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Iruka would like to say that he was never surprised when Kakashi did something that was...Sketchy. However, that would be a lie, a horrible horrible lie. The fact was that Iruka on a nearly weekly basis discovered something that his significant other had gotten up to, either from his boss Ibiki or from the man’s teammates. No matter how the information was passed along Iruka constantly found himself at odds on how to address/ignore certain aspects of his lover's personality. Despite knowing it wasn’t a good idea, Iruka generally chose to ignore the majority of things Kakashi got up to that others would find...Bad and that was what probably led up to now.
Today, for instance, Iruka found himself sitting in his favorite chair in their apartment a frown settled heavily over his brow while he tried to find some reasonable way to explain to Kakashi about today’s development, a development that Iruka couldn’t have accounted for it he’d been trying. Any development that concerned Ibiki wasn’t a good thing, especially when it concerned Ibiki and Kakashi. Sighing as he canted his head back against the chair Iruka groaned.
“I thought my days of teaching were over.”
“Are they not?”
Iruka tensed before tilting his head back down to glare at Kakashi as the man settled into his favorite place opposite of Iruka, he hadn’t been there a moment ago. Kakashi was smiling back at him, acting as if he hadn’t just transported himself into the middle of their living room and scared the daylights out of Iruka. The smile on the man’s face made it known that he had no intentions of admitting to what he’d done, traitorous bastard that he was.
“I saw Ibiki today.” Iruka’s flat tone only earned him a raised eyebrow from the silver-haired ninja, when Kakashi didn’t bother asking any question Iruka continued. “About you.”
“You went to talk to him about me?” Kakashi was intrigued.
Iruka shook his head. “No.” The Jounin muttered sourly. “He came down to see me.” Iruka let that sink in for a second. “About you.”
Kakashi reached up to scratch the back of his head. “Huh...What about?”
Iruka glared, remaining silent all while Kakashi stared back at him. A standstill. Ultimately it was Kakashi who finally conceded defeat, sorta. Kakashi chuckled. “Love, I honestly don’t know what he did to make you mad, but please remember it’s Ibiki and he kinda hates the both of us just on principle alone.”
Iruka huffed, he couldn’t argue that still, he shook his head. “Being cute isn’t going to change me having to deal with him.”
“Fair.” Kakashi conceded. “So what did he say I did?”
Iruka took a deep breath, trying hard not to notice how Kakashi had phrased that in a manner so as to not to implicate himself. Steadying himself for what he was about to say, Iruka finally found his voice. “He requested that I speak to you about the improper use of equipment.”
Kakashi tilted his head to the side like one of his ninken if he wasn’t presently having this conversation with the man Iruka would have found the mans penchant for acting like his ninken amusing. Unfortunately, for Iruka, he was having this conversation which meant nothing Kakashi could possibly do to distract him would work.
Kakashi hummed a moment. “What equipment would that be? If it’s about those windmill shuriken, that was on the other captain and technically Ibiki has to foot the bill for that regardless.”
Iruka frowned. “ What wind-Windmil-No.” He shook his head as he desperately tried not to fall for Kakashi’s trap of being intrigued by some other mess the ninja had caused. “No windmill shuriken...And no I don’t want to know about it.” Iruka pointed to the Jounin who was most likely seconds away from regaling him with the tail of the misplaced weaponry.
Kakashi sighed though there was a glimmer in his eye as he said happily. “Fine, I’ll tell you later. What equipment?”
Iruka shook his head, biting his tongue a moment because he really shouldn’t have to be saying anything like this. Ever.
“Ibiki wanted me to inform you that he doesn’t like it when you use the rookies for replacement targets.”
There was a silence between them, neither ninja daring to speak as what Iruka said sank in. Iruka allowed the silence to take hold of the room for a moment before frowning when Kakashi didn’t appear to react one way or another to the message he’d just delivered.
“Kakashi...Did you hear what I said?” The silver-haired man nodded. “And?”
Kakashi blinked a few times before stating in a simple-minded tone. “We were out of targets though.”
Iruka bit his tongue to hold back shouting at the ninja who had just plainly admitted to having used live people in the place of targets.
