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She's a small kid, sitting huddled in the corner of a videogame store twenty minutes from the house of a client who's giving him more trouble than he's worth. It's snowing a lot more than the weatherwoman announced in the morning news and from the small layer of snow covering her hair to the thin coat she’s wearing, nothing about the girl makes her look appropriately dressed for the cold.Joel moves despite himself. She looks at him with something he is very familiar with – the internal struggle between running or fighting, because standing where you are may as well be a death sentence."I won’t hurt you,” he promises, offering his hand as a gesture of peace. She doesn’t take it. “Where are your parents?”She turns her head left and right. No. No to what? Joel lays a hand on her shoulder and she recoils, stumbling on her feet to get away from him. She takes four steps before falling with a short scream and his stomach churns at the smear of blood under her chin, how she trembles and cradles herself, trying to shield her body from something he can’t see."What– kid, what happened?"She shakes her head again. He wonders how long she’s been like this, in the open cold and hurting. Some part of him must miss being a father, for him to feel broken like this. He doesn’t know this girl, why is he even –The medical staff and the woman she asked for – Marlene – insist she’s going to be fine. After everything is said and done, after he’s thanked over a thousand times, he stays. The room she’s in is white, smells of medicine, and has nothing but a bed, an uncomfortable chair, and a TV that goes off air more often than not. Still, he stays.Over the course of two days, Joel learns a lot of things. Ellie is fourteen. She loves comics. Her favorite color is blue. Her least favorite, yellow. If she had a cat – no, she wouldn’t have a cat, because they make her sneeze. But if, if she had a dog, she would name him Milo.She almost killed a man who tried to hurt her.Good.Marlene comes in when she’s sleeping, the mud of her boots leaving stains on the pristine floor. He remembers her, her with Tess, sharing the glory of a successful deal. How naïve of him to think he would never see her again. She sits on the corner of the bed, resting her gaze on Ellie’s face with equal precision and detachment.“Always giving me trouble,” she puts a lock of hair behind her ear. “How long are you gonna keep doing this?”On the third day, he overhears an argument between the two of them.“Fuck you,” comes Ellie’s voice, raised just on the right range to attract anyone who passes by her room, including him. “You wanted to get rid of me since day one!”“Your mother, she –”“Fuck her too! She left me, and you’re leaving me,” her tone turns monotone and full of emotion all over again, threatening to spill with every word. “That’s all any of you ever do.”“I’m not leaving you. I'll visit.”"You won't," Ellie gives a lopsided smile, shaking her head in disbelief. "You won't even tell me where you're going.”Their words blend with the sound of the footsteps of the medical staff and the coffee is turning cold in his hands.It’s not his place, to hear this.The next day, Marlene sits on the hood of her car. She turns towards him when he approaches, her posture almost soldier-like.“Take her with you.”Joel almost laughs in her face, but like a miracle, he doesn’t. Instead, he furrows his brows and makes vague gestures with his hands. “You can’t expect me to – she barely knows me.”“I know you. Ellie will have to deal with it.”Marlene clicks her tongue when a smothering silence follows her statement.“Tomorrow morning.”He lightly tilts his head towards her voice.“She’ll be discharged. And she’ll either go with you or be out in the streets. Your choice.”Ellie doesn’t protest, doesn’t swear at him, doesn’t do anything that implies a streak of bad behavior like Marlene claimed. He can’t, in good conscience, leave her alone to her own devices. The world can be cruel. He doesn’t need to tell her that.She’s quiet on the backseat of his car, disentangling her earphones and looking everywhere but at him. Joel can tell how tense she is, and he’s sure that if she were in a better condition, she would throw herself out of the car and run miles after miles. Marlene already gave him a fairly huge financial aid for his trouble and the only thing stopping him from dropping it on Ellie’s hands is that he doesn’t trust her to hop into a bus to never be seen again.He didn’t ask for this. Neither of them did. If anyone can be blamed, it’s Marlene and her unfair choices.Ellie’s got little to show off. All she’s got is a rundown backpack, some clothes, a switchblade he wishes he’d never seen, and three or four comic books. On the way, he lets her buy whatever she wants, but her shopping spree doesn’t turn out as he expected – she gets what she absolutely needs, and only that.“Like it matters what I want,” she says when he points it out. “Piss off.”He calls Tommy later that night. It’s the worst idea he’s had in ages, and he brought a kid he doesn’t know home.As it turns out, she’s an amazing student. Ellie catches up with her peers with an alarming speed, and other than the occasional fight and swearing, she doesn’t give him much trouble. For that, Joel is immensely grateful for. She helps a lot in the house, clumsy as she is, and she's taken to his old guitar like a fish to water. He comes home one day to see her sprawled on the couch, watching a video on how to play guitar, and immediately offers to teach it to her himself.This, maybe, he can do right.Sometimes, she brings home things she doesn't own, deeming him too oblivious to notice it. Ellie never steals anything expensive – her explanation being I'm not that dumb, Joel. Still, her habit is one hard to break, and it irks Joel enough for him to have a serious talk with her, the first of many. The less involved he is in problems that don’t belong to him, the better. But what use is it, when he’s already that deep in the mud, he wonders. They’re on a trip to Tommy’s house in the middle of fucking nowhere, and Ellie doesn’t stay put for more than two minutes."You know what, old man. Your music taste isn't bad at all.""I told you,” he scoffs and half drives, half throws a blanket at Ellie. “You’re gonna get a cold if you keep your window open like this.”He pushes her hand away when she flips him the finger, warning her to not do that in front of Tommy’s wife unless she wants to get them thrown out of the house. Ellie lets out a loud, shaking laugh as she busies himself with her new phone. Not too long after she decides she absolutely has to go to the bathroom and takes her damn sweet time in a gas station before disappearing in a convenience store.Ellie boasts about how good she is at driving when Joel complains about his back killing him, and that’s when Joel understands why exactly she brought him his favorite chocolate bar."You're grounded for the rest of the year."He speaks as soon as Ellie opens her mouth to argue. "Scratch that. You're grounded forever.” There's a picture of a girl in his wallet. It's not the first time Ellie has seen a picture of her, with her blonde hair and blue eyes, both an angel and a ghost. The door to