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He often went to the roof above the kitchen when he couldn't sleep. Little relaxed him more than the knowledge that whatever shit he had to face, there was a sky, and nobody could take it away from him. But tonight was the first time Levi found someone else already there.It was the hottest night of the year so far. Mikasa Ackerman was lying on her back on his patch of tiles, propped up on her elbows, chin pointed up to the stars, eyes closed as the gentle breeze ruffled her hair. Her ODM gear, which she most definitely did not have clearance to use at night, was laid out neatly a few feet away along with all the leather buckles.One eye cracked open to glance at him as he landed beside her, and she sat up to give a salute, but otherwise did not seem bothered by his presence. Levi had come to know her personal brand of rule-breaking; less ‘fuck you’ than his, but with that same hint of ‘you need me more than I need you’."I could have your kidneys for this brat. Curfew is curfew." he drawled idly, shedding his gear in a few deft movements and crossing his arms."Any punishment you could give me would just count as extra training, Captain. No disrespect of course."The girl refused to be afraid of him. Even when they fought, there was not a flicker of fear in her eyes. He didn't want to admit that he admired that. Levi assumed a squat position a few feet from her." Can't sleep either? "Mikasa resumed reclining on the clay roof tiles. "It's too warm in there. A dozen bodies in one room.""Yeah, well if you wanted solitude then you should have picked a different spot. This one's reserved."There was silence for a minute. Levi unbuttoned his shirt and allowed the cool air to touch his bare skin. Between them was an unspoken understanding. Rank aside, they were equals. In strength, but also in weakness. The full moon reflected in Mikasa's eyes and made them glow, like liquid silver, but he tried not to notice."Does anything scare you?" Her question, spoken softly, nevertheless broke the spell."You what?" Levi rubbed his temples, snapping back to reality. The insubordinance of this kid was unbelievable. And yet, he found her presence... Comforting. More so than the presence of the open sky."Captain?" she prompted, her head cocked to one side as she observed him."What makes you think I want to talk? I come up here for a bit of peace." he retorted, but he couldn't quite bring himself to snarl.Mikasa hugged her knees to her chest, fiddling with her collar, and Levi noticed for the first time that she wasn't wearing that ratty old scarf. She must have been feeling the heat. "Well you haven't ordered me to leave you alone."Her gaze fell to her ankles. Levi's followed, and with a jolt he realised that under the long shirt, her legs were bare. There was dirt on the soles of her feet where she'd flown up, and his gaze lingered on the curious contrast of soft skin over stony calf muscle.She looked so naive. Like a girl, not a soldier. But she was brazen. Stubborn. Infuriating.And not quite as fast as him. He had a knee either side of hers and a hand on her throat in a second. Her eyes widened momentarily, but then she swallowed and met his gaze."I'm not afraid of you." she murmured.Levi felt something boiling inside of him. "You should be", he growled. "You've got no idea what I could do to you." And then he realised that he was looking at her lips as he said this last.Soft, pink lips that rounded into a little surprised 'O' as her cheeks flushed.This was not the first time they'd frozen with their bodies so close, with the air thick with tension between them and their breath shallow, but up here on the roof there was so much fresh air and so much clarity.No no no. He was not going to become aware of this now, when they were alone in the middle of the night. Not ever if he could help it."You're..." Mikasa swallowed. "You desire me. My body."Well, shit. Levi relaxed the hand at her throat as the wave of shame washed over him. He wanted the brat. But not like that. More than that. He didn't know. He flicked his eyes up to hers. "Doesn't that scare you?"She shook her head, lips pressed together. Looking down at her fingers which were twisting in a way that gave away her nerves, she took a deep breath and whispered, "take it, if you want."Oh, he did. But he was almost twice her age and she was quite possibly the strongest woman alive- although perhaps the least concerned about her own safety. She was far too important to the future of humanity to be interested in… him."I don't get it." Levi pulled away from her, scowling. "How can you be a competent soldier while being so damn stupid? Do you even know what you just offered me?""I'm not a child!" she spouted indignantly, her bulky shoulder muscles proving her point by rippling as she sat up straight once again."No, you're..." Levi ran his hands through his hair. His forehead felt sweaty, and it had nothing to do with the mugginess of the night. "You're brilliant. And I'm an angry lecherous old man and if you had even a shred of common sense you'd fight me the hell off." And then his lips were against hers and her back was against the roof tiles.She seemed to melt beneath him. Levi wedged one of his knees between hers, forcing them apart, and closed a fist around locks of her inky black hair."You've got no fucking clue, " he breathed as he broke the kiss, "how much I want you helpless under me. I could make you scream Ackerman, but not from pain, from pleasure." She shivered. He couldn't help but bring his mouth to her throat, and then her hand pushed gently on his chest and he knew he'd overstepped the mark.Levi sat up and moved away a bit to give her space to catch her breath." So do you hate me again now?" he chuckled dryly, half expecting her to slap him.Mikasa adjusted her nightshirt around her knees as she hugged them to her chest again. "No, just--not right now, you know?""I do." he made to gear up with the intention of leaving before she changed her mind and beat the shit out of him. Although he probably deserved it."Stay. Please." She whispered. And he did.It was finally cool now. He buttoned his shirt back up and sat next to her, not quite touching, the two of them staring into the sky. And finally he answered her question."I'm like you." Levi said softly. "I'm not scared of dying, but it scares me to think that I might not be able to protect them anymore."She nodded just once to show that she understood what he meant, and then they were silent again until thick raindrops started to land sluggishly on the tiles, at which point they both mumbled "goodnight" and retreated back inside.
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The next time they trained together, Mikasa was brutally pushing herself, as though trying to make up for that few seconds of being overpowered up on the roof two nights ago.Levi laughed mockingly whenever he managed to block her attack. He'd resolved to not make a move on her until she seemed more sure, so had to content himself with trying to infuriate her instead. But the more strength she showed, the more alluring she became. It was amazing that he'd not consciously registered admiring her physique and the burning passion on her face until now. Or how he lingered whenever he had her pressed against the wall or the ground, or in this case a tree trunk."What's the matter?" he taunted, wanting to see if he could goad her into fighting back even harder. "Are you trapped, little girl?"Mikasa smirked, and it caught him off guard- even more so a second later, when she pressed her mouth against his. It was enough for her to floor him in the dirt, knees pinned into his arms to prevent him pushing up.Levi snarled, trying to ignore the blood rushing below his belt. "Don't start something you can't finish, brat."Mikasa mimed digging a knife into his chest with a deadpan expression. "It is finished. I've won."Levi allowed himself the luxury of roaming his eyes over her thighs, up her hips and over her chest, before meeting her gaze. "I mean, I guess I'm not one to lecture about dirty tactics. Survival is about using every weapon you've got. But I think you should at least let me have one hand free.""Why's that?" she queried, but shifted one knee.In answer, he traced his fingers along the same path that his eyes had followed. Mikasa's eyes fluttered shut and she seemed to not be breathing. "I can tell you're a virgin", he murmured. "But you must have seen the way all the boys look at you. If you just want to fool around then why not any of them?" She was distracted enough now. Levi flipped them over with his free hand, and hovered a few inches over her. Mikasa's eyes were glassy as she stared over his shoulder at something he knew he wouldn't be able to see.It was several long seconds before she spoke. "All... All my life, I was either looked down on for my race, or put on a pedestal for being strong or pretty, But you acknowledged me as a rival on equal footing, Captain. Soldier to soldier. We're the same."His arousal had faded but there still some kind of warmth in Levi's stomach. She was right. Far too right.
From the moment he'd laid eyes on her, she was a force to be reckoned with. At first, her obvious disdain for him had been intriguing. His order that they train together three times a week, before the rest of the camp rose was partially to sharpen his own reflexes, and partly to see if he could break down her psyche and mould her into the perfect soldier. A grudging respect had grown between them. And with Eren protected by his squad, she was no longer weighed down by the kid and could truly blossom.
A warrior.There had been one night when Levi had awoken from a dream about ripping her clothes off and leaving his mark all over her, and the morning after he'd worked her into exhaustion, as punishment for intruding into his mind like that. But even trembling and with blood pouring from her nose and smeared across her face, she'd refused to give up, and a part of him had relished the hateful glare she'd given him, a punishment for his own dirty thoughts.Now, Levi dipped his head to her neck and nipped at the skin, creating a small bruise which he covered up by adjusting her scarf, just as the bell rang to signal breakfast.-That afternoon an abnormal was spotted two miles from the wall. A hand-picked few ventured out on horseback in an attempt to capture it alive- the plan was to herd it towards Hange's latest experiment, an enormous net of thick metal that was rolled up and fastened to the top of the wall. On the signal of a black flair, if would be released, and the men waiting below would secure it into the ground with what looked like sharpened boat anchors, trapping the titan in place.It almost worked. The abnormal was more interested in the horses than their riders, and so it was relatively easy to steer to the east where Hange's prototype was waiting to be deployed. The net itself was the perfect length, and the soldiers pinning it very nearly had time to cut the titan's arms off before the secondary restraints, rope as thick as Levi's torso, were put in place.One of them was swatted like a fly against the Wall by the monster's flailing hand, and the other was kicked from his horse and went rolling away until his screams stopped.Levi, who had been in charge of luring the ugly beast, made the judgement call that the soldiers' lives were more important than the test subject, and so made ready to switch to ODM and cut it the hell down. But Mikasa beat him to it.Her role in the operation had been to circle around the dozen or so riders and look out for any approaching titans, so she was furthest away from the action. But seemingly out of nowhere, she came hurtling through the air, blades aloft, and sliced through the abnormal's nape as though it was child's play. She was once again acting without waiting for orders. Against everything he'd tried to teach her.And she was beautiful.Levi wasted no words during the debrief. There was no point punishing her with stable duty or running laps. "I'm disappointed", was all he said, then dismissed her with a flick of his hand.Ignoring Hange's wailing at the failure of the experiment, he sloped off to clean himself. But the image of her soaring above him would not be scrubbed away.
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Levi did not go to the woods to train the next morning. He didn't care if Ackerman did or not. He glowered at anyone who looked his way during meals. It was hot again, disgustingly so. He splashed cold water on his face and neck but still felt dirty."No appetite?" Mike queried, in as many words as he would speak for the entire day.Levi grunted in response, pushing his stew away and exiting the mess hall. Once upon a time he'd have cut off his right arm for the prospect of three meals a day, but he was relieved to be away from dinner.He let his feet carry him up and down, thinking as he paced. After all this time, Levi still found it hard to be around so many people so often. It reminded him of the underground, of the filth and germs and vermin that came along with overcrowding.He realised that he'd come to a halt outside the female cadet dorm. He had no reason at all to be here, but somehow when he circled the room he knew exactly which bunk was hers, and he lingered there, straightening the pillow and grey blanket. That night he read for as long as he could, until the stifling air became too much and he escaped to his spot on the roof. The stars were obscured by thick grey cloud, and he willed the storm to come and settle the dust in the air.Levi didn't see Mikasa at all the next day. The only place she could be was the infirmary, and the thought twisted his gut, but he couldn't just waltz in there to check. Public appearance and all that.So he was relieved, if not surprised, when she joined him on the roof that night.Mikasa's right ankle was wrapped in a bandage. She'd injured it when she landed on the abnormal's shoulder, but had managed to conceal the injury until the evening, ashamed of herself."Serves you right", he grunted, but patted the tiles next to him, and they sat in comfortable silence watching the storm clouds roll in.When the rain finally came it was like he could breathe again after days of holding his breath. It was also incredibly heavy, and they were soaked before they could scramble inside."Come with me." Levi said quietly, on a whim, holding out his hand. Mikasa took it and allowed him to lead her to his quarters. "I haven't let anyone in for a long time," he said slowly and carefully, and he'd never been very good with words But Mikasa seemed to understand that he wasn't talking about the room.She circled it, taking in every detail, and seemingly oblivious to the fact that she was dripping a trail of water behind her. "Oi." Levi threw a towel at her as he closed the door, then peeled off his wet shirt.Mikasa trailed her finger over the spines of his books, the towel wrapped round her shoulders. He made tea on his small stove and observed her. Her childlike curiosity was, for want of a better word, endearing.Mikasa was shivering by now, and was grateful for the heat of the cup in her hands. She sat on his bed and asked, "Will you tell me about your past?"Levi sat next to her and sipped his tea, and then let it all flow. For years he hadn't spoken about any of it, but here was someone who'd had perhaps an equally messed up start to life, and who listened quietly. At some point she rested her head on his shoulder. Levi kept his voice low, and as he talked his hand unconsciously drifted to her hair and began to stroke it as he sunk deeper into the memories.When he tried to talk about his mother, a lump formed in his throat, and he glanced apologetically at Mikasa- and realised she'd fallen asleep. Gently he removed the empty teacup from her hands and set it down, then blew out the candle. He slept well that night, perhaps the best in years. He awoke to the birds singing, with his arms wrapped tight around Mikasa and his crotch pressed against her hip.She stirred and sat up. "It's dawn. We should train." she murmured."I've got a better idea", he replied, lifting her chin with a finger so he could study her face, her long lashes, the mark on her cheek from where it had been pressed against the pillow.He kissed her tenderly, and she kissed back. Her scent was surrounding him and it made him hungry; he was trying to stay gentle but he wanted to claim her as /his/.Levi brushed his hand over her chest, cupping one breast and squeezing slightly. Mikasa breathed in sharply, and he felt himself harden. He kissed harder, making quick work of her shirt buttons, then pulling back to take in the view as he slid the shoulders down. She was blushing, but she was biting her lip."Captain-""Say my name", he interrupted, shedding his trousers but keeping his lower half concealed under the bed sheets so as not to alarm her."Levi... Is it going to hurt?"He chuckled softly and pushed her down against the mattress. "Oh no. Not a bit. I'll make you feel good." This last murmured into her ear as he deftly yanked down her trousers. "See? Just here."His fingertips skated up her thigh and brushed over her pubic hair. She gasped. "I'll make it real good." He ran his tongue over her ear, and she shivered. "You ever cum before, Ackerman?"Her silence was enough of an answer, and he smirked before bringing his mouth to her chest, and stroking his thumb against her wetness. Her hips bucked in surprise as he brushed over her sweet spot. Levi flicked his tongue over one nipple, taking it between his teeth. His middle finger began to circle her entrance, teasing slowly while he worked his thumb on her.Mikasa made a pathetic mewling noise as he slipped his finger inside and located that second magical point. "See what I mean? That feels nice, doesn't it?" He ran his tongue over his top lip at the sight of her nodding and squeezing her eyes shut, unable to find words as she began to roll her hips against his hand."How about now?" He pushed a second finger inside, and it was almost enough to tip her over the edge. Her whimpers were growing louder so Levi covered her mouth with his free hand and said, "Go on. Let go."She thrashed and rolled her eyes back as she came, cries muffled against his hand, and fucking hell it was hot. He replaced his hand with his mouth, kissing feverishly as she came back down from her high, taking one of her hands and guiding it to his erection so that she knew what to expect before he slid himself into her.Mikasa's hands wandered to his back, moulding around the muscles. Levi tried to restrain himself but he could feel the animal instincts taking over, the urge to fuck. His nails left crescent moons on her thighs as he pushed her legs further apart so he could go deeper, faster, more.He knew he wouldn't last long, but she probably couldn't take much more anyway. His mouth went to her neck, her shoulder, her collarbone, nipping and sucking and tasting whatever he could, every one of her whimpers driving him closer to the edge."Mikasa." Levi growled her name. "I'm gonna cum." He pulled out at the last moment, a groan escaping his lips as he spilled over her stomach.There was a moment while they both caught their breath, and then Mikasa poked curiously at the substance on her stomach with one fingertip and pulled a face, and Levi lost it." What?" she demanded, but then started to giggle too.He laid down next to her and pulled her closer. It had been years since he'd laughed properly. And for once Levi didn't mind that his sheets were dirty."We need to get washed." he said at last. "You're filthy, go first. And then we need to train."
