responsibilities of adult life. Little Space allows people to

do

and live freely and without tension,” She tells him. At first Yoongi seemed reluctant to even listen to the possibility of being a Little, but after she started explaining the feelings that happen when the mind slips he instantly jumped back into the conversation. Everything he’s experiencing is exactly how she described it. As much as he doesn’t want to believe it, it’s better than being with an unknown mental illness. This way, he can learn and understand what’s happening, and maybe he’ll stop being so scared.

“What if...What if I don’t want to remember it at all?” Yoongi asks curiously, biting it lower lip.

“I thought the problem was fearing what you’d do out of your control?” She asks.

“It still is...but...if I didn’t remember it at all then I’d have nothing to be ashamed about. I wouldn’t know anything,” Yoongi honestly is starting to like that idea more than remembering himself act like a child. “I mean I almost-- I almost peed on Joon…” He blushes at the memory. “If I did actually do that, then I wouldn’t be able to look him in the eyes anymore, but if I didn’t remember it then no harm done.”

“Little Space isn't a predictable science as much as we’d like to believe,” She tells him sadly. “You’d have to be very deep into Little Space in order to not remember, but you never can truly know how deep you’ll fall into that Headspace.”

“Oh…” Yoongi disappointingly frowns.

“For now, let’s just try to get you comfortable being in Little Space,” She quickly moves from topic, not letting Yoongi dwell on something impossible for him to achieve right now. “I want you to listen to these every night until you think you no longer need to.”

“O-okay…” Yoongi is sent three audio files to his email, he’ll download them later when he has the guts.

“It’s nothing to be scared about, I promise you’ll find them comforting,” Dr. Byung Soon tells him.

“Yeah, alright,” He isn’t convinced, but he’ll give it a try. “Also, I think it’s time you got a new couch, nuna.” Dr. Byung Soon chuckles fondly.

-

“You got to speak with her for two hours, and you can’t even talk to me for

two minutes?

That’s all I’m asking,” Namjoon pleads.

“I don’t even know what you want me to say!” Yoongi frustratingly exclaims.

“I just want us to talk, again. I need to know you’re okay,” Namjoon expresses sadly. “I miss how we use to talk. We were so close and could tell each other everything, and I know it sounds cheesy, but I feel like a piece of my life isn’t the same. You don’t have to tell me everything, I won’t force you to say anything you don’t want to.”

Yoongi’s shoulders drop and he sighs, eyes softening with the dissipating annoyance. He misses just talking, too.

“Please?” Namjoon begs, and Yoongi doesn’t have the heart to turn him away anymore. Not when he looks so worried sick.

“Nuna and I just made small talk, honestly. It’s been five years, Joon, there’s a lot to catch up on,” Yoongi gives in, not watching for Namjoon’s relieved expression. He takes a seat at his desk and watches as Namjoon sits on his bed. “I feel better.”

He remembers after his sessions during predebut, he’d find himself walking in the park with Namjoon, going over his recent releavations. The atmosphere was also calm and he felt secure with his friend, who wasn’t so much a leader at that time. He was just Namjoon, a younger kid he looked up to. Maybe he wasn’t necessarily a leader back then quite yet, but he always had that innate ability to get people to trust him.

“That’s good,” Namjoon genuinely feels lighter knowing Yoongi isn’t completely closed off from them. “Did she answer all of your questions?”

Yoongi nods, biting his lip. “It’s...weird,” He shifts awkwardly in his chair and brings his legs up to his chest. “I think...I think I need to explore this first - - by myself,” He quickly adds.

“Are you sure?” Namjoon is happy Yoongi wants to try, but he’s a little upset he won’t be able to share in the process. “It would be easier if we’re there to help you. I mean, you don’t even take care of yourself

now,

are you

sure

you want to do this alone?”

Yoongi looks hesitant, because as always, Namjoon is correct, but he needs this. He isn’t sure how much Namjoon truly knows about his...situation, but he’d rather figure things out by himself before letting anyone in.

“I’m too...s-scared to do this in front of a lot of people- or anyone in general, so I just want to know what it’s like first before I let anyone see me. Just see how well I can, um…do stuff I dunno..” It’s hard to explain without sounding mental. What is he supposed to say? That he wants to see how much of a child he’ll become? If this is actually some kink he’s discovering and ruins his relationship with everyone? Is he

really

going to tell Namjoon his thoughts? Of course not, he’ll omit the things no person should hear. Not even his psychiatrist.

“I’m so, so very proud of you for wanting to take this step,” Namjoon smiles proudly at his hyung. “I want to be there for you during it all, but I know that this is also your journey too, so I’ll respect that decision and give you your space. If you need me at any time- me or anyone else- we’ll be here in a snap, alright? I don’t want you to get hurt.”

He smiles a bit, appreciative of Namjoon’s dedication to him even if he doesn’t know exactly what Yoongi is truly going through. Yoongi loves making Namjoon proud, it’s that weird parental-issue he has but won’t admit to. Hearing Namjoon tell him that almost makes him break down crying, but now isn’t the time for that and it won’t solve anything. He’ll just cry in the shower later if he still feels the need to.

“Thank you, Joon. I, um, appreciate you,” Yoongi blushes and pulls his knees closer, hoping Namjoon won’t make him repeat himself because of how quiet it was. “I promise not to get hurt.”

“And you promise you’ll call on us if you need anything?” Namjoon chooses not to comment on the confession, knowing it only makes Yoongi more uncomfortable. “It doesn’t matter how small, it could be turning the lights off for you if that’s all you need, we’ll do it,” Namjoon looks dead serious and it makes Yoongi hold down a gummy smile, because he doesn’t feel like showing too much emotion. Namjoon would think he’s being easy on him, or he might see how emotionally open he is since everything started piling up.

“I promise,” Yoongi tells him. Namjoon seems to want to help by any extent.

“Good,” Namjoon finally looks like all the weight has been lifted from his shoulders, and he smiles at Yoongi. “When we get to finally be your caregivers, it’ll be great. I think our first task would be buying some toys, sippy cups, pacifiers if you think you’d like those, maybe some soft blankets because we don’t really have any, stuffed animals, and some other things Hoseok was going on about…”

Yoongi can’t help the giddy excitement bubble up in his chest at the mention of buying Little things that he actually smiles large and gummy, the first time in too long. Namjoon stops his ramblings and finally understands what being a caregiver is truly about. Watching Yoongi hit the bottom, isolate himself in depression, and cry brokenly is something Namjoon never wants the other to experience again. He wants to make Yoongi smile that cute smile he does way too rarely. The one where his eyes close and he giggles unabashedly. Everyone is in pain when one of theirs is depressed or stressed, and it’s only on occasions when Yoongi’s happiness is genuine. When he smiles hard enough that his eyes wrinkle, tiny teeth and baby pink gums on full display. Sometimes it’s accompanied with a carefree giggle or chuckle, a noise the boys don’t hear often. He’ll laugh silently or short and clipped, an expression of the minute happiness he believes he deserves. Because Yoongi will self loath, self deprecate until there’s nothing left of himself to criticize. Namjoon knows only a glimpse of Yoongi’s childhood, but he knows all he needs to know solely based upon the person Yoongi grew to be. Shy, self conscious, believing that he needs to put up a bad-boy front, sensitive, caring, embarrassed to be complimented, cries when he’s told he’s done well, it’s all so obvious. His parents taught Yoongi to be the light he always needed as a kid, only he doesn’t see how beautiful he’s become. So Namjoon wants to give Yoongi the childhood he never got but truly deserved. He wants to give so much love, that his Little Space memories can overshadow the painful ones that he never should have had. Even if Yoongi doesn’t remember them now, maybe one day he’ll trust himself to not be ashamed and to remember the love and care the other boys will undoubtedly give him.

“Promise?” Yoongi asks, a small voice in his head telling him that they’d never buy him all those things.

“Promise,” Namjoon smiles, making a small part of Yoongi’s heart tingle.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“I want you to listen to these each night,” Dr. Byung Soon instructs. “You can make them into a playlist and listen right before bed. It’ll both help you sleep better and also introduce Little Space safely and easily. That doesn’t sound so scary, does it?”

Yoongi takes the paper and looks to the neatly written words there.

-

First: Safe Little Boy

Second: Little Space Introduction

Third: Little Space Induction

Yoongi cringes at the words ‘Little’ and bites his lip. This is humiliating even if no one is watching. It’s condescending, ‘Safe Little Boy’, and very assuming to say he isn’t already safe. He’s plenty safe, just not comfortable. The second video is an introduction? So, an orientation to get to know what Little Space is? That one isn’t so bad, he could use the extra information. ‘Induction’, however, is fucking terrifying. By broad definition, it is the process or action of bringing about or giving rise to something. In biology, induction is the ability of one cell or tissue to direct the development of neighboring cells or tissues. This means that he’s basically morphing himself into the mindset of a child. Isn’t that forced? Did they

not just

talk about how he shouldn’t feel pressured to go into Little Space? By the time he gets to the third video, what if he can’t come out of it?

It’s time for bed and everyone is already retired for the night, being able to actually sleep better knowing that Yoongi is going to be okay, or at least is

trying

to be okay. And that’s exactly what he’s doing, except now he’s faced with an issue: he’s scared. He’s heard of hypnosis before, how men run around like chickens and women do unthinkable things in front of live audiences. He doesn’t like the idea of someone controlling his mind, making him do things he wouldn’t ordinarily do. In this instance, he needs to force himself to trust the process and that Dr. Byung Soon wouldn’t give him anything that would harm him. He’s doing this not just for himself but for the boys too. He knows how they constantly worry over him, always trying to make him smile. Sometimes he gives in and shows them his ‘sweeter than sugar’ smile, even if he doesn’t understand why they like it so much. Sometimes he gets shy when they compliment it, and he hides his mouth behind his slim fingers.

He looks to his phone and sighs; he’s already stayed up way past Seokjin’s liking. Glancing at the time again, he cringes at the ‘2:34 AM’ splayed a the top right of his phone screen.

“It’ll be okay,” Yoongi whispers to himself, immediately stopping the conversation before it got too weird. He’s not going to talk to himself at three in the morning about hypnotism that’ll mentally turn him into a baby.

He exhales a tense breath and lays his head down onto his pillow. He’s had the video ready two hours ago but he just couldn’t push the button, but now his head is lolling to and fro so maybe the sleep will help him relax into it. Yoongi plugs his phone into its charger and places the earbuds into his ears. These are ones his psychiatrist actually provided for him, the kind that wrap around his ear so he won’t pull them out in his sleep. Putting them in for the first time also makes him realize that they block out almost all outside noises. He’ll be completely immersed.

Calm down

, he forces the thought into action and relaxes his body.

Yoongi pulls the sheets closer to his chin and turns off the bedside lamp, leaving the phone to illuminate his face. He should get a night light in all honesty, something that’ll help him sleep with a clear sense of peace of mind. He doesn’t hate the darkness that much, but a part of him would just feel better knowing there’s always light in the room. Pushing the play button, Yoongi places the phone down on the nightstand and tries to relax to the man’s voice now filling his head.

It’s absolutely the most relaxing, and terrifying, feeling he’s ever experienced. The hypnotist’s voice swirls around his head in circles, easily putting him into a deep trance. He fought long and hard trying to not be put under, but no matter what he tried, his voice was too soothing.

The first audio ‘Safe Little Boy’ brought a drowsiness at first, it made him feel sleepier than predebut days, his limbs heavy and immovable. But he didn’t mind at all, he felt so secure, warm, and safe. His eyelids were glued shut under the tight influence of the trance, and he quickly learned that the less he fought, the better and safer he felt. He feels so warm and comfortable. It’s like he’s sleeping with awareness. He tries to remember the words, tries to keep up with what the man is saying, but he finds himself lost in thought, forgetting entirely what the man had said. Every so often, Yoongi feels scared and pulls back and up out of trance, not enough to fully wake up, but enough to make his breathing pick up and heart beat fast. These are the moments when he falls deeply, and he can feel himself falling deep into that mindless state of hypnosis. It’s like that dark place the mind enters when he falls asleep, and he’d welcome it if there wasn’t a man speaking in his ears. But no matter how often he pulls out, the man’s voice calmly brings him back under. The ten or so minute clip stretches on for hours in this deep state of relaxation, and the longer he listens, the more he falls in love with the relaxed feeling. He doesn’t even realize the audio switching to the second one, and next thing he knows, his entire body is tingly and fuzzy.

He feels giggly and smiley for no reason, and he has the craziest urge to move. He keeps his eyes shut, following that calming voice down the deep spiral that is his current mind. He goes deeper and deeper, not remembering anything the man is telling him. His mind is so blank and sleepy. He fists and unfists his hands, looking for something to grab and cuddle, except there’s nothing to cuddle and he suddenly feels a heavy weight on his chest with the uncontrollable need to cry. It’s that calm voice that helps him settle his tears before they even get going, and he settles for a pillow, hugging it so tight against his face. He just keeps hugging it, squeezing it with all his might, feeling so giggly and happy that his arms found something to hold close and nuzzle into. And finally, the third audio plays, a smooth transition that goes completely unnoticed by Yoongi.

This time his eyes open, he can see what he’s doing, how he’s kicking, swaying, squeezing his pillow, but he can’t seem to care. Every thought leaves as quickly as it comes. He finds himself intensely curious with his fingers and rubs the back of his hands against his sleepy yet widely curious eyes. Then he hears the word ‘poke’ and he’s giggling and curling into himself, hiding his face within the fluffy pillow. There are multiple pokes throughout the audio, and he can’t suppress neither smile nor giggle for the life of him. He finds himself answering to the voice in his head, smiling so happily at the kind man’s games and goofy words. Yoongi suddenly feels lonely and wishes he had something to hug him as tightly as he’s hugging the pillow. He loves how the man in the audio is so nice to him, but he wants someone in real life to make him this floaty and free feeling.. The thought is quickly erased as another ‘poke’ makes him a giggling mess. Around fifteen minutes later, Yoongi is entering dreamland, pillow clutched tightly against his face, sheets a mess from moving so much, hair sticking up, and a calm expression on his face.

Waking up, Yoongi can’t remember much of anything, but he’s never had such a wonderful sleep, even though he went to bed so late. It’s now 8:00 AM and he feels so energized, slightly playful, and relaxed. But it’s also 8:00 AM which means no one was by to wake him up. He hasn’t felt this good in months. It’s like some of his stress just lifted off his shoulders.

The harder he thinks about last night, the more pieces begin to shift into place. He doesn’t remember the bulk of it all, but he does remember being in Little Space. He was

definitely

in Little Space. That fact both scares him and shocks him with how easily he fell under trance. He swore it would take weeks for it to work, but damn it worked fast. Dr. Byung Soon said often times very resistant minds tend to be the easiest to hypnotize. The mind doesn’t play tricks and make you do what you think it should be doing, if the mind is quite resistant and unbelieving then it’s taken unawares and falls easily. It’s all very weird, and yet, he somehow feels good about himself. He takes his time getting ready, stomach growling when he smells breakfast waft into the room.

“There he is!” Hoseok cheers upon Yoongi’s lethargic entrance into the kitchen. He brushed his teeth and washed his face, at least, but left his Shooky pajamas and messy hair the way it is. He’s too hungry to hold off any longer.

“G’morning,” Yoongi mumbles, feeling vulnerable under all their gazes.

“Yoongi-ssi, c’mere and make a plate,” Seokjin calls from the stove.

Yoongi walks passed Hoseok seated at the table with the 95-line, and walks into the kitchen where Jungkook is getting his second helping already.

“Namjoon-ssi and I made eggs, hotteok, and breakfast sausages,” Seokjin gestures toward each food item.

“Thank you,” Yoongi grabs a plate and let’s Seokjin put the food on. “How come no one woke me up earlier?”

“Huh?” Seokjin dumps a spoonful of eggs onto Yoongi’s plate. “Oh, we tried but you wouldn’t wake up and your door was locked. What’d I say about that?”

“Oh, sorry,” Yoongi blushes and wonders what they would’ve done if they woke him looking like the way he did. He’s suddenly grateful the door was locked.

Locked doors isn’t really a big problem, but Yoongi fell in his room once and injured his ear. He never really talked publicly about it, but he cried pretty hard. It was like having someone drill into the side of his head, it hurt so bad. He didn’t realize how hard he was crying until he heard the pounding on his door. He had to force himself to get up and answer it, and when the boys were greeted with a wailing and bloody Yoongi, they made the rule not to lock doors at night or if they planned on working out. If they have private matters, then they can of course lock the doors, but they still worry over Yoongi or anyone else hurting themselves. Jungkook likes to workout in his room sometimes, and other times he enjoys practicing cool moves that can at times get dangerous. And then when Yoongi fell out of his chair in his studio, he was stubborn and didn’t tell the boys how hurt he actually was. The chair arm had been slammed between his hip and the wooden floor upon impact. He had a bruise for a month and a half. It hurt to just walk. He played it off and let Namjoon tease him on Twitter.

“How was last night?” Namjoon asks from the sink, hands deep in the sudsy water. They must’ve eaten already.

Yoongi blushes, forgetting that his Headspace is an open topic now. He can hear the boys at the table quiet down, listening in to what he’s about to say. He blushes harder and sets the plate down on the island counter.

“It was...it was, um…” Yoongi shifts his feet uncomfortably, and just forces himself to answer. If Namjoon can be casual about it, then he can be too, “I don’t really remember?” He asks more than informs.

“Oh,” Namjoon is surprised by the answer, but he’s happy Yoongi answered. “Is there anything that you

do

remember?”

That he cuddled his pillow?

“N-Not really…” Yoongi looks to his plate and wishes the hotteok had blueberries in them, maybe a smiley face like the burger, too. “It was relaxing, though.”

“Namjoon-ssi, stop interrogating him. Let him eat,” Seokjin scolds the leader. “Go on,” He tells Yoongi, who doesn’t argue and walks to the table with his full plate.

“When you’re finished, I have a surprise,” Jungkook smiles, and Hoseok and Taehyung giggle like they know the surprise.

Yoongi eyes them suspiciously and takes his seat. “For me?”

“It’s nothing bad, I swear,” Jungkook reassures.

Yoongi nods and eats his food, and swings his feet with joy from the wonderful taste. The swinging motion makes him bounce a little in his seat, but none of the boys want to ruin the moment by saying anything, no matter how adorable it is. Yoongi may not remember, but it seems that the hypnosis is still tapped into his subconscious. Maybe with more time, Yoongi might actually be comfortable regressing in front of them, perhaps knowingly, as well.

Seokjin walks over and places a glass of orange juice in front of Yoongi, who takes the cup with a shy, but polite, ‘thank you’. He almost spills the juice over his face, and realizes it’s because he’s been bouncing and stills himself, wondering if any one saw.

After breakfast, Jungkook leads Yoongi to the living room where Jimin and Taehyung are discussing what they want to do today. So far it’s shopping and finding cool places to take pictures. Hoseok follows the two boys and beckons Namjoon and Seokjin to follow suit.

“It isn’t even my birthday...This isn’t gonna be weird, is it?” Looking around at everyone now paying attention, Yoongi needs to ask to prepare himself.

“I think that’s a personal question,” Jungkook answers.

“Don’t be smart,” Yoongi whines. “You know what I mean.”

“Just close your eyes and hold out your arms,” Jungkook instructs.

The maknae crawls onto the couch and retrieves a box from behind. It’s wrapped cutely in blue with a bow on top and small enough to carry with ease. He places the box in both of Yoongi’s awaiting hands, who makes a surprised ‘ooh!’ at the sudden touch of the box.

“Okay, open,” Jungkook says.

“It’s wrapped,” Yoongi states when he opens his eyes.

“Haha yeah,” Jungkook giggles. Yoongi wanted to ask why he closed his eyes in the first place but stops in case the maknae’s smile goes away.

“This is…

again

, it isn’t even my birthday, Kook,” Yoongi splutters. “This is too festive to be for nothing.”

“I know, but I think you really would like this, and I couldn’t have waited until your birthday,” Jungkook explains. “It’s definitely something that’ll benefit you now.”

“Stop asking so many questions, Yoongi hyung,” Jimin laughs. “Open it up.”

“Does everyone already know what it is?” Yoongi asks, taking a seat on the couch with the gift in his lap.

“I don’t,” Seokjin replies.

“Me neither,” Namjoon didn’t even know the youngest was getting Yoongi a gift.

“I think we all knew, right?” Jimin asks the youngers, who all nod.

Yoongi slides the bow off with ease but struggles to find something for his nail to latch onto and tear the pretty blue wrapping. Soon the paper is off and what’s left is a plain black box making Yoongi somewhat nervous. What if he doesn’t like it and Jungkook makes him wear it or use it? And for

what

occasion is he getting a gift!?

“C’mon, open it,” Jungkook encourages.

Yoongi holds his breath and opens the box lid. It’s brown, whatever it is, and upon first glance it looks really soft. When he grabs it, he’s correct about his observation and is happy to find that it’s more than just soft. It’s silky smooth and feels like a cloud. He pulls it up and out of the box, letting the cardboard fall to the floor when he sees the gift fully. It’s a bear
. A dark brown bear with a red bow tie. A cute large and wide nose, deep dark eyes, oversized feet, and it’s so

soft!

Yoongi has no idea that his expression changed from hesitation to pure innocence in less than a second. The boys can obviously see he loves it, it’s written all over his pouty lips, round eyes, and slight blush that feathers his cheeks.

“Thank you, Kook,” Yoongi wants to stay cool about this, not let them know how absolutely thrilled he is. “I really appreciate it.”

“It’s no problem,” Jungkook smiles wide, loving how adorable his ‘aloof’ hyung is. “I hated seeing you upset about the other one…” Jungkook says shyly, looking at the floor. “Tae helped me pick it out. We made sure it was perfect.”

Now it’s Yoongi’s turn to look away, embarrassed by the sentiment. The boys can see the demeanor shift, how Yoongi subconsciously holds the bear tighter and twiddles the fur with his other hand. He seems restless like he wants to move but is holding himself back.

“You don’t think stuffed animals are triggers…?” Taehyung whispers to Namjoon, yet the group still heard it. Yoongi’s lost in his world, or at least seems to be fighting against it. Either way, he’s close to slipping and they still haven’t really experienced it like they would have liked. Now seems like a opportune moment to test the waters.

“The fur is super soft, huh,” Jimin smiles, peering under Yoongi’s head to catch his eyes. The older simply nods, biting his lower lip.

“It’s all yours, too, so you don’t have to share with anyone,” Taehyung points out.

“Are you gonna name it?” Hoseok asks.

That’s a good idea, except Yoongi won’t let them know that. Yoongi looks up finally and feels a tightness in his chest. He wants to so badly go into Little Space, but he remembers pieces of last night and how completely

gone

his mind was. It’s scary and he definitely trusts these boys with almost everything -

almost

everything. This is scary new territory and he isn’t sure how deep these waters go.

“I dunno,” Yoongi shrugs. He wants to call it Bear again, but the thought makes him guilty. As if his other bear, stored deep in the back of his closet, would be upset.

“Well, I’m glad you like it,” Jungkook nudges Yoongi’s shoulder and smiles all teeth when Yoongi expels an unexpected gasp at the small touch. Yoongi isn’t really into skinship, so maybe Little Yoongi would be the same way.

And Yoongi can sort of sense that they are all suddenly babying him, and he should be annoyed or mad about it, but he feels like he’d have to force those feelings. He wants to be mad at them, but he also doesn’t want it to stop. Would they make fun of him? He knows they’ve said it a million times that they wouldn’t, but they haven’t actually seen him in Little Space, and that’s a whole different encounter. He’s only been under hypnosis once, but since waking up he’s felt so much lighter. He also felt a little wobbly waking up, like his eyes were having a hard time adjusting and his limbs were a bit numb and weak. He feels the urge to be...small. He wanted his juice with a straw, or better yet, in a sippy cup. That way he wouldn’t have almost spilled it on himself, and besides, Taehyung and Jungkook got to share one on set and during concerts. He knows it’s because of the makeup, but he can’t help but feel jealous. And this morning, he wanted to make a big scene so Seokjin would stop telling him to eat all his food.

“D’you wanna watch cartoons with me?” Taehyung asks excitedly.

Yoongi nods eagerly before he abruptly stops himself, looking down once again. He wants them to stop because it’s making his chest hurt and cheeks burn with embarrassment. But the Little part of him is so strong today, and he’s finding that with each coo they give him, the further he falls and the feeling of a smile itches at his lips. He doesn’t want to go into Little Space in front of anyone, it’s embarrassing and he’s too vulnerable like that.

Taehyung takes Yoongi’s hand, it’s a bit clammy from his anxiety but the younger doesn’t say anything and tightens the hold. The boys follow the cute scene in front of them and gather at the couches. Namjoon and Seokjin go back to the kitchen to clean, and Hoseok offers to wipe the table.

“Wipe it correctly this time!” Jimin yells to Hoseok. “Go to one side.”

“

Aish

, leave me alone,” Hoseok grumbles with an annoyed tone, but there’s nothing but smiles underlying his voice.

“Should we play some cartoons?” Taehyung asks Jungkook, who shrugs and looks at Jimin.

“I don’t know, ask Yoongi hyung,” Jimin says.

They all look at Yoongi who shrinks in on himself. Are they seriously going to expect him to tell them what cartoon he wants to watch? That’s the basis of humility. So he shrugs and looks at the bear he plopped onto his lap.

It’s cute

. He can’t stop thinking that. Its eyes are so filled with joy and playtime.

“How about this?” Jimin changes the channel to a local kids educational network and sees that

Sagwa

is on. It’s about a Chinese Siamese cat and her family. It’s perfect.

“Is this okay?” Taehyung asks Yoongi, except the older doesn’t respond. Too absorbed in the cartoon already.

Yoongi doesn’t watch TV in general, the only time being on long flights and he’ll force himself to watch a movie or two then rest of the way, so he’s never seen this. It’s intriguing, and he likes cats. Not as much as he loves Holly, but he can still appreciate them.

“Fu-Fu?” Yoongi says the name of one of the characters that appeared on screen. A small blue bat with...goggles? It’s silly and makes him smile a tiny bit, but he holds the giggle down.

Jimin wants to coo and squish Yoongi’s cheeks. He’ll have to get him to say that name again because it makes Yoongi’s lips pout to their fullest potential.

It’s only ten minutes in and Yoongi feels another wave of haze wash over his mind, feeling comfortable sitting in silence watching the show. No one has to talk, and he doesn’t feel the attention on him anymore so he settles fully onto the couch, slightly leaning on Taehyung’s firm shoulder. He’s the shortest of the group - he doesn’t even know how that happened. Jimin suddenly grew to Hoseok’s height and now his parents always ask him why he’s shrinking. But sitting between Jungkook and Taehyung makes him feel especially small, and he’s sitting all the way back against the cushions so his feet aren’t even close to touching the floor. He should be prideful and scoot up so he can at least feel the floor, but something within him gives him a fuzzy warm feeling. He feels small between the two, but most importantly he feels safe and secure with the bigger bodies beside him.

Taehyung feels Yoongi lean fully onto his shoulder, eyes glued to the TV. He can see his legs move the tiniest bit and can only imagine how his toes must be restlessly brushing against one another. His fingers are also mindlessly playing with the bear, brushing and squeezing the softness. Taehyung doesn’t catch what causes it, but Yoongi giggles and pulls the bear into a tight hug against his stomach. He goes lax again and continues to watch the TV as if entranced by it. Taehyung glances at Jungkook and Jimin, who sits on the other side of the maknae, and they all smile at each other.

Namjoon, Seokjin, and Hoseok finally rejoin the group and stop at the doorway to take in the adorable sight. The boys all lined up on the couch watching a cartoon, and Yoongi giggling with the new bear clutched close to his body. It strangely enough feels like a victory on their part.

See, when Yoongi wasn’t awake yet, the boys were talking at breakfast about triggering Yoongi into Little Space using gentler methods. This way he can get comfortable around them and finally see that they want nothing but the best for him. He doesn’t have to be afraid of them judging him or making fun of him, and they want to show that by acting normal around him whenever he’s in Little Space.

“He’s such a cute little boy,” Namjoon coos too loudly, getting shushed by Seokjin. But it’s too late.

Yoongi quickly snaps out of the headspace and tries to settle the dizziness. He blushes from embarrassment and ducks his head.

“Ew, that’s...That’s gross, Joon. Don’t….don’t do that….” Yoongi coughs and stops touching the bear, just leaving it where it lays in his lap.

He’s absolutely humiliated and blushes hard, looking away because even though he loves the sentiment and how it felt hearing it, it’s so mortifying for any of his band mates to call him stuff like that.

“But aren’t you a baby boy?” Hoseok senses he’s slipping out of the headspace and tries to bring him back.

“No…You can’t- you can’t say stuff like that,” Yoongi blushes more, wanting to fall into it but afraid of what he’ll turn into in front of the boys.

He didn’t know he’d like that simple pet name so much, but he does and it hurts that he can’t trust himself to be vulnerable. It’s unbearable how close he is to slipping but just can’t. He won’t allow it, even if his chest hurts with boiling anxiety. He shouldn’t be anxious though, because they won’t hurt him. They’ve been so nice the entire time, sentiments and pet names included, it’s

Yoongi

who can’t accept it. He’s trying to, he really wants to accept it, but maybe he subconsciously doesn’t want to.

“But weren’t we having fun?” Taehyung asks cutely, however it’s also that patronizing way everyone talks to babies and animals that just makes him ache more. He hates it, but he craves to hear it more so badly.

“It’s okay, sweetie, you can be as little as you want,” Seokjin coos.

“Stop…” Yoongi mumbles, he can’t look any of them in the eye. If

this

is how they would treat him when he has half a mind, it’s kind of scary to think about. What would this even look like to someone who didn’t know them or what they were going on about? They could look like freaks.

“Didn’t it feel nice to be a giggle baby?” Jungkook pokes his stomach and the older moves away, which only makes him push into Taehyung.

“Seriously stop…” Yoongi says a bit louder this time. “I’m your hyung, you can’t talk to me that way…”

Taehyung brushes Yoongi’s hair out of his face and plants a kiss on his head. “Okay, we’ll stop, hyung.”

He instantly misses the attention. The boys all nod and know not to push Yoongi, because last time it resulted in a breakdown none of them will forget. But Yoongi sort of wanted them to push him, he just doesn’t know how to tell them what he needs. There wasn’t any conviction in his voice, how could they have taken him seriously? Or maybe it’s a test to see how badly he wants it. Well in that case, he’ll refuse to play that game and force himself to be Big all day. No slipping. Not even a little thought is allowed. Yet, he really,

really

misses the caring attention. But he’s too prideful to let them baby him so easily.

-

Namjoon visits before bedtime, knocking quietly against the wooden door. Yoongi opens it and lets the younger in. He feels a little uneasy about the bear laying against his pillows and wishes he hid it under the sheets.

“I’m proud of you for letting yourself get comfortable around us, even if I ruined it,” Namjoon smiles and pats Yoongi's shoulder.

“T-Thanks…” It’s still weird to talk about, but he really appreciates the normalcy the boys keep the conversations at. It’s like they really don’t mind if he’s a Little. “But you didn’t ruin it...um, it just caught me off guard is all.”

“Still,” Namjoon walks around the bed and fixes a wrinkle in the sheets, smiling at the bear. “I should’ve known better, especially if this is so new to you- to everyone, really. I just couldn’t help myself. We all thought you were being really cute.”

“Joon,” It’s a warning, Namjoon knows that, but the authority behind it isn’t so strict with the blush over Yoongi’s cheeks and nose.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop. I just wanted to tell you that you did really well today, so I’ll let you sleep,” Namjoon walks by and gives Yoongi a soft squeeze on the shoulder before walking out of the room and closing the door behind him.

Yoongi pouts a little, upset he wasn’t even offered a hug so he could deny it. Or maybe he wouldn’t have this time, who knows. He crawls into bed and covers himself in his cold blankets. They’ll warm up soon, and the audio somehow always makes him feel super warm too. Dr. Byung Soon said every night, she didn’t say for how long but maybe that’s for Yoongi to decide. He pushes the earbuds into his ears and lays down, loving the way the soft bear feels wrapped in his arms. He rests his chin over its head and listens the audio begin to swirl into his mind.

He’s so happy he has his little bear to keep him company. It’s also just for him, that’s what Taehyung said. And Jungkook took the time to buy it just so he can cuddle it. The bear deserves a name. It’d be rude not to give him one. He stares at the bear with wide glossy eyes, and smiles at its cute, lively expression. A giggle tumbles from his lips and he squeezes the bear close to his face. It smells like Jungkook and he wonders how long he’s had it, or maybe he put a little perfume on it just for Yoongi. It’s so familiar smelling and instantly makes him feel safer.

He brushes the surrounding fur away from the bear’s eyes and smiles fondly. He’s never been given something that’s

just for him

. His parents would often let him have the possessions that were once his older brothers, and that could easily include: clothing, toys, shoes, school books, and even his old baby things were hand-me-downs. His parents were often annoyed that he could barely fit in anything because he’s always been quite skinny. He started eating more and gained a bit of weight, except then his parents would joke and say how round his face has gotten, like a little dumpling. He finds that they appreciate his lighter weight more, only his height is the issue, but he can’t really fix that. And quite frankly he likes being small, always has, and he’s finally starting to be more comfortable with his height and weight.

Another poke makes him forget his previous thoughts as light bought of giggling makes him squeeze the bear against his chest with all his might. The tighter he squeezes, the more relaxed he feels afterwards and he melts deeply, comfortably within the warm arms of his Little Space. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to let the others take care of him. He definitely feels bored laying here fiddling with the bear, not that he doesn’t love it, it’s his new favo-

There’s a tightness in his chest, a stinging in his eyes. He can’t believe he got over Bear so easily. Not too long ago he was on the verge of destroying his room with how distraught he was about what Seokjin did - not that he meant it. Bear was always there for him, always provided him comfort, and something he would actively seek out during sessions to calm him down. And here is now, steps away from the closet where he’s hidden the plastic bag away from his hurting heart. Maybe not as hurting as he thought...But the guilt that swarms his mind is almost too much to handle. He feels wrong for having the brand new bear in his arms and pushes it away off the ledge, hearing it thud against the wooden floor, one of its marble eyes clanking harshly in the quiet room.

He rolls over and curls in on himself, taking the earbuds out, remembering that they’re there. It also looks like the audio stopped who knows how long ago...That means he was aware he was in Little Space for probably an hour, maybe longer. That’s honestly not something he wants. He doesn’t want to remember any of this.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

