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For the first time in a long period of time, it was sunny outside and you, tired of the gloomy and rainy weather, decided to take advantage of the warmth and study in a more natural environment other than the library. Putting on some nice and comfy clothes on, you walked to the nearest park, carrying all your stuff in a backpack. There weren’t many people there to disturb you, luckily, so you pick the best spot you could find: at a table under the shade, where you could scatter all your materials on. You waste no time in actually getting your shit together and started reading, determined to make some progress today to compensate for all the times you procrastinated. Having finals sucked and studying for them killed you, but it’s not like you had a choice in the first place. You didn’t want to fail, but you didn’t care about having top grades either way. You only needed to pass, that was all.‘Still, it’s a nice change of scenery.’You were in the middle of reading a rather complicated book in an attempt to write notes that might prove useful later, totally focused on your work. That’s the reason why you didn’t hear footsteps running towards you until it was too late.It all happened in a blur. At the last second, you saw something tall and pink at the end of the table, preparing itself to jump. You decided to ignore the person, thinking that he was just fucking around without actually bothering you, but it doesn’t work that way. The pink thing jumped straight on the table. Right on your materials.“Nooooooo—“ it all happened quickly and you were so shocked that to you, all moved in slow motion. You saw how the man—you caught a glimpse of his face, but nothing too revealing, as he braced himself for the impact—slid carefully on the table, pushing all the books and pencils and notebooks on the floor as he went his way. One second you were staring at the letters on the page that were starting not to make any sense and the next it was as if it vanished into thin air.Like a magician decided to pull a mean prank on you and make all your worries disappear by eliminating your text books, but you needed THEM badly! How are you going to pass now?!Luckily, they didn’t disappear entirely, although a part of you wished it did.“FUCKER!” as soon as the pink guy hit the floor (perfectly, you might add; you would’ve admired the stunt if you weren’t the victim here). You stood up abruptly, hitting your thighs on the table, and quickly surveyed the damaged area, noticing how crumpled your papers actually were. It was a disaster and you felt anger boiling inside of you. Your eyes set on the pink guy, who doesn’t even glance at you as he dashes away. He seems to know what you have in mind and decides not to stay around to apologize. “COME BACK HERE!” You shout, leaving your stuff there and stumble a bit before you can get out to run. “APOLOGIZE!”In vain you try to catch up to him; the pink man is way too good at escaping. He kept on glancing backwards and he had a terrified expression on as he saw your angered self chasing him. Since you barely had any stamina or any kind of ‘training’ in running whatsoever, you gave up on reaching him after traversing half the park. There was no way you’re going to make him stop and you didn’t want to leave your stuff behind, fearing that some hobo might steal them. Stopping, you say between breaths, hoping he’d hear you “IF I FAIL MY TESTS, I’LL CURSE YOU!” The guy didn’t even pretend to be interested in her threat; he kept on running until he was out of sight.You stomped back to your place and angrily gathered your stuff from the ground. Thanks to the pink cunt, your mood was totally ruined and all you wanted was to go home or vent your anger to your best friend. “How dare he?!” you mutter, feeling tears threatening to fall but you sniffed madly and continued gathering your crumpled papers.However, you didn’t let this get to you; or at least you tried to. Sitting down on the bench, you tried to recover the lost time and continue your work. After a while, your anger subsided and you fell back into the monotone ways of learning.You had no idea how long you stayed there, but when you finally finished, it was already growing dark. You glanced at your watch, sighing: it was time to head home. You gathered the books and put them into your bag and walked off to the park’s exit. You were about to put your headphones on, having a long way ahead of you, when someone yelled loudly in the background. Curious as to what was going on, you turn around and see an Asian man running towards you. You think that maybe he was waiting for someone else, but when he stops in front of you, you notice there was something familiar to him and he was clearly looking into your eyes.“W-Wait!” he pants, resting his hands on his thighs while catching his breath.“Umm, yeah?” you reply, completely confused as to why the dude wanted to talk to you in the first place. Was he trying to flirt you up? You highly doubted it since you were totally not in the mood or dressed specifically for this. Still, you put on a kind smile and continued “Can I help you with something?”He straightens his back and you can see him better. You had to admit that he was rather handsome, with those beady black orbs and fluffy black hair; he was dressed nicely too. And when he spoke, his voice was low and smooth as butter. You felt yourself getting enticed by the boy just by him speaking.“Y-Yeah…” he takes one deep breath then looks apologetically at you. “I wanted to say I’m sorry.”“Sorry?” you raised an eyebrow. “For what?” He sheepishly glances to the side, unsure of how to act or if he should go with the explanation. You take a step forward, cocking your head to the side. “Do we know each other from college or…?”“No!” he shakes his head and takes another breath to give himself courage. “We—we met before…”“I don’t remember, sorry…?”“Uhhh…” Joji has to say it, he knows he has to. He fucked up by acting like an asshole with a girl that was probably stressed with exams and such. She has done nothing wrong, but she has been in the right place at the wrong time. And he didn’t think she’d be this upset. It could’ve been anyone else and yet…He looked you over, from top to bottom and he had to say: you weren’t so shabby looking. He would’ve asked you out on any other occasions, but he was sure you were going to slap him instead of saying ‘yes.’ He probably ruined all his chances before he even asked. “You know, I…uh, I was the guy that…” he stopped after seeing the confusion on your face.“Yeah?” you encouraged.And this time, he knew he had to do it once and for all. “I was the guy that jumped on the table earlier and ruined your books…”You took a few seconds to process his words and when all the puzzle pieces fell together to form the big picture. And when it did… “YOU!”“Yeah, it’s me…” he really felt sorry for his silly little prank and closed his eyes, awaiting the impact of a slap, but nothing came.“You’re such an ass, you know that?!” you scolded him and started to laugh nervously, already done with this shit. Why did it have to be this cute guy? Why couldn’t it be a real asshole and not this…dude?“Y-Yeah I know—““Well then goodbye!” and not without another word in addition, you spun on your heels and stomped away angrily.“Wait!” the Asian boy ran after you, his heart fluttering. “Can I at least make it up to you by taking you out to a coffee?”
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“You’re late.”The boy smiles sheepishly at you as he struggles to catch his breath; he had to run over a long way to reach the designated location. You weren’t impressed by his struggle; it didn’t change the fact that he was 20 minutes late. And it wasn’t even sunny or warm to at least enjoy spending time outside. It was cold and it looked as if it would rain any moment now. Your mood soured even more when you realized you didn’t have an umbrella. Forgot it in your haste to be on time. So you were kinda screwed in that aspect if it started raining. But as you looked over at Joji, you noticed he was holding one in his hand. That improved your mood a bit as you pointed at it and told Joji that he’d better walk you home after all of this.“Yeah,” he immediately said, face brightening up after seeing you were not that mad at him. “Sure, anything. I’m just…sorry for being a bit late, I had to film something—“ he started to gesticulate, his expression clearly showing how bad he felt for making you wait on your first ‘date’.“Never mind,” you cut him off, trembling a bit and in vain trying to warm yourself up. “Can we go inside first please?”“Oh.” He looked at you and noticed how miserable you actually felt. “Ok, yeah. Let’s.” he put a hand on the small of your back to guide you to the entrance of the club. ‘His hand is so warm…’ you thought absent-mindedly, your shivering stopping at the contact. ‘Weird.’ You pushed the impression away so you could focus on what was going to happen. Today, you two were supposed to attend a concert together: his apology for ruining your study session a few days ago. It took a lot of convincing on his part to make you actually accept his excuses, but hey it worked: here you were. Sure, he kinda fucked up again by showing up late, but you seemed willing to forgive him if he acted nicely.“You do have the tickets, right?” you asked, wanting to make sure.Joji proudly took them out of his jacket pocket and showed them off before giving them to the lady at the front. After making sure you got your bracelets and had your bags checked, you went deeper inside the club. Music invaded your ears, a rather soft and jazzy melody which you both liked and started moving a bit to. It was dark and cosy inside; not many people yet and besides, they were all busy chatting to one another. You glance at the watch on your phone: still a good half an hour before the concert actually starts.“So what do we do?” you ask Joji after realizing you were just standing in the middle of the room while analyzing the situation.“Let’s sit down,” he answered as he gently grabbed your hand before you could protest. “I see a good spot over there.” He doesn’t wait for you to say something, he just drags you to a couch in a rather secluded area. At least it had a great viewing point towards the stage, where technicians were working on. You sit down, shedding your coat off. “I’m gonna go buy us something. What do you want to drink?”“Oh I can pay for—“He raises a hand in the air “My treat.”“But—““I am not going to take no as an answer,” his grin is too dazzling for you to counter any more so you just nod and tell him your preferred drink. “Coming right up,” he winks at you before disappearing into the crowd, leaving you there blushing.Joji doesn’t take long to return and he sits down next to you, handing you your drink. You both cheer and afterwards fall into a pleasant conversation about yourselves. You were a bit reluctant to share private stuff with him, thinking that after what he has done to you, you won’t have anything to talk to him. You only accepted his invitation because he kept on following you around and insisting that you hadto forgive him. But after actually talking to him and finding out about his YouTube career, you were intrigued and involuntarily gave him another chance. He made you laugh a lot, which was a plus, and you had no idea how quickly time passed.“It’s about to start,” he suddenly says, glancing to where the stage was. You could hear the instruments starting one by one in a slow build-up, but you weren’t paying attention. Your eyes were only glued to him. You previously believed he was rather handsome but today you found him extraordinary. The way the shadows and the lights fell on his face, making him mysterious with that soft smile he had on his lips…You were glad you gave him a chance.“Hey, you ok?” his hand waves in front of your eyes and you snap back to reality. You nod fervently and his gaze softens at the sight of your flustered expression. He offers you his hand like a true gentleman “Want to go a little further?” you’re too enthralled by him to say no and your hand connects with his in a tight grip. He guides you though the crowd, making sure to hold you close and not let go. You arrive almost in the front row just as the solo artist starts singing.You had so much fun that neither of you remember how long it has been. You didn’t even feel how tired you actually were or that your hairstyle was messier now. The only thing that counted was you and him dancing and laughing at one another, pressed into each other by the crows. But neither minded the slight touching… You didn’t even imagine that he was such a riot, and the way he danced…He had it all.“Milady,” he jokes as you two go in the hallway at the end of the concert. It was time to leave; at least you had to because people were still staying around. He’s holding your jacket for you to take it and you giggle, playing along.“Thank you,” you close your zipper and wait for him to do the same. You go outside.And it’s raining.“Great…” you mutter. It was a drizzle but still: you had no intention of going in it. “Maybe we should go ba—“A click and a pop and a black circle appears in front of you two. It takes you a few seconds before you realize that it was Joji’s umbrella. You glance at him and he’s smiling cutely “Shall I walk you home?”It makes you laugh and you obviously say yes. He offers you his arms and you take it, holding it and shuffling closer to his body as you two walk. Partially because you didn’t want raindrops on your shoulder but mostly because it gave you an excuse to huddle next to Joji’s body warmth. Talking about your experience at the concert, you involuntarily slow down and got lost at some point on your way home, to which you just laughed at. Soon, though, you end up in front of your apartment. It was still raining, not as much as before, but you still take shelter under Joji’s umbrella as you face each other for the final goodbyes.As silence befalls you, you nervously stare at your feet, not wanting to meet his gaze or say goodbye. “Here we are…” you say instead, too occupied to ponder whether you should invite him inside for a coffee (with all the implications) or not. You didn’t want to seem like the type of person that shags on the first date, but you at least wanted to give him your gratitude for treating you well. And to show that you completely forgave him. “Umm, so…”“I had fun!” it’s as if he can sense your internal conflict. You look up at him and see his calm smile and eyes that reassure you that he won’t force you to do anything you wouldn’t like. That relaxes you and you give him a soft smile in return.“Me too…” another silence surrounds you, but it’s not as awkward as before. It’s a relaxing one, the pitter-patter of the rain creating a serene atmosphere. You look into each other’s eyes and your heart is actually beating fast in anticipation. This was the scene in every movie where the boy leans over to kiss the girl and you’re actually hoping he’ll do so…Even if you’re still nervous and unsure and ughh, should you kiss him or not?!“I’ve got to go,” he murmurs seductively in that low voice of his and you gulp. This is it. This is the life changing moment… “I’d like to go on another date with you again.”You close your eyes and feel his breath over your cheeks as he leans closer. You scrunch up your nose, close your fists and wait…wait for it to happen. God, your face is so red; it’s amazing he doesn’t laugh at you for it.“If you want to, of course…” he whispers and you whimper back “I do…”, unable to say it any louder. His lips press themselves on your forehead in a lingering kiss. Your eyes pop open as soon as you feel him going away, your mouth open in mute surprise. He ruffled your hair slightly after that, grinning “I’ll call you.”“I—I uh—“ you don’t know what to say; you’re too flustered. He chuckles, and it pisses you off to see that. “H-Hey!” you swat at him playfully. “Don’t make fun of me!”He laughs whole-heartedly and urges you to go inside after making sure you’ll accept his call later. “Good night!” he yells as he skips away, waving at you cutely.“Good night…” you wave back, standing right where he left you and feeling pretty much in love.
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Shit. Everything has been shitty today and nothing worked out the way you wanted to. Right from the beginning, you didn’t hear the alarm so you woke up late, had to rush through your morning routine, ate nothing and didn’t get to have the delicious coffee that keeps you energized all day. Furthermore, you had to run to work, almost got hit by a car, got scolded by your boss for being late, which resulted in him punishing you by giving you more work. It was unfair, but you couldn’t complain, so you have been stuck working until late in the evening. You watched in dismay as all of your colleagues left early, leaving you there to finish with whatever you were doing. And it was Friday too! You had plans for tonight with your lover; you didn’t have time for this shit!‘hey babe. Excited for today?’ you read Joji’s message with a heavy heart and you take a few moments to text him back that you won’t be able to go out tonight.‘long day at work. sorry.’ You briefly and flatly respond, not wanting to go into details and hoping he’ll understand. After seeing he won’t respond, certainly upset with you, you sigh deeply and rub your eyes before going back to your work, wanting to finish it as soon as possible. Getting home was your main objective and you were going to achieve it through any means.At 7 you’re back inside your shitty apartment that you could barely afford, exhausted. Your feet felt like lead in the shoes, your back ached, in a need of massage and you felt an incoming headache. You needed to relax asap. Your tired eyes scan your flat, not impressed with it but hey, at least you had a place where to live. And you have managed to survive with minimum wage until now, so you weren’t complaining any more.
It still felt empty and cold though…Joji always seemed to liven up things around your apartment whenever he was around…
You ignore the loneliness that suddenly creeps into your soul and take off those awful heels you had to wear all day. You throw them somewhere in the hallway and, as you’re walking towards the kitchen for a glass of water, you take off your jacket too. Not caring at all, you start to undress yourself as you’re walking around, you mind set on having a long hot bath then probably go to sleep for the rest of the evening. You turn on the water and, after making sure it was the right temperature, you leave it running. Only in your underwear and your black stockings, you sit on the armrest of your couch and shuffle through your playlist in search for good background music that’ll help you relax. For a while, you stay there while listening to Joji’s own music, staring blankly into space and letting thoughts corrupt your mind. Joji’s music style usually manages to make you feel better despite being rather sad. Today, though…it only seems to make things worse because you keep remembering how you pushed him away without an actual explanation. You check your phone once again but no response from him. ‘He’s probably mad,’ you think. ‘I’d be mad too if I were him…’Sighing, you try not to let it get to you and slowly peel the stockings off your feet, feeling that the bath was almost ready. ‘I’ll apologize tomorrow and make it up to him.’ With that thought in mind, you settle for a three hour long music compilation to soothe your ears while you’re taking your bath. Smooth piano notes reverberates throughout your apartment, pleasing your soul and lifting up your spirits a bit. Slowly, to the beat of the jazzy rhythm, you unclasped your bra as you’re walking towards the bathroom, leaving it to lie there at the door. You turn off the water and slide off your panties. With one toe, you test the water and find it rather hot, but not enough to burn your skin off. You’re not going to wait for it to cool down; a cold draft coming out of nowhere makes you shiver, goosebumps appearing on your flesh. You’d rather be comfy and warm than cold, so you gently dip your foot in the tub.You’re taking your time to actually enter but when you finally succumb your body to the hot water, you forget about all your worries. You let out a relieved sigh, letting your body relax from all the stress, and you’re floating above the surface, like on a cloud. Closing your eyes, you’re letting yourself fly over the musical rhythms of the song, your mind drifting away.Finally…***He hears loud jazz music coming from your apartment as he’s climbing up the stairs, and for a second, he thinks you had someone over. It would’ve made sense after your last message that clearly said ‘leave me alone’. Only that he was not buying that, not one bit. Joji really hoped you were telling the truth when you told him indirectly you were just tired from work. He didn’t want to believe anything else.Joji reaches your door and uses the spare keys you gave him as a token of trust between the two of you. You also had a key to his apartment, but he visited you more often than you visited him due to your work schedule. He unlocks the door and enters cautiously, looking around to see if there was any intruder. The coast was clear, even if he doesn’t see a single trace of you. He calls out your name, but he gets no reaction. Putting the bag he had in his hand down, he carefully enters your living room. You were still not there though, but he can see the trail of clothes on the floor leading to the bathroom. He tiptoes to the door and picks up your bra before daring to invade your privacy.“[name]?”Through the steam clouds that have formed inside he notices you in the bathtub, but you don’t seem to be aware of his presence. He takes silent steps towards you, not wanting to wake you up. You’re just standing there, your arms crossed over the edge of the tub, cheek resting on top of them, eyes closed. Your chest rises up and down rapidly with each breath you take, drops from your hair falling on the tiles.‘So beautiful,’ it pops into his head out of the blue, getting as close as he could to you. He’s unsure of what to do next because he can see you stayed in the bath enough. His own question is answered when you start to stir awake with a light moan. Joji’s body freezes, watching with amazement and not daring to disturb your awakening. You flutter your eyelashes open, blinking a couple of times to get used to the light. “Hmmm…?” you inquire to no one in particular. “How long have I been…” you spy in the corner of your eye a pair of feet and you instantly freak out, thinking that a weirdo broke into your home. You jump a bit, creating ripples on the surface of the water, but when your gaze falls on none other than Joji, you relax once again.“Joji!” you breathe out, relieved to see him. “You scared me!”“Sorry, didn’t mean to,” he grins, admiring you.“What are you doing here?” you ask him, happy he was here despite how you treated him earlier. His presence gave you comfort and all you wanted to do was go back to sleep with him staying by your side.“I was thinking that maybe you needed a bit of time out,” he grins at you, instantly melting your heart after seeing he clearly thought about your well-being. “Brought a couple of chick flicks and some popcorn for us to watch later.”“Awww…” you say softly at that, a stupid in love smile plastered on your face. “You’re so sweet, Joj…”Your low murmur and the way you look at him stirs something in Joji and he finds himself out of breath. His pulse picks up in speed as he admires you more carefully. Your wet hair, your slightly rosy cheeks from the heat, your intense gaze through half-lidded eyes, a bit clouded over. How droplets of water ran down your nose and over the pink lips he liked kissing every day. Your slender arms and your delicate hands, the way you breathed so erotically but without having the intention to…And your undulating body that was hidden in the water he loved to touch in your utmost intimate moments…Joji couldn’t help but feel on cloud nine whenever he stops to appreciate you in his life like this. How much you’ve influenced him and how lucky he was for having you by his side. How strong his feelings for you grew ever since you got together and how he loves the little moments when he realizes how in love with you he actually is.He smiles widely as he bends over to kiss the top of your head affectionately. You purr in pleasure, lifting up your head and demanding a kiss on the lips, but he only laughs in response “I’ll give you as many kisses as you want later, baby.” Joji gently grabs your arms and tugs you up, giving you the signal to follow his lead “C’mon, let’s get you out, bet you stayed enough.”You don’t protest as he lifts you up because you indeed feel a bit light headed. You cling onto him for support as your vision blackens and he holds you tightly, whispering encouraging words into your ear. Instead, you apologize for getting him wet, but he’s not listening as he stretches to grab a towel from the rack. He carefully wraps the oversized towel around your body and you hold onto it as Joji guides you outside the bathroom.“Go change quickly before you catch a cold, alright?” he gives you the instructions and you nod tiredly, heading to your bedroom. You leave him to his shenanigans and start wiping your body. When you were ready, you put on a shirt of his that he left with you as a reminder and some comfortable short pants. Taking a deep breath and feeling a lot better from when you arrived home, you confidently go back to the living room.“I’m back!” you cheer, and Joji turns his head, watching you skip to him with a small smile on his face. “What are you doing?”“Wanted to put some music but this shit is pretty good,” he is looking at your phone, his head slightly moving to the beat. You stay by his side, both sitting on the arm of the couch and lazily watch him leaf through your music. You rest your head on his shoulder and he is quick to react at the movement, looking down at you “Your hair’s still wet.”“So?” you yawn, running a hand through your messy locks. “Let’s watch a movie you brou—““Not until you dry your hair,” he sighs at your carelessness and takes your hand, twirling you around until you end up sitting on the couch. “Wait here.” He knows where your stuff is and it doesn’t take long to find the hair dryer. Patiently, you wait right where he left you, your eyes never leaving his form. Joji plugs in the device and sits down next to you, legs spread out apart. He pats the spot between them, encouraging you to sit there. Blushing a bit at his suggestion, you do shuffle until you stand where he wants you to. It feels comfortable…“Lower your head a bit for me,” he pushes the back of your head with the tips of his fingers and turns on the dryer.You never expected anyone, not even your lover, to dry out your hair for you. But it was surprisingly pleasant especially the way Joji treated you. He ran his fingers through your hair, brushing it and massaging your scalp from time to time; he knew what he was doing. You let him do what he wanted, closing your eyes and focusing all of your senses on him. And how he carefully took strands of your hair and individually dried them off…You felt the best in his care.“All done,” he suddenly turns off the loud dryer and you are back into the real world since you seemed to have drifted off into space. He had this effect on you. You feel his lips on the nape of your neck, moving downwards to your shoulder. Of course, it immediately turns you on and you moan out his name in a needy fashion. “What is it, baby?” oh lord, he was using that sexy voice of his, reverberating on your skin and tickling you. You knew what this meant. “Are you still tense?” His arms curled around your waist, pulling you closer to his chest and you lean your head back onto his shoulder. He continues to kiss your neck as you offer him more access, his warm hands going under your shirt. “Let me help you with that…” He rubs your tummy and you shudder as his right hand creeps upwards, cupping one of your breast. Joji pinches your hard bud, rubbing it roughly.“Shit…” you murmur and he chuckles in your ear.“You like it?” his other hand crawls downwards, going into your pants. His index finger started rubbing your clit lazily. In response, you grab his thick thighs as a way to support yourself. “No panties, huh?” you can picture him smirking darkly at your not-so-innocent behaviour. “Naughty…” he purrs and you know he’s as turned on as you are. After a few seconds, he pinches your nipple, eliciting a short scream from your mouth. “I can’t hear you say anything…I’d very much like to.”“Go faster…” you demand, which makes you chuckle once again.“As you wish,” his hand moves faster, finally generating a more vocal response from you. “Today’s only about you, babe.”“Oh,” you squeak as his fingers trail lower, inserting themselves easily inside of you cause of how wet he already made you. To help him, you shift your position to give him better access and he rewards your effort by going at a faster pace. He reaches deep and soon finds your soft spot that has you a panting mess. You sputter gibberish, alternating from calling his name and telling him to go faster, harder, to fuck you better. Joji complies obediently, knowing exactly what you want. As he goes faster, you grow louder, feeling that you were going to reach your peak soon.“Come on, baby, almost there…” he encourages you in a raspy voice, scraping his teeth on your skin and it seems enough for you to come undone. You scream his name and arch your back, violently coming onto his fingers. Joji takes them out slowly, whispering sweet nothings into your ear to relax you, his free hand rubbing your hips. “Was it good?” he asks. You can only nod, feeling exhausted now. “Feeling better?”“Y-yeah…” you look up at him, cuddling into his arms. He kisses the top of your head, grinning cutely.“Wanna watch some old shit?”You nod tiredly and he slides away from you for a few moments to go clean himself and grab the movies. Meanwhile, you find the energy to go grab some blankets for the two of you and you find him getting the DVD ready. He asks you what you want to watch but it doesn’t matter. He pops a random film inside and turns off the light, making the room completely dark and intimate. Not as if you were up for another round of something. The whole fingering left you all sleepy but it has been a welcomed thing. Joji certainly knew how to make you feel a lot better.And you were glad he was here.“Make some space,” he says to you and sits on the couch, making you lie down onto his lap. He pulls the blanket over the two of you then presses the button on the remote to start the movie.It doesn’t take long for you two to get distracted from what you were watching and start talking about random stuff, mostly about your day. He made sure to make you coax out all of your frustration, keeping on distracting you from the topic by kissing you. No second passed without him kissing your nose, or forehead, or every knuckle of your hand sweetly, making you feel flustered. At the second movie, you ran out of topics so you decide to actually focus on it. However, you fall asleep soundly halfway through and Joji notices. He turns off the TV and cuddles you closer, holding you tight, listening to the sound of your peaceful breathing. “Good night.” He whispers, unbeknown to you. “I promise tomorrow will be a better day…”
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“I’m sorry…I really am, but—“
All of your future hung on that one sentence. On that one sorry that ruined everything that you had with him.
“We can’t be together anymore.”
The worst part of it was that he never stopped you. Took all of your parting words with seriousness and said nothing in return. He just listened and didn’t mind your decision. Even if his heart was breaking and you could see that in his coal eyes. They still haunted you. In your dreams, in the real world and especially when you were looking into someone’s eyes that resembled his own colour. It caused you pain because, after all this time, after all the time you’ve been away—you still loved him with all your heart. He was still the man you wanted to be with, even if the circumstances would not allow you to see him.Just what am I doing here? You still ask yourself as you’re walking, but you can’t stop yourself. Not now, when you were so damn close. Your feet were moving on your own, guided by your memories after seeing the same buildings you used to. Not much changed since you left three years ago. It was all how you knew it. And you had no idea if that was good or bad—what were you supposed to feel? Because memories keep flooding in and soon enough, you find yourself standing where you first met him. You stop. Look around. Expected to see him appearing around the corner, but he doesn’t; of course. He does not know you’re here, that you’re back in town. So…what were the chances of him stumbling upon you?Walking slowly, you sit down on the bench where you shared your first kiss, folding your hands in your lap. You stare at the grey sky, the sun trying to peer through the clouds—like a shred of hope. A gust of wind makes you shudder and you hug yourself in an attempt to warm up. You look around for familiar faces, but your mind is clouded over with hazy memories, overlapping in an attempt to untangle themselves.How it all happened. How it all went on…Everything. And it hurts you to see how it all ended—that beautiful relationship that you had with Joji such a long time ago. How stupid you have been for letting him go just because of some people’s words. He was the boy of your dreams, and cutting ties with him has been a mistake. A big mistake. Even if you knew you would’ve left town sooner or later, it would’ve have ended differently. Maybe today you would’ve still be friends, still talking to each other—or maybe even in a distant relationship. You would’ve liked that so much. But it didn’t happen. You were all alone now, without ever hearing from him anymore. You only knew things about him that everyone had access to—the surface trivia. He was still doing the Filthy Frank show with his YouTube friends; you still listened to his tracks, put on repeat, holding onto that and loving his still unchanged voice. You ached for those vlog videos in which he rarely appeared, but you treasured each moment.
Joji was still part of your life, despite not being together anymore.
You sigh. If only you had been braver…You could never forgive yourself for this, but it was too late now. ‘You’re a fool for coming back here, [name]. What did you expect? To see him once again?’ You honestly believed that. You moved back here, in NY, and this time you won’t leave. Not anymore. You won’t run away again from the past—you’ll confront it head on. You grew up, matured; and, if you’re ever going to see Joji again, you’d make it right again. If he gives you the chance. It hasn’t been long since you arrived and yet you didn’t wait long to just rush here in the hopes that you’ll somehow—by chance—stumble across him. See him again and apologize. Maybe rekindle the old flame. However, it all seemed silly—now that you’ve waste so much time in wandering around without a single trace of him. You didn’t even stop to think that maybe he left town in the meantime. There was no way you’d find him. You hang your head, sighing. This was stupid.“A pretty girl like you shouldn’t be sighing.”Gasping, you lift up your head in surprise. You heard no footsteps approaching, but you’re even more shocked when you see who was standing in front of you. Obviously, your innermost wishes came true and there he was—standing so normally in front of you. It was funny, the whole situation. Seems like the clouds are starting to clear up and there was a ray of the sun shining through, straight on him. ‘What is this?’ you think. ‘Some cliche movie scene?’ But you didn’t mind it at all. “Joji…” mixed emotions—fear, happiness, relief—passed on your face as you stared up at him in awe. A stupid smile is plastered on your lips, growing wider and wider the more you looked at him. “You haven’t changed at all,” you tell him because he honestly didn’t. He still seemed the same as when you last saw him. Still the same height, still the same long hairstyle, so fluffy and messy. And the piercing black eyes that used to stare at you so lovingly…Now reduced to nothing. He wasn’t smiling, he didn’t seem happy to see you. It made your smile falter a bit in intensity because—of course. Why would he be glad to see you after you dumped him without any explanation? But he didn’t seem mad; only dead tired.“Neither did you,” he answered and oh god, that voice! You missed it hearing it live. “I never imagined I’d actually see you here.”It takes you by surprise. What did this meant? You can’t read his expression, though—you can’t guess what was going on inside his head. “…What?” you stupidly say, feeling your heart rate rising with each passing second at the prospect of him having thought about you all this time. Just like you did.Maybe there was still a chance. One can only hope.“I always come here.” He gazes at you distantly, standing there with his hands in his jacket’s pockets—expression blank. You wait, breath hitched in your throat. He sighs heavily, averting his gaze to the side, and says softly, only for your ears “Reminds me of you.” He lets a bit of pain slip into his voice and you exhale heavily, feeling too ashamed of your actions to continue looking him in the eye. Of course he’s hurt; ‘What did you expect, stupid? For him to jump into your arms? He probably hasn’t even forgiven you for breaking his heart…’ Still, you can’t repress the blush from creeping onto your cheeks, and the slight crooked smile. He was here. You’ve finally seen him and he was real, breathing—he wasn’t a dream. Joji really was here.“Nice to see you again, Joji…” you can’t help but say with a sad smile, glancing up at him for a reaction.He’s staring at you. Judging you. And you shut up. Await the next question. “How come you’re here?” Ok. Something normal you could work with in the awkwardness. “I moved back for real this time, so we can hang out again, if—“ you swallow “—if you want…?” You pause, unsure of how to continue. Have you been too forward with your proposal? It does seem out of place, but you want to get it out of the way. He’d eventually ask for an explanation, no? You open your mouth to hastily say “Joji, I want—““Never did I stop thinking about you, [name].” the handsome man interrupts, shuffling towards you and sitting down on the bench, next to you. Close enough that you could feel his warmth, your thighs barely touching. He relaxes, hiding his mouth in his jacket and still not looking in your direction. He still is defensive and it makes your body tense. “Every night, you appear in my dreams because you…haunt me.”“I’m sorry—““I never got over it.” He goes on, his tone warning you to let him finish. “Didn’t understood why.” he glances at you with that tormented gaze. “Do you know what I mean?” You nod, biting your lower lip nervously. “I tried to get over it, but…” he shrugs nonchalantly, and you understand what he means. He was almost in the same situation as you. “Now you’re here. And I’m glad.”“Oh, Joji…”“This is the only thing that ties me to you.” He deadpans, and you feel your temperature dropping low. “I can finally hear what you have to say as an excuse for it all. I didn’t buy all that bullshit you gave me.” Joji still pretends not to be affected by all this, but you know better. He still hasn’t changed most of his body language habits. “So put me at ease. Tell me why.”You take a deep breath, having expected this question. You preferred later than sooner, but…life was cruel. “Alright…” you start. “I’ll tell you the truth.”
You were happy together. So damn happy. Living in a bubble high above everyone where no one could disturb your peace. It was only you and him, loving one another—kissing, holding hands, making love…The way he was treating you was blissful. And he was so damn understanding towards your insecurities about your…
Chubbiness.
“You know that I was…insecure about myself, when we were together…” He nods. “But you still told me I was beautiful, no matter what, and that you loved me.”“…I guess,” he snorts, staring in front of him.You wring your hands in your lap “I apologize for not believing you completely…”No matter what Joji said, you grew more and more paranoid. Your insecurity got the better of you and you didn’t believe it was right to stay by Joji’s side. It was too much—too beautiful, like a dream. Who were you to hold him back? People were giving you odd stares whenever you were walking down the street—malicious, asking themselves probably, why were you with a cute guy like Joji? You had nothing special. “What?” he can’t believe what you were saying.“I didn’t think that I was worthy of you. Whenever I walked around, holding hands with you, I—kept on thinking it was wrong of me to do that. That I shouldn’t have been the one to hold your hand or—or to love you…” You look down, feeling rather relieved to let it all out. “And then they started talking…”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me right, bitch. Get away from Joji or else—!”
“But—“
“Ha ha, do you think you have a chance?”
“Do you really believe Joji likes you? Ha ha, no way! He’s only using you. You’re just a fa—““They said this? Who did?!” the Asian man was outraged, being the first time he heard something like this. You can see finally some emotion in those eyes, and it was anger. Mostly directed at you.You lower your head. “It doesn’t matter now…”“Why didn’t you tell me, [name]?!” he snaps at you, all of the hurt and the pain spilling out of him in an outburst.You can feel the bitter tears stinging your eyes as you frantically gesticulate, in an attempt to explain yourself “I don’t know, I—I couldn’t think straight, I mean, they were right, what were you doing with someone like me? What did people think whenever they say you holding my hand on the street? I—I was ruining your image, I couldn’t just…be with you anymore!”“And did you ask me for my opinion?!” Joji grabs your hands and holds them in place. You stop talking, hair covering your expression, your lip quivering. You sniff hard, shut your eyes closed and try not to cry. “[Name]…” you hear him sigh heavily. “You should’ve told me…You knew I didn’t care about what other people said. I only wanted you.”“I’m sorry…” you sob.Joji’s unsure how to react—if he was allowed to touch you intimately, like he did before. “Why didn’t you tell me the truth?”“I was afraid. I thought you were going to throw me away because I kept bitching about it…”“I would’ve never done that, you know that, you…” he gently brushes your hair out of your face and lifts up your chin. “Fool.” You catch his gaze and it moves you; so much emotion written on his face, the fondness you thought lost still there, between the pain and remorse. “I shouldn’t have let you go so easily. I should’ve insisted more.”You stand there in front of him and he says nothing. He only shoves his hands in his pockets and shrugs. “Alright. I understand.” You expected him to protest, to at least try to get you back, but he does none of that. “See y’around.” He only smiles and turns, walking away, out of your life.“I should’ve know that there was more to it than just ‘I just don’t love you anymore.’…I believed it was true, despite everything.”“It’s not your fault, Joji!” you cry out, gripping his freezing fingers and squeezing them. “It’s all me…I had to leave anyway and I thought it was better this way. It was not, I know now…I regret it—I still think of you, I just…” you can’t say the words. There’s no chance of you possibly telling him that you still loved him.“I’m sorry too, [name]…” he takes the opportunity and wraps an arm around your shoulder, bringing you close. You lean into him, welcoming the smell of him you so missed. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I gave up too easily.”“We both made mistakes…”You stay there, in silence, in the embrace, until he opens his mouth again. “Do you remember what I used to tell you?”
“Oh, Joji…” you moan breathlessly, your fingers working in his hair, doing a good job in ruffling it. He lifts his head from between your legs, licking his lips then smirking lovingly.
“What is it, beautiful?”
“Do you—“ you gulp, feeling embarrassed for interrupting him at such an intense moment. But you had to know. “—really think I’m beautiful, even when I’m like this…?”
“Like what?” you just look at him. “Oh. This again?” he rests himself on his elbows, peering at you through his long lashes. In the semi-light, he looked so mysterious and handsome..“You already know…” he trails his long fingers up your thighs, suddenly grabbing the skin and shaking it. “I love grabbing these,” he then slaps it, making you squeak in pleasure. “Perfect for biting too.” Joji’s teeth tease the skin on your thighs, going upwards and reaching your stomach. “And you already know I don’t mind this. I love every part of you.” To prove this, he start kissing your navel gently, rubbing his hands all over your thighs. “You shouldn’t feel insecure because of this…” he tickles you and you squirm, but he holds you in place.
“Joji…”
He lifts his head, still smirking, his eyes glinting dangerously in the dim light “And you’re just soo delicious, babe.”“Aaaah,” you shamefully cover your red burning face with your palm, not wanting to think about it, but of course you’re thinking about it. “I do!”“Then…” he pulls your hand from your face. “You should’ve known.”You calm yourself down “Yeah…” Pause.“Have you learned something from all this?” he whispers, holding your hand in a tight grip. “Do you feel better about yourself? Do you think that you’re still going to feel shame when you’re walking with me on the street?”You nod your head confidently—if there was one thing you’ve learned all these years was to accept yourself. To think that you deserved anyone and that it shouldn’t matter what you looked like if you two loved each other. “I did.”“Good.” He sounds stern and you go back to reality, that maybe this was only a way towards forgiveness and not a make-up. Your heart feels heavy as you waited for him to talk again. “Then maybe—“ Joji’s throat goes dry all of a sudden. “—maybe we can slowly start to love each other again, start it all over…”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“ARGHH I’m going to do it!” you encourage yourself, your phone trembling in your hands, fingers twitching nervously over the keyboard. Your eyes could only see the name of the person you were trying to message—Joji Miller. Your ex-boyfriend which you recently reunited with after long arduous years. It all went better than expected, you have to admit. You never thought he’d get you to explain why you broke up with him in the first place right on the first accidental meeting; or him to forgive you so…easily?. A crease forms between your brows, as you pondered over the word ‘forgive’. He did seem to forgive you for your mistake, didn’t he? You wanted to believe that was the case because the sentence that make you wonder the most was…
‘Let’s slowly fall in love again.’
