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Another day, another battle. Why was getting up so hard to do? Why was getting out of bed such an insurmountable task? Sans sighed heavily as he rolled over in bed, his covers pulled tightly around his body, shielding him from the afternoon light that poured into his window. It was past noon, and he had yet to get out of bed. Another morning wasted. Opportunities gone. The thought caused Sans to swallow a lump that was forming in his non-existent throat. He shouldn’t be this lazy. He shouldn’t be this inactive. There was no reason for it. Monsters were free. Everyone was on the surface. The kid promised to never reset again and 2 years had gone by with Frisk keeping their promise. So why? Why couldn’t Sans be happy? Sans’ fist tightened with anger. He had no one to be angry at but himself. Everything was better, so why wasn’t he? What was wrong with him? Sans didn’t get a chance to get lost in his thoughts for long before a surprisingly gentle knock came from his door. “SANS? ARE YOU UP?” Papyrus’ normal loud voice bellowed, but there was no anger behind the volume. Just normal Papyrus with his inability to control his indoor voice. “yeah…” Sans responded, half his face covered by his pillow. “THE OTHERS WILL BE HERE SOON.” Papyrus reminded his brother, gently. Sans mentally smacked himself. That’s right, he forgot, today they were hosting a house party and all the other versions of themselves were coming to hang out. That was today. And he didn’t get up to help his brother clean, or prepare at all. Instead he stayed in bed… all day. “ARE YOU STILL FEELING UP TO THE PARTY? WE CAN CANCEL IF NOT.” Papyrus offered, still talking through the door. Hearing Papyrus offer to cancel the party only made the knot in Sans’ throat bigger. Sans swallowed back tears that threatened to collect at the corners of his sockets while he buried his skull in his pillow in defiance. He refused to cry out of sheer will power. Sans hated himself. He hated that he forgot today was the party. He hated that he didn’t get out of bed and help his brother clean the house in preparation. He hated that his brother even offered to cancel the party, knowing how excited he had been for this party to happen for weeks. He hated himself, so much. “nah bro. i’ll be up in a sec, don’t worry.” Sans hoped his voice didn’t sound as cracked to his brother as it did to him, his emotions choked back as to not alarm Papyrus and tip him off to his real feelings. Sans waited to hear Papyrus’ footsteps leave his door before he finally let go and cried into his pillow, the plush material muting his angry whispers and sniffles. He’d let himself break down for a few moments, then it was game on and mask up. He couldn’t ruin Papyrus’ day with his emotional outbursts. It wasn’t fair to his brother. After a few minutes, Sans emerged from his room in his normal red t-shirt and black basketball shorts. His spiked, red collar jingled with each step he took down the stairs. Sans knew there was no reason to wear the collar anymore. They were no longer trapped underground where it was kill or be killed. Sans no longer had to hide behind his brother’s status as second in command of the Royal Guard to keep potential threats away. But he still wore the collar. Mostly out of respect and familiarity. Sans was eternally grateful towards his brother. Sans may have raised Papyrus, but towards their last years underground it was Papyrus who took care of Sans. All secrets were revealed once the barrier broke. Papyrus no longer pretended to treat Sans like crap in public to uphold a vicious and merciless image, and Sans no longer lied about the resets and what really happened when the human kid wasn’t so merciful in their runs through the underground. With all secrets gone, Sans’ relationship with his brother improved drastically. Sans was even able to admit his feelings towards his baby brother, and was surprised to find Papyrus had been harboring the same feelings towards Sans as well. Their relationship came easy. Being with Papyrus was as normal as breathing for Sans. Both Sans and Papyrus didn’t care to hide their relationship. Sure the humans gave them weird looks, but after living in the harsh underground for so long, weird looks were nothing to sweat over. And now that monsters were free, there were no more murders, or kidnappings. No one used loved ones as targets, or bait. Monsters were free to show weakness. They were free to love. Sans paused once he reached the archway to their kitchen, watching Papyrus cook quietly, being sure not to disturb him. He silently watched Papyrus go about his business, his eye lights honed on the love of his life. There were moments where Sans wondered if Papyrus would ever stop loving him. Papyrus did so much for him. He cooked, cleaned, took care of Sans. Took care of everything really. And what did Sans do? Nothing. He had yet to even get a job. He didn’t help. He was useless. Sans couldn’t understand for the life of him why Papyrus put up with him. Was it because they were brothers? Did Papyrus ever regret forming a relationship with him? Did Papyrus just stay with him because breaking up would just be too awkward given their family relations? That damn knot began to burn in the middle of Sans’ throat again, threatening to pull more tears to his sockets. Sans was quick to clear his throat and blink back the tears. He told himself, no more breakdowns. Mask up damn it! “SANS?” Papyrus turned to spot his brother standing at the entry way. The quiet coughs of Sans clearing his throat gave away his presence. “oh hey paps. heh, what’s cookin good lookin?” Sans winked before walking over to Papyrus’ side, inspecting the plethora of food being prepared for their guests. It was strange how so many versions of themselves liked different foods. One would think all the Sans’ and Papyrus’ would like the same thing since they were essentially the same person. Papyrus eyed Sans quietly. His brother was blinking a lot and his hands were stuffed stiffly in his pockets. It was a defensive stance. One Papyrus was well acquainted with from years of being on guard in the underground. Sans only made that stance now a days when he was trying to hide something, or hold something back. The sight made Papyrus frown, but he was quick to wipe it away and turn back to his cooking. “I AM COOKING MANY THINGS. IT IS ONLY PROPER THAT A GOOD HOST FEED THEIR GUESTS THE FINEST OF CUISINES.” Papyrus preened. “well it all looks amazin. bet it’ll taste great, your cooking always does.” Sans complimented, smiling at the way his brother’s face lit up. Stars he loved it when Papyrus lit up. Nothing was better than seeing his brother happy. “WELL OF COURSE MY COOKING IS ALWAYS DELICIOUS! I AM THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS AFTER ALL! NYEH HEH HEH!” “the greatest, bro.” Sans chuckled, always happy to stroke his baby brother’s ego. “say, you need any help with anything else before the others get here?” Sans asked nervously. He was hoping his brother would say yes. He didn’t want to feel like a complete waste of useless space. Papyrus pondered for a while. He took a good, long look at his brother, noting the darker than usual rings under his eyes. They were a little red too, and not from the eyeliner they used to use back in the underground to make themselves look more menacing. Sans had been crying. Probably all night. Papyrus wanted to tell his brother no. He wanted to order Sans to sit down and rest before their guests arrived, but he knew what his brother wanted to hear. No, what he needed to hear. “OF COURSE. TAKE THE FINGER FOOD AND SET THEM OUT IN THE LIVING ROOM. AND BE SURE TO PLACE DOWN EXTRA COASTERS! STARS KNOWS HOW DISGUSTING SOME OF MY OTHER SELVES ARE!” Papyrus glared at the thought knowing that his house would soon have condensation rings staining his furniture along with an abundance of cigarette stench. It disgusted him to know that there were versions of himself that were so sloppy. Sure Papyrus knew there were Sans’ out there that were also slobs, but Papyrus wanted to make sure that Sans wouldn’t think his comment was inadvertently about him. So he made sure to only comment on the other Papyrus’. Sans gave a small, grateful smile before leaving the kitchen to accomplish his task. Papyrus smiled softly to himself at seeing Sans’ mood brighten, even if it was only marginally. While it was a common trait for some Sans’ and Papyrus’ to seem lazy and dirty, his brother was not one of those Sans’ that fit that particular mold. His brother was actually a very clean monster. Papyrus simply knew that Sans’ depression often times made cleaning an impossible task. He knew that Sans would often become upset with himself when his depression affected his everyday activities. He would become frustrated with his exhaustion, thus making him more depressed, then more exhausted. It was a vicious cycle. Sans’ mood would always brighten when he accomplished tasks. Even if they were small ones, it didn’t matter. Papyrus just needed to help his brother break the cycle. Sans moved about the living room, opening and setting out trays of finger food for their guests, as well as an abundance of coasters. Even though Papyrus had cleaned this morning, Sans made a point to go about the room straightening pillows and stacking books. Papyrus poked his head out of the kitchen and smiled at Sans’ busy body work. “GOOD JOB SANS. THANK YOU FOR STRAIGHTENING UP AS WELL.” Papyrus called from the kitchen, making sure to point out Sans’ extra effort. Papyrus’ soul almost burst out of his chest when he received one of the biggest, most proud smiles from Sans. It was the biggest smile he had seen from his brother in the past few weeks. The doorbell broke the brothers out of their small, happy trance. Their guests had arrived. “i’ll get it, boss.” Sans responded before Papyrus could, knowing his brother was still busy with cooking. Papyrus nodded, leaving the meeting and greeting up to his brother as he returned to the kitchen to finish his many masterpieces. Sans made it to their front door by the second ring and opened up to see both the tale and swap brothers standing together in a big group. “HELLO RED!” Both Blue and Rus shouted, waving frantically even though they were both no more than 3 feet away. Classic and Stretch simply waved casually, an easy smile on both their faces. “heh, hey guys. glad you could make it.” Sans put on a relaxed grin, his mask slipping easily into place. It was game time. Sans then stepped to the side to let the others in. “Heh, looks like you almost didn’t make it.” Stretch commented jokingly as he pointed at Sans’ wrinkled shirt and shorts. Most definitely the same outfit he slept in last night. Sans’ soul pinged painfully, his mask almost cracking at the off-handed joke. It was a joke that hit a little too close to home. Still, Sans kept his mask up, responding with a much expected witty retort. “you know me, always fashionably late. even to my own parties.” The response had the expected reaction. Classic and Stretch chuckled while Blue and Rus ‘tsked’ and shook their heads disapprovingly at Sans’ alleged laziness. Yeah, he knew he was a lazy piece of shit too. Thanks for the reminder… As the tale and swap brothers entered the house, the five skeletons began to chat and mingle. Stretch lit up a smoke while Classic helped himself to a beer. Both skeletons shared an entire finger food tray to themselves. Rus and Blue began to try and outdo one another with training stories, each one boasting about their accomplishments and advancements in skills. Sans did his best not to focus too much on Rus and Blue, not wanting to engage the two while they were dueling each other with their endless bouts of self-confidence. Instead, Sans turned to Stretch and Classic. He figured now would be the perfect time to get caught up with his friend’s lives. “so how you two been?” Sans asked, feeling just a little awkward. It’s not like Sans couldn’t have caught up with Classic and Stretch any time before the party. He had all the skeleton’s numbers. Except, he never texted, or called. Nor did he ever return the other’s texts, or calls. Sans was sure had he done a better job at keeping in contact with his friends he wouldn’t feel so out of the loop with their lives. Just another thing he failed at so spectacularly. “oh you know, just busy with life and work. the humans are planning on sending another robot out to space. not sure which planet they are going to pick next though. all the hypothetical research has been a little boring. calculating different temperatures and gravitational affects and all.” Classic commented as he sipped his beer. Oh right, Classic had gotten a job with the human’s space program. What a job, what a life… Sans felt his soul tightening in his chest. Both he and classic loved science and space. They both had essentially the same upbringing being Gaster’s assistant. They both had the same knowledge and education. Only difference was once the barrier broke and monsters were free to roam the surface, Classic actually got off his ass and pursued a career in the field he wanted. Meanwhile Sans… Sans laid in bed. “wow, sounds like a big deal though.” Sans responded with a hint of admiration in his tone. He couldn’t believe Classic found the work boring. Sans would kill to have a job like that. Getting paid so much to do something he loved. “Yeah while you guys waste time guessing which planet you want to explore, us engineers are left making dozens of different explorer robots. You big brains upstairs need to pick a planet already. Narrow down our work load.” Stretch complained, but still smiled teasingly at Classic to let him know he wasn’t really mad. Sans looked down at the floor, his soul pinging painfully again. Stretch also worked for the human’s space program, except he worked as an engineer rather than a researcher. While Stretch was very much like Sans and Classic, he was still a Papyrus, so he loved working with his