It’s now the end of week one, and Yoongi is finally on the road to accepting his Little Headspace. He only had a hard time regressing once, but he believes it was because maybe he was in a bad mood. He was frustrated that he couldn’t slip, which is odd considering how resistant he was at the beginning of the audio sessions each night. After that one night of sleeping without the bear he has now dubbed as ‘Brownies’, he couldn’t be without it. He still feels immense guilt each time he holds Brownies close, but Bear should understand that he doesn’t mean any harm by it. One day, when he’s strong enough, he’ll bury him in the garden, but for now he’ll have to comfortable with residing in the closet corner.
The boys have been curious about his progress day in and day out, but Yoongi doesn’t really know what to tell them nor does he hold the conversation for long. Should he say that he lays there and giggles at the bear? That sounds like an opening scene to a potentially good horror film that gets ruined by bad acting and reused plot dynamic. This is why he doesn’t watch television, he’s too analytical. Still, he can’t tell them the details. It’s strange to think about.
“What else do we need?” Seokjin asks Jimin, who’s going through the pantry.
“Hmm…,” Jimin moves a bag of chips and peers toward the back of the shelf before closing the pantry. He opens the fridge and rests his weight on his hip. “Maybe more milk? We only have one and a half cartons left. And some...hmm...We could use more instant noodles.”
“Is that it?” Seokjin doesn’t believe they only need a little bit of groceries. Each trip is like this huge event since they only go once a week, and all the boys go to the store in case the other doesn’t grab their preferences.
“Well what do we have already?” Jimin bounces in his step and glances at the list.
“Why do you always ask that? You looked five times already,” Seokjin whines. Jimin hmphs and picks up the list.
“Peanut butter, Nutella, bananas, apples, blueberries, noodles, milk, eggs…” Jimin continues to mutter the list under his breath and glances back up to Seokjin when he’s done. “I dunno. We’ll probably remember when we get there.”
“That’s what we always do, and then we end up getting duplicates of what we already have,” Seokjin takes the pen back to the paper, thinking of what else they need. “This is more cost effective.”
“Well, then can we get more of those smiley face french fries? I think Yoongi hyung liked them,” Jimin asks.
“Yeah, good idea,” Seokjin praises. “Y’know, maybe we should put down some things Little Yoongi might enjoy?”
“Yeah!” Jimin smiles widely and thinks of what children eat these days. “So...we have fruit…”
“And we’re back to where we started,” Seokjin groans in frustration.
“What’s wrong?” Hoseok asks upon entering the kitchen.
“We might’ve finished our grocery list but now we don’t know what Little Yoongi might like,” Jimin explains.
“Ooh fruit snacks!” Hoseok pipes in.
“Hoseok-ah, he should have real fruit, not that corn syrup, over processed, man made-”
“Ok, I get it,” Hoseok stops Seokjin’s health ramble. “I ate a lot of Kimbap as a kid, some Dak Juk here and there too. Tteokbokki is fun because they’re big, Hotteok, cotton candy- unless that’s too much sugar, umm...maybe those fish cakes Bungeo-ppang? All are kinda fun or could be made fun.”
“I guess we know who the fun uncle is,” Jimin grumbles.
“Don’t be jealous, those are all just guesses. You can be the uncle who spoils him,” Hoseok pats Jimin’s back and watches Seokjin scribble down the new list.
“Well those are mainly dishes, not necessarily snacks but I guess we can figure that out when he actually wants to start telling us stuff,” Seokjin says, putting the pen down and folding the list into his coat pocket.
“Do you think he doesn’t trust us?” Jimin asks insecurely.
It’s been hard for the six boys, trying to be supportive from the sidelines while Yoongi tries to find acceptance. It’s difficult to watch him fight against slipping and escape back to his room. They want to help him, and they’ve been subtly trying to get him to trust them, but he seems so clueless. They try to get him comfortable being Little by not making fun of it or saying anything that could be taken the wrong way. It’s a sensitive topic right now and they don’t want to risk losing the chance to see Little Yoongi completely. They play cartoons more often, help him with things that a child would normally need help with, like insisting to tie his shoes, fix his hair, or cut up his meat for him. He doesn’t fight them if they’re persistent, and oftentimes he gets this entire demeanor shift that tells the boys he could slip at any moment. But he just doesn’t. Yoongi holds back and refuses them each and every time. It’s frustrating and unnecessary at this point. Who is he hiding from? They promised not to make fun or judge him.
The drive to the market is always a pretty long ride, and with how the week has been going, they honestly needed this short trip. The city market is fine, but the one further out has cheaper prices and the boys love a good deal and bargain. Hoseok is driving while Namjoon sits in the passenger seat, Jimin sits behind Namjoon, Seokjin behind Hoseok, and the three other boys in the very back.
It’s beginning to sprinkle just enough to bring a chilly breeze and a clean air filter to the already pleasant afternoon. Their break has been wonderful thus far, and even though they’ve stumbled upon some hiccups in the road, the tension isn’t suffocating like it was and the issues are laid out in the open. It’s how they solved their problems in the past, and it’s how they continue to be the closest group they know of.
Hoseok parks close to the entrance and the boys file out one by one. Yoongi eyes a group of boys who seem to be loitering outside the market. They’re dressed in ripped jeans and oversized hoodies, old scuffed shoes, some with skateboards, some with hats, one with long hair tied into a ponytail, and one abnormally tall one. And they all have tattoos it seems like, messy ink covering their necks and hands peeking from the hoodies. Yoongi subconsciously walks closer to Jungkook, who isn’t paying attention to what the older sees.
“Whatchu lookin’ at shorty?” The man in the ponytail sneers in Yoongi’s direction.
He quickly turns away, not even realizing he was even staring, and tries to ignore the rude comments. He must’ve starred off blankly in their direction, how unfortunate. His stomach does a flip, and he anxiously adjusts his beanie further down his forehead.
“What was that about?” Namjoon asks the group while he grabs a cart.
“Wipe it down,” Seokjin comments, handing Namjoon the disinfectant wipes at the entrance.
“Who were they even talking to?” Taehyung asks.
Namjoon looks at the group as he wipes the cart to appease Seokjin. Everyone shrugs, even Yoongi, who looks down and glances a tiny bit outside to see the mean men still looking in their direction.
“Let’s just get what we need and go home,” Namjoon decides, herding the boys through the second set of automatic doors. He looks out the window to see them, laughing and pushing each other around. “It’ll be easier if we split up and get what we need,” Namjoon says tiredly, probably from staying up late filming a Vlive with Army. “Jin can I have the list, please.”
Seokjin unpockets the single folded paper and hands it to Namjoon. He smiles at the bottom portion lined off and labeled ‘Yoongi’s Yummies’ - he and Seokjin can tackle that last. He tears it into threes and decides the groups, handing it to the boys.
Namjoon and Seokjin - ‘Yoongi’s Yummies’.Taehyung and Yoongi - the fruits, vegetables, and dairy portion.Jimin, Jungkook, and Hoseok - the snacks and dry foods portion.
“It’ll be easier to get your own carts so you won’t have to keep coming back to this one,” Namjoon says. “And don’t go overboard, try to at least stick to the list.” He mainly looks at the youngers. A rise of affirmatives fill the aisle and they split up to fulfill their missions.
It’s always cold in here and Yoongi dislikes that. It makes his legs cold and tingly while the rest of him is awkwardly warm beneath his large Mastermind coat. He tugs his black coat further onto his chest and follows behind Taehyung, hands deep in their pockets.
When Yoongi and Taehyung get a new cart, Yoongi is relieved when he sees the group of men are gone. He sighs with relief and let’s Taehyung guide them with the cart into the produce section. They decide that Yoongi will gather the fruit and Taehyung will get the vegetables.He doesn’t feel like doing this. It’s irritating and brings him out of his personal schedule. Last night was both terrible and concerning. It’s mortifying to think about, but he peed a little in his sleep. He caught it before it soaking the bed and caused a major problem, but he still had to change his underwear, cursing the entire time and feeling like shit. He doesn’t know how young he gets in his sleep, but when he was three in real life, he wasn’t peeing himself in bed. His parents wouldn’t have allowed that. And he certainly won’t be wearing a diaper any time soon. That’s a hard limit and he’ll force himself out of regression if he ever feels like he’ll pee himself, last night was...abnormal. He’s been feeling down lately, so maybe that’s the cause of his accident. It isn’t like he’s sad that for the first time in his life he legitimately has everything he wants, he’s just sad. It’s like nothing he has makes him happy or feel anything really. He can buy anything he wanted and that still doesn’t phase him. Instead he wants to lay in his bed all day and not think about anything. He’s glad and appreciative and all that, truly. So what makes this all so frustrating is that he has no idea why he feels like this. And the more he thinks about it, the more confused and dizzy his mind gets.
He doesn’t realize how distraught he is until a wetness leaks into his hand. He shakes his gaze back into focus and sees he’s broken the skin of the sunset looking peach, the juice oozing over his thumb and into his palm.
“Oh!” Taehyung notices the mess as he puts his vegetables into the cart. “That must’ve been an overly ripe one. You don’t need to squeeze them so hard, though. Just squeeze lightly and briefly and you can tell if it’s good. Even by looking at them you can kinda tell if it’s gonna be good. See, like this.” Taehyung gently squeezes a peach and smiles, placing it in Yoongi’s clear plastic bag.
“Oh...S-should I put this in the bag or...?” Yoongi isn’t sure if it’s criminal to put back a ruined peach that, was in fact, not ‘overly ripe’.
“Nah, just leave it to the side. I got all the vegetables, so I’m going to the dairy section, meet you there?” Taehyung pushes the cart a bit and Yoongi nods, squeezing delicately on the peaches this time. “Alright. So make sure you get the bananas and apples too.”
His hand is sticky now. His legs are cold, his upper body awkwardly warm, and now his right hand is sticky sweet. Yoongi nods and turns back to the peaches. His head is becoming a little scratchy under the beanie. Hopefully they won’t be here long.
He lifts the brim of the beanie a tad to scratch his scalp before pulling it back down, adjusting his fringe. After he finishes getting the fruits, he turns into an aisle as a means to make the trip short to the dairy section when he bumps into someone’s broad chest. It felt like they were also walking in his direction because the collision was rough.
“Oh! Sor-” Yoongi looks up to apologize but chokes up when he sees who it is. He mumbles his apology and moves to hurry around them but gets stopped by an arm across his chest.
His groceries are pushed out of his hands, and his carefully chosen fruit bruise when they smack against the white tile floor.
“What the hell!” Yoongi exclaims, reaching for the apples that have scattered over the floor.
The man with the ponytail jabs his finger harshly into his shoulder, pushing him back into another man behind him. “Short, twink-ass bitch,” Ponytail man growls.“You think you betta than us?”
“What?” Yoongi doesn’t even recall doing anything that would make them so mad. They seem like thugs, though, even if they aren’t on the bad side of town. There’s trouble in all types social economic crowds.
“Just leave me the fuck alone,” Yoongi growls back. They should know who they’re dealing with.
The abnormally tall man yanks Yoongi’s beanie off, his hair becoming tousled and messy. Yoongi flinches at the tearing sound of his favorite beanie as the man rips his Chanel pin off. He throws the beanie to the floor amongst the fruit and inspects the pin. Yoongi looks to the side and wonders where the boys are in the store and if he could call for them. Yoongi brushes his hair out of his face before he’s violently shoved again and finds the Chanel pin in front of his face.
“This even rea-? Oh shit …” Ponytail man stops and looks at Yoongi’s face. “Ah shit! You’re that ‘hardcore’, ‘badass’ rapper idol who went to the Billboard n’ shit. You was saying you gonna go to the Grammy’s. Boys,” He looks around him to the group surrounding Yoongi. “I bet he’s got a lot more than this lousy pin. I bet he’s got Grammy money.”
Yoongi doesn’t even know what the fuck ‘Grammy money’ even means, but with the look in the man’s eyes, he can tell something bad is about to happen. He hates all types of confrontation, but being surrounded by six muscular guys, walking closer to him with dark expression has to be the pinnacle of all things he hates the most. The feeling of evil is so palpable, so dark and cloudy that it envelops his body and makes his stomach hurt. It radiates off of them in a horrible stench of cheap beer and stale cigarettes. His heart beat is nearly choking him with how hard it’s pounding in his throat.
Yoongi gets shoved by two large hands and lands onto the stiff body of the man behind him. They all begin to shove him in a circle, and he swears at some point someone pricked him with the Chanel pin in his shoulder.
“Stop it!” Yoongi’s furious voice makes the shoving hault, their expressions full of smirks and mockery. “Do you have any idea who you’re messing with? You’re reputations will be ruined, and the whole world will know how you guys are a bunch of low life pigs. And I’m not the only one you should be afraid of. Ever heard of our fans? So, get the fuck away from me before I call the cops and get you locked away forever.” It’s a stretch, but he has a lot of power now, and he shouldn’t let things like this happen to him anymore. He’s an idol. A very trouble stricken, afraid, anxious, and on the verge of crying idol.
The boys start to shove him again, growling and spitting curses. Yoongi has half the mind to actually call the cops, but he’s too stubborn and feels the need to handle this on his own. He balls his right fist and despises what he’s about to do.
“ Boys ,” It’s single, and final, command from Ponytail man and the group backs off instantly. “He ain’t worth it.” He spits on the tile, barely missing Yoongi’s boot.
They disperse and walk toward the entrance, but their leader lingers behind and closes in on Yoongi.“You ain’t shit, y’know that? You look down on all of us from you high and mighty pedestal,
but one day you’re gonna fall, and ain’t nobody gonna be there to catch you,” His breath reeks of alcohol and nicotine, but Yoongi has too much pride to back away. “The next time you look at us like we’re a bunch’a animals, I won’t tell my boys to go easy on you, don’t matter who you think you are. Not that it’d be much of a fight,” Ponytail man gives Yoongi’s shoulder a hard squeeze and chuckles, but the rapper refuses to show pain. The man takes his hand back and turns to walk away. “Enjoy life from the throne.”
Yoongi doesn’t know why that hurt so much. He shouldn’t feel guilty for gaining so much success; he’s earned everything he has. It wasn’t easy- it still isn’t easy, and he’s just getting older. They've continuously had their struggles and almost disbanded. This isn’t easy and it’s starting to convince him that he’ll never have a time in his life where he won’t have to work so hard to be happy. He can’t do anything a normal guy in his twenties would do because he’s under a microscope to be dissected and judged in front of the whole world. He stops his thoughts, pleading with them to let him be for just one day. He can’t spiral right now, not in an aisle by himself next to a mess of spilled fruits.
He’s shaking, both from the scary situation that just transpired, and because he risked using his smart mouth. They could’ve hurt him way more than a few rough pushes, so he should be grateful.
He picks up the spilled apples and peaches, feeling more and more on the edge of a breakdown with each bruised fruit he grabs. He huffs out a shaken breath when he picks up the bananas, clearly bruised and mashed on the inside. He walks further into the store to look for Taehyung, instead finding Seokjin who’s next to his cart.
“Yoongi-ah, why aren’t you with Tae?” Namjoon asks, surprised to see Yoongi so soon. The older boy only shrugs and keeps his eyes downcast.
Yoongi doesn’t pay attention to what’s in their cart, stuck in his own mind, and puts his contribution into the cart.
“Jeez,” Seokjin gasps. “We can’t buy those, they’re all bad ones.” Seokjin points to the bag of bruised peaches, some split and spilling juices. Yoongi recalls one of the men stepping on the bag and he cringes at the memory.
“Not just the peaches, look at them,” Namjoon lifts the bag and inspects the damage. “Why did you get all the bad ones?” Before Yoongi can respond something false, Taehyung calls out to him.
“There you are!” Taehyung wheels the cart over with a smile. “I thought you were still picking fruits so I went back but you were- woah, what happened to those?” Taehyung's eyebrows shoot past his fringe in surprise. “I thought I showed you how to be gentle.”
First the mean group, and now his own group is scolding him. He already feels tense and anxious from the almost-fight, but this is only making him worse, more beat down and angry at himself. They’re suppose to be nicer than those men, but it’s his fault for letting those boys walk all over him and still bringing back the ruined fruit.
“But, I can’t put them back, they’re destroyed,” Yoongi says, trying to fight off whatever he’s feeling overwhelmed by. His mind is moving too fast, he can’t decipher what he’s experiencing. “I’ll buy them myself.”
“You don’t need to,” Seokjin says. “They’re bad in the first place, so just put them back and get better ones”
“Also, what happened to your beanie? You’re hair is a mess, hyung,” Taehyung wonders. He brushes some strands down and smoothes the mess away, but Yoongi swats at his hand. He couldn’t care less with the way his hair looks right now.
“Can you guys stop with the third degree? It’s not even a big deal,” Yoongi snaps. He has no idea where this anger suddenly came from but he’s trembling from it. “I’ll take them back.”
He snatches the bag out of Namjoon’s hand and grabs the others from the cart before walking back to the produce section. The boys are a bit stunned, not sure what happened.
“What happened between you two?” Namjoon asks Taehyung.
“Nothing,” Taehyung says just as confused. “I told him to meet me in dairy when he finished getting his stuff.”
Yoongi regrets the way he treated them, they really don’t deserve that and he’s only taking out his frustrations on them. On top of that, he feels terrible for ruining the store’s produce. It’s criminal, isn’t it? He’s just messing up everything today. He sniffles, picking another peach only to put it back down again. What if they still aren’t right? They might not be sweet and everyone will know that he’s the one who picked them. A tear trails down Yoongi’s cheek but he has no intention of crying in the fruit section of their market, so he angrily wipes the tear away and breathes deeply, willing the other tears to settle down. He will not have an anxiety attack in public where people can easily snap pictures and post them online, inadvertently making BigHit explain. Although, the store is quite empty. They always choose to go during the weekday when most people are at work in the morning. He shudders at the thought still, BigHit has no idea about his Headspace or of any other conflict the boys have been dealing with lately, and he wants to keep it that way. Who knows what they’ll do if they found out. This is why he doesn’t want the boys involved, it won’t end well for any of them, no matter how trapped he feels.
Everyone is ready to check out by the time Yoongi returns with the newly chosen fruits, a frown on his face and guilt in his mind. They place their groceries onto the conveyor belt together, but Yoongi walks passed Namjoon at the register and takes a seat on the bench across from the checkout stations. Namjoon sighs and wonders why Yoongi is angry at them , it’s like they can’t get a break. Or maybe he’s angry at something else and he’s taking it out of them as a form of ‘dealing with it’.
They pay and bag their groceries themselves, Seokjin grumbling about how he always forgets his reusable bags the entire time. He keeps saying he’ll bring them but it never happens, so they try to use the plastic bags for small trash bins in their rooms and bathrooms. Walking back to the car, Yoongi trails in the back, keeping a distance between himself and the boys. He feels guilty for making them deal with his poor attitude, especially when all they’ve been trying to do is help.
“Can I sit up front?” Yoongi asks, standing near the passenger door. He can’t sit in the back between people right now, he would really rather sit with Hoseok in the front and get away from everyone. He’s starting to feel a little sick and anxious.
No one denies him and they silently get in.
They sense a tension from Yoongi, but they don’t understand when his mood could’ve changed, or why it would. He’s like that sometimes, though, and the change can happen so quick that they aren’t prepared for it. It’s usually because he’s tired or stressed and can’t go to his studio, but they haven’t done anything too taxing lately and Yoongi has been going to bed at a reasonable time lately to listen to the tapes. When Hoseok asks if he’s alright, Yoongi shoots him a quick glare before turning back toward his window. Needless to say, Yoongi is in one of his moods.
For Yoongi, he seriously needs to calm down and tell himself that they don’t deserve this sour treatment. He’s always like this for no reason and he feels so out of control. He hopes they don’t believe his inclinations, because he would much rather laugh and joke, but instead him mind makes him frustrated and cross his arms over his chest. He shouldn’t be sulking or fuming in any way, but the more he fights the feeling the more frustrated he gets at himself which he ultimately takes out on the others. They aren’t doing anything mean to him, not like what those men did in the store. The boys in this car are about the exact opposite from the boys in that were in that store. They have never once hurt him like that gang did, never laid a hand on him, and they wouldn’t. They wouldn’t even think of tearing him down like that. They’d protect him and keep him safe, and that makes him swell with warmth inside. You ain’t shit, y’know that? You look down on all of us from you high and mighty pedestal,
but one day you’re gonna fall , and ain’t nobody gonna be there to catch you. Ponytail man’s voice rings in his head, making him hold his crossed arms closer to his chest. They’d catch him. One of the six boys would catch him if not all of them. They would. They wouldn’t let him hit the floor, they wouldn’t let him fall and hurt himself. When the fame dies down, they’ll still care about him when it’s all over. They’re a family and they can’t just throw him away.
Namjoon said he wants to be a caregiver, if he wasn’t serious about staying by his side he wouldn’t have said that...He wouldn’t have lied. Would they all really be open to that? No one truly knows until it happens. They could change their mind when they realize how annoying and needy he is.
He looks out the window and attempts to slowly count the ducks as they wait at a stop light. Twenty, he counts, before they take off again. Counting helps. He feels less anxious. Safe. He feels like he owes them at the end of his tangent thoughts. When those men interacted with him, everything happened so suddenly and he doesn’t know if he should be angry at those men or scared out of his mind. He knows that if the boys weren’t there he wouldn’t have been so bold, but knowing that his group was just a call away gave him the courage he needed to tell them off. He would’ve felt bad if it ended in a scuffle and he had to drag the boys into his mess, even if they would’ve done it anyways. Despite everything being okay right now and everyone knowing about Little Space, Yoongi hasn’t exactly become stress free; if anything, the stress is surmounting. He’s been fighting with himself, because he wants to be in Little Space around them and let them take care of him, but he’s scared of how things will change. He really, really needs that floating feeling right now. He wants that light carefree mind in his desert of suffocating responsibilities.
That one night he couldn’t get into Little Space was a hard night. He was so aggravated and tired that he started to sob unabashedly. He smelled Brownie and wished his own scent didn’t taint Jungkook’s perfume. He needs that smell to comfort him. It’d be better if it wasn’t just his smell, but Jungkook doesn’t look like the cuddling type so he squashed that thought immediately. It was the first night Yoongi craved their affection so desperately, but he felt ashamed and undeserving for needing it. He already asks for too much.
But he’s been fighting his need because he’s petrified stiff and doesn’t know how to get moving again. What were those guys going to do to him if he didn't stand up for himself? Would they have hurt him? He shifts his arms and feels a stinging pinch in his shoulder and he remembers how one of them used his Chanel pin. Is he more vulnerable than he thinks? Who would’ve caught him if he fell?
Yoongi rests head against the glass window and watches the highway cars pass by. Will he ever truly be okay with himself? Will you ever be happy? He stops all thoughts and wonders when his self deprecation came back. He aware he’s been hard on himself for the past several weeks, he’s always like that, but the voice that sounds just like him is back. It acts like it knows him, knows how he’ll be sad for an otherwise unforeseeable future if not for that traitorous voice. When has he gotten back to this point? How has he gotten so low yet not remember falling? But everything should be okay this time because he has has the boys, and they always keep him from tilting over the edge if not by just an inch. They keep him sane and tell him of the happiness that will always be waiting for him when he feels better. So how is it that he suddenly feels the cold concrete of the floor he’s fallen onto? Why does he only see walls around him, stretching into the abyss above, or rather freedom above. He must be the abyss he’s fallen so deep into. His own disrepaired mind.
He’s already denied the boys so many times he’s not sure if they’re up there still waiting for him. Are they mad that he’s been so selfish? Are they done with his lack of communication? Maybe this entire time he’s been over dramatic and should just suck it up. You’re going to end up even more of a burden when you throw your disease onto them. Do you really think they want to take care of you? You’re weak and pathetic if you can’t handle a little stress. Grow up!
“Yoongi hyung, are you okay?” Hoseok asks again upon hearing a small whimper from Yoongi.
He shifts and drops his head against the window, wanting the voice to stop being mean to him. He doesn’t like it when people are mean to him. He wants to be Little, and he doesn’t need anyone’s permission. When he’s Little, there’s no mean voice. There’s only the temporary thoughts, the feeling of freedom of self and zero worries, and the honey-like relaxation that coats his muscles. I’ll follow wherever you go. It’s a harsh toned whisper in his mind, making Yoongi huff and wraps his arms around his middle tighter. Why can’t he breathe properly? It feels like someone’s tied a string around his lungs and he can only breathe halfway before he’s forced to let it go. It hurts - his chest - it feels like when knuckles crack except it’s in between his ribs and it burns.
“Yoongi-ah, you need to breathe,” Seokjin is sitting behind Yoongi, unbuckled and leaning forward in his chair.
Jungkook is doing the same on the adjacent side and reaches for Yoongi’s shoulder, giving it a small rub.
“What’s wrong hyung?” Jungkook worriedly asks but receives nothing in return. He looks back to Namjoon who looks just as worried.
“I’m sorry I’m doing it a-again,” Yoongi starts to cry, the voice whispering that they’re annoyed by his constant mental breakdowns. “I’m trying! I can’t help it, I said I’m sorry!” He’s yelling at himself and he hopes the boys don’t think he’s mad at them.
“Hoseok-ah, maybe we should pull over?” Namjoon advices more than asks.
“We’re just around the corner from the apartment, I think he’ll feel more comfortable there,” Hoseok speeds up a little, keeping his eyes focused on the road. “Just hang in there hyung, we’re almost home.” He gets through the front gate and quickly makes it to their apartment.
“Alright, let’s get some fresh air and relax now,” Hoseok says gently, taking the keys out of the ignition and leaning over to unbuckle Yoongi.
Seokjin is quick to exit the car and open the passenger door. He helps unfold Yoongi’s arms and takes the seatbelt off the rest of the way.
“Help me get the groceries inside,” Taehyung tells Jimin and Jungkook. They nod, knowing that they can’t all crowd him in a situation like this, no matter how badly they want to help. It’s best only a few of them help.
“Yoongi-ah, c’mon let’s get out of the car and get some fresh air,” Seokjin encourages. “You’re okay, you’re safe. Everything is alright. That’s it, just take you time.”
Yoongi takes his hand and steps out of the car, feeling lightheaded and unstable on his feet. He wants to be carried and held so he doesn’t fall. It’s scary when he sways on his feet, eyes locked onto the concrete below, and he whimpers from fear. Namjoon catches him before he sways too much and rights him with the help of Seokjin.
“Okay, let’s go inside, yeah?” Hoseok looks to Namjoon who nods in response. He walks to the front door and unlocks it, letting the boys with the groceries in first while he waits for a slow walking Yoongi and his helpers.
“Are you feeling better?” Hoseok asks once Yoongi has begun to breathe better.
They’re seated in the living room, Yoongi holding a mug of warm water between his slightly trembling fingers. It’s taken them thirty minutes for him to fully calm down, but he hasn’t really spoken to them the entire time.
“Hmm?” Hoseok prompts for an answer, rubbing Yoongi’s back in large circles.
“Yeah…” Yoongi whispers, looking into his mug.
“That’s good,” Hoseok smiles in relief and brushes a stray hair out of Yoongi’s eye. “Drink some more water, okay?” Yoongi nods and takes another slow sip, Hoseok’s hand hovering under the minutely trembling mug.
“How is everything?” Jungkook asks upon entering the living room.
“He said he’s feeling better, so that’s good,” Hoseok updates.
“Good,” Jungkook also smiles with relief. “I brought this from your room, hyung.”
Jungkook presents the bear in front of Yoongi, who’s eyes instantly lock onto the brown fluff. He lets Hoseok take the mug from his hands with Jungkook hands him Brownies, who smells more like Jungkook. Maybe he put more perfume on it. He smiles small and holds it close to his middle. Jungkook smiles happily and plays with Yoongi’s hair a bit before making his way to Jimin and Hoseok’s room. He doesn’t want to make a big deal out of Yoongi’s actions, not after his latest attack and risk making him feel worse.
“Also,” Jungkook sticks his head back into the room. “Jin hyung said lunch his almost ready.”
“Wanna go wash up? You might feel better after a warm shower,” Hoseok offers.
“No, can we...can we just stay here?” Yoongi blushes and hopes Hoseok doesn’t notice how close he’s gotten.
“Of course, hyung, whatever you need,” Hoseok smiles. “Wanna take a nap? I’ll go get a blanket if you want one.”
“Yes, please,” Yoongi leans back against the couch and waits for Hoseok to return, letting Brownies calm his anxiety while he waits.
The remainder of the day goes as such, the boys reminding Yoongi he’s okay and that they aren’t mad, and Yoongi’s eyes glassy with persistent and relentless tears. No matter how much he craves being alone to his mind, no matter how undeserving he feels, he chooses to be around the boys and wants to hold hands, sit closer to them on the couch, but just refuses to comment much of anything. They don’t push him or comment much of anything either, they let him take as much as he needs from them with a smile on their lips. Come night time, everyone is about to settle down, however Yoongi doesn’t want to go to bed. It’s been a stressful day and he’s all worn down feeling like shit.
“Let’s go talk for a little,” Namjoon tells Yoongi, who looks up to him with worried eyes. “It’s okay, I just want to talk.”
Yoongi follows Namjoon into an empty hall and they sit against the wall. The others are cleaning up after finishing their movie in the living room.
“It’s been a pretty rough day, huh?” Namjoon begins with a simply question, trying to ease into the conversation.
“Yeah,” Yoongi sits with his knees drawn to his chest, bear in between. He’s become comfortable hugging the bear in front of them, and pulls Brownies closer to his chest.
“You still seem a little stressed, is there anything we can do to help you settle in for tonight?” Namjoon has an idea in mind, but he doesn’t want to flat out make it seem like he’s demanding it.
“I don’t feel like going to bed,” Yoongi answers instead.
“It’s almost two in the morning, Yoongi, I think we all need to go to sleep,” Namjoon says. “You’ll feel so much better with a good night’s rest.”
“But…” Yoongi feels tongue-tied and unable to say what he really wants. He’s exhausted and positive that it’s written all over his features, but he doesn’t want to be alone tonight.
Namjoon senses the internal fight and finally suggests what’s been on his mind since the morning. “How about we try something different tonight? Hmm? You let us take care of you for tonight. You don’t have to be stressed or sad anymore, we can help you feel better and keep you safe. That sounds nice, doesn’t it?” He really hopes it does.
“But...isn’t everyone tired?” Yoongi bites his lip and creases his eyebrows in guilt, picking a white lint off of Brownies.
“We wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing you’re not feeling good,” Namjoon tells him. “In the end, we won’t sleep unless you do.”
“We’ve already tried everything, though…” Yoongi really doesn’t want to seem eager and agree so forwardly. He wants their attention tonight, but he also doesn’t want to seem like he can’t take care of himself. “I’ll be fine, it’s okay.”
“Yoongi, please let us. All day we’ve been worried over you. It’s okay to let us catch you,” Namjoon sighs and runs his fingers through his hair, leaning further against the wall. “If I asked you to trust us, would that be hard to do?”
Yoongi looks up from Brownies and toward Namjoon, who’s looking at the wall across from them. Do they think he doesn’t trust them? There’s a heavy weight dropped into the pit of his stomach and he swallows thickly.
“I--” Yoongi leans back against the wall and stairs at the wall across, too. “It’d be the easiest thing to do.”
Namjoon smiles with tears of relief flooding his eyes. That’s all he’s ever wanted to hear, that Yoongi can trust them and hasn’t been hiding because he can’t show his true self to them.
“Then can we help?” Namjoon asks vaguely.
“It isn’t you who I don’t trust, Joon…” Yoongi inhales and exhales deeply. “It’s hard for me to let go show people such a vulnerable side of myself. It’s such a naked feeling and it can be overwhelming at times. I feel like I have no control and it scares me. I need that control, y’know? It’s an unexplored part of myself that is so completely new and terrifying. I don’t know how deep this part of me goes, and I’m not sure why I want to keep going deeper, but I’d hate myself if it leads to somewhere that ruins us. You guys are my family, and if this ruins us...I don’t think I’d make it out of that dark world inside my head. I already feel so lost, confused more than ever, and I keep finding myself needing you guys more everyday-” Yoongi stops himself, he didn’t mean to disclose that last part. It must be because it’s late and he’s too tired to remember filtering his thoughts. “So, umm…”
“We won’t leave you in the dark,” Namjoon says with conviction. “It’s all of us, or none of us.”
Yoongi let’s that sink in and closes his eyes. Why is he scared? There are six people right beside him who’d never let him fall, so there’s no reason to fear falling. He’ll always have a place to land. When he can’t trust himself, he can trust them.
“Okay,” Yoongi looks to Namjoon with a hesitant twitch of a smile. “Okay.”
They feel like they’re waiting for results from a doctor, all of them scattered across the kitchen and dining table anxiously watching the clock. Is this reminiscent to having a child? Yoongi agreed to play his audio tapes on the couch alone in the living room. They can’t disturb him for another ten minutes. He said something about not wanting them to see the actual change, or shift, of his mental consciousness. They understand that, and honestly this may be an easier way to introduce them to his Little side.
2:12AM, the clock reads. Everyone takes a deep breath and walks slowly into the next room.
When they enter the living room, they can’t believe their eyes. Yoongi is snuggling his bear, he’s even mumbling small words as he plays with it like no one else is in the room watching. But that’s what they do, only watch, just to make sure he’s okay and because they don’t want to ruin the peace. They aren’t sure if them interacting with him would scare him or become too much. So they stay where they are and let Yoongi have his space. They’ll move at a slow pace, mostly because they aren’t sure where the line is drawn. It takes about fifteen minutes for Yoongi to tire out and fall asleep, Brownies pulled tightly in a hug and his face buried in the silky soft fur.
They look at each other and quickly walk over to him. Seokjin removes the headphones and brushes his hair away from his face.
“That was nice,” Jimin says quietly, sitting at Yoongi’s feet. “He looked so...relaxed. It’s nice not seeing him emotionless or stressed. I could watch this little guy all day.”
“Yeah,” Taehyung smiles fondly. “He’s cute.”
“Well let’s take him to his room and let him get some sleep. Same goes for everyone else,” Seokjin tells them.
-
The next day Yoongi is embarrassed about everything. Literally everything that could’ve gone wrong yesterday, went wrong. At the store, in the car, and then they had to see him lose his mind. What the actual fuck is going on with his life? He was tired, he agreed so easily. Too easily. He shouldn’t have thrown his problems onto them like that. What was he thinking? Yoongi groans and balls his hand into a fist before punching his leg with half force.
“Why am I like this?” He whispers.
Someone had to have carried him to his room because he certainly doesn’t remember walking here. He wonders what they’re going to say, what they thought last night when they saw him, and if they think any less of him. He punches his leg again and wills himself to stop thinking like this. He can trust them, and that’s all he needs to remember.
-
It makes sense now, Yoongi was a shy child. It’s understandable because Yoongi is still a shy adult.
It’s been a relatively normal day despite yesterday’s events, and Yoongi is so grateful no one has brought anything up. It’s as if it had never happened, and everyone is continuing with their daily lives like normal. Jungkook has been in his room playing video games, Yoongi believes he’s teaching Jimin or Taehyung but he isn’t sure. Hoseok asked Namjoon to help him with his mixtape so they’re at his studio, and Seokjin is somewhere wandering around the house. So Yoongi decides to make himself a snack.
It’s simple, just a bunch of fruit thrown into a blender and sloshed back into a bowl, something he doesn’t feel too lazy to make.
“Wow did you make that all by yourself?” Seokjin coos with enthusiasm, walking through the kitchen archway with a book in his hand. He must’ve been on the balcony reading.
“Y-yeah,” Yoongi mumbles. There’s a tightness in his chest, and his limbs feel so weak suddenly. He knows they appreciate his efforts whenever he takes care of himself, and it’s widely encouraged by both the boys and their fans. “I always make food.” Seokjin raises an eyebrow. “Okay, occasionally. ”
“Well I’m so proud of you! You’re such a big boy, huh? Can you tell me how you made it?” Seokjin sounds so interested and genuine, it makes Yoongi nod his head and bite his lip. The elder has been reading one of Taehyung’s books about children and just read that they like to be treated with the same respect as an adult, it makes them feel smart and not so much mocked. It makes them feel responsible and grown, even if Seokjin knows it’s only a smoothie. He smiles and rubs Yoongi’s back.
“S-so I, um, I put these fruits in the blender- oh wait, I cut them up first,” Yoongi gestures to the leftover parts of the fruit on the cutting board and waits for Seokjin to nod before continuing. “Then I put’em in the blender and blendeded it, then put it in a bowl, then put the rest of the fruit on top.”
“Wow that’s really smart! Why didn’t I think of that?” Seokjin smiles and pokes at Yoongi’s side, making the other giggle and blush.
“Stop,” Yoongi whines, feeling like jelly and slightly confused as to what he’s doing. Everything seems so much more vivid suddenly, colours popping and becoming so comforting.
“D’you know what’ll taste super yummy with your fruit?” Seokjin stops teasing and asks a question, feigning seriousness.
“Mm-mm,” Yoongi hums, waiting intently for what Seokjin is going to reveal.
“Some honey and granola, mmmm~” Yoongi smiles at Seokjin’s actions, watching him rub his stomach and lick his lips. “Wanna try it?”
“Yeah,” Yoongi says quietly. He feels his fingers tingle and head drifty. It’s such a wonderful feeling he easily gets lost into.
He watches Seokjin get the honey and a small bag of granola from the cabinets. He sprinkles a little granola on a small portion and drizzles a tiny drop of honey, then hands Yoongi a spoon and lets him try. Yoongi gasps at the sweet taste on his tongue and loves the crunchy granola. He smiles and swallows the treat happily.
“More!” Yoongi hops in place and pushes the bowl a little closer to Seokjin, even though the taller male is already right next to him. “More!”
“Haha okay, sweetie,” Seokjin honestly wants to cry. Yoongi finally regresses in front of him, and that feeling of being trusted is so beautiful. He won’t let Yoongi down.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“I don’t get how you were the one to experience it first,” Jimin grumbles.
Yoongi is currently still asleep upstairs while the boys sit in the backyard under the ramada. It’s almost half past eight, and they would normally wake him up, but he had a hard time going to sleep and Namjoon finally heard a light switch turn off around 3:00AM. Plus, they need some time to talk and gather their thoughts.
The sky is clear air fresh with fresh dew drops that still linger, the sun basking the plants in a warm ray. These kinds of mornings are lovely during the changing summer season and they need to enjoy it before fall arrives.
Seokjin sets his coffee down on the table with a look of shock.
“You say that as if it’s a bad thing,” Seokjin crosses his arms and leans back in his chair.
“Well yeah!” Jimin expresses like it’s obvious, cheek stuffed with egg. He swallows thickly before continuing, “You guys weren’t even doing anything fun. If it were me, I would’ve taken him to the park or something. He needs to get out more as it is.”
“And let everyone know Yoongi-ah is a Little? I doubt he’d want that type of attention,” Seokjin responds. “We can’t just jump right into the deep, we have to take things slow for now.”
“He’s right,” Namjoon sides. “We know about just as much as Yoongi when it comes to his Little Space, so let’s try not to overwhelm him or ourselves with all these expectations.”
“But I want to know what it’s like,” Taehyung sighs and looks to Seokjin. “How different was he?”
Everyone looks to Seokjin in curious anticipation.
“Honestly, you know when he gets in those super energetic and playful moods?” Seokjin asks and receives a round of nods. “It was a lot like that. He was smiley, easy to make laugh, bubbly, and hyperactive.”
“Are you sure we’re still talking about Yoongi hyung?” Jungkook asks with a chuckle, making the others let out a small laugh as well.
“I know it’s odd, but that’s what he was like at that moment,” Seokjin smiles at the memory of yesterday. “He seemed so much lighter,” He suddenly adds.
“What do you mean?” Hoseok asks.
“I’m not sure if I’ll be able to give the experience justice, but he just seemed so...weightless. As if he had zero responsibilities, zero worries. He was only focused on what was happening. He had such an innocents about him, too. It’s weird because out of Little Space he’s so closed off and even a little expressionless at times, which worries me sometimes. But yesterday, it was like his face wouldn’t keep to a single expression. He was so energetic and carefree. From everything that we talked about, I was preparing to see some wild transformation into a baby or something like that, but it wasn’t like that at all.
“He still used his words, still articulated fairly well. I’d say the only difference was he pouts a little more and his voice a bit more innocent sounding. I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Ugh~ I’m so jealous!” Jimin groans.
-Yoongi smooshes the soft fur of Brownies against his face and smiles sweetly into it. He loves waking up like this.
When he enters the living room, he expected to see the boys, but he supposes that was a long shot considering he didn’t hear them. Come to think of it, the house sounds empty. Where’d they go? Yoongi should’ve take Brownies with him, even if he contemplated it for five minutes and had a solid reason for leaving him behind (to evade any embarrassing comments), he needs that fur and scent to comfort him. They would’ve woken him up or even texted if they were going anywhere, so they must be around somewhere. He hears Hoseok’s rowdy laughter and knows exactly where it’s coming from.
Yoongi relaxes when he sees the boys in the backyard. He should at least make himself something to eat before going out there, because Seokjin would just send him right back inside anyways. Plus, he can smell freshly brewed coffee. He
Yoongi accidentally spaces out and spills the coffee over the brim of the mug and burns his hand, resulting in dropping the mug completely. It shatters, splattering hot coffee over the tile, the low cabinets, and Yoongi’s legs and feet. He’s angry at himself at first, but then he grows sad and frustrated - a mixture for anxiety. He broke one of their good mugs, which was also one of his favorites that Jimin bought him from Tokyo Disneyland. Pluto now covers the tile in broken pieces. He sighs, then sighs again, and again, runs his fingers through his freshly washed and blow-dried hair because he actually tried to start the morning off with a motivational footstep, he sighs again. Again, again, again, his hand still stings, he sighs again but this time it’s threw his nose because he’s try his damn hardest to stop an impending breakdown. It’s the morning for Pete’s sake! Why is he like this? Is it because instead of sleeping he stayed up and over thought every single conversation he had. Was he rude? Was he bitchy? Were they annoyed? Are they mad? Are they embarrassed? Was he too needy? Should he just stop trying and get over it?
That last one was a heavy topic of the night. Should he abandon Little Space altogether and demand everyone forget about it. It would make it easier for everyone, and he can just find a different stress reliever. He’s been hitting his thigh which has honestly helped a little each time. He just needs to perfect the right amount of force. But shit like this, breaking valuable stuff, wouldn’t happen if he was clear headed and not caught up in his own self-centered world. He sighs again, this time it’s followed by a cough sounding much like a failed attempt at holding back a sob. He grabs the paper towel stand and unrolls several rectangles. He begins to sop up his mess with as much composure he can provide himself.
The backyard sliding glass door slides open and he hears their voices.
“No,” Yoongi whispers to himself.
He cleans faster and starts to panic. They’re going to be mad at him. Jimin is going to be so destroyed when he finds out he broke his gift. You ruin everything. Why do you even bother trying?
“Oh!” Taehyung gasps and walks over to Yoongi, taking paper towels into his own hand and begins to help.
Great, now he’s making the younger clean up his mess. Yoongi decides bitterly that he doesn’t deserve Little Space. He inwardly sighs and immediately recants that statement. He needs this, everyone knows that at this point, and they’ve already offered so much of themselves in order to help. They expect so much and who is he to disappoint simply because he’s being selfish?
“Hey, it’s okay,” Taehyung stops wiping the now warm coffee and looks to Yoongi. “Accidents happen all the time. Are you hurt?”
Yoongi is taken by surprise by his own tears that have finally run down his cheeks. He did not give them permission, and his lack of control only makes him feel more defeated. He keeps getting lost in his thoughts these days. Taehyung looks so concerned and Yoongi feels like punching himself again. They were just outside laughing and having a good time, now he’s all worried and ruined the atmosphere like he always fucking does.
“Yeah, I’m-” Before Yoongi can even lie, Taehyung is already giving him a look that tells him to stop with the charade. So, he does. “I-I burned my hand…” Once he says it out loud, the pain becomes more prevalent and his confession makes his chest constrict and mind fog over.
“It hurts,” Yoongi whimpers, letting go of his defenses and allowing his tears to free flow. And quite frankly, he’s been holding back tears for a frustratingly long time.
There was never an opportunity that made him think: ‘hey, maybe I can go talk to them about everything on my mind and cry it all out.’ But is there ever the right moment for that? He recalls back to when he first told his parents about his depression, it was scary as all hell and they made him see a psychiatrist, but it was worth it.
-
“Mom…” Yoongi waits for his mom to hum that she heard him. She peers over a pot on the stove and gives it a swirl with her wooden spoon. The smell wafts into the air along with warm steam. “Is dinner almost ready?”
“Almost, honey,” She turns with a smile and Yoongi feels even heavier when he attempts to return it. “Go get your brother and set the table.”
He’s shaking, his heart feels like it’ll thud right out of his chest and onto the table. He swears they can hear it, they have to see that he’s in obvious distress. Or maybe it’s been so long that they assume this is normal. He shudders at his own efforts to keep up his mask, how he’s gotten so well over the years. But that’s just it, he’s become so good at wearing a mask, he’s forgotten what he looks like without it and he’s terrified of what he’s become. Every memory feels like a betrayal. Fake laughter taints the memory of a good time spent with friends who suspect nothing. Pretending to enjoy himself for the sake of others makes him guilty later for his numerous and continuous lies, so he chooses not to go out much. He’d rather be alone than pretend and lie to the people he’s supposed to care about. He takes a deep breath and sets his fork down.
“I’m sad,” Yoongi confesses. His fingers tingle, head feels drifty, chest tight. He shakes the feeling away and dedicates himself to the moment.
Everyone stops talking and looks at their youngest. Yoongi hates the attention but knows he asked for it.
“I...I’m sad,” He repeats quieter now that the chatter has ended.
“About what?” Yoongi’s dad asks, making the younger cringe from the judgment in his voice.
“I-I don’t know, but it’s all the time and it won’t go away,” Yoongi feels like an idiot for not being able to describe what this feels like. He’s spent weeks practicing what he needs to say, yet all those words have left him with a dry mouth and burning eyes. “I’m scared.”
“Oh, sweetie-” Yoongi’s mom is cut off by his dad’s harsh comment.
“I have to make sure everyone in the house is fed, housed, clean, and protected every single day. I go to work for ten hours each morning then come home and I still feel like I’m working,” Mr. Min stares directly at Yoongi with a tense and scolding brow. “Do I look sad to you? You’re young, you have everything handed to you. Maybe if you stopped wasting your money on all that shit you buy for your little hobby, then you’ll see how easy your life is. And don’t think I won’t be talking to you about that phone call.”
Yoongi swallows down the lump and tries to ignore the pain. “What phone call?”
“The one from your homeroom teacher. She said you weren’t paying attention in class again and found you writing lyrics in your notebook,” It’s accusing, blaming, with an undertone of a threat that Yoongi will be spanked. He’s too old for that. “Do you think notebooks grow on trees? You’re a good student, so stop wasting my money on your stupid dream. You’re a Min, so smarten up and get a decent job that will help support this family.”
“You’re being harsh,” Mrs. Min calmly interjects. Yoongi wants to cry from her sweet voice. “You’re missing the point, love, he said he’s sad. I think we should take him to talk to someone, maybe they can also help him with his career path.”
Yoongi does cry at this. She doesn’t believe in his music, either, and would actually take him to see a shrink as if he has some disease. He jumps out of his chair before his tears overtake him.
“Just forget it!” Yoongi yells harsher than he intended, but he doesn’t look back once he’s running to his room.
It’s a small house and he’s sure they can hear the sobs that wrack his body, but no one says anything the entire night.
It’s 4:25AM when Yoongi feels a dip in his bed. He stirs awake and groggily opens his eyes to see his older brother.
“Are you okay?” Jun Ki
“Why do they hate me?” Yoongi’s voice trembles and he hates how weak he is.
“They don’t hate you,” Jun Ki rubs soothing circles on his baby brother’s bony back. “They’re parents who are worried sick over you. It’s normal. Yoongi, we aren’t rich, we aren’t even middle class-”
“But dad works so much,” Yoongi barely wants to speak of his father, let alone give him the title of ‘dad’.
“Because he has to. He works so that we can have a future that’s better than theirs, don’t you want to make them proud?” Jun Ki brushes a tear off of Yoongi’s warm cheek.
“More than anything,” Yoongi starts to cry and sits up to hug his brother. Jun Ki is startled by the hug at first, but quickly provides the comfort he craves and deserves.
“Yoongi…” Jun Ki sighs and weighs what he’s about to say. “Finish high school, okay? Then you can work on music.”
Yoongi pulls out of the hug and looks to Jun Ki with a shocked expression.
“I...I can?” Yoongi wants to cry for a whole new reason.
“You’re special, ever since you touched that piano I saw something in you. Don’t let anyone give you trouble. I’ll talk to mom and dad and see if we can get you a psychiatrist about the depression, okay? You can’t keep bottling yourself up, or you’ll get sad like this, so you need to be open to the doctor,” Jun Ki holds him in a tighter hug. He’ll be the one who takes the normal career path to satisfy his parents, but Yoongi wouldn’t make it in a world like that and as his big brother he can’t let that happen.
“Thank you, hyung! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Yoongi cries until both boys are asleep in each others hold.
-
“Where does it hurt?” Once Seokjin heard that Yoongi hurt himself, he quickly set the mop aside and lowered himself to Yoongi.
Moments like these, Yoongi needs his hyung, someone who will make all the pain go away. Yoongi begins to fully sob and throws himself at Seokjin, wrapping his arms around his neck and making them almost topple over. Seokjin huffs at the impact but catches him easily. He wraps his arms around his back and looks to the other boys are who are just as in shock as he is.
“Where does it hurt? Did you get glass in you?” Seokjin asks gently, rubbing his back soothingly.
“M-my hand,” Yoongi hiccups and holds on tighter.
Seokjin is sure he isn’t the only worried one right now, with the look on everyone’s faces, they all seem at a loss of what to do.
“Okay, shh shh, you’re okay,” Seokjin coos. He begins to slowly rise and Yoongi takes this moment to wrap his legs around Seokjin’s waist.
He’s broader and works out at the gym more than Namjoon, so he lifts Yoongi easier and holds him comfortably against his body.
“Let’s go upstairs and get you all cleaned up and taken care of, sweetie,” Seokjin looks to the others. “Namjoon-ah, can you help Tae clean the spill? You too Hoseok-ah?” He receives nods and looks to the remaining boys. “Help me clean him up.”
Jungkook and Jimin feel honored to be chosen, however they can’t enjoy the feeling when they see how Yoongi’s hands are gripped so hard on Seokjin’s shirt.
Seokjin sets Yoongi’s sock-covered feet down on the cool tile floor in Yoongi’s bathroom and guides his hand under a stream of cold water. He hisses at first contact but relaxes soon after.
“Here’s some clean clothes,” Jimin enters the bathroom with Jungkook close behind.
“Is it bad?” Jungkook winces at the red patch over the back of Yoongi’s left hand.
Yoongi also looks to Seokjin, afraid of what the answer will be.
“It’ll be okay,” Seokjin says to Yoongi more than Jungkook. “Just a minor burn. We’ll put some ice on it and then aloe vera to help make it feel better.”
Yoongi sniffles and nods his head. Hyung will take care of him, just like he’s supposed to. He leans back onto Seokjin’s sturdy chest and uses his other hand to wipe away his tears.
He feels so much better now that he’s all situated on the couch with a large blanket and Brownies in his arms. How could he have ruined his morning so quickly? The others don’t seem to mind, but he still feels guilty.
“We’re thinking about going out for a late lunch, are you okay with that?” Jimin sits beside him on the couch. “Afterwards, we can get ice cream or maybe go for a walk through the park.”That does sound better than this feeling of suffocation he finds being cooped up inside. He hates all their tense stares and worried voices, and going out might make their attention go on others.
“Yeah,” Yoongi murmurs, but Jimin understands and smiles.
-
Hoseok sighs and sits beside Namjoon. They just finished washing the dishes from breakfast and sit at the dining table together.
“We should be concerned,” Hoseok says.
“Aren’t we?” Namjoon asks back.
“I mean more than we already are. He wasn’t in Little Space during...his upset, which is weird,” Hoseok explains. “I thought Little Space is exactly for moments like that.”
“I know, but maybe he couldn’t with us all watching him like hawks. It might’ve been too much,” Namjoon suggests.
“Hey, I have something to tell you guys,” Seokjin enters the kitchen and walks over to them. He leans over the back of a chair and gathers his thoughts. “I spoke to the others already, but when we took Yoongi upstairs I helped him change and he has…” Even if he’s said it already to the others, it doesn’t get easier. “There were bruises on his right thigh.”
Namjoon and Hoseok don’t seem to understand what Seokjin is, or could be, implying and wait for him to continue.
“I have no idea how he could’ve gotten those, not unless he...he did it himself,” Seokjin doesn’t like speculating, especially about stuff like this, but it’s better to be aware of all possibilities. “It wouldn’t be completely off base. He use to scratch his shoulder without realizing it until he started to bleed. He hasn’t done that since we intervened, so I just wanted to say keep a close watch on him in case you see it happening. It’s better to be safe than sorry.”
“It doesn’t seem like Little Space is helping…” Namjoon mutters angrily. Not at Yoongi, never at him, but he isn’t sure who he’s angry at. The doctor? She couldn’t have known all the outcomes. Himself? The group? No, they don’t know everything either. Maybe he’s just mad in general, at the situation, or that Yoongi has to suffer so much.
-
It’s busy. Plates clinking from forks and spoons. Chatter that all forms into one conglomerated sound, enhanced by loud laughter. Wondering eyes pass over them, glances that look like they know them but quickly dismiss the notion. They aren’t dressed for attention, no makeup, no cameras or crew. They look like an average group of guys you wouldn’t look twice at. Maybe at Taehyung, you could look twice at him, maybe even three times, the fourth time would just be staring. They asked to be seated the furthest away from any of the other tables, and of course the restaurant knows them and happily took the request.
Yoongi sits the furthest back in order to hide even more from potentially wondering eyes. Taehyung sits beside him to the right and Hoseok to his left. They get waters with lemon all around then each person orders another drink. Everything is fine. The onlookers lost interest in a matter of seconds, so that’s fine. The decor is fine. The drinks are fine. The conversation is fine. The crab is excellent. He’s glad he came.
A child drops a crayon onto the floor and the movement catches Yoongi’s attention. He didn’t get offered a colouring menu. No one asked, either. He really wants to colour now. Maybe afterwards they can do that together, well if they had the art supplies they could. Jungkook could teach him how to draw. He looks over to the maknae and smiles when he looks away again. Yeah, that would be fun.
Yoongi doesn’t even realize how far he’s slipped into Little Space, how easy it was when he’s lost in his thoughts. He swings his legs happily and takes another bite of his crab. It’s yummy and he loves it so much. He’s slightly hopping in his seat from his small kicks, and smiles when Seokjin tells a dumb joke. For some reason, the dumb joke sounded like the funniest thing he’s ever heard and he can’t help the giggle that tumbles out of his mouth. He can’t stop laughing with them until soon he’s the only one laughing.
“Tha’s dumb!” Yoongi giggles before going back to his meal.
The boys quickly exchange looks, all of them going on high alert.
“Yoongi-ah, keep your voice down,” Seokjin says softly. When did he go into Little Space? And why here of all places?
“Are you feeling Little?”Taehyung asks the still smiling boy.
Yoongi nods happily and picks up a shell with the delicious crab meat trapped inside. He bits the shell hard and reels back.
“Ow!” Yoongi whimpers and brings his hand to his teeth.
“Oh, Yoongi, don’t do that,” Taehyung drops the 'hyung' title and rubs Yoongi’s head. “Here, lemme take it out for you.”
“No!” Yoongi pulls the crab away from Taehyung’s grabbing fingers and ends up spilling his glass of water.
“Sweetie, please keep your voice down!” Seokjin whisper yells.
People are looking now and the boys don’t know what to do. A waitress sees the mess and begins to make her way to the table, towels in hand.
“It’s mine!” Yoongi yells a little louder.
Taehyung winces at the sound and shushes the upset boy. “Please, be quiet.”
The waitress bows in greeting and smiles to the group, “Let me grab you another water and get this cleaned up real quick.”
“Thank you,” Namjoon speaks over anything Yoongi was about to say.
The waitress looks to Namjoon’s sudden outburst but quickly recovers and offers a bigger smile.
“Can you lift up your plate, please,” She politely asks.
Hoseok nods quickly and lifts Yoongi’s plate for her to wipe the water away.
“Hey!” Yoongi frowns at Hoseok for stealing his food.
The waitress flinches, startled by Yoongi’s outcry. When the water is cleaned, she tries not to show how confused she is by Yoongi’s actions.
“Thank you!” Namjoon and Seokjin say at the same time. It’s rushed and clearly means that she should go now.
She gets the hint and bows before smiling once again and leaving.
“Min Yoongi,” Seokjin’s authoritative voice makes Yoongi instantly stop arguing with Taehyung and look at his hyung. “Stop it right now. We are in public, so you need to behave yourself.”
Yoongi looks to the boys, some of them are looking around as if they’re worried someone will hear, but most of them are looking at him with stressful expressions. This has been what they’ve wanted for weeks now, what they practically begged for, but now is not the place or time for this. They can’t let this go public, that could hurt Yoongi, and quite frankly it’s no ones business but their own.
“B-but, I wa-” Yoongi’s defeated mumbling is cut off by Namjoon.
“No buts,” It’s final and Yoongi closes his mouth. “Now isn’t the time.”
“You can be Little when we get home,” Jungkook offers, whispering the word like a curse. He looks nervous and gives Yoongi an apologetic smile.
“But-”
“What did I just say?” Namjoon asks.
“Okay…” Yoongi looks down in a pout and finally lets Taehyung crack the shells and take all the meat out.
Yoongi can feel himself exiting Little Space, which feels like sobering up in an odd way. He doesn’t know why he acted so immaturely, but it seems like he’s been messing up everything today. He’s not particularly hungry anymore either, not while there’s an awkward tension in the air.
“Okay, you can eat it now,” Taehyung gets back to his own plate and picks up his fork.
So Yoongi does the same and slowly chews his food, enthusiasm gone. It doesn’t even taste good anymore. It tastes like guilt, like he isn’t allowed to eat it. He eats several more bites before he calls it quits. No one comments on how utterly sad Yoongi looks. Hoseok gently wipes Yoongi’s mouth for him and half expects him to whine and pull away, instead he just sits there and lets it happen.
“Thank you, have a nice night!” The host says to them as they leave the restaurant.
The cool air hits Yoongi’s face but he doesn’t bother to bring up his collar or zip his jacket.
“Ice cream?” Namjoon looks around the group while he asks the question.
Yoongi actually thinks that sounds good, it may even help him feel better.
“Yeah that sounds great,” Hoseok says with a smile. “It’ll be too cold pretty soon to enjoy stuff like that, so let’s enjoy it now.”
The drive is quiet, at least for Yoongi, everyone else is talking away and joking like the scene at the restaurant didn’t happen. The ice cream barely helped in all honesty. The sweet taste only reminded him of how bitter his life always seems to lead. He shouldn’t have acted like that, it was wrong and uncalled for. And yet, he can’t stop himself from feeling confused by it all. No matter how hard he tries, he always ends up falling even harder.
-
He wants to go to bed and forget tonight ever happened, but they’d get suspicious if he went to bed at eight.
“It’s okay to be Little now, Yoongi hyung,” Jimin rubs his hand down the elder’s back and gives him an encouraging smile.
Yoongi doesn’t even think he can speak about Little Space right now because he feels so defeated. So he shakes his head and walks passed them.
“Can we just watch a movie?” Yoongi sits on the couch and turns on the TV. Maybe if they watched a movie they wouldn’t want to talk to him.
“But I thought you wanted to be in Little Space?” Hoseok asks. He takes a seat near Yoongi and looks at him with confusion.
Everything is becoming too much. Don’t they get it?
“C’mon, please talk to us. How can we know what’s wrong if you don’t talk to us?” Namjoon asks.

“You need to talk to her, Yoongi, or else she’s not going to know how to help you,” Jun Ki tells him at breakfast.

Both parents are at work so it’s just the two of them.

“But talking about it makes me sad,” Yoongi pokes at his cereal, not even trying to make it look like he’s eating.

“What do you mean?” Jun Ki taps Yoongi’s bowl with his spoon. The latter knows it means ‘eat your food’.

He swallows his tasteless cereal and sighs. “I dunno...it’s like the more I talk about it the harder it gets and then I feel out of control.”

“The longer you keep it in only elongates everything you have to say, so if you can get through talking about half then you’ll only have another half to talk about next time. After that, you won’t have to worry,” Jun Ki reasons.

Yoongi knows why they made his brother their favorite.

Yoongi knows it’s better to talk because if he doesn’t, then he’ll never talk and he’ll walk around angry and quick tempered. He relents.
“I just don’t get it,” Yoongi stops himself, cursing because he’s already close to breaking yet again. Why has he been so emotional lately?
“Don’t get what?” Namjoon asks.
Yoongi sighs and folds his arms over each other, trying to look smaller.
“Ever since the beginning of all this, you guys have been constantly trying to get me into Little Space, and then the one time I do you tell me it’s not okay,” Yoongi stops again, composing himself before his voice breaks. His throat is starting to hurt with all he’s holding back. He won’t be able to keep this up for much longer. “I didn’t mean to slip, I’m not sure how it even happened. I’m sorry for ruining…” He can’t finish because saying it out loud only confirms his mean thoughts. He ruined dinner - no, not only dinner, he ruined the entire day.
The impulse to punch his leg hits before he has time to comprehend what he’s feeling. It feels good and staunches some of his tears, so he tries to
punch again but Hoseok’s hand is there to stop him. He pulls his hand away and brings his knees to his chest
to cry
into them. Why is he so fucking emotional!? Not only that, but he’s so frustrated and exhausted. He angrily wipes his tears and forces himself to stop.
Jimin jogs back into the room with a tissue box and presents it to Yoongi.
“This is so stupid!” He mewls. He blows his nose and sniffles. It’s now as pink as the rim forming around his eyes.
“No it isn’t,” Jimin states strongly. “We were worried is all.”
“And we didn’t want someone to make fun of you or spread rumors,” Namjoon expands on Jimin’s sentence.
“So, you aren’t annoyed of me?” Yoongi hiccups and dabs the rest of his tears away.
Jungkook takes a seat next to him and throws an arm over his shoulder.
“We couldn’t be mad at you,” Jungkook says gently, his large smile comforting Yoongi. He smells like Brownies and it makes Yoongi melt.
“We’re sorry we made it seem like we were mad,” Namjoon says sincerely. “We just didn’t know what to do.”
Yoongi can understand that, and he genuinely appreciates their efforts. Because he was in Little Space, he didn’t think of the consequences nor who it would affect around him. At some point, he won’t have to remind himself that they care, he’ll just know.
“We’re your caregivers, Yoongi-ah, it’s part of our job to protect you,” Namjoon gives him a soft smile and Jungkook squeezes his shoulder a little.
“You protec’ me?” Yoongi mumbles, eyes wide and innocent. There’s so much trust in those large eyes, so much love and trust.
“Of course, sweetheart,” Namjoon responds and pokes Yoongi’s pink nose. “Boop.”
Yoongi giggles softly and kicks his legs a tiny bit. He looks away from Namjoon and blushes into Jungkook’s shirt. He smells just like Brownies. He smiles at the shirt and grabs it, cuddling into Jungkook’s side.
“Do You still wanna watch a move?” Seokjin asks Yoongi.
“I...I can?” Yoongi looks expectantly at Seokjin.
“Of course you can,” He answers. “And do you know why?”
“Mm-mm,” Yoongi hums.
“Because you’re
our special baby boy,” Seokjin coos.
And Yoongi falls deep into the fluff in his mind. He sinks further and further the longer he smiles. He giggles and turns into Jungkook’s shirt to hide, making the maknae smile fondly.
“Aw, cute!” Taehyung squeals and wants to cuddle him too.
“You can sit here, Tae,” Hoseok says and gets up for Taehyung. Jimin sits on the floor in front of the boys and laughs when he hears Yoongi’s soft giggle.
“Okay! Let’s watch a movie!” Namjoon plops onto the couch and goes to Netflix.
“PG only,” Seokjin tells him.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“Yoongi-ah, it’s fine! Stop worrying so much over it,” Hoseok rubs Yoongi’s back soothingly, chuckling over the smaller boy’s whining.

“You don’t understand, Seok, I’m being serious,” Yoongi leans away from the comfort and frowns. “I didn’t even mean to do it, and stop laughing it isn’t funny.”

“But you and Jin hyung always spend time together, why don’t you wanna play with uncle Hobi?” Hoseok coos.

“

Ew

, you’re not...I’m not calling you...

that

,” Yoongi hunches in on himself and scoots away from Hoseok, pushing himself into the corner of the couch.

“C’mon~ I have some activities planned,” Hoseok tries to entice the pouting boy.

“I wanna take a nap,” Yoongi is interested in what Hoseok planned, but he won’t give him the satisfaction because he referred to himself as his ‘Uncle Hobi’. He wants to cringe, maybe even throw up, at the notion of such a demand.

“Stop teasing him,” Seokjin scolds Hoseok upon entering the room. “What d’you wanna do, Yoongi-ah?”

Yoongi feels a tightening in his chest at the very sound of Seokjin’s voice, something about it makes him feel so fuzzy ever since yesterday. He’s protective, carried him when he wanted, and took good care of him. He looks to his hyung and shys away but has no idea why he feels uncontrollably tingly so suddenly. It’s like he wants to be Little just because his hyung is here, because his hyung offered a smile.

“Sleepy…” Yoongi mumbles.

“You’re feeling sleepy?” Yoongi nods in response to Seokjin’s slight coo. The elder boy takes up the remote from the ottoman and turns the television off. “Aren’t you supposed to be cleaning the upstairs bathroom?” Seokjin turns to Hoseok with a knowing expression, a slight lift to his brow.

“Wowww, fine make me the unwanted uncle,” Hoseok stands and makes to leave the room.

“Stop calling yourself ‘uncle’; it’s weird,” Seokjin tells him on his way out.

Yoongi feels bad for Hoseok, he didn’t mean anything mean by his actions and yet he’s made to leave. Although, it

does

feel better not having someone riding his back.

“Okay, you can have your nap time now,” Seokjin turns Yoongi’s attention away from Hoseok and back to himself.

Yoongi relaxes and lays onto his side, hands tucked warmly between his folded legs.

He isn’t dumb, Seokjin, he knows that Yoongi is a shy person and by seeking out his Headspace on demand isn’t something he’s going to willingly allow without fight. He’ll clam up and refuse them the more they pry. It’s the same way when they ask him how he’s doing, and if he doesn’t want to talk about it then he doesn’t want to talk about it, end of discussion. They had to learn over time not to push him or he’ll never tell them the truth. He’ll eventually tell them without prompt, and that’s how Seokjin is approaching Little Space. It’s sort of like how he tell them how he’s feeling, whether that be anxious, stressed, scared, overwhelmed, so on and so forth. Yoongi will come to you if he doesn’t feel forced to. So, instead of asking how he’s doing, Seokjin allows his presence be the opener. When Yoongi feels comfortable enough, he’ll tell him, or maybe even give Seokjin a look that’s easy to read.
Sometimes- most times, Yoongi doesn’t voice his problems, he mopes around without any walls so someone can see he’s clearly upset, and therefore help.

“Um...can we watch cartoons instead?” Yoongi wants to stay awake now that hyung is here.

“I think it’d be better if you nap, hun,” Seokjin looks apologetic. He only had to be stern once, and that was at the restaurant, but when he saw how broken Yoongi seemed Seokjin can’t bring himself to do that again.

“But...I wanna be with hyung…” Yoongi looks away downheartedly. Namjoon clearly expressed his dislike for excuses and ‘but’s, so he should already be prepared for the rejection.

Now how can Seokjin say no to a face like that? He knows at some point he’s going to need to hold his ground, but at the moment this doesn’t seem so consequently heavy.

“Okay, sweetheart,” He relents and takes a seat next to Yoongi. The other looks hesitant to move, so Seokjin scoots closer to the younger boy and turns back on the TV.

It takes a couple minutes of stopping and checking for a reaction until Seokjin stops on Spongebob and watches Yoongi smile. Perfect. He stays on the show and gets up from the couch.

“J...Jinie?” Yoongi looks up at Seokjin, an expression the elder can’t quite identify. He’s never seen Yoongi make such a face. It looks lost, scared maybe, but honestly he doesn’t know.

“I’m just getting some water,” Seokjin tells him. “I’ll bring you back a glass.”

“‘M not thirsty,” Yoongi turns back to the TV, his expression no longer confusing Seokjin and is now back to indifference.

“You need to hydrate, okay? It’s good for you, sweetie,” Seokjin leaves the room with that and doesn’t see how Yoongi’s eyes glaze over or his hands grab at his shorts softly.

When Seokjin returns, he sees Yoongi is basically entranced by the cartoon, legs folded beside him, subconsciously wiggling his toes. He’s fallen deep into Little Space from what Seokjin can see, and he smiles excitedly. It’s just him and Yoongi, no crowd to make him nervous or any reason to be scolded, just potentially good interaction.

“Here, have some water,” Seokjin brings the cup between Yoongi’s eyes and the TV program. Yoongi doesn’t even respond, he just moves his head slightly away from the glass cup. “Yoon-”

“Mm!” Yoongi’s brows crease and a frown forms on his lips while he moves his line of sight away from the glass and back onto the TV. He settles back into his seat and relaxes his tense expression.

So much for good interaction.

“Yoongi-ah, take your water,” Seokjin brings the glass back in front of the other.

“Mm!” Yoongi moves his head again and pushes the glass this time.

The water sloshes in the cup and spills over the rim, dripping over Seokjin’s hand and onto the rug. At first, Seokjin is startled by Yoongi’s outright defiance, but hardens his expression. Why is he being so stubborn? It’s obvious he’s in Little Space and Seokjin’s trying so very hard not to make it a big deal, but he has to do

something.

He takes the TV remote and shuts the TV off. This whole defiant and disobedient thing every time Yoongi goes into Little Space needs to stop. Just because he’s Little doesn’t mean he can treat others like this.

Yoongi gasps and blinks his eyes, as if that’s the problem with the TV. He sees Seokjin with the remote and frowns.

“Hey!” Yoongi reaches for the remote but Seokjin pulls it further away.

“No, Yoongi,” Seokjin puts the remote onto the ottoman and stands in front of the other. “I turned it off because you’re being disrespectful to your hyung,” Seokjin tells him. “Look, you made me spill water on the rug.”

Yoongi looks to where Seokjin is pointing and feels guilt swell in his stomach. He didn’t mean to spill the water, he just wanted to see what happened to Squidward when he got injected by Gary’s snail plasma. He doesn’t want to be selfish to his hyung, not when Yoongi’s the one who requested Seokjin spend time with him.

But Yoongi feels anxious about not being able to watch his program and mumbles with a small pout, “I’m missing the show.” It’s one of his favorite episodes, can’t Seokjin see that?

Seokjin sighs and sits next to Yoongi. The younger boy is clearly upset and Seokjin doesn’t have it in him to be strict anymore, especially toward Yoongi who can be any age right now.

“How about you drink this first and then I turn Spongebob back on?” Seokjin speaks softly and not as demanding as before.

Yoongi scratches his pant leg and thinks about his options. He can either not watch and have Seokjin be mad at him, or he can drink the water and watch TV. Yoongi takes the glass and slowly drinks, eyes staring at the water disappear into his mouth. Admittedly, he does feel better, quenching a thirst he didn’t know he had.

“Good,” Seokjin takes the glass away and ruffles Yoongi’s hair before retrieving the remote. “That wasn’t so bad, huh?”

The TV comes back to life but Yoongi starts to cry. He just wants one thing to go right in his life, and maybe it’s just the piling stress that’s making him so quick to tears, but isn’t everything supposed to be nice in Little Space? Everyone should be nice! Life should be better in Little Space.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Seokjin looks to the TV and back to Yoongi, completely at a loss. “Look, look at the TV; it’s on.”

“No!” Yoongi wipes his rushing tears. He’s missed the rest of the episode because he had to drink all that water. “It’s gone!”

Seokjin is distraught, he’s done exactly what he promised and yet Yoongi is still upset. What did he do wrong?

“It’s on, look it’s-” Seokjin sees the commercials playing and a light bulb flicks on in his head. The guide obviously tells him that Spongebob is still playing, but maybe in Yoongi’s Little Headspace he doesn't know that.

“It’s only on commercial break, Yoongi-ah, it’s okay,” Seokjin tries to explain. “It’ll come back on any second, I promise.”

He glances back at the TV nervously and prays the episode isn’t over. It would be crushing for the commercials to end only for a new episode to begin. He’s already making parental promises, only if it means to make his little one stop crying.

Spongebob blares back to life and Seokjin releases a tense breath when the same episode resumes. Yoongi also settles down and his tears stop almost as soon as the show reappears. He sniffles and wipes the remaining tears away with his sleeve, once again looking content minus the slight wetness on his cheeks. Seokjin sighs and leans back against the cushions. That was stressful. He brushes stray hairs away from touching Yoongi’s eyelashes and wonders why he’s so easy to trigger into an emotional meltdown lately. He isn’t like that in his normal Headspace, maybe this is a conversation he needs to have with the others - maybe even with Yoongi, if he’s open to talk. He’s going to want to be there regardless because he’ll complain about being talked about.

“All better now, sweetie?” Seokjin asks softly and takes comfort in the silent nod. He shuts his eyes and relaxes fully next to his younger brother, he’s only been in caregiver mode for less than 20 minutes and he’s already drained.

