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It had been a long time since Solas had been with a woman.It was the only explanation he could find for his reaction to the Inquisitor- a response so powerful that he felt the urge to flee. Perplexed by his lack of discipline, Solas stared intently at the elven woman, wondering why her mere presence was enough to ignite such a raging heat within him.She was undeniably lovely, with her soft green eyes that reminded him of the first day of spring, and skin so fair it was delicate to touch. When he saw her, her hair was piled into a loose bun atop her head, and he imagined removing the pins holding each strand in place and running his fingers through its silky mass. She wasn't the first woman he'd found attractive, and she wouldn’t be the last. He'd met plenty of women who'd caught his eye. Yet none of them possessed a quality that suppressed physical beauty - a hint of passion contained beneath her cool exterior. And it was that passion that drew him in like a drug-infused dream, one he couldn't escape even if he'd wanted to. Damnit. But he really was an idiot to give in to such ridiculous thoughts.Across the room, IIyana stood just beneath the threshold, fidgeting with her hands. She was thankful that the shadows hide her from his intense stare. Her gaze traced all six feet of stubborn elven glory, muscled lines hidden beneath homespun wool, and now fell upon his lips, which were well-shaped but held too rigid. She looked beyond the lips that did not smile and saw… a softness there... a curiosity and warmth that had not been there a week ago. A softness, she hated to admit, that sent her heart racing. The only explanation IIyana could provide for her unexpected response was that Solas had saved her life twice now. The first was when she was found unconscious at the Temple of Sacred Ashes. The second, when he found her in the Fade after the fall of Haven. The memory of the last event still burned in her mind and was the reason why she sought him out in the first place.Relieved that she had an explanation for her unsettling emotions, IIyana stepped into the rotunda. "Hello, Solas," she greets.Her voice was soft and gentle as it carried across the room and he managed a simple hello in response. IIyana waited for a rebuttal and when it didn’t come, she crossed the room and made her way to where Solas stood by his desk. Immediately, he began to panic, his heart racing a mile a minute, and he clasped his hands behind his back, biting the side of his cheek to control his reaction. "I'm sorry," IIyana said, noting his frown. "Am I interrupting?" Solas looked startled. "Yes - I was in the middle of --" At the look of IIyana's disappointed face, his heart leaped. "I mean, no." He added quickly." No, you are not interrupting. The research can wait." "Are you sure?""I'm quite sure." Her mouth rounded into an, ‘oh’, then to his surprise, a small blush crested her lovely cheeks, lighting her vallaslin on fire. "I was passing by and thought you would like to join me for a walk, perhaps on the battlements." She rambles, annoyed that her question sounded more like a statement."Why?"Her eyes widened and he regretted his reply immediately. He knew he'd offended her, had seen the fire blazed behind her eyes before it was quickly replaced with a cool, stern look of contempt.
Damnit, will he never learn?
Chiding herself for seeking Solas out, especially when she knew it wasn't a good idea, IIyana sniffed and put her chin in the air. "You don't have to, Solas. I was only asking if you'd like to." "Are you asking or demanding, Inquisitor?" He asked. His tone carried a hint of moral virtue and cocky stubbornness that immediately triggered her - reminding her of the day they discussed the Dalish. "Well, this was a mistake," IIyana sighed, shaking her head. "Never mind Solas. Sorry to have bothered you. Good day." She turned around and headed back towards the door leading to the main hall, all the while muttering incoherently under her breath. From behind, she heard Solas scrambling after her. She reached for the doorknob, twisting it open when his hand shot from behind, palm pressing firmly against the wood and pushing the door close with a bang. "Solas! What are you --?""Inquisitor," he interrupted. "You have a bad habit of making assumptions.""And you have a bad habit of being an ass."He lifted a brow. "That flaw only applies to you, in case you haven't noticed.""I'm flattered.""You should be, IIyana."IIyana flushed and stared at the door. It was the first time Solas had said her name out loud, other than in the Fade. It sounded different coming from him - softer, more intimate. Heat gathered at her belly, and she felt warm all of a sudden. "Now, would you like to ask again? Perhaps, with a more gentle tone?" He leaned close, so close that she could smell parchment paper and ink and a hint of mint.She bit back her protest. She was all too aware of him. Her thoughts trailed off to places they shouldn't, her blush deepening. She pressed her lips firmly together as if she were afraid of saying anything. All the while, her stomach did three silly flips.He couldn't resist teasing her. She made it too easy for him to prick her temper. "It's not every day I leave a woman breathless." Her blush disappeared immediately and she glared at him.He chuckled softly and took a step forward, as she pressed into the wall. Solas thought her lovely before, but how was it that he's never noticed her freckles until now? They were faint and sprinkled across her cheeks, spreading in no particular shape or pattern, just like the stars at night. He wanted to reach out and trace them with his thumb. "Are you still up for your walk? I'll be more than happy to accompany you."Nervously, IIyana bit her lip. "Yes. I would like that very much. It's important I find common ground with you.""I didn't realize you hadn't."Her eyes widened a notch." Seriously?""Seriously," he grinned."Need I remind you that you called me a spoiled Dalish brat.""You were acting like a spoiled Dalish brat when you called me an Old Bat. I think it's fair to say we're even."She rolled her eyes and redirected the conversation. "Twice now, you've saved my life. I thought the least I could do is try to start over with you. This time on friendlier terms. Cullen made the suggestion after we arrived at Skyhold." But I don't want to be your friend . He is both surprised and annoyed with his admission, and his response came out harsher than he intended. "And what exactly will this friendship entail?"Taken aback by his tone, IIyana tried to conceal her frustration - it never ceased to amaze her how quick to anger he can make her feel. “By the gods, Solas. It's not like I'm harboring a secret crush on you. Nor am I asking you to bond with me. I won't even ask you to braid my hair after all this is over."He laughed. A masculine sound. One that reminded her of books, maps, and conversations by the fire. "I just wanted to thank you for saving me again. That's all."He stared at her with the strangest expression on his face. Then his lips twitched with amusement. "My apologies, Inquisitor. I'm not often in the company of friends. I've forgotten what it feels like. What would you like to know?"Again, he'd leaned too close. His breath was warm against IIyana's skin, and for a moment, she imagined what it would feel like should he kiss her here and now.
By the Gods, what is wrong with her?
"I'm interested in what you told me about yourself and your studies," she explained. "If you have time, I would like to hear more." Solas stared at her as if she'd grown two heads."It's only a conversation, Solas. That's what people do when they're trying to get to know one another. For example," she stuck her hand out in greeting. "Hi, my name is IIyana Lavellan. Nice to meet you."He looked at her hand but didn't take it. "Solas, stop being so damn neurotic. I'm not trying to smite you." IIyana chuckled. Reaching for his hand, she shook it in greeting, as she'd seen so many shemlins do. "And now you say, Hi - my name is Solas. A pleasure to meet you, too, IIyana Lavellan."She pressed him into giving in, and he felt ridiculous, yet so very alive as he role-played with her. Before long, he is completely smitten. He continued to hold her hand, long after the demonstration was over. "Alright, alright," he grinned. "You continue to surprise me. Let us talk... but preferably somewhere more interesting than this." Of course, they went into the Fade. "Do you bring all your ladies here, Solas? Or just the unlucky ones?"Solas scoffed. "It depends on whether or not you feel unlucky."IIyana bit back her response. Despite the sunny weather, it was bitterly cold, and the biting wind penetrated IIyana's skin as the two of them made their way up the steps leading to the Chantry at Haven. Once inside, they made their way down a long, darkened hallway that took them deeper and deeper underground until they arrived at the cells below. Vaguely, IIyana membered lying in one of the empty cots with Solas watching over her. When she was feverish, he placed a blanket over her. When she was thirsty, a cup with water was placed upon her lips."I sat beside you while you slept," Solas said quietly, "studying the anchor.""I'm glad you were there to watch over me."Solas gave her a small smile. "I didn't think you were ever going to wake up." When she doesn't reply, he turns and is surprised to see her face pained expression. "What's on your mind, IIyana?"His voice was so kind and gentle and soothing that it took a few minutes to gather her thoughts. "It's been a long time since someone has watched over me," she said thickly, hinting at a past that was too painful to share. "It's because of you that I'm alive.""There were moments where I doubted my ability. Cassandra suspected duplicity and would have had me killed if I failed to keep you alive.""Cassandra is like that with everyone," she said and smiled when he laughed. She hadn’t heard him genuinely laugh before, and she thinks she likes the sound of it. "But seriously, Solas. Thank you. You didn't even know me, and yet, you treated me as if I were your own. It's the kindest thing anyone has done for me." The magnitude of her appreciation is etched into her features, and Solas nodded drinking deeply of the unfamiliar emotions stirring within him. “You're welcome." Again, his voice was soft, gentle, and kind. His words touched her in a way she hadn't felt since before her parent’s death. When she came to, they were outside, staring at the breach. "I told myself, one more attempt to seal the rift. I tried and failed. No ordinary magic could affect them." Solas' attention turns to the beautiful, yet haunting swirl of mass that was the breach. "I watched the rifts expand and grow, resign myself to flee, and then - you happened." Blue eyes turned to hers in awe. "It seems you hold the key to our salvation. You had sealed it with a gesture and right then, I felt the whole world change."At his unexpected words, IIyana's gaze snapped to his blue ones, "Felt the whole world changed?" She asks. His eyes grew dark. Whatever IIyana felt, it triggered a response in his body that left him wanting. "A figure of speech," he said huskily."I'm aware of the metaphor. I'm more interested in felt," she challenged. "IIyana …"With a nervous swallow, she dropped her gaze to the ground. "Why did you come after me in the Fade? After Haven, I mean. I thought you hated me.""I don't hate you, IIyana. I never have.""Then why --?" "I don't know," he admitted, more to himself than her. IIyana saw the tension in his lips, the desperation in his eyes, and knew he spoke the truth. She tilted her face to meet his gaze, searching, questioning, and saw that he is just as perplexed as she is. "What is happening between us?" She finally asked, unsure if she was ready to hear his answer. "I felt it after the Fade when I woke up in my tent, and you were there." "Again, I don't know," Solas confessed, but the memory of her waking, the feel of her hand across his cheek, burned in his mind. "I only know that you changed everything."Desire. Yearning. Longing. All were present in his eyes and she was suddenly hit with an undeniable truth - she wanted him. Shit - when did the Old Bat turn into a man, and when did the man turn into a handsome elf who took her breath away? IIyana blinked at him, torn between wishing he would kiss her and wanting to avoid what she knew the kiss would lead to.Solas must have read her expression because his arms reached out and pulled her towards him. She went willingly into his arms as if she could no longer make any sense of whatever was happening between them. He was surprised at how naturally she fit in his arms, how instinctual his hand came to rest at her waist. It'd been so long since he'd held someone that he wanted this moment to last forever. His voice was soft as his thumb brushed her cheek, "Yana…"She turned to liquid at his touch. As if pulled by an invisible force beyond her control, IIyana lifted her mouth to meet his and softly, gently, touched his lips. Her world exploded and she savored the taste of honey and mint. She pulled away, saw his desire-ridden eyes, and then her lips found him again. This time, the kiss lingered and took a long, slow time before building pressure on sensitive flesh. Solas' arms tightened around her waist and she pressed tightly against his chest. She waited for him to take control, she waited for his hand to glide up her back, to feel his lips upon her skin. But it didn’t come. It took IIyana several more seconds before she realized that Solas was as stiff as a board, that he was not responding to her kiss, and she froze. "I'm sorry, Yana," Solas rasped regretfully. His hand moved to her hips, and he gently pulled away. "We shouldn't. It isn't right. Not even here."As if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water at her, IIyana snapped back to reality. Her eyes widened with embarrassment, and she pushed away."I'm - I'm so sorry," she whispered breathlessly. Solas shook his head. He could feel her anxiety spike, and he worried he'd given her the wrong impression. "No! No, please - it isn't like that. I didn't mean --""Oh my gods, oh my gods," she cried, placing a hand out to prevent him from touching her. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know what I was thinking. I shouldn't have done that, I --" "Yana, please. Listen to me." She took a couple of steps back. "How could I have been so stupid. Of course, you wouldn't have brought me here to do that, and I - I am so sorry." He reached for her, but she yanked back. "No, please, Solas. Please - just -just leave me alone." Completely humiliated, IIyana bit her lips and turned away. She ran down the steps leading away from the chantry, through Haven's village, and out its gates. From behind, she heard Solas' call after her, but she was beyond his reach. Seemingly moments later, Solas awakened at Skyhold. He scrambled out of bed and was halfway across Skyhold when he realized what he was doing. It was the middle of the night. Everyone was abed. What would people think if they found out he forced himself into IIyana's room? Besides, he didn't believe she would want to see him at the moment. Releasing a frustrated sigh, Solas returned to his room.Lying in bed, Solas replayed the scene over and over again. Of course, she was humiliated and it was all his fault. Damn it, why is he such a fool?! He should have responded. He should have ravaged her mouth the way she'd scorched him alive with her touch. If only he hadn't been taken aback, struck speechless and motionless when she kissed him. It also didn't help that his mind went completely blank. He had no control over thought or behavior when all he could do was feel.Solas thought back to her beautiful green eyes that reminded him of the first day of spring, of her adorable freckles that mapped across her little nose, of her radiant smile when she took his hand in greeting. Without thought, he traced his lips with his thumb, savoring the warmth of her lips against his. Damn it all. He wonders if he had kissed her, would he have the strength to let her go when Corypheus was defeated? Fenedhis - he really was a fool.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The Herald's Rest was more boisterous than usual, with patrons celebrating the Inquisition's successful campaign in the Western Approach and the safe return of their loved ones just in time for Summerday. After two months away, IIyana and company found themselves three sheets to the wind, huddled around a table upstairs, with Varric providing entertaining re-enactments of his time with the Champion of Kirkwall. Overshadowing their celebration was the rumor IIyana had single-handedly stabbed a high-dragon to death, officially earning her the title, Dragon Slayer, or unofficially , Cutthroat Dangerous – Shank Them Where It Hurts. “I heard she used a spoon,” one man said.“No!,” a woman interrupted. “It was a dagger, the size of her hand.”“You’re all wrong,” said another. “The mighty dragon swallowed her up and she had to cut her way out.” With each passing hour, the story became more ridiculous, more glorious, and IIyana had to laugh at the audacity of it all. What the heck, if it improves morale, she will happily drink to it. Heading downstairs for a refill, IIyana was surprised to see Cullen leaning against the bar, chuckling at whatever Cabot – the tavern’s bartender – was sharing. Cullen had discarded his coat and armor, and his shirt was unbuttoned, teasing at the rigid muscle underneath. His cheeks were flushed, hair disheveled, and the stress around his eyes was gone, along with the tension around his mouth. His usually tamed smile turned into a flirty grin when she approached. "Inquisitor," he greeted. His voice was soft, smooth, like an old bottle of Tevinter Red.She gave him a smile. "Fancy seeing you here, Cullen. I was convinced you didn't know how to relax.""I didn't know you knew my daily routine.""Someone has to watch over you," she countered. Heat radiated off her body as Cullen took a step forward, his elbow touching hers. His sun-kissed skin felt warm to touch, like casting a fire spell for the first time. "What were you two talking about?" IIyana managed to ask. Cabot frowned. "The Military.""Boring things," Cullen insisted with a grin. Again, his voice was soft, smooth. She gave him a warm smile in return and would have gladly continued to stare at him, had Cabot not taken her mug and refilled it. Being away from Skyhold, away from his military drills, and getting some much-needed sun, had done Cullen a world of good. Ilyana thought he looked different - more relaxed. “Did you just get here, or has it been a while?” she asked. She took a swift from her drink, trying to focus on something other than her lingering thoughts."I've only just arrived." Cullen leaned in and whispered. "I told Leliana and Josephine I was here to monitor my men - make sure they didn't overdrink. But I'm really here for the card game.""You rebel.""I learned from the best." His eyes twinkled in response, and he gave her a cheeky grin."You're incorrigible," she laughed and tilted her head. "C'mon, we're upstairs." Raising to his full height, Cullen swept his gaze along her frame and leaned forward, offering her his arm. “I’ve always wanted to do this, IIyana,” he chuckled softly. “Please, allow me to escort you upstairs." She exploded with laughter at his gesture. A reference to an inside joke they both had about charming Chantry boys and the nobility's quirky manners. It was such a gentlemanly thing to do that she couldn’t help but give a shy smile. He was a big man, strong and solid, and she felt delicate all of a sudden. With her best Royan impression, IIyana gracefully dipped into a deep curtsy, her body shaking with mirth at his throaty chuckle. But before she could even take his arm, a disturbance near the front door had heads turning, followed by a haunting silence as all conversation came to a halt. IIyana felt the shiver tingle up her spine first before she noted the tension in the room. It prickled and pulled and set her instincts on fire just as Cabot's surprised expression had her slowly turning around, following his gaze in confusion.From the shadows emerged a tall, dark figure, a silhouette that has haunted her dreams since their disastrous kiss in the Fade. IIyana stiffened, muscles tightened in preparation for a fight as the crowd quietly parted.
Solas.
That damn bastard.
He must have read her mind because his eyes narrowed into dangerous slits, then he took the first step forward, stalking towards her like she was his prey.Despite her best intentions, IIyana’s eyes traced every curve, and every line of his handsome face as the memory of his lips sent a hot flash of desire straight to her core. He was more beautiful than she remembered. She’d never seen him so dark, so dangerously primitive that it was all she could do not to spill her drink on Cullen’s freshly pressed tunic. Solas’ blue eyes found hers, and a small yet predatory smile graced his lips. He was calm, collected, but she could feel his magic spiraled uncontrollably – unhinged, barely contained – and to her utter horror, she became shamefully aroused. Nervous, she licked her lips and stepped forward, a small greeting on the tip of her tongue. “Hello, Solas,” she managed. “It’s been a long time.” His eyes burned her inside out. “How long has it been, Inquisitor?” Two months, three days, four hours, and twenty minutes, if the clock on the wall was accurate. But IIyana wasn't about to admit that. No, she'll never admit that. In truth, IIyana had not seen nor spoken to Solas since their kiss. The kiss that he did not reciprocate. Humiliation flushed her cheeks at the memory, and she’d opened her mouth to answer when Sera’s crackled, inebriated, from above. “Come on, Inky! Tell the Egg the truth.” Sera hollered. "Tell him what you told me." The poor girl was utterly sloshed, leaning too far over the rails, each hand holding a mug, with arms spread wide as if she were about to give a speech. IIyana shot her friend an anxious look. “Sera, come down from there. You’ll fall.” “Hey, Chuckles!” Varric drunkenly announced as he ignored IIyana’s dirty look. “It’s been two months. Two months. The Inquisitor should know. She’s been keeping track of when she'll see you again.” “Holy shit, Varric. Seriously?” IIyana moaned out loud. But Varric wasn’t paying her any attention, he was too busy having a full-blown conversation with Sera, on the second floor - about her and Solas - in front of everyone. “Inky told you what happened, too?” Sera laughed, slapping Varric on the arm so hard that he dropped his mug, the liquid splashing on the guests below. “It was the Fade thing, yeah?” “Definitely the Fade thing,” Dorian's voice drifted from the tables above. “But it was really about the kiss. You should have kissed her back, Solas.” Fucking Traitor , IIyana’s mind screamed.“Kiss? What kiss?!” That from Iron Bull. There was a shuffling sound as if he couldn’t get to the railing fast enough. “Boss,” he bellowed, “you kissed the Egg?” When IIyana shrieked and rolled her eyes, Iron Bull raised his glass to Solas in a salute. “Well, about fucking damn time.” “All of you are being ridiculous!" IIyana screeched loudly. "You're all drunk and misbehaving! And it’s inappropriate to talk about my private life -”“IIyana dear, do be calm down,” Dorian suggested as the group conspired with one another to share what they know. Not wanting IIyana to feel more distressed, Cullen placed a hand on her forearm in support. "Inquisitor, perhaps we should go --"And then all hell broke loose. Solas let out a gut-wrenching growl, freezing IIyana in her place. Stalking forward, he pulled back his right fist and punched Cullen right in his beautiful face. Before she could register what had happened and check on her Commander, IIyana was pulled possessively against Solas’ chest, and he'd fade-stepped out of the room before she could utter a word. Moments later, she was shoved into an empty room, somewhere on the battlements.Scrambling to the opposite end of the room, IIyana tried to catch her breath as she turned her anger towards Solas. "What the fuck! What was that about?" “What the fuck , indeed, Inquisitor." His voice warned her that whatever he had to say, she was going to have to listen whether she liked it or not. He ignored her protests long enough to place wards on the door so that they wouldn’t be disturbed. Oh yes. He was angry all right. Angry with her.It crossed IIyana’s mind that despite his displeasure with her, she knew he would never hurt her. But she wasn’t about to soothe his angst with an apology, either. In fact, she was determined to distract them both from having that humiliating conversation about their kiss. Or lack thereof. “Were you able to complete your research on the shards we found in the Hinterlands?” She asked, hoping he would take the bait. "You’ll be thrilled to know similar ones were discovered in the Western Approach. Cassandra and I believe they are a part of a set.” His jaw clenched. IIyana ignored him. “Have you had dinner? I didn’t see you in the hall when we arrived, and I wondered if-if you had ...” She stammered off as his expression hardened. Tilting her chin, she finally demanded. “What is this about, Solas."Exasperation laced his voice. “Don’t you know, Inquisitor?”Oh, she knew. She knew alright.But she wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of being even more of an ass. She suspected his anger stemmed from her leaving Skyhold for two months and cutting all communication with him. It wasn’t her fault he chose not to kiss her back, and he had no right to bitch about how she chose to process his rejection.“I wouldn’t be asking if I knew,” she answered tartly. “Besides, it’s been a long day and I’m tired. Either you tell me what’s wrong or you step aside so that I can leave.” Raw anger shot through him and Solas’ face twisted into a sneer. Two months of pent-up frustration, hope, and uncertainty and she would dare play this game with him? How typical of her to pretend - to toy with his affections. He will not have it. Solas reached her in three strides, cornering her against the wall. “Tell me, Inquisitor. How does it feel?” He was so close that she could feel the heat of his breath. “How does what feel, Solas?” She hadn’t meant to snap but for some reason, only the Mythal can answer, he had the ability to make her lose all sense of reason. By the Gods, why must everything be so complicated between them? She was tired of it. “Being you.” His eyes blazed. “Are you blissfully unaware, or deep inside, is there some part of you banging on the walls screaming at your arrogance?” “I don’t read minds, Solas. If you have something to say, spit it out.” "How typical of you to pretend otherwise - to reject your faults. I imagined it would be difficult for you to examine yourself with a critical eye. You are Dalish, are you not?" His mouth curled in disgust. "Although I should watch my tongue. I speak to a demi-god after all - The Chosen of Andraste."IIyana gasped at his insult, eyes round with disbelief. He’d judged her with so much venom that IIyana was surprised he didn’t spit at her in disgust. His animosity hurt, his accusation cut her more deeply than she was willing to admit, and she shook her head in denial.“Dalish or demi-god, I never wanted the power, and you know it," she protested.“And yet you took it, did you not?” He countered. “Tell me, Inquisitor, do you enjoy the people’s worship of you? Does it make you infallible?” There was a part of him that was aware he'd overreacted and gone too far, but he couldn't contain the resentment, let alone the bitterness he'd felt over the past two months. If he were honest, he'd admit that he was angry at her for rejecting him. He bent his face closer to hers.“Does it make it easier to see them as fools, easier to bend them to your will?” “Do not confuse me with our enemy," she defended. “I am no more Inquisitor than I am IIyana, and the people’s worship of our cause has not corrupted me. Whatever you think I did, it wasn’t on purpose.” “You say you're not corrupt, but yet you glorified it. Deny it!” He said harshly. "Deny that you enjoy the power you have over people. Deny the thrill it gives you as you campaign for lands, allies, and pass judgment on those who cross you.” He jerked her towards him and said in a terrible voice, “Or the pleasure you gain from manipulating the affections of others into playing your silly game.” “What the fuck are you talking about!” She cried. Despite the animosity between them - which have contributed to months of supercilious and calculating exchanges that followed them straight to the halls of Skyhold – there was a limit to their disagreements. Solas has never spoken to her like this. He has never treated her with such a savage, belligerent hostility.And it hurt. His attack felt personal. And she felt like the lowest of lows.Shamefully, IIyana felt tears pricked at her lashes. "Why are you so angry with me? Is it because I left without speaking to you, or because I returned your letters? Please, please tell me.” She sputtered, driven by sheer desperation, to both understand and defend herself against his allegations. “What did I do to deserve this? If I've offended you in some way, I'm sorry. I -""I saw the way you were looking at him," Solas yelled. "The way you flirted with your dear, fucking Commander . Tell me, Inquisitor, did you kiss him the way you kissed me? Did you let him touch you? Did you allow him liberties you've denied me?" “Flirting! Kiss -- Cullin is my friend, and I have never considered him as anything more!” “A friend you took with you to the Western Approach. A friend you entertained while you ignored me!"She gave him a puzzled look, trying to process everything at once. Her anxiety spiraled out of control, and she tried desperately to manage it by soothing his wrath.“Solas, I don’t know what else I can say to convince you. Believe me when I say Cullen is only a friend.” He yanked her towards him and snarled in her face. “You insist he is a friend. Yet you would have let him take you on the fucking floor if he’d offered!” He roared. She gasped. His words rang in the air, echoing like an angry whisper of bitterness and resentment. Then, the implication of what he accused, along with the word whore exploded in her brain, and she went stiff in his arms.She was unable to form thought into words.Unable to speak. Numb. A shameful reminder of how low his opinion indeed was. Her entire face crumbled into gut-wrenching pain, and it dawned on Solas, then and there, that he’d gone too far. Fenhedhis! Why was he so cruel to her? He was a fool, a damn old fool, and he regretted his words immediately. When he walked into the tavern this evening and saw her speaking with Cullen, he’d reacted without thought or care for her wellbeing. Instead, he allowed jealousy to trigger his anger. Allowed himself to lose control. And now this. IIyana didn’t deserve his anger. She didn’t deserve any of the horrible, cruel, things he’d said and done to her tonight. “Yana,” Solas stammered. “I’m sorry -” His words died in his throat as his head snapped back from the force of her blow.IIyana had struck him. Hard. Across his face. Solas barely had a moment to collect his thoughts before the force of her second blow had him staggering back, nearly losing his balance. He thought he might have tasted blood. He caught her wrist before she could strike him again, convinced that she might want to kill him."Stop struggling.” He hissed, holding onto her tightly. "Fuck you, Solas," she spat. IIyana pushed against him, struggling to free her wrists from his strong hold. He heard the harsh sound of her angry breathing - as equally as his heavy ones - and the fight drained from him. “Don’t make me restrain you, IIyana.” “Let me go if you know what’s good for you.”“I said, stop.” “How dare you," she cried, tilting her face to meet him. The ache in her voice pulled at him, and he loosened his grip on her arm. “How dare you speak to me that way, belittle me in such a way that I would have to crumble to my knees and beg your forgiveness! How dare you accuse me of toying with your affections when it was you –you - who rejected me. Yet you behave as though you have a right to claim me for your own.” She pushed him away angrily. “Tell me, how does it feel to be you? To be filled with such superiority and contempt that you would taint those you touch by poisoning them with your hate. Does your hate run so deeply, you would stop at nothing until you’ve shredded me of all dignity? Of my integrity?”She was rambling now, making it known that she was furious by listing his transgressions and throwing them back in his face. She moved towards him, her anger giving her courage until his back hit the opposite wall. “I am not a whore.” Tears flowed freely now, and her eyes softened sadly. “I am not a whore…" she insisted, but her throat had closed up, the hot ache swelling, becoming nearly unbearable.Solas gazed at the beauty before him and he was afraid to move, afraid to speak. He was afraid to shatter whatever remained of their fragile relationship. “IIyana,” he said softly. She glared at him, and he hesitantly reached out. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She flinched but did not pull away when he took a step forward. Never in his long life had he ever treated anyone with as much viciousness as he had her tonight – not even the Evanuris when he discovered they’d murdered his friend. He was remorseful, ashamed of his behavior. No amount of atoning will make up for his ruthless behavior; he’d flayed her raw with his accusation and attacked her character with scorching abandonment. What he did was unforgivable. “IIyana, look at me, please,” Solas begged.A minute passed.Two. Three.Then he let out a sigh of relief when she brought her eyes to meet his. Solas had always admired her ability to see reason, even when her emotions were justified, but he knew she would not make it easy for him. Although he was also relieved that she was willing to listen. IIyana's face twisted into an expressionless mask, and she tilted her chin, waiting.“Forgive me,” he said softly. “The things I said, they were unwarranted.” “Yes, they were. You're such a fucking asshole, Solas.” She hissed.“Yes,” he quickly agreed. "Yes, I am.” He would happily agree to anything if it meant she'd stopped crying. IIyana sniffled, secretly appreciating his honestly. “Sera was right. She said you were too much of an Egg to understand anything.” "That too," his lips twitched in response. "I'm sorry."She wiped her tears. "Dorian will never believe you apologized.""I can apologize to him in person if you like.""No, he’s too dramatic, and you won’t hear the end of it.” She gave him a small smile. He gave one in return.IIyana took a deep breath, contemplated her options, while searching his gaze for deception before releasing the tension from her body when she found none. She had every right to be angry but in all honesty, she was also tired of arguing. So she decided to meet him halfway. “I’m ready to talk when you are,” she suggested. Solas hesitated for a moment before admitting, “I was angry.” There was a part of him that felt it may be too risky to tell her the truth but in the end, he felt he at least owed her an explanation for his behavior. “More so at myself than with you, IIyana.”Her eyes rounded into round, green saucers, as if she were saying, no shit. “Well, that’s good to hear. You were a complete jackass.” “I won't argue with that assessment." "And you punched Cullen for no reason.” She chastised and remained stern when his jaw tightened. “He was only trying to comfort me.”“I believe ... I might have been jealous,” he answered truthfully. Surprised, she tilted her head. “Jealous? Of who? Cullen? But why?” He arched a brow, and her eyes widened even more. “Oh,” she said—a hint of pink spreading across her cheeks in embarrassment. “Yes,” Solas confirmed, equally flushed. “The feeling was unfamiliar, and I’m afraid I reacted rather than admit how I felt.” “More like overreacted," she corrected.“Can you blame me? The man has fantastic hair. No one would blame me for envying him.”IIyana blinked a couple of times, unsure if she’d heard correctly, and then her laughter exploded into the room. The sound echoed brightly, cleansing it free of shadows and doubt.“He does, doesn’t he? By the Gods, he must spend hours on it. I can never compete with those golden locks.” "I disagree," Solas replies. “Your beauty outshines millions.” His confession is unexpected and surprises them both. She bit her lip nervously and tilted her head slightly to the side, searching his gaze. “Thank you, Solas. For your apology.” She said softly. Without thought, her hand came to rest upon his chest, his muscle jumping slightly underneath her touch. His heart quickened, his gaze turned intense, and she wonders what would have happened had she stayed at Skyhold. What would have happened had she met him that morning instead of running off to the Western Approach? Suppose she had replied to his messages instead of returning them unopened? But her thoughts were interrupted by a loud pounding on the door, followed by a series of muffled voices. The pounding continued until IIyana yelled, asking for an additional five minutes. Solas shrugged, raking his eyes over hers. He knew their time was over. “I apologize for taking so much of your time, Inquisitor. They’re worried about you. Allow me to take you back to the hall.”IIyana nodded in agreement but she made no sudden movements. Neither did he. She stared silently, mouth dry, and, for the first time that night, allowed her defense to fall. He must have felt it too because he continued to study her with -- no, he devoured her with his eyes. Like a wolf moving in for the kill. Without thought, Solas’ hand moved to the side of her neck. He could feel her pulse pounding under his thumb. He kept his touch gentle. Then his arms went around her waist, pressing her against his solid chest. One hand gliding up to grip the silken heavy mass of her braid, angling her head as he whispered her name. He waited. She breathed heavily.Solas leaned in, captured her lips, and then the whole world exploded into an endless ray of sunshine, colors, and stars. The world righted itself with her kiss and he could no longer deny that he’d lost the battle long ago. He sighed against her mouth and tightened his hold, loving the feel of her against his body. He’d never felt like this before – to be pulled in with such hunger that he wanted to taste the rest of her. He heard her whimper, and he deepened the kiss. Her sigh of pleasure mingled with his growl of need. He trailed soft kisses along her cheek and down to her chin, before bringing them back to her lips. It surprised him how natural it came to him to be kissing her like this, even before thoughts could form in his brain. Another pounding at the door. This time, a muffled threat from Dorian stated she had exactly sixty seconds before he barged in. Regretfully, Solas broke the kiss. “You should go. They’re waiting for you.” He said, nibbling on her bottom lip, reluctant to let her go.But IIyana shook her head. “Again,” she pleaded against his lips, “just like that.” And he obliged. Swooping down to capture her lips, Solas confessed what he could not vocally through heat and lust, tenderness, and greed. Each touch, gasp, and moan was a plea for forgiveness, and she accepted each wholeheartedly. He’d never imagined she would yield like this, each response so natural and giving that he was on the verge of losing control. Erotic images of the two intertwine in lust and heat forced him to pull away.“We have to stop,” he said. His breath was ragged, just like hers, and he let out a heavy sigh of regret when IIyana nodded and drew away from his arms. Solas stepped aside to unlock the door while IIyana took advantage of the reprieve to gather her thoughts. Once he was calm, Solas turned to IIyana, a warm smile on his lips. “Are you ready?” he asked softly. The welt on his face was already swelling; it would bruise soon.IIyana gave him an apologetic look. “Solas … your face. Let me heal it first.” He shook his head. “I'll keep it as a token of my mistake.,” he said. Then his mouth curved into a tender smile. “I'm glad you're home, Yana. I've missed you.” “As have I,” she admitted truthfully. He flushed slightly. “Good night, Yana. I'll see you tomorrow.” And like that, he left her alone to process her feelings and the changes in their relationship.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
As IIyana scanned the dispatch confirming Magister's Erimond's whereabouts and his alliance with Warden Clarel, she couldn't help but think what a fucking mess the situation had turned into. She thought back to Stroud's statement that many of the Wardens have begun hearing The Calling , and she made a mental note to check on Blackwall, before tossing the report on top of her desk and heading downstairs for lunch. Since her return, her schedule had kept her in meetings from sunrise to sunset with little time for personal engagement and she happily accepted Dorian's invitation to accompany him for a walk. The past three days have been a twirling wave of anger, dread, fear, and relief, rebounding from absolute certainty to undeniable dread. She found herself heading to the rotunda many times but her courage would dissolve at the last minute and she would redirect her steps in the opposite direction. When she did catch a glimpse of Solas, her heart would constrict and beat widely with an intense yearning and she would have to distract herself with whatever she was doing to refrain from chasing him down. Yesterday evening, she found herself outside his bedroom door, hand raised to knock, but her courage disintegrated and she quickly retreated back to her room.Too many nights since her return, IIyana found herself wide awake, tossing and turning, and helpless to ward off the memory of Solas. The warmth of his body as his arms tightened around her waist, pulling her against his chest. The feel of his lips as they captured and claimed her for his own. ‘I felt the whole world change,’ he’d told her in the Fade. And she equally agreed that he did the same to her. No matter what she tried to do, something always brought her back to him.In those final moments before dawn, when yearning turns to lust, IIyana finally yields and finds release with her own fingers. And when she does erupt with pleasure, it is his name that she cries out loud as her body shatters. Only later does her heart constrict painfully, when she realizes she is alone. But then a fragile spark of hope will naturally trickle into her heart, as naturally as her own breathing, and she would allow herself to imagine a life with him."You're doing that thing again," Dorian said, pulling IIyana away from her thoughts. The pair had circled the battlements twice before she realized they were making their way down the steps leading into the gardens."What is that I'm doing, Dorian?" She asked softly. "Avoiding." He added."I don't know what you're talking about.""Just admit, IIyana. You have feelings for him.""How about I happily strangle you instead?" She suggested. "I'll just come back and haunt you," he threatened with a grin. "Then you will have two people to keep you up at night."She gritted her teeth in response and the pair continued in silence until they rounded the corner."You should speak with him." He finally said. He was concerned about her, he had not missed the dark circles that have appeared underneath her eyes since she returned home."In case you haven't noticed, I have been busy." She was walking ahead and felt him reach for her, pulling her to a stop."We've all been busy, chasing Grey Wardens and Venatori all over Thedas." He countered. "All I'm saying is, as your friend, your best friend , you should talk to him. At least hear him out so that you both can sleep at night.""And say what?" She glared. She was talking with her hands now - she did that often when she was stressed. "Besides, he's busy. I can't just sweep in, interrupt his research and talk about -- whatever this is.""You can." He reassured her. "Just admit that you are equally as afraid of whatever this is, as he.”Dorian was right, she was afraid. But she wasn’t about to admit that she was afraid of her feelings for Solas. By the Gods, no way was she going to admit that. It was too soon."Alright, if you can't talk to him, then talk to me." He suggested, tilting her chin. "What is happening between you two?""I don't know."“There has to be more than, I don’t know , IIyana. No sane man would enter a tavern, punch his rival in front of a crowd, then whisk you away to scream at you without harboring some kind of affection.” "That's just it, I don't know. He kissed me and now I don't know what this is anymore. We were easy before but now it’s... weird. " Dorian chuckled softly. “I’m amazed at the level of denial here.”He didn’t miss the snarky look she gave him and amusement gleamed brightly in his eyes. He knew her well enough to know when she was troubled - he’d seen it too many times to count when she was processing a possibility to make a decision. With that said, he could tell by her behavior that she was troubled by whatever it was she was feeling towards Solas and his heart went out to her. When it came to romantic matters of the heart, Dorian knew a thing or two."How does he make you feel?" IIyana cocked her head to the side. "What do you mean?""When he kissed you.""Why does that matter?" She stepped back, cheeks pink, eyes downcast."Because the man is enamored with you. I've seen the way his eyes follow you when he thinks no one is looking. Now tell me, how was the kiss?"IIyana gave him a horrified look as if embarrassed to be speaking of such things. She began pacing, raking her fingers into her messy hair, and she opened her mouth as if to speak, then closed it, and opened it again. She was a mess and deliciously unaware of what had been obvious to everyone since she crossed paths with Solas. The poor girl was still struggling to form thoughts into words and Dorian threw his head back in laughter. "Oh, my … I didn’t realize.”“Please stop. It’s embarrassing.”His shoulders shook and his eyes gleamed in triumph. She glared then. "Are you going to listen or just stand there and laugh?""By all means."IIyana rubbed her face with her hands. "The kiss was … like nothing I had ever experienced before. It was - it was as if he -" Her voice trailed off into a frustrated sigh. "You don't understand, Dorian. I’m the Inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste. I have miraculously survived the wrath of an angry God, fought against demons and Red Templars alike, and I have met every battle with ruthless bravery that leave my enemies shaking in their boots. And yet --" her voice hitched as if it were difficult to breathe, "and yet this... arrogant, self-centered and condescending man had the audacity to kiss me and... and it... made me feel...""Go on..." Dorian encouraged tenderly."Beautiful." She was awe-struck as if she had discovered something new. "I have never felt anything like that before. No one has made me feel anything like that before.""It sounds like your original assessment of him has changed?""It has, and now I find myself thinking about him all the damn time ." She said, placing emphasis on the last four words. "I don't know what to do or what I should say. I’m a damn mess and all because of a damn fucking kiss.""You should speak to him. I believe he would welcome the opportunity to explain how he feels, too." Before she knew it, Dorian's arm slid gently around her. "Why is this so damn complicated?" She murmured against his chest."Because I think you’re in love, IIyana."She tilted her head in confusion, blinking several times as if to process the meaning of his words. Then, to his delight, her face constricted into sheer horror and her head snapped up, eyes searching his for another answer. It was the most entertaining thing he'd witness in a long time. "Oh...SHIT," she said with a shudder. He chuckled, unable to help himself. "It's about time you admit it, too." Solas was making his way back to the rotunda from Cullen's office when IIyana's laughter drifted into the air. He followed the sound like a love-sick fool, heading in the direction of the garden until he found the source of his curiosity. She was sitting in the middle of the garden, her head bent, surrounded by several of the castle's children. Whatever she was reading had them all groaning out loud when she read the last page and closed the book. The afternoon sun was streaming into her hair and she appeared ethereal. He thought she never looked more beautiful. He wanted to go to her, to join her in afternoon bliss, to share her laughter. But the memory of his erratic behavior held him in place. Although IIyana had reciprocated when he kissed her, she had not sought him out in the past three days. He wondered if she’d come to her senses and regretted their last meeting. He could feel guilt gnaw at him. He wouldn't blame her if she hated him."She doesn't hate you," Cole said softly.Not surprised at his intrusion, Solas offered Cole a greeting but did not tear his gaze away from IIyana. "Lovely. She is so lovely. Yearning. Craving. A rush of hope in the darkened night. She is so bright, a light to guide him home. But why are you afraid?""Those are my private thoughts, Cole," Solas said."But she yearns too." He added. "His lips are warm, gasps, please, her heart sings. I feel so beautiful. Again, just like that. I want – wa. What happened? Where did it go?""Forgive me, Cole." Solas sighed, directing his gaze to his companion. "Although you are a spirit of compassion, I must insist that you refrain from interfering.""But you’re both hurting and I want to help."Solas gave him a disapproving glare and the young man hesitated before disappearing altogether. By then, the children had left and IIyana was standing alone, clutching the book to her chest, staring straight at him. Her eyes held his for a moment and then they softened, and she gave him a lopsided smile, raising her hand in greeting.He searched her eyes for any signs of distress and when he found none, Solas raised his hand in greeting. He had pictured in his mind a thousand ways to respond to her when she did finally seek him out. But he was not prepared for the feeling that exploded in his chest, sending a shockwave of pride through his system as he waited with breathless anticipation for her to reach him. The reality that he may have gone and fallen in love with IIyana was unexpected, yet he did not push the thought away. “Hello,” she greeted, striving not to let him know how nervous she was.His gaze followed the outline of her hair. It was longer now and braided loosely atop her head. He wondered if it were just as soft as he remembered. He was surprised when she avoided his eyes, as he’d never known her to be shy. A flush of pink spread across her cheeks, revealing a shy, feminimat part of her that accentuated her loveliness. She can be abrasive, callous, fatalistic in nature, but he’d never seen her so nervous. Solas thinks he rather liked this softer side of her. He suppressed the urge to wrap her in his arms and kiss her then and there, in front of everyone. Instead, he gave her a small smile. “Hello. You look well, Inquisitor.”"Thank you. As do you. Have you been well?"“Yes. I’ve been researching the anchor well before dawn."Sounds like you need a distraction. Can I recommend an alternative?" Just you , he thought and was surprised at how natural the words came. “I’m open to any suggestions you may have.” He takes a step closer. “Although for now, I should refrain from punching people in the face. And, I should refrain from making assumptions about you, the next time we argue.” Solas tilted his head to the side and IIyana gave him a tight smile, studying the blueish-green mark on the left side of his cheek. She is embarrassed that she’d marked his handsome face. Even more embarrassed that everyone at Skyhold knew that it was her who gave it to him. Some even wagered that it was a long time coming. But in the end, she knew she shouldn’t have given in to such violence. Taking a step forward, she trailed her fingers along his face. “Not that you didn’t deserve it,” she said softly. “But here, let me.” Soft, white magic glowed between her fingers and he felt her magic spread warmly along his cheek. It dawned on him then, that in the many months he’s known her, Solas had never felt her magic. Unexpectedly, he turned into her hand, seeking her touch as it rested against his skin like a featherlike caress. The light from her magic illuminated her features and highlighted her skin. When she finished, she didn’t remove her hand. Instead, her green eyes darkened and found his.Solas knew that burning intensity that she felt very well and his resolve broke. He was going to kiss her and to hell with everyone else. "Inquisitor,” the familiar voice interrupted from behind. Annoyed by the interruption, IIyana turned to greet Rylen, who was striding towards them, his attention focused on the report in his hand. “What is it?” She snapped, wishing she could strangle Cullen’s recruit. "Forgive me, m’ Lady" Rylen finally glanced up, taking in the Inquisitor’s frown and Solas’ cool expression. He realized then that he had interrupted an intimate moment and began rambling. "It's Commander Cullen. Sister Leliana's report just arrived with new information about Adamant and he requests your presence in the war room.""Tell the Commander I’ll be there shortly.""Yes, m'Lady," Rylen said, bowing slightly before leaving the two alone. "Right. Right away. Forgive the intrusion."The moment between them had been broken, and whatever would have transpired was interrupted by the reality of their duties. "You should go, Inquisitor. The Commander is expecting you and I have research to attend to."IIyana didn’t look at all like she’d wanted to leave but her duties required otherwise. Bidding him farewell, she turned around and took the steps leading down the main hall. Solas cursed himself a thousand times a fool as he watched her go. Why must he always put duty above everything else? He was just about to call IIyana back when she stopped, turned around, and gave him a curious glance. Then she made her way back to where he stood, motionless. He should really say something to her. He tried to think of anything to say as she approached. Perhaps he should invite her for tea, tell her about his day, or compliment her hair - anything to prolong whatever time they had together. "Inquisi --”“Solas --”“Pardon the interruption,” he said quickly. “Please continue --”“No, no, no. Please I didn’t mean to interrupt. What were you just about to say?”“I don’t … remember,” he admitted. She chuckled softly. “Seriously? I find that fascinating. It’s not every day I leave a man breathless.”He responded with his own chuckle. Only she would throw his words back at him. “You never cease to amaze me, Yana. One moment, you’re striking me down for insulting you. The next, you’re carelessly flirting with me.”“You sound impressed.”“I am impressed,” he admitted. “There are many things about you that continue to surprise me.”“Such as?”He considered her question for a moment. “Such as, you train your will to control magic and withstand possession,” he said with admiration. “Your indomitable focus is an enjoyable side benefit.”She perked up. “Indomitable focus?”“Presumably. I have yet to see it dominated. I imagine that the sight would be… Fascinating”IIyana shook her head and laughed. He spoke as if he’d planned to dominate her. “Oh, trust me. That would never happen. But you can try.” She bit her lip when his eyes narrowed dangerously, like a wolf getting ready to corner its prey. Then she remembered why she’d come back. “I shouldn’t have run away like a coward,” she admitted as if she were tired of pretending that everything between them remained the same.He opened his mouth to respond but she quickly shook her head. “I can only imagine how that must have felt, and then to have all your messages return to you unopened,” IIyana continued. She took a second to gather her thoughts before continuing, "I have spent the past few days reflecting on my behavior and how I handled the situation and I owe you an apology." She was talking with her hands again, a habit he had found annoying, but now interestingly enduring. "I'm sorry, Solas."Her apology was unexpected and it humbled him greatly. It comforted Solas to know that he was not alone in this. "Thank you, IIyana. I would imagine that if you had stayed, the conversation would have been difficult... for both of us. I've also had time to reflect on my own behavior and I, too, apologize for whatever grief it may have caused you."Her eyes searched his and he felt her slight hesitation. It was apparent she wanted to ask him something but she was unsure of how to frame the words. He had never known IIyana to be speechless and he waited patiently until she was ready. Finally, he heard IIyana whisper.“Why did you kiss me?"
Because I have wanted to for a long time.
The thought lingered between them but was left unspoken. She had looked away after she asked her question and he tilted her chin to bring her gaze back to his."I kissed you for the same reason you kissed me, IIyana. I can’t deny our attraction any more than you can." He reached to pull her close and said tenderly. "May I ask you something in return?" At her nod, he continued, "why have you been avoiding me?""Because -- " she stammered. "Because …?”"Because I have never done anything like that before on a number of levels. Because I'm supposed to hate you for the things you said to me. Because I'm embarrassed by my own reaction... when you didn't kiss me the first time."Her confession floored him and his eyes flickered with determination to clarify any doubts she may still harbor.“I wasn’t given the chance to respond, Yana. The kiss was unexpected and it took me by surprise. I never imagined my response would cause you to leave before I could explain, or that you would cut me off from your life completely.” If she’d only known that in his desperation to reach her, Solas had debated whether or not to seek her out in the Fade. But in the end, he’d decided against it. The entire situation was frustrating. She was frustrated. "You appeared unsure then,” he added. “How about now?"Her eyes went soft and glowed warmly. "I find that I don't know what to do when it comes to you anymore.""I believe we are in agreement. All I know is that our relationship has changed and I find myself rather curious.""So what do you suggest we do, Solas. About this?"Solas felt the slightest tug of hesitation, the nagging voice of caution screaming for him to be rational, but the hope reflected in her eyes was all the encouragement he needed.“Have dinner with me, Yana. Allow me to know you.” He waited. A breath or two. And then joy and relief constricted his breath."Alright." She replied.“Tomorrow then? I’ll take care of all the arrangements.” “I’ll be there.” Solas wanted to kiss her then, slow and soft, show her how he felt because he could not find the words to express the extent of her effect on him. Instead, he laced his fingers with hers, felt hers tightened in response, and together they walked into the main hall. If he had learned anything in the past two months, it was that he was done playing games and he believed she was as well. IIyana was a passionate woman, openly affectionate, and loyal. When she loved, she loved deeply. She would expect nothing less from her partner, including him. To follow this path would require unconditional surrender on his part.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
For the first time in her life, IIyana admitted that she might be in love. Truly, deeply, in love.The kind that swept you off your feet. The kind that makes your heart beat. And it felt wonderful.She wanted to shout it to all of Thedas that she might be undeniable, head over heels, in love. She wanted everyone to share the joy that filled her to the core whenever she was swept away by thoughts of Solas.All through the next day, Solas made no further attempts to seek her out, even returning to his collectively cool, usual self. Admittedly, she had wondered if he regretted asking her to dinner but when she did catch a glimpse of him in passing, he would stop whatever he was doing and greet her with a smile, asking about her day.It was mortifying when she was around him. Her stomach would tingle and swirl, spiraling into colorful shapes that made her feel ridiculous, as silly as a young girl gawking over a Dalsh hunter. She would feel flushed, as one would after drinking hot tea during a cold winter morning, and then she would feel as though she were floating, weightlessly into the sky. Something would trigger her senses, too - his smile, his smell, the small twinkle in his blue eyes - and she would find herself smiling like a damn fool. Just smiling as if her thoughts were somewhere other than where she needed to be - which was presently in the war room with her advisors, discussing... whatever it was they were discussing."Inquisitor?""Hmmmm?" She half-heartedly replied."We have been invited to the Winter Palace by Grand Duke Gaspard de Chalons as his honored guests. Without a doubt, this invitation is politically motivated as he bids for the throne. Expect him to seek your favor."She nodded her head in response. She had no idea what Josie was saying but she figured if she continued to smile and nod her head, she could review Josie's full report later. Her three advisers were talking about... the game. .. and whatever they were discussing soon turned heated because she could hear Cullen growling at... her?"Perhaps we should invite Solas to join us. What do you think, Inquisitor?"At the mention of his name, IIyana brought her gaze to Leliana, a confused expression on her face as she took a moment to register what had been said. "I'm sorry, Leliana. Can you repeat that?""She said, ‘perhaps we should invite Solas to join us? ’" Cullen snapped, giving IIyana a disapproving stare. "Maybe he can get you to focus on the threats you will face at the Winter Palace. If you're not going to take this meeting seriously, then I suggest we adjourn until tomorrow morning."Silence filled the air and she flushed with embarrassment while Josie and Leliana shifted uncomfortably. She immediately felt awful. "I'm sorry, Cullen. And to you both, as well." IIyana said, giving her advisors an apologetic glance. "I know you all do so much to ensure the Inquisition’s success and I appreciate all the time and dedication you've invested in our cause. I especially appreciate the three of you, not only for your guidance but your support and friendship as well. I am sorry for being distracted and I thank you for your patience." She directed her gaze to Cullen, "this won't happen again.""Inquisitor, it's quite alright," Josie gave her a reassuring smile. "Perhaps we should adjourn until the following morning as the Commander suggested? We have been at this since dawn.""I am quite tired, myself," Leliana said before she and Josie left the room, closing the door behind them with a soft click. Cullen remained behind, shuffling his papers until he found a clean one and proceeded to write his report. It was obvious that he was frustrated with her and she didn't feel like reading minds today. Solas had exhausted all of her patience in that department."Cullen." She said."What?" He was tired and his tone came out harsher than he intended."Are you alright?""It's been a long day, Inquisitor.""You appeared frustrated with me. I apologize for my behavior, it won't happen again.""It's not that IIyana." Cullen sighed softly. "It's --" He stopped abruptly, shaking his head as if he were having an internal dialogue. Whatever the outcome, he gave her an apologetic sigh. "I'm sorry, Inquisitor. It's been a long day. We can speak tomorrow.""Whatever it is, it appears to be important to you," She said before taking a step forward to reach out to him. He surprised her by grabbing her wrist to keep her at a distance, as if afraid he would hurt her. She saw then how stressed he appeared, and how tired he looked. "Is it - is it the withdrawals?" She asked. Shortly after arriving at Skyhold, Cullen had disclosed his struggles with Lyrium along with the withdrawal symptoms he fought daily. IIyana had supported his decision to refrain from substance use, but it didn't hurt any less to know that he still struggled."No, they are more manageable now. I promised, IIyana." He reassured her with a smile. But his eyes remained downcast, sad. "As I said, it's been a long day and I am tired. We've been training endlessly for Adamant, hence my lack of patience. I apologize for snapping at you""It's quite alright, Cullen. You have nothing to apologize for.""Thank you." He let go of her arm and returned to writing his report. "Good night, Inquisitor. I will see you tomorrow."She waited a minute and when it appeared that he wished to be left alone, she mumbled a soft reply before crossing the room to leave. Something was keeping him awake at night, too and she was worried that he was exhausting himself on purpose in order to avoid confronting it. She couldn't let him wallow in misery. Ilyana returned to the table and waited patiently until he directed his gaze to her. "Cullen... whatever is going on with you, or whatever may be troubling you, please know that I care for you. No matter how big or small the issue is, I am here for you." She assured and waited until he acknowledged her with a nod before leaving him alone to his thoughts.Cullen waited until he was sure she was gone before he released the breath he'd been holding. ‘I care for you and I am here for you.’ How'd he dreamed of her saying those words to him but the context was all wrong. He knew she cared for him deeply, more so than one would a friend, but she didn't carry the same feelings he did for her. And it hurt. In the two months he'd spent with her in the Western Approach, IIyana had awakened old feelings Cullen hadn’t felt since he was a Templar assigned to the Ferelden Circle. He should have known better than to play with Fate and cursed his own stupidity.He had suspected for a while that Solas harbored some romantic feelings for IIyana. The pair argued ruthlessly, yelling and screaming at one another until either he or Cassandra intervened. It became a daily pattern of snide comments and passive remarks until the day IIyana returned from Redcliffe in tears, with Solas following quietly behind her, his face steeled into an expressionless mask. It wasn’t until Cullen read the report that he understood why Solas had called IIyana reckless and shouted at her in front of the entire camp. She and Dorian had disappeared, sucked into a time portal, and reappeared minutes later. But Cullen’s suspicions were later confirmed when she nearly died after the attack on Haven, with Solas turning into a neurotic, overbearing mess who worked tirelessly while barking orders in his attempt to keep her alive. Only a man in love could look at IIyana the way Solas did when he thought her dead. Cullen raked his fingers through his already messy hair and fought the urge to punch the wall. "He asked you two days ago and you are only now telling me?"They were in her room with Dorian sitting on the couch across from her bed, one-foot propped on top the other, arms crossed as he leaned back. He had caught her in the hallway after she left the war room and the two were chatting about nonsense before he finally asked why she'd been so distracted."It's just dinner, Dorian."He scoffed as she gave him a cheeky grin before unlacing her boots to pull them off. He was flustered and she could hear him mumbling under his breath, "’it's just dinner,’ she says.""I'm sorry! I didn't think it was a big deal. It's really just dinner. Please know that you're the first to hear about this.""As I should," he gave her a haughty glance before continuing, "considering how I am your best friend."She walked over to sit across from him and patiently waited until he was finished being dramatic. "You are correct. I have failed in my duty as your best friend to keep you well informed of my pathetic love life. I will do better next time," she promised and smiled brightly as her words cooed him into submission. “Thank you, please do well to remember that,” he said with a smirk. “Now give me all the dirty details - he really asked you to join him for dinner?”"No Dorian, I imagined him doing so.""Impressive..." he admitted softly."Can it be that my incredibly handsome Tevinter has been struck speechless?""To be honest, I didn't think the hobo had it in him!" He stopped fiddling with his mustache and leaned forward until he was eye level with her. "I thought you didn't like him.""I am finding that I like him very much.""I thought you said he was an ego-centric, arrogant, elitist?""Oh, he still is. But don't forget to add pompous ass, too." She rang in. "I will make sure you receive my updated evaluation tomorrow morning.""And what about his sense of fashion? It's absolutely atrocious." He was rambling, making a list of all of Solas' shortcomings and when she refuted everything, Dorian stated the obvious. "But isn't he a little too old for you, IIyana?""I thought you were rooting for us?" She was happy, ecstatic, and no amount of teasing was going to eclipse her joy. Not even from her overprotective and overbearing best friend."I am rooting for you," he said fondly. "Believe me when I say that I am happy for the both of you. But in all honesty, I didn't expect it to happen so quickly.""It?"A tender, loving smile curved before he admitted, "my little IIyana all grown up and going on her first date."His words caught her off guard and if she wasn’t careful, IIyana will be shedding tears in minutes. All her life she'd searched for a place to belong - a family to call her own. As First to her clan, her childhood had been lonely and became more isolated as she came of age and began training for her role as their next Keeper. Responsibility left little time for personal relationships and when she was sought out, it was more for the recognition her status brought. Who knew that because of a crazed demi-god, she would find acceptance and love from a collection of eclectic individuals? The Inquisition had become her family and she loved them all. Pulling him into a hug she whispered softly, "I love you too, Dorian.""As I do you, my friend." He loosened his hold enough to wipe her tears and tilted her chin. "Alright, now enough of this. You have a dinner to prepare for. What are you wearing tonight?"IIyana pulled away in confusion, "what do you mean?""Don't tell me you’re wearing that to dinner?" He scanned her simple blue tunic and grey leggings. When she continued to give him a questioning look, Dorian stood up, muttered an ‘oh my,’ and crossed over to her armoire, pulling it open to scan its contents. He thanked whichever Elven god he could remember as he smiled in appreciation at the collection of beautifully selected dresses - cotton, silk, lace, velvet - Josie had obviously handpickedFrom behind, he could hear her ask about her clothing."IIyana, love," Dorian said over his shoulder. “A man has asked you to dinner. One I suspect may be in love with you. You can’t show up looking as you do every day. Or rather, dressed as if you’ve been sitting in the barn, milking cows alongside Blackwall.”He busied himself by pulling the dresses from their hangers, laying each on the bed with delicate care. The garments were handcrafted, beautifully sewn, and embroidered with gemstones, crystals, and diamonds. Such beauty deserved to be handled with care."He hasn't confessed anything of that nature, and I’m sure he wouldn't care if I showed up in a potato sack,” she protested, eyeing the colorful dresses with disgust.“Solas may not have but it’s obviously in the way he looks at you. Or am I the only one who’s noticed he reserved his smiles exclusively for you?” IIyana’s head snapped up. Surprised. Dorian eyes widened. “For someone who's leading an entire army, you are not observant at all.” He pointed to the dresses. “All men appreciate it when a woman goes out of her way to present herself. Even if it’s just dinner.” Before she could offer another protest, Dorian headed into the closet where she kept her travel bag and staff. She could hear him shuffling around until he re-entered the room with a beautiful ornate box that Josie had crafted for all of IIyana’s jewelry. Gifts she hasn’t touched. "Beautiful," Dorian said as he held up a pair of pear-shaped diamond drop earrings and a gorgeous pearl, crystal, and grosgrain belt she received last week from Madame la Fleur, the go-to for the latest Orlesian fashion.“Dorian, I’m not dressing up as though I’m attending a ball. I’m a simple elf with simple clothing - white blouses and breeches. Minimalistic, if you haven’t noticed. "Believe me, I’ve noticed," Dorian said. He placed the jewelry next to a beautiful, dark blue dress made of velvet and lace. Its sleeves flowed delicately and meant to cascade beautifully with the train of the dress. "We should pin up your hair to expose your neckline." Walking over to demonstrate, Dorian angled her head slightly. "Like this. Make sure you do this sometime during dinner. It would drive Solas insane and he will think of little else."She tried to interject but he was already too far gone in his project. "And, we should add some color to your lips and cheeks, to freshen you up.""Dori-""IIyana, we have so little time. You need to bathe and wash your hair, and the dress needs to be pressed. We have to lotion your skin, too much time in the sun has dried it out. Oh my! And the essentials! We need the essentials." He moved to her desk and quickly scribbled a note, running downstairs to have it delivered before shuffling back upstairs. IIyana didn’t wait long before she heard Vivienne and her entourage of ladies entering the room and making their way up the last flight of stairs. All six carried a variety of boxes in their hands."My dear, I hear you have a date." Vivienne greeted, circling IIyana as if she were evaluating the amount of work they needed versus the time they had."It's just dinner, Viv." IIyana clarified. "You know, two people heading to the tavern to grab food. Maybe sit down at an empty table tucked into the corner for privacy.""Darling, the man practically claimed you for his own. Publicly, if I may add. So, no, it's not just dinner." The memory of Solas striking Cullen in front of everyone brought a slight blush to her cheeks and Vivienne chuckled softly, "I see we are on the same page. I understand why you needed me, Dorian. This simply won't do and we have so little time.""My thoughts exactly," he sighed."Although, I dare say I approve of your selection," Vivienne praised as she eyed the dress."I aim to please," Dorian applauded. “Now, before we get started. Someone, pour me some wine.” Before IIyana could utter another protest, she was being led into the bathing room by one of the ladies, the door closing behind her as her friends worked their magic in preparation for tonight. "The kiss was... rather unexpected.""Unexpected or not as planned?""Perhaps both," Solas said as he and Wisdom continued on the familiar path leading them to the secluded grove they often frequent when he sought her in the Fade. "I find myself perplexed when it comes to Inquisitor Lavellan.""Impulsive, too." Wisdom giggled when he frowned. "Forgive me, I was only teasing. Have you apologized to the Commander?""Yes," Solas confirmed. In fact, the morning after, he had personally sought Cullen out to give him an apology. “But, I didn’t realize his feelings went beyond friendly affections until I met with him. The man is in love.” "How do you know?" Wisdom asked as they settled down on the two logs adjacent to one another. She loved this place and the privacy its ancient trees provided as they stretched towards the sky, shielding them from prying eyes.A frown creased his brows and he provided no further explanation as he withdrew into silence. Wisdom had seen this look before - Solas was having an internal battle with himself and she suspected it was the reason why he sought her counsel tonight. Something had changed in him. Wisdom had felt it as soon as he entered the Fade, and whatever it was, it must be conflicting for she noticed Despair and Hope wavering nearby. Wisdom patiently waited for Solas to gather his thoughts. What little he did share of Inquisitor Lavellan, it was apparent that the Dalish woman had swept him asunder and brought forth a vulnerability he hadn’t felt in ages. In fact, she’d only seen him behaving like this when he spoke of Mythal. "I sense there is more than you are sharing with me, my friend. Could it be that you feel the Commander is a better choice?" She asked and reached out when he gave her a sad, confirmation of a smile."He is an honorable man.""As are you, Solas.""Am I?" He challenged, raising his hands to look at them. He could hear the cries of the Elven people and the Fade echoed their demise. "My hands are tainted with death, blood, and betrayal. I am a murderer, a traitor to my people, and I am undeserving of her." His voice trailed off and she could hear his ragged breathing. He had said the latter with such yearning that this time, she was determined to get her point across."You did what you thought best to free your people. No one can fault you for that, especially not Inquisitor Lavellan.""I am the reason why she proudly wears slave markings upon her face. If she only knew - she won't understand. She'll despise me in the end.""You give the Inquisitor little credit, my friend." Wisdom said. She had long suspected that Solas had feelings for the Inquisitor and it pleased her to know that she'd been correct. He wouldn't be fighting this hard if he hadn't. "I believe when you do choose to tell her the truth, she will understand. If not, I believe she will still lend you the support you need to forgive yourself." "She will see me as Fen'Harel - a monster, a harbinger of death."She shook her head and gave him a reassuring smile. "No, I believe she will see you in the end, Solas.""How are you so sure?""Because of the way you speak of her. You've hunted alone long enough, my friend.”In all their time together, Wisdom had never known anyone who could distract him from the Fade and it gave her hope that IIyana may be the one to deter him from his path.“It’s getting late. Perhaps you should return home.” Wisdom suggested.Solas shook his head. “I have no home. I’ve destroyed the only one I know. I did what I thought was best when I cast the veil, only for it to destroy everything that I knew.” “I’m speaking of the one IIyana has created for you. Perhaps if you listen to your heart, instead of your thoughts, you’ll realize that you’re already home. “I can’t. It would mean --”“Stop fighting it. She’s waiting for you. All you have to do is … wake up.” Solas jolted awake and it took him a minute or two to register that he'd fallen asleep in the archives. Stretching the kinks from his neck, he returned the book he was reading to its rightful place before straightening the desk he was using prior to falling asleep. Wisdom's words came back to him and his heart fluttered with an image of IIyana. His friend was right - she could lead him home if he took the chance. For the first time since he cast the veil, the burden he carried became lighter and it was all because of IIyana. She'd enter his life and chased away the shadows of doubt that have erected since he awakened from his slumber, and now he was left with the sudden urge to find her and...Dinner - he'll tell her at dinner.Smiling with a purpose, Solas closed the door behind him and headed upstairs.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
He was not nervous. By Mythal's blessing, he was not.When Solas strode through the room for the third time this evening, he simply was ensuring that everything was as it should be when his guest arrived. Lady Montilyet had outdone herself, providing everything they could possibly need, transforming the room into an intimate setting for two. He'd also been assured they'll be left alone.A small breeze drifted from the rafters above and Solas couldn't help but wish she could have seen Tarasyl'an Te'las as it should have been. With its connection to the Fade, the castle had been a magical place of endless possibilities. He'd hoped she would have appreciated it as he did. In lieu of his melancholy, Solas was gifting her with the closest thing he had to Arlathan - the rotunda. The rotunda was his sanctuary - the place he studied, dreamed, and painted - and the only room in all of Skyhold he could bare his soul. He'd wanted tonight to be free of barriers and pretenses and for her to see him as the man he really is.Somewhere in Skyhold, the dinner bell rang and Solas' heart sped like rapid fire.He positioned himself in the direction of the door, feeling a little foolish for his boyish pleasure in anticipation of her arrival. For the first time since awakening from his slumber, he felt in harmony with the world. He couldn't remember the last time he anticipated the arrival of a woman with such eagerness, and he'd forgotten how it felt - the excitement, the thrill of the chase. The triumphant claiming of the prize when she finally submitted. Although he was convinced he'd be the one to yield tonight, considering he nearly leaped on IIyana like a starving man after she passed him in the hall the other day. She'd been so sweet and he'd wanted to kiss her again, press her against the wall until she was melting with desire. But he was afraid that if he gave in, he would unleash every ounce of passion he possessed. It was only by sheer force she wasn't tossed over his shoulder and taken to his room for the rest of the afternoon.The door opened slowly and he glanced up in greeting, a soft hello on the tip of his tongue. He'd thought of everything - the venue, the menu - but he hadn't been prepared for the goddess gliding towards him. She was a breathtaking vision in blue, with her hair parted down the center and then twisted into long braids that wrapped around her crown. Lovely, tender locks framed her delicate face. She was too regal, too pure for him to touch, and his thoughts scattered to the wind.IIyana had been nervous and uncertain when she left her chamber. Each step echoed with fear and doubt, but the moment she stepped into the room all her insecurities evaporated as Solas’ unwavering gaze followed her every step. She didn't think it was possible for the heart to beat any faster than when his eyes darkened into an odd expression. She greeted him with a small smile and Solas' heart launched violently. He drew in a long strangled breath, realizing he hadn't been breathing.Her eyes swept him over until they wavered on his mouth, and whatever little control Solas had left, disintegrated. He reached her in three, long strides, arms circling around her waist, pulling her closer to his chest. The faint smell of crystal grace teased his senses and he inhaled deeply as if the very essence of her kept him alive. Then ever so gently, his hands lifted, grazing her rosy cheeks, smoothing backward to cup her head."I would very much like to kiss you, IIyana," he stated.He wasn't asking for permission and her smile was all the encouragement he needed before his head descended with a purpose. Her skin was soft and warm when his lips touched the corner of hers, and she let out a small laugh before turning to receive his full kiss. He groaned into the sweet offering of her lips and seized them in melting hunger. His hands tightened, tongue plunged with possessive greed. It became an obsession to etch the taste of her lips into memory and he knew that one kiss will never be enough.He tasted richer than she remembered, and although he'd initiated the kiss, IIyana did not shy away from shifting her hands restlessly over his muscled shoulders and forearms, moving her lips to sync with his. She deepened the kiss and knew this was exactly where she wanted to be.An eternity later, Solas drew away and placed his lips on her forehead in an attempt to catch his breath. "Hello," he finally said. She tried to smile but her breath was too ragged. His taste lingered and she licked her lips, lifting green eyes to his, and the desire he saw in their depths plunged to his core. "Don't," he warned in a husky, pleading voice. "Don't look at me like that unless you want me to kiss you again.""And if I do?" She whispered."Then I won't be able to stop, IIyana," he implored helplessly. "I will not take advantage of you, or us before we are both ready." It was comforting for her to know that their relationship meant more to him than a simple affair. She smiled in approval and his heart melted.They dined on roasted ram and sauteed vegetables and exchanged events of their day. A variety of fresh fruits, bread, and cheese separated the two as they sat across from one another. An hour later, Solas' carefree laughter echoed loudly as IIyana wrapped up sharing one of her childhood stories - this one including her friend Eri - and their daring escape through an old elven ruin, after the two mischievous adolescents triggered an explosion, sinking the building into the ground. In an attempt to save themselves from the Keeper’s wrath, Eri had intentionally urinated on himself and Deshanna was too embarrassed for the boy to reprimand him.The thought of a young Lavellan creating havoc wherever she went brought a twinkle to his eyes. He was thankful that not much has changed. "It sounds like you had an eventful childhood.""Eri made it amazing!" Her eyes lit up in memory. "You have to meet him, he was the brainchild behind many of our childhood theatrics. If it wasn't for him, my nose would've been stuffed in a book, memorizing elven traditions, fables, and lore. Directing others in the way of the Dalish." She gave him a direct stare, "I believe I would have ended up like you."He arched a brow, curious. "What's wrong with the way I am?""Isn't it obvious? You're too intelligent and mysterious. Poetic, philosophical, articulate, stubborn. You smell like books and parchment and ink".He was caught off guard by her honesty and his expression lightened. "You think I'm mysterious?""Are you fishing for compliments?""Perhaps," he said and gave her a grin. He hadn't felt this alive since awakening from his long slumber. "I'm pleased to hear your assessment of me has changed.""Passionate kisses will do that to a person," she declared, leaning forward in her seat. "Did you know what I realized while I was away? I didn't know how old you are, where you grew up, or why you detest tea. I don't know your birthday, or if you still had family or siblings, or even a string of elven ladies waiting for your return." Her eyes softened and she added quietly, "it bothered me that I knew so little of you."He gave her a small smile. "There isn't much to tell," he admitted."Like I said, so mysterious,” She beamed. “Are you hiding a mate somewhere, Solas?" He couldn’t help it, the way she was looking at him made him feel like an adolescent boy. “No. But I’m in the mood to answer your questions. What would you like to know?”She perked her up on her seat, excitement brightening her eyes. "Where are you from, Solas? You're obviously not Dalish and it doesn't appear you lived in an alienage either"Solas pushed his plate aside and leaned back in his chair. "I grew up in a village in the North. There wasn't much to entertain a young man, especially one gifted with magic. Not even a string of elven ladies pining for my return. And no, I am not bonded." He answered honestly.She blushed sweetly and poured herself another glass of wine, using the time to gather her thoughts. "How is it possible that you didn't have a lady-friend throwing herself at you? Stealing you away for a kiss or two?""There were plenty of women who threw themselves at me. Too many to count, actually.""Why you conceited --""You said it yourself,” he interrupted. He crossed his arms and gave her a charming smirk. “I’m intelligent, mysterious, and poetic. If I willed it, any woman wouldn't be able to resist my charms." “You’re ridiculous. Don't flatter yourself Hahren, your reservations leave much to consider.""You think I'm reserved?" He challenged. A rebellious fire sparked in his blood.“Of course,” she teased, loving how his gaze had narrowed to dangerous slits. “You’re a damn prude, Solas. Remember yesterday when the barmaid nearly spilled out of her dress as she leaned over to clear your table? I saw you blush and pretended like you didn’t notice her heavy assets.”“I did no such thing!”“Look, I’m not judging. It’s quite alright if you lack certain skills. I mean, there’s no shame at all.” She said, muffling her laughter behind her napkin. She must have been enjoying the moment too much because his eyes raked the length of her frame, landing suspiciously on her gaze. She was definitely baiting him. But he will not let her win this round.“What?” she asked when he continued to stare at her silently"You were jealous.” She choked on her water. “Excuse me?”“Of the barmaid. You were jealous. Why else would you bring her up in conversion.” “Don’t flatter yourself, Mage.”“Ah, back to name-calling. Very telling.” “I was only making an observation.”“As am I.” She smacked her lips in a way that he found too distracting. Leaning forward, he said. “I’m not a prude but I am a patient man, wearing down your defenses until you submit. In all of my travels, there have been plenty of opportunities to engage in sexual activities. Many have left my chamber quite satisfied." He gave her a cocky, knowing grin. "I'll have you know, I have a reputation with the ladies.""Oh, you mean for being a crusty old bat?" She interjected innocently and exploded into hysterical laughter at his comically-stricken face. She rolled over, hugging her side as her musical laughter echoed to the floors above.“It pleases me to know that you find me entertaining.”"Please forgive me, Solas." She gave him an apologetic stare. "That was terrible of me. Please, tell me more about your -- about this reputation."He gave her a haughty glare, "I find the details inappropriate to share with the woman I plan to court.""I didn't think you a damn coward, Solas." Her eyes narrowed, calling his bluff."I wouldn't want to burn your innocent ears with my sexual prowess.""I'm sure it's nothing I can't handle.""Shall I demonstrate instead?" he challenged. Her cheeks deepened into a pink blush. "You wouldn't dare," she declared."Are you afraid?" His eyes burned her alive and she felt her body flushed in need. She had never been pursued, never been desired. Until now. Until she put on a dress, painted her face, brushed her hair. And she found it unsettling that he wanted this, instead of her. "You desire the illusion," she finally said."I desire you.""You are a romantic, Solas, and I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed." To prove her point, she walked over until she stood before him, sweeping her hand in grand fashion. "You see, this is a fantasy. If you take this away - the dress, the jewelry, the way Dorian told me to angle my neck - you will get a simple Dalish girl who wouldn't know the difference between silk and satin or which fork to use first at Winter Palace" She leaned in until she was eye level with him. "I am not the woman you desire.""When I look at you, IIyana, I see only you.""It's the illusion you want. You can't tell me the dress didn't have anything to do with the way you kissed me tonight.”He pushed away from his chair and stood until he shadowed over her. She barely reached his shoulder and suddenly she felt tiny and small. "I have wanted to do more than kiss you for a very long time, IIyana. Well before Skyhold." He said directly. His unexpected confession left her speechless and she barely managed a stammer. "Well then, I apologize for the assumption.""Does it bother you, to know that I desire you?" He bent over, the tip of his nose touching hers. "It pleases me greatly," she admitted, surprised at her own truth."And do you desire me?" He asked huskily, caressing her cheek, trailing feather-life fingers along the side of her jawline until he cupped her face with his hand. Her skin was tingling, coming alive with his touch and she felt the invisible pull of his desire. It was hot. Intense. And she could feel every strand of its heat. "Do you?" He demanded."Yes," she said, barely audible."How much, IIyana?" He was teasing now, playing with her senses until she admitted what her pride will not allow. "Tell me how much you want me and I will finish what I started." His hands fell to her hips, molding his fingers into her flesh, pulling her forward. When she didn't comply, his lips brushed lightly against her ears, sending a delicious chill down her spine and she gasped loudly when he nipped her ear. "You are stubborn as ever, IIyana," he laughed softly. She shuddered."What must I do to hear you say it?" He whispered and licked the sensitive area behind her ear. "Perhaps if I kiss you here instead?" His lips trailed hot kisses along the side of her neck, nibbling when he reached her pulse. He moved to stand behind her, angling her neck to the side as she had shown him earlier, and every so very softly, placed a kiss on the back of her skin. She trembled and he chuckled against her skin. "Or here?"She released a heavy breath. If she could melt and die, IIyana would gladly do so. Solas continued his torment of exploring her skin, teasing, kissing, nipping, licking, ignoring her pleas to show mercy. But he didn't know that his touch was burning her alive and she couldn't have articulated anything, even if it meant saving her life. Suddenly, he jerked her forward and she was pressed against the desk, legs spreading easily to accommodate him. One of his hands held her firmly in place as he seized control of her lips, the other sliding down to curve around her backside. Lower. And Lower. Damnit, but IIyana wanted him to touch her there. In that heated place she’d touched every morning since their kiss. The thought sent her into a frenzy and she moved her lips over his with increasing abandon, feeding his hunger, instinctively molding against him.She was driving him insane with her whimpers, her pleas. His kiss traveled to the curve of her breasts, smirking when she cried his name. She was panting, arching against him, and his hand raked underneath her dress, sliding up her slim leg and unto her thigh. He could smell how much she wanted him and his mouth curved slowly into a satisfied smirk."Tell me what you desire, IIyana," he demanded again. His fingers graced the insides of her smalls, playing with the delicate lace."I want you..." She gasped."How much?""Desperately."Her admission surprised them both, but she didn't care. Her body was already throbbing, aching in areas only she had touched that morning. His hand was warm. So warm as they squeezed her buttocks and pulled her to the edge of the desk. She thought of a hundred different ways he could take her and she completely, wholeheartedly surrendered into his control. The moment Solas felt it, he marked her with his kiss and began trailing his lips along the side of her face, her ears, breathing a whisper along her cheek.She stiffened, eyes widening. He grinned, followed closely by a soft chuckle. She shook her head in disbelief. He smirked in triumph.Solas knew he shouldn't have. Knew it was ungentlemanly of him. But after poking fun at him all night, she had it coming. She should have known, should have expected that he would never allow such offense without giving her a taste of her own medicine. He tried to contain his glee but only laughed when her eyes lit with flames and sparked with heat. IIyana Lavellan was impossibly beautiful when she was angry at him. And oh, how he missed his feisty little Inquisitor."You loathsome - despicable - lech!" she cried, pushing out of his arms. He only laughed louder. “I was wrong. It appears your indomitable focus is domitable after all.” "I’m leaving!" She screeched and stomped towards the door.From behind, she heard him call her back but she was too embarrassed, too caught up in the fact that he had once again outmaneuvered her. Damn him. Damn him. May the Dreadwolf fucking take him.Solas caught up to her, grabbing her from behind, pulling her back towards him. "IIyana, please forgive me. That was horrible of me.""Yes, it was, you jerk!" She snapped. "You can't touch me like that, make me lust after you, and then humiliate me just to prove a point. Even if it’s what we usually do. We’re on a date and what you did was rude." Solas had never seen him spit fire at him like this and he wanted to kiss away all of her anger. He gave her a mischievous smile. “I think my reputation does proceed me.” "Oh, for the love of Mythal!" She screeched. Yanking the door open, she stormed across the hall, heading towards her room, grinding her teeth at his laughter. She was thankful that the hall was empty because it would have been a shame for her friends to witness the death of one of their beloved companions. Hiking her dress up to her knees she ran up the flight of stairs leading into her room."IIyana!”"Leave me alone, Solas!" He narrowly missed the book that flew over his head when he reached the top of the stairs, opening into her room. "Admit it, I outplayed you." He proclaimed."I can't believe you’re bringing this up right now," she moaned. Her back was to him and she was using the desk to keep herself balanced as she pulled off her slippers. He leaned against the wall, arms crossed across his chest. "Be a trooper, IIyana. Admit defeat.” She whirled around. "I will never admit defeat, especially to you" she said tartly. "You cheated. You used your sexual prowess to distract me."The fire in her eyes took his breath away. She was a fiery goddess when angry and he was in danger of falling in love with her. Even more than he already was. Without a thought he admitted. “M’yana, I missed you. Did you miss me?|IIyana gave him a dirty look, ignoring the intimate way her name sounded on his lips. She felt humiliated. He’d purposely teased her with his kiss, his touch. It was foolish to think that he’d been attracted to her when it’d been a rouse to prove that he wasn’t a prude. When he took a step forward, she threw her slippers at him, not caring if they hit him in the face.“Good night, Solas.” She dismissed him and headed into the bathing room to clean her face. Pouring water into the washbowl, she heated the bowl with her magic and waited for it to warm before proceeding to look for a cloth to scrub the powder and rouge Vivienne had pressed into her cheeks. “Here, let me,” he said from behind as his hand reached out to grab the cloth placed on the shelf above. She blasted him with a chilling look and walked back into the bedroom. Moments later, Solas peeked from the bathing room to find IIyana staring out the balcony doors into the night sky. "Am I still in danger of being disintegrated?""Go fuck yourself, Mage." To her irritation, he chuckled softly. "You're blushing, IIyana,” he said as he came to stand before her. In his hand was a warm bowl of water, a fresh hand towel draped over his arm. “I admit I haven't quite decided which shade of pink I prefer." Her blush deepened and she turned away from him, embarrassed. "I like you too,” he said softly. She rolled her eyes and turned to face him. The fight was gone from her eyes and she gave him a pitiful look. “Do you know how long it takes for a woman to get ready? All so she can please the man she intends to court?” She stammered as he knelt in front of her. He dipped the cloth in the water and brought it to her cheek. “It takes a long time, Solas. Three hours to be exact.” "That sounds miserable," he said, giving her a lopsided smile. He wiped her face, taking care to dab the sensitive area underneath her eyes."It was,” she sighed. “I've never been yanked, plucked, or pulled in so many ways in my enter life."“I appreciate the gesture.” Satisfied with his work, Solas placed the cloth back in the bow and gave her a sentimental stare. “But please don’t put yourself through that again. Not even for me.”"It's all your fault I came wrapped up in a pretty, pretty gown, Solas. I thought it may have been what you wanted."“IIyana, I think you are beautiful in whatever you wear. When I look at you - I see only you. I don’t care for anything else,” he stated and began pulling the pins from her hair as if it was something he had always done. "Not even if the dress makes it easier to --""IIyana," he chided. “You don’t need to wear a dress for me to desire you.”He resumed the process of unpinning her hair, taking great care to unravel each braid until it cascaded behind her back. Then he combed his fingers through her thick masses, loosening the strands as if he had all the time in the world to complete this task. She moaned in pleasure and closed her eyes, her angst towards him forgiven. "You spoil me, Solas." She said."Your hair is as soft as I remembered.” He said, thinking back to one evening when she’d asked him to tie her hair. "Keep talking like that and I will surely swoon.""I'll only catch you if you do."Their eyes met.The corners of his mouth turned up and he resumed his task as she closed her eyes. The feel of his fingers through her hair felt wonderful and soon, she was lost in the moment. IIyana didn't know how long they stayed like that but when she opened her eyes, the room had darkened and the moon reflected brightly along the walls. Her body shivered in response and Solas flicked his wrist. The hearth came alive with hot fire. They stayed in comfortable silence for a while, enjoying each other's presence. "You are so beautiful," he said tenderly."So are you.""You've never answered my question -- did you miss me while you were away?" The softness in his voice had her leaning in "Your vanity is showing, Mage," she teased."Indulged me a little.""What do I get if I answer correctly?" she asked.He tilted her chin, "I may steal a kiss or two.""Let's make it three and I’ll tell you all my dirty secrets. But don't get cocky."He gave her a small laugh. “Ever the negotiator, Inquisitor."IIYana took a deep breath and flopped backward on the bed, arms bent above her head. "I did miss you, Solas" she confessed. "There wasn't a day that didn't go by that I didn't think of you. There were times when I wanted to write to you but I … hesitated.” She felt the bed shift under his weight and she leaned up on her elbows to look at him as he leaned forward. His gaze was soft, curious.“Don’t look at me that way, Solas.”“In what way?”“Like you are seeing me for the first time. Or that you want to kiss me, or pounce on me -” “Are you offering?”“I -”“Stop trying to distract me, m’yana.” He interrupted. “Now tell me, what stopped you from writing to me?”"I was afraid. I didn't know then what I know now."He leaned forward until his forehead touched hers. "I must have a certain skill," he said, "if all it took was a kiss for you to completely fall in love with me.""You fiend!" She gasped, a moment before his lips touched hers in a sweet, sweet kiss. "You drive me crazy when you call me dirty names, m'yana," he whispered in between kisses. Her confession made him happy and rained kisses all over her face, even as she laughed and tried to pull away. But his lips found hers again and she was melting by the time he covered her body with his.The clock chimed and they slowly broke the kiss. It was past bedtime but neither wanted the evening to end. “You can stay … if you want. We can have a sleepover.”"It would only lead to trouble.” "I'll behave," she said with an innocent smile.He nibbled the tip of her ear. “As you behaved tonight? You were blood-thirsty with lust, nearly ripping my clothes off. I highly doubt you could keep your hands to yourself." She opened her mouth to protest and he swallowed it with a deep, long kiss. He rolled her over until she was atop his chest. His hand threaded into her hair, holding her in place as his tongue explored her mouth with skill. "You can stay and read to me until I fall asleep from boredom,” she suggested against his lips. "I shall bear that in mind.""Or we can do what people your age do, we -- Ouch!" She yelped when he pinched her side. He made up for it by kissing the tip of her nose. She blushed. He melted. "Stay," she smiled happily. "Alright."And he swooped down to steal a kiss or two.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Tell me about this scar."Solas felt delicate fingers caress his cheek and curve around his eye until they landed softly on the mark above his right brow. Her touch was warm and inviting, and he thought he'd never known such peace. Cuddling her closer to his side, Solas whispered with a grin. "Aren't you tired?""Yes," IIyana said with an exhausted laugh, her cheeks resting against his shoulder, "but I'm too happy to sleep, at least for a while."As was Solas, but they had a full day ahead of them and he wanted her to at least get some rest. "You'll regret it tomorrow when you appear before your advisors," he said. "Or before Dorian - he'll want a full report of what happened tonight." To his surprise, she tipped her face up to kiss his chin and smiled deeply when he pulled her in for a kiss.They were stretched out on her bed, snuggled warmly under a blanket, after talking late into the evening. As promised, IIyana kept her hands to herself, despite his trying to tempt her by stealing more than a dozen kisses with wolfish delight.He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead and she melted back into his arms, releasing a sigh of peaceful satisfaction. After a while, IIyana's fingers drifted back to his chest in a dreaming caress. "What are you thinking, Solas?" She whispered. He was quiet for a long time and she'd thought he'd fallen asleep when she heard him take a deep breath, straightening into a sitting position, and pulling her into his lap. Brushing his hand through her hair, Solas gave her a half-hearted smile. “I was thinking about the things I said to you the other night.” His brows pulled together. “I’m sorry for the way I treated you and for the things I said.” "It's quite alright, Solas," she replied softly. The night had been perfect and she didn't want to ruin it by opening old wounds.Tilting her chin, Solas gazed deeply into her beautiful green eyes. "It's not alright when my behavior was malicious and cruel, IIyana," he said softly. "I appreciate the apology. And, I wonder if I added fuel to the fire by not responding to your letters while I was away." When the first letter arrived, IIyana carried it for two weeks before returning it unopened. When the second letter arrived, and the third, fourth, she'd piled them into a bundle and sent them back with haste. By the second month, six more letters arrived and all returned to their original sender. IIyana gave him an apologetic smile and added. "We have a history of never seeing eye to eye, and when the first letter arrived, I didn't know what to do.” She admitted. “I was convinced you were going to lecture me on my immoral behavior. But I think I was more afraid of having to confront whatever this was before I was ready. "If it brings you any comfort, I was equally confused. I could only analyze so much before I drove myself insane with my own theories."She laughed. "Oh, we can't have that." "No, we can't." He smiled. Then his gaze changed, turned softer, more intentional, and he continued to stare at her as if he was having difficulty with finding the right words."What is it?" She asked.To her surprise, he admitted the truth. "Something changed for me while you were away, m'yana. I can't put a name on it, but I felt it. Here." He grabbed her hand and placed it against his heart. "It was strange. But several weeks after you left, I was walking through the hall when I heard your name and my heart launched. Almost violently.""That sounds intense," she teased.He chuckled. "It was intense. Suddenly, everything became clearer for me.""What became clearer?" she asked softly.You," he answered honestly. "It hit me like a breath of fresh air - this deep longing to be with you. And I realized my melancholy over the past month stemmed from my desire to see you. I spent the rest of the day imagining what I would say when you came home. I've just returned from the Hinterlands when you returned and --""And that is when you saw me with Cullen,” she interrupted. "Yes. Seeing you both enjoying each other's company - the emotion I felt, it was unpleasant. I was convinced I was just another male for you to toy with." Guiding her hand to his cheek. "And now?" IIyana asked softly."And now, no amount of atoning can make up for my belligerent behavior.""You say that as if you are undeserving of my forgiveness, Solas.""I'm not deserving anything," he insisted."I wouldn't have joined you this evening if I haven't forgiven you..""But how? How can you forgive me so easily after all the things I've said to you -- done to you." He covered his hand with hers and grasped it tightly. "I will only hurt you again, IIyana."She shook her head in disagreement. "Do you know what I thought when I saw you in the garden?" She asked, hoping to spread some light into his inner, dark torment. "I thought I've never seen anything as beautiful as you. You filled me with such warmth that I wanted to remember that moment always. I decided then and here I can choose to remain angry at you, or I can choose to understand you. I don't regret my decision.""Would you have still made the same decision if you knew what a monster I am?" He demanded.She heard the desperation in his voice and gave him a puzzling look. "Tell me what you mean by that.""You asked about my scar," he stated quietly. "It's tainted with a dark history and tells a story of a young man who raised up arms against a pantheon of corrupted individuals greedy for more power. They had murdered my friend to punish me, and in return, I cast them away. I didn't realize how many lives would be lost because of my decisions, IIyana. Families were separated, women and children killed, all because I refused to submit to their demands." He pulled away from her, withdrawing into a cold silence. "My hands are stained with their blood.""Solas, look at me. The Blight affected all of us. Many people were killed, including members of my own clan. When the world is torn apart by chaos, death can force us to make decisions outside of our values. You are not a monster. I believe you did what you felt was best - necessary - to ease your pain. You can not fault yourself for doing what you believed was right."She'd echoed Wisdom's words and his breath hitched. His eyes drew together as if she were speaking a completely different language and then a sadness clouded his face. "Innocent people have died at my hands, m'yana.""As have mine," she interjected. "As Inquisitor, my hands are also stained with death, fear, and uncertainty. Does knowing this effect the way you see me? Am I not a monster as well?"Solas' eyes sparkled with anger and he crushed her against his chest. "Don't you ever say that about yourself," he demanded. "You are everything good in this world and nothing - nothing! - will change how I feel about you.""Then know this, Solas," she said gently. "There is nothing in your past or your future that would change the way I feel about you. Nothing. When I look at you, I see only you.""How can you still find compassion after knowing this about me? I am unworthy of you. I am unfit to touch you." He stated more to himself than to her. The expressionless ache in his voice had her pulling away to look at him. "Shouldn't I be the one to make that decision?" She asked."Not when I've treated you so terribly, IIyana." Solas spoke plainly as if preparing for a debate. "You don't understand - that is the man I am. I can be cruel and malicious, and I will only hurt you in the long run.""You have to stop saying that. We can't predict the future, Solas."Although he gave her a half-hearted smile, his gaze darkened. "Perhaps you are correct. But it doesn't mean it won't happen."Again, another rebuttal. There was something so insistent in his tone that she felt uncertain about whether they wanted the same thing. "If this is about us..." she said quietly. "I want you to know that there is no pressure. We don't have to do this."He gave her a puzzling look before comprehension dawn on his face. Pulling her into a deep, emotional and demanding kiss, Solas claimed her mouth with his lips until all her doubts fluttered with the wind. "I did not lie to you when I said I wanted this..." he rasped before taking her lips again in a possessive manner."Then what are you afraid of?" IIyana asked when she was able to pull away. I am afraid of you , he thought. His path had been clear from the moment he'd awaken from his slumber. He'd believed this world and its people were not saving - had not wavered in his path to restore the elven people. Until now. Until her. She's changed everything and everything has changed because of her. For the first time in his long life, Solas found himself unsure - hesitating - if he was truly destined for the solitary path of the Din'Anshiral. But Wisdom’s words continued to haunt him, and he couldn’t deny that something strange happened every time IIyana looked his way.Placing a soft kiss against her lips, needing her strength for courage, Solas laid his heart bared. "Have you ever wanted something so badly, so desperately - something that was within your grasp - yet you were afraid to reach for it?" He asked tenderly.She brought hopeful green eyes to meet his blue ones and his heart sped rapidly. "I want you, IIyana. Desperately. You and only you," he pledged. "But I am afraid of many things. I am afraid I will disappoint you, hurt you in the end, and the thought of you hating me -- I can't bear it --.” His world trailed off when he felt her hand guide underneath his shirt, skin upon skin, drifting until her palm laid gently against his heart. He'd not been touched in such a long time and Solas nearly wept in grief. ”I was afraid too, until the moment I stepped into the rotunda tonight," she said quietly. "It wasn’t until I saw you standing there, waiting for me, and I knew this was exactly where I wanted to be."He tightened his arms around her, needing to feel her against him. "I had told myself that I would be damned to eternity if I hadn’t tried to at least make you understand," he confessed achingly. "I have never known such peace than the moments when you look at me."She gave him a small, tender smile. "Did you know what I did every day I was away from you?" She asked, tears glistening in her eyes. "I dreamt of what it would be like if you were mine."Her confession floored him and his heart leaped with joy. Never in his life had he experienced such a feeling. He thought that he loved this woman - loved her with every fiber of his being. And he was sure that she did too because he could feel her love with every smile, kiss, and touch given tonight."I'm already yours, now and forever, m'yana," he pledged aching. Rolling on top of her, Solas kissed her until the sun rose across the horizon and flooded the room with light. "What do you mean the Grey Wardens are using blood magic?" IIyana demanded of advisors. She'd been briefed with the latest updates from Adamant and the report was terrifying. "How the fuck did we miss that piece of information?""My agents reported Warden Clarel has ordered all her mages to perform the ritual in order to bind themselves to demons," Leliana explained. "For what, I am uncertain. But I suspect this may have something to do with the Grey Wardens disappearances.""And where did she get this ridiculous idea?""Erimond," Cullen added.IIyana scoffed. "Of course, that fucking snake.”"This may explain how Corephyeus' demon army in the alternate world you witness, Inquisitor," Josie said.IIyana shuddered at the memory and the events that transpired at Redcliffe. Their attempts to negotiate an alliance with the mages was unsuccessful with Magister Alexius and in return, he'd cast a time travel spell sending her and Dorian into an alternate timeline reeking of fear and death. After locating Solas, Cassandra, and Blackwall, they had fought their way through Redcliffe Castle, rendezvousing with Leliana. Both IIyana and Dorian learned they've been sent a year into the future, and with the Inquisitor believed dead, Corephyus had assassinated the Empress of Orlais and raised a demon army to destroy Thedas.She'd never forget the deadly sacrifices each made to ensure that she and Dorian returned to their own time. Most of all, she'll never forget the look Solas gave her right before he pulled away to join the others as they fought off the monsters that have broken through. Their deaths were the primary reason why each of her decisions has been laced with fear - her failure would surely condemn them all to death and she would be damned if they died again for her.IIyana slammed her fists on the table, the impact causing several of the markers on the map to topple over. "If the Wardens are binding themselves to demons, or heading into the Deep Roads, it would only guarantee their death. If the Order dies, there'll be no one left to defend us from another Blight. Leliana, has the Hero of Ferelden been located.""None of our agents have seen the Hero of Ferelden, but there have been scattered references of her passing through the area from Sister Rejeanne. My people are following up on the leads as we speak."Josie was busy transcribing her report when she suddenly looked up, a perplexed expression on her face. "What of King Alistair? Has he heard anything from the Warden?" She asked.Leliana gave the ambassador a small smile before answering, "sadly no. But it is not for want of trying."The romance between King Allistair and Warden Commander Cousland was a tragic love story immortalized through written texts and songs performed across Thedas. The two were brought together by the Fifth Blight, had fallen in love, and in the end, had chosen duty and the people over their relationship. The warden disappeared shortly after Alistair was crowned King of Ferelden and wed."Then we must proceed without her," Cullen suggested."I agreed. We are already out of time," IIyana added. Giving each of her advisors a stern glance. "Have everyone prepare themselves. We leave for Adamant tomorrow morning," she commanded.Her advisors nodded in agreement and were preparing to exit the room when Cullen heard his name from behind."Cullen, may I have a moment of your time?" IIyana asked softly."Of course, Inquisitor." He briskly replied. Bidding Leliana and Josie good-night, he returned to the war table where IIyana waited for him. Her green eyes twinkle with worry and he clenched his jaw so as not to reach for her, as he'd wanted to do for the past week. Their encounters have been brief, primarily occurring only in passing, and he'd not seek her out for their weekly chess game. He wouldn't say he'd been avoiding her - they have been busy preparing for Adamant and with recent developments, there simply has not been time for personal pleasure."Are you alright, Cullen?""Yes, I am. Thank you for asking, Inquisitor.""The last time we spoke, you seemed... out of sorts. I wanted to check in to see how you are today."He raked his hand through his hair before drifting it to the back of his neck. "I'm fine - better today. I appreciate your concern but I am quite well, Inquisitor.""You say that but you --""You don't have to worry about me, IIyana," he interrupted, regretting his words when she grimaced in response. "I'm sorry - what I meant to say was - Maker's breath," he said, letting out a defeated sigh. "What I meant to say was, you already have so much to worry about - Corypheus, the anchor, saving the world - but you don't have to worry about me. I am fine, IIyana. I would not lie to you if I weren't.""I know, Cullen. And I appreciate you looking after me as well." IIyana said before plastering a smile on her face. "Good night, Commander .""Good night, Inquisitor," Cullen replied before quietly leaving the room. "I'll see you at dawn."IIyana watched him depart and sighed heavily before turning around to sweep one final glance over the map of Thedas. She would respect Cullen's boundaries and when he was ready to discuss his angst with her, she would be ready. She assessed their progress on the map when the marker placed over Adamant shimmered brightly from the candles above as if inviting her to examine it. She felt the anchor hum, ripple in her hand before she hovered it over the piece. Greenlight simmered softly from her hand, casting the marker in a soft, eerie glow. As if transfixed, IIyana stepped closer to the map and the anchor flickered again, at first lightly, then flaring again until her hand twinge with pain.Random images flashed across her mind - fear, betrayal, a Wolf howling in pain casting magic into the sky, elves screaming, dying. IIyana was crippled with grief, her knees wobbling and she leaned against the table so as not to fall unto the floor. Trickster. Murderer. Harbinger of death. The voices cried.She couldn't breathe, she needed to escape the images. Gasping loudly, IIyana yanked her hand quickly, pushing away from the war table until she was clutching her hand protectively against her chest. When her breathing returned to normal, IIyana held her hand up to look at the now calm anchor, it's green light resuming its usual soft glow. Flexing her hand to relax the muscles, IIyana looked at the anchor again. The mark was an ugly gashed that tore through the middle of her palm. Surprisingly, it was a clean cut that did not pull at the skin. It was almost as if the anchor had embedded itself into her hand instead of piercing it. The anchor had never given her visions before, nor had she ever felt anything other than pure magic from the mark So why now? IIyana thought of the images she had seen and shook her head in confusion. She'd been shown something but she wasn't sure exactly what it was, and she didn't recognize the world she'd seen. It appears she knew less about the anchor than she had originally believed. Solas had said the anchor was connected to the Fade, and she wondered if she'd glimpsed a memory of a spirit who trespassed too closely to the veil. She should tell Soals about what just happened. He'd want to know of any changes that'd occurred with the anchor. But she quickly changed her mind. She also didn’t' want him to worry. And besides, he may be nose-deep in research and she didn't want to interrupt his duties. Decision made, IIyana headed to the tavern to brief her team on Adamant.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It had taken the Inquisition exactly an hour to breach the walls of Adamant with Cullen doing whatever he could to cover their advance, as IIyana and her team fought against a horde of demons and Grey Wardens to find Warden Clarel. The group had cleared the main bailey, where they successfully convinced the Wardens there to fall back, and the battlements where Hawke was assisting their soldiers until they arrived.
