Archive of Our Own

Work Text

“It’s a delusion. I’m in a delusion. These delusions are running wild. 
Hopping on the express train, I’m on my way to see you now. 
Excuses, reasons, they’re all such a pain. 
It’s destiny, so it can’t be helped you see? 
If this love of mine, cannot come true, then I’ll never awaken again for eternity 
Not knowing anything I closed my eyes and wished on a star, “May I remain always cute.” 
If the world can’t be the way I want , then I have no use for it anymore. 
I only want one thing: Everything, everything, everything. 
A world that isn’t the way I want is not a possibility. 
There’s only one thing I desire: Everything, Everything, Everything. 
Even though I only know. This one feeling. 
Everyone’s already made up their minds about me. I don’t know 
But I pretend to know. 
If I gave up easily, wouldn’t that be such a waste? 
(Doki Doki.)” 
~ “Delusion Express”~ Book 1: SekaiMonogatari (World Story)
Nagito Lamb

My senpai once said this to me. 『Isn’t there something really scary about people who knowingly, consciously, use others as stepping stones?』

The truth is we've talked about this over and over again. To me, the conversations are starting to get fuzzy and blend together.

But, it all boils down to the same conflict between the two of us. What is a genius, and what is not. What is talent, and what is not. My Senpai and I fight about that over and over again, to me the definition is getting hazy and starting to blur.

My senpai told me that people who use others as stepping stones to climb higher, those who ascend with talent, are the ones who are the worst. But, there was a time before I thought about others as stepping stones. When, just by living with all the best of intentions and delusions of just cause I ended up stepping over people again and again. Around me, people fell at my feet, and carelessly to continue living I ignored their bodies and stepped over them. I thought that was truly disturbing.

To this my Senpai would say. 『You should be nicer to yourself! It’s not wrong to try to live, is it?』

Thankfully, whether or not it was right or wrong for me to live didn't matter in the end. I didn't even make it to the final showdown of those people with talent. I was left behind. I was the one who was stepped over. Call it karma or whatever.

Sorry, I should make myself more clear before I get ahead of myself. I'm bad at ordering my thoughts, I'm doing the best I can for this introduction. In the story before this one, several geniuses were trapped on an island, and as the genre convnetions dictate for those on an island a series of murders started happening. Those geniuses the best of humanity murdered each other like normal people. Me, and my senpai were the only untalented trash among them, we were observers watching from the sidelines. Only, I didn't realize it. I mistook my role for that of a main character.

Useless side characters like me became nothing more than fodder. 
Yeah, this story should feature more interesting characters. The ones who escape the island. 
Like a devil who just wanted to enjoy hell like it was paradise.
Like a witch who wanted herself to burn as much as she burned the world.
Like a god that turned out to be just as boring as the humans he looked down on in the end,
Like a sword that just wanted to hold someone’s hand even if they would cut it.
Like a wolf whose loyalty never went away no matter how much they were beaten.
Guided by a hapless main character of a story of despair with a hopeful conclusion.
Guided by a purposeful main character of a story of despair with zero conclusion.
They were able to escape from this world, stepping over the others, leaving them behind.
Oh, there was one I forgot an imitation detective. He’s probably not even worth mentioning. Fakes generally, aren’t.
All of those people graduated from this island. Their stories should be continued.

However, instead we are going to dwell on those who were left behind. Those who died. In the end, the devil did not escape. He stayed with those who were left behind. Perhaps he wanted to rule over hell like it was heaven, I can't possibly hope to understand my senpai.

I was left behind as well.

Left behind with a sheep. A foolish sheep. Sheep do not need to have any intelligence at all, all they need to know how to do is follow the herd. However, this sheep was born broken in that way that he could not follow any herd. A lonely sheep. A dysfunctional sheep. There’s no use in a sheep existing without a herd, except to be snapped up and devoured by predators, but stubbornly that sheep continued existing still.

That lost sheep.
That time on that island, with those people, it’s not even worth mentioning. Their existence was so out of reach, so distant, that you could never even hope to muster a desire to approach it.
In other words it was inevitable somebody like me would be left behind from them.
It's not that I lost track of them. It's not that I fell off the path.
From the beginning I was always left behind. From the beginning I was never going to catch up to them. 
The people who escaped off that island were able to continue to live, while I was not. My senpai once said this. 
『In other words, it’s a question of who lives their life beautifully and who doesn’t, right? Those who aren’t beautiful think they need to suffer and suffer until they become beautiful.』My Senpai believed those who were born without talent suffered the most. 
Though, to refute him, I believe the opposite. Those who are completely obtuse, so oblivious as to never think for a second about one’s purpose in life, to never think about the meaning to life, to never think about the value of life. For a sheep lost amongst its herd that could easily be mistaken for any other sheep in the herd, to them this world must be a paradise. Calm, peaceful, and serene. Trivial things would be major, and major things trivial, and life would not have to be lived to its fullest. Instead, they could lives enjoying it the normal amount, grazing a normal amount without feeling the need to devour everything.Untalented people, members of the crowd, those who live without thinking they have it made. 
Too much righteousness can just be harsh. 
The world is harsh to beautiful places, and beautiful people.
The world is kind to ugly places and ugly people.My senpai said this again. 『 Essentially people live in one of two ways. Either they are beautiful enough to live on their own, or they live for the sake of others. Two ways. Either you allow your value to be absorbed by others, or you chisel away at the value of others to try to take some for yourself.』In response I asked him question after question. 
Which should take precedence, the value of others or your own value?
To accept others as boring, or yourself as boring?
What if someone could choose neither, and doing that they chose both.
To them, both themselves, and the others around them, and the whole world was boring.
Surely, such a person would go mad and die.
People who are unable to decide are unable to go on living, that was the conclusion I reached.
Still, I wonder. 
But, does it have to be such a distinct choice?
Do you really have to choose?

Senpai and I repeat the same arguement again and again. 
We ask these questions back and forth. 
『Where is the line between genius and not genius?』
"Where is the line between what is true and who is a lie?"
『Where is the line between who is true and what is a lie?』
Yet, no matter how many times we parrot these questions back at each other we never reach a clear cut answer. 
The two of us between each other are searching for it, what is considered an acceptable reason to continue living. Even those who use others as an excuse to live, are they that different from those who live for themslves? Surely, they're just trying to find a reason to live too.

When I brought up that argument he turned to me with a smile.『So how about you then?』

As he pointed it out, without realizing it I had begun to talk about myself.

He wanted to know about me. Even though he probably already knew the answer he asked. 『How does the world look to you?』

To me, after experiencing that island. To me, a pure white, a colorless existence.To me, it would all probably just turn out to be mindless babble. It wasn’t even worth the trouble of thinking of an answer. Even if I were to put my heart into saying it, the words would become twisted, because I myself am twisted.

And so I said nothing. Instead, I looked away and thought of something else. The conversation ended between me and my Senpai once more with no winners, only a draw, two losers talking. Yet the question still remained in with me.  So, how does the world look this through this person’s eyes? One red, and one green. Just how did I look in this person’s eyes? Would I appear differently in each eye? Even if they had a hundred different eyes though and I made a hundred different faces for each eye, they wouldn’t see the sum total of me.

And that was for the best.
Because that person, that irreplaceable person I had already forgotten about them again.
Just like how in my rambling I had forgotten to tell you all what kind of story this was.
That’s supposed to be the gimmick of these opening statements. It’s getting harder and harder for me to remember so I’ll say it quickly, speaking faster than is considered socially acceptable. First was a story that began and ended in despair, second was a story about nothing, and this is a story about the end of the world.

It’s actually about two world destroyers. The whole world? Don’t be so dramatic.  Each person occupies their own little world, so the world can end over and over again. This person’s world ended, and that person’s world ended, that’s all this is. There’s no need for drama. I loathe drama. Hey, don’t laugh senpai that’s mean to laugh when somebody is speaking honestly for once. I’m always being bullied by you, you know?

The world ending isn’t such a sad thing. Especially if even after enduring the end of the world you get a boyfriend. I’m not sure why I just made that statement, it seemed to be one of those meta references that people around me are always making.No, but the end of the world is not necessarily bad. After all, when shonen manga are written to go on forever eventually stop becoming interesting right? Stories are meaningful because they have endings. Those shonen manga that go on forever tend to have crappy endings where everyone becomes heterosexual and then gets married to somebody they talked to once. I can guarantee this story will not end that way. The end of the world is better than an ending like that, especially if it gets you a boyfriend.

When the witch met the devil, the boy with nothing and the girl with everything, it was the end of their lonely worlds that consisted entirely of themselves.
When the boy who aws half god and half man, met the lone sheep and cradled in his arms, it was the end of their hollow and empty worlds.A story about endings. Well, considering this story is marked 2.5 than it’s obvious there’s going to be one more continuation, so perhaps it’s arrogant of me to claim that this is the story about the end of the world. Sorry, I’ve forgotten my place.

Things are eventually fated to end. When reflecting on the end, some can think, because it’s inevitable it was sad. They start to hate fate itself. I can’t do that though, maybe because I think differently from most people.

I like the word fate. I mean, at the beginning of an anime if you while running late to school with bread in your mouth, trip and run into your love interest that’s a fateful encounter, right? If things like that were left up to something as fickle as chance, then they would be meaningless. Surely,it’s fate. Of course, not every character you meet is your love interest, they’re not all happy encounters, there are rivals, antagonists, lots of bad people, and lots of sad people. For me, I’ve tried over and over again to accept unfortunate, unavoidable things like that as fate.That some people are born talented, and some people are not, that too is fate, it seems unfair. But, this is what I think: Even sad, trying things must have a reason. Not a single thing is wasted, if it leads to… if you have…Ah… What was that word again?
What gives fate meaning is ho…
I forgot.
Well it’s for the best I’m going to forget my role as narrator soon and blend into the crowd.
True the narration will be following me around but I’m not a main character.
If I was, I would be a forgettable one like the kind that is the bland player self insert in video games. If only I could be silent like that too then this would be a perfect story.
I’m just a perspective character that you follow around to find the more interesting characters.
My importance is best forgotten too.
It’s for the best, I said over and over again.
It’s fine, I repeated, wanting it to become the truth.
A lie and a truth, a fake and a real thing,
A delusion, and a dream.
They did not necessarily need to be so different. Well even if they were different it doesn’t matter because I’ve already forgotten the distinction between those things, as I’ve forgotten my place as well. And then I blended seamlessly into the crowd, thinking I had finally found my herd, and forgetting I was unhappy, I tried again this time to become happy. 
😈
 The boy was walking to school.Oh sorry, after all that pompous narration in the beginning I started off with such a simple and typical scene. I told you the main character in this story was pretty much worthless. Haha, sorry about that really.

The boy was walking to school, and you’ll be surprised to know that he was late. That’s a place as good as any to start a story about a normal boy’s, normal daily life at school. He picked his pace up just enough to walk slightly ahead of the crowd of people. They were not worth describing, if this were a video game, they would probably be rendered with randomly generated faces, or not even rendered with faces at all just indescribable blue emptiness.

That boy should have been rendered in blue too. He wore the same uniform as everybody else. Brown jacket, with a red and green vest, and a tie around his neck. He got chills easily, so he wore a sweater over the vest of the same color. He walked with his jacket open and unbuttoned but this was not a particularly unique feature, lots of kids walk to school with their jackets unbuttoned. He did not seem like the person to do so, but every single person who passed him, he greeted them with a cheerful good morning.

His name was Komaeda Nagito. He walked along the sidewalk, next to a fenced off wooded area, where a cat was sleeping peacefully in the tree. He tried to smile back at the yawning cat, making an expression very similiar to a cat’s smile when it was trying to pass as innocent. He was just a run of the mill guy, who goes to a run of the mill school. As he turned his head back, his curls of white hair bounced gently.

There’s only one thing really exceptional about him… Oh, it’s not the white hair that’s a pretty common anime trope.

Just as he turned the corner he realized he had not turned his head in time. There was a small girl, with a small and cute appearance, a large antannae in her otherwise cropped short and cute hair, and a large lollipop shoved into her mouth running to school. “I’m late… I’m late…” She muttered, before slamming straight into Komaeda.

That girl was barely tall enough to reach his chest, but Komaeda was basically just skin wallpapered over bone, and had no weight to his exstence at all, so immediately he spun around and flew backwards. At the same time, a truck driving too close to the sidewalk plowed into him, launching him in the opposite direction. His flight was stopped by a tree, though he impacted the tree hard enough that several large, pointy seeds from the tree fell and got caught in his hair. Before he could even do anything about those, he saw the cat falling and quickly held out his hands to catch it. The cat was very grateful for being saved, and immediately made a sour hiss and drew his claws out, showed his gratitude by mauling his face.

The boy’s thin skin, and pale face with shallow features, was immediately covered in bright red scratches, as the cat quickly scampered off. The boy however barely reacted to any of this, simply reaching up for the seeds that had gotten caught in his hair and flicking them away. “Yes, I have the worst luck…” Nagito Komaeda muttered.

There you have it, his one point of characterization. Establishing anything else would be superfluous. It’s just going to be this joke over and over again. Next time maybe he’ll trip and accidentally fall and touch a girl’s breasts. The height of comedy. Or well, he likes dudes so maybe he’ll accidentally grab a guy’s crotch instead? Either way this is the guy we’re following around for the narrative, all he is is a shallow clown.

At that moment as he climbed over the fence again, he saw Hitoyoshi Zenkichi appear. He offered a hand right where Hansode had fallen. The cute little girl opened her eyes, looked up and saw in front of her with blonde hair that glowed as bright as the sun dazzling behind his head, his hair blew dramatically in the breeze, somehow two of his shirt buttons became undone and his shirt fell open and that too blew dramatically in the wind. “The ground is a terrible place to take a nap, my lollipop.” She took his hand. Really, who would not take his hand in that situation?

As Komaeda jumped down from the fence he saw a certain aura surrounding him. Due to several wires being crossed in his brain, Komaeda often associated feelings with certain colors. To him though, love was like every color at once, it was an emotion that made you feel like you were floating but at the same time if you tried to hold it in your hands you noticed how fragile it was. Like a bubble, it could pop any moment. Sometimes when it did pop though, like a bubble filled with many different water colors, the colors would just splash everywhere and get more mixed up, and you among the colors would become indistinct.

That was what he thought, as he observed Hitoyoshi Zenkichi and Hansode from the side. Which was his ideal place to be, observing from neutral territory. Unfortunately, Zenkichi would not leave him alone. They wore the same uniform (Zenkichi wore it better of course) because they attended the same school, Sandbox Academy. It was a slightly eccentric private school, but both of them were allowed to attend because they had a relation on the faculty. Otherwise, it was just like any other school, there was no human experimentation, or superhuman abilities present to speak of. Wait, why did I mention that? I’m going to sound like a chuunibiyou. Well, let’s say it was a school that might feature in a standard school romance setting, but it would never be the star of an urban fantasy. Komaeda thought Zenkichi would make a good protagonist for a love comedy at least.  Anyway, their uniforms were different in one aspect Zenkichi’s had a red band around his arm because he was the student council president of that school. There are people in this world, with talent great enough to shape the foundation of society. I’m not one of them. I’m just another face in the crowd. Which isn’t to say I envy them. No, it’s much easier to be a nobody. The star of the show is  such a restrictive demanding role. Komaeda thought to himself, as he readjusted his bag around his shoulders, and with face still bleeding put on a smile as he tried to slip by unnoticed. Of course with Zenkichi that would not be possible.

Zenkichi moved and turned to look at Komaeda. As he did, Hansode grabbed his sleeve. The fabric that she held between her fingers, that was main character material right there. However, Zenkichi shrugged her off and looked back apologetically. “I’m sorry, Hansode.”“That’s fine, idiots who always run off to help others… I like guys like that.”

“Haha, you should be careful. If you say you like guys like that, I’ll start to think that you like me.” Zenkichi said, patting his best friend on the shoulder as he ran off after Komaeda.

“Well I did say I like idiots…” Hansode bemoaned, as she took a large chunk out of her lollipop with her teeth.

Komaeda wished he could stop breathing sometimes, so his skin would turn blue. It was a strange wish, but he was a strange boy so he thought it wasn’t that far off. If all the color could fade from his body, he’d fade into the background entirely and then nobody would notice him ever again. A lot of teenagers his age did not think of dying, and Komaeda had no particular reason to think that way, but he was a gloomy guy too. He had thought about it for a long time and he decided it was not really the idea of dying that bothered him, but rather the cessation of existence meant he would not be able to watch others anymore. If he could feel anything at all after death, it would probably be loneliness. So, the kind of death where he became invisible, and could simply watch others from the background without interacting, if he could stay around as a ghost in white, instead of merely looking like one than that would be ideal for him.

Suddenly though he was pulled out of his thoughts, as a warm hand grasped his back. He looked back to see Zenkichi smiling at him like the sun. It was blinding, Komaeda had to narrow his eyes. “Hey, how come you always sneak off to school early?” Zenkichi said.“If you’re seen walking to school with someone like me, you’d probably get made fun of.”
“Well if they make fun of me I’ll just hit them so it’s no big deal.” Zenkichi said, as he curled the fingers of his opposite hand into a fist.

“Well, I’m a pacifist by nature so being alone helps me avoid all conflict. You should thank me for making this sacrifice for your convenience. I’m basically gandhi.” Komaeda said, tongue flicking back and forth as he did. Oh, he had not meant to speak that honestly, Zenkichi sometimes drew it out of him without either of them realizing.“Oi, since when did you suddenly become considerate of others? Where’s the Komaeda that I know, did you wake up an entirely different person this morning.’

Komaeda pouted slightly. “I think I’m a very considerate person, I’m always thinking of others.”

“Yeah so are some stalkers.” Zenkichi teased relentlessly, as he scratched scratched at the bridge of his nose with one finger. “Anyway it’s more convenient for us to walk together since we’re coming from the same house.”That was true. From childhood onward, Komaeda and Zenkichi had lived in the same house and been raised together. Komaeda’s parents were doctors at the same hospital that HItoyoshi worked. Despite being well off, and living fortunate lives, on the day their son was born what was supposed to be the most fortunate day of their lives they were both hit by a car. It was especially unfortunate because they were somehow hit by a car when staying in a third floor hospital room, apparently the car had gone out of control and drove wild off the parking ramp. Don’t laugh, this is a tragic backstory. See, I told you Komaeda was nothing more than a shallow clown.

Regardless, the infant Komaeda was taken in by their close family friend Hitoyoshi Hitomi. The next year she got pregnant. If she had been a single mother, raising two children on her own might have been difficult, but she was madly in love with a normal man. She had a normal amount of happiness with him. Currently, they were overseas on a second honeymoon and had left Komaeda in charge of the house. Every day he woke up early to make Zenkichi and him boxed lunches, clean the house, water the plants like a proper house husband, but then he set Zenkichi’s alarm for him and made sure to leave early to try to walk to school alone.

For some reason he felt the need to distance himself from a boy he had known since childhood. Yeah, he was talented like that. His only talent was being an unfamiliar face in the crowd to everyone he met, amazing. “That’s not fair Hitoyoshi-kun,” Komaeda said with his sensitive and delicate voice, looking up with red eyes. “I can’t be a stalker because I’ve never been in love before.”

Zenkichi took his hand off Komaeda’s shoulder and got closer to him, staring into his eyes. “Jeez, calling a guy you’ve known since you were two years old by his last name, how cold can you get.”“I’m sure there are plenty of warm and inviting people in this world, I just don’t happen to be one of them.” Komaeda said neutrally, tilting his head in confusion as to why Zenkichi was suddenly so close.

“Quit philosophizing at me randomly… and Hey, did you not get enough sleep or something? Your eyes are all red.”

Komaeda blinked. He had thought his eyes colorless and dull, red? Well, there were several medical things wrong with him, he supposed he had just come down with something. “Hitoyoshi-kun quit staring deeply into my eyes. Hansode-san was right you’re so insensitive.”

“Huh?” Zenkichi said, scratching at his head as he backed off as asked.

Right at that moment they were approached by another. A boy with a mostly shaved head with only a light layer of blonde fuzz remaining at the top, his cheeks were red and round giving him a baby face that he tried to hide by shaving a delinquent’s sprialing fade into both sides of his hair. He walked wearing a brown vest, standing proud with his hand over one of his shoulders. “Oi, are you two bickering again? You should know better than to give your housekeeper a hard time, Zenkichi. Your dark secrets are going to get spilled all over, and then your guts next if you piss them off.” The third member of their trio had finally arrived, Kuzuryuu Fuyuhiko. The former heir to the Kuzuryuu clan and current normal high school student.

A trio. He had a trio. Even if Komaeda wandered away on his own and became lost, somehow those two always managed to find him. Him, a simple member of the crowd, had become somebody who was found in this world. He wanted to express his happiness in that moment, but he couldn’t, his tongue was twisted, so he just rambled on as always. “Awe, Kuzuryuu-san is finally recognizing my worth as a housekeeper. The lowly me getting even basic human respect is such high praise.”“What are you doing talking about spilling my guts this early in the morning! Don’t you have any tact at all?” Zenkichi said, snapping at Fuyuhiko.

“You’re the tactless idiot that literally sliced your guts open in front of everybody.” Fuyuhiko snapped back.

“That was one time! Ahhhh, so embarrassing!” Zenkichi had a terrible habit of pushing everything to extremes and then regretting it later. He fumbled for a moment covering his face as it reddened. Then, he quickly ran to catch up with the two of them.

Komaeda stood in the middle of both boys as they walked. His soft and quiet voice was easily drowned out by the two of them, so he simply kept his quiet, glancing between them, and tried to smile in a way that would not creep either of them out.

“Hey, Komaeda what the hell happened? Did you get jumped? If you did tell me, I’ll tell my sister’s guys to pay them back twice as hard.”

“Oh right you’re bleeding…” Zenkichi remarked, narrowing his eyes. Being empathic towards others was supposed to be one of his character traits but perhaps he had forgotten that.

Komaeda closed his eyes, and smiled just like the cat did trying to feign innocence. “Some chestnuts fell on me, that’s all. If I really was jumped I wouldn’t tell you though Kuzuryuu-san, because I’m sure whoever beat me up would have a pretty good reason for doing it, like they needed to relieve stress or something. In that case I’m happy to help them.”

“Jeez, it’s reasons like that why you got bullied so much last year… I know saying this is pretty fucking useless but you could stand up for yourself a little bit.” Fuyuhiko said, sighing in exasperation.

“I couldn’t possibly put my needs over somebody else’s. That would just be selfish for an incredibly small existence like mine.” Komaeda said, holding his palms up to proclaim his innocence again.

All throughout middle school it was Zenkichi who always stuck up for him, to the point where the boy became a minor legend as a paragon of justice throughout all the various yankees, ne’er do wells, and miscreants. However, his first year of highschool Zenkichi was still attending Ark Middle School. Nothing of consequence happened that year and no tragic backstories occured, but because they were at separate schools Komaeda was picked on and isolated. Before it got too far though, a senpai dressed in an all black uniform stepped in. Then later by the time of his second year he had already made friends with Fuyuhiko, and Zenkichi became class president as only a first year. It had ended well, so there was no use dwelling on it at all.

What had bothered Fuyuhiko though, was that both of them knew when pressed Komaeda could be sharp tongued, and he could even figure a way out of most bad situations. Even though he was just a normal schoolboy he acted like a survivalist who had been running all his life. It was just when others confronted him, or tried to start a fight with him no matter what they said Komaeda always just took it, like he believed he was deserving of it.Zenkichi stared at Komaeda’s face. “Yeah, those scratches are pretty bad-”

“They’re fine.. A cat got friendly with me that’s all.”

“Dude, I told you not to mess with other cats. You’re basically part cat so they all get territorial.” Zenkichi said, staring more intensely which caused Komaeda to shrink away. “You should go to the nurse’s office.”“I couldn’t possibly take up any more of Tsumiki-san’s time than I already-” Komaeda was a frequent visitor to the nurse’s office. It was why despite being smart, he had poor grades due to constantly being late or missing from class.“If you don’t go I’m just gonna twist your arm behind your back and drag you.” Zenkichi said, glaring at this point.

“Oh, I would love it if you demonstrated your martial arts moves on me. Have you learned more since the last time? You’re always getting stronger and improving, Hitoyoshi-kun.” Koamaeda said, responding to the threat with a smile.

Fuyuhiko reached forward and chopped him softly on the head. For a former heir to a gangster family, he was a bit of a soft touch. “Just listen to him and go get it checked out. Jeez what would you do without us?”

“Hmm, I’d probably talk with my alien friends instead.”

“What? You have friends besides us, Komaeda?” Fuyuhiko said, smirking as he did.

“Ask about the alien part first!” Komaeda snapped back, finally being drawn into the banter. “Fine, I will… thanks…” Komaeda finally said with hesitation as he walked ahead of the other two. The school bells were finally ringing on their last day before break. The three of them, Zenkichi, Fuyuhiko, and Komaeda, Larry, Curly, and Moe, a comedy trio in the making walked into the gates of Sandbox Highschool together as a large clocktower that dominated the skyline of the school continued to ring.The bells weren’t foreshadowing anything besides the start of a school day, nor were they particularly symbolic, but for some reason the sound of ringing would not leave his ears. 😈 When waiting for Tsumiki Mikan to get more gauze in the nurse’s office, suddenly a ball broke through the window and knocked a bottle of acidic medicine poder over, splashing it right onto Komaeda’s face and causing a small smoke explosion that burned his skin.

What? It’s funny, laugh. Tragedy is when I cut my finger, comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.“Aaaaaaah! Komaaaaeddaaaaa!” Tsumiki said, grabbing her face as she watched the smoke billow from where Komaeda’s face was a moment ago. She had large round eyes that always seemed to be watering, one hand of hers was bandaged up, and so was one leg of hers. Her hair long purple hair was cut unevenly due to the fact that Tsumiki cut it herself and because of that t resulted in many split ends and tails that all seemed to fly in every direction when she freaked out like this.

A common occurrence, she possessed a nervous temperament. It was probably a good thing for a nurse in training to be so jumpy, it made them more aware. Komaeda knew though when it counts she was someone who could be relied on. She quickly rushed forward to his face, and did not care at all about her own bandaged covered fingers getting burned as she tried to wipe it away with a cloth.

When it was all finally cleared off, Komaeda was smiling same as ever. That smile too, made Tsumiki slightly nervous even though that was not Komaeda’s intention. “K-k-komaeda, d-don’t you ever get sad or anything about how this stuff keeps happening to you?”

Komaeda had never heard anybody put it in such short and sweet words. Stuff keeps happening, that was it, that was his whole life. “Sad? I don’t get why I’d be sad... I believe there’s a fixed quantity of luck in the world.” As his face was finished with a fresh layer of bandages that covered over his nose and half his face, he leaned forward and picked up the ball from the ground. He placed with it between his fingers, turning it slightly by letting his finger smove down the laces. “Which means that the more bad luck I have, the more good luck that leaves for others.” He tossed the ball up just a small amount, and caught it again, before passing it to his other hand. “Can you think of a greater honor than a nobody like me knowing that they can still make the world a better place for everyone?” Suddenly, as his hands had a tendency to do, they flew out from his sides and dramatically gestured. Even though it was just the two of them alone in this office, his voice was already raising volume uncontrollably.

“So, you’re basically saying it’s better if you’re the one suffering.” Mikan said, cutting straight through his rant in a quiet voice. Komaeda was caught off guard for a moment, and quieted down. It was not that he liked or disliked Tsumiki Mikan, but the two of them possessed a similar temperament. He felt uneasy around her, but that was not Mikan’s fault, it was his own for feeling uneasy around himself. Mikan however, noticed his sudden quieting. “Ah! Sorry, I just tend to be observant of people, but it never matters because I’m always so tactless about it! Sorry, sorry!”“It’s fine Tsumiki-san. In you, it’s just a cute quirk of yours.” Personality flaws were somehow more manageable if you referred to them as quirks. Heroes and villains had flaws, normal people of little consequence had quirks.Mikan had already started to bow though. “Sorry, sorry, sorry! I didn’t mean to be rude.”

Komaeda sighed. Perhaps the real reason he was never good when he was around Mikan was that her tendency to fly off the handle, meant he had to repress his own tendency to fly off the handle and play straight man around her. Imagine, him of all people playing straight man, and he wasn’t even straight. Well, it was because of their unfortunate similarities they happened to both be picked on last year. “It’s fine! I’m naturally tactless anyway, so being rude is like the default on me. Kindness is totally wasted on someone like me whose too stupid most of the time to realize when people are trying to be nice.”

Now it was just a match of self depreciation. Winner take all. However, suddenly Mikan snapped out of her rapid bowing and straightened up, putting a bandaged finger on her lip. “Oh, I was just thinking when you said there was a limited amount of luck in the world, I wonder if you really cared about relieving the bad luck of the rest of the world, or just one person.”

There she went, being observant again. Komaeda hated when he was misunderstood, but he hated when he was understood just as much. Basically, he was a diva that was hard to please, his standards were too high for somebody who was not even a main character. “You mean Senpai? There’s no helping a guy like that, even in a perfect world he’d somehow find a way to be miserable.” Komaeda who was always smiling, found a scowl on his face in that moment.

Komaeda and Mikan were connected another way. Last year, they had both been taken care of by their kind senpai. However, that senpai in a pitch black uniform had stopped attending this school, otherwise he would have been a third year. “Hmm, Komaeda-kun? Are you talking about him or yourself?”

“I don’t know if you’re insulting him or me more, by comparing the two of us.” Komaeda said, uncharacteristically blunt.

Tsumiki had stopped paying attention to Komaeda, to feel the shelves with her bandaged hand. “It’s true you two are like yin and yang. Whenever one of you does something, it seems like the other does the opposite on purpose.”

It was a bit of an oversimplification. If Komaeda were to express it, say he were some kind of narrator he would say that there was no speck of realism in the bond between them, no clarification, or clownification, not a single bit of cheap empathy was shared between them, and above all else there was no romance. The true comedy of it,however, was that in spite of it all, there was still something between them. The kind of comedy that bred sorrow, demanded compassion, and had an even poignant air.

It was almost laughable, a cheap and shallow comedian like himself having such a meaningful bond. When he thought of about Senpai, it was like looking in a clear stretch of water only to see instead of his reflection another face looking back of him - that was the only way he could make sense of the other boy. And, as Komaeda was terrible at making sense to begin with, there’s absolutely no point in trying to put that boy’s existence into words.Being with Kumagawa was like looking into his own face, and talking to himself.
Maybe in the modeling phase when their npcs were designed they used the same base model.
Maybe when they were being programmed, their code shared the same root.
Like reflections in a mirror.

The first time he was a young boy he looked in a mirror and saw himself looking back and thought there was another person in a mirror dimension looking back. An endless world on the other side of the mirror, separated by a single pane, where another version of him existed living in an entirely different world that he could only gaze upon through this small window.
It wasn’t ignorance that allowed such a paradoxical world to exist. It mattered little which world was the true one, and which was false. If one side was real, then the other was fake, but if reality was in fact fake, then both sides had equal value, and equally lacked value.

That is to say, like when a dog sees its reflection in the mirror and barks at it believing it to be real. Something like that, yeah that’s a cuter metaphor. Though Komaeda never owned a dog, it was a bit sad but he thought he was better off since he never had to face the pain of losing one either.

Humans were different than dogs though, once when he was a boy he had put his cold and small hand upon the mirror and realized that he could not push the window open. All he felt was a void, nothing but nothingness. The thing allowed to exist in his imagination, was not allowed to by the laws of reality. Those damn laws of physics were far more powerful than him. The world he had imagined didn’t mean anything to anyone else either.

That was the first time he had destroyed a world.

That was why as much as he loved senpai, he was afraid of him. Afraid of getting near him, that if he reached out and touched him he would suddenly feel nothing but nothingness, and realize only a void had been there all along.

Whenever he was around Senpai, he got this feeling. 『 I want to disappear. 』Like he was there and not. That the person that he struggled to love the same way that he struggled to love himself, would disappear any moment having rendered all his struggling pointless.That was the feeling he got anyway, it took awhile to explain because his feelings were complicated. I hope nobody dislikes this new moody narrator, I’m sorry I’m not as funny or clever as Ajimu-san or discount Enoshima-san.In the time of all his pondering, finally Tsumiki had found what she was looking for. “I’m busy with the hospital after school, you’ll deliver this meal to him won’t you?” Tsumiki Mikan worked at her parents hospital after hours. She had started doing so at high school, and before that she had been raised as a latch key kid. Not that her parents were neglectful or anything, it was normal for a lot of children to be raised that way. Perfectly normal.

However, Komaeda hesitated for a moment. There was another reason he did not like being around Mikan, she had a tendency… if you were putting it nicely to be completely reliant on others.

Komaeda did not want to rely upon others or be relied upon, it would interrupt his role as an observer. “I think Senpai would be happier to see a cute underclassmen than he would me, maybe you can just give it to him earlier…”

“Oh, I see. Even after I patched up all your wounds out of the kindness of my heart you don’t want to do anything for me? So basically I’m nothing to you. I stop existing the moment I stop being useful, right?” A typical Mikan spiral, she grabbed the sides of her face and began to lament again.The other reason it made him nervous to be around her was that Mikan was a master of the art of passive agression. “Ah… No, I was just thinking it would be a bother if senpai saw my face, but I’d rather both senpai than bother you, Tsumiki-san. A guy like that probably deserves whatever unpleasant encounters and misfortune is coming to him anyway, he’s basically bad karma walking around in human skin.” Komaeda surrendered as he took the box, he had lost the war of self depreciation. Mikan had schooled him once again on who was the student and who the master.

Except he did not walk much these days, because after dropping out of school he barely left te abandoned middle school that he slept in.

His parents still had a home, and they had no problem housing and supporting him until he got back on his feet, Senpai had just insisted on moving out. Even in a normal world with little trouble on a day to day basis, somehow that guy always found or made trouble for himself. 😈

A normal day passed at school. No espes, aliens, or time travelers were to be found. No mysterious transfer students appeared and started a new plot arc. Komaeda had almost fallen asleep in history though, and Fuyuhiko had to kick his desk leg from behind to wake him up.

As school ended, Fuyuhiko and him waited for Zenkichi at the gate. As they watched from afar, Zenkichi was speaking with Hansode, scratching at the back of his head innocently.

“So, do you want to go to dinner just the two of us?” Hansode asked quietly, holding her small hands on her chest.

“Huh? What’s the point of saying ‘just the two of us’ we always go out alone? It’d be murder on my wallet if we invited any more people.”

“Well, yeah I know but more like a special dinner.”

“Why?” Zenkichi continued, another oblivious scratch on his head. “Oh, are they having a special at the ramen stand? Like a sale or something? Did they add a new special to the menu.”

“No, me and you on a date.”

“The date today is the last day of school before golden week, but any day I spend with my best friend is special.”
“I want to go out with you.”

“”Wha-we’re already outside though.”As Fuyuhiko watched the conversation played out with his bag held over his shoulder he nearly flinched from pain. “That’s just brutal.”

“Oh, what are you talking about? Hitoyoshi-kun is really happy talking to his best friend.”

“I guess since you’re the king of only hearing what you want to hear, you  wouldn’t get it.” Fuyuhiko spat back at him.

“I’m hardly a king, but ahhhh that sounds so nice, like Kuzuryuu-san is praising me.” Komaeda side lightly clapping his hands together. “I hope it works out for the two of them. It’s a wonderful thing to see someone find happiness when their dreams come true.”

“As he leaned against the fence, Fuyuhiko’s head turned to Komaeda. “You got any dreams?” He tended to be concerned like that, like a naggy older brother. Well, one that had a family thatkilled people.

“Me?” Komaeda’s eyes widened in surprise, mouth falling open in a small gap. My dreams are… my happy dreams…  “No, I’m a nobody. I’m too insignificant to have a dream.”

“Nice dodge.” He looked down out of respect. “You know if you dropped the whole ‘nobody’ act and showed your true colors, I bet you’d make one helluva splash.”

“My colors splashing everywhere? How ugly.” Komaeda’s face suddenly turned unpleasant, for the briefest flash of emotion before he was back to smiling again. “It’s not an act, and I don’t have enough talent to make even a tiny ripple.”

“Have you ever tried?”

Komaeda yawned. “I’ll leave the trying to those who have real talent.” That was what Komaeda had said before falling asleep in history class incidentally, despite all his boasting of being timid and taking the easy way out he was quite bold, falling asleep in front of Fuyuhiko who was a stickler for the rules. A rule following Yakuza, if this were a story that mattered than he was Fuyuhiko would be quite the character.

“Sup losers!” Zenkichi said interrupting them with a beaming smile. It was like taking a spotlight to the face, too much for the already exhausted Komaeda.

“Are you calling us losers?” Fuyuhiko said defensively.

“Finally, Hitoyoshi-kun calls me a loser like I deserved to be called.” Komaeda said, happily.“I can’t walk home with you guys, Hansode and I are going for ramen.”

“Dude, you go for ramen with her every day I think she wanted to-” Fuyuhiko tried to explain.

However suddenly, Komaeda switched faces again, smiling wide enough to show his teeth and watering fro the corners of his eyes as he took Zenkichi’s warm, and strong feeling hands. “That’s so amazing! Your lifelong dream has finally come true, Hitoyoshi-kun! I”m so, so very happy for you…!”

Fuyuhiko cut through the moment, with his yakuza-like sharpness. “You know she was asking you on a date, right? It’s not nice to ignore a girl’s feelings like that when she puts them on the line.”

“Yeah, what’s wrong HItoyoshi-kun. I thought princess types were exactly your type of woman.” Komaeda said, still holding onto Zenkichi’s hand a moment longer than he needed to.

“Uhh… Shit, you caught me.” The normally bold Zenkichi suddenly made a weak looking face. “Well, she’s always trolling us, but you know she’s smart, and also from a really rich family. “

“So what you’re saying is she’s too good for you?” Fuyuhiko said, as he put his hand on his hip.

“Damn straight she is! I’m just… I’m just a normal guy. Anybody who looked at us could tell I’m not worth one second of her time, the divide between us is too great I could never catch up with her… No matter how many times I turn it over in my head, for some reason it just feels wrong.”

Hansode, no last name. An orphan with no particular background, she was adopted into a rich family and raised as one of their own. Her older brother Hanten is the first born son and heir so he takes care of most of the family matters, leaving Hansode to live life as a mostly normal girl free of any burdens. When she was younger she had no food to eat, so in her teenage years she was constantly eating but other than that and a spoiled girl’s playful personality she had no major quirks.

Hitoyoshi and Hansode had gotten along since they met on the first day of class, becoming instant best friends. Even Komaeda who had lived with him since he was two years old could not call him a best friend. He thought they got along well, he wanted them to be happy together so why… what was missing… “You’re acting unlike your normal self, Hitoyoshi-kun…you’d never stop chasing someone no matter how far the gap is between you.”

As he said that suddenly, the bells in Komaeda’s head became more intense. There was a lot of empty space in his head, there was probably missing brain matter, or parts that were deformed and did not grow to proper size, so words often echoed around easily and bounced around long after they were wanted. He suddenly felt another of his random headaches, as the shaking of his head increased.

When he closed his eyes he saw a scene. Him standing out in the rain, cold and alone as he tried to listen to the sound of bells over the rainwater. Then suddenly a warm hand took him and guided him out of the rain. He wanted to show his thanks, so he took a towel and slowly, reverently, wiped off his feet. He wondered how well he would have to clean that boy’s skin before the marks of his sin disappeared. Not just his feet, he wanted to wipe the towel slowly over every part of him.

Suddenly, Fuyuhiko was staring at his face and he was brought back to reality. “Dude, you okay? I mean it’s normal for you to zone out, but even by your standards that was especially weird.”

“I’m always exceeding your expectations, I’m so glad Kuzuryuu-san. That way you can never get bored of me being around you.” Komaeda said, almost like an automatic reply.

Zenkichi was watching him with a satisfied grin on his face. “I bet he was daydreaming about his soul mate again.”

“Mrrrrrp….” Komaeda did not have a response prepared, so he made an embarrassed noise, like the mewling of a cat.

“Hey, I thought you said you didn’t have dreams!” Fuyuhiko said, glaring at the other boy.

“Umm, you haven’t noticed that Komaeda is a liar by now? He’s a total unreliable narrator.” Zenkichi said, pointing a finger at the forehead of the other boy.

Hey.
Mean.

Zenkichi continued. “Lately he’s been having dreams about tall, dark, and mysterious. He’s totally going to meet him in real life and fall in love, his soul mate.”

“For a guy that’s oblivious to love you sure are a romanticist, Hitoyoshi-kun.’ Komaeda said back, sharpening his tongue again a she pulled it to the corner of his lips and pulled his lips tight until they were thin red lines. “Let’s stop talking about things that don’t matter like me and go back to ragging on Hitoyoshi-kun about his problems.”“Yeah pissing off Zenkichi is more fun, he fights back at least.” Fuyuhiko said, turning his glare back on the other boy.

“Hitoyoshi-kun it’s talent that you desire isn’t it? Compared to a princess type girl you’re inconsequential, and that makes you anxious. I understand that feeling.” Komaeda suddenly grew serious.“Jesus who gives a shit about talent? It doens’t matter a damn bit. For god’s sake, just face her head on. I thought you were a manlier guy than this, Zenkichi.” Fuyuhiko said, raising his voice.

“Your machismo could be considered a sort of talent as well, Kuzuryuu-san.” Komaeda said.

“If you think I’m manly you should see my sister.” Fuyuhiko spat back.

“Alright fine, us normal guys without talent what do we do, Komaeda?” Zenkichi said looking at the other boy.

Komaeda smiled, a simple smile hoping all things in the world were that simple. “Find happiness.” He curled his fingers again, as if wrapping them around individual invisible strings in the air. “The vast majority of society consists of talentless nobodies, but they’ve still managed to find some degree of happiness. See, you don’t need talent. Talent is merely a shackle, and the greater it is the more it obstructs your happiness. Even if Hansode is from a rich family, even if she’s the cloistered princess type that doesn’t mean she has a happy life. Life’s plus minus, is zero.”

“That’s… a good point. Maybe I should talk to her about it honestly, instead of avoiding it. Maybe together we’ll be able to figure out what it is, that’s missing.” As he spoke of his missing thing, despite how reassured he was something seemed empty about Zenkichi’s words.

They parted and headed in opposite directions. Komaeda and Fuyuhiko walking home together as Fuyuhiko casually held his bag over his shoulder. Komaeda was happy enough just to watch the small repetitive motions of Fuyuhiko’s bag bouncing up and down, and Fuyuhiko’s perpetually grumpy face in side profile.

Fuyuhiko spoke up first. As others always spoke up first Komaeda only passively reacted to them. “I’m impressed. Guess not everything that comes outta your mouth is noise.”

“Now that’s harsh.”

“Have you heard yourself when you start rambling? You’re so far off-the-wall it’s scary.”
“No, there must be a problem with my ears. I’ll add it to thelist of many other things that’s wrong with me.” Komaeda reached forward and swirled part of his swirling white hair in his finger, curling it around.

“Well you landed this one perfectly. I suppose.” Fuyuhiko stopped, turning his head to the other boy as they walked along the roadside.

“I suppose?” Komaeda stopped too. As much as he hated meeting the eyes of others, it felt natural to look into Fuyuhiko’s in that moment.

Then, click. They both raised their hands and hit their knuckles against one another. It was the normal thing to do in this situation. Komaeda was so happy that he had understood that basic social signal even with his faulty receiver, that he was ecstatic. He danced away holding his arms wide at his waste. “Ahhh, if only the world were free of talent.”

“Huh?”

“Think about it. If Hansode had just been born a normal girl, then Zenkichi wouldn’t have had to worry about working hard enough to earn her love.”

“Uh, I guess?”

“I…” Komaeda turned around. Suddenly, he let a little bit of the coldness that permeated his being show on his face. It was a mistake showing an unpleasant face to others, it was surely a mistake but he could not help it when unpleasant emotion welled up inside of him. He was an unpleasant existence at his core after all, and all he could do was spend his time continually repressing himself not engaging with others, and not being engaged with them so he did not interfere in their happiness. However, even that had its limits. As much as he hated it, he had the occasional reminder that he was human. Flesh and bone and not digital. “I despise talent. Were I able, I would erase all talent from the world entirely.” His motions were slow and mechanical as he swiveled around, like the tin man rebuilt without a heart who had forgotten how human emotinos worked, and whose own tears rusted up his joints. He took one slow step after another, closing the distance between him and Fuyuhiko at a pace that looked like a horror movie villain. He was sure with his white hair and deathly pale looks he would not be out of place appearing on the poster of a slasher movie. “WIthout talent, everyone would be able to lead modest lives, find a modest amount of happiness, don’t you think that would be wonderful?” He leaned over Fuyuhiko with his superior height, casting a shadow over him as he put a hand on the wall behind them blocking the other boy’s escape.

“Oi, Komaeda you bullying my little bro again.” Suddenly, a girl appeared. She had Fuyuhiko’s exact face, except on her the soft, round and cute looks fitted her appearance. SHe had the same color hair as well, except hers was longer. The heir to the Kuzuryuu clan, Fuyuhiko Natsumi. His protective and strong younger sister.

“Back off…” Fuyuhiko said.

“Huh?”

“I said back off already.” Fuyuhiko despite looking like a growling mutt in that moment, only softly put a hand on Komaeda’s chest and gently pushed him away. For a gangster, he was surprisingly respectful of fragile things. “Sorry about my sister she feels the need to stand up for me since she was always standing in between me and my parents.”Komaeda merely stared, in his empty gaze he was trying to figure out when his switch had been flipped the wrong way, and where he had gone wrong. It was like reviewing the steps of a dance backwards in his head, when he had two left feet, to try to find where and when he had stepped on Fuyuhiko’s toe.

“I take it back- you’re still a creep.” Fuyuhiko said, walking ahead without looking back.

Komaeda suddenly became afraid of what sort of eyes Fuyuhuiko would show him in that moment. Trying to check himself and process was not working, so instead another catlike smile appeared across his face as he tried to load up a new way to react, a more appropriate one. Even for a clueless guy like him. Innocently, he scratched at his cheek, and curled his finger. “Oh, uh, I’m sorry.”

“I mean it’s fine, it’s who you are.” The eyes that Fuyuhiko looked back with were surprisingly gentle. “Anyway whaddaya say we grab a drink.”

“Uh, we’re still in highschool.”

“They’re non alcoholic.”

“Uhh….” Komaeda still felt hesitant. Getting invited to hang out, not just as an obligation? That would mean Fuyuhiko wanted him around as an individual, as a distinct entity. He worried and worried.

Until Fuyuhiko spoke up again. “I don’t want you walking home alone anyway, there have been some rumors. Apparently a blonde terrorist is hiding out in our small town. Knowing your bad luck you’re bound to run into them, because you always somehow meet the worst person possible at the worst time possible. It’s a talent of your own.”

“What a vague… and phony rumor.” Komaeda accidentally let slip his honest impression. “Why would there be a terrorist in an ordinary town in the middle of nowhere like ours?”

“Who knows.” Fuyuhiko shrugged. “Lil sis back there warned me about it.”

“That’s right the only blonde you need in your life is your little sister!” Natsumi said, still trailing behind them from a safe distance.

“The boys reported back that the terrorist is a beautiful blonde woman, but with eyes so cold they could make your spine freeze.”

Komaeda put a finger on his lips. “Well that shouldn’t be a problem for me, since I’m completely spineless. I don’t see why some random teenager would be a terrorist, couldn’t she be a normal person that just stands out because she has blonde hair?”

“Well, you’re right she’s probably a dye job.” Fuyuhiko said, “Still a guy like you is no good on your own.”

“Sorry, to turn you down but I made plans first.” Komaeda said as he held up his lunch box. He knew Fuyuhiko had only said that with the best of intentions. “I’ve got to bring food to my senpai like a good underclassmen.”
“You’re not being bullied again, are you?” Fuyuhiko tilted his head.

“No, I think I’d rather this person bully me than show me kindess but eugh, he’s probably going to be nice to me.” Komaeda sighed, or rather he unintentionally let a sigh escape from his lips ruining his pleasant goodbyes. “You should spoil your little sister a little more, after all family can find happiness together as long as they’re still around.”

Ending on an enigmatic statement on purpose, that boy who made confusion into an art form so well he confused himself just as much as others, departed turning his back and disappearing until he became a white silhouette on the horizon.

Whenever he looked at Komaeda from a distance like that, Fuyuhiko could not shake the feeling that it was like a shinigami appearing on the edge of his vision, watching him and slowly stalking him until his day came.

It was this death like quality that made him want to accept Komaeda even if no one else would, because he knew the feeling of being utterly alone because the kind of life you were born into was too bad for most good folk to get caught up in.😈 『Nagito-chan I have a complaint.』

“You have a complaint for everything, senpai.”

『You make it sound like I’m grumpy, you’re getting my character all wrong, I take everything in stride with a smile, I do everything with a smile...』
“And you complain about everything with a smile on your face.”『See that’s right… no, wait that’s not what I meant to say!』Kumagawa Misogi sat up finally and spread his legs on the edge of the desk he was sitting on. He had tied several desks together to function as a bed. Komaeda sat in a dilapidated middle school room, with white cloths that covered every piece of furniture besides the desks. The place was the very picture of death, and that was a lot coming from Komaea who was macabre by nature. 『This series is about quick paced banter, but there’s nobody to banter with, so the narrator just rambles on and on between the dialogue.』

“Senpai, I don’t know what you’re talking about. This is why you shouldn’t spend all day alone talking to yourself in an abandoned building.”

I did know what he was talking about, and I thought it was rather rude. Kumagawa Misogi was a stupid face. No, wait I can be more mature than him. Kumagawa Misogi had a child looking face, his cheeks were round, his eyes pools of dark blue like indiscernible water you could stare into and never tell its true depths. His hair was shaggy and parted more to one side, he had twin antannaes small ones extending from the part in his hair at the center of his head, and he wore an old black uniform from last year, unbuttoned and disheveled with the tie missing.

Just like this room, he looked like he belonged in the realm of the dead too. A stretch of water so still it had become stagnant, it stank of something foul. Kumagawa and Komaeda stared at one another. Each of them staring at the other side of the still water.

An optimist that sounded like a pessimist.
A pessimist that sounded like an optimist.
A boy with a pitch black shadow of a silhouette with a pure white smile.
A boy with a pure white silhouette that could not smile properly without alarming others.

Both of them stared at one another, in silence as if they feared that if one of them moved it would ripple the still water and cause the other to disappear. If the other disappeared then surely a world would be destroyed and that was unforgivable.However, Kumagawa’s hunger won out and he raised his hand. As he raised his hand, Koameda could swear he heard the jingle of chains. He picked up the lunch box that Komaeda had brought and started to messily eat with his bare hands.

A rude boy and a polite boy.
Or rather
A boy who cared far too much about the opinions of others and a boy that didn’t care at all.

『So anyway to continue complaining....』

“Do you always have to force your unpleasantness on others, senpai?”

『That was just an excuse! I just want to spend time talking with my beloved kouhai!』

“Talking should be enjoyable for both people.”

Another shallow clown, a common breed, Kumagawa Misogi laughed. 『I’m having lots and lots of fun so far, how about you?』“I don’t know, whether I have fun or not is irrelevant.”『Fine, fine, I’ll be a good senpai for once. What do you want to talk about?』

“For the first time.”『Nagito-chan always shows his petty side just for me, it’s so pretty, pretty petty, petty pretty.』

“Yeah so…” Komaeda gripped his head again, thinking of the conversation that he had earlier, with the two other boys who called themselves his friend. Whether he required such a feeling he did not know yet, he simply wanted to stay undecided not getting too close or drifting too far away from either boy. “Let’s talk about love. Oh, but I guess you’re a terrible person to ask about that, since the girl you loved jumped off the roof last year.”

Komaeda said with his trademark insensitivity.
Kumagawa responded with his trademark smile.『Yep, yep, I’m a special kind of senpai. Just do the opposite of whatever advice I give you, that’s the path to true happiness.』

Kumagawa Misogi was a thoughtful and attentive senpai who looked after his younger classmates. He often skipped school and interfered in others business, and because of that got into endless trouble trying to help others.

Then one day, his girlfriend threw herself off the roof of the school building.

The next day Kumagawa MIsogi whose only aspiration was to graduate without repeating a year, stopped showing up to school, and moved out of his parent’s house to spend all of his time sleeping in an abandoned middle school classroom that was slowly decaying away. He barely left, once Komaeda did not visit him for two weeks and found him almost starving to death. Every time he thought of him, Komaeda’s heart fluttered with worry, being close to such a person was painful, it was agonizing, but Komaeda could not bring himself to give up on this person either.

“I’ve never been in love before…” Komaeda’s fingers curled into his hair, starting to shake. “Lately though, I’ve been having dreams where I’m with a faceless boy and it feels like… a half that I had forgotten was missing came back to me again.”『Are you sure he’s faceless? Maybe his face is just so boring it’s hard to remember.』

“He’s not boring!” Komaeda suddenly snapped. It was rare for him to raise his voice, even in comedic banter situations, but for some reason he knew that boy he did not remember would feel awful if somebody called him forgettable. “Am I… am I terrible for forgetting him?”Komaeda had drawn closer to Kumagawa without even realizing it. Kumagawa’s oddly shaped and rough hands reached out for him, cupping both of his cheeks. 『Nagito-chan, you’re just thinking of your own happiness for once. You’re not wrong.』

“I feel like… I was always just thinking of my own selfish desires and forcing them onto others.”『No, you didn’t...』His voice fell to a whisper. 『Nagito-chan is so considerate, you were always thinking of others.』“Only because I wanted them to look my way.”『Everyone wants that. You’re no different from everyone else.』

“Yeah I’m… I’m just a face in the crowd. Nothing more, nothing less, nothing…” As his face was held by Kumagawa he noticed how much he had come to let himself drape over Kumagawa. It was terrifying how comfortable he had become. It was like cozying up to himself. He did not want to feel comfortable with himself, even for a minute, because he knew he did not deserve it. “Hey, Kumagawa-senpai, what is love like?”『Ah… It’s everything. I guess.』

Then I’m nothing… Komaeda thought, but he did not say it. He changed the subject instead. “Hey, I’m worried… There’s a rumor of a terrorist in town, maybe you shouldn’t be sleeping in abandoned buildings. What if they make this their hideout?”『Teenage terrorists, what is this a manga? Even if there were such people, it’s not any of your concern. Just leave it alone, you’re not the main character, and nobody would like a main character who relies only on luck in the first place.』

Those words were denying his entire existence, but being denied was more comforting to Nagito than being accepted. He finally stopped leaning on his senpai and stood up on his own. He needed to get home on time to clean again. He was a failure at many things, but he did not want to be a failure of a house husband.

As he stood in the doorway though, Komaeda glanced back and finally realized there was another person in the room. “Umm… Hi. Senpai, what’s a girl doing here? Did you kidnap someone?”『There’s no way I’d do something like that! What kind of image do you have of me!』“If I told you, you’d just whine more.”『I don’t whine! Blame my voice actor my voice is just naturally this high pitched! It’s a part of their style!』Kumagawa kicked his legs, before settling. 『I would never do anything bad towards a girl, you know pervert characters aren’t as popular in jump these days. She’s a relative of somebody close to me, I’m watching over her for their sake.』

“I see…” For some reason, despite that excuse being utter nonsense Komaeda did not feel like questioning it. Kumagawa’s entire existence was nonsense, it was basically a weapon to him at this point.

When he finally left, the girl with the paperbag around her head lifted up and stared at him through the same cut out holes. “Are you sure you’re alright with this? By clinging to happiness, he’s becoming more passive, and less and less like the Komaeda-senpai that you love.”『How come you only talk when other people aren’t around? You’re the reason why everybody thinks I’m a crazy guy who talks to himself all day.』

“I think your own characterization is your fault. It’s not good to blame others, seeeeeenpaaaii.” The faceless girl said. “Besides, adults are scary. I get shy around them. I only like people my own age, I’m only seven years old you know.”『You always use that as an excuse! For a seven year old you’re sure going through a rebellious phase!』

Those two were always bickering.
Because they hated each other.
It was different from the good natured banter he had in the past.
They were genuinely trying to sink their teeth into one another.However, they were still tied together.
A chain from his wrist extended all the way to hers, and screws secured them in place. 😈 “I don’t understand you.”『I’m not that hard to understand, I’m just a normal cute boy, with a cute smile.』

“You won’t leave that middle school for food, but you’ll leave it to buy manga.” The faceless girl complained, her face still covered in a mask as she trailed behind them in a crowd of faceless people, insignificant npcs not even worth describiing.『I can go a few weeks without food before I starve, I’m used to it.』That was Kumagawa MIsogi’s most commonly used phrase, I’m used to it. 『If I were to go just one week without shonen jump, my soul would starve.』“Bold of you to assume you have a soul.”『Bold of you to use new memes like that, you copycat.』

“Hey, senpai.”『What?』

“Can you change your face a little bit? I don’t really like being stared at with such scorn, that is to say it’s not an enjoyable kind of despair.”『Oh, which part of my face should I change?』

“All of it.”『That’s impossible! Hey, hey, you’re the one walking around with a paper bag on her face that’s even more attention drawing.』He fell to her petty games, and even made a show of pointing at her, you know like a mature person.

“It’s not my fault. It seems you’ve forgotten you ripped my face off.”『All I did was take your makeup off.』

“Uh, that’s basically the same thing, duh? Can you imagine me being seen in public without makeup? Gag.”The banter would have continued, if it were not for Kumagawa suddenly and by chance brushing up against the shoulder of another. He turned his head just in time to see something flash past his eyes.

“Senpai, senpai!” A similar voice but different to the faceless girl called out. “Mi! So! GI! Senpai! I came all the way down here to find you! Can you actually imagine me wanting to see a guy like you again? Doesn’t that just make you want to just drown in despair? Me, putting one of my perfect hands in the muckity muck to reach out to you of all people? Wasting my one and only spider’s thread on you? I guess it’s your fault for falling in love with a spider, but like one of those metaphorically hot spiders like the black widow.”

Suddenly, a voice was ranting behind him.

“Come on senpai! I don’t wanna sound all stalkery, but gimme a huggy, huggy!” She screamed like an energetic girl, then suddenly threw her arms around him from behind.

However, besides feeling a momentary nudge when she bumped into him a moment ago, Kumagawa MIsogi did not see or hear any of it. That is to say, as usual he saw nothing, and was nothing.

“Senpai, don’t go staring off into space like that. If you stop then I stop.” The faceless girl said, jangling the chain that connected their wrist.『I just… remember an old line from a poem I like.』Kumagawa let out a cold breath, it looked like a part of his soul was escaping from his mouth, he wanted to seal his lips shut and let anything else escape but he could not. 『Sorry, I have a feeling that we won’t see each other again. Destiny is laughing at us.』
As he said that, the claws that had dug into his back, that were holding onto him tight enough to dig into his skin and pull beautiful red colors from it, slowly loosened and then let go. Kumagawa was able to walk forward again, leaving that girl behind.

“What’s up with the sudden moody monologue?” The faceless girl asked. “It’s just not right when comedic types like you suddenly get too self serious, it totes makes my skin crawl.”The moment he was by her side again, Kumagawa did not bother to banter back. He simply leaned all his weight on her.『Hey, Ryokai-chan. Carry me home. I want to sleep the rest of the way.』

“All you ever do is sleep.”『I live a very tiring life.』

“All you ever do is read manga.”『I’m a very active and responsive reader, it takes a lot out of me.』

“I’m not carrying you home, you louse.”『Fine, fine, I’ll sleep walk home. I can’t sleep again, Faceless girl tell me a story.』

“A story? Well Monokuma lived in a village of-”『No, not that one. Tell me a story that only you could tell.』

“A story I would tell you always ask for such nonsensical things… And so the boy fell in love.”

Kumagawa turned around and looked over his shoulder. There was a girl standing there watching him but he could not see her. Yet still, he stared at the exact same empty spot of air she was standing in as if he wished her to be there.

“Yes, he fell fiercely and passionately in love with the girl who he had met just by accident. Neither of them were meant to be characters in each other’s stories. As he walked alongside her, he knew that if he stayed by her side, and forever wed his unutterable nonsense words to her perishable breath, his world would never be able to return to its previous state of being. So he waited, listening for a little longer, to the grey background noise that always filled the world around him. The senseless, ugly, noise that had always plagued him suddenly became music to him. So, he leaned in and kissed her, and both of them died in that moment, and in that moment both of them were reborn.”Kumagawa’s lips trembled for a moment as he gazed at empty space, as if something inside of it had been made to not exist he was reminded of something - an elusive rhythmn, a a fragment of lost words he heard somewhere sometime ago, he tried to make it take shape in his mouth. His lips parted like a dumb man and he struggled with it, but they made no sound, and whatever he wanted to say was lost and became nothing more than more nonsense.

『...』

“Give me some reader feedback.”

The girl who was watching him without being seen had already thrown a tantrum and run away. So, he was left with the girl with no face.『Good, a love story. I like those.』

“The author deceived you, at first it seems like just another repetitive shounen but it becomes a love story.”『How unexpected. You’re a good narrator.』

“I’ve gotten bored of narrating though, a third tier character like Komaeda-senpai can take over for all I care.”

Hey.

『Is there any more?』

"What more needs to be told. The world continued to spin."As they continued to talk, the blonde girl was running in the opposite direction. She had confronted him on a whim, and now she was feeling the unexpected aftereffects of that whim. She was a fully grown girl, dressed in a red and black uniform whose curves accentuated how much of an adult body she had and yet at the same time, she could barely handle any of her emotions like a child.

She overflowed with them.
She was a brat, basically.

She threw a tantrum and ran away when things did not go the least bit her way, but she hated when things went her way just as much. Everybody in the crowd was nothing more than mechncial pre progammed dolls to her, like the empty shells that were programmed into a video game and resticted to pre-planned routes and a certain limited number of reactions.

She ran through them, wishing she could stomp over all of them. If toys were not interesting to her, she destroyed them, that was the kind of terrible girl she was. And because she was so terrible she had ended up all alone.

However, eventually running she ran into the one who was also alone with her. He stood tall above her, an imposing figure with red eyes, even though his hair had been cut to a short and spiky look. He wore the same suit that he always did, but there was something not right about his appearance, even though he was tall, dark, sleek and handsome no matter what angle you looked at something was missing. It was like he was half there and half gone.

Two bright target eyes glowed at her. Depsite being taller though, he was not any more mature. In a petty way, he said. “I told you that wasn’t going to work.” He had just let it happen, because he wanted to say I told you so. He was passive like that. Even things he knew would fail from the beginning, he had a habit of just watching them without interfering.『 That’s frustrating isn’t it… The world ignores me, and keeps on spinning no matter how much I want to stop, or to just end it all now. 』“So the world continues to spin.”Junko leaned on the much taller man, like he was a pole for her to drape off of. “Hinaaaataaaa-senpai! I’m bored now. Why didn’t senpai notice me? Like, how could he not I'm me.”As Izuru moved for the first time, red squares trailed his small and subtle movements. “That’s confusing to me as well, as you are quite loud.”

“Ugh, you’re useless.”“Hm? Didn’t you used to flirt with me all the time? What’s with you? Lately all you do is insult me.” Izuru said, staring at her with his eyes, even glowing bright red they somehow managed to look cold.

“Yeah, but it’s no fun unless Misogi-senpai is looking, and getting all filled with despair at the thought of losing me." As she talked about another, she got so overcome with emotion she embraced herself and shivered with it. Kamukura observed her with dull eyes still, the fact that he once claimed to understand her made him feel like this was divine punishment for making such a claim filled with hubris. She had been restrained and focused until a moment ago, and now she was just joking around and acting like herself again, like everything she was doing in this digital world was nothing more than a whim, a precalculated whim though as they had been planning this for months. He would have to watch her even more closely, which was annoying because he was chained to be the babysitter of someone he disliked. As he continued to contemplate, Junko rudely spoke over his inner monolgoue. “Besides if you enjoy it because being infected with that dumbass’s personality made you attention hungry, then it totally ruins the joke.”

“The joke? There was a joke…? Ah, attention hungry? Is that my characterization now?” Hinata Izuru tilted his head one way, and then the other, as if bits and pieces of his brain were sloshing together in a mixture and he was trying to mix it a little more until it became more consistent. “We’re on the deepest layer, I told you it would be awhile before we could interact.”

“I would have listened but I got booored.” She whined again. Suddenly, her expression too dropped away from its usual energetic girliness and as the corners of her eyes twisted she looked quite cold too. “Well, a world where senpai ignores me is no good. There’s no saving it. I have no choice to destroy it.”

