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“If this is Doofenshmirtz, compliments to his work,” Mystery said idly as Peter flew the car through the heavy rain towards Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated. Peter asked if Mystery would end up putting aside his need for revenge just because he liked the new weather. “Not really,” Mystery said. “Guess I was just a little homesick.” Peter admitted Seattle really was nice this time of year. Danville got a bit hot for his tastes. “Urgh, I know, right? And after this rain it’s going to be so humid,” Mystery groused. They landed on the balcony and raced inside before they could get too wet, only to slide on what must have been a soaped-up floor and crash into a plexiglass cage themed after a rain cylinder. “Ah, Peter the Panda and Professor Mystery! Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow, I suppose,” Heinz chuckled darkly. Perry pointed out that was the motto of the Post Office, not OWCA. “Huh, really? I knew I liked the mail guys, so determined,” Heinz mused. “Anyway! On this most rainy of days, behold my—oh, oh wait. Forgot to mention, the kids and their friends are over in their part of the lab, you know, the weather. So, the area behind those movable walls there, that’s a kid-zone, no fighting or running into it or stuff. Kids are going to stay inside so they don’t get caught up in anything, okay?” Peter asked if Heinz was sure they’d stay put and safe. “Don’t worry, they’ll send Norm out if they need something,” Heinz said. “And if they need to use the bathroom?” Mystery asked. Perry signed that the topic had already been covered..o.o.o.
Flashback
“So…what if we need to use the bathroom, then?” Baljeet asked. “Norm’s torso is bulletproof and can hold any of you easily,” Heinz said, knocking on Norm’s chest. “Just get in him to ride to the bathroom.” “Do we have to?” Buford asked. “Kid, there’s a strong chance of at least one thing randomly blowing up out there. Humor us and avoid the potential shrapnel,” Heinz said. “I am made of safety!” Norm cheered..o.o.o. “Well, if you say so,” Mystery said. “So, where’s the rain-inator or whatever?” “…Rain-inator? I don’t have a rain-inator,” Heinz said blankly. “No, no, today is the Umbrella-shrink-inator! I hate when you have just one person walking around with some huge umbrella like, like they own the overhead umbrella space. It’s one thing when you’re, like, keeping your kids or your partner or your granny dry, but when it’s just you? Use a proportionate umbrella, you monsters! So, I have invented-” “Wait, the rain’s not you?” Mystery asked. Perry shook his head, asking why they’d make rain. Peter returned with a question of why did Heinz make almost anything he made? “Have, have you not been listening to all the backstories and in-depth justifications or something? I’m, I’m pretty open about that stuff,” Heinz said. “Huh. Okay so…you are just going to shrink umbrellas?” Mystery asked. “Yes, and you will never stop me!” Heinz cackled. “That’s it? You’re sure?” Mystery checked, positioning himself to hide that Peter was cutting the glass. “I just said so,” Heinz said. “Totally sure that’s it?” “I’m going to ignore you now,” Heinz said, turning to his inator. “Oooh, there’s someone. That thing’s a monster. It’s taking up the whole sidewalk! Hey, hey Perry, come look at-” Peter tackled Heinz, only to get quickly pulled off by Perry to where a fistfight ensued. Meanwhile, Mystery grabbed a desk chair and used a running start to ride it into Heinz at ramming speed. “Two can play at that game!” Heinz yelled as he pulled himself up, kicking a wheeled stool into Peter’s legs. Peter dropped but managed to snag Perry’s collar on the way down and topple Perry as well. Perry recovered first, quickly rolling backwards to give himself some room to work with. He smirked when Mystery rolled too close and grabbed the scientist’s trench coat before flinging him, rolling chair and all, towards Peter. Peter kicked Mystery away on instinct, sending the loudly screaming scientist crashing into one of the temporary walls, knocking it over with a bang as it landed on something. “Shoot! Are you all okay?” Heinz called as Perry and Peter raced over to see if the kids needed help. “Everyone is fine! I protected them with my me!” Norm announced, pushing the fallen wall aside cheerily, a dazed Mystery sliding off of it. “What is that?” Mystery asked, pointing to the giant ray gun with a large beach umbrella strapped to it that appeared to be the kids’ work of the day. “It’s a rainbow-inator! Makes rainbows even when the sun’s not out! Isabella gave me the idea, since she’s never seen a rainbow,” Phineas said excitedly. “Unicorn,” Isabella said. “Huh?” Phineas asked. “I was pointing