“Aaah, what does he mean with that?” You weren’t a naïve type of person—a part of you knew exactly what he meant. That he was giving you another chance, that he was willing to love you again and finally reignite your lost passion. Wasn’t that what you hoped for? This was the best possible outcome and yet you couldn’t help but worry about this like an in-love school girl. You felt ridiculous for keeping on asking yourself ‘what did he mean by that? Is he still in love with me? Are we now a couple?’ What’s and if’s—all that you couldn’t find an exact answers to. You felt deep inside that he still held you dear despite the fact that you broke his heart and kept you at a distance. He promised that he’ll contact you to hang out later on, but…“HE HASN’T CALLED AT ALL!” you cry out, spread onto your back in the bed, kicking your legs up in the air in frustration. You let your limbs fall back and huff in indignation. You were upset, to say the least. He gave you his number—actually, you persuaded him to give it to you—and you parted with that promise. You felt hopeful that you’ll keep in touch from now on. “And he ignored my messages, telling me he was busy all the time…” you pout, heart lurching into your stomach. “He’s avoiding me, doesn’t he?” You sigh, closing your eyes. “You should’ve expected this, [name]. Do you think he’s as eager to be with you after all you’ve done? Unbelievable…” However, you couldn’t lose hope now. You could understand if he was busy. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t answering at all—you had some pleasant and normal conversations. But it wasn’t enough! You ached to see him again!So today you were going to take matters into your own hands. The problem was that you lost courage halfway. You just couldn’t do it. What if you were bothering him?! You couldn’t just be a pest and make him change his mind—not when you felt so close in conquering his heart again. You felt as if he only needed a little push in order to make Joji yours again.“Agh, I sound as if I own him!” You didn’t mean it like that—your thoughts were a jumbled mess and your desperation was showing. “Calm down, [name]…” you breathe in and out deeply, trying to find your Zen. It wasn’t a surprise that you were eager after such a long time, but you knew you had to be patient. Wait for him to find it comfortable enough to contact you and that was it. Even if you were slowly losing your composure. “It was has been two weeks since then—“The very loud ringing of your phone ring tone scares the soul out of you and you jump, screaming in fright. You stare at your phone, forgotten nearby you, and your heart stops for almost a second. The screen showed off a single caller. “JOJI!!” you almost choke on your spit as you scramble for your device, answering with shaking hands “HELLO!? YES?!”“…” silence on the other line and you gulp, thinking it has been a mistake. “[name]…?”“Yes,” you tone down your tone and your nerves, though you felt like fainting right there on the spot. “Hi, Joji. Hello.”“Are you ok? Your voice sounds rather…”You face palm quietly. Your throat hurt from yelling too much…Clearing it, you answer “Yes, I’m fine, just fine.” And then anxiety and hope suddenly seemed to bloom between the two of you. “H-How are you…?”“Same as always,” he sounds tired; probably from working too much. “You?”“Just peachy…” he doesn’t say anything and an awkward silence settles between the two of you. You hear him shuffling with some papers while you nervously twirl a lock of your hair. “Wh—“ you gulp, deciding to break the tension. After all, it was the first time he called. “Why did you call, Joji?”“Oh, I wanted to ask you out.”Your heart skips a beat, even if he sounds so nonchalantly and uninterested. “O-oh? You-you mean it?”“Yeah, sure. How about tonight?”You’re already bouncing eagerly in the bed “Yes! I mean, uh, yeah, I’m free, I can definitely come!”“Cool,” he coughs. “I’ll tell you the details later.”“Ok, Joji, thank you for inviting me!”“No problem. See ya.”“Bye!” you close your phone and immediately started screaming excitedly and dancing around in the room. “I have a date with Joji, I have a date with—“ You stop suddenly “Shit, I have to wear something cute…” You pounce onto your wardrobe, rummaging around for some cute outfits that you had. After all, you had to make sure your looked perfect today! And you had no time to waste.Today was the fateful day in which you’re going to be together with Joji again!“Yo, [name], it’s nice to see ya again!”“I see you still haven’t changed, cunt.”You freeze in your steps as soon as you enter the pub you were supposed to meet with Joji, clutching the straps of your bag tightly. Your throat feels dry as you stare at the clearly uninvited guests. “What are you guys doing here?” you try to put on a smile for Max and Ian. Joji’s friends—they used to be your friends also. But you haven’t kept in contact with them since you didn’t want to be reminded of Joji. And now here they were; at your date with Joji.“Aren’t you glad to see us?” Max frowns as Ian was smirking.“I am, it’s just that…I didn’t expect you here…” you quickly glance at Joji, who smiled briefly in your direction then resumed browsing his phone. ‘What’s going on here?’ you felt a pang of hurt at his betrayal—he should at least have the decency to greet you properly. Instead, you were swarmed with hugs from the other two boys. They missed you, apparently. And somehow, you missed their goofy self together too.“Why don’t you three idiots sit down?” Joji interjects and you find yourself rushing to his side, as in to catch a place next to him. You didn’t want to sit with either Max or Ian, though you had nothing against them. Joji gives you a smile and it brightens up your mood a little bit—you make quite a show in stripping your coat down, making sure to show off your bare shoulders. You stand up as straight as you could, legs crossed—you wore a rather short dress, only to remind him what he was missing out on. You knew well that he was a thighs man so…But he didn’t even spare you a glance, his eyes glued to the screen while Ian and Max didn’t gave you a chance to start a conversation with him and pestered you with questions. You had no choice but to answer them.The night went by unnoticed—but not for you. You were growing anxious by the lack of a response from Joji at your attempts to start a conversation with him. For you, time went as slowly as a snail and you were starting to get sick of this. The man of your life kept on ignoring you, preferring to laugh with his friends. He sometimes addressed you too, but it was as if he was being polite, not because he wanted to. And he kept his distance, despite you scooting closer or trying to touch him whenever he was saying a very funny joke. No—this was too much. You felt like shit; this was not supposed to happen. You thought Joji understood your reasons for the breakup, but he was treating you as if you were still the trash that left him because you have been selfish. Which was totally not the case!From sorrow, you started ordering various cocktails to soften the pain. At least that. And it gave you an excuse to not speak—you got tired of talking aimlessly. So you kept on sipping on the drink, not even bothering to listen to their conversation anymore. Your heart was torn and you wanted to go back home, get rid of this ridiculous dress and eat some ice cream while watching some movies. Drown your sorrows away, to be left alone. To get away from Joji and wait for a better day—because today was not the day, seems like.“I wanna go home…” you sigh, aware of the fact that they weren’t going to hear you over the sound of the music.“You said something, [name]?” Joji still does and glances at you—and that look kills you, angers you. You just wanted to say a big ‘fuck you’ to him, yet you control yourself.“Yes.” You suddenly stand up, startling them all. “I’m going home.”“Woah, why, the night is still young—“ Max tries to say but your glare shuts him up. Both the boys look between you and Joji, as if they understood what was going on—but the suckers knew nothing. NOTHING. You wanted to scream at all of them—especially at the Asian man for tricking you and giving you false hope for a reconciliation. Seems like it wasn’t going to happen.“[name], stay, I’ll take—“ Joji has the audacity to grab your wrist and try to stop you, but you pull your hand away.“No!” you glare, even if you probably didn’t look convincing as you were swaying from side to side. You didn’t notice how much you’ve drunk, but you were surely feeling a little tipsy, your mind spinning. How you’ll get home was still a mystery to you—probably you’ll take a taxi while trying to look as normal as you could.Joji simply stares at you intensely, his gaze making you slightly uncomfortable, but you ignore the nagging feeling in your mind and dress yourself.“I can take you home, [name].”This takes you by surprise but you stand firm. “I can take care of myself, Joji.” You look downwards at your feet, sad. “…It’s not like you’ve been very pleasant to me tonight so I presume me not being present here is a welcomed gift to you…”His eyes widen and tries to call out to you, but you storm out of the place, shouting apologies for not leaving money to pay for your drinks. You believed that that’s going to be a perfect punishment for Joji—something he has to ponder over. You get out of the place and, letting your tears finally free. You can’t help it and you don’t care who sees. It’s late anyway, not many people around, and you’re hidden by the darkness. You can let your feelings be free without a worry…Because no way in hell he’s going to run after you—when you were so far away from the pub.“[name]!! WAIT!” the mere ridiculousness of the situation halts you. There’s no way Joji was behind you. Laughing, you turn your head and—“AAAAH HE’S REALLY FOLLOWING ME!” Unsure how to react after seeing this, you stumble forward, tripping on your heels and falling.You hear steps as everything moves in slow motion, then a hard object stopping you. “Gotcha…” the breathy whisper of Joji in your ear and you freeze, the blurry pattern of the rain-stained pavement dancing in front of your face.Damn, your heart was racing as Joji’s arms wrap around your waist, bringing you close to his body, lips ghosting over the nape of your neck as if an invitation. Your mind goes nuts and you were sure he could hear your fluttering heart. ‘What does this mean?! What’s he doing here?’ And why were you melting in his embrace like butter?“Why did you run like that?”His serious and scolding tone wakes you up and you find yourself getting angry once again. “Let me go!” You’re rather disappointed when he does, but you turn to face him either way, fists clenched, your glare burning him. He makes a grimace as if hurt—but you don’t buy it. “Why did you come for me?”“I shouldn’t have?” he shoves his hands in his pockets, regarding you coolly.“No—““You were asking for it.”That tone—that patronizing tone—annoys you and you burst, stepping towards him and shoving a finger up his nose. “Don’t make it sound as if you felt obliged to do this! You weren’t and I was certainly not asking for it!” He just listens. “Don’t think you’re high and mighty with me when…when you acted like such a douchebag!” When he doesn’t answer, you go on. “How dare you play with me so? What am I, a joke to you? You called me here and I thought you finally asked me on a date—““I did—““This is not a DATE, Joji!” you huff, frustrated. “A date is supposed to be between TWO people!” you sigh at his indifference, feeling fresh tears coming into your eyes. “Why did you do this? I thought we were supposed to fall in love again…” whiny and needy—that’s how you felt. But you had had enough. He wasn’t going to make fun of you now. “If you didn’t plan on that, then don’t say you do…You’re being misleading and I don’t like it…”“[name]…” you hang your head but you don’t pull away when he gently touches your cheek to wipe your tears away with your thumb.“I’m sorry if I’m being needy and shit, but…I thought that…” Sniff. “I don’t think it’s worth it if you won’t try…”You don’t get to add anything else because he suddenly groans extremely loud, out of frustration. It takes you by surprise but you don’t even get to lift your head because he grabs the side of your face. He tilts it up and smashes his lips roughly on top of yours. You squeak and gasp, and he shoves his tongue inside your mouth, beginning to French you in the way he was so skilled in. He holds you in place, despite the weak attempt to push him away. He was too strong, his lips too tasteful—and you succumb to his will completely, even if you’re more shocked than anything. You start to kiss back, though, with the same passion he was giving—and oh how you missed this! How you missed his touch, how you missed his strong and dominant kisses, the way he made you feel by just pressing his lips onto yours. It makes you cry even stronger.He pulls away after a few moments, panting heavily, staring lovingly into your eyes—the same way you probably looked. You took a deep breath, hand on your chest as you wanted to just calm your stupid rapidly beating heart, you look up at him, confused “Wh-What was that, Joji? Why…?” Hoped he wasn’t goofing around.“You’re such an idiot,” he groans dangerously. “It’s hard for me too.”“What is…?”His tone drops to a low whisper, caressing your cheeks. “I tried hard to stay away—didn’t want to look desperate. I didn’t mean to make you cry but…”‘Huh?’“Gosh, I sound like such a pussy right now….” He sighed and you could see a light blush dusting his cheeks in the pale lights. “I didn’t want to look like the fool that easily falls for you, but seems like I’m already hooked. I know I said to take things slowly but I never stopped in the first place. I missed—“You shush him up with a finger on his lips “Stop talking” and begin to kiss him. Rekindling the old flame. Banish the misconceptions, figure the good things later. Fall in love way too quickly, but that was how it was. And neither could stop—the train of feelings was on the move. The mishmash of lips was the only thing that mattered.And you were happier than ever.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
He’s the chill and cool dad that bothers no one and that everyone likes—including the other mothers. You don’t know how he charms them (probably the same way he charmed you) by only talking to them, but he still does. And you’re kinda jealous of the attention he gets. You wished he stopped, but at the same time, you knew he was doing this on purpose to make you jealous.
(You’ll be sure to punish him for this later).
Your kid is the most fashionable kid around. Basically, a mini version of Joji (which everyone appreciates).
Gives up pretty easily when trying to feed the baby. “You’re better at this than me, [name].”
But, in exchange, changes diapers like an expert. You’re actually grateful for his sacrifice (though he probably smelt many other nasty shit in his life so for him, this is a piece of cake hah).
He’d read to your child every night—it doesn’t take long for the kid to fall asleep from his soothing voice, even if Joji might say crap or invent a story (as in a Filthy Frank story).
He sings for the kid more often than reading, though.
Your kid involuntarily loves Filthy Frank for all the shit he’s done because Joji has the tendency to make him look very cool. But he’ll never ever expose the kiddo to what he’s doing or what Frank really is. “He’ll find out when he’s older and he’ll be able to understand, ok?”
He won’t tone down the Filthy Frank show, but he’d be rather ashamed of it. He’ll often complain to you about his worries. “What if the kid will hate me if he finds out Frank’s actually a loser like me?” You roll your eyes “I bet he’ll love you even more. You’re practically the hero he looks up to.”
He’ll try hard not to ignore the kid even if he has so much work to deal with.
Surprisingly, he won’t expose the child to Ian and Max’s shenanigans. Joji would never let them alone with the kid because he’s afraid he might learn something bad from them. His reason is: “I don’t want him exposed to ‘cancer’ at an early age.” Basically, he doesn’t want the kid to take the same path as he did and make his own decisions.
But he’ll support your kid’s dreams either way (he might even be happy if the kid decides to carry on Frank’s legacy).
He doesn’t mind getting up in the middle of the night if your baby’s crying—he’s kind of a night owl himself (which of course you don’t always approve of).
He’s up for sex despite the danger of your kid stumbling upon the two of you. It’s part of the thrill (even if it may be hard to explain the cuffs).
He is very careful not to let the kid put strange harmful things in his mouth and he is constantly with his eyes on him. Plus, he won’t encourage him to draw on any wall—he’d make sure to have a designated place where the kid could doodle so he won’t have to face your burning anger again.
On Halloween, your kid would be dressed as a mini Filthy Frank which will make Joji pretty proud.
Joji loves tickling your child and likes getting tickled in return. It’ll be a laughfest.
He’s the natural type of dad—all of the things he needs to do comes naturally to him and he’ll excel in anything.
He is the one that secretly teaches your kid to say ‘mom’, just so he can see your happy smile when he finally manage to say the word.·
Sometimes, he’d buy you two special and cute presents.
He won’t take as many pictures as Max and Ian would—but the ones he take, Joji keeps them close to his heart and probably has a picture of you two in his wallet or something. He won’t flaunt it to every person he knows, only to his close friends. His family life is rather private and hidden from his fanbase.
When he’s very drunk, though, he likes to tell people around how much he loves his family. Actually, he gushes about every little thing your kid has done (you found out from Max and Ian because Joji vehemently denies the claims).
“Guys, guys—have I told you how my kid drew me a Filthy Frank fan art?” “Yes, George. You’ve told us like a thousand times already.”
Makes a lot of silly faces to make your child laugh.
He’s the last to fall asleep so he’ll be the one to tuck you two in bed, making sure to cover your bodies with a warm blanket before sneaking comfortably behind you and hold you both close.
Whenever one of you is away, the other calls and puts your kid at the end of the receiver, just so he can talk and cheer you up.
It’s fun seeing Joji wearing a baby harness, but he doesn’t mind it at all. In fact, he’d be nonchalant about the whole thing (he secretly loves it because he can hold your hand and keep the baby close to his chest at the same time while you’re walking).
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
‘I’ll be late home again. You don’t have to wait for me with dinner. I’ll eat out.’
“Idiot…” you grit your teeth, angered, wanting to just throw your phone around the kitchen. But you think better; that would be a waste. So, instead, you just slam it onto the table, making all the forks and the plates clatter loudly. Heaving out a big sigh, you rest your forehead into your palms, closing your eyes and trying to calm yourself down. It’s the fifth day in a row since he first started missing dinners together with his family. He always showed up late in the night, and would simply just kiss you hastily before locking himself in his room—to work on his videos, of course. Every night, it was the same thing, the same response: ‘Sorry, babe, I’ll make it up to you later, but this is really important!’“More important than your own spouse and child…?” you laughed dryly, having no more tears left to cry out. And this wasn’t even about you. You didn’t care that much, although you missed sleeping next to him or waking up to his beautiful smile in the morning. You understood that running a YouTube channel was a tough job and, though you didn’t quite approve of his antics, you let him do what he liked. You couldn’t make him unhappy. However, he was taking things a little bit too far. You could’ve overlooked it the first times, but after so many days—you didn’t want to let your inner doubts to surface, such as him actually cheating on you and pretending to work. He wasn’t the type. And you make him happy—that much was clear.But he was neglecting his duties as a father. If it hurt you this much, your baby was the one taking Joji’s absence the hardest. You knew how much your child loved being around his father and how happy he looked whenever he played with him. Joji was the only one who could truly relax your baby when he couldn’t sleep and basically made your life way easier. Ever since Joji started ‘missing’, there has been a noticeable change in your kid’s behaviour. There was a tint of sadness in those big innocent eyes and he frowned more often than smiled. The kid was distracted, didn’t pay as much attention at you as before; cried a lot at night, calling out for Joji. And you didn’t know what to do, what to say to make you child happy again. You couldn’t just force Joji back home or make him stay when he was supposed to make some money.
You couldn’t be selfish.
Small footsteps awake you from your daydream and you lift your head, not surprised to see your kid wobbling into the kitchen—he barely learned how to walk a week ago, but he was doing so well! It made your heart soar up in pride. But it quickly passed as you saw the kid’s hollow expression. Children tend to be very expressive and yours was not far from it. He looked torn inside and it broke your heart; no kid should experience this.“Da-da..” he tried to say and you immediately jumped down the chair, kneeling in order to hug your poor child to your chest.“Daddy’s not coming today,” you tell him, tears stinging your eyes mercilessly. You only held him closer.“I…I miss…Da-da,” he tries to say—words he heard and learned—and you understand him completely. You missed Joji too.“I know, honey. I know…Mommy does too.”You little sunshine squirms from under your arms and looks up at you with big eyes “Da-da not like me?” You gasp at the sudden question, your mouth forming an ‘O’ in surprise.“No! No, no, no, of course not!” you try to control your tears and the emotion in your tone. ‘Where did he learn to feel this?!’ You were afraid; you didn’t know why. “Daddy’s just bu—“But your kid wasn’t listening to you any longer. He went on. “Why isn’t Da-da here? Da-da forgot abo-abo…” he scrunches up his face, trying to figure out the word, but he can’t. “Da-da not like me!”You laugh dryly, petting your child’s hair. “No. He loves you, sweetheart.” And suddenly, anger flares inside of you, your eyes burning with determination. “And I’m going to prove it to you, don’t you worry. I won’t let him get away with this any more!”Never piss of a mother when her kid was in the mix. They turn into a lioness and will go very far for their offspring, no matter who you were. You weren’t going to stand down while your child was suffering. You were going to confront Joji! “Babe, I’m home!” Joji can’t help but yell as soon as he enters his apartment. He then scolds himself for his slip-up; it was pretty late and he was sure you were asleep . Waiting in your bed or you’ll just groggily saunter to him to kiss him goodnight. But…it was oddly quiet. There was no trace of you. Were you gone? ‘No way,’ he chuckled. You were just trying to surprise him. He was feeling rather empty and horny tonight, he has to admit. He wouldn’t mind if you waited for him in bed, eager to please him. He didn’t remember how long has passed since last time—he was so tired, his mind and imagination was drifting without actually realizing that you were probably not thinking about this. Still, he couldn’t help but chuckle drunkenly.He makes quite a mess of noises as he takes off his shoes and clothes—and that’s what triggers you. As he stumbles inside the living room, you take the cue to pop your head from your bedroom.“Hey!” Joji coos, opening his arms as if you’d just simply jump in his arms. But you glare at him, so fiercely that his grin drops instantly, a fear settling in his bones. “What?”“Come here.” You demand coldly, going inside the bedroom. Sighing heavily—knowing it’ll be a long night—he follows suite and enters the bedroom. He’s more than surprised to see your child still awake, even if his eyelids keep drooping in sleepiness. He was amazed to see him awake—and he was even more moved when the kid’s expression instantly brightened up.“Da-da!” the child yells, flailing his arms happily, asking for a hug. Grinning, Joji goes past you—ignoring your crossed arms and hawkish expression, judging the crap out of him—and sweeps the kid into his arms. “DA-DA!” the kid laughs happily as Joji tosses him a couple of times in the air.“Hey there, sport. What are you doing so late?” Joji asks as soon as he finishes playing and just holds him.“You!”“Uh…” he asks you for translation.“We were waiting for you,” you say and he shudders at your tone, sweat running down his forehead.“What’s the occasion, ha ha?”You suddenly smile encouragingly towards your baby, edging him to go on with what he had to say. You made sure to make him learn some words and sentences that he had to repeat to Joji—it wasn’t right of you to keep him awake this long, but this has been a must. And your kid was fairly smart—you had to admit—so he memorized quickly the few things he had to express. And you knew it was going to be genuine.“You have something to tell me?” Joji feels happy at the prospect, staring down into the eyes of the child. And he’s taken aback by the sadness swirling in them.“I miss you, daddy..” his lips jut out in a sad frown. “Do you ha-hate me?”Joji’s heart skips a beat, pain in his chest. “No, why would you think so—““You never around. Forgot about me.”“I didn’t—I—[name]—“ he seeks help but you’re offering none.“Listen to what he’s saying, George.”“I…sad.”“Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no!” he hugs his child close, completely moved by his words. “That’s not true! I didn’t forget about you! How could I? You’re my child!”“But you not home…”“I…I—“ he’s at a loss of words and the reality of the situation sinks in. ‘So this is what’s all about…’ he thinks sadly, letting out a deep breath of air. “I’m not…”“Finally noticed?” you say after a long pause.Joji looks at you with sorry in his eyes. He nods meekly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realized that you two were suffering so. I just got too into my work and…”“You forgot.”“That I did…” he sighs. “I’m really sorry.”“It’s not me you need to apologize.”The father looks down at your kid and smiles apologetically. “Right. I’m sorry for not being there for you, sport. I didn’t forget about you and I promise I’ll make it up to you.”“Mmm…” the kid rubs his eyes, only half-listening.“Do you believe in daddy?”He looks up at Joji, hope and devotion written all over his face. “I do!”“Ok,” he hugs him close, chuckling. “I won’t disappoint you again.”“Alright, that’s enough.” You step in promptly, taking the kid away from his arms. “Time to sleep.”“[name], I want to apologize ag—“ you don’t even listen to him as you push him out of the bedroom. He doesn’t protest; he had it coming.“Tonight, you sleep on the couch,” you’re ruthless in your decision, pointing to the living room. You give him a rather look filled with mixed emotions—it pained you to stir him away, but it was for a good reason. You were going to forgive him if he changes his attitude, and he sees this. But for now, with one last glance, you turn on your heels and close the door on him.He sighs, shoulders slumping in dismay. He fucked up—he didn’t realize what you two were feeling and he regretted it. He should learn how to balance both his work and his family, but…he’ll have to work a lot more to appease you—and he promises to himself that he won’t ever let you down again. He won’t get work in the way of his family because he never wants to see that expression on your kid again.Joji swore that to himself. He’ll make things right again.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Meet Roger!”“…as in Roger rabbit?” “Shut up.” With a dismissive grunt, you lift up the big fat animal off the ground and show it off to your lover, harbouring the brightest grin Joji’s ever seen on you. You looked so…proud. Joji could see why, but still he stares at it unimpressed. It doesn’t deter you from your initial excitement, though. You turn the bunny rabbit over to face you and you finish with the introductions “Roger, this is Joji, my boyfriend and I treasure him very much, he he.” The bunny seems not to share your bubbly happiness, but you expected his. You never thought he’ll understand you or talk to you. He was still a pet. Your precious pet rabbit, but still. He wasn’t going to tell you the secrets of the world any time soon.Joji sighs, unsure of how to react. “So?”“So…” your smile fades a bit, blinking at him confused. “So I just wanted to introduce you two…After all, you’re the most important things—“ Joji raises an eyebrow “—people—“ he still looks sceptical “—shut up, don’t judge me!” you blush.“I didn’t say anything.” He shrugs, almost feeling like yawning, but he doesn’t do it, knowing it will hurt your feelings.Pursing your lips cutely, you stomp towards him angrily and shove Roger into his face. “You can’t tell me you don’t find him even a little bit cute!”Joji regards the bunny rabbit with cold eyes—Roger returns the same gaze. “It’s just a rabbit…”“Just a—“ you gasp, offended. “Roger is not just a rabbit! He’s MY precious white rabbit that I adore and cherish—““More than me?” he smirks, teasing you.You froze mid-sentence, not knowing how to reply to that for a few seconds. You see how Joji’s smirk fades away and that’s when you react, blushing brightly “O-Of course not! I mean…uhh…” you hesitated, hugging your bunny tightly to your chest. “I love you both equally, I just can’t chose!”“Uh-huh.” He pretends to be hurt and you can’t help but panic.“Joji, no, come on! I know the difference between a human and an animal, I’m not going to chose Roger over you…” you averted your gaze, hesitatingly, and mutter to yourself “…I think so, anyway…”“What was that?” Joji asks and you instantly shake your head, repeating ‘Nothing! Nothing!’ Joji can’t help but laugh at your cute attitude and ruffle your hair. You pout even more, not liking when he was treating you like a child—even if you, in fact, loved it. “I get it, I get it. I believe you.”“Really?!” your eyes sparkle. “Thank you! I knew you’d be excited to meet him!”“I am not, though.”This time, you can’t help but glare at your lover “Stop pretending you don’t. You love animals.”“What makes you say that?” he nonchalantly shoves his hands in his jeans’ pockets.“You don’t hurt animals in your videos.”“Maybe I am.”“You’re not!” you roll your eyes, starting to feel the strain of holding a very big and fat rabbit in your arms for too long. You had no idea why Roger was so huge because you’ve only fed him what bunnies normally ate—but there he was. Lots of kilos of fluffiness and happiness. Goddamn, you fucking adored your pet rabbit. “Besides, you have that hamster of yours!”“You can’t compare rabbits with hamsters, [name].”“They’re still pets!”“Maybe I don’t like bunnies.”You gasped, shocked “Why not?!”Joji shrugged. “I don’t know. I just don’t. They don’t impress me.” Not taking it any longer, you put Roger down on the ground and he immediately hopped away. You let him go and focused your full attention on Joji, the non-believer. Crossing your arms, you wanted to confront him.“You don’t see why rabbits are cute, huh?” he nodded, feeling himself like smirking but not having the heart to mock you. “Well, then!” you smacked your palms together in a loud clap, then shoving your index finger into his chest. “I’m going to prove you how adorable they are! By the end of the month, you’ll love rabbits to death!”He smirked, already triumphant. “I’d like to see you try.”And try you did—boy, you can really say you did. But it was all in vain. Joji was certainly and totally not impressed by Roger and his fluffy cuteness. ‘Look Joji at the way he hops!’, ‘Joji, isn’t his nose juuuuuust extremely adorable?’, ‘Hey, Joji, pet him! Feel his fur!’ but nothing, absolutely nothing, could move the Asian man. He’d only respond with ‘Cool’ or ‘Yeah, ok, can you get that furball off my laptop?’ and not be moved at all. You didn’t let this dishearten you—your determined and bubbly-like personality wouldn’t let you admit defeat. You said a month, a month you will take to make him like bunnies! When you first came up with the idea to introduce him to your pet was based on ‘raising’ it together, as if you were the parents. You wanted to take care of Roger alongside with Joji since he was basically a part of your life. You didn’t think he’d be so insensitive to it all—it was rather disappointing. But you’ll never give up! He WILL like the fucking rabbit, even if he’s going to be forced!Still, it was rather sad to see him act like this. In some days, you almost gave up, but seeing how Roger ‘encouraged’ you to continue (as if the rabbit wanted to make Joji like him also) made your worries disappear and your passion to be rekindled. You were certainly going to try one more time before the month ended; even if you sort of ran out of ideas. You only left option was to catch him, tie him up to a chair and make him crumble under the pressure. Succumb to the lord and saviour which was Roger the Rabbit!You entered your house, thoughtful, actually considering the idea but not knowing exactly how to go on with it. Maybe you should ask some friends to help you… ‘Ah, no, that’s a bad idea! They all think I’m too obsessed with rabbits, they won’t approve any sort of activity like this..’ So that was kind of out… “Hmmmm,” you hummed to yourself as you kicked off your shoes and adopted a contemplative position, hand cupping your chin. “What should I do, what should I—““Awwwww, you’re so darn cute!” you stop on your tracks at the sound of the voice, eyes wide in surprise. ‘Who the hell is in my house?!’ you immediately panic and tiptoe carefully towards the room—your room—where the voice came from. You can’t make out the words because the person started talking a bit lower, but your mind starts to piece up the missing puzzle pieces. ‘There can be only one who can enter my house so freely.’ And that was, of course, Joji. ‘Then…who was he calling cute?’ You couldn’t comprehend that. ‘He can’t possibly be talking about…’“Aww, look at your little paws!” Joji coos—you could 100% confirm now that that was his voice—and you stop at your door, peeking inside carefully. And there he was, the self-proclaimed insensitive-to-bunnies man. Sitting on the ground, cross-legged, with Roger in his lap. “…” you were honestly at a loss of words. ‘Joji?! Just called Roger cute?’ You pinched your arm, trying to wake up from this dream. But it was no dream. It was real. George ‘Joji’ Miller, your boyfriend, was holding a rabbit. The bunny you kept on forcing him to like. And he did it now so easily…You shook your head. ‘The world is a strange place…’“Who’s a cute rabbit? Who’s THE cutest rabbit ever?” he picked up Roger carefully, as if handling a baby, and nuzzled the bunny’s nose with his own.“HAH!?” You almost cried out at the adorable sight (you felt as if you could get diabetes from just looking), but you just couldn’t believe it was actually happening. All this time you have been struggling in vain. Joji liked rabbits from the beginning—he has just been obstinate or just wanted to tease you. Either way, he totally tricked you.“Aaah, don’t lick me!” he chuckles as Roger affectionately showed his love through short tongue licks. “It tickles!” You clench your shirt over your chest, biting your lower lip in an attempt to stop yourself from fan girling wildly. You didn’t want to interrupt or attract his attention—at least not after taking a picture. He laughed some more while you tried to contain your smile and gushing, feeling how a pang of pleasure wanted to burst out of your chest. This was what you wanted and waited for!Joji puts the bunny back down on his legs and sighs. “Maybe I should tell [name]…” Your ears twitch attentive at that. “I pretended for too long. “ he turns his head to the side and you can see his slightly pink cheeks. Your eyes widen ever more in shock. “I just didn’t want [name] to think I was a pussy animal lover or something…” ‘I would’ve never think that!’ you protest in your mind, wanting to just kick some sense into your silly boyfriend’s head. “It’s too embarrassing. I’ll never hear the end of it.”“Is that what you’re worried about, stupid?” you mutter, clenching your fists determined. You suddenly turn and walk away from there, in search of something.“Hmm?” Joji looks at the door, but sees nothing. “Weird…I thought I heard something.” He shrugs and starts to pet Roger’s thick fur lovingly. “So that’s my story. I feel so stupid for hiding this, but I can’t help it. This is not something I often show to people…” he lets out a final distressed sigh and then shakes his head. “No. Time to man up and put you in your usual spot, Roger. I don’t want [name] to stumble—““CLIIIICK!” the shriek startles Joji (he was glad he contained his own scream) and almost throws the bunny into the wall. He stops himself in time and, frightened—he was caught, after all—turns his head to face you. “What are you doing, Joji?” you sing your words, wearing the biggest grin ever. Joji gulps, expecting the worst out of you. He was prepared for the teasing, but your smile seems genuinely pleased and nice. You don’t seem as if you’re here to make fun of him. You put your camera down, revealing your sparkling with elation eyes.“N-Nothing, I just…was just checking on Roger here—““Ntz, ntz, ntzz…” you click your tongue as if Joji was a naughty child and wave your index finger around. “Don’t pretend to be dumb. I’ve seen everything!”He gulps dryly “Everything?”“E-ve-ry-thing~”He hangs his head, letting the bunny go. “You got me.”“Gotcha!” and you simply start to laugh cutely. “I knew you actually liked bunnies! How could you not?” Gleefully, you skip towards him and do a little dance around him, that only shames him. “Joji likes rabbits, Joji like raaabits!”“I do…”After seeing him look so down, you stop your teasing and crouch behind him. You wrap your arms around his neck and hug him, resting your head on top of his. “Aww, don’t be sad about it! I promise I won’t make fun of you—“ you can’t stop a mean smirk from showing up on your face, though he couldn’t see it from the position you were in. “—much.”He snorts and rolls his eyes “Reassuring.”“But you’re so cute, Joj, I can’t help it, he he,” you start to rub your cheek onto his fluffy black hair, successful in ruffling it.“Hey, stop it!”“You’re such an adorable human being with your shy attitude and all~”“I’m not shy—““Shush, shush,” you give him one more squeeze then suddenly let him go. He wants to turn and face you, but you tell him to freeze. “Don’t turn until I tell you, I have a surprise for you!”“Oh…” he seems rather intrigued by that and listens to you, grinning. “Shall I close my eyes?”“There’s no need to,” you say as you’re rummaging through one of the drawers, in search of something. “Where is it, where—Ah! There it is!” You carefully place the things upon your head then turn around to Joji. “Alright! You can look!”“What is—“ he freezes, mouth open in surprise at the sight of you.“What do you think, hmm?” You giggle, striking a pose. You saved these white bunny ears for a long time and you were glad that you were finally able to use them. You knew they might come in handy someday. You loved bunnies and you wanted to make him like bunnies so he could like you more! Flawless plan! Except that it took you longer than you thought… But today was a good day to show them off. And his reaction—his expression—was priceless and worth the effort.“Aww,” his whole expression twist into a look of pure sweetness. “You’re adorable,” he leans backwards on his hands, admiring you with a rather hazy smile, as if he can’t get enough of you.“Yay!” you laugh, latching yourself onto him once again, and you both hug each other for a while, in silence (except for the sound of Roger munching on your slippers again).Then, something occurs to Joji. “Wait. You did all this because you wanted to show off your bunny ears?”“…Maybe.” You avert your gaze, blushing. He starts to laugh heartily and he doesn’t stop until your light punches start beating him on the chest. “You meanie!” you stuck your tongue out, crossing your arms and pretending to be upset.“Sorry, sorry!” he laughs and pinches your cheeks, placing a kiss on your forehead. “I couldn’t help it.”For a few seconds, you regard him with a serious look, then, all of a sudden, your lower lip starts to tremble. He’s immediately alerted, asking you what was wrong. You only sigh and lace your arms around his neck, standing on your knees, towering above him. Running your fingers through his long locks, you make him curious as to what you wanted to do or say.“Aww, come on,” you whine and pout, using your best puppy eyes you could muster—and knew that works best on him. “Don’t you want me to be your personal live bunny, Joj?”The change in atmosphere is quick, turning from the innocent and carefree one to something much more mature and sexy. The handsome man licks his lips hungrily at the sound of your pleading tone, like a wolf—this was a funny analogy: you being the innocent bunny and him being the big bad wolf. You giggled at that thought since you certainly didn’t mind his hungry look.“I’ll eat you all up, little bunny,” he growls lowly, grabbing your face and squishing his lips onto yours.
Poor Roger…The things he has to witness…
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
I wanted you to know
That I am ready to go, heartbeat
My heartbeat.
He crushes the cigarette butt in the ashtray, a bit more violently than he wanted to. Running a hand through his long black locks, he clicks his tongue in annoyance for letting his feelings run amok like this. Wasn’t he the master of control? He was. At least he tried to convince himself that he still was. Seemed like this talent of his was slipping away from his grasp lately. Stray emotions were mixed together, tossing and turning and not giving him the rest he thought he deserved. He hated this anxiety building inside of him whenever he waited for you to come around. And he disliked the way his heartbeat started to rise, pounding in his eardrums loudly; a constant reminder of what he felt for you every single passing moment.
I wanted you to know
Whenever you are around, can’t speak
His black eyes finally spot you, sitting at the table, and his heart skips a beat.
I can’t speak.
He can’t form words and his mind stops working, his gaze roaming all over your body, analysing your outfit for the night. And he arrives at the conclusion that you look absolutely ravishing, as always. He could see no imperfection, other than your rotten personality that corrupted him. Did you even realize how you tightly you had Joji wrapped around your finger? How easily he can be subdued by your calling and how he’s so ready to please you—after all that went between the two of you? Did you know how much he wanted you right now, as you were sitting there on the couch, cross-legged, in this run-down bar you two seemed to frequent? No—you probably couldn’t grasp that notion. Or he could be entirely wrong; maybe this has been your plan all along. He doesn’t feel like he knows you any more, after how much you changed…And it frustrates him. Here he was, his head filled with unanswered questions, over someone as insignificant as you.
‘What the fuck am I doing here exactly?’
You were with your new boyfriend again.
I know what your boy like
Skinny tie and a cuff type
He go and make breakfast
You walk around naked.
Just like that, as if someone snapped their fingers on command, memories start flooding inside Joji’s mind—his daily torture. And he can’t help but imagine you naked—again. Like he always does. Those sweet little curves of your, the sound of your bare feet across the cold floor tiles, the way you swayed your hips from side to side so deliciously, as if to entice him. It worked. He could never get tired of touching your porcelain skin whenever he could, to kiss every imperfection he could find, of the goosebumps he created as the tips of his fingers roamed over your body. His favourite thing was stripping you down—liked to see you naked more often than clothed. And you didn’t seem to mind, always giving him a chuckle to show how much this amused you. And exposing yourself to him even more, so lewdly.
As if you were playing with him from the beginning.
But those times were over. Broke up a month ago after a huge fight, yet it felt like yesterday. No—it was more than that. It was as if you hadn’t broke up at all, as if you were still together, despite the fact that each had a separate life. Joji was trying to hang above the surface while you moved on, being in a happy relationship with your new lover.
But if you really did move on, then why were you so eager to come back to his side? Why did you seek him out when you were obviously not allowed to? Were you really happy with pretty boy over there?
He was such a fool for falling in your trap.
I might just text you
Turn your phone over, when it’s all over
Not settling down, my text go to your screen
You know better than that
This was probably the first time HE tried to contact you. He was growing desperate and it wasn’t like you to say ‘no’ to such a request. He thought a long time about it, tossed and turned, stalled the moment, phone in his hand, thumbs twitching to write a message. Call you over. ‘Meet me at the same place.’ Why was it so hard? You’ve done it so many times, why was he getting the cold feet now? It wasn’t like him. When he finally gathered his courage, it was too late to back down—the message was already sent, and he got the response he was seeking almost immediately.
You were waiting for him to crumble under your poisonous influence. And it worked.
‘Oh? I didn’t expect you to ask that of me…’
‘I come around when you least expect me.’
‘I’m sitting at the bar when your glass is empty.’
‘You thinking that this song’s coming on to temp me?’
