Work Text
Looking out the window, Lauren watched wistfully as her family left. Usually it was just her mom but weekends, the entire family comes in and spends a few hours with her. While it was good, it leaves her sad and homesick.“Hi Lauren, family already left?”A familiar cheerful voice woke her from reverie. Lauren turned her head and smiled at the nurse. “Yeah. Chris and Taylor have tons of homework which they haven’t even started yet.”“Guess, it’s just you and me tonight then.” The nurse said as she walked over and helped Lauren from her wheelchair onto bed. After making sure that Lauren was safely back in bed, she went about tidying the room.“You don’t have to do that.”“I know,” The nurse said as she stopped and looked at Lauren. “I want to. Anything for my favorite patient.”“I bet you say that to all the patients here.”“Only the --" “Camila, we need you in 241,” the head nurse called from the door.“Coming,” Camila answered and then with a wink at Lauren, she left.Lauren smile faltered as she watched Camila’s receding figure. After her accident, she was comatose for a few months. During that time, she dreamt of a girl named Camila, of a girl that looked like Camila. It was almost like another life, a lifetime spent that was suddenly taken away from her. It was almost cruel that she can remember everything. Aren’t you supposed to forget dreams when you wake up?***
“Some people want it all But I don't want nothing at all If it ain't you baby If I ain't got you baby Some people want diamond rings Some just want everything But everything means nothing If I ain't got you, yeah”
Lauren couldn’t remember finishing the song but she probably did because all the preliminary judges were smiling and nodding at her. She went out of the booth still feeling faint and breathless when she heard someone speaking.
“What?” Lauren asked as she squinted at the girl on her side.
“I said I like your shirt.”
“Oh, thanks. I like yours too.”
The girl looked down at her Mickey Mouse shirt and grinned at Lauren. “You’re just saying that but thanks anyway.”
Lauren shrugged as she smiled at the girl’s enthusiasm.
“Hi, I’m Camila.”
“I’m Lauren.”
“It’s crazy here,” Camila said as she pointed at the crowd around them.
“Everyone just wants their chance.”
Camila nodded thoughtfully before speaking up again. “You’re really good.”
“Thanks.”
“Made me want to pack up and leave.”
“Oh, don’t say that.”
“Camila Cabello, you’re next.” One of ushers called out.
Camila looked at the usher and then back at Lauren. “That’s me,” she said as she pointed at herself. “I gotta go.”
“Well break a leg, Camila Cabello. Go get them.”
Camila grinned at Lauren and then ran towards the tent.
Lauren hung behind and listened to Camila’s audition. This girl was fearless taking on Respect and Lauren couldn’t keep the awe from her face when Camila emerged from the tent. “That was just… wow, amazing.”
Camila seemed surprised seeing her. “You stayed.”
“We, Cubans and Miami girls got to stick together.”
That was the start of their friendship, of everything.
Lauren opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling. It wasn’t a start of anything because it was just a dream. The entire thing was a dream. ***“Hey, just wanted to check in before I leave.” Camila’s head popped up from the side of the door.“Has it been nine hours already?” Lauren asked, yawning as she placed her book down.“Sadly, it’s has been twelve hours. The other nurse was late so I had to wait.”“That sucks.”“Extra money always help, so overtime is not that bad.” Camila said as she waltzed inside the room. “Are you comfortable? Do you want me to raise your bed? Or get you anything?”“I’m fine, Camila.” Lauren said with a smile. “I was fine thirty minutes ago when you asked and the last two times before that.”“Too much?” Camila asked, slight worry on her face.“No, I like it when you visit me,” Lauren answered.Camila beamed at her. “Well, if you’re sure then I’ll head out. I’ll see you tomorrow. Night Lauren.”“Good night Camila. Take care.”***
“I don’t know if I can do this,” Camila paced around the tight dressing room.
“Of course you can. You’ve done this hundred times over if you count rehearsals.”
“But not with my skin breaking out like this. I look horrible.” Camila pointed at her face.
Lauren stepped closer and peered closely at Camila then she broke into a smile. “What are you talking about? Those little things? No one would even notice them.”
“I notice them. I know they’re there. People will know they’re there.” Camila responded, arms flailing around.
“Camz,” Lauren grabbed Camila’s shoulder to still her. “You’re still cute regardless.”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. You’re like the fucking cutest thing in the world.” Lauren said in exasperation. “So just shut up and sing for all these people who have been waiting for hours.”
“You think I’m cute?”
Lauren turned around to hide her smile from the girl.
“Good morning!”“Hi Camz.”“What you call me?”“Camz. You don’t like it?” “It’s okay.” Camila looked on thoughtfully. “I guess I like it.” She added after a few seconds. She then walked over to Lauren’s bedside and placed a brown bag on it. “Brought you donuts.”“You’re an angel.”“Well this angel needs to get her butt outside. Rotation starts in 5 minutes.”“See you later.”“Count on it.”***
“Am I not enough for you?”