Fighting through another wave of monsters, IIyana and Co. made their way towards the main courtyard to find the remaining wardens gathered around an active rift, their attention focused on Warden Clarel and another Grey Warden kneeling before her.
"Stop this!" IIyana shouted from behind. "If you continue with the ritual then you'll be giving Erimond exactly what he wants!" But it was too late, the Grey Warden fell forward, the blood oozing from his neck splattered like wet, black paint from the swift death that was granted from his sacrifice.
"You think I enjoy this, Inquisitor? We make the sacrifices no one else will." Clarel argued. "Our warriors die proudly for a world that will never thank them."
"You only wished they will die proudly," Stroud interjected heatedly. "Once completed, your Tevinter ally will bind the mages to Corypheus!"
At the mention of his name, Clarel shook her head in denial, visibly shocked. "Corypheus? But he is dead."
"Stroud is telling the truth," IIyana explained. "Erimond is using you, Clarel. Using all of you. The rituals bind you to Corypheus and he'll turn you into everything you've fought against."
But whatever little sense Clarel had vanished as the snake Erimond whispered words of encouragement into her ear.
"You are wrong, Inquisitor," Clarel stated. "We are fulfilling our sacrificial duties. Bring it forward!" On cue, the Warden mages cast their magic into the active rift, causing it to spiral and ripple as every strain of mana fed whatever was threatening to come through.
"Please!" Hawke pleaded desperately. "I have seen my share of blood magic. It is not worth the cost!"
Stroud took another step forward and declared angrily, "I trained half of you myself! Do not make me kill you to stop this madness."
"Warden Clarel." IIyana's voice rang across the yard, catching the attention of every Grey Warden. "The Grey Wardens have a rich history of heroic deeds that will forever live on in history, and this world owes you a debt that it can never repay. Believe me, I will not stand against you if I did not believe you were being misused. Please, you don't have to do this."
From where she stood, Clarel's eye swept across the courtyard, taking note of the blood and sacrifice each Warden had made to ensure their oath fulfilled. The air now reeked of fear and death and the metallic taste of dried blood, caked onto the uniforms of the dead. Clarel's gaze drifted to the Inquisitor and for the first time since aligning herself with the Magister, she felt doubt. And that doubt pulled her into an empty void.
Erimond saw the hesitation in Clarel's eyes and knew that he'd lost his ally. "Inquisitor!" He screamed. "My Master said you may be here trying to ruin everything. And he sent me this to welcome you!"
IIyana sensed the danger before she heard the high-pitched sound of a High-Dragon swooping down on them with its predatory claws. Rolling out of the way, IIyana felt Solas' barrier right before he pushed her down.
"Stay down!" Solas commanded before he swung his staff and cast an ice barrier behind her, encasing the two demons rushing for his Inquisitor.
IIyana regained her footing and flickered a fire spell killing the creatures before the pair joined their companions in killing the remaining monsters. They fought their way through the gate separating the yard from the main building before Clarel realized her error and chased after Erimond in his attempt to escape.
With adrenaline pumping through her veins, IIyana sprinted around the corner in hot pursuit of Erimond and Warden Clarel with Solas, Cassandra, and Varric flanking her sides, while Stroud and Hawke guarded their backs against the horde of demons tearing through the veil. Dashing up the flight of stairs, she barely heard Cassandra's warning before the dragon's claws crashed through the building, grasping at whatever it could before she dodged out of the way.
The dragon clawed again, releasing a fiery breath and setting everything in its path on fire. This time, IIyana was able to fade-step out of the way before her armor was encrusted in flames.
"IIyana!" Solas yelled.
"Are you alright, Inquisitor?" Varric added.
"I am fine!" IIyana replied, trying to catch her breath before another hoard of demons broke through the veil.
They took care of the rift quickly and headed upstairs, rounding another corner towards a long, open hallway. IIyana could hear Clarel's voice not too far ahead and she quickened her steps.
"IIyana watch out!" Solas roared from behind. The dragon's claws swiped through the hallway, slicing through her armor and she felt pain tingle up her side.
Fuck - that hurt.
Solas grabbed her from behind and dragged her into the shadows as Hawke blasted an electric storm straight at the dragon's midsection, the creature retreating and howling in pain.
"Are you alright? Where are you hurt?" Solas asked frantically, checking her side for excessive bleeding.
"I'm alright, Solas. But we don't have time for this." IIyana said, struggling to pull out of his arms.
"We will make the time," he hissed.
"And I have a Warden and crazed lunatic to catch, I’m sorry!" She gave him a quick kiss on the lips before yanking free. She ignored Solas' anguish remark and rushed down the corridor, making her way up to the top of the fortress.
Clarel had cornered Erimond on the bridge and was getting ready to cast a storm spell when the dragon tore through the upper tower, grabbed the warden between its razor-sharp teeth, and threw her against the side of the building. Her body hitting the floor like a limp doll. As the dragon stalked and played with its prey, Clarel rolled onto her back and raised her staff to attack.
"In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice," Clarel said before she blasted the dragon with a storm spell that sent it hurtling towards IIyana and her team, crashing until the bridge skidding so far that it slid off the side and fell into the depths below.
"Clarel!" IIyana yelled and ran towards the Warden.
But the impact from the dragon had left the bridge unstable and the stone began to crack, then splinter, and she yelled for everyone to get off the bridge. She felt Sola
s'
hand gripped her tightly as he rushed them off the crumbling structure. Behind her, she heard Stroud fall, Hawke turning back to help him, and she turned around to see them struggling to stay afloat as the bridge gave away.
Pushing Solas unto safety, IIyana turned back to save her companions, ignoring his furious roar. Gliding on the crumbling stones, IIyana desperately reached out her hand towards Hawke, praying that she had enough strength to pull him back towards the ledge. And as her fingers brushed his, IIyana felt the stone beneath her give away.
She was falling.
Shooting like a falling star in the night sky.
And as IIyana plummeted to her inevitable death, the only thought she had was whether Solas would still be upset with her.
Of course, he was. He was Solas.
But he wasn't just Solas now. He was the man she loved - wholeheartedly - and she was more disappointed in herself for not sharing that truth with him. To be fair, she'd almost declared it after he kissed her senseless the morning after their date - and, yes it was officially confirmed as a date - but she'd felt her feelings were too new and thought it was too early to say such things.
And on the way to Adamant, he'd seen to all her needs, even losing sleep so that he may stay awake to keep her company during the watch. As he explained the history of the stars, she'd turned in his arms, looked into his deep blue eyes, the words waiting at the tip of her tongue right before he kissed them away. She'd never felt so taken care of before.
And what about the night before Adamant when he sneaked into her tent? Claiming that he needed a moment of her time to discuss research, practically kicking Cassandra out of her bedroll? He was so quiet that she thought he might be worried about tomorrow.
"Solas, is everything alright?"
He pulled her against his chest, desperately, tightening his arms around her body, and placed a soft kiss against her temple.
'Nothings the matter, m'yana I just missed you, that's all.’
She smiled against his chest. ‘I missed you too, Solas.’
He cuddled her face with both hands before placing soft kisses on her cheeks, eyelids, and lips. In between each kiss, he made her promise to be safe, to stay alert and focused when they find the Warden. Afterward, he'd read to her until she'd fallen asleep, and when her thoughts began to drift, she thought about telling him then.
Ar lath ma, Solas. So very much, she had wanted to say. But she'd fallen asleep and awakened the next morning alone, his scent still lingering on her bedroll.
And now it was too late. Too damn late because she was a coward.
And she was about to die.
She was going to die a very horrible death.
Something big and concrete slammed into IIyana and she whipped around, painfully, struggling to grab onto anything that could break her fall. She felt warm magic sprinkle her skin and she jolted into consciousness. But as she mindlessly grabbed for anything, her hand came back empty. She continued to fall, hitting loose rubble on her way down. The ground was rushing up to meet her and then she glimpsed it - a tiny green shimmer swirling below.
A rift!
She thought she heard Solas screaming for her to activate the anchor, but it was impossible. She must be hearing things because he was safe, not falling to his death, along with her. She heard his voice, closer this time, demanding that she activate the anchor. The desperation in his voice was enough for her to unconsciously raise her hand. She prayed to whichever God listening and activated the anchor.
Solas' face twisted into agonizing horror as he watched IIyana scramble back to help their companions. A cry tore from his throat when the bridge collapsed and she stumbled backward into the abyss. Without hesitation, he launched forward, stepping on the falling stones to swiftly guide him towards her and the blood drained from his face as a huge boulder slammed into her small frame.
She went rigid and fell straight forward like a stack of stone. Casting a barrier around her small frame, Solas conjured whatever healing magic he could and cast it towards IIyana, never breaking his concentration as he rode the crumbling stone towards his IIyana. He heard Cassandra and Varric above him but he paid them no heed. His attention was directed solely on the woman drifting to her death.
No, no,
his mind screamed.
Not when I've just found her. Not when I've just loved her.
Desperation gave him added momentum and Solas cast spell after spell to shield IIyana from the crumbling structure falling from above. He breathed a sigh of relief as she began to move and from the corner of his eye, he caught sight of a shimmer of green - an unsealed rift!
"IIyana!" Solas yelled. "Activate the anchor!" He heard the desperation in his voice and he screamed again.
The rift activated and sucked him into the unknown.
She was drifting. Floating mindlessly in the dark when from afar, she saw a small, white light.
"IIyana." The light said. Pulsating as it said her name again. The soothing voice echoed in the darkness and the closer she drifted towards the light, the stronger it pulsated.
"Inquisitor, can you hear me?"
The voice pulled her forward and IIyana became aware of touch, sound, and the taste of her dry throat. It took her a moment or two to register that the voice belonged to the Seeker.
"Cassandra?" IIyana whimpered. She tried to run but someone was holding her down. Any attempt to open her eyes sent a flash of pain straight to her head.
"Yes, my friend. But I need you to lie still. We do not know yet the extent of your injuries," the Seeker said from IIyana's right.
IIyana felt hands checking her arms and legs for broken bones and winced in pain when familiar hands touched her side. "My side hurts," she cried.
"As it should. Two of your ribs are broken and there is a large gash along the side," Hawke explained.
"That would explain why it hurts like a fucking bitch," IIyana added.
"Language, Inquisitor," Cassandra said, letting out a sigh of relief that her friend will be okay.
IIyana tried to smile but groaned in pain instead.
"You hit your head too, " Varric explained.
"Great," IIyana said. But she soon let out a moan of pleasure when magic flowed into her body, alleviating the aches and pains from her fall. "This is the last time I am playing hero. The next time we are attacked by a High-Dragon with a building crashing unto us, I am leaving all of you behind."
To her left, she heard Stroud say regretfully. "My apologies, Inquisitor. I am the reason you were hurt."
"No worries, Warden," IIyana managed as the pressure in her head began to decrease. "It comes with the job." But there was one voice that remained unaccounted for. "Where's Solas?" She asked, fear lacing her voice.
"I am here, " he replied softly, his magic continued to sweep through her veins, soothing into her body. When finished, Solas caressed her cheeks and she brought her hand to grasp his wrist, neither noticing when the group quietly departed.
She saw the stress on his handsome face, the tightening of his jawline, and the worry in the depth of his blue eyes, before she whispered softly, "I would imagine you are still upset with me."
"Very much."
"Can I ever redeem myself?"
"Possibly."
"Solas," she said.
"You will never do anything like that again, do hear me?"
"It depends. If I agree, will that mean you'll forgive me?"
"Only if you promise to never give me another heart attack."
She scoffed. "But you are young and fit."
"I was a crusty old man only last week, " he smiled.
"Yes, but that was before you'd fallen head over heels in love with me."
"Promise me you won't do anything like that again, Yana."
"And if I can't?" She asked as the strength gradually returned to her body. She waited a moment or two before she opened her eyes to meet his blue ones.
"Then I shall have to chain myself to you," he admitted.
"That sounds delightful." She chuckled - a dry, throaty sound.
"I am serious, m'yana. Promise me you will never endanger yourself like that again."
"I will consider it."
"Then I will take that for now. At least until you are fully healed."
She gave him a small smile as he finished healing her injuries, taking great care to bind her rib cage so as not to hurt her any more than she already was. It was a shame that magic couldn't heal bones but at least her recovery would force her to slow down and not engage impulsively.
He hated that she was in pain but was thankful to find that she'd not sustained any permanent injuries from her fall. Pulling her slowly into a sitting position, Solas kissed her on the forehead before confessing, "you will be the death of me, IIyana."
She gave him a look he couldn't decipher and he was about to ask if she was in pain when her hands glided up to his chest, her face transforming into pure, undeniable love.
"Ar lath ma, Solas," she whispered achingly. "Very, very much."
Without hesitation, he lovingly replied, "Ar lath ma, IIyana Lavellan. Now and always."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Well shit," Varric stated after Solas concluded the rift IIyana activated had cast them into the Fade and somehow all of them had survived.
"I couldn't have said it better myself," IIyana agreed as Solas looked skyward at the dreamlike atmosphere. Admiration had transformed him into a gawking adolescent boy and she heard him say softly, "I never thought I would ever find myself here physically."
"Perhaps you would like a room, Solas?" She smirked. She couldn't help it - he was simply too cute. "Or maybe we should rest awhile while you take care of business in between those rocks. Over there."
Her musical laughter warmed his heart, and Solas laced his fingers with hers, bringing them to his lips for a kiss.
"I am pleased to find you haven't lost your sense of humor, Inquisitor," he admitted softly, earning him one of those blushes he'd come to adore.
"This is not how I remembered the Fade," Hawke stated as he surveyed the dark and twisted landscape made of rock and raw lyrium. Beyond the horizon was a floating island with the shadowy outline of the Black City. Its silhouette is a dark reminder of what it meant to be here physically.
"The Fade reflects the dreams and experiences of the person," Solas explained. "Perhaps it looks different because we are here physically."
"This is incredible - to be here physically... in the Fade," Cassandra replied. The Chantry would never believe this feat was possible - to be here as the Magisters once did before them. It was rare to find Cassandra speechless, even more to find her mystified, and Varric being Varric commented on the rarity of it, only to annoyingly laugh when she sneered.
"You two get a room," Hawke exclaimed before turning his attention to IIyana. "They said you walked out of the Fade in Haven. Is this how you remembered it?"
"To be honest, I still can't remember what happened that night."
"First Adamant, now the Fade." Varric crackled, strapping Bianca safely behind him. "Didn't I say most people would have spread this over more than one day?"
IIyana grinned in response and asked if anyone had any suggestions of how they can leave this place.
Stroud, who'd been quietly assessing their situation since they arrived, finally spoke, his voice laced with concern. "The Fade can be a dangerous place for those that linger. We have to concentrate on the task on hand and find a way out of here." The Warden stated. He was familiar with the manipulative tactics of demons disguising themselves as friendly spirits only to possess the soul who came to trust them. "In the real world, the demons came through a rift in the main hall. Can we escape the same way?" He gestured towards the mass of green energy swirling in the sky. "Can that be a rift?"
IIyana had no idea if that was a rift the Warden was pointing towards but it was better than waiting around here. "Let's find out!"
The group followed her in silence as they trekked through the Fade, each lost in their own fascination of the place. The deeper they ventured, the more powerful the lyrium became until IIyana could feel it tingling against her skin, almost like a second layer. She could feel it seeping into her veins, electrifying her blood until it connected with her magic.
If this was what pure magic felt like, IIyana could understand why the Chantry was afraid of mages. Because no mage should have access to this kind of power. They navigated the Fade for over an hour before their trail led them up a flight of stairs to where a female apparition waited for them.
"Divine Justinia?" Cassandra gasped and rushed towards the entity.
"By the Maker... It can't be." Stroud exclaimed from behind.
"I greet you, Warden. And you, Champion of Kirkwall," the vision before them said.
Not missing the alert expressions on Solas and Varric's faces, IIyana would not be surprised if this was a demon ready to lure Cassie in and possess her form. "Cassandra, you knew the Divine. Is this really her?" she asked steadily.
"I don't know. It is said that the spirits of the dead pass through the Fade and linger... but we know spirits lie." Cassandra sighed heavily. "Be wary, my friend."
Spirit or demon, the thing didn't appear without motivation. "What are your intentions?" IIyana demanded of the Divine.
"I came to help you," the vision smiled. "You do not remember what happened at the Temple of Ashes and I am here to help you regain your memories."
The entity revealed that the Inquisitor's memories were stolen by one of Corypheus' generals - Nightmare, a creature that feeds on terror. The Nightmare was the origin behind the Grey Warden's false calling. By slaying the creature, the Inquisitor will regain her memories.
"When you entered the rift at Haven, the demon took parts of you. Before you do anything else, you must recover them."
Just then, four wraiths appeared and attacked the group.
IIyana felt Solas' barrier wrapped around them before she pulled her staff from behind and cast her spell. The pair fought in sync to kill one of them while the others paired up to defeat the others. As promised, each left a floating orb that revealed a piece of IIyana's memory:
Corypheus preparing the Divine as a sacrifice and the Grey Wardens restraining her with magic. IIyana interrupting the ritual and accidentally touching the orb in the process; the both of them running through for their lives. The Divine sacrificing herself to ensure that IIyana will live.
"Holy shit!" IIyana said as she nearly fell to her knees, nauseous from the revelation that she had not been chosen by the Maker as everyone had believed. She was merely in the wrong place at the wrong time; a freak accident that granted her the power to close the breach.
Even worse, Corypheus had planned to use the anchor to open the Fade and enter the Black City - if he had succeeded, the world would have been blackened by another blight. But she wasn't the only one who saw the vision.
"Those were Grey Wardens we just saw!" Hawke said heatedly. "Their actions led to the Divine's death!"
"I'm sure Corypheyus took over their minds as we already know he can do." Stroud insisted.
Solas and Varric had stepped in between the men, hoping to diffuse the situation.
"Then that means they are vulnerable. Can be easily corrupted and controlled," Hawke sneered. “The Wardens are dangerous."
"Enough you two," IIyana ordered after she had gathered her thoughts. Yes, it did not bode well for the Grey Wardens to have played a part in the Divine's death, but there was nothing anyone of them could do at the moment. "We can discuss this later when we leave this place. I mean it, step down. Now!"
Hawke and Stroud angrily separated and nodded their agreement.
Once Nightmare detected their presence, it became relentless in taunting them with their fears. The more he fucked with them, the more Solas could feel IIyana's heightened distress. Whatever the demon was showing her, scared her, because she flinched when he reached for her. He tried to give her what little comfort he could by reiterating they were in the Fade, soothing her with endearments to no avail. And he felt helpless to do anything else.
Taking the Southern path, the group was attacked by a pair of Terrors and in the midst of the chaos, IIyana became separated and the fog that weathered the Fade enveloping her in darkness. All around her, IIyana could hear the cries of men, women, and children - each screaming for mercy as they burned an agonizing death. Their cries echoed around, seeping into her soul and she began to run. Sprinting as fast as she could - doing whatever she could to get away from the voices.
In the farthest part of her mind, she knew it was Nightmare fucking with her, feeding on her fear, but she had become too caught up in the moment to care.
"Tell me, Inquisitor," Corypheus’ voice rang from above. "Do you think you are worthy? Everything you touch turns to poison. Your lover will die. You will fail him just like you did Eri."
"Shut up! Shut the fuck up!"
IIyana found herself running further and further away, past pools of green, silver waters that drip from the rocks above. She blindly turned left, then right, before she stumbled into an open field and suddenly everything went quiet, the only sound was her ragged breathing and the pounding of her heart. The fog that had circled her began to clear and it took a moment for IIyana to register what she was seeing.
Tombstones ... so many of them .... engraved with the names of her clan, her companions... Solas.
"They will all die and it will be your fault." Nightmare laughed maniacally.
IIyana shook her head in denial.
No ... No ... No ...
She began backing away until her back hit something solid and she turned around quickly, a blade ready to slice the throat of whoever was behind her. Something pranced then, its claws grabbing her by the neck before she was flung, hard, unto the floor. She landed with a thud and nearly passed out from the pain that shot through her system. Breathing heavily, she rolled onto her back, hand raised in front of her to deflect whatever attack was coming in next. She reached for her staff only to realize she'd lost it when she was thrown, and now IIyana's only defense was the anchor. As the creature stalked towards her, IIyana shielded her hand in front of her, ready to activate the anchor and hopefully send it to another part of the realm.
It lunged forward and then howled in pain as it was electrocuted in place, a familiar staff struck a deadly blow to the creatures face before it was pierced in the heart, evaporating into the air.
IIyana let out a sigh of relief. "Holy shit, Hawke."
He scoffed softly before striding towards her to assess the damage. "Varric was right, can't you spread this over more than one day?"
"It's official, you can be my Champion any day."
"I doubt your mage will be delighted to hear that. You elves are a possessive lot. I should know, I'm in love with one." He replied, pleased to see she had not sustained new injuries.
IIyana remembered that Varric had mentioned Hawke was romantically involved with Fenris and that the two of them had mysteriously disappeared together after the Mage Rebellion.
"Does Fenris know you're here?" She asked, despite already knowing the answer.
"He does now."
It didn't take the others long to find them and with Solas' arms wrapped protectively around hers, IIyana found Hawke's gaze. If Fenris loved Hawke as much as she loved Solas, he would never have allowed his lover to come alone. She could only imagine how Fenris must have felt when he returned home to find Hawke gone.
"I promise I will return you safely home, Hawke. You have my word."
Hawke gave her nod of appreciation and the group continued forward.
Eventually, the Divine's spirit led them through a dark, watery passage that led them into a clearing where Nightmare awaited them with his giant pet spider. An open rift rippling not too far behind them.
"You must get through the rift, Inquisitor. Slam it close with all your strength!" The spirit demanded. "Only then will you stop the demon army and banish the cursed creature to the farthest reaches of the Fade!" The spirit began to glow, transcending into a blinding light, and floated towards the demon. "Tell my Leliana, I'm sorry, for failing her too..." Sacrificing itself by using its radiance to flood the lair with an explosion that subdued the spider and transformed Nightmare into its natural form - a Terror Demon with a skeletal frame and razor-sharp tentacles protruding from its back.
The entity was dark, its onyx eyes tore through IIyana and it let out a high-pitched screech before launching forward. The anchor flared and the Fade swirled around her as IIyana pulled her staff in front to quickly cast a barrier around them before Fade stepping out of the way.
She could see Cassandra and Stroud striking their way forward while Solas and Hawke defensively guarded their backs. Varric trailed closely behind her, shooting his arrows in rhythm to her magic. IIyana was blasting the fucker with everything she had until she realized that it had a pattern. Every time the creature was blasted with an electric spell it would growl in pain and conjure Fearlings to attack.
"Solas! Hawke! It's vulnerable to electricity! Varric, get ready to shoot the Fearlings when they arrive! Protect Stroud and Cassandra!" IIyana barked as she circled the perimeter, locking the demon in an electric cage.
They fought in sync, taking turns to cast, strike, and heal until the demon dropped unto its knees before her. Its black eyes laughing hauntingly as it's deathly howl echoed across the Fade.
"You will never escape me ..." it said before falling forward dead.
And IIyana couldn't shake the eerie feeling that it was foreshadowing a certain truth.
"Let's get the fuck out of here!" Varric yelled, pointing to the open rift.
The group raced towards their destination when IIyana felt the ground rumble behind her. Something big was coming and she felt hands pull her back just as a giant tentacle spiked into the spot she had stood a moment before. It continued to knife towards her until Stroud and Hawke pulled them back into the lair. The giant spider had awoken from its temporary slumber and erected to its fullest height, hissing and screeching with its fangs, its massive body creating a barrier between them and the rift.
"We need to clear a path!" Stoud yelled, searching for another way out.
But the only way out was through the spider and it will ensure all of their deaths. IIyana saw a flash of pain flicker across Hawke's face before his jaw tightened. She was already shaking her head before the mage pulled his staff in front of him.
"Hawke, no!" IIyana demanded.
"Go! I'll cover you!" he ordered. But Stroud shook his head, grasping the Champion's forearm, "No! You were right, the Grey Wardens were responsible for this. It is my duty --"
"We don't have time!" Hawke insisted, pushing the group out of the way as the spider spewed poisonous gas at them. From where they stood, Varric and Solas did their best to protect the group with spells and arrows.
"There has to be a better way," IIyana said desperately. "We are all leaving this place alive!"
"You both have to go," Hawke argued. "Stroud needs to help the Wardens rebuild." Dodging out of the way, Hawke struck the spider with a lightning blast, temporarily blinding it before pushing IIyana and Stroud towards safety.
"No, no. NO! Hawke!" She screamed, struggling to break free from Stroud's grip. "I promised you I would return you to Fenris!"
"And I release you from that promise," he said softly. Her eyes widened and as she continued to struggle, Hawke looked over his shoulder at his long time friend. "Varric!" His voice hitched slightly. "You have been a great friend."
IIyana could hear Varric's cries of distress and she cast a small fire spell that had Stroud releasing his hold. She yanked free only to wince in pain as Hawke clipped her on the side with his staff, the pain so consuming she fell to her knees.
"Tell Fenris I love him," he said before turning to Stroud. "Do not let her follow me."
The last thing IIyana remembered was seeing Hawke strike the spider with a deadly blow before she felt hands wrapped around her waist, dragging her through the rift. Her pain knocked her unconscious.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
She'd not been sleeping.And the dark circles accompanying her usually bright eyes became more and more pronounced as they made their week-long journey back to Skyhold.He'd expected her to come to him, to discuss the events that had transpired, and to process the guilt he knew was holding her hostage. Instead, like the stubborn fool she was, IIyana completely withdrew and threw herself into work to Solas' displeasure.On their first day on the road, she kept herself busy in the infirmary from sunrise to sunset, barely taking time to eat or replenish her health. She was exhausting herself on purpose and when Solas pulled her aside to express his concerns, she snapped at him, ordering him to leave her alone. When he stopped by after dinner to check her bandages, she barely uttered a word and he left shortly afterward, frustrated with her cool silence.Her behavior continued into the following day and by that evening, Solas would have counted himself lucky if she remembered he was even alive, and he wasn't the only one who felt her absence. One by one, each member of the inner circle stopped by his tent to express their concerns believing he'd be the one to pull her through.The following morning, Solas attempted to speak with her but she sent him away with a haughty tone, accusing him of hovering, and so he kept himself busy for the rest of the day. But as the camp settled down for dinner that evening, his frustration escalated and all eyes were redirected to the Inquisitor's tent, where Solas had just stormed off muttering a string of elven curses. He was beyond pissed and no amount of support from their companions could sooth his anger. But at about three that morning, the Seeker's voice drifted into his tent pulling him from the Fade and Solas forgot all about their argument."Solas?" Cassandra's soft whisper drifted into his tent. "Are you awake?""What is it, Seeker?""It's the Inquisitor. She is having a nightmare again and I have been trying to wake her but -"Solas didn't wait for her to finish before he was pulling on his shirt and heading towards their shared tent. IIyana was tossing and turning, whimpering in her sleep, and from where he stood, Solas could see that her shirt was soaked through with perspiration."How long has this been happening?" He asked, bending down to touch her forehead."For the past two nights."Solas brought wide eyes to Cassandra. "And you didn't say anything?""She did not wish for you to worry. I confess I had wanted to tell you many times, but I gave my word." Cassandra Pentaghast was a woman of her word and without a doubt, she would have only agreed to the Inquisitor's request out of pure loyalty."I understand, Seeker. She is lucky to have you for a friend." He used his magic to reshape IIyana's dream and cast a calming spell to soothe her back to sleep. He was looking down at her peaceful expression when Cassandra spoke from behind."Be patient with her, Solas. She believes she has disappointed you.""Wherever could she have gotten that idea?""I believe she will tell you when she is ready."Solas thanked the Seeker and returned to his tent, but he didn't get much sleep that night. His mind was fixated on what Cassandra had said and the nagging doubt that IIyana didn't fully trust him to share her doubts. The following night, Solas was awakened two more times until it was finally decided that he would sleep in her tent so as not to disturb the camp. And as he held her against his chest, her heart beating in sync with his, he vowed that he will get to the bottom of this. As Blackwall gazed into the open landscape cast with a million stars, he counted the hours it would take until he could hold Josie in his arms again. He'd been romancing the Ambassador quietly since arriving at Skyhold, and his hand automatically went to his side pocket to grasp the letter she'd sent the day before. They will be home tomorrow. Finally. He was tired of this blasted heat and of waking up with sand between his fucking balls. He was ready for a hot meal, a hot bath, and to cuddle with Josie's warm body until the sun eclipsed the sky. Yes, he was ready to go home.A noise from behind, had Blackwall turning around to greet IIyana as she dragged her feet to where he kept watch. The Inquisitor had not been the same since she escaped the Fade and he suspected it had everything to do with Hawke. They've all been worried about her but found some relief when Solas pulled them all aside to brief them on her health, stressing that if they saw her napping throughout the day, to let her be."My Lady," Blackwall greeted as she IIyana came to stand next to him, surveying the landscape for movement."Seen anything interesting?""No, it's been quiet," he said, glancing up at her. She looked like death and he turned slightly towards her just in case she collapsed from exhaustion. "You should head back to bed. I will take the next watch.""No way, Josie will kill me if she knew I worked you to death. Besides, I can't sleep.""Can't sleep or won't sleep?" Blackwall asked as he scooted to make room for IIyana. "Solas will kill me if he knew I didn't follow his orders."She chuckled dryly - more than a croak than a small laugh."You should have seen him after Haven. When he believed you dead he became crazed with grief and then a man possessed after you were discovered." He glanced toward the horizon beyond. "Love can do strange things to a man," he sighed heavily."Are you saying you're in love with my Ambassador?" IIyana asked and laughed when the Warden blushed. Josie and Blackwall was Skyhold's best-kept secret.They sat in comfortable silence, each enjoying the cool breeze, a reprieve from the hot summer heat. IIyana felt her eyes flutter and she began to drift, yawning softly, catching Blackwall's attention. He ordered her to go to bed but she just stared into the vast dark landscape before them, her mouth set in a hard line."Something on your mind, my Lady?"There was a list of things on her mind. Hawke's death continued to haunt her and she couldn't fathom how she would tell Fenris. How could she tell him that she was responsible for his lover's death? The death of the man he loved? Then there was Varric. She didn't know how to comfort him and she couldn't find the words to ease his pain. Every time she glanced his way, she remembered the role she played his friend's death. Her thoughts were filled with Hawke and Varric; Hawke and Fenris; more Hawke. She thought of giving him an excuse but then quickly changed her mind. "Blackwall ..." she finally said."Yes, my Lady.""I hate when it’s night time." "Whatever you have to say, I am ready to hear it," Blackwall assured."I don't know what to say to Varric." She confessed with a lopsided smile. "It's ridiculous, isn't it? I am the Inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste, and I can't find the words to comfort my friend.""Guilt can be a crippling thing.""I wished I had never asked him to seek out Hawke. If I hadn't, his friend would still be alive today.""Varric does not blame you for Hawke's death, Inquisitor. None of us do.""Thank you for the words of encouragement.'"Hawke chose to stay." Blackwall stated. "I read the report. Everyone wrote that you struggled to save the Champion before he knocked you unconscious.""He didn't have a choice. We were trapped," she explained. "It doesn't matter what the report says. In the end, I was their leader and I failed to bring everyone home.""Yes and no. You did stop Corypheus from getting his demon army and preserved the legacy of the Grey Wardens for generations to come. The point is, we are at war, my Lady, none of us are guaranteed to live another day. Hawke knew the risks when he made the decision to join us," Blackwall insisted."I could have still found another way.""In hindsight, maybe. But I highly doubt it with a giant spider in front of you. You were trapped." He reiterated with a small smile. "You feel powerless because Hawke made the decision you couldn't."The truth hit her like an arrow and her breath hitched, making it difficult to breathe.Blackwell continued to ease her mind. "You wanted Hawke to live because you care for Varric and you made a promise to Fenris. A man you haven't met. I know what it feels like when you fail to keep promises. But in the end, Stroud was the logical choice.”IIyana let out a heavy sigh of defeat. "I feel terrible for agreeing with you," she admitted. "It doesn't make you a bad leader or a bad person for admitting the truth. You care about your people. It's what makes you a great leader, my Lady" Blackwall admitted and clipped her underneath the chin."Thank you, Blackwall. For listening ... and understanding.""It's my pleasure." He replied. His watch was coming to an end. "Although, you should talk to Solas. He is driving all of us mad with his dark mood."IIyana laughed. Yes, she owed Solas an apology for her petty behavior. She thought of what she would say and how she would say it, and then she felt the nagging doubt of dread. Turning to Blackwall, she gave him a knowing stare. "Do you ever get scared that Josie will be disappointed in you? I mean, the more she comes to know you and the more you show her who you really are. Do you ever wonder if she will ---""Not accept me for who I am?" He interrupted with a grin."Exactly.""I fear it every day. But all it takes is for her to smile at me, and immediately, I want to become a better man.""Holy shit, Blackwall. I didn't realize you were such a romantic.""I can give you some pointers, my Lady."She smiled and for the first time since their journey home, IIyana felt relaxed. “I sometimes wonder if Solas is disappointed in me,” IIyana confessed after a while. “People usually see the myth when they look at me and I’m afraid the more choices I make for Inquisition, the more he’ll realize that I’'m not who he wants me to be. I’m afraid he’ll realize I’m just an elf trying to navigate my way into the world just like everyone else.”"I don't believe he would have you any other way.""How are you so sure?""Because I just know. Call it male intuition, if you must.""Alright, as a man. Do you think he'll forgive my petty behavior this past week.” "I believe the man will forgive you anything, my Lady."IIyana was surprised to find how relatable Blackwall was. Other than the information Leliana had briefed her on prior to recruiting him in the Hinterlands, IIyana knew next to nothing about that Warden. But it didn't matter, not anymore. Because he'd become her friend. "You are absolutely right, the man does find me incredibly irresistible," she said cheekily. And from where he stood in the shadows, Solas couldn't help but smile as his IIyana's laughter drifted into the night sky. They continue talking about a variety of things until IIyana finally drifted to sleep, never noticing that Solas had joined them the moment she sat next to Blackwall."How is she?" He asked"Asleep, finally," Blackwall said as he shifted IIyana into Solas' arms. The way the mage looked down at the sleeping Inquisitor reminded him of the first time Josie had confessed her love for him. "Go ahead. I will take the next watch." Solas didn't look up when he offered his thanks, his attention directed only at the woman he loves. "Thank you, Warden," he said, cradling her protectively in his arm as he headed back to their tent. IIyana shivered lightly against the crisp, morning air and felt Solas' strong arms pulling her tightly against his body. She took advantage of his warmth by burrowing closer, tilting her face to meet his gaze. His eyes were tired and tension lined the corner of his mouth. His usually handsome face strained with concern and he'd lost weight. I've done this to him because I refused to let him in, IIyana thought.A burning ache swirled in the pit of her stomach and pain flickered in her eyes. Solas, believing he'd hurt her with his embrace, immediately loosen his hold, his frantic hands reaching for the ends of her shirt to check the bandages. "IIyana, I’m sorry," his voice cracked. "I didn't mean to hurt you." He'd been so tender and generous towards her and she'd treated him like shit because she couldn't find the words to express how she'd felt. And yet he remained loving, caring, as he was now."You didn't," IIyana said quickly and grasped his wrist, giving him a half-hearted smile. Her side no longer hurt and the bones she'd cracked had been numbed with magic. She noticed the dark circles underneath his eyes then and felt like such a selfish dick for the suffering he'd endured because of her. "You have not been sleeping," she whispered."I was worried about you."Her talk with Blackwall had helped her see that she'd detached herself from him, and in doing so, she'd hurt him deeply. "I'm sorry I shut you out." She whispered. She apologized again and again and again until the tension eased from his face and his eyes locked with hers in shared understanding. "I will never do so again. I promise, Solas."He accepted her apology by brushing his lips against her soft ones and deepening it when her hand guided to cup his cheek. He'd missed her and he never wanted to go through this again. He tasted her sorrow, her pain, and he vowed to never let her suffer alone again, even if she tried to push him away. "I need you. Desperately." She confessed against his lips and all the angst Solas felt over the past week melted away as she took control and claimed his lips with scorching hunger.IIyana did not shy away from his heat and kissed him back with all the passion she'd felt. With a swiftness, she rolled on top to straddle his hip and softly chuckled at his surprised grunt. His hands glided up her legs until they gripped her hips firmly and she encouraged his touch by running her hands beneath his shirt, exhaling in pleasure at the firm muscles beneath her hands. She gazed down at him, and in her bright green eyes, he could see all the love she held from him. He loved her and he wanted to feel all of her. He'd never taken liberties before, had never explored more than his integrity would allow, but as she gazed down at him with passion lidded eyes, his resolve broke and his hands curved around to the front of her shirt. Slowly, painfully slowly, his fingers dipped into the lacing that held her shirt together, and he began loosening it until he pulled it off her lithe frame. He used both hands to unclip her breast band and swallowed inaudibly as the garment fell to the side."Vhenan... " Solas said as his hands trailed the flatness of her stomach, curving up her side until he filled both his palms with her breasts, molding and teasing her nipples until they peaked. "You are so beautiful," he whispered huskily before trailing hot kisses along her neck, claiming her mouth with a deep and long kiss. She moaned loudly as his fingers pinched her nipple, and he tumbled her back - she welcomed the weight of him. Wanting to feel his skin against hers, IIyana pulled at the ends of his shirt until finally their naked flesh was pressed together."I missed you, " he said huskily before dipping his head to take her nipple into his mouth. He was doing magical things with his devilish tongue - flickering, sucking, pulling - while his other hand glided towards the lacing at her breeches. She held her breath, waiting in anticipation, as his fingers found their way down her smalls and then -- She arched her back, moaning into his mouth. She was so tight, so warm, and his cock hardened as she melted into his touch. "You are so wet, m'yana." Solas pressed his hardened length against her and IIyana's legs naturally widened, welcoming the pressure of his warmth. "I want to taste you, " he pleaded and all she could manage was a small moan of pleasure as he slipped another finger into her warmth. Solas licked his way down to her navel, his free hand pulling at her breeches. Again, he unwrapped her as if she was the precious of gifts, taking his time to nuzzle his way between her legs, until she was spread open, her flesh swollen from need. She was beautiful like this - wet, panting, aroused - and his cock strained painfully to be inside of her. Her submission was all the encouragement he needed as he slowly licked her slit, stopping at the small peak that had her dripping against his lips. Then he thrust his tongue into her hungrily, invading her tight sheath with intentional delight.And oh, the musical sounds she made. Mythal's fucking blessing , IIyana's mind screamed. She arched her hips, inviting his mouth to invade deeper, longer, and she was crying and begging for the release that was tightening within her belly. "I want you inside me, " she managed to gasp. "Now. Please...." Her body throbbed and only he could relieve her ache. Solas pushed away to unlace his breeches, hissing in response when her fingers wrapped around his rigid cock. Her touch was exactly as he'd dreamed and he nearly spilled into her hands. IIyana slid one leg up against his side, wrapping around his waist, bringing him closer. She felt him circling the head of his cock around her entrance ready to thrust home, and she spread her legs wider, ready to be taken.Suddenly, like a comedic play, Dorian's dramatic voice crashed into the tent and the two naked lovers froze in place. "IIyana, this has gone long enough." The mage chided. "As your friend, your best friend, it is my duty to -- Oh. Oh! Oh my...""What the fuck, Dorian!" IIyana screamed in frustration as she and Solas scrambled to cover their naked bodies. And to her utter embarrassment, her best friend had the audacity to stare at her man with open admiration. No shame at all as he openly gawked at Solas' hidden gems."No wonder you're such an arrogant bastard," Dorian smiled appreciatively. "Oh, don't mind me. Please do carry on.""GET OUT!" Solas hissed."I’m leaving." Dorian said. But in true Dorian fashion, he made sure the entire camp heard his complaints as he sashayed out of their tent. "Be careful you don't tear her in half with that big dick of yours, Solas!"And poor Solas, it didn't help that IIyana broke down in a heap of laughter. Because yes, who knew that Solas was very hung. Later that morning, as the Inquisition broke down camp, Blackwall and Solas stood side by side, each wearing a smile as they watched IIyana walk towards Varric, two steamy mugs in her hand.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It occurred to IIyana that she knew close to nothing about love and she hadn't the slightest clue as to how she should romance Solas appropriately.She'd never been one who was good about expressing her feelings verbally and she felt weirdly shy about pouring her heart in that specific way, even though she'd done it on more than one occasion with him. She was also not one to buy gifts, although she did request Josie to commission him a new set of paint brushes. She loved to praise him with compliments, validation, and support; although she winced uncomfortably when he returned the favor.And while he may not whisper sweet nothings in her ear or spill his heart out daily, IIyana soon discovered to her great pleasure, that he was an openly affectionate lover who took great pride in caring for the woman he loves. He had a wonderful way of expressing how he felt about her through all the little things he did - sending her love notes, listening to her vent and moan, giving her his undivided attention - and of course, in the way he touched her.When Solas pressed his cheek against IIyana, all of her worries melted away, and that is love.His caress lingered in every kiss, every hug, every time he tilted her chin to look into her eyes. In these rare moments, she felt his presence and they connected as one. When his arms wrapped around her frame, pulling her close into his warmth, she felt safe and secure, grounded, as if he were the calm to her erratic storm. Not only did his touch signify warmth and loving attention, but it was also a prelude of the depth of his feelings. No, he may not whisper sweet nothings into her ear but IIyana knew she was truly and deeply loved. In the way he touched her.And how he did touch her. Subtle caresses that touched her on so many levels. Ever since THAT night, his touch had become more sensual... intentionally. Lately, his hungry eyes began following her with the promise of burning desire, and they both knew it was only a matter of time before he claimed her for his own. Shaking the memories of that night from her mind, IIyana thought of the different ways she could show Solas what he meant to her but she hadn't a clue. She wasn't romantic... but she did know someone who was.Cassandra.Cassandra and her hours and hours of trashy smut novels. With a quick turn, IIyana headed downstairs to find the Seeker.As for Solas, loving IIyana came naturally. As naturally as breathing air or flickering his wrist to cast a spell. He never thought that she would be the one to hold his heart, but she'd knocked through his barriers before he'd even know what had happened. She was shy with her affections but openly generous when encouraged. There were times when he'd be reminded of his path and the shadows will cloud his mind with doubt, but all it took was for IIyana to put her arms around him and he was home. He didn't have a reason not to love her, and he'd confessed that to Wisdom as the two lingered in the Fade."I am happy for you, Solas." Wisdom giggled as his face flushed with embarrassment. "Love suits you.""Yes, I believe it does.""She makes you happy?""Very much." And as she predicted, pain flickered across his face with his admission. In his long life, there have only been two other women Solas had ever spoken of and both have hurt him deeply, both leaving scars that have impeded deeply into his core self. But she suspected that Solas' love for IIyana ran deeper than he could ever imagine and she believed their love will ultimately heal him in the end. "She is not like the others," Wisdom stated. "She will not betray you nor will she shun you in fear. IIyana will love you for you." Wisdom assured.Solas shrugged off the painful memories. He’d been betrayed by the one person he’d trusted. He could feel the bitterness rise up in him and he shook the feeling away. He did not want to taint IIyana's memories with the past. "You are correct, IIyana is not like them," he agreed."I look forward to meeting your IIyana, Solas.""I shall arrange it." It was late into the evening when Solas made his way back towards the rotunda, a handful of books stacked up to his chin, sidestepping the newly arrived guests from Val Royaleux, and muttering a quick thanks to Varric as he held the door open. Solas was relieved to find the rotunda empty, saved from the occasional breeze that drifted from the rafters above and set the books down with a heavy thud before glancing around, wondering where IIyana could be. He'd grown accustomed to their nightly routine of reading together in the rotunda before he regrettably escorted her back to her room, and he swallowed his disappointment in finding that she was not here as agreed. As he waited, Solas rearranged the books in order of significance, glancing up at the time, before returning his attention back to his desk.
What could be keeping her at this hour?
Solas leaned against the desk, drumming his fingers along the wood, counting to ten before he pulled away and began pacing the length of the room. Could she be with the Commander? IIyana had been training with him the majority of the day, and Solas was still convinced Cullen had not completely exercised the Inquisitor from his heart. Although he suspected the Commander was too honorable to do anything that would compromise his integrity. He glanced at the time again - ten minutes.
Where was she?
He let out a disappointed sigh before he made his way back to his desk, shifting the chair aside to sit down, and that was when he saw the little white note inscribed with his name.
Meet me on the rooftop
IIyana.
What was she up to now? , Solas thought as he memorized the map she'd drawn and made his way to where she waited. He couldn't imagine what she could be doing outside on a rooftop, in the middle of the night, and frowned slightly when he felt the cold chill his bones. It was so like her to not think of her health, running amok with no care for her overall sense of well being. He was shaking his head at her lack of awareness when the directions led him into a very familiar room. The same one he'd brought her to the first time he kissed her."Up here!" Her musical voice drifted from the open skyline that led up to the roof. Crossing the room, he took the steps leading up to the ladder and made his way up. "IIyana, I can't imagine what you could be doing up here at this time of night. It's cold. You'll get sick --" Solas' voice trailed off as he hoisted himself up.IIyana was standing in the center of the rooftop, nervously biting the side of her lips as she kept warm by a man-made replica campfire, by her feet was a basket of cheese and bread and a bottle of wine. Behind her, was a ready made tent for two - the exact one they've shared on the return home from Adamant. Solas swallowed inaudibly as he took a step forward. He'd taken himself in hand too many nights to count and it didn't help that he could still taste her on his lips. He kept his gaze directed at her. Anywhere but at the tent."Hi," she greeted breathlessly."Hello," he replied.She felt her heart launched violently as he took another step towards her and she counted her breath silently, hoping she wouldn't lose her courage before she ruined the evening with her ramblings. "I didn't think you'd come.""It took some time, but I will always find my way back to you." He answered honestly, then taking into account the way she bit her lips, clenched her hands. She was nervous. "What's all this, IIyana?" She bit her lip again and cast her gaze down, hiding the beautiful blush that crest her cheeks, and Solas' heart erupted. He needed to hold her, to feel her body against his. He needed to know she was real and not a fragment of his dreams. And, it took all his strength to not cross to where she stood and crushed her against him. But as she continued to stay silent, her heart beating nervously, old memories began to surface and Solas could feel a tinge of doubt. Why was he being so neurotic? He wondered if his talk with Wisdom had made him melancholy all over again. "Solas," IIyana finally managed. "I have something to say and I need you to listen." She clasped and unclasped her hands, obviously uncomfortable with what will occur in the next few minutes, and he braced himself for the blow of disappointment he knew will cripple him for a lifetime. Unsure of what she was trying to say, his mind already creating a narrative of heartache, pain, and loneliness, Solas could only answer honestly. "I don't understand, IIyana."IIyana bit her lips again, this time trying to hide her smile. "Please promise me you won't think I’m foolish?""Why would you think that I would think you are foolish?""Because I've thought a lot about what I would have said if I had replied to your letters. And I thought that this was the perfect setting for how I should share it with you," she continued." Solas realized then his error - and he flushed - all the way to the tip of his ears. She was nervous about something else altogether."I promise," he said softly. "Or find it ridiculous.""I wouldn't dare.""And you can't use this against me for the next couple of weeks, especially when I --""IIyana, you have a strong right hook. I wouldn't want to feel that again." He interrupted with a smile.She blushed.Another blush to go with the many ones he had stored in memory."Say it," she demanded quietly."On my honor, Inquisitor."IIyana gave him a nod, pleased with his response. She found him incredibly handsome tonight and her anxiety slowly formed butterflies in her stomach. She was rambling on about the night sky - something about her initial beliefs about him being wrong - and he'd confessed that he barely heard a word she was saying.Solas was too busy memorizing every line of her lovely face. He'd not seen her all day and he'd missed her. The way her eyes twinkled when she gave him a smile. And as she continued to speak, his eyes finally took in his surroundings. Her words. Then the significance of what she was trying to do.
She was trying to romance him.
He became transfixed with her nervousness and the mischievous part of him sparked to life. The words leaving his mouth before he could retract them."Are you trying to seduce me, IIyana?" Her head jerked up and she froze, her face turning scarlet from his teasing."What - NO!" she insisted. "That's not what I was doing at all.""You lured me out into the cold, knowing full well I'll have to cuddle next to you. I'm amazed you haven't thrown me into that tent and have your way with me."Her eyes widened in shock, her mouth agape in denial. He swept her into his arms then, chuckling softly against her temple. "I've never known you to stutter before," he whispered huskily."I've never been in love before" she blurted, brushing her lips against his neck, lacing her arms around his neck. How was it possible that all it took for him to believe he was home was to have her arms wrapped lovingly around him? He pulled her closer, enjoying the feel of her against his frame, appreciating the comfortable silence between them."What would you have said in your letters to me?" He asked curiously and tilted her chin to meet his blue eyes."I would have said I thought you incredibly intriguing the first time I met you," she confessed. A smile tugged slowly at the corner of his lips, and he rubbed his nose against hers, encouraging IIyana to continue. "And, that I became aware of your handsomeness when we trekked through the Hinterlands to deliver flowers for --""Senna," he interjected."You remembered?" She said, giving him a tender loving smile."How could I forget the day I fell in love with you?""You didn't even like me.""I will never lie to you, IIyana,” Solas promised. “I fell in love with you that day and it was my own stupidity that left me blinded in my feelings for you.""Dorian would never believe me when I tell him you openly admitted you were wrong.""You have that effect on me," he said, driving her to distraction with his lingering hands. His breathing roughened. The scent of her here was clean like the morning after a fresh spring rain. Solas drew closer, drawing in more of her enchanting scent. "You make me want to be a better man."No one has ever said anything like that to her before, and to her mortification, IIyana felt tears gathered around her eyes. "When did you realize you had feelings for me, Solas?""After Redcliffe." He whispered softly. His arms had tightened in response and he began to sway their bodies together. "And you?""After Haven," she whispered and the ache in her voice had him gazing down to sweep the tears that had slid from her lashes, tracing the curve of her cheek. "Why the tears, Vhenan?""I don't know," she admitted with a lopsided smile. She didn't know why her heart was beating so painfully against her chest. "I find that my mind escapes me when I am with you.""Could it be because you love me?""I do. So very much." She said tenderly. "I know I can be stubborn, and reckless, and impulsive. Flighty, too. But I want you to know that I have never been surer of anything in my life." She searched his gaze with a long, wondrous stare. "I brought you here because somewhere underneath the stars of Thedas, I fell in love with you, and I wanted to show you how much you mean to me by taking you back to where it started.""Say it again, IIyana. I need to hear you say it again," he begged against her lips. Without a doubt, he knew she loved him with every fiber of her being, but he needed to hear her say it again -not because she nearly died, but because she truly and deeply loved him as he did her. " Ar lath ma, Solas. Very much. I love you, very, very much.""IIyana," he said huskily, holding her against his violently thumping heart. "You are the reason my heart beats. I need you... I need you so much."She brought her lips to his hot and hungry mouth and allowed him to consume her like wildfire. She burned happily, brightly, as his hands roamed the length of her body, curving back to cup her breast. She felt the familiar ache and this time, she tilted her head slightly to look at him as he feasted on the tender side of her neck. Breathing heavily, he reluctantly pulled away, and she could feel the violent struggle inside him. The desperation he was trying to restrain. They were both remembering that night. But this time, there was no one to interrupt them, only the fear of what tomorrow will bring should they choose to pursue it. IIyana felt him move aside to set her away from him but she pulled him closer. She stared at him, searching his gaze for any signs that indicated he didn't want this as much as she did. When she didn't find any, she licked her lips and pleaded softly."Make love to me, Solas. Please."His eyes burned into hers before she heard him say, " Ma nuvenin , m'yana."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Solas' heart pounded furiously as he followed IIyana across the battlements, through the rotunda, and towards the dark hallway leading into her chamber. All the while neither spoke, as if to do so would give voice to the rest - the doubt, the fears, and the world beyond. They arrived at her door and she paused slightly, turning to look at him with a tremulous, uncertain gaze, as he reached for the handle, the metal cold in his hand. He searched her gaze for any objections and heard himself say, thickly, "Are you sure, IIyana?" And in those ensuring seconds, time came to a standing still.She stared at him for an eternity before she blushed pink, placing her hand over his, and he felt his heart erupt with joy when she moved past him, taking the steps leading into the bedroom, while he warded the door behind him. IIyana walked to the center of the room, her heart pounding, knowing that she should speak. Except that when she turned to face him, his back was pressed against the wall, his gaze unwavering, and she could not find the words. She only knew the longer he stared, the more it seemed everything was unraveling around her, falling away and leaving her exposed and vulnerable until she only wanted to touch, to feel.
To be loved by him.
From where he stood, Solas memorized every curve of her lovely face with undeniable pleasure. It was strange - this desire above all else, to be wanted, needed, and loved ... whenever he looked into her green eyes. She'd been something from a dream who broke through his defenses and touched his heart, lighting it aflame. He approached her slowly, his voice deep with emotion as he reached for her. "IIyana, IIyana, m'yana." Smoothing her hair to cup the sensitive side of her scalp and cradling her head to meet his gaze. IIyana drew in a shaking breath and slowly tilted her head to receive his kiss. She found herself crushed against him, his mouth seizing hers with gentle violence, and she hummed in pleasure as his hands shifted over her back and sides in a possessive caress, pressing her even tighter to his chest. He slowly coaxed her lips apart and deepened the kiss until she was breathless, having to lean into him, fitting her body into his rigid length. When he finally broke the contact, he kissed her eyes, her cheek, then laid his jaw against her hair. "Ar lath ma, IIyana," he whispered tenderly. "Ar lath ma.”IIyana wanted him to kiss her again but she suddenly felt shy and uncertain, and she tipped her head back, gazing into his heavy-lidded, smoldering eyes. "I don't know why I am so nervous," she confessed with a small smile. "Don't be. I have you," he whispered gruffly.Slowly, painfully slowly, he glided his hands up to the buttons of her blue tunic and began undressing her, kissing every inch of her exposed skin until he was bending before her, pledging his fidelity. He pushed the garment off her shoulders, guiding her towards the bed and gently laid her down. He unlaced her breeches and slowly pulled them off, enjoying the feel of her silking skin against his rough hands, until she was naked before him. The tent had been dark that night, leaving much to the imagination. But here in the moon-lit room, with its light cascading unto the bed and illuminating her in an ethereal glow, he'd thought it impossible for her to not be a dream. She was stretched out, a tussle of white hair tumbling down to cover her breasts, looking like a golden goddess. He let out a strangled breath. "You are so beautiful," he managed thickly. Solas stretched out beside her, taking her lips in a long, lingering caress, his hands sliding up and down her sides, until they cupped her breasts, palming the mounds until her nipples peaked. She closed her eyes, loving the feel of him so close to her and she let out a small whimper when his mouth trailed down to her breasts, kissing each before taking a nipple in his mouth. His tongue flicked playfully over the taut nipple, licking, pulling, biting. He nipped and soothed to the music of her cries. Solas could feel his erection pressing painfully against his breeches as he glided his fingers into her warmth. His strokes were slow and relentless until her body began to deliciously tense, wanting to spill over. Solas felt her clench around his fingers and he began to whisper endearments into her ears, then sex words as his fingers stroked, becoming smoother and silkier, until she was panting, arching against his hand. Before she could utter a plea, he pulled her high enough to fasten his mouth on her breast and she was moaning loudly, as he resumed his rhythm. He could smell her need, could taste it against his tongue.He moved his way down until he was settled between her warmth, draping her legs over his shoulders, leaving long, wet kisses along her inner thighs. "You are so perfect --" He flickered his tongue over the heat of her, sending a shock of sensation through her body. His mouth descended to the crest of her sex, sucking, licking, and she raised her hips to meet his hungry mouth. Her cries echoed through the chamber and she tried to close her legs, only to have him pin them down, spreading her wider as his tongue penetrated her wet core. She tasted just as he remembered, if not better, and the little mewling sounds she was making had his cock dripping with need. Solas could feel the pleasure claw at her, demanding freedom, and then she arched - stars shooting across her vision. He rode her waves of pleasure by capturing her essence, moaning as warm honey melted into his tongue. IIyana collapsed back on the bed, breath ragged, unable to form thoughts into words. She felt beautiful, desired. She felt like a damn woman. Solas brought his lips back to hers, kissing her hotly, before pulling away to discard his clothing. He was beautiful. All leaned muscled, solid and strong. IIyana guided her hands over his body eagerly, appreciatively, and she lavished over his skin with care. She was surprised to find scars - very old ones - covering the length of his body and she kissed each one, taking care to worship each with love.Her touch was so tender, so loving, that it burned him alive. He couldn't find the words because his mouth had run dry, and so he crushed her into him for a kiss, molding her against his body. She was more than ready when he positioned himself at her entrance, and like before, he teased her like wildfire until the tip of his cock was coated with her wetness. Her moan was greeted with his deep sigh as he slowly slid home, painfully slow until he was buried deep, his body a welcoming weight on top of hers. Finally, their starving bodies screamed."Solas," she breathed, withering beneath him. The movement sunk him deeper into her and she muffled her cries against his neck. She felt so hot, so tight, and he clenched his jaw tightly for control as her flesh closed around his cock with pulsating heat. His hands tightened in her hair, cradling her in place, his mouth dragging over hers, again and again, until she was breathless. "Look at me, " he demanded and she brought her eyes to his. "You're mine. You belong to me, IIyana. I want to hear you say it." "Yes," she cried as he slid nearly out of her only to glide slowly back in, deeply until he touched her womb. "Yes, Solas. I am yours." With deliberate slowness, he teased her again, over and over again, until she was sobbing from the torment. He was milking all the pleasure from her body and she was powerless, could only submit in kind. As his pace increased, Solas' cock was gripped and stroked by her wet sex, and he found himself cursing softly against her skin. IIyana felt herself spiraling, losing control, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, sinking him deeper into her silken heat. Their coupling became wild, primal, and she wanted him to lose control. "Harder." She bit his ear, whimpering with each thrust. "Take me harder, Solas." He found her begging, pleading incredibly arousing and Solas growled against her ear, granting her wish by flipping her unto her stomach. Running his hands along her back before gripping the curve of her butt, biting and soothing her cheeks with his lips. He pulled her against his aching cock and gripped her hair possessively, pulling her into a scorching kiss, before pressing his hand along her back to push her down. She was pink, swollen... dripping wet, and he dipped his fingers into her flesh until she was sobbing, riding against his fingers."Tell me what you want, IIyana.""I want you, inside me," she gasped, reaching back to pull at his cock. Weeping with pleasure as he entered her. Hard. Deeply. And she moaned into the sheets. "Like this?" He demanded, gripping her waist as he rolled his hips into her. Again and again. She cried out, pleading into the sheets. "Yes... yes... just like that. Please don't stop." Her pleas became louder and louder. "Fenedhis, IIyana. You feel so good. I want to feel you come around me, m'yana," his words ending on a moan as she clinched her sex, purposefully, driving him insane. His pace quickened in response, and he felt himself losing control, nearly at the edge of release. He drove into her again and again until she was gripping for anything to hold as her body curled, tightening around him. "Come for me, IIyana." He brought his fingers to the tips of her sex and stroked her fire with skillful manipulation until she screamed his name for all of Skyhold to hear and sobbed in pleasure at the intensity of her release. Solas thrust into her deeply. Once. Twice. Finally, he spilled his seed into her warmth. Solas collapsed into her arms afterward in complete fulfillment. In the dying flickering candlelight, Solas gazed down tenderly at the beauty who was nestled against him, her tousled hair spilled lavishly across his chest. Brushing a lovely curl to the side, he drew her closer and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “ Ar lath ma, vhenan, " he breathed softly. He knew she was asleep, drifting safely in the Fade, but he needed to say the words to her again and again. It would be twilight soon and he pulled the blanket closer to her shoulder, not wishing for her to catch a chill. He glanced down at their entwined fingers and brought them to his lips for a gentle, lingering kiss, before placing them over his heart. In his long life, he'd never flirted or teased a woman simply for the enjoyment of counting her blushes. He'd never look forward to her smiles, her laughter, the way her head tilted slightly in awe as she gazed across the room at him. He'd never spent the night just talking, laughing - or simply enjoying her presence. He'd never thought of wanting to be the best version of himself, had ever needed to. He'd never wanted to hold a woman's hand as he made love to her. He'd never thought of it, until now.
Until you, IIyana.
The anchor awakened, shimmering soft light across her sleeping face, and she began to stir, breathing his name in a dreamy whisper. "Shhhhhh, go back to sleep." Solas murmured against her hair. He'd reached for her twice more in the middle of the night, taking her with a sense of urgency that left her exhausted until she finally drifted to sleep. And now he wanted her to get some rest, frowning at the faint, dark circles already lining her eyes- although he did not regret that it came from their lovemaking. "On dhea," she greeted instead, giving him a sheepish smile.Smiling at her stubbornness, he brushed the sleep from her eyes, kissing her forehead softly. "How are you this morning?""I ache in all the right places," she confessed. Loving how her body still sang with the memory of his touch, she rolled onto her back and stretched lazily, her thoughts drifting to the night before, then to what he had claimed the night they had dinner in the rotunda. She smiled at the memory and her shoulders began to shake with mirth. "What's so amusing, IIyana?" He asked, enjoying the feel of her happiness against his skin. "Your reputation does proceed you," she finally declared with a satisfied smirk.He threw his head back in laughter and her heart swelled with love. She'd never seen him this carefree, at peace with the world, and she melted back into his arms. "I take it you enjoyed yourself.""It was alright," she teased and yelped as he smacked her butt."I didn't recall you complaining when you asked me to, take you harder. Or the second or third time you screamed my name." He nuzzled the side of her throat, sending delicious chills throughout her body. "Should I refresh your memory?""Everyone would hear," she said lamely. That didn't deter him from continuing to assault her senses with his kisses or from his body coming alive. The pink and purple streaks of dawn had already painted the sky and soon the castle would begin to stir, but she arched against him anyway, his weight pressing her into the bed. "I'll be quick," he promised.She linked her hands around his neck and smiled, "Oh please. You are too generous of a lover.""Generous lover - that's an improvement.""Don't push your luck, old man."He rolled her on top of him, kissing the corner of her eye, cheek, and then breast. "I love it when you're mean to me." IIyana tried to playfully smack him only to have him pull her against his rigid cock. "And, the things you do to me."She gave him a suggestive smile. "Perhaps I should demonstrate how mean I can be."His smug smile soon turned into a painful groan as her hand glided down his chest and dipped underneath the sheets. "Vhenan," Solas moaned with anticipation."Yes, Solas?" IIyana's hand stroked the length of his cock in slow, tortuous motions until he grew hard, painfully hard. Then she swirled her thumb around its head until Solas glistened with his own seed. "I want to hear you scream my name," she confessed with a devious smile. "IIyana," he whimpered. Her hands stroked and clenched as if he was inside of her and Solas moaned and pleaded, afraid that if she didn't stop, he'll spill into her hand. "Please - I can't... take --" his next breath trailed off and his world exploded as IIyana slid down his body and her mouth wrapped around his cock.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"I know my son."Quickly scanning the letter Mother Giselle had received from his family, Dorian scoffed and shook his head as he paced around the little library nook he often frequented. He didn't know what annoyed him more: the fact that his father sent someone else to do his dirty work, or that he had the nerve to pretend he cared."What my father knows about me would barely fill a thimble."IIyana grimaced as Dorian clutched the letter tightly in his fist and regretted her decision to bring it to his attention today. When Mother Giselle had requested her assistance, IIyana had been furious with the Revered Mother's suggestion to not show Dorian the letter. Perhaps in hindsight, it would have been better not to have told him."It sounds like there is bad blood between you two," she said quietly."Oh, it's more than that." Dorian frowned."This is so typical of him - to hire a henchman rather than coming for himself. I’m willing to bet this is some scheme to drag me back to Tevinter.""That'll be hard to do while I stood there," IIyana promised. "And if this is a trap set up by the Venatori, to lure us somewhere remote, then Varric and Bull will make sure they die a gruesome death... while I lay bleeding on the floor.""Blasted, IIyana. Are you always this dark and twisted?""I'll take that as a compliment," she smiled."Well, to be fair, anything is possible. My father could have joined the Venatori while I was away." Dorian held up the now crinkled letter up to the light. "Although, this does look like my father's penmanship."His father had requested they meet at the Gull and Lantern in Redcliffe Village by the week's end, which meant they will need to leave by the hour in order to arrive on time. "Let's go. Let's go meet this retainer," Dorian said.The two agree that she will inform her advisors while he notified Bull and Varric. But before heading their separate ways, IIyana heard Dorian ask, "how are things between you and the hobo?"At the mention of Solas, IIyana's face transformed into sheer joy. "We're good. It's been really good.""I'm glad to hear that," his eyes twinkled with her joy. "Are you going to ask the prick for permission to go with me?"IIyana scoffed. "Dorian, in case you forget. The man obeys my order. I don't need his approval to do anything.""Really? I figured him for a traditionalist.""If anyone is in charge of this relationship, it's me," she smirked."So you won't be asking for permission then?""No. I won't be needing his permission," she insisted."Permission to do what?" The familiar voice said softly from behind her and IIyana immediately bit her lips from groaning out loud. The last thing she wanted was for Solas to hear her gloating about their relationship."Yes IIyana, do explain what you mean by that," Dorian suggested before making his excuses, whistling loudly as he made his way towards the door leading to the Tavern."Did something happen?" Solas inquired."Not yet," IIyana replied, turning to her lover and noticing he carried an armload of books stacked up to his chin. She reached over to grab the top five, before greeting him with a peck on the cheek."Hello, handsome."Although his expression remained reserved, the tip of his ears pinked and this time, she couldn't resist pressing her lips against the side of his neck. Solas leaned into her touch, enjoying the sweet, tingling sensation that ran down his spine."And how are you today, vhenan? " he replied before walking over to an empty bookcase, setting the books down, waiting for her to do the same."My day has been well. Busy. But overall, good." She returned the books to their appropriate themes. "I didn't see you in the main hall earlier. Did you eat?""I did, thank you." He replied. She's become incredibly nurturing and he couldn't deny that he enjoyed her fussing over him. "I'm sorry if I interrupted your conversation with Dorian. Is everything alright?""Yes, everything is fine."The hesitation in her voice had him arching his brow. Waiting. "But you may have to sleep alone for the next few days," she finally blurted."Ah," he said. "Are you going somewhere, Yana?"She quickly nodded. "Mother Giselle received a letter from Dorian's family today. They've sent a retainer to Redcliffe to meet with him, and we are heading out there tonight.""We?""Dorian, Bull, Varric, and myself. We leave later today."Solas didn't like the idea of her venturing out to the Hinterlands without his protection. But he also sensed that this was something she needed to do, alone, for Dorian."Would you like me to accompany you?" He asked, already knowing she would decline, but that didn't stop him from pulling her into his arms anyway."No, I believe we will be fine."Promise me you won't take any unnecessary risks.""I promise," she said cheekly, although she failed to convince him."Not even if the Iron Bull tries to convince you to chase after a High Dragon?" Solas felt her nod against his chest. "And you will reach me in the Fade should you run into trouble?""I love your overbearing ways, Solas," she said, giving him a tender, loving smile."Then you have my permission to go without me," he teased.There was no resentment in his voice nor did he try to persuade her not to leave him behind, and it made her love him even more. She may not need his permission but she did value his support. "Thank you, Solas," she said."I”ll miss you, Yana," he whispered against her hair."Not," kissing the side of his mouth, "as much as I will miss you." Redcliffe Village was located in the western hills of Feraldon and is one of its largest and most prosperous towns in Feraldon. During the fifth blight, the village came under siege by corpses that attacked the villages from Redcliffe Castle. With the assistance of Bann Taegan, the Warden and her companions successfully defended and cleansed the village from the undead. Today, Allistair rules as King and the village has become the center for foreign trade, thanks to their primary location between Orzammar and Orlais."Finally," IIyana moaned loudly as they reached the gates leading into the village. After being home-bound for two months, her muscles screamed from pain as she dismounted, and muttered a quick thanks when Bull helped her find her balance."And here we are, yet again," Dorian said."Yes - hopefully we don't get sent back in time," IIyana replied. She and Dorian had charted ahead with Bull and Varric trailing behind when the latter called her name."What is it, Varric?""Care to settle a wager for us?""For you, anything," she said."What the hell did you do to Chuckles? He's pleasant company now.""Yeah, Boss. What the hell did you do?" The Qunari stated before swinging his massive sword to one shoulder. "Never seen the man smile before. But he did the other day. At Sera - in public.""You're shitting me," Varric said, glancing over at the Bull."I wish I was, kid.""That's an understatement," Dorian interjected. "You should see him with our dear Inquisitor. He smiles more in one hour than he's ever had in the months that I've known him.""Can't a man be happy without anyone thinking something is wrong with him?" IIyana asked, rolling her eyes at the absurdity of their observations."Yes. But Solas isn't just any man." Dorian reiterated. "He's a pretentious prick, remember?""The last time we were here, you called him a cock-sucker," Bull added, “Ooofff,” IIyana said. “Don’t remind me.” "And, if memory serves me correctly, you also told him to go fuck himself," Varric echoed."I did, didn't I?" IIyana beamed as they made their way down the steps leading to an open area where the villages lived. “I’m sure he deserved it.” "Trust me, no one misses those days, Boss." Bull clarified. "You can say that again," Varric chimed in. "But now, with him smiling all the time, I'll have to give him a new nickname.""And just like that, he gets a new nickname?" Dorian asked of Varric. "How many times have I asked for a new one?"Varric looked back at Dorian, nothing the Mage’s disappointed look. "What's wrong with Sparkler? Not colorful enough for you?""You must know me better now. Or does the moniker you gave me five minutes after we met still apply?""Dorian, I have the eyes of a storyteller. It's a gift." Varric replied."I will admit it is clever.""Embrace the universe, Sparkler.""Yes, yes. I agree, just like how you should embrace Cassandra?" Dorian said without missing a beat."What? No! Why would you even say that?" Varric tripped, nearling rolling down the side of a hill. Thankfully, IIyana caught him in time, laughing at Dorian’s remark."Truly? Bizarre." Dorian gave Varric a chuckling glance to make sure he wasn’t hurt. "I've seen the way you look at her.""Just because two people dislike each other doesn't mean they're about to kiss, Sparkler." Varric insisted, brushing shrubs off his shirt."True that, but the exchanges between you two are rather arousing," Dorian admitted, high-fiving IIyana."It's so hot," IIyana admitted cheekily. "Must be hard not being on the road without your Seeker.""Chuckles was right, Sparkler is a bad influence on you, Inquisitor," Varric answered flatly.IIyana only laughed. It was the middle of the day and here they were - members of the powerful Inquisition - bantering over nonsense in the middle of Redcliffe Village like drunk fools. "Alright enough, we have to go. The Retainer is already waiting for us.""Woah Boss, a wager is a wager. You didn't answer Varric's question.""There is nothing to answer," IIyana said to Bull. "Perhaps the man is simply happy.""Hmmmmm, I've yet to receive a full report," Dorian noted."That ridiculous, Dorian. I have provided you with a full report." He was the only person she'd told about her night with Solas."Your report leaves much to the imagination. I just want to know what we are dealing with," Dorian grumbled under his breath."Dorian, there is nothing more to share.""Nothing to share? The first rule of being a best friend is that you share everything. Every. Little. Detail.""Speaking of which, if Chuckles is to receive a new name, I will need details too. Images, visuals, inspirations. Metaphors are always helpful," Varric said."The thing is a beast," Dorian snickered. "I'm surprised she can even walk.""Dorian!" IIyana shrieked, flushing with embarrassment from what he was suggesting, realizing it was already too late, the three of them had thrown themselves into an all-boys club discussing the practicality of Solas’ engorged member. "Enough! Can we please not talk about my love life right now?" IIyana demanded.As much as she loved them all - and secretly enjoyed their overbearing, smothering, brotherly affections - sometimes she just wanted some things to remain private without having to be the receiving end of their pestering interrogations. And she was relieved when they crossed over the second gate leading into the village."Sure thing boss. But maybe next time, close the windows. You both are loud." Boss suggested."I will bear that in mind," IIyana mumbled under her breath."My eyes still burn from walking in on you two," Dorian grumbled. While Varric blurted, "I still can't wrap my head around Chuckles doing all that... with you.""Again!" IIyana clapped her hands in front of her loudly, similar to what a teacher would do to her undisciplined students. "Can we please focus on the task at hand and not on my sex life. We have a family to reunite - remember? Dorian and his father? Or perhaps this might be a setup by the Venatori.""You know IIyana, as your friend, your best friend , I just want to make sure you're screaming from pleasure and not from pain.""We're just looking out for you, Boss. Wouldn't want you to be cut in half while you weren't looking." Bull said, gesturing the motion of one being cut in half which contributed to Varric's explosion of laughter."Alright, alright!" She growled. "I will take one question from each of you and then we are heading into that damn tavern so we can reunite Dorian with his family. Now, who wants to go first?""Dominant or submissive?" Bull asked."He takes what I give him," IIyana replied. "Next.""Is there such a thing as Fade sex?""I'll be sure to invite you for a threesome when the time comes," IIyana proposed, looking at Dorian. "You have something to ask, mage?"Dorian being Dorian took his sweet time before finally answering. "What are we really working with?""You really want to know?""Indulged me, IIyana." He smiled."Alright. I shall demonstrate." IIyana waited until she had Dorian's full attention. Then she curled her forearm up to her collar bone and dropped it in front of her, swinging the arm limply from left to right."It took Dorian a split second to grasp her meaning before he leaned into Bull for support."LIES!" The mage gasped."He has to heal me every morning - he’s so big," IIyana confirmed, nodding her head with appreciation. Then she turned around and marched forward without a glance."She's lying. She has to be lying..." Dorian insisted."Holy shit, Boss." Bull said as he pulled Dorian after IIyana.Varric stared after them, shaking his head in awe. He took a moment to consider everything he'd learned about Chuckles, running and testing names in his mind before finally settling on one that did the mage justice."BDSM - Big Dick Sassy Mage, I like that," Varric said proudly to himself before sprinting into a run after his friends.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Redcliffe Village was a familiar place and IIyana and Co. were immediately welcomed as they made their way towards the Gull and Lantern, located in the eastern district. The village was an eclectic mass of energy as merchants and families gathered to connect, buy goods, and hear the latest gossip from Orlais. With Harvestmerge around the corner, members of the Chantry were also out and about, offering prayers and guidance, reminding everyone who would listen of the Maker's Blessing.They passed a small, colorful booth selling everything from bread to pastries, cookies, and even those frilly cakes from Val Royeaux that Solas loved so much - the delicate ones you can only find in the cafe across from the plaza. Solas didn't have a preference for which flavor he enjoyed the most, although IIyana suspected it was raspberry and chocolate, and she made a mental note to stop by and purchase two cakes for him before leaving the area. It was strange, this sudden phenomenon of wanting to please him, and it brought IIyana great pleasure to do so. He made her feel special and she wanted to return the favor."What do you hope to find here?" IIyana asked Dorian as the group moved past the docks and headed up the rocky path leading up to the rustic tavern."I admit, I'm not sure," Dorian replied. Gone was the humor from before - his expression now lined with apprehension."This could still be a setup," she reminded him."Then we'll just have to fight our way through, won't we?" He smiled. "With a twist of dramatic flair, of course.""There is no other way," IIyana grinned, then turning to her friends when they reached the front steps. "Alright, I will go in with Dorian while the two of you stay here. Remember, first sign of trouble, you do not hesitate." Bull and Varric nodded in understanding before moving to their assigned positions- Bull guarding the front door while Varric flanking the side of the building. Meanwhile, Dorian stood in front of the tavern, his hand grasping the handle."Ready?" IIyana asked, seeing the anxiety in his eyes. "I will be with you every step of the way."Her friend nodded in thanks before pushing the door open, walking in. The place was quiet, dark, and empty - the only clue that someone had been here was the roaring fire crackling in the corner, along with a damp dishtowel thrown hastily across the bar - as if the person was in a hurry to leave.Dorian swept the room, looking for any signs of the retainer before letting out a heavy sigh, releasing the tension from his body. He wasn't sure if he was disappointed or relieved to find the place empty. "This place is deserted," he said, glancing over at IIyana who stood quietly by the door. "Is this normal or --?"A deep and velvety voice interrupted from the stairs leading to the second floor, and as the man slowly descended the stairs, IIyana noted that this must be Dorian's father. Standing at 6 feet tall with sleek, peppered black hair and garbed in the robes of the Tevinter Imperium, Halward Pavus was a striking and dashing figure, paling only in comparison to his estranged son."Father?" Dorian stated. He would have recognized that voice anywhere and his eyes narrowed slightly as they followed his father until he halted a few feet away. "So, the whole story about a family retainer was just what? A smokescreen?"As his father clenched his hands in front of him, Dorian was surprised to feel the familiar ache that clenched his heart painfully and he couldn't stop the pain from enveloping him when his father responded."Then you were told," the older man said. "I'm sorry for the deception, Inquisitor. I never intended for you to be involved.""Of course not," Dorian quickly interjected. "Magister Pavus couldn't come to Skyhold and be seen with the dreaded Inquisitor. What would people think? What would people say if they knew?" He asked mockingly and IIyana could feel the resentment seep from his skin. "What is 'this' exactly, father? An ambush? A kidnapping? Did you hope for a warm family reunion?"At the word family , Halward clenched his hands tighter in front of him, clearly distressed. "Must this be how it always is?" He asked of his son. He'd hope that time would have healed some of the rifts that have been created between them, and he was disappointed to find that he'd been wrong. He should not have come here, to seek forgiveness from a son he was responsible for pushing away.Halward was about to turn away when the Inquisitor's voice echoed across the room. "Please," she said softly. "You went through all of this to get Dorian here. Talk to him.""Yes father, talk to me," Dorian challenged. "Let me hear how mystified you are by my anger.""Dorian," his father pleaded, "there is no need to --""Oh no you don't," Dorian snapped. "I want someone to hear it. I want someone to know the truth." He directed his attention to IIyana. "I prefer the company of men. And my father disapproves."IIyana let out a surprised gasp, perplexed that his sexuality was the primary reason they were at odds with one another. "Why is that even an issue?" She inquired softly, glancing between father and son."It's only an issue if you're trying to live up to an impossible standard," Dorian said in disgust. Turning to face his father, the man who rejected him for everything he represented. "I was bred to be the perfect mage, to have the perfect body, the perfect mind. To be the perfect leader.""I don't understand," IIyana said."It means every perceived flaw is deviant and shameful. It must be hidden," Dorian explained.Halward lowered his gaze in shame. "Dorian, please. If you'll only listen to me.""Why? So you can spout more lies? You taught me to hate blood magic - a resort of a weak mind. Those were your words," Dorian rasped. "But when I refused to play pretend for the rest of my life, what did you do?" He stepped forward - as if to challenge his father into admitting the truth - and when Dorian's pain was not validated, he replied in an aching whisper, "you tried to change me."'I did what I thought was best for you," his father pleaded, equally as distressed."You did what you thought was best for you! What you thought best for your fucking legacy!"Pushing away, Dorian stormed to an empty table near the front entrance, slamming both fists on the wooden surface, trying desperately to contain the resentment and hurt oozing out with every breath he took. Maker's Breath, how he hated this - the anger, the resentment, the pain, the betrayal. He should have never come. He should have left things alone and carried on with his life of debauchery. He wanted to yell. To scream. To hit something - anything."Dorian," IIyana's soft voice drifted from behind and he stiffened slightly when her hand glided up his back in a soothing manner. Her touch was so gentle, so loving, and accepting that Dorian wanted to curl into a ball and cry while she held him.Because he knew she would love him for him."I'm sorry you have to see this," he apologized. His breath hitched with the hurt he'd carried since walking out of his family's home."I'm glad to be here," she said softly.They remained like this for a little while - he tried to gather his thoughts while she soothed his pain away. Then, he heard her gently whisper his name."Dorian," IIyana said. "You know that I love you and if you want to leave, all you have to do is say the word, and I will light this fucking place on fire to get you safely out of here." She reached over to grasp his cheek so that he may look at her. "But as your friend, your best friend, I am asking you to not leave it like this. If you walk out that door before you hear what your father has to say, you'll never forgive yourself.""You're supposed to be on my side, IIyana.""I am. And I also know that despite what's happened, your father is equally in pain."Dorina's eyes blazed with anger and he didn't know who he was angrier at - With IIyana and her meddling ways or with his father, for his conservative beliefs. Or with himself, because somewhere deep inside, Dorian still harbored the hope that his father will eventually come to love and accept him for who he is.IIyana could feel the emotional turmoil her friend was fighting against and suddenly, reuniting him with his father was no longer appealing. She wrapped her arms around his waist and gave him all the love she felt. "Let's go, Dorian.""No, you are right," he said after a while and glanced back behind him, "I need to finish this." There was more than the distance separating him and his father but IIyana always said it only takes one person to make a change."Tell me why you came," Dorian demanded of his father.The hope that had evaporated the moment his son turned away quickly ignited as Halward brought his gaze to meet his son. Eyes that were like Dorian’s. "If I knew I would drive you to the Inquisition --""You didn't. I joined the Inquisition because it was the right thing to do," Dorian disputed. "Once, I had a father who would have known that," he said sadly.Dorian shook his head in disappointment. His father did not know him - may never know him - and he will have to accept it. He will leave this place knowing that at least he attempted to hear what his father had to say, and he will tell himself that at least he did not run away like a damn coward."Let's go, IIyana," Dorian said. He was reaching for the door when his father's voice drifted across the room, and the pain that it carried had Dorian stopping in his tracks, turning back to look at his father."Once, I had a son who trusted me. A trust I betrayed," the Magister apologized. "I only wanted to talk to him. To hear his voice again. To ask him to forgive me."Dorian stared at the man he'd idolized his entire life, searching his gaze for any form of deception. And as the minutes passed and the doubts melted away, Dorian discovered for the first time the same pain, the same regret, the same hope reflected back at him. Before he knew what he was doing, Dorian had taken a step forward, then another, until he met his father halfway. Camp was quiet that evening as the group dined on roasted ram, bread and cheese, and the two flasks of wine they picked up on their way out of Redcliffe Village. The group had decided that while they were in the Hinterlands, they might as well kill two birds with one stone by rendezvousing with Varric's old flame, Bianca Davri. The woman had arrived at Skyhold a week prior with a possible lead on Corypheus' source of red lyrium that pointed directly to Valammar as the staging area for the smuggling. As the night dwindled down, IIyana walked over to where Dorian sat staring quietly into the fire and snuggled up to him for warmth."He says we're alike," Dorian said softly, wrapping his arms around IIyana. "Too much pride. Once I would have been overjoyed to hear him say that.""And now?""Now I'm uncertain. I don't know if I can forgive him."IIyana tilted her face up, "You don't have to figure that out today.""Thank you for saying that, and for bringing me out here," he smiled. "What you must think of me now after all that display.""I don't think less of you if that's what you're afraid of. In fact, I think of you more." IIyana pulled back and gave him a lopsided smile. "Although I was disappointed we didn't leave the place with dramatic flair.""The next time I have a family reunion, I'll make sure to throw a party," he grinned. "I'll settle for that," IIyana smiled. "For what's it's worth, love is love, Dorian. I want you to know that I love you for you, and it doesn't matter who you choose to be with."No one has ever said anything close to what IIyana had just said to him before, and Dorian was surprised to find that he was suddenly speechless, with tears shamelessly pricking at his lashes. He didn't know what to say, could only stare, until he finally managed to whisper a small thank you. "The things you say, IIyana," Dorian rasped. "No wonder the crusty old bat loves you so damn much.""I mean it. Every single word," she promised. "You will always have a home with me."They finished off the second flask, stretching out their legs and enjoying the warmth of the fire. It has been an exhausting week - both physically and emotionally - and the two were eager to return to Skyhold and sleep in their own beds."What's it like to be able to love someone as openly as you love Solas?" Dorian asked.“Fucking terrifying,” she confessed. "It's like casting my first spell - it's scary and frightening, and I am afraid that I'll fuck it up. But then Solas wraps his arms around me and I am suddenly filled with love, joy, and hope, and I know that as long as he loves me, all my worries will melt away. That is what it feels like."“I hope to find that one day.”“You will.” Dorian gave her a tender smile, loving the smiles that came naturally to her these days. "My father never understood what it's like to live a lie. He'll never understand that it festers inside of you, like poison.""I'm glad you don't have to live a lie anymore," she added. "So now that you are officially out and in the open, you should meet my friend Eri.""Eri? The elf who caused havoc during your childhood - the one who pretended to be illiterate to sneak into the Chantry?""The one and only. He's traveling in Antiva and will stop by Skyhold before heading to Kirkwall."Don't cheapen my love for you by offering me someone else, IIyana," he scoffed."He has kinks," she interjected."That's hot, Boss," Bull interrupted, returning from his night swim. "If Dorian isn't interested, I'm game.""You will most likely tear him apart," she exclaimed and didn't miss the way Dorian's eyes roamed over the Qunari's water-dripping chest."Nothing that can't be fixed with a little oil." Bull suggested, throwing Dorian a heated glance before heading back to his tent."I think that was an invitation," IIyana stated."It was," Bull's voice rang from inside the tent."Guess you're bunking with me tonight, Inquisitor!" Varric yelled from where he kept watch on the outskirts of camp."Guess I am," she replied."You are a good friend, IIyana," Dorian said, standing up to dust himself before giving her a saucy wink."I'm your only friend, Dorian." Solas felt her presence the moment he slipped into the Fade, and he followed her aura to an open field overlooking a lush, green valley below."IIyana," he said anxiously as she threw herself into his arms. "Did something happen? Are you alright? Are you hurt?" He knew the Fade projected what the dreamer wanted others to see but it didn't stop him from searching for any signs that she'd been injured, or worse, that she was bleeding to death somewhere in the Hinterlands while he was dreaming away at Skyhold."I'm alright, everything is alright," she said and had to reassure him several times before he was able to settle down. "I just needed to see you, that's all." He grasped her face in both of her hands and pressed his lips gently against hers. "I miss you too, yana. Come home, I don't sleep well without you." She leaned into his kiss and whispered that she'll be home in two days. He kissed her nose, her eyes, her cheeks. He whispered endearments and love words, lacing his fingers with hers."I love you, Solas. Very, very much," she whispered achingly.His heart melted and he placed his forehead against hers."Ar lath ma, m'yana. Now and always."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Autumn had finally found its way to Thedas, blanketing the world in hues of golden reds and yellows, and filling the air with cinnamon spices and freshly baked goods. The change in season invited mellow mornings, allowing for one to cuddle up with loved ones or lounging in bed against the backdrop of an early morning chill. As a result, it appeared the world was slowing down, and the daily occurrence of families laughing, children playing, created a sense of home and belonging. And with this gift of time, IIyana rediscovered an appreciation for the little things involving her new family - an eclectic mess of individuals she'd come to love and trust. Sunday afternoons were now spent playing chess with Cullen and Dorian, and on occasion, Bull and Solas. Books were delivered once a week from Orlais and upon arrival, IIyana picked one or two romance novels and shut herself away with Cassandra for the rest of the evening. Blackwall taught her to carve wooden toys while she learned card tricks from Varric. With Vivienne, Josie, and surprisingly, Leliana, IIyana learned to appreciate her femininity and the beauty of being a woman. And then twice a week, Sera, Cole, and herself baked cookies for the families of Skyhold.But it was the little moments with Solas she loved the most. When she was convinced that she couldn't love the man any more than she already did, he'd surprise her with a gesture that crippled her senses until she was crying hysterically.One evening, after a long and exhausting day with her advisors, IIyana returned to find her room empty of his presence, a note asking her to meet him in the kitchen. To her disappointment, there had been no opportunity to see him and the discontent she had felt was immediately replaced with joy as she made her way downstairs. She was bewildered when she crossed the kitchen threshold and came to a sudden stop, not quite able to believe what she was seeing. Solas was elbowed deep in flour, bowls scattered around the kitchen table, pouring batter into a cast iron. He felt her presence immediately and glanced up as she crossed the room, a small smile gracing his lips."What's this?" she asked, greeting him with a small kiss before glancing down at the table. In the past year she's known him, IIyana had never seen Solas cook, much less, walk into a kitchen, and she found his domesticated side incredibly endearing."I hope it tastes the same," he replied hopefully."I'm sure it'll be delicious," she teased, scanning the table and noting the usual ingredients required for a cake recipe. "It's not every day a man cooks for me." But her voice had trailed off at the end as her eyes caught a glimpse of red - berries - and honey. Finally, lemon and mint. Automatically, she listed the ingredients in her mind one more time - flour, eggs, sugar, salt, berries, lemon, drizzled with honey and mint - and when it dawned on her what he was making, her breath hitched, tears pricking at her lashes.She would have recognized the recipe anywhere. Dalish Cake. He was making her Dalish Cake. The very same one her mother used to make for her every fall."I know you miss your family, Yana. And you have been homesick ever since Eri's letter arrived," he said tenderly as if reading her thoughts. "I can't bring you to them, but I thought I could at least bring them to you."IIyana couldn't have stopped herself if she wanted to. Because once the first tear broke free the rest of them followed in stream. She turned around, embarrassed, shoulders shaking, trying to compose herself because she didn't want him to feel anything other than appreciated. She heard him move, heard him say her name softly before turning her back to face him, pulling her into his arms."Why are you crying, m’yana?" Solas asked. He hadn't wanted to upset her. "You!" She muttered against his chest, her tears soaking into his neatly pressed tunic. "You loving me the way you do." And to her complete and utter mortification, IIyana began wailing - like one of those shrieking demons who couldn't be killed with anything less than a fire spell - pulling him closer, telling him how much she loved him."IIyana," he whispered, trying unsuccessfully to tilt her chin up so that he may look at her. Her body shook even harder and he couldn't help but rain kisses on the top of her head. He loved this woman - deeply - and he was a lucky man to know the depths of her love, because IIyana Lavellan did not shy away from her heart. "IIyana, look at me.""No,” she muffled, pressing her face deeper into his chest. "I can’t.""You don't have to be embarrassed by your feelings for me" Solas reassured her gently. He wanted to kiss her, to kiss her silliness away, and his arms tightened around her small frame, hoping she could feel the strength of his love."I'm not embarrassed," she insisted. "I just don't want you to think I look like a troll." Her response was so unexpected that it took him a moment to realize IIyana was deflecting with humor - she did that often when she felt vulnerable."A troll?" He smiled amusingly."Yes - a troll," she confirmed, wiping her tears. IIyana then pulled back, glancing up at him, her face red and swollen, and yes, she did look like a baby troll. "Josie is so pretty when she cries. And I - I - I just look so ugly," she wailed. Solas looked down at her, his hand shaped to her cheek, his thumb smudging away the faint wet trail. It was impossible to love her even more - surely he will eventually die from the joy of it. He lowered his head to hers, his voice low and soft against her ear. "Ah - so this is the reason for your tears because you look like a troll?""Not just any troll - that ugly one we stumbled upon in the Storm Coast," she confessed as his lips found their way to hers."I can see the resemblance," he teased, "and I love you anyways, IIyana.""Thank you, Solas," she said in between kisses. "Thank you for bringing me home."They spent that evening eating cake in the kitchen and celebrating her people. As the weeks passed, Solas became more and more anxious - the longer IIyana carried the anchor, the more enmeshed she became with his power, even to the point where her dreams now reflected some of his memories. The night Cassandra awakened him because of IIyana's nightmares, Solas had assumed it was because of guilt associated with Hawke's death. But as he began sharing her bed, then her body, he'd began to subconsciously drift into her dreams. He realized then that the anchor was showing her his memories - from Arlathan. Afraid that she will eventually discover his true identity, Solas did what he could only think of. He cast a spell to shift those dreams. He felt sick, disgusted with himself for tainting their love with his selfishness. And there were days where he nearly broke down and told her the truth, but in the end, he convinced himself that he couldn't because he needed to protect her.Having no clue of his inner torment, IIyana continued to love him without reservation and as she grew more certain of his love, she became more confident and more enchanting to Solas. He knew she regarded him as a combination of lover and teacher, but she was wrong because IIyana had taught him too. By her own example, she taught him to be patient and kind; to relax and let go of things he could not control; and that next to lovemaking, laughter was undoubtedly the cure to every problem.And oh - how much he'd laughed since meeting her. He found that the behavior came naturally now, almost second-nature as if he never knew pain, loss, or death. Everyone noticed the change in him. He was more approachable, more care-free, and had even been invited out for drinks with Varric, Bull, and Dorian - of all people. Despite their busy schedule and the hectic demands of the Inquisition, the two always found time for one another - a stolen kiss in a darkened hallway, a touch there, a caress here, a promise made and a promise kept - whatever the occasion, each made sure the other felt loved each day. And on the occasion that the day was filled with stress, and one's expression became inexplicably grim, the other would tease and give soft kisses to soothe the angst away. And should those ploys fail, a presentation of gifts - floral arrangements, frilly cakes, a new book - usually did the trick.With the exception of her week away in the Hinterlands they spent their nights in her bed, and Solas quickly discovered that she was just as eager to please him and he did her. With sweet tenderness and patience, Solas taught her to touch and please him, encouraging her with endearments to continue when she became shy and uncertain. He found her desire to please him incredibly arousing and spent an entire evening showing IIyana the power she wielded over him with her touch. As her confidence and curiosity grew, so did her courage and Solas found to his great pleasure that IIyana did not shy away from expressing her sexual needs.There were times when he lingered over her body for hours, driving her to the brink of madness until she was sobbing for him to end the sweet torment; other nights, when he was ridden with guilt and fear, he reached for her with desperate hunger, taking her with a gentle roughness that left her body aching the following morning. IIyana couldn't decide which she preferred and had confided it to him one afternoon, only to have him whisk her to bed, taking her swiftly then lingering over her body until the following morning.The day she presented him with the gift she'd had commissioned from Val Royeaux was the day Solas admitted to himself that she was the only person who could convince him from not following through with his plans. It was Sunday afternoon and he was sitting at his desk reading the latest book on magic theory when the door opened and IIyana walked in, carrying a package wrapped in expensive paper."Hi handsome," she greeted with a radiant smile. He was surprised she could even stand, considering what they did together in the archives earlier that morning."What do you have here?" He asked. Closing the book he was reading and setting it aside, making room on his desk for her to place the package on."It's for you," she flushed, biting her lip. She positioned the gift in front of him and sat down on the corner of the desk, her feet dangling slightly. "Oh -" he said... staring at the gift, unsure of what to do next. Solas couldn't remember the last time he received such a gift and he felt embarrassed all of a sudden, his hand drumming against the desk. He could tell his response was not what she had expected or hoped for because she gave him a lopsided smile. "I'm sorry... too much?""Too much?" He asked, eyes directed at the gift. His thoughts shifting through a million memories - of all the people and places he's known, no one has ever been this generous to him before. Except for Mythal ... and now IIyana. "The gift. Perhaps it's more than we're used to..." her voice trailed off awkwardly. They've exchanged multiple gifts in the past but neither have ever bought the other anything this extravagant."I've never received a gift like this before, m'yana. Thank you." Solas confessed and her eyes teared up with love. It seemed that was all she did these days - blush and cry - because of him. "You haven't even opened it yet," she said stupidly.He gave her a small smile, proceeding to unwrap the paper, breathing slowly when it revealed a wooden box - the borders carved with wooden leaves interlaced with an elven design. Flipping the claps holding the box closed, Solas lifted the lid and out a long-winded breath. Placed upon a bed of blue velvet, was the most beautiful paintbrush set he'd ever seen. Each was delicately hand made, smoothed to perfection, its bristle soft and delicate to touch. He couldn't breathe, couldn't find the words he was so overwhelmed, could only stare at her."How?" He managed to say, gliding his hands over each brush, testing the feel of them in his hands."Josie," IIyana replied with a smile, wishing now she would have placed orders for an entire color set. "I found an old sketchbook hidden away in the archives a while back. The drawings reminded me of you and as I was flipping through the pages, I found this design." She broke off as his eyes shot up to hers. "I hope you don't mind..." she said softly.He remembered now, why the design was so familiar. He'd sketched the set for Mythal, intending to give it to her on her birthday. Unfortunately for him, she discovered the set upon their arrival at Tarasyl'an Te'las and had burst with joy when she saw them. It was one of his happier memories of Mythal before she was murdered. He hadn’t thought of Mythal in a long time, usually because her memories were painful. He was surprised when none of those emotions presented themselves today. And he knew why. It was because of IIyana. Everything had changed because of her. Solas felt his throat closed and went dry. "I don't know what to say," he rasped."How about you kiss me instead?" She offered with a smirk.Later that evening, Solas showed her with his body all the words he couldn't communicate when he accepted her gift. A shudder shook his powerful frame as he felt her spasm of fulfillment gripped him tightly, and he plunged into her one last time before pouring his love into her body. Joy burst in his heart and through his veins until he ached with the sheer bliss of it.He was happy. At peace. In harmony with the world. Everything was perfect. As it should be.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Cullen Stanton Rutherford usually woke up, refreshed and ready to begin the day, meeting his troops at the break of dawn to begin their training. This morning, however, the sunlight streaming through the open hole of his bedroom ceiling seemed to scrap his nerves raw. He'd slept terribly - tossing and turning from his nightmares - and too much stimulation in the form of IIyana.
