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“Hey.” Shannon walked into the room he shared with Jared, hands shoved deep in his pockets, mouth twisted into a crooked grin. “Whatcha doing?”Jared looked up at his brother, smiling gently as he threaded his fingers impatiently through his blonde hair. “Trying to write. Trying being the key word.”“New song?”“Nope, same song.” He dropped his head to his chest, stretching out the tired muscles, but still focusing on the book. It had become almost like a game of war, him against the song, and he was afraid if he did not give it his full attention, the inspiration he was looking for would appear and disappear before he was able to grab it. “Fucker is just stuck somewhere where I can’t find it. I’ve got no beginning or end, just some parts in the middle. It’s making me insane.”I believe in nothingNot the end and not the start“You’ll get it,” Shannon smiled, crossing the room to the big old wooden desk that had been their grandmother’s. He pulled the chair out and sat down, crossing one leg over the other and leaning back. “Anything I can do to help?”Jared shook his head slowly, his eyes never leaving the notebook that rested on his lap. After a few minutes of quiet, he looked up at Shannon again, his eyes searching the hazel ones that looked lovingly at him. “And what may I ask, are you doing? Need the bed for some important reason?”Jared smirked and Shannon returned it; identical grins charged with identical meanings. “Sorry, no ulterior motive. Just watching you.”Jared licked his lips, extending his legs from his cross-legged position with a groan. “Oh fuck. Getting too goddamn old to sit like that.” He groaned again as Shannon continued to watch him, just a shimmer of a smile gracing his full lips now. “Okay ... so why are you watching me?”Shannon shrugged. “No reason. You’ve been so busy lately that just seeing you sitting still in one place is kinda nice.”“Have you been drinking?”“Fuck off,” Shannon said. “Time to call it a day maybe?”Jared didn’t really want to quit for the day, that would be too much like giving up on the song or more precisely, giving into the song and letting it win. And Jared did not like to lose. He had the tune and even some of the words already written down, but it was the meaning and the substance that he was missing. It was a song that mattered to him, not that they all didn’t, but it was ... different. He saw it as a song about hope but at the same time a sad song about the world. If only he could get what was in his heart out onto the page ...He bent forward lazily, stretching his back this time and not liking how it felt. He tried to hide the grimace that momentarily crossed his face, but Shannon was too quick. “You know you’re not supposed to sit for so long at a time ... especially like that.”Ignoring his brother’s mini-lecture, Jared sat up straight again. “I guess I might as get some sleep, instead of just sitting here spinning my wheels.”He laid back on the bed, extending his body to its full length, a sudden yawn pushing from his throat. Shannon was right. He’d been way too busy trying to finish the writing of the new album, plus all the other things that just seemed to come up and take up his time. He really needed a holiday, but that sure as shit was not gonna happen for a while. Once the songs were done, the recording started, then the editing and the promo and the tour. Not to mention the release of his new movie and the promo and appearances for that, as well. He knew he’d be kept busy for a while, no time to think, no time to waste, no time to even breathe.He loved what he was doing and he loved how everything in his life was working out, but there was always more he could do and more he wanted to do. It seemed like he was always in a rush, no matter where he went or who he was with. His only break in the storm he called his life was Shannon. Shannon never put any time constrictions on him. He never told him he should or shouldn’t take on extra stuff, or made him feel guilty because he did.“You want me to get you something to eat? I made some pasta but you didn’t come down for dinner.”“Sorry. I should have ...”“No, it’s alright. I could have called you or brought it up, but I didn’t wanna disturb you.”Jared hadn’t realized how late it was until he looked up at the skylight above the bed; twinkling stars and pitch black sky.I believe in nothingNot the earth and not the starsHe remembered turning his light on when the light of day had faded earlier, but he obviously had no concept of how long ago that had been. “Yeah,” he said softly with a sigh. “Another day.”He closed his eyes again, relishing in how good it felt to stretch out after being so curled up, both on the bed and within himself. That was something else Shannon understood and didn’t push him about; the amount of time he closed himself off to everyone so he could just live in his own thoughts. That’s usually how his creativity worked. He wasn’t one to find inspiration when he was with people or talking to people or even thinking about people, he needed that solitude and peace within himself to shape and corral the bouncing and zigzagging ideas that constantly bombarded the inside of his skull. Shannon was the only person he could really even have in the room with him during those times, but perhaps that was just because Shannon was so used to the way Jared and his patterns worked.He didn’t realize his thoughts were rambling again until Shannon’s voice suddenly broke through the fog in his brain.