Work Text
December 23, 2006I've always found myself waiting on that one beautiful person to come and save me from my old ways. Four months later I catch myself in bed with that special someone.I gazed at the sleeping body next to me. Every precious breath he takes causes his chest to rise and fall with the gentleness of a lamb. He's beautiful. He's flawless. He's my brother. My lover.We've been together for a short while now. I couldn't care less about what happened to me in the future, as long as I had my Shannon. Everything seemed to meld into place when I was with him.It was no surprise to anyone when our mother disowned us. She said it was sick and unnatural. We said we couldn't help it. She asked where she'd gone wrong. We couldn't tell her. I still cringe at the facial expression she wore when we first kissed in front of her. Awful things were said to us but none were returned.I remember the day it happened. We were at a little coffee shop in the middle of town. Shannon was starring at his lap with his hand resting nonchalantly on his cup."Something wrong?" I asked. He shook his head no. I still knew something was bothering him.Dreadful moments of silence passed until he murmured something."Jay..." I looked at him.Our eyes locked when he raised his head."I love you..."I found myself taking his hands gently."Shannon..." Whispering his name with such delicacy felt wonderful.I scooted my chair over to his just so we could be close. I held his hands in mine until he pulled them away. Nothing more was said before we found ourselves entangled in a passionate kiss. My fingers grasped the back of his neck as I tilted my head to the side, his fingers running through my silky black hair. His chapped lips rubbing against mine for the first time was a feeling I'll never forget. It was the only we'd ever kiss in public.The memory faded as I felt something caress my cheek. I looked over to see Shannon about an inch from my face."Morning, darling," his smile could light up a million dark hallways."Hey, Shan..."His eyes shown with love and tenderness, all for me.He kissed my right temple softly and pulled me into his lap.I looked up at him and he kissed my nose before asking, "Sleep well?""Mmhmm," I nodded and pressed my lips to his."I love you so much." He was smiling again. Shannon always smiled.He squeezed me and stood up, carrying me to the kitchen of our small, but nice, one bedroom apartment. With only two people living here we didn't need much more. I wrapped my legs around his waist tightly and demanded that he make me breakfast.The next hour was spent eating, neither one of us bothering to put our bowls or glasses in the sink when we finished. Shannon walked over to me, grabbed my elbow and pulled me up, bringing me into his arms."I love you, Jay," he said, smiling.I wrapped my arms around his strong back.He led me to the couch and and fell on it, pulling me against him with my back against his stomach. I snuggled down into his embrace, nuzzling the space between his neck and shoulders after he wrapped his arms around my waist."Shannon," I whispered into his ear."Hmm?" He was stroking my hair again, as he does every time we lay together."When are we going to tell Matt and Tomo?" My curious tone caused me to sound like a third-grader."Jared..." I knew that I had said bothered him but we couldn't hide this forever. He was in denial. Our relationship was becoming more intimate every day. It was only a matter of time before they would find out without us telling them first. God only knows what that would do to the band.Shannon and I hardly left our apartment for fear of getting caught. When we did for out for shopping and things like that we had to keep our hands and lips to ourselves. No kissing, no holding hands, nothing. At first it was hard, sometimes even impossible for us to even look at one another without a surge of passion running through our bodies.There were many late nights on the bus when we would both sneak to the bathroom when the others were asleep. He would sit on the floor with his back against the door, arms wrapped around me securely. His chaste kisses on my bare neck and shoulders usually put me to sleep and I'd wake up in my bunk the next morning.I felt something poke my side., "Jared."Oh."What?" I pressed my lips to his neck.He didn't respond. I knew he was thinking about telling the others.I looked out the only window of our apartment and sighed. The sky was dull with winter's wrath and Christmas was growing nearer which only meant two things. One: hearing our mother sob over me and Shannon being together and two: my birthday. Oh, how I hated turning a year older. Although, no one really made too big of a deal about it because the day after Christmas, which was good because I didn't like having a huge party.I felt Shannon's cold fingertips running along my bare sides which caused me to shiver. I pulled the blanket off of the back of the couch and draped it over us. The feeling of him breathing in sync with me was so wonderful. I turned onto my side, causing him