He'd always taken great pride in placing duty above everything else. His commitment to his men and country have earned him more accolades than he could count. He had little time to engage in social activities and romantic idiocies. But IIyana was rare. Special.
All through yesterday's chess game, he'd marveled at her beauty, the way the sun spun her hair into silver moonbeams, the twinkle in her eyes, the curve of her lips. She was clever, witty, sharp, and her joy infectious when his distraction contributed to her capturing one of his pieces, and he couldn't stop himself from imagining her soft lips pressed against his skin, the curve of her neckline, silky soft skin, eyes so green and filled with desire for him. There was a hint of mischief that he loved, but it was her shyness and vulnerability that went straight to his heart.
With a painful groan, Cullen rolled unto his stomach and pressed his face into his pillow. She wasn't his and he had no right to think - to fantasize - about her in such a demeaning manner. Perhaps he'd gone too long without a woman. Whatever was happening, Cullen needed to find some form of release, else he confessed his feelings to IIyana and made things more awkward than it already was. As promised, she'd respected his space and have not breached the subject of his wellbeing since their conversation in the war room. And like a fool, he'd convinced himself it was for the best.
The sudden knocking at his door had Cullen muffling a curse and forcing himself to roll out of bed to greet the day. He made good use of the basin by his nightstand, splashing cold water on his face before descending down the ladder and towards the door. Whoever was disturbing his morning was persistent and it only added to his mood.
"What?" Cullen growled as he swung the door open to find a surprised IIyana.
"Oh!" she gasped. She took a step back as if she'd been burned. "I'm sorry - I-I-thought... Josie...Forgive me, did I wake you?"
Cullen heard the embarrassment in her tone, followed closely by the blush that filled her from head to toe as her eyes traveled away from his face and trailed the water dripping from his chin unto his very chiseled chest - his skin sun-kissed by the morning sun.
"No, I've been awake for hours," he managed to say, staring at her for longer than he should. She was lovely this morning, with her hair piled loosely atop her head and he found himself suddenly feverish as if he was love struck.
"Good," relieved that she'd not interrupted his sleep and regarded him thoughtfully, "I would have hated it if I disturbed your sleep." She noticed the dark circles beneath his eyes and her brow furrow into concern. "Are your nightmares back?"
"No," he denied with a soft smile. Last night's dream had been horrific - far worse than usual - but he didn't want her to worry about him. "I had a lot on my mind. My work never stops."
"You know how I feel about you overworking. I wouldn't care for you to collapse from exhaustion."
Cullen's heart quickened and he was troubled by the fondness he felt for her caring and loving ways. He forced himself to not read between the lines. Reminding himself that IIyana was openly affectionate with everyone and that her feelings were not exclusively reserved for him.
"I will promise to do better, IIyana. You have my word." He leaned forward and the sweet smell of sugar and honey filled his senses, and he wondered if her lips would have tasted the same. "Was there something I can help you with?"
IIyana's eyes rounded into big, green saucers as if she'd only remembered why she came to him in the first place. "Oh! Yes, my apologies. Josie asked that we all meet in the main hall within the hour."
"Makers breath," he gave her a wary stare, "doesn't that woman have anything better to do than torture us so early in the morning?" The Invitation to the Winter Palace had arrived three days earlier and Josie had made it clear that everyone would begin dancing lessons. Immediately. IIyana must have found his expression comical for her musical laughter filled the space between them, and he had to fight the urge to capture the sound with his lips.
"Count yourself lucky, Cullen," she replied, "at least you weren't held hostage for nearly half the day, stripped naked, and measured for a dress."
"I'm sure you'll look lovely in whatever you wear," he blurted without thinking. He'd only realized his error when IIyana's head shot up and she gave him an astute stare - as if she was assessing, searching. Searching between all the layers of his heart then to the deep depths of his soul for the meaning behind his words. He flushed. "Forgive me, IIyana. That was --"
"A very nice compliment," she interjected. The smile she wore spread into a cocky grin. "And you are right, I will look good in whatever I wear, won't I?"
"You really have been around Dorian too long."
"So I've been told," she replied cheekily, "but don't tell the Tevinter that, it'll only inflate his ego even more." She gave him a look he couldn't decipher then she threw him a smile. "I'll see you in a bit, Commander."
Cullen's gaze followed her as she made her way across the battlements and let out a hearty chuckle when she yelled for him to eat before she saw him again. But his smile soon faded when she disappeared through the door leading towards the rotunda. Solas would be there waiting for her. Waiting to escort her to her morning meal as he'd done ever since the Inquisition returned from Adamant.
The spark of pleasure he felt dissipated and reality swept in, drowning him in a tidal wave of yearning. He was such a fool to have forgotten himself. Even for a moment. It was dangerous, especially when it involved her.
Cullen closed the door, pressing his forehead against its wooden frame, and let out a savage curse.
The Inquisitor and her Inner Circle, along with Josephine and Leliana were already in the great hall by the time Cullen arrived. The group was standing in formation, divided into groups of six, with Josie heading the front as she scribbled away on her clipboard. She looked up from her notes and smiled when he made his way towards the group.
"Good morning, Commander," Josie greeted with a charming smile. The Inquisition's ambassador was from Antiva, born into a noble family and held herself with the elegance and poise of one who frequently visited the salons of Orlais. Despite her aristocratic upbringing, Josie treated everyone with the same grace and dignity, and it was this attribute of hers that Cullen had come to admire.
"My Lady," Cullen greeted as he lined up next to Bull to stand opposite Dorian, who gave him a knowing smirk - as if the Tevinter knew all of his dirty little secrets. From the corner of his eye, Cullen caught the flash of rapid movement and he glanced over to find IIyana gesturing with her hands, asking if he ate. Cullen gave her a warm smile before nodding and she beamed with pleasure, redirecting her gaze to Josie who was now speaking.
"Good morning, ladies and gentleman. Now that we're all here. I'm pleased to announce that we've been officially invited to the Winter Palace. And In preparation for the ball, I've arranged for all of us to receive dancing lessons." The universal moans of grunts and pain didn't persuade Josie from her goal, throwing the group one of her charming smiles instead, and letting each know that, regardless, she was going to get her way. "If you will do the honors, Madame de Fer."
"Thank you, my Lady Ambassador." Vivienne stepped forward in all of her glitz and glamour, basking in the spotlight. Her silken voice was smooth, like brandy, and Cullen bit his tongue so as not to laugh when Sera rolled her eyes and scrunched her face.
"Despite what you may think," Vivienne continued, "the Winter Palace isn't just a place where the elite meet to mingle and have fancy parties." Her eyes narrowed on Sera and Cullen was sure the elf would have been dead if looks could kill. "It's a place of power, intrigued, and everything you do - the way you speak, your tone of voice, what you wear, how you hold yourself - will be meticulously measured to determine your worth. You will not be among friends but with a pack of wolves hungry for the opportunity to shred you apart. And in order to win their favor, we must learn to play the game."
As Vivienne and Josie provided an in-depth look into the lifestyle of the rich and famous, Cullen's gaze drifted to where IIyana stood memorizing every detail of her features. Every now and then, her brows would furrow and Cullen's jaw clenched in response. The idea that she would have to mold herself into something else just to be accepted by the snobby elite of Orlais angered him.
IIyana Lavellan was perfect in every way. She held herself with grace and integrity - a woman of honor - and it was them who was undeserving of her. They weren't fit to kiss her hand or wipe her shoe.
An hour later, members were divided into groups who could dance and those who couldn't, and then paired with someone of opposite skill. Dorian was paired with Vivienne and the two glided across the room, demonstrating the art of the Orlaisian waltz; while Bull and Leliana swayed in awkward unison as the man couldn't help but step on her toes. Cassandra couldn't hide her disdain at being paired with Varric and she rehearsed the dance steps as if she were running a drill. Josie and Blackwall were in their own little world, while Sera yelped loudly when Solas quickened his steps and twirled her around, passing Cole who stood in the corner observing the dancers. Solas soft laughter ricocheted throughout the chamber and it actually appeared as though he was enjoying himself.
But it was IIyana who made Cullen's heart flutter, having volunteered to be his partner despite the heated glance Solas threw her way.
"May I have the pleasure of this dance, Cullen?" She bowed gracefully, reminding him of the night she returned home from the Western Approach. She'd been nervous then as she approached him at the bar, but now all he could see was the confident woman who stood before him.
"It'll be my pleasure, IIyana" he whispered softly, taking the hand she'd extended in invitation. Her hand was warm and fit perfectly with his - small, delicate, just like her, and he clasped tightly while his other hand guided towards her waist.
"I must confess that I can't dance," she said and smiled warmly when he replied, "then I shall have to lead."
Cullen guided her into a waltz and together the two twirled around the hall as if they were the only dancers in the room. He'd forgotten how much he enjoyed dancing and by the time they glided around the room several times, Cullen was completely captivated. IIyana's eyes were full of amusement and mischief and he couldn't recall the last time he'd enjoyed such company. She was becoming a breath of fresh air, a reprieve from his withdrawal symptoms and night terrors. He wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to whisk her away to his room and make passionate love to her.
Maker's Breath, Cullen - she is not yours.
After they circled the room one more time, Cullen guided her back to the group with IIyana laughing up at him and thanking him for his instruction. He'd become distracted by her beauty and did not hear the soft voice from behind until he felt a tap on his shoulder, turning to find Solas standing quietly behind him.
"Pardon my interruption, but may I?" The mage said with an arrested stare.
Cullen searched his gaze and wondered if he could read his inner thoughts. If anyone knew about his true feelings for IIyana, it would be the man who owned her heart.
"Of course. Thank you, Inquisitor, for the dance." He released his hold on IIyana and stepped back so that Solas could claim the next dance. He couldn't help but feel empty, lonely, as he watched Solas swept her into his arms.
"You'll regret it, Solas," IIyana smiled brightly and Cullen couldn't have stopped the ache clenching his heart as her face transformed with glowing love for the man she loved. "I can't dance."
Solas only smiled, lifting her until her feet laid upon his. "Neither can I," he teased before circling her around the room.
There was no denying that the two were very much in love and the bond connecting them went beyond words, feelings or actions. It transcended beyond the physical, emotional - it was intimate - a spiritual connection between two individuals. It was the first time Cullen had seen them like this and he realized then that whatever he felt for IIyana could never measure up to the emotions he felt from watching the two. They danced as one as if their souls had already bonded.
"Lovely, isn't she?" Vivienne said from behind. She didn't miss the way the commander clenched his fists nor the tightening of his jaw - for it was obvious to everyone that he was in love with their dear Inquisitor.
"Yes - yes she is." He whispered achingly and Vivienne suspected the Commander's pain was triggered by more than what he was observing in front of him. She was even more surprised that he'd openly admitted his feelings.
"This isn't a fight you will win."
Cullen shot her an exasperated look. "If you have something to say, my Lady. I suggest you get to the point."
"No need to get offended, my dear. I was only stating the obvious."
Cullen was annoyed with the Enchanter for seeing straight through him, even more annoyed with himself for pining after a woman he couldn’t have. He turned his gaze back to the dancing couple and wished that he'd left the hall earlier.
The two had stopped dancing with Solas tilting IIyana's chin to receive his kiss. He then whispered something in her ear which had her reacting. The expression in her eyes was indescribable as if she couldn't believe what she was hearing. IIyana yanked herself free and marched straight towards the front entrance, her back stiff as a board. She quickened her steps when Solas began laughing.
"IIyana!" his voice boomed with mischief. "I was only kidding!"
"Go to hell, you stupid mage!" She screeched over her shoulder, ignoring her lover's plea.
"You're blushing, IIyana! I think that makes 52 now."
She whirled around to face him, not missing the fact that he was quickly behind her.
"Go fuck a Druffolo, Solas," she demanded before storming through the front doors.
"IIyana, don't you ever learn?" Solas' voice trailed off as the mage disappeared behind the great doors to catch up with his fiery Inquisitor.
"It hurts. It hurts to breathe. Need to get away."
Cole's voice drifted softly from behind and Cullen turned to look at the spirit boy who'd joined the Inquisition shortly before the fall of Haven.
"You want to ask her but you're afraid. Why?"
"Enough," Cullen growled.
"She'll understand. She's suspected --"
"Cole. Let the man be." Vivienne chided the Spirit, throwing the Cullen a sympathetic glance. If anyone understood what it was like to love in secret, she understood and did not wish for the Commander's heart to be exposed in front of everyone.
"But he's hurting. And I only want to help," Cole insisted.
"How about you dance with me instead?" Vivienne offered and pulled the spirit into the waltz.
Cullen had never cared for the Enchanter but he would have gladly had pledged fidelity to the woman giving him the excuse needed to leave the hall. Cullen made his excuses and didn't stop walking until the door to his office closed behind him.
He couldn't breathe - the suffocating sadness was making it harder and harder to catch his breath. He felt antsy, jittery, and his hand reached for the drawer that opened to his lyrium box. Flipping the lid open, Cullen looked at the instrument that could provide him relief from the empty pit of his stomach.
He clutched the box tightly in his hands - fighting an internal battle with himself - before throwing it across the room, the box shattering along with the items inside.
He leaned against his desk, slamming his fists against the solid wood frame, and growled painfully.
"Damnit, IIyana."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
IIyana glanced up from the war table to find Solas walking through the door, a tight smile on his lips. The man looked sexy as hell with his hand clasped behind his back, his eyes piercing straight through her with devilish charm. All he needed to do was enter a room and her body was already reacting."Solas," she greeted.He didn't say anything as he wrapped his arms around her from behind, pressing a kiss against her neck. She'd been locked away with her advisors all day, and by the time her second note arrived conveying her apologies that she couldn't join him for dinner, Solas was displeased. He had it in mind to take her to the rooftop to at least eat one meal together."Come with me, vhenan ," he whispered against her ear."Solas, you know I can't. We have so much to do before the Winter Palace," IIyana chided but his continued assault along the side of her neck had her giggling in pleasure."You need a break, IIyana. You've been in here all day."IIyana glanced back to look at him with a weary smile. "I know - it has been a long day. But Josie made it very clear that we only had ten minutes before she returned.""I'll be quick," he smiled against her cheek. She turned around in his arms and laced her fingers around his neck, giving him a quick kiss on the nose, hoping that it would be enough to keep him satisfied. "No you won't and you know it," she added. Solas' playful smile turned into an arrogant smirk and he arched a brow in response. She loved it when he looked at her this way and her heart launched violently in her chest."IIyana... That was not what I had in mind," he eyed her thoughtfully, loving the way her body trembled. Solas was still amazed that after all this time, IIyana's sexual reaction to him was just as pure and innocent as their first time. Embarrassed, IIyana ran her tongue over her lips and Solas was suddenly transported back to her bed, his hands clutching her hair tightly as he came into her mouth. He glanced wretchedly at her face... the beautiful bow-shaped mouth, the cream-sating skin, the irresistible way her Vallaslin accentuated her sparkling green eyes, and desire flooded his veins. "But if you insist, I am more than happy to obliged," he whispered huskily."We don't have time," she whimpered as he leaned her back against the table."I'll make the time," he rasped before kissing her softly, completely captivated by the woman before him.Solas's hands glided up her sides, curving around to mold her breasts. Slowly, painfully slowly, he pulled one-button free, then the next, three more until enough skin was revealed for him to lick his way towards the curve of her breasts. He finished unbuttoning her shirt and pulled the garment free and slowly untied her breast band until she was naked before him. He let out a painful hissed when she guided his hands up to her chest and brought him down for a kiss. She tasted delicate and sweet and he devoured her mouth before laying her back on the table. Trailing hot kisses down the side of her neck and nipping at her collarbone, Solas' mouth found its way to her breasts and his tongue swirled around her nipple before taking the bud into his mouth. IIyana's heart pounded wildly as she felt his hand gripped her hip tightly before gliding down to her sex."You're so wet for me already, IIyana," Solas whispered against her ear, sending tingling sensations down her spine. His long, beautiful fingers begin to glide against her wet folds, neither entering or rubbing the part of her that was screaming for release. He was toying with her, enjoying the power he held over her starving body, and she brought her hands up to muffled her cries. "No," he insisted, pulling her hands free. "I want to hear you scream."His mouth returned to her breasts while his fingers continued to tease her folds. IIyana let out a slew of curse words and Solas rewarded her by inserting a finger, then another after she cried his name. His laughter was soft, velvety as he pressed his thumb over the hidden jewel and he spun her like magic with his hands. The sensation was overwhelming and she thrust her hips in rhythm to his strokes.Please...." she said weakly."Ma nuvenin, m'yana ," he said thickly.Releasing her long enough to unlace his breeches, Solas pulled his aching cock free, the tip already glistening from want. He pulled her towards the edge of the table and threw one leg over his shoulder, his lips devouring hers until they were bruised. Winding her hair tightly in his fist, Solas tilted her face up to meet his gaze. He wasn't sure if it was her desire -ridden eyes, the smell of her arousal filling his senses, her body wet with pleasure, or the simple fact that she was lying on top of the world ready to be taken, that triggered the dark wolf inside of him.He suddenly felt drunk with power. Frenzied. Animalistic. Possessive. IIyana was his and she belonged to him. And only him."You're mine, IIyana," he whispered before plunging into her wet core, capturing her cries as they melted into his mouth. She felt like warm honey and he pressed deeper, filling her to the hilt, enjoying the way her body trembled in response. She was so damn hot, so damn tight, that each thrust clenched at his cock, wrapping him in flames, pulling and teasing at his release. "Fenedhis, IIyana. I will never get enough of you."Driven beyond insanity, IIyana drew tight in every muscle, waiting as he built her pleasure at a measuring pace. He took her to the edge and then retreated, only to return until she was wind up so tightly she needed to fly. "Solas, " she gasped. "I - I....can't...""Come for me, IIyana," he demanded, his thrusts quickening, deepening as her moans grew louder. She pulled him in closer, deeper, and clawed at his back until her body exploded into a thousand falling stars. Solas let out a series of moans as her body pulsated around his cock and he came with a savage curse."You'll be the death of me," he whispered against her hot skin after their racing hearts returned to normal. She was weak, tingling, and let out a series of giggles at his strained expression. "I'm pleased to see you are thoroughly satisfied," he said. "I love you, IIyana.""I love you, too. So very much." The dream had Solas gasping awake, his mind racing uncontrollably as he focused on the ceiling above, tracing the shadows with his gaze in hopes of slowing his pounding heart. Beside him, IIyana's breathing was soft and even, and he let out a sigh of relief that he'd not disturbed her sleep. Tossing the covers aside, Solas rolled out of bed to set at the edge and placed his head in his hands.Tonight's visit into the Fade had left Solas shaken, unsettled with concern for his friend, whose cries of distress echoed across the realm, pleading for his help. As he followed Its cries across the Fade, images of it being pulled from the Fade and enslaved by mages erupted into flames until the trail finally ended somewhere in the Exalted Plains. Solas tried to reason that what he was shown may have been a fragment of memories from other spirits, but he couldn't shake the eerie feeling that something was terribly wrong.Soft hands glided along his back and he felt IIyana pressed a kiss against his skin before wrapping her arms around his waist. "Did you have a bad dream?" Her voice was gentle and soothing, temporarily pulling him away from his worries."I'm sorry to have awakened you," he said softly.She trailed kisses up to his neck. "Do you want to talk about it?"He grasped her hands and wrapped them around him tighter, needing her strength, before letting out a sigh of apprehension. "One of my oldest friends has been captured, enslaved by mages. I heard her cries for help as I slept." He glanced back and she straightened up at the look of despair in his eyes. Wanting to sooth his pain away, IIyana guided her hand to stroke his cheek, her voice laced with worry. "Do you know where she is?"He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch, covering her hand with his. "She is somewhere in the Exalted Plains." He didn't say anything more but IIyana heard the hesitation in his voice and she gave him a puzzling stare."What are you not telling me, Solas?""My friend is a spirit of Wisdom," he finally replied and gave her a lopsided smile. "A Spirit?""Unlike the spirits clamoring to enter our world through the rifts, it was dwelling happily in the Fade. It was summoned against its well and wants my help to gain its freedom and return to the Fade."IIyana thought back to an earlier conversation they had in Haven. She'd asked if he'd always traveled alone when studying the Fade and he'd responded that he'd befriended spirits of Wisdom and Purpose who helped him stay curious. He'd also said that these spirits did not always seek the real world, but when they do, they are easily twisted into Pride and Desire. Which meant... demons. IIyana gasped, eyes widening as she stared at Solas, knowing that he too, was recalling the same conversation."Solas, if we are too late....""Yes - and that is what I am afraid of.""We leave within the hour.""Thank you, IIyana," Solas replied, crushing her against his frame. "Thank you." Cullen did not take kindly to IIyana's news that she and a team of three were heading into the wilds of the Exalted Plains before Scout Harding had finished clearing the area. Any attempts to have her see reason were rationalized, justified, and countered to the point that he was seething with anger and neither Josie nor Leiliana were able to calm him down. Storming after IIyana as she exited the War Room, Cullen's caught up to her just as she exited Josie's office, grabbing her by the forearm and turning her back towards him."This is suicide, IIyana," he hissed. "You have no idea what dangers await you in the Dales." Surprised at his anger, IIyana took a step back, only to have his hand grip her arm tightly and yank her forward. "We have not cleared the area.""Cullen. As I said, Solas, Blackwall, and Cole will accompany me. I'll be well protected.""It's not you, I worry about," he growled. "It's everything else - Corephyus, Red Templars, Demons. And let's not forget that the Plains just happens to be in the middle of a bloody civil war."“Which is exactly why I’m only taking a small party, Commander,” IIyana countered.“Your rationalization is ridiculous,” Cullen hissed. “Four men can’t protect you from a herd of enemies eager to tear you apart.” IIyana stiffened. How dare he speak to her this way, as if she didn't know what she was doing? As if she was a little child? Anger flooded her senses and she tried to jerk free, only to have him grab her again and pressed her against the wall. "Let go of me, Commander," she hissed."Not until you listen to me," he said, placing both hands on the wall, trapping her between his body. "You're risking your life for something we don't even know is real. It can be something constructed by a demon who wants to do you harm.""It's not a fragment of anything. Solas' friend is in danger and he --""His friend - who is a Spirit. I have seen my share of abominations, IIyana.""If you don't let go of me - I swear to the Gods, Cullen,” IIyana threatened as her hand went to the hilt of the dagger she’d placed on her side. She’ll be damned if she let another man dictate and control her. Cullen brought his face closer to hers and said acidly. "Try me." His eyes blazed with fury - at her, at her impulsivity, at her inability to see reason. She was a blind fool when it came to Solas. Can't she see that she was endangering herself?"I do believe she asked you to let her go," Dorian's voice interrupted from the stairwell leading into the kitchen. He was casually leaning against the wall, a bottle of Red twirling in his hand. He appeared relaxed as if he didn't have a care in the world, except that his eyes were dangerously directed at the man holding his friend hostage."Stay out of this, mage," Cullen glanced back."Ha! Usually, I would," Dorian said smoothly. "But you see, since joining the Inquisition, I've developed this thing called morals, and I don't take kindly to having ex-templars accosting mages in darkened hallways. Especially when that mage happens to be my friend."Cullen growled. “Leave us, Dorian.”"Perhaps I didn't make myself clear, Commander,” Dorian said quietly. “Release her. Now.” Dorian’s tone left no room for argument. Slowly, Cullen drew away from IIyana, but the tension was so thick between them, she could cut it with a knife. They were pressed for time and she didn’t have time for this. Quickly, she moved in between the two men before they came to blows. "Dorian..." IIyana pleaded softly. She loved both of them and the last thing she wanted to do was pick sides. “I’m fine. Really.”Dorian gave IIyana a long stare, then nodded, as if to say he trusted her. “I’m giving you sixty seconds and if you’re not out of here by then, I reserve the right to come get you.”IIyana nodded.Satisfied, Dorian turned around and headed back towards the door, leading to the main hall. He’d cracked it open before glancing back at Cullen. "Do thank your Blessed Maker that it was me who found you instead of Solas"IIyana let out the breath she'd been holding when the door closed behind Dorian. At the same time, Cullen snapped back to reality and he’d realized his mistake. "I'm sorry -" Cullen said, backing away from her as if he'd been burned.“Are you alright?”Cullen shook his head as if she’d grown two heads. “No! I just manhandled you. I don’t know what came over me.”“I’m sure you were only worried about me,” IIyana reassured. Apart of her wanted to reach out to comfort him, but she was out of time. “We’ll talk about this when I return.”Cullen looked as if he wanted to say something but he only nodded. She bid him goodbye and left him alone in the darkened hallway. His resolve shaken, Cullen slammed his fist into the wall, needing the pain to free him from his jealousy.By the time IIyana gathered her gear and made it to the stables, too much time had passed. Blackwall and Cole were already packed to go, while Dorian was speaking to Solas. By the tic in his jaw, Solas was angry. She barely had time to mutter a greeting before Solas reached out to grab her hand and she was dragged upstairs to Blackwall’s loft. “I’m getting really sick and tired of being manhandled today,” she scowled, yanking back her arm. Ignoring her anger, Solas lowered his gaze until he was eye-level with her.“And I’m sick of tired of the Commander pining after you.”IIyana rolled her eyes. She was not in the mood for another one of his accusations. In fact, she had no patience for any of their accusations. She just wanted to get out of Skyhold so they could save Wisdom in time. “What did Dorian tell you?”“He shouldn’t have to tell me anything. You should have come to me the moment it happened.”She felt a flash of irritation that Solas would interrogate her as if she were at fault for what happened. "There isn't anything to tell. He was concerned about our going to the Plains before the Inquisition scouted the area. I disagreed and left.""Then why were his fucking hands on you?" Solas snapped. "Nothing happened!" She sneered."You would defend him after he's touched you?" Solas accused, eyes widening in disbelief."He grabbed me, Solas. To stop me long enough so that I may listen to him.""Dorian said you were trying to get away.""It's not like that. Cullen was only worried that we were entering uncharted territory.""Why are you making excuses for him?""I'm not defending him,” she yelled. Solas scoffed, shaking his head at such a ridiculous notion. "Are you blind, IIyana? The man is in love with you. Everyone knows it except you. If I hadn't interrupted your dancing lesson with him, he would have kissed you then and there - to hell with what I felt. This isn't about your safety. It's about him and how he feels about you!""You're mad, Solas.""Yes, yes I am. Perhaps even crazed," he gritted through his teeth. "I don't like it when another trespass on what's mine. I. Don't. Share."IIyana stiffened. A flash of memory of another time, of another man, telling her the same thing. She fought to control her anger. "You speak as if you own me," she challenged. "You belong to me.""Just because you're fucking me doesn't make me yours," she corrected. "I am no one's property.""Such language, Inquisitor. I'm sure the Seeker would be proud," Solas mocked. He leaned in until his nose was touching hers. "You've been mine since the day you kissed me, IIyana. Don't lie to yourself."His tone was so cold and dismissive that she felt powerless. Defenseless. She hadn’t felt like this since she left her Clan. IIyana wanted to scream. She wanted to yell. But the urge to react was becoming overwhelming and all she could mutter three simple worlds that had no place between them. "I hate you," she whispered."I'm sure you do," he said, a moment before his lips crushed against hers.His kiss was angry, demanding, and a reminder that she did belong to him and only him. It was unsettling, unhinged, and the rage beneath it was barely contained. He broke the kiss long enough to say, "feel free to lie to yourself. But don't ever lie to me again, do you understand?" Solas lips covered hers again in another deep, searing kiss before he pushed away. He didn't even wait for her reply before he turned around and stalked downstairs. IIyana waited until he reached the group downstairs before sinking into the floor. She bit her lips desperately so as not to cry.
What the fuck just happened?
Anger, confusion, and bitterness clouded her thoughts and her chest ached with the pain of disappointment. A feeling she’s come to know all too well. Will her truth never be enough? She felt naked and alone and she wished Eri was here. She needed him to soothe her temper, she needed him to help her see reason. But after being yanked around by Cullen and Solas, IIyana was angry. A part of her knew she wasn’t responsible for Cullen’s insecurities and his feelings for her. The same part knew she wasn’t responsible for Solas’ jealousy, either. But then why is it that she couldn’t help but blame herself? No. It wasn’t her fault. Fuck Cullen and his overbearing ways. And Fuck Solas, too - to hell with his possessive ways. Neither of them had a claim to her, damnit.
Damn the both of them.
"Why are you so sad, IIyana?" Cole asked when she finally made her way downstairs. Both he and Blackwall didn't miss that she'd been crying. Neither did Solas, who stared at her solemnly. Ignoring her companions, IIyana focused her attention on tying her travel bag onto her horse, then mounted the animal, and headed out. “Truth. Truth. Like a muffled voice crying for help. No one hears. No one cares. She didn’t lie to him. She only wants to be with you.” Cole glanced between his friend and Solas, both wearing grim expressions. "What happened, Solas? Why did you make her cry?”"It's because he's an idiot," Blackwall said, glancing back at Solas whose eyes burned a hole through the Inquisitor's back. "He may be smart when it comes to the Fade but with her, that one is a damn idiot."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
True to her word, IIyana set a grueling pace, stopping only for a few minutes to replenish their supplies then pushing through the night until they reached the border. By the second day, the tension between the two lovers had become so thick that Blackwall and Cole purposely positioned themselves between the two mages for fear that IIyana may actually kill Solas for his stupidity. And Blackwall wouldn't blame her if she did. He'd heard every word of their conversation and could only conclude that Solas was responsible for the argument.
Blackwall had not seen them like this since Haven and it was a chilling reminder of how toxic their dynamic was when one felt crossed by the other. In an attempt to lighten the mood, he and Cole tried their best to engage the mages in light-hearted conversations, but when neither was successful, the group pressed forward in silence until they crossed the Plains.
It was late into the evening by the time they reached the Inquisition's camp, where Scout Harding and her troops have been scouting the area for the past three weeks. The woman greeted them and IIyana didn't miss the disappointed expression she wore when she realized all was accounted for. It has long been rumored that the Scout had a small crush on Dorian and IIyana couldn't help but give the woman an apologetic smile.
"Welcome to the Exalted Plains, Inquisitor!" Scout Harding greeted. "A place with a long and bloody history - even now, the region is volatile. You do know this was the front in the Civil War?"
"So I have been told," IIyana said, shrugging her shoulders. "How are things?"
"Chaotic. Rebels calling themselves the Freeman of the Dales have recently emerged. We're still gathering information but I'm confident we'll have more information by the end of the week."
"Just our luck. It never ends," IIyana said as she dismounted. She was exhausted, her body screaming in pain, and she would have collapsed on the ground if not for the strong and familiar arms wrapping themselves around her waist and holding her steady.
Harding smiled at their display of affection. "Cullen said you were only passing by. I'll make sure your supplies are replenished and I have already sent orders for my men to drop off additional supplies between here and Skyhold." At the mention of her commander's name, IIyana felt the arms around her waist tightened and she clenched her jaw in annoyance. She wanted to shove Solas away from her but she didn't have the energy to do anything more than lean against his solid frame. "Until then, we found a spring not too far from here and tents have already been set up for you all."
"Thank you, Harding. I don't know what I'll do without you." IIyana sent the woman off with an appreciative smile. Then winced, nearly tripping, as her thighs twisted into knots.
"You should have said something," Solas chided. His concern for her made his tone harder than he intended.
"Get your hands off me," IIyana snapped.
His mood darkened in a space of a heartbeat,
She jerked free of his hold and he purposely let go with enough force that she landed on her bottom. She gave him a nasty glare. He gave her an unapologetic smirk tilting the corners of his lips.
With the dignity of a duchess, IIyana gracefully pulled herself up, muttering under her breath.
He arched one brow. "What did you say?"
"I said you're a stupid, crusty old bat!" She snapped.
"Still angry, I see...." He said, giving her a mocking smile.
IIyana glared. She'd been in a foul mood for the past three days and his treating her emotions so lightly had her boiling in rage. Three days - three fucking days - he'd ignored her. Not once did he look her way or attempted to seek her out to apologize. As a matter of fact, he was arrogantly smirking at her as if he were due an apology from her.
"You're such an asshole," she finally snapped.
Solas only laughed, crossing his arms and giving her a direct stare, as if calling her bluff. "Those are strong words, IIyana."
"I despise you!"
"Only because you know I'm right," he growled, closing the distance between them. "Cullen has been in love with you since Haven and you do nothing to discourage his advances."
"You are unbelievable! Cullen has no claim on me and you know it."
He scoffed. "Does he know that?"
"Of course he does. He sees me with you all the damn time."
"Then perhaps you need to remind him again who you belong to," he suggested.
He'd spoken to her in the exact condescending tone he’d used the day he insulted the Dalish people, and it only made her more angry.
This was not how she envisioned this conversation, having spent the past three days fantasizing the way he would apologize to her. With anger giving her added strength, IIyana pushed herself free and stalked towards the cluster of trees, opposite of their campsite.
"You need to go after her," Blackwall suggested.
But Solas remained rooted.
Blackwall cursed silently. He was just as stubborn as the Inquisitor. Shaking his head at both of them, Blackwall scrambled after the Inquisitor.
"She is angry too. Face turned away from pain," Cole said from behind him. His voice was soft, haunting, and a damn reminder of Solas' transgressions. "Why doesn't he trust me? She wants to apologize but her pride won't let her."
Solas sighed. Cole was a spirit of compassion and it was in his nature to want to help those who were suffering. But the spirit's mingling in his personal affairs was becoming tiresome, if not frustrating. In fact, Solas was getting tired of everyone else having an opinion about his relationship with IIyana.
"That's exactly her problem. IIyana's too stubborn for her own good and too prideful to admit when she's wrong," Solas explained, before grabbing his and IIyana's packs and heading toward camp.
It was well past midnight when Solas finally returned from his nightly swim. The water had been cool, refreshing, and exactly what he needed to cleanse the tension from his body. Entering the tent, Solas was surprised to find IIyana asleep in the bedroll next to him instead of Cole. IIyana had ignored him all through the evening - pretending as if he didn't even exist - and when she felt his control snap, she'd purposely stormed off in search of the spring that Harding had mentioned upon their arrival. He hadn't seen her since.
But here in their tent, she looked beautiful to him, peaceful too, and he felt his frustration melt away. He really shouldn't wake her, he thought, but he couldn't resist pulling her into his arms.She grumbled softly in his arms, then threw one slender leg over his thigh. Even in her sleep, she was giving him hell. Solas' fingers trailed softly down her back and she mumbled something he didn't understand. She looked so damn precious that he couldn't resist kissing her nose. She sighed in pleasure and he gazed down to make sure he hadn't woken her.
He owed her an apology. He needed her to hear that he was equally responsible for the friction between them.
"
Ar lath ma,
m’yana
,
" he whispered softly before kissing the side of her neck. He kissed her cheek, her nose, then her parted lips.
Solas was drifting off to sleep when he felt her fingers intertwined with his, and she pulled their laced hands closer to her chest.
"
Ar lath ma, Solas
," she replied before drifting back into the Fade.
At the first light of dawn, the group headed to the southern region of the plains, following the directions Solas' friend had provided. The group crossed the main river, choosing to continue on foot after Solas stated that they were not too far from where his friend had been summoned. They curved around a rocky slope and IIyana's Dalish instinct immediately took over, pulling the team to a dead stop. Just ahead of them was a pile of dead bodies, scattered and burned, with arrows piercing through their flesh.
Solas bent down to inspect their bodies. "One of the mages, killed by arrows it would seem."
"Bandits," Blackwall added as his eyes followed the trail leading to another set of bodies. Only these were burnt, their flesh barely unrecognizable.
"These aren't mages. Their bodies are burned... and these claw marks." Solas' voice trailed into a soft whisper. He glanced up at IIyana and she saw his undeniable fear. "No... no... no..."
"We have to hurry, Solas," IIyana cried.
The group followed the trail of burnt bodies, leading them down a path that opened into a flat area where a group of mages was exhausting all their magic towards the Pride Demon they had imprisoned within a summoning circle. The demon - or what was left of Solas' friend, Wisdom - let out a deafening roar when IIyana and Co. arrived.
"My friend," Solas gasped painfully and his face instantly hardened when his eyes were redirected to the man running towards them for help. "What have you done!"
The mage stopped in his tracks, waving his arms desperately at the demon. "Please help! Do you have any lyrium potion? Most of us are exhausted. We've been fighting this demon --"
"That was a spirit of Wisdom!" Solas growled. "You summoned it against its will - twisted it against its purpose - and made it kill." He took an angry step towards the man and IIyana grasped Solas' arm to hold him back.
"Tell us what happened?" She demanded. She could feel Solas' anger pulse through his skin and she felt a prickle of uneasiness.
The man took a step back, unsure of what he'd done to offend the Elven mage. "We... We were attacked by bandits and we summoned a spirit to help us. But instead this demon came through and we --"
"You summoned it to protect you from bandits!" Solas snarled. "You bound it to obedience, and then you commanded it to kill! That is when it turned!"
"Now listen here, I am --" the man had intended to defend himself but he suddenly found himself shaking in fear. He could feel the Elven mage's hatred and he was unsure of what he'd done to offend the man.
"Shut up!" Solas roared. "The summoning circle, we have to break it."
The Pride Demon let out another gut-wrenching roar and Solas' voice broke then.
"We must hurry, IIyana, before it's too late."
"No!" the man cried, throwing himself in front of IIyana. "It is the only thing keeping us the demon from killing all of us. Please, help us!"
"Fuck off," IIyana hissed. "We're not here to help you." Turning to Solas, IIyana asked what they had to do in order to save Wisdom.
"If we break the circle, we may be able to break the spell. But the summoning circle is a part of the demon's current nature. It will certainly attack us as we attempt to break it."
"Alright, defenses up everyone. Remember, Solas' friend is somewhere inside that thing - be careful that you don't kill it." IIyana ordered and cast a barrier onto Blackwall and Cole as the two sprinted ahead.
Solas pulled her back into his arms and gave her an appreciative smile. "Thank you, m'yana," he stated.
She gave him a reassuring smile, "let's go save your friend, Solas.
While Blackwall distracted the demon from the front, Cole worked to break the pillars from behind. Solas and IIyana alternated between casting barriers and spells, and within minutes, the circle fell. The Pride Demon let out a painful screech before it collapsed onto its knees and transformed back into its original form.
The group watched in awe as the vision of an ethereal Elven woman with long, flowy hair appeared and Solas rushed forward, catching her in his arms as she fell to her knees. IIyana had never met Wisdom but it was apparent by the way he glanced down at her that she meant a great deal to him. She felt a ting of pain in her chest and watched helplessly as her lover grieved for his friend.
They'd been too late and now she was dying.
"My friend, I am sorry," Solas said, his voice was thick with unshed tears.
"Don't be sorry, I am happy," Wisdom reassured him softly, "I am myself again." She glanced over to where IIyana stood and gave her friend a tender, loving smile. "I am glad to finally meet your IIyana."
Solas shook his head. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I was too late."
"But you helped me." Her voice soothed. Wisdom guided her hand to stroke Solas' cheek, determined that her death was not another guilt for him to atone for. "And now you must endure. Guide me to death, Solas."
Solas tightened his hold on her and looked away, closing his eyes before giving her a slow nod. He pulled her into a sitting position and searched her gaze for any sign that she was not yet ready to leave, and when Wisdom only smiled, Solas took a shaky breath. "As you wish."
"Remember, you don't have to be alone anymore," she reminded him as Solas guided his hands to cup her face. Wisdom gave him a smile of encouragement before her entire being shimmered and evaporated into the wind.
"Safe journey, my friend," Solas whispered. His friend was gone and he was alone. Again. He lowered his head in grief and let out a heavy breath when soft hands glided along his back.
"I'm sorry, Solas," IIyana said, tears shimmering in her eyes.
"Don't be... we were able to give her a moment's peace before the end. That was more than she could have asked for."
"You did all you could, Solas," she whispered achingly.
"Yes... and now I must endure." His smile faded at the sound of footsteps rushing towards them, and his lips drew back in a snarl at the group of mages approaching them.
"Thank you," the man said, ignorant of the danger that awaited him. "We would not have risked a summoning, but the roads are too dangerous to travel unprotected."
Solas' eyes burned with rage and resentment clouded his thoughts. It was their fault - they were responsible for Wisdom's death. If it weren't for their stupidity, she would still be alive. He moved so quickly that he had the man by the throat before anyone could react. "You tortured and killed my friend," he said acidly, as the man struggled to free himself, his expression tainted with fear.
IIyana understood Solas' intention before he flicked his wrist and cast his spell. She screamed for him to stop but it was too late - the man and his companions erupted in flames - their screams echoing into the wind... just like Wisdom. The anchor flared and IIyana felt her breath leave her body, throwing her down a spiral of pain, sorrow, and grief, and she knew that somehow, she was feeling Solas' pain. His emotions were wild, uncontrollable, and the rush of energy pulsated through her veins until she felt all the good in her seeped out of her skin - all that remained was the darkness. And it was threatening to consume her.
"SOLAS!"
Her scream pulled him from his trance and he turned his gaze to meet her horror-stricken face. As his fire burned away, the sickening smell of burnt flesh filled her nostril and she became nauseous, needing to get away.
"IIyana," he gasped, taking a step forward only to have her flinched away from him.
Solas' heart stopped and the severity of what he'd done, what he'd shown her, gradually soaked in. IIyana was staring at him as if she didn't recognize him - as if she was afraid of him. His worst fear had finally come true - she saw him for the monster he was. Unable to stop the dread from enveloping him, Solas closed his eyes until his face turned into an expressionless mask. "I will see you back at camp," he simply said before turning around and stalking away from her.
"Solas," IIyana protested, realizing her mistake. She had flinched from the power of the anchor, not for fear of him. She stepped forward to follow him only to have Blackwall's hand land on her shoulder.
"Let him be, Inquisitor," he suggested.
IIyana turned to look at her friend and her eyes flooded with tears. How could all of this have gone so wrong? Nodding softly, IIyana could only stare as Solas vanished from the horizon.
Solas did return to camp that evening but he was withdrawn, distant, and no matter what IIyana did, she felt helpless, unable to reach through to him. But sometime in the middle of the night, he reached for her - his touch anxious but desperate.
"I need you, IIyana," he pleaded against her skin. "Please, I need you so damn much." His lips found hers and she welcomed him openly, with all the love she had for him.
Pushing her onto her back, Solas warded their tent and quickly discarded their clothes. He took her swiftly, almost roughly, and she met each of his thrusts with the same desperate hunger. She whispered loving words against his ear, bit her passion into his skin, and cried out her need for him when she came.
The following morning, IIyana didn’t wake up to warm kisses and soft whispers. In fact, she woke up alone, the place beside her empty of the warm body that held her throughout the night.
"He said he'll see you back at Skyhold," Blackwall explained when she stormed out of her tent.
Cole, who was sitting quietly by the fire, glanced up at his friend. "He thinks you are afraid of him. Her face twisted in horror - she saw me for the monster I am. But he didn't know it was about the anchor. I can tell him if you like."
IIyana felt her heart shattered and broke and she gave her friend a lopsided smile. "Thanks, Cole."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry, IIyana." Cole insisted. But she only gave her friend a long stare before returning to her tent to pack. Besides, it was her fault that Solas was suffering, in pain. And Alone. All because she couldn't control her damn emotions.
The group gathered their gear and headed back home. Unexpectedly, Solas was not at Skyhold when the group arrived, and IIyana rationalized that the man needed time. He'd just lost his friend and he was still mourning her loss.
By the following week, when he still hadn't returned and she was unable to find him anywhere in the Fade, IIyana's worry turned into fear - what if something had happened to him? What if he'd been kidnapped and shipped to Tevinter? Or dead?
By the second week, when Leiliana's spies could find no trace of him, IIyana's fear turned into doubt - what if he was angry with her? What if he blamed her for Wisdom's death, too? Was it all her fault?
By the third week, when it became apparent that Solas did not want to be found, IIyana's doubt simmered into full-blown, bitter resentment, and the inner circle prayed that he never came home.
Because if he did... there was nothing they could do to save him from IIyana's wrath.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
After a restless night of tossing and turning, Cullen finally pushed the sheets aside and made his way down into the kitchen.
His day had been stressful. He'd spent the majority of his morning training and running drills with his men. Afterward, he shut himself in the war room along with IIyana, Josie, and Leliana as the four discussed the political climate surrounding the Winter Palace. When he finally laid himself to bed, he couldn't sleep because his thoughts kept drifting back to her.
IIyana hadn't been herself since she returned from the Plains. Despite not knowing the extent of what transpired between the lovers, it was apparent that something had happened as the team returned without Solas. In the weeks since she'd returned, IIyana had lost weight and dark shadows had permanently stained the skin beneath her eyes. She was quiet, withdrawn, and when in the presence of others, she was distracted - her thoughts far away.
One evening, he'd found her on the battlements, staring into the distance, lost in her thoughts as if gazing into the horizon will give her some form of relief. She hadn't heard him approach, didn't turn around or say anything when he draped his coat around her shoulders. She simply stared into the void. She was quiet for so long that he'd thought he was intruding on her space. He'd turned to leave when her soft whisper stopped him in his tracks.
"He left me," IIyana finally said, pulling the coat closer as if the garment can shield her from more than the icy wind.
Her voice was flat, devoid of emotion and Cullen's heart shattered into a million pieces. He'd come to see her as the Inquisitor - the myth, the legend - and he'd forgotten that she had feelings just like everyone else. He'd become so reliant, so dependent on her strength that he'd been a blind fool to the facade she's put on for everyone's benefit. He'd never imagined that she was carrying this amount of pain, or that she believed Solas had abandoned her.
Ignoring the pain in his own heart, Cullen replied honestly. "I don't believe a man who loves you as much as Solas does will ever leave. He will return, IIyana. I promise you."
Even if I have to track him down myself.
She gave him a tearful, lopsided smile, but it was more than what she'd given anyone in the last three weeks. And it was enough. He spent the next two days making sure she ate all her meals and surrounding her with all of her friends. She wasn't back to her old self, but at least it was a start.
It was well past midnight, the torches running low, and Cullen's shadow danced along the walls as he descended the steps leading into the kitchen. He figured a nice cup of tea was what was needed to soothe him back to bed. What he didn't expect was to find the room already occupied.
"IIyanna - why are you up at this hour?"
She was surrounded by trays of cookies, parchment paper, and strings. When she glanced up, the sweetness in her smile made his heart swell.
"I can ask you the same thing, Commander," she stated and gestured for him to join her at the table.
"I couldn't sleep," he confessed as he sat down in the chair across from her.
"Neither can I." She glanced at him, noticing the disheveled hair, the warmth in his eyes, and the curve of his lips and she thought why she'd forgotten how handsome he was. Realizing that she's been staring, IIyana cleared her throat and pushed a plate of cookies his way. "Since we're both at loss at what to do about our sleep, how about you help me with these?"
He glanced down at the pile of cookies, the parchment papers, and looped a string around his finger before saying, "I don't know what to do."
She relaxed and smiled down at him. "Just follow my lead."
IIyana grabbed a sheet of paper, placed three cookies in the center, then wrapped the package and tied it with the string. It took several attempts before Cullen felt he was comfortable enough to try it on his own. IIyana had been baking goods for the families of Skyhold since Adament and it was one of many attributes he'd come to love about her. As they finished their task, Cullen couldn't help but noticed the sudden change in IIyana - she was smiling, the twinkle was back in her eyes, and most importantly, she was laughing.
And how he'd missed her laughter.
Placing the packages on the tables along the wall for the cook to pass out later in the day, Cullen leaned against the table and looked over to where IIyana was putting away the extra materials.
"Why couldn't you sleep, IIyana?" she heard him say from behind.
She paused, then turned. "I had a lot on my mind."
"About the Winter Palace?"
"Among other things," she said quietly.
Cullen walked over to stand in front of her and she heard him whisper her name. "IIyana, you can tell me anything."
"I know."
"If this is about what happened in the hallway, forgive me. I acted recklessly."
She shook her head. "You were only worried about us."
The small smile he wore abruptly faded, replaced by tightness in his jaw. "It was still wrong of me to treat you like that."
"I know you will never hurt me, Cullen," her voice had trailed off and he couldn't help but wonder if she had come to realize his feelings for her.
Cullen hated admitting the truth, but he knew with every fiber of his being that she was in love with Solas. He didn’t blame IIyana for still loving the man because if what he experienced just by watching them dance came close to anything they shared, it would be nearly impossible for her to let him go. IIyana was a warm and generous woman who shared her love with everyone, but there was only one person she'd reserved her heart and soul to.
He gave her an encouraging smile instead. "It's obvious something serious is keeping you up at night. It may be helpful to share your problems with someone else."
"There's nothing to worry about."
"Perhaps that is something you tell your Commander," he suggested and held her gaze with the eye of a Templar, "but as your friend…?"
She hesitated. In truth, she didn't want to burden him with her trouble since he already has so many others to worry about. But she was tired, exhausted, and she needed someone to listen.
"I have shitty dreams," she finally stated.
"Dreams?" He asked, puzzled.
"Bad dreams, more like it," she clarified, walking past him to sit down.
The way she said it told Cullen that they were far worse than bad dreams. He suspected that she was having nightmares, and Cullen knew a thing or two about nightmares. He's been having them ever since he was imprisoned by a mage, his mind tormented by demons and abominations. His dreams usually kept him awake at night and were the primary reason why he had relied more and more on lyrium.
"My dreams keep me up at night, too," he sympathized, kneeling in front of her until they were eye level. "Sometimes it helps to talk about them."
He could tell by the fear in her eyes that they were bad. Very bad. And he surprised her by grabbing both of her hands, warming them with his. Eventually, her breathing slowed and she was able to let out an anxious breath.
"It's always the same," she began and he encouraged her to continue. "I'm at Skyhold but it's not Skyhold. It feels old - different - and it feels real. So real that I can feel the magic tingling against my skin," she rasped. "Sometimes the courtyard is filled with people and sometimes it's empty. But the place is always peaceful, serene, and it feels as though I am being called home."
Her hands tightened and Cullen whispered words of encouragement.
"I've had this dream many times. Each time, my steps take me closer and closer to the main hall. As I walk up the steps, there is always an explosion -- and then I hear the screams." She sees the concern in his eyes and she pulls away. "I'm sorry, Cullen -"
"It's alright IIyana. You don't have to continue if you don't want to," he said softly. But his voice is warm, tender, and soothes her fear. And she wants to tell him what happens. She shakes her head.
"I see them everywhere. The people who died in that explosion. Men, women, children - Elven like me - and their cries sometimes follow me... everywhere I go," her breath hitches, her face ashen, and Cullen eases her into his arms as she bites back a sob.
"Their flesh melts away and then they see me - they run towards me as if I can save them. They grab me, pull at me. But it's too late, a dark shadow casts into the sky and then the magic burns into my skin. I try to run, but they hold onto me. And after I fall into the abyss, I hear them chant his name."
Cullen glanced down, his face tight with concern. "What are they chanting?"
"Fen'harel," she whispered.
Cullen's brow arched. "Fen'harel?"
"I think I've been marked. I think he's coming for me."
Her heart is beating and her voice is laced with fear. Cullen quickly shifts through his memory until he found what he was searching for: Fen'harel. The Dread Wolf. He remembered something about a bringer of nightmares, stories the Dalish tells their children to keep them well-behaved. More like superstitions, Cullen thought, but very real to her.
"IIyana, it's only a dream. Dreams can't hurt you."
She lifted her eyes and gave him a defeated smile. "But he can. I think he's caught my scent, and once Fen'harel has marked you, you are his forever."
"I will never let that happen to you," Cullen demanded, crushing her against his chest. "No matter what happens, we'll figure this out together. You have my word, IIyana."
The rest of the day was uneventful and by evening, Cullen was ready to throw all his reports into the fire. He was tired of reading, tired of charting maps, and he needed rest. But the knock at his door interrupted his thoughts and he let out a heavy sigh as he shoved away from his desk.
Riley was holding a small package in his hand when Cullen opened the door and the lieutenant shoved the item in his hand before he could offer a greeting.
"Pardon the interruption ser, but the Inquisitor said to deliver this to you immediately," the man bowed and made a hasty retreat.
Cullen smiled at the familiar packaging and unlaced the string to find five, freshly baked cookies.
Three cookies as a thank you for listening to me. Two additional ones because I need a dancing partner
...
please?
IIyana
He held a one up and took a bite, closing his eyes in pleasure as the flavors melted into his mouth. Then he headed towards the man hall in search of his Inquisitor.
She was in the main hall waiting for him, a huge smile plastered on her beautiful face. "I see you received my bribe," she grinned.
He chuckled. "I couldn't have resisted even if I wanted to."
A soft laugh escaped her lips and his heart flowed with joy, then her breath softened and her gaze grew intense. Cullen's smile faded and he lost himself in her eyes, remembering the first time they met when she was introduced to him at Haven. He'd thought her a young girl then, but now, all he could see was the woman before him.
IIyana was also remembering the same moment and she allowed herself to gaze, to drink him in. The lean, solid build. The curly, disheveled hair, the intense light-brown eyes, and she thought about recent behaviors that led to more suspicious thoughts. But she shook them away. Until the pain of what she felt for Solas surpassed, she couldn't entertain the thought of another man. It wouldn't be fair to any of them.
She cleared her throat and looked away. Flushed. "The... ah... the dress arrived and I was wondering if you would practice dancing with me... in it."
"Of course," he blurted, too quickly for one usually so controlled.
She smiled and disappeared into the door leading to her room while he waited patiently for her to return. And when the door opened, the air was knocked out of Cullen. He swallowed. Something about her being in a dress accentuated all her feminine features.
Maker's Breath, she is so lovely.
"Do you remember the steps? You may have to lead," she said. She grabbed a handful of the skirt and gave him an apologetic smile. "It's a bit long," she huffed.
He nodded and placed her hands in his, pulling her closer to his solid frame. She smelled of fresh lavender and her hair was damp from her bath.
"Are you ready?" He glanced down at her tilted face.
She smiled, nodded, and together, they began to move.
"One... two.... three... turn...."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
IIyana wandered through the gardens, making her way to the little-used gazebo at the opposite end. The guest house they were residing in had been graciously provided by the Grand Duke Gaspard de Chalons, an Orlesian nobleman from the historical De Chalons family. A renown chevalier earning his reputation in battle, Gaspard was also the cousin of the Empress of Orlais, Celene. Though he'd not made his intentions clear, IIyana suspected that he would eventually offer an alliance - an exchange of his favor for the Inquisition's full support - for everyone knew that the peace talks to end the civil war will be held during the ball at the Winter Palace.
Despite the autumn breeze, the night was clear and an ocean of stars scattered across the velvet sky, illuminating her skin as she gazed upon the city lights of Halamshiral. IIyana inhaled deeply, the crisp cool air, relieved to finally be here. Her journey to the city had been filled with lessons on The Game, social etiquette, and, she suspected, anything else Josie and Vivienne could invent to keep her busy. If not distracted. And she was glad for the reprieve because she had not thought of him, until this evening, when they had been in her suite, putting on the finishing touches.
"Oh, my," Josie breathed as IIyana turned to face them. When she didn't seem able to speak, IIyana turned to Vivienne who was slowly standing up, a smile dawning on her face.
"Is it that bad?" IIyana joked anxiously.
Pretending as if he were wiping tears from his eyes, Dorian gestured to Vivienne. "Don't just stand there, show this lovely creature how she looks."
Vivienne gushed and held the full-length mirror in her direction. "You are absolutely enchanting, my dear."
IIyana had no idea if she agreed but her lips parted in pleasure and disbelief, as her gaze slowly lifted towards the mirror. Wrapped in a gown of rose silk with a jewel-encrusted belt that accentuated her curves and invited a man's hands to touch and linger, was a woman that IIyana did not recognize. Her hair was pulled back and entwined with pearls, then it spilled over her shoulders in a tumble of silken curls.
"I clean up rather well," she exclaimed.
"That's an understatement, my dear."
IIyana watched her friends beamed with approval and she managed to give each a smile in return. But as soon as the door clicked behind them, her smile abruptly faded and she felt a swell of anxiety lodged inside her breast. Taking one last look at herself, IIyana couldn't help but wondered if Solas would be proud of the woman she'd become... In fact, she longed for his reaction. She wanted him to see the same enchanting vision they had seen.
To hear him say that she was beautiful
...
Her heart began to ache and it was this intense yearning that had her propelling forward until she was outside in the gardens, underneath the stars because it made her feel closer to him.
‘I brought you here because somewhere underneath the stars of Thedas, I fell in love with you, and I wanted to show you how much you mean to me by taking you back to where it started.’
She'd confessed this to him the night they made love. She’d thought what they had was real. How silly and naive she'd been. If it was real, Solas would have found a way to contact her, whether through the Fade or in writing. If he’d loved her, he would have found a way.
"There you are," Cullen said, pulling IIyana from her melancholy and greeting him with a smile. His eyes swept her frame, unable to believe that this was the same woman who single-handedly survived the fall of Haven and found the Inquisition a new home. Slowly, he closed the distance between them. Five steps... three... then one. His gaze roved tenderly over her lovely feature. "IIyana, I can say nothing more other than... you steal my breath away."
"You look rather dashing yourself, Commander."
He flushed. "Shall we?"
The tip of her lips curved into a soft smile and she accepted the arm he presented. Together, they walked to the waiting carriages.
"It is good to hear you laugh again, my friend," Cassandra said as their carriage pulled up to the steps of the Winter Palace. Only Cassandra knew the extent of IIyana's pain, often waking up in the middle of the night to find her friend crying in the rotunda alone. She'd been afraid that with Solas gone, IIyana would not be able to pull herself out of her depression. But gradually, her friend was returning and Cassandra could only hope that it remained that way.
IIyana gave her a small, apologetic stare. "I'm sorry to have worried you, Cass."
"We were all worried about you, IIyana," Dorian interjected. "The next time you decide to keep all that pain to yourself, at least let me know. I do know a thing or two about these things."
"I can't agree more, Inquisitor," Varric added. "If you don't want to talk about it, I'll respect that. But at least let us buy you a round of drinks."
IIyana swallowed past the ache in her throat, thinking how much her life has changed since joining the Inquisition. They had become her family and they had every right to share in her pain, too. She leaned forward and wrapped them in a hug. "I love you guys," she rasped.
Their carriage pulled up to the steps of the palace and Josie met them at the front gate. Offering each a greeting, she quickly updated them on Orlais' political climate. Afterward, Cassandra, Dorian, and Varric made their excuses and each blended into the crowd of the nobility.
"The political situation in Halamshiral hangs by a thread," Josie said. "The Empress fears our presence could sever it, and the Grand Duke is only too happy to have us as his guests. Whether we act as his allies or upset the balance of power, he gains an opportunity… if not a clear advantage."
IIyana considered Josie's words carefully as the two of them crossed the main court, where the Grand Duke himself was waiting for them. Attired in the ceremonial armor that represented his chevalian background with a golden mask adorning his features, the Grand Duke Gaspard de Chelon was an imposing figure. He met them halfway, his voice welcoming, delightful.
"Inquisitor Lavellan! It is an honor to meet you at last," the Duke said as he kissed her hand in greeting. "The rumors coming out of the Western Approach said you battled an army of demons! You must tell me all the marvelous details about your adventures!"
"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, your Grace," IIyana replied. "Thank you for inviting us to the Winter Palace and for the accommodations you've graciously provided." His mouth lingered too long upon her hand and IIyana gently pulled her hand away. She couldn't hide the contempt from her face and she'd suspected by the chuckle escaping his lips, he found her behavior charming.
"Perhaps you can grace me with the pleasure of your company to tell me more about your time in the Western Approach." Gaspard's eyes swept over her body and IIyana hated him immediately. "It's my understanding that it can get rather... hot... throughout the day."
IIyana's eyes narrowed. "Another evening, perhaps," she said icily.
Undeterred, the Duke's smile broadened. He loved a woman with a little fire. "You are a spirited one," he said huskily. "Imagine what the Inquisition could accomplish with the full support of the rightful Emperor of Orlais."
Josie felt IIyana tensed and gently interrupted with the skill of one who've dealt with her share of unwanted advances. "I could see the many benefits of such an alliance, your grace. Perchance we leave the discussions until after the party?"
Gaspard gaze lingered over IIyana's lips, already imagining how they would taste when the Ambassador's words regretfully pulled him away from his conquest. "Keep the image firmly in mind. It may materialize by the end of the night," he licked his lips and smiled. "I am not a man who forgets his friends, Inquisitor. You help me and I'll help you." There was no denying the implications of his words, nor the desire in his voice.
"I look forward to ending the civil war, your grace," IIyana managed, surprised at how well she could contain her disgust. He was making her skin crawl and IIyana plastered a charming smile on her face, hoping it would distract him from her clenched fists.
They crossed the gardens and made their way up the stairs before he pulled her closer to whisper in her ear. "Perhaps you can give me a taste of the Inquisition's power." To anyone who happened to glance their way, they looked like two people engaging in harmless flirtation. "There is an Elven woman - Briala. I suspect that she intends to disrupt the negotiations. My people have found these ‘ambassadors’ all over the fortifications. Sabotage seems the least of their crimes."
"It's worth investigating," IIyana agreed as they arrived at two large, decorative doors opening into a massive hallway lit with crystal chandeliers. Music drifted into the foyer as guests mingled with champagne in their hands. Despite being in the middle of a civil war, Empress Celene had spared no expense.
"Forgive me your Grace, but may I have a moment with Inquisitor Lavellan," Josie said from behind and the Duke stopped, glancing back with a sigh. "I'll see you inside," he said before heading through the double doors and disappearing among the crowd.
"I must warn you before we go inside," Josie said as the two stepped into the shadows at the edge of the terrace. "How you speak to the Court is a matter of life and death. It is no simple matter of etiquette and protocol. Every word - every gesture - will be measured and evaluated for weakness."
"Sounds delightful!"
"IIyana, please. The game is like Wicked Grace - played to the death. You must never reveal your cards. When you meet the Empress, the eyes of the entire Court will be upon you. Every move you make will be used against you."
"Aren't you full of sunshine and rainbows tonight," IIyana remarked cheerfully then chided herself after noticing that Josie was clutching her hands... nervously. "Josie, everything will be alright. You've prepared me well and there is nothing to worry about."
"You are correct - everything will be fine. Everything will be just fine," Josie said hastily as if she needed to convince herself of the words.
IIyana eyed her suspiciously. "Unless... there is something you're not telling me?"
"No!" Josie insisted - rather too quickly. "It's just as you said. Everything will be just fine."
Before IIyana could utter a reply, Josie quickly led her to where the Duke stood at the top of the stairs, waiting to be announced. The room was filled with the rich and privileged, men and women dressed in silk and crowned with the jewels. The crowd parted as they realized who had reached the landing and soon, whispers of the Inquisitor spread like rapid fire throughout the room.
"And now, presenting the Grand Duke Gaspard De Chalons and accompanying him - Lady Inquisitor Lavellan!
"
The Duke stepped forward, bowed, and offered his hand. Together, they descended the staircase that led into the open dance floor while the people of Orlais gathered to get a better look at the infamous Inquisitor.
"Vanquisher of the Rebel Mages of Ferelden. Crusher of the vile Apostates of the Mage Underground. Champion of the blessed Andraste herself!"
The servant announced.
"See how they marvel before you?" Gaspard whispered, rubbing his thumb along her forearm, as they crossed the ballroom. IIyana could feel every single person's eyes directed at her, but she only had eyes for the woman clad in a silken blue ball gown, standing on the second-floor balcony.
"Accompanying the Inquisitor, Ser Cullen Stanton Rutherford of Honnleath. Commander of the forces of the Inquisition. Former Knight-Commander of Kirkwall."
Stopping in front of the woman, IIyana took advantage of the moment by freeing herself from Gaspard and dipping into a curtsy. Empress Celene tilted her head and IIyana straightened, positioning herself next to Cullen, opposite of Gaspard. Cullen smirked when he saw the man's jaw tightened.
"Lady Leliana, Nightingale of the Imperial Court. Veteran of the Fifth Blight. Seneschal of the Inquisition and Left Hand of the Divine."
"How are you this evening?" Cullen whispered to IIyana.
"Still standing, Commander."
"Lady Josephine Cherette Montilyet of Antiva City. Ambassador of the Inquisition."
Leliana joined them shortly along with Josephine. The group waited patiently as the rest of the Inquisition was announced:
"Accompanying the Inquisitor, Seeker Cassandra Allegra Portia Calogra Filomena Pentaghast. Fourteenth cousin to the King of Nevarra, nine times removed. Hero of Orlais, Right Hand of the Divine."
"You are doing great, IIyana," Josie said with a reassuring smile. "Everyone cannot take their eyes off of you."
"Renowned author, Varric Tetheras, head of the noble house of Tethras, Deshyr of Kirkwall to the Dwarven Merchant's Guild."
"And Lord Dorian Pavus, Member of the Circle of Vyrantium. Son of Lord Magister Halward Pavus of Arsriel.
Empress Celene waited for the crowd to fall silent then she addressed the room. "Lady Inquisitor, we welcome you to the Winter Palace." Her tone was warm and inviting and reminded IIyana of Keeper Deshanna - she liked the woman immediately.
"I'm delighted to be here, your majesty."
Empress Celene's entire face lit up and she glanced behind her. "Allow us to present our cousin, the Grand Duchess of Lydes, without whom this gathering could never be possible."
From the shadows, a young, blond woman in a silken, golden dress stepped forward. Her blue eyes swept the floor, assessing each member of the Inquisition before landing on IIyana. "What an unexpected pleasure. I was not aware the Inquisition would be a part of our festivities. A pleasure to meet you," she greeted coolly, her lips twisted into a smile. "We will certainly speak later, Inquisitor."
IIyana regarded the woman with reserved curiosity as she retreated. Suddenly, her senses triggered and she felt a shift in the air - something familiar, yet dangerous was lurking in the shadows - and her instincts told her that something was amiss. Perhaps with the Duchess.
"We have heard much of your exploits, Inquisitor. They have made grand tales for long evenings. How do you find Halamshiral?"
The question pulled IIyana from her thoughts and she managed to say, "I have no words. Halamshiral has many beauties and I couldn't do them justice." IIyana knew she had won the Court's approval when the Empress gave her a radiant smile.
"Your modesty does you credit and speaks well for the Inquisition. Feel free to enjoy the pleasures of the ballroom, Inquisitor. We look forward to watching you dance," Empress Celene remarked before returning to her guests. Music and conversations flowed back into the ballroom and the booming voice of the servant echoed across the dance floor as he resumed his announcements.
"Presenting, the Lord and Lady de Fluer!"
IIyana and Cullen lingered behind the rest of the Inquisition as they crossed the room.
"Smile Commander! You are so handsome" A woman said from the upper floor, and IIyana chuckled softly as he mumbled something under his breath. "He's just as handsome when he doesn't," another woman interjected.
"Marquise Solange Levesque of Montvent – Ambassador of Orlais to Nevarra"
"Are you married, commander?" A man asked from the balcony and Cullen shook his head, annoyed with all the unwanted attention.
"You've attracted a following. Who are these people?" IIyana asked.
"I don't know. They won't leave me alone," he grumbled.
IIyana was smiling up at him and did not see Dorian slowed his pace until he came to a complete stop.
Aware that they still held the attention of a half-dozen eyes, IIyana placed a gentle hand on his elbow. "Dorian, are you -" her question trailed off at his reaction, his jaw clenched so tightly that a muscle began to throb in his cheek.
From beside her, Cullen tensed and she felt his hand glide unto her lower back as if to protect her. A s tightness settled over IIyana and she wanted to ask if something was amiss. But then she saw that his every feature seemed to freeze as he stared at something straight ahead. The anchor tingled and IIyana closed her fist. Suspicion lurked in her mind - made more intense by Cassie's reaction and Josie's apologetic smile - and then she knew.
By the Gods - she knew.
IIyana followed her companions’ gaze, sweeping across the colorful ballroom, and landed atop the stairs. Her gaze leveled on the man standing by the balcony. A jolt went through her and her knees weakened. Fashioned in the same red suit and blue stash of the Inquisition, with the silliest hat IIyana had ever seen atop his head.
"May I present the Lady Inquisitor's Elven Servant, Solas!"
IIyana could only watch in stunned silence as Solas stepped forward. She felt a hundred eyes on her, but the only ones that mattered were the cold-blue ones holding her hostage and searing into her soul.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
That fucking bastard.
That fucking asshole.
How dare he show up now. After all this time. In the middle of a mission for Gods sake.
How pompous he was.
How ridiculous he looked with that stupid looking hat.
And how dare he glare at her as if she were in the wrong. As if she were not the one pining, crying, and wailing in self-pity for an entire month while he was away.
But here he was.
Solas. Her lover. Her
Vhenan
. Returned. In the flesh.
The man was, thankfully, still very much alive and not bleeding to death - or rather dead- as her mind had tormented her for the past month. No, he was standing atop a flight of stairs, looking more handsome than she remembered, and the fact that her traitorous heart was screaming to be held in his arms, IIyana was not going to have it.
Straightening her spine as if she was the Elven Queen of Thedas, IIyana walked up to the stairs, holding onto the railing so that she would not punch Solas in the damn face.
"Solas."
"IIyana."
His tone was so unemotionally flat that her anger spiked. "Inquisitor Lavellan," she corrected and then picked up her skirt and walked passed him.
Dismissing him as the lowly servant he pretended to be.
"My humble apologies, my Lady," Solas said from behind her. "One often forgets one's manners when in the presence of a God."
She turned back and gave him a nasty glare. And to her amazement, she felt the sudden urge to taunt him, simply because she could. "You should watch your tongue, Elf. You're in the presence of your betters. Perhaps a nice trip to the kitchen will help remind you of your place?"
He shook his head in baffled anger and opened his mouth to deliver a scathing reply but the guests around them were beginning to stare, and he closed his mouth abruptly. So for the sake of the game, Solas bowed and played his part. "As you wish, my Lady."
Dorian and Cassandra exchanged glances as IIyanna made her way towards Leliana and the two women disappeared into the crowd. Once he lost track of them, Solas ignored his compansinos and stalked off into one of the empty rooms to cool off
His temper was raging.
She was behaving like a child! Had the damn audacity to call him a Knife-Ear. Her! Of all people.
Fenedhis! She was behaving like a petulant child. She had the damn audacity to call him a knife-ear. HER! Of all people.
IIyana knew how derogatory that phrase was, especially for him. It was a fucking insult thrown at him by the Dalish people after they deemed his knowledge unworthy. All because he was bare-faced.
To hell with her!
She had no right to be angry with him, when he was the one who had the right to be angry.
He’d returned to an empty Skyhold and had ridden like a mad-man to reach them at the Winter Palace. He’d even agreed with Josephine and Leliana to make his presence known after the ball, so as not to distract her. But the urge to reunite with IIyana, to see her again, had caused him to behave like a besotted fool. He’d promised Josephine he would not risk the Inquisition’s mission. But that was before he found IIyana laughing and flirting with Cullen.
Commander Cullen - how he would have loved to punch the man --
Pain erupted in his midsection and he nearly fell to his knees as Cassandra punched him from behind. Her actions had momentarily stunned him, which provided all the distraction she needed to push him against the wall, her forearm pressing into his neck.
"Where in the hell have you been!" She snarled. Her eyes blazed even more as the temptation to skewer him had her trembling with retribution.
"It's good to see you again, Seeker," Solas replied. From the corner of his eye, he caught sight of Varric and then Dorian, as the mage closed the door behind them.
"Looks like we've captured ourselves a lost elf," Varric's voice boomed across the empty room as they walked towards them.
"Master Tethras," Solas greeted with a strained smile.
"So here we are. Long lost love found at last," Dorian said as he regarded the mage. The damn fool - or rather, the poor fool - had no idea how much danger he was in at the moment. Why, if Dorian had his way, he would kill the fucker and throw him over the balcony, to hell with what the people say. "I do believe Cassandra asked you a question."
"Perhaps you should let the man answer before you kill him, Seeker."
"Shut up, Varric," Cassandra growled, adding pressure until Solas gasped. "You have some nerve, Apostate. To show up after all this time. Where the fuck have you been?"
"Now, now, Cassandra, you know the rules," Dorian beseeched. Moving to sit in the cushioned chair across from the two of them. "If I can't kill him, neither can you."
Cassandra ignored the Tevinter, her anger registered only at the mage before her. "I could kill you now and she will never know. Do you have any idea what you put her through? She thought you hated her. She thought you blamed her for your friend's death. She believed you left her. What have you to say, Mage?"
Solas only remained still. Silent.
"You smug bastard," Dorian muttered. " I am going to enjoy watching IIyana kill you."
"You won't hold it against me, will you Chuckles? When Bianca pins you down with one of her bolts?" Varric asked of Solas.
"If your target is within reason," Solas managed to gasp.
"Oh - it will be," Varric laughed. "I'll just have to rename you for the third time."
"Enough!" Cassandra hissed, slamming her body weight into Solas, frame. "Explain. Now."
Solas met her eyes without blinking. "What would you have me say, Portia?"
"You little shit," Cassandra raised her other fist as if to punch him but their conversation was interrupted by a woman's loud shriek and the slamming of the door.
"What is going on here?" Josie exclaimed as she saw the full extent of what was happening. "Cassandra, let Solas go."
"Not until he explains --"
"The only person he owes an explanation to is IIyana," Josie stated. "Now let the man go."
Cassandra reluctantly loosened her hold but not before she slammed her fist into his gut, again, earning her another breathless grunt. "You hurt her again and I will kill you," she warned before storming out, along with Dorian and Varric.
The door shut behind them with a thud.
"Thank you, Ambassador,” Solas said as he straightened his jacket.
"You're welcome, Solas," she remarked. "Pray to the heavens IIyana forgives me when she finds out my part in all of this."
"Knowing IIyana, she would forgive you anything."
"I hope you are right," she said as they walked through the door. "By the way, Master Solas. Leiliana directed IIyana to the guest quarters. I believe she will be alone.”
Solas gave the Ambassador an appreciative smile.
IIyana cursed herself a thousand times a fool for investigating on her own. Leliana had mentioned that an occult adviser had charmed her way into Court, and while they conversed, IIyana had shared Gaspard's suspicions of Ambassador Briala sabotaging the negotiations. All leads had pointed towards the guest wing.
The grand library was a massive room, filled from top to bottom with books on history, magic, love stories, and poems. Stuffed in between several books, and even scattered around the room were secret letters the Orlesians had written to one another. It was a shame that her first thought upon entering the room was whether he would be just as transfixed as she was. They could spend hours here, just reading, and it would be perfect. But she immediately shook the thought away.
He left you. He chose to stay away, remember?
She'd convinced herself their relationship had been a casual affair and that the stress of her position had blinded her to his true intentions. She'd convinced herself that death - and perhaps the end of the world - had contributed to their emotional attachment. She'd almost convinced herself that perhaps, he never loved her at all.
Damn that fucking Old Bat!
The pain of seeing him again was a blow that nearly dropped her to her knees.
The door at the opposite end of the room led into a long corridor gently lit with soft, glowing torches, which led to another set of doors opening into what appeared to be a small study. Moonlight glowed through the window, revealing six pillars with urns, and a hidden latch that activated a torch of veil fire.
Puzzles - exactly what IIyanna needed to take her mind away from all her personal drama. After several failed attempts of lighting the urns, something clicked and the floor slid away to reveal a set of stairs which led to a secret office. Intrigued, IIyana explored the contents of the room, amazed at the treasure discovered, then her eyes landed on the single sheet of paper tossed carelessly on the desk.
Lady M,
I need you at my side tonight. The unpleasantness in the royal wing has convinced me there is no safety within the palace. I do not expect my cousin to employ magic, but I would hardly be surprised if he provoked another infestation; since my court enchanter is not here to assist me, I must rely entirely upon you.
There is no one else I can trust.
Celene
So the Empress suspected Gaspard to strike tonight.
IIyana quickly re-scanned the letter before tucking it carefully into the pocket of her dress. Then she heard the main door open and close and she stiffened. Someone had entered the room. She hesitated slightly as she flickered her hand, a spell ready to cast on the poor visitor, should they pose a threat.
The shadowed outline of a man came into view and when she realized who it was, her hand flickered freely. She was casting her second spell when Solas lunged after her, pinning her against the wall with his body.
"Let me go," she hissed up at him.
"Not if you're trying to kill me," he remarked. "Be still, IIyana."
"Go to hell." She shoved against his frame.
"Aren't you full of fire these days."
"You have my Commander to thank for that."
He didn't care for her answer. "And should I call you the Commander's woman, too?"
"Perhaps you should." She met his gaze defiantly, her jaw set.
All IIyana wanted to do was hurt him as much as he was hurting her, and she was unprepared for his reaction. Whatever bravado she had at the moment evaporated as he locked her arms above her head, imprisoning her between him and the wall. As if he were Fen'Harel himself, hard and unforgiving, Solas gave her a scorching glare. Her breath came in ragged, terrified gasps, and her eye blazed with a panic that only increased his anger.