hands and solving puzzles. It was a good fit for him. That was two friends who went and did something with their lives when the barrier broke. Two people who for all intense and purposes were supposed to be just like him, managed to make something of themselves. Why the hell couldn’t Sans do the same? What was wrong with him? Before Sans’ thoughts could spiral, there was another ring of the doorbell. Sans was quick to excuse himself from his friends and their conversation, desperate to get away from the others who so causally talked about their accomplishments. Sans knew Classic and Stretch weren’t bragging, but that’s what it felt like when all Sans could contribute was that he woke up today and set out the finger food… Suddenly Sans’ straightening up earlier didn’t seem like that big of an accomplishment. Sans quickly opened the front door to reveal their last guests, the swapfell brothers. “hey guys.” Sans smiled, his grin real and relaxed. He was happy to see the swapfell brothers. They too were fell monsters, so they tended to get along easier. Sure Sans and Papyrus were friends with all their alternates, it was just… the swapfell brothers understood them better. They knew what it was like to come from a violent underground. They were the only alternates who didn’t look at Sans and Papyrus as “evil” versions of themselves. Honestly, it was nice to have friends who didn’t secretly judge them for their past… “Sorry we’re late. Human stores have abysmal alcohol options. We decided spider wine was the obvious superior choice, but that meant taking a detour.” Razz huffed as he handed Sans a bottle of expensive spider wine, adorned with a silk, black gift wrapping bow. “no worries, party just barely stared. and gee thanks guys, you didn’t have to do this.” Sans accepted the gift graciously. “come on in.” As Sans stepped aside to let Razz and Slim in, Papyrus exited the kitchen, curious to see who showed and to take a moment to greet their guests. “AH! THERE YOU TWO ARE!” Papyrus smiled wide when he saw Razz and Slim. Razz was by far the easiest monster of all their alternates to get along with. He wasn’t a Papyrus, but he was a monster with discipline and standards. Razz was the closest to Papyrus in personality and experience which made them fast friends... once they finally opened up and trusted one another that is. After a quick handshake with Razz and nod towards Slim, Papyrus noticed the others walking up to him. “EDGE! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?” Rus smiled, stopping his small battle with Blue to greet his friend and host. “I APOLOGIZE FOR MY ABSENCE. I AM JUST FINISHING UP THE LAST TOUCHES. FOOD WILL BE DONE SHORTLY.” Papyrus reassured his guests. “Do You Need Help With The Cooking, Edge?” Blue offered, his smile stretching wide at the prospect of showing off his cooking skills to his friends. “NO THANK YOU, THAT’S NOT NECESSARY. AS GUESTS YOUR ONLY JOB IS TO ENJOY YOURSELVES.” Papyrus refused politely. Besides, it was rude to have guests doing work during a party. Rus perked up, not ready to be out done by Blue in the battle of manors. “COME NOW! HAVING THREE GREAT CHEFS IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN ONE! WHAT KIND OF GUESTS WOULD WE BE IF WE DID NOT ASSIST OUR GRACIOUS HOST?” Before Papyrus had a chance to refuse, both Rus and Blue were heading towards the kitchen, culinary confidence in tow. “BESIDES,” Rus added as he passed Papyrus, “IF WE DO NOT ASSIST YOU, WHO WILL? CERTAINLY NOT OUR LAZY BROTHERS. NYEH HEH HEH!” “Yeah, I’m Sure You’d Like To Have Some Help For Once.” Blue giggled, knowing Papyrus was most likely still busy with cooking because he had done all the cleaning himself earlier. It was the same for Blue and Rus, they understood what it was like to have lazy brothers. Both Rus and Blue shared a quick laugh as they entered the kitchen, making themselves familiar with some aprons and cutlery. Completely unaware to how harsh their words stung others. Papyrus stiffened and shot a glance towards his brother. He watched as Sans turned to look at the floor, his head low and his eye lights dim with shame and self-hatred. Papyrus could tell the comment definitely affected his brother. Razz, ever vigilant, just like Papyrus, noticed the way Sans shrunk in on himself. After a moment of quiet contemplation, Razz then turned towards his own brother and shared a knowing nod with Slim. “Hey!” Razz shouted. “Out of the kitchen you two!” He demanded as he grabbed the wine bottle from Sans’ hands and stormed into the kitchen, Papyrus close on his heels. “BUT-“ Rus was about to protest when Razz firmly set the bottle of wine on the counter in front of both him and Blue. “From the looks of this kitchen, noticing the lack of gift wrapping, it’s safe to bet you two didn’t even get the host a gift! Only true guests who thought to bring proper house party appreciation beverages, or snacks, get to help the host. Now out!” Razz demanded, almost like commanding a dog with the way he also pointed towards the living room. Both Rus and Blue shared sad looks. They had been bested in the battle of manors. They forgot to bring gifts, the biggest faux pas a guest could do when attending a house party. The two then left the kitchen, their heads low and metaphorical tails between their legs. Papyrus watched with wide sockets at how well Razz could command a room. Truly there was something to be said about the leadership skills of fell monsters. Once the coast was clear, Papyrus turned towards Razz with a questioning look, curious as to why Razz kicked Rus and Blue out of the kitchen. “You’re welcome.” Razz dropped the superior guest act. “Can’t reprimand those two with their brothers sitting right there, but they don’t get to be rewarded after behaving so poorly to your brother. Have to teach them manors somehow.” Razz smirked knowingly. Papyrus smiled, grateful for Razz’s intervention. “Thank You.” Papyrus spoke softly. Razz was no stranger to dealing with depressed brothers. Slim was much like Sans in the sense that he too could still not shake the oppressive clutches of depression, even long after the barrier had been broken. Since Razz and Slim had been in a relationship much longer than any of the other skeleton brothers, Razz had more experience in dealing with his brother’s depression. The special way they formed their relationship required complete trust and communication. It was not simply kinky BDSM sex and master-pet play. It was a lifestyle. One the swapfell brothers took very seriously. Razz swore to take care of Slim, not just as a master, but as a lover and brother. He knew all too well what it was like for Papyrus to live with Sans’ depression. Constantly worrying, watching, analyzing. Being sure to navigate the minefield that was dangerous triggers. The swings of good and bad days. The constant fear that one day they would wake up to find dust in their brother’s bed, a suicide note on the nightstand. It was something that their alternates would never understand. Loving someone who didn’t love themselves. It took a toll on them. But they loved their brothers. They would do anything for them. As fell monsters, trust and love was incredibly rare and sacred. The bonds they had with their brothers were unbreakable. The things fell monsters had to endure ensured lifelong connections with their brothers. It wasn’t something that could be explained to the tale monsters, so they never tried. Slim watched Razz enter the kitchen, only to see Rus and Blue exit shortly thereafter. A little smirk worked its way onto Slim’s sharpened teeth. His Lord was always in charge, no matter where they went. Slim could only assume Razz was speaking privately with Papyrus by now, which meant it was the perfect time for him to speak with Sans. Slim walked up to Sans and noticed that the smaller skeleton was still staring at the ground, his eye lights impossibly dim. A sympathetic pang gripped Slim’s soul at the sight. Their alternates could be a little dense. Their off-handed comments usually hurt more than they would ever know, causing a ripple effect of anger and self-hatred. Slim gently placed a hand on Sans’ shoulder, startling the other skeleton out of his depressed stupor. “Hey, Red.” “oh, hey slim.” Sans was quick to fix his mask and give Slim a large, forced grin. Slim simply smiled slightly. He knew asking ‘how are you’ would only receive a fake, scripted lie. Stars knows that’s what he did all the time himself. Instead Slim’s grip tightened on Sans’ shoulder, almost as if to send a silent message of comradery. The message was received and Sans’ fake smile dropped to a more sincere one. Small, but real. “thanks…” Sans whispered, knowing he and Razz were looking out for him. The two then made their way over to the others, watching as their friends began to chat and laugh about anything and everything. Sans and Slim smiled and laughed on queue when it was socially required to, but they mostly stayed quiet and simply observed. With Slim by Sans’ side, he no longer felt so out of place. After a few more minutes of easy chatting, Papyrus and Razz exited the kitchen carrying dishes of freshly prepared food. “DINNER IS SERVED!” Papyrus announced as he and Razz began setting the large dining table. “Oh Boy! That All Looks Delicious, Edge!” Blue complimented, his eye lights morphing into stars as he looked over the different pasta dishes, hamburgers, and tacos. “SUCH AN EXCELLENT ARRAY OF CULINARY EXCELLENCY! BUT THAT IS TO BE EXPECTED OF A PAPYRUS AFTER ALL!” Rus added.“Looks good, I’m starving.” Stretched grinned as he and Classic took their seats next to their respected brothers. “Papy, You Ate An Entire Tray Of Finger Food! You Should Have Saved Your Appetite!” Blue chided. “don’t worry blue, stretch and i always have room for a good burg.” Classic winked, sharing a smile with Stretch at how their brothers rolled their eyes at them. Sans sat next to Papyrus and watched as everyone began to dig in. Their alternates grabbed spoonful’s of pasta, a taco or too, as well as at least one burger each. Everyone looked to be enjoying themselves, still chatting with one another over the dinner table as they ate. Sans could only watch. He looked over all the food his brother had worked so hard to make. It all looked delicious, and he was sure it was. It was just… he wasn’t hungry. Sans couldn’t for the life of him stomach the thought of actually eating right now. Sure his stomach was practically growling at the sight of the food, but for some reason the thought of actually eating anything right now threatened to make him nauseous. Sans looked down at his empty plate in exhaustion. He felt terrible for not wanting to eat. Papyrus worked so hard on the food! And everyone was here, he was expected to eat at a dinner party! Sans’ hands began to shake under the table. His anxiety quickly building. Should he try to force himself to eat? What if it made him sick? He didn’t want to make a scene, but not eating anything would draw attention to himself. “Sans?” Sans flinched at the call of his name and looked up to see Papyrus staring at him worriedly. “Are You Not Feeling Well?” Papyrus asked, noticing that Sans had not even bothered to put any food on his plate. Not to mention he could see the slight trembling of Sans’ hands under the table. Sans contemplated on lying, but he knew it was probably not a good idea. It would be too obvious. So instead Sans told the truth. He shook his head ‘no’. Papyrus hummed in thought. “Do You Think You Could Stomach Some Food?” Once again Sans answered honestly and shook his head ‘no’. He was grateful Papyrus was being so quiet, respecting that Sans didn’t want any attention brought on him. He was also grateful that Razz seemed to be holding their alternates attention with some long story he hadn’t been able to listen to due to his borderline anxiety attack. Papyrus stayed quiet for a while before discreetly opening up his phone storage. He pulled out a bottle of mustard and placed it on the table next to Sans. “I Understand You Cannot Eat Anything Right Now, But You Need To At Least Drink Something And Replenish Your Energy. You Haven’t Eaten Anything All Day. Maybe This Will Go Down Easier.” Sans looked at the mustard bottle, then to Papyrus. He gave his brother a grateful smile and nodded, agreeing to give the mustard a try. Papyrus smiled, feeling a little better after seeing his brother grab the bottle and begin to gingerly suckle down its contents. Sans was taking his time and his sips were small, but as long as Sans had something in his system to replenish his magic, Papyrus was happy. Sans being unable to eat due to his depression and anxiety was not something new. Normally mustard was smooth and light enough to go down during those days where Sans was hit the hardest. Papyrus then turned to his guests and began to chat with the group. Things began to liven up as plate after plate of food vanished. Good food, good drinks, and good friends helped eased the night into a fun atmosphere. Sans could feel his anxiety slowly begin to ebb away with all the lighthearted chatter and laughter. He even dared to look up at the group and engage in a conversation here or there. Everything was beginning to look up, that was until Blue spoke up. “Red! Are You Drinking Mustard?!” Blue shouted loud enough for the entire table to stop their conversations and everyone to direct their attention to Sans. Sans’ eye lights shrunk to pin pricks. His soul froze in his chest. Papyrus saw the way his brother froze up and quickly spoke up to ease Blue’s concerns. “Blue It Is Alright-“ But before Papyrus could continue, Rus spoke out, “RED! HOW COULD YOU! THERE IS PLENTY OF HEALTHY FOOD FOR YOU TO PICK FROM!” Rus pointed out. He then turned to glare at his own brother. “I SWEAR YOU SANS’ AND YOUR HORRIBLE EATING HABITS!” Classic simply shrugged with a playful grin. “hey, i’m laying off the ketchup for tonight, i did good, paps. red’s the one with the mustard.” Classic was quick to divert his brother’s scolding away