to groan. I giggled, yes, giggled, and turned once more onto my stomach before kissing his nose."Baby?" I whispered, our lips barely touching."What?""What do you want for Christmas?""You," he said with a straight face."Shannooon..." He thinks it's cute when I whine."Jared, you don't have to get me anything. I know you love me. You don't have to try and prove it to me by buying me some worldly possession to make yourself feel like you confirmed the fact that you do, okay...?"I smiled, nodding. Nothing else in the world mattered to me as long as Shannon knew that my love for him was genuine. He was the only person I wanted to be with."Fine, I'll give you something worth keeping," I giggled into his chest which he apparently loved because he squeezed me.The rest of the day flew by. Hours were spent watching movies in the morning and going to the park in the afternoon.We were back at home when exhaustion hit me."Shannon... I'm tired...""Do you want to go to bed?" He looked at me.I nodded, rubbing my weary eyes.I walked into our room and he fallowed.Shannon walked over to me and started to unbutton and unzip my jeans. He shoved them down past my hips and they fell to the floor; I stepped out of them, pulled my shirt off over my head and threw it where my jeans were.With a sly smile playing on my lips I walked over to him. I hugged then kissed him before doing anything else. My fingers found their way to his zipper, then to the button. No less than a minute later we were wearing nothing but our boxers.I laid down on my side of the bed and Shannon laid on his. He pulled me on top if him and I laid my head on my chest. This was how we always slept. I love the way we can lay together, skin against skin, and not think about sex. We didn't need sex. We would get there when the time was right. All we need right now is each other. I closed my eyes and fell into a sound slumber.Shannon's POVI watched Jared sleep for a while, his back rising and falling with the gentle breaths of, what I believed to be, an angel. The innocence he portrayed with his expression made me smile. I couldn't stop thinking about how much I love him. My smile faded, however, when I thought about the complicated situation of getting him the perfect gift for his birthday and Christmas. Even though I know Jay didn't need anything I still wanted to get him something special. Something personal. I know him better than anyone else, yet I still don't know him enough to figure out exactly what he would want. I didn't want to ask him because he would know, I wanted it to be a surprise.He startled me when he jolted in his sleep. He was dreaming. I started thinking again, stroking his hair gently, soothing him back into his peaceful dreamland and making him still again. The best idea popped into my head after laying there for a while. I decided to take him to the mall in the morning. Maybe he would see something he liked a lot. He doesn't buy everything he really likes, so I would probably be able to get a few ideas there. If marrying a sibling, a brother, was legal there's no question about what I'd get him. I closed my eyes and joined Jared's mindless state.December 24, 2006I woke up the next morning to the wonderful feeling of Jay's lips on mine. I smiled into the sweet kiss before opening my eyes and pulling away."Morning, Baby," his angelic voice pronounced the words so affectionately and made them ring with the sound of his tender love for me."Morning, Jerrypop."The sound of this new pet name made him squeal with glee. I laughed softly."You like that?""Yes!" He squeaked into my neck.Jared loves everything I do, it makes me feel so special.He hopped out of bed to got dressed together.I watched his stomach muscles flex as reached down and pulled his jeans on gracefully. It was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen. He's an angel whom God gifted with a body that was carved by one in his image, which is absolute perfection.Before he put on his shirt I kissed him. I couldn't resist. This is why it's so hard for me go out in public with him and not do anything. I loved showing him that I cared more than anything.I felt his beautiful stomach under my fingertips. That was my second most favorite thing to look at, his cool, cerulean eyes being first. They were so deep, like an ocean of passion and kindness. There's no island in that ocean, that's why I drown every time. But I drown willingly, I dive headfirst into his soul and become a part of him."Shan...?" Jared's voice awoke me.I can't not think about him. He's just so intoxicating.He pulled away from me and slipped his shirt on as I did the same. I finished clothing myself, resisting the urge to touch, kiss, taste, feel and devour Jared."Where are we going?" He asked eagerly as I pulled him out to my car."To the mall, Jearbear," I smiled at him.All bundled up in his jacket, he looked like a black marshmallow. We got in the car and drove to the mall, he chattered on cheerfully, gently holding my hand and stroking it with his thumb.Jared loves shopping a lot. He was