to the unicorn in the picture,” Isabella said, rubbing the back of her neck. “I’ve seen rainbows.” “…I’d make you a unicorn, but I’m not sure this is a good environment to try,” Phineas said, looking around the lab. “Yeah, that seems like something we should make outside,” Isabella agreed. “When it’s nice out.” “Darn. Well, we can still have fun shooting rainbows places!” Phineas said. “Once Uncle Perry and Dr. D are done, we can wheel this baby to the balcony! Maybe it’ll brighten some peoples’ day!” “Can we just let his good balance out Dofenshmirtz’s evil and call it a day? I’m not sure I want to spend energy saving obnoxiously large umbrellas,” Mystery said as he crossed his arms, before turning to see Peter already taking wire cutters to the Umbrella-shrink-inator. “Oh, okay, you’re done.” “People were having a conversation, you lout!” Heinz complained as Perry snatched Peter’s wire cutters and threatened to cut Peter’s sunglasses in half with them. Peter asked why they hadn’t just used the normal Shrinkinator. “Well, that’s out on the balcony. It’s all…wet, out there,” Heinz said, shrugging. “Phineas, Ferb, nice touch with putting a big umbrella on yours, by the way. Genius.” Ferb rubbed the back of his head, grinning, while Phineas beamed at the praise. “So…you’re not the rain. OWCA was wrong on that,” Mystery mused. “Well, I did make a giant rain-inator once last summer, but that was to rain out a soccer match. I didn’t use it because I remembered, well, I’m dating a British guy,” Heinz said, gesturing at Perry, “and he’d totally make me sleep on the couch for crimes against soccer.” Perry signed that it was called football. Heinz ignored him. Going by Phineas and Ferb’s muffled snickers, this was a common argument. “He didn’t live with you last summer. How would he get you on the couch?” Mystery asked. Perry signed he could always push Heinz’s bed out a window. Peter told Perry that Brits were weird about their football. Perry shrugged. “Well, you defeated my device, so, curse you! Now get out. I mean, you still need to figure out the rain, right?” Heinz said. Peter nodded. He asked Perry if Perry had any ideas. Perry shrugged, signing that he didn’t know any other evil scientists who could get into weather manipulation so easily. Dr. Diminutive was more weapons-based and he didn’t really know any of the others well enough. “Hmm…Rodney might do this, but I don’t know if he could,” Heinz said. “Hey Norm, you have a computer for a brain, any ideas?” “Weather manipulation is a classic villainous plot to aspire to but is difficult to achieve due to the unpredictability of natural atmospheric changes affecting the manipulated weather’s staying power!” Norm said. “You would need to be aware of all surrounding fronts to keep your own artificial front stationary!” “Welp, that’s something to go on. See if anyone’s bought a lot of meteorological equipment, maybe?” Heinz offered. “Or taken over a weather station!” Phineas said. “Don’t forget satellites!” Baljeet said. Peter nodded, jotting their ideas down. He asked if he and Mystery could take the rainbow-inator out to the balcony to use the umbrella to get in the car. “Oh, oh, sure!” Phineas said, Buford taking the kids’ inator by the handles and starting to wheel it towards the balcony. “Guess this is going to be a long day, for once. How’s OWCA on overtime…uh oh,” Mystery said when Peter grimaced. “Good luck, you awful do-gooders,” Heinz said as they got in the car. “All right, let’s fire off some rainbows!” Perry pulled out a camera as the boys started up their latest creation..o.o.o. A few hours later. “Yeesh, it still hasn’t let up,” Heinz said. “Guess we’re driving the kids home in the rain today. Let me check traffic.” Perry nodded as Heinz pulled out his phone. Waiting for better weather just didn’t seem an option.“Crud, there’s been a ton of accidents. Let me call the kids’ folks, see what the plan is,” Heinz said. Perry followed him, and the kids all shared worried looks. “I hope Peter and Mystery figure out what’s up with this weather,” Phineas said, glancing at the storm still raging outside the window. “It is very unusual,” Baljeet said. “I hope my mom keeps Biff company for me,” Buford said. “Hey guys, what’s up?” Vanessa asked as the kids entered the living room. She and Candace had spent the day thus far watching TV and playing video games. “We’re not sure how we’re getting home,” Isabella said. “Oh. Crud,” Candace said, looking out the window. “It’s still going, huh?” “Been watching the TV a bit closely, huh?” Buford asked. “Hey, I had to beat Vanessa in a lot of games today,” Candace bragged. “Yeah, yeah, you’re the bigger nerd, Candy,” Vanessa said, pulling out her phone. “Do, do you not know what a nerd is? This