It’s fifteen or so minutes later and the Spongebob marathon is still running, Yoongi engrossed fully and happily, only gasping when a commercial interruption occurs. But he knows now that the show will come back, Seokjin promised.

Jimin walks into the quiet room, aside from the TV, and notices Seokjin sleeping soundly and Yoongi, who is sitting criss-cross on the rug right in front of the TV. Jimin creases his brow and tilts his head in confusion. He plops onto the couch next to Seokjin, who shifts away with a hum and makes himself comfortable on the arm of the couch.

“Hyung, don’t sit too close or you’ll hurt your eyes,” Jimin comments, taking interest in his phone and opening Twitter.

Yoongi whines but gets up begrudgingly. He takes a seat on the rug with his back against the foot of the couch right in front of Jimin.

“Wanna do something else? I’m bored,” Jimin groans and drops his phone onto his stomach with a small plop. “I think Dragun Ball is on…” Jimin reaches for the remote and opens the guide to see if it’s on.

“No!” Yoongi turns around and glares at Jimin. “Stop.”

Jimin is taken back by the loud demand and glances to see if Seokjin woke up. “I’m just checking to see-”

“

I’m

watching,” Yoongi possessively tells Jimin, frowning and daring the other to change the channel.

Jimin is confused, Yoongi’s never behaved this way before. And his cartoon is still playing in the upper corner of the screen...Jimin’s eyes grow, remembering Hoseok walking into the bathroom grumbling about how Seokjin always orders people around. He also said Yoongi picks favorites. Does that mean he could be in…?

Jimin minimizes the guide and lets Spongebob take the full screen back.

“Yoongi hyung…are you...?” Jimin is tentative and decides not to ruin the moment by asking such an obvious question. “Are you hungry? I think it’s snack time.” Jimin checks his phone and nods his head.

“Snack?” Yoongi looks away from the TV and looks up to Jimin with wide eyes.

“Yeah, snack time. C’mon, lets go get something yummy,” Jimin gets up from the couch and smiles when Yoongi easily follows.

Yoongi’s stomach growls when they enter the kitchen and Jimin chuckles when he hears the other shushing himself.

“I know,” Yoongi whispers to his stomach.

Jimin opens the fridge and takes out a bag of grapes and a small plastic carton of blueberries, then lets the fridge close with a small push. He grabs a peach from the fruit bowl and begins washing them.

“Some mixed fruit sounds yummy, doesn’t it?” Jimin smiles at Yoongi who nods his head.

“Namjoon-ah! Where did you put the mirror cleaner? Oh! Hey guys, have you seen Namjoon-ah?” Hoseok asks, reaching over and popping a grape into his mouth.

“I haven’t seen him since breakfast, he’s probably cleaning his studio,” Jimin tells him.

“Uncle Hobi is so tired of looking,” Hoseok coos.

“Why are you talking to him like that?” Jimin cringes and puts the cut up peach into a bowl with the other fruits.

“Jin hyung says it’s annoying but I’m just trying to get that little cutie to come out and play,” Hoseok acts cutesy and pokes at Yoongi’s stomach, making him pull away and frown.

“Stop teasing him,” Jimin defends.

“Wait, is he already in Little Space right now?” Hoseok grows serious and looks at Jimin for confirmation.

“Yeah,” Jimin answers.

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?” Hoseok whines.

“Stop talking about me as if I’m not here,” Yoongi walks out of the kitchen walks back upstairs.

“Really?” Jimin shoots an annoyed look at Hoseok before chasing after Yoongi with the bowl of fruit.

Hoseok stays behind in the kitchen, guilty for ruining, yet again, another moment. He hears Spongebob laughing faintly from the living room and hates how it sounds mocking.

“Wait,” Jimin catches the door before it closes and places his hand on the wood. “Even if you aren’t Little, you should still eat.”

Jimin pushes the bowl through the small opening and waits for Yoongi to take it.

“Thanks, Jiminie, but I’m just gonna take a nap,” Yoongi pushes the bowl back and gently closes the door.

Jimin opens his mouth, about to argue, but thinks better of it. Yoongi will just ignore him, it’s one of his greatest talents, so he might as well stop while he’s ahead.

Yoongi slides into his bed with a sigh. Why does Hoseok like Little Yoongi more that his normal self? It’s like ever since he found out, he’s only been trying to play with his Little Space only. Who would’ve thought he’d beg for the days Hoseok bugged him about ‘Sope’ rather than Little Space. Does he not want to hang out with him just as he is? Maybe it’s because he’s been so overly emotional lately. Hoseok is definitely one of the manliest ones of the group, he won’t even get his ears pierced. He’s most likely fed up with all his crying.

“Fuck!” Yoongi pulls his hair when he feels the need to cry from just

thinking

about how emotional he’s been. “Man up!” He pulls and tugs his hair until he no longer wants to cry, until his scalp is tender and sore.

He lays on his back and sighs even heavier. This is so stupid. His fingernails would’ve drawn blood from pressing against his palm if he hadn’t already chewed them off. Another thing Hoseok’s been ignoring. He was the one who always kept his bad habit in check, but now he’s...

baby blinded

or something and can’t even pay attention to anything but Little Yoongi.

Yoongi tosses and turns with frustration. How is he even supposed to nap now? His mind won’t stop going from one thought to the next, plus he’s getting angry. He picks up his phone and goes onto Twitter, hoping to tire his eyes out - even though they already burn with exhaustion.

“Hm?” Yoongi hums with interest.

People are talking about his legs,

again

? He’s already disclosed it’s something he’s insecure about and they’ve stopped since, so maybe it’s the newer fans who brought it back up.

‘I would love to sit on his lap, but I’m sure I’ll break him in half XD RIP’

‘I’m so scared that one day he’ll do a jump on stage and just break his legs ghksbbjkgs’

‘Omg they’re like toothpicks!’

‘Does he EAT!? Dear god his legs look like they didn’t graduate middle school! :(‘

‘Look at him sitting next to Jimin lol’

‘Can I take him to mcdonalds? I’m so worried about his health. Please take care of yourself Suga hyung!’

‘I’m so jealous TT it’s not fair! How can he be so gorgeous?’

‘I thought those were girl legs lol no homo but I would totally f-’

Yoongi shuts off his phone and puts it in his nightstand drawer. He misses when no one knew him and he didn’t have to deal with the whole world judging him. Even if his parents gave him nothing but anxiety attacks, there were moments when he couldn’t remember the pain and only smiled in their love. And that love was sometimes so big, it outweighed everything they ever said, ever did, ever denied. Even if they bullied his dreams, threw away his first songs, didn’t show up to his first performance even if them being there only would’ve made him more nervous. Jun Ki always reminded him that they only did those things because they love him and wanted him to grow into a man to be respected. But did they think he wanted to grow up to be trash? It was the lack of support that stained their relationship. But ‘blood is thicker than water’ as the saying goes. However, like blood, it doesn’t wash out. Water, on the other hand, water doesn’t stain, no matter how much is poured onto him. Water can’t hurt him like Blood can. Water comes and goes like an ocean tide. He can’t live without either, yet he’s only thankful for one. His friends are more of a family than he’s ever had, yet he misses his family so painfully. Being without Blood for so long is no way to live, no water how much water he tries to drink.

Even if he’ll get into a dispute the second he walks through the front door, it’ll be at his

home.

He especially misses Jun Ki, so, so much. When his parents were hard on him or punished him, his brother was always there to make sure he knew he was loved. He never guaranteed happiness, but he promised love and he’s never broken that promise. Seokjin reminds him a lot of his brother, maybe that’s why it’s so easy to fall so deeply around him. Seokjin equally cares about him as a Little and when he’s Big, not something he can say about Hoseok.

He reaches for his bear and hugs it tightly, the smell relaxing him gently. He needs someone to cuddle with.

He finds himself in front of Jungkook’s bedroom door, bear in his arms, video game shooting muffled but clearly loud, light flashing under the crack of the door, and Yoongi’s quiet knockings echoing in the hallway.

“Kook, open up,” Yoongi hollars when the knocks don’t seem to work. He wanted to be formal about it and be invited in, but it seems like the maknae is absorbed in his game ‘practice’.

He sighs, holds his bear tighter, and opens the door. All the lights are off, the only light coming from the TV screen and Jungkook has his headset on. It makes sense why he didn’t hear him. It’s kind of a relief knowing the younger wasn’t ignoring him. He pokes at Jungkook’s shoulder, making the latter jump a little but smiling when he sees the bear first then leading up to his hyung.

He pulls one earmuff away from his ear while keeping his eyes on the screen.

“Hey, hyung, what’s up?” Someone in the headset must’ve asked who he was talking to because he promptly clarifies. “No, I’m talking to someone else.”

Yoongi thinks he’s caught Jungkook at a bad time and bites his lip.

“Um…” Why is he so shy?

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook turns away from the screen and gives Yoongi his full attention. “Are you okay?”

By now, the game is completely forgotten, as well as the headset that lays on the floor, as Jungkook grabs one of Yoongi’s hands.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt...If you’re busy, I can come back,” Yoongi pulls his hand away and looks down.

“It’s fine, I was getting tired anyways,” Jungkook spins back in his chair and shuts the game off without even telling his friends. Right now his hyung needs him more. “See? All done. So tell me what’s wrong.”

Yoongi feels guilty, it’s obvious the younger can play video games all day without even thinking about sleep, he’s only stopping because of Yoongi’s obviously upset. He’d feel even guiltier if he didn’t tell him why he showed up and stole his attention even more though.

“I just wanted to see if you...if you wanna, um,” His heart is beating so fast, his ears twitch and heat up. He feels sweat bead under his bangs. He hates being so needy and vulnerable. “C-Can I take a nap here?”

It isn’t what he wants to ask, and he feels stupid for not being able to just come out with it.

“Oh, sure!” Jungkook exclaims. “I haven’t made my bed but you can sleep under the covers if you want, I don’t care.”

Yoongi sags with a pout when Jungkook turns back around and picks up his headset from the floor and remote before setting them on his desk. Is he really that dense that he doesn’t see how Yoongi clearly intended something else?

“I meant with- with you,” Yoongi forces out quickly.

Jungkook stops what he’s doing and turns around skeptically. He tilts his head and takes in Yoongi’s appearance for the first time. His hair's a mess, eyes tired, body hunched, and his arms are holding his bear tighter than normal.

“Are you in Little Space?” Jungkook asks curiously.

“No…” Yoongi feels a little disappointed at that, as if Jungkook would also rather be with Little Yoongi. “Can’t it be just...just normal me? I’m really tired, Kook. Let’s take a nap.”

“You mean like...cuddle?” Jungkook asks, a smile growing on his face at Yoongi’s awkward suspense.

“

Yah

never mind!” Yoongi turns away and walks to the bed by himself.

It’s a little over a minute before he feels a dip behind him followed by Jungkook’s muscular arms surrounding him.

“If you wanted to cuddle, hyung, all you had to do was ask,” Yoongi can hear the smug in his voice and rolls his eyes half heartedly. “You even brought your bear, how could I not have known?”

Yoongi stays silent, embarrassed at how Jungkook always feels the need to baby him. He knows the younger enjoys every second of it, and only gets more satisfaction out of Yoong’s reactions, so he opts to close his eyes and stay silent.

“I’m gonna call it ‘Lil’ Kook’, because it smells like me and it was stronger looking than the other animals around it,” Jungkook thinks back to when he bought it and how his eyes instantly targeted on the sturdy looking stuffed bear.

“No, his name i-” Yoongi stops himself from further embarrassing himself.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Jungkook was only joking, he didn’t actually think Yoongi already named it, let alone assigned a gender. “What’s his name?”

Yoongi sighs and straightens the red bow on his bear.

“Brownies…” Yoongi mumbles.

Jungkook bites his lip to stop himself from laughing. That’s gotta be the cutest thing Yoongi has ever admitted. He only pulls Yoongi closer to his chest and props his chin on top of the short male’s head.

“That’s really cute. I like that name,” Jungkook tries to keep any mockery out of his voice and closes his eyes. “Alright, go to sleep.”

Friendship is Water, and right now he’s drinking more than he can handle. Family is Blood, yet he’s never craved them. Not until now.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

It’s all because he took one single nap with the poor boy when all this started. He’s not entirely mad at it, in fact he’s a smidge excited. See, Yoongi and Jungkook have a secret now, and they’re currently conducting ‘research’ and ‘testing’.

Jungkook noticed that whenever Yoongi was in Little Space, he’d spill- or almost spill- his drinks on himself or onto whatever he’s next to; be it a person or chair. Yoongi is more than capable of drinking water from a cup, but maybe Little Yoongi isn’t. He brought it up one afternoon while they were (not) cuddling,
Yoongi’s nap schedule in progress. Yoongi brushed it off and just said he feels a little uncoordinated when in Little Space but he’ll work on it. Jungkook began thinking of possible solutions because honestly, getting cold water spilled over his back isn’t something he wants to experience again. His hyung doesn’t seem to regress to a baby and he’s quite productive in Little Space, so that could mean he’s more like a young kid or toddler most times.

“Do you want a sippy cup?” Jungkook asks through the quiet room.

He feels Yoongi stiffen and hopes he hasn’t overstepped his bounds. He soothes over his hair and doesn’t push the question further.

The following day, Yoongi walks into Jungkook’s room after knocking once. It’s routine now, and the younger boy is always ready to wrap up any projects he’s working on.

“Ah Yoongi-ah, you should change your shirt,” Jungkook pulls his arm away and sits up on the bed. “Why is your chest all wet?”

Normally, Yoongi would sneer at the lack of title, but the little shit does it all the time and he’s a bit lenient when it comes to Jungkook. And to be quite frank, he could care less, especially right now while he’s warm and comfortable.

“Wa’wa spilled on me,” Yoongi pouts and lifts the cold shirt away from his chest. “S’okay, though Kookie.”

“You spilled your water?” Jungkook wants to clarify that ‘wa’wa’ is indeed,

water

.

“Yeah,” Yoongi is focused on Brownies and doesn’t pay mind to Jungkook’s small chuckle.

He hasn’t been in Little Space during any of the times they’ve napped together, so this could mean he’s needing extra attention and comfort, and Jungkook worries that he’s hiding a problem from them instead of asking for help. He’s always pretending to be strong when he doesn’t have to, not around them at least.

“Okay, well no cuddles until you’re all dried up,” Jungkook gets up from the bed and retrieves a white shirt from his closet. “C’mon, sit up so I can change your shirt.”

“I can do it!” Yoongi pouts, and grabs for the shirt. “I’m big boy.”

Jungkook lets him put it on by himself, smiling the entire time at the uncoordinated movements.

“See,” Yoongi proudly shows off his hard work and lays back onto the bed, waiting for Jungkook to give him cuddles now. He doesn’t mention how the shirt is backwards while he lays down, opting to pull the smaller boy close to his heart.

“Yep, I guess you

are

a big boy,” Jungkook sounds like his has more to say, making Yoongi push out of the hold to look up at him with scowling eyes.

“I

am,

” Yoongi sounds 100% certain of himself.

“Then why’d you spill your

wa’wa

all over you, huh ‘big boy’,” Jungkook’s smug reply makes Yoongi close his mouth and glare. Jungkook is one of the only boys in the group who still somewhat treats him the same as he would when he’s older. Yoongi finds appreciation at the sense of normality. “Seems to me you’re still a baby.”

“Nuh-uh,” Yoongi denies, albeit lacking conviction.

“It’s okay to be little,” Jungkook’s encouragement makes Yoongi’s face perk up a bit. “Y’know, Taehyung and I use sippy cups backstage sometimes, I’m sure you’ll still look like a big boy. Just a...

dry

, big boy.”

“You won’ make fun of me?” Jungkook wonders how Yoongi could even think that they would. They’re going to have to help instill more confidence in their amazing hyung.

“Of course not,” Jungkook tightly embraces him and feels the tension ease but a little.

And that’s how nap time also became their little chat time. Yoongi felt safe talking about things he liked as a Little, and the things he wishes they had, because Jungkook doesn’t baby him or make him feel mocked or stupid. Instead, Jungkook jots them down with a serious look on his face like the one he uses when editing videos. He also makes sure they order it as soon as possible. So far, the list is: a sippy cup, colouring supplies, storybooks, a soft blanket, pillow forts (a very high demand), and bubbles. ‘Plushies’ used to be on the list, but Yoongi grew sad for a moment and told Jungkook to erase it. The maknae made a mental note to ask why he doesn’t want anymore stuffed animals.

“That one!” Yoongi sits atop Jungkook’s lap as they browse the internet for sippy cups.

Jungkook offered to just go to the store, however Yoongi made it clear that there can be absolutely no way anyone outside of the boys can know about this. Even if they don’t link it back to Yoongi, what if people speculate one of them got a girl pregnant and now have a secret love child? That honestly might be worse. Still, he wants zero risks.

Yoongi points at the screen, jabbing it lightly. Jungkook gently pulls his hand away to see the black sippy cup with stars on it.

“That one looks cute, nice pick,” Jungkook adds it to the virtual cart. “Do you want another one?”

Yoongi hums in thought before shaking his head. “I wanna try it first,” Yoongi decides.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Jungkook nods in understanding. “So should we look at-”

“Ooo!” Yoongi jolts suddenly and pokes the screen again, smearing whatever oil residue he has onto the otherwise clean screen.

Normally, Jungkook would be bothered and say how he’s getting the screen all dirty and could possibly mess it up from poking so harshly, but Yoongi is Little and they’re having too much of a good time for him to ruin it with a scolding.

Jungkook pulls his finger away from the screen and widens his eyes in surprise.

“That’s a pacifier, Yoongi-ah,” Jungkook states.

Yoongi, even in his Little Headspace, rolls his eyes. “I know. I wan’it.”

Jungkook looks at the age restriction and shakes his head. “We’d have to get one specially made-”

“No! I want

that

one!” Yoongi jabs the screen again, poking the cute puppy on the pacifier shield’s button. “Puppy!”

“I know, Yoongi, but it could mess up your teeth if it isn’t made for your age,” Jungkook hops his knee a bit, trying to make Yoongi not so upset.

His mind tells him Jungkook is absolutely correct, the Big part of him knowing and

fearing

the possible complications with his teeth that could even result in shifting them. However, the fact that he

can’t

have it because he’s actually an adult, and not a child who can enjoy the relief of not having to worry about these things makes him teary-eyed. Even while in Little Space, there’s a point where he must face reality.

“Puppy…” Yoongi sniffles and leans back against Jungkook’s chest and rests his head on the maknae’s toned shoulder. He doesn’t feel like shopping anymore.

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook is at a loss, he’s not very good with emotions himself, let alone other people’s. Plus, he’s never had a younger sibling to have to disappoint before, how does he make things better?

He starts when a knock at his door fills the room’s sad silence.

“One second!” Jungkook calls out. “Yoongi-ah, can I let them in?” He knows the older boy only comes to his room whenever he seeks escape from the others, but he really needs a scapegoat out of the tension.

Yoongi shrugs, not even bothering to lift his head as he leans against Jungkook defeated. The maknae sighs and rubs Yoongi’s arm in hopeful comfort.

“Come in!” Jungkook looks to see Hoseok open the door a bit to see why it was taking so long and sees an upset Yoongi.

He opens the door fully and bounds over to the smaller boy sitting on Jungkook.

“What’s wrong?” Hoseok is clearly concerned, and it only makes Yoongi sniffle more.

“I wan’ puppy but I’m too big,” Yoongi murmurs, looking at his fingers twiddle with one another.

Hoseok tilts his head in confusion before looking to Jungkook for an interpretation.

“He wants this pacifier, but it’s only made for zero to six month olds, and Yoongi isn-...” Jungkook stops when he sees Yoongi wipe his teary eye, refusing to let any fall. “His teeth could get messed up.”

Hoseok sees the problem and feels bad for their Little boy. He lifts Yoongi’s hands into his own and rubs the backs with his thumbs.

“I’m sorry, sunshine. I know you really like the puppy, but we’ll find something, I’m sure there’s one just for you,” Hoseok squeezes Yoongi’s hands and smiles brightly, confidently.

Yoongi nods his head and tries to blink any remaining wetness. “M’kay,” He mumbles, not believing them but just wanting the moment to end.

“I actually came by because I wanted to know if you wanted to help make dinner,” Hoseok looks up to Jungkook, but doesn’t forget about still giving Yoongi attention. He gently massages his hands and offers a bright smile while Jungkook speaks.

“Sure, what are we having?” The maknae asks.

“BBQ. We’re cooking outside tonight,” Hoseok tells him.

“Hmm, yeah okay. Sounds good,” Jungkook purses his lips and nods his head.

“Do you wanna help Un-,” Hoseok stops himself before continuing. “You can help out if you want, or you can go play with Jiminie. He’s going to the park with Taehyungie.”

Yoongi doesn’t miss the brief look of sadness when Hoseok quickly redirects what he says. He may be in Little Space, but he still remembers Hoseok’s want to be called ‘Uncle Hobi’. It’s been three days since he’s rejected him and Yoongi feels guilty for being so rude, plus he caused Seokjin to make Hoseok leave when really it was just fine. Even if Hoseok might prefer Little Yoongi over him being Big, that doesn’t mean he has to ignore him entirely. It’s understandable, really. Yoongi outside of Little Space is silent, moody, intimidating, and no one wants to play or mess with him. Yoongi

within

Little Space is like this whole new world. They dote on him, cuddle him, treat him so well, even give him freaking hand massages!

Yoongi pulls out of Hoseok’s warm grasp, not feeling worthy of such gentle affection. The latter seems hurt before he stands back up, he offers one last smile before parting.

“I’ll prep with Jin hyung, just...come out whenever you’re ready,” Hoseok closes the door on his eyes out.

“D’you wanna go to the park with the others?” Jungkook asks, not sensing the awkwardness at all.

“Huh?” Yoongi doesn’t even recall slipping out of Little Space, perhaps it was the guilt that forced him out. “N-no, I’ll stay here.”

-

Hoseok walks up behind Yoongi, who’s about to get a second plate of food.

“Yoongi hyung, can we talk?” Hoseok doesn’t look good with that expression, Yoongi decides. It’s too solemn.

“Um, yeah,” Yoongi puts the unfinished plate down and his hands in his pockets before he follows the other back inside. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

“I just wanted to apologize,” Hoseok sighs deeply. “If I made things awkward I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say something I shouldn’t and I definitely shouldn’t have tried to make you go into Little Space, that was wrong of me. I promise to stop calling myself your uncle and to stop teasing you..”

Yoongi hates all of this. Hoseok shouldn’t look sad, that’s not okay. He’s

J-hope

. The sun. This is all his fault, if Yoongi didn’t always have to be so

selfish

, then this wouldn’t be happening.

“You...Okay,” Yoongi isn’t good at this, even if he’s guilt stricken, he still has to be prideful.

“So, you forgive me?” Hoseok looks nervous, Yoongi feels like he’s going to be sick.

“Yeah,” Yoongi clips.

“Can I ask you something then?” Hoseok still doesn’t seem satisfied so Yoongi accepts one free question.

“Why don’t you want to be Little with me?” Yoongi flinches at the hurt radiating off his friend. “You always seem so comfortable with everyone else, but every time I come around you act like I’m the plague.”

He had no idea that’s how Hoseok saw his behavior. In comparison, Yoongi thought he was being subtle. The fact that Hoseok has been pretending to be happy these past three days sends a painful stab toward his heart and a deadweight to his stomach.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel that way,” Yoongi curses at himself for not being good with this stuff.

“Just tell me the truth, hyung. Why don’t you like me?” Hoseok looks close to tears, triggering Yoongi’s anxiety. How does he make it stop before it begins?

He didn’t mean to start any of this, and he definitely didn’t mean to cause Hoseok pain. That feeling of not being wanted isn’t something he wants any of them to ever experience. He feels backed into a corner, blame being thrown at him from every direction, however he knows he deserves it. And yet, he’s not the victim, Hoseok is. Yoongi should’ve told him how he felt from the very start, not let it rot under the rug.

“I like you, I do,” Yoongi needs to state that first. He can’t have Hoseok thinking he hates him. That’s...that’s a sickening feeling. “I guess I’ve been reluctant to be Little with you because...because I want you to like

me.”

Hoseok looks confused. “I

do

like you.”

Yoongi groans. “No, I mean...I mean I want you to like me more than Little me…”

Hoseok still doesn’t quite understand what Yoongi’s trying to get at. Him and Little him are the same him.

“What are you trying to say?” Hoseok asks.

“This is so frustrating,” Yoongi groans again. This will be the third time he’s had to open his emotions

while

in his normal Headspace, with his own free will. “I always feel like you’d rather be with Little me than me, me. Like you prefer Little Space more than me.”

Hoseok’s eyes widen at the presumption, his mouth agape.

“How could you even think that for a second?” Hoseok looks beyond stunned. “Do you wanna know why I’m

especially

sad you’ve been ignoring me? Because I miss my

friend

, not your Little Space. I’ve never really met him in order to even form an honest opinion. The only real talk we had was this afternoon before dinner, but I could tell you still weren’t connecting with me. You were reluctant to. You promised we’d do a Sope episode once we got off tour, and I’m still waiting. I appreciate everything about you, and that includes Little Space, too. But you

aren’t

‘Little Yoongi’ and you

aren’t

‘Big Yoongi’, you’re ‘Yoongi’. And

that’s

the person I want to spend time with, in however way you’d like to spend it.”

Yoongi can’t really compete with words, so he goes in for a hug hopes it transcends anything he could’ve said.

“I...I appreciate you, too,” Yoongi feels himself blush, so he hides his face further in Hoseok’s shoulder.

“Can we go back to normal now?” Hoseok asks, breaking the hug and smiling at Yoongi’s blushed face.

“Yeah,” Yoongi looks in his eyes for less than a second before staring at his shoulder instead.

“You’re cute, stop being embarrassed,” Hoseok pushes his shoulder teasingly and opens the backyard door. He gestures for Yoongi to exit first, so he does.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

It’s an odd sensation, Yoongi thinks as he lays in bed. Everyone is aware of how he behaves in Little Space, they all have seen him, interacted with him, and even witnessed some of the moments he can only half remember. The perplexing feeling is like waking up from a dream, and each time he forgets what he’s done only to remember the harder he thinks and the vague imagery rushes over him in warm pools of embarrassment. In the progression of uncovering what transpired, the mortification caused by those childish actions paints a rosy pink from his chest up to his ears,and hides himself from the others until he’s grown courageous again.

At the moment, Seokjin, Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook have seen him regress to his youngest state of mind, and age yet to be determined but most likely that of a toddler. Even if Jimin witnesses the regression, Yoongi never seems to choose him as a play partner and it’s caused a growing distress within the young dancer. Namjoon is a different story; he’s the definition of a powerful leader in all aspects minus one: taking care of kids. He was so eager in the beginning to be Yoongi’s caregiver, practically begging, now that the chance presents itself Yoongi grows tense when Namjoon nears. He’s klutzy, spills Yoongi’s water more than he can think possible, overcooks his smiley french fries because Namjoon prefers them crunchier, and ties his shoelaces insanely tight. He swore there were bruises on his feet, but he’d never tell Namjoon that. This leaves Hoseok, forgiveness considered, there is still a slight tension that will only go away with time. Yoongi wishes Hoseok would stop hesitating before speaking to him or interacting with him, but he supposes it’s better than where they were.

Today is a special, yet worrisome, day for everyone; Jimin has been asking to take Yoongi to the park for the entire week, Taehyung not too far behind backing him up. Yoongi had one rule he wanted to stick to: no risking being caught. Going to a public park greatly goes against that rule, even so, he can’t deny the excitement bubbling inside. As much as he enjoys the company of the six boys, there’s not much a Little can do in their vast apartment and the items Jungkook ordered have yet to arrive. The backyard was fun in the beginning, dancing wildly and laughing with the boys, but it soon grew tiring and Yoongi doesn’t like swimming much so there’s nothing else to do. Which gave Jimin’s argument weight. The park has swings, a merry go round, sand, a small rock climbing wall, animals on giant springs that boing madly when you sit on them. Jimin knows for a fact that there’s something Yoongi would find amusing there and he really wants to earn the title of being the fun one before Hoseok does.

Yoongi wants to say it’s too dangerous to be out in public while in Little Space, but he’s dying of boredom and finds it harder to see how that one pesky rule is so important. It isn’t as if they act normal in public anyways, so maybe no one will think anything is off. School has also resumed so all the kids should be in class and not at the playground, nor should there be any adults who are trapped at work. He appreciates Jimin’s kindness in wanting to provide a fun environment, but he’s mad that everyone gave into Jimin’s begging so quickly, and without asking Yoongi first. He hates going out, and it’s going to be hot.

“Where’s the sunscreen?” Yoongi can hear Taehyung’s bass-filled voice from all the way upstairs.

“Ughhhh,” Yoongi moans before attempting to sit up before falling back onto his pillow.

A knock echoes in the otherwise silent room, if not for the slow ticking of his night stand clock, making him creak open his eyes and elicit another gravely groan passed his chapped and overlicked lips.

“Are you almost ready?” It’s Namjoon and Yoongi can just tell he’s looking at his phone to check the time. Always one to be punctual, even on their off days. He’s used to routine at this point - all of them are, really. It’s hard to come by days like these where they can all go to the park with absolutely no goal in mind, no schedule to constantly be in observance of, and no cameras to make them feel like the have no choice but to be on their best behavior. “C’mon, Jimin won’t stop bugging me. Dress comfortably, it’s kind of warm.”

“Great,” Yoongi mutters under his breath. “Okay,” Yoongi calls just a little louder for Namjoon to hear.

He knew the weather was hot simply by looking out the slits of his tightly shut blinds and to the bright, clear sky. Dressing comfortably for himself is wearing his black, long sleeve mastermind shirt with black skinny jeans, though he knows this isn’t what Namjoon meant. Maybe he’ll put on a bucket hat too so he won’t get a tan. He grabs his Shooky fan and takes one last look in the mirror.

Everyone locks eyes on Yoongi when he walks into the front room with a ‘you’re wearing

that?’

expression. Yoongi quickly juts his eyebrow up and down in challenge.

“Don’t you want to wear something more...comfortable?” Jimin smiles tentatively. “It might get too hot wearing that and you don’t want to be all sweaty.”

“I don’t like going outside,” Yoongi answers and tugs on his sleeve, further covering his pale hand.

Namjoon notices Jimin’s slight deflated countenance and jumps to save the moment.

“But we’re gonna have fun, bubba, let’s go put on something else,” Namjoon gets up from the couch and guides Yoongi back upstairs.

Yoongi’s nose scrunches at the name ‘bubba’, though he let’s the younger boy take him back to his room without complaint.

Yoongi sits on the edge of his bed and watches Namjoon rummage through his wardrobe, lifting and moving all the black articles out of the way. At the very bottom, he finds a very old shirt from a jacket shoot they did a long time ago. It’s the soft pink ‘Mini Capsule Mode’ t-shirt. Namjoon smiles and holds it up for Yoongi. His gaze is turned away and he crosses his arms.

“I don’t know why I have that. Someone must’ve put it there,” Yoongi doesn’t sound all too convincing, even to his own ears which are probably burning with blush. He only kept it because the stylists insisted it looked good with his fair complexion.

“I remember you telling me that you liked it,” Namjoon says without missing a beat. “Let’s wear it today.”

Yoongi pouts but doesn’t fight the decision because it honestly feels nice having someone pick his clothes and help him put his head and arms through the shirt holes. When it’s over, he ducks his head and smiles shyly but clearly likes the soft cotton shirt, instantly feeling less warm.

“Wanna put on some shorts, too?” Namjoon asks, already looking through his closet.

“No...I don’t, I don’t really want to,” Yoongi doesn’t feel confident enough today.

Namjoon immediately stops rifling upon hearing the discomfort. He turns to Yoongi with an unbothered smile and gestures for Yoongi to follow him out the room.

“Alright, then,” Namjoon pats his back. “Maybe after the park we can come home and get all comfy.” He knows Yoongi rarely wears shorts, and whenever he does it’s almost a shock to his mind when he sees how slim his legs still are. They look better than when they first debuted, a constant worry to Namjoon’s daily list, but they still could use some meat.

His prediction, as always, is correct. It is, in fact, hot and sunny. He’s thankful for the pleasant chill of the breeze that swiftly travels up his shirt sleeve, and stores his Shooky fan secretly into Seokjin’s backpack.

He’s never really been to the park, at least not the playground part. He’ll go for walks at night with someone if he’s really agitated, but that hasn’t happened in a while so coming here is reminiscent in that way. The playground is rather large, maybe especially through the eyes of a child. Yoongi smiles because there’s a mesh canopy that covers over the entire playground, casting everything in a slight, filtered shade. His smiles quickly fades upon realizing that he’s not in Little Space and

everyone

is here at once, his shoulders hunch and he lowers his head. It’s different if it’s just one or two, but all six of them are here and they came for only one reason.

He follows the rest of them, more tense than when they left, toward the tables to set there things down. Taehyung takes out a small WiFi radio and connects it to his phone, instantly turning on a shuffle of their favorite songs - some of their own included. It was a pleasant distraction to watch the younger boy fiddle with the speaker for a few minutes, but now everyone is turning toward him and he knows what they want.

Jimin smiles and tries to take Yoongi’s hand. “Okay let’s-”

“I can’t,” Yoongi murmurs quietly and moves his hand away.

“Huh? Why not?” Jimin looks to the others and back to Yoongi. He gently places his hand on the other boy’s back, pleased he doesn’t fight it this time, and leads him to the swings.

“Jiminie,” Yoongi whines.

“Humor me,” Jimin turns back to the the group with a smile then gives Yoongi his attention. He presents the swing gracefully, waiting patiently for Yoongi to take a seat.

Yoongi looks over his shoulder back toward the group and they’re all smiling at him, nodding their heads like a bunch of overly supportive parents who like making their socially awkward child play with the neighbors. He turns back and sighs, giving in and taking a seat. Jimin smiles warm and encouraging and slowly begins pushing Yoongi gently.

“You’re too tense, it’s just a swing,” Jimin continues to slowly pick up a nice, languid swinging motion. “Isn’t it fun? Relaxing?”

“Mmhmm,” Yoongi knows he’s tense. Everyone is watching him, expecting him to do something childish. It’s like watching him go to the bathroom, this feels intrusive.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Jimin stops the gentle swinging and bends down to match Yoongi’s level.

Yoongi shrugs, looking away with a pout.

“I can’t help you if you don’t use your words,” Jimin lays his hand over Yoongi’s, who’s still holding onto the swing’s chain.

“...Everyone’s watching…” Yoongi mumbles.

Jimin turns around and everyone looks away mock-casually. With a sigh, Jimin resumes swinging Yoongi.

“You don’t have to be in Little Space to relax, y’know,” Jimin says looking off into the sky beyond the canopy. It’s a pretty, somewhat cloudy day. “Just be yourself and forget about what we have to do tomorrow or where we have to be. I learned from you and Jin hyung that happiness is living in the moment, not stressing over an uncontrollably future. Let it be and live now.”

He speaks highly whenever other’s need the encouragement and heartlift, Yoongi can speak so many uplifting words and hold such wisdom and yet he can’t find it in himself to listen to what he tells others. Even on their days of supposed rest, they’re still sought out for interviews and special appearances. They love it, no doubt about it, and they’d much rather be doing something than sit around all day, but there does come a point where they need a day or two of unwinding. It’s only healthy and needed, however they feel invincible whenever their fans call their names. Yoongi would agree wholeheartedly, Jimin knows that without question, but he also know that Yoongi has less invincibility than the rest of the them. Meaning, he’s told them that he’s ready for the long resting period, whenever it may happen, and that he’s not scared of when their journey ends. He’s only ever wanted to write music and produce for others, it would make sense if he doesn’t miss the glamour of the stage as much as the others.

“You can probably even get away with not speaking during the interviews,” Jimin smiles. “If Namjoon hyung lets you.”

Yoongi simply listens to Jimin’s quiet rambling with closed eyes. His fingers tighten their grip whenever he feels his body sway forward and back too far before loosening to ride the swing relaxed. Leaves in the near distance pitter-patter over the sidewalk in waves of small circles before that same gust swivels around him,
making him shiver only slightly, comfortably, because the sun is warm as it bleeds through the mesh canopy overhead. It is enjoyable, to not think of what needs to happen, what responsibilities he needs to carry out; it’s relaxing to breathe in the nature and fresh air, knowing that if he fell Jimin would catch him. He smiles at Jimin’s nonstop ramblings that come in go with renewed enthusiasm and passion when a new topic enters his mind, the younger boy never running out of things to talk about.

He can hear Taehyung and Jungkook laughing, that same laugh they do whenever they’re being mischievous or playful. They must be playing tag if the sound of harsh and fast footfalls is anything to go by. He doesn’t have an urge to open his eyes and check, he’s too comforted by the peace and drowsiness that hugs him. In all honesty, he’s exhausted and feels like he can pass out any second. It’s a good relaxing moment, the sound of the swing creaking and whining but in a rhythm that’s almost hypnotic and calming. His head drops forward, forcing his eyes to open out of fear of falling.

“Are you falling asleep?” Jimin laughs at Yoongi’s soft appearance, blinking sluggishly and slightly pouting.

“I don’t know why I’m so tired,” Yoongi blinks hard before widening his eyes to get rid of the sleepy feeling. “Why am I so tired?”

“We can put a blanket on the grass and lay down, I can read a book if you want,” Jimin brings the swing back to a halt..

Yes, he’d enjoy that very much; the sound of Jimin’s soft voice lulling him to restful sleep under a shady tree. So he nods and looks expectantly at Jimin, who smiles back with crescent eyes and softly pink cheeks. Yoongi wants to go back to that mindless peace not too long ago, but he’s beginning to grow irritated with himself for not being able to go into Little Space where that feeling could potentially become even more amplified. Or maybe that’s not even the bulk of it, maybe he’s irritated because he

still

has to constantly remind himself that they’re more than just his friends and he can trust them. They’ve been nothing but caring, even if they do have their hiccups every so often, but that’s normal and forgivable when he himself is learning how to approach this.

Yoongi doesn’t pay attention when Jimin begins to read, instead he listens to the world around his very small space. He closes his eyes and breathes deeply, settling further on Jimin’s chest where they comfortably lay, the chilling grass under the blanket no longer giving him trouble. There’s a small breeze that chills his face and arms, that toys with the pages of the book and causes the page to flip. The breeze only grows stronger the further up, making the trees overhead rustle and sway to the right; the leaves scrape and scratch the ground in small circular patterns across the vacant park. Then laughter echoes in the distance, as well as a conversation that bores him the second he tries to hear more. He crinkles his nose and looks at his surrounding with curiosity, trying to find something to peak his interest. His mouth parts as he gazes in the large, green tree overhead, watching two birds with interest.

“Hyung?” Jimin tries to gain his attention. “Yoongi~ hyung.”

“Mm!” Yoongi points to the tree above and waits for Jimin to respond, to praise him for his findings.

Jimin looks up for a brief moment and half expected one of the boys to be sneaking up on them but is met with nothing. “What’s wrong?” He wants to sound concerned, to look worried at Yoongi’s sudden gasp and jolted movement, but he smiles instead because Yoongi let himself slip.

“Birds!” Yoongi’s eyes grow in fascination at what the birds are doing and he lowers his hand back down to grip Jimin’s shirt instead. “Wha’s it doing?”

“The mama bird is feeding the baby bird,” Jimin brushes Yoongi’s bangs away from his eyes so he can gaze unhindered.

Yoongi seems satisfied with that answer and goes back to laying his head on Jimin’s chest.

Jimin is about to continue where they left off, when Jungkook runs closer to them, laughing and stumbling with a very close Taehyung behind. Yoongi pops his head off Jimin’s chest, almost hitting the younger on the chin, and laughs when Jungkook falls completely. Taehyung taps him and runs off quickly.

“I wanna play!” Yoongi now sits up all the way, making Jimin huff before closing his book. The moment of tranquility they shared not two seconds ago is now being bombarded with loud voices and sharply pitched laughs. He wants one on one time with the little guy, that’s all he’s asking for, and it was his idea they come to the park in the first place and now he has to compete for Yoongi’s attention?

“Okay!” Jungkook gets up and taps Yoongi’s head. “You’re it!”

Yoongi giggles and takes off running in the boy’s direction, leaving the blanket a tangled mess where his foot dug in and twisted it before taking off.

“Ugh!” Jimin places the book none too gently onto the park table and seats himself stubbornly, blanket rolled in a messy ball on his lap.

“Why are you acting more like a child than Yoongi?” Namjoon comments jokingly.

“It was my idea we come to the park,” Jimin whines. “Jungkook didn’t even want to come and yet here he is stealing Yoongi to play with himself. He’s had Yoongi almost every afternoon! It isn’t fair!”

Namjoon looks to the others sitting around the table, Jimin missing the quick interaction as he pouts watching the younger ones play with Yoongi. Namjoon sighs and places a hand on Jimin’s knee.

“It’s going to take time, I’m sure of it, but Yoongi needs to get more comfortable being in Little Space with us. He’s doing amazing so far, but that’s only because he’s slowly letting his walls down with the people he’s most comfortable with for the moment,” Namjoon explains. “You should be happy, though, because you helped him into Little Space and got to read him a story, even if it was cut short.”

“Yeah, I guess-” Jimin stops his response when a loud cry grabs everyone’s attention, their heads twisting almost painfully to find the location of the distress.

The four boys at the table immediately recognize that the sound is coming from Yoongi, who’s currently sprawled out on his stomach with his arm tucked awkwardly under him while Jungkook and Taehyung look frazzled trying to calm him. The crying grows louder the closer they jog to him, Jimin’s even more frustrated at how much they ruined Yoongi’s relaxed state, even managed to hurt him in that short period they took him. Jungkook and Taehyung are quick to defend themselves that they didn’t do anything, talking panicky and stuttering.

“Well, then what happened?” Hoseok watches Seokjin squat down to carefully help Yoongi sit up right and brushes grass off his chest. The rapper looks back to the boys expectantly, raising an eyebrow to prompt them.

They speak over each other, rushing out their own versions of what happened until Jimin shushes them and looks to Taehyung to talk first.

“Well, we were playing tag when it was Yoongi hyung’s turn to catch us,” Taehyung explains, looking miserably at Yoongi who’s still having a hard time being consoled. “He tripped on the tree’s root or something and he fell.”

“Aish! You guys should be more careful!” Jimin is angry. Of course he’d be angry, Jungkook and Taehyung stole Yoongi away from their peaceful moment - their first

real

moment together - and end up hurting him.

“We’re sorry,” Taehyung bites his lip and looks down guiltily, Jungkook quietly standing slightly behind him looking just as remorseful.

“It’s no ones fault,” Namjoon tells the boys before there’s three crying kids on their hands. “It was an accident.”

“Shh, shh, you’re okay,” Seokjin rubs Yoongi’s back in slow circles but nothing seems to be helping.

“H-hurts!” Yoongi cries. Don’t they see how much pain he’s in? He could’ve sworn he broke his arm on his way down, a pain he registered just before a spike of white light flashed bright in his eyes. “I-It

hurtsss!”

“Where does it hurt, sweetie?” Namjoon kneels to Yoongi’s level and takes a handkerchief from his satchel to wipe away his warm tears.

“Here,” Yoongi lifts his hurting wrist, the angry swelling making everyone’s eyes widen. His other forearm also has a gnarly wound that paints his otherwise pale skin a freshly oxidized red.

All the boys outwardly cringe simultaneously; there’s no hiding how bad it is. However, at seeing their reactions, Yoongi whimpers and releases more tears. Namjoon notes that his chin also has a minor grass burn, but definitely not as bad as his elbow or wrist and feels terribly for the little guy. There’s a mixture of blood, clumped up rocks and dirt, with a little bit of grass still sticking to his wounds.

“Oh, baby,” Namjoon honestly doesn’t know how to comfort a crying boy, let alone when he’s hurt - Big or Little. “We should go home to get you cleaned up and help you feel better. C’mon, let’s get up so we can fix it and call our doctor to look at your wrist.”

“N-No!” Yoongi hiccups, wiggling out of Seokjin’s hold. “I wanna play!”

“We can play once you’re all better,” Jimin tries to reason but Yoongi only looks more miserable.

They’ve only just gotten to the park and they have so many responsibilities coming up, he just wants to have a nice time but nothing ever seems to go right. He always ends up in some kind of pain, physically or emotionally and it isn’t fair how the world seems to pick on him.

“I don’ wanna leave!” Yoongi’s previous crying has stopped in turn for his now sharp yells to accompany his tantrum.

It reminding them all of the restaurant scene, how he seems to throw fits if he doesn’t get what he wants. Namjoon jots it down as a mental note under the ‘rules to be discussed at a later time’ compartment of his ‘Little Yoongi’ filing cabinet. He can’t exhibit this kind of behavior every time he’s denied what he wants, especially when something serious like this is happening, but reprimanding him now would get them nowhere.

“Sunshine, don’t you wanna fix your owie?” Hoseok asks, crouching next to Yoongi.

“No. I wanna play!” Yoongi shakes his head and frowns at Hoseok, his tears long ago dried and replaced with a scowl.

“And we can, but your owie looks pretty bad and baby boys can’t play until we know they’re all better,” Hoseok hopes his smile can convince Yoongi to trust him.

“But…” Yoongi cautiously glances up at Namjoon, remembering the use of ‘but’ isn’t a valid argument in the leader’s eyes. “It doesn’ hurt

really

bad.”

“If it was a small scratch, we wouldn’t mind it much, but it’s a big owie, Sunshine, and we don’t want it getting worse,” Hoseok explains gently.

Yoongi sighs defeatedly knowing he won’t ever be able to win against the six boys and all their logic. He needs to surreptitiously figure out a way to persuade them better in the future because yelling hasn’t been working. Maybe he could try using sweeter eyes instead of screams and stomps, throw in a pout for good measure. For now, he’ll give in and figure out how better tactics to get them to make it up to him. Ice cream would make his owie stop hurting.

“Okay,” Yoongi lifts his arms, a gesture meaning he wants to be carried.

Jungkook acts fast, smiling excitedly as he lifts Yoongi easily into his muscular arms, trying his best to avoid the injury. He gives him a bounce or two before settling him completely. It’d be easier on his back, but if Yoongi wants to be held in the front, Jungkook will happily oblige and hold him if it means making up for the pain he caused.

-

“Isn’t that better?” Seokjin beams at Yoongi, who is seated on the sofa looking skeptically at the large bandage covering his forearm.

They have a doctor who makes house calls and almost never denies them upon spontaneity; he arrived within fifteen minutes. At this point, Yoongi had become completely calm and was briefed to put himself on his best behavior because another adult would be coming over. To their luck, Yoongi complied and let their doctor do his job. And to

Yoongi’s

luck, it was a mild sprain, a little over a grade 1, and he wrapped an elastic compression bandage over the swelling. With proper care, regular icings, he should be good in about a week with only a slight soreness left over. He has internal bruising that partially peeks from his skin, but other than that, once the swelling goes down his wrist is going to look relatively normal. The ligament inside is what will hurt upon any type of movement, so the bandage shall remain on for the time being. He also cleaned the scrapes on his chin and forearm, minor discomforted noises accompanying each press of the alcohol patch.

“It stings,” Yoongi whimpers, scratching over the bandage.

“No, no sweetie, don’t itch,” Seokjin pulls his hand away. “I know it stings, but that’s just the disinfectant making sure the owie doesn’t get worse. Wanna help hyung make dinner?”

Seokjin guide them into the kitchen, Yoongi happily trailing behind him.

“Ice cream?” Yoongi asks hopefully, opening his eyes wide and staring up through his lashes.

Seokjin chuckles and looks down to Yoongi. “You can’t have ice cream for dinner, silly.”

Yoongi frowns at the patronizing remark. He’s not being silly, he’s seen plenty of adults eat dessert instead of dinner all the time, they practically advertise it on the tv. His eyes lose their sweetness and he walks himself back to the living room where he hears the other boys playing.

“What’s wrong?” Jimin is the first to notice Yoongi’s frowning expression.

“I want ice cream,” Yoongi pouts, sitting next to Jimin, almost sticking himself to the younger boy’s side.

“Right now?” Jimin chuckles innocently.

Yoongi sighs dramatically. Why does everyone think it’s so funny? “Yes…” He doesn’t like being made fun of, especially not when he’s being serious. He looks to Jimin with large, sad eyes and deepens his pout.

“O-Okay, yeah,” Jimin swallows thickly, wanting to do anything and everything to make that miserable expression go away, and maybe even get a second chance on earning the fun title. “Let’s have ice cream!”

“You know Jin hyung isn’t going to let you give him sweets before dinner,” Hoseok takes a second from the game to glance behind him, and is struck by the same sudden need to give. Yoongi looks like a kicked puppy tossed aside in the rain. “On second thought, I could drive us.”

Yoongi looks at the two boys, flustered and quick in trying to please, and wonders why they’re suddenly trying so hard. He bites his lip and lets Jimin get up from the couch to retrieve their shoes. Seokjin enters the room just as Jimin is tying up Yoongi’s sneakers.

“Where are you guys going? Dinner’s almost ready,” Seokjin asks, sleeves rolled up and wooden spoon in hand.

“We’re taking Yoongi out for ice cream,” Jimin says.

“But I already said no,” Seokjin stands akimbo, raising an eyebrow.

“Jin, where’d you leave the salt?” Namjoon, the helper Seokjin ended up being left with, calls from the kitchen.

Seokjin sighs, wanting to give this current situation his attention but knows he can’t leave Namjoon unattended either. “Don’t season it, just cut up the leaks I left on the cutting board. And careful with the knife,” He quickly adds. He looks back to the boys who are still standing awkwardly, waiting to be scolded. “So why are you taking him?”

“Well...because...” Jimin looks to Hoseok then to Yoongi on the couch who kicks his left foot, waiting for his shoe to be tied. He looks back to Seokjin with a shy smile, “I already said we could.”

“It’ll just be this one time,” Hoseok pleads.

Jimin and Hoseok both look to Seokjin with puppy eyes while Yoongi tugs on Jimin’s head; he really wants his shoes tied.

“No,” Seokjin says finitely. “We can’t have one person telling him one thing and the other giving in, he’ll learn bad behaviors. It sucks, but we need to be strict sometimes. He can have ice cream afterwards if he behaves and eats all his food first,” Seokjin says the last part louder to know Yoongi heard it, in which case he did.

“You’re not fair!” Yoongi grabs a couch pillow and throws it at the floor, followed by his shoes which he kicks off violently.

“Good boys don’t throw tantrums,” Seokjin says matter-of-fact.

Hoseok remembers his little sister doing this exact same thing, except his parents always wanted to make their ‘little princess’ stop crying, even if it meant meeting her half way. Other times, they’d walk away until she’d realize it didn’t solve her problems.

“Should we leave?”
Hoseok asks Seokjin.

“But he’s going to break something,” Jimin ducks when a pillow flies over his head, hitting the wall behind them.

“My parents used to leave the room until my sister calmed down, made her understand that tantrums are pointless,” Hoseok adds.

“I guess we can try it, I mean this is his third or fourth tantrum this week,” Seokjin’s had enough and is willing to try anything to curb this behavior.

Yoongi opens his eyes, aiming another pillow towards the boys - or lack of, he should correct. He sniffles lowering the pillow, spinning around to see where they were hiding. His tears might’ve been fake before, but now he really feels like crying. They got annoyed and left him, and that fact shouldn’t hurt as much as it does, but he swears it’s physical pain he feels. He drops the pillow to his feet and runs into the kitchen where he finds them minding their own business. He lets a cry slip past his lips and throws himself on Hoseok.

“No more tantrums, Yoongi-ah,” Seokjin tries to pry Yoongi off of Hoseok, who’s also trying to get the shorter boy to look at them.

“Stop yelling at me Jin!” Yoongi finally lets go of Hoseok, instead turning to Seokjin and grabbing the first thing to throw. It happens to be a spam letter from today’s mail, but it hits its intended target in the chest.

Seokjin is both shocked at the violence, as well as the lack of title or even a suitable nickname. The outburst seems to have shocked everyone else in the room too, as all movement halts. Seokjin wasn’t even yelling in the first place, Yoongi is acting out simply because something else is bothering him that not even Little Space can help him relax.

“I’m not yelling,” Seokjin holds up his hands in defense when Yoongi reaches for another envelope, this time Hoseok blocks him and tells him no.

“Get out of the way butt-face," Yoongi tells him.

“Hey!” Hoseok reels back at the child-like, yet hurtful, insult.

“Yoongi-ah, do not talk to people like that,” Seokjin sternly reprimands.

“Then stop being mean!” Yoongi doesn’t understand why he feels so out of control right now, maybe it’s because he’s never spent an entire day in Little Space, he’s never been through so many emotional obstacle in one day as a Little either and he feels so uncomfortably unstable. “I hope Tanie pees on your hair!”

In any other situation, they all would’ve laughed at such a weak insult, especially the ones coming from their one and only savage Yoongi, but he’s clearly in his Headspace and very distraught. However, that doesn’t mean he can be as mean as he wants with complete disregard of everyone else’s feelings. Seokjin would never want Yeontan to pee on any of Yoongi’s things (again), let alone on his person. They really need to have a sit down with Yoongi as soon as he’s out of his Headspace.

“I’m not being mean, I’m just being your hyung,” Seokjin tries to sound calm, no matter how forced it comes across. “We don’t throw things at people, that’s rude. And we don’t call family or other people mean names because you can hurt their feelings. You’ve been misbehaving all morning, and it needs to stop Yoongi-ah. Because you’ve been bad, you don’t get to have ice cream at all today.”

After Seokjin’s scolding, Yoongi quickly comes out of Little Space and coughs on a failed attempt to hide his emotions. It’s rare Yoongi gets yelled at by staff or the other members, it’s basically unheard of, but he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like being called ‘bad’, he swears he was trying his best but it just got so difficult for him to control his emotions in Little Space. He doesn’t want to even try using his excuse that his Little Space took over in fear that they would, yet again, scold him for being whiny. It felt like being trapped behind a foggy window to his own eyes; he could see the other boys like shadows, yet he couldn’t control his impulses or words. Being yelled at brings him back to when he and his parents used to argue before he moved away to Seoul. They had their worst fight to date, the day he left, and any time he’s scolded in any way, called ‘bad’ or ‘no good’ he feels that small child within him huddle into a corner and weep. That emotionally scarring stab from his parents coming back full force.