babbling to himself, as he usually did when his mind was overwhelmed and he was excited. I nodded every now and then just to make him feel like I was listening. I don't feel bad because my mind is on a much more important thing: his perfect gift. Though I'd already gotten him something small, I still needed the one perfect gift.I looked around and saw many couples, married couples, married straight couples, holding hands, and it saddened me. Jay and I could never have that with each other. We could always be together but not be married. That's what broke my heart the most. That's what Jared wanted. But no even I could give it to him.I saw Jared glancing at an overpriced jewelry store. He took my arm and tried to pull me into it."No, Jay, please..." I stood my ground."Shannooon..."I hated looking at jewelry. It was so boring. But he loves it. I'd do anything for my Jared.I was still resisting."Shannon," he sounded mad."Okay, fine, calm down," I sighed and fallowed him in.His eyes widened like a dear caught in the headlights. He was overwhelmed with all of the show cases and bright lights. I heard him gasp softly. I moved from where I was standing and walked over to his side. He had his eyes glued to something spectacular in the glass case below.The ring was gorgeous, it shone with the magnificence of the sun at dawn. The shining silver represented the warm and comforting love that my brother had for me. The diamonds, even though they were small, held a beauty that was as clear and pure as our love. I blinked a few times, making sure it wasn't just a figment of my imagination. The engraving on the inside was my description of him, although it was only two words it was so sweet. It said "My Angel." The ring was was perfect. The best gift Jared would ever get from anyone, especially me.I could tell he was upset when we walked out of the store. I knew why he was upset as well. He thought that all he would ever be was my boyfriend. But it wasn't. I knew I could make him my husband. It would be hard but it wasn't impossible. My love for him was too strong for me to let it stay like this."Can we go...?" His voice trembled as he looked up at me."Of course, Jay" We walked slowly out to the car from the mall, the silence between us killed me, but I knew he didn't want to talk right now.I released his hands and he got in on his side as I did on mine. Our doors closed in unison."I'm sorry, Jared..." I took his hand gently, he held it as if it were his last moment of life and I was the only thing keeping him from the icy grip of death."Don't be... I love you..." A tear slipped from his eye and onto his cheek. It slid down slowly but I wiped it away with my sleeve gently before it reached his precious"I love you too, Jerrypop," I said this, knowing it cheered him up. He managed a half smile and we went home. It was around 9 AM when we got back to the apartment. When we arrived it was 9 AM, only about an hour had passed since we left for the mall. Jared went straight to bed. He slept for nearly 12 hours when I finally went in there and laid next to him. My embrace enveloped him in a blanket of warm and tender love. I held him for a while. When he finally opened his eyes I kissed him, relieved to see him awake... no, alive... and in my arms. I've never doubted my love for him. Right now was no acceptation whatsoever.Jared's POVI closed my eyes again and we laid in silence. After a while I couldn't take it anymore."Shannon, it isn't fair!" I squeezed my eyelids together to keep my tears hidden."What do you mean?" His fingers were stroking my hair again."I want what everyone else has!" I was sobbing."Jared, do you know what that would do to your life?" His sweet voice was gone and replaced with aggravation."I don't care! I've always wanted a marriage! Maybe we should just-" his lips covered mine in desperation to keep me from saying anything he didn't want to hear.I kept quiet and he held me tight as I sniffled. I was almost asleep when he patted my hip."Get up, I want to show you something." I stood up and stumbled into the living room with blurry eyes.What the room held before me was astounding. A thick green Christmas tree laden with red and gold ornaments sat in the corner next to the couch. Several neatly wrapped gifts laid under it. The flickering lights on the wall were caused by the candles that adorned the coffee table."Shannon," I turned and smiled back at him."That's not all, Jay," he pulled me outside to the elevated porch of the apartment.New York's cold, crisp air greeted me without welcome. Soft ice flakes were falling from the sky.I stepped to the edge of the porch and gripped the iron pole which was already covered with snow.I felt Shannon's breath on the back of my neck as he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and rested his chin in the crook of my neck. I giggled as the white powder landed on the tip my nose. Then I remembered that I hadn't done anything towards getting Shannon's main present. I pulled away quickly and ran into our room, locking the door.He knocked. "You