Work Text
third person povkeith had always loved theatre. he loved how every time he stepped on stage his brain seemed to throw out all of his prior anxieties of the average high school student, and to live in the moment as a performer.he loved the adrenaline rush he felt every time he heard his voice project throughout the theatre through the tiny microphone tapped to his face sloppily and when his cues for his next line were said back to him. he loved the slight warmth of the spotlight being on him and he loved how everyone was looking at him as he sang his solos, he just loved theatre, and there wasn't anything about it he hated.most of the school day he spent anticipating theatre. he wasn't particularly fond of the usual school day, mostly because his friends were limited outside the walls of the auditorium, and even then he only kept a few people close and called the rest acquaintances. he found his regular boring academic classes too easy so it left him time to space out and still understand what was going on, and during this time of the year specifically he paid no attention to whatever was happening in his classes. though he appeared lazy through an academic standpoint, the auditions for the fall musical "dear evan hansen" were after school and he intended on getting the lead. ben platt is one of his biggest musical inspirations and getting this role and being able to honor him in that was would mean everything to him, if he got the part."hey keith!" a voice said, plucking him out of his imagination. he turns to face one of his only friends, allura, who is also going to the auditions after school. "what?" he said a few minutes later, realizing he hadn't actually replied back to her. "class is almost over you idiot! don't you know what that means?" she didn't wait for him to answer back, knowing he probably wasn't listening anyway. "that mans that we are a few minutes closer to getting casted as the leads in our favorite broadway show!" keith smiles back at her in response, mostly because he doesn't know how to articulate how he feels. his smile was pained behind the plastered one, but he couldn't help his anxieties about the show and whether or not he is worthy of playing such an iconic and distinctive role.if he was asked how he was doing in this moment, keith would just scream as loud as possible and hope that got his point across.***as soon as he heard the bell ring, something in him woke up. he began to sprint to the theatre, not even realizing how fast he was really going. maybe it was a good thing that before high school keith was a track star. he was dismissed from his seventh period class roughly about thirty seconds ago and he was already halfway to the theatre, which is on the opposite side of the campus. he stood outside the building for a few seconds attempting to catch his breath, realizing how idiotic it was to sprint in the first place. when his heart was back in his chest completely and he could breathe normally, he realized how many unsuspecting students he must of shoved out of the way unknowingly. he didn't really linger on that fact.a few minutes subsequent, he made his way into the air conditioned room, and curses himself for not thinking of going inside sooner. he makes his way to the back of the stage, ready for his audition. his hands shake and his heart leaps every time somebody gets called on stage, and he pities the backstage crew for the auditions, especially the poor guy who had to tape a mic pack to keith while he was squirming around in fear.normally his anxiety would be a lot worse before an audition but this time he felt he actually had a chance. he felt different today. he wasn't sure why or how, but he had a large amount of confidence and he wasn't going to throw away his shot for his lead role. especially his dream lead role.***a few minutes later he heard his name be called from the other side of the curtain. he holds his breath in anticipation until he fells the familiar warmth of the stupid spotlight on his skin."so what song are you going to sing today keith?""today i am going to be singing 'on my own' from les miserables.""okay, you may begin."he knew in his heart it was a big mistake to choose a mainstream musical for his audition song, but he knew his voice and knew that it was unique enough on its own to set his audition apart from others.as he began, he felt the eyes of the judges on him, and he felt the emotion rushing to him. he looked up to the tech room, and found a boy with the brightest blue eyes smiling at him and his motivation to kick ass at this competition was settled inside of him.when he finished, he found himself littered with tears he hadn't known had even formed. he smiled at the judges before muttering a quiet thank you before scurrying offstage. it was a risky song to sing, especially since it was originally sung by a female, but he truly believes that his voice will set his audition apart from the rest. the anxiety of being too basic and singing le mis hadn't gotten to him yet, but he knew the breakdown was inevitable. behind the curtain he was surprised to see allura waiting for him with open arms. keith accepted the hug, and he felt her warmth and immediately smiled. "keith you were so incredible!" she said happily. he smiled again, finding himself loosing words to say. "thanks 'lura, i really hope i get the part." "i bet you will."***one week later keith found himself in the same situation as last last week. he was stressing in his seventh period . his leg was violently shaking under his desk, and he was biting the inside of his cheek to refrain from tapping his fingers on the desk. as the bell rang, he was once again sprinting out the door to see if he got the part. the stage door had a huge crowd of anticipating students surrounding it, and he was patient enough to not shove through the group.when he got to the stage door ten minutes later, his eyes widened as he scanned the list for his name. luckily he didn't have to scan too far.evan hansen: keith koganehe saw the four names on the list and he felt the biggest smile he could manage form on his face. he didn't care how much of an idiot he looked like standing near the door smiling, especially when keith was known to not be the one to smile often. he immediately felt allura behind him and she saw the smile and the tears leaking down his face and she hugged him with all the emotions she could. later she told him that she got the role of zoe murphy and he initiated the hug. keith wrapped his arms tightly around her and cried on her shoulder."i can't believe i actually did it," he cried, still hugging allura. she was the one who broke the hug, her arms still planted on his shoulders. "keith, you absolute idiot, of course you were going to het the part! the raw emotion you showed in you audition was impressive enough coming from you, but its enough to show that you can be emotionally vulnerable enough to play the lead in this show. you were exactly what they were looking for" and keith smiled for the millionth time that day. "i'm glad i don't have to be the lead without you by my side," he said happily. "well i'm glad they don't have to worry about getting someone who can't cry in demand," allura teased, knowing keith is usually devoid of emotions.as the two were laughing amongst themselves, a teacher was approaching and stopped in front of the duo. "i'm very happy to have you two as my leads," mr. coran smiled. "rehearsals start next monday and i'll see you two there." as the teacher spun back around, both of them almost exploded with excitement."come on keith, lets go celebrate! you've been cheesy enough for a lifetime so i don't want to have to hear you be disgustingly sweet anymore. come on, ill buy you ice cream!" "but i'm lactose intolerant?" "it's not like you care anyway!" allura said, pulling him along with her.***"oh my god can you please shut up already?" allura laughed, lightly shoving keith. he laughed in return, shaking his head. "no fucking way. i got the role ben platt had on broadway, i'll be talking about this until i'm physically incapable of talking." allura groaned in response. "you're so oblivious to how talented you are, i'm genuinely going to shove you off a cliff one day." "do it, coward." keith said back, his voice purely monotone. "and there's my akira!" allura said affectionately, making keith fake gag in response.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
keith couldn't keep his mind off his audition. when he got home, he ran into his house screaming. shiro was obviously worried, oblivious to the good news that was following. "i got the part!" he said happily, shiro obviously confused at his brother's sudden good mood. he beamed at his little brother and gave him the biggest hug he had ever had in his life. he proceeded to run upstairs to call allura in skype and scream a bit more.monday came slower than keith had anticipated and he was beyond prepared for rehearsal that day. before he was ready to sprint out of his class, his teacher had stopped him. "keith, i'm aware you are excited for rehearsal, and its amazing that you're finally expressing some kind of joy, but please be more careful. i've had several companies of injury from a boy nyooming, so please for the love of god stop running." he knew in his heart his english teacher was joking, but h said it weirdly serious. this was the same english teacher that played bob ross videos on his projector and had fifty sticky notes all saying "spaghet" hidden around his room, so he nodded his head and proceeded to walk slowly out of the room, giving his teacher finger guns and a tongue click.when he finally got to the theatre, everyone turned to look at him with confusion. "keith, why'd you take so long to get to rehearsal today?" someone said, laughter filling the silence. he shook his head before walking towards the stage, taking a eat towards the front of the house. allura plopped down in the seat next to him with her eyebrows raised. "wow keith 'gotta blast' kogane actually late to rehearsal? how would of thought?" "you're right allura. thot. there were some kids complained to mr. turner about a "nyooming boy", his words not mine, and i got a speech about not trying to not injure the student body." "you're such an idiot," she said sighing.mr. coran clapped his hands, gaining the attention of all the students. "hello everyone! congratulations to everyone that got casted! thank you all for auditioning!" the students smiled back at him before erupting in applause. "alright, alright kiddos. nows that the fun part's over, we have to begin working on our show! before i hand out the books, i'd like you all to meet your technical crew. these guys will be here every rehearsal making sure you guys look and sound amazing so make sure you're kind to them because they can potentially ruin the show for you. okay, can i have all my tech crew members join me on stage please?"a small group of students collected next to mr. corn, all of them shuffling awkwardly. "okay so.." he points to a girl with large round glasses and messy auburn hair, "this is katie holt, but please refer to her as pidge, and she handles everything that has to do with sound design and lighting." "hi pidge," everyone in the audience said, their voices monotone. next he points to a girl with straight black hair and olive green eyes, "this is nadia rizavi, she is an assistant to ms. holt and also handles lighting specifically." "hi nadia" the group said again, still monotone. after several more students are said hello to, coral points to a boy with the most dazzling blue eyes. "this is lance mcclain, he handles just about everything. if you have any problems with literally anything make sure to seek out our technical director, lance."keith's povi took another quick look at the boy with the sky in his yes and i could feel myself turn red. pidge was already doing an amazing job with her lighting. his eyes sparkled more than anyone else's up on stage, and it felt like i could see the entirety of the galaxy in his eyes if i looked close enough.a lump was caught in my throat when everyone else said his name back to him, their voices scarce of any sort of emotion. allura turned to me with a concerned frown and raised her eyebrows. "you good?" she said, smirking to herself, probably trying to decode my actions. i shrugged my shoulders unconvincingly, clearing my throat.today has been a day.**we sat in a little circle in our pajamas the following saturday, all of us reading out our lines. i really had to work on memorizing my lines, because i hadn't had to memorize this much before. before i had been so distracted with getting the part to actually go through and perform the role."keith!" matt said, hitting me on the shoulder with his book. i turned to him, accidentally knocking his glasses off his face because of my lack of awareness of proximity. "what?" "well for one thing thanks for almost breaking my freaking glasses you doof, but its your line next." my eyes widened. i hadn't been paying attention to where we were. "we're at your letter monologue," matt whispered helpfully. during rehearsal, I've been getting close to the guy who plays mr. murphy, matt holt. he's a couple years older than me but he doesn't mind being a seventeen year old friends with a fifteen year old. but honestly matt acts like he's twelve most of the time so i barely remember the age difference.i turned the page to the monologue i was supposed to say five minutes ago and dramatically cleared my throat to get everyone to look back at me."dear evan hansen, turns out this wasn't such an amazing day after all" i said, sighing. "this isn't going to be an amazing week or an amazing year because, why would it be?" i said longingly, trying to get into the mindset of the character.think keith, think. think about that time your friend chloe promised you'll be best friends forever but the next day passed you in the hallway and when you went to say hi to her she turned around and asked "and you are?" before running off snickering."i mean face it, would anyone notice if i just disappeared tomorrow? sincerely your most but and dearest friend, me."everyone applauded me.i felt like it was premature, because this monologue hit a little too close to home for my liking and i was barely acting, but nobody else needs to know that.one of the only reasons i got this role was because how honestly i could play this character. i truly know how he felt through the show, his anxieties mirrored mine and i didn't have a lot of friends my freshman year. and honestly i didn't imagine having any friends throughout high school. constantly i expect allura to leave my side, but she hasn't for some reason.but as i looked up to see matt and allura smiling at me with the goofiest and fondest grins the doubt that i wasn't good enough for them faded away.