is a nerd,” Buford said, lifting Baljeet by the collar and presenting him to Vanessa. “Candace is a big sister. Totally different.” Perry came to the living room and signed that Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet were staying the night. “The storm’s that bad?” Vanessa asked. “More the drivers in the storm are that bad,” Heinz said, coming up from behind Perry. “It’s only going to get darker tonight, so we’re going to hope for clearer roads and better weather in the morning.” “Oh no,” Isabella said. “It’s okay, the couch in our room is wide enough to sleep on,” Vanessa said, patting Isabella on the shoulder. “Yeah, and Ferb and I can share a bed so Buford and Baljeet can have the other one,” Phineas said. “Well, if we’re having a sleepover, we need movies and popcorn,” Candace said, grinning. Perry laughed, signing that he felt that could be arranged..o.o.o. Perry got out of bed early the next morning to see if he could manage a breakfast with tree extra kids involved. Phineas and Ferb had, for whatever reason, used a lot of the cereal in the construction of the Rainbow-inator so Perry was leaning towards some eggs-toast-sausage combo as the best course of action. He turned when he heard someone yawn, and grinned when he saw Heinz. He asked if Heinz thought his breakfast plan would work. “Yeah, let’s just do a bunch of easy stuff and let them grab what they want,” Heinz agreed, looping an arm around Perry for a quick hug. “What’s the weather like?” A rumble of thunder answered him before Perry could. They both sighed. “I am this close to making a rain-away-inator,” Heinz muttered darkly. “Seriously, how have we not had flooding yet?” Perry agreed they had to be close and looked up flood watches on his phone. “I think OWCA’s at least right about this not being normal. This is way too much rain for the area,” Heinz mused. “At least the kids are all safe and indoors.” Perry signed that roads were already being blocked off in anticipation of flooding. “Great. Looks like we’re hanging onto three extra kids for a bit. I’ll let their folks know,” Heinz sighed, grabbing the house phone. Perry nodded, and got to making the sausages while Heinz made the calls. They at least had a decent meat selection, sausage and bratwurst being two food items Drusselstien actually managed to get right cuisine-wise. Not that Perry could complain, as Heinz often reminded him, because he was a man who willingly ate haggis. The smell of cooking food eventually lured in the kids, and Phineas and Ferb fetched extra chairs to put around the table for their friends. “Who’s Dr. D calling this early?” Isabella asked. Perry told her that some of the roads were closed from flooding, so he was calling their parents. “Oh no!” Baljeet said. “Um, not that your hospitality is not wanted, of course.” Perry nodded, and let Baljeet know it was fine if he felt a bit homesick or missed his parents. “I guess we should break out the board games?” Candace said. “Or you kids could rampage in the lab some more.” “We didn’t really rampage yesterday. Maybe today, though,” Buford said wistfully. “I think I’d rather stay in the apartment, it’s warmer,” Baljeet admitted. “We can run some blankets through the drier, make them cozy,” Vanessa suggested. “Oh, that sounds great!” Baljeet said. Heinz got his own plate and joined the table, “Well, you’re staying until things let up enough to drive safely, so good on you for making some plans for the day.” “Too bad we can’t get to making a unicorn yet,” Phineas sighed. “Sorry, kiddo. Looks like it’s another day in,” Heinz said. “Perry and I are off if you want us for anything.” “Thanks, Dr. D,” Phineas said. “You can still do research into making the unicorn, at least,” Heinz added. “That way when you do, you can spend more time doing fun stuff with it and less like checking your math or whatever.” Phineas nodded, some resolve returned. “So what board games do you have?” Isabella asked. “Oh, tons,” Phineas said. “Life, Monopoly, Skiddley-Whiffers, Ducky Momo Clue, Space Adventure Clue, Stumbleberry Finkbat Chess set, all kinds of things. And cards, dominos, the usual other stuff.” “And video games, too,” Candace reminded him. “Yeah, Candace needs someone new to destroy,” Vanessa said. “I’m gamed out.” “You really need to learn to combo,” Candace teased. Another thunder crack made the table jump. “Oh, that’s so annoying! And I’d make a rain-away-inator, but whoever’s doing this would just turn their inator up and make the storm come back!” Heinz said. “And no evil demands or anything, yet! This is so unprofessional!” “Huh…you think if they have to turn their machine up to restore the storm OWCA might figure it out and stop them?” Phineas asked. Heinz’s eyes widened and he grinned. “Phineas, you just gave me an idea of what to do today. I need to make a phone call.”