from him and back to Sans. “Yeah Red! Your Brother Worked Hard To Cook All This Food! Don’t Be Rude!” Blue finished his lecturing with a wag of his finger. “Now bro don’t be so harsh. We need our condiments every once in a while.” Stretch defended. “Oh Don’t You Get Met Started, Brother!” Blue turned his attention to argue with Stretch, which Stretch handled with great ease knowing his brother was only lecturing them all because he was concerned. Unfortunately, by this point Sans’ eye lights had guttered out. He sat frozen, his hand barely holding onto his mustard bottle which shook beneath the table. Just as quickly as the attention was drawn to Sans, it was now drawn back to the group as Blue and Rus pointed out their brother’s unhealthy habits, which turned the conversation to unhealthy habits they noticed humans make, which then dissolved into general talk about humans. Still, Sans’ soul throbbed painfully in his chest. He felt the marrow in his bones run cold. His throat clenched up with a painfully large knot. Tears quickly gathered in his sockets against his will. He knew he was being rude. He knew his brother worked so hard on all that food. He wanted to taste it, he really did! He knew he messed up when he didn’t wake up in time to help his brother clean. He messed up everything! Why did he even bother to get out of bed? Why did he bother existing? He was so stupid! Such a waste of space! What was wrong with him! He knew he was a disgusting, selfish, lazy, good for nothing- Sans’ sockets widened as he felt familiar bile begin to rise in his throat. Quickly, before he could make a mess all over the dinner table in front of their guests, Sans teleported to the bathroom. Sans barely had enough time to lift the lid to the toilet before he was heaving all the magic that was in his system. Sans fell to his knees as he let his body expel any and all nourishment he had eaten that day, which wasn’t to say very much, but still was enough to throw up. Sans couldn’t stop the tears that began to trickle down from his sockets as he coughed and gagged at the last bit of sick. Stars he was such a fuck up! Why was he like this?! Sans grabbed a handful of toilet paper to muffle his cries as he did his best to stay quiet. He desperately hoped no one paid enough attention to him to wonder where he teleported off to. He had already ruined his brother’s house party. The last thing he needed was for the others to hear him crying, to see him broken and weak. He was so pathetic. Sans’ soul dropped when he heard a tentative knock at the bathroom door. Panic rose as Sans tried to calm himself and clear his voice in time to tell the visitor that he was alright and order them to leave. But before Sans could say anything the door slowly opened. “Sans..?” Papyrus spoke softly as he peeked inside the bathroom. His soul clenched painfully at the sight of his brother knelt over the toilet on the floor, streaks of tears running down his skull, and a wadded up tissue pressed against his teeth in an attempt to muffle his cries. Slowly, Papyrus entered the bathroom and closed the door behind himself, giving him and Sans the privacy they needed. “go away paps. i’m alright, you’re missin your party downstairs.” Sans weakly protested, guilt wracking his soul over causing his brother to wear that worried expression. Stars he was such a fuck up… “Hush Now, Don’t Be Ridiculous.” Papyrus gently scolded as he sat down on the bathroom floor next to Sans, his hand reaching up and gently stroking his brother’s spine, doing his best to sooth his mate. Sans reluctantly relaxed against his brother’s touch, easing himself into the large and surprisingly gentle hand that stroked away the tension with every rub. It was quiet for a long while, neither brother speaking. The quiet was both welcomed and nerve wracking all in one. Sans basked in the silence for as long as he could before speaking up. “i’m sorry…” Sans whispered. “Don’t Be. There Is Nothing To Be Sorry For.” Papyrus rejected Sans’ apology firmly, yet gently as he continued to rub his brother’s back. “yes there is… i fucked up your party… i fucked everything up…” Sans’ voice cracked as more tears threatened to spill. Before Sans had a chance to break down once again, strong arms wrapped themselves around Sans’ lithe frame, pulling him into Papyrus’ lap. Sans struggled to break free, but Papyrus simply tightened his hold, encasing himself around Sans protectively. Almost as if he was trying to physically shield Sans of his own mind. “paps! what are you doin? you’re missin your party!” Sans protested and struggled in Papyrus’ grasp, except this time much weaker. “Shut Up And Let Me Hold You!” Papyrus’ voice cracked. Sans froze. Papyrus’ voice was shaky. He could feel his brother trembling around him. Those strong arms shook, yet stayed firmly around him like a vice grip. Sans’ soul sank. It felt like it weighed a ton. The little organ was barely staying afloat with how much guilt piled on top of it. He hurt his brother. The one thing he never wanted to do. He hurt the one only ray of light in his life. He knew he had been hurting his brother for a long time now. He saw all the hidden glances, the worried looks, the sad frowns. He saw the way Papyrus treated him like a fragile glass egg. He hurt his brother every day just by existing. Everything he did was wrong. He couldn’t do a single thing right. He couldn’t even be a proper mate for his brother. Why was he such a fuck up! Sans slumped in defeat. He knew he didn’t deserve his brother’s love and kindness, but he turned and clung to the other regardless. The warmth and love that radiated off of Papyrus’ soul when Sans returned the hug was almost burning. Sans didn’t understand how he could make Papyrus so happy. He just didn’t understand. “i’m sorry…” Sans weakly spoke. He wanted to apologize for so much. For being a bad brother. For being a useless partner. For being broken. “Why Can’t You See How Great You Are? Why Can’t You See How Much I Love You?” Sans couldn’t stop the fat tears that streamed from his sockets. He wanted to argue, to deny everything. He wasn’t great. He wasn’t worthy of his brother’s love. But he knew Papyrus was in no mood to argue. It would only upset Papyrus more. The two then sat together, wrapped in each other’s arms for what seemed like hours. Sans wanted to protest, but after moments turned into minutes, and wave after wave of calming, loving magic was pushed into Sans’ soul from Papyrus, Sans finally gave into the calming intent and relaxed fully into Papyrus’ arms. Sans’ sockets closed and his anxiety vanished. There was nothing left but the now matching rhythmic beats of their souls, both humming with love for one another. “what about the party?” Sans softly asked as he nuzzled into the crook of Papyrus’ neck. “Razz And Slim Are Very Capable Guests With The Skills To Hold Down A Party While I Am Away With More Important Matters.” Papyrus stated calmly. Once given trust, fell monsters held a strong comradery. Papyrus only needed to give Razz one look for the other to understand and nod in agreement. Papyrus wasn’t worried, Razz was an excellent impromptu host. Sans felt his magic glowing on his cheeks at the statement. “you don’t have to stay up here with me anymore. i’m fine now.” “I Know I Don’t Have To. I Want To.” Sans felt his skull light up even brighter and he quickly buried his face against Papyrus’ chest, desperate to hide his blush from his brother. Stars Papyrus always knew how to make him swoon, even when he wasn’t trying. Papyrus chuckled at Sans’ shy behavior. His older brother kept up a harsh and rough mask, but in reality, he was incredibly cute and shy. He was also insecure and hard on himself. A small twinge of guilt crossed Papyrus’ mind. Sans had spent their whole lives praising him and instilling him with unbreakable confidence. If Papyrus hadn’t become second in command, he wouldn’t have had to treat Sans so badly in public to uphold a merciless image. If Papyrus had spent more time praising Sans instead of insulting him, would Sans have the crippling self-hate and depression that he had now? Was Sans’ depression caused by his failure as a brother? After more time passed, Sans felt small skeletal kisses pepper his skull. His sockets opened, blinking back the coming waves of sleep. He didn’t realize he had grown to be so tired. His emotional roller-coaster of a day left him feeling weak and exhausted. “Sans, I’m Going To Head Back To The Party.” Papyrus warned as he loosened his hold on his brother. As much as he wanted to stay, he knew he couldn’t leave Razz to hold things down much longer. The others might get suspicious and come looking for the two missing skeletons. Papyrus knew the last thing Sans needed was more potential triggers from their friends. “You Don’t Have To Join If You Don’t Want To.” He offered, letting his brother decide how much social stimulation he could handle. “that uh, sounds good. not really feeling up to chatting anymore…” Sans admitted shyly. “think i’ll just hold up in my room for the rest of the night..” Papyrus nodded understandingly. “I Will Save You Some Food So You Can Eat When Everyone Leaves.” Sans snickered and smiled weakly. “thanks, paps.” His brother knew him well. Papyrus took a long look at his brother before pressing his teeth against Sans’ in a chaste, but loving kiss. He smiled when he felt Sans return the gesture, albeit a bit more gentle than he was used to. Once the two parted, Papyrus slowly stood and helped his brother to his feet. With one last nod and gentle smile, Papyrus exited the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Sans sighed once he was alone and teleported straight to his bedroom. He landed on his bed with a little bounce. It was quiet. Sans turned on his side and pulled the covers over himself as he waited for the party to finish. He had to wait for them all to finish their after dinner games and puzzles, so it was going to be a while. Sans felt the strong pull of sleep urging his sockets to close. Without having to worry about the party or anymore socializing, Sans finally gave into his exhaustion and let himself drift off to sleep. Sans wasn’t sure how long he had been asleep. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours. He wanted to sleep longer. He was so comfortable. He was warm, snuggled up against… bone? Slowly, Sans blinked away the clutches of sleep as he pried his sockets open. The room was dark aside for the flashing lights on the TV. Sans was no longer in his bed. Instead, he was curled up on his brother’s chest on the couch, the two of them wrapped snugly in Papyrus’ blanket. Sans’ soul immediately relaxed. His brother’s scent was all around him, those strong arms holding him, and the warm pulse of his brother’s soul was just beneath him. Sans couldn’t stop the contented sigh that left his mouth as he nuzzled further into his brother’s embrace. “Awake sleepy bones?” Sans smiled at the surprisingly soft and gentle sound of his brother’s voice. “how long have i been asleep?” Sans asked while making no move to get up from their comfortable cuddling position. “The party has been over for three hours.” Papyrus informed as he gently ran his phalanges up and down the ridges of Sans’ spine. His tired sockets focused on the barely interesting late night infomercial playing on the television. Sans’ hands clenched fistfuls of Papyrus’ night shirt. He had slept through the after party cleaning. He had failed to wake up and help his brother prepare for the party, and he failed to wake up and help his brother clean up after. He was a failure throughout the whole day. “Hush Sans…” Papyrus grabbed hold of one of Sans’ clenched fists. His thumb gently rubbed across the course bone till Sans’ grip loosened. “Hush whatever it is your mind is thinking.” “how did you know…?” Sans asked dumbfounded. “I am your mate remember? While I cannot tell what goes through your head all the time, it is easy to guess what you are thinking when your soul is so close to mine…” Papyrus clarified softly, his hand pressing firmly over Sans’ spine where his soul should be underneath. As if on queue, Sans soul pulsed with guilt. “i’m sorry…” Sans apologized for the umpteenth time that night. Still, it didn’t seem like enough. He wished Papyrus could just read his mind, since it seemed his words always failed him at times he needed to speak up the most. “Don’t be.” Papyrus rejected the apology as he placed a gentle skeleton kiss atop Sans’ skull. Sans’ cheeks flushed with a dull crimson glow. He couldn’t for the life of him understand what Papyrus saw in him. “why do you put up with me?” Sans found himself asking before he knew better to shut his mouth. Papyrus stiffened. Oh no. That was definitely the wrong thing to say. Slowly, Papyrus pushed Sans back, just enough to have the other sitting up straight on his lap so that he could see Sans’ face. Sans flinched and shut his sockets tight, waiting for the barrage of insults, or maybe a slap to come his way. The sight caused Papyrus’ soul to clench painfully. So, he was right. Years of publicly insulting and shaming Sans had caused a permanent negative affect. Even though they both knew it was an act, some things could not be forgotten. Words could not be taken back. Behaviors difficult to unlearn. Papyrus set aside his own guilt and self-hatred for the moment as he reached out and gently cupped Sans’ cheek. He watched as Sans slowly eased out of his tense pose and carefully open his sockets, only to stare at Papyrus with wide curious eye lights. Papyrus was sure to stare long and hard into Sans eyes, hoping Sans could see how open and honest he was being right now. “Sans, I do not ‘put up with you’. I am with you, I am your mate.” Papyrus clarified, hoping Sans could understand him. “but… but… i’m just a burden to you…” Sans weakly protested. “Did you ever think I was a burden when we were younger and had to hide in caves? How I stayed behind while you worked a thousand odd job just to afford food?” Papyrus