Seemingly sensing the dilemma his lover was facing Kakashi piped up. “And I didn’t hit anyone...That’s the whole point of practice. If anything it helped them since they were all flinching at the notion of being hit...So see-”
“No.”
Kakashi made a disgruntled noise but was prevented from even attempting to defend himself when Iruka leveraged a hearty glare at him and reinforced it. “NO.”
Sighing Kakashi nodded accepting that Iruka wasn’t willing to hear him out.
“I want to hear you say it.”
Kakashi huffed. “I won’t use the rookies as replacements for targets.” The tone of voice was monotone, like that of a child who was repeating what they had done all without having really understood what the issue was.
Iruka cut his losses and gave a long relieved sigh as he slumped into his chair. “Thank you.”
Kakashi hummed as he watched his lover relax in his chair, thinking idly about the whole situation. “So Ibiki really came to see you about that instead of just yelling at me in person?”
Iruka shrugged his shoulders before relaying the awkward moment he confronted the man about the very same thing. “Ibiki thought that if he threatened me you might actually behave...Or if he threatened me I’d make you behave because I didn’t want to deal with him. Ibiki didn’t care how it worked so long as it worked...Ultimately he told me not to fail.”
Kakashi shook his head upon hearing the torment his boss had put his lover through, none of it was overly surprising. Ibiki got tired of dealing with him every now and again, apparently now was another one of those times. “Figures, I mean it’s not like the rooki.”
Iruka glared back at his boyfriend sitting up straighter in his chair while reinforcing what he’d previously said. “Don’t use th-”
“The rookies as targets. I heard.” Kakashi waved a hand at him as if to calm him down. “Though I do think its a waste of resources when we have rookies who aren’t even field tested...Gives them something to do.”
Snorting at the idea of the poor men and woman who were admitted into the rank of Anbu being relegated to his boyfriend's toys, Iruka muttered. “Be nice.”
“To Ibiki?” Kakashi asked on a whim.
“No.” Iruka bit out before sighing when Kakashi laughed, shaking his head when he realized how that sounded Iruka muttered. “Be nice to the rookies.”
Kakashi chuckled. “Okay, but if Ibiki asks I’m telling him you said that I didn’t have to be nice to him.”
Iruka waved a hand at him, somehow Iruka didn’t think that would come to a surprise to the man which is why he informed Kakashi of that fact. “I don’t think he’ll be surprised.”
“True.” Kakashi nodded as he smiled back at Iruka. “So how was your day?”
“Kakashi.” Iruka leveraged a putout look at his lover for the seemingly innocent question.
“Hmm?”
“I was threatened by the head of Anbu because my boyfriend in Anbu misused other Anbu...How do you think my day was?” The man’s clenched teeth made every word seem tight.
Kakashi shrugged before admitting truthfully. “Kinda sounds like you had to deal with a lot of Anbu which is funny since you’re not even supposed to have to deal with us at all.”
“I deal with you every day.” Iruka groused.
Kakashi frowned. “Is that a compliment or-”
Sighing Iruka shook his head, refusing to allow the man to get started once more Iruka interjected swiftly. “Just please behave...Or at least antagonize Ibiki enough to where he tears into you and not me. He has an easier time finding me than he does you which means I have to suffer if you don’t make it worth his while.”
“Deal.”
Iruka snorted. “You agreed to that way too easily.”
Kakashi tilted his head as he adjusted himself in his chair. “Why do you say that?”
Iruka stared back at him, not convinced of the man’s ‘innocence’. “Because your response means you’re already planning to piss him off, but that it’s okay since he’ll only be pissed at you.”
The Jounin shrugged before clearly pointing out to the Jounin. “Those were the terms of our agreement.”
Sighing Iruka let his head fall back against his chair, waving a hand in the air in a tired fashion. “Fine, do whatever you want to Ibiki just don’t make him come visit me.”
“I’ll make sure to keep him out of your hair.”
“Thank you.” Iruka sighed.