the living room opens just slightly and before she can pretend she’s never, ever stuck her nose where she wasn’t supposed to, Joel walks towards her in long, forceful steps.He tells her to leave.Ellie doesn’t get too far before he brings her into a hug so strong she feels it in her bones. caveman dad [16:01] Bring;cv. Milkellie [16:03] what the fuckold man learn to type Joel’s seen her clinging to a yellowed piece of paper like it’s a heaven-sent gift. When she went on her first day of school – a school Marlene handpicked for her— his curiosity won over. Her mother’s handwriting is messy at best, and she writes with the clumsiness and love of a new parent. He was in her place, a long time ago. It must mean the world to Ellie, to hold the proof that she was held and loved, even for a short while.When Marlene comes back, she knows exactly where to strike.Ellie’s hands shake with rage and disbelief and he knows.He feels it, too. Four months later, she comes home one day with a puppy under her arm. It was raining, she argues. He's just a baby. They settle on letting the dog stay for one fucking night, then Joel will bring him to a shelter and that's the last thing they'll ever see of the small creature with a tail that never seems to stop wagging.She protests, of course. Joel meets her voice with equal stubbornness, because he does not want white fur all over his new couch, he's busy enough as it is, and Ellie isn't exactly the paragon of responsibility."I'll take of him, I promise!""Girl, you forget to tie your own shoelaces. You really think you can take care of a dog?"She promises to be good, so good - she'll bathe him, and take him to walks, and train him to not pee on the carpet and she'll be so so so responsible, Joel, please –The damn dog stays.caveman dad [09:26] Was ,that your girlfriend.ellie [9:26] whocaveman dad [09:28] You know who.ellie [10:01] we're just friendscaveman dad [10:48] Friends do,nt k issellie [12:54] fuckwe need to talk joelcaveman dad [12:57] ELLlie you literal ly have a pride flagOn your. Room
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Joel’s spent so much time interested in anything but women that when he mentioned Esther once, Ellie brought up a hundred questions about the nature of their relationship and for how long he’s been seeing her and if she even knows Ellie exists – questions that Joel took mere seconds to shrug away.He made sure to clear up any misunderstandings she might have made up in that over creative mind of hers, but when comes home to the sight of Joel smiling at his phone, too concentrated in whatever's going on in there to notice her, surely she’s allowed to doubt his claims.Ellie removes her muddied shoes, putting them side by side by the door, and walks as quietly as she can towards Joel.“Hi,” she leans her head on his shoulder, standing on the tip of her toes to look at the phone screen. “What you smiling at, old man?” She draws back and crosses her arms over her chest, tilting her chin at him when he doesn’t reply. “It’s Esther, isn’t it?”“She, uh, invited me to see her play,” Joel lets out a forced cough as he sets the phone down on a wooden table Ellie helped him build. “She invited you too.”“God, you’re oblivious,” Ellie rolls her eyes in annoyance and jumps on the leather couch, watching him open the oven to check on their dinner. “She doesn’t want me to go, for fucks sake.”“Language,” he warns before sitting on the empty spot next to her.Ellie looks closely at him, frowning at the sight of his unshaved beard. “If your beard grows one inch more, I’m going to shave it on your sleep.”“Esther likes it.”“Of course she says that, old man. She wants you to ram her into –”He holds one hand up and another to his forehead, rubbing the space between his eyebrows in even circles to soothe a growing headache. “You can stop there.”“Whatever,” she shrugs, “I got shit to do.”He watches Ellie as she retreats upstairs, probably to the waiting pile of homework she left in her bed, and decides there’s nothing wrong with trying. The worse thing Esther can do is never look at his face again and put an end to the strange relationship they’ve built in two years.He goes on a first date with Esther. Then a second and a third.When she goes to her first pride parade, Joel kisses her forehead and tells her to have fun, but he knows little about daughters in relationships and even less about daughters in relationships with other girls.He gives Ellie the talk after she brings a girl home.It goes worse than expected.There’s a nice place around the corner of the street of their new house. It’s comfortable, cheap, and though he likes it better when the owner’s daughter is not there, it’s his favorite place to be other than his own living room.The sight of the curly-haired, smiling girl – woman? – behind the counter almost makes him spin on his feet and run. He doesn’t feel like talking about the weather outside, or smiling, or confessing the utmost secrets of his soul to someone he barely knows.He opens his wallet to pay for his coffee and she leans her head to look more closely at the small pictures secured on the inside of his wallet."Your daughters?”Joel nods, not bothering to elaborate."They're lucky to have a father like you." ellie [15:32] JOELangelina joelie [15:34] Yellie [15:34] guess what i didangelina joelie [15:35] Yesellie [15:35] [photo]angelina joelie [15:39] I thoug,htYou webre Joking.ellie [15:39] cant handle having such a cool kid?????? cowardwant a tattoo on my assmoney pls$$$$$$$ angelina joelie [15:43] You,re giving me a;h,eadacheIt seems counterproductive to remind her – Dina, she can’t, won’t forget her name – that they actually saw each other before, when she hit her ass on the ground after Milo tangled his leash around her ankles."Ellie,” she breathes out her name, relieved the woman in front of her doesn’t seem to recall their first meeting. “Can you get me a coffee? With lots of sugar and cream.”“Sure,” she says and turns to a tall, black-haired man. “Jesse?”“I swear, Dina, if you keep—”“I can and will fire you if you say anything.”"You know your mom would fire you first,” he scoffs, giving Dina a stern look that seems permanently etched into his face. "You owe me one.”“Yeah, yeah. So, Ellie,” she shifts her attention to Ellie and leans her chin on her hand. "You've got a sweet tooth, don't you?"“It’s for my dad. I don’t really like coffee.”Ellie’s never reacted well to being the center of someone’s gaze and the way Dina stares appraisingly at her makes her palms sweat and her cheeks redden with the slightest blush. It’s a more unpleasant feeling than she remembers it to be.“Do I have something on my face?”Jesse shoves a steaming coffee cup on her hands before either of them can say anything more, but Ellie doesn’t move an inch. Dina busies herself with packing something to-go and shrugs Ellie’s protests about not bringing enough money to buy anything other than coffee.