questioned. “what? of course not!” Sans shouted, upset that Papyrus would even ask that. He loved is baby brother! Sans would gladly go back and do it all over. He’d give every last piece of bread to Papyrus so long as he had food to eat. He’d give him all the blankets and good clothes, gladly taking the torn garments. Sans would take on monsters twice his age and three times his size if it meant protecting his precious baby brother. He’d do anything for Papyrus! “Then why would you think, even for a second, that I would consider you a burden?” Papyrus reasoned as he gently stroked away a single tear that cascaded down Sans’ cheek. Sans opened his mouth as if to protest, but found no words. “I am your brother, your mate, your partner. I will protect and care for you just as you would for me.” Papyrus smiled softly as he felt a little happy pulse from Sans’ soul. It was a start, but at least Sans was slowly beginning to understand. “I know you might not believe me, but I am so very proud of you, brother. One day you’ll understand your self-worth. But until then, I’ll simply have to remind you every day how great you are, and how much I love you.” Papyrus finished off his speech with a few strategic kisses. One against Sans’ increasingly burning cheek, one over his socket to kiss away the tears, another on his forehead, and then finally one long, deep, passionate kiss against Sans’ teeth. Sans sighed contently, melting into his brother’s arms as Papyrus pulled him in closer. Their kiss continued as Papyrus’ tongue slid past Sans’ sharp teeth, meeting Sans’ tongue in an increasingly desperate display of love and affection. Sans’ sockets closed and he basked in the blissful warmth their souls created as they pulsed away in unison, the organs glowing brighter as the two continued to kiss and hold each other closer together. Sans wasn’t sure he’d ever see what Papyrus saw in him. He wasn’t sure he’d ever stop being weak and useless. He wasn’t even sure Papyrus would always love him. Maybe one day Papyrus would get tired of taking care of him. Maybe one day his brother would have enough and finally give up on him. Maybe one day he really would have no reason to keep going. But at least for today, Sans had a reason to live. And maybe things would never get better, but at least he had Papyrus by his side. And that’s all that mattered. He would try. For Papyrus, he would try. And that was a start.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It was warm. Uncomfortably so. Sans scrunched his sockets in defiance, but the beads of sweat trickling down his skull to his vertebrae made him shudder in disgust. He was so warm he was sweating. With a heavy sigh, Sans gave into the warmth’s annoying heat and opened his sockets. As soon as he did, Sans was blinded by the mid-day sun shining through his window. It was exactly twelve thirty. Sans didn’t even have to look at a clock. The sun always shined exactly in the most annoying angle at twelve thirty. It was at just the right spot to warm up his room, making it too warm to comfortably sleep. The joys of summer. Sans grunted with annoyance as he flung his blanket off like it offended him. He was wet from the sweat. It was disgusting. Sans didn’t feel up to taking a shower, but the disgust of being dirty was too strong. Reluctantly, Sans stood and marched out of his room to the bathroom. With a slam to the door, Sans began his morning routine. Granted it was a very late routine, but a late one was better than being gross and sweaty all day. Sans turned on the shower and stepped away to give the water time to heat up as well give himself a moment to strip from his previous day’s clothes. Once Sans wrestled his sweat soaked shirt over his skull, he caught a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror. Sans’ eye lights roamed over his body, eyeing every nick, every scar that marred his bones. There was the prominent slash across his chest from the repeated timelines of Frisk’s not so generous runs through the underground. The gash was deep, heavily scarred over from being cut open and healed again and again. The scars trailed up his neck all the way to his face with one prominent scar across his left eye socket. It mirrored Papyrus’ scar, even though Papyrus had two cracks instead of one. It was like they matched. Two matching scars to remind him of how much he failed his baby brother back in the underground. Some would argue making it up to the surface was the ultimate goal, but Sans’ goal had always been to protect his little brother. Something he failed to do… How Papyrus put up with Sans after he had so spectacularly failed to protect his only family was beyond him. How Papyrus found his ugly, cracked mug attractive was borderline insane. Sans was quick to catch onto his self-deprecating thoughts and immediately shook his skull as to physically remove the thoughts from his mind. No, not today. He had actually been having a decent week. His toxic thoughts weren’t going to ruin his good run. The house party had been a little over two weeks ago and it had taken Sans almost a full week to get back to normal. He had been enjoying the rare peace. He was determined to keep it that way. Sans noticed that the mirror he was staring at was beginning to fog up with steam. Shower must have been ready for a while. Sans was quick to step into the now nicely warm shower, letting the hot water wash away the sweat and grime on his bones. The shower wasn’t too long. Sans didn’t want to give his mind time to wonder. He was efficient. Scrubbing and rinsing off the flowery scented body wash Papyrus refused to admit he bought on purpose. Sans quickly got out of the shower and toweled himself off. As soon as the water was no longer running, Sans could make out the unmistakable sounds of his brother stomping around their house. A light hearted chuckle worked its way up Sans mouth. Papyrus was still as boisterously loud as he was back in the underground. A habit he was sure his brother was never going to grow out of. That was fine. Sans didn’t like it when everything was quiet anyway. He was secretly grateful for Papyrus’ loud attitude and mannerisms. After making a quick trek to his room, Sans found a pair of clean clothes to change into. He was quick to discard his old clothes and towel in his hamper before making his way downstairs. Sans looked around with a bit of shock to find no one in the living room, or the kitchen. With all the banging around, Sans had half expected to find Papyrus in the kitchen with a pan of lasagna in the oven ready to go. Sans blinked confused, but as if right on que, he could hear Papyrus’ tale-tell stomping in his bedroom. Oh so he was upstairs. Well no biggie. Sans didn’t need Papyrus to cook. He was feeling well enough to make something himself. Sans strode over to their fridge and looked inside to inspect its contents. There wasn’t as much food in the fridge as normal, and most notably there was no containers of leftovers. Sans frowned and decided to keep things simple. He pulled out what odds and ends he could find and set them on the counter. They had just enough ingredients to make one hell of a fancy sandwich. Some ham and cheese with left over lettuce, the half of tomato they were never going to use, a generous glob of mustard, and just a smidge of relish. Sans cut the sandwich in half just to be extra fancy before adding a handful of chisps to the plate which happened to be the rest of the chisps they had. As Sans took his sandwich to the dining table he heard more than saw Papyrus stomp down the stairs. As expected, his brother entered the kitchen soon after, his new Royal Guard uniform halfway buttoned up with his regulation hat tucked under his arm. Sans eyed the uniform with a half-smile. The Royal Guard took on more of a security or police roll now that they were above ground. While Sans was grateful that the job was much less dangerous than it was before, he had to admit that he missed seeing his brother in his old uniform. Still, Papyrus broke uniform code stubbornly by adding his battle worn crimson scarf. Seeing Papyrus break the dress code rule just to include the scarf he made for his bro had Sans’ soul warm every time he saw it. Papyrus froze as he was buttoning up his shirt to stare at Sans in shock, as if he wasn’t expecting him to be there. Sans cocked his skull to the side at the look Papyrus was giving him. “hey bro, what is it?” Papyrus stared for just a moment longer before skillfully wiping the look off his face. “NOTHING. JUST WASN’T EXPECTING TO SEE YOU UP IS ALL.” Papyrus resumed buttoning his shirt as he stepped over towards the coffee maker. Sans frowned at the comment, trying not to think too hard about it. He knew his brother didn’t mean it the way his mind was trying to interpret it. He stubbornly let the remark slip by as he focused back on his brother, schooling his voice into his familiar nonchalant tone. “yeah guess i slept in pretty late. but what you doing up and about bro? don’t you have the day off?” Papyrus grabbed a mug from their cupboard, an old faded one that they brought with them from the underground. It had a worn print of a bone on it. One of their favorites. “I PICKED UP ANOTHER SHIFT.” Papyrus said a little too sharply to be normal. Sans frowned even more at that. “but why? papyrus you shouldn’t be pushing yourself so hard.” Papyrus sighed, stress working its way onto his stiff shoulders. “BECAUSE WE HAVE BILLS TO PAY, BROTHER. AND IF WE WANT GROCERIES THIS WEEK MONEY WILL HAVE TO FALL OUT OF THE TREES, OR I WILL NEED TO PICK UP MORE SHIFTS TO COVER THE COSTS.” Sans flinched. Now that he was looking for it, he could easily make out the tension in Papyrus’ voice and bones. The way he was short with his responses. The stiffness in his posture that Sans’ hadn’t seen since they were underground. Papyrus was under a tremendous amount of stress, and it didn’t take a scientist to figure out why. Papyrus was the sole breadwinner in the house. He alone supported both himself and Sans. Meanwhile Sans freeloaded and did nothing of contribute since the day they moved to the surface. Sans dropped his skull in shame, his eye lights landing on the ridiculously lavish sandwich that had used up whatever scraps they had left in the fridge. He was such garbage. Not only was he not contributing, but he was eating all their food. Meanwhile Papyrus took on double, or heck, even triple shifts just to support them. Sans suddenly didn’t feel hungry. Papyrus sipped at his coffee as he turned, making his way towards the kitchen archway. “I’M OFF TO WORK SANS. I’LL SEE YOU AFTER MY SHIFT.” “wait,” Sans called, catching Papyrus’ attention. “you haven’t eaten yet, here.” Sans pushed his plate towards his brother, offering him the sandwich and chisps. Papyrus eyed the sandwich then his brother. “SANS THAT’S YOUR SANDWICH.” He began to deny. “no, i made this for you. i ate earlier.” Sans was sure to put on his most convincing grin, the one he always used when playing cool in the underground. It got him out of a lot of tough situations, and even his brother couldn’t see though all his masks. He even patted his middle for extra effect. Papyrus took the plate and eyed the food skeptically. “THANK YOU?” “no problem bro! if you need me just give me a ring. i’ll be out.” Sans was quick to teleport away, not giving his brother a chance to question him or his motives. Papyrus was just about to reach for Sans when his brother vanished with his signature teleport. Papyrus let out a small sigh. While it wasn’t uncommon for Sans to do chores around the house or cook them food, something about their exchange seemed… off. Papyrus relented knowing there was nothing he could do now that his brother what stars knows where at the moment. So he grabbed the sandwich and took a bite. Immediately Papyrus tasted the generous amount of mustard on the sandwich and knew that Sans had lied. Papyrus sighed and dropped his skull rubbing his hand across his face, leather gloves rubbing on bone. He had fucked up. He let the stress get to him, and he had fucked up. *~* Sans reappeared in downtown NewNew Home. A stupid name, but on par with their King’s naming skills. With nothing to do, and nowhere to go, Sans began to wander the streets of downtown NewNew Home. Sans did his best not to stand out as he walked down the streets. The sun’s annoying heat warmed Sans’s bare arms which made him realize that he had stupidly teleported from home without his jacket. Sure his jacket would have made him uncomfortably warm in the summer’s heat, but he liked having something cover his bones. He didn’t like his scars to be on display. Sans shoved his hands into the pockets of his basketball shorts, hunching over a bit with a grunt of annoyance. If there were only monsters from his underground around, Sans wouldn’t care. Having scars meant you were a tough ass and not to be messed with. But ever since they reached the surface, they realized that there were more undergrounds than just theirs. There was Classic’s underground, Stretch’s, and Razz and Slim’s underground. All of them making a new home on the surface. So the monsters around weren’t always fell monsters, meaning whenever they saw the scars on Sans’s bones, they would give him that look. The look of disgust and pity. Sans hated it. Right on queue, as Sans passed a nearby clothes store, the monsters exiting caught sight of Sans’ scars and immediately gasped before whispering to themselves, not once bothering to look away, or even have the common decency not to point. Sans felt an indignant flush work its way across his skull and he hightailed it towards Grillby’s. Grillby’s was and always will be a place for Sans to escape to. He used to hide out there back in the underground all the time. Before he could be honest with Papyrus about his feelings, he’d seek out the comfort of Grillby’s bar and the warmth of Grillby’s alcohol so he wouldn’t have to think about how much of a disgusting fuck up he was. A big brother who couldn’t protect his little brother