***theatre practices were always fun, coran gave us half an hour to play get to know each other games. i internally cringed a bit, having a hatred for socializing but i had an excuse to make fun of matt and allura for an hour so i wasn't too pissed off. he claims that the closer you are as a cast the better the production will be, so the whole crew, including tech, sat in a non circular circle. as i looked around the circle of theatre kids all sitting cross-legged i didn't feel as left out as i normally would in times like these. nadia spoke up next, "okay so we're going to go around the circle and everyone state your name, your favorite song from any musical, favorite color, and favorite ice cream flavor. i'll start."she sat up properly, cracking her back slightly and smiling. "my name is nadia, i love every song from dream girls because beyoncé is a queen, my favorite color is purple, and my favorite ice cream flavor is piña colada." she said everything in one breath, which was impressive but i was too busy holding back laughter because matt was next."hi my name is mathematics, but you can call me matt, i love the song turn it off from book of mormon because meme, my favorite color is the ugliest shade of orange, and my i don't have a favorite ice cream flavor because i love all of them the same." allura and i were desperately trying not to laugh but i cracked and giggled a bit. matt turns his head quickly towards me, his glasses flying off the bridge of his nose and hitting me in the face. "alright kogane, if you think you're so clever, go on," i smacked him on the head before clearing my throat. "hi my name's keith.." i started awkwardly. everyone laughed at the brief pause in between my sentences. "my favorite color is either black because of its metaphorical undertones or ocean blue." the last part slipped out of my mouth before i could stop it and i looked over to allura who was starring daggers into me. "uh, my favorite song from a musical is meant to be yours from heathers because jd is ...cool, and my favorite flavor of ice cream is vanilla because i'm the most plain and boring person in the world." i sighed as i finished, and i didn't dare look to my left or right, afraid of what expression was on matt or allura's face. everyone laughed at the last part of my 'speech' and it left me smiling but i knew allura will ask me about the other details i said later.everyone in the circle was laughing and happily sharing these things nadia told us to, and and finally it got the boy with galaxy eyes, the boy that had been stuck in my head for the past two weeks. "my name's lance, but you can call me tonight.." he laughed. "i'm joking ok, nadia stop looking at me like that! uh my favorite color is blue, as you can probably see," gesturing to the all blue abomination he was wearing, "my favorite song from a musical is sincerely me from our show because i love satirical humor, and how it shows the point of view of one of the main characters you don't get to know too well." "also my favorite ice cream flavor is strawberry because i too am plain keith."allura nudged my shoulder and i felt my cheeks heat up subtly. "oooooh keeeiiiithh.." she cooed into my ear while matt was poking my shoulder with his mouth gaping. without thinking i messed up his hair and stole his glasses. "oh you FIEND." matt said mockingly, obviously not impressed. "you don't get these back until you're not a bitch." i said sternly, crossing my arms. "oh shit." he said laughing. everyone else around us was messing around and not listening to our conversation, which i was really thankful for.after rehearsal was over, matt shoved my shoulder again, coming over to me with allura by his side. "follow us akira," he said weirdly seriously. he led me down the opposite hallway from where everybody else was going, and he and allura looked at me with their eyebrows raised. allura was the first one to snap. "k, what the HELL was that?" she asked sternly. she did look a bit excited but i was confused as to why. "what?" i asked, stalling the inevitable response i was having to come up with. "two words. lance. mcclain." she repeated, and matt nodded his head along with her words. matt's eyebrows were still raised suspiciously, and i looked at him mustering the confused expression as much as i could. "you have to talk to him!" allura said happily. "and why would i do that?" i said sternly. "keith... we know." she said ominously. those two words made me feel a hole in my chest get even bigger and my eyes widened. "guys.. i don't like him. i don't like guys, i'm not gay!" i said as a reflex.honestly i hadn't ever thought about that before. within the past couple of years i've been thinking more and more about the face that i don't like girls like other boys do, but i hadn't had a reason to really care. the subject being brought up so abruptly freaked me out a bit even though i've kind of accepted myself. i don't believe i'm fully gay though. "keith, please. it's okay." allura reassured, putting her hand on my shoulder comfortably. "i said i'm not!" i said louder, shoving her hand off my shoulder. i quickly turned around and raced the other way hoping to get as far away from them as possible.no matter what i do i have to stay away from lance mcclain.i'm not gay.at least i don't think..
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
when i got home, i flopped down on my bed, feeling absolutely miserable. i've already put myself into a box, i'm a male theatre kid. i'm already that emo loser and it's easy to pick on me as it is, though nobody would, and being gay is just another addition to the list of reasons i'd be rejected for. being gay would be an equivalent to me diving into shark infested water with an injured arm. my infatuation with mcclain is probably a phase, i just need to find myself the right girl. maybe i will soon enough.maybe it won't hurt to be his friend though.yeah, i'l try that.***on tuesday, i approached matt's locker. i knew allura was going to be there, and an apology was about to spill out of my mouth, but instead i lunged forward, captivating her in a hug. matt joined in too, and i felt his long arms wrap around me and allura. when the hug broke, i looked her in the eyes. "allura," i began, finally having the courage to apologize correctly. "no, stop." she said, putting her finger over my mouth. "i'm the one who should be apologizing 'kira. i'll accept you for whatever you are keith." she sighed, tears about to spill our from her eyes. "i'm sorry i forced a label on you." i hugged her again as a silent thank you. "you should still befriend him though," allura whispered in my ear. "ditto everything 'lura said from me and add two times the hugs." matt said, leaning up against his now closed locker. "thanks calculus," i laughed.**at rehearsal, i finally approached him. i was shaking with nerves, but i tried to act cool. "hey lance," i said casually, attempting to slide into my chair, but accomplishing it making myself look more awkward. he either didn't notice how weird i was being or didn't acknowledge it and either way i was thankful. "hey keith, what's up?" he asked, looking at me with those epitome of ocean blue eyes. i shook my head, trying to get my head out of the thought chain of what color his eyes are more like. "nothing much really. i was just trying to memorize these lines and failing." i said, turning my head towards the stage. "well i can help you run lines if you want!" he said happily. i nodded my head, trying not to focus too much on how his eyes sparkled when he spoke. "uh yeah, that would be good." i stuttered, mentally face palming. "cool, could you after rehearsal today?" i added as a follow- up. "yeah! that sounds amazing, i have nothing else going on today." he laughed with his really pretty laugh. "nice, okay. i'll see you after rehearsal then!" i said awkwardly, waving and backing away from him, almost tripping on a few backpacks on my way over to matt. i could feel my heart thump with every step- or er- half assed hop.he looked over towards me as i approached him. "so?" he questioned. "i'm running lines with him after practice today," i said, as calm as i could muster. i felt like i was floating. matt was right, life is like a ferris wheel. one moment you're at the bottom, and the next on top of the world. maybe it was a bad idea letting him borrow my copy of simon versus. my heart was floating in my chest and i had never wanted rehearsal to be over so fast. matt sat down in the front row, waiting for his time to go back up on stage, and i went over to allura. "geometry told me," she said. damn holt, stealing my thunder. coran stood on the stage, instructing us that he wanted to work on the opening number and matt, two girls named romelle and kim, and i all went on stage."have you been writing those letters to yourself? dear evan hansen, this is going to be a good day and here's why," kim scolded."i started one," i said, rolling my eyes while putting on my shoes.***i only had a small part in the opening number and didn't actually have to do any singing so i got to sit back and relax while i watched allura yell at the boy, james, who played connor. the number was coming together nicely, but the time ran out a lot faster than i had anticipated. it was already four o'clock and coran dismissed us.i saw lance leaning up against the frame of the door and i met up with him after spotting him. "here, i need to show you something, he said, taking my wrist and leading me down the hallway i hadn't been down before. i recognized it as the hallway that led to all of the tech rooms, so i hadn't really had a reason to be back there. "this is where all the techie go during rehearsal," lance explained. i nodded my head along with his words, processing the information. he took me into a warehouse looking room that i recognized as the prop closet, and we took a turn to go up a metal spiral staircase. "where the hell are you taking me?" i asked, laughing. "obviously to kill you." he deadpanned, but then cracked and started laughing. "ha ha" i replied sarcastically.the stairs almost seemed endless, especially considering they were spiral and really worn down, but i got lost in the fact that he was still holding onto my wrist."okay now, climb up here." he instructed, pointing up to a rickety ladder that was near the spotlight booth. "be careful though, that ladder is like a million years old." "aw, just like your humor!" i joked, he shoved my shoulder playfully in response. i swung my bag around to both put on both of my shoulders and i clutched the cold metal bars of the ladder. i had a hard looking exterior but in reality i was terrified of ladders and climbing up ladders. i held onto the railing for dear life and when i finally got to the top i looked around realizing where i was.that little shit took me to the upper lighting catwalk.i, being terrified of heights was not okay. but when he got up to the catwalk and looked at me with that soft expression and asked if i was okay i nodded viscously. better now than never that i'm getting over my fear of heights.he sat down next to me, hanging his long legs over the edge, but holding onto the cold railing he was sitting in front of. i sat crosslegged, not daring enough to let my legs dangle. "okay so, where do you want to start?" he asked. for a moment i forgot what we were doing here but i snapped back into my head. "how about the monologue right before waving through a window?" i suggested. he nodded his head. "sounds good to me."***"he thought you were awesome." i said, glancing over to him. "he thought i was awesome? my brother?" lance improvised while i practiced his song. "definitely!" "how?" i began singing."he said, theres nothing like your smile, sort of subtle, and perfect and real.."***"did he say anything else?" lance asked me, his eyes still sparking despite the lack of light in the room. "a-about you?" i stuttered. "never mind i don't really care anyways." he said quickly. "no, no, no, just, no, no he said, he said so many things, i'm just, i'm just trying to remember the best ones so, um-" i stuttered again, trying to nail the nervous atmosphere of the conversation. "that was really good, keith! you're such a good actor! you're being nervous and it's so believable!" he laughed. i chuckled to myself, my face slightly reddening. at least he can't see through me. "he thought, you looked really pretty, er, IitlookedprettycOOl, when you put indigo streaks in your hair." "holy shit you're a good singer." lance complimented randomly. it caught me off guard and i stuttered the next line unintentionally. "uhh thank you? i mean thank you." i said, mentally noting that i needed to learn how to talk to normal people.after an hour of messing around and eventually learning things about each other, it was time for us to go our separate ways and go home."thanks for helping me." i said boringly, not knowing how to phrase my gratitude. he smiled a wide goofy grin at me and he climbed down the ladder first, holding my bag for me on his shoulders. he dropped his bag to the bottom before he began climbing. "i'll be here for you, this is a really narrow ladder so it's really hard to go down." i smiled nervously at him, obviously freaking out about going down the ladder. "don't worry keith, i'll help you. i got you, don't freak out." he reassured. he took my hand as i began to climb down. about halfway down the ladder i misplaced my foot and felt myself falling so i tried to cling to the ladder. my clammy hands weren't beneficial though, because i slipped. my heart immediately dropped and my eyes widened. lance had his arms held out and i fell perfectly bridal style. there was an awkward crash, but he was stronger than i anticipated and he caught me just fine. i looked up in his eyes and immediately felt myself drowning in them, especially since this was my first time seeing them this close. he laughed awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. he was obviously nervous so i wasn't going to linger on it. "thanks lance!" i said, my voice higher than usual. i started to make my way towards the spiral staircase with him trailing behind me.***i was telling the truth when i said i hadn't really thought much about sexuality before, but honestly i had no reason to. it didn't really matter to me before, and i wish it didn't have to matter to me still. i didn't think i was gay, hell, in the past i wanted to make sure i wasn't gay. i knew it would make it a lot harder to be myself, but i'm fifteen and accepting that i might be gay. i just can't fully admit it yet. i know that pan and bi and so many other sexualities are there for labels, but i've never ever been attracted to girls. though i have faked it in the past, i don't think i could ever romantically like a girl.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