“S-Sorry…” Yoongi turns away and exits the room without another word, leaving the three boys more confused than why Yoongi started the violence in the first place.

He finds himself at Taehyung’s door, not bothering to knock and barging in. The young singer said he was going to take a nap, yet Yoongi finds him playing ‘Zelda’ on his red switch leaning against the headboard.

“Tae,” Yoongi can feel his Little Space itching at the back of his neck, but he’s had enough of giving up his control. He’s made so many mistakes and right now, Little Yoongi is a bad boy and he doesn’t want to be bad.

Taehyung looks up from his game, smile melting from his face when Yoongi’s sweaty hair, heaving chest, and tearful eyes meet his. “What’s wrong?” He gets out off his bed and meets the shorter boy at the door he didn’t close behind him.

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Yoongi hiccups, hugging Taehyung tight and fierce. “Can I sleep in here?” He asks in Taehyung’s hoodie.

“Uh,” Taehyung wishes he knew why he’s so distraught, but if all he’s asking for is a place to sleep, then he won’t pry for more answers. “Of course, hyung. Anything you need and I’ll give it to you. And when, or if, you want to talk about it, you know I’m here.”

“Thanks,” Yoongi lets go of Taehyung and crawls over the neatly folded sheets. The minute he rests his dampened hair against the pillow, exhaustion pulls him down.

-

With the early conclusion of their interview, they were given another task by their company since they have a few hours to spare. Ever since the tension rose yesterday evening, it has yet to decline, making all their happiness and friendly interactions seems more forced than usual - an overscaled attempt to make sure no one knows of their internal issues. Yoongi didn’t say a single word besides his introduction during the entire interview. When the interviewer asked what happened to his wrist, Namjoon said he was rough housing with Jungkook and sprained it. It’s a believable story, something that happened to Seokjin in the past. He knows ARMY’s are going to wonder why he didn’t speak, and they’ll figure out the answer faster than their own company could, but he doesn’t feel like caring at the moment. He just wants to go home and down an entire bottle of wine by himself and go to sleep, get away from everyone. But he has to get passed a short meeting about their comeback theme and what they want to showcase most this time: more storytelling, more dancing/dance breaks, or keeping it straight to the point, clean and sexy, as they always do.

The ride home seems to have the same forced friendly banter as they had in front of the public eye, an act they keep up in wanting to be civil in such close quarters and not risk having an argument with nowhere to run. Although it isn’t entirely forced, they do hold back whenever Yoongi is involved.

-

“Rules,” Namjoon states the single word with finality. “We need to establish what is classified as okay and what is classified as misbehavior so we can then attribute reasonable consequences.”

Everyone around the dinning table nods their heads, Yoongi giving a curt motion but otherwise agreeing.

“Good, we’re all on the same page, that makes it easier to start,” Namjoon internally releases a relieved breath. “I brought over a whiteboard, as you can see,” He gestures to his whiteboard on the stand with marker, one side marked “Rules”, the other marked “Consequences” in neat penmanship.

“First and foremost, we should discuss the consequences of tantrums,” Yoongi slouches in on himself at Namjoon’s words. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it’s definitely something that needs to be addressed. Yes.”

Namjoon points to Seokjin who’s raised his hand half way. “I think tantrums are not allowed, and if he has a rebuttal then we should talk about it, rationally.”

“Little Space isn’t necessarily rational,” Jimin points out. “His Headspace

is

younger.”

“Good ideas, both of you,” Namjoon praises. “So, we can say tantrums are not to be tolerated

but

if does have one, there needs to be a consequence matching the severity of the behavior. On counts of three if stops closest to one is a mild offense, but if we get to three then it’s punishment.”

“No one is spanking me,” Yoongi comments bitterly with his head hanging low, blushing from the conversation topic.

“I wasn’t going to suggest that,” Namjoon agrees. “There shouldn’t be any physical contact in these punishments.”

“Time-out?” Taehyung offers.

“Yeahhh, but sometimes his tantrums can be disruptive,” Hoseok feels like the consequence should weigh more. “How about no dessert if we’re having it that night and going to bed early without a story if we aren’t?”

“N-” Yoongi stops himself from disagreeing, his Little side aching from just hearing that punishment. Story time makes going to bed seamless.

The others catch on and wordlessly agree it’s a good enough consequence.

“If you don’t want those things happening, you’ll have to obey yourself when we ask,” Namjoon tells the pouting boy. “Okay?”

“Fine,” Yoongi huffs.

“Alright, so what else do we need to go over?” Namjoon asks the group.

“Manners are important, using kind words, and always saying “please” and “thank you”,” Hoseok offers, remembering when Yoongi called him a rude name last night. “No being mean to us and accept the consequences.”

“No arguing back, “no” means “no”,” Jungkook also chimes in with his own rule. He’s always loved feeling powerful, but he didn’t like arguing with Yoongi about what they ordered online. “I think as a Caregiver, we know what’s best.”

“I think we should also put a rule that says it’s okay to deny something he’s uncomfortable doing, though,” Taehyung says. “We can talk about everything first, and if he’s embarrassed or doesn’t want to do it, I think we should respect that.”

Yoongi takes kindly to that, and offers Taehyung a shy smile before it drops once more. He supposes the rules aren’t too bad, they seem like stuff his own parents would create for him, the same rules he always seemed to break because he was vindictive at the time and wanted to prove them wrong on every account.

“Honesty is also important, he should tell us how he really feels so there aren’t any misunderstandings,” Jimin says. “Also, if he draws or colours something he should show me because they’re so cute,” He says the last bit with a small chuckle, thinking of the last time Yoongi drew his dog Holly and proudly showed it off.

“I’m not writing that down,” Namjoon smiles at the idea but it’s more of a preference not a rule. “But that does bring up another point, we should include rewards.” At this Yoongi perks up and listens to what they might suggest.

“Staying up passed his bedtime,” Taehyung says first.

“We don’t have a bedtime for him,” Jungkook laughs.

“Then we can make one,” Taehyung playfully pushes the younger boy’s shoulder. “9:00pm?”

“I guess that’s reasonable,” Namjoon is about to write it on the bored when Yoongi interjects.

“That’s way too early, I won’t be able to sleep by then,” Yoongi hates that idea.

“Well if you behave you get to stay up passed that,” Namjoon looks at him with squared off shoulders, making Yoongi groan before acquiescing.

“New stuffed animal?” Jungkook asks.

“Mm!” Yoongi unwillingly let’s out an all to eager noise and blushes.

Jimin laughs at the cuteness before gathering himself, watching Namjoon scribble it onto the board.

“Blanket forts? Movies? We can go out for treats,” Hoseok suggests, all of which are jotted down after several noises of agreement from Yoongi.

“Alright, I think that’s good for now and if we have any more to add we can discuss it,” Namjoon replaces the cap on the marker and looks warmly at Yoongi, taking a seat to join the boys. “Are you okay with everything? It’s okay to have a disagreement.”

“No, it’s…” Yoongi shifts awkwardly, ignoring everyone staring at him so imploringly yet encouragingly at the same time. “It’s all good, I guess.”

“Great! Then it’s settled. I’ll make a print-out and put it on the fridge,” Namjoon stands from his seat, the other members following suit and dispersing to do their own things.

As much as he hates the consequences, he’s determined to be good and get as many rewards as possible. He hasn’t brought up his latest and most violent tantrum or why it happened, but he supposes that can be saved for a later time when he feels more comfortable or if he ever wants to share it. All he knows is that he’s conflicted with missing home and yet he doesn’t really want to see his parents - not because they’re still on bad terms, they just always have something to knit pick and it leaves him stressing over how to appease them. He just really misses Jun Ki.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“I’d like you all to meet our newest intern, Kyun Nam-Seon,” Their CEO Bang PD introduces. “He will be interning with us up into the spring, maybe even longer if we like him,” He offers a short, teasing smile to the nervous intern, who awkwardly chuckles back. “I asked him to shadow Sejin-ah, so you will get to know him and ask him for help if you need anything. He’s not new to this industry so I trust he’s knowledgeable, I’m sure he can answer more questions than you think. Unless it’s for an emergency or regarding important questions about upcoming appearances, I want you all to report to our friend Kyun Nam-Seon first. He will be the judge if it’s something I should handle.”
The boys are quiet for a moment, everyone sitting in a small meeting room with closely connected tables in a rectangular layout. The ambient lighting doing minimal change from the otherwise dark room, perhaps it’s because they haven’t changed the five burnt out light bulbs. Kyun Namseon is a handsome young man, albeit older than any of the boys he still has a youthful radiance that shows passed his kind, yet anxious, smile. They are instantly ready to work with whoever their manager suggests, and they will try their best to make their intern feel welcomed.
“We are grateful to be your choice to work with, and we will work hard on proving it was a beneficial decision,” Namjoon bows his head slightly in the intern’s direction. “And the same goes for you as well, if there are any questions you have for us, please don’t hesitate to ask. We’re always more than happy to help.” Namjoon looks to the boys, making sure they all nod or vocally agree regardless if the statement isn’t necessarily true for all of them.
“Thank you,” Namseon’s smile grows larger, more relaxed and not bitten with an edge of anxiety from meeting one of South Korea’s most influential Idols, maybe even the world’s - he mustn't think that large. “It’s an honor to be given this opportunity.” The boys look so much more intimidating in person, screw the fact he’s their hyung, they’re the ones who run the show here.
Namjoon’s eyes are soft with a friendly smile, but he doesn’t dare gaze longer than he should; not into those eyes that see the world for much larger than most. He can probably see right through Namseon, he has to promise himself not to say anything idiotic in front of such an intelligent person. That same package of power goes for the other boys as well, especially Kim Taehyung. He has such a powerful look to him, yet he still manages to soften that destructional edge with a large and goofy smile that he feels tickled by. His eyes are so innocent off stage, but he knows exactly what hooded seduction they can morph into when performing and the kid probably doesn’t even fathom how truly powerful those eyes are at his young age. If there’s anyone he’d probably feel most comfortable around, it would be Jung Hoseok, his entire being radiates a strong familiarity, like he’s home wherever he goes. He’ll make sure Namseon is okay throughout his intern service, most definitely. There’s absolutely no judgement in Jimin’s angelic eyes that smile so cutely at him, and he wants to blush but smacks himself because he’s their hyung, their overseer and not one to be intimidated. At least not dominated as far as title goes, look-wise, he can’t stop staring at Seokjin. That man is so... broad , so captivating in a way that makes you notice him on a bus and forget where you’re supposed to be going. Sitting next to him is Jungkook, broad but not as much as his hyung but enough to be mistaken as someone older; although, not in terms of his face. His face is still quite child-like and he finds that quite adorable. A boy who wants to be a man like his hyungs. Well. Maybe not like Yoongi if he’s got a body as muscular as that, maybe he wants to be like Seokjin. Yoongi looks to be slouching, so that would excuse the drastic height difference, but that doesn’t nearly excuse the size difference of his entire person. Even Jimin is fuller than him, more toned and defined with muscles of a skilled dancer. Yoongi’s arms are small but toned, and his pale skin only gets paler when he travels to his legs, those small, terrifyingly thin legs that are covered in small knicks and bruises, barely larger than Jungkook’s arms. His ankles are even smaller, but maybe it’s because he almost has no calf fat too, and sitting next to Taehyung only makes him smaller. He’d be damned if he ever called him cute, just looking at his face, it already shuts you up from saying anything remotely mocking. His don’t-fuck-with-me eyes are sharp and exhausted at the same time. A stark contrast with his slightly pouting lips.
He stops himself from smiling at the boys. This is purely business, and in this business he needs to understand why these specific boys are the center of the world to achieve the upper hand over all the other companies. He’ll figure out their secret.
-
It’s their first business casual meeting they’ve had since taking a break, but they suppose they’ve been on hiatus long enough. There are so many songs that the boys want to share and start working on as soon as they can that they’re practically vibrating with energy. There’s still quite some time before their next comeback, let alone an album drop, but they’d rather work early to perfect them than not at all. With an intern, things can be even more organized, perhaps even take a load off of Sejin whenever he becomes overpowered by the seven boys. Kyun Namseon can offer keeping track of schedules while Sejin handles the communications from the higher ups. They’ve been through quite a few interns over the years, all of them leaving with extensive knowledge of the industry and how to successfully guide a proactive idol lifestyle, even if they withheld certain aspects of their success. No one helped them, nore believed them, while they were starving for a chance to be heard, they won’t just spoon feed those two-faced companies.
“He seems really nice,” Jimin smiles and nudges Namjoon with his elbow to get him to respond.
“Yeah, but it was only our first encounter, he could change like Sung Yeon,” Namjoon reminds the younger boy. “She started out very sweet and respectful.”
“Whatever happened to her?” Jimin asks.
“I’m not really sure,” Namjoon looks to be pondering before brushing the matter away. “I’m sure the company handled it well.”
Sung Yeon ended up breaking into their private studios and stole items to sell online, her defense was that the boys had too much clutter and could use a good spring cleaning. The company took care of her and they haven’t asked them about her since.
“Enough of that, though, we need to discuss which dance to go over first,” Namjoon says and looks to Hoseok walking behind Jimin. They have an appearance, as per usual, just to show ARMY’s they’re still alive and enjoying themselves.
“Well, we haven’t performed ‘I’m Fine’ since our last concert and it’s the second song they requested us to perform. That means it’s not an opener or a closer, it’s a connecting song that will boost the finale. It’ll be easy, so we can start there and just make sure everyone is still good with pacing and positioning,” Hoseok takes a second to think about what else they should worry about. “The stage is a little bigger too, so we have room to play with. We should work on spacing the most today, the rest should come naturally.”
“That works for me,” Namjoon nods. The other boys also voicing their agreement.
Yoongi never liked their interns, no matter how much he trusted their company. To him, everyone who comes to them is simply there because of their fame, they never cared about their music before so why all of a sudden are they this huge deal? People are liars and always will be. The thought of another Sung Yeon brings an uneasiness to his chest and he reaches out to grab Namjoon’s hand.
They hear a door open behind them, followed by Sejin’s voice, making Yoongi reel his hand back and resist the need to be Little. They turn around to see him speaking to Namseon. Jimin’s eyebrows twitch when he notes how tall their intern actually is, almost surpassing Sejin by a full inch. Jimin looks down to see if he’s wearing lifts and his eyebrows rise with respect when he sees none. Namjoon straightens his back and politely initiates their bows when they meet each other.
“Are you guys about to head to dance practice?” Namseon asks with a slight smile, he seems excited and the boys smile.
Yoongi looks up to Namjoon, wondering how he can always be so open and closed off at the same time with strangers. It’s so hard for him to pretend to be energetic, so he steps behind Namjoon hoping their leader will protect him. Yoongi shushes that need to be Little again and resists the urge to grab onto Namjoon’s shirt. His fingers clench, needing something to secure him. They haven’t been around the public eye for an entire day since their break, Yoongi is used to having breaks where he can escape into his Headspace for a few minutes, he had no idea how hard it would be resisting.
“Yes, we are,” Namjoon answers. “We were actually just talking about the performance Friday, too. Do you know how big the stage will be?”
It’s a small show, mostly just for a local broadcast and an interview to see how the boys are doing and what’s happening next.
“Oh, absolutely,” Namseon takes out his folder from his satchel and opens the slim organizer. Namjoon leans over the file and Yoongi grabs onto the back hem of his shirt unexpectedly, but Namjoon pays it little mind. The stage is fairly large, but nothing they haven’t done before. “Would you like me to come in to the studio and make marks for the stage?”
Namjoon smiles at his eagerness. Yoongi wishes Joonie would stop being so nice so he can come back and block the view of onlooking eyes. He feels so exposed without the protection of the taller male. Yoongi forces himself to let go of his shirt, repressing more of his Little Space. It almost seems like the more he tries to fight it, the more he thinks about it, and the harder it becomes to not slip.
“We don’t have a practice room as big as the stage, but we’ll have time tomorrow to figure out space before the show,” Namjoon informs.
“Right, of course,” Namseon wants to smack himself. It may not be an arena, but their dance room definitely isn’t big enough to mock anything bigger than a small to medium rookie comeback stage.
Practice runs smoothly. A song from each album and enough variation of dancing to not leave them extremely winded. Yoongi winces as he tries to pinch away the tightness in his right thigh, face twisting up in pain when he follows the boys out of the room. It’s always the same leg that gives him trouble, and they haven’t had this intense of a practice in a couple months so it’s probably flaring up again. As soon as they enter their break room, the boys throw themselves on the couch, get drinks, and begin munching on snacks. Sejin and Namseon are at a small table, discussing today’s events while sipping steaming coffee. Yoongi licks his lips at the thought of the hot coffee traveling down his throat until he can feel it warm his tummy. First things first, his leg then he can get coffee. He finds Jimin laying alone and limps over to him.
“Jiminie, can you massage my leg?” Yoongi asks, jostling the younger until he’s no longer looking at his phone.
“Here, sit down,” Jimin sits up and swings his legs over the edge for Yoongi to take a seat. He takes Yoongi’s right leg and lifts it over his lap.
“-Okay,” Namseon responds while Sejin gets up to go to the restroom. He takes this time to observe the boys in a natural, camera-free environment. Everything seems normal, just a bunch of stinky, sweaty boys who are more exhausted than they’re letting on. His eyes meander until they land on Jimin, who’s methodically massaging Yoongi’s leg. Guilt settles in his stomach, he didn’t even notice Yoongi was hurting. He’s about to get up and ask if everything is okay when the tone of Jimin’s voice startles him.
“Do you feel better?” Jimin asks quietly.
Namseon can barely hear it, not with everyone conversing around him, but it doesn’t stop the uncomfortable chill that slips down his spine. Why did Jimin sound like he was talking to a...child maybe? It sounded almost patronizing and yet Yoongi doesn’t look offended or even bothered for that matter. He only nods, his hands mindlessly playing with his sweaty shirt laying covering his stomach. Perhaps he’s thinking too much because no one else thinks it’s weird.
“If it starts to hurt again, especially during practice, you have to make sure you tell us, okay Yoongi?” Jimin’s voice is gentle, no trace of anger just parental care.
“M’kay,” Yoongi mumbles through a pout.
Was Namseon’s research wrong? Was Yoongi not the elder? Why would Jimin speak so informally and almost reprimanding? Why does Yoongi look so small in this moment? He’s acting nothing like the boy he saw in dance practice, and he’s nowhere near as intimidating as he was during the meeting.
“Okay, are you ready?” Sejin startles Namseon out of his reverie. He hadn’t even noticed the other man walking up.
“Huh?” Namseon looks up to Sejin quickly, tweaking his neck in the process. “Oh, yeah let’s go.” It’s probably nothing, he has a meeting to worry about.
Jimin watches his manager and intern leave out the door, before turning back to Yoongi.
“Yoongi, do you feel Little?” Jimin asks, a little louder than before but still quiet enough so no one outside the room can eavesdrop. “Yoongi-ssi.”
“Yoongi, Yoongi, Yoongi!” The older boy chants happily, hugging himself as the stress is relieved from his tense body. Question answered.
“Do you think you can wait until we get home, little guy? We don’t want anyone to worry,” Jimin tells him.
“Why would people worry?” Yoongi asks innocently.
“Well...because they might notice you acting different and then they’ll ask you a bunch of boring grown up questions,” Jimin answers. He looks away from Yoongi to try and make eye contact with one of the other boys. Seokjin, who’s walking over with a mini bag of chips notices Jimin and stops to stand in front of the two boys on the couch.
“Jinie!” If Seokjin walked over confused, he isn’t anymore. “Share?” Yoongi asks, sitting up so he can get closer to the bag, hands stretched wide as he pouts beggingly.
“Of course, sweetie,” Seokjin hands him the bag and looks back to Jimin. “When?” He asks simply.
“Like, ten seconds ago I think. Right when Sejin hyung and intern hyung left,” Jimin says.
Seokjin can calm down by that sentence. At least no one else saw.
“Yoongi, sweetie, can you be a big boy until we get home? Then you can have lots of play time if you want,” Seokjin says.
By now the other boys are aware of Yoongi being in Little Space and begin gathering their belongings and cleaning up trash. He’s probably tired and wants to go home.
“Can I has piggyback?” Yoongi asks, the snack bag now left discarded beside him. “Pweeeeasie~”
Jimin and Seokjin make eye contact, how can they say no? He’s acting far younger than normal, he’s even changed the way he pronounces his words.
“Okay, but before we get outside, you need to be a big boy again, understood?” Seokjin tries to be more stern, but it’s hard when Yoongi is covered in crumbs, a Line Friends Brown Bear bandage over the grass burn on his chin, and has such an overjoyed look in his eyes.
And Yoongi is overjoyed. He softly kicks his feet as a small giggle tumbles out and he hides his face shyly in his hands. He’s never acted so childishly in front of them before, it’s concerning no matter how cute it is, because this ultimately means Yoongi must be stressed over something if he’s regressed so far.
“Hi baby,” Namjoon takes this golden opportunity to ruffle Yoongi’s sweat dampened hair, earning another giggle. “Aren’t you playful today. How old are you, baby?”
Yoongi feels so giggly and light, nothing but relaxing tingles all over his body as that familiar numbness sets over him. At this rate, the thought of being Big won’t cross his mind if he regresses any further. All he wants to do right is giggle and play but looks up at Namjoon with large eyes and remembers the question. He looks down at his hand and translates his thoughts to fingers. He hopes it’s the right number.
“Dis?” Yoongi holds up his hand insecurely, not knowing if he counted correctly.
“Our baby is three?” Namjoon asks to clarify, seeing the confusion on Yoongi’s otherwise normally concealed face.
Yoongi giggles because he got it right and nods happily, making more small kicks of joy. Namjoon chuckles and pokes Yoongi’s stomach, eliciting a squeak followed by more giggles. Yoongi pulls his legs over his stomach and hugs them tightly.
“No!” Yoongi sounds not at all serious behind his gummy smile and slowly ebbing laughter.
“Can we go home now so we can all play with him?” Jungkook asks eagerly. He’s never had a younger sibling, and seeing Yoongi so playful and happy makes him want to be the cause of it. Is it jealousy while he watches Namjoon steal those giggles and attention? Whatever it is, he doesn’t like it and clears his throat. “It’s almost dinner time anyways, we should start cooking.”
“Ah, our Mr. Jungkook has become such a strict man,” Jimin jokes.
“C’mon~” Jungkook’s whine eradicates everything Jimin just said.
“Yah! Jungkookie is cranky,” Seokjin says. “Alright, let’s go home and feed our other baby boy.”
Jungkook rolls his eyes and resists slapping Seokjin on the back of the neck. He’s only glad the attention has been reverted to cleaning and gathering their things rather than Yoongi. Jungkook suddenly asks himself why he’s glad and notices Yoongi staring up at him from his place still on the couch, his curious wide eyes begging for amusement. Jungkook makes a goofy face and smiles at the way Yoongi erupts into a fit of giggles.
-
Taehyung adjusts Yoongi on his back and starts walking again while Yoongi currently presses tiny kisses on Taehyung’s neck, making the other boy laugh against his will.
“Thank you for all the kisses, but you have to stop now so I can walk straight,” Taehyung says, cheeks hurting from smiling so hard.
Yoongi lays two more kisses on his neck before opting to bury his face there instead. His current Headspace is much different than yesterday’s, he’s so energetic and sweet. Yesterday he wouldn’t stop throwing fits and was overly emotional, opinionated, and demanding. The Little Yoongi on his back reminds Taehyung of his own younger cousins when they were this age.
They’re about to go outside, and Yoongi remembers something about being a big boy now, but he doesn’t see the harm in staying Little, so he pretends to be asleep so no one would know he did a no-no.
Seokjin peers over at Yoongi and sees his soft resting face. At least they won’t have to worry about the crowd, they’ll just think he’s tired from practice and fell asleep. It’s the evening too, so there will hardly be any fans waiting for a glimpse and photograph worthy moment. The second the door opens, a gust of chilly air freezes his face and neck making Seokjin tug his zipper up further and look to Yoongi again, who’s cozy beneath the long jacket he brought.
-
He should feel guilty for getting away with being disobedient, but no one noticed, which means his Caregivers were worrying for no reason. No worries, all is forgotten with their clean bodies and full stomachs. It’s now just Yoongi and his playmates, no more public appearances for the rest of the day so Yoongi can be as relaxed as he pleases. It’s a peaceful night because Seokjin said his bedtime is in thirty minutes, so no running around or anything too exciting. He’s sprawled out onto his stomach, colouring carefully within the lines of the puppy picture in his new colouring book Hoseok surprised him with. He’s making it look like Holly by creating small swirls with his brown crayon, concentrating hard with squinted eyes and his tongue tickling the corner of his lips . As time passes, it gets harder to focus and he finds that he keeps forgetting what he’s doing, his head dropping before he catches it and blinks lethargically. He finally gives in and lets his head fall against the colouring book, crayon rolling out of his grip, sleep taking him captive until morning. Jungkook looks up from his own sketchbook and laughs quietly, taking his phone out to take a picture; he’ll have to show Yoongi later.
“Can I put him to bed?” Jungkook asks Seokjin, who’s seating on the couch watching a cooking show.
“Yeah, that’s fine. Just be careful up the stairs,” Seokjin says, not taking his eyes off the TV.
Jungkook smiles at that and carefully scoops Yoongi up bridal style. The smaller boy instinctively shifts his position and grips onto Jungkook’s shirt, nuzzling his face into his chest and neck. He’s exerts more energy than expected by the time he makes it up the stairs and walks down the hall to his own room, his legs burning and arms sorely asking to set the boy down. Yoongi can sleep in his bed tonight, he’ll just go get Yoongi’s bear and special gift he ordered last week.
He sets Yoongi down under the covers and tucks him in tightly, Jungkook knows he’s going to untuck himself once he curls into a ball like he always does, but tucking him in is such a pleasant exprience. Jungkook leaves the room to retrieve the bear and comes back to see exactly what he predicted. He smiles, knowing he’s the one who has Yoongi tonight and no one else will get to experience such a gentle moment. He lifts the sheets and folds Yoongi’s arms over his beloved bear Brownies and lets the boy squeeze it close to his chest. The maknae proceeds to open his desk drawer and take out a small box with a pacifier inside. He wanted to give to Yoongi when he was awake, but frankly, he’s probably too excited to wait any longer. He’s already washed it and made sure it no longer smelled of plastic and stored it safely in it’s container. He ordered a custom pacifier with a puppy similar to the one Yoongi wanted but sadly couldn’t have. Jungkook was sure to get one that wouldn’t disturb the placement of his teeth, nor any other possible discomfort. The nipple is soft and bulbas at the tip for proper tongue placement and comfort, the shield is a heart shape that curves ever so slightly so it can fit easily around his face, the overall colour black while the button of the shield is white for the cute puppy with pink flowers as the background.
He attaches the floral pink pacifier clip to the handle and clips it onto Yoongi’s shirt collar. After he takes the cap off, he presses the tip against the smaller boy’s parted lips, trying to get him to latch on. Yoongi’s eyes drowsily open, confused by what’s happening while he remains half asleep.
“Look,” Jungkook says quietly and brings the pacifier in view of Yoongi’s half lidded eyes. “This is a pacifier just for you. Open your mouth.”
Yoongi doesn’t seem to understand what exactly is happening but opens his mouth anyways. He doesn’t react when the pacifier is placed in his mouth, he lets instinct control him and gently tugs it closer to his lips to suckle softly. Jungkook smiles happily and can’t help the excited giggle that comes out of him.
He throws the blanket over himself and sighs into the mattress. This is what it means to be a big brother, to make sure the little ones are all taken care of.
-It was unintentional, but when Yoongi woke up he instantly drifted back into Little Space from the atmosphere in the room.
Jungkook has woken up before him and decided to play soft lullaby music he found on YouTube while he worked on editing a video. It’s still quite early and they don’t have to be at their company building for another two hours so he decides to take a quick shower and get dressed. When he returns, Yoongi is still slumbering peacefully, pacifier no longer bobbing but nestled safely between his lips.
Yoongi blinks blearily until the light permeating through the blinds becomes more bearable. The first thing he notices is Brownies is no longer in his arms and his heart thuds anxiously but relaxes once he realizes his friend is under the sheets. The second thing is the object in his mouth, making his lips numb yet so very soothing. He sucks experimentally and begins to hear soft piano music his mother used to play before he went to sleep or while she read bedtime stories to him. His muscles don’t ache for the first time in months, like he’s just experienced the best sleep of his life. He stretches and looks around the room, not even realizing he’s slipping into his floaty and warm Headspace. His eyes land on Jungkook’s back, his muscles only barely tensing beneath his white t-shirt as he types on his keyboard and glides his mouse around the screen. Yoongi tiredly kicks his feet, trying to gain the younger boy’s attention. A whine emits high in his throat and he reaches out with grabby hands.
Jungkook hears the noise and turns around to see a pleasant surprise. He happily forgets his project and takes Yoongi into a tight hug.
“Good morning~” Jungkook lets Yoongi curl into him, settling the smaller boy against his chest and almost on his lap. “Did you sleep okay?”
Yoongi nods and rubs his head against Jungkook’s chest, making the maknae’s heart swell with pride. None of the other boys get to witness this moment, it’s just for him and Yoongi.
“I’m glad. Let’s go get you ready for the day and then have breakfast,” Jungkook isn’t happy about having to leave this moment in favor of all their commitments, but they have a job to do and Yoongi needs to soak up as much Little Space as he can before they leave.
-
Namseon has already paid witness to the strange interaction between Yoongi and Jimin. He asked Sejin if he noticed Yoongi get hurt during practice, and of course he did but it wasn’t anything new. Sejin said not to fret because it’s most likely the same muscle strain since his previously injured leg muscle, he knows what to do and they can tape him tomorrow if it still bothers him. He rests easy about the injury, but that doesn’t explain the interaction nor how soft and intimate it was. He keeps his eyes open and hearing on high alert in case something should happen again, and sure enough later in the week, he catches Hoseok telling Yoongi not to scratch at his thumb and watches the older boy’s expression glaze over in an almost wondering expression. Hoseok’s voice was stern and unmoving, but even that shouldn’t have stopped Yoongi from having some fight left in him, Namseon was proven wrong yet again. What happened to the fierce and savage Suga, the quick-tongued rapper the world knows of?
It seems as if everyone’s tone of voice grows gentler with Yoongi, and it seems the closer they get to Friday and the more Yoongi’s anxiety builds, the more the boys try to comfort him. Perhaps this is their normal behavior and nothing more. However, the second Namseon makes known his presences, that gentle moment dissipates as quickly as he watched it happen. Once Friday passes, Yoongi’s closed off and cold expression is back on his face and the boys go back to being the BTS he’s read about.
This strange phenomena continues to happen as more social events make it onto the group’s schedule, in fact it intensifies around the event of the Grammys. On the drive over, Yoongi seems more anxious than ever that Namseon would actually catch glimpses of his shaking fingers before he’d interlace them and tuck them between his thighs. Not that it helped, considering his legs were also trembling, his entire body shivering as if it were freezing. He’s heard about Yoongi’s preference to stay away from large crowds, especially the ones filled with loud strangers who disregarded personal space. However this is above anything they could have ever prepared for, bigger than even they realize. He’s so nervous, he won’t even Tweet anything to reassure his fans that he’ll be okay. He used to Tweet in the passed, at least a little sentence of “I couldn’t sleep last night, I was so nervous,” - that was something he’s read a few years back. He stayed back with Sejin to watch the bows, and he could see Yoongi relax more and more as the other boys goofed around and had fun with the interviews.
Yoongi could handle this, some of the interviewers were the same people from their first USA appearances, he’s good with familiarity. The minute he remembers they’re presenting an award, though, a shiver runs through his limbs and his chest tightens. His vision grows fuzzy and his breathing stops. That familiar floaty feeling wants to help him feel better, but he’s surrounded by nothing but cameras and strangers, on a completely different continent, so he cannot go into Little Space. That’s what he kept telling himself anyways. He didn’t feel it happen, he just suddenly felt like the interviews were fun, even if he didn’t know them he found himself talking without looking at Namjoon for his usual quick nonverbal permission. He’s a big boy and can do his own interviews. He wants everyone to know how much he loves BTS.
Namseon can’t figure it out, he can’t understand BTS no matter how long he’s been with them. They are just as impossibly complex as they are secretive. He’s always been such a huge fan of the boys, and he’s worked his way up to garner this opportunity to be held in their gaze and work by their side. Working with trainees and rookies, he’s learned a few things: companies put random people together if they think they’d make a good enough sound to capture attention, no matter if they like each other. They wait until they reach Idol status, an Idol to be admired and jealous of, and then they disband and launch into solo careers but remain within the same company. Some companies have groups that treat each other as business partners, some are brotherly or sisterly, on screen, on stages, anywhere open to the public eye then turn around to show a truth of annoyance, unreconciled disagreement, and sometimes hate toward each other. From the first week alone he’s learned that BTS aren’t a group of Idols, they’re a family - inside and out. They annoy each other, they have their disagreements, they cry and chew each other out, but at the end of the day they always come back and settle the waters and repair bridges. In the end, there’s only love and more love. Deep down Namseon knows he won’t be hired as a full time staff employee, let alone a part timer who only gets coffee, he simply doesn’t have the credentials for a business this huge and
quickly growing. Just like the boys, BigHit is a close knit family who only hires the best of the best for their boys and that growth usually transpires within the company staff, and Namseon isn’t the best nor family. He’ll be let go with a truthful, yet heartfelt, recommendation that will earn him a job at a lower division company, and that’s okay, a start is a start and eventually he’ll be able to manage a group of his own. He can say he’s managed BTS for a season, that’s a heavily loaded client to be talking about. But he’ll be at the bottom, making less than minimum wage because regardless of who he’s worked with, no one knows him, and being a well known manager and company owner is all part of society’s game called Success. Then a thought strikes him, he knows how BTS function, how they work together and problem solve, he also knows a strange secret that no one - not even their fans or staff - know about: their strange intimacy toward Yoongi. Namseon is going to find out exactly what that is. And when he does, he’ll threaten to share it with the world and ruin their careers unless they provide him a permanent position next to Bang Shi Hyuk himself. But if the secret isn’t as strange as it seems, he’ll be ruining his own career, earning a black spot on his name. It’s going to have be a risk he needs to take.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“That's not fair! I watched him last night while you guys got to go swimming,” Jimin pouts. “It’s your turn. You never watch him.”
Jimin points to Taehyung who responds with a look of defense.
“Did I not just watch him all of Monday? I made sure he didn’t slip...unlike you,” Taehyung mumbles the last part under his breath. “Besides, the person who doesn’t watch Yoongi hyung is Hobi hyung.”
“That’s because of his weird ‘Uncle Hobi’ obsession,” Jungkook laughs.
“I’m over that!” Hoseok blushes with embarrassment and sinks back further into the couch.
“Can someone just take the responsibility without making it seem like a chore?” Namjoon sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. They’ve been at this for twenty minutes now, it began with such a simple request. He’d offer to watch him but he already did last night, it took almost thirty minutes getting the Little under control. Jimin bought him candy for behaving himself so well at their last appearance. Yoongi personally doesn’t care much for sweets, opting to eat fruit instead, so Jimin treated him with white chocolate covered strawberries and bananas. Despite Taehyung eating most of it, not having sweets meant that Yoongi wasn’t used to the rush. Namjoon couldn’t get him to lay still, it was such a headache.
“But what if he starts throwing a tantrum in the middle of a meeting? He doesn’t always listen,” Jimin makes a point and Namjoon is all too familiar with it. “He should be with someone who has a lot of authority over him.”
Everyone looks to Seokjin who's whine turns into a grunt of annoyance.
“No, I already take care of making sure he’s being hygienic and eating,” Seokjin leaves no room for argument. “I can’t be the sole Caregiver while everyone else gets to play with him. He’s starting to only come to me when he’s hungry or needs help getting dressed. Daddy wants to play, too.”
“No one calls you Daddy,” Namjoon terminates
any form
derailment that could tangent from Seokjin's joke. “How about we make a schedule, okay? We’ll take turns and write who’s doing what on a calendar or something, maybe I’ll buy a white board for the fridge so we’re all on the same page,” Namjoon looks around to see if his suggestion is good enough.
“But some people are better at things than others,” Taehyung comments.
Of course they wouldn’t all agree, that’d make things easy.
“And I can’t cook his favorite foods like Jin hyung can,” Taehyung continues.
“Can we just be assigned certain tasks?” Hoseok asks.
“But then I’m still left doing the grunt work,” Seokjin interjects.
“Jiminie and Jungkookie can cook well enough to take turns, Taehyungie and J-hope can help make sure he’s clean and dressed properly so they can take turns with that. There, now you get to play with Yoongi more,” Namjoon is pleased with Seokjin's curt nod. "I'll help with whoever needs it, okay?" Namjoon makes it final, having enough of their excuses. “Everyone needs to work together when we’re in public, though. We need to be in sync and have constant communication. Yoongi can’t slip like yesterday.”
Yoongi stopped at the doorway long ago, overhearing them bicker about who’s turn it is to watch him. He decides he can’t handle anymore and dejectedly walks back to his room to take a nap. Their tone of voice, the exhaustion that seeps from their arguing reminds him of his own parents when they fought over who influenced Yoongi into wanting to become a rapper; the potentially worst decision of his life. They were somewhat okay when he said he wanted to be a musical composer, his mother smiling wide imagining her son playing the piano beautiful in a concert hall. It drifted away when he said he wanted to be more of a hip-hop producer, and to write his own raps. He cringed and grew nauseated any time they brought up his name
regardless
if it started off pleasant or good, because one way or another, it ruthlessly lead to negativity and they would eventually start fighting about his choices. As if he was an obstacle in their own happiness, as if his interests were irrelevant, as if he could do nothing but fail. Good or bad, he hates it when people talk about him and he isn’t there to defend himself. People who talk behind your back only end up agreeing on one side of the story, one image they themselves have created out of fabricated instances and fears.
-
“You speak to him, he’s your son,” Mr. Min grumbles.
“And he isn’t yours?” Mrs. Min
bites back. “You need teach him how to be a respectable man. He’s going to embarrass this family.”
“He isn’t going to listen to me, you know that. He’s going to get all sensitive and block me out like he always does. He’s so sour and touchy lately. At this rate he'll never graduate high school,” Mr. Min says, taking a sip of his red wine.
“Well we have to do something,” Mrs. Min stares out of the window and wonders how
her baby could’ve ended up so delusional, so lost. “Throwing away his music isn’t working. Have you tried talking to Jun Ki? Yoongi listens to him.”
Their voices carry, not because of an echo, but because their house is so small it’s like they might as well be talking to him. They know that. Yet, they talk about him as if he can’t hear them and it hurts beyond emotion. He walks toward
his small room, ignoring his brother’s open door and empty bed as he carefully opens his creaking door. He ignores the posters of his inspirations, of Epik High, he ignores the crumpled songs thrown in his overflowing trash bin that his parents must've found, he leaves out of his dingy window, running away far and over their small city’s bridge to the other side. Somehow, the bridge feels like crossing over a river of dreams his parents will never believe in, and the urge to submerge himself in that river grows strong. The water rushes fast, sloshing against large rocks jutting out from the water letting it crash against its once rugged edges to form foaming bubbles. If he does join those screaming bubbles, his parents would understand how much their words hurt him, how much they tear him apart with every glance of disapproval and he’ll….he’ll be...he’ll be right. He’ll show them he didn’t ask to be this way, he didn’t ask to be inspired, he didn’t ask for all this fucking misery he was born into, all this detriment that
his parents blame him for. They can't stop blaming him for everything that's wrong.
The road behind him lay empty, vacant, like his eyes - minus the purple underneath from sleep loss, cheeks gaunt like his stomach because he’d rather feed his dreams than himself. He stands on the ledge with malnourished, bruised, and shaking legs. He’s damaged, broken, and will never get to experience happiness if he continues like this - not that a boy from poverty could ever make it. If he continues to live the life his parents set for him, he’ll never smile truly, if he continues pretending that his dream isn’t the one thing keeping him alive he’ll never get to embrace himself - he will remain in a loop of frustration and disapproval, always chasing after his parents’ love on a treadmill going too fast for his heart. He feels cold even though it’s June. So very cold.
“If you let go, I won’t be able to experience what one of the concerts feel like,” A voice startles him, making him slip only to catch himself and grip the railing harder, heart beat making his temples throb. He already knows who that voice belongs to.
“You’ve been to a concert before,” Yoongi growls, not taking his eyes off the twisting water.
“Not yours,” Jun Ki responds calmly.
A gust of wind blows past them, hitting Yoongi straight to the bone but only rustling his brother’s neatly trimmed fringe, unbothered. His brother can’t be serious, no matter how much that short sentence made his heart skip a beat and lungs punch a breath out of his dry throat.
“I can’t say I know how you feel, because I don’t. All I can say is I never see you these days, and I suppose I won’t see you much when you’re famous either, at least not in person,” Jun Ki sounds so certain that Yoongi tingles with the urge to latch onto that hope. “I’ll probably see your face everywhere, if I were to be honest - haha. But that’s not very shocking. The shocking part would be that you’ll be smiling. And as much as I would hate to see my annoying baby brother’s face all over town, I would be comforted knowing he’s smiling, even with his eyes. And your music- I can only imagine what you’re going to create. I'm ashamed I've never been able to understand you, maybe because you're terrible at talking to me...that's why I read your lyrics. I know you hate me going through your stuff, but I just
needed
to talk to you, and for the first time in our relationship, I think I actually heard you. I'm sorry you feel hurt right now...I'm sorry I let it go on for this long, there's no excuse. You have so much more than just talent, little bro.
I'm excited - hahaha - isn't that strange? I'm excited for a concert you haven't had, yet. I guess that makes me a crazy fan, perhaps your only fan. I guess that means you'll save me a spot before you sell out Gocheok Sky Dome?” This startles a laugh out of Yoongi that vastly sounds like a sob. Jun Ki doesn’t hesitate to continue, “I think even American’s will love you,” He says with a watery smile. “What’s that thing you’re always going on about? It’s a type of chart in America. You mentioned it when I was trying to help you do your math homework. C’mon, you know what it is, you’re always talking about it.”
“Billboard,” Yoongi supplies quietly, but the wind carries it to Jun Ki’s ears.
“Yeah, the Billboard,” Jun Ki smiles fondly.
“How could you even say any of that? You don’t even have a dream, all you want in life is boring, common, and mediocre! You went to college for what?
Your life is as meaningless as mine at this point, only people call your choice acceptable. Stop saying shit you don’t fucking believe in!” Yoongi spits it out with the intention to hurt his brother, make him leave and erase any care that might still be there. However, he tightens his grip on the rail, just as the grip tightens around his heart.
“I-” Jun Ki stops himself from growing annoyed, not while he’s so close to losing his baby brother. “That’s true. But not everyone needs to have a dream to be happy or be inspired. That’s what I think, for myself anyways. There’s something I haven’t shared with you and I guess now's a good of enough time as any. I...I actually do have a dream.” Yoongi doesn’t say anything, though Jun Ki expects the silence. “Sometimes at night, I dream about you one day being happy, and I wake up emotional - hah...I know the only way that’ll happen is if music is a part of your life. Those dreams are so vivid that I can’t not believe them, though. I know it’ll happen like I know the sky is blue, and deep down you know it, too. I think your journey is a lot longer than that fall you’re thinking about making. Wouldn’t it be a shame if no one got to hear your music?” Jun Ki smiles when Yoongi steps back over the railing and away from the ledge.
He turns to his brother with burning eyes and runs into his warm arms. Jun Ki opens his long coat to bring his small brother against his chest before wrapping them both up again. Yoongi trembles violently, sobs wracking his entire body with a force his brother has never known.
“I’m so sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry, hyung! P-Please don’t be m-mad!” Yoongi can’t control the apologies being ripped from his tongue nor the lack of strength in his legs now that all his adrenaline is gone, but his brother treats neither like a hindrance and gladly lets the other’s weight melt into his body. His baby brother.
“Don’t let them see the worst of you, show them the best,” Jun Ki whispers in Yoongi’s
wind-tousled hair.
Yoongi nods in tiny, jerky movements, “I will.”
Jun Ki kisses the top of his head, finally letting his own tears fall silently. His baby brother.-
He has no idea why he’s struck with such a memory, and it only makes him more homesick than ever. He doesn’t nap, too high strung on aching memories he thought he forced himself to forget. Instead, he calls his brother and let’s their basic conversation comfort his trembling body.
Yoongi doesn’t want to regress anymore and cause more fighting, he didn’t even know how much of a hassle he was. It’s hard containing his Little Space, but he’s been good for the past two days and he hopes to continue until the boys no longer think him a nuisance. In doing so, he unknowingly separates himself from the group during break times, only opting to communicate when they are the ones to initiate the conversations or when one of their managers speaks with them. Maybe because it makes things easier, he couldn’t last if he spoke to Seokjin right now. The older boy’s mere presence can sometimes send him back twenty years, until he’s giggling and babbling nonsense. He can’t succumb to that when he’s been a bad boy without even realizing it.
Namseon is quick to notice the tense aura around Yoongi and the easygoing nature of the other boys, and maybe Sejin does too but chooses not to voice it, or maybe he doesn’t because he wasn’t there to watch the intimacy to speculate something is off. It’s either the boys are well-trained with their public facades, or they truly aren’t aware of Yoongi’s discomfort the past couple days. Now could be his chance, though, Yoongi clearly isn’t good at hiding his anxiety with it being written all over his poor thumbs. That alone provides him with enough motive to take him aside and speak with him, break his walls down gently. First, he needs to build up his courage, needs to give himself a pep talk before confronting Yoongi about his sudden withdrawal from the group. He can’t misstep this.
When it’s time to go back into the dance room, Yoongi stays behind to grab another water bottle from the cooler. Namseon takes his chance and
brings all his classes on human communication into practice, maybe even manipulation if Yoongi isn't aware of what he's doing.
“Hey, kiddo,” Namseon tries to sound as familiar as the other company managers, using one of the pet names that Sejin uses.
“Hm,” Startled, Yoongi looks up from the cooler and makes eye contact with Namseon before quickly dodging them again. “Hi, hyung.”
Yoongi looks back to the cooler and stops midway through reaching his hand in, realizing it’s lacking water. Great, they’ve run out again and after dance is vocal rehearsal. Namseon hears the frustrated sigh and genuinely wants to know what’s bothering the younger boy, why he’s distancing himself from the others.
“What’s wrong?” Namseon asks kindly, trying not to sound too worried.
“Oh, um, there’s no more water bottles,” Yoongi stands up and watches the lid close. “It’s okay, I can go without one.”
“Being dehydrated isn’t an option,” He tries to sound playful,
to seem like he’s a joking friend - anything to make the boys like him more and beg the company not to let him go. So, he’s confused when Yoongi looks shy suddenly, his hand rubbing at his opposite arm’s elbow, but he continues anyways, “I’ll go out and buy more. Practice just started so you’ll need the water. Sorry we forgot to bring some in the first place, must’ve been too distracted.” He shouldn’t have been, as the intern it’s now his job to take care of these small things which are becoming hard to keep track of. He needs to work on his organizational skills more.
“I-It’s okay,” Yoongi still looks apologetic but begins to back away, trying to end the conversation by removing himself. “I have to get to practice now.”
“Yes, yes, of course,” Namseon blushes with guilt for keeping the younger boy. “Go have fun and try not to overwork yourself. If Sejin hyung asks where I went, let him know I’m getting more water.”
“Okay,” Yoongi says before leaving the room.
The silence feels stuffy, the awkward tension making him even more embarrassed. If he can barely converse with the boys, how does he expect to gain their trust, let alone take over the company? He dreams too big for his ego. Oh...dammit. He was supposed to ask about what was bothering him. He kicks the edge of a chair and watches it tumble over, fear making him jump and look around frantically to be sure no one is here to witness his anger.
When he returns, he’s holding a carrier with iced coffees for his bosses and one for Yoongi, a pack of water bottles for the boys, and a fruit platter to snack on. It was a quick trip with a convenient store being around the corner, though it would’ve been faster if he hadn’t stopped for coffee, which he’s been getting everyday hoping that once they let him go they might miss him. When he walks into the break room, it’s as empty as he left it, this time the chair is standing upright again and he winces. He leaves the carrier of coffees and fruit on the table and makes his way to the dance room.
Dance is going well, but that’s to be expected with such an experienced group. These dances are so drilled into them that it’s as easy as walking. Yoongi’s right shoulder bothers him, having slept on it wrong last night since he's been refusing himself Brownies and the pacifier Jungkook surprised him with. Little Space always provides him with the best sleep, but he can’t burden the others right now, and they haven’t asked him about it so he assumes he’s doing them a favor.
Yoongi chugs down an entire water bottle until it’s dry when he removes it from his lips. He didn’t realize how parched he was. Namseon smiles fondly.
“Thank you Namseon hyung!” The boys cheer happily as they each take a water bottle and happily munch on fruit.
Namseon beams with pride at being able to provide for his boys. It would be so wonderful to work here permanently.
After an hour more of practice, Yoongi is shifting uncomfortably while he waits for the next song to start. Hoseok has been watching him since he downed the water bottle and is shocked at how well he can hold his bladder. He swears to God if he wets himself during practice he’s not going to know what the hell to do. He knows he’ll most likely slip right into Little Space and they can’t do that right now, no matter how much he misses it.
“Yoongi hyung,” Hoseok makes sure to subtly stress the ‘hyung’ part. They’ve made the mistake of calling him ‘hyung’ while in Little Space and he came right out of it. “Go to the bathroom before we start the next dance.”
Yoongi doesn’t say anything, just walks out of the room without trying to look too desperate. He has no idea why he's been holding it for so long, he could’ve gone any time he liked. Maybe it's that fuzzy haze outlining his vision that has him wait for his Caregiver’s attention, but Hoseok pulled him back, and now his bladder is painfully close to bursting.
The new intern
walks down the long stretched hallway, just finishing his report to Bang PD, when Yoongi rushes toward him. He steps fast, eyes looking right through him, and Namseon would be lying if he said he wasn’t intimidated right now.
“What’s wrong, Yoongi-ah?” Namseon asks when Yoongi gets closer.
“Hi, Namseon hyung,” Yoongi quickly, breathily greets.
“Why the rush?” Namseon tries to get an answer out of the speedy boy.
“S-Sorry, I just really have to go to the bathroom,” Yoongi sees the bathroom door and stutters in his step when he hears Namseon chuckle behind him.
“Cute,” Namseon mutters.
Yoongi blushes, but the fuzzy haze outlining his mind grows thicker with that simple word. He craves someone to take care of him right now, but he has a rule and that’s not being allowed to go into Little Space while in public. He doesn’t even know Namseon...but he can’t deny how kind their intern is turning out to be. He’s always worrying about them, so eager to help any issues they might have, taking care of them just as their permanent staff would, and he's always quick to give the boys their personal space. Like the way his Caregivers act, except now they’re tired all the time and with rehearsals starting again they’re all napping by the time they get home. When Yoongi saunters out of the bathroom feeling relaxed again, he sees Namseon leaning against the wall near the dance room.
“Feel better?” Namseon chuckles. Yoongi blushes but nods minutely. “Look, um, I’m not sure if I’m overstepping my bounds, but as the intern and I guess manager in training, it’s my job to make sure the team is okay.”
Yoongi nods, not knowing where this is going. Namseon always makes sure the others are comfortable before asking a question, always has to make sure he doesn’t mean to offend before doing simply that and Yoongi isn’t sure if he’s ignorant or innocent.
“I’ve noticed how you and the boys aren’t speaking like normal and it’s affecting the atmosphere. Now, you don’t have to tell me what’s wrong, that’s personal and between you and the boys, but I think you guys should work it out tonight,” Namseon suggests. “It’s clearly stressing you out and I’d like this to be a fun environment.” Yoongi nods, hand rubbing his elbow again. Namseon smiles encouragingly. “How about this,” His voice becomes laced in a mimicry of the gentle tone that the boys used on Yoongi a few days ago. “If you try really, really hard to play nice, I’ll let you have your surprise.”
Yoongi can feel himself tremor softly with the effort to resist slipping, although the promise of a present is always something that makes him regress. It’s typically when he’s been a good boy and the boys buy him new colouring books or treats, the thought of what Namseon might bring has his mind buzzing. Does that mean he’s been a good boy today? The part of his brain that halts at the change of voice in Namseon is overshadowed by his Headspace that begs to know what the present is. Digging out of the Headspace he’s been holding back is much like swimming through honey in
swiftly cooling temperature, but he doesn’t dare stop swimming no matter how thick the goo becomes. He’s been emotional all day, stressed, and in need of someone to take care of him, hearing the soft words from Namseon is both terrifying and so very trusting. Someone with a lot of power offering to bring him a gift for being good is sort of like being a super protective Caregiver. He’s always thought about what it would be like if he could play with Sejin as a Little, but squashes it as soon as
the thought surfaces.
Namseon notices his hesitation and, doing what he’s seen Namjoon do countless times, gives a small poke to Yoongi’s stomach to gain his attention back. It’s unexpected, when the poke makes Yoongi gasp before a shy and rosey smile forces itself onto his face, and Namseon freezes, his mind not being able to understand what the hell just happened or why he himself did that. No- of course he does, it’s because Namjoon does it and he wants to figure out what the actual fuck is going on around here.
Yoongi’s anxiety is through the roof because he can’t control his Little Space and he almost slipped completely with that out of the blue poke. He glances at the practice room’s door and wonders if the boys are waiting for him, if one of them would come looking for him to wonder why it’s taking so long to pee. At first he didn’t want to regress, now he wants to so bad but can’t .
Namseon feels his own anxiety levels rise at the reaction he unpredictably got. It took so much courage to poke the young Idol’s stomach because of the absolute ridiculousness of the act, but the result is more shocking than what he could have ever thought. He can’t stop now, though, he might as well keep diving into these confusing waters.
“Did you hear me, kiddo?” Namseon asks. Yoongi screams at the use of a pet name at a distressing time like this. “How about I just tell you what the surprise is?”
Yoongi can’t stop himself from nodding eagerly, nearly crying because of an emerging panic attack. Please, pleeaase get a hold of yourself! His heart thuds erratically, his mind spinning from want and resistance, and he prays Namseon can’t see the sweat on his forehead that’s likely about to roll down his pale face. He just wants to be Little! He wants that itch, that bubbly feeling in his tummy to go away before it consumes him. But that itch only grows stronger in the back of his mind, and it has him near frustrating tears.
“I bought you an Iced Americano and if you play nice with the boys, I’ll buy you one everyday after rehearsals all the way up to your interview next week,” Namseon tells him. “I know you like coffee and I think having a treat will be helpful in getting you relaxed, maybe get you to stop that nasty habit picking your thumbs. You’re so tense this week, are you sure there’s nothing you wanna tell hyung?”
Yoongi is quiet, doesn’t say anything because that fog in his head makes it hard to focus enough to speak anything coherent. As if he doesn’t know how to put the words in his head into a proper sentence.
Yoongi only nods, eyes large yet cautious. “Please?” Is all Yoongi whispers out, but it has Namseon shaking with nerves.
“Please?” Namseon doesn’t know what’s going on anymore or why Yoongi is looking at him like that. “Please to the coffee or telling me why you’re stressed?”
“Coffee,” Yoongi shyly ducks his head, hoping he’d follow through with his promise.
Namseon shivers. Okay enough for today, it’s getting weird.
“You got it, bud,” Namseon says, trying to mask how freaked out he sounds.
He has no idea know how far he can go with this new submissive Yoongi. It’s as if his entire dynamic just flipped upside down. Isn’t he supposed to hate aegyo? Not that he fucking asked for aegyo! Those eyes - those fucking eyes lit up in the most vulnerable way as they looked at him, as if Namseon could say anything and Yoongi would agree to it, would trust him. It's like...It's like he's in some kind of subspace. That means his thoughts are true, the wild thoughts that ruin his appetite every night are true. He really is Bangtan’s whore. All it takes is a couple sweet words and coffee to earn his trust to be so submissive in front of him. Is that why the boys baby him, because the savage, hardcore rapper and producer Agust D secretly loves to be dominated in the bedroom? He wants to vomit, a tight pinch hurting his stomach at the mere thought of it. They’re a group of influencers for crying out loud! They don’t have time for shit like that! And Yoongi better not think Namseon wants to be involved, oh for the sweet love of- he needs to get out of this situation.
“O-” He coughs, clearing his throat. “Okay, Yoongi-ah, go back to practice and work hard,” He diffuses the situation by making his voice normal again and pats him on the back harder than he should’ve. This is so, so, so fucking weird.
The smack on his back stings, reeling him back to his senses, albeit somewhat startled. Should he tell the boys what just happened? He opens the practice door to see their tired faces masked by sleep deprived hyper activity, all of them offering him a small smile. He shouldn’t tell them, they do too much for him already.
The rest of the week is without major hiccups. Namseon keeps his promise and buys Yoongi coffee, not saying a word nor looking the other boy in the eyes, Yoongi continues his restrictive behavior, and the boys are beginning to wonder why Little Yoongi hasn’t made an appearance in a while. It concerns them but then again it ultimately comforts them because Yoongi only ever regressed when he was stressed, so this must mean he’s doing better.
It’s now day six after Namseon’s freak-out encounter - he still doesn’t know where to begin analyzing that - when Yoongi approaches him after a meeting.
“Namseon hyung?” Yoongi tries to get the older man’s attention as they walk down the hall.
Namseon breathes deeper than normal in the attempt to relax his heart rate. He turns back to Yoongi, regretting the way they stray from the others.
“Yes, Yoongi-ah?” He’ll stick to his name.
“Can I see Bang PD hyung? I have a question about our next performance. I put in a request with the audio team and want to make sure everything is understandable,” Yoongi relays.
In truth, he’s anxious about his leg injury as it doesn’t seem to be getting better no matter how much they massage and ice bath it. Maybe he's too stressed for his body to relax.
“Isn’t that something you can usually go over
once we get to the stadium? I’m sure it would make more sense being said in person rather than through a middle man,” Namseon honestly doesn’t think it’s something the CEO needs to worry about but Yoongi grows upset at his words.
“I just want to speak with him,” Yoongi huffs, annoyed that Bang PD gave someone else the right to deny them. “Y’know, whatever, I’ll just call him myself.” He dismisses himself from the unfinished conversation and takes out his phone, turning his back on the older man.
Quick-tempered little shit, Namseon fumes mentally. If Bang PD clearly gave orders to the boys to go through him first, why can’t Yoongi just listen and not throw this stupid tantrum?
His anger gets the best of him and takes the phone away from Yoongi’s hands.
“Yoongi-ah, your stress doesn’t equal everyone else’s stress,” Namseon stills himself before continuing in a more kind tone. A kindness that distinctively sounds like patronizing, but what he says has Yoongi pulling his hand back from reaching for his phone. “It’s selfish to put that much responsibility onto other people, you know. You’ve been withdrawn from the group despite promising me you’d try harder to communicate. I thought we had a deal?” Namseon face morphs into ingenuine sadness, but Yoongi is still guilt ridden by it. “I’m done getting you coffees, I can’t give you treats if you don’t earn them. I’ve been way too lenient simply because you’re young and will make mistakes, but I can’t enable the same mistake time after time again with little to no progress. You’re a grown man, Yoongi-ah, so are your group members, and they all have to go through the exact same interviews and performances as you, so why are you like so against talking to them? Namjoon-ah is the one who does all the talking, why are you stressed?” Namseon really wishes they would make up, he doesn’t even need to know why they’re fighting, he just wants that familial warmth he walked into when he got here to come back.
“I’m basically like another manager, you can tell me anything you have to tell Band PD hyung, okay? And if I think it’s serious, I’ll let him know about it but if it isn’t, you have to trust me when I say no. You and I both know he’s a very busy guy, trying to pave you boys the brightest futures. If I bring him something simple, it’ll make me look bad, and he’ll think you can’t solve all of your own problems,” Namseon hands Yoongi his phone back. “I apologize for taking your phone, that was very rude of me. I was just thinking of Bang PD hyung.”
Yoongi has no qualms with anything Namseon said, everything is true and he said it in such a way that his usual temper didn’t block anything out. However, it’s still a gentle scolding and he feels like such a bad boy because of it. He takes his phone back and pockets it with fumbling fingers. He misses his Caregivers but Namseon is right. His stress isn’t the boys’ stress, and he’s asked for far too much. That’s why they were arguing over who has to take care of him in the first place, not once mentioning how Yoongi needs to take care of himself. How could he have been so narcissistic.
The intern
catches Yoongi’s bottom lip quiver before he sucks it in to nibble on anxiously. Namseon’s eyes widen and his stomach drops with remorse. He shouldn’t have been so harsh.
“Hey, hey, please don’t,” Namseon looks around the empty hall for anyone at all. “Shit,” He whispers under his breath. “It’s okay, don’t beat yourself up. You’re still young and you’re learning.”
He hovers a second too, long merging into awkward, before he places a hand on Yoongi’s back. Yoongi wants to shrink back but stays where he is, focusing on controlling his emotional disruption.
“I’m going to go to the break room now,” Yoongi gathers himself enough to speak without feeling choked up. He swallows through the tense walls of his throat and steps away from Namseon’s hand.
“Of course,” Namseon claps his hands
self-consciously before remembering. “Oh um...I might’ve bought you a coffee already for today, so you can have this last one if- if you want.” Namseon should’ve just stopped while he was ahead.
He watches Yoongi’s expression grow more guilty as he shakes his head.
“No, that’s okay. Thank you, hyung.”
And with that, Yoongi is scurrying off to the boys to make amends. Namseon has no idea why he feels so terrible for saying the truth, he could’ve been a lot worse and besides he’s not here for the boy’s pleasantry. He’s here to learn their secret, and now that he knows how submissive Yoongi truly is, it’ll make secrets easier to get out of him.
“Right,” Namseon’s self agreement is barely audible in the quiet hallway. “Ha, this is Bangtan’s little whore I'm feeling sorry for. I’m sure secrets aren’t the only things I can get out of him.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

The dorm is quiet.