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It rained for four days straight.Adverse weather conditions were of course part of training, but there were only so many times you could take the gear out before it got rusty. The scouts ran, lifted weights, sparred with each other. Gambling rings started to resurface, as they always did when autumn crept in.Mikasa was rostered on laundry. It meant that she didn't really see anyone or anything, apart from mealtimes. At least she had Armin working alongside her as they scrubbed mud out of uniform after uniform. She had not made eye contact with the Captain.So she’d given herself to him. They were soldiers, it wasn’t going to lead to marriage and babies. She had no Father for him to ask permission anyway. But over the course of that day, Levi had seemed to fade back into his old restrained self. She wasn’t idiotic enough to think that she might have changed him, but it stung in the back of her throat when she realised that her vulnerability was being repaid with the rebuilding of walls.But maybe he wasn’t complexly woven after all. Maybe he was just a dirty minded runt with an attitude problem, and his apparent avoidance of her meant she didn’t have to deal with it right now.-“You’re due a medical anyway,” the white-coated nurse informed her as he finished removing the wrappings on her ankle. Mikasa allowed him to record her height and weight, listen to her heart, peer into her mouth. He asked about her appetite, any pain from old injuries, if she had monthly bleeds. “There’s a medicine to stop them, if you’d like. A lot of the women take it, although I must warn you we don’t know if it’ll affect your ability to have a family in the future.”She shrugged.“And what about the nightmares?”Mikasa blinked. “I don’t have nightmares.” She said flatly.The nurse looked to be in his mid fifties. He peered at her over the top of his magnifying glasses with an expression that was part concern, part sympathy. “Everyone gets them, after the first few months. I can give you tablets that-““I don’t have nightmares. I sleep fine.” She woke up in the middle of the night when someone was pinning her down and stabbing her in the abdomen, only this time the blood and the pain were real. She sighed as she stripped the sheet off her bunk and grabbed one of the thick woollen trouser-liners from the cupboard. The door creaked on its hinges, and Sasha stirred and mumbled something about beef.Maybe that medicine would be useful. But Mikasa refused to take anything, ever since she’d been drugged and woke up to find her mother lying dead beside her.She woke again at dawn, her body clock well trained to know that it was one of the mornings she would normally spend with Levi. The rain seemed to have finally stopped, but the previously barren ground was soaked, and there seemed to be a crack in the heel of her boot, so that by the time she reached their clearing her left foot was squelching unpleasantly.“You’re late.”The Captain was leaning against a tree with his arms crossed, not a trace of warmth on his face. He seemed to be looking through her rather than at her. “Today I’ll take the offensive role. I want you to deflect and try and hit back. Understood?”Mikasa nodded, gritting her teeth against the ache in her stomach.He went in with his fists, she blocked with her elbows. He circled her. She tried to pivot to face him and ended up tripping over her breaking boot. Mud splatted over her.“Try harder.” He hauled her by the shoulder back to her feet, then launched his attacks again, this time adding a flick of his foot to try and trip her up. She kept her weight on the balls of her feet, dodging nimbly, but she could feel herself growing dizzy.“Come on Ackerman.” He was taunting her again, but unlike last time, there was no trace of playfulness. “Where’s that anger? Where’s that fire?”Down she went again, and this time his boot connected with her stomach right where the pain was centred, leaving an imprint of the sole on her shirt. She stayed down.“Where’s the fighting spirit gone?”“Fuck you!” She sprang to her feet and shouted so loudly that birds took off from neighbouring trees in alarm. Levi looked at her, actually at her for the first time that day, and she could see the shock in his grey eyes.Tears were burning in her own eyes. From the cramps, it had to be.She turned and fled, skidding but staying upright. Her scarf got tangled in a low branch and whipped from her but she didn’t care, not now, because she needed to get away.Eren and Armin always saved a place for her at breakfast when she trained early. They looked shocked at the state of her as she burst into the mess hall and flopped on the bench between them. Mikasa opened her mouth to tell them she was fine, but something seemed to be obstructing the words, and then suddenly there was blackness. Fainting from heavy bleeding they said, or words to that effect, when she came round. Reluctantly, she lay on the bed with her feet propped up on several pillows while the nurse explained the bottle of tablets in scientific words she didn’t understand.She’d do it. She hated the idea, but if she was bleeding too much to be able to fight then she’d take the medicine.Mikasa was released an hour later and ordered to take it easy for the rest of the day, so she sloped unenthusiastically back to the dorm. Her bunk had been remade and her scarf was folded neatly on the pillow. She picked it up and wrapped it around her neck, then turned and strode purposefully from the room, deliberately ignoring the fact that one of the books she’d admired in Levi’s room had been placed on the pillow along with the scarf.
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She was just where he knew she’d be. Wrapped in her blanket, legs dangling off the edge, reading the book. She paid no attention to his landing. Levi took his time shedding his gear, running over the words he’d rehearsed in his head, but they were getting jumbled.“You’ve got every right to be pissed at me.” He said eventually. “Will you let me try and explain?”“Yeah.” She shrugged, still not looking at him.“I talked to the nurse when I heard some kid say you’d fainted. I’m sorry I hurt you. I pushed you too far. If I’d have known you were-““I’m a woman, not an invalid.”Levi chuckled for a second. Her sarcastic monotone was a perfect imitation of his. “The point is, I was riling you up because you fight so much harder when you’ve got something to fight for. And…” He realised that he was twisting his fingers together, the same way she had when she made that proposition. “I don’t want you to get too attached to me, Mikasa. I’m a shitty person, and you’ve got enough burdens. I don’t want to distract you from the ones you love.”It may not go down in the history of speeches, but he couldn’t exactly waltz into Erwin’s office and say hey, I violated boundaries with one of the newbies then pissed her off, can you help me unfuck the situation? So it’d have to do for now.Finally, Mikasa shuffled back from the edge of the roof and swivelled to look at him. Her face was impassive. Those big dark eyes seemed to bore right inside him.“There’s something else, isn’t there Captain?” she said quietly.Damn it.Levi began to pace. How could she read him so easily?Mikasa fiddled with the edge of her blanket. “You... you regret what we did together.”“Don’t be stupid.” He paused pacing to roll his eyes, then resumed. “Why, do you?”“No.” She curled in on herself. “Maybe. I liked it but I wouldn’t have done it if I knew you’d turn into a prick afterwards.”Levi fiddled with his cravat. “Do you like the book?” he was stalling for time and they both knew it. “That’s one of the ones that Erwin used. To teach me to read I mean.”Her eyes widened a little in surprise. “The Commander taught you?”“Yeah.” Levi stood still and counted silently to ten.“The nightmares.” He said at last. “Nobody talks about the bastards but we all get them. That’s why I hardly sleep. The pills don’t do shit for me. But when you were there I didn’t have any.”Her mouth formed that little ‘O’ shape again.“And I got scared.” Levi continued. “Because I don’t know what it is about you. I thought I knew all your tricks but you got one over on me.”Mikasa held out her hand. Levi squatted down to her level to take it.“So does that mean I’m forgiven?”She was looking at him as though seeing him for the first time. “I guess. But maybe you should consider being honest in the future, instead of playing it all stoic.”“Deal.” He shook her hand, then pressed her knuckles to his lips for good measure before asking hesitantly, “Would you sleep with me again sometime? I don’t mean like THAT, just…”Why was he being so bloody awkward?“Alright. If you tell me stories like before.”“Deal,” he said again, and this time she smiled and he smiled back, squeezing her hand.
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Mikasa didn’t normally pay much attention to what the other girls whispered about. Perhaps it was something to do with growing up around boys. But when the phrase “wasn’t in bed all night” drifted across the shower block, she nearly swallowed the lather that she was rinsing out of her hair.After a minute of baited breath, she was assured that she was not the subject of the gossip, and resumed her ablutions. Should she have told anyone about what happened between her and Captain Levi, almost two weeks ago now? Someone who could be trusted to keep a secret of course. Not for the first time, Mikasa wondered what it would be like to have a mother to confide in.No point dwelling on that. Instead, Mikasa let her mind wander to the memories of that morning. Did he want to do that again? Did she? On the one hand, she didn’t want anything- or anyone- distracting her from her purpose as a soldier. But on the other hand, the way it felt when…Curiously, Mikasa slid a hand down between her legs to see if she could find that sensitive part. This was something the girls had whispered about before, and at the time she couldn’t see the point of doing it. Had any of them managed to experience that feeling?Mikasa yelped as the water ran suddenly cold, signalling that her four minutes in the shower were up. --Eren was angry about something. That was nothing unusual, but what definitely was was the slight smirk on Armin’s face.“What’s up?” Mikasa slid on to the bench opposite them with her lunch tray.“Nothing,” Eren growled, as Armin started to speak. Mikasa raised one eyebrow at Armin, who raised one back in a “tell you later” way.All became clear about ten minutes later when Jean entered the mess hall, laughing loudly at something, with some of the more senior Scouts. Eren turned scarlet and mumbled “see you on the field”, then made a quick exit. Mikasa turned expectantly to Armin.“Jean was throwing his weight around this morning, talking about manhood”. Armin explained. “You know, growth spurts, chest hair, getting a deeper voice. And how those changes are affecting some of us quicker than others, namely Eren.”“Ah.” Mikasa finished her soup and pushed the bowl away. “Well its not just him, you and Connie are both tiny still.”“True, but we don’t take the bait the way Eren does. He’s always been desperate to prove himself, hasn’t he? So now the older ones-“ Armin gestured to the lads with Jean- “have made some big game out of it all.”Mikasa tutted, then with a scrape of the bench she stood and strode over to the group. They all stopped their conversation to look at her, Armin hovering behind.“Boys. Please be nice to my little brother. Unless you want to go one-on-one with me.”Jean turned red and immediately started babbling an apology, but one of the older boys- a redhead who’s name escaped Mikasa- elbowed him.“Don’t worry Ackerman, we’ll lay off him. But maybe you could help out here. On behalf of the female scouts, who do you think the real men are here? Aside from the ancients, of course.” He waggled his eyebrows.One of the other soldiers sniggered.“You’re all children.” she answered, and turned to go.A foot stuck out to trip her up, but Mikasa was several steps ahead and one hand had reached behind her to grab the offender’s collar and pull. He went sprawling across the tiles.“I told you the pretty ones are the craziest!”Several things happened at once. Armin made a grab for her sleeve to try and stop her from retaliating. The redhead made a noise liked a spooked cow and jumped into a salute. A bowl of soup went clattering to the ground as Jean shoved his elbow into the ribs of the one who made the comment. And Levi was suddenly standing in front of them, tapping his foot and crossing his arms disapprovingly.“Captain!”“Stand down, Alert. You, on the floor, get up and get cleaning. The rest of you get your asses onto the field and don’t stop running laps until your brains are shook back into place. And as for you, Ackerman-“ Levi looked her up and down- “you might think it funny to have all the boys fighting over you, but the Survey Corps is no laughing matter. My office when drills are finished for the day. Don’t be late.”He turned on his heel and was gone. Mikasa and Armin exchanged a look, then hurried out to find Eren. --Levi was pacing up and down. He hated the habit, but he couldn’t possibly stand still when his mind was moving so fast. It wasn’t unusual to see the youngsters squaring up to each other. Tempers and hormones ran high- he remembered being a brat of fifteen. And he hadn’t been remotely concerned for Mikasa when he saw her go over to them; she could hold her own. In fact, he’d been tempted to watch it all play out until someone else broke it up, but that one comment had really pissed him off.I told you the pretty ones are the craziest’.Yes, he’d seen men leering at Mikasa on numerous occasions, and told himself that his annoyance was at their slavery to their basal desires, nothing else. But hearing it was different.Mikasa was not only one of the strongest soldiers they had, she was also one of the bravest, and one of the most loyal. None of those snot-nosed jerks had a right to refer to her as the pretty one.A knock at the door signalled her arrival. He opened it to let her in and gestured to the wooden chair at his desk. She sat on the desk itself instead. “Am I in trouble then?”Levi sighed heavily as he poured two cups of tea. “You can’t be so obvious. If that’d been one of the other vets breaking you up, then you might have been written up. Although it’s pretty obvious that those shits needed teaching a lesson.”He came over to the desk with the two cups of tea and sunk down into the chair.“Your boot is broken.” He realised.Mikasa put her left foot up on her right thigh and poked at the split in the sole. “I’ve submitted a request to Supplies, but it’s going to take a while apparently.”“You shouldn’t be wearing those filthy things in my room anyway.” Levi pulled her boots off and threw them in the corner by the door. Mikasa put her feet in his lap.“Apologies Captain.” She smirked.“Yeah, well you can make it up by sleeping here tonight. And yes that’s an order from your superior.”Mikasa sipped her tea for a minute, and then suddenly her eyes went wide and she grinned.“You got jealous!”“You what?”She poked him in the chest with her toes. “Admit it. You didn’t like hearing someone else talk about me that way.”“I will admit nothing of the sort. Don’t flatter yourself Ackerman.” He was glowering at her. But she was probably right.She laughed and set her cup down before sliding into his lap.This kiss was different. Bolder. She was a little clumsy, but confident. Levi’s hands found her hips and squeezed. He wasn’t sure if he liked it like this, or if he wanted to take control. But then it was over and she slid off his lap.“I’d better get back. I’ll come back after dark.” Mikasa was putting her boots back on and adjusting her scarf.“Whatever. Dismissed.” But as he watched her leave, Levi bit his lower lip in anticipation.And then the air was filled with the clanging of bells.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“What’s going on?” Mikasa yelled over the noise of the bells as she skidded into the dorm.“I don’t know but I’m scared!” Krista shouted back.It wasn’t a titan attack, that was for certain. The bells were used to warn the camp of other dangers such as fire, or to mobilise the soldiers for a civilian emergency. The procedure was to gear up and assemble on the training field as fast as possible, to await further instructions.Mikasa finished buckling on her gear, grabbed the frightened Krista by the hand, and pulled her outside. She scanned the crowd for Eren and Armin, but could see neither.The squad leaders began taking role calls. They kept glancing over their shoulders towards the woods.After a wait of about ten minutes, two horses emerged from the trees. Mikasa shielded her eyes against the vivid amber sunset to catch a glimpse of the riders- Commander Erwin, and- Armin.“Soldiers!” Erwin bellowed as they drew near. The rows of scouts snapped to salute. “We have among us a weapon like no other. You have all heard of this, but now it is time to see it with your own eyes.” He drew a flair from under his cloak and fired green smoke into the air. “Comrades, the Fifty-Seventh Scout Regiment expedition beyond Wall Maria will take place in one month.”There was a smattering of surprised murmurs- but a moment later there was a flash of red light in the distance, and the surprise of many seemed to turn to alarm. But Mikasa knew what it meant.“It is my honour to present our unique strength; Eren Jeager.”From somewhere in the woods, Eren’s titan was climbing to its feet, clearly visible over the tops of the trees. The new recruits had seen it before of course- but a couple of the veterans instinctively reached for their blades at the sight of a titan.Mikasa was only half-listening to Erwin’s ensuing speech. She was trying to catch Armin’s eye, but he was staring nervously down at the ground. Why had she not been kept updated on the progress of Eren and Hange’s experiments? Armin had been involved to some extent, but she had no idea that he was acting as messenger for the Commader himself.There was excited chatter as the crowd was dismissed. Mikasa waited for everybody to disperse, then jogged to catch up with Armin, who was making to ride back into the woods. “Hey!”Armin beamed at her. “Isn’t it great, Mikasa! Humanity is ready to venture beyond the Wall again!”