when i got home, matt was waiting for me on the steps of my house. he had the most ridiculous grin on his face when i was walking towards him and i knew what he was thinking."hey!" he said, standing up and stretching. "i didn't know when you were going to be done, but i called first dibs on all the details so hopefully this is okay. i had to literally fight allura for first dibs on details so please appreciate me," he said trying not to laugh. my seriousness broke and i laughed in response. "i mean i'm disappointed, but not surprised." i said, leading him into my house and up to my room after saying hello to shiro.when we got in my room, i sat on the floor, and geometry on my bed. "so, what happened?" he asked anxiously. i explained how he took me to the upper lighting catwalk and how we went over my lines, and eventually how he awkwardly caught me when i slipped down the ladder steps. "keith oh my god," he said, his hand over his mouth. i made sure to spare him the details of how much his eyes sparkled every time he was speaking and how sometimes the light could catch him in the perfect way making him glow.his long auburn hair was falling in his face, and he was smiling like a moron. "you like him, don't you?" he asked, seeing as my face was as red as a tomato. "um i wouldn't say that," i inquired, my face getting redder by the second. "aww akira, it's okay. i've seen how you've been way more quiet and broody than usual you've been for the past few weeks and i'm here to tell you it's okay." "please don't say anything to anyone," i said, standing up and walking towards him, and hugging him. matt is a lot taller than me, and when he hugs me i feel a million times shorter than 5'3."don't worry i was the same way when i came out to pidge in my car," he said. he hadn't told me yet, so i was a bit shocked at the news, but right now i just needed his comfort. "i was shaking like an idiot for the next ten minutes, so that's why i'm hugging you so hard, 'kira."i'm really thankful for friends like matt. he's the kind of person who will put your needs before his own any time of the day, and i'm really undeserving for his friendship. especially since i have known him for almost my whole life. he was one of the dumbest and loudest people i've ever met, but i cringe at the thought of where i would be without him. i'd probably be attempting to be fake edgy still, convincing everyone i was devoid of any sort of emotion.***i hadn't had the courage to tell allura anything yet, and it makes me feel terrible because i've known her almost my whole life. sometimes i question whether or not she knows me better than i know myself and the answer is always, yeah she does. but when matt was telling he his thought process when he came out to pidge i related a lot. matt might seem like an idiot most of the time but he had a way with words. 'i just don't want things to change, since i've known her for most of my life. although i know she'd be totally okay with it, i just hate change.'matt keeps smiling at me from across the classroom and it makes me stomach leap when he looks at me so knowingly. i still haven't fully accepted myself get, so i keep going back and forth decided if what i told him was a mistake. maybe it was a step in the right direction.i feel so horrible for avoiding allura for so long, but i hate change and i don't know how to approach the situation so i think that distancing myself would make it easier.allura wasn't having it though.we have math together, so the next hour i saw her slide into the seat next to mine with a confused expression. "so why are you avoiding me?" she asked, keeping her eyes completely focused on me. my heart skipped a beat when she asked, and i didn't know how to reply. "i'm not.. avoiding you." i said, each word getting quieter as they left my mouth. "what happened that day that's making you avoid me keith?" she asked again, more seriously this time. her expression shifted from curious to concerned and i couldn't not tell her the truth. "nothing happened, allura. he brought me to the light catwalk and we rehearsed my lines. that's all." i nervously said. i could practically see her rolling her eyes in my peripheral vision , but i chose to not acknowledge it. luckily she didn't add anything on to what she said before and she just turned around in her seat and started at the whiteboard in front of the classroom. i was surprised that matt hadn't said anything to her, but i was secretly thankful.lately, rehearsal had been an every day affair. as much as i love rehearsal, it's exhausting to have to socialize for that many hours a day. practicing for this musical is really draining me. matt and allura always end up laughing at me when we practice dance numbers because i'm always so out of beat.today we started with waving through a window and i guessed that coran was just going to go down the songs and i knew that i was going to be dead by the end of rehearsal. i was kind of scared to showcase my solo for the first time as well, but that was dug deep down.*"but i wasn't-" i said, panicking. "you're the fucking freak!" james screamed, shoving me to the floor and running away."i've learned to slam on the break, before i even turn the key," i sang, still clearly shaking. i'd admit i was nervous. i was always nervous preforming a solo in front of a new cast, but this time i just wanted to impress him.*"hey i'm sorry about my brother. i saw him push you, he's a psychopath. evan, right?" allura asks, curiosity present in her voice. "evan?" i repeated. "that's your name..?" "OH. yes. evan. it's evan. sorry." i said, trying to make this as awkward as humanely possible.*as i finished my solo, everybody started applauding me. allura and matt were standing up, as well as lance. i could feel my heart thumping around in my chest when j caught sight of him giving me a standing ovation. i was unaware that he was watching as it was, but now that i know he saw me sing with everything i got i felt my face turn slightly pink.surprisingly allura didn't tease me about anything that happened today. i'm guessing that she knew it was a sensitive topic and chose to avoid it or overstep any boundaries and i respected that greatly. as i picked up my bag and begun to walk out, i felt someone grab onto my arm. i panicked for a second before looking back and seeing lance smiling softly at me, his galaxy eyes shimmering as bright as ever."hey!" i said as lance dropped his hand off my arm. "hey! so i was wondering if you'd want to stay after a bit again? i had a ton of fun last time and i hadn't been able to catch you before you left at the last couple rehearsals." he smiled, his cheeks flushing. i nodded, not being able to think of any words to say. "soo... is that a yes?" he asked again awkwardly. "yeah! yes! sorry!" i returned dumbly. "man no wonder you got evan's part, you're just like him sometimes!" lance said, playfully punching me in the arm before taking my hand instead of my wrist and leading me again. i felt like i was going to explode when i felt him slip his hand in mine, but i didn't want to pause or say anything because i didn't want him to stop.he took me through the painted hallways that displayed bricks indicating all of the productions that had been done at this school. freshman year i used to hang out in this hallway a lot, just admiring the different bricks. by far my favorite was the into the woods one, that was my first show here and it'll always mean something to me. soon, we got back to 'our spot' and lance was climbing up the rickety ladder i was still very much so still afraid of. i was still horrendously afraid of heights, but i felt a little less scared every time i would see him smiling down at me. as i got myself back up onto the catwalk, i was steadying myself before i fell and lance grabbed onto my arm to steady me. "man, looking like you're always falling when you're around me!" lance laughed, obviously not realizing what he said. "you have no idea," i murmured to myself hoping he didn't hear it. luckily he didn't but he probably noticed how red my face was. this time, we went over the opening monologue i could never get perfect. "dear evan hansen, today's going to be an amazing day and here's why: because... because today, all you have to do is just be yourself. but also confident that's important and interesting and easy to talk to, approachable, but mostly be yourself that the big, like that's #1 be yourself..." i paused. i always forgot what came after this. lance picked up his book and quickly flipped to act one scene one to try to give me guidelines. "alright i'll give you a sentence," he said, focused on the book. he was waiting for me to acknowledge him so i nodded stiffly. "uhhh, just be true to yourself." lance prompted, gesturing towards me. "also don't worry if your hands are going to get sweaty for no reason," i continued, smirking to myself because i got it right for the first time. he applauded me, giving me a soft smile. "keith, you got it!" he said happily, still applauding me. "this is the biggest role i've ever had, i'm surprised i remember most of my lines honestly," i admitted, ducking my head down in embarrassment. "wait.. what were you in into the woods?" he asked, looking genuinely curious. "i had strep throat the day of auditions so i got casted as tree number 3," i smiled, imagining myself last year in a dumb tree costume. "now that i think about it that's kind of ironic because now i'm evan hansen, tree enthusiast with forest expertise." he laughed as a response, also giving me cheesy finger guns. "leave it to kogane to get the most contradicting roles." he tsked, hiding the fact that he was still laughing. his laugh was melodic, like extra lines in a song that belonged, and i could sit there repeating those lines over and over again and would never get tired of listening. the rest of our practice was going over my other mistaken and forgotten lines, but before i had to go he requested i would sing the finalé. i understood what he meant and i turned on the instrumental on my phone before turning to face him. "wait, what's your last name?" i asked quickly, obviously not thinking. "mcclain. why do you need to know?" i smirked at him in response before playing the music. "dear lance mcclain, today is going to be a good day and here's why; because today, today at least you're you and that's enough." i made sure to especially emphasize the last part because lance mcclain has one of the most intriguing and beautiful personalities of anyone i've ever met and he needed to know that. i'm sure that what he meant when he requested for me to sing the final song he just meant the first part, but i proceeded anyway. "all we see is sky, for forever," i sand, looking out towards the stage that was below us. though i wasn't looking directly at him during the song, i knew that even though we were on the catwalk that has all the theatre lights, his smile still shined brighter than those lights ever will. after the song finished, i looked over to him and saw glistening tears running down his cheeks. without thinking, i cupped my hand around his jaw and wiped the tear away. "make sure you listen to the dialogue, lance. you're really special and you need to understand that." he smiled with the softest smile anyone could ever muster and he began to lean in. just before our faces were going to touch, my phone rang. matt. i was going to murder him. our foreheads bumped together at the sudden surprise and i quickly stood up, looking at the offending phone. "sorry, i gotta take this," i lied. "what's up?" i answered. "you're like twenty minutes late where the hell are you?" i could hear the evident panic in his voice. i took my phone away from my ear for a second to check the time. "oh shit, sorry." i apologized. "it's okay, just get your ass out here loser." he said before hanging up. i turned back to lance with a frown. "i have to go, i'm sorry." "it's okay, i guess we just lost track of time, you don't have to apologize." i felt incredibly guilty for just leaving him like that, but he began to climb down the ladder and still offered me his hand on my way down. as we were making our way down the colorful hallway, i noticed how my hand felt really sweaty and realized that i was still holding lance's hand. my heart skipped a beat in my chest at the realization, and i'm glad he didn't notice that moment of hesitation on my part. before we got to the main door and had to go our separate ways, lance pulled me back by my hand and whispered a quiet thank you in my ear before casually walking off in the other direction. as i got into matt's car, i could see his dorky smile out of the corner of my eyes. "damn, you're so far gone already," he pointed out, driving away from the school. he poked my head with his finger when we were at a stop. "this bitch empty, yeet." he said softly before driving again. i had completely forgotten to tell him to shove off so i just rolled my eyes in response, still smiling at the prior whatever happened with lance. evan hansen might be a socially awkward idiot, but he does have a way with words. "subtle, and perfect, and real."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
the next couple days went by as fast as the others. i got to school, got bored through most of my academic classes and ended up throwing paper footballs at allura and matt, got scolded for throwing things at allura and matt, asked if i could go to the bathroom so i didn't have to be in class, waited for the one class i finally noticed i had with lance, and blocked matt on imessage every time he sent me a stale meme. *from calculus: link: i love you bitch (vine) 10 HOUR REPEATfrom calculus: u @ blue eyes you blocked calculus holt*when it finally got around to fourth period spanish 4, i was beyond done with this day. when i got in the class and expected to already be bored out of my mind, i saw lance standing there. i slid into the chair next to his, and looked at him confused. "since when were you in this class?" i questioned. smooth. "uhh probably as long as you have?" he said, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "ah, sorry. why didn't you say anything to me sooner?" i said seriously. he shrugged his shoulders. "i figured you'd only want to see me during theatre." "you're an idiot," i said finally. i was shaking my head fondly. "now i can finally start to care about this class," i added. "dude. i literally speak fluent spanish, i can help you pass if you need to." i shook my head. "it's not that i'm failing, i just have no reason to pay attention so i get bored and text matt." "bien, entonces. ¿cómo estás hoy?" (okay, then. how are you today?) he asked, smirking. "i'm good, thank you." i answered, knowing he wanted a response in spanish but i didn't want to be teased for how horrible my accent is. he rolled his eyes sarcastically. "i mean at least you understood a spanish one phrase," he mimicked. "oh shut up," i said, shoving him off his seat. "stop being homophobic, keith." he laughed while on the floor.*it had become a daily occurrence for lance and i to spend a couple of hours on the catwalk. every day i was beginning to realize how right matt was, i really was a goner.
