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“Nikita, are you coming down? The empanadas should be ready soon!” Nikita’s mother says through the door of her childhood room.“I’ll just be a moment, mama!” Nikita sits on her bed, gazing at her iPhone as it lights up the room.“Alright sweetheart, I will have one ready for you,” Nikita’s mom says brightly.As Nikita hears her mom leave, she knows that her mom is still worried about her. Their relationship use to be so close and it pains the beauty guru that she is now lying about how she feels.It’s Christmas Eve and five months since her and Matt’s return from Everlock. To the outside world, they were missing for three months, and the cover story was a “mass kidnapping” like the other two from before--a cover story that hides the dark truth. And now, Nikita gets to celebrate Christmas, while seven other families have to have their first Christmas without their child or sibling, and it doesn’t feel right!Nikita gazes out her window and sees small specks of snow falling from the Virginia sky. It’s been a while since she celebrated the holidays back home, but after everything that has happened, Nikita wanted to get away from LA as much as possible. Away from anything that will remind her of Joey, her fallen friends, and especially Manny.Nikita gazes at the last photo they took together before everything fell apart. The two friends were planning on going to Coachella before Joey’s invites derailed their plans; Nikita smiles at the two of them dressed in their wild rambunctious outfits, posing in a sexy manner, looking forward to the craziness they would have at the festival. Manny’s pursed smile gazes back and creates tears through Nikita’s eyes.Oh if only they just kept to their plans instead of going to a hell town where she would become Manny’s murderer!Their faces fade to black as an incoming call appears, much to Nikita’s annoyance! She looks at the caller ID and groans, “Bitch, are you kidding me!” as the words “Lazarus Boy” appears on her phone screen. Every part of Nikita wants to ignore it, but she impulsively answers.“What do you want, Matt?” she deadpans.“Whoah, who screwed up your eggnog?” the theorist smirks on the other end. “I just wanted to check up and wish you a Happy Holidays.”The corners of Nikita’s mouth start to form into a little smile. “Oh, hi, I’m just with my family right now and wasn’t expecting any calls. How’s the family?” she asks, trying to stall any questions.“Um, everyone’s great! Ollie is getting bigger and my parents are in town. They are still coming to terms with my new hair!” Matt exclaims.Nikita giggles remembering the pic Matt posted of his dyed hair that he got from his charity livestream back in November; something that really took Nikita by surprise. Apparently the fans thought mixing red and green together would be a cool look for the theorist, but personally, Nikita would have preferred purple or rainbow.“Well, what did you expect? Honestly, one moment you look like the lead protagonist to a fantasy anime, and the next you look like Buddy the Elf threw up on you!” Nikita laughs, and her laughs increase because of Matt’s infectious laughter. Now Nikita remembers why she always answers the phone to her fellow survivor. He always seems to make her feel better, but then again, MatPat always had a way of making people smile.“Yeah, you are right about that! I’m glad I gave you something to laugh about.” Then, Nikita can hear his expression change. “But really, how are you doing?”Nikita gazes at her hand, her emerald acrylics shining back at her. Every part of her wants to hang up right now, avoid dealing with this therapeutic bullshit, or even just tell Matt to butt out. Yet, she doesn’t.“I’m trying”, Nikita responds while suppressing her tears. “It’s been five months, and the nightmares still happen. It still hurts. I’m not as hysterical as I use to be, and it’s been three months since I last broke something on purpose. But...” Tears flow down Nikita’s face; she’s unable to get out what she wanted to say.“No one expects you to be fully whole, especially not after five months,” Matt reassures her. “I still have nightmares too, and not a moment passes where I don't relive my death...” Nikita hears him pause and compose, and her heart aches for Matt. She remembers the Strong Man murdering him, the look of confusion and trauma on Matt’s face when the Harp brought him back, and Nikita watched him pick up the pieces after. “Or my guilt doesn't get the best of me when I see pictures of Safiya and Ro. We survived, Nikita, and all we can do is just keep getting through each day for everyone.”“The thing is,” Nikita cries, “Ro died with nothing but love for you! I gunned my best friend down, and his face read nothing but hurt and betrayal!” By this point, she gives up on keeping her tears at bay, and she begins to sob. “At least you have your wife and baby to help you cope!”“And you have your family to help you!” Matt says. “I’m sorry if I made you cry, but Nikita, what happened to us was unfair! And trust me, it would be so unfair for anyone to judge you for what you were forced to do! You are a fighter, Nikita, and you have people who will back you up! Your family, your friend Gabby, Joey (wherever the hell he is), and myself!”Nikita carefully rubs her tears off to avoid ruining the makeup she worked so hard on. She knows Matt is right, and she still wonders why after everything she did and said to him while they were fighting for their lives in that town, he always has her back.
Guess that’s what having empathy is like, Nikita thought.
When Manny died, Nikita believed she didn’t deserve to have friends, that she was meant to be alone and unworthy. Thinking back on her behavior, it disgusted her how cruel she was. Yes, Nikita was trying to survive and had to put up walls to avoid looking weak and breaking down, but in doing so, she appeared to have little to no remorse for the other innocent people who died, and she became Regina George in the worst kind of way. She convinced herself it was to keep her and Manny alive...until she made the choice to murder him in order to save herself; that she was a cold hearted bitch for nothing! Yet here’s Matt, whose friend she blasted to his face while her corpse was still warm and had no problem calling him expendable, calling her on Christmas to check up on her.
A pregnant pause passes between the two.
“Nikita,” Matt’s worried voice sounds, “you still there?”
Nikita takes a deep breath and wipes the last of her tears. “Well shit! Who needs therapy when I got you! But you are going to pay for screwing up my makeup, bitch!”
Matt chuckles on the other line. “It’s what I do!”
There’s a knock at Nikita’s door, and she knows it’s time to end the call. “Matt, I have to go, but don’t think you are off the hook! We’ll settle things on Saturday when I beat your ass at Mario Party!”
“Oh, I will be waiting on it when you get back to Los Angeles!” the theorist laughs. “Happy Holidays, and I will talk to you later!”
“Happy Holidays, Matt!” Nikita says, then immediately, “Matt?”
“Yeah?”
Nikita smiles as she feels her heart warm up again. “I appreciate you calling me! I needed that!”
There is a short pause on the other end. “Always Nikita! And thank you!”
“Bye Matt”
“Bye”
Nikita turns off her phone and gets off her bed to the door. Opening it, she sees her mom waiting for her, a look of concern on her face.
“Nikita, are you alright?”
Nikita nods and then envelops her mother into a hug, gratitude and joy spreading through her body. “I love you, mommy!” she says, feeling a spark of light within her after such a long time.
Nikita could feel her mom smile as she embraced her daughter, her arms feeling like home. “I love you too, sweetheart!”