“No problem.” Kakashi smiled even as Iruka refused to look back at him, the Jounin apparently comfortable enough to just lounge in his chair as he was. Humming to himself, Kakashi pulled out his book and began reading from where he last left off. Only a few minutes had passed in silence before a sigh left Iruka, smirking Kakashi waited. Sure enough not five minutes later Iruka muttered.
“What’d you do to them?”
Laying his book on his lap, Kakashi glanced over towards his boyfriend who was now staring back at him in an annoyed yet curious manner. “I used them for target practice.” It was said in such a simple way that it took a minute for Iruka to react.
Iruka rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know that part.”
Kakashi shrugged. “That’s really all there was too it.”
The skeptical look that came from the Jounin was ignored, prompting Iruka to ask. “And they just stood there?”
“Yes.”
“For how long?” Iruka asked in an intrigued tone.
“A while.” Kakashi said with a wry smirk as if he didn’t want to admit to just how long he’d been screwing around with the rookies.
“And they didn’t try to argue ab-”
“Nope.” Kakashi proudly responded, interrupting his lover's question. “Not a word.”
Sighing Iruka muttered. “I think Ibiki needs to think about whether or not they’re Anbu material.” His boyfriend's laughter only spurred Iruka on. “I wasn’t joking.”
“I know.” Kakashi said with a smile. “But, for the record, they didn’t speak up because I’m one of the higher ranked Anbu captains...I think they’re scared of me for some reason.” He had a disgruntled look on his face as if for the life of him he couldn’t figure out why that was.
Iruka snorted. “Yeah, how foolish of them... It’s not like you’re Anbu for a reason or anything, not like you have a reputation.”
Kakashi chuckled. “My reputation has nothing to do with it.”
Iruka stared him down.
“I think.”
Iruka glared.
“Okay it might have something to do with it, but it shouldn’t.”
Sighing Iruka quickly cut the man off by muttering. “I don’t care what your reputation does so long as it doesn’t see Ibiki coming into my office to complain about you.”
“Doesn’t he do that when I’m good?”
Iruka was silent. Kakashi grinned.
“Shut up.”
Laughing at his boyfriends put out expression Kakashi promised him. “I promise not to misuse the rookies as targets.”
Iruka gave him a cautious look before admitting. “I don’t know if Ibiki realizes this or not, but he told me to tell you not to use them as targets...And I’m assuming you see the loophole there.”
Kakashi grinned.
Iruka nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I was afraid of...So long as I don’t hear about it, you can do whatever you want... At least be nice to them if you’re going to misuse them though.”
Kakashi chuckled at Iruka’s small addendum as if he could potentially save the rookies some harm by telling him to be nice.
“I’m sure you’ll hear about it, but I’ll try to keep Ibiki from actually harassing you about me and I’d like to point out I’m always nice to the rookies.”
With a dry tone, Iruka replied. “I’d appreciate that.” He glared back at the silver-haired ninja before pointing out. “You used them as targets Kakashi, that’s not nice.”
********
Iruka looked up from the missive he’d just finished deciphering only to pause, the figure leaning against the wall stared back silently. Sighing Iruka looked down at his work even as he muttered. “I don’t think you’re here because of last weeks translations.”
“You’d be correct.”
Looking up at the man who had already traversed the length of the room to stand opposite of him, Iruka asked. “Do I get spared a lecture if I can guess why you’re here?” There was more than just sarcasm lacing his voice, there was hope that Ibiki might take him up on his offer.
Ibiki smirked. “What do you think?”
Sighing Iruka shook his head. “I’m almost afraid to ask...But I know I need the details if I’m going to rip him a new one at home...What’d he do?”
Ibiki chuckled even as he shook his head. “Already so complacent in his behaviors?”
The taunt had Iruka reacting instinctually, scowling back at his boss. “I made him promise not to abuse your rookies, I can change that just as easily.” The scowl transferred from Iruka to Ibiki when the man realized that he was being threatened.
Iruka smirked even as he added. “Goes both ways.”