and was in love with him. Disgrace of the century. Often he would drink till he couldn’t feel feelings anymore. It helped, but only momentarily. Sans would always wake up the next day with a hangover and the guilt that Papyrus had to carry his drunk ass home. Nowadays Sans didn’t drink himself half to death. Rarely he came home drunk. Mostly because he didn’t want to upset Papyrus, but also partially that he didn’t have a reason to anymore. Now that Sans and Papyrus had confessed their feelings for one another and began a romantic relationship, Sans didn’t need to hide his feelings anymore, so there was no need to drink them away. Sure he had other reasons to drink. His depression and anxiety being two big ones. Sans just couldn’t bring himself to drink too often. If he drank when he was having one of his bad swings, well… he learned not to do that. He didn’t want to see his little brother cry like that again. So he pretty much stayed away from alcohol. Now he just drank mustard, or coffee. As Sans entered the familiarly warm bar he caught sight of Classic and Stretch casually having a break, drinking their preferred condiments while they laughed about something that was particularly funny. Sans felt a smile pull at his teeth. Maybe some drinks and bad jokes would help keep his mind off of things. “heya guys!” Sans greeted as he took a seat next to Classic’s left, waving to Stretch who was on Classic’s right. “red! hey! long time no see buddy!” Classic smiled and patted his alternate’s shoulder. “yeah feels like we hardly got to talk to you at the party. how you been?” Stretched leaned over the bar to get a better look at his friend and greet him with a warm smile. Sans gave a weak laugh at Stretch’s remark, doing his best to keep his mask up. He tried not to think about how he ruined his brother’s party by having a break down. He was trying hard not to slip today. So he did what he always did, made a joke about it and ignored the subject. “ah well got ta keep you guys wantin more, ya know? keep the fans guessin when the skele-ton of fun will come.” Sans even finished with a wink for good measure which left Classic and Stretch chuckling. “so what you guys up to?” Sans was quick to change the subject away from him. “stretch and I are on our break. wanted to get some burgs and drinks before we head back to the labs.” Classic held up his ketchup bottle for emphasis while Stretch munched on some frys left on his plate. “wanna join us? we can order you a burg with extra mustard.” The offer of food had San’s non-existent stomach clenching, reminding him he hadn’t eaten yet today. He wanted to say yes because he was hungry, but his jaw just wouldn’t open. If Classic or Stretch got him lunch that would just be another tab he couldn’t pay. The train of thought drifted towards his brother and how Papyrus was working extra shifts just to put food on the table. The guilt gnawed at Sans more than the hunger. He suddenly didn’t have an appetite. “nah, i already ate earlier, still pretty stuffed.” He lied easily with a fake smile. “alright then.” Classic smiled and continued on his conversation before Sans arrived. Both he and Stretch were laughing about office and lab gossip. Apparently two lab assistance did the do in a supply room, not knowing there was a security camera rolling. The company had to issue a companywide reminder not to have sex on company time in closets or any other location in the facility. Sans laughed along with a weary smile. It would be fun to work at the same lab as Classic and Stretch. He’d get to do something he loved and be able to fit in with his friend’s inside jokes. As the conversation went on it became more and more clear to Sans that he was indeed the outsider of the three. Almost all the jokes they made were about incidents at the lab. Whenever Sans gave a confused look, Stretch would just comment ‘you would’ve had to be there to get it.’ The more the stories continued, the more Sans struggled to understand the jokes. Eventually, Sans stopped listening. What was the point? It’s not like he’d be able to follow along with their stories anyway. Sans sat quietly while his two friends laughed and chatted about work and mutual friends, all of which Sans knew nothing about. He tried his best to tune them out. He was good at giving smiles, or forced laughs on queue, doing his best to stick to proper social etiquette. Afterall, he had plenty of practice. “well would you look at the time,” Stretch spoke up as he checked his pone. Classic pulled out some G for his and Stretch’s lunch and gave a look to his phone as well. “yeah best we be heading back. you’re getting the next lunch, stretch.” Classic teased as both he and Stretch hopped off their stools. The two paused to address their remaining friend. “was nice catching up with you, red. we should do this again sometime.” Sans gave a kind smile even though he knew what that phrase meant. ‘Should do this again sometime’ is what people said when they didn’t want to really make plans, but it was the polite thing to say in social situations. “yeah we should.” He agreed knowing neither Classic nor Stretch would text him to make plans. Then again, he never replied to his texts, so it’s not like it wasn’t his fault. Stretch gave a lazy wave as both he and Classic exited Grillby’s. “take care buddy.” Sans gave a small wave back, holding the fake smile until the door to the bar closed and neither Stretch nor Classic were in view. Without any reason to hold his mask up, Sans let his smile and hand drop along with a heavy sigh. That hadn’t turned out how he wanted. Instead of feeling refreshed after hanging out with his friends, Sans felt even more drained than ever. His friends were going back to work, going back to being productive members of society while Sans did jack shit. Sans slowly got off his bar stool and stood on shaky legs. Woah… what the heck? Sans had to hold onto the bar to keep from losing his balance and toppling over. He blinked in confusion as his body swayed a bit. That was odd. He felt weaker than he should. He only skipped a few meals, it was no big deal. Sans frowned as it took a few moments for his bones to stop shaking and go back to normal. Odd… but Sans didn’t have time to question it. The last thing Papyrus needed was an unnecessary medical bill because Sans’ body couldn’t get its act together. He mentally growled at himself to toughen up and deal with it as he teleported himself home. The difference between the loud busy bar and his quiet empty home was deafening. There was no noises, no distractions, Sans’ thoughts were free to roam wherever they wanted. And that was bad. Sans suddenly did not want quiet. He did not want to think. Lazy, stupid, useless, disgusting- No! He had to do something! Anything, he just needed to keep his mind busy. Looking around frantically, Sans decided to busy himself with house work. As Sans pulled out the loud vacuum cleaner, he gave a relieved smile. Good, at least this way he was doing something to help out instead of being a worthless, useless, pathetic- no! Not today! He was not going to let himself go down that rabbit hole. Sans quickly turned on the machine and let the loud noise drown out his thoughts. Sans focused on cleaning the house. He gave it his all putting in all his energy into his tasks, not letting his mind linger once. He vacuumed, dusted, did the dishes, and started a load of laundry. By the time Papyrus got home it was late in the evening and the house was spotless. Papyrus’ sockets widened at how clean the house looked. He almost dropped the bags of groceries he was holding. There was even scented candles lit, the same ones that magically appeared in the house that he did not at all buy. “SANS?” Papyrus called out to the only one who could have possibly deep cleaned the house in his absents. “in the kitchen!” Papyrus followed the call from his brother, entering the kitchen to find Sans putting away the last of the dishes that had been cleaned by hand. “BROTHER? YOU CLEANED THE HOUSE?” Papyrus felt speechless as he set down the paper bags filled with groceries onto the kitchen counters. Sans flinched at the surprised tone in his brother’s voice. Sans used to clean all the time. He liked when things were orderly. Contrary to belief, Sans didn’t like filth, or clutter. It made his anxiety flair up. Too much clutter felt suffocating. But, Sans also understood Papyrus’ shock. It had been a long time since Sans last cleaned anything. The realization made Sans look down at the empty sink with a frown. He didn’t like being so useless that doing simple chores was so surprising to his brother. It meant that Papyrus had gotten used to him being lazy. Expected it of him. The thought hurt, a lot. “s-sorry it took so long, bro. just thought… y-you know you could use da help f-for once. i know i don’t help much…” “WHAT?” Papyrus was quick to school his surprise back when he saw the way Sans couldn’t even look him in the eyes. “SANS YOU HELP PLENTY.” He tried to counter the train of thought he knew his brother’s mind was going. That got Sans to look up. But instead of smiling the way Papyrus wanted, Sans met his look with one of his own that clearly wasn’t amused, that practically screamed ‘are you fucking serious?’. “paps we both know i don’t do shit.” Papyrus frowned and stepped forward, easily enveloping his older brother in a hug. Sans’ bones fit perfectly in his arms, his body moving to accept the gesture as if on instincts alone. “Sans, I Know You Try Hard And You Do What You Can. That’s All That Matters.” Papyrus refuted, his voice soft and gentle. Papyrus wasn’t going to let Sans’ bouts of depression overshadow all that Sans had done for him in the past. How Sans worked multiple jobs to make ends meet in the underground. How Sans protected him when he was younger. Sure there were times when Sans’ depression made it impossible for him to do chores. But Sans did more for Papyrus than he could ever repay in a lifetime. Sans felt tears sting in his sockets but he closed them, biting back the weakness. He wanted to deny Papyrus’ statement. He wanted to argue back that he was worthless, useless. Just a leech on Papyrus. That it was all his fault that Papyrus had to work so hard. That the whole reason Papyrus had to take extra shifts, had to come home late, was because he was a lazy sack of shit that was nothing but a burden to his brother. He was a burden in the underground, and he was a burden now. Instead, Sans sighed. He was too tired, both physically and mentally to argue with Papyrus. Being with his friends earlier drained him, then the work around the house exhausted him. All Sans had the strength left to do was go to sleep. “i think i’m just going to hit the sack, papyrus…” Sans responded weakly against Papyrus’ chest. Papyrus frowned. Sans sounded so tired. Suddenly, Papyrus flinched and pulled back, remembering the incident from the morning. “BEFORE YOU GO TO BED, WAIT WHILE I MAKE US SOME DINNER.” Papyrus was quick to pull out the food from the forgotten grocery bags. Sans was probably tired because he hadn’t eaten yet. Sans looked at the groceries and his stomach clenched painfully. A deep frown worked its way onto his skull as he watched Papyrus busy himself trying to make food. It was late, Papyrus had worked an extra shift and went grocery shopping. He was going to waste food on him. Food his lazy ass didn’t deserve. Sans looked down and willed his stomach not to make any noise as he slipped into another easy mask. He smiled up at Papyrus and gave a nonchalant wave. “nah bro no need. i already had some grub at grillby’s with classic and stretch.” “REALLY?” Papyrus paused to study his brother. Sans had gone out with friends? Socialized? Then came home and cleaned the whole house. Normally Sans wouldn’t have the energy for anything else after socializing with others. So he must have eaten something then, right? How else would he have had the energy to clean? Papyrus thought it over for a second before relenting. “ALRIGHT THEN BROTHER. YOU MUST BE TIRED, SO YOU SHOULD GET YOUR REST.” “thanks bro. you’re the best.” Sans tip toed up to kiss his brother on the cheek goodnight before leaving the kitchen and heading upstairs to his room. Papyrus watched his brother leave with a skeptical eye. Once he heard his brother shut the door to his bedroom, Papyrus pulled out his phone to text Stretch. ::Edge::Stretch, was my brother with you and Classic at Grillby’s today? ::Stretch::Yeah, he was with us. Why do you ask? ::Edge::Was simply checking. Thank you. Papyrus let out a breath he had been holding. So Sans didn’t lie. That was good. Still… Papyrus couldn’t help but worry. His brother was acting strange. Sure he had his good days, but this didn’t seem like a good day. Papyrus frowned as he tried to piece everything together. He worried about his brother. The more Sans kept secret, the more he could get hurt. Papyrus tried not to think too much into it, but his instincts were telling him something was wrong. In Sans’ room, Sans flopped down onto his mattress with a heavy sigh. His bones shook even though he was no longer putting strain on them. His magic felt low, but that wasn’t much to worry about. Nothing sleep couldn’t cure. Sans let his sockets close and he felt himself immediately drift off to sleep. Exhaustion from the day caught up to him, gripping him into slumber before he could even crawl under the blanket. Things were always better when he slept anyway. Sleeping kept his thoughts quiet. He didn’t have to face the world, his friends, or his brother. He didn’t have to worry Papyrus, or be a burden on him. When he was asleep, everything faded away. Sans allowed himself to sleep and stay asleep. He didn’t even try to get up. Every time awareness began to creep in, the exhaustion would win and pull him back into a dreamless sleep. He wished he could sleep forever. He didn’t want to ever wake up. ___________________________________________ The next few weeks continued the same. Sans would do his best not to be a burden