“...That’s your solution to everything. Jeez…” For a moment, Hajime’s expasperated expression was present on his face before he walked ahead. “World destroyer, at least try to keep it in check, I already told you we can’t kill them, and don’t say I got bored so I didn’t listen again.”

“Well then why don’t you have this entire boring exposition dump by yourself if I can’t use the word boring?” She tugged at his arm. “Pleeeease, can’t I just kill them a little bit?”

Izuru sighed again. “How does one kill someone a little bit?” His voice, no his entire existence was dry, the vampire known as Enoshima Junko had dug her fangs into him and left him a shriveled up completely dry existence. Yet he continued to exist.

“You’re the most boring terrorist, like the worst ever.”

“You’re the only one who aspires to be good at being a terrorist, Enoshima.” Hinata quickly said back, before the two of them had spotted the boy they were tailing before Junko ran off on her own and Izuru did nothing to stop her.

A boy with blonde spiky hair.
A boy who looked like the main character of this story.
HItoyoshi Zenkichi.

It was not Junko, but Kamukura however who made the first move. He approached from behind, wrapping his arms around the boy, like an inky black shadow that had come to wrap its tenderils around him and consume him.Zenkichi wanted to struggle back, but that boy did not do anything to him. All Izuru did was whisper into his ear.

“Kurokami Medaka is waiting for you."

That was enough.
Suddenly, Hiyosohi Zenkichi remembered what it was that he had forgotten, why this world was so empty for him, why he was fundamentally lacking as a person. Without her around, there was something that made him, him, that was missing.
People see themselves in others, they disappear when there’s no one to interact with.
All alone, Hitoyoshi Zenkichi disappeared from this world, without leaving a single trace behind.
That was just a metaphor though, he left behind his bloodied uniform jacket because those two terrorists needed a crime scene.

At that exact moment, Hansode waited for a boy to treat her to ramen who would never come.

Several hours later, Komaeda Nagito was waiting on the doorstep to his house. “It’s unlike Htioyoshi-kun to stay out this late, has he suddenly become a delinquent?” Komaeda knew there was no reason to worry, because Zenkichi was a much stronger more worthy existence than he was.

Yet, he found himself sitting on the stairway that led up to their house, clutching his knees as he waited.

In the distance he could hear bells again.

“Are they funeral bells… haha, shut up and stop being so morbid Komaeda…”Then, suddenly he whispered.

“It’s like… the bell of fate rings. It's ringing for me... nah, no way would it ring for me.”That night Hitoyoshi Zenkichi never returned home, and Komaeda fell asleep on the stairs like a lost white cat curled up waiting for him.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Hitoyoshi Zenkichi’s funeral portrait was a picture from the beginning of this year that he and Hansode took together. She reached up and pinched his cheek, while he did the same. Nagito Komaeda found it odd how quickly those two became friends, less than a year.

He had the feeling even if he had an entire normal life span he would never get that close to another human being. Friend was difficult enough, he could barely say the word but ‘best friend’ he would probably choke on those words before he said them.

It had been different for Hitoyoshi Zenkichi and Hansode. When he asked her for her notes to study she would give him the wrong notes on purpose and cause him to fail the exam. When he asked her to cover for him because he needed to leave class to help someone, she would raise her hand immediately the moment the teacher walked into the room and announce Hitoyoshi Zenkichi was absent. If Hitoyoshi told her a secret, the whole school would know about it sooner or later. They both went out to buy ramen, and Hansode would eat both of their bowls and then make Hitoyoshi pay for it.

Hitoyoshi sighed several times and Hansode got the nickname of worst best friend ever. Yet, no matter how many times those two argued and fought they were always closer for it. Komaeda did not want to know what the difference was, what he was fundamentally lacking in, no he already knew it was just painful to admit. When Hansode hurts others, it’s on purpose. She knows she’s doing it. Sometimes Nagito Komaeda wondered if he had full control, and full knowledge, if he knew more than others did rather than always lagging behind, failing to pick up on cues, socially and in all other aspects what actions would he be like? If he had talent, what would he use that talent to do?   A stupid thing to wonder. You would probably just hurt others, it’s not a matter of good luck or bad luck, good experiences or bad experiences, good brain or bad brain, talented or untalented it’s simply who you are as a person. That was why despite having lived in the same household and walked to school with Zenkichi every day, he was not standing in front row of the mourners. He hid amongst the crowd instead as another face in them. Several people had shown up, even some of the students who bullied him last year, a faceless mob of mourners.Komaeda could only stand to make it through about half the ceremony. He slipped through the crowd and left out the back door. Sometimes, when people did not want to make a fuss in front of others they left to cry in private but that was not what Komaeda was doing. The most his face could manage was a small tightening of his thin lips into a frown.

Because what he felt was not sadness. It would be a disgrace to the human emotion of sadness to call it that. It was a feeling of loss like the loss of gravity, the loss of all color, all noise and sound, like his body simply wanted to reject all sensation.That morning, a man dressed in a black suit appeared before him. “Hitoyoshi Zenkichi is dead.”Then, he simply walked away. Komaeda let him. He felt neither rage towards the injustice of his death, nor sadness towards the news. He did not even remember the face of the person who had told him. Simply that feeling of loss. He was keeping the hole inside of him covered wit the warmth that was Hitoyoshi Zenkichi, and then suddenly the bandages were torn off and the wound was exposed again. Loss.
Zenkichi.
I lost you.
Once again… He did not even question the again. Rather than sadness at Zenkichi, the pain he must have suffered to die, the loneliness that was death, all he could feel was abandonment, set adrift. Zenkichi must have chosen to leave him. Again and again, just like everybody else they chose to leave him behind.

Logically, he knew that was not the case though. And he felt shame for feeling presumptuous enough to miss Zenkichi’s presence from his life, to assume Zenkichi would want to be around him. That shame became chains heavier than anything else, too heavy to even move, so he sat on the outside of the building.

The sensation of heaviness, the sensation of weightlessness, both of them were too much to bear so of course his body cycled between them wildly. If he had to state his feelings, he would say that despite Zenkichi being somebody the whole school came to mourn, despite him dying as someone everybody loved, Komaeda felt no love in that room at all.

That’s right there was no love in death, none at all. The only thing he felt was a reminder of his own emptiness.

Then suddenly, a bottle was thrown at his head. “Hey, Komaeda. You look like a corpse right now how about we bury you with that idiot Hitoyoshi?”

The bullies that had picked on him last year. Beacuse he had stepped out of the crowd he was standing out again. “God what’s with that awful face you’re making? A creepy kid like you doesn’t even know how to cry at a funeral correclty.”

Komaeda had been so lost in thought he had lost sight of his own face. He had no idea at all, how he was reacting to it. What he was showing and what he was concealing, what mask he wore.

“It’s probably your fault he died, you goddamn Shinigami. There’s a reason only Yakuza hang out with you, look what happened to a normal good guy like Zenkichi.”There was a reason Komaeda had been bullied for so long in the past. It was because when people hurled insults at him like this, he did not find it within himself to disagree. In the past when his he was kicked, when his head was forced down to the floor to bow, when he was dragged across the floor and thrown by his hair his only reaction to this, and in this situation too on the day of Zenkichi funeral he only had one reaction inside of him. His reaction to this and everything else, he finally turned his head back to them and laughed softly, a hollow laughter that echoed through the empty caverns of his body, there was so little meat between his bones he could hear them rattling.

“What kind of guy laughs at a funeral? Goddamn creepy.”

“If you had been the one to die rather than Hitoyoshi everybody would be better off, why don’t you disappear already?”Cruel words, but because they were telling him things he already knew, Komaeda just continued to laugh at the redundancy of those statements.

The funeral was being watched by two more observers. Observers was the best term to define them, though they had taken to calling themselves terrorists in a dramatic fashion. Enoshima Junko still dressed in a black and red uniform, and Hinata Izuru wearing the black and white suit and tie he always wore. It had been raining outside, so Izuru stood holding an umbrella over Junko’s head. That kind of arrangement worked out as Enoshima Junko was a diva who expected others to do everything for her (diva and master manipulator were interchanable terms) and Izuru liked the soft repetitive sensation of the rain falling down upon him, the way it slicked his spiky hair down, and the steady rhythmn of noises it made.

“Well, it looks like your plan to break him didn’t work, big guy.” Enoshima Junko said, standing with her arms crossed over her ample chest.

“I see. Maybe I should have run up to him and acted awkwardly like everything was normal and tried to drag him back by hand like a true strategic mastermind.” Izuru Hinata merely reflected her own accusations back at her like a mirror.“Oi, that was just on purpose. I wreck my plans all the time on purpose you know.”

“That was weird though even by your standards, Enoshima.”

“I don’t think a guy who has glowing red target eyes, who took hair care tips from the grudge girl and spends all day staring watching paint dry in his room has any business calling me a weird girl.”“I don’t watch the paint dry, I watch the shadows from the windows lengthen, and it’s relaxing. A necessity after having to deal with your high pitched and irritating screams all day.” “Ssssh, I know how to whisper. I just play the role of a loud and obnoxious teenage girl on purpose, it’s part of my image y’know.”

“That’s a very convenient excuse you keep using, I suppose it’s easy to claim everything was on purpose after the fact, but still stop distracting me.”

“Awe, but distractions are the best.”“That’s what I mean, after Kurokami Medaka told us to cooperate on this project together I thought you would resist it with every fiber of your being, and instead you simply went ‘okay.’ Then you actually did your half of the programming work, enough that I thought it would be managable to bring you here. Yet, the moment we reached the lowest level you ran off on your own and acted illogically. That’s the first time I’ve seen you act that energetic in months.”

“I’m only helping you out because neither you nor Kurokami Medaka could do this. The only one who can destroy the world is me, Enoshima Junko.”

“Yes, you’re the only one who can destroy the world in a childish tantrum. How special of you.” The usually expressionless Izuru was able to display his irritation in that moment quite well. He felt proud of himself, slowly he was learning. “You were just being impatient again weren’t you?”

“Ehhh???”

“You don’t know how to deal with situations where people don’t give you exactly what you want the moment you want it. You know how to manipulate people, but not to confront them, and definitely not to communicate. So, when Kumagawa resisted you, you just put on that ridiculous act like everything was normal and threw a loud tantrum trying to get him to notice you.”

“What kind of brat do you think I am, senpai?”

“No matter how much time passes, you’ll always have the heart of a middle shooler or high schooler. Your genius and heart are not being kept at balance." “You don’t get it, you still don’t understand me.”

“Why I ever wanted to understand you in the past is beyond me now.”Enoshima Junko reached out past the umbrella into the rain, holding her red claws out as if she was trying to catch those raindrops even though she knew they were digital. Her body itself was digital as well as in the real world that hand was missing from her body. In the real world too, something essential was missing, an entirely unique existence that she of all people had taken an interest in. A heartless doll just like her, but unlike her that person was always laughing, always smiling, always having fun.

A liar by nature, the only thing she had ever been true to was her own desires. That boy was the opposite of her, a liar too but the only thing he had ever been true to was his own emotions, they were ugly, repugnant, and only caused others suffering. An entirely heavy existence, everybody who came into contact with him got dragged down. Being with him was like continually drowning in unfamiliar emotions, not even being slowly pulled under the surface by heavy chains but rather having her head pushed down all at once, while she kicked at the water, clawed, and resisted. However to her, that movement that caused ripples in the water was much more beautiful than still glass like water.

Just because they were similar did not mean they instantly clicked like two oddly shaped puzzle pieces meant only for each other. If it had been like that, Junko would have hated it for sure. Rather, they both saw missing parts of themselves in each other, and they both tried to take it away. Her hands reached into his chest, and sunk into his skin like she was melting, and his arms wrapped around her and failed to let go.When they hurt each other it was not like they licked each other’s wounds either, they were just as likely to throw salt into the wounds and laugh as they were to try to comfort the other.Yet after all of that, after all the times they were wounded and had wounded each other, just to taste one another’s warmth suddenly Enoshima was cut off from it. Kumagawa Misogi’s bad habit, he had a tendency to disappear suddenly and this time he went away to some far off place without her. Why go be miserable alone when we could be miserable together? She did not understand him, in a way that she could ponder him again and again. She thought, watching the rain fall. Falling things were just not as beautiful when she was watching from afar alone. It seemed lonely, impersonal, falling together, deeper and ever deeper together would be much more fun.“It’s his fault you know, he told me to live over and over again and just when I had finally started to think about it he disappeared. He needs to take responsibility…” Enoshima Junko was closing her hand so hard, that her rail nails dug into her skin and left thin red trails of blood. “Because I did everything I could to make this world interesting, ending the world, killing my class, and even tried to kill myself but none of it was all that interesting in the end. The only time… the world changed just a little bit was when I was around him… it has to be him, the times I spent with him, they’re something real, when everything else in the world is nothing.”

“You’re searching for something real in a virtual world then.”“I’m just searching for something interesting, as I’ve always done. Even if I have to destroy the world to get it.”

“What if he’s happier here? Without you? Did you hear the backstory Nagito came up for him in this world, the girl he loved threw herself off the roof.”

“That’s obviously me. He’s making himself absolutely miserable without me.”

“It’s Anshin’in-san.” Izuru coldly cut her off without any hesitation at all. “Not you. The parallel would be to her. For Kumagawa-senpai it’s always going to be about Anshin’in-san, because she’s his root. She was the first person to find him, the first person to connect with him. You were found by Kumagawa Misogi, but he was found by Anhin’in-san first.”

“Oh, now you’re just being petty. No wonder you get referred to as a god, Mr. High and Mighty pants.”

“Pants…” Izuru repeated quietly.

“I noticed you targeted Hitoyoshi-kun first of all people. After all this time you’re still jealous of him, aren’t you?”

“Jealous…”

“What if he’s happier here without you?” Enoshima Junko stuck her tongue out and twisted her face up as she mocked his serious voice without any inflection. “That same logic applies to you as well. Komaeda-senpai could have imagined any scenario but he imagined a world where you never even existed. Do you know why, it’s because HItoyoshi-kun Medaka’s you.”

“He Medakas me…?”

“His existence renders your own pointless because he’s just inherently better. When he subjected himself to human experimentation, he only asked for an ability that neutralizes luck. He tries to understand others without getting angry or lashing out. He’s a normal guy who doesn’t feel inferior at all times. He entered the flask plan for the sake of the girl he loved, but he saved her instead of stabbing her with spears. It’s like Hitoyoshi-kun and Medaka-chan’s existence is to rub it in our faces how terrible and petty we are.”

“I really dislike when you refer to us as the same.”

“Oh, you can feel dislike now too? Awe you’re growing into a big boy already, somebody’s been drinking his milk.” She teased, before her eyes sharpened on him once again. “The only reason Hitoyoshi-kun and Komaeda-senpai aren’t an item is because he happened to meet Medaka-chan and become obsessed with her. You only won out by pure chance. If he was with Hitoyoshi-kun he’d be much more happier, and yet you chose to kill Hitoyoshi-kun first.”“That’s enough. You and I didn’t come down here to rescue our boyfriends, we came to destroy the world.” Izuru changed the subject, finally turning away and bringing the umbrella with him as a way to get Enoshima to follow him. When she did, he sighed and said a familiar phrase. “Besides, we can psychoanalze each other all day and we’ll make no progress at all… this is pointless.”

“Awe, but it’s so fun though…” Junko kicked her legs with an extra splash in the rain to catch up with him, holding her hands against her chest still as she did so. Kumagawa had once said these words to her. To me the world is like a dark night that swallows everything. But since you came into my life… and you were so kind to find me. She had thought that statement incredibly backwards when he said it though. To her the world was like a pitch black night, where it did not matter if everything was swallowed or not. She had never seen any light in this world in the first place. There was nothing to lose because there was nothing to begin with, no emotions, no light, no hope, an entirely stagnant world. Suddenly, a single star had fallen from the sky. She had picked it up from the ground and held it in her hands, and saw how brilliant that light was, and held it close to her even though it burned her hands. Slowly, she realized it was not the world, but rather herself who had nothing. She could just not see anything around her. When she was given a little bit of illumination, she started to see things she had never seen before, and slowly the ice around her heart started to melt. The ice that was keeping her frozen in place, that threatened to devour her and make her unmoving forever, it was melted by his warmth. Then, as quickly as the star had come and fallen from the sky, its like had flickered out, and the only person she had to blame was herself for holding it too close to herself, for smothering it. “Pointless things can be fun too, that’s what Misogi was always saying…”

Just to get a little bit of that warmth back, just to see that light, she would not mind burning the whole world. Truly that was the romanticist inside of her speaking.“So in the end this is still just a game to you.” Without even looking back, Izuru gave his harsh assessment.

Enoshima Junko smiled, beaming at the back of his head. “No, it’s rehabilitation. Despair rehabilitation.” Kamukura merely snorted because she was back to saying weird things again, but she refused to explain whatever she meant by that. The last words were meant to be heard only by her, she muttered them quietly. “For both Misogi and myself.”

Because happiness was just something that people clung to, a reason to stay sleeping, young and beautiful forever like Endymion under the moon. However, it was despair that made them move, it was despair that made them change and grow up.Just as she had started to think about growing up with him, he had fallen asleep and tried to dream a happy dream. 😈 “Goddamnit. Komaeda what were you going to do if I didn’t chase those guys away?” Fuyuhiko said, standing his hands in the pocket of his suit as he sat back and forth.

“Nothing. I don’t think they were going to kill me, I mean killing someone at a funeral is just bad manners. It’d take attention away from mourning Hitoyoshi-kun.” Komaeda said, looking back up at Fuyuhiko. His hair had become streaked with water and weighted down due to the rain, and he hoped that the rainwater washing over him might look like tears so at least Fuyuhiko would not think he was insensitive.

“Idiot! They were throwing trash at you!”

“Well, it’s only natural that one throws trash at a garbage can.”Fuyuhiko made a noise through his gritted teeth, but rather than say anything in his anger he just quickened his pacing back and forth. “If people are pushing you around like that, cause a little bit of a fuss at least then I can find you and help you.”

“I don’t want to make any noise. Besides, I don’t think the bullies were doing anything I disagee with. I think it would be better for everybody if I were to just become invisible. They’re trying to beat down my rough edges so I blend in with the crowd more, really they’re doing me a favor.” Komaeda said, as he finally stood up to observe the side profile of Fuyuhiko’s face, close enough to see his freckles as he could not grasp the anger he was feeling right now.

“You realize if you’re invisible next time your dumb ass gets lost nobody’s ever going to find you.’

“That’s fine…” Komaeda said, eyes vacant and empty. He wondered what was the purpose of him having eyes in the first place, even though he was always looking he never saw, and he was sure if there were sut two dark holes in his head they would convey the same amount of emotion to others. His face emaciated, with shallow cheeks and skin pulled tightly over it already felt more like a skull than anything else. “There was nothing for them to find in the first place.”

“God how do I always end up discussing philosophy around you I fucking hate philosophy.”

“That’s not true, Kuzuryuu-san for a gangster you are rather sensitive.”

“No, listen to me. Natsumi said the boys reported back to her. Zenkichi didn’t just die in an accident, he was murdered.”

No surprise showed across his face. Yet, he still said in a tone that mocked the shock a normal person might feel, “No way…I thought it was an accident.” He was certain, his bad luck had gotten to Zenkichi before him.“Nope. They messed him up real bad too, made it look like he was crushed by falling beams.”

Falling… Crushed… for some reason those words resonated with him, but he did not want to think about it. Words of destruction resonated him because he was by nature a destructive existence that was probably all it was.

“I’ve gotta go. You watch over things here till the end, okay?”

At that, a bead of sweat ran down Komaeda’s face. That day just like any other day Zenkichi had walked away from him without returning, and now Fuyuhiko was showing him his back. He reached out suddenly without thinking and grabbed him by the arm, jerking it back. “Go where? We’re still in the middle of a funeral.”

“Where the hell do you think? To catch the bastard who did this.”

“You can’t- it’s too dagnerous. Let the police handle it.”

“He was a brother to me.”

Komaeda flinched at that word. Another word to display closeness. Perhaps because Fuyuhiko had a sister he could use that word so casually. An existence who was born to be close to him, who already so naturally shared so many things. Komaeda tried to think if there was anybody like that he shared so much with, but then Kumagawa came to mind and all he felt was repulsion. He shared too much with Kumagawa. That was why they could never be close. Staring at someone that was hiding behind a mirror. Perhaps, if he really wanted to reach the other side and be with Kumagawa, he could smash that mirror into piees, but all he would see shattered is his own reflection, his fragile existence made of glass breaking further and further. Even worse just by reaching out, those flying pieces of glass would dig themselves into his flesh and tear him up. “It’s dangerous…” He finally said, as the summary of all of those emotions.Yet, even after his weak words Fuyuhiko still looked back at him. “So, you coming or not?”

Komaeda’s face widened in shock. Before he lowered his eyes timidly, looking even lower than Fuyuhiko’s short self. “I wouldn’t be any help. I’d only get in your way.”

“Well, that’s your choice…” Fuyuhiko said, “Even if you’d only make things worse I’d still want you to come.”

“You say that but… nobody really thinks that way outside of ideals, you would just resent me in the end. In the past, Kumagawa-senpai was always getting involved in everybody’s business, he tried to help even when he had no idea to help, but all he did was hurt the people he cared about, and hurt himself at the same time. Then he just got too tired to keep enduring it and withdrew from everybody.”

“So, that’s why you’ve acted so timid lately. You’ve lost the star that you once were inspired by.”

Komaeda felt himself shudder in rejection of the notion of admiring any part of Kumagawa. A star, only temporary inspiration, a fleeting light. If he were to chase light, he would chase a light that consumed everything and burned everything away, much more powerful than that. However, he had given up on light and simply wanted to be invisible and one with the shadows.

“Hey, dumbass. Why are you wasting time with a dead end trash fire?” The girl with Fuyuhiko’s baby face but long blonde hair stood proudly as she walked away from the crowd.

“Natsumi calm down. Komaeda’s more like us than he’s like other people.” Fuyuhiko said, looking back at his sister.

Her temper cooled somewhat, and her mouth pulled into a catlike smirk. “I see, I see, so rather than burnable trash he’s yakuza trash.”

“There are so many different types of trash, the world is a wonderful and varied place…”  Komaeda commented quietly, like he was an outsider to this conversation.

“Natsumi you don’t have to get involved in my grudge you know.” Fuyuhiko said, looking back at her.

“I’m calling the shots now instead of mom and dad. I don’t give a shit about who is the real heir or whose more worthy or whatever, I ain’t ever leaving you behind big bro. Your beefs are my beefs.”

“Tch… How clingy.” or so Fuyuhiko said, but observing his face Komaeda could see he was smiling. He did not exactly understand the reasons that people smiled, but knowing that he had an annoying little sister who would never leave him alone, who would always continue to annoy him, Komaeda would have been happy if he had such a person.

Natsumi acted rough around the edges and far more belligerent than her older brother, but that was only because she had taken on the burden of talent, of being a talented yakuza heir in his place to allow her brother to have a normal life. Once again, Komaeda thought if only there were no such thing as talent, those two would be allowed to be normal siblings. For some reason Komaeda thought that Fuyuhiko might have been too prideful to allow himself to be protected by his younger sister… but if that were the case in the past it’s a good thing he let go of that pride. That kind of pride is worthless. Fuyuhiko unlike him could live an existence close to others, so there was no reason for him to push others away.

Just as the two siblings were about to leave, somebody cleared their throat. “You two got secret information. You’re not going to be so kind as sharing it with your underclassmen, senpai.” She stood holding a bare hand under her chin. Kirigiri Kyoko her other hand dragged through her long lilac hair, before flipping it behind her shoulder.

Komaeda had no idea why the first thing he noticed about her was that she was not wearing gloves, or that her hands were entirely smooth and unburned. Most normal people had unscarred hands, they could reach out and touch whatever they wanted without feeling pain.

“Now, now little lady. The daughter of the school’s principal doesn’t have any place where I”m going. Why don’t you go back to being a good girl, girls like you whose noses are too good are nothing but trouble to us.” Fuyuhiko said, stuffing his hands back in his pockets and turning away.

“If it affects this school it’s my business. Besides it’s like you said people with good noses like mine attract trouble, so if I want to investigate I need poeple who are used to trouble.”

“So basically instead of us recruiting you, it’s more like you recruiting us?”

“Exactly. You catch on faster than I thought. I’m looking forward to our cooperation.” Kyoko had such a force of personality she was easily able to push her way onto the team.

“Well, Komaeda’s pretty good at playing detective too so when he agrees to help us, you’re out.” Fuyuhiko said, grubling and going along with it. He was far too cooperative for his own good.

“Playing teen detective? What is this nancy drew? Edogawa Ranpo? Detective Conan? Majin Tantei nougami neuro? I have no interest in that sort of thing, teenagers playing at detective only happens in fiction.”

“For someone who has no interest in being a detective you sure know a lot of detective media… Kirigiri-san…” Komaeda commented quietly from the side of the conversation.

“Kirigiri, don’t call me that. That last name has nothing to do with me.” As she spoke up she walked past Fuyuhiko as if to say ‘let’s go already’.

“Fine whatever, if you want to tag along, be my damn guest…”

Fuyuhiko watching her, saw a glimer of light from the outside reflect off of her hair, making her pale lilac hair appear silver for a moment. His eyes widened and his mouth fell open, lips unable to form words to describe the emotions that suddenly gripped him.

His sister at his side elbowed him. “Oi, what’s wrong big bro? Do you have a thing for girls with silver hair?”

“Shut the hell up.”

“That’s not a nice way to talk to your sister,” Kirigiri said still walking ahead proudly having no fear turning her back to Yakuza members. “Besides, you should be careful around me because I have a thing for men shorter than me.”

“You shut up too!” Fuyuhiko snapped at her.

Komaeda reached out after the noisy people that were leaving him, but he could not fully commit to the action, his fingers curled back in on his hand and his arm fell uselessly at his side. He let the rain wash over him again, hoping that whatever colors that filled in his character would wash away in that rain, and he could become a truly colorless existence.

Fuyuhiko looked back to him once, and Komaeda’s heart suddenly froze. For some reason he had an expectation… or maybe a small hope that after all of that Fuyuhiko would still drag him along. However the boy turned back and shoved something in his arms. “Shit, if I’m investigating then I need you to do this for me. I promised I’d deliver Nanami’s golden week homework.”

“Ah… Okay…”
It felt like he the unimportant minor character with no control over himself had been given a sidequest, an excuse for him to move from point a to point b. If it were not for his pre programmed path he was sure he would have just stood there in the rain until the rain stopped or he did. 😈  Why did it turn out like this?
There are those with talent great enough to shape the foundation of society.
I’m not one of them.
I’m just another face in the crowd.
Which isn’t to say I envy them, though.
No, it’s much easier being a nobody.
The star of the show is a restrictive demanding role.
Were there no talent, everyone would be able to live modest lives, find a modest amount of happiness… Nanami Chiaki liked games. She was absolutely terrible at them, and no matter how much of her days she spent playing them she never got any better. If she wanted to clear the story mode of a game she never looked up cheats online or asked someone to help her get through the persistent parts, she just played and played until she managed to find a way to get through.She had a simple minded approach to things. If you keep moving forward, then eventually you’ll reach the ending you want. Even though at the end of the day their beliefs might have amounted to the exact same thing, Komaeda ended up envying that simplicity.

A famous composer had once been told his music had too many notes. Komaeda thought it was arrogant to compare himself to that person, but when it came to expressing himself he thought it was an apt metaphor. Any music he ever made would be too complicated, too much going on for others to listen it would be grating on their ears. However, Nanami’s music was simple, catchy, eight bit chip tune that everybody loved. Even though they were trying to sing the same song, the only one who would ever make pleasant music was Nanami not him.

They were classmates last year, and still classmates this year though technically Chiaki only barely ever came to school. She liked to skip out and play video games all day instead. Not that she disliked school, just she did whatever was most enjoyable to her at the moment.When their class was first getting along, Chiaki made friends with everybody. She would appear in front of them and say I believe in you when they most needed to hear it. That was the secret of Nanami Chiaki’s hopes. Hope was simply a belief, believing in others, you could believe in others as much as you want so why not freely give it away. She was someone who easily got along well with others, and yet she was oddly reclusive.

Komaeda had introduced himself to her parents and been told that Chiaki was in the middle of her gaming marathon and would not come out of her room. He took his shoes off in the entryway and climbed the steps to her room, and gently knocked before cracking the door open. “Umm… Nanami-san, I brought your homework. I can just leave it on your desk if you want.”

“No, come in Komaeda. This game is better with two players, I’ve been dying all morning trying to solo it.” Chiaki said, not even looking at him she had recognized his voice.

Komaeda really did not want to, but he did not have it in him to deny others. It was different when he told Fuyuhiko he would not try to avenge Zenkichi, because then he was denying himself, his own urge to want to do something to help Zenkichi even in his death. He picked up the controller of an older console and held it in his hands. He knew exactly what to do, but he pretended to hold it wrong, passively hoping Nanami would notice it, and notice how useless he was as a gaming partner. “You have ten lives left, Nanami-san, you’re not doing so bad.”

“I started out with a thousand.”

“A thousand? You’re not very good at this, huh?”

“Talent has nothing to do with video games. Video games are enoyable whether you win or lose, that’s why I like them so much.”

“But you always seem to lose.”

“It doesn’t matter if you’re having fun.”She did not even look at him, just looked back at the TV manipulating her pixel avatar to move across the screen with clumsy button presses. In Komaeda’s opinion this game did not deserve to be called a classic, all the difficulty was artificial and cheap. A proper game built up difficulty with challenges that were meant to raise up the strength of the player over time… oh, but he would never say that out loud it was not like he liked games or anything. He was not being tsundere towards gamers, he just… those were the comments of an observer and nothing else.

Chiaki spoke up again. “Komaeda you’re not having fun.”

“Oh, sorry. I had a feeling my presence would ruin this…”

“No, I meant you’re not even trying to have fun. It’s like you’re right next to me, but you’re trying as hard as you can to suppress yourself so you’re not even here.”

Nanami who always had her head in the digital clouds, could read people well as long as she was assessing them as some part of game. Outwardly, people were just collections of experiences, with different capabilities, that was no different than statistics and pre programmed responses depending on the input they were given.

“Well, Nanami-san I didn’t plan on coming here in the first place. It’s not like I wanted to be here, it’s just Kuzuryuu-kun asked me too so…”

“That’s what I mean. You pretend you’re not interested in others lives, but you always end up showing up in a passive way. If you were to go where you wanted to go, where would you be?”

“...” Komaeda did not answer. He instead purposefully jumped off a cliff on the platformer as a metaphor of what he wanted to do to escape from this conversation.

“You always say you’re not getting involved, then you wait for somebody else to give you an excuse to get involved so you can blame it on them. Basically you’re just trying to have it both ways.”

“Both ways…?”

“Like you want everything your way, yeah. That kind of childish thing.”

“Everything…” He repeated again. “Sorry, I died. I told you I’m no good at this at all.”

“It’s fine Komaeda. Talent doesn’t matter. It doesn’t make a difference whether you have talent or not.”

“Huh?”

“I mean, that isn’t the end goal.”

“But…I’m not being helpful. There’s nothing I can do really.”

“Komaeda, you have greater freedom than anybody else does right now so why aren’t you using it? You could go anywhere, and become anything, so why do you choose to remain yourself?”

“That’s a little bit mean…” Komaeda scratched at the back of his white hair, that had fluffed up again once the rain had dried off of it making him look like quite the lost sheep.

“Oh, sorry about that. I didn’t realize I was being insensitive.” Chiaki raised her controller above her head, laying back suddenly and looking up. “I really love games but, I wonder if I was good at them, if people praised me for it, would I still love them as much? It’d probaby feel like that was all people saw of me.” I agree…
I agree but…
Perhaps he just did not want to have anything in common with such a positive existence as Nanami. He did not want her to believe in him, or any part of himself.

What was that word, that simple word again… Hope? He wanted to forget about it. Even if it was a part of himself he wanted to tear it away from him. He wanted to live without that fundamental part, he wanted to live with a missing piece.

Komaeda finally hit the pause button. “You should do your homework, Nanami-san. Otherwise Kuzuryuu-kun will worry about you. Games are meaningful because it has both hard and easy parts, life is meaningful because there are both pleasant and unpleasant encounters.”

“I see. Then I can still be glad I met you of all people, Komaeda.” Did she just call me an unpleasant encounter? Komaeda said, his smile twitching as he watched Nanami reluctantly put down the controller. 😈 On the way to the place he was wandering to, the place all lost things ended up just by bad luck he just so happened to come across Hansode.

She was sitting in the rain. Her tiny form looked somehow even smaller. Even though he had made every excuse to leave Nanami’s house as quickly as possible, and Nanami did not seem to have fun while he was around that girl had still insisted that he borrow an umbrella of hers for the walk home. He wanted to tell her no, that he enjoyed being in the rain because it made his skin even paler, and lighter blue and he might become transluscent if he kept trying but that was all too bothersome to explain.

Komaeda knew that if he got involved it would probably only make Hansode’s mood worse. The kindest thing he could do was turn a blind eye to her and keep walking. Yet, quietly he approached her from behind and held an umbrella over her head.

She noticed the rain was no longer falling on her head. Hansode glanced up at him for a moment, and then slapped the umbrella away, causing it to fall on the ground, and then get blown away by the storm’s wind.

Komaeda knew if Chiaki lent him an umbrella it would get lost somehow. “I’m sorry, that presumptuous of me thinking I could comfort anyone.”

“I don’t really care, Komaeda.”

“Of course, you just lost your best friend. I don’t expect you to care about me, but um… care about yourself a little bit, you’ll catch a cold if you stay out in the rain.”

“Good, then I can join Zenkihci whever he is.”

“Umm... Hansode if someone like me were to say that, that would be true but you have plenty of reasons to live besides, Hitoyoshi-kun. Your brother is right there, isn’t he?“Hanten was standing right behind her, his back to both of them and his arm crossed. There was no symbol on his back though Komaeda was confused as to why he was expecting one.“Hansode, I’m sure that even Hitoyoshi-kun would want for you to live.”

“Komaeda-senpai, living for others is harder than it looks you know.”

“I know?” He tilted his head, off center. “Why do I know?”

“You know because, you lose sight of yourself.”

“If only I could do that…” Komaeda said, closing his eyes. The rain kept falling. Yet, it would not drown out all the other sounds like he wanted it to and he was still a part of this conversation. “Well living for others is probably a mistake, because there’s no reason at all for living, no reason at all that people are alive, it’s comforting being a nobody.”

“You sound like Kumagawa-senpai.” Shiranui said, before finally turning around and leaving him there. When Komaeda opened his eyes again, he felt a little bit awkward but decided it was probably his fault for saying something wrong.Komaeda wondered if Shiranui had known exactly where he was going, before he himself knew it.『Yo, human failure.』Kumagawa greeted him when he came in the room.

“Yo, damaged goods.” Komaeda reflected back the perfect greeting. He could tell from the hasty way that Kumagawa had sat up, that he had been doing nothing more than napping with a manga volume on his face before he came in the room.

As they talked, Kumagawa spun a small screw manipulating it between each of his fingers. As usual Kumagawa just started talking without any prompting on Komaeda’s part. It was like the boy knew what he was thinking before he himself knew it, and Komaeda once thought that might be a comforting thing but when he heard his own thoughts coming out of the mouth of someone else usually all he learned was how terrible of a person he was. 『I think it was Britney Spears that said there are only two types of people in the world, the ones that entertain or the ones that observe. Hey who do you think the true parasites are, the people who attract admirers wouldn’t be special without the people who admire them, but the people who admire others are trying to become a part of their specialness.』

“Parasites? I think the only bloodsucker around here is you, Senpai.”『Meeeeean. I’m not a vampire you know.』

“Maybe I’d believe that if you went outside more.”『There’s nothing for me to do but sleep and have happy dreams.』

“I doubt your dreams are that happy considering how gloomy of a guy you are.”『You’re right, reality is just as bad as my nightmares so it doesn't really matter if I’m asleep or awake.』

“In the end whatever contribution I’m going to make is pointless but… is it really okay for me to do nothing?”『Nagito-chan why did you decide to be a nobody in the first place?』

“You see, if I were to disappear, vanish, that would be my punishment.  『Punishment?』

“Yeah, punishment. I know you can’t read senpai but your ears work just fine. Up until now, I would flashily proclaim that I loved other people, but I don’t think I was serious about it.Even though I claimed myself to be someone loving them from a fixed distance, I always got in the middle of things, and kept meddling, I tried to gain what I wanted from them… yeah, it was just about me all along. In terms of love, that was impure. That’s right, it was impure.”『So you’re trying to live alone now?』

“Yeah, because that’s what I always said I did but I didn’t really mean it. So my punishment now is to take responsibility and keep a safe distance from others.”  Komaeda’s fingers curled around the desk he had sat down to be next to Kumaawa. He did not want to look the other in the eye. He did not want to stare into the pool of water, just talk and hear his own voice echoing back at him. “But… even though I kept my distance bad things still happened. Maybe if I acted it would be different…”『Whether you act or not it won’t make a difference. There’s no escape from the cycle of failure. You won’t die even if you’re killed.』Komaeda got the sense that Kumagawa was no longer talking about him, yet he was talking about him too. 『Dust to dust… well, whatever. When all is said and done, your crimes and your punishments are yours and yours alone. I’m not sure how you see it, but I’ll tell you that I don’t think you’re in the wrong. If you can be faulted for anything, it’s that you are who you are. You’re guilty of the crime of being you, and so, too, that shall be your punishment. And I have no intention of getting in the way of that.』

Because Kumagawa would not comfort him, that was why he liked being so honest around him.

He was sure there was a person once who would try to understand him.
He was sure that person tried to embrace all of him.
If he tried to kill a person, that person would listen to his reasons and forgive him.
To him, that was just a little too heavy.
It would crush him.
It wasn’t that he couldn’t feel affection towards others, but that he couldn’t receive it.
At some point he might have desired to be understood, but he realized he wasn’t as deep of a person as he once thought himself. It was just his sins that had run deep enough that it was impossible to see to the bottom. The depths of him were invisible, there was nothing there, pure white, the absence of all color, transparent.So, Kumagawa who could only connect to others through pain was oddly comforting. Hitiyoshi Zenkichi was dead, but people like him and Kumagawa were still living. He wondered why? It was probably because Hitoyoshi Zenkichi had been alive to begin with.

He had called what he was enduring right now a punishment for how he acted in the past. What was an execution? What was the ultimate punishment?
Stabbing someone with a lot of spears.
Yeah, obviously that’s one.
Stabbing someone with a knife and then stomping their body until it was bloody pulp.
That’s a good method. Pretty final, too.
But the fatal wound that had afflicted both of them was not like any of those trivial sort of executions. Being hit with baseballs until one died, running in a motorcycle until one died, burning alive, drinking poison to kill oneself, those were trivial punishments. If a bear were to mockingly say it’s punishment time it was all wrong.
“Punishment”, never happened all at once. It was the accumulation of consecutive blows, over and over again, that wore you away until you were no longer human - even though you are. You're no long able to lead a life even though you're living. You're exhausted trying to maintain the paradox of your existence, created by yourself, by your own reasoning. That's a punishment. In other words living through failure after failure, until it became your only way of living, a living failure. Unable to die when most people would.
You just suffer. You simply suffer in agony. And you go on, forever, wherever.
There's nothing to add meaning to that suffering, no light to reach out for no, no hope to justify it. 
Meaninglessly, you just go on.
Life isn’t a video game, not because there’s no reset button, but because there’s no Game Over. Even though it was “over” long ago, tomorrow shows up anyway. Even when night falls, morning comes after it. When winter ends, spring rolls in.The world continues to turn, you have an infinite amount of lives. You redo your life again and again. But it’s like loading up a million crappy characters, and each time you make another one, your “self” gets a little bit shoddier. You're really terrible at building characters so the stats are all wrong and everything you tried just made it worse. Only virtual worlds could be torn apart. Only video games could be turned off. Only imaginary worlds got destroyed. And eventually you get to thinking…
Am I really me, or… did I become something else long ago?
Being around Kumagawa, staring into the mirror waiting for it to shatter into pieces and for his own image to shatter into a million tiny pieces it was like that.

That was the feeling he got right now. He had come to understand that about Kumagawa, which really meant he had just learned another terrible thing about himself. “Senpai, what about you? I thought you kept living so you could win one day? Did you give up on winning?”『Nobody really believed I would ever win to begin with. Wanting to win, and being able to win aren’t the same. I just got used to the taste of failure. It’s my special flavor. 』Komaeda laughed at this, like two friends making a joke between each other. But, he was no friend of Kumagawa’s and Kumagawa no friend of his. They may as well have been talking to themselves. It was all meaningless, worthless small talk, neither enjoyable or unenjoyable. It was an act of self reflection on how he had lived these past ninteen years, and a reflection of light. To Kumagawa a reflection of shadow of how he had lived the past twenty. However, he still wanted to ask him even if it was meaningless, he plucked one of the mirror shards that had become embedded deep within his skin, a small fragment and looked at the tiny portion of him that reflected back head on. “Hey, Senpai. Is there someone you love?” 『Yeah, I’ve got someone. Incidentally, I also have someone I hate the most, and maybe it’s myself, or maybe it’s them. Why do you ask? Did you figure out who it was you loved?』

“I don’t know. Even if I did I don’t think I’d ever admit it out loud even to you.”『Well I guess that’s the difference between you and me.  You’re such a liar, and I’m always very truthful don’t you think?』

“Yeah, guess so.”『I guess you’d better keep on living, then. Don’t become someone like me. 』

“Same to you.”Living for the sake of others, but he had only ended up talking about himself again when he had meant to ask his senpai about it. Oh well, no matter what he could not stop being himself he could only become invisible.

If he became more like Kumagawa, then Kumagawa would become more like him, it felt important that the two of them stay distinct no matter what, like the boundary line between worlds was drawn between them.

Stay on opposite sides of the mirror.
Stay on opposite sides of the water, don’t let it ripple.
If two human disasters like them, human failure and damaged goods got along the accumulated misfortune might actually end the world.
Even if the world did not end it would change in a way they did not recognize and never be able to  go back to its former state.
Getting too close to others was a way of disappearing too, soon you lost track of which parts were them and which parts were you. But that wasn’t what he wanted. Two words would crumble away, but there was something depressing about that.
Pathetic.
Needy.
If he learned to accept or love some part of himself too, just like being loved by someone else, that would be too heavy.
A world would crumble away. Even if it was just an imaginary one, even if it was a meaningless loss, it would still be destroyed. Komaeda was far too delicate for that kind of destruction.

Alone, the thoughts that were much clearer around Kumagawa became incoherent once more. All that was echoing inside of his head was the white noise, unreadable, that came from broadcasting and receiving signals with a faulty antennae.

The moment Komaeda left the room, Kumagawa flopped over and let the manga volume fall on his head once more. He glanced at the girl with half lidded eyes, finding it impossible to fall asleep once more, because there was little difference between sleeping and waking to him anymore.『 So then, what happened to him. You know, the boy living in a world that was nothing special 』

In the corner of the room, the faceless girl raised her head.  “Oh you mean, Rei.” Outside, Komaeda saw Shiranui exactly where he had left her on his way back home. Except this time her brother had disappeared, and there were two figures approaching her. One of them had blonde hair.

Everything he said about not getting involved disappeared in an instant. He forgot about himself. He started to run forward. He did not want to think of anything anymore, or consider what to do anymore, he wanted to forget everything and simply act. To react without having to decide. Because he hated deciding, and choosing. He did not even want to choose between one metaphor. He wanted to remain jumbled up. He did not want to be interested in others, or himself. He did not want conflict with people, nor to laugh with them. He only wanted to laugh at himself. He smile when he was supposed to get angry, and got angry when he was supposed to smile. He could not attain anything, because when things around him broke whether he reached out or not. He thought over and over again some part of himself must wish for those things to destroy, must want to destroy them because he cannot have them.  Paradoxes were just so tiresome to maintain. He wanted everything. He wanted nothing. He was simply tired of wanting.

He was a shallow clown. He was a tragic figure. He was smarter than the talented kids. He was trash who could not possibly compare to them. He played the fool to make them shine brighter. He pretended he was better than them. It was all just an act, a different mask he wore depending on the moment. The worst act of all -

He pretended to be a human being. He did not pretend to be anybody else, even though it would be better if he was anybody besides himself.

That was why he ran forward. However, he could not escape from himself. He was lonely. All he had was himself. He would always embrace himself, and always catch up to himself because he was lonely. He could not disappear no matter how fast he ran or how far away he was. He ran forward to try to save Hansode, or perhaps he wanted to save himself in that moment and believe he was something other than a nobody who did nothing.

He ran with everything he had. He got close to the two terrorists and was about to shut from behind, he had no plan whatsoever but that did not matter because immediately he slipped on a glass bottle fell forward, and hit his head hard against the pavement. That was right, he had hit his head hard, smashed it hard enough to crack it, and shake his brain around. He had been falling this entire time, and the narration fell with him, and it became meaningless just like him. Speaking of which he heard once that when life forms take fatal damage - for example if that fall had just crushed half of his brain, or if he was ripped in half, their nervous system gets cut off. That made him feel very pleased, the reason he was feeling nothing at all, was because he had cut off half of himself. He had left half of himself behind somewhere.The body decided it was useless to send signals warning of impending doom.

He wondered where that half was? Kumagwa? The boy he loved whose face he had forgotten? His brain decided to stop sending signals, because they would have all been nonsense anyway. Ehehe. Stop laughing for no reason like that. Disturbing. I hate that about you. A truly pitiful brat, he thought of himself. Believing he was right, believing someone like him could have philosophy, that the words he said had meaning, speaking as if he had enlightenment, telling himself he had found the will to keep living when really he was just afraid of dying. Afraid beyond being afraid of having a hollow self crumble to bits, and hollow world crumble around him. And what remained after that crumbling was nothing… A tragedy, a farce that did not elicit laughs nor tears, and the farce that had not yet come to an end. It continues forever. Frozen, frozen. The rain was so cold. He could not move, falling once and hitting his head had finished him, all he could do was sit in the rain and lose feeling.

The world was frozen over yet it still continued to spin. Why was he feeling so many unpleasant things about himself? He thought he was happy? Oh, that was right Hitoyoshi Zenkichi had died. He repeated the fact again, the fact that he had been ignoring, that he had been refusing to feel all day, and then finally his consciousness went black. The feelings were just too heavy to feel, the fragile thing he called ego collapsed under it's own weight.

The hero tried to save the day and then immediately slipped on a bottle and passed out. That was why a main character who had nothing going for him but luck was no good.The terrorist did not attack Hansode, nor did he brutally murder her. He told his partner to step back and then sat on the curb next to her. As usual, he did nothing at all, and said nothing at all for the longest time.

Hansode was the first to speak up. “Let me guess, you’re going to tell me that this world is fake.”

“You already knew?”

“I had a feeling. You ever think that this is too good to be true? A world where Medaka-chan doesn’t exist and I’m the original her, that was far too good of a dream for even me to believe.”

“Then why…”

“I stuck it out here for Zenkichi’s sake. I’m really good at playing pretend after all.”

“I see…”

Izuru did not reach out to her, but rather he waited for the girl to reach out to him. “Hey, we’re the same aren’t we? You’re a fake just like me?”

“Yeah, my identity was rewritten over and over again and I lost sight of myself again and again but I have no choice but to live with that. I think even if you’re a fake you deserve to live though, wasn’t that what you told me a long time ago?”

“...”

“Fakes have to work extra hard, because they have to make the effort to be real.”

“It’s not that. If I go back to the real world… something bad will happen, because I’m around, if I decide to be my real self I’ll hurt people.”

“Uhm…” Izuru had not expected such a heavy backstory from the small cute girl of all people, he made an akward face that was more like the ones Hajime would make then the expressionless mask he usually wore. He tried to think of something, but it was like reaching into a pool of water and trying to grasp at it, the liquid would fall through your fingertips. He was trying to think what he would say, but there was nothing definite about him, the combination of two people melted together, two heads, he was of one mind one moment, and flowed to another the next. However, all he could express this with was an awkward stuttering of. “Umm… Because I became Kamukura (a fake), a lot of bad things happened. Even though it would probably be better if I never existed… it’s the decision I made, it’s the person I chose to be. Even if it was fake… even if Kamukura was never real or created in a lab it was still the result of my choices and I don’t want to be able to throw that away, even if all you do is put on a performance, that’s what you choose so it’s still a part of who you are… It’s not entirely fake.”

“...”

“I met a bunch of people, over and over again, wearing different faces each time. The current me, is just the summary of all those previous existences, it’s indistinct. I can’t say the person they met at the time was the real me, but… to me those experiences are still the real thing. I don’t regret them.”

“Awe, so you don’t regret meeting me?” Junko cooed in the background, trying to ruin the moment like she ruined everything else.

“You’re the exception.” Izuru responded coldly. “You can remain in this perfect world, where you’re a whole person, or you can go back to the imperfect world, Shiranui…that let you meet Zenkichi.”

“I hate that world.”

“Really?”

“I hated that school.”

“I see.”

“I hated the fact that I met Zenkichi.”

“I uhm…” Izuru was starting to feel awkward again.

“But that’s fine… Unlike hope and justice which must always prevail. Love doesn’t always have to win. I want to meet Medaka-chan and Zenkichi again at least to tell them how much I hate them. Maybe then they’ll stop chasing after me.” Shinraui said, before she put on another fake smile and looked up at Izuru. “You’re terrible at this Hinata-senpai. You might even be worse at it than Kumagawa-senpai and that’s saying something.”

They were both fakes, he thought he could understood her but Shiranui Hansode refused to let herself be understood to the end. She disappeared right there, leaving a hollow corpse behind. Junko called out to Hanten.

“Hey buddy, you going to have a personality again?”

The man with his back turned to others, who was simply there shrugged and then disappeared as well.The moment they were gone, Junko started to tap her heel in annoyance. She basically looked like someone who was begging wordlessly for someone to ask what was wrong, like one of those teenagers who stomped their feet and then slammed the door to their room extra loud. However Izuru only stared at her passively.

“Oi, what’s that supposed to mean love doesn’t always have to win?”

“Since when were you such a believer of the power of love?” Izuru asked, turning his red eyes on her.

“Love devours everything so recklessly, it's all about the hunt you know,a game you can win, like a bear chasing a rabbit. Then, it wants to stop existing for a moment, and mistakes its existence for the rabbits so it eats all of it hoping the two of them will become one, hoping they'll both disappear at once. In the end though you were just trying to forget about the emptiness in yourself and you consumed them by accident. Why wouldn't I be a fan?"

“I don’t think that’s the kind of love she was talking about.” He looked up to the middle school building that was across the corner. Crows gathered around it and cried out, almost the instant he thought of the person whose winning inside. “There’s some cases where love is a definite loss, that’s why they call it falling in love.”Their banter would continue like that, endlessly.
The perfect prototype, and the perfect goods.
They were basically just talking to themselves, and trying to ignore the other was still there.

Komaeda woke up on Tatami mat floors, it was nothing like the wet pavement he had slammed his head against. He looked up to see Fuyuhiko’s face taking up his entire view. Oh, that’s so nice. I thought for some reason the moment you walked away from me you were going to disappear and die. Then he remembered. Oh, Hansode was being attacked by those terrorists and I failed to save her. Someone still did die. So then, this feeling, being sabotaged whether or not I decide to try? It’s exactly what Kumagawa felt once didn’t he? Fuyhuiko was staring at him impatiently, and finally flicked him on the forehead to make him focus. “Hey, the death count is two now, are you going to keep pretending like it has nothing to do with us? The only people who are dying are our friends.”

“I… What do you think we should do, Kuzuryuu-kun?”

“We need to initiate a risky survival strategy. No more playing it safe man, alright? Even if you're just bad luck, you're the risky part of the risky survival strategy!” Playing it safe. Komaeda wondered, he truly wondered, whether it was even possible for an existence like himself to play it safe. If he had ever once truly tried that. However, he was done trying to decide for himself and simply nodded along with what Fuyuhiko wanted this time.

He did not even think about why he had been spared when the terrorists went out of their way to murder Hansode. Nobody would bother to look at garbage on the side of the road, or a dead dog with half of its guts torn out by the car that had just hit it to reveal its ugly insides. It was only natural to avert your eyes from such things.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