“Jared? You gonna get up or sleep like that?” Shannon’s voice was patient and soothing, and if Jared hadn’t felt bad about hogging the whole bed, he might have just stayed where he was and asked his brother to just keep soothing him until he fell asleep. “And you never answered my question. Hungry?”Jared shook his head, lifting his aching body from the bed, his back screaming out its own objections. “Oh fuck,” he groaned, grabbing onto Shannon’s arm for support as he wobbled on his feet.Shannon’s eyes were not patient when he looked at Jared this time. “I’m not gonna lecture ...”“Good, then don’t,” Jared interrupted, removing his hand and taking a deep breath.“But ... you do look tired,” the older Leto said. “Some sleep will do you good. Tomorrow’s another day, right?”Jared nodded his head in agreement, his fingers struggling to unbuckle his belt. Shannon was always the sensible one and as much as Jared liked to think he was always in charge, Shannon could whip his ass in no time whatsoever, if he ever thought it was needed. “What did you do today?”“Nothing much. We were supposed to go to that new drum warehouse, but we can go another day.” Shannon reached over, shoving Jared’s hands from his belt, and quickly undoing it, along with the fastenings of his pants.“Oh shit, I’m sorry. I get so caught up in everything, I can’t fucking think straight.”“No biggie. You were up and out of the house early, then busy all day. I’m not some whining housewife who waits around for you to take her out, you know.” Shannon giggled, the sound always magical to Jared’s ears. He quickly hooked an arm around Shannon’s shoulders, bringing their bodies close, his arms wrapping tightly around his neck, and leaning their head together, while his eyes closing contently.“Guess I’m more like the wife, huh?” he teased, his whole body relaxing against Shannon’s, all his senses opening up to devour the familiarity of Shannon’s touch and smell.“You said it, not me,” Shannon snickered some more, winding his arms around Jared’s middle and gripping the fabric of his t-shirt. “You know why you’re having trouble with this song?”Jared opened his eyes and pulled his head from Shannon’s. “Why?”“You’re not using your lucky pen.”“What pen?” Jared was pretty sure he didn’t know what Shannon was talking about. He did have a lot of quirky habits and patterns of behavior but he didn’t recall a lucky pen being one of them. But on the other hand, he was also so exhausted he could barely think at all.“Grandma’s pen,” Shannon mused.“Oh fuck, yeah,” Jared snickered, realization flooding his brain and making him smile. “I forgot all about it. Silliest goddamn thing ever. Did I actually used to call it my lucky pen?”Shannon nodded. “Yep. Don’t you remember going fucking nuts when you couldn’t find refills for it when you were writing A Beautiful Lie?”“We ended up having to order them from some fly-by-night shop in the middle of Taiwan or something, right?”“Yeah. If I recall it helped you finish The Story to your liking.”Jared nodded, letting his head fall back against Shannon’s. Fuck going to bed, if Shannon was willing to prop him up all night in his arms, Jared was more than willing to be propped. “Whatever happened to that pen?”“I dunno, but I’ll have a look for it tomorrow.” Shannon turned and tilted his head so he was facing his brother, then pressed their lips together as Jared’s hands moved up to grip the back of his head. The kiss was slow and lazy but filled with more feeling than either one of them could ever explain. It had always been that way. They were both pretty good at verbally expressing their emotions, but the contact between them said way more than any words ever could.In the past, it had sometimes proven difficult for other people to understand their intense mental and emotional attachment, but those people had quickly been left by the wayside. There was no need for negativity and a false sense of virtue when the Leto brothers were quite happy with each other. No one had a say in that except them, and they’d whittled their inner circle down to only those people who understood that, and accepted it without conflict.Shannon pulled away first, kissing Jared gently one last time, then took him by the hand. “You’re exhausted. Let’s get you to bed.”“Wanna have your way with me, do ya?” Jared teased, slowly shoving his jeans from his hips and legs, then stepping out of them and tossing them onto the chair Shannon had been occupying. “Okay, if I just lie there and take it?”“Don’t you always?” Shannon said, chuckling to himself as he stripped the clothes from his body and moved to the other side of the bed. He pulled the duvet back, fluffed his pillows a few times, then crawled in beside his waiting brother.“Nasty ... but good comeback,” Jared said, turning to his side and running a hand over Shannon’s naked belly and up his chest, smirking when he felt the muscles beneath the skin twitch.