on Papyrus or their groceries. When his magic began to get to painful levels of low, Sans would sate himself with a few salty crackers, just enough to keep his eye lights from strobing. They didn’t really have any taste, but they did the job, so it was good enough for Sans. His bones still shook if he stood too long, or exerted any energy other than normal, similar to what happened that day at Grillby’s when he hung out with Classic and Stretch. But Sans supposed it was a good thing he was such a lazy piece of shit because Papyrus didn’t seem to notice him sitting and resting more often than not in order to hide the trembling. Sans refused to waste groceries on himself, and he would rather take a bone to the eye socket before burdening Papyrus with an unnecessary medical bill. Sans was used to running on the bare minimum of food and magic. He did it once before as a baby bones in stripes taking care of Papyrus as orphans, he could do it again. He forced his way along on sheer stubborn determination alone. Sleeping had quickly become Sans’ favorite pastime. It kept him out of Papyrus’ metaphorical hair, and helped reserve energy. Which was good because Sans didn’t have much to spare these days. Not to mention it made time fly by. The longer he slept, the less he had to worry about. Sometimes Sans would dream, sometimes not. He enjoyed the rare times dreams did come. For a few hours he could live in a world where he wasn’t so useless. He got to spend time with his friends and enjoy the company without getting worn down. He could kiss Papyrus without feeling guilty of being a burden. And best of all, Papyrus would look at him as if he were the sexiest skeleton on the surface, not some broken fragile waste of bones. Dreams were amazing. They were like wonderful fantasies. But they were just that, fantasies. Dreams were great, until he had to wake up. As Sans slowly trudged his way into the bathroom to take a bath, as showers were out of the question anymore due to him having to stand for long periods of time, Sans wondered if there was a way he could sleep longer. A jaw cracking yawn escaped him as if to make his point, urging his tired sockets to close again. He liked his dreams. He didn’t like waking from them, maybe he could start taking sleeping pills? He was sure they had some thanks to his random bouts of insomnia. ‘Those were fun’, he thought as sarcastically as he could. As Sans turned to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, his hand froze in front of the mirror. Huh… his bones looked… thinner. Still horrendously ugly with nicks and scars, but… thinner. Sans examined the now delicate bones of his radius and ulna. He turned his arm around examining them all the way to his phalanges. Even his fingers were thinner now. He studied them silently for a while. His eye lights scanning the bones closely. This was… This was great! Sans smiled as he stared at the thin bones. He had always been on the thicker side, just like all the Sans’ were. Well except for Blue and Razz. Those two were fuckin health nuts so they weren’t as thick as him or Classic, and their thickness was more muscle than anything. And even then, Classic’s thickness looked cute and becoming on him. Whereas Sans’ looked… well, fat. Ugly, disgusting, fat, unattractive. Stars forbid if he formed his ecto. He didn’t want to even think about that. But now… Sans couldn’t help but smile brighter as he lifted his ratty red shirt over his skull to look at his ribs. Yup! Just like his arms, they too were thinner and more delicate looking. This was amazing! He hadn’t seen his bones this thin since he and Paps were orphans on the street. And that was back when he was still in stripes. With his confidence boosted Sans happily made his way towards the bath. He turned on the faucet and hummed a tune as he waited for the hot water to fill up, kicking off his raggedy shorts. Huh, maybe today wouldn’t be so bad. Heck, maybe Papyrus would notice and say something? A blush worked its way onto Sans’s skull as he thought about Papyrus complimenting him on his body. Something Papyrus would rarely do, but normally would make Sans cringe as he knew Papyrus didn’t mean it and only told him compliments out of pity. But now, Sans actually thought he looked pretty good. Papyrus would have to mean the compliments now. The thoughts made a small smile stretch across his sharp teeth, making his normally fearsome grin look more genuinely happy. Struggling with his low magic levels had been hell, but if he got to help Papyrus with not wasting groceries and look better doing it, Sans was all in. Maybe the weeks of hunger had been worth it. After spending thirty minutes in the blissfully warm water, letting the heat soak into his thin bones, Sans felt more rejuvenated than he had in several weeks. He actually spent a decent amount of time in the bath and his thoughts hadn’t even wondered to a bad place once. Hell, he even felt like getting out of his bedroom today. Something he hadn’t had the energy to do for a long while. Quickly hopping out the bath and toweling off, Sans walked over back to his room to change into a fresh pair of clothes. They were still old and a little worn, but clean. A plain black shirt and grey sweat pants. Nothing fancy, but comfortable none the less. After dumping his dirty clothes and towel in the hamper, Sans finally exited his bedroom and made his way downstairs towards the living room. He smiled, seeing his brother in the kitchen. “heya paps!” He called, his mood brightening even more. Papyrus, who was at the dining table pouring over paperwork from work, only gave Sans a nod in acknowledgement without even looking up. His tired sockets strained as he read over briefings and reports. Monsters planned to put together some official sports arenas which meant more places that needed regular patrolling. It was up to him and Undyne to figure out which guards would be best suitable for the particular job. Sans frowned, but knew not to take Papyrus’ response personally. Papyrus had been busy with work lately. On top of taking on more shifts, there was more work being added to the Royal Guard’s already hefty work load. He could only imagine the stress his baby brother was under. Stars he felt like shit for not being able to help… And felt like even more shit for feeling the small sting of anger at Papyrus for not noticing his sexy thinner bones. Fuck he was shallow and selfish… Deciding the least his worthless ass could do was to give Papyrus some peace and quiet, Sans opted not to watch TV in the living room like he planned, but instead decided to use his rarely used laptop. The thing was given to him by Stretch who said he had more than he knew what to do with and that Sans could have it and use it for whatever work he needed, but Sans always suspected it was Stretch’s subtle way of saying he should use the laptop to look for jobs. Which he did! It was just… not something he did often enough… Damn why was he so lazy? He hadn’t even been trying, had he? Sans felt a chill within his chest spread and he idly rubbed his sternum with the heal of his hand. So much for his good day… He might as well vegetate on the couch like the useless sack of trash he was. Sans promptly grabbed the laptop and a pair of headphones off the coffee table where he always left them. Looking at the laptop reminded Sans of all the work he could be looking for, but never put the effort into doing. It was a constant reminder of his failures slapped in his face. Because of that, Sans left the laptop out in the living room, not wanting it staring him in the face every day in his bedroom. Papyrus usually got better use out of it anyway. With fresh self-deprecating thoughts running through his head, Sans plugged the headphones into the laptop (remembering to keep it quiet for Papyrus) and ready to drown out his mind, before opening a streaming webpage. What to watch… what should a useless, disgusting, waste of space waste his time on- oh… Sans’ sockets widened as he noticed one of his favorite streamers were live. Hesitantly, feeling guilty for watching something he would enjoy while Papyrus slaved away over work papers, he clicked on the stream and began to watch the streamer play some game. The game looked horrible. But that was probably the point. The controls looked wonky and the streamer struggled to perform the most basic of tasks. Their commentary and struggles, but at the same time pure enjoyment of the game, caused a hesitant smile to crack across Sans’ skull. Heh, this was… pretty entertaining. It was okay for him to watch, right? Papyrus was working so hard. He wasn’t doing anything productive, but at least he wasn’t burdening Papyrus. That had to count for something, right? It was a weak reasoning, but Sans decided to continue watching. He tried not to enjoy himself too much. A silent repentance for his uselessness. But, the longer Sans watched, the less guilty and shitty he felt about himself. Slowly, his worries and anxiety faded away. Almost as if he was asleep and dreaming. The stream was entertaining and captivating enough to hold Sans’ interest. His mind didn’t have a chance to wonder. With his attention hooked, his mind didn’t have a chance to scream at him, or scold him like it wanted to. “heh look at these guys.” Sans smiled a little brighter as the streamer invited their friends to play, letting others enjoy the frustratingly poor controls as everyone struggled not to let their characters die. Hilarity ensued as one of the streamer’s friends began to actively sabotage the rest. Screams of dismay and playful frustration shouted over the stream. “hahaha! These guys are so stupid!” Sans felt tears spring to the corners of his sockets. More shinanigans played out making Sans laugh more. True joyous laughter left Sans’ mouth, unable to hold back as he lost himself to the entertaining stream. Stars when was the last time he laughed this hard? When was the last time he even laughed? Sans wiped at the stray tears as he chuckled. “hehe aw man!” “SANS!” Sans froze and quickly looked up to see Papyrus staring at him from the kitchen, his tired sockets narrowed and a deeper than normal scowl graced his skull. “y-yes boss?” Sans blinked and did his best not to let his bones tremble. That tone was one Papyrus hadn’t used since they were underground. To say that it brought back painful memories was an understatement. Sans struggled to keep his body from moving the way muscle memory dictated he should, just barely holding himself from standing in attention. The glare alone made Sans’ body war with itself. Part of him wanting to appease Papyrus, the other part wanting to instantly flinch and hide. Sans had to remind himself his brother wasn’t like that anymore. They weren’t underground so Papyrus wouldn’t strike him for no reason, nor would he yell at him without good reason. Papyrus seemed to notice the tension in Sans’ bones and his scowl immediately softened. Stars it was hard not to fall back on old habits when he was tired and stressed. He knew better than to snap at Sans, but he did it anyway. Guilt gnawed at him as he saw the way Sans’ bones trembled ever so slightly. His anger towards himself burning hotter. With a slow deep breath, Papyrus reeled himself in and leveled Sans with a softer, yet still firm look. “Sans While I Do Love To Hear Your Laugh- I Enjoy Hearing You Happy, Your Laugh Is Just Too Loud. I Need To Concentrate. I Have Work To Do, And You Are Not Making It Easy.” Sans flinched and immediately shrunk in on himself. “oh… s-sorry about dat, boss… i’ll be quiet…” Papyrus sighed at Sans’ reaction, feeling the guilt gnaw at him more. He hated it when he made Sans make that face. He hated that he caused Sans’ stutter. Stars he hated it so much. He didn’t want to scare Sans or push him away. Papyrus had noticed Sans had been spending more and more time in his room. Hell this was the first time he had seen Sans outside his room in weeks. He wanted to reward Sans, but now just wasn’t the best time. He had work that needed to be done. Proposals were due soon, the work had to come first. It couldn’t be helped… Sans waited for Papyrus to go back to work before returning his attention to the stream. Even though the stream was still high energy and as entertaining as before, Sans just couldn’t feel himself get into it. Every joke, every slap stick moment, every poorly timed pun made him want to smile and laugh, but each time a joke was made on stream Sans looked over at Papyrus, worried that he would laugh and interrupt his brother’s work again. He just couldn’t enjoy it like before. It felt like even smiling would make Papyrus upset again. The cold feeling in his chest returned making Sans rub at his sternum again. He didn’t feel like being in the living room anymore… he should just go back to his room… Sans slowly and quietly shut his laptop off and set the device back on the coffee table in front of the TV. He removed his headphones and placed them back on the table as well, where they would be ready for the next time he’d need them. If he’d need them. He didn’t feel like he deserved to laugh and be happy while Papyrus stressed over work. Sans didn’t think it was best for him to be out in the living room anymore. This was afterall Papyrus’ home. He was already taking up space with his bedroom. Best not bother Papyrus in any other spaces in the house. He didn’t contribute, so it was only fair he try and take up as little space as possible. As quickly and as quietly as Sans’ bones allowed him, he got up off the couch and made his way back up the stairs towards his room. Once he had the door closed, Sans felt what little energy he had drain from him in an instant. He hadn’t done much today except get up, take a bath, and sit in the living room, but he suddenly felt exhausted all over. His bones began to shake as if he had been standing all day and the dull ache in his stomach clenched, reminding him that he hadn’t eaten in a long while. He was used to this though. So it didn’t faze him. More