“Yeah, great. But why did neither of you tell me the experiments were finished?”Armin’s face fell. “The Commander told me that he’d be making an announcement by the end of the week, but I had to swear to keep that quiet. And-“ he swallowed and looked apologetic.“Well?”“And Eren didn’t want you around while working with Hange. He said that… well, that you’re far too protective and you’d just get in the way.”Mikasa turned on her heel and strode back towards camp, ignoring whatever well-meant words Armin was calling to her. She lay in her bunk feeling dejected until she was sure everyone else was asleep, then made her way to Levi’s room and knocked."Enter." He was sitting at the desk writing something, and didn't look up as he said, “One month until we go out. You excited?”She made a noncommittal grunting noise. Levi looked up from his writing and raised an eyebrow at her.“Something the matter?”Mikasa sat herself on the edge of the bed behind him and relayed the conversation with Armin. When she’d finished, Levi spoke without looking up from his writing.“If you want to do your duty as a soldier then you need to get rid of the idea of family privilege. This is war, and the experiments are classified.”Mikasa felt suddenly sheepish. “You’re right. What are you writing anyway?” she hastily changed the subject.Levi set down his pen and twisted in the chair to look at her, letting out a “hmph” noise.“I have a reputation in the capital. The ladies hear stories of my dashing bravery.” His voice dripped with sarcasm. “Every now and then I get an invitation to an audience with some noble who’d be honoured to bear my children despite my lowly status. I have to go into the civilian world tomorrow so I may as well send off this polite declination.” He gestured at the parchment like it was a dead rat.“They obviously haven’t heard about you being a short-ass then.” Mikasa snorted.“You’re a moody brat tonight.” Levi rose from the chair and Mikasa found herself pinned back against the bed, his lips at her ear. “Need some help burning off that stress?”She felt a warm tingle travel down her body, but she shook her head. “Not right now.”“That’s fine.” He took off his belt and shirt and settled next to her on the bed.“Why are you leaving camp tomorrow?” Mikasa asked him.Levi sighed. “It’s Sunday tomorrow. Us middle-rankers are entitled to a bit of outside leave on one rest day each month, and Erwin’s actually ordered me to go this time.”“Oh.” Mikasa made herself more comfortable on the bed. Curiously, she reached her hand out to Levi’s chest and drew her fingers over the prominent muscles. “I reserve the right to change my mind, right?” she asked, a little nervously.“Huh?” Levi looked down at her hand. “Oh right. Yeah you do.”She trailed her fingers a little lower, enjoying the way his skin felt, but then withdrew shyly and turned over so her back was to him. “Tell me about your first expedition,” she requested.“Beyond the walls? Nah. It’ll make you scared to go.”“Like hell it will.” She huffed.“Another time.” Levi draped an arm around her. “Why don’t you tell me about something this time?”So she recounted what she could remember of her family’s history, in the snippets of songs that her mother would sing and the stories she’d tell about how to world came to be. She didn’t care if there was truth to it or not, but she took comfort in the old legends.“The mark on the back of your wrist.” Levi murmured. “Is that a family heirloom too?”Mikasa sub-consciously touched the scarred pattern. “I don’t normally let anyone see it. My mother’s family were still persecuted, even though we didn’t know why.”“Maybe some us are just born cursed,” he said quietly. Mikasa didn’t respond, but lay thinking and remembering, and Levi’s breathing became slower and deeper as sleep claimed him.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Mikasa woke alone. Momentarily disoriented, she sat up and pushed her hair out of her face. She was in the Captain’s room. There was a scrap of paper on top of the chest of drawers next to her.
Come back tonight.
Although there were no drills on Sundays, and use of ODM gear was unauthorised, many of the soldiers chose to train. Those assigned to kitchen duty and supplies still had to work too. Eren was chopping firewood when Mikasa found him, and she immediately picked up an axe and joined him. “Hey.”“Hey”. His arms were shaking a little, but he was trying desperately to hide it.“They should have let you rest today. You must have been working so hard this last few weeks.”“I’m fine. Stop fussing.” But Eren’s teeth were gritted.“Eren.” Mikasa placed her hand over his. “I understand. We’re allowed secrets.”They made eye contact for the first time in several days. Finally, Eren cracked a smile. “You seem different. But not in a bad way.”“Yeah, well I learned recently that being a strong soldier means learning to admit when you’re wrong.” - After lunch, Mikasa ran. As long as they didn’t go to the wall or try and pass the checkpoints, the soldiers had free reign of the land surrounding the camp, and she went across the field and through the woods before stopping to catch her breath. In the absence of flying, running was the best way to clear her head. She ran until her mind emptied and her feet took over, following the path they chose, and ended up back at Levi’s quarters. She was lying across the bed engrossed in a book when Levi entered, a large duffel bag over his shoulder. “Don’t you have anywhere better to be?” he asked, but the corner of his mouth was twitched upwards. He dropped the bag down on the bed next to her and set about removing his boots and cloak.“Had fun?” Mikasa asked, marking her page carefully as she sat up.Levi snorted. “Ran into an old acquaintance. Lucky for me he only needed a warning. Would be a shame to get blood on my nice civvy clothes.”“You’ve killed people before, haven’t you?” It wasn’t a question.“All the more reason to be afraid of me.”Mikasa tucked her knees into her chest. “Well I did too. So maybe we’re both bad people.”“Humans create systems of morality so they can feel better about their shitty decisions.” Levi was taking little square tins out of the bag and stacking them neatly on his shelf. Mikasa sensed that he wanted her to change the subject. “That’s a lot of tea.” she commented. “They give me gold for my services. I have no use for gold, but I have use for tea. Oh, yeah.” Levi fished something- two things- out of the bag and threw them at her. “There you go.”“New boots.” Mikasa inspected them. They were indeed new, still stiff and shiny. “Why?”“Gold makes the supply chains move faster. And you’re on track to be my right hand man, so I need you to be able to stay standing up.”Mikasa wasn’t quite sure what to say. “Thank you.” was what she ended up on, but it didn’t seem to cut it. Luckily this was Levi, and words weren’t that important to him.“We train even harder tomorrow. You can wear them in, and I can clear my head.” He was looking deliberately at the things he was putting away, but she could see that his cheeks were tinged with pink. The Captain being bashful. Who ever could have imagined it.She’d grown to be able to interpret his silences somewhat. “ Levi. Come here.”“Mm?” He turned to look at her, and she snaked her arms around his waist to bring him in for a hug. He tensed momentarily, then relaxed and leaned slightly against her. But then he grimaced and pushed her away. “You’re filthy. You need a bath.”Mikasa rolled her eyes. “Back to your usual self then I see.” Levi wasn’t joking around as it turned out. He disappeared and returned with one of the big metal tubs that the laundry was washed in, and proceeded to fill it laboriously with kettle after kettle of water boiled on his small stove. “Clothes off.” He ordered.Mikasa felt her cheeks burn. He’d seen most of it already, but this was the first time she’d undressed in front of a man. She swallowed her nerves and obeyed his order, not breaking eye contact. “You too?” She asked, biting her lip.“Get in first.”Mikasa felt a bit stupid as she stepped into the tub and sat down. The water reached to just below her breasts. But it was hot, and she could feel the warmth seeping into her overworked muscles. She leaned back as much as she could. “I suppose you can fit in here fine.” she joked, but the last word caught in her throat a little when she realised that Levi was stripping off. Her eyes roamed his body, watching the muscles ripple as he reached up into his cupboard and grabbed soap and washcloths, before coming to kneel behind her. “I’ve got plans for you, so you need to be clean.” He kissed the back of her neck and she shivered, feeling that tingling sensation again. And then he began to scrub her shoulders roughly. “Hey!” Mikasa protested, pulling away, but he had the strength advantage right now so she knew resistance was futile. “What’s all this for?” she asked as Levi’s hands worked their way around her front.He took his time before answering, giving her elbows a particularly hard scrub. “I guess, if we weren’t in the military, then there might be some sort of courting ritual. But we are, so…” Mikasa had never given a thought to what their… companionship? Alliance seemed like a better word. To what it would be like if she was becoming a woman in the civilian world. The Military was all she knew.Levi cleaned each of her feet in turn, then her knees, and then the washcloth slid between her legs, gliding over the skin of her thighs. Mikasa closed her eyes, aware of the tension in her. Levi’s breath on the back of her neck was warm as the fabric brushed her crotch. “Levi,” she breathed, feeling a tingling deep inside. “I want…”“Mm?” He let the cloth drop and dragged his fingers over her crotch, and then upwards, pinching a nipple that she didn’t even realise was hard. “What do you want? Tell me Mikasa.”“I want you to touch me.” she gasped.“Patience. I need to get clean too. ” Suddenly his touch was gone. Mikasa opened her eyes. Levi handed her one of his towels. She stood up and stepped out of the tub, drying herself off and then grabbing the blanket from the bed and wrapping herself up.Levi took his turn in the tub, and she watched as he cleaned himself in a methodical, almost meditative manner. When he rose, she could see his naked form fully, and as he stepped towards her she reached out and brushed her fingers against his cock, which twitched. Levi placed his hands on her shoulders and pushed the blanket away, capturing her mouth. Her hand moulded around his erection and stroked experimentally. His hand covered hers and guided it, catching her bottom lip between his teeth. Mikasa could feel that urgent need for something trickling through her veins again. She whimpered when he ran his tongue over her collarbone. He smirked and slid down her body until he was kneeling on the floor at the end of the bed, gripping her hips to pull her closer. Levi placed a kiss on the arch of her foot, then trailed his mouth slowly up the inside of her leg.Mikasa pushed herself up to look at him. “What are you doing?"Taking my time,” he responded, dragging a fingernail lazily up her thigh. She flinched, but it wasn’t an unpleasant sensation. Levi repeated the movement, watching her intently as his other hand stroked his erection. Mikasa felt like cornered prey, impatient to be devoured.As if he could read her thoughts, Levi pushed her thighs farther apart and-“Ah!” She squealed in surprise at the sensation of his tongue pushing between her labia, jerking away- but he gripped her thighs to keep her close and grinned up at her.“You’ll like it, trust me. Just relax.”She obeyed, laying back down and closing her eyes. But the feeling of his tongue moving slowly and softly against her was stoking the fire within, and she found herself biting her lip and threading her fingers into his hair. Levi began to increase his speed and Mikasa felt a whimper escape her lips, and then another. The pleasure was fast becoming overwhelming, even more so than last time with his fingers. Once again her hips began to twitch involuntarily as she grew closer to that release. He responded by increasing pressure and she lost control, tugging at his hair as wave after wave of pleasure washed over her.Levi kept going until her whole body was quivering and her moans had grown hoarse, then climbed back onto the bed and positioned himself over her. “Turn over”, he practically purred. Mikasa obliged, rolling onto her stomach.It was a vulnerable position to be in, Levi’s whole body weight pressing against her as he buried himself deep inside her. But they were still equal, still balanced; because he too was vulnerable right now, sighing her name, his hands gripping her as though he were holding on for his very life. Both of them were naked in more ways than one. Exposed. Raw. And there was a word for it, the way their bodies and minds were in sync and the way they were simultaneously so free, yet so irrevocably entwined, ensnared. But she knew he would not say it. And neither would she.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Drilling stepped up another notch. The cadets hadn’t exactly had it easy up until now; but the new level of training, in preparation for the expedition, was pushing them to their limits.Some nights Mikasa would barely make it to her bunk before crashing out. Other times she’d wait up long enough to sneak to Levi’s room, but they didn’t even talk much, let alone touch. He wouldn’t say it of course, but the intensity of preparations was exhausting him too,She was there one night, about a week before the expedition, when a knock at door awoke them both. Mikasa pretended to still be sleeping, trying to swallow her panic.Levi slipped out of the bed and opened the door just a crack.“Apologies for disturbing you so late.” It was Erwin. Mikasa held her breath,“Commander. Do what to I owe the pleasure?”“This.” There was a rustling of parchment. Mikasa heard Levi fumble for a candle.“So you finalised the formation, huh?”“I want you to memorise this Levi. And then burn it. The information I’m trusting you with is beyond classified.”“Got it.” There was a pause. “So you’re pretty sure then, Erwin? Because this looks like a lot of lives to risk on a hunch.”“I’ve calculated the risks. Do you doubt me, Levi?”Levi snorted. “It’d be a bit late to start now.”“Then I wish you good night.”The door closed. Levi paced up and down the room a few times before sitting down at the desk.It was at least an hour before he came back to bed. -- “I suppose you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you here today.” Hange was bouncing on the balls of their feet and rubbing their hands together in glee.Mikasa looked around. Herself, Eren, Armin, Jean and the members of Squads Hange and Levi- although not Levi himself- were sitting on one of the long tables in the mess hall, after breakfast.“There are actually two reasons. Firstly, this exercise will test how well some of our new talent will work with the veterans. And secondly, we’re going to catch another titan!”A few groans arose from the older soldiers. Jean, sitting next to her, went pale, and Mikasa realised that he was probably the only one out of the group who hadn’t yet been beyond the wall- she knew Eren and Armin had ventured out a few days ago for more experiments. She put a hand over Jean’s under the table as reassurance, and his face turned from pale green to bright pink. “This won’t work.” Armin muttered to her as they waited on top of the wall for the horse lift.“Hmm?”“The plan. It’s completely flawed. There’s no way Hange doesn’t realise that. I think we’ve been set up to fail.”Mikasa glanced to their left, where Eld and Gunther were leading their horses onto the lift. “Do you think the vets are all in on it then?”“Quite possibly. I’m certain we’re being tested.” Once down on the ground, they split into threes as per Hange’s strategy, two vets to each greenhorn. Mikasa was with Moblit and Petra, the latter carrying one of the Titan-trapping nets- except there was no way that roll of knotted wire was big enough to cover a Titan. More like human-sized.So Mikasa wasn’t at all surprised when she was knocked off her horse. Her sharp reflexes bought her time to tuck her limbs in and avoid breaking bones, but that meant she wasn’t able to fight back.“Sorry!” Petra was yelling cheerfully. “But we’ll need to take your blades too!” Lying on the grass under the weight of the net, Mikasa watched as Moblit tied her horse to the saddle of his, while Petra reached down to pull her blades out of the holsters and secure them in her own. And then they were gone. It took perhaps fifteen minutes to free herself- although heavy, the net wasn’t secured down apart from by the anchor-like metal spikes at its corners. Mikasa’s knuckles were bloody with scratches, but she was otherwise unscathed, and she still had her ODM gear. No weapons though. And this was Titan territory.Her jog became a run, became a sprint, as she realised just how far from the wall she was. Occasionally there were trees that she could use to get airborne, but not enough. Surely the vets were out there making sure no Titans came close? Surely lives weren’t being put at risk just to test her?As she drew nearer to the wall, she spotted horses and green cloaks. Jean and Armin, the squad leaders. No Eren.“Congratulations!” Hange beamed. “We knew you’d handle everything well so we took you a bit further away, these two have been back a little while.” Jean was sporting a bloody nose. Armin looked unhurt, but his cloak was torn.“Where’s Eren?” she demanded.“Just taking a bit longer. Everything’s going according to plan.”