With it being Sunday morning and nothing to do, there lies an eerie silence that buzzes with a high pitched static. Whatever was on their schedule had been cleared for the entire day, something about a disagreement for what the boys would be doing, leaving them bored and unsure of what to do. They’ve already caught up on sleep, resting any further would just be uncomfortable and greedy. There’s the rest of the day to do something,

anything,

but nothing comes to mind. It’s that type of mind numbing boredom that makes them pick fights with each other for the smallest of things, like: sitting too close, for walking into the room too annoyingly, for eating sloppily, for walking too leisurely in front of the TV. Before today, it seemed that for some reason their days had been so full of purpose, so packed with things to do even outside of their Idol lifestyle. What had they been doing all that time?

Namjoon jumps off the couch before he falls asleep again, and heads to Yoongi’s room. The door is left cracked, so he assumes it’s a free entry.

“Yoonie baby~” Namjoon’s playful smile vanishes at the sight of an empty room, the smell of his floral candle still lingering in the stagnant air. He didn't hear anything in the kitchen but maybe he went down for a snack.

Namjoon bounds out of the room in hopes of finding his hyung but is once again met with an empty room.

“Where is he?” His once playful attitude is seeping with irritation because Yoongi never told him where he was going, let alone that he was leaving. He must’ve snuck away while he was passed out on the couch to the sound of discovery channel playing.

After asking the boys of the house where Yoongi is and having zero luck, he decides to pull out his phone. He couldn’t get ahold of Seokjin or Jungkook, but he’s certain Yoongi didn’t wake up at 6AM to go to the gym; he’s most likely at his studio. He sends a short text [
Where are you?
] because he knows Yoongi won’t take the time to read anything from them that’s any longer than a sentence.

From: Yoongi

Studio

Namjoon sighs and shoves his phone in his pant pocket. Yoongi should’ve told someone where he was going. He stops himself from whipping his phone out again and hitting the call button, his countenance now confused more than annoyed as he makes a sudden realization. Yoongi hasn’t been in Little Space for more than half the month, he’s been Big after that slip up in the break room. If Yoongi were truly doing fine, his thumbs’ nail beds wouldn’t be looking red and abused right now. There’s always a time period where Yoongi lets himself heal, tries to break the habit until he eventually succumbs to it once again, trying to hide his poor thumbs from the boys and ultimately failing. He takes up his coat and puts it on swiftly.

“Can I come?” Taehyung asks, startling Namjoon.

The younger boy gets up from the couch and jogs over to Namjoon, his bare feet smacking against the wooden floor.

“Do you even know where I’m going?” Namjoon asks.

“No,” Taehyung looks vacantly at Namjoon before grabbing his own jacket and walking towards the door. “Lets go! I’m hungry”

“I'm not getting food,” Namjoon says, but Taehyung didn’t wait for a response and is already out the door. “Put your shoes on!”

Namjoon alerts their driver and lets him meet them at the front entrance before escorting them out of the building.

“So, where are we going?” Taehyung asks once they’re settled in the car.

“Hyung’s in his studio at the company, we’re just gonna check up on’em,” Namjoon doesn’t want Taehyung to know how concerned he is.

“He’s been distancing himself from us lately...I guess I wasn’t the only one who noticed,” Taehyung comments in the otherwise silent car.

-

The doorbell chimes several times in succession, breaking Yoongi out of his focus. It’s probably Namjoon so he’ll make him wait a bit longer. He just needs to make a few more adjustments before he forgets it entirely. Once satisfied, he gets up to answer the door, halfway hoping that Namjoon has already left. When he opens the door, his eyes widen momentarily when he’s startled to see Namseon instead and feels terrible for making him wait.

“Oh! Sorry, Namseon hyung, I-I thought it was Namjoon-ah,” Yoongi backsteps and lets Namseon enter his studio before closing his door.

He usually doesn’t let just anyone in, but it seems that the company really likes Namseon, they even made a point to hold a private meeting without him to talk about maybe keeping the hard worker permanently. So he’ll humor the guy and let him see where the magic happens.

“Wow~ You have an amazing setup,” Namseon can’t close his mouth. “The famous

Genius Lab

I’ve only ever had the pleasure of seeing photos of

.

”

His desk is covered by numerous keyboards of different styles and sizes, looping machines, monitors covered in programs he can’t pretend to understand, speakers, microphones, figurines, trophies, albums, candles - everything is so nice and historical in here.

“Thank you,” Yoongi shyly sits back down and looks up to his could-be-new-manager’s-assistant. “Did you need to tell me something?”

“Yeah,” Namseon sits on the couch and sets his satchel beside him, not bothering to take it off his person. He notices something red and realizes there’s a stuffed bear on the couch as well, and grins with slight amusement. “This is cute,” He gestures to the bear.

“It was a gift,” Yoongi response is clipped and he grows tense when Namseon picks it up, holding it in his unfamiliar hands.

“From who?” Namseon asks, not taking his eyes off Yoongi, who’s looking more and more tense the longer he squishes and fondles the bear.

“Kook,” Is all Yoongi says.

“Very cute teddy bear,” Namseon sets it back beside him and notes how Yoongi relaxes. Why would Jungkook give him this now? Yoongi’s birthday hasn’t happened yet. And a teddy bear of all things...He puts it to the back of his mind. The boys collect random shit all the time.

“I won’t take up much of your time, I swear. I just wanted to say I really appreciate your work ethic and you being here on your off day. Although, you really shouldn’t be here, and some of the other managers volunteered me to come in and convince you to go home- but I think you’re doing fine,” Namseon smiles proudly, because it’s true, he does appreciate everything Yoongi does for the group and company and he’s too excited to hear the new music when it’s finished. “This career is really important to you, huh?”

“Well yeah,” Yoongi chuckles like it’s obvious. “Music is my life.”

“I can tell,” Namseon chuckles as well, loving the ease of Yoongi’s smile. He’s been so happy with his career lately, with his overall life. He’s never seen, nor heard of, this boy ever being so euphoric... “You’d do anything to stay this way, wouldn’t you?”

“Um,” Yoongi cocks his head, giving the inquiry much thought. “I don’t know. Our time is going to have to end at some point, I’m just happy for now. This journey has been so amazing, and our fans have helped us experience every single dream we speak. I’ll be happy however this ends.”

“Oh c’mon, like I believe that for a second. You just said music is your life, well music is gonna be around forever, kid. It’ll be here for as long as you live; if music is your life, you’ll be nothing without it,” His tone takes on a serious note that makes Yoongi’s palms sweat. He tries not to think of it like that, thoughts like that lead him down a dark path. “For example,

I

want to manage my own group at some point, and I’m praying that by working here I’ll acquire a name for myself. That being said, I’d do

anything

for an opportunity like that. It’s my life’s dream and purpose. That feeling won’t just go away because I’m old,” Namseon says.

“Why are you telling me this?” Yoongi feels uncomfortable, the atmosphere becoming strange and unknown. He has the feeling he shouldn’t have let Namseon in.

“Because you’ve been stressed, Yoongi-ah, I can tell. You’re compensating by overworking yourself and ignoring all other responsibilities, when you

should

be at home taking care of your health. Have the boys been giving you a hard time or something? Are they denying you something? Something you might like or

need

, anything at all?” Namseon’s voice remains calm, a twinge of worry seeping into his words, that practiced concern he’s learned from so many others. “Are you trying to earn something? Trying to be good? It’s okay, you can tell me.”

“Have they been- what? No, they’re not...I’m sorry, why are you here, hyung?” Yoongi doesn’t like the smile that won’t leave the other man’s face. The barrage of questions truly came out of nowhere, they’re oddly worded and confusing his mind. The boys haven’t done anything wrong.

“I’m just here to make sure everything is going alright between you buys,” Namseon says calmly.

“We’re-We’re doing fine,” Yoongi is offended, this man has the audacity to believe the boys are mad at him, as if Yoongi could’ve done something to deserve their anger. Unless they told Namseon in private…like how they spoke about who’s turn it was to handle him. Maybe they

are

mad, not annoyed. His palms won’t stop sweating, the same warmth beginning to blossom on his forehead.

“Then why are you here?” Namseon counters. “Hiding.”

Yoongi sputters before controlling his temper. “I’m not-! I’m

working

. I’ll go home when I’m done.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” Namseon feigns hurt. “I accept your apology as well.”

“I have nothing to apologize for,” Yoongi leans back against his chair and studies Namseon for any kind of reaction at all, but the man is oddly calm - save for the vein beginning to hammer on his temple. “I accept your apology for coming into my studio and making accusations, but I don’t think I need to apologize.”

“Are you forgetting that I’m your hyung? Why are you scolding me?” Namseon sounds irate, yet somehow manages to mask it through his calm and almost nonchalant behavior. His smile that remains plastered to his face becomes strained and uncomfortable to look at.

“It’s b-because you’re asking me weird questions,” Yoongi doesn’t like whatever is radiating off the other man. His calm demeanor, his happy go lucky attitude fits too well onto his face, too well onto this situation that’s starting to go south in Yoongi’s opinion. He knows these kinds of people, the ones who let their anger simmer inside, the people who let their intelligent words be their weapon of choice- at least, until they boil over. Yoongi’s fingers dig into the armrests of his chair, wishing and praying Namseon would just. Stop. Smiling.

“I know your secret,” Namseon’s bravery is quaking with the force to seem cool headed. He’s stepping into uncharted waters and he could very well end up sinking right here and now, his career taking the plunge he can never return from. However, by the looks of it, it seems as though Yoongi far more uncomfortable than he, so he continues to swim deeper.

“My-My what?” Yoongi can’t breathe, can't swallow passed the choking air of the room. Why does Namseon suddenly seem so intimidating? That glint in his eyes only screams run but Yoongi can’t seem to move his body. Paralyzed to the spot on his chair, his legs trembling and quivering with the thoughts of moving, his stomach recoiling and sinking from the smile that’s starting to have a different meaning. Namseon couldn’t possibly know

any

of the number of secrets he, or possibly, the boys have.

“Stop pretending you’re innocent. I’ve seen how you and the other boys talk to each other,” Namseon chuckles, acting as if their banter is something they’d have over a late dinner with friends. It’s

too

friendly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Yoongi tries to remain calm, a proper reflection of the man across from him. “You’ve never worked with us before, that’s just how we-”

“I’m going to ask you one more time,” The tone Namseon takes on sends an icy chill over Yoongi’s body, like a wave of alarms switched on in his head. He needs to leave.

Namseon leans forward, elbows now resting sharply onto his knees. “After this last time, you are going to tell me the truth, understand Yoongi? Nod for me.”

Yoongi refuses, he’s so confused as to what’s happening, how Namseon has suddenly begun to permeate such a dangerous aura that makes his heart rate skyrocket. He’s so fucking scared to take his eyes off him, as if doing so will let the beast attack.

“

Nod

,” It’s forceful, tight, and impossible to dispute.

Namseon grows impatient and reaches over to grab Yoongi’s foot, the action making him squeak embarrassingly. Namseon pulls him and the chair closer, right until they are basically knees pressed to knees. Yoongi grips hard on the chair’s arms and leans his back and head as far away as possible. Namseon has boiled over.

“I’m going to say this one last time, and this time you’re going to do as your

hyung

says,

got it

,” Namseon snaps, his voice laced with a harsh growl, making Yoongi’s skin crawl.

Still, Yoongi doesn’t give in, he only stares into those unfamiliar eyes. He’s never seen that look before...it’s so...so...Namseon looks like an animal. He looks like how a serial killer would right before they murder you.

Namseon growls and grabs below both of Yoongi’s shoulders in a painful grip, shaking the younger boy violently. When he stops shaking him, Yoongi flinches from the coiling tension growing in his neck; he must’ve tweaked it. The look in Namseon’s eyes makes a drop of pee leak out of him. He knows the older man can feel him trembling. He’s stronger than his body implies, and that is a terrifying realization.

“I got it,” Yoongi gets passed his dry mouth.

“Good boy,” Namseon releases Yoongi’s body and lets the boy fall back in his chair. “You and I both know the relationship you have with the boys isn’t a normal one, they treat you different when no one's looking. Am I wrong?”

“N-No,” Yoongi’s breath burns his nostrils, his chest beginning to ache with the effort to slow his incoming panic.

“No what?” Namseon harshly squeezes the thigh that’s been bothering Yoongi, making him yelp with a small hop.

“No, you’re not wrong,” Yoongi quickly clarifies.

“So then tell me, why do they treat you like that?” Namseon asks calm, his finger tapping against Yoongi’s leg - a reminder of the pain that will come if he doesn’t comply.

“B-Because I’m…” Yoongi doesn’t know how to answer, what if this isn’t even the secret he wants to know about. However...what else could it be? All the questions lead to this one answer. Namseon forms a crushing grip on Yoongi’s leg at his slight hesitation, making him cry out from the pain.

He reaches down to pry his fingers off, but he makes it worse by using his second hand, an excruciating fire licks up is leg and punches his stomach.

“I’m their-their baby…” Yoongi says with his harsh breaths.

Namseon smiles and laughter soon follows. He’s still hurting the smaller boy, his own hand big enough to wrap the top of Yoongi’s thighs. That small fact sends a thrill through him and he squeezes harder before finally releasing the boy with another bout of laughter. Yoongi whimpers from the close proximity, and tries to push away.

“No, no, I’m not done yet,” Namseon returns his hand and squeezes hard enough to stop the boys movements. Yoongi tenses and closes his eyes against the pain with a sharp hiss from the intense electrifying pain going up his leg. “Tell me everything they do to you.”

Yoongi is lost, dizzied, by the pain and he’s become confused after closing his eyes. His brain not being able to keep up with the moment.

“Look at me,” Namseon lets go of his leg and grabs Yoongi’s chin to bring his face toward his.

“I need air,” Yoongi tries to get up from his chair so Namseon pushes him harshly, making the former stumble and fall back onto the chair. The armrest digs bruisingly into his hip with a brutal force and his head smacks against the floor.

If Namseon truly knows of Little Space, he’s not sure how this’ll end. Does Namseon hate Littles? Would he tell their company? He needs the boys, he needs his hyung. It’s been so long since his last regression, stress at this level feels like a vice around his mind, pulling him further and further away from coherency. If he continues to be pinned down, he knows he’s going to slip, and he can’t do that in front of Namseon.

He squirms in his place on the floor, a low moan the only way for Namseon to know he hasn’t passed out. Yoongi pulls himself toward the door but Namseon steps in front of it.

“
TELL ME!
!” Namseon doesn’t know why he yells, but the fear in Yoongi’s eyes paralyzes him, brings him back to reality. What’s gotten into him? Why is he doing this? Is Yoongi hurt? “Please, tell me,” he says with a softer tone.

Namseon leans down to help Yoongi up but the younger boy whimpers and smacks a hand away.

“No! Get out! Get out!” Yoongi can’t breathe. His entire body feels shaky and uncoordinated when he lifts himself onto his feet. “Move!”

Yoongi needs to get out his studio, he needs to see the boys.

“Okay…” Yoongi has no idea why Namseon looks sad, why he thinks

he

should be upset. But then that look morphs again and he has a hand around Yoongi’s neck in an instant, not pressing, just there to remind him of what could be done.

“If you tell anyone about this,” Namseon rubs his thumb in a mock soothing manner under Yoongi’s ear. “Then I’ll hurt Jimin.”

“W-What?” Yoongi gasps, not expecting that.

He continues with a smile, his voice edging on psychotic, “Then I’ll hurt Jungkook. Then I’ll hurt Taehyung. Then I’ll hurt Namjoon. Then I’ll hurt Hoseok. And I’ll save your hyung last, I’ll hurt him so good. And then I’ll hurt you, Yoongi, I’ll hurt you. Or would you like me to think bigger? Perhaps I should start with poisoning Bang Si-Hyuk? The man you all look up to like a daddy. Want me to hurt daddy?”

“No, please don’t,” Yoongi’s vision clouds over, his tears finally making an appearance.

Namseon gets closer to his face, they almost collide lips when Namseon diverts his objective and goes to Yoongi’s ear. His dead skin of his lips scratch the delicate skin of his ear.

“Then you will tell

no one

about this, you won’t even bring it up to me. After today, this never happened and you are to go back to normal,” Namseon’s whisper runs cold over Yoongi, who nods feebly. “I need words,

whore

.”

The tears stream down his face, but he doesn’t let it become a hindrance. His life isn’t the only one being threatened here.

“I won’t tell anyone, I promise. This never happened. Please don’t hurt anyone!” Yoongi shudders when Namseon presses his chapped lips up against his ear.

“Good boy,” He whispers huskily, licking his earlobe with a low chuckle.

And just like that, he’s released and left to pant against the wall. Namseon smiles, it finally tips Yoongi over and he slides down the wall with harsh breaths.

-

“He shouldn’t be here so long today, it’s our day off. We can come back tomorrow morning if he’s that adamant to work,” Namjoon says as they walk through the empty hall toward Yoongi’s studio. “Even most of the staff isn’t here.”

“That never changes anything for him,” Taehyung reminds him. “He can live in there for days and still won’t see the problem. He even has his shower stuff in there.”

Namjoon’s all too aware and hopes they can speak some sense into the older boy, get him to relax even if that doesn’t necessarily entail Little Space. The boys hear footfalls and clothes rustling down the hall and wonder if Yoongi’s already on his way back.

Namseon rounds the corner and sees Namjoon with Taehyung, he offers them a smile that reaches his eyes.

“Hey, kiddos, what are you two doing here?” Namseon asks.

“Yoongi hyung has probably been locked up in his studio all day, we just wanted to take him home,” Namjoon tells the older man.

“Have you seen him?” Taehyung asks.

“No, I didn’t even know the little guy was here,” Namseon looks disappointed. “I would’ve loved to have seen the studio.”

“You can come with us, maybe you can help convince him to take a break,” Namjoon offers.

“Sorry, I wish I could but I have a meeting I have to get to,” Namseon looks to his watch. “I’m actually a little behind, so I’ll catch up with you boys later. Enjoy your day off!” Namseon calls back to them as he takes up a faster speed down the hall.

They walk the rest of the way to Yoongi’s studio.

Namjoon goes to push the doorbell when his phone begins to ring.

“Oh!” Namjoon startles and reels his finger back, and fishes into his pocket to see Seokjin's name lighting up the screen. “Hi hyung, I’m just about to talk to him...Hm? Yeah I’ll make sure to tell him.”

-

Yoongi’s head snaps out the fetal position he’s in at the sound of the doorbell. He shakes, thinking Namseon has come back and changed his mind. He gathers his strength and goes to the double doors to take a peek. When he sees its in fact Namjoon and Taehyung, he desperately opens the door and runs to the first boy he can. He cries and wails into their chest, falling so deep into his Headspace. He wants to be as far away as possible from the place.

Taehyung holds tightly onto his hyung, feeling his own tears forming but refusing to care in favor of knowing why his hyung is distressed.

The try to waddle back into the studio but Yoongi grows more frantic, and starts screaming.

“No! No!

Please!

Stay!” Yoongi pushes back until they’re no longer in the doorway. “I don’ wike it!”

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Namjoon takes a look around to make sure no one is in the halls, but just like earlier, it seems that most of the staff has gone home.

“I wan’ home!” Yoongi cries desperately, choking on his own building saliva. “Home! Home! P-Pwease!”

“Okay, okay, we’re going home now,” Namjoon looks to Taehyung worriedly. “Stay with him, I’ll go in and get his bag.”

Taehyung nods and watches Namjoon disappear into the studio.

“You’re okay, Tae Tae’s got you,” Taehyung brings a sway to their motion and rubs circles into his back.

“Miss you,” Yoongi whimpers, clutching despairingly onto Taehyung’s jacket. “Up! U-Up! Ta-Ta...Hyung-ie up!”

Yoongi’s panic scratches at his chest, pulling and ripping him open. He needs Taehyung to hold him, to lift him to safety. Taehyung senses the desperation too and quickly lifts the boy onto his left hip as best he can. It helps that Yoongi tries to wrap his legs around his waist and holds his securely with his arms around his neck, now it feels much like he has a weighted harness on. Yoongi feels Taehyung’s heartbeat easier this way, and let’s it lull his own into a steadier rhythm. For some reason, being on the floor feels so vulnerable, as if danger could strike so suddenly. But not in Taehyung’s arms, here’s safe and warm.

“Alright, lets go,” Namjoon closes the doors and makes sure they’re locked before they proceed to walk down the empty hall.

They’re both relieved Yoongi stopped crying, but now there’s that silence again, and having their boy doesn’t ease their minds. Once in the elevator, Namjoon takes this time to talk to Yoongi.

“Hey, baby,” Namjoon goes to stand behind Taehyung to look at Yoongi directly. Yoongi offers a weak smile as a means to cheer up Namjoon, and the latter smiles back and brushes a few hairs away from Yoongi’s nose. “We’re about to go outside, so I need you to be a big boy for just a little bit, but as

soon

as we’re home you can be our precious baby boy again. Can you do that for me?”

Yoongi nods before sniffling once more, “Joonie pwomise?”

“I promise, baby,” Namjoon grabs one of Yoongi’s hands and gives it a couple light kisses. “I know what I’m asking isn’t very fun, but it’s important because you never know what strangers are thinking. Sometimes people aren’t as nice as your Caregivers.”

Yoongi nods, putting all of his trust in the boys. He relaxes for a moment before pushing all of his urges out of sight. He wiggles and pats Taehyung’s arm, signaling he can be put down.

“Are you okay, hyung?” Taehyung asks, rubbing his hand up and down Yoongi’s arm.

“Yeah,” It’s a small whisper that no one in the elevator believes. Yoongi stands closer to Taehyung and tentatively holds his hand, and the younger boy gladly intertwines their fingers with a gentle squeeze.

Once back in their car, Yoongi drifts to sleep against Taehyung’s shoulder. Namjoon takes this moment to quietly discuss what he saw in the studio. He eyes the driver before getting Taehyung’s attention.

“I saw something weird in hyung’s studio. His chair was tipped over, so I guess that could’ve y’know…” Namjoon cautiously eyes the driver again but Taehyung knows that he’s talking about, it’s the probable cause of Yoongi’s regression.

“Then what's so weird about it?” Taehyung asks.

“His chair wasn’t even near the desk, it was facing away from it and toward the couch - in fact, it was basically touching the couch,” Namjoon says. “Why would he have been over there? How would he have fallen? It’s a brand new chair. We can ask if he had a visitor when he’s feeling better.”

-

Yoongi’s regressed further than they've ever seen, and they don’t really know what to do. He won’t talk to them, he only stares at them with curiosity.

“Angel, can you tell me what you want?” Hoseok asks for the fourth time. “Hungry? Is our angel hungry?”

Hoseok looks back to the boys with a befuddled expression. As soon as the boys got home, Yoongi did exactly what Namjoon promised was okay: he went straight into his Headspace. And because no one knew right away, he started to cry and needed to be carried. Now they sit in the living room trying to figure out what Yoongi wants.

Yoongi whimpers again and starts to lightly kick his legs, missing Hoseok’s attention. Hoseok returns to his side and pets Yoongi’s head soothingly, playing with his hair.

“I think he’s regressed even younger than normal,” Namjoon tells the boys. “I swear when we were at the company, he kept sounding younger and younger and couldn’t even make proper sentences.”

“So maybe he’s 1?” Jimin asks. “The last time he was Little he was 3, I think? But he’s not even talking.”

“Maybe,” Namjoon looks to be thinking. Do one year olds act like this? He hasn’t been around kids to know their stages, and he hasn’t read up on anyone younger than how Yoongi regresses.

“Could he be younger? Is that even possible?” Jungkook looks worried, searching his phone for answers but finding nothing that isn’t sexual. It’s starting to irritate him.

“Mm!” Yoongi suddenly chirps up, whimpering shortly after.

They’re small hiccup-like cries, nothing compared to what they experienced earlier.

“Shhh, shhh, I’m right here,” Hoseok kept comforting him, but nothing seems to be working.

“Maybe he’s hungry? When was the last time he ate?” Seokjin asks.

No one knows, he’s been in the studio all day. The silence speaks for itself.

“Okay, lets start there,” Seokjin says.

Jungkook gets up from the floor and walks to the couch to collect their confusing but cute hyung. “C’mon little guy, lets go get some food.”

As soon as Jungkook has Yoongi in his arms, he feels a warmth spread over his front. Everyone gasps, shocked by what they’re witnessing.

“Oh my g- don’t just stand there, do something!” Jungkook whines. “Hyung!”

“Okay, um, get off the rug before it goes down your leg,” Seokjin tells him.

“Are you serious?” Jungkook groans and walks to the wooden part of the floor. “Help me!”

“Actually, lets go to the bathroom, yeah let’s go,” Seokjin says.

No one honestly was expecting this, they aren’t even sure what to do. The deed is already done, the only thing now is to just make sure it doesn’t get on anything that can’t be easily washed or cleaned.

“Jungkook-ah! You’re making a trail!” Jimin whines.

“It’s not me!” Jungkook cries back. This can’t be happening to him. This has got to be the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to him, and to think how Yoongi night react when he learns of what he did.

Everyone seems to be yelling and now Yoongi knows he’s been a bad boy. He starts to cry, not only because his jeans are now uncomfortable, but because his Caregivers are angry.

“It’s okay, Yoon,” Jungkook tries to comfort. “I’m not mad at you, it’s okay.”

Jungkook is surprised that Yoongi’s cries return to whimpers, how fast he understood him even without being able to communicate back.

“Yeah, you’re okay, Yoon. We’re gonna take care of you,” Jungkook gives him a soft smile and almost gets emotional from the trust in Yoongi’s eyes. “It was only an accident, right? You didn’t know.”

“He needs a bath,” Seokjin comments. “So do you,” He says patting Jungkook on the back.

-

It should’ve been difficult getting Yoongi in the bath, but he must’ve been a very compliant baby. That or he’s painfully shy.

“You like bath time, baby?” Namjoon coos.

Yoongi giggles and his eyes twinkle with amusement. He plays with the bubbles and giggles more.

“I’m happy you’re feeling better...you had me worried, well, still worried haha,” Namjoon wipes a bubble cluster off of Yoongi’s cheek. “But that’s nothing a baby should hear about, huh? Let’s finish getting you clean and then figure out what to eat.”

-

“While you guys were taking care of hyung, I ordered these from the convenient store,” Taehyung takes a bag of pull-ups out of his backpack and hands them to Seokjin. “And these.”

He gives him a baby powder bottle as well as baby wipes and rash cream.

“I’m sorry I can’t,” Seokjin finally says after getting handed the last item. Everything is becoming too real, just like when they first found out he was a Little. “We can’t take care of a baby. He’s still our Yoongi, still looks the same. I couldn’t even get him in the tub, I had to leave. Give it Namjoon.”

“Jin hyung,” Taehyung tries to get through to him but he’s already walking away, setting the items down on the counter.

Taehyung sighs and collects the items before going upstairs where he knows Namjoon and Yoongi will be. He walks into Yoongi’s room to see Namjoon and Jimin keeping him company. Taehyung shows them what he bought and hopes he doesn’t get the same reaction as Seokjin.

“How’d you get that without someone seeing you?” Namjoon says panicked.

“I used this grocery app and had them delivered with an anonymous name, it could’ve been anyone, don’t worry,” Taehyung says. “I asked Jim hyung but he’s having a hard time with this…”

“Well...I’m not sure if I’d be able to that either,” Namjoon says honestly. “It was hard enough keeping my eyes closed while drying him off, but closing your eyes doesn’t help...

everything

. It was a little weird.”

“We’ve seen each other naked before,” Taehyung says. They change backstage all the time, sometimes they pull their pants down too fast and the leathers become too sweaty that their underwear goes with it. It happens, and

has

happened, too many times to count. “He needs it.”

“Why can’t

you

do it?” Jimin asks.

“I bought them,” Taehyung deflects, but they know he’s just as uncomfortable. This is far more intimate than any accidental flashing. “Why can’t you?”

“Why can’t we just make him not be this little?” Jimin asks instead.

They look to Yoongi who’s sleeping soundly between the two boys, Taehyung sighs and sits at the foot of the bed.

“Let’s just hope he doesn’t wet himself while he’s sleeping...he must’ve fell pretty hard,” Taehyung says mostly to himself.

Namjoon suddenly jolts and looks Taehyung dead in the eyes, a seriousness radiating off of him.

“That reminds me,” Namjoon doesn’t know how he could’ve forgotten. “We need to get everyone together.”

“But what about hyung? He’s sleeping,” Jimin rubs his back soothingly and smiles when Yoongi mumbles and moves into the touch.

“He’ll be okay, I need to share this now though,” Namjoon says. They take in his serious tone and nod their heads.

-

Jungkook is the last one to join the spontaneous meeting, a small towel still drying his freshly washed hair.

“Okay. Um...I’ll just come out with it. When I was washing Yoongi hyung, I saw bruises on him,” Namjoon begins. “When Tae and I went to his studio, it seemed he was already in Little Space. When I went into his studio, his chair was knocked over.”

“You said this already,” Jungkook mumbles. “And that’s why he was in Little Space. He fell.”

“Correct, but there wasn’t just a bruise from the chair. He has bruises on his left ankle, a small bruise on his right wrist, his upper arms, and his right thigh as well. And they...they all have that same odd look, the shape of it. Multiple shapes with different spot-like-pressure points that seem worse than others. Same with his arms. Both arms, kinda near his shoulders, have the same bruises as his leg. Have any of you been playing rough with him lately? Maybe tried holding him or picking him up and accidentally held a little too tight?” Namjoon looks around the room but there doesn’t seem to be anyone who registers any memory.

“We only lift him from under his arms, who carries someone by lifting them from the outside of their arms?” Jungkook comments. “You’d have to squeeze them just to lift.”

“Yeah…” Namjoon ponders what the youngest just said and doesn’t like where his thoughts are going. Before he can say more, they hear Yoongi’s familiar cries. “We’ll talk more about this later.”

-

Yoongi doesn’t remember much of anything after he got home. Only small bits and pieces, but he’s so happy to be home. He must’ve taken a nap. He sits up and instantly regrets the fast movement. His neck pinches and sends cramp-like-shocks down his back. He whimpers and tries to roll his neck to ease the tension, but each time he finds the knot that same pain jolts him stiff. He slips into Little Space, the fear and memory making him panic straight into his Headspace. Now the only thing he wants is his Caregivers to make his neck feel better.

Jimin is the first to jog into the room, and Yoongi makes grabby hands in his direction.

“Diminie!” Yoongi called out. Jimin relaxes knowing he’s no longer a baby and can speak.

“Hi there, love, waking alone is scary, huh? But I’m here now,” Jimin coos and hugs Yoongi tightly.

“N-No,” Yoongi whimpers. His entire body hurts. “Ouchie!”

“Oh sorry!” Jimin exits the hug, he had completely forgotten about the bruises in his rush to make sure Yoongi was okay. “Did I hurt you, love?”

“Ouchie!” Yoongi points to his neck and begins to rub it. “O-Ouchie!”

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook asks, entering the room.

“He must’ve slept wrong, his neck hurts,” Jimin tells him.

After a long massage, Jungkook comes back with muscle tape so they can help relieve some of the tension.

-

And that’s how their day goes, Yoongi being clingier than normal and jumping between ages. It’s stressful to watch, and Namjoon can’t stop thinking about what happened behind those sound proof doors. Why did he have bruises all over him?
They're the type that could really oy be made by someone else's. And Yoongi hasn’t been Big all day, when asked he refuses so they leave it be. A promise is a promise and Namjoon should know better. He’s clearly had a rough day and needs this. But how long have those bruises been there? Who caused them? And why are they hurting Yoongi? He thought Yoongi trusted them.

“Time to eat!” Seokjin calls through the house.

Taehyung has already set the outside table with everyone’s necessities and started the radio to play a lovely array of music.

They eat pleasantly, and try to enjoy their last moments of their free day. Even Yoongi isn’t so hyper like he could get sometimes. He eats his food quietly and makes little to no mess, which means he’s not too young.

“You want some dessert, sweetheart?” Seokjin asks, taking Yoongi’s now empty plate.

“Yes pwease!” Yoongi smiles bright and excitedly hops in his seat.

“You’re such a good boy! Our little angel has the best manners,” Hoseok coos.

Hoseok gets up from his chair to circle around the table when Yoongi is. He gives him a couple pokes, trying to lighten the worrisome mood around everyone. Just because they aren’t sure what happened to him, doesn’t mean they can’t make him happy now.

“Uncle Hobi! Stob it!” Yoongi gasps between his giggles.

Hoseok freezes and Yoongi is able to breathe properly. Everyone else has seemed to have stopped at what Yoongi said.

“What was that, angel?” Hoseok asks quietly.

“Wha’?” Yoongi tilts his head confused, and giggles from Hoseok’s lost expression.

“Oh my gosh I can’t believe he called you that,” Namjoon cringes. “This is why you shouldn’t teach him things while he’s in Little Space.”

Hoseok’s face takes on a reddish tint as the boys laugh at his embarrassment. Of course he’s wanted it in the past, but he’s just gotten over it, hearing it now is honestly such an intimate moment. He’s both honored and shy.

“Am I Uncle Joon?” Namjoon smiles and Yoongi blushes in return.

Yoongi shakes his head a tiny bit and pouts. “Joonie!”

“But

I’m

Uncle Hobi?” Hoseok asks, a small smile forming on his lips.

“I dunno…” Yoongi doesn’t like everyone’s eyes on him, asking him all of these questions. He didn’t mean to call Hoseok that. “Swipped out.”

“You don’t have to be sorry, angel,” Hoseok beams happily. “Aw, you’re the cutest!”

Yoongi blushes again and tries to hide his face.

Whatever happened, they hope when Yoongi is out of his Headspace he’ll tell them. For now, they can let him be happy.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️
AUTHOR NOTE:I have written TWO DIFFERENT Paths because I understand that this subject isn’t suitable for everyone. The Paths are basically identical, except one doesn’t contain the tag we’re all worried about. Otherwise, it’s the exact same dialogue, actions, character involvement, so on and so on.
⚠️PATH ONE: Chapter Seventeen - GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF VIOLENCE AND GORE⚠️PATH TWO: Chapter Seventeen.0 - MATURE CONTENT, LANGUAGE, GORE (I’ve “taken out” the rape tag for this chapter - there will
not be rape.)

—— more warnings on chapter notes. ——After these two chapters, Chapter Eighteen will continue seamlessly with either Path you choose. I love my soft readers just as much as I love my angst eaters and I really wanted this story to be enjoyed for everyone. That being said, if you choose to ignore my warning and read a trigger, I can’t be held responsible for that. Don’t let your curiosity guide you, do what’s right for your mental health and your heart. I want all my readers to be safe and happy.
This is why I asked my readers to vote — I need to know who my readers are so I can make decisions like this. Sometimes I don’t and continue on with the story how it was intended, but I’m going to try something different this time.

This is an old problem that I still feel needs to be addressed. So let me explain a bit, someone made a comment saying I fish for your inputs and comments. But I really want you guys to know that I’m not forcing anyone to comment anything, I’m fine if you don’t want to or never feel the need to. I love connecting and replying to the people who do comment on my stories, and I want to make sure you know that I do read the message you write.

I’ve made so many friends from here and I’m sorry if you think that I’m “fishing” for comments. I don’t take any of my readers for granted, and I always try to put out quality work as fast as I can because it’s honestly the only thing I can provide for all the love you show me. The world has so much hate already in it, why add more? You don’t like my stories, here’s an easy solution: don’t read. I’ve never changed my username, remember it and know “Hey, she writes that fucked up shit I don’t fuck with” and move on. Oh- oh my gosh! That was so easy. #AndRepeat
I try not to curse (outside of my stories), but if im passionate about something, I give zero fucks.
I fucking love all the people who give the love we so desperately need in this world 💜

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

SEVENTEEN
He’s A Little Devastated

“FUCK!! FUCK!!”
Namseon swings his hands destructively over the contents that once covered his coffee table, as they now lay scattered and broken on the floor. His breath heaves shallow in his chest, he punches the wooden table several times until his fist begins to go numb, not that he feels the pain to begin with. The entirety of him is sizzling with a need to hit, gnaw, kick, rip apart. The more those thoughts swirl through his mind, the more he itches to act upon those urges — like an addiction that needs feeding. He’s been doing so well, though, keeping his anger in check and away from innocent people. He knows he overreacts, he knows he loses control, but once those urges take him all else melts away and he moves based on those delicious urges. To itch something taboo makes it all the more mouth watering. Except, he fucked up today. He lost control when he shouldn’t have, when all he wanted to do was talk! He punches the table one last time for good measure.
Yoongi wasn’t meant to get hurt, he wasn’t meant to look so terrified of him as if he were some maniac. Namseon went in that studio with the intentions of asking what was bothering him, that’s genuinely the only thing...But then the young boy began reacting with such intrigue that Namseon kept prying and going well beyond the point of personal space. Then he grabbed his foot. The younger boy was ignoring him, he was ignoring the fact that Namseon is older and he should have given the respect he fucking deserves. However, he shouldn’t have touched the boy at all. He should’ve used his words, they were affecting Yoongi perfectly fine, there was no need to get physical. Then again, the moment he grabbed that tiny ankle, gave slack to his mental leash just a tad to really squeeze that bony appendage, he felt warm when Yoongi yelped. He wanted more of that warmth, to drink it up and savor it on his tongue, he needed it to cover his body and fill him on the inside. It was only a test, he wanted to hold him, to feel how small he truly is. The shaking happened before he knew he was doing it, and when he stopped, Yoongi’s face contorted in pain and he felt like he was dipped in that glorious warmth. Watching him though, watching him squirm and pant as Namseon put a crushing grip on his pathetic leg really heated things up. He felt dizzy with the urge to hurt, the urge to completely obliterate the young rapper. But he got his answer, so he followed through with his end of the deal and let go. He only wants answers, and if there’s compliance then there’s no need for more violence.
He enjoyed everything that he did, and he feels so sick for it. He shouldn’t have wrapped his hand around the boy’s neck, he was quivering for goodness sake! Yoongi was fucking afraid of him and he still didn’t stop. He threatened — fucking threatened to hurt the entire group. Even their CEO!
Namseon feels bile burn its way up his throat before he swallows grossly, feeling the grit travel back down. He looks at the mess on his floor and feels that rage simmering deep inside.
“Stop it. Get a hold of yourself!” Namseon demands, his voice filling the cottony silence of his one bedroom apartment. “Please, stop being this way.”
Tears gather in his eyes, exasperation and impulsivity scratching and clawing at his entire being.
“Please, please, please…”
He sinks to his knees and punches his left forearm, feeling the muscle tense before releasing in ripples of spasmastic aches. He punches again, again, moving to his leg to do the same thing. He continues until that urge to hurt someone else neutralizes. He doesn’t want to be like his father. But the addiction is already swimming in his veins.
-
“Joonie?” Yoongi’s feet pad down the hallway. He’s awoken from his nap after thirty minutes of wrestling him down, he just can’t seem to sleep.
“Joonie?” His shy whisper doesn’t carry very far, but he’s determined not to give up.
He rounds the corner unintentionally fast and thumps against someone firm.
“Oof,” Yoongi gasps and looks up to see who he’s stumbled into.
Jungkook smiles when he sees Yoongi’s disheveled hair, crinkled shirt that still has his pacifier clipped onto the collar, and carries his eyes down to his beloved bear he’s hiding behind his leg.
“Hey, buddy, whatcha doin’ up?” Jungkook crouches a bit to meet at Yoongi’s eye level, adoring the way the older boy blushes and avoids making eye contact.
“Joonie...” Yoongi mumbles through his pout.
“Huh, can you speak up?” Jungkook inches closer, but the other boy leans back to keep the distance.
“J-Joonie,” Yoongi says louder. “W-Where?”
“Oh, he’s in the backyard reading,” Jungkook says.
“Dank you,” Yoongi blushes and tries to move past the taller boy.
“Hold on, put on a jacket before you go out,” Jungkook says sternly. If it were any other situation, Yoongi might’ve rolled his eyes at the authority Jungkook thinks he possesses.
“Mm-mm,” Yoongi shakes his head defiantly, “‘M not cold.”
“Please?” Jungkook really doesn’t want to put up with a tantrum by himself. As much as aegyo makes him uncomfortable, he pouts and tries to give his best puppy eyes.
Yoongi giggles at Jungkook’s expression and closes the distance between them to wrap his arms around the other’s neck.
“No Kookie!” Yoongi giggles.
“No?” Jungkook laughs.
“Your face looks weird,” Yoongi hops, his arms still circled around the younger boy’s neck, making him wince from the jostling.
“Oh, well thank you,” Jungkook doesn’t know if he should be offended and pries the other’s arms off him. “At least grab a blanket before going outside.”
“‘M’kay,” Yoongi groans but is happy when Jungkook finally lets him passed.
Now that he’s holding a fluffy blanket and his stuffie in his hands, he has trouble pushing the sliding glass door open. By the time he makes it to outside, he’s slightly winded and ready for a true nap.
Namjoon looks peaceful sitting on the lounge chair beside the pool. His glasses perched comfortably on his nose, the book rested on his torso where he lay leaned back with his legs folded over one another. Jungkook was right, it’s a tad nippy out but luckily he has the large blanket. Although, seeing Namjoon now, he’s nervous to break the relaxing atmosphere. Just as he begins to turn away, Namjoon’s voice is carried toward his direction.
“C’mere, baby,” Namjoon calls to him without looking up from his book. “Lay next to me.”
Yoongi slowly makes his way over, feeling more anxious the closer he gets.
“Hi,” Yoongi greets quietly when his feet touch the lounge chair.
“Lay down, get comfy,” Namjoon says scooting over to provide space for Yoongi.
The smaller boy nestles into Namjoon’s side and covers the blanket over the two of them, Brownies held close under his arm.
“What are you doing up?” It has only been 10 minutes since Namjoon’s put him down for a nap.
“S-Sowwy…” Yoongi grabs the fabric of Namjoon’s jacket in a tight fist, unsure as to why he suddenly starts to cry.
At the sound of his crying, Namjoon diverts his full attention away from the book and let’s it rest on his stomach. He maneuvers an arm under Yoongi’s shoulders and hugs him close to his chest. He hopes he isn’t causing more pain to his bruises.
“What’s wrong?” Namjoon asks worriedly.
“I dunno,” Yoongi buries his face further and whimpers brokenly.
“Oh, baby, I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. Is it your neck, maybe? Do you feel sick?” Namjoon asks.
“I-I jus’ wan’ Joonie,” Yoongi mewls.
Namjoon smiles despite it being one filmed with worry, Yoongi’s been so clingy since yesterday and he hasn’t been out of Little Space for more than a couple hours. All of those hours being consumed with working on music or talking to other producers. And by Little Space, he means little. Yoongi usually regressed to an age that has sufficient ability to make cohesive sentences, now it’s become a guessing game.
“You mean the only thing my baby Yoonie wants is some time with Joonie? Well, then that’s not bad at all, huh?” Namjoon jostles Yoongi teasingly, waiting for the older boy to peek up from his hiding place. “There he is~ Does Yoonie wanna spend time with me? You can take your nap right next to me while I read, yeah?”
“Y-Yoonie?” Yoongi wipes his face with one of his hands and looks to Namjoon curiously. This is the first time he’s hearing this nickname, even if Namjoon’s used it before.
“Oh, do you not like that? I can change it,” Namjoon blushes warmly and accompanies his awkwardness with a small chuckle.
“No, I wike it. Yoonie Yoonie Yoonie!” Yoongi sees the discomfort and tries to share his like for the new name with extra enthusiasm. “Yoonie and Joonie.” He giggles at his own expense.
Namjoon relaxes and soaks in the sound of the other’s laughter.
“I’m glad then,” Namjoon rests his head back against the lounger and plays with Yoongi’s hair in the hand that isn’t occupying the book. “Try to rest your eyes, baby.”
He still needs to ask why and how he got those bruises.-
Namseon paces in front of his TV, currently showing news of Idols and their success on mute. He’s calm today and that’s how he hopes to remain. He’s meditated before and after breakfast, went for a walk in the park, read some of his book, and even went to the pet store to look at the cute animals there. He feels good. He’s also so very clear minded now and realizes his biggest mistake. He doesn’t have proof of a confession. He should’ve filmed his “interrogation” to secure a reliable confession of their relations, but that also means Yoongi can’t necessarily call him out on his own actions either. No proof. Shit.
“ Shit!” Namseon did all of that to the poor boy for no reason.
He stares at his now glitching tv and has the sudden temptation to throw it out the window, but he won’t. He can’t. That’s got to be illegal. He could kill someone, couldn’t he?
No proof.
With a snap of his fingers, he smiles as a plan formulates within his pulsating mind. Sometimes it’s difficult navigating his own mind, not knowing what to trust and what thought he needs to get rid of. Getting rid of the wrong thought could lead to non negotiable disturbances.
Tomorrow night the entire staff is celebrating their anniversary and success, it’ll be a small party of sorts. Namseon will have to get the truth then, and he knows just how.
-
“Do we have to be early?” Yoongi groans.
Seokjin is currently in his room helping him choose a dressy casual outfit. Yoongi is more than capable of doing this himself, he’s done it almost every single time, however he said he doesn’t want to be alone. A confession like that, coming from Big Yoongi who isn’t even teetering near Little Space is a huge deal. He was praised for his honesty, his Headspace truly helping him express himself better, and yet, his confession wasn’t a pleasant one. When asked why he doesn’t like being alone, Yoongi wouldn’t even bother coming up with an excuse. He just opted for: “no reason” and expected the matter to be forgotten. And thinking back on it, Yoongi hasn’t been alone since two days ago. He’s in Little Space maybe the entire time they’re home, and he’s never alone. Not because he’s regressing younger than normal, but because he’s always seeking someone out. Whether it be for cuddles, being next to someone, holding hands — it doesn’t matter, Yoongi needs to be with someone and they don’t know why.
Seokjin brought up Yoongi going to see his psychiatrist to Namjoon, and he thought it was a smart idea. Yoongi wasn’t on the same page. He insisted nothing was wrong and to stop pestering him, so they did.
“No one is even going to be there yet,” Yoongi whines again. “Let’s wait until it’s started first. These things always drag out anyways.”
“Don’t be like that, you know this celebration isn’t like all the others. This one’s special,” Seokjin says whilst aiding in getting a sweater over Yoongi’s head. “It’ll just be the staff and a few family members.”
Seokjin feels Yoongi tense under his fingers but chooses not to comment. The bruises slip from his sight when he fits the sweater all the way down to his hips.
“Black jeans, I’m assuming?” Seokjin goes to his closet and unclips a pair of black skinny jeans from its hanger. “Here, lift up your leg.”
Yoongi uses Seokjin’s shoulders as support and helps get his foot through the pant hole. The bruise around his ankle disappearing in the darkness.
“C-Can I talk you about something?” Yoongi feels his heart rate quicken, his skin beginning to heat under the worrisome gaze of his hyung. He fumbles with the zipper and button, cursing his disjointed fingers.
“Of course,” Seokjin tries not to sound afraid of anything Yoongi could share and resists the need to push Yoongi’s hands away and button his pants himself. But that would be getting too personal, Yoongi isn’t Little at the moment. Besides, they’ve been persistent in remaining spacious about the whole bruising fiasco, promising each other not to bring it up unless Yoongi wants to. Mostly because Yoongi hasn’t been out of his Headspace long enough for them to ask any questions, not that they’d want to stress him out needlessly as it was.
“Yesterday, u-um, I was in my studio and...” Yoongi can’t believe how drastic his breathing changes, but he can’t seem to keep up. He drags in more air before he has the chance to expel it, creating a tension in his chest. “Never mind. I-I can’t.”
His isn’t the only one being threatened.