Chuckling at the Jounin’s ability to bite back Ibiki shook his head. “You’ve got balls kid, just remember I make my living by removing those from weak wille-”
Iruka wasn’t interested in hearing another one of Ibiki’s long-winded rants about what he did to people. He was well aware of the man’s talents, he had no wish to ever witness or be a part of them again either. So in an effort to speed things along Iruka interrupted Ibiki. “What did he do?”
Glaring at the Jounin for interrupting him, Ibiki returned with. “He decided that it would be a great idea to reorganize the maps in the logistics office.”
Iruka blinked a few times in quick succession, confused for a moment. Then seemingly out of nowhere, Iruka admitted. “Are you sure that was him? I don’t even know if he realizes that exists.”
For once Ibiki laughed without malice in his tone. “I’m sure he does since he was seen walking down the hallway with a map of grass under his arms.”
Sighing Iruka dared to question. “What’d he do with it?”
“I don’t know and that’s the problem.” Ibiki growled as he leaned over the desk. “Get it back!”
“I’ll do my best.” Iruka tried to assure the man. “I don’t think he’ll have damaged it.” As if his assurance of such a thing would matter to the interrogations officer.
“He said the same thing about my rookies.”
“He said he wasn’t too harsh on them.” Iruka lamely tried to defend his boyfriend.
Ibiki raised a single brow, informing the Jounin in an icy tone. “Two of them quit.”
“...Oh.”
******
Iruka slammed the front door shut as he marched into the living room, Kakashi tilted his head back to smile at him. “He-OW!” Kakashi grasped the back of his head as Iruka stormed around to stand in front of the man who was clutching his head.
“What was that for?” Kakashi whined.
Iruka pointed a sharp finger at the man. “You know what that’s for!”
Kakashi peered up at the enraged Jounin even as he continued to rub his head. “I really don’t.”
Iruka’s eyes pinched tightly, but before he could attempt to read Kakashi the riot act the other Jounin intervened.
“Oh, is this the map thing?”
Iruka fumed at the innocent tone his lover was using. “What do you think?!”
Kakashi tilted his head a bit before announcing. “Well, I think it’s about the map and if so I already returned it and technically I didn’t steal it.” Kakashi was quick to add. “Shikaku wanted it for planning some exercises and didn’t want to have to deal with Ibiki himself...So he sent me.”
Iruka blinked, actually surprised to hear that his lover didn’t have any bad motivations for stealing the map. “Okay...Then why did Ibiki come-”
Kakashi shrugged. “I didn’t ask if I could borrow it, I just took it.”
Sighing Iruka reached up to rub the bridge of his nose, he should have known better. “So Shikaku thought you had asked Ibiki to borrow it, but instead of actually doing that you just stole the damn thing rather than asking Ibiki.”
“Yes.”
Silence.
“OW!”
Iruka glared at his boyfriend who was once more clutching his head after receiving the fury of the Jounin in front of him. “Don’t steal shit from Ibiki!”
“I put it back!” Kakashi replied in a hurry as if that would somehow prevent any more swats to the head.
Iruka snorted. “Yeah after the fact, why didn’t you just ask for it?” Iruka folded his arms over his chest in an impatient manner, waiting for a good explanation from the Jounin.
“That takes time.”
Taking a deep breath Iruka let it out slowly a moment later. “Kakashi.”
“Yes.”
“Promise me, you will not take any other items from T&I without asking.” It felt incredibly stupid to be stating such a simple thing to someone like Kakashi, these were the type of rules you used on pre-genin, not Anbu.
Kakashi tilted his head. “When you say tak-OW!”
Iruka shook his head in exasperation even as he marched across the room and fell into his own chair, glaring solidly at the Jounin across from him who was pouting like a Genin. Pointing a finger at the man Iruka stated sharply. “Don’t give me that look, I had to look up from my work to find Ibiki looming over me.”
Sighing Kakashi gave a nod. “Sorry, I didn’t think it would upset him that much since no one uses those dusty old things.”
Iruka rubbed his brow as he was forced to educate the Anbu. “Kakashi, those dusty old things are priceless pieces of information about other countries.”
“Well, they’re still old and dusty.”
Iruka’s lips twitched as he fought off a smile, clearing his throat Iruka reminded the man. “No more maps.”