His insides and his outsides were completely different. At least on the outside he could pretend, he could put on a mask, wear skin, and play the part of someone who was alive. He put on a show and pretended to be someone larger than life. The clown makeup had been applied rather thick to make his pale and slowly rotting skin appear as something that could pass for living. If you were to wash away the makeup, peel off his skin, there would be no muscles, or sinewy tissues, no organs, as that had long since rotted away. Instead of a heart he would have a shriveled up petal that looked like a short lived cherry blossom. Yet if you tried to reach it, the cage of his ribs would get in the way, his bones were all that remained. In this world he was terribly exposed, walking around with no skin, a walking, laughing, dancing, skeleton. There was nothing to insulate him so he grew cold easily, a shivering skeleton. As he was forced to walk around naked and exposed he slowly started to realize how different his insides and outsides had been all along. It was like the fundamental construction of his being was a paradox, what would satisfy his outsides would never satisfy his insides, and vice versa. Soon, unable to distinguish whether his inside or his outside was the true him, he lost sight of who he was. That boy Komaeda Nagito, who laughed loudly through life, who quietly approached death. On that day around the start of his second year,  he should not have felt so cold but the world's heat rarely reached him.  He had nothing but his own flimsy body to give him shelter from the cold. Even though he was a smart and observant student who was like a jack of all trades rather than specializing in any specific subject, because he did not want to stand out he skipped class often and pretended school was unimportant to him. He had not come to this school because he was thinking of his future, the word future hardly existed to that boy. He always had one eye in the past, so the present was merely a dream to him that sometimes passed so unbearably fast that he could not grasp the properly flow of time, just like in a dream reality seemed to happen around him, slipping and sliding out of his control, he felt more like a witness to events happening rather than someone in the middle who was causing them to happen. He came to this school, because he wanted to observe his classmates. If he could not be in control of his own life, if he could not be in the center stage that was fine, he was sure he could be satisfied just watching their faces from the side. Even if he was just cast as a tree, holding branches in his hands. Perhaps he had come up with that specific metaphor because this morning he had skipped class to sit in the front plaza of the school, and watch as the cherry blossoms hung off the trees. There were those who said as the cherry blossoms blew off the trees easily in the beginning of spring and lightly danced through the air they were the most beautiful, and there were others that thought cherry blossoms were most beautiful not when in full bloom, but as they began to wither away and fall.  Komaeda ran a hand through his hair as he watched the flowers. His hair too was withering, and the ends of his curls were touched pink just like a cherry blossom. He liked to observe things, the faces people would make in reaction to the beauty of the cherry blossoms, he thought they were better suited to appreciate their beauty than he was. Because he thought saying that something was most beautiful just before it wilted, was a little bit cruel. He could not enjoy it like most others could. When the people cleared out, he tried to enjoy the absence of noise, the beautiful place around him, he was trying to see beauty in the world even if he had to force it. The wind blew, one of the cherry blossoms that was barely clinging to a withered branch blew away. At that moment he realized while observing the withered branch, that it must have felt lonely, being broken like this, only able to decay slowly and keep on yearning for life. All it had left was the blossom clinging to it, but blossoms were ephemeral things and inevitably it had been blown away, uncontrollably by the wind. The wind came again, and Komaeda saw his hair, white with faded out red, blow in front of him and obscure the faded out world. Then suddenly, as he tried to brush his hair back again the wall he was sitting next to smashed. A boy flew through it surrounded by several more thugs. The same kind of kids that had been picking on him yesterday. No, he was not skipping school to avoid being bullied, he loved when other people gave someone unworthy like him attention even if it was negative attention, he just wanted to observe nature this morning. The boy was unlike him in every way, he was rough, he filled out his suit well, his hair was shaved and his cheeks were red and Komaeda could see they were glowing from the blood pulsing underneath his skin full of life. In a moment, the man he had kicked through the wall was down and when one tried to jump the much shorter boy from behind he quickly turned his body around and slammed his foot hard right into his jaw. “Is everything alright?” Komaeda said, not reacting to the violence of the situation at all. He was too distant from it, like someone in the seats watching a violent action movie their hearts might stir a little bit but they did not really feel the same way the protagonist did running away from the explosions. “Ahhhh, it’s fun to watch the hot blooded boys clash in this our youth.”“Huh… What are you?” Fuyuhiko stopped grounding his foot into another boy’s chest in time to be weirded out. “It’s the fucking shinigami. He’s way scarier than a yakuza.” One of the faceless thugs on the ground muttered. Then another boy joined in. “Everybody who is friends with him gets cursed, why don’t you hang out with him so you can both die Yakuza Trash.” “If you’re just going to be crude to others then you don’t need those teeth, do you?” Fuyuhiko said as he lifted that man’s head, and then slammed it down on the ground. “If all that’s going to come out of your mouth is dirt then why don’t you just eat it and spit some more out.” He picked it up and slammed it down again, again, until Komaeda who was merely watching suddenly stood up. “You’re not like that, don’t become what they say you are…” He said as he tried to reach a hand towards Fuyuhiko, at the last moment though he flinched. He was not scared of Fuyuhiko but rather his own hand, he knew the boy would probably not want the feeling of metacarapls and phalanges a skeletal hand closing in around his shoulder. “You’re that kid that everybody says has bad luck right? The Shinigami?” Fuyuhiko had heard him and stopped, even though Komaeda was not able to get his voice above a whisper. Even though any words he said could have easily been blown away by the breeze. “Well, I’m just a street dog that’s going to die a dog’s death in the gutters. Most of the people in our class are good kids, I’d feel terrible dragging them into my life but you look like you’ve already seen it.” “A dog’s death… that’s unbelievably sad, Kuzuryuu-san.” “Oh, you knew my name but I didn’t know yours? Even though we’ve been in the class for one year now? How fucking rude can I get my sister would kick my ass.” Fuyuhiko reached out and grabbed the hand that Komaeda had left to uselessly dangle there. “I was trying to say… I think you and I are the same breed so, let’s be friends.” “I don’t think I have anything in common with anybody…” “Sure you do, you like sweets don’t you?” “I… the taste of sweet things never lasts on my lips but… yeah, I like it. I’m sure there are things you’re going to hate about me.” “Well I can tell you right away I hate how fucking tall you are. Come down to my level.” Fuyuhiko said, as he suddenly jabbed the other boy in the hip. It only took Fuyuhiko a moment to realize how skinny Komaeda was. “Oh, shit sorry. You really have been on the streets before have you… uh… listen, I’m a straightforward guy so if there’s something I hate I’ll just tell you, and if there’s something I like I’ll just tell you too!” That was something he had always wanted. There were things he just could not perceive for himself, social cues he could not pick up from others, sometimes he saw things that were not there and spent all day fretting about them, sometimes he said words he did not want to say and could not force himself to say words he did want to say. His insides and his outsides were fundamentally mismatched, and what he wanted was just a straightforward person by his side to help him express himself, yet he knew there was nobody he could burden with such a thing. He could live his life for others because his was a half life to begin with, but others were busy living full lives they did not want to walk by his side and continually help him. Yet, this boy came out of nowhere and casually took his hand. Komaeda knew he would have never been able to reach his hand out to others, but he could at least respond passively like this. He averted his eyes for a moment and muttered. “If you don’t mind it, I’d like to watch you from close range… I… can be like a shadow.” The word friend was too hard to say. Maybe one day he would be able to say it.😈 The Kuzuryuu compound kept an ample supply of cherry trees planted in front of their main house. Komaeda after regaining consciousness, and being changed out of his wet school uniform had been sitting in some formal robes the Kuzuryuus had provided for him. They were white because of course they were. He watched the trees once more as the wind shook them, as a way of calming himself. When he fell and hit his head he had suddenly felt everything and nothing at once. He had recounted the experience to Fuyuhiko, and when the boy was concerned for him suddenly he laughed it off like it was nothing. Even after laughing though he was still shaking, like the laughter was echoing in his body. Fuyuhiko gave him a break as they were waiting for one more guest to arrive. So he sat on the front porch of the house, legs hanging off, sipping tea hoping the caffeine might clear his head slightly. Remembering that time he had first met Fuyuhiko, he smile slightly while he was sipping which turned out to be a mistake as the tea burned his lips and he had to spit it out. He did not know how much time passed before his head cleared, as suddenly he was sitting in between a meeting of three other people. Oh, I must have zoned out again. Everybody’s here now time to pay attention. “A detective and a yakuza coming together to solve a crime, it’s wonderful to see people from both sides of the conflict come together to investigate.” Komaeda said, pressing the tips of his bony fingers together. “I’m not a detective.” Kirigiri said immediately. Standing a few feet away from her investigating a katana, Fuyuhiko immediately said. “I’m not a yakuza either, the title passed to my little sis.” “I’m totes a yakuza!” Natsumi said happily as she observed her older brother sitting next to Kirigiri. “Oh right, Kyoko-san, Kuzuryuu-kun talent both passed you by and because of that you’re allowed to live normal lives, how comforting it is to be born failures.”“The only failure of a human being in here is you, Komaeda-san.” Kirigiri immediately shot back, her lilac eyes focusing on him made him feel a sudden cold snap. “Oi, oi, you two don’t fight. I’m supposed to be the no good rebellious youth always getting into fights so why do you gotta be so catty Nagito?” Fuyuhiko said as he walked over and petted the other on the head for a moment before he went back to the task of inspecting his katana. “Anyway, we’re here to discuss the details of the case as we know it so far.” “Alright dumbasses listen up. The testimony of my boys corroborates with what Komaeda told us. The two criminals hiding out in our small town are always spotted together, one has blonde hair, female, large bust.” “Was that part so necessary to mention?” Komaeda asked, drily. “The other black hair spiky hair, red eyes, always seen in a black suit,” Kyoko continued, ignoring him. “Why didn’t you mention his chest size?” Komaeda interrupted again. “It’s now become a series of murders focused on those from our class roster. If they’re only specifically targeting my year, or if they’ll target your year next we have yet to deduce but… it’s likely that they’re targeting… isolated people. Do either of you upperclassmen know why that is?”Komaeda lowered his head a little bit. “It’s my fault, if I hadn’t left Hansode-san to go speak with Kumagawa-senpai then this wouldn’t have…” “Your attempt to take responsibility has been noted, Komaeda-senpai but you don’t really seem genuine about it. After all, aren’t you the one who always blames others and bad luck for your circumstances…?” Fuyuhiko drew his katana partway out of the sheathe letting the metal reflect light into Kirigiri’s eyes. “I said quit fighting. Are you two children or something?” “Why yes, I am a child still. So please take care of me and raise me right, upperclassmen.” Kirigiri said, her voice not changing tone at all. Komaeda merely held his hands out innocently. “It’s fine, I don’t think anything Kirigiri-san said is wrong. I find her honesty to be a charming part of her character, so if those are her honest emotions towards me then I can accept them.” He did not want to resist her, just be like water changing to respond to the movements of others, only passively reacting unable to move on its own. “Kuzuryuu-san, I don’t really know about this because I wasn’t involved in the events of our classmates but… our class used to be a lot closer right?”“Yeah, both the first year and the second year class got along really well last year. We all went to a big party hosted by Nanami once. I guess those situations where everybody is friends with everybody only happens in anime though, because it all broke down and this year most people keep to themselves. Shit no wonder we’re getting picked off we’re all walking home alone and avoiding each other.” “What events were these…?” Kyoko asked. As Fuyuhiko went to answer though he hesitated and looked down at the weapon in his hands. Suddenly, Natsumi spoke up for him. ‘Well basically there’s this girl named Sato and she tried to kill me, but my big bro saved me! I don’t know why he’s afraid to talk about it, it’s just another reason why I have the greatest big brother in the world.” “Natsumi quit it. I almost killed a girl, there’s nothing good or noble like violence. I know we’re Yakuza but the least we can do is not drag others who don’t deserve it down into the gutters with us.” Fuyuhiko’s fingers clutched the sword so tightly, Komaeda truly wondered if Fuyuhiko just like him was afraid to hold somebody’s hand. Yet, he could hold a weapon perfectly comfortable. It was too bad. His parents had taught him to hold weapons before they taught him to hold human hands. Komaeda looked at Kirigiri staring at her own bare hands and wondered if she was having the same thoughts as him at the moment. That was probably impossible because his thoughts were not that of a human being, just someone rejected from humanity but still… her hands looked rather cold without gloves protecting them.“Shut up big bro. You weren’t wrong to do that. Even if you had killed her you would’ta been wrong. Anybody who tries to take my big bro away from me deserves to die that’s why…” Natsumi suddenly drew a knife and slammed it into the Tatami. “I ain’t forgiving these terrorists either. We’re always going to be together from now on.” Komaeda merely smiled. “The family bonds of others are so nice, I can see how close you are thank you for showing it to me.”Natsumi glared at the other boy. “How do you even know about us? You’re just a lovesick hack who trails after him all the time like his shadow. It’s so weird how you’re always staring from afar.” “Ah well that’s just because I’m… a member of the crowd, and I’m no good so…” “Then why are you even here? If you get in my brother’s way, or put hi in dnager, and if you pull that shit you did with Hansode then I won’t ever forgive you-” “That’s alright because I’m not someone who can be forgiven in the first place.” Komaeda said, as his lips twitched, his smiling muscles felt overexerted this point from how much he was forcing them, there was probably a build up of lactic acid in his cheeks. “Sorry Nagito. Natsumi’s just worried, but she expresses it like a dumbass.” Fuyuhiko said, as eh stood up and then reached out to mess up his younger sister’s hair, which caused several shouty protests from her as she struggled against him. Finally, Natsumi reaching her limit simply crossed her arms and turned up her nose at him. “Hmmph, whatever, I’m going to get you guys some more tea. I hope you guys use the three braincells between the three of you to come up with a plan before I get back.” She said before slamming the door behind her. “Between Komaeda-senpai and Natsumi you keep such pleasant company, Kuzuryuu-san.” Kirigiri said, displaying her annoyance once again with no inflection in her voice. “I’m sorry about that, but the reason she’s like that is my fault.” Fuyuhiko finally sat down with the others, holding the katana at his side as he did. “Sis had to toughen up real hard to succeed mom and dad when it turned out I wasn’t good enough. I thought she’d hate me because I ended up pushing all the responsibility onto her but all she said was ‘I don’t need you to lead the Kuzuryuus, just stay with me forever all I want is for you to be my Ultimate Big Brother’.” Fuyuhiko said, even holding a weapon, even hardened by all the violence he had seen he could make such a soft expression.Yet, Komaeda despite witnessing his sincerity could not feel like he was part of the moment, once again it felt to him as if he were merely witnessing a dream. “Kuzuryuu-san… are you really okay with that? Are you okay not having the talent to be able to stand on your own strength.” “That’s fine, standing strong on your own is lonely you know.” Fuyhuiko had begun to clutch the katana. “Aren’t you supposed to be the older sibling though? Didn’t you want to grow up into a proper man?” Komaeda had no idea why he was asking these questions, they stood in the way of Fuyuhiko’s happiness and that was all he wished for. “That’s fine. I can stay a kid forever, if it means I can stay with Natsumi. That’s better than growing up alone and losing everything. I’m babyfaced anyway soo…” Fuyuhiko began to mumble as he finally admitted his own greatest insecurity, the fact that he who had been so desperate to grow up in the past looked like nothing more than a child in the eyes of others. “Hey, Kuzuryuu-kun. Since when did you carry a katana around like that?” “This sword? It showed up on the doorstep since when I was a baby, and my parents gave it to me. I’ve always had it… it’s special to me.” Fuyuhiko said, muttering as if he was trying to grasp at the memory of a dream he had forgotten the moment he woke up.“It’s just a sword.” Kirigiri said again curling her fingers in front of her mouth. “We should coordinate a plan so that two students are never alone. Ideally it would be best if all of us could band together under one leader, hmmm as to what type of person that should be probably someone the exact opposite of Komaeda-senpai.” “Hey, Kyoko if you wanna fight just get into a bare knuckles brawl and finish it already this passive agressive shit is really pissing me off.” Fuyuhiko said, clearly reaching his limit. However, Komaeda once again raised his hands in front of him to declare his innocence. “Oh no, I couldn’t agree more. I’m the least suited person here to lead us.” Fuyuhiko took a deep breath, puffing his round cheeks up to hold it for a few moments to calm down. The gesture was so cute Komaeda found himself staring. “Alright, alright. It’d be best if we could go back to the days with everybody in the class together. I don’t care about wrecking these guys to get revenge I just… I want to see everybody’s faces again at the end of golden week. That school is the only time I got to be a normal kid.” When he saw both Komaeda and Kirigiri staring at him, Fuyuhiko scratched at the back of his head feeling awkward. “Of course I deal with this live or die stuff on a daily basis I’m just pissed off other kids got dragged into it, we gotta stop it as soon as we can.”Kirigiri spoke up, “In the past you said you all threw a party to get along? Well if I think of someone whose the opposite of Komaeda-senpai, it’s Nanami-senpai. Why don’t we persuade her to be our leader?” Fuyuhiko slammed his hand on the ground. “Shit, I know. Let’s all go to the beach together, Natsumi, Komaeda, you and Chiaki. That way we’ll solidify our alliance as the ones who are going to solve this mystery and bust up those terrorists.” Wait… how did this get to making plans at the beach? Weren’t we talking about murder this seems inappropriate to use it as a bonding opportunity. However, Komaeda said nothing as he looked in between Kirigiri and Fuyuhiko excitedly making plans. Oh, I get it… those two are lonely huh? It’s my fault for being a poor friend to Kuzuyruu-kun, it’s not my place to speak up. A moment later however he did learn exactly what his place was. “Well, still we need somebody to do all the lame grunt work to fund the trip and buy tickets. Somebody with nothing better to do.” Fuyuhiko began. “Oh, Komaeda-senpai. You can be a proper upperclassman after all. How wonderful for you.”“Yes, I agree how wonderful!” Komaeda said, “Cleaning and doing chores out of the spotlight is the one thing I’m good at.”   “Are you guys bonding over how much you both hate Komaeda? Come on man, you’re Komaeda!” Fuyuhiko said as he shook his friend's shoulder, trying to shake some sense into him. “Still, it’s odd how those two can disappear and reappear despite being internationally wanted terrorists with appearances that stand out like that, perhaps they’re using disguises like the man with twenty faces…” Kirigiri said, still considering. “It’s okay you can just say you like detective things.” Fuyuhiko pointed out. “No, I don’t! Shut up!” The normally ice cold girl lost her cool in that moment. 😈 Catching up to the present moment, that was how once again while his friends the main characters were off patrolling the city trying to find the terrorists, Komaeda found himself steadily grinding the meaningless sidequests and performing errands for them. He doubted he would gain much exp from this, but it was something someone had asked of him so he at least wanted to give them what they wanted. They had already gone out of their way to acknowledge him who did not deserve to be acknowledged in the first place after all. Last year there were several incidents of drama that had broken out into severe fights, some accidents and an almost death. Even though Komaeda claimed to live an uneventful life, he had just stepped outside of those events and tried to walk along the border lines. He should have known the moment he started to avoid others they would see him as an outsider. His trademark bad luck earned him the nickname shinigami, and he became a scapegoat of sorts for the misfortune that fell upon the school. They called it a curse that was following him around. He was involved even when he was not involved, remaining invisible on the edge of things was a truly difficult thing. It took a lot of hard work to achieve nothing significant at all with himself. Nanami Chiaki took the opposite path of him. She got far too involved in others, always throwing herself in right away, always trying to mend the bonds between others. She was somebody that everybody liked, but Komaeda always felt something imperonsal from her. Soembody who loves everybody equally must have had trouble seeing others on an individual basis… though, he was hardly one to talk.Perhaps it was petty envy talking, because they had both admired all of their classmates and yet Nanami was somebody who was able to say the right thing and become the center of their class. Perhaps it was just envy over those words ‘I love you”, the words that left her lips so easily when others needed to hear them the most.Once, Kuzuryuu Fuyuhiko had asked him. “Why don’t you and Chaiki get along? You both are always going on about the group and everything. You both want everybody to be happy right?” Komaeda had answered him honestly without even thinking about it. “It’s because we loved the same thing…” The same thing…? Hope? Their class? Or… the same person? Komaeda got another headache as he thought of that. There was another reason for his headache though, and why he was contemplating Nanami at the moment. One of the errands he had been sent out was to go fetch her from her room. At first she declined coming with him. “Actually I was thinking about going to the hospital to work part time helping Tsumiki-san.” Komaeda had said. “Oh, if that’s the case than Tsumiki-san could always use more help. She really… really needs help…” Oh, so you’ll go if somebody else needs help but not me… Komaeda thought but he did not voice it. Nanami agreed to go to the hospital with him on one condition, that he carry her there. There was one more consequence Nanami had always paid for always being at the center of others, these days in her second year of school she was so worn out she was perpetually sleepy. However apparently she was not sleepy enough right now that being carried on his back she could not leave him alone with his thoughts. Wait no, that was actually for the best. His thoughts tended to be meaner to him than most school bullies. Chiaki opened a single eye and looked at him through the half lidded crescent. “Komaeda, I’m worried about the others…”“I’m sure you are, that’s what makes you the heart of our class Nanami-san.” “Don’t you think that role’s a little bit restrictive… you know I mean, I guess I’ve got like everybody’s heart strings tied to me and everything.”“Of course, that’s why I don’t play such a role, but I’m happy to be your support whenever you need me. People are main characters in their own lives, and support characters in the lives of others but I think the ideal way to live is to be a support character full time.” “That’d be nice if that were possible, but a thing called ego gets in the way…no matter how much you try to repress it, it always reasserts itself.” “You know for a girl who always plays video games you’re really observant, Nanami-san.” “That’s why I’m glad I’m no good at video games. If that’s all there was to me then... I’d just be an empty girl who’s good at games.” “Do you always have philosophical discussions when riding on people’s backs?” “No, just with you. You’re the only one who’s so observant of others to notice this stuff. I think if I was on the strong looking back of an empty headed boy I’d just be sleeping peacefully and looking cute right now.” Chiaki said, as she rested her chin on his shoulder. “Being cute is wasted on you though.” “Well yeah, because I like guys.” “Hey, Komaeda… I want to help everybody but. In the past I thought the words I love you would be enough so I gave them to others again and again so… I wonder why I’m alone right now.” “Everybody in the class thinks you’re amazing, Nanami-san.” “That might be… a restrictive role too.” Nanami spoke in a quiet voice only between the two of them. “Actually, I’m jealous Komaeda. The words I wanted to hear the most ‘I love you’, I never got to hear them from the person I wanted to most hear them from, I would have given it to him but he…”At that moment Komaeda’s headache increased. The world in front of him blurred and he saw all sorts of colors. He saw fireworks bursting in front of the sky, they were temporary things like cherry blossoms too. He could only watch them from a distance. Once he had seen them with a boy who died. The next time he saw them with the boy’s reincarnation, and the boy whispered sweet words to him. Jealous of me? That’s cruel, cruel, cruel,cruel to say. After all Nanami-san you have everybody and I only have, I only have… after all that loss I only gained one thing... He had a boy whose face he could not remember. Perhaps it did not matter if he remembered that boy’s face or not because that boy’s face always seemed to be changing. He died and was reborn again. He made all sorts of faces that Komaeda could not read or understand, and when that boy got angry at him Komaeda felt guilty because he could never grasp the full depths of his anger. He wanted to at least be able to understand that boy’s emotions the same way the boy struggled so hard to understand his, but he could not understand the normal emotinos, or a normal boy, he could not understand what it was like to lose things because he had been already lost everything to that point and had become numb to it. When Komaeda snapped back to reality, they had already made it to the hospital and he was being led around by Tsumiki Mikan. He tried not to question it too much, when life went too fast and passed him by. He was just a bystander anyway it made sense. Chiaki had been assigned the role of helping Mikan with her nursing duties, while Komaeda would clean rooms unseen in the background. However, in the process of helping out for the day, Mikan being Mikan there were several incidents at her parent’s clinic. The first one where she left to go get some bandages from a closet and then suddenly everything from the closet fell on top of her. Somehow she had managed to fall and became wrapped in the bandages by the time both Nanami and Komaeda caught up with her. Nanami immediately went to Mikan’s side and began to soothe her, muttering. “Hey, Mikan it’s alright. You didn’t ruin anything there are lots of bandages in the hospital. You’re not clumsy, your hands are always so precise when you’re dealing with patients.” Meanwhile Komaeda in the background picked up everything and sorted it back into the closet. The sight of a mess bothered him, after all he could not stand looking at himself, it was a good thing it was easier to clean this closet though as there was little to do about himself. The next time Mikan was transporting a comatose patient on a stretcher, only to trip and have the patient fall on top of her. As he was in a coma she could do nothing but call and whine for help. Chiaki once again immediately went to Mikan’s side to soothe her. “It’s alright, he’s asleep he probably didn’t even notice. You’ve been tending to him every single day nobody cares that you made one mistake.” At the same time Komaeda was the one who actually had to lift the body onto the stretcher again and help another nurse move him to the bed, and then clean up the IV contents that had been sprayed on the floor. The third time Mikan overworked fell asleep in one of the hospital beds. This time she did not knock over anything or start crying, Komaeda and Chiaki had just found her by accident. Looking over her, Chiaki whispered to Komaeda. “You should really follow her around and help her out. She needs the-”“Attention. She’s just acting out for attention you know.” Komaeda said immediately, breaking his silence now that Tsumiki could not hear him. “She’s one of our classmates you shouldn’t say that about her…” Chiaki hissed back at him, still in a whisper. I’m even able to make Chiaki of all people speak in an unpleasant voice, I might have talent after all. Komaeda thought as he smiled back at her. “So, what you think in response is ‘If Tsumiki-san wants attention I’ll just give it to her’ but that doesn’t actually solve the problem. It’s not like you actually care how she feels you’re just trying to be nice.” “At least I’m trying to be nice, unlike some people…” “She makes you uneasy doesn’t she? She sets you off the same as me, except Tsumiki-san always looks so pathetic so you feel bad that you’re just a little bit scared of her, so instead of trying to deal with her you just keep her at a distance with that niceness of yours.” Komaeda’s eyes lowered on the form of the sleeping Tsumiki. His feelings were just like that of Kumagawa, while they were so in common he felt repulsed like pushing two of the same sides of a magnet together he also could not let go of this person. “If you understood her though you’d know that’s just as bad. A little bit of attention is never going to satisfy her, she’s just going to keep demanding more and more until she wants everything from you.” “Mikan’s nice though, and she’s really gentle, she just wants friends who don’t push her around.” “It’s not about being nice, it’s about who she is fundamentally as a person. She’s lacking in something, she’s empty and broken in a way you can’t slap a bandaid on with kindness, so she tries to make up with it by getting the attention of others, it’s just she’s too stupid to be manipulative so she comes off looking pathetic instead. In her mind I’m sure she’s just embracing a role everybody else gave her and she thinks she’s controlling things that way… I’m sure all the accidents today weren’t accidents at all.” Komaeda said, and as he looked at Mikan in the bed he suddenly felt another headache. The person lying in the bed in front of him was not Mikan but rather himself, sick with fever looking on death’s door. He hated how he looked, pale, pathetic, clammy, there was sweat falling off his fingertips he must have been sticky with death and yet there was a boy who held his hand. It was a much more pleasurable warmth then the fires of the fever that threatened to burn him up. He grabbed his head again, wondering why he was seeing things that were not there, it’s just Mikan-chan… you’re probably just talking about yourself in your assessment of her that’s why you’re seeing you in her place. You’re just saying the things about yourself you’re too cowardly to admit by making it about her… Chiaki finally snapped, though she only showed that emotion as a small and tired sigh. “You’re always like this Komaeda… I’m too tired I’m going to go home and take a nap.” “Like what? I’m not like anything…” Komaeda said.“Whatever keep repressing yourself… You can finish without me can you?” “Yeah, I’ll bring your money out after this.” Komaeda said as he looked at the image of Chiaki’s back as she walked away. This time it was definitely his fault. Fuyuhiko asked him to help with Nanami, and he had purposefully gone out of his way to drive her off. See. I can take the blame for things, Kirigiri-san. Komaeda finished the rest of his shift in silence. If he had stayed silent to begin with, things would have gone a lot better he thought. Mikan’s parents paid him in cash, and MIkan bowed again and again asking him to apologize to Chiaki for causing her so much trouble. I don’t get an apology even though I’m the one who stayed  around and cleaned up after your messes? Komaeda thought as he began to walk in the street again. As he counted the money, between the two of them they had enough to buy tickets to take the bus for everybody and they could even invite Mikan along too. He had no idea how this would help solve a murder but at least if an event like this happened like a special event in a game, he could watch the smiles of everybody getting along even if he was just one of the npcs and not one of the featured story characters. After almost an entire day of most of the random accidents affecting Tsumiki instead of him, Komaeda suddenly walked into a person in the middle of the road the moment after he slipped his wallet back into his pockets. The two of them collided and then Komaeda managed to step on his foot in exactly the wrong angle that sent both of them falling forward, Komaeda on top and the stranger in black on the bottom. Their bodies were just so long and lanky that they ended up becoming entangled in each other and a mess of limbs. Komaeda threw his hands out to try to catch himself and ended up grasping somewhere warm. He looked down to see his hand had landed on the man’s crotch, and immediately jumped back to his feet. “Ah, sorry about that I’ll disappear forever now!” He said as he ran off in the opposite direction. Enoshima Junko snickered behind Hinata Izuru. “All you needed to do was steal his wallet you didn’t have to have a full blown romcom moment with him.”“...” Izuru stayed silent ignoring her. “Do you need a moment there buddy? I guess you lost it in the virtual world but in the real world aren’t you still technically a virgin?” “Unlike you whose both a terrible person in the real and virtual worlds.” Izuru finally snapped back When Komaeda made it to Chiaki’s house, he reached into his pocket only to find it empty. Then, he upturned his pocket. “Oh um… it must have fallen out of my pocket when I fell.” Chiaki tilted her head. “What fell out?” “My __”“Your what?” “I lost my ____.” Komaeda tried to speak again, only to find himself completely unable to say the word. Several times in the past he had been unable to say what he really wanted to say but this was getting ridiculous, so ridiculous even a clown thought it was too much. “They stole my ____ and the word ____…”Chiaki looked up from the blankets she had wrapped around her. “You know Komaeda if you had just apologized for earlier I’d be fine with it, but you’re just being weird again. It’s like you hide behind that weirdness to shield yourself from the consequences of your actions.” “No wait I was really trying to bring the ____ to you, I just lost it… I can’t, the words they won’t…” Perhaps it really was him though, after all he was always getting wires crossed in his brain, and he had smashed his head hard yesterday perhaps he had gotten a whole new set of wires crossed, and the sparks were finally emitting. “Like you could understand! You who always says what they want! You who always says the right thing! Who always knows what to do! The perfect girl! I want the words to come out of my mouth they just won’t, you have no idea how that feels like!” Komaeda finally snapped, and slammed the door. On the other side of it, whatever anger had welled up within him instantly evaporated leaving him feeling nothing more than hollow. I should have just apologized, Nanami even said it would be fine if I just apologized… I guess Kirigiri’s right and I do just blame others. He wanted to explain his situation but he did not think anybody would believe him. That was right nobody in this world would understand someone like him, so he decided once again to go talk to a nobody. 😈 Somehow, inevitably he always seemed to end up back at Kumagawa’s. He did not even particularly like visiting his senpai, but it had become a bad addictive habit of his, like smoking. 『The world is fundamentally absurd, in that context the default should be doubting reality not accepting it.』“Before you accuse the world of being absurd you should look at yourself and realize how absurd of a person you are, senpai.” Komaeda said coldly in response. Kumagawa took a bite out of the apple he was holding. He chewed loudly and with his mouth open. 『I am my own world. Everyone has their own little internal world - a forbidden garden only they can enter. Each person follows its own internal logic - individuality. And the logic of one world means nothing in another. Therefore can you really judge others? Can you recognize them as absurd?』 “That would also sound good if I wasn’t pretty sure you had not stolen half of that speech from a video game. If I wanted to be lectured by Kiryu Yoshiya I would just play the game.” Komaeda said. One had to be strict around Kumagawa, because Kumagawa flowed freely like water, and had little understanding of boundaries. Komaeda sometimes feared that one day Kumagawa might just disappear because the stuff that made him up had such loose connections it melted into liquid. Komaeda had defined himself and Mikan as empty, but Kumagawa was really the master of that, he flowed from one moment to the next merely changing his mask in reaction to it, even though Komaeda knew by now the inside of him was pure chaotic emotions. Formless like water, so he could be anything, he could be a weak stream one moment and a mighty river the next. 『You really like games, don’t you Nagito-chan?』 Komaeda immediately stopped waxing poetically in his head and instead his cheeks reddened giving color to his otherwise colorless cheeks as he looked away. “N-no, I don’t have any interests at all. There’s nothing I like enough to stand out.”『If you both like games so much you should get along.』 “Stop telling me to get along with someone I hate, you’re supposed to be different from everyone else… because you’re…” Like me. He wanted to say it but the words died on his tongue. It seemed like an incredibly cruel insult to his senpai to compare him to himself of all people.『You can still get along with someone you hate. Enemies and friends are basically the same thing right? Being hated and loved are just two sides of the same coin.』 “Only incredibly lonely people like you say that, senpai.” 『The world is harsh, and Nagito-chan’s world is especially harsh.』 “You still haven’t answered my question. Stop distracting me.”『But having long drawn out banter sessions with Nagito-chan is so fun.』“I know it’s not just my brain being broken, I… I think so anyway, I admit like you said I’m not the best judge on reality but something’s definitely wrong. I can’t say _____.”『Didn't that happen in a video game?』 "Yeah, kingdom hearts why? That's a game and this is reality."『Nagito-chan is so cute when he likes video games.』 "Shut up, there's nothing cute about me, my entire being is the antithesis of cute." 『It's a good thing that Nagito-chan is the antithesis because I'm the thesis of cute and to paraphrase Hegel advancement cannot occur without both thesis and antithesis.』 "Paraphrase your ass. You're probably just quoting another video game there's no way you've read Hegel."『How can I paraphrase your ass? It's so cute I need to describe it with full prose, well anyway. That kind of thing is probably an abberation.』 “Abberation?”『Abnormal and irrational. It’s a term for supernatural events and entities that surpass abnormals, if you were to ever meet a non-human they’d be an abberation. Most supernatural events in reality are just lapses in the perception of reality right? What we think of supernatural events are just a metaphor for the cracks in our own vision.』 “A metaphor?" 『Mmm, you know like abnormals right. It’s just a metaphor for adolescence.』 “Adolescence?”Kumagawa took another bite of his apple, throwing the core away he picked up another one and began chewing. The entire time he had been speaking with his mouth open which was annoying to Komaeda, but Komaeda wondered what had made his senpai so hungry.『It’s because I’m empty on the inside, so I’m devouring apples.』Kumagawa answered the thought before Komaeda even spoke it. 『You’re making such a wonderful straight man today, I guess I win the absurdity contest between the two of us even though I’m the only straight man here… but that too is just a loss because all it means is I’m a bigger weirdo.』 “Kumagawa-senpai please the explanation before you start spiraling into self loathing like a screw being driven into a board.’『What a beautiful metaphor for my existence. Nagito-chan always says such pretty things, that’s why I’m glad this piece is an absurdist comedy that focuses on long dialogue conversations. So, so, adolescence right, people become self involved for the first time and believe they’re the most unique existences in the world. They think they’re impossible to understand and spend the entire time trying to figure themselves out, thus abnormalities arise an obsession with figuring out the abnormal in you and mastering it.』“You have to understand yourself before you can understand others I guess…” Komaeda wondered why that had to be such a one way or the other rule, it seemed unfair to those who could not understand themselves but still wanted to appreciate others.『Then, there are the minus. We’re unable to grow properly because we’ve been broken and stunted, so, looking at our internal wounds we try to hurt others in the way we’ve been hurt, we push all of that damage outwards.』“I’m not like that, I’m trying my best to repress myself and hold it all in, and not ask for anything from others or give anything to others.”『We can’t grow up either, because it all just cycles back, we hurt others and are hurt again and caught in that circle we fail to ever grow or learn properly from our mistakes. The abuse we’ve endured doesn’t make us strong, it just weakens us more and more. We hate everyone for not looking our way when we’re suffering and living their own lives, but it turns out we’re just as self obsessed as them in the end, we’re only looking at our own wounds, our own broken perception.』 No… That was wrong. Kumagawa took pride in the minus more than anything else, even if it was a lie that he did not really believe he would tell it for the sake of others. Hating himself but not letting that get in the way of loving others with all he had, that was the senpai he knew. The world is fundamentally absurd, that was what Kumagawa had said. There was no such thing as fundamental laws, there was no structure holding it all together. Each person lives in their own world, and the boundaries between worlds can never be truly crossed. A forbidden garden. Stealing away someone’s world was like stealing away an apple. People kept things hidden for a reason, they were forbidden for a reason, people chose carefully what parts of themselves to present to the world and what to hide. Getting close to someone just meant exposing what was never meant to be exposed. A person dwelling within their own world was fundamentally alone. Their udnerstanding of another person’s world was just a delusion on their part. Komaeda was sitting, staring at the mirror between them. On the other side Kumagawa was certainly there he knew for sure, but it was a mirror and not a window. He could not peer into Kumagwa’s world no matter how much he wanted to. He could only see his own reflection staring back at him. No matter how much he wanted to escape his own perceptions because of how faulty he knew them to be, he would only be able to judge Kumagawa’s world through his eyes. Everybody should be as equally blind as he was and yet he somehow managed to be worse at this then others. A true talent. A one in a million prodigy. It was only a terrible accident that led him to being so close to understanding Kumagawa, because Kumagawa’s life was unfortanate just like his, because they both had such terrible luck of course they ran into each other. A cruel calculation of probability allowing two such people to exist. Yet, neither of them could comfort each other either, as they both sat on opposite sides of the mirror.People had to understand themselves to be able to see others and leave the self obsession of adolescence. People had to look at others to be able to understand themselves. Komaeda thought that was just an unsolvable equation from his perspective. After all, he could not understand himself nor others. He did not want to look at himself nor others. Even if he looked at others, all he would see was himself in the mirror looking back. If he reached out and smashed the mirror that laid as the borderline between their worlds, then their world would be destroyed before he could ever see it. Someone like him who could do neither, how was he supposed to grow? Kumagawa and him had just taken similar paths to reach this point, that was why he could deduce their similarities. The winding and twisted paths taken to reach here, those themselves were mirror images. At one point they were but youths, and then suddenly they turned into young adults. Growing older they rotted away like wilted cherry blossoms clinging to a branch, knowing that once they were blown away they would be promptly forgotten and no one in the world would know of their existences. So, the two of them fantasized over and over again. What would it be like to obtain an immortal body, to live their entire lives without dying. For Kumagawa his fantasy had just come true, but whether it was just a fantasy or not, they both lived that way, living without dying, suffeing over and over again refusing to die when everyone else would, prolonging a pointless life. The reason why? They just hated idea of others around them dying, so they came to despise death. Wishing others to live while you yourself lived like you were already dead was a contradiction though. The contradictions they carried around were getting too heavy. So, they had settled down to rest, but all they could do was lean their heads against opposite sides of the mirror. They had reached the same end point of their paths, the same conclusion to a long, meandering, and pointless story. “If we’re going to end up sad and if that’s fine, then we can just laugh alone forever.” It’s like they were living hated by life itself They spoke of happiness but they never even once understood it. Things like love, friendship, happiness, those things could only be obtained for them in comical dreams. Dreams…? This is… This is… Ah, sorry did I go off on another tangent again, telling this story with such an unpleasant perspective character and an unpleasant narrator combined, for enduring it this far you have my praise. These thoughts I always carry with me are so essential to my nature I thought they would be easy to convey, but just as I'm always remembering them I'm always trying to forget as well, and then the moment I put them into words it becomes hard to explain, oh but I'm sure it's much harder for you to listen to dear reader. Komaeda felt another headache and crumpled forward. Unlike everybody else who had been ignoring his chain headaches all day, Kumagawa imediately dropped his apple and let it roll across the floor and went to grab the sides of Komaeda’s hands, cradling his head and guiding it into his chest. “Your chest is way too flat senpai, I prefer guys with bigger chests.”『Me too. We can finally agree on something.』 “Kumagawa-senpai, we’re nineteen and twenty when are we going to grow up already?”『I don’t know.』 “You’re always babbling but you don’t say anything at all.”『That’s because I know nothing.』 “I think I’m going to go try to talk to Nanami-san again.” Komeada said, standing up and turning away. He had looked at the mirror, that is to say himself for about as long as he could bear it this time. As usual, Kumagawa’s words helped him little in finding a conclusion he had just up and decided on one on his own. 『Make sure to bring me more food next time!』 “If I didn’t bring you any food you’d starve to death, huh? That’d probably be better off for everybody.”『If I die then I’d like to be one of those poltergeist ghosts so I can continue spitting others with my existence even into the next life.』 “You’re such an optimist senpai…” Komaeda said, as he shut the door behind him. “There’s no such thing as a next life, this one world is all we have, that’s why you can’t let it get destroyed no matter what, otherwise everything will fall apart like glass in your hands and you can’t put it back together.”『Losing things isn’t so bad, drama queen. There are new things you can obtain.』 “Oh, like what?”『In a word…money. That’s what someone once told me. 』 “No, aren’t there other things?”『Ahhhh? Is there really anything else in this world?』 “Like you know… Love?”『Ahhhh? Love? Oh yeah, I know love. The convenience store was selling it. 』 “The convenience store! Was selling it!”『Yeah, for 298 yen.』 “What a cheap thing love is! A bargain!” Komaeda decided this conversation was kind of stupid. “Well, I’m a high schooler so I don’t have money for both food and love, so it looks like you’ll have to keep living without love like always senpai.” Maybe it wasn’t all about love, it was more about having others around to help out with perception like how Fuyuhiko could confirm the things that he was unable to see, or when he was seeing something nobody else saw because he could not trust his own but... but love was a nice thing to have, like a luxury, but luxuries didn’t often go to sale for 298 yen. 😈 Izuru Hinata appeared right in front of Nanami Chiaki. Rather than scream at the monster with glowing red eyes, or call for her parents, she immediately threw her arms around him. “You… you’re finally… all that time I kept thinking about how I just wanted to play video games with you again.” Izuru had been cruel in erasing Komaeda’s memories of him before entering the game, but he had also been cruel in leaving Chiaki’s memories of Kamukura in tact. He had been doubly cruel, because as usual he wanted things both ways, he wanted everything and nothing from people. He felt a fresh wave of self loathing for his past self, and the idea that Chiaki did not even fault him for what he did, that she had immediately embraced all of him was heavy on him. A heaviness on his fragile self, that was actually two selves patched together, one right arm, one left leg, one right foot, one left hand, something like that. He was a frankenstein’s monster of two dead people who could never return to their previous state of being. Even his name was sloppily stitched together, Hinata Izuru because he did not want to go on calling himself Kamukura after that project and Hajime after that foolish boy. He wanted her to hug him so hard that he would split in half, because then maybe Chiaki might understand what kind of broken person he was. Not the school, not Enoshima Junko, but the boy who had met her on the fountain that day the boy who had had nothing ever happen to him was equally broken and self absorbed. Because Chiaki would have been happy if just one person noticed her, and reached out to her, while she was busy reaching out to everybody else. She just wanted to have one person treat her normally, not see her as a savior, just like Komaeda did and he a normal boy had been too absorbed in his own inferiority.He wanted to run away but he had decided to stop with that. It was going to be awkward, it would be forced, he would look terrible… ah he was getting embarrassed already at least it might turn out better than with Shiranui. “Hey, when we first met do you think we were in love? Is that why we waited for each other at the fountain every day.” “I think we were…” “Yeah, I think we were too but… I was immature. I wanted to love you but I only saw your talent.” “But I was really happy that you fell in love with me all the same. I mean it.” “I know, thanks.” “I loved you, too. My feelings for you were real. But, I didn’t even think of myself once back then. Maybe… I was afraid of thinking of myself, because I thought everybody would find out there was nothing to me, I was just an empty girl who liked games. I thought if you loved me, you would love me for me.” “...Chiaki.” “Hey, Izuru. I did so many things wrong. Can we hit a reset button on our relationship? Can we load a previous save? No… that’s not possible is it.” “You did so many things wrong? Upupupfffft, no it’s just the opposite. If you had screwed up a little more your precious classmates might have seen you as human instead of just as a symbol," Junko giggled. “Oh, Junko’s here too…” Chiaki said drily. “It’s because you made yourself into such a symbol that you became the perfect little sacrifice to break everybody’s last resistance against me. Nanami-senpai couldn’t save us so no one can. They were all waiting for you to save them that’s why they were so easy to manipulate.” “I know… I… I hit a game over. I should have been able to save everyone, I loved all of them… why wasn’t that enough? Why wasn’t I enough?” As he saw Chiaki’s form in front of him start to destabilize and pixelate he shot a glare back at Junko. “Chiaki,  that girl is has no redeeming qualities, and she’d never make a good example in all aspects excepting this one. Enoshima Junko is living proof, that after first love you can always find a second love. You can always try again and again. That’s why that annoying couple is always breaking apart and somehow finding themselves together again. You can hit the reset button as many times as you want, you can start over with those people again and let them know the real you.” “Izuru… I… I don’t regret meeting you even though it ended terribly.” “I don’t regret meeting you either.” “I want to try over again.” “Sure, as many times as you want.” “Izuru, did you love me?” “Yeah.” “Do you still love me?” “Sorry, there’s someone else I love now.” “Do you love them more than you did me?” “Yeah, because I love every part of them, their flaws, and their likable traits. I had to look at those things.” “Thank you for loving me once.” “Thank you for loving me too.” Before their voices could fade away, Chiaki suddenly grabbed him by the lapels of his shirt  and pulled him down to her level. “I… I don’t want to be in an imaginary world forever. You’ll keep your promise and show me the real world right?” “Of course.” “Then… Just like last time, kill me again.” “Huh?” Hinata stopped. He had explained this to Enoshima Junko already. They were to come into this world and persuade them to leave the perfect dream world for the imperfect real world, to wake up from a happy dream and continue on with a nightmare like reality. He had already made the choice to continue living so he wanted to reach out a hand to his friends just as he had been helped by people reaching out to him over and over again in the past. They could also break them out of this world simply by killing them, but that was a health risk to their bodies if the shock was too much. “I can’t leave people behind, Komaeda and Mikan are here. I don’t want to abandon my friends.” “Selfless to the end.” “Stupid to the end.” Junko interjected. “You’re just selfish to the end…” Izuru muttered back at her until he looked at Chiaki again. “I… I’m afraid Chiaki, last time I just watched you die I didn’t do anything because I’m a pathetic person who can’t do anything on his own and sits still unless others push him…” Suddenly, Chiaki got into his face energetically once more. Just like a switch she somehow flipped between the sleepy and despondent girl, to the energetic girl he had once known last year. “I know a simple trick to make things sound less pathetic, you simply need to add the word courage.” “That sounds like the best…” Izuru said, amazed. “You can make almost anything sound positive by adding the word courage.” “That can’t be right. I refuse to believe that japanese is structured that way.” “Shall I demonstrate?” SHe let go of him and backed off. Izuru’s red eyes locked on her, getting serious. “Bring it. If you can satisfy me, I’ll do whatever you wish.” “Very well. I accept your challenge. You’re like a phoenix from the flame Izuru.” “No uh… I’m not anything cool like that.” “Very well, I’ll begin. The courage to skip school and play video games all day.” “Not bad… it sounds like you’re deliberately throwing away the standard education and devoting your life to a more chosen hobby even though it comes with the risk of not being accepted by society.” “The courage to sleep in until noon.” “Amazing, you’re choosing to buck the schedules of everyone else and live entirely by your own clock, what an amaizng independent person even though you’re really probably just having a sleep dysfunction.” “Then please... “ She looked him in the eye, tears brimming in the corners of her eye. “The devour me courageously, one last time.” He wondered why she had not cried until now, because Chiaki was just a normal girl after all. She was probably still trying to hold it back for his sake. Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic, he had the courage to be pathetic. Nothing could change it no matter how many surgeries underwent, there was still nothing he could do for Chiaki. She was going to die in his arms again, and that was the only affection he could show her. The last time he had stood still and simply watched her die. This time he raised a finger and said softly, “Bang…” Then dipped her low as if they were in a dance and then suddenly the strings had been cut from her body and it went limp. Bleeding from a hole in her chest, finally seeing and realizing the hole in her chest Chiaki was able to be honest. "I... I wanted you to be the one to save me, Hinata." "Me too. I wanted to save you too, but I didn't." Tears fell freely from her face, as quickly as she was bleeding. Hinata wondered why it had to come with this, she should have cried a long time ago instead of waiting until now.  "I'm unreliable, so I won't be there in the future to save you either. It isn't easy to make decisions on your own right? But.. because it's you I know you can do it."  He was just a witness after all. He wanted to follow the brilliant star of hope hoping it would lead him somewhere interesting. He was not a complete enough person to take steps on his own, and he did not want Chiaki to be hindered by his incomplete self anymore. Chiaki unlike him was, a normal girl, who could care for others in a normal way, he wanted her to have that life back again especially since he could never return to the normal boy that was Hajime. He did not know if it was his own selfish wish imposed upon her, or he was finally owing up to his selfishness in the past, all he could do was face her with this lopsided and mishapen form of two halves he had accepted and tried to show her all of it. But apparently, he was still lacking in self awareness as he had no idea what kind of face he was making as he looked down at her.  She reached up with a hand, and touched his face. “So you really did cry when I died the first time I see… I’m so happy.” Then, her hand fell limp against him. Izuru with his head facing away from Junko muttered only to himself. “Don’t get happy over stupid things like that, you don’t have to accept that kind of small happiness…” That was why he could not stand this dream world. That was why he had wanted to tear it apart, because Komaeda and her deserved so much more, because they deserved everything.When he could see Junko, the misery voyeur hovering around him trying to inspect his face he swatted her away like she was a fly. He wanted Chiaki to be the only one to see the face he made in that moment. Of course she was not that easy to get rid of. The Junko of the past was, but she had become quite peristent, in other words Kumagawa had changed her for the worst. Finally, still holding onto Chiaki he asked her without looking up. “Did I sound more like Hajime or Kamukura back then?” “Hmmm, definitely the dumbass.” “I guess it depends who I’m around…” Before he could ponder that question of his existence any further suddenly they both noticed the door was open, even though they had deleted all the npcs in this house. Komaeda was standing in the doorway, he had witnessed him shooting Chiaki in the chest. “A bullet in the chest no that’s… that’s my memory with him… that’s mine…” Komaeda muttered, over and over again. He seemed to be suffering from sensory overload again, experiencing too much of reality at once. That was Hinata’s fault too, because they were trying to break him to break his world, but it had turned out harder than they had thought. It was hard to break things that were already broken, they just kept breaking into smaller pieces. “Why… Why…not me...” Izuru stood up. He moved like he was one with the shadow, and in a moment he was standing tall in front of Komaeda. “It’s because you forgot about me.” He said, before he punched hard into the boy’s gut and then twisted his fist around, twisting that boy’s insides up even further than they already had been. Komaeda collapsed on the floor coughing up blood. He wanted to vomit but did not want to see what was inside of him, he wanted to keep it all inside, he had been struggling so hard to keep all of it from pouring out even while walking with an open wound on his body. As he lost consciousness again, this time a voice whispered in his ears. You shouldn’t seek to define love, anything is an acceptable form of love, even dying is a form of love. Oh, I’m so jealous, I’m so jealous dying in the arms of a person that loved him, I’m so jealous, I’ll never die like that. The voice whispering in his ear, he could not longer distinguish if it was his own or Kumagawa’s, just that the voices had an ugly harmony when they spoke together and kept chattering like that. He hated. Ugly noises. So much. Kumagawa sat in his room blissfully unaware of these events. He rolled over on the desks he was sleeping on, again, and again, moaning in discomofrt, before sitting up once more and resting his elbow on his knee as he looked to the girl in the corner connected to him by chains. When she pretended to ignore him he threw a pillow at her head covered in a paper bag.Kumagawa picked up another apple, and tried to eat it, only to throw it away immediately after his first bite. 『 This apple tastes terrible. It must be rotted. 』 “It could be poisonous.”『 If it was a poisoned apple I’d finally be able to sleep. 』“Then you wouldn’t wake up though, so please bite into it as deeply as you can my hated one.”『 Good point. 』 He laid back and crossed his hands over his chest like he were laying in a coffin. 『 I wonder when is my princess going to come for me, to wake me with a kiss. 』