“It’s on me,” she smiles and turns to Jesse when he snorts. “Stop that.” She pushes a small box of cupcakes into Ellie’s hands, who does a terrible job of ignoring the warmth of her fingers against her own. "Tell me if you like this.”There’s a drawn heart on the upper left of the box and that’s when she knows she’s absolutely fucked.ellie✌ [09:21] why didn’t you tell me the coffee girl was cuteangelina joelie [10:11] Told youellie✌ [10:13] shut upangelina joelie [10:14] NoLeft a shop;.ping list at h[HOMEBring,it.ellie✌ [10:21] suredon’t forget to get enough calcium for ur bonestheyre begging joelfor mercy angelina joelie [10:28] -_,-ellie✌ [10:29] -_-The shop is even more crowded than when she sat on the chair hours ago, the coffee – that she drank because Dina made it especially for her, or so she claimed – is long gone with a lot of effort from her part, because not even Dina can make the beverage good. She comes to the realization she’s overstaying her welcome and to make it worse, she didn’t finish half the homework she had started.It’s a terrible combination of Dina being herself and the afternoon sun being too warm to be comfortable.Ellie gathers her materials in one hand and puts them away on a navy blue pencil case she stole from Joel, storing it away in a backpack along with the pile of books and notebooks she spread on the table.“Ellie!” Dina exclaims from behind the counter before making her way to the kitchen. She comes back with a large-sized pastry with more peaches on it than Ellie deems adequate. “Let’s talk a little?”“What do you want?” she comes off more defensive than she expected. What does she have to gain from all this? “Sorry –”"I want to know more about you." Dina closes a fist around Ellie’s wrist when she takes a step back, closing the distance the other girl is trying to keep. "Don't run.”She comes home hours late than she promised she would. Joel notices, of course he does. She busies himself with petting a jumping Milo to avoid whatever commentary he’s planning to give."Something more going between you two?"[08:02] Ellie?ellie[13:36] who are u[13:38] Dina!! From the shop!! :Dellie [13:59] oh hiso[14:00] Can you come to the shop again tomorrow?I have something to show you.ellie [14:06] wIll goJoel chooses that exact moment to come back from work and she barely saves her phone from meeting a terrible fate. “Hi,” she greets him, trying to not raise suspicion. “I brought coffee.”“Thank you. Any news?”She debates on whether holding the information to herself or not, but knows all the same it won’t take him long to find out. What a terrible liar she is. Ellie closes her eyes and leans back on the couch, removing her leg from the table when Joel gives a little tap on her knee. “Dina texted me.”“The coffee girl?”“Yeah. How the fuck did she get my number?” Ellie looks at him with a worried frown. His lips quirk up slightly for a flicker of a second and he looks as satisfied with himself than she’s ever seen. “Joel?” Ellie shoves his shoulder with all her strength when he lets out a rare full-blown laugh. “Joel!”Dina looks at her expectantly when she takes the first bite of a pumpkin pie. The pieces crumble before she can get them to her mouth and Dina laughs as Ellie sweeps the crumbles away from her face, her lap, the colorful tablecloth – everywhere, really.“So?”“It’s good. Why did you invite me?”“Stop thinking so much,” Dina frowns to herself, an expression of annoyance passing through her eyes and leaving as quickly as it came. “Feel the moment, Ellie.” She brings a hand up to remove a strand of hair stuck on Ellie’s mouth. “You need to do more of that.”Ellie chooses to take a bite of the nearest dessert in the table instead of saying something that will make her look dumb in front of her crush, or whatever the girl in front of her is. The taste of sweetened cherries explodes on her mouth and it’s almost too sweet for her liking, like everything Dina does.“I like this one better.”“Me too,” a small smile forms on her mouth, making the dimples on her cheeks deepen. She narrows her eyes and points to a spot next to the corner of her own mouth. “You have this – Ah.”Ellie stands up straighter and roughly rubs one hand over her face, reaching everywhere but where Dina had pointed.“It’s still… God, Ellie." She reaches out to Ellie, running her thumbs several times above the trail of cherry jam before cleaning her hands on a flowered apron Ellie’s seen her mother wearing before. “There.”Ellie stays stuck to her seat, wanting to retreat into herself so hard she’ll disappear without warning.“You know, mom never lets me bake. I personally think this is good.”“It is,” Ellie replies, her eyes falling to her sneakers. “It is really good.”She leaves too late, something that’s becoming a habit when it comes to their meetings, and Ellie wonders when exactly they stopped being strangers. It’s got more to do than her almost daily gifts – her pastries and croissants and the coffee Joel loves so much.She protests when Dina once again emerges from the kitchen with six cinnamon buns, securing them closed on a package with a thin red bow. “You’ll go bankrupt if you keep doing this.”“Worth it,” Dina presses the package into her hands and she can’t tell whether the warmth that creeps up her neck is a blessing or a curse or just embarrassing. “Goodnight, Ellie. Come back again tomorrow?”sugar mommy [18:39] [photo][photo]Which one? 😊ellie [18:41] redsugar mommy [18:41] You sure?You don’t think it’s too bold?ellie [18:44] dinaits just nail polishsugar mommy [18:44] Just nail polish?????????Oh okayDina complains every single second about her hair being a mess and mosquitoes biting every piece of exposed skin even though going on a hike in the hottest day of the year was her idea. Jesse insists Ellie she’s just fine and in need of some pampering, but Ellie never told him she’s developing a crush the size of the world on his ex-girlfriend and would gladly take on that duty.Some things are better left unsaid.“This is why I broke up with you,” Dina lets out an annoyed, huffed sound as she takes barely avoids falling into a pile of rocks. “Asshole.”Ellie runs between the two of them to stop Dina from purposely stepping on his feet. “Stop it, you two,” she scolds. “We’re almost in the creek.”Dina strips out of her clothes as soon as they’re greeted with the sight of water and Ellie avoids her gaze to falling anywhere inappropriate, a difficult task when Dina is covered with little but her hot pink swimming clothes. Jesse falls right after her, splashing water everywhere, earning him more complaints from Dina – who insists he will be the one to spend hours brushing her hair.Ellie buries one hand in the water as she breathes deeply, feeling the air in her lungs. The air is still there, not gone, not lost underwater. “It’s not deep, right?”Dina swims towards her and reaches to caress the inside of her wrists. “It’s shallower here. C’mon.”Ellie lets herself be pulled her into the water until it reaches a little above her chest. She holds Dina’s hands tighter, trapping the other girl in place. Dina doesn’t go farther or teases her about it like people usually do, she just – just stands there, still holding her hands, the sunlight making her eyes look brighter than they are.At the end of the day, there’s a reddish hue to Dina’s nose and cheeks, her expression tired and content under the shadows of the trees. She leans back on Ellie’s chest as Jesse drives them back home, smelling of stolen blueberries and nature.She’s still wearing the flower Ellie had tucked in her hair hours earlier.
