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It wasn’t that Kara was angry at Sam. She wasn’t. And it wasn’t that she blamed Sam for everything that happened with Reign. She didn’t. But she still found it difficult to spend time with Sam since she’d been separated from Reign and regained her life.
She still had dreams of Sam’s eyes burning through Reign’s mask and into her own. She’d wake screaming from visions of her kind, brilliant, funny friend wearing her silly panda t-shirt from the National City Zoo punching her in the face over and over and over. She couldn’t forget the feeling of falling from the top of a skyscraper and seeing Sam’s sloppy Sunday braid falling over her shoulder as she pushed her over the side. Sometimes in her dreams, it was Reign in her fearsome mask and black-lipped sneer playing Pictionary next to Alex or the shiny onyx cape hanging on Kara’s coat rack rather than Sam’s classic tan trench coat. While Kara’s waking mind had fully separated them, her subconscious one still had them firmly welded together, and her usually open heart had so far refused to soften for Sam.
The DEO counselor Kara had begun to see regularly was helping her cope with the fresh wave of night terrors, panic attacks and mood swings that came roaring back after Reign’s defeat. But even with the therapy and support from her family and friends, things with Sam had never really gone back to normal. Their time together was fraught and tense. Girl’s nights at Kara’s and Karaoke night saw Kara and Sam occupying opposite ends of the room or table and while they were always friendly, they’d yet to really speak or share a laugh or even clink glasses during a toast.
So, when Kara found Sam crying softly in the corner of the roof garden as their latest starlight gathering was winding down, she hesitated before approaching her. She took two deep breaths, squeezed her eyes shut and brought forward her favorite memories of wine-tastings and movie marathons and Sam’s sweet smile. The memories made her smile and a wave of affection that reminded her of their early friendship washed over Kara. She stepped forward and laid a gentle hand between Sam’s shoulder blades and finally offered her friend some comfort.
“Sam? What’s wrong?”
Sam sniffed and let out a mirthless laugh. “So, you’re talking to me now?”
Shame flooded Kara and the consequence of her fear was suddenly tangible and deep.
“Oh, Sam, I never meant to-” She paused, searching for the right words. “I’ve just been trying to-” She sighed. There was no excuse for how she’d treated Sam. “I’m so sorry.”
Sam nodded, but continued to look out over the National City skyline as tears slipped down her cheeks. “I know it’s hard. You look at me and see her.”
Kara didn’t deny it, but it was time to bury the hatchet and heal. “But you aren’t her. I know that, Sam, I do.”
They stood in silence for a few minutes until Kara spoke again. “You can talk to me… if you want. I’ll help if I can.”
It took a few moments, but Sam finally began to speak. “Everyone keeps asking me what I’m doing for Christmas.” She turned to look at Kara. “I have absolutely no idea. I haven’t put up a Christmas tree. I haven’t purchased a single gift, not even for Ruby! She doesn’t believe in Santa anymore. She informed me of this last week, by the way.” The tears came again. “I don’t actually have many memories of last Christmas. That’s when the blackouts started. I feel like I need to start fresh and create new memories and traditions with Ruby, but…” she trailed off.
Kara stepped closer and met Sam’s eyes. “But?”
Sam’s chin wobbled. “But my estranged mom is dead and it turns out I’m an alien from a faraway planet that I know nothing about and tonight it occurred to me that I can’t actually build traditions from nothing. I have no culture, no belief, no roots. Kara, I don’t want Ruby to grow up like that.” Sam dissolved into sobs and Kara, finally, finally after weeks of willing herself to reach out, wrapped Sam in a warm, tight hug and enfolded her in comfort and let her cry all of pain and loneliness and fear into Kara’s shoulder. When they parted, Kara wiped the tears from Sam’s eyes and smiled her best Supergirl smile.
“Okay,” Kara said. “Two things. First, you and Ruby are always welcome at Danvers Family Christmas, if you can stand Alex’s driving as far as Midvale. It isn’t much, but there’s peppermint hot chocolate and Trivial Pursuit and my mom, who is amazing.” Sam grinned and nodded but didn’t speak. Second, I might be able to help with the whole alien from outer space thing too, but I need you to trust me pretty much further than you can throw me, which I’m thinking is a very long way.”
Sam laughed out loud. “I’m both terrified and curious.” She smiled. “And I trust you.”
Kara’s eyes lit up. “This is gonna be awesome. Okay, right now we’re going to talk to Alex about watching Ruby for a few days and tomorrow morning you’re going to meet me in this exact spot at 8:00 am. With me so far?”
Sam spread her arms wide and shrugged. “My life is in your hands, Supergirl.”
“Excellent. Wear warm clothes.” Kara grinned with a twinkle in her eye.