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It’s time. It’s
been
time. They’ve planned and strategized and stayed up, hanging their heads in their hands in exhausted silence in meeting rooms at three in the morning. They’ve talked time and time again through all of it, just the two of them, with various members, as a group, with managers and executives.
It feels right. It’s nerve wracking and Johnny’s hands have never shaken this hard in his life and he most
certainly
had to take some of those weird herbal pills to calm down and be able to go through the concert without breaking down.
It feels right and it feels liberating and it’s so
exciting
- to show their love to the world.
They finish performing “Limitless” and scurry off the stage to change clothes. The rest of the members are waiting backstage, already changed. Some of them immediately give Johnny meaningful looks, offer water and encouraging pats to his back. The most important person in the room holds him back in front of the dressing room and gives him the most tender, passionate, meaningful kiss he’s given Johnny in a while.
They have about five minutes to get changed and they’re back up on stage. Eighteen chairs are on stage now, in two rows, regular ones in the front, tall chairs in the back.
They run through some jokes and other scripted things in their ment. Johnny does his best to laugh and follow along, but he sits on his hands to keep them from trembling. Thankfully, nothing scripted was given to him and the members swiftly avoid having to give him the mic. Ten leans in and their shoulders brush.
The microphone ends up back in Taeyong’s hands and he clears his throat. He’s swaying a bit in his chair, side to side, setting a light tone.
“Czennies...we need to become a bit serious for just a moment,” he starts and there’s a murmur from the audience. “But it’s nothing bad, nothing bad, I promise…” Taeyong’s looking around the crowd, then at his members. “Well, you know that we are like brothers, NCT are brothers. We’ve known each other for a really, really long time.” Cheers fill the arena. “And with Czennies’ support we work really hard and we support each other. And we’ve all become really different people and have...grown and developed in different ways. And I’m really, really proud of each and every one of us.”
He pauses and the fans cheer and he’s smiling, looking at the members again. Johnny feels like he might just shit his pants.
“But tonight some members have something to tell you. And it’s really, really important. And I’m really, really proud of them, and I know our Czennies will support them and give them lots of love when they tell you. So, Johnny…”
The microphone makes its way to Johnny and he accepts it in his sweaty palms. He takes a deep breath and steadies himself. He can do this. A reassuring hand is on his shoulder, though he doesn’t know whose.
“Yes, uhm…” Johnny’s smiling at the ground, hardly a clue where to start, despite the hundreds of hours he’s spent practicing. The silence stretches and fans cheer to encourage him. He pulls his earpieces out. He takes a deep breath, “Czennies, I’ve had a big secret that I’ve kept from you. And it’s not a bad secret, it’s one of those secrets that sometimes you just want to keep to yourself for a while before you tell others. And I’m finally going to tell you. It’s a really important secret to me…And whatever happens tonight, I know Czennies will love and support us the way you always have.”
The crowd cheers, there’s a shout of
We love you!
somewhere from the front of the pit. Johnny stands and takes a few steps forward closer to the audience. His black shirt sticks to his back. His hands are shaking visibly.
He’s looking at his shoes and really carefully picking his words, the same words he rehearsed so ardently.
When the silence stretches again, fans cheer once more, and he breathes a laugh into the microphone. He looks over his shoulder at the members, for encouragement, and they all cheer too. Yukhei starts clapping so loudly and Yuta is pumping his fists in the air as everyone joins in the cheers and Johnny feels like his heart is going to punch out of his chest. Have the projectors always felt so hot on his skin?
“Ten, come stand next to me,” Johnny says, half in the microphone, and Ten gets up and steps closer until he’s right by his side. Johnny can barely look him in the eye, feels so strung out, like one look at Ten’s gorgeous face will melt him. But then he does glance at him and Ten is smiling like a fool and it’s his Ten, his Ten who is just as crazy nervous. They share a little look for reassurance, and the fans are cheering again and Johnny looks up.