The exchanged messages turned into something more and the rendez-vous was set. Here you were, under the pretence that you came here for your current lover. The slight and sneaky glances you kept on giving Joji informed him of the real reason. The small and lustful smiles were only reserved to him—the cold gazes belonged to your lover.
If you didn’t love him, then why aren’t you breaking up with him?
Did he actually believe you’d come back to him, though? Why did he think he was better than the one you were currently with? You left for a reason, no? Joji knew all of this—he wasn’t better. Far from that. He was just as rotten. He just kept on hoping that maybe things will be normal again if you two got together again.
You start calling, you start crying
When you first called him, a few days before breaking up, he was miserable enought to not think straight and answer the phone. And when he heard you crying so pathetically asking for him, saying that you missed him—needed him—more than anything, he immediately reacted.
I come over, I’m inside you
He didn’t even stop to ask you how you actually felt. Waiting for him so skimpily dressed was a clear sign of your true intentions and why you contacted him in the first place. You felt empty and he was the only one available to complete you—at least for a brief moment. The truth was obvious, painstakingly so, and he should’ve pushed you away in that one life-changing point. Things would’ve been much better for both you and him if he just walked away. If he had the will and balls to do so; but he didn’t. Not when you so desperately clung onto him, bawling, pressing yourself over his most sensitive regions. How innocently you looked up at him, munching on your lower lip..Something triggered in him. A sensation he never felt before and that was dying to take over. He grabbed your arms, digging his nails into your skin, leaving marks. He couldn’t believe this change in character, how needy you were in reality and how you managed to manipulate his feelings into doing your bidding. He knew you were only trying to keep him by your side in case you ever needed him. And Joji played along—wanted you more than anything in this world, so he let himself be tricked.
I can’t find you, the girl that I once had
But the sex that we have isn’t half bad.
No. It was much more better than that. It was different—there was a huge gap between making love when you were together and the fucking you had now. The sex was based on instinct, rough and without the annoying feeling of love twisted in the mix. No—it was just pure fucking. And it suited your relationship better than before. He loved it more than ever—the way he was making you cry his name out loud, until your throat got raspy and you struggled to scream. How he pulled your hair as he pounded into you with need and anger, the way your nails left scars across his back, how he loved to tease you and deny your release. How simply he could fuck you wherever he wanted because you wouldn’t complain—in fact, you encouraged it. How you complained that he fucked you too good, that you were still sore. And how he’d fuck you again just to make you shut up.And how neither of you stayed until the morning—the intruder always left. A perverted relationship Joji didn’t believe possible between the two of you—not after breaking his heart so viciously.
The text say that “It’s not fair”
That’s code for “He’s not here…”
It went on and on, neither showing a sign of wanting to stop. So what if you lived with your boyfriend? Joji carefully studied his schedule, knew exactly when he was gone and when he was welcomed into your home. The lover knew nothing of what was happening behind his back—just your dirty little secret. And Joji was so into it that he knew he wouldn’t even be able to escape from your touch again. It was too good…
And I’m-a flirt with this new girl
And I’m-a call if it don’t work
Became a routine. He tried to forget you, but with other girls—it never worked out the way he wanted. They didn’t feel authentic. They weren’t you. So, whenever he fucked up and got his heart broke again, became the miserable sod that he was—Joji called you.‘Of course, honey…’ you would chuckle suavely. ‘I’m always here for you.’And it was the best thing that ever happened to him.
So we fuck till we come to conclusions
All the things that we thought we were losing
So why didn’t it work out in the first place if it works so well like this?
I’m a ghost and you know this
That’s why we broke up in the first place.
It’s late night Thursday
I know that you heard me.
But you don’t want the same thing.
‘He’s home, Joji. You can’t come.’ From time to time, you’d lie to him. He knew you were lying because he knew you very well. He wasn’t home. You were alone, but you played it cool. Pretended he was there. ‘People might start growing suspicious if the same man keeps coming to visit me. We have to take some breaks sometimes, no?’‘Fucking bitch..’ he’d grit his teeth and throw a rage, to which you’d remain stone cold. What was the use in being angry? Wasn’t that the point of your lie? To make Joji mad so when he finally gets his hand on you, to just let it all out? A delicious treat you’ll certainly enjoy. And he knew, dammit, he knew your game very well. Was still frustrated by the cold shoulder you gave him. At a point, he had had enough.
Well two can play that game.
Joji knew that deep down somewhere in your heart, you still loved and cared about him. He didn’t want to believe he was the only one still giving a shit. So he tried to make you jealous. Didn’t answer your desperate calls and found himself a girlfriend—someone that was a better actress at pretending he cared about him more than the others. Tried to forget you—you were already like a tumour on his back, and he was trying to get rid of you. Got sick of your shit; he didn’t need you any more.
So I’m chilling with my girlfriend.
But she’s not my real girlfriend
She got a key to my place but
She’s not my real girlfriend
He soon realized that. It didn’t felt the same. The dates, the kisses, the touches, the sex. No—there was no one who could compare to you. He came to that conclusion with sadness because, throughout it all, he still didn’t want to come back to you. But you insisted. Plagued his mind once more and…
‘Stupid. So dummy!’
Say the wrong thing and wrong girls come running
I’m paranoid that these girls want something from me.
…Joji came back.
Right? Wrong?
I miss the sex when you kiss whenever you through
Sixty-nine is the only dinner for two
I was wrong, but would you have listened to you?
Uh, you were crazy
I got a heart, but the artichoke
Is the only thing girls want when you in that smoke
And light
He sighs heavily over the sound of the music blaring from the speakers, and manages to look in another direction, away from you. At his sad drink in front of him, on the counter, ready to be drank. He makes a grimace, feeling sick, his head spinning around from drinking too much. He doesn’t want to do this any more, but this is the only way he can drown you out. He can taste the bitter alcohol on his tongue, but there was still a lingering trace of your lipstick and the feel of your tongue inside his mouth. His palms remembered the shape of your body perfectly, and his fingertips were itching to touch you again. The scratches and bruises and hickeys littered all over him pulsed and ached with fire, as if they didn’t want to be forgotten. You were everywhere around the space he was breathing and every single fibre of his being wanted you. He couldn’t deny that.And you were so close to him but…
So we’re done? This the real shit?
We used to hold hands like field trips…
Much to his surprise, throughout all that noise, he picks up the specific tone of your irritated voice, and he quickly moves his gaze in your direction. He immediately clasps his hand on the leftover bottle, eyes widening in anger because he certainly doesn’t like what he sees. Your douchebag of a boyfriend touching you in inappropriate places in front of all the people—your friends. And it was clearly not to your liking from the look on your face, like you wanted to kill him with your own hands. In vain you tried to push him away. He wouldn’t listen.
I’m a jerk, but your dude is a real dick
I read his post on your wall and I feel sick
He ain’t cool, he ball and all that
But he just a fake nigga who blog in all caps
You couldn’t wait to date.
‘Are you finally realizing the mistakes you made?’ Joji can’t help but think as he watches you. You were clearly not happy and yet you still wouldn’t dump the douche. Joji could’ve made you happy. Probably. He was unsure of his capacity to please you after all the things that changed between the two of you—the biggest question being: did he really want that? Searching deep inside him, he didn’t. He was content with this, despite caring too much. Despite cursing you every day, despite being clear that you were using him for sport.Why did he even bother? Because he just couldn’t let you go no matter what. You’ve become an important and indispensable part of his life—like the air he breathed in order to stay alive. For making him feel all of this and for making him feel like living. For the sex. And especially, simply just for you.
I’m going straight for your thighs like the cake you ate
I give a fuck about the niggas that you say you ate
You know that I’m the best when I’m a –fake-tionate
I’m the best that you had, face it.
He is almost compelled to stand up and rush to your aid, not afraid to crack that bottle straight onto your boyfriend’s head. He makes a move which you observe, somehow. He halts at your mute command and waits, like a predator. Watches how you firmly take his hand and push it away. How you stand up, tell him to fuck off and grabbing your stuff. Joji watches your silhouette with pride at your courage—and feels privileged of being the only one you didn’t mind being touched by in public. You never pushed him away—in fact, you gave into his caressing, lusting for more. It was a paradox he couldn’t quite understand. It was still a mystery why you acted the way you did, why you hopefully clung onto his memory and kept pushing on. Why you wanted him so badly when you had the whole future ahead, when you could do so much more without him.You were coming towards him so confidently, eyes poised only onto him. He jumps in surprise at your boldness—what about your shouting boyfriend in the back? Did you just broke up with him, as easy as that? He couldn’t believe it. What was going to happen now?He was trembling in anticipation, body stiff, as you sauntered over through the crowd, body undulating in those tight black leather pants you wore—his preferred ones. You looked absolutely gorgeous and waves of random emotions battled inside his soul. Anger, most all. Did you plan all this? You needed a reason to break up with him and he was the scapegoat? No—he wasn’t going to take that crap from you.You don’t waste time and, pressing yourself close to him, you whisper ‘Nice to see you, George…’ , so seductively, giving shivers down his spine. Your hand rubs his shoulder, tentatively, as you wiggle your ass to sit down on the chair next to him. He misses the chance to grab you by the waist and hold you close but the rational part of his mind stops him. He can’t comprehend what was happening, why were you here so—“Aren’t you going to say ‘hi’?”He hates seeing you pout. But he feels much more angered by your attitude. “What the fuck was that?”You don’t even glance at your ‘ex’, as you twirl a lock of your hair on your finger, watching his every reaction, trying to dissect him like the mad scientist that you were. “He had it coming. Don’t worry your pretty head about it.”And Joji was fuming.
Ayo, fuck this
Are we dating? Are we fucking?
Are we best friends? Are we something? In between that?
Why were you keen on playing with his heart so? Why do you look so damn hot? Why did he still wanted to be with you despite the fact that you probably didn’t think of him that way. He feels like bursting.
“I wish we never fucked, and I meant that.”
You cock your head to the side, blinking cutely. Obviously you didn’t hear what he said and in a way, he was glad. He didn’t actually mean it.“You said something?” you ask, leaning towards him, hand on his thigh. It burned, sending tingling sensations all over his crotch, enticing him.“Nothing.”Your lips curl into a smile, sexily “What’s it going to be today, Joj?”He can’t help but smirk in return. Why has he been acting so butthurt? He loved this. He liked the torment your presence gave him and he wasn’t one to stay and complain for a long period of time. Joji loved this situation more than when you were actually together. What if you get caught? If you get to suffer in the process, that would be perfect. Maybe you’ll even turn back to him. Because you enjoyed the thrill as much as he did. He could see it in your luscious gaze, in the way you licked your lips so hungrily.
God, his mind was spinning out of control.
Joji realized that maybe he enjoyed this predicament more than he let on. He shuddered in excitement and grabbed you by the back of your head. He chuckled darkly, promising you a lot with that predatory gaze.
But not really, you say the nastiest shit in bed and it’s fucking awesome.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Maybe you shouldn’t have agreed to this. Maybe you should’ve just went home after Joji telling you that he planned on filming today. ‘I don’t want to bother you, George…’ you reasoned, knowing that you’ll only end up talking out of turn and interrupt him—you didn’t want to irritate him. Although you know very well he often distracts himself, especially when the other guys were around. At least that’s what you heard; you never stuck around to witness it with your own two eyes. That’s why you were kinda surprised to hear him ask you stay when he was making a video. He didn’t ask you for help—no, just so that you can stay with him more. You were rather suspicious, thinking that he may be planning something, but he hasn’t made any move until now, so you believed he was truthful to his word. He was actually doing his job and you were careful not to make any sound as you were reading your book, perched up carefully on top of a beanbag.
Joke’s on you. He was being the distraction instead.
You didn’t believe that it was going to be so damn attractive to hear him speak in Frank’s voice in real life. It was definitely arousing when you heard it in the videos (which made you start liking him in the first place). And you don’t even remember how long you had had a crush on Filthy Frank before actually meeting and hooking up with Joji, the man behind it all. Still, the things you did whenever you felt lonely, at night, in private, had, most of the times,Frank in the centre of it all rather than Joji. Not because you didn’t love Joji—because one of your deepest and most earnest desire and fantasy was fucking Frank. Just once you wanted Joji to slip into his persona and just…role-play it. But, no matter how you thought about it, it was rather embarrassing to ask that of him. He’ll surely laugh at you for thinking so ridiculously!And here you were, sizzling at a low fire, your fingers desperate to touch yourself but knowing that you couldn’t without giving yourself away. Or make him aware of your ‘sick’ fantasy. So you could only sit there—uncomfortably so—shifting from time to time restlessly, changing positions. But it could not satisfy your ache as you kept on listening to him talking, sometimes stumbling upon words and giggling at his own mistakes. It was too much for you and you felt as if you couldn’t take it anymore. You had to do something about it.“Are you ok, [name]?” Joji’s normal voice reaches you and you jump, surprised. You look at him as he pushes up his Fake Frank goggles up in order to watch you—and he was looking pretty worried. “You’re kinda sweating there.”Your cheeks are burning up, embarrassed from being caught. “I—I was just…” you feel the rough texture of the book and it gives you the perfect excuse. “I was just reading a very steamy scene!” you lift up the book and Joji could clearly see the cover.He lifts up an eyebrow in amusement, a small chuckle erupting from his throat. “In Harry Potter?”‘Shit.’ You now realized what you were actually reading about and if you could get any redder, you probably would. Then you got all defensive after seeing Joji’s stupid smirk “H-Have you ever read Harry Potter?!” He shakes his head. “Well then!” you cross your arms childishly. “How do you know that Harry didn’t get any action when he was 16?!”“It’s a book for kids, I don’t think the author was allowed—““HMPH, you ignorant!” you suddenly stand up, determined to do something. You ignore Joji as you wander around his apartment, searching—and Joji asks what you were doing. “Getting myself a blanket!” you respond, red in the face.“Why for? It’s such a hot day today, you’ll die…” the boy can’t comprehend your course of action and you don’t have the luxury to explain. You just grab a blanket, obstinately, and stuck your tongue out at him.“Just continue your work, I’ll be listening.” And he has no idea how true your words were. You were totally going to listen to every single word he had to say, carefully. Not because you were searching for their meaning. But just because you wanted to let your imagination wander. It was the only thing you could do. ‘I can’t believe you’re doing this, [name]…’ you sigh heavily, sitting back down on the beanbag and carefully covering yourself so as to not look anything suspicious underneath. You lifted your knees, put your book strategically in your view (so to seem that you were reading) and took a deep breath. Prepared yourself for what you were about to do, heart hammering in your chest, palms sweaty and eager for the job. You gulped as Joji started talking, his deep and raspy baritone voice of Filthy Frank driving you crazy once again. Keeping your eyes on him—you were sure that he wasn’t looking at you, despite the fact that you couldn’t see his eyes—you slid your dominant hand underneath the blanket. ‘Dangit, he was right, it’s so hot in here,’ but it doesn’t let you stop. You continue until you reach the hem of the short pants you wore and, after encouraging yourself to go on, knowing this was the only thing that could relieve you of all the tension inside your body. You couldn’t resist it; Frank’s charm was getting to you and it was driving you crazy. He was so close yet so far away…‘Dammit all, I’m going to do it!’ you slid your hand into your panties and grimace at the feeling of your core being so wet already. ‘No use in thinking about this now.’ Gently, you start to rub yourself, slow at first then gradually increasing the pace with each second when you grew more and more impatient. You listened intensely to Frank’s voice inflections, going up and down and not ever breaking character. Why was he so concentrated all of a sudden?The fact that he was talking about how to say ‘pussy’ in Japanese only increased the pleasure. The way he was saying, so passionately, how he wanted to eat pussy—sounded delicious. You just wanted Frank’s luscious lips against your aching clit, to rub that naughty tongue all over it and eat you out properly, the only way he knew how. To make you scream his name out loud, to just…“Oh, fuck…” you mutter, getting way into it—and it felt good. Joji wasn’t aware of your rapid and erratic pants, of the small moans stuck on your lips and of your hazy gaze. He kept on talking and that was for the best. If he just did that without stopping, it might make you feel secure enough to close your eyes. With one more whimper, you feel that you can’t go on like this and boldly close your eyes so you could imagine everything better. Your mind quickly drifts away and you shut out all the other sounds, except for his sweet voice and your needy moans. It’s just you and Frank, him towering above you and fucking you senseless in that dirty blue shirt of his, dirty talking to you and telling you the craziest things that only enticed you further. You felt yourself getting closer to your end and you press on. “Fuck, Frank…” you breathe out louder than you expected, but you don’t pay attention to it.
What could go wrong?
“[name]?” Joji’s too normal voice snaps you awake and you instantly freeze, eyes popping open in fear. ‘Fuck’ you can’t help but think after making very awkward eye contact with Joji, now goggles-free. “What are you doing…?” You can’t read his expression and it scares you. What was he feeling? Was he excited? Felt nothing? …Disgust? You didn’t want to think about it. You hid your face beneath the blanket, wanting for a black hole to swallow you and save you from this awkward situation. “[name],” he says sternly, taking a step in your direction.“G-Go away, nothing happened! I was doing nothing, my hands are cl—““That was not nothing.” You dare to peek at him and you gasp lightly when you see him standing above you, looking down at your tiny form with superiority, as if you were trash. It only seems to turn you on because that was not a Joji look—that was totally Frank! A tiny hope inside of you blooms—maybe you’re going to finally get what you wanted. “You were calling out for Frank.”Even if it was sort of embarrassing hearing it out loud from his mouth.“I-I-I was not!”“You were, don’t lie to me,” the slight darkening of his expression made you shudder. You gulped, fearing the worst and expecting the best outcome possible. “Were you touching yourself while thinking of Filthy Frank?”“N—“As a response to your lie, he pulls the blanket off of you and reveals yourself looking perfectly normal, as if you just didn’t masturbated to him a few seconds ago. You hold your hands up in the air as if to prove your innocence. But he knows better and he grabs the wrist of your ‘infected’ hand, sniffing your fingers and giving them a lick that only adds to the arousal you felt. “You were.” You sigh, knowing there was no way out of this anymore. He discovered you. He doesn’t let go of your hand as he continues talking to you. “And what were you imagining? Frank fucking you?” You nod. “Lucky bastard…” he curses underneath his breath. You only stare at him with saucer-like eyes. “Since when did you have fantasies with him?”There was no way to avoid the question, so you say “Since I’ve first seen him…”Joji’s face is inexpressive as he leans over to you a bit, somehow breathing heavily. It made you wonder if he was as aroused to this sudden discovery as much as you were…“Such a long time? Oh…” his Frank voice slips out and you squeak out. His pupils dilate in pleasure at your reaction. “Naughty girl. So you were masturbating because…” he sighs. “You were thinking about—“ he suddenly changes his voice “—me?”You shudder “Ah, Joji, no—““Joji’s not here, sweetie.” A very Frank-like smirk creeps onto Joji’s lips, his whole attitude changing into that cocky one Frank had. “It’s only me. Frank. And we’re going to have some fun, doll. Gonna finish you up real good.” You shudder as he lets you go and just watch him kneel in front of you, palms onto your knees, teasingly. “So, what do you want Papa Franku to treat you with?”You lick your lips, flushing. You knew exactly what you wanted right now. “Well, you were always saying that you want to eat some pussy, didn’t you, Frank?” It was odd to address Joji so, but the way he portrayed the character completely pulled you into his world—right now, you really believed you were talking to Frank and not Joji.Frank smirks, wetting his lips that characteristic way he does—and successfully giving you a peek at the appendage which will pleasure you. And you know that the man had some skills. He parts your legs, spreading them apart and holding them there. “Why don’t you strip, doll?” You rapidly comply, almost ripping your panties off—that desperate you were to let him finally taste you. You feel his hand rub your thighs, gradually going downwards until he reached your lower lips. He parted them with his fingers, not touching you yet, but leans over to you, blowing lightly against your core.“Oh~” you moan, already excited from your earlier intercourse. You watch him through half-lidded eyes as he examines your pussy as if it was a precious piece of art. Your face heats up at that—you’ve never felt more exposed as you were now. Because your ‘fictional crush’ was about to give the orgasm of your life. You hoped so, anyway.You shivered and bucked your hips a bit, hoping that it will reach his face. He chuckles darkly and smirks, telling you ‘Impatient, I see?’ then chuckling more when he hears you mewl eagerly. “Alright, I’ll give you what you want,” and just like that, he dips down and the moment he presses his lips to your nub feels exquisite. You’ve never felt like this before, probably due to the impatience you felt until now. It was as if all of your senses are released at once, after such a long wait, when his tongue starts rolling around your clit. You buck your hips into his mouth and he pushes you down firmly, his eyes warning you to stay put. You can barely listen as he moves skilfully, fast and effective—you feel as if you could come undone only from this small motion. That’s how excited you felt. But you hold it in, letting him continue.He hits a good spot and you arch your back, whimpering. Your hands immediately dart into his hair, entangling in it, and pulling it roughly. He growls and gently nips at your clit. A painful shiver runs down your spine and you close your eyes, tossing your head backwards.“Ohh, Frank…” and many more naughty slurs pour out of your mouth, pleasing to his ears and possibly turning him on.“OH yeah, moan my name, you dirty slut” he groans, licking you up and down in a long stride, then resumes his tongue swirling. He slaps your ass cheeks, making you jump and gasp in surprise, but he doesn’t wait for your input. Sneakily, he adds fingers in the mix, two of them already fitting inside of you—that’s how wet and undone you were.“Shit,” you cry, feeling like a cat in heat. “Faster, Frank, faster” you urge his fingers on and he pumps out desperately, recklessly. “Ah, oh, I’m gonna—“ biting your lower lip, you stop your sentence.“What?” Frank asks, his stubble rubbing against you as he lifts his head for a few seconds and causing one more wave of pleasure before you feel ready.“I’m gonna co—!” your sentence is cut short because of your scream, and you tightly pull on his hair, almost ripping his hair out. You come onto his face and he stays there, lapping at your sweet juices until he’s satisfied with it. Breathing heavily, you lift your head and realize what has just happen. Frank stands up, his tongue darting over his lips then giving you the dirtiest look you’ve ever seen him do. At that, you already feel ready for the next round, as he cleans his fingers of your taste.“Satisfied?” he waits for your feedback.You nod, cheeks still red and sweaty from the effort, but wholly satisfied. “Thank you, Frank…”“Any time,” he winks, suddenly turning shy. “Uhh…I’m glad I could be of some help. Your pussy tastes great you know. I—I wouldn’t mind eating it again.”You laugh your embarrassment away, then answer “Feel free to do so. You’ll always be my senpai.”Frank grins stupidly and salutes you awkwardly. “Well, see you—see you around.” Your lover takes off his hat and unbuttons his shirt with a sigh, then finally focuses on you with the most normal Joji gaze ever. He smiles cutely, then takes your hand in his. “Come, let’s get you cleaned.” You accept his hand and he pulls you up, placing a chaste kiss on your forehead.“Ew, you’re dirty!”“Shut up, miss ‘I want Filthy Frank to eat my pussy out so desperately’,” Joji mocks you as you were both going towards the bathroom. You slap his arm, pouting. “Still, I didn’t know you were into role-play.”“If you tell anyone, I’ll kill you.” You glare at him dangerously and he chuckles before stopping you in your steps.He looms dangerously above you, like a falcon and its prey. “Don’t worry. No one will find out,” he whispers. “It’ll be our little secret. And Frank’s very eager to have a go with you again, I bet.” His smirk makes you blush like a ripe tomato. But, secretly, you don’t mind it one bit if it meant you’ll ‘see’ Frank again.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Ever since that day, you stopped spending time around Joji whenever he was filming for his channel. Too much of a distraction for you; you wanted and at the same time, didn’t want, to end up in the same position as last time. The shame of your kink being uncovered by your lover, Joji, has been bothering you ever since then. You never wanted him to find out and yet he did—and he hasn’t stopped teasing you with it.Miss ‘I want Filthy Frank to fuck me’, he kept on calling you. It has become your nickname and it was annoying the heck out of you. You hated being so vulnerable in front of him because no matter what, Joji melted you on the spot. You couldn’t deny that Frank turned you on so damn hard—it was all you were thinking about. The way he ate you out, his tongue lapping around your folds, giving you intense pleasure—it was enough to make you wet.
And yet you didn’t want to succumb to that temptation. You were with Joji, not with Frank; it sort of felt like cheating, as if you wanted someone else instead of Joji. Joji was all you needed, that was true, but him acting as Frank…It certainly got you going.
But you couldn’t just betray Joji and demand Frank to come out. So you avoided being in Frank’s presence entirely. You had no idea how you would react, so you wanted to keep your hormones in check. You didn’t told Joji, but he probably figured that out. He said nothing about it, though. Just went on working, while you kept on thinking about Frank.Until that day…
He came again.
You were tired as hell one night, after work and other stuff you had to do that day. Everything went to shit, so you were more than glad to take a quick hot shower and go straight to sleep, without waiting for Joji. He’d understand—just like you did when he came home late. So that’s what you did—you cuddled under the blankets and closed your eyes, feeling sleep crawling to you and…You hear the door opening through the haze of sleep and you know Joji was home. Hmm…wasn’t he early? Usually, he’d be late…But your mind can’t comprehend that, too tired. You hear the rustle of clothes as he’s probably changing—so he’d probably just come in bed with you without complaining. You’d feel his arms around you, so comforting; then you’ll sleep much better. You hear the bed creaking under his weight and you’re sure he’s hovering above you. You feel his breath into your ear and this thing piques your curiosity—was he going to whisper ‘I love you’, the words you so desired? It felt weird, but at the same time, you were excited.What was Joji planning?
You immediately realize….
“Hello there, naughty girl…”Your eyes immediately pop open, your body temperature rising at the sound of his voice, Frank’s voice. Your legs felt like jelly and your fingers were growing eager to touch. But you were frozen, you couldn’t make a move. You didn’t want to give yourself away—pretend you’re sleeping and—“I know you’re not sleeping…” Frank’s low tone rumbles in your ear, making you shiver with desire. You feel his hand caressing your sides, going up and down your body, your legs, your stomach and your back, sending tingling sensations all over your skin. Your hair stand on edge as you imagined Frank doing more to you than just giving your oral, like last time. You imagined actually having sex with you; but not, this was wrong, this isn’t what you wanted!
‘Go away, beautiful dream…’
But Frank wasn’t going to disappear so you just have o make him go away—“You’re still ignoring me, huh?” Frank chuckles, starting to kiss your neck, roughly, scavenging for your sweet spots (that Joji knew so well…). “You’ve been ignoring me the whole week. You didn’t even come to see me and I’ve honestly been missing you.” Frank sounded so confident; unlike the way he usually was. If his kisses weren’t enough incentive, then this change in attitude surely did convince you that this wasn’t as wrong as you would’ve thought, that it was ok to let your fantasies out. I mean, Joji came to you with his Frank persona, so maybe he wasn’t going to be upset if you played along. He didn’t mind last time, why would he know? He probably wanted to make your sex life spicier—who were you to say no?Besides, you had a shitty day—you deserved this, at least.So you finally moved, having a bit more courage than before. You turn around, facing Frank, whose face instantly slip into a shit-eating grin, obviously loving the way you reacted and your walls crumbled all around you at his wishes. Instead of being slightly offended by how easily you fell into his trap, you enjoyed it. So what if he felt smug about your submission? You may have a bit of control over Joji, but Frank was new, he was a totally different person. You wanted to explore this uncharted territory, to see what made Frank tick…“It’s nice to see your face, baby girl,” he whispers, hovering above you teasingly, those plump lips of his wanting to kiss you but at the same time, he was waiting for you to make a move. You could only stare into his eyes—God, Joji looked so good in glasses. And that shirt smelled so Frank-like; you couldn’t describe it at all, but it was arousing. You wanted him all, the heat between your legs not lying regarding your desire. It most likely showed on your face because Frank’s smile stretched, though growing sort of embarrassed too? What was up with that?It occurred to you, somewhere deep inside your mind, in the drawer with facts, that maybe Joji was just being in character. As in, Frank has little experience regarding sex. Even if he was touching you like a pro, there was still a slight shame.‘Oh God…’ The mere thought of that, true or not, turned you on more than ever. You didn’t hesitate anymore and you tangled your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. You didn’t necessarily wanted to kiss him—that could come later—you just wanted to whisper to him, very clearly, ‘Fuck me already, Frank…’“Filthily?” he says back, his eyes lighting up like a kid’s on Christmas. You’ve never heard him say that, but OH it was all that you needed hear, damn. You tossed your head back, animalistic, latching your legs around Frank’s torso, tugging at his hips. “I won’t know if you don’t tell me, baby girl.”“YES, FRANK, JUST FUCK ME!”His hands immediately fumble with your underwear (you thanked your guardian angels that you decided not to wear much tonight) and you help him by lifting your legs. But you don’t let him take them down all the way; you just grab a hold of him to rush him and he gets the message.“Impatient, aren’t we?” he chuckles, but he doesn’t make you wait, knowing that today it’s only going to ruin the fun. So, as he’s kissing you, he takes off his own underwear quickly (because, let’s face it; he’s not wearing any pants, as usual) and, while being distracted by his feverish lips, you barely feel him entering you. Only when he starts hammering wildly into you do you start to realize what was going on.“Oh, fuck!” you moan immediately, Frank hitting all your sensitive spots so well. You don’t want to kiss him anymore; you just want to look at Frank’s face because in the dim light, he looked so damn sexy with those glasses. And the way he was grunting, lower than you’ve ever heard Joji. It sent shivers up your spine and the pleasure seemed to intensify. “Fuck, Frank-ah-ah, yes! YES!!” your screams got louder and louder, only enticing Frank to go faster. He was struggling a bit, trying to keep up, and he was sweating terribly. But he kept on grinning, kept on whispering dirty shit in your ear…“Yeah, you like that, don’t you, you little slut?” Joji never called you that, but he was someone else now and he was completely immersed into the role. And you didn’t mind either; it was a nice change of pace. With your screams of ‘More, more, faster, ah!!’, you told Joji what exactly you were thinking. And he went on. “You like it when I’m inside of you, huh? You’ve been wanting the Filthy Frank dick for a long time, didn’t you? But you said nothing…” he clicked his tongue in a patronizing manner, but there was amusement in that dark tone of his. “So I came to you because you’re one sexy beast, fuck…”“Ah-Ah, F-Frank…” you looked at him through glazed-over eyes, lost in the good fuck he was giving you.“Dirty…Ugh…” he groaned, losing himself a bit from the way you were feeling around his cock. It was hard to keep up appearances when he was so lost in the love-making. “I—“ he was close and you both knew it.“Come for me, Frank!” you commanded and pulled onto his hair, making him growl. But you’re the one that came first with a deep thrust that made you lose your breath for a second. “AAAAH, DAMN, YES, FRANK!”“[name]…” he said your name in a more tempered tone, but pleasured nonetheless. In fact, to you, it sounded more like Joji than Frank; but you were lost in your fantasy so it really give a shit. It didn’t matter anymore—Frank collapsed next to you and immediately proceeded to cuddle you, which you gladly returned. You curled into a ball next to his chest and he grabbed you tightly. You expected for the role-playing to end, but when you next heard Joji’s voice, he was still Frank.“Did you like that?” he asked softer, but still raspy. “You did, didn’t you?” he tried to sound cocky, but he wasn’t anymore. He was tired.“Mmmmhhhm…Thank you, Papa Franku,” you played along, sleep washing once again over you.“Uhh, you’re—you’re welcome. Would you want me to hang out with you, some—sometimes?”You giggled as an answer and purred out “Yeah. This time I won’t ignore you.”Because that was hella good.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
‘Where am I? I…I can’t see. Everything’s dark…I can’t feel. My whole body’s numb—I can’t move. My mind is blank—’
No. You’re awake, [name]. I know you are. Even if your whole essence feels like it’s twisted around a fork like spaghetti. Ready to get eaten and swallowed by the alcohol in your system that you overdosed on. You felt as if you were swimming into an ocean of whiskey mixed with beer and a whole load of other stuff that was probably toxic for your body. You didn’t care anymore that you were drowning in this—you learned to survive, to float barely above the surface and surpass this ordeal. Your mind was numb and that was the perfect way you wanted it to be—who cares if it was destroying you from the inside? No one bothered to understand your problems or even tried to help you. You pushed them away. So you resorted in keeping this secret addiction to yourself. If drowning in this vice meant blocking out the cruel reality and making you live a dream—
It was more than welcomed.
You had no idea when you lost control, but you did. When dusk came, it was your cue to leave everything and go back home. No matter what, you had to be alone. You didn’t want to worry your friends, didn’t want them to know because they would do everything in their power to stop you. You didn’t want to be stopped, despite taking it too far—even if you knew that you were harming yourself this way. Living a lie. You weren’t happy by drinking, but you weren’t sad either. You felt numb—devoid of any emotions.
Just the way you like it. It felt normal to be in this state—if you weren’t, you’d grow restless. Start fidgeting, craving for that bitter liquid that clouds your mind and makes you float. It was hard to restrain yourself from drinking in front of others but you had to. You needed to stay sober and then get piss drunk later. No one had to know…
But today…
Hmmm? What happened today? You don’t remember, memories are jumbled over inside your head and the only thing you can distinguish is…That you drank too much. More than your usual amount because something happened. Something bothered you, made you unstable. But what…? About—love? Love, you believed. Heartbreak. Sort of. You had no idea. It involved…a fight. That was clear. You were at a birthday party…Yeah, that you remember. With your friend, Joji. He insisted in you coming despite your other plans of getting drunk later by yourself. You accepted because you liked Joji more than a friend—whenever you were around, you felt safe. He was your lifeline sometimes, in the most important moments. And you couldn’t say no to him—he calmed you and you wanted to spend time with him. So you accepted.
It all went downhill when you left Joji alone for a few seconds to talk to someone else. When you came back….you saw him kissing another girl in the middle of the people dancing. The cup of water you held dropped on the floor, your whole being not processing what was going on. But your mind did, in the end; faced the cruel reality. That Joji, in spite of your deepest hopes, flirted with other people than you. And it hurt, something broke inside of you.
So you started drinking like there was no tomorrow. Lost track of time, of sense, of everything. All was spinning—you had no idea what you were doing. You remembered yelling at Joji, hurtful words that were just buzzing in your head. You only saw Joji’s rather disappointed face and then you left. How you ended up home, that was all sucked in a black hole.
What now…? Now…it was time to wake up. Even if your head felt like exploding, even if you couldn’t move from wherever you were sitting—it felt comfortable, though. Smelled like Joji. So that was rather relaxing. You just wanted to sleep. But the jackhammer in your brain kept you awake. The hustle and bustle of the city told you it was morning or the afternoon. Too late. And there was a sensation of sickness in your stomach, and you felt as if you were going to vomit. But you were strong, used to it all.
Nothing…Nothing could disturb this peace. You were glad that you forgot everything…If you’re home, then you were safe.
Safer than ever.