"yeah so since i speak mostly spanish at home i have a spanish name that only my family calls me," lance said after talking fondly about his family. i looked at him with my eyebrows raised, gesturing him to go on. "yeah my birth name is actually leandro, but i figured it would be too hard to spell or pronounce for anyone so i just settled on being called lance." i smiled at him. "same actually. when i was little i used to go by my middle name but i figured it would be too hard to spell for these teachers so i just go by keith. it's akira by the way." lance looked over at me grinning, "i love that! can i call you akira?" he asked. i nodded. "thanks 'kira." he said, leaning into me. *it was stressing me out that we hadn't brought up the almost- kiss from a couple weeks ago. it was all i could think about in class, and it was driving me crazy. i almost even told matt, which is a new low.
you unblocked calculus holtfrom 'kira: matt i'm going insanefrom calculus: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOfrom 'kira: texting you was a mistakefrom calculus: NOOO COME BACK OWOfrom 'kira: i wont hesitate to block u bitchfrom calculus: ...i wont hesitate bitchfrom calculus: ALSO BLOCK ME COWARD U WON'Tyou blocked calculus holt*from akira ♡: i think one day i'm just going to murder mattfrom leo (lance): keith... you can't murder everyone who wrongs you... from akira ♡: who's stopping me?from leo (lance): first of all, the law enforcement.......from leo (lance): ...and mefrom akira ♡: dammit from leo (lance): i'm risking my life texting u in mr. t's class right now so i gotta go from leo (lance): i'll see you at rehearsal christiiiiiine you unblocked calculus holtfrom: 'kira: ...you were right *every day i hung out with lance i felt myself liking him more and more. matt's teasing got worse and wore the more i hung out with him or mentioned him in conversation and i felt like i was going to explode for not telling allura. he held my hand as we walked down the hallway again, and when he said goodbye he just looked at me longingly before slowly taking his grip off my hand and leaving. needless to say, when i got home i looked for shiro. when i got in the house, i found shiro in the kitchen. i momentarily forgot what i was going to say to him because him being in the kitchen is dangerous. "what are you doing?" i asked him, eyeing him curiously. i put my bag down on the stool next to me and hopped onto the counter. "you're going to yell at me like i'm a six year old," shiro whined. "shiro you're literally 23." i retorted. "i tried cooking again." he said, mot looking me in the eyes. "i mean at least our kitchen isn't a mess and it doesn't smell like burning flesh in here this time." i said, hopping off the counter and grabbing my bag. "no wait keith, what did you want to talk about." "oh yeah." i said flatly. "what's wrong?" he said carefully. "nothing's wrong i just wanted advice and i didn't know who to go to so.. yeah." i continued. he gestured to the stool i was just sitting next to, and he sat on the one adjacent. "well i guess.. i met this boy in theatre and i really like him.." i began before shiro interrupted me. "oh my god! okay sorry, go on." "-and i don't know what to do because on of the days that matt took me home i was late i guess and he called me when i was just about to kiss him and we haven't brought it up since." "first and foremost, thank you for trusting me with this, i'm really proud of you for telling me." he said, hugging me while i fake gagged. "since when did you get so mushy?" i asked jokingly. "and you used to be a soft spoken kid but what happened to that?" shiro retorted. "alright alright, what next?" "i think you should stop being a coward and talk to him." shiro said. "alright and that's the last time i'll ever take advice from you, you disaster." "that's how i got adam," he laughed, smirking at me. "i still don't know how that happened. you literally asked him out in a walmart. so incredibly classy." "at least i asked him out," shiro shrugged. "i'm sensitive aubrey!" i exclaimed, not even realizing what i was saying. "oh my god matt is rubbing off on me so much.." shiro looked at me with a disappointed expression. "keith, just talk to him, i bet he'll understand. you obviously care about this guy a lot.. by the way, what's his name? maybe i know him from the couple times i came into rehearsal to help the tech kids build the set." "that's why i'm not telling you, because you definitely know him." i groaned, putting my head on my sweaty forehead. "oh my god keeeeeith who is it?" shiro begged. instead of answering him i grabbed my backpack i had perviously put on the floor and ran up to my room. "you can't hide from me KIRA!"
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
from leo <3: hey 'kirafrom akira ♡: hey!from akira ♡: i'm hella bored in apush right now pls end mefrom leo <3: omg keef noooo : ((( history can b that bad??from akira ♡: you aren't in apfrom akira ♡: you don't understand. from leo <3: i guess not lol from leo <3: ANYWAYS i'm in art right now and i finished my project so i'm just watching vine compilations from akira ♡: you'd be great friends with matt from leo <3: i mean probs but then i wouldn't get to spend my time w u in theatrefrom akira ♡: AJDJFJJDSJDSfrom leo <3: ...did you just die or somethingfrom leo <3: keith..?*my heart was erratically beating in my chest after that exchange. i'm pretty sure one day lance is going to be the death of me and i'm at a point where i'm not really bothered by that. from 'kira: matt when you get your lunch can i have your carton of milk?from calculus: sure buddyfrom calculus: keith waitfrom calculus: you're lactose intolerantfrom calculus: WHAT HAPPENEDfrom 'kira: [IMAGE SENT]from calculus: omg he totally LIKES UUUUU from 'kira: please for the love of fucking god tell me you're not lyingfrom calculus: get ur mansfrom calculus: wow a conversation that didn't end up w me getting blocked,, dare i sayfrom calculus: owo whats this ***[group message] superior homosfrom emo knife boy: S H I R Ofrom emo knife boy: A D A Mfrom emo knife boy: i saw lance in the hallway after history and he said something cute and i ran away what do i dofrom a d a m: ur a messfrom takashit: well u have spanish after history right? so go to spanish class late and say you had to drop something off by the officefrom emo knife boy: holy shit for once you gave good advicefrom takashit: you're welcome sonfrom a d a m: why do i date u*i hung out in the bathroom until the late bell rang and i started to make my way to spanish. i tried to take the longest route possible, but the garrison was relatively small so i ended up getting to my class only two minutes latei casually slid into the chair next to lance saying "..hey" and he looked at me skeptically before shaking his head. "sorry i ran off i had to drop off something in the office and i kind of hate being late to class." i said quickly, giving him a generous amount of smiles. "no, it's okay i get it," he said, his voice not as bright as usual. "hey man, are you okay?" i asked casually placing my hand on his shoulder. "yeah i'm fine, just tired i guess." he whispered, his voice incredibly small for him. without thinking i slid my hand down from his shoulder to take one of his hands. "you can always tell me anything leo, you know that." i smiled softly. lance always brings out the softest side of me i guess. *[group message] superior gaysfrom emo knife boy: GUYS I HELD HIS HAND I'M ASDFGHJKfrom a d a m: good job ur less of a disaster than takashi isfrom takashit: rude
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
the rest of my spanish class lance and i joked around and made fun of each other while still doing all of our work that was due. i was finally starting to enjoy my academic classes.at rehearsal today, i was in an incredibly good mood. allura didn't ask why, which i was kind of thankful for, but it also made me feel weird, but when i looked at matt from across the room giving me a knowing look i knew what was going through his mind. today we practiced sincerely me, and that song is always really hard to practice since how genuinely hilarious it is and nobody can get through it without laughing a little. james, hunk, and i were all hopping around the stage laughing and singing and the rest of the crew was applauding along as we got through the song. "all that it takes is a little re-in-ven-tion! it's easy to change if you give it your- a-tten-tion! all you gotta do," we sang, squatting down at the last note. "is just believe you can be who you want to be, sincerely, miss you dearly, sincerely me!" the audience erupted into applause while all three of us were laughing at how horrible we were collectively at dancing. luckily the number called for messy 'bro' dancing so it wasn't like trying to perform a number from newsies. after rehearsal, i waited by the hallway entrance for lance to finish his tech stuff for the day. since it was friday, we weren't in any rush to get home so i wasn't bothered by the fact that i was still waiting for him. as soon as h emerges from behind me and scares me a big, he gestures down the hall and i followed him up to our spot. today when we got to the top, i was feeling brave. i slipped my legs through the railing in front us us and i let my legs dangle. lance gasped in response to this. "oh my god i stan character development!" "oh my god shut up," i said jokingly, shoving him. the height from the up here wasn't that terrifying to me anymore, and it seems dumb that i was once really scared of how high this was. "seriously though, i'm proud of you akira." lance said, knocking our knees together. the feeling of my legs against the cool metal felt nice, and i don't know why i hadn't done it before. soon enough we were back to rehearsing. we ended up going through most of my lines and now it was time for me to sing 'if i could tell her'. when i looked over to his amber lit face i knew what i wanted to do. that whole song usually just made me want to scream internally, but today i was just feeling brave i guess. "and he said, there's nothing like your smile sort of subtle, and perfect, and real." i sang. i paused. now or never i guess. "keith..?" he asked, clearly confused. "why'd you pause?" i leaned in close to his face, feeling my own heat up. "can i kiss you?" i asked, the sound barely making it out of my mouth. "yes." i brought our faces together and kissed him. i was slightly panicked that he wouldn't kiss back but soon enough i felt him do so so i deepened the kiss. i cupped his jaw with my hand and put my other hand around the back of his neck. his lips were soft, and he tasted sweet like vanilla. when we pulled apart his eyes captured the amber hue of the light and shined brighter than i had ever seen them before. "you're so gorgeous." i said quietly, my head still spinning from the face that i had kissed him. i could feel how stupidly i was smiling but his smile mirrored mine; his was the goofiest and biggest grin i had ever seen and i could feel my heart soar at the sight of him. "you're such a dork 'kira," he said softly. he brought our faces back together to initiate the second kiss. still chaste, still warm, still soft. this one was broken apart mutually because of how much we were smiling, and i placed our foreheads together so we were just gazing into each other's eyes. there were infinite possibilities of ways i could describe leandro mcclain's eyes, but one of them for sure had to be full of warmth. before i had known him i would of always considered the color blue to be a cold color. but it isn't, blue is the color of warmth and peace. lance's eye color is my new favorite color. "you know all along i was singing that song to you right?" i said subtly after he took my hand and finally intertwined our fingers. "you're literally so cute and blushy right now i don't know how i can function anymore." lance said, squeezing my hand. "you're the most beautiful person i've ever met," i said, my face beet red. he leaned in and gave me a quick peck. "no, you." he said softly before both of us erupted into laughter. :you know, ive wanted to kiss you for so long," i admitted. "then why didn't you, you coward." lance mocked. "no you," i muttered before putting my head on his shoulder.*the rest of rehearsal we spent in each other's arms reading lines from the show and occasionally kissing and talking. but i was really scared to face matt today. i knew he was going to demand for details and i think he just finds it satisfying to see my face erupt in flames because he's part demon. especially considering tonight since matt allura and i were going to have a sleepover i know he'd pry every detail out of me. lance and i walked down the hallway like usual, but this time our fingers were knotted together and both of our smile were twenty times bigger. before i left he tugged me back by my hand and kissed me one last time. my eyes fluttered shut as his lips touched mine. still chaste, still warm, still soft.*as i got in matt's car, i hard the exact question i had been dreading. "so spill. what happened today, you look a million times happier than i have ever seen you," he asked smugly. usually matt's questions wouldn't phase me but today i was hesitant to answer, but luckily my face answered for me. my face was as red as a tomato and there was no escaping the harrowing experience of matt's teasing. "oh my god keith your face is literally the reddest red of all reds could ever red right now so please tell me what happened before i explode!" he said excitedly, clapping his hands together and slamming them down on his steering wheel. "..nothing," i tried to say, i looked over to matt and he looked beyond skeptical. "keith that is such a lie and you know it. listen you don't have to tell me but low-key please tell me.." matt said, running his fingers through his messy hair. "alright, alright," "i may or may not have kissed him.." i said, ducking my head down to hide my face in my hands. "OH MY GOD KE-" "I SAID I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE. but also i may or may not have made out with him. twice." i said, my face still burning red in the palms of my hands. now matt was losing his shit. it is really bold of me to assume he ever had his shit together in the first place but now all sense of normality had completely flourished. i slowly brought my head up to look up at matt, who was now screaming and slamming his hands down on his poor steering wheel. "OH MY GOD KEITH YOU DID NOT." he screamed, losing his cool more and more as time went on. i shrugged at him and watched him scream for a couple more minutes. that dude had a large lung capacity, no wonder he was a singer. "why do we always say the gayest things in cars? is that just a thing?" matt asked me a few minutes later. i shrugged my shoulders as he put the car in reverse and backed out of his parking spot. "really though, i came out to pidge in a car, you told me how you made out with lance for like sixteen hours in a car, i wonder what other gay shit you'll confess to in my car." he said curiously. "alright son that's enough." i said jokingly before matt made his way to my house. ***shiro could sense something different as soon as i walked in the house, that's what he claimed anyways. "so what happened keith," shiro asked, pushing up the glasses on the bridge of his nose. i whipped my head around to look at him. "w-what?" i asked. "okay first of all you need to stop rehearsing so much because you're literally turning into your character, and two you heard what i said. what happened keith?" i shook my head, refusing to answer. "did you finally talk to him?" shiro asked, slowly getting up and making his way towards me like i was an afraid animal. "listen shiro..." i begun, taking a breath. "i gotta get to matt's house. i'll talk to you later." "KEITH! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" shiro yelled as i ran up the stairs towards my room.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