.o.o.o. “Hey, Monogram, it’s me. Got a proposition for you,” Heinz said once he was in the privacy of the lab. “I’ll assume you mean a business proposition, give you have a boyfriend and I’m married,” Monogram said. “Oh, yeah. Yeah, that kind, and also you are being way too generous to yourself,” Heinz said quickly. “So, this rain’s annoying me and I’m going to try to get rid of it because I do that to things that annoy me. And then Phineas had an idea and said that if I get rid of it, whoever tries to put it back will need to use more power and it might be more obvious…” “Your idea is that while you use your whatever-inator, we might have a better chance of finding the perpetrator,” Monogram summed up. “Mm-hm,” Heinz said. “I mean, I’m not really doing it to help you and would probably take out this wannabe myself, but you know, you getting rid of them for me seemed like so much less work.” “…I’m sending Agent S over to monitor your actions,” Monogram said before the screen went black..o.o.o. “Seriously, sir, what is it with evil scientists randomly deciding to help us but pretending they’re still evil when they’re doing it?” Carl asked. “I don’t know, Carl. The evil mind is a devious one,” Monogram said..o.o.o. “Hi Sergei!” Phineas said, answering the door. “…How’d you get here? You didn’t walk this time, did you?” “I do in fact own a car,” Sergei the Snail admitted. “But, the roads…oh. Is it one of the flying ones?” Phineas asked. “Thankfully, though flying in this weather is still the pits,” Sergei said. “Are your Uncle and Heinz in the lab?” “Nah, Dr. D’s making his device in the living room as he can watch the board games. And play if he gets inventor’s block for a bit,” Phineas said, waving Sergei in. Heinz had pulled a small table over by the couch, which he shared with Perry. The kids had moved the coffee table out a bit and were all seated around it on the floor. “Hello, Sergei the Snail. What an utterly expected arrival,” Heinz said idly, still working on his rain-away-inator. “I’m almost done.” “Don’t let me rush you,” Sergei said, sitting with the kids. “So, what are we playing?” “We’re just finishing up Space Adventure Clue. We can bring you in on the next game, it’s Buford’s pick,” Candace said. “Aw yeah, we’re going Game of Life, baby!” Buford said. “I’m going to live better than all your losers!” “That is what you think,” Baljeet said. Burford glared at him, and Baljeet tugged on his collar, “But, um, we shall see if you end up correct.” Ferb looked at his notes, “Commander Xaldin, in the Cargo Bay, with the Blank Virus.” “Oh, you’re good,” Vanessa said, checking the card packet..o.o.o. “Are we just going to wait on a roof all day?” Mystery whined. Peter pointed out that he’d told Mystery to bring a book. “Eat dirt, panda,” Mystery muttered. “When is Doofenshmirtz going to finish his…whatever it is?” Peter’s phone pinged and he showed Mystery the text from Sergei. “Oh, now, good,” Mystery said, activating the scanner they’d been given by OWCA. A red ray fired up into the clouds from Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, thinning out the storm above the building and then spreading out like a wave. Peter admitted he was glad Heinz had never really gotten into weather control. “I mean, he gets to everything eventually, going by his file,” Mystery pointed out. Peter conceded the point. For a few minutes, the rain became only a small drizzle. Then the monitoring device went off again, and the storm clouds darkened. Peter hissed between his teeth as the sky nearly turned black and lighting cracked ominously. “Ooh. Hope we didn’t make someone mad,” Mystery muttered before checking the scanner. “The abandoned Channel 9 station, it says! Who…who abandons a whole radio station? Is it just bad real estate?” Peter ignored him and focused on flying the car into the stormy skies..o.o.o. “…I just realized something,” Heinz said after two thunder cracks. “It’s going to be really obvious where the person trying to stop the storm is. Like, that was a big, bright red ray.” “Don’t worry, I’ll of course keep you all safe,” Sergei said as he spun the game board’s spinner. “Assuming Perry doesn’t beat me to the beating, that is!”Perry grinned, clapping Heinz on the shoulder as Heinz sat back down. “Well, you did your best, Dr. D,” Phineas said. “It really did let up for a bit there,” Isabella agreed. “Hope Monobrow had people watching,” Heinz muttered. “So, who’s winning?” Isabella fanned herself with her cards and smirked..o.o.o. Peter asked if Mystery was as weirded out as he was that there seemed to be no resistance as they snuck into the studio. “Depending on how long the evil scientist has