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He was the only one to blame for the fact that a senior deadly double oh agent staring down at him, his serene smile and twinkling blue eyes making him look even terrifying because not only were they honest and not directed at him but also because one of the last things you wanted in the entirety of the universe was to be on James Bond’s list. And yet, there he was. 009, the great idiot of MI6, not only putting himself on said list with red ink, but also bolding his name and underlining it. He really hoped that his colleagues would be kind enough not to mention either in is eulogy or on his tombstone how much of a moron he was. “The faster you put yourself on lunch, the faster we all find out what important news Eve has for us,” James was telling the curious and excited Quartermaster, very subtly moving to block his – 009’s – path. “If you are done with 009 over here, of course,” he added at Q’s head tilt and 009 barely held back from shrinking when the blue eyes turned on him and instantly filled with rage. “Well, I was just about to go on lunch anyway since 009 suggested we grab a sandwich while we discuss the newest updates I did on his car.” By saying that, Q might as well have shoved him into a shallow grave and started to throw dirt over him while he was still breathing. “Were you?” James asked under his breath, eyes narrowing as a glint of sadism sparked in them. Q liked to talk about what he was doing and he found it relaxing, everyone knew that, including James. But 009 was sure that all James got from that conversation was that he was just about to take Q out for lunch and that he was going to nag him into doing overtime to make a better car for him instead of letting him relax on his break. He frankly didn’t know which was the bigger offense of the two, but he wished he had been sitting at least two steps further than Q when James caught sight of them. “It was going to be more like me complimenting everything he’s done,” 009 said, forgetting that outside of stressful situations Q allowed himself to act like a human and actually blushed a little when he got praised. Still, mistake number four got James to look away from him for a few seconds so he could absorb what he probably secretly referred to as Q’s radiant glow. “He wouldn’t be our Quartermaster if he delivered anything less,” James said softly. “Would you terribly mind if I steal him for lunch this time?” Being stupid was one thing, but he wasn’t crazy – well, at least not completely. You couldn’t be a double oh agent if you weren’t a bit cracked. “Not at all,” he was quick to assure the demon in disguise. James nodded his thanks. “I need to have a little talk with 009, so I’ll wait for you here. This will also ensure that you don’t get distracted by one of your blueprints again because I don’t trust R to not follow you down the rabbit hole.” Q narrowed his eyes and huffed, starting to walk towards his office. “That only happened once and it saved your life,” he called over his shoulder, the temperature in the room dropping the second he left it. 009 looked around, swallowing hard when he realized that he was now completely alone with James even though seconds ago, they were surrounded by boffins and other agents. “Is there anything you need, 007?” He asked, hating the fact that he was starting to sweat under James’ intense gaze. “Don’t get too friendly with the Quartermaster, lest you want to be accused by others of receiving special treatment,” James growled, flexing his fingers, obviously ignoring how much of a hypocrite he was. Out of all the double oh agents, only James received special treatment. Q had put his job and even freedom on the line multiple times just because James asked him to trust him, he did little more than chew James’ ear off every time he took equipment that wasn’t meant for him and destroyed it, and then there was the fact that James walked around with a very special and dangerous pen around despite Q loudly proclaiming that he had no time to waste on outdated equipment just because someone found it cool. Not that Q treated the other agents badly, but he was going that extra mile for James. In turn, James worshiped the ground Q walked on, although in his own cool and distant way, although he would have probably done that even if he wasn’t Q’s favourite. James rarely bothered to learn the habits of others if it didn’t benefit him somehow and yet, he knew how Q liked his tea and when he needed someone to bring him the perfect cup of tea without asking for it. A simple glance in Q’s direction told him when the man had worked without getting a proper rest so he could send Eve to force him to go home and delegate whatever projects he was obsessing over to R and the other boffins he trusted with not screwing things over. He always returned alive from his missions, even if just barely, more because Q asked him to than because he was too stubborn to die. Hell, the easiest way to turn him into a swift assassin that didn’t play with his targets was to mention that Q was in danger. Granted, due to the fact that Q treated all double oh agents like humans and obviously cared about them just a tiny bit more than their missions, they all tended to be extra cruel with whoever dared to threaten him, but James was on a whole other level. “I wouldn’t dream of it,” 009 said after a moment and then, as a testimony to his stupidity and maybe as a very obvious sign that he was crazier than he thought he was, he didn’t keep his trap shut. “You know, you’re awfully friendly with him yourself and while the old guard is used to that, the new guys are irked.” His eyes somehow got colder and 009 got the distinct impression that he wasn’t too far away from seeing the last thing