Yeah right.
“Armin, I need your horse.” Mikasa instructed. “Someone give me blades.”Jean looked sheepishly at the ground. “We were instructed not to help you if you wanted to go back out-““It’s not your help I need.” She deftly grabbed the single blade that was left in his holster and swung herself up onto Armin’s horse.“Mikasa!” Hange was calling. “There are other soldiers out there. You don’t need to-“But she wasn’t listening. She was already building up speed. Too much speed, because the trees were coming out of nowhere and the horse wouldn’t veer to the side, no matter how hard she-Something swung at her out of a tree and she was once again thrown off the horse, but this time she was unprepared and she hit the ground before she could draw her weapon. She heard her skull crack against the ground and felt the something land beside her. “Sorry brat.” Levi said dryly as she passed out. -- “So it was all part of the plan.”“Yeah. I was taken back almost as soon as you guys went ahead.” Eren was sitting next to her hospital bed, as was Armin. “Hange said we needed to be able to predict your actions if you thought I was in immediate danger during the expedition.”“And you failed.” Captain Levi was leaning against the wall across the room. “You didn’t trust the judgement of your superiors. And if I hadn’t been there to intercept, you would have gone head first into a Titan’s mouth.”Mikasa stared determinedly at her hands. “You two, leave us a moment.”She heard Armin and Eren leave the room, and Levi sink down into one of the chairs. “I didn’t mean to knock you out. But I’d spotted a Titan in the distance by then and we needed to clear out.”She didn’t say anything.“Why did you go back, Mikasa? Why do you put yourself in harm’s way again and again? You don’t have to be a hero.” His voice was quiet, but strained with anger, or something else.“We’re soldiers.” She retorted.“So die in battle. Not in a fucking rehearsal. Make it count.” There was heavy silence for a minute.“We can’t do this anymore, can we?” Mikasa spoke quietly. “Us. Whatever it is.”“You’re right.” He stood and turned his back to her. “We’re both losing sight of what’s important here. We can’t afford to get distracted this close to the expedition.”Levi didn’t look at her again.“You should go Captain.”He did.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The nights before expeditions always had the same atmosphere. Nobody drank much, for fear of a bad head in the morning, but most of the soldiers shared a few drinks in solidarity with one another, just in case it was the last time, although nobody said this. A few stayed up obsessively cleaning and fiddling with their gear. Many waited until lights out then tiptoed through the corridors in search of one another’s beds, of the kind of comfort that could not be sought through words or with the lights on.Levi sat on the edge of Erwin’s desk as they ran through strategy in low voices, over and over until the words stopped sounding that way and became static. It was a ritual for them by now. He stayed there until Erwin dozed in his desk chair, still clutching his notes, then quietly made his way to his own room.Even without the looming expedition, Levi anticipated nightmares, or no sleep at all. But the moment he closed his eyes he could see her. Standing in front of him, smiling. She looked different, less gaunt, more… Radiant. The white civilian dress showed a definite roundness to her belly as well her cheeks. She reached out to take his hand–he could see the scarred pattern on her wrist–and laid it over her stomach. It felt so real. He spread his fingers. Then an enormous hand grabbed her, squeezing and gripping so tight that she burst like a soap bubble, still smiling at him even as her blood splattered all over him and her guts dripped down to the ground.Levi awoke retching, the tangled sheets matted to his skin. It was just before dawn. He ran to the showers and scrubbed extra hard, trying to drown them dream, to wash it all away. He could not make himself feel clean. But he didn’t dwell on it for much longer, because a few hours later they went beyond the wall, and then everything changed. -- Shame. She couldn’t just feel it, she could smell it. Mikasa kept her eyes down as the cart rolled over cobbled streets, inhaling the scent of blood and dust and shame.Behind her, Eren stirred and sat up, looking around at the civilian faces. It must be worse for him-she remembered him as a child, tiptoeing to marvel at his heroes. What heroes they were. Someone in front of them vomited and slumped sideways, almost falling of their horse.Mikasa didn’t cry, and certainly not in public. But her eyes were burning and they watered as she blinked. Her head throbbed dully. When they got back to camp, she saw Eren and Armin to the infirmary and then hung around to help out. She was carrying an armful of dirty bandages outside to burn when Moblit caught her. “Commander Erwin is ready to debrief with you now.”Confused, Mikasa handed him the bandages and made her way to Erwin’s office, suddenly aware that she was very dirty. She was probably in trouble. A lot of it.The Commander looked the same as ever; not like a man who’d just suffered a massive defeat. He greeted her calmly and asked for her account of the Female Titan encounter. Mikasa told him everything. Once or twice the Commander’s eyebrows moved, but he said nothing until she was finished. Then he smiled.“Ackerman, I’ve heard many things about you, and I now believe them to be true. Aside from your combat abilities, you have an instinct that few possess. I can’t deny that your attitude towards authority has room for improvement. But I do believe your skills will be vital to our cause in the coming months. You are dismissed, but your presence at the strategy meeting tomorrow evening is encouraged.”“Sir.” She saluted. Mikasa hadn’t seen Levi since they’d come back. He sat at the table as nonchalantly as usual, but somehow she could tell that he was in pain and concealing it. She thought back to their attack on the Female Titan- he could easily have been injured. She remembered too, the look in his eyes as he’d realised that once again, she’d put her life on the line for Eren’s. We all get that you love him, but try not to do anything stupid. As the meeting ended and they began to file out, Mikasa caught up with Levi and tapped him on the shoulder. He hung back until they were alone in the room, and gestured for her to help him gather up the teacups.“I’m sorry.” she said quietly as she stacked the tray. “You lost your whole squad. And you got injured because of me.”He looked up sharply. “I didn’t realise you knew.”“I can just sort of… Tell.”“That sounds like bullshit. But I can tell that you’re hurting too. Headache?”She nodded. “Your leg, right?”He nodded too. “Help me take these back to my room.” Mikasa followed him in silence. Smart clothes were laid out on his bed- they looked too big for him. Perhaps they’d previously been Erwin’s. “So you trust Armin’s theory?” He asked her, closing the door. Mikasa nodded. “It’s hard to believe. But I never liked Annie- the girl who’s the suspect. She acted like she was completely different to us. I guess she is.” Levi dropped into his desk chair. “Shit’s going to get ugly in the capital, I can just feel it. And I won’t be around to help, or this-” he gestured at his leg- “won’t heal right and I’ll never be back to normal. So you’re going to need to be on top form. Remember everything I’ve taught you. And be prepared to do things you might regret.” “I will.” There was a pause. “I saw Petra’s father- were you two ever-?” “Nah.” Levi smiled dryly. “Not like that. We were close, but not… " “You mean like me and Eren.” she clarified. “Yeah.” There was quiet for a minute, a snippet of calm in the middle of a storm, or a war. “I should go. Goodnight.” Mikasa turned to leave. “Remember what I said, Ackerman.” “I will.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
He fucking hated being incapacitated. After running out of questions to ask Pastor Nick, Levi kept watch over the crystallised shifter girl and waited for news. Titans appearing from nowhere. A possible Wall breach. Attempted evacuation of the Underground.Three days after Stohess, Levi felt a sudden crushing pain in his chest, as though someone were reaching inside him and squeezing his rib cage. He put it down to breathing in something nasty from the old dungeon, and went upstairs to get some fresh air- just in time to see the wounded and unconscious commander being lifted from the back of a wagon on to a stretcher. And thereafter he forgot all about the Titan crystal, and instead took up vigil by Erwin’s bedside.
“Come in.”
“You wanted to see me, commander? ’
It was two days after his first expedition. Levi had been summoned to Erwin’s office. The man sat at his desk with two envelopes in front of him.
"Take a seat, Levi.” Erwin gestured for him to sit. “I’ve been writing the official condolences, but we have no written record of where to reach Isabel and Farlan’s next of kin. I thought you might know.”
Levi shrugged. “It was just the three of us. Nobody else.”
“Then I suppose these are yours.” Erwin slid the two envelopes across the desk towards him.
“No point.”
“And why would that be, Levi?”
He breathed out slowly and heavily, looking down at the floor. “Because I can’t read.”
He waited for the laughter. But instead there was an order. “Bring that chair round next to mine.”
Levi obeyed. Erwin was selecting a book from his large shelf. Sitting back down, he placed the book on the desk in front of them, as well as a stick of charcoal and a piece of parchment.
“Open the book Levi, and look at the first page.”
Again he obeyed, although he wasn’t sure why.
“The first word there has six letters. We can try and do them all today, but your target will realistically be three a day. Its best not to try and rush. By the time we’ve done all the letters you should be able to make plenty of words. Then I’ll start having you read aloud to me for a few minutes each day. Understood?”
“Yeah.”
It took him almost a year to be able to read the condolence letters. But by then he could write somewhat too, and he was able to write his own versions to his dead friends, which he burned along with the originals.