“It’s not you and you know it. I just need to breath. I can’t deal with this anymore.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“Not that bad? Then what have we’ve been talking about for the past few months? You’re the one who said it… they’re treating us as slaves and we’re getting nothing. And how many times have they told us that we can’t write our own songs? We’re not free here, Lauren. We all should just leave.”
“Stay for me, please.”
“I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Then I can’t as well.”
“What do you mean?”
“Us. If you leave the band, then we’re over.”
They stared at each other, willing each other to back off. But no one was budging. After a few minutes of silence, Camila turned around and walked out.
“Feels good walking by yourself again?Lauren turned around and saw Camila. Smiling, she walked a bit unsteadily towards her. “That’s an understatement. I can’t wait to start running marathons.”“Why don’t we start just walking without falling to the garden? It should be nice out.”“Aren’t you busy?”Camila looked at her watch. “I have a break coming up in thirty minutes.”***
“I miss you.”
“I miss you more.”
“Let not fight again.”
Sometimes it just takes one look. And that was what happened when Lauren saw Camila after a few months of no communication. Everything forgotten. And when they woke up the next morning next to each other, Lauren had a goofy smile on her face.
“So I’m really like nicotine, heroin, and morphine?”
“Shut up.”
“I mean, I know I’m irresistible but an entire album just for me.”
“God…. You’re lucky you’re beautiful otherwise I’d break up with you again.”
“Well I love you, too.”
Lauren opened her eyes just in time to see Camila walking out of her room. At the start, she was having a hard time distinguishing between her dream and reality. Now it just made her sad.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Lauren?”Lauren reluctantly turned her attention away from the window and looked towards the psychiatrist, one of her doctors. “Sorry, what were you saying?”“Let’s talk about the accident.” The doctor patiently restated.“It happened. Car crashed into mine. I survived,” Lauren said with a shrug, sounding bored.“And how do you feel about it?”“Lucky, I guess. It’s probably not my time yet, so here I am.”“Any bad dreams?”“No… not about the accident but...” Lauren started but stopped, unsure if she wanted to bring up what was really on her mind.“But?” The psychiatrist prodded.“I had a dream when I was under, it was intense to say the least. It had people I’ve never seen before the accident.”The psychiatrist leaned forward. “That’s normal. We meet people everyday. It just takes a glance and our subconscious registers them. Those people you mentioned, are they in this hospital?”“Yesss…”“Well even though you were in a coma, your subconscious was still active. Sometimes when patients come in, their eyelids are lifted to see if they have any reaction to light. You may have seen those people when you were tended to while you were in a coma. You may not remember seeing them but your subconscious did and placed them in your dream.”“I guess that makes sense.” Lauren said as she looked on thoughtfully.“Do you have any concerns?”“The dream felt like a lifetime.”“You were in a coma, your mind had lots of time to craft your dream.”Lauren nodded as she looked back to the window, lost again in her thoughts.“I’m giving you a clean bill of health mentally. I don’t see any trauma or stress brought upon by the accident. But if something comes up, you know you can always reach out. Okay?”“Thanks Doc,” Lauren said as she jumped up, glad this was over. “I appreciate the help.” She watched as the doctor left her room and when he did, her smile went along with him. How was she supposed to handle all these feelings inside her? Whenever she saw Camila, all she wanted to do was to shake her until she remembers everything about them. But it was useless, the everything she wanted was only in her mind. And Camila was… Lauren realized that she doesn’t even know if Camila was interested in girls or not. She doesn’t know a lot about her. All she knew was that she was kind and thoughtful. And the person she was in-love with was more than that. She was in-love with a dream. ***“Packing up? I’m sad. My favorite patient is going home.”“I bet you say that to all your patients.” Lauren said with a smile as she looked towards the door where Camila was standing.“Only the pretty ones.” Camila’s eyes widened in alarm as the words flowed out of her mouth. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. That is totally inappropriate.”“It’s okay. I won’t tell,” Lauren said as she stepped towards Camila. “And besides, I think you’re pretty too,” she added after a beat. It felt like forever but in reality only took her a millisecond to decide that if she was going to make a move, she better make it now. She was leaving anyway.Camila turned away but not fast enough to hide her blush from Lauren. “Your parents are here, I better go. Take care Lauren.”Before Lauren can respond, Camila was gone and her parents stepped in. “You’re already packed.” Lauren’s mother exclaimed when she entered the room.“I didn’t have anything better to do.” Lauren said as she kissed her parents.“Here’s the stuff you wanted us to buy.” Her father said as he handed her two bags.“Thanks dad. Let me just give these before we leave.” Lauren walked over the few feet to the nurse’s station and saw the person she was looking for. “Hey.”“Hey,” Camila said as she looked up, all serious. “Paper works all done. You should be good to go. I already called a wheelchair in. It should be here in a few minutes.”This was what Lauren was afraid of, atleast it happened on her last day. “Well, I just want to give you this, you know a thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”“There’s no need for this. I was just doing my job.” Camila said as she looked down on the document she had been working on, ignoring the bag that was held in front of her.“I insist,” Lauren said as she dropped the bag on the table. “And this is for the rest of the gang,” Lauren said as she placed a box of pastries on the table as well. “It’s the least I can do. Well goodbye Nurse Cabello.” Lauren walked back to her room slowly, wondering what just happened.