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"I don't think I would ever want to be with someone like him."I smirked towards Goyo's direction, the latter boisterously laughing with his mates while eating isaw in front of Aling Oryang's carinderia. I mean why would Joven think Goyo and I seem to be perfect for each other? Just because I’ve known him since we were in nappies doesn't mean something would or should happen between us. It's the same fact that prevents that something from happening. Knowing Goyo since childhood, I've seen how he's so full of himself. He was proud, foolish, childish, and lackadaisical. He has a way with words which made everyone around him spellbound (well everyone, except me). He has been involved with countless lovers since it dawned on him how attractive he looks. Not saying he's really that good-looking, I mean he's okay for me, but somehow all the people around him sees him more appealing than how he really is. It was for the same reason that we drifted apart while growing up. It's annoying enough that he thinks his better looking than others, what's more annoying is that he would act around and shove it to your face. I think it's fair to say that we can't stand each other as we are on the opposing end of the same pole. "Ilyong!" Goyo called out to me. "Not today, Satan!" I yelled at him. His friends shrieked with laughter as I walk away.**************************** I saw Joven deep in thought seated at the back of the library. He looked like he hasn't slept in days which could be true because of the article deadlines set three days from now. "Huy, Joven okay ka lang?" Joven stared at me for a minute before shaking his head. I sat in front of him. "Ilyooongg..." He ducked his head while lightly pounding it on the table. "Gusto ko na matulog.. Halos 48 hours na kong gising." "Di ka pa tapos dun sa feature article na sinusulat mo?" "Hindi pa. May essay pa kay Sir Mabini tsaka reading kay Sir Del Pilar." He sighed."Sige na nga.. Ano ba pwede ko itulong?" I reluctantly asked.He perked up and sat straight. A wide beam set on his face. "Talaga? Salamat Ilyong hulog ka talaga ng langit! Wala nang bawian ha, nag offer ka na." He started rummaging inside his backpack and brought out a black notepad. I suddenly felt anxious and a part of me regretted my offer to help. "Sabi kasi ni Sir Luna, kulang pa yung article ko tungkol kay Goyo. Parang lahat daw ng nakasulat dun alam na ng lahat ng tao sa campus. Gusto nya raw mas in depth." "Bakit ba kasi sya pa yung kailangan mong gawan ng article? Ang dami namang mas interesting na tao dito sa campus." I asked. "Alam mo naman kailangan mas dumami readers natin ngayon para tuloy-tuloy yung funding satin. Kapag si Goyo nilagay natin sa feature siguradong mauubos lahat ng kopya lalo na ngayon na nanalo syang SG President." "Ano pa bang ginagawa nun kundi makipaglandian? Wala ka nang makukuhang mas in depth sa buhay nun" I snort. Joven furrowed his brows. "Grabe ka talaga kay Goyo no." He shook his head. "Anyway, naisip ko yung article is about how he conducts his day to day activities kaya ang magiging title nung article is 'A Day in the life of the Boy General'. Nakausap ko na si Goyo at okay naman sa kanya yun." "Okay talaga sa kanya yun kasi mafefeed yung ego nya.. So, anong gagawin ko dyan?" I unwillingly asked. "Di ko na kasi kayang samahan sya for a day sa dami ng dapat kong gawin. Irerecord mo lang naman yung mga gagawin nya..." I didn't let him finish, "Sorry Joven I can't do that. You're asking me na sundan si Goyo for a day sa lahat ng lakad nya? Gusto mo ba kong mamatay?" "Ang OA mo dun." Joven said. "Sige na Ilyong, please. Tulungan mo na ko. Maawa ka na sakin." He continued, his eyes pleading."Bakit di mo na lang tanungin si Vicente? Alam naman nun lahat ng ginagawa ni Goyo. Bat kailangan sundan pa sya?" "Syempre mas magiging malaman yung article kung si Goyo mismo magpapakita kaysa sasabihin lang ni Enteng. Tsaka alam mo naman di na nga sya masyado nakakasama kila Goyo ngayon." His voice softened. "Oo nga pala kasi lagi kayong magkasama." Joven's cheeks turned red. I can't help but to snicker."Please, Ilyong do this for me tapos ilalakad kita kay Sir Andoy." He winked. "Alam ko crush mo si Sir." "Gago hindi ganun yun. Inaadmire ko lang si Sir Andoy." Joven's smile was pasted on his face. I took a deep breath and sighed. "Fine. I'll do this pero kapag nabwisit ako kay Gagoyo ititigil ko kaagad to." "Sure. Pero promise me that you'll try, Ilyong. Malay mo naman dahil dito magbago tingin mo sa kanya." Joven said as he handed me his notepad. "I highly doubt that." Joven told me to wait for Goyo in the main lobby of Burgos Hall at 1pm. I sat on one of the benches and opened my book to read while waiting. Not long after someone called me, "Ilyong!" Without looking up I knew it was Goyo. The shrill sound