“You should rest.” Hange told him.“I’m fine.” Levi grunted in response. He was used to having little sleep, and his leg was much better, but there were still dull stabs of pain in his ribs every couple of hours.“I have a report.” Hange pulled the other chair in the room-with a noisy scrape- up to Erwin’s bedside- “and you’re not going to like it.”Levi sat and listened and felt his blood run colder and colder. There was compelling evidence that all Titans began as human. The thought made him feel sick. But it wasn’t as though his hands hadn’t already been stained with human blood, long before his first Titan kill.“And what of Eren and Historia, the Royal girl?” Erwin was asking.“Currently hidden well in a safe location. But the Survey Corps is practically in open rebellion against the State. We don’t have the skills needed to operate as fugitives and evade threats from human enemies.”Erwin's face broke into a smile. “Well Levi, sounds as though we have a new assignment for you.”--- “How’s your leg?”“Not too bad, I can move it properly now. How are your ribs?” ““Not really troubling me anymore. But we are fugitives from the military police and are about to kidnap some civilians. I thought we were on humanity’s side. That's kind of troubling me.”“Shut your mouth and concentrate, brat.”“Yes sir.”Last time they’d worked together, they’d been about ready to slit each other’s throats, but now they seemed much more in tune. Of course, the irony was not lost on Levi- here they were, crouching on a rooftop together, speaking in low voices. Except this time it was broad daylight, and they were fully armed.Levi watched the merchant enter the warehouse, then gave the signal.–--Mikasa woke from a nightmare in which she was being pushed repeatedly off the top of the Wall. It was the early hours of the morning now, and she could still hear periodic screams from down below. Only the day before, she and Levi had worked as a seamless team to dispatch with Reeves’ subordinates and free Jean and Armin, almost able to communicate without words their intentions to one another. And now he was torturing someone downstairs.Levi’s words about choices with regrets floated through her mind. So did Armin’s: we’re not good people anymore.Mikasa sighed, and rearranged the moth-eaten blanket. Exhaustion was just about to finally claim her when a messenger from Erwin arrived.They were going to overthrow the monarchy and crown Historia as Queen. Mikasa swore silently to herself, there and then, that she’d stop questioning what it meant to be good or bad, wrong or right. The only side to pick was the one that guaranteed survival of the ones she cared about. So the very next day, when she watched both Armin and Levi murder someone, she didn’t bat an eyelid.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Ackerman.“So I guess that means we’re related somehow.” Mikasa fussed over Eren’s collar as she spoke. He’d fainted after an attempt to use his hardening power more than twice in ten minutes, and now Mikasa was cradling his head in her lap while Levi watched from a couple of feet away.“ You said your Dad was definitely born past Wall Rose?”“Yeah. I guess he never had any of the knowledge that the Underground lot did.”“Well my Mother had never seen the surface, nor her parents. So we can’t be that closely related. But-” Levi glanced over his shoulder at Hange, and lowered his tone- “there’s no denying we have a lot in common. Mostly the strength, but we work so well together. In combat I mean.” he studied his fingernails as he clarified.“It’s not just that though.” Mikasa murmured. “I knew you’d been injured, and you knew I’d been injured. Like bits of us can talk to bits of each other. And it’s really weird.”“Have you told anyone?”“No. Have you?”“No.”Eren coughed and opened his eyes. Mikasa returned to fussing over him. And Levi returned to staring into the distance. ——— Historia’s orphanages were completed. Eren’s increased control over the hardening ability allowed new technology to be built. A date for for the next expedition was set.Erwin almost slit his own throat from trying to shave left-handedly. A proud man such as he would never ask for help, but he didn’t have to because from then on Levi would shove him into a chair every few days and complete the task for him.Now that she had become more rational and less emotional, Levi could relate to Mikasa’s insistent protection of Eren- it was the same between himself and the Commander. Something else to add to the ever-growing list of similarities between them: the desire to aggressively dote on a borderline megalomaniac. He decided that the two of them were sufficiently rehabilitated to begin training together again, wondering if their newfound synchronism would prevent them from really turning against each other or not. As requested, she met him atop the Wall at the break of dawn.“You’ve grown.” He commented.“You haven’t.” She retorted.A month of improved rations had done Mikasa’s body quite some good- Levi tried very hard to only notice the extra half inch of height, and not the slight increase of roundness to her breasts and hips. She was truly a woman now. Stop it.Mikasa had definitely become stronger. They each tied one arm behind their back and tried to disarm each other, and she had him in seconds. He still had an advantage when she was down on the ground, but she was learning to anticipate his kicks and, rather than roll to the side, catch him by the ankle and flip him off-balance.“Ow. Brat.” He landed on his ass. “I hope you felt that one.”“I didn’t actually.” She got to her feet and dusted herself off, then held out a hand to pull him up. “Maybe it only happens when we’re in real danger.” “Well I’m sure that can be arranged.” Levi snorted. Then he sighed, straightening his cravat. “I reckon you’ll overtake me in a few years. Inherit the crown of humanity’s strongest.”For a moment she looked pleased, but then she wrinkled her nose. “You sound like a proud Uncle. Please don’t do that.”‘Piss off.’They smiled at each other for the first time in weeks. --- “What’s this?”“Orders from myself and Queen Historia. For you to carry out if I die.”Levi made to open the sealed scroll, but Erwin caught his hand. “No. Don’t open it unless you have to.”“Understood.” Levi tucked the scroll into the small leather pouch at his waist, which currently held a few gold coins and the titan serum.“You were completely serious about breaking my legs, were you not? That’s an odd way of showing that you wish a person to come to no harm.”Levi snorted. “Well do excuse me for not having the same grasp of etiquette as a middle class old man.”“Humour this old man. It might be worth you learning some manners. Once I’m gone it’ll be up to you and Hange to secure funding for my legacy.”“In which case the Survery Corps will be fucked. Wait-“ Levi feigned concentration- “fornicated. Is that how you say it in your gold-coated ballrooms full of people who shit diamonds?”“Watch your tone with me Levi. It’s not too late to sell you off as a bodyguard to the highest bidder.”Erwin hardly ever joked. The relaxation of his stoic semblance seemed to suggest that he’d accepted his fate. Whatever that may be. Levi pulled out the sealed scroll and held it tightly as he made his way to dinner. Meat and ale were a mistake. Perhaps not individually, but as a combination. Levi broke up three different scuffles- not real fights, by his standards at least- before sloping off to the stables to be alone.It sickened him to watch everyone’s optimism being fuelled. Good food and drink wouldn’t change the fact that many of them would be corpses tomorrow. At one point, Levi thought he’d seen all the possible ways a person could die, but each expedition brought a new, more gruesome method to witness.At least they’d die believing in Erwin’s cause.Levi found an empty barn and sat himself next to the door, so that he’d be invisible to anyone glancing in. The ale was strong, and despite his constitution he felt himself growing drowsy from it- until three voices outside dragged him back to alertness.Mikasa, Eren and Armin. Prattling on about what was beyond the Walls. Levi listened with scorn but he couldn’t help wondering if Arlert’s theories were true. He remembered perusing Erwin’s books, stumbling over some of the titles that he read aloud, asking why there was nothing on the Outside. Being told that certain subjects were forbidden. Two sets of footsteps finally moved away. Then Mikasa’s voice: “I know you’re in there, Captain.”He sighed and straightened himself up. Mikasa entered his hiding place and sunk down next to him.They sat in silence for a minute. Mikasa picked up his tankard and helped herself to a few large gulps.Levi raised an eyebrow. “Have you not had enough already?”“Hardly any. I don’t like the taste.” She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “But it’s starting to sink in- you know…”“Not like you to be afraid.”“Not like you to be hiding and unarmed.” She set down the tankard and was straddling him before he had time to register what was going on.Oh.It was an invitation to fight, but he could not bring himself to move. Because in a world stained and stinking with death, she was life. The weight of her on top of him, the warmth of her body, she was almost painfully alive.He opened his mouth to order her to leave him, but instead a whimper fell out. “Mikasa… please…”Then she was taking his face in both hands and kissing him, kissing him as though her life depended on it. And it was too much, but it wasn’t enough, and his hands scrabbled desperately at her skirt, searching for soft pale flesh to dig his nails into and hold on for dear life. She caught his bottom lip between her teeth, and he opened his eyes to see her face wet with tears.Levi reached up to brush away the tears with his fingertips. She was scared. So was he. But neither wanted to talk. Their lips pressed frantically together again, and something tore as he pushed her skirt out of the way. Mikasa fumbled with his belt and a few seconds later they were joined.The barn was dirty. Anyone could walk in on them. He didn’t care. Or perhaps this was what he deserved. Levi gripped Mikasa’s hips tight enough to leave bruises. Her tears were gone now, her lips parted as she panted, falling uncontrollably over the edge. He clamped a hand over her mouth to keep her quiet as she came, the sensation of it causing him to follow suit inside her with a grunt.They peeled apart almost instantly. Mikasa was shaking as she pulled her clothes back into place. Levi became suddenly aware of his shirt being stuck to his back with sweat. Guilt trickled down his chest into the pit of his stomach.He should probably say something. But he didn’t. And Mikasa didn’t look at him as she fled. The next time they made eye contact was when she tried to kill him.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Levi had not slept for three days. At some point he gave up lying down, and then sitting. He just paced and paced. Eventually the light began to hurt his eyes, and so his restless feet carried him down to the cells.Eren was fast asleep, knocked out by the exertion of his Titan form, but Mikasa sat upright and alert on her bunk. Levi leaned heavily against the bars, his back to her.“That shrapnel wound felt pretty bad.” He murmured.“I couldn’t tell.” she replied softly. “There was just so much pain. I don’t know what was mine and what was yours.”“Yeah.”Water dripped somewhere, a steady high-pitched thud that echoed down the long stone corridor.“Thank you. For Armin.”There was only one torch lit. Levi fumbled over the keys in his hand before managing to open the cell door and let himself in, closing it behind him. In the dim glow, he could make out Mikasa’s expression.Very slowly, as if he were a puppet on delicate silk strings, Levi crossed the cell and sank down onto the thin mattress. His head fell onto Mikasa’s shoulder.In his whole life, he’d never cried in front of someone else. But it seemed to come naturally now, with her. Mikasa laid them down and allowed him to bury his face into her chest and sob. For Erwin. And for everyone else.One of her hands rubbed his back, the other stroked his hair. He had no idea how long it went on, how much grief could be contained in one person. Except that it was both of them; a different kind of pain, but one they could communicate nonetheless. He felt the death of her mother as well as his. Saw the faces of her fallen comrades as well as his.Finally he stopped shaking. “What would you do-“ his voice was hoarse- “if Eren died? How would you carry on?”“I’d do whatever he’d wanted me to do when he was alive.” She answered.Levi became aware of just how heavy his limbs were. Mikasa was soft and warm. He slept at last. -- Mikasa lay still, listening to Levi’s slow breathing. The wound in her side was sore, but she resisted the urge to shift. The Captain was curled up like a child against her, and she held him close. Both of them existed in this world to protect and serve. Both of them had devoted their lives to someone. Stripped of this purpose, she would surely feel as helpless. But Eren was just on the other side of the damp stone wall- imprisoned, and muttering incoherently whenever he regained consciousness, but alive.For now, she would do the protecting for both of them.Mikasa felt herself drifting away. In his sleep, Levi found one of her hands with his. She entwined their fingers and closed her eyes. She felt no pain now. Footsteps and a sudden bright light awoke her. Mikasa sat up, realising Levi was still there. “Shit.” She sprung to her feet, although she had no plan.“Levi, what are you doing in the prisoner’s cell?” Hange was carrying a torch and some writing supplies. Their left eye was heavily bandaged.“Enjoying the peace. Until you arrived.” He sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Damn, I must have been out a long time.”“Well I definitely have questions, but those can wait. Eren!” The Commander rattled the bars of the adjacent cell. “Wake up. Armin reported that you were talking to yourself all of yesterday. So I think you and I need to have a bit of a chat.”“I’ll come back.” Levi muttered as he let himself out of the cell, locking it behind him.Mikasa lay back down on the creaky bed and listened to Hange impatiently try and get some sense out of Eren. --- Word of Queen Historia’s visit seemed to have spread, despite military secrecy. As he oversaw the Garrison’s attempt to construct enormous Titan-killing machinery, Levi thought of the still-sealed orders that currently resided under his mattress. He hadn’t seen the point of opening them, given that there wasn’t really anyone left to carry them out. But Erwin had given the scroll to him personally.That evening, he opened it.
It must be assumed that the Shiganshina expedition may fail, and that Wall Maria may remain fallen. In this instance, humanity will be without weapons and must focus entirely on defending itself.
The preservation and continuation of the Ackerman bloodline is as vital to humanity’s survival as the Royal bloodline. Titan serum must not be used on anyone bearing Ackerman blood. The Survey Corps will cease operations beyond the Wall until such time as the future of the bloodline is established. Royal reward will be offered to anyone who can bring a person of this name to court alive and unharmed. Those who are able will be trained as elite personal soldiers. Reproduction must be arranged efficiently without resorting to inbreeding. In the event of there being no other surviving members than the two already known-
Levi stopped reading there. He was about to tear the parchment to shreds when he realised that beneath the main body of writing, was a hastily written note, in Erwin’s own hand. Instructions detailing what was to happen to his personal possessions. His considerable wealth, along with most of his books, went to the Scouts. Anything they had no use for would be donated to the poor.
Keep the suit. You never know when you may need it.
Until the next life, old friend.
--
Mikasa was relieved that she would not have to go back to the cell after the Military’s audience with the Queen. She went with the others up to Sasha’s room where she lay recovering. It was good to see them all again-alive. Jean had a broken arm, but Connie was surprisingly intact.Armin brought a jug of wine and some metal cups. He poured drinks for them all.“We mourn the dead tomorrow.” He said quietly. “But this evening, let’s remember that we survived, and our mission was a success. Wall Maria is sealed. We made it to the basement. And perhaps most importantly, we proved ourselves by going head to head with those we once considered comrades.”“So whom do we toast?” Jean asked. “Ourselves?”“Why not?” Sasha lifted her cup, her arm trembling slightly from the effort. “This is way further than we ever thought we’d get, back when we joined up.”“To what remains of the 104th then.” Mikasa clinked her cup against Sasha’s.Behind her, Eren dropped to his knees, his cup rolling away across the floor. Mikasa grabbed him by the shoulders.“I’m fine.” He mumbled, but his eyes were crossed.“Armin, help me get him to bed.” Between them, they got Eren downstairs and laid on a bed in the dorm. He muttered protests the whole way.“I think he just needs to rest more.” Armin pulled the blankets over Eren. “Thank goodness for the new weapons. It means we get a break from fighting.”Mikasa opened her mouth to agree, but then found herself retching. She leaned against the wall, a hand to her forehead, which was suddenly clammy and painful.“I think you should rest too.” Armin looked at her with concern on his face. “You’re thin. You’re not taking care of yourself.”“Since when were you the parent here?” she joked, but the prospect of lying down in a proper bed was incredibly inviting.Once back out in the corridor, Mikasa realised that there was no designated womens’ dorm. The only other survivors were Hange, who would have been given a fancy suite, and Sasha, who was upstairs a sick bed. “Oi. In here.” Levi poked his head around a door, making her jump. She entered the room. A bathtub stood full of steaming water in front of the lit fire. Expensive-looking towels and a nightshirt were folded on the bed. Apparently their temporary new headquarters were considerably less barren than the barracks. “You look as bad as you feel. And it seems like we take it in turns to look after each other. So I guess its my go.”“Won’t someone see-“Levi kicked the door closed at the same time as he began to work on her buttons. “I don’t care.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Hange cleared their throat and adjusted their eyepatch. “Thank you for joining me. We’re here to establish the future of the Survey Corps.”Levi snorted and leaned back in his chair. “There is no future. We’re screwed.”Mikasa dug her elbow into his ribs, hard. “Would you want Erwin to hear you say that?"Before he could respond, Hange cleared their throat again, louder and more insistent this time.
“There are a total of three hundred sign-ups, both from the current training corps, and present members of the garrison and even some MPs. So manpower is no longer an issue. But-“ they fumbled with their notes- “We lack underpinning. Everyone from our doctors to our clothiers have jumped ship since Commander Erwin’s death, evidently not expecting us to bounce back. However, not everybody is a pessimist.” They shot a look at Levi before continuing.
“The civilians are shaken by the revelations, but many are eager to learn more. Given that we now possess two Titan shifters, as well as valuable evidence, is it unanimously agreed that the Survey Corps are to lead the people forwards into the new world?”There were no objections, although Connie pulled a face.“Then its settled. We will re-establish ourselves with gusto. I am currently engaged in diplomatic ventures with the Crown as well as the other military leaders. Armin must focus on exploring his new powers for now, but will prove invaluable as chief tactician. Eren has already begun to increase the public’s faith in us by us building his Titan strength to help build new civilian infrastructure.
As for the rest of you, Jean is to serve as head of assets and administration until we have a separate committee to handle that side of things. You’ll work under his guidance. We need food, weapons, horses, uniforms. Gold is no object. I don’t want any more donations from other departments, it robs us of our potential to act independently in the future if needed.
Oh and you two-“ they looked over at Mikasa and Levi- “stay behind after everyone else is dismissed, I have special orders for you.” “This… connection. Thing. Between us. Did you ever have that kind of thing with Kenny?”
Levi was carefully combing her damp hair. “Nope. I did wonder if it was something that awoke when two Ackermans shared in a fight for survival, like we did in that forest. But mine and Kenny’s lives were on the line a whole bunch of times and it never happened.”
“Maybe because there were no Titans involved.” She closed her eyes and tilted her head back. “Perhaps we should tell Hange. After the meeting tomorrow morning.”
“No.” He answered quickly and firmly. “I don’t want to be experimented on, cheers.”
Levi rubbed her hair with the towel once more. “All done. Either brush it every day or cut it even shorter.”