Well, fuck.
sugar mommy [02:17] So, Ellie.What keeps you up at this hour?ellie [02:19] not yousugar mommy [02:20] Denial is the first stage of love.ellie [02:21] what have i doneto deserve thissugar mommy [02:21] Something holy 😉 ellie [08:44] [photo]not my crush [08:46] MILO!!!!!!!Bring him hereeeeellie [08:47] your mom will kill me if i do thatnot my crush [08:48] You're breaking my heart :(I want to see youellie [08:48] cheesynot my crush [08:49] I’m serious!ellie [08:56] comingwith milonot my crush [08:58] 🐶 ❤️ The flash of a camera makes Ellie wake up from a nap she didn’t even realize she fell in. She rubs the corner of her eyes and pushes the expensive looking camera away from where it’s uncomfortably close to her face.“I’m sure I look stunning with ink all over my face and dark eyes the size of the moon.”"You always look stunning,” Dina says, sheepish, and brushes an untameable lock of curly hair out of her eyes. “I mean it.”Silence falls over them and it’s haunting, magnetic, like she’s back in the party she got drunk enough for the lights – red green purple blue pink – to tangle together, between the crowds of people and the bright neon wristbands. Her eyes flick down to her lips, to the hemline of her shirt, and Ellie swears she leans forward just a bit too close for comfort. Like she’s going to – “Dina!”A group of women wearing ridiculous dresses swarm around Dina, checking her all over and smiling so hard their cheeks must hurt. She can’t remember their names even if they were mentioned over twenty times in less than two minutes, can only feel herself breathe as she picks the underside of her nails, trying to take her mind out of Dina, Dina, Dina.
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Dina sits in front of her, holding her left hand in place before Ellie can smudge the nail polish – the pink nail polish. She brushes the excess polish on the edge of her nails with a cotton bud and holds her hand closer to the natural light coming from the window. Dina analyzes her handiwork, finding flaws where Ellie sees none.“I feel like a thirteen-year-old girl," Ellie says, finally freeing her hand from Dina's grip. The other girl grabs a pillow from Ellie’s bed to support her head before laying back on the floor, putting her feet on Ellie’s lap for no reason other than annoying the hell out of her. Both of them know damn well any movement will leave Ellie with a smudged nail she’s too lazy to fix.“Hate you.”“Love you,” Dina shoots back with a cheeky, full smile.“Dina, are you okay?”Save for the light coming from an open laptop and a heart-shaped lamp, her room is completely dark. Ellie touches Dina’s shoulder and her attention snaps away from the screen and to Ellie.“Don’t know,” she mutters, blinking slowly. “I feel weird.”Ellie lets out a frustrated breath and takes a pen out of Dina’s tightly closed hands before closing the laptop shut with a thud. Her bed is a mess – her whole room is, even the treasured dressing table she got years ago – and most of her plushies found a new home in the floor, with the piles of discarded papers and sticker notes.Ellie puts the plushies on the nearest chair and grabs a crumpled bedsheet to make her more comfortable when she sleeps. Because she’s going to sleep even if Ellie has to knock her out for that. She approaches Dina, lays both hands on her shoulder from behind before closing all the tabs on events and musicians.“You don’t understand,” Dina protests, not moving even an inch out of her current position.“I do,” Ellie answers, her brows furrowed in annoyance. “You’re overworking the shit out of yourself.”Dina closes her eyes with a sigh when she falls on the bed, caressing her sore temple and freeing her sweaty hair from a dark red scrunchie. Ellie isn’t intending to leave when she walks to the door, but Dina asks her to stay anyway. ellie [10:54] r u feeling better?didi [10:58] Kinda. Thank you for yesterday <3ellie [11:00] good 2 knowim in class rnsee u later?didi [11:00] Would love to!!Also, buy me food ellie [11:07] u deserve itI was worried abt uu didnt even answer my messages _l_ didi [11:08] Sorry… ☹You know I love you!!ellie [11:14] teacher keeps looking at mebrbShe’s gonna get Joel someday for being a terrible gossip. It takes a whole morning for Ellie to convince Dina’s mom she’s not burning down her whole kitchen and yes, charred food goes to the trash and not to her daughter’s plate. As she holds a phone with a recipe on one hand and a wooden spoon in another, Ellie decides it can’t be that hard to make something edible.The fire alarm rings less than twenty minutes later.Dina comes out of her room with a reddish nose and holding the buttons of her shirt together, looking at Ellie quizzically as she fills pots after pots of tap water. Ellie fills a cup of water for herself when the dishcloth stops catching fire and wipes the sweat off her forehead, letting out a string of curses as she does so.She flips the finger to Dina when she starts laughing so much her stomach hurts.“You—” she starts, interrupting herself with a chuckle she failed to stifle. “I tried, okay,” Ellie explains herself. “Fuck you.”Dina’s arms wrap around her waist and she leans her chin on her shoulder, muttering thanks and I know you tried and plenty of things that mean next to nothing when her mom’s favorite dishcloth lays charred in front of them.Despite her closeness, Ellie could care less about catching a cold. Maybe Dina’s mom will grant her mercy if she looks terrible enough. “Do you think she likes me?”“Of course.”“I mean—like, like?”“That’s something you gotta ask Dina,” Joel shrugs in response, “But for the record – yeah, I think she does.” ellie [21:33] hey jessewanna go to the moviesdick [21:37] Is Dina going? ellie [21:37] yeawhy?did u fight??dick [21:39] I’m just not fond of being a third wheel.ellie [21:41] what the fuckfuck youur literally the only one thinking thatdick [21:41] Oh, Ellie.You sweet, sweet summer child.ellie [21:42] _l_anywaypls golook im even gonna send u the sad dina emoji☹dick [21:43] Dude.Never.Her dark blue suitcase rests in the trunk of Tommy’s car and Joel looks as if she’s going on a permanent road trip or something, even though she’s only going to the middle of nowhere for two weeks.Fucking college.His arms are crossed over his chest as he talks to Tommy and Ellie wonders what it will take for these two to start acting like brothers again. Slow progress is still progress, isn’t it?