“Fucking cold goddamn hands!” Shannon yipped as Jared snickered and continued to feel him up. “Gonna get you some gloves to wear in the house, and not those fucking fingerless ones; ones with real fingers.”“That’s why I have you to warm them up for me. So you gonna do me or what?”“Nice invitation but I think I’ll pass,” Shannon said, sliding an arm beneath Jared’s shoulders and pulling him into his body. “Besides, you’re too tired and we’re both too old to be fucking every night.”“Speak for yourself, old man.” Jared looked up and into the grin on Shannon’s face, knowing he had to wipe it off if he was going to save any of the dignity he was pretty sure Shannon had just stolen from him. He removed one hand from Shannon’s warm belly, curling it around his brother’s neck, pulling him down into a tongue-filled, passionate kiss, but pulling away again when he felt Shannon’s body begin to shake with laughter. “I’m kissing the shit out of you and you’re laughing? How fucking rude.”Shannon continued to chuckle, but wrapped Jared tighter in his embrace. “You gotta admit it’s funny when you try so hard.”Jared shook his head, struggling slightly to free himself from his laughing brother’s arms. “Not so funny to me.”“Relax, bro,” Shannon whispered against his hair, pressing a kiss to Jared’s head. “You don’t have to make it up to me for the drum thing ... at least not tonight. Just go to sleep. You know you’re too tired to fool around anyhow, and I prefer you fully awake when I fuck the life out of you.”“Fuck me like Satan, you mean?” It was Jared who was snickering this time, then Shannon joining in; it was an old joke between the two of them because of some internet gossip that had gone too far. “Did we really fuck last night?”“Think it was more like this morning.”“Impressive for two old men, I guess.” Jared snuggled himself against Shannon’s warm body, throwing one leg over Shannon’s thighs and resting one hand on his brother’s muscled chest.“You gonna turn the light off, or are you going through another one of your monsters in the dark phases?” Shannon purred against the top of Jared’s head.I believe in nothingNot the day and not the dark“I just got comfortable, and I was fucking five when that happened for Christ’s sake,” Jared said, then gasped. “Oh fuck, you know what we need? One of those clapper things, where you don’t have to get out of bed to turn the light off. Betcha I can find one on the internet. Is my laptop on?”“All you have to do is reach over and switch the fucker off, Jared. And no, you’re not getting out your laptop. Turn the light off and go the fuck to sleep.”Jared mumbled something derogatory, rolled to his back quickly, switched the lamp off then regained his spot on Shannon in one swift movement. “G’night, Shan,” he whispered.“Night.”Tomorrow is another day and that song is not going to fucking beat me again. That was the thought that finally settled in Jared’s head as he closed his eyes, the beating of Shannon’s heart mixing with his own and lulling him to sleep.I believe in nothingBut the beating of our hearts ₪ ø lll ·o.Jared was up before the sun, his notebook settled in his hands, pen sucked between his lips as he leaned against the headboard. He’d actually had some revelations in the night, words that had come to him and had been quickly written down in the morning. He felt like the dreaded song of doom was finally coming along, like he’d broken through some barrier and found the missing words, at least some of them.Shannon moved restlessly beside him, his face turning to Jared, a look of both confusion and soft, sleepy sexiness staring up at him. “Is the sun even up, Jared?”“Don’t need the sun to create, Shannie,” Jared said, ruffling Shannon’s already ruffled hair. “I had to write this shit down. Go back to sleep, I’ll be quiet.”I believe in nothingOne hundred suns until we part“Oh fuck,” Shannon groaned. “I just remembered ...”Jared watched curiously as his brother crawled out of the bed, bones and joints creaking and crackling, stumbling slightly as he got his still half-asleep balance in check, then opened one of the drawers on the desk. “Ah ha!”“What are you doing?” Jared asked, clearly amused and highly aroused as Shannon staggered nakedly around the room. Morning sex was the best. “Are you sleepwalking or something?”“I found it! I am so fucking smart I even amaze myself,” Shannon chuckled, moving back to the bed and throwing himself down beside Jared. “The pen!”Jared snickered, placing his notebook on the bedside table, and grabbing Shannon’s hand while he wiggled it back and forth in front of his eyes. “I forgot it was fucking pink. I knew it had that goddamn silly flower on the top, but it’s fucking pink, too.”“Grandma’s idea of a joke, I believe,” Shannon said, disappearing under the covers. Jared flinched when he felt his cock suddenly engulfed in warm, moist heat and a hand wrapping itself around his length.