“Lauren?”Lauren turned towards Camila who was now clutching the banana stuff toy that she gave her.“I didn’t mean to be cold,” Camila said as she walked towards Lauren. “I’m really happy that you’re getting out of here. I’m just going to miss seeing you every day which is again totally inappropriate. If you stay here longer, then it means you’re not getting better. It means that I’m not doing my job. It also means ---”“I know exactly what you mean.” Relieved, Lauren broke out into a smile as she cut Camila’s ramblings.Camila raised the toy and smiled back at Lauren. “I love bananas. How did you know?”Lauren shrugged.“I’d give you a hug and all but I don’t really want to get fired.”“It’s okay. I guess I’ll see you around,” Lauren said before turning around, keeping it friendly, nothing more. She wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice.***The following week, Lauren had a follow-up with her doctor. After her check-up, she couldn’t help but go to her old ward. She wanted to see Camila but she wasn’t there. Hiding her disappointment, she chatted with the other nurses for a bit. Before leaving, she passed by the cafeteria. She just entered when she saw Camila. She was sitting there with a guy, who also looked like he worked there. They were laughing and seems to be having a good time. It was irrational, the jealousy that was coursing through her body. In her dreams, they had been more than friends but in the real world they were just... Lauren doesn’t even know how to define it. They were friendly towards each other but they don’t really knew anything about each other. Then at that point, the guy placed his hand on Camila’s arm. Lauren almost marched up to where they were sitting but the at last moment, she decided to just leave. And it was that sudden movement which led her face to face with one of the patients. Next thing she knew, the patient was sprawled out on the floor and everyone in the cafeteria had stopped what they were doing and were looking at them. Lauren felt like a fool as she reached down to help the patient up while she kept on apologizing. When she was sure the other person was alright, she half-walked half-ran from the cafeteria ignoring the voice that was calling out her name. ***On her next appointment with the doctor, Lauren planned to immediately leave afterwards. No more dawdling around, no more unwarranted trips to any part of the hospital. She had no expectations, so it was a surprise to her when she saw Camila sitting in the waiting area.“Hey.” Camila looked up when the door closed behind Lauren. She grinned at her as she put down the book she was reading and stood up.“Hi.” Lauren awkwardly said. “What are you doing here?”“I work here.” Camila answered. “Oh but you mean here here. I heard you have an appointment, so I decided to go here on my break and see my favorite patient.”“You know, you shouldn’t waste your time here. I’m sure you’d rather be with your boyfriend.”“My what?” Camila looked confused.“Your boyfriend. I saw you with him the other week, in the cafeteria.”“Him? No,” Camila said as she shook her head. “He’s not my boyfriend. I don’t have one…”“Oh.”“I’m as single as they come. I’m so single, my mom decided to adopt a cat and a dog just to know how it feels to have grandchildren which when you think about it is a little mean. I’m not even in my thirties. Now everytime I visit home, I need to bring gifts for the kids.”Lauren chuckled inspite of herself. “There’s this girl though…”“Is that so?” Lauren felt her heart beat just a little bit faster.“Yeah, she’s really nice and chill and pretty. Really pretty.” Camila paused as she took a deep breath. “And she has this amazing green eyes.” She added. “I hope to get to know her more.”“You should.”“I should.”The door opened and a patient went out.“I guess, it’s my turn.” Lauren said as she looked at Camila. “Maybe… maybe we can talk later.”“I’d like that. I’ll be in the ward if you want to drop by. I mean I’d wait and all but my break is almost over.”***When Camila was left all alone in the waiting room, she let out a big sigh of a relief as she sat back down on the couch. She tried acting cool in front of Lauren but she was really just a bundle of nerves. She doesn’t even remember half of what was said. But she can never forget the smile that Lauren gave her before she closed the door behind her.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Camila walked in the room of the new patient. Based on the chart, this Lauren Jauregui was in a car accident and hasn’t woken up since. She has been comatose for a week.“Poor thing,” Camila mumbled as she laid her eyes on the girl for the first time. She still has bandages. And patches of her skin that were still bruised stood out due to the paleness of her skin. Standing on the side of the bed, Camila checked her watch and then gently pulled the girl towards her. Camila started humming a song to pass the time. After five minutes, she went to the other side and moved the girl again. She looked around the room and saw some clothes laid out on the chair. “Nice shirt,” Camila said as she spotted one from her favorite band. At that moment, a woman stepped in but remained by the door. “I didn’t know anyone was inside,” the woman said.“We need to turn her every two hours to make sure she doesn’t develop any bed sores,” Camila explained.“Of course, the doctor mentioned something about that.” The woman said as she finally walked in and stood on the other side of the bed.“And then once a day, a physiotherapist will come in to massage her legs so that they don’t atrophy.”“I guess this room won’t be as quiet as I feared it would be,” the woman said forcing a smile and then she reached out her hand. “I’m Clara, Lauren’s mother.”Camila shook her hand quickly and placed back her hand on Lauren’s back. “I’m Camila, one of the nurses in this ward.”Clara sat down on the chair beside the bed. “This is just terrible. Lauren has her whole life in front of her and then this happens.”