“Hard to take care of grooming when you’re stuck in a cell for a fortnight.” Mikasa laid back against the pillows. “Since when were you an expert on hair, anyway?”
“I think I used to brush my mum’s.” He laid down next to hair. “Can’t really remember that far back though.”
One of his hands began to trace her side, signalling that the conversation was over. He placed a kiss against her mouth, the hand roaming to squeeze one of her breasts, which seemed firmer than usual.
“Teach me something.” Mikasa requested. “That thing you did to me with your mouth. Teach me how to do that to you.”
“As the lady wishes,” he grinned, threading his fingers through her nicely combed hair and ruining it as he guided her head down.
She was a quick learner, even being able to swallow. When he returned the favour, she had to press one of the pillows over her mouth to muffle the scream.
Bored with the rest of the meeting, Levi let his mind wander. It was tempting to reminisce on last night’s activities, but it was the conversation that came back to him.
He’d never been into Gods or superstitions, so he had no clue if their connection was a unique phenomenon or not. He didn’t know that much science either, but somehow he didn’t think that would be of any more use. The scraping of chairs brought Levi back to the present. Everyone else was leaving.“Right. You two.” The Commander pushed the heavy wooden door firmly closed. “You’ve seen how many Titans we now have trapped in Trost, right?”“You’ve still got one eye, you should be able to see for yourself.”Hange didn’t rise to the bait. “How many do you think there are?”Mikasa caught on. “Its possibly all of them. But…”“But we have no way of knowing for certain, although it would be vitally important information. Now listen up because I won’t repeat myself. Under no circumstances can I sanction an expedition to confirm whether or not this really is all of them. We don’t have the resources, and our newcomers won’t be field-ready for quite some time. It would be a suicide mission for the average soldier. Moreover, Zackly himself gets more suspicious of the Scouts’ movements each day. I must protect our reputation. Have I made myself clear?”“Understood!” Mikasa saluted.“Good.” Hange swept from the room without another word. Once back in the privacy of his- their- bedroom, Levi leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. “I assume you’re thinking what I’m thinking.”“The Corps are being watched,” Mikasa murmured. She was getting a headache, but tried to ignore it. “The Garrison must be reporting on us. But only in the day.”“So we go tonight. No horses, we’d be too obvious. I have an old friend who owes me a favour, I’ll pay them a visit and get some supplies.”“Armin can be trusted to keep quiet. I’ll ask him to help draw up a plan.”“Meet back here after supper.”“Got it.” She found Armin in the mess hall, sat with a stack of books either side of him that were tall enough to hide all but the top of his head.
“What are these?”“History books. Government sanctioned ones, of course. But if the theories are true, and I might have access to the memories of previous holders of the colossus titan then… Something might make sense in a way it didn’t before.”“Ah.” Mikasa perched herself on the table next to one of the book piles. “I need to borrow that brain. What’s the best way for people to survive for a day or more outside the Walls without horses?”“Run back and get horses.” Armin looked pleased at his own joke.“I mean it.”His brow furrowed momentarily, and then he understood, glancing around. “Speculating about life beyond the Walls is still frowned upon.” He murmured. “Let’s go for a walk.”They walked casually down the oak-panelled hallway and out the front of the building.
Autumn was coming; a few golden leaves blew across the cobblestones at their feet. A trader with a cart was selling bowls of onion soup to soldiers and passers-by. The overpowering smell was carried on the wind. Mikasa doubled over and vomited.Armin grabbed her by the shoulders. She stared hard at the cobblestones, vision swimming slightly. Embarrassment washed over her but then she heaved again, and spat. Finally she looked up. Armin’s eyes were wide with realisation.“Mikasa.” He whispered.” You’re pregnant.”“No.” She wiped her mouth on the back of her hand shakily. “No way.”“Who-“Mikasa turned on her heel and walked away from him as fast as she could, hand still over her mouth.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“You’re fucking kidding me.” It was sunset. They were crouched behind one of the canons, looking out along the Wall. Which was being patrolled.“They never patrol at night. This is bullshit.” “Shut up.” Mikasa hissed. “We need to decide.”Option one would be to travel along the side of the Wall. This was the original plan, but almost guaranteed being seen. Option two was to go straight through. Straight through Titan territory.“You’re right.” Levi exhaled and composed himself. “We could take them all out, no problem, but I don’t exactly relish the thought.”“Are you talking about the Titans, or the soldiers?”“The soldiers. But if its true that the Titans are subdued at night, then we might not even need to engage them. The main threat-“ he checked his gear under his long black cloak-“would be running out of gas.” Mikasa did the same. “I guess we can dump some equipment if we need to. But its worth checking if the old supply building near the outer gate is still intact.” “Ready then?”“Ready.” They took a running jump off the Wall, in unison. As they fell, Levi’s hand reached out to brush hers for a few seconds, before they engaged their ODM gear. The Titans stood immobile save for a few that swayed a little on the spot. Their eyes were bright though, so Mikasa and Levi flew almost at ground level. It was eerie. Occasionally a house stood untouched from the evacuation, set tables and hanging laundry giving the impression of stopped time. As they moved deeper into the ghost town however, the moonlight became obscured and the frozen scenes of life faded into black. “Okay. Stop here.” Levi kept his voice low. They landed behind an overturned market stall. Levi fished out the roughly-drawn map he had procured from his contact.“If we keep west then we can stay incognito. However, we run the risk of emptying our tanks. Or, we carry on straight and start going over rooftops. This is your call Mikasa. The other soldiers look to you as a leader, and that means they’ll expect you to be able to make dangerous decisions on the spot.” Mikasa squinted at the map. It was fully dark by now. “Visibility is too low.” she murmured. “We could easily get lost, and that’s a death sentence. If we take the rooftops- well, we’ve killed Titans and survived already, haven’t we?” He pocketed the map. “Lead the way then.” She scanned the silhouettes of the buildings ahead, hoping they would be stable enough to climb. Twice she almost fell, but the metal spiked attachments strapped to her boots enabled her to lodge her toes firmly between the loose bricks.When they made it to the top, she re-engaged her gear. Levi did the same.“We go straight.” She told him. “Whatever happens, carry on forwards, as fast as you can, until you reach the gate. Don’t look round.”Levi gave her a salute that wasn’t entirely sarcastic, before drawing his blades and taking flight.Mikasa allowed him to reach about two hundred yards ahead before doing the same. At this height, the wind ruffled her hair and made her scarf trail behind her. I could be a bird, she thought. An enormous footfall sounded somewhere behind her. I’m just a bird. Don’t look at me. You can’t see me. Louder. Closer. I’m invisible. You can’t move.And then the moonlight was obscured by a towering shadow. Levi felt the sting of her fear a second before he heard the crash.“Mikasa!” He yelled as he whirled around, in total and careless defiance of her orders.A building, or possibly several, had collapsed. She was nowhere to be seen, but he could make out the shape of the Titan. About twenty five metres high, and gaping its grotesque mouth in a roar of anguish. She must have cut it, but it wasn’t falling.Not the nape then.Levi launched himself at the Titan, trying to aim for that one-metre spot. It seemed as though the monster had even less sight than he- it was snatching at the air blindly with its great lumbering fists, and he dodged with ease as he felt the movements in the air. He managed to land on the Titan’s shoulder and slice in several rapid rotations through the back of its neck, until the head dangled to one side and fell, along with the rest of the body, in defeat.Levi jumped free like a rat from a sinking ship, landing nimbly on the cobblestones. “Mikasa?” he called again. “Levi?” It sounded extremely faint. He ran in the direction he thought was correct, and found her detaching herself from the rubble. He knelt to help her.“It grabbed me. Must have got lucky. I-“ she coughed. It sounded hacking and spluttery. “I cut its fingers off and jumped down onto the roof but went-“ more coughing”- straight through.” “Are you hurt?” He knew she was, because he could feel the low hum of her panic still. “Not badly. But my gear’s mangled.” “Shit. We can’t wait till light to try and fix it. Here.” Levi pulled her to her feet- she swayed somewhat- and after a bit of fumbling, managed to link their harnesses together by a few of the buckles.“I reckon that was a one-off, but at least this way I don’t have to hold on to you with both arms, so I can defend if necessary.”Mikasa coughed again as they took off, and went limp.“You shouldn’t have looked round,” she murmured before fainting.
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Not far now.Mikasa was fading in and out. Something warm and sticky was seeping onto his clothes through hers. An acrid smell filled his nostrils as Levi wrung the last dregs of fuel from his tanks.Almost there.They ran dry about two hundred feet from the supply point, a sturdy construction attached to the Wall itself. He’d been flying low so that they wouldn’t risk falling.If he believed in any Gods, he would have thanked them. “Right.” Levi shook Mikasa gently as he detached her from him. “You gotta walk now brat, I can’t carry you.”She groaned and doubled over, but she stayed standing.“Can’t see any Titans too close. I think it’ll be safe in there.”“Then what?” Her speech was slurred.“Don’t worry about that.” He steered her forwards, holding her shoulders. “We just need to get out of sight.”Mikasa stumbled a few times. Her breath was laboured. Levi was relieved when they made it into the supply point, and leaned her against the wall before securing the door.
These places were all the same, and he managed to locate and light the emergency lamp. The place was filthy, but the gas supply was still connected and seemed to be in good condition. The same could not be said for Mikasa; she was slumped against the wall, eyelids fluttering, blood visible on her clothes and a black bruise across her forehead. “Right.” Levi scoured the shelves for medical supplies. “This is what’s going to happen. We’re going to patch you up, and then try and do the same with your gear. If that works we head back as soon as you’re able. If not, we wait here until daylight and then fire a flair to let Hange know we need rescuing.”“But the mission…” Mikasa’s legs gave out and she slumped to the floor.“Oi.” He caught her head before it hit the stone floor, and lowered her down gently. “We failed. That happens sometimes. Even if we were fighting fit, we’ve lost half our equipment. So give up.”He pulled at her clothing to expose her stomach. A long sliver of wood was embedded into her left side, visible under translucent skin as it stretched to the middle of her stomach.“Fucking hell. Only you could fall through a roof and end up with an eight inch splinter.” Levi swallowed, trying not to panic. “You’re lucky it didn’t puncture anything. Don’t scream.”Feeling somewhat repulsed, he gripped the protruding end of the wood and pulled hard. To her credit, Mikasa made no sound. But her eyes rolled backwards.“Stay with me.” He ripped open one of the medical kits, uncorking the small glass bottle of alcohol and dabbing it over the exit wound. The bruising patterns above suggested a broken rib, and her trousers were damp with congealing blood. Levi grabbed a wad of cotton from the medical pack and held it pressed against her abdomen to try and stop further bleeding.“I noticed something.” He was talking to keep her with him, or to calm himself, maybe both. “I could feel that you were injured, but it was really vague, not like when I know you’ve got a headache. And it faded in and out. So it must only work when we’re both fully conscious.”Mikasa was very pale. Keeping one hand in place over the cotton, Levi shrugged off his cloak and draped it over her.“Maybe it’s a good idea. Telling Hange I mean. There’s enough bullshit to deal with already, but for all we know this ability could be connected to some of that bullshit.”She didn’t have the strength to reply. Levi’s hands were shaking slightly now.
Get it together. She’s going to be fine.
He moved her head into his lap and stroked her hair away from her face with his free hand, taking care not to press on her forehead in case he worsened the damage . Colour was beginning to return to her cheeks, and after a while her eyes half-opened.“Well that’s better.” He hid his relief in a grin. “You still look like shit, but less so.”Mikasa’s hand fell over his against her stomach, cold and weak. “Armin said… that there was a baby in there. But there couldn’t have been, right? And even if there was then there wouldn’t be any more.”A thousand different thoughts crashed through Levi’s mind. He took a minute to carefully choose one to verbalise.
“Wait. You’re telling me you don’t know how-“ The sudden return of warmth to her face indicated that the topic had only been briefly discussed.Levi leant back heavily against the wall. “Last time we… In the barn, that night. I wasn’t careful. So its possible that you actually were…” The word pregnant wouldn’t come out, as though it were too heavy for his lungs to force up his throat. Instead it sat lodged in his chest.“I guess we’ll never know.” He said finally.“I wouldn’t have wanted it.” Mikasa spoke so quietly he could barely hear. “Who would want to bring more human life into this shitty world?”Who indeed.She was in no state to move, so Levi let her rest, keeping her head on his lap so that her breathing stayed even as she slept.
Years in the underground had given him an innate sense of dawn approaching, so when it felt like time he rummaged in his satchel for the red flair Hange had given them if they needed help. When he stepped outside to fire, a Titan was sprawled not far away, slowly beginning to stir. He killed it before it could get to its feet. “You’ve got quite a bit of explaining to do.” The Garrison knucklehead was grinning, as though the prospect of getting a seasoned Scout in trouble was a rare treat. “The Commanders gave direct orders that nobody is to engage with the trapped Titans.”
They were being escorted along the top of the Wall back to headquarters. Unable to spare any Scouts, Hange had sent a squad from the Garrison, who seemed gleeful despite the apparent alliance between their regiments.“I told you, we’ll talk to the officers.” Levi glowered at the young man. “Now shut up unless you want to have an accident.”He scowled but held his tongue.Levi glanced behind them at Mikasa, who was being led on horseback. She was awake, and had tried to insist she could walk, but still didn’t seem quite right. He knew that trauma to the head could cause problems. She needed to be seen by the doctor, not marched in front of the higher ups. Hange looked relieved to see them both in one piece for a moment, then resumed a professional demeanour as another officer demanded to know what they’d been doing.Levi opened his mouth, but Mikasa spoke first. “We were acting under the orders of commander Erwin.”“Commander Erwin is dead.”Lying came naturally to her, but unbeknownst to her she wasn’t exactly wrong. “Before he died, Commander Erwin passed on to us that the Ackerman bloodline held some sort of special power. We’ve been trying to figure it out, and we were acting in secret because these orders weren’t even known to Commander Hange.”There were murmurs.Commander Pixis turned to Hange, with eyebrows raised. “Can you confirm that you had no knowledge of this covert mission?”“That is correct.” Hange adjusted their glasses. “Given that these soldiers are under my command, and that I trusted and followed Erwin for years, I do not consider their actions to be in defiance of the orders I myself gave concerning restricted access to Trost district.”“Very well. But this a big world, and those of us in this small corner cannot afford to hide valuable secrets. I wish to hear what this mythical Ackerman ability is.” “Get comfortable then.” Levi folded his arms. “Because this is going to take quite a bit of explaining.”