from him made my nerves tingle and right then I knew how bad of an idea this was. I closed my book and looked at him. Just as I expected, he was flashing his stupid smile. "Goyo" I nodded at him but made sure not to smile. "Ang seryoso mo naman, Ilyong. Parang wala tayong pinagsamahan." He reached and placed his left arm over my shoulders. I squirmed and moved away from him. "Goyo, I just want to make this clear. I'm doing this because Joven's my friend. You don't have to act all chummy around me because we're not friends, and we've moved on from that, right? We both know this isn't going to be easy so don't make this any harder than it already is, okay?" Goyo's smile disappeared and he tried to look serious. "Okay." He said. "Good." I replied. I took out the black notepad Joven gave me as well as a pen. "So, ngayon san ka na pupunta? Maaga pala natatapos klase mo." I asked. He considered my question before replying. "Magkikita kami ni Remi." I tried to hide the side eye I was giving him. "Sabi ko na nga ba makikipaglandian lang to." I murmured to myself. "Ano? May sinasabi ka ba?" Goyo asked. "Wala. Ah.. kailangan ko pa ba sumama dun? Date nyo ata yun." "Ikaw? Sabi kasi sakin ni Joven you'll tag along everywhere I go for a day. Welcome ka naman di naman masungit si Remi hindi tulad ng iba dyan." I tried to hide my annoyance towards his snide remark. "Sige, sama na lang ako baka magalit pa si Joven pag sinabi kong di ako sumama sa'yo pero wag ka mag alala di ko kayo iistorbohin." We walked towards the Physics building where Remi's classes were situated. Everybody knows Goyo was wooing Remi for the longest time but she was tough to crack and for that I respect her. We saw Remi seated on one of the table benches under the shade of an acacia tree writing notes. Goyo called to her and when she looked up, she smiled and motioned for us to come over. Goyo introduced me to her and explained why I was with him. She was genuinely warm and even offered me some dried mangoes she was eating. Goyo and Remi started discussing which I think is about a report in one of the subjects they have together. All of a sudden Goyo excused himself so Remi and I were left in each other's company. We were quiet until Remi asked, "So ano nang nalaman mo tungkol kay Goyo?" "Actually wala pa. Kakasimula ko pa lang kasi, ito yung una nyang agenda today. Hmm.. ikaw, ano bang masasabi mo kay Goyo? Diba matagal-tagal ka na rin nyang nililigawan?"I was surprised when she started laughing. "Hindi na nanliligaw si Goyo, Ilyong. Matagal ko na syang pinatigil." I was confused for a while. "Pero bakit ka nya pinuntahan dito? Hindi ba..." "Nope. This isn't a date. Nagkataon lang na partners kami sa socio report namin tsaka nagpapatulong ako sa kanya sa World History essay ko. He was more than willing to help." I nodded but somehow Remi sensed my doubt. "Alam mo Ilyong, mabait naman si Goyo. Yes, he has a reputation but if it were a different time and situation I think I would've given him a chance." "If that's the case bakit mo sya pinatigil sa panliligaw?" Only when the words slipped out of me did I realize that I was actually prying. "Okay lang kung di mo sagutin, pasensya na kung masyado kong matanong." Remi smiled and said, "Nangako kasi ako kay Tatay sa Dagupan na hindi muna ko papasok sa relasyon habang nag-aaral dito sa Maynila. Yun din kasi ang gusto nya. Believe it or not, Goyo respected that. He understood me and he knew the value of promises." "Talaga ba?" "Naiintindihan ko kung bakit mahirap paniwalaan, Ilyong. Ganyan din ako sa kanya nung una." Goyo came back holding 3 cans of Coke. He handed one to me and one to Remi. "Parang ang seryoso ng pinag uusapan nyo. Sino ba yan? Ako ba pinag-uusapan nyo?" He grinned. "Wala ka na dun. O sige na, pag usapan na natin yung report." Remi said. I was listening to them discuss how to go about with their report and while Remi was known to be an ace student, Goyo made valid points. I was even surprised that he knew a lot about World History and how he has strong opinion on topics I never thought he would be interested in. I jotted on the notepad Joven gave me including what Remi told me about Goyo. I still didn't believe her for a lot of reasons but my opinion didn't matter either so I left it at that. When they were finished Remi bid me good bye and winked although I'm not sure why. It was almost 3 o’clock and Goyo said he has to attend the council meeting for their Christmas outreach program tomorrow so we went to the SG headquarters. “Closed door meeting to so hintayin mo na lang muna ko dito ha.” Goyo said. “Okay.” I replied.“Wag mo ko masyadong mamimiss ha.” He winked at me. I tightened my fist and muttered a silent growl which he wasn't able to see because he went inside the room and close the door behind him. I texted Joven while waiting for Goyo's meeting to end.