James’ enemies saw. “They’ll know their place pretty quickly and I suggest that you and the rest of this old guard of yours remember where that place without any help from me.” Q called out after James and he disappeared instantly, taking away with him the gloom of the room and the icy coldness of either Death itself or the deepest pit of hell and even though 009 was a seasoned agent as well, he sighed in relief. He really wished James would come clean to Q already. *** R did her best not to grin too much at how fussy Q tended to be when he was supposed to be meeting with James, even if the agent had already seen him that day. It was funnier still that Q actually thought he was subtle about that, unaware that everyone near him could hear him grumbling under his breath about his evil, messy hair and about whatever blasted stains he had managed to get on his shirt without him being away of it. “Is everything okay with 009?” She asked, pretending not to be none the wiser about the fact that he had bumped into 007 and his plans had obviously changed. “Oh, just fine, nothing to worry about,” he assured her, turning up the intensity of the light to carefully check his clothing. “I think Eve is about to let us know that she got engaged and you’re invited to this lunch as well, of course,” he quickly added as if a light bulb went off in his head and smiled apologetically at her for making her an afterthought. She easily forgave him because Q had had something for James Bond from the first time he met him back when he was such a low boffin that he didn’t even have a letter assigned to him. R was sure that James didn’t remember that scared little mouse that had grabbed someone’s coat and was swimming around in it, but Q probably treated himself to a nice dinner on that day every year. Not that James didn’t know Q existed, mind you. He simply became aware of him when he got promoted to Quartermaster and handed him his ass in the middle of a museum with so much sass that people still talked about it to this day. Some thought that James had become enthralled with Q when he not only proved himself worthy to be his Quartermaster but also someone who was willing to go out on a limb to for, but they were only half-right – or more like a quarter-right. Those who really knew James knew that he fell for Q as a civilian in that museum and accepted Q as his superior who had his life in his hands on that first mission even if it cost the old M her life. She had been a bit wary back then because James Bond was known to fall in love every other week, but the second she realized that the reason he was watching her so intently when they bumped into each other in the boffin kitchen was because he was learning how to make Q’s favourite tea the right way and not because he was interested in her, she warmed up to him and even dropped a helpful hint every now and then – not that she thought James deserved Q, but since Q’s entire state of being radiated happiness whenever he got something from him, even if it was something as small as a box of Belgian chocolates that barely made it out serviceable from a fire… In turn, Q courted James with what he knew best – his abilities. Now, Q always made sure that his agents were equipped with the best he had to offer and that they got all the support they needed to complete their missions and get back in one piece and he was proud to say that in his two year run as the Quartermaster, he hadn’t lost a single agent, but James got that extra dash of flashiness that usually had a hidden use which saved his life on more than one occasion. Her phone buzzed in her pocket and a quick peek at it revealed that Eve had texted her – no doubt telling her everything about the lunch just in case James had either managed to whisk Q away before talking with her or Q’s head was in the clouds due to James simply existing around him outside of a mission to remember to invite her. “I’ll stay behind for bit due to personal reasons, but you go on ahead if you have someone driving you to,” she lied through her teeth because she was too smart to be a third wheel to James and Q. “I hope you feel better soon,” he said honestly, even if he was wearing a grin that put the Cheshire cat to shame and he was half-way out the door before he remembered that how not to ditch a friend. “Do you have someone to drive you? Wait, do you even know where—?” “Eve texted me all the information just now and Bill will take me there, so don’t worry,” she assured him and Q disappeared the second she was done talking. Telling him not to be so openly eager would be a waste of breath. Both men were eager, both men rushed to be near each other, but neither caught on to why that was and while R was willing to lend them a helping hand every now and then, she wasn’t going to spell it out to either of them – it was much more amusing to see a Casanova and a genius not realizing the obvious. ***Eve made sure that there were two free seats next to each other. It was easier to let James and Q sit next to each other from the start than to watch James strong arm his way next to Q. It had been fun at first and there had been many bates taken under the table about how many moves he was going to do until he reached his goal, but she didn’t want her engagement announcement be delayed due to a game of silent musical chairs. “Won’t it be too obvious if only the two of them have name cards? Or do you want them to finally have a realization and get this over with?” Her husband-to-be asked because even he had caught on to the fact that her two co-workers had a thing for each other – probably because the first time he met them, Q got to the meeting before James and they ended up being locked into a long, deep conversation and when James showed up, it