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His shoulders ached from the way he hunched them, trying to keep as far beneath the collar of his coat as possible. His neck hurt too, and he didn’t look around at the lights in windows or the big metal frames attached to the streetlights, in the shapes of bells and angels and candy canes. He shuffled along the salted sidewalk, hands in his pockets.He could step into the library to get out of the cold. They had never said anything mean to his face there. But he wasn’t going to do that. He could get a free meal at the shelter that was two blocks away. He wasn’t going to do that. He could find out if his mother still lived in the same place, ask her for money, or steal something from her. He wasn’t going to do that.He had what he had, to get him by for just this day. He could go for something protein-packed, something that might last him longer. But if it was going to be the last time he paid to eat, what he really wanted was the round jelly-filled donuts with the white frosting, from the Ukai family bakery on 15th street.If he paid a bus fare, he was terrified he wouldn’t have enough left for the donut, so the catch was he would have to trek all that way in the cold and dying light.It was so cold. He couldn’t remember it ever being this cold. Or maybe it was just weirdly affecting him more than usual. The gusts of wind were like waterboarding, or couldn’t be any less horrible; he felt suffocated by cold.He stepped off a curb and then heard the car. It started to slow, so he kept going. As he reached the other sidewalk, he heard that certain tone of voice he hated so much.“Hey, that’s not a crosswalk.”His guts churned, hot and knotted up tight. He owed no apology. He was just trying to cross the street without someone hitting him before he could get to Ukai’s.The car drove off, left him flushing miserably. He was sorry to be an inconvenience.There were three preteen girls coming down his side of the street. Before they could meet he swerved into an alley between buildings. It didn’t help, they had apparently already seen him, and they ran past, only one daring to look there for him. They didn’t know that he wanted to run away from them just as badly. But he stayed in the alley, until they were long gone, and longer. There was no wind here. He could probably fall asleep against this wall, if he sat down.But no, he had one place left to be.He didn’t know why the memory was so strong, the one involving the donut. It hadn’t been any special day, and that could have happened as far back as last year, he thought. He hadn’t gone with anyone. He didn’t even know how he remembered what street it was on. Maybe he was being called.He was starting to feel less about the three girls, and the angry driver. He was starting to feel less cold too. His center was so tightly clenched that he could really only focus on that pain, and on his destination.He found it, when he turned onto the empty little lane. He waited outside the streetlamp’s light, because he saw two people inside the bakery, near the door. They came out, smiling as they talked, a boy, maybe a young man, and a younger girl. They had the same orange hair sticking out below their caps.He couldn’t wait any longer than for them to cross a few sections of sidewalk. He rushed forward, probably being too loud with his breath and his feet. But that all stopped anyway, when suddenly, before his eyes, the lights of the little brick building went out. Completely dark. He blinked, and they stayed out.He knew what it meant. But—He hunched over his stomach as the knot gave a sharp squeeze. He stared at the dark windows. Until he felt it, that feeling that made him want to crumble to pieces and wash away down the nearest storm drain. He was being stared at.The boy and the little girl had turned around and seen him, and were watching him look at the bakery. He slid around on his heels and walked furiously in the direction he had come.“Hey, wait.”He kept walking. His nerves were fried down to threads, he didn’t want to talk to anyone, ever again.“Hey, did you want something from the bakery?” “It’s closed,” he said, voice cracking.“Well we just got two of the jelly-filled, you can have one of these if you want.”He froze. He turned around, eyes firmly on the ground.Was he still meant to have one? If he was getting what he wanted, was this…was this the end?He looked up. They did have one of the white paper bags, the girl was holding it. He walked toward them. As he did, he watched the boy shield the little girl.“Do you want one?” the boy said.He stopped about a yard from them. His throat wasn’t allowing him to speak, so he just dug his money out of his pocket, hurrying to sort it. Meanwhile the girl was opening the bag, and the boy removed his gloves and reached in, taking out a napkin and then the donut, wrapping it neatly before offering it to him. He didn’t take it, hefting the bills and coins in his hand.“How much?”The boy smiled. “Oh no, just take it.” He set the donut in his hand. “Merry Christmas!”He felt something inside him break, snapping with the force of a femur, blasting pain through him. He dropped all his money.His blank stare was barely short of terrifying. The boy looked at his sister, who was already wide-eyed with fright, and he tried to set his face and look calm, for her, even as his own heart began to pound.Nobody moved. Then the stranger spoke.“It’s Christmas?” he breathed.“Um, yeah, Christmas Eve.”The boy stepped farther back, reaching to feel his sister behind him, and keep her there.Then, to their shock, tears started to roll out of the stranger’s blue eyes.“Thank you for this,” he croaked. And he walked off.They stared after him.“Wait!”He kept walking, even though he could tell his legs were about to give out on him. Then he heard running, and got scared, shoulders hunching, feet stumbling to a stop. The orange boy appeared in front of him, holding out his hands to make sure he would wait. Then the boy spread his arms wide, and hugged him.He pinned his arms to his sides, pressed his face against his shoulder. Then the little girl latched onto him from the side, but he was hardly aware, all he could feel was warm. He didn’t think it was physical. He didn’t know where it was coming from, but it was so…warm.He started to cry harder, so that he shook. They let go of him. He had scared them again.Suddenly something was tugged onto his head, and he opened his wet eyes and saw that the boy wasn’t wearing a hat anymore. The boy reached up and adjusted it, securing it more over his ears, and pushing it back a little from his eyes.“There you go, that’s better.”“Nii-chan, give him my scarf,” the girl said.She handed over the pale pink and orange garment, and her brother reached his highest to double it around their stranger’s neck. The girl snugged the bottom up toward his chin. Her brother flipped his collar up against the scarf to block the wind better. As they bundled him up, he felt like his body was falling apart at the seams.The boy was holding some gloves up in front of him.“Put these on after you eat your donut.”And he stuffed one in each of his coat pockets. The siblings stood back, just looking at him for a moment. Then the boy said:“Merry Christmas!”He hugged him again. His sister took her turn too. Then the boy smiled one more time, and they moved away, back the way they had been going.He stood very still, eyes on the street, breaths easing out of him and turning to smoke on the frigid air. He heard feet again, hurried, running. The boy returned.“And Happy New Year.”The boy was as high on his tiptoes as he could go, leaning down on his shoulder to get him to stoop. He stooped, and the boy kissed his cheek.“The next one will be better,” he whispered, “So make sure you stay for it.”He saw a blur, smiling brown eyes, and then the boy ran off to rejoin his sister. Kageyama watched him pull his hood up as they walked off.Kageyama went to the shelter. There were still hot meals left. He had one. When they offered a cot for the night, he accepted. He took off his coat and laid it beside him. But he didn’t take off the hat, or the scarf.He didn’t know what he would do tomorrow, but he could.