“I’ll save your hyung last, I’ll hurt him so good.”

“I’m sorry, I ca-can’t. I ca…” Yoongi feels trapped, cornered and frustrated. He knows he should tell them, it’s their lives too, but Namseon looked serious and remorseless. He doesn’t want to test if he’s bluffing, that would be selfish to put everyone’s lives on the line like that.
“It okay, you don’t have to tell me. Just breathe, nice and slow,” Seokjin hates to say he’s experienced so many of Yoongi’s anxiety attacks that his consolation is habitual, but it’s true. No matter how much it hurts seeing him like this, it’ll never compare to how scary it was the first time this happened, at this point he’s going through the motions and making sure Yoongi can breathe properly — that’s all. It feels wrong of him. “There we go, good job sweetie. It’s okay, whatever you want to tell me can wait until you’re ready.”
“I don’t wanna go to the party, Jinie. Wanna stay home,” Yoongi mumbles. “M’ tummy hurts.”
“Does it have to do with whatever you wanted to tell me?” Seokjin asks.
“...I dunno,” Yoongi shrugs and shifts his socked feet uncomfortably. He wants to wear the soft ones Jimin bought him.
“Sweetheart, it’ll be okay. We’ll all be there, it’ll just be a small dinner and then a few speeches, I’m sure, and then we’ll socialize for a bit,” Seokjin feels like an awful person, but they can’t skip out on this. “You know these people, Yoongi-ssi, why are you so hesitant to see them? It’ll be just like any other normal day.”
“It’s making my tummy huwt,” Yoongi hugs his middle and whines. “Stay home, pwease?”
It’s almost a look of pity when Seokjin smiles halfway before placing a hand behind Yoongi’s arm, on his bony elbow, rubbing small patterns with his thumb.
“Who’s making your tummy hurt, sweetie?” Seokjin swallows over the fear that’s screaming at him to let Yoongi be, to let him relax before sending him back into another anxiety attack. The other part of him says fuck it, he needs answers — and it’s a part that wins each time for the sake of protection.
Yoongi shrugs and twiddles his fingers together. Seokjin doesn’t need to see his face to know he’s lying. The older male peers down at the younger and sees how his lashes twitch from his must be constant nervous eye movements, then he sees that his lower lip is jutted out and wishes the younger would just look him in the eyes. He places a gentle yet firm hold under Yoongi’s chin and draws him back up again, making sure to gain the attention of his eyes.
“Who is it, sweetie?” Seokjin asks, his voice straying into unpersuadable and soon Yoongi won’t be able to lie.
“Jin hyung, stop it,” Yoongi forces himself out of Little Space and takes his face away of Seokjin’s hold. “Forget what I said, I’ll be fine.”
-
“And lastly, I just want to say how proud I am for our boys. They truly worked so hard, even when I had nothing to offer them to believe in, they never gave up. They truly are the face of this company and I couldn’t take any of that credit away. I wish to spend more fruitful years together, creating new memories, spreading love and culture throughout the world. I wish to always be in this moment. To Bangtan and to this company’s success,” Bang Shi-hyuk raises his glass and tilts it toward the crowd a fraction before bringing it to his lips.
Namseon makes eye contact with Yoongi, who’s sitting two tables down with his group, and smiles gaudily as if mocking the secret they’ve both sworn to never tell. Yoongi feels his entire body cool over, the room suddenly too small and claustrophobic.
Yoongi turns away and feels himself falling into Little Space then coming back up again. It’s like being on a roller coaster, his stomach flipping and mind unable to keep up.
“Hyung, are you okay?” Jungkook whispers close to his ear.
As much as he dislikes strong perfumes, the scent of Jungkook always brings him comfort and he leans closer subconsciously. He wants Brownies.
“N-No,” Yoongi has been told so many times not to keep how he feels a secret from the group, Jungkook being the one to always remind him not to pretend to be strong. As much as he so wants to hide and keep his problems buried deep, this isn’t something he can handle alone anymore.
“What’s wrong?” At his hyung’s stutter and breathy voice, he subtly offers comfort with a hand rubbing softly on his knee.
“I need to go home,” Yoongi knows he sounds desperate, but he can’t seem to bring himself to care.
“What’s going on?” Namjoon noticed the growing tension between his hyung and maknae and has gotten up from his chair to squat between the two boys. He whispers quietly, making sure not to draw more attention than they already have. “People are looking.”
Yoongi wishes he just locked himself in his room and refused everyone. As much as it wouldn’t be a surprise for everyone else, the staff wouldn’t find his defiance tasteful. He’s their family just as much as he is the boys’, he can’t hide much from them even if he’s adapted his ways of secrecy.
“My tummy huwts, Joonie. Home. Pwease, ” Yoongi tries to pull himself out of Little Space, but it takes so much effort that it’s disorienting. Every time he forces himself Big, his vision swims for a second too long, his body goes numb, and he feels lost for a moment as if the entire room is strange and unknown.
Namjoon feels the same unease that he experienced when finding Yoongi’s chair toppled over in the wrong place, it’s the same feeling he’s felt when he saw the bruises, the same feeling when Seokjin told him Yoongi is scared to come here. Whoever hurt him, is in this room.
“Okay, baby, we’ll go home right now,” Namjoon tries not to sound panicked, but the hairs on his skin are tickling him near the edge of his composure.
“But we have a speech,” Jungkook looks shocked at how fast their leader gives in to Yoongi’s whim, wondering what Namjoon heard and he didn’t.
“I’ll give it, I’ll ask Seokjin and Taehyung to deliver theirs as well. The rest of you guys stay with Yoongi hyung, got it?” Namjoon knows his whisper is barely audible to even himself, but his nerves are trembling beneath his skin. He can’t give anyone a chance to remotely hear his instructions.
“O-Okay,” Jungkook still doesn’t understand what’s going on, but trusts Namjoon has a reason.
“Home?” Yoongi looks so desperate, his words not differing.
“Yes, first I need to make a little speech and then we’ll go home. Jungkook, tell Jiminie and Hoseok to keep an eye on Yoongi. I’ll let the others know what’s going on,” Namjoon finishes and gets up like they weren’t just scheming a master plan and goes back to his seat. He subtly looks around the room and hates himself for thinking they’re all potential suspects, but it’s true. No one in this room is innocent and he needs to get his family out of here.
-
It isn’t a formal speech, nothing as nerve wracking as, say, the Grammys, but standing at the mic in front of the staff that is supposed to protect them is incomparable. Someone here doesn’t belong.
A server comes by with glasses of water on her tray, she replaces each of the boys glasses and leaves. Yoongi takes the fresh water in uncoordinated hands and hopes the coolness with help quench the dry, past-like anxiety trapped in his throat. A sippy cup would have been better. After several minute, he begins to cough and drinks more water. His throat now soothed and comfortable. He ignores the tickle coming back until he’s forced to cough and clear his throat.
Yoongi looks at the three boys standing in front of the mic, each wearing bright smiles as Namjoon’s comfortable speech is filtered over them. Yoongi’s legs suddenly push together and the urge to urinate is pressing. He tugs on Jungkook’s sleeve and makes a whining noise in the back of his throat. He’s been aware that he’s been regressing younger than normal lately, since the other boys keep insisting he wear pull-ups — something he’ll never agree to. After that, he’s skipped drinking fluids to avoid problems like the Jungkook Incident a few days ago, much to Seokjin’s dismay.
All morning he’s been drinking tiny sips of water out of uncomfortable habit to fend off the awkward in place of doing something distracting. He isn’t allowed to slip in public, they’ve discussed this — there’s consequences for this — but he can’t stop for some reason. It’s a constant tiring battle that he’s losing more and more each time he resists. With the feeling of a weakened bladder, his Little Space presses heavily against his forehead. He can feel it washing over him, that friendly warmth traveling down his back in comfort. He’s 100% certain if he slips completely now, he’ll lose control of his bladder, and that is not an option.
He tugs harder, shaking his Headspace away with a small movement of his head. Jungkook turns away from the speech and looks intently at Yoongi.
“I have to go to the restroom,” Yoongi whispers.
“Okay, I’ll go with you,” Jungkook leans over to tell Hoseok who nods his head before telling Jimin.
“I’ll come with. I have to go, too,” Jimin whispers.
Namjoon watches the three boys get up from their chairs and walk near the door. Where are they going? He thinks frantically, eyes widening a fraction. With the lights dimmed to the point of near darkness, he loses them as they travel through the empty chairs and tables and further back in the large room. When the door opens, the light from the outside makes the figures seen again and he catches himself feeling relieved. They’re fine. Nothing will happen with everyone here. He’s about to turn his attention back to Taehyung’s speech when not two seconds later, the door opens. He turns to see if the boys are back that fast, but as more time goes on, he realizes someone else left. He scans the room but can’t find who it is. Everyone he knows is here.
-“I don’t feel good,” Yoongi groans, pushing the men’s restroom door open.
“Just a little bit longer and we can go home,” Jimin pats his back and goes to the urinals.
That isn’t what Yoongi meant but the promise of going home does relax him. However, he feels a bit sluggish as well, and cold despite it being warm in the building.
Walking back through the expansive hall, Jungkook gets the sense someone’s watching them. He used to get it when they were just becoming famous — the paranoid feeling of always being watched — it took the entire year to finally be a little okay with it, but it’s been years since they just started out and he hasn’t had this feeling in who knows how long. He glances behind him but sees nothing. He looks to the boys who are lost in conversation, perhaps it’s nothing. There’s sharp pain, then there’s darkness.
Yoongi tries to yell, but a cloth is forced in his mouth and pushes his tongue to the back of his throat. The assailant must have hit his front teeth, as they throb deeply. The gag surprises him and the rest of his body is dragged back down the hall before he has time to recover. He struggles viciously, straining to get back to the two boys lying unconscious on the floor, their bodies strewn haphazardly like dolls. He sees blood glistening in Jimin’s white hair and he screams against the painful stretch on his lips. A bag is thrown over his head, tugging and pulling at his neck with the effort to push it down. They don’t care that they hurt him, whoever these men are. They drag him harshly down the stairs, his legs clamouring to find ground only to bang and smash against the concrete staircase and corners.
The entire way, Yoongi fights and kicks until his body aches sore but he still doesn’t stop. He’s only fired up more by the way the men laugh at him. He’s thrown onto the floor and the bag is yanked off his head, his hair going in its direction.
He winces at the sudden onslaught of light. When he sees Namseon, his eyes widen despite the pain of the fluorescent lighting.
“I told you not to tell anyone,” Namseon tisks. He steps close and leans down to Yoongi’s level. “Look what you made me have to do,” Namseon whispers and bites the cartilage of his ear painfully.
Yoongi jerks his head away and scurries back as far as he can. He takes the gag out of his mouth and flinches at the pinching at his jaw.
“I didn’t tell anyone, I swear,” Yoongi’s eyes leave Namseon’s to look at the other men present. “Dong Hyuk-ah?”
Supreme Boi smirks, his hand holding the bag that was once on Yoongi’s head.
“Get him on his knees,” Namseon instructs calmly.
Two men take Yoongi under the arms and haul him him, holding him in place. Now that he looks around fully, there are six burly men surrounding him.
Namseon gestures to another man who takes out a camera.
“Now, I’ve made sure to give you a special drink earlier, but how about I give you the rest?” Namseon takes a syringe out of his pocket and uncaps the long needle. “Hold his arm still.”
Yoongi pulls hard on his arm, his shoulder feeling like it’s being ripped off. The bigger man keeps him still after a harsh kick to the back of his leg. Namseon presses it into his shoulder, administering it swiftly. If he wasn’t so scatterbrained, he might’ve picked up on his drink being spiked.
“This won’t take long,” Namseon says to the room, handing the needle off to one of his goons. “Do you know what I gave you?”
Yoongi knows the question is for him, but he refuses to answer. It’s fight or flight right now, his body and mind are acting without him because he knows deep down he’s terrified of Namseon.
He chuckles, looking directly at Yoongi with a playful smile.
“Sodium pentothal, a psychoactive drug used to obtain information from people who are unable or unwilling to provide it otherwise, or truth serum ,” Namseon explains levely. “Do you feel it slowing down your heart? It should feel relaxing, almost like you’re so tired you can’t find the effort to lie. All your cognitive abilities to aid with complex lies will be gone, but in case you decide to be stubborn, I invited some friends to help... persuade you to be cooperative.”
“S-Stop, pleasse,” His words are beginning to slur, the heavy feeling of relaxation holding him in its warmth. He can’t find it in him to be panicked.
“Start filming. It’ll only last around half an hour, so let’s make this quick, wouldn’t you like that?” Namseon’s patronizing tone doesn’t help Yoongi’s defiance.
Namseon looks to the red light on the camcorder and sighs. He nods his head once and a man knees Yoongi hard in the stomach. His eyes bulge at the impact, but he can’t double over with the men still holding him. He gasps and wheezes trying to find his breath.
“Let me ask you again, wouldn’t you like that?” Namseon is more firm, gritting his teeth to remain calm.
“Y-Yes,” Yoongi chokes out.
“Good boy, keep it up and my boys won’t have to hurt you, and believe me they’re more than happy with your noncompliance,” Namseon smiles. “Tell me, what do the members of your group mean to you?”
Why does he keep asking questions like this? He tries to think of something to say, anything that could deter this situation, but the only thing he can think of is the question and the answer right at the tip of his tongue. The harder he thinks the more confused he gets. A fist collides with the side of his face and black dots appear all around him.
“Not his face you idiot!” Namseon yells, pulling the man’s arm away. “Don’t make me have to tell you a second time.”
Yoongi doesn’t particularly know if he feels the pain, everything becoming so dizzy and numb. The taste of something salty, coppery, stinging at the corner of his mouth. It’s only now that he realizes he is panicking. Though his heart remain calm, his brain is swimming with thoughts and voices screaming at him to fight back and get help. His heart rate speeds up for a second before dying back down. It’s maddening, it’s frustrating, terrifying. A road with hills making his stomach dip nauseatingly. He whimpers, restlessly pulling against the men holding him.
“Just answer my questions, Yoongi, and you can go home. What do the boys mean to you?”
“Evvery-Everything,” Yoongi winces when his head shifts to fall sagging, his temple feeling a sharp stab that rings in his ear from the swift movement.
“See, easy. You’re being so good. What kind of relationship do you have with them?” Namseon can feel his heart thudding in its cage, the adrenaline a drug in his veins. He will finally get his answers, the key to his success.
“Mmm...they’re myyy-” Yoongi can’t get the word out and struggles trying to form it with his clouded mind.
“Your what? What do they do for you?” Namseon kneels down, at the edge of his excitement, hardly concealing it with his calm stature.
The drug is peaking, and Yoongi is slurring and swaying as if he’s drunk. Namseon realizes, yet again, another mistake. He shouldn’t have given him so much.
“Tay care o’ me,” Yoongi finally answers.
“How?” Namseon is getting angrier by the second. The drug was supposed to give him answers, not these vague half assed, slurry words.
“Dey tay care me,” Yoongi slurs, drool becoming harder to swallow.
The lack of control, the anxiety, the internal panic of seeing the world around him but having zero control has him spiraling into Little Space. This time, he can’t fight it. He can only see the world around him getting bigger as he sinks further and further away. Little Space is supposed to help him, but not now, not like this. He knows it’s wrong, he knows he can’t do this now, and that’s what makes him hysterical. He needs control, he needs to allow his Headspace to take over on some sort of conscious level, not when he has no choice.
“But how, Yoongi. Do they do special things just for you?” Namseon is now holding Yoongi’s chin, keeping his head up from lolling around.
He takes out a handkerchief and wipes the drool dribbling over Yoongi’s lip. He’s cute. He second guesses himself for a moment before hardening his grip and shaking his head to gain his attention again. He could flat out ask him the real question, but that isn’t the entire scope of the issue here. He wants the proof that Yoongi is nothing but a submissive fuck, that he’s all Bangtan’s and he’s proud of it. He needs Yoongi to confess it by himself.
“Mmhmm yesss. I’m ssuUper special,” Yoongi smiles dumbly, and Namseon has the shaking urge to rip it off his face.
“What makes you special?” Namseon asks, his calm demeanor cracking. They’re getting nowhere at this rate.
“I’m the- dey tay care o’ me!” Yoongi is frustrated now, Namseon is asking him the same questions.
“I know that Yoongi! What do they do specifically that makes you so special? How do they take care of you?” Namseon holds his face in both his hands and fights the need to crush him.
“F-Feed meee yum yums...Buy me toyss n’ stuffies!” Yoongi could’ve sworn he bit his tongue, more of the copper taste making him scrunch his nose in disgust.
It isn’t an answer Namseon is expecting, nor is the way Yoongi is acting. The drug affects his ability to successfully carry out complex lies, not make him speak like a child. It’s chilling to say the least and something weighs heavy in his stomach.
“What else?” Namseon isn’t even sure if his initial speculations are true anymore, and it’s making his stomach cramp.
At this point, most of the bulk of the drug should be wearing off, all that’s left is what lingers is small trace amounts.
“Mmm...cuddle me, hold hand, annnnddd tickle! Poke me! Hehehe” Yoongi’s manic laughter is wild and drug induced, as if he’s high off anesthesia. “Play with me and-”
“Play with you?” Namseon’s hopes are high once again, internally begging that this will steer them away from whatever the fuck Yoongi was going on about.
“Y-Yeah, ’m baby boy,” Yoongi mumbles, the drug leaving him lethargic and heavy feeling.
“That’s…” Namseon got, thats his answer. He could use this, couldn’t he? He smiles. “That’s sick. You know that?” Namseon lets go of Yoongi’s face and stands back up. The boys around the room all looking at each other with confusion.
“Huh?” Yoongi doesn’t know what just happened or why Namseon thinks being Little is nasty. “N-No, s’okay. I’m L-”
“Do you let them touch you?” Namseon asks boldly. The men in the room shift uncomfortably at the sudden shift in direct questioning. Supreme Boi smirks and leans against the wall with satisfaction.
Namseon briefed them of the nature of his questions before this, and why he’s asking them. They’re aware of the situation, Namseon told them exactly who Yoongi is, but seeing how vulnerable the younger boy is right now doesn’t make it easy. Some of the men of kids of their own, some around Yoongi’s age. And some of them men are Yoongi’s age.
He doesn’t understand the question, his mind still moving too slow to comprehend what is asked. Of course he lets the boys touch him, it’s when he’s public or with strangers he doesn’t like skinship. It’s the combination of the drug and his Headspace that makes his mind muddled and unable to sort out the nature of this question.
“Yes?” Yoongi answers hesitant.
Supreme Boi laughs, effortlessly stopped with a hand from Namseon. He looks at the hand with distaste and goes back to leaning against the wall with a sneer.
“Do they all touch you?” Namseon asks.
“Yes?” Again, Yoongi can’t analyze anything that’s happening right now. He feels half asleep.
“Do you like it when they touch you?” Namseon asks.
“N-Not in public…” Yoongi mutters.
“Well I’d hope not,” Namseon says with a small laugh. “But do you like it when they touch you? When you’re home with just them.”
The only thing swirling in Yoongi’s mind is that question, his brain still suffering with the last lingering bits of the drug. Skinship is fine at home, as long as no one sees it. He loves it when they cuddle him and give him kisses.
“Yeah,” Yoongi answers quietly.
“I’ve heard enough,” Namseon smiles happily, not believing how easy that was. “Ha. Wow. You’re truly something else. All you boys are! And now I know your secret! And I bet you can’t even keep up with what I’m saying, but don’t worry, tomorrow you’ll likely forget all of this. Don’t worry though, I’ll give you something to remember. And then you’ll give me something that can’t be denied, for the sake of all of your careers.”
So he’s their “baby boy” and their whore? Isn’t that daddy dom, baby thing a kink? Bdsm? Is Yoongi an overall submissive baby? Does he call them daddy? Oh shit this is sick. It goes further than he ever thought possible. And yet, the naivety of his confusion, the small and innocent look on his face makes his heart pinch. He has an answer...the nature of the truth is unimportant. He can twist this confession to anything he wants. He gives one last look to Yoongi and honestly feels hesitant to go through with this.
“A-Alright boys, let's leave before someone finds us,” Namseon takes the camera in his hand, his career saver right within his fingertips but weighing heavy in his stomach.
“That’s it? That’s the confession you wanted?” Supreme Boi looks bewildered. “No one is going to make connections to anything he said! His answers didn’t answer shit. If it were my way, I’d record something he’d never want anyone to see.”
“Oh, and what is that? Suddenly you’re the brains? We aren’t doing this “your way”. You’re a washed up producer, your career ended before it even began. Let me handle this, okay? I have a plan. Even if this doesn’t seem useful now, we can use in any way we want,” Namseon smirks wickedly, already mentally marking Supreme Boi as someone no longer even allowed near the building. “Someone clean up his face before me leave, make sure he looks presentable.”
Supreme Boi puts a hand on Namseon’s chest and stops him from leaving.

“You’re right, you’re right,” He admits with pursed lips. “I wasn’t the brains, that’s all you. But I’m a very, very creative person, and from what you told us, I’m about to get my career back soon enough,” Supreme Boi’s smile is something Namseon’s seen before. It sends a chill over his skin, heavy lead to his feet. “Make sure he doesn’t interfere,” Supreme Boi tells the other men.
Supreme Boi sets the recorder down on a nearby table, facing it where it needs to be. Three men watch Namseon while two still remain holding Yoongi upright.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Namseon pushes forward but the men hold him back.
“I guess you didn’t take into account that we’d all like a chance to be on the top? You really thought a few hundreds were going to be enough? Are you that daft? We want what you want,” Supreme Boi smiles devilishly. “You’ll still get to keep your CEO fetish, that’s all you bud, you’ll be the face of this operation. But we want half of what you make. And you’ll keep us silent for as long as you keep up with your end. If not, then we’ll say you forced us to do your bidding, we have video to prove it after all.”
“You’re insane!” Namseon sputters.
“And you aren’t?!” Supreme Boi bites back.
At this point, Yoongi’s become more lucid and finally understands why all this is happening. They want to blackmail him into a position as CEO. That can’t happen, he’d never allow it. However, the more lucid he becomes, the more his panic is revealed.
“You don’t have to do any of this. I-I’ll pay you however much you want, I don’t need the money,” Yoongi tells Supreme Boi. The lack of drugs gives Yoongi enough control to force his Little Space back. “Leave the others out of this, please.”
“I don’t intend to hurt them,” Supreme Boi’s words are calm, not like Namseon’s forced calm that seemed nicer than it should. His calm is as if he simply doesn’t care, like this is nothing to him. Absolutely zero guilt.
“The camera’s rolling, and you’re going to deliver a message for me. Namseon made some good points, such a smart man. So let’s give the guy his one wish, tell that fucker Shi-Hyuk to make Namseon the next CEO or I’ll order a hit on him. Then I want you to make a confession for me: “I, Min Yoongi, and the rest of Bangtan Sonyeondan, have been lying to all of you. I can no longer continue on with this charade, and it’s time all of you knew. To our fans ARMY, I want to deeply apologize for using all of you for fame. We never cared about any of you, nor what your lives consist of, and if you think we take the time to read anything you write to us, you’re fools. We have fallen into lies and deceit since the begging. No one would take our true selves seriously, so we decided we’d lie to fit in. Steal other’s works and call it our own, deny all the accusations, and continue doing it. Not only that, but we have engaged in inappropriate behavior with our fans. I am so tired of keeping up with these lies. Do not forgive us, we don’t deserve it”,” Supreme Boi gives Yoongi the piece of paper with the speech written in poor penmanship. “Such a beautiful confession.”
“Are you fucking serious? None if this is true,” Yoongi is still in a relatively weakened state, but his fight is coming back. “It’s painfully obvious it’s not true, our fans wouldn’t believe any of that.”
He crumples the paper in his fist and drops it to the floor. Supreme Boi slaps him before sighing deeply.
“Oops, I forgot we can’t hit your face,” Supreme Boi backhands him again, a mocking noise of pain hissing from the smile still on his lips.
Yoongi hangs his head, blinking hard trying to stop the room from spinning.
Supreme Boi picks up the paper and opens it back up, smoothing out the crinkles. “They’d believe anything if it means you’re the one saying it, that's for anyone in your band of merry men,” Supreme Boi says bitterly. “You can say you’re 5’10” and fans will believe you despite it being “painfully obvious” that it’s wrong.”
Supreme Boi will make sure Namseon doesn’t make any moves on his own unless he knows he’s guaranteed a spot on that throne. The only thing Supreme Boi wants is his old job back as a producer in BigHit, and for the boys to lose everything. He wants them on leashes, make them work for him. He will destroy everyone’s careers and make sure America’s newest Sweethearts can never return again. Korea will hate them, will shame them, will have every reason to treat them like the maggots they rightfully should be.
“What do you think you’re doing? You’re talking about destroying their careers— the company . That’s not the plan! We aren’t doing that,” Namseon tries to step forward but the men push him back against the wall.
“Oh yes, yes we are, and it’s all thanks to you,” Supreme Boi gestures grandly to the older man. “You’ll get what you want, so don’t you worry.”
If he ruins their career, there’d be no BigHit to work for, this isn’t the plan. He’s completely lost it.
Namseon had his two plans: A - truth serum, and if that didn’t work then they’d go to plan B - he’ll use the men hired to beat Yoongi until he confessed. But after hearing what kinks Yoongi is into, it seems as if Supreme Boi needs more. And how he’s going to get that, Namseon isn’t sure. He struggles fiercely and gages how strong his captors are before he settles back down.
Yoongi looks up to Supreme Boi with fear blatant in his eyes, yet a scowl on his brow.
“Bend him over the table,” Supreme Boi demands.
The boys comply rather tentatively, but Yoongi is laid down in position soon enough. His struggles doing little against the much larger and stronger men. The after affects of the drug leaving his muscles numb and tingly.
“Let me go! Stop!” Yoongi yells.
Supreme Boi smirks at the opportunity, in Yoongi’s bent over position it’s easy for him to knee him in the crotch.
The air leaves his lungs and his pelvis cramps in fiery stabs. The throb travels directly to his stomach in waves of nausea making him dizzy. The position on the table an impossible barrier to curl into. He coughs several times to cover up the cries that want to come out. Never in his life had he been kicked or kneed that hard before, and he’s played with the younger boys when they’re at their most hyperactive state.
Supreme Boi’s smile widens when Yoongi’s squirming stops, and his body now lay limp.
“Try stopping me again, and I’ll make it feel like they’re being ripped off your body,” Supreme Boi promises. “And you, too, Namseon. If you try to stop me, I’ll do the same to you.”
Namseon doesn’t respond, just nods curtly and stands in the corner. He needs to do something to help. He never wanted to rape the kid, he just wanted him beaten, but they got their confession! This is pointless. Rape is...there’s no going back from that. For either of them. At least being beaten would have only broken his pride not his...not his mind.
“Hold him still,” Supreme Boi orders.
Hands hold Yoongi down, he can feel his chest and ribs rub harshly against the wooden table before they press bruisingly hard. This isn’t happening, this can’t happen. The boys will find him. They’re always here when he needs them.
His belt is being removed, his breathing becoming more labored each second he’s pressed harder on the table. Supreme Boi’s fingers linger too long at the belt buckle before he begins pulling it out of each loop at a sluggish pace.
“Pick up the camera and get a better angle,” Supreme Boi barks.
“I swear, I will fucking ruin you,” Yoongi grits out. “I’ll make sure you’re locked away forever.”
“And I’ll make sure your locked away in your head, forever ,” Supreme Boi whispers. “So be good and go along with the plan, okay baby boy.”
__“NOOO! Please! PLEASE!!” The child rings out in shrill scream.“You look so beautiful, just how your mother always looked,” A low growl makes his lithe body shudder uncontrollably. “Now take it like the slut she was.”—
Namseon is frozen stiff, the shrieks and cries sounding like echos coming back to him. As if he’s finally hearing for the first time, coming out of the depth of his own darkness he’s grown to forget. It’s no longer surrounding him, but crying and gasping in front of him. Yoongi can’t end up like him.
“S-Stop. Stop it get off him!” Namseon lunges forward and tears Supreme Boi off of Yoongi with enough force to send the younger boy flying against the opposite wall.
Yoongi’s pants rest low on his hips, his breath stuttering and coming out too fast. Without instructions from either of their “mastermind leaders” the other men in the room stand still with uncertainty in their actions. Yoongi struggles to break free but the men know to at least hold him down.
“What the fuck is wrong with you!? This is what you wanted!” Supreme Boi yells, a man helping him stand.
“No! I never wanted this! I never wanted any of this. Don’t you fucking dare touch m- him,” Namseon feels that urge to tear apart something, someone, his skin tingling with adrenaline. “Don’t lay a finger on him. He didn’t do anything.”
“You’re making a mistake,” Supreme Boi says lowly.
“I know...I know that,” Namseon nods agreeingly. “But now I’m fixing it. You can, too. It doesn’t have to go this route.”
“So what? The deal's off? You’re just going to be a nobody for the rest of your life?” Supreme Boi scoffs.
“This was never part of the deal! I never said to r...I never said this . I’d gladly be a nobody than a—than a rapist,” The word is nauseating in his throat, and it isn’t something he wants to say while Yoongi in such a vulnerable position. “I just wanted you to rough him up a bit, scare him. Not this. You’re a monster. And...and s-so am I for planning any of this.”
“Bag’em,” Supreme Boi orders, unfazed by everything he said.
Namseon uses this moment to surprise punch one of the men, rendering him unconscious. He tries to fight off one of the men holding Yoongi down but soon three others are pulling him back.
“If you don’t have the balls to take over the company, then I’ll do it alone,” Supreme Boi pulls out a gun from his jeans and aims it at Namseon who’s fighting against the stronghold of the other men. “Move him. Keep the fucking camera on.”
“Bro what the fuck!?”
“Are you crazy?”
“This shit ain’t worth it, bro! Let’s go!”
His goons all jump back in fear when the gun is pulled out. They’re done. None of them signed up for this.
“You don’t leave until I get what I came for,” Supreme Boi waves the gun to and from each man. “Now move .”
At this point, the goons have stopped resisting Namseon and he’s able to break free. This is all getting out of hand, it’s spiraling too fast. The man holding Yoongi down has also let go, and he slowly turns around to see Supreme Boi is now pointing the gun at him.
This is all becoming too much. His stress levels are as rhythmic as his thudding heart that’s currently crashing painfully against his chest. Namseon stands in front him, blocking the guns pathway. Yoongi is surprised from the turn of events, after his scare encounter with Namseon he swore the man was a serial killer.
“No!” Namseon puts his hands out in defense. “You know this is going too far, and I won’t let you hurt him anymore. Yoongi is done w-“
His words stop when a gunshot rings through the small room. There’s a high pitched silence that rattles Yoongi’s ears, he can’t even feel his own heartbeat and for a moment he thinks he’s dying. That is, until he opens his eyes.
Namseon looks down and sees blood seeping through his blue dress shirt at rapid speed. His fingers tremble as they go to touch the bullet hole. The moment he touches it, it becomes real, and he falls to the ground and slumps where he lands.
As Namseon falls, Yoongi’s wide eyes and frantic composure is revealed. He’s afraid of loud noises, and the gun sends him straight into a panic attack. Namseon...Namseon is- he couldn’t be. He can’t be.
Yoongi suddenly feels very vulnerable, alone. Namseon might’ve been the only one against Supreme Boi, now there’s no one to stop him and everyone in the room is so much larger than him. That fact alone almost makes him spiral into Little Space, but he doesn’t want to experience this in such a young headspace. He knows he can’t. Not that he wants to experience this at all.
He jumps back, his butt hitting the table harshly when he sees the tips of his shoes meeting the edge of the blood pool forming under Namseon. His breathing is the first thing he hears again, followed by the bile burning at the back of his throat. He couldn’t be. Can’t be.
“Anyone else have something to say?” Supreme Boi looks around the room, gun still clutched firmly in his hand.
“Please, don’t,” Yoongi whimpers, his fight flooding out of him as quickly as the blood pooling on the floor. The room they’re in is an old meeting room, Yoongi realizes. They must be in the part of the building closed off for renovations. But the gun, the gun should’ve been heard throughout the building. He may not have his confidence to be bold and firey, but he can at least try to buy time.
“W-What do you even want from me?” Yoongi tries to scoot further away from the blood, his own leaving his face and forcing him pale.
“Remember ‘rollin’? I was one of the producers of that song, as you well know,” Supreme Boi says coldly. “You and the others cut me out after that. You said it was one of the many issues you had with me. After so many years being by your side, you didn’t even have the decency to give me notice before kicking me out.”
Yoongi remembers that. He quite bluntly and savagely told him off on how his song with Iron, was tasteless and disrespectful to so many women. They’ve had backlash before for their older songs, when they were young and trying to fit an image they thought was cool, but once women started saying how hurt they were by their lyrics, they changed. But ‘rollin’ was beyond help. Speaking of raping woman as if it were a pastime, something to be had for fun. Yoongi doesn’t regret saying what he said.
“It was just a fucking song, Yoongi! You got me fired for nothing! Y’know what, though?” Supreme Boi smirks, licking his lips wetly. “If it’s who you think I am, then that’s who I’ll be. And just so you know, raping woman isn’t the only thing men can enjoy.”
“What are you doing?” One of the goons ask, fear evident in his voice. “We need to- we
gotta get outta here, man. You killed someone.”
“Are you volunteering to be next?” There’s silence, no one making a move. He turns back to Yoongi, gun now touching his thudding chest. “Go ahead. Rap about me. Make another cypher. But after this, you’ll wish you never got rid of me. After this, I’ll always be in that fucked up head of yours. Give me a nice warm place right next to those daddy issues and your little brother syndrome.”
“Please, don’t do this,” Yoongi shudders, his legs feeling weak.
“Seeing you like this is hard, I want you to know that. You were like a brother to me. You used to come to me for advice,” Supreme Boi’s soft expression turns sour, anger replacing a good memelry. “So c’mon, ask me how to get out of this situation. Be that insecure, hopeless, depressed kid again, beg me to make you feel better about yourself and maybe I’ll let you enjoy this. No? That’s what I thought. You — hold him down — and this time, don’t let go or I will kill you.”
Yoongi is frozen stiff, fear making him tremble painfully. He’s forced back down onto the table, his stomach pinching on the corner. This room is where they had one of their first meetings as a group. That feeling of being part of an agency that held the same hopes as him was something magic couldn’t replicate. That feeling wouldn’t come back until he won his first Daesang. He thought he’d be able to tell that little boy so many years ago that life was done hurting him, that his yin was finally experiencing yang.
Cool air wisps over his bare skin, but it’s far in the back of his mind that he isn’t sure if it’s happening now or from a distant memory. When they shot their jackets and promos for ‘Love Yourself: Her’ that would ultimately be the key they’ve been searching through the ocean for. The air was clean then, it was serene and sweet.
Pain shoots up his spine and he’s forced to cry out. The air leaving his lungs are small broken wheezes coated in distortion. At first Yoongi refuses to listen, he’s forced into and out of Little Space. He can’t seem to control it in all the stress and constant panic. His mind is making him nauseous until he finally can't regress anymore and the harsh huffs above him thunder deep within his soul.
One of the guys turn Yoongi over onto his back and rip his pants all the way off. Supreme Boi barking every order, gain raised toward every opposer.
Supreme Boi doesn’t hold back a deep throaty laugh at seeing Yoongi’s dazed and distant look.
“I can be your daddy if you beg hard enough,” He huffs. “Beg. Maybe I’ll stop. Maybe I’ll stop just for my baby boy .”
Yoongi weakly tugs on his arms that are being held down. He feels like his voice doesn’t want to work, or maybe the effort to cry has become too much.
Someone smacks him, splitting the corner of his mouth. He’s dazed and begins to feel a dry painful stretch, burning in his private area. He whimpers trying to sit up but gets pushed down by another guy. His vision is constantly a mix of light, someone’s face, fingers, darkness and white sparks of pain.
“Oh c’mon little boy , I won’t do anything bad.”
“You’re hurting me! Let go!”
“Bruised fruit tastes the sweetest.”
The humiliation chokes him, makes him turn his face away his in shame, squeeze his mouth shut to hide the cries that would come out otherwise. It shouldn’t matter though, every noise seems far away, even his own. He can feel his throat working, but he can’t hear himself. If he’s moving, he isn’t sure what he’s doing. His eyes are open but he can’t see.
“Who’s there?”
Yoongi can't tell who said it, but all of the hands are soon leaving his body and letting the cool air chill the previously warm touches. He curls in on himself and shudders uncontrollably. He stares off, not really feeling like blinking or moving much.
-
20 Minutes Since Yoongi’s Been Taken…
“Where’d everyone go?” Namjoon asks as soon as he finds his seat.
The loud chatter amongst room has resumed as normal, meaning the boys can talk a little more openly.
“Restroom,” Hoseok answers simply.
“Did you see the person who left after them?” Namjoon asks urgently.
“Umm, no, I didn’t,” Hoseok answers, feeling Namjoon’s nerves rile him up. He didn’t even notice someone else leave.
“What’s the matter?” Seokjin leans closer to Namjoon and notices how the younger boy looks scared, it isn’t something he’s used to in the leader.
“I’m gonna check the restroom,” Namjoon sounds frazzled, not making any sense.
“Joon-ah, breathe. What’s going on?” Seokjin grabs Namjoon’s shoulder to steady him.
“I should’ve said something sooner, but I think the person who gave Yoongi those bruises is here tonight,” Namjoon rushes out. “Dammit. I need to find the others.”
Seokjin should’ve known better, should’ve paid more attention to Yoongi’s discomfort. This isn’t all of Namjoon’s fault — it isn’t his fault at all, but they can’t play this game right now.
“I’m coming with you,” Seokjin says. “If they come back before us, call us.”
Taehyung and Hoseok nod, albeit not as confident as Namjoon would have hoped. This doesn’t seem like a small bump to their night, this sounds scary and they aren’t sure what that honestly entails.
Namjoon and Seokjin are walking fast out of the room and down the long hallway, ignoring Sejin’s confused stare. Everyone is still inside the room, making the halls an eerie quiet. They boys should be on their way back by now, it shouldn’t be this dead silent. They speed up their walking into an near jog when they both stutter in their movements. Around the corner lays Jungkook and Jimin, both unconscious. Namjoon’s blood freezes and he rushes to their sides.
“W-What do we do? What happened? Are they d-dead?” Namjoon feels panicked, overwhelmed in only a matter of seconds. He can’t keep up with his frantic mind.
“Namjoon, calm down. I need you to stay alert, we can’t start freaking out now,” Seokjin is surprisingly calm in Namjoon’s eyes, and it anchors him down to the moment. Seokjin tells himself to breath, like an affirmation in his head.
“R-Right,” Namjoon nods, speaking more to himself than Seokjin. “It'll be okay. Everything’s okay.”
“Can you stay with them, Namjoon? Can I leave you with them while I go get help?” Seokjin asks firmly. They can’t sit here and ask questions of “who did this?” and “what’s happened?” — it’ll get them nowhere.
Namjoon doesn’t want to be alone, the hallway is unfamiliar now and scary and their maknaes are unconscious. Whoever did this can come back, and if they overpowered two people and took Yoongi, then they’d surely overpower Namjoon. He shakes his head, eyes forming tears. He feels guilty but he can’t help it.
“No, no don’t wanna be alone,” Namjoon reaches for Seokjin before he even makes a move to leave.
“Okay, okay, we’ll stay together,” Seokjin says with an empathetic smile. Namjoon may be the leader, but Seokjin’s still his hyung and he couldn’t possibly leave him like this.
Instead, he calls their CEO to tell him exactly what they found. The moment he hangs up the phone, they can hear the uproar in the room down the hall. Their staff must have been informed, or maybe overheard the distressed call. Only moments later, Hoseok and Taehyung are running down the hall with Sejin and Bang Shi-hyuk beside them.
“We’re evacuating the building,” Bang Shi-hyuk explains.
The authorities have already been called, but the boys can’t seem to give up. They need to find Yoongi themselves. They have to. Sejin picks up Jimin bridal style, eyes widening at the sight of blood dried up on his temple.
“Help get Jungkook, we need to leave,” Sejin instructs. “Let’s go.”
His firm tone sets the boys in motion and they gather Jungkook in their arms. Most of the staff is already outside by the time the police arrive. A gunshot is heard within the building and it rings throughout the parking lot. The gasps, and screams from the onlookers couldn’t be anything compared to what’s happening inside. The paramedics take the maknaes away and begin checking them over. This doesn’t seem real, none of it.
Namjoon brings the remaining boys into a close huddle and prays, the sound of police officers running into the building pushed far into the background.
-Present Time...
The office door is opened quickly and the man on the other side is grabbed roughly.
“It’s just the janitor,” One of the large men say.
“Take care of him,” Supreme Boi orders. “I have unfinished business.”
He almost growls at seeing Yoongi shaking and balled up on the table. So vulnerable it makes him laugh. Yes, he’ll certainly wish he never got rid of him.
“Look, we did what you wanted,” The camera guy turns off the camera and looks to the other boys. “He isn’t even fighting back. It’s-It’s all wrong. Let’s just go. This footage is more than enough.”
“It isn’t over until I fucking say it is!” Supreme Boi shoots the ceiling, his chest heaving. They act as if he doesn’t know how fucking far he’s going. He knows. He fucking know. But it’s too late. They can’t take this back. And to Supreme Boi, that only means to go all the way.
“Well have fun, because I’m out of here,” The camera guy says. He tosses the camera to another guy and heads to the door.
“No!” Supreme Boi doesn’t mean to, but the trigger was already halfway pulled by the time he realizes what he’s doing.
The cameraman hits the door before sliding down it, a hole seeping behind his head.
Supreme Boi stands shocked before turning back to Yoongi.
“This is all your fault!” Supreme Boi screams.
He grabs Yoongi by his sweater and throws him to the floor. It’s wet and thick, and Yoongi has a sinking feeling that he knows what it is and who it’s from. The weight of another body is on top of him, pinning him down into the liquid copper beneath him.
The camera isn’t even rolling this time, Supreme Boi couldn’t care less at this point. He only wants to ruin the cocky boy who got him fired. As if steering on autopilot, Supreme Boi doesn’t stop, even while Yoongi is slick, sliding up and down on blood. It’s no longer warm as it seeps into his hair and through his thick sweater. He closes his eyes slowly.
-40 Minutes Since Yoongi’s Been Taken…
They’re careful, having already heard two gunshots echo through the halls. The building isn’t necessarily big, but checking all the rooms isn’t as fast as it should be. Each door handle is checked before someone gives a signal, receiving a nod then opening the door quickly, while another officer is sent in. There’s five officers, still, they can’t be too careful. They’ve seen the faces of the crowd outside, they’re aware of how precious this situation is. They travel down the halls quickly, keeping in mind that someone they love is down here.
The police officers hear cries and yells from a far location down the hall, and follow it with fast moving steps. The hallways are dark, this part of the building seemingly closed off with plastic tarps covering several room entrances. The smell of paint and drywall dust lingering in the air.
-Present Time…
The door is kicked open, too many sounds of yelling and metal clinking to make sense of. Yoongi shudders when the body over him is torn away, bruising fingers pulling him up before he’s plopped back down on the now curdling blood. His legs are forced into something, so he kicks and whines much like a hurt animal and tries to get away. It’s pulled up to his hips, the material a little scratchy, however it’s comforting somehow so he stops kicking. Whoever holds him, uses soft movements and something warm cocoons him. Voices wash over him, who they’re directed to, he couldn’t say, but they sound safe, very gentle sounding, so he falls into them
-
A body, covered in red, is wheeled out on a gurney and the boys rush forward. Namjoon sees the black hair and almost cries until he sees passed the oxygen mask. It’s Namseon, the lifeless man is Namseon.
Seokjin pulls Namjoon away from the gurney.
“Get out of the way, son,” One of the paramedics say.
“It wasn’t him,” Namjoon says relieved, but not all the way. Yoongi has yet to make an appearance.
“Hyung!” Taehyung cries, seeing Yoongi being carried out in someone else’s arms.
He’s swaddled tightly in a blue shock blanket, eyes staring off blankly.
The boys surround the officer, who gives them all a sympathetic gaze. He lays the boy down on a gurney and lets the paramedics do their job. Before they can say anything, that’s when Supreme Boi and the other men are being walked out in handcuffs.
It doesn’t make sense at first, not as if the entire situation does, but Supreme Boi couldn’t have done all this. But the look on his face, that smug fucking smirk says it all. His jeans have blood stains on his knees, so do his hands. What the hell happened in there?
Namjoon isn’t usually an angry person, not to the point where he trembles with it. He’s running before he knows it, his body and mind almost numbed by the rage that swallows him. He tackles Supreme Boi and blacks out.
Seokjin has never seen Namjoon this enraged, glad Hoseok is comforting Taehyung near Yoongi that they don’t have to see this. Seokjin runs forward and helps the officers peel the two boys away from each other. In all honesty, Seokjin wanted to reign in a couple punches himself but stops the second he sees Supreme Boi’s face. His eyes are swollen, maybe a broken eye socket, nose gushing, temple torn open, earlobe popped. His mouth is a mangled mess of blood clots and hanging teeth. Once Namjoon is thrown to the side, Seokjin loses it on the sidewalk. He’s never seen someone so unrecognizable, but it will haunt him forever.
Namjoon feels the cold asphalt rough on his elbows and forearms where he catches his fall. He knows he’s probably bleeding there, but can’t bring himself to care, his eyes following Supreme Boi. He doesn’t remember what happened, but his knuckles are busted and covered in blood. Seokjin is throwing up not too far from his feet, but he can’t move. He glances back down to his hands with curiosity, he clenches his fingers and cries out. One of them, his fingers, one of them must be broken — maybe more.
Seokjin is back on his side and helps him to his feet. Namjoon doesn’t tell him to move away, nor does he let the smell of vomit bother him.
-
Besides deep bruising on various parts of his body, Yoongi will heal physically in a few weeks. It took a few supportive and encouraging conversations with Yoongi, but he agreed to doing a rape kit — so long as Taehyung hold his hand. They need to make sure he’s clean and safe from any dangers after this. Mentally, Yoongi needs a lot of time.
Namjoon has indeed broken two fingers on his right hand, but he isn’t upset, arguing to his managers that he would’ve broke them all if given the chance.
Jungkook suffers a mild concussion while Jimin’s is a little high grade, they too need to be watched.
There’s a celebrity wing to the hospital as well, but that doesn’t make it any safer or less public. So, they’re blessed to have the opportunity to have a room to themselves, as well as keep their visit a secret.
Today has been traumatic for all of them, the degrees of that statement vary greatly. Namjoon can’t help but think it’s all his fault.
Hoseok and Taehyung haven’t been able to speak much, not that they want to, so they remain next to Seokjin whose presence is enough comfort for now.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