“Clara, Lauren is in one of the best hospitals in the state. We’re going to do everything we can to make sure she wakes up. Don’t count her out yet,” Camila said, trying to assure the worried mother.“I know. I just can’t help but think of the worst.” Clara shook her head as her eyes begin to water. “And as much as I want to stay here, I still have two kids to take care at home and a job.”“Don’t do that to yourself. She wouldn’t expect you to drop everything just to watch her sleep. If she can hear you now, I’m sure she’d say the same thing.”“I don’t know.” Clara was apprehensive as she looked on at her sleeping daughter.“We will take good care of her,” Camila said with a smile. “I’ll take good care of her. I promise.”“Thank you Camila. You don’t seem far from her age. I bet if you two met, you’d hit it off.”“I’m sure we would.”“Lauren,” Clara said as she stood up and started caressing her daughter’s hair, “she likes music a lot. There’s always something playing when she’s around.”“Who’s her favorite? I can probably play them when I’m here. I’ll let the head nurse know.”“Will you do that?” Clara asked with a real smile on her face. “I have to ask Taylor, her sister. Music today, as much as I try to understand them…”“Just like my mom,” Camila said with a smile. “No worries. Once you have a list, just give it to me and I’ll play them once in a while.”“You’re a good girl, Camila.”***"Ay, tremendo paquete," Camila exclaimed when she entered Lauren’s room. “You wouldn’t believe what happened in the next room. The girl woke up after a month from her coma and threw a fit because her makeup wasn’t there. Apparently, her boyfriend will be visiting and she needed to cover up her pimples which were like non-existent. But I mean if it was my significant other and the first words out of their mouth after I wake up from a coma is that my skin looks bad, I’m going to go hard on my therapy so that I can throw a punch on their judging faces.”“No punches please, Nurse Cabello,” the doctor said as she entered the room.“Oh, you know me Doc. I couldn’t hurt a fly. I’d ran away from a confrontation if I can. I was just telling our girl here about what happened with the other patient.”“That’s good. You know what they say, people can still hear even when their under.”“She’s definitely getting an earful. I’ve probably already told her my entire life story including my obsession with bananas.”The doctor laughed as she flipped Lauren’s chart. “You read her your poems? I remember seeing something in the newsletter.”“I do.” Camila nodded with a grin. “Poor girl here can’t walk out even if my rhymes doesn’t rhyme.”“From what I remember, it was pretty good. You should keep on it,” the doctor said as she leaned towards Lauren with her penlight. “Let’s begin.” She then opened Lauren’s left eye and shined the light. “No response,” she muttered before doing the same thing with the right eye.Camila who was standing on the other side spoke up. “Well hello planet green eyes.”The doctor turned her head and smiled at Camila. “She does have pretty eyes. One day, those will be opening on their own. I’m going to modify the medication. We’ll see if it will have the desired effect.”***“Hi Lauren,” Camila always greeted the woman when she enters her room. “We won’t be seeing each other for a week. I’m going to go on vacation for the holidays. It’s my turn this year. Last year’s was Ally. It’s going to be so good! I can sleep late, eat my mama’s cooking, read all day. Just basically be free of all of this. Not that I’m complaining. It’s good to have a job and of course I get to take care of people including you. It’s just nice to take a break.”Camila took out her phone and opened the Lauren Playlist. She turned it on and the music from 1975 started playing. Bobbing her head, Camila pulled Lauren to her side.“I love this song. And to think I would have never listened to it if it wasn’t on your list. You Lauren, my friend, has great taste in music.” ***“So I went out on date last night. It was a complete bust. The girl was really beautiful, model-like but she was so self-absorbed.” Camila said as she flopped down on the chair beside Lauren’s bed. “All she did was talk about herself. I barely got a word in.” Camila sighed as she took a chocolate bar from her pocket and opened it. She took a big bite and stared at Lauren thoughtfully. “I bet you’re a great date.” Camila leaned in, “No, I bet you’re an unforgettable date. Just one and people will be scrambling to get on another one with you. I probably would.” Camila then burst out laughing. “God… now I’m bordering on creepy. Don’t worry Lauren, I’m all talk. I’d never do anything you don’t want… well except if it’s a medical procedure.” Camila took another bite and leaned back on the chair. “You probably don’t even like girls.” ***“Oh my God,” Camila exclaimed as Lauren groggily reopened her eyes. “You’re really awake!” Lauren moaned when Camila came into focus. She wanted to raise her arms but it felt so heavy.“I know, everything is confusing right now. But everything is going to be alright.” Camila said as she reached out to hold Lauren’s hand and held it tightly.***“Hi Lauren,” Camila said when she entered the room.“Heyyy,” Lauren greeted back as she turned her head towards Camila, voice still hoarse from not being used for months.“How are you feeling today?”“Bo.. bored.”“I know,” Camila said as she fluffed Lauren’s pillow and check on her IV. “Just focus on getting better and in no time you’ll be out of here. By the way, your mom left your ipod for you. Do you want me to turn it on?”“Yesss.”***“Hey Chancho, how long are you going to stare at that report? I’ve been standing here for more than five minutes and you haven’t even turned a page.”Camila almost jumped at her friend’s voice. “Dinah, stop scaring me!”“That is not a scare. Where’s that dirty mind been to? You told me you’d call me back last night.”“Shoot, I forgot. Sorry. I did overtime last night and when I got home, I fell asleep right away.”“That’s not an excuse!” Dinah said as she pulled Camila on her feet. “You and me dinner tonight!”“Okay.”“No excuses this time. You better be there.”“I’m going to be there. It’s not like I have anything else better to do,” Camila said with a sigh.