looked like he was hitting on him, so he ended up getting ‘the talk’ from James until he managed to slip in that he was actually seeing Eve. Eve snorted. “John, for as good as they are at their jobs, they are the epitome of daft when it comes to their personal lives. But I do hope they catch on before one of them does something stupid like give up and settle,” she admitted in a much softer voice than before. As the agent who had been tasked with bringing in the young hacker who liked to tease government agencies with how lax their security before MI5 did all those years ago, she knew Q the best. He had been and still was a bright mind that was much too curious and dedicated to what he was doing for his own good. She’d warned him countless times to step out of his digital world and try the real one at least with his toes before the inevitable happened and he got smacked by reality. Q huffed at that because he was young and foolish and then he crossed paths with James bloody Bond and his whole world got turned on its head and he saw more colours in his life and he sighed like a teenager in love while Eve watched disapprovingly from afar. Back then, she didn’t know James personally even though they were both active agents, although she wasn’t in the double oh program. And yet, she had heard about him, about how badly his missions ended even if they got completed, and about how he treated his lovers, like they were nothing more than temporary bed warmers, there for him to play at normality for a bit until the danger called out to him. And she hated him. She hated Q’s tastes and she started to push even more for Q to try the world, have a little bit of fun with others instead of playing the role of the faithful, supporting, suffering wife. Her words fell on deaf ears, but there was nothing she could really do. That was the way Q was and it was good to see that he was more annoyed with James’ philandering than sad – James did always return to him after all, as apologetic as he could be. That wasn’t what got her to be a fan of the two of them being together. If any, that had made her despite James even more, openly comparing him to a cheating husband – although she made MI6 as a whole be the wife when Q was present. What ultimately got her to warm up to the idea of them was that she realized that James was faithful to Q in the ways he considered important. Q only had to tell him twice that he needed him to do his paperwork and then Eve would find James in his dusty little office, furiously writing and checking his phone – which indicated that, at this point, the only reason he needed to be told to do his paperwork was for show. He actually came to the budgetary emergency meetings Q was summoned to because of him to explain why things ended up going way over budget and he did his best to not to drop off the face of the Earth towards the end of a mission even if the original plan had been shot to hell. There were other little things James did that Eve was sure no one knew about, such as bringing Q little gifts from wherever he was going and sneaking them inside Q’s office, playing with and even talking to Q’s cats when no one saw him, and gave a very terrifying talk to every person he thought had an issue with Q because of his age even before seeing him in action. She actually remembered having to break up a fight between James and 004, who was one of the newly named double oh agents, because the man had been dumb enough to say that if Q were to be sent in the field even just to personally pass information in a safe house, he’d trip on his own feet and die. 004 hadn’t known back then that he’d stuck a cord. He had no idea that Q had already been on the field in a very dangerous situation without backup or MI6 knowledge because of James, something which James didn’t seem to be able to forgive about himself. “Well, they’ve been playing this game for a while now,” her future husband whispered, wrapping his arms around her and placing a little kiss on the nape of her neck. “Maybe our wedding will finally tire them out and they’ll wake up the following day hungover and naked next to each other.” Eve made to explain why that outcome wasn’t desirable, but that was the moment Q and James decided to walk in, gently and lovingly snarking at each other, James’ arm amusingly hovering near Q’s middle as the maître d’ was leading them to their table, only for James to lose Q’s radiated warmth when Eve was spotted because the two liked to hug and kiss cheeks. “I’m glad we caught you in the country for this,” John said as he shook hands with James and then quickly flinched because this lunch had been presented as a simple one about absolutely nothing. “Since the last time Eve wanted to lunch with everyone you were out of the country,” he added awkwardly, making it even more obvious that something was up. It was a good thing John really was in import-export because he wouldn’t survive a minute in the shoes of a spy. He let things slip his lips way too fast – Eve knew from the first second he saw him the previous day that he was going to propose – and easily believed what he was told by the people he was supposed to trust which did make her feel a tiny bit bad when she had to lie to him. “Are you sure about this?” Q asked in a low voice, James proving once again that he was in perfect synch with him by keeping John distracted so they could talk. “Yes,” she answered without missing a beat, squeezing Q’s hand. “Now, go cuddle next to James and both of you keep pretending that you have no idea what I want to say and let me have this.” Despite the insulted look Q gave her, he was more than happy to do a he was told, James also barely managing to hold back his smile when they brushed against each other, half-assed apologized