been here, they might not have had time to really custom-add some traps,” Mystery admitted. “I mean, part of Doof’s constant trap abilities is that he literally lives in his lair.” Peter conceded the point. Plus, if this was a newcomer, they might not have had time to hire henchpeople or guards. The signal seemed to emanate from a large room ahead of them, going by the floorplan sign on the wall from when the building was active. Peter counted down on his fingers, and they burst in. “Ah, Professor Mystery and Peter the Panda! What a not-at-all surprise!” “You know who I am?” Mystery asked. “Wait a minute…Aaron? Aaron is that you?” Confused, Peter asked who Aaron was. “My roommate from West Evil U!” Mystery said, gesturing to the blonde in the labcoat standing on a platform. “Aaron, what the heck are you doing?” “Reminding you of the glory of evil! Mwahahaha!” Aaron laughed. “I’m still evil, you dip,” Mystery said, rolling his eyes. “Then why are you working for OWCA, huh?” Aaron asked. “I’m doing it to get revenge on Heinz Doofenshmirtz for stealing my nemesis!” Mystery said. Aaron looked unimpressed. “Then why are you here?” “Huh?” Mystery asked, confused. “Here. Fighting me. Which has nothing to do with vengeance on Heinz Doofenshmirtz, whoever that is.” Mystery looked momentarily confused before snapping, “I’m getting revenge on you for inconveniencing me!” Peter facepalmed. “See, even the agent thinks that’s dumb,” Aaron said. “I have a thing for revenge, okay?” Mystery yelled. “This is so not revenge,” Aaron said. “It so is!” Mystery shot back. “You didn’t even know it was me!” Aaron yelled, throwing his hands in the air. “I wanted revenge against whoever was inconveniencing me! The identity of the target was irrelevant!” “Revenge is inherently personal, so that’s wrong!” “Oh yeah, which one of us took Advanced Revenge Tactics at West Evil U?” “Oh, shut up about that!” Aaron jerked at a smashing sound. “What the-” Mystery rolled his eyes, “Took you long enough, Peter.” Peter shrugged, still hitting the rain creating machine behind Aaron with a chair. “What are you doing?” Aaron yelled. “He’s thwarting you, I’m getting revenge, we’ve been over this!” Mystery said. “You distracted me for a good guy!” Aaron accused. “Yeah, no, man, he’d do that with or without me saying anything. He’s a smasher,” Mystery said, shaking his head. “Have you tried cutting the power, idiot?” “And now you’re telling him how to thwart me better!” Aaron pointed out. “Or I’m trying to avoid getting a headache due to excessive smashing sounds,” Mystery waved off as Peter found the power cord and pulled out his wire cutters. “Can you even hear yourself?” Aaron asked. “Now that Peter’s not hitting things with chairs, sure,” Mystery said as the rain-orizer was shut down. “You’re worse than you ever were in college!” “Evil,” Mystery pointed out. “That’s not what I—whoa!” Aaron yelped as Peter idly lifted him by the collar. “What is wrong with you? We were talking!” “Peter’s kind of a jerk like that,” Mystery said. Peter glared at him. “What, you are!” Mystery said. Peter cuffed Aaron to a chair before retorting that it wasn’t like Mystery had ever done much talking during his schemes. “Oh, don’t go blaming me for your inability to adapt!” Mystery huffed. He pulled out his phone. “Oi, Carl. It’s my old evil college roommate. Weirdo wanted to revenge on me because the idiot thought I turned good.” “You are literally reporting to OWCA right now!” Aaron yelled. Peter shoved him. “Buzz off, Peter the Panda! This is your fault! You turned him good somehow!” Peter dramatically rolled his eyes. “I am not good! You take that back!” Mystery yelled, forgetting he was still on the phone..o.o.o. “…As you were saying about evil scientists insisting they’re not really helping us,” Monogram sighed as Carl jerked the receiver away from his ear..o.o.o. “Excellent news! The villain has been thwarted!” Sergei announced. “Yeah, we figured, what with the rain letting up,” Heinz said. “Who was it, anyway?” Vanessa asked. “…Professor Mystery’s roommate from West Evil U,” Sergei said after re-checking his phone. “You know what? I’m saying that’s Mystery’s fault. Curse Professor Mystery!” Heinz declared. “Darn it!” Buford sighed as he landed on one of Isabella’s hotels. “Curse you Isabella Garcia-Shapiro! Oh, oh wow. I see why you do that.” “It’s cathartic, right?” Heinz asked. “Totally,” Buford said. “So, we’re going to go home once the roads are sorted?” Baljeet asked. “Probably. I’d bet lunch comes first, myself,” Heinz said. “But yeah, all’s well that ends well it looks like. And tomorrow you can make a unicorn!” “Wait, why are they making a unicorn?” Sergei asked. Perry signed that it was for the same reason the kids did anything—fun.