That Night
“So what’s up with you? This past few weeks you’ve been a little out of it.”“Promise, you won’t judge.”“Of course, I will. I’m your friend. That’s my job.”Camila sighed as she took a bite of her pizza. “Remember I told you about my patient, Lauren.”“The comatose one you used to spend a lot of time with? That’s totally weird but whatever.” Dinah said with a shrug.“Well she woke up and now it’s awkward.”Dinah turned her head from the pizza to stare at her friend as if she lost her mind.“I mean, she knows everything about me,” Camila continued.“I doubt she remembers.”“She hardly talks to me.”“I think it’s because she’s trying to learn to talk again. Comatose patients sometimes do that.”“It’s just that I feel like ---”“Sorry to break it down to you this way, Chancho,” Dinah cut of her friend. “But that thing you had with her was strictly one way. You have to move forward from that. Just be there for her, be the best goddamn nurse you can be.”Camila slumped on the chair and dropped her pizza on her plate.“Let’s go out this weekend. Find you something new to obsess about.”“I don’t know…”“That wasn’t a suggestion.”*** “Looks who’s sitting up!” Camila greeted cheerfully. “Next thing I’ll know you’ll be dancing along the corridors.”Lauren turned her head towards the nurse. “Hi Cammilaaa.”“Let’s see if all your vitals are as good as the day is today.” Camila said as she went through her morning routine, checking Lauren’s temperature, blood pressure, heart beat. “Everything’s good,” she announced as she looked at the girl on the bed. At that moment, Lauren turned her head away a little too quickly. Reminded Camila of when she was caught staring at someone. “Hey, do you want to go to the garden? We can take a wheelchair. Breath of fresh air would do you good.”Lauren looked back at her hopefully. “Isss tha..that allowed?”“I’ll check with the doctor but I’m almost sure it’s fine.”***Camila saw the discharge order that morning. She knew it was bound to happen, seeing that Lauren was almost back to normal but it still made her a little blue, a little more than that if she’s being honest. She’s been in the hospital for almost six months and Camila had gotten attached to her presence both conscious and not. And now, she’s leaving. Now should be the best time to say her goodbyes since Lauren was still alone in her room. After taking a deep breath and plastering a smile on her face, Camila poke her head on the side of the door. “Packing up? I’m sad. My favorite patient is going home.”“I bet you say that to all your patients,” Lauren said with a smile turning around to look at Camila.“Only the pretty ones.” Camila’s eyes widened in alarm as she realized what she just said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. That is totally inappropriate.”“It’s okay. I won’t tell,” Lauren said as she stepped towards Camila. “And besides, I think you’re pretty too,” she added after a beat.Camila turned away, she felt her face flushing. Did she hear that right? She didn’t have time to think about it as she saw Lauren’s parents walking in the corridor. “Your parents are here, I better go. Take care Lauren.”She has only taken a few steps when Clara reached her and enveloped her in a hug. “Camila, thank you for all your help and all the time you spent with Lauren.”“It’s nothing. I’m just glad she’s well.”“I know you did more than what’s required. You kept your promise that day we met. Thank you.”“You’re welcome. Take care Clara.” After one more hug, Camila was able to walk back to the nurse’s station, with each step her smile fading. She shook her head. She had to keep it professional. She can’t let anyone see what’s she’s really feeling. She opened one of the folders and peered at the report, seeing but not comprehending. “Hey.”Camila looked up, knowing exactly whose voice it was. “Hey. Paper works all done. You should be good to go. I already called a wheelchair in. It should be here in a few minutes,” she said coolly, keeping her emotions at bay.“Well, I just want to give you this, you know a thank you for everything you’ve done for me.” Lauren sounded disappointed as she placed the bag in front of her.“There’s no need for this. I was just doing my job.” Camila said as she looked down at the report she had been staring at, ignoring the bag that was held in front of her.“I insist,” Lauren said as she dropped the bag on the table. “And this is for the rest of the gang,” she added as she placed a box of pastries on the side. “It’s the least I can do. Well goodbye Nurse Cabello.” Lauren slowly walked back to her room, shoulders slumped, fingers trailing on the floor.Camila refused to look at Lauren. Instead, she peered at the bag that Lauren left. She couldn’t help but smile when she lifted a banana stuff toy from the bag. She felt horrible on how she acted towards Lauren. This might be the last day they’ll ever meet, what the heck. As long as she doesn’t cry, she should be fine. “Lauren?”Lauren turned hopefully towards her.