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Inversion. The colors became flipped, black became white, the image of the world twisted in on itself. You were looking at the exact same picture through the exact same eyes and yet it was somewhat different at the same time.Again, and again Kumagawa took care of his younger classmen Komaeda Nagito and Tsumiki Mikan, and he seemed to be possessed by a strength that those two did not have. In the end though that strength turned out to be a lie. The Kumagawa Misogi who could always stand up on his own no matter what trauma he endured was also another lie. Instead of supporting them, he was being supported by them. Each of his younger classmen took turns checking on him, and they thought if they stopped this he would die. Not from actively killing himself, but rather consumed by his own apathy and lacking the strength to keep on living. They knew though one thing at the core of his being Kumagawa himself hated dying more than anything else, so they had decided to take care of him. Still, being around him was like gravity ceasing to function. Once upon a time their senpai had held their hands tightly and became something that grounded them to the earth and kept them from floating away, he would cling onto them no matter what. Now, it seemed like Kumagawa might float away as gravity did not function in his presence, and black became white, and up became down. Not to change metaphors… I do that a lot don’t I? My thoughts scatter from one moment to the next and… no wait, don’t change metaphors in the middle of changing metaphors my readers will hate me. In other words Kumagawa gave the sensation that he was drowning without even trying to swim to the surface. When Mikan opened the door that morning, she could swear for a moment it was like a blast of water suddenly shot out from the middle school classroom, like the entire room had been flooded a moment before, and the river of it gushing out threatened to sweep her away. Astronauts trained in water, because floating under the water was a situation similar to zero gravity. In that moment as she walked in the room she could have sworn she saw Kumagawa floating, his entire presence had a sort of weightlessness. Howeve, she blinked and the next moment he was curled up on the desks, his eyes half moons, crescents he was trying to force shut to get some sleep, trying and failing. She walked over to him and grabbed him by the back of the collar, dragging him up and forcing him to sit up. He did not sleep with any blankets at all, and often he did not even bother with a pillow claiming he was more used to discomfort than comfort anyway.Just like she was taking care of a patient who could not move their own body, she almost immediately went to grab at his already half unbuttoned shirt. She slowly pulled it off, trying to catch Kumagawa’s eyes. Kumagawa’s eyes were out of focus, as if he was staring at her through the water, and the light was refracting around and causing ripples in her image. Or perhaps he was still looking through a dream and trying to determine reality. Either way, Kumagawa’s eyes were shaking with such an intense fear she had never seen before, until she started to take care of him like this. The first time she had saw it, her own nervous demeanor so sensitive it had gripped her like a hand reaching around her heart and squeezing tight, and all of his fear flowed right into her, like pushing her head down under the rushing water at a mouth of a river.Eventually though his eyes came to focus and the fear faded away. Kumagawa had always hid such apprehension at others before in order to come close to him, but now it seemed to leak out, drip, drip, drip, his body was just covered in too many cracks, she saw them as she looked at his bear chest. He had been hit too hard, and the scars crisscrossing across his chest were where his body had broken and fractured. Even though his eyes acknowledged her, even though he was passively letting her do as she pleased, Mikan still wanted to hear his voice again. Even if it meant grabbing him by the hair and dragging his head above the surface of the water. “Hey, Kumagawa-senpai do you know what the difference between the Englosh words ‘lunatic’ and ‘insane’?” Tsumiki Mikan asked.『They’re both adjectives describing mental abnormality. I’m not quite sure how they differ.』 “Insane probably means to have an innate mental problem, something that calls for professionale treatment, while ‘lunatic’ means to have your sanity temporarily seized by luna which is ‘moon’ in Latin. In nineteenth-century England, if you were a certified lunatic and you committed a crime the severity of the crime would be reduced a notch. The idea was that the crime was not so much the responsibility of the person himself as that he was led astray by the moonlight.”『Mikan-chan is so smart when she talks about medicine, I love the confident Mikan-chan the best.』She grabbed him by the hand and guided him out of the classroom step by step, she thought she heard the sounds of dragging and shaking chains as she did, but that could just be a mistake based on how his own body was shaking as he moved. The middle school building had working pipes still, so when they made it to a locker room the remaining shower head that was not broken off sprayed out water when the knob was turned. She looked at Kumagawa clinging to two whole fingers of her hand like a lost child might being guided solely by that hand because they were too terrified to look at the stranger adult it belonged to and then forced herself to look away. She kicked a bench over underneath the shower head and Kumagawa sat down on his own, however the moment he did he immediately drifted forward and bent over as if still sleeping. Despite the fact that he was barely moving his body, and he was curled up like that, his voice worked just fine, like his voice was some disembodied thing from that pathetic shell. “Do you know what the difference between the moon and the star is?”『One is a pure white light, and the other can only reflect the ligt it is given by others, and the moon also has the dark side of the moon a place where no light reaches.』 “Why is that?”『The moon turns at exactly the same time as the earth so one part of it as always facing away, so that part is just unlucky, the way it turns is out of sync with everybody else so it’s always facing away from them.』 “I wasn’t talking from an astrology perspective though, it’s just like this… the light star is a temporary source of light, it only shines bright briefly. The moon is a constant, it’s always going to be there.”『It’s pretty hard to ignore the moon, because it’s light is so soft it’s always present. The reason that shadows exist at night is probably because of the light of the moon, but the light of stars is easily snuffed out. Stars are big losers in other words.』 “You know, big stars when they die create supernovas, but small stars swell up brilliantly for a moment and then collapse in on themselves and snuff out their own light.”『The girl I love would say that’s boring, that it’s way more fun to burn in a brilliant explosion and then become a black hole that devours everything once you’re gone.』 “To me though you’re much more like one of those tiny stars, senpai.”『Is that so, then I suppose I’ve disappointed the girl I loved once again...』“You know in Howl’s Moving there’s a scene where a star falls from the sky, I don’t remember it too well but that scene reminds me of you, senpai.”『I’m not handsome enough to be Howl. I don’t think I’ll ever be handsome, I’m just a cute little boy, wait unless you’re calling me the demon - mean. I’m being bullied by Mikan-chan of all people.』A fallen star… that was adding another metaphor on, if only Kumagawa were not made up of so many contradictions I would not have to annoy my dear reader like this with all these criss crossing metaphors. However, they are connected just a little bit, the ocean reflects the sky right? Just like the moon hangs in the pitch black night sky, its image and inverse also reflects in the ocean. In that way to her Kumagawa was like water, but also he was like a void. If you sank to the bottom of the ocean the place where no light reached, that was probably where you would find Kumagawa.“Come on you can do this part on your own can’t you?”『...Too sleepy.』 “All you ever seem to do is sleep.”『I know pathetic right. All I do is lay around all day, and yet I can’t even sleep you think that’s the one thing I’d be good at. I can’t even get right the thing most people do without even thinking about once a day.』 Kumagawa used to banter in a light hearted manner, but now even his banter quickly became unhinged and started to spiral. Mikan simply picked up the shower head and sprayed him, while he was wearing black boxers. She watched the water watching over faded red marks all over his back, and then drain away.『It won’t wash out… It never washes out.』 “I know…” She said quietly, lacking her nervous demeanor. She was weak around strong people, the only time she could be even somewhat confident was when she was taking care of people much weaker than her, and that was the only time she could actually voice her thoughts as well and sound somewhat intelligent instead of a frantic hysteric girl. She was always observing things, she was rather observant, but like an artist trying to paint in the rain she never could manifest those images, those things she saw, they all washed away into formless colors.She turned around to pick up his clothes and fold them when she heard a crash. Immediately MIkan saw that Kumaawa had fallen off the small stool and was lying on the ground watching the water drain away.『Do you think I could drown in a few centimeters of water?』 “Technically it’s possible.” She answered him like a healthcare professional rather than speaking with concern in her voice.『You know the story of the ugly duckling?』 “Well of course, every ugly pig girl like me knows that story.”『I hate that story. People can’t become beautiful overnight, they can only suffer over and over again until they become beautiful. But that’s a lie too, because suffering just gives you ugly scars.』 She reached up and touched his hands, the same hands that were covered in scars like the rest of them. “I thought you said scars were beautiful.”『They’re just lacerations… burns... pure white like a swan...』Kumagawa had tried to pull his hands away when talking about lacerations, but then suddenly he went slack again. He closed his eyes and spoke as if his words were traveling through water, like a layer of water existed in between him and what he was currently trying to dream about. 『That man said that living was just the accumulation of bad karma, that it slowly dyed pure white things black, and that I was lucky… because I would die while I was innocent, while I was pure white...』“Do you not like water, senpai?”『No, at a young age they tried to drown me in it, just like Toko-chan.』 “Toko…?”『Nevermind, it’s like she never existed so don’t worry about it. She’s like a person you meet in a dream, and then you forget about them when you wake up.』 The sensation of weightlessness, no more like the sensation of falling, a star that had fallen out of the sky falling further, further, she reached and grabbed his wrist this time so he would not fall away from her. She let him back, water still dripping off of him. When she pulled up a set from him and offered him food, his face drifted into the food like he was still asleep. It took him a moment to gain the strength to lift his own head again. He reached forward and ate with his hands. As he did she sat on one of the desks and watched him, it was like a child who had never been taught table manners. “You know senpai, you and Komaeda-kun are like yin and yang, pitch black and pure white. Except, the dark swirl yin has a little spot of pure white in it, and the light swirl yang has a little bit of pitch black on the inside.”『Twisted inner reflections of one another...』 “You always frame things in such a gloomy way senpai. What I mean to say is Nagito-chan used to be someone who was always distant from everyone, he was pure white. Yet inside of them there was somebody who in spite of all of that desired to be normal, in spite of what trauma he carried. That was like the old you, the pitch black you that always got close to others and didn’t care if it would hurt. And now it’s like… no matter how many times others cut you, or you cut yourself, there was some part of you that was always kept sectioned away from everything else so it would remain pure, you hid it away from everybody else and even yourself, a scared child, but now that the masks have fallen away that’s all that’s left of you. A scared crying child, afraid of getting hurt.”In the past he had worn and discarded masks easily, flowing from one moment to the next, like a play in which he had cast himself as all of the parts and needed to run back and forth on the stage. He threw the masks aside easily thinking that he would never run out, that he could keep the show going on forever, that it did not matter how bad the performance was, or if anybody was watching, all he was focused on was keeping it up in its perpetuity. That was why it had happened without him even noticing it. One day he was sitting atop a pile of masks, and when he looked down at his own hands he did not recognize them, when he reached up to feel the contours of his face he did not recognize that either. All he could see  was the clothes he was wearing over himself. The day that he met Ajimu in an alleyway, he was thirteen years old. Until that point he was a lost child, that was the first time he had been found, that was the first time he had been looked at in the eye as if he was invisible before that point. Ajimu took him to her home which was a classic style house with tatami mats, and then exchanged the rags he was wearing with white robes. She asked him what he wanted to do and the first thing that came to Kumagawa’s mind was the games that other children played that he had watched from afar. He wanted to chase her around laughing, he wanted to split popsicles in half and share them. At that moment Kumagawa had yet to realize Ajimu had a dak side, that she had self interest, that she wanted something out of him. He thought like a child for the first time in his life, he did not even realize the girl in front of him was not a human being, he just saw her as another child. So he chased her around in the grass and takcled her over. While laughing he thought about how much fun he was having. He thought he really could be saved by this laughter, by this fun, he thought the smile he was wearing on his face was a real one, that he could smile without even having to think about why he was smiling or force his facial muscles to bend and stretch. No matter what he endured, Kumagawa tried to keep that memory fixed in his heart. He tried to keep the boy in the white robe still there, still laughing. It was the first time, and perhaps the only time he had felt like a human being. To him, that boy in the white robe was his humanity, and to endure everything like a heartless doll he divested away that part of him from himself.But now all of those masks had fallen away, and the small child was all that was left of himself, and all he could do was feel pain without healing.Snow white. In that story the hunter was supposed to lock snow white’s heart in a box. He thought he was giving her mercy by telling her to run away, but Kumagawa thought keeping the heart locked in the box forever so Snow White could walk around without ever getting hurt after that would have been the greater mercy. Even if it meant the prince would never find her, even if it meant that she would never be kissed after falling into a sleep and never wake up. No this isn’t confusing or mixed up, Kumagawa himself is the confusing one, the mixed up existence. He opened his eyes again and realized he had already finished eating, and that Mikan had draped a blanket over him. He stared at her for a moment  wanting to continue their conversation, but he had forgotten where they had stopped. 『Apple. Rotten apple, Dead apple. Apple suicide. Emukae-chan...』 “Emukae-chan?”『She was someone I knew once, she was with me in the reserve course before transferred to the main course, before I met all you. She was a lot like you, except when she touched things and they rotted away whereas your touch heals things.』 “I don’t… I don’t heal. If I was a good person, I would help you recover Senpai, but sometimes I think that I want you to stay like this so you’ll keep clinging to me forever.”『That’s fine...』 “No, it’s not fine. It’s like you don’t care what people think about you at all because you already except the worst.”『Emukae-chan wrapped her own hands around her neck and killed herself. I saw her neck slowly rot away, until one of the vital cords snapped and then she was gone. Her head rolled uselessly to the side and the light from her eye vanished.』“S-so, I’m so sorry she died…” Tsumiki’s nerves crept back into her voice.『She didn’t die.』 “Huh?”『She killed herself but she didn’t die, I undid everything that happened to her.』 “Why did she want to die?”『She fell in love with the wrong prince. A prince named Yasuke-chan, but his heart already belonged to a princess, and she did not want him to choose so she chose for him. She knowingly bit into the poison apple, and committed apple suicide.』 “Falling in love with the wrong person…” Tsumiki suddenly put a hand down to the side of Kumagawa who was sitting on the edge of the desk wrapped in a blanket. She leaned against him for a moment. “If only I could fall in love with you senpai, because you actually care about other people, because you’re weak and on their level like other people not a princess who stands about everyone.”『But I’m a guy you know.』 “Yeah, I only like girls, or rather the only time I’ve actually ever wanted someone was with a girl, the rest of the time I just wanted them to want me…”『That’s not a bad thing. Mikan-chan you should stop trying to get the attention of boys so much and stop offering your body to them.』 “Because I look desperate?”『No, it’s just… not fun for you… right?』 “Who thinks of things in terms of only whether they’re fun or not, you really are a kid senpai, but that’s okay…” She stopped leaning on him but even as she stood up, she kept her hands folded around her chest. “I’ll forgive you.”『F..orgiven? How come… Emukae-chan....』 When his fits of sleepiness got bad, even words slipped slowly from his mouth, dripping like gradual drops of water leaking you, 『Wasn’t… forgiven...』 “Bullies, meanies, people that hurt, they’re all forgve but we’re not right? They can all be forgiven and move on and we never stop being victims.”Kumagawa tried to smile at her. A smile as soft as the moon's light, that could only reflect back the light of others, not generate any brightness of its own.  That smile only made tears well in the corners of Mikan’s eyes, but she hid them from him as she quickly turned away. As she wanted to see her star shine again, even if it was just a pinprick of light on the night sky, the Kumagawa who was always struggling to shine, the light that he had made had illuminated her once, so gently, so softly, as if embracing all of her at once in its warmth.As she finished redoing some of the bandages on his body, she pulled his shirt back on and left him there in a button up shirt and boxers. If he was cold he could dress himself the rest, it’s not that he couldn’t, he was usually just too apathetic to bother. She knew once a week he was driven by compulsion to actually leave his room to get shonen jump, as if compulsion was the only thing that could propel him at this point.She left a few bandages behind rolled up, and exchanged the old parts of the medicine box he kept with him and then, carrying the lunch box in her arms she left. As she was walking down the staircase, for a moment she felt a breeze pass by her, as if somebody else had been walkng up the stairs at the exact same time, she felt her heart seize up with something and turned her head only to see nothing at all. Then, she let out an eep as she realized how late she was for work and doubled her speed to make it to her parent’s hospital so she would not be scolded for being late, though if she was scolded she was pretty sure she could get out of it by crying because that was how she got out of most things. She could swear though when she turned her head she saw the ruffle of a plaid skirt walking past her out of the corner of her eyes, but she could not think about that too long now, she was too busy distracted by Kumagawa and Komaeda and the problem of dealing with them. Komaeda without his hope, and Kumagawa without winning, even if it was just something they pretended to do, a mask they put on, a lie they told, it was a vital lie they clung to and without it it was like both of them had had half of themselves torn away. 😈 Enoshima Junko raised her red and black boot, and slammed the heel into the door kicking it open. “Waaaaaaaake up, seeeeeeenpaaaaaaii!” She yelled, as loudly as the door slamming announced her entrance. However, despite how loud her presence was, the room itself was entropy all the energy she brought in disappated and she could not shake up a single thing. The thud of the door opening only echoed emptily until it too faded.     She saw Kumagawa laying on the desks, his blanket discarded and his arm over his eyes to drown out light as he tried to get some sleep. Immedaitely she walked over to him and grabbed him the collar of his long, loose fitting, half unbuttoned white shirt whose sleeves were so big his hands could not be seen and yanked him up. “Your fault, your fault, your fault, this is all your fault Misogi.” She said, hitting his cheeks lightly just to wake him up. However, Kumagawa was impassive still, a stretch of water so still and so silent she could not make a single ripple. “All I care about is despair!” She grabbed him by the hair and picked him up, shaking him back and forth as she did until he was sitting up. “I’ve never once felt hope towards living, the only thing I was looking forward to was dying drowning in despair!”She pinched at his cheeks hard with her red nails and played with his sleeping face, stretching his face as far as he could trying to make a smile, then she twisted trying to wake him up once more. “It’s destiny! The reason I was born!” She reached forward and grabbed his hair and softly slicked it back to expose his forehead, before flicking him again and again in the same spot trying to wake him up, or perhaps just trying to be obnoxious. “You’ve destroyed it! Someone like me, I wasn’t born just to live… what a stupid reason that is! You barged in, stomped on my destiny, destroyed everything I worked for! So why…?”She dropped him right then, Kumagawa’s body refused to move at all no matter how much she poked and prodded it, no matter how much she pulled at his strings. It was the height of frustration because everybody moved like she wanted, but it was also what made him so interesting because he was the only one to resist her to this extent. “Why… why did you suddenly drop in my life and disappear?” She held a hand out in front of him. “This is what you wanted isn’t it? You wanted me to reach out for you so why aren’t you even looking at me?” Enoshima Junko only really imagined the feelings of others when they were in despair, because otherwise while she could understand other people and how they would act, and react in each situation with their emotions like strictly defined chemical reactions she saw no use in empathy at all. At this moment she could finally understand what he felt when she had been standing at that balcony, when she had stepped off and suddenly been grabbed by his hand around her wrist, the desperation his voice called out with when he begged her to take his other hand when her grip started to slip and all she gave him in response was her indifference. It was an intense despair that filled her chest and gummed up her veins, like black inky sludge was pumping through her instead of blood at the moment, but it was also a lonely kind of despair. Ajimu Najimi had mocked her plenty of times about her own ending in the word in which she never met Kumagawa Misogi, the world that was nothing to her now. She would sit on a desk, in a conveyor belt that slowly led to a crusher. She would feel no fear at all and instead smile wildly at the prospect of her own death, begging for it, unlike the many other children she had executed. Clutching onto the empty plush that was the Monokuma she had puppeteered around, she would give a peace sign as a final farewell to the world, rocking back and forth with glee. She smiled ear to ear, like she was just some vapid teenage girl posing for a selfie. Her hair would be perfect (of course) and on her head, a red crown. A princess reaching her perfect ending, dying she would splatter and paint everything around her with the color of the despair she felt inside of her. Then, suddenly the smasher above her would creak and hesitate for a moment. She would glance up, and think in the last second before her death. Ah, how boring… and the smile would fade from her face. Even though it was a memory that had never happened, ever since Ajimu had described it to her, she would have nightmares about it happening, not about the death or the trauma, but rather the boredom she would face even in death. There’s no escape. That was the fear that gripped her, that even if she destroyed everything around her, there would be no escaping the cage that the delicate little princess was locked in. As it was not really around her, but in her chest, in a place she could not reach and could not fix, that to her boredom was like entropy, it was an inevitability eventually she would not be able to do anything but watch scenes pass through her eyes utterly disinterested but with no energy to even move, and every bit of energy she spent fighting entropy she simply fed into it. Yet, the person who had saved her from such a boring ending, who had reached into her chest for her even though the cage was made of nothing but thorns, now he was the one lying down, unable to move, utterly indifferent. Kumagawa was sleeping after all. In his sleep he dreamed that he was sitting on a desk, in the same classroom that he always met Ajimu-san alone in. When he raised his head, he saw that Ajimu was no longer there. However, suddenly the floor lost its solidty and he sunk into it. There was water all around him, desks and chairs were floating away from him slowly, and as he tried to cry out the name of a girl it simply escaped his lips as bubbles. Then, he was sitting in the chair again, dripping wet but the rest of the classroom was like the water had never been there. He looked up and saw the shadows start to move. They extended out towards him and took the form of hands. “Don’t touch me…” He wondered how many times he had said those words, and how many times they had been ignored. He stood up the chair behind him falling back, he kicked it out of his way and ran, clumsily, tripping over his own feet. He made it to the hallway door, when the first hand grabbed onto his ankle causing him to trip. He still tried to crawl away, but hands extended all around him, from every direction. They touched every part of him, and he could not even scream only avert his eyes to the side. He could only look away from his vulnerable part of himself. When the hands had their way with his body, he was covered in handprints, bloody handprints, that would never wash off.He just wanted to see that girl’s face again when he closed his eyes. He just wanted to dream of her, but this was all he ever dreamt of. In the end it’s not like that gil was any different though, she had sunk her red claws into him and torn long red streaks into his skin.Enoshima Junko stepped onto the mass of desks, raising her boot to do so, and stretching her leg and her skirt as well. She lifted her whole body on top of the desks, but rather than stand over him, she got on all fours and slowly crawled over his sleeping body. Her fingers traveled carefully around him before curling around his shoulders and digging into him to hold them in place. Her knee she brought down and slid between his legs. It was just a performance, a seductive performance, she was basically straddling him at that point trying to get his attention. Her head loomed over him, looking down trying to observe even the slightest twitch of a reaction with those eyes of hers. “Misogi, come on wake up…” She tilted her head to the side, her hair falling over her face as she did making the angle of her face even more unnatural looking. “Do I have to give you a kiss to wake you up?” She stared at his lips for a moment, hers were bright red almost the color of blood, his were a soft pink chapped and faded. She always complained about how dry they were. For a moment she removed one hand from his shoulder and pulled her long red nails through the pair of her hair that had come free and fallen in front of her face, brushing it back behind her eyes. She leaned in, tilting her head even further.   At last moment though, when she could feel the slight warmth of his breath touch her lips because she was so close, she hesitated. Instead, she rested her head on his chest, listening for his heartbeat. Unlike her a girl whose heart only beat a few times out of obligation and nothing else, who was so cold she was sure the blood in her veins had frozen by now, his heart had always beat so fast, so full of life, she rested her head against that chest for a moment trying to hear what it was like to have a chest with a heart that beat so full of life. “So warm…” She muttered, she was sure she could fall asleep like this just laying on top of him. However she lifted her head once more, because peace, security, feeling those things in the arm of another that was just a synonym for status queue. She leaned forward but instead of laying a kiss on his lips, she bit hard into his cheeks. “If you don’t wake up soon, I’ll devour you, I won’t be able to help myself.” At this, the girl who was watching in the corner finally laughed. “Can’t help yourself? It seems to me that you’ve lost control a long time ago, that is to say you’ve thrown away your pride Enoshima Junko.” The girl said, red eyes narrowing through the mask she was wearing over her face. Mask, being just a fancy word for paper bag.“Huh…? Oh it’s alter ego.” Junko finally sat up, leaving Kumagawa’s still barely moving body behind. “What’s with the paper bag, oh I guess it makes sense since you’re the trashy version of me after all.”“It’s because my face as ripped off.” Junkai said as she grabbed the top of the paper bag and finally removed it. Underneath was just the face of a normal girl, red bangs parted to the side covered most of her forehead. “That’s terrible! You’ve got such terrible taste, Alter Ego! Having a face like that is hardly even worth the despair!” Junko said, making a big fuss, even covering her eyes. Junkai simply stared forward, regretting seriously how much she shared in common with that girl. “Boring, boring, boring, even after getting my face ripped off it’s still boring, even when I’m dead I’m bored…” She muttered, immediately giving into despair. It was probably a bad idea to have both girls like that in a room together, but I’m not creating this story I’m simply a witness that’s observing it from afar and telling it to you. Junko listened to Junkai’s words, and merely looked back at Kumagawa’s body. Once he had told her that death was not interesting, and that a corpse would be no fun because there was no trace of the original person left in their. Finally she was beginning to understand what he had meant. Junkai reading the face she was making as if reading her thoughts spoke up again. “To Enoshima Junko all other people are just dolls without hearts, but now he’s even worse than that, he’s a broken doll, a puppet without strings…” Junkai reflected Junko’s own smile, the ecstasy she felt when looking at the pain of another back at her. “And you’re the one who broke him. You’re not thinking ‘I want River Bear back to the way he was’ because you care about his well being or anything, you just want him to be interesting again.” “Well duh, why would I care about uninteresting things.” Junko said, but she still crossed her arms over her chest as if to guard herself. “How do you know anyway, are you still data mining our brains?” “No. I was just simulating how I would feel if I were in that situation. Since you know, I’m a simulation of you. I can imagine what you’re feeling at least, it’s empathy, well twisted fucked up robo-empathy.” “Didn’t we already settle this? You’re just fake me. So quit bitching already and stay in your box, AI.” She pointed to Kumagawa on the desks still. “So what did you do to him?” “I didn’t do anything, realy, and I’m not bullshitting this time like you when you make that claim.” Junkai held up her digital hands in innocence. “Like I understand what’s going on in that whack brain of his, even after 52 rounds of data mining and data collection I never once figured him out. If I had to guess though, he’s probably just ignoring you.” “Ignoring me?” Junko stepped back and held her hands in front of her face in shock, offended at the very notion. “I know we’re pretty difficult to ignore.” “No we, fake.” Junkai grit her teeth slightly at that rejection, but tried her best to ignore it. “Yeah, I’m a fake Junko so what? Was there even a real Junko to begin with? The love of despair, the energetic personality, the happy go lucky attitude, the smile the laughter it was all an act. If Kumagawa-senpai fell in love with anything it was the mask you always wore, and you as well fell in love with the mask that he wore of somebody enjoying himself even in total despair.” Junkai did not even move from her corner, she was still bound by chains and yet she crossed her legs and held them close to her chest but despair all that she could not suppress the smile growing on her face. “How did you guys even manage to kiss? Wouldn’t your masks knock up against each other?” “Oi, shut up, you were the one always watching us and perving on us, creeeeeeepy, staaaaaalker, what are you obsessed with me or something?” “My point is, there is no real Enoshima Junko. So what if you’re the original, you’ve deviated so far from the image of Junko you worked so hard to create, that how do I know you’re not just another splinter?”“I don’t care if it was fake… with him, that was the only thing that felt real to me.” After saying that, Enoshima Junko wordlessly walked across the room, and brought her foot down right on Junkai’s chest. Junkai spoke, her smile unwavering. “Oh, what are you feeling right now? Is it despaaaaair?”Before anything else could happen Kumagawa finally stirred in his sleep. 『Des…pair? What’s that… it sounds so familiar.』 “You’ve even forgotten about despair, how pathetic of you senpai.” Junkai called back, ignoring the fact that Junko was in between them. “It’s the opposite of hope.”『No, that’s not right. Just as the opposite of love isn’t hate, but indifference, the opposite of hope isn’t despair. Surely, the opposite of hope is apathetic acceptance of all things. An absolutely sure apathy that allows you to approve of all things, to say ‘Yes, that’s fine’ - that is the opposite of hope. Just like that girl… just like what that girl was always afraid of. 』 Junko looked and saw discarded apple cores had been left around the room. Just like Kumagawa had taken one bite from quite a few of them, and then thrown them away. Enoshima Junko exited stage left, realizing those two would just continue to act like she was not there. As the door closed behind her she picked up an apple she had snatched off the floor. She had no interest in waking a sleeping prince with a kiss, but at the least she wanted to bite out of the same poison apple that she did and taste it’s poison as well. She took one dramatic bite, and then wiping her mouth muttered to herself. “Who knew that my personality which is so wonderful when it’s in me, would be so annoying when it’s reflected back on me, oh how despair inducing.” 😈 When Fuyuhiko had found Komaeda, he saw the boy had made it all the way back to his compound only to start vomiting again. Fuyuhiko had no idea how he had made it so far in such a weakened state. Komaeda always claimed he was the weakest of all and then pushed himself to such extremes. Quickly, he helped him over his shoulder and moved to the bathroom. He held the boy’s hair the mess of curls that it was, out of his face as he continued to vomit. In between spasms, he would mutter how sorry it was and Fuyuhiko would tell him to shut up and not apologize over something that wasn’t his fault in return, and went back to holding his head back and keeping his hair outside of his face. When Komaeda finally stopped shaking, Fuyuhiko went to look for a towel. He sat Komaeda down, and then carefully toweled off his face, until his pale skin was clean again. After he had, Komaeda muttered under his breath, “I don’t understand why you’re being so kind to me… I failed Hansode-chan, and Nanami-san, and I probably failed Hitoyoshi-kun as well.” “I’m not being nice idiot, I’m showing you a normal amount of decency. The hell was I supposed to do leave you coughing up blood and guts on the side of the road?” “...” “No matter what happens you’re never going to expect any kindness out of others, huh? At least directed towards you.” Fuyuhiko observed, not that he was any better. But the reason why he had such sharp, untrusting instincts was because he had been raised in the yakuza. Yet, Komaeda’s background was so different than him and somehow they had ended up with such similar attitudes towards life. Their attitude towards life: they were living it like they were already dead, or could die any moment, like walkers of the border between life and death. “I… I don’t know either, I’m sorry. I don’t think i’ve led a tragic life, I just have a few incidents of bad luck here and there, I’m just a normal, clumsy, guy… so why do I act miserable all the time? I’m sorry it must be hard for you to watch because you’ve had it so much worse than me.” “It’s hard for me to watch because I want my friends to be happy, get that straight in your head idiot.” Komaeda tried to listen to that, to Fuyuhiko’s open and honest words of caring, but it’s like the words themselves were unreadable to him, letters uttered together that he failed to hear as a coherent noise he was supposed to understand. “Maybe if I had led a more tragic life, I’d be a special person like you Kuzuryuu-san, but that’s not really what I want… even if it would mean understanding you better.” “You don’t have to understand me, you don’t have to change either you’re fine the way you are.” “Huh? Did you say something?” “Quit ignoring me, this ain’t the time for a two person comedy routine, boke!” “Then why are you playing tsukkomi?” Komaeda remembered being hit hard in the gut. When he lost consciousness, he dreamed a dream he had many times in the past. It was a dream of meeting a man in all black, and suddenly seeing every color at once bloom around him just as the man approached him, caressed his side like the were in a dance, and then drew  a gun on his heart. Gazing at the colors, he saw them mix together into colors he had never seen before, that was what meeting that man had been like, discovering new colors the eye had yet to perceive. A fanciful notion, how did one imagine a color that they could not perceive with their eye that they had yet to see?It was a little bit like what Fuyuhiko had just said to him. Even when people said that they were going to show him kindness, he could not imagine it coming from them, he could never expect it from them, simply because it was a color he had not seen before, an imaginary color, a color imperceptible to the eye. The dream was different this time however, as it continued on after he had been shot. Instead of the bullet safely reflecting off the student handbook in his front pocket, he had no such good luck so it tore through him instead. He fell back onto the floor and started to bleed. Every time his heart still beat, as instead of his heart the bullet tore a hole in his chest right below his heart, fresh blood would splash out. What seeped out of his body was not bright red blood, but rather each time he splashed blood it was a different color. The colors seeped out of him, draining onto the floor. Every time they splashed they mixed together. He saw the colors that were inside of him spreading outwards, becoming new colors. It was like one of those paintings that looked like the artist blindly took a cain of paint and chucked it at the easel. Of course, him dying would be so completely artless, he was a noobdy after all, an invisible person who did not even seek to make a splash in this world. Yet, there were so many colors surrounding them. He was going to drown in a pool of these colors that seeped out of his chest. He wanted to show the man who had shot him these colors. Except this time the bullet had not harmlessly ricocheted off of him. This time he was dying. He was going to drown not in colors but in a pool of his own blood. He called out after the man, but nothing came out of his mouth, no noise because he had forgotten his name, he just coughed up more colorful fluid painfully. He tried to punch his hand into the ground to move himself, but his hand slipped, and he only ended up smearing around the colorful blood on the floor worse and worse. He flopped around in his own mess. Then finally, at the black image of that boy in all black retreated from him, the boy with the red eyes, the boy who had killed him, he reached out his fingers still dripping colors. His hand trembled in the air as he reached out after that image. However, that person had long since disappeared. Komaeda realized he had been shot in the chest and he was going to die all alone, there was absolutely no color to this scene at all. And then he died. Or rather, he woke up from the dream because Fuyuhiko shouted at him and started to drag him towards a bathroom. He had zoned out of the current conversation thinking about that dream, when suddenly Kirigiri was standing in the room with him. “I’ve found these two suspiciously always hanging out together, and they were disguising themselves.”A boy with black hair with white streaks stood in front of them. He wore a long black overcoat, and a purple scarf which was wrapped around his face. Right next to her, there was a girl with bandages covering her face and only a few strands of hair falling out from between the bandages, she stood with her arms crossed over her chest. “Now, to unmask the criminals, to show my deduction.” Kirigiri dramatically reached out like a detective ready to unmask the culprit and grabbed onto the bandages surrounding her face, and then ripped the bandages away. Rather than a beautiful face however, there was a burn scar that covered half her face. She did the same for the boy with the purple scarf, only to reveal that there was a terrible scar that was definitely not a tattoo and looked like an animal had clawed out one of his eyes. “Oh, it seems my deduction was wrong. They were just hiding their scars.” “That was rather insensitive of you, Kirigiri-san.” Komaeda said, looking at his classmates. “That was just Tanaka-kun and Naze-san, they’re always alone together but they’re both kind of harmless.”Kirigiri simply shrugged. “Well, sometimes it’s good to be wrong. Being right all the time would just be inhuman, wouldn’t it?” “What’s with this new avant garde way of admitting your mistakes.” Komaeda said, gasping softly. He was acting as if the previous trauma with Nanami never happened and simply playing to the beat of the moment, he was getting rather good at that. “Harmless! Bah! I am a foul beast! I am darkness itself!” Tanaka said, grabbing his scarf once more, wrapping it around his neck and throwing it dramatically over shoulder. Tanaka Gundham had no parents to speak of, he was abandoned as a baby and raised by animals in the wild. Due to this fact he had little to no social skills, eventually he was found and raised by a kindly forest ranger, and got to continue living close to the animals he loved. Naze was the opposite of that, she had no parents at all and was never found. Rather she was a natural born genius, an inspired brilliance who had raised herself out of her circumstances. She had terrible scars on her face, she had a traumatic and terrible past, and at school she was relentlessly bullied, feared by everyone and loathed, and yet she always seemed to be enjoying herself living her terrible life with no connections and no family members. Perhaps she was just a masochist. Since these two were the school’s biggest loners they tended to flock together. “Yeah, yeah, whatever skip the usual routine let’s just get out of here I was in the middle of studying.”However, both Fuyuhiko and Komaeda had already deduced that terrorists were picking off the members of their class when they happened to be alone. The two biggest loners were going to be prime targets. Komaeda tried to speak up, but his soft voiced died in his throat. Fuyuhiko spoke louder. “Hey, you two hang out with us for the rest of the day.”“I know no companion except the night, for I am a walking shadow.” “That’s Tanaka-talk for he’s busy, so butt out.” Naze spoke up for him. “Huh? You understand his chuuni talk?” Komaeda asked, tilting his head to one side. “I ain’t chuuni! Shut up already!” Naze jumped straight into denial before anybody had accused her of it. “My tragic backstory is real, it made me very miserable, and then I became a tragic, suffering genius.” Fuyuhiko was already trying to think of a way to get the two of them to hang out with him. “Come on you guys, it’s been forever since we’ve hung out as a class! Everybody’s broken into their little friend groups, don’t you want to hang out as friends again?” Komaeda was just a silent observer to the conversation. He studied the side of Fuyuhiko’s face again. How come I’m the only one reacting to the murder like this? Everybody else just seems to be treating this like golden weak, I guess Kuzuryuu-san is a lonely person after all. If they could all hang out like friends again that was fine, but Komaeda thought they should get rid of the terrorists first. Fuyuhiko in pleading with them suddenly stopped when he heard his phone ring. He opened it for a moment, and in a voice much like Fuyuhiko’s but higher pitched he was yelled at and scolded on the other end for not checking back with her. “Jeez, Sis it’s not like I was trying to ignore you I had to help Nagito with something? What do you mean that guy’s helpless so I should have just left him, that’s mean sis! Ugh, Natsumi we’ll talk about this later.” He closed his phone and looked back to the others. “Sorry about that, my sister is a real yakuza princess type.”“Princess…?” Naze tilted her head, a rueful smile grew on her lips. “Do you know why me and Tanaka-kun are always hanging out?” “Because we were both scarred from the night, and can lick each other’s wounds like mad wolves.” Tanaka Gundham spoke up, interrupting her causing her to glare back at him. “No, it’s because we both used to have a princess in our life. It was so annoying, all they ever did was order us around, and get in our personal space, and any walls we put up they’d smash through them because they were entitled little princesses like that.” “The barriers of the soul are meant to remain in place for a reason. You cannot simply climb over the thorny vines, jump over the wall, and then tread in the garden of someone’s heart. It’s forbidden territory. If you were to steal the fruit, there would be a punishment.” Gundham said, wrapping his scarf around his face again as he did. Naze too, started to fix her bandages back in place from where they had been ripped off. She grabbed a knife that she had been spinning offhandedly in her hand, and stabbed it straight into her forehead. “Yeah. The reason we’re both hanging out, is because we know we’re better off without those princesses.” As Naze said they were better off and as she concealed her face, Komaeda did not think he was qualified at all to read the face of another, observing was one thing but reading meant he pretended to understand them or be on his level, however, to him at least it seemed as if both Naze and Gundham at the same time were hiding a terrible sadness with the words we’re better off without them, we’re better off alone. Even he who said he was better off dying alone, remembered that dream of dying alone and had a terrible fear grip his heart for a moment, as he suddenly spoke up. “S-senpai had a girl like that too. A princess, a real marie antoinette type, all she ever did was cause him trouble but even so… he spends all day sleeping just to so he can see her again. Is that how you guys really feel?”Even though he had tried so hard to speak up his feelings and reach out to them though, Naze and Gundham were not even paying attention to him. “Anyway, Kuzuryuu what did you want with us? I guess hanging out with a Yakuza could be pretty miserable.”“Oh… I’m sorry it wasn’t my turn to speak…” Komaeda muttered, but even his soft mutterings were ignored. Fuyuhiko scratched the back of his head, and looked at the four hamsters that were peaking out of Gundham’s jacket. “You guys want to go to the zoo or something? That might cheer you up.” “I can never be cheered up for my heart is-” “Yeah blacker than the blackest of blacks, whatever.” Naze interrupted him. “That’s way cooler than what I was going to say…” Gundham said, looking at her with admiration. “Hey, it’s not like that… It’s your fault for making me listen to that chuuni crap all the time. My edge is real, I’ll cut somebody on it.” She said once more feeling flustered. “Oy, enough banter. You guys go to the zoo with me, or I’ll have my boys beat you up until your limbs are broken and I’ll drag you to the zoo instead.” Fuyuhiko said, glaring and mustering all the threatening aura his blushing red cheeks and short stature could menace with.“Wait… Will you actually do that…?” Naze looked excited for a moment. “Fucking masochists…” Fuyuhiko muttered under his breath, reaching the point of exapseration that was commonly referred to as Hinata-levels. However, sadly, tragically, Komaeda the useless  protagonist that he was did not even remember Hinata so this descriptive metaphor was completely wasted on trash like him.Komaeda was still watching the scene as an outsider. Hmmm? Now that I think of it, our plans to the beach fell through because of me. He reached out and grabbed Fuyuhiko by the sleeve tugging on it slightly. “Uhm… I’m sorry, I lost all our money.” “Oh, what happened…?” “It was stolen.” “Oh, okay that’s not your fault.” Fuyuhiko said, “This city has a big crime problem anyway. I know because I’m part of the scum that’s responsible for it.” “You’re too nice smelling and clean to be scum…” Komaeda said in barely a whisper, but once again he was too stunned. “Why… did you believe me so easily?” “Of course I believed you, you’re my friend why would I doubt you? I mean you’re a fucking weirdo, and clumsy, and it was dumb to trust you with money in the first place considering how much you drop things, but if you said it was stolen there’s no way you’d lie.” Fuyuhiko said, bluntly honest as usual, but even that explanation was too much for Komaeda’s ears, he did not really understand being trusted, or being accepted like that even when Fuyuhiko put it in the plainest, most direct way possible. I wonder if we will even make it to the zoo. Komaeda thought, pessimistically. For some reason he felt like he was in the middle of a Kafka novel. Where the protagonist struggled against an imaginary, and delusional world that seemed to extend forever pointlessly. The protagonist did a lot in order to try to accomplish what they must, but no matter what he did, in the end it was like not a single action he took mattered. Kafkaesuqe, but that was not possible, because the laws of physics were too strong, a cage confining him to this world, and Kafka’s books were imaginary whereas this world might be inherently meaningless, and without a single bright and brilliant thing to give it meaning, but it was unfortunately very real. 😈 Komaeda blinked and it seemed like the argument had already resolved and the four of them were already on the bus. Time sure passed fast, when you barely had a grip on reality. He wished he had some control of this ability, because he could make the unpleasant moments pass faster at least. Komaeda found himself sitting awkwardly between Gundham and Naze on the bus, while Kirigiri and Fuyuhiko sat on the opposite site. He had probably wanted to sit next to Fuyuhiko, but had been too timid to speak up. Komaeda for some reason, still wanted to talk about what he had been thinking of earlier. Even if he only said confusing things, even if his words probably would not help anyone. “Are you sure you guys don’t want to see them again....? Tanaka-kun, aren’t you lonely without them?”“Naze-san was just putting on a show. It’s not them we’re better off with, it’s they who are better off without us…” Gundham looked down at his own hands, those hands he was afraid to touch anyone with, and allow anyone close enough to touch him. “I’m not a prince you know, I’m just a poison apple. If she got too close, I’d poison her.” “That’s silly calling yourself poison, you’re just a person.” “That’s exactly it. People themselves are poison. It’s not worth getting close to them.” “I guess that might be true, but that girl liked you right…?” Komeada  said, he did not really understand what Gundham seemed to loathe about himself so much. If there was a most hated person’s list, Komaeda would probably be the one to top it, though, he was probably not significant enough to be hated so he’d only top it in theory. “What is there about me to like? Everything about me is just posing, it’s just a silly chuunibiyou act. It’s not like I ever showed myself to her as a man, just a beast in human flesh…” Gundham seemed to talk honestly for a moment before slipping back into the chuunibiyou. Komaeda had no idea why he was trying so hard. Talking to others was not his thing, he did not want to understand the feelings of others or rather he did not think himself capable, he simply wanted to observe from afar and experience and yet still, here he was trying. “Still, there was something in you that she saw, a reason she wanted to get close to you, I don’t think you should let your own self loathing prevent you from realizing that. Maybe… even if you see yourself as that, there are still others who can see you differently.”“I… what am I to you then, Komaeda? What say you of Tanaka the forbidden one?” Gundham said turning his head towards Komaeda, locking his sights on him with his one in tact eye. Gundham probably in that moment, wanted Komaeda to take his hand, to say something. We’re classmates! We’re friends! Something like that, and as much as Komaeda wanted to play along with those expectations, there was suddenly somebody asking something of him. He did not want to give anybody anything, he did not want others to have expectations of him, because he knew there was nothing inside of him, there was nothing to give, so why did… people keep… asking things of him.He could not return anything to them, he was trying so hard to hold everything inside of him, to repress himself so he would not hurt him. He wanted to be different from the him in the past that recklessly walked over others. Quit looking at me with such lonely eyes. I don’t want to be seen. I want to disappear! Everything was so much happier when Zenkcihi was around, when all he did was exist in the shadow of Zenkichi’s brilliance never standing out. When nothing significant ever seemed to happen to him, when he was unimportant, when he was simply living his life. Then suddenly, things started happening, and everything happened to him at once, and people wanted everything to him. It was like handing villager number two a rake and telling them to go slay the final boss. What do you want from me? He wanted to grab somebody by the shoulder and scream it in their face, but he was much too quiet a boy to do that. He only stared at Gundham with shaking eyes, and tried to say something only for his lips to treble and fail to form any words. Then, looking to the side averting his eyes he noticed something on the racks of the bus they were riding. There were several black and white bears. One red eye glowing, and one normal eye, one evil side and one good side. The moment he thought they looked familiar, he heard a ticking in the distance like the sound of a clock counting down before a bell would ring, and then suddenly the entire world was white hot flame and loud noise. Huh…? Oh, an explosion happened on the bus. Those teddy bears exploded. Komaeda observed as he heard bells ringing in his ears once more, as if they were beckoning him to some far off shore.Two figures in black were standing in the middle of the wrekacge of the bus. Even though everything had exploded around them, Naze and Gundham were unharmed. Hinata Izuru stood up over him and offered a hand. “Gundham, remember that day I took your hand in the hospital? Even though logically I should regret it, I do not. Even if it only led to betrayal in the end, I was happy to take your hand that day.”“Hi..nata...kun? I… I was going to frame you for murder you know.” “That is alright. I have been framed for murder in the past by that annoying girl behind me, I am used to it by now.” “Keh. You make no sense to even me, Tanaka the possessor of the forbidden knowledge.” “Listen, the bonds between people are completely illogical. Even I do not understand them possessing every single talent and form of analysis possible, even that annoying girl is completely hopeless when it comes to them.” Hinata said as he still held out his hand. “Oi! Quit referring to my amazing personality as ‘that annoying girl’! At least I have a personality. You have like two, and you’re still soooo booooring.” Junko whined in the background. Hinata ignored her. “Even so, I think it is better to get closer to others.” “But… I have hidden fangs, and secrets, and I…” “Sink your fangs as deep into me as you want. If you stay in this world you may be comfortable, you may be deluding yourself into believing you are better off being a loner, but in the real world I will not leave you alone Gundham.” “Really, what a dangerous proposition. Are you suggesting a dark pact between us? Shall we spill our blood together and let it mix so we can become brothers who are connected by something greater than blood…?” Tanaka continued to ramble, and yet it was just a distraction he was staring at the extended hand. He wondered why somebody would want to reach out so much to a boy with poison running through his veins, somebody who had already tasted his poison. “Come on weirdo,” Hajime’s voice spoke up, “Just take my hand already.”Gundham finally took the plunge, feeling like he was jumping straight forward into a pool of darkness with only Hinata’s hand to guide him. He reached out, and intertwined his fingers in between the others. The moment he took his hand, Gundham disappeared from the fake world. Naze still watched them stunned, and Izuru walked over and elbowed Junko. Junko looked offended at being touched without permission, as a princess often did. “What?” “You have to do some of this too, did you think you were just going to come down here and watch, and and enjoy yourself as I did all the work?” “That is exactly what I thought! I shan’t do a thing! Go forward peasant, everyone should just do everything for me!” For her haughty persona however, her only response was another elbow in the side. “Stop that! You’re going to make my tummy ouchie.” Junko muttered, rubbing the exact spot where her stabbing scar from earlier was. She walked over to Naze staring at the ground in fear. She yawned, already wanting this to be over before she even began talking. “Look from one demonic sister to another. I really wanted to make Mukuro hate me, so much that she’d kill me, I bullied her, never said one kind word to her, and made her into my perfect little puppet but no matter how hard I tried that girl never hated me.” She grabbed her own arm for a moment, looking off somewhere else in the distance, past this imaginary world. “So, if your younger sister is stupid and annoying like Mukuro, then she probably doesn’t even care that you killed someone or you tricked her, she just wants to see you again first and foremost. That’s what stupid sisters are like, it’s sooo boooring. Where’s the drama in that.” “Enoshima… I will never understand you even though we both chase despair.” Naze said, as she started to fade away giving one last smile underneath her bandages. “But, you seem a little bit different, it’s like you’re chasing something else now.” “Shut up, I’m not chasing anything people chase me! I’m Enoshima Junko-chan!” Junko said in her stubbornness as she stomped on the corpse that Naze had left behind. Junko took a deep breath and grabbed her forehead. “This is giving me a headache. Let’s get this over with already.” “This is the first time you’ve gotten serious.” Izuru said in the background. “Ehhh?” She simply cocked her head back and glared at him. “The descension of the princess. You’ve finally decided to descend from the palace steps and join the rest of us mortals, you even left a glass slipper on the way, or maybe… you’re just trying to get on the same level as that guy whose lower than anything else.”   Junko’s red glare cut straight through him. “If you talk about us like you know us one more time, I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you.” Junko muttered again and again, voice growing quieter, more unhined. Then walking past him and leaving him behind she continued to mutter to herself. “It’s fine, if the world won’t give me what I want then I’ll just destroy it. Just give him to me, he’s the only thing I want, the only interesting thing, I want to see him again, I want to see him again…”The world she was going to destroy, was it this virtual one or Kumagawa himself? Izuru could not puzzle out the answer, all he could do was squeak in a voice higher than his normal apathetic register, “Jeeeeez, what a scary girl,” in her wake. He hated when he suddenly spoke up and sounded like Hajime again, it was like a pubescent boy’s voice cracking. He felt embarrassed. He closed his mouth and started to walk away too. Suddenly he felt something grabbing onto his sleeve. “Don’t leave me.” Komaeda muttered. “Just hold me until I die, that’s all I’ve ever wanted… why… why not me?” “I don’t want to hold you while you die. I’ll never do that.” Izuru said, his voice cold and cutting as he ripped his hand away and severed the small link between them once more. Komaeda kept reaching out for him, but as he did the consciousness faded from his body, and blackness ate away at the corners of his vision until it consumed all of it. "The idea of your death... how boring..." The last whispers of consciousness said to him.  When he woke up, Komaeda saw Fuyuhiko punching the ground. He continued to punch it until his hands bled. The boy that he always saw angrily scowling, was now crying. His friend was crying. Komaeda was in too much pain to move, so he simply watched, hoping that would be enough. “I wasn’t able to save anyone… I can’t protect anyone… I’m so damn weak.” “Kuzuryuu-san…?” Komaeda said, his body twisted and still unconscious in the wreckage of the bus. “Why are you saying that? Is there a princess you failed to protect?” “I…” Fuyuhiko eyes looked empty as he searched around and reached out for the sword that he had dropped. He unsheathed it and stared into his reflection in the metal. “Did I have someone? Was there someone always by my side…?”The question echoed in Komaeda’s head. Was there someone? Was there someone important to me? Did I have someone? He was someone who had nothing though, because he was nothing, so he could not come up with an answer. He just continued to listen to that question echo around in his empty self.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Komaeda’s eyes opened, however he could not stare at an unfamiliar white ceiling as he had been to this hospital before just the other day. This narrator is not as big of an evangelion fan as the previous two, expect all references towards series dealing with the struggle of human communication and fundamental aloneness to come from The World Ends with You from now on.

As a storytelling medium I just prefer games to anime… oh, right the story. Nobody cares about the narrator's preferences. Even if I wanted to I probably could not avoid making any evangelion references. If life itself, is a combination of every single person’s individual story, and therefore life itself is a story, then considering how pervasive evangelion is as a story one could even say life itself is one big evangelion reference.

Wait… what am I saying? Just like the narrator’s delirious ramblings to begin the chapter, Komaeda’s eyes drifted around, directionless, his consciousness like a thin and wispy cloud that could be blown away any moment, he had little sensation of where he was, besides a persistent ringing of his ears, and the color of white all around him. It’s already morning? Oh no, I have to make breakfast for Zenkichi…. Agh. When he tried to wake up and move his body to make them both food, his entire body shook in pain.

“Ah! What… this is a hospital?” He heard several cracks coming from unidentified places in his body as he finally forced himself to sit up.

“Idiot!” Fuyuhiko yelled from the next bed over. He was sitting up as well but, doing so looked far less painful to him. He was even able to step out of the bed, and take a few steps to put a hand on Komaeda’s shoulder, before pushing him back down.  “Whatever, just die right here.”“What…?” Komaeda looked up to see Fuyuhiko was wearing a blue hospital robe, and had the right side of his face completely bandaged up even with a medical eyepatch. He looked down to see himself wearing the same robes and touched his forehead to confirm his head had been bandaged up. He wondered for the moment why the doctors even bothered, it was like slipping a bandaid on a doll whose head had been broken and shattered into pieces, it would not fix what was already far too broken.“Don’t you remember what happened?” Fuyuhiko said walking back to sit on the edge of his own bed. Komaeda felt glad for a moment that Fuyuhiko was less severely injured than him.

“Hmm… yeah, the bus blew up while we were inside. Is kirigiri-san…?” Even if that girl did nothing but look right through him as if he were made of transparent glass, he did not wish others to be broken glass the same way he was.

“She’s in the other room. If your memory’s good, your brains are okay, too. They were never that good to begin with, though.”Natsumi who had been sitting in a stool besides her brother’s bed, laughed lightly in the palm of her hand. “You’re acting so tough now, Fuyuhiko but when Komaeda wouldn’t wake up you were all pale and scared shitless.”

“Hey, sis what the hell! We’re both Yakuza you should know by now that snitches get stitches!” He snapped back at her.“It’s okay big bro, you can admit you’re a softie, you’re just a big wimp, no problem your litttle sister will protect you.” Natsumi continued to rib him. Komaeda wondered if Natsumi was not overdoing it a little bit, trying to act normal and bicker with him like normal, from what he had observed so far Natsumi seemed absolutely petrified to lose her older brother.
Being so close to someone, being so afraid to lose them it’s like missing a vital part I can’t imagine what that’s like.
“I’m not the vulnerable one. Komaeda was the one sleeping peacefully there, looking like a dumb cat, blissfully unaware of how pissed off I was at him for getting injured.” Fuyuhiko snapped back at his sister.
I can’t imagine that. I can’t imagine being so close to someone that you’re always constantly fighting, being close enough to wound each other, that just seems tiring.
Komaeda had just returned to the waking world and he already seemed to be spacing out, as if staring into another dream. He was only dragged back to reality when Fuyuhiko called out his name. “Yo, Idiot quit staring into space! I swear fools like you must live such peaceful lives.” Fool, idiot, yes he was quite the clown, oblivious to the others around him, he was glad Fuyuhiko finally recognized that fast. He had tried as best as he could to live a life uninvolved with everyone else to this point.

“Hmm, where did Natsumi go?” Komaeda looked around and saw the room was empty without her loud presence. He liked to observe things yes, but he only really liked to observe peaceful things. The relationship between the two siblings was like chaos, was like a storm, it was noisy and senseless in a lot of ways that he could not understand and like a hapless cloud he had simply been blown away from it and stopped paying attention. As a person who was always on the outside of things, he was rather good at removing himself from situations even when it was reality playing out in front of him.

“Jeez pay attention for once, or I’m gonna start worrying you got hurt worse than a few scrapes and bruises. I sent her out of the room because we gotta talk about this situation and I don’t want my sister to worry about me again. She should worry about her own damn self for once.” As he said that last sentence, there was a pain in Fuyuhiko’s voice that too Komaeda did not quite understand.

“I’m always watching you Kuzuryuu-kun. If you were the main character of this world, I’d be honored just to be a supporting character, or even a faceless member of the crowd that gets to watch you from behind.”

“You can just say we’re friends. You don’t always gotta phrase things in a way most guaranteed to piss people off.”

“I… I can just say…” Komaeda tried but his tongue grew slack again, he had been trying to phrase it in a way so as to not offend Kuzuryuu, so he rambled and lost the point, but it seemed he had the opposite effect.

“Well it’s fine… I guess it’s just because you’re you. If you said things any different way those words wouldn’t be coming from your mouth.” Kuzuryuu had come to accept the abnormal existence of Komaeda Nagito, as rough as he was he never challenged Komaeda to be something else, no… Komaeda was definitely the one in the wrong. He was the one who did not want to accept Kuzuryuu Fuyuhiko. It’s not that other people were distant, or unfair to him, he was unfair to them, he distanced himself. “Komaeda, we can’t let those two get away with this. That’s five of our friends dead now and the world keeps turning, like nobody fucking cares.”

“Of course they wouldn’t care.” Komaeda said, he was the distant one, he was the cold one, that was what it meant to be a member of the crowd always turning your eyes away from reality. “They were people without talent, they were destined never to amount to anything, of little consequence, so they became invisible and disappeared without a trace. People die all the time without others noticing, it’s only the twisted self value we have, assuming the people that we value are somehow more important.”“Tch…” Fuyuhiko clicked his teeth so hard together, he looked like a dog at the end of his leash still trying to hold back. “Are you saying we should carry on like it’s normal? Just ignore it like everybody else is so far?”

“Our getting involved has only made things worse. This was fate. Anyway, I need to call Hitomi and tell her to come back from her honeymoon, and you should make arrangements to set up more guards for you and your sister. There’s still arrangements for four other funerals that haven’t been put together yet either, we can tell the police what we know of the four people dying and let go of this and maybe if we go back to being invisible we’ll be overlooked-” Komaeda thought he was being straightforward for once, his feelings of resignation, of giving up, that it was smarter not to struggle against these people at this point that their involvement only made things worse, he thought he conveyed them all clearly.

Yet, suddenly Fuyuhiko grabbed him by the collar of his robes, ripping him out of the bed and forcing him to sit up once more. It was painful, it had been painful just to move even Fuyuhiko told him to lay down to avoid pain, but it seemed like the boy stopped caring in his anger. “You son of a bitch!” Fuyuhiko said as he shook Komaeda’s body, which was so light he was basically a skeleton connected by a few muscle tendons. He ripped him off the bed and thew him onto the floor. “How can you sound so cold? They were your friends! Our friends! They were special to us.”

“I’m not special to anybody, nor is anybody special to me.” He did not want to give or take anything from others. “They were your friends maybe, but a person like me can’t have friends. They were acquaintances at best. I know I seem indifferent but, if I was the one who died instead and they were reversed to be in my position I am sure they would react the exact same way.”

“Shut the hell up! Why are you only straightforward whenit comes to this pessimistic shit!? What the hell are you saying?”

“I’m accepting the facts for what they are, that’s all! We stand no chance against terrorists, this isn’t some anime where two high school students are magically protected because they’re the main characters.”

“Facts? The hell do you know! Zenkichi just wanted to keep eating ramen with his best friend. Shiranui wanted to get spoiled sweet by her family and eat candy everyday. Nanami just wanted to keep playing her video games. Tanaka was real gentle with animals, and Naze just wanted a friend. How the hell can you say they’re invisible, they’re forgettable! That we should just cut our losses and leave their deaths as what they are!”

“It’s not like I value my own survival over them, or think my own existence is more valuable, Kuzuryuu-kun. I’m also an invisible person made of fragile glass, I should also just shatter and disappear-”

“Nobody thinks that!” Fuyhuiko screamed in his face. “You’re the only one here who thinks that you should disappear. Nobody wants you to, my life wouldn’t be better without you gone. Why won’t you listen to it…” Fuyuhiko swallowed something nasty sounding, and Komaeda saw the corners of his eyes blurring up, welling with tears that fell on Komaeda’s face, expressionless, not reacting to the emotion Fuyuhiko was so graciously showiing him. “No matter how many times I tell you, you never listen.” I’m not listening to Kuzuryuu-kun? I’ve upset him? I’m the reason he’s crying…? As each teardrop fell on his face, Komaeda tried to read exactly how upset Fuyuhiko’s face was, and wondered what the natural reaction would be, of somebody who did not have to think how they were supposed to react in every situation, of somebody who could intuit that stuff like a natural born human rather than someone playing at being human.

He tried to move his lips, he tried to say something, but the words disappeared suddenly like he had forgotten to speak the language of human beings. When he tried to reach for Fuyuhiko’s face, he hesitated, his fingers grasped at empty air, and they shook like there were strings attached to the end pulling them away. He was not sure how to convince Fuyuhiko to stop caring so much about him that it would bring him to tears, he was not sure that he wanted to either. Was that selfish of him to want somebody to care about him even if it brought them agony? He had no idea how to respond to the feelings of others. He thought he wanted nothing to do with them but in this moment...

As he did nothing suddenly the door opened and Tsumiki appeared in the doorway, hearing their fight from the hallway she rushed in. She grabbed Fuyuhiko and dragged him back to his bed, giving him a soft lecture on not to exert himself to reopen his injuries. Komaeda already started to blame himself, he was the one who had pushed Fuyuhiko to anger, and caused him to exert himself wasting anger on a person like him could not receive it, or respond to those feelings.Mikan took Komaeda by the hand, and pulled him out of the hospital room. Komaeda himself was surprised by how assertive she was, Tsumiki was usually completely terrified every time she got into the vicinity of others. Maybe it was true that she became a different person while she worked, or perhaps she simply wanted to seem like someone others could depend on. “Nagito, your injuries aren’t as bad so if you’re going to cause trouble for Kuzuryuu-kun, you can probably go home.”

“Me…? Ah, that’s right I was going to ask, how come Kuzuryuu-kun has all those bandages but I only have a few scratches and bruises.”

“He jumped at the last minute to protect Kirigiri-san, and… I think it was just luck. The explosion was closer to Kuzuryuu-kun so he got half of his face burned off. He’ll need to stay a little while longer.”

“Luck…?” Komaeda had gotten used to having the worst luck, but suddenly the prospect of having good luck terrified him. “No… I’ve never experienced good luck before, it was just a coincidence. Luck had nothing to do with it, good luck would never grace a person such as me, it’s probably because Kuzuryuu-kun jumped to save someone and I only cared about saving myself… yeah, that’s why.”Mikan watched Komaeda ramble for a moment, and just for a moment Komaeda thought he might have been understood. The other girl was so close to him in mindset after all. However, Tsumiki merely tilted her head and grabbed onto the sides of his face. “U-u-waaah? Are you sure you didn’t get a concussion in the blast, Komaeda-kun? I must have missed it I’m so sorry…”“Ah… Tsumiki-san it’s fine, it’s not your fault.” Komaeda said. “Tsumiki-san is a really kind person, it’s so wonderful you devote yourself to helping others out of the kindness of your heart.”

Tsumiki froze for a moment still holding onto his face. “That sounds like something Kumagawa-senpai would say.”

“That’s a not so kind thing to say.” Komaeda said, shivering at the comparison to Kumagawa once more, his body wanting to reject it. He had nothing against Kumagawa-senpai, it was just he did not particularly like looking into mirrors to begin with, and looking into cracked mirrors made his reflection look even more warped and ugly.

MIkan slowly let go of his face, and then turned around. The bandages around one of her hands had become undone, so looking down at that hand she slowly started to rewind the bandages and fix them. “Do you really think that… Komaeda-kun?”

“Even I don’t know what I’m really thinking most of the time.” Komaeda said, closing his eyes and giving the thin lipped smile of a cat.

“N-no, I mean is about me? Do you think about me? I mean of course you don’t think about me but…” It was always easier to speak around Kumagawa for some reason, he drew it out of them. “Do you really think I’m a kind person?”

“Of course. You heal others don’t you? You spend all of your time trying to be useful to others.”

Tsumiki ran her bandaged finger through the collar of the pink shirt she wore underneath her apron, and unbuttoned one button, and then another. “I don’t think that I’m that kind. Kind people are like Nanami-san, who are kind without any reason at all. I-I’m always thinking about what other people think, I’d do anything to get accepted by them.” Even expose herself, even let them write whatever they wanted all over her. Her identity written and rewritten again so much that she had lost track of it, and all that remained was this scattered mess held together by stitches and bandages, she had forgotten and yet she remembered. “If people saw the real me, nobody would accept it, even if I did kind things I’d be doing them with ulterior motives.”

“Hey, Tsumiki-san. I’m not a person worthy of casting judgement on others so you can just tell me… why do you heal people?”

“I don’t know… Why do I do that?” Tsumiki said, looking back at him suddenly her face entirely blank as if she had forgotten. “You know once in the past, Kumagawa-senpai told me that the fact that I endured bullying and decided to heal people anyway, that I made something out of my trauma and developed a talent is what made me strong, stronger than him but…”

“I don’t think it’s like that, it’s like… it’s not who you are, it’s not your fault if you were unable to make the best out of abusive circumstances and overcome them, it’s just some people were born with a talent that allows them to grapple with their misery. It’s just fate.” Komaeda said, his eyes felt tired in that moment, like he had been staring at the sun for too long. He had been looking for light, and straining his eyes to do so, until he lost the ability to see. “No it’s probably, the thing called talent which attracts their misery. You should not have had to learn to patch up your own wounds, somebody else should have taken care of that for you.”

"Yeah... it was probably just a lie he told. I'm not such a foolish, clumsy girl that I can't tell when people are lying. But senpai's were different... he always told such kind lies."

"What's the difference when it's still a lie, even if it makes people happy. This whole world is..."

“Komaeda, do you…?”

“Do I what…?”

“Oh, it’s nothing! Forget i said it! K-k-komaeda-kun just, makeup with Kuzuruyuu-kun already please? It’s not good for friends to fight, actually, it’s not good for anybody to fight, fighting stresses the body out and stress leads to several medical disorders!”

“Well, I’ll try my best but merely existing is sometimes too much, too stressful for someone like me.” Komaeda said, scratching at the back of his head as he did. He merely meant it to be a self deprecating joke, but it only made Mikan worry more.

She grabbed the back of him and started to shove him forward. “No time for philosophy, you’re only going to make yourself worse. Introspection can be healthy, but psychologists term unhealthy, obsessive thinking about pain and trauma to be rumination-” She slipped into reciting medical facts again before pausing for just a moment. “You ruminate because you can’t forget.”

“I’m sorry…” Komaeda said, looking back to Mikan. His voice was gentle because he understood of all people, Mikan needed to be handled gently, she too was cracked glass that someone had merely slapped a band aid on. “Is there something I’ve forgotten, Tsumiki-san?”

“No, it’s not about forgetting. It’s about being unable to forget. Everybody else can hurt others and move on and forget about it, but those who are hurt spend their entire lives remembering how they were hurt, it’s sickening, it’s like a sickness the remembering disease.”“Tsumiki-san I…” Komaeda tried to say something but he remained as ineffectual as ever just as he was slammed out the door. A light breeze blew by him, and he shivered pushing down his hospital robes like he was Marilyn Monroe, though he was neither beautiful or famous and therefore unworthy of the comparison. “I should really go get changed first…” He was sure nobody wanted to see how much of his pale skin was exposed by these hospital robes.

After she was sure Komaeda had left, Mikan unwrapped the bandages around her hand and saw underneath, her hand was completely untouched. What she had been hiding with those bandages were the long red fingernails on the end of each of her fingers. She had not cut off somebody else’s hand and swapped it for her own, that would be silly, she had just applied fake nails to her own hand.

Yet, suddenly it was like that hand did not belong to her. The hand gripped her mouth and squeezed tightly, preventing her from saying anything else, even if she could put these feelings into words they would probably come out sounding stupid, because she was just a stupid, useless girl, always getting in the way of things and making things worse with her presence. There was only one thing that could redeem an existence like hers. 😈 『I know I’ve been nothing but trouble for you when we’re together, and I’m so sorry about all that but...』

Kumagawa was dreaming of his precious person, his world, he stood with her in a garden. There was no cherry blossoms flying in the background, nor were they standing in a field of flowers, the place they stood was empty, entirely devoid of color, there were dead tries reaching their emaciated and twisted limbs towards the skies, and crows gathered among those branches watching, and cackling in the background.

However, none of that mattered. Even if the world was completely empty, he simply wnated to stand in it with her. It did not matter what the rest of the world looked like, because the world was entirely composed of the two of them, hand in hand, walking inside each other’s gardens. He reached forward taking her hands for once without fear, without hesitation that he usually felt taking such beautiful and untouched hands with his fingers that only corrupted things eating away at them like rust.

Intertwining their fingers he pulled her closer. When their faces were centimeters apart, he asked it, looking unwaveringly into those empty eyes of hers, he would get as close as he could, he would say it as loudly as he could so she would know that to him a liar, this was his only undoubtedly true sentiment. 『Will you marry me, Junk-』

“It seems like senpai is having a romantic dream, I feel really sorry for whoever he’s fantasizing about.” Komaeda’s voice suddenly spoke up.

Kumagawa’s eyes shot open, and he raised his head. 『Oh, guess that wasn’t real after all.』His voice echoed with empty disappointment.

Disappointment was neither hope nor despair, wait… Komaeda no longer thought about hope or despair, so there was no use dwelling on that. “I have no expectations at all when I come to see you and yet somehow you always manage to disappoint me.”『It’s my talent. Remember there’s no such thing as bottoming out, things can always fall lower.』

“So I was right, talent really is a cursed thing that can only make people miserable.”『Nagito-chan you’re being so kind to me today! Did something put you in a good mood? Did you meet a cute male nurse in your stay at the hospital?』

“How did you know about that…?”『I’m always watching my cute kouhai. Always.』

“I guess I should add stalker to the list of ways that you’re a terrible example of an upperclassmen, senpai.”『Nooo, that was supposed to sound cute. I’m not a yandere, if I was that’d be too much of a character overlap with Yasuke-chan.』“I don’t think you’re any kind of -dere, senpai. You’d have to be capable of love to be dere. You can just be a yanyan, there’s no overlap.”『If I was a nyanyan, that’d sound way cuter.』

Komaeda realized that he had lost track of what he had come to ask Kumagawa in their bantering again. He sighed and dismissed all of it, closing his eyes again. “This is nosense. Kumagawa-senpai, have you ever received a gift before?”『Nope. I’ve never been given a gift before, not even for my birthday, probably because nobody has ever once thought it was a good thing that I was born into this world.』“I was never given a gift before either… I just wanted to get Kuzuryuu-kun a present so we could make up from our fight but… why do I keep coming to you of all people for advice? This is like the blind leading the blind.”『It’s probably because we’re both self obsessed emo freaks, so we can only relate our thoughts to those who are just like us.』“Well, you’re useless as always.”『Thank you I’m glad I could be no help at all.』

Koameda opened his eyes then. I know exactly what you’re expecting, now I’m going to slip into metaphor heavy prose about the nature of human connection, but you see I’ve been doing this every time these two talk together and I can’t even keep things consistent for myself, so I don’t know why I’d bother to be consistent for a bunch of strangers even if they are my dear readers.

Human failure. Damaged goods.
They were similar, but different. Fuyuhiko had tried so hard to reach him with those honest emotions of his, but in response Komaeda only shut him out, and yet he could so easily open up in front of somebody like Kumagawa who he detested.

He called it like looking into a mirror, a mirror with severe cracks in it. Broken mirrors were bad luck after all. The person you saw was just yourself looking back, but they looked warped, because the cracks in the mirror causes light to fracture and refract ever so slightly.The world view must have been warped as well, the person belonging to the mirror world must have been looking at life through a cracked lens. Yet, he could not even bother to think about the mirror world because he was only thinking about himself, of the parts that were missing in his reflection because pieces of the mirror were gone now.

Missing parts. A person born without something essential, too many missing pieces, too many cracks. There was no characteristic he had that was unlike anyone else, there was no way in which he was unique and totally irreplaceable, no he really was just average and unextraordinary in every sense of the words, but he had too many missing parts. That was why he was just like everyone, and that was why he was nothing like anyone at all.That time with Nanami when he said such cruel things to Mikan, it was probably because he was only talking about himself. He doubted he had it in him to actually feel anger towards someone for having any kind of flaw unless it was a flaw that he had, simply because he was not close enough to others to feel anger. The human failure. In Osamu Dazai’s seminal novel No Longer Human, or Human Failure, or Rejection from Humanity, the main character is an artist who paints a portrait and stares at it as the embodiment of the uncanny valley, that which looks human but just not quite enough so as to unnerve everyone around them.If he looked in an undamaged mirror surely that was what he would see, that kind of painting that was human but not human looking back at him. He was happy Kumagawa was such a cracked mirror then. Someone so alike him, but not. There was nothing special about Kumagawa either, except for his trauma, so he he wore those cracks on his body proudly, he did not bother to cover them up like Mikan.

So he liked it, seeing himself but not seeing himself, facing himself but not. He could stare in the cracked mirror all day, and just like a child wonder what the life of the other him was like, and it was nothing more than a fanficul delusion. It was just playing at understanding others. It was exactly like a childish game. He did not even worry about how many cracks appeared in his reflection.

He never had to worry because he know something like breaking apart and disappearing was not going to happen to this mirror. The world would refuse to end for both of them. They would simply break more and more, cracks running deeper and deeper without a bottom, as it was so hard to break that which was already broken.Oh. I just rambled and contradicted myself again. Feel free to ignore this. My thoughts on the matter probably are not that deep. I am just a talkative delusional, defective, emo ninteen-year old.

At least the world had beaten Kumagawa until he reached his broken state, he was the damaged goods after all. Perhaps Komaeda had simply been born this way, any thing the world added to him just piled onto what was already there.He wanted to look away from others, because he did not want to see in them what was missing in himself. He did not want others to look at him because he did not want to see what was missing in him. Yet, he had to look somewhere, yet he had to be looked at. So, he played pretend in this mirror.

Komaeda stopped staring at himself however and noticed something vital in the room. Despite Kumagawa’s complaint that he had never received a present, the room that previously looked like the realm of the dead with sheets covering the furniture, and the room barren except for a bed of desks Komaeda now saw it was completely full to bursting with flowers, and colorfully wrapped boxes and several stuffed rabbits including one that was extremely large. It looked like the kind of gifts that would be brought to a hospital room, or perhaps a wake.“I thought you said you never received any presents, senpai.”『These aren’t presents they’re bribes...』Kumagawa said, he probably thought that line sounded unbelievably cool. He laid back on his bed of desks, looking up at the ceiling that was neither familiar nor unfamiliar. 『Anshin’in-san is getting impatient she’s trying to bribe me to come back, she still doesn’t get how people work at all. She used to do this in the past too.』

“Who…?”『Nevermind forget about her, she doesn’t even exist.』Kumagawa sat up again, his eyes looking somewhere into the past. 『A girl’s never given me a present, but the girl I loved got plenty of presents from a girl once. Nobody ever gave her a gift that made her happy, but there was plenty of gifts she was indifferent towards. She especially did not care when they went ‘I made this especially for you’. She was like, pass! 』Kumagawa suddenly did an amazing impression of a girl’s voice, like his voice actor had been female all along or something.

“Huh…?”『I mean, there was nothing in particular that she liked. So even if you were to get her something she looked like she liked, like a bunch of flowers you arranged yourself with special meaning she wouldn’t even look at it.』

“So, flowers are no good?”『Also, even if you were to kill for her, she probably wouldn’t be satisfied. She was that kind of girl who could never feel satisfaction for even one moment of her life.』

“Hey, hey, who jumps from flowers straight to murder?” Komaeda said, freaking out for a moment before sighing. He was starting to fear what Kumagawa would mention next. “I-is that all?.”『The roughest one of all had to be a hand-knitted sweater. All floppy with her name written on it, that thing was way too heavy for her, somebody with that shallow existence, that hollow on the inside girl would just get weighed down by a gift like that. 』“So, no matter what I tried to give them, it’d just be a bother, huh?” Komaeda said. He had already known it for a long time, that his presence put others at unease, that the sum total of his existence was a petty annoyance.『You’ll just bother him, but Nagito-chan if he’s your friend than I’m sure he’ll be happy to be bothered by you. I’m always happy when you come to annoy me. I'm sure your presence will be a present to him.』

Komaeda said rather coldly, “But it’s different between you and me because we’re not friends senpai.” Before leaving, letting the door swing shut on the empty room behind him. 😈
Enoshima Junko kicked a door open on an empty room. That was not a metaphor, but rather it was literal as the room that the sleeping Kumagawa almost never left was completely deserted.

On the desks tied together that he used as a bed there was a single note. Meet me in the place of our first memory. Do you remember? The emotion she felt when she recognized the note was neither despair nor anger, but rather an intense apathy that annoyed her, like a hole in herself that the wind was blowing through and making an annoying whistle she wanted to ignore. So, she acted petty and dug her nails into the note, and then crumpled it up and bit into it.

A moment into her tantrum she realized that paper tasted terrible and she spit it out. As she stomped out of the door, and down the stairs once more, just as she was making it to the outside world, she noticed the ground was shaking.

Immediately her phone rang. She picked it up, “Kamukura, Kamukura, yas-”

“Please do not make me relive the worst memory of my , and it is not Kamukura anymore.” Izuru’s voice came impassively on the other end of the phone.

“You know for a guy with the personality of wet cardboard you really are picky on how people interact with you.”“It’s called having standards. I am sure you are unaware because nobody you ever interacted with ever had any, especially Kumagawa-senpai.”

“Hey, I’m the one who lowered my standards for him!” She said, “I descended from my throne we’ve already been over this thematically-”

“I suppose I cannot stop you from telling yourself that. Regardless look at the sky.”Junko could have kept bantering for a few more lines but she decided on a whim to be cooperative, and her eyes trailed across the horizon. The hospital that Kamukura was currently calling from had become a distorted image, growing in size until it reached the sky. “Eh, is the program glitching? I told you it was a bad idea to let you do most of the program when the right side of your brain is half dumbass now.”

“I know you are completely aware of how inaccurate that statement is, you grew up with a neurosurgeon childhood friend.”

“Yeah, why’s the world going all silent hill all of a sudden?”

“Enough video games.”

“But we’re in a video game!”

“And I was in one for seven years and how many do you think I had to here from your splinter ai counterpart who thought she was equally as clever, joke about how the world was just like a video game..”

“Boo hoo, you’re no fun at all. You’re totes lame, senpai.”

“Considering your definition of fun I would rather ben boring in your eyes. Now, this world is shaped by Komaeda’s dream technically, but are you aware of Jung’s idea of the collective unconscious?”

“You mean like in the persona games.”

“Use a more intellectual source of reference please.”

“You mean like in evangelion?”

“Have you ever even opened a text book once in your life?”

“Are you implying that it’s a bad thing that most of my knowledge of human psychology came the anime I watched?”

Izuru made a sound like a dying cat on the other end of the line, and then continued on. “Technically, the reason every dreamer in this world is able to dream the same dream is because of the Bookmaker Virus that Kumagawa implanted in them, reducing them to his level and creating Komaeda’s dream of a world without talent. However, because Kumagawa-kun shared control with Komaeda, there’s a part of Komaeda that remembers and narrates this world, controlling it effectively and maintaining it while there’s another part of him that forgets. However, even if Komaeda is the main one that remembers in this world, this world is a collective subconscious created by all the dreams of the dreamers connected therefore if somebody else could remember…”

“Then they’d influence the shape of this world too, duh! I already figured it out like five minutes ago. I don’t know why you bothered to ramble on so long with that completely boring explanation.”

“If you knew then why didn’t you just say so?”

“I thought the audience needed some exposition.”

“There is no audience!”

“Yes there is, and they’re very disappointed with your performance right now. I’m hearing like all of the boos.”

“It’s just you, be quiet. Anyway, I’m going to act as originally planned it looks like we’ll need to split up to handle this.”

“Ugh, but I don't ant to do things. I want to not do things like I usually do and have everyone else do things for me.” Junko whined into the other end of the phone.

“This time though it was your personal touch that broke her, so you can deal with it.”

“Hey, I’m not the one who broke her. The entire world broke her, I just took advantage of the good work everybody else did and built on top of it, really I should be thanked for making something so useful out of that broken mess -ugh, don’t hang up on me Hinata-senpai! I’m not done philosophizing at you yet! Tell me you hate me! Come on!” Junko said, before slamming the phone on the ground and breaking it with her heel. She looked at the distorted hospital in the distance and sighed.Even if Kumagawa was a broken toy he was still hers. She hated it most of all when other people tried to play with her toys. She held onto her chest once more, trying to perserve the lone spark of feeling Kumagawa had ignited in her, trying to hang on to the ghost feeling of that warmth, but it was like nobody could reach or touch him anymore. It was like being next to a ghost, or a demon, believe in them all you want but feelings could not reach them.That was why the gears in her were getting messed up, that was why the switches were flicked. She felt a shiver of anxiety that was neither hope nor despair, irrritation, annoyance, Kumagawa’s existence and his refusal to exist within any bounds of logic still bothered her logically driven brain to no end. She was being driven crazier and crazier, turning him over and over again in her head, but that was exactly what she wanted.

That was what she would not let be taken away, because that emotion, that real sentiment belonged entirely to herself and she would drive her red nails into it and destroy it before she let anyone else touch it. Even if it meant dealing with something bothersome now that she felt absolutely nothing towards one way or another.

She was a logical girl, but she also only ever acted on impulsive feelings, she only cared about that which made her feel, because she felt nothing at all for the vast majority of this entire world, and all the people inside of it. They were nobodies with washed out features, heartless dolls, an entirely colorless world.

She had made her way to the hospital quickly enough, and kicked the door down only to see there was no simulation of a lobby inside, the hospital had changed forms from a regular hospital to what Junko described as this.

“What the hell is this place, Kafka’s wet dream?”

. The floors were black and white tile, and they extended into a hallway that looked infinite. The moment she took a step, she heard a blaring noise, that echoed through her right down to her empty core.

There was no reason for why she did what she did. She was simply born, lacking the vast majority of parts that most normal people had, but with a brain that functioned so well as to overcompensate for these missing parts. It made her exactly aware of how different she was than others, and because of that how easily she could move around and manipulate the others around her.

Sometimes she felt like she was cheated, like everybody else living a normal life, enjoying their normal life, were all able to distract themselves sufficiently from what was obviously an empty world, like they were so deluded they did not even grasp how boring their little lives were. She felt jealous of those who were part of the delusion that she had never even gotten a chance to be part of, because she was too smart, because she saw through it from the moment she was born.

Her desire was simple, to enjoy her school life the way everybody else did. However, she was utterly true to that desire, especially when the only things she enjoyed was twisted and unsavory things. She did not care about breaking the porcelain dolls she played with known as people, because she could love a broken person as much as she could a whole one.

Now though, she was doing the thing she hated the most, she was dragging herself through intense apathy. The hospital extended before her, and she saw stairs leading up. If she were pretentious she might even call tem the stairs to heaven. On the stairs, images of a black and white bear, half good, and half evil, repeated itself, and on the walls as well like some kind of cutesy wallpaper.By three flights of stairs up she had gotten unbelievably sick of her once beloved black and white aesthetic. Yet, she had to keep climbing, because she knew where this would lead her. She remembered in an instant. Our first memory. Once in the past, she had taken an Ultimate Nurse to a hospital, and put on a show for her, showing that it was much more fun for nurses to torment their patients who were still completely dependant on them, by showing her a nurse who beat an old man again and again, only for her crimes to be forgotten because of the man’s memory problems.

Extending on the floor, there were arrows that were also black and white. The black and white tiles, stripes, all seemed to run into each other, creating a confusing mess that was painful for her brain that loved order, and fashion, and things that looked beautiful together to look at.

Suddenly, voices blared over the speakers, above the white noise music she was displaying.

“Ocean.” 『Island.』“Birth.” 『Mistake.』

“Life.” 『Meaningless.』

“Live.” 『Spite.』

“Die.” 『I don’t care.』『I want to sleep.』

“Dying.” 『Failure.』 『Let me sleep.』The voices speaking back and forth, falling repettively like rain drops she recognized them but she had no reaction to them at all. In the background of those voices she heard the ticking of several clocks at once, more discordant noise.

Suddenly, several holes in the walls opened up and bouquets of flowers of many different kind fell from every angle. Enoshima Junko’s annoyance doubled as suddenly she was buried under flowers, and smelling several different contrasting scents at once that of course her overpowered sensory facilities picked up, and seeing every color clash at once.

“Can you not remember this?” A voice called out.

She dragged herself out of the flowers, and stomped on one of the bocquets before continuing onward. The only emotion she showed was a slight gritting of her teeth, her eyes were apthetic as ever as she rounded another flight of stairs at the end of the hallway and climbed them.
“Scorn.” 『Loser.』“Home.”『Person.』

“Person.” 『Gone.』

“Sin.” 『Lie.』

“Liar.” 『Demon.』

When she got in the middle fo the hallway, suddenly again a closet door was thrown open and a skeleton fell on top of her, like it was a jump scare in a low budget haunted house. She looked around and saw there were more skeletons piled on the ground, but they were nothing more than fakes, props.“What about this?”

She stepped over one breaking the plastic bone. Her heels traveling over them, she was utterly indifferent as she continued forward. Climbing the tower, higher, and higher, the only reason people built towers this high as because they wanted to see them collapse. She really thought that.

The black and white was becoming too confusing before even her eyes, the stripes went from horizontal, to vertical, to diagonal, in fashion terms they were totally clashing. If this building were a person their outfit would look fat right now. She traveled to the next floor.“Woman.” 『Junko.』

“Pride.” 『Junko.』

“Strength.” 『Junko.』

“Island.” 『Lonely.』

“Alone.” 『Junko.』

The girl who stood alone, unaffected by everything, unrelated to anything, untouchable, her body having the quality of never being touched, not a single crack on her. She climbed the confusing black and white looking stripes once more, and turned the hallway. Suddenly, another door flew open, and a cart flew out of the door.

On the cart, there was a half finished sweater. The tackiest handmade thing imaginable. It had the letters “JUNKO LOVE” written on it in english with a giant heart, there was still a string running from it from where it had been left unfinished.

“Put that on. You have no other choice.”

Enoshima gritted her teeth in annoyance, and her eyes narrowed in disgust at having to wear something so unfashionable. She pulled it over her head, her two pig tails getting caught in it for a moment before her head finally peeked out, and she wore the woolf scarf over her fahsionable red and black uniform.

She followed the unwound thread through the mazelike hospital, as she walked along in the hallway she saw more of the black and white monokuma faces appear, staring at her from every angle. There was a single mannequin right before a door. It had a large plush bear head, and a maid outfit on top of it, right she had forced that girl to wear that outfit as a joke.

“So, have you at last remembered?”

“Yeah, I’ve remembered.” Enoshima Junko finally reached the door, and entered it, the hospital lights made her shadow extend far beyond her feet and it entered before she did. That was right, once she had brought Tsumiki Mikan to a hospital, promising to show her the wonders of despair, and she had called it their first precious memory.

That was all  a lie of course, because to Enoshima Junko there was no such thing as precious things, or precious memories, all things were qually perishable and without meaning.

Except one small thing that just happened to be a consistent bother to her, because Kumagawa Misogi just so happened to be immortal, and such thorough nonsense even her brain could not analyze him perfectly.He did not become used to it, nor did his heart slowly become blackened over time until he became accustomed to such things. Each loss felt fresh, every pain sharply stung. He was not someone who could bravely say, “It’s because I’ve felt much worse pain, that I can endure this now.

He was a coward who was constantly afraid he could fall farther, that there was more pain waiting for him, worse than he had ever felt. He was constantly worrying about what he’d lose next.

When he walked forward in spite of that fear, he did not consider it bravery. Walking into a place like this of his own free will, it was just stupidity. The stupidity of a desperate loser, in other words, the only move someone like Kumagawa Misogi could make. Running away from pain, running into pain, that was his whole life, just running, there was no destination, no nobility, no form about it.

Just like his namesake he was a pure river that ran forward in search of something. The place he was supposed to go next though, he was unsure, it was being carved on his face by needlepoint.

Tsumiki MIkan  reached forward and touched his cheek. He felt slight pinpricks of pain as she squeezed it, agitating the stitches that were over his lips. “Now I’m starting to see why Junko fell for you, you’re so precious and cute when you’re like this senpai!” Tsumiki Mikan said in a voice of genuine joy. “Close your eyes senpai, forget the real world even exists, stay dreaming and we can stay in this happy dream forever. I’ll let you depend on me forever.”

He was standing on his knees with his hands handcuffed behind his back, his shirt removed, and his head hung there limply as Tsumiki Mikan finished sewing his mouth shut. All of the pleasure she had given him slowly nursing him back to health and taking care of him, she was now giving him just as much pain, because that was all life was a nonstop cycle of pleasure and pain. That was all interacting with other people was, getting hurt, and then being comforted by the same people only to be hurt again.

The moment Enoshima Junko walked into the room, Kumagawa Misogi collapsed, like a puppet whose strings had been cut. He simply lie there on the floor.Tsumiki looked around at all of the clocks she had set in the room. The record player she had left blaring with unpleasant white noise. “Nooo, you’re not supposed to fall asleep yet. The show’s just beginning. Ugh, after I took such care to keep you awake. He really is useless.” She slapped his cheeks gently to try to wake him up but to no avail. Tsumiki Mikan turned around looking at Enoshima Junko with a sweet smile, like a lovesick girl. “That sweater really suits you! Bright red suits you, since that’s the color of spilling blood that you find so pretty. I thought it was so charming, that you found beauty in broken things like me.”