"I dare you to say that again," he threatened acidly.
"Solas...."
"Ah, it's Solas now?" His grip tightened. He was tracing her vallaslin with his eyes and whatever he was thinking only mounted his rage. "Your face. The vallaslin. In my journeys into the Fade, I have seen things. I have discovered what those marks mean."
"Let go of me, Solas. You're hurting me."
He gave a harsh laugh. "I'll let you go when I'm through with you." His breath rasped in her ear. His voice rang with a deadly purpose. "You say your vallaslin honor the gods, but they are slave markings. At least in the time of Arlathan."
"If this is some sick game you're playing to hurt me because of what I said, it's beneath you."
Roughly, he pulled her against him. "Slaves are often mistreated. Forced to engage in certain activities they do not wish. How should I punish you, Inquisitor? For your insolent behavior?"
"You wouldn't dare try to hurt me."
"I would dare anything. I am a knife-ear, after all."
She had regretted the insult and sadness clouded her features. "Solas, I'm sorry."
"Save your apologies for your Commander, Inquisitor."
His mouth crushed hers, hard and demanding, his only thought was to punish her for her insolent behavior. His tongue plunged into her mouth, searching, plundering, deepening with a low growl.
IIyana fought with all her strength. But she couldn't stop him, free herself from him. She twisted and squirmed but all of her senses - her own fucking body - was betraying her and she let out a small sob.
“Let me go,” she hissed.
She felt him stiffen at the sound of her sob. His lips froze over hers and he searched her gaze. Their bodies were pressed against each other. Their hearts pounded as one. Another sob, one mingled with fear spilled out of her, and he raised his head to stare down at her tormented face.
"You're afraid of me," Solas asked hoarsely. His eyes glittered with something she could not decipher and to her astonishment, he released her. IIyana was too stunned to move, could only press herself into the wall, her breath coming hard and fast in her chest. "Answer me," Solas demanded in a clipped tone. A cry lodged in her throat. His eyes were narrowed and cold as daggers as he waited for her answer. "Answer me!"
"Yes!" She cried. Her body shook. Her breath like rapid fire and panic surged into her body.
"Do you think I will ever hurt you, IIyana?”
She shook her head. "No. But I don’t like when you’re angry.
Solas stopped and inhaled sharply as he saw the tears pool in her eyes. She was speaking the truth. She was afraid of him. How could their relationship have changed so much?
Solas loosened his hold and inhaled sharply as he saw the tears pooled in her eyes. She was speaking the truth. His anger did scare her. He was lost in his own emotion that he hadn’t thought to think about how she may feel.
How could he let his jealousy blind him again. Again?
Did he not trust her?
The sudden urge to make up for what he did was overwhelming and he reached for her.
“I’m sorry, m’yana …”
Solas is relieved when she doesn’t pull away. His lips brushed hers with the gentlest of kisses, then another and another. Each one was sweeter than the next, more loving than the one before, a reminder of what they meant to one another.
“Remember us. Remember me, IIyana.” Solas pleaded.
Defeated, IIyana moaned and melted like honey into his arms. This was the Solas she knew. This was the man worth fighting for.
He broke the kiss long enough to say, "I never meant to hurt you,Yana."
"I know," she admitted.
The dinner bell rang in the distance, interrupting their conversation and reminding them of their reasons for being here. Releasing a regrettable sigh, IIyana gave him a tight smile. She wasn't ready to end their conversation just yet but she had a mission to complete. "I have to go," she said quietly.
He brushed his lips against her forehead. "I know."
She stared up at him as if to say something else, her mind racing with possibilities, but then her mouth abruptly closed.
"Send me away with a good luck kiss?" She said a moment later.
Her request was unexpected but Solas was glad to brush his lips against hers. The kiss turned heated, lustful. He was pushing her against the desk when he felt her spell cast and suspicion clouded his mind. Breaking away, he gazed into her beautiful triumphant face. The damn chit had encrusted him in ice! And, while he was immobilized, she was placing fire wards all around him.
"Damnit, IIyana."
"You didn't think it would be this easy, did you Solas?" Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "It's good to see you healthy and whole, and not dead and bleeding as I have envisioned nightly since you left."
"Release me, IIyana."
"I wouldn't struggle so hard, Solas. If you haven't noticed, you're surrounded by an electric barricade, as well." True to her word, electricity crackled along the entire room.
When had she cast this spell?
"As I was moaning into your mouth, of course," she explained as if reading his mind. As Solas struggled to free himself, he could hear something click from above and the secret entrance began to close.
"IIyana!"
"Don't you ever learn, Solas?"
She blew him a kiss and walked up the stairs. Her laughter was the last he heard as the room encrusted him in darkness. Something sparkled along the ceiling and he realized then that she had also placed a ward at the door. He should have known better. Should have recognized that she was too willing of a participant. Perhaps this had all been planned by Josie and Leliana as well.
He laughed in defeat. He'd completely underestimated his
vhenan
. He tested the strength of her spell and estimated he had at least 30 minutes until the ice began to melt.
Alright, if she wanted to play this game, he was only too happy to oblige.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Their investigation into the Servant's Quarters left IIyana with more questions than answers. Besides the blood splatter walls and dead bodies aligning the floor, the body of a councilman was also discovered - a blade bearing the Chalon's family crest embedded deep in his heart. Before they could investigate, they were attacked. They fought their way through the sea of warriors and rogues, and soon, IIyana was chasing one of the assassins through a series of darkened corridors leading back into the palace. Rounding the corner, the assassin dropped dead as his head snapped back with the force of a blade. Her savior, an Elven woman wearing a forest green dress and silver mask introduced herself as Ambassador Briala, and the woman offered the Inquisitor an alliance after deeming her a worthy ally.With suspicion clouding her mind, IIyana's gaze followed Briala as she walked through the Orlesian style doors unto the balcony to order her spies to dispose of the carnage below. She then turned back, staring, remaining motionless, as if she were gathering her thoughts."Tell me, Inquisitor," the woman's honeyed-voice filled the air. "What would you do with a network of Elven spies at your disposal?"IIyana considered her words carefully before replying, "I already have an excellent spymaster.""One dedicated to the Inquisition," Briala countered. "What I offer is a network that will remain loyal beyond the Breach. Those dedicated and loyal to you." Her interest piqued, IIyana encouraged the woman to continue. "I can offer you people who can move freely about Thedas - noble households, alieneages, the Qun - I also have the means to travel to other parts of this world within minutes. To see and conquer places you can only imagine.""But you lack the power to pull this off.""And the reputation. With you behind me, I can give you the world, Inquisitor."IIyana arched a brow. "As long as I play nice.""Take all the time you need - I am a patient woman after all," Briala encouraged. "But I know which way the wind blows, and I am willing to bet coin that you'll be a part of the peace talks before the night is over. If you happen to lean a little our way... it could prove advantages for both of us.""You said that I am a worthy ally. I would like to know why?" IIyana asked as the two women retraced their steps back into the gardens where their team awaited.Briala stopped short of passing the giant gates that will take them back to the main hall. "I have watched you all evening and I agree - only you can bring a God to his knees. Regardless of the outcome, our paths will cross again. I am sure of it," she said and retreated into the shadows as if she were never there."I heard what she promised you, IIyana," Cassandra said from behind. "You cannot trust her."IIyana chose not to answer, instead, ordering that they all return to the ballroom before the alarm was raised. Cassandra was correct - she couldn't trust the Ambassador. She was even convinced that Briala had purposely offered an alliance to gain more allies to overthrow the crown. But despite their political differences, and what she knew of Ambassador Briala's history, IIyana couldn't deny the fact that both of them shared one common goal and that was to better the lives of the Elven people. Solas' gaze met IIyana's from across the room as she re-entered the Vestibule, and he raised his champagne glass in greeting. His agent had informed him of her exchange with Briala and he was relieved to find that she'd come to no harm. His desire for her only deepened when she tilted her chin and stalked off in the opposite direction from where he was leaning against a giant statue. He watched as she spoke with Josephine and a young woman and then moved along the room as she mingled with Councilmen and Ambassadors.He was biding his time. Waiting. She couldn't avoid him forever and eventually, they will have to talk. He'd learned from Varric the consequences of his behavior and he couldn't help but add another item to his list of atonement. He had needed time to grieve but a situation within his own network required his personal attention; otherwise, he would have returned sooner."Pardon the interruption sir, would you care for another glass of champagne?" The elven woman asked. She was a pretty thing with light brown hair and blue eyes. He smiled and accepted the glass she handed him. She blushed and quickly turned her gaze towards the Inquisitor, her voice shaking with embarrassment."The Inquisitor is lovely tonight, isn't she?" the woman said with breathless wonder."Yes, yes she is," Solas agreed. He took a sip of his champagne, enjoying the tiny bubbles dancing on his tongue before smiling at her reply. "I have heard rumors of her beauty but they do her no justice. She is more beautiful in person. And so kind!"They watched IIyana move along the crowd and the woman added, "what's it like to be a part of the Inquisition?"Solas chuckled softly at the awe that transformed her lovely face, earning him another blush - this time a deeper red. The woman played her part well, Solas thought before confessing that he found it fascinating."Fascinating? Which part?" Her voice was sweet, innocent and Solas couldn't help but lean in, his gaze intense as he looked at her lovely face."The part where I uncover spies." She appeared confused at his response but as his lips curled slightly, her smile faltered and he gave her a knowing stare. "You were given orders, were you not? If the Inquisitor did not align with your leader," he said dangerously. "I only wonder if your lover was aware of this when you agreed.""Forgive me, ser, I have no idea --""You will tell Briala that if she so much as breathes the Inquisitor's name in the wrong way, she will be dead within seconds. And her entire network will be annihilated."Her facade broke and she gave him a tight smile. She listened carefully to his orders. And fearfully."I understand. Now, what about --""To be released. When my conditions are met." His gaze followed IIyana out the room and he placed his empty glass on the tray, dismissing the spy completely. She was already being surrounded when he trailed silently behind IIyana. He followed her through the long corridors and out towards the gardens, having every intention to continue when Dorian snared him."Hello, Solas," Dorian said pleasantly, resting a hand on his shoulder. "Why don't you join me in the study? I suddenly desire your company.""Another time, perhaps.""Come, let's have some wine and we'll discuss a few things --"Solas gave an impatient shake of his head. "I need to speak with IIyana."Dorian's grip tightened into an unbreakable clamp. "I really must insist." His pleasant expression didn't change when he threatened to make a scene. In return, Solas threw him a chilling smile. Denied his prey, his blood was teeming with violence, his temper on the brink of explosion when he told Dorian to lead the way.He followed Dorian through the entrance, down a side hallway, and into a small study. The heavy oak door closing behind them for privacy. The room was delicately styled, with a small Orlesian drop leaf table and a writing chair positioned in front of a trio of windows leading out into a small private garden. On the opposite wall, a tray of decanters placed behind the massive desk centered in the back. A few candles lit the room.Solas made his way towards the windows, hoping to catch a glimpse of IIyana's whereabouts, as Dorian remarked conversationally. "I'll say this for you. It's in your favor that you are looking to amend things with IIyana.""I don't need anyone's permission when it comes to her."Dorian glanced at him, the soft candle gleaming his eyes and over the layers of his hair. "Now you see, that's where you're wrong. She is my family. My best friend. It would be amiss of me to not at least defend her honor." He smiled wickedly, taking great care to pull his gloves off. "And you will need to go through me to get to her."Solas considered his options before his shoulders hitched into a shrug. The last thing he wanted was to create more damage to the already delicate strands of trust he had left with IIyana. "I would hate to hurt your face.""It is a lovely face, isn't it?" Dorian replied and he patiently waited as Solas pulled off his ridiculous hat and set it aside.Neither broke eye contact as they circled one another - measuring, calculating."You shouldn't have stayed away for so long, Solas.""I hadn't intended to.""Perhaps next time, you send word, instead of letting your lover suffer," Dorian suggested.He threw the first punch which Solas easily dodged. Readjusting, Dorian retreated as Solas threw a right. A moment later, Dorian connected with a left cross, earning him a very satisfied hiss from Solas."Your age is showing," Dorian snickered. "Cullen would have deflected that blow."Solas swung with a right, then a left, which Dorina quickly deflected but not in time to stop the right hook that landed squarely against his jaw. If he wasn't so damn surprised, he would have to give credit where it was owed."Losing your flare?" Solas asked with a grin."Tsk, Tsk, Tsk. Such fire," Dorian said. "I have to admit that things have been rather bland these days. Our dear Commander lacks your passion when he's alone with her."Solas growled and lunged at Dorian, slamming him into the writing table, its contents scattering across the marble floor as the fragile wood shattered into a million pieces. Grabbing Solas' arm, Dorian hooked a right foot around his ankle and took him down. They rolled once, twice, until Dorian landed another punch to Solas' face. He let out a savage curse and landed his elbow painfully into Dorian's midriff. The Tevinter grunted and Solas sprang away, retreating a few steps.Breathing hard, he watched as Dorian leaned up on his elbows with a satisfied smirk."You're holding back. You could have snapped my windpipe in two." Dorian pointed out, stretching the kinks from his back. He'd landed harder than he originally thought and his muscles were already beginning to ache."I didn't want to add your death to my list of apologies," Solas said acidly, "before I had a chance to speak with IIyana."Dorian grinned. "It would be devastating." Accepting Solas' extended hand to help him raise, he added, "you took your time returning home.""I was detained," he confessed, hoping that Tevinter would cease his questioning. "But how is she, Dorian?"The tender way he spoke of her had Dorian reconsidering his stance. He was torn between loyalty and knowing the truth of his friend's heart. Perhaps a little nudge is what she needed. "She may be upset but she still cares enough to plan your death. Why, by the time we left the Servant's Quarters, IIyana had settled on flaying you alive, castrating you, then setting your corpse on fire.""Ah.""We are talking about pre-Skyhold IIyana, Solas," Dorian responded and tried not to laugh at the man's exasperated face.Solas turned his moody, blue eyes towards him. "Perhaps I will take you up on that drink." His tone, though low, carried the clear sign of man resigned to his fate.There was a time when neither he and IIyana could remain in the same room without so much as trading insults and resorting to adolescent - sometimes childish - behavior. Back then, she'd drive him nearly insane with her scathing tongue, and if he knew then what he knew now, he would have saved them both the trouble and kissed her sooner. But the Tevinter was correct. In his heart, he knew IIyana would forgive him but she would not do so willingly.Dorian walked over to the decanters and poured the honey-colored liquor into two glasses and handed one to Solas. "Shall we toast to your inevitable demise?"There was a short silence. Then, "she'll send me away with a Dalish ritual just to spite me." Solas said, finishing his drink in one take."Only after she's made you beg," Dorian added and took pity on his friend by pouring him another drink. By the time she sensed him again, IIyana was in the middle of the dance floor twirling Duchess Florianne around the ballroom to the amusement of the court. She should be paying attention to their conversation but her thoughts kept returning to him; his touch, his kiss. And like a damn fool, she'd melted into his arms as though the last three months had not existed. It was as if she'd been drowning in sorrow and being in his arms again had given her the oxygen to breathe, to live, to feel. To love.
You are a damn idiot, IIyana. He'll only hurt you. Again.
She caught a glimpse of him from the upper level and she nearly missed a step, her eyes shifting between the woman she was dancing with and the man above. For every step she took forward, he moved as if he were side by side with her and together they moved as one. Beside her, the Duchess was rambling on about the Gaspard and the Court but IIyana's gaze was directed only at Solas."You have little time, Inquisitor," the Duchess said as IIyana dipped her low, interrupting her scattered thoughts. "The attack will come soon. You must stop Gaspard before he strikes. In the Royal Wing Garden, you will find the Captain of my brother's mercenaries. He knows all of Gaspard's secrets. I'm sure you can persuade him to be forthcoming," the Duchess continued as she was led off the dance floor.IIyana scanned the upper level and when she could not find Solas she ascended the stairs towards her advisors. Cullen was there to meet her with an apprehensive smile."Well done, Inquisitor," Josie beamed with a prideful smile. "If you haven't won them over, you will by the end of the night. You are the talk of the party.""What were you and the Duchess discussing?" Cullen interrupted, although his voice indicated he had other matters on his mind. This was the first moment they've been together since Solas' arrival and she didn't miss the worry lacing his beautiful brown eyes."The Duchess suspects her brother to take the throne," she glanced up as the two walked side by side. "She says the Captain of his mercenaries will be found in the Royal Gardens.""She is up to something. That information was not given freely. We should expect a trap." Leliana stated from her left.IIyana nodded in agreement. "We'll head in the direction of the west wing, but make sure our soldiers are positioned when we need them. I suspect this will not end well." She bid Leliana and Cullen good-bye as the two headed in the opposite direction to convey their orders."May I have a moment?" Josie asked. Although her eyes were expressive and she wore her usual gracious smile, stressed lined her lovely face as she led them to a private corner of the room. IIyana waited for her friend to gather her thoughts. "Inquisitor, about Master Solas...""This was why you were so nervous when we first arrived," Josie confirmed with a tight smile. If anyone knew about Solas' arrival, it would have been Josie or Leiliana. Both knew the ins and outs of the Inquisition's schedule and both knew that she was headed to the Grand Library. Only Josie would have sent Solas after her. "How long have you known?" IIyana asked."Since last night," Josie confessed to her astonishment. "We received word from our Scouts that he would arrive by this afternoon.""And you kept this from me?""We felt it best --""We?" IIyana stated - baffled, confused."The three of us --""Cullen knew about this? Is this why he was extra attentive this afternoon?" IIyana demanded, unable to believe that the man who'd comforted her for the past three months would withhold this information. She couldn't decipher what was worst - that they intentionally kept the information from her, or that they placed the Inquisition's duty above her heart. "Did you all not take a moment to consider how I would feel? To see him here. When you all knew I would be the target of every member of the court?""Of course we considered our options, Inqui-""My name is IIyana Lavellan, Josie," she snapped. "I know you all mean well, but dammit - I have feelings too." She picked up her skirts, ready to storm off but she couldn't because of where they were. She felt powerless, as if she despised it. Helpless, as if she were a prisoner and the only way to freedom was to finish playing The Game. Releasing a sigh of defeat, IIyana stared back at Josie, a woman she's long considered a sister. "With everything that we've been through, I thought I at least had you in my corner."IIyana didn't bother to hide the betrayal she felt as she turned her back on Josie and headed in the direction of her next mission.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"So - are we not going to talk about it?""Talk about what, Varric?!" IIyana screamed, unable to believe what he was suggesting. "Demons are pouring out of that fucking rift, and you want to talk about me and Solas?" She gave him a nasty glare and cast a barrier over them both before fade-stepping towards Cassandra to strike one of the demons dead."I guess that's a no?!" Running around the perimeter, Varric set off a rain of arrows to protect Dorian who was busily casting spells to ward off the hoard of monsters coming his way. "But you can't avoid it forever!""She loves avoiding!" Dorian interjected as he ducked out of the way, giving Varric an appreciative smile.Meanwhile, Cassandra's sword sliced through one, then two demons before the breach erupted and another hoard crawled out from the Fade. "This is not the time or place to have this discussion.""I hear you, Seeker. But Chuckles looked rather pathetic earlier when I --""Chuckles?" IIyana came to a sudden stop- in the middle of the battle - to give her friend a razor-sharp stare. If Varric didn't love her so much, he would have trembled in his boots. "What the hell happened to BDM?""It's a work in progress," Varric replied, rolling out of the way to avoid the rogue who magically manifested."What the hell does that mean?" IIyana demanded as her spell struck the rogue dead, the body slumping forward with a thud. "You didn't hurt him there, did you?""No! That's just dirty."Cassandra growled from behind. "We can use some help over here!"Satisfied with Varric's answer, IIyana turned back to trap the rest of the hoard in an electric prison while Dorian flamed them alive. Working as a team, the group quickly took out the demons and the rest of the rogues and warriors - a trap graciously provided by Duchess Florianne. A trap IIyana would have seen if she hadn't been so damn distracted. She raised her hand to close the rift but once again, her mind began to drift.She thought of Solas, her advisors, what she'd learned about Briala and Gaspard while investigating the Royal Wing, and her hand wavered. As if the rift sensed her weakening, it sent a surge of power straight through the opening."Focus, IIyana!" Dorian shouted loud enough to break through IIyana's fleeting thoughts. "They're breaking through."IIyana snapped back to the present and the anchor ripped through her hand. She cried in pain, managing a small gasp, taking control of her mind to focus on her task. The harder she fought for control, the more powerful the rift became.It was as if the rift sensed her vulnerability.Suddenly, a warm hand slid over hers and pressed warmly.Suddenly, a warm had slid over hers and she was pulled back into a warm, solid chest."Breathe," Solas soothed into her ear.His aura caressed her gently until her ragged breathing calmed. As if by second nature, she leaned into him for support, bringing the rift to a close. He continued to whisper words of encouragement, then love words, and when the rift finally exploded, the world faded away until all that remained was him.She turned to face him. Her breath stilled, her green eyes watching, the hurt in them clear, the pain.His hand on her tightened, as if to say that he was sorry for everything. He thought he heard a tiny noise in her throat, some small acknowledgement of his unspoken words. Wary, green eyes moved over his face, seeking the anger, but unable to find it. Silently, he willed her to believe him, to trust him, and hoped that she would.I miss you. And I love you. He'd wanted to say. The words he'd pushed aside all evening were now bursting at the seams. He was sure she'd felt them too, with every fiber of her being."IIyana, we need to talk," he said softly. "There are some things I need to explain." He saw the subtle shifting of her lips, the merest blink of an eye. And then - the moment was lost.As if she'd come back to her senses, IIyana snatched her hand back and drew away.Cassandra stepped forward, ready to intercept if needed. "Leave her be, Solas. Haven't you done enough?""Stay out of this --""We have to hurry," IIyanan interrupted, neither looking at Solas nor her companions. "The Duchess is in danger.""IIyana ... wait.""Not right now, Solas," she said, cutting him off, hating herself for feeling so weak.She whirled around and headed in the direction of the ballroom. She was intensely aware of his rapid footsteps behind her, followed by Cassandra's. Dorian. Then Varric. She picked up her skirts and literally ran back through the double doors leading into the palace. She ignored his pleas and quickly darted inside the double doors."Now is not the time, Mage." Cassandras had shot out, holding the door closed. "Whatever you have to say, you can wait. You've already distracted her enough."Solas forced himself to stop. Breathing hard with the effort to keep his control in check. Cassandra was right, now was not the time. Reluctantly, he agreed and followed the rest of the party inside. IIyana took several deep breaths, counted to ten, and took in her surroundings. Anything. Anything to distract her from the wave of pain that threatened to cripple her in front of a hundred onlookers.
Damnit. Why? Why did he have to come back tonight? Of all nights. Why did he have to show up like he hadn't left for a month. She hated him for leaving. She hated him for coming back into her life. She hated that she was so willing to open her heart again and forgive him. She hated herself more for wanting to be with him. That she would have forgiven him anything.
IIyana nearly screamed in frustration when she ran straight into Cullen, whose arms wrapped around her tenderly, his lovely brown eyes shadowed with concern. Arms she once found comfort in but were now laced with lies and deceit."Thank the Maker, you're back. The Empress is about to make her speech --""Why didn't you tell me Solas would be here tonight?" Her voice sounded strained and uneven as she flinched away from him.Cullen blinked, clearly thrown off guard."Josie told me she knew. Which means, you must have known, too. How could you, Cullen. I trusted you."Her lips trembled at his betrayal, and he wanted to reach out and touch her, to sooth her anger away. He wanted to beg her forgiveness and carry her away. But his silence said it all.IIyana nodded, her suspicions confirmed. "Anything for the Inquisition, am I right?""No - IIyana. That is not - wait! Listen to me. Damnit IIyana, will you please listen to me?"He strided after her, trying not to make a scene. But she didn't care, she was beyond caring. To hell with their audience.She whirled around to comfort him. "Why? So you can lie to me again?""No - that is not the reason why I kept that from you."She shook her head lightly. "It doesn't matter, Cullen. Nothing matters anymore. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a mission to complete."Cullen didn't get a chance to reply because the doors opened to their right and the Duchess walked out with Gaspard. Together, the pair made their way to stand behind Empress Celene who was waiting to address the crowd.IIyana felt Solas' aura as he entered the room from behind, while Leliana and her spies advanced towards the edge of the room, awaiting their orders. Before the Empress could speak, IIyana separated from the crowd, capturing the Empress' and Florianne's attention.The Duchess stared at her coldly, her lips tilting into a dangerous scowl. "Inquisitor," she said acidly. "You really are full of surprises.""I seem to recall you saying, all I need to do is keep you out of the Ballroom long enough to strike." IIyana hissed. "I believe those were your exact words."The crowd murmured in shock, equally as surprised at the Inquisitor's accusation as her brother and cousin. "Florianne! What does she mean?" Gaspard sputtered."It means she tried to frame you for the murder of a Council Emissary," IIyana explained and toss the blood-stained Chalon family knife unto the marble floor. It landed with a thud, the sound echoed deadly into the room.Florianne scoffed. "This is lunacy, Inquisitor. Do you imagine anyone believes your wild stories?"Celene's eyes narrowed. She recognized the knife. She'd personally had it commissioned for her sister to give it to her daughter. A daughter who was now spewing lies to the court."You tried to have me killed in the gardens, knowing full well it will start a political war," IIyana continued."No one will take your lies seriously!" Florianne stated."That would be a matter for a judge to decide, Cousin."The Duchess snarled at her Celene. "You would believe such filth over me? Someone who, until now, has never heard of you?""Let it go, Florianne," Celene pleaded. "I do not wish to make more of a scene that we already have.""You and your ridiculous obsession with propriety," the Duchess snarled. "It was what made this evening so easy to plan. All I had to do was play the part - act accordingly, respond appropriately - for you to trust me. You are naïve Cousin, and there is no room for fools like you in this new world." She leaped forward. "For Corypheus!" She commanded. "Kill them. KIll them all!"IIyana saw a flash of steel and her hand reached out to cast a barrier over the Empress. But she was too late, the Duchess's knife struck flesh once, twice, and the Empress fell to her knees. Pandemonium broke as rogues manifested from thin air and began killing guests. IIyana saw Gaspard fall, his hands grasping at the arrow in his chest, and then hands pushing her down."Get down!" Solas commanded. He cast spell after spell, keeping the killers at bay while he shielded her with his body and barrier.Leiliana and her agents stormed the ballroom and fought their way towards the center of the room. "Go!" She commanded. "Before the Duchess escapes."Solas pulled IIyana to her feet and the two of them sprinted after the Duchess. Cassandra, Dorian, and Varric met them in the hall and they headed out the main doors, taking the steps that led into the courtyard surrounding the Palace. The Duchess waited for them at the main gates, arrows drawn and ready."I should thank you, my dear Inquisitor," The Duchess gloated. "You played your part very well - both Celene and Gaspard destroyed in a single blow. The Council of Herald will devour one another and while they do, Corypheus will come. The Empire will fall and Thedas with it.""What a pity you won't live to see it," IIyana promised.The Duchess laughed. "You didn't think I've come this far without an escape plan, did you? Your death will be the crowning jewel of my victory tonight."She released her arrows as her agents rushed forward to carve a path for her escape. IIyana and Cassandra threw themselves into the heat of battle as Solas, Dorian, and Varric protected them from the rear. They fought their way through twirling daggers, archers, swords and mallets.Realizing she'll soon be defeated, Florianne slipped out of the entrance gates and IIyana sprinted after her. She pulled the night air deep into her lungs as she tried to keep up.
Damn - the woman was fast.
Florianne rounded the corner with IIyana steps behind her. She dodged the arrow flying her way, at the same time, she released a double spell that hit Florianne straight in the chest. The Duchess let out a howl before falling back, her face scraping the pavement as she landed."There's nowhere left to go, Florianne.""There is always a way," she said, the blood from her wound trailing down the side of her cheek, down to her lips. "I will be greatly rewarded once I bring your head to Corypheus.""You are only a pawn in his little game. If you stop now, you may still live.""And let you win? Never."The Duchess lunged forward, too quickly for IIyana to deflect, and slammed their bodies to the ground. IIyana became tangled in her skirts, and before she could gain momentum, strong hands wrapped around her neck, cutting off her circulation and her connection to the Fade."What's the matter, Inquisitor? Has the Maker turned his back on his Herald?"She raised her fist and slammed it into Florainne's side, earning her a brief reprieve before her head was slammed into the pavement - hard. Pain shot through her head and her temples began to throb. She thought she may have been bleeding. The hands around her neck tighten, squeezing into her windpipe. Maniacal laughter rang in IIyana's ears as she clawed desperately."After I am done with you, I will come for your Commander."IIyana felt a surge of energy shot through her and she fought desperately to escape."Or perhaps your Elven lover? I've seen the way he watches you."The harder IIyana fought, the tighter the hands became. Soon, darkness slowly crept into her vision, clouding her senses, and she could feel herself begin to fade. Hands that had wrapped around the Duchess' wrists began to loosen, go limp, until they fell to the ground in defeat.In the seconds before her death, IIyana had only one thought - she wished the eyes staring at here were not full of malice and hate. But instead blue and filled with love. She wished she hadn't let her stubborn pride get in the way. She wished she'd given Solas the time to hear him out. But now it was too late.A gut-wrenching roar filled the night air and Florianne suddenly fell over, blood from the knife piercing into the woman's chest splattering all over IIyana's delicate pink dress. Air suddenly filled her lungs. Familiar arms wrapped around her, gentle hands touching her face. She heard his tearful plea for her to breathe and she bid his command. Gradually, her swirling mind began to slow and everything came back to focus - the night sky, the stars, his soft voice.His blue eyes. So tender and loving."Yana." Solas' voice shook with relief. His magic calmed as it continued to seep into her.She managed to say his name, though hoarsely."IIyana, can you hear me? Breathe. Don't say anything. Focus on my voice. Focus on your breathing."She whimpered a reply, tears flooding her vision at the memory of when they are in the Fade. He must have sensed it too because he swept her into his arms."The last time you did something this stupid, I told you I will chain you to my side," he whispered as he stared into her green eyes. "And this time, I will chaine myself to you.""... Love... You..." she tearfully gasped.His lips brushed against hers. "I love you, too, m'yana," he whispered aching. Relieved that he hadn't been too late, Solas buried his face in her silky moon-spun hair. As the evening came to a close, IIyana left the politics to her advisors as she slipped away for a moment alone. She walked past the traumatized guests, what remained of the royal guard, and took the path leading to Celene's private garden. She'd hope to run into Solas but he was needed to heal those that were injured in the attack.The garden was beautiful, with perfectly manicured hedges that formed an intricate design, leading to the center with a massive water fountain in the form of two lovers embracing. Trailing the edgers were an assortment of flowers in all shades of white, blues, and yellows. In the far corner was a stone benched, placed beneath a huge tree, it's overhanging branches providing privacy for lovers to meet in the middle of the night.Sitting down, IIyana barely had time to close her eyes and stretched her legs before she heard footsteps. Releasing a frustrated sigh, IIyana winced as her neck muscle stretched painfully. Although Solas had healed the extent of her injury, it was still sensitive to any movement. She leaned back against the tree and hoped that she could erase the haunted look he carried when he thought she was dying.IIyanan opened her eyes to greet him. Instead of Solas she was surprised to find Cullen walking towards her instead."There you are. Everyone's been looking for --" Cullen came to an abrupt stop when he saw the bruises on her neck. He hadn't seen her since the attack in the ballroom. "What the hell happened?" He hissed as he came to stand by her. IIyana's face looked pale, her eyes desolate. She looked vulnerable and defeated as he had never seen her. "Maker's Breath! They had one job. One Job. And that was to protect you. How in the hell did they let this happen?" He brushed his hair through his golden locks, his face strained with stress. "I should have been there. I should have been there to fucking protect you.""Cullen."He shook his head. "I gave you my word that this will never happen again." He began pacing again, mumbling to himself. Reprimanding. Internalizing. Blaming.IIyana reached for him. "Cullen - I'm fine. Bruised, but alive. You have nothing to worry about.""You don't sound very convincing.""You don't have to worry about me," she insisted.He made a choking sound, somewhere between relief and regret. It was a while before he spoke again. "I should have told you about Solas.""You did what you thought best.""It wasn't my decision to make.""It was what the Inquisition needed."His eyes swept over her. "That's not true. You are more than the mantle you carry, IIyana. We - I should have told you the truth, from the moment Solas arrived.""When did you find out?""While you were getting ready.""So," she said dryly. "Before you came to me in the garden at Gaspard's estate."Cullen nodded.IIyana tried to smile, but faltered. She glanced up at him. He could tell she was struggling to keep her emotions in check. The only other time he'd seen her like this was the evening he'd found her on top of the battlements.Cullen reached for her before he could put thought into words. He wasn't sure if it was because she appeared so damned fragile and vulnerable, or that she'd almost died because he failed on some level to protect her. But his hand found their way to her cheek, cupping it gently."Cullen -""Forgive me, IIyana," Cullen said a moment before his lips brushed over hers. He didn't know what possessed him to kiss her, only that he was tired of fighting his attraction, or whatever that had happened between them over the past month."Inquisitor, I ---"IIyana stiffened at Josie's voice and she freed herself from Cullen's arms. Before she turned to greet the Ambassador, she felt the air charged slightly. Hissing, electrifying.Then she felt Solas' aura crashed into hers, and she closed her eyes in defeat.The silence that followed was pressing. The air charged with emotions she couldn't name. Her pulse drummed loudly, painfully, as she slowly turned to Solas. She'd expected anger. She'd expected him to yell at her. But nothing could have prepared her for the pain of regret that plunged straight to the pit of her belly as her gaze came face to face with Solas' pain-stricken face.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The night had ended in disaster and IIyana had only herself to blame.
She should have known that Cullen had feelings for her, but she didn’t want to admit it. Or perhaps she did see the signs and had encouraged it. But that didn’t change the disgust she felt for herself as she charged after Solas, leaving Cullen in despair.
Another marker for her to atone for, among her list of many regrets.
As for Solas, he barely offered a word, only stating that they were needed in the ballroom before turning around and striding out of the gardens. He was nearly to the Royal library by the time IIyana caught up to him.
“Solas, please wait,” she pleaded as she came around, placing both hands on his chest to stop him. “Please, I can explain. It’s not what it looks like.”
"Let me guess -- he kissed you?"
IIyana swallowed over a knot of unbearable tension and nodded.
"Inquisitor." His deep voice was rough with emotion. "Have I failed you somehow?"
"No," she denied.
“Have I disappointed you?”
She shook her head in denial. She was desperate, grasping at straws. She would have said anything to make him believe her.
"Then why in the hell didn't you wait for me to return,” he asked quietly. “I didn’t take you for a fickle person.”
“I never stopped waiting for you,” she cried. “You said you would meet us back at Skyhold but you never came back. I didn’t know where you went, or if you were alive, or if you still cared. I didn’t have a way to reach you.”
“I was grieving, Inquisitor. Despite the arguments we had before leaving Skyhold, I never thought you would turn away from me so quickly. If I had known that my absence would send you straight into another man’s arms, I would have never left.”
She felt like she was losing him and she gripped his jacket tightly. “Please, let me explain.”
“There is nothing left to explain, Inquisitor,” Solas said as he untabled her arms and headed into the library.
“You left … you left me.” She cried after him.
He stopped then and turned back to look at her.
“Is this revenge, then?” he asked. He looked so sad. So alone and all she wanted to do was wrap him in her arms.
She mouthed her denial.
His eyes swept over her face, lovingly but sadly. Without another word or a backward glance, he walked out of the library.
Now, sitting alone in her room, IIyana stared at the stars and ruminated in mute misery. With her hip perched on the window seat, she stared into the autumn night, her arms wrapped around her midriff as if she could keep out the chill that spread deeper and deeper as each moment passed.
She was at fault for some of the friction between them and she knew it.
Blowing unto the window pane, she lifted her finger and drew a heart, and another inside that one. As she began the third one, an image moved slowly into the center of it -- a man with his hands clasped behind his back, coming towards her, and IIyana's heart began to pound in deep, painful beats.
Solas stopped close behind her and IIyana waited, searching his face in the window because she was afraid of what she'd see - or not see - if she turned and saw it clearly.
After a long pause, he finally spoke. "Inquisitor."
She drew in a shaking breath and slowly turned her head, watching his lips twist sadly as his gaze met hers and held it. Without words, he reached for her slowly, giving her every opportunity to object. She stood up and took one step forward and found herself in his arms.
He smoothed her hair, whispering his apologies - his regrets - before his mouth dragged against hers again and again, and when her lips were open and damp, he sealed his overs hers. He kissed her until she was breathless and leaning into him, fitting her body against his rigid length, her arms wrapping around his neck to hold him closer. When he finally broke the contact, he kissed the side of her jaw.
"
Ir abelas,
Inquisitor," he whispered tenderly. "
Ir abelas.
"
His hand gently urged her backward until she tumbled onto the bed and he kissed her throat, worshiping the skin against his lips. She felt a series of tugs and then the front of her nightdress opened, his hand coming to rest against one of her breasts. He waited for a heartbeat, then two, then he slid his thumb over the tip, felt it plucker and hardened. She was quick to respond by turning her body into him, and he pressed her closer. He licked at her flesh, drawing the taut nipple into his mouth, circling with his tongue.
She released a breathless moan that ignited his body with fire.
In one smooth motion, he shifted upward and kissed her lips with raw, dizzying hunger. His hands trailed up her thigh as he deepened the kiss, his fingers teasing softly at the bud of her sex. Solas pressed his fingers into her and the wet welcome of her warmth almost broke his control.
She gasped his name.
He thrust his fingers deeper.
"Again," he demanded. "Say my name again, Inquisitor."
"Solas." She said. Her voice throbbing with emotion. "Don't stop, please."
He gave in to her wishes. He moved his fingers in her and her hips lifted, arching sweetly against his hand while she clung to his shoulder, her nails digging into her flesh. She was close, so damn close, pressing into his hand as he stroked the pleasure from her starving body until it peaked, nearly exploding.
"I have almost forgotten how beautiful you are," he whispered against her cheek, "how delicately lovely you are."
She managed to whisper his name before his mouth covered hers again.
Desperately, frantically, they begin to tear off each other's clothing. There was no desire for sweetness between them. The ambivalence - of them, their relationship, what will happen tomorrow - melted away and all that mattered was a violent need that had to be fulfilled. Pinning her on the bed with his weight, Solas tongue drove into her mouth, filling it then withdrew, while his fingers within her began to match the slow, driving movements of his tongue. He skillfully stroke her until she was on the brink of madness, then deliberately withdrawing again, leaving her body aching and wanting.
Drunk with desire, IIyana release a series of moans as he toyed with her body, then gasped and arched tightly when his tongue traced a hot trail down her abdomen towards her sex.
"Look at me, Inquisitor," he demanded. His hands caught her hips, lifting until his mouth closed around her. By the time he stopped, white-hot sensations were screaming through IIyana's entire body and she was desperate for release.
"Please," she begged. "I need you so much."
He raised himself over her, his rigid cock probing lightly, teasingly at the place his hands and mouth have been. Moaning softly, IIyana arched her hips, whispering her love for him, and she nearly cried out in surprise when he suddenly stopped.
"No! Please," she begged. "Don't stop." Wrapping her arms around him.
"Do you want me, Inquisitor?" He whispered, his hands braced beside her head as he held himself away from her, his face hard. He didn't give her a chance to reply. He eased into her wet warmth with tormenting slowness, then moved purposely backward and forward, thrusting himself a fraction closer, but never filling her to the hilt. Half mad with desire, IIyanas legs gripped him tightly, her chest rising and falling in quick, shallow breaths.
"Do you?" He repeated, pulling all the way out until she pleaded yes.
Satisfied, Solas gave her what she wanted. As if to atone for his absence, he gave himself to her with unselfish determination, moving his body in ways that would maximize her pleasure. He fought down his own pleasure as her body tightened around him and she exploded, spewing loving words into his skin as a spasm of pleasure shook her. He rode the waves with her until he, too, was moaning loudly. His breathing became shallow, his muscles coiled tightly. He plunged into her several times before spilling into her warmth.
When it was over, there was complete silence between them.
She was laying on her side looking at him, waiting for him to say something. He looked tired, withdrawn, lost in thought. She could sense the wheels in his mind turning, assessing as if he were checking all the facts, waging an internal war with himself. Unable to bear the silence any longer, IIyana reached out, thinking she should explain the kiss in the garden.
"Solas..." she whispered. "We need to talk... about what happened."
He was still for a long time, staring at the ceiling; then he gave her a sad, solemn smile. “Tomorrow,” was all he said before he got out of bed, dressed, and walked out into his own rooms.
The road back to Skyhold was paved in both rain and high winds that swept throughout camp, chilling IIyana to her bones. She was cold, miserable, and soaked, her boots making that annoying squishy noise whenever she moved. And as the storm clouds darkened, so did her mood.
It appeared that Cullen had finally waved the white flag, expressing his apologies for his behavior the morning after the ball, then avoiding her completely as if she had the plague. He continued to be polite and cordial, and supportive when it came to the Inquisition. But he no longer sought her company.
Which she felt was for the best.
As for Solas, tomorrow came and gone and he'd yet to give her a minute of his day. In fact, he roamed around camp as if he was some dark, demonic wraith waiting to suck someone's soul. He roamed around for two days before she was able to gather her courage to speak to him. When she did, he greeted her with contempt and she stormed off to cool her temper. He continued to ignore her all throughout the day and evening.
She vented her frustration into her pillow and cried herself to sleep.
The following morning, she tried to extend an olive branch by bringing him tea. He accepted the drink with a kind gesture after explaining that she understood his aversion to tea, and that she hoped he would like her mother's recipe instead. He took a sip in good faith but did not indicate that he was interested in a conversation. His rejection had hurt.
She left him alone after that.
And now as IIyana sat underneath her tent, her gaze followed Solas as he moved around the campfire. She'd had nothing but time to reflect on them over the past week, nothing but time to place herself in his position, and she was ashamed to admit that she'd been wrong. She could find no words strong enough to convey the depths of her despair that he was suffering at her hands. He'd been grieving. Had left to process his loss, only to return to find her in another man's arms. Of course, he'll be upset. She would be as well. In fact, she would believed he’d been playing with her feelings; she’d believed he’d never loved her to begin with
She silently cursed.
How could she have forgotten that Wisdom had died? Or his horror-stricken face when he'd killed the mages without mercy?
Or Cole's words.
‘He thinks you are afraid of him.’ Her face twisted in horror - ‘she saw me for the monster I am.’
All she thought about was her and her own pain, never once did she consider his. It was sickening how selfish she'd become.
Her interest piqued when Solas made his way to an elven woman IIyana had never seen before. She was a young and pretty thing, with light-brown hair and blue eyes that reminded IIyana of a clear, summer day. She greeted Solas with a smile and a steaming cup in her hand, which he happily took. She watched the way his eyes brightened at her smile, the slight blush framing her lovely face as she gazed into his eyes, the two immersed in a private conversation. They both laughed and her stomach dropped.
A pain unlike any she had ever experienced exploded in her heart, obliterating all rational thought and emotions within her. She wonders if this was how Solas had felt in the garden at the Winter Palace. As if something had snapped inside her, IIyana set her cup aside and stalked out of camp. She ignored the calls from her friends, her advisors, and continued walking in no direction at all. She was nearly a mile from camp when strong fingers wrapped around her forearm and snatched her back.
"Where in the hell did you think you were going?" Solas demanded. His tone indicated he wanted to be anywhere but here, with her.
"It's none of your business. Now let me go!"
"I would gladly do so if you didn't insist on endangering yourself."
"I can take care of myself, and I definitely don't need you to protect me."
"I'm sure you don't," he said in a flat, expressionless voice and released her.
His indifference enraged her and she jerked away. "Go back to your plaything, Solas."
"Inquisitor -"
"Inquisitor?" she scoffed. "Not yana, m'yana ... or even
vhenan
? Are you so
fickle
that you discard those you claim to love so easily?"
His eyes narrowed. "Now is not the time or place to discuss this."
"Then when? Tomorrow? The day after? Because I remember you telling me we'll talk and I've been waiting for an entire fucking week!"
He was afraid that if he validated her distress, he would eventually snap and say something unforgivable. Therefore, he chose the easier route - he explained that he came after her because the Inquisition was worried about her safety after she left the camp's perimeter.
"But not you?" Unable to control how her voice shook. "You weren't worried about me?"
"We should get back," he finished grimly, indicating he was done with this conversation, "before they send troops to come look for us."
"You're a damn coward, Solas."
"Back to name calling, I see.
She was so frustrated with his complacent demeanor that she stormed off with him calling after her.
"You're behaving like a child, Inquisitor."
She whirled around, eyes blazing. "I'm behaving like a child?! You're the damn child. You're the one who refuses to talk to me. I'm lucky you even knew I existed considering you barely acknowledge my damn existence this past week." She kicked the ground and mud splattered on his shirt. "Let me take a moment to pray to the Gods that you cared enough to come after me."
"Believe me," he said, wiping the mud from his shirt, "my coming after you was not by choice."
Her words died in her throat. Everything suddenly burned with hurt.
They stared at one another, one cool and collected, the other heated and dysregulating. How long can they sustain before one of them does something to push the other away? She was tired and exhausted, and she just wanted things to go back to the way it was between them.
Releasing a defeated breath, IIyana walked back to him, reaching out to touch his cheek. "
Vhenan
, I'm sorry. I love --"
He snatched her hand away. "Do not say those words to me," he hissed. Rage blazed in Solas' eyes for a moment - more emotion than IIyana had seen all week - but then he shrugged resignedly. "It's not safe for you to be out here, Inquisitor. You either return with me or I carry you back to camp."
Realizing the magnitude of their predicament, IIyana tried to swallow past the aching lump in her throat. The rage she'd seen before had slipped back into a cool mask of indifference, and he was looking at her as if she were a petulant child. She'd rather he yell at her than stare at her as if she didn't even exist.
"Lead the way," she rasped and followed him silently back to camp.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
IIyana awoke to a chilly, autumn morning, though the sun peeking through her tent was bright, far brighter than her mood. Outside her tent, sparrows chirped and hallas grazed in the nearby field. Beyond the ancient stone-walled of Var Bellanaris, the valley of the Exalted Plains looked fresh and inviting, but IIyana hardly noticed.She had spent the night tossing and turning, replaying her conflict with Solas, and torturing herself with images of him with another woman. She must have made a lot of noise because sometime in the middle of the night, Sera had tossed her pillow at IIyana. With an angry huff, Sera grabbed her bedroll and stormed into Varric’s tent, kicking Solas out in the process.“Just because you and Inky are miserable, don’t make us suffer too!” IIyana heard Sera yelled. IIyana half-expected Solas to enter her tent but when she heard his retreating footsteps, she bit her lip in disappointment and forced herself to get some sleep. And now it was an hour past dawn. IIyana knew she couldn’t avoid the world forever, no matter how appealing it was. Yawning behind her hand, IIyana hooked strands of her heavy white hair behind her ear, and gathered her travel bag. Yesterday’s travel had left her feeling sweaty and caked with dirt, but she’d been too tired to bathe after the evening meal. Clutching her gear, she headed away from the awakening camp. She knew that by the time she returned, Blackwall would have taken care of the morning meal while Cassandra grinded beans for coffee, a drink that IIyana had grown to love. Taking care not to trip over any protruding rocks, she carefully made her way down stream. Though the sun was already up, none of her companions were about, which suited IIyana just fine. She was determined to bathe, no matter how cold the water was this morning.In the days following their return from the Winter Palace, any attempts on IIyana's part to speak with Solas had been met with an expressionless, cold exterior. The tension between them was thick, so thick that the entire inner circle had learned to avoid them both.Whispers of ‘ dark days’ and ‘ shit - not this again’ circulated throughout Skyhold. Wagers were placed in the Tavern of when the couple would kill one another.
“I bet he won’t last week.”
“I heard she asked for a recipe that includes snake's blood, viper poison, and elf-root. You know what that means.”
“No way in hell- she plans to paralyze him?”
“That a lie! My daughter’s friend who works in the castle swears that the Inquisitor has been staying up late, studying the Fade. She plans to kill him in his dream.
To IIyana’s embarrassment, even the inner circle had taken to making secret bets against her! “Two sovereigns that the Inquisitor sets the rotunda on fire by the end of the month,” Dorian said as he slid the coins across the table to Cabot, who documented the bet into the book he kept behind the bar. “I’m sorry, IIyana. But as your friend, your best friend, you have a temper. It always gets you in trouble.” As much as his words annoyed her, IIyana knew her friend was right. So when the request to close the Rifts and provide stability in the Exalted Plains arrived, IIyana quickly packed her gear and left. And to her frustration, Solas insisted he joined their party, as the grassland region was rich with elven history. Nodding to the scouts as she passed them, IIyana headed downstream to a spot among the boulder which provided the privacy she needed to bathe. Leaving her boots at the edge of the pool, she quickly undressed and stepped, into the frigid, slow-moving water. She could have used her magic to warm the water, but IIyana needed the cold to numb her from feeling anything.She just didn’t care. About anything.She waded deeper into the stream and fully submerged herself into the icy depths of the river. She was underwater for less than five seconds when she felt hands wrapped around her arm, pulling her back to the surface.“Are you insane? The water is freezing! You could get sick, run a fever,” Solas hissed. He’d been lounging along the river bank when he heard her wad into the water.IIyana started to tell him exactly what she thought about him interrupting her swim, but her eyes locked on his wide bare chest. He was naked except for a pair of dark-brown pants. She swallowed hard. Her cheeks burned with embarrassment. “Sorry,” she shivered. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”“You should be. If anything happens to you, what then? Who will be left to close the rifts? You need to be more careful.”At his condescending tone, the spell was broken. And IIyana remembered why she hated him. He was a cold-hearted bastard who never cared for her, because if he did, he would have made the time to hear her out. She tossed back her wet hair, the heavy masses exposing her rock-hard nipples. “Unhand me Solas before I make good on my promise to hurt you.”He scoffed. “Typical Dalish. Always resorting to threats and violence.”“And you're a crusty old bat who’s too much of an ass to admit when he’s wrong!” She spat.“Do not make this about us. We are talking about your welfare as the Inquisitor.”“Then as your Inquisitor - your boss - unhand me. Now.” She snapped.IIyana yanked back her hand and when he didn’t budge, she jerked forward, slipping on the icy rocks below. She gave a small yelp as she lost her balance. Frigid water closed over her head, its icy fingers clawed her at her skin. Everything was so cold. But then she felt his hand reach for her, felt his fingers grasped her arm, felt her being pulled back to the surface. Catching her breath, she gave a sputtering, choking cough, then a racking, wheezing breath. “Yana!” he yelled frantically as he pulled her against his chest. The fear of losing her was too great and his heart pounded furious against her cold skin. He breathed a sigh of relief when her arms tightened around his waist, and he pulled them towards the bank. IIyana held unto Solas tightly. She wasn’t sure if the pounding of her heart was from the icy water or being too close to him. He was warm and solid, like the comfort of a heart on a cold, winter morning. She wanted to absorb his heat. She wanted to melt into his arms.“Damnit, I told you to be careful. Water like that can paralyze you in seconds, stop your heart and take you underneath. What if I hadn’t been around? What if something else had happened? You would have gone into shock.”As Solas continued to chastise her, awareness returned in full bloom. IIyana spat, struggling to free herself. She knew she was behaving like a petulant child, but she was angry that he yelled at her for nothing. A part of her knew he was worried but another part of her wanted to be petty, to get him back of the misery he’d put her through. “Unhand me, you pompous ass!” He unceremoniously dropped her, butt naked on the cold-frozen ground. Angry, and uncaring of her nakedness, she scrambled to her clothes and threw her pants at him. “Cover yourself, Solas. No one wants to see you running around naked.” She continued mumbling underneath her breath as she angrily threw her blouse over her naked body, thankful that the fabric came down to her knees. “And cover your eyes, you perv,” she hissed over her shoulder as she stalked away from him. From behind, she heard his angry growl but she didn’t care. She hoped he mellowed in misery. “IIyana - WATCH OUT!” Dorian’s roar broke through the sea of the undead. He raised his staff and cast a barrier at IIyana, who managed to escape the Pride demon’s deadly blow in the midst of time. She barely caught her breath before two more undead appeared, swords raised for a deadly strike. She raised her staff to deflect, thanking the Gods that the undead had missed her neck by mere inches. She used her weight to shrug the skeleton off, only to have another attack her from behind. She cast a spell, set it aflamed, then quickly turned her attention to the demons charging their way towards her. Fuck - she was surrounded. “Guys!” She shrieked. “A little help here!” The demons and undead all charged her at once. Just as she thought she were about to suffer an untimely end, IIyana felt arms tightened around her waist, her vision blurring, as her savior fadestepped her out of danger. “Stay down!” Solas commanded as he backed her against a tree, using his body to block her from any oncoming threats. He used his staff to cast and protect and his body to prevent her from running into the thick of battle. Annoyed, IIyana snapped. “I’m not yours to command.” She wasn’t sure if she was referencing the battle or something else. Pushing free, IIyana ran back to assist Varric who was surrounded by demons. “GET BACK HERE!” Solas roar.“GO TO HELL, SOLAS!” She screamed over her shoulder and charged into the middle of the fight. When all their enemies were defeated and the eastern ramparts claimed, Solas charged towards her as she finished closing the rift. “When I tell you to stay down, you stay down,” he said, a muscle tightening in his jaw.Heated, she snapped. “I’m not a dog, Solas.”“I didn’t say you were. I merely pointed out that you were being reckless,” he argued. “We had a plan. You didn’t follow the plan. The purpose of the plan is to make sure we’re all safe.”“I did follow the plan,” she sneered, hands tightening at her sides.He scoffed. “The hell you did! You put yourself into the middle of the battle when you were supposed to provide cover!”IIyana threw her hands up. “What the fuck! I did provide cover. Varric needed help!”Solas snapped then. “I was protecting Varric. He was fine. I had it under control.”“He didn’t look fine to me. Tell him, Varric. Tell him you needed help,” IIyana demanded.Varric gave a slow whistle and shook his head. “Look, I prefer to stay out of your lovers’ quarrel.”“He didn’t need help and you knew it,” Solas suggested. “You did it purposely to spite me.”“I WAS WORRIED!”“YOU WERE RECKLESS!”“ENOUGH!” Cassandra demanded. She was annoyed with IIyana for her impulsive nature. She was frustrated with Solas for his stubborn pride. “Let’s wrap up things here, then you can fight all you want.” “Not until he apologizes,” IIyana seethed, turning her burning fury to Solas. “You have been obnoxious, rude, and dismissive. Not only to your peers but to me, and I won’t have that. Do you hear? If you can’t be a part of the team, then maybe you should’ve stay back at Skyhold.”Solas' gaze narrowed. Dangerously. They both knew she wasn’t talking about the Inquisition. “Don’t make this personal, Inquisitor. As a leader, you need to keep your emotions at bay. Have a clear head. Else you make impulsive decisions that you’ll regret later.”“Oh my fucking gods,” she cried, running her hands through her hair in frustration. “I’m sorry you find me so damn disappointing as a leader --”“Then start acting like one,” Solas chided.Varric whistled. “I wouldn’t have said that, Chuckles.” “ -- should I get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness?” IIyana finished. “Perhaps this isn’t the best time for you both to hash things out,” Dorian suggested.“Tell her that,” Solas snapped.“What the hell does that mean!” IIyana demanded. She took a step forward as Solas held his ground. Having had enough, Cassandra came in between the two. “Inquisitor. Stop this. Now. We need to clear the rest of the --”“I agree, Boss --” Bull’s voice trailed off at her angry glare. He’d never seen her this angry before and he admitted that it was both fascinating and terrifying at the same time.“I can’t believe you’re both taking his side!” IIyana said with disgust. “Because you’re emotional,” Solas stated. “You should take a moment to calm down before you do anything that’ll hurt anyone else.” IIyana’s gaze blazed with anger and she conjured a spell, ready to hurl it at Solas. Just as she was ready to launch it in his direction, she felt strong arms snake around her waist and pulled her away from the group.“Alright my love, time to go.” Dorian soothed. She gave them all an icy glare and bit back her cry, leaving Solas to take the heat for their argument. IIyana walked for Gods how long before she came to a forest region of the Plains. She ignored Dorian’s call and kept walking. With every step, she pretended she was pounding Solas’ head into the ground. “IIyana," Dorian called from behind. "Slow down."She walked through a rocky coordinator and came to a grassy area with a huge statue of a wolf. “How fucking fitting,” IIyana muttered. She was so angry, she wanted to break something. She walked towards the statue - a carved figure of a wolf lounging on this belly, it’s paws stretched out as if it were relaxed - and threw her staff at it and cursed. “What are you doing! Isn’t it bad luck to curse at your Gods?” Dorian said from behind.“I don’t care. I hope Fen’Harel hears me. I hope the Dread Wolf becomes offended and the only way to appease his anger is for me to sacrifice someone to him.” “Let me guess - Solas.”“He's such a dick!” she spat. Then clutched her hands to her side and screamed to the sky above. Dorian watched as IIyana kicked everything in front of her, sending grass and rocks across the ground. When she’d exhausted herself, IIyana leaned against the statue and sunk to the floor, her head in between her hands. “I hate him so much,” she said, more to herself than him. “No you don’t,” Dorian said, coming to sit next to her. “You wouldn’t be this angry if you did.” He heard her breath hitched and his arm came up around her. “It’s okay IIyana. It’s just you and me. Cry. Let it out.” Tears burned her eyes. No words would come and even if they had, she couldn’t have said them. So instead, she let Dorian hold her while she wept. By the time they returned, everyone had calmed, even Solas. They gathered their gear and headed north to set up camp. Dinner was an uncomfortable affair. The group ate in silence and then retreated to their own respectable corners. IIyana was in her tent, packing her gear for tomorrow. She was in her head when the flap opened, letting in a whistle of cool air, and the unexpected outline of Solas. He frowned when he saw her.She turned her back to him, focusing on her task.From behind, she heard him shuffling around for a while then the sound of pages turning, as he leaned back on his bedroll to read. Finished, IIyana stretched on her side and faced the opposite wall, back turned towards Solas. There were a million things she wanted to say to him. A million different ways she wanted to apologize for the rift between them. Thought her pride wouldn’t allow her to because there was part of her that knew it wasn’t entirely her fault. Sometime near morning, IIyana awoke to the sensual haze of hard arms around her and the musky scent of a man. Solas’ chest felt solid and warm and she felt the touch of his breath.She wished she could lie there forever.Solas groaned in his sleep and instinctively tightened his hold as she snuggled closely against him. She wondered what he would say when he woke. She wondered what she would say.After a while, Solas stirred and IIyana pretended to sleep. Her heart collapsed when she felt him stiffen, and felt the hitch in his breath. Then he eased away from her, untangling his arms as if he couldn't get away from her fast enough. She waited until she was sure he’d left and rolled unto her back with a heavy sigh. She hated what was happening to them. She hated that she was so angry. She hated that she was justified in her anger. But most of all, she was angry that she understood why he was upset, too.
“Boss! The rift. Close it before more comes through.”“Got it!” IIyana yelled behind her shoulder as she swept the area with a fire wall and faded-stepped to the center of the rift. She raised her hand to activate the anchor and felt a shadow fall upon her. She turned just in time to avoid the Arcane Horror. IIyana dogged left, then right, shielding herself with a barrier. She cast spells after spells, and still the demon kept coming. She eventually managed to wear it down but didn’t deflect its attack quick enough. She felt its magic slice into her arm and just when she was about to kill it with one last final blow, the demon shrieked loudly as it was encrusted in ice, exploding into a million pieces when Solas hit it with the force of his staff.Then, he grabbed her hand like he’d done at Haven, and brought it to the rift. The anchor activated, green magic flowed freely, and the rift exploded, closing.Anger bubbled, and she knew she shouldn’t, but it crashed into her like a dangerous wave. “What the hell was that!” IIyana exploded. “I had it under control. I didn’t need you to help me close the rift. I sure as hell didn’t need you to kill the damn demon for me.“If I hadn’t stepped in, you would’ve been dead.” “We’ll never know now, would we? Because you took my kill away from me.”Solas sighed as she walked away. “It’s not about the kill. It’s about keeping you alive, Inquisitor”“I’m not an invilad, Solas. Stop treating me like one.”“I never said you were.”She whirled around, eyes ablaze. “Stop talking to me in that tone, Solas.”“In what way are you speaking of,” he said coolly.“LIKE I’M A FUCKING IDIOT,” she yelled.“THEN STOP ACTING LIKE ONE,” he roared.IIyana eyes widened. She was so angry, she threw her staff at him. “You’re fucking rude.” “Says the one throwing shit at me,” Solas argued, gripping her staff tightly. “Keep your voice down. Unless you want the entire world to know where we are.” “Don’t you dare tell me to calm down, when you’re the one who started this shit.”“I started nothing,” he countered. “I saw what happened. The demon had you cornered. Who knows what would have happened if I hadn’t stepped in to help?”IIyana growled. “You had no right to take my kill, Solas.” Solas shook his head in disbelief. How could she not see that she was a second away from death if hadn’t closed stepped in to help? The rift had rippled, sparked dangerously, ready to send another wave of demons into the world, just as the Arcane Horror had her cornered. “I swear--” Solas said acidly.“Are we really doing this again?” Dorian interjected.“-- you place little value on your life, Inquisitor.”“My. Name. Is. IIyana.”Solas scoffed. He shook his head at her in disgust. “Are you commanding me?”A muscle ticked in her cheek. “Yes. I command you to call me IIyana.”“No.”“How dare you!” Anger bubbled like acid in her throat. “How dare you defy my order. Do you not respect me?”“Respect is earned, Inquisitor.”She looked stricken. “So is that it? You don’t respect me anymore?” He shrugged.Her eyes filled with tears. Big shiny drops began to slide down her cheeks. In the past, he would have wiped them from her cheeks. But not anymore. IIyana brushed at the wetness with a trembling hand and lifted her chin. “You don’t have to respect me. But at least pretend you do in front of your companions. At least give me that much.”She waited for Solas rebuttal, and when it didn’t come, she turned around and headed off into the woods.Sera looked from Solas to IIyana then back to Solas. “Well, go after her.”“I second that,” Bull replied.Solas growled. “If you’re worried about her, go after her yourself.”“Well, shite. Aren’t you a stupid man,” Sera hissed. “Stop being Egg-headed. Go fix what you broke.” When Solas refused to budge, Sera threw her hands up in defeat. “Fine, I’ll go. C’mon, Dorian, let’s catch up to Inky before she gets hurt, then we’ll have to deal with Sol-ASS losing his mind.”After the two members left, Bull placed a comforting hand on Solas’s shoulder. “You goin’ to be alright?”“Make sure she gets back to camp safely,” Solas said. He placed his staff on his back and walked off in the opposite direction.
Solas' fingers tightened around the wolf-bone necklace and he lifted his eyes to the night sky. A thousand stars glittered the sky but he didn’t notice. His thoughts were on the conflict with IIyana and their argument. He knew he’d hurt her. That much was obvious. But as much as he wanted to run after her, something in him had broken the night he found her with Cullen.If anyone was a fool, it was as he. But he wouldn’t be again. He thought of what they had, the life he’d envisioned with IIyana, and a sharp, squeezing pain stabbed at his chest. A disturbance to the right caught his attention and he was surprised when he saw Cassandra walking towards him, a mug of steaming stew in her hand.“Here,” she said, handing him the cup. “You were not at dinner. She would not want you to starve.”Solas took a sip of the warm stew, surprised to find that he was hungry. “Had she eaten?”“Perhaps you should ask her that yourself.”Solas said nothing, only thanked her for the food.Cassandra released a heavy sigh and stared up at the night sky. “For what it’s worth, IIyana walked the battlements every night and insisted that we keep the torches burned until morning.”“Why are you telling me this?”“Because you’re in the wrong, Solas. You left IIyana with no word of where you've gone or if you were coming back, and still, she wanted you to find your way home.” Cassandra said. “You may have lost a friend, but so did she. She insisted that you would return but when you didn’t, Cullen was there.” “She should have known that I would come back.”“And you should have known that she would never turn to Cullen or use him in that way. Not only did she have to deal with your leaving, she now has to deal with your anger. The fault lies with you. Talk to her. Give her a chance to explain. Then, I want you to beg for her forgiveness.” When Solas entered his tent, he was surprised to find IIyana waiting for him. She was sitting on his bedroll, a book opened in her lap, and she quickly closed it when she saw that it was him.“Solas.”“What are you doing here, IIyana.”Her eyes flickered, slowly moved to his face. “I thought we should talk…”“Not now. I’m tired.”“When?”“I don’t know.”The lump in her throat ached painfully. Solas ignored her and proceeded to go through his travel pack to pull out a clean shirt. “Please, Solas.” He heard her say from behind.“IIyana. I can’t do this right now.” “Why not?” “It’s late. You need to go to bed. We have a long journey home.”“Stop telling me what I need. Stop speaking for me.”Solas released a heavy sigh and turned to face her. He could tell she was fighting back tears and he wanted to reach out. He so desperately wanted to reach out. But he couldn’t. “Please talk to me, Solas. Please. We - we promised to not shut each other out. I promise I --”Solas sighed and turned to face her. He was annoyed, more with himself than with her. If only things weren’t so complicated between them.“First, I want to say that what you --““You’re killing me, IIyana.” He interrupted. His tone was so flat, so devoid of emotion that she wanted to cry. “Everytime I look at you, I am reminded of you and Cullen, and it kills me.”“But I didn’t do anything.”“I know. Part of me knows that. But the anger - it threatens to tell me otherwise. I’m afraid that if I give you the chance to explain, I will not be able to hold back my temper. I will lash out. Again and Again. I will continue to hurt you. And I don’t want to do that. So please, leave before I say or do something I regret.”A minute passed. Then two. “Are we done?” She finally asked. “Leave. Now.”“Solas -”“Now,” he said quietly, devoid of all emotions. He turned away from her, dismissing her. Again. His word was final. He left no room for discussion.IIyana bit back a cry. She shook her head and scrambled out of his tent, leaving him alone with his thoughts. For the millionth time since the Winter Palace, Solas tried to convince himself that this was for the best. She would only distract him in the long run. She would only deter him from his goals. She would only hurt him. Betray him like the last woman he cared for.
But no, IIyana isn’t like that.
She would only bring light into your life.She would only bring you happiness.She would only bring you a life worth living.
No. No. No. I can’t.
He must not forget his goal. This was for the best. He’d indulged himself long enough. Any emotional entanglements would be too dangerous.It was for the best that he ended this now, before it was too late. But it’s already too late, a small part of him whispered, even though he tried his best to push that thought away.
Skyhold was ablaze with lights when the Inquisition returned home the following evening. Leading her horse into the stables, IIyana greeted Master Dennent with a smile before grabbing her gear and heading up the steps towards her room, informing her companions she would join them for a round of drinks later. She took the steps leading into the main hall with Solas walking next to her, neither speaking. It appeared that they've come to a silent understanding that they both needed to... avoid each other. IIyana entered the main hall and came to a sudden stop, Solas nearly running into her. Standing in the middle of the room conversing with Leliana and Josie, was a tall, handsome Dalish man bearing Dirthman's vallaslin. His medium length, white hair was shaved at the sides and bundled up into a bun atop his crown. A ghastly scar covered half his face, but it only accentuated his masculine features. His rich, velvety laughter filled the room at something Josie said and when his golden eyes caught IIyana's from across the room, his lips twisted into a devilish grin. "IIya! The love of my life! How dare you keep me waiting."IIyana gasped, unable to believe who she was seeing. “E-Eri…?”“The one and only,” he laughed. A familiar sound that filled every empty area of her heart. She saw him move, arms spread wide in greeting. “I finally made it to your run-down castle.” IIyana couldn’t believe it. He was really here. She broke into a sob, dropped her bag, and took a step forward. When she realized he wasn’t some trick of the eye, she launched straight into his chest, his arms wrapped around her in a big hug. He smelled of fresh dirt, trees, and home. Desperately, she clutched him to her as though she'd been adrift at sea and someone had finally tossed her a rope.Suddenly, everything became too much- the month without Solas, the Winter Palace, the conflict between them, and now Eri is hera. Before she knew it, tears blurred her vision and her shoulders shook violently. "IIyana ...". He tightened his arms around her in concern. "What - what's the matter?""I'm so stupid," she cried, her tears soaking into his shirt. "So fucking stupid."“IIyaa, it’s okay. I’m here.” Eri reassured. His gaze swept across the room, looking to anyone for an answer. He’d never seek IIyana this broken. Fragile. Not even when her parents were murdered by Templars. He glanced down at the crying woman in his arms and raised questioning eyes to meet her advisors, then to the mage standing by the front doors. Wrapping his arms protectively around her small, shaking frame, Eri soothed her gently as she wept brokenly into his arms while he glared intensely at Solas.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
IIyana was inconsolable and Eri had never felt more helpless.
Her gut-wrenching sobs tore at his heart and no amount of comfort could ease her distress. When she finally fell into an exhausted slumber, Eri let out a sigh of relief and collapsed back into the coach, his mind racing with concern for the girl he'd loved since childhood. Lost in sleep, she appeared so young and innocent, liberated from the burdens placed on her tiny shoulders since joining the damn Inquisition. She was curled into a ball, her hand rested, palm up, her fingers rested – whereas earlier, they had covered her face in an attempt to smother her cries.
In between her tears and his soothing words, Eri was able to piece together a torrid love triangle between IIyana, Solas, and the Inquisition's Commander. A story of suspicion, jealousy, accusation, then betrayal and rejection. It was the perfect recipe for disaster, a played-out song he'd heard too many times. If he didn't know any better – he would have thought he'd been thrown into one of those Orlesian tragedies one often found on display in the middle of the market square.
What in the hell happened?
When IIyana’s last letter arrived, tucked in between a new blanket she’d purchased from an elven vendor, along with baked Dalish bread, he’d thought she’d gone insane. She must have fallen hard for the mage if she was packing Eri home goods.
He'd been drinking with his comrades when the package arrived, and he quickly pushed the voluptuous red-head off his lap, heading upstairs to the small room he'd occupied for the past four months. He shoved a piece of bread into his mouth as he read her letter, then re-read it again, two more times, until he memorized each word.
He couldn't believe it – she was in love. With the Old-Bat of all people? He'd found it comical. Served her right, he thought. He was pulling ink and paper out of his nightstand when he decided that he would rather tell her face to face.
When she first joined the Inquisition, he'd been worried for her overall safety. He'd even booked passage to return to Ferelden. But as her letters arrived, his concerns eventually dissipated. At first, he'd found her letters amusing, especially when writing about the mysterious mage with no background or clan. And as her letters continued to arrive, Solas became a more prominent figure in her life. Eri had never known IIyana to be so caught up in her emotions before. She was usually the quiet, reserved, and more reasonable of the two. Which made it even more entertaining that she was oblivious of her feelings for the mage.
IIyana whimpered in her sleep, interrupting Eri's thoughts, and he moved forward to pull the blanket up to IIyana's chin. He frowned again at the memory of seeing her distraught in the main hall. It was unlike her to cry in public. Then there was Solas. The mage had stood in the shadows as Eri swept IIyana up into his arms and carried her up to her room. He'd expected the mage to follow but when he didn't, Eri suspected he was somehow involved.
He had questions and he wanted answers. He brushed a soft kiss against IIyana's forehead and walked out of the room in search of the mage responsible for breaking her heart.
When all have gone to bed, Solas found himself pacing the halls and winding stairways of Skyhold.
There was no peace for him anywhere in this place.
IIyana's cries had become a part of him, as deeply embedded as the pain of his failures. All through the evening, his conscience had given him no respite. There was simply no evading the immensity of his actions or his blind foolishness. He didn't want to see her. He didn't want to speak with her. He was afraid that by doing so, he would snap. But he also couldn't forget the image of her broken, shattered body as Eri carried her upstairs.
Self-contempt roiled in his belly.
Despite everything, he should have trusted her love for him. He should have believed her when she said there was nothing between her and Cullen. He should have listened instead of jumping to conclusions. All the signs of her loyalty, her commitment to him was there... her anger upon his return... the flash of hurt when he accosted her in the library... her chasing after him after Cullen's kiss. Even the tea was a bargain for forgiveness on her part. A better man would have seen this, he acknowledged bitterly, and he cursed himself swiftly for allowing jealousy to sway his good judgment.
Once again, will he ever learn?
He reached the main hall and the past caught up to him. He paused, looking for a moment towards IIyana's chambers. Memories returned, tormenting him first with IIyana's voice:
‘Solas... there is nothing in your past or your future that would change the way I feel about you. Nothing. When I look at you, I see only you.
I dreamt of what it would be like if you were mine.
Ar lath ma, Solas. So very much.’
Then his.
‘Have you ever wanted something so badly, so desperately - something that was within your grasp - and yet you were afraid to reach for it?
I have never known such peace than the moments when you look at me.
Ar lath ma, m'yana. Now and Always.’
He bit back a savage curse.
The memories were too sad, too brutal, and Solas buried it underneath along with a thousand shades of regret. He turned right and headed into the rotunda and was surprised to find it already occupied. Eri Lavellan was sitting at his desk, feet propped on top of the surface.
"I've been waiting for you, you ‘Old-Bat,’" Eri exclaimed with a grin and held up three bottles. "Care for some good 'ol Dragon Piss before we began the interrogation?"
"No."
"C'mon. I had to resort to shameful behavior to get this from the kitchen staff." Eri placed two glasses on the corner of the desk.
"Why are you awake at this hour?"
"The same reason you are – IIyana. With her nearly half-dead from a broken heart, someone had to hold vigil, am I right?" Eri poured two fingers into each class. As Solas reached for his, Eri said, "oh wait, let me double yours. Trust me, you're going to need it."
Eri took a swift of his drink and hissed at the burning sensation that ran down his throat and then exclaimed, "you are a fucking man," when Solas downed his drink in one take.
"That's an understatement," Solas announced. He pushed his cup back to Eri who refilled both of their glasses. They drank one, then two cups, before Eri leaned forward on the desk, his gaze intense and direct.
"IIyaa said you disappeared for an entire month without letting her know your whereabouts," Eri stated. "Then in dramatic fashion, you return like a fabled knight in shiny armor only to accuse her of being Cullen's whore." Eri drowned his cup. "
Solas swallowed down the hard knot that had lodged in his throat. He lifted his eyes to the man sitting before him.
"She didn't initiate the kiss, and she's not in love with him. In case you were curious," Eri added.
Two more glasses were refilled.
"Where did you go?" Eri asked.
"That is for me to tell her."
"Did you have plans to return to IIyaa?"
Solas brought the cup to his lips. "Yes."
Eri nodded slowly, his lips curling into a slight, wry smile. "Then I will respect your decision to tell her yourself. Do you love her? Never mind, that was a stupid question. Of course you do, else you wouldn't be here drowning your sorrows like a love-sick fool."
The cups were refilled three more times.
"She told me you believe her to be Cullen's whore."
"Do not call her that."
"Then the Commander's Paramore? Leman? Lady of the Night?"
Solas slammed his cup down unto the desk, his face contorted into an ugly sneer.
"It's refreshing to see you still fucking care," Eri stated, pouring the liquid into Solas empty cup. "The problem with you, Old-Bat, is that you're an emotional wreck. One minute you love my IIyaa, the next minute, you treat her like shit. And it blows my fucking mind that of all people, she's chosen to love you."
"She's a damn fool to love me," Solas said regretfully. "All I do is hurt her."
"And now here we all are, suffering the consequences. But you know how IIyaa is, once that girl has made up her damn mind, there is no convincing her otherwise. Now drink up, because I have a story to tell you and it's going to take another bottle or two before we finish."
Eri waited until the both of them had finished the first bottle, then a third of the next one before he asked, "do you know why IIyaa loves you so damn much?"
Solas slowly shook his head. The liquor was beating down his defense and he suddenly found this need to repent his sins to IIyana's friend. "I suspect it has something to do with the way I make her feel."
Eri nodded in agreement. "It's because you see her vulnerability but you don't treat her as fragile."
"IIyana is more than capable of taking care of herself."
"Exactly - but not many are aware of that. People either see her as this small, tiny thing, ready to break. Or they see her for the title she wears – First to Clan Lavellan, Herald of Andraste, the Inquisitor. Even here she is treated as some mythical creature. People usually don't see past her façade, but you do. And that is why she loves you – you see her and you don't treat her as anything less. I want to help you understand my IIyaa."
Reflecting on yesterday, Solas shook his head. "Perhaps you shouldn't be telling me anything. IIyana and I are at odds. She will be upset with you for telling me this, and I don't wish to strain another one of her relationships."
"Trust me, if I thought you would weaponize what I tell you, I'd keep my silence. But you won't do that." A smile flickered briefly across Eri's face. "You may be a dick but you are a damn honorable one."
The men took another drink from their cups before Eri drew along a breath and began. "Did you know our parents were killed when we were both young? She was twelve and me, fifteen. Their convoy was attacked on the way to one of the free markets near Starkhaven by Templars who mistook them for apostates. We were awakened in the middle of the night and taken to Keeper Deshanna and told the news. Since there were no bodies to recover, there were no Dalish rituals to send them to the afterlife."
"My apologies – I know how the Dalish --"
"Love our rituals and traditions? To be honest, it's all a just one fucking joke," Eri added. Then he continued with his story. "They practice love and tolerance but as you can imagine, the Dalish can be heartless bastards, too. There was no place for two pitiful orphans within the clan – no patience or love. We weren't looked after or cared for, and it was rare if people remembered us. So unsure of what to do, the elders left us to our own devices and we ran amok."
Eri brought his empty cup up to the light, turning it in his fingers. "Ferelden became our playground, our imagination the map for our adventures. We taught ourselves to fish and hunt, to trade and negotiate, even how to survive in the wilds. Our days were spent side by side and our nights, exploring elven ruins. IIyana became my confidant. My family and I, hers."
It suddenly became apparent to Solas why IIyana was deeply attached to the people she cared for. Since her parents’ death, she hadn’t known what it felt like to belong to people who loved her.
"Don't pity us, Solas. Our childhood is what shaped us into the individuals we are today. We may not have had a traditional family but we had each other, and it was enough." Then a haunted look cast over Eri's face and he swallowed inaudibly. "When IIyaa came into her magic, everything changed. She was groomed, manipulated, used as a pawn to manage my uncontrollable and rebellious behavior." He refilled Solas glass. "You're probably going to want to drink for this. During the fall of her eighteenth birthday, the son of the Keeper of a neighboring clan, Eldrin, took an interest to IIyaa and negotiations for their bonding ceremony began. Of course, she had no say in it – she was trained to follow her duties."
Solas watched as Eri poured the remaining liquid into the two cups then threw his head back and drank the rest from the bottle. "The asshole couldn't even wait to keep his filthy hands to himself. The first night before the bonding ceremony was to begin, I found him cornering her in the forest, his hands groping her in places she shouldn't be touched."
Solas' eyes narrowed and he held his breath.
"Only the Gods knew what he would have done if I hadn't interrupted," Eri said dryly. "We fought and I broke his nose. When the Elders found us, Eldrin accused me of assaulting IIyana. When she defended me, he implicated her by claiming he found both of us frolicking in the woods. We were dragged into the middle of the festivities in front of the two clans, our crimes laid out in the open."
"You Keeper didn't step in to help?"
"Deshanna may be highly regarded in our clan but her position held no authority or say within Dalish laws. We've offended the son of a prestigious family and we must be punished."
"What happened next?"
"This," Eri stated, pointing at the ugly gash on his face. "I was whipped to an inch of my life while IIyana was forced to watch. She pleaded, begged on her knees in front of those elves. Angry that she was pleading for my life, Eldrin kicked IIyana so hard on the side that he dislocated her arm. He then shoved a hunting knife into her hands and demanded she mark my face. ‘He insulted me, IIyana. This is the only way I will forgive him,’ he'd said to her. When she didn't move fast enough, he slammed her face into my bloody back."
Solas' hand tightened around his empty glass. His voice was deadly when said, "is he alive?"
"He is long dead," Eri replied flatly. "To save both of our lives, Deshanna – ordered IIyana to obey Eldrin's wishes. She even told IIyana that it was her duty as First to do what is best for the clan... she was forced to cut my face until it reached the bone."
The silence that followed was achingly painful. Never would he have imagined that she grew up with such a sham of a family. "IIyana never told me this," Solas rasped. "She speaks briefly about her clan but not what life was like. About her parents, her childhood..."
"She never talks about it. The guilt of what she had to do, the shame of going through with it, it's a burden she's carried since that night. She's forgiven Deshanna, the clan, but not herself. Never herself."
"It wasn't her fault."
"Correct. But, she doesn't feel that way. She confessed to me years later that she had a choice to make that night – and she chose wrong."
"She chose her duty."
"Instead of following her heart." Eri smiled sadly. "She admitted that she didn't do it to save my life, she did it because it was what was expected of her. She chose her duty that night because she was afraid that if she didn't, she would have been cast out again. You have to forgive her though – she grew up unloved and unwanted. Once you receive a taste of it, the feeling becomes addictive."
Solas nodded.
"She is everything that is good in my life, Solas. She is the reason why my life is worth living. If she continues to remain the Inquisitor, she needs to remember who she is versus what she should be. It'll destroy her. And that is why I need you to fix this clusterfuck of a mess separating you two."
"I would think you want me out of her life."
"Like I said earlier; You. See. Her."
Solas bowed his head. "It's too late. I've done and said too much."
"IIyaa would be the first to say, it only takes one person to make a change." Eri slipped his hand inside his shirt pocket and withdrew a small bundle of letters. He extended it to Solas. "After you read these, if you are not yet convinced of her feelings for you, then I suggest you end it now rather than later. If anything, I want you to understand that IIyana is similar to me – people may come in and out of our lives – but we'll love only once. And it will be for always."
IIyana felt him the moment he entered her chamber.
Pushing himself forward to the edge of the bed, Solas looked down upon the only woman he had ever loved, for he recognized now that his feelings for the others had been nothing compared to what he felt for IIyana. He hadn't even known what love was until IIyana entered his life. He'd spent the past hour reading the letters she'd sent to Eri, each detailing her life with the Inquisition. Most were about him. The last letter had been dated a month earlier, just before Wisdom's death.
Dear Eri,
Fall has finally found its way to Skyhold and I couldn't help but think of you today. Our lives have been rather difficult, don't you think? Growing up alone, unloved, just the two of us against the entire world...
I want you to know that I've finally made peace with what happened that night. Although you had never held me responsible for my part in inflicting your pain, I've long carried it in my heart as you longed suspected me to do so. But this season is different, Eri. Instead of the dreadful cold that usually fills me with emptiness, suddenly there is a warmth in its place, and I finally understand what you mean by being free.
It's because of Solas. He sees me, Eri. Just as you do.
I know my previous letters have painted him in a horrible light, but somehow amidst this damn chaos of a world, we've reached some kind of understanding. He loves me and I feel it every time he looks at me. I am happy, Eri, so incredibly happy. The kind of sappy happiness that makes you feel as though you're walking on clouds. The kind where you know you've finally found your place in the world – a place where you belong, a place to call home.
And he is so beautiful, Eri... so beautiful. If you could only see his laugh or smile, you would understand. My offer still stands. Please come to Skyhold.
I want to introduce you to the man I call vhenan.
Solas sat on the side of the bed and reached out to touch her hair, but then pulled his hand away, afraid he would wake her. "I'm so sorry," he began, knowing she didn't hear him but he needed to say the words, "for everything that I have ever done to hurt you. Your only mistake was to love me, but I was too blinded by my own stubbornness and stupidity to recognize it." He glanced at her lovely face, the golden branches of her vallaslin. "I love you, IIyana, more than you will ever know," he said quietly. "You are my heart, my home. You will always be my
vhenan."
IIyana was torn. He sounded so sad that she wanted to hug him. But a part of her screamed that he'll hurt her in the end. He turned to go and her heart launched violently. She reached for him, lacing her hands between his. "Don't go... please."
For a moment he didn't move and IIyana was afraid she'd made some grave mistake by reaching out, but then slowly he turned back towards the bed. Their eyes met for a moment and Solas could hardly breathe. "IIyana... I..."
"Stay," she said simply, though her eyes spoke volumes.
He released a heavy breath and stretched out beside her on the bed. Then he pulled her into his arms, her lips kissing the side of his neck.
"You smell like alcohol,” she mumbled against his skin.
"Eri."
Then she asked what her heart was afraid to hear. "Are you back?" She asked tearfully.
"Yes."
Lifting her hand, IIyana placed it lightly against his cheek as she glanced up. "Will you be here when I wake?"
