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“You know, Jack, you should say 'I love you' to Archer more often.”Griffin rolled his eyes. “Don't call me 'Jack', Lavender.”Lavender only looked a little more miffed. “You let Archer call you Jack, and we've been friends longer than you two have been in a relationship.”“That's because people will think you and I are the ones in a relationship, since we're not related,” Griffin pointed out.“Only the people outside the Society will think that.” Lavender then cleared her throat. “But back to what I was saying earlier. You ought to tell Archer you love him more.”“I do tell Archer I love him.”“Well, not enough, according to him.” Lavender put her hands on her hips. “That's what he told me, anyway.”Griffin had been scribbling away in his notebook throughout the conversation, but that last statement caused him to pause. He turned to look at Lavender. “...What?” he asked. “Archer told you that?”“He did,” Lavender said. “Said you didn't say it enough. Not to mention, you're kind of unable to say it when he tells you around the others.”“...I don't like public displays, he knows that,” Griffin said, turning back to his notebook. However, he didn't write just yet. “Why did he tell you this and not me?”“Well, he thought you would call him silly, and I'm the only other Lodger you actually bother to have a conversation lasting more than five minutes with.” Lavender walked over to him. “I know you aren't good at expressing your feelings. But Archer wants to know why you don't tell him, at least.”Griffin pursed his lips, gripping his pen tighter.That idiot. Didn't Archer know he could talk to him about anything? Rather, didn't Archer know he really wasn't very good at expressing things that way?“If he wants an answer, I'll be the one to tell him,” Griffin replied. “You don't have to.”“Oh – alright.” Lavender said. “I hope everything goes well between you two.”Griffin didn't say anything to that. He only nodded. Well, Griffin had expected himself to be going to Archer first thing after Lavender had told him that.But instead, here he was, standing in front of a mirror in his room, trying to practice saying those three damned words.“I love you.”...God, that was stupid. That only sounded weird coming out of his mouth. Why the fuck was he doing this again?“I...love you?”That was even worse. Yet he stared at his reflection in the mirror, and tried to imagine Archer in front of him instead, tried to think about how he would say this to Archer.Slowly, he walked towards the mirror, and before he knew it, he was pressed against it, the cold glass touching his cheek and his hands. But he tried to continue imagining Archer anyway....He knew exactly why he was doing this, actually. He knew that despite people seeing him as a callous bastard who cared only about himself, if someone he loved asked something from him, he would give it to them, no matter how begrudgingly. And Archer wanted him to say “I love you”, and he would give him that too.He had to give Archer what he wanted. He didn't want to be left.“Archer...” he said slowly, “I...I love you.”It still felt forced, though.“Wow, you can say that to your mirror and not to Archer's face?”Griffin nearly jumped, and turned around. It was Helsby peeking in through the open doorway. He groaned. “You should fucking knock, even if the door's open,” he said. Then he looked at Helsby. “What do you want?”“Nothing, I just wanted to tell you it's tea time, but you weren't in your lab,” Helsby explained.“Pidgley brings me the tea personally; she and you both know I don't spend tea time with you lot. What's the real reason?”“Arch wants to see you. He wants to apologize for things.”“Right.” Griffin crossed his arms. “Then why do you know about me and my issue with those three words?”“Eh, Luckett overheard you and Lavender.”Fair enough. “Fine,” Griffin said. “I'll go.”As he walked out of the room, Helsby turned to him, an oddly serious look on his face.“Hey,” Helsby said. “Make sure you do tell him you love him, alright?”Griffin waved him off. “I don't need to be told by an idiot who spent a part of his life being rejected because he couldn't court people right.”“That stings,” Helsby said, trying to laugh. But then he waved as well, and walked off without another word.Griffin listened to the sound of his footsteps vanishing, but only for a second before he went on his way. In Bird and Archer's lab, Archer was waiting for Griffin, sitting at the table in the center of the room. When Griffin came in, he looked up, and faced him.“Oh, Griffin,” Archer said. “Sorry about getting Helsby to tell you to come see me. I just...thought you wouldn't want to see me if I came to you personally.”“Right,” Griffin said, closing the door behind him. “And you didn't want to tell me about my issues with expressing myself, so you told Lavender to speak on your behalf.”“Yeah...” Archer twiddled his fingers together. “That's what I wanted to apologize about. I was being irrational.” He then nervously laughed. “I should have brought it up with you myself. Or at least come to apologize myself. I should be able to talk with you about anything.”“Hmph.” Griffin crossed his arms, and then looked down. “...Don't act as if you think I did nothing wrong that led to this, though.”“What?” Archer asked. “No, you didn't do anything wrong.”“Well, if I didn't, you wouldn't be so concerned about how many times I tell you I love you, now would you?”“Griffin–”“Because I do love you, Archer,” Griffin went on. “I want you to know that. But you think I'm bad at expressing myself. And if you think that, then there must be no hope for me, right?”“Griffin – no.” Archer stood up and came closer to him. “Don't say that.”“You don't think I love you because I don't say it enough?” Griffin asked, now feeling a pain in his chest. “Fine! I'll say it as many times as you need until you believe it! Just don't–” he swallowed, and felt a lump in his throat, “–don't...”Archer hesitated to come forward, though he did raise a hand to try and reach him. “Griffin – Jack,” he said gently, “are you crying?”Tears were already welling up in Griffin's eyes, and he averted his gaze. But he willed himself to finish his sentence.“...Don't leave me,” he said softly. “Don't leave me, please.”Archer looked at Griffin, distraught. He reached forward and took Griffin's hands in his own. “I love you, why would I leave you?”Griffin wanted to pull his hands back, but he couldn't – the warmth of his hands was so comforting, and he didn't want to pull away. He tried to hold back, but one tear came rolling down his face, and then another.“I can't say it back,” Griffin said. “I try, Christopher, I really do. But I can't say it as easily as you do!”“Oh, Jack,” Archer said. “I never meant to make you feel this way. You don't have to say it if it makes you feel uncomfortable.”“I do,” Griffin replied, “because what about you?”“I'll live,” Archer said. “What really matters to me is you, in the end. But I'm glad we talked about this. It's much better than guessing how you feel.”Griffin sniffled, and nodded. “God, I must look so pathetic.”“You're not.” Archer looked him in the eye. “You just love a whole lot.”At the sound of that, Griffin nodded again, and this time came forward to pull Archer into an embrace. It felt like the tightest hold he had ever had on Archer, as if he had no intention of letting go.
I love you.
Griffin clutched tighter at Archer's coat, crying over his shoulder. Archer reached up, and returned the hug, rubbing his back soothingly.
I love you.
Even as he was calming down a little, he still couldn't say it.But...did it really need to come out of his mouth for him to express it?
I love you.
When the tears had finally stopped falling, Griffin pulled back, and wiped his nose on his sleeve. He looked down again, and put his hands in his pockets.“...I should've figured,” Archer said, and Griffin looked up at him as he continued, “You've been telling me all along.”He sniffled, and shrugged. “You still probably want me to say it, though.”“Not anymore.” Archer said. Then he came forward and kissed him on the cheek. At this feeling Griffin relaxed, and finally mustered a smile.Archer then pulled away to look at him, and grinned as well. “Better?” he asked.“Better,” Griffin replied.Archer then nodded. “Come on. I hope it's not too late to ask Rachel to bring us some tea.”He held out his hand, and Griffin took it. And as they walked out of the room together, Griffin felt a little lighter.