half an hour later i found myself in front of the holt household, or as matt forced us to call it the holthold. i was awkwardly holding a blanket and pillow as well as a backpack on my back and i knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer. i half expected allura to answer the door, but i was pleasantly surprised to see matt. "hey algebra, long time no see." i said, patting him on the shoulder as i went inside. when i got in his living room i saw allura laying on the floor, her hair sprawled out around her. "hi 'lura." i said, sitting next to her on the ground. "hi kira!" she exclaimed, sitting up and enrapturing her in a hug. "i feel like i haven't spoken to you in forever!" allura said, laying back down on the floor with her eyes glued to the tv. "i just saw you at rehearsal," i sighed, laying down next to her. "i know, but we haven't had best friend conversations in forever! it's almost like you're avoiding me, though i know you wouldn't!" i laughed nervously in reply, looking over to matt who just shrugged his shoulders. "well anyways, welcome to the pArty!" allura said in a fake american accent. "what are you guys watching anyway?" i asked, noticing that they were watching something really dark. "trigonometry over there got pissed that i hadn't ever seen a harry potter movie before so he's forcing us to watch all of them." allura said, her eyes still glued to the tv. "you haven't seen any of the harry potter movies?" i asked, shocked. "dude, you've known me since kindergarten, you should know this!" "what about during my harry potter phase? when i constantly talked about the third movie and how much i loved ron?" "i was pleasantly confused the whole time," she concluded, looking at me and laughing at my expression. "alright you sadist, which movie are we on?" matt looked up from the tv from where he was currently situated. "prisoner of azkaban," matt nodded. "that's the best one," i said, my voice low. "we know," both allura and matt collectively sighed. needless to say all of the bright blue things in the movie reminded me of lance. * four hours later we were on order of the phoenix, and i just had noticed that both matt and allura were asleep. matt still had his hand in his popcorn bowl which i took a picture of for blackmail, and allura looked incredibly peaceful. leave it to allura to look pretty while sleeping. i wasn't too bothered by being the last one up, because this happened way too often. the movie was still playing on the tv so i was content to still watch them. i woke up in the morning to someone hitting me with something i assumed to be a pillow, and i found out it was matt. i fake stretched my arms out, purposefully hitting matt in the face and sarcastically said sorry before laying back down. "thank god you're finally up," matt groaned, dropping the pillow and instead sitting on top of me. "maybe i would of woken up earlier if you guys had thrown something at me earlier," i groaned. "oh we did," allura piped up. "we played that game that you try to place the heaviest object on or near a sleeping person and it got to a point where it wasn't even fun anymore because you were sound asleep. geometry over there tried to stand on you to wake you up, but you wouldn't budge. i'm surprised whacking you with a pillow woke you up. you have always been a heavy sleeper, but i was seriously thinking you died." allura said, shaking her head fondly. "alright now that zombie akira is up i can make us breakfast!" matt cheered, making his way to the kitchen. "what are you gonna make?" i asked, rubbing the remaining sleep out of my eyes. "well i'm too lazy to clean an actual pan so i'm making pancakes, but without a pan." matt said, spraying what looked to be a waffle maker with pam. "matt you know that's a waffle maker, right?" i asked. "yeah, i'm making pancakes, but in a waffle maker." "but wouldn't that just be-" allura shoved he before i could finish my sentence. "don't" i saw her whisper. matt turned to me after he put the first batch of batter on the burner. "were you saying something 'kira?" matt asked. i shook my head. "nope, nothing," i said, staring daggers at allura. a few minutes later, matt served us his waffled pancakes. there was this one time that matt had tried to make macaroni and cheese but forgot to put the water in with the pasta and almost burned his house down, so i was pleasantly surprised that these were edible. "damn holt!" allura said, her mouth full. "these are actually really good!" "never underestimate my cooking ability," matt shrugged. "mathematics, babe. one time you tried to make waffles in the toaster oven and put them on top of each other and they caught on fire. we will always underestimate your cooking ability." i retorted, clearly amused. "i was literally four! don't pull up childhood stories kogane, you know i can beat you." i immediately shut up at that, knowing what he was referring to. matt was the kind of person that always needed second reassurances. he never felt like he was good enough so allura and i learned that reassuring he was amazing would finally get to him. these pancakes were really matt proof though. *"hey guys so today's saturday," matt said, his auburn hair spread out on the floor as he lies. "...and tomorrow's sunday?" i prompted. "do y'all wanna stay over another night? it'll be like MEGA sleepover," he said, making laser gun sound effects and propping himself up on his elbows. i mean i was avidly avoiding shiro and didn't have anything else to do, so i was down. allura and i looked at each other the same time before both nodding and saying yes. during the late afternoon, we were all sitting crosslegged on the rugged carpet and we did eventually make it up to matt's room. if i had to be honest, matt has always had the coolest room of anyone i know, real and fictional. he had one of those queen sized beds with a nasa bedspread and his ceiling had those glow in the dark stars i always begged shiro for. his bed is placed in a corner of his room that's surrounded with a blackboard and it has miscellaneous notes from previous times, and even dumb messages from younger allura and me. he also has multicolored fairy lights decorating the perimeter of his room and tons of polaroid pictures of us and his sister and him. his desk was the perfect example of classy-messy-but-also-sort-of-clean that only matt could pull off, and even after years of knowing him i am still wowed every time i go into his room. "do you guys wanna play one of those dumb card games?" matt asked suddenly. we both nodded again. we ended up playing monopoly but had to stop halfway because allura claimed i was too much of a 'hothead' to play without throwing hotels at peoples faces, and i did accidentally throw a couple of hotels at matt's face so i didn't argue with her. later in the night we were all still sitting on matt's weirdly comfortable floor, just talking about anything and everything. "so you're telling me that even after you almost burnt your house down making waffles you tried to shove four pieces of toast into a toaster?" allura laughed, covering her face with her hand. "I WAS LITERALLY FOUR YEARS OLD DON'T BULLY ME." matt said groaning and hitting his head against the floor. "you were not a smart four year old," i concluded. "you weren't either," matt reminded. i rolled my eyes at him and got lost into another conversation about how allura was afraid of butterflies until she was thirteen. i added in that shiro taught me how to read doctor seuss's abc book when i was five and that ended up in a playful argument about whether or not i got my educational peak at five. allura was listening and laughing along, agreeing and disagreeing with our points. *a few minutes ago matt and i shared a knowing look with each other and i knew he was thinking exactly what i was thinking. he excused himself to go find something for us to snack on while allura and i were left alone in his room. "so allura," i started, my heart leaping nervously in my chest. "hm?" she sounded, picking her head up from the floor to look at me sitting on matt's cool rocket ship bed. i don't know why i was so scared. i knew allura, allura supported my brother and his fiancé and she loves ellen, so what could i possibly be afraid of? maybe it's because like matt said, i was horrified of change. i had been seen as the same my whole life and suddenly i'm boxing myself in with another label and i'm terrified. "i just needed to tell you that you were right. i do like ... boys. i'm gay." i said, feeling suddenly interested at looking at my socked feet. "oh 'kira," she said, standing up to give me a loving hug. "if i pressured you to come out in any way because of what i said i'm so-" "allura, no i came to the realization on my own, please. it's okay," i said, hugging her back. after a few minutes of hugging her she pulled away with a playful smirk on her face. "so what's up with that mcclain kid?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. "n-no we're just good friends, nothing else. so i guess i do like him, just in a friend way." i shrugged, trying to hide that obvious lie from her. which she totally caught. "you're such a terrib-" "HEY GUYS I FOUND OREOS EAT UP!" matt said, bursting into the room. he was probably waiting for the right time to barge in. sometimes matthew holt is genuinely a genius. he bounced in the room, obviously ecstatic that i had talked to allura and also that he found his favorite cookies. we both gave him warm smiles before sitting back on the floor and stuffing our faces with cookies like we were six again. *the next morning, i got a text from shiro telling me to come home early, so i hesitantly obliged. i packed up my bag after another hearty breakfast of waffled pancakes and burnt bacon and started to make my way home. luckily matt only lived a block away. when i walked through the door shiro was waiting for me on the couch. "hey keith," he said casually. "sup?" i said, but came out as more of a question. "sit down, keith" he sighed and gestured next to him. i sat down next to him and i knew what he was going to ask. "so how about we finish our conversation from the other day?" he asked, his voice sweet like honey. i nodded. "yeah so here i'll prompt you again, i could feel something happened on friday but you're refusing to tell me so what's up?" "honestly i was going to tell you, i just wanted to.. postpone it. also wouldn't adam want to be here too?" i asked, not seeing him anywhere. he came our from the hallway. "yeah i'm here i didn't know if you wanted me here or not," he said, pushing up his glasses. adam's usual neat light brown hair was messy and fluffy from sleep and he looked really happy to be here. "yeah i knew you guys, being the dad squad would want to know at the same time and not through text so thats kind of why i skipped out on you shiro." i explained, slumping into my seat. "okay, now we're both here.. now spill!" shiro said, blowing his cover of bad-cop esque. "okay so i was rehearsing with lance after our main rehearsal on friday, and i might of.. kissed him." i said, hiding my face in my hands. they both cheered really loudly. "adam you owe me ten bucks i told you he would fess up and talk to him! you didn't get to see how gone he was before!" shiro exclaimed, holding out his hand to adam, who slapped it away. "later." adam shrugged. "i'm so proud of you keith!" shiro said, wiping a fake tear from his eye. "my little bwother is wall gwown up owo!" shiro teased, messing up my hair. "shiro i will literally never tell you anything ever again if you say owo out loud again." he crossed his arms over his chest. "fine, okay. i'm still proud of you though." "thanks adam, shiro." i said before turning to run up to my room. the rest of the day i spent absorbed in my book. i realized it was dark outside when i was on the twentieth chapter of prisoner of azkaban. i hadn't realized how late it was and how into my book i was before i stared at my clock that said it was 10pm. i finally set down my book, and sat down at my desk to get my chemistry homework done.the next morning shiro woke me up and i realized that i had fallen asleep doing my homework at my desk. i stretched out my back before standing up, realizing i was late. "keith wake up! it's monday and calculus is waiting outside for you!" he said, slapping me on the arm in an attempt to wake me up. my eyes widened when i looked at my alarm clock, which i forgot to set, and i quickly got dressed, not bothering to change my earrings and brush my hair. i ran down the stair, almost tripping, and successfully made it out the door and into matt's car. when i was settled in, i noticed that he hadn't picked up allura yet. "you're welcome by the way," matt said, smiling cheekily but still keeping his eyes on the road. "for what?" i asked, rubbing my sleepy eyes. "for bringing in the cookies when allura was going to ask about you making out with your booooooyfriiiieeeennnd," matt said in a singsong voice. "first of all, he's not my boyfriend.. i think... and i just came out to her that's all," i said, crossing my arms over my chest and huffing. "but thanks, i guess." i said reluctantly. "aww keith you're always so sincere." matt joked as we turned onto allura's road.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