“We’ll miss you,” Dina says, moments after jumping on her back and almost causing Ellie to crash in the ground, reading glasses and all. Jesse comes right behind her, giving a slap to Ellie’s shoulder that shakes her whole frame.“Ellie,” Joel calls, motioning to the empty space Tommy left next to him. Jesse lets out a low whistle and tells her to just go, or else.“Be careful out there.”“I know, yeah,” she sits on the sidewalk, propping herself up onto her elbows as she glares at Jesse. “Aliens and stuff.”“That’s my hometown you’re talking about, kid.”“Exactly.”Joel sighs, asks her to check if she’s not forgetting anything for the thousandth time, and tells her not to give Maria trouble unless she intends on ending her study trip too early. It’s just two weeks, but Ellie already misses home.didi [18:23] You there? ellie [18:23] yadidi [18:23] I miss you ☹ ellie [18:24] miss u too didi [18:24] I’m serious!!!!!!I really do miss you. ellie [18:27] its just 2 weeks dinaslkfjdklfjdskdidi [18:27] Feels like forever ☹How did I live before you?ellie [18:28] sadlydidi [18:28] I want to hear your voice 🌸 ellie [18:34] uhhhhdidi [18:35] Can I call you?ellie [18:41] hang onmarias heredidi [18:42] ☹ Ellieeeeeeeellie [18:55] okdo itHer phone rings – God, Ellie keeps forgetting any sound comes out of it – and she’s greeted with a moment of silence after a short, muffled hi.“Dina?”“Yeah? I’m just – shut up, Jesse –”The sound of a door being closed comes from the other line.“Jesse’s being an asshole now that you’re not here. Can’t wait to have you back.”“You two are made for each other,” she adds and promptly regrets it. Stupid.“I don’t know about that,” Dina replies, letting out a long, dramatic sigh. “How are you?”“Good. Put my hand up in places it should never have been, but I’m good.”“Gross!”Ellie thinks of Dina’s scrunched face and smiles despite herself, tapping her nails – sky blue, this time – on the wood of the bed frame.“How did the event go?”“Pretty well. Mom loved it…”“Joel called me this morning. I told him you broke both your legs.”Ellie tries to ignore his kid, Olivia, sneaking peas out of her plate and into hers. She’ll let it slide once, and maybe tell Maria everything when she comes back from work. She was right about Tommy spoiling this girl rotten.“Tired?”“Kinda,” she replies, slapping Olivia’s hands away from her notebook. “Your horse gave me hell.”“She’s a feisty one, alright.”Tommy brings his daughter a coloring book and she makes use of it on the floor next to Ellie’s chair instead of the table. “She likes you, El,” he says, stroking the girl’s pale blonde hair. “Liv was feeding you with peas. She loves peas.”
Oh.
“Dina, what are we doing?”“I don’t know. I think we—we need to talk. When you come back.”It’s no coincidence the only time Milo behaves badly is when Dina is over. He jumps on her as soon as she steps inside the door and ignores Ellie’s commands to sit and come here and stop before I give you up for adoption.“It’s okay,” Dina says, scratching the favorite spot behind his ears. “He likes me. Don’t you, boy?”Judging by the way the dog jumps around Dina as if she raised him single-handedly, he really, really does like her.Dina gives Milo one last scratch on his ear before reaching to touch the strands of Ellie’s newly cut hair. “I like this look on you.”“Thanks,” Ellie mumbles, “Maria did it.”“Tell her I loved it,” she smiles, gives a soft pat to Ellie’s reddened cheeks. “Let me in.”Milo follows after both of them, his familiar steps echoing in the room. Dina grabs the suitcase that’s still resting at the bottom of the stairs before going to Ellie’s room and spilling the contents of the suitcase on the bed.“You’ll find my drugs.”“Shame.”“Seriously, what if you find a vibrator there?”“I’ll spray both it and you with holy water.” needs to shave his beard [15:34] Elliedon’t let dina c,lhoose the pizza. ellie [15:34] damn ikrwill doalso i know u skipped breakfastdon’t do it again“Look.”Ellie shows the screen to Dina as they share a bag of chips in her bed, under the promise everything will be cleaned right after. Ellie’s room is already a mess as it is.“Can’t believe Joel betrayed me that way.” “Well, he’s not wrong.”“The audacity.”Dina leans closer to her, eating a chip Ellie was holding in her hand before she could get it to her mouth.“There’s a party tomorrow. You coming?”Ellie shifts uncomfortably, the heat of Dina’s legs above hers heavy and crushing. “Parties aren’t my thing, Dina. You know that.”“It’ll be fun!”Ellie doesn’t associate parties with fun. It’s more like, Dina and Jesse get very, very drunk and I have to stop them from ruining their lives. Dina traces the sunburn spreading on Ellie’s shoulder and if she’s trying to convince Ellie to do something, she’s doing a damn good job out of it.“I want you to be there.”Dina smiles when Ellie meets her eyes and her resistance breaks just a little. Or a lot. “I’ll think about it.”Her smile only grows as she gives Ellie’s hands a soft, reassuring squeeze. “That’s all I ask for.”“Don’t drink and drive, that sorta thing.”She gives Joel a half-salute before checking the contents of her pockets. If she forgets that key again, she swears to God—“And remember, safe s—”“Okay! Geez!”After a car trip consisting of a crowded car, Dina sitting on her lap for the very same reason and having to keep herself from touching the supple skin just above her reach, she really, really needs to drink.She’s lost Dina in the crowd long ago, Jesse is chatting up a girl not too far from her and now that she thinks about it, it’s better to ignore everything but the drink in front of her, swirling and familiar and with an effect that’s worth less than it costs.A hand closes above her own, and she looks up to her fucking crush – love, best friend, who can tell at that point – with sweat dripping down her neck and the toothy grin she always adorns when she’s about to do something Ellie won’t approve of. She sets down Ellie’s drink on the nearest table and drags her into the crowd she’s been observing for almost as long as she’s been here."I can’t dance, Dina.”Dina just holds Ellie’s hands tighter and faces her as she keeps walking backward.