"Yes - today, tomorrow, the next day. This I promise you." He brushed her tears away with his lips. "
Ar lath ma, m'yana
. Now and always."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
IIyana woke with the morning chill and for a horrid moment, she thought she'd only dreamed Solas had been with her last night. The place next to her was cold, empty, and he was gone. Tears burned as she rolled onto her back, her spirits plummeting – it had only been a dream. Then she saw him standing outside on the balcony.The doors were partially opened, revealing what would be a clear day, but in contrast with the bright weather, Solas' expression was somber, as if his thoughts were far away. Uneasily, IIyana wondered if he regretted coming to her last night... regretted making passionate love to her hours earlier.Wrapping the bed sheets around her naked form, IIyana walked across the Orlasian carpet, stopping next to him. " Oh dhea, " she whispered.So absorbed in his thoughts that he visibly started. But when he turned to see her tight smile, his expression softened. He reached out, took her arm, and gently wrapped his blanket over hers. "Oh dhea," he replied as he slipped his arms around her waist. "How are you feeling this morning?""When I awakened and you weren't there, I thought I had dreamt about you being with me last night.""I'm here, vhenan. And I am very real. But you should be resting.""I will rather be with you." His eyes brightened. He kissed her until she was breathless. But his expression turned solemn again. "I've been thinking...""I hate when you do that," she interrupted and smoothed the frown from his lip."You hate when I do what?""When you think about things that make you sad.""IIyana, I --""I love you, too, Solas."His heart ached. Feeling as though he would explode with love. "I was afraid," he admitted, "that I would never hear you say those words again." “I think it’s up to me to make that decision, what do you think?”"Yes," he agreed."Then I will forgive you for making assumptions." Solas smiled. He appreciated IIyana's gentleness and her attempts at trying to act as if things were perfectly normal between them now because of the night before. "I realized that upon my return, I have neither apologized for my inexcusable behavior, nor did I offer an explanation, and I need to do both."She sobered. Eyes lowered and silent. She was afraid to hear what he would say but she waited for him to begin."As you may have suspected, I blamed myself for my friend's death. She had reached out for help and I had failed to protect her.""But I heard what she said to you. You did all you could.""Yes, I know. But it didn't hurt any less," he replied. Then his voice went soft. "What I did to those mages - I had not lost myself like that since before I joined the Inquisition. And I was ashamed you were witness to such behavior. Cassandra said you believed I blamed you for Wisdom's death. Please know that I didn't leave because I hold you at fault. That burden was mine alone to bear. ""Why didn't you tell me where you were going?""Because I knew you would follow. I needed time to think. To process my grief and my shame. This was a journey I had to partake alone." "I understand. Where did you go?""I found a quiet spot and went to sleep. I visited the place in the Fade my friend used to be. It was empty. But there are stirrings of energy in the void. Someday, something new may grow there."IIyana nodded. "What happens when a spirit dies, Solas?""It isn't the same as mortals. The energy of spirits returns to the Fade. If the idea given the spirit form is strong, or if the memory is shaped after spirits, it may someday rise again.""So there's a chance that she might come back?""No, not really. A Spirit's natural state is peaceful semi-existence. It is rare to be able to reflect reality. Something similar may be formed one day. But it might have a different personality. It would likely not remember me.""I'm sorry," she said gently. "The next time you mourn, you don't have to do it alone""Thank you, Yana. I see that now.""What took you so long to return home.""I wandered the Fade for days until I found myself in ruins long lost to time. The spirit guarding the memory led me to an ancient Elven artifact – an eluvian."IIyana looked puzzled. "Keeper said the elves of Arlathan left no roads to travel between cities. Instead, they used magical mirrors to communicate and travel to far lands.""Your Keeper was correct. It was incredible. The possibility that such things once existed. We lost many such wonders when Arlathan fell.""You're telling me that you let a piece of glass lure you away from me?"Solas accepted her barb with a half smile. "I see your point.""I'm glad," her green eyes filled with tears as she gazed at him with a small smile. "I was really worried that something had happened to you.""I'm sorry that I made you worried." He placed a kiss on her forehead and pulled her closer. It had been such a long time since someone had cared for him that he'd forgotten how it felt for someone to worry about his overall well-being. It was humbling... overwhelming. IIyana's cheek pressed against his beating heart and she thanked the Gods that he was alive and whole. She was thanking Mythal for her blessings and for her bringing Solas home safe when she heard him say from above. "I apologize... for the things I said and did to you - with Cullen."She said slowly. "I can see why you would think --""It doesn't matter. I was wrong." Solas told her. "Before you, I've only known loneliness and pain, and it was unfair of me to assume you would treat me the same."“And betrayal?” She guessed with a smile. “It sounds like you’re speaking about a woman. What did she do to hurt you, Solas?”He groaned. Embarrassed.“It would explain why you’ve been incredibly possessive over the past weeks.” He winced. "Have I been so terrible?""Yes. Incredibly so.""I'm sorry.""Will you tell me about her one day?"Tightening his arms around her, as if he could absorb some of the pain he caused her, Solas whispered a quiet, “yes.”Satisfied, IIyana sought out to erase any doubt between them. "I'm not in love with Cullen, Solas. I love him, yes, but not in the same way I do you. He is very dreamy but he is not the sun. You are. I need you to understand that, and I need you to hear it."He cupped the sides of her face and made her look at him. "I love you."Her eyes filled with tears. "You hurt me.""I love you," he repeated in a harsh whisper. "I'm sorry I hurt you," he added. A single tear slid down her cheek. Solas wiped it away with his thumb."I'm sorry about the kiss, Solas. It will never happen again.""I believe you, IIyana. I was angry but not anymore.""What's changed your mind?""Eri showed me your letters."She gasped. "He had no right.""I am glad he did. It gave me the courage to come to you last night. I had hoped that we would eventually find our way back to one another, but I was also afraid I had ruined what little we had left.""You haven't," she promised. He looked at her, his eyes smoldering. "Oh IIyana," he said huskily, "love me. Love me as you did before." There was a moment of complete stillness. Then she tilted her face to kiss him slowly, tenderly and he put all his love, all his emotion into that caress."Make love to me, Solas." "Today. Tomorrow. Always." They stayed in bed for the rest of the day. Other than the occasional opening of the door to allow for food to be delivered, IIyana's room remained locked, warded, and undisturbed. It was an easy schedule – they ate, slept, made love, and loved some more until the sun descended to earth and disappeared behind the Frosty Mountain peaks.IIyana stretched lazily on the bed, her creamy body draped over Solas' chest as they awakened from their nap."Hmmmm," Solas said, nuzzling the side of her neck. "You need a hot meal, a relaxing bath, and a good night's sleep.""I need you," she tempted. She sat up. The blanket slipped past her waist; her naked breasts were hot against his skin as she leaned down to kiss him. "Hot. Hard. Inside me.""IIyana," he whispered when their lips parted. "Your body is sore --"She crushed her lips against his, her hand reaching to stroke his length, and his defenses crumbled. "This is what I need," she pleaded. She straddles his hips and positioned herself just above his aching cock. "Please. Don't deny me, Solas."He couldn't have found the words if he tried. His hands gripped her hips tightly, letting out a heavy moan as she slowly slid home. He cupped her breasts as she rode him, her hair a heavy mass against her beautiful back. She was a flaming goddess, conquering his heart and claiming his soul. When her body tightened around his flesh, Solas rolled her onto her back and plunged deeply. His thrusts were controlled, powerful, intentionally slow to heightened her arousal. She clutched to his body, arched and tight. Her moans were music to his ears; her withering body poetry to his soul. When her screams echoed around him, through him, Solas threw himself into the realm of exquisite release.She completed him – heart, body, and soul."I love you, m'yana." He kissed the side of her neck, trying to control his ragged breath."You drive me mad, Solas." "My reputation still precedes me?" She flushed."I'm pleased to have pleased you," he chuckled softly."Eh... it was more like a three today."Solas arched a brow. "A three? Out of what, may I ask?"She held up both hands in front of him as if to push him off her. He gave her a puzzling look, still waiting on her answer.She gave him a tight smile.Comprehension settled in. His jaw dropped. Shocked.She shrugged her shoulders. Avoiding his eyes."That was not a three," he demanded, "and you know it.""I don't know what to tell you," she innocently replied."IIyana.""Solas.""You lie.""Perhaps you've lost your touch?"He lunged for her as she scurried off the bed. Her laughter followed her into the washroom. After dinner, IIyana and Solas lounged inside the massive tub, relaxed, eyes closed. It was half an hour past eight but the two were exhausted from their day of rediscovering one other, or frolicking naked in the moonlight as Dorian would have called it. Twice she'd received notes from him asking if she were alive; twice she'd replied that she was taking one for the team in all the right places.Allowing the hot water to soothe her aching muscles, IIyana stretched her legs, laying them on Solas's thighs. She flushed as Solas gave her a lazy grin, and asked, what he was thinking."I was counting," he answered. "Oh.""Sixty-five.""I'm sorry?" she asked."Sixty-five blushes. That's how many I've counted since you joined me for dinner that first night." "And which one has been your favorite?"He trailed his hand in the water, creating inviting circles. "Other than the ones given in the midst of passion? Number thirty-five. The night you invited me to your bed.""Thinking with your dick, I see,” she teased.Solas laughed and she became breathless. It had been so long since they've been happy and she wanted to remember him this way – arms lazily draped along the rims of the wooden tub, head thrown back in laughter. He was magnificent."It was the moment you turned back to look at me when we reached your room," he explained. "You were nervous and when I asked if you were certain, you blushed. You took my breath away." He pulled her into my arms. "Suddenly, my future spread before me in an endless wave of wander - a thousand days and nights of being loved by you. My heart raced as I climbed the steps leading up to your room, and when I reached the landing I forced myself to face the truth.""And what did you find?""That I already belong to you. Whether you stayed or left, or whether we walked the same path or not. The world could be destroyed and I will still be yours, Yana. My heart had seen it from the beginning and it was that part of me that I chose to listen to."Overwhelmed with emotions, IIyana's couldn't think, couldn't find the words."In you, I see my heart, my purpose... my very soul," he continued. She had imagined his apology - his atonement - a million different ways. But never in her dreams did she imagined this. Nor could she have prepared herself for it. Tears glistened and before she knew it, IIyana broke, crying in earnest from happiness. He sipped her tears before taking her mouth in one long, lush kiss, pouring all his love into the caress, erasing all the hurt and doubt he'd created over the past month. "Say something... anything." "I can't," she said. Voice shaking. "I can't find the words.""I can help you. How about the ones you taught me – I love you. I love you, IIyana."She held his face in her hands and whispered harshly. "I love you. I love you. Gods, how I love you."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Squinting his eyes open, Solas was surprised to discover that it was already past morning. He had never known such sleep, so deep and restorative that it seemed he had never experienced real sleep before. He felt drunk when he awoke, drunk on peace, drowning with it. He'd always felt that way when he was with IIyana. He was at peace and in harmony in the world.He felt no overwhelming need to leap out of bed, and would gladly remain locked away for one more day, but it was time to return to their duties."IIyana," he said. He wasn't really calling out to her. He just wanted to say her name out loud. Quiet as he was, she met his gaze with a tender smile from where she sat beside her desk, catching up on the latest reports."Good morning." She was dressed for the day in a loose white tunic and brown breeches. Her damp hair loosely braided and piled atop of her head, and loose strands fell delicately along her face. Her smile was attentively warm that his heart clutched painfully – how blessed was he to be chosen by her to be loved. "How are you this morning?""I feel loved," Solas replied.Silence fell in the wake of his statement, and IIyana couldn't help but move to sit beside him. "Good," she said with a kiss.Her lips tasted like sunshine, and he deepened the kiss, needed to etch the feel of it into his memory. "IIyana -" He waited until she glanced at him. "Yesterday…" he forced himself to ask, "… when we walk through those doors, we'll return to our duties… are we – will we be alright?"Comprehending his concern, IIyana's expression softened. "Yes, we’re good," she reassured.He released a sigh of relief and pulled her back into bed with him. He needed to feel her. To know that she was real and that everything within the past two days was not a dream."But may I ask you to grant me two favors in return?""Anything," he agreed without hesitation."Really? Even if I ask for your heart on a golden platter?""My heart is already yours, m'yana."She pulled away to look at him. Her happy expression suddenly uncertain and Solas could feel the doubt spreading inside him. “Twice now you’ve accused me of some grievous misconduct. Both times with Cullen. In that case, I ask that if you have any doubts, you allow me to defend myself against any allegations before you find me guilty.” He winced, and she soothed his frown away. That's all she was asking? , Solas thought. She'd given him joy, hope, and love; in return, he'd only given her hurt, sadness, and pain. He wished she'd asked for more – a request to torture him, punishing him, even cast him out into the wilds until he learned his lesson. Yet here she was, glancing at him with all the love for him reflecting in her eyes, and he'd never felt so unworthy. He would have gladly bartered his soul if it means she'll forgive him. Humbled beyond measure, Solas stroked her cheek and said, "I give you my word never to do that again.""Thank you." She looked vastly pleased with herself and added, "now, for the second favor…"She was nervous. Lips pressed between her teeth. And she was drawing tiny circles around his naked chest. He clasped her hand to stop her movements. Whatever she had to say, he would hear it. "You don't have to be afraid."IIyana smiled. "I was thinking… that we should start over. Anew. As in, new beginnings.""New beginnings?""We need a fresh start, is what I mean. The past month has been tiring, for both of us, and I would like to move forward, knowing that we agreed to put it behind us. Once and for all."Solas considered her words for a moment before asking, "what do you propose we do?""I think we should… start by courting. We never had the opportunity, and I've always wanted to be romanced like the woman in one of Cassie's novels.""And what does courting you entail?""Flowers and frilly cakes?""And kisses?""Perhaps," she stated nervously. "I thought it might be best to… " she trailed off quietly and Solas had to strain to hear. He thought he heard incorrectly but sat up on the bed and asked her to repeat her request."I thought we should cease with physical intimacy for a month.""You mean sex," he clarified.She nodded. "I read in a book once that it can heighten one's emotional connection," she rambled. "And I think it will be good for both of us. Our relationship started with our attraction for one another, then it led to sex, and somewhere in between – we didn't really know one another and I – I don't even know much about you. And besides, you don't know much about me. I realized that while you were away and I --"He silenced her with a kiss. A lovely kiss that sent delicious butterflies down to the pit of her stomach. "Alright," he agreed."Really?""Yes," he said, kissing her again. "When should we begin?""I thought maybe we could start today.""Alright."She blinked. Unable to believe how accommodating he was. "Are you sure?""I am quite sure," he said huskily. His eyes turned intense. He pulled her against him."Solas?""Yes, IIyana…""I thought you just agreed…" She whispered against his lips."Forgive me," he said. "You were so lovely that I forgot myself." He released her and fell back against the pillows. IIyana went dry-mouthed as she watched him. She needed him. She needed to be held and touched, and he knew it. If she kissed him now, there would be no questions as to what would happen next."Solas… perhaps I – I was hasty… with my suggestion.""Oh," he asked, pretending not to have any idea what she was referring to just now. But by the Gods he did, because his gaze slowly traveled from her lips to her breasts where they lingered. She wanted him. She wanted him to hold and touch her, and he knew it.
Smug Bastard.
IIyana drew in an exasperated breath and crushed her mouth against his, anything to wipe that smug expression off his face. Solas kissed her eagerly, hungrily, and obligingly rolled her underneath him."This one time doesn't count," IIyana said after she broke the kiss."Hush," he whispered."Don't rub this in my face," she muttered, helping him pull off her clothes. "There's nothing more annoying than you being a complete ass."Solas bit back a grin. "You have my word, IIyana," he said."I'm only taking my clothes off so that you will feel comfortable since you are naked and such. But nothing is going to happen, do you understand me? You may kiss me, but nothing else." True to his word, Solas only kissed her. But it was the kind that sent flames straight through IIyana's body and left her entirely spent when he withdrew his lips from her sex. By the time Solas bathed and dressed, their morning meal had arrived, and IIyana was busy setting up two plates. An assortment of cured ram, eggs, bread, and cheese, along with two steaming cups of tea lined the edges of the desk."Are you hungry? Josie sent us a basket," IIyana said. "I can make you a plate…" Her voice faded as she glanced at Solas, who was clean and dressed and incredibly handsome.The dark circles had disappeared. The stress, lining his feature lately, gone. In fact, he appeared refreshed, lighter… happier. As if the weight of the world had been lifted for his shoulders. There was a brightness, a spark, in his eyes that she has never seen before. Most enthralling was the fact that Solas appeared not to be himself, and for a moment, IIyana thought if the man standing before her wasn't him. It seemed as though he'd been replaced by another Solas from a much earlier time before he became tainted by burdens and mistakes."If you keep staring at me like that, IIyana. I will have to break my promise to you.""I'm sorry," she blushed. She kept herself busy by setting up the desk into the table while he relaxed, the cup of tea warm in his hand. "What are you doing today?""You.""Solas.""Can't I fantasize about the woman I love?""Taking sex off the table won't work if you keep talking like that," she chided. "We both know that all you have to do is look at me and my knees go weak. I ask that you respect this process by not tempting me every moment you get."Solas placed his mug down and gave IIyana an apologetic smile. "Forgive me, IIyana. I know this is important to you, and I will behave going forward.""Thank you. Now eat."After consuming their meal, they cleaned up their dishes and placed it back in the basket. Lacing their hands together, Solas grabbed the basket and led them out of her room."May I ask you something?" He asked as they walked side by side."I'm an open book, Solas."“I did unforgivable things to you. Most people wouldn’t have given me a second chance, or third, especially after the way I treated you. What made you forgive me?”IIyana stopped as they reached the landing leading to the second set of stairs that will take them into the main hall. She considered his words carefully, deeply, and then she gave him a soft smile. "It was because you looked so sad and so alone,” she said. He gave her a puzzling stare. “The night in the garden. With Cullen,” she explained. I’ve never seen you look like that before - your guard was down and I saw the pain you tried it hide. It was very raw and very real. On the way home, I placed myself in your shoes and after analyzing it from both perspectives, I realized that there are things I could have done better to lessen the rift between us.”“I’m such an idiot. That was why you brought me tea.”She smiled. “Yes. I knew I loved you and I knew I wanted to be with you. But my pride would not allow me to apologize first. So I tried to get you to apologize to me instead,” she laughed. “But then we argued and things got worse. Eventually, I realized that I needed to forgive myself and you, if I wanted to be with you. Ah, forgive me, I’m rambling. I have no idea if that makes sense. “It does, IIyana. It really does because I feel the same. But your forgiveness is given too easily.” He needed to earn her forgiveness, not let it be freely given to him as she has her heart. He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve any of it.“But it’s not yours to give. I am choosing to forgive you,” she said tenderly. “You once asked if I had ever wanted something so desperately, so badly, but that I was afraid to reach for it?" Solas remembered the words spoken from his heart the night he joined IIyana for dinner. He had taken a risk and laid his heart bared to her that night."I stand by my words, IIyana.""I know," she smiled. "I didn't give you an answer that night. But if you were to ask me the same question today -- my answer would still be the same. I choose you, Solas. I forgave you because I had a choice to make. I can choose to live with courage and forgive you - risk being hurt again because I trust you. Or, I can choose to live in comfort - to run away from my problems as I have always done without facing it. I choose courage, Solas. I choose you.” She kissed him then. A soft, loving kiss that promised him forever. "You give me the courage to be myself, Solas. And with that comes the fear that there is no guarantee you won’t hurt me again, or I you. But I believe that as long as we can show up for one another - even when it hurts – we can get through anything together."There was a moment of complete silence before IIyana was crushed against Solas' chest. He kissed her with all the love, passion, hope, happiness, and joy that he had for her.
IIyana was his heart. His soul. His purpose.
And to hell with their duties, because for the first time in his long time, Solas knew what it felt like to be loved.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The Maker had come to collect her soul. She was sure of it. Or, in the least, a desire demon had manifested itself to tempt her with a hero straight out of Swords and Shields.
Seated across from him in the nearly empty Tavern, Cassandra didn't know whether to be aggravated or fascinated. He'd only been here a day, and while the rumors of his charming nature had spread like wildfire, she'd not set eyes on him until this afternoon. From the stories IIyana had told, Cassandra had imagined him tall, slim, with a cheeky grin. One who lived a carefree life of decadence, misbehavior, and excess.
The harsh lines of his face were carved from hours in the sun, made more intense by the ghastly scar that splintered half his face. But there was a beauty about him, made softer by the white, unruly hair piled atop with delicate tendrils teasing his neck. His broad shoulders, crystal golden eyes, and honeyed-skin made him an exotic creature.
And one more appealing to look at that she was willing to admit.
Cassandra lowered her gaze from the profile of the man who'd captured her attention from the moment she sat down and met the delicious wicked gaze of Eri Lavellan.
Sitting near him, she became increasingly aware of the raw sexuality emanating from him. She imagined women following him to his bedchamber without uttering a single word. She could smell a hint of elf-root and liquor as if it was his permanent smell. It was intoxicating, and she wanted to pull him closer, to absorb his scent.
You are ridiculous. You're a grown woman. You have no time for childish --
Cassandra's thoughts were interrupted by the barmaid who, in the process of refilling Eri's drink, so happened to brush her breasts against his forearms. Arms, Cassandra imagined, that can easily lift her and slam her on the table for a good --. She shook her head. It was unlike her to think such thoughts.
"Care to share what's on your mind?" Eri asked, dismissing the barmaid with a suggestive smile.
Annoyed with her reaction to him, Cassandra frowned. It was none of his business what she was thinking, and so she ignored him.
"Suit yourself. But if you change your mind, I am a great listener."
"I'm sure you are," she mumbled underneath her breath.
"Feisty. I like that in a woman."
Cassandra slammed her fork down. "I am not one of your women."
"I didn't say you were."
She narrowed her eyes at him.
He smiled. "If you keep frowning like that, you'll look like a newborn baby nug."
"You are annoying."
He chuckled softly. "Don't get me wrong; I love baby nugs. They are adorable."
They ate in silence until he asked, "what were you thinking about just now? You looked like you wanted to murder someone."
I wanted to run my sword through that barmaid. "It was nothing," Cassandra said.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Are you always so --"
"I beg your pardon?" Cassandra interrupted.
" …tightly wound," Eri finished.
"I am not prone to aggression."
He had the audacity to wave his hand at her as though she were speaking nonsense; her words dismissed with no more than a thought one might give a hysterical woman. His careless attitude only sparked her annoyance.
"Tell me, what do you do for fun?"
Cassandra scoffed at his tone.
Fun? There was no time for fun and games. They were at war for Maker's sake. What in the hell did he think she did all day? Lounge around eating cookies while the rest of the world falls to shit?
"Nothing, I see," he added with a smile. "You need some time to relax... Cass."
"My name is Cassandra."
"I like Cass, better. There's a harshness to the name, and yet it's lovely and delicate at the same time. Just like you."
Her curt reply died in her throat. No one has ever said anything this lovely to her before. It was charming and just the thing the hero would say to seduce his love interest. Cassandra began to feel self-conscious and suddenly, the way she sat, held her fork, even chewing mattered.
"I can teach you to discover new ways to manage your stress..." Eri suggested with a grin. "Perhaps you'll join me for a swim later?" His voice had turned into a powerful caress, stirring her to imagine his hands on her body -- Cassandra shook her head to clear herself of the heated images.
Why was he teasing her in the middle of the day, in the middle of their meal, while they were in the middle of a damn war? Who did he think she was? Some wench he could invite into his bed? She was Cassandra Pentaghat - Seeker, Hero of Orlais, Right Hand of the Divine. Oh, the man was infuriating.
Without a thought, Cassandra reached for her cup and threw its contents at his face. "You will do well not to confuse me with the barmaids you take to bed," she said acidly.
Eri presented him with a slow, calculating smile that caused her stomach to plummet clear down to her toes as he wiped the liquid from his face and neck. "The Seeker has spunk. Who'd have thought?"
Cassandra wanted to run her fist into his beautiful, sculpted face with the full lips that invited her to indulge in sin. She was saved from providing a response when the tavern door opened and IIyana and Solas walked in. She turned back to glare at Eri who, by now, had thrown his head back in laughter.
Disgusted, Cassandra pushed away from her seat. "Your friend is a nuisance," she said to IIyana in passing, ignoring Eri's cheerful good-bye from behind her.
No, the people of Skyhold were wrong - Eri was not charming and flirty with a carefree attitude. He was everything dangerous, forbidden, and sinful, and to her utter shame, Cassandra wanted a piece of it.
She was only too happy to leave the tavern so that she may focus on more pressing matters, such as saving the damn world from a graced lunatic.
"What did you do to Cassandra?" IIyana asked, wrapping her arms around Eri in a tight hug.
"I'm teaching her to relax," he replied, his gaze following Cassandra's tush as she headed out the door. Turning his gaze back to IIyana, he gave her a cheeky grin. "You look... like you weren't thoroughly fu--"
"Eri!" IIyana chided, slapping him on the arm. Poor Solas stood behind her, flushed.
"What! I'm only looking out for you," Eri replied.
"I believe I did quite well," Solas added to a smiling IIyana. She loved when he was playful.
"I find that hard to believe," Eri countered.
"Believe it." IIyana insisted.
"Hard to believe when you are still standing, IIya."
She gasped. "It's not all about a rough tumble in the woods. Love making can be gentle and soft, too." When it looked as though Eri was still not convinced that she'd spent a day lost in the throes of passion, IIyana thought of the only explanation that will shut down all arguments.
"Remember our visit to the red-light district near Kirkwall?" She asked.
Eri's eyes widened.
"Yes," IIyana confirmed. "That one."
"Not the night with the Qunari twins and Sauri with the creepy fingers..." Eri groaned painfully.
The memory still fresh in their minds, IIyana shook with laughter as Eri shuddered in horror. As for Solas, he hadn't a clue as to what the two were talking about nor the context of the conversation, but it was apparent that some things were better left unsaid. Putting himself to use, Solas gestured for three cups of mead as he patiently waited for one of them to include him in the story.
"All I have to say is this," Eri looked at Solas. "If you ever end up in Kirkwall, don't trust the female dwarf with the purple hair. She'll sell you lies, and before you know it, you'll wake up with a massive headache and your pants stolen from your bum."
"Solas hasn't heard this story yet. You can't forget how you met the Qunaris --"
"No. Nope. Nada. Ain't going to talk about it," Eri grumbled.
"Well," IIyana said to Solas. "What he didn't say was that his male ego was left in shreds because --"
"Because I convinced the Qunari twins that I can impale them Elgar'nan's wrath. Only --"
"The twins had massive hands and while they were -- you know -- one squeezed too hard and..."
Eri interrupted. "It's working just fine now, in case you were curious. If you heard otherwise, it's not true." Eri declared loudly enough for the barmaid who'd served him earlier to blush. He accepted his cup, took a drink, before asking Solas what he knew about Qunaris and their lovemaking.
Solas didn't get a chance to respond as Eri and IIyana began bantering again, and so he focused on his drink.
"Oh my gods, Solas. You should have seen Eri on our way back home. Crying like a girl --"
"I was in pain!" Eri barked. "And yes, I get why you brought this up. She wanted to tell me that she broke your dick, Solas."
Solas choked on his mead.
IIyana smirked. "Not only broke it. Tamed the heck out of it, too." By now, Solas was coughing, but neither were paying him any attention.
"That's my girl. I am proud to call you friend, IIyaa." After giving IIyana a high-five, Eri slammed his palm against Solas, nearly knocking him over. "My heart goes out to you, old man. I'll make sure to send you some cream for your aches and pains."
"I assure you that I am fine," Solas finally managed.
"We don't have to pretend here," Eri whispered. Taking pity on Solas, Eri decided that he should at least try to preserve what little was left of the man's dignity. Stating loudly, Eri said. "Damnit, IIya. I heard about the situation downstairs. How in the hell do you fit that thing in your mouth?"
"Eh - I choke every time."
"IIyana!" Solas hissed. He gave her an arrested stare communicating that he preferred their bedroom activities to remain private. But Eri didn't care because he crackled loudly, "didn't take you for a shy one, Solas."
"Enough," Solas demanded.
Both Eri and IIyana's mouths snapped shut. Neither looked at Solas, but he was sure they were both trying to contain their laughter, as he suspiciously heard what he thought was a muffled giggle. Looking at the two, one would never have imagined they were separable as children; whereas IIyana was fair and bright like a glowing star; Eri was dark and thunderous like a storm cloud. But their love was apparent in the way they bantered with one another.
In an attempt to get IIyana to behave, Eri jammed his elbow into her side, which in turn, rewarded him with a punch to his upper thigh. Eri yelped and pulled IIyana's hair, and like little children, their banter began all over again.
Flabbergasted, Solas watched as each grabbed plates off the tables and began flinging it at one another. Leftover vegetables landed on Eri's shirt while a glob of mashed potatoes smacked straight into IIyana's cheek.
"You're such a little shit, Eri!" IIyana roared. She was getting ready to cast a spell when Eri sprinted to hide behind Solas. "Coward," IIyana added when it became apparent Eri planned to use Solas as a protective shield.
"All's fair in love and war, IIyaa."
"Solas, if you don't move, I will have to hurt you to get to him."
"You wouldn't want to hurt your
Vhenan
, would you?" Eri asked. His hands grasped Solas' forearms, maneuvering him in front of IIyana.
"Of course not," she hissed. "But you deserve a thrashing."
"But IIyaa, I thought you loved me?"
"I do, but you're still a little shit."
Releasing a heavy sigh, Eri said, "language, IIyaa! Where did you learn how to curse like a lady-pirate? It's rude."
IIyana shrieked and lunged at Eri who shoved Solas towards her. In return, Solas caught her in his arms and pulled her away as she thrashed and fought her way towards her Eri.
Annoyed to no avail, Solas roared so loudly that his voice silenced the entire room. "I said enough!"
Stunned that her lover dared to even raise his voice in front of company, IIyana could only stare. But her shock was quickly diminished as Eri stood at attention and said, "Yes,
Hahren.
"
And as much as IIyana loved Solas, she couldn't help but erupt into laughter. Her infectious joy soon spread to Eri and then chiseled away at Solas' aggravation.
"You two are incorrigible," Solas said.
"Forgive me," IIyana said to Solas. "That was horrible of me." She tilted her face to let him wipe off the potatoes before pressing her lips against his.
"Don't mind me; I'll just stand here collecting dust while you two go at it," Eri said from behind.
IIyana smiled at him and threw herself into his arms, giving him a dozen kisses until he was squirming away like a child. "Welcome to Skyhold, Eri." She said. Then she remembered why she'd come to find him, and her expression turned serious. Here were the two people who meant the entire world to her all under one roof. Her throat suddenly dries, heart racing as if she'd been running a marathon. She'd never done this before - introducing someone she loved to a family member. She didn't know what to do, and there were no rules to tell her otherwise.
What if she did it wrong? What if it was a disaster?
She wondered what Eri thought of Solas and whether he would come to appreciate the things about him as she did. She worried that he'd find Solas too serious, too logical, one who wouldn't be able to kick back and relax, which wasn't altogether true. Most importantly, she wondered if Eri would find Solas a suitable choice for her. Eri knew her best - he knew all her secrets, her doubts and fears, and her shame. His approval of Solas mattered much to her, and she hopes that he would see all the good things Solas brings out in her.
And then there was Solas.
What if he thought Eri was a bad influence on her? Would he look down on his perfectly formed nose at her best friend and shun him as he's done the Dalish in the past?
Or will he be welcoming, warm, and gentle - the way he was with her.
Oh my gods! What if they become sworn enemies?
Or worse? Drinking buddies?
What if Eri tries to sleep with Solas? What if Solas likes it?
Eri glanced over at Solas. "She's spiraling."
"Isn't she always?" Solas agreed. He knew this was important to her, and he could tell she was nervous. He brushed his thumb against her hand. He wanted to show her that whatever happens, they are in this together. He soothed her until she finally found her courage.
"Eri," IIyana said, "you are my heart, my family, and I am so happy that you are here ..." Tears pricked at her lashes, making it difficult to continue.
"C'mon, IIyaa," Eri teased. "You can do this."
"I'm trying, you Dalish prick."
"You've become snappy."
"It's Dorian's fault," Solas explained.
"Ah... the Tevinter. He's a little saucy."
Solas smirked. "And flashy."
Eri crackled with laughter. "Oh, I like you, you Old-Bat. Tell me, are you any good at Diamond Back?"
Solas gave him a knowing grin. "I invented the game."
"Excuse me; I was in the middle of --"
"Yes, yes," Eri said, interrupting IIyana. "Now, introduce me to your
Vhenan
so that he and I can go do manly things."
"As I was saying... Eri, I would like to introduce you to Solas."
"Finally! I thought it was going to take another seven days before you introduced me." Eri said. "A pleasure to meet you, old man. Thank you for loving my IIyaa."
Solas had expected a handshake or a grasping of one's forearms as men often do, but he hadn't expected the hug. He also didn't expect to be tightly held as he was twirled around in a massive, tight, embrace. The wet kiss on his cheek didn't hurt either.
"The pleasure is mine," Solas replied. IIyana had been the first to accept him. Then her friends learned to embrace him. Now, her family had welcomed him. He was speechless, humbled, and he didn't know how to show his appreciation. He thought back to what Wisdom had said, that IIyana will show him the way home. He'd been afraid then, but he was surprised to find that he was looking forward to wherever the road may lead. It was because she was his heart, and in return, she carried his heart.
Wherever she goes, he goes.
Overwhelmed with gratitude, the only thing he could think of was to return the hug.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Only a woman with craved from stone could have withstood the campaign Solas launched the following week. One minute he provoked her into a nonsensical and highly entertaining argument, and in the next moment, he was soothing and kind. He surprised her with flowers in the middle of the day just because he thought of her. Magic butterflies found their way into the war room when she stayed too late. And sometimes, she'll discover surprising love notes hidden in unsuspecting places, each line entailing the depths of his love. Apart from Solas fulfilling all of IIyana's romantic fantasies, what he didn't try to do was kiss or seduce her.At first, IIyana was amused by his obvious tactics, then secretly miffed, and finally, intrigued. Solas was such a sexual creature that when he suggested sleeping in his room for the month, she found it almost comical."Don't be ridiculous, Solas. When I made that suggestion, I didn't plan on not having you stay with me."He rewarded her with one of his boyish grins. "It's for the best," he insisted."But -- but that's stupid," she tried to counter.Solas chuckled softly. It warmed his heart that she, too, was having a difficult time. "It's only for a month." Realizing she wasn't going to be able to change his mind, she swallowed her disappointment. Soon, she found herself staring at his lips, remembering their last kiss and fantasizing about when he'll kiss her again.But perhaps IIyana's favorite moments were when the world caught up to them, and Solas stole her away for a private moment. In the warmth of his arms, she found strength and comfort. And she knew he did, too, because he would draw away to look at her for wordless moments as if he were trying to convey in words what she meant to him. On rare occasions, he found the words. "I'm so happy," he would whisper against the braids of her hair. He would say something else, but the words would be too soft for her to hear. And yet, IIyana never pressed him for she never doubted that he too, was trying to navigate this new beginning with her.By the same token, Solas found that IIyana's ability to love knew no bounds. Never once did she withhold her affection or use the power she wielded over him as punishment for his past transgressions. She continued to love him unconditionally, teaching him to forgive himself and to cleanse his guilt with her magical love. A love she also shared with the people of Skyhold. He discovered by chance that every seventh day, IIyana and Sera woke before dawn to bake cookies for the children of skyhold. A habit she'd acquired during their brief separation.Another unexpected discovery came one afternoon when a huge commotion in the main hall had him leaving the comforts of the rotunda to investigate. IIyana held a basket in one hand and a series of wooden rods in the other and was skidding across the hall after Eri when she spotted him.She immediately stopped in her tracks and gave him one of the brightest smiles he'd ever seen, and he immediately went weak in the knees. "Solas," she greeted. "Inquisitor," he replied. He thought it best to place his hands behind his back, for fear that he would pull her into his arms for a slow and lustful kiss. "What adventure awaits you and Eri this time?"A faint smile tugged at her lips as if she'd been reading his mind. "We're going fishing.""You fish?" "Of course, I fish. I do it all the time."Puzzled with his new discovery, Solas asked. "Since when?""Since I was babe," she teased. "How do you not know this about me? I'm also very good at climbing trees."Before he could offer a reply, Eri stuck his head back in the hall and bellowed for her to hurry. "I'm coming!" she yelled. Her face softened when she turned back to him. "I'll see you later? Usual time and place? "I'll take care of all the arrangements." His puzzled frowned now replaced by a curious grin. "Do you have any other remarkable skills I should know about?"“I'm rather good," she whispered shyly with all the love in the universe shining in her eyes, "at loving you." And just like her, Solas' heart fluttered out the door. The Hinterlands was crowded with merchants and townsfolks as everyone wrapped up their purchases in preparation for the winter. In a month, it'll be Satinalia and along with it, a week's worth of celebrations with friends and family. Having already dropped off additional supplies for the families at the Crossroads, IIyana, Eri, Blackwall, and Dorian made their way to Redcliffe Village. IIyana needed a new staff and wanted to speak with the Dalish merchant, who owned the little shop that reminded her of home. Once inside, IIyana glanced over at the table of staves and metal and thought of the Solas. He'd been using the same weapon since they left Haven and she quickly made note of having the merchant craft her a new one. After completing her errands, she met up with them for a drink at the Inn they were staying for the night. "You know, Solas wasn't what I expected," Eri admitted after shuffling a deck of cards, cutting it twice. A smoke dangling from the edge of his lips. "I bet you were expecting a cold-hearted elitist prick with a holier-than-thou attitude," IIyana replied half-heartedly. Concentrating, she eyed her cards before stating that she was sent a shitty hand. "It's your fault, really," Eri stated, taking her cards and replenishing them with fresh ones. "Your letters didn't paint him in the best light." "He's still an elitist prick," Dorian interjected, placing two cards down. "The other day, I commented on that little flare he sometimes does with his staff – redirecting ambient energy to his personal aura. Told him it was a Tevinter technique. Know what your elven lover told me? Said it's not Tevinter, it's elven. ‘But do go on about the wonders of Tevinter magic,’ he said.” "Elitist prick or not, the man plays one hell of a game of Diamond Back," Blackwall added. "Claimed he didn't know how to play, and after I taught him the game, he turned around and beat me. Lost everything. Had to turn around and walk back to my rooms buck-naked." Dorian dropped his cards on the table. "I didn't take Solas for a gambling man." Not one to miss out in an opportunity, IIyana gave Dorian a cheeky grin. "But he did! He gambled his heart —""Ah - don't say it, IIyaa." "Please don't embarrass yourself," Dorian said at the same time. "-- and won in the game of love," she finished. Her words echoed around the table as the three men turned to look at her, their expressions a mixture of embarrassment and comical dismay."What? What? That was a good one," she insisted. "That... was absolutely dreadful," Dorian concluded "Someone, please put it on the record that whatever came out of her mouth was not my doing. At least not this time." It was well past midnight when the group arrived back at Skyhold the following day. IIyana was disappointed to learn that everyone had gone to bed, including Solas, and she headed off to her room alone. After taking a bath, she sat at her desk, brushing her hair, but her eyes kept shifting to her bed. She missed having Solas next to her, and she wondered if he missed her, too.Glancing at the time, she figured it was well past three. She shouldn't bother him, and besides, he's probably asleep by now. But the more she glanced at the bed, the more intense the urge to run to him became. Before her courage could desert her, IIyana placed the brush down and made her way across the room. Her heart pounding with every step.Solas was very much awake and staring out the window, thinking of IIyana. The peaks of the Frostback Mountains were made softer by the purple night sky and pearl glow of the moon. It was a beautiful night, as beautiful as the magical love she'd brought into his life.His bedroom door clicked open, and before he turned, he knew who'd come into his room. He should tell her to leave, insist upon it actually. Instead, he stayed where he was, praying he had the resistance to not push her upon his bed and devour her like a starving man. He was conscious of his body swelling and thickening, of his skin burning hot against his clothes. His breath became shallow, and he strove to control it."I couldn't sleep," she said softly. "You shouldn't be here, IIyana."His voice was strained, but she didn't miss the heat laced with each word. Silently IIyana stood watching from the doorway, an ache of loving gathering in her chest until it became too painful. Then she came to him."I've missed you terribly," she whispered. He felt the touch of her fingers against his shirt, the warmth of her breath as she reached up on her toes. Her lips mere inches from his. Solas was stiff with arousal. He swallowed inaudibly, trying to control his beating heart, trying desperately to think of other things – anything – but the woman standing too close to him. The touch of her tongue along his ear had him nearly groaning."You need to leave, IIyana." He pleaded. "Now.""But why?" She reached for him, and his hand came up and closed around her wrist in an unconscious brutal grip."Because I made a promise," he said thickly. "I can't have you in bed, IIyana, and not have you. I'm only a man.""It doesn't matter. I don't care about that promise anymore.""It matters to me," he said. He let go of her hand and caught her face between his palm. "There is nothing I want more than to make love to you. But I want to show you that I’m serious. About you. About us."Defeated and with a little guilt for pressuring him, her green eyes gleamed with emotion. "I love you," IIyana whispered. She paused when she felt a tremor in his powerful hands. "I love you, so very much."He buried his mouth in her throat. "I love you, too." His arms wrapped around her in a loving embrace, both enjoying the feel of each other's bodies after days apart. From somewhere in Skyhold, the time chimed to signal the turning of the hour. With a heavy heart, IIyana murmured against his shirt. "I should go."To her surprise, Solas shook his head and tightened his hold. "Stay. Just for a while.""Alright.""But may I suggest somewhere more interesting than here?" "What do you have in mind?"Within seconds, IIyana found herself at the Winter Palace, adorned in the same rose silk dress she'd worn to the ball. Overhead, crystal chandeliers glittered and gleamed, and music drifted slowly from every corner of the room. From where she stood at the bottom of the staircase leading up to the second floor, she could see moonlight illuminated through the opened balcony door. Somehow IIyana knew Solas would be waiting for her there. She placed her hand on the railing and ascended the steps. When she reached the entrance of the French doors, Solas turned to greet her with a smile. With heart leaping with every step, IIyana crossed the balcony to where he stood.“Why here?” She asked. "Because that night should have ended differently.”“But we talked about that already.”He gave her a devilish grin and took a step back, bowing as if she’d always been his Queen. “Dance with me, m'yana," he asked, extending his hand. "Before the band stops playing." Somewhere in the depths of those knowing blue eyes smiling at her, IIyana saw another spark of something she'd hadn't seen before. Something deep and profound and silent. It held her captive and sang to her soul. A promise of something she wasn't ready to say out loud; yet, courageously accepted."I'll love to," she said.There was no time to react at all, because his arm was already sliding around her waist, drawing her forward, then whirling her across the balcony. As the music came to an end, Solas’ hand reached up to her face, his thumb brushing her cheek. Then his lips descended to hers in a slow, lingering, lush kiss. It was the perfect ending to the perfect night.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Cullen was having a difficult time concentrating on his duties. He was agitated. The tension in his muscles tightened, and he felt as though his entire body was stretched too thin. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to be anywhere, but here.
He'd hope his stress was sleep-related. In the following weeks since the Winter Palace, Cullen had awakened more than once from night terrors. Each dream sent him spiraling into a darkened abyss, and he'd often jolted awake, covered in sweat from what he'd experienced. Apart from this, Empress Celene had also gifted the Inquisition with half her army. And with recruits comes new drills and grueling training schedules that often ended with him soaking his muscles at the end of the day. But lack of sleep and a tight schedule were not to blame for his distress.
It was becoming more evident that it was because of her. Thoughts of IIyana and the kiss he'd given her at the Winter Palace kept intruding. They came in waves - the garden. The way she'd glanced up at him. He remembered other things too. The way she felt in his arms. Her arm upon his. His lips brushing hers. Then...
"Commander, you're choking Connor," Blackwell said. He came up behind Cullen and placed a hand on his shoulder.
Disgusted with himself, Cullen shoved the recruit to the ground. Connor took several deep, gulping breaths, then strengthened up again.
"You almost killed a man," Cullen said, his voice harsh. "If I hadn't knocked the staff out of your hand, Blackwall would be dead. I will not tolerate stupidity."
Conner stammered. "Commander... I'm sorry. I was careless..."
Cullen silenced him by raising his hand. "I don't want to hear your excuses. You're excused."
Blackwall waited until Conner took his leave before saying. "Ease up on the kid. He's young. Still needs to learn."
"If he can't control his magic, then he's a danger to us all. Which makes him a liability in the field."
"Not all mages are dangerous," Blackwell reminded. "Send the boy to Solas. If anyone can help, it'll be him."
At the mention of the mage's name, Cullen's jaw tightened. "If you disagree with how I do things here, Blackwall, then you give the order," he snapped. Grabbing his shield and sword, Cullen stormed out of the training arena, ignoring Iron Bull and the Chargers as they greeted him.
"What's his problem?" Iron Bull asked
"Beats me. But if I have to guess – it involves a woman." Blackwall answered.
Iron Bull shook his head. "It always involves a woman."
Still baffled by Cullen's irrational behavior, Blackwall shared his observations with Josephine. Both were surprised at Cullen's attitude as he's usually a fair person. Unable to determine the sudden change in his behavior, Josephine confided in Leiliana, who sought counsel with Cassandra. The Seeker, remembering her agreement with Cullen, volunteered herself and was making her way to his office when she ran straight into Eri.
He greeted her with a charming smile.
"Get out of my way," she hissed.
"Are you always this cheerful?"
She pushed passed him into the rotunda and stormed across the room out through the door leading to the battlements. Eri released a heartfelt sigh. His hand laid upon his heart.
"Be still, my beating heart," he said poetically, if not dramatically, as he watched her retreating back.
Sitting in the middle of the rotunda over a scattered desk of books and papers, Solas scoffed, having witnessed the exchange between Eri and Cassandra, and closed the book he'd been leisurely reading.
"What?" Eri grinned, as one would do when they've been caught red-handed. "I didn't do anything."
"The Seeker is many things," Solas said dryly, "but she is not one to be trifled with."
"Is your concern more for the Seeker or how IIyaa will feel about my pursuing her friend?"
"Both," Solas replied without hesitation.
Eri snorted with laughter. "I like you, Solas, even this whole overprotective Hahren-vibe you have going on. It's kinda hot."
"You're ridiculous," Solas mumbled underneath his breath.
Eri regarded him with a slight smile as he reached into his pocket for a smoke. He made his way across the room to the murals along the back wall, and studied each frame intently, now and then angling his head, when his eye caught a scene that reminded him of Skyhold.
"I can see why IIyaa loves this place. The people are warm and welcoming and treat you like family," Eri stated. "I'm glad to know she's found her place in this shit storm of a world."
"She's done much for the Inquisition. It's only natural for the people to love her in return."
Eri shook his head in disagreement. "I'm not talking about transactional love. There is a difference when you are loved because you belong to someone or something. I am pleased to find that she's found both as Inquisitor."
"You came to Skyhold because you were worried about her?"
Eri snorted. "Wouldn't you? An elven woman in the hands of the
shemlens
who blamed her for the death of their beloved Divine? She was safe as long as she could prevent the Breach from spreading across Thedas. Otherwise, there's no telling what they would have done..."
Remembering the story Eri had told him about IIyana, Solas said softly. "The Inquisition isn't like that."
"I know that now," Eri replied. "I should have trusted that she would have landed on her own two feet eventually. She always does, you know. But she's not the only reason why I came to Skyhold."
Getting a sense that Eri was speaking in riddles, Solas gave him a questioning stare. Whatever he had to say, Solas would hear it. Taking this as his cue to tell the mage what was in his mind, Eri continued.
"What are your intentions with IIyaa? When this is all over, what do you plan to do?"
Surprised at his question, Solas was left speechless. In truth, he hadn't considered what he or they would do once Corypheus was defeated.
"Do you plan to leave her in the end?" Eri asked.
"I believe that is a private matter, best discussed between IIyana and myself," Solas managed to say.
"I'm not pushing for an answer. Only curious. There's no doubt you make her happy, and if the stories are true, you will do whatever it takes to protect her from this Corypheus. But you've also hurt her, " Eri said. A flicker of anguish pain danced across his features. "And that is something I can't ignore. You don't get a free pass from me just because she's forgiven you."
"We’ve moved past common courtesy. If you have something to say, I am happy to hear it."
"Good," Eri said and moved to stand in front of Solas. "Hear me well, mage. If you hurt IIyaa again, if she so much as shed another tear for you, nothing on this earth – or in the Fade – will stop me from hunting you down and killing you."
IIyana fought back a yawn as she made her way to the archives in search of anything she could find on the Knight Enchanters. Shortly after the Winter Palace, Josie had acquired three trainers, each with their unique specialization. It was her way of making amends for the part she played for not being transparent with IIyana at the Winter Palace. She made it to the door when a voice called from behind.
"We need to talk," Cassandra said, and the two women entered the archives. The room was empty except for a desk and chair and the bookcases that touched from floor to ceiling. "Have you spoken with Cullen?"
"Not since yesterday after he briefed me on Samson and the source of red lyrium," IIyana answered. "Is something wrong?"
"I don't know, but was something off about him when you met? Did you notice anything different? Was he sweating or shivering? Agitated perhaps?"
"Cassie, if you're alluding that Cullen is using lyrium again, you're wrong. He's determined not to rely on the substance while he is Commander of the Inquisition, and I believe him.”
"Well, something is going on with him," Cassandra said, slamming her fist into the wall. IIyana had seen Cassie do this often when she was puzzled at whatever was in front of her. "Cullen has asked that I recommend a replacement for him."
Taken aback, IIyana shook her head. "But why - why would he ask for that?"
"It doesn't matter. I refused his request," Cassandra stated. "Besides, letting him go now would destroy him. Cullen has come so far."
"Why couldn't he come to me?"
"We had an agreement. Long before you joined us, as a Seeker, I can evaluate the dangers. Templars are bound to the order, mind, and soul, with someone always holding their lyrium leash. Cullen has a chance to break free from the chains that have controlled him. But I don't believe it's lyrium related." Cassandra said with a knowing glance. "You two were close, but things have not been the same since Halamshiral."
"Is that what he said?"
"No. He was not interested in what I had to say," Cassie explained. "I know not what transpired at the Winter Palace, but I know that if anyone could get through to him, it would be you."
IIyana grimaced. "I think I'm the last person he would want to speak with right now."
"That's never stopped you before." Cassandra encouraged. "Talk to him; make him understand. And if he still wants to leave, then I will grant his request."
After Cassandra had gone, IIyana found herself wandering the battlements. Cassandra was right; things have changed between herself and Cullen since their return to Skyhold. She barely saw him anymore, only in glimpses, and when she did find herself in his company, their conversation was short and always regarding the Inquisition. In part, she was partly to blame as she'd also been awkward around him. She came to the end of the walkway and pressed her cheek against the wall, sighing heavily. She wondered if Cullen's resignation had anything to do with her choosing Solas.
"If you stay out here too long, you'll turn into an icicle," Solas said from behind her. Although his face was warm, she didn't miss the concern lining his eyes.
She gave him a lopsided smile. "That's something I would say."
"I'm learning to do things differently," he admitted.
He pulled her into his arms and together they stared out into the vast openness of the Frostback Mountains, his magic providing warmth. They remain silent for a long time.
"Is something the matter,
vhenan?"
Solas finally asked. His face brushed hers in a soothing motion. "Your heart is here, but your mind is thousands of miles away.”
IIyana felt an unexpected lurch of dread. "I - I think I'll be okay," she quickly blurted.
Sensing her hesitation, Solas tilted her chin. "There is nothing you can't share with me. I'm sure whatever it is, we'll figure it out together."
She was afraid to tell him anything, especially when it involved Cullen. And although she knew she should tell Solas, IIyana wasn't entirely sure if she wanted to spoil the beauty of their reconciliation by reopening old wounds. However, she also didn't like this urge to keep things from him either, simply because she was afraid of how he would react. Taking a moment to gather her thoughts, IIyana told him about the conversation she had with Cassandra, along with her suspicions of why Cullen was resigning.
"I don't want him to leave, Solas," she admitted. "He means a lot to me, and I'm terrified for telling you how I feel because I don't want you to think that I feel — that I don't .. we've worked so hard to get here and I..." her words trailed off.
Brushing kisses along her temple, he soothed her with loving words. "I trust you, IIyana, and I don't doubt your love for me." He gave her a reassuring smile to show that he was genuine. "Perhaps you should speak with Cullen."
"That's what Cassandra suggested, but I don't know what to say."
"Tell him the truth."
"It would only hurt him."
"The man has feelings for you, IIyana, and I don't blame him," Solas said quietly. "But if you try to hide from it, try to pretend it doesn't exist, it'll only hurt you both. It will always be there, lurking, and it'll come back to haunt both of you at odd times. When it does, it will come between us, and that is a chance I rather not take."
"How did you get so wise?" She said with a soft smile.
"If I were wise," he said dryly, "this separation between us would have never happened. But I've had time to reflect on my past transgressions, and I feel that the only way for all of us to move forward is to talk about it openly and honestly. Speak with him. I know you will find a way to help him understand."
IIyana nearly fell to her knees with gratitude. She loved how patient and understanding and supportive he's become. Although she'd been afraid to tell him earlier, IIyana was glad to have trusted the process.
Staring into his loving eyes, she said softly. "I would very much like to kiss you now," echoing his exact words from long ago.
Solas smiled at the memory. Who would have thought that a simple dinner would have led him to this?
He didn't have time to complete this thought because IIyana's lips pressed against his in the sweetest, most loving of ways.
She slid her hands around his neck, pulling him in for a soft kiss that left them both breathless, with little tingles that traveled from the tips of their toes. What started out as a flutter of kisses soon turned into an alluring, penetrating kiss. Solas pressed her onto the wall and kissed her one way, then another, each deeper and deeper until he was taking her deeply, claiming her in some way. He shifted a little and she felt his hand curved around to cup her breast, his fingers stroke her nipple until it hardened.
IIyana moaned and clung to him, her hands sliding down his chest. Liquid heat slid into her stomach and she knew they had to stop but her mind felt foggy, his drug-infused kisses made her senses reel.
She was so hot, wet, and...
"Ouch!" she yelped as an electric shock stung her hand. She pushed away, flapping her fingers to lessen the pain.
"Yana, I'm so -- I'm sorry." Solas reached for her immediately, lacing her hand with his. He grimaced. Seconds later, cold magic hummed between their fingers. "I had meant to shock myself."
"Oh - I didn't realize you were into that."
Solas flushed. "That wasn't the reason. Things were getting a little --"
"Too hot for you,” she finished.
He crackled with laughter. "You have a one-track mind when it comes to me, yana."
"I can't help it -- I find you sexy." Solas flushed again. "I think that's my favorite blush, yet," she added.
Once the pain in her hand lessened, he brought their laced fingers to his lips.
"Stay with me tonight," she whispered softly. "I promise to behave."
He kissed the corner of her mouth, then brushed her lips again. "Alright," he replied.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It was still early when IIyana woke the next morning. The only light in the chamber came from the hearth, and the candles placed at the ends of the desk that housed Solas' personal belongings. He sat in silence, charcoal in hand, his attention on paper as he sketched into the leather bound book.
She watched, fascinated at the image he presented. His brow creased in concentration, his hand moving with grace, and now and then, he angled his head slightly as he transitioned whatever he envisioned unto paper. He was a master at his craft, and it suddenly dawned on her that she'd never seen him sketch. She wondered now if he drew in the mornings right before he woke her with hot kisses and slid into the warmth of her aching body.
He was a handsome man. The soft-ambient lighting caressed his porcelain skin, giving him a god-like elegance that appealed to all of her feminine qualities. She tried to imagine what he'd look like with hair but thought that notion was ridiculous. She loved him just as he was. She loved his intelligence, his wit, his attempts to be more flexible with his thinking.
Satisfied with his piece, Solas placed the charcoal down, leaned back in his seat and stretched. He reached for a cloth to clean his hands before glancing back towards the bed. Their gaze connected and her heart stopped. His expression was unguarded, and she went breathless, having been given a rare glimpse at the man he used to be before experience had weathered and hardened him.
IIyana's heart pounded excitedly as he made his way towards the bed. Leaning down, Solas brushed his lips across her forehead, letting them linger just a moment before drawing away. "Good morning," he said with an apologetic smile. "Did I wake you?"
She shook her head. "I just woke up."
He smiled and crawled into bed beside her, pulling her against his body. They sprawled on the mattress, limbs entangled, and arms wrapped around one another possessively. He brushed his lips against hers and sighed in contentment.
She savored the sweet sound against her skin, her heart filled with a deep sense of love and connection.
The heat of his body was becoming distracting, and she toyed with his wolf necklace to remain focused. Suddenly possessed with the need to know more about him, she asked. "Do you draw often?"
"Every day. When most people are still asleep."
"How did I not know this about you?"
"My passionate lovemaking often leaves you too exhausted," he said with a grin.
"You arrogant bastard," she teased. Loving how easy it was for him to make her smile these days. She gave him a quick kiss. "What were you drawing?"
He seemed surprised by the question. He looked faintly... embarrassed, and she wondered if her curiosity had spoiled the moment between them.
"My emotions," he finally said. "It helps me make better sense of them when I sketch them out."
"Oh – similar to a journal."
"In a manner of speaking. Things are easier for me in the Fade, but when I don't wish to linger, I find that I express myself better through sketching. It's something I've done since I was a child. It was a gift I acquired from my mother."
IIyana was surprised Solas had brought up his mother. Like her, he never talked about his family, and she wondered if perhaps this new beginning was giving them a chance to be more transparent with one another.
"Tell me about your mother," she asked.
Solas smiled at the memory of the woman who taught him how to be a better man. "Her name was Ghilana," he said, "and she was the ideal mother. Loving and kind when she needed to be and mildly punishing when I was out of line."
She gave him a speculative stare. "I can't imagine you breaking any rules."
"We're all impulsive when young," he replied. "I was disciplined daily. I'm serious," he said when she raised a challenging brow. "I was a horrid and oppositional child. But thankfully, my mother had enough patience and love. Eventually, I came around."
"What else did little Solas do that got him in trouble?"
"I spoke with my fist, held boxing matches, gambled, and smoked a lot of elf-root. But those are stories for another day. What else would you like to know?"
"How about your father?"
"I have little memories of him as he passed when I was young. My mother did the best she could to provide me with both a mother and father."
"I think she did a great job."
He smiled sweetly. "I think she would have liked you, yana."
IIyana blushed. The meaning of his words hung in the air between them, and they stared at one another awkwardly, wondering what the other was thinking.
"How about you?" Solas managed to ask. "Tell me about your parents."
IIyana bit her lips in concentration, trying to conjure an image of her parents. "My father's name was Elwen, and my mother, Arianna. They loved each other very much. He was an avid hunter, and she had a gift for baking. But other than that, I don't remember what they look like. Sometimes I have memories of them, but I don't remember their faces."
"Would you like to?" Solas asked softly at her sadden expression. He couldn't erase her past, but he could help her find some peace. "The Fade holds memories, too. If you like, we can visit your memories when you were younger. See your parents."
She pounded his request for a moment before shaking her head. "Thank you, but no... I would like to remember them as I do now. What little memories I have of them is sweet, and I want to keep it that way. But I appreciate you trying to help."
Solas tilted her chin so that she may look up at him. Brushing little strands of hair away from her face, he asked why speaking of her Clan makes her sad.
"Because I don't have fond memories of them," she confessed. "Eri told you what happened. You can't survive that night and be a whole person afterward."
Solas agreed. Had it happened earlier, he would have personally seen to it that her Clan was held responsible. "Would you like to talk about it?" He asked.
"No."
"It might make you feel better," he said, echoing words she would often use when anyone was distressed.
"It's hard to talk about," she admitted.
"How about you share what's on your mind now and the rest will follow? It may be today or tomorrow. But if I've learned anything from you, it's that we have to talk about what scares us. It's the only way we'll be free."
Several emotions flickered across her features. IIyana knew he spoke the truth, but she was also afraid of what he'll think about her afterward. She sighed. She didn't want their new beginning to be tainted with shadows and secrecy. Their new beginning required one to be true and have faith. It required complete vulnerability and bracing the storm together, especially if the outcome led to the unknown.
"I was the reason why Eri left," IIyana finally whispered. "After what happened with Eldrid, Eri came to me and said he wanted to leave the Clan. When I didn't agree to go with him, he left without me. He chose to cast himself out as a Lavallen."
Solas tilted her face so that she would see the truth in his eyes. "What happened to you, and what Eri chose to do afterward, isn't your fault."
"I know, I tell myself that every day, but sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I purposely blame myself as not to forget, because I found out later Deshanna had asked him to leave. She made it seem as if I was used goods because of Eldrid. She said I shouldn't have gone off with him alone, and that the only way the Clan would have accepted me again was if Eri left."
She began drawing soft circles in his shirt. "It sucks, you know? You spend your entire life pleasing others — giving, caring, serving— and it's still not enough," she said angrily. "The Clan took something from me. Little pieces over time that I hadn't realized. I wasn't what they wanted, and so I became that person for them. One day I woke up and I was all dolled up to be First, the next, I was torturing Eri out of fear. I lost myself that day. I lost myself for a long time. And now that I've found me again, I promised never to let fear dictate me again."
Solas laced his fingers with hers and held them to his heart. "You are the most courageous and brave woman I know," Solas said. "Thank you for trusting me with this."
"You think I'm brave?"
"I think you're many things, IIyana," Solas admitted softly.
She blushed, a rosy pink that spread to the tips of her toes. Unable to resist, Solas' lips brushed hers in a cleansing kiss.
"While we're on the subject of sharing," IIyana said after she caught her breath, "may I ask you something?"
"Anything."
"Tell me about her," IIyana asked. "The woman who hurt you."
"Anything," Solas replied with a solemn and apologetic smile, "but that."
"Why?"
"It happened a long time ago. She doesn't mean anything to me anymore. You are what matters now."
IIyana touched his cheek. "But she's still here, between us. She may not mean anything anymore, but her memory still haunts you. I think whatever she's done has affected how you trust others." At his reluctant expression, she added. "You said yourself that if we don't talk about it, it'll come back to haunt us later."
Solas stiffened and tried to hide his dark expression. But she wouldn't let him. "I once told you that your past would never change the way I feel about you," IIyana reminded. "I stand by my words."
Her promise, as well as her softness, made him wary.
In truth, Solas had planned to tell her... eventually. He just didn't expect it to be today. He didn't want to ruin the progress they've made. He didn't want to taint their newly acquired happiness. But in all fairness, he owed her the truth after she'd been so open with him about her past.
"Alright," he replied dryly. "But not here."
With a flick of his wrist, they were in the Fade. The scenery was one of an open, grassy field upon a bright and sunny day. Miles of lush green hills went as far as the eye could see. If IIyana closed her eyes and listened, she could almost hear the birds chirping, the rustling of the wind.
Solas laced his hands with hers, and together they walked across the field until they reached the edge, which opened up to the vastness of the land. She patiently waited for him to gather his thoughts, knowing now that whatever he was about to share was more difficult than she could have ever imagined.
"I don't know where to start," he admitted.
"Start at the beginning," she said patiently, going into his arms. She felt him nod. Then his voice seeped into her skin as he began his story.
"Fayelin was the first woman I loved," Solas said. "She was my first lover, the first to share my life with. And because she had my complete faith and trust, it nearly destroyed me."
IIyana didn't respond as she watched the emotion play out on Solas' face. She didn't like the idea of him having loved someone else, but there was no doubt that he no longer held tender feelings for her. It was evident that whatever Fayelin did, her memory was like a slow poison that flowed through his bloodstream. A poison IIyana was determined to purge from his system.
"Do you remember the story I told you about my scars?" Solas asked. "After my friend was murdered, those responsible became corrupted. Drunk with power, they enslaved our people - branding them, torturing them, using them as sport for entertainment."
IIyana grimaced. "Who would do such a thing?"
"Mages. Powerful elven mages," Solas responded with disgust. "I couldn't stand by while the innocent were murdered because they were powerless against those who targeted them. I sought revenge. In a year, I had accrued a group of loyal men and women who aligned themselves to my cause, and together, we began to dismantle these corrupted individuals."
"Were these men slavers?"
"No. They're worse," Solas replied. "One night, I was attacked by assassins and left for dead and would have perished had it not been for Fayelin, who found me and brought me to her home. The trauma to my body had affected not only my magic but my mobility, as well. I was bedridden for weeks. I was angry. Ashamed. My body was broken, and I didn't believe I would walk again. I directed my anger at her, but she only responded with kindness. Fayelin continued to look after me until one day, she suggested that I try to walk. I was furious, of course. I was paralyzed - how could she give me false hope? This went on for a month until one day, I was leaning against her, attempting my first step."
"With her patience and love, I learned to believe in myself again. I healed," Solas continued. “I no longer desired a life of revenge. I was content and ready to give all that up when my men found me and informed me of what had transpired. Fayelin begged me not to go, but I had a duty to my people. The only way to reassure her was if I took her with me. It wasn't the safest place for her to be, but I was blinded by my love and desire to keep her by my side.
"After reuniting with my team, Fayelin quickly won the hearts of my men. She worked tirelessly to heal our wounded and became one of my most trusted advisors. When unrest came from the south, several men and I went to investigate. While we were gone, our headquarters was attacked. It was a bloodbath. The remaining survivors told me that Fayelin had been the one to allow the attackers inside and that she had gone with them willingly. I went berserk. I refused to believe them. My heart told me that she couldn't have possibly betrayed me, even when logic nagged at my consciousness that she could. Desperate to get her back, I went after them and led my men straight into an ambush. It was only after did I learn the truth."
IIyana's brows drew together. "And what was that?"
"Fayelin was a spy and had been planted by my enemies from the beginning. Her mission was to gain my trust, acquired information, and report back whatever she could about our plans. My attack by the assassins was designed for her to rescue me. When I confronted Fayelin, she laughed. The charade was constructed to teach me a lesson by my enemies who felt I had become too prideful. She told me she'd had gone as far as to sire my child to keep up appearances."
"That cold-hearted bitch," IIyana hissed. "Where is she now?"
"She passed. Betrayed by the same hands who trained her. But her death does little to erase my foolishness. One day I will atone for that sin."
"You don't believe that you've atoned for it already? With all the good that you've done with the Inquisition?"
"Nothing I do will ever bring those men back," he said simply. "I learned a valuable lesson that day, IIyana. I allowed my heart to discount what I knew to be true, and I promised myself that I would never allow blind faith to guide my steps again."
IIyana frowned and slid her hand across his chest, bringing herself closer to him. He sounded so... cold, deadly. Not at all like the mage she'd grown to love and care for. Then a thought dawned on her. She wondered if he'd felt blinded by her and whether his experience with Fayelin had triggered his past behavior. For the first time, IIyana wondered if there was a part of Solas that had been so damaged that she wouldn't be able to heal him.
"Solas?"
"Yes."
IIyana rose on her tip-toes to stare at him. It all of a sudden became vital that she shared what was on her mind. "I'm not Fayelin,
vhenan.
I need you to understand that. I would never betray you."
"I know."
"And yet..."
"You scare me," he rasped desperately. "I love you. I love you more than Fayelin, more than I could ever imagine loving someone, and that terrifies me.”
"Why does it have to be terrifying?" she soothed, her eyes searching his. "Why can't it just be something new?"
"Because it is something new," he said. He held her face in his hands, and she could feel him tremble with emotion. "What we have is something I've never experienced before. You make me want things I haven't thought of in a long time. When I first joined the Inquisition, my sole purpose was to close the breach and then leave. Alone. But lately, I find that I want something else. I give myself freely to you, Yana, and in doing so, I also give you a lot of power over me. Our relationship is not what scares me, it's what you can do with my heart that frightens me."
When they awakened, Solas had expected IIyana to reject his confession and leave him. Instead, a lump of emotion swelled in his chest as she pressed closer to him, her lips brushing his eyes, cheeks, then finally, his lips.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
IIyana stood outside Cullen's door, hand raised to knock. The conversation she'd had with Cassandra played over and over again in her mind, as she counted how many breaths she'll need before finally announcing her arrival. How much did Cullen's decision have to do with her? How much was influenced by what had happened at the Winter Palace? Her thoughts jumped in no particular order to the memories of the event, and she cursed.Fuck, she should had sought him out sooner. It was true that they'd had limited contact since Solas' return. IIyana wasn't sure if it was intentional on both of their parts, but what little contact they had was days centered around the War Table. The last time she had a private moment with Cullen was when he apologized for kissing her. She shouldn't have relied so heavily on him for support. Solas' departure had opened old wounds, triggered insecurities she's long buried, leaving her feeling worthless and not enough. Then like a fabled Knight, Cullen had charged in to rescue her from her spiraling madness. It had felt so right in the moment, and a mistake in the long run. Pressing her hand against the solid, wooden frame, IIyana was about to knock when she heard Cullen growled from behind the door. Was he hurt? Bull had reported that Cullen had left the training field in a foul mood after he took several hard hits to the side. Concern, she pressed her ear against the door and heard him cursed out loud, followed by books being thrown and glass shattering, as if he'd swept everything off his desk in frustration. Without hesitation, IIyana opened the door and rushed in. "Cullen - is something wrong. Are you all – shit!" IIyana ducked, barely missing the box that exploded against the wall to her right. ”Maker’s breath!" Cullen cursed, having caught sight of her. "I didn't hear you enter!"He was hunched over his desk, his breath shallow as if he were in pain. Books, papers, and glass scattered across the floor, and it looked as though he'd slammed his fist into the side of his bookcase several times. He held his hand tightly across his chest as if he had fractured bone."Cullen," IIyana said, concern lacing her features as she walked towards him. "What happened?" Her soothing voice and apparent concern did little to relieve his distress. Cullen raised his hand, stopping IIyanna in her tracks. "I'm fine, Inquisitor," he said. "Now please leave. You don't have --" he didn't finish, having stumbled onto his desk. "No, you're obviously in pain," she stammered. Reaching for his arm, she barely had a moment to think before she was flung away, landing hard against the bookshelves. It took a moment for her to catch her breath. Surprised at what just happened, IIyana gave Cullen a confused look. That's when her attention fell on the broken box with its glass shattered along the floor near the entrance. Fresh traces of lyrium lined its sharp edges, seeping into the floor below. Glancing in the same direction, Cullen shook his head in disgust. "I didn't - if that's what you're thinking," he snapped. "I didn't assume anything," she defended. She hadn't meant to be harsh but his tone hurt. Cullen's speech was usually a mixture of light-heartedness and humor. Today, it was laced with resentment and contempt and targeted at the person responsible. "Are you going to be alright?" She asked. "Yes..." he answered, then just as quickly. "I don't know."Releasing a heavy sigh, Cullen angrily swept his hand through his hair. He shouldn't have kept the lyrium case, he should have known it would tempt him when he felt agitated. But he just needed to calm down, to relax. He hadn't been sleeping well... at least that was what he'd told himself a million times as he nearly injected himself with the substance. "You asked me what happened at Ferelden's Circle," he stated, as if trapped in the horror all over again. "I was taken over by abominations. The Templars – my friends – were slaughtered while I was imprisoned and tortured. They tried to break my mind, and I... How can you be the same person after that?" Cullen moaned in agony. "Still, I wanted to there. They sent me to Kirkwall, instead, and for what? I trusted my Knight-Commander and watched as her fear of mages ended in madness. Innocent people died in the streets. Can't you see why I want nothing to do with that life?" "Of course, I can. I --" "Don't," Cullen hissed angrily. "You should be questioning what I've done. What I was about to do right before you walked through that door. I thought this would be better... that I would regain some control over my life. But these thoughts won't leave me... you won't leave me." Cullen paced angrily, rambling. "How many lives depend on our success? I swore myself to this cause... I will not give less to the Inquisition than the Chantry. I should be taking it! I should be taking it!" Cullen slammed his fist into the wall twice before IIyana was able to pull him away in a fit of fury. His skin was on fire, and he was sweating profusely. His heart hammered quickly underneath her hand, and she could feel his rapid breathing. She recognized that look - it was of one of someone who had been trapped by their nightmares. "Cullen - Cullen, I need you to breathe. Look at me, alright? I need you to focus on my voice and breathe. We'll do it together, alright? Just breathe. Take a deep breath, yes – great, just like that. I have you. I'm here for you. Now hold for three seconds and exhale for five seconds. Let's do this a couple more times, okay?" After a few minutes of repeating the same mantra, Cullen's breathing finally returned to normal. IIyana sighed with relief. "Thank you, Inquisitor," he whispered, a mixture of shame and embarrassment. "I never meant for this to interfere." "How often do you experience withdrawals?" "It's an hourly battle." IIyana frowned. "How come you never told me?" "You have enough to worry about – I didn't want to add one more thing," he explained, drawing away from her arms. He moved to stand beside his desk. Anything to get away from her. "The worst has passed – thank you, but I would like to be alone." "No." He eyed her, unable to believe what he heard. "I said no. You are not okay, and I'm not leaving you.""Damnit, IIyana. Can't you see I'm hanging by a thread here?" He hissed. "Why can't you let me be?" "Because you would do the same for me." "And what did that get me?" Cullen said angrily. "It turned me into a fucking fool." His words hung between them like a sharp knife, ready to strike one dead. What the hell was wrong with him? Since their return from the Winter Palace, he'd gone out of his way to avoid her. The pain of her rejection had become unbearable. Every moment spent with her tormented him. Cullen wanted to pound his fist, cry out in rage, and he could do nothing but direct his anger at his work. He'd never held a woman responsible for his anger, so why would he demand that of her? "Forgive me, IIyana," he said, "I spoke out of turn." Accepting his apology, IIyana gave him a reassuring smile, although she reserved none for herself. A range of emotions flickered across her features before she finally asked the question that had been plaguing her since last night. "Am I the reason for your resignation?" Cullen's hands clamped on his desk with splintering pressure. "If that is the case," she continued. "I apologize for whatever hurt I've caused. But please don't leave because of me and Solas."Cullen looked at her with a mixture of anguish, shame, and regret. But he remained silent. She was nearly out the door when she heard him whisper from behind. "I've given Cassandra my list of suitable replacements this morning and will wrap up my duties in a month. I am hoping for a smooth transition." In need of a distraction, the rest of the week found IIyana & Co. scouting the Western Approach and Fallow Mire for wisp essence and lazurite. After reading the history of the Knight Enchanters, IIyana had become fascinated by the idea of her being able to summon a sword from thin air and engaging in melee attacks. To her surprise, Solas had spoken favorably of her decision and shared that the Knight Enchanter technique descends from ancient elven mages called Arcane Warriors. "The formal name for the techniques you will learn is called the Dirth'end Enasaline - Knowledge that led to victory." Solas explained as they made their way back to camp. “Mages who eschewed physical confrontation called it Ghilan'him Banel'vhen, the path that leads astray." "What can you tell me about the arcane warriors?" "They were elite guardsmen, serving as bodyguards or champions for nobles, as I understand. Mages who focused on the spirits of the Fade might sneer at their physicality, but never doubted their honor. They were the living embodiment of will made manifest, mind shaping the body into the perfect weapon." "I hope they would be proud to see another of our people practice their techniques," she added, giving Blackwall a nod as they passed. "I hope so, as well. So much knowledge has been lost," Solas said softly. "Perhaps having something they created carried forward, even in such a different form, will gratify them." It was decided then. She will complete the required training to become a Knight Enchanter. Vivienne would be delighted, while Dorian will most likely throw a fuss as he'd already planned out her training in raising the dead. Out of curiosity, IIyana asked Solas if he was disappointed that she hadn't chosen the way of the Rift Mage instead. "On the contrary," Solas insisted. Although he would have enjoyed the countless hours of training her to wield the power of the Fade, he was proud that she'd chosen a speciality based on her own unique interest."I believe you will make a magnificent Knight Enchanter." She gave him a cheeky smile, embarrassed at how pleased his words had made her feel. Despite the guilt she'd felt since her encounter with Cullen, Solas had the remarkable ability to soothe away all her distress and remind her that she wasn't powerless in this situation after all. Later that evening, IIyana and Eri stole away for a private moment. Having found the highest tree, the two helped one another as they climbed its ancient limb. It was a familiar ritual, something they'd done often as children, either to share their deepest secrets or escape when they'd earned the err of the Clan. "Does Solas know you smoke?" Eri asked as he pulled a pouch from his jacket. Taking out a piece of paper, he created a small boat, stuffed it with dried elf-root, and rolled it over. "We haven't gotten around to it yet." "What else doesn't he know about you?" He asked in between sealing the smoke and lighting it up, taking several deep puffs before handing it over.Drawing deeply and enjoying the natural richness of earth as it teased her senses, IIyana lazily replied. "Many things but nothing of substance."They continued talking, their conversation touching on trivial nonsense to serious subjects, all the while, enjoying their euphoric high. As the night wore thin, Eri leaned back against the rough tree, glancing down at IIyana, who lounged lazily, her body relaxed as if she hadn't a care in the world. A small lump of emotion filled him as he studied her after years apart. She'd bloomed into a beautiful woman, yet she was still the little girl he'd always known. She still spiraled, over-worry, and made impulsive decisions when her emotions were high. Thinking about the past often brought up memories of Deshanna, and Eri was suddenly filled with a deep sense of melancholy. "IIyaa..." Eri whispered. "Hmmmm...?" "Have you spoken to Deshanna?" He asked.IIyana gave him a small encouraging smile. "I've received a couple of letters. She asked about you, you know? The last couple of years. She is remorseful and wants you to come home." Bile rose in his throat, suffocating him, and he closed his eyes. Eri remembered when Deshanna had come to him that night, pleading for him to leave so that IIyana may have a chance at living a peaceful life. He remembered wanting to yell, to punch something, and demand why she hadn't given him the same opportunity. Finally, Eri spoke, his voice rough with emotion, as if the words were being gouged out of him. "Did Deshanna say that, or is that your opinion?" The answer was so obviously important to Eri that tears welled behind IIyana's eyes. Reaching out, she took his hand in both of hers. "It's my opinion. But you should know that she hasn't been the same since you left. I believe she wants to see you." "I’m not sure I can go back.”"Maybe not today. But one day." Before heading back to camp, the two went for a midnight swim. Afterward, she made sure Eri had enough blankets to keep him warm then wrapped him in a deep and loving hug, kissing him a thousand times on the cheeks before sending him off to bed. By the time she crawled in next to Solas, she was exhausted. "I'm so tired," she moaned as she collapsed into his waiting arms. He'd been reading and had placed his book down, using his fingers to brush through her hair. Each stroke sent her deeper and deeper into a state of relaxation. "By the Gods, if you stop, I will surely have to kill you." She moaned in pleasure.He smiled down at her. "You're so handsome, Solas. You make my heart flutter... just like the wind underneath the wings of a dove." Solas laughed. “You're cheerfully poetic today." "It's called ‘singing your praises.’”They sat in silence with him brushing her hair, she enjoying the feel of him. Then as if pure instinct, their lips found one another as he bent his head and kissed her. Her hands came out, flattening against his chest as his tongue explored her mouth. She tasted sweet, a hint of honey from the tea she had earlier this evening and a natural richness he couldn't decipher, and yet, something that he knew was familiar. The longer he continued kissing her, the more intense the flavor became. It took seconds before he realized what it was. Solas drew away slowly, noticing for the first time her glazed expression and flushed cheeks. “Are you... are you high?" He stammered. IIyana burst into a fit of giggles, trying desperately to smother her laughter. When she was unsuccessful, she hid her face in his chest. "Oh, my Gods - I thought I was in the clear." She mumbled against his shirt. "It's all Eri's fault. I swear."He arched his brow. "Please tell me you haven't been smoking the entire time he's been here." "No... wait," she paused as if to shuffle through her list of memories. "No, only this once." "What other particular habits do you possess?" "Oh, Solas, you beautiful, amazing, creature hand-crafted from the hands of the Gods," she said, patting his cheeks. "You are my favorite habit of them all."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Winter set in full force, bringing chilly winds and icy rain to the front steps of Skyhold. Though the weather was inclement, Solas saw little of IIyana over the next couple of days. While she was locked away in the war room with her advisors, the rest of the inner circle was scattered across the castle, engaging in various activities. Sitting at his desk, surrounded by books and blank parchment paper, Solas felt restless and out of sorts, though he didn't quite know why.
Everything in his life was running smoothly. His research into the Fade continued to prove resourceful in their fight against Corypheus. His relationships with the inner circle had improved since his return. And his relationship with IIyana was stronger than ever.
He continued to love her more and more each day, but as of late, Solas had become more melancholic. As though a part of him was missing, yet he didn't know what to look for to fill in the empty space.
Self-consciously, he leaned back in his chair and rubbed the back of his neck, staring at the rafters above. He was glad the room was empty and thankful not to have Dorian annoying him at the moment. Although, he did appreciate the friendship that'd developed between the two men since Eri’s arrival.
Solas suspected that with all the time IIyana spent with Eri, Dorian was feeling neglected.
His thoughts trailed back to IIyana. He was pleased with the progress they've made and wondered if his mysterious restlessness came from the fact that he was rarely sated these days. He wanted more than stolen kisses and touches in the dark, no matter how incredible they were. He wanted to sleep with her, to wake up next to her in the morning. He'd fallen in love with the innocent, young woman who provoked him endlessly at Haven, but the wildly passionate and sensual creature he'd come to know was even more appealing.
All it took was one welcoming glance, one soft, seductive smile, and he was hers to command.
It infuriated him.
And terrified him.
He would gladly do it all over again if it meant she would love him for eternity.
In need of a better company than his personal thoughts, Solas pushed aside his work and headed down into the archives in search of something to read. He'd read a couple of Varric's Hightown books and wondered if the latest edition had arrived. As he made his way across the hall, he spotted Lady Josephine and Leiliana at the front entrance. He hoped to see IIyana, yet with only three days left, he wasn't sure if he could stop this time if he were tempted.
Walking quietly down the hall towards the archives, he was just about to reach the room when voices inside caught his attention - Cassandra's high-pitched with frustration, IIyana's calmer, more soothing.
"This is ridiculous. I am not granting his request." Cassandra stated.
"Please, Cassie. Hear him out," IIyana pleased. "I care about Cullen as much as you do. I am the last person who wishes to see him go. But he's asked and I --"
"No - Maybe he will agree to a couple of days off instead. He's been distracted and irritable lately. Even I have noticed it. And have you see our recruits, they are overworked and exhausted."
"I understand. Which is exactly why we need to consider Cullen's request."
"Have you spoken to him?"
There was a moment of silence, followed by IIyana's hesitant reply. "Cassie... it's complicated."
"If you don't tell me, I will torture Dorian until he confesses what he knows."
"Alright!" IIyana shrieked. "Cullen kissed me at the Winter Palace."
"Does Solas know?"
"Of course - he found us, along with Josie." IIyana sighed. "Cullen is upset with me because I made a fool of him. And I did - I knew he was infatuated with me, and I encouraged it by seeking him out. I know it was wrong... but I was sad and lonely. I'd even imagined myself with him, and now I don't know how I feel. Please don't look at me that way, Cassie. I love Cullen - I would never intentionally go out of my way to hurt him."
Having heard enough, Solas shoved the door open and stepped inside. He froze at the sight of IIyana, who leaned against the side table, her face flushed with emotion, eyes wet with tears. Cassandra spotted him and shifted uncomfortably while IIyana cursed herself a thousand times a fool.
"Pardon my interruption, Seeker, Inquisitor," Solas said, staring straight at IIyana. "I'll only be a moment."
The silence intensified as Solas walked to one of the bookcases and pulled several books from its shelf. When he returned, his face was wiped clean of all emotion. And all IIyana could do was stand there, stricken at what she admitted to Cassandra while having just stated to Solas, her love for another man.
"Hightown, volume eight. Is that the latest edition?" Cassandra asked.
Solas nodded, his gaze directed at IIyana. "Inquisitor... shall I escort you back to the main hall?"
He stretched out his hand, and she felt a tremble in the pit of her stomach. "Solas, I..." but it seemed as though she had no voice.
"Inquisitor," he repeated. "I prefer to hear what you have to say in private."
"Please - it's not what you think. Let me explain."
"IIyana, come with me now." He repeated.
Sensing a storm brewing and feeling empathetic for her friend, Cassandra gave IIyana a small, if not encouraging, smile. "Go with him. I will check on you later."
IIyana lowered her head. She was alarmed when she realized Solas had lost patience with her and was coming across the room. She was very aware that he was furious with her as his fingers bit into her hand. He yanked her forward, and they exited the room together. When they arrived at the main hall, he didn't break stride as he continued towards the rotunda.
"You have to let me explain, Solas. I -"
"Don't talk. I don't want to hear it now."
Varric saw the two pass in a blur and released a slow whistle. He gave her a sympathetic smile. They passed Dorian, whose eyes widened with shock, then Eri.
"Stay out of this," Solas snarled before Eri could open his mouth.
They made their way up the stairs and into the hallway leading to his chamber. All the while, he said nothing while her anxiety exploded into a spiral of chaos. She wanted to shriek, to scream, to avoid the confrontation that will inevitably happen as soon they arrived at their destination. She wished she could clarify what he'd heard - to tell him that she no longer felt the same for Cullen.
But she can also feel herself being pulled apart by anger - at him - for throwing judgments at her. Again. No, she will not stand accused and let him get away with it without an explanation.
She walked ahead of him, pushing the door open, striding to stand before the fire, and then turning to challenge him.
"How dare you accuse me, Solas. How dare you not give me a chance to explain. I will not let you call me a whore again."
Solas came into the room, closing the door and locking it with a deafening click. He leaned against the door, his gaze narrowed, jaw clenched tightly.
"Are you listening to me!" She cried.
Crossing his arms over his chest, Solas said calmly, "Perhaps my memory is faulty. I don't recall calling you any derogatory names.
"You didn't have to - it was implied."
"Don't put words in my mouth, Yana," he said dryly. "If you feel guilty for what transpired downstairs, then so be it. But don't use it as an excuse to vilify me."
She exhaled, furious. She was a mixture of feeling angry and anxious. ”I’m not trying to start a fight with you. Cullen is a friend, and I'm worried about him."
"Yes, because you love him, ” he stated plainly. ”Although no more than me, of course, as you have previously stated. If your affections have changed, now is the time to come clean, IIyana."
"It's still the truth! Nothing’s changed between us."
"Until today - when Cullen made it clear he was leaving. You said you didn't know what you were feeling or did I hear incorrectly?" Solas asked calmly. "If I hadn't returned, would you have chosen him as your mate? Perhaps between the both of us, you're regretting your decision and now believe him to be the better man. Maybe I should have stayed away." He knew instantly he shouldn't have said that - the comment had meant to be sarcastic, but his delivery had been direct and cold-hearted.
Her face went red, her brows drawn in a scowl. "What a horrible thing to say! If I didn't think you were worthy of me, I wouldn't be with you. Why would you say such an awful thing?"
He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry - I misspoke and the language I used was in poor taste - what the hell, IIyana!"
She'd thrown a cushion at him. Then a book, and another and another. She was so incensed, she couldn't think. Reaching for the plant she'd given him at the beginning of their relationship, she barely heard his growl before he lunged for her, pinning her body underneath his on the bed.
She screeched, struggling to free herself. ”Get off me!”
"Not until you clarify a few things." He stated heatedly, pinning both of her hands above her head. "Now tell me, would you have chosen Cullen as your mate?
That fueled IIyana's outrage until she wasn't sure whether she might cry or slap him. Blast him, he was going to drive her insane. How did he not know by now that he was all she ever wanted?
"Answer me, IIyana."
"No," she angrily replied. "Because you won't believe me anyway. Every time Cullen's name is brought up, you're always ready to accuse me of something terrible.
‘What can I blame IIyana for today?’
" She said, trying her best to imitate him.
"I haven't accused you of anything. I'm only reiterating what I heard you tell Cassandra... behind closed doors... in secret."
She lowered her eyes. "That's not true. I wasn't trying to hide anything from you."
"Then talk to me. Help me understand."
"You'll only get mad."
"I've never known you to be a damn coward, IIyana Lavellan."
She scoffed. "I've always been a coward."
"Never when it comes to us."
She stared at him for a long while. Then she shrugged in defeat. There was only so much she could admit when she stood accused, again. "Yes - I briefly imagined a life with Cullen while you were away, but it never felt... complete. The story always ends after we defeat Corypheus."
He looked down at her, bewildered.
"I wasn't trying to be dishonest," she cried.
"I never said you were."
"Then why were you angry earlier?"
"Damn it," he said, loosening his hold on her hands. "I'm so sorry. It's just that the thought of you having feelings for Cullen... it doesn't bring out the best in me."
"That's an understatement." She said darkly. But she turned slightly and pressed a kiss against his neck. She didn’t want to fight with him. Not now, not ever.
"It tortures me," Solas admitted. "I don't want you to care for another man besides me. Even if I don't deserve it."
IIyana's hurt faded as she reflected on Fayelin and the idea that love was very new to Solas. She wanted to give him all the love in the world, to heal all his hurt and pain. She only hoped she had enough patience to last a lifetime.
"You were jealous." She accused softly, pulling his head to her shoulder.
He pressed a soft kiss to the base of her neck. "Yes."
"Well, you shouldn't be. Cullen is my friend, and whatever I do feel for him is not a threat to our relationship."
Solas didn't move, didn't say anything. He only held her as she was a lifeline.
"Please don't be upset with me, or with Cullen," she pleaded softly. "I haven't betrayed you."
"I didn't think you had.”
“Yet you dragged me across Skyhold because you weren’t questioning my feelings for you.”
Solas blushed - a crimson read that had him lowering his gaze in regret.”
“You need to do better,” she said.
“I promise I will try to do better.”
To prove his point, Solas' lips found hers in a scorching kiss that conveyed in touch what he couldn't in words. He tilted her head back, taking her mouth in a hard, possessive kiss, claiming her as he had wanted to do for the past month. When she opened to him, welcoming the sweep of his tongue, their argument seemed to fade and disappeared. When he pulled away, she had never seen him look quite this way, incredulous, anxious, yearning.
She reached out to caress his cheek. ”You may not believe me, Solas, ” she said achingly, ”... but when I think of you, the picture is always so clear, so vivid... and complete."
Her words hit him like a thunderbolt. It took Solas a long time to answer, and when he did, his voice was thick and odd. "IIyana... are you…saying that you want to share a life …” He was forced to pause as if he were fumbling to speak in a foreign language.
IIyana knew what he wanted to ask; she'd known he'd felt it too for a while now. But it was too soon, and she was afraid they'd be forcing the issue.
"Tell me what you mean by that," he managed to force the words out.
"No," she answered honestly. She wasn't ready to say the words.
He leaned closer, his lips nuzzling the side of her cheek. "Why won't you say the words?"
His body was so warm and comforting that it was so easy to give him the words. But she had to be sure. Because once she said the words, it would be for always.
”Because if I did, ” IIyana admitted, ”we wouldn't be able to run from each other fast enough.”
Leaning against the rough brick wall in the dimly lit corner of the Hanged Man in Kirkwall, Pagan absently toyed with the drink he'd ordered moments earlier. He was tall and slim, hardened from the years he'd spent with the Crows. Least that was what he told himself each time he looked in the mirror. A fortnight ago, Pagan had received a contract for service. A woman - torn with grief - was seeking his assistance in the death of those responsible. He'd considered declining the contract, but with his funds lacking, he'd agreed. Besides, with his skills and expertise, it would be an easy kill.
The tavern master asked if he would like another drink, but Pagan declined, annoyed now that his appointment was almost a quarter late. If anything, he hated it when people were late. It showed they didn't respect his time. From his position against the wall, Pagan faced the entrance and had a clear view of the door open, signaling an elven woman's arrival. She scanned the tavern, gaze landing on him, continued to survey the crowd, and returned.
She stared at him. Pagan stared back.
Several long minutes passed while they studied each other. Then she started walking towards him. As soon as she moved, the hood of her brown clock fell to her shoulders. Her brown hair had been hastily chopped into a bob, which gave her the impression of a young man. But it was her face that caught his full attention. Half of her flesh had been scared by what he could only imagine was a hot iron. The skin manipulated into the letter ‘B,’ scaling from her left eye and trailing down her neck until it disappeared beneath her blouse.
The woman stopped when she reached the other side of the round table. Her gaze directed to the serpent tattoo on his right hand, the symbol she was instructed to look for.
"Are you Pagan?" She rasped. Her voice was low, dry as if she hadn't had any water in weeks.
"Yes," he nodded, gesturing to the scarred wooden chair opposite him. "Are you all alone?"
"I am." She pulled the chair and sat down. She reached into her pocket and took out a pouch of coins, pushing it to the center of the table.
"Who is the target?" He asked as he placed the pouch into his pocket.
"An elven woman." The woman said and slipped a piece of paper forward. "She's well protected. It won't be easy."
He snickered. "Don't worry. I'll get the job done." Pagan may be tall, but he was quick and agile, making it easy to navigate the dark and assassinate any of his targets. He reached for the paper and read the name. His gaze narrowed suspiciously. "You're shitting me."
"Her lover owes me a debt. I intend to see him suffer by taking her life." The woman explained what she wished to accomplish, and by the time she finished, Pagan was sick. He wished he never gambled away the advance she'd provided after he'd accepted the contract.
"This will take some time," he finally said.
"I don't care how long it takes," she rasped. "As long as she dies a slow and torturous death."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
After thirty days of abstinence, IIyana was more than ready to have Solas back in her bed. The last three days had been tiring, upon more than one occasion, she found herself distracted with heated images of Solas taking her on his desk, or in the war room, sometimes against the wall leading to the second floor. One afternoon while she was down in the archive, she'd bumped into the table and wondered if it were sturdy enough to hold her weight should he slam her down and take her roughly?
It only got worse, although it wasn't entirely her fault. As of late, IIyana's been the recipient of heated, desired ridden stares that told her she wouldn't be sleeping alone much longer.
For the hundredth time last night, IIyana fidgeted on the hard bench and worked valiantly to focus her attention on the conversation surrounding her. Iron Bull and the Chargers were exchanging stories of valor while Varric scribbled furiously to capture their tales. Seated across from her was Solas, surrounded by Dorian and Eri. But despite the animated conversation, her focus was on him.
And blast him, if he didn't take advantage of the situation by shamelessly undressing her with his eyes.
Despite his absorption of the conversation around him, his gaze continued to linger on her breasts. One look at the smile tugging his lips, and she knew he wanted her to know. She threw him an icy glare, but his smile only widened. He lifted his gaze from her bosom, traveling lazily up her throat, paused at her lips, and then lifted to her eyes. Her heated glance earned her nothing but a challenging lift of his brows and a sensual smile before his gaze reversed and did a lazy trip downward.
She spent the rest of the evening atop the battlements, hoping the frigid chill could cool her down.
But perhaps her most embarrassing moment came in the form of Mother Giselle. While de-escalating an argument between the Reverend Mother and Dorian, IIyana's gaze happened upon Solas as he passed. He threw her a lustful glance and returned to his duties. Her mind immediately shifted to erotic images of her straddling him upon his desk in the heat of passion.
"He doesn't mind when you're in control. He likes it when you ride," Cole announced out of nowhere. "But why? Solas isn't a horse."
It took a moment for IIyana to realize what Cole had said and that the argument between Dorian and Mother Giselle had frozen mid-sentence.
"Hot. He burns hot. Just like you," Cole continued.
"Cole!" IIyana shrieked. "Get out of my fucking head!"
Dorian threw back his head and laughed, clutching his side. "Oh, IIyana, do behave. We're in the presence of the Holy."
Poor Mother Giselle couldn't meet IIyana's eyes as she made her apologies and quickly took her leave.
Yes, it had been a troublesome and frustrating week, but all worth it in the end. Feeling much better than she had in days, IIyana quickly bathed, brushed her hair, and dressed for the day. The rain had finally stopped, the sun showed brightly, and no one, not even Cullen was going to put a wrinkle in her happiness.
A brisk chill met her as she entered the main hall, but she didn't mind it because her attention was on the man striding towards her. Solas' gaze caught IIyana's, and she saw the desire there, but more than that, she saw the love, and her heart did three silly little somersaults.
"Hello," he greeted, a devilish twinkle in his eyes that caused her heart to skip another beat.
IIyana gave him an impish smile, doing all in her power not to let her cheeks turn red. "Good morning, Solas. Where are you off to this morning?"
"To the archives. I'm in need of a book," he replied. Then he gave her a secretive grin. "Would you care to accompany me?"
"I have a meeting," she said regretfully, although she would rather spend the day with him.
"More's the pity. I was hoping you can assist me with my research. The archive is usually empty at this time of day."
"Oh," she said, and he softly laughed. "I may have ten minutes," she quickly added.
His eyes came to bare on hers again, and there was something different in them, something heated and dangerous. "For what I have in mind, it may take the rest of the afternoon."
Her throat dried. His implication made her blush, and for a moment, she wanted to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him then and there.
"I'm going in the same direction," she managed to say. "That is... if you want to walk with me?"
He flashed her a wicked grin. "Perhaps you can indulge me for a moment or two before your meeting?"
They walked in the direction leading to Josie's office. As soon as the door closed behind them, Solas pressed her against the door, bent his head, and kissed her. She kissed him back, enjoying the warm sweep of pleasure spearing through her. Then she remembered her meeting.
"I have to go. Josie will kill me if I'm late again."
He drew her back into his arms. "Yana... about tonight. I meant to ask you if --?"
"Yes," She murmured, between soft, nibbling kisses. "My bedroom or yours?"
He kissed the side of her neck. "Your bed is bigger."
Then he found her mouth again. The kiss turned fierce and hungry, his hand caressed her breast, and she forgot all about her meeting.
"Inquisitor, we found where the Red Templars came from," Leiliana announced when IIyana entered the war room.
"Therinfal Redoubt," Cullen added, passing the dispatch he'd received last evening. "The Knights were fed red lyrium until they turned into monsters. Samson took over after their corruption was complete."
IIyana frowned as she read the letter. Caravans of red lyrium were being smuggled across Thedas along trade routes. "Shit - how did we miss this?"
"It appears to be an entire network of professional smugglers," Leiliana explained. "Investigating them can lead to where they're being mined."
IIyana nodded. "Why would Samson join Corypheus?"
"Perhaps Corypheus flattered his vanity, gave him a purpose, and fed him lyrium," Cullen reported. "Samson had a chronic lyrium addiction and spent every last coin he earned on smugglers. He seemed a decent man at first, but Knight Commander Meredith later expelled him for erratic behavior. Samson ended up begging on the Kirkwall's streets. He committed further crime but managed to evade the Order's justice."