Joji couldn’t stay still. He was smoking cigarette after cigarette, never stopping, the window always opened—the cold air couldn’t chill his temper, though. He was mad, beyond mad. Like he has never been before. He was tapping his leg impatiently, fingers trembling from the anger he felt deep within. The fresh air was the only thing that kept him from not raging completely and wreck havoc in your apartment. He was afraid he might wake you up, although he wanted to do that and give you an earful for your…reckless actions. He wanted to yell, to slap some sense into you, to break the bottles that were littered around your apartment. He just couldn’t believe that you kept all of this hidden from him, that you lied to him that you were OK when in fact you were far from that. But he kept calm, kept on smoking, not having the power to sleep even if he was dead tired. Hasn’t slept a wink since the party, but he was too wired up to get some rest. He had to wait for you.He had to get some answers.The Asian boy is not even startled as he hears you stumbling inside the kitchen, where he was. Although you were surely not aware that he was present in your apartment. He finishes the cigarette, perched up on the windowsill, and throws the butt outside. He doesn’t even turn to you, too angry to face you.“Oh…?” you say, seeing through your blurry vision that somewhere was there. You smile goofily, stumbling towards the counter. “Joji…?” You knew it was him. He was the only one that could be here. “I’m so glad you’re here, I—“ you stop, frowning. You remembered him kissing that girl and your whole enthusiasm was cut. Your heartbreak came back again, harder than usual, the cruel reality sobering you up a bit. Didn’t stop the spinning or the nauseating sensation. Just added to the pain.“Are you now?” he snaps and you’re rather taking aback by his tone of voice. You were the one that’s supposed to be upset, not the other way around!“Something wrong?” you hiccup. “What are you doing here?”“Taking care of you.” He responded, still not looking, and you realize that something was wrong. You look around, taking careful steps towards him—and the smell of alcohol mixed with disinfectant and puke hits you like a train. You finally notice the empty bottles strewn everywhere—the ones you forgot to throw out a long time ago, too wrapped around your weak sense of escape. You look back at Joji and you can see the dark look on his face. He was mad, that was sure; every fibre of his being seemed to scream that out. However, it only got you angry in return. Why was he allowed to get angry? You did nothing wrong!“You didn’t need to.” You cross your arms over your chest, confronting him.“I had to, [name],” Joji says loudly and roughly, making you flinch. You’ve never heard him speak to you like this. He finally stands up and looks at you, a fire burning into those eyes. It made you cower a bit, but you stood your ground. “Do you know how I found you last night?”“…probably sleeping?”“Wrong!” he steps closer to you, dangerously so. “I’ve found you in the kitchen, clutching another bottle of wine or whatever, passed out in your own VOMIT!” You say nothing, having no recollection of this happening. You only start to feel damn stupid. Your heart starts beating faster in fear that—yeah, you know very well what this meant. He saw everything. And he wasn’t a stupid guy. Joji probably figured it all out, why you had so many bottles—this wasn’t all about you drinking once. You shuddered, finally understanding his anger.“I only got a bit drunk—“Joji doesn’t hesitate to brusque you, grabbing the collar of your shirt (which you surprisingly found clean—seemed like he changed you) and forcing you towards him. “I’m not talking about you getting drunk this time.” He spreads his hand towards the surroundings. “I’m talking about all these bottles!” he narrows his eyes as you evade his keen gaze. “How long you’ve been hiding this from me?” You don’t answer, keeping your lips sealed. There was no point in arguing. You felt dead tired—you wanted to drink some more to forget this. And ignore Joji; maybe the distraction would go away. “ANSWER ME!” The scream startles you and you look at him wide-eyed as he shakes you back and forth angrily, demanding some answers.It still amazes you how such a calm person like Joji could snap like this—but here you were, getting yelled at by your friend that seemed to care about you so deeply. Still, the shaking makes you dizzy.“Joji, please stop, you’re making me sick…” your weak tone is what snaps him out of this and he lets you go, backing up a few feet.“I’m sorry…” he looks apologetic, yet still upset at you. He crosses his arms and leans over the table, watching his feet in silence. You stand there, trying to find your center of gravity but only getting an intensified headache. You just wanted to sit down…But he doesn’t let you. He goes on. “So? Are you going to tell me the truth?” You still don’t answer, mind on the pills for relief. “I’m not gonna let you go until you tell me.”A long sigh escapes your lips; you just had to answer. “I’ve never gave up on drinking.”He takes a deep breath. “So, when you said you quit your addiction, you lied?”“Yeah…”“Why? Why did you lie to me? Do you think this is OK?”“I am aware that it’s not, Joji..” He sighs, trying to calm himself down. You notice how shitty he looked—but was probably cleaner than you. You didn’t even want to see yourself… “Never mind that…How are you feeling?”You hug yourself “Like shit.”“You look like shit. And it still smells. Had to clean everything up.”You shrug “Thank you, I guess…”“I was so worried. When I saw you there, curled up in your own filth, not breathing.” He was getting angry again. “I thought you were dead, [name]!”“And yet I’m not—““Do you even realize what you’re saying?”“Ugh, stop yelling…Why are you so worried about me all of a sudden?”Joji scoffs “What’s that supposed to mean? I am worried about you.”“You weren’t so worried yesterday when you were kissing that girl…” You feel a wave of nausea coming to you and you stumble towards the sink. You try to pour yourself a glass of water but you can’t find it, hand trembling like an earthquake.“Let me help you…” Joji’s voice comes out softer than usual as he helps you out and you greedily drink it. You thank him, the water making you feel slightly better. Then he guides you out of there, towards your bedroom—and the stink gets to you. You probably drank a whole lot yesterday if you vomited that much. Joji puts you on the bed, covering you and you immediately feel relaxed. You wanted to go back to sleep but he doesn’t seem ready to go.“Why do you still drink?”You sigh, closing your eyes, wanting him to go away and at the same time, stay. “Because I can’t stop. I probably need help, heh…But I just want to drown out my reality.”Joji strokes your hair calmly and it makes it weird that he has been so angry before. “And why did you drink last night? I thought you were fine…” You said nothing. “It’s because of that girl?” You groan, but say nothing, though he can judge for himself that this was the reason. You hear him sigh, shifting closer to you. “She kissed me, if that makes things better.”“Not really.” You say that, but you do feel a lot better, curling around Joi’s body and seeking his attention and warmth. “I just want to sleep and…” you glance at him and see that heart-warming expression, that sunny smile…Your heart skips a bit. Even if you still felt like shit and sporting a massive hangover.“I want you to know that I want to help you get over this. And I’m sorry for getting mad at you but when I saw the state you were in…” He groans. “I couldn’t help myself. I don’t want you to go through this ever again…”I was afraid, he wanted to say. You scoff, but nod “…You can do that…I’m sorry for not telling you.”“I’m still upset but I want to understand you.” He leans over to you, breath brushing against your cheek. “And I want you to know that I only care about you, [name]…That I only like you, so you don’t need to drink because of this. I’ve always did…” he kisses your cheek, lingering there and turning you on if you weren’t so wasted. If you didn’t feel like this, you’d probably blush.“I’m still going to feel the need to drink…” his fingers stroke your hair soothingly and you feel yourself getting drowsy by that motion. “I can’t control it…”“That’s why I’m here for you, babe. We’re going to make through this together. Cause I never ever want to see you so miserable like this, OK?”You shrug, already feeling like slipping away from reality—too tired for this shit. “We’ll talk about this later…”“OK,” he kisses your temple and your hair and keeps on placing kisses until you giggle amusedly. “It’s enough, sorry.” He tries to stand up and leave you when you grab his wrist blindingly and pull him back. “Get some rest.” “Stay.” you demand weakly, clinging to him.And he stays. Curls behind you, arms wrapped around your waist and your body pressed tightly against his. He inhales the perfume of your hair and whispers sweet nothing into your ear. But you don’t hear. You’re in dreamland. You dream about Joji, about the words he told you that finally sink in. And you want to cry. But not yet…
Later.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Do you think they’ll like me?” you ask, nervously arranging your blouse, then groomed your hair so it could stay still and smooth.Joji chuckles and grabs your hand to stop it from trembling. He intertwines his fingers with yours and it actually calms you for a few moments. He tiptoes a bit to capture your lips, and you respond back eagerly to divert your attention from worrying too much. “You’re gonna do fine, don’t worry about it.” Joji was more worried about them making you uncomfortable. He knew this was a bad idea but Max and Ian (and many others, to be honest) insisted on meeting the mysterious girlfriend of George Miller that he tried so hard to keep a secret of. He knew that he had to present you sooner or later and well, he now had the opportunity, didn’t he?The only problem was that he knew they’re gonna embarrass him somehow. He just felt it in his bones. And while a lot of things went past him, unnoticed and ignored, he had a feeling that today was not going to be a day where he could keep calm. He has been on edge for some time now about various things, so he wasn’t in an exceptionally high mood. He was slightly excited by the meeting but anxious and nervous at the same time. Joji knew that, if you tolerated his sense of humour (which you did and shared), you will like them in return. But there was one thing totally bothering him that he didn’t quite shared with you. And that thing was the height difference. It wasn’t a huge difference, he was aware of that. The problem was that he was the one shorter than you, his lover. And Max and Ian were observant, they’ll surely make a few rude jokes.He got used to being the short one in the group, but the guys never made fun of him. And if they did, it was all for a video. He didn’t mind being the short one of the group. And he couldn’t help the fact that you, the one he was totally in love with, was with a head or so taller than him. It made him feel small most of the times and there were surely advantages and disadvantages to this. He found it rather cute the way you grabbed his face and dipped your head down. And many, many other things. But public display of affection was only reserved for your private life. Sure, he held your hand and all that, but he never ever let you kiss him unless you were sitting down.‘There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Joji!’ you tried to reassure him with a kind smile and a laugh, but he shrugged it off as if it was nothing. You could clearly see he was upset by this, so you agreed not to kiss him in public. It wasn’t as if you were dying to do so all the time and you respected his wishes. You’re gonna accept anything because, one day or another, he’s going to get used to all of this and he’ll feel secure enough about his height to get over it all. Until then—let’s just say you prepared your encouraging speech.“Ok, I trust you, Joji,” you said, still feeling rather unsure but deciding to just let it go. His friends can’t be that bad. Sure, you’ve seen their videos but that was just their persona. They were probably friendlier in real life.Meanwhile, Joji was still pondering if this was still a good idea or not. It was too late, though. He had to go, the things were set. So… “Let’s go.”“Max, Ian, this is [name], my girlfriend,” Joji says casually, trying to keep his emotions in control. You two were at the meeting point, somewhere in NY, in a park near a fountain; since Ian and Max were new to this, Joji believed that it was a perfect vantage point. It made you a bit anxious to be in public, but…You smile brightly, extending your hand for the boys to grab “Hello, my name is—““Dude, she’s as tall as you, Ian!” Max, you believed, exclaimed, staring at you more than he should’ve. You felt uncomfortable under his stare and you backed away a bit, wanting to just hide behind Joji. Of course, that seemed to create an even funnier situation, as Max started to laugh out loud. “And she’s not even wearing high heels!”Ian rolls his eyes “Yes, I can see, Max.” Joji, for a second, believed that he could find an ally in him; but then he opened his mouth again. “The midget and the giant, that’s how we should call you two from now on.”Your eyes widen, wanting to laugh a bit (cause you’re not easily offended), but at the same time, fearing Joji’s reaction. You glance at your lover—who got all red in the face from indignation at that. “Umm…” you were at a loss, and you try to laugh to ease the tense atmosphere.“Dude, that was rude as fuck, boi,” Max claps Ian on the shoulder, but you could see he was still grinning mischievously. Joji grips your hand tightly, as if wanting to comfort you, but you felt as if he needed the comfort, not you. You get closer to him, a frozen smile plastered on your face.Ian smirks, crossing his arms over his chest and tilting his head upwards dominantly “You guys should kiss.”“Oh yeah!” Max encourages. “I want to see proof that you’re together!”Joji frowns, shifting a bit on his legs. “Do you think I’m lying?”“No.” Ian shrugs, staring at you. “That’s not what we were saying.”“Then there’s no need for us to kiss in public—“Ian simply just nudges Max in the ribs. Max nods, as if this was a signal between you two. “We just want to see some love, don’t we, Ian?” Max then glanced at you, smirking widely. “Why don’t you kiss him, [name]?”Your face lights up like a Christmas tree and the request makes you forgetful. You don’t think about the consequences of a single innocent kiss, even if you were in public. You just wanted to show Joji some affection—I mean, you were near his supposed friends, weren’t you? He won’t mind that much since you’ll be kissing a lot in front of them in the future. But Joji thinks otherwise: they were surely planning something, if the jokes until now weren’t a dead give-away. And he realized that the moment Max suggested you kissing him. Ian was the smart one, he was the one that probably noticed that Joji wasn’t pleased with the height difference. And he was going to make fun of him—that was how Ian acted. Joji knew Ian was a savage and nothing could stop him now.Joji narrowed his eyes and let go of your hand—or did you let go of his? It didn’t matter. He turned to face you, but it only gave you access to act. He opened his mouth, a squeak leaving his mouth but it was smothered by your hands grabbing his cheeks. You pulled him up a bit, dipping low and capturing his lips before he could say anything. His words are muffled, moving with your own mouth, and his body involuntarily stretch, tiptoeing for a better reach. He wants to kiss you back—and for a few moments, he does. But then he hears Max and Ian bursting into laughter, getting way too loud for his liking. And Max had a pretty booming laugh, mind you. He was attracting unwanted attention.Joji’s face burns crimson as he pushes you away from him with a lot more force than he intended. You stagger a bit, shock written all over your face. You call his name, but he doesn’t look at you, preferring instead to glare at his two dying-with-laughter friends.“Dude, did you see that?!” Max says between gasps and Ian nods.“Next time bring a box with you so you can stand on something.”You gasp, realizing the gravity of your mistake. But you didn’t know what to say to make things right, because Joji’s expression was inexplicably dark. Oh boy, did he seem pissed…“Didn’t know you were such a hobbit that your girl has to bend so low.”“Yeah, thank god she didn’t wear any heels.”“Hey, that’s not very nice—“ you step in bravely, but your voice falls to deaf ears.“Why’re you being such cunts?” Joji asks them, balling his fists. “Why do you want to embarrass me in public?”Ian raises his hands in defence, while Max hides behind him, still chuckling. “Woah, didn’t think you’d get so upset, shorty.”“You fucking cunts—“You stepped in before things could escalate into a more dangerous zone. “Joji, calm down—““And you—“ he points at you accusingly, turning towards you with boiling anger, hurt swirling into that pool of black eyes. “Why did you do it? We talked about this and established something!”“I—“ you frowned, both angered and guilty for doing this. But your obstinate nature came forward and countered. “I thought that it was going to be ok since they are your friends.”“Well obviously it was the wrong choice!” he huffed and simply turned to walk away. You called out to him, but did not chase him. “Leave me alone for a bit, alright? I need to get my thoughts straight,” he tells you, shoving his hands in his pockets.“Awww, dude, come on, you know we were just joking!” Ian instantly tries to make things better, but Joji wasn’t planning on coming back. “…fuck.” “…well, shit.” Max exclaimed, looking the guiltiest out of all three. He glanced at Ian, who shrugged—but you could see that he felt equally sorry.“It was just a joke. I didn’t know it was such a sensitive…issue.”“Yeah, I thought it was going to be ok to kiss him,” you sigh. “I really want him to open up about this…”“We’re sorry…” Max apologizes to you, but you only smile and shrug.“He’s going to be fine, I’m going to talk to him.” You hope so, anyway. “So, why don’t we spend the rest of the day together? I’d like to get to know Joji’s…friends?” you were unsure at this point, but it wasn’t true. You could smell that they really were friends, but maybe Joji has been over sensitive a little bit. That was it. You knew that Joji hasn’t been in the best of moods lately and he was cranky for staying up late doing the new video lore. But the other boys went a bit overboard too…You’re going to make sure everything is going to be fine. And punish the two friends in the process. Joji hears the door opening but doesn’t move from his sulking spot. He felt guilty a little bit because he yelled at you for no particular reason other than him being butthurt. He was afraid of your reaction and he hoped you weren’t that mad (cause you didn’t take shit from anyone and he knows it). After all, he so overreacted. You just wanted to make him get over the height difference that didn’t matter in your relationship (at least, in your opinion).“I’m home!” you shout to signal your arrival and instantly strut inside the living room, worry etched on your face. “How are you, Joji?”He can see the flushed cheeks from you probably running, and he feels slightly jealous that you stayed with the boys until late at night. “Had fun?” he asks grumpily.“Huh?” you stop, confused. “Oh, oh yeah, Max and Ian are loads of fun! Ian even drove me back!”He growls. “I see.” ‘So you being out of breath must be from climbing up the steps.’ Sighing at his reaction, you carefully step towards him, sitting on the couch, getting close to him. “Joji, I want to say that I’m sorry…I acted on my own, I forgot about what I am supposed to do and I—““You embarrassed me.” He sighs heavily, turning his head to look at your sad yet determined expression. “In public.” He suddenly felt so ridiculous about all of this, hearing it from his own mouth. Why did he overreacted like this? He should’ve kept himself composed…“I know. And I’m really sorry about this…” you put a warm hand on his arm and he tensed, then relaxed.“I should be the one to apologize, I…” he sighs heavily, leaning towards you then hugging you close. You more than welcome his warmth. “I acted like a dick.”“No, I am the one…”“I should’ve known they were going to be like this and they got to me.” He eyes you with his puppy eyes. “I’m stupid.”You kiss his forehead, hugging him closer. “No you’re not. I understand. I won’t do it again. I thought you were ready for this—““I am ready,” he suddenly says, grabbing your hands and holding them tightly. He has done a bit of thinking while and he arrived at a conclusion that has been so obvious until now. He stares into your eyes and you felt yourself sinking in. “I’ve been thinking a lot and I realized that it shouldn’t matter. You being taller, me being smaller…” he shakes his head. “I love you all the same…” And he means it. “Awwww, Joji!” you coo, placing kisses all over his face while he smiles and tries to kiss back. You then spend the whole night properly apologizing to one another.
-Extended ending-
“…Why are you dressed like that?” Joji asks, trying hard not to laugh at the sight of both Ian and Max in very sexy maid dresses. They both look embarrassed, but at the same time, confident.
“Apologizing.”
“[name]’s idea.”
“Right…” Joji snickers, loving your ‘terrible’ idea.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Max approaches Joji, making his way through the crowd and looking rather worried, desperate to reach the Asian male. Joji sips his drink without a care in the world, leaning against the bar counter, eyebrow raised in question as to what Max wanted. Did Ian ditch him and got nothing better to do than to pester Joji? Seems likely, but he is looking rather specifically at Joji, like he wanted to tell him something. Something very urgent and important. He wondered what. Hopefully, Max didn’t cause any trouble with the other YouTubers scattered around at the party; and he hoped it had nothing to do with you. You have been gone for quite a lot of time at the bathroom, so anything could’ve happened on your way back. The Australian boy finally reaches Joji and leans towards him to whisper in his ear. “Dude, [name] is dancing with someone.”Joji shrugs, but his smile disappears a little bit by bit. He tries to recompose himself, not wanting to imagine that you lied to him and went somewhere else. He didn’t want to think that you were off flirting with another boy behind his back. Not when Max and Ian were lurking around and could obviously spot and tell on you—you couldn’t get lost that easily in the crowd. And you were certainly not that stupid as to let signs; you were more meticulous than careless and he knew that.He slightly pushes Max away from him, scrunching his face in distrust at Max’s words “Naah, no way [name] is doing that.”Max frowns, obviously offended by the fact that his friend didn’t believe him. “Mate, I’m telling you! She’s off grinding against—““A friend maybe,” Joji yells over the loud music, sipping again from his beer to calm the dreadful feeling settling in his chest.“It was looking rather serious!”This time, he lets his whole carefree demeanour fall as he finally sees you through a gap in the crowd. And he now knows that Max was only speaking the truth. You’re definitely dancing with someone else in a way that was only reserved to him. Grabbing the person’s shoulders, moving lasciviously, shaking your hips left and right and obviously enjoying this. And the dude’s hands were all over you, trying to touch but you didn’t seem to let him go too far. The way you were so flirtatiously smiling at the dude—wait. It’s that guy he’s always buying his stash from. What? He only saw you once and he didn’t think he’d be that over you from one encounter. Seems like he has been too careless in regards to your magnet-like personality that attracted such unwanted attention. And you obviously liked whenever someone showed interest in you, not because he didn’t give you enough, but that’s how you worked. You weren’t going to pass an opportunity to flirt, not wanting anything in return cause you have Joji—or even try to make him incredibly jealous.Which was how he felt right now, despite himself. He didn’t like the leery smile the dude gave you and that jerk knew very well that you were Joji’s. Did you think you were going to give up so easily on him? Hah! No chance! He was still jealous though of the attention he was getting. However, he’s not going to do anything about this. He’s going to wait until you decide to come back to him. Not let on what he’s truly feeling. However he catches your gazes as you glance over, as if you have been aware of his position all this time. This one hint makes him certain that you planned this all along. The way your lips curled upwards in a teasing smirk and how closely you pressed to that boy’s body. Tiptoeing towards the boy’s ears to whisper something naughty in his ear, probably, while still keeping eyes on him. Checking out as if Joji was your prey—and he probably was. But he wasn’t going to be baited. He sips the drink, gaze like a hawk. His index finger beckons you over with hastiness, and you actually listen. He got it all wrong; you weren’t telling the dude a naughty thing. You were telling him that you were going back to Joji. He puts the bottle on the bar, getting himself ready for your coming.Disentangling yourself from the dude, you make your way to Joji and press yourself against him. His reaction is immediate; he encircles your waist, pulling you flush against his chest, hands grabbing your ass cheeks possessively. He nibbles at your ear lobe, you could hear his hot breath, desperate and needy, as he kept on kissing. He makes sure that all around you see who you belong to and that he’s merciless with his foes. He won’t forgive anyone. And especially not you. “I’m out,” you both hear Max saying, getting lost in the mass; but neither acknowledge him. You continue on kissing, grinding against each other in an attempt to make the other moan and groan. Obviously, you’re both feeling rather excited. And you don’t think you’ll wait until you get home.
Bathroom it is.
“You’re going to get it for that stunt, [name]…” he growls dangerously after taking a pause and you shudder.You smirk: seems like your plan worked most excellently.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Can I call you? I miss your voice…
Your text has been left unanswered—and you sent that message like a couple of hours ago. You check your phone for the hundredth time, but still no notification. And you made sure to put your volume high up, to hear it, not to miss it. You open your laptop, which was lying near you on your cosy bed, and quickly enter on Skype, in the hopes that you’ll find him online. But you don’t. The icon telling you his status showed that he was offline for about a day, almost. You wondered where he was, what he was up to, to be missing for so long. He hasn’t said anything, you ended up your conversation with lots of love, so you didn’t think he was mad at you. Of course, you’re also thinking of the worst possible outcome of him getting in an accident—and you hoped that wasn’t the case. He was most likely working on a big project for his Filthy Frank show; he told you that he had lots of plans for the return of the real Filthy Frank, so he was probably busy doing that.But still…it was unusual for him not to message you whenever he had time—and if he didn’t, he’d surely make some time for you. He couldn’t stay away from you; and that was the same for you. A day wouldn’t go by without you contacting one another with even a random no sense message. You two missed each other dearly—and it had a reason. You never saw each other live. You only knew each other by your online persona: of course, that barrier has been crossed, otherwise you wouldn’t have been together for five months. You wanted to believe that you knew the real George Miller and not Filthy Frank. But you felt he was genuine and you equally returned the favour by being yourself.You sigh, closing your laptop and staring out the window, at the grey clouds: hopefully, it wasn’t going to be raining or something. Although it was rather chilly outside—you felt it in your bones, despite not going out today. You had no plans and you were utterly bored. And you missed Joji. Tremendously. Your attempts of contacting your lover fell to deaf ears. So the only thing you could do was sip your warm tea, huddled into your blanket, and reminisce about the sweet memories while listening to Joji’s songs. Yeah, you liked twisting the knife into your wounds cause you wanted to see Joji in real life. He wanted it too. You’ve never saw one another in real life, living in different parts of the world—you met online, of course. Both being YouTubers, him more famous than you but you not far away from his prestige, with similar content. You weren’t on par with Filthy Frank’s nasty content, but you could be considered a female Filthy Frank. In a way. You were still cute and adorable when you wanted to.Naturally, you revolved around one another, neither having the courage to congratulate the other for the content he created—just to spark a conversation. Still, Joji was the one that contacted you first (when he was drunk, edged on by his two friends; he told you afterwards). And, not long after, you both confessed to each other. It came naturally because you clicked so well—it didn’t take long to reveal your true nature to him and vice versa. You could spend hours and hours just talking or listening to each other complain or just watch a movie together and offer real-time commentary. Those were the fun times; it might sound stupid, but it was the only way you could be together and offer the illusion that you were right next to each other.Until now, you ignored the lack of touch, thinking that it was more than that to your relationship, and you were strong enough to not need it. Joji felt real, despite only seeing and hearing him behind your laptop screen, through his shitty webcam. He was there for you and the connection you had with him was strong enough to surmount these trials. One day, you’re sure you would meet. You just have to be patient, to not let your feelings rule you and cause you discomfort. It wasn’t any of you at fault here: just your jumbled schedules. Work, college, filming—you had no time to spare for going to meet him. It took a lot of time and effort and money and you know that it shouldn’t matter when your love was shared and strong and your inmost desire—but, take a deep breath, calm down—You shouldn’t complain. You signed up for this. And you wanted to ignore the people talking about this, forever asking you ‘Where was that boy of yours? When are we going to meet him?’ Who cares if they wanted to meet him? You wanted and that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. It still made you anxious, made you think: ‘Why are you with a guy like him that’s so far away when there are others here that are the same?’
No. Joji was not the same as the others.
It still slipped out from time to time, though…
I wish you were here with me, Joji…
He said nothing for a few moments, stopping to ponder, expression mirroring yours: longing for your touch and, at the same time, sad. Both stared, away from the other’s gaze—because you couldn’t face the truth. You couldn’t find a solution. And it was the first time this problem was ever addressed. Never to be spoken again. But there was a slight tension in the air whenever you talked: in that pause that became awkward with time.The ever longing question: will it still work if it keeps on going like this?You dreaded the answer and you don’t want to know the truth. Better stay ignorant, unaware of your lingering feelings and just live like that. Why complicate things? What good would that do? You didn’t want to leave Joji. That was out of the question. Five months were enough to tell you that he was the one. No one would ever fill Joji’s gap if he left.You sigh, realizing that you’ve been daydreaming far too long and your tea has gotten cold. You stare at the cup, suddenly feeling disgusted at the thought of the taste. Shame, though. It was a rather delicious flavour of vanilla and it was a waste to throw it away. Yet you had to—if you stayed still, getting distracted by Joji and doing nothing of what you were supposed to do, then you’d waste a whole day. And thinking negatively wasn’t something that you wanted to do today. A bit of a work out will do you good. So you slowly but surely climb down the comforts of your bed and you shuffle your bare feet down to the kitchen. You make sure to turn off the sad music that was playing in the background—that surely didn’t help you cheer up, despite loving Joji’s tracks. And especially the one he composed especially for you, which was your current ringtone.
Forget about that.
You lived in a rather small apartment with a fair rent, but not alone. Your flatmate was out today so you had the whole house for yourself. But you wished she was home to pester you with stories about his million of lovers—for once, that would fill the emptiness inside of you and distract you. Don’t know to what extent it will work—because no matter how hard you tried to care or concentrate on her words, you’d still lose track of the events she was telling you.
Never mind that.
You dump the contents of the tea in the sink and you’re settling on making another hot cup. You put some water in the tea pot and you let it boil, while you chew on some rather stale biscuits. That reminds you that your flatmate surely didn’t go to buy the necessary groceries. So the job was probably already fallen on you. You sigh exasperated, but this might prove to be a fruitful task in distracting you. You reach out to stop the kettle from boiling, but you stop midway, hand frozen in the air.Your phone was ringing. A message! Your thoughts immediately fly to Joji but they were quenched instantly by your pessimistic mindset. There was no way that Joji was messaging you now, he was busy. Probably just your flatmate wanting something from you. She surely forgot something at home and I need to get it to her.So you flip out your phone—and your hearts stops.
Joji: Sorry.
‘Sorry? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!’ You start to panic, thinking of the worst. What did he meant by that? Was he in trouble? Was he breaking up with you? All of the possibilities passed through your head as you turn off the stove absent-mindedly. You stare at the message on your screen, keeping on lighting it up whenever it was about to blacken. And you feel like smashing things in anger and fright—but you were unmoving. You felt tears in your eyes…The doorbell suddenly rings, successful in waking you up from your state. You shake your head, but keep on shivering. ‘No need to cry, it could mean nothing…’ you encourage yourself as you’re walking towards the door, feeling light-headed. You dry your tears before you turn the doorknob, not stopping to look through the peep hole as to whom it might be. The increasing and desperate buzzing bothers you. You wanted to make it stop. Made your ears sing.“I’m coming, jeez,” you say bitterly, throwing the door open with force. You don’t even look at the person—you can only stare at the feet, at those worn-out sneakers.“Hey, [name].”It takes you a second of pause to register the tone of the voice that was calling out for you. You recognize it at super-sonic speed because you’ve been hearing it so often and it was very dear to you. Your head snaps up and you meet the black eyes of the one you’ve been dating for all this time. The same stupidly charming grin, the fluffy black hair, the cap, the fashion sense, the height—the voice. Everything. It was really George Miller standing in front of you, breathing, living. It wasn’t a dream.“Are you ok?” he asks, worriedly, a hand stretched towards you but afraid of touching you. “Did I surprise you that much?” you can hear the emotion in his voice, strangled. He was probably feeling the same way you did, even if he kept his feelings in check. His heartbeat couldn’t lie; this was a big step for him and was unusure of your reaction. But seems like he didn’t need to worry.You open your mouth, but nothing comes out, your lips quivering in disbelief, eyes wide. He laughs awkwardly, looking to the side. And you realize you haven’t been breathing this whole time from the shock. You feel light-headed as you take a deep breath of relief: he was fine, that was sure. He wanted to surprise you, that’s why he has been ignoring you. ‘Everything was fine, [name].’ You gulp and you can finally feel that you can say what you wanted to say.“You’re breathtaking…” you let it slip out and immediately feel your cheeks burning from embarrassment. ‘Why did I fucking say that?!’ Sentiment overload, most likely. You felt like fainting right there on the spot—and you were sure that you wanted him to catch you.“Am I?” he chuckles, amusedly, yet he was feeling rather shyer than on Skype. His cheeks are dusted pink, eyes filled with the emotions and fright he was actually feeling. “Thank you,” Joji clears his throat, making a courageous attempt in getting closer to you. “And you’re simply mesmerizing, [name].”He’s standing in front of you now, at a hair’s breadth from touching you—and your whole body craves for his hands on you. But you’re frozen, you can’t move, heart almost beating out of your chest. You can only feel your eyes watering.“I can’t believe you’re really here…” you whisper and he leans over to you, breathing on top of your lips, so close.“I can’t believe I’m here either…” His warm hands make their way to your waist, touching you and sending tingles up your spine. Joji pushes you gently and you fall onto his chest, holding onto him for dear life.“You made me worry, you fucking jerk!” you cry out, burying your nose into his chest and smelling him for the first time—and it was exactly how you imagined it would be. You press yourself to him, listening to his rapid heartbeats that soothed you. This was real. This was so fucking real.“Sorry about that message, I really wanted to make it a surprise…Been planning it for a while now because I wanted to see you, [name],” his words tremble with emotion and you sniff, understanding his intentions now. And you were glad that he made this ‘sacrifice’ to see you—at the same time, guilty for not taking action yourself. You can finally see that this was as serious as it could get, that you two would do anything to be together. “And I want to make this work out.” Joji grips you tighter, arms around your hips, palm resting on the small of your back. He nuzzles the top of your head, inhaling your sweet musk.“Stop talking, would you?” you’re suddenly feeling brave and you grab his face, bringing it down towards you. You don’t know what to expect as your lips touch—but the shy and clumsy kiss exceeds every expectation that you had. It’s short and sweet and you love those plump lips of Joji’s that blend so perfectly with yours. The way your mouths mash together in synch as you’re hungrily exploring one another. You felt as if you were floating on fuzzy clouds, and your minds spinning and—It ends too soon. You part for breath, staring into each other’s eyes—and you burst into embarrassed laughter. How long have you waited for this, lord…“I—“ he says between pants, gazing at you lovingly. “That was so much more than I wanted, fuck.” You can only smile. There was nothing more you could say that wasn’t already expressed through your eyes. “You had no idea how long I wanted to do that.”“Mmmmhhhhmmm…” you murmur and he brushes a few loose strands from your face. “Same.” “You’re beautiful, [name].”“Am I, really?” your embarrassed laughter suddenly halts as you finally remember something. You push him away and he lets you go, curious as to what made you act this way. Your face is burning crimson as you try to cover yourself. He doesn’t seem to get it; until he does.“What? Are you serious?” he starts to laugh whole-heartedly and you blush even more, ashamed of your appearance.“Yes! How can you say I’m beautiful if I’m…” you evaluate yourself “…dressed like this.” An old hoodie, long enough to cover most of yourself with baggy pants that probably had holes in them from being so worn out. And your hair—your [h/c] hair was a mess, tossed in every possible direction and totally not brushed. You woke up and thought that you didn’t need to get ready for a special event or something: you certainly didn’t think that Joji Miller would be on your doorstep this morning. Sure, he’s seen worse states of you, but this was live. You didn’t want the first thing he’d ever see of you to be this. “You think I’d change my mind?” he asks, a hand on your shoulder, a hint of amusement and fondness in his eyes.“Don’t look at me!!” you yell and cover your face, but he pries them away from you, making you stare at him.“I like you the way you are, [name]. Never believe that that will change.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Hey. Hey, Joji. Jooooojiiii!”He lazily rolls his eyes towards you, trying hard to focus on what you were doing. When he sees you were actually filming him with your own camera, he groans and hides himself under the covers some more. He didn’t want to deal with this so early in the morning—and he especially didn’t like being filmed so privately like this. You had better sides of him to film, when he was fresher, when he was not hungover. But you begged to differ; you wanted to catch every single side of him, ugly or not. No, that was wrong: Joji was never ugly. However, you weren’t known for backing off so easily. You giggled, grinning brightly and got closer to his face, wanting a close-up. “Joji, come on, wake up! It’s morning!”“So…?” he was sporting a massive headache from the hangover from yesterday. The guys—plus you—partied the whole night and day from your arrival in Australia. Of course—that was some sort of initiation whenever you lot went to a convention and surely did some crazy stuff last night that Joji doesn’t remember half of. He was more amazed by how upbeat and fresh you looked—what was your goddamn secret? He wanted to learn more from you, but then again, maybe you hadn’t drank that much in the first place.“So we need to go to the convention centre!”“Ugh…can’t that wait?” he stirred a bit as you pulled the covers to reveal his face a bit. “[name]…”“The guys are all ready, lazybones!” you protest even further, not taking shit from him. It was your first convention—well, at least together with him—and you were going to make memories together! You couldn’t wait any longer, you wanted to film him to show the world how wonderful he was. Of course, you knew that he didn’t want to but still…at least keep it for yourself. “Come on, we ain’t got all day!”“[name], I’m tired—“ he turns around, showing off his bare back all scratched.You stop yourself from giggling embarrassed at the sight, knowing that you were the one that did that. “You promised me!” you say instead, whining.And just that tone, just that reminder, makes him get up in an instant. He hates seeing you sad, especially if he’s the cause; so that makes him move. He gets up, glares a bit at the camera, and ruffles his already messy long hair.“Fine.”He has to give you credit where its due—the moment he steps outside to the chilly morning air, he already feels a lot better. Like the hazy cloak lifted itself from his mind—and his mood increases to the better. You’re glad about that; you didn’t want to trudge along a grumpy Joji.“Joji, hold my hand!” You happily instruct and he obliges, intertwining his fingers with yours as you’re walking down the road. The other guys are behind you two, keeping a distance from the couple so they could make fun of them being together. You weren’t lying to yourself that you and Joji weren’t the subject of their conversation. Because this was the first time you’ve ever showed yourself in front of them and well, they were guys, of course they’d joke sometimes if one of them has a lover. But you don’t mind—you don’t give a rat’s ass, to be honest. You only want to be with Joji, for the first time after so long of not seeing each other.And you were going to take every opportunity to show your affection.“You’re going to film at the convention?” he suddenly asks you, gripping your hand tighter and pointing with his other hand at the camera slung around your neck.“Of course!” you declare rather loudly; you were interested in filming, like a documentary of sorts of your life. And you wanted to include this experience, of course. And especially include Joji because he was slowly starting to become an important part of your life. And there was rare footage of him around the internet—you were going to take advantage of this trip to capture him on tape. Even if it just might be only for your eyes. At least you won’t miss him as much.Of course, film him with his permission. You glance at him sheepishly, knowing very well he was rather ‘camera-shy’ in real life, wanting to keep his privacy. “Um, it is alright with you?”Joji shrugged “Yeah, why wouldn’t it be, you can film whatever you want.”“Even you?”He actually stops to ponder, a pause in the conversation as he’s thinking about it. “Oh.” He finally says. “Film me?”“Yeah! For myself only, I promise I won’t post them anywhere! I want to film you, you’re so beautiful on camera and—““I’m beautiful…?” he stops your tirade and you shut your mouth, blushing brightly. “Hey.” Joji pokes you in the sides, wanting to make you talk. He had a very big grin, teasing you even more for your slip of words. “[name].” You can only nod. “Awww, you’re so adorable, [name]. Thank you for the compliment, no one told me that before.”“I’m sure someone did before…” he tugs at your hand, making you attentive that you could walk again—you were at a crossroad.“The only one that really means for me is coming from you, you know that.”You hummed, then got back on the right track “So? You’re going to let me film you?”“When you put it so nicely…” You didn’t expect this—well, at least not that much since he’ll end up in a video accidentally anyway—and your eyes lit up with glee.“REALLY?!” you jumped a bit on your feet then pressed a hasty kiss on his lips, catching him by surprise. You don’t let him wake up as you’re immediately on your camera, turning it on. “Smile then!” you point the lens at him.“…Right now…?” he asks, shying away a bit, but knowing you’d never go against your word.“I don’t want to miss anything!”Joji sighs. Today’s going to be a long day…And so began your real trip. Feeling great that you got his permission, you filmed everything. Even if you were doing boring things, like just walking. Your camera was most of the time on him. And soon, Joji got used to the idea that he won’t change your mind that easily. Besides, what harm could this do to him? You were clearly enjoying yourself…So, in that fashion, filming the dirty jokes Max and Ian threw around and other funny moments, you arrived at the big convention centre. There were already lots of people and you stood there for a few seconds, amazed by the atmosphere you felt there. You filmed it all, turning round as to capture everything—until you heard Joji calling for you.“Coming!” You ran back to him, careful not to stumble or hit someone accidentally, as you made your way through the crowd. He waited for you, matching his steps with yours, clearly not wanting to bother you while you were so in awe. It made you look cute, he had to admit. And he loved how excited you looked.You stop your camera from running as you’re waiting in the line for your access badges, talking absent-mindedly with Joji about what you were feeling right now. You were almost there, ready to get what was yours, when some girl suddenly distracts Joji’s attention from yours. He turns around, facing the group of girls, you observed, and smiling his charming ‘I don’t want to upset anyone’ smile.“You’re Filthy Frank, no?” they ask, and he stops himself from rolling his eyes. Everyone knew him for being Frank, but no one seemed to know his real name. No, that was wrong; they all knew, but they prefer to call him this. Except for you: you didn’t even refer to him as Filthy Frank when you first met. And he was grateful for that.“Yeah, it’s me.”“Can we take a picture?”“Sure,” he shrugged, already used to dealing with fans. He shoots you an apologetic look, but you don’t mind: you’re grinning from ear to ear. You’ll wait your turn and call him when you had your badges. You weren’t going to get jealous over some girls being his fans—that was normal. You had your own fan boys, so…But still, you couldn’t help but film his interactions with the girls, as he was just standing there, smile frozen on his face, not touching anyone—because you were watching. And he couldn’t afford to make you upset (despite you telling him that you certainly didn’t mind as long as you two loved each other). It was rather endearing and you ‘awweed’ in the background as the girls clung to him like leeches, trying to have a bite out of him. And they kept on cornering him, growing in number, fans from everywhere.‘I better hurry.’ You did your best to procure the badges in time before he got swallowed whole. After you got them, you hurried to him, pushing through the crowd.“Joji!” you called out and he turns his head in your direction, gratefulness written all over his face. I show him the badges and he takes a few moments to apologize to his fans that he needed to go. You received a few nasty looks, probably from taking him away, but you got no choice. Max and Ian were already inside, waiting for you—and you hated making people wait after you. He reaches out for you and you grab his hand. He lets you pull him out of there and falls in stride with you. You two enter, but do no spot any sign of the other guys.“We should go look for—“But Joji pulls you towards him, cupping your chin with one hand, the other being occupied by the cap which was previously on top of his head. He held it to your left side, as if covering your faces—it all felt like a scene in the movies. “Joji?” you can’t help but giggle at the action. Just what was he trying to do? It felt silly—he must know very well that people could still see. “What are you doing?”Joji’s grin was flirtatious and he clearly didn’t care who saw. He leaned over to your lips and you hopefully craned your neck upwards to meet him halfway, lips already puckered up. You wanted a kiss, but you weren’t expecting one.“Thanking you.” Imagine your surprise when he actually captured your lips with his in a rather deep kiss—the way he always kissed you. It took you by surprise and by the moment you start to respond, he already backed up, leaving you in a daze.“Joji…?” you were at a loss, obviously pleased by him doing this but not understanding what got over him. “Are you ok?” you shook your head and immediately put on a worried expression, pressing your palm on his forehead. “Hmm, you don’t seem to have a fever…”“Cause I don’t, [name],” he rolls his eyes playfully. “I just wanted to do that. No one is looking—““You’re wrong there, buddy!” Max’s obnoxious voice is heard and you both turned to face him. Both Ian and Max were grinning at you, filming you with their cameras.“You fuckers,” Joji harks, not bothered by it. He laces his fingers with yours and pulls you towards them. “You better not spread out on the Internet.” Joji warns the boys and Max only shrugs, not quite caring. The shot probably wasn’t as professional as he wanted to.“Scout’s honour,” Ian says but neither trust him.And with that, you move on to enjoy the rest of the day.You actually felt that you had the time of your life. Hours went past unnoticed as you kept on wandering around the convention, seeing all kinds of weirdos. People cosplaying your favourite characters (some good and others bad), with whom you asked Joji to take pictures of: with you next to them, of course. Some you ‘interviewed’ and some you adored. You even got to met some of your favourite Youtubers and you managed to get a photo and a few words on camera from them. It made you all excited and giggly and you couldn’t be kept in check; whenever you spotted one of your faves, you’d run straight to pester them, disentangling your hand from Joji’s. Much to his chagrin. No matter how much he yelled after you, you didn’t listen. And he’d sigh exasperated and go after you, making sure you won’t get lost from him. Because he was sure that if he just went on his way with the guys, you’d cry out for him in dismay, lost.So of course that soon, the two of you ended up ‘touring’ alone. Just the way you wanted it to be. You could freely film whatever interested you (and that was mostly Joji) and spend as much time as you want there without fearing that Max or Ian might get bored. And most of all, you get to spend as much time as you could with your lover, who didn’t complain one second about where you were taking him—except for the times when you ran away from his side. He scolded you and you would listen like a little kid that did something bad: and then you would do it all over again.An endless vicious cycle that somehow managed to upset Joji—especially when a random YouTuber he didn’t quite cared about decided to take advantage of your friendliness and started hitting on you. He didn’t take that nicely when the dude made advances in your direction and obviously made you uncomfortable. He had to refrain himself from snapping the dude’s neck as he took you by the shoulders and guided you out of there without a word. You were grateful for that. But it did not stop there. Somehow, a lot of fans recognized Joji for who he was—all at once. You have no idea what triggered them to finally spot him, but you found yourself surrounded by hundreds of them, all demanding a picture and shouting cringy memes. You hid behind him, but only managing to attract attention towards you. People started asking who you were to Joji, obviously thinking that you were his secret lover—which you totally were.“Leave us alone,” Joji said, not wanting to start a ‘war’ there—and when he saw that he had no way to calm the spirits. He simply looked at you, took your hand tightly and said “Run.” You nodded and, in unison, you started to run in different directions before he pulled you in the direction which he was going, making you stumble a bit. But you quickly regained your balance and you both pushed to the crowd, starting to laugh at the protest you left behind.‘Good. Let them talk and wonder.’You finally stopped to catch your breaths in some sort of cafeteria—the smell of the food hit you and you felt your mouth water. That reminded you that you hadn’t eat anything today. Luckily, the whole group of your friends was there too, calling out to the two of you and you joined them at the table. You ate and drank a whole lot as you stayed at the table and joked around with the others. You even filmed Joji as you threw fries into his mouth and marvelling in his ability to catch them.All in all, it was a wonderful and eventful day, filled with photos, laughter, random games and videos—and a lot of drinking.All caught on camera. At the end of the day, you went back to the hotel you were staying, probably to rest before the big party later in the night. You and Joji shared a room so you went inside. Carefully, you set the camera on the night stand, positioning it in a rather strategic angle as Joji was pissing in the bathroom. There was at least one more thing you wanted to film before you left the city; something that would keep you warm in those lonely nights at home.“Aaah, I’m beat…” you exclaim, spreading yourself onto the bed and staring blankly at the ceiling.Joji chuckles from somewhere in the dark, as you didn’t bother to turn it on as you entered the room. “You’re not ready for the party tonight?”You scrunched your nose “We had a party yesterday, I think that was enough, don’t you think?” You feel him climbing on top of you on the bed and you feel his lips on your neck, his breath tickling you naughtily.“Maybe you’ll manage to energize me…” you giggle at his intentions, but you weren’t going to say no now. A bit of relaxation wouldn’t hurt.His hands go down your body, reaching in between your legs and rubbing you through the fabric of your pants. You moan, bucking your hips against his hand.“You left the camera on…” he whispers, chuckling amusedly at your obvious plan.Your smirk glows lustfully in the dark. “So?”“I was just stating, I don’t mind,” you feel him shrug as he continues.“Perfect.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“So, how was YOUR first kiss experience, George?” a very drunk Max said, grinning stupidly at me and swaying from one foot to another, almost falling. I’d love to see that, but I don’t even acknowledge his stupid dare as my eyes instantly dart towards you. [Name]. The one I’ve lost my first kiss with a long time ago. How many years has it been? Six or so, I think. I can’t remember and frankly, I don’t care. But still, you’re here, by my side, despite that awful experience. Wonder if you still remember it all—oh, no wait. Judging by your mortified expression, eyes widen in my direction, you surely do. Oh boy, has it been on your mind all this time, just like mine? Every time I stared at your lips, I had a flash of that one memory on that rainy day…I can’t believe it, though. I thought that was an experience you wanted to forget. After all, it didn’t end up pretty well. I consider myself lucky that you still wanted to be friends after our failure of a relationship we tried to create as teenagers. But as I’m looking more closely…Was that a blush on your cheeks just now? Woah, what? Don’t tell me…“Why’re you looking at [name], hmmmm?” Max throws us a suspicious look and [name] quickly looks away from me, twiddling with the glass in her hands.“Nothing, my…my gaze just stopped there,” I mumble, at a loss at your reaction. What the hell, what was that blush supposed to mean? You still have feelings for me? Cause I know I still do, but I never acted upon them, dreading that you’ll reject me.Cause I surely had no chance with you again.“Then tell us already, faggot!” Chad says from somewhere on the couch, sitting like a mermaid in the sand, without a shirt. Fabulous.“Dude, I bet he kissed a guy!” Max started laughing wildly, leaning against Ian, who was watching everything with a smirk. That cunt—he was enjoying seeing me uncomfortable. Or rather us, cause you seemed like you wanted the couch to eat you just then and there. Making yourself smaller, insignificant. But the guys knew better than that.“I did not kiss a guy, Max,” I finally protest, attracting the Aussie’s curious gaze.“Then?” he asks—and I realize that there was no way out of this. I took a deep breath, took another swig of beer, feeling it warm my vocal chords. And then proceeded with the story telling.
