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It would never be over. That was the resounding thought in Ryou’s head, nearly drowning out even the screaming, newly surfaced memories, the panic, the sorrow, the urge to vomit.
Almost, that was. Vision blurred through tears as Ryou stared at the boy- boy, he had only just been a boy- and tried to steady his breathing. “It was me, it was the ring…!” The words he had practiced so often, only meant to be said to himself. Aigami- No, Diva, wasn’t hearing it.Ryou couldn’t blame him, not really. He still blamed himself for the spirit’s deeds, after all.That’s when the ring appeared.Ryou couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t even react when he was grabbed, trembling, trembling in the man’s grasp. It would never be over. It would never be over. It would never-Ryou hit the ground with a grunt, eyes shut tight. He didn’t want to see it. He couldn’t. Arguing was heard, though it took a moment for Ryou to realize it. The one with the ring… he didn’t sound or act like the spirit. He didn’t recognize Ryou.A wave of unidentifiable emotions hit him, and Ryou couldn’t stop a sob from passing his lips. It was too much, too many thoughts and emotions and memories… When the shadows passed over him, shadows for the ring, and caused everything to go black…. He was almost grateful. Ryou awoke to darkness.There was no point in calling out, he knew. Not in this place. Not in the shadows. It wasn’t a place you wanted to draw attention to yourself, anyway. So instead, he stated walking. Walking, and thinking. How- no, no, Ryou knew how he had forgotten. He wasn’t a stranger to what repressed trauma was, after all. Still, that didn’t cause him to feel any less guilt ridden. He didn’t deserve blissful ignorance. He deserved to rot for eternity, seeing those he hurt, never able to forget their names and faces.The shadows whispered, its cold caress reaching for him. Ryou didn’t have it in him to care. He just kept walking. To say he lost track of time would imply there was time to keep track of in the first place. Not in the shadows, no. Time didn’t work the same here. It could have been five seconds, it could have been five thousand years. It felt like five thousand years. Eventually, eventually, something changed. It was gradual, at first. A tugging feeling in his chest, first brushed off as another emotion, but soon it grew. Then all at once, it snapped.Ryou awoke in his body.It took a moment to gather his bearings, and realize he was in a crowd. Jounouchi was standing over him, a hand offered to help him stand. Automatically, a mumbled “I’m alright” fell past his lips as he ignored the offer of help, shakily standing on his own. It was… a duel arena? He really shouldn’t be surprised, Ryou supposed. Distantly, he heard Jounouchi’s voice, no doubt trying to fill him in on what he had missed. Ryou couldn’t find it in him to care about that at the moment, eyes locked on the stage. Yugi had defeated Diva, it seemed. Replays played on the screen.Why did his chest ache at the sight?“How long was I gone?” Either the question was lost in the roaring of the crowd, or the now three (Honda and Anzu hadn’t been far behind Jounouchi) didn’t pay him any attention. Not that Ryou could blame them. It seemed the duel between Kaiba and Yugi was starting, and everyone’s attention was captured. Even so, the ache in his chest persisted at the thought of the latter. The duel was fascinating, Ryou had to admit. The tension, the banter, how each seemed to always be one step ahead of the other. He honestly didn’t know how it would end, who would win, right up until the end. Of course, of course it would be Yugi. How silly of him to doubt it. Though Kaiba was nothing short of pure genius on the field, Yugi was simply on another level all together. That didn’t mean it was over, though.It would never be fucking over. Just as Kaiba’s life points were about to reach zero, the power wiped. For a moment, Ryou considered the possibility that it was something Kaiba had programmed, but no. Even if he was a tad over dramatic, he never did quit before he lost. It was silent, so silent, enough to know something was wrong. Even the hum of the machines cut off, and Ryou realized how loud it was before.That’s when it appeared. Ryou knew who it was the moment his eyes laid on that form, seen that glint of gold on his chest. The scar on his own flared up with phantom pains in response. It was Diva.He felt… awful. Diva had already had his life destroyed by the ring, more so than himself. He didn’t deserve that. No one did.Ryou was going to throw up. As fate would have it, Ryou hadn’t the chance, as a wave of energy passed over the crowd. He felt faint, and before he knew it, he had collapsed. It was only due to the pain radiating from his face did he realize that as he looked up, watching as his fingers slowly dissolved.It was never going to be over. He continued to watch as his fingers faded, his body not responding when he tried to move his hand. It crept upwards, but he didn’t have it in him to panic. He was too tired. Too tired of this, of everything.He had only just gotten back, and now he was dying, again. Perhaps this time it would stick.Ryou hoped so. He hadn’t even realized he closed his eyes, not that he disappeared. Murmuring was what probed his consciousness, and an ache in his body let him know he had been laying there for more than a quick moment. Slowly he cracked open his eyes, looking around as he peeled himself off the ground. Everything was… normal.Ryou wiggled his fingers again, only feeling a small bit relieved when they responded. Looking around, he noticed the others moving to the stage- Yugi was standing there. He must have won, Ryou realized, though looking around brought no sight of the one he had been fighting. Even so, everything was how it was, and it was thanks to Yugi. Ryou slipped into the crowd to follow the others. Even if Ryou found himself with a disconnected feeling, uncaring, he supposed he should thank Yugi for fixing everything. Just as usual.It would never be over. He scrambled up the side of the stage, pulling himself up and joining the others. He stuck to the edge of the group, keeping an eye on both Yugi and Kaiba. Briefly, he wondered how Kaiba felt about the whole thing- It seemed his tournaments were doomed to always have some supernatural element in them, after all. How curious.Out of habit, he pressed one hand into the other, thumb rubbing that knot of scar tissue in his palm as he listened. Yugi… had seen Atem? Ryou’s heart clenched in jealousy. How was it fair? Yugi was able to see Atem was doing alright, and Ryou didn’t even get to know if the spirit had made it to the afterlife or not.It was bullshit.Ryou went home. Graduation came and went, the rest uneventful, and he joined the others to see Anzu off. It was a bittersweet thing. Ryou might not have been as close to Anzu as the other, but it was still someone he had hung around almost everyday, and seeing her leaving was just a reminder that things were changing.Would he be leaving too? Ryou didn’t know.He stayed longer than the others in the airport, watching the planes take off and land.It might change, but it would never be over.