since we had rehearsal every school day, it wasn't a surprise that i found myself in the theatre for our 2:00 practice. i hadn't seen lance since friday, and i was excited to see him again and as clingy as it sounds i missed him a lot. when i got in the building, i saw him immediately walk into the hallway that has all of our soda and snack machines and i dropped my bag quickly and followed him in. it seems he had the same idea i did because as soon as we made eye contact he was smiling at me softly. "hey," i said, not even worrying about how lovesick i sounded. "hey!" he returned, his galaxy eyes gleaming. after that he leaned in to kiss me quickly, too worried about anyone walking in, but me being an idiot i am let it linger. his lips were entrancing, and i couldn't help myself. when we parted i pecked him again, and i leaned my forehead on his. "leandro," i said softly, gazing into his magical eyes. "akira," he smiled. "will you be my boyfriend?" i asked, worried he would decline. his smile grew even wider and he nodded slightly. "of course i will," he said, leaning back in to capture my lips with his. he pulled apart quickly after that. "what about allura? won't she be mad if she walks in on us?" he asked. "i'll tell her eventually." i leaned in to kiss him again before i heard coran clap his hands to start the rehearsal. lance took my hands in his. "i'll see you later 'kira," he said, squeezing my hands before pecking my cheek before going down the hallway to join the other tech crew members. i joined allura and matt in the front row seats, both of them looking at me with matching confused expressions. "don't worry about it," i said quickly before fake paying attention to coran. "okay guys, so today we're going to work on requiem and for forever, so can i please have the murphy family minus connor on stage?" coran said enthusiastically while gesturing for the actors to get their butts up on stage. this was the first time i was seeing allura rehearse this song and i was intrigued to hear her sing it. it was such a vocally challenging song and i knew that allura had the skill for it and i was beyond ready to hear her nail this song. while she was singing i could see all the swelling anger and defeat and regret that was evident in her movement and on her face and it was hard to not get absorbed into her performance. now i had to go up onstage with the rest of the murphys and perform for forever, a personal favorite of mine. i didn't understand why coran made allura sing her number before mine, but i shrugged it off because i'll turn down an opportunity to watch allura sing. as i stood up from my seat, the family on stage sat down on a prop couch. i smiled to matt, romelle and allura that were sitting down before i begun my number and matt shot me a quick thumbs up. as the music recording began to play, i tried to focus myself and get into character. i could feel the light from the spotlight on my skin, and the anxiety built up in my chest. this was the adrenaline rush i admired so much about theatre. there really was nothing like performing on stage, even if it's just in front of your castmates. "end of may or early june, this picture perfect afternoon we share." i began, looking shyly at the family sitting on the couch. "drive the winding country road, grab a scoop at a la mode and then we're there." i sang, closing my eyes so i could fully feel the song. while singing these lyrics and analyzing them in my head, i came to the realization that not all of this song was a lie. sure, evan hadn't actually been connor's friend, but he wanted to be. this song was a wistful retelling of what he wanted to happen on that day he broke his arm. he wished this is what happened and that strode me to make my performance better. "and i suddenly feel the branch give away. i'm on the ground, my arm goes numb. i look around, and i see him, coming to get me. he's coming to get me." i sang wistfully, trying to hold back the faux tear that were swelling in my eyes. "and everything's okay." the character evan hansen at this very moment was feeling very lonely with the retelling on how he broke his arm, and when he fell there was nobody to catch him. i personally related to this character because before allura and matt i was completely alone. *after my song ended, i took a breath and wiped the tears that had escaped from my eyes before looking up at the spotlight smiling. i saw all the castmates and even lance standing up and applauding me, and i turned around to see allura and matt smiling like idiots. after i had gotten down from the stage coran gave me a few notes on how to improve my number and the rehearsal was over. as the auditorium emptied, i scanned the crowd for lance and found matt instead grabbing his backpack and throwing me a cheeky wink before he and allura left. i stood by the frame of the door waiting for lance. i spotted his sparking blue eyes and endearingly messy curly brown hair and immediately felt myself smiling. lance and i had sat here, on the lighting catwalk a thousand times before, but this time was different. lance was my boyfriend, and if i wanted to lean over and kiss him, nothing was stopping me. and i really wanted to, so i did. i kissed him passionately and he kissed back softly, bringing our bodies closer together. i slid my hands through his soft hair and smiled against his lips. both of us couldn't contain our smiles and he leaned his forehead against mine. "hey boyfriend," lance said softly. "hi boyfriend," i returned, my cheeks going red. he cupped his hand around my jaw and kissed my cheek. "you're so cute, i can't believe you're mine." he said, kissing my cheek softly again. "sir, i think you have that the wrong way around. you're so pretty and cool i just don't know how you're mine." i emphasized. every time i kissed him i felt my chest erupt in fireworks. i hadn't ever felt like this before, and i was scared, but it didn't bother me too much knowing he was mine. *after another hour of shenanigans that included kissing lance, cuddling, and making him blush, i realized that we both had to get home. lance went down the ladder first, and i reluctantly climbed down next. after i was halfway down lance tugged on my hand and i fell off the ladder. i closed my eyes as i fell and i felt lance catch me in his surprisingly strong arms. i opened my eyes to see him smiling down on me and my mind flashed back to the first time this happened on the first official day we met. "hey looks like you really did fall for me," lance said, like the last time. "you have no idea," i said again, but louder so he could hear me. "so that's what you said the last time!" lance said, still holding me bridal style. "you're so cute what the fuck?" he said before leaning down to peck me on the lips carefully. i leaned my forehead against his when the kiss broke and he then let me down carefully and held my hand. we both now absolutely dreaded walking down the hallway with all the production bricks, because it symbolized how we both had to leave. i looked down to our intertwined hands and i squeezed his hand before looking up at him. he grabbed my other hand, his eyes gleaming. he leaned in to kiss me one last time before we got interrupted. "OH MY GOD KEITHHHHH!" i heard matt screech. we quickly broke apart and i gave matt a death glare. i rolled my eyes at him before turning back to lance. "sorry about him, i swear i'll tell him off later." i whispered to lance. "he's like your mother," lance laughed warmly. i kissed him one last time before booping his nose with mine and beckoning matt over, grabbing my bag and looking back at lance. "bye leo," i said, turning around with the most lovesick smile. "bye 'kira," he returned before walking out the opposite door. "sorry keith, i just came in here to see if you were still here because you weren't answering your phone and-" matt stammered, his face as red as the stripes on his shirt. "shut up geometry, it's fine." i said before playfully shoving him towards the main door. "come on mom," i said, matt still standing completely still in shock." "i can't believe i got to witness you being disgustingly affectionate with your boyfriend before allura, he's gonna murder both of us!" matt said, waving his arms around dramatically. in matt's car, he just begun to scream. loudly. it wasn't even words or anything specific, it was just a noise to let me know exactly what his emotions were at that moment. "oh my god keith i've never seen you so INFATUATED before, it was so weird seeing you have so much emotion." matt stammered, still hitting his hands against his steering wheel. "you like him so much i'm genuinely going to cry." matt said, dramatically wiping his eyes, ridding himself from any strand tears. "you guys are the cutestttt, he better treat you well or he'll catch these hands." matt said seriously, softly placing his hands back on the offended steering wheel. he finally put the car in drive after ten minutes of constant screaming. "yeah, we are, aren't we?" i said, putting my hand on me cheek. "YOU'RE SO RED WHATTHEFUFNJGBJFEDJKOWABFJEJN."***the rest of the week zoomed by and now that it was saturday, we still had rehearsal. it felt like friday night couldn't go away any slower though. from akira ♡: does it feel like this friday couldn't be any longer to you too or am i just insanefrom leo <3: THANK GOD IT ISN'T JUST ME from leo <3: i feel like this evening alone has been three centuries. from akira ♡: re fucking tweeti'm pretty sure it's a scientific fact that that the day seems to go 10,000% slower when you're anticipating the next day. obviously the world and general rules of the universe were homophobic because i just really wanted to be with lance right now. from leo <3: literally all i want is to be with you rn :^(from akira ♡: you're so cute wtffrom akira ♡: hi yes 911, i think it's illegal to be this god damn ADORABLE.from leo <3: i'll see u in court then sweaty ;;;^)from akira ♡: FUCKFGBJKGFJBKDFJKBDSJ***saturday rehearsals were always ten times more fun. coran didn;t go as hard on us, but we did have to start running through the whole show, which was rough, especially for me. words fail is exhausting to perform but the upside is that i get to see lance with his unfairly adorable bedhead and lion slippers. that morning i was extremely excited to get to rehearsal that i forgot to change my pajamas, though luckily it was a pajama party day. when shiro was driving me i was a bit upset that i forgot my cool mothman onesie. "maybe it's for the best," shiro signed, keeping his eyes on the road. "i told you before lance won't break up with me just because i wore a mothman onesie, if anything he'd like me more." i huffed, crossing my arms over my chest. i got there at a normal person time, not too late, not too early and i greeted lance with a hug as his sister eyed us carefully. "veronica's onto us," lance explained, shrugging his shoulders. lance and i sat down in the front row, lance sitting where matt would usually sit. when matt arrived, he smiled before winking and sat next to lance on the other side. when allura sat down, she also eyed lance and i weird but when she was paying attention to coran i sneakily held lance's hand. "i like your pajamas," lance complimented. i looked down at my blue and gold mothman shirt, maroon pajama pants and hippo socks and laughed. "yours are infinitely better," i said, nudging him with my free arm. lance was wearing a totoro onesie and his iconic blue lion slippers and he looked amazing, even in stupid pajamas. coran clapped his hands together like usual and gained our attention. he took one quick around the theatre and saw lance and i holding hands and smiled at us before saying "hi y'all, so you guys have working your quiznacking butts off on this production and you guys are far beyond deserving of a break, so i figured everyone who wants to participate, tech crew included, can come up on stage and sing any song they want! nadia over there will play the piano for you so don't worry about picking a karaoke song!" he said happily, his smile beaming. "alright, so wants to go first?" coran asked, looking around the theatre. "how about our lead? keith?" i squeezed lance's hand before nodding. i got up from my seat and immediately everyone started applauding. when i got up on stage, i got handed a microphone and i walked over to the piano and whispered my song choice in nadia's ear. she smiled and nodded before getting the sheet music ready on her phone. when i got to the front and center of the stage, i held the microphone nervously. "okay so before i begin i just wanted to say that i haven't ever had a microphone before so i was curious what my voice would sound like, okay thanks. have fun with this angsty ass song y'all" i said while everyone was laughing with me. "all is forgiven baby, come on, get dressed you're my date to the pep rally toniiight!" i scream sang, making sure to