I was 16 when we first laid eyes
Scrawny little fucker, yeah, I was that guy.
We just accidentally met at a party one of our mutual friend invited us. Through that mess of people kissing and grinding against each other, through that smoky haze and through the loud music deafening my ears, I saw you. And you saw me, of course, standing there awkwardly near the wall after your date passed out. You looked so troubled, too innocent to be there with the other junkies—and yet there you were, so out of place.And it went to shit from there. We made eye contact, somehow. I don’t remember how it worked exactly. But I fell in love with you, you fell in love with me. Classic teenage romance, filled with parties, alcohol and hormones. Went to you, sparked a conversation and found out we were perfect for each other. No clue how or why, but I guess it had been something—after all, here we are, six years later.
And you was down for the weekend
I was down for the greeting
It didn’t take me long to realize that I was crushing on you—and that I wanted you more than ever. Of course, my intentions weren’t that gentlemanish in the beginning, I admit. I only had sex in mind—my first lay. Yeah, I sound like an asshole, but I was just a kid. A horny kid that wanted experience. And you were perfect in every aspect for that. And don’t only blame me—you knew what me asking you out on a date meant. You were curious too, I could see it in your pretty eyes. And despite your initial reluctance, you accepted without protesting, a slight blush gracing your cheeks.
And your eyes the same colour, shit, that jasper be chiefing
Couple of freckles on ya nose, roses made you blush
Gentleman I was like, I wasn’t trying to fuck
But it was my first official date so I was stuck like..
God, what a wreck of a date. Problem was that I had no experience in dating, so I was a mess. Sweating like a pig, waiting for you with that ridiculously looking bouquet of roses, in those stupid casual clothes. They certainly pleased you, made you smile brightly, but we were both blushing and stuttering messes, unsure on how to proceed. I was more nervous than you, probably because I was stuck with the presumption that a man should lead. So I threw out all of my thoughts of having sex—I realized how stupid that was. I was lucky if I obtained a single kiss at the end of the night. Fuck, I didn’t even know if I knew how to kiss correctly. I’d get one only if I played my cards right. I tried to recall all the dating tips I’ve read in a stupid magazine, but my brain failed me. So I awkwardly took your hand and guided you towards the restaurant I wanted to take you. Yeah, you were surprised that I decided to take you there—I was surprised myself. But dammit, I was acting like a gentleman until the end, especially since I started this day by bringing you roses.
Romantic.
So, hand in hand—surprisingly, you let me hold it, even if I wasn’t supposed to—we walked towards the restaurant, sparking a conversation to ease out the tension.And, in the end, it wasn’t that bad. Sure, I spilled water on you, somehow, while trying to act as cool as a cucumber, and accidentally ordered something that you didn’t like, but you weren’t mad. You only laughed gingerly and soon, all of the tension dissipated. We were comfortable with each other enough for the next step: taking you home.“Have you brought an umbrella, Joji?” you asked me while I was paying (you insisted on making it half-and-half)—and how cute you were, hands pressed on the glass and staring out into the night.“Hmm? No, why?” I came by your side and peered outside.My heart dropped.“Because it’s raining…”
It was past curfew, and we was at the grove
And it was raining, and I had to be home
And then you grabbed my hand, talking about trying to get home safe
All I remember was your motherfucking face, your face
We ran. That was all we could do. I have you my jacket to cover your head and, hand in hand, we ran, cold pellets of rain wetting us to the bone. Well, more me than you, but hey, that was what I was supposed to do. I couldn’t let you catch a cold: what gentleman would I have been then? But it made us happy—I remember your happy laughter as we ran through the thick curtain of rain. That sound still rings in my ears from time to time, when I’m feeling alone. And I laughed too at our bad luck—at least we weren’t far from home.So, we arrived in front of your house and you sweetly told me “Come inside to dry a bit. Then I’ll give you my umbrella.” I followed, dazed and not believing my luck. I thanked the rain with a victorious jump—all that you didn’t see because you were busy opening the door.I was sure I was going to get my first kiss tonight. I didn’t even stop to think of something more.“Come in,” you invite me in and then it dawned on me. I stop at the top of the stairs, looking into your sparkling eyes with a dreadful feeling in my chest.“Aren’t your parents home…?”You blush, stare at your feet, water dripping beautifully from your hair. Ugh, I wanted to kiss you then and there, but the fear of your parents was strong. “No, they’re not…It’s safe.” That was supposed to make me think twice of the consequences of me intruding a maiden’s home, but my sudden sneezes and shivering didn’t convince you to let me go. You insisted in getting myself warm—that made my head spin with perverted thought, but I blocked them. Didn’t want you to have to see an awkward boner because this situation was already starting to get awkward enough.“Here, a towel,” you threw me a fresh white towel that smelled like you and I started drying my short black hair. You sat down next to me on the couch, close that our knees touched, your body radiating heat and drying the cold drops on my arms. You weren’t as wet, you seemed fine. But you were on edge, body stiff and back straight, fearing something. Of course you did—I was thinking the same thing. I wanted to kiss you—and you wanted to be kissed, that was sure. I prolonged the inevitable, you shifted closer. I finished, threw the towel away and turned to face you. You faced me, staring into my eyes with your own doe-like ones. You looked like a deer in headlights—I was too, hidden beneath a fake façade of confidence. My heart was beating fast, I felt like I could faint, my palms were grossly sweating—and I bet that’s what you felt too.I called your name, you faintly echoed mine, and your voice gives me courage to lift my hand towards you, in time with you.
I play with your hair
As you rub on my ears
Then we awkwardly stare until our lips locked
Then we awkwardly stare because our lips locked
Now it’s awkward in here because our lips locked
It’s awkward, it really is, the way our mouths are so uncoordinated with each other and don’t know what to do. We touch one another, but we don’t know where. We grab one another, but it’s clumsy and we’re hitting our teeth more often than biting our lips. We’re rushing ahead too much and that’s what causing the disruption; but we can’t stop. Not now. We’re too ‘in heat’ to focus, wanting to suck this experience into our brains, to live off of each other. Taste as much as we could.But when we stop, it still feels awkward. We don’t look at one another, too shy, our cheeks burning, not knowing what to say after that. I feel elated though, grinning from ear to ear confidently.There’s an awkward silence in the air, while I’m feeling so much…
Feels like I’m floating in air
Can’t believe that this dare turned into a reality when our lips locked
Man this feels like a dream because our lips locked
You officially put my feelings inside a zip lock bag
“What are we now, Joji…?” you ask in a weak voice, as your hand shakily reach out for mine. I grab it, no longer caring that my palms were sweaty. “What am I?”
You’re my girlfriend, you’re my girl (you know I like you a lot).
“Ok…” you smile.And so started our short relationship…
You got a nigga sprung, whenever I’m holding your hand
And making eye can-tact, I feel like the damn man
Cause even though I am and get round of applause
I’m insecure then I start to think that I do not stand chance
But, moments, wish that I could own’em or lease it or clone it
‘Cause holding your fingertips is golden
I fucking love you, now treat my palms like a bowling ball and
Grip and keep holding on
Girl
It was all fun and games at firsts, taking everything step by step. We had all the time in the world, so we went slowly, through more dates, more kissing. Everything was fine.But…
You got a
Wait, don’t think this is going to work
Things got complicated and a couple of feelings got hurt
I haven’t talked to you in a couple of days
I got too comfortable and started to think we was really a couple
I grew cocky. I learned how to kiss—and I was damn good at it—and I was THE bomb. Or so I thought. I was still the skinny kid that everyone made fun of, but dammit I had a girlfriend. And that attracted more girlfriends and I was popular.It got to my head, sadly.
But hey at least it was time spent
But by the time you will hear this you will know what these rhymes meant
But when you realize its awkward your name’s still my password
So I’m always fucking reminded
You got a nigga sprung.
I don’t know how I ended up talking about my whole relationship with you (no names given, of course), but I did. And I was finished, regret in my voice and trying hard not to show it. It still did, and you’re looking at me rather intense; I couldn’t read your expression, though. It was impenetrable but there was a faint smile on your lips. Fondness? I hope not. I don’t deserve it. I have been a complete asshole, throwing you away like that.I’m going to keep on saying it, but I am lucky to even have you breathe near me. Or even talk to me so sweetly and freely—your kindness never changed. “That was…” Max distracts me, taking a deep breath, eyes wide “LAME! SO LAME!”“Kinda gay,” Ian added. Chad didn’t have anything to comment because he fell asleep halfway through my story. I roll my eyes “Whatever, you guys are assholes.” The two of them only laughed as a response as I finished my beer.“I think it was cute,” a soft yet firm cuts in through the laughter, making the two boys stop. We all look at you, confidently staring at me with a still rather shy smile.“You do?” I blink, not believing what I was hearing. Did you really just said that.You nod. “Yeah. It was fun. I don’t regret it.”I react before Ian and Max could and I stand up, rushing to you and grabbing your already extended hand—I smirk. You always knew what I was thinking, even before I say something. That’s one thing I like about you. Always so sweet…“Wait, what—“ Max starts to say, utterly confused, but I helped you up, telling you in a rushed tone that we still had some unfinished business to settle. And we really did. I didn’t want to let you go again, that was sure. I changed; not much, but still considerably. You only nod and giggle as we start running—“Just like that day in the rain, no?” you add, and I can’t help but chuckles as we’re out the door.I couldn’t wait to kiss you again. And it might be awkward, I don’t mind. I don’t fucking care anymore. You still having feelings for me—fuck, I was blessed.And we’re running. Running with Max and Ian’s ‘WHAT THE FUCK?!’ in the background. Let them figure it out by themselves. I didn’t care.I wanted to focus only on you, [name].
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkk….” you groan loudly, finishing the rest of the beer left in the bottle. Hiccupping loudly, you smash the bottle on the table (not enough to break it, though), then start to laugh without stopping, uncontrollably. Your hazy eyes try to focus on the persons sitting in front of you, but you can’t distinguish between the faces of everyone here, at the bar. They all look the same to you, and you blame the huge amount of alcohol in your system for this. Not like you cared. Today was your day—today, you wanted to fucking party until you black out and nothing, no one, could stop you from going down that path.“[name],” his smooth buttery voice reaches your ears and your skin tingles, a shudder running through your body. Well, no one but him, Joji—your handsome Asian boyfriend whom you so adored and you felt lucky for having by your side. After all, you were not the skinny type of girl that everyone sees and likes: in fact, you were far from that, with your rolls and stretch marks and all that stuff that was considered ‘unpleasant’ by normal standard society. Which was totally not true; you were fine—more than fine—with your body weight and you were a fierce supporter in fighting those who belittled you. It was YOUR body and you were still beautiful. The thing that matter the most was your inside, your soul, not the way you looked: and Joji saw that in you. Made you feel special. Made you feel confident (not like you weren’t before, but he helped), and you were proud of you who were. Joji liked you the way you were and that was all that mattered. You ignored the rude jokes on your behalf, the jealous stares from the other girls that wanted Joji and just focused on you and Joji. Together, nothing could bring you down. Power couple—all of that.And you were the one that got Joji’s full service in bed, worshipping your body and giving your skin the kisses and affection you deserved. Not others. You. You were everything. And your confidence filled with Joji’s love made you brave, made you strong and fierce—nothing could bring you down.And yet…Nothing could be perfect all the time.“[name],” Joji calls your name again, and you hear it from next to you, his warm hand resting on your shoulder, shaking you up a bit, making you look at him. “Hey, baby, answer me, are you al—““Do I look alright to you, Joooooooojj?” you slur, turning your head towards him, frowning and glaring at the Asian male, who did nothing wrong. And, in the back of your mind, you regret your rather rude tone—you never meant it, but your brain is too clouded by the frustration that accumulated over time. You wanted to vent—you didn’t tell Joji on why you insisted so on drinking tonight. You just told him that you wanted to relax after a whole busy week that wore you off. But the reason was another—sure, this was too, work or school, but there was another reason.The bullying—it got stronger, more insistent, harsher. And it got to you.“Hey, talk to me—No, don’t drink that!” he snatches the bottle in front of you, holding it out of your reach. You make a grab at it, but you wobble and can’t reach it—only angering you more.“George!” you snarl, louder than necessary and already attracting unwanted attention. The chatter around the table stopped, all eyes focused on you two. Joji only keeps his gaze onto you, keeping a straight poker face and trying hard to understand what he has done for you to act like this towards him. And you see all that, but the anger runs too deep and you’re not in control of your actions. And you can’t stop yourself from blowing. “Give it—hic—to me back!” you’re aware of the silence, of your stupid sentenced words but—you wanted that beer, let the bitter liquid wet your throat and blacken your memory.But Joji is relentless—he hands it to someone you couldn’t see and stands up. You weakly call his name, your angry façade crumbling a bit, thinking that he got fed up with your attitude. You were known for getting tipsy soon, but you never went this far. And Joji blamed himself for letting you get to this stage. He should’ve been more careful, but he trusted you to be more careful with yourself. Seems like that was wrong and now—“Joj, don’t leave, I’m sorry—“ he interrupts your plea as he gently grabs your hand and slowly makes you get up. You follow his lead, swaying on your feet a bit, but he steadies you, holding your arms. You feel the whole room spinning but you focus on Joji’s face and feel a little better. But his coal eyes are glistening rather indifferent towards you and your vision gets blurry all of a sudden. The sting of tears hit you and you realize that you were about to cry. And Joji notices that, of course—nothing can escape him—judging by the widening of his eyes.“Please, don’t be mad at me…” you start to bawl, out of the blue, and his heart feels like tearing apart at the sight of you wanting to cry.“Come on, let’s get out for some air,” he whispers into your ear then starts dragging you towards the exit, turning around to the others into a plea for an apology—“excuse us,” he tells them, but you’re not entirely listening. You can only concentrate on Joji’s warmth and the back of his head, thousands of apologies and explanations for your behaviour running through your head. You try to say something, but you can only make incomprehensible sounds as you open and close your mouth. You can’t say anything, but you’re dying to explain what was wrong with you, you wanted to make him understand. But at the same time, you were afraid of his reaction. What would he say? He never saw you like this before, never heard you talk shit about yourself.But today you felt like it. Today you felt like shit and sick and upset that you were hurting Joji so and—The cold air hit you like a wave and you inhaled sharply, feeling your head clearing up a bit—but not enough to realize the ‘gravity’ of the situation. Joji’s hand on the small of your back guides you to a secluded area, somewhere dark but still lighted up enough for you to see his expression. Away from the eyes of the people smoking outside, from the chatter that could bother your own conversation. ‘Or more like banter, cause I’m sure this is going to get ugly’, you thought, breathing in slowly and awaiting for the storm to come.Joji says nothing for a few moments, preferring to light up his cigarette and sit calmly next to you, both leaning against the wall. You can only stare at your feet, heard beating like a drum in your ear, your head spinning round and round and making you feel sick. And the anxiety was eating at your heart, leaving a hole inside your chest.‘Let’s just get this over with.’“What was that all about, [name]?” Joji asks gently, letting out a puff of smoke that you followed the trail of until it dissipated into the night.“I—““You never drink that much,” he added, eyes moving towards your figure. You felt your cheeks reddening in shame, but the whole frustration that you felt came back to you like a hurricane. And you felt angry again despite yourself.“I had to.”“Why?”“Because I had enough!” raising your voice more than usual, you almost startled Joji if he wasn’t prepared already for a reaction like this. “I had enough of all the—hic—shit people give me and and…” you sobbed grossly—in your opinion—feeling how tears ran down your cheeks like an open tap. You broke down like a dam, but your lover was there to glue the pieces back together.“[name],” he softly calls for you, throwing his cigarette on the ground and hugging your figure. “What’s wrong—““Don’t touch me, I’m gross,” you said, pushing him away with force that he didn’t think you were capable of, taking him by surprise. He stumbles a bit, but still gets closer to you.“What are you talking about?” he gives up from trying to hug you in comfort, instead standing in front of your crying form and trying to understand. “[name], please I want to—““Do you think I’m gross, Joji?” You face him, eyes burning with tears that he feebly wiped away with his thumbs, daring to cup your face while you were distracted. You lean into his touch, your hands making a grab at his shirt for support.“No. Of course that I don’t, why?” his voice is a whisper that soothes you, like cashmere. “Cause I’m fucking fat, Joj, that’s why!” you say, pained, the words of your bullies running into your mind. Why are you so damn confident when you’re so fat and gross, huh? Who made you think it was ok? “I don’t know why you like me when I’m like this and—““Because you’re you. Can’t you see that?” he snaps in a gentle way. “I wouldn’t change anything about you.”“Yes you will, you’re just lying you never liked—““STOP. TALKING.” Joji raises his voice and you shut up, closing your mouth more from surprise at him being this bold when he should’ve been mad at you. Joji breaths rapidly, trying to calm himself from the shock of your words. “What happened, [name], I never heard you talking like this about yourself, you’re always so confident…”“Well, I’m not most of the time,” the air and the ‘fight’ sobers you up and you feel ridiculous of your actions. But it was too late now, Joji really looked like he wanted to know. “I can be like this too, I can hate myself if I want to! Because—“ you nodded towards your body “—look at me.”“I look at you and I see the most beautiful girl in the whole world,” he presses his forehead onto yours and you stare into his sparkling eyes. “But—““No, shut up. I liked the confident you more.” He pauses, taking a deep breath. “Did those girls say something mean to you?”You nod, averting your gaze “Yes…” “And you were an idiot to listen to them.”“Hey—““You are if you got this drunk because of them. You know very well that they are not true. Not even you don’t believe their words, do you?” You gasped, a light bulb lighting into your head. It was true—the stress and everything got the best of you and made you weak. So unlike you. Joji smiles as he sees you finally realizing this. “Figured it all out, dummy?”Your tears stop and you sniff, calming yourself down. “Y-Yeah…” You always were amazed by the fact that he could calm you down so easily. You had no idea why, but if it worked, then that was great. “And…?”“I’m so sorry, love, but…” you avert your gaze, your fingers clawed into his shirt, pulling him closer. He takes your lead and grabs your waist, rubbing comforting circles on your skin. “…Sometimes I really feel like I don’t belong next to you because of who I am…”“Who are you? You’re my girlfriend. And I don’t want to change you for anything in the world, babe.”“Aww…”“Dummy…” and he leans over to capture your lips into a kiss, slow and sensual then turning a lot greedier to match your pace. He responded eagerly to your neediness and pressed himself into you, grinding against you like he knows best. You moan into his mouth and he smirks, his expression suddenly turning dark. He breaks the kiss and you mewl impatiently, begging him to just take you then and there, Joji style.He laugh darkly, and bites your lower lip seductively “Seems like I need to teach you again how beautiful you are because it seems you haven’t paid too much attention last time…”You could hardly contain your excitement, amplified of the alcohol still in your system. This was going to be fun..
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Sigh.“There!” Joji snaps you out of your reverie and you jump a bit in your seat, looking at him rather confused afterwards. “There it goes again!” he adds after seeing your expression, as if that was enough.Solved nothing, though. You were still confused as to what he was referring to. “What is?” You ask for explanations, toying with the straw in your drink, stirring the rest of your unfinished lemonade, bored. No—bored was not the perfect word to describe the thing that was bothering you. You were sad. Distracted from the date you and Joji are on and were supposed to enjoy the time spent together. Today you didn’t felt like being happy. Something was on your mind. And Joji noticed, despite you trying to cover it—he saw that you were rather out of it and wondered why.You involuntarily let out a sigh again. You couldn’t help it—your heart felt heavy.“There, that sigh!” he snorts, shifting in his sit and resting his elbows on the table so he could focus on you more. You shivered at the intensity of his gaze, so serious—you always got lost into those dark eyes of his. They judged you, saw through you and read you like an open book. You could never hide anything from him; and that was rather nice. You didn’t want to hide anything, to let your frustrations bottle up inside of you and blow at the most inopportune times. You might do something that you’d regret later and you had no reason to fight with Joji.“It’s nothing,” you still try, averting your gaze to the side, watching through the window the people passing by.It was his turn to sigh. “That’s not nothing, [name]. I know you.” He leans over the table, his hand reaching your cheek with one hand, palm warming your face. You smile at his touch, loving the way he was doing it so gently to soothe you—it always calmed you down. “There’s something on your mind…” he whispers, wanting to kiss you but knowing that that will only distract him from the problem that was bothering you. He had to listen to you first then comfort you accordingly.At least you tried to divert his attention. But you were fighting a losing battle—a part of you wanted to tell him your rather stupid motive of why you were upset. Now that you thought about it, it was rather stupid, but it still saddened you.“So?” he encourages you softly, his hand falling down and grabbing your own, holding it tight. “What is it?”“You know the movie we saw yesterday…” you start, feeling your cheeks getting rather hot the more you talked.He makes a face “The romantic one I probably fell asleep at one point?”You laugh loudly and he smiles in return, both knowing that, despite him keeping on kissing you to distract you from the movie, he still watched it. Joji paid more attention to romantic movies than you would’ve believe—just to please you, probably, but to some degree, he still enjoyed some of them.“Y-Yeah, that one,” you wipe a few stray tears that appeared from laughing too hard. “And you remember that scene where the girl jumped in the boy’s arms—“ he nodded, attentive and confused as to where this was going and what connection was between the movie and your mood “—and how the boy easily twirled her in the air…so romantic like, how her dress flowed behind her and the sort…”He struggled to remember and he did—it seemed to leave a great impression on you. But he never figured why: probably because you thought it was a great scene and he knew you were a sucker for romantic stuff. Why was this bothering you for real, he was about to find out. “Mhmm,” he murmurs, already rubbing your hand with his thumb at your troubled expression. “And?”“And I was thinking about us…” he stops, eyes widening. Understanding. “How we’ll never be able to do that.”“Why not?” he’s genuinely confused—if you wanted for him to take you in his arms, you could’ve just said so.You gulp, hoping he won’t snap at you for your next detrimental words “Cause I’m fat, Joji. You can’t possibly carry me.”“What—“ he chokes on his own spit, appalled by your words. How could you think of you like that? “That’s not true!”You snicker at his expression, feeling silly for this. “You can’t deny that I’m skinny either. I am rather chubby, ain’t I?”“Babe,” he blinks at you, grabbing your hand into his with both of his own. “You’re not fat!”“I am—““No. You’re just the way I like it.” You sigh, somewhat dreamily. “You know you’re sexy with your curves—““Yeah, but you can’t carry me either like other boys do…”The Asian boy watches you for a few seconds before snapping his fingers at you to make you look at him. When you do, his serious gaze sort of frightens you. “Hey. So what? Does it bother you that much?”“A little, yea…” you admit sheepishly. You felt rather silly for telling him this…He is the one that sighs this time long and heavy, bringing your hand closer to him and placing a light kiss on your knuckles. “Think of it like this: you can carry me instead.”A vivid image with you heroically carrying Joji in your arms, as if he was the one in distress. Standing on a mountain with the sun behind you, your hair floating in the wind as you tried to look as ‘manly’ as possible as you were holding the small Joji in your arms. And Joji’s expression was flawless: staring up at you like you were his real hero, having such a love-struck expression. It melted your heart, to be honest, despite being just a figment of your imagination. It made you giggle a bit, though—you had to admit, it was rather cute. And he didn’t seem to mind, to be honest. In fact, if he made you feel better about yourself, he’d let himself get carried around all the time in public. He won’t mind that much. He’d never want you to frown about this ever again.“He he, that won’t be so bad, but…” It still felt incomplete.Joji kisses your hand again, closing his eyes as he murmured against the skin of your palm, his mouth moving against it. Tickling and embarrassing you at the same time—but you were used to this kind of gentle treatment from your lover. And he looked so beautiful with his long lashes, his black messy hair ruffled, his plump rosy and slightly chapped lips brushing against your every chubby finger…“I’ll work out for you, I promise, until I’ll be able to carry you with my pinkie finger…” his hot breath sends shiver down your spine and you involuntarily lean in towards him, wanting to just kiss him for his way with the words that always seemed to comfort you. He opens his eyes, his kisses stopping, and his gaze is dark and lustful. A dirty smirk is plastered all over his lips, curled and tugging at the corners.It was amazing how quickly he managed to turn you on.“Until then, I’ll let you carry me as much as you’d like. I’ll make you feel like a princess in other ways…”“Oh—!”“Trust me.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
He turns towards you, eagerly, ready to ask you the ‘dreadful’ question. You gulp, clutching your fingers together and fiddling with the fabric of your long shirt, sheepishly looking into his bright happy eyes.“What did you get me, [name]?” ‘Isn’t a cake enough?’ you think, but it was silly of you. It wasn’t as if you didn’t come prepared today, on Joji’s birthday…Besides, his tone is telling you that he wasn’t entirely serious, knowing that at his age, he wasn’t expecting presents anymore. He was fine with the presence of his friends around him—and your presence especially. Joji kept that only for himself, though.But that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want something from you; a gift—anything—would made him very happy. Depending on your willingness and your imagination. A sign that will tell him that you like him back; but you seem troubled, red in the face and embarrassed by something. He cocks his head to the side, one eyebrow raising up, and watches you with interest—was it something he has said? Were you that upset that you didn’t get him anything? You know very well that he wasn’t going to get mad, it was just a silly birthday. Why should he be happy that he was getting older?“I—“ you gulp, feeling drops of perspiration down your brow, your mind a dazzled mess. You had a present; just not a conventionalone. And you were unsure if it was a good idea in the first place. I mean, what if Joji didn’t like you the way you did? “I wanted to…” a deep breath to fill your lungs with air and two courageous steps take you closer to him. He watches, intrigued by what your mind could’ve come up with. “I wanted to do something special for your birthday.”Joji blinks then looks around “Well, we’re alone, aren’t we? Hit me with your best shot.”That only seems to make you more fidgety and you blush harder, totally avoiding his gaze. “Y-Yes…” You made sure to call Joji in the morning and ask him to hang out with you. Otherwise, your whole plan would’ve turned into a disaster. He was yours for the day and that was final. He wasn’t allowed to hang out with anyone else and you made sure it stayed that way. “It’s just that I didn’t manage to get you anything and I feel sorry about it…”
Liar.
“Oh.” He doesn’t sound disappointed—he could see that there was something else to that attitude of yours. “It’s ok—““So I decided to do something else.” You raise your head and quickly add “I wanted to ask you what you want from me.”Joji freezes, unable to process what exactly were you asking of him. “Wh-What, like umm, a present that I want you to give me or…?” he’s unusually flustered because all sorts of naughty stuff runs through his head that he didn’t exactly wanted to share. The things he could put you to do—damn, his imagination was getting out of hand.“Anything.” You emphasize, rolling the tip of your tongue over your lips then carefully biting them. And your expression, your not-so-innocent eyes—breaks him. The façade of the (rather) good boy disappeared, replaced by the repressed desires deep within him.“Anything?” he inquires, just to make sure, taking a tentative step towards you, his hand resting on your shoulders. You lift up your head, staring at him with wide eyes. “Well, since you got me nothing, I guess it’s fair, no?”You nod, at a loss of words because that look—that hungry smirk was totally turning you on. He squeezes your shoulders, digging his nails into your skin, making you hiss. He puts a finger on your lips, shushing you up. His dark eyes were swirling with a thing that didn’t belong to the Joji you knew—this one was different, more savage and ready to devour his prey.A shiver ran down your spine, his gaze chilling and getting you hot and bothered at the same time. Your legs felt like pudding as he loomed over you, teasing you with the proximity of his lips over yours.“So?” You blink, forgetting that he was expecting an answer out of you. You nod, your throat dry, wanting to just lean in and kiss him.“Then you’re going to do everything that I want for the whole day.” He eyes you suspiciously, loving the want in your [e/c] orbs. “Is that ok with you? As a punishment for not giving me a present.”“Of-of course!” you chip in, your voice trembling.His fingers grab your lower lip all of a sudden, pulling it slightly. “Don’t worry,” he says, disinterested. “I won’t do anything that you don’t want to already.”You gasp lightly—has he figured it all out? You were kinda giving it away with the offer that was written all over your face. “Nothing can make me change my mind!”Joji scans you for a second, then turns around to sit on the couch like a boss, spreading all over. “Good. You’ve brought a cake, didn’t you?” You nod. That was the least that you could do. “Then bring it and then we’ll see where this is going. I’m kinda hungry.”‘Hungry for what, more exact?’ you wonder, but never voice it out loud. Judging by the tone and how ready you felt, you knew where this was going. You knew what was going to happen, you couldn’t lie to yourself. You didn’t want to in the first place. You came ready and your luck has turned to your favour—just the way you hoped it would. Quickly shuffling into Joji’s kitchen, you unboxed the small chocolate cake he knew he liked, took out some plates and other stuff you needed, and eagerly hopped back to where he was sitting. The atmosphere changed while you were gone: the blinds were closed, letting only a bit of the sun outside in. There was slow and sexy ‘we’re going to fuck’ music in the background and only lamps to the side turned on, giving the whole room a very ‘romantic’ setting.You try not to get too riled up by this and read too deep into it, as you put the things on the coffee table. You sit down on your knees, with a knife in your hand, ready to cut it, when he stops you. “Let me taste it first.” He says and you couldn’t read his expression through the shadows. But you could see him lean over the table, his finger taking off the icing on the top of the cake and then putting it into his mouth. He tastes it, then goes for more, his fingers greedily taking more and more icing with each refill. Your mouth opens, salivating, wanting to kiss the coating that remained onto his mouth; you licked your lips, shuffling uncomfortably in your position, wanting to just lunge at him and do a lot of naughty stuff.He catches the movement. A wide smirk curls onto his mouth.“You want to taste it too, [name]?”“Umm…”“Of course you do.” He dips his fingers into the starting to melt chocolate from the heat of the room, taking as much as he could, then beckons you to come closer to him. You do as instructed, shimming onto your knees until you’re right between his legs as he was holding his hand rather low. “Come on, don’t be shy…” He beckons you more, and you end up with your hands on his knees for support. You look from the fingers to his face, and his face confirms what you really have to do. You finally focus on the chocolaty treat, gulping in hunger. You lick your lips, slowly, tempting him, and he groans in response, almost shoving his digits into your mouth.You can’t help but smirk at his eagerness—you never believed that Joji could lose his cool like this. So you want to tease him; but he doesn’t let you, he knows what you are planning.“Open your mouth.” A command; the only thing that could get you to listen. You click your tongue in annoyance, but you can’t act confident for long. Blushing madly, you open your mouth and lean in, slowly taking his finger in. You feel him shudder as your lips close around his rather long and chubby fingers. And suddenly, it doesn’t feel as embarrassing as you first felt: Joji was more nervous than you were, surprisingly. Maybe cause it was your first time? You go as deep as you could, your tongue rolling around and tasting the chocolate. So delicious, combined with Joji’s own taste. You make sure to prolong the moment, sucking and licking, and staring into Joji’s eyes, provoking him.“Shit,” Joji mumbles as you bite onto the digits lightly. You chuckle but you don’t seem to have the desired effect of frustrating you. In fact, he looks rather troubled.The Asian man suddenly retracts his fingers out, but still lingering full of saliva against your lips. “I only wanted to tease you, fuck,” he murmurs lowly, desiring, looking rather vulnerable and lost for a moment.You cock your head to the side cutely, your hair falling onto your face and shadowing the growing smirk. “Is there something else you want me to do or I can resume cutting the cake?” Your palms gently rub his knees, urging him for more. “I confirm that it tastes good.”“Ugh,” he groans, his other hand moving down until he rested on top of the bulge of his jeans. You snicker—you can’t help it, and he takes it rather well. “You know what needs to be done.”“Ok,” you shrug and wait for him to unzip his pants. You help him pull off his pants until you have enough access, then greedily grab his boxers, taking them off savagely. “Oh!” you can’t help but exclaim at the fine specimen standing in front of you, eyes wide and glinting with lust.He can’t help but smirk at your reaction “Like what you see?”“Mmmmhhhmmmmm…” you grab it, gently, but it’s enough to make him buck his hips into your palms involuntarily. You snicker some more as you rub it slowly up and down, from the base to the tip.He looks at you, now wanting to miss anything from what you were doing, but the bucking of his hips urges you to go faster. And you do—and he’s starting to pant harder, but his gaze never leaves your eyes. You lean towards it, gently kissing the tip and he shudders out a moan. His fingers rapidly entangle themselves into your hair, pulling it softly, just as an encouragement.“Never knew you were so skilled…” he says, chest heaving faster.“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me,” you counter, licking the tip of his manhood with your tongue, rolling around it and tasting him.“Well, I’m about to find out, aren’t I?” he is still cocky, making himself more comfortable on the couch, spreading out his legs more. As to ‘punish’ him, you give his whole length a good lick, from the base to the tip and he groans deeply, pulling your hair.He looks down at you darkly “Suck.”A simple instruction that has your head spinning. The tone with which he said it makes you moist and you’re more than eager to please him. You take the tip, suck it, rolling your tongue around it for a few moments, but then you feel his pushing your head downwards. You obey him, going further, slowly, trying to adjust to his length, until you reach your limit. Still, he tries, testing to see how far can you go, and you take that as a challenge. So you let him, but he goes too far and you gag hard, pulling fast out before you could embarrass yourself.“I’m sorry about this,” he says with an apologetic smile, rubbing your head in comfort as you glare at him. “We’ll work on that.” Your heart skips a beat—does that mean he wants more out of you in the future? This was already more than you bargained for, but it seemed more as a ‘one-time-thing’ rather than something more serious. You knew Joji was a rather ‘casual sex’ person, but you didn’t think he’d want more out of you.With the new acquired feeling guiding you, you go back to sucking him. With a speed that you didn’t think you were capable of, you give him the blowjob of his life, licking and sucking, and even pinching his thighs sometimes—just to make him attentive when he seemed he was getting too comfortable. He had to stay aware, focus only on you; and that’s what he did. His eyes were only looking at you and every time you focused your eyes on him, the intensity of his stare dazzled you. You felt so filled with affection and care, it was unbelievable. And he didn’t seem to unglue his eyes off of you. Watched your every movement—and it made you blush, more so that the fact that you were giving him a blowjob.“Oh yeah, baby girl…” he’d encourage you from time to time, seemingly sounding lost but he was a master of the situation. He could control himself, although your lips onto his dick was turning him on and he was ready to burst straight into your mouth. He groans loudly, pulls your head and, feeling him close enough to cum and you release him.“Fucking hell…” he moans hard and comes onto your face, you showering with his white semen, letting it fall onto your face. When he’s done, he takes a moment of respite, closing his eyes and praying to the great Chin-Chin for his good luck and best blowjob he ever had. You just stay there, panting and feeling dirty, awaiting his next command. “You—“ he sighs dreamily, finally opening his eyes and watching the state you were in. And he can’t believe that it was his doing. “Shit, let’s get you cleaned.” He rushes to get some napkins, but finds none in the vicinity.“It’s ok, really,” you say, licking some off, much to his arousal. “You look…” he stops for a second, observing. “Ravishing. Delicious.” He’s slowly wiping your face with his finger, gently, warmly. “I love it.”“Ah,” you find yourself moaning with need, leaning against his touch.“Do you want to go on?” he asks you, caressing your beautiful face. You nod eagerly, eyes sparkling. He smirks, loving the way you seemed to like him. “Good. I’m glad.” He suddenly grabs your face and pulls you up a bit, smirking devilishly. “Now, why don’t you strip, darling?”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
BANG.