You owe me big time. Nakaka strike 2 na si gagoyo sakin.
He replied:
Yes, promise I'll make it up to you. Btw, nakausap ko na si Sir Andoy. I have set you up a meeting with him para sa thesis mo. *heart eyes emoji*
I gasped. If it was really the case then I would wholeheartedly endure this day with Goyo if there’s a hint of chance that Sir Andoy will agree to be my thesis adviser. I was smiling to myself as I texted back Joven when Goyo appeared in front of me “Uy..ang laki ng ngiti mo ah.. Sino yang ka text mo? Jowa mo ba?” “Tigilan mo nga ako, Goyo. Wala ka na dun.” I glared at him. “O ano na? San ka na pupunta? Uuwi ka na ba? Kasi kung wala ka nang agenda, uuwi na rin ako.” I told him as I was putting the notepad inside my bag. “Ang aga mo naman umuwi. 5 pa lang kaya tsaka Friday ngayon no. May pupuntahan pa ko, birthday ni Juan ngayon may party sa condo nila. Tara, sama ka.” I instantly shook my head. “I don’t think kasama pa yan sa dapat naming isama sa article. Tsaka di ako mahilig sa mga ganyan. Uwi na..” I wasn’t able to finish what I was saying because my phone vibrated. I saw a text from Joven.
Kita tayo sa party ni Juan, for sure pupunta si Goyo. I’ll tell you about what Sir Andoy told me earlier. See you! *wink emoji*
Sighing, I looked at Goyo and said, “Mukhang kailangan ko rin magpunta dun, nakikipagkita sakin dun si Joven.”“Nice. Tara EJ let’s partaaay!” Goyo beamed“Shut up.” I sneered. “And don’t call me EJ.” I turn my back against him and left. We walked toward his car. He literally drew the car’s door open for me. “Marunong ako magbukas ng pinto ng kotse Goyo, wag mo kong maliitin.” I told him before I got inside. We were quiet inside his car. He opened the radio and “Dati” was playing. I can’t help but to associate the lyrics of the song with how I actually spend my childhood days. As if reading my thoughts, Goyo said “Naalala mo nung bata tayo lagi tayong naglalaro nila Enteng ng mataya-taya, lagi ka ngang buro nun.” He was cackling as he related the memory. I scoffed, “Madaya kasi kayo laging ako na lang pinagdidiskitahan nyo. Pero talo ko kayong lahat sa luksong baka tsaka taguan.” “Naalala mo nung nagtaguan tayo tapos halos 15 minutes na hindi pa rin kita makita akala ko talaga nun may kumidnap na sayo kasi uso nun yung puting van na nangunguha raw ng mga bata tapos ginagawang vetsin.” The memory came back to me and I remembered how terrified Goyo looked while searching everywhere for me. His voice was shaking, calling my name over and over. “Mangiyak-ngiyak ka nga nun. Sabi mo pa, EJ magpakita ka na, sige na. Papahiramin na kita ng gameboy lumabas ka lang.” We were both laughing now. “Magaling ka naman magtago nun pero wala ka pa rin panama sakin.” I looked at him and smirked.“Masyado kang mahusay magtago,Ilyong. Pero ikaw rin lang talaga totoong nakakakita sakin” his voice turned serious all of a sudden. I looked away and swallowed the lump on my throat. I knew he was talking about the memory of us playing hide and seek but why do I feel that there was more to his statement than he lets on. We arrived at the party and all of Goyo's friends were there. When we enter the door everyone has their eyes on us. I felt conscious so I immediately turn away and told him I'll look for Joven. I found Joven in the balcony.“Akala ko ba marami kang gagawin? Bat nasa party ka, ha Joven?” I scolded him. “Kumalma ka nga, Ilyong. Sinamahan ko lang si Enteng sandali pero uuwi na rin kami maya-maya. Syempre orgmate tsaka tropa nya si Juan kailangan nya sumaglit dito.” Joven explained. “So, kumusta? Close na kayo ni Goyo?” He asked with a knowing look on his face. “Ulol hindi no.” Joven chuckled. “Pero seryoso, Ilyong akala ko talaga hindi ka tatagal. Anyway, did you find out anything new about our boy general?” I told him everything including what Remi told me. But of course I left out the part when we were driving to the party. Joven has this bemused expression on his face. “Told you there's more to him than just his pretty face.” I didn't argue with him this time.We talked a bit more. He told me Sir Andoy will be meeting with me next week which was the best part. Vicente came, he and Joven bid me goodbye then left. I was all alone in the balcony with my thoughts. Maybe Joven was right. Maybe after tomorrow, I might somehow think differently about Goyo. I looked at my watch. It's almost 10 so I went to look for him. It was loud and dim inside, I saw Julian and asked where Goyo is, he pointed towards the kitchen. I drew a sharp breath when I saw Goyo pressed against the wall with Rusca's lips pressed against his. The latter’s hands inside Goyo’s shirt. They must have sensed my presence because Goyo looked at me, wide eyed. I turned around and went for the door. He was calling my name and caught up with me.