okay?""Yeah, I just have to do something," I was frantically searching the room for any form of paper and a pencil. I grabbed the tablet and pen that we kept by the phone, threw myself on the bed and started to write.I let my words flow from the bottom of my heart to the tip of the pen, to the paper below me. I didn't have to think about anything. I could write a million words on how one kiss from Shannon made me feel.It took me about ten minutes to get it all written down.The paper was scribbled with somewhat organized marks that read:You and I are connectedin a way that goes beyond romance,beyond brotherhood,beyond what we've ever had before.It has defied time, distance,and changes in ourselvesand in our lives.It has defied every explanation.Except one:Pure and simply, we're soul mates.I can't explain, I just feel it.It's there in the way my spirits liftwhenever we talk.The sound of your voice brings me home,in a way I can't explain.It's in the delight I feel, when we laughat exactly the same things.When I'm with you,it's like a tiny piece of the universeshifts into place.A place it's supposed to be,and all is right with the world.Without the light you put into my lifeI would be nothing.A single leaf on the ground in autumn,Lost, forgotten, alone.These things and so many more,have made me understandthat this is a once in a lifetime,forever connection.A connection that could only existbetween you and me.And deep in my soul,I know that our relationshipis a rare gift.One that brings usextraordinary happinessall through our lives.Feel the same my baby,You are loved so much,.From now until forever.You are my darling, my baby, my loveYou are my everything.I love you, Shannon.It wasn't an hour after I wrote that before I was at the mall by myself, quickly making my way to the jewelry store where my beloved ring rested in the glass case. But this wasn't about me. It was about something more important. Shannon. The first thing I saw caught my eye. It was a ring. Three small red rubies shaped like hearts were embedded in a sterling silver band. On the inside was an engraving which read "I love you." I called a sales person over and insisted on getting the ring that moment. I knew it was meant to be because the lady said it was no problem and it was his size.On the way out of the mall I grabbed a few more things that would complete my gift to my lover. And something for Mamma, of course, a blue sapphire necklace.I quickly hid the ring in my jacket pocket and made my way up to the fourth floor of the apartment building. Shannon was in the shower. Thank God.I locked myself in our room once again. I quickly broke out the stationary and calligraphy pen and transferred my words I had written earlier onto the much finer paper.I coiled my poem and placed the ring around it.I hid it in the top of the closet and wrapped my mother's gift.It was taking Shannon a really long time to get out of the shower so, well, I decided to join him.I opened the door silently, slipped off my clothes and stepped in."Hey there," our eyes locked when he looked up at me."Jared, what are you doing?" He laughed at the sight of my eyeliner running down my cheeks."Taking a shower.""Well, too bad, because I'm done," he reached down and turned the shower off.He moved closer to me and brought me against him, wrapping his hand around the back of my neck and kissing me.I reached around him and turned on the shower, smiling against his lips. His arms dropped lower.The warm water washed over me again. I ran my fingers through my hair after applying my shampoo and lathering up. Shannon's arms stayed around my waist and his fingertips began to trace random shapes at the bottom of my spine."That feel good?" He whispered."Yeah..." I closed my eyes and let my head fall on his shoulder.He started to rub harder and his teeth came in contact with my neck."What about that?""Uh huh," a moan involuntarily escaped my mouth.He bit harder; I giggled this time.I didn't want to go any further than that, I wasn't ready yet. I pulled away from him and proceeded with washing my hair. Shannon stepped closer, pulling me into his arms once again, but this time there was a reason. I felt a cold bar of soap start to caress my shoulder blades, run over my sides, over my stomach, where Shannon's fingertips lingered for a while, then to my thighs and just about everywhere else he could reach.I turned off the shower, squeezing the water out of my hair and pulled myself into a towel as he did the same. We took turns brushing our teeth. I fallowed Shannon into the bedroom, slipping on my boxers and socks (dorky, I know) when we got in there.Shannon laid down flat on his back on his side of the bead as I crawled onto my side, plopping down beside him. His arm slipped around my back, left hand resting on my hip. I turned onto my side, hugging his shoulders with my left arm, and laying my head in the crook of his neck. The clock chimed twelve just before I fell asleep. I swooped into deep, restful oblivion and dreamed of Shannon and myself dancing, kissing, even