than anything, he just felt tired. He wanted to go back to bed… Sans slowly crawled onto his dingy mattress and pulled the covers over his skull to help block out the mid-day sun. Eventually, he shut his perpetually tired sockets and let himself drift off to a dreamless sleep. That’s right, sleeping was better anyway. He didn’t bother anyone with his laughter when he was asleep. He really wished he could sleep forever. He didn’t want to ever wake up… ____________________________________________ The next few days felt like a blur. Or was it a few weeks? Sans couldn’t tell anymore. It felt like days because he counted the times he was awake between bouts of sleep, but the changing weather made Sans realize it was much longer than a few days. Autumn was just around the corner. Stores were beginning to set out pumpkin spice everything as they got ready for the festive season. Somewhere in the back of Sans’ hazy mind, he remembered he should feel excited. Autumn is his favorite season after all. Or at least, it was… Sans found that he just couldn’t get himself excited like he used to. Not for the beautiful trees, not for the brisk weather, and not even for the cozy drinks. Thinking about the time of year that normally made Sans’ soul ease with warmth left him abnormally empty and… cold. Sans rubbed at his sternum with a weak, shaky hand as he tried to rub away the damn chill that was a common feeling in his chest lately. He didn’t like the feeling, but he was getting used to it. He wondered if it had anything to do with his low magic. Probably. Sans’ body had finally realized that growling and aching with hunger wasn’t going to do anything. Sans wouldn’t pay attention to it. So finally after some time, the growling stopped. Sans was grateful for it. It was hard to explain away his stomach growling to Papyrus. He would have to come up with excuses like, he wasn’t feeling well, or it was making noise because he ate human food. Sans wasn’t sure if Papyrus bought his excuses or not, but it didn’t seem to matter. Papyrus had gotten more and more busy with work to notice Sans’ absence from the dinner table. All of Papyrus’ hard work and extra shifts earned the attention of management and Papyrus was given a promotion. Sans was happy for his baby brother. The role was more that of leadership than on the ground work, so it was even safer than the work he was doing before. Even though they were on the surface and violence wasn’t as common as it was in the underground, Sans still couldn’t help but worry about his little brother. The fear that Papyrus could be hurt on the job was ever present, burned into Sans like a scar, one that he would never forget. He was grateful for Papyrus’ new position, even if it did mean that Papyrus stayed in the office late and sometimes went in on weekends. Sans didn’t know why he cared. It’s not like he spent time with Papyrus anyway. Between Papyrus’ work and Sans’ extended sleep schedule, there was never any time for them to spend with one another. Sans wondered tiredly when the last time they had kissed, none the less been intimate. He found that he couldn’t remember… Shrugging the thought off, Sans tiredly turned over in bed, ready to let his exhaustion lull him back to sleep when he heard knocking at the front door. Sans glared at his own bedroom door as more knocking continued at the front. “paps!” Sans weakly called out, his voice scratchy and barely able to carry any volume. There was no answer. Papyrus must be at work. The knocking continued. Was it getting louder? Fuck so much for ignoring it as an option. With a heavy, frustrated sigh Sans forced his tired limbs to move to get out of bed. It took a few tries to keep his shaking legs still enough to work, but eventually Sans managed to get up off his dingy mattress and make his way out his room. The now insistent pounding at the front door continued. “i’m coming! keep yer fuckin pants on!” Sans growled with his weak voice. It held only a fraction of the fury it used to hold. Something that would have made monsters in the underground laugh back in the day if they could hear him now. Sans paused as he looked down at the stairs, the pounding at the front door continuing even after he called out to them to be patient. A small perspiration of sweat began to grow on Sans’ skull as he studied the stairs. He hadn’t gone down the stairs in a while. He honestly wasn’t sure if his legs could handle it. The pounding continued and Sans growled in frustration. It was starting to give him a headache. If he wanted the pounding to stop, he had to use the stairs. Stars knew he didn’t have the magic to teleport. Sans ground his teeth in frustration as he forced his shaky legs to move. As he descended the stairs he held onto the railing like a lifeline. There were a few scary moments when his knees buckled, but for once Sans was grateful for his small stature as there wasn’t much of a fall between his ass and the stair below him. After trudging his way down the stairs, using up more energy than Sans really had to spare, he found himself panting and shaking by the time he reached the front door. Fuck that was difficult. He didn’t even want to think about what it would take to go back up the stairs. The couch very well may be his new home starting today. Sans took a few moments to catch his breath so he wasn’t a huffing mess for whoever asshole it was knocking. Quickly, Sans unlocked the door and threw it open, ready to give the person a piece of his mind before freezing mid scowl. “oh uh, h-hey razz. sup slim.” Sans blinked in utter confusion at seeing his Fell friends at the door. “w-what are you guys doin here?” Slim waved with a shy smile behind Razz who eyed Sans critically. The scrutinizing stare was only there for a split second before Razz easily schooled it away and replaced it with a calm smile. Sans wouldn’t even notice. “Papyrus and I agreed we haven’t seen you or Edge in a while.” Razz began coolly. “We decided to come pay you both a visit.” “o-oh i see…” Sans tried hard not to let the guilt show on his face, doing his best to force his mask up without much preparation. Slim and Razz were some of the nicest friends among their group. Their shared experiences in Fell undergrounds meant they understood each other better than all the other versions of themselves. Sans couldn’t help but frown thinking about how he had completely alienated himself from his friends. He hadn’t text anyone in months. He was sure they had given up on him, or thought he had ghosted them by now. “well s-sorry you guys came all t-the way out here, but paps is at work r-right now, so…” Sans stammered meekly as he kept his gaze low. He felt terrible for being a horrible friend. But he was used to being useless by now… Razz didn’t even bother to look around to confirm Sans’ statement, as if he already knew Papyrus wouldn’t be home. “So it seems.” He continued to smile in a way that was softer than anyone except Slim had seen him do. Razz continued to watch Sans’ body movements and mannerisms closely. He watched the way the other avoided eye contact. He noted the stutter in Sans’ voice. And observed the way Sans’ legs and hands trembled ever so slightly. Razz noted with hidden concern that Sans was noticeably smaller than the last time they saw him. His bones were thinner, making him look small and delicate. A complete contrast to how most Fell monsters tried to make themselves look. The ever-ingrained fear of looking weak made them try their best to appear bulkier and strong. Especially for Sanses due to their short stature. To see Sans so frail looking was raising alarms in Razz. “In that case,” he spoke up suddenly, “why don’t you come with us. We can hang out just the tree of us.” It didn’t take much for Razz to see that Sans wasn’t doing well. He wondered quietly how Edge had managed to let things get this bad. He knew the other had gotten a promotion and was working more now. Back in the underground it was Razz who was the captain of the Royal Guard, not Alplys. He had quickly outranked her and took her position, so Razz had years of practice navigating his relationship with his brother while holding a roll of management. Meanwhile Edge had only been second in command. It was possible Edge hasn’t gotten the hang of his new position yet, nor learned how to properly manage his time. Razz felt his jaw tighten thinking about how Edge may have been neglecting his brother in favor of overworking. Sans felt sweat gather on his skull at the offer. He was in no shape to be hanging out with others. Stars he felt like he was ready to pass out just from going down the stairs. He didn’t have the energy for this. “uh w-well you see i’m…” Busy? Sans’ mind tried to supply sarcastically. Everyone knew he wasn’t busy. He was a lazy, good for nothing that mooched off of Papyrus and lazed around the house all day. Razz wasn’t going to buy that! Sans began to panic as his stalling became more obvious. How could he get out of this? If he hung out with Razz, he’d see how weak he was then bring it up, or worse tell Papyrus which would only cause more problems for his brother, and he was doing his fucking best not to be a burden here! That’s what he’d been working at these past few months! Razz smirked almost evilly when he saw that he had Sans cornered. The best thing for Sans right now was to get him out of the house and get him some fresh air. And maybe a burger or two in him. He would talk to Edge about his brother later. For now, Razz needed to help. “I see there’s nothing going on, so you will come with us.” Razz decided for him and turned while eyeing Sans from his shoulder. “We are headed into town.” Sans flinched and frowned at his feet, his gut sinking as he realized there was no way out of it now. Razz wasn’t asking anymore, he was ordering. And Sans didn’t have the energy to keep his normal asshole mask up. Especially not to Razz. It felt too much like Papyrus giving orders back in the underground. Before Sans could even think, his body was moving on auto pilot, slipping on his crimson sneakers and leather coat. The muscle memory of obeying orders was too strong to fight when his body felt so weak. “y-yes sir…” Sans responded quietly, unable to fight what had been literally beaten in him over the years. Slim offered Sans an apologetic smile as well as an outstretched arm, ready to grab hold of Sans if he lost his balance while putting on his shoes. Slim had mentioned to Razz that he was concerned for Sans. He hadn’t heard from his friend in a long time. Slim knew too well what it was like living with depression and he couldn’t help but fear that Sans had been sucked into a deep rut. Razz, the ever observant one of their pair, caught onto just how concerned his brother sounded. When he called Edge to check in, Edge barely had time to talk, a clear hint that he wasn’t watching Sans close enough to notice if something was wrong. Concern winning over manors, Razz decided to stick his metaphorical nose into the other Fell brother’s business. To see for himself if anything was wrong. He was glad he did. Razz quickly schooled his face from any lingering concern and stood straight. He waited for Sans to stand back up and lock his front door, now dressed in black sweat pants, a grey sweater, and his normal black leather jacket. “Papyrus, Red, we are off.” He stated which was Slim’s queue to teleport them straight to town. Sans had to hold onto Slim’s arm much longer than he would have liked after they teleported. The lingering dizzy spell made him panic, worried that he’d fall face first into the ground literally seconds after leaving the house. It’s not like he wasn’t used to being the passenger of teleports. It was just incredibly difficult not to be affected by the warping of time and space around you when you could barely stand on your own two feet. After a moment, Sans gathered himself and let go of Slim, doing his best not to show his legs shaking. Of course this didn’t go past Razz’s notice. He watched Sans carefully out of the corner of his eye as he began walking down a busy street. “Let’s start with some lunch.” Razz announced as he led the three to a nearby café. Immediately Sans felt his stomach clench and his soul drop. He didn’t want to be a burden and rack up debt with his friends, but he knew Razz wasn’t like Classic or Stretch. He wouldn’t be easily dismissed. If Razz insisted on something, then things were going his way. Sans trudged into the café like an inmate on death row. He wasn’t prepared for all the delicious smells to hit him all at once. All the effort Sans had put into ignoring his stomach wasn’t for nothing though. His body was well trained, and did not let out an obscene growl like it would have months ago. Instead, his stomach simply clenched painfully. Something Sans could easily handle by this point. It was almost second nature. The three made their way to the register to order. Razz didn’t even bother asking if Sans wanted anything to eat, not even giving him a chance to deny or protest, he simply ordered for them. Razz knew his brother’s preferences, and he knew at the very least as long as he got something smothered in mustard it would appeal to Sans. Sans gawked at how Razz completely avoided any chance he could have had to deny the food. Stars this was mortifying. He watched in silent horror as Razz ordered way more food than necessary, racking up the charge even further. Meekly, Sans tried to speak up to catch Razz’s attention. “w-wait razz, i’m really not hungry, y-you don’t need to-“ “Nonsense.” Razz cut the other off as he pulled out his wallet and payed for the entire meal. “Even if you do not eat anything, it is customary to feed your guest on an outing.” Razz stated in a matter-of-fact way. He hoped that by letting the other know that Razz didn’t expect him to eat it made Sans comfortable enough to actually eat. It was a bit underhanded playing with the others mind like that, but he knew that if he gave the illusion of control to Sans, the other would feel more comfortable. Sans