“Live in the moment, remember?"Ellie manages a small, sheepish nod, and allows her body to encircle her waist as respectfully as she can. Dina steps on her sneakers enough times to make anyone sane consider stepping out, but Ellie’s a little out of it herself, barely avoiding from stepping on the other’s girl’s shoes because everywhere she touches might as well strike her like lightning. A drop of sweat falls on the collar of Dina’s shirt and Ellie tries (and fails) to not make her gaze too obvious.Dina’s excited, quick steps falter and she drags Ellie to the door they had entered in, to a street filled with cars Ellie’s definitely seen around town. Damn extroverts. Ellie gazes into her eyes, clear and bright under the street lamps, her reddened cheeks – is it the alcohol, or – and she doesn’t know what to say, never does."Can I kiss you?"Her lips are slightly parted, inviting and brave and everything Ellie always wanted to be. She leans down, closing the few inches between them, and sighs against her mouth when they meet. It’s a little awkward, at first. And so very different from the playful kisses they’ve shared before, in Truth and Dare games and under the excitement of New Year’s fireworks.Dina tilts her head and wraps her arms around Ellie’s neck, chasing her lips even when she pulls away to recover some of the air that was knocked out of her. When she finally needs to breathe herself, Dina brushes a lock of stubborn hair out of Ellie’s eyes before placing a smiling kiss on a freckle on the shell of Ellie’s ear.Ellie tastes the grape flavored lip gloss Dina favors, feels it stick to her mouth in a way that’s more endearing than uncomfortable. A raindrop falls against the exposed skin of Dina’s neck and she shivers, causing Ellie to wrap her arms around her for what feels like the first time.Dina nuzzles her nose against Ellie’s as a thanks, catching her in a slow kiss that makes her head. It’s only when the rain really starts to get on her nerves that they get inside. Dina doesn’t give any flashy goodbyes and kisses to her friend’s cheeks for once in her life and leaves in a hurry Ellie’s never associated with her before.Their walk back home is clumsy and exciting and she covers Dina’s shoulder with the jeans jacket Joel insisted she brought – the old man was right, it really did rain – and Dina interlocks her arms with Ellie’s, glowing.Her house is the same as it has ever been, except now she kissed Dina by the door and in the table covered with lace and it’s nowhere near to all the places she had wanted to kiss her before, but it’s a start. ellie [03:17] joelim staying over in dinasits raininga lotneeds to shave his beard [03:17] …typing… ellie [03:17] tf are u awakeneeds to shave his beard [03:19] Worried about you.-_-Have fun babygrl.Not too;,much fun.ellie [03:20] ksliepesleep opnlyuonlylove yaDina removes the phone from Ellie’s hands with a soft, surprisingly precise motion, and sets it down somewhere in the bed before burying her head in the collar of Ellie’s shirt.“Don’t wanna get up,” Dina complains, clinging to Ellie. “But I’m sweaty.”She gets up at once despite her words and rummages her drawer for clothes, finding a set of sleeping pajamas in no time. She throws one to Ellie and stops on the bathroom’s doorframe, smiling suspiciously. “Wanna join?”Ellie chokes, reaches a hand around her shoulder to slap her own back and croaks out, “Hell no.”“If you say so,” she removes her top and Ellie instantly turns around, letting out an indignant scream.When she wakes up, the warmth in Dina’s bed is long gone. She leaves the room when she decides she looks and smells like a decent human being and finds Dina watering her mom’s flowers, unaware of the small trickle of water falling in her hemline of her – a size too small – shirt. Ellie doubts that’s the only shirt available to her use, but it’s not like she’s complaining. “Hey.”“Hey, you,” Dina kisses the corner of her mouth, then kisses her full on the lips. The taste of apples and sugar fills her mouth and she dives in for more, until Dina’s mom comes in and they have to move away from each other. Not suspicious at all, she hopes.Ellie forgets the damn jacket. dick [04:01]sg gb HELL fvYEAHFINAL dLY ELLIEFUCKsz YEAHI SAWf IT ellie [15:59] why are u celebratingI kissed ur exdick [22:44] Sorry for the late reply, Els.Headache.Anyway.No offense but you’re oblivious as fuck.ellie [22:51] dude I am so gonna fight umeet me in the pitdick [22:53] For real.I’m happy for you.I’m even going to use the happy Dina emoji.😊ellie [22:54] i hate uso fucking much!!!!!!!ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Joel, don't freak out.”Ellie stops mid-laugh to groan at the pain that spreads on her ribs. On her arms. Legs. It was a bad fall. “That’s like, the worst way to start a call.”Dina chooses to ignore her comment and holds the phone tighter to her ear, trying to figure out what the hell Joel is saying over a call that keeps cutting out. “I think Ellie sprained her ankle,” she says, huffing after she’s interrupted several times. "We slipped — yeah, I know — look, can you just come over and help?"She describes her surroundings to Tommy because as predicted, Joel freaked out. Not that they can blame him. She doesn’t know where they are, the sky is in the middle ground between end of a afternoon and the start of a night and she can’t think about much other than the rumor of wild bears wandering around town.Tommy eventually hangs up and it’s her and Dina, the latter with red cheekbones and forearms and with a functional leg Ellie’s so damn jealous of at the moment."You tried to kill me," Ellie says, rubbing her ankle to relieve the pain. "I'm breaking up with you."Dina sits next to Ellie with a sigh, touching the equally bruised parts of her face. “You kept holding my hand even while you fell down a mountain.”