“Ilyong! Teka!” I turned around and faced him. “Uuwi na ko.” “Hatid na kita.”“Hindi na. Mukhang busy ka pa. Kaya kong umuwi mag-isa.” I slammed the door behind me. The next morning I got a text from Joven asking me to meet with Goyo at 9 am in the coffee shop one block away from my dorm. I wanted to tell him I’m not up for the job but thought twice because that would entail a lot of questioning. So I propped myself out of bed and readied to meet with Goyo. I found him seated in one of the booths, he offered me a drink but I refused. I told him we must get going because the orphanage where the outreach program will take place is still an hour away. Surprisingly, he didn’t attempt to annoy me with his stupid remarks. Inside the car, I put on my earphones as I’m not in the mood to talk to him. From my peripheral view, I can see that he was glancing at me every now and then but I took no notice of it and continued facing my side of the window. When we arrived, most of the other student government officers were already there, doing all the necessary preparations. I stayed away from him for the most part and he seem to have been busy to notice. But my sight did not leave him. He was hands-on and did things he can easily ask somebody else to do. He carried the supplies and gifts they would give the children, he helped in decorating the stage and inflated balloons, he arranged the tables and chairs. Soon, the children came and the program for them started. It was nice to see the children with their smiles on their faces, enjoying themselves with the gifts and food given to them. Goyo then was called to the stage. I was surprised to see him with a guitar on hand. The last time I saw him play was when we were 10. All the children gathered in front of him as he started strumming the guitar. He began singing “Dati” which reminded me of what happened last night in the car. Everyone was clapping along with the beat of the song and I couldn’t help but to join in. Goyo looked at my direction, his eyes twinkling as if trying to speak to me. Despite myself, a smile formed on my lips. When he was finished singing, the children were asking him to sing again. He was very fond of the kids and he would play with them. It was the first time in a long time that I’ve seen him as the old Goyo that I used to know. I was deep in thought when someone approached me and handed me a sandwich. It was Felicidad, Goyo’s ex-girlfriend and current SG Secretary. “Parang ang lalim ng iniisip mo dyan, Ilyong.” she said. “Ha? Hindi naman. Di lang ako makapaniwala sa nakikita ko ngayon.” looking at Goyo playing with the kids. She let out a small chuckle. “Alam mo bang idea lahat ni Goyo ‘to?” she looked all around us “Gusto raw nya na imbes na mag Christmas Party kami, mag outreach na lang kami dito.” my face gave away my reaction. She smiled. “You know what Ilyong, he surprises me too. If you ask a lot of people, they would say his looks, his charm, his personality are the things that make him amusing. But after we broke up, I realized that what’s amusing about him was how he tries so hard to mask his child-likeness with this man-like bravado when in fact, he is just a child; pure but also mischievous, wanting to be truly loved and seen for who he really is. Too bad I only realized this when we’re already over.” I let her words sink and was reminded by what Goyo said last night. “Ikaw lang rin ang totoong nakakakita sa akin.” It came back to me how when we were kids, Goyo would often fend off bullies teasing me, or how he would scratch his head and mope whenever his Daddy Miong wouldn’t allow him to play outside. But most especially how he struggled when his dads decided to separate. I was with him the whole time. After talking to Felicidad, I went out and walked to the children’s playground. I found the swing and for the first time in a long time, I sat on it. I rock myself to and fro until I was sent 10 years earlier when Goyo and I would play in the school playground, both of us on the swing battling each other to be the first one to touch the sky first. I stopped swinging myself when a voice called to me. I looked and saw Goyo walking towards me. He sat on the swing next to mine. “Naaalala mo pa nun, nagpapataasan tayo sa pag swing?” he asked. I nodded and said “Unahan makahawak sa ulap.” We both smiled. “Anong nangyari satin, Ilyong?” He gazed at me, his eyes were sad and unsure. “I guess we grew up?” I offered. He sighed. “I wish we were still kids. Back when everything was simple and easy.” he said. “But we can’t. We’re not kids anymore, Goyo. Time to face that fact.”