“I didn’t mean to be cold,” Camila said as she walked towards Lauren. “I’m really happy that you’re getting out of here. I’m just going to miss seeing you every day which is again totally inappropriate. If you stay here longer, then it means you’re not getting better. It means that I’m not doing my job. It also means ---”“I know exactly what you mean.” Relieved, Lauren broke out into a smile as she cut through Camila’s ramblings.Camila raised the toy and smiled back at Lauren. “I love bananas. How did you know?”Lauren shrugged.“I’d give you a hug and all but I don’t really want to get fired.”“It’s okay. I guess I’ll see you around,” Lauren said before turning around, giving her a tiny wave.***Camila and her friend turned around at the sound. She was surprised when she recognized Lauren. By the time she got there, a lot of people had gathered to help. She tried calling Lauren but the girl just ran from the cafeteria.“Who’s that?” Shawn asked when he reached her side.“One of my former patients,” Camila answered as she craned her neck to get a glimpse of the girl.“Must be in a hurry.”“I guess,” Camila said with a frown. “Let’s go back to our table. You can tell me what happened after you brought the girl flowers.”“Yeah, so I came back to the store holding this big bouquet and then….”Camila nodded and hummed as Shawn continued to talk but she wasn’t listening. Her mind was on Lauren.
That Night
“So, what’s this big news you needed to tell me?” Dinah asked as she sat down on Camila’s couch and put her feet on the table.“You remember the comatose patient…”“Yes…”“I saw her today. She came by the hospital,” Camila said trying not to sound too excited.“To visit you?” Dinah asked warily.“No, she has an appointment with her doctor.”“And why is this important?”“She went to my ward but I was on my break. But the other nurses told me that she was not so subtly asking about me.”“I guess, my girl has got game after all,” Dinah said approvingly as she grinned at Camila.“Maybe she just wanted to say thanks again.”“She already did. And she did say you were pretty before she left.” Dinah said as she placed her feet down on the floor and leaned towards Camila. “There might be something there after all.”“Do you think she might be interested?” “Well, there’s one way to find out,” Dinah said as she leaned in closer and started outlining a plan. ***Camila changed multiple times and still couldn’t decide what to wear. Does she go casual or dressy? This was her first date with Lauren after all. It has to be perfect.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Camila has had relationships before. This wasn’t her first time. Or so she thought. But as she watched Lauren sashayed away after a wink at her, Camila knew this wasn’t like any of her past relationships. Being with Lauren was suddenly being thrust into the light after being in the dark for so long, after believing that living in the dark was the norm. And now Camila craves the light. She craved the light so much that after a month from their first date, she couldn’t bear to be apart from Lauren. And now here she was after her double shift in a bar, waiting for Lauren to get their drinks.“Hey babe,” Lauren said as she handed a glass to Camila. “Are you sure, you’re okay to stay here?”“Of course,” Camila said as she downed the drink in one gulp. She needed all the energy to stay awake.“Great!” Lauren pulled her to the dance floor and started grinding into her. After that Camila’s memory of the night dimmed.***The insistent ringing jolted Camila out of her slumber. She had to climb over Lauren, dig through the clothes sprawled all over the floor to find the offending electronic.“Hello?”“Camila? Where the hell are you? Your shift started an hour ago!”Camila opened her eyes in alarm. She turned her head towards the light from the window and then back to her phone to check the time. It was past nine. “Shit,” she muttered as she stood up quickly before falling back to the floor. Her body did not like the sudden movement. “I’m going to be there as soon as I can.” Camila ended the call, steadied herself, and stood up again this time slowly. She was about to take a step to the bathroom when Lauren reached out to grabbed her arm.“Where you going?”“I’m late for work, babe. I have to go.”“Don’t go… stay here with me,” Lauren said refusing to release her grip. “We don’t spend enough time together,” she added with in a whiny tone.Camila sat down beside Lauren. “We just spent the night together, babe.”“But then you always leave. I don’t want you to leave. What if you decide not to come back? What if you decide that somewhere else is better than here with me?”“I think that’s the hangover talking. You know I love you, right?”Lauren just pouted at Camila. After a second, she turned her back.“Babe… Lauren… hey…” Camila stroked Lauren’s arm. Lauren pulled her arms away and tucked it inside the blanket. Camila took a deep breath and shook her head. “I really have to go to work. We’ll talk later, okay?” As she stood up and walked away, she can’t help but think how their perfect relationship was riddled with little bits of this and that.***Camila just lined up to get some food in the cafeteria when she felt an arm on her shoulder. She slowly turned around and found herself face to face with a scowling Dinah.