being exchanged. Really, how were they not a lot worse at what they did than John? ***M rolled his eyes as he unwillingly eavesdropped on the small group of people that had originally gathered around Eve’s desk to congratulate her for her impending marriage and were now gossiping about 007 and the Quartermaster. He couldn’t care less if the two of them finally got together at Eve’s wedding or not and he was frankly done with this telenovela. “Miss Moneypenny,” he called out, deciding to play the role of the evil boss when the talk took a more intimate turn, “correct me if I am wrong, but aren’t we way passed any point of the day in which a break could be had?” He could hear everyone evacuating Eve’s office in a rush followed by a sigh. He could put up better with her momentary annoyance than with even one more minute of how utterly dumb and blind his two subordinates were. ***006 had called James out on his infatuation with Q in the last message he could send before going into deep undercover and he was pretty sure that they were still dancing around one another because his Quartermaster was a secret romantic and James afraid of trying to settle down with anyone due to the whole Contessa mishap. ***James opened one eye and glared at the opened curtains. He should have shut them last night to save himself the pain in the morning, but he was much too busy 145 pounds of pure happiness in his arms to care about that though. The slender arm moved from around his middle to cover his eyes, lips pressing to the back of his neck. “Should I have snuck out of the room during the night to avoid having you this tense in the morning? I know you don’t usually do relationships.” James doubted there was anything in the world right then that could have gotten him to turn faster than he did then, pulling the sleepy man as close to him as humanly possible and also wrapping his legs around his to keep him in place. “There’s nothing usual about you or us, Q,” he muttered, pressing little kisses against Q’s temple. This sun in his arms, he didn’t mind. He’d let himself be blinded by him for years and if his life ended with him being consumed by Q, then he would be the happiest man that had ever existed. “But of course you already knew that and you’re just being sneaky,” James accused when he saw how huge Q’s grin was and he was quick to attack his sides, putting to good use his knowledge about the spots in which he tickled the most, but then stopped so suddenly that Q worried something had happened. “No, it’s not that,” he muttered, cupping Q’s face. “I just never told you that. Or how much you mean to me.” Not quite fully awake and obviously distracted by how close their lips were, Q needed a moment to get his brain back on track. “You’ll make it up to me, I’m sure. And I’ll be more vocal about it as well, both in bed,” be bit down on James’ lower lip, desire flashing in his eyes, “and out of it.” Q had started something and James intended to finish it and have this be how they started all their days together, but an urgent knock on the door brought everything to an end. “Is it time to check out already?” Q asked, sitting up a little to look at the door over James. “I’ve rented the room for two more days last night, so no one should be knocking,” he muttered under his breath, trying to get Q under the bed and grab the gun under his pillow as his agent instincts kicked in. “I think my phone is somewhere down there, so call for backup if needed.” Q looked like he wanted to argue and James’ throat tightened as an image of a shot Q bleeding out before him while he couldn’t do anything to save him entered his mind. He’d probably insist that he was fine with his dying breath, just like he had back then when his arm was in a sling and he had his face half covered by bandages because James couldn’t follow simple instructions and needed him out there to save his ass. “Fine,” Q said somewhat defiantly and all was right in the world when he dived under the bed, James feeling the hand holding the gun cease its slight tremble. He pushed himself up against the wall and opened the door just as another knock came and he pulled the person in the room by their extended hand, kicking the door shut behind him as he pointed a gun at their head, bracing himself for the usual pricing pain that followed the realization that he too had a gun pushed in his stomach. “Really, who would knock on the door if they intended to kill you?” Eve grumbled and kicked him in the shins before turning around to smack the gun out of his hand. “Plus, we have more urgent matters to take care of.” “We do?” James wheezed, groaning as he struggled to sit up straight again. “And I’m sure that calling or texting is a lot faster than knocking on my door.” “You weren’t answering,” she muttered and let herself deeper inside the room, throwing him a disapproving look when she saw the trail of clothes that led to the bed. “The Quartermaster is missing and—” “Actually, I’m not,” Q’s voice came from under the bed and he shyly stuck his head out, grabbing the blankets off the bed to cover himself. “I’m not sure you wanted anyone to know about this, but I thought it would be better if—” “I wasn’t sure you wanted anyone to know,” James interrupted Q, helping him out of the bed and better wrapping the blanket around him to hide him from Eve, brushing his lips against his forehead. “Cat’s out of the bag and you’ve seen for yourself that the Quartermaster is safe, so I think you can go on your honeymoon now,” he continued without looking away from Q. Eve hummed, already making her way to the door. “Might not be able to afford one since 006 won the bloody bet.” But at least she was going to be the one who got to tell the world that the two morons finally found each other.