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Mikasa’s head felt so heavy that her knees were buckling under the weight. The moment they were dismissed Levi took her by the waist and steered her down the corridor towards the hospital wing, but Hange followed them talking at top speed.“Is it true? How long has it been happening? I can’t wait to run some tests and see how it works. Do you have to be in close physical proximity? Is that why you’ve been sharing a bed- ohhh.”Levi rolled his eyes.Hange fiddled with their eyepatch. “Well given Mikasa’s experience in the field I’d say you’re at equal rank in all ways apart from on paper, so I can’t yell about improper conduct. Not that I personally disapprove anyway. But you should be careful-”“Can’t you give us a break, four-eyes? She fell through a damned roof.”“Yes of course. Go and get checked over. But we start experiments as soon as you’ve rested.” They actually rubbed their hands together and giggled as they walked away.“I told you this was a mistake.” Levi groaned. Half an hour later, Mikasa had been thoroughly examined and prescribed a week of bed rest in case of permanent damage to her head - she’d negotiated it down to three days. She was still bleeding a bit from down below, but she had no idea if it was just her monthly bleed coming back given that the doctor who made the pills had disappeared weeks ago. She didn’t ask them whether Armin had been right. It felt better to never know.Levi came back with clean hair and clothes and pulled a chair up next to the bed. He placed a hand over her stomach. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked quietly, and she knew he wasn’t talking about the wound.Mikasa shook her head-and immediately regretted it. “Do you?”Levi fidgeted uncharacteristically. “There’s something I never told you. Erwin did actually leave me orders when he died. Consigned by the Queen. Saying that the Ackerman bloodline needs to be continued, and we should look for any survivors.”She felt suddenly sick. “You’re not telling me that he ordered you to put a- you know- in me?”“Not as such. But I think he did know that-” Levi fidgeted again- “I’d started to, well, see you as more than just a soldier.”“Oh.” she relaxed again. She'd been told by her Mothers- both biological and adopted- that she'd bear children one day, but even from a young age she'd had more important things to think about. “I guess… I’d do it if there was no fighting. But my priority is protecting Eren and the others.” “Plus you’re still a kid yourself.”She scowled. “Well at least I grew when I started the change. And I can beat you in a fight.”Levi chuckled. “True.” Mikasa hated feeling incapacitated, but her body was crying out for rest, so she stayed put and allowed Levi to read to her in between her meals and naps. Eren and Armin came to see her the next morning, the latter giving her a strange, solemn look. She learned about the progress of their experiments, and soon enough it was time to begin her own. Hange first tested what they called “physiological symptoms”; blindfolding one and having the other touch something hot or cold, and seeing if the blindfolded one could tell which. It failed repeatedly. Undeterred, they moved onto mental tasks, designing a series of puzzles that required cooperation to complete. Their minds did work in similar ways, but the harder Mikasa tried to “think” the answers in Levi’s direction, the more stupid she felt. “This is a bit of a waste of everyone’s time isn’t it?” Levi said finally, after two weeks of increasingly inconvenient and invasive tests. “You’ve asked us everything except whether or not we take a shit at the same time.”“That’s something I hadn’t considered! Perhaps if you mimic each other as closely as possible-”“Please Commander.” Mikasa interrupted as respectfully as possible. “I just dont think this is something we can learn more about deliberately. Each new connection seems to come from real, unplanned situations.”“Fine.” Hange pouted unprofessionally, but conceded nonetheless. “You can resume normal duties. But if there are any new developments then I want to know. Immediately. Even if it’s the middle of the night or I’m in the bath. And that’s an order.” That night, as they laid in bed, Mikasa voiced her thoughts aloud. “Its only the bad stuff. Pain, grief, fear. Why do you think its like that?”“Maybe because those things are essential for survival. We don’t need to be able to completely read each others minds in order to not die.”Mikasa rolled onto her side to look at him, even though it was dark. “Maybe I want to read your mind. You don’t exactly talk about things very well.”“Well neither do you.” He sighed and pulled her body close to his. “Why, what do you want to find out?” Mikasa bit her lip. They’d not kissed, let alone touched, since before their mission. For the most part she was grateful, but now it was playing on her mind for some reason. “Are you still… Into me?”In answer, Levi laughed softly, then took her hand in his and guided it down under the covers to show the slight firmness of his crotch. “I didn’t ever stop being.” he said quietly. “But I wasn’t going to make any moves until I knew you were ready again.”Mikasa felt her face grow warm. It had been months since that night on the rooftop, but she still felt nervous about the subject.Levi rolled on top of her and lowered his mouth to her ear. “ I can’t read your mind either, ” he murmured. “I don’t know anything for sure unless you tell me.” His lips trailed oh-so-delicately down her neck.A mewling sound escaped Mikasa’s mouth in place of words. In the darkness she knew Levi was smirking.“Is this what you want?” His fingers traced over her thighs. “Don’t be shy.”She swallowed and nodded, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. As his fingers crept into her wetness, his free hand cradled the back of her head.Mikasa felt the tension begin to drain from her body as the pleasure took over. Levi guided her towards release with gentle murmurs of encouragement. Her hips began to move in time with his hand, and when the orgasm came she felt like she would fall off the edge of the world. Her fists gripped handfuls of his nightshirt to keep herself there with him.“I’ve got you,” he whispered, pushing her knees further apart with one of his. “Can I? I won’t come inside.”Too far gone to talk, Mikasa answered by pulling his mouth to hers and kissing him as though she were asphyxiating and he were air. He moved slowly inside her, trying to prolong the moment of togetherness. A brief clarity in a world full of chaos.Mikasa could feel something warm inside her chest, a tiny spark at first but then growing, blooming. It didn’t stop when they did; it began to spread even faster, and it overwhelmed her so much that tears began to leak down her face.Levi grabbed a towel to clean himself up then returned to her, pressing his forehead to hers.“Are you crying because you can feel it too?”She pressed her palm to his chest. “Just here.”“Yeah.” He wiped her cheeks with his fingertips.It was intense, but it wasn’t pain. Or grief. Or fear.“Say it.” She whispered. “Say what it is.”“I guess... its what they call love.”
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“Are you still going on about the ocean?” Eren rolled his eyes as he spoke through a mouthful of bread. “You’re a Titan now, there’s probably a hundred new things to obsess about.”Armin’s eyes were glinting in a way that reminded Mikasa almost unnervingly of the Commander. “Well that’s just it, every time I transform I gain access to a tiny bit more of Bertholt’s memories, or those of whoever held it before him. And I know that at least one of them was on a boat, and they could see Titans on the land. So-“ His voice was rising in pitch as he grew more excited- “if we are indeed on an island, and other people want to hurt us for whatever reason, then its actually the Titans that are protecting us!”“Huh.” Sasha pulled a face. “It’s so weird to think that those Titans out there could actually be on our side. You’re not eating your breakfast Armin, can I have it?”Downtime felt like such a strange concept, given they were in the middle of preparing to bring humanity into a new age. But there were no duties apart from maintaining the Titan-killing devices, and it was still a few weeks before the new recruits would officially join. It was also payday, so after clearing away the breakfast things they made their way to the newly-set up Finances office. Jean was going on about some fancy bar where higher-class young ladies would apparently gather to sing along to the piano. Connie and Sasha were arguing about where they were most likely to find meat.Mikasa felt that she had no use for money. She was fed and clothed already. But as she left the office with her cloth bag of coins, Levi grabbed her by the elbow. “Important mission. We leave immediately.”“On who’s orders?”“Mine.” The important mission turned out to be a visit to Levi’s favourite tea shop. It was just under an hour’s walk from headquarters, down the canal path. The air was crisp and cold, and Levi adjusted Mikasa’s scarf to keep her warm. She told him about what Armin had said as they walked. “Don’t you think its strange that Armin can access pieces of memory from previous holders of his Titan, but Eren can’t?”Levi stopped walking.“You still trust Eren right? With all your heart?”“Of course.”“Sometimes the ones we follow keep secrets from us. Hell, I never knew everything that was going on in Erwin’s brain.’Mikasa looked out over the water. A slight mist was arising as it ran. “Erwin caused hundreds of deaths, even his own, because he was so certain of his cause. And people have died for Eren too. Because they believed in him. I bet nobody would sacrifice themselves if they knew the full extent of the situation. So we’re kept in the dark in order to be able to do our duty.”She resumed walking again. Levi caught up after a few paces.“You’re forgetting though, the Titan shifter powers seem to have originated from outside the Walls. That’s where the people who probably want to kill us are. For all we know, Eren has valuable information that could help us prepare for what’s to come, and is choosing to withhold it. I’m not saying you should stop trusting him, but don’t always assume to understand everything he says or does.”Mikasa fiddled with her scarf, not sure if she should be angry or not.“Did you ever doubt Erwin?” She asked at last.Levi snorted. “The man was an arrogant maniac. More than once, I was reluctant to carry out orders, and I told him so. But… the choices he had to make were difficult ones, and I don’t think that I could have chosen better if it were up to me.”She didn’t reply, but the silence was of their familiar, comfortable variety. She linked her arm through his as they left the canal path and made their way down a bustling, winding narrow street. At the very end was a tiny shop with peeling paint and a dusty window.“Doesn’t look like the sort of place you’d want to set foot in,” Mikasa remarked, but as soon as Levi pushed open the door a rich, sweet fragrance hit them. She stepped inside with him, and immediately almost knocked over a precarious tower of unmarked tins. “Ah, Mr Levi.” An old man, bent almost double and wearing enormously thick glasses, appeared from behind a tall shelving unit. “Always a pleasure. What can I get for you today, the usual?”“Yes please Horace.”“And for the lady?”Mikasa realised the man was staring expectantly at her. “I’m not a lady.” She said flatly. “This urchin is actually a seasoned military veteran, but otherwise uneducated. What can you recommend to cure that?” Horace mumbled unintelligibly to himself as he disappeared behind the shelves once more. Mikasa elbowed Levi. “What?” “Even in civilian mode you’re an arsehole.” There was an alarming crash, and Horace re-appeared with spectacles askew, holding a wooden box, the lid of which he opened. “If the lady would care to take a whiff. An herbal brew, much more delicate than black tea leaf, but arguably quite warming to the soul.” Mikasa sniffed. To her surprise, it reminded her of home. The cabin in the mountains, the first of many homes that she’d lost.“I think my Mother used to have these leaves hanging up in bunches around the house. For good luck or something.”“Then absolutely, the lady must take this one!” “That was a strange man,” Mikasa said as they began to walk back, bags considerably heavier.“I’ve known him for as long as you’ve been born. He used to smuggle medicine into the Underground. One day he gave some tea to try and… well, let’s just say I gave him protection from the gang scum from then, until he retired and opened up a legitimate business on the surface.”“Weren’t you in a gang too?”“Gangs are for vermin and cowards. I guess you could say I had alliances though.” There was something of a commotion around the town square. Traders who had anticipated military payday milled around with their best wares, while officers loudly showed off their cash and civillians muttered under their breath in disapproval or jealousy.“Let’s stay here for a bit.” Levi said. “There might be some trouble that needs breaking up.”Mikasa nodded in agreement. She began to scan the throng of people- and was surprised to see Connie elbowing his way through, yelling her name.She pushed her way through to him. “What’s going on?”Connie skidded to a halt in front of her, panting. “Its Eren. He’s… well, come and see for yourself.”
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The two soldiers guarding the cell looked as though they might faint from terror at the sight of Mikasa striding towards them. Levi almost laughed.“What. Have. You done. To my brother?” Her question- more of a demand- was punctuated by stomping footsteps as she drew close.The one on the left jumped into a salute and stammered, “He transformed without permission so we had to restrain him.”“Mikasa?” Eren called. “Captain?”He was chained to the of the cell, clothes ragged and torn, marks on his cheeks showing that he’d only recently been cut out of his Titan form.“Eren!” She practically threw herself at the bars, elbowing the second guard out of the way. “Are you hurt? Tell me what happened!”Levi leaned against the wall a few feet away and observed, sensing that he should hold his tongue.“I…” Eren looked at the floor. It was unusual to see him so downcast. “I remembered something that the Owl said. He said they kept us alive inside the Walls in case they ever needed more… more Titans.”“So you lost your temper and transformed?”Eren nodded meekly, seemingly ashamed of himself. “They cut me out before I did any damage. But…”“Great.” Levi couldn’t help himself. “Humanity’s greatest weapon is a dumb kid who can’t control his hormones. Aren’t we lucky.”Mikasa turned her burning glare on him. “You stay out of this, or you’ll regret it.”Eren gasped. “I’m sure she didn’t mean it like Captain, she just-”“Actually, I’ll think you’ll find she can speak for herself.” Levi drew himself upright and sauntered towards the bars, ignoring the two silent soldiers in the corner. “And she’s actually quite polite, but I imagine if she weren’t, then Mikasa would be telling you that she’s had enough of running around saving your useless sorry arse all the time.”“Screw you.” Mikasa glowered at him. “You’re not wrong, but screw you. Eren, I’m glad you’re safe, but tactically you’ve set us back several paces by not being able to handle your emotions in a mature manner. I’m disappointed.”She marched off down the corridor without another word. Levi could feel her anger burning in all directions. Without looking back at the bewildered Eren, he turned on his heel and strode in the same direction as Mikasa.When he caught up with her, Levi made a grab for her waist, and she turned sharply with a raised fist- which he caught. They stared at each other for a second, then she pushed him roughly against the wall.“Are you after a fight or a fuck?” He smirked.She didn’t look like she knew, and the furious heat that he could feel inside her was fluid, uncertain. It was as though he could reach into her and mould it. Levi took advantage of her moment of confusion to flip them, so that now she was trapped against the wall.“Why are you so angry?” He didn’t like having to tiptoe to be able to murmur into her ear, but it wasn’t as though he was going to lie her down on the filthy floor. “Is it because I’m right?”Mikasa’s face flickered. That’d be a yes then. Almost robotically, she turned her head to meet his lips with hers.“Go on,” he breathed into the kiss, “Let it all out.” He sunk his teeth into her bottom lip for good measure, and pulled.Mikasa gasped, one of her hands flat against the wall to steady herself while the other went to his hair and made a fist, tugging. She wanted control, it showed in the way her mouth moved clumsily but greedily to his throat. And it was tempting to yield, to see what she was capable of.But that wasn’t his style. He shoved her further back, pinning his body against hers. That fire in her was contagious, and he hooked one of her legs around his waist as they kissed feverishly.A sudden scraping noise echoed down the long corridor, indicating that someone was opening the heavy wooden door at the top of the stairs. Mikasa jumped, as did he, and their noses banged together.“Ow!” She giggled for a second, and then sobered up. “Someone’s coming.”“We can finish this later then.” Levi stepped back from her with a sigh, and straightened his cravat. “I guess we forgot why we were even here. Go and see Hange, get Eren released.”Mikasa was gone in the blink of the eye.This time, he didn’t follow her. He wondered if he’d feel this much jealousy if he still had Erwin. - “I’m sorry Mikasa. I don’t think Eren is a threat, but-“ Hange sighed and rubbed their temples- “many are still suspicious of the shifters. The Survey Corps is under a lot of pressure to prove that we have the ability to handle them- you remember the trial, don’t you? Eren will be released in the morning.”“So you locked him away just to show off your own power?”The Commander rolled their eye. “You’re starting to sound like Levi. But then, I suppose I’m starting to sound like Erwin.”There was a pause, in which Hange seemed to drift away somewhere, and then returned with a cough.“Anyway, I have a new assignment for your little dream team”- they grinned unnervingly before continuing. “Our new would-be soldiers have all had the standard military training, but that universal skillset is outdated considering that mindless Titans are no longer our sole enemies. They need more hand-to-hand combat, strategy, the like. An intensive street-smart course. What do you think?”Mikasa nodded.Hange grinned again as they slid a pile of papers across the desk. Eren was no longer being guarded when she returned to him.“Hey.” He mumbled.“Hey.”“I’m sorry Mikasa.”“It’s alright.” She traced the pattern of the cell door’s lock with her index finger, feeling a little awkward. “Hange says you’ll be released tomorrow. But I won’t be around for a bit. I’m going to help with the training.”“How long?”“Three weeks.”“Oh.”“Yeah.”Eren laughed suddenly. “I was seriously expecting you to give me a lecture. You had that look on your face- Mom’s look.”Mikasa knew the one. She smiled too. “I’m pretty sure if you mess up any more then she’ll come back as a ghost and haunt us both.”For a moment, it was like nothing had changed, like they were back in the old days. But even before the Wall was breached, they’d never really been safe, and even before they’d enlisted, they’d never really been children.Her smile faded as she ascended the stone steps back into the main building. But a moment was better than nothing. Levi was sat cross-legged on the bed when she returned to their room.“I’ve been waiting for you.”