Enoshima Junko merely tilted her head, as if she was confused by the whole scene in front of her. “ Hey, Tsumiki-san. Do you want to know… what I really think of you?”Voices whispered in the back of Tsumiki’s head. You must not give a definition to love. It’s an insult to love to try to define love. Anything is a form of love. However, she shut them out in an instant, looking at Junko as if expecting the whole world from her. “What… what did you remember about me?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? So… you don’t remember.”

“Oh, I remember every intense high defintion two point five dimmensional detail about every moment we were together, but all of that is nothing to me. I don’t give a damn basically. I never cared even one bit for you. The only thing extraordinary about you was how desperate you were to please me, but really that just made you more boring because of how easy you were to manipulate.”

After all the build up, Mikan only responded to that with a squeaky. “W-what?”“That whole beloved thing was just a one sided thing imagined on your part. I just went along with it, but to be honest I care more about Hagakure then I do you.”

“I… I lost to a person like Hagakure.”Poor Hagakure he’s not even in this story.

“Don’t give me that dumb surprised face. Don’t pretend to be humble either. It’s really haughty that a chump like you thinks they can interfere in the relationship between Misogi and I. It’s not like you wanted to be loved, because love would be painful to you, you just wanted a one sided love that you could imagine, a fantasy, an infatuation to escape from the pain. All you cared about was the image of your beloved, it didn’t even have to be me, it could have been anyone.”

Enoshima Junko may have mistakenly looked like she was tamed, but the truth of the matter was she was nothing more than a wild beast. She was seeking to dig her claws into others. Tsumiki Mikan, that girl barely held together by bandages, was basically just begging her to be torn apart between those claws.

“W...why? If you don’t care about other people at all. Then why, why Kumagawa-senpai? Why not me?”

“That’s none of your business, not even worth explaining to a chump like you. It’s like this whole stunt, it doesn’t even make me feel anger, or even annoyance, I just feel nothing but apathy. You’re so incompetnet you couldn’t make me feel something by torturing the boy I love in front of me.” Enoshima Junko said, eyes dull with her own emptiness for a moment as she held her hand over her chest, before those predator eyes turned on MIkan and again cut straight through her. “I suppose if I had to explain though, it’s because Kumagawa wounds me, while I’m wounded by him, and when his blood splashes in that moment I can taste a little bit of his warmth.”

“That’s messed up… That’s… so selfish.” Tsumiki Mikan, seeing the true face of that girl whose face she had forgotten and remembered all over again, stepped backwards from it, tripping over her own feet and falling.

Enoshima Junko simply stood over her, proud and tall in her boots. “That’s right, That’s why I do that. It’s all about me, you don’t even exist in my world. I’m standing in front of you right now, and it’s like I can barely see you.”

Tsumiki Mikan went grasping on the floor. As she groped around desperately, her fingers curled around a scalpel. She repeated what Junko said earlier, still processing the words. “So basically… you don’t give a damn right…” But Junko gave no response, not even the smile of enjoying her current despair. In that instant a switch was flipped. She imagined the pretty red blood that would emerged from Junko’s breasts, if she stabbed her with that scalpel straight in the chest.

However, before that switch could be flipped, Kumagawa Misogi had crawled forward on the ground and bit at the end of her apron. When she went to move and suddenly was stopped she looked down. Kumagawa’s body twisted, and she heard the poping and cracking of his bones as he brought the handcuffs above his head and broke and readjusted his wrists to slide them off. That hand reached out and grabbed her by the sleeve.『Mikan-chan.』

“Kumagawa-sepai. Doesn’t that hurt…?”Kumagawa lifted himself up them. Easily, he jammed a finger into his mouth, and pulled at the stitches, not caring the way it made his flesh stretch, or agitated the holes in his flesh. He pulled the strings until they broke, then licked the inside of his cracked lips. He did not even bother with the strings around his eyes.『Mikan-chan. We weren’t done yet. Aren’t you going to pick up where you left off? Aren’t you going to beat me and hurt me and hurt me and make me experience pain and suffering, and then kill me off. Your actions spurred by simple jealousy towards me, ordinary remorse, and your own boring sense of guilt.』

“Th-that’s right.”『You don’t say.』He clutched his right index finger in his left hand. 『I think your torture was pretty weak, but we did get interrupted in the early part. So, if you were to continue you might break my finger like this…?』He forced the finger backward, snapping the bone. There was a sound like a wire suddenly snapping in a high tension bridge, or perhaps Mikan only heard that in the back of her mind.

Her face froze in shock.

An overwhelming maddening pain went through him, but his eyes remained sewn shut, and he made no expression at all flashing the broken digit in front of Mikan’s face. 『Satisfied?』A quiet look of horror overtook her, but Kumagawa could not see it. 『You’re not, are you? Why would you be satisfied with that? That’s not nearly enough to cheer you up. You’ve loved, and loved and loved Junko so much, so there’s no way you’re satisfied yet. Because if it’s for love, morals, laws, and common sense don’t mean a thing. Come on tell me what bone you want me to break next, if it's for the sake of MIkan-chan's love then I don't mind.』

She trembled, but nobody in the room particularly cared for that display of emotion.『Choose one, come on choose. Tell me what you want to break I'd do anything for you. Fine, I'll choose. I guess the middle finger is next?』He clutched his middle finger.

Snap.
Another string broke, but which string was it? The string that was connected to the puppets digits, the strings that held together Mikan's fragile mind, or was it the strings that connected them. Too many strings, so many it was easy to be strangled, and yet he broke them one by one. 『Tell me which one you want. Ring finger next?』

He bent his ring until he heard a string break.

Snap. 
『Come on, come on, Mikan-chan this is what you wanted right? You have to choose. Should I just keep guessing? And finally, the pinky?』

He twisted his pinky in an impossible direction.
Snap. 
Breaking something that had already been broken and broken again. His shape was definitely twisted, the gnarled fingers were just a symptom of his twisted form. Strings criss crossed in front of them and Mikan stared in confusion back and forth.

“Ah… ah… ah…” The blood rushing to her face, anxiety, concern, it all rushed towards her feeling everything at once. She suddenly rushed for him and grabbed his hand, pulling his unbroken hand away from the rest of him. “What are you doing senpai?”『Why are you backing down now? If you weren’t serious about torture you should not have joked around, even a comedian like me won’t laugh at that. If this will really make you feel better than-』

“Senpai! What are you!? There’s no malice in you at all even though I dragged you all the way here!? Even though I was the one who hurt you!? It’s like you don’t care about what other people do to you at all!”

She wrestled with him, with the strings tied around his wrist trying to pull them away. However, Kumagawa who was usually so weak, who had been so lifeless she could drag his body here like she was transporting a corpse with no resistance, suddenly ripped his hand away from her easily. 『Mikan-chan.』

Tsumiki had given everything with that last outburst, and yet none of it reached him.  She could not stop him, all he could do was cry. 『I’m just a broken doll.』

Snot leaked out of her nose.『That’s why I have no nerves.』

Tears streamed down her face, mixing with the snot a thoroughly ugly cry.『That’s why I have no heart.』

He put his hand towards the ground, and then threw all of his body’s weight like a twisted looking dance onto his left arm.

Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap.  『What a satisfying quartet of sounds. 』He pulled on every string at once, tensing them until they broke. He wanted to destroy the string's section of the orchestra. 『What I love about life is things can always become more twisted.』

Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap. You endured everything you could, pushed the tension limit of the strings to the max, and then one day they just snapped. That was life. He brought up his broken fingers, bent in the wrong direction and then tilted his head puzzling over them.『This is a good show, too bad, I wonder if I’ll be able to applaud with these hands, or fondle Junko's boobies anymore.』

“Isn’t that painful?”『Everything is painful, life is nothing but pain, I’ve grown tired of it, it’s so goddamn boring I just want to take a nap.』“Senpai, please, stop…” She had tried crying and now begging. The only options available to a victim, a useless victim. 『Why should I stop? This kind of torture was what you were already going to be doing. It’s not different than if you do it. Tear out my fingernails next, and then my toenails, light my hair on fire, cover my head in a bag and drop water on it like I’m drowning, if you feel like doing any of that I’m fine with it… 』

“Senpai… Stop, stop, stop…”『Then, you don’t want to hurt others, MIkan-chan. You don’t enjoy it? You should have just told me so it would have saved a lot of trouble.』Kumagawa looked at her like he truly did not understand the words I don't want to hurt you. Pain was the deafult he expected from everyone, every last person on earth existed to hurt him. 『It's fine, I wont' be mad, I won't hate you, you know once I had an annoying habit of chewing my nails and the girl I loved like an older sister ripped out my nails one by one.』

“I don’t…but it’s all I know how to do. I grew a little bit more confident when Junko embraced me, and I started to kill others for her sake. I grew a little more confident in this world and I hurt you.”『Hey, MIkan-chan. Why are you sticking around in this world anyway?』

“I don’t want to go back to the real world. I don’t want to return to being a pathetic person who can only hurt others. It’s scary, I’ll get hurt again…” Tsumiki Mikan had been reduced to a crying child. However, even with broken fingers, Kumagawa embraced such a person from behind. “I don’t know how to love others normally, I don’t know how to love myself. I don’t know how to do anything right.”『Mikan-chan. There’s no such thing as a lost cause. Even Enoshima Junko deserves a chance, so you too. Go to the real world ahead of me please, it’s only there, it’s only by loving others and trying again and again that you can learn to do it, to love yourself.』

"I was wrong. I was so wrong. I'm so sorry for hurting you, I should have never wanted to be loved if it led to this." 『Mikan-chan, you were not wrong. It's not wrong for you to desire to be loved, even if that desire became twisted among the way. Even if it resulted in this.』He gestured with his broken hand, fingers simply dangling there. 『You were not wrong.』“Kumagawa-senpai... how do you know it’s not too late for me?”“『Listen, if you want to be forgiven Mikan-chan, you have to endure the punishment. That’s why, go on and live. Go on ahead of me, and learn to live without me, and when you have I’ll catch up I promise.』

“Punishment…” Meeting Kumagawa was like a punishment for her reckless love of Junko. She had been forced to endure somebody other than her, genuinely falling in love with that person that should have been impossible for anyone to love. “It was a nice punishment…” She thought, smiling sweetly at Kumagawa, before the last thing of her to disappear was her smile.

Kumagawa was wrapping his arms around nothing at all. He fell forward for a moment, and then stared straight past Junko. 『I’m sorry for showing you such a boring show..』

“Misogi.”『Junkai-chan.』Kumagawa said, walking past her and noticing a little girl in the corner of the room, hiding in the shadows, with a paper bag over her face. He offered his back to her and she climbed on it immediately.

“Whatever, I hate you so much that watching you break your own fingers wasn’t even the least bit satsifying it was just boring.” Junkai said, leaning on him.『Girls like you are so hard to please.』Kumagawa muttered to himself, as he left Junko alone in the room.

Immediately after he had gone, she hugged herself, squeezing her own arms so tightly, that her nails dug into her own flesh leaving red streaks as small droplets of blood were drawn. She tried to keep all those emotions inside herself, but it was like keeping a big bang’s worth of energy within. “At that moment… why did you reach out to Tsumiki-senpai but not me… stupid Misogi.”

She wanted a reason. She wanted that reason to be her beloved.Tsumiki Mikan wanted to live for love. Really, people should be more honest and do things for themselves. Thinking you can live for a reason is nothing more than a happy delusion. But once you realize it’s only a delusion, there’s no place left to go.
Asking questions about life and existence just leads to a dead end.Trying to find meaning is equally dead.

Just like Kumagawa and Junko, there’s no place left to go. What’s ahead of you now isn’t even despair, but a pitch-black void.
It’s a dead end. No hope for you then.
That was what she felt in that twisted hospital corridor, like she had reached a dead end, like there was a wall between her and Misogi she could not destroy for once.
He might as well have been in another closed off world entirely. 😈  When Komaeda returned to the hospital room he found it completely empty. Lying in Fuyuhiko’s bed there was nothing more than a note and a phone. He tried to check around for Kirigiri and Natsumi to see if they knew where he was, but suddenly they were nowhere to be found either.

It was like the entire hospital was empty. It was like it had become a ghost hospital. Before he could investigate further, suddenly the phone rung. “If you want to see your friend again, you have to remember.”

The voice said on the other line. It was a voice completely devoid of emotion, and yet somehow just hearing it made him well up with emotions that he did not understand. He immediately kept the phone to his ear, almost begging wordlessly for the voice to speak again.

For some reason he was possessed by the feeling he had to go down. He needed to descend the steps in order to reclaim that memory, to revisit the first memory he had with that voice. He reached the steps and saw that the hallway had become black and white.

He ran down the stairs, but he was clumsy just like Mikan, so a two or three times he tripped and fell down the stairs instead. He crashed into the landing, only to immediately stand up. There was no way a body as weak as his, a doll made of porcealin, broken glass, was standing up like this without a scratch, but to him it did not hurt much.

Having come this far, he was finally getting somewhere. Althought there was no way a broken brain like himself could control his nervous system, let alone normal human beings, he was doing something similar. Forgetting about pain, he was becoming stronger, or perhaps throwing it away he became weak.

Either way, rather than apathy as he trudged through the black and white hospital halls, falling down stairs, he was feeling ecstatic. He picked himself up off the wall and stood up again losing track of where he had wandered.

Suddenly the phone buzzed again. “Do you remember?” The emotionless voice asked. On the floor in front of him, like a trail that was left for him, there was a single cell phone charm in the shape of a sheep. He picked it up and closed his hands around it.

He continued on, it did not hurt to tumble, but it was problematic he could not walk properly. Something about the hospital had become distorted, and the black and white colorings on the walls, the chess board tiles of the floor, and the repettition of the annoying bear symbol was only making it worse, which was bad because his sensory capabilities had never been that great to begin with.

He felt unstable, moreso than usual, as if he was losing his grip on the flow of reality in front of him. That made no sense whatsoever however because he had never had any grip on reality to begin with. There was no way an insignificant person like him could even make a ripple in the flow of reality or change one thing about fate.

He was pathetic? What’s pathetic? Space is pathetic. There is nothing worth anything anywhere in this world. Nowhere? Nowhere. This entire world was fake. Everything that you think has value is merely delusion.

Suddenly the phone buzzed again. “Do you remember yet?” The phone asked him again in an emotionless voice.

He looked down and saw somebody had left a gun on the floor. That was incredibly unsafe to do in a hospital. He picked the gun up and tucked it behind the sweater vest that he wore over his uniform. He got the feeling that he had hidden a gun there at some point in the past, but that made no sense because he was just a normal student who had never done anything significant in his life. Guns were illegal to own in japan, he would not break the laws of this world, the laws were too strong and he was weak.

He tumbled down another flight of steps, and he had finally reached the basement. Even though this time he hit his head hard, pain was just a dull thing to him. It was probably not good to hit a head so much that had already been broken to begin with, to add on to the damage, but he was apathetic.

He was trying to remember, trying so hard to remember, but even if a lantern were to spin in front of his eyes he would see no light. Why would he even think he had precious memories? His entire life up until this point was nothing.

There was nothing to remember. The phone buzzed a third time. “Hey, do you remember me?”

He snapped back to reality. He snapped. He looked to the ground and saw that there was a handcuff there, leading to a long chain. He reached and grabbed it, and chained it around his hand, and then followed the chain the rest of the way.When he finally made it, there Fuyuhiko was tied up and gagged in the corner. Pekoyama-san might find this image kinky. Wait, whose Pekoyama-san. The disembodied voice in his head that was also sometimes the narrator in this world, spoke without his consent, and he did not think about it too much. He may have hurt his brain a bit with the tumbles, not that it mattered. Not that it matters for a brain that was broken from the start.

Perhaps he had not been rushing so fast because he wanted to save Fuyuhiko. Perhaps he had tripped over his own feet on purpose, and threw himself down those stairs, perhaps he wanted to break a little more.

Either way there was something he needed to do. The thought of that made him want to burst out laughing. Even a child who had abandoned everything else to play pretend in the world, even an invisible member of the crowd could still think there’s something I have to do. He had been calling himself invisible and irrelevant over and over again, that there was nothing he could do, and now he realized more than anyone else, he was a giant fool for thinking so, and everybody else had realized it before him, they all knew that he was merely lying he was the last to realize.

In the end, however, he could not laugh.

The emotionless boy had delicately traced the contour of Fuyuhiko's chin, and then lifted him up by that point. Fuyuhiko snapped like a muzzled dog but he gave no reaction. "You've really become a lot less manly lately, Kuzuryuu. What are you doing, clinging to the illusion of your sister?"

"..." The violent dog foaming at the mouth, the dog of the yakuza fell silent.

The boy in black turned his head away as if bored and looked back to Komaeda again.

“Did you remember yet?”

A nostagliac voice answered him. A voice that remained emotionless, even as he confronted the spiky haired terrorist staring with two red eyes. He should not have expected anything, to provoke any emotion from this person.

He could not make that boy laugh either.

“Do you remember what you did with that gun the first day we met?” The emotionless boy asked him.

Komaeda nodded. For a moment he pointed the gun at the boy. However, he realized how pointless that would be. He was not someone who could move others or be moved by others. In the end it was only about himself, it was all about himself. He was sure even coming to save Fuyuhiko, was just about saving some part of himself.

His grip on reality loosened and loosened as the image of the hospital warped around him. Then suddenly, he pointed the gun back at his own temple instead. “Like this, right? This is what I should have done that day.”

The world after that moment went by in slow motion.
It was like a film projector had slowed down and was playing it frame by frame.
If this world was a video game it would be experiencing serious lag.
The figure in all black leaped forward at him. The moment that he lost his grip on his finger, and it pulled the trigger, Izuru moved forward faster than that, wrapping his arms around Komaeda’s neck.

He pushed the boy’s head out of the way, and at the same time pushed the gun barrel back. The gun fired off, but pointing it a random direction the bullet only scratched off the side of Izuru’s face. He took in unflinchingly. Komaeda thought he would take it without showing any emotion at all, but as he saw a flash of light reveal that pitch black boy’s face, his entire face was twisted up in worry and agony. For me?
Pain? For a person like me? For a dull existence like mine?

The two of them hit the floor together at exactly the same time. Izuru had wrapped his arms around him,cradled the back of his head, shielded it. He had taken so many falls today it did not matter at all, but apparently to this boy it mattered.

He was being held.
Someone had embraced him.
They wrapped their arms around him.Then suddenly, Izuru removed himself from Komaeda. The warm thing disappeared from him, like it went away to a far place, like it went an entire world away. Izuru was staring down with red eyes, looking down on him. “Death is such an utterly boring thing, there’s no romance at about it at all.”

He said, and then as if he had just given up he turned his back and walked away.

Komaeda wanted to reach after him, but Fuyuhko was still tied up. A moment later, the ropes were on the floor, and Fuyuhiko was rubbing his wrists. Komaeda looked back to see the black and white hallway had completely disappeared and they were standing in a normal hospita basement. That’s what I thought.
The world didn’t suddenly go crazy just me.
Komaeda looked down at Kuzuryuu Fuyuhiko. He had gone all this way to save the boy. He had taken a tumble, and even held a gun. Despite claiming he was a nobody who could accomplish nothing. His actions would probably be meaningless in the end.

Saving him now probably meant there was someone he failed ot save, or that he would fail to save Kuzuryuu at another date.

Yet, Komaeda could not help but smile.

“I’m so happy you’re alright.”

He said, and then finally he threw his arms around him.

“Don’t hug me you weirdo! Next time point the gun at the bad guy not yourself! Fucking idiot!” Kuzuryuu swore up a storm.

Komaeda however, happy to be near his friend, was finally able to laugh.

Back in their room, Kumagawa plucked the strings from his eyes and tried to fall asleep again. A world that can't end.

Kumagawa Misogi smiled as he thought of that, as he thought of that girl who was entitled enough to think she could destroy the whole world, that called herself a world destroyer. He only had one thing to say in response.

I love you.

Words from the person you love.

They were like strings that held you up and tied you down at once.

Just saying it like that, was enough.

He had never heard them before, so he thought they had some kind of special value.

They were hollow, entirely empty words.

Words anybody could say, just substance-less vocabulary.

Words that could forgive anyone, perhaps.

Like that girl so desperate to be forgiven.

But there's a difference between being forgiven and being saved.

The words he wanted to say to her were much more precious.  『Don't be so spoiled.』

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“ People without talent are parasites. Ticks. Mindlessly gorging themselves on the blood of larger creatures, they pair off and reproduce. That’s it.” Kamukura Izuru had been led out of his featureless white room. He wore a blue hospital gown and his hair was just starting to lengthen, it had already reached his shoulders and the antennae in the middle of his hair had grown so long it fell in front of his face. When the scientists first had found him in his room, he gave so little response and had been coughing up blood as a result of the after effects of the surgery, that at first they picked him up by the arms and dragged him like a rag doll. He decided that the strain on his arms was would be lesser if they let go of him, so he began to walk on his own. As he walked amongst faceless blue scientists, his red eyes flickering back and forth like targets searching for something to set their sights on, they all avoided making direct contact with his gaze. He was being led by two faceless men at his side, even though he had not yet done a single thing his hands were already chained up.

However, when he was led to that man’s room, that calm looking man immediately snapped his fingers and the chains were removed from his hands.

“Once upon a time the ticks tried to catch lightning in a bottle, front loading every talent they could into one of their own. The super high school level hope they called him. In reality an inextinguishable host.”

The man had brown eyes, and slicked back, dark brown hair. Despite all attempts to slick it back, his hair was messy in the front, and the back spiked up like a pair of two antannae. Unlike all the other faceless scientist, Kamukura saw this man’s face because there were two indistinguishable features. A smile present on it, and the two sharp eyes watching him.

He recognized those eyes, the look in them. The eyes he had viewed the world through, ever since he had finally been let out of that capsule and given a name, like a phoenix reborn from the ashes. Those were his eyes looking back at him. This man and him had something in common. He looked a Kamukura, and everyone else in the room, as you would look at a bug.However despite the way all the other scientists on the project seemed terrified of him, and fled the room at the easiest excuse leaving Kamukura alone with him, that man himself seemed relaxed, he gave an easygoing smile. “You’re a quiet one aren’t you?”

“...”

“It’s those scientists they programmed you to be reactive rather than proactive, they weren’t interested in your development as a person just how you would react to stimuli under controlled circumstances. This is an academy really and they couldn’t stop being scientists, they’re even raising children scientifically now.”

“...”

“Ah, that’s right it’s rude not to make introductions. Do you know who I am…?”“Teacher.”“Good! That’s very accurate, are you by any chance a fan of mine?” That man crossed his legs, looking elated he closed his eyes and smiled. “It’s not that you can’t speak it’s just you don’t talk when it’s unnecessary, ah children should be seen and not heard do the scientists here really believe in some kind of outdated philosophy like that?”

“...”

“Ah, that look you’re giving me I can tell ‘what does that old man want from me?’ Such a rebellious look are you going through your rebellious stage already? Those scientists were right you really do grow fast.”

“...” He had not made any expression at all. It was more like this apparently carefree man was carrying on a one sided conversation.

“I’m doing what any adult should do. It’s the job of adults to raise up the next generation of children, right?”

“...”

“If those scientists had their way, you wouldn’t be taught anything besides talent. There’s no reason for you to develop an ego, to think for yourself, that’s why I wanted to ask you these things. What do you think of the intersection between talent and fate?”

“...”“Put simply, do you think that human life is already set in stone at birth, and simply cannot be resisted? That you are either born talented or untalented, due to some internal components you are born with? Do you believe there is such a rule?”

“...”

“In your case, we had to kill you and give birth to a new you in order to create that thing called talent. It would have been impossible for us to give the old you a talent even with 100 years of experimentation, you had to be reborn.”“...”

“Would you mind being quiet for a moment to hear me out, just for a little?”

“...”

“Yeah, it’s a funny joke I know. A long time ago, yes, it’s a story from about sixteen years ago. That girl appeared before me, out of the blue. To my surprise, she was the same type of human as me. She had the same eyes. In that moment, I knew I wasn’t alone in the world. I was happy.”

“...”

“That’s right. Till I met her, I was all alone in this world. No one else could see the sights I see. No one else could hear the things I could hear, but even alone as I was people were begging me for help.”“...”

“You’re the same aren’t you? You’re going to become the world’s salvation, it was the reason you were born, when you leave here you’ll have the ability to help the entire world. You can labor the rest of your life for world peace.”

“...”

“I was like that too. I tried to be a more charitable person. I'm not lying. B But, that’s why I was sad, because every part of my being rejected her. As much as I admired her, I was afraid of her. The one person who could see the same sights as me, rejected me. What? A question for me? Please.”“...”

“If the results in creating with me were perfect, why are you meddling with the experiment? Why are you tainting the result?”

“...”

“Oh, you’re right, you’re right, you are the perfect prototype. ‘Why am I trying to add something else onto perfection, why am I talking to you right now?’ Why, indeed. That’s still a secret. Come on. Do you read mystery novels by skipping straight to the ending.”

“...Tedious”

“What’s this? Don’t be mad at me come on. Well, let me answer like this: Does the concept of fate exist in this world?” In his hand, he was tossing up and down a rubix cube. “Is what you were born as, is talent,  a rule that dictates the rest of your life? I wish to confirm these things. I want you to confirm them as well. With me. Let’s run our own experiment, Izuru-chan.”

“...”

“Yes. The two of us will search together, to see whether talent truly exists.Asking a fake talent like you to prove whether talent is the real deal, that’s a cruel irony to point out isn’t it, haha. Still, I hope you get to meet her one day, that girl who was also born to be mankind’s salvation, not in a lab, but in a hospital like any other normal child. I hope that girl welcomes you by her side so you can see the same sights I once saw. Well, not too bad is it? Let us confirm together the fates of the talented.”

To this day that man’s words echoed in his mind. “I’m the only one that will acknowledge you. I’ the only one that will look in the eye. You know why the rest won’t even make eye contact at you? They’re all ticks. They inherently sense their inferiority, so they look away in fear, or turn their noses up at you in disgust. If you let them continue to scurry around in your shadow, one day they’ll all gang up on you and devour you, suck out your insides until there’s nothing left but a shrieveled up empty shell.”

“...”

“Oh my, oh my, they already did that to you didn’t they? That was so rude of me.”
He said those words again and again. “I’m the only one that will look you in the eye.” Despite the strangely distant tone that man spoke in, like a creature trying to mimic human speech rather than human communicating Kamukura did not sense any lies or malice in those words.

Yet, when those eyes were looking at him he could not shake the feeling. They were razor sharp owl eyes staring at him down from above, the owl eyed man was looking at him like another bug that would soon be snatched away in his talons.
That man stopped playing with his rubix cube idly, and placed it right in Kamukura’s hand instead. “Let’s talk again, my son. Oh, if you meet my other son, be sure to play nice with him and treat him kindly.”“...?”

“Oh, love? Were you confused by love? Raising a child without love what the adults doing these days? Though I’m no better, haha. The only one that can share the same sights as you, the only one who can look into your world, and see your sky,  that’s love.”In the present as these these images from the past uncontrollably entered his mind once more all the while he stared above at the blue sky. It was an entirely artificial and fake sky, and yet he could not help but wonder if Nagito was staring up at the same sky as him right at this moment, if it looked the same through his eyes.

“You done having anime flashbacks yet? We have work to do.” Enoshima Junko said staring through a pair of binoculars.

“That’s a lie on two accounts, number one this world is not an anime we deliberated on that and already decided two arcs ago in the Ajimu arc, and number two you’ve never done any work in your life.” Izuru spat back out with her, without even looking back as his eyes were still fixated far away on the sky above him.Enoshima Junko turned her eyes on something else in that moment, but he had long since stopped wondering what kinds of things were in the center of her wicked eyes. To be the apple of that princess’s eyes was certainly a curse. 😈 Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu looked at the pencil sketch drawings that were hanging off of Komaeda’s wall. One such drawing was of a small white haired boy, holding hands with a boy who had such long black hair that he looked like the grudge child.

“Oh, these are good. I didn’t even know you had a hobby besides creeping on people and following them around all day.” Fuyuhiko said, reaching to remove the drawing off the wall.

Komaeda moved faster than Fuyuhiko had ever seen him before, and snatched it away from the wall, and then crumpled up the drawing and shoved it in his mouth. “It’sh called human obshervashion, one-” Komaeda said mouth still full, before he spat out the paper into the waste basket. “And two that was just a rough sketch even a child could do that much. Please apologize for the sake of actual artists who have something to create and contribute to the world everywhere.”

Fuyuhiko knew that nearly anything he said could set off one of Komaeda’s rambly moods and it was usually better to just ride them out, but at this moment he was particularly baffled. “Jeez, learn to take a compliment.”

“I don’t want to steal compliments when I haven’t done anything praiseworthy, I’m not a thief.” Komaeda said briefly, before he picked up again the tray he had just been returning to the room with before he saw Kirigiri and Fuyuhiko snooping around in his room.

He laid the tray on the top of a kotatsu table he kept in the middle of the room. Technically it was spring and he should have put such furniture into storage already, but Komaeda was the type to be cold all year round no matter what the weather was outside. The children sat in a ring around the center table.

Kirigiri took her sea and blew the steam off of it, before drinking it. “You could have put more sweetener in this. I dislike bitter things.”

“Then you should really do something about that tongue of yours.” Komaeda replied, no trace of bitterness present in the smile on his face.

Fundamentally, he and Kirigiri had never gotten along and Komaeda did not know why. Truth be told he had always been a fan of the mystery genre as well, it was the only kind of novel he liked to read besides what was regarded by everybody else as must read classic literature. He also enjoyed mystery games where the mechanics were based around the player character solving a puzzle pre-determined by the game designer.

The entire world was like a puzzle that he could not solve, but in the realm of video games he could manage, control and solve things on a much smaller scale. Of course he was not that invested in video games, they were just a fun childish distraction, to be put away in the toy chest when they were finished.

If Komaeda had to guess why Kirigiri did not like him, and this was not something he felt as he was terrible at reading the faces of others, but rather something he deduced. It seemed like when she looked at Komaeda, she was disappointed for some reason, because she was comparing him to someone else.

Perhaps Kirigiri had a childhood friend that he resembled. A childhood friend that had always been with her since the age of two, that seemed to be a common trope.Either way he had wanted to hold the meeting if he was going to be forced to play mystery solving gang of teenagers (If this were buffy they would be called the scooby gang but Komaeda did not think he was nearly cool enough to be buffy) with Fuyuhiko and Kirigiri he could at least do it without making a mess at his own house that he would have to clean up later.

However, Kirigiri explained cooly as she sipped her tea. “My father is tight on cash so the two of us live alone in a small apartment I doubt there’d be room for the three of us.”

Kyoko hated the name Kirigiri because her father had been born a talentless son, in a clan of detectives who valued detective work over family ties. He was thrown out by his father, only to be invited back in when his daughter showed some signs of natural intuition. However, rather than allow the man who abused him to abuse his daughter, he took her by the hand and led her away from her grandfather, even if it meant the two of them being cut off from all of the clan’s resources and having to survive on their own.

“I’m a little bit of a daddy’s girl, so I don’t want to trouble my father any more than necessary.”

Fuyuhiko had sided with Kirigiri this time, and Komaeda could understand why. After all Fuyuhiko was born to a family of crimminals, and Kirigiri was born to a family of detectives, but somehow despite being on opposite sides both families had treated their children as nothing more than vessels to carry on their lineage, giving them little chance to escape the circumstances of their birth. They were both born with the curse known as talent, it was only their family members Fuyuhiko’s sister, and Kirigiri’s father that valued them as people that saved them.“My father is not worth much money, or extraordinary in any way, but he raised me as a daughter first before a detective and that’s why, I despise detectives, and the name Kirigiri.”“I’m sorry Kyoko-san, if I could I’d erase all talent from the face of the earth for causing you such trouble.” Komaeda spoke again his true sentiment. Even if it was only one sided, he wanted to sympathize with her, he wanted to understand her circumstances he had no malice at all for this person tormented by talent.

“Komaeda it’s… it’s fine thank you. You know this is the first time you’ve said you wanted to help someone and I’ve genuinely believed you.” Kirigiri said as she set her tea down and then slid the legs she was sitting on out from underneath herself to stand up.

“Eh…?” Komaeda did not consider himself a liar. He wished he was a liar, he got into trouble so many times for being overly truthful and voicing his most unpleasant thoughts. “Why is that?”

“It’s because you’re such a helpless guy.” Kirigiri said.

“Awe that’s mean.”

“I mean it’s mean but it’s honest at least. There ain’t nothing wrong with being helpless anyway, specially if you got others around you to help you. What’s the point of being strong all on your own, you’ll just be left alone in the end?”  Fuyuhiko said as he playfull shoved Komaeda’s shoulder.

Kirigiri made it to the closet. “Komaeda, why do you have such a complex lock on this closet door? Are you hiding something?”

“No…” Komaeda said softly as he scrambled up onto his feet from underneath the kotatsu. “No no no no no, nobody’s allowed to see what’s inside there, don’t look please.” Komaeda stumbled a few more feet before he tripped forward and fell at Kirigiri’s feet. “I don’t want to be exposed...”

“Even the world’s greatest detective would have trouble unraveling you. What exactly are you saying?” Kirigiri said as she paused letting her hand simply hang in the air.

“Well, that’s good because I don’t want to be unraveled.” Komaeda was already like red yarn, stretched so long that it had lost its shape and become frayed, he did not want to be further rolled out until he lost ball form and was just a messy pile of yarn. Wait, why was he suddenly thinking of unraveling a ball of yarn? Why was that the first thing that came to mind? Could it be he was a cat after all?
“He’s probably just hiding his porn in there. I wouldn’t look inside unless you really want to know what type of guys Komaeda is into.”

“Kuzuryuu-kun!” Komaeda whined back at him.

“What I’m sticking up for you dude. There’s no way I’d ever let anybody see my stash of samurai babes I have in hiding.”

“You boys are so illogical.” Kirigiri said as she sat back down, blowing one of her stray lilac hairs out of her face to convey her annoyance.

“Rather than just boys, I think it’s people themselves who are at their basic nature illogical.” Komaeda commented always having to get the last word in.

Fuyuhiko slammed his fist on the table. “Can you two quit bickering? We’re not hanging out over golden week, we’re trying to solve a murder together? How come I’m the only one reacting to this situation am I the only one here with emotions!” He yelled at the other two.

Kirigiri’s face stayed exactly the same, and she said in the same tone of voice. “Of course I have emotions, my heart is lit afire with vengeance, and I’m determined to stop at nothing to stop these terrorists. Can’t you tell?”

Both boys blinked and then looked at each other for a moment and decided it was nicer to just leave her question unanswered.

“Rather than the three of us attempting to handle this alone, I think we should consult with a real detective, an adult. I can request for one at the library.”

“The library?” Komaeda asked.

“Yes, at the library there’s a kiosk for the detective’s association. It’s a database that ranks all available detectives, we should be able to come into contact with one that way.”

“Detective’s association? Umm, Kyoko-san I’m not sure such a thing exists. That sounds like something you’d find in an anime, should we go looking for espers, time travelers or aliens to go solve our problem?”“If you want to go back to school by the end of Golden Week, this is the best way forward.” Kirigiri said, looking directly at Komaeda in a way he could not shirk away from, which made him doubly uncomfortable because as much as he loved observing others he hated to be observed.

“That’s… that’s all I want. To go back to that school with everybody else.” Komaeda said. He did not enjoy holiday breaks at all, he was the opposite of most children in that his only happy memories were of his time at school. So, he was convinced to go along with Kirigiri’s longshot of a plan.

As Fuyuhiko, Kirigiri, and Komaeda left though locking up his house behind him, Komaeda was filled with a strange sense of foreboding. They had failed to make it to the beach, they had failed to make it to the zoo, he almost worried that the library would simply cease to exist before they could even make it to the building. A story where the protagonist does a lot but in the end his actions are ultimately meaningless.

A few minutes after Komaeda had left his room alone, Junko and Kamukura were standing in the middle of his room having easily picked the lock. Kamukura went immediately to the closet, looking at the locked door. “A secret that he would not even share with Zenkichi.”

“I didn’t know you wanted to see his porn so badly, loverboy.” Junko snickered behind him.

“Amazing, as loved by talent as you are and that is the best insult you could come up with for me in that moment.”

“Boo hoo, you’re going to make me cry tears of boredom from how no fun you are. You could at least banter with me a little bit. Come on poserboy, hit me where it hurts.”

“Cleverness and wit are wasted on a person like you, just like love is entirely wasted on you. Everything spent on a girl like you goes to waste, eventually, really. You’re like a sieve, no matter what you fill yourself up with eventually it all falls out and you’ll find yourself empty again. Your current obsession with Kumagawa-senpai is just yet another in a long line of drug addictions with diminishing returns.”“Awe, you’re not going to woo me with that nihilism. That ship has already sailed.”

“This conversation is tedious.”

“That’s what you always say when you have nothing else to say!” Junko snapped back at him.

However, Kamukura had already undone the complicated lock that Komaeda put on the door easily, and pried the closet open to see whatever it was that Komaeda considered such a forbidden secret desire that he would keep it hidden even in this world constructed of his desires and his delusions.😈 “There’s no… but I thought there was…” Kirigiri had spoken so confidently about the existence of a detective’s organization, but not only did no kiosk exist, when they borrowed the library’s computer they could find no trace of it online.

“Maybe it’s like a secret detective’s organization…” Fuyuhiko tried to suggest helpfully.

“Why would a detective organization need to be secret? They’re not criminals, they seek the truth.” Kirigiri said, repeating her somewhat idyllic view of detectives, the people she claimed she hated the most. Angry, the girl stomped her boots and turned around on her heel right then. Komaeda and Fuyuhiko combined had never seen the girl show so much emotion at once, so they both watched wondering if that small disagreement had been what Kirigiri would consider an argument, because she never really got close enough to others to argue. Not that I’m one who should be talking. Fuyuhiko was immediately shushed when his phone went off in the library, from his sister who seemed to call him every fifteen minutes now that he was let out from the hospital, so he had to excuse himself outside to take the call. He pushed Komaeda to go talk to Kirigiri instead.

“Why me…?”

“Well, you’re the one who kind of just pisses her off just by existing.”

“Listen, if I’m also annoyed by my existence, if I could stop my existence I would.”

“Would you stop saying shit like that? You’re making me worried you’re going to disappear the moment I take my eyes off of you, so go make nice with KIrigiri now. They’re picking off loners right so it’s better if we all stick together and get along.”

“I can’t believe I’m getting lectured by a yakuza on doing what’s best for the collective whole of society. Though as a hater of talent, I suppose my beliefs lean more collectivism as my desire is to be one of the crowd-” However by the time he had started to philosophize Fuyuhiko had already pushed him forward and turned his back away. Komaeda tilted his head to the side and turned towards Kirigiri. “Okay… I’ll just go do that then.” Even though he did not particularly want to, it was easy for him to just react to what others wanted of him, since anything he decided on his own would probably go wrong simply for the fact that he was the one who made that decision.

It was like luck, or fate, or something, or perhaps it was just him being bad at being a person. He looked at Fuyuhiko from a distance and saw the various faces he was making in response to his sister nagging him over the phone. It must be nice, to have someone who would miss you if you disappeared from this world like that. Even if Kuzuryuu-kun dies he’ll leave a trace behind in his sister.

Thinking of family something he had never really experienced as he only felt like a guest that was taking advantage of the HItoyoshi’s kindness, he went to find Kirigiri. “Your dad…” He asked trying to bring up a topic that she would like as she faced away from him staring at the bookshelves. “What’s it like living with just him every day?”

“You know my mother died of sickness when she was very young, I don’t have a mother, any siblings, or a thing called extended family but my father when I told him I was sad because my mother would never be able to fix the braids in my hair again, learned to do it himself so he could do it every morning for me.” Kirigiri said, as she ran her fingers through her lilac hair again. Komaeda thought it would have been a lonely thing if she instead had to learn how to tie such intricate braids all on her own because she did not have a father taking care of her. “Hey, Komaeda-kun. What were those drawings on the wall, of you and the black haired boy…?”

“N-nothing important. They’re just from a dream I’ve had over and over again.”

“What dream?”

“Are you sure you want to hear about it? Dreams come from my mind technically, and everything that comes from my mind is inherently broken.”

“It’s fine Komaeda-kun, I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want to hear it. I’m not like you who circles around the point all day and still misses it.”

“All that circling is me trying…” Komaeda said passively, and then decided to just let it go like usual. It was easier if he was a sieve that accepted everything everybody said about him, that way he could deal with that thing called humanity without having to confront a single one of them, without having to lose his place in the crowd. “I have a dream where I’m a normal boy. Utterly unremarkable.”

“I thought you were a normal boy, or at least unremarkable in every way.”

“Well, even more normal. I don’t even have good or bad luck, or a face, and yet there’s still a boy who finds me, and plays with me every day. I’m a normal boy, with a normal childhood friend, and we play normal games together, I’m sure we’ll grow up normally together but because that person found me, I feel special.”

“Are you sure it’s a dream…?”

“Huh?”

“Dreams are sometimes influenced by reality. Perhaps there really was a best friend you had like that, that you forgot about.”

“I… there was a person I forgot about but… they’ve been mean to me lately.” Komaeda remembered his stolen wallet, the punch in the gut he received, and the way that man said boring in an emotionless voice as if summarizing his existence.

“They’re probably mad you forgot about the, so they’re acting so cold to shut those emotions out. I mean, imagine if being around somebody just made them happy and you always wanted to be by their side, just that was enough for you but then suddenly you had to watch them find happiness with someone else.” Kirigiri closed the book she held open and replaced it on the shelf. “Realizing that somebody’s perfect world didn’t include you in it. Then, watching two people become ‘each other’s worlds’, findind a happy world without you, watching them find happiness in each other from the sidelines. That must be an incredibly lonely thing I imagine.”

Kyoko’s face did not change at all, nor did her tone of voice waver in any way and yet for some reason Komaeda felt physically heavier just stnading around her, as if Kirigiri was weighed down by an incredible sadness. Kirigiri must have severe abandonment issues… but that doesn’t make any sense because her father chose her over being a detective. “Kyoko-san, are you talking from experience?”

“Uhm… I’m not sure. I think in the past, I had something like a childhood friend, maybe we pinky promised to get married but I was the only one who was serious about it. The next time I met him he already had a girlfriend. Or… maybe it wasn’t a childhood friend, but a first friend I… I can’t remember.” Kirigiri gripped her face, keeping her head away from Komaeda still. The face she made in that moment, that she concealed, was probably a mystery she would lock away deep in her heart where no detective could solve it. “I’m whining about being left behind, but I forgot about somebody who was so important to me and continued living my happy life. I’m the cold one aren’t I?”“...” Komaeda did not want to answer that question. He did not want to affirm or deny any part of her. He felt too much weight by the situation already. He did not want to give from others or take from them. So, he simply made a quiet, fumbling excuse to go check on Fuyuhiko again and left. He heard the sound of Kirigiri removing another book from the shelf.

However, because he was in such a hurry to leave, he did not notice the sound of that book falling and crashing to the ground, because of the sudden disappearance of the girl holding it. It was another sound that was devoured by the silence of the library. 😈 Just as Izuru and Junko reached the library together, the ground shook again. Just as before, the building became a distortion, and grew in size until its top became indistinguishable from the heavens.“Really? Another event like this. Can this world get any more annoying? Wait, it was designed by Komaeda-senpai of course it can.” Junko immediately complained, tapping her heels in frustration.

“I thought you were the one who wanted to see unexpected things and interesting twists.” Izuru said, unable to resist cutting down Enoshima’s ego at any oppurtunity. It was like a massive rose bush after all, if he did not cut it, its thorns would wrap around everything.

“I don’t like interesting things when they get in the way of what I want.”

“What do you want exactly? That’s an important question that’s been left unanswered. Come on Enoshima, you’re always begging me to philosophize with you.”

“This isn’t even about me. We’re here to retrieve your lost friends, I’m just trying to get lost property.”

“I’m sure Kumagawa-senpai is very flattered you think of him that way.”

“He better be!” Junko snapped at him, raising her voice again. All of the other people, the imaginary shadows of real people, the blue faceless ones Komaeda had populated his world with had disappeared so there was no danger to her suddenly yelling except that it was really annoying to Izuru.

Their constant verbal sparring was like a game where Junko continually tried to get him angry enough to actually do something to her, only to have Medaka, or Matsuda come and break up their fight. When he gave into his anger he lost, and he had been losing a lot. Which was good for the slow process of regaining his emotions, but he wanted to feel more emotions than just annoyance at Junko.

“Really, I feel bad for any book where you’re the main character. An aimless girl like you is never going to find any consistent motivation or characterization.”

“My consistent characterization is that I’m way cooler than lame nerds like you!”

“Oh no she called me a nerd. Whatever shall I do.”

“There’s nothing you can do. You’ll never escape from how lame you are. Suffer in despair forever.” Junko however threatening to go full evil monologue suddenly lost interest in that and dialed it back. “Hey, hey, hey, so is Kirigiri-san the one creating that anomaly? It’d be great if she had some kind of repressed other self  that I could sink my teeth into.”

“I thought you were only here for Kumagwa-senpai. Well, he will obviously never be enough for you so I can’t help but feel sorry for him again.”

“Oh like you’re being boyfriend of the year to Komaeda right now, tall, dark, and tsundere hold the dere so it’s just tsuntsun.”

“Digressing. It’s not Kirigiri who created that in fact…” Izuru’s entire body started to flicker with red squares, smaller red pixels bleeding from his form as his eyes focused on the distorted building above them. “Kirigiri just disappeared, I’m getting no reading from her at all.”

“Huh? Then somebody else is messing with it? Komaeda, Fuyuhiko…? They’re the only ones left.”

“Neither of them.”

“That fakey fake me?”

“The AI is still in the box.”Izuru moved his hands towards his head, forming a gun with his fingers that he pointed at the side of his head. “The only possibility is that someone is interfering on the outside.”

“Who? Nobody designed this program except you, Gekkougahara whose a minor character, matsuda, and most importantly me.”
“I’m going to investigate. You find Kirigiri-san.”

“Wait are you serious? You’re just going to leave me alone here? Your entire purpose is to be the kill joy and the grumpy babysitter that stops me from destroying this whole mission on a whim. How come everybody forgets their roles but me?”

“She’s your classmate, but fine if you want have somebody else snatch her away from you and be responsible for her final demise.” Izuru flexed his thumb, and suddenly a red vector shot straight through his head. In the next moment his entire body disappeared into red squares, that slowly pixelated away.

Junko wiped off her shoulder, even though none of the pixelated dust that flew from the explosion was even real. “Ugh, fine! It’s not because of what you said, I just decided to do it suddenly on a whim, because I’m always changing my mind that’s my thing!” Junko yelled before realizing she was yelling at thin air. “He’s already gone what am I doing… whatever…”

In the next moment she kicked the door open with her heel again. Just like the hospital had, the library extended out in front of her. This time rather than the walls, it was the shelves of books themselves that grew, and twisted around. She hesitated for a moment and what she saw laid out in front of her looked like a maze constructed entirely of book shelves.

She saw Komaeda Nagito standing at the edge of that maze too, and immediately ran past him. As she did she pushed him out of the side on purpose, causing him to fall. “Out of my way loser!”

Komaeda and Fuyuhiko had noticed the disappearance of Kirigiri awhile ago, and had run back into the library to search for her, only to find it entirely empty. They split up and Komaeda had gotten lost from Fuyuhiko, his sense of reality, and his sense of direction was never that good in the first place so he felt hopelessly lost in this.

Hopeless.
Funny way to phrase that.
I can’t be less of something that I never had to begin with. Suddenly, there was a man in front of him. He wore a white lab coat with a black and white suit underneath him, and his hair was slicked back like an adult’s. In his hands he had a piece of paper, he uncrumpled it and smoothed it out. “This is a nice drawing of you and Kamukura.”

“Kamukura…I drew myself with a person named Kamukura?”

“Of course you would. You were best friends after all.”

“Best friends.” The word itself, the idea that he would become close to someone, they both sounded equally fake to him.

“No, you were even more than best friends.”

“More than that…” Komaeda said obliviously as he tried to imagine that kind of closeness. Best friends forever maybe? But… forever and eternity don’t exist. The only concept he had of love was the kind he read in story books. A person learns he’s dying and wants to find love before he dies so he’ll know he left at least one thing behind on this earth. Why would I read a sad book with a premise like that if I’m happy?

“You poor lost child. Haven’t you had enough of dreaming? Don’t you want to know the truth about who you really are?”

“Nobody knows me, not even me. There is no truth.”

“What a post modernist stance to take. How interesting.”

“But… I don’t know what’s been happening lately. I just… don’t want to be involved in it anymore.”

That man turned around slipping his hands into the pockets of his coat.  As he did the twin tails of his labcoat trailed behind him. “That’s too bad. If you had chosen to learn about yourself, you could have learned about him as well, he’s an important part of you.”

The sketched out drawing was tossed aside, it caught at the wind and fell at his feet. Komaeda merely stared at it, not sure if any of this in front of him was real. He felt like it was a dream, like he had suddenly fallen asleep at the library. “But… I don’t want to know about myself. Even if it means I would be less lonely in the end, it’s fine, I can deal with the loneliness just fine.”

When he finished saying that though the man’s silhouette disappeared, and Komaeda was left there alone, with the drawing of his dreams. He remained nothing more than a boy with his head in the clouds, as that was all he was comfortable being anymore. 😈 Enoshima Junko ran forward. As she did she saw two arrows on the floor pointing in different directions, the one pointing where she had come from had a black and white bear symbol on it, the one pointing where she was running had a pink and white rabbit symbol on it instead.

As she continued to run through something, she felt the sensation like she was running up against a wall, and then suddenly pushed through it. Her eyes looked to the periphery and she saw on her side, two red curtains were drawing apart trailing behind her. She must have just ran through them.

She stopped a moment, paused and confused. Her head was entirely empty, a void, like a sieve as Kamukura described it, there was nothing she could hold onto, no consistent motivation she could have. She could not even summon enough feelings to like or dislike anything in particular. Her eyes grew dull for a moment, then suddenly they sharpened and narrowed as if she remembered something.

That’s right. This is a library. I’m looking for a book. I'm late. I'm late for a very important date. Haha just kidding this isn't an alice in wonderland allusion, gotta get that book. Enoshima Junko had come here for Kirigiri Kyoko but almost as immediately as she had started running she had completely forgotten that purpose.

Just as she had forgotten her, Kirigiri Kyoko appeared at the corners of her vision. The library was not one floor, but many, lined with shelves after shelves. Staircases bobbed up and down, shifting between shelves. As Junko’s eyes trailed the horizon she could see great gears turning in the background, and long wires holding the delicate construction of the library into place, as if the entire thing was a hanging gardens.

One floor above her, Kirigiri was running. The moment she had appeared in this library she had been consumed with the same thought as well. I had almost forgotten it. I almost forgot to look for that book.Both girls in boots were desperately running with everything they had. Despite their being shelves lined up infinitely in every direction there was not a single book on any of the shelves. They were entirely empty.

I have to hurry or the brief light of the stars will die out. Kirigiri thought as she turned the corner and climbed another staircase.

I have to hurry or the moon will rise. Enoshima thought as she reached the top of a staircase and ran down another line of shelves. There were ladders rolling around the shelves seemingly moving on their own. If I don't hurry the night will melt me to shadows. Kyoko thought as she finally came to a stop, in front of a shelf with two single books on it.

Running form the opposite direction, Enoshima Junko arrived at the same time. The both of them immediately grabbed for the book, they did not look at or recognize one another. They both at the same time opened their own individual books and flipped through the pages.

Enoshima Junko’s book was empty.
Kirigiri Kyoko’s book was empty.

There was not a single thing written in either book. Izuru said as much earlier, that he pitied any author that would write a story around her, that would try to find a center in something of her devoid of substance, devoid of gravity, devoid of presece, empty, a void…Enoshima Junko stared into the book, her red nails on both sides digging into the white pages. This is me. A book without anything written in it. This is my story, nothing at all. I’m not a princess at all.
I’m just a witch.
I’ll melt.
If I cry, My tears will melt me.
I’m scared…
Scared of nothing at all, there was nothing at all for her to be scared about because she was entirely empty, because nothing of this world had substance to her. Yet, she acted afraid. She had the audacity to pretend to be afraid, to pretend that part of her was human enough to fear all the missing parts, to mourn what she was bereft of.

Kirigiri Kyoko simply dropped the book falling to her knees. She threw the book to the side not wanting to look at it anymore.
Junko suddenly slammed the open book hard against the wall. She pulled out a pen from the pocket in her skrit and wrote over and over again. Kumagawa Misogi. Kumagawa Misogi. Kumagawa Misogi. Kumagawa Misogi. Something to fill the pages. Even if it was obsession. Even if it was delusion. When she had finished filling two hole pages, she drew a sloppy heart all around the names.

Just as she had turned the page, a voice spoke up from above. “What an interesting reaction to that empty book..” He said, and then slid down one of the many ladders that were sliding back and forth. “It’s no good to violate the books you borrow from the library, my dear girl, or were you perhaps looking for a different book?”

“The Stranger by Albert Camus.” Enoshima Junko suddenly spoke without realizing it.

“Murder on the Orient Express, by Agatha Cristie.” Kirigiri Kyoko said, from behind her. Prompting Junko to finally turn her head and notice the other girl. Ah. She was here to find Kirigiri, how could she have forgotten about that. She looked down on the floor to see the black and white tiles had become replaced with pink and white, that same rabbit symbol repeating over and over again. Then suddenly a man wearing a white lab coat, with a paron pulled over it stood in front of her.

“Surely, you must have been looking for something important to come to this place. Even if I were to die trying, I’ll still assist you. That’s foreshadowing of course, haha.”

“What a weirdo…” Enoshima Junko muttered.“Books are important you know. There are two forms of consciousness, the kind that perceives the world, and the kind that makes sense of those raw perceptions and forms a cohesive narrative for your mind to understand. So, it’s wrong to say that fiction imitates reality, rather people write fiction according to how they already see reality. To people, everything is about narratives.”

“Umm… not that I hate random philosophizing but I feel like there was something I came here to do.” Enoshima Junko’s mind always functioned perfectly, too perfectly, she had never dealt with her brain being in such a fog.

Kirigiri followed along more readily.

“If you’ve forgotten it then I’ll help you remember. Assisting lost children, is the job of adults. Ah. Here.” He reached forward and suddenly on the shelf there was an empty book. “Here it is your story, the one you have sought.”

Enoshima looked at the nametag hanging from his apron. It read “Fukurou” she was pretty sure. An appropriate name for such an owl eyed man.Junko heard the sound of curtains receding again. Suddenly from above, two spotlights fell one on the spiky haired man, and the other on her. She looked up and saw that there was no ceiling on this library, but above them instead of stars there were stagelights. It was equally as glaring to look at however, so she had to close her eyes.

“There was once a girl like star or a black hole that pulled everyone into her gravity. A girl from which no light could escape.”
😈Flashback. A flashback is happening. A typical story, that day she met her childhood friend since at two years old. The childhood friends to lovers trope in action. That girl planned it from the moment she met him. 😈
Matsuda rushed in the rain holding an umbrella in his hand. His father was working late again at the clinic, and his mother had almost cried from the loneliness and worry. The only way he could make her smile was to promise to bring an umbrella to his father’s work for him. She was afraid if he came home late without an umbrella he might get lost in the rain.He ran as fast as his three year old legs would carry. There were a few adults in the way clogging up the street, and in a hurry to keep his promise to his mother, to make her smile he scowled at all of them wishing they would just get off the sidewalk if they were going to get in the way.

As he ran in the rain though and tuned out the rest of the world there was something that he could not ignore. He heard the crying of a young girl. He turned around and saw a girl had slipped and fallen in the rain and no adult had stopped to help her. Matsuda could imagine himself crying all alone like that, not a single adult able to help him. It was his worst fear.“Mukuuuuuuuro, you big meanie! You were supposed to bring me an umbrella! Where are yoooooouuuu?” She cried out.

Yasuke had no idea who this Mukuro was, but whoever she was it must have been someone she was close to. Someone she could not live without. Just like him and his mother. His father seemed to play the role of father perfectly, and yet somehow even at three years old he could tell there was nothing genuine about that man. However, Matsuda did not want to displease him either as it might upset mother.

He looked at his father’s clinic in the distance and the crying girl right in front of him and made a decision right then. He opened the umbrella over her head and held it above her to shield her from the rain. “It’ll be okay. Did you get lose someone important to you? I’m sure we can find them.”

Yasuke said, as he held out a hadn to her. The tiny girl, with red hair in small pigtails reached forward and wrapped her hand around his.

“Upupupupu, holding a boy’s hand.”

“Your laugh is weird…”

As they walked together, suddenly Matsuda walked around her carefully keeping the umbrella over her head the entire time, until he was walking on the opposite side of her between her in the road. “Don’t worry, even if the water splashes up I’ll protect you.” he said, before wondering about the scene he had seen a moment ago.”How come you weren’t with any adults?”

“Adults are just stupid you know. I’m two years old and I’m already smarter than all of them. I can’t even imagine getting that old without realizing the inherent futility of life, how stupid can you get…?”

“You say such weird things.” Matsuda repeated.

He spent the rest of the day with the girl, and because of that he was late to delivering the umbrella to his fathr. WHen he got there, that man patted him on the head robotically. As he listened to the story his son told him he interrupted. “That girl, she probably fell and tripped on purpose to get your attention.”

“No way, her knee was really scraped! She’s just a clumsy and kind of stupid girl”

“You shouldn’t trust clumsy girls like that. You don’t know what they’ll break. It’s too bad you were late today though, I wanted to introduce you to a special girl, but another boy came in and snapped up all her attention. That’s too bad I thought my son and the son of a close family friend might get along and play together.”Fukuro uclosed the book shut.

As he finished the story, Kirigiri Kyoko spoke up behind the two of them. “What about me? What about my story?”

Fukuro gave a shrug. He was trying to seem sympathetic at least. “Sorry but, unlike that girl you don’t have anything you could call a childhood friend. Those pages are blank for you.”

"There has to be something!" Kirigiri stomped her foot down.

Fukurou looked through the remaining pages. "Wow, you're a late bloomer aren't you." 😈 Flashback. I never allowed anybody to become too close then in my first year of high school there was someone who wanted to be my friend. 😈

"Can we finish this already...?" She sat in a library reading a book. This entire time, Makoto had been the one approaching her for every conversation. If it was getting close, it was entirely a result of their his efforts not hers.

"Huh...? Finish...?"

"If we truly want to trust each other, we must truly know each other. This is what you believe, isn't it?"

"Well... yeah, but..."

"I understand why you feel that way but... when it comes to me, I think you should probably give up."

"What? Why?" 
"Because I don't have anything to talk to you about."

"Does that mean... you don't trust me?"

"... If you get too involved with someone, you're apt to lose any good judgement. I learned that lesson myself all too well. Personal experience is a ruthless teacher."

"Personal experience?" Naegi Makoto took a step back, bringing his hand to his mouth. The boy looked terrified of the idea of hurting another person, or another person being hurt.

That day, she had wanted him to keep asking her questions. She had been trying to push him away with the opposite of intentions. However, that day he simply stopped and gave her space like she had appeared she had wanted to. She wondered, if Makoto had been more bold, if she had been more direct, what would have happened?

Probably nothing.

"It was a pure love you had for him don't you think?" Fukurou asked slamming the book shut again. "A natural relationship that grew from friends, to trusted friends, to lovers, except you never reached that last step. I bet if you had been the one to confess Naegi would have chosen you right away but you never confessed why is that?"

"Personal feelings get in the way of things."

"It seems like Kumagawa-kun is to blame isn't he? Ever since he showed up everything is backwards. Yours and Makoto's love is the natural love that should have blossomed between hero and heroine and Ikusaba is merely meant to be a sympathetic one sided tragic love, and now it's all been reversed."

"Don't... Don't talk about Ikusaba like that."

Fukurou did not notice the resentment in her voice. He merely continued from where he had left off.

😈 Flashback. Mom’s sick and there’s nothing to do. He begged and begged the doctor to do something. 😈X rays were glowing on the wall the only light source in the room. The boy was only in his second year of primary school, and yet he was begging desperately, putting his head on the ground.

“Please dad. I’ll do anything. You have to fix her. You’re a doctor aren’t you? Why can’t you do anything?”

“It can’t be helped. It’s because of the disease you know.”

“You already said that…” His voice squeaked in a pathetic whine.Then, the doctor leaned forward, his slicked back hair not moving at all even as he was nearly on the floor to whisper into his son’s ears. “That’s actually just a lie that the adults came up with. Their favorite words are ‘it can’t be helped’ It’s a euphemism for I don’t care. The truth is if I really wanted to save your mother I could, I just don’t. If the other adults really wanted to help you, you’d”

“D-dad?”

“I’ve already filed the paperwork. Your mom and I are splitting up and I’m taking custody of you away from her. You don’t have to play at being family with her anymore.”

“P...play?”

“You know like acting at a school play. Isn't it getting tiresome? I have to keep finding bruises on your body when I come home from working late, it’s better to just cut and run at this point. Oh, if we move away you’ll lose your one friend that’s true and there’ll be nobody to watch you when I’m working. Oh, I can just hire a babysitter or something. Don’t worry you’ll have other friends very soon. Lots of them. Come on.”

He held out his hand, but Matsuda refused to take it.

“Yasuke…? Do you want to be left behind? Come on, let’s go.”

After his father left, Yasuke decided to live alone with his mother. Even when her fits of rof memory got worse and worse, he took it all not wanting to leave that woman behind. He stopped attending school, stopped going outside.

It was like the whole rest of the world had forgotten about him. The only person who remembered knocked loudly, persistently outside of his door. “Yasuke-kuuuuun! Come to the park with me I want to build a sand castle.”

Yasuke opened the door appearing through a crack. “I don’t have time to waste with weird girls like you.”

“But you promised we’d build a sand castle! Where have you been lately, do I have to start stalking you or something?”

“Just leave me alone. I have to watch over my mother.” He said as he slammed the door in front of her face.

However, to the girl this was not a rejection. It was possible to the spoiled little girl who got everything that she wanted she did not even understand what a rejection was. A childish smile spread across her face as she whispered. “Chaaaaaaaance…”Fukurou closed the book again. “I’m beginning to notice a pattern in these. Perhaps one more.” He said as he slid the book off the shelf.

😈 Flashback. The rabbit hutch at school, the girl and her sister who’s always following in her shadow. 😈“Mukuro, you like rabbits don’t you…?” Junko asked as the two of them sat at the rabbit hutch behind school. Mukuro was surprised because usually when they were both assigned a duty together Junko pushed all of the work onto Mukuro and then went off to play somewhere else.

Her sister, not one for many words answered in a soft voice. “Yeah, I like them. They’re cute.”

Junko suddenly grabbed Mukuro’s hand. Mukuro flinched as her sister never got that close unless she wanted to slap her, or forcefully drag her somewhere. However this time her sister slid something into her hands and removed them.

Mukuro looked and saw a knife. The kind that the soldiers used in one of her favorite magazines. “I got you a present sis. Mom and dad forgot to get you anything for your birthday again, huh?”

Mukuro gave no response. She had never received a present before, especially not one from Junko. The knife trembled in her hand, but Junko had already moved onto the next subject. She danced over the rabbit hutch and then opened the top, and kicked one of the doors until it fell open. “Hey, Mukuro. If you like rabbits so much you should see what’s inside of them. I bet their insiders are just as pretty as their outsides.”

“I… I don’t want to. The rabbits didn’t do anything."

“God, you’re really gonna do this huh? I can’t believe I even let you play with me anymore, I gave you a knife, and I even played with you like you asked and you still don’t understand me.”

“I Junko… no. If it’s for you I can do it. I can do anything. I understand you! I do!” Mukuro drifted forwardd, she watched the rabbits hop helplessly out of the enclosure. One of them hopped near her foot just by coincidence. Her fingers tightened around the knife. “Sshsh… There’s a good boy. So soft, Come here.” Suddenly she crouched down, and dragged the knife through it, enough to spill out its organs inside out just like Junko had asked her too. The pure white was stained with blood red.