SEVENTEEN.0
He’s A Little Devastated

“FUCK!! FUCK!!” Namseon swings his hands destructively over the contents that once covered his coffee table, as they now lay scattered and broken on the floor. His breath heaves shallow in his chest, he punches the wooden table several times until his fist begins to go numb, not that he feels the pain to begin with. The entirety of him is sizzling with a need to hit, gnaw, kick, rip apart. The more those thoughts swirl through his mind, the more he itches to act upon those urges — like an addiction that needs feeding. He’s been doing so well, though, keeping his anger in check and away from innocent people. He knows he overreacts, he knows he loses control, but once those urges take him all else melts away and he moves based on those delicious urges. To itch something taboo makes it all the more mouth watering. Except, he fucked up today. He lost control when he shouldn’t have, when all he wanted to do was talk! He punches the table one last time for good measure. Yoongi wasn’t meant to get hurt, he wasn’t meant to look so terrified of him as if he were some maniac. Namseon went in that studio with the intentions of asking what was bothering him, that’s genuinely the only thing...But then the young boy began reacting with such intrigue that Namseon kept prying and going well beyond the point of personal space. Then he grabbed his foot. The younger boy was ignoring him, he was ignoring the fact that Namseon is older and he should have given the respect he fucking deserves. However, he shouldn’t have touched the boy at all. He should’ve used his words, they were affecting Yoongi perfectly fine, there was no need to get physical. Then again, the moment he grabbed that tiny ankle, gave slack to his mental leash just a tad to really squeeze that bony appendage, he felt warm when Yoongi yelped. He wanted more of that warmth, to drink it up and savor it on his tongue, he needed it to cover his body and fill him on the inside. It was only a test, he wanted to hold him, to feel how small he truly is. The shaking happened before he knew he was doing it, and when he stopped, Yoongi’s face contorted in pain and he felt like he was dipped in that glorious warmth. Watching him though, watching him squirm and pant as Namseon put a crushing grip on his pathetic leg really heated things up. He felt dizzy with the urge to hurt, the urge to completely obliterate the young rapper. But he got his answer, so he followed through with his end of the deal and let go. He only wants answers, and if there’s compliance then there’s no need for more violence. He enjoyed everything that he did, and he feels so sick for it. He shouldn’t have wrapped his hand around the boy’s neck, he was quivering for goodness sake! Yoongi was fucking afraid of him and he still didn’t stop. He threatened — fucking threatened to hurt the entire group. Even their CEO! Namseon feels bile burn its way up his throat before he swallows grossly, feeling the grit travel back down. He looks at the mess on his floor and feels that rage simmering deep inside. “Stop it. Get a hold of yourself!” Namseon demands, his voice filling the cottony silence of his one bedroom apartment. “Please, stop being this way.” Tears gather in his eyes, exasperation and impulsivity scratching and clawing at his entire being. “Please, please, please…” He sinks to his knees and punches his left forearm, feeling the muscle tense before releasing in ripples of spasmastic aches. He punches again, again, moving to his leg to do the same thing. He continues until that urge to hurt someone else neutralizes. He doesn’t want to be like his father. But the addiction is already swimming in his veins. - “Joonie?” Yoongi’s feet pad down the hallway. He’s awoken from his nap after thirty minutes of wrestling him down, he just can’t seem to sleep. “Joonie?” His shy whisper doesn’t carry very far, but he’s determined not to give up. He rounds the corner unintentionally fast and thumps against someone firm. “Oof,” Yoongi gasps and looks up to see who he’s stumbled into. Jungkook smiles when he sees Yoongi’s disheveled hair, crinkled shirt that still has his pacifier clipped onto the collar, and carries his eyes down to his beloved bear he’s hiding behind his leg. “Hey, buddy, whatcha doin’ up?” Jungkook crouches a bit to meet at Yoongi’s eye level, adoring the way the older boy blushes and avoids making eye contact. “Joonie...” Yoongi mumbles through his pout. “Huh, can you speak up?” Jungkook inches closer, but the other boy leans back to keep the distance. “J-Joonie,” Yoongi says louder. “W-Where?” “Oh, he’s in the backyard reading,” Jungkook says. “Dank you,” Yoongi blushes and tries to move past the taller boy. “Hold on, put on a jacket before you go out,” Jungkook says sternly. If it were any other situation, Yoongi might’ve rolled his eyes at the authority Jungkook thinks he possesses. “Mm-mm,” Yoongi shakes his head defiantly, “‘M not cold.” “Please?” Jungkook really doesn’t want to put up with a tantrum by himself. As much as aegyo makes him uncomfortable, he pouts and tries to give his best puppy eyes. Yoongi giggles at Jungkook’s expression and closes the distance between them to wrap his arms around the other’s neck. “No Kookie!” Yoongi giggles. “No?” Jungkook laughs. “Your face looks weird,” Yoongi hops, his arms still circled around the younger boy’s neck, making him wince from the jostling. “Oh, well thank you,” Jungkook doesn’t know if he should be offended and pries the other’s arms off him. “At least grab a blanket before going outside.” “‘M’kay,” Yoongi groans but is happy when Jungkook finally lets him passed. Now that he’s holding a fluffy blanket and his stuffie in his hands, he has trouble pushing the sliding glass door open. By the time he makes it to outside, he’s slightly winded and ready for a true nap. Namjoon looks peaceful sitting on the lounge chair beside the pool. His glasses perched comfortably on his nose, the book rested on his torso where he lay leaned back with his legs folded over one another. Jungkook was right, it’s a tad nippy out but luckily he has the large blanket. Although, seeing Namjoon now, he’s nervous to break the relaxing atmosphere. Just as he begins to turn away, Namjoon’s voice is carried toward his direction. “C’mere, baby,” Namjoon calls to him without looking up from his book. “Lay next to me.” Yoongi slowly makes his way over, feeling more anxious the closer he gets. “Hi,” Yoongi greets quietly when his feet touch the lounge chair. “Lay down, get comfy,” Namjoon says scooting over to provide space for Yoongi. The smaller boy nestles into Namjoon’s side and covers the blanket over the two of them, Brownies held close under his arm. “What are you doing up?” It has only been 10 minutes since Namjoon’s put him down for a nap. “S-Sowwy…” Yoongi grabs the fabric of Namjoon’s jacket in a tight fist, unsure as to why he suddenly starts to cry. At the sound of his crying, Namjoon diverts his full attention away from the book and let’s it rest on his stomach. He maneuvers an arm under Yoongi’s shoulders and hugs him close to his chest. He hopes he isn’t causing more pain to his bruises. “What’s wrong?” Namjoon asks worriedly. “I dunno,” Yoongi buries his face further and whimpers brokenly. “Oh, baby, I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. Is it your neck, maybe? Do you feel sick?” Namjoon asks. “I-I jus’ wan’ Joonie,” Yoongi mewls. Namjoon smiles despite it being one filmed with worry, Yoongi’s been so clingy since yesterday and he hasn’t been out of Little Space for more than a couple hours. All of those hours being consumed with working on music or talking to other producers. And by Little Space, he means little. Yoongi usually regressed to an age that has sufficient ability to make cohesive sentences, now it’s become a guessing game. “You mean the only thing my baby Yoonie wants is some time with Joonie? Well, then that’s not bad at all, huh?” Namjoon jostles Yoongi teasingly, waiting for the older boy to peek up from his hiding place. “There he is~ Does Yoonie wanna spend time with me? You can take your nap right next to me while I read, yeah?” “Y-Yoonie?” Yoongi wipes his face with one of his hands and looks to Namjoon curiously. This is the first time he’s hearing this nickname, even if Namjoon’s used it before. “Oh, do you not like that? I can change it,” Namjoon blushes warmly and accompanies his awkwardness with a small chuckle. “No, I wike it. Yoonie Yoonie Yoonie!” Yoongi sees the discomfort and tries to share his like for the new name with extra enthusiasm. “Yoonie and Joonie.” He giggles at his own expense. Namjoon relaxes and soaks in the sound of the other’s laughter. “I’m glad then,” Namjoon rests his head back against the lounger and plays with Yoongi’s hair in the hand that isn’t occupying the book. “Try to rest your eyes, baby.” He still needs to ask why and how he got those bruises. - Namseon paces in front of his TV, currently showing news of Idols and their success on mute. He’s calm today and that’s how he hopes to remain. He’s meditated before and after breakfast, went for a walk in the park, read some of his book, and even went to the pet store to look at the cute animals there. He feels good. He’s also so very clear minded now and realizes his biggest mistake. He doesn’t have proof of a confession. He should’ve filmed his “interrogation” to secure a reliable confession of their relations, but that also means Yoongi can’t necessarily call him out on his own actions either. No proof. Shit. “Shit!” Namseon did all of that to the poor boy for no reason. He stares at his now glitching tv and has the sudden temptation to throw it out the window, but he won’t. He can’t. That’s got to be illegal. He could kill someone, couldn’t he? No proof. With a snap of his fingers, he smiles as a plan formulates within his pulsating mind. Sometimes it’s difficult navigating his own mind, not knowing what to trust and what thought he needs to get rid of. Getting rid of the wrong thought could lead to non negotiable disturbances. Tomorrow night the entire staff is celebrating their anniversary and success, it’ll be a small party of sorts. Namseon will have to get the truth then, and he knows just how. - “Do we have to be early?” Yoongi groans. Seokjin is currently in his room helping him choose a dressy casual outfit. Yoongi is more than capable of doing this himself, he’s done it almost every single time, however he said he doesn’t want to be alone. A confession like that, coming from Big Yoongi who isn’t even teetering near Little Space is a huge deal. He was praised for his honesty, his Headspace truly helping him express himself better, and yet, his confession wasn’t a pleasant one. When asked why he doesn’t like being alone, Yoongi wouldn’t even bother coming up with an excuse. He just opted for: “no reason” and expected the matter to be forgotten. And thinking back on it, Yoongi hasn’t been alone since two days ago. He’s in Little Space maybe the entire time they’re home, and he’s never alone. Not because he’s regressing younger than normal, but because he’s always seeking someone out. Whether it be for cuddles, being next to someone, holding hands — it doesn’t matter, Yoongi needs to be with someone and they don’t know why. Seokjin brought up Yoongi going to see his psychiatrist to Namjoon, and he thought it was a smart idea. Yoongi wasn’t on the same page. He insisted nothing was wrong and to stop pestering him, so they did. “No one is even going to be there yet,” Yoongi whines again. “Let’s wait until it’s started first. These things always drag out anyways.” “Don’t be like that, you know this celebration isn’t like all the others. This one’s special,” Seokjin says whilst aiding in getting a sweater over Yoongi’s head. “It’ll just be the staff and a few family members.” Seokjin feels Yoongi tense under his fingers but chooses not to comment. The bruises slip from his sight when he fits the sweater all the way down to his hips. “Black jeans, I’m assuming?” Seokjin goes to his closet and unclips a pair of black skinny jeans from its hanger. “Here, lift up your leg.” Yoongi uses Seokjin’s shoulders as support and helps get his foot through the pant hole. The bruise around his ankle disappearing in the darkness. “C-Can I talk you about something?” Yoongi feels his heart rate quicken, his skin beginning to heat under the worrisome gaze of his hyung. He fumbles with the zipper and button, cursing his disjointed fingers. “Of course,” Seokjin tries not to sound afraid of anything Yoongi could share and resists the need to push Yoongi’s hands away and button his pants himself. But that would be getting too personal, Yoongi isn’t Little at the moment. Besides, they’ve been persistent in remaining spacious about the whole bruising fiasco, promising each other not to bring it up unless Yoongi wants to. Mostly because Yoongi hasn’t been out of his Headspace long enough for them to ask any questions, not that they’d want to stress him out needlessly as it was. “Yesterday, u-um, I was in my studio and...” Yoongi can’t believe how drastic his breathing changes, but he can’t seem to keep up. He drags in more air before he has the chance to expel it, creating a tension in his chest. “Never mind. I-I can’t.” His isn’t the only one being threatened. “I’ll save your hyung last, I’ll hurt him so good.” “I’m sorry, I ca-can’t. I ca…” Yoongi feels trapped, cornered and frustrated. He knows he should tell them, it’s their lives too, but Namseon looked serious and remorseless. He doesn’t want to test if he’s bluffing, that would be selfish to put everyone’s lives on the line like that. “It okay, you don’t have to tell me. Just breathe, nice and slow,” Seokjin hates to say he’s experienced so many of Yoongi’s anxiety attacks that his consolation is habitual, but it’s true. No matter how much it hurts seeing him like this, it’ll never compare to how scary it was the first time this happened, at this point he’s going through the motions and making sure Yoongi can breathe properly — that’s all. It feels wrong of him. “There we go, good job sweetie. It’s okay, whatever you want to tell me can wait until you’re ready.” “I don’t wanna go to the party, Jinie. Wanna stay home,” Yoongi mumbles. “M’ tummy hurts.” “Does it have to do with whatever you wanted to tell me?” Seokjin asks. “...I dunno,” Yoongi shrugs and shifts his socked feet uncomfortably. He wants to wear the soft ones Jimin bought him. “Sweetheart, it’ll be okay. We’ll all be there, it’ll just be a small dinner and then a few speeches, I’m sure, and then we’ll socialize for a bit,” Seokjin feels like an awful person, but they can’t skip out on this. “You know these people, Yoongi-ssi, why are you so hesitant to see them? It’ll be just like any other normal day.” “It’s making my tummy huwt,” Yoongi hugs his middle and whines. “Stay home, pwease?” It’s almost a look of pity when Seokjin smiles halfway before placing a hand behind Yoongi’s arm, on his bony elbow, rubbing small patterns with his thumb. “Who’s making your tummy hurt, sweetie?” Seokjin swallows over the fear that’s screaming at him to let Yoongi be, to let him relax before sending him back into another anxiety attack. The other part of him says fuck it, he needs answers — and it’s a part that wins each time for the sake of protection. Yoongi shrugs and twiddles his fingers together. Seokjin doesn’t need to see his face to know he’s lying. The older male peers down at the younger and sees how his lashes twitch from his must be constant nervous eye movements, then he sees that his lower lip is jutted out and wishes the younger would just look him in the eyes. He places a gentle yet firm hold under Yoongi’s chin and draws him back up again, making sure to gain the attention of his eyes. “Who is it, sweetie?” Seokjin asks, his voice straying into unpersuadable and soon Yoongi won’t be able to lie. “Jin hyung, stop it,” Yoongi forces himself out of Little Space and takes his face away of Seokjin’s hold. “Forget what I said, I’ll be fine.” - “And lastly, I just want to say how proud I am for our boys. They truly worked so hard, even when I had nothing to offer them to believe in, they never gave up. They truly are the face of this company and I couldn’t take any of that credit away. I wish to spend more fruitful years together, creating new memories, spreading love and culture throughout the world. I wish to always be in this moment. To Bangtan and to this company’s success,” Bang Shi-hyuk raises his glass and tilts it toward the crowd a fraction before bringing it to his lips. Namseon makes eye contact with Yoongi, who’s sitting two tables down with his group, and smiles gaudily as if mocking the secret they’ve both sworn to never tell. Yoongi feels his entire body cool over, the room suddenly too small and claustrophobic. Yoongi turns away and feels himself falling into Little Space then coming back up again. It’s like being on a roller coaster, his stomach flipping and mind unable to keep up. “Hyung, are you okay?” Jungkook whispers close to his ear. As much as he dislikes strong perfumes, the scent of Jungkook always brings him comfort and he leans closer subconsciously. He wants Brownies. “N-No,” Yoongi has been told so many times not to keep how he feels a secret from the group, Jungkook being the one to always remind him not to pretend to be strong. As much as he so wants to hide and keep his problems buried deep, this isn’t something he can handle alone anymore. “What’s wrong?” At his hyung’s stutter and breathy voice, he subtly offers comfort with a hand rubbing softly on his knee. “I need to go home,” Yoongi knows he sounds desperate, but he can’t seem to bring himself to care. “What’s going on?” Namjoon noticed the growing tension between his hyung and maknae and has gotten up from his chair to squat between the two boys. He whispers quietly, making sure not to draw more attention than they already have. “People are looking.” Yoongi wishes he just locked himself in his room and refused everyone. As much as it wouldn’t be a surprise for everyone else, the staff wouldn’t find his defiance tasteful. He’s their family just as much as he is the boys’, he can’t hide much from them even if he’s adapted his ways of secrecy. “My tummy huwts, Joonie. Home. Pwease, ” Yoongi tries to pull himself out of Little Space, but it takes so much effort that it’s disorienting. Every time he forces himself Big, his vision swims for a second too long, his body goes numb, and he feels lost for a moment as if the entire room is strange and unknown. Namjoon feels the same unease that he experienced when finding Yoongi’s chair toppled over in the wrong place, it’s the same feeling he’s felt when he saw the bruises, the same feeling when Seokjin told him Yoongi is scared to come here. Whoever hurt him, is in this room. “Okay, baby, we’ll go home right now,” Namjoon tries not to sound panicked, but the hairs on his skin are tickling him near the edge of his composure. “But we have a speech,” Jungkook looks shocked at how fast their leader gives in to Yoongi’s whim, wondering what Namjoon heard and he didn’t. “I’ll give it, I’ll ask Seokjin and Taehyung to deliver theirs as well. The rest of you guys stay with Yoongi hyung, got it?” Namjoon knows his whisper is barely audible to even himself, but his nerves are trembling beneath his skin. He can’t give anyone a chance to remotely hear his instructions. “O-Okay,” Jungkook still doesn’t understand what’s going on, but trusts Namjoon has a reason. “Home?” Yoongi looks so desperate, his words not differing. “Yes, first I need to make a little speech and then we’ll go home. Jungkook, tell Jiminie and Hoseok to keep an eye on Yoongi. I’ll let the others know what’s going on,” Namjoon finishes and gets up like they weren’t just scheming a master plan and goes back to his seat. He subtly looks around the room and hates himself for thinking they’re all potential suspects, but it’s true. No one in this room is innocent and he needs to get his family out of here. - It isn’t a formal speech, nothing as nerve wracking as, say, the Grammys, but standing at the mic in front of the staff that is supposed to protect them is incomparable. Someone here doesn’t belong. A server comes by with glasses of water on her tray, she replaces each of the boys glasses and leaves. Yoongi takes the fresh water in uncoordinated hands and hopes the coolness with help quench the dry, past-like anxiety trapped in his throat. A sippy cup would have been better. After several minute, he begins to cough and drinks more water. His throat now soothed and comfortable. He ignores the tickle coming back until he’s forced to cough and clear his throat. Yoongi looks at the three boys standing in front of the mic, each wearing bright smiles as Namjoon’s comfortable speech is filtered over them. Yoongi’s legs suddenly push together and the urge to urinate is pressing. He tugs on Jungkook’s sleeve and makes a whining noise in the back of his throat. He’s been aware that he’s been regressing younger than normal lately, since the other boys keep insisting he wear pull-ups — something he’ll never agree to. After that, he’s skipped drinking fluids to avoid problems like the Jungkook Incident a few days ago, much to Seokjin’s dismay. All morning he’s been drinking tiny sips of water out of uncomfortable habit to fend off the awkward in place of doing something distracting. He isn’t allowed to slip in public, they’ve discussed this — there’s consequences for this — but he can’t stop for some reason. It’s a constant tiring battle that he’s losing more and more each time he resists. With the feeling of a weakened bladder, his Little Space presses heavily against his forehead. He can feel it washing over him, that friendly warmth traveling down his back in comfort. He’s 100% certain if he slips completely now, he’ll lose control of his bladder, and that is not an option. He tugs harder, shaking his Headspace away with a small movement of his head. Jungkook turns away from the speech and looks intently at Yoongi. “I have to go to the restroom,” Yoongi whispers. “Okay, I’ll go with you,” Jungkook leans over to tell Hoseok who nods his head before telling Jimin. “I’ll come with. I have to go, too,” Jimin whispers. Namjoon watches the three boys get up from their chairs and walk near the door. Where are they going? He thinks frantically, eyes widening a fraction. With the lights dimmed to the point of near darkness, he loses them as they travel through the empty chairs and tables and further back in the large room. When the door opens, the light from the outside makes the figures seen again and he catches himself feeling relieved. They’re fine. Nothing will happen with everyone here. He’s about to turn his attention back to Taehyung’s speech when not two seconds later, the door opens. He turns to see if the boys are back that fast, but as more time goes on, he realizes someone else left. He scans the room but can’t find who it is. Everyone he knows is here. - “I don’t feel good,” Yoongi groans, pushing the men’s restroom door open. “Just a little bit longer and we can go home,” Jimin pats his back and goes to the urinals. That isn’t what Yoongi meant but the promise of going home does relax him. However, he feels a bit sluggish as well, and cold despite it being warm in the building. Walking back through the expansive hall, Jungkook gets the sense someone’s watching them. He used to get it when they were just becoming famous — the paranoid feeling of always being watched — it took the entire year to finally be a little okay with it, but it’s been years since they just started out and he hasn’t had this feeling in who knows how long. He glances behind him but sees nothing. He looks to the boys who are lost in conversation, perhaps it’s nothing. There’s sharp pain, then there’s darkness. Yoongi tries to yell, but a cloth is forced in his mouth and pushes his tongue to the back of his throat. The assailant must have hit his front teeth, as they throb deeply. The gag surprises him and the rest of his body is dragged back down the hall before he has time to recover. He struggles viciously, straining to get back to the two boys lying unconscious on the floor, their bodies strewn haphazardly like dolls. He sees blood glistening in Jimin’s white hair and he screams against the painful stretch on his lips. A bag is thrown over his head, tugging and pulling at his neck with the effort to push it down. They don’t care that they hurt him, whoever these men are. They drag him harshly down the stairs, his legs clamouring to find ground only to bang and smash against the concrete staircase and corners. The entire way, Yoongi fights and kicks until his body aches sore but he still doesn’t stop. He’s only fired up more by the way the men laugh at him. He’s thrown onto the floor and the bag is yanked off his head, his hair going in its direction. He winces at the sudden onslaught of light. When he sees Namseon, his eyes widen despite the pain of the fluorescent lighting. “I told you not to tell anyone,” Namseon tisks. He steps close and leans down to Yoongi’s level. “Look what you made me have to do,” Namseon whispers and bites the cartilage of his ear painfully. Yoongi jerks his head away and scurries back as far as he can. He takes the gag out of his mouth and flinches at the pinching at his jaw. “I didn’t tell anyone, I swear,” Yoongi’s eyes leave Namseon’s to look at the other men present. “Dong Hyuk-ah?” Supreme Boi smirks, his hand holding the bag that was once on Yoongi’s head. “Get him on his knees,” Namseon instructs calmly. Two men take Yoongi under the arms and haul him him, holding him in place. Now that he looks around fully, there are six burly men surrounding him. Namseon gestures to another man who takes out a camera. “Now, I’ve made sure to give you a special drink earlier, but how about I give you the rest?” Namseon takes a syringe out of his pocket and uncaps the long needle. “Hold his arm still.” Yoongi pulls hard on his arm, his shoulder feeling like it’s being ripped off. The bigger man keeps him still after a harsh kick to the back of his leg. Namseon presses it into his shoulder, administering it swiftly. If he wasn’t so scatterbrained, he might’ve picked up on his drink being spiked. “This won’t take long,” Namseon says to the room, handing the needle off to one of his goons. “Do you know what I gave you?” Yoongi knows the question is for him, but he refuses to answer. It’s fight or flight right now, his body and mind are acting without him because he knows deep down he’s terrified of Namseon. He chuckles, looking directly at Yoongi with a playful smile. “Sodium pentothal, a psychoactive drug used to obtain information from people who are unable or unwilling to provide it otherwise, or truth serum ,” Namseon explains levely. “Do you feel it slowing down your heart? It should feel relaxing, almost like you’re so tired you can’t find the effort to lie. All your cognitive abilities to aid with complex lies will be gone, but in case you decide to be stubborn, I invited some friends to help... persuade you to be cooperative.” “S-Stop, pleasse,” His words are beginning to slur, the heavy feeling of relaxation holding him in its warmth. He can’t find it in him to be panicked. “Start filming. It’ll only last around half an hour, so let’s make this quick, wouldn’t you like that?” Namseon’s patronizing tone doesn’t help Yoongi’s defiance. Namseon looks to the red light on the camcorder and sighs. He nods his head once and a man knees Yoongi hard in the stomach. His eyes bulge at the impact, but he can’t double over with the men still holding him. He gasps and wheezes trying to find his breath. “Let me ask you again, wouldn’t you like that?” Namseon is more firm, gritting his teeth to remain calm. “Y-Yes,” Yoongi chokes out. “Good boy, keep it up and my boys won’t have to hurt you, and believe me they’re more than happy with your noncompliance,” Namseon smiles. “Tell me, what do the members of your group mean to you?” Why does he keep asking questions like this? He tries to think of something to say, anything that could deter this situation, but the only thing he can think of is the question and the answer right at the tip of his tongue. The harder he thinks the more confused he gets. A fist collides with the side of his face and black dots appear all around him. “Not his face you idiot!” Namseon yells, pulling the man’s arm away. “Don’t make me have to tell you a second time.” Yoongi doesn’t particularly know if he feels the pain, everything becoming so dizzy and numb. The taste of something salty, coppery, stinging at the corner of his mouth. It’s only now that he realizes he is panicking. Though his heart remain calm, his brain is swimming with thoughts and voices screaming at him to fight back and get help. His heart rate speeds up for a second before dying back down. It’s maddening, it’s frustrating, terrifying. A road with hills making his stomach dip nauseatingly. He whimpers, restlessly pulling against the men holding him. “Just answer my questions, Yoongi, and you can go home. What do the boys mean to you?” “Evvery-Everything,” Yoongi winces when his head shifts to fall sagging, his temple feeling a sharp stab that rings in his ear from the swift movement. “See, easy. You’re being so good. What kind of relationship do you have with them?” Namseon can feel his heart thudding in its cage, the adrenaline a drug in his veins. He will finally get his answers, the key to his success. “Mmm...they’re myyy-” Yoongi can’t get the word out and struggles trying to form it with his clouded mind. “Your what? What do they do for you?” Namseon kneels down, at the edge of his excitement, hardly concealing it with his calm stature. The drug is peaking, and Yoongi is slurring and swaying as if he’s drunk. Namseon realizes, yet again, another mistake. He shouldn’t have given him so much. “Tay care o’ me,” Yoongi finally answers. “How?” Namseon is getting angrier by the second. The drug was supposed to give him answers, not these vague half assed, slurry words. “Dey tay care me,” Yoongi slurs, drool becoming harder to swallow. The lack of control, the anxiety, the internal panic of seeing the world around him but having zero control has him spiraling into Little Space. This time, he can’t fight it. He can only see the world around him getting bigger as he sinks further and further away. Little Space is supposed to help him, but not now, not like this. He knows it’s wrong, he knows he can’t do this now, and that’s what makes him hysterical. He needs control, he needs to allow his Headspace to take over on some sort of conscious level, not when he has no choice. “But how, Yoongi. Do they do special things just for you?” Namseon is now holding Yoongi’s chin, keeping his head up from lolling around. He takes out a handkerchief and wipes the drool dribbling over Yoongi’s lip. He’s cute. He second guesses himself for a moment before hardening his grip and shaking his head to gain his attention again. He could flat out ask him the real question, but that isn’t the entire scope of the issue here. He wants the proof that Yoongi is nothing but a submissive fuck, that he’s all Bangtan’s and he’s proud of it. He needs Yoongi to confess it by himself. “Mmhmm yesss. I’m ssuUper special,” Yoongi smiles dumbly, and Namseon has the shaking urge to rip it off his face. “What makes you special?” Namseon asks, his calm demeanor cracking. They’re getting nowhere at this rate. “I’m the- dey tay care o’ me!” Yoongi is frustrated now, Namseon is asking him the same questions. “I know that Yoongi! What do they do specifically that makes you so special? How do they take care of you?” Namseon holds his face in both his hands and fights the need to crush him. “F-Feed meee yum yums...Buy me toyss n’ stuffies!” Yoongi could’ve sworn he bit his tongue, more of the copper taste making him scrunch his nose in disgust. It isn’t an answer Namseon is expecting, nor is the way Yoongi is acting. The drug affects his ability to successfully carry out complex lies, not make him speak like a child. It’s chilling to say the least and something weighs heavy in his stomach. “What else?” Namseon isn’t even sure if his initial speculations are true anymore, and it’s making his stomach cramp. At this point, most of the bulk of the drug should be wearing off, all that’s left is what lingers is small trace amounts. “Mmm...cuddle me, hold hand, annnnddd tickle! Poke me! Hehehe” Yoongi’s manic laughter is wild and drug induced, as if he’s high off anesthesia. “Play with me and-” “Play with you?” Namseon’s hopes are high once again, internally begging that this will steer them away from whatever the fuck Yoongi was going on about. “Y-Yeah, ’m baby boy,” Yoongi mumbles, the drug leaving him lethargic and heavy feeling. “That’s…” Namseon got, thats his answer. He could use this, couldn’t he? He smiles. “That’s sick. You know that?” Namseon lets go of Yoongi’s face and stands back up. The boys around the room all looking at each other with confusion. “Huh?” Yoongi doesn’t know what just happened or why Namseon thinks being Little is nasty. “N-No, s’okay. I’m L-” “Do you let them touch you?” Namseon asks boldly. The men in the room shift uncomfortably at the sudden shift in direct questioning. Supreme Boi smirks and leans against the wall with satisfaction. Namseon briefed them of the nature of his questions before this, and why he’s asking them. They’re aware of the situation, Namseon told them exactly who Yoongi is, but seeing how vulnerable the younger boy is right now doesn’t make it easy. Some of the men of kids of their own, some around Yoongi’s age. And some of them men are Yoongi’s age. He doesn’t understand the question, his mind still moving too slow to comprehend what is asked. Of course he lets the boys touch him, it’s when he’s public or with strangers he doesn’t like skinship. It’s the combination of the drug and his Headspace that makes his mind muddled and unable to sort out the nature of this question. “Yes?” Yoongi answers hesitant. Supreme Boi laughs, effortlessly stopped with a hand from Namseon. He looks at the hand with distaste and goes back to leaning against the wall with a sneer. “Do they all touch you?” Namseon asks. “Yes?” Again, Yoongi can’t analyze anything that’s happening right now. He feels half asleep. “Do you like it when they touch you?” Namseon asks. “N-Not in public…” Yoongi mutters. “Well I’d hope not,” Namseon says with a small laugh. “But do you like it when they touch you? When you’re home with just them.” The only thing swirling in Yoongi’s mind is that question, his brain still suffering with the last lingering bits of the drug. Skinship is fine at home, as long as no one sees it. He loves it when they cuddle him and give him kisses. “Yeah,” Yoongi answers quietly. “I’ve heard enough,” Namseon smiles happily, not believing how easy that was. “Ha. Wow. You’re truly something else. All you boys are! And now I know your secret! And I bet you can’t even keep up with what I’m saying, but don’t worry, tomorrow you’ll likely forget all of this. Don’t worry though, I’ll give you something to remember. And then you’ll give me something that can’t be denied, for the sake of all of your careers.” So he’s their “baby boy” and their whore? Isn’t that daddy dom, baby thing a kink? Bdsm? Is Yoongi an overall submissive baby? Does he call them daddy? Oh shit this is sick. It goes further than he ever thought possible. And yet, the naivety of his confusion, the small and innocent look on his face makes his heart pinch. He has an answer...the nature of the truth is unimportant. He can twist this confession to anything he wants. He gives one last look to Yoongi and honestly feels hesitant to go through with this. “A-Alright boys, let's leave before someone finds us,” Namseon takes the camera in his hand, his career saver right within his fingertips but weighing heavy in his stomach. “That’s it? That’s the confession you wanted?” Supreme Boi looks bewildered. “No one is going to make connections to anything he said! His answers didn’t answer shit. If it were my way, I’d record something he’d never want anyone to see.” “Oh, and what is that? Suddenly you’re the brains? We aren’t doing this “your way”. You’re a washed up producer, your career ended before it even began. Let me handle this, okay? I have a plan. Even if this doesn’t seem useful now, we can use in any way we want,” Namseon smirks wickedly, already mentally marking Supreme Boi as someone no longer even allowed near the building. “Someone clean up his face before me leave, make sure he looks presentable.” Supreme Boi puts a hand on Namseon’s chest and stops him from leaving.
“You’re right, you’re right,” He admits with pursed lips. “I wasn’t the brains, that’s all you. But I’m a very, very creative person, and from what you told us, I’m about to get my career back soon enough,” Supreme Boi’s smile is something Namseon’s seen before. It sends a chill over his skin, heavy lead to his feet. “Make sure he doesn’t interfere,” Supreme Boi tells the other men. Supreme Boi sets the recorder down on a nearby table, facing it where it needs to be. Three men watch Namseon while two still remain holding Yoongi upright. “What do you think you’re doing?” Namseon pushes forward but the men hold him back. “I guess you didn’t take into account that we’d all like a chance to be on the top? You really thought a few hundreds were going to be enough? Are you that daft? We want what you want,” Supreme Boi smiles devilishly. “You’ll still get to keep your CEO fetish, that’s all you bud, you’ll be the face of this operation. But we want half of what you make. And you’ll keep us silent for as long as you keep up with your end. If not, then we’ll say you forced us to do your bidding, we have video to prove it after all.” “You’re insane!” Namseon sputters. “And you aren’t?!” Supreme Boi bites back. At this point, Yoongi’s become more lucid and finally understands why all this is happening. They want to blackmail him into a position as CEO. That can’t happen, he’d never allow it. However, the more lucid he becomes, the more his panic is revealed. “You don’t have to do any of this. I-I’ll pay you however much you want, I don’t need the money,” Yoongi tells Supreme Boi. The lack of drugs gives Yoongi enough control to force his Little Space back. “Leave the others out of this, please.” “I don’t intend to hurt them,” Supreme Boi’s words are calm, not like Namseon’s forced calm that seemed nicer than it should. His calm is as if he simply doesn’t care, like this is nothing to him. Absolutely zero guilt. “The camera’s rolling, and you’re going to deliver a message for me. Namseon made some good points, such a smart man. So let’s give the guy his one wish, tell that fucker Shi-Hyuk to make Namseon the next CEO or I’ll order a hit on him. Then I want you to make a confession for me: “I, Min Yoongi, and the rest of Bangtan Sonyeondan, have been lying to all of you. I can no longer continue on with this charade, and it’s time all of you knew. To our fans ARMY, I want to deeply apologize for using all of you for fame. We never cared about any of you, nor what your lives consist of, and if you think we take the time to read anything you write to us, you’re fools. We have fallen into lies and deceit since the begging. No one would take our true selves seriously, so we decided we’d lie to fit in. Steal other’s works and call it our own, deny all the accusations, and continue doing it. Not only that, but we have engaged in inappropriate behavior with our fans. I am so tired of keeping up with these lies. Do not forgive us, we don’t deserve it”,” Supreme Boi gives Yoongi the piece of paper with the speech written in poor penmanship. “Such a beautiful confession.” “Are you fucking serious? None if this is true,” Yoongi is still in a relatively weakened state, but his fight is coming back. “It’s painfully obvious it’s not true, our fans wouldn’t believe any of that.” He crumples the paper in his fist and drops it to the floor. Supreme Boi slaps him before sighing deeply. “Oops, I forgot we can’t hit your face,” Supreme Boi backhands him again, a mocking noise of pain hissing from the smile still on his lips. Yoongi hangs his head, blinking hard trying to stop the room from spinning. Supreme Boi picks up the paper and opens it back up, smoothing out the crinkles. “They’d believe anything if it means you’re the one saying it, that's for anyone in your band of merry men,” Supreme Boi says bitterly. “You can say you’re 5’10” and fans will believe you despite it being “painfully obvious” that it’s wrong.” Supreme Boi will make sure Namseon doesn’t make any moves on his own unless he knows he’s guaranteed a spot on that throne. The only thing Supreme Boi wants is his old job back as a producer in BigHit, and for the boys to lose everything. He wants them on leashes, make them work for him. He will destroy everyone’s careers and make sure America’s newest Sweethearts can never return again. Korea will hate them, will shame them, will have every reason to treat them like the maggots they rightfully should be. “What do you think you’re doing? You’re talking about destroying their careers— the company. That’s not the plan! We aren’t doing that,” Namseon tries to step forward but the men push him back against the wall. “Oh yes, yes we are, and it’s all thanks to you,” Supreme Boi gestures grandly to the older man. “You’ll get what you want, so don’t you worry.” If he ruins their career, there’d be no BigHit to work for, this isn’t the plan. He’s completely lost it. Namseon had his two plans: A - truth serum, and if that didn’t work then they’d go to plan B - he’ll use the men hired to beat Yoongi until he confessed. But after hearing what kinks Yoongi is into, it seems as if Supreme Boi needs more. And how he’s going to get that, Namseon isn’t sure. He struggles fiercely and gages how strong his captors are before he settles back down. Yoongi looks up to Supreme Boi with fear blatant in his eyes, yet a scowl on his brow. “Bend him over the table,” Supreme Boi demands. The boys comply rather tentatively, but Yoongi is laid down in position soon enough. His struggles doing little against the much larger and stronger men. The after affects of the drug leaving his muscles numb and tingly. “Let me go! Stop!” Yoongi yells. Supreme Boi smirks at the opportunity, in Yoongi’s bent over position it’s easy for him to knee him in the crotch. The air leaves his lungs and his pelvis cramps in fiery stabs. The throb travels directly to his stomach in waves of nausea making him dizzy. The position on the table an impossible barrier to curl into. He coughs several times to cover up the cries that want to come out. Never in his life had he been kicked or kneed that hard before, and he’s played with the younger boys when they’re at their most hyperactive state. Supreme Boi’s smile widens when Yoongi’s squirming stops, and his body now lay limp. “Try stopping me again, and I’ll make it feel like they’re being ripped off your body,” Supreme Boi promises. “And you, too, Namseon. If you try to stop me, I’ll do the same to you.” Namseon doesn’t respond, just nods curtly and stands in the corner. He needs to do something to help. He never wanted to do this to the kid, he just wanted him beaten, but they got their confession! This is pointless. This is...there’s no going back from this. For either of them. At least being beaten would have only broken his pride not his...not his mind. “Hold him still,” Supreme Boi orders. Hands hold Yoongi down, he can feel his chest and ribs rub harshly against the wooden table before they press bruisingly hard. This isn’t happening, this can’t happen. The boys will find him. They’re always here when he needs them. His belt is being removed, his breathing becoming more labored each second he’s pressed harder on the table. Supreme Boi’s fingers linger too long at the belt buckle before he begins pulling it out of each loop at a sluggish pace. “Pick up the camera and get a better angle,” Supreme Boi barks. “I swear, I will fucking ruin you,” Yoongi grits out. “I’ll make sure you’re locked away forever.” “And I’ll make sure your locked away in your head, forever ,” Supreme Boi whispers. “So be good and go along with the plan, okay baby boy.” __ “NOOO! Please! PLEASE!!” The child rings out in shrill scream. “You look so beautiful, just how your mother always looked,” A low growl makes his lithe body shudder uncontrollably. “Now take it like the slut she was.” — Namseon is frozen stiff, the shrieks and cries sounding like echos coming back to him. As if he’s finally hearing for the first time, coming out of the depth of his own darkness he’s grown to forget. It’s no longer surrounding him, but crying and gasping in front of him. Yoongi can’t end up like him. “S-Stop. Stop it get off him!” Namseon lunges forward and tears Supreme Boi off of Yoongi with enough force to send the younger boy flying against the opposite wall. Without instructions from either of their “mastermind leaders” the other men in the room stand still with uncertainty in their actions. Yoongi struggles to break free but the men know to at least hold him down. “What the fuck is wrong with you!? This is what you wanted!” Supreme Boi yells, a man helping him stand. “No! I never wanted this! I never wanted any of this. Don’t you fucking dare touch m- him,” Namseon feels that urge to tear apart something, someone, his skin tingling with adrenaline. “Don’t lay a finger on him. He didn’t do anything.” “You’re making a mistake,” Supreme Boi says lowly. “I know...I know that,” Namseon nods agreeingly. “But now I’m fixing it. You can, too. It doesn’t have to go this route.” “So what? The deal's off? You’re just going to be a nobody for the rest of your life?” Supreme Boi scoffs. “This was never part of the deal! I never said to r...I never said this . I’d gladly be a nobody than a—than a rapist,” The word is nauseating in his throat, and it isn’t something he wants to say while Yoongi in such a vulnerable position. “I just wanted you to rough him up a bit, scare him. Not this. You’re a monster. And...and s-so am I for planning any of this.” “Bag’em,” Supreme Boi orders, unfazed by everything he said. Namseon uses this moment to surprise punch one of the men, rendering him unconscious. He tries to fight off one of the men holding Yoongi down but soon three others are pulling him back. “If you don’t have the balls to take over the company, then I’ll do it alone,” Supreme Boi pulls out a gun from his jeans and aims it at Namseon who’s fighting against the stronghold of the other men. “Move him. Keep the fucking camera on.” “Bro what the fuck!?” “Are you crazy?” “This shit ain’t worth it, bro! Let’s go!” His goons all jump back in fear when the gun is pulled out. They’re done. None of them signed up for this. “You don’t leave until I get what I came for,” Supreme Boi waves the gun to and from each man. “Now move .” At this point, the goons have stopped resisting Namseon and he’s able to break free. This is all getting out of hand, it’s spiraling too fast. The man holding Yoongi down has also let go, and he slowly turns around to see Supreme Boi is now pointing the gun at him. This is all becoming too much. His stress levels are as rhythmic as his thudding heart that’s currently crashing painfully against his chest. Namseon stands in front him, blocking the guns pathway. Yoongi is surprised from the turn of events, after his scare encounter with Namseon he swore the man was a serial killer. “No!” Namseon puts his hands out in defense. “You know this is going too far, and I won’t let you hurt him anymore. Yoongi is done w-“ His words stop when a gunshot rings through the small room. There’s a high pitched silence that rattles Yoongi’s ears, he can’t even feel his own heartbeat and for a moment he thinks he’s dying. That is, until he opens his eyes. Namseon looks down and sees blood seeping through his blue dress shirt at rapid speed. His fingers tremble as they go to touch the bullet hole. The moment he touches it, it becomes real, and he falls to the ground and slumps where he lands. As Namseon falls, Yoongi’s wide eyes and frantic composure is revealed. He’s afraid of loud noises, and the gun sends him straight into a panic attack. Namseon...Namseon is- he couldn’t be. He can’t be. Yoongi suddenly feels very vulnerable, alone. Namseon might’ve been the only one against Supreme Boi, now there’s no one to stop him and everyone in the room is so much larger than him. That fact alone almost makes him spiral into Little Space, but he doesn’t want to experience this in such a young headspace. He knows he can’t. Not that he wants to experience this at all. He jumps back, his butt hitting the table harshly when he sees the tips of his shoes meeting the edge of the blood pool forming under Namseon. His breathing is the first thing he hears again, followed by the bile burning at the back of his throat. He couldn’t be. Can’t be. “Anyone else have something to say?” Supreme Boi looks around the room, gun still clutched firmly in his hand. “Please, don’t,” Yoongi whimpers, his fight flooding out of him as quickly as the blood pooling on the floor. The room they’re in is an old meeting room, Yoongi realizes. They must be in the part of the building closed off for renovations. But the gun, the gun should’ve been heard throughout the building. He may not have his confidence to be bold and firey, but he can at least try to buy time. “W-What do you even want from me?” Yoongi tries to scoot further away from the blood, his own leaving his face and forcing him pale. “Remember ‘rollin’? I was one of the producers of that song, as you well know,” Supreme Boi says coldly. “You and the others cut me out after that. You said it was one of the many issues you had with me. After so many years being by your side, you didn’t even have the decency to give me notice before kicking me out.” Yoongi remembers that. He quite bluntly and savagely told him off on how his song with Iron, was tasteless and disrespectful to so many women. They’ve had backlash before for their older songs, when they were young and trying to fit an image they thought was cool, but once women started saying how hurt they were by their lyrics, they changed. But ‘rollin’ was beyond help. Speaking of raping woman as if it were a pastime, something to be had for fun. Yoongi doesn’t regret saying what he said. “It was just a fucking song, Yoongi! You got me fired for nothing! Y’know what, though?” Supreme Boi smirks, licking his lips wetly. “If it’s who you think I am, then that’s who I’ll be. And just so you know, woman aren’t the only things men can enjoy.” “What are you doing?” One of the goons ask, fear evident in his voice. “We need to- we gotta get outta here, man. You killed someone.” “Are you volunteering to be next?” There’s silence, no one making a move. He turns back to Yoongi, gun now touching his thudding chest. “Go ahead. Rap about me. Make another cypher. But after this, you’ll wish you never got rid of me. After this, I’ll always be in that fucked up head of yours. Give me a nice warm place right next to those daddy issues and your little brother syndrome.” “Please, don’t do this,” Yoongi shudders, his legs feeling weak. “Seeing you like this is hard, I want you to know that. You were like a brother to me. You used to come to me for advice,” Supreme Boi’s soft expression turns sour, anger replacing a good memelry. “So c’mon, ask me how to get out of this situation. Be that insecure, hopeless, depressed kid again, beg me to make you feel better about yourself and maybe I’ll let you enjoy this. No? That’s what I thought. You — hold him down — and this time, don’t let go or I will kill you.” Yoongi is frozen stiff, fear making him tremble painfully. This room is where they had one of their first meetings as a group. That feeling of being part of an agency that held the same hopes as him was something magic couldn’t replicate. That feeling wouldn’t come back until he won his first Daesang. He thought he’d be able to tell that little boy so many years ago that life was done hurting him, that his yin was finally experiencing yang. When they shot their jackets and promos for ‘Love Yourself: Her’ that would ultimately be the key they’ve been searching through the ocean for. The air was clean then, it was serene and sweet. “Beg, Yoongi. Call me your daddy,” He slides the gun over the hem of his sweater. “Beg. Maybe I’ll stop. Maybe I’ll stop just for my baby boy.” Yoongi weakly tugs on his arms that are being held down. He feels like his voice doesn’t want to work, or maybe the effort to cry has become too much under the stress. Someone smacks him, splitting the corner of his mouth. He whimpers trying to sit up but gets pushed down by another guy. His vision is swimming and it getting harder to find the will to be composed when all he wants to do is cry and be held. “Oh c’mon little boy, I won’t do anything bad.” “You’re hurting me! Let go!” “Bruised fruit tastes the sweetest.” The humiliation chokes him, makes him turn his face away his in shame, squeeze his mouth shut to hide the cries that would come out otherwise. His Headspace keeps drifting and slipping, he can’t keep up with this. He can feel his throat working, but he can’t hear himself. If he’s moving, he isn’t sure what he’s doing. His eyes are open but he can’t see. The gun comes down onto his stomach and he wheezes through a sob. “Who’s there?” A gruff voice calls out, muffled by the door. Yoongi can't tell who said it, but all of the hands are soon leaving his body and letting the cool air chill the previously warm touches. He curls in on himself and shudders uncontrollably. - 20 Minutes Since Yoongi’s Been Taken… “Where’d everyone go?” Namjoon asks as soon as he finds his seat. The loud chatter amongst room has resumed as normal, meaning the boys can talk a little more openly. “Restroom,” Hoseok answers simply. “Did you see the person who left after them?” Namjoon asks urgently. “Umm, no, I didn’t,” Hoseok answers, feeling Namjoon’s nerves rile him up. He didn’t even notice someone else leave. “What’s the matter?” Seokjin leans closer to Namjoon and notices how the younger boy looks scared, it isn’t something he’s used to in the leader. “I’m gonna check the restroom,” Namjoon sounds frazzled, not making any sense. “Joon-ah, breathe. What’s going on?” Seokjin grabs Namjoon’s shoulder to steady him. “I should’ve said something sooner, but I think the person who gave Yoongi those bruises is here tonight,” Namjoon rushes out. “Dammit. I need to find the others.” Seokjin should’ve known better, should’ve paid more attention to Yoongi’s discomfort. This isn’t all of Namjoon’s fault — it isn’t his fault at all, but they can’t play this game right now. “I’m coming with you,” Seokjin says. “If they come back before us, call us.” Taehyung and Hoseok nod, albeit not as confident as Namjoon would have hoped. This doesn’t seem like a small bump to their night, this sounds scary and they aren’t sure what that honestly entails. Namjoon and Seokjin are walking fast out of the room and down the long hallway, ignoring Sejin’s confused stare. Everyone is still inside the room, making the halls an eerie quiet. They boys should be on their way back by now, it shouldn’t be this dead silent. They speed up their walking into an near jog when they both stutter in their movements. Around the corner lays Jungkook and Jimin, both unconscious. Namjoon’s blood freezes and he rushes to their sides. “W-What do we do? What happened? Are they d-dead?” Namjoon feels panicked, overwhelmed in only a matter of seconds. He can’t keep up with his frantic mind. “Namjoon, calm down. I need you to stay alert, we can’t start freaking out now,” Seokjin is surprisingly calm in Namjoon’s eyes, and it anchors him down to the moment. Seokjin tells himself to breath, like an affirmation in his head. “R-Right,” Namjoon nods, speaking more to himself than Seokjin. “It'll be okay. Everything’s okay.” “Can you stay with them, Namjoon? Can I leave you with them while I go get help?” Seokjin asks firmly. They can’t sit here and ask questions of “who did this?” and “what’s happened?” — it’ll get them nowhere. Namjoon doesn’t want to be alone, the hallway is unfamiliar now and scary and their maknaes are unconscious. Whoever did this can come back, and if they overpowered two people and took Yoongi, then they’d surely overpower Namjoon. He shakes his head, eyes forming tears. He feels guilty but he can’t help it. “No, no don’t wanna be alone,” Namjoon reaches for Seokjin before he even makes a move to leave. “Okay, okay, we’ll stay together,” Seokjin says with an empathetic smile. Namjoon may be the leader, but Seokjin’s still his hyung and he couldn’t possibly leave him like this. Instead, he calls their CEO to tell him exactly what they found. The moment he hangs up the phone, they can hear the uproar in the room down the hall. Their staff must have been informed, or maybe overheard the distressed call. Only moments later, Hoseok and Taehyung are running down the hall with Sejin and Bang Shi-hyuk beside them. “We’re evacuating the building,” Bang Shi-hyuk explains. The authorities have already been called, but the boys can’t seem to give up. They need to find Yoongi themselves. They have to. Sejin picks up Jimin bridal style, eyes widening at the sight of blood dried up on his temple. “Help get Jungkook, we need to leave,” Sejin instructs. “Let’s go.” His firm tone sets the boys in motion and they gather Jungkook in their arms. Most of the staff is already outside by the time the police arrive. A gunshot is heard within the building and it rings throughout the parking lot. The gasps, and screams from the onlookers couldn’t be anything compared to what’s happening inside. The paramedics take the maknaes away and begin checking them over. This doesn’t seem real, none of it. Namjoon brings the remaining boys into a close huddle and prays, the sound of police officers running into the building pushed far into the background. - Present Time... The office door is opened quickly and the man on the other side is grabbed roughly. “It’s just the janitor,” One of the large men say. “Take care of him,” Supreme Boi orders. “I have unfinished business.” He almost growls at seeing Yoongi shaking and balled up on the table. So vulnerable it makes him laugh. Yes, he’ll certainly wish he never got rid of him. No more interruptions this time. “Look, we did what you wanted,” The camera guy turns off the camera and looks to the other boys. “He isn’t even fighting back. It’s-It’s all wrong. Let’s just go. This footage is more than enough.” “It isn’t over until I fucking say it is!” Supreme Boi shoots the ceiling, his chest heaving. They act as if he doesn’t know how fucking far he’s going. He knows. He fucking know. But it’s too late. They can’t take this back. And to Supreme Boi, that only means to go all the way. “Well have fun, because I’m out of here,” The camera guy says. He tosses the camera to another guy and heads to the door. “No!” Supreme Boi doesn’t mean to, but the trigger was already halfway pulled by the time he realizes what he’s doing. The cameraman hits the door before sliding down it, a hole seeping behind his head. Supreme Boi stands shocked before turning back to Yoongi. “This is all your fault!” Supreme Boi screams. He grabs Yoongi by his sweater and throws him to the floor. It’s wet and thick, and Yoongi has a sinking feeling that he knows what it is and who it’s from. The weight of another body pinning him down into the liquid copper beneath him. It’s no longer warm as it seeps into his hair and through his thick sweater. He closes his eyes slowly. He could be dead, and he isn’t sure he’d know the difference - 40 Minutes Since Yoongi’s Been Taken… They’re careful, having already heard two gunshots echo through the halls. The building isn’t necessarily big, but checking all the rooms isn’t as fast as it should be. Each door handle is checked before someone gives a signal, receiving a nod then opening the door quickly, while another officer is sent in. There’s five officers, still, they can’t be too careful. They’ve seen the faces of the crowd outside, they’re aware of how precious this situation is. They travel down the halls quickly, keeping in mind that someone they love is down here. The police officers hear cries from a far location down the hall, and follow it with fast moving steps. The hallways are dark, this part of the building seemingly closed off with plastic tarps covering several room entrances. The smell of paint and drywall dust lingering in the air. - Present Time… The door is kicked open, too many sounds of yelling and metal clinking to make sense of. Yoongi shudders when Supreme Boi takes his fingers away from his pants. He scrambles to close the buttons, eyes locked on the struggling men. An officer holsters his gun before approaching Yoongi, but the latter kicks and whines much like a hurt animal and tries to get away. A woman officer whispers into the male’s ear and he lets up. He’s confused at first, but the woman begins to coo encouraging words and he stops kicking. He doesn't take his eyes off her, watching as she uses soft movements and wraps something warm around him. Her soft voice washes over him, if it’s directed to him, he couldn’t say, but they sound safe, very gentle, so he falls into them.- A body, covered in red, is wheeled out on a gurney and the boys rush forward. Namjoon sees the black hair and almost cries until he sees passed the oxygen mask. It’s Namseon, the lifeless man is Namseon. Seokjin pulls Namjoon away from the gurney. “Get out of the way, son,” One of the paramedics say. “It wasn’t him,” Namjoon says relieved, but not all the way. Yoongi has yet to make an appearance. “Hyung!” Taehyung cries, seeing Yoongi being walked out under the care of someone else’s hands. He’s swaddled tightly in a blue shock blanket, eyes staring off blankly. The boys surround the officer, who gives them all a sympathetic gaze. He lays the boy down on a gurney and lets the paramedics do their job. Before they can say anything, that’s when Supreme Boi and the other men are being walked out in handcuffs. It doesn’t make sense at first, not as if the entire situation does, but Supreme Boi couldn’t have done all this. But the look on his face, that smug fucking smirk says it all. His jeans have blood stains on his knees, so do his hands. What the hell happened in there? Namjoon isn’t usually an angry person, not to the point where he trembles with it. He’s running before he knows it, his body and mind almost numbed by the rage that swallows him. He tackles Supreme Boi and blacks out. Seokjin has never seen Namjoon this enraged, glad Hoseok is comforting Taehyung near Yoongi that they don’t have to see this. Seokjin runs forward and helps the officers peel the two boys away from each other. In all honesty, Seokjin wanted to reign in a couple punches himself but stops the second he sees Supreme Boi’s face. His eyes are swollen, maybe a broken eye socket, nose gushing, temple torn open, earlobe popped. His mouth is a mangled mess of blood clots and hanging teeth. Once Namjoon is thrown to the side, Seokjin loses it on the sidewalk. He’s never seen someone so unrecognizable, but it will haunt him forever. Namjoon feels the cold asphalt rough on his elbows and forearms where he catches his fall. He knows he’s probably bleeding there, but can’t bring himself to care, his eyes following Supreme Boi. He doesn’t remember what happened, but his knuckles are busted and covered in blood. Seokjin is throwing up not too far from his feet, but he can’t move. He glances back down to his hands with curiosity, he clenches his fingers and cries out. One of them, his fingers, one of them must be broken — maybe more. Seokjin is back on his side and helps him to his feet. Namjoon doesn’t tell him to move away, nor does he let the smell of vomit bother him. - Besides deep bruising on various parts of his body, Yoongi will heal physically in a few weeks. Mentally, Yoongi needs a lot of time. Namjoon has indeed broken two fingers on his right hand, but he isn’t upset, arguing to his managers that he would’ve broke them all if given the chance. Jungkook suffers a mild concussion while Jimin’s is a little high grade, they too need to be watched. There’s a celebrity wing to the hospital as well, but that doesn’t make it any safer or less public. So, they’re blessed to have the opportunity to have a room to themselves, as well as keep their visit a secret. Today has been traumatic for all of them, the degrees of that statement vary greatly. Namjoon can’t help but think it’s all his fault. Hoseok and Taehyung haven’t been able to speak much, not that they want to, so they remain next to Seokjin whose presence is enough comfort for now.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Yoongi brings his knees to his chest, eyes trained to the window that’s been left ajar, filtering in a faint ray of warm sun. Someone must’ve checked in while he was napping and opened it. The breeze doesn’t make it far, or maybe he doesn’t quite feel it. Taehyung. He hopes it was Taehyung who came in to see how he was fairing. There’s a glass of water on his bedside table, he wants to smile but can’t find the muscles to move. He smiles in his head. Taehyungie. His lip twitches before going still. Brownies is turned belly down against his satin pillow, he props him up so he’s looking out. He wants to sigh, though the exertion to do so seems very.
His parents came to visit as soon as they heard what happened, frantic and overwhelmed as they rushed into the bare room. Even if Namjoon is the one the hospital should call, the other boys said his family should be present and he couldn’t really argue that. It was nice and he was glad they came to see him, for he had no idea how badly he needed them. They insisted on staying but he told them to go back home, they mustn’t worry over him at their age despite his internal longing for family. Besides, he can’t truly relax whenever they’re near, as bad as that is, he’d rather be allowed to take off his mask. His brother was harder to convince, staying a few days longer and taking care of him. That was nice, too, but eventually Yoongi made him depart back home. His mask, at last, fell.
He wasn’t annoyed of them, he wasn’t satisfied enough with their short visits, but he was slipping in and out of Little Space and his father was growing concerned as time went. His mother, as odd as it was, said she enjoyed it when he let her play with his hair and when he used a soft voice. Not that she couldn’t baby him when he’s in his grown Headspace, he just usually complains and grumbles, putting on a show despite loving the affection. If he mispronounced a word because he was Little, she would smile in that way she does — like everything is okay as long as she’s there to fix it. She’d explain the proper way to say the word, making Yoongi regress even smaller but he’d still try his hardest. He would pout and she would smile again, kissing his cheek as gingerly as she could.
He asked for his sippy cup, almost driven completely on instinct and nearly broke down out of panic, yet she did nothing except say: “It’s okay.” She looked so soft as she lay a blanket over his shoulders, whispering to him that he rest while she retrieved his one wish. She kissed his tears away, she hugged him tightly with his cheek squished up against her warm one. In a way, he wished she was like this when he wasn’t in his Headspace; she stopped doing these things the moment he got into middle school. Perhaps the terrible event is what brought out this fussing mother side of her, made her realize how easy it would be to lose her baby. How she really did lose a piece of him. She must’ve misunderstood his Little Space as being needy.
His brother, however, witnessed more than he would’ve preferred. Again, he didn’t say anything, and for that Yoongi is appreciative. He gave small pats to the top of his head, encouraged him to eat even when he felt empty, praised him for the smallest of things. Yun Ki tied his shoes for him, brought him in the backyard for fresh air because going in public is too scary for now. His older brother even got him to swim before he left. It was hard, at first, Yoongi being so very uncomfortable in his swim trunks that he started tearing up. His brother swept him into a long hug and repeatedly kissed the top of his head until the tears subsided. He was brought to arms length and Yun Ki ruffled his hair. “It’s okay, little one, it’s just water.” Those words did something to him, he can’t remember what, but his brother smiled that smile he used to wear when he was young. It was almost an old memory jogged, although it flitted away before he could grasp it. All he knew was that warm bubbly, floaty feeling was something he felt long ago, and his brother smiled so adoringly before. Mayhaps it was after he almost jumped off that bridge, his brother coming home unexpectedly and driving to find Yoongi. After the tears, there was a rainbow like smile, making Yoongi feel so small and loved. They swam. No splashing or loud noises, but swimming with Yun Ki was the best thing he’s done in a long time.
Jimin and Jungkook are dealing with the news as well as they can be. It was hard for them to wake up in the hospital and hear of what had happened to Yoongi. For Yoongi, it was scarier waiting for them to wake up, especially Jimin. Jungkook awoke first, groggily and confused. Yoongi waited for Jimin to do the same, but he remained motionless for two more days. Even now, every time he looks at Jimin’s light, fluffy hair, he swears there’s still red stained in there. Jungkook refuses to admit he’s hurt, doing everything he can to convince everyone he’s fine. Though the hallways are quiet at night, they hear him crying in his room — it’s never for long until there’s a sound of Hoseok padding down the hall to offer comfort. He hasn’t been turned away, so far. Jungkook bought Yoongi a Kumamon blanket, but he leaves it in his room for the elder to nap with. The blunt force they attacked Jimin with left him far more concussed that Jungkook, but he woke with the need to comfort everyone else instead.
Namjoon is healing well, but there’s this anger Yoongi sees every now and then that makes him afraid. It’s never been there before, usually the younger boy opts for contemplative disappointment or expressions through lyrics — anger with nowhere to go is ill-fitting. The first time Yoongi saw the change was when Bang Shi-Hyuk sent an email about what to say to the public. The mere mention of Supreme Boi made Namjoon curse up a storm and throw a PlayStation remote across the room. It broke against the wall. Seokjin held a crying Namjoon, Yoongi wide eyed and silent. He doesn’t like an angry Namjoon. They didn’t give the speech, Namjoon didn’t want to. No one argued.
The gunshots were heard miles out and the news couldn’t be hidden, but what took place inside was withheld for the better of everyone. BigHit later issued a public statement about the event in as few words as they could, in the end saying the boys will be taking a much needed break. Their fans had their happy recovery wishes trending for a little over a week, it made them smile.
The crazy thing is how every person seems to be blaming themselves, but no one could’ve seen this happening. Yoongi gets it, though, he blames himself, too, even if he knows he did nothing wrong.
So that makes it a week and a half since the whole ordeal. The police finished their questions yesterday, not really having much to ask considering Namseon confessed to everything the second he woke up from surgery, as well as having caught Supreme Boi in the act. The video footage was unedited and filmed the entire attack play out, all of their plans and motives spoken crystal clear. Their blackmail ended up being their prison ticket. Everything was laid out perfect.
He shudders, moving his eyes away from the window and pulling his legs closer. His spot on the bed is growing uncomfortably warm at this point, but he doesn’t make a move. This body is no longer his, but a capsule his mind has forgotten how to use.
There’s a knock against the open door. He flinches.
“How are you doing?” Seokjin asks, his voice as light as the breeze outside.
He walks across the room and sits at the foot of the bed. Close, but Yoongi needs him closer. He wants to so badly answer that question normally, but the second he sees any of the members, he’s flung straight into Little Space. He doesn’t want to confront what happened, what he’s made everyone go through. At least in Little Space he doesn’t have to worry about adult responsibilities; he can procrastinate for a little while longer.
“Sweepy,” Yoongi mumbles, his mind melting into warm honey.
That’s another thing, typically going into Little Space would allow Yoongi to be much more expressive, now he’s more withdrawn and less sociable. He’s shy, quiet, insecure, and overall sensitive. It concerns the boys that Little Yoongi was hidden from all the pain Big Yoongi went through, but all that depression seems to have seeped over the lines anyhow.
“Do you wanna come relax with me in the living room? I’m colouring,” Seokjin smiles something small. There’s no way he can put him down for another nap, he won’t be able to sleep once night comes and they’ve enabled that mistake too many times.
Yoongi nods and raises his arms to be held, tears springing to his eyes. Yet another thing changed, since last week’s ordeal every time Yoongi realizes he wants attention and affection he’ll start to tear up. It’s as if the sudden need must be fulfilled at that moment or he’ll wither away or the pain has become too much, but the boys need that connection, too. They need to hold him closer, make sure he’s safe and next to them. As much as it worries them to not be able to speak to Yoongi normally, they know things like this can’t be rushed. The bruises still haven’t gone away, and things will take time.
Seokjin coos and wraps his arms around the smaller boy carefully, gingerly, because now it’s as if he’ll shatter beneath his fingertips. Yoongi doesn’t mind the soft touches, because they’re different from the cruel ones and he leans into them.
Yoongi whimpers and buries his face into Seokjin’s neck.
“Don’t worry, I got you,” Seokjin sways for a moment, inhaling the quiet for a little bit longer. “Alright, lets go.”
Everyone is recovering, nothing will be normal for a while because of that. There’s a tense veil that’s now covering their smiles and pleasantries. With the knowledge they’ve learnt together, there’s never been a need to hide anything, yet they can’t bring themselves to speak of it.
Taehyung sees Seokjin carrying in a quiet Yoongi and sits up from the couch. He doesn’t even remember what he was doing nor realize how long he’s been staring at the ceiling.
“What are you guys up to?” Taehyung sits on the floor where Yoongi is lowered. His voice is soft, caring, yet still as confident as it used to be and Yoongi is proud of that.
He wants that same level of blunt confidence, though he hangs his head low and blushes, instead.
“Remember it’s just me, cutie? You don’t need to be shy with TaeTae,” Taehyung knows his smile is a little too forced, he hopes Yoongi can’t see it. “Are you guys gonna play?”
“M’ d-dwawing,” Yoongi mumbles.
“That sounds really fun,” Taehyung smiles a little easier when Yoongi looks at him for a few seconds. “Maybe later we can get you a new stuffie, too. Wouldn’t that be nice?”
Yoongi’s small gasp is so genuine, so innocent and harmless that it makes a lump form in Seokjin’s throat. At the mere mention of a new stuffie, Yoongi regresses more. His Little Space has been inconsistent lately, but none of them know what to do to help level it out or even help him out of it.
“Dank’u DaeDae,” Yoongi says shyly.
“You’re welcome, cutie,” Taehyung pokes Yoongi’s noise with a small, “ boop!”
Yoongi smiles and crawls to Taehyung. He sits on Taehyung’s criss crossed legs and settles against his chest.
“Sweetie, do you want some fruit while you colour?” Seokjin asks.
Yoongi nods while he picks through the box of crayons. He finds the delicate picture of a baby duck suitable to colour. Nothing stays within the lines, but Yoongi focuses intensely.
Seokjin busies himself in the kitchen to quickly make the snack. It’s been hard trying to get Yoongi to eat, so he must prepare it swiftly in case the younger changes his mind.
“You’re really good at drawing,” Taehyung coos, poking his stomach gingerly. “Like a little Picasso.”
Yoongi smiles. It still isn’t a giggle, but he’ll take a smile any day.
“Miss mommy,” Yoongi says, surprising Taehyung.
“She had to go back home, love,” Taehyung rests his chin on Yoongi’s shoulder. “You can call her tonight before bed, if you like.”
“M-Mommy,” This time, Yoongi stops coloring and looks around the room, half wishing she would pop up from somewhere.
Without seeing her, tears trickle faster than Taehyung has a chance to stop them. He hiccups, sucking in a sharp breath before a sob interrupts him. Taehyung shushes him, but his efforts are no match for the tears.
“W-Wan’ Mommy!” Yoongi wails.
Seokjin walks with a medium sized bowl of fruit and sets it down to get Yoongi. Taehyung gladly allows Seokjin to help, wanting nothing more than for Yoongi to stop crying so miserably.
“Oh, my sweetheart, mommy went back home, remember?” Seokjin says as gently as he can.
Yoongi shakes his head in denial, sniffling and hiccuping.
“Mommy n-no wi-wike me?” Yoongi feels his chest growing tighter, the aching pain spasmodic like a muscle.
“Your mommy loves you very, very much, Yoongi. She loves you with all her heart,” Seokjin brings Yoongi closer, setting him on his own lap. They knew sending his parents back so soon was too fast, Yoongi wasn’t given enough time with them. “How about we call her later and ask if she can come visit? Hmm? Would that be nice?”
They’ve stood and watched Yoongi regress right in front of his mother, and yet she didn’t question it nor stutter in her actions. The trauma left her this need to baby her youngest, and with Yoongi acting as such must have gone right over her head. Or maybe she knows about his Little Space, she is his mother, they seem to always know something.
Yoongi’s cry settles to quiet deep breaths and he nods.
“Wan’ mommy,” Yoongi repeats, albeit more subdued.
It’s this separation anxiety that’s now formed with Yoongi. He was torn away from the two youngest members, dragged to a desolate location, and abused. It was like when Namseon attacked him in his studio. In Yoongi’s mind, every time he’s away from the boys he gets hurt. Sometimes he can’t even nap on his own, but it’s something they’re working on.
Yoongi rests his head against Seokjin’s shoulder and finds his thumb appeasing. He sucks it into his mouth and sighs comfortably through his nose.
“Oh, no. Should I get his pacifier?” Taehyung asks.
“Yeah, do you know where it is?” Seokjin asks.
Taehyung nods and leaves the two boys in the living room. It’s a beautiful day outside, he’ll maybe move colouring to the backyard where Namjoon is reading. Taehyung returns and clips the pacifier to Yoongi’s shirt collar before popping it between his lips. Yoongi suckles appreciatively and lays his head back down, eyelids lowering halfway.
“Let’s go outside, yeah?” Seokjin says to the quiet room.
-
It’s a difficult discussion to have while Yoongi is Little and can’t quite give them the consenting answer they would feel comfortable with. When asked if they could tell his mother about his Little Space, Yoongi nodded and spoke indistinguishable gibberish, meaning he has regressed even further. They need one second to talk to him — not in Little Space. Though, they get it, they really do. It’s how he copes and protects himself from experiencing the pain. However, they’re enabling his behavior that’s quickly becoming denial coupled with avoidant behavior at this point, and if Yoongi doesn’t deal with what happened he won’t be able to properly heal.
“Dis mommy?” Yoongi pokes the phone against Namjoon’s ear, grabbing at it with curious fingers.
There seemed to be no other way to appease his hysterical cries until they finally got his mother on the other line. They must move forward, and if Yoongi is going to act like a child and leave them with all the authority, then they’ll make the decisions for him. Yoongi might not like it later on, but it’s only to help.
“Hold on, baby, not yet,” Namjoon moves Yoongi’s hand away and pulls the the phone out of reach.
His mother hasn’t been answering her cell phone and Yoongi’s growing restless. It’s around the fifth call when the other line finally picks up.
“Namjoon-ah, what’s wrong? Is everything okay?” Is Mrs. Min’s first response.
He knows she isn’t referring to him nor any of the other boys, so he looks to Yoongi, who’s staring back expectantly.
Since returning home, she hasn’t stepped away from the kitchen, putting all her worries to the side and distracting herself with small activities. Ever since health issues arose, she hasn’t been able to maintain her restaurant, but cooking at the house is just as enjoyable.
“I can’t really answer that,” Namjoon can’t say nothing’s wrong, he also can’t say it’s going any better than when she left. They’re in a weird place right now. “Yoongi wanted to call you, he —he’sI, um, here he is.”
Should he have introduced Yoongi’s current Headspace? It doesn’t feel like something that should be spoken of over the phone. Too much confusion that needs to be explained in person. He gives Yoongi the phone, who’s currently sitting on his lap and leaning against his back.
“H-Hi mommy…” Yoongi greets shyly.
“Hi, honey, is everything okay?” Mrs. Min asks, her worry not comforted by Namjoon’s cryptic answer.
“I miss you,” Yoongi’s voice wavers and his mother instantly picks up on it.
“Do you want me to come visit, honey?” Mrs. Min is already taking her apron off, ready to drop everything.
Since letting the restaurant be run under a new owner, she and her husband moved to Seoul to be closer to family. She can be over in a little over thirty minutes.
“Pwease mommy,” Yoongi sniffles. “M-Miss you.”
“Awh, I miss my little prince, too,” Mrs. Min wishes she was already there, hating how her baby sounds so distressed. She never should’ve let him talk her into leaving; a mother knows best. “I’ll tell your father to get ready—”
“No!” Yoongi surprises Namjoon with his sudden outcry, he even startles his own heart and feels more anxious now that it’s beating faster. “Jus’ mommy .”
There’s a brief stunned silence over the phone, but she quickly recovers. She should’ve known not to invite his father, he’s scared of him as it is.
“Okay, honey. It’ll just be mommy. I’ll pack a couple things and leave first thing, will you wait for mommy?” Mrs. Min remembers now, an epiphany after all these years, something Yoongi’s psychiatrist said a long time ago..
“Don’ wanna wait,” Yoongi hiccups, that need for affection to mask the pain coming back full force. Namjoon hugs him close, knowing full well his arms aren’t the ones Yoongi needs. This separation anxiety is starting to extend to family, where it used to be normal homesickness.
“I know, I know,” Mrs. Min coos. “But you have to be a good boy and be strong until I get there, okay? I know you can be very strong and patient. And when I get there, I will give you so many hugs and kisses.”
Yoongi nods, promising to stay strong.
“Your mommy can’t see you nodding, baby, you have to tell her,” Namjoon says quietly over his caramel coloured hair.
“I pwomise mommy,” Yoongi says more confidently than anything else he’s said all week, but the undertone of desperation is still there.
“Okay, honey, mommy has to go bye bye so she can get ready,” It’s natural, her mother instincts making her baby voice come out.
“M’kay,” Yoongi says sadly.
“Bye bye,” Mrs. Min coos. A distant memory of his daycare provider calling her because her sons needed something then Yoongi being too shy to say goodbye. It was faint, but that small voice she hears now just reels her back to her younger life.
“Bye bye,” Yoongi says sadly, but he still hands the phone to Namjoon so he can hang up.
From what he overheard, it sounds like she wasn’t confused by any of Yoongi’s unusual character. That’s good. Really good.
“Thanks, Joon,” Yoongi says, his voice completely normal. He doesn’t want to be Little anymore, he wants his control back but his mind is swirling and tilting so nauseatingly. He’s forced into the corner of his Headspace, where nothing and no one can hurt him. “Wanna pway?”
“Yeah, sure,” It’s only after Yoongi asks does Namjoon realize he was Big again. It was the brief moment of gratification that left Yoongi afraid, his breath shuddering before be regressed once again. It was good though, to know that Yoongi is still in there, and that he’s just afraid to face the world as an adult. Namjoon smiles and hugs him close, closing his eyes before the tears emerge and the anger begins. Breathe.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