holding hands together in public. The best part of the dream was that no one cared or thought twice about it.December 25, 2006I woke around 5 AM, forcing myself to get out of bed and retrieve Shannon's present from the closet which I had conveniently left open the night before. Running silently into the living room, I neatly placed his gift at the back of our thick tree and scooted back to the room. Thank God I didn't wake him as I slipped back into his sweet embrace.It was another three hours before I woke up to the feeling of my brother's lips on mine in an awkward yet loving kiss."Jay, wake up, baby," he whispered into my ear. I opened my eyes and blinked."Hey," I smiled at him and stood up, stretching then making my way into the living room. I glanced out the window. It was still snowing!"Shannon!" I squealed happily.He laughed as he walked in after me.I rushed toward the porch, fumbling with the locked door that separated us from the harsh winter outside. Shannon fallowed, holding me tightly from behind.I shivered against him, it was freezing. Standing outside wearing only boxers and socks wasn't the best idea. I retreated back into the apartment, made coffee for both of us and put on my robe. I poured two mugs of the hot brown liquid and went back outside, handing Shannon his. He took it from me and kissed my cheek softly. I stood next to him, watching the delicate powder drift to the ground below. Sipping my coffee I slipped my arm around his waist. We stayed like that for a while until Shannon kissed my chapped lips and suggest we go in. I didn't want to."Come on, " he pulled me into our apartment."Okay, okay," I fallowed. He walked back into the living room after disposing of our coffee cups in the sink.Shannon sat down on the couch and I sat on the floor between his legs. I reached for the squishy package he had pointed to and ripped the paper off of it."A sweater!" I squeezed the black piece of clothing and hugged it against my chest as he laughed at me."I love it, Shan," I tilted my head back and his lips came down to meet mine in a soft, heartfelt kiss. Pulling away I reached over, bringing back to me his not-so-important present. New drumsticks. He opened them and I felt something tap my head."Hey!" I stood up and pounced on him. He hugged me tightly, thanking me, before pushing me away and standing up. I did the same as he moved into our room only to come back with a sly smile playing on his lips. He smiled and I shot over to the tree."Wait!" I yanked his gift from the thick limbs of the tree, hiding it in my robe pocket. He pulled me over to where he was."On three," We closed our eyes and I couldn't help but giggle at his excitement."One. Two. Three. Open, " we exchanged presents rapidly.I squealed as loud as humanly possible when I saw my beloved ring in my hand."Shannon!" I brought it to my lips and kissed it with bright eyes.He pulled the coiled stationary from the cold silver that was his ring and began to breathe the words I'd written."You and I are connectedin a way that goes beyond romance,beyond brotherhood,beyond what we've ever had before.It has defied time, distance,and changes in ourselvesand in our lives.It has defied every explanation.Except one:Pure and simply, we're soul mates.I can't explain, I just feel it.It's there in the way my spirits liftwhenever we talk.The sound of your voice brings me home,in a way I can't explain.It's in the delight I feel, when we laughat exactly the same things.When I'm with you,it's like a tiny piece of the universeshifts into place.A place it's supposed to be,and all is right with the world.Without the light you put into my lifeI would be nothing.A single leaf on the ground in autumn,Lost, forgotten, alone.These things and so many more,have made me understandthat this is a once in a lifetime,forever connection.A connection that could only existbetween you and me.And deep in my soul,I know that our relationshipis a rare gift.One that brings usextraordinary happinessall through our lives.Feel the same my baby,You are loved so much,.From now until forever.You are my darling, my baby, my loveYou are my everything.I love you, Shannon."I continued to smile at him until he stopped reading."God, Jared, " his eyes were full of tears and he stepped toward me, taking me into his arms and slipping his gift to me onto my left ring finger as I did the same to him. Hot droplets of joy slid down his cheeks and fell onto my shoulder."Thank you, " I whispered, running my fingers over the cold silver that was now on my finger.He squeezed me and wiped his face on my robe."Jared," he whispered my name sweetly. "Thank you so much, it means the world to me," he hugged the paper to his chest before setting it on the table."Anything for you, Shan. But you really didn't have to get me this... " I was staring at the precious metal that was now mine. Just like Shannon, it was all mine."Of course I did, Jay. Merry Christmas," he kissed me deeply. I pulled away."Merry Christmas, Shannon," I kissed his nose as he continued to hold me tightly.