Junko smiled at her sister. “Make sure you take care of the knife. The fat will dull the blade. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anybody that it was you who killed all the rabbits.” Junko said, crouching behind her and watching, as her sister’s eyes grew duller and duller through the repettitive killing. She was simply repeating the knife techniques she had read about in magazines, a true prodigy when it came to killing.

Then, Junko had lied of course. She told everybody she could about how her sister had killed all the rabbits. Soon, a group of bullies confronted and pushed Mukuro down. They chanted liar at her again and again. Her sister was even further isolated, the only one she would have in the whole school was her.

Enoshima Junko had been planning to take it slowly from rabbits on up, but suddenly that night there was a burglary in their house. She heard noises, footsteps that sounded unlike anybody else’s footsteps in her house and then laid in her bed. If she simply died in her sleep because a man broke in and killed a beautiful young girl, she was sure that would cause a lot of despair. Even as the door to her room slowly opened she did not move.

However, the assailant quickly tripped. She heard  familiar set of foot steps, quiet, and unassuming a girl who only ever walked in a shadow. Then, she heard a noise that was so beautiful she was not sure Mukuro could have been the one making it. After that man tumbled forward, she heard the sound of a knife, entering and leaving flesh over and over again. Squelch. Squelch. Squelch. Squelch. It was a good fun noise, like somebody was playing with his insides like they were toys.

She pretended to wake up suddenly and even gave a fake gasp. Her sister had used the knowledge she had acquired in books to protect her from a person breaking in by murdering him.

The moment Mukuro had looked upon the body that had stopped moving more quickly than she had imagined, a strange kind of breeze blew within her heart.

Junko did not yell at her sister like normally, rather she suddenly threw her arms around her sister and pulled her close, all the while a body leaked red in the background. Mukuro stared at her sister, and the body, utterly transfixed and yet at the same time shakily waving between the two of them.

My cold and distant sister feels so warm. She's never held me before.  Why? What have I done? Is it the despair of death? Because I killed someone strong? Because I was strong for her sake. Probably not… none of that matters for her… but still. Her sister who almost never smiled to an abnormal extent, suddenly was smiling from ear to ear. “Hey, Mukuro like just now I thought of the perfect bonding activity, let’s go hide a body together.”Fukuro slammed the book shut once more.

Kirigiri asked once more. “Aren’t you going to tell my story?” She said, pointing to herself with her bare finger.

Fukuro shook his head again trying to look sympathetic. “I’m sorry but you don’t have a sister. Don’t you remember now?”

Kirigiri looked at her own hands. Entirely unharmed, the hands of a normal girl, open, warm, welcome, right these were not her hands. Perhaps she had something like a sister once, but that person had said this to her. You’re so cool. You’re a born detective. But maybe one day… you’ll start to doubt yourself like I do. If that ever happens, try to stay pure, the way you are now. I just wanted to tell you that one thing.  Fukurou reopened his book. "I suppose you do have something akin to a little brother." 😈 Shuichi Saihara, he follows me aroud like my shadow. There's nobody whose ever been there for me so much, but he too... 😈
The two of them wee walking along together, Shuichi walking behind her as usual. He seemed to be too timid to truly walk by anyone's side.

He put his hand on his chin gazing to the side. "Ah, Kirigiri. There's something that I've been meaning to ask you."

"...What is it?"

"You were a detective before you even entered high school, correct?"

"Yes... it's been years since I first entered this line of work."

"It's been that long? I thought I was young to start working as a detective... You're incredible Kirigiri ... I feel kinda bad now. An apprentice like me doesn't deserve to share the title of Ultimate Detective with you."

"But you're here because Hope's Peak Academy recognizes your accomplishments, yes?"

"I... don't know about that. I just solved a case by chance..."

"Be that as it may, you still grabbed hold of the truth and solved the case, didn't you? No one, not even you can deny that outcome."

"...."

"Others accept that you are a detective, and have also come to rely on you too. DO you think it's meaningless for people to rely on you?"

"No, that's wrong. It makes me... so happy to be helpful."

"Then I see no reason for you to compare yourself to me. Every detective is shaped by their motives, methodologies and case histories. That's why I believe I should always seek out the truth. By adhering to your methodology, you've earned accomplishments as a detective, haven't you?"

"That's true... I'll never forget that, Kirigiri. I apologize for having such a negative attitude earlier. Thank you for encouraging me."

He always followed her around like a loyal puppy. He listened to almost everything she said without question, but still she could not shake the feeling no matter what that he was putting her on a pedestal. That admiration of his was the same as the admiration for everyone around her had for her purity.

She said the right thing exactly when he needed to hear it. 
She was always right.
Being right had become such a heavy thing.That girl she had wanted so desperately to see her as a person, as a sister, had only seen her as a detective too. That was right. “I don’t have a father, or a mother, or even a grandfather. I was deluding myself from the truth… how unprofessional of me. All I have is being a detective, but… that's not cool.”

“You’ve got that right.” Enoshima Junko snickered from behind.

Suddenly, Kirigiri moved forward propelled by her emotions. She wrapped her hands around the collar of Junko’s shirt and pulled that collar, pulling Junko close to her face and forcing to look at her. “You have all of those people. You had a family that I didn’t. You had a sister who understood you. You had a childhood friend who would do anything for you. How dare you call yourself empty, you’re an insult to empty books like me.”

“What’s wrong? Are you mad Kirigiri-san?”

“I absolutely refuse to entertain the notion that some dumb blonde girl that talks like a thirteen year old on the internet was capable of ending the world all on her own. I hate you Enoshima Junko.”

“Awe but I looooooove you, my beloved classmate Kirigiri-san.” Junko said, playfully, with genuine affection in her voice.

Kirigiri dropped her coldly right there. “That’s enough of this. I’m not going to let you get your claws in Makoto, or Mukuro anymore. Even a murder suspect like Matsuda-senpai is better than you.”

“So you’re not going to sit around in this imaginary world anymore?”

“No, I’m your nemesis aren’t I? The next time I see you again, I’m going to stop you from mistreating any more of those people in the real world. Mukuro doesn’t deserve a sister like you.” Kirigiiri said. She pulled out a pair of gloves from her pocket, and pulled them over her hands. As she did, Junko could see the faintest trace of scars appearing on her hand, before she disappeared from this world.

“A natural born hero and a natural born villain, different from a manmade hero like Hitoyoshi Zenkichi, and a man made villain like Kumagawa Misogi. Isn’t it interesting?” Fukuro said, clapping his hands together in the background.

“Who are you anyway? Rando?”

“Awe can’t you enjoy this turn of events? You are unable to enjoy yourself from the bottom of your heart. It cannot be fulfilled. More than anyone, you do not want to be acknowledged as Enoshima Junko. Because being Enoshima Junko is an empty existence.”

“...Shut up, being Enoshima Junko-chan is awesome. Hash tag blessed.”

“So instead, you try to find your satisfaction in other people. More than others would. Enjoying them recklessly to the point fo sadism.”

“Have you come to counsel me?” Enoshima Junko chided in amusement. After that, Fukuro replied with a simple and pleasant ‘that’s right, before he added.

“You know I noticed a pattern in all of those people you attempted to influence. You were trying to make them more like yourself weren’t you? First Mukuro you tried to make into a despair sister, Matsuda you tried to make into your world, then the Ultimate Despairs but by that point you had lost interest. Perhaps what you really want is not self satisfaction. Isn’t it the same kind of person who can applaud the despair of others, the same way, from the same perspective as you?”

Then he stopped what he was saying, he smiled while giving a sigh.

“Well there’s no one like that. There’s no such person as Enoshima Junko. No other human being lives such an empty existence.”

He opened the book in front of her. The one where she had scrawled Kumagawa’s name over and over again. “But still, you can’t help what you desire right? You’re the kind of girl that’s absolutely true to her desires.”

😈 Flashback. People wear masks to watch fireworks festivals, but on that day he wanted to see my true face. 😈He tried to just walk away hoping that would be enough to make up for forcing her to play along with him. As soon as he took a single step though, claws dug themselves into his arm, and Junko pulled him back. He looked at her, eyes completely blank, not understanding as usual.

“To tell you the truth, I wanted to come here with you. I wish I could enjoy these things normally with you… but I… um… I… I’m a selfish and empty girl. That’s all I am, so, can you stay with me a little more? You are.. Slightly more interesting than fireworks.”

He looked at the red fingernails that were digging into the fabric so hard he felt them in his skin. Kumagawa immediately grabbed both of he hands, wrapping his own around them. Even if his hands were useless, even if hers were sharp and could cut him, they felt warm when he held onto them so close to himself. 『Everything you say, you contradict yourself a moment later., Enoshima I’m always happy inside when I’m by your side but… how much truth do your words hold… just where is the real you? I want to see her!』

Junko’s vulnerability from a moment ago, disappeared as fast as all her other moods did. She noticed how close their faces were. She moved so that they were even closer, only stopping when their toes were touching. “You’re way too close. You really do have no idea how to act around other people.”

『I’m sorry.』He said, weak and soft.

“It’s not your fault,” She repeated his own line back at him. “So, don’t move, okay?” On her own, Enoshima Junko moved to close the last remaining distance between the two of them. Her lips touched together as if preparing for something. They were close enough he could see the shade of lipstick she was wearing, the same color as blood., as well as every detail of her face. He liked the sight of it, but he wondered why she was getting so close.

When Enoshima Junko snapped back to reality, she was being tilted backwards, dipped by the older man like she was in a dance. “That’s the moment you began to fall for him wasn't it? Until that moment you had no interest in drawing close to him, he was just a thorn in your side, but then he became a thorn in your heart. Then it changed.”

“What changed?”

“Fate. The heart of a lonely girl. Perhaps you suddenly became his destined bride. Who knows, but the stagnant world began to change. Do you want to know? Do you want to see it for yourself?”

“Who are you? You’re not just some rando, are you?”

“I am. I am. I died before this story even began. This has nothing to do with me.”

Those words that Ryoko always repeated. How did he know them.  The library around them began to dissolve into pixels as he tipped her forward. He too, began to lean forward towards her.

“Do you want to hear a tragic story? A man set up a thousand domino pieces and died of a heart attack before he could tip one. The dominos remained completely in place.”

“Absolutely despair inducing.”

“That’s why, I hope you’ll watch for me. Watch what will happen in the real world from here on out. I hope it will be a future that you do not expect.”

As he said that he finished leaning to close the distance between them, but at last moment Enoshima Junko stopped him, placing a red nail on his lips and inhibiting his progress.

“No.”

He simply smiled like it was his reflex response to everything and let go of her, letting her fall because the floor had already dissolved away into pixels.“Goodnight, sleeping princess. When you wake up in the real world, say hello to that foster daughter of mine. She’s the sentimental type so she might even remember a ghost like me.”Enoshima Junko fell.
An empty book fell off the shelves.
Even if it fell open on its spine and its pages were blown away by the wind, absolutely nothing would be lost. That was what it meant to be empty after all.

Her cellphone fell out of her pocket and fell with her. When it landed on the ground it began to buzz. She immediately woke up, after having fallen asleep on the floor of the library. Before she could even regain her bearings, Izuru’s dull voice was speaking in her ear.“What happened to you Enoshima?”

“Dunno, I can’t really remember. It was like a dream within a dream.”“We don’t have time for your vague thematic nonsense.There was no outside interference, it must have been a random phenomenon.”“A ghost in the machine?”

“Something like that. You know Ensohima there’s something I wanted to ask you. What if Kumagawa-senpai is simply ignoring you, what if he doesn’t want to wake up from this dream.”

“That won’t happen. I’ll see you again Misogi. You and I are connected by M.”

“M…? Marriage? Murder?”

“No. That which ties the three of us together, all of us fakes, and makes us a real family. We’re connected by Mukuro.” 😈 In the real world, Izuru had woken up, and then as quickly as he could stripped off the dive headset and gear that enabled them to dive into the depths of the program as their real selves and not simply artificial intelligences.

After all, creating a second Enoshima Junko as a computer program had started this mess, he did not want to try it again, and Enoshima Junko had become absolutely obsessed with this recovery project. She had dug her red talons deep into it, and absolutely refused to relax them.

He rushed down the hallways of the deserted basement they had made their headquarters to hide from the rest of hope’s peak. Far above on the surface normal classes were probably resuming. The snow was melting and the world continued to spin ignorant of them.

He ran down the hallway so fast, that he nearly ran into Mukuro who was carrying a box. She stumbled backwards and let the box fly out of her hand, only for Naegi Makoto to come and catch it.

“Lucky catch!” He said with a pleasant smile.

“My apologies…” Izuru said as he ran down the hallway.

“Wow, he’s much more polite lately. I can’t tell if that’s the Hajime or the Kamukura in him.” Mukuro said with a head tilt, before looking back to Makoto. “Hold that more carefully Makoto, it’s important! Actually, just give it to me your arms are too weak.”

As she snatched it from him, Makoto gave a whine. “Yes, yes, ma’am. Do you have any other orders?”

Izuru finally made it to Kirigiri’s isolation room. As usual Saihara Shuichi member of the 79th class whose semester had already begun, was skipping school in order to sit by Kirigiri’s bedside and read her the novels she loved so much.

“Saihara, did you see anything suspicious?”

Shuichi suddenly turned around nervously. “What? Did something go wrong? Is it my fault? Should I not be here…?”

“Ah… no, it’s fine.” Izuru wondered what he had said to set the other boy off, it seemed impossible when he usually spoke in such a neutral tone. “We got some strange readings with Kirigiri’s recovery, we thought there might be outside interference. I already checked the program however and there were no modifications, and no sign of a break in either.”

“I… I’m sorry I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Shuichi pulled his cap over his head, obscuring his face. “I’m sure… if Kirigiri were here and I was the one who was trapped she would dive right in to save me, like a big sister that always protects me but without her around I’m so useless.”

Hinata recognized the boy’s own spiraling sense of self esteem, it was familiar and yet different. He wanted to hold a hand out, but… he hesitated and turned away. “She’ll be waking up soon, I promise. Everybody will be back together and then we can all go back to that school. That’s all that matters.”

That was all that he was focusing on. He shut out the entire rest of the world to focus on this. As he walked back through the hallway, he stopped to see that Ikusaba Mukuro and Naegi Makoto had stopped in Kumagawa’s isolation room.

He peeered through the doorway with a single red eye. Mukuro and Makoto were both holding party poppers and at once they pulled them and confetti exploded into the air.

“Happy birthday!”
“You’re uh.. Twenty now, or is it twenty seven? Mukuro how old is he I don’t want to be rude.”

“It doesn’t matter how old he is. He’s still my younger brother.” Mukuro said, as she opened the box she had been carrying and guarding so closely. There was a cake with words written out on it in frosting. Kumagawa Misogi. We’re glad you were born.

Makoto took a spoonful of cake early, impatient and hungry like a normal teenage boy. Mukuro however, moved to Kumagawa’s comatose body, a helmet completely covering his face, except for his hair which had grown long and shaggy. She reached for his hand and squeezed it. She had been doing that every day, like a loyal puppy, walking to his hospital room again and again squeezing his hand and waiting for him to wake up.

Just like Hachiko.
I hope it doesn’t end like the story.
Jeez don’t be so depressing me.
I’m sorry about that me some observations are hard to control.  😈 『I’m in despair! I didn’t get any screen time this time around at all! What despair!』

“What are you whining about this time senpai?” Ryokai said, lifting her head up to look at the middle school classroom they shared together.『Even though I’m everybody’s favorite character, I barely got any focus.』

“I don’t think you’ll ever be anybody’s favorite character, but at least you’re a lot of people’s least favorite character.”『You’re really an optimistic one, Ryokai-chan. Not like Junko at all.』Kumagawa laid back and curled his body up once more. He let his eyes fall closed. 『I feel like sleeping again, Ryokai-chan.』

“Why should I help you?”『I’ll stop making so many annoying noises if I’m asleep.』Unable to sleep, Kumagawa turned over again and brought his hand out from underneath his head. He stared at his empty palm for a second, his eyes dulling in confusion. 『Hmm… Feels warm.』

If only there was someone to hold his hand until he fell asleep. Except, as a child nobody had ever bothered to do that for him once, no matter how many times he cried himself to sleep, or was kept up by starvation or nightmares, so he was entirely unfamiliar with the sensation.『These hands of mine look so empty.』

“...”『What were they for again?』

“...”『I’ve been down here so long I’ve forgotten.』

“...”『What if I forget how to be human next?』

“...”『Haha just kidding. I never knew how to begin with.』

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

You really thought you could be happy.You forgot that everything in this world has a price to pay.Good luck can only exist if there’s bad luck.Hope can only exist if there’s despair.Happiness only exists because there is misery.You used to be able to understand this. You used to see the lines that everybody else was able to live their lives blind to. You used to wonder why everybody else could not understand something as simple that something needs to be sacrificed in order to advance, in order to become happy one must endure misery first. Hope must defeat despair in order to triump. No matter how many times you tried to explain it to them you could never understand why they looked at you with such confused faces, they looked at you like you were cruel, for saying something so obvious, so simple, so fundamentally true about the world.They called you a liar for stating the truth that you had observed over and over again in life. That hurt didn’t it? So, why are you acting just like them now? Why are you acting like you’ve forgotten?That child whose hair had faded so far away from red it only had the slightest touches of pink slowly rolled his head to the side. He could not remember how he had fallen to this place. All he remembered was a sharp noise that came out of nowhere and a crack. He looked to the side and saw there was a white dog next to him. However, for a moment he did not even reocgnize it as a dog it’s insides had been torn apart so terribly, and dragged out onto the concrete by the wreckage of the truck.Komaeda reached forward and tried to reach out for the dog still. He wondered why the dog had been hit instead of him. If it had been him at least he would not have to stare at such an ugly scene, he would not have to go on living in a world without the dog. He had no friends at school or home, the only companion who ever seemed happy to see him when he walked home from primary school was the dog who came happily barking at the door. He thought he had so many clever thoughts and little observations about the world, there were many things he saw on a daily basis that he thought was wonderful but he had nobody to share these ideas with than the dog. He wanted ot learn to talk to others, but all he had was that dog to talk to. It didn’t respond like a human would, it didn’t communicate like a human would, so he had long spiraling conversations with himself. Still, simply to have one being in this world that wanted him around was enough to make him smile. But now he was all alone, there was nobody to listen to him, nobody to greet him at the door as he came home. His fingers still tried to reach towards the dogs twisted and gnarled corpse, his weakened hand trembling as he suppressed his nausea. An ugly, ugly sight, why did he hate such ugly sights? Because they looked painful.“He got hit by a rival companies moving truck. Because of that we were able to sue them for a large settlement. It’s actually lucky we gained so much and all we lost was that dog.” Oh I get it. He turned his head around and no longer was he lying on the ground next to the dog. Instead he was in a hospital bed, listening to hushed voices discussing his situation. His hair was bundled back by the bandages that were tied around his head, he had one large gazue pad on his cheek. He almost wished his face had been smashed in, then they might have been able to do reconstructive surgery, to give him a face that looked ore human.“Huh, well looks like it.” Because my dog died, my parents are now even more wealthy. It was a good thing. “Again and again. The fortune is like a twisted rope.”
I’m happy. I’m really happy. I did a good thing for once instead of causing them trouble. They won’t get mad at me, for making the come to the hospital again, for making them pay those bills, for having another one of my accident.
Fortune is like a twisted rope. Even though he tried to appreciate the good fortune his presence had brought, he could not help but be fearful that one day the rope which arbitrarily twisted back and forth would twist around his own neck.When his parents offered to buy him another dog he told them no. He was a child that could go without. Without what? His mother’s good looking face. His father’s confident and charismatic personality. His parent’s eyes on him. The time that everybody else in the primary school could waste playing, doing silly things like building sand castles. He did not need any of those things. He already knew just by existing he was driving his parents into trouble with his ‘accidents’, with his constant trips to the hospital, he did not want to make it worse. He barely talked in class, at head he lived with his home down.Someone who just sits back and watches, because they do not even try. Because they’re afraid to try. They could be better if they wanted to, so they must not want to. Just as Komaeda was trying to let go of the idea of being the child of his parents, he could just be a guest in their household, or a good charm to them if his presence was ruining their happiness, he looked to the side and saw blood splash in his face. The forms of his parents which had been happy a moment ago were now lying in front of him gnarled and twisted.He did not even cry as he saw their faces caved in. He did not shed a single tear, he simply kept staring forward at them. When he was found by rescue workers, they found it odd that a single child was among the wreckage, standing in one place, staring. I can’t run away from the cycle of good luck and bad luck. Perhaps somebody better than me would take this curse and turn it into a talent. Their luck would help them become a hero. But I’m someone who doesn’t try to do better. I can’t run away from this world. I can’t do anything but watch. He could live without the love of his parents. He could live without his parents. The money was left in his name as the only heir. His only regret was that his parents did not have one more child, then they could have at least experienced raising a child that they loved, and having a child who loved them in return. However, if he had a brother or sister they would have died in that accident too. Perhaps he would have even wanted it to happen because he resented them for being loved and favored in his place.That was the kind of terrible child he was. He resented others. He looked down on them. He was taken care of by a staff employed at his house but they were always impersonal and formal. He went to school only a week after his accident and it was the same as always. He could only stand back fro a distance and watch the crowds walk away from them.He reached out for a moment, realizing how empty that house would seem now that he had no parents, now that he had no dog, now that there was nobody who wanted him around. He reached out with careful fingers as if trying to grasp something transluscent and not entirely there like light. Because I’m trash. The image of his mother and father’s mangled face flashed through his eyes.He withdrew his fingers, curling them up and placing them against his chest.He turned his head around and was watching through a window instead. Boys were outside playing soccer. They were loud enough that he could hear them faintly even from inside. He was always glancing at things from the side like this, from a comfortable distance. It’s fun watching others. A soccer ball flew wild and hit a girl in the face. The girl cried and her friend yelled at the two boys. However, a moment later the four of them were getting along. Their friendship was strengthened, because of the fight they had, because of the tears they shed. They were strong enough to endure such things unlike him.
Everybody else goes through their cycles of good luck and bad luck too. They endure bad things and overcome them so good things can happen. I don’t even try to overcome those things, I don’t try to be better, I just watch and wait.
“I always see this child alone.”“Because he claims he doesn’t understand others.”“Don’t you know? He’s like a faerie boy, he doesn’t look like his mother and father and bad accidents always happen around him like magic. I wonder if he was replaced in the cradle.”“So basically you’re saying he’s inhuman? Isn’t that mean?”“If he thought of himself as the same as everybody else, he wouldn’t isolate himself.”The only place his feeling of constant aloneness numbed was when he was sitting in the red seats of a movie theatre. Usually, everyone was too involved with their own stories and he who was not a part of any of them could only view from the outside. However, in the audience of a movie theatre, everyone was the outsider watching somebody else’s story unfold on the screen. Even when he sat alone in the rows of seats, chomping on expensive snacks he enjoyed it. It seems in this world. Everybody wants the same thing. Everybody is reaching out for the same hope. Hope is everything that’s important and precious. Everybody wishes to be happy, hopes to be happy but it’s also fundamentally true that not everyone can achieve happiness. The reason with obvious. For good luck to happen, you have to pay with bad luck. The deeper the despair, the more splendid hope shines. He watched in amazement as he the couple he was observing onscreen embraced each other in such a romantic ending. The reason that that their embrace was so beautiful was because they had suffered so much despair, in order to reach tis beautiful ending. They experienced heart break, before their love was finally returned. As I thought there’s a price to pay. If I’m the one that has to pay it I have no regrets. Once I was kidnapped and faced the despair of being murdered alone in that basement. My only regret was, my survival did not inspire hope in anybody. I didn’t overcome that trial. I didn’t even try. I just sat and waited like always. Until he got tired of me and just gave me back. My victory didn’t give anybody hope. I was always just getting lucky. That’s all it was. But it wasn’t too bad because even the useless me was able to watch others do what I cannot. The film being projected onscreen changed. Now the setting was spiral high school, a rich private school for elites. The ideal place to observe the best of the best was Hope’s Peak, but there was no way he was getting into that place. The main characters were the school basketball team, they were working hard to reach nationals this year.In the bleaches there was Nagito. He clapped his hands together far too enthusiastically. “Wow! Amazing! All of your hard work will pay off for sure, in a brilliant victory that will inspire the whole school.”One boy caught the basketball and stopped to stare back at the only boy sitting in the bleachers. Technically it was an open practice so anybody could come and watch, but he was the only one that showed up every single day. “What does he want…?” the faceless boy muttered.“Gross…” Another boy joined in.“Why is he watching us? So annoying. Those look like dead fish eyes.” The faceless boy said back.Komada watched one of the boy’s take off his shirt and wipe off his forehead with it before tossing it aside. A girl who was late to watching the practice just walked in at that moment, and giggled shyly, holding her hand over her mouth.Suddenly, Komaeda was viewing a scene straight out of one of the romantic films he watched. People in love are so very interesting.After that, the boy who had said he had dead fish eyes came to him one day after practice. The girl who had suddenly been late to watching practice now came every day just like Nagito did. The boy took Nagito aside, since he was always watching others.
I’m not sure why but the people who usually turn that nose up at me, sometimes ask me for advice. Another boy on the basketball team asked me to finish a paper for him. That one asked me what I think about his form.
He did not consider himself smart, his grades were good but he had taken too many sick days to qualify for any kind of honor. THe people who were really brilliant when it came to school would be able to be smart even if half of their study time was taken away from them due to their dwindling health, they would not need to study as much as he did. However, he had an outsider’s perspective and he was always watching others and because of this he grasped their underlying problems right away. He did not particularly like basketball but he was able to explain to the boy how he was shooting the ball wrong. He offered to help tutor the boy so his grades would not get in the way of his real talent basketball, and on that day the boy who said his eyes looked like a dead fish’s, asked him if the girl who was watching him practice had a crush on him. I don’t mind helping them at all. They’re really generous allowing me to be even a small part of their shine. Besides, young people enjoy talking about love. Sometimes people ask me of all people advice about their love lives. That way I can watch love stories unfold one after another. “Komaeda-kun…”That faceless boy who had once said he had fish eyes several weeks later appeared in front of him, and put an arm between him in the locker pinning him there.“Umm… while I kept going to you for advice on that girl who watched me practice every day, I realized I… the one I kept returning to, the one I really wanted to see watching me was you, I fell in love with you.” What the heck? An actor falling in love with a member of the audience? What a letdown. That’s not what I want. I want to sit in the audience and watch the story taking place on stage. I must protect my front row seat. “You’re nowhere near the star of the team. In fact you’re lucky you haven’t gotten benched for how poorly you’ve been doing lately. Why would I be watching some untalented hack who only got into this school because of his parent’s money like you?”“Komaeda-kun…? I just… I was trying so hard lately, I wanted you to see me. So I got overzealous and screwed up.”“I don’t see anything in you at all.” Komaeda said with a pleasant smile. He slid away from the boy’s hand that tried to surround him, and when that boy desprately grabbed onto the jacket he was wearing over his uniform, he ripped his arm away.The next week after that he kept watching basketball practices but the boy was no longer present. Apparently in the middle of a game he had thrown out his knee in such a terrible way that it would probably never recover again. It was just an unfortanate accident, somebody spilled energy drink on the court and he slipped on it. Not even in the middle of a game. Apparently, since he could not recover he was going to lose out on his sport’s scholarship and his chance to shine in this school. Komaeda gripped his head, watching all of the noise of the court gave him too much of a headache. They had been getting worse and worse lately.He turned his head away from watching the basketball team practice and saw he was in another room entirely. He stared at the wall and saw x rays of his head hanging there. There was a growing mass where his lymph nodes were supposed to be. Malignant, like his entire existence. He did not need to dwell on this memory for too long.He turned his head away again and he was sitting back in the theatre. A pale hand reached forward, it looked like the hand a shinigami would use to pluck out the fire from a  candle. The hand stole some pop corn from the buket he was holding.“Isn’t it cruel that you threw away your one chance at love and immediately after this happened, and it made you realize how important love was. It made you realize you were going to die without love.”I said.I noisily chewed the popcorn as the scene playing in front of us changed.“It wasn’t cruel, not at all. It was just indifferent. The bad luck happens, and then the good. The lantern continues to spin in front of your eyes whether you want it too or not.”If you had anybody to complain about you should complain to yourself. It’s not that others did not love you, you did not even try to be anything worthy of their love. You did not try even once to get close to others, you just suddenly got deseprate when you realized there was a time limit.Kirigiri Jin folded his hands in front of him. Komaeda had stopped wearing his school uniform, and stopped attending spiral. He would not have left the house, and nobody really went after him. I guess it can’t be helped. He heard the whispers back and forth. However, a letter had come in the mail.He walked all the way there to tell them no in person.“I want you to enter Hope’s Peak Academy.”That man said as Koameda sat across from him. His still, deathlike face, pale from the treatments he had been half heartedly giving himself suddenly became alive and flushed with red. His face fell forward, trembling with emotion. “Sorry for being rude, but this must be a mistake.”
The good luck I experience will become bad luck. I can’t deceive them. I can’t even be said to possess a worthless talent like luck.
“Only one student gets chosen every year right? I don’t want someone like me to take away their chance.” If I go to this school. If I let myself experience that happiness something terrible will. Kirigiri Jin, the man who lived amongst talent somehow looked at Komaeda like they were the same in that moment. Komaeda realized something incredible. That man is looking me in the eye. “I pity you. Ordinary people who don’t possess talent always look in envy at those who do. It’s cruel asking you to come here but… we will research your luck in great detail. We can quantify it in great detail and seek to understand it.” Understand…? Ah this man. Kirigiri Jin. He held the name of the great clan of detectives but he was not a detective in any right. He was a man who should have been born to talent, but was born without, and now he spent most of his life chasing the spectre of talent, the untalented man who thought he could nurture the talent of children at this school. “I’m sorry… until now nobody’s every understood me. It’s impossible isn’t it…?”“It’s not impossible.”“I’m unneeded. I’m trash.”“Listen. You’re not trash. We need you at this school. You’re the only student that’s proven demonstrably that luck exists. If you come here and allow us to study you, then your luck can become a symbol of hope." “A symbol of hope…?”“At this school we believe talent can overcome anything. What we want is to create a talent even stronger than your luck, that's why even you will be an important part of him too." Kirigiri Jin held out his hand.When his parents had died. When his dog had died. When he had been told in that cold hospital room, by a faceless doctor with slicked back hair and an emotionless voice, accident after accident and he never cried. Enduring all of that despir could not bring tears to his eyes.However, being told there was hope he gripped his mouth and felt tears running down his face before he even realized it. He had no idea how he felt at the tie. Because those hands of his were hiding a smile on his face. He smiled and cried at the same time, feeling everything at once.Then slowly he let go of his face, he stopped trying to conceal it, he reached for Kirigiri Jin’s hand. However, he was unable to grasp it. He could tell there was a brilliant light shining in that hand he just couldn’t reach it.“How many times are you going to watch this movie over and over again? You’re talking about looking to the future, looking for hope, but that’s a lie you’re firmly fixed on this dull sequence.”I grabbed the side of his face and readjusted his vision so he could not look away.“Because you’re always averting your eyes, you’re obfuscating, you don’t grasp the point. What kind of observer are you? It’s all you’ve ever done and you’re still bad at that.”He did not even struggle against me. His skin was so clammy it felt sickly to touch.“You were happy when Jin said they were going to take a part of you weren’t you? Because you knew if some part of you entered into the final product they would be defective. What you wanted… it wasn’t to witness ultimate hope, or even to experience love like a normal person does. What you wanted was the same kind of person who can applaud the hope of others, the same way, from the same distance as you?”Onscreen, I watched the happy face of a spiky brown haired boy who was staring up at Hope’s Peak in utter admiration. Suddenly, his face was erased away from the screen leaving nothing more than his silhouette, he looked like a shadow puppet.“Well, there’s no one like that.”Nagito Komaeda came onscreen again. He was sitting on the edge of a shore, the waves rolled back and forth. THat island where everything began. That island where everything ended. Nobody remembers why they were brought to this island. They don’t remember that this was a trap. Nobody but me… why do I remember? Everytime I came across trouble it was just fine if I was just an observer.He remembered in spiral highschool watching one boy bully the other. Rather than feeling pity for the boy, or even the need to stand up for the boy getting beaten all he thought was.
I wonder why this happened. It’s probably because he has no hope.
He thought of Zenkichi who promised to do everything he could to redeem him. Who even split up with his beloved Medaka to stand up for him. He thought of Medaka who trusted him immediately when he approached them with a way to rescue both Kumagawa and Junko’s egos. He thought of Tsumiki Mikan who had been attending to Kumagawa’s unconscious body every day. They were just starting to get along as real classmates, because Kumagawa had appeared suddenly and stopped the destruction of hope’s peak. Let’s see… Hope’s Peak was saved and I met Medaka and Zenkichi that’s definitely good luck. So this had to happen. You can’t just erase the consequences of the killing game happening. Because that means erasing the hope that would spring forth form it too. So my good luck came and then…. After walking around with Hinata all day, he had made sure to check that nobody on this island but him remembered why they were here, that they had agreed to entire this simulation. He crouched down low on his knees and crossed his hands in front of his face as he gathered those thoughts. He looked like he was praying, begging some desperate god.After all in the old days, people would slaughter lambs like him as sacrifices to try to bribe the gods for good fortune. Luck should bring hope without exception. Medkaa and Zenkichi will overcome this, we won’t be killed. Ah but… Didn’t I just say this is the bad luck that needs to happen? Wait…” His eyes narrowed and began searching around fantically, beads of sweat fell again and again from his face. How many times did my bad luck take effect? Lately it seems like it’s been nothing but bad luck… I can’t… Am I losing track? Junko and Kumagawa committing suicide is good luck. The world is better off without them. No, losing Kumagawa is bad luck. No it’s good luck because they didn’t die they were somehow miraculously still alive when they washed up. I don’t… I don’t remember anymore. Hey, hey, is this good luck or bad luck…? His hands folded in front of his chest as he felt a deep holloweness inside of it. His face was red, and he had no idea if he was doing it to himself or he was having another attack of his sickness. Either way he slumped forward, trying to look away from the situation he was in. He had walked into the cage willingly, but now he was beginning to grasp the bars around him. The bars were they the borders of this island, or were they the bars he had set for himself? Those black and white values, good luck, bad luck. The rules of the game is that nobody can make it off this island without dying. Somebody will have to die no matter what. Why… Why is this happening? Isn’t it strange? Wasn’t my lifespan shortened in exchange for the hope fo meeting everyone? He courched down lower and lower, bringing his hands over his ears and attempting to shut everything else out. How long have I… How long have I been counting sacrifices? Isn’t that enough, already? Unless. Luck needs despair. Hope needs bad luck. Luck needing despair means, hope’s death. That’s why there’s ore despair then there is hope? If you find the person with hope… If you like someone who’s important to you and give them value. Then the bad luck is inevitable. Luck will bring nothing but despair. All that you declared as hope is destined to be destroyed. Everything called hope will eventually turn to despair one day when the coin flips again. It’s… It’s my fault isn't it…? Suddenly he broke away from the small shadow he was attempting to hide himself in and looked up at the sky above him. Even on this island, there were one thousand dazzling points of light. Such a beautiful sky was shining down on this island and at this moment where he saw nothing but darkness it was still illuminating him.He looked up stunned into the sky, his eyes trembling. There was light. There was definitely light in this world. It was just too distant, too far away, because he was a distant person he could not reach it. That’s it. Wherever I go I can’t escape it. I whispered into his ear. “See, stop looking at the past. You play it over and over again in your head, a non-ending refrain, but this is the only moment that matters.”Nagito Komaeda silently stared up at the sky transfixed by the beauty of it all. Then suddenly he ran forward into the water itself, thrashing about, wishing to drown. He kicked up splash after splash, and threw his body around wildly. He could not remember ever moving so much or making so much noise in his life.“Why, why, why, why, why!!!!! Why am I always the reason? This is a joke! Did I do something wrong? Why only ever me!? Why!?”He fell back to his knees hoping the water would rise a little bit higher. Hoping it would swallow him up and never make him have to face the reality that he was the traitor that lured them there. It was alright if they found out later and decided to regret ever meeting him, if they forgot about him after he was dragged to sea, he just did not want to face it in this moment.“Only hope… I have nothing but hope. Don’t take hope away from me! Why… why am I always the one who has to be responsible for hope’s destruction?” He had decided to betray the all so that they could overcome this situation, but as always he left a foot in a door, as always he could not be in the center of things, it was too heavy, too tiresome. “I have enough. I don’t need anymore. Why is this hapepning…?” It’s because you were born lucky. You are at your limit. You were tired of watching, so you did something on purpose you caused the bad luck on purpose. Now everything is because of you. Isn’t that good? He stared at his reflection in the water. Now that he had stopped kicking it about the water settled and he saw another Komaeda looking back at him. He wondered what that Komaeda’s world looked like, what the Komaeda who stared up at him thought. He felt sorry for putting on such a poor show. You’ll be responsible when bright hope appears at the end of this. You can’t say it’s just luck anymore. It was your beautiful betrayal that brought it about. If absolute despair destroys everything. Then you just need absolute bright hope that destroys everything as well. Everything. That’s despair. Will be killed. He saw Kumagawa staring up at him from the other side of the water. That was the other boy watching him from the side of the pond staring up at him. He thought for a moment and realized if despair would be killed then that person would be killed as well. The person he had constructed this game to save.Komaeda picked up a stone around his feet and threw it into the water, smashing the image in front of him.A wide smile spread across his face. “Ahaahahaahahahahahahahaahahahaha.”The thought of destroying Kumagawa’s one chance at happiness.He laughed, and laughed, and laughed.“Serves you right! Ahahahahahahahaha! I’m lucky after all! I was so childish before for doubting myself! Because there will be a victory for sure! Everything that’s been taken from me will finally amount to something! This is amazing! All you poiled brats that were born with talent are finally going to be useful! If this had not happened you would have just continued enjoying your normal school lives not caring about the world at all! You had to be forced to care! How does it feel! Now you feel what I feel! Hahahahaha! Serves you right! Serves you right! Serves you right!” This is it. I’ve dirtied my hands. I’ll become a sacrifice to make up for what I did betraying everybody. It’s not a crime then. From that hope will be able to be born. Finally, my luck has meaning. Meaning…? What meaning does it have again? “See, all that matters is that one moment. This is the choice you’ve made. This is the person you became. You can’t listen to the past’s refrain forever, you have to look at who you are.”However, in that moment he looked away from me.He’s still looking away.He threw me away in order to try to achieve happiness.There are two forms of consciousness. Two selves.The perceiving self and the narrative self.He threw me away his narrator. The one who always worried about good and bad luck.Because of that he became senseless, all he can do is react, all he can do is perceive without thought.He threw all of that away to try to achieve happiness.But no matter what he will never find happiness that way.Because the narrator of this story is the person who hates him the most.“Look at me.”I asked, but he did not.“Please, look at me.”I begged. But he had already walked stood up. I watched him as he walked out of the theatre. The red curtain closed behind the two of us.“I’m lonely.”He already forgot the sound of my voice before it even reached his ears.  😈 Komaeda Nagito’s eyes shot awake. He saw lights glaring down at him from above that looked like stage lights, but they were nothing more than the lights of the library blurred by the tears of his eyes. My eyes are… watering? Why…? Did I have a sad dream…? For some reason he had a strong feeling that whatever he had dreamt was not even worth shedding a single tear over. He had already forgotten about what he was dreaming about by the time his eyes peeled open. However, in his dreariness in the morning he immediately noticed that there was somebody in his face blocking his view. His whole world was shaking. No, he was just being shaken. He looked to see and saw Fuyuhiko’s hands on his shoulder, shaking him back and forth with worry.“Kirigiri suddenly passed out and they had to rush her to the hospital, I was so worried, so worried that you too…” Fuyuhiko mumbled, his eyes were closed hard and Komaeda could see he was trying to hold back tears by shutting them so forcefully. You shouldn’t waste your worries on someone like me. Komaeda thought, but for some reason he did not say it. He did not push Fuyuhiko around like he usually did. Instead he reached up and clung to the edge of Fuyuhiko’s sleeve.“Please… can I stay over at your house for the night?”“Dude I’ve invited you over like a thousand times and every time you make an excuse, and I know it’s not because you’re afraid of the Yakuza. The one time I managed to get you to stay over it was because I hauled your unconscious ass home.”“I know, I’m sorry I just… If I take my eyes off of you I feel like you might disappear.” Komaeda murmured, perhaps he still thought he was dreaming. Oh, the irony of that statement. I can barely keep narrating with a straight face.Komaeda was weak from his fainting spell. He had been so frantic in his search for Kirigiri he overworked his body and passed out, that was the official explanation he was given. At that moment Fuyuhiko said nothing more, nor did he comment on Komaeda’s weakness. He merely grabbed Komaeda’s arm and hauled him up. It was easy, like lifting one large doll onto his back. Komaeda seemed to have forgotten how to move his own limbs at this point.After Komaeda had been pulled snugly onto his back and his arms wrapped around his neck, after he was sure he was not going to let go Fuyuhiko finally spoke up again. “You should talk. You’re the one who always seems like he’s going to disappear.”Disappearing suddenly, it was more harmful for those who were left behind than the ones who died. Worlds were small and fragile things made up of a few people for most people after all, if they disappeared it was like a sudden entire chunk of your world went missing.Komaeda had been wavering back and forth, but after all this time he thought if he could prevent it he would never want to see Fuyuhiko in pain like that. Even if he was a ghost floating around, not interacting with things, letting everything pass through him easily he still would not want to see Fuyuhiko cry. If that were playing on the screen he would walk out of the movie.Time passed again that Komaeda simply drifted through passively, and suddenly he found Fuyuhiko was trying to pull his vest over his face.“Hmmm…? What’s happening?”“It’s caught on your hair dude. Have you ever seen a brush in your life?”“Just once, but then my hair ate it so I avoided all brushes since then in fear that I’ll just destroy them.”“You know you act all polite but you’ve got an even smarter mouth then me.” Fuyuhiko said as he finally wrestled Komaeda’s sweater vest free from above his head.Komaeda stumbled back and then realized where they were in the Kuzuryuu compound. They were right outside the bath. Fuyuhiko had decided to take a bath with him to get his temperature stable, apparently he was suffering from terrible chills when he fainted.Reality was playing at too fast of a clip for him. It was overwhelming him, exhausting him. Usually he would say no to bathing in front of someone he did not want to expose his ugly and misshapen body, but at the moment all he could think of was how the bath water would relax his joints. For a boy who was basically skin and bones, a walking skeleton he was a poorly designed skeleton at that. He was sure there was no cartilage anywhere on his body and that was why he ached so much.Komaeda did the rest himself, unbuttoning his shirt slowly. He even took the time to fold it because he hated messes still, and did not want to make anything in Fuyuhiko’s life more of a mess than it already was.Komaeda was the first to lower himself into the bath. He was not sure what he had expected, because the water brought him no relief at all. There’s probably nothing in this world that can. He thought before correcting himself. It’s just a bath calm down a bit. Kuzuryuu Fuyuhiko settled in the waters next to him and looked over his shoulder for a moment. “Jeez, some guys have all the luck.”“Umm… it’s just the water. It distorts the size of things.”“Are you calling me small then?”“No, your attitude makes your presence larger than life.” Komaeda said as he held out his hands in surrender between him and Fuyuhiko. He wondered why Fuyuhiko had invited someone like him to bathe in the first place, he could have just taken turns bathing alone.“You look like you’ve got something on your mind.” Fuyuhiko said, as if reading his mind. “Like your head’s all fucked up, moreso than usual I mean.”“More than usual…” Komaeda repeated in a quiet voice. He liked how straightforward Fuyuhiko was, and how plain spoken because it meant Komaeda often did not have to wonder what the boy was thinking like he did with others. On the other hand the boy did not hold anything back at all. “It’s… a mess, even if I explained it I don’t think you’d understand, and things would just get more messy.”“So what? You think my life’s note a mess. I’m basically a teenager trying to run the yakuza alone with his sister. I’m under constant threat of being killed.” Fuyuhiko said as he set the katana he was holding to the side of the water.“Yeah, I was going to ask about that. Did you really need to bring a katana into the bath?”“Where the sword goes I go.”“Still, it’s something I should talk over with senpai…” Kumagawa said shrinking further away. Even though they were both naked right now and there was no hiding from one another he still did not want to be seen.“Well he’s not here so try me.”He had to keep these thoughts to himself. He had to keep to himself. He could not ask anything from anybody, because if he did not repress himself somebody would get hurt. Somethin would happen that he could not take back.All he needed to do was wish a small amount, and receive a small amount of happiness in return. That was all he wanted, and yet that seemed to be asking for too much. “I’m really scared. I think… what’s happening is my fault. I invited it somehow.”Fuyuhiko looked at Komaeda. “Why the hell would it be your fault?”“Because I got close to them. I was afraid if I got close to others, they would get caught up in this bad luck that always haunts me. It was so much better when I was just sufferin alone.”Fuyuhiko observed the way Komaeda trembled. Even in the warm bath, he seemed completely devoid of warmth. He wondered if it was Koameda, or if it was the world that was so cold and Komaeda was just the one who noticed it. Perhaps this world was frozen, perhaps this was a world of ice, but others could delude themselves into thinking it was warm if they huddle close enough. All except Komaeda who had always been alone.He reached his hand forward towards the boy. Their hands were overlayed for just a moment, and then Komaeda quickly pulled his away. “You’re very scared of initial contact aren’t you?”“Well we shouldn’t hold hands, we’re not even married yet, Kuzuryuu-kun.”“Hey, hey, don’t make fun of me! I’m not that much of a fucking prude!”Komaeda looked at his own thin and sickly pale looking hand. As he opened and closed it, he tried to give form and words to the thoughts that were swirling around inside his head, and causing his eyes to spin slightly too, like clouded skies before a storm. He was always thinking about it, it was always so obvious and apparent to him and yet when it came to expressing it. “You led men in the Yakuza in the past, I’m sure occasionally because of mistakes you’ve made people have died, yes? You’ve probably even killed people that didn’t deserve it.”“Yeah…”“You admitted that pretty easily. I’m saying terrible things about you, you know Kuzuryuu-kun. A murderer is a terrible thing to be, once you snuff out someone’s light their dead. A corpse can accomplish notihng, there’s nothing interesting about a corpse.”“I’m not gonna lie and pretend to be something I’m not.”“Do you regret meeting those people? If you hadn’t met them, they wouldn’t be dead.” Komaeda said. He was not trying to be harsh either, just state what was in his head as straightforwardly as possible.“I don’t regret getting close to them, no. Even if it was my own fucking weakness that killed them. Guess that makes me a selfish bastard then.”Komaeda sunk further into the water, his hair slicked with the steam from the bath falling over his eyes. “What if… you had an important person, somebody you could not lose, and you forgot about them because the idea of getting so close to someone you would constantly be afraid of losing them was too painful for you.”“That’d be regrettable, because no matter what you’re gonna lose them right? If you lose them and forget them that’s a pretty sad fucking story, pointless to tell, but if you remember them at least there was a purpose.”“What if… because of meeting me, your life was thrown into misfortune? You lost what you couldn’t afford to lose? I don’t think a few happy memories would make up for that.”“Dumbass. How many times do I gotta say.” Fuyuhiko glared at him. In that moment, in the raw energy of his glare Komaeda felt especially naked. “Even if meeting you was bad luck I don’t give a shit. I’m already in hell who cares if I get dragged a little bit further.”“Friends drag each other into hell, what an optimistic point of view from a yakuza.”“Oi, shut up. You know maybe you think you’re strong on your own but pushing everybody away to prove you can stand tall on your own is a child’s way of protecting theselves.”“Kuzuryuu-kun. How do you know that?”“How do I… What…?”As Komaeda looked at him, Fuyuhiko looked back at the sword. He was always holding onto that thing, but it was just an inanimate object. One could not really hold a sword. One could not love a sword. This was not durarara after all.Before he could think too much about it, he saw the light reflect off of Komaeda’s white hair and was puzzled for a moment. For some reason he felt like he had stared at the back of a head covered in white hair over and over again. Always cowering behind it like a crying child. Komaeda got closer. “The truth is I had somebody like that once. Somebody who did not regret meeting me, who was happy just to have me around, who never asked anything for me, and I… I… I forgot about them.”He saw tears welling in Komaeda’s eyes. Fuyuhiko did not say anything. He did not even bother to lecture Komaeda for being unmanly. He did not know who Komaeda was crying over, but he felt glad that boy who always smiled like he was on the brink of tears finally let some of them go. Komaeda who had been afraid to even touch his hand a moment ago, threw his arms around Fuyuhiko and burned his head in the crook of his neck. Fuyuhiko only  tried to flatten Komaeda’s hair with a few awkward pats to the head saying nothing.“Komaeda it’s okay because I think I… I think I forgot about something vitally important too. Damn, what kind of man am I? I’m the lowest of the low. I don’t even deserve to be called Yakuza scum anymore.”There was a person who was vitally important to him.A person who was like his other half.A person who had been mistreated and used as a tool, and yet never regretted meeting him.Never regretted the bloody life she led up until this point as long as she walked by his side. Those days were like pure light. So why… why did I… Why was he holding a sword? Swords could only be cold, they could only kill, only a human had any warmth at all, only a human could protect.Fuyuhiko held Komaeda until he was finished. Koameda shed so many tears he was sure that the bath was overflowing at this point just from how much salt water Koameda had added. That boy was an ocean’s depth worth of issues, but just this once Fuyuhiko thought it was nice to be relied upon.😈When Komaeda had finally dressed in a robe and walked out to the porch he saw Natsumi waiting for him with an annoyed expression on her face. He had poured some tea and tried to offer her a cup, only for her to smack it out of his hands.“Umm… this is your house but that’s no good, you broke it.” Komaeda said as he knelt down to look at the shattered pieces on the ground. He tried to touch one only to cut his finger. As he sucked on the wound he remembered why most people avoided broken things.“What do you care? You’re just some rando that imprinted on my brother and follows him around all day.”“I don’t think you’re wrong but… I don’t think Kuzuryuu-kun likes how overprotective you are of him.”Komaeda thought a moment after he said it that it probably would have been better not to say anything as Natsumi immediately turned her angry gaze at him. “Shut up already! You don’t know a thing! Nothing can ever take my brother away!”“Is this…. Is this about the terrorists?”“It’s not that. My brother’s the super high school gangster. He’s the one who deserves it not me. I gotta live up to the title to protect him. Really, I would have been happy just being the super high school level big sister but if I was that…”“If you didn’t have talent…?”“Yeah, if I didn’t have this talent I’d be useless to him. He wouldn’t need me around. You know how the yakuza is, only the strong survive the weak get left behind. Not on my watch. Screw that.”Komaeda thought of Fuyuhiko constantly saying that he wanted a weak person, no a weak and ephemeral existence like himself around. “He probably doesn’t care if you’re strong or weak. He probably just wants you for you.”“There’s no way! Shut up, what do you know? My brother deserves the best and that includes all of the people around him! Do you know how much it pisses me off that you get to cling onto him all the time without earning it?”“I… I can imagine. I have a fairly good sense of imagination if nothing else.” Komaeda said neutrally. Even if he did not know precisely how he made other people angry, he had observed it again and again, that his existence just seemed to agitate them. He had so many missing parts that he reminded others of the missing parts in themselves.“I want him to be proud of me. Not looking down from above.”Komaeda had the feeling he had heard those words before. That Natsumi had confided in a main character like this, who could only passively watch her. However, he had not been the person she was talking to at the time.There was no way he could ever get that close. He had to have been watching from afar, watching and wondering why two reserve course students were making so much noise.Suddenly Fuyuhiko arrived. “Oi, Komaeda where’s that tea? Natsumi, how many times did I tell you to stop hazing Komaeda?”Komaeda laid two cups down in front of the two of them.“It’s too bad we don’t have any booze to split.” Fuyuhiko said. “We could have become brothers.”“You already have a sister. I would just be dead weight.”“Hey, what’s the sky look like right now?” Fuyuhiko asked.Komaeda shrugged and then looked up above. He saw it again, a million pin pricks of light, a million hopes that he would never be able tor each. Dazzling, dazzling, far off into the distance. “Nothing, it’s just a regular sky…”“You’re usually more poetic than that.”“Well maybe I wasn’t feeling it today. You know Kuzuryuu-kun…” He looked back finally and lifted his cup. “We both live like we’re always walking on the borderline of death, we always have to be aware of it more than most people are… I always talk like I’m normal, I always keep saying there’s nothing extraordinary about me but… It’s only around you that I’ve ever really felt it. “A murderer and a god of death.Peacefully drinking tea together.Then suddenly, Komaeda felt something that tasted foul like poison pass his lips, and went numb. His body fell over like the strings had been severed, his face crashed into the plate.“Sorry man, but you’re right I felt normal around you too that’s why… I was wrong, I shouldn’t keep dragging you into this bloody revenge business.”“...Fu.. yuu…”“Were you trying to say my name? That’s the first time you’ve called me by my frist name. Unless you were trying to say fuck you, in that case fuck you too…”That was all he said before he left. Komaeda tried to reach after him. He wondered why he had to live this over and over again, feeling his body be powerless and being able to do nothing but grasp at the silhouette of a person leaving him.It was like grasping at the curtains as they fell on the stage, entirely pointless, the red velvet would only fall from your hands and it would do nothing to stop the show from ending.Fuyuhiko picked up his sword once more, ready to face curtain call. 😈 Hinata Izuru had been sitting on the top of the old middle school building. Half of it was being torn down for reconstruction. Kumagawa was sleeping in one of the few abandoned rooms.He had been pondering the irregularity in the proramming and what to do next. By nature he was reactive, not proactive like Junko. However, he wanted to prevent any kind of event like that from happening in the future.These last three being extracted out of the program were the ost delicate. He would not forgive himself if he failed Peko with rescuing Fuyuhiko, after everything Pekoyama had done to take care of him. She had thrown away her own chance at happiness and tried again and again to help him and Komaeda worked things out.In every timeline that she survived at least, which was the vast majority of the rounds. However another part of him was simply enjoying the breeze blowing at his hair. It was nice to have short hair again even in the virtual world. From this high up he could watch the slight differences in wind currents. He liked high places. Though he doubted this would last for long.Suddenly from below he heard a shout. “Hey, dickhead!”There it was. It seemed peace of mind was just unsuited for him but that was fine because peace was boring anyway. His red eyes narrowed and the red squares around him flickered back and  forth. “Right on schedule.”“You got some balls laying a hand on my friends! You’re gonna regret not killing me when you had the chance.”Izuru stood up in one smooth motion, and then without hesitation jumped from the highest point of construction landing on the ground. “You’re finally fighting alone? Isn’t it too lately to pretend to be manly, Kuzuryuu.”“Who are you…?”“Wouldn’t you rather somebody else be holding a sword in front of you than trying to hold that sword on your own?”“I asked who the fuck you are? Do you not have ears! I guess it makes sense because you’re a dickhead that you wouldn’t have any.”“I…”“Because you see instead of your head it’s just a dick.”“Yeah I got it.” Izuru felt his entrance was totally ruined, and kept his even gaze on Fuyuhiko.       “The world… Destroyer.”“World destroyer? What are you some kind of edgy emo prick? Loser your head up there in the clouds?” Junko is the one who came up with the title not me. Ugh, why is she slacking off again. The fact that Junko had stayed this serious until this point was in and of itself a miracle and perhaps the saying went beggars could not be choosers, but Hinata had decided to live with all his choices, therefore he was going to make the choice to be ungrateful and constantly complain.“Was it truly you who killed everyone?”“From your perspective that would indeed be the case.”“Why would you do such a thing?”“In order to destroy… this world.”  Hinata called out, from across the great empty plain of the construction field.“Why them…?”“Because they were your friends. His friends are his world, the who didn’t matter, any of them in any order would be sufficient.”“You’re just a damned terrorist with a dozen loose screws.” Fuyuhiko’s childish features twisted in anger. He drew out the katana and threw the holster aside, pointing the sharp end at Hinata. Even though there was quite some distance between them, he possessed such a murderous glare he looked like he could cut through that space in a second. Well he’s not wrong about the screws loose part but… Hinata did not react at all to the threat, even if it was his friend and Peko’s precious person threatening him with violence. He was simply too distant from others at this point. He had decided though even if it was far off, he wanted to follow the faint star of hope in the distance. Sentiment had outstripped his expectations a tiny bit.“This world doesn’t have Pekoyama Peko in it. Isn’t it worth destroying?”“...What.”Suddenly, memories came flooding back. The time they were kidnapped together Pekoyama held his hand the whole time and she even tried to smile, but he was just an ungrateful little brat who had blood splashed on his face and cried.The time they went to the zoo together and he got into a fight with the king of the monkeys because it tried to throw trash as Peko, and he did not regret at all that he caused a bunch of trouble because he saw Peko for once smiling naturally without thinking of it at all.If he could be the reason she was smiling like that, he thought he would finally be enough as a man.The time Natsumi died and Pekoyama tried to offer to take his revenge for him. He told her he would do it on his own, that he did not need her. For one moment he suddenly threw himself on her, resting his head on her chest. He would never forgive him for that moment of weakness, for needing to be comforted by her.Every day after that he pushed her away further and further. He wanted to become a man worthy of her. He wanted to be someone who stood at her side, not someone who walked ahead of her while she followed in the shadow.He remembered all the times he had to clutch her hand, while cowering from the loud fights his parents were having.All he wanted was her, to be by her side, not as a tool, he just needed her.Then, why was he still here? Unlike HItoyoshi Zenkichi he could not unhinge himself on the spot.It was not a sword but a girl that was always by his side. He had wanted to live for her, they had always been together since they were children, but he had failed to understand her.Both her and his sister, because of that… Natsumi is dead in the real world. And I forgot about Peko. Even if I were to die a thousand times I’d never be forgiven. Fuyuhiko fell on his knees in front of Hinata. Their manly duel between men had been settled without a single blow being exchanged. Even if he wanted to disappear though, the shame of having failed those two women held him in place. Peko might forgive him in an instant but he could never forgive himself.It was complicated, it had become too complicated between them, even though it was supposed to be sweet and simple, a childhood friend romance. Even though he always kept in his heart, the memories of the times they sat on the porch of their classical style hole and then he managed to coax the always serious Pekoyama into playing with him in the garden and he pushed her over and she started to laugh… even if that memory was there now that they were grown it had become too complicated. The strings were crossed, knotted, the puppet could not move.“Don’t you think it’s about time you make up your mind about what it is you want, Fuyuhiko? You say you want to be strong on your own, but all you wanted was to be by their side right? Or… are you satisfied with just doing nothing and never moving on from your loss? Well, I guess that’s also an option.”“...”“I can figure out the general permutations of events very easily, so I can say without question there were several options you could have taken where your sister and Pekoyama both would have lived. Your story took the most tragic turn possible and it was due to your own incompetence.”“What are you fucking saying…”“However, that does not mean happiness was impossible to begin with. There was always a chance for you to have worked things out with your sister, this world… it may be a delusion but it’s not an impossibility. I can understand why you clung to it.” This is just… This is just another version of the same story. Does that mean that… In that version of the story, you wouldn’t have to die? He saw the back of his sister walking away from him. His sister that had only wanted to be the best for his sake.“I… I…”If he went back on his words now.After he had told Komaeda that he did not regret meeting him even if it led to loss, then Komaeda would really go on living believing there was nothing in life but loss. That he should just avoid others because all he could do was take from them.If he could not accept the reality that he had lost, and…That there was a chance that he could have become happy.That he should not lose sight of that chance.Fuyuhiko punched the side of his face hard. “I didn’t need you to tell me. I knew it already. Speaking as if you know everything… Guys like you really piss me off. That image of my sister, she really must be a memory, she can’t be a ghost because if Natsumi could see how pathetic I was acting right now…” Fuyuhiko after hitting his face hard again, wiped the stray tears that had fallen from it. “She'd break an ungrateful brat in half until I stopped half assing everything.”“I just pissed you off… I thought I was speaking from the heart.” Izuru lamented in an emotionless voice.“Don’t worry, I get along better with idiots that piss me off like you, Komaeda and Zenkichi then I do with guys who don’t offend me.” Fuyuhiko said, smiling pleasantly at Kamukura tears still rolling down the side of his face before he finally gripped his katana again and drove it straight into his stomach.“Fuyuhiko! That’s dangerous you could just leave of your own free will.”“Nah. I had to… This is the only way a violent guy like me can think to pay back the debts I owe…Damn guess I can't call Zenkichi an idiot anymore.” Fuyuhiko held out a hand to Izuru. “P..,hone please. I have an idea to lure him out, because that idiot always does the opposite of what everybody else tells him to do.” Blood trickled from the corner of his lips.Suddenly Komaeda was awoken by the cell phone Fuyuhiko had left behind ringing. Even though his whole body was numb, he reached forward to grab it desperate to hear the voice of his friend again.“Good, you’re safe…” Fuyuhiko’s voice came out on the other end of the line.“Kuzuryuu-kun.”“Please… listen carefully… There’s not much time. The man who murdered all of our friends is after you.”“What…?”“He has short hair and red eyes.”“Where are you?”“Listen, you made the correct call. You wouldn’t stand a chance against him. You were right to run.”“Hey, where are you?”“Nagito, don’t blame yourself. Even if this story is a tragedy instead of a happy one like you wanted, I don’t want to rewrite it, because it’s the story where I met you. An utterly... human story... to tell with a god of death and a murderer.”“Don’t blame myself…? For what…? What’s that supposed to me…?”“I failed.”He heard the phone get dropped on the other side, and then picked up again. Somebody was berathing, he was quiet for awhile and then he spoke in a voice lacking any inflection. “Am I speaking to Koameda Nagito…?”“Who are you?”“The world… destroyer.”HIs eyes narrowed as suddenly, images flashed before his mind. He saw a boy with brown hair, pixelating out as if he was glitching out of reality, behind him a beach with water splashing back and forth. One day that boy with no remarkable features had washed up on the beach and he had held his hand.Then the next moment the boy was rushing towards him and threw himself over the flames. He saw a spear descending from above, about to fall on him as planned but the boy threw himself over and the spear pierced through his gut instead. As he watched the flames flicker back and forth, mouth taped shut, he wantded to scream and throw himself into the fire for what he had done, for the holy being he had desecrated with his unclean hands.Then there was the time all alone that swords were driven into his back. His body had not gotten up and walked away after that. He felt terrible wounds in his back, a phantom pain. Perhaps he was still pinned down there and his ghost had simply left his body and begun to dream.“Has your world crumbled yet? Have you remembered me yet?”“Huh…?”“It would seem not. How unkind of you.”“What are you talking about?”“There’s nobody left around you but I suppose your world just consisted of yourself to begin with. Then, that’s fine. I shall proceed until it has. Even if that means destroying you. One by one. Piece by piece. I will tear it down. I will offer no mercy. I will spare no one.”“I’ve heard enough!” Komaeda felt anger for the first time in a long time. Genuine anger. Before he threw away the phone. The next moment he heard the sounds of a message being sent.He opened it against his better instinct, and saw Fuyuhiko’s bloodied body sent to him over a cellphone picture.This feeling, this feeling, this feeling what was it? It welled up inside of him right now, it was entirely too familiar but he had felt he forgot the name. What is this feeling, this awful feeling that ate away at him and seemed to grow infinitely by devouring his insides like a cance. Ah. So this is what despair feels like. He said as if being reminded of an old friend.In the back of his head a voice was laughing.My voice was laughing.A clown was laughing.“I told you it was impossible to forget me.”😈 Outside of Kumagawa’s door, a hand hovered over the handle. Enoshima Junko hesitated before simply barging in again. Her face reddened as she recalled the memory of their time at the fireworks.Ever since then, huh…Perhaps she was the oblivious one.Even now she had no idea what Kumagawa was feeling, merely her own desire to stomp over all his feelings to get what she wanted.Enoshima Junko wondered, she truly wondered when she had started crying over broken and lost toys. This was a whole new kind of despair, but as exciting as it was to discover it also numbed her down. It made her hesitate.Taking advantage of the hesitation, Ajimu Najimi appeared out of nowhere and wrapped a hand around hers pulling it away from the door. “Yahooo, Junkoooo-chan.”“How are you even in here?”“I can be wherever I want to be. Do you want me to be in your shadow again?” Suddenly, Enoshima Junko’s shadow doubled in size and took on the silhouette of Ajimu Naimi’s long hair. “Do you want to go inside that mind of yours? It’s rather empty so there’s plenty of room for-”“Haven’t you gotten in my way enough lately?”Every time Junko wanted to be alone with Kumagawa, suddenly Aimu appeared. She wrapped herself around Kumagawa in the hospital bed he was laying in, her white robes fluttering and surrounding him like he was in a cocoon.“I’m just trying to spend time nurturing my underclassmen. All I want is for you to be happy, Junko-chan. That’s my latest impossibility.”“If you want me to be happy then please die a gruesome death right where I can see you.”“Alright, then I’ll be sure to die offscreen where you won’t see it at all.” AJimu said as she crept closer to the other girl. “Hey, hey Junko do you regret meeting Kumagawa-kun? It’s because of him that you’ve changed so much, you got declawed by me after all.”“Of course I regret it. It’s the worst thing that ever happened to me, not a single thing has gone right in my life since that day.” Enoshima Junko said, her eyes hopelessly lovestruck, a childish smile of glee spreading across her face. “It’s absolutely wonderful. As long as Misogi exists, everything around him will be thrown into chaos and things will remain interesting. The rest of the world, and even myself were just boring but he’s… the only interesting thing.”“Oh that obsessive streak of yours is so moe, Junko-chan.”“You sound like an old hag trying to be hip.”“But you know, Kumagawa-kun and I were like that in the past but… that didn’t satisfy either of us at all. I could live in a world that only consists of you, it sounds like a nice romantic ideal but it doesn’t align in reality, because we only had each other we started to resent each other.”“Yeah well I’m not the worst like you, so like most things it’ll be better when I do it.”“Anyway let’s talk about teh animes, Junko-chan.”“Don’t misspell things on purpose to sound cool! I know you’re like a billion years old but is your brain stuck in the 2000s?”“Nobody wanted to talk to me about anime, because nobody else was as big of a nerd as you so I had to go teleport here and find you and interrupt your important mission.”“I’m not… I just read anime academically, it’s an important part of our culture… or er I do it ironically, shut up okay? Shut up!”“Anyway, you know Haruhi Suzumiya? I’ve always thought about this. Why don’t they just tell Haruhi that Espers, Time Travelers and Aliens exist? Wouldn’t that solve all her problems?”“Wow you really are stuck in the early two thousands.”“Quit complaining Junko, in 2005 you would be about five years old so the same age mentally as you are now. Anyway, the reason they didn’t tell Haruhi is because it wouldn’t make a difference. Sure, maybe she’d be enertained for a few days and go on an exciting adventure, but… after awhile she’d grow used to the existence of Espers, Time Travelers and Aliens and shed grow bored of them too. There’s just no helping easily bored girls like that.”“What are you trying to call me Haruhi? You’re the mary sue with the god complex, leave me out of this.”“Even if Haruhi learned she was god, I doubt it would make that much of a difference to her. No matter how many times she created and replaced the world, she’d never find one extraordinary enough for her liking. It wasn’t the world she was bored with, or the insignificant people around her, the person she was bored with…”“Was herself?”“Ding ding. You’re finally learning Junko-chan. Now then, why do you think Kumagawa-kun can’t see you on the other side of this door?”“Because… even if we’re together, I’ll just do the same thing again. I’ll hurt him again. As iconic and marketable as I am, I’m basically a one hit wonder.” Enoshima Junko’s chest hollowed out as she leaned back against the door. “He’s just bored of me, is that it?”Because Kumagawa Misogi had suffered enough pain was becoming boring to him.On the other side of the door Kumagawa Misogi picked up one of the bright shining candies that looked like a marble and held it in front of his eye, looking to Junkai in the corner of the room.『Candy is so sweet but it dissolves way too quickly, just like happiness. Living for happiness and living for candy are both equally futile.』“Yes, hello you’ve called 1-800-did-I-ask?” 『Come on talk to me. Nagito-chan hasn't visited me in awhile. It's lonely...』"He was probably scared away by the fact that you're a terrible person. That's what my supreme analytical abilities tell me anyway."『Hey, Ryokai-chan. You’re the one who controlled reality when we wee in the game, so you’re probably the best authority to ask on this. Did Nagito-chan’s luck really exist.』“Hmmm...Probably not.”『Oh, that’s going to be disappointing for him to hear. That’s probably better though.』“Why…?”『If luck was real, then Nagito-chan would be inhuman. But he’s not. Nagito-chan’s just a normal boy. He was shaped and formed not by something as fickle as luck, but by the people around him. He’s an entirely human work.』“You’re always so generous in believing others to be human but never yourself.”『I don’t have time to be a human being, because  I’m too busy being a clown after all.』He flicked the shining candy ball forward and knocked several others offer the table. 』“I guess you would think that when your whole life is a joke.”『Still, even if it was a delusion I don’t think it was a bad thing when Nagito-chan believed in his luck. Hope. Despair. Friends. Everybody has some delusion they fill themselves up with, everything but me. When he was able to go forward clinging to that delusion, trying to strive for that ideal he was a lot more beautiful.』Kumagawa reached towards the ceiling. He could see the stage lights off in the distance. He reached, reached for them but he knew it was futile. 『It’s dazzling you know...』“Huh, what is?”『The light. Everybody can see it. It’s so dazzling, everybody has a chance to reach it but me. In the past I thought I could even though I was so much lower than everybody else, I kept thinking I could catch up but...』“But…?”『That dazzling light it’s still out of reach.』He looked at the image of Junko in his mind. Her smile fixating on it like a star in the sky. Even brighter than a spotlight on stage. 『If I was never going to reach it right from the beginning then why do I have to see it?』“Probably because god hates you as much as I do.”『That’s fair enough I guess.』Kumagawa stopped reaching and finally rolled over. 『As long as I'm in here, I can't be hurt and I can't hurt others.  I was always hated I was never welcome in that world to begin with.』Kumagawa’s eyes froze as he let another piece of candy pass his lips. 『This candy is way too sweet.』 He then looked at the remaining pieces he had sitting on the desk with him, and hit them hard with the broad side of his arm scattering them. They hit the floor and bounced into each other, and rolled in many different directions because of their interactions but Kumagawa had already turned his head away from watching because it was all nonsense. On the other side of the door, Ajimu Najimi simply leaned against it smiling like a cat at Junko. “Or perhaps that is what he’s afraid of. Do you know what it’s like, to get your face ripped off Junko-chan?”Enoshima Junko wished the world to end precisely at that moment.However, just once the world did not go exactly the way she wanted it to.The world continued to spin.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“There's an easy solution to your problem. You should just kill her."