“I kissed you. I can do that.” Ellie brushes a lock of hair away from Dina’s eyes before leaning in and kissing the corner of her mouth, dry after an afternoon of being lost in the middle of nowhere without water. “It wasn’t a mountain by the way.”“Felt like one.”Later, Dina wishes she hadn’t called Joel at all. She watches Ellie and Joel raising their voices at each other and Tommy – poor Tommy – does the same.It’s an awkward trek back. "This is heaven,” Dina sighs, stealing the bottle from Ellie again, a bad habit she never seems to shake off. An earbud falls from her ear and Ellie is filled with a strange sense of relief. It’s uncomfortable to share her music taste with someone who isn’t her dog. "Talk for yourself. I can’t walk.”Tommy approaches without a sound – creepy, really – and takes a long, pointed stare at the bottle in Dina’s hand before grabbing a couple of glass cups he left on the floor, choking back a laugh at their dumbfounded faces. “I’m not gonna say anything. Behave, you two.”Ellie lets out a breath as she watches him leave. Enough scolding for a whole year.“Love you, Tommy. Cool uncle.”Ellie nods with as much excitement she can muster after an argument that left a bad taste in her mouth, playing with the tangled strands of Dina’s hair, not constricted by a hair tie for once. She takes a long, strong gulp before passing the almost empty bottle to Dina, who slaps her arm when she realizes she’s barely left any of it to her.She leans her head on Ellie’s chest, the soft buzz of music coming from the earphones Ellie is wearing and the warmth that seems to emanate from the homemade blanket Maria gave them tempting her to sleep.“I hope there aren’t any bears here.”“Really hope so.” Dina replies before closing her eyes. “What’s with you and Joel?”Ellie doesn’t look up from the song list on her phone. “He’s just a selfish piece of shit sometimes.”She doesn’t seem to want to elaborate, but Dina asks anyway.“Wanna talk about it?”“No.”Dina caresses Ellie’s wrists, presses a kiss to each finger, and falls into a quick nap."Look, there's a difference between old and vintage," Dina tells Ellie's surrogate aunt, Maria, while the three of them watch one of these wedding preparation shows. She looks offended at the thought of wearing the innocent dress, even.Maria crinkles her nose at Dina.
Uh oh.
"I think it's pretty, Dina," Ellie blurts out, giving her a small nudge with her elbow. Maria loves her old shit."Well," she frowns at Ellie, shrugging. "I'm not marrying you if you wear that to our wedding.""Who said I'm going to marry you?""Me."Maria coughs beside them before raising the volume of the TV. The next dress is just as bad as the first – too short, too fluffy, too ugly. Dina muffles a laugh when the bride and her mother start to fight because, in the mother's words, she's not wearing that to her wedding. Dina's flowery dress keeps riding up her thighs and Ellie makes a mind out of pushing her dress down just to prove a point."I know you're awake, Ellie. I'm going to kick you off the bed if you don't move right now."Ellie lets out a faint mumble and holds her even tighter, unaware of how much strength she’s putting in that single act. Dina gives a single kick to her shin that startles her fully awake, and Ellie stops her body from falling off the bed with one arm. "What the fuck!""I told you.” Dina says, still trying to kick her off the bed with her feet.Ellie somehow recovers her place in the bed and rolls on top of her, pinning her whole body with her own weight and muffling Dina’s protests.“I’m so tired.”"Hmpff –""So nice of you to serve as a pillow.""El –"Ellie laughs as she changes to a position that makes it easier for Dina to breathe. She takes a huge gulp of air, her mouth moving a little between each breath, forming words that don't fully come out."You're," Dina mutters before holding a hand up at Ellie and to her own throat, signaling her to wait. "You're no fun.""What did you say?""You're no fun!" she exclaims, fully able to talk after taking a few more breaths. "Seriously, I don't think you're aware of how strong you are.""Hmm."Ellie reaches out for her reading glasses resting on the bedside table before putting them on, earning a curious glance from Dina. Ellie would be lying if she said the attention didn't make her feel amazing. And it helps the attention comes with being able to read the subtitles on TV.“Woa, this looks way better on you.”“There’s a reason I don’t wear it in public, Dina.”Dina leans in to talk to her more closely, their playful physical fight from moments ago forgotten. "Why? You're afraid of being hot in public?""You're all talk, aren't you?"“’m not,” Dina mumbles, kissing down her neck and leaving what she hopes will turn into a huge, purple bruise. Ellie takes in a breath and lets it out slowly, holding Dina’s shoulder tightly.“That was,” she starts, “Um.”Dina smirks, leaving a kiss on her freckled nose before leaving the bed."Try to not dress up too much," Ellie says with an accusing tone, staring at the ceiling to distract herself from the warmth flaring up on her cheeks. "I always end up looking like trash next to you.""Hey, don't call my girlfriend trash!"“I told you so. Giving her coffee was the worst idea you’ve ever had.”“Like you’re in a place to talk,” Dina scolds, successfully holding Tommy’s kid – Olivia – in her arms after she ran what felt like kilometers across her parents’ farm. “I think she learned at least five different curse words from you, Ellie.”“You’re a little shit. What can I do?”“Not say it in front of a kid, maybe?”Ellie shrugs, sipping on the apple juice that’s definitely not meant for her.Dina stops Olivia from getting too close to putting an orange crayon in her mouth.Olivia cries.