Cullen growled in disgust and slammed his fist unto the table, toppling some of the markers from their place. "I knew he was an addict, but this... red lyrium isn't like the lyrium given by the Chantry. Its powers come with a terrible madness."
"Red lyrium is a more potent and more addictive form of raw lyrium," Leliana clarified. "Prolonged exposure can induce changes to one's body and mind and doom the user to a gruesome death."
Josie raised her gaze from her clipboard to meet IIyana's. "Subjects are prone to pain. The intensity varies, of course, but it's always painful."
A memory flashed to the alternate world IIyana had seen in Redcliffe, and she grimaced. There was no way in hell she was letting those events happen. "If it's as powerful as you claim, can we use it to our advantage?"
Cullen shook his head. "Not without abandoning all sense and sanity."
"Cullen's correct - it's too dangerous," Leliana interjected. "It's parasitic."
"My sources have confirmed that during the advanced stages of exposure, the red lyrium begins to crystallize within and sprout from the subject's body," Josie echoed."
"Which is exactly why we must stop it," Cullen hissed.
Determined more than ever to end this evil, IIyana gave her advisors a direct stare. "I understand. Where do we begin?"
Josie picked up a marker and placed it to the south of Skyhold. "The Emerald Graves, our scouts are already in position."
"If you confront them, be wary. Anything connected to Samson will be well guarded," Cullen said curtly.
"I'll send word to Harding," Leliana said before taking her leave.
With nothing else to report, Cullen cleared his throat. His eyes met IIyana's for the first time in days. "Inquisitor... if there is nothing else you need of me..."
IIyana shook her head. "No, thank you. You're free to go. Excellent work Commander."
Cullen's mouth tightened as if he'd wanted to say something else but decided against it. He gave a small nod, the door clicking as softly behind him.
IIyana released a heavy sigh and walked to the window, leaning her head against the frozen glass. She was lost in the thought of Cullen and his resignation and whether she should impose her will as Inquisitor? The thought of who should replace him, and whether they can still win against Corypheus' army with Cullen gone?
"I'll wager you three sovereigns that men have rocks for brains."
The statement was so unexpected that IIyana laughed and turned to smile at Josie, whose eyes twinkled with mirth.
"Make it five," IIyana replied, thankful for the distraction. "I can write an entire book on my experience."
"Perhaps a series will be more fitting."
"With different themes," IIyana interjected. "Such as how to not poke the bear, how to avoid power struggles, and how to mend jealous, broken hearts. The list goes on."
"You're missing one," Josie said softly. "How to ask your Commander not to resign."
IIyana gave a little shrug. "That, too."
With a little sigh, Josie said. "Talk to me, Inquisitor. Not as your Ambassador but as your friend."
IIyana frowned. What more could she do? She'd already accepted that the situation was out of her control. As such, her only option was to find a suitable replacement.
"I need to find a replacement," IIyana confessed. "And soon."
Silence fell in the wake of the words. This morning, Cullen had informed herand Leliana that he'd resigned and would conclude his duty by Wintersend. It was clear his decision had been made without the input of Cassandra and the Inquisitor.
"IIyana," Josie prompted. "You both can't pretend that things are normal between you two."
"It's not ideal," IIyana agreed, "but it gets me through the day."
"I know it's been difficult, but you can't avoid this forever. Sooner or later, you're going to have to speak with him again."
"I'm not his favorite person at the moment."
"No," Josie pointed out. "But I've never known you to cower behind walls."
"That's true," she agreed. "But to be honest - I'm sick of this. I've spent the past week groveling in guilt, over-analyzing, and thinking of different ways to solve this problem. And you know what I came up with? No amount of convincing Cullen otherwise is going to change his mind."
"I'm sure he'll listen to reason."
"It's been decided," IIyana said sadly. "I'm approving his request."
Josie gasped. "But why? We need him."
"If I force his hand, Cullen will choose his duty over what is best for him.” IIyana explained. "He'll be damned either way." She gave her friend a watery smile. "And he'll hate us, Josie. He'll hate me. I'd be no better than the Order if I took his freedom away."
Josie walked up and placed her arms around IIyana. "It seems to me that you've given this some thought," she said softly.
IIyana nodded. "Yes. My decision is final."
Josie understood. "I'll take a look at Cullen's list of replacements and send inquiries to Val Royeaux for additional candidates. I'll let you know as the reports arrive so we may review them together."
"Thank you. I know it was childish not to have included you all in this decision."
"I'm just grateful I won't have to deliver the news to Lady Cassandra."
IIyana grimaced. "Maybe I should send Eri. She already doesn't like him, so it'll be a win-win for all of us."
"I'll have Blackwall on standby in case we need a mediator."
The woman shook with laughter. Gods, it felt good to laugh, and IIyana didn't remember the last time she did. But damn, it sure felt good.
"Oh, and one more thing," Josie added as they concluded their meeting. "I've made arrangements for you and Master Solas to have the day off tomorrow."
IIyana gave her friend an appreciative smile. "Thank you for clearing my schedule."
"You're welcome. I've also made arrangements to have dinner, and the morning meal brought up to your room."
"You're a fucking saint, Lady Josephine."
Josie's eyes widened, a blush cresting her cheeks. "To be honest, Master Solas made the request last night. It was rather intense, his request to spend the day with you."
"I'm surprised you didn't burst into flames."
"I almost did," Josie said. She cupped her cheeks in embarrassment. "I had to walk the battlements for an hour to cool myself down. IIyana, if he's that intense when he speaks of you, I can only imagine..."
The rest of her day flew by quickly. After she left the war room, IIyana rushed down to the archives, only to find it empty of Solas, although stacked up on the table were books on Dalish rituals, a book on flowers, and one on ancient ceremonies from the times of Arlathan. Although she couldn't read the language, IIyana picked up the ancient tome and began scanning its content. There were dozens of pages depicting early living, castles in the clouds, and portraits of the ancient Gods.
It was strange that she'd never noticed this book before, but as she flipped through it, her eyes landed on a page marked by a purple flower. Preserved in magic, the flower bloomed brightly in her hand, the same color of the butterflies Solas often sent her way. Her gaze turned to the page marked, and her eyes widened, breath caught in her throat.
It was a picture of a bonding ceremony. A couple in love whose hands were intertwined with ribbon, pledging themselves to one another for all of eternity. On the opposite page was a short paragraph written in Elvhen.
The anchor hummed as she traced the letters. Though she didn't understand the words, she sensed them.
‘I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart.’
It spoke of a spiritual love that surpassed all duty and time. A love without language and borders.
It was beautiful.
And at that moment, IIyana never felt such envy.
She imagined what kind of life this couple would have had. Would they have lived in the city or a cottage, nestled deep in the forest for privacy? Would he read to her while she baked in the kitchen, or lecture her on the theories of magic instead? And when they had children, would he take their daughter fishing or spend hours helping her construct a spell—a boy with his blue eyes and a girl with her temper?
Realizing how far her thoughts had drifted, IIyana closed the book and ignored the soft ache that rose in her chest. She envied the couples who were able to live a life free of war and death. She wondered if she and Solas would find that type of happiness when Corypheus was defeated?
In a different world but underneath the same sky, she yearned for a future such as this.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The last time Solas felt this nervous, he'd been waiting for IIyana to join him for dinner.He was genuinely annoyed with himself. If not surprised, at being so unnerved at the idea of sharing her bed. It wasn't as if he hadn't thought about it day and night, or imagined making love to her in a hundred ways he'd never had before. He'd even etched her passionate responses to memory to cherish them during those cold and lonely nights. And yet, he was sitting at his desk in the rotunda tossing back glasses of whiskey to calm his nerves.Oh, damn it to hell and back. Everything would be fine. He'd made love to IIyana a dozen times - hundreds if he were honest. Making love to her came as natural as breathing air. Flustered now, Solas tossed back another glass of whiskey, this time for courage.Somewhere in Skyhold, a clock chimed, signaling the hour he'd been waiting for.Without thought, his hand wrapped around the jawbone that hung loosely from his neck. For as long as he could remember, it was a reminder of his true purpose- to free the elvhen people and lead them to a better life. Simultaneously, it served as a daily reminder of his past mistakes and the burden that weighed heavily upon his shoulders. He never imagined he would find relief from his responsibilities, but as of late, his burdens had become less cumbersome. Perhaps it was because he'd found a new purpose.The clock chimed again, taking him from his thoughts.Solas had put off going to IIyana for as long as he could. He thought he was learning to accept this new beginning. The last time he made love to IIyanna, an ocean of secrets separated them. Now, more than ever, all he desired was to greet her as a free man. He will choose to leave Fen'Harel behind, along with Solas, and greet her as a man - who, from the moment he kissed her, had always known she was fated to be his.The clock chimed for the final time.Without hesitation, he took great care to remove the necklace from around his neck and placed it on the wooden desk. IIyana sat on the blanket directly in front of the hearth, combing her fingers through her damp hair. She wore a white chemise that hung loosely off one shoulder. The fire bronzed her skin, and she grew warm as her thoughts drifted to the night ahead.The door clicked open, and she took a deep breath to calm her clamoring heart. Shadows danced across the wall as Solas ascended the stairs. By the Gods, he looked like something from a dream, an elvhen hero from one of those fabled tales she'd heard as a child. Her throat went dry. She licked her lips nervously.Solas stood at the top of the stairs for several minutes, staring at her. She looked beautiful to him, like a flaming goddess set upon this earth to burn him alive. A tightness welled in his chest. She belonged to him just as he'd always known he belonged to her. A feeling of contentment shot through him as he accepted the inevitable. She was his mate - from now until eternity. No matter what the future brings, she will always carry his heart as he would hers.As if she sensed his thoughts, IIyana managed to give him a shy smile."I don't want to scare you, " she admitted softly, "and I won't tell you that I'm not nervous. But I feel like a - like a..." Her voice trailed off. She felt suddenly shy. "Don't be afraid," he reassured her. "You can tell me anything." He patiently waited as she gathered her courage. IIyana released a steady breath and brought green eyes to meet his. "I feel like a... falon'saota, " she admitted achingly. She felt like a wife. A mate.Solas couldn't suppress the flood of emotions that came with her words. His breathing wasn't quite steady. Neither was hers. The word lingered in the air between them, tingling like homespun magic against their skin. After a long pause, he finally spoke. "The Elvhen believe that once spoken, a claim such as yours, is recognized as an oath of commitment under the eyes of the Creator."Her eyes widened with embarrassment.He came away from the stairs with a natural grace, reached out and took her hand. Very slowly, he drew her to him, straight into his arms. "Don't be embarrassed, IIyana," he murmured. "The thought has crossed my mind many times."She blushed a crimson red.He waited for a signal, some form of objection, but she only raised those beautiful green eyes to meet his."I don't want to scare you or pressure you to do anything you don't wish to," she said softly."My only fear is that a lifetime with you won't be enough." He confessed. Openly and honestly. "You carry my heart as I carry yours. When I think of you, my picture is also complete."Such words. Such precious words brought tears to IIyana's eyes and rewarded him with a loving, watery smile.Solas smoothed her hair, whispering for her to trust him, that he would love and cherish her. One of his hands can up to the back of her head, holding her in place. His lips dragged over hers again and again, and when her lips were open and damp, he sealed them with his mouth. Excitement flooded her, and she pressed against him. The kiss slowly but subtly shifted, changing into a deep, devouring kiss that left them both breathless.Bending her over, he dragged his lips along the sensitive flesh underneath her chin, enjoying the hitch of her breath as he pressed a kiss against her throat."I missed you," IIyana whispered, clinging to him as if he were a lifeline.He kissed her again, softly, deeply, tasting the sweetness that she offered. "I've missed you, too," he replied.With hardly any effort, Solas lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bed, laying her gently upon the silken sheets. His fingers journeyed through the strands of her hair, then trailed down to her shoulders, sliding down between her arms and taking her chemise with them. IIyana shifted slightly as he freed her from the garment, his breath hot against her skin, gaze intense as he admired nakedness."You are so beautiful, m'yana," he whispered.Then he drew away to remove his clothes."No," she pleaded, catching his wrist. "Allow me."IIyana guided her hands underneath his shirt, lifting the garment up and over his shoulders, and pulled it over his head to unveil sculpted muscles. She turned her attention to his breeches and began unlacing them, exposing skin inch by inch until he was standing naked before her. She released a slow, steady breath, trying desperately to calm her racing heart. He was more than beautiful. He was perfection. And he belonged to her.As if admiring a priceless piece of art, she traced a finger along the front of his thighs, trailing up to his muscled stomach, then curved around to his back. She wanted to roam her hands all over the length of his body. When her hand accidentally brushed his arousal, Solas flinched as if he'd been burned. She waited for him to catch his breath, continuing her exploration.He bit back a savage groan when she pressed her lips against his chest, another on his stomach, then above his pelvic bone. His body throbbed with anticipation as her lips descended."IIyana," he said thickly as her breath caressed his rigid cock. "You have no idea what you do to me." He felt as though time suddenly stilled. His heart pounding in his ear. In a haze, he saw her hand reached up to stroke him, a soft question in her eyes. Then her mouth wrapped around the head of his cock, and his entire world shattered.Solas' breath escaped in one long hiss. When she lowered her mouth down his length, he seemed to lose all control. He sounded like a man taking his last breath of life. His body was so tense; she thought he might break. His hands flew to her hair and gripped tightly as his hips rolled forward. Each sensation pulled him deeper and deeper to the back of her throat.She wasn't selfish with her desire to please him. She took him deeper into her mouth, running her hand along his shaft. By the Gods, he was moaning so loudly that she felt empowered. He prayed for mercy. He prayed for death. He arched his hips and made love to her as if he were sheath inside her warmth.He was so impossibly hard that if she didn't stop, he would spill into her mouth. He needed to tell her to stop. If only her mouth didn't feel so damn good. If only she weren't moaning as if she enjoyed it when he thrust deeper and deeper. With all the willpower he possessed, Solas gripped her hair and slowly, if not painfully, withdrew from her mouth.With a low groan, he gathered her into his arms and swept her upon the bed. His hard body draped against hers, and he nuzzled the side of her throat. Ah, but his lips felt like magic. Their lips met again. He savored the delicate fire of her mouth and continued to kiss her, sliding down the line of her jaw, unto the hollow beneath her ear, then to her neck. He paused a moment and sucked slowly before grazing his teeth against her pulse."Oh!"She felt his smile against her neck as he moved lower to her chest. Remembering all the different ways he could bring her to pleasure, Solas found the tender curve of her breast and circled his thumb over the peak until it hardened to a rosy point. Using the tip of his tongue, he traced a damp circle around her nipple. Pleasure washed over her. She was strung so tightly she was afraid of what may happen if he didn't stop teasing her. His tongue circled the sensitive flesh, and his teeth nipped ever so gently.IIyana found herself arching into him, her face turned into his throat, frantic breaths striking his skin.His mouth moved to her other breast, and she cried out. The sound of his name on her lips was incredibly erotic. As his mouth closed around one nipple, his hand glided to her belly, caressing the skin for a moment before he carefully worked his way down between her legs. She trembled with excitement and anticipation. Her passion-ridden green eyes stared into his, pleading, begging him to end her torment. Carefully, he parted her folds and stroked a gentle finger between them. She gasped. Finding the sensitive spot, he rubbed lightly, rotating in circular motions until she cried out, clutching the sheets tightly.Everything felt wonderful. Her body throbbed. Her hips jerked forward. Her body pushed impatiently against his hand.Solas responded by inserting a finger into the opening of her body. He thrust deeply, while her flesh clasped around his knuckle. She sobbed in relief. He set a rhythm that left her panting breathlessly beneath him. Her muscles clenched. She felt as if she were about to jump off a cliff and soar into the sky."Solas."His name fell from her lips, and in her blurry mind, she was aware that he'd released her nipple.He teased her as he pressed his tongue to the center of her chest and slowly worked a damp trail to her belly. Her stomach danced as her breathing came out faster. He traced a lazy circle around her navel and then continued his descent, working his body down the bed as he worked closer to the place where his fingers caressed.Solas kissed the inside of her thighs. "Open for me, IIyana... Yes, just like that. Yes..." he said huskily. By the Gods, have mercy on me, she pleaded silently. She should tell him that she was close. She should say to him that what she really wanted was -- “oh dear Gods, please don't stop.”"I won't," he promised, lowering his head to her intimate flesh.His mouth found her heat in a lustful, carnal kiss that made every muscle in her body convulse and twitch as if she'd been struck with lightning. The pressure in her belly became erratic. She arched, pressing her back firmly into the mattress, her legs closing around his head. His hands gripped her legs and pushed them apart, spreading her thighs wider. His tongue found her again, so hot and erotic.He was relentless as he coaxed the fire out of her. Every inch of her had been touched in the most intimate way. She released a series of pleas, a mixture of love words, curses, his name. Her body felt elevated. Then she shot straight to the stars. As her body shuddered with release, Solas lifted her hips and plunged his tongue into her core. He licked furiously, stroking and teasing, intensifying her climax, soaking in all the sweetness her body had to offer. Little tremors shook through her body as she tried to regain control."I want you, IIyana." His voice deepened to a hoarse, almost desperate tone. "I want to be inside you. Now. Let me make love to you."He cupped her bottom with one hand and settled his body between her thighs. She tensed when the head of his cock brushed her damp heat. Her eyes flew open. It had been so long. She was more than ready. Solas leaned forward and fused his mouth with hers in a deep and lustful kiss. She held nothing back. She molded her body against his, devouring his mouth hungrily."Put your arms around me, m'yana," he said hoarsely.She glided her hand around his neck as he slowly pushed into her opening. She opened around him, crying out as he slid all the way to the hilt. He was lodged so deeply inside her that she could feel him touch her womb. Solas gasped, trying desperately to maintain his focus. She moved and he gripped her hips to hold her still. His body shuddered as her exquisite heat wrapped tightly around his flesh. Cupping her face between his hands, he captured her cries with a kiss as he withdrew almost to the head of his shaft, then returned his entire length to her body in excruciating slowness. He repeated the process until little sparks of fire sizzled through her body. He gripped her flesh and spread her legs wider as he slid in and out, cursing and biting the side of her neck.IIyana's fingers danced across his skin. Her nails scaled his back. She brought her lips to his ear, whispering for him not to be gentle. She told him all the dirty ways she wanted him to take her.His resolve broke. Passion took control of Solas' mind as his movement increased, faster, and more forceful. He draped one slender leg around across his shoulder to bring them closer. Their sighs caught and mingled in the air along with the scent of their lovemaking. The burning sensation increased between them. Burning hotter and hotter until the pressure building up inside her became unbearable. He reached between their joined bodies to stroke her sensitive nub."Come for me, IIyana. Come. Now." Solas buried his face into the crook of her neck, gritting against the white-hot pleasure consuming him.She seemed to come apart in his arms, screaming his name, and he swallowed her frantic cry. As soon as she found her release, Solas discovered his own. With a low groan, he gave one more mighty thrust and completely and irrevocably surrendered. His body shook as he spilled his seed into her body. His heart pounded frantically, his senses spiraled, he felt that he may have died and gone to the beyond. Wrapping his arms around her and placing a kiss upon her forehead, Solas whispered his happiness into her skin. Then rolling them both unto their sides, he pulled her against his chest.Afterward, the two lay together, letting the hours drift by and pretending time had stopped. They welcomed the brisk chill stolen into their chamber, pulling bodies closer, limbs intertwined as they snuggled underneath the heavy fur blanket. "You were right," Solas whispered, his hands idly stroking her hair and back, "about things being different between us." "Is it better or worse?" She asked, raising her eyes to meet his. "So much better," he confessed with a smile. "I feel we've grown closer." "Good," she added. Then she had a thought and angled her head higher to stare at him expectantly. "You once told me that you felt 'unworthy' of me.""I remember.""And now?"Solas regarded her for a long moment, then pulled her flat against him, capturing her cheek with his hand. "I’m free," he said hoarsely, "because of you, IIyana." Content, she laid her head against his heart.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
In the days that followed, it became clear to outsiders, especially to the inner circle, that something had changed between IIyana and Solas. The two had formed an intangible bond that was made between two people who were promised to one another. They officially became a couple in the eyes of Skyhold, and to the Inquisition's delight, neither shied away from the rumors that a bonding ceremony was inevitable. Although she was happy to return to her duties, IIyana had a few private concerns about how it will affect her relationship with Solas - in particular, what would happen to them the moment she left for the Emerald Graves? She desperately wanted him to join her, but Leliana had requested he stay behind to study the mysterious shards sent back from a scout. "I can't say I'm not disappointed," Solas admitted as he reread the note. "The region bears the scars of the Exalted March - I was hoping to explore some of its ruins with you." He repeated her name twice before she looked up. "IIyana, what is it?"She wondered if she should ask him to leave with her tomorrow, but decided against it. She felt selfish to demand such things when he was needed here. "I hate that you're not going with me,” she sighed."You're starting to sound like a possessive woman.""When it comes to you - I am possessive,” she agreed. “So, you better get used to it."A small smile tugged at his lips, and he pulled her close, setting his lips to her forehead and cheek. Sensing IIyana’s distress, Solas tilted her chin so that she would have to look at him. "If this is about us, I promise you," he reassured, "nothing will come between us again."IIyana smiled at him, but privately she found no comfort in his words. It wasn't him she was worried about, it was the Gods, they always had a funny way of making her life miserable just as soon as she found a moment's peace. "IIyana… you're doing that thing when your thoughts drift, and you spiral." "I can't help it," she shrugged, "It's just that I want you there with me. You've been present for every major campaign and I -"”Except for when you ran off to the Western Approach and avoided me for two months.””You should have kissed me, ” she countered.Without hesitation, his head bent over hers. Solas gave IIyana a long, smoldering kiss, and she relaxed against him, her fingers sinking into the fabric of his shirt. They didn't care that it was in the middle of the rotunda in the middle of the afternoon. All that mattered was the two of them."I'll come to you as soon as I can," he promised, drawing away. "Until then, I’ll visit you in the Fade."She nodded. Then she had a thought and raised her eyes to meet his. Curious now, she asked, "Varric asked me a while back if…" she wobbled her head to find the right words "… if there was such a thing as fade sex?" "Of course. There are many temptations in the fade. Desire demons use their victims' yearnings - lust, wealth, or power - to their advantage.""Oh!" she said, eyes widening. "Have you ever?"It took Solas a moment to realize what she was implying. Then he scoffed. "Of course not."IIyana rolled her eyes. "No need to get all offended, Solas. I was only curious." "You were asking if I ever slept with a demon in the fade? As if I would ever do such a thing. The fade isn’t a place for -”"No,” she quickly interjected. “I was simply curious to see if you would like to have fade sex with me while I was away? Besides, I didn't think you and I - that you would even consider it since it’s never been brought up." He stared at her for a long time. Then he angled his head slightly and gave her a devilish grin. The following morning, Solas sent her off with a kiss and a threat to Eri and Dorian to keep her safe. He walked with them to the front gate and stood watch as IIyana and Co. crossed the bridge, followed by a dozen Inquisition scouts. He calculated that it would take them three days to reach the Emerald Graves, two if they rode throughout the night. If he started his research within the hour, he may be able to join her after a few days.Solas spotted Sera climbing the walls above, perhaps to get a better view, while Varric walked up to stand beside him. The two men exchange greetings and returned their gaze to the departing group. "You have nothing to worry about, Chuckles," Varric reassured. "IIyana can hold her own.""I have no doubt she'll be able to take care of herself," Solas agreed. "Then what's with the long face?""There is danger everywhere - we know not what awaits us in the shadows." "In other words - you're worried about her?" "Yes."Before Varric could reply, Sera landed with a thud in front of them. "Stupid mud and water and dirt on my new outfit," Sera mumbled as she furiously wiped away specks of dried dirt from her red shirt. Solas chuckled."Shut it!" Came Sera's reply. "My shirt's ruined."Taking the opportunity to get Sera back for putting lizards in his bedroll, Solas flicked his wrist. "I can combine both fire and ice spells to form water - that is, if you would like me to use my magic to help you clean that shirt?”"No, you keep your magic parts to yourself," she insisted. "And stop doing that." Varric shook his head at Sera. "Stop doing what?""I can hear how you're looking at me," she said, moving one finger in a circular motion in front of Varric. "You're doing that thing where you describe what we're doing." "Narration,” Varric explained, “and you can hear how I'm looking?" At her confused expression, Solas clasped both hands behind his back and straightened to his fullest height. "Allow me to explain, Sera," Solas interjected. "Narration is the action or process of a story. A story is something you can find in a book. A book is a written or printed work consisting of pages sewn together on one side and bound in covers.” With each sentence, her eyes narrowed into dangerous slits, but he chose to ignore it. “You should try reading one every once in a while,” Solas added, secretly enjoying her distress. The insult rewards him with a dirty sneer. Sera pushed passed the two men, ignoring their laughter as she stomped into the Skyhold."You should know that IIyana asked Sera and me to watch over you," Varric replied. Solas scoffed. "I'll do well without Sera's -”He barely avoided the glass jar that exploded in front of him, covering the two in a cloud of grey smoke. Covering their mouths, the men moved to escape the smoke bomb as two more bottles cracked on the ground. Solas heard a faint buzz, followed by another, then ten more. "Fuck!” Varric yelled. ”Bees!”Varric scrambled to get away, swatting at the blood-thirty insects as they swarmed around them. He was about to sucker punch one of the flying monsters when Solas’ arms wrapped around his frame and they faded-stepped to safety. Leaning against the wall for support, they tried to catch their breaths. Embarrassed that their feat had been witnessed by so many. They will never live this down. At least Dorian won’t let them after Sera tells him about it. “Are you hurt, Master Tethras?” Solas asked. “No, you?’Solas checked for any swelling that he may have acquired. “No, but my pride has taken a beating.” “You know you’re going to have to apologize,” Varric said, slumping unto the ground. Solas joined him. “Yes, but when she is calmer.” For most of the day, the group traveled south until the signal was finally given to make camp a few hours before nightfall. While Eri helped Cassandra set up camp, Blackwall and Iron Bull set out to hunt, leaving IIyana and Dorian to ward the camp's perimeter. The two caught up with life, and IIyana asked about Dorian's father. Despite receiving two letters from him, Dorian has yet to reach out. He simply wasn't ready. He didn’t know what to say and wondered if their relationship could heal? They placed several more wards as they weighed the pros and cons of family intervention, with the outcomes being more negative than positive. The conversation shifted to the Emerald Graves, Cullen’s pending resignation, then Solas. "You and Solas are well?" Dorian asked as they walked side by side. The ground was soft beneath their feet, leaving imprints from the morning rain. "Yes," she said with a big smile. "We are very well.""Good. Because for a moment there, I thought Cullen was going to come out on top - not that I blame him, you two do make a striking pair - but let's be clear, I've grown accustomed to an overly-agreeable Solas. I’ll like to keep it that way.” She gave him a wide smile. "I think you're growing on him, too. But don't tell him I told you - Solas will never admit to it." The two continued down the path and added thirty minutes to their task to gossip then headed back. By the time they arrived, the camp was set up with dinner cooking on several fire pits. The group had dinner, discussed missing seekers, talked about political matters, then called it a night. "Oh, my dear, I can’t believe I almost forgot," Dorian said, stopping IIyana as she headed for bed. Pulling a letter from his pocket, he held it in front of her. "It's from your vhenan," he said, though the words sounded funny coming from his common tongue "I’ll give this to you, but before I do, I want to ask you something.""Of course," she said, laughing at his request. Only Dorian would hold a piece of a paper hostage to get what he wanted."I read somewhere that Solas would have to ask me for your hand in union," he said. "When the day comes, I want everyone to be present when he does. On bended knee, with white doves floating above.""You're ridiculous!" IIyana laughed, snatching the paper from his hand. "Besides, that's my fantasy." She waved him off and entered her tent.It felt empty and cold without Solas, but the letter provided her with some comfort, in knowing that even apart, he still thought of her. After changing out of her clothes, IIyana put on a fresh pair of light leggings and a thin, white blouse. She lit a small candle by her bedroll and tore off the wax paper that held the paper closed. It was dated before the summer, shortly after she'd left for the Western Approach, and appeared to be one of the letters she had returned unread.
Inquisitor Lavellan,
Forgive the ramblings of a foolish man as I attempt to explain my reasoning for what happened between us. I was taken aback when you approached me in the rotunda, and my only response was to take you to the Fade, as things have always been easier for me there.
I intended to share my admiration and gratitude for all you've done - for me, for the elves, and the Inquisition. If I had given the impression, or pressured you in any way, that I was seeking something more from our visit, I apologize.
I had every intention of speaking with you the following morning, only to learn you've already left for the Western Approach. I suspect your departure was due to my lack of response when you kissed me. If I embarrassed you, I am sorry.
If it brings you any comfort, my response was not from a lack of attraction or desire. It was more from the fear of whether it would be welcomed.
Solas
IIyana read the letter twice, wondering how different their lives would be had they both acted sooner. She closed her eyes, loving the feel of him so close to her, wishing she could live there, in his heart, forever.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Fuck - it was cold.Eri was up at dawn, starring moodily over the terrain, as he breathed in the chilly air and looked skyward. Greyish clouds with blueish hues were already forming, despite the warmth of the morning sun. It wouldn't snow today, something he was thankful for. But it would soon. Winter was settling upon Ferelden, and soon, colder air and shorter days would push in. He hadn't slept the night before either, his body weary and aching from travel. The closer the group came to their destination, the more restless he'd become. His mind kept him awake at night. Sometimes it spiraled into shapeless words, other times, it attached itself to memories and created stories that left him wanting. As of late, it was IIyana’s words that ruminated into emotions he’d long forgotten. Deshanna asked about you, Ilyana had told him. She was remorseful and wants you to come home. When you’re ready, we can go home together.Words. They were just silly words said in a moment of pity, under the influence. At least that was what he told himself when the familiar spark of hope shot through him, as it often did these days.Eri wasn't a frightened youth of twenty struggling without his clan's support, wondering where his next meal will be anymore. He had a life waiting for him back in Antiva. He had mates who drank with him regularly. People that worried about him, and asked about his day. Yet he couldn’t deny the twisted joy of knowing Deshanna regretted her actions. Good, he thought, he hoped she suffered daily because of it. Deshanna owed him more than an apology - she took away his family. Nothing she said would ever atone for the loss of identity he suffered after he was exiled from the clan. So why wasn't he more eager to mount his horse and ride towards Wycome to receive that apology? The quicker he did, the quicker he could leave Ferelden. By now the sun was high above the horizon, casting its light among the lush greens of the region. Eri sat in silence for an hour before heading back to camp. No matter how hard he tried to run from it, here, underneath the sky of his Gods and the trees of his people, Eri knew why he hesitated - he wanted Deshanna to accept him back. To be given the chance to reclaim his clan and his Lavellan name was all that Eri desired.But he'll never admit to that - because that person died a long time ago. "We're going to get lost and die, aren't we?" Dorian announced after the group traveled for three hours straight with no signs of Scout Harding, having crossed into the Dales the day before. ”A glorious end to the Inquisition.""If I die today - lay me on a bed of mead and send me off to the Gods with an offering," Eri stated, "that is… if they find me in time." "What the hell, Eri?" IIyana chided, having caught the last of his words as she pulled her mount next to his. "No one is dying today - not on my watch. Now stop being so damn fucking morbid." "Language, Inquisitor!" Cassandra yelled from behind. "I hope you have that same energy for me should I fall in battle,” Dorian mumbles under his breath. "Dorian, love," IIyana said. "With that outfit, I think you'll scare half of Thedas away.""That is something Solas will say!" He screeched. “He is rubbing off on you.”Swallowing back his laughter, Eri gave IIyana a glance over. "IIyaa - who the hell taught you how to curse like that? You sound like you're exchanging pleasantries with Mother Giselle.""What do you mean?" IIyana blinked, "I learned it from you." "No way in hell I taught you to say 'holy shit' and 'damn' like a girl," Eri insisted. "I remember specifically telling you, cursing is like a boxing match. You take little cheap jabs, then go for the mother fucking kill." "That,” Cassandra rolled her eyes, ”is a ridiculous analogy.”Eri gave her a charming smile. ”I’m down for a lesson or two if you’re willing to teach me.” Cassandra frowned and drew her horse forward.Eri chuckled softly. He didn't know what it was about the Seeker that naturally brought out a part of him who wanted to mock or tease her until she stormed off. He returned his attention back to IIyana and lectured her on the basics of a curse - from words to tone, to the delivery. "This," Eri says to IIyana, "is the correct way to curse at someone." He turns to Iron Bull, waits until he receives a nod then yelled. "Hey! Qunari, what'd you have for breakfast? A fucking baby?"Eri's voice echoed throughout the forest - his voice was curt, direct, and carried a heat of disgust."Nay, but I did suckle at your ma's fucking titties this morning," Iron Bull countered."What the fuck, Iron Bull!" IIyana screeched. "We're orphans." Eri shook his head. "That was the whole point, IIyaa- he's throwing me an insult." "How charming - now anyone who wants us dead knows exactly where we are," Dorian said. Eri chuckled. "You have nothing to fear, Cassandra will protect you.""Keep my name out of your mouth," the Seeker growled. Blackwall directed his mount to ride beside IIyana. "Cursing is like fighting, m'lady," he explained. "Just like you punch someone to hurt them, you curse at them to make them cry.""Did you curse at Josie the other day?” IIyana asked innocently. ”I could have sworn I heard her cry."Blackwall coughed, face red, at loss for words. "Boss - Eri is right, you're too polite when you curse - loses its momentum, ” said Iron Bull. "Sounds like a girl," Eri smirked. Iron Bull agreed. "Like a newborn babe.""How come no one’s told me before?" IIyana demanded, throwing her hands up in the air. "How long has it been this way?" "Since the beginning," Dorian answers for the team. “We didn’t want to hurt your delicate feelings. Especially with you and Solas going at it.”"Was anyone ever going to tell me?," she asked. ”Oh my Gods - all those times I cursed at Solas. No wonder he never took offense.”"If you idiots are done emasculating yourselves, we're here," Cassandra announced. ”Like that!” Eri pointed out. ”Did you hear how Sassie made that statement with such venom? That’s how you curse.”The group entered a clearing where more than a dozen Inquisition tents scattered across a mile radius. To the right were wooden tables set up to receive resources, weapons, and gear. Eri scanned the campsite for its leader when a dwarven woman greeted them with a smile. She signaled for her team to help care for the horses as IIyana and Co. dismounted."Welcome to the Emerald Graves," Harding announced. "I hope you have your comfortable boots on."”Hello Harding,” IIyana smiles, handing her gear to Dorian as the rest of the group headed into camp to rest. “What kind of shit-storm did we roll into this time?”Eri caught the way IIyana stressed her curse word and gave her a look. She gave him a blistering glare. He rewarded her with a crackling laugh, before turning his attention to the scout. “Harding - is it?" Eri asked, his voice smooth as silk as if he hadn't been touched by thirst or travel.The dwarven woman’s mouth tilted into a grin. "Yes - yes, Scout Harding at your service."IIyana could have smacked Eri for how he leaned in and gave Harding one of those smiles that often made the ladies swoon. "What can you tell me about this region?” He asked.As if in a trance, she replied, "They call this place the Emerald Graves. Legend says a tree grows here --" "… for every Elven knight of Halamshiral who perished in its defense," Eri finished. “Makes you sad, doesn’t it?” Harding said softly. In dramatic fashion, Eri looked to the sky above. “We are the last Elvhen. Never again will we submit.” Harding gasped, realizing her mistake. ”I-I’m sorry, I spoke thoughtlessly.”He gave her a charming yet roguish smile that made Harding blush. "I like a woman who knows her stuff.” Then he had the audacity to wink before adding, “See you around, Harding." The two women watched Eri walk into camp, neither missing the way the female scouts suddenly had things to do near where he stood.“Who is that?” Harding asked. Then. “And what the hell just happened to me?” She preferred dwarven men, but she also appreciated when pretty things walked by her. And he was more than pretty. He was marble-carved and all muscle. "You just got Eri-tranced," IIyaan laughed. "But do take caution - he may be delicious to look at, and he is a devil with love words, but trust me, the man is a total heart breaker.""Well, he can break my heart any day," Harding sighed.The two continued their conversation about the region, the rifts, and a man named Fairbanks. Not much was known about him other than he had valuable information for the Inquisition, and he won't share it with anyone except, IIyana. He and his men were camped out at Watcher's Reach, and from what Harding could tell, they're refugees from the war. IIyana thanked Harding for the information and regrouped with her team. Back at Skyhold, Solas glanced up from his notes, the mysterious shard reflecting his surprised expression, as Sera walked into the rotunda carrying a plate of cookies. He arched a brow in greeting then rose when Sera was a couple of feet from his desk. He was cautiously optimistic about her serene expression and observed her closely for any subtle movements. He wasn't quite sure when the animosity between them started, only that they went out of their way to deliver scathing insults from the moment they met. "Sera," Solas managed to say after a while. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" Sera’s expression changed into a slight frown. "The Lady Inquisitor asked me to look after you while she was gone," she explained. "I told her I didn't want to - that you had your head crammed up from a thousand years ago - but she said you were lonely. And lonely people need a community, yah?"She shoves the plate towards Solas. "So I made you cookies because it makes the little ones happy. Makes them feel like they have good people looking out for them. The Lady Inquisitor - she is good people." "She said sweets make you less sad. I said, why do I care? Then she said that I was a good person," Sera's expression's softened. "Nobody ever told me that before." Speechless with Sera's uncanny ability to say something and never saying it straight, Solas reached out to accept the cookies. "Sera, I don't know what to say --""I did it for the Lady Inquisitor. Not you. Now take them. Maybe they have something in there that makes you go eeeekkkk." She made an exaggerated retching sound then skidded off before Solas could muster another phrase. In typical fashion, Sera was here one minute, gone the next, and he was left to wonder if the treats were poisoned after all. Placing the plate on the desk and shoving it to the side, Solas returned to his work. He managed to ignore Sera's gift for an hour before curiosity got the best of him. There were twelve in total - each shaped into perfect circles with a perfect balance of chocolate shavings and dough. Taking one in hand, Solas held it up to the light and was surprised to see tiny sugar crystal glistening in the light. Sera must have sprinkled them with sugar as they came out of the oven - a very nice touch. The cookie was soft to touch, leaving traces of butter on his fingertips. As he broke it apart, crumbs sprinkled unto the work area, but he didn't mind, because the smell was divine.Solas wasn't sure what to expect when he bit into one of the pieces - immediate death for sure - but he hadn't expected the morsel to melt into his mouth like butter. Nor did he expect the satisfying sensation his taste buds made as they worshiped every ingredient.He popped another piece into his mouth, then another. Call her rusty. Call her difficult. Call her every name in the book. But damn, Sera did make a damn good cookie. Standing at over six feet with dark hair and piercing blue eyes, Fairbanks was a handsome fellow. Though he wore simple clothing made of wool and his face and hands were smeared with dirt from repairs made to his camp, Fairbanks held himself with the confidence of the nobility. It became apparent upon their meeting that he was also intelligent and well-educated."It is an honor to meet the Herald of Andraste," Fairbanks greeted as IIyana and Co. entered his camp. Directly behind him was a pebble walkway that led into a massive cave, where a dozen or more refugees had converted the space into shelter. From where she stood, IIyana spotted an infirmary, a blacksmith, and several tents sections off in which could only be their temporary homes. "This is quite the production," IIyana stated. Intrigued. "How did you manage to find so many people out here?""We are at war. People go where they are accepted." Fairbanks replied. "Here, they have a home away from the chaos. Which is why I reached out to the Inquisition. As my missive stated, we can help each other.""Go on.” “You have encountered the Freeman? Aggressive bastards, no?" Fairbanks asked, noting how each member's expression changed at the name. "They've killed a dozen of my people. We tried to fight them, but we cannot match their strength. But you can. Why should you care about this, you ask? Because the Freeman is colluding with your enemy.""Which one of our enemies?" Blackwall asked."The rogue templars," Fairbanks answered. "I've seen them through the woods, heading for the Freeman bases, leaving with crates. Destroy the Freeman, and it'll lead you straight to the Red Templars." She’d heard enough. If helping Fairbanks brought them one step closer to stopping those smuggling red lyrium, it was worth their time to lend a hand. "We'll check it out," IIyana said. “Any enemy of the Red Templar’s is a friend of ours.” Fairbanks insisted that they replenish their supplies before heading out. While the boys checked out the blacksmith's hut, IIyana pulled Cassandra to the side. Curious as to what her Seeker was thinking, IIyana asked Cassandra for her opinion. "What do you think?” IIyana asked. "Does this seem legit to you?""I can't say for sure," came Cassandra’s reply a moment later. "But Fairbanks isn't wrong about the templars. Something must have happened to the Seekers for Corypheus to have this much control over the templars.""What do you mean?'"Back at Haven, Corypheus corrupted and controlled all those templars. Which means he had access to the Templar Order. This would have been impossible under the watch of my fellow Seekers."IIyana frowned. "You think this is why the Seekers are missing?""Yes - or maybe something terrible has happened to them.""This is all connected,” IIyana whispered. Fear prickled along Cassandra's spine. "I’m afraid so. I fear it may already be too late. For the Templars and the Seekers.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The Freeman of the Dales was a splinter group of deserters from the Orlesian Army, and according to Fairbanks, not only were they in league with the Red Templars but were also holding refugees hostage.
IIyana and Co. traveled north-east and set up two more campsites before investigating Fairbank's claims. The group crossed a clearing where wildlife roams free, and a few minutes later, they climbed a hill. At the summit, IIyana turned to look back. The landscape was so incredibly beautiful; she imagined that this land surely resembled Arlathan.
They continued at a quick pace and descended into a glen, following its winding corridor until they reached a dense forest. The deeper they headed into the wilderness, the more tense Eri became. Now and then, he'd glance back to check if they were being followed. His trained eyes scanned the shadows, but he gave no signal for danger.
"All this - these statues, they have to mean something, right?" Blackwall said as they passed another caravan stone wolf. Pulling on his reins, he stopped his horse and waited for IIyana to catch up. "We've passed at least a dozen of them."
"The Dalish call these the Knight's Guardians," IIyana answered. "In the day of the elven Halamshiral, wolf companions walked alongside Emerald Knights, never leaving the side of their chosen Knight. Wolf and elf would fight together, eat together, and when the knights slept, wolves would guard them. The statues were erected in memory of their unbreakable bond."
"Interesting. I thought wolves were considered a bad omen in Dalish culture," replied Dorian. "Particularly that one with the six eyes."
"If you're talking about Dread Wolf, then yes. But Fen'Harel is not associated with these guardians," IIyana explained. "According to Dalish legends, he betrayed the Elven people by casting away the Gods, preventing them from intervening during the fall of Arlathan. He is said to have spent centuries after his great deception, hugging and giggling madly in glee while the elves suffer."
"The Gods must have done something terrible to earn such a fate," Eri said softly, more to himself than to the group. But his words caught Cassandra's attention, who gave him a curious glance.
"I'm surprised to hear you say that," Cassandra confessed. "I thought the Dalish held their Gods in high regard."
Eri released a heavy sigh. "Not all of us are blind followers, Cass."
"Forgive me. I didn't mean to offend."
"None was taken," came his reply.
"His faith in the Gods was destroyed long ago," IIyana explained softly, as the two women fell in line and paced their companions from behind. "Our childhood wasn't the best, and many of our prayers were left unanswered, especially his. Eventually, he lost his faith."
Cassandra could well understand that. "Is it true that the vallaslin, the facial tattoo that you wear, is designed after the elven deities."
"Yes," IIyana points to the two white branches inked along her cheekbones. "Mine is in honor of Mythal. She is the great protector, the all mother, and goddess of love."
"And Eri's?" Cassandra asked, which earned her a curious glance that sent heat straight to her cheeks. She regretted asking immediately.
As for IIyana, she noted her friend's blush, quickly downcast eyes, and didn't bother to hide the amusement that tugged at her lips. "Dirthmen: Keeper of Secrets. Why do you ask, Cassie?"
"I'm only curious."
IIyana innocently nodded. "Oh... okay."
Cassandra sighed. She can already guess what her friend was planning. "It's not what you think, IIyana."
"I didn't say anything."
"Forget I even asked."
Following the clue about recently missing refugees, IIyana and Co. arrived at a nearby Veridium Mine, where five were being kept against their well. Provoked, the group of Freeman attacks, along with their leader, Sister Costeau, and are quickly defeated. Documents found at the Mine lead them to Ser Auguste, the current leader of the Freeman of the Dales in the Emerald Graves, and they track him to Argon's Lodge where they engaged in a short battle. After releasing all of Fairbank's imprisoned refugees, the group headed deeper into the forest, their final location - Villa Maurel.
To everyone's surprise, Eri moved with agility and grace as he quickly walked along the perimeter of the Villa Maurel, taking note of its layout and the number of enemies they'll need to kill before they reach the massive gates surrounding the estate. When he returned to where the group hid, he released a soft whistle.
"It's going to be a bloodbath," Eri stated. "Two groups of five, one to the east and another to the west. Three archers rotate every ten minutes, and just down this slope - a watchtower with two archers and a mage. Guarding the main gate is a massive one."
"Alright, we'll first take the watchtower and then flank the sides in groups," IIyana suggested. "Cassandra and Blackwall to the east, Iron Bull and Eri to the west. Dorian and I will take out the archers then flank the sides, providing you with cover. We'll cover you as we breach the gate."
As the group spread out to their target areas, Eri pulled IIyana to the side. The only memory he had of IIyana fighting was when she defended his honor against two other boys in the Dalish camp. She was twelve at the time. "You be careful out there, IIyana. I promised Solas I will bring you home in one piece."
"You mean he threatened to kill you if anything happens to me."
Eri patted her cheeks lovingly. "Just be careful. I don't need any more blood on my hands." He walked past her, releasing his daggers from their leather sheaths.
"Eri - I'll see you when this is all over." She gave him a smile of encouragement and waved him off.
The group took out the watchtower in minutes, with IIyana and Dorian using their frost spells to freeze the three agents, followed by Eri striking them from behind. They worked quickly to take out the perimeter, each working in unison, taking care to smother their enemies' death cries.
At the gate's entrance, Eri scaled the walls to take out the archers while Iron Bull and Blackwall charged the middle. The guard drew his sword, released a battle cry, and swung his weapon. Iron clashed, magic cast, and within moments, the giant fell.
Eri picked up the key lying next to the dead man and unlocked the gate. "Shall we, ladies?"
Inside, the Villa was quiet, almost abandoned. Shadows danced along the walls as they passed by. The group carefully made their way through the building, through darkened halls, luxurious bedrooms, and climbing the second story stairs. A series of unnecessary puzzles led the group to a balcony, overlooking the massive garden. They were surprised, if not cautious, to find it empty.
"It's quiet," IIyana whispered. The ornate garden filled with marble statues and flower bushes, all surrounding a pool that stretched across the stone pavement. The only sound was water flow as it recycled through the pool and slid down smoothly from the giant drop. "Too quiet.”
Cassandra agreed. "Keep your wits about you. This place does not appear as it seems."
Eri moved to the front of the line, scanning the shadows with trained eyes. He tilted his head slightly as if to hear for any slight movement. A disturbance to the left caught his attention, and he flicked his dagger, catching the assassin in the heart. As the man clutched his chest, more than a dozen Freeman appeared from thin air, with several more pulling back their bows for an attack.
The scream of battle rang through the quiet Villa. Though they were severely outnumbered, the rebels lacked the skills and discipline of the IIyana and Co. She watched as one of the Freeman raised their sword against Eri and lost his life because of it, witnessed another chargeBlackwall with their shield, and then stared in stultification when both shield and arm was severed from his body. An ear-piercing scream of agony followed as Cassandra's sword struck another in the chest.
She closed her eyes against the bloodshed and continued to provide defense as she and Dorian cast elemental spells to attack and healing spells to protect. From the corner of her eye, IIyana spotted a man in red armor appearing from thin air; his voice boomed into the garden as he bellowed her name.
"Inquisitor!" Came the roar from the rebel's leader.
IIyana turned around just in time to see him charging straight at her with violent fury. She wasn't able to channel her mana in time, barely deflecting his blows with her staff. She could feel her muscles giving out as each strike sent pain up her arms. He was too strong. Quick, too. Angrily, he pushed back against her empty stance, and she stumbled, falling hard unto the ground.
"IIyaa!" Eri screamed, trying to get to her from across the yard. "Get up! Get the fuck up!"
Sensing that victory was only seconds away, the rebel leader raised his mallet above his head, back arching for the deadly blow. IIyana took a deep breath and steadied herself. She could hear Dorian scream her name, Eri running towards her from the left. Now wasn't the time to fall apart, even though she was seconds away from death.
The rebel leader swung his mallet down. She managed to roll out of the way just as the weapon struck the ground.
Time stood still.
Then a gurgling sound could be heard as the rebel leader stumbled forward, blood spilling from his neck as his head rolled off his body, landing with a wet thud on the ground.
IIyana released the breath she'd been holding, collapsing back in relief as Cassandra kicked the man's body to the side.
"IIyana," Cassandra said. "Are you alright?"
"Yes - Yes. Oh my Gods, yes." IIyana managed in between breaths.
"Good. Glad to hear it," came Cassandra's breathless reply. Her body heaving, forehead perspiring from battle.
The battle was a final victory.
IIyana and Co. headed back to camp, sending word to Fairbanks that his people had been freed and news that the Freeman of the Dales were defeated. As gratitude for their services, Fairbanks promises his contacts to the Inquisition and becomes an agent. Another message was sent to Skyhold, with information retrieved from Freeman's camps and Fairbank's report regarding the Red Templars.
Hours later, a message arrived for Leliana with coordinates to the Lion Pavilion, an Orlesian-built structure in the region. Carrol, the Red Templar's leader, could be found here.
When most had gone to bed, Cassandra grabbed her book and made her way to one of the tables used for the Inquisition's resources. Lighting a candle, she sat down and began reading. Cassandra was eight chapters in, with the last chapter ending on a cliffhanger, she wondered if the Knight would defy his king's orders and ride into enemy territory to save his beloved.
So immersed in her story that she didn't realize she'd had company until Eri peeked over her shoulder.
"Good book?" he asked with a smile.
Cassandra gasped, shoving the book closed and hiding it behind her back. Embarrassed. She gave Eri a glance over before denying, "I don't know what you're talking about?"
Eri chuckled - a deep sound that was both amusement and curiosity. "Yes - because I suddenly went blind."
"Oh, that," Cassandra blurted. Any lie was better than the truth. "Just reports from Commander Cullen."
"Do all of his reports come with bodice-ripping knights and breathless damsels and distress on the cover?"
Cassandra flushed - a pinkish hue that illuminated her features.
"It's of no interest to you," she insisted. "I'm certain..." her voice trailed off as Eri moved to stand next to her. It was apparent he wasn't going to leave until she came clean.
"It's a book," she finally admitted.
He laughed then, "I can see that."
Cassandra placed the book on the table, cover-up, and slid it towards him. "It's one of Varric's tales - Sword and Shields. The latest chapter."
"The latest chapter?" Eri picked up the book and examined the cover and skimmed a couple of lines from the page she'd marked.
‘And he thrust his purple-headed warrior into her quivering warmth.’
"By the Gods, Cass, this is horrible."
Cassandra swallowed down her embarrassment. Other than Josie, IIyana was the only other person who knew of her guilty pleasure. "It's literature. Smut... literature. Whatever you do, don't tell Varric." She'd hoped that he'd understand why reading them was necessary by providing him some reasonable answer. "I only started reading them when I began looking for Hawke. As research."
By now, Eri was having a difficult time containing his amusement. To be honest, he was taken by surprise. Never in a million years would he had guessed that underneath the layers of icy glares and hardened steel was the heart of a romantic.
"They're terrible... and magnificent", Cassandra argued as Eri continued to chuckle with amusement.
"If it brings you any comfort," Eri said softly. "I don't like the captain either."
Cassandra gasped, eyes widening in a way that captured his attention. He'd never noticed how her hazel eyes softened the scar along her heart-shaped face.
"You've read them?" She asked eagerly.
"Of course - I started reading them when we first met. As research."
A frown quickly replaced her excitement. "You're mocking me."
"I wasn't,” Eri insisted. "I'm intrigued."
Cassandra snapped the book from his hands. "Pretend you don't know this about me," she growled as she stormed off—Eri's chuckle followed her every step of the way.
IIyana sensed him as soon as she stepped into the Fade. Leaning against one of the murals he'd painstaking created, Solas gave her a warm smile as she willingly entered his arms. His lips were warm, felt so real, as he greeted her with all the love he'd felt.
"Are you alright? Are you safe?" He asked, checking her for any signs of injuries.
"Yes," she chuckled softly. "Cassandra saved me in time."
Solas found no comfort in her words. "Where were Eri and Dorian? What were they doing that they couldn't protect you?"
"They were busy killing people, Solas."
He crushed her against his chest, his breathing heavy with worry.
She could hear the rapid beating of his heart and drew away to give him a loving smile. "I missed you."
"I've thought of nothing but you, the past two days," he whispered against her ear.
"Come to me in the Emerald Graves, and I'll show you just how much you're missed."
He flushed at her apparent desire and shook his head. "You're trying to distract me."
She pulled him in for another kiss. "Yes," IIyana whispered against his lips. "Let me distract you, Solas."
Her kiss becomes intoxicating, her touch intentional, as she pressed him against the wall. IIyana was aroused, and she didn't shy from it. She kissed the curve of his neck, then nibbled her way to his ear.
"I have a theory to test," she whispered. "But I need your help."
"I see," he moaned, in between kisses. He would have gladly said yes to anything IIyana suggested. "What can I help you with?"
"You, inside me," she said huskily, pleased when she felt his heart quickened, the Fade responding to her desire.
Solas drew her away, studying her quietly. “We shouldn’t. The Fade is a place of learning, a place of history, not a place to do such… things… with you, here. It would be inappropriate.
“Oh, what kind of things. The kind where you push me against that tree and take me in a heat of passion?”
“IIyana,” he said thickly. “Behave.”
"C'mon, Solas," she challenged, licking the side of his neck. "Break the rules for once."
Solas said nothing, but she could hear his harsh, uneven breathing.
She pressed closer. "Solas," IIyana whispered, but it sounded much like a moan. And as she spoke, her finger curled around him.
He inhaled once, long and hard. There was no mistake that he wanted her just as much as she wanted him. He considered pulling them both out of the Fade so as not to engage in such behaviors with her here. But the thought of making love to her, of having ‘Fade sex’ as she'd coined it, brought up erotic images of the two intertwined in various positions all over the realm. Even Solas had to admit it was spontaneously exciting.
"This conversation is not over," Solas said huskily and pinned her against the wall with lightning swiftness. His mouth found hers before she could utter a reply.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The Inquisitor was a pretty little thing with green eyes that sparkled when she smiled. She was cheerful one moment and playful the next, and it became more apparent with each passing day, why her elven mage was head over heels in love with her.
Too bad she wouldn’t live long enough to bid her lover good-bye.
Pagan moved back into the shadows, his eyes followed the Inquisitor as the other mage - Dorian - waved her over. The Tevinter was an idiot - so full of himself - yakking away like a gossiping woman. The mage said something which made the Inquisitor laugh, a bright, musical sound that drifted into the trees.It really was a shame that he'd have to kill her.Pagan had trailed the group for two days, observing their behaviors and routine. By now, he knew that the Inquisitor liked to wander off after battle to clear her head and wash the stench of blood off her body. He would have killed her last night if it weren't for her damn companions. The woman who hired him hadn't exaggerated when she said the Inquisitor would be well guarded. But that wouldn’t deter him - Pagan had no choice but to accept the challenge.A shadow moved to his right, and he caught a glimpse of the elven man - Eri - returning from his morning swim. Now that one - that one he needed to be careful of. The elf wasn't what he presented himself to be, and there was something dark and deadly underneath that charming facade. Yesterday, a chill ran up Pagan’s spine when the elf turned back to scan the trees where he hid. He'd convinced himself that it was just his nerves - that he'd drunk way too much the night before - but he couldn't help but wonder if he'd become the hunted. The sun was high by now, and Pagan used the shadows to carry himself back to his camp. He would bide his time. Then he would strike when she was vulnerable. "The next time Solas asks me to play match-maker, remind me to charge a considerable fee," Dorian huffed. He pulled a small package, wrapped in brown parchment paper and tied together with a white string, and handed it to IIyana. "Dorian!" She reached for the gift only to have him snatch it back. "How can you keep this from me.""Tsk, tsk. Now, now. I know you're excited, but it comes with instructions," he said and shook his head as she rolled her eyes, although he found her adorable. "First - he says to tell you that this isn't a toy and to handle it with care. Second - he says to tell you not to do anything reckless." "And third?""Does it matter? It's not like you listen to him anyway." IIyana tore at the paper like a little child on Wintersend morning, and gasped as she held the spirit blade in her hand. Touching the ornate cross-guard that spread out like a leaf, with an image of a Halla engraved in the center, she ran her hands across the beautifully crafted handle, her fingers tingling as she traced its leather bindings. It was apparent by the design and the careful attention to detail that Solas was responsible for its beautiful craftsmanship. It was breathtaking. It was more than IIyana could have ever hoped for. And she secretly wanted to cry - never had she received such a gift. She eyed Dorian wickedly, ignoring his widening eyes. With a flick of her wrist, IIyana summoned her magic, and the spirit blade exploded to life. Slashing it delicately at the air with a novice-like apprehension, she cursed excitedly as she pretended to stab her friend in the chest. Dramatically, Dorian clutches his chest, panting as if the life were draining out of him, stumbled back a few steps, and collapsed. The pair erupted into laughter. From afar, Eri watched with a warm smile. He didn't know what to make of the Inquisition, or the breach, or any of that shitty nonsense with Corypheus. But what Eri did know was that should he leave tomorrow, he would leave knowing that IIyana was in good hands. True to Fairbanks's word, the Red Templars resided at the Lion Pavilion with their leader. The documents found at the Villa had provided valuable information on their leader, and in coax to draw him out, the Inquisition had posed as a group of Freeman's attempting to reestablish contact. "Now that is one big motherfucker," Eri said softly as he spotted Carroll. He noted about ten Red Templars, three of which had lyrium crystals protruding from their bodies. "Must you always curse?" Cassandra blurted without thought. ”It's rude." "If I stopped cursing, who would lecture me on etiquette and propriety?"She growled. "As if that matters to you." ”I’m flattered you know me so well, Cass.” Eri gave her a charming smile that made her feel all warm inside. Cassandra cursed. Damnit. How she hated herself at the moment. They regrouped with the rest of their companions and moved out. The forest was dense in this part of the region, with shades of green covering the entire area. It was easy to get lost and lose track of their surroundings. Quietly, the group took out the archers and the group of Red Templars to the far right before spreading out towards the middle.IIyana separated from the group, flanking Eri to his left as she carefully moved around the perimeter, placing fire wards as traps for unsuspecting foes. She saw Blackwall move to the right of her, and from the opposite end, Iron Bull quietly held up two fingers, the tip of his horns pointing to the west. IIyana was working her way towards Cassandra when her instincts went off. She turned around as an arrow whistled passed, barely missing her face. Another one quickly followed it, all coming straight at her from an enemy she couldn't see.She fade-stepped away and rammed straight into a Red Templar. The noise triggered an alarm among the others, and within seconds, the quiet forest erupted into pandemonium. Stumbling back a couple of steps, IIyana cast a fire spell at her enemy to get him off her trail, followed by a frost spell. It did little to deter his attack. Eri caught sight of her engaging in battle, and his only thought was to aid her, he dodged a sword and rolled away, barely missing his head. The Red Templar had IIyana cornered, she casting several spells to no avail. Bending low, he rammed into the warrior's leg, and both of them fell to the ground.This only angered the Red Templar, who crushed a crystalized object against its chest, ingesting the red shards. Eri and IIyana stared in horror as the Red Templar began to choke, clawing at its neck as if it were suffocating. Muscled tightened, veins popping until he contorted and morphed into a monstrous creature. "Fuck. This. Shit," Eri yelled. "Run!" He yanked IIyana towards him, and they run straight into the thick of battle. "Iron Bull!"Bull's mallet crushed into a warrior's shield as he looked behind him, his eyes widening in excitement at the raging creature tearing through the battlefield after his two companions. "This one's mine, Boss!" IIyana saw Cassandra. She was backing a warrior into the wall while three fighters surrounded Blackwall. "Help Cassandra!" She ordered Eri, casting a barrier over him before sprinting towards Blackwall. She managed to cast a frost spell on two of them while from behind, one of her fire wards exploded."IIyaa! On your left!" Turning to deflect the attack, IIyanna was met with a blow to her right, sending her straight into a tree. Dazed, she staggered forward before falling to her knees. Blackwall's sword pierced straight into the Templar's chest before he could attack. "Damnit, IIyaa!" Eri roared, his daggers striking into the back of an enemy. "I told you on your left!""You mean your right!" She yelled back. "Get a better sense of direction, Eri!" "I can use some help over here!" Dorian demanded, providing defense for Cassandra. "I'm too pretty to die!"Cassandra struck down another then she fought her way to Dorian. He struck a Templar dead and immediately cast a necromancer spell, reviving the fallen creature to fight beside him. "Iron Bull needs help!" Dorian yelled, spotting their companion struggling against the monstrous creature. He returns to casting barriers and spells, protecting Cassandra as she slashed her way in Bull's direction.Eri's eyes widened as he witnessed Cassandra dissolved into chaos. She was pure madness. Her faith in the Maker was sound as she charged forth with the bravery of ten warriors. Cassandra and Iron Bull worked in sync to bring the giant Red Templar to its knees. Holy shit - Eri has never seen anything so beautiful. He thinks he may have fallen in love right then and there. Finally, Carroll emerged. IIyana saw him from the corner of her eye, and her breath caught in her throat. His sword swung high, ready to strike Dorian dead from behind.Without thought, IIyana sprinted forward, her thought was only to get to her friend. She cast a series of ice mines that exploded, while Blackwall came from behind. Another arrow landed with a thud at her feet, and she turned back towards the woods. Thinking it was an archer, she sent a spurt of magic into the trees, heard a cry of pain, and turned back to the fight. The group danced around Carroll, taking turns striking and avoiding his powerful swings. By now, a series of ice mines had been set, and as Carroll stepped on one, it triggered an explosion of freezing magic that encased him in a sheet of ice. Iron Bull slammed his mallet straight into the Templar's chest, his body exploding into a thousand bloody pieces. The battle was won. The Red Templars were defeated."Holy shit," Eri hissed, yanking IIyana into his arms, blood-stained and all. "Don't scare me like that again. The next time I tell you to move left, just move in the opposite direction.""Are we done now? Are we done now?" Dorian demanded, leaning against his staff for support. "I'm covered in blood and sweat, and I smell."Cassandra brushed the debris of battle from her armor and walked up the pavilion steps where a dozen crates of red lyrium were stacked into piles, some are carelessly tossed. She whistled to get the group's attention as she investigated the room. Along with the crates were also jewelry, painting, and reports."It looks like patrols of Red Templars have been deployed to the Hissing Waste. They also have a presence in Emprise du Lion," Cassandra explained as she handed the report to IIyana. Accepting the letter, IIyana cursed softly as it confirmed their greatest fears. "This is bigger than we could ever have imagined.""It is as I fear," Cassandra confessed as they mounted their horses. "The Seekers are not missing - Corypheus has done something to them. We must investigate this, IIyana, before we lose them, too."As the group gathered their gear and whatever information they could find about the Red Templars, IIyana's eyes landed on one of half a dozen arrows scattered where she'd stood in battle.Pulling the arrow free from the soft ground, she examined the quality of the shaft and the wood - unfamiliar to Feraldon. How did the Red Templars have access to such a fine piece of craftsmanship? Her curiosity was soon forgotten as Eri whistled for her to hurry."Good to see you again, Inqui -- what happened to your face?" Harding demanded when they arrived back at camp.IIyana touched the swore place on her jaw." Does it look bad?""She ran into a tree," Eri explained." She couldn't follow directions." Harding chuckled as IIyana punched him in the arm, earning her a very loud yelp from the elven man. She didn't look convinced but chose not to pursue the topic, only asking if she should include the injury in her report to Skyhold."No!" All men said simultaneously. Cassandra rolled her eyes." We were in the middle of battle - injuries are prone to happen.""If you want to tell Solas that we failed to protect IIyana, by all means, be my guest," Eri argued. "You don't want to relive Haven again, do you? Imagine how he'll react now."Cassandra scoffed, tossing her arms as if speaking to a child. "You have no room to talk - you weren't even there.""Oh, but I've heard about the stories - ‘Dark Days’ - that's what you all call it.""You both are ridiculous," IIyana laughed. "Just kiss already." "Please do - so that we can all stop pretending you're not attracted to one another," Dorian mumbled. He ignored Cassandra's death stare and headed into the camp. As they all headed to their tents, IIyana turned to Harding and said, "If you can provide us with fresh mounts and supplies, we'll be out of your hair by dawn." "I'll see to it. It'll snow soon, but if you leave at first light, you should be back in time for lunch the day after tomorrow.""That's all I want," IIyana moaned. "A nice, hot bath and a warm bed to lie upon." The excitement of seeing Solas and her appreciation for the spirit blade - along with the attention to detail he'd carefully crafted into the design - died upon IIyana's lips when he saw her swollen jaw. His thunderous expression shifted the Fade into a swirl of greys and blues, lightning reflecting the anger he carefully held at bay. "It's just a bruise, Solas," IIyana insists as he tilts her chin to the left, then right, angling it slightly to examine the bluish mark lining her jaw. Solas frowned. "You leave me for a week, and already you've sustained two injuries. What happened this time? Did you follow the plan or run straight into the heart of battle? And where were Eri and Dorian? They assured me you would be looked after. I knew I should have gone - this wouldn't have happened had I been with you. They can't protect you as I can.""You are completely discounting my ability to protect myself. And for the record, this injury came because I ran into a tree."It looked more like something big and powerful flung her across a tree from the extent of her injury. Solas' mind spiraled into a dozen scenarios, each resulting in IIyana severely hurt or worse, bleeding to death. "Of course, you would minimize the risks," he replied curtly. "You have no idea the danger you are in, just for being Inquisitor. Let alone a woman in the middle of battlefield surrounded by lyrium-infused templars who are twice your size."IIyana shook her head vehemently. "I cannot believe you think I'm some weak female who needs protection. It's a direct insult to my character and my ability to lead the Inquisition."Solas sighed in exasperation. She just didn't understand the risks that are involved. Didn't she know that the injury she sustained could have easily been worse? It could have been a concussion or worse, a fatal hit, and he wouldn't have known about it until the report arrived on his desk. The more he thought about it, the more furious he became. The muscle inside of his jaw flexed, a true indication of his anger. He looked ready to do battle.She wasn't the least intimidated. IIyana gently stroked his shoulders, then let the palms of her hands slowly slide down his arms. His body was stiff, rigid. She could feel the strength of his emotions under her fingertips. IIyana never took her eyes off him as she caressed him. And although she could see the anger in his eyes, she could also see his vulnerability. He was afraid for her. "I know you're worried, but I assure you, I'll be fine. I'm with good company," she promised. "And besides, I can take care of myself." Her false sense of security was all Solas needed to turn his mood black. "Of course you can," he muttered angrily. "You're the damn Inquisitor.""What the hell does that mean?""It's exactly what it means," Solas snapped. "You think you're invincible, but you're not - that bruise could have easily been your head. I will not allow you to run amok on the battlefield without anyone protecting you."Taken aback by his tone, she gave him a confused looked. "The last time I checked - you take orders from me.""Not when it involves your safety," he growled. "You're my mate, and I will do whatever I need to ensure your safety."Unsure of what was more surprising - that he'd called her mate or that he was utterly unreasonable - IIyana chose the safer route. "And how do you plan to stop me?""In whatever way, I can," Solas threatened. "Even if I have to go through Eri to get it done."Her eyes widened. She couldn't believe he'd said those words. His expression turned solemn, telling her he'd meant what he'd said. "That is low, Solas," she finally said, "even for you." Solas ignored her rising anger and stepped towards her, so close that she could feel his breath. "When it comes to your safety, I will dare anything."IIyana had no doubt Solas would follow through with his promise. He was too stubborn when it came to his protective nature, and although she appreciated his concern, there were times where it was just too much. She glanced away and shrugged. "I think - I think I should go," she said softly. "We have a long day of travel tomorrow."Solas stared at her for a long moment. There were a million things IIyana wanted to say, but she knew that nothing good would come from her anger. In a sense, Solas felt the same, a flurry of emotions flickered in his blue eyes, the Fade responding to the words he wouldn't say. Finally, he nodded. Despite the tension between the two, Solas held his hand out, waiting patiently. IIyana hesitated for a brief moment before lacing hers with his. Grasping firmly, if not gently, Solas leds her out of their dream.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The cold wind and rain was followed by a cold drizzle, which was followed by a wild and blustery storm, forcing IIyana and Co. to re-route towards the Emprise Du Lion, instead of the Hinterlands as they originally planned. Its snow-covered area was a cold and jagged environment was dotted with elven ruins, and despite its rich history, the area was unknown to the Inquisition. The group was careful not to raise any attention to themselves as they entered its borders.
IIyana was as unsettled as the weather, and she was in a mood for the rest of the day. The memory of her conversation with Solas from the previous night set her heart racing.
‘You're my mate, and I will do whatever I need to ensure your safety.’
‘And how do you plan to stop me?’
‘In whatever way I can, even if I have to go through Eri to get it done.’
His decreed angered her. It was bad enough that he didn't trust her to protect herself. It was unbearable to have her sexy lover turn into an overall protective, hot-headed, stubborn ass, rather than a supportive and loving partner. Yet- Solas wasn't wrong in his assessment. Being Inquisitor did expose her to new threats every day, let alone a crazed demigod hell-bent on destroying their world. And, she'll never admit this to him, else he’ll never let her leave the gates of Skyhold, but being Inquisitor did make her feel invincible, unstoppable, and at times, dangerously fearless.
But it also empowered her in ways that went beyond stealth and power. It liberated her voice. IIyana no longer felt helpless, dependent, or voiceless. She now stood tall, powerful, and surrounded by men who welcomed and respected her ideas. A thought she would have laughed at had she'd still been with her clan.
Ironically, Solas was the reason she was so confident in her ways. It was his fault, really, the blistering ways he held her with contempt at the beginning of their relationship. He was the reason why she developed a razor-sharp tongue to defend herself, and a rebellious urge to behave opposite of his wishes. She wondered if he would be happy to learn that he’d single-handedly manufactured his own crisis.
"A man has a duty to protect the ones he loves," Blackwall said later that afternoon. "You won't be able to convince him otherwise."
"I appreciate him looking out for me," IIyana insisted. "But sometimes, Solas gets in his head and makes decisions for the both of us without considering my input. Then expects me to drop everything and follow him blindingly - it drives me insane.”
"He's trying to keep you safe in whatever way he can,” Blackwall explained.
"Sounds more like he’s trying to domesticate me,” she argued.
“I doubt anyone can domesticate you,” Eri smirked. “It’s not in your nature.”
IIyana scoffed. “I can be family material if I wanted to be.”
“Not with your cooking.”
“By the Gods, Eri - whose side are you on?” IIyana demanded.
“What?” Eri shrugs. “Someone has to look out for our poor Solas. We both know you can’t boil water. And the Warden’s right, that man is going to do all in his power to keep you safe.”
“But I'm the Inquisitor,” IIyana protested. “My job puts me at risk every day."
"Doesn't mean he has to like it," Blackwall countered.
"He stopped seeing you as Inquisitor a long time ago, Boss," Iron Bull said from behind her. “Since Haven.”
IIyana turned to Iron Bull and gave him a frown, surprised at how supportive he was of Solas' stance. "And when did you become team-Solas?"
“Since we started playing chess,” Bull laughed. "And in case you’re curious, I’m on the side that won't send demons after me for failing to protect you."
IIyana released a defeated sigh. "He recruited you, too?"
"He threatened all of us." Iron Bull added.
"Look at it from this perspective," Blackwall continued. "When you think of Solas, what comes to mind? Fade expert? Mage?”
“Hobo mage,” Dorian crackled.
IIyana shook her head." None of those things come to mind when I think of Solas. He is so much more than that - he is warm and passionate, loving, loyal -"
"Exactly,” Blackwall agreed. “You don't see him as we do.”
"What do you mean?"
"I guess what I am trying to say is that when Solas tells you he is worried about your safety, he's not speaking to the Inquisitor. He's speaking to his woman.”
With mixed feelings of pleasure and frustration, IIyana admitted that when she placed herself in Solas's position, Blackwall made an excellent point. Because if it were her, she would react in the exact same way. Perhaps Solas' dictating ways were a way to protect his own fears for her safety.
Damn it, did this mean she was not going to have to deal with an overbearing Solas from now on? The thought was already stifling. Alright, she’ll tell him tonight that she understood why he is worried. But she’ll start first by breaking it to Solas that he couldn't dictate her life. She'll be gentle when she tells him she won't stand for it. She may even have to remind him that she was his boss. IIyana bit back a smile as she imagined his expression. He'd lose his temper, of course. Perhaps throw in an insult or two, guessing now that it was a way of protecting himself. No, she wouldn't mind it at all, because, at the end of the day, the reason was also simple to understand.
‘He'd called her his mate.’
They set a ruthless pace and made several stops along the way when IIyana, exhausted from travel, gave the signal to stop once they neared the border.
"Blackwall, can you teach me to fight with a sword? When we get back to Skyhold." IIyana asked as the group set up camp for the evening. "And Iron Bull, I also want to learn how to punch the life out of someone."
"You got it, Boss."
"I'm a brutal taskmaster, and I'll work you long and hard until you're ready to cry for mercy," Blackwall stated. "I'll expect the same form you and I expect of our men."
IIyana nodded while Eri asked if they'll need Solas' permission.
"I am my own person, I don't need his permission to do anything," IIyana insisted.
"Really?" Eri countered. "Remember what happened before he sent us off? Solas threatened to cut off my balls should anything happen to you."
"The man's rather dramatic," Dorian stated.
"And you wouldn’t want to cross him," Blackwall added.
Iron Bull shrugged. "More like hot-headed, but only when it comes to you, Boss."
IIyana laughed. "You all are being ridiculous.”
They all gave her an astute stare.
"Enough teasing," Cassandra announced, dropping bedrolls onto the ground. "Let's finish setting up camp. I'm sure we all can use a good night's sleep."
Entering the Fade, Sola's took the familiar path leading into the dense forest, past land of rivers, and fields of flowers, until he arrived at the front entrance of
Tarasyl'an Te'las.
Stretched across the Frostback Mountains, the fortress was as magnificent as he remembered - every stone and every square pulsed with magic, with sunlight casting into the fortress, giving it an ethereal feel. It was the closest thing he had left to who he was before the fall.
He stopped when he arrived in the rotunda. Instead of a mural depicting the Inquisition as he'd done in the real world - here, the walls were aligned with their story - his and IIyana’s. He was afraid that if he didn’t capture their memories, he would forget who she was and that was a thought he couldn’t fathom.
The first was a painting of Solas studying the anchor while she slept after she was found at the Temple of Ashes. While he held vigil, Solas had wondered what color her eyes were. The second was when he held her hand to close the breach. He’d told her this was the moment when he felt the whole world change. What he didn’t add was that this was the first time he’d felt connected in a long time.
The third - and perhaps his favorite - happened the day they headed into the Hinterlands to place flowers on Seanna’s grave. It was the first time he saw IIyana as a woman and admitted to himself that if he weren't careful, he could lose himself. The forth was when he found her in the Fade after Haven. There were several more, each following Adamant, their first night together, ending with the latest one he'd only finished a few nights ago.
It was a painting of him, knee-deep in water, staring into the amber streaks of dawn. It wasn't a memory he shared with her but a rather old one - the morning after he'd awaken from uthenera to find his world destroyed. Stricken with loss, he'd wandered for days, hopeless, unsure of where he was headed, only focused on walking until land met water. Just when he'd given up hope, the streaks of dawn cast itself upon him, and the most beautiful sunrise he'd ever witnessed filled him with peace, and suddenly, he knew then what he needed to do.
This feeling of warmth and purpose - this was how he felt every time IIyana looked at him.
Solas thought back to their last encounter and he shrugged. He'd let it slip that she was his mate and he wonders if he’d scared her. Yet, he couldn't deny how easily the words came or how naturally they felt upon his lips.
IIyana Lavellan.
His vhenan.
His mate.
The mother of his children.
The last thought had Solas holding his breath until his chest hurt. To imagine him, at such an old age, chasing after a young daughter, or taking her fishing was ridiculous. When he released it, it was unsettling how calm he felt. What was he getting himself into? If he weren't careful, he'd have three little ones running around.
Making his way upstairs, Solas was greeted by a series of corridors, each lined with doors, each warded shut by spells. A concept he’d constructed to hold his memories. Locating the one from last night, he stepped into the room and, with a flick of his wrist, pulled the conversation he had with IIyana from the night before.
Solas watched himself paced back and forth, grimaced at his reaction, noting how tight and angry he'd appeared. Poor IIyana, the amount of stress he must have put her under. He saw her protest, defending herself, holding back her anger, and shook her head at whatever nonsense he was ranting about. Then finally, as the memory came closer towards the end, he frozed the image, playing it frame by frame, from the moment the word mate left his lips.
"She is surprised, scared. Mate. Mate. The word was never her name, but you make it sing." Cole said as he appeared, his voice is soft as if he too were reliving the moment. "She is afraid you will ask. She is afraid you won't ask."
"Cole," Solas said softly, no longer annoyed that the spirit had once again invaded his thoughts. "I'm afraid your presence brings me no comfort."
Cole turned to look at Solas. "But she'll say yes. You only have to ask. Just look."
The frame stopped just as IIyana looked at Solas, who happened to be in the middle of turning around as he paced back and forth. And in the light of the Fade, Solas received his answer. A brief second of pure love, followed by an emotion he could only describe as a mixture of awe and joy, quickly followed by a softening of her expression.
He wished he knew what she was thinking at that moment.
"Master Solas?"
The voice was but a whisper but he heard it call to him from across the Fade.
"Master Solas? Are you awake?" The voice continued, followed by a soft knock that brought him back to the present. “I’m sorry to bother you, but it’s Josephine.”
Annoyed with the interruption, Solas pulled himself from the Fade. It took him a moment to gather his surroundings before he tossed his blankets aside. He was surprised to find a nervous Josephine pacing the hall. "Ambassador," Solas frowned. "Is everything alright? Is it IIyana?”
“No!” Josie insisted. “The Inquisitor is fine and will be home by tomorrow evening.” She gave him an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry for disturbing your sleep."
"I'm sure it was an emergency," Solas reassured with a smile.
“It’s the Commander,” Josie quickly blurted. “IIyana asked me to keep an eye on him and I thought everything was fine until this morning. He looked tired this morning. Feverish thirty minutes ago. He’s not well.”
"Tell me what happened.” Solas said as he closed the door to his chamber. They made their way downstairs to the rotunda and out towards the battlements to Cullen’s office.
Josie sighed. "He is in a state of supreme agitation. He left our meeting early, complaining of a headache and when I checked on him, his body raved with chills. But it isn't the fever."
Solas didn't need to ask to understand that it must have been a desperate situation for Josephine to have sought him out.
"How long has he been like this?" He asked as they entered Cullen's chamber.
"Since this evening," came Vivienne's unexpected reply.
If Solas was surprised to see the enchantress here, he didn't show it. He climbed up the ladder to find her struggling to hold Cullen down, the covers twisted at his feet. Sweat beaded his brow as he moved his head from side to side, mumbling underneath his breath.
Cullen's eyes opened, blurry with confusion. "You - mage," he growled at Solas, pushing away from Vivienne. "Stay away from me!"
The three of them manage to restain Cullen long enough for Solas to cast a sleeping spell and within seconds, he went limp, his mind drifting into a safe place within the Fade.
"He'd been tapering off of lyrium," Josie explained. She pulled the blanket up to cover Cullen's chest. "But as of late - I'm not sure if he's used any. I found a couple of empty bottles this evening, and I'm not sure if he'd -"
"I understand," Solas gave her a reassuring smile. "We'll do what we can to ease his discomfort. In the meantime, if you can help me with some supplies —"
"Whatever you need," Josie quickly replied.
"I didn't have the heart to tell Josephine that our dear commander was having withdrawals," Vivienne confessed after Josie had left to gather supplies. Taking a wet cloth, she gently wiped Cullen's brows.
"So you sent for me instead," Solas stayed. "Why, may I ask?"
Vivienne stopped what she was doing and gave Solas a knowing stare. “I’m not malicious, Solas. Calculated, yes, but never malicious. Your healing skills surpass mine.”
After Josephine returned with the supplies Solas requested, he and Vivienne worked into the night, taking turns to help Cullen release the remaining lyrium from his body. By the time his body calmed, the sun had already crept into the room, signaling the morning hour.
"You should head to bed," Solas told Vivienne. "I'll stay here until Lady Josephine returns."
She didn't respond, only nodded that she'd heard him. Stepping unto the ladder, she placed one foot on the descending step, then another, and as her body gradually disappeared, Vivienne gradually came to stop when she heard Solas say. "I prefer we keep this between the three of us. He doesn't need to know I was here."
Surprisingly, Vivienne didn't protest, only gave him a curious glance as if she were seeing him for the first time. Solas bid her goodbye and returned to his task of caring for Cullen. From behind, her voice was soft, with a hint of acceptance. "After the Winter Palace, I warned her that men like you never change... You will be pleased to learn that I was wrong."
Her words lingered in the air between them - an unexpected alliance that neither will admit to.
Morning found Cullen feeling better, although whatever horrors awaited him in the Fade did not subside. Trapped in a nightmare, he thrashed, moaned softly, trying to escape whatever was haunting him. "No," Cullen moaned desperately. "Leave me. Leave me!
Solas leaned forward and placed his hand upon Cullen's forehead. Despite feeling cool, he was sweating, terror tracing the lines on his usually calmed features. Magic hummed between Solas’ fingers and seconds later, Cullen fell into another peaceful sleep. The door creaked below, signaling that Josie had returned. On the way back to his room, a sheet of paper on Cullen's desk caught Solas' attention.
It was a list - five names in total. All listed were those already acquainted with the Inquisition - Blackwall, Cassandra, and three others he didn't recognize, along with a brief description of their character. To his surprise, Solas found his name scribbled in a small paragraph towards the end of the page:
Should the names provided fall short of your expectations, may I suggest you seek Solas' counsel in seeking my replacement. My reasons are as follows:
Solas' expertise in the Fade is invaluable to the Inquisition and he hasn't taken advantage of it. Most would have demanded some compensation for their services or have been corrupted by the power in which such a situation would have granted him.
He is intelligent, someone who believes in cause and effect; he will not be swayed by his faith when the time comes to make decisions that most will find challenging—especially where the Chantry is involved.
He is elven - yet he does not identify with the Dalish or the City Elves and lacks the prejudice most feel towards the Humans and other races. I sometimes think he is indifferent.
Despite his intimate relationship with the Inquisitor, he is not blinded by his romantic feelings
Solas is a man of integrity.