“I guess the rumors were correct. You are still alive. I wouldn’t know since I haven’t seen or talked to you for more than a month.”“Cheche,” Camila forced a smile as she tried to hug Dinah, pushing down the feeling of guilt. “You’re right, it’s been a while. I miss you.”“Do not Cheche me!” Dinah said as she backed away from Camila, wagging her finger at Camila’s face. “I’ve just been busy…”“With what? Too busy to even give your girl a 5 minute call to explain what’s happening?”“It’s just… you know…”“Lauren got your wrapped up tight under her fingers. Is she confiscating your phone when you’re together?”“Don’t be like that Dinah.”“Oh so you’re just blindly following her wherever she goes? Like a little doggie.”“It’s not like that…”“I’ve seen you in a club with her.” The last word spoken with disdain. “You didn’t even see me. You never took your eyes off her. I don’t think that’s healthy.”“Have you seen her? Who wouldn’t want to be with her all the time?” Camila said defensively.“Normal people.”“Camila!”Both Camila and Dinah turned around to see Lauren walking towards them.“I brought lunch. Good you haven’t bought anything yet.”Camila could feel Dinah’s eye boring into her.“I am just going to go.” Dinah said as she walked out.“Dinah…” Camila tried to follow her friend but Lauren reached her and held her hand. And Camila looked at Lauren and forgot why she was anxious in the first place.***Lauren entered the cafeteria and saw Camila and Dinah huddled together. A feeling of jealousy struck through her. She’s not losing Camila this time, she’s not taking chances. Plastering a smile on her face, she strode towards them calling Camila’s name. She then watched as Dinah frowned at Camila, shook her head and walked away. Camila looked like she wanted to follow her but Lauren walked faster and grabbed Camila’s hand and turned her to face her.“Hey babe, I made you lunch.” Lauren said as she smiled at Camila.“You shouldn’t have.”“I want to. Come on, let’s sit there and eat.” Lauren said as she pointed to an empty table. Lauren watched as Camila ate and talked, while taking just a few bites herself. She didn’t want to lose her, again.After leaving Camila at the hospital, Lauren went to her therapist. She doesn’t have an appointment but she hoped that she can slip her in and she was right. After waiting for about an hour, she was sitting in front of the doctor.“What brings you here Lauren ahead of our schedule?”“I just saw Camila with someone else and I totally went crazy. Not crazy crazy hands flailing around, unable to breath crazy but more like I have to do something to keep her away from everybody else while looking calm and normal.”“We talked about this before. You’re reacting to what happened in your dreams, not what really happened. That’s unfair to the people around you.”“I know… but I can’t help myself.” Lauren covered her face with her hands. “That’s why I need help.”“Does Camila know?”“No.”“You have to open up to her and tell her what you’re going through. She can help pull you back to reality.”“I don’t know.”“You want a real relationship with her, right? And you don’t want to feel guilty everytime your actions were because of things that happened in your dreams.”“Yes.”“Then you should be truthful with her.” ***“This is so nice, Lauren,” Camila said when she entered the apartment and took in all the candles that lighted the room and the flowers that Lauren handed to her. “I love it.”“Why don’t you change into something more comfortable while I set out the food?”“Okay,” Camila said with a smile as she headed to the bedroom.Lauren’s smile faded from her face. She walked to the kitchen to bring out the food but each step and movement felt like they were lined with steel. She can still back out. And she wanted to back out but she felt like she owe it to Camila, the real Camila. By the time she finished setting up the table, Camila came out dressed up in cute yellow dress.“What’s this all about?” Camila asked as she sat down. “Did I miss any special date? I have everything in my calendar so…” Camila tilted her head and then suddenly looked at Lauren. “Are you breaking up with me? Is this what this is?”“No,” Lauren said with a nervous laugh. “Don’t be ridiculous. Let’s eat first. I have all your favorites here.” She added as placed food on Camila’s plate.Camila furrowed her brows as she began to eat. She tried to engage Lauren but she looked like she was in another world. “I can’t take this anymore. Just tell me what you want to say.”“Let me tell you a story first,” Lauren started as she placed her spoon on the plate and after taking a deep breath started to tell Camila about the story of these two girls who met in an audition, became part of a group and fell in love. How they broke up and suffered. And after some time met again and fell in love once again. Except it’s not again because they never really fell out of it. How they fought everyone and came out. And then they were free to love each other until the end.“That’s quite a story.”