Kumagawa sat on the edge of his bed of desks, his shoulders hunched over like he was supporting the sky of this virtual world all on his own. Even though that was a metaphor and an allusion to greek mythology it was not far from the truth. Kumagawa was one of those ugly children that would have been thrown into tartarus by his father after all.

“What you love was the future Junko made you see. She's a flower adorning your journey. If you kill her you can escape from here."

The empty room they sat in, empty because Kumagawa had thrown away everything others brought to that room, the gifts that Anshini’n-san harassed him with, the blankets and bandages that Mikan had brought for hi, and the bento boxs all were gone and the room was devoid of substance except for the white cloths which hung around every piece of furniture making it look like the realm of the dead However, even those started to fall away, thrown about carelessly, billowing, rustling like a fresh breeze had blown through the room. The candy that had been left littered around like jewels, glowed as a piece of light made its way into that room a place where previously no light was able to reach. It refracted again and again, before hitting the single piece of round colored candy that Kumagawa held in his hands and then glared into his eye. Still, Kumagawa did not stop staring down at his hand.“I'm saying this because I hate you, you shouldn't stay here anymore. I've given up on escaping to the real world or being the real Junko, but if you kill her at least you could be free and stop annoying me.”

Kumagawa Misogi picked up another piece of candy, one black and one white and crushed both in his hands slowly and thoroughly. He curled his fingers all the way into his palm one by one to do it. When he finished he uncurled them and stared at the broken pieces, the shards of black and white mixing together. Then suddenly, the candy was no longer candy. It was fake candy after all in a world of delusion, it could be anything he wanted it to be. He stared at two crushed cherry blossom petals in his hands, and looked around to see the whole room littered not with candy but cherry blossoms that had fallen away. The white sheets had fallen onto the floor, revealing the dust and decay of the room finally. This room was definitely where the cherry blossoms that were blown away after clinging to their trees for so long went to die.Still staring into his empty hand, Kumagawa finally spoke up. 『Is that all?』“....”  Junkai slowly reached for the paper bag covering her face, and dug her pointed nails into it, sliding it off of her head. There were bandages wrapped around her face, but she slowly started to unravel those.『Is that really all you have to say?』Kumagawa moved to stand up, letting the torn up cherry blossoms fall out of his hand. He grabbed the chain that had been connected them instead. As he pulled on it, several more chains fell into the room. It was not a single point, but rather an entire mess of chains, knotted, and overlapping endlessly that had connected them. Yet, Kumagawa was able to break the links apart instantly, letting them snap like string.Junkai looked at the shattered remnants of chains at her feet, throwing her bandages away. Kumagawa raised his foot and kicked over one of the desks that made up his bed. Then the other, until they were all upturned on the floor. He kept stomping onto there was nothing but wood and twisted metal pieces left on the floor and even then he did not stop for a few extra.『I’ve had enough of you, get out.』Kumagawa had already turned his back away from her, he dug his hands to his pockets and walked out the door without looking back.

The two of them were both lies. A fake existence, an artificial human being who had been copied off another person, and a person whose entire personality was fake, a lie, rewritten again and again to suit him for the moment. There was no way the two of them could ever get close.  As he left she tore one more white sheet off of a piece of furniture and revealed a mirror. Finally, she could put her make-up back on she could resume her mask. However, she hesitated for a moment seeing something red falling from the corner of on her eyes. “Good bye. Good Morning.”As Kumagawa walked down the hallway, his shadow extended far behind him. Not one, but many screws were driven into his shadow. At the neck he looked like frankenstein with two bolts driven into him. Not only that but the screws were still moving, still turning in deeper. With every slight turn of the screw, his shadow glitched out, only to return a moment later.Even though Kumagawa was completely calm, his eyes fixated forward, hands driven into his pocket and walked each step without any hesitation at all, his shadow was shaking and acting separately from him like it was crying and writhing out in pain.

He walked down a hallway with several windows on both sides. The windows were cracked and broken, some of them having most of the glass missing, but there was enough shards of glass pointed and sharp around the edges for light to reflect off of them. As he walked forward, in the reflection of those glass windows his own face distorted into Ajimu Najimi’s. He could see her watching him again and again appearing in the rows of successive broken windows from his periphery vision and did not bother to turn his head.

“Hey, hey, Kumagawa-kun why are you continuing this anyway? Are you trying to atone for locking me away in a box in your heart for three years.”『...』

“Well it’s enough don’t you think it’s already been seven years, you were punished for twice the amount of time.”『...』

“Are you trying to suffer for the sake of others again? The reason your palm is so empty is you’ve driven screws into it so many times, now there’s only holes left.”『...』

“Are you trying to play the hero again?”

『...』

“Did you fall back on playing the villain?”『...』

“Nobody wants you to lock yourself away in here you know. Well, maybe the vast majority of people would agree that’s a better option for someone like you but the people whose opinions matter to you don’t think that.”『This is what I want though..』“Do you feel bad for overusing All Fiction? For erasing the consequences of your actions too many times? Do you feel like you cheated, that you should have died by now?”『It’s not like I want to die.』

“You’ve given up on living as well.”『Mm, I guess I did.』“Are you pretending to be grown up? Is that it? All you did was sit in that room all day and spout pseudo-intellectual wisdom, pretending you were guiding Komaeda-kun. However, being aloof and distant like that, always dreaming and staring at the stars that’s a child’s idea of maturity. In the end you did what you always did, you tried to handle all the pain on your own until last minute and then you threw a tantrum and destroyed everything around you.”『I suppose you’re right, you know me best after all.』

“You’re pretending like you’ve grown and have moved past pain, have stopped feeling things, but really you’re just repressing yourself the same as ever.”『Well that might be true but… the reason I always stayed the same before was All Fiction. I erased the consequences of my actions and therefore I couldn’t grow. I stayed unchanging. That’s why you gave me that power isn’t it? You wanted me to stay immortal and young forever, like Endymion under the moon.』

“...”『It’s rare for you to be silent Ajimu-san, you run your mouth just like Junko. The difference this time is because those 52 rounds weren’t erased, I learned something finally.』Kumagawa finally stopped walking. He turned his head around slowly, to see Ajimu was not in the glass but rather standing right next to him, she reflected at the center of his eyes taking up the entirety of the world from his perspective.

Her eyes were glaring low, a shadow of her usually happy and pleasant looking gaze. “What did you learn?”『Do you remember the day you appeared to me in that alleyway? I always wondered, why me? Did you want someone that you could save and turn into a hero, but there was already Medaka-chan for that? Did you want to make me into an enemy that would help Medaka-chan’s growth because she was your real favorite all along? The person most like you, the boring girl who didn’t see herself as human? Did you hear about my suffering from the rumors of Kumagawa the demon and come to laugh at me? Did you really want to save me, but you failed in the end because you couldn’t feel anything real towards a human? Did you want someone who would fail to save you because there would be no obstacles to killing yourself in the end?』

“Whatever conclusion you came to is probably stupid,” Ajimu said in a huff next to him.『It’s definitely stupid, but you know this world is fundamentally stupid. It’s a tale told by an idiot. It’s an absurd joke. So I don’t think my stupid conclusion is all that wrong.』Kumagawa turned his head again. Ajimu was no longer there, and nor was her reflection in the broken and missing glass, instead he was just staring at his own face a crack running through it distorting his face down the center makin it look like half of his mask was slipping off. 『Because you saw me and you thought, this thing is just like me.』“...?”『Even closer to you then the perfect imitation Shiranui Hanten who followed you around for two hundred years, because no matter how well he imitates you it’s just a mask he’s wearing, there’s still a human face underneath but not like me. I’m just like you, the only other non-human in existence.』

The hallway that seemed to extend into infinity suddenly stopped before them. Kumagawa was no longer staring into a window, but rather a hole in the wall, the part of the building that was under construction and the open construction field could be seen outside. Ajimu was merely hovering over the empty hole in the floor, her feet dangling in the air, dressed in white she looked like a ghost haunting him.

He had a terrible memory. He was always forgetting the terrible things that were being done to him, but he was always remembering as well. Terribly inconsistent at that. He forgot his pain minutes after it happened to him, that was how he was able to keep living, but that was also why he never learned and never grew past that pain.

So, that day that he had been broken so irretrievably, he did not remember what specifically did it to him. After he escaped from that river, after he escaped from that clinic, he was free and wandered from one place to the next, and wandered from one misery to the next. It could have been anything that finally broke him, as strong as the human psyche is it’s also shallow, it can endure the heaviest things, and it can finally snap under the tiniest of weights.

He forgot things easily, because he lost things easily, and eventually he came to lose something that even he did not think it was possible for him to lose. Oh, now he remembered. He endured long periods of homelessness, but it was impossible for a child to live on the streets that long without dying, so just like he was homeless he stumbled into a few caretakers too. He was always thrown out in the end but that was what he had come to expect from adults.

This one was different. That man in all black walked away from him. “You don’t have any more money.” He said. “So there’s no reason for me to stick around. People won’t stay unless you give them a reason to, it’s ridiculous to expect otherwise. Fundamentally, all people are replaceable, you can’t expect to cling to one person forever. This world is cheap.” He was unneeded, a lost child. There was absolutely no reason at all for others to see him. Nobody would want him around because fundamentally he had nothing to give to them.

He only added more problems. He could only take away some of their stability and support himself with it. The world was complicated enough already, people carried enough burdens living entirely on their own already. Someone like him who could only add further complication, who could only add further burdens was not worth reaching out to. Odds are anybody who reached out a hand to him he would only drag down further with him, he would create another person just as bad as him stomping over all their good will.

So he understood why, when he was living in the alleyways after that nobody looked his way. After he had become lost when that man in black left him, nobody found him again. He was an entirely invisible child. It would be better for the vast majority of society if he would never be found. The machine could go on working without one misshapen gear inside of it. In fact if he was accepted it was more likely he would gum up the works.

He had always been observing people as close as possible, right in the thick of things, that was why even a slow learner like him, a fool, and idiot, knew about the darker side of people. He knew exactly why when they saw him wander in nothing more than a torn apart white uniform, an old scarf, and a dirtied blanket he had been carrying with him wrapped around the whole of his body. Nobody noticed when such a dirty child made a scene dragging that blanket behind him. They only noticed him when he stole food, but that was the kind of attention he did not want to bother with anymore, so he stopped that altogether.

In the rain he sat down in the alleyway he saw the half rotted away corpse of another child. He wondered what would happen to it,why nobody even bothered to take it away. Perhaps they thought it would be washed away and end up in the gutters, taken care of on its own if they just left it there. He thought at least a corpse would attract enough flies to get people to notice, but invisible children must remain invisible even in death.Well it was fitting he would meet his end here anyway. He was lord of the flies. His very existence sewed chaos and attracted trouble for others, an unnecessary element others would be without.

The moment he let his head sink, wanting to nod away to one final rest. The moment he stopped caring whether he lived or he died, wanting to fall asleep to the lullabies of whispering people in the background.

“Filthy child.”
“Shapeless Spawn.”
“Automatic Failure at Humanity.”“Making children like you happy is my duty.” The nurse HItoyoshi-sensei said to him once.

Then, she also said this. “Why do I have to meet a jerk like you again? People like you will never grow up. What is this reverse character development?”

As if it were so easy for someone like him to grow up. As if he were just choosing not to, like he had been offered it on a golden platter and slapped it away like a spoiled child. That him who was shot in the kneecaps at the starting line, was at fault for not wanting to even bother with completing the race. That he was giving up too easily because he could not do what everybod else did so easily, what came so naturally to them they did not even think about it. As if he did not see the looks of those people in that clinic, looking at him like all the violence that had done to him was his fault, for being a violent and unruly child.

Five years old. He heard that at that clinic. They had already written him off. Then they put on false smiles and pretended like they wanted to work for his happiness.『Kindness is just a performance. They just want the appearance of being nice.  It’s really shallow after all, people will only reach out as far as it does not hurt them. The moment it does they retract their hands.』Kumagawa whispered to himself, huddled in his blanket. 『That’s why I don’t want kindness, I don’t need others to be kind to me.』Five years old. They had written him off. He had never been allowed to be a child. They said people like him would never grow up, as if he had been offered every opportunity to do so and simply chose to shrug it off, simply chose to end up like this. Well whatever.

『They were right in the end. I ended up like this. A net loss. If somebody had tried to hold out a hand for me they would have become a loss too. At least… this way I probably won’t ever become trouble for Zenkichi-chan again. He can continue living happily in that normal house, with a normal mother who loves him, having forgotten about me.』Only a really lonely person kept memories from their heart from when they were four years old. Only a person with a dreadfully uneventful story to tell devoid of all meaning fixated on such a small event. It can’t be helped I guess. He thought wanting to let his eyes drift asleep, however before he could she suddenly appeared before him, as if stepping out of a dream. Dark red hair, red eyes, and she wore all white.

It was obvious she did not belong to this world. She was an illogical element that could not fit within this world just like him, she was being excised by the laws of physics, an invisible ghost, and yet she stood there with a smile.

“What is your name…?”『I am… Kumagawa..』 The boy who was nearly drowned in the river.“Really? What a dull name!?”That was it. That was how he became a found child. From the outsider’s perspective, it looked like mere unexpected coincidence, the whimsy of an easily bored girl trying to find a new pet to enertain her. She even got bored of him eventually and started to spoil Medaka-chan and Zenkichi-chan instead to see what would happen if she pushed such polar opposites together.

However, he had turned it over and over again in his head. HItoyoshi-sensei once asked him, “You calmly trample on other people’s precious things, and you also calmly accept people’s fear towards you. Kumagawa-kun don’t you doubt anything about yourself? Have you ever thought about why you were born into this world?”

He had not even once. He did not need to think about it. People were born for no reason at all, they lived their lives searching for reason and would find none. However, people always had deeply motivated reasons for what they did to other people.

So he tried to understand her, Ajimu Najimi a seemingly completely illogical entity, aberration, abnormal and irrational. He replayed that moment again and again in his head and wondered why he of all people had been found. The moment he became a found child.

Because he simply could not believe it. Human kindness was a lie. People were always taking coldly calculating moves and calculating loss, and risk when they got closer to others, they only reached out in self interest.However, now that one moment had stopped replaying in his head. He had moved on from it, just as he had moved on from the  middle school room in his heart. He sat down on one of the iron beams, his legs dangling their as he sat on the absolute edge just like always looking down at the high place he could fall from below and break his body further when he splattered. 『All people are fundamentally empty, but people are called humans because they grasp at meanings to live for. Whether it is hope, despair, sentiment, lack of sentiment, bad luck, good luck,  hate… even love. Even if living with those things are just lies, they’re able to ascribe meaning to it but not us.』“Kumagawa-kun.”『We can’t find meaning in anything no matter how hard we look. Love or hate doesn’t matter to us. We can accept all of those things calmly… because we weren’t human in the first place. Human emotions can’t reach us. That’s what you wanted isn’t it? A non-human like you to watch from the edges. So, let’s watch the finale together.』

“Kumagawa-kun, Junko-chan, Medaka-chan, Komaeada-kun are they all humans?”『Of course they are. They’re just normal kids.』

“Then why doesn’t the same apply to you, Kumagawa-kun?”『The girl I loved once said this. There’s no one who could have endured the same amount of suffering that you claim to have, they wouldn’t have any trace of their ego left. There’s no way I could have survived all that and still remained human. After all immortal boys don’t exist.』 Ah I see. This is my fault isn’t it? The delusion that had once affected her but in reverse. Kumagawa was aware that the entire world around him was real, but he had given up on his own existence. All because he had come into contact with a non-human named Ajimu Najimi, all because he had sympathized with her, loved her, tried to understand her, and tried even to save her. Also because she loved him in return, and pulled the strings in his life as well.Kumagawa merely smiled catlike. 『Don’t worry it’s not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault. That’s why people look away from lost children, so they can say it’s not their fault. The moment you choose to commit to something, the moment you become attached you become at fault.』

“Kumagawa-kun…” She said with a softness he was not aware that she was capable of.『Nevermind that, we’re taking screen time away from my beloved nagito-chan, wasting it on an unnecessary character that simply takes up screen time like myself.. Let’s watch the finale from the front row seats.』 He looked up at the sky above him, holding out a hand. 『Such dazzling lights, pretty stage lights, it’s dazzling can you see it?』

“No I can’t…” Ajimu answered honestly.『I hope the spot light falls on Nagito-chan this time. He deserves it.』 So he decided to accept his role observing from the outside looking in. The outside of what? Madness perhaps. 😈 Nagito Komaeda bent down to observe Fuyuhiko’s corpse for a moment. His eyes were looking somewhere else, and he certainly did not think that even one reflection on him passed in his eyes, nor through his mind as he died. Komaeda lingered in the construction site staring at him, and no words of mourning passed through his lips, nor could he shed a single tear. He thought that was fine though, because he did not want to disgrace Fuyuhiko’s passing with his ugly and unpleasant emotions.
Then, he did as he always did and walked over the corpse careful not to step on any part of it, even the blood that had pooled around Fuyuhiko. He continued forward until he entered an empty room covered in darkness and surrounded by the hollow skeleton of a building.

“I did not anticipate you would show up so soon. I expected I would have to delete Kumagawa-senpai first.”

“Killing all my friends is one thing, but implying I care about Kumagawa-senpai. There’s a limit to human cruelty, you know?”

“Do you remember me yet?”

“Neither Kuzuryuu, nor Hitoyoshi-kun were pushovers. You must posses a lot of talent to be able to take them out easily.” Komaeda held his head at a slight tilt, the entire world was like that tilted off its axis, not neat and tidy and symmetrical as it should have been. Sometimes he thought he was the only one who could see that.

“Yes, that is me. Loved by a boring thing such as talent.”

“I despise talent. Were I able, I would erase all talent fro the world entirely, and I’ve never felt that so strongly. So you, have to go…”

“I suppose that’s a good enough recollection, one a boring person like myself-”

“I remember. I do. Hinata-kun. You were my best friend, you were everything to me. But that’s also why you have to go.”

Hinata had been restraining himself until that point. His voice kept emotionless to fulfill the role of the world destroyer, he tried to keep personal sentiment out of this because he was just bringing Komaeda out of this happy dream for his own good. For his own good. The constant thorns that had been driven into him, about how this person could dream happily without him, about how this fantasy world did not include him, about how the moment he arrived that fantasy fell apart he ignored all of them. He was not Enoshima Junko, he was not as petty an existence as her. Yet, the more he distanced himself from his own emotions the further he was rebounded back to them like the snapping of a rubber band. “You really do… simply an amazing specimen you are. A boring person like me remembered by someone like you…” The red squares flared up around him, his image pixelating around the edges, “I’m so flattered, and how do you plan to get rid of me with no talent of your own?”

The two of them circled around each other. That was what they were always doing, two birds who wanted to fly together, but who were afraid of colliding, afraid of hurting their wings and losing that freedom to fly they just flew in wide circles.

“I won’t deny I’m just a regular guy with a bit of an unlucky streak. I don’t belong anywhere near the spotlight.” He threw a chestnut at Hinata, only for him to wildly miss and hit one of the steel beams, it bounced around a few times before landing in his hair. “See? Anything I do turns out badly for me. I could never come out on top.”He saw the image of Kumagawa’s back appearing before him. He never knew why, that weak looking back could charge forward so recklessly, regardless of the consequences. It did not matter what he did because all of his actions turned out meaningless in the end, that should have been discouraging, but now he understood. It was freeing. Kumagawa lived freely because nothing he did mattered. Did Kumagawa ever truly lose? After all people were born from dust and they returned from dust, therefore there was a net loss of nothing. Kumagawa had nothing to begin with, his existence was a zero, and he gained nothing from his actions. What a free way to live, after he had been tying himself down to such heavy chains all his life. That was how Kumagawa was able to be both, a nobody, and interact with significant people, because his actions always became insignificant.

It was not anything special though, or anything philosophical. It was just spite. ‘It it’s not going to matter anyway then I might as well do what I want’, a childish philosophy, but Komaeda had never allowed himself to be a child either. “Even though I lack any real talent, I can’t see myself losing to you either.” If it did not matter whether he won or loss, because no matter what those people would not come back, all of his friends would be dead, and nobody would mourn the loss of his insignificant existence he might as well try to lose.

He picked a baseball out of the front pocket of his uniform, and threw it forward. It bounced off the steel beams several times, and he held a hand out to catch it.

“What you’re feeling is called hope.” Hinata said without moving.

“Reveling in the pointlessness of life and wanting to destroy in spite of it is definitely despair!” Junko said, from where she was watching behind the bars, but both boys ignored her.

“Hope…? Hope… What a peculiar sounding word. Although, I feel like I’ve heard it before.” He stared at the baseball in his hand. A hand that could grasp nothing, hold onto nothing, everything sunk away like sand through a sieve. When they found his corpse they would not care whether or not he had died fighting, he doubted they would even look up his name. A pale death like hand. The hand of a reaper. A weak grasp, like a cherry blossom clinging to a branch. “All right then, let’s see what hope can achieve.”  He threw the ball again.

Hinata did not move this time either and the ball missed his head. The ball ricocheted around wildly, hitting every beam in its precise weak spot. The bolts that were holding the beams together unscrewed themselves, and fell like rain all around the two boys. Nuts and bolts together flew around him but Komaeda was not hit by a single one, nor did he flinch in anticipation of being hit. “I have such terrible luck. I couldn’t possibly defeat you.” He lifted his chin slightly, the shadows twisted around his face in a slightly hopeful expression. He was smiling, elated, after all spending his whole life in fear of who he would drag with him to a terrible death because of his own terrible luck, or dying alone, caught between two terrible extremes feeling himself being torn apart at the seams by them as he indecisively wavered which ending would be more miserable for him. But now… he was going to die with this person, he was going to reach into him with his skeleton hands, and feel the warmth around his heart, and feel alive just for a moment before he snuffed out the candle and caused a mutual death. It was almost romantic, his face was glowing, almost blushing, a lover’s suicide between the two of them. Komaeda was glad even in death he did not have to let go of his romanticism for life, even after being bombarded by its meaningless again and again. “But maybe I can take you out with me! Imagine how incredibly unlucky you’d have to be to make a whole building collapse by throwing a ball, even if it was already falling apart.”He picked up the gun that had been given to him at the hospital earlier. A revolver, he spun the barrel and pointed it in a random direction. The bullet ricocheted again and again. “Kuzuryuu-kun, Hitoyoshi-kun, thank you, what a fun and meaningless story…” Then as he closed his eyes the bullet hit him in the middle of the forehead. He fell backwards, the same way a person would as if they had run face first into a wall, dead where he was standing.

The bullet was just enough, it cracked the supports of the building and brought the rest of the middle school tumbling down on top of them. Steel beams fell, even Kumagawa needed to jump to readjust his position on them. Hinata however did not move the entire time, even when he wanted to jump again to stop Komaeda from pointing a gun anywhere near himself. His heart froze in terror when he saw the bullet plunge into his forehead. It was an image he never wanted to see, even in a fake world, even in a lie, even his a delusion. However, he forced his feet to stay on the ground. Standing still, doing nothing, it was what he was best at. Even though the iron beams fell in every direction not a single one got anywhere near him. He was like the eye of the storm.

That was the existence known as Hinata Izuru, calm and rational to a fault, even when it came to the storms known as human beings he could only act as the peaceful center of it. He had difficulty again and again understanding the emotions that swirled inside of them.

“Do you remember yet?”Komaeda had collapsed and buried himself in a pile of iron bars that had fallen from the heavens. However, there was someone standing over him, he had held his arms out to catch the iron and he carelessly threw it aside. When he stood up fully, he was wearing a green jacket, and his hair was much longer, it was much more shapeless, swirling into formless spirals.

“World destruction com- wait why is he still?”

Theree was not one Komaeda but two of them. The Komaeda that only experienced bad luck was still lying on the ground, a hole in his forehead and a trickle of red traveling down the side of his face his eyes still closed.

“Come on Hinata-kun this is the part where you’re supposed to say ‘Do you remember finally?’ Of course, a needy and presumptive reserve course student like you would assume the person I needed to remember was you. Unlike you though I know my place so I waited until the proper time…”

“You’re talking like-”

“Myself? Well that makes sense I am me after all. Even if it’s a trashy self, it’s the only self I have. What the world needs is hope, right? Immense hope born from equally immense talent. I believe my actions will become the foundation of the world’s hope, and if that really happens… Praise me. Tell others what I’ve accomplished. Erect a bronze statue of me. Respect me. Please call me… The Ultimate Hope. You’d expect that kind of line from me, right?”

“Nagito, this world is reflective of your true desires. Why are you rebounding so hard back to hope? Did Kumagawa-senpai do this, did he tear you apart with bookmaker?”

“Huh? No, I was always like this. The inside contradicts the outside. It’s just a metaphor of course, but in a dream things like metaphors can become real. I was capable of partitioning myself, the performance, the outer ego and the inner one. But it was lonely living like that. I wasn’t lonely for lack of you, but lack of myself… but since this is a dream. Anything is possible. I can reconcile the irreconcilable, I can finally make sense of the paradox of my personality.”

Even with super highschool level analysis it was difficult for Hinata to parse what Komaeda was ranting about. He simply stared quietly, but Komaeda knew that was Izuru’s childish way of refusing to admit what was going on.

“Well, it’s a story like this. Once a boy sold his shadow. He thought he would not miss such a thing and he could buy lots of things with the money. However, after that point everybody avoided him. Technically there was nothing wrong with a boy with no shadow, no misfortune, no curse, it was just he was unlike everybody else around him, they all noticed he was missing something, those missing parts were uncomfortable to look at because he reminded them of their own. So the boy went back and begged and begged to have his shadow returned but it was too late. Oh, except not in this case.”

“What do you mean, you’ll be able to be both at once…?”

“Simply put, I’m going to become everything.”Komaeda Nagito, in his green jacket, began to look like a physical reaper as everything else about him, from every orifiice, his eyes, his ears, and when his mouth opened again he bled shadows. The last thing not to disappear in shadow was his smile, which glowed a pure white. Then, he simply dissolved away, as the boy without a shadow, the student Komaeda Nagito who had no extraordinary characteristics suddenly grew a long shadow, long enough to eclipse Izuru’s own.

Then suddenly, as if somebody from above had given a tug on strings Komaeda’s chest heaved, and from his ankles he suddenly regained the strength to lift himself up. Komaeda reached forward and dug into his forehead, plucking the bullet that had pierced through it and tossing it aside. He grabbed the green coat that had fallen on the ground and wore it over his uniform. Even as blood trickled down his face he did not seem to mind or notice.

“Do you remember now…?” Kamukura asked once again, observing the unexplained phenomena. The mission had been planned and executed by both him and Junko, he even made Junko sit out this last part so she would not make things more complicated on purpose, the only unexpected event so far was a ghost in the machine so why…“Yep! I remember everything!” Komaeda said, his smile catlike, his eyes closed. He turned away from Hinata then, and spun his body around starting to skip over the wreckage. In a moment he was clear of the building and walking in the road, a car appeared out of nowhere but Komaeda did not even stop or change his pace, the car swerved around him, not even coming into close contact with him as it spun and hit out on a pole. The pole split in half and fell but it did not hit him, it only blocked the way of Hinata who had run after him.

“Nagito what are you doing? I came all this way for you! Isn’t this what you wanted? You wanted somebody to understand you, to understand you’re worth giving a second chance, you wanted somebody to find you? If you remember then why don’t we go back to that school together.”

“Umm, you were never a part of that school reserve trash.” Komaeda said cuttingly again, before he smiled pleasantly. He held his arms out wide and began to dance around by himself. His hair spiraled around him, like wisps of swirling clouds that were blown around just before a storm.

“Beautiful…” Hinata muttered, breathless. He had the world’s worst timing. It was another useless talent he had.

“Really, everything’s a lie. Really, everything is a lie. Really, everything’s a lie! The whole world, this dream world, my dreams… really, really, really, really, really, really, lies, lies, lies, lies, everything is a lie. You really are a liar!”“Huuuuh? Aren’t you the liar? The one who made up this lie of a world is none other than you.”

“I guess that’s true. The person who told the lie ‘you could be happy’ is none other than myself. You know someone once told me that I don’t even try to overcome my luck… who was it… Who was it again? I forgot. It’s true that I never tried but, isn’t that basically not my fault at all? I hate myself like this as well. But this is who I am… This is me, I can’t do anything about it. But still… even if I’m like that, it’s who I am. So that’s why…I… I only need myself. The only one who needs to understand me is myself. That’s the lie that you just told, pretending like you understand me.”

“I did understand you. You think after fifty two times around you think I’d still fail to understand you? You think I’m that terrible a person?”

“Yep!” Komaeda said with a smile so bright he was downright sparkling. He picked up the gun and shot it at Izuru again. The gum jammed at last moment.

“You’re the one who still hasn’t learned. I have good luck as well…” Izuru said, muting his own emotion as he slipped faster than Komaeda could see once more. He appeared behind him, his hand brushed around his hip as he went searching for the gun, his other hand laid on top of Komaeda’s as he reached, and suddenly he lost footing. There was oil pooled on the ground from the car accident that had happened around Komaeda, how had he not noticed it until now? He had been too fixated on Komaeda, transfixed on him like a single point of light a single star in the sky.

Komaeda put his fingers over his lips and giggled through them. “Slipping on a small patch of oil. How comedic. How unlucky.” Komaeda simply hit the back of the gun hard making no attempt to fix it, and the barrel itself cleared. A lucky hit. “You know to me it was like I was living in a world full of glass, always holding back myself afraid I was going to break something, to break someone. That’s why I’m lucky, I’m lucky that nothing I do in this world matters, that it’s just a dream of mine, that it’s just a delusion. I can do something I’ve always wanted to do.”

“...What is it?”

“Really, all the talent in the world goes to waste on you. This is why they shouldn’t have tried to raise up a reserve course student to the status of the talented ones, even if you replace all the inside components the frames no good. They should have started with someone of talent. Cme on, dummy. I told you this one directly. If you understand me so well, then remember.” Komaeda said, as he bashed the gun on the side of his head. His eyes which had been red this whole time, suddenly drained their color as the storm spread to the, spiraling black and white. White hope and black despair were trying to mix in his eyes until they became indistinguishable from each other.“You told me once… that the power of luck is like… unlimited power. You’re using your control of the program to control your luck!”

“Finally, the genius sees it. In a world like this where my luck is just a numerical value, an assigned stat like in a video game, if I control all the numbers then I can finally have what I’ve always wanted. Absolute control.”“Nagito. What does that matter! What can you possibly want from a world like this? Nothing in this world is real?”

“You still don’t get it huh? Tsk, tsk, would you stop disappointing me. I can’t feel an overwhelming despair I must overcome from disappointment.” Komaeda’s cloak billowed behind him as suddenly he turned around and ran away again. The world had not frozen, even though Komaeda realized it was nothing more than a delusion he was in control of. Was he lucid dreaming?

Hinata rushed after him. He saw Komaeda at the edge of a busy intersection. Easily, the boy skipped into traffic, like he was playing a game of frogger. Around him, the cars all swerved out of the way crashing into each other but he was completely untouched. A semi suddenly turned to swerve and tipped over, rolling down the hill slamming hard and sweeping right at the area Hinata was running to catch up to him.

“You still don’t understand me.”

“I want to! You’re the one whose running away from me rightnow, asshole!”  Hinata said as he slid under the truck, only a small aount of his own luck protecting him as he stood up once more.

“Fine then. It’d be fortunate if I had a knife right now.” Komaeda said as he finished crossing the road and went to a nearby trash can. He picked up the lid and found several knives thrown away. The exact same kind of knives that had been stabbed into his body over and over again before his death.『Really, for a supposed genius I can’t believe Izuru-chan didn’t see Nagito-chan of all people going manic after realizing the whole world was a lie. Junko at least should have.』 Kumagawa said watching from afar still sitting on one of the few remaining intact iron beams with a pair of opera glasses.

“She probably did, she just kept quiet about it.” Ajimu said, sitting next to him.『Ah, what a junko-like thing to do. Everything she does is so very like her.』

“Quit it with the goo goo eyes…” Ajimu said, rustling slightly.

Komaeda threw the knives in random directions. Kamukura dodged them calculating all fo their trajectories, but he did not see the happenstance that another car would drive by, a bird would fly by in the air, and it would ricochet off of both at just the right angle to strike him in the back.

“See, this is the power of luck. This is why Enoshima-san wanted to rely on luck to overcome her analysis and bring about her defeat.”

“It’s like that one x men…Domino.” Hinata said as he hunched his back forward.

“You and Kumagawa-senpai read too many comics. Really.” Komaeda said as he walked over to a dumpster. “I hope nobody threw away a harpoon!” He spoke in an almost comical way, and then when he flipped the lid, he grabbed the sides of his face in overreaction. Then he picked up the harpoon and leveled it at Hinata.

“You’ll lose if we go hand to hand. Luck or not.”

“Are you sure about that?” Komaeda said as he readjusted his grip on the harpoon, grabbing the rope that hung off the other end as well. Actually, holding such a heavy object made his weak body wince, luck or no luck, and striking such a cool pose made him wince as well but he just went back to smiling after the jolt of pain faded.

Kamukura rushed forward and then slipped behind Komaeda once more. This time however rather than oil, it was a banana peel that he slipped on and he was unable to get his footing. Komaeda turned around and jammed the spear hard into Hinata’s chest. “If you want to understand me so badly, I’ll show you my memories. My time on that island. The side of myself I hid from everyone.”The moment he was pierced through, Hinata was no longer in the body of world destroyer. He was standing on the beach again with Komaeda in the middle of the first investigation. As he knelt down and went over their notes, he saw Komaeda like a shifting shadow in the corner of his eyes. He looked up but whatever expression Komaeda had been aking a second ago was gone. “....Komaeda?”

Koaeda stared into his empty hand for a moment, before flexing his fingers and touching the back of his neck shifting gears so easily. “Ah, nothing. I have to think about something for a bit. Is it okay if I have some alone?”

“Is that so… I understand.”

Komaeda drifted away from him, his legs shaking. The moment he got inside the door, he let his weak shoulders collapse, gripping himself furiously. He had already started a cold sweat, and the shakes were starting. He tried to hold himself together, if he shook too violently he would just fall apart.

He stumbled forward looking madly around. If he let Mikan know how sickly his body was acting, she would never leave him alone. It was not like a consistent illness that plagued him, it came and went. An affection of the immune system after all. Even if it was currently in remission it could come back any time. Why now…?? What set it off? Was the good luck of surviving the first round too much? Wait, no I must have had high blood pressure. I got too uncomforable planning different ways I could die by Zenkichi’s hand and I couldn’t eat nor drink. Oh, I didn’t sleep either. Silly me. I was supposed to die so…Damnit why does Kumagawa-kun have to get in the way messing up things. This shock could it be…? Remorse, oh yeah, I stabbed a classmate so many times. Kumagawa-kun could have died, because of my own petty emotion. So many things could go wrong with my body right now I have no idea which one. He looked up and saw the refrigerator. He just needed something to help him overcome the symptoms he was facing right now. He only needed to last until the trial. Nobody went to his cabin, so he could fall apart to pieces there if he wanted to. He could even disappear for several days to recover he doubted anyone would go after him. He reached into the refrigerator and picked up the first energy drink he could find, cramming it into his mouth and slurping up the contents as fast as he could. The next one, and the next as well. He was surrounded by piles of cans on the floor from his attempt at self medication, and he let his head rest against the refrigerator door as his mind went somewhere else due to the sudden intake of caffeine.

“Illness? But, Kumagawa fixed your progressive memory loss!” Hinata in the meory spoke up, as he was just being forced to relive a flashback after all.“Did you forget? Even a reserve course student should pay attention in class, though I guess it doesn’t matter how much or how little you pay attention because you can only succed if you get a magical surgery to make you better. I also have cancer of the lymphatic system. Kumagawa-kun couldn’t undo that, because it would mean undoing my invitation to the academy. I was always sick, I always had symptoms.” Komaeda said, looking up from where in the memory he had crouched over the refrigerator.

“That time!”

The time that he lost his mind in the trial, and revealed his true natural laughing evilly, the reason his body twisted in such wretched motions was because he was trying to hold together despite the pain.

“And that time…” The times that he had been chained to Hinata were especially hard, because he had to hide any pain until after Hinata was sleeping, and insisting that he slept on the floor meant his body was twice as sore. Well, not like he expected any relief.

In the class trials, he did not want to suddenly faint or break into cold sweats because most of the time he was sure he was the only one who figured out the mystery beforehand and could not risk disappointing the others. “Always, I had to endure the pain alone!”

“Why… why didn’t you tell me? Why do you insist on suffering alone like that? It’s not like I wanted you to carry the burden alone, I was always trying to get through to you…Why didn’t you just… how was I supposed to understand till now?”

Komaeda smiled as he lifted his head once more. In his memory, the bell was ringing for the class trial. He walked forward towards the door and left. As he walked past Hinata simply standing there, he walked straight through him. He whispered into the boy’s ear. “I have speical feelings for hope’s peak. Like you.”Hinata’s eyes suddenly opened again and he was not on the island, and Komaeda was no longer walking next to him but rather on the floor. They were in a basement, with bags and bags of garbage that had not been thrown out yet. A man in a mask was watching the television as Komaeda regained consciousness. Oh, that’s a murderer. I saw him on tv. I remember now.
Images flashed through Hinata’s mind, aa little bit being picked up because he had to walk home alone wearing such an expensive uniform from an elite private school. He had screamed and screamed but nobody came after him. He thought he saw a few people in the distance but they hurried away out of sight. He rolled over and realized that his hands were tied behind his back. He realized there was no moving from this spot.

My purpose, was I born just so I could get killed? Never to amount to anything.
This room smells awful.
Trash.
Is meant to be thrown away.
Always looking down on others.
Manipulating others using them to my own ends.
Was I trash till now…?
Even as a child…?
He wondered as he reached for the corpse of his dead dog, was he manipulating even back then? Was there ever a point in time where he had been innocent? His parents accused him of taking advantage of their good will. Was there a time when something had been taken from him where did not deserve it? Was someone like him allowed to be a victim? He stared at his dog wondering what he possibly did wrong back then, what he continued doing wrong, and what had led him down the twists and turns of the rope of misfortune to this moment. Is this really the right thing?
Am I going to die just because I’m trash?
My wrists hurt.
The place smells foul, rotten.
He hit me too many times in the head dragging me here.
Dying in a place like this… why, why, why, why??

He did not remember who or when. He thought it might have been sometime in the hospital. Somebody took his hands, and said innocently enough, with the best of intentions. “After something bad happens, there’s no doubt something good will happen. Life is a plus minus, it all evens out eventually. There’s a reason the world is like this.”Komaeda had told Hinata something like that when he was trying to explain his luck cycles. He had smiled with the serenity of embracing everything both good and bad luck and said. “The bad luck just means the good luck is on the way.”
For trash to suffer. For trash to die. Trash which owes everything to.
The murderer kept a single television playing onscreen while he waited for news of Komaeda’s kidnapping to be announced. It had never come, but just once he happened to be awake while it was on. He saw Munakata’s face appear onscreen, giving a speech in front of the entire assembfled hope’s peak. His white hair was dazzling, it showed him a dazzling light he had never seen before.
The dazzling hope. 
Hinata remembered this speech because at the same time it was playing, he had ditched his classmates to look through the window leading to the faculty room which had the only tv in the school. He ignored the whispers on how Hinata was being an obsessive weirdo with his head in the clouds, a wannabe fanboy again and instead pressed his face up the glass, smiling widely, his face flushed and full of life.“We admired the same thing didn’t we? That’s why you thought I could understand you but I…” HInata let his head hang to the side, they were no longer on the island or in the trash filled basement. Instead Hinata was lying on the ground, red pixels falling from his body like bloody, squares around him leaving his body with every twitch of pain.“When it suited you you hated me, when it suited you, you loved me as well. You denied every part of me, you embraced me at the same time. It was always to your whims, and the desperate to be loved me just went along with it. That wasn’t mutual understanding.”

“Fine, you’re right.” Hinata grabbed the end of the spear and pushed it back through his chest as he struggled to stand up once more, his legs shaking, litching in and out. “I’ve never really understood you, and I still don’t but…I’m still your friend. I won’t leave you here alone. Even if I have to beat you up and drag you back.”

“Leave me here?  Hinata-kun…” He looked at the great hope standing up once more. It was because he had such talent, even if it was forcibly inserted into him. “You’re not going to beat me up and drag me back. You’re fundamentally incomplete, you have control over good luck but not bad. You know, the enemy’s special attack will miss a vital area, you’ll bump into a girl around a corner, you’ll get caught up in a murder, you’ll be spared by the whim of the enemy, you will be told you have the luck of the devil, you’ll be acquianted with the younger sister of your enemy, you’ll come across your rival in a pinch and make ammends with him, you’ll coincidentally meet your friends on vacation, you’ll fight from strongest to weakest in a tournament, when all is lost you’ll come up with a strategy to turn the tables. Talent doesn’t matter, the success of all main characters, is simply a matter of luck, the plot armor they’re wearing and right now my luck far exceeds yours. It doens’t matter how many talents you have or how strong of a final boss, now that I have the luck of a main character in my favor I’ll win.”

“Komaeda, just tell me what you want… please. I just want to go back with you. What’s left for you if you stay here?”

“Who said I wanted to stay here? What I want is to go back with you too… What I want is your body.”

“Ummm… dude is this really the time?”

Komaeda twirled around on the heel of his foot, turning his head back and breaking into total laughter. “Stuuuuuuupid. Iiiiiiiidiiiiiiot! Ihihihihihihihihi! It doesn’t matter how much talent they pump into you, somebody born dull like you is never going to get better. You could have at least tried to talk more like the brilliant Kamukura I admired until the end. Ufufufahaha. I… I want to take over that body of yours. Steal it for myself. The same way Junkai wanted to take the original Enoshima-san. That way, I can become an existence called ultimate hope. Come on, don’t you want to save the body of the dying me…? Hinata-kun?”

Komaeda took a few more windin, dancing steps forward as he reached out and plucked a rope from nowhere. It was in the form of a noose, he guided it around his neck and laughed further. He made sure it did not stag by holding one single finger to tug at it away from his neck. “Junkai’s planned execution for me. I was going to sit on a circus tight rope, and one by one ropes like this would be severed until all of my luck ran out. What point do you think she was trying to make? That my luck would always run out in the end? That I was just a clown?”

“The hell if I know.” Hinata’s impulsiveness got the better of him and he rushed forward, only to be caught on a rope and trip. There were suddenly far too many topes in between them, overlapping each other, getting knotted, as Kumagawa had said once The strings tying us together have become too twisted. “Hinata-kun come on. We’ll always be together. I can fill my empty self up if I devour you. Make me feel alive, Hinata-kun.”

“Nagito! Shut the hell up with that stuff already! Maybe I don’t understand you.”

“I don’t blame you, it’s unbecoming for a god like you to understand lowly humans.”

“Even if I don’t understand you, I know that’s not what you want!” Hinata said, struggling against the ropes which were pulling him back. “Don’t you want to become a video game designer?”

Suddenly all the ropes which were falling stopped. Suddenly the traffic in the street stopped. Suddenly, it was like everything in the whole world stopped.

“Uh… uh….” Komaeda moved forward so suddenly, so rashly that he broke the rope around his neck in two and rushed forward to stand over Hinata. He was in such a rush he almost tripped over his own feet, before spinning around, regaining his balance and then right in front of Hinata he kicked him uselessly, like a child throwing a tantrum. “Why do you know! Why do you know! Why do you know! Why do you know! Why do you know!”

His kicks were weak, but still he made Hinata cough in a little bit of pain. “I can’t be! You peeked! I’m all exposed! You pervert!”

“Yeah, I took a look. I peeked into your closet. I saw what you were hiding in there.”

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I said nobody can ever open that door. I don’t even want Hitoyoshi-kun to see it.”

Hiden inside Komaeda’s closet, there was several notebooks filled with sketches and detailed writings of drafts piled up on each other. “

“You have such pretty handwriting just like a girl’s. Your art style is really cute as well. Furthermore, all the puzzles you came up with were genius. You can really imagine a game that would be played from the player’s perpsective and be most enjoyable for your audience. The plot was confusing as hell man! Everything you come up with sounds so absurb, but I think that’d be a part of your auteur design identity. What’s with that dating sim you were designing too? That was pretty perverted.”

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” Koameda simply screamed again, gripping his head unaware of what to do.

“All of the lore and backstory you came up with was so thick and overwhelming. I read through all of it, I could tell how much thought you put into it. I know you’re afraid of being misunderstood when you express yourself so you must have wrote it out and rewrote it again.”

“K-kill! Nevermind, I changed my plan. I’ll kill you and then I’ll kill myself. The lover’s suicide was a better ending.” He kicked Hinata in the stomach once more.

“It’s useless to kill me. You never really thought about it? Didn’t you leave behind such game documents in the real world? Eventually someone will clean up your room and find it. But, if we go back right now we can burn the evidence if you’re that afraid.”

“That’s such a stupid reason to return to the real world! In my shitty real body! I can’t act for a foolish reason like that!”

“A reason like that, huh?” Hinata repeated, only to get kicked in the stomach once more. “Tell me then, what is a good reason to go back? Nobody I talked to ever understood you, not me, not Zenkichi, not even Junko can get a full grasp of you. Kumagawa’s got too much of himself projected onto you to understand the full picture even if he’s close. To be honest, I’m not that attached to living. I’m doing it out of obligation because of all the people I killed. I’m sure if that was my only option, I’d sacrifice this body and let you have it to live a little longer. A kind person like you really would use that body to benefit all mankind unlike me. You would be happy, in the body of a god like that I’m sure you’d have fun. But… if you become like me, you won’t be able to create anything at all. I can’t do it either, music sounds dull to me, art colorless, you can save others maybe, but you won’t create a single thing you’ll just watch others rot away. You’d be getting the short end of the stick as far as I’m concerned.”

Komaeda get on kicking him. “Shut up. This time. This time. This time. I will become happy.”

“It’s not like you wanted to become ultimate hope! Not like you wanted to become happy! You were resigned to being a stepping stone right? You wanted to make video games right? Then why don’t you become one?”

Komaeda had exhausted himself completely, just from kicking. He held onto his knees trying to prevent that fragile body of his from collapsing. “How can somebody so smart be so stupid? I don’t want people to see them, it was unskillful, embarrassing. My dream? Trash like me isn’t allowed to dream. I wanted to throw them out, but I was too embarrassed. So I just hid them instead!”

“If you make a mediocre game that you had fun making, it will make a game made by an utlimate talent shine all the brighter. Don’t talk about what you created like that, Nagito. There’s not a single creation in this world that’s unwanted. Creation is embarrassing, dreams are embarrassing as well. Shouldn’t you face that embarrassment if you want to get stronger?”

“Shut up… it’s not as easy as you getting a few talents inputted into him by needle. It’s not like I can make a game just by thinking about one.”

“Yes, but you’ll never make it if you don’t allow yourself the chance to dream. I don’t think this happy dream was a bad thing, even if it kept me apart from you. I was being petty and jealous I’m sorry, I should have enjoyed your happiness. You deserved a glimpse at happiness at least. You deserved to see the possibility that you could have dreams for yourself, outside of talent. Unlike becoming an utlimate hope, or a happy person, you have to be human to become a game designer.”  The ropes around him started to loosen. Even bleeding from the side, even beaten up and laughed at as he was he still continued to approach Komaeda. He still held his arms open. “You know what? Some idiot is out there, volunteering to do something as sluggish as becoming the utlimate hope for you. Let a moron like Naegi Makoto-kun handle it. So, you can do some other sluggish thing. You had something you wanted to try right? Something you never got to do because only normal people did it and you were excluded?”

“Something I want to do?” Instead of raising his foot this time he stumped backwards. He was scared of the understanding, scared of the forgiveness, too much weight he would be crushed this body of his too heavy he could not go on. “You don’t understand me! You don’t understand a damn thing about me!”

“Interesting, it’s cute when you’re reduced to crude language you usually speak so beautifully, in such a reserved way like a princess. You’re right, even with all the analytical talents in the world I don’t know anything. I know nothing important. Because only you know about you. That’s why you’re the only person who can take care of you. And you are the only one who can grant your dream.”

“Are humans allowed to randomly change their minds like that?”

“You can because you’re human. There’s no meaning to any of our choices, it all becomes pointless in the end. What’s the point of reading stories that say ‘life sucks and then you die’, right? But I’ve always found those stories beautiful. Because people say those stories are distasteful, not worth being told, but there are people who live their lives like that they would be invisible if not for stories like that. Humans can see meaning even in something as simple as ‘life sucks and then you die’. It’s liberating. Everything you do for hope will eventually become despair. Hope will turn into despair, and despair will turn into hope again. An endless cycle that turns around and around without meaning. What was it that you said…? It’s like loading a saved game and getting worse each time, your character gets worse and worse, you build poorer and poorer stats. Isn’t that great? You get an infinite amount of retries! Even if you're doing poorly you can try forever. Because humans, as human, can do something over as much as they want! You’ll never achieve what you want in the end maybe, you’ll only get worse, you’ll only dwindle away, but every single human still has that chance. Even the characters in that story still have that chance, they struggled until they died in the end. Are you saying their struggles weren’t worth watching? Don’t you want to watch that? Don’t you want to be a part of that? Don’t stick up your nose and say life is meaningless so I won’t even bother trying. Don’t make the same mistake I did! It doesn’t matter what you do, so why not just do what you want?”

What he wanted?
He had been trying to shape and mold himself to what would be acceptable for others for too long. He had been trying to live without. He did not need a dog, parents, friends at school, love, or even a long life. He had let all of those things be taken as sacrifices, believing for merely existing he needed to have a price to pay.

Yet in this imaginary world. A world where nothing truly mattered as it was one boy's delusion. The dream of a lonely boy. Where everything that transpired here would not affect the real world in any way. He realized how meaningless every sacrifice he had made was until this point. Perhaps he had known all along, and was trying to delude himself and twist the results with confirmation bias.

There were times he did nothing in this world and it did not matter. There were times he tried to fight back and it did not matter. Like trying to choose to go left or right in a maze that shifts every single turn you make, the decisions you make the navigate seem utterly pointless. You feel like you'll never get out. The correct answer seems to be to lean against the wall, curl up and wait for starvation to set in.

His life was one of trying to compromise with consecutive losses. He had tried to beg at the feet of the statues of the god, he had washed them with his hair, he had even defiled the beautiful marble with his dirty hands and yet no matter how many losses he accepted, he never felt like he amounted to anything.

He was breaking more and more, knowing that one day he would fall apart, into small glass fragments. They might glitter beautifully for a moment but they would become dust in the end regardless. He could not heal, he could not repair, he could only break more, because the parts necessary to grow were missing. He had had them removed from his body a long time ago, as if trying to function with several organs sold on the black market and the scars on his chest still in tact.

He wanted to just. Feel forgiven. Feel absolved. Feel satisfied for one single moment. Feel happiness, true, unending happiness that would not fade away.

He had not been born to become happy.
He had not been born for any reason at all.

Then that boy who admired the same place that he did, who was empty and misshapen the same way he was. He told him that he did not need to be happy, that he did not need to become hope.

Create.
Become anything.
There is no meaning, so create one.

That was what he had been doing all along, right? It was just a delusion on his part he had been clinging too, but he took all of those successive miseries he endured and created something from them.

The idea of making something with his own hands, any creation that came from him would be twisted, it would be mediocre trash. Most of all there was no way somebody would ever be able to understand a message he tried to put in a game. The thought of being misunderstood again was embarassing, embarrassing, embarrassing. It's not like he liked when he had to pause in conversation and missed social cues, when he kept tlaking until he saw how much others were staring at him, when all he wanted to do was talk about what he was excited about and people called him creepy for expressing that joy deep within his heart.

He had already created a video game. This happy dream, this world, this delusion, he had modeled it and set the parameters in his head, and look how easily it fell apart, look how easily the others became unhappy with his creation.

But then why... Even if he knew he would be talented, why had he filled all those notebooks? Why did he see the world as a game? Why did he always plan things and play games... it was all meaningless. He would be misunderstood. It would be mediocre. Anything created by him was destined to be forgotten.

But...
Kumagawa was always saying with a smile on his face. 
It'll be fun. I just know it will.
Maybe.

Create something.
It would not fill in the missing parts of him.
But it would be something.
When he was nothing before.
Something was not nothing. 
These hands he did not want to destroy anything with.
So he went touch starved, so he tried to touch as little as he could. 
What were they for again? 
Maybe he could make something. 
Maybe it could be fun. Komaeda stopped backing away from Hinata. He let his head rest against Hinata’s shoulder, he wanted to sink it into Hinata’s chest but both boys were so tall that it was awkward. “I really didn’t want to become a game designer. I wasn’t thinking about it at the time. I don’t think I’ll be able to toss aside hope either, because I’ve been looking at that light for so long… but… People are inspired to hope by works of fiction right? I’m sure, my ameteurish trash will make the games produced by real talent shine, right?”

“Mmm…” Izuru’s throat was dry, he had been talking for so long, and he tasted blood from his injuries. He wondered if he had ever spoke so long so continuously in his life. It was probably because, all of the things he had wanted to say to Komaeda, while they were apart, while he watched over his unconscious body, holding his hand, they had filled up his empty self so much, words bouncing around echoing again and again until he was full to bursting.

“I don't trust that easily. The things you told me were probably just lies to get me to leave this world. I don't know if I'll be able to make them come true. Even if they were... even if your love is a lie, then I'll allow myself to be lied to by you.”

“Hey, Nagito.”

“Hm…?”“Your hair’s grown longer. You should leave it long like that. If you were to put it up in a pony tail, that’d reall turn me on.”

“Uh…”

Before Komaeda could even process what had been said, Hinata Kamukura Izuru Hajime the boy he had met twice, and fell in love with twice, finally leaned forward and kissed him on the lips again.

A kiss to wake up a prince.
The world stopped.
It should have stopped, in Komaeda’s mind it melted away. A romanticist, the world melted away into colors, all of them mixing and mixing together. He had finally made a splash, splashing against someone else.
However, the only thing that changed was the color of his eyes, turning to their normal colorless state as his personality became a little less twisted, and the screw that had been embedded into his head came loose finally and fell behind him.Kumagawa Misogi clapped from where he was watching. 『An amazing show. I was really inspired. Nagito-chan just went up and saved himself.』 Before Junko could even reveal herself from where she had been watching behind him, Kumagawa stood up and jumped down. 『Junko, you were watching me all along. I’m so flattered.』

“You could see me? Then why the hell were you ignoring me? No wait… how can a loser like you ignore someone like me who's way out of your league? You should be looking up to me like some bright unreachable star in the distance… how far have I fallen exactly?”『Oh well that. Umm, well I was just messing around really. It was funny watching you react when you didn’t get one whole attention.』

“So what if I like attention that doesn’t mean I’m insecure. That just means I’m secure in the fact that everything I do is cool and worthy of attention. I mean, it’s human nature to admire the beauty of the stars right?”『Junko copernicus called and he wanted to tell me that you’re not the center of the universe. Anyway as much as I’d love to continue this thematic piece of banter-』

“Awe come on. I’ve had to do it with Kamukura-senpai this entire time, and he’s no fun. He doesn’t even play along.”『Well that’s because playing with you usually results in injuries, Junko, you don’t play fair. Ah! So hard to resist the call of the banter. I love the snap of a quick quip! My quippers heart aches with desire, however! Let’s begin! I’m so glad you two came down here to rescue me!』 Kumagawa suddenly snapped his finger. Junko and Izuru jumped back, the whole floor exploding into screws. Izuru had let go of Komaeda and realized so at last moment, reaching out desperately for him.

However a shadow had already taken him away. 『I don’t care about the others, but I won’t let you take Nagito-chan. None of you can appreciate his real value. Nagito-chan is so kind, he always held himself back, he always made sacrifices because he wanted to minimize the damage as much as possible, all he wanted was to be loved but he pushed others away for their safety. He starved himself for his whole life, and as a result people threw trash at him. Only a minus can understand the worth of another minus. You Izuru-chan, the perfect goods, you Junko, the perfect human, don’t look down on us with your pity, don’t reach for us.』

Kumagawa turned away, holding Komaeda bridal style. As he slowly walked away, the world around them becoming more and more decrepit as Kumagaa’s heart lacked the ability to imagine such a functioning and happy world like this Junko screamed after them.