“Everyone, we sing a lot about love… Most of our songs are about love. And that’s because love is great and we’re all looking for some form of love and hoping to find a special somebody out there. And some of you may already have a special somebody and you know how wonderful that is. Everyone…” he laughs again and the cheers are louder. He hears one of the members shout out
Go Johnny!
behind him, and he’s just so warm all over, this is
it
, this is the moment. He can barely keep the microphone from sliding out of his hands. Beads of sweat trickle down his neck. He looks at Ten and Ten nods.
“Everyone, I also found my special somebody.”
Gasps ricochet through the venue, then some scattered cheers, then deafening silence, but he’s on a roll. There’s no stopping him now.
“And this special somebody is somebody I’ve known for a long time. And he makes me feel like the happiest person on Earth, so I wanted to tell you all about him.”
More gasps, some cheers, confusion has descended upon the crowd.
Johnny looks at Ten and Ten’s smile is brighter than any sun that could ever exist. Johnny interlocks their fingers. Their palms fit together so well, Ten’s smaller one in Johnny’s, like they always do, like they have for years. It feels so
right
.
Realization crashes over the crowd and there’s a mixture of gasps and shouts and cheers and screams. Lightsticks are coming up in the air, arms are waving. Johnny can hear the members cheering behind them.
He’s laughing and he feels so light. He can’t stop looking at Ten and squeezing his hand. He can’t help himself when he leans over and presses a kiss to Ten’s cheek and feels him squirm a bit and grin even wider and the screams of the crowd have never been this loud.
“Czennies, I hope we can give you the best versions of ourselves always, but being the best versions of ourselves also means being true to who we are, and being authentic and being open and not having secrets,” he can’t look at anyone but Ten. “So I feel...
ecstatic
that I can show you this part of myself and tell you that I love this man and that loving him means the world to me.”
He passes the microphone over to Ten and feels like he’s almost deaf to the cheers now.
“Czennies, Johnny is the one who is really good with words, so I didn’t prepare much to say,” Ten starts after a moment of kicking at nothing and bracing himself, still grinning. “But I want you to know I’m also so very happy to be here next to him telling you about our secret. And I also want to tell you that, really, the best is yet to come and I hope Czennies will be by our side and will support us as we love each other and share this journey with you.”
Ten finishes his sentence with a nervous laugh and his shoulders roll a bit, making him look even smaller, and Johnny wraps his arms around his frame and holds him so tight and when Ten lifts his head to look at him there’s no hesitation and their lips meet in a brief, chaste, charged kiss, before they hug again and turn back to the crowd.
The roar of the fans is even louder now, impossibly so. Johnny’s head is spinning a bit as they bow and look at each other and laugh and then he notices movement behind him and the members are coming forward. Soon, he and Ten are enveloped in a crushing group hug and Johnny is so light, so happy, and all of his emotions are swirling in a hurricane of feelings and thoughts that he knows he won’t be able to parse through until much, much later in the day.
He realizes he’s having trouble breathing because there’s little sobs of relief making their way up his body and the wetness on his cheeks is tears. As they part and spread out, it doesn’t escape Johnny that Jungwoo and Donghyuck are both with their backs to the crowd, dabbing at their faces.
They’re moving around and there’s staff members on stage, pulling the chairs away until only two remain.
An arm slings over his shoulders and it’s Jaehyun, a mic in his hand.
“Czennies! We just heard the most beautiful love confession in the world! And it’s only right that we follow it up with an appropriate song! Do you know this song?”
The easy tune of “Touch” spills from the speakers all around and the crowd is roaring and Jaehyun smiles at Johnny, rubbing the back of his neck, before stepping away.
It’s cheesy, but it’s the only right way to follow up revealing their relationship to the world, so Johnny and Ten sit on the chairs in the middle of the stage and the members perform around them, loosely following the choreography, but mostly having fun and serenading the couple.
There is nowhere else in the world Johnny would rather be, than sitting right there, surrounded by his family and holding the hand of the love of his life.