You shut the door with force right in Joji’s face, locking it so he could not get in later. You didn’t want to face him today, you didn’t want to listen to him, you weren’t in the mood to talk to him, despite the fact that he knew very well how to comfort you. No—today, you wanted to cry in frustration, to just go to sleep and forget that this day has happened. And that’s what you do. You don’t even take off your clothes, you stumble in the darkness of your own room and just jump onto your bed. With your face stuffed into the pillow, you manage to cover yourself and you stay there, paralysed, the tiredness of the day coming back to you. You cry, cry harder than you’ve ever cried before, letting it all out. And soon, you fall asleep, hurt and broken, your mind spinning, your body feeling cold—you never felt like this before. But still, you fall asleep, soon enough.
And with Joji hearing everything. He knows what to do.
You woke up, feeling shittier than ever. You open your eyes and realize that you were still in yesterday’s clothes, stinky. You felt filthy, but you were too tired to move. You wanted to just lie there and forget about everything—A knock on the door snaps you awake and you reluctantly look towards it. You knew very well who it was—and suddenly you’re feeling bad for pushing Joji yesterday so ‘violently’. He only wanted the best for you and of course that your attitude yesterday has been nasty. ‘Leave me alone, George!’ you’ve said to him as he tried to hug you, pushing him away. You almost threw your school bag at him in your anger. That’s how upset you were and Joji noticed; he never saw you as mad as you have been yesterday.So he knew he had to do something about it…“Hey, are you awake?” his soft knocks break your heart; despite how you treated him, he was still so ready to forgive you. “I heard you, I thought that…” “What do you want?” you yell loud enough for him to hear, and you are amazed by how raspy and sick your voice sounded. “Shit…” you start coughing, only worrying your lover more.“[Name]?” He asks, trying the door but finding it locked. “You sound awful.”“That’s cause I feel awful,” you respond, covering more with the blanket as you shiver from the cold. But it was warm in the room, that’s what you felt—only your body was cold. Your nose was stuffy and running, your throat hurts; ‘Did I just caught a cold?! This is just great! This is the last thing I needed right now!’You felt like crying again, but you held yourself strong. Joji heard you coughing again and said “You’re sick? Did you catch a cold? You’re not ok, no? Please—“ he tries the door again. “—Please open the door, I want to talk to you and see how you’re feeling.”You groan in frustration, but still get up from the bed, feeling a wave of blackness coming into your head. You take a deep breath, calming yourself, and when you are feeling a lot better, you go to the door and open it. Joji’s smile dazzle you; so bright at the sight of your messy self, but then the smile is quickly replace with worry. He catches you as you bury yourself into his chest, clinging to him for your dear life. Joji immediately wraps his arms around your figure, pulling you closer than ever.You sniff, crying out his name. “Jojiiiii, I feel like shit!”“I can see that, babe,” he whispers, responding to your need by rubbing circles on your back. “That’s why I want you to relax today.”“But I have classes today, I—“ you immediately panic, as if suddenly remembering the many things you had to do. “I can’t miss!” Frantic, you want to run towards the door, but he stops you by the wrist. “Let me go, I have to–!”“[name] listen to me—““NO!” you snap at him, looking crazed up in your stinky clothes, messy hair and tired eyes. But he doesn’t flinch, doesn’t even look at you weirdly. He looks at you with more love than you’d ever seen him; and he feels the need to protect you. Take care of you. Pamper you; because you deserve it. “I don’t want to miss school!” you hold his hand, digging your nails into his hand, but he doesn’t react. “I can’t afford to get sick! I don’t want to get sick, to miss any class! I have so much homework, you have no idea, George! The teachers—they’re insane!” you laugh dryly, but he’s still listening, rubbing his thumb over your hand. “They give us homework all the fucking time, I’m sick of it. I have so many damn projects and due dates and it’s driving me crazy! I don’t think I’ll be able to finish them all…” your voice breaks, hot tears running down your cheeks, finally letting it all out in front of him. He watches. “I have to keep going or else I won’t…I won’t pass, I’ll end up a failure, I can’t afford to be a failure…Please…” you feel your body go limp after a violent shudder, but you had to stay strong, prepared for another stressful day. “Just let me go to school…I have to finish them all today.”“You can’t go to school today, you’re obviously feeling unwell,” he finally says after a pause.“You can’t stop me, George! I—““[name], it’s Saturday.”You stop, thinking it through a little better. And finally figure it out that indeed, today is Saturday. Friday was always the worst day at school and yesterday was the last straw. You fell apart, lost your mind, threw everything away…Your deadlines were looming behind you but—you didn’t have any strength left to finish them. At least not today. Taking a deep breath, you don’t know what planet you’re from. Your legs feel weak and you crumble, but he holds you, supports you. “Is th-that so…?” You sigh, feeling feverish.He kneels in front of you, getting rather worried. He puts his palm on your forehead and he immediately retracts it. “You’re burning up.” And this moves him into action. He helps you up, “Come on, let’s get you fixed” and you blindly listen, unsure of what was going on. He guides you to the bathroom, but you’re feeling light-headed. You hear the water of the shower turning on, his deft fingers peeling of the dirty clothes off of you, clumping them in a heap and putting them into the basket. You don’t mind him seeing you naked as he has seen the whole of you a long time before—and many more times. You watch him as he is carefully taking care of you, as he encourages you to get into the hot jet of water. It hits your skin with intensity and you shudder at the contact, tilting your head to meet the drops of water. Your stiff body relaxes all of a sudden, your hand still holding his.You hear him like in a dream “Why don’t you take a shower while I prepare some food for you?”“Stay with me….” You whimper, turning your head slightly towards your boyfriend. He only smiles and lifts your hand to kiss it.“I wish I could, but you’re hungry, aren’t you?” You want to protest, say that you aren’t, but just on cue, your stomach growls. You blush, embarrassed. He only laughs “See? You can take care of yourself, no?” You nod and, with one last kiss, he leaves, the door open. “Shout in case you want anything.”‘I want you’, but you don’t say it out loud. You only focus on the shower and the calming effect it has on you. Your body relaxes and you close your eyes, the water warming you up. You stay there until you feel dizzy, until you feel that the hunger was too much. And you start cleaning yourself up, using Joji’s shower gel because his fragrance was delicious—and you feel so much better when you turn off the water. Cleaner, fresher—but at the same time, sleepier. You see that there was a fresh batch of clothes on the sink and you wondered when did that happened, as you didn’t hear him at all. No matter—it was one of your favourite hoodies of his and you quickly slip it on, covering everything that needed to be covered. You hobble out of the bathroom and follow the sweet smell of pancakes into the kitchen.You stop in the doorway, leaning against it and watching with a fond smile on your lips the way Joji flipped pancakes—clad in loose clothes and those grey sweatpants he wore in some of his videos. You can’t help but giggle at the expert way with which he handled them; his food was damn delicious.“Hey!” of course he hears you immediately, and he turns to smile at you. “Feeling better?”“Yeah,” you yawn as you go to the table, sitting down on it cross-legged. You notice a steaming cup of tea and some pills next to it. “These are for…?”“Your cold,” Joji finishes with the last pancake and brings the whole plate over. “Take them, you’ll feel better.”“Thank you…” you nod and do as instructed, loving the way the warm fruity tea warmed your throat and your whole body.He smiles at you thanks then pushes the plate with the treats in front of you, alongside with your favourite syrups. “Dig in.”And you do, wolfishly eating them all without even thinking about sharing some with Joji. You were too hungry and in need to stop and you only realize when you’re finished. Blushing, you apologize, but he doesn’t mind, of course. He waves it off, preferring to stare at you with his chin in his palm. “Feeling better?” he finally asks and you nod, some syrup stuck in the corners of your mouth. He chuckles, much to your confusion, and grabs a napkin, leaning against the table and cleaning your mouth off. You blush at this action—but you love his touch nonetheless. “I’ll help you with your homework, ok? We’ll do all of this together, we’ll make it in time, you hear me?” he finally says, having the most trustful smile you ever saw on everyone. You blush even more, slightly worried “But what about your Frank videos?”“They can wait. Today’s your day, it’s only about you.” And you know he was speaking the truth. You felt rather sorry for keeping him away from his job, but at the same time, you were needy. You wanted the attention, you wanted to relax and forget how many problems you had at the moment. You had a little bit more time to finish it all…“Come on,” he offers you his hand and you take it, asking him if he was going to clean the dishes. But he doesn’t care about them. He guides you towards the couch, making you lean on it on your stomach. Curious, you feel him straddling your waist, standing on your butt; but it was nothing sexual. You knew what was coming.“Are you going to give me a ‘Joji’s special massage’?” you laugh, making yourself comfortable and closing your eyes as soon as his hands started rubbing your shoulders. He was moulding your skin, so god-like, and you feel every muscle in your back relaxing.“Feeling good?” he asks you, and you hum as a response. He chuckles at your reaction, leaning in towards your ear and whispering “That’s what I wanted. I want you to feel good today, ok? Relax, dream…think of me what you want…” He suddenly hears you breathing softly and backs a bit, confused. “[name], are you listening to me?”But you’re sound asleep. And Joji smiles happily, hopping off of you carefully to bring a blanket for you. At least he managed to make you relax a bit; because you had a bright and serene smile on your face as you were sleeping. And he was sure it was because of him.“Love you.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
His scent was intoxicating—and he has you under his spell in mere seconds. You can’t resist it; and you don’t want to. He only needs to glance at you and you know that you want to have him right then and there.
And he sees—he always does. He smirks, teasing you from across the room. Why did you agree to come to this party? You weren’t popular in the first place: just the plain old Jane from the block, ready to mingle but still single. Not as if you could afford to have a boyfriend. Your mother wouldn’t allow it. She never did, always over analysed things and you end up listening to her. Reluctantly. Your partner had to be really something special to impress her, but tonight you weren’t aiming to impress her.
Because Joji Miller was another story. He was attractive, confident (at least on the surface) and everything you wanted. A rebel, someone that could pull you out of this ordinary routine you’ve settled in. You saw in him the freedom you sought. So you couldn’t just pass him—you fell in love, despite your mother’s warning.
Joji taught you to be a little more rebellious; and how fine and normal that was. Ever since he caught you pleasuring yourself in the empty classroom, he hasn’t left you alone. Because you couldn’t afford to do it at home—your rather conservative mother would hear and you’d never hear the end of it.
‘What did I tell you about masturbation, dear!?’ and she’ll start on ranting, telling you the same thing that she used to—the same routine. You stopped caring, stopped listening, shut down your mind and pretended you were interested. Nodded from time to time as she yelled and screamed and thrashed your room in search for other means of pleasuring yourself. ‘Where are those damn—‘ she can’t even say it: toys. What was so hard?
Toys. Dildos. And many more that you couldn’t own, afraid that she might sniff you out. Not even porn; you were left only with your imagination and the possibilities.
But she couldn’t keep a hold of you forever, couldn’t possibly follow you at school. And you find your perfect place, the perfect moment you could explore yourself without anyone ever knowing, to get to experience the orgasm and the way your body could react. Never went farther than that. You were scared of the actual act. And it wasn’t as if anyone would look at you, the nerd that dressed too casually, with long skirts and plain shirts.
Joji did. He saw you in your most private of moments and you half expected him to tell everyone. He didn’t. “I thought you weren’t into sex,” he simply said, closing the door and watching you cover yourself with an interested gaze.
“A girl has her needs!” you protested as he took steps closer to you, arriving in front of you. You gulped, afraid of what he had to say.
The boy leans over, playing with a strand of your loose hair. “And what does this girl need?”
You.
It wasn’t a secret that you somehow fancied him. And this was thrilling, finding you out like this. It gave you tingles, awaiting his reaction…
“A lot.”
Finally, the corners of his mouth twitch upwards “Stick with me and I can teach you.”
“[name].”
And he’s—
He’s kissing you roughly, dominating, forgetting for a second that he was supposed to take it easy. You back away from the force, but still keeping—or at least, trying—with his incredible pace. It wasn’t as if you had any experience in actual kissing. What you read on the Internet was far from reality—a lot better. You moan in need as he grabs your face to keep your head steady, moving his mouth with your, but you’re both not in synch at all. You kiss and move, but your teeth are getting in the way and you do more damage than pleasure. Things go worse when he takes advantage of your confused state to shove his tongue into your mouth, all too eager to have you to give a shit.
Alcohol. The party downstairs, the music still audible through the walls despite being upstairs, despite knowing that anyone could enter and interrupt…
It all led to this moment. And you have been asking for it, craved for the touch and pleasure that only Joji could give you. You were ready—or so you believed. You wanted to experiment, free yourself from your mother’s influence and never fear her again.
“It’s your body, your rules,” Joji persuaded you just moments ago and you were trapped, you knew. He took your hand and you followed blindly, going up the stairs as the colourful lights dances across Joji’s face, turning that smile of his into the devil’s work.
But you liked it. Damn him, you so fucking liked it.
When you felt the intruding appendage invading your mouth, you panicked. This was a whole new level of kissing and it frightened you—and, in your haste, you bit his tongue. He cried out, breaking the kiss to nurse his mouth.“Oh, I’m so so sorry, Joji!” you start, unsure where to touch him and how to help him. You couldn’t, that was sure.But he lifts his head and gives you a pained smiled—but he didn’t look mad. “Guess I rushed you too much, huh? My bad, I didn’t mean to.” He sounds innocent enough, but he suddenly stands up, grabs you by the shoulder and drives you backwards. “Wha—“ you want to cry out but your words die down as you hit the wooden edge of whoever was hosting this party’s bed. You certainly scream, though, as he pushes you down on the bed and you fall between the soft covers with a distressed yelp. He quickly follows suite, climbing on top of you and leaving you no room to escape.“Joji…?” you squeak, not entirely prepared for the next step, but still craving it.He chuckles “You look so darn cute with your big innocent eyes…” he dips down and captures your lips, gentler this time. “But you’re not so innocent, aren’t you?”“Oh, Joji…” you moan as he starts kissing down your jawline, moving onto your neck, sucking onto the skin, searching. Your hands shot up, tangling themselves into his hair, knitting at it as if you were a cat. It only entices him to go further, finding your weakest spot and nibbling at it, sucking and licking until you’re a panting mess. It felt so damn good and when he bit the skin—oh, bliss. “Joj—i.”“Yes?” he chuckles, lifting up his head to look at you. But you can’t say anything, taken aback by how ravishing he looked. Seeing that you were too enthralled by his presence to react, he chuckles again and tugs at your shirt. “Ready to take it off?”You want to say ‘no’, but you’re too weak to protest and you lift your arms over your head to help him take off your shirt. You feel exposed, but you were glad that that ugly shirt was off of you. You were left in your rather lewd bra—the only thing that you managed to hide from your mother, a new acquisition of yours, just for this one special moment. He lets out a low whistle in admiration and you feel your cheeks getting hot.“What?” you ask, defensive-like, almost wanting to cover your chest.“Nooothing,” he sings out and with one little ‘click’, your bra comes off. You gasp in shock, not having realized that his hand was onto your back.“HEY!” you protest, wanting to grab your bra, but he’s faster and takes it away, throwing it across the room, never to be seen again. “What are you doing?!” you manage, though, to cover yourself with one arm, not letting him see. But of course he did—and he smiles warmly, lowering your defences.“What am I supposed to do?” he chuckles, starting once again to kiss your neck, then collarbones, keeping you occupied. His hand grabs your wrist, slowly and unknowingly pulling your hand away.He somehow relaxes you and you decide to trust him—he was going to see you whole later anyway, so why hide from him? He can’t say anything bad…And he stops from his kissing all of a sudden, staring down at you with seemingly no reaction.You blush, wanting to just cover yourself up and cross this off as a mistake. “Are you just going to stare at them?!”He seems to snap out of his reverie and smile sheepishly “Woah, damn,” he lets out an appreciative whistle, staring at your chest with wide hungry eyes. “I didn’t know you were hiding something like this underneath, darling.” You don’t know what to say and he doesn’t even wait for you to come up with a witty remark. He doesn’t care. He starts kissing down your collarbones and chest, reaching your breast and licking the rigid nub, his hand kneading the other one. You immediately moan and arch your back at his touch, giving him more access, pulling his hair tightly. His free hand go downwards, to the waist of your long skirt, and he slowly and carefully pulls it down. You don’t protest this time, too hot and bothered over his touches, and he manages to take off the piece of clothing, having the same fate as your shirt.“You’re already so wet for me, hmm?” he hums in agreement as he rubs his fingers against your panties, near your opening. “You’ve been waiting a long time, didn’t you?”“Shut up—ah~” you moan, tossing your head back, and Joji takes the opportunity to slip off your panties too. You’re left exposed and you shuddered—suddenly aware of where this was going. Reality hit you hard, but you couldn’t back out now. Your core was throbbing with want, even if the claws of fear took grip of your heart. You felt his fingers starting to rub your clit, sending pleasure waves inside your body. You want to close your legs, but he pulls them apart, kissing your lips as a distraction. When he slips his digits into you, you gasp, even if it doesn’t hurt. But the foreign feeling of being invaded feels weird, but pleasurable.‘Oh, what am I doing?! What would my mother say?’
Fuck your mother. Focus on the present.
“Ugh…” he suddenly groans with need, grinding a bit against your leg. He lifts his head, looks at you and you gulp—it was time. He couldn’t contain himself any longer. “I want you, [name].”“Joj—“ you watch undefended as he stands up a bit and unbuttons his pants; you stand up on your elbows, as he pulls them down, followed suite by his underpants. His member, now let out from its confines, stood out in all its glory in front of you. Your mouth opens wide in fear, your heart starting to beat faster, blushing madly. “P-Put that away!” you can’t help but cry comically, covering your eyes in embarrassment.“Don’t you like it?” he laughs, not offended at all by your reaction. He actually finds it adorable.“It’s not as if I have something to compare it to!”“Come on,” he gently grabs you by the wrists, pulling your hands away and you comply, though you still don’t look at it. “Look, [name].”And you do; you look and damn—“It’s so big! Will it fit?!”“Of course it will.”“B-But…” you sigh, trembling in fear. You look down at yourself, at your naked body. What are you doing, [name]? “It’ll hurt like hell, won’t it? I-I don’t want that…I thought that it would be easier but…” you look into his eyes. “I’m afraid, Joji…”“Wait…” he shakes his head then grabs your face, holding it close, suddenly turning serious. “Are you afraid of sex?”“Of-Of penetration, more accurately…I heard it hurt a lot and I-I don’t know…I’m suddenly afraid, I thought that I was ready, that I could do this but…” you start crying without you wanting and he immediately is kissing your tears away, whispering sweet nothings to calm you down.“Babe, babe, please relax, it’s not that bad.”“Yes it is! You guys just don’t care about it and—““I promise you this, [name],” he says seriously, “that I won’t rush you. I don’t want to cause you harm. I’ll be gentle—““No—““—I know what I’m doing. You just need to tell me how you’re feeling constantly so I won’t hurt you more. Communication is key. I’ll be slow and gentle, don’t worry. It’s just a first time thing, until you get used to it all, there’s nothing to be afraid of. It’s only natural.” He grabs your face and looks you seriously in the eyes “And I’m not like other boys. I care about you, [name], and I don’t want you to have a bad time with me.” And you have to believe him.“But…” you sniff, your tears stopping but still afraid of everything. “My mother told me it can cause bleeding and—““You will bleed a bit, but that’s normal.” Joji kisses your forehead and his voice tones down, calmly. “You’ll just have to be a brave girl and embrace it. I’m here for you.” He kisses you again, on your nose. “And if you want to stop, I’ll understand, don’t worry about it.” Finally, he captures your lips. “I want this to be an enjoyable experience for you, trust me.” His words manage to make you smile and he’s happy to see that. “Besides, you have the best partner in the world, I’ll tell you that, you’re fucking fortunate.”And you laugh, your body relaxing “I’ll believe it when I see it.”“So? You wish to go on?” You nod, albeit hesitantly, and he kisses you slowly one more time on the lips before he takes the position near you. You grip his shoulders tight, still slightly afraid, as you felt his tip near your entrance. He glances at you one more time, grabbing you by the thighs to keep you steady. He looks serious about you… “Ready? Tell me what you’re feeling, don’t be afraid about it.”You nod again and it starts. Slowly but surely, he enters you, stretching you and an immeasurable pain shot through your body. You gasp loudly, your vision blackening a bit from the pain, your breath stopping.“[name], are you ok?”“St-Stop…” you manage to say and he does, leaning over to kiss you.“Relax, babe, relax…Breathe in, breathe out…” he instructs calmly, and you do as he tells you, trying hard to relax and push away the foreign feeling of someone being inside you. He distracts you by kissing you and whispering encouraging words as he keeps on pressing further slowly, until the pain gets slightly more bearable.“I’m in…” he finally tells you and you let out the air in your lungs, taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm your heartbeats. You feel the pain slightly subsiding, gotten used to him by now, after so many longs moments. “How are you feeling?”“Like I just gave birth,” you say through gritted teeth, but manage to smile at his laughter. “Is it over?”“It can only get better from here. The worst part is over.” He rubs your thighs, moving a bit inside of you—this time, you don’t wince in pain and instead, squeak in surprise at the slight pleasure you felt through all that pain.“Oh.”“See?” he chuckles, testing the waters a little bit. “You’re ready for it now, babe? We’ll take it slow…”You can only nod, feeling happy that it was Joji to comfort you and guide you in your sexual life, to open the gates for you. You manage a small smile at him—your trembling has stopped.
You were finally ready.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Babe,” Joji says to you, watching you from the kitchen. “You look like shit.”You lift up your head after untying your shoes—and glare at him. “Thank you for the compliment, honey.” You respond sarcastically, not in the mood for Joji’s shit. You stand up, throw your bag roughly on the floor, uncaring of the stuff inside it. You take off your coat and put it messily on the rack—you don’t even care that it fell to the floor, as you’re already moving towards the living room.“Something happened?” your lover asks you, watching you warily as you jump onto the couch, face stuffed into a pillow. And obviously not in the mood to talk as your back is facing him. But he doesn’t take your annoyed grunt as a sign to back off: in fact, he can’t leave you alone. He needs to know in order to make you feel better. “Hey, babe.” Joji starts poking your head to make you attentive. “Talk to me.”“Go away…” you growl as a response.“Nope.” You swat at his hand, and he stops. “Had a shitty day?”“You think?!” you bark at him and glare at him, huffing deeply in indignation. Joji raises his hand in defence, as if you were some kind of wild animal.“I only want to help you, alright?”You regard him with a chill gaze, calculating your chances and options. He waits, his expression telling you that he was going to do whatever you wanted to make you feel better again. “Fine,” you finally say, throwing the pillow in his direction: which he catches, of course. He was known for his quick reactions. “Then how about we take a hot bath together?” Your suggestion has him smirking instantly; he knows exactly what you were thinking about. “Give me a lil’ old Joji massage, hmm?”“If that’ll help you relax…” Joji snaps his fingers as if he was some kind a servant of your and you were the queen. In this case, you probably were—and you found out you didn’t dislike it at all. “I can’t say no.”“Then go already!” you command and he listens with a chuckle, disappearing into your shared bathroom. Sighing, you fall onto your side on the couch, staring blankly into nothing and replaying the stupid stuff that happened today at school. And totally ruined your mood—such as a classmate of yours that spilled coffee on you right before your important presentation. You’ve never felt more embarrassed as you presented, in front of the whole class—god, it was so awful. ‘Why couldn’t that bitch be more careful? I never performed more poorly than today!’ Plus, the teacher gave you extra homework that you had to take care of this weekend; and you just wanted to spend the weekend lazing around, cuddling with your Asian boyfriend—!‘Seems like that that’s not possible anymore…’“Babe? Are you sleeping?” He wakes you up gently, rocking you by the shoulder. You wake up with a start, blinking to clear your vision.“Fuck, when did I fell aslee—Oh.” Your sleep goes away as quickly as it came as you eyes your lover up and down: he decided to come wake you up shirtless, and with just a towel wrapped around his torso. It wasn’t as if you hadn’t seen him naked before, but it was always a treat for your eyes. He was just so well done, all of those muscles and those yummy abs you liked to lick and touch. There wasn’t a thing you didn’t like about Joji. And you most certainly adored his tummy fuzz that went down into that ‘danger’ zone—and UGH, that V-line…“Like what you see?” he asks, wiggling his hips a bit as a provocation, his towel sliding down a little bit.You gulped in hunger, but you kept your composure and tried your best to be as seductive as possible. “Hello, handsome. Is the bath ready?” you ask, using your most passionate voice. Obviously trying to seduce your little Asian boyfriend.“It sure is,” he laughs a little at your attempt and extends his hand in front of you. You take it gingerly and he pulls you up, falling straight into his arms. “Already fallen for me, babe?” he smirks as your palms feel his skin, his chest.“A long time ago, silly,” you laugh and he pulls you towards the bathroom. It was steaming inside already, and the air felt hot, the bathtub filled to the brim almost, rose petals dancing in the water. “Where did you get those petals, Joj?”He smirked mischievously, turning his head to face you, being a little bit ahead of you. “I had them, just in case.”You raised an eyebrow, amused. “Where are you hiding them?”“That’s a secret, duh.” And before you could inquire more about it, he distracts you by letting the towel fall off of him. You can’t help but let out an appreciative whistle at the sight of his chiselled buttocks, which makes him grin rather embarrassed. He shakes it as he walks towards the bathtub and hops in, uncaring of the fact that the water was probably very hot. You watch him sinking in, letting out a very sexual sigh as he gets adjusted to the temperature—but soon relaxes and spreads out into the entire bathtub.You chuckle “Leave some space for me too!”He opens his eyes to look at you, resting his arms on the sides of the tub, a lazy smile adorning his lips “There’s plenty of space.” Joji points with his head towards the empty place between his legs. And it makes you laugh. He clicks his tongue to make you stop and says “Hurry up and come in. Weren’t you the one who wanted this?”“It’s more entertaining to watch you, to be honest,” but, as you say that, you start to strip of your clothes, ever so slowly. “Your flushed cheeks—“ with each word, you took off one more item of your clothing. “—your rapid breathing, your already damp hair, the way your skin is sweaty…” You stand there in only your underwear, harbouring a very lustful expression, meant to entice Joji—if he wasn’t already aroused by the sight of you almost naked.“I’m hooked,” he tells you as you unhook your bra and let it slip on the ground. He watches in admiration the curve of your breasts, then his gaze is distracted by your hands moving downwards, to the elastic of your panties, as you pulled them down your legs sensually. A tremor passes throughout your body at the slight chill, but you quickly ignore it and test the water with your leg. It was hot but it doesn’t stop you from entering: you just wanted to be close to Joji.“Come in…” he helps you and soon, you’re settled between his legs, trapped by his arms around your body, pressed to his chest. You let out a dreamy exhalation, as you rest your head against his shoulder, your body completely relaxing. “You’re melting.” Joji laughs at your dream like state, pressing kiss against your neck. You like it and give him more access, giving him a hum for encouragement, that you were gladly accepting his kisses. He continues to do so, his beard slightly scratching your skin, but you adored that—it was something that enticed you further. His palms roam over your chest and stomach and thighs, making you squirm under his touch. Soon, he has you moaning and begging him to have you, just because he knows what to do to turn you on. And he was equally eager, judging by the hardness poking at your back, Joji rubbing himself against you in search of release.“What do you want, baby?” he whispers in your ear, his hands purposely not touching you where you ached so badly.“Fuck me.”He chuckles at the need in your voice “Your wish is my command…” and with ease, he lifts you up in the air, stirring the water around you, and you help him by guiding his cock around to your entrance. You slip in fairly easily, due to the water and the natural lubrication (as you were wet enough and moist already). You let out a breathy moan as you take a few seconds to adjust to his length and the feeling of him inside you. He groans into your ear, then he asks you if you were ready. You nod and he immediately starts to move inside of you, at a rather slow pace at first.Joji quickly finds your weak spot and he has you a moaning and panting mess in seconds. “Oh-oh, ah, fuck yeah, there…”“You like it, baby?” he bites the lobe of your ear and you shudder.“Go-faster…” you manage to say, closing your eyes in bliss; and he listens to you. His pace increases as well as the tremors in the water, creating violent ripples from the thrusting.As the pleasure increased, you grabbed onto the edge of the tub, feeling the water overflowing with each movement. You didn’t care if a lake formed around the tub that you knew you had to clean later—all that mattered was the feeling of Joji inside you.“What do you want, [name]?” he asks you again, biting your shoulder roughly.“M-m-moree ah…” Once again, he listens to your instructions and goes a little bit more frantic, his movements not as calculated as before, but still hitting where he’s supposed to. He holds you tight, holds you good, nails digging into your waist and probably leaving bruises. His lips are ravaging your skin, kissing wherever he could—over-stimulating you as one of his hand moves upwards to your breasts. He pinches your nipple with his fingers, pulling and definitely creating some more pleasure. You grip the tub, tossed your head back as you felt yourself coming closer to your peak; he was that good—or you were just that tiredBut you come off our high with a loud “Joji god!!” that has him smirking, thrusting into you some more and you letting him. Until he can come too—it doesn’t take long, obviously aroused by your sight of coming undone. He comes into you and you feel him inside, letting him do what he wants, then pulling out of you with a small lift. He pants hard into your ear, then, when he finishes, he rests his forehead onto your shoulder. You soothe him by petting his hand, chest rising heavily up and down.“You ok?” you ask him with a lazy giggle.“MMmhmmm…” he murmurs, kissing the side of your neck. “You’re always so wonderful…”“Thank you, Joji…for everything.”“You feeling more relaxed?”“A ton.” You smile happily, cuddling into him and closing your eyes, sleepily. “I love you…”“I love you too, babe,” he sniffs your hair, nuzzling his nose into it, arms tightening around your form and pulling you close. Then, you stay there…in comfort…Until…you finally relax.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
One, two, three, four….
“Baby.”Hearing his sweet, melodic voice makes you smile brightly—but it was a shame that you couldn’t show it to him in person. Over the phone, your conversations always felt impersonal, but it was all that you two had at the moment and somehow, that made the pain more tolerable.“Baby..?” You don’t answer to his call and he gets worried. Joji wants to hear your voice, so badly. He never hears it too often; he always craved for more of you than he could reach or have. So he treasured these moments, treasured every picture he had with you, treasured the moments when he could call you and hear your sweet innocent voice…“Hello, George,” you finally say, making yourself comfortable on the armchair, a blanket on top of you to keep yourself warm. You knew that the conversation with Joji is going to last long, as neither could interrupt the connection that you had. If you start to talk, you’re never going to stop.
And that was the only way you liked it.
“Hi, babe. I thought you didn’t want to speak with me,” he laughs, laying down on the bed and staring at the ceiling with a soft smile on his lips.You gasped then giggled “How can you say such a thing?!”
“Sorry.”
And so, you two started talking like there was no tomorrow, like there was no time stopping you. You talked about everything, various topics that you two shared and you gossiped about Joji’s friends. Filling each other about your lives until you ran out of subjects—silence eventually settled between the two of you, but it wasn’t an awkward silence. It was a comfortable one, both content with just listening to the other breathe softly into the speaker. You close your eyes, listening to the small sounds around you and feeling like just going to sleep. But you couldn’t afford to do that…“Is it night where you at?” Joji asks softly after some time, and you turn your head lazily to glance out the window—you didn’t even realize how long have you been talking. It was dark outside and probably already so late; but you don’t care. So what if you have to wake up early in the morning? If it meant you spend more time with your lover than usual, you were ready to sacrifice your precious sleep for him. You were willing to do anything because there was no way to…see him anymore, he was always away from you with no chance of…‘No. Please, don’t think about this, [name], don’t make it worse.’ However, there was an intense sadness whenever you spoke with Joji over the phone: because you missed him more than ever. It always seemed to turn like this, you thinking about wanting to see his face, to touch him and feel that he was real and not just a sweet dream. To make love to him until the morning, to kiss him, feel is own lips against yours—to hear him moan, to hear him live because you were sure that his voice was more pleasurable than on the phone…You shuddered, feeling yourself tearing up and your heart clenching…
It hurt. It hurt so bad not to see him everyday—but you cared too much about Joji to break it off and stop the suffering. You keep on hoping that one day…one day you’ll move together—sometimes, you’d talk about this, meet in the middle and live together.
Until then, though…“I wish you were here…” you sniff, letting your pent-up feelings out without wanting to. But it was too late to back away now, as your soft whisper is heard about Joji. But he doesn’t know what to say. “I never see you.”
I never see you, I never see you, I never see you
Anymore…
And just because of these words, you break down, letting all your emotions go free. And you cry with him hearing it and he’s surprised—he’s never seen you at your weakest point and he doesn’t know what to do. He’s angered at himself for not being able to be by your side in these moments and he sometimes hates that he has to dedicate himself to work all the time. And never giving you the affection you needed. He listens to you crying, at a loss and feeling his own heart breaking; but if he’s also crying, it would only complicate things.
So he has to man up and mend your heartache.
“I’m so sorry, Joji,” you say, wiping your tears with the back of your free hand, then clutching the blanket he gave you closer to your body. You sniffed it—then felt like crying once more as the pregnant smell of him started to fade away. You couldn’t have him closer to you anymore, that little tiny part of heaven that could comfort you. “Dammit…I’m—I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to be emotional today, but…”And he finally regains his voice, standing up from his position and concentrating on only you. His voice turns serious, wanting to make this right, wanting to just board a plane and come to you. Hold you tight and never let you go—fuck responsibilities. He wanted to see you smile, to dry your tears with his kisses, to make you feel happy again.“Baby,” he starts, using the pet name that was so endearing to you…Baby. Only Joji could call you that with such a passion that stirred all the emotions inside of you. “Can you be a little stronger?”You calm yourself down a bit as you hear him starting to comfort you. At least he cared enough to try. “I can try…”“Cause I need a little longer before I can…” he takes a deep breath, suddenly coming to a conclusion. He felt determined, his brain starting to plan it all…A surprise, maybe? You were surely going to enjoy it. Him too. “Hmm?” you question, but he tells you it’s nothing.“I don’t want you to cry about this anymore. I miss you too, you know that. I miss you sooo much, baby…”“I miss you more!” you manage to laugh a little.He laughs too, glad to hear that you still have the power to do so. “That’s not true, I miss you like there’s no tomorrow. I feel like I’m being crushed by the fact that you’re not here with me…”“Me too..”He sighs deeply, relaxing his body a bit. “You’re an earthly comfort, yet so divine…”Cheeks getting red from the words, heart skipping a beat—you answer, bitter-sweet: “I never see you anymore, though…”“Yet so divine you are, [name], for forgiving me so…” he continues, sighing deeply. “I promise I’ll make it up to you. We’ll see each other again, we’re going to be together. I’ll come to you.”And you believe him. “Ok…” you say softly.