“I can’t use the pretty pink pen if you’re doing that,” he groaned, threading his fingers through Shannon’s hair. “And I thought we agreed not to do this on Sundays so you know ... He wouldn’t see.” Jared pulled back the blanket, then looked up at the skylight for emphasis.Shannon popped his mouth off Jared’s hardening dick, fingers entwining themselves in his brother’s pubic hair and pulling. “You don’t believe in Him, and you were the only one who said He could see us on Sundays.”Jared reached down and took his cock in his hand, bouncing it lightly against Shannon’s fuzzy cheek. “No way that any kind of love is a sin anyhow. Isn’t that what I also said, in all my infinite wisdom?”Shannon smirked and nodded, his tongue poking out to lick at the tempting dick in his face. “No God or sin involved,” he moaned, taking Jared’s tip into his mouth and giving it one mighty suck.Jared groaned, settling his body back into the headboard, the feel of Shannon lips and tongue stimulating every nerve in his body. Fuck the song. This was the only thing that really mattered.I believe in nothingNot in sin and not in God ₪ ø lll ·o.“Green tea,” Shannon said, setting the steaming mug in front of Jared at the kitchen table. The notebook was again in front of his brother as Shannon had known it would be, but the pen with the big pink flower on top, nestled between his brother’s fingers, almost made Shannon choke on his coffee.“What?” Jared asked, looking up absentmindedly.“You’re using the pen?”Jared smirked and bit his lip. “You told me it would help.”“I was only joking ... but go, keep going, the page looks a little fuller than yesterday.”“Yes, it does.” Jared blew distractedly on the steam pouring from his mug, carefully taking a sip then setting the cup down again. “Oh! I have something for you.” He grinned, rose from his chair and grabbed a book from the counter. “I’ve been meaning to give this to you for a while.”“One of your notebooks? You want me to file it for you or something?”Jared frowned, tossing the book at Shannon and falling back down into his chair. “It’s yours. I want you to write that song that you’re always strumming on the guitar.”“What song?”“That would be the question, wouldn’t it?” Jared smirked as Shannon returned his earlier frown. “You play the same song, or at least part of a song, over and over, Shan. You have for months, maybe even longer. I want you to finish it so we can put it on the record.”Shannon curled up his nose and shook his head. “No. It’s not a song ... it’s just something I do.”“But it could be a song if you took some time to think about it and write it down. Maybe we could do something really cool with it. It already sounds so melodic and beautiful so ... just finish it.”“I dunno. That’s your thing not mine.” Jared waited patiently, tapping the flower end of his pen on the table as he watched the wheels in Shannon’s head spin. Shannon wanted to do it. Jared knew he did, he just needed a little push.“How about you finish the song and I’ll think of the rest?”“I guess I can give it a shot.”Jared’s grin took over his face as he tossed the pen up into the air with a “yes,” then bent to pick it up. “Oh fuck.” A strangled groan escaped his throat as he paused in his bent-over position, hand automatically on his lower back, massaging the pain away.Shannon was on his knees instantly. “Back?” Not waiting for an answer, he rose and grabbed the bottle of tiny blue pills. “Fuck, Jay, this bottle is still full. Have you been taking them at all?”“I don’t like how they fuzz me out.”“You want one or two?”“I just told you ... none.”“One or two?” Shannon asked, firmer this time, looking Jared in the eye until his younger brother flinched and looked away.“One.”“Maybe we should name a song after your pills, then you’d remember to take them when you need them,” Shannon snorted.Jared snorted back. “Like that’s gonna help ... hey!”“I was kidding.”“No way. You said it so now you have to do it. Your song will be named after my fuzzy pills.”“You want me to name a song I haven’t written yet, Naproxen?”Jared snickered. “It would be a true mystery to everyone.”“Except they’ll start calling you a drug addict on top of everything else.”“Yeah. Maybe we can think of another name for it. We’ve got time. So do you wanna go to that drum place today? I can pencil you in.” He smiled widely as Shannon grimaced at him.“Naw. Let’s see how the day goes. Wanna watch the news?”“No, but you go ahead. Too much death and destruction for me.”I believe in nothingNot in peace and not in war“Okay. I’ll leave you alone then ... to create.” Shannon bent over and bussed the top of Jared’s head, startling when his brother’s hand came up to wrap around his neck, pulling him into Jared’s lap.“I never had a chance to return the favor this morning,” the younger Leto whispered, kissing Shannon’s cheek and looking intently into his eyes. “Want me to ...”“No, baby,” Shannon replied, fastening his mouth over his brother’s for a moment, then releasing. “When the song’s done, and you can bend over in the way I need you to bend over, you’ll owe me. I know you’re good for it ... and at it.”“Dirty birdie,” Jared snickered, kissing Shannon’s soft lips, then pushing him from his lap. “Be off with you now, oh-nasty-boy, let the master create.”“You’re so fucking weird,” Shannon said over his shoulder. “But I guess that’s why we get long so well.”“Ain’t that the truth,” Jared muttered under his breath, the pen in his hand suddenly coming to life. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”I believe in nothingBut the truth and who we are