(je)sse(rk) [21:44] You know what’s the grossest thing I’ve ever seen?e!!ie [21:44] ur face? lmao(je)sse(rk) [21:44] When Di was eating a cereal barAnd you took half of it from her mouthWith YOUR mouthThat was so fucking gross.e!!ie [21:45] jealousy is bad for u <3(je)sse(rk) [21:45] I’m not even joking.That was so gross."Aww, man. Look at this."Ellie holds up a book signed limited edition in bold, huge letters, her lips stretched into a smile."Look, I think you're being real cute and all," Dina says, checking the time on her phone. "But we're gonna miss the train."“Fuck the train,” Ellie scoffs, making her way to an aisle that just happens to be filled with similar comic books. Perfect. “This is the real shit.”She grabs at least ten other comic books and half-sprints to a price checking machine, her face gradually falling as the machine beeps one comic book after the other, displaying what are probably outrageous prices in its robotic lettering.Dina whistles behind her, watching Ellie put her arms on the back of her head after putting every book where she found them.“Uh. Okay.”“Can we go now?”“Okay,” Ellie repeats. “Wait, wait. Your shoelaces. I forgot.”Before Dina can think about moving, Ellie leans down and takes care of the "life-threatening" problem with clumsy, awkward hands. "Don't want you to sprain your ankle like I did,” she explains bashfully when Dina presses a grateful kiss to her cheek."Real romantic, that."“I know, yeah. I’m a delight.”e!!ie [08:04] ugh natalie is being SO annoyingentitled assholedididi! [08:15] Don’t be mean to herI need her money ☹e!!ie [08:16] too badjust told her to fuck off to parisviennaidc“You really need to lay down the sugar,” Dina comments when Joel puts a piece of cake she brought the previous night on his plate.“You sell pastries for a living.”Dina frowns, pointing her fork at him. “I just don’t want you to die or something.”There’s an article about sugar consumption going around in university. Ellie makes a mental note to slip it under his office door.(je)sse(rk) [00:56] You’d be the first to die in a zombie apocalypse.dididi! [00:57] Seriously? You two aren’t over that yet????e!!ie [00:57] id kill u first <3(je)sse(rk) [00:57] You can’t even drive properly.e!!ie [00:58] THIS IS A SENSITIVE SUBJECTdididi! [00:59] JessieShe can drive. Lole!!ie [00:59] yeah!!!!!!!dididi! [01:01] She stole Joel’s car once though.And crashed it.e!!ie [01:01] how do you know that =/dididi! [01:01] 😊e!!ie [01:03] in my defense i just broke an armdididi! [01:04] And the car he had just paid off three days before 😊You scared him to death.Poor papa bear.e!!ie [01:04] hey.........(je)sse(rk) [01:05] KEEP GOINGe!!ie [01:05] DINA PLEASENOShe knocks the open door to his office with a steaming cup of hot coffee in her hand. Ellie longs for before, for the time she just did not know. Joel turns in his chair to face her, muttering a low greeting as she removes a few papers from his table so set down the cup. She observes his face for a moment, eager for his approval, even though she’s convinced she doesn’t need anything from him. Not anymore.“Good?”“Good.” he mumbles like sigh, like sleep.Ellie spares him a smile as a reply and walks toward the living room, where she can hear the sound of footsteps coming from.“Don’t sleep too late."“You too.”She’s either enjoying the attention or is unaware of it and Ellie hopes it’s not the first.When she tells Dina how much it bothers her, she’s surprised. “I should be jealous. Think I don’t see people making puppy eyes at you?”It doesn’t convince her.The next morning, Ellie stands in front of her with a bundle of flowers. It always worked in the movies and books and Dina likes flowers so – so it can’t go wrong, no way it can. She doesn’t need to say anything to show she’s sorry and damn if that’s not a blessing in itself."Oh, Ellie. You didn't have to –“"I wanted to," Ellie interrupts her, having finally found her voice. "I was scared. And stupid."Dina’s face softens and she puts a hand over Ellie’s. "This is new for you, isn't it?""Yeah?” Ellie half-asks, half-confirms, not being sure of anything at the moment.There are eyes glued to her back, sweat already forming in her hands at the realization. Dina’s brother looks at them from the corner of his eye, both curious and wanting to disappear. Dina, always the angel, leads Ellie outside, where their privacy is equally as invaded, except there’s no nosy relative of hers there.They sit on the sidewalk and say nothing for a while.“I really do like you,” Dina breaks the silence. “Sometimes I think I, I love you even.”It would be the stupidest thing to say that she loves her, that she holds no doubt over it. Ellie isn’t hurt like she imagined she would be – she’s glad enough to be forgiven, to be held and kissed often. The alarm in her phone rings, signaling the start of a class. She curls her hand around Dina’s neck as she leaves several kisses over her face and mouth, ignoring the annoying buzzing until it fades away. She smells of flour and coffee and lipstick, kisses her with an insistence she's never had before. Her nails scratch the back of Ellie's neck slightly, making goosebumps rise all over her skin. Ellie tries to reciprocate, tries to make her feel just as good as she's feeling, but the whole world is blurry and unreal, lost between an end and a start. Dina stops kissing her for a second and says against her mouth, “Shouldn't you get going?“Look, I - I like you too," Ellie confesses, her brain struggling to make up the few words she says. "Love you.”Dina murmurs something she can’t quite make out but it’s lovely. She’s lovely, has always been. Her phone rings again – a call from a classmate this time – and she suddenly remembers she has a 1-hour long presentation with someone she despises. Dina pushes her up and gives her a last kiss that feels more like a stay than a goodbye, see you soon.e!!ie [15:49] can u bring me something to eatplsI wont ask anything of ueverdididi! [15:54] Yes!!I’m a bit busy right now but I’ll be there in 30min max?Is that okay for you?e!!ie [15:55] yesthanks loveur the bestdididi! [16:01] Love?OMGe!!ie [16:03] bitchdididi! [16:03] Awww