“Fine. I won’t take any other logistics equipment without asking...Even if it’s a waste of time to do so.”
Iruka chuckled at the putout tone the man was using, but at least Kakashi sounded sincere. “Thank you.”
*******
Iruka nodded to the courier, signing for the documents he was having sent to one of the other offices. It was nice to not have to traverse the entire building for one piece of paper, no sooner than had he sent the courier out the door than did Iruka see who was standing in it. Looking up at the ceiling Iruka asked. “I know it’s not part of my employment contract, but if you could loan me an Anbu I’d appreciate it.”
“Oh?”
“I’m beginning to think that paying someone to babysit him during the day is the only way either of us is going to get any work done.”
Ibiki snorted as he came to lean against the man's desk. “Request denied.” By Ibiki’s tone, the man got quite a bit of pleasure about saying that.
Sighing Iruka sat back down in at his desk, picking up his pencil the Jounin reached for the next document. “Then there is nothing I can do for you, I’ve already tried and it’s gotten us nowhere.”
Ibiki never one to back down quickly interjected in a sour tone. “That would be wrong, it’s gotten me here far more often than either of us wants me to be.”
Iruka snorted dryly. “That I won’t argue.”
Ibiki scowled at the man, but Iruka was already filling out the document in front of him, no longer paying attention to any looks he gave the Jounin. “You should take this seriously.”
“Should I?” Iruka queried as he signed something and set it aside. “He’s your Anbu.”
“Thought he was yours.” The interrogations expert taunted.
Iruka chuckled, glancing up the Jounin replied. “He’s on loan.” The glare Iruka received had the Jounin shaking his head in amusement as well as exasperation. “What do you want me to do?”
“Fix it.”
“I’ve already tried Ibiki, he wo-”
Ibiki leaned closer, causing Iruka to pull back some to keep his distance from the man. “No.” He grit out. “fix it because if he breaks something else I will break him.”
“What did he break?”
Ibiki twisted about and stormed out of the room without giving the Jounin an answer, Iruka stared at the door half expecting the man to return with something that his lover had broken. Yet fifteen minutes elapsed without any evidence of the man returning, shrugging Iruka returned to his work. He could deal with Kakashi later and seeing as Ibiki was no longer looming over his shoulder Iruka intended to get some work done while he could.
*********
Iruka was silent as he took a seat opposite of Kakashi, the man was smiling after having greeted him. Iruka took a deep breath. “Ibiki paid me a visit today.” His tone was calm, no anger or irritation in sight.
“Oh?”
Iruka nodded. “He told me to ‘fix it’, I don’t know what ‘it’ was but he’s under the assumption that I can make you stop.” Iruka shook his head as if that entire idea was flawed somehow. “I think we both realize that’s not going to happen.” The Jounin gave a piercing look towards the silver-haired Jounin across from him.
Kakashi chuckled before honestly replying. “Well, the possibility of me listening is always there.”
Iruka rolled his eyes. “Good to know.” Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves and hopefully prevent himself from losing his temper at the man who was smiling back at him as if he could do no wrong. “So, this is what we’re going to do. I am going to deal with Ibiki storming into my office with little to no warning because of whatever it is you’re doing to entertain yourself when not actually doing your job, in return, you will deal with whatever lecture I give you upon returning home from dealing with Ibiki.” Iruka smiled in an overly sweet way, one that depicted far more irritation than the Jounin’s previous scowls had. “Which means that whenever I have to deal with Ibiki, you have to deal with me...Are you sure you’re okay with that?”
Without missing a beat, the Jounin gave a nod and replied. “Okay.” Having heard the man’s terms Kakashi asked. “Do you want to know what I broke?”
Iruka smiled a more genuine smile now that he’d been allowed to say his piece. “I’m willing to listen to your stupid explanations, but I’m not going to treat a single word out of your mouth as fact...Just so we’re clear.”
Kakashi grinned back at Iruka, the man’s candor making the situation all the better. “Just so we’re clear I’m not going to stop doing what I’m doing...It’s fun and it pisses off Ibiki while simultaneously making my day less boring.”