frowned and fiddled with the sleeves of his jacket; his eyes glued on his shoes. Razz was wasting money on him even knowing that Sans was an ungrateful asshole that wouldn’t even eat and just waste the food. Stars he was such waste of space. “i’m sorry, i’ll pay you back… i promise…” Sans hated the way his voice quivered. Razz froze after pocketing his wallet, his sockets wide as he looked back at Sans over his shoulder. So he was concerned about Razz spending money on him. But why? Razz’s gaze quickly shot to his brother and saw the way the other frowned and looked away empathetically. So, this was something his brother shared in. He would have to corner Slim later and press the other on the matter to explain it to him. Razz decided not to respond to Sans. It seemed like it was a big deal to the other, so he didn’t want to deny his offer of repayment and down play his feelings on the matter. Instead Razz simply nodded his head in agreement. Not that he was sure the other saw since Sans’ gaze was firmly set on the ground. The three then made their way to a table close to the front window. Slim began to engage Sans, talking to him about tv shows he had been watching and video games he had been playing. Razz observed quietly, sipping on his coffee once their food was delivered to their table. It took Sans a while, but eventually the other began to open up, talking to Slim about games and streamers he had watched. Although Sans seemed more content to listen to Slim talk rather than to talk himself, but his brother didn’t mind carrying the conversation. Throughout the whole interaction, Razz noticed something rather peculiar. Every time Sans looked like he was about to laugh, he’d hide his mouth behind his hand, then force himself to stop. This new quirk of Sans’ was rather concerning. It was almost as if Sans was refusing to let himself laugh. Sure he gave appropriate chuckles whenever Slim told a joke or explained something that was amusing, but Sans made sure to hold back his reactions to soft, quite chuckles. As the lunch continued, Sans couldn’t help but steel glances at the food in front of him. It was a large, thick roast beef sandwich with lettuce, tomato, onion, and lots of mustard. There was a side of French fries too. And even more French fries in a basket in the middle for all to share. Sans kept his hands on his lap under the table as to make sure the others wouldn’t see them shaking, but he felt himself weakly clutching at his pants. The sandwich was just sitting there, staring at him, mocking him with his weakness. Sans had worked so fucking hard to not be a burden on others! He was doing so well! Hell he was even proud of himself for once. So why did Razz have to do this? With each glance at the sandwich Sans’ stomach clenched more and more. His body was trained, so there was the assurance that he knew his stomach wouldn’t growl, but the pain was becoming borderline unbearable. Before Sans could avoid the hunger pains by sleeping. Now that he was out and about, his body was using up more magic and energy than he was used to. His body was screaming for food at this point, and seeing food right in front of him wasn’t helping. Slowly, Sans’ will power chipped away until he eventually caved and raised his shaking hands to grab the sandwich. It was big so it had been cut in half. All put together on toasted bread. With unsteady hands, Sans eventually pulled the sandwich to his mouth where he took the first real bite of food other than crackers in months. The taste was indescribable. Sans wasn’t even sure if he did taste it. He knew it was good, but the second his body made contact with the food, his magic immediately absorbed it. Desperate to fill his empty reserves and starved mana lines. Sans wasn’t one for being dramatic, but the feeling of finally having something in his stomach almost made him cry. Razz and Slim shared a knowing smile with one another, but kindly didn’t say anything. Slim continued to talk to Sans, picking up the conversation as if nothing of note happened. Razz dabbed his mouth with a napkin and sat back watching his brother relax and truly enjoy his time with Sans. The two brothers stayed at the booth and relaxed as Sans slowly ate his meal. The atmosphere was light, the conversations were entertaining, and the food was good. Once Sans had finished his meal, Razz noticed the tired, near exhausted look on Sans’ face. Razz had seen how tired Sans looked right at his front door, but now Sans looked like he was ready to pass out. Razz guessed that Sans’ body was in a food coma of sorts. Even though Sans had only barely managed to eat half the sandwich and a few fries. The fresh energy and magic was working its way through Sans’ bones and now Sans’ body wanted to store that energy rather than exert it further on social interactions and keeping the body awake. Razz had planned a more entertaining outing with other activities in mind, but those plans had changed the moment he saw how weak Sans looked. It was clear further meddling and interventions were needed. As if the fact that Sans barely ate and looked like he just had a feast for a king wasn’t telling enough. Razz was upset that things had gotten to this point, but he was also grateful that they caught it in time. After today, Razz was for sure going to have a long conversation with Edge. “Alright,” Razz spoke up, catching both Slim and Sans’ attention. “I think it’s about time we all go home. Papyrus, take us to Red’s house so we can drop him off. You and I have our appointment to keep later today.” Slim frowned a little that he would have to say goodbye to Sans, but he knew his brother was using their code word for too much social stimulation. Since Slim hadn’t given his brother the signal, he knew the code was for Sans’ sake. Since that was the case, he was simply happy he got to spend some time with Sans at all. Slim then stood from the booth and offered his hands to both Razz and Sans. Sans blinked tiredly in confusion. Hadn’t Razz wanted them to hang out more today? He said they would start the day with lunch, insinuating there was more. Sans tried to think about it, but he found himself too groggy to keep his mind on the topic. His sockets felt heavy and his skull kept nodding forward. He knew he wasn’t doing a good job of hiding how tired he was, but he was too tired to care. Heh, Slim would laugh at that. Slowly, Sans nodded and agreed with Razz. He then reached out and took Slim’s hand and used it to help himself stand. His legs still shook, but Slim’ firm grip helped Sans feel comfortable enough that he knew the other wouldn’t let him fall. Razz made quick work of disposing their trash and quickly made his way back to his brother’s side. The second Razz’s hand made contact with Slim’s, they were teleported back to Sans’ house. Sans stumbled a bit on the landing, but Slim pulled him close so he fell against the taller skeleton’s chest rather than the harsh ground. “oph! s-sorry, slim…” Sans stammered out an apology as he tried to right himself. He felt a hand on his arm, firmly yet gently guiding him to stand straight. He knew from the grip alone it was Razz. “Do not worry about it.” Razz dismissed any worries Sans may strike up. “And thank you for coming out with us. We had fun.” Razz finished with a kind smile he only showed to his brother and their Fell friends. He wanted to emphasize that Sans’ company was indeed wanted and enjoyed. Not that he even gave Sans a choice, but the illusion of choice was everything in this delicate situation. Even Slim smiled and nodded along. Though Razz was sure Slim was happier about the lunch than he would ever vocalize. Slim truly did value Sans’ friendship, so he was glad his brother was able to see his friend. “o-oh yeah. i had f-fun too. t-thanks fer lunch.” Sans smiled softly. It was small, but the smile actually reached his eyes. He truly was grateful. He felt better than he had in months. Chatting with Slim was always easier and less taxing than chatting with any of their other friends. He didn’t realize how much he truly missed hanging out with the other Fells till now. The thought, while happy, still gave a sting as it reminded him of how horrible a friend he had been. He really needed to at least text Slim. Do the bare minimum of friendship. He told himself he would try, and make an honest effort. Even though he knew in the back of his mind that he was just a piece of shit and probably would fail at that too. The smile left as quick as it came. Sans’ mind once again riddled with thoughts of how horrible he was. He had burdened Razz with a bill he’d never be able to repay, and forced Slim to do all the work in their friendship. He didn’t know why he was surprised. He was after all a useless piece of shit. But still… for just a few hours, Sans was able to enjoy himself, even if it was only a little bit. Sure he didn’t deserve it, but he was still grateful. “Take it easy.” Slim smiled and waved goodbye. Both Razz and Slim watched as Sans shuffled to the front door and wave goodbye himself. It wasn’t until Sans’ door had shut did Slim lower his hand and look down at Razz with all the worry he had been holding back all afternoon. Razz returned the look and placed a gentle hand on his brother’s arm as to comfort the other. “I know…” Razz agreed to the silent conversation their looks alone gave. And suddenly, with a click of a door, Sans was alone again. He gave a heavy sigh once he was inside, feeling his body tremble with the ache of not only staying awake for so long, but standing as well. But still, as much as Sans’ mind tried to remind him that he shouldn’t have gone out, that he didn’t deserve to go out, he was still kind of glad he did. Was it him, or did the house always look so dark? Either way, it didn’t matter. Slowly, Sans took off his coat and shoes and laid them by the front door. He didn’t have the energy to put them away properly and he knew laziness and messiness was on par with his uselessness, so it wasn’t like Papyrus would notice. As Sans shuffled across the living room, his eyes landed on the stairs. He stared them down with trepidation, but the call of sleep and the promise of his bed was too much to ignore. So, with slow careful steps, Sans began to make his way up the stairs. Honestly, it felt like climbing a mountain. Sure seemed that way with how much huffing he was doing. More than once Sans’ legs gave way, but his grip on the banister saved him. By the time Sans reached the top he was out of breath. It took him a while of just standing there, holding to the upstairs railing. His body ached, screaming at him to lay down, but before he could go to his room and do just that, there was a click at the front door. Sans looked back down just in time to see Papyrus come home from work. Huh, he was actually home on time today. Maybe they would actually have time to be together? Sure Sans didn’t have the energy to do much, but maybe they could cuddle or relax together? Sans wondered when the last time he and Papyrus had spent any time with each other over the past few months. “heya paps. welcome home.” Sans greeted from the top of the stairs over the ledge with a small, tired smile. Papyrus froze when he heard Sans voice as soon as he stepped through the door. He looked up with a shocked expression, genuinely surprised to see Sans up and out of bed. “SANS? WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP?” Ouch. Sans’ smile vanished at Papyrus’ tone. Had he really been sleeping so much that being awake surprised his brother? A bitter thought crossed Sans’ mind as he wondered how Papyrus would even know how much he sleeps considering he’s almost never home. The thought, though brief it was, immediately caused a sting of guilt. Papyrus wouldn’t be out so much working if Sans wasn’t such a lazy piece of shit and actually helped with the bills. Fuck he was useless, and now he was being ungrateful too. That familiar chill permeated inside Sans’ chest and he once again rubbed at it with the heal of his hand. “uh i w-was actually just about to g-go back to bed… i was j-just up for some water…” Sans found himself lying. He didn’t know why. He just had a feeling that even if he told Papyrus the truth, he felt like Papyrus wouldn’t even really care what he did or about his day. It would just be annoying chatter when he knew his brother was probably busy with more important things, like work. Papyrus regularly brought work home with him. If he wasn’t working late, he was working at home. “OH…” Papyrus relaxed and began to unbutton his work uniform, not even questioning the answer Sans gave him. “WELL, GOOD NIGHT THEN.” He responded without even looking at Sans. Sans watched as Papyrus walked upstairs, past him, and into his own room without saying another word. Sans waited until Papyrus’ door was shut before quietly whispering, “goodnight…” back. Without any further interaction, no hug hello, no kiss goodnight, as per their new usual, Sans made his way to his own room and shut his door. Honestly, he didn’t know why he thought tonight would be any different. It was as if there was a magical threshold at Sans’ door, because as soon as Sans was in his room, he collapsed immediately, just barely making it to his bed. His eye lights guttered out and sleep was instantaneous. As soon as Sans’ body relaxed, it shut down. He was finally, finally able to take the strain off his bones. He had used up more energy today than he had in months, and now he was ready to resume his plan of avoid being a burden to Papyrus and others by sleeping. Sans loved to sleep. He really did. He didn’t have to think about how horrible of a friend he was, he didn’t have to think about how much of a burden he was on his brother, he didn’t have to think of how useless, how annoying, how disgusting he was. He wasn’t a leech in his dreams. He wasn’t a waste of space in his dreams. In his dreams, he could be out of everyone’s way. Sleep… Sleep truly was amazing. Sans wished he could sleep forever. He never wanted to wake up.