2001278:15AMFirst off, I’m sorry I did not get to this sooner and I’m sorry for not replying to any of your messages - though I’ve read them all and I feel bad for not finishing this. That being said, I’m not in the right mind nor have I been for quite some time. I’m going to finish this story though because writing makes me happy. I hope you all have been well and I wish you all positive health.I’m also going to go back into each chapter and clean or clarify things up a bit more so they end up being longer or cleaner.The next chapter will be much longer and it will be going in a different direction, so the chapter before might be changed (it most likely will be changed, just a heads up).I’m sorry for taking so long.Love you.XX

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

They decide it’s better to send a driver to pick up Yoongi’s mother rather than letting her drive in her rushed worried state. Jimin and Hoseok went with the driver to help Mrs. Min with her things and kindly provide their charismatic company. In the small way Yoongi could, he explained how his mother was going to stay over for a night or two. They’re okay with whatever Yoongi needs.
In the back of Yoongi’s mind, he feels this edge itching at him and making him feel anxious. The back of his neck feels tense and pressing against his throat in such a way it makes him nauseous. He grips the couch cushion fiercely, willing himself not to be sick.
“Hey,” Jungkook speaks softly and peers under Yoongi’s fringe to make slight eye contact. “Are you feeling okay?”
Yoongi nods unsurely because he’s not quite certain if he’s in Little Space or not, that must be a no. He’s learned that if he has to question it, he’s not Little. Little him doesn’t think about things like this. His anxiety seems to be pulling him further away from his Little Space shield and it’s only making his panicking feeling more intense. If they find out he’s not regressed, they might ask him adult questions and that isn’t something he can handle right now. He doesn’t want to be here when his mother arrives, not as he is now or as a Little. Why did he do this? They shouldn’t have called her - not that he could blame them. He’s a mess and he’s falling apart more every day. Just because he spends his time as a Little, doesn’t mean his dreams are rainbows and candy. They’re vivid, straight down to the smell, and he wakes up gagging before clinging to whoever decided to sleep with him that night. He refuses to speak about the nightmares, as does he refuse to let it linger passed the brief moment it takes for him to say “No”. And once morning arrives, he’s Little and it’s like the nightmare never happened, something he wishes the real trauma could do too.
Jungkook nods and smooths a ruffled spot in Yoongi’s hair with a bright encouraging smile.

“Wanna take a nap before your mommy gets here?” Jungkook asks. He didn’t get much sleep last night either, so a nap wouldn’t only benefit Yoongi.
“Y-Yeah,” Yoongi mumbles and finally lifts his head to look at Jungkook properly, if not for a split second.

He’s teetering. His brain feels hazy and scrambled with the effort to comprehend what’s going on with himself. Jungkook has picked him up long ago and they’re now in the hallways upstairs, and he curses his new tendency to detach from stressful situations. Yoongi whimpers but chooses not to complain over his minor difficulty in the grand scheme of things, he has a lot more to deal with than a tendency of spacing out - he’s fine.
Jungkook sets him down at the foot of the bed and peels the sheets back. He gesticulates a small nod, indicating that Yoongi can now climb under the heavy blanket. The younger boy then goes to the closet to change into a comfy white t-shirt and sweatpants.
“Comfy?” Jungkook asks as soon as he’s settled against the smaller boy. After receiving a hum, Jungkook exhales his own turmoil and closes his eyes. “Good.”
-
Mrs. Min is welcomed into their freshly cleaned dorm, with Hoseok wheeling her luggage behind him and Jimin carrying her purse with alongside her. It’s only been a few minutes after lunch, and Yoongi is trying his third attempt at taking a nap; he was restless and frustrated after ten minutes laying with Jungkook. Before Mrs. Min’s arrival, the boys discussed what needs to be said when she arrives and who would do the explaining. Yoongi isn’t giving them much of an option here nor will he give any sign that they’re making him uncomfortable, so they treat him exactly the way a child would be; making decisions on his behalf in the hopes that it’s what he wants. While Yoongi’s mind exhausts itself from sorting out what happened to him, he places his trust in the boys. It was a long discussion, and they couldn’t really come up with a determining vote to figure out what the next step would be: to tell or not to. Finally having a sound choice, in order to do what’s best for Yoongi, they think his mother has to know the truth.

“I...I suppose that makes sense,” Mrs. Min says calmly. Jimin hands her a warm cup of tea and settles back down on the chair next to Namjoon. “Thank you, dear.”
“I know it sounds insane, and you must have a ton of questions, but I promise that this is true. We had a difficult time adjusting at first, but it gets easier with time,” Namjoon rings his clammy fingers together under the table.

She seems calm now, but everything can become worse if she ends up rejecting Yoongi; they may not come back from that. This entire conversation is awkward, even more awkward initiating it. They could’ve skipped right over Namjoon’s anxious laughter that Taehyung always mocks him for, if only being a Little was as commonly talked about as being vegan. It isn’t as if it couldn’t raise the same questions - is it safe? Are you okay? How do you do this? Or how do you do that?
“Thank you for taking care of my son,” Mrs. Min sips her white pear tea carefully, her poised lips wrinkling from the days she smiled. “Dr. Byung Soon spoke to me a long, long time ago - when Yoongi was a lot younger. I think it’s been ten years. You know of her?” The boys nod. “Well...I remember a session with only the two of us and she mentioned something I couldn’t quite wrap my head around. She said something about mental headspaces and signs of regression, but I couldn’t listen to her. Yoongi was only 15 then, I thought it was him trying not to grow up, but...his father wanted nothing more than to hear that he was doing fine, so I never brought it up.“I noticed the ‘signs’ Dr. Byung Soon told me about, but I just thought maybe I was seeing them out of hindsight? Now I realize I should’ve been more proactively studying what it all meant. I suppose I never really wanted to know the answer. Then he moved out. Our relationship was already too fragmented to do anything, so I let that information go. After his phone call today, I couldn’t deny it any longer. I should’ve listened all those years ago, maybe we wouldn’t have had such a strained relationship. Maybe his psychiatrist wouldn’t have called us in one morning so Yoongi could tell us he was sui- he was sad.”
They can feel her resentment toward herself, they understand that they aren’t the only ones blaming themselves for what happened. Yoongi really does have so much love, and they will help him out of that darkness.
“I had no idea he’s had his Headspace for this long,” Hoseok gapes at the older woman.
“I can’t be certain he was a, um, ‘Little’ since or before that session, but if that’s the case then I don’t think he’s ever shown me. Maybe he wasn’t comfortable or just didn’t know how to process it. I’m just happy he has you boys, he must really trust you all,” Mrs. Min.
The boys hum and express their appreciation with small smiles.

“Yoongi-ssi,” Seokjin says surprised.
Yoongi stands stiff under the doorway with a guarded countenance. No one is really sure what they should do, even if Mrs. Min is accepting of his Headspace, this is her twenty-six year old son their babying. Namjoon feels as if the already claustrophobic heat from the prospected discussion in the room has risen to an uncomfortable level, but he’s probably the only one who’s noticed since no one else is sweating. Those same hesitant and unsure thoughts from when they first found out, re-emerge. Not even Yoongi, who’s still quietly standing in the doorway, seems to know what to do. There’s a light blush crawling up his neck and to his ears, so they know he’s hating the attention. They weren’t exactly expecting it, but they are very appreciative that Mrs. Min makes the first move.
“There you are,” She smiles warmly and gets up from the couch. Jimin takes the tea cup away and let’s her move passed him. “How’s my precious boy?”
Yoongi ducks his head away and shifts his feet self-consciously, a small shrug accompanying his movements. He could hardly keep it together the last time his family was here, and now she’s being so inviting that it’s making him tremble with the effort not to melt into her arms. He regrets asking his mother to come back, it was a moment of weakness and the separation anxiety got the best of him. It’s either accept his nurturing mother or remain Big and face whatever topics they’d want to pick him over with. He knows exactly what Namjoon, mostly Seokjin, would suggest that he talk so he can heal faster and healthily. He curses at himself and crosses his arms, his mother frowning minutely before covering it with a knowing lift of her lips. He hates it when she pouts like that, as if she knew the answer. What if she thinks he’s completely lost his marbles? He wrings his fingers together before pulling his sleeves down to hide as much of him as possible.

“Can you give mommy a hug, peach?” Mrs. Min steps closer, finally understanding her son all the more after all these years. Her instinct to baby him has always been strong, he is her youngest child after all and will always be her baby boy; seeing him in this new light provides nothing but more reason for her to be the mother he needs right now.
Yoongi feels a tug to his chest, a lightheaded gust wash over him. He hasn’t heard that nickname in years, let alone from his mother for an even longer time. The last time being the start of 3rd grade. She always told him his cheeks were puffy because she ate too many peaches when he was in her tummy. And when he came out, she said he was as soft as a peach, and just as sweet. He’s missed her for too long, been away from home for even longer.

Yoongi doesn’t look at her, eyes cast down to his socked feet, but he nods in a small way because the reason to fight doesn’t seem the same anymore. She feels relieved and walks more confidently up to him and wraps her son in a tight hug. His arms instantly wrap around her waist and he buries his head in her neck. She brushes his nap time hair back with adoration and kisses his ear, saying a gentle, “Always gonna be my sugary peach.”
The rest of the boys smile with relief and disperse from the room to give them privacy.
“Hi, baby,” She greets quietly against his neck, pecking a sweet kiss against the side of his head.
“H-Hi, mommy,” Yoongi still feels shy, but his mother is over the moon to hear anything remotely close to his voice.
-
He’s grateful for his mother being here, and he hopes she knows that despite his inability to outwardly express that. Plus, he didn’t have any nightmares and he babbled as long as he could to Brownies about how his mommy is here. Jimin stood outside the door with a smile hurting his cheeks. He only left to get water and he should’ve really gotten Yoongi to sleep, but he couldn’t interrupt something so sweet and innocent.
Today is the first official day with Mrs. Min, being that she arrived around late evening yesterday, and it’s both nice and unfamiliar having someone older than them here. They usually run around the dorms with hyperactivity, curse freely if something goes wrong, walk in only their boxers or under shirts. And they still could’ve done that if the adult was someone like Sejin, but a woman, as well as being Yoongi’s mother, makes it different. They try to keep things clean as it is, but now things are eve tidier, spotless, and their behavior on its best. They haven’t lived with their own parents since the start of their rookie days, but if Yoongi doesn’t mind then they won’t either.
She’ll only be staying until Thursday morning, the day after tomorrow. She has to return home to care for her husband, they understand — at least the mentally older ones do. Even if he isn’t regressed as young as he’s been going, Yoongi still can’t grasp an understanding as to why she needs to leave, and no amount of explaining makes it easier.

“He can come home with me for a little while?” Mrs. Min suggests, sounding a little unsure of herself. How would her husband handle this?
“Oh,” Namjoon says, taken off guard.
They all subtly glance at each other, and it seems no one feels right with Yoongi leaving. Perhaps they also have developed separation anxiety, all being involved in the trauma in some way.
“That’d be good,” Seokjin answers before Namjoon can formulate a reason to deny her. He can see it in their leader’s eyes, how he’s struggling with letting Yoongi go, but this is his mother and if she wants her child home then they have no right to stop her.
Namjoon looks to Seokjin sharply, a look of betrayal crossing his features briefly.
“Um, yeah, that would probably be good for him,” Namjoon relents.
Mrs. Min smiles softly, observing the boys like her own children, and seeing how they give themselves away like her own, too. They don’t sound the least bit convincing. Yoongi trusted them enough to share this part of him, he has never felt comfortable enough to do that at home. It hurts, but it’s the truth.
“You know what?” Mrs. Min pretends to have forgotten something. “I don’t think I’d be able to properly take care of Yoongi while I’m also caring for my husband. And with Yoongi needing more care right now, I think it would be best if he has six caretakers rather than a divided effort from one.”
She couldn’t take her son away from these boys, not when they all went through the ordeal together. They need to heal together. Besides, her husband would only agitate the situation, not that he’d mean to, he just doesn’t know how to handle news such as this. Then again, do any of them really know what to do next? They say Yoongi is doing okay, but is he really?

He won’t talk to them outside of his Headspace, he hardly goes a second without being Little. All in all, maybe Yoongi is nowhere near remotely capable of being okay. He isn’t even capable of taking care of himself. He relies heavily on the boys to help him with all his daily needs. He’s potty trained, which they are thankful for — however, he has to let everyone know he’s going to the restroom. In his own little way, it’s him asking for someone to come with him, and someone does. It’s mostly Taehyung who sits against the hall opposite the door, occasionally hearing a soft “Are you still there?” from the other side. It breaks his heart every time, to think Yoongi would believe Taehyung would leave.

Yoongi’s mother is here now, though, and she’s used to taking care of Yoongi and has no hesitation in regard to any of his needs. She would be lying if she said it didn’t bother her watching Yoongi go to any of the boys and ask them for help when his mother is right there. But that’s okay, because she’s there simply because Yoongi asked her to be. He’s getting more comfortable around her now that he sees how lovely her company has been so far. If she finds that she needs to take a nap, Yoongi would follow without a word and cuddle with her. She cooed and called him ‘Cuddle Bear’ something he hadn’t heard since he turned nine, and he absolutely fell so deep, safe in her embrace. He told her small stories about going in the backyard with Taehyung and finding bugs; he grew even more excited and talked about finger painting with Jimin and Jungkook. She let him speak until his eyes blinked heavy and he no longer felt the energy to move his lips. She smiled fondly and kissed his forehead. She sang a soft lullaby and stroked her fingers through his hair. He healed with each moment of love and connection.
-
Her being here is good, perfect timing actually. The company called them asking if they could come in, asking usually implied that they must, so they said yes. It’s nothing to do with public appearances, it’s actually about how Yoongi is doing. They asked for clarification on why they attempted to blackmail Yoongi the way that they did. Nothing, in particular, made any sense. They were allowed to watch the tape Namseon started, not even wanting to see what Supreme Boi did. Being told what happened had been too much in itself. But what Namseon was talking about concerned their staff — relationships were something they all needed to discuss, and if this got out it could tarnish a huge part of their image. No matter how much the boys assured and re assured they weren’t dating each other, they still needed to come down and explain in person. Yoongi didn’t want to go anywhere near the building, and they’re glad their staff were relenting enough to let him stay home.
That leaves Yoongi alone with his mother. He hasn’t been alone with her ever, really. From his brother’s visits back home from university, him going to school and coming home to both parents, and his job taking up his remaining hours, he doesn’t remember a time they spent alone.

It should’ve been simply, how Yoongi wanted it to be. He wasn’t expecting to wake up from a nap alone when his mother promised to be there, unless...
“Mommy!” Yoongi cries. “Mommy!”
What if someone took her? She could be hurt. She might be-
His mother startles when he runs into the room. She quickly wipes her cheeks and sends him a smile that takes too long to reach her eyes.

“You startled me, baby,” She quietly laughs. “Are you alright?”
Yoongi nods, his eyebrows creasing in worry. Who hurt mommy?
“Okay?” Yoongi asks, pointing to her face.
He walks over to her and takes a seat on the couch. She turns away and dries the remaining tears on a tissue gripped tightly in her hand.
“I’m fine, don’t worry about these,” She gestures to her eyes. “They always break when I watch dramas.”
“Broked? Mommy eye got brokened?” Yoongi peeks closer and tries to find the damage. Then another thought occurs to him: the TV isn’t on.

This does something weird to his headspace. He almost flinches and sits back and away from his mother. He doesn’t want to be Little right now, how could he with so many burning concerns bubbling in his mind. His mother doesn’t need another distraction, not a child to deal with, she needs her son. Yoongi’s heart races but he breathes through it when another sniffle comes from his mother.
“M-Mom…” Yoongi takes a deep breath and stills the demons in his mind. “Mom, why are you crying?”
Mrs. Min looks up, instantly recognizing that her son is no longer in his mental headspace. This only makes her tears return but she smiles brightly.
Yoongi doesn’t know what to do, so he wraps an arm over her and pulls her head down onto his shoulder. He leans his head on hers and brushes her hair back.
“Who hurt you?” Yoongi tries to hold back his anger.
“No one, baby, no one,” Mrs. Min blows her nose and sighs through a chuckle. “I was thinking selfishly.”
“Mom-” Yoongi tries to defend her but he’s cut off.
“I missed you,” She says.
“I was in the other room,” Yoongi rubs his thumb on her shoulder.
“I meant that I missed you , Yoongi. I missed you so much,” Mrs. Min has trouble speaking the rest, her emotions welling up again.
She pulls herself closer to her son and weeps in his chest. At first, Yoongi doesn’t quite understand, then he feels like an idiot when he does. She misses his being Big. He wraps his arms around her and rocks them side to side. He feels tears prick at his eyes but he blinks them away and shushes his mother instead.

“I’m sorry, I-” Yoongi stops himself, not really sure what to say. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“Stop it, Yoongi,” She responds fiercely, holding her son tighter. “Don’t say that to me. I am so sorry these things happened to you, I am so, so sorry, peach. I want to make it better, but I don’t know how.”
Yoongi wishes he could regress, wishes he didn’t have to face this, but his pain isn’t his own. He shushes his mother once more and takes her out of his hold.

“Mom, please look at me,” Yoongi feels his heart racing again, but he isn’t sure he can calm it this time. “You have to believe me when I say it wasn’t your fault, none of it. I know you...I know you hate the way things happened before I moved out, but I-,” Yoongi sucks in a sharp breath and finds his courage. “I wouldn’t be the person I am today w-without you, okay? I wouldn’t be here-”
“Exactly!” Mrs. Min cries. “You wouldn’t be here , baby.”
She doesn’t say or explain much, but Yoongi understands entirely. He wouldn’t have gotten hurt like he did and he doesn’t blame her for thinking that.
“But...Mom, if-” Yoongi sighs, not sure what he’s trying to say. “If I didn’t leave when I did, I would’ve left you, and dad, and everyone eventually. I wouldn’t be anywhere, mom, do you understand? I can’t- I can’t say it, but you should know what I’m trying to say, okay? I was hurting a lot back then...and I needed you to hurt me more.”
“I’m so sorry,” Mrs. Min looks away but Yoongi brings her face back with his hands around her head. They lock eyes.
“But I never stopped loving you. Even when I said I hated you, I didn’t, mom. I could never, even when I tried because I was too stubborn to see how much you cared about me and wanted me to make the right choices. I missed you everyday. And I knew you loved me, even when you were being a meanie,” Yoongi tries to make his mom smile and mentally cheers when she does.

“What happened to me,” Yoongi looks away and lets go of his mother. “It will always be a part of me and I don’t know when, or if, I’ll get better so I can’t promise you anything. I just need,” He huffs out a breath close to a sob. “I need you to keep loving me. Because, I can’t- I can’t do this a-alone, mommy.”
Mrs. Min pulls him into a hug, head on her shoulder, where he cries like the ocean was rolling back all this time and the tsunami is finally here.

“I will never leave you alone, Yoongi. I will always, always, always be here for you,” She whispers in his ear, her own tears running silently down her face. “You no longer have to hide, I will love you as you are, my sweetest little peach.”
Yoongi’s entire body trembles with his tears but it feels liberating. He should be regressed, especially with his mother’s comfort, but the need or pull isn’t there. He can’t feel it beneath his skin, nor the anxiety that comes when he tries to fight back. His mind has never felt such clarity in God knows how long. Through the years he’s wanted this closeness with his mother, his friends, himself , and having it feels so fucking beautiful. To have what happened to him happen, it used to hurt every second his mind drifted to it, but now it actually does feel possible to get better, even if it’s just a little better.

He’s no longer crying, tears long dried up, and the usual ache and lethargy that used to come with those tears isn’t there. He feels so calm and floaty, swaying in his mother’s arms.
“I love you,” And the ache isn’t there either, because he knows that when he says it this time, his mother will love him for all he is and not who he hides behind.

“I love you more,” Mrs. Min says, and Yoongi smiles.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

If there are words to describe the presence of contentment, he knows them not. For the pieces he dropped, he can’t begin to think of reaching for them, or maybe that thought stems from his lack of wanting for them to come back anymore; not like when he once cried brokenly at night in longing for the days he remained hidden and alone. He’d never tell the boys how he’d sneak away from their spooning grasps so that he may wallow in his own self pity in the cold porcelain tub of the bathroom downstairs. He didn’t want to let them hear how brokenly he begged God to silence his mind forever, to ignore how his heart clawed against his chest in a hastened search for repression, for a reprieve, for anything at all and everything at once. He’d let his clammy, and spit slickened, fisted fingers press against his chapped, trembling lips, those sweating and whispering lips, and he’d hold tight to himself until he swore his fingers would sink into the grooves of his knuckles, and pray. The almost humid skin of his hands felt irritated by the flaking skin of his plump bottom lip as hurried whispers, pleads, were made, but he paid it little mind.

He prayed for the hate in the world to stop, he’d beg for the pain to end because he couldn’t stand the thought of another person submitting to the same torture as he did, and he’d look past the ceiling with a single sunken in light fixture and ask to be forgiven because he must’ve sinned if he was punished in the way no person should be. He isn’t a heavily religious guy, he doesn’t talk about it nor does he let anyone know his stance on the side of the line, but if there were someone up there to end the pain then why not try? Taehyung prays, he prays with confidence. That confidence has to be directed or reassured by

something

, and that something has to be worth trying for; Yoongi would give anything to get by. So he holds tighter to himself and ignores the muscles that ache, the tears that burn hot and drip sore, ignore the shaking of his entire body, ignore the darkness surrounding him,

watching him

.

He would, after, splash cold water on his face, slip back under the covers, let the other occupant’s heavy limbs pull him closer, and wake saying he slept fine, or at least that’s what he wanted to say before his Headspace would hijack him again, leaving him to deal with the guilt all over and through the night.

No, he doesn’t want those pieces back. Those fragmented shards of his past are exactly that: his past. What would be the use in taking back poisoned and false assumptions, piled on top of drones of denial that he will be the same person he used to be? He would spend the rest of his days convincing people that he is what he was, how it’s possible to go through trauma and come out as you once were. He would go so far as to convince himself.

No, he doesn’t want them back, or the potential damage it can further cause. What he wants can’t come back, but he isn’t heartbroken over it. It’s bittersweet, it stings, it aches numbly, and he cries only sometimes - but he refuses to pick up those pieces. He only cries sometimes, after all.

He is, despite being broken, complete.

His secrets are bare, his eyes exposed, and words promising. He’s lived with secrets before, he’s slept with lies on his chest that hung from his neck like a noose. If he regains what they took, he would be handed those same habits once again.

What he wants, truly and uninhibited, is

this

very moment right here. As he looks around, all he can see are the smiling faces of his best friends, his caretakers, his brothers. He has his mother.

He has his mother. She sees him and he still has his mother.

His father will remain in an awkwardly, yet comfortable, distance that remains a bit further than arm's length, but maybe one day he will be able to tell his father that he loves him, and his father will love him completely. His brother will always have his trust, simply because he can do nothing

but

that. Maybe deep down, he knew his brother understood what was hidden beneath his baby brother’s facade. His mother asked if Geum Jae knew, and Yoongi said he never brought it up. Despite that being the case, he had his suspicions that his brother knew more than he cares to express, and Yoongi is fine with that. His brother never needed to know what Yoongi wanted to say but couldn’t, he just

knew

. From the bridge to swimming not too long ago, his brother knew what to say, to do, to act, without asking why.

Yoongi smiles. The life in that smile still needs watering, loving, and growing, but the seed has rooted and proves stronger than before. Yoongi smiles.

“Baby.”

Yoongi breathes softly and turns his attention to the sweetly calling voice. His bottom lip pushes forward slightly, the presence of his mother always making him want to be smaller.

“Mommy,” Yoongi tries to mimic the way she spoke and beams when she smiles.

“You need to take a break away from your bugs and come eat,” Mrs. Min gently coaxes.

This would mark the first time Yoongi is in the backyard by himself, and everyone is so very proud. Not that they haven’t been watching him the entire time through the backyard windows, but proud no less. The glass door is rolled back so the mesh screen can allow them to hear any cries for them, or if they need him. Yoongi hasn’t made much noise, enjoying the quiet play with himself and whatever intriguing object he deems usable.

“Don’t you want to come eat?” Mrs. Min prods again.

“I’m making a funeral,” Yoongi explains.

“Oh,” Mrs. Min is surprised by that statement and takes a closer look at what her son is doing.

He’s had his back to the glass doors for the past forty minutes, butt planted on the ground, toilet paper roll beside him, musing about in the bushes nearest the wall. Now she sees that he’s currently ripping up strips of the toilet paper and gingerly wrapping them around the small beetles. Her eyes widen a fraction when she realizes the plethora of upturned rocks in front of them. She isn’t sure how biodegradable the toilet paper is, but she knows the dirt is moist and it’s a nice rainy season - still, she’d rather not have Yoongi burying the entire roll in the plants.

“I see,” She continues. “How do you know that they’re dead?”

“Look!” Yoongi places a beetle on a ripped tissue and holds it up to his mother to see. “His legs got all curled up from the sprinker system so he couldn’t swim and got drowndeded. I’m making mummies.”

“I see,” She says again. She shouldn’t laugh, but the restraint was difficult. “Well, I’m happy you’re having fun, peach. Can the doctor take a break for lunch?”

“’m not a doctor, mommy!” Yoongi pouts. He puts a beetle into a tiny hole before being covered up with dirty and diligent fingers. “I’m a archologist. Doctors don’t make mummies!”

She wanted to correct him that archeologists don’t exactly make the mummies, either, but she lets it be.

“Oops, my bad. Mr. Archeologist then, come have some lunch before I gobble up everything without you,” Mrs. Min lightly threatens.

“No, I didn’t have any,” Yoongi gets up and brushes his dirty hands against his shorts in a way that makes his mother both smile

and

cringe.

They start towards the glass doors and Mrs. Min notices even more dried up mud on the back of his shorts.

“After lunch you’re having a bath,” Mrs. Min comments, love tapping his butt as they walk inside.

-

He doesn’t necessarily want her to leave, but it

will

make playing in mud easier, and daddy needs her in his grandpa age. Yoongi nods to himself for his smart grownup decision. He helps pack her things, too, folding her blouses with extra care.

It would’ve been hard saying goodbye a few days ago, but he knows that she isn’t really leaving and he has nothing to be sad about.

“Share some of your stories with me sometimes, alright honey,” Mrs. Min doesn’t make it a question, nor does Yoongi hesitate to nod agreeingly.

After she left, alone this time with her insistence that she’ll be okay and call when she gets home, the boys stand at the entrance awkwardly.

They heard about Yoongi being Big when they were at their agency, but experiencing it for themselves has yet to transpire. It’s odd, how in the beginning they were nervous and unsure of how to care for a Little, now they’re back to being nervous and unsure - this time to speak with Big Yoongi. How far is too far? How much is too much? How do they get Yoongi to trust them?

Namjoon is the first to make a move and startles the boys with a loud clap of his hands. He rubs them together and waits for everyone to turn to him.

“Do you guys want to relax for the rest of the evening? Maybe watch a movie?” Namjoon asks.

“You had to scare us to ask that?” Hoseok asks, still clutching his chest. “I feel like my soul drifted away.”

Jimin laughs at this, the sound making everyone loosen up. He grabs onto Hoseok’s shoulder, hand slipping down his arm as he folds over in laughter.

“Seriously! I felt it leave!” Hoseok defends, making Jimin double over once more before throwing his head back in more fits of laughter. “Of course I’ll need to relax for the rest of the evening.”

Jimin wipes at his eyes and nods in agreement, still breathing out the remnants of giggles, which erupts a sudden smile in Yoongi. When Jimin awoke in the hospital, he didn’t care about how he took a long time to wake up or the implications of his injuries, he only wanted to make sure everyone else was okay. Jimin will always love openly, while criticizing himself in silence. Yoongi wants to cuddle him, making a movie night a perfect ending to a better day. After a few other conformations following behind, they go to the living room and plop down on the couches there. Looking around, he can already tell Jungkook is going to fall asleep before the first scene is finished, Taehyung will follow after the second scene - the two of them sprawled over one another - then the rest will watch in silence.

As Hoseok scrolls through the list, reading out title suggestions, Namjoon decides to take a step into unknown waters.

“Our company wants to speak with you, Yoongi,” Namjoon gently says, voice soft and casual, Hoseok stopping his own voice to hear the conversation. “It’s been a little while since they’ve seen you, too, they miss you.”

“I know,” Yoongi sighs. He isn’t scared this time, thinking about going back, because he knows the building isn’t what hurt him and that the ones responsible are gone. He still feels guilty, or maybe saddened, to hear about the sentences his attackers received, but at least they won’t be hurting anyone else.

“If you don’t want to, we won’t make you go,” Jimin is quick to assure, which brings a soft smile to Yoongi’s lips.

“Thanks, Jiminie, but I should go. I can’t keep dodging everything that makes me uncomfortable,” Yoongi confesses.

“I’m glad,” Jungkook begins before stopping short, struggling with what to say. “That you’re smiling.”

It’s not really what the maknae wanted to say, the truth being far more vulnerable for his emotional stability at the moment, but Yoongi understands and he tries not to smile despite himself. He blinks the possibility of tears away and hums in response. He knows Jungkook loves him dearly, he also knows the kid doesn’t cry for himself but knows he cried for Yoongi nightly. He sometimes wonders if Jungkook ever heard him late at night in the bathrooms. They look at each other for a moment, almost as to say, “I know you’ll find your peace.” Yoongi smiles without hiding it this time, and Jungkook turns away. Perhaps, Jungkook wasn’t the only one listening.

“What movie should we watch?” Yoongi asks.

“There’s this one…” Hoseok suggests.

Yeah, all he needs are the moments right now, right here, with them.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“Ready?”

He feels odd. His tongue runs against the backs of his teeth before he swallows thickly. Why are his fingers trembling? Why does the breeze irritate him with its usually forgivable chill? He can’t stop looking up at their label’s building, his neck cramping from the angle and his refusal to relax. The sidewalk is quiet or maybe it’s the feeling of spacing out and drifting away. Breathe, that’s the first step- the

prestep

to his first step, honestly. He has no reason to fear anyone in that building, no one he’s aware of, and from what he’s heard they’ve cracked down even more on their background checks to join their company. Despite claiming he was fine to come here,

actually

being here brings back blurry images, sickening memories, feelings, everything he thought he sorted out is rushing back faster than he has time to process.

He flinches away and to his left, bringing his right hand up and away. He looks to the cause of his reaction and sees it’s only Seokjin, his hyung. He rights himself and turns away sheepishly. He feels the hesitation of the warm hand reach his, once again, and stills himself from flinching back. It’s his hyung.

“Ready?” Seokjin asks again not at all bothered or deterred by the harsh reaction.

“Y-Yeah,” His voice comes out in a rough whisper and he clears his throat to try to sound more convincing. “Let’s go.”

-

First, the air was hot, overbearing, overwhelming, and surrounded him with his insecurities and failures. Everyone in the room was looking at him, wanting answers he didn’t know how to provide without sounding like an idiot. For a moment he forgot these people have been a second family to him, people who have seen him in more vulnerable situations than his real family. He saw them as people who have no reason to stay, who have no strings attached and could walk out of his life like they never knew him.

Then Taehyung held his hand under the table and he was reminded of the strength the younger boy held and gave freely without question to those around him. He didn't care if they were strangers, either, he just gave everyone the same kind of respect and loyalty until they’ve proven to him they deserve otherwise. Here he was, giving strength to Yoongi all with a touch of his hand.

It was one of these past nights that he heard the younger man, for the first time in all their years of knowing each other, he heard what he was praying for.

During the middle of the night when he was walking back from the bathroom, not to cry this time, he had found Taehyung’s bedroom door left slightly ajar. At first, he was going to keep walking until he heard a voice and grew more curious. He wanted to know why the younger was awake at this hour and if he might be able to provide solace to the younger, or cuddle at the very least. When he listened, his body hidden in the shadow and ear against the door, it made his heart ache, and he wasn’t sure if it was out of pain or the fierceness of those hushed words.

“I know things happen...in...in ways we can’t explain sometimes, but-” Taehyung sighs, not opening his eyes as he hangs his head before bringing it forward again. “I wish I could at least know a reason for this

one

time, that way I could help. If I can’t know then...please just make us stronger. Keep us together always. Help me find a way to show everyone the love they deserve.”

Then the air wasn’t stifling anymore, his members and staff weren’t a thousand miles out, and he was no longer walking a tightrope alone over an endless dark well.

As he spoke, he realized maybe not all of them truly understand what he’s saying, maybe some never will, and maybe some are not at all comfortable with it - but neither was Namjoon, who took so long coming around to understanding and acceptance. He would catch someone’s eyes every now and then and see how they held nothing but confusion, other’s even more so. However, telling everyone about his kept secret was probably the last piece he needed to feel alive again, human again. Taehyung stepped up and defended any questions that might’ve seemed a little too harsh, with Namjoon right there to diplomatically settle the fire and explain in ways that seemed final.

And they were. Final.

“You either accept it or you don’t,” Namjoon says. “Either way, it is what it is and it’s already been done. If you don’t approve of this, please let us know so we can respect your boundaries too. We aren’t forcing this on anyone and we aren’t trying to be enemies, or freaks, or any of that, we are only asking that you love us as we are and for who we are; like you’ve always done in the past.”

Us. Yoongi snaps his shocked eyes at Namjoon as he finishes his ending comment.

Us.

Before it was a Yoongi ordeal, but now it’s an everyone package and Yoongi can’t believe how blessed he truly is to have these boys beside him.

“Us,” Yoongi whispers only loud enough to hear it for himself. He smiles brightly and turns to Namjoon.

-

Admittedly, some of the newer staff had walked out after that conference, but their original staff stayed and accepted the news as best they were able to. Admittedly again, seeing staff leave because of what Yoongi is, was more than disgruntling and unsettling, but Namjoon said it’s for the best and it only leaves room for the people he can trust.

Bang PD said it was 100% okay, that he’ll do anything and everything in his power to protect their secret and emotionally support them.

“No matter what, I’ve always seen you boys as little kids, this doesn’t change anything,” He laughs as a friend and other staff members join. “If this helps you be happy, how could I say no? Just no running in the halls and try to stay out of the public, okay? We don’t need any more people taking advantage of this and trying to pull something. I’m truly sorry for what happened and I wish I would’ve been more insightful or paid more attention, I hope all of us who stayed can help you. We’ll always be a family, afterall.”

1 Year Later…

“Ah, how cute~” Yoongi’s stylist noona squeeks.

“Hurry take a picture!” Hoseok’s noona tells the other.

It’s probably the fifth time they’ve played with his hair and squealed in delight like this. They treat him so sweetly that it makes him regress almost as soon as one of them softly pinches his cheek or offers a soft hug and kiss on his temple. Even after one year, it seems the cuteness factor just doesn’t fade. There have been instances when Yoongi regressed in public or on stage, and the boys played it off smoothly as aegyo and Yoongi’s new love for it. The fans absolutely ate that shit up and encouraged him all the time now. The staff coo and baby him to endless measures, gushing about his cuteness and fussing over his comment about gaining muscles.

“No~ leave that for Kookie,” Yoongi’s noona whines. “We’d have to find new outfits for you.”

He didn’t believe that was her reasoning, but he was too far into his Headspace that he would agree to anything his noona cooed at him. It only got funny for the boys with Yoongi coming in, an indifferent expression as he sips his iced Americano, and whining outright about his stage outfits being so colourful these days.

“Yah, yah! Why have I been getting the hair that takes longer

and

these outfits? Everyone’s done by the time I’m finally getting into makeup. I have to look cool on stage, not walk out wearing a swaddle. Noona~ Who’s responsible for punishing me this way?”

The boys would laugh and tease him, hold up his outfits that make him look smaller and softer. His noona’s would joke and come out with his real outfit, all black or full of swagger. They know Yoongi jokes, and he knows they joke. It’s almost a game at this point in their lives, something that’s become so natural they no longer think about it as Yoongi going into his “Headspace” or being “Little”. They go about their days as usual, just sometimes Yoongi wants more attention or is behaving rather goofy and that’s okay. And maybe more times than anything he’ll pout and whine, but they know he only wants to go home because he’s tired. Because of their new way of life, they’ve all become more honest with each other and as a result, become better at communicating stress and struggles.

Going on stage and singing and rapping songs that helped him heal is it’s own hell entirely. He’s relieving certain parts of his trauma and he’s glad his fans respect his decision not to perform particular songs. He tries not to get choked up or emotional for his fans, but they have no idea how strong they’ve made him. Days get better, shows get easier, and songs no longer hurt but show him how far he’s come. He still has days when he thinks he should feel guilty about being the way he is, living the way he does, but Jimin’s smile, his laugh, reminds him of why he deserves to be happy too. It’s okay to be hurt, it’s okay to suffer, and it’s okay to not want to get better. It’s also okay to learn to love yourself and all the scars that once looked like sins, it’s okay to want to get better and to feel like you deserve it, it’s okay to smile, and it’s okay to question if that smile is real this time. He’ll have up days and he’ll have down days. He’ll have days when he handles some of those down days alone, he’ll have days when he isn’t alone too. When he looks back on what happened, he no longer sees it as what happened to himself, but to a version of who he was and no longer will be. He’s different today, and he wouldn’t change how it happened, why it happened, or what happened - he doesn’t want to change the person it made him into today.

Other days, he’ll wak by

that

room. After he returned to the company building, they finished the expansion and the cautioned off room was turned into a supply closet for the custodians. The halls look different, cleaner, brighter - until he passes

that

room and everything gets hot, blurred around the edges, and he stops breathing. Even if he doesn’t look and they pass the hallway, his heart rate accelerates and stomach drops like he plunged down the tallest roller coaster. If that feeling will ever go away, he isn’t sure, but just like everything it takes time and he’ll try to give it that much. They all know, the boys and the company, what

that

room does to him and they detour and avoid those awful memories as much as possible. He doesn’t find it bothersome that he gets these reactions, maybe he dissociates from them and that’s why, or maybe he knows the memories can’t hurt him and he’ll eventually be able to walk every hall as comfortably as he does when he's at home.

On the days they perform, he believes he’s living life’s high and he wants to test those borderlines, see how far high he can go. He has those thoughts on his good days, other times they’ll end a performance and he’ll end up in a fit of silent tears begging the staff if he can go home. Sometimes they can’t do fan meets, because they can’t have a member missing. It’s all or it’s none. Their fans have been so incredibly sweet and understanding, and it really helps with the healing process more. They promise to reschedule the meet and greet once everyone is better, and the fans show their understanding with more trending twitter hashtags about health being first and get well love messages.

As for the fans, well, he’s no longer fearful that they secretly hate him or want him to leave the group because he’s making them weaker or slowing them down. He’s come to realize that the people who

do

want him to leave, aren’t fans at all. A fan would support them as a whole, and appreciate how they encourage the other in their group and respect that they want their fans to love them all. So no,

his

fans, they don’t say that they want him to leave. Instead, they tell him to go home and rest and spend more time for himself, for healing. They often get angry, but in a caring and parental way, and ask him why he came out even if he isn’t feeling well. He smiles fondly at moments like those, then he’ll ploy coy and pretend he’s invincible. And sometimes he’d really rather take their advice and remain hidden in his room or in the dorm all day, but he’s learned being around his fans provides him an unrelenting amount of happiness and a sense of belonging. And so he deals with those playfully angry fans and pouty comments about his health, because he truly can’t get away from the unconditional love they share. He’s expressed this simply, tweeting:

ARMY!!! I’m stealing all of you.