I never see you, anymore.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Why are you ignoring me?!”You stop in your tracks, surprised to see Joji here. Your eyes are wide and you feel the anger rising back up into you again. You had tried to forget what has happened in the morning between the two of you, when Joji has snapped at you for whatever reason; but seems like he had the brilliant idea to haunt you. It wasn’t your fault that he has stayed up all night and hadn’t slept a minute; you didn’t put him to it! In fact, you told him to stop and get some rest, but he only shooed you away rudely. This has happened so many times that you honestly got sick of his shit—so you left him alone. Joji was to blame for his mood and he had no right to yell at you if you slightly burnt his eggs in the morning. You wanted to forgive him, but instead, you had had enough. ‘I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU ALL DAY!’ and with that, you left for school.You didn’t anticipate that he’d come after you at your college and demand you forgive him. Well, not exactly demand, but…Here he was, your boyfriend, handing you a big bouquet of your favourite flowers and smiling; as if you could just forget all of that with just some stupid flowers. You needed more than just an apology with words: you needed actions, to see that he will change his ways and that he’s not going to treat you like shit anymore just because he’s busy.“Finally, you turned!” Joji catches you on the corridor, in front of all these people who were slowing down just to watch you. “Why didn’t you stop when I called you? I know you heard me.”“Because I didn’t want to. Didn’t you hear me this morning? I told you to leave me alone today.” Crossing your arms, you tried hard not to leave him standing there like a fool because this—this was embarrassing.“I couldn’t just leave you alone!” he shoves the bouquet in front of you but you do nothing to take them. “Aww, come on…” he rolls his eyes.“You’re not supposed to say that. Aren’t you here to apologize to me?”“I am! And I’m sorry for snapping at you, you know how I get when I didn’t sleep.” And true enough, he had big black bags under his eyes. He still looked attractive, though, shush.“You should’ve slept instead of coming here. I would’ve calmed down on my own.”Joji blinked, confused—then felt the anger coming to him. He just wanted to throw the flowers he bought you in your face, but if he did that, he had no chance of redemption ever again. And he didn’t want to ruin your relationship; still, he couldn’t help but get mad at your obstinate behaviour. He was at his wits end with all the deadlines he had to fulfil and the only thing he wanted was to patch things up with you. “So, this is not good either? You told me that I don’t do enough and when I do, I shouldn’t have?!” he snaps and it only fuels your own anger.“Why can’t you read the mood, Joji? I don’t want words or fucking flowers when you want to apologize!”“Then what do you want?!”People were staring but at this point, you didn’t care too much. “I want you to change the way you’re talking to me! I’ve had enough of you treating me like shit just because you’re feeling like shit! I’ve been there for you all this time and I want you to rely on me but noooo…You just push me away as if it’s my fault you feel that way. I’ve been patient with you, but I’ve had enough! When you’re going to change your behaviour and apologize sincerely, then I’ll accept your stupid flowers!” and to emphasize your point, you snatched the bouquet from his hands and threw it in his face.Joji stands there dumbfounded for a few seconds, the flowers falling at his feet—he doesn’t know how to react, he’s petrified. He only reacts when you stick your tongue out at him—and something primal awakens inside of him at that. He’s mad, that’s for sure; and he knew you were only provoking him to prove a point. Because this anger, this fight, turned you on as much as it turned him on. All of his pent-up frustration came surfacing and it burst the calm bubble he tried to keep. You saw the change in his look, growing intense—and it sent shivers down your spine. Before you could turn around on your heels and run away from him, he grabs your wrists roughly. “Come with me,” he simply says and starts dragging you away from the crowd.“OW! What the fuck, Joji, let me go!” you struggle, but he only tightened his grip on you until it started to become painful. “Where are you taking me?!” Somehow, you started to grow afraid: what if he had in mind to hurt you in any way? You’ve never seen this side of Joji—and it was totally arousing. You never knew he had such attractive aggressiveness inside of him.He doesn’t answer and instead opens a random door that lead inside a cramped janitor’s closet. He shoves you inside and before you could ask what the fuck he was doing, he closes the door and pounces on you. It’s dark, but your sensations are accentuated tenfold: you feel his lips onto you, kissing you roughly and attacking your mouth as if his life depended on it. Not wanting to lose to him, you kiss him back with the same intensity; but this time, you can’t keep up with his neediness. He pins your arms above your head and drives you against the wall through all the cleaning instruments. Some crash on the floor, but neither of you care: you’re completely focused onto each other and at the sensations created between.“You like teasing me, huh?” he whispers through kisses in a low growl. “You enjoy making me mad, don’t you?”“N-No, I’m being serious here!” you try to protest between the way he was biting your lower lip, drawing blood. “I didn’t—I didn’t—AH!” you can’t help but moan at the way his hands roamed all over your body possessively. It doesn’t take long for him to unbutton your pants and pull them down, despite you resisting. He was too strong for you and it’s not like you minded. Whatever he was doing—sucking on your neck, cold hands going under your shirt—he was doing it right. It aroused you and when his fingers creep inside your pants, he acknowledges it.“You got so wet after just this…?” Through the dim lights coming from underneath the door, you saw him smirk widely, thoroughly enjoying this. “You did this on purpose? No…” he bites the lobe of your ear, making you moan his name in the need you felt. Your hands made their way into his hair, pulling hardly just to make him mad. It only enticed him, to be honest; he liked it. “You enjoy seeing me mad…Do you have a kink for it?”“As if!” You retort, though weak.“You need to be punished for doing this.”“And YOU need to apologize first for acting like a fucking douchebag!” It was your turn to snap, biting his lip in return.He growls lowly, annoyed. “I’m really sorry, [name]…”“Doesn’t sound convincing—“ without waiting for you to finish, he suddenly flips you around, pressing your face against the cold wall. His hands grip you waist, rubbing his junk against your butt. Your immediate reaction is to buck into him for more, arching your back and lifting your ass in the air. “What the fuck are you doing—“ He shushes you up when he literally rips your panties off of you. “Hey, that was my favourite pair!”“I’ll buy you another…” Joji whispers, too busy to get id off his own pants, the constraints that were separating you two.“You’d better! I still didn’t forgive you—““You’ll forgive me after this,” he simply slaps your ass cheeks, making you gasp—then you feel the tip of his dick prodding at your entrance.“You think that I can forgive you that—Ah…” you clench your teeth as he enters you rather easily. He groans behind you and takes a moment of respite to adjust to your cavern. “You can’t…” Pant. “..buy me that…” another pant. “…easily.” He wasn’t even moving and you were already so done.“Yes I can.” And with that ominous sounding sentence, he starts to ram himself into you, immediately hitting your sweet and juicy spot. He just knows exactly what you liked…“This is not right!” you tried to counter between the pleasure, knowing that this isn’t the right way to fix things out. “We—we can’t go on like this!”He looms over you, holding you by the hips tightly—that’s going to leave some bruises later on. You hear his ragged breath in your ear and it only stirs you, arouse you. “I promise that I’ll change. I won’t snap at you.”“LIAR!” you get lost in a long moan as he shuffles a bit his position, in the movement. The position might be uncomfortable but it was the best thing you’ve ever felt. “You’re—you’re going to yell at me again…”“No, baby.” He kisses the back of your neck. “I’m angry now…but I won’t be afterwards.” You can feel him smirk, making you gulp and sweat. The little room smelled so nastily of sex and bodily fluids—you felt nauseous. “You calm me…”“I hate you…” you said through gritted teeth, his rough and heavy pace giving you your sweet release. “F-fuck, Joji…” you moan loudly as you came from your high and, after a few more thrusts, he cums inside of you too.“I love you too, baby…” he lets out a deep breath as he finishes and he fells limply on your back; but he holds you like never wanting to let you go. “Thank you for putting up with me…”You growl at him weakly, but then sigh. “I hope to God you’re going to keep your promise.”“I will.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The whole thing started with something simple: a sneeze. Joji immediately eyed you warily from the other side of the room, but you brushed it off. ‘From the dust’ you argued, knowing how over protective Joji could get over you. He was like your mom sometimes and you didn’t like him to nag you. But nonetheless, you did not regard that sneeze as something important—until you started to sneeze some more. You tried to hide them from Joji but you could feel his gaze boring into you whenever he heard you. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction to tell you ‘TOLD YOU SO!’ But, at the end of the day, in the evening, you were starting to feel dizzy and your nose was running, plus there were those awful chills running through your body.The first signs of a cold. Great.The next day, you woke up weak—you couldn’t move from your bed and your throat was hurting so bad…You probably had a fever too, a thing that was confirmed by Joji later on. He sighed as he stood next to you on the bed, wondering what to do with you now that you were sick. You half expected him to tell you that he has been right, that walking outside in this cold in thin clothes was a bad idea—but he surprisingly kept quiet. He was worried, you could see that on his handsome expression. And it made you feel bad that you got sick and he had to take care of you. You had half in mind to tell him that he should just move on with his life and leave you to get well by yourself; but he was prompt in his decision, telling you that he was going to go and buy you medicine. You didn’t have the heart to stop him when he carefully tucked you in, making sure to put as many blankets on you as possible (at least enough to not suffocate you).With a swift kiss on your hot forehead, he tells you “Take a nap until I come back, ok?”“O-Ok…” somehow, Joji’s gentle attitude was endearing and it made you blush: you could get used to this kind of treatment all day, minus the ‘feeling shitty’ part. You nestled yourself under the covers and listened to the sounds of Joji taking his jacket—but you didn’t manage to hear him say anything else because the fever took you under and you fell asleep quick enough.Later, he woke you up and shoved some medicine into you, telling you that this was going to make you feel better. He even prepared some hot food for you and some tea, which you gladly accepted—you were grateful for it. It instantly made you feel better and his presence was a plus, making you laugh and being the ultimate ‘mother’. He took care of everything…“I’m not going to let you sleep with me tonight!” you argued, warning him to not do that. “I don’t want you to also get a cold!”Joi laughed—then kissed your forehead, staring into your eyes lovingly. “I won’t get sick.” Still, he didn’t sleep with you that night, letting you rest in order to get better. You missed his warmth but honestly, you didn’t want him to see how you sniffed your mucus away; that was disgusting, even if Joji seemed not to care that much.However…things seemed to get better the next day. You felt much better, like you’ve been refreshed. You even jumped out of the bed, singing (and scaring the shit out of Joji, who was sleeping on the couch in the next room). You’ve been that loud and Joji came inside the room, panicked by your attitude—but he doesn’t even get to ask anything since you’re on him in a second. You hug the shit out of your boyfriend, telling him how much you love him. He’s confused at first by your cheery attitude since you’ve been all down yesterday. But he’s glad that you do and he can’t help but smile at your own laugh.“Feeling better?” Joji asks when you finish spinning him around—and he finally gets a glimpse at your face. His smile instantly falls, although yours remain. “[name].”The serious tone of Joji’s voice scared you and you’re instantly panicked “What’s wrong?”He wipes something underneath your nose and his thumb comes off bloody. Your eyes widen at the sight, but somehow, you’re not fearing it. “Oh, it’s just a nosebleed, I get them oft—“ He doesn’t say anything as he simply grabs your hand and drags you out of the room, swiftly. “Woah! What are you doing, Joji?” he doesn’t answer as he starts to put on his shoes and outwear. You stand there, agitated by his behaviour, and not knowing what he wanted. “Um, Joji—““Put your shoes on, we’re going out.” He doesn’t even look at you and, judging by his tone, you knew he was serious as fuck.“But…why all of a sudden?” nonetheless, you do as he said.“We’re going to the hospital.”You freeze, confused and unsure where this was going. “But it’s not that ba—““Please, [name], we need to go, you’ve been feeling sick and you had a nosebleed right after it!” He sighs, worry swimming into his eyes, as you bend down to lace your shoes. “You’re still not feeling well, aren’t you?”“I feel fi—“ In a way, at least. Your nose was still congested and your body was feeling heavy now after that burst of energy. You sort of regretted it: that was probably the reason why you got the troublesome nosebleed in the first place.“We still need to go—hey!” He’s upon you, supporting your feeble body as you stumble forwards. You’ve been staying with your head down too much and when you suddenly stood up, you felt dizzy. You smile at him as he holds you close, but he’s only getting worried. “That’s it, we’re going whether you like it or not!” And you have nothing else to say because he’s dragging you outside the apartment and straight into a taxi. “We’re going to figure out what’s wrong with you and get you to feel well, ok?” He tells you inside as he kisses you softly on the lips.You can’t even say to him that it was probably nothing; he was just overreacting. Somehow, that was something very nice to see on Joji’s part…And that’s why you ended up in the hospital with him demanding for someone to see you immediately. He was so vehement and desperate about it that someone had to see you. You were thrown into a room and, to Joji’s dismay since the doctor didn’t allow him to the consultation. You gave him an apologetic smile; but your gaze told him that he asked for it. That he deserved it for bringing you out for nothing.‘It’s not nothing!’ Joji kept on thinking about you and the outcome—he was worried, he was pacing around the waiting room. He didn’t want to believe that there was something wrong with you and he was more surprised that he was so worked up over it. He didn’t think that you had such an impact on him…and know he realized that he loved you so much that he couldn’t live with the thought of you disappearing out of his life. As he paced around the room, almost biting his nails off from the intense feelings he was living, he thought about all of this, about his future with you. About how much you lightened up his world with your smile, with your presence and with your everything—and though he has never said it before, he knew for sure that he couldn’t wait anymore.
He had to tell you.
He hears a door opening and his head turns in that direction: his heart immediately skips a beat after seeing your face. And he’s even more worried when he sees your blank expression as you stared at an ominous looking piece of paper. He’s frozen on the spot, feeling his blood chilling inside of him as all the negative possibilities run inside his head. He can’t move for a few heavy seconds and he hates himself for not acting, knowing that he needed to be there for you in these tough moments. You lift your head, confusingly looking around for him, making you seem more lost than you actually felt.And his heart seems to break—this finally moves into action and he stomps towards you with decisiveness. Your eyes finally see him and your whole face lighted up, much to his confusion.“Hey, Joji, it seems that—“ you can’t finish because your words are muffled by his body, as his arms wrap tightly around you. You’re surprised by this sudden affection and how needy he seemed to be for your love. He clung onto you, sniffing your sweet musk of your hair and knowing that he couldn’t live without you anymore. He missed your scent, your everything… “Joji…?” you hug him back unsure, one hand resting on his back in a comforting manner. “Ha ha, something wrong?”“I love you, [name]…”“Huh?” his words take him completely by surprise and you’re stunned for a few seconds. Of course it’s shocking since he has never said it before; but then your heart melts when you feel his heart beating fast in his chest, anxiously and worried. You can’t help but chuckle at his cute behaviour. “Silly. I love you too!”He hugs you even tighter at those words and you feel him trembling slightly “So, how is it?”You decide that he had had enough of worrying about and that you shouldn’t tease him no more, so you simply say “It’s just a common cold. They’ve given me some antibiotics and—“The boy lets you go and grabs the sheet of paper to look over it. He’s scanning it thoroughly and then, after finishing reading it, he lets out a sigh of relief. “So it was nothing…” He’s never felt happier.“See? I told you so!” you laugh, smacking his forehead lightly. “Stupid…”He can only grin like a fool. “Yeah…” He takes your hand gently in his. “Let’s go home.” “Awwww, you said you love me!” you tease him later on.
Fuck. He’s never going to hear the end of it…But he doesn’t regret it one bit.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Taking a deep breath, you’re trying to calm yourself down. Through the smoky haze of the substances you two were consuming, you watch the handsome boy in front of you. It was rather dark, the purple curtains surrounding you preventing any light to come in; and successfully drowning you in the spices of the vapours around you. Your eyes start to water, not used to so much smoke—but, for Joji, you’d endure anything. You rub at your eyes, trying to get rid of the sting, yet you feel as if you’re going to lose a lot if you do that. You didn’t want to miss the sight of Joji puffing out the smoke because it was…Different? In a way…He’s already looking high, his gaze lowered to the floor and you could observe his long eyelashes that you were jealous of. Why did boys always had such beautiful natural eyelashes and girls had to struggle with different products in order to make them look nice?! It was so unfair…You slightly shake your head, trying to keep your train of thought straight. You had to concentrate on what was going on. You don’t even realize what’s happening, but it seems that he finished with his ‘round’. He is looking at you, one of his eye covered by the messy jet black haired he has, the other gazing at you with undetermined feelings. Your heart skips a beat at that and your breath stops, your body going rigid and a warm sensation spreading into your bloodstream. It’s electrifying—and you’re vaguely aware of the fact that he’s calling out your name. You can only hear the psychedelic music faintly in the background…Suddenly, a hand stands in front of you and you snap to attention. You finally hear your name being called worriedly and you make eye contact with your friend. “You alright? You’ve been spacing out…” He’s holding something else in his other hand, you now noticed: the hose of the hookah you were supposedly shared. That’s right. Today, Joji managed to get you to come smoke some hookah, despite your reluctance to do it. After all, you’ve never done and maybe it was harmful—but Joji assured you that it was fine, that there was nothing wrong with it.
And that he’ll teach you how to do it…
He promised. And he was true to his word: he showed you countless time how to do it but instead you got distracted by how he did it. How he put the mouthpiece between his lips, sucked the vapours into his body and then let it go; as if it was all second nature to him. You didn’t think…you could pull that off—you never smoked in your whole life. And you didn’t want to embarrass yourself in front of him, to show him that you weren’t paying attention to his instructions this whole time.You realize he was waiting for an answer, so you quickly grab the hose from his hand, proceeding to stare at the mouthpiece. ‘This whole thing is impressive…’ you ponder, glancing at the whole thing sitting in front of you, on the table. Joji explained in detail how the hookah worked, what parts it was composed of—his eyes lit up so passionately that you couldn’t stop him from ranting even if you find it rather uninteresting. But, as he kept on talking about it, he actually made you sort of share his passion.However, this was the moment of truth—he was patiently following you with your eyes, waiting for you to do it. “I don’t need to explain it again, no?” You can only nod, knowing that you couldn’t tell him you have been day dreaming about him for the hundredth of time. Besides, you were afraid that he was going to snap at you for being so damn persistent and a dumb head. “Then try it and tell me how it feels!” he smiles at you and you feel an incoming blush on your cheeks.“Al-Alright…” you stare at the mouthpiece—at the mouthpiece that touched Joji’s lips; and your mind goes haywire. “Isn’t this unhealthy?” you ask, not entirely sure of this.But Joji’s smile turns into a wide smirk, resting his face into his palm. He’s teasing you, you recognize this look of his. “Why are you nitpicking? Didn’t you want to kiss me?”You gasp, getting red in the face—and you’re ready to protest. “Come on, Joji, stop teasing me,” you say, bringing the mouthpiece to your lips. “Just let me do it.” ‘And stop confusing me!’ You can’t help but think about the fact that this was totally an indirect kiss. Your lips are going to touch him and hopefully, you’ll taste him too. You were dying to—and you couldn’t contain your curiosity as to how he felt like. Your hand was trembling with excitement as you finally rest the tube between your lips. There was a faint taste of fruits, so unlike Joji…You take a deep breath, sucking. “That’s it…” you immediately hear Joji say and you look up at him, seeing him looking so damn excited. You immediately imagined if his real lips would’ve felt the same way; or maybe even better. He smirks proudly. You’re encouraged by his behaviour and you feel the smoke filling your mouth cavern. You’re taken by surprise and you start coughing, letting out the whole thing in a smoky mess. Joji is immediately by your side, handing you a glass of water that you are grateful to accept. You drink greedily, swatting your other hand to dissipate the smoke in front of you. Joji’s palm rubs your back to help you ease—and when you’re feeling better, you take a deep breath. “Maybe we rushed things a bit too much.”You wipe the tears from your eyes and look at him—you notice how close he was and your body immediately tenses. “T-Tropical fruits?” you ask; that was what the taste felt like and it took you by surprise. You adored tropical fruits of all kind, whether it was sodas or shampoos. “Woah…”Joji starts to laugh, putting his arm around your shoulder and bringing you closer “You didn’t even get to have the whole taste!”Your eyes widen, sparkling in excitement. “It gets better than this?”He likes that look in your eyes and he can’t help but feel slightly turned on by it. He leans closer to you, a thing that makes your pulse quicken, and places his hand on top of yours. He brings the mouthpiece back to your lips, gently. “It sure does.” His voice is a low seductive whisper and you can feel that he’s hungry for something unknown…You had no idea why or what, but it wasn’t unpleasant.“Then…” you’re taken into the atmosphere he’s suddenly created, feeling drunk. You didn’t even get to do it properly, but you already felt that they were affecting your brain. You felt the room spinning as you stared only at Joji’s close-up face—fuck, you so wanted to kiss him. But you couldn’t; at least not yet.He grips your shoulder tightly, as if to warn you, leaning against your ear and whispering “How about we try again?” Low and seductive—it was turning you on. “I’ll make sure to teach you everything there is to know…”You shudder. You couldn’t wait.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
He was…irritated, to say the least. It was more than that, a nagging feeling in his chest that ached the more he stared. He felt an unreasonable anger growing inside of him and he was getting restless, the intense tapping of his foot being a clear sign that he was bothered. His jaw was clenched tight and you could almost hear the grinding of his teeth as he sat there on the armchair, like a sad little old man. The problem was that he was young and he should’ve had fun with his friends—he didn’t see them often and he surely loved their presence.
But right now he felt like punching the shit out of that bean pole with glasses, Ian.
Joji was in a bad mood and he knew exactly the reason why: he was jealous as fuck. He is surprised by this since he barely ever got jealous over other persons he has crushed on. But with you—with you there was another story. He was so obviously in love with you sometimes, but he managed to keep it under control until now. However, he believed it was only a small infatuation—until he got face-to-face with the green monster.Jealousy—something that he was not used to, but he can understand why it happened to other people. Because he wanted you for himself, to see that bright smile only directed towards him, your very essence must belong to him, no matter what. Not to that idiot.He watches you on the other side of the room as you’re laughing at one of the boy’s joke—and seems it has been so fucking funny that you’re almost brought to tears. You even put a hand on his shoulder as you’re leaning against him, obviously pleased and comfortable with Ian’s presence. And Ian is more than pleased with the way you’re being so close to him, smiling like a goof and even blushing.
The nerve on the man.
Then again, it was Joji’s own fault for this situation. He pushed you away when you wanted to hang with him and he was facing the consequences of his actions. It was the first time he brought you to a gathering of his with the Cancer Crew, so you were kind of nervous to assist them, thinking that you were only going to get in their way. They were pretty nice, but you still stayed near Joji, the only one you were comfortable with. At some point, you asked Joji if he could help you with something but he pushed you away, telling you to go somewhere else because he was busy. “Besides, you need to get to know the others more so…”He missed the distraught look you gave him and how heartbroken you actually were when he denied you like this. You huffed then in anger and turned away, deciding not to ask him for help ever again.And somehow, while Joji wasn’t looking, you and Ian bonded much more quickly than he would’ve expected. You were laughing alongside him and obviously enjoyed each other’s presence. Joji was successfully riled up. He was almost crushing the bottle in his hand and he tried so hard not to look in your direction—but his gaze kept on darting towards you two. He imagined himself punching Ian in the gut and bravely saving you from him by carrying you into his arms. But he couldn’t do that without starting a fight that will escalate to something more—because Max will fight for Ian’s side and we all know how violent he could get.It was useless. He can only stare and ignore his feelings.“[name]?” his ears immediately pick up the change in Ian’s tone as he calls your name. You stopped laughing and lifted your head to look into the boy’s eyes. Your faces were too close for Joji’s liking and he was sure that Ian wanted to kiss you. ‘The nerve on the virgin!’ he bitterly thought, though he never held hate for anyone. But today he felt like being a bit meaner than usual.“What is it, Ian?” from the sound of your voice, his whole attention is focused on your conversation. He even instinctively leaned forward to capture more of the scene. The tentative smile you had on your lips was annoying Joji—did you like Ian? Since when?“You have something in your hair…” Ian’s tone drops lower and his hand makes its way into your hair, pretending to get rid of some invisible dust but totally using the opportunity to touch you. He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and you open your mouth in surprise, as if you didn’t expect that at all.“Ah! Thank you!”“You’re welcome—“You feel a tug at your hand and, in a second, you’re walking towards the armchair Joji sat down in earlier. Neither you and Ian can understand what has happened but you stumble in your path and wake up sitting on Joji’s lap. You feel his arms holding you tight by the waist, your back pressed into his chest. You blink in surprise and turn around to see Joji’s black hair, his nose buried into the crook of your neck and his eyes sparkling in the light as he glared at the bespectacled boy. You glanced back at Ian who shrugged in response with a light smirk dancing on his lips. He winked at you when he caught your gaze and wandered away on his business. You tried to stay composed and not smile widely at Joji’s reaction.“Joji…?” you ask quietly, pretending that you were shocked about this. You kinda were, but it has all been planned. You wanted to teach Joji a lesson—and Ian knew exactly what you wanted. So you two hatched a plan to get him jealous and well…
It worked.
“Something wrong?” You can’t help but still be flustered by the grip on you and how his lips were pressed onto you, holding you so possessively. It was as if to say…“Mine,” he suddenly growled, making you tense at the hidden feeling behind it. You never knew he felt this way towards you…You didn’t think he had a crush on you on the first place. But for once, his cool façade fell and he showed you…finally…“What?”“You are mine.”“Oh…”“Go something to complain about?” he asked, tightening his grip even more—if that was possible. You felt as if he was strangling the life out of you soon enough.“N-No…” you chuckle, amused—and lean backwards onto him, closing your eyes in content. “I’m glad.”
“Good.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
You’ve heard the noises—but that didn’t make you stop. You approached the sounds with an innocent curiosity, your pure mind not grasping the reality of the situation, the private time Joji was having. You only heard the moans as help for cries, as if he was struggling with something—the pants, as if he was struggling to lift something heavy. You stopped in front of the door, wondering what was Joji working on. ‘Must be for a new video,’ you thought and hesitated a bit from entering his bedroom. You came here uninvited, being bored, and decided to ‘annoy’ Joji a bit with your presence. You didn’t expect him to be busy and maybe you should just go home and leave him to it. You know how into it Joji can get when filming and you didn’t want to interrupt his flow of creativity.‘But maybe he needs help…’ the other part of yourself, the devilishone, whispered much more sweetly than the innocent one. You were…curios. So somehow, you don’t hesitate anymore…You don’t knock as you hear his screams getting louder and you know that he won’t hear you even if you do. You just open the door…And you see everything. Joji sitting on his bed, legs spread and obviously not wearing any pants. His junk is out in the air, erect and in all its splendour, teasing you with the way it twitched under Joji’s careful touch. He had his eyes close but the moment he hears you step inside, they pop open in surprise. His lips part as in for a cry and there’s hesitation written in those eyes of his. He doesn’t know how to react at your own reaction. Because you’re utterly petrified; you stare at him as if it’s the first time you’ve seen him. You’ve never believed that Joji was this lewd. But here he was, flashing his most private part, his hand secured around it. You could imagine the movement along the shaft, up and down, up and down…So slowly, so tentative…It made your mouth water, wanting to taste it…No—that was not true. The action that ceased the moment of your entering, black eyes watching—waiting—for a movement from you. And your mind tries to process what’s going on, but before you could actually come up with an answer, he…“Mind giving me a hand?” There’s no more hesitation in Joji’s speech and it surprises you—but at the same time, it invites you to come over. You know that Joji had to have a reason for this proposal: something gave you away, maybe your eyes with the way they were looking at him. Curious as to what was going on…Hungry for his taste. Or maybe it was your body, your feet that took a step forward and didn’t stop…You arrived in front of him, crawling on the bed until you reached him. He’s taken aback for a second, not really believing that you had the ‘courage’ to do it. He half said it with the thought of you rejecting—but when you did come over…He felt himself growing even more. He deeply hoped you would stumble upon him because he was thinking about you while touching himself. How lucky he felt that you actually came…Must be a miracle.“You’re brave…” he smirks, panting a bit as he felt himself get aroused by the sight of your sparkling eyes, the way you seemed so eager yet nervous for what was about to happen. How red your cheeks were and how often your pink little naughty tongue darted over your lips, watering them. But you were staring too much and your hands are hovering in the air, fingers twitching but never getting closer. You seem afraid to touch him…And it makes Joji wonder.“[name],” he calls your name and you snap back to attention. You know realize in what position you were in…“Oh!” you smile sheepishly, sort of determined to pleasure Joji. Somehow, you’ve dreamt about this and you were not that afraid. It was a guilty pleasure of yours—you dreamt of doing these naughty things with him for a long time but never acted on these impulses. You never got the chance and you didn’t think that you’re ever going to do it with him. “I’m…sorry…I just listened to you but…”Joji makes himself more comfortable, but stares you in the eye “You don’t know how to do it?” He knows from the start—an experienced person would already start pumping him. He knew you weren’t shy; a bit innocent but never without ‘balls’, so to say. If you were shy, you wouldn’t have accepted the ‘cry for help’ Joji said on a whim. I mean, he was ready to come and he disliked being interrupted—the fact that he liked you was a plus, so why not hit two birds with one stone, hm?You nod. “I really don’t know…I’ve never done this before so…”He can’t help but chuckle, a smirk dancing across his lips. “Then I’ll teach you.” He doesn’t wait for your answer because he knows you’d agree and simply grabs your hands. “Just hold onto it with one hand for starters.” You do as he says, holding his dick as if it’s glass. “You can tighten your grip, you know. Well, not until you strangle it or something.”“Oh…” you do so. “It feels weird, though…”“Don’t worry about it. Just move your hand up and down, slooooowwwly…” he drawls out the word with passion, moving his hand with yours. “That’s it…” It doesn’t take long for you to get the drift and he lets your hand go for the meantime. “Keep on going.”“Is—Is this all that I can do…?” you ask, feeling that you weren’t doing enough and that surely this wasn’t all.“You can do so much more, babe,” he chuckles, his eyes piercing into you with raw intensity. “Why don’t you try experimenting?” Joji’s teasing you, provoking you to try and make him come on the first try without any help.You furrow your brows for a second then you add in your other hand into the game. You fumble a bit at first, testing, fondling his balls playfully and marvelling in the way his skin felt under your palm. You testily try to create him unknown sensations—but he gives nothing away. He watches you as if you were a prey that was ready to be devoured and it flustered you a bit. You feel your cheeks redden, getting frustrated over not being able to do something. At your inability and your lack of knowledge; you didn’t want to look like a prude. You wanted to show Joji how much you can learn and how skilled you could get.You let out an almost inaudible sigh, feeling frustration rising inside of you. Joji saw that and, with another chuckle, he gently grabbed your chin, tilting it upwards. “Don’t worry about it…” he smiles widely. “I’ll teach you.”He grabs your hands and gently guides around, to find his sweet spots. You can see changes in his expressions—he starts to sweat a little bit more , his brows furrow in pleasure; and it looks amazing. “Like that…” he tells you, out of breath despite theoretically jerking himself off with your hands. You were fascinated and, as soon as you get the drift, when you realize where were his soft spots, you start exploring them. You rub your fingers under his balls, finding a zone there that made him squirm, as if he was ticklish. Your other hand that was wrapped around his dick started pumping him a little faster without his advice—and the corners of his mouth twitch as if he was proud. Gaining a little more confidence because of his ‘teachings’, you start moving around more frantically, pushing and rubbing and going at it…“Damn…” Joji was getting turned on by the sight of your face, of the bright eyes and your hungry lips—so he tossed his head back. “Keep going…” Encouraged, you tease him by going slow and from top to bottom, toying with the head of his manhood; he just couldn’t believe his luck. He bucked his hips into your hand for more access and you gladly respond to that. Joji loved the way you tried to please him but he was getting more aroused by the way you looked more than what you were doing. Sure, it felt good, but it was your first time and it can’t be perfect. But the hands of yours on his dick, touching him—that only happened in his dreams. And now it was all real…
Beautiful.
He can’t take it anymore.You feel him twitch under you and it takes you by surprise. You stop, not understanding what was going on with him—but he hisses at you (not under control) to not do that. You continue, a bit unsure until you feel him be ready. Suddenly, he comes down hard with a slight grunt and squirting his seed out onto your hands. You pump him a little bit more at his instructions to get it all out and then you simply stare at him as he’s panting, eyes closed in pleasure.“Umm, Joji?” you catch his attention and he opens his eyes to lazily look at you. A smile creeps onto his lips.“What is it?”You avert your gaze to the side, blushing. He finds that extremely endearing and beckons you over into his arms. “How was that?” you don’t respond to his call because you feel a little bit dirty after that.“It was great for a first-timer,” he laughs, trying to get you to come to him again. “Come—““I’ll wash my hands and then come back, ok?” you smile sheepishly, showing him your hands; he’s almost tempted to lick himself off of your hands. But he lets you go with a “I’ll wait for you…” He can’t wait to cuddle with you because this…he wants to continue this. And hopefully, you’ll want something more too.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Once again, you were flirting with that dude. He told you countless times to leave that guy alone, but you still continued despite his warnings. You just seemed to do it on purpose, sought that guy out with fervour—and he just couldn’t take it anymore. You were his—Joji’s—so why did you want to flirt with someone else other than his? You told him countless times that you loved him and that there wasn’t anything that could separate you two. You’d reassure him with a kiss that you were his and his alone—no one could ever separate you.And yet you ignored his warnings…It was his fault anyway since he never showed you that he was jealous. He was cool and let you do what you wanted—but today was different. Today he felt jealous like he never felt before. He drank too much and honestly, he felt a little bit tipsy—plus a little bit insecure. Seeing you like this, dressed all too sexily and obviously engaged into a conversation with another male: it drove him insane.And he can’t wait anymore. He feels a sort of rage growing inside of him as he watches you. When you come over with that dude and present him with a smile “This is my high school friend! Such a coincidence to see him here!”, he tries to act all cool though. He can’t ruin the party and surely he can’t make a scene just because he’s feeling a little insecure. He can’t tell you not to have other friends.But they guy…your ex-classmate wasn’t as innocent as you initially thought. He surely had other plans in mind and it was starting to bother Joji by the way the guy was getting too close to you. And you never seemed to mind, never wanted to push him away. Despite Joji acting all uncaring, never looking at you two and pretending he wasn’t listening (he so obviously was), he finds himself holding your hand. You respond to that possessive kind of touch with a reassuring squeeze, even if you continue to talk to that guy. He can’t help but keep an eye on you as you started ‘drifting’ away from him, leaning more and more towards that other guy. Your fingers seemed to be slipping away from his…He suddenly felt like actually losing you and it was driving him insane. He stopped pretending and took control of your hand, holding it in desperation in an attempt to make you attentive at his needs. You didn’t even cast him a pity glance, keeping on smiling to that other dude who leaned even more towards you and touched your leg in the process. That hand on your knee made Joji boil inside with jealousy—how dared he? But he was even more frustrated and angered with your attitude: you seemed to not care he was there at all. You were only focused on someone else other than Joji—as if you weren’t even together with Joji. He half-awaited for you to tell the other dude you didn’t have a boyfriend…Once again, he felt like you were slipping away from him.And he was starting to grit his teeth. He was getting more and more mad and—the dude kisses your cheek. You start to giggle as if you were happy.And that’s when he snaps.Joji suddenly stands up, holding your hand tightly in his. You’re jerked up with a sudden force that you didn’t think was possible, making your arm snap upwards. You cried out in both pain and surprise and you stare at Joji with shock. “What—“ but you don’t get to say anything else because he’s already dragging you out of that stinky club you decided to come by. You stumble on your feet, the grip on your wrist forceful and obviously going to leave a bruise later. You try to appeal to Joji’s kindness, not understanding why he was acting like this. You even try to escape but it was only hurting you more. “Joji! Wait, let me go!” But he wasn’t going to. He didn’t even look at you but you could feel the hurt and anger he emanated. It scared you and it made you struggle even more. You’ve never seen your lover acting like this so rough—what made him snap?“Joji—“ you don’t even realize that you’re already outside but you don’t get to say anything else because he tugs at you suddenly and your legs can’t take it anymore. You stumble with a short squeak and fall on the pavement, successfully scraping your knees. “Ow…” you cry out, staying there on the floor as Joji tries to pull you up, not realizing that you have fallen. “Joji, please, stop—““Stop telling me that! You’re coming with—“ he finally turns around and sees you on the floor with incoming tears in your eyes, glaring at him with your knees already bloodied. He’s suddenly worried, his anger disappearing as quickly as it came. “What happened—“You can only glare and pout, feeling yourself getting mad at you for treating you like this. “…You figure it out, idiot…”And he does, really. He finally looks at the whole situation, at you on the floor, at the hurt and confusion in your eyes—and he realizes how much of a dick he has been. How he let his innermost insecurities get the better out of him and ended up taking over his better judgement.“[name]…”“Don’t you even try!” you threaten, getting up without his help, even if he was still holding your hand. Clumsily, you get up and wipe the tears from your eyes. “Let me go, George.”But he doesn’t listen “[name], I’m sorry, I—““Fuck off!” you yell at him, trying to pull away; but he still doesn’t let you go. “What was that all about?!” You’re ruthless and you weren’t going to forgive him that easily.“I—I—“ he wants to tell you calmly because he feels so sorry for hurting you: the way blood ran down your leg… “You were flirting with that boy, I thought that you were…”“That I wanted to what, Joji?” you calm yourself a bit, though your brows were still slightly furrowed in anger. You wanted to understand him and his actions.“You acted as if you weren’t with me. If you want to be with him, then just tell me, you don’t have to act like that…” he averts his gaze, slightly ashamed by the way he has acted. He wanted to kiss you now, to mend your wounds and apologize until you’re satisfied with it all—he wants to give you everything just for a chance to be forgiven…“Are you stupid?!” you huff, annoyed. “Were you actually jealous?” you check his face, chuckling slightly. You never believed he could get as jealous as this, to be honest.“….Y-Yeah…” he admits, sighing. “My insecurities got the better of me…Sorry…”“You better fix this then,” you don’t hesitate to tiptoe and kiss him on the lips quickly. “I won’t forgive you that easily, you know. It stings…”He can’t help but smile stupidly, squeezing your hand. “Let me take care of you then…”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The moment you hear the door to your apartment closing with force, you knew you were in for a treat. You shudder in excitement and fear as you peak over the corner and see your occasional lover’s face—so dark and dominant…You didn’t expect to see that side of him so soon, to be honest. He was always so soft and partially dominant, letting you take control from time to time; but tonight was different. You can see in the way he was eyeing you from a distance as he was taking his shoes off, how desperate he was, famished to have a taste of you. He licks his lips, quickly takes off his clothes and before you can even react, he pounces on you. He grabs your hips forcefully, bringing you close to his body, and he’s kissing you like his life depended on it. You gasp in surprise and you try to keep up with his pace, already making you breathe hard. You don’t even have the strength to catch it because he takes advantage of your surprise to shove his tongue inside your mouth.“Mmmph…” you moan between he kisses, giving up the battle and letting him explore your wet cavern at his pleasure. His hands go under your shirt and his nails dig into that fragile skin of yours. He pushes you against the wall, making you gasp at the impact. “Joji—“ you manage to say his name between pants, but he doesn’t let you say anything else as he’s still attacking you fiercely. He only takes a brief pause to take off your shirt and throw it on the floor, away from the two of you. Luckily for both of you, you weren’t wearing anything underneath so he doesn’t hesitate to remove himself from your lips and starting to pepper kisses on your neck, leaving marks all over your collarbones. You tangle your fingers into his soft hair, ruffling it savagely and earning a low growl from him.“What’s—what’s—ah, this, Joji?” you try to ask through the pleasure he was stirring inside of you, feeling already wet. You felt your whole body on fire, escalating when he started grabbing your breast, rubbing his thumb over your nub and sending electric shivers down your spine. You arch your back, tossing your head and closing your eyes, just letting him do what he wanted. You didn’t care about the reason for his attitude because, in the end, sex was the only thing connecting you. You wanted nothing else out of him—but it might someday prove to be a lie. You wanted to think that there weren’t any strings attached to you, that it was just corporal pleasure that was keeping you and Joji tied together.
That there weren’t any sentiments involved besides lust. That you were just desperate for sex every time you called him more often, and not because you just wanted to see him more and more and—
“More!” you cry out uncontrollably, pulling at his hair when he starts to pinch your nipple, while sucking at the other one: his tongue rolled over it, creating waves of shivers to go through you. He chuckles against your skin as if to say ‘Needy, aren’t you?’ and you just buck your hips into his as a response, feeling him rock hard against your thigh. You both know that you just wanted to do it right then and there—so he grabs your thighs tightly. He holds you up and you automatically wrap your legs around his torso. Thank God you didn’t have any pants on today; you didn’t want to go through the trouble of taking them off.You hold on tight as he’s still kissing you and he carries you over to the living room. He doesn’t hesitate to put you down on the floor, on the fluffy carpet you had. Joji hovers over you, never hesitating in his movements. He literally rips your panties off of you—and in the back of your mind, you care a little bit for them since they were your favourite pair. But you’re too turned on to let it bother you or be vocal about it.