hold the microphone a decent distance away. "you chucked me out like i was trash and for that you should be deadbutbutbutthen it hit me like a FLASH, what if high school went away instead, and those ASSHOLES are the key, they're keeping you away from me, they made you blind, messed up your mind but I CAN set you free!" i sang as everybody was singing along with me and applauding and laughing."I WAS MEANT TO BE YOURS, YOU WERE MEANT TO BE MINE, I CAN'T TAKE IT ALONE, FINISH WHAT WE BEGUNN. YOU WERE MEANTTOBEMINE, I AM ALL THAT YOU NEED, YOU CARVED OPEN MY HEART, CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME TO BLEED!" i screamed, while the audience was singing in the background. "VERONICA!" we all screamed at once. i looked over to coran who looked really intrigued but also confused. when my song was over i was rewarded with a standing ovation. lance was clapping especially loud and matt and allura were wooping and whistling like idiots. "thanks y'all," i said before handing the microphone back to coran. "thank you keith, that was... interesting. now who wants to go next? keith do you want to choose?" i looked over to lance, who was shrinking in his seat. "lance! why don't you go up?" i asked, my eyes gleaming with playfulness. he smiled weakly before passing me on the stairs, "i really hate you," he half whispered half laughed. he went over to nadia before standing center stage just as i was a few seconds ago. as the piano began everybody awwed, including me, matt, and allura. "i love play rehearsal, because it's the BEST! because it is fun," he began with the cutest smile on his face. "like if i'm living up to what i'm meant to be, i also have a touch of ADD," he paused and looked over to nadia. "where was i?" he questioned, his eyes glistening like stars under the shitty automatic theatre lights. nadia smiled at him before playing a little 'i love play rehearsal' riff on the piano. "OH RIGHT!" he exclaimed. "anywho the point that i'm getting to is sometimes life can't work out in the way, it works out in the play, like the only time i get to be the center of attention," he sang flawlessly, giving a little shoulder shimmy while matt and i screamed. "only when i'm in a show am i the center of attention, and can i mention,""those were two of my greatest roles, did you see those? oh, also another great role was when i played rum tum tugger in my middle school production of cats," he said, switching the microphone to his other hand before putting a claw forward. "meow," he smiled under all the shine on stage. after his song was over i couldn't help but stand up and cheer for him. his smile was the brightest when he was on stage and i wondered why he didn't audition for any roles. "my boyfriend is so talented," i whispered in his ear before he said ditto and looked back up on the stage. "who would of thought the head of tech crew would have such a performance in him! everyone give a round of applause to lance mcclain!" coran said, clapping with the microphone in his hand. "alrighttt, who's next?"***nadia took the microphone from matt who sang "take on me" by aha, "i swear to GOD if i have to play take on me one more god damn time i'm quitting," she said, looking at the holt siblings. they both shrugged and laughed before matt passed the microphone to a girl named kim who ended up singing welcome to the black parade.within the first g note, i was crying. lance was laughing at me. *the final performance was done by a boy name ky, who sang 'loser, geek, whatever' from be more chill and as he passed by me after his performance i grabbed his sleeve, successfully stopping him. "how the hell are you not the lead?" i asked, laughing and looking at him in the eyes. he looked nervous talking to me. "well for one thing you're keith kogane, literally the most talented person in existence," he said, smiling at me, visibly looking less nervous. "i like this kid," lance added from behind me. "you're incredible though! aren't you a crew member? you should totally audition for the next musical we have!" i encouraged, patting him on the arm. "t-thank you epic gamer," he joked . i could hear matt cackling behind me and i think we just found a new friend. after the boy ky returned to his seat lance turned to me. "you just made that freshman's MONTH," lance said, taking my hand and intertwining our fingers. "well he seems cool, so i'm glad." i stated, looking forward for coran's next game idea. the next game coran has us play is probably one of my favorites, it's a card game called mafia. everyone sits in a circle and gets a card, if they get an ace they are the mafia, a king they are the doctor, and a queen the police. the main aspect of the game is for the mafia to kill all the other 'villagers'. ky sat next to me in the circle, and lance was on my other side. i looked over to allura and matt who were deep in conversation and didn't feel too bad about adding this other boy in. he introduced me to his best friend kim who i've come to know is basically me as a girl. so overall, rehearsal was good today. like usual lance and i head up to our spot after rehearsal and we both swung our legs under the metal pole. when we were both settled i looked over to him and pecked him on the cheek. "you're really talented, you know that?" i remarked. he turned his head towards me in confusion. "you think so? i thought my song was mediocre." "leandro," i said, my voice full of love, taking both of his hands. "you're amazing in every possible way. don't let any negative thoughts get in the way of that." i said softly, brushing back his hair and kissing his forehead. "you're amazing too you know," he replied, squishing my cheeks with his hands. i puckered my lips a bit and he laughed before obliging and leaning in and kissing me fully. "should try out with me next time," i commented casually. "i don't know 'kira, i don't know if i would be good. sure, i can carry a tune, but i don't think i'm performance material." "well i think you shine brighter than these stage lights." "you know i do a little bit of everything on the technical side so i take offense to that!" lance joked. poking me in the side. "leo, i know you love performing, you really should consider auditioning for a role, it would be worth the experience even if you don't get a role, though i doubt you won't." "maybe i'll try out then," he said, his voice hushed. *"so you had safety patrols for the fifth graders at your school," lance started. "and you were one of those cute kids that would nicely open and close the door for the kids and parents, and you used to slam the door and say 'have a nice day, or don't if you want'?" lance snickered. "i told you, i only did it for the end of the year party, which i didn't even end up going to because i got sick the day before! i literally begged shiro to let me go and he refused to let me leave my bed." i recalled, still kind of mad at shiro for not letting me go. "i did safety patrols at my school too but i always got pushed into the dumpster," lance says bitterly. "i'll fight them." i sighed. "babe, you literally can't that was five years ago." lance laughed. "thanks for the devotion though." i nodded in reply. "anything for you." ***another couple of weeks have passed with no remorse and i hadn't seen allura outside of school and rehearsal for a while. lance and i still hang out on a regular basis, though not regularly because i'm constantly cramming for my lines. i hadn't seen much of matt either, he has been hanging out with ky and kim a lot more. ky and kim were really cool; they were basically turning into mini me and matts though and i don't think that's a good thing. kim is scarily similar to me in the way that she's stupidly impulsive and competitive and will fight somebody at the drop of a hat, but she's kinder than i am. she's about 4'11 and has messy dark brown hair with bangs messily spurred across her forehead and hazel eyes. she's a little gremlin and she's become a little sister to me. ky is scarily similar to matt. their hair color is one of the only differences. ky is a lanky kid with light brown hair and brown eyes and wears a blue sweater almost every day. he and matt go around t-posing in front of people until they either dab back or leave and they both say 'epic' in every sentence. i love them both. opening week for our show is in less than a week and everybody is starting to freak out. i rarely get to see the tech kids anymore because they have been officially separated from the main cast in order to get all the music and special effects all set. poor lance had to stay after for several hours making lighting and sound cue sheets for the light and sound crew the other day, and i have been running my lines constantly. matt says that its becoming borderline obsessive and i brush him off. i have a need to make my performance the best it could possibly be, and it might be because of the fact that i know lance will be watching the whole show through the light booth. yesterday a ton of cast members and shiro stayed late to finish building and painting the set, and it looks almost professionally done. it's nothing like the broadway stage, but it's amazing for a couple of broke high school students and disaster gay shiro. "hey keithy boy!" matt said, skipping down the steps of the stage. i watched as he stumbled slightly and caught himself and he galloped over to me and slid down the wall to sit next to me. "we're going to get ice cream after rehearsal," he told me, his expression completely serious. "why?" "because you've been starring at your script for the past hour and a half and i don't think you've turned the page yet. you need a break." he pointed out. i groaned, putting my head on his shoulder. "you're pushing yourself off the deep end, 'kira." matt smartly commented. "wow am i that obvious?" i asked, looking at him. "lance has been looking over here worried for the past hour so i'd say so buddy." i sighed, brushing my hair out of my eyes and behind my ear. after rehearsal, lance told me that he needed to stay late to help and i wished him good luck by kissing his cheek. matt smirked at me before beckoning allura over and we made our way towards matt's semi-destroyed car. "we love distracting keith with ice cream!" allura said happily, highfiving matt in the process. they were right though, i hadn't really noticed anything that has been going on as of late. i hadn't noticed just how cold it has gotten outside until now and i looked around to see all the other kids in heavy sweatshirts. allura and matt were both sufficiently bundled up as well, matt was wearing his signature jean jacket as well as two other laters and allura was wearing her 'it's really cold outside but i'm still fashionable' winter coat she only ever pulled out when the weather was bad. i shivered at the realization that i was only wearing a light red pullover and allura rolled her eyes. i hadn't realized the change in weather, the how you could see your breath when you breathed deep, or the falling leaves from the colorful trees. matt took off his jean jacket and took off one of his hoodies and passed it to me. the hoodie was warm, so i was thankful for him being there and not an idiot for once. the car ride over to the ice cream shop was just like old times. allura sat in the front, since she was taller than me, and played her show tunes playlist with al of us belting all the high notes. i missed this. i missed the normal feeling of friends being idiotic and making our throats hurt by attempting to hit the high notes in dead girl walking from heathers, and the distraction of ice cream even though i'm very lactose intolerant. when we got to the shop, i was really happy to see all of us got our usuals. i always got homemade vanilla with gummy bears, matt always got peanut butter and rocky road with extra rainbow sprinkles and kit-kats, and allura always got plain raspberry. and as anticipated, matt said "you're so booooring allura, come on, live a little!" as he gobbled down his concoction. "at least i'm not clogging my arteries with whatever the hell you're eating matthew," allura said, glaring at him. *for once, i took what matt said to heart. i was obviously overworking myself. i knew these lines like the back of my hands, or like the pattern in lance's eyes. i was so afraid of failure that i was driving myself right into its hands. next thing i knew, i was calling lance. i put him on speaker phone while i nervously picked on the skin around my fingers. "hey akira! what's up?" lance said, sounding curious probably because i called him out of nowhere. "i feel bad." i replied, plopping down into bed. "what kind of bad?" he asked cautiously. "you know that meme of kermit the frog where he has fallen down the stairs?" i could almost hear him nodding. "mm yeah, that bad huh? is it the anxiety that's eating you whole?" i shrugged, not realizing he couldn't see me. "no, not really. i think it's just because i don't want to fail." "..." "that's the same thing isn't it?" i asked. "yeah, pretty much.." he laughed melodically. "well shit.." i retorted. i buried my face into my pillow screaming, my voice coming out muffled. "i've basically been studying my lines nonstop, and matt had to force my out to get ice cream yesterday to get me to stop studying. i'm gonna kinda be glad when this is over," i confessed. "i think you don't have to work on being too anxious on stage though babe, evan hansen is a character with social anxiety and it'll be more of a real acting job if you're actually shaken and nervous. but i bet regardless you'll do amazing sweetheart. oh my god i just unintentionally quoted kris jenner, get me away from veronica!" lance exclaimed dramatically. "thanks leandro," i said, smiling gently. "anything for you 'kira."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
the next few days were what us theatre kids called "hell week." basically, this was the week before the show started that we ran the show over and over. my voice was practically dead once the week was over, but lance always brought a thermos with green tea for me.