Surprised, if not speechless, Solas read the last sentence a couple of times before placing the letter back. He never quite understood why IIyana held Cullen in such high esteem, or why she’d fought so hard to try to get him to stay, but Solas' last thought as he reached the rotunda was that he was beginning to see it, too.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Cullen woke up in a haze of pain, not only from emotional wounds but in his head and bones and joints. He was dying. He was sure of it. His body was dry and burning as if the fires of hell had trapped beneath his skin, and he twisted in useless attempts to escape the heat.Suddenly, a pair of gentle hands descended on him, and a wet cloth pressed over his face. A hiss of relief escaped his lips as the cold cloth moved over him in long strokes. But he persisted with desperation as his tormented mind trapped him in a case of horror and dread. He reached out to grasp the source of coolness, squeezing into flesh and digging desperately into skin. "Get away… from me," Cullen hissed. His voice carried little weight. It was too dry, too rasped from dehydration. "Be still, Commander. Let me help you." It was Solas' voice, breaking through the writhing madness.Grasping weakly, Cullen fell back into the mattress, the cold cloth moving over him in long strokes, a temporary ease from the torment. Each soothing pass served to calm him until he was able to lie quietly beneath his care. "Solas," he said hoarsely. Solas paused to slip a cup of water between his lips. "Commander."Cullen's pried opened one eye, never imagining it could hurt so much to do something so significant. The water was fresh and healing, and he drank thirstily at the liquid, ignoring the pain that his movement caused. When he was done, he eased back into the pillows, staring at the ceiling above. The room was dark, except for the daylight that came from the rafters above, and a chilling breeze swept through the cracks of the collapsing roof."Am I dying?" Cullen rasped.Solas arched a brow, "I would hope not.” "How long?" "This is the third day. If you can turn to your right yes." With his back partly exposed, Solas bathed his aching shoulders and down his spine, and he groaned softly. He vaguely recalled the other times Solas had done this… his application was gentle… his words soothing. While his body shook with chills, Solas covered him with a blanket; other times, like last night, his nausea was soothed away with honey and tea."What happened?" Cullen summoned all his strength to turn his head on the pillow to look at Solas."Lyrium withdrawal." Solas replied. "The worst is over - your body has purged the rest from its system, and you should be able to resume your duties by the end of the week. I recommend avoiding solid foods until your stomach settles." But whatever Solas saw in Cullen's face gave him pause.What wasn't spoken out loud was the recovery Cullen will have to endure in the next couple of days, perhaps weeks, depending on the severity of his intake. They both knew the poisonous effects of lyrium dependency. It was excruciating. Painful. The substance soaked into skin, muscle, then bone and blood. Once embedded, the mind craves for it like a man drowning at sea, praying for a lifeline. Beneath brown eyes feathered by golden lashes, was an emotion Solas knew all too well - shame.Never in Cullen's conscious mind would he ever permit anyone to see him in this state - to be crippled by lyrium and left vulnerable. Exposed. But Solas knew the depths of his despair, the pain he'd tried to hide from everyone else, the pain that only he and a select few knew. To Cullen's eternal humiliation, his breath caught in a shallow sob of despair. Unsure of how to help, Solas reached for compassion but remembered he'd sent Cole into the Fade to let an angry IIyana know he'd miss her again. Instead, he gave Cullen the words that IIyana would give herself, were she here.“Whatever is going on with you, we’ll figure it out together,” Solas says quietly. “IIyana doesn’t have to know.” Cullen turned his head, tears of anguish already lining his lashes. Using the last of his strength, he managed a simple nod before whatever herb mixture Solas had given lured him back to sleep. "How is he?" Josie asked an exhausted Solas when he entered her office to update her on Cullen's health."He'll be fine."Relieved, she felt tears gathered at the corner of her eyes, tasted salt at the back of her throat. Swallowing it back, she said in a steady voice, "Thank you, Solas. You didn't have to help and - and I -”To her surprise, his expression softened. "It was complete selfishness on my part," he admitted. "IIyana is displeased with me at the moment. I'm afraid earning her forgiveness in whatever way I could, topples my feelings towards the Commander." "Oh dear, what did you do?""To be honest, I have no idea. But I suspect she’ll be angry with me if she discovered I did nothing while Cullen suffers.""Whatever you did, you'll be forgiven the moment she arrives home.""I hope so. For all of our sakes." Solas smiled. "For such a little thing, IIyana scares me."Josie chuckled at his stricken face. "She is quite bossy.""And too stubborn for her own good.""But you love her," Josie said gently."Yes." Solas surprised them both with his admission. "Very much." The expression on his face reminded Josie of the way Blackwall would often look at her - a mixture of awe and wonder. Josie's heart warmed. She wasn't sure how to properly thank Solas, so she provided him with an update on IIyana and Co."I received notice this morning that IIyana and the group rerouted to the Emprise Du Lion due to inclement weather," Josie said. "They plan to wait out the storm then head home. The message was dated a day ago.""Which means they'll be home tomorrow evening," Solas sighs."Yes. But at least the extra day will give you plenty of time to prepare," Josie hints. "I'll place a rush order for frilly cakes if that helps.""You're a saint, Lady Josephine." Later that night, the tavern floor was packed with patrons, and the mood was festive and loud. Maryden's voice could be heard to the cheerful melody of the words, ‘she would always like to say, why change the past, when you could own this day?’ A group of new visitors - merchants from Val Royeaux - huddled around the table in the back while four barmaids carried pitchers of ale and platters of food to their hungry guests.The lively music and joyful banter surrounded Solas as he surveyed the room and found Varric sitting by the fire. "What did you do to the Inquisitor this time?" Varric greeted as Solas slid into the seat across from him. "I received several messages yesterday, all warning of dark days to come."Solas rolled his eyes. "Will they never let me forget?""Hell no," Varric laughed, "Not as long as Dorian breathes. He said IIyana was in a mood and to prepare everyone."Solas frowned. It was fair to say that no one, including himself, missed the days when he and IIyana went out of their way to spite one another. Every moment afterward was spent throwing insults, passive remarks, and upon occasion, childish behaviors that left him wondering where his discipline had gone. "What else did he say? Is she well? Still hurt, perhaps?""You'd know if you'd visited her in the Fade.'"I had other pressing matters to attend to."Varric laughed. "The irony of the situation is one for the books." Noting the sheets of scattered paper across the table, Solas asked. "What are you writing? Another Hightown chapter, perchance?” He leaned closer. Curious. “By the end of the last one, almost every character is revealed as a spy or a traitor."Unexpectedly surprised, Varric replied, "Wait, you read my book?""It was in the Inquisition library,” Solas shrugged. “Everyone but Donnen turned out to be in disguise. Is this common?""Are we still talking about books, or are you asking if everyone I know is a secret agent?""Are there any --" A loud commotion by the stairs broke their conversation mid-sentence. A hairy, burly man of about six feet tumbled down the stairs and landed with a heavy thud. Sera followed closely behind, bow and arrow drawn in hand. "You fucking bitch!" he roared. "Touch me again, and I'll shoot you in the nuts," Sera growled. The entire room fell silent during that moment. The Chargers, who were seated at a table by the bar, stood up, eyes glaring at the men who'd taken liberties with their friend. Angry that he's been humiliated, the stranger scrambled to his feet and ran full-bore towards the stairs. Solas and Varric, along with the Chargers were on their feet in seconds. Having faded-stepped between Sera and her aggressor, Solas caught the man's flying fist with his palm while his other fist flew with a quickness that set Varric’s heart aflame. Despite his quick reflexes, pain exploded in Solas’ wrist, sending a shock wave up his arm. There was a blur of movement as the strangers' comrades rushed to their friend's defense, grappling, cursing, and exchanging punishing blows with the Chargers. All the while, a crowd of enthusiastic men cheered, shouting advice, trading odds, and explaining excitement over the speculation of the Inquisition sprawling with outsiders.“You should watch your tongue," Solas growled, holding the bleeding man by the throat. "Now apologize to Sera.""Or what?" He hissed painfully, blood dripping from his broken nose. "Or we send you and your stupid britches back to the Winter Palace in pieces," Sera hissed. She drew another arrow; the wood tightened around her hand. The man didn't answer quickly enough for Solas. They emerged victorious - if not for a few scrapes and bruises and a bleeding lip or two. Solas wasn't one to get into bar fights. His discipline prevented him from reacting like a raging youth, but when men, especially drunken men with lewd manners, disrespect the woman in his life, his inner demons come out. "Holy shit, Chuckles. I didn't take you for a brawler.""Remind me next time not to engage in the folly of youth," Solas grimaced as Sera placed ice beneath his eye."Inky won't like this," she stated. The punch he took to the face was already swelling; it would darken into a purple hue later this evening. "Can't you use magic to heal your face?""No," Solas scoffed, "it's the reward earned for defending a woman's honor.""Eh - save that for the Lady Inquisitor." Sera gagged as if that was the most disgusting thing she'd ever heard. "What did she do to you? You changed. You're more --""Agreeable? Nice? Polite? Took a turn for the worse?" Varric laughed. "That's what happens when the right woman comes into your life."Solas arched his brow. "Are we speaking from experience, Varric? You seemed — Ow! Careful, Sera.""Stop moving!" She growled. Sera didn't know how to take care of a bleeding person, but the Egg did defend her against those stupid lots. If it killed her, she'd be nice, at least for a second."Ah, Bianca," Varric continued. "The one that got away."Turning at the softness of Varric’s voice, Solas arched a brow. "You named your bow after a woman?" "It's the only one who hasn't left me yet," Varric grins." Now that you're all patched up, how about a round of cards? To celebrate our success?""I'm not much of a gambling man anymore," Solas confessed." But I wouldn't mind sharing a drink." By the time Solas entered the Fade - it was well past midnight. IIyana's presence was stronger than usual, almost intoxicating, like a drug-infused dream. When it became unbearable, he stopped, taking a deep breath to refocus, separating dreams, memories, and desires, until he found her aura. It melted into his skin. Anger, frustration, despair, hurt, rage - a mixture of vulnerability and strength rolled into one. It crashed into Solas like the uncharted waters of the Amarantine just before a storm. It was relentless. It tried to break him. The fabric of the Fade shifted, and Solas found himself at the bank of a frozen stream, with snow-covered trees stretching to the sky above. The sunny weather did little to ease the nagging feeling that it was too quiet. She must have just left. He sighs. He hated that she was angry. He hated that he hadn't been able to see her to explain what had kept him from the Fade. Even more, he hated the idea that she'd think he was passive, as their last meeting didn't end well. When he arrived at the water's edge, Solas had expected - hoped - he would still find IIyana waiting for him. Instead, he found Cole."Cole," Solas sighed. "I've asked you to stay out of my dreams."Cole, whose eyes were usually blue and bright, widened into glassy specs underneath his oversized, brimmed hat. His gaze focused on Solas.Waiting. Listening. Then. "Everything was so loud."If the emotions he felt earlier when he entered the Fade were any recollection of IIyana’s wrath, Solas could empathize with Cole. "Sometimes, it helps to focus on what is around you." "But… what is here?""Dreams, emotions, desires," Solas explained. "It's easy to get swept up in them if you don't focus. Turn your attention to what you feel. Try to imagine the ground beneath your feet, the energy of magic as it touches your skin."Cole closed his eyes and swayed gently as if dancing to a silent song only he could hear. The Fade began to ripple, taking shape into whatever it was Cole had latched on to. A gentle pulse. A rapid beat. Then the fabric of the Fade shifted to a snow-covered field Solas had never seen before."Walk with me," Cole said. "She is calling to me. And I want to help.”Taking cue, Solas walked next to Cole as the two passed by overgrown trees, frozen rocks, and icy streams. They continued through a forest until they came to a small ravine, where Cole suddenly stopped.His eyes were unfocused as he stared into the distance.Silent. Listening."What do you see, Cole?"Silent. Silent. Listening."Cole."Silent. Listening. Listening. Listening. Then. The Fade stills - every voice, every dream, every desire all goes quiet. ”A serpent in the dark stalks its prey. He waits, waits, is patient. Just how his father taught him to be. Be patient - the prize awaits. Bright. Bright. She is bright. Like the stars that twinkle on a starry night."The Fade vibrates, every fiber of its fabric stretches, pulls, tightens, just like when Sera places an arrow to bow and strings back."Control your emotions, Cole, ” Solas warned."I can't," Cole said," The voices - they’re not mine.”Anger hummed and the Fade ripped. Before it ends, a scream echoes. It sang and pulled Solas forward, and the force crashing into him - emotions that are foreign, emotions that are familiar - all swirled into an orb of chaos that splinters and cracks. Solas' head snapped to Cole as his eyes became unfocused, and he began to ramble.“Something whistled across the sky. It lands. Thud, like when Sera first said hello. But there is no red ribbon this time. Another one! It lands near but misses. She is relieved. But something stalks her. A pain to the face - ahhh, it hurts. It’s not her fault he is so quick.”At the farthest corner of the forest, the sky began to crack, spreading across the horizon, splintering dreams from reality. Whatever emotions Cole was feeling intensified and the ground began to shake. “Cole!” Solas hissed, trying to manage his own emotions so as not to tear apart the entire dream. "Focus! You'll tear through the veil!" "No, no, no, no, no!" Cole cried. “You’re going the wrong way!”Suddenly, Coles' usually serene face twisted in pain. “She is lost, alone, afraid. She thought you would find her, but blood follows her every step, and she is - Dear gods, how could I be so helpless?”Consumed by a nagging suspicion, Solas asked thickly, “Cole - who are you trying to help?”But Cole doesn’t hear them. He was lost in a trance, swept away in emotions that weren’t his own. He mimicked her pain, her cries, his breath shallow as he rambled incoherently.Fear prickled at Solas' spine. His instincts nagged, screamed, the voices are becoming louder and louder, just like Cole’s. He thought he was going to be sick. But Cole’s next words freeze him in place, his blood running cold. “IIyaa!" Coles howled like a caged animal. "There is too much blood. He can’t stop the bleeding. So much of it runs through his hands. He begs her to stay with him. He has forsaken the Gods, hands held up in prayer. But he doesn’t know that praying won’t work. The Gods - they are locked away. They can’t hear.”Everything stops. Stands still.The Fade stretches into an eerie silence. “Cole,” Solas finally whispers. His voice is thick, laced with weariness and a sickening dread. “Is IIyana alive?”It takes Cole a lifetime to answer. “For now.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Solas was livid. “How the hell did this happen. You were supposed to protect her!” he roared, grabbing Dorian by the collar of his shirt, having no care for his injury. Dorian bit back his anger and steeled himself against the mage’s rage. The expression on Solas’ face sent a dread of chill down his spine. “How many times do I have to repeat myself,” he sneered. “We. Were. ATTACKED!.”Disbelief contorted Solas’ features. He could not speak. He should have known better than to send IIyana off with them. He should have known better than to trust they could protect her. Blackwall moved between Dorian and Solas before the two men came to blows. “Back off, Solas. Dorian is sick with worry. The attack was not his fault,” he said harshly, placing a hand on Solas’ shoulder. “If anyone is to blame, it’s the red templars that attacked us.”Solas shook his head, a look of great bitterness swept across his face, and he gripped Dorian’s shirt tightly, his fingers curling around the fabric. Anger simmered, hot and unstoppable in his gut, like a blazing inferno that wanted him to burn from the inside out. What Blackwall had said was obvious, yet he could not, would not, for the life of him, forgive Dorian. He had given explicit instructions that IIyana was to be watched. He’d stressed the danger she was in for being Inquisitor. He turned from the mage, uncaring of his hurt. Fenedhis, if anything happened to IIyana ….Word of the attack arrived at Skyhold less than a day ago, where Josie had delivered the news herself. Solas has been frantic and immediately left for the Emprise Du Lion, pausing only to pack his gear and inform Varric and Sera of where he was going and why. The pair, along with the Chargers, had decided to join him instantly. Josie sent word to Harding to move her team North while Leiliana sent field agents to scout the area. Solas had practically killed his horse to arrive there by dawn. He’d only arrived a moment ago and his stomach dropped at the sight of the desolate camp. Bodies of Red Templars were piled in the far corner, surrounded by coal, wood, and oil combustion, as if grenades had been randomly tossed into the camp. The familiar green tents laid broken and scattered to the far right, some shredded as if a huge animal had gone berserk and tried to claw its way in. He was nearly red with rage.”Release me at once,” Dorian said acidly, snapping Solas back to reality.Iron Bull took a step forward. “Let him go, Solas." His chest was covered with blood, a wound to his right side. But his deadly eyes warned he’d still have enough fight in him for one more round. Solas sneered. “You better pray to your Maker that IIyana is still alive.” He pushed Dorian away and stalked off in the opposite direction of the camp, heading towards the area's snow-covered forest. Dorian bit back the curse he would have roared in response and shrugged off his anger by straightening his clothes. While the group watched their companion disappear, Varric gave Dorian a glance over and grimace. The mage’s usually pristine clothes were stained with dirt, it’s ends caked with mud, and the wound on his shoulder was held tightly by bandages that had been torn from one of his shirts. But it was the look in his eyes that gave Varric pause. Varric had seen the look of hidden despair one too many times. Hell, he’d felt it himself after Adamant when Hawke sacrificed himself in the Fade. He threw his friend a concerned look after Blackwall and Iron Bull joined Sera with packing up whatever was left of the camp. “Sparkles … you okay?” “Of course,” Dorian scoff, running a hand through his hair. “Why wouldn’t I be? Did you see what he just did right there? No fucking manners. Utter savagery. Who the hell does he think he is to grab me, ME, by the neck?”Varric didn’t miss the slight crack in Dorian’s voice as he rambled on. But what he didn’t say, Varric caught with his writer’s eye. Dorian was upset, barely holding by a thread. Worse, he blamed himself for what had happened.“Look, Sparkles. What happened. It wasn’t your fault. And there isn’t anything you could have done differently,” Varric added.Dorian ignored his companion and stared off into the distance. He was tired and exhausted, and he could really use a drink right now. Though he appeared calm and collected, his breath hitched. Painfully. “That feeling you’re feeling right now?” Varric continued. “That’s pure hopelessness and defeat. It has a way of fucking with your mind if you let it. And then the guilt hits - eats away at you. Piece by piece. You’re going to want to hit something, hurt someone, even punish yourself for things you think you could have done,” Varric frowned. “But it won’t change the fact that your friend isn’t here with you right now.”You’re not helping, Varric," Dorian rasped. A memory flashed in his mind and he grimaced as his wound pulsated with pain.Dorian! Hold on! I’m coming! IIyana running across the battlefield to get to his side because he’d been careless and had been struck down. Soft hands pressed into his shoulder, green eyes telling him to hang on. Magic seeping into his skin. He’d seen the shadow appear, couldn't get the warning out in time as the blade struck her flesh, then she was dragged into the woods. At Dorian’s haunted expression, Varric placed a comforting hand on his friend’s back. ”What do you need, Sparkles." ”I need a glass of wine, ” Dorian finally replies. ”I have a bottle of brandy in my bag if you’d like to join me.” “Ferelden or Orlais?”“Neither. It’s a Kirkwall blend. A small batch I personally make myself.””Is it worse than Dragon’s Breath?” Dorian asked. “Much worse.””Good. I can use a stiff drink. Anything to prevent me from going after that asshole and giving that dick the beating he deserves.” By mid-morning, Solas still had not returned. Sera and Blackwall both drew the short straws and were sent after him, but Leiliana and her scouts arrived before their departure. She quickly learned that the group had been attacked during the early hours the day before, and she stated at the three men who failed in their duty to protect their leader. “Tell me again what happened.”“First, the wards went off, followed by flaming arrows and elemental attacks,” Dorian said. “Our tents were in flames before we knew what was happening,” Iron Bull added. “By the time we figured we were under attack, the red templars had entered our camp.”“What happened next?” Leilana said drily.“Two groups, coming from there and there,” Blackwall made a gesture with his hand appointed to north and south. “Followed by archers from east and west.” “It was a coordinated attack, meant to snuff us out,” Iron Bull concludes.“Or a distraction to get IIyana alone.” Leiliana opened her eyes and pinned them a deathly stare. For the first time since joining the Inquisition, the men understood why she was called the Nightingale. “I want to know everything - who you encounter, who you spoke with, who you helped, in the Emerald Graves.” “Blackwall.”“Yes, Sara.”The two were making their way down a wooden path, taking care to avoid the ice that had hardened from the rain before. Clutching her jacket closer around her frame, Sera gripped the fabric tightly, her fingers numb with cold, as the two walked side by side.“Do you think IIyana is okay?”Blackwall slowed his pace and Sera looked at her friend. He thought back to the night before when he'd seen an arrow fly passed IIyana, slicing through her tunic, catching the skin. Blood had spread crimson red on her shirt, the pattern inked into the fabric like the flowers he'd often seen in Orlais.“She is alive,” Blackwall said quietly. He wasn't sure who he was trying to convince. “How do you know?”“Because Solas’ wrath is more horrifying than death. Knowing IIyana, she would find a way to live, Sera,” Blckawall reassured. “I do not doubt that.” “I hope so. Inky promised we’ll pull pranks on Cullen when she got back.” Both suddenly grinned and gave each other small but sad smiles.Sera stared off into the distance, lost in thought as they continued walking. Her mind swirled into endless possibilities of where IIyana may be and whether Blackwall was right when a slight disturbance to the left had each reaching for their weapons, sword, and bow drawn, ready to fight their enemy. To their relief, Solas emerged from the trees, his expression as cold as ever. In his hand was the spirit blade he carefully crafted for IIyana and sent with Dorian as a gift. Where it had once shone brightly like a diamond, it now appeared lifeless and dull. It was caked with blood. Too much blood. “My scouts are positioned all through the region as we speak,” Leiliana announced as she unrolled a map of the Empress Du Lion onto an empty table. The Inquisition had set up camp to the west of where the original campsite had been and was now waiting for the rest of the Inquisition's army to arrive. “I’ve pulled some of my agents from the Hinterlands and have sent them here, and here.” She placed her fingers to the east and west of the region. “They’ve been given strict instructions to check every building, cave, ruins, or areas where you can hide a person.”Solas nodded. His gaze fell to the map below, it’s dotted lines outlining the region and markers indicating possible locations to be searched. Despite the small fire and the furs lining the tent, Solas couldn’t keep warm. He was too cold, his stomach coiling into knots. “I’ve also sent my people to a village northeast of here, Sahrnia. If anyone can tell us more about this area, it would be the villagers.” Her voice faltered, unsure if she should share the next bit of information. But if this were the Warden, she would want to know. “Solas.” Leiliana waited for the mage to look at her. “You should know that the attack was planned. I believe it was designed to separate IIyana from the group - her tent was the only one intact. Blackwall reported that during the fight, an unknown assailant appeared but he targeted IIyana only. All three later report that she was dragged away, with Eri giving chase." Solas' jaw clenched painfully and he managed a nod. But Leiliana knew that he no longer heard her. It wasn’t until he headed out of the tent and made his way to Varric and Sera, did Solas realize what had bothered him from the moment he arrived at camp.There were two people unaccounted for. Cassandra released an exhausted sigh. “We need to stop.”She was fucking tired. Sweat trickled from her forehead to her brow, sliding south and down her neck. She’d long lost feeling in her hands and feet and was near collapse by the time they reached the edge of the forest. She looked out to the expanse of the region and cursed silently. Nothing but a landscape of snow and ragged rocks with red lyrium, stared back at them.“No. We have to keep moving,” Eri replied. He took a couple more steps before leaning against the base of a giant tree. “The longer we take, the less likely IIyaa would be found alive.”“At this rate, you’ll die from the fucking fever before we find her,” Cassandra argued. “Damnit, Sassy,” Eri grumbled, breathe shortening with every word. “How many times do I have to tell you to give a little oomph when you curse. You’re as bad as a chantry girl receiving her first kiss.”She rolled her eyes. “We should have never left the group.” “You wanted to come with me.”“I had no choice,” she reminded him. “You should have listened to Blackwall. But no, you are as stubborn as IIyana.”“Please don’t lecture me right now. I’m in pain,” Eri groaned as he slid to the ground. “Besides, it’s IIyaa’s fault - I learned everything from her.”Cassandra reached for Eri and guided him to the ground. She quickly checked to make sure he’d didn’t reopen his wound - a serious gash on the side received after he tried to fend off IIyana’s attacker. She would never forget the look of complete helplessness that twisted his face when he realized he hadn’t been able to protect IIyana. Nor the way her stomach quiver when he took a blade to flame and pressed it against his flesh to seal the wound. “Not infected? ” Eri gasped. “Still going to live?”“Unfortunately,” Cassandra says with relief. But his hot skin and flushed face brought her no comfort. “Listen to me, Eri. I know it’ll be painful, but I will lift you and we’re going to walk about three hundred yards that way. Towards that cave. Do you hear me?” His glazed eyes looked to where she pointed. “I rather die out here than be mauled to death by an animal.”Annoyed now, Cassandra pushed into his wound. A white, hot, burning pain shot through Eri’s body. He clenched his teeth tightly, back tightening, pressing into the tree. He thinks he would have fainted had he not been in the presence of a woman. “FUCK, Cassie!”“Are you going to listen to me or keep playing games with your life?”“Okay! Damnit! You didn’t have to be so cruel.” Eri mumbles underneath his breath. Satisfied, Cassandra took one of his arms and placed it around her shoulder, then, using her weight carefully lifted Eri to his feet. He towered her by a good six inches and was heavy as he leaned against her body for support. Carefully, they trekked through snow, taking care not to slip on the ice, as they made their way to the cave. As expected, the air was mostly damp but smelled musty and earthy, as this part of the world had not been touched in ages. It stretched for miles, but Cassandra was careful not to go too deep, for fear she’ll disturb any sleeping animal. She moved deeper into the cave until she felt they were well hidden from view.“Cassie …”“Yes, Eri.” She gently guided him into a sitting position. Then she moved to sit next to him.“It’s going to snow soon.”Cassandra bit back her frustration. Her defeat. But she didn’t want to voice the prickling dread already spreading like a mass infection in her brain.“She won’t survive out there,” he gasped. “Once it snows, we’ll never find her body.”“Stop it, Eri,” Cassie snapped. “You don’t know what IIyana is capable of. She’s survived Haven, Adamant, the Winter Palace. She’ll survive this.”He scoffed. A sound so offensive that she wanted to ram her fist into his cheek.“How do you think Solas is handling this?”“I won’t be surprised if he destroyed the region looking for her,” She said. “You should have seen him at Haven. He’ll utilize all his resources before he gives up on her.”“That’s comforting to know,” he said breathlessly. Then. “Cassie … if I die.”“You won’t die. I won’t allow it.”“...tell IIyaa that I - that she should plant a tree for me.” Cassandra bit back her protest and turned to look at her companion, whose eyes had glazed over with unshed tears as he stared out into the forest.”You won’t die, Eri. Not today. I won’t let you.” But then it started snowing and Cassandra wasn’t entirely convinced they would survive the night. Snow fell upon the camp with an eerie silence as the Inquisition prepared to advance north in the morning. Everyone was quiet. Solemn. Only the clatter of forks against metal plates could be heard as the camp settled in for dinner. Sometime near midnight, Solas wandered off into the forest, the spirit blade clutched tightly in his hand, as he found a place to sit that overlooked the valley. He'd gone into the Fade every hour, asking his spirit friends if they've to see IIyana, but to no avail. She'd not been in the Fade since Cole found her. Which means she was still alive and awake somewhere. Had she died, he would have sensed it. All denial, all protestation, was useless now. His greatest fear wreaked havoc with his mind as he remembered the scene he’d stumble upon when he found the spirit blade. He’d nearly doubled over from the amount of blood caked into the frozen ground. Never in his life had he’d been this afraid, not like this. Even now, IIyana was somewhere out there, with her abductor, perhaps hurt and in pain. Or worse. Graphic images of her bleeding to death, paired with what Cole had revealed in the Fade, made him sick, but he had no time to dwell upon the possibilities. But his thoughts drifted back to what Cole had said in the Fade and his anger quickly turned into panic.
She is lost, alone, afraid. She thought you would find her, but blood follows her every step, and she is - Dear gods, how could I be so helpless.
His chest tightened at the thought that IIyana had come to him in the Fade and he hadn’t been there to help her. How sacred and hopeless she must have felt, to arrive in the Fade and find it empty. Once again, he’s failed her—another apology to add to his list for atonement. By the time he returned, fresh snow had blanketed the camp. Lying in his tent, Solas' thoughts drifted to the Fade. He’d wasted too much time already. Every minute that passed was a minute wasted in their attempts to find her. He must act. Now. Before, it was too late.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Eri’s dirk flew from his hand, followed by another, and he didn’t stop to see where they hit, though he heard a red templar cry out in pain. He reached for his daggers and got another templar before another got to him, the dagger going straight into the heart. From behind him, a series of grenades exploded, the frozen ground cracking and vibrating beneath his feet but he ignored it. He turned and fled through the woods, ignoring Dorian’s distressed cry.
Adrenaline pumped through his veins, his heart pounded madly - he could barely breathe. Frozen bushes and jagged rocks beat his legs and hips, tearing through skin, and still, he sprinted forward, praying to the Gods - Mythal, Anduril, Dirthamen, even the forsaken Fen’Harel - that he wasn’t too late. Fear nearly choked him to death when IIyana’s cries echoed in the air. Panting wildly, Eri plunged on down a short, steep incline, drawing his daggers when he reached the bottom of the ravine.
Straight ahead, a red templar plunged his knife into IIyana’s side and dragged her by her neck along the ground and into the freezing stream.
“You bitch! You will pay for that. I am going to fucking kill you!” the templar roared. He backhands IIyana and forces her head into the water, using his body to hold her down as she thrashes, cutting into his skin with her nails.
Eri went wild. Hot, burning rage redden his vision as he sprinted forward and plunges his blades straight through the templar’s back, twisting and tearing through skin, muscle, and bone until metal met the center of the man’s heart. He decapitates his enemy before pulling IIyana from her watery grave.
“IIyaa!” he howls. She is so damn pale, her lips already turning blue. Warm blood cascades between his fingers, where he presses his hands firmly against her open wound, trying but failing miserably to stop the bleeding. “Gods dammit, IIyana!”
Eri snapped awake, dazed and confused. For a moment, he wasn’t entirely sure where he was, only that his head and side throbbed painfully. He thinks he may have drunk too much and is surprised to find Cassandra huddled next to him, asleep. She smelled of fresh earth and clean air, reminding him of the carefree breeze when one is out at sea. Other than the ones who sought him out to warm their bed, Eri couldn’t remember the last time a woman slept beside him. Reaching for Cassandra, Eri froze when his gaze landed on his fingers. The ring his father had given him, gold and engraved with leaves, was caked with blood. Then IIyana flashed in his mind and his breath hitched painfully. The events of what had transpired triggered an avalanche of distress and grief, so powerful that it awakened Cassandra. Cassandra sat up and placed a hand on his forehead. No fever. She is relieved. “Eri,” she whispered. “Eri, what’s wrong? Are you hurt? Is it your wound?”Eri didn’t respond. He was lost in the memory of finding IIyana barely alive, of breathing life back into her lungs, followed by the crippling sensation of relief when she gasps for breath. Then an explosion of stars and darkness. Hot, angry tears gathered at his eyes at the memory. Shame washed over him in waves, tingling his skin, soaking through flesh and bone until it left him hollow and empty. He felt disgusted with himself and his inability to protect those he loved. Perhaps Deshanna was right - everything he touches turns to poison. He is cursed. His last thought as he walked away from a worried Cassandra and into the woods was that the fucking Gods had forsaken him. Again. The Inquisition traveled North, scouting the jagged and icy terrain for their leader to no avail, but Leiliana was ruthless in her campaign and ordered the search to continue. By the second day, still, no word of any sightings of IIyana, and the team began to lose morale. The fabled Herald of Andraste has been missing for three days, and none of the soldiers were confident she’d return to them alive.As for Solas, he kept to himself. His anger was contained behind a cool exterior, but one look at him and the inner circle knew he was seconds away from snapping and releasing what terrifying rage he held at bay. They were afraid to say anything for fear of setting him off. Even Varric and Cole tiptoed around the mage. Now nearing the third night, Solas headed towards the tent the Inquisition was temporarily using as their headquarters. It was empty, save for candles used for lighting and four chairs surrounding a center table. The map was incredibly detailed, with lines etching the area's edges, along with shapes to indicate trees, caves, and water. Several markers were placed to the north, east and west, indicating that Leiliana’s agents were already in place. Solas gripped the edge of the table tightly. He nearly wept with relief when he felt IIyana’s presence in the Fade earlier. It was faint, barely enough for him to track but enough for him to know that she was still alive. He knew he needed to make a move and make it quick, and he began making his own plans. While Leiliana sent her spies north, Solas met with his agents in the Fade and redirected all his resources to the Dales. If anyone could find IIyana, it would be his people. Sweeping his eyes across the map, he memorized the location of the Inquisition and his own agents, wondering when he’ll receive news. If any.
Damnit, IIyana. Where are you?
The tent flapped open, snapping Solas from his thoughts. Dorian, freshly bathed and dressed in a clean white tunic, black breeches and a leather coat, entered the tent and walked towards him. In his hand was a plate of food and a steaming cup of apple cider. “What do you want, Dorian,” Solas said acidly.Dorian hesitated for a moment, then walked to where Solas stood. “She’ll never forgive me if I let you starve to death,” he explained. “Now eat.”Solas glanced at the plate of bread, cheese, and cooked meat and shook his head. How could he eat when she was out there, lost and alone. “I’m not hungry,” he says. “And yet,” Dorian says, sliding the plate towards Solas. “She’ll want you to eat. To preserve your strength.” When Solas doesn’t answer, Dorian adds. “You can’t let your mind go there, Solas. Knowing IIyana, she will find a way.” “Not if she is hurt or dying,” Solas snapped. His fist slammed into the table, toppling some of the markers, one rolling and falling off the table, landing with a soft thud on the ground. “You saw the amount of blood left by the stream. That’s a lot of blood for someone to lose. We’ll be lucky if she’s alive.” Dorian scoffed. How could he ever forget? He was there. “You have no faith in IIyana’s ability to survive on her one,” he replied, more sternly than he intended. “The only faith I lack is your ability to protect her,” Solas snarled. “You should have --”“We’re not going to do this,” Dorian interrupted, taking a step back. “We’re not going to go there. We’re not going to think about it, or imagine it, or entertain it. We’re going to remain hopeful and optimistic because that is what IIyana would do.”Quietly, as if she’d been waiting for her cue, Sera slipped in, followed by Varric. She walked up to Solas and slid the plate closer to him. “Inky would be sad if she knew you weren’t eating.” Varric nodded. “And, we’ll never hear the end of it, too.”A flicker of pain swept across Solas’ features as he stared at the group. Then one by one, Blackwall and Iron Bull entered. Their only goal was to prevent Solas from leaving the tent. Defeated, Solas mumbled and began shoving food into his mouth, his eyes blazed with anger until there was nothing left on his plate. No words were spoken and perhaps none were needed as emotions cooled, and silently, the men apologized to one another. They each held themselves accountable for what had transpired and that was enough. As the evening closed upon midnight, their peaceful truce is interrupted by the arrival of the Inquisition's army along with a frantic Josie, Vivienne, Cole, and to everyone’s surprise, Cullen. The three advisors stood in front of the map of Thedas, surrounded by Solas and the rest of the inner-circle. Having traveled for two days, Josie and Cullen looked exhausted as they gathered their reports. Cullen placed a marker with the Inquisition’s symbol where the Emprise Du Lion was located, then another south, to the Emerald Graves. “Our objective here is to find IIyana alive, without engaging any Red Templars. Harding’s team has yet to report back. That means we’re going in blind. Do NOT engage. If the Red Templars are holding the Inquisitor, we don’t want to put her at more risk than she already is.”He takes several more markers and places one in the Graves. “I need two teams to head south. We’re only about a day's ride from Emerald Graves and I wouldn't be surprised if she were taken here to throw us off.”Several more orders were given, one to the west, another to the east. “My men have ridden ahead and are placed here, and here,” he taps the northern area of the map. “There is shallow water here, caverns, and secret tunnels. They are to report hourly.”“What of Cassandra and Eri? Any news?” Blackwall asked, his question having the rest of the inner circle nodding with anticipation. “No,” Leiliana answered. “The snow has created some challenges, but we’re looking for them.”After the conclusion of their meeting, when all was quiet, and Cullen and Josie left with Blackwall, Leiliana turned to Cullen and gave him an astute stare. “We need to keep this contained,” she stated. “If Corypheus finds out she’s missing, who knows what he’ll do.”Cullen only nodded. “You do know what this means,” she reminded, coming to stand in front of him. “If we can’t locate her.” His mind shifted to the report IIyana had provided after she returned from Red Cliff. He’d promised her that the world would never come to fruition. “Of course I do,” Cullen hissed, raking his hands through his hair in frustration. “How can I forget?” “I don’t think you understand the magnitude of all this, Commander. If she is dead - and I pray she isn’t - then we won’t have a way to close the rifts. Let alone the breach --” Cullen growled. “Maker’s Breath, Leiliana!” “ --- Corypheus will destroy the world, and Divine Justine would have died for naught.” “Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I haven’t already thought about how fucked we are if we can’t find her?” Cullen snapped, anger seeping through him. He was annoyed that she was treating IIyana’s disappearance as an inconvenience as if IIyana’s life held no value at all. “It’s all I think about it.”Seeing that she’s pushed him too far, Leiliana nodded and left Cullen alone to ponder his thoughts. The Hinterlands was beautiful this time of year when the season changed its leaves from green to fiery oranges and red. It was already winter, but here in her dream, the weather had no season. The sun was bright, and the sky was blue, as blue as the clearest of blues on a bright sunny day. Bluer than Kirkwall had been even on a particularly bluey day, but not as blue as some of her memories of Feraldan. She frowned at the sky. It was just so blue. She passed dense forests and streams of water and stopped when she came to a flower field, all white with spoon-shaped petals surrounding a yellow bud. She smiled warmly as she pulled a few free of its stem and placed one behind her ear, taking care to sweep her short, dark hair to the side. She didn’t know the name of the flowers, having not seen them before, but she would name them Daisy if she were to name them.Just like Varric’s nickname for her. Merrill brought the flowers to her nose and inhaled deeply, enjoying its fresh floral scent. She wondered what Varric was up to and felt guilty that she hadn’t reached out since Hawke’s death. She wonders if it was too late to do so.As expected, at the far end of the field, a giant, dark wolf appeared. It watched her with its red eyes. Waiting. Assessing. When Merrill nodded in greeting, the Fade shifted, and she found herself in a familiar library. Crafted from wood found only in the Emerald Wilds, the library was an impressive two-story work of art, with books aligning its rich panels from top to bottom. The second-floor railings wrapped around the room and intricately carved with Elvhen symbols dates back to the time of Arlathan. In the center of the room was a two-tier chandelier held together by magic. The center of the room was a giant round table with seating for up to ten individuals, with Merril being the last to arrive. A map of Thedas spread in the center.“Good, you’re here. We can begin,” the agent said. He was tall, with dark brown hair and green eyes, as green as her own, and dressed in a loose shirt and breeches. He spoke with a Tevinter accent. The rest were dressed in similarity but came from all over Thedas. There was no need for introductions or friendly banter. They were here for one reason and one reason only: they’ve been summoned by the Dread Wolf.“Exactly three nights ago, the Inquisitor and her group were attacked in the Emprise Du Lion,” the agent from Tevinter said. He placed his finger in the middle of the region then traced it North. “They were camped here, but a report indicated the group was separated, with the Inquisitor being taken. We suspect she may be North - heading towards Suledine Keep. ”“What are our orders?” An agent Merrill knew ran a fruit stand in Starkhaven.The agent from Tevinter said in a steady voice. “It’s an extraction mission. I already have scouts combing through the region and will update all of you as information comes in. Make sure to stand by and be ready to move when the order is given.”Another agent, one who works as a maid at the Winter Palace, scoffed. “What kind of lout would dare attack the Inquisitor? They must be hungry for death.”“Why are we meddling in shemlan’s affairs?” The agent from Starkhaven snorted. “Let them handle it. We have our own goals to worry about.” Merrill chuckled softly. “Sometimes the shemlan needs a good poke in the right direction, they can be pretty foolish. One time, my friend lost his furry friend, instead of checking underneath his bed and asking us for help, he blew up the entire chantry looking for Ser Pounce-a-lot instead. Yes, Ser Pounce-a-lot, such a silly name for a cat, isn’t it? What do you suppose would happen if we did nothing?”"You're not making any sense," Starkhaven replies. To the agent’s embarrassment, the maid from the Winter Palace laughed."How typical," she says. "You're such an idiot.""And you're a cunt," he countered.“Enough,” said the agent from Tevinter. “The breach threatens us all. Now, here are your assignments. We are to move out immediately. Report back any suspicious behavior you find. And remember, our mission is to bring back the Inquisitor alive.”
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The village of Sahrnia was located northeast of the Emprise Du Lion. According to Mistress Poulin, the village's current ruler, Sahrnia fell into economic decline due to the ongoing War of the Lions. Not only did it cause its mining trade to shut down completely, but she was afraid it'd allowed for a large Red Templar party to occupy the surrounding hills, leaving the town completely isolated.Along with the fear of villagers being taken by the Red Templars, the Inquisition also met a chevalier and champion of Empress Celene, Michale de Chevin. He'd explained that he'd tracked a demon, Imshael, to the nearby Suldine Keep, but with the town under threat and the keep full of Red Templars, he decided to stay here to protect the villages instead of attacking the keep alone. He hints at prisoners being held captive.Once enough information was gathered, Cullen suggested they separate into two groups. Solas will lead one to investigate the Sahrnia Quarry while he and the rest of the party head north to Suldine’s Keep.“Make sure you keep an eye on Solas,” Cullen said to Dorian and Iron Bull. “He is emotional. He isn’t thinking clearly. He’ll be a liability in battle.” Iron Bull rode beside Solas while Varric, Sera, and Dorian rode upfront. Despite the fur cloak keeping him warm from the frosty weather, it did little to provide warmth from Solas' chilling mood. Cullen was right. Underneath the mage’s cool exterior was some form of dark magic that was barely contained. Bull didn’t think he wanted to be around to witness Solas’ wrath when all that power was unleashed.All-day, Solas said nothing. Not when they stopped to rest their horses, not when they took an hour to break their fast. The mage was quiet. Too quiet. And to Bull’s spy-trained eye, it could only mean one thing: Solas was plotting. "Whatever you're planning," Iron Bull said. "I want in."Though he kept his face directly in front of him, Solas clenched his jaw tightly, signaling that he’d heard. “My guess - you’re going rogue. A one-man mission. But in this territory, you’re going to need more manpower. Especially with all these Red Templars running around,” Iron Bull stated. "The Chargers and I are ready whenever you are."Solas shook his head. "No, that’s too many. We won’t be able to move without being detected.""What's your plan?"“I’m heading south. After Suldine’s Keep.”Iron Bull released a soft whistle. “Everyone will be angry they weren’t included.”“Yes - and I have wasted too much time already. I leave at midnight, with or without you.” The Quarry was quiet and surprisingly left unguarded when they arrived. A series of underground tunnels led them to the colossal pit's front entrance, where red lyrium perturbed from its walls, emanating a noticeable heat. “I hate these things,” Varric said with disgust. The red crystals reminded Dorian of the world he'd seen at Redcliff and the consequence of what would happen should they not find IIyana in time. “Whatever you do, do to touch them,” Varric said dryly. “It can infect you and … well, drive you insane.”“How do you know so much about red lyrium?” Sera asked.Varric chuckled sadly. “Well, the next time you're in Kirkwall, you can ask my brother. Or whatever is left of his mind. Anyway, let’s get out of here before I — do something that will alert our enemy.”They entered through a large opening that took them through another series of underground tunnels, emerging from the darkness to an open space where a group of villagers was held. A man, locked in a caged wagon with five other people, saw them and cried out, reaching for them. "Help us! Please!”"Please, they're going to kill us,” a woman pleaded. “Let us out. Let us out before it’s too late!” "Shut the fuck up!" An angry voice yelled. It came from a dark tunnel to their right. Whoever the voice belonged to, he wasn’t happy that his afternoon nap was interrupted. The prisoners cried out again."I said, BE QUIET! Or I’ll kill you like they did that knife-ear whore.”From behind, Varric felt a crackling of energy while the hairs on Sera's neck stood on end. The air surrounding the group becomes dry, almost suffocating. Thinking they’ve wandered into some sort of trap, Dorian turns to find the source of the magic and freezes. Solas was seething with rage. Magic hissed between his fingers, crackling and sizzling. He appeared dark, almost possessed. "Solas," Dorian whispers nervously. As the prisoners’ pleas became louder, the thicker the air became. A string of curses followed each cry until heavy footsteps scraped against the hard ground, followed by something heavy being dragged along the walls. Magic surged along the ground, crackling against the walls, the closer the red templar came. “Solas!” Dorian hissed, trying time to get through to his friend. He has never lost his composure, but the magnitude of Solas rage was terrifying. Varric looked from Solas to the approaching shadow. “This doesn’t look good,” He says, pulling his crossbow in front of him. Iron Bull cursed and stepped in front of Sera, his hands reaching for his mallet.“I’ll teach you a lot some goddamn manners,” the red templar roared. “When I say be quiet, you be quiet. Who are you waiting for? The Inquisitor? The bitch is dead!”As if all the air was sucked out of the Quarry, magic surged in the air, ringing in their ears. Seconds later, Solas snapped. His magic crashed into the air. The physical force of his rage knocked his companions back. Dorian opened his mouth to protest, a warning upon his lips. Only it came too late. The Templar emerged from the darkness as a flurry of white slammed him back into the tunnel. His terrified screams could be heard as he fought for his life. There was a sickening sound of bones snapping, followed by a gurgling noise.Then a deathly silence.The group ran after Solas and froze. There was blood everywhere. The templar lay dead on the ground, blood spilling from his neck where it’d been ripped open. Sera was the first to break the silence. "What the fuck just happened?” A series of warnings rang on the opposite end, followed by more screams. “We need to hurry before he gets himself killed,” Dorian started frantically. As they came to the clearing, Bull had to shield his eyes from the blast that tore through the sky, ripping it open as a meteor firestorm fell from the open sky. “Take cover!” he warned. Hooking Sera and Varric in his arms, he sprinted for cover as Dorain rushed through a tunnel, following in Solas' footsteps. The firestorm crashes into the pit, sending rocks and sand and debris their way. “You both alright?” Bull asked once the air cleared. “Shit, the egg is pissed,” Sera stated, in between coughs.Meanwhile, Dorian gave chase. The tunnels were confusing, but he could track Solas by following the sounds of death and destruction. He passed a pile of dead red templars, turned right, then left, nearly colliding with some villagers as they scrambled by. He came to an opening and stopped dead in his tracks. Covered in blood, Solas stood in the middle of the desolated pit, surrounded by a group of templars. “Where is the Inquisitor?” He said acidly. The man was insane, Dorina thought. He casts a barrier around Solas as the templars rush forward. Channeling his magic, Dorian resurrected the dead to fight alongside them. He sees Varric and Sera scaling the walls while Iron Bull rushed into the middle to his left. “Where the hell is she?” Solas snarled, holding the red templars' leader by his throat and threw him unto the ground. The templar scrambled back, trying to get away. Solas stalked forward and slammed his fist into the man’s cheek, his fist breaking through skin, muscle, and bones. “Tell me where the fuck she is!” Solas roared as he landed blow after blow. Iron Bull, Varric, Sera, and Dorian watched in silent horror as the man they've all come to know as calm and collected turned into a dangerous, bloodthirsty killer before their eyes. When he could no longer stomach it, Dorian placed a hand on Solas’ shoulder. “You can stop now. He’s quite dead.” Varric whistled loudly as he held up a sheet of paper. “Looks like something Cullen can use! There may be more in the other mines.”Iron Bull shrugged and gave the signal that he will watch Solas while the others investigate the mines for additional letters. While the group investigated the Quarry, Solas sat in silence, back pressed against a wall, head resting in his hands. His fingers were caked with blood, but he didn’t care. Nothing mattered anymore. He’d single-handedly destroyed what little lead they could have found with his rage. Solas ignored Bull’s attempts at making friendly conversation. Solas tried even harder when he heard Bull say, “You don't have to grieve alone. She wouldn't want you to. Hass ebala-varaad nehraa , Kadan ." Cassandra made it back to the cave by mid-afternoon. Though worried about the weather, she was grateful for the continued snowfall, and her tracks concealed as soon as she made them. She'd spent the latter part of the afternoon hunting and collecting wild berries, with dry pieces of wood tucked safely in her arms—anything to take her mind off of the last two days.She half-heartedly believed they would catch up to IIyana and be able to save her. But that was before it started snowing. Long before Eri had taken to chill, now, her only focus was on food and sleep. They were going to need both as they retraced their steps to join their companions. Cassandra spotted Eri leaning against a huge boulder as she neared the cave's entrance and quicked her steps. "Do you need help?" she asked, dropping the supplies in her rush to assist him."No,” Eri said weakly. "I can manage." His hand pressed against the wound on his side. She moved his hand aside to find it hot and achingly red. Cassandra bit back her despair, for they both knew infection was inevitable. “Let’s get you back inside,” she suggested. As she reached for him, he leaned on her and draped his hand around her shoulder. “You're a gem, Cassandra Allegra Portia Calogera Filomena Pentaghast,” Eri smirked, despite the pain shooting up his right side. “I hate that name.”Eri laughed a dry heave that sounded nothing like the charming rouge from a few days ago. “If we make it back to Skyhold, you’re going to have to tell me which unfortunate cousin, or such or such, you were named after.”“ When,” Cassandra stressed. “When we get back to Skyhold, I’ll tell you and IIyana how I came by that name.” Eri was silent for a moment, then his golden eyes found hers. “We will find her, won’t we?”Cassandra gave him a warm and reassuring smile. “You should have seen her after Haven. IIyana trekked through miles of snow to reunite with the Inquisition. She did all that with an open wound to her shoulder.” She grunted as he slid on the ice, his weight nearly pulling them down.” If she can survive Haven, she will survive this.”Eri winced in pain. “Do you really think Andraste chose her?” Cassandra stopped and waited as Eri righted himself. His eyes were glazed and she was afraid he might faint. “It’s complicated,” she answered when Eri repeated his question. She placed one foot in front of the other, hoping her words could distract him long enough before he passed out. “I was in the Fade with IIyana when we learned what the anchor really was. And I admit, I felt defeated that Andraste herself didn’t send her.”“But you believe in her?” He wheezed. “How can I not?” Cassandra admits while taking deep, heavy breaths. They are so close to the cave, just a couple more feet. “I have seen her stand against our enemy and fall. And I have seen her return to us, time and time again. The more our enemy is behind us, the more miraculous IIyana’s actions appear. I honestly don’t know if she’d been touched by fate or sent to help us.”“I am glad she has friends like you, Sassy,” Eri states before he fell to his knees.“Eri!”Distracted, Cassandra didn’t hear the disturbance to her right, nor did she sense the danger behind her until it was too late. By the time they managed to scramble back to their feet, they were surrounded by red templars. The rotunda smelled exactly as IIyana remembered, a mixture of parchment paper, ink, and books. She sighed happily, crossing the room to stand by the massive wooden desk Solas had claimed for his own. Of course, tomes were stacked across the surface, holding papers and reports in their place, exactly as it should be. A breeze rustled past her, stirring the papers awake, flickering the lighted candles that filled the room.Suddenly, an odd feeling came over her, a slight shock of disbelief that left her feeling overwhelmed with sadness. She wrapped her arms around herself and turned. Somehow, she knew that Soals would be there. And he was. He stared at her from a face that was starked white as his lips formed her name. His eyes were searing as if he were flooded with uncontainable despair that it brought tears to her eyes. “Solas …” she smiles tearfully.His throat worked violently. “I - IIyana …”Unable to bear it any longer, she walked across the rotunda, nearly running by the time she threw herself into his arms. His mouth crushed upon hers, painfully, as if his very life depended on it. She kissed him back with all the love and passion she felt. “Yana … You’re alive …” He said, struggling to regain his breath. A fierce tremble went through him. He clutched onto her so tightly that it hurt. Even here, her ribs hurt from the pressure. His hands slid over her body in a frantic search while his breath shuddered. “I was afraid.” He held her as if he feared she should be ripped away from his arms. “I couldn’t find you.”“I’m here now. I’m right here. With you. And that’s all that matters.”“I had hoped … but I… I --.” She brushed her palm over his cheek, catching his tears with her thumb and she smiled. “Have you been sleeping?”“No,” he rasped. “Not when you’re still out there.” She wondered how to take the shattered look in his eyes. “Solas,” she soothed. “I love you.” “I love you,” he told her, brushing his lips over her cheeks and face. “I love you so much. The last time we were together, I was angry when I should have -- ” He clenched his trembling jaw, trying to control the hot flow of tears. It only made them worse. Unable to control his emotions, Solas gave up and buried his face in her hair. “Fenedhis,” he muttered.She had never seen him so undone, so broken, had never imagined it was possible. Stroking his head, she whispered love words against his skin, anything to give him comfort. “I would have given my life to have one more day with you,” he said hoarsely. “I would have done anything, anything if it meant I would see you again.” “Oh, Solas ….” she whispered achingly. Solas swept her up in his arms, holding her to him, absorbing every fiber of her being into his soul. His heart hammered furiously. “Tell me where you are and I'll come to get you.” But instead of answering, she gave him a sad smile—one filled with sorrow. “Solas,” IIyana finally says. “I don’t think ... I'll be home for Satinalia.” He stares at her intently. He saw the truth in her gaze and he shook his head in denial. "No. No. Don't say this." “I want to thank you for loving me …” her voice broke, “ and I want you to know that loving you was …”His hold on her tightened. “Don’t do this, Yana.” “ … was the most beautiful thing ...I ..I” she said hoarsely. “You’ve touched me in ways I never knew and I --”“NO!” Solas growls. He gripped her arm painfully and crushed her against his chest. “You are not going to do this. Not today. Do you hear me?” He demanded furiously. “If you have something to say, Yana, you say it to me when I see you again. But not like this.” She looked at his beautifully handsome face and her resolve broke. Tears filled her eyes and her shoulders shook as grief so deep wrecked her body. He brought his face closer to hers. “You stay alive. Do you understand? No matter how tired, or hurt, you are, you'll stay alive. Say it, IIyana.”She clutched his shirt tightly, afraid of what would happen if she’d let go. “I can’t,” she stammers. “I’m so scared.” “Look at me,” Solas cups her face in his hand. “I know you’re scared, but I need you to be strong and brave. I need you to survive. Do you hear me?” He brushed her lips with his, giving her all the strength she needed to endure until he found her. “I promise you - I will find you. Now say it - I'll stay alive.” IIyana wasn't sure if it was the terror in his eyes, the desperation that lined his lips, or the complete hopelessness she heard in his voice. But she nods in agreement. With tears streaming down her face, she gives them both the lie they desperately needed to hear."I'll stay alive."
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"How badly are you injured?" Solas asked. His eyes touched hers, searching her face anxiously. IIyana licked her lips and then raised a hand to massage her throat. The delicate movement only brought more attention to her fragile state. Stepping back, she willed the Fade to show Solas what she'd been hiding.His breath caught at the bruises shadowing her face. Her cheek was swollen, her lips split. Even in the Fade, he could see fingertips around her neck. Blood caked around a wound on her left shoulder, and her wrist appeared sprained, perhaps broken. If Solas still had a faith, he would have cried to the Gods. Instead, his stomach heaved as he imagined what could have occurred. IIyana looked so fragile. So delicate. How could she have survived such brutality?Dorian and Blackwall have provided their accounts of what happened at camp, and the scene he'd witnessed at the stream had left him disturbed. But this. The shadows around her eyes troubled him, for they went deeper than the bruises. Even now, she hesitated to meet his eyes. His hands trembled as he reached out to touch her face. Fenedhis, he couldn't imagine anyone touching her. Of hurting her. He didn't think he could stomach knowing the horrors she'd endured. "I'm low on mana," she whispers. "The pain will start soon."The helplessness in her voice sent him into a fury that whistled like a whip. The fear he'd experienced when he met Cole in the Fade was more real, and the reality of their situation was made more pronounced by her behavior. She was detached, and something was off about her."IIyana," Solas began gently. "Can you tell me what happened to you? Start from the beginning. There is nothing you can't tell me."Her gaze flickered dispassionately, laced with a look of haunted terror. He wanted to crush her to him. He wanted to wrap his arms tightly around her fragile frame. He wanted to whisper lies into her ear and let her know that everything will be fine. But he was afraid to hear what she had to say just as much as her having to relive it sent tremors down her spine. "We were attacked a few hours before dawn,” she said. “By the time I made it out of my tent, Iron Bull and Blackwall were already surrounded. I don't remember much of the fight, only that I saw Dorian fall, and I needed to get to him." Solas pulled her into his arms then, hoping that she would find some comfort in his strength. He soothed her with the hum of his magic, the warmth of his arms, and the beating of his heart. "One stabbed me in the shoulder and dragged me into the woods. I managed to kill him.""Good," Solas said gruffly."I escaped but was knocked down by another who chased me into the woods." For the first time, her voice wavered, layered with emotions as she gripped his shirt tightly. "I was so stupid. I just wanted to get away and I slipped. I fucking slipped - into a ravine. The templar caught up to me and backhanded me. I remember the pain in my side and then he was pushing me into the water." It took all of Solas' willpower not to let his anger show, but his body trembled with rage. "The next few minutes were a blur, but I remember Eri was there." She frowned at the memory. "Then someone attacked us, and the next time I opened my eyes, I was in a cabin with a man." Solas went completely still. Eyes narrowed. Was this the reason for her strange behavior? Had she been violated? He tried to swallow but couldn't manage it. "Can you tell me about the man?"She bit her lips in frustration. "I'm not sure," she said angrily. "I can’t remember half the details because I think I was drugged half the time."Suspicion clouded his vision, and Solas asked. "Did he make you eat anything? A pill, perhaps? Or some powdery substance." "He forced me to drink some form of liquid. It was bitter but salty and earthy --""Magebane," Solas interrupted. "A mixture of lyrium dust and a corrupting agent." His chest hurt. His stomach heaved. No wonder he hadn't been able to find her at all. He grinded his teeth so tightly he feared he might break them. "You've been poisoned, IIyana. Are you with him now?" Her eyes darted to his in disbelief, then turned dark and troubled as the Fade shifted slightly."No, I've managed to escape, but he -" Solas could feel a slow tremor in the far distance as if an explosion of some kind had happened. She looked … afraid. Not just in body but spirit, as if whatever was happening at the moment shook the foundations of her faith. "IIyana," he asked. "What is it?"Her eyes found his again. "It's my wards. He's found me … I - I have to go before - before --""Wait!" Solas demands. He pulls her in for a scorching kiss. Then he placed his forehead against hers. Magic hummed, shuffling through her memories and he cursed. He should have known. He should have followed his instincts. "I know where you are,” he says. “Whatever you do, just stay alive, IIyana.”And she vanishes before he can finish his sentence, leaving him alone in the Fade as if she'd only been a dream. Cursing underneath his breath, Solas awakened from the Fade, grabbing what little he needed before readying his horse for the journey ahead. Sensing his urgency, Iron Bull joined him. He finished tying his travel bag into his horse as Dorian arrived. The three men rode out of camp and were soon joined by Varric and Sera. Despite his earlier reservations about traveling in a group, Solas was grateful for the added strength.
Night fell and Cassandra had no idea where she was. After being taken prisoner, she and Eri were blindfolded and separated. She felt helpless, and she didn't like it. She had felt helpless far too much in the last couple of days. Worse, she had no idea if Eri was even alive. Damnit, another Lavellan she had failed. Cassandra opened her eyes and looked around the dreary cell. Other than being kept in solitary, her captors had been stupid enough not to chain her to the wall. A slip of luck on her end as the chain was long enough to wrap around her hands, using it as a weapon as needed. And so she waited. The clink of metal in the passageway signaled the arrival of a visitor, followed by the metal door scraping along the floor, sending a rush of paralyzing fear up Cassandra's spine. But she will not give in to her fear today. Footsteps, at least two, walked down the darkened hallway leading to her cell door. As the yellow glow of torchlight glimmered through the room, Cassandra slipped silently to her feet. Reaching for the iron shackles, she moved to stand behind the door.When the profile of a man came to view, Cassandra moved with agile speed, grabbing hold of the man's shirt and slamming him against the bars, looping the chain around his neck, and jerking it tight. She'd expected the fellow to pull out his sword, but when none came, she glanced up and released her hold immediately."Maker take you," Cassandra hissed. She threw her arm around Cullen and enclosed him in a fierce hug while he clung to breathe, straining and coughing for air. Leiliana laughed, moving forward to pick the lock."You could have given me a warning, Cullen," Cassandra said hoarsely, relieved to see a friendly face. "I could have killed you."Cullen scoffed. "Remind me not sneak up on you again.”Meanwhile, the cell door swung open and Leiliana stepped inside, assessing Cassandra's injuries. "Tell me how you got here," she asked, hands moving to check for broken bones. "I'm not even sure where here is," Cassandra confessed. "We were taken by red templars- Eri and I. But I have no idea where he is now." Leliana frowned. "We're at Suledin Keep. We were told the red templars were holding a member of the Inquisition here. We had hoped it would be the Inquisitor but I am glad to see you, too."“So we have still not found her,” Cassandra sighs. She closed her eyes and leaned against the wall. Defeated. "What the hell were they doing here?" Blackwall said as he and Vivienne passed a series of corridors that led to a massive courtyard wrapped around the entire Keep. They were careful not to disturb the tents littered with boxes and chunks of red lyrium carelessly tossed aside. From where they stood, red energy emanating heat, pulsating and humming like a heartbeat. Massive cages - housing dead animals and a giant from the Emerald Graves - were left undisturbed to their left. Crystallized red lyrium perturbed from the creatures' back and legs, and aligning the cell were tables covered with blood and more red lyrium. From behind, Blackwall could hear Cole rambling. "It's quiet, but the old song still echoes inside, almost like templars."Vivienne's eyes swept the area with a knowing gaze. "So that's how the red templars created it so quickly. Blood, to speed the growth.""They were experimenting," Blackwall concludes. "Cullen would want to know about this" "Yes," Vivienne agreed. "Red lyrium. I would prefer not to linger in its presence.""Daggers under the skin. It eats you inside until you're nothing. They hear a different song. The song behind the door still whispers. They are dead and dark and done." Cole stated as he stared at the red lyrium.Disturbed by what they found, Blackwall led them out of the courtyard and along a pebble walkway, wrapping around the Keep. When they came upon another open courtyard, the companions worked efficiently to take out the guards stationed outside the perimeter before heading up the stairs and through an archway that opened up to another courtyard. They could hear angry voices as they approached, and they were careful not to alert anyone to their presence. In the center, surrounded by red templars, was a man, chuckling as he stared at Eri, who was held down by two templars. "Who are you," Eri sneered."Call me … Imshael."Eri knew that name. He'd heard the stories of the forgotten ones and sneered. "You're a demon!"Imshael coughed. "Choice spirit.""Fuck you!""Would you still be so rude if you knew I could tell you where she is?" Imshael stated. "The one you seek, that is." Eri growled, angry, fighting against his captures to be set free. "Tell me where she is, or I swear! I will fucking kill you!""Tsk, tsk, tsk," Imshael. "You are a wild one --" He was interrupted by a whistle of wind as the two templars holding Eri down suddenly loosened their hold, gargling. Eri looked behind him to find both templars struggling for their final breath. A dagger plunged through each of their hearts. The silhouette of a large hat poked from behind his captors. "You hurt, an old song that won't go away," Cole said softly. "I heard you, and I came to help."The entire courtyard exploded into pandemonium as Blackwall and Vivienne charged into the courtyard, but Eri's gaze was only on Imshael as he fled. Mustering what little energy he had, Eri followed, running back into the Keep, passing a pile of dead red templars through the open doors. Eri was surprised to find the main hall was empty. Its tables and benches have been shoved against the windows as if to keep something big out. Eri crossed the floor, stirring up the scent of elf root and crystal grace rushes, ironically sweet in contrast to the gore and death surrounding him. Halfway across the chamber, a blur of movement caught his eye, and he turned towards a door on his left, leading to an inside staircase, which had been left ajar. Calm and collected, Eri stepped down to the last stair. With a faint hissed, he clutched his opened wound tightly. The sealed skin had reopened, and blood dripped with every step he took as he made his way to the fireplace, where a templar lay dead, his broadsword covered in blood near his feet. "So, it comes to this," Imshael said with a smirk of satisfaction as he moved away from the shadows. "We can decide, just the two of us, what choices you have."Eri hissed, dragging the broadsword along the floor. "You talk too much," Imshael ignored the implied threat. "True to my name, I will show that you have a choice. It doesn't always have to end in blood. Here, let me show you." The demon moved so quickly that Eri barely had time to counter until the blackness took over. "Wait for my mark," the man said as he handed the boy a bow and arrow. "Relax. Do not think of it as an animal but a blessing from Andruil herself. Clear your mind, Erion." The little boy took a deep breath, eyes focused on the ram who grazed no more than twenty yards away. His arms shook slightly, and the bow he'd been holding quivered with each breath he took. "Don't be afraid," his father soothed. "Feet solid. Steady yourself. Now breathe in." Eri inhaled deeply as he positioned his arrow straight at the ram's heart."Be swift and silent, strike true, and do not waver," his father said. "Now let go, Eri." Eri released the arrow. It whistled across the forest, catching the light of the summer sun, and pierced the animal in the heart. "I got it!" he cried, celebrating with a little cheer. He's always wanted to be just like his father - the best hunter in all of Thedas. And seeing the pride on his father's face made Eri feel like he was atop of the world. "Well, done, my son," Aeron Lavellan said proudly. "Pretty soon, you'll be joining me on the hunt." Laughing at Eri's widening eyes, he quickly added. "But let's not tell your mother I said that. She already worries too much. If she knew I took you out today, I'd never hear the end of it.""Mamae can worry for days.""Yes," his father agreed. "But don't say that to her. She'll think you learned it from me.” Father patting son on his head. “Now come on, let's go check on our prize." Eri's heart clenched painfully as he watched father and son slide down the slope. Mindlessly, he followed, lost in the memory of their last morning together. His father was just as he remembered. Tall, so tall that even as he crotched, he appeared a giant, towing over his son. Golden eyes, just like his, were warm and kind as he dressed the ram. His father had been proud that day, and the feeling of knowing such pride was something Eri hadn't felt since. He'd often wondered what his life would have looked like if his parents hadn't been killed. "I can give him back to you," Imshael offered. "Instead of living your life in darkness, killing for coin, you can be loved by all. By your parents. Your clan. Keeper Deshanna …"Eri snapped his head to Imshael, searing him with a blistering stare. Knowing that victory was inevitable, the demon laughed. He snapped his fingers, and the image changed to a bright, sunny day. Eri stood in the entryway of the familiar aravel, with herbs and spices aligning the walls, along with tomes of ancient texts and Dalish philosophies pilled in the corner. A middle-aged woman leaned over a table, hair peppered with silver, hummed softly as her flour-covered hands kneaded the dough carefully. In the corner, the kettle whistled to a boil and she stopped, turning her attention to the little burner Eri had constructed himself, along with the table he'd carefully handcrafted from wood in the Free Marches. The woman gasped, eyes widening. Then tears. Happy tears he'd never seen before. "Eri - Eri? Is that you?" Deshanna said with a shaking breath. The wooden bangles she wore around her tiny wrists clattering excitedly as she clamped her hands against her heart. "Oh, my dear," she cried. "My little lethallin, you are finally home." Swallowing back his emotions, Eri saw through a blur of tears as Deshanna ran straight into his arms. "Look how much you've grown," he heard her say. "Where have you been all this time? And why didn't you write to me? Oh, it doesn't matter. You're home. You're finally home." Choked with emotions, Eri brought his arms up to wrap around Deshanna, but his hands grasped at nothing as the image evaporated. Then an image of a bleeding IIyana, stumbling, rasping for breath as she fought against the templar flash before him.Eri hissed deadly. He knew then why Imshael had chosen him. "This doesn't have to end in bloodshed," Imshael said. "It's simple. We don't have to fight. And I grant you your deepest desire. Your parents. Forgiveness and acceptance back into your clan … or the whereabouts of the Inquisitor. You pick. The choice is yours." Surrounded by a hoard of red templars, Blackwall, Vivienne, and Cole fought their way into the keep, trailing hot behind Eri's trail. They were outnumbered. They were overwhelmed. Blackwall advanced cautiously, his broadsword in his right hand, Cole to his left, while Vivienne provided cover. Suddenly, the air charged, tightened, and stretched without warning, and all the red templars fell to the ground. Dead. Vivienne and Blackwall gave each other a questioning stare while Cole stared off into the distance, his lips moving incoherently as he tilted his head slightly. He appeared as if he was listening to something, then his eyes widened, and he vanishes out of sight. A second later, the door to their left creaked open, and Eri stumbles through.His eyes were haunted, and his expression was one of doubt as he fell into Blackwall's arms. "I know where IIyana is …"
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
That knife-ear bitch.
That conniving little cunt.
Once I catch up to her, I'll give her the beating she deserves.
Then, I'll slice off her ears and send them back to her fucking lover.
No one makes a fool of me and lives to see it.
No one.
Pagan growled, pain searing into his brain, nearly sending him into another rage. He quickly wrapped the flesh wound with strips he'd cut earlier with the dagger she'd used to split open his arm. It was nighttime, and they were in the middle of god knows where, but he will not let her win. He will not let her get away with this insult.
Oh, he'll make her pay. This time, he'll see to it that she ever walk again.
Andraste, give me the strength to hide my joy.
Scampering over rocks, cliffs, brushes, weed, and dirt, IIyana kept moving. She had precious few minutes before he caught up to her, and she was thankful fear quickened her steps, giving her the boost she needed to sprint in no particular direction - she only wanted to get away. The fucking bastard had kept her prisoner for two days, drinking nightly as he gloated about his prized possession. Immediately, she began to make plans to escape, but after his gaze lingered too long upon her breasts last night, IIyana knew she had to leave. Now. A stitch took to her side, and she cursed as she was forced to stop. Leaning against a stone wall, IIyana clutched her side, panting wildly as she gathered her thoughts and assessed her surroundings. In the distance, the August Rams kept to themselves as they grazed upon the rich, dense forest surrounded by hanging vines of arbor blessings, prophet's laurel, and brushes of elf root. A land so full of herbs and resources that she thinks she is somewhere in the Dales.Solas would love it here. He would love everything about this place. She waited for one more second, to make sure the cramp was nothing more than that, then sprinted in the direction of a ram trail she hoped would lead her towards civilization. All she needed to do was keep moving. She pretended she was a halla in the wilds, roaming free and chasing the wind, Andruil guiding her steps to freedom as she ran free, while Solas' words fired in her mind:
I need you to be strong and brave.
I need you to stay alive.
No matter what happens, I will find you.
The mantra echoed brightly and distracted her from where she was headed. Too late.She trips over a rooted stump, stumbling and sliding down a short, steep incline, landing with a thud. Pain exploded in her right shoulder, fingers clawing at the dirt as if her body had broken into a thousand pieces. Her plan of freedom crumbled when she realized she sprained her wrist. Rolling unto her back, her gaze found the clear blue sky. Tears of defeat like she'd never known before rolled down her cheeks in a hopeless manner. By the fucking gods, how the hell was she going to escape when she could hardly walk? Her moment of self-pity crumbles when she hears Pagan's angry roar. Damnit - how did he find her so quickly? Straight ahead, she sees a cluster of rocks riddled with dark caverns. Somewhere near, perhaps on the other side, she could hear the faint, thunderous sound of a waterfall. Exhausted from being stalked ruthlessly, IIyana had no choice but to use what little mana she had left, numbed her system of pain, and stumbled forward. Downward first, then upward, she climbed higher and cried out when he seized hold of her leg. She clung to the rock, kicking at Pagan furiously, and when she realized she was about to fall, she let go. Her weight sent him flying backward, but he quickly recovered, trying to straddle her. She reached for the knife sheathed at her side -a small knife she'd stolen from him when he tried to satisfy his lust. It was rusty and dainty, and she prayed it was sharp enough.She caught him in the ribs. He bellowed with pain and rolled over. She shoved him, and he rolled, and she was up and running, escaping him. "I cannot tell you the torment I will inflict upon you. I will not give you mercy. I swear it. By all your fucking gods, I will break your pride and spirit. There will be nothing left of your body for the Inquisition to recover!" he roared after her.She knew that if he caught her again, he would surely kill her. Then praying that he didn't see her, she ran into one of the caverns. At first, the darkness was overwhelming, but her instincts kicked in. Then she moved more deeply into the shadows.
Moonlight escaped the cloud coverage and provided little light as Cullen, Leliana, Blackwall, and Cassandra pressed against the stone wall wrapping around the abandoned cabin. Meanwhile, Vivienne and the Chargers headed around back, using the trees as cover. From afar, the sound of an owl could be heard - a signal to indicate that the group was clear to move forward. Cullen nodded. He moved quickly to the front of the door and pressed his back against the side of the building. One heartbeat. Then two. Cullen closed his eyes, listening. There, just the slightest sound … Someone was near. Moving. Coming closer and closer … the door clicked open.Cullen raised his sword and brought his blade down for a deadly strike."Wait, stop!" Cole grunted as he deflected Cullen's blow with both of his daggers. "It's only me.""Damnit, Cole," Cassandra hissed, both relieved and frustrated at the same time. "What are you doing here?""I heard IIyana, and I came to help. But she isn't here anymore. She's gone," he says softly as he hands her the blood-stained jacket.Back at camp, Eri waited anxiously by the campfire, and when the group returned, he met them halfway. He caught Cullen's sullen expression, Leliana's, and followed Cassandra blindly into her tent."Where is IIyana?" Eri demanded. "Did you find her? Why wasn't she with you when you return?"Cassandra stared at him with a blank expression, then she reached into her pack and handed IIyana's jacket and staff to Eri. "She was not there when we arrived, but we found this among the items in the home.""He fucking told me she would be there," Eri said acidly as he reached for IIyana's staff."She may still be out there," Cassandra tried to soothe. "The place was deserted, but the hearth was still warm - she was there, Eri. Hours earlier. But she was there."Cursing himself a thousand times a fool for making a deal with a demon, Eri's anger exploded, the weapon shattering into broken pieces. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! She should have been here.He should have found her by now. Solas combed the dense forest several more times, looking for tracks or signs of any clues leading to IIyana when Bull's whistle filled the night air. Retracing his steps, Solas was already filled with dread when he saw the group huddled around a steep incline. His stomach heaved at the trail of blood leading down the slope, heading away from the forest towards a cluster of rocks. The caverns were dark and ominous, yet somehow he knew IIyana was inside. IIyana didn't know just how far she'd moved into the cave. There was hardly any light, but she continued to move deeper, using the moonlight to navigate her steps. She must have walked for hours. It seemed when she came to a narrow passageway that led her to a large space just underneath a waterfall. The cold water sprayed into the cave, setting her face and hands. If she can reach its edge, she may have a better idea of where she was. She cried out when a hand seized hold of her hair, pulling her head so far back that she gasped for breath."Your death will be slow," Pagan hissed in her ears. By Mythal's blessing, she didn't know if she had the strength left to fight for her life. Swearing, shrieking, instantly certain she was about to die, she kicked, scratched, plummet, and fought. But no matter how powerful and vicious her fight, he managed to battle her down and captured her wrists and wrestled away the little knife, tossing it away. "You like to play little games? I'll show you what it feels like to fuck with me." He slammed her head against the wall several times before throwing her to the ground, shoving her with his boot. He kicked her once, then twice.Rolling to her side, something shimmered in the darkness and caught her eye—the knife. She has never felt so desperate, so sickened, and so afraid as she claws towards the weapon.When he leaned over her, she took careful aim, knowing that she wouldn't have the strength to pierce through his armor. She caught him in the face. He howled in pain, clutching his eye. She shoved him, and he rolled. He staggered to his feet, sword drawn as she scrambled to her feet, desperate to getaway. He raised his weapon for a lethal blow. She saw the moment and narrowly missed it. Regaining her balance, she didn't see him reach for his dagger, only felt the force of the blade as it hit her body. Blood soaked her shirt as she stumbled back, felt the icy water weigh her down as she grasped thin air. She thinks she may have heard Solas, but she couldn't be sure.She was already falling. If the fates wanted to punish him for playing God by casting the veil and single-handedly destroying the elvhen people, Solas would have walked through the fires of purgatory, fallen to his knees, and accepted what he was due if he knew the outcome was this. He never imagined that it would entail reaching IIyana in her time of need, only to be on the opposite end of where she fought for her life.Solas and Co. watched helplessly as IIyana fell and hit the water below with a sicking sound, while her captor slipped into the shadows and fled. Sera, Varric, and Dorian gave chase, but Solas was immobilized. When IIyana doesn't resurface, the deafening silence gave away to a crippling fear that shuts down all thoughts, emotions, and body sensations.No … No … No…It wasn't supposed to be this way. He was supposed to find her. He'd said no matter what happened, he'll find her. And she promised. She made him a promise to stay alive. A memory flashed in the back of his mind.
IIyana reaching out to caress his cheek." You may not believe me, Solas," she said achingly,"... but when I think of you, the picture is always so clear, so vivid ... and complete."
They were supposed to be together. They were meant to be together. But why wasn't she resurfacing? No. No. No. Not her, not his beautiful, brave, stubborn, and foolish IIyana, who taught him about all the good there was in the world. Not his IIyana. Not now. Not when she rode through his life like a beacon of sunshine and hope, healing him from despair. His only thought was to get to her, but no, the arms restraining him cut him off from movement and air.No. No. No.Not his IIyana.She wasn't dead.He refused to believe it. IIyana was soaking wet, shivering violently, and at the last of her strength. She managed to pull herself up to the bank, her fists bloody from crawling along rocks and mud. There was no longer warmth or hope of survival. No elation or sense of triumph or victory that she'd escaped her capture. There was only cold, gut-wrenching pain and sheer desperation. In the darkness, she hears an owl howl - Falon' don has come for me. "I'm sorry," IIyana whispered, sobbing. "I'm sorry, Solas." She crumbles inside, then blessedly, her mind slipping into darkness. At dawn, two elves walking along the riverbank noticed the small heap sprawled just to the side of some overgrown bushes. "Never mind the wench. She must be drunk. Sleeping off a rough night, no doubt," the elven man said more to himself and went on about his business.But Merrill glimpsed the ears peeking from impossibly white hair, hair she knew the Inquisitor had, and she ignored her companion and turned her around. "By the creators! It's her," Merrill said beneath her breath, her eyes landing on the anchor embedded in the unconscious woman's hand. It was precise as Varric described - angry, green, and utterly breathtaking. "Don't just stand there," she snapped. "We need to get her someplace safe. Get her out of these wet clothes, too. And … send word to the Dread Wolf.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Grief.Sorrow.Despair.Ruminating thoughts of defeat and helplessness had forced Solas to seek the comforts of the Fade and the memory of an old friend. Taking the familiar path leading into the dense forest, passing streams and a bed of flowers, until he came to the secluded grove. Finding the place had not been difficult. Rather, it had been too painful.As expected, Wisdom did not greet him as she usually did, nor did the wisp that had manifested after her death was present. Again, he was alone, with only the noise of the night and the moon to guide his steps. But he preferred the loneliness, because it was only here he could allow himself to feel anything. When he reached the center, Solas collapsed. He sank to his knees, hands fisted upon his cheeks.The grief he’d carefully weaved into his anger and rage pulled him under like a man drowning at sea. The pain began to distract him, threatening to overwhelm him. He could no longer breathe. Only then did the tears come. They fell like the enavuris river, flowing freely. He could not stop the flood of tears, even as he wiped his eyes angrily. He had not cried since he was a young boy, well before he was recruited into Mythal’s army. It was amazing, for he had thought he had forgotten how. The image of IIyana falling to her supposed death pierced at his heart. No, no, no, he shakes his head angrily. But doubt echoed loudly, screaming that she couldn’t have survived - she’d already lost too much blood. Only a man in denial would not accept the truth. No. He must remain vigilant. He must remain strong. Because that is what she’d want him to do. He refused to give up. He could not give up. If he did, she would die.But dammit, why did he feel so helpless? “Hello, why are you crying?”Solas glanced up to see a small child-like figure staring back at him. The Spirit glowed in shades of white and gold, it’s eyes bright as it repeated its question.“I lost someone I love,” Solas said. “I can’t seem to find her.”“Oh, a mystery! I love looking for things.” The Spirit said. And though Solas was unable to see her expression, he felt her smile. “I can help you,” she continued. “Who are we looking for?”Solas hesitated for a moment before answering. “Her name is IIyana.”“That’s such a pretty name. What does she look like? Is she tall, short, small, round? Where did you lose her?”Despite his distress, Solas couldn’t help but smile at the Spirit’s enthusiasm. “You must not remember,” The Spirit said. “But I can still help. How about you help me help you remember?”It was clear now, that in his desperation, Solas had summoned a benevolent Spirit. “Alright. What can I do to help?” He asks. The Spirit floated around Solas several times before she finally came to rest next to him. “First, I need you to close your eyes. Now, take several deep breaths while you focus your attention on the IIyana. Let me know when you see her in your mind’s eye.”Solas did as the Spirit bid and closed his eyes, taking a couple of deep breaths. He opened his mind to the many memories he had of IIyana and chose the image of her smiling face, the day he fell in love with her. Her smile had been bright, her eyes green with a twinkle as she placed the flowers on Senna’s grave.“Do you have an image of her?” The spirit asked.“Yes.” “Good. Now, focus all your attention on her image, and let's see if we can find her.”At first, the emotions that had overtaken him earlier were overwhelming but the more the Spirit directed him to focus on IIyana, the lesser the pain became. Soon, his gaze traced every curve and angle of her face, her eyes, and lips, resting as they came to her vallasin. Soon, other images flooded his senses. IIyana dancing with him, IIyana telling him she chose to forgive, IIyana confessing her love, telling him she’ll stay alive. His heart pounded loudly - he had his answer. No matter what comes, no matter what distance they must cross, or whatever threatens to separate them, he will always find her. And he knew then, that she still lived. He felt it. He believed it.“Did you find IIyana?” The Spirit asked.“Yes.” Solas said hoarsely as he opened his eyes. The Spirit clasped her hand and let out a happy squeal as she floated around Solas, illuminating her joy and streaming it through the shadowed grove.“Tell me, by what name are you called?” Solas asked of his new spirit friend. “Hope.” The Spirit stopped, and where her mouth would have been, bright light curved into a big smile. “I am a Spirit of Hope.”“Ma serannas, my friend,” Solas replies with gratitude. And as if the gift Hope hadn’t given him was enough, the calling of the wolf in the far distance signaled that he’d been summoned. His agents finally had news. IIyana woke, awashed with pain. Her skin felt tight and stretched as though she’d been flayed alive. She would have gladly let Falon’din lead her to the Fade and Beyond, but when she opened her mouth to mumble the simple prayer, her lips were too cracked and dry. She could have easily murdered someone for a cup of water.Prying one eye open, never imagining it could hurt so much to do such a simple task, she was surprised when her eyes swept across the room. Grandiose in size and stature in nature, was a massive hall filled with broken stairs and columns, crumbling in a pile of stone. Golden arches as high as the eye can see, open the way to a second story filled with long corridors that she knew held riches pertaining to elvhen history. Again, another place Solas would love to see. “Oh,” a sweet voice soothed. “You’re awake.”Looking to be somewhere in her early thirties, with short brown hair framing a slim face, the woman’s bright green eyes were made more cheerful by the yellow scarf she wore atop her hunter’s outfit. But it was her vallaslin - in the style of Dirthman, god of secrets and knowledge - that caught IIyana’s attention. The design curved around the top half of her face and what should have been harsh lines were softened by a caring expression. IIyana wondered if the woman collected nugs or quirky books. For sure, she would have been invited in for tea if they were friends. She tried to sit up, but grimaced against the sting her movement caused, triggering memories from the past few days, then flinched lightly as fingers brushed her skin.“Ah, dear. I didn’t mean to scare you.” The woman said quickly, hand frozen in mid-air. Suddenly, as if only realizing her predicament, she smacked her palm against her forehead. “By the creators, where are my manners?” The woman chuckled softly. “ Hello, my name is Merrill.”“Don’t touch me,” IIyana warned as Merrill reached out.“But your wounds. I wasn’t able to heal them completely and if you don’t let me examine them … they could fester. Then blister. Maybe you’ll lose the whole arm. Then you’ll be all wonky.” At IIyana’s concerned expression, Merrill shrugged. “I shouldn’t have said that should I? I always say the stupidest things.”“How long have I been here?” IIyana asked hoarsely, ignoring Merril’s attempts to make her lie back down.“Not long. A few hours. I only found you this morning.”“Was I alone? Did you run into anyone else? A man perhaps? Human with a serpent tattoo...” IIyana’s voice trailed off, crackling slightly as if whatever horror she had endured had imprinted in her soul. Merrill leaned forward. “I assure you,” she soothed. “We’re quite safe. We’re in Din’an Hanin, the tomb of the Emerald Knights. Whoever is after you won’t be able to get in. Not unless he’s a mage. Is he? A mage, that is.”“No,” was all IIyana said, ending the conversation about her captor. “Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat? I have … water.” Merrill said, pulling out a brown waterskin made of ram leather from her pack. To her credit, IIyana drank thirstily, ignoring the suspicious thoughts aimed at Merrill that had plagued her mind from the moment she’d awakened. When she was done, she eased back on the bedroll and closed her eyes to lessen her discomfort. “You’re Dalish,” she stated, doing her best to ignore the spasm stretching her muscle. “Yes - I mean I was. I left a while ago.” The unexpected sadness in Merrill's answer did not press IIyana to investigate any further. “I need to look at your wound if that’s okay.”IIyana nodded. She will trust the Dalish woman … for now. The next time IIyana woke, the room was cast in evening shadows with only a few streamers of moonlight filtering through the rafters and broken ceiling. Everything looked hazy to her and she felt so disoriented that she couldn't remember where she was. Surprisingly, she felt wonderful. Every muscle in her body tingled as if someone had laid her on a hot table and massaged every single abrasion, erasing all memory of the past week.Wondering where Merrill had gone, IIyana managed to stumble to her feet and make her way to the giant doors leading to the courtyard. The winter evening was clear and the night air was fresh, clean. Her breath came out in puffs as she shivered lightly and rubbed her hands together for warmth. The smell of meat roasting caught her senses and IIyana’s stomach grumbled loudly, and soon, she was following the wonderful smell to where Merrill stood over a small fire. “Oh, wait. Let me help you,” Merrill said.Once settled in front of the fire, Merrill and IIyana ate in silence, each waiting for the other to speak. Finally, IIyana stated, “How did you find me?”“Oh,” Merrill stated, wiping her hand along her breeches. “I was exploring actually. I found a map of this place - although now that I think about it, I might have been stealing. You see, the camp where the map was found was actually in disarray. Everyone was dead. Not a soul alive. And before you start making assumptions, no, it wasn’t me. I don’t like blood.”“Does anyone like blood?”Merrill shrugged. “It smells. The texture feels funny in the hand. IIyana agreed. “The stains are horrendous and it tastes like metal.” “Exactly!” Merrill laughed. “To answer your question, I was following the map when I saw you.” “Just stumbled upon me.”“I must be lucky.” IIyana gave the woman a small smile. “I guess I have you to thank, for saving my life. I’ll make sure you are well compensated once we get back to Skyhold.”“Skyhold,” Merill said, her ears perking up. She glanced at IIyana, then at the green anchor in her hand, and back to IIyana. “You are the Inquisitor! I was curious about the green mark on your hand but I didn’t want to be overly confident.” She suddenly gasped. “Varric spoke about you. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it.”“Busted.” IIyana chuckled softly and held up her right hand. The anchor glowed softly, illuminating Merrill in green light. “Wait - how do you know Varric.”“He and I fought alongside the Champion. During the Kirkwall Rebellion.”IIyana searched her memory for an elf in Varric’s story and then, “Holy shit, you’re Daisy.”Merrill laughed. “Yes. It’s a silly name, I know.”“It suits you,” IIyana said. She thought about bringing up Hawke but decided against it. Merrill must have sensed it too and redirected the conversation. “The Inquisition is tearing through half of Thedas looking for you.” Eyes wide now, Merrill came to sit next to IIyana. Without thought, she studied the anchor closely, tracing every detail to memory. “Does it hurt?”“Not anymore. But I still wonder at its true purpose,” IIyana confessed. “I mean, how much power can the anchor hold if a demigod is willing to risk the wrath of Thedas to get to it.” “What do you think it’s meant to do?”The anchor sparked slightly, sensing IIyana’s uncertainty. “Honestly, I’m not sure. I’ve thought about it and still can’t come up with a decent answer other than, it’s meant to destroy. And that’s not good, right? Especially if it gets in the wrong hands.”Merrill scoffed, then chuckled to herself. “Hmmm… hands. Oh! I didn’t mean to make light of the anchor.” She apologized profusely as IIyana laughed. “No offense taken, Merrill. You’re golden.” Sometime in the middle of the night, the wards went off, shaking IIyana from sleep. Muffled voices, panicked voices, and a roar - perhaps in her name - echoed throughout the night and she shook her head, trying to clear her mind of the dream. Images of being dragged, drugged, touched … Her heart pounded furiously, sweat gathered at her temple. She could feel his hands on her, around her throat, making promises of the things he will do. No, no, that was a flashback. That was a memory. This is reality. Feeling restless and jittery, she took in several deep breaths, trying to calm her anxiety. She counted to three, released to five. She counted the items in the room and breathed after each item, just like Eri used to teach her. But she couldn’t shake the memory of her captor from her mind, her body, her spirit.Needing fresh air, IIyana left the room and headed towards the massive doors leading to the courtyard, but seeing Merrill asleep near the entrance, she turned around and headed up the stairs with no particular destination in mind. She just needed to breathe. To get away. She had no idea how long she walked, only that each step took her deeper and deeper into the ruins. Heading right, then left. By then a memory flashed din her mind and her anxiety rose to a crippling fear that choked her of breath and reason. Shadows stalked her, people whispering her name, and she ran. From behind, she hears Merrill, followed by quick footsteps, but she didn’t dare look back.
He was still out there.
He was still chasing her.
He will find her.
And he will kill her.
The footsteps came closer and she managed to round the corner and run into the farthest room. It was dark but she managed to make out a desk, chairs, and cases of books piled along the floors from the collapsing bookcases. Scrambling to the fireplace, she pulled the fire poker from its resting place and waited as the door slowly clicked open.
One breath.
Then two.
Three. Four.
The only sound was her rapid heartbeat. Never had she imagined that a heart could beat so fast. She barely dared to breathe. She blinked, then stiffened when the shadow of a man came to view. Tightening her hands around the fire poker, she bit her lip to prevent herself from screaming as the man started to move. In seconds, he would be upon her. She knew she had to strike, and strike surely this time.In one horrid flash, IIyana brought down the poker. Her attacker managed to move just in time to avoid death, but she caught him on the shoulder. She cried in frustration as he grunted in pain, cursing softly as he brought up his hand to grip the weapon. And she waited for a blade to fall.But none did.“IIyana …” At the familiar voice, IIyana stopped breathing. Her mind raced for answers, moving as quickly as the winds on a cool, summer day. He said her name again, this time, more gentle, not anything like the crass, angry voice who’d haunted her steps for the past week. She wanted to cry, to fall to her knees. But the sickening feeling of dread wouldn’t go away. No, her mind screamed.
She wasn’t safe.
The Gods were fucking with her.
They were ALWAYS fucking with her.
The man took a step forward.She yanked back the fire poker and held it in front of her, the sharpened edge pointed straight at his heart. “Don’t come any closer,” IIyana sneered. Solas bit back a cry of distress. IIyana looked so fragile, so skittish, that he was afraid if he made any sudden movements, she may react and hurt herself. “IIyana, it’s me,” he said desperately. “No,” she protested. “This isn’t real. I’m dreaming and you’re a fucking demon.” Solas considered her words carefully. Then he took another step. Her eyes widened and the weapon raised slightly, so that if she chose to, she could easily end his life. But he didn’t care. The relief of finally finding her was too overwhelming. With little hesitation, he took a step forward. For every step he took, she took one back until her body pressed against the wall, until there was nowhere left to go.“I said stop.” She demanded angrily.“No. I need you to listen to me, IIyana. This is not the Fade. I’m really here.”Tears of disbelief gathered at her eyes. “You’re lying.”“I’m sorry it took so long.”She shook her head. The sound of his voice felt so real. So fucking real. He took another step and she pressed the weapon into his flesh. “By the fucking gods, I’m warning you! STOP!” The agony in her voice was like nothing he had heard before. She sounded like a wild, caged animal, fighting for survival. Solas didn’t want to think about what had transpired for her over the last few days, but he knew it wasn’t kind. He wished he could take that away from her. He wished he could shelter and protect her always. Using his magic to bring light into the room, Solas focused his attention on her. “IIyana, listen to me. Listen to my voice. This isn’t the Fade. This is real. I’m real. Here, feel me. Touch me.”He flicked his wrist and a small burst of magic swirl in his palm. It hummed and tingled against her skin as it enveloped her in a safe cocoon. She couldn’t shake the feeling of warmth and safety as it absorbed into her skin, healing wounds and abrasions with familiarity. But she was still doubtful. She was too afraid to look at him for fear that he was just a mirage. “How do I know it’s you?” She demanded. “How do I know that you are what you say and not just a fragment of my imagination? I don’t think I can - if this the Fade - I don’t think I can,” she sputtered. Solas swallowed painfully. He needed her to see him. He needed her to believe him. Desperate now, he pulled the weapon away from her and threw it across the room, and wrapped her in his arms. While she screamed and fought, he tightened his hold.“Listen to me. LISTEN TO ME,” he demanded. Taking her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him. “One of our earlier conversations was about the Dalish. You were upset because I insulted your Clan and called me a horrid name. Do you remember? What did you call me, IIyana?”He held his breath and waited. He saw her eyes moved as if looking for the memory he spoke of. It felt like an entire lifetime before she finally answered.“Cru-crusty Old Bat,” she gasped. Relieved, he chuckled softly. “Yes, I hate that name,” Solas said. “I have a tendency to count your blushes. Do you remember which one is my favorite?” Her fingers tightened slightly. Her breath was shallow as she answered. “Number thirty-five. It was the night we made love for the first time.”“Yes,” he confirmed. “I said that I had already belonged to you. Whether you stayed or left. Whether we walked the same path or not. Do you remember?” Tears gathered at her eyes, nearly blinding her to the man before her. She took a couple of deep breaths before answering. “You said I was - that in me, you saw your heart - your purpose - your soul.” His fingers on her arm tightened, it was all he could do not to crush her into his arms and wept with relief. She looked so little. So fragile. “You still are,” he promised. “You mean everything to me.” Relief as she’d never experienced flooded her body and IIyana shook violently, tears flooding like a waterfall, slipping free and sliding down her neck. She gripped his arms tightly, as if she were afraid to let him go.“Our last night together at Skyhold, we were both nervous,” Solas said. His hand came to rest on her cheek. His thumb captured her tears, brushing them away. “You gifted me with something very special. You said you were my what, IIyana? Say it. Remember it.” IIyana searched his gaze, saw the promise behind them and the memory of his words. "The Elvhen believe that once spoken, a claim such as yours, is recognized as an oath of commitment under the eyes of the Creator." “I - I said that I was …,” she said brokenly “ ... that I felt like a falon’saota .”“Yes,” he said thickly, tears gathering at his eyes. “You said you felt like my mate. And you are. Now and forever.” He presses a kiss to her forehead. “Feel me, IIyana.” Kissing her eyes and cheeks. “Remember me, remember us.” IIyana closed her eyes and breathed in his scent. She felt the warmth of his hand against her cheek. The rapid beat of his heart. And as his aura crashed into hers, in a kaleidoscope of greens, she knew that he was real. With tear-stained cheeks, IIyana opened her eyes to find his - so blue, so real, and so full of love and warmth and safety. Ever so carefully, she brought her hand to his face, her thumb brushing his cheek. “So … Solas?”He saw sanity return to her eyes a moment before his lips brushed upon hers. Overwhelmed with emotion, Solas was unable to speak. He could only nod.“You’re real. You’re really here. This isn’t the Fade,” she finally managed to say, in between sobs. “You - you came.”“But not soon enough,” Solas hoarsely. His eyes were bloodshot and shadowed, a testimony to stress and lack of sleep. He cradled her body softly and gently brought them to the floor, he never released his hold on her. Instead, Solas held her, stroked her, soothed her, his silent tears mingling with hers. IIyana broke then. Body collapsing in a state of exhaustion and relief, shaking violently as she wept in his arms. Her tears were a mixture of anger and grief, and Solas suspected a loss of innocence. “Shhhhhh, you’re safe now. You’re safe now,” he soothed.“I”m so fucking tired, Solas.”His arms tightened around her. “Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake.”“Promise.”“I promise.” Outside in the hallway, Cassandra and the rest of the Inner Circle listened as IIyana’s cries echoed into the night. She glanced over at Eri and stopped him before he could interrupt them.“No, she would not want you to see her like this.”“I don’t give a damn, Cassie. She needs me.” “She has Solas,” Dorian said softly. His gaze directed at the door. “IIyana is in good hands. He’ll make sure she’s taken care of.” “The Seeker’s right,” Varric added. “IIyana wouldn't want us to worry about her either. “Come, let us make camp,” Cassandra suggested, although she turned pleading eyes to Eri. “You also have wounds that need healing.”Through the door, IIyana’s cries intensified and all Eri wanted to do was comfort his friend. But he knew Cassandra had a point - IIyana wouldn’t want to look weak, especially in front of him. Releasing a heavy sigh, Eri nodded and allowed for Bull to help him back to his tent. One by one, the inner circle left for the courtyard, all except Dorian, whose back was pressed to the wall opposite of the door. “Dorian,” said Cassandra.“Just a moment,” he said, though she didn’t miss the slight crack in his voice. “I'll be there in a moment.” Cassandra stared at the Tevinter, whose eyes were suspiciously moist, and nodded. She made her way through the long corridor, down the stairs, and back into the main hall before she stopped. Taking a moment to gather herself, Cassandra sent a prayer above, thanking the Maker for bringing IIyana home.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Solas knew he was behaving like a mad man. Perhaps he was unreasonable, too. He barked orders, snapped his demands, and nearly came to blows with Eri. But after seeing IIyana's body marred in bruises and scarred, he vowed to never let her out of his sight again, even if it meant pissing off the entire Inner Circle.He'd thought he'd been prepared, but nothing could have prepared him for this - IIyana had been beaten so severely, he couldn't understand how she could have survived. She looked as though a wild animal had cornered her. Her face was botched with purple bruises, and half of her body was covered in claw marks.But it was the shadowed fingerprints wrapping around her neck that nearly sent Solas into a frenzy.More fingerprints were visible when Vivienne removed the bindings on her chest and then began removing her breeches. She took a sharp intake of breath when she saw the gash on her thigh - a perfectly straight line that ran the length of IIyana's leg.It was evident that the man who kidnapped IIyana took great pleasure in tormenting her."We need to clean the wound," Solas said. His voice had taken on a hard edge. He looked furious. He didn't pay attention to Vivienne as she quietly left the room to gather supplies. Nor did he glanced up when she returned with a brass bowl filled with water and whatever clean clothing the inner circle was willing to part with to bind IIyana's injuries.Together they sponged the dirt off IIyana, who remained asleep from the draught Merrill had given her. As Solas lifted her right arm, as he ran one damp rag after another against her lifeless limbs, he swore underneath his breath. Damnit, he was cursed. Anyone who dares to care about him was doomed. Mythal. The Elvhen people. Now IIyana ... lying lifelessly ... clinging to death's door."Merrill's magic has helped heal some wounds, but some areas are pink and irritated," Vivienne said when their task was complete, and they'd used their magic to heal whatever they could. "We'll be lucky if she doesn't burn with fever."
Even if she burns, I will not let her die.