You wanted to be vocal about calling his name during sex…
“Joji—“ you pant, smiling at him with all your might. He returns it with a smirk, his whole expression looking lost into the madness he was feeling.“Turn around,” he hums lowly but you didn’t get it quick enough. You barely opened your mouth when he huffs in annoyance and grabs your hips. He easily turns you around, just like he wanted, and you find yourself on your fours, staring back at him.“Joji, what are you—Ah…” you can’t help but moan as his fingers delicately trace your folds, prying you open and inserting themselves inside of you. “N-No…”“You’re already so wet for me, babe…” he chuckles, obviously amused and ready to tease you.“Mmm, of—of course…” you moan, blushing and pouting at his pleased expression. With a huff, you wiggle your ass tentatively at him—and he responds with promptly slapping your butt. You squeak in surprise at the action, but you obviously don’t dislike it. Your eyes widen—and Joji seems to like that. He slaps you again and this time, you moan. “Oh!” you toss your head backwards, thoroughly enjoying the sensation.“You like it, don’t you?” he slaps the other cheek of your butt, harder this time. You hiss through your teeth, but you never tell him to stop. Joji was usually so soft with you; a bit demanding, of course, and surely dominant, but he never acted like this before.“I—I do…” you pant as he’s slapping you again, probably reddening your ass cheeks. The sting left afterwards was stimulating you—and it was a delicious sensation. “More..” you demand, but he was surely not going to comply to your wishes. Instead, you hear the zip of his pants and the tip of his dick poking between your folds. He doesn’t even ask if you were ready (because you both knew you were) and he penetrates you, leaving you breathless for a second. He doesn’t let you adjust, though, and he simply starts moving inside you, rocking his hips back and forth at a pace that had you see stars in front of your eyes. “Ah—Hah, Jo—Joji…”“What is it?” he growls, surprisingly close to your ear; you didn’t felt him moving, hovering above you. When he started biting the nape of your neck and down your spine, you knew he wanted to mark you. Because those bites hurt a bit and were meant to last—you didn’t dislike them at all. “Say it…”“M-Moree….” You’re feeling lost because he’s going deeper inside of you, more profound. He’s hitting all the right spots; and he was driving you insane.“WHAT?!” he suddenly raises his voice, but not because he was mad at your or something. “Repeat that louder, I didn’t hear it properly.” And, to motivate you, he takes a handful of your hair in a tight grip and pulls at it, making you scream in pleasure.‘He’s enjoying this, the bastard.’ But you were going to do his will, anyway.You arch your back seductively, trying your best to turn your head a little bit to maintain eye contact. You put your best sultry smile as you say “More, Joji.” You’re surprised that you could contain your voice steady.He suddenly thrusts into you, pulling your hair at the same time, making you scream. “That’s more like it. But you gotta be a little louder…”“Oh!” the pleasure increases the more ‘wild’ he gets: the biting, the hair pulling, the fucking he was giving you. It was driving you off the edge, and you were giving him exactly what he wanted: the screams that made him smile. “Joji—Oh, Joji, fuck yes—Harder!”You were both certainly enjoying this new feeling, the roughness of his actions and the way he was treating you. It was a nice change of pace. You had no idea what got over him to do this, but you weren’t going to start complaining now. You could only keep on screaming until your throat was sore, only to make him feel complete that HEwas the one creating this, that HE was the one making you weak like this. And he was certainly enjoying the sight of you coming down, unravelled. Sweaty and with your skin flushed red, your breath ragged and uncontrollable, the hazy look in his eyes—it’s enough to make him…And he can’t help but come down; he pulls out just as you’re about to come too and splashes onto your back. He comes with a groan, rough and sounding like a beast—and the sound plus the sight of his ‘finished’ expression makes you come too, with one more calling of his name. With that one breath, in unison, he lets go of your hair and you simply collapse, your hands not taking it anymore. He tries to steady himself, but he ends up falling on top of you, still careful in not smashing you with his weight. Panting, you cuddle into each other’s arms, resting.Joji starts kissing your possible bruises, softer this time. And the arms wrapped around your waist makes your body relax—you were utterly exhausted and there was a certain numbness between your legs from that fucking. You start to giggle at that thought, thinking that maybe it wasn’t that bad to do it like this again. That catches his attention and he purrs into your ear, tickling you “What are you laughing at?”“Nothing…I was just thinking.”“About?”“About this sudden…you know.”“Oh,” he buries his nose into your hair, inhaling the scent of sex mixed with your own personal musk. It was intoxicating… “You didn’t like it?”You laugh at that “Of course I did! Didn’t you hear me?”He smiles “Loud and clear.”You jab him in the ribs; and then decide to just voice your minor concern. “But why…?”“Because I felt like spicing up things. I maybe thought you would enjoy it.” Smile. “Proves I was right.”“Hah! Smartass…”“Yeah, well…” his tone turns slow and drowsy—he was probably tired from all that action. “I just like you, that’s why…”‘Oh.’ You didn’t think he felt this way, but…you were extremely happy, of course. “Hmmmm…I like you too…” you admit, glad that he wasn’t facing you so he couldn’t see your red cheeks.“I knew, stupid.”And with that, the conversation was over. There was nothing left to say. Just the silence…
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“What’s so great about you?” he grimaces, displeased. You don’t hear him since you weren’t in the room—Joji was all alone. With your freaking cat.“Meow!” the cat says rather indignant, lifting up its chin in defiance. Joji frowns, sitting on the floor and facing the menacing cat. His arch-nemesis, a thorn in his side, a threat to your affections. He never believed that a cat would be catching your attention this much. Then again, it was your favourite pet, the one you loved and kept you company until Joji came into your life. Invaded the cat’s territory and obviously, it didn’t like that. He disliked Joji from the start, but at the same time, Joji had the same feelings. You didn’t seem to notice, despite the fact that they kept ‘fighting’ when you were not looking. Sometimes Joji wanted to throw that damn cat out the window; but you were never going to forgive him for that.“You’re an evil little shit…” the Asian boy whispers, leaning over to the cat. The cat doesn’t even flinch, those yellow eyes regarding Joji coolly. It only ticked Joji off.He can’t help his jealousy. You’re only giving attention to that cat whenever he was around. And the cat knew exactly that it was pissing Joji off—the little feline did it on purpose. Whenever you were kissing and getting into the mood to go further, the cat would saunter in sassily, meow at your feet—and your attention was immediately caught by him. You’d forget about your boyfriend as the soft fur would brush against your leg and you would get away from his embrace. The purring of the feeling soothes you and you’d coo out in delight as you pick the cat up and nuzzle it with affection. And Joji can only watch, sometimes even sporting a boner that leaves a sour taste in his mouth, unfinished.No matter how much he tried to shoo the cat away or tell you that ‘Hey, maybe you should put your cat out, he might not like what he’ll see’. But it always fell to deaf ears. You’d even get mad sometimes if he insisted—so he gave up entirely, getting swallowed up in his own jealousy.It should’ve been him making you smile like that. It should’ve been him getting hugged like there was no tomorrow. You should give him more attention than to that ugly cat.“Well, you’re not entirely ugly…” he sighs in defeat, knowing very well that, if there were other circumstances, he’d love to cuddle up with the cat. He knows he shouldn’t be upset about it, knowing that his love could not be replaced by a cat’s. He wants to pet it, he knows it, deep inside. But there was too much feud between the two to reconcile. He doesn’t want to be the first one to concede.“Joji!!” he suddenly hears your voice and he huffs. He already pictures out the way this was going to turn out. It’s him and the cat inside the room, so there’s only one outcome: the cat’s the first thing that you’ll notice. So he resigns, makes himself comfortable on the couch, hugging a pillow for comfort. He slouches and sulks as you come inside the room—he doesn’t even look in your direction as your eyes lighten up at the sight of the—“CAT!”‘Of course,’ Joji snorts, sighing barely audibly. He watches you as you run to the cat and take it into your arms, hugging the soul out of the animal. But the cat doesn’t seem to mind; instead it starts to purr even more firmly, rubbing its head against your cheek. “Awww, I missed you [cat’s name]!! I was away all day long and mmmmmmmmmm you’re so cute!!”Joji’s annoyed, but it’s just a numb feeling by now. He doesn’t care anymore so he accepts his defeat. He’ll never be on par with that damn cat. So he can only live with it.“Jooo—jiii~” you say in singsong and he immediately snaps his gaze towards you. He didn’t realize that you let the cat go and came in front of him, crouching between his knees and looking up at him so beautifully. With a smirk on your lips, so kinky. It made blood rush between his legs and his breath hitched in his throat; he never saw you initiate something, especially when the pet was in the room. “What’s with that pout? You didn’t even look at me as I came in!” He mumbles something as a response and you lean towards him to hear him better. “What?”Your smile was most convincing and he felt himself melting in adoration. “…Nothing.” He obstinately says.You know there was something wrong with him but it might be tricky to get him to say what was happening with him. “Joji…” you whisper seductively and gently, rubbing your palm up and down his thigh. His body tenses at the touch but he doesn’t move you away. He waits, feeling himself losing his composure. He just wanted to pounce on you…“Did I do something wrong? I won’t know if you don’t tell me.”And he sighs, knowing there was no way he could see you upset about it. So he opens his mouth “I—““MEOW!” the annoying sound and the sight of the cat jumping on the couch is the last thing that makes Joji snap.“Oh for fuck’s sake…” he growls, rolling his eyes and expecting you to turn your attention to it. Forget that you were about to do something naughty with him.“Hmmm…” he hears you hum and he looks at you. You’re watching him, testily. “So it really was [cat’s name]…”He was baffled, furrowing his brows. “What?”“I noticed that you didn’t really like [cat’s name].” ‘You did?!’ “But I wasn’t sure about it. Now I have everything confirmed.”Joji can’t say anything as you stood up and pick up the cat. He’s even more surprised that you throw the cat out and close the door. His mouth is wide as you come back into your initial position, wearing a grin. You’re most amused by his expression so you can’t help but giggle.“B-But…”“But what?” you giggle even more at his confusion.“But you love that cat!”The pathetic meowing behind the door started, intensifying the more you ignored the cat. You didn’t even flinch, and Joji was impressed.“But I love you more, silly,” you declare with determination, climbing into his lap and straddling him. You cup his face and kiss him passionately on his lips. “You don’t have to be jealous of a cat, Joji.”“What was I supposed to think, then?” he can’t help but say, his hands grasping your hips and holding you close. “You kissed that cat more often than you kissed me.”“I won’t do it again!” you laugh, kissing him again.He deepens it then parts, leaving you breathless. “Promise?”“Promise!” you chuckle darkly. “Now…Let me apologize.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“We’ll put it to good use some other time, ok?”
Joji’s words were twirling into your head ever since that ‘dreadful’ party. You just couldn’t believe that you had been caught by none other than your crush. Who would’ve guessed that the dare you had to perform was testing the shock collars. Sometimes, you had the impression that Max knew exactly what your kinks were and he was doing this on purpose to embarrass you. But you knew it has just been an accident, all of it. Of course, you could’ve just declined but you didn’t want to be considered a pussy; Ian and Max wouldn’t let you live with the ‘shame’. You believed you had enough self-control not to give it away. And, for the best part, you showed nothing—but you didn’t anticipate that a certain friend of yours was carefully paying attention to you and picked on what was really going on.When you realized what was going on, that Joji was teasing you immensely, pressing on that button and creating pleasurable sensations inside of you—it only turned you on more. You couldn’t help but let your walls crumble when you witnessed that dark expression, filled with lust and control…Joji was enjoying this and you had to show him that you liked this. You had no self-control so you moaned a little, letting him know…
“We’ll put it to good—“
“AAGH, [name], don’t think about it anymore!!” you shook your head, tired. You’ve just finished taking a shower—that’s why you had too much time to think about this…problem. Because it was certainly getting in the way. Only two days have passed since that wild party but you couldn’t avoid Joji. Staying at Max’s house for a week became a ‘chore’, an awkward atmosphere around you and the Asian boy. Well, not exactly awkward. More like…Sexual tension. You knew you needed the release that he decided to set inside of you. The promise he made…seemed genuine. And he doesn’t seem the type to back down from this all. So you waited, anticipated, being a bit more jumpy than usual whenever he greeted you, or entered the room or even casually touched you. You couldn’t even look him in the eye and your cheeks were always red around him. You could bet that he knew that this was affecting you and he was doing this on purpose—but he wasn’t doing anything about your desire.You were starting to feel frustrated. But you shouldn’t think about this too much and just forget it; it wasn’t going to happen. So, after sighing, you make your way out of the bathroom to your room, clad only in your daily underwear. It was late night and the boys were either sleeping soundly or passed out from too much alcohol. So you weren’t afraid of someone stumbling upon you naked; not as if they haven’t seen you at your worst.So you enter your room and immediately hear the soothing music in the background. You freeze in the doorway, eyes wide as you see Joji standing on your bed, nonchalantly shuffling through your laptop. In his other hand, though…He was twirling on one finger the troublesome shock collar and it made your hair stand on edge. Your mouth opened, ready to say something smart—but you could only redden at the sight, knowing where this was going.“Come in, don’t just stand there,” he says smoothly, still not looking at you. “And close the door, of course. You wouldn’t want someone to see what we’re doing.” You listen to him like in a dream as you take a step inside and close the door, securing it behind you. “C’mere.” He beckons you over, putting your laptop away. When you get in front of him, he finally lifts his head and eyes you darkly. You shudder, feeling heat pooling in your belly. “Kneel.”The brusque and hot command has you on your knees in a second, using your hands to support yourself onto his thighs. You look up at him, expectant and obedient; just the way he wanted you to be. He cracks a smirk, an unwanted one, but he doesn’t mind anymore. You looked so eager, eyes sparkling, that he couldn’t help himself.“So…” he says, taking your chin gently in his hands. “You’re turned on by shock collars, huh?” You nod, but that doesn’t seem satisfying enough for him. “Speak up.” Your heart rate speeds up at the sound of his naughty voice and you whisper “Yes” before you even realize that the word escaped your mouth. It only makes him smirk wider as he brings out the collar from behind, carefully placing it around your neck. You’re on the edge as you eye the remote in his hand, awaiting the moment he’ll turn it on. And you’ll feel the intense pleasure the shocks are sending at a press of his finger.
You just couldn’t wait anymore and mewl out in need.
“Impatient, huh?” he hums, content with your reaction. He doesn’t tease you, although he’d most certainly want to. So he turns it on and you feel the pulse of the spark coming alive—goosebumps form on your skin as his thumb rub against the button tentatively. He sees your eagerness once again and he lets out a deep breath. “Well, I don’t want to keep you waiting.” Joji raises an eyebrow cockily, adding “I’m also rather impatient…”You take a sharp intake of breath as he leans a bit over to your ear to whisper the last words, giving you shivers. And then, the fun starts.Firstly, it feels like a numbness that doesn’t even startle you. But then the sensation gradually increases and it hits you hard—your back arches all of a sudden and your mouth opens in a mute gasp as the intensity is at its highest. You didn’t even realize that Joji already went to the most extreme point out of the blue—and you’re not ready. It goes on and on, not letting you rest. You squirm under the pressure, nails digging hard into the fabric of his pants as you bite your lower lip to suppress the moans. You don’t want to give him the satisfaction of control over you but when you finally manage to look him in the eyes, you let out an involuntary moan.
He looked so displeased yet satisfied at the same time.
“Don’t hold back..” he whispers, then suddenly, the electronic waves cease, leaving you breathless, gasping for more. “Or else I will…”“NO!” you cry out, desperate, clinging to his shirt as if he was your lifeline. You wanted to do so much more with him, to tell him how much you like him, to kiss those plump lips of his, to hold him close, to do all the things you dreamt at night—you wondered if that was ever possible? But no—the loss of the pleasure your kink provided was too much. You breathed out, panting heavily, your cheeks red and your lips moist. You run your tongue over them, licking them in pleasure; you see Joji’s pupils dilating and feel his body tense. He wants to touch you, but he can’t. He refrains from doing so, preferring to just watch your reactions.
But for how long?
“More…” you grind against his body, inching closer to his face.He lets out a breath he didn’t notice he had stopped in his throat and visibly shudders at the lust he sees in your eyes. “Only if you promise to not hold anything back.”“I promise,” you squeeze his thighs as a response and he doesn’t hesitate to turn the shocks again. “Ahh…” you feel it more deeply this time, the pleasure reaching your core and making you wetter than you were a few seconds prior. Your back arches, as if trying to reach new heights, and you feel your head spinning. You can’t even focus on Joji’s expression, everything around you is blurry; but you hear his ragged breath and you know he was turned on about this as much as you were.So you moan his name, over and over again, so he can fucking hear it.
Ge-George…George…
“Shit,” he curses through his teeth, almost as if he was on the edge. “I can’t…” he leans over to you, wrapping his arms around your body and bringing you close to his chest. “..take it any—“ but he can’t finish because he holds you tight, never wanting to let go. But the pressure of his finger never lifts off, leaving you to still enjoy it thoroughly. You smile through the moans, feeling sweat running down your spine.“George!” You moan a little louder, feeling almost ready to come. He knows it too and he urges you on, whispering dirty shit into your ear. When he nibbles your lobe, the whole pleasure intensifies, reaching your peak. “OH!”“Fuck!” Joji can’t help himself as he feels you tremble in his arms, satisfaction written all over your expression—he likes that. It was because of him that you ended up this way, so unravelled, a panting mess. “Did you like that?” he asks, rubbing circles onto your back, soothing you and making your coming down from your high easier.You lift up your head, smiling –you probably looked so horny right now…But you didn’t care. You lightly tugged at the collar; but he immediately makes you attentive to something else: his crotch.And you know what you have to do, where this was going…
Equivalent exchange.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Mmmphh…” you moan between your clench teeth, then you bite your lip sensually to cover your screams of pleasure. His lips on your skin, kissing every segment he could find, caressing you with his lush lips, all over your body—his fingers tickle you, going up and down your spine, your stomach, your thighs…He creates sensations that you didn’t think you were capable of ever feeling, but maybe that’s because the others never knew how to touch you. Where to feel you up to make you twist and turn, to make you moist, to make the room spin. You loved the attention he was giving you, how he worshipped your entirety and how he complimented you. He was the only one that could make you feel this way, so loved…
Only him. George.
The same thing happened to him too. You were driving crazy, with your everything—he never met anyone like you, how sweet his name sounded spilled out of your red mouth, bruised from too much kissing. He adored kissing you entirely, every nook and cranny, fingers, neck, cheeks, hair, knees…He loved the way you squirmed to his feather-like touch, how your body tensed and relaxed whenever he reached a more sensitive spot—if intentional or not, only he knows. But it’s not always about the love making; he likes that, he can’t deny. However, it doesn’t matter entirely. He often finds himself day-dreaming about you whenever you’re not around, but not necessarily.What triggered today’s night round of passion was simply because he had the need to feel you close after observing you. How you were sitting in the bed next to him, cross-legged, with that loose bun on top of your head, wearing nothing but his shirt. How your brows were furrowed in concentration and the moon light shining on you, coating you in a divine aura. So damn beautiful…He couldn’t help but try to catch your attention, which you gladly gave, tired of doing homework. First, there were only soft kisses and giggles from amusement, followed by a tickle fight that had him on top of you. Then, it escalated, turning into more than that.Slowly, the clothes were discarded off and your bodies touched, glued together into a sweet embrace. Sweat ran down your heated skin, your nails digging into his soft back, holding as to not get lost into him too much. He brushes your hair, whispering comforting nothings into your ear, his breath hot and lustful, but gentle at the same time. He holds you because you’re his world. And he can’t lose you now, he wants to make you feel good, lost in the sheets.With one more push, you’re finished, with both calling each other’s name in agony and pleasure. It leaves you both panting for air as you’re still embraced, limbs tangled into a mess you didn’t want to bother to disentangle from. You didn’t want to solve this puzzle—you just wanted to relive this moment over and over again, until you were satisfied. You wanted to sit there, on his naked chest, listening to his rapid heartbeats getting slower, calmer—just because you were there. His grip on your waist tightens and, as you’re breathing in and out, you feel the heat leaving your body. As he’s nuzzling the top of your head, you let out a shiver from the cold.He notices, of course and doesn’t hesitate to pull the blanket on top of you two. You close your eyes, humming lightly in pleasure, feeling tired. Joji kisses your forehead softly, knowing you were probably already in dreamland. You were working so hard, it was the least he could do to relax you a little bit. Because he never wanted to see you upset or frowning. That was not something that he could handle. So he watches your rosy cheeks—from the effort—as the moonlight hits on your face.
So beautiful.
“I love you, [name]…” he whispers finally, after being contempt with memorizing your features once again, like he did so many times before. He closes his eyes after saying those words he’s afraid of saying when you’re awake; but someday he will. Right now…he’s drifting to sleep, listening to your peaceful breathing, lying naked in his room—just the two of you.
Forever.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
6 PM.
Same hour, same place.
He always finds you there.
Joji’s tired from countless hours working on his new album, cooped up in that cramped studio—not as if he doesn’t enjoy creating music, but after a while, it can get pretty exhausting. So he knows what he has to do when the clock strikes 6, the hour of fateful encounters. It’s not the first time he’s done it, but today something in the air felt special. He was impatient and he couldn’t focus, tapping his foot constantly—many a times he lost track of what was going on. His eyes kept glancing towards the clock on the wall, his heart beating in anticipation.“Let’s take a break,” he announces when the time was right and he doesn’t hesitate anymore as he exits the studio, starting to walk on the empty corridors. His feet knew the way; he walked it countless times before, but this time it felt a lot easier. As if something was dragging him quicker with some invisible thread.He knew why he felt this way—tomorrow was your show and this was your last rehearsal.Joji reaches the door where he knew he would find you practicing alone. Even after everyone left, you were still there, doing the choreography and still trying to improve yourself. Not as if he didn’t think you were perfect the way you dance; it didn’t take him long to realize just how good you were at what you were doing.
He knew he fell in love with you at first sight.
He follows the music, the classical composure he’s heard from the beginning and that he soon found out he liked. With careful steps, he approaches the door and opens it slightly, not giving anything away. He always made sure you’ll never see him watching you—he felt like a stalker sometimes, but he couldn’t help it. He loved admiring you, but he was too afraid of actually approaching you. He tried to gather his courage, but to no avail. When he saw your graceful figure, his whole body freezes in awe.Just like right now. He spots you quickly, dancing in the middle of the ball room. A ballerina—that’s what you were. He knew that there was a new ballerina group practicing in the vicinity of his studio, but he didn’t care enough to actually listen to what he was being told. Only one day, when he was wandering the corridors did he hear the song playing and it piqued his interest; he hasn’t regretted that encounter once.
He didn’t even know your name, but he knew the show you were playing in.
His eyes trail over your figure, clad in that tight outfit you always used for practice, accentuating all of your forms. He likes that, but it doesn’t mean that this is only about lust—it’s more than that. Something more pure and divine. About that determination written on your face, in your full red lips and those rosy cheeks from all the effort. In the loose strands of hair that inevitably escape your tightly made bun, in the drops of sweat on your forehead from the effort. In the way you twirled and jumped, landing on point, in the graceful way you raised your arms and twirled them in the air, perfectly in synch with the rhythm of the song. Everything you were feeling was showing on your face, on that furrowed brow, on those pressed lips—you were the melody and the melody was you.He liked that about you; he felt as if he wanted to create music for you to dance to. Suddenly, it felt like a dream that he wanted to make true. His heart beat faster when he thought about this and he felt happy about that—he just couldn’t give it up when he hasn’t even try. Because he loves your aura, the passion which flowed through your veins an you showed that even through a simple practice. You intrigued him with your body language and he was thirsty for more knowledge about you—he wanted to pick your brains and know you inside out.He let out a dreamy sigh, but he knew he had to focus on you. He memorized your routine by heart—so he felt that the performance was coming to an end. He heard the crescendo and the dramatic drums in the background and he knew here came the jump: with a twirl in the air, you landed perfectly. Then, with a deep breath, on the last chords, you fell on your knees in a pose, hiding your face from the public.But he could see everything, the rising and falling of your chest as you were breathing heavily, the small tears in the corner of your eyes, your lip trembling—he just wanted to run inside and hug you. But he had to refrain himself from that, would be too creepy. He can only enjoy the sight from up-close and etch it in his brain; how he’d like to treasure that sight forever..He can’t right now. He’s determined to win you over, the plan he carefully created. The ticket is safely put, the one to your show—he only need to buy a bouquet of flowers and hopefully, it would all work out.“You’re ready…” he whispers to himself as he silently closes the door.Joji can’t wait. He is smiling like an idiot as he skips back to the studio, refreshed. He is also ready…
He wants to meet you.
You hear the door closing. Again. You whip your head in that direction, still panting and sweating on the floor, but you see nothing.You only remember two eyes glinting in the mirror, watching you with passion. It made you shudder, a blush forming on your cheeks.Who was watching you with so much admiration? You were dying to know, but how? How could you find someone whom you only knew by the eyes?You sigh.“Maybe one day…”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“I should do a collab…” Joji absent-mindedly said one day (to no one in particular), as he was sitting in the studio after a session—simply staring at the ceiling, bored. He wasn’t feeling inspired lately and honestly, he wanted to create a more serious piece. But he had no idea, his head was empty. And it was ticking him off.“Yoooo, that’s a great idea!” a random friend of his immediately jumped up, as if he had the greatest idea ever. Joji looked at him a bit sceptical, but he wasn’t one to refuse a path that could lead him to more success. “There’s this singer on Youtube, [name], and damn, they have such a great voice!” Joji cocked his head to the side, a bit intrigued—he never heard of this [name].“Really?” he asked, wanting more details.The friend was more than glad to provide “Dude, they’re so amazing! LIKE, they’re not that popular but fuck, they need the recognition they deserved! They’re going to sky-rocket if you collaborate with them!”Joji pondered—he wasn’t going to refuse helping a fellow singer, but only if he felt like they deserve it. “Alright, lemme hear them,” he said and the friend immediately complied. He opened YouTube, quickly tipped the singer’s name and clicked the first video—probably the most viewed one out of all, but Joji saw that it wasn’t near enough.And then you appeared on screen, wearing the most beautiful smile Joji has ever seen. You looked embarrassed but there was determination in your eyes as you waited your cue to start to sing. But Joji, somehow, was already completely taken in. When you opened your mouth and those sweet little lips started to sing, and he finally heard your smooth voice, he was blown aback. His eyes widened and inspiration came to him slowly, the more he heard you sing. He loved the way your voice sounded and the lyrics—the whole song was so well-written! He could never come up with such words, but if you did, on your own. Joji was impressed. And moved. And his heart started beating faster—and fuck, was this love?No; that was ridiculous.“Yo, dude! DUDE! GEORGE!” finally, he felt a hand on his shoulder that startled him immensely. He shook his head and unglued his eyes off the screen to stare at his friend, who looked slightly worried with a hint of cockiness on his friend’s expression. He knew what was going on. But Joji showed nothing on his face anymore—he didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. “Didja like it?”“Yes.” Joji could simply say, holding back all of the feelings he was actually internally feeling. Words could not describe it all, so he just stared at your face on the screen, frozen in a proud grin. He wondered if you were as beautiful in real life or if your voice sounded as heaven-like—and he found himself anticipating the moment he’d see you. Joji was determined—he had to meet you, he wanted to confirm these feelings that were slowly blooming. “I’ll contact them…” he whispered to himself as he clicked on another video.Fuck, he really hoped that you were somewhere near him or you accepted his proposal. He was sure that, with your music combined, you could create something magical.“Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit—“ the trail of curses went on and on as Joji was growing impatient, walking non-stop around the house and never stopping. He was anxious as hell, he was sick, he couldn’t eat—he was just waiting for you. The last couple of months, ever since he contacted you, you two have been talking on and on, about every little shit. He couldn’t believe how nice and cute you were, the way you were talking and your sense of humour was top-notch; it matched his. You had so many things in common, especially in music—that’s where you really clicked. You started to share impressions and he had access to your lyrics. That’s when he finally proposed to you to collaborate. He was taken aback by the fact that you so eagerly wanted this too, that he wasn’t the only one thinking about it.And you weren’t far from him either; it took you only a couple of hours to come where he was living. ‘I have some business in NY too, so we can meet then!’It was rather bold of you to suggest coming to the studio straight away and see what you could make; but maybe it was him acting all antsy. It was normal; how else would you have created a song if not in a studio? Maybe you’d immediately find the perfect idea…
But he couldn’t wait any longer. He wanted to hear your voice…
The moment he hears the door opening (he gave you careful instructions to where to come, expecting you to ask for his help and meet earlier), he feels his heart leap a thousand miles. He’s running to the entrance to greet you and there he finally sees you. Shyly poking your head inside, unsure. He stops for a second at the end of the corridor to admire you—but you quickly spot him and your whole face breaks into a wide smile.“Joji, h-hi!” your voice slightly trembles from emotion as you come inside and slightly trip; but you don’t fall. Nonetheless, Joji was quickly by your side, unsure of where to start, if he was allowed to touch you.“A-re you—“ he clears his throat because he sounded too awkward, trying to calm himself down. “You’re [name], no?” It was a stupid question, but whatever.You giggled anyway “Yes, the one and only.” You hesitate for one brief second; but then you don’t. You got nothing else to lose because, the next moment, your arms are around him in a hug. His whole body freezes and his mind can’t comprehend what happened. He can only remember your sweet fragrance as you let him go with a blush. “I’ve always wanted to do that.”“Y-Yeah…” he scratches the back of his head before recovering “Shall we go in?”“This is brilliant!” you exclaim, amazed by the prowess Joji possessed when coming up with lyrics. For the last couple of hours, you both forgot about time and indulged yourselves into composing. It all came natural and all at once—with you around, he felt most inspired. In fact, he could only come up with romantic lyrics, which you played along with—in the end, you guys settled to do a duet about two that don’t realize that they are in love yet. Or at least, somewhere along those lines. And it was all going so well; as if you were talking about yourselves.“Right?!” Joji added, excited. Somehow, you both ended up on the floor, papers scattered all around you, but neither minded. “At that part, it should go like this ‘Tututu-TUU’, ya know?”“Yeah! I can totally imagine that! And the beat!” You mimicked with your hands a drum set and it was true: Joji could picture the song perfectly inside his head.So he grinned and said “Should we record it?”The song was not completed in one day—but your eagerness and the fact that you both had the same song inside your head made the job much easier. Neither of you minded to spend countless hours, from morning to evening, inside that studio, surviving on coffee and instant food. Of course, sometimes you wanted to take a break because you got stuck, so you went outside in the park and rejuvenated yourselves. You laughed and had the best time of your life; and the more time you spent together, the more each fell in love with the other. Joji was sold, but he had no idea what you were thinking, if that smile held more behind the first appearance.He didn’t want this to end.However, inevitably, the end came. The song was complete, one night—you were both tired, but determined to finish, which you did. You stood together, listening to the song and grinning like two idiots the more you listened to it. ‘It was perfect!’ was written on both your faces, getting lost in the rhythm of what you created. You felt the emotion in both your voices and how real the lyrics seemed to be, as if it was real. And in that moment, it was all real—you stared at Joji and he stared back into your eyes. The song slowed down in the background as you both reached out for one another. Your hands intertwined and your bodies got closer; but it was enough to show everything.“I’m glad I met you,” you whisper and he squeezes your hand.“Me too.”And nothing else could’ve been said; you liked each other and you could figure things out later. Because…
“I fell in love with your voice
Then with you altogether”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It started with “Bad day, huh?”
You turned to face whoever decided to hit on you while you were in the club, sitting at the bar and drinking to distract you from what was truly bothering you. You didn’t exactly wanted to be here, but your friends insisted you go out to ‘forget about him’. Yeah, that was not entirely working; you were still thinking about your ex, with whom you’ve broken up a few days ago. Well, he broke up with you, telling you that he needed some space to think about your relationship—and we all know that means it’s over. You knew he wouldn’t want you back, so you tried to resign yourself to the reality of the situation: that it wasn’t going to happen. Things won’t go back to the way they were. That was the truth. That didn’t mean you weren’t allowed to cry about it or feel the need to stay home, cooped up in your room, watching romantic movies and cursing their happiness. This thing worried your friends and they pulled you out of your cave, telling you that it wasn’t healthy, that you should fuck that guy and meet other people. You knew they only wanted the best for you and you didn’t want to worry them any further—so you accepted, although you didn’t feel like it. You didn’t dress excessively, didn’t put on any make-up and basically, you felt like shit. You just wanted to drink and forget about it all. No one is ever going to flirt with you (and somehow, your attitude made sure potential suitors didn’t bother you). Your friends gave up halfway in trying to cheer you up and disappeared somewhere, leaving you to sulk.That was your whole experience at the club. You were feeling a little tipsy; however, you couldn’t get him out of your mind. He lingered there. And you didn’t want to leave cause the music was nice. It was soothing—going back to your lonely room will only remind you of him more. Besides, it was already late; leaving alone, without any companionship, meant trouble. And you didn’t want to be assaulted just cause you wanted to go home.But right now—this man interrupted your peace. You eyed him up and down and came to the realization that he was not bad looking. Not at all. Black eyes, black hair, a nice smile—he didn’t seem like a typical fuckboy that you can usually find in clubs, picking on girls that look interesting enough. You didn’t think you were interesting-looking for this boy to start a chat with you, but you welcomed him nonetheless. You managed to put on a feeble smile as he sat down in the chair next to you, ordering something from the bartender. As he was saying nothing, you thought that maybe you’ve just misheard him and it was just your imagination. ‘Who the fuck would want to talk to me in this miserable state?’ you smile bitterly, turning your attention to your beer. You did not know why this hurt you so much—were you that undesirable? You just wanted affection, why—“Cheers!” you hear out of the blue and you’re even more surprised when someone knocks their bottle with yours gently. You turn your head to the man next to you, his smile turned into worry at your unresponsiveness. “Shit, you look like you need more than one drink.”Somehow, that made you laugh—you let it all out, raising your bottle. “Amen to that.” And you took a gulp. You were already down the road of getting drunk, but you knew you couldn’t stop at this. You wanted to drink. And this man—he seems like he wants to accompany you. He takes a gulp, eyeing your expression. Under his gaze, your cheeks were starting to get warm. You were thankful the lights in the club were rather dim…dark…intimate. His eyes seem to read straight into your soul, into what you were feeling—and that sort of intimacy was making you squirmish and shy. Your heart was starting to beat faster, unwillingly. He was, after all, very handsome. Just your type. How come you’ve never seen him before? A guy like him has presence; he needs to be noticed. You felt sorry for not noticing him earlier.“Am I bothering you?” he asks you, leaning a bit forward to be heard over the sound of the loud music. You involuntarily lean towards him, flirtatiously. You did not think you were capable of doing this, after such a short time. But this man, with his voice, his attitude, pushed all of the right buttons. He attracted you, even if he maybe did not plan on that. Maybe he just saw you acting all sad and stuff, and he wanted to cheer up. Nice guys like him exist, simply like that.“No—no, you don’t,” you shrug, trying to act nonchalant about it.“That’s cool,” he grins, tilting his head a bit cutely to the side. “My name’s George,” he introduces himself casually. “Some people call me Joji.”‘Joji?’ Why did this name sound familiar to you? He probably saw the confusion on your face, since he quickly added “Yeah, dunno if you’ve been paying attention, but I’m the DJ that played earlier here.”“Oh!” Now it made sense. You knew the name was familiar, but it slipped your mind. You probably saw him on the stage, but you were too far from it to have actually recognized him. “Uhh, sorry, I wasn’t exactly paying attention…” you chuckle sheepishly, but he doesn’t seem to mind. He brushes it off.“It’s ok, I don’t—““But I’ve liked the music you played!”“How would you have known? You’ve been staring at the bottle the whole time I was on stage!” Joji gets closer to you and you get closer to him, without any of you realizing.You pout cutely, the alcohol in your system starting to work its effect, giving you courage. Joji made you feel at ease, for some unknown reason. It was as if you were meant to be together—you felt the click.“I’m guessing.”He laughs—somehow, the sound could be heard through the music. And it was a nice laugher; it filled you with joy. You also felt like laughing, but you caught yourself in time. You couldn’t look too eager for this, to looking forward to know him better. Because that’s what was going to happen—you’ll talk. And maybe…Who knows what else? You crossed your legs, feeling rather weird ever since your eyes landed on Joji. His kind grin melted your heart. And made your legs feel moist. But you couldn’t give anything away.“You’re kinda mean!” he rests his free hand on your shoulder and you shudder at the warmth of his palm. “But I like that.” Your heart skips a beat at that, but you remain composed. “I-uh…I didn’t catch your name.” He’s flirting and you know it. Those eyes screamed bedroom. And as much as you wanted to get rid of your stress and forgot for a night about that asshole of an ex, you restrained yourself. You barely knew him and you were not fond of one-night stands. Or maybe you weren’t drunk enough.You lean to whisper into his ear your name. Your so delicate name that Joji repeated after, as if wanting to taste it himself. You liked that. You liked him despite not knowing anything about him in particular.“So, [name],” he raises his bottle as if in triumph “what made you so sad today?”“I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago.”His expression immediately turns serious “Fuck, that doesn’t sound too good. Do you want to share or…?” His eyes were worried but mischievous at the same time. But that part was hidden, waiting to be discovered.“I need a lot of drinks, though,” you chuckled.“I have money. Do you?”“I do.”“Then what’s the problem? I’m dying of curiosity.”“It’s rather boring and typical…” You played with him a little bit. And he responded accordingly, smirking rather suggestively and coming even closer to you.“But I want to know.”“Then what are you waiting for?” you were shaking the empty bottle in front of him to prove a point. “Buy me more drinks.”That was done in a second—more and more bottles followed and both of your mouths loosened. You talked more and more about yourselves until you realized that you had a lot in common. You two were so perfect together, it was as if you knew each other your whole lives. You two started it slow, talking general things, getting to know each other better—what your jobs are, what hobbies do you have… And even if the atmosphere in the club was secluded, giving you a pretext to get closer to one another in order to whisper in each other’s ears—you both wanted more than that. You could see it in his eyes that he wanted you in more…unorthodox ways. The point was that you wanted him in the same way. You couldn’t deny it. It was written all over you, in your touches, in your eyes, in the way you were constantly licking his lips—and how often you glanced at his lips. He was also doing that, not as subtle as you.
You blamed the high amount of alcohol in your system—but you were thinking straight even if your vision was blurry.
You both agreed on moving the conversation at his apartment. And there….Well. The rest is history.