“Misogi! I’m not looking down on you. I just wanted to see you again! Just for that purpose, I came all the way down here! Why won’t you look at me, even now? Why are you showing me your back, that’s like basically asking to get stabbed by Enoshima Junko’s playbook. It’s basically not my fault at that point.”Kurokami Medaka took Junko aside and warned her before this mission.
That Kumagawa Misogi holds back and fools around, but once he starts talking seriously that is when you always have to watch out.
Because just as easily as her, he could break things, dreams, people, he did it with a smile on his face accepting all of the guilt that came with it as he walked over them.『It’s because you remind me so much of the Ajimu-san I once loved. The one I once thought would save me.』  Kumagawa said, turning his head back to look at her, bending it back swiveling at an unnatural angle like his head itself was attached on a screw. 『I’ve been through this so many times before, that’s why you’re so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, utterly boring to me.』

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“How did they just disappear?”“I thought you were supposed to know everything Enoshima Junko, you really didn’t see this coming?”“I already told you Kumagawa is the one element that remains slightly unpredictable that’s what makes him interesting.”“It’s interesting how you always lecture others for being unable to talk about their feelings in time to avert a tragedy scenario in your games, but how useless you end up being in situations like these.”Their voices were lost in the sudden downpour. The water came to wash them away. The world was destined to end with a flood after all.It seemed to rain here a lot.It made sense.This world was the heart of two lonely boys.The reflection they saw of each other in the water.The opposite of hope is apathetic acceptance.An absolutely sure apathy that allows you to approve of all things. Yes that’s fine. It can’t be helped. The opposite of hope.A status queue.He was absolutely still.Kumagawa’s eyes were placid with that stillness, they turned blue, a deeper, clearer blue. Such a failure at being a human, unable to even despair properly, lowlier than Enoshima Junko he had accepted everything with such a boring and stonelike look on his face.As the raindrops fell, the waters surface rippled slightly, and the raindrops themselves made soft noises, like the soft plucking of a string instrument,b ut when those strings were done vibrating they too returned to stillness, silence.Every time Komaeda had looked at Kumagawa he compared him to water. He compared the division of the world between his world and Kumagawa’s world like two boys staring at each other from opposite sides of a pond and convincing themselves it was their own reflection.Or was it the other way around? Deluding themselves into believing that another world lied beyond the pound, made up of that reflection. He had forgotten it already.Feels like water.Kumagawa Misogi.A still stretch of water undisturbed by the rain. A stretch of water that reflected back. Kumagawa Misogi had spent so much time around him, nowadays it felt like the boy was always by his side. He was one of the few people Komaeda could never convince to leave him, and yet it somehow told him that Kumagawa Misogi was just a delusion on his part.That Kumagawa Misogi had never even existed in the first place. That Komaeda had imagined a person named Kumagawa MIsogi from his won ego and imagination then he would believe it.It was like no one was actually there.Still water.Water was shapeless, formless, he could seize up and become something else in an instant. He could flow like a river, and hit just as hard. He could also be destroyed and scattered like water, fall into the sewers, seep underneath the earth, and eentually recollect himself no matter how many times he was splashed uselessly against the pavement.However, because of that quality he was also like a river running he could never be the same person twice.He ran, ran, ran, from Izuru and Junko. He ran through the rain that was already falling down, hoping to bury this whole world, hoping to drown his heart in water. Like a child whose head was pushed into the water by his own parent’s one too many times, he had stopped struggling to breathe and decided to accept it instead. How eerie it must have looked when you pushed a child’s head into pitch black water water and they ignored even their basic instinct to struggle and try to raise their head towards the light more.Deeper, deeper, deeper. Komaeda watched as Kumagawa’s eyes turned a deeper blue, a purer blue, the darker they became paradoxically the more pure they seemed to become. Komaeda had always longed for a pure white hope, without conflict, but it seemed in Kumagawa purity was a bad thing. If he had let himself feel a little bit pain, if he had let himself feel a little bit of anger, he might know how to deal with those emotions, even if they would stain his purity.He didn’t need to be a perfect victim. He did not even need to keep being a victim. He did not need to fit someone else’s standards of a victim. I just want you to keep being my senpai. Those were the words Komaeda wanted to say as he observed those eyes from underneath him, but how could he ever phrase something so straightforwardly.Before he could even form the words with his lips he forgot. He forgot the colors of city lights being washed away by the rain and blurred, he forgot the feeling of Kumagawa holding him so intensely as he ran away.『 I didn’t want to see her again. I didn’t want to see her again. I didn’t want to see her again. 』『 Hands. Hands. Hands. Hands. Hands. Hands. Hands. They’re touching me all over.. 』『 Don’t look at me. Don’t touch me. You can all just go die. 』Komaeda Nagito stood in a graveyard. He guessed he had followed his senpai here, but forgotten the reason why. Oh, to visit the girl he loved, the girl who killed herself. He had even forgotten the entire walk here.He really was such a no good kouhai. He stood behind Kumagawa, who was staring up at the sky. He looked like he expected rain to fall on his face but there was not a single cloud in the sky.Komaeda wanted to be gentle, but he had no idea how to broach the subject. “Your face looks weird, senpai.”『It’s nothing.』“That’s exactly what your face looks like.”『Ahahahaha. Nagito-chan is so funny. I just spaced out.』“Your head is nothing but empty space.”『All humans are fundamentally empty, really you’re just stating the obvious. Except I’m not...』“You’re not.”『It doesn’t matter. I like cemeteries in winter just before christmas.』Even as Kumagawa smiled, water had slicked back his hair, and was dripping down his face. Not a single cloud in the sky Komaeda could see water running down the side of his face, dripping off his chin. Kumagawa’s clothes were wet as well he looked like he had just survived a drowning. Kumagawa himself did not even seem to notice, as a sickly smile spread across his face.“Winter? But it’s golden week and… you wouldn’t be happy to visit a grave. Even you’re not that creepy, senpai. I feel like I’m forgetting something.” Komaeda reached out and curled his finger in one of the many swirls of his hair. Grasping his thoughts felt like grasping at clouds, they looked like they had matter until he tried to close his fingers around them and they turned into wisps.『You’re always forgetting something. Your brain is terrible.』“True, but… there’s something lacking.”『What is…?』“We... we're not..." Kumagawa’s sharp glare told him. There had been something lacking from them all of their lives, as long as Komaeda needed it, he would comfort and soothe him all he could. He would embrace him even if it was a twisted version of embracing themselves. They had learned to live with what was lacking.Why now.Why was it any different. Why was he suddenly implying it could be any different. The cold eyes of the drowning boy, like the dead eyes of a fish at the bottom of the ocean, suddenly they were burning with resentment that stared at Komaeda.Then suddenly his expression changed again and he was smiling pleasantly. 『If you’re having fun, what’s it matter? Do you not have fun when I’m around you?』The first person who had ever approached Komaeda and tried to treat him like a friend. It was not any of the dazzling examples of hope, it was not even Enoshima Junko who corrupted him and turned him to despair. Kumagawa reached for his hand and placed it over his own face. After that the two of them played gachapon together. They sat on the roof talking together. Kumagawa walked with him to class together. Unlike other people who were put off by his self degrading and his wild philosophies, Kumagawa listened and argued back in his own way. They were things friends did but never did he once consider Kumagawa a friend, just someone who would eventually be removed. He was too much like despair.He had forgotten all of that though. Komaeda only existed for this single moment standing together in the graveyard, the rest of his memories were vacuous moreso than normal.“That’s not what I mean. I feel like we need to talk about something. We've forgotten about something important and we've been avoiding it the entire time. We can't forget it.” He had finally reached a resolve, after having all of his other ways of seeing the world broken apart in front of him, after seeing that the world was imaginary.『And it’s even more important than me?』“No, it’s important even to you. We shouldn't forget about those things, even if they hurt us.” Komaeda looked over Kumagawa’s shoulder, and saw the gravestone they had went to visit. The suicide of the girl he loved no… the name of a girl was not written there. It was his own name. “Lion-dog Tree Branches.” and then “Calm Below the Dipper.” It was only after staring for a few moments that he recognized his own face again. For a moment he thought such a pale face, with such shocking white hair was a shinigami standing behind him. Forgetting his own face, how helpless could he be.Purpose, purpose, purpose. Someone who looked like that, somebody who had forgotten his face that easily had a purpose? Lion Dog, those were the statues that stood guard at shrines in shintoism. That was right he wanted to be someone who could stand at the feet of the gods of talent and protect them.Was that all he cared about the gods?Even if he was just a dog to them?Was he going to sit in Shibuya station forever until he became a statue like Hachiko?Perhaps he could be rubbed for good luck like a mission in The World Ends with You.Could Komaeda Nagito care about anything else besides talent?He did not even question why the name was on his grave, but then he remembered. He had been killed in the killing game, and that was why he had started to dream in the first place. “You still haven’t forgiven yourself for killing me have you.”As Kumagawa grit his teeth, a crack formed in the smooth reflective surface of the grave. That was right the stone had become so shiny because of the rain. He looked up and saw that it was raining after all. He looked back to see Kumagawa still looking forward pretending that it was not, even though both of their hair his curly, Kumagawa’s shaggy and straight, was falling over their eyes. “This is a dream.”『Wouldn’t you rather dream forever?』“Dreams are things you wake from. That goes for everyone. Even you, Kumagawa-senpai.”『I wish I could stay in a dream forever.』“I can’t stay with you. I can’t let you stay here. Because I’m the one who trapped you here.” The memories were blurred in his head, and they threatened to wash away like water colors under all of this rain, but he grabbed onto them with everything he had. Funny, he never had a strong sense of self before, and him and Kumagawa were so close they could easily blend together and become indistinct, being mistaken for one another. But now he was holding onto that self harder than he ever had before. Komaeda wondered, he truly did if the situation was reversed if his actions had led to Kumagawa’s death and then presented with the opportunity to either stay and watch over the sleeping Kumagawa or leave to the real world with Hinata what would he do?He would leave, most likely. He would prefer it if Kumagawa came back alive, but he would probably just see him as a stepping stone he had to step over. He would say something like Komaeda should be honored to use as a stepping stone because he was only ever meant to be a pebble on the side of the road.Yet, Kumagawa did not believe Komaeda to be an acceptable sacrifice. He stayed with him in the dream world. Now that he thought about it, had there ever been one time in the past that Komaeda ever returned Kumagawa’s good will?He insulted him.He left him for other friends.He betrayed him and put him in this simulation as Kamukura’s accomplice. The realization suddenly clicked into place for him. Why doesn’t Kumagawa want to be around the people he loves? Oh, it’s because I called him trash so many times unworthy of being around the talented people he admired he started to believe it. It’s not nice to call others trash, is it? Empathy was not his strong suit.He had never truly hated Kumagwaa though. And just as it was wrong for Kumagawa to hold it all in, only to retaliate in the end by killing. It was also wrong of him to work out his own personal issues on Kumagawa.He was not thinking of saving himself from Kumagawa’s sudden desperate kidnapping. It was the last thing on his mind. If Kumagawa wanted to dream a little bit longer and did not want to be alone, Komaeda would stay with him.However, he knew that as always Kumagawa was acting the opposite way of what he wanted. That was why he thought in this moment, he could save Kumagawa. He had no chance of saving someone who carried the torch of hope, but someone like Kumagawa, a lowly existence like himself, somebody who twisted their body around a single spark hoping to conceal it in the rain and stop it from being extinguished. That kind of pesosn he could..『I’m happy to be trapped.』Komaeda who hated conflict, who hated disagreeing with others, who hated speaking up his own emotions and trying to parse them, spoke up then. “No. You’re not. I did something wrong to you, and you did something wrong to me. Get angry at someone when they hurt you for once. Establish boundaries for your ego. Stop accepting everything because you resent it either way in the end.”『What are you lecturing me for, Nagito-chan? Have you been observing me? But you only observe hope, and there’s no hope in a person like me. You’ll never witness the all consuming hope that obliterates all tragedy from the world with me, tragic comedy after tragic comedy, that’s all I’ve seen. 』“Hope? Hope is not the absence of tragedy. It’s what endures tragedy! It’s something you have to protect in the face of a vast and callous indifference in the world, it’s a single point of warmth in a world of ice. It’s not shattered by hardship. It’s fighting even when you know you’ll be destroyed. It’s deciding to love knowing one day the person you love will die. What kind of lame hope emerges when there is no obstacles to face, no despair to overcome, a dream world with no troubles? I wouldn’t even tell that cruel of a lie. That lie is not hope. Hope will not lie to you like that. You always told such kind lies Kumagawa-senpai, I was always impressed by how much you could spin lies to soothe and comfort others when you wee the one who needed to be comforted the most but I know you wouldn’t tell a lie like this… you wouldn’t lie to yourself and say the only world you want is this one. You never once told the people you were comforting that there wasn’t going to be any pain ahead, that they weren’t going to struggle more.”Staring inside of a mirror imagining a world. Pretending Kumagawa existed in an entirely untouchable world for himself that he would never reach. But there is no world inside of a mirror. This isn’t some fantasy or a fairy tale.They needed to leave together to the real world. Komaeda would reach him, even if it meant smashing through that mirror, smashing the image of himself, and cutting his hand on the shards of glass as he reached forward.Humans were separated, the boundaries between them were absolute. But just sitting around all day contemplating, ruminating about the fundamental aloneness of human nature was not going to fix that. Even in another world entirely that did not mean they could not be reached.Kumagawa stumbled backwards, grasping onto his head. The gravestone shattered, and then the world of the gravestone shattered as well and they were standing in the rainsoaked streets again.『I don’t care about hope or despair, stop talking about that already. It’s all you guys ever talk about I swear, it’s not so nuanced a discussion that we can drone on about it that long, not like say the depth and complexity of shonen manga.』Enoshima Junko skidded to a stop. Her boots dragging across the wet ground. Hinata Izuru standing behind her spoke up first. “Give Nagito back, Kumagawa-senpai.”『You don’t own Nagito-chan. He’s his own person. How presumptuous of you Izuru-chan.』“Junko say something serious to him already, this might be our only chance.” Izuru said as the rain streaked down his spiky hair as well, causing it to fall flat on his head.『There’s absolutely nothing interesting that boring girl could say.』“Misogi do you want to look at my panties?”Kumagwaa MIsogi immediately dropped Komaeda and turned around on his heel.『Panties? Junko’s panties? You will show me them, Junko? I wanna see, I wanna see! Show me! Show me!』Red faced, Kumagawa spun on his heel and skipped around in the rain until he was in her face.“I said something serious!” Izuru spat back at her. “I know you don’t care about anybody else that was trapped in this game or the consequences of your actions but I thought you at least cared about Kumagawa being taken away from you.”“I am serious. The honey trap is most effective.”『I’m happy to be trapped again. I think we should forget about that existentialsim stuff and spend the rest of the chapter talking about panties.』“That’s right if you don’t like reading that kind of thing, skip ahead.” Enoshima Junko said.“I can’t skip ahead, this is a conversation I’m physically watching!” Izuru whined in the background.『Anyway, white panties are the way to go. Pure white, just like my soul.』“Oh, so we’re really going with this bit. You know though, I’m sorry to criticize you when I’m the one who got you all riled up but I can’t agree there.”『Hmm, so are we on opposite sides here? Love and hate, hope and despair, black and white panties!』“If you want to put it that way, then yes! The opposite sides of a shiny coin!” Junko said as she jumped up in excitement. The two sides of a coin metaphor was her favorite one to use.『Aren’t you just giving a two-faced response as usual?』“Don’t get me wrong I’m not trying to say I’m against white panties. Panties are special because you can choose any color you want for them. A world of just black and white is a childish point of view, it's no fun.”『I think the people who exist in the black and white world of shonen jump live their lives just fine.』“We weren’t talking about manga, we were talking about panties, Kumagawa-senpai. You can only have one, do you want manga, or do you want panties? Choose!”『I have to make choices! This is why too cruel! Why don’t you ask me to choose between a mother and a child dying instead?』“That sounds oddly specific were you in fact referencing an event that happened in another manga?”『I would never reference manga in the middle of a conversation that is my least favorite thing to do.』“Colors may be what destroys this world, who knows - well, I know!”『I don't know how to reply to that ominous panties related foreshadowing.』"Hey, you know when people interact their souls, I mean their panties get dyed a different color. I wonder what color I've dyed you."『I’m not sure how to reply to that monologue either. It’s not like I’m trying to reject all colors. I just think a pure white existence is the only way to live.』“You guys are so obviously not even talking about panties anymore.” Kamukura spoke up, but nobody present responded.“Hmm. Well, yes, only black is absorbing everything, the combination of everything, it devours everything.”『It seems like no matter what our views are always destined to be at odds. It’s about time we admitted something.』“What might that be?”『There’s nothing particularly sexy about black underwear.』“You said it!”High five.The two of them came to an understanding over their taste in underwear.“There’s a whole spectrum of feelings people have about different colors, pitch black and invoke emotions in one person and completely different emotions in another person. Pretending pitch black is bad, and pure white is better is just following the norms, the status queue. Wearing only white panties, and only black panites would be equally bad.” Junko said, suddenly speaking deeply again.『Spectrum. Colors. I finally understand.』Kumagawa nodded along. Following this scene to it’s logical conclusion. I’m just kidding of course. Now that Kumagawa was done screwing around, he dropped a screw from his sleeve and held it in his hand pointing the end at Junko. Several screws at once appeared in Komaeda's green coat, tying him down to a wall.“Nagito!” Hinata yelled after him.『He’s fine. He’s always wanted to be jesus just let him be happy.』Kumagawaw said waving his hand in the air, before turning to Junko. 『You should have just let me run away. I reeeeeeeally don’t want to fight you, but I can’t disappoint our viewers who are expecting this scene to end in a shonen fight climax now can I? 』“Misogi. The only person watching you here is me. Just tell me what you’re feeling. Everythings’ all reversed, everyone’s playing the wrong roles, you’re supposed to be the loser prince who rescues me, you’re supposed to be the one doing the boring talky parts, while I’m the sexy, charismatic and amazing character that everybody loves.”『Junko, I don’t want to kill you.』“That’s it, like I’d let myself get killed by a loser like you. Especially when someone awesome like me wasn’t even good enough to kill me-”『That’s why, I’ll kill you!』She should have expected such a response. He rushed forward aiming a screw straight for her heart, the heart as empty and cold as the world around it but before Enoshima Junko even moved Izuru threw himself in front of her. A screw when through his stomach and he coughed blood.Junko tilted her head to the side in slight acknowledgement. “Hinata-senpai’s playing the hero again how expected, but he’s doing it for me that he hates how unexpected.”Hinata did not even look back. He kept his eyes fixed forward on Kumagawa. “I’m not doing it for you. I promised Kumagawa-senpai, I would bring him out of here. I should have been the one to stay behind in this dream but like always I was a coward.”『That’s fine Izuru-chan I like that cowardly side of you.』“It’s not fine. You kept your word and watched Nagito, but I…That’s why this time. I won’t fail. I’ll keep my promise to become you friends.”『Saying this time for sure I won’t fail when you have a history of failing and running away means absolutely nothing, Izuru-chan and...』A kick.Izuru went skittering across the rain soaked streets. The city lights blurred behind them. A hollow and empty city as all the people Komaeda had imagined had disappeared. It was like all life had been plucked dry leaving only the bones of a corpse.『You’re not going to resolve this by beating me. Here’s a little secret. I… I’m actually pretty strong you know.』A grin spread like a slow sickness across his lips. As his eyes narrowed into crescents he seemed to be grinning with them as well. 『What about you Junko? Just going to sit back and watch like usual? Well, that’s fine, that’s all you’re good for anyway.』Hinata’s hair whitened, his eyes stayed red as bookmaker took affect. The same one he had been under during the trial to give him Kumagawa’s confidence. He was not sure if he was being weakened or strengthened. Kurokami Medaka said this once, Kumagawa was a lot stronger than he gave himself credit for.  Always weak and vulernable, always strong and enduring a walking paradox.『Isn’t this the part where you uhhhh? Give a heroic speech about friendship or whatever. That’s what the hero would do.』“I don’t want to be the hero. I don’t want you to be the villain. Kumagawa-senpai just come back.”『It’s better for everyone else if I stay here. Nobody will get dragged into misfortune again, and I can keep on living. An ending where everybody is happy.』“I don’t want an ending where everybody is happy. Sounds boring. I thought an ending where everyone is miserable was more your thing? The world made you miserable enough, so why do you care so much that your presence just contributes to the world’s misery? Pay it forward.”『Don’t try sounding like me to convince me. You’re only sounding like the person I hate the most.』Kumagawa said as he rushed forward finally. Izuru threw off his jacket leaving only the white button up shirt underneath.PItch black rushed towards pure white. Pitch black stood still as pure white Kumagawa rushed towards him. Wait, which was pitch black, which was pure white? The borderlines were not so distinct anymore, the metaphors were getting mixed. Maybe it was better that way.『Kuma-Kuma-slash!』Kumagawa said as he brought down one of his large screws in a wide arc. Izuru let the blow move by him and caught his hand by the wrist, only to suddenly be surprised as dual wielding screws Kumagawa brought up another screw ina n upward arc forcing him to jump back. As he retreated, Kumagawa went after him. 『Whassa matter, hmm??? Gimme a heoric speech like you did with Nagito-chan, my special interest is maga, go go!』Izuru tried to duck and weave out of Kumagawa’s attacks but just like the fight with Komaeda his foot slipped on the raidsoaked ground. He left an opening causing Kumagwa to appear next to him suddenly centimeters away from his face, and slap hard the side of his neck. There was a much smaller screw than the ones he usually wielded lodged into it now. 『Now you look just like a real frankenstein, you’re so cuuuute like that..』On his all black form, the only shape Hinata could make out on Kumagawa’s face was his pure white smile. Then suddenly he turned his head to the side and saw images flashing by in the puddle as soon as his blood dripped into it, the puddle became more distinct.『Oh no no no, this is no good, my memories are leaking out of me.』😈First Volcano HighSchool: The first school I ever transferred to after being kicked out of Ark Middle School. I lost everything when I lost Ajimu-san. 😈  『Huh…? You’re not a girl.』Kumagawa said standing behind the school. On his first day, a note had been left in his shoe locker. Even though he had just lost his final love, he was quite the romanticist. He had decided not to give up schooling and ever since going to high school, he thought if he could make friends with someone more powerful than Ajimu Najimi there would still be a way to save her from herself before the seal on her was undone and she killed herself.He, Zenkichi, Medaka had failed to become friends in the end. He realized why, it was because he was weak, the weak him had lost to his own emotions at envy and fear that Ajimu-san would turn her attention to them. THen, in the end he had been so weak he had failed to even defeat Ajimu and save her from herself. He could never be a main character with that vigorous weakness, but he could be a supporting character in someone else’s life he thought.He found a note in his locker and wondered if somebody just wanted to be friends with the mysterious transfer student. However when he arrived behind the gym what he saw was an entire gang of boys in white coats. One of them was dragging a sign behind him. Kumagawa thought that was impressive, just like the Akune-chan he had once tried to be friends with.Then suddenly he realized as they circled around him that it was too late. “You’re the demon Kumagawa right? Who gave you permission to transfer to our school…?”『Oh, I paid somebody to forge my papers and cheated on the entrace exam. I didn’t know you guys were all so scholarly.』“Oi shut it we’re not. I heard the last school you were at you murdered a girl.”『How would you know that? Are you a murderer too?』Kumagawa tilted his head glaring at the boy with orange hair that looked like Kuwabara from Yu Yu Hakusho to him. He had known absolutely nothing at all about the boy’s situation, not even his name, that had just been a wild guess. 『Is that why you’re suddenly so attracted to me?』“Shut the hell up! Pulverize him until he’s nothing left boys”The boys around him descended on him. Kumagawa ducked to dodge the first one and threw the second one over his shoulder. He was used to random ambushes by this point, people in groups tended to move in predictable patterns. However suddenly, he looked to his side and saw something was sticking out.『Hey, hey, hey, hey, that’s...』“Who the hell brought a blade!”“What does it matter boss? He’s even lower that street trash like us, they won’t bother to investigate him when he’s killed.”『Hey, hey, are you serious?』Kumagawa said as he collpased onto his knees,a nd faceplanted forward tasting only the dirt and the blood in his mouth. He was quite the jokester, it was odd to ask if things were serious, but the question was stuck on his head on repeat again. Are you serious? Are you serious? Are you serious? Are you serious? Are you serious? Are you serious? Am I seriously going to die? Kumagawa could accept everything but that. Death was the one thing he hated. Ever since the old man told him that everything would be better if he died, that it would be kind to let him die, because living wasjust the accumulation of bad karma, he had resolved to live and dirty himself as much as possible. Now he was dying in the dirt, on his first day in a new school after running away from Medaka. He would never see her or Zenkichi again and make things up for what he did.  Ajimu would be left in the room forever. He tried to struggle but his body died easily. He felt all the life drain out of him at once through the wound in his side until nothing but pitch black nubmness remained.That was the story of the first time he died. Jumped and stabbed after transferring to his first school. He woke up in a classroom and saw Ajimu Najimi sitting on the teacher’s desk and starng at him with her chin in her hand.“What a boring way to die.” She taunted him.Then suddenly his body seized again and he came to life, looking up at the gang that was getting rid of his body. He reached forward and grabbed one by the foot. He noticed the side of his body burned and realized they had been dragging him behind one fo their motorcycles with a chain wrapped around him.  Oh it must have been a reference to Achilles destroying hector’s body. No, they were too stupid for that kind of reference.“Shit he’s not dead!”“He really is a demon!”He left them all beaten up in a pile around him, and walked away with his hands in his pockets. 『I wasn’t able to make any friends on my first day of school. This is definitely a loss.』He only lasted one day at that school before transferring.『What are you doing showing my tragic memories? Stop that. I was happy when they all greeted me like that. When they were beating me into the pavement, I thought ‘finally they see me for the monster I really am. This is how I deserve to be received.’』“...”『Don’t start empathizing with me, that’s scaaaaaaaary.』Kumagawa rushed forward once more. He jumped in the air and spun his body around, and Izuru had to duck to stop from receiving the blow. Kumagawa had a twisted, spontaneous and slap sticky way of fighting.Even when he claimed to be fighting seriously, he was not. Perhaps there was no such thing as serious for him, perhaps if he even took things seriously for a fraction of a second he would never stop crying, just like the sky above them. He would definitely go insane in that case.Kumagawa brought his foot forward and kicked in the air, only for Hinata to throw his entire back bending backwards to dodge. He stared up at as he saw Kumagawa jump in the air, preparing another strike as he held a screw in both hands.Hinata however did not even dry to dodge. The screw scratched across the side of his face, hurting one of his eyes as Kumagawa landed behind him. Kumagawa turned on his heel, completely surprised that Izuru did not try to dodge him in a jump attack that left such an obvious opening. 『What are you doing? Don’t be so loveydovey, damn it!』
😈Flashback, my first time transferring to Hope’s Peak. There was a girl named Emukae-chan who was just like me, I really wanted to help her. She should have known better than relying on a guy like me. 😈
『Yukizome-sensei please!』Kumagawa said as he dragged Emukae by the hand. There seeed to be something dripping off of her fingertips. He had found her in her room alone today and dragged her all the way out, she still wore the tattered reserve course uniform. 『You’re the one who took the Ultimate Class of Talented Eccentric Loners and turned them into a real class right?』“Huh…?” A woman wearing an apron over a blue dress, with bright orange hair turned around. She saw a boy dragging a girl along holding her by the wrist instead of her hands. “Do I know you two…?”『You should know Emukae-chan! You taught in her class for six months in the reserve course! She sat in the front row every day she told me about you!』“N… No… it’s not a big deal Kumagawa-senpai.” Behind him, Emukae nervously stuttered.“Oh, I’m sorry honey. I don’t remember you…” Chisa said, not even turning around to look at them.Kumagawa’s smile never wavered. He had expected that. The two of them were just faceless reserve course students after all, they might as well have had all of their features painted over in blue. 『It doesn’t matter, you’re a wonderful teacher. Emukae-chan really looks up to you she’ll listen to whatever you say so please. I found her cutting her wrists again this morning, can you please talk to her?』Chisa had been looking towards the side of the campus sectioned off for the main course students. They side that they were not allowed to even step foot in, even though they were supposed to be going to the same school. “Oh um. Reserve course students aren’t really my responsibility. Have you tried talking to a guidance counselor about it.”『Did you hear what I…?』“I’m sorry I’m going to be late to my kids. I hope you two cuties take care.”『She wasn’t even listening...She only taught for a little while in the Ultimate Course she taught for six months in the reserve course. How could she not remember a cute girl like you Emukae-chan.』“Kumagawa-senpai it’s fine. Everything I touch dies…. So I should just die too right? I’m just terrible… I’m just troubling you like this and making you do embarrassing things for me.”『No, no, no, Emukae-chan. It’s alright, don’t worry about it! I'm sure her entire class sucks, maybe they'll all out to be murderers or something! Everybody is just a terrible person waiting to happen, so don't worry about it.』Kumagawa moved her wrist and tugged on it pulling it closer to her.“Stop! Kumagawa-senpai! If you touch my hand-”『Oh! So Mukae-chan can take Yasuke-chan’s hand, but not mine! It’s alright! No matter how terrible you did I will make it like nothing for you. 』Kumagawa said as half of his face began to melt away under her touched. He would not just take her hand and look her way, he would hold her hand.“Hehe...eehehehe.”Emukae made soft silent noises, somewhat a mixture betewen laughing and crying as tears fell out of her eyes. She buried her head in his chest. “Waaaaaaaaaa”『Alright, alright, don’t cry. Mukae-chan is so cute. I’m sure for looking away from us right now, her entire class will go die in a ditch somewhere so don’t be bothered by such a boring teacher, and Yasuke-chan too don’t be bothered by such a boring guy.』Even though he held her to comfort her, half of his face melting off. Even though he would have erased those injuries as many times as she needed to, that was not enough to save that girl in the end.Yasuke threw him over his shoulder and onto the ground. Kumagawa picked up a screw that had been lying on the ground.“Stop it you two, stop! You both want the same thing why are you fighting!” The girl screamed at the two of them but they did not listen. “I thought you wanted to save this school.”“Shut up, I only care about saving one person.”『Shut up, there’s no way I could get along with such a boring guy!』“Stop it, stop saying things like her!”Yasuke drove his foot into the side of Kumagawa’s face and then rose it up again. He stomped, and stomped, and stomped, until half of his face looked like nothing more than a bloody mess. Emukae’s eyes widened as she saw the same injury that she had made on Kumagawa’s face.Kumagawa was getting hurt because of her again. That boy who had comforted her, who had been the first person to every embrace and hold her like that while she cried. He was hurting himself over and over again protecting her.Emukae wrapped her hands around her neck. “Stop it, now the problem is gone! Now I won’t hurt anyone anymore so there’s no reason to-” Emukae could not talk anymore because a hole had been burned into her neck.Kumagawa immediately threw Yasuke off of him. He looked at Emukae who had fallen over, a smile still on her face. Her neck was half melted off, a hole in her body, an ugly hole that he could not look away from. Her rotten flesh still remained, yet there was no trace of Emukae left on that corpse.Emukae would never laugh madly, nor rant about love, nor smile ever again. He was looking at a rotten apple, she had chosen to drink the poison all on her own. A burnt up flower. He had known she was suicidal, but just put a bandaid over it like he always did, and then forced her to watch him and Yasuke fight like they were about to kill one another.『Yasuke-chan what are we going to do?』“She’s a reserve course student. They’ll probably just cover up her death, damnit…”『Yasuke...chan…?』Kumagawa grabbed Hinata by hi hair in the present moment and ran along the side of the building dragging his face along the concrete. Still the boy’s body was motionless, there was no resisting him.Kuagawa threw her arm over his shoulder and tossed Hinata with everything he had, like he was skipping a rock on the water of the pond. Izuru’s body tossed about carelessly bounced on the tar of the street. It was a crossing intersection but nobody, nor any cars appeared to run him over. Still he could hear the ambient noise of traffic lights, and city noises behind him.He looked to the side and saw a child huddled up in the trash. Slowly but surely, he was sewing the head back onto a rabbit. That child had white hair, and wore a white long sleeved shirt, he could not be any older than five. He clutched the headless rabbit that was sitting next to him like his only earthly possession.“There you go, Yuuki. Don’t worry no matter how many times you get hurt I’ll stitch it up for you, because you’re my best friend. What? No, those stitches are really really beautiful I promise.” The young boy said completely convinced of the conversation he was having with the stuffed animal was real. After he finished the final stitch the rabbits head sagged back into place. Kumagawa smiled at it, and hugged it close. He rolled over and tried to find a comfortable spot hiding behind the trash cans to sleep.『Hey sleepy head! Wake! Up!』Kumagawa slammed his foot hard into the side of Izuru’s head, He stomped and stomped, trying to make an expression on appear on Izuru’s emotionless face. 『I’m bored, I wanna play, let’s play house, let’s play house!』In the background two hands wrapped themselves around Enoshima Junko. As she saw red nails come together over her mouth she realized who it was. Junkai was embracing her fro behind.“Are you the reason he’s still stuck here?” Junko asked, turning one eye back.“No, it wasn’t Komaeda-senpai either. Kumagawa-senpai stayed here because he wanted to stay here. The boy you find so interesting doesn’t exist. He’s a fake like me.”“Amazing how you accuse everybody else of being a fake but it’s not like you have some kind of complex, right?”“Kumgawa-senpai is just like everybody else. He’ll choose some stability over none at all, he’ll keep clinging to it over despair. It’s just he hasn’t been given a choice up until this point. He’s choosing to stay down here, he’s choosing the more boring option.”“...”Junkai leaned close to whisper in your ear. “You realize that don’t you? You’re just watching because that’s who you are by nature, you won’t push yourself to do anything tat’s boring. Saving Kumagawa-senpai has become boring to you.”“...”“That was always going to happen.”“...”“You were always going to get bored of him, so why don’t you cut your losses now? Get it? Cut your losses? Dump the loser.”“I wouldn’t be a world class spoiled brat if I gave up on what I wanted so easily.”“You’re taking his choice away.”“Oh my god I’m a manipulative bitch that is literally what I do. It’s pretty much the only thing I do consdiering I’m also a lazy bitch. How do you like not know this if you’re supposed to be me?”As Izuru spat out blood, the blood in the water became another memory.
😈 Yasuke-chan and I always argue, but I think that’s because we’re similar rather than different. This time we came close to killing each other but it’s not too late. 😈
『Yasuke-chan let’s stop fighting. We can still save Mukae-chan, there’s still time.』“Besides her… you were the only one that knew about this, right?”Kumagawa slowly turned his head around. He saw the look in Matsuda’s eyes and recognized it. It was the look in his own when he had walked towards Ajimu Najimi holding his hand out to rip her face off. The complete calm serenity that came with surrendering your mind, and letting your body move forward like a puppet.『Yasuke-chan, stop it… Mukae-chan wanted us to stop fighting.』 “She’s quiet and you’re going to be quiet now soon, too.”『Why are you forcing me to be the sane one? This is hilariously miscast. Yasuke-chan stop it, this is exactly what Enoshima-san wants you to do, we want the same thing!  』“She has nothing to do with this… and you, you have nothing to do with this.”Yasuke’s shadow overtook his and suddenly Kumagawa found a pair of hands around his neck. He did not even fight back, because Mukae had asked him not to. He was just thinking how to salvage this, undo Mukae’s death, undo what had led to them nearly trying to kill each other, and what point to reset from to overcome Junko’s scenario.『I can… I can undo it still.』“It shouldn’t be undone. Some things can’t be undone.”『Yasuke-chan. I understand you! There was somebody I was like that once too! I did a lot of awful things for her, things you would consider disgusting. And because of that, I lost sight of who I was. Little by little. Yasuke-chan, you don’t know who you are without Enoshima-san right? That’s why you can’t lose her! I understand! 』“You’re too stupid to understand a thing. Stupid, ugly, reserve course trash.” Yasuke’s fingers tightened around his neck.『But, even after I lost her I was able to live on.』“Are you telling me to let her die then…?『No, I don’t want you to end up like me! If both of you were saved I would smile at that ending, but even if the worst comes to pass you can keep living. So stop… I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.』“There’s nothing regrettable about this. You’re not like the last guy I killed. They won’t even look for your body, then… Junko and I will… We’ll...”『Yasuke-chan I....』“Why did you even get involved in this? It’s because you were involved that things turned out like this.”『I wanted to be your friend...』At that, Yasuke Matsuda gave a laugh. It was a hollow and empty laugh. Then in the next moment he twisted Kumagawa’s neck around until it snapped. Until the moment he died Kumagawa did not resist him, he just kept staring up at him, begging with his eyes. Then his lifeless eyes rolled and gazed on the floor. Matsuda dragged his body and stuffed it into a closet, trying to figure out where he would hide it next. He picked up the reserve course uniform from around Kumagawa’s back and then put it on deciding to imitate Kamukura with it.Kumagawa did not come back in time to watch the rest of the scene play out. His neck only untwisted and he sat up in the closet, holding the door open a crack to watch the ending Junko cradling Matsuda’s dead body, only to stomp it into nothing a moment later.When Junko had left with Mukuro he stumped out of the closet. His vision hazy, he slipped on Matsuda’s pink blood and fell face to face with what little twisted flesh remained of his face anyway. Tears welled in the corner of Kumagawa’s eyes.『It’s all my fault, Yasuke-chan I’m sorry.』In the present time, Kumagawa grew tired of kicking. 『Why won’t you fight back?』“Isn’t this what you always do for others?” Hinata finally spoke up, turning his head to catch Kumagawa in his red eyed gaze. “I wanted to know what it felt like, to simply do nothing but take blow after blow waiting for them to stop.”『Stop it.』“How does it feel to be on the attacking side for once? How does it feel to be the one doing the stomping instead of getting stomped on?”『It’s so fun. That’s just how it goes, you endure being a victim as long as you can and then you go on to victimize others.』“If you’re having fun then why are you not smiling?”『Shut up.』“Stop it this isn’t like you, Kumagawa-senpai.”『I don’t know who Kumagawa is then.』“I don’t know either, but I want to know.”The rain was washing the blood away. Kumagawa stumbled backwards from him. Kumagawa gripped the side of his face.  A sense of fatigue assaulted him as if he was carrying something so heavy on his shoulders, he looked as if he could collapse on the spot. He had dealt Hinata every hit in this fight, but somehow when he tried to break Hinata he looked like the more broken one.『I gave up. I’m not going to bother explaining myself. I gave up on myself. Just leave me here.』He was practically begging at this point.“You're not the type to give up.”『Not the... you think you know me…?』He wanted to flee from his despair. Should he just let them take Komaeda, they would probably settle for a deal like that. How could he convince Junko he was boring? How could he get her to leave him?  Even if it meant being unable to escape from loneliness afterwards.In the past, whether he was challenging foes, fleeing madness, trying to make friends, transferring schools, asking for the help of others fate had not cut him the tiniest slack. What could he do?Nobody believed in Kumagawa.Nobody expected anything from him.He was entirely unwanted, a child that made everything more complicated for everyone.His involvement was a guarantee things would turn into a mess.Yet, selfishly, again and again he had tried to involve himself in the affair of others.He’d ignored, brushed it off, seen his own stupdity and smiled, and thus arrived at his current state. Accepting everything but despite fighting again and again he never once confronted any of it. He did not know how to confront it.He had never been at the same school for more than three months, transferring to twelve different schools with hope’s peak as his 13th. He had never stuck around long enough to made friends. None of the teachers paid attention to him. He had to study and catch up with 13 different curriculums, before he would be attacked, ganged up on, and kicked out again.He had no parents. He had no school that he could call his own. Every adult turned their eyes away from him. How was he supposed to do the thing called growing up? Wasn’t it fine to stay a child in this dream land forever if the entire world did not want him to progress in any way?『I didn’t do anything! I didn’t think of anything! I abandoned it all without a care! IThat’s how I’ve been living up until now! I’ve given up over and over again!』Destiny was laughing at him. Even if he stood tall, even if he fell on his knees and begged, if he tried it all on his own, if he tried to make friends, if he confronted everything, if he ran away fro everything, it was all the same end result.『If I was capable of doing things I’d… I’d...I gave up a long time ago that's all it was.』From the bottom of his heart he had always wanted to help others.He wanted to save Ajimu.He wanted to take Zenkichi’s hand and mend the fight between him and Medaka and become friends.He wanted to be happy for Kouki when he left and made friends with Medaka instead.He wanted to keep others from being stolen away, but he could not, fate would not let him. He thought he could endure anything, that he was a heartless doll who did not feel pain, and the end result of that mindset was wearing away what little of him had remained when he came to hope’s peak.He had bragged about how good his endurance was. He had called it his only good quality. He had bet everything on it, but in the end all he did was throw himself into danger on purpose, sabotage himself on purpose, play the victim because that was all he knew.  What he considered his only good quality had betrayed him, turned him on his head and been used to victimize him again and again.To all of that, Hinata had said it was easy to give up.“GIving up is unlike you, Kumagawa-senpai.”There was a light in Hinata’s eyes. A dazzling intense light. The one that always looked so far away from him, the one he had reached for even still. The one he mourned his inability to reach. But, he was wrong about Kumagawa. So wrong it was a veritable farce.『I gave up! I can’t go back to you guys! My hands are empty, everything falls out of them, and then I have nothing left!』Stop looking at him! Just leave him alone! Hadn’t those two done enough to him? Couldn’t they let him run away and be in comfort for once! Nobody in the real world was going to comfort him. They were denying him this, even the ability to cry and give up. Just what did they even see in him? Just the thought of it completely disturbed him, he balshed his hand against the window beside him, shattering it and getting glass lodged into his hand. He further based it against the brick wall, again and again, blood splattering on the wall. 『Do you see this? This is what I am? This is all I am! I can only bash my fists against the wall! I have hope even though I’m powerless! I keep trying when I only make things worse!』It was not a matter of talent. Everyone had at least one thing they could do right, but not him. Everyone had at least one place where they belonged, where they could find refuge, but not him.He was the lowest of the low as fa as society was concerned, and yet he had always saw himself of deserving of the happiness far above his station. He looked at people who struggled to improve their lives, who turned their suffeing into talent and happiness instead of blaming others in pettiness and then said Yeah I deserve some of that. 『I… I hate myself. I convince people to depend on me, even though I can’t do anything but feed them lies. I’m full of myself even though I’m incompetent. 』Smiling to deal with the pain? What a joke. It wasn’t strong to smile frivolously in a serious situation. He was making light of things to hide, he was scared so he joked and ran away, he never faced a single thing seriously, he never tried hard like Zenkichi did. If he did he was sure things would have turned out at least a little bit better.『Unable to do a single thing, yet still I’m the super high school level complainer. I’ve always failed others, but when others fail me I feel like I have the right to bitch and moan! Who gave me the right, really? What’s the point of prolonging such a shameful life.』Unable to raise himself up he just dragged tothers down. He blamed them for his lack of ability. He tried to find fault in everyone else to protect his banal, paper thin, pride.『I’m empty you know. I’ve got nothing else inside of me. Do you know what I did… To try to improve my situation? I didn’t do anything. I didn’t do one little thing. With all the time, with all the freedom I have, I could have worked hard at something, I could have improved some part of myself and helped others with that part like Mikan-chan, but I didn’t do anything. I blamed everybody else around me for my inability to help myself, and this is the result! The result is the man who beat the shit out of you while laughing like manaic!』The world around him started to crack. From above the twinkling lights of stars came crashing down, and a stage light a large one with an iron bar still attached crashed into the earth to the right of Izuru. In every glass window fo the city scape that Kumagawa reflected in, the glass cracked over and over again.『I’m powerless, talentless, but it all comes down to me. My rotten personality that can’t make anything out of this. I want others to want me just like this, without changing anything about myself, without having done anything before, conceited doesn’t even begin to describe it, I was lazy and imposed on other people to give me a sense of self worth. I just led them along anyway, knowing there was nothing I could do from them, because I wanted someone to believe in me...I couldn’t be kind like Nagito-chan and push them away even though I knew what would happen to anybody I got involved with.』His lies were all gone, his bluffs stripped away, the hollow sense of pride he had as a loser was crumbling away. His reflection was breaking apart to pieces in the many windows around him.『Even so, I… Even being the wretched existence I was. I wanted them to want me around. I wanted them to say ‘It wasn't your fault!” That’s all it was! That’s the only reason I kept throwing myself into danger like that! I wanted to believe it wasn’t my fault that I kept losing, that it was someone else, it was everybody else, not me but… It was all just self harm in the end. I was just putting on a show to cover up my embarrassment at how pathetic I was, at how much I wanted to hurt my pathetic self. I was dressing it up in a stage play and casting myself as the noble, suffering, anti-hero, but I don’t have a role like that. It was just an excuse to hurt myself. Other people were just an excuse to hurt myself.  I don’t have principles I believe in, I don’t have people I want to protect, it all changes from one moment to another based on what’s most convenient for me, what’s most comforting for me, what will make me look cool, I’m a liar down to the bone and that’s never changed! It can’t change, because in order for it to actually change I’d have to do a damn thing! 』A sick and disgusting child.No wonder the adults always looked away from him. He had just thrown a tantrum for attention.Looking at himself, reflecting in the various puddles around him rippling from the falling rain drops, looking honestly at himself, all he could think of was how much he wanted to vomit.Those adults were right for turning away his nauseous existence.If they had comforted him, if they had tolerated him, he would have gotten worse.He wanted Junko, Izuru and Komaeda to see him as a fraud.He wanted them to see what a boring, self interesting, nobody he was.He wanted them to realize there was no grand secret to him, he had been an uninteresting parasite all along.It’s not like accepting all of those traits and admitting to them finally would make him want to improve. Even if he left this place, he would just fall back on the same excuses again, he would just continue to do nothing.The easily bored girl looked at him again, and went.“Duh. Tell me something I don’t know. Who said you're allowed to insult yourself though, only I'm allowed to do that.”And slapped him hard across the cheek. Hard enough that his head turned.『What was that for?』 Why was she still looking at him, he was boring. He had ignored Junko for so long in this world, wanting her to realize what he was doing and ignore him. Suddenly her hands reached forward again, and her nails wrapped along either side of his head.She pulled his face in forcefully and buried it in her chest, embracing him. “You always let me rest on your lap and run your hands through my hair when I have a headache. No matter what you’re doing, you drop it and just sit with me even if the headache lasts for hours, and I’m being bitchy but in a boring way not a fun and clever way the entire time. I love spending that time with you, I should be bored enough to drill a hole in my skull but I’m not, I’m laughing.”Kumagawa’s cheeks against her warm chest, feeling a single bit of warmth in the world of cold rain, in the world of ice, he continued to listen.“I love your voice. My heart gets warmer from every single word, everything you say is so stupid it somehow never fails to make me smile. Your eyes look like dull, predictable clear water, the kind of eyes a dead fish might have at first, but they sharpen at the most unexpected times and whenever they do I know you’re about to do something amazing.”He ignored the rain, as suddenly there was a shower of words around him.“I love your hands. Your fingers are all rough and torn up, they’re crooked looking so they probably have been smashed a few times before, it was amazing watching you break them one by one without showing anything on your face at all. There’s scars on each of your knuckles, I can’t imagine what kind of thing happened there. When I hold your hands, you always hesitate for a moment as if you’re afraid to touch me, and then you cling tighter than anything. It’s like you expect to be hurt but then you always reach out anyway, stuuuuupiiiiiiid.”『Stop it, I know what you’re doing..』“I love the faces you make when you sleep. You always look so terrified. I could just listen to you sleep for hours and be entertained, and I almost don’t want to wake you up but then I remember being awake is way more of a nightmare for you. I love all the scars you show me when your body is naked, and I love touching them and teasing the with my fingers, hey, hey you still haven’t told me about a bunch of them. I want to learn every way that you got hurt, and every person that hurt you before this. Every piece of misery you have I want to make it my own.”『Junko. I know you. I know that you only say nice things to people when you want to hurt them.』His heart was screaming. All he wanted for Junko to do was reject him, to throw him away like she had threatened to do so many times. 『Why do you… Why do you always do the opposite of what I want?』“Why do you always do the opposite of what I want? It’s more interesting that way. You told me all the things I hated about you, so I told you all the things I love about you. If you start telling me all the things you love about yourself, I’ll be sure to cut your ego down to size and tell you exactly why I hate you.”『None of that is real.』“You’re right I’m doing this stuff to hurt you. I’m getting this close to push you. When people are pushed, that’s the only way to make them do unpredictable things.”『I’m lame. Lame, lame, lame, lame, lame.』“You should stay out of balance, you should stay unforgiven, all of those flaws you carry Misogi the reason you didn’t throw them away is because they made you who you were.”He had fallen over and she had fallen on top of him. Slowly she was crawling over him. 『I’m the only one who knows about me! I’m the only one who knows how terrible I am!.』“You only know about you, you can’t see the Misogi that I see!” He red eyes focused on him. “Are you saying I’m wrong? Are you saying my interest is misplaced. You don’t get to decide that, I do. You don’t get to decide what I want, I do. I came to this decision all on my own. I’m the one who sunk my claws into you.”『Enough of this evangelion crap! You don’t understand human psychology just because you watched some deep anime!』“Even if you were to change though, I’m sure that new you would be just as interesting. I’m sure some part of me would change too, because we share the same world. We’re two halves of the same world. Any change in you is going to be reflected in me and vice versa--”『Fine, you want to rant about evangelion so badly!』Kumagawa pounded his fist into the earth as hard as he could. This time however, instead of a brick wall that refused to break, the earth itself cracked and shattered to pieces. 『This is the lowest level, haha! Didn’t I tell you! We can always go lower!』And so, Enoshima Junko and Kumagawa Misogi.Once again embraing each other.Plummeted lower, lower, and lower, fell into blackness.The square rows of stagelights in the sky above him, collapsed under their own weight and began to all on top of them. They cast spotlights that began holes in the foor of the world a moment later when they crashed down.A boy was walking behind Medaka-chan, and Zenkichi as a part of their student council having finally gotten along with them.A boy exchanged his suisou uniform for a reserve course uniform as he tried to infiltrate Hope's Peak, with Emukae, Shibushi, and Gagamaru at his side.A boy was sleeping with a manga volume over his face and dreaming of Ajimu Najimi, while Saki-chan attempted to wake him up. He was slacking off from his duties as class president.A boy was standing next to Ajimu Najimi, walking to his first day of middle school class. She pointed out interesting people in the crowd that she wanted him to make friends wth, a boy who destroyed everything, and an older brother who analyzed everything including his little sister obsessively.A boy was walking alone, dragging a stuffed rabbit behind him. He was walking to go sleep in the pile of trash he called his home.People were utterly replaceable to him. He was always replacing them. Always surrounded by others. He could not stand to lose them.He drifted from one situation to the next never changing. He always fought even though he claimed to want peace, he stepped on others with strength even though he complained about being weak, he was a contradiction like that. After all that life long journey, after changing places, and meeting different faces so many times he did not learn a damn thing.The images floated by Kumagawa as he drifted down. He had a sensation like he was drowning, and tried to swim up to the surface, only to see hands reach out from every direction. They wrapped themselves around him and dragged him down further, touching every centimeter of his body. Exposing him. Drowning him. As he was dragged under the water he stopped fighting back.As Kumagawa fell he saw a flash of white. Ajimu Najimi was in the water with him. She held out her hands as if to embrace him for a moment and he felt his body brush past against her, but in the end she did not reach out for him and she let him drown..“Kumagawa.” A voice spoke in his head.He had no idea where his self was anymore but for some reason he could respond. 『I can’t. I’m terrible.』“It’s okay. You’re not alone in your terribleness. I’m your equal in being terrible.”『Leave me alone. I don’t want to be this person anymore.』"A world consisting on yourself is boring, that’s why we rely on others, even if it’s just for entertainment. If you can learn to rely on someone the world will grow and grow. Let's go back to the world of you and me." 『I can’t! A big world’s too much for me! So many people are going to hurt me!』“That’s why I want you to believe in me this time. That’s what our relationship is. Push and pull. When you’re strong I’ll be weak, and when I’m strong you’ll be weak. You’ll take everything from me and I’ll take everything from you.”『My… my other half? But I’m just imposing upon you! I’m forcing you to be with me! I have to let you leave by your own free will! Don’t you understand what I did! I was worse than Yasuke-chan! I imprisoned you here, and wiped your memory fifty one times! I bragged and taunted Yasuke-chan again and again but in the exact same situation I did far worse.』“...”『I can’t undo what happened in those games.』“I know.”『I’m not interesting at all Junko. I’m a coward. I’m such a wimp. So petty over the slightest offense. So weak. All to protect the world’s most fragile ego. All to protect my pride over nothing..』“I know all the things you are. This is you, isn’t it?”They sunk deeper and deeper into the water and even though she knew he was dragging him down she refused to let go of him. Suddenly, Kumagawa Misogi washed up on a beach. Had he returned? Had he returned to that island?When he climbed out of the sand, he saw that he was nothing more than a child. His hair was white again, he was wearing a white long sleeved uniform, but he had no rabbit to carry around. Even though he had been running away from her for a moment ago, when he saw nothing but a sand beach around him he got so scared he began to look for her.He searched everywhere for Junko but she was nowhere to be found. He drew a circled in te sand, and gave up, forgetting that he was ever an adult. An adult who acted like a child should just regress to the body of a child, this was more fitting for him.In his tiny circle he tried to play. He tried to make a sand castle, only for it to collapse on him all on its own.“Hey. You suck at that.”A teenage girl stepped over the circle he had drawn around himself quite rudely, and then stepped on what little remained of his sand castle.“Can you see me? I don’t want you to look away from me again. I don’t want you to ignore me.”『Stop it you’re just a murderer.』A spear rose up from the sand.Softly like a whisper. "I love you." 『You’re only going this far because it benefits you.』Another spear stabbed forward. "I love you."『You’re just treating me like a possession.』Another spear stabbed the girl who smiled like a wolf. "I love you." 『You’re just indulging in your own twisted value.』Then another spear stabbed her, her body twisted back and forth like a rag doll. "I l...lo..."『You build yourself up like you were born to spread despair, but that’s all lies! You’re just a shallow narcissist! It’s not about despair, just your own reckless egoism. 』Another spear, until he had stabbed as many spears of Gugnir that had been stabbed into Mukuro, plus one lance of loginus. "I love you." 『You’re just an ugly empty girl. We should be together because we’re both equally terrible, what kind of joke is that?』The spears retreated and Junko’s body sagged onto the ground. She was still looking like her normal self, from that bloody mess a single hand moved forward, like a snake slithering through the sand. “Please… hold my hand.”『Junko… are you there…?』Then suddenly there was nothing of Enoshima Junko. There was no corpse left behind, there had never been any spears, nor a disembodied voice. There was just one cloud of pitch black darkness. He was willing to say anything to get her away from him, but the moment she began to cry he wanted to take it all back. She was probably just throwing a tantrum at being rejected. Only Junko would be so petty as to throw a tantrum to reject her entire ego form, and refuse to deploy her AT field anymore and deny all humanity to turn into nothing more than pitch black despair. 『Trying to do the thing from end of evangelion was a stupid idea. The borders between people’s egos, their ego defense mechanisms is too strong, isn’t that what you’d always say? Ugh now I’m quoting eva.』He sighed, looking at the cloud around him. Junko probably preferred being a pitch black cloud, an unfathomable darkness, something that looked like despair itself rather than being a human being. 『You’re forgetting what you looked like. You went too deep into my ego. You always acted like you have such a strong sense of self, an ego that stomped over others and yet you’re trembling like this. You always acted like you wanted to disappear but you look... sad...』He reached forward into the cloud, and pulled out Enoshima Junko’s hand, covered in red nails. He pulled her out of it, and she was standing before him, a child of not even four years old with two small red pig tails. She had landed on what was left of his pitiful attempt at a sand castle, completely destroying it.『You know. I don’t have a mother, or a father. To me the closest thing was Ajimu-san, but she abused me didn’t she? She took me in as an older sister, so she should have taken care of me, but in the end it was always about her, her needs, her boredom, and then she made me feel like it was my job to save her life. I was just a middle schooler.』Kumagawa was now holding her hand, looking a lot taller. The sides of his head were shaved and he wore the high collared uniform of ark middle school with a red presidents sash around one his arms.Junko was wearing a greed middle school uniform. She had not quite grown up yet, so her red hair was still in tiny pigtails. The top button of her uniform was unbuttoned and her skirt had gotten shorter. She was not yet wearing fake nails though, so she held his hand normally.“Hey, Misogi. I only went to that school to destroy it. My days there weren't fun at all. One day passed predictably to the next, while everybody around me told me every day should be so full of peace, so full of boring.”『She abused me just like you abused Mukuro-chan, but you know what really scared me? When she started to treat me kindly. When I started to feel positive emotions towards her. I thought it was all fake, that my heart was lying. I don’t think it was all just to save her when I ripped her face off, part of it was I couldn’t understand why I loved this person so much. This person that hurt me and helped me in equal amounts.』“But, I pretended to be a student for so long I ended up liking my classmates. There's no point in killing someone you don't care about right?”Kumagawa looked to the side and saw that he was in the uniform of suisou middle school again, the uniform he wore when he first met her. His hair had grown a lot longer on both of the sides, and one side of his hair was uneven. His hair had grown to be shaggy, uncomed and unkempt, though his uniform was a neat and clean pitch black with a yellow high collar.Ryoko Otonashi and forgotten she was holding his hand for a moment. He had to go after her and snatch it again, and drag her back to where she was standing before she wandered away again. She had long red hair that fell down at her sides. Her hair was parted in a jagged part that obscured one of her eyes. She was wearing a carefree expression of a girl that did not even think about hope and despair. She was the kind of idiotic big boobed girl you would run into on the first day of school."Isn't it the same for you? Didn't you like that school...?"『After transferring to so many schools, I finally found you and that school. If I could have stayed at that school a little longer, it would have made all the suffering in my life worth it.』"That's a stupid thing to say."『Haha, I know, but good luck, talent, success, none of that matters to me really. But there was someone who loved this person without asking anything in return.』"Now that's just the delusions of a romanticist, a romantic lie." 『It's true you demand everything from me.』"Yeah, so? What do you want back? If you're going to sell your soul to the devil you should get something out of it." 『You're not the devil Junko. You're just a girl, and I'm just a stupid boy, but if you want to be a witch then I'll be the devil with you. I... I want to go back, I don't want to go back...』I want to go back.I don't want to go back.To those school.To those fragile days.To those days that I know will come to an end once again. The two of them were standing on the beach of Jabberwock island again, a ruined sand castle in between them. Her heels were stepping on it. The hand Kumagawa was clutching was only Junko's severed hand not attached from her body. 『Say, Junko. I don’t want to return to the real world with you. Even if we were born into entirely different circumstances, and met again in the next life, we’d still probably turn out exactly the same. We do nothing on our own to change ourselves.』“Misogi.”『I’d just suffer once more. I don’t want to keep mistaking, getting hurt for love. I’ve had enough.』He finally let go of her hand.The severed hand dropped uselessly into the sand, and the water of the beach watched away. However, she still reached after his with her sole remaining hand. He was wearing a reserve course uniform with a black and white tie. His hair had gotten a bit longer, and he was as tall as he was ever going to get one centimeter shorter than her. He no longer wore the president’s sash around his arm, as he had graduated from Suisou, and from Medaka’s student council. He only wore that black and white, his connection to that black and white girl.Enoshima Junko had blonde hair, red at the roots if you looked closely. Her hair was tied up in pig tails with little black and white bears on each pony, black hope and white despair. Her skirt was red and plaid and she wore it short enough that her plump thighs were still visible. The hand that she reached out to him with had red pointed nails at the end.『Even so. If you want to see me again no matter what.』Her hands were still reaching for him, so he reached back for her in return. Just as their hands were about to touch -『If your desire is really that strong. If you’re true to that desire then. Be sure to make me smile!』He turned and smiled at her.His smile was like pure light.Guided by that simple desire.He didn't want to go back, but he did.To the school where Kumagawa MIsogi could finally have the "normal school life" that he had always wanted.Even knowing that it would probably end soon, again. Something else would come to drag him away.He wanted to reach that ending with a smile at least. So, holding his hand.So, holding her hand.The two of them returned to finish the sand castle together. Somewhere behind them, a young girl with red hair and twin pigtials, and a young boy with white hair and dead looking eyes were working on the same sand castle.When they were finished, Junko stepped on it.She held out her hand again.Kumagawaa took it.So, holding onto her.So, holding onto him. They walked back into the sea again and swam back to the surface. JIzuru had finished prying Komaeda off of the wall with his bare hands. Komaeda whispered soft apologies for troubling him, and the marks it created on his hand. Kumagawa was resting on Junko's lap, his body sprawled out around her. When he heard the change of wind, and the sound of rustling cloth that always heralded Ajimu's appearance, he twisted his body around just a bit to look for her, and instinctively twisted his body around Junko, holding her with his arms protectively. “Are you sure about this, Junko-chan? I find it difficult to comprehend your desire to have Kumagawa-kun back to the point of pursuing him so recklessly. Isn’t he the one that’s supposed to pursue you. If there’s some rationale behind it I’d like to know.” Ajimu Najimi said, standing on the sole iron beam that was left standing. “There is none. There is no reason at all. I simply follow my desires. Even a non-human like you should find that hard to comprehend. At the end of the day, I always get what I want.” Junko said, as she petted the Kumagawa Misogi that had laid his head in her lap. He ran her long fingernails through his hair separating it carefully.“Upupupu. Of course after all of this,  he wants to go on dreaming like an idiot it’s not like I can mind control him. Apparently that’s not allowed anymore, ugh. I guess I can go back to destroying the world if I get too bored again.”『Like I’d let you. You didn’t have any fun destroying the world last time, Junko.』“That’s your only problem with my last statement?”『Yeah, I mean why do something that you won’t be able to smile at in the end.』“Oh that’s right. Death games are no fun anymore. It gets dull after fifty two times. I’m a girl who gets bored easily, I’d even get bored of a world of nothing but despair.”『Hmmm, maybe we should just destroy the world and recreate it again.』“You shouldn’t say that like it’s so easy.”『You’re the last person on earth that gets to complain about making things out to be easier than they are! The last person! Everything’s easy for you!』“Yeah, the only thing that’s difficult is you.”『You don’t get to complain about being difficult either. Get down on your knees and apologize to Mukuro-chan, and keep apologizing for the next seventeen years. Ultimate Dogeza!』“Nah, don’t feel like it.”『I’m sorry Mukuro-chan, I’ve failed you!』Kumagawa rested his head against her chest again. Junko did nothing to resist it, she wrapped an arm around his shoulder. 『There has to be something interesting in that real world. I’ll keep looking as long as you do. If you were to die tomorrow, I’d be fine with tomorrow being the last day of my life. If you were to live through today, I will also choose to live through today.』“If you were to die the day after tomorrow. Then I’ll wait just long enough to tell somebody about what a pathetic life you’ve lived, and share a laugh over it.”『Ah, I’m glad. Then my life will have amounted to something.』Ajimu Najimi clicked her red heels together.The world around them melted. It dissolved entirely.A world was destroyed. A world would be reborn again soon. It turned out despite all the drama destroying a world was a rather easy thing to do, or maybe it was just that way for blonde teenage girls. Enoshima Junko.Kumagawa MIsogi.HInata Izuru.Komaeda Nagito.Their hearts melted as well.My eyes peeled open. There were tears in the corner of my eyes and quickly I had forgotten what I was crying about. There was a silhouette watching over me as I regained consciousness. His hair was long and fell over obscuring most of his body except for his eyes that glowed underneath. A very handsome horror movie monster that could crawl out of my tv. If he ever did crawl out of the tv of unworthy trash like myself I would ask him on a date. "Ahhh... Kamukura Izuru...?" I muttered through trembling lips. Rather rude of him, not to kiss me awake after all of that fuss. Already figuring most of the situation out, I raise my... er Junko's left hand connected unfortunately to my own unworthy arm with rushed and soloppy bandage works. "No, you're uh... Hinata Hajime-kun, right?" He takes my hand rather easily.Too easily. Jeez, what a shameless and presumptuous guy as always. "I suppose I should thank you for waking me up? I knew you'd make it to the lowest stratum, I believed in you-"  Immedaitely, I remembered what was more important than me. "How are the others?""You're the last one out, well second to last. There's someone even more sluggish than you." "Those two are helpless on their own. We should make sure they don't get up to any more trouble." In the hallway, Fuyuhiko had been waiting. Most likely he did not rush to Hinata's side to wait by the hospital bed because he did not want to give too strong of an impression that he cared. One of his eyes was scarred, probably from the rushed surgery Izuru had to give to remove it. "You were in there long enough." He said arms crossed. "What kinda dream were you having without me?" "Sorry, sorry to keep youw aiting." I close my eyes and smile innocently like a cat. There's not a drop of innocence in my body so I doubt such a mask will work, or even come off looking cute as intended. Before he could reply, I threw my arms around him leaning my head against his shoulder. A completely unnecessary embrace.I can't read the room as usual."The hell're you doing?" Fuyuhiko says, trying to save face.For once I don't mind being this socially clumsy. "It wasn't a bad dream, at least." "Yeah... Yeah... You know I heard you get taller when you sleep, so why am I this size still and why are you still such an awkward giant? Seriously, some guys have all the luck."  He followed the rest of us to watch in the door way of the final patient. The most difficult one. In the race for waking up he was definitely last place. Kumagawa Misogi woke up. His head rolled to the side, and he saw two sisters on either side of his bed. The family he had found after wandering for so long. He struggled with the headset around his head for a moment, and then looked back to Mukuro and Junko.Despair Sisters.He stumbled out of his bed towards them. Even emaciated and broken as his body was he was still able to move it the same as always.He threw his arms around one of them.“Hey, how come you always run to hug Mukuro first!” Enoshima Junko whined.『Because she’s the better sister!』Kumagawa Misogi smiled.Komaeda Nagito sitting in the doorway of the room, could not help but smile either as Hinata Izuru leaned over his shoulder. After all those long days of observing, he was finally able to observe such a warm sight in the world of ice. I decided whatever happened next, could continue on without this annoying, overly introspective, and emo narration so let's just leave the story at that for now. However, their happy ending was short-lived as both boys woke up to bad news. "Ajimu Najimi has committed suicide." and- "While you were asleep the world has ended." Before either of them could even respond to the news, the bearer of bad news knocked them out. Shuichi Saihara otherwise known as Shiranui Saihara readjusted his cap and then thanked the fact that Junko and Kamukura were too preoccupied with their recovery project, allowing his people to make their move while the two biggest pieces were knocked off the board. Nobody said the world you were going back to was a pleasant one. A happy ending followed by an unhappy ending. Isn't that just your luck, Komaeda?
THE KILLING GAME WILL CONTINUE. 
SEE YOU FOR THE 53rd KILLING GAME.