“Which also torments me.” Iruka couldn’t help but point out.
Kakashi shrugged. “I can’t prevent that, I don’t control Ibiki.”
There were so many things Iruka wanted to say to Kakashi about that flawed statement, still, somehow Iruka found himself biting his tongue. It wasn’t worth the energy to get into a fight about whether or not Kakashi was being a moron...He already knew the answer.
Iruka leaned back in his chair after coming to the conclusion that no matter how he treated this scenario he’d lose, silent a moment before nodding his head. “So...How was your day? I hear your broke something you shouldn’t have.”
Kakashi smirked back at the Jounin when he saw Iruka not only relax but actually ask the question with some curiosity. “I did...Apparently, a vase is worth more than one of the rookies lives.”
Iruka sighed. “Kakashi.” The exasperation was once more back in his voice.
“Hmm?”
Resigned with having to do this, Iruka stated plainly. “I’m only going to ask this once, just once and then I’ll let the subject go.”
Kakashi nodded. “Alright.”
Staring straight at his lover with a tense smile, Iruka asked. “Did you happen to break that vase because you were using the rookie as a target?”
Kakashi shook his head. Iruka sighed in relief, for once the man had listened to him.
“I was using the vase as a target and the rookie had to save it...He failed.”
The man’s easy-going answer had the Jounin stumped for a moment that is until Iruka smirked, thought about it a moment and then burst out laughing. “Well, Ibiki can’t say you didn’t listen to me.”
Kakashi smiled at his amused lover. “No, no he cannot.”
*******
Iruka smirked when he heard someone clear their throat. “Yes, Ibiki?”
“Is this a game to you?”
Looking up at the irritated T&I officer, Iruka frowned. “Is what a game to me?” It was still insane to Iruka that he had to go through things like this on a near weekly basis, still, he played along.
Ibiki’s glare only intensified as he growled out. “I thought you were going to take care of things with that child you call a boyfriend.”
Iruka chuckled as Ibiki began to lose his temper. “Well, if you’re asking if I talked to him about the incident with the window, yes I did and he promised n-”
Ibiki didn’t even let him finish. “There are currently ten chickens in the senior analytic room, including one which appears to have laid an egg in the dossier from Earth country.”
Iruka blinked back at his boss, of all the things he had expected to hear Kakashi have done...Iruka could honestly admit that wasn’t what he had expected. Unable to help himself Iraka asked in a curious tone. “Where the hell would he get ten chickens?”
Iruka winced when the door to his office slammed behind Ibiki’s retreating figure. Sighing Iruka stared up at the ceiling and muttered. “Well, at least tonight’s excuse is bound to be entertaining...I just hope he didn’t steal the chickens...Or buy them.” Iruka frowned, then thinking better of it decided it was best to proceed with caution. Iruka bit his thumb and hastily summoned Sekhmet, the sabre summons purred as it rubbed against him.
Without missing a beat, Iruka ordered the faithful summons. “Go find Kakashi and make sure he knows that whatever he did to come into possession of those chickens needs to be taken care of because if I come home to a single chicken in the house I’m allowing you to use him a scratching post.”
Sekhment grinned his large fangs were put on show to the Jounin. “Gladly.” The sabre made to leave the room only for Iruka to call out and stop him. “Wait...” Iruka shook his head and then, Iruka did something that he never figured he’d do. “Let him know that I don’t care what he does with them, so long as he didn’t steal them and they don’t end up at our place.”
The sabre tilted his head a moment. “You’re okay with him keeping them elsewhere?”
Iruka chuckled. “Well considering right now they’re in the analytical office, yeah.”
Sekhmet sighed and shook his head. “You could do so much better than that dog lover.”
“Go.” Iruka laughed while pointing at his summons to go and deliver his message. Sekhmet left him in peace, hopefully, the sabre would be able to keep Kakashi somewhat in line. Reaching out for the next document, Iruka paused to laugh. “Damn it Kakashi...You’re doing this just to make me have to repeat this shit back to Ibiki aren’t you?”
*****
The answer was yes, yes he was.