i felt horrible for never talking to allura as of late, and hiding my secret from her was hurting both of us. i really wanted to tell her but i was going to wait until the show was over so she would be pissed at me later. allura was understanding, hopefully she won't be incredibly mad at me, but also knowing her she'd be pissed that matt knew all the details before her. *opening night creeped up on all of us. an hour before the show started, i started getting more shaken and luckily allura and matt noticed. they spent the next twenty minutes hugging me and reassuring that i knew these lines and that they had to be tattooed in my brain by now, and i nodded agreeing. i knew that my performance would either make or break this show and i was incredibly nervous that i would drag down all the hard work everyone else had been doing with my lousy acting skills. we now had fifteen minutes before the curtain opened, and i was in my cast and iconic blue and white striped polo. everyone was frantically running around backstage, and matt was standing with me in the backroom. matt's usual wardrobe of anime merch and jean jackets was replaced with a gray button down and a navy tie. his hair was messily collected into a ponytail at the back of his head and it was straightened from its usual wavy mess. matt had to wear basic stage makeup for his role, but he refused to wear contacts. the eyeliner did bring out the amber hue in his eyes, but he refused to believe me. "keith, i wear you'll be fine," he said reassuringly, patting me on the back. "thanks calculus," i murmured before turning around frantically. there was only ten minute until the curtain opened and my legs were shaking. i felt a poke on my back and waved matt off again. "matt i'm fine you can go with the other." "i'm sure matt is already with the others," i heard a familiar voice say. i turned around happily and flung my arms around lance. "you're going to do so amazing 'kira!" lance said before hugging me again. my thank you was muffled by the fabric of his shirt that i nuzzled my face into. "i'm glad matt was finally being a good mom and talked to you before your performance though," lance laughed, patting me on the back. "i just wanted to talk to you before you went out there," lance begun, looking around backstage. "babe, i know i already said this, but you're going to kill it. if you get scared and don't know where to look just look at the main light booth because that's where i'll be watching your pretty face sing to its hearts content." i smiled at him before cupping his cheek with my pale hand. i leaned forward and before our lips touched i whispered "you're too much sometimes," before kissing him softly. he tasted like watermelon jolly ranchers and smelled like my favorite flavor of ice cream and i loved every second of it. before i could pull him any closer i heard a voice that pulled us apart. "hey keith it's five mi-" i heard allura start to say as she walked in and noticed what was happening. i looked her in the eyes and waved nervously. it was really hard to make allura mad, but in this moment she was beyond pissed off. "we'll talk about this later." she said sternly before turning around angrily. i looked back to lance who looked terrified. "you haven't told her yet?" i shook my head. "no, i guess it just slipped my mind.." i sighed angrily. "i'm sorry to leave you like this but i really have to go." he leaned in quickly and pecked me on the lips again before saying "break and arm." "alright everyone! one minute until curtain opens, make sure you're all in place." coran called. ***the lights were blinding on stage, but it was comforting to know that lance was watching me from the booth. i sat on my prop bed and picked up my laptop and sat there until i saw the red velvety curtains open.
when it finally opened, i saw the audience sitting there and heard the music starting. i took a deep breath."dear evan hansen, today is going to be an amazing day and here's why. because today, all you have to be is be yourself." i heard a beat in the music and i began to nervously fidget and type on my laptop. "but also confident. that's important. and interesting; easy to talk to, approachable. but mostly be yourself. that's the big, that's number one, be yourself. be true to yourself." i said, my hands shaking. i heard the audience laugh. "also, though, don't worry about whether your hands are going to get sweaty for no reason." i said, taking a minute to dramatically wipe my hands on my jeans, the audience laughed harder in response. *when allura came on stage and looked at me, nobody could tell she currently wanted to punch me in the face. it felt like she almost wasn't pissed at me. "hey i'm sorry about my brother. i saw him push you, he's such a psychopath. evan, right?" she said, smiling. "evan?" i said. "that's your name..?" "oh. yes. evan. it's evan. sorry." i said hesitantly, wiping my hands on my jeans again, gaining another laugh from the audience.
-"me? no way josé." i said, gaining a snicker from the crowd. "um. ok...josé," allura said akwardly, shooting me finger guns. "we start with star in our eyes, we start believing that we belong. but every sun doesn't rise, and no one tells you where you went wrong." *"dear evan hansen, it turns out this wasn't such an amazing day after all. this isn't going to be an amazing week or an amazing year.... because why would it be?"
in this moment, i wasn't shaking as much but i was till clearly nervous. i was trying to not make direct eye contact with the audience and i instead imagined lance smiling at me.- out of the whole musical, this is one of the parts that emotionally kills me the most. james's line's are so emotional that it hurts to hear. "no one's signed your cast" james said, pointing to my arm. "no i know," i said, ducking my head down. "i'll sign it." "oh, uh, you don't have to." i said awkwardly. "do you have a sharpie?" he asked. james signed it messily, making sure to take up the whole front of the cast writing "connor" really spaced out. "oh great, thanks." i said sarcastically. we paused for the audience to laugh. "now we can both pretend that we have friends." he said, nodding his head. "good point." i said back, my voice dead. *"i want to be done with it," i said, gripping my head while i sat on my bed. "if you really believe that, then why are you standing here talking to yourself again?" james asked, looking at me with his arms crossed. silence filled the theatre. "you think you're going to turn around all of a sudden and start telling everyone the truth? you can't even tell yourself the truth." i looked up at him, frustration building up in my chest. "what are you talking about?" i asked, knowing where he was going with this but procrastinating it anyway. "How did you break your arm?" james asks, walking towards me. i say nothing in response, just looking at him. "how did you break your arm evan?" he asked again. "i fell." i said shortly. "really? is that what happened?" he asked, getting closer to me. "i was... i lost my grip.. and then i.... fell." i said, each word coming out quieter than the last. "did you fall, or did you let go?" he asked, looking at me seriously. the sting in my heart was real and i felt my eyes go glassy. *when allura walked away from me i took a seat on the bench and look all around me. she turns around one last time before getting into her car and i smile, taking a crumpled piece of paper out of my jean pocket. "dear evan hansen, today is going to be a good day and here's why; because today, today at least you're you, and that's enough." i said while still sitting on a bench near the orchard.
"all we see is sky, for forever," i hear the rest of the cast sing from behind me.
"all i see is sky, for forever," i sang, hearing my voice ring out into the theatre.
a sea of applause cascaded through the building, and the sound echoed off all the walls. the whole cast came on stage and we completed our curtain call before the curtains closed and i felt like i was going to cry. ***i wiped a couple of tears that were pouring down my face as romelle was calling out "we did it!" excitedly. we all gathered into one group hug and i joined in, half smiling, half crying. *after most of the audience had either gone on stage to congratulate their kid or left completely, i was left with allura and matt in the back dressing room. i had already cried all my eyeliner off so i didn't need to take off a lot of makeup, but matt was furiously scrubbing his makeup off. i looked at him shortly and he got the message and claimed he needed to go to the bathroom and left.
i sat down on one of the spinny chairs in front of the mirror and allura sat across from me. "you know what i'm going to say," she reminded, her expression neutral. "i know and i'm sorry allura. i have no reason to not have told you but mostly i think i didn't tell you because i was afraid of change. everything's going to be different now," i said wistfully. "'kira, everything has been different for a few months, you've just been too in love to notice it," she teased, pinching me on the arm. "i'm not pissed at you, i was just confused as to why you hadn't told me but told matt." "if it makes you feel any better matt found out the same way you did," i confessed, hiding my face in my knee. "wow you're really slick then, aren't you?" she teased again, smiling and shaking her head. "i guess not, huh." "you owe me so many details," she said before picking up her bag and leaving as she saw lance enter the room. she turned to me before going through the door and winked. "you survived," lance said, sitting on my lap. i ruffled his hair up before kissing him on the nose. "yeah i did, didn't i?"***closing day came just as fast as opening day had. as soon as we begun the whole thing, it was over and i wasn't ready to let go of my character. "hey," i heard someone call. i turned around to face them and saw lance. "i got a call that your microphone was all fucked up?" he asked sincerely before kissing my cheek affectionately. the microphone was attached to my hair before, but this one had to be looped around my ear and taped onto my cheek and we failed at doing that before, so lance had to fix it. he kept adjusting it and testing to see if it would work and we had no luck. he kept fidgeting with it, blowing into it, messing with the mic pack that i had in my back pocket, and when he finally fixed it he looped the chord behind my ear before taping it onto my face. he cupped my cheek without the microphone on it and he kissed me softly. i felt my cheeks go red, and he pressed a button on something and turned to leave. "okay, i'm gonna go, the show starts in three minutes," he called before waving at me. "break an arm!" "i love you lance!" i said, not realizing that he had turned my microphone on. everyone backstage and in the audience could hear me and i saw him freeze behind me. i looked over to the side of me to see the allura, matt, ky, and kim all laughing at me. "i love you too you idiot," lance said before turning my mic off to kiss me one last time. coran peeked his head out from the hallway leading to the dressing rooms and looked at me with a smile. "how about next time you confess your undying love for each other without your MAIN MIC on next time?" he teased before ruffling my hair and going back to the stage manager.lance came back and pressed my mic off button again and i faced him. his eyes caught the stage light and i could count millions of stars in them and they sparkled like he told me once that mine did when i talked about stuff i am passionate about. "only you would be that stupid to say the first i love you with your main mic on you dumbass." he joked, kissing my forehead sweetly. "well i'm your dumbass!" i said, giving him my dorkiest smile. i saw him walk backstage to join the rest of the technical crew and i turned on my microphone and got onstage, sitting down on my plain light blue bed sheets.
"dear evan hansen," i begun, my breath hitching nervously, bracing for another emotional rollercoaster of a show. though this time i knew all my friends were there cheering me on and will be there by my side to comfort me when my eyes are leaking and i have an annoyingly sniffley nose. i knew the moment would be over in a blue, but i liked the fast pace that made me live in the moment. during the show i looked up, knowing that if i looked at the light booth not only would by eyes burn a bit, but my love for lance would too,not that i minded anyway. end.(thank you.)