The words had come unbidden to his mind. Solas did not bother to answer. He continued to swab IIyana's body, making note of every mark and wound. When he finds her tormentor, Solas will make sure the man is given the same courtesy."We've closed her wounds as best as we can, but she'll need an elixir to ward off the pain," he finally replied."Embrium," Vivienne said. "And Prophet's Laurel. Crushed Prophet's Lauren mixed with Elfroot." She leaned forward to brush away strands of loose hair from IIyana's face. "We must wash her hair. All that beautiful hair mixed with dirt and blood. I don't want her to wake up and still feel ... she'd want to feel clean."Solas closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Let the others know —""I can get them," Dorian interrupted from the doorway. Standing next to him was a limping Eri. The two men came to a dead stop when they saw IIyana.Surrounded by burning torches and a dozen wet rags soaked with grime and dirt, water and blood, lay their friend. Motionless. She was as still and white as death upon the table she lay. Her breathing shallow. She looked as if she were dead."Damnit," Eri swore when he saw the extent of her injuries. His hand reached out to grasp hers, as hers had often done when he was fevered and alone. How the hell did she survive? He wanted to weep. He wanted to curse the gods. But there was no time. Whatever magic Merrill had used to heal her wounds had not been enough.Dorian came to stand quietly by the table, his gaze never leaving his friend. Guilt, as he'd never experienced before, crashed into him, threatening to sweep him away like waves from the Amaranthine Ocean. Fuck, IIyana. Little, fiery IIyana. His friend, his only best friend."She would not want you to blame yourself," Solas said, interrupting Dorian's thoughts."I know," Dorian replied."You don't look it," Eri suggested. "I'll not have any long faces staring at her when she wakes.""Speaking of long faces," Vivienne chimed. "I require supplies. And may I suggest you get some rest, Solas? She —""I am not leaving her.""— would be upset if you collapse from exhaustion."The group waited for Solas to make a decision. It took less than a second. He cradled IIyana in his arms and gently carried her to his tent. Solas sat by her side well into the night and long into the next day while the others came and went. Cassandra brought him food, but he ignored it. Josie stopped by with an extra blanket, but it was left unused. Sera, being Sera, snuck in a plate of old, baked cookies she'd packed away and hoped to give to IIyana once she returned to Skyhold.Because all he did was speak Solas' fears, Cole was no longer allowed in the tent.And Solas sat next to IIyana hour upon hour. And sat alone with his own anxiety as his mind spiraled into the darkest corner of his mind. His thoughts shifted and manufactured stories that kept him awake at night. Then tortured him with guilt for failing to protect her. Sometimes, they stretched into a bleak emptiness and the endless torments of tomorrows should she not survive the night. He clung to her hand like a man adrift at sea, looking for any signs of life.He ached with the ache of a man whose love had been locked inside him for so long. To let himself feel it hurt as much as if he were being torn from limb to limb. He ached with fear, and he cursed, and he silently begged that it was his life that will be taken instead of hers. He'd even begged for forgiveness, made bargains, and promises that even Mother Giselle would not be able to keep.Swallowing past the lump in his throat, Solas sat beside her and gazed down upon her beloved face, waiting to memorize every line of it."IIyana, can you hear me?" He grabbed her limp hand, frantically searching for a pulse. It was steady and faint but still there, and suddenly, he couldn't stop talking to her. "Wake up, please wake up. Don't leave me, IIyana. Please don't leave me."Listen to me," Solas begged, somehow convinced that if he'd kept talking to her, she'd eventually wake. "Listen to what my life was like before you kissed me in the Fade - it was empty. Colorless. I didn't care about anyone or anything. But then you entered my life, and suddenly, I'm learning new things about myself. I like to grab drinks with Varric, and I don't mind Sera anymore. Dorian has become one of my closest confidants, though I'll never admit that to him."Lifting her hand to his face, he rubbed his cheeks against it. "And that's not all I noticed. Do you know that your eyes sparkle with a hint of gold when you're happy? Or turn dark and cloudy when I've offended you? I know you've smoked elf-root with Eri twice since his arrival, and you're secretly plotting with Sera to prank Cullen. But most of all, I love you. I love you more and more each time you look my way. I love you, IIyana. And if you die, I'll never be able to show you how much."The minutes became an hour and then another, and still, Solas kept talking. Driven by anger and desperation, he resorted to threats. "IIyana, don't you dare leave me! If you do, I'll go insane and light random people on fire and purposely cause fights between Cullen and Dorian. And Eri? I'll send him back to Wycome. Then, I'll pursue that brown-haired servant you're jealous of. Remember her? The one who gave me tea on the way home from the Winter Palace. Her name is Shena, by the way, and every time she passes, she always gives me a shy smile. I'll make her my vhenan if you don't wake up."He waited, listening, watching, then gathered her limp body into his arms. Solas laid his cheek against hers. "IIyana," he wept, rocking her in his arms, "You will fight this, do you hear me? You will not give up. You will survive ..."And then he did something he hadn't done in a very long time.He wept. The air was cold yet stuffy, the light dim. IIyana gaze around the room, disoriented. She'd expected to wake up in the room she'd slept in the night before, but everything about her surroundings was unfamiliar. Her eyes swept across the shadowed outline of the tent and lacing, covering the flaps to hold it close.She was warm, enveloped in a sea of fur blankets, and the magic wards surrounding her kept her warms. She tried to sit up only to discover that she didn't have the energy to do anything but turn her head.And that's when she saw him.The instant her gaze landed on the sleeping man beside her, her heart fluttered, and memory came flooding back.Solas.He was lying on his back, stretched out as if sometime in the middle of the night he'd rolled over one too many times. One hand rested on his chest, the other next to his head. She could tell by the even rise and fall of his chest that he was sound asleep. She knew he needed his rest but the urge to touch him - to know that this was real - was too great. Raising her hand, IIyana reached out to touch him.As if sensing that she'd return to consciousness, Solas eyes snapped open, and he breathed a sigh of relief to find IIyana staring back at him. Relief welled up inside of him. His heart exploded with joy. There were so many things he wanted to say, but all he managed was, "you're alive.""So are you." Her voice was no more than a whisper. "Where am I?""We're still in the Emerald Graves. Your injuries required a few days of rest before we ..." his voice trailed off as if he was unable to continue. As if to finish the sentence would give credence to his failure to protect her. "Now that you're awake, we can leave tomorrow morning. That is if you're up to traveling. I should let the others know you're awake." A gust of wind stole into the tent, and IIyana shivered."C-C-Cold," she chattered. "H-Hold me."Quickly, Solas wrapped his arms tightly around her and then lay the blankets over both of them. He brushed his lips over her head. She closed her eyes and absorbed his warmth, letting his heat radiated through her."I thought I was dying.""I thought you might. I didn't think I'd get to you in time.""But you did," she said quietly.Overwhelmed with emotions, Solas needed more than words of comfort. He needed to touch her. He needed to feel her. Grasping her hand and holding it tight, he told her of the events leading to her rescue. He told her of the hopelessness he felt, the fear of finding her dead. Most of all, he told her of the fear that nearly crippled him when he saw her fall. Then of the events leading to his arriving at the elven ruins."How, IIyana? How did you manage to escape? To survive?" Solas said when he finally found his voice. He hadn't realized how traumatic the last few days had been until he relieved them through his own words."I was lucky. The man who took me was a drunk," she said. "Don't cry, Solas. I don't blame you for anything."His chest tightened until he thought it might explode. He'll never be able to forgive himself, but for her, he will try to find some sort of comfort in knowing that she still believed in him."Is everyone okay? Eri - he fell before I was knocked unconscious.," she breathed."Everyone is alive. Safe. And they've missed their leader."Her gaze found his. "Not as much as you did, I hope."His eyes glittered, and he lowered his head. She caught her breath when his mouth hovered over hers. Then he pulled her into a kiss that told IIyana just how much she was missed. "I must really be dead because you look like shit, and you have a beard," IIyana said curiously.She was propped up against a mound of blankets, and her eyes followed Dorian as he paced back and forth, reciting everything that had happened since she was taken. Varric sat in the corner, quietly jotting down notes for his next plot while Sera lay next to IIyana. It had been two days since she'd been found, two days and nights of drifting in and out of sleep. Each time she'd awaken, Solas was next to her, and after her fever broke this morning, she'd finally convinced him to get some rest. And now that she was fully conscious, she wanted an update on all the events from the past week."What kind of friend would I be if I didn't look as ravaged as you?" Dorian suggested."I appreciate the sacrifice you're making on my behalf, but please, the beard makes you look like you aged ten years.""He did age ten years," Varric added. "We all did. The only one who came out of this with his youthful looks is Solas.""Stop interrupting my story." Dorian shrugged at them both. "And in case you were wondering, it's not a beard. It's stubble. Or a five-o'clock shadow. Anyway, I look like a mess because I was worried about you. There was no time to stop and bathe or take care of the essentials because I was too busy tracking you down.""Can you imagine the scandal?" IIyana teased. "Beautiful, youthful mage, turns old and crusty overnight. No evidence of dark magic. Just ... old."Dorian rolled his eyes. "You're killing me here, IIyana. I saw myself this morning, and I'm ashamed to admit I looked like a hobo mage. But don't tell Solas this. He'll use it as ammunition against me.""Alright, alright. Back to the mines," IIyana said and redirected the conversation to Dorian's report. "What happened next?""And then, he went insane. Lit the entire place on fire," Sera said, her eyes widening into giant saucers. The image of the Egg going wonkers was something she'll never forget. "Never ran so quick in my life. If I didn't know it was the Egg wrecking up a storm, I'd thought it was one of your stupid elven gods.""Then he beat someone to death." Dorian tilted his head slightly. He raised his two hands in front of him. "With his bare hands."Shocked, IIyana leaned forward. "Holy shit. You're talking about Solas, right? Hedge mage. Hobo mage. Crusty-old- bat, Solas. My Solas?"Varric whistled and looked up from his notebook. "Yep, the one and only. For a moment there, I thought Chuckles was going to bring down the entire mine. It was the craziest thing I've witnessed in a long time. Next to Anders blowing up the Chantry and starting a civil war, I'd say Solas losing his shit is definitely top three on my list of Mages Gone Wild."The image of a mighty Solas bringing the sky down in flames of fire had IIyana sighing like a madwoman. "Not going to lie - Solas running amok across the Emprise Du Lion and killing half the Red Templars in a desperate attempt to find me - that's pretty romantic," she sighs and falls back against the mounds of cushions she'd used as a pillow."And gross," Sera said as she pretended to vomit.Dorian scoffed. "Wrong, IIyana. Solas asking me to deliver you love notes and a spirit blade while you trekked through half of Thedas is romantic. Solas destroying half a mine and nearly killing us in a fit of rage? That's dangerous.""Dark and twisty, but still pretty romantic," IIyana said with a cheeky grin. "Oh, stop it, Dori. Let a girl live a little.""You must have hit your head. Hard," Sera grumbled.From outside, a flurry of voices could be heard. One male, the other female. It sounded as though they were arguing. The closer their footsteps came, the louder they became."If you don't let Merrill tend your wounds, you'll die, and what good will you be to IIyana then?" Cassandra demanded in exasperation."Stop hounding me, Sassy. It'll only take five minutes." Eri said. "I just want to check on her."Cassandra snarled. "You have one minute, then I'm taking your ass back to your tent. I didn't drag you across half of Thedas only for you to die because you're too stubborn to take care of yourself."The flap to the tent suddenly flipped open, and a frustrated Eri entered. "Yes, Keeper. Whatever you say, Keeper.""Eri!" IIyana cried. Her arms opened, and she stretched upwards, pulling him into a tight squeeze. "You're here!""Thanks to Cassandra," Eri muttered against her hair. IIyana felt warm and solid and whole. And he closed his eyes, thanking the Gods that she was alive. "She literally chewed my ass off and threatened me with harm if I failed to survive."Cassandra growled. "You were half dead by the time I found you.""See what I'm talking about?" Eri whispered. He stretched alongside IIyana, literally pushing Sera to the side, and closed his eyes. "Here I am, all hurt and injured, and she's yelling at me. Make her stop, IIyana. It's emasculating."Varric's writer's eyes darted between Cassandra and Eri, noting the flying sparks between the two, and immediately flipped to a new page and began writing. "Cassandra, tell me how it felt to be out there. Alone. With this handsome stud of a man. With nothing but snow to keep you both company."Cassandra rolled her eyes."How about 'the chilly winds bit into my skin, but I didn't notice. My eyes were focused on the solid body in front of me. All six feet of rock-hard muscled abs. Arms the size of tree trunks that could --""Don't forget to add quivering purple-headed warrior, Varric," Eri growled as Cassandra threw him a nasty glare.Sera crackled loudly and slapped herself on the knee. "Arse and tits, that's a pick-up line if I've ever heard one."Something hard, like a metal glove, hit Eri in the face, and he barely caught his breath in time to see Cassandra stormed out of the tent."Eri! You know how Cassie feels about her books," IIyana chided and pinched the side of his skin so hard that he yelped. "Go after her and apologize.""By the Gods, hell no. She's been saucy the entire time, nearly driving me crazy with her demanding ways," Eri protested. "Besides, I came to lecture you on your stupidity. The next time I tell you to run, you run, and you don't look back."Though his statement was heated, it was what he didn't say out loud that gave IIyana pause. I love you. Don't scare me like that again. She nodded and pulled Eri into a fierce hug. Then one by one, her arms found their way around Dorian and Varric. Even Sera, although she pretended like being hugged, was the most uncomfortable experience ever."I'm just glad everyone is safe," IIyana said quietly."Well, you scared the shit out of me, IIyaa," Eri muttered.Dorian agreed. "The next time you see me fall, just ignore me and run. Save yourself. My life is not worth it.""Your life is worth a million of mine," IIyana countered."And while we're at it. I'm glad Solas can go back to his usual self," Varric chuckled.Eri barely had a word out before he yelped. Loudly."What the fuck, IIyaa," He cried in pain. She'd pinched his ear and was now giving him a blistering glare. The kind you get from an angry parent."I love you, but that was dick of you to tease Cassie like that. You owe her an apology," she chided."No," he moaned as he tried to pull away.IIyana moved so quickly, Eri barely had time to swap away from the fingers that found themselves in the inner lining of his thighs before she pinched."Hot damn, IIyaa. Okay!" He cursed until she released her hold. "Sheesh, you're mean. When did you become so mean? Okay, I'm going." He struggled to rise when movement caused him to wince. "I'm going ... but first. Someone help me up. I can't get up."Pardon the interruption."IIyana and Co. turned to the front of the entrance to find Cullen standing quietly, his hands held tightly at his sides. A dozen emotions flashed across as his gaze swept across the room and landed on IIyana. He looked just as ragged, exhausted, and stressed as everyone else.Noting the awkward silence, Cullen cleared his throat. "Inquisitor, when you're ready, we'll take your report in Leliana's tent. Leliana feels it best to do it soon while your memory is still fresh." Taking slow, measured breaths, Eri watched as Cassandra stalked off into the woods, finding a quiet place underneath a huge oak tree to sit under.Without making a conscious thought, Eri approached her slowly. He wasn't certain how he'll be received. It depended on whether the five-minute trek had been enough to cool her down. It was entirely possible that she would kill him after he'd embarrassed her. It was also possible that he could pull her to him and ravish her underneath the afternoon sun just to distract her.She saw him and glared, and he found himself stewing in a hot, unpleasant rush of feeling that was all too familiar. Was it lust? Or did he just need a woman? By the gods, it must be lust.When did he develop a fetish for strong, angry women who can kill him with one look?Perhaps it was her independence that he found so damn erotic. Most women just threw themselves at him. Not because they desired him, but more as a token of recognition that they've bedded an Elf. Most of these women were voluptuous, genteel women who held themselves with grace and power. Call him a damn knife-ear. Call him a savage man. But he was used to softening skin and silken sheets—easy and willing women.And there was nothing soft or fragile about Cassandra.Eri limped towards her casually, not missing the way she stiffened at the sight of him. Her face scrunched up into an ugly growl that only made her more appealing to him. He imagined what it would be like if he took her face in his hand and kissed her silly."Stop frowning, Sassy. It makes you look mean.""Go jump off a bridge, Eri," she said in a low voice and sprang to her feet. She had taken only a few strides when he caught her from behind. "Unhand me if you know what's good for you."But too late. She yanked too hard, and Eri lost his footing. And like one of those cliche' love plays, Eri fell and pulled her along with him.He landed on the hard ground with an ummph and lost his breath again when she fell on top of him. For the next few minutes, the two of them struggled to gain their footing, but the snow on the ground made it difficult to find solid ground.Exhausted, Eri flattened his hand against Cassandra's back and pushed her against his chest. "Just ... be still for a moment. I need to catch my breath."But Cassandra tried to struggle upward, her body pressed against his. He hissed, and they both went still, caught front to front, their breathing mingling in uneven beats.As if he were in a dream, Eri suddenly became very aware of the woman in his arms. Her skin was porcelain soft with a hint of crimson red. Her upper lip nearly as full as her lower, the curves of her body fit perfectly in his hand. Staring at her mouth, he felt a chill run through his body, and his breathing slowed. Excitedly.He knew he shouldn't.She'll kill him for sure.Hell - IIyana will kill him for sure.But he couldn't deny that he was tempted.And shit, how every muscle in his body seemed to sing. The sensation was so pleasurable, so unexpectedly erotic, that he moaned softly before he could help himself. Sinking into the feeling, Eri let go and let it take him."Damn it, Sassy," he said ruggedly. "I'm going to do it. Even knowing that I'll be annihilated afterward.""Do what?" She demanded."This."And he brought his mouth to hers. Through a hazy dream, he saw her expression changed from curiosity to pure panic. Fear. And he saw her move.Pain exploded in his midriff, and Eri gasped, rolling to the side. Coughing. Clinging onto life."C-Cass," he gasped.The little spit-fire had punched him in the gut.Cassandra shoved at him and struggled to her feet. Frantically, she swatted away his efforts to hold on to her.They stared at each other. Each, trying to find their breath. Each, trying to make sense of what just happened.Eri raised to his feet. He wasn't sorry for the kiss. He was only sorry for the distress that it caused her. But whatever he would have said was quickly silenced."This never happened," Cassandra said. She took in several deep breaths before continuing. "And if you tell anyone about this, I will deny it. Then I'll kill you in your sleep." "What can you tell me about the man who took you, Inquisitor?" Leliana asked. "What did he look like? Tall, short, slim? Any identifying features - a scar, perhaps, or a tattoo --""Did he sound like he was from around here?" Added Cullen. "An accent, perhaps? Was he human, qunari, elf?"They were huddled around a table in Leliana's tent - the advisors and IIyana- with the latter sitting in the center, answering questions about her captor. In the center was a map of Thedas, red X's marked the territories the Inquisition had searched before locating the Inquisitor.There was one in particular that caught IIyana's attention.Located in the Northern area of the Emerald Graves, in between walls of rocks and rivers, was the cabin she'd been kept in. Two days of being chained, harassed, and tortured. Two days of unsolicited sneers, threats that would make anyone's skin crawl. And then that fatal moment when his filthy hands touched her skin."Inquisitor. Inquisitor, can you hear me? IIyana," the familiar voice soothed.Concerned hands reached out to touch her arm, and IIyana flinched. She snapped away from her thoughts to find a pair of hazel eyes staring back at her. IIyana had no idea when she stopped listening or how long she'd zoned out, but one thing was clear - her advisors were clearly worried for her."Shall we continue this at another time?" Josie asked.Embarrassed that her thoughts had taken flight, IIyana shook her head and gave her advisors a reassuring smile."No, please. Let's get this over with." She said, and took a moment to gather her thoughts. Her hand trembled, and she held tightly unto the edge of the chair, her knuckles turning white. "I don't remember much. Only that the man who took me was about Cullen's height. Strong. And fucking fast. Human for sure but no visible scars that stood out. He spoke with an accent, but I'm not sure from where he originated.""What happened after you were attacked? Eri said he found you by the river fighting off a Red Templar. But he couldn't provide any more details after he was attacked." Cullen stated.IIyana searched her mind for any clues that stood out. "I was in and out of unconsciousness. I didn't come until I woke up in the cabin. Solas suspects --"Cullen's head snapped up. "Solas knew where you were the entire time?""No," IIyana quickly denied. "He knew just as much as you did. It wasn't until the second or third day that I could finally make contact with him in the Fade. That's how he was able to locate me. He suspects I may have been poisoned with mage bane.""That would explain why Solas wasn't able to connect with you beforehand," Josie concluded. "Who would know to use the substance in such a way?""Someone familiar with apothecary or templar trained," Cullen suggested."Or worse," Lelianan said, although she kept her thoughts to herself. "Anything else you can tell us? Whatever details you can provide, whether big or small, will be useful."A flash of memory - of hands reaching for her throat and squeezing tightly - etched into the back of her mind, and IIyana's mouth twisted into a frown."He had a tattoo," IIyana said with a raw voice. " A green serpent, outlined with black ink and red eyes. He had tried to ... wanted to ..."But she couldn't finish, and her voice trailed off. Painful pressure built behind her eyes, and she dug her nails into her palms to keep from crying. To stop herself from feeling weak and vulnerable all over again."Please do not share any of this with Solas," IIyana managed in a raw voice. "He will not stop until he finds the man, and I'm afraid he'll only get hurt. The same goes for all of you. The man is dangerous, and I can't - won't - let him take anything more from me than he already has."Cullen's face twisted with fury. Leliana gazed hardened while Josie released the breath she'd been holding. IIyana knew she was asking for more from the three of them than they were ready to give. But she shrugged with relief when one by one, each gave their silent fidelity.After IIyana and Josie left, Cullen reread the final report and released a heavy sigh. "Thank the Maker for Merrill," he said more to himself than his companion. "What do you think she was doing in the Emerald Graves? Last I heard she was an Apostate."Leliana looked up from the map and eyed Cullen with a knowing stare. "What does an Apostate do other than run from prosecution?"Cullen eyed her questioningly. Then his eyes widened as if he'd read her thoughts. "You knew this entire time? But how?"Leliana chuckled softly and gave him a smug smile. "You give me little credit, Commander. I have information on just about everyone. All except Solas.""You still don't trust him?""I trust no one," she admitted. "If being a Bard has taught me anything, it's that anyone - especially those closest to you - can be bought with coin."The two wrapped up their meeting and made arrangements to regroup tomorrow morning and discuss Skyhold's security. As Cullen took his leave, Leliana called him back."We're nearing the end of the month. When we reach Skyhold, you would have fulfilled your duty as Commander to the Inquisition."Cullen didn't hesitate when he said, "Not until I kill the man responsible.""Then, you are staying?""How can I leave now? The Inquisitor was taken from us by an enemy we've yet to identify. IIyana's report provided no clues or leads. The man can be anyone. Do you know what this means?""It means he has the advantage. Until we discover his identity, he can move within the shadows and strike at any time.""Exactly." Cullen nodded. "I can't, for the life of me, leave when I know the man is still out there. We've worked too hard, sacrificed too much, to let some random assailant prevent us from closing the Breach."As Leliana watched him go, she couldn't help but wonder if he was staying for the Inquisition or for IIyana. For the remainder of the day, IIyana was distracted. She took her meals, allowed Vivienne and Merrill to check on her bandages, and even managed to bathe.But she remained distracted. Lost in thought.Unreachable. Especially by Solas.And she knew it too. She knew it had everything to do with having to sit down and talk about her assailant and relive the memories. She'd been so sure the events wouldn't bother her - that the lingering impairment of fear and hopelessness - stemmed from her fight for survival. But now, it was becoming all too clear that it was more than that.Because Eldrid was back.She knew Solas was concerned. She'd seen the one too many glances he'd thrown her way. But she remained silent.Voiceless.Just like before.And now, in the shadows of the night, with moonlight streaming across his face as he slept, Solas looked so beautiful that he took her breath away. Never could she ever imagined loving someone as much as she loved him. He was her heart, her soul, her purpose.And she was afraid that she'd been tainted because someone else put their hand on her.Swallowing past the lump in her throat, she traced his features, memorizing every line and detail, etching each to memory so that she would never forget she'd loved and was loved.Because when she tells him what happened, IIyana wasn't too sure if he'd cast her out of his life. Just like what the Clan had done to her and Eri. Within days, IIyana became more isolated. She retreated to her tent, avoiding all company except when she took her meals, with Solas excusing her self-imposed isolation to her recovery.At night, she tossed and turned, unable to sleep. Now and then, Solas awakened to find her bedroll empty, with her taking refuge with whoever was in charge of the night's watch. Sometimes, when exhaustion finally hit, she'll fall into a deep slumber, only to cry awake from whatever demons were chasing her in the Fade.And of course, he investigated, even going into her dreams, but he could not make sense of what was haunting her. For when he did enter her nightmares, all he saw were dark shapes closing in on him.By the end of the week, she was exhausted, barely sleeping. One evening Solas returned to camp, having set wards around the perimeter, to find IIyana dozing off, back pressed against a tree. She looked so beautiful that his lips brushed against hers before he knew what had happened."NO!" She cried, pushing against him. When she realized it was Solas, she bit back a cry and ran into their shared tent, leaving him and the rest of the inner circle to speculate on the horrors she'd endured.When Solas returned to their tent that night, he was disappointed to find her asleep. Placing his hand against her cheek, he stroked her gently before turning to his side. After she was sure he'd fallen asleep, IIyana released the breath she'd been holding and curled herself into a tight, little ball, as if doing so would ward her from any danger. With no one to witness her distress, her emotions intensified and took over with every second that passed.She took deep breaths. It didn't work.She counted to ten. Unsuccessful.She imagined baking bread with her mother, gathering herbs with her father. She ran through all the prayers she could think of—complete failure.Instead, she felt the black shadow grow and crept, crawling into the back of her brain.Fuck - by Mythal's Blessings -not right now. Not fucking right now.But it was too late. Because images of Eldrid flashed in her mind, memories of his hands on her coiled like a venomous snake, twisting and turning, hissing with poison until it turned green with red eyes.Her skin crawled.She thinks she may vomit.Her shoulders shook again. This time a cry escaped her lips. IIyana covered her mouth with her hand, blighting into her flesh to stop herself from crying.Again. Too late.Despair wrapped around her heart, suffocating her, and tears stung her eyes.
Fuck. Not now. Not ever. Not again.
The seconds turned to minutes, and minutes felt like hours. Driven by anger and desperation, IIyana bit into her hand, tasting the warmth of her blood as it soaked into her mouth. She welcomed the pain, determined not to make any noise that would bring attention to her distress. But by the fucking Gods - she’d never felt so alone. Lying awake, Solas had never felt so helpless in his entire life. He listened with gut-wrenching sadness as IIyana’s shoulders shook with pain, and he hated that he hesitated to reach out. He didn’t want to scare her or take her by surprise as he’d done earlier that afternoon. The fear he’d seen, along with the horror that followed once she’d realized what had happened, had struck him deeper than anything he’d ever experienced. He cursed himself a thousand times a fool as he listened to her stifled her tears. She cried as if she was fighting for air, drowning in the darkness of her own making. After a few more minutes, Solas finally had enough. Gently, his arm reached across IIyana's body, and he pulled her back against his chest. He laid his cheek against hers and soothed her with his magic. "Shhhhh," he whispered, over and over again. "I"m here. I'm here. And you're safe, m'yana. Shhhhhh, it's alright." Hot tears flooded down her face, and her body heaved with grief.His arms tightened around her. Protectively. "You don't have to cry alone. I'm here. Let me carry your sadness with you.""I c-c-can't," she gasped when she finally found her voice.He waited, listening, watching as her body shook violently. Then he turned her back to face him. The torment in her eyes tore at his heart. She looked so lost and alone. "IIyana,” He implored achingly, brushing at her tears. "Tell me what’s wrong. Please don't shut me out. Please."She shook her head and hid her face against his chest in shame. “You'll hate me,” she gasped. Her breathing turned shallow and desperate. A long silence passed, and then Solas understood, as clearly as if her thoughts and feelings were his own. IIyana was afraid. She’d somehow believed that if she told him the truth, he’d turn away and reject her. He wanted to plead for her to trust him, but he couldn't’ force it on her any more than he could force himself to believe that Gods were real. And so he did the one thing he could think of - he reminded her of them. “IIyana,” he said softly. “Do you remember what you told me the morning after we returned from the Winter Palace? You said that as long as we can show up for one another - even when it hurts - we can get through anything.”Her breath hitched at the memory of her promise. It felt like a thousand lifetimes ago.“There is nothing you can’t share with me,” he pleaded in a raw voice. “Trust me with your fears. Give them to me, and I’ll help you carry them.” She turned and looked up at him with sadness and pleading eyes. “Pro-promise?”He touche her face and tried to smooth the lines of worry from her brow. What in the hell did she go through? Dread gripped his heart at a depth of sadness in her eyes. But he took a breath and stayed strong for her. "I promise."But when he looked down at IIyana, her eyes were troubled and filled with grief. Solas heart turned over, and he prepared to hear all of what she’d endured. "He touched me, Solas,” she choked out. Solas released a shuddering breath. He gathered her into his arms and held her tightly. His eyes closed at the terror she’d lived through. “He tried to put his hands on my body. And I - I feel so fucking dirty.""Did he -""No," she said. "But he would have."Solas’ relief was so great that it made him light-headed. He caught her face between his hands and stared down into her eyes. “You survived, IIyana, and that’s all that matters to me.” She shook her head as if she didn't believe him. "B-b-but would you still love me if he had - if he'd ...""That's a ridiculous question," Solas said without hesitation. And the tone of his voice told her that he spoke the truth. "I will always love you.""But I feel so broken.""I promise you that you're not." He insisted. "You are courageous and brave, and we'll get through this together." IIyana burst into tears and hugged him until he couldn’t breathe. Her body shook as tears slid down his neck. He didn’t say anything, though, because in truth, he wanted to cry himself.“I love you, Solas. Thank the Gods you came for me.”He pressed his forehead to hers, his lips dancing against her tears. “I’ll rage a thousand battles to bring you home, IIyana. No matter what happens, I will always find you.“
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
By the time the Inquisition returned to Skyhold, IIyana had become Thedas’ worst patient. She was healing at a remarkable rate, though not quickly enough for her satisfaction, and she frustrated herself and everyone else by pushing their limits. She trained with a reluctant Blackwall and took her meals at the tavern. And she insisted on resuming her duties, leaving her bed and hobbling around Skyhold, stubbornly ignoring Dorian’s exasperating stare. Even knowing that she couldn’t force her strength to return, that she would require two additional weeks of bed rest, time and patience to heal, IIyana couldn’t help herself. She would have kept going too, if it wasn’t for an overbearing Solas who went out of his way to stand in her way. By the Gods, she loved the man. And by the Gods, he drove her insane. He hovered over her like a mother hen. He catered to her every need with the love and patience of Mother Giselle, and there were times when IIyana was convinced Solas had been abducted and replaced with someone else. Not that she didn’t appreciate all the attention, but it would have helped if she could’ve provoked him into an argument—anything to show that her crusty old bat was still hidden beneath those warm, nurturing, blue eyes. IIyana understood why she needed to rest, but she wasn’t debilitated, either. She was more than capable of recovering and fulfilling her duties as Inquisitor, even if she wobbled around with bandages covering half her body. And it bothered her, this dependency on others. She’d never had to rely on anyone. Granted, as Inquisitor, she relied on the Inner Circle and her Advisors for guidance, but when it came to matters where she had people worried over her? It was too new. And now, to owe her life to the entire Inquisition … she was swamped with an unfamiliar mixture of gratitude and shame … and so her only recourse was to take refuge in her stubborn pride and resume life as usual. In fact, she insisted on it. So it came as no surprise one afternoon when Solas entered IIyana’s chamber to find her propped up in bed surrounded by colorful sheets of paper, knit knacks, fabrics in all shapes and sizes, while Josie sat by the edge of the bed, furiously taking notes. They were fawning over the last-minute details of Satinalia, in which Skyhold will be closed afterward for a week. The pair chatted animatedly, laughing like two little girls attending their first party when Solas cleared his throat. “Good afternoon,” he greeted softly. “Oh,” Josie shrieked, the clipboard she carried clutched tightly against her chest. Her cheeks flushed with guilt. They all knew IIyana should be resting. “I - I - I was just --” “You have nothing to apologize for, Lady Josephine,” Solas gently interrupted. “Knowing the Inquisitor, she pressured you into it.” He crossed his arms over his chest and waited patiently for IIyana to make her excuses. The incredulous look on her face was laughable. In fact, Solas had to bite back his laughter. IIyana took a deep breath, trying to talk her way into a miracle. “Vhenan. Darling. You look well,” she said in her sweetest voice. “Please, won’t you come join us?” She’d even patted the side of her bed for effect. Solas shook his head. “I specifically informed you this morning that you were to rest.”“Yes, and as Inquisitor, I have duties I need to attend to.”“Your duties can wait.”Josie glanced to IIyana, who exchanged a peeved glare with Solas. “Forgive me, it was I who sought her when I knew she should be sleeping.”As Josie spoke, IIyana stole a glance at Solas, who continued to stare at her with an unhappy frown. She could hear the wheels in his head spin. Yep, IIyana was correct - she was in for a blistering lecture and could already hear him lit into her about being irresponsible with her health. Josie, dear Josie, was still rambling on when IIyana moaned loudly. “Save your words, Josie,” IIyana stated. “We’ve been caught. He knows we’re conspiring against him. Run. Save yourself from a long-winded lecture.” “IIyana, behave!” Josie chided and threw Solas an apologetic stare. “We were just wrapping up.” She got up from the bed and hastily gathered her things. The only sounds were the shuffling of papers, fabrics being folded, and the wind stealing into the room as if to mock them.Solas neither moved nor spoke. Knowing she was really in for it, IIyana looked at Josie and pleaded, “I changed my mind. You don’t have to go.”Josie cast a glance over her shoulder, noting Solas grim expression, and shook her head, mouthing the words, “ no, you’re on your own.” IIyana gasped. She reached for Josie, who sidestepped her quickly. “Oh my, look at the time, Inquisitor,” Josie said in a sweet but unapologetic voice. Anything to escape Solas’ wrath. “It’s half past noon. I have other duties to attend to.”“Traitor!” IIyana shrieked. She launched for Josie’s clipboard and tried to wrestle it away. Finally, having lost his patience, Solas flicked his wrist, releasing a small spell in IIyana's direction, and he pushed back against the guilt when she cried out.“Ouch!” IIyana yelped, clutching her hand against her chest. She swatted the pain away and glanced up at Josie, then Solas, and froze. His trying to avoid her gaze told her everything she needed to know - The crusty old bat had stung her. With magic! That was the lowest of lows. Astonished, she fell back against the pillows. “You awful, awful man.”“IIyana, that was nothing but a sting,” Solas said gently. He came over and took her hand. His grasp was firm but gentle as he whispered a breath of ice frost against her skin. He lifted his head, gazed into her eyes, and gave her a small smile. “Better?”She nodded. “A little bit.”“Good.” Solas reached a hand to brush the wisps of hair that had escaped her messy bun. Her skin was soft underneath his touch. Seeing that she was no longer needed, Josie took the opportunity to bid them goodbye. “Thank you for your time, Inquisitor. I’ll make sure a meal is brought up to you shortly.”As if pulled from her trance, IIyana snapped back to reality, eyes wide. “No, Josie, don’t go.” Solas rolled his eyes and turned back to Josie, who was scrambling to hold all the materials in her arms. “Here, let me help you.” He grabbed a handful of fabrics and loose papers while Josie gathered the rest of the items. “After you, Lady Josephine.”“You traitor! You work for me!” IIyana cried from the bed.“Ignore her. She is merely having a bad day.” Solas threw IIyana a triumphant smirk as he followed Josie down the stairs.“No! Don’t go. Jo-Josie! We have things to do. We need to finalize Empress Celene’s visit and gather enough resources for the Hinterlands for winter! Josie! Jo! Josephine Montilyet, you get back here right now!”Halfway down the steps, Josephine stopped and glanced back up at the landing. IIyana’s words pulled at her heartstring and turned to Solas with a guilty look. Understanding her conflict, Solas shook his head. “She’ll be fine --”He was interrupted by a pitiful - rather dramatic - wail. “This may be the last time you see me for a while,” IIyana cried, her voice caring down to where they stood. “Tell Eri that I love him. And Dorian, too. Better yet, let all of Skyhold know that it’s been an honor for me to lead them.”“IIyana!” Solas roared. A tic formed at his jaw. He said nothing at all as he looked up at the landing. For several moments there was a moment of silence, then IIyana’s soft voice reached their ears.“Okay …”Josie turned a peculiar shade of red. “I’ll make sure she is not disturbed for the rest of the week, and I’ll redirect her duties to Cassandra in the meantime.” “She won’t like it, and I appreciate the support.”
It was a chilly winter afternoon, when Solas made his way to IIyana’s room and came to a sudden stop as the door opened and an aggravated Eri greeted him. Solas looked up and down and said. “What’s happened this time?”“IIyaa,” Eri said, his voice biting. “is behaving like an ill-bred child. She threw her porridge at me. At me!” He pointed to the pieces of grain caked unto his skin.Solas frowned. IIyana had behaved impossibly since her duties were restricted. And oh, Solas knew IIyana knew he was behind it, mostly since scathing letters had been delivered to him on her behalf, and he’d avoided the confrontation as long as he could. He’d heard she’d been demanding, irritable, and rude because of it. But to throw her porridge at Eri was too much. Solas sighed. “I’ll speak with her, Eri.” Eri crossed his arms over his chest, blaming Solas as much as he blamed IIyana for this mess. “She’s in a foul mood today, Solas. Be wary. I haven’t seen her this irate since we were young.” “I find that hard to believe,” Solas scoffed, reflecting on the many times IIyana had turned her fury on him. “She yells at me all the time.”“How much longer do we have to deal with this?”“One more week.”“Ghilan’nain fuck me in the ass. You need to fix this. Now.” Solas chuckled, understanding Eri’s ire. “For what it’s worth, I know she finds comfort to have you here. She needs you, despite her present attitude.”“She is just as difficult as Cassie,” Eri growled in his throat. “Woman - all they do is bring us trouble.”Solas walked into the bedchamber and came to stand by IIyana’s bed. Her arms were crossed at her chest, and he took note of her flushed face. Porridge stained the sheets, the grainy texture trailing from the edge of her bed, dancing across the thick rug, landing where the porcelain bowl lay broken by the fireplace. Patiently, he sat down next to her, a frown on his forehead. IIyana cocked an eyebrow and said, her voice nasty. “What do you want?”“You’re being rude, and you’ve been rude since you woke up yesterday morning. It needs to stop.”“Yes, Keeper.”He didn’t take the bait. “IIyana, this has gone on long enough.” Her eyes narrowed on his face. “You’re giving me orders? In case you’ve forgotten, I’m your boss.” Solas disregarded her comment. “You shouldn’t have thrown your porridge at Eri. He’s the only ally you have at the moment. And you shouldn’t have threatened Dorian with harm. The man would walk through purgatory for you --”“You’re one to talk - you nearly beat him senseless a month ago.”“ -- As for Josie, she was nearly in tears when you snapped at her for doing her job. Now, as for your behavior with Cullen, telling him to grow a pair and train you --”“He has one job, Solas. One job.” She snapped. Solas took a deep breath. “If you’re upset, take it out on me. Not at the people who wish for you to get better --”“I'm thirsty.”Solas took a deep breath. “Here, let me.” Solas reached for the empty glass, filled it with water, and handed it to her. “Something is floating in my water.”Solas picked up the half-filled drinking glass and viewed it critically. “I don’t see anything.”“It’s in there,” IIyana replied grumpily. “Must we disagree on everything, or will you fetch me clean water? Better yet, grab me some brandy.” “No.”“You’re no fun.” She said testily. “If you’re not going to help me, then you might as well leave.”Solas bit back his reply with remarkable self-control, emptied the glass over the balcony and poured a fresh drink for her. He brought it back, set it on her nightstand, and gave her a patient smile. “Anything else I can assist you with?”“It’s too hot in here. Open the windows.”“IIyana, it’s freezing. You’ll catch a chill.” “But it’s too stuffy in here and I’m hot. What if I faint from the heat?”Solas went to the double glass doors farthest from her bed and cracked them afar. A wash of winter air and pale sunlight filled the room, shadowing him in light. Solas looked like one of those marble carvings easily found at the Winter Palace with his tall stature and rigid stance. “Is this better?”“My bandages are too tight.”Padding back to her side, Solas sat on the bed and bent over her, instructing her to turn a little, and she felt him gently loosening the bandages and retying the ends. The touch of his fingers on her skin, so delicate and soft, caused her pulse to throb sharply. His breath was warm against her neck. He smelled of clean air and morning sun, and all IIyana wanted to do was throw herself at him and melt into his arms. “It’s … hot in here. I think - I think you should open another window.” Ignoring her command, Solas sat on the mattress, leaning over her until he was so close, he might as well tilt her chin up for a kiss. She sat motionlessly in anticipation, but her body reacted sharply as she felt him draw a finger along the side of her jaw. “How are you feeling today, IIyana?”“Bored. I’m so bored. I think I may go insane.”“What can I do to help?”“Entertain me. Read me a book. Tell me a story. Anything to take my mind off the fact that I’m practically useless at the moment.” “You are anything but that,” he said. He gently pushed IIyana back against the pillow, leaned over, and kissed her. It surprised her as much as it surprised him.IIyana sighed, all thoughts fluttered out the window. “You’re trying to take advantage of a helpless woman.”“Yes,” he said. “I suppose I am.” He kissed her again, very lightly. He felt her lips part and her tongue stroke over his lower lip.“IIyana,” he said, lifting his head again, “you shouldn't do that.”“Why the hell not? You’ve taken away my duties and forced me to rest. I’m bored to tears, and here you are offering yourself to me, knowing that I can’t do a damn thing about it. It’s cruel --”“Yana.” Solas released her with a savage groan and left the bed as if he were a torture rack. “I want you more than I can bear. Don’t make this even more difficult.”She gasped. “What! You kissed me!”“I shouldn’t have. I apologize for my lack of discipline.”“Apology accepted,” she said quickly. She moved on the bed to make room for him. “Now, how about you come lie next to me and just … hold me. I miss you and I’m lonely.” He chuckled softly. “You know what would happen if we try that. I’ll have you flat on your back in five minutes.”“I disagree. It’ll take less than thirty seconds.”Solas closed his eyes and shook his head at the images of her arching against him. “Behave, Yana.”Seeing that she’d already lost the battle, IIyana lowered her voice and whispered his name. “Solas…”She looked so pitiful, he thought her adorable. He came back to the bed. A wobbly smile curved her lips, and she slid her arms around his neck and buried her face against his neck. “I’m not going to make love to you tonight, ” he murmured, his thumb stroking her temples. “But to ease your disappointment, how about I make up for it by giving you a bath?”
IIyana let out a long sigh and closed her eyes, letting the steam and the heat from the water engulf her, taking her thoughts with him. Well … most of her thoughts.Thoughts that did not include Solas, with his tempting lips, irresistible eyes, and muscled body that triggered erotic images of limbs intertwined against all surfaces of skyhold. By the Gods, what is wrong with her? “Lean back, Yana,”She did as she was bid and closed her eyes as the warm water washed over her hair. Reaching for one of the fragrant bottles that aligned her wooden tub, Solas worked the liquid between his hands and massaged his fingers into her hair, working the solution into a bubbly lather. IIyana sighed happily. “You spoil me, Solas.”And so, Solas found himself washing a woman's hair for the first time in his life. He found that he rather enjoyed it, the way IIyana leaned her head back, releasing a series of heavy breaths, as he massaged his fingers into her scalp. It was one of the most intimate things he’d ever done, and it surprised him when he envisioned doing this every night … for the rest of his life. After rinsing her hair, Solas helped IIyana out of the tub. When she was cleaned and dried, she returned to her newly made bed and allowed Solas to bandage her wound. Then he walked to her desk, picked up chapter fifteen of Hard in Hightown. IIyana chuckled. “When did you become a fan?”Solas gave her a smile that was more smirk than a smile. “I’ve always been a fan.” From the moment Solas began reading, she could see, feel, almost touch the characters... He molded his voice around the words in a way that made them come alive, never stumbling once, never stammering, never pausing over information that was too new for him to have possibly read before. Lying against his chest, her eyes closed, IIyana fell into the story, imagining everything she heard about Donnen and the people he met along the way. When Solas stopped reading, she wanted to beg him to continue. As she opened her eyes, she was surprised to find that she wasn't still at the Hanged Man tavern. She was also surprised to find that it was nearly sundown, and Solas had been reading to her for most of the afternoon. “That was wonderful,” IIyana breathed when she managed to bring herself back to the present. Snuggling closer, she looked at him, eyes drowsy with sleep. “You have a gift for storytelling, Solas. I can listen to you speak forever.”Solas pulled away and arched a brow in question. “Is that so? Remember when you went out of your way to interrupt me at every turn?”“I was rather opinionated back in the day.”“You still are,” he said and placed a chaste kiss upon her brow. Then he tucked her back into his chest, his fingers running through her hair peacefully. They remain silent for a moment, each lost in their thoughts. Then, very quietly, she whispered. “We can quit now and join the theatre.” His hand stilled. “And leave the Inquisition?”“Why not? With your talents and my negotiation skills, we can make a name for ourselves in Orlais then travel across Thedas. We’ll write and produce plays and make a living like two ordinary people.”“Seriously?”“Seriously,” she smiled. “We really can. We can save that money and open up a book store and represent hopeful artists. And we can contract with Varric to print his books.”Solas drew away and glanced down to find IIyana avoiding his gaze. Instead, she focused her attention on her fingers as she traced a floral print onto his shirt. He tilted her chin, forcing her to look up at him. “It sounds to me like you’ve given this a lot of thought, Yana.”She had. And it frightened her because she knew she would gladly leave the Inquisition for him. She would gladly pack her things tonight if he’d asked her. “Don’t pay me any attention, Solas. I was just being silly. That was a ridiculous dream, wasn’t it?” Her voice trailed off. She looked away from him, her cheeks burning, and she made a move to roll out of bed. He stopped her, rolling her beneath him on the mattress. Before he could reply, she brought a finger to his lips, silencing his response. “Let’s drop it for tonight. I’m tired anyways.”His gaze was tender and loving, but he did not force the issue. Instead, he pulled IIyana back into his arms and held her for the rest of the night.
Leliana came to visit the next morning. She insisted it was a personal matter and when Solas left the two women alone, Leliana produced a small package that had arrived from Clan Lavellan. Inside were two letters, one addressed to IIyana. The other was accompanied by a small item wrapped in cloth and directed to Eri. IIyana tore opened her letter and scanned its contents. “Deshanna writes that bandits are attacking Clan Lavellan. The raiders are well armed and heavily armored and our hunters are outmatched.”“Are they safe?”“Yes, they’ve settled in a small unclaimed valley not far from Wycome. But she is afraid of future attacks.”“I’ll send some of my agents to investigate. In the meantime, the security for Santinalia has been finalized, and I’m confident that no harm will come your way.”“Thank you, Leliana.”After her advisor left, IIyana’s eyes fell on the small bundle on top of her desk. She closed her eyes and exhaled, summoning the courage she knew she would need to hand it over to Eri. Though she knew Deshanna’s intentions were pure, the bundle's arrival put IIyana in a predicament that challenged her loyalties. In the years since Eri’s exile, her relationship with Deshanna slowly repaired itself over time. But if she were forced to choose, she would always choose Eri. She felt conflicted, and she needed counsel. IIyana shoved the letter into her desk and went in search of the Solas. “What can I help you with?” Solas pushed his chair away from the desk and wrapped his arms around IIyana, pulling her into his lap. She smelled of crystal grace and a hint of mint from the tea she’d consumed earlier that morning. Their conversation the night before had left him pondering their future, and he was in the middle of revisiting the possibility when she’d arrive.“I have a problem on my hands,” she said after greeting him with a chaste kiss. A kiss that left them both wanting more. His arms slid up to her back, “I’m listening.”“I received a package from Deshanna, addressed to Eri. I don’t know the contents, but I hesitate to give it to him.”“I’m sure there’s a reason why.”IIyana sighed. She began tracing an intricate design into his shirt, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. “After the death of his parents, no one in the Clan had the patience for a boy who lashed out at his elders and started fights at every opportunity. But Deshanna did. She somehow saw past all that anger and realized that Eri was just a little boy who needed love and attention.”Solas nodded. “She became someone he looked up to.”“More like a parent, honestly. Then Eldrid happened.” At the name, IIyana felt Solas stiffened, and she laced her hand with his - a promise that she was okay. “The Clan hurt him, Solas. But not as much as Deshanna did when she didn’t protect him.”“She rejected him. I can see why you’re hesitating. You don’t want to open those wounds.”Astonished at the level of compassion he was expressing, IIyana pulled away and blinked in surprise. “Vhenan, where did you learn how to speak like that?”He chuckled. “I learned it from you.”“Sweet talker.” IIyana leaned in for a sweet kiss and when his lips brushed against hers, the entire world melted away. All that mattered was him. When she finally broke the kiss, she sighed. “You taste of sunshine.”He flushed. All the way to the tips of his ears. The pleasure at the sweet words filled his heart warmly. To the point where it nearly burst. “Ahhh, you’re blushing Solas. I do admit, I like seeing you all flushed. And that makes two.”“I see my habits are rubbing off,” he said. “What was number one?”“Oh, number one is my favorite. It’s the last time you made love to me and as I was riding the waves —““Yana!”“And that makes number three.”“You are incorrigible.” Solas shook his head. He was feeling hot and if he wasn’t careful, he’ll have other reasons to use his desk. Clearing his throat, he asked. “Do you trust Eri will be able to handle this?” Remembering why she sought him to begin with, IIyana nodded. “Yes, I do.”“Then let him make the decision.” He kissed her again to silence her protests. “If you could, I know you will protect everyone from getting hurt, especially Eri. But the decision to open that letter belongs to Eri. You cannot make it for him.”“By the Gods, why are you right about this?”“Because I’m Solas.”“Your vanity is showing again,” She scoffed. “Dorian has obviously rubbed off of you. Speaking of Dori, have you apologized?”Solas grimaced. “I was hoping to avoid it. But I’ll find him after.”“Good. Then I’ll see you after?”Solas nodded. She kissed the side of his neck, then cheek, and untangled herself from his arms. When she was halfway across the rotunda, he called her back.“Yana.” He brought his eyes to meet hers, his breath caught in his throat, and it took him a moment to find his voice. “It wasn’t a silly dream.”Solas knew he’d caught her by surprise because she flushed, a shade of pink that promised him forever. He saw a thousand different emotions shift between her eyes as she struggled to find words. Then she gave him a very sweet and very shy smile and nodded before heading out in search of Eri.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Merrill was sitting at a corner table eating by herself when IIyana walked into the Tavern looking for Eri. The elven woman kept to herself, though every now and then, she glanced up as if she’d expected to see a familiar face. When she found none, she turned her attention to the soup and bread sitting in front of her. In the days following their return to Skyhold, IIyana had not seen Merrill nor provided her with a proper word of appreciation for saving her life. And now, as she studied the woman, IIyana thought that behind Merrill’s fixed smile, she appeared lonely and sad as if her thoughts were thousands of miles away, despite the animated chatter happening around them. The loneliness tugged at IIyana’s heart and reminded her of the many nights she and Eri ate alone with nothing but the open sky for company.IIyana decided to interrupt and walked over.“Hello, Merrill.”Startled, Merrill knocked over her glass of water, and the spoon she’d used for soup clattered unto the table. A splash of beef broth landed on IIyana’s cheek, several on the sleeve of her tunic. “Oh dear, oh dear. Inquisitor, I’m so sorry.” Taking the ends of her sleeve, Merrill dabbed at IIyana’s cheek. “By the creators, why am I always making a mess. I’m not usually this clumsy, I swear.” IIyana smiled and opened her mouth to respond, but she was quickly interrupted by Merrill’s gasp.“And your shirt! Oh, I’ve ruined it, haven’t I?” Merrill held onto IIyana’s wrist and wrinkled her nose as she examined the stain that had already settled deep into the rich fabric. “That’s going to stick. I think you should burn it.”“I’ll schedule the fire for tomorrow afternoon, how does that sound?”Merrill gave her an awkward smile. “I hated this shirt anyway,” IIyana explained and stopped Merrill from spewing more apologies. “Please, no worries. Sit.”Once settled, IIyana gestured for the table to be cleaned. After a fresh bowl of soup and bread was placed in front of Merrill, along with two cups of warm apple cider, IIyana gave her companion an apologetic smile. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your meal and make a mess of things, but I wanted to thank you for saving my life.” “Oh, I didn’t really do that much. It’s just what anyone would have done for another one of the People.” Merrill picked anxiously at her nails. “Or should do, at any rate.”“You saved me because I was Dalish?” IIyana asked softly, and at Merrill's confused expression, she pinked and quickly blurted. “Forgive me, I didn’t mean to sound rude or unappreciative. It’s just that I wouldn’t have known what it felt like to be offered aid because I’m one of the People. I guess what I'm trying to say is I haven’t felt connected to the Dalish in a long time, so I’m always surprised when I’m reminded that I’m one of them.”Despite her light tone, the slight melancholy in the Inquisitor’s voice told Merrill more than the words spoken aloud. “You said you left your Clan awhile ago. Did something happen?” IIyana asked, hoping to change the topic. “I’m sure Varric could tell you about it,” Merrill said tightly, more to herself than to the Inquisitor.IIyana could tell that whatever happened between Merrill and her Clan did not end well. If anything, the woman still carried the scars. “I shouldn’t have asked such a personal question, and I didn’t mean to intrude," she said softly. Merrill shook her head. “No. It’s alright. I suppose it’s been a long time since I’ve felt properly Dalish as well.” Then, just as quietly. “I’m glad you’re feeling better. The elf was very strict about visitations.”IIyanna grinned. “Solas is like that with everyone. He tends to get motherly sometimes.”“Believe me, I’ve noticed.” At IIyana’s laughter, Merrill clutched her hands together in embarrassment. “Oh dear. Oh dear, here I go saying the wrong things again. I wish Aveline was here. She’d always remind me of the right things to say.” “No offense taken. I love the man, but he’s beginning to drive me insane. I’m surprised I haven’t plotted his death.”“He loves you.”“He does,” IIyana sighed. “How is your stay at Skyhold? I asked Josie to make sure you were well taken care of.” Merrill smiled and placed her hands on the table, a sign that she was becoming comfortable. “It’s very large, isn’t it? And full of cold stone. I mean, it’s in the mountains so of course, it is. I must sound very silly. But the people here are very friendly.”“Unlike Kirkwall, I imagined.” “Oh, the people in Kirkwall weren’t too bad. But they were always doing things like putting their hands in your pockets without asking. Which is too bad because if they just asked, I don’t think I would have minded terribly.”“Varric said Kirkwall was chaotic, but the people managed to find common ground, depending on what the next crisis was.”Merrill agreed. “But by the end, everyone was fighting with everyone, and you couldn’t go outside without needing to shank someone. But then Hawke and Isabela left, and even Aveline couldn’t get everyone to stop, even though she’s very good at hitting people. So I thought I might leave too.” Merrill shrugged, reflecting on the past. “Will you ever return to Kirkwall?”“I don’t know. I remembered Fenris talked about feeling.”At the man’s name, IIyana stiffened lightly, and she swallowed the guilt that unexpectedly hit her like a wave. For a moment, she no longer saw Merrill, instead, she saw a dark-haired man with eyes that told her he’d already accepted his fate. “Tell Fenris I love him,” Hawke had said … but IIyana never did. Not even a letter written to the elven man to let him know she was responsible for his death. Merrill's next words snapped IIyana back to the present. “It’s just that Fenris used to be so grumpy, like a crotchety old man that might splinter into a thousand pieces if he smiled even a little or felt anything. But then he and Hawke --” Merrill bit her lip. “It’s good - him and Hawke. It’s good they were happy, after having spent far too much time moaning and pining.” The words seemed a little clipped, forced as if it pained her to continue. And underneath all those unspoken layers, IIyane realized that Fenris wasn’t the only person who loved Hawke. Reaching out, IIyana placed a hand on top of Merrill’s hand and was surprised when one was laid upon hers. “Fenris used to make fun of me for saying that feelings were important, but in the end, he talked about how much it felt - to have a person and a community to grow your roots. I guess I’m still looking for something like that, too.”
Eri stood at the top of the highest battlement and stared moodily out into the open world. Above, the sun gleamed bright and reflected boldly off the snow-covered terrain. In the distance, the Frostback Mountains glistened and shown like silver, quiet and peaceful, as not to disturb the pristine surface. It was a tranquil sight but yet his insides were in complete turmoil. He’d never had the luxury of domestic bliss, and he definitely wasn’t one to go out of his way to create emotional attachments. But as of late, he’d begun to look forward to the daily rituals of Inner Circle - the morning banters at the Tavern, the training sessions with Blackwall, and the ongoing death threats received from Cassandra. He was becoming too comfortable here … which meant it was time to leave.He wanted to stay. Yes. There was a part of him that desperately wanted to. He’d only just reunited with IIyana after years apart, and he’d been openly welcomed into the Inquisition as if he were family. People knew his name and invited him out for drinks, cards even, and not just because he can provide them a service, but because they enjoyed his company. It was the camaraderie of the Inner Circle and the charm of Skyhold that continued to draw him in like a moth to a flame.But such thoughts were dangerous, and once seeded had taken root and it shamed him that he gave it more thought with each passing day. To live here. To be a part of a family. The wind picked up, and he bundled the heavy jacket around him. Pulling a smoke from his pocket, Eri lit it and filled his lungs with a mix of royal elf-root and mushrooms, a unique blend that brought him little comfort as he stared back at the mountains, lost in thought. The sound of footsteps turned him around, a blistering set of words ready to fly at whoever was intruding on his space. When he saw that it was IIyana, he relaxed a little and took another puff of smoke. “There you are,” she said in barely above a whisper. She quickly moved to his side. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. I have some news to share.”“I do, too.” IIyana glanced up at Eri in surprise and noted that the lines of worry about his eyes and mouth told her that whatever he wanted to share was an urgent matter. Eri released another puff of smoke. “I’m leaving Skyhold after Wintersend. The roads would be clear by then, safer to travel too.”IIyana went still. The entire world went deathly quiet, and only the howl of the wind could be heard. Cold rush through her, blanketing her bones in frigid layers. “Well … say something,” he grumbled.She stammered. “You mean you’re leaving Ferelden. For how long?”“For good, actually.”As IIyana absorbed the information, her bright green eyes narrowed. “And where do you plan to go?”Eri shrugged. “Back to Antiva, where I’ve lived for the past ten years. I’d planned to leave anyway --- don’t give me that face, IIyaa. You always knew this visit was temporary.”“Yes, but I’d hope you would change your mind. It’s been wonderful having you here.”“Don’t get me wrong, Skyhold has its charms. I can see myself staying here for a long time --”“Then why do you have to leave?”“Because domestic life isn’t for me,” Eri confessed with a sad smile. “No matter how much you want it for me. Besides, I have friends waiting for my return.”“Friends?” IIyana scoffed. “You mean clients who pay you coin to kill for them. It’s dangerous work and that is no way to live, Erion.”Erion - his full name. She’d only ever used it when she was disappointed in him. Or when she felt that she knew best. And it annoyed him. He could feel himself getting rattled up; he could feel the tension in his shoulders stretching, tightening. “At least it’s an honest living,” Eri snapped, his tone harsher than he intended. “What you and I do are no different - we have something the world needs, and they pay for our services through coin. Yours just happens to include political alliances and a fancy castle.” IIyana opened her mouth to argue, but Eri cut her off. “Take all the glamour away, and you and I will still be elves IIyaa, slumming away in alienages or living off the land, pretending to be better than our counterparts. We’ll always be third-class citizens to the world. Knife-Ears in the eyes of the Shem.”“But that’s not true … the world is changing. The Elves have more than earned their place in this world. Take the Hero of Ferelden for example, she was an elf and stood by Warden Alistair to save us all from the blight. With my political alliances, we can change things. Make it better for the Elves.”Eri sighed. “I’ll leave the political stuff to you. Besides, I hang out with mercenaries, thieves, and pirates and live half my life in a tavern. I bring no value to the table.”“What are you talking about? You are worth more than a million lives, and I hope you know that” IIyana countered. She felt him relax, and they stood in comfortable silence. After a few moments, she said. “I didn’t mean to strike a nerve.”“Well, you did. And this isn’t about you. It’s about me and what I want. I’m not a babe needing to be protected from the harsh realities of the world.” “Alright. Alright. I hear you. Point taken.” The wind picked up again, and with an unspoken apology, the two Lavellans huddled for warmth. Despite the cold, they both raised their faces to the sun and enjoyed the crisp cool air upon their cheeks. IIyana took in the warmth, the cold, and was about to suggest they returned inside when Eri pulled her closer. “IIyaa …” Eri said softly. The air suddenly changed, shifting from relaxed to almost … melancholy. “If anything had happened to you ... if you had died ...”They haven't really spoken since the Emerald Graves and there was much to say. But for now, IIyana cared only to give him comfort. “But I didn’t and that’s all that matters. I don’t blame you for anything, and you have to forgive yourself for the things that were out of your control.”“I could have done more.”There was such torment in his voice that it dawned on her that he wasn’t talking about the Emerald Graves. He was talking about the past and the chains that still kept him imprisoned. She looked him straight in the eye so that he’ll know she spoke the truth. “You did enough. You did more than enough.” IIyana thought back to the conversation she had with Merrill and the unspoken grief of losing one’s People, and her heart hurt for all of them, and she wondered if comforting their demons will set them free. “Eri … will you visit the Clan before you go?”Confused as to why she would ask such a thing, Eri stiffened. “Now why in the hell would I do that?”“Because they’re family.”“Not mine. They’ve lost that privilege long ago.” Eri noted the stress in her eyes, the tension lining her mouth and his gaze narrowed. Dangerously. “You only talk about the Clan when you have news. Is this what you wanted to share with me?”IIyana inhaled deeply, ready to deny it. But Eri was Eri and he called her bluff with a shake of his head. “Unbelievable. What the hell does she have to say this time.”IIyana released a heavy sigh. “A letter arrived from Deshanna. The Clan was harassed but they’ve relocated to Wycome. They’re safe now, from what I can tell, and the Inquisition is sending agents and additional troops for protection.”“And why are you telling me this?”“Because Deshanna sent you a letter, along with something else. Trust me, I know how you feel about her and I hesitated to tell you at all.”“Then why did you?” He asked, his voice flat, giving away nothing. “I don’t care for any updates on the Clan, and I sure as hell don’t care for any news about her.”“I think she is trying, Eri …” Those words sparked to life a feeling he didn’t want to confront, and he quickly pushed them away. Frustrated with the past, with himself, and especially with IIyana for her meddling ways, Eri snapped. “Is this a ploy to get me to stay?”Taken aback by his comment, IIyana frowned. “What? Of course not. I think I've made it pretty clear that I want you here, and I don’t have to resort to emotional manipulation to tell you how I feel about you leaving, either. The choice is yours to make, Eri. I”m not going to force you into anything you don't want to do.” “So you say,” he snickered and flicked the half-smoked cigarette over the side. “What the hell does that mean?”“I don’t fucking know.” Eri took another elf-root from his pocket and hastily lit it. “Look, I'm sorry - that was dick of me. I didn't mean to imply anything. It’s just that every time Deshanna comes up, I get -- I just --- FUCK! It doesn’t put me in a good headspace.” His contempt for Deshanna echoed into the distance. He turned around and fought back the anger that was threatening to consume him. Oh, how he hated it. How much control she still had over him. Damn Deshanna. Damn her for popping back into his life after a decade of silence. She could have spoken up for him, she could have defended him, but her silence spoke of where she stood, with him and with the Clan. Damn her. He didn’t owe her anything. A memory of Deshanna flashed before him.
“You are nothing but trouble. You bring nothing but pain and embarrassment to the Clan. I regret the day I didn’t send you away.”
Then other memories - Deshanna standing idly as the Elders chastised him. Deshanna looking away with shame as he failed to bring his first pelt. Deshanna doing nothing as her rejection bled him dry from the inside. Before he knew it, Eri felt the walls closed in around him. He felt the panic rise from his belly to his chest, tightening the muscles, restricting his breath. His heart beat frantically against his chest, and he trembled from head to toe. By the fucking Gods, he hadn't felt an attack like this in a long time and he felt like a youth of eighteen all over again. He needed to leave. He needed to get away. He … couldn’t … breathe.Before the darkness took over, Eri felt hands encircled his waist, pulling him down to the ground, followed by a tingle of magic - soft, warm, soothing - and loving words that reminded him he was safe. Over and over again, IIyana soothed him. She gave him love and kindness and peace. She gave him the one thing he’d always desired above anything else - to be heard and to be seen. She gave him the words he’d wished Deshanna had given him before casting him out of the Clan. And when he was finally able to find his voice, he spoke as if he were a child.“I fucking hate that woman.” He stammered painfully, chest tight, breath wheezing as if he’d been held underwater.“I know,” IIyana soothed.She tightened her arms around him, wishing she could take his pain away. As his shoulders shook, IIyana brushed back her own tears. She was angry - at herself because she should have known better, at Deshanna for putting them in this position, and at the world for hurting Eri. Most of all, she was angry because the two of them had been dealt a shitty hand of cards and he was still learning to live with it. But how can he when his wounds went deeper than he realized? The day dawned bright in brilliant contrast to the previous night's raging storm, which had all but flooded the valley where they’ve temporarily made camp. An exhausted young hunter lay sprawled against the base of a tree, a little chilled from the battle raged against nature’s wrath. With his eyes closed and body slowly turning blue, he looked close to death, and she bit back a cry of distress. A commotion to her right forced her to turn away from the prayer she’d offered to the Gods. She grimaced as she watched men, women, and children scrambled through puddles of mud, snow and ice. Half of their supplies had been swept away, and the Clan was salvaging whatever they could before nightfall. They worried they would not have enough food to last the week, though none voiced their concerns out loud.Deshanna turned her attention back to the heavens. Eyes closed and heart open, she prayed for strength.
“Mythal, all-mother, protector of the People, watch over us, for the path we tread is perilous. Save us from the darkness, as you did before, and we will sing your name to the heavens.”
“Forgive the interruption, Keeper.”Deshanna turned to My’rina, a young woman of twenty summers. She was taller than most, with red hair and bright green eyes, and a smile that conveyed trust and innocence. “Da’len, what is it.” “The scouts reported that a small group of men sent by the Inquisition will reach our camp in thirty minutes.”For the first time in days, Deshanna held her head high. Oh, by Mythal’s Blessing, her prayers were answered after all. “Are you sure? Could they be bandits instead?”“No, we’re sure. They had the letter you sent to Skyhold in their possession along with one from Inquisitor Lavellan. They are here to offer aid in whatever way they can.”Relieved, Deshanna nodded. “And among the men was ...” her voice trailed off as the unexpected emotions filled her chest and took her breath, “ … was there an elf-man among them.” My’rina shook her head. “I’m sorry, Keeper. The scouts reported twenty agents - twelve men, eight women, all human.”Deshanna thanked the young huntress for her update but did not let her disappointment show and walked to her aravel. As of late, her steps had slowed and the wooden staff she’d used to help her did little to hasten her steps. It felt like a lifetime by the time she reached her door.Inside, she took in the shelves lined with Elven lore and assorted herbs tied together and clipped onto a string to dry. By the window was a small table that seated two, a rack to hold clothes, and a collection of knit knacks she’d acquired throughout her travels. But it was the heavy, red chest decorated with gold leaves, covered with a cloth and used as a nightstand, that held her attention. She’d remember the day Eri had brought her the chest after half her journals were damaged from a leak in the roof.
“I made this for you, Keeper. The lock was crafted by a blacksmith I befriended. You don’t need a key, but a combination of these three leaf symbols will open it. It’s sturdy and I’d even made sure to test it out by tossing it in the river. There is also a secret compartment on the bottom that you can fill with other items. I know you love your books and was upset when they were ruined. So I made you something to keep them safe, like how you always kept me safe.”
Oh - what a fool she'd been. A bitter old fool.The chest smelled of parchment paper and books and dust. She’d carefully removed each item until her hand found the latch, and a small tug released the mechanism with a click, allowing her to remove the wooden board from the bottom. There were many more personal items - two baby blankets, two bracelets woven by old thread, a small hunter's bow made for a boy, a knife that held painful memories, and a box carved from wood found deep in the Emerald Graves. It had been almost two decades since she’d opened the box. The weight of it felt heavy in her hands - not only from the rich wood but from the guilt she’d carried since Eri left. She lifted the lid.Preserved with magic, a braided piece of white hair tied together with a green ribbon was inside. Tears flooded Deshanna’s eyes, and she was filled with memories of her sweet Aeron. Lost for the moment in the past, her head bowed, she mourned the death of her son anew. She had so many regrets. So much guilt. And the shame of her unforgivable actions a decade earlier crippled the old woman as she collapsed against the chest and wept. Yes - she was a fool. A bitter old fool. But most of all, she was a fool for letting grief consume her after losing Aeron, and allowing it to blind her to the needs of her grandson, Eri.Oh Eri, my flesh and blood. How I have failed you. And she had. She knew it. Eri knew it. And the Gods knew it.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
A week later, IIyana sat atop the rooftop overlooking the gardens and taking in the morning air. The sun had peaked across the horizon; its rays stole into the grounds below, letting her know it'll be unusually warm today. It had been a restless week and another restless night. And so she came to be one with the open sky and her Gods.Yesterday evening, she'd thought of her Clan and the last conversation she'd had with Deshanna before heading off to Haven. Their exchange had not been pleasant and words were said that IIyana wished she could take back. But it hurt, none the less, to know that deep inside, they both felt this way about one another. Deshanna had said nothing when she'd volunteer to spy on the Conclave but her passive contempt and loathing for the decision came out later that night when she stormed into IIyana's room. Deshanna was furious. More furious than IIyana had ever seen her, and their argument escalated into heated words until IIyana flung her staff across the room.
“Stop trying to control me!” She'd demanded.
Deshanna hissed. “I have spent years helping you hone your powers. Your duty is to remain here. As First to Clan Lavellan.”
“I’m so sick of being reminded of my duty. To you. To the Clan. Even to the Gods! The Elders have already accepted my request, and there is nothing you can do. And for the record, I don’t need your permission to do anything.”
“You ungrateful child. After all I’ve done for you --”
"You have done nothing but made me and Eri feel worse about ourselves."
Deshanna stepped forward and slapped IIyana on the mouth. "Keep his name out of your mouth."
“We both know you wished it was me who’d been sent away, Keeper. So don’t act like you care about me. Because you never have. Even though you pretend to. I’m leaving tomorrow. I hope you will still greet me when I return.”
The sound of the morning birds brought her attention back to the present and she frowned. Even now, her mouth ached from thinking about it. She wished she could just make them go away.“But you left without saying good-bye.” IIyana sighed wearily and kept her gaze on the garden below. "Good morning to you, Cole."“You felt like a prisoner. Chained to your duty. With no voice. A silent cry behind the smile you wear.”IIyana frowned. "We really have to talk about you invading people’s thoughts.” “I don’t mean to. Your hurt is loud, like a song and I heard it. You need me.”“I’m not hurt. Tired maybe. But not hurt.” She didn’t want to face the truth of his words. She just wanted to continue to pretend. Such lies. So easy to believe if only she’d keep repeating them to herself for a little longer. Coles said quietly. “You love her but you’re angry. The anger boils in your belly until it kneads into a knot.”IIyana gave a little snort of disapproval. “Sometimes, love isn’t enough.” “Love isn't enough. Enough of what? You didn’t explain, Inquisitor.” One side of her mouth tilted up. “I was rather hoping I had.” “Her face in the crowd, watching as I cast my first spell. She is so proud there are tears in her eyes. Anything to make her happy. Anything. Why isn’t that true anymore? Why isn’t that enough?”Something flashed in her eyes at the words, something there, then gone so fast that Cole could not identify it. But he felt it. It made him sad. When he spoke, his words were low and soft. “I'm hurting you, Inquisitor. Words winding, wanting, wounding. I want to help but it’s all tangled with love. I can’t tug it loose without tearing it. You hold her close. You let it keep hurting. Because you think hurting is who you are. Why would you do that?”“I’m done with this conversation, Cole. You need to stop.”“I’m sorry, I keep making it worse.”IIyana sighed, more annoyed at the conversation than with Cole. “No, it’s not that." By now the sun was high and she leaned back on her elbows, face turned to the sun. “It’s difficult to talk about. Sometimes the people we love disappoint us the most. It complicates things. You’ll think that if they love you, they should understand. They shouldn’t want to hurt you. So you feel betrayed. You say things you can’t ever take back.”“You stupid girl. It’s all your fault. Eri is gone because of you ,” Cole said, but not in his voice ... he was imitating Deshanna."Yes, Cole. Just like that."“She wished she could take those words back. She doesn’t regret that you didn’t leave.” He was quiet for a moment. Assessing, grasping for memory, as if the emotions he felt were singing songs only he could hear. “Inquisitor … who is Eldrid?”Her gaze shot to Cole and she stiffened, her mood destroyed by one single name. “You should tell Solas. He’ll understand.”“Tell him what?” She stammered, pretending she had no idea what Cole was rambling about.“How Eldrid died. It keeps you in chains. And you don't want to be stuck in chains. It's cold." IIyana opened her mouth to protest but was interrupted by a female recruit. She was standing in the middle of the garden, waving her hands. “Inquisitor! It’s Lady Josephine. She told me to come remind you that you have a meeting … about ten minutes ago.”Fuck - she’d forgotten. The last thing IIyana wanted to do was attend a meeting when her thoughts were scattered.Suddenly, Cole gasped and looked straight at IIyana. “Oh, I know how I can help. I can tell Solas. He won’t cast you out like they did. He’ll help you heal. Yes, I can do that.” IIyana shook her head and reached for Cole. “No, don’t -- FUCK!” Cole had disappeared.
IIyana glanced at the clock. It’s been three hours. She was sure by now Cole had spoken with Solas but she couldn’t be sure. Her thoughts kept distracting her from the task at hand and she tapped her foot to focus. When it became apparent she was annoying Leliana, she changed tactics and traced the map outline. Several markers were placed across Ferelden, two in Orlais, and one to the north - The Temple of Dirthamen. The report had arrived this morning from an Elven agent who’d discovered the temple after researching the runes scattered across the Exalted Plains. As usual, Cullen stood in the middle, flanked by Leliana and Josie as they listened to Cassandra’s concerns of the Missing Seekers. “We saw so many Red Templars at the assault on Haven,” Cassandra said to the room. “Perhaps all that's left of the order. What we didn't see was Lord Seeker Lucious. Indeed, I’ve seen no hint of any Seekers among the Red Templars or anywhere. I have growing suspicions that Corypheus has imprisoned them.”“Why imprisoned them?” IIyana asked, thankful for the changes in thought. She glanced to Cullen, who avoided her gaze, then to Leilana. “When you could just as easily kill them.”“They may already be dead,” Leliana chimed. Cassandra leaned forward on the table, wearing a concerned expression. “Yes, they may be dead but the Seekers began this war against the Mages. They cannot simply vanish. There must be a trail we can follow. Yet so far, I have only discovered hints.” “Could they have ended up like the Red Templars?” IIyana asked. Cassandra frowned. She studied the map as if looking for a hidden clue. “Seekers do not use lyrium. I assume Corypheus gained control of the Seekers by corrupting the lyrium they were already taking. To do the same to a Seeker, you’ll have to force the lyrium upon him. That may have been what happened but it couldn’t have begun that way. We’re missing a piece of a puzzle and I need to find it.” IIyana nodded in agreement. “Finding them obviously means a lot to you.” “I left the order but I cannot abandon them. I cannot even claim that locating them would be beneficial. They would not look kindly on the Inquisition. But even so, if there is a chance for them, I should try.” IIyana moved to stand next to Cassandra and looked at her advisors. “I say we move the Missing Seekers to the top of our list. What other pressing issues do we have at hand?”Josie glanced at the list on her clipboard. “Let’s see - I’ve already shared that Empress Celene will visit in a month. Thanks to your efforts, the Exalted Plains and Emeralds Graves have been cleared of Red Templars, and the list of replacements for Cullen has been narrowed to three. A Ser Frederick de —-“Cullen coughed, interrupting Josie and he gave her an apologetic smile. “I’ve decided to stay.”His words caught IIyana by surprise. “Since when?”“Since after the Emerald Graves, Inquisitor.”Josie squealed. “Then the matter is put to rest. I will write the candidates a letter, thanking them for --”“Wait a minute.” IIyana held up her hands in front of her. Clearly she was dissatisfied with Cullen’s answer and demanded an explanation. “This doesn’t make sense to me. At all. Cullen, you were adamant about leaving. In fact, you insist on it. So what’s changed?”Cullen released an exasperated sigh. He didn’t like how quickly she saw through him. “I was not in the right frame of mind when I put in my resignation,” he lied. Well, partially it was a lie. There was some truth to it. “My decision to no longer use Lyrium had some serious consequences and impulsivity was one of them. Thankfully, I’ve moved past the worst of it and am now thinking more clearly.”IIyana didn’t buy it for one second.Cullen glanced at the table. “I’ll move some of my men to the Hissing Waste to monitor the Venatori.”“And in the meantime, we’ll follow up on some of your leads, Cassandra,” Leliana added. “Let’s find out what happened to the Seekers.
Alone in her room, IIyana sat in front of the hearth and stared into the fireplace. The flames were warm as they danced across her skin but did little to bring her comfort against the chill that had gradually settled in her heart. And she felt guilty as hell. After dinner, she’d complained of a headache and ran off into her room, where she’d been hiding for the better part of the night. She was doing what she did best - avoiding. Well, to be fair, she hadn’t done that in a long time. But this was different. She wasn’t just avoiding Solas, she was running away from her past - her prison. Her bubble was cracking. She could feel it. Any moment, it would shatter and she’ll be forced to deal with the waves of agony she’d worked so hard to ignore. Damn Cole and his meddling, compassionate ways. In mere seconds, he’d somehow broken through the foundation she’d so carefully constructed to protect herself and found her fear. The trouble with lies was that they were too easy to believe. Even if you were the one telling them. Perhaps especially if you were the one telling them. And no amount of lying to herself was going to fix it. IIyana woke up on the couch in the rotunda, bundled up in a heavy blanket made from cotton. Stretched out and lying next to her was Solas, a book in hand. The light was low, the room quiet, with only the sound of pages flipping as he continued to read. She was lying in his arms and thought she may have fallen asleep. But she didn’t remember seeking him out. Her last memory was of her lying in her room. Alone.“You're awake.”IIyana glanced up to find Solas smiling down at her. His lips brushed her forehead in a sweet kiss before moving to a sitting position so that she may raise. “What time is it?” She said drowsily.“Late. Half of Skyhold have already sought their beds.”“Then why are you awake?”“I’m not.”IIyana glanced around the room and noticed the slight shimmer along the edges of the room. “We’re in the Fade.”“Yes. You’ve been distracted. I thought it best we spoke here instead.”Solas reached for IIyana and pulled her closer to his side. He smelled of parchment paper and ink as if he’d spent half the day locked away in the Archives. He gave her a sweet smile and brushed his lips against hers, and she melted—all tension leaving her body and sinking into his arms where she’d belong. “I missed you today, Yana,” he murmured softly and rubbed her spine with a comforting stroke. Pleasure spread through her like a dangerous tide. Closing her eyes, she sank deeper into his touch, enjoying the sensation of him all around her. Gently, he tucked a loose lock of hair behind her hair. The brush of his fingertips against her skin sent a warm ripple through her. “Are you feeling better?”She frowned in confusion.“Your headache. Are you feeling better?”“I … I’m still a bit tired,” she stammered. She circled her arm around his waist and held him tightly. The closeness of his body made her feel safe, supported, and protected, and she wanted to stay like this forever.“You seemed distressed. Is there anything I can help you with?”“What made you think anything was on my mind?” She asked.His mouth twitched. “You hardly saw me when I walked into your room tonight. Even when I undressed and joined you in your bath. I was surprised when you didn’t take advantage of me, either, considering I was naked, lying in bed with you.”IIyana snorted. “That did not happen. I would have never wasted such a fine opportunity.”“I threw myself at you and you hardly noticed. You didn’t even bat an eye.” Solas placed his forehead against hers. “Ever since Deshanna’s letter arrived, you’ve been distant. Even Cole noticed it.”Worried flash in her gaze but she was not quick enough to hide it. “Did he - did he say anything?”The desperation in her voice caught his attention and Solas frowned. His hand came up to touch her cheek, his thumb caressing her skin in a soothing motion. “I felt it best if you shared it with me.” He kissed her eyes, her cheeks, then her mouth. “You must realize by now you can tell me anything. Whatever it is, I’ll make it all better.”The words made IIyana want to throw herself at him and weep and howl. Instead, she closed her expression and glanced away from him. She forced the words out through stiff lips. “Some things are better left unsaid.”“What things.” And to his surprise, tears gathered in her eyes. “Yana …” Maybe it was the concern in his eyes that did her in because she angrily wiped her palms over her cheeks and set her jaw to keep from quivering. “It’s nothing - I’m just … exhausted, that’s all.” Solas bit back a protest. When Cole came to him earlier, he'd rambled on about IIyana and Eldrid and Solas had to ask him to stop. This was IIyana's secrets to tell, he'd explained to Cole. But it bothered him that IIyana that not come to him for counsel. He'd laid himself bared to her, revealed his deepest secrets, and yet ... she could not do the same for him. He'd wondered all day if she'd ever trust him enough to share this part of her with him. "We promised not to keep things from each other, IIyana," he reminded."Yes we did." With a heavy sigh, IIyana untangled herself from his arms and stumbled to the middle of the room. He’d made a move towards her and she held up her hand. “Please, don’t. Don’t touch me. I can’t tell you if you touch me.” Solas remained stiff and still. Then she began pacing, back and forth, in no particular direction. She’d thought of a hundred different reasons why this conversation wouldn’t make sense but Cole was right, it was her only path toward freedom. “Cole sensed some things from my past I’ve yet to share with you, ” she rambled.“I’ll speak with him,” Solas apologized. “Cole is a Spirit of Compassion. It is his nature to -”“Solas,” IIyana interrupted. “I know he’s only trying to help but the things he spoke about were too private. Things I’ve locked away, do you understand? And now I have to tell you because if I don’t, it’ll cripple me and I - I don’t want that kind of power over me.” She turned back to stare at him with worried eyes and he hated that she felt that way. “I imagine you may have questions afterward but I ask that you be patient if I’m unable to respond appropriately,” she said hoarsely.“Of course,” he replied, noting the worry that had creased her brows.IIyana sighed and began pacing again, hands tapping against the side of her thigh. “It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you, Solas. It’s just … difficult. And I need you to understand that.” She paced again and it took another five minutes for her to find her words. “Deshanna forcing Eri to leave the Clan wasn’t for my benefit, just to be clear. That’s the story we tell people but the truth is that she did it to save him. Because you see, he is her own flesh and blood. His father is her son.”Solas looked surprised.“I know,” she whispered. “It’s sad, isn’t it? To be cast out by your own grandmother. It was cruel and malicious.”“And you paid for it.”“Yes. Eri thinks I had it better than he did, but he was wrong,” she said. “Please don’t tell Eri this but nothing was worse than living in his shadow and being reminded of it every day. It was pure misery, especially when I displeased Deshanna.” Her breath hitched slightly and her chest ached at the memory. “When she was proud, she showered me with love. When she was disappointed, she made sure I knew it. Then she’d compared me to Eri and - and that stuff stays with you. So I stuffed all that hate and resentment and sadness down and turned it towards the person I thought responsible.” “Eldrid,” Solas concluded.“I was so angry. All I could think about was taking my revenge. And I did." To her surprise, tears fell from her eyes. IIyana wanted to run, to flee, to avoid looking at his expression. Deshanna had looked at her with disgust. Eri had been disappointed and angry. It only made sense Solas would have a similar reaction."Eri implied he killed Eldrid."She shook her head and gave him a shameful smile. "It’s easy to cover up a death when one is hunting.”His face was grim, revealing how difficult it was for him to witness her distress and not be able to comfort her. “Why haven’t you told me this before?”“I saw no reason to share it with you,” IIyana said, then shook her head and gruffly added. “Please, please don’t look at me that way. You and I both know I couldn’t just walk up to you and confessed I murdered someone in cold blood.”“I wouldn’t know. You didn’t give me a chance to prove you wrong.” His handsome face went blank. The lengthy silence that ensured was evidence of how greatly she had wounded him. By the Gods , she thought in a flutter of panic. I’ve lost him . However, there was something in his expression - a flicker in his blue eyes - that made her wonder if she was wrong. “Help me understand something," he asked.“A-Anything,” she said unsteadily.“Do you really think I would care if you sought vengeance from a man who’d hurt you?”“No,” was all she could manage to whisper. Her heart crashed against the wall of her chest, pounding the breath from her lungs.“Good.”IIyana paused. “Good?”He eyed her knowingly. “Yana, if you hadn't killed him, I would have. And don’t forget I also gave in to vengeance when I killed a group of Mages for summoning Wisdom.”“But it was justified.”“As was yours.” Solas arched a brow. He studied her guilty expression and slowly played back the words she’d spoken out loud and then he found it. “What brought this up all of a sudden?”IIyana sighed. “Because I was wrong about Eldrid. I thought I would find relief once he was dead --”“But you haven’t. You’re still searching for it,” Solas finished.She gave him the saddest of smiles that broke his heart. "Yes but Deshanna’s letter last week reopened a wound I hadn’t expected to feel and I’m trying to figure out how to deal with it. And I’m not sure if I know how. I wanted to hide from it but that’s what I always do, right? So here is another confession - I’m not okay, Solas. Even if I put on a happy place. The shit that happened to me in the Emerald Graves, I’ve yet to process and I’m afraid to because I don’t want to be reminded of how helpless and weak I am. But the reminder is there. Every day I feel it - a dark shade that creeps into the corner of my mind. It whispered and manipulates and if I’m not careful, I’ll react and give into it. It’ll consume me, just like it did with Eldrid. I’m afraid to make mistakes. I’m afraid to trust my own instincts. And I know I’m not powerless but it feels like it.”“Vhenan, you are the most courageous woman I know.”“And a murderer. No different than the Red Templars who attack the innocent.”“Eldrid was not innocent in this.”“Yes - I know. But if I hadn’t been so angry, I would have found another way.” The rest of the confession drained out of her like poison. “I murdered a man out of anger. Even though what he did was wrong, who am I to play God and take his life? I’m the real monster here and I don’t want to bloody your hands. It would be best if you don't get involved in my emotional mess.” Although he remained still, she sensed that Solas was fighting against his own emotions and that the impact of her words had rippled shocked anguish beneath his facade. “What are you saying, IIyana? Are you ending things between us?” He asked.She was silent then, closing her eyes to avoid his gaze. “I’m giving you an out, Solas.” She waited for his contempt, his anger, and worse of all, his rejection. Silence fell gently around her. Aching, annihilated, she waited for the final blow.
Oh, Gods, he was going to accept her offer.
He was going to leave.
A breath caught and sobs pushed from her throat … a silent protest of hopeless love and her ruined future.“You have every right to hate me for keeping this from you,” IIyana said brokenly. “So please walk away. I won’t hold it against you, either. But I want you to know that I love you, and you have no obligation to love me in return. Not after this.” She was not aware of any movement, but suddenly Solas was standing in front of her, his hands settling on her shoulders. She gripped his arms tightly, afraid of what he would say. Afraid of what he would do. She almost wanted him to hurry up and give her the words so that she may leave. “IIyana …” he whispered softly. “Is this what you really want?” His fingers began to move then, caressing the sides of her throat, drawing sensations to the surface of her skin. He touched her with love. He touched her with gentleness, chasing away the chill that had enveloped her. He spoke again. “Answer me.”His tenderness was too much for her and she fought out of his arms and began backing away. The back of her legs hit the desk and she lost her balance, knocking a bottle of ink onto the floor. She felt his arms circled around her protectively. “Damn you,” she whispered. “Stop being so nice to me. I’m trying to tell you that I’m a complicated mess. ”“I can’t,” he whispered tenderly. “I love you too much.”And by the Gods, she felt it. She could hold nothing from him now. She fought to stay silent but his breath against her skin coaxed the words from her unwilling throat. “You don’t know what you’re saying,” she insisted. “There is no decision to be made. I’m already yours and have been since I first laid eyes upon you.”Solas pushed the wet strands of hair away from her cheeks. Leaving forward, he covered her mouth with his in a hard, warm kiss. “But I lied to you … I kept things from you,” she protested. “You can’t possibly want me now.”“IIyana, shouldn’t that be my choice to make? And I never asked about your past in a way that would require answers such as the ones you gave me tonight. The fault lies with me, too. But that doesn’t change how I feel about you.” When it looked like he was unable to convince her, he reminded. “Have you ever wanted something so badly, so desperately - something that was within your grasp - yet you were afraid to reach for it?”Her breath caught. Such words. Again, a reminder. Tender, loving, truthful words that he’d once spoken to her in the dark. Words he’d brought back to remind her of how he felt. She nodded and shuddered. “It’s always been you, Solas,” she said desperately.Relieved, he kissed her gently. “I can’t change your past but I can help you heal from it. That is if you’ll have me.” “What are you saying?”He drew back and placed his forehead against hers and grasped her hands in his. “I’m saying that I choose you, IIyana, and my decision to remain by your side has not changed. I love you. I want to be with you. Now wake up, Yana. So that I may show you how much.” IIyana awakened with a start and was disappointed to find that she was alone in her room, but the feeling was quickly replaced with an urgency that pulled at her. She needed to go to him.She wanted to go to him.Quickly, she pushed the blankets aside and ran down the stairs. She didn’t care for the cold. She didn’t care that she was improperly dressed, that the thing shift did little to keep her warm. She only cared that she needed to reach him.She fled down the stairs, her heart pounding wildly. She felt ridiculous all of a sudden. How could she have ever doubted him?. She yanked open the first door, then nearly stumbled down the stairs as she cursed herself a thousand times a fool. Her hands reached for the doorknob leading into the hall and came to a full stop when she nearly ran into an equally disheveled Solas. Warmth flickered in his eyes and he stared at her with love. She whispered his name a second before he crushed her against his chest and bent his head, sealing his lips over her mouth in a scorching kiss. The world melted away as he pulled them into the stairway and continued to ravish her mouth. She was already pulling at his shirt, her fingers running against the muscles of his chest. She moaned into his mouth as his hand slid underneath her shift, sliding up her leg and rounding to cup her buttocks, lifting her up to straddle his waist.She had no idea how they made it up the stairs, only that hunger pushed them both to the edge of existence.Clothes were quickly discarded. Love words were whispered. Promises were spoken. And when he finally entered her body, IIyana cried - never had she felt so complete. Overwhelmed with emotions, unexpted tears gathered in her eyes, only for Solas to captured them with his thumb and kissed them away with his love. Then he freed her mind, body, and soul.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Happy Friday, Readers!!! I wanted to reach out and wrap you all with much-needed love today and to share that I'll be taking a break from posting regularly. In my real life, I'm a therapist, and I'm also Asian American. The events in Georgia this week and the rise in Asian Hate crimes in my community have been disheartening, so I'm taking a step back to focus more on supporting those in need and redirecting my attention to advocacy. In the meantime, I'll continue to write and will NEXTFLIX all my chapters in the summer. WE ONLY HAVE 25 CHAPTERS LEFT and THREE major arcs to complete, and then we'll be finished. For those that have been there for the beginning, thank you so much for your love and support, and for those that recently joined the Vindicated family, thank you so much for your love and support. I'll see you all soon,Emily