“You know what I miss about you, Ilyong?” I was taken aback with what he said. “You are the only person who I can’t seem to hide myself from. You know if I’m being stupid and you let me know that I am. When you left the party last night, I realized how much of a fool I am. I don’t want to be like this anymore.You make me see, Ilyong.” his voice trembled but he continued, “I need more of you in my life.” A sharp blow hit me and I couldn’t speak. Goyo took my hands, “I’m not asking you to be with me if you don’t want to. But can we at least be friends again?” My heart was racing, I can’t seem to get the words out of my mouth. I wanted to say yes, but a part of me won’t let me. I was in utter confusion so I did what my instinct told me and got up. “I’m sorry, Goyo.” and started walking away. ************************A week from the day at the orphanage and I still can’t get my mind off of what happened in the playground. I haven’t heard from Goyo since then. The Christmas break just started so the dorm was quiet. Most of my dorm mates have gone back to their family houses but here I am in my room. I looked at Joven’s camera which I borrowed to take pictures from the outreach. I stopped at every photo of Goyo and noticed how infectious his smile was. In my head, I knew I made the right decision to refuse being friends with him. But I couldn’t shake the feeling inside me that yearns to see what could happen if I agreed. It was the first time that I finally let myself admit that I miss him too. For everything that I disliked about him, there are also things that I longed about him. He can be funny, caring, thoughtful, and strong-willed. I love that he still remembers all that we did when we were younger. All of a sudden, I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard a noise outside my room. I went to the door and opened it only to find Goyo three doors from mine knocking and calling my name. “Goyo?” I called. He looked at me and his face lit up. “Ilyong?”“Anong ginagawa mo dyan?”I asked. He scratched the back of his head and said, “Hehe. Akala ko dito kwarto mo.” he walked over to where I was.I placed my palm over my face and sighed, “Stupid.” “Sorry na. May gusto lang akong ibigay.” “Huh? Ano yun?” I asked. I noticed that he was looking at me funny then I realized that I was just wearing boxer shorts and a muscle shirt. I immediately slammed the door in front of him and told him to wait a while. I wore a longer jersey shorts and a T-Shirt before opening the door and letting him inside. “Bat ka nga nandito?” I asked. I sat on the edge of my bed. “Uhm, pauwi na kasi ako ng Bulacan. Naalala ko lang na ibigay sa’yo to.” he took from his bag the black notepad where I wrote all the things I observed about him. I didn’t even know I lost it. “Napulot ko yan nung nagliligpit na kami after ng program sa orphanage. I got curious kaya I read some of it. Sorry.” I took the notepad from him. “Pasensya na ngayon ko lang naibalik. Tama naman lahat ng nakalagay dyan. Totoong ikaw lang talaga ang nakakakilala sa ‘kin ng lubos, Ilyong.” He smiled, but it was a sad one. “Sige, mauna na ko. Medyo mahaba pa byahe ko.” he turned around and went to the door. I clutched the side of my bed and before I could stop myself, I called to him. “Goyong” he turned to face me and all I could do was crash into him and embrace him. “Namiss rin kita. Sobra.” I could hear his heart beating and felt his arms around me too. With our bodies entwined, his warmth against mine, all I could wish for was for time to stop. “Sabi ko na nga ba mahal mo rin ako.” he whispered in my ear. I inched away from him but didn’t let go. “Sabi ko namiss kita, wala akong sinabing mahal kita.” I retorted. “Looks like you already did say it.” he said, smiling. “Baliw” I said. “Baliw sa’yo” he replied. I can’t help but chuckle. No more hiding, I’ve been found and so was him.