“It’s about us,” Lauren said simply. “When I was in a coma before I knew you, I dreamt about you. I must have seen you, heard you and my brain made up this story about us.”Camila reached out across the table to hold Lauren’s hand. Lauren shook her hand away.“You don’t understand. All that time I was under, I dreamt of a lifetime with you. We had a life together. When I finally woke up, I couldn’t understand why you won’t hug me, why you won’t kiss me.”“Oh Lauren…”“Then I realized what happened. But realizing and understanding are two different things. Even now… more now actually.”“What do you mean?”“Sometimes I do things because of what happened in my dream. I’ve lost you twice already. When you left me in the dream and when I woke up. All these time, I’m so afraid of losing you again. I can’t…”Realization dawned on Camila. “You’re not afraid of losing me… You didn’t fall in love with me because of me… you were already in love with that dream version of me.”“No… yes…” Lauren paused. “I don’t know… there are times when I can’t tell what really happened and what were just parts of my dreams… especially when it comes to you.”Camila stood up and accidentally knocked her chair down. “I don’t know how to process this…”“I know it’s complicated and I’m getting help. I’m undergoing therapy. Because I want us to work.”“You want this to work with that dream girl. I’m not her, Lauren.” Camila said as she stepped backwards. “I have to think about this…” Camila said as she grabbed her coat and bag and walked to the door.“Where are you going?”“To think.”***Camila walked out of her apartment. It was night and the sky was dark with the only moon as its light. And that was how she felt except for the moon slowly getting smaller and smaller. The light was dimming until she was covered by the dark. Lauren did not love her, not the real her. There’s this part of her that was shouting that it’s better than nothing. But how is this better? When Lauren looks at her, she’s not really seeing her. When she touches her, she’s touching another. It’s like she wasn’t really there. She doesn’t know how to fix this. But she knew that Lauren and her together will only make it worse. Maybe it’s time they just need. There’s no other way, not today. ***“Don’t do this, Camila. I’m in therapy. I am going to get better. I want to get better. For you Camila, for you.”“That’s exactly the problem. I’m the problem. You’re so fixated on this dream that as long as I’m here, you’ll keep on confusing the truth with the dream.”“How about you? Don’t you love me, don’t you want us to work out?”“It’s only been a month Lauren, don’t be so dramatic.” Camila turned around after uttering those words, she doesn’t want Lauren to see how saying those words hurt her. But Lauren needs to get better and she needs to get on with her life. ***“So now, you have time for me again.”“Dinah… I broke up with Lauren. I hope you’re happy.”“Girl!” Dinah sat up offended. “I didn’t want you to break up with her. I just want you to have some time for me.”“I know… I’m sorry. I really am. I got pulled into this rabbit hole and now… and now…” Camila broke down crying.Dinah went over and enveloped her friend in a hug. “Shhh… shhh… it’s going to be alright.”“I want to go out tonight.” Camila suddenly said. “I want to forget everything that happened this last year.”
After Six Months
Camila was in a bookstore looking through some books when someone bumped into her.“Sorry,” a familiar raspy voice called out to her.Camila turned around to look at an equally surprised Lauren.“Lauren. Nice to see you.”“Likewise.” Lauren said as she subtly looked up Camila. “I like your shorter hair, looks good on you.”“Thanks. I like the nose-ring.” Camila said.“It was quite painful at the start but all good now. Oh and I also have tattoos.”“Great. I have… well I still the same body.”“It’s a good one so I guess that’s great as well.”Camila didn’t know what to say after that, so she just stood there.“Well, if you two are done with this awkward conversation, can we go now Camila? You’ve stared at these books for an hour already and I’ve already browse through all the magazines.”“Ah yea, of course,” Camila said as she turned her head briefly to look at Dinah who appeared from behind the bookshelf. “It’s nice seeing you, Lauren.” “Same.” Lauren then turned to nod at the other girl. “Dinah.”“Lauren.” Dinah nodded back.Camila and Dinah had walked a few steps when Camila stopped. She paused for a second before looking back. She found Lauren staring at her intently until she broke into a smile and mouthed an apology. Lauren gave a little wave before turning into the other direction. Camila bit her lip, as she followed Lauren with her eyes. Letting out a big sigh, she ran to her. “I have to ask. Who do you see when you look at me?”“I see this person who nursed me back to health when I was ill and who I may have hurt in the process.”“So not a pop star anymore?”“I actually haven’t heard you sing once.”“There’s a reason for that, you know.”“Oh… that’s a pity. Considering I can’t sing a note to save my life as well.”“We should definitely do karaoke nights, then.”“Only if I’m included!” Dinah said as she placed her arms both girls. “Going to save both your asses from an army of tomatoes.”