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“I’m not in the mood to argue.” Mikasa dumped the stack of documents down on the desk and sat heavily in the chair, removing her boots.“Me neither. I’m actually trying to use my words.”She felt herself soften a bit. Levi wasn’t the most articulate of people. “I’ll make some tea.” She said, to give him some time.“Best idea you’ve had in a long time.” He watched her measure out a scoop of the herbal mix she’d got from Horace and set the pot over the tiny burner. “How did it go with Hange?”“Eren will be out tomorrow, and I didn’t lose my temper. Plus”- she lit the flame with a match- “We’ve been given a new mission. Hence all the papers.”Levi nodded. “Good work. Come sit with me.” He patted the bed.Mikasa sat down next to him, her back to him so she could keep an eye on the burner. He began to comb her hair with his fingers, and after about a minute was ready to speak.“Obviously we both had someone that we always felt the need to follow and look out for, but now I don’t and you do. I know that you don’t have feelings for him, and I certainly don’t wish it was me you were hell-bent on protecting like that, but- its strange. Like you have a purpose and I don’t. I think that’s why I get… jealous.”She shuffled round to face him. “I’m pretty sure your purpose is to protect all of us. Nearly everyone inside the Walls knows your name.”“Nearly everyone inside the Walls is stupid.” He retorted.“So is Eren, but I still want him alive.” The pot made a sudden screeching noise as it boiled. Mikasa hurriedly lifted it off the heat. “If I’m ever done being a soldier then I’m going to have my own house.” Levi announced as she poured the tea. “With a proper kitchen so I can brew my tea the real way.”“There’s a proper kitchen here, you just don’t want to interact with other people.” Mikasa poured two cups, picking leaves out of one. “Did you never have a house then?”“Well.” He accepted a cup and took a sip. “There was a period of about four years where I stayed in the same place, and it was an actual house, but there were eight of us. You couldn’t even take a piss without it being a social event.”Mikasa took a sip of the tea. It burned her tongue, but it reminded her of home. “A whole house to yourself,” she mused. “Endless cleaning. You’d love that.”“Not necessarily to myself. You could live with me.”Mikasa raised an eyebrow. Levi blushed a little, and it was adorable. On impulse, she leaned over and pressed a kiss to his warm cheek, but then she remembered that she didn’t know what peace looked like.“It’s hard to imagine there ever being an end to all this, let alone there being anything after it.”“True.” They went over the paperwork together as they drank their tea, discussing the training schedule. It grew dark outside, and footsteps and chatter in the corridor signalled that it was supper time.“Shall we go?” Mikasa stood up and stretched.“Actually, if we’re done, then I have a better idea.” Levi stood too, coming up behind her. “You seemed to like it when I was being rough with you earlier.”Mikasa froze, feeling her face grow hot.“And I liked it when you were fighting back.”Suddenly she found herself backed against the desk, papers flying everywhere. Levi’s mouth collided with hers, taking her breath away. His hands pushed at her thighs, causing her knees to buckle, so that she became seated on the desk and he could force his way between her legs. Through her clothing, she could feel his fingernails digging in, and responded by biting his lip.“Argh! Brat.” He grabbed the collar of her shirt and yanked, returning the favour on the newly exposed flesh.“Don’t leave marks,” she warned, even as her eyes rolled back slightly at the mixture of pleasure and pain.“Or what?”In answer, she shoved him suddenly away, with enough force that he fell backwards onto the bed, and straddled him. But then she paused, unsure what to do next.“Pardon the pun, but I think you’ve bitten off more than you can chew.” Levi flipped them over, one of his hands pinning both of hers as his other pulled at his cravat. Mikasa kicked at him a few times for good measure, but as he tied her wrists together with the cravat she felt the fight leave her, to be replaced by an exhilarating fear.Admiring his handiwork, Levi traced her jaw with his fingertip. “I think you’re going to enjoy this as much as I am. But if you want to stop then tell me, okay?”“Okay,” she murmured, the anticipation buzzing on her skin.“Good.” With a smirk, he pushed and she went tumbling off the side of the bed. Mikasa landed on her knees and watched as he unbuckled his belt.“You know what I want you to do, right?”She nodded, and allowed him to pull her by the hair towards his crotch, lips obediently parting.It was exhilarating to forget everything and just do as she was told. Exhilerating in more ways than one, and she squirmed as she felt wetness begin to grow. Levi’s cock was growing steadily harder in her mouth and he pushed harder too, until her eyes began to water. When he decided he’d had enough, he reached down to trace her lips with his thumb, wiping away the drool that had accumulated there.“So pretty,” he whispered, before grabbing her by the shoulders and dragging her up.Levi pushed her into the desk face first, the last few papers scattering across the room, forgotten. He yanked roughly at her trousers and underwear, and something tore.Mikasa’s breath came slow and shallow; she felt like prey, and the fear was delicious.Without any warning, Levi slid himself fully into her. She cried out, and was rewarded with a smack across the back of her head.“Quiet. You don’t want someone coming in and seeing you like this, do you? All submissive and pathetic.”She bit her lip to silence herself as he began to thrust.“Only I get to see you like this.” One of his hands gripping her ass cheek, Levi slid his other under her hips to rub her clit as he fucked her. He grew rougher, and it began to hurt in a good way, in a too good way-“More,” she breathed, and it was like someone else had put the word in her throat.“Beg.”“Please.”Both hands now moulded around her hips, fingernails leaving crescent shaped marks, bruises forming on her flesh as he slammed himself against her, his teeth grazing the back of her neck, and fuck it was too much, fuck-“Cum for me,” Levi growled, and she couldn’t contain her cry, but he didn’t silence her this time. Her legs began to quake as the tortuous euphoria crashed through her, and it seemed like it would never stop.“No more, please,” she gasped, and he pulled out. She heard his grunt and felt his hot sticky load land on her backside, but it felt as though she was watching it from far away, floating in the clouds. “Hey.” Mikasa was vaguely aware of Levi untying her wrists and guiding her to the bed, grabbing a towel to wipe her down. She started to shiver.“Here.” He wrapped the blanket around her shoulders. “Are you sure I wasn’t too rough?”“You were fine.” She managed to say. “Great even.”“So were you.” He kissed her sweaty cheek, then undid the remaining buttons of her shirt and slipped a nightshirt over her head before tucking the blanket around them both.“Do you think someone heard?”“Oh definitely.”“I’ll get revenge,” she mumbled, but suddenly exhaustion claimed her, and she didn’t hear his reply.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Dear Levi,I hope my letter finds you well. It takes a while for news from the Capital to reach here, so I don't know what you're really up to.The 105th trainees are so strange to me. Some are older than me and some are still kids, but its like they were all born into a different world. I guess its because their perceptions of the military are so different now that we actually have victories under our belts.
Shadis still treats them the same, but the rations are so much better- that must be Historia's doing.Eren won't let me cut his hair. Every time I offer he just says he has something to do, but I know he spends most of his time just staring at something the rest of us can't see. I think its Titan memories. Armin has been trying to tune in to the previous Collossals, but he's not having much luck. He says that its probably just because he's not hungry for war the way all the other Titans are, but he seems disappointed.
I miss them both already.
I miss you already too.-Mikasa **** Mikasa,Your letter got to me still sealed which is a good sign, but I still need to be careful. Her Highness has me doing dirty work but I don't mind. It's like cleaning, but with human filth.Perceptions (and this word followed several scribbled-over attempts at the correct spelling) have been shifting, but not fast enough. Some are still loyal to the pretend King and still worship the Walls. Hell, I'm not sure I'd believe what we saw in the basement was real if I heard about it from someone else. Then again, I know Erwin would, and he was never wrong.I hope you're making those brats work hard. You don't need me to tell you this, but don't take any shit.
And look after my tea set.-Levi **** Dear Levi,We heard about the Loyalist riot, it was front page news. I laughed when I saw the illustration- the figure leading the counter-charge is clearly supposed to be you, but much too tall. I tore it out and put it in with this letter.
You never seemed the type to defend the Crown- but then I guess it was the original Ackerman calling.
The seal on your letter had been tampered with. So I think the MPs are still intercepting anything coming out of Sina but not bothering with anything coming in- they must think they know everything.We're taking the Cadet corps to the Wall tomorrow. It's useful to have a safe area where they can actually see a Titan up close- they're nowhere near ready to use ODM gear in mock combat yet but as Armin says, know your enemy. I'm looking forward to getting to see the other Scouts while we're there. I get lonely.Yours,
Mikasa **** Mikasa,I strongly object to your (several scrawled-out misspellings once more) implication that we're born to be ass-kissers. I'd kiss yours though. Enjoy that, whoever is reading my letters.When you get to come to the Capital again, ask to see the royal library- Historia will let you. It's huge. Diaries of the old monarchs are now on display. I've been spending most of my downtime in here. I read about an extinct clan who I think must have been your Mother's family a long time ago- the crest was a bit like that one you showed me. In fact maybe I can borrow the book to send you.I don't like going back Underground. Still lots left to clean though.-Levi **** Dear Levi,I definitely want to know anything you can tell me about my Mother's family, but not in writing. I'm sure I'll have reason to visit the Palace at some point, but for the time being it looks like I'm staying in my training role.I had a dream that I was fighting two men with a knife. It sounds strange now but I'm sure I was you.I don't have much to do when not working so I've started to take up needlework again. I made you some gloves. Winter is drawing in soon and it doesn't sound like you'll be coming back (the words "to me" hastily crossed out) before your birthday. Hange told me when it is and said you never want anything. But I decided you need warm hands.Take care.
-Mikasa**** Mikasa,Thank you for the gloves. Only one knuckle peeks out from between the stitches so you didn't do too bad.I had a dream that I want to tell you about. But it won't fit on one of these stupid little bits of paper. I can't wait until they start making more. The Royal Rep of Aggro- Argi- Farmlands says we nearly have enough firewood stockpiled to keep all the poor warm through winter, and then we can starting mulching again.
Anyway, I woke up from the dream sure I could taste poison. But I'm unharmed.It would be so much easier if we could talk in person. But I'm in quite deep right now, its best I stay here until I know for sure that Historia is safe.You be safe too.
-Levi**** Dear Levi,You must have known through the bond that something happened to me, it's the only explanation I can think of. A few weeks ago I got into a fight with some cadets, they were drinking and talking about how Eren's Titan is going to lead the charge across the sea to conquer other islands and make all their people live behind walls. Soon after I got ill. It turns out their ringleader had managed to slip something into my food while on kitchen duty to try and get his own back. I was alright though. I promise I'm alright.
I hope you are too.With love,
-Mikasa **** Mikasa,The guys working under me can handle it from here. By the time you read this I'll be riding South.All my love.
-Levi ----------------She looked up as the horse came clattering up the road, throwing up clouds of snow. She didn't even stop to grab her scarf before running outside.
As soon as she could see his face, she could see him grinning too."Hey." said Levi."Hey yourself."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The ringing that resonating from the Belltower was loud enough to shake snow from the roofs of the barracks, as a swam of cadets came pouring out into the courtyard in unco-ordinated half-marching, half-jogging movements. One slipped on the ice and was trampled by his panicking peers. "Well that's quite the welcome," quipped Levi as he swung lithely from his horse and landed next to Mikasa with barely a disturbance to the snow.Like a cat, she thought. "News from the Wall!" screeched a young boy who was weaving through the confusion, a scroll of parchment scrunched in a fist above his head. "News from the Wall!" "Alright settle down!" The roar of Commandant Shadis cut through the commotion, and the fifty or so cadets froze as one.Shadis swept through their messy lines to the messenger boy, plucking the parchment held aloft. "Let's see now." Mikasa could make out a brief look of surprise on the man's face, and then just the flash of a smile before he composed himself and bellowed to the crowd. "Listen up maggots! Our comrades in Trost have officially eliminated all Titans from within Wall Maria. That means you miserable shits will be needed for the operation to rebuild and resettle the displaced populations. Do. Not. Fuck. Up!"All of this was said in one breath before he turned on his heel, cloak swishing, and was gone. "They actually did it." Mikasa followed Levi as he led his horse through the now-chattering crowd towards the stables. "I knew they would but I didn't expect it to be so soon. When do you need to report to HQ?" "Well technically I'm AWOL but the Queen is pretty forgiving." Levi winked playfully at her then lowered his tone, suddenly serious. "Show me which one spiked you and I'll make the fucker regret being born." Alarmed at the glint in his eyes, Mikasa shook her head. "If we make a fuss then we risk legitimising their beliefs. Better not to acknowledge anything." "If you say so." Levi was scowling as he looked around them, as though trying to single out the culprit. "Never mind that." Mikasa used her height advantage to distract him by placing both hands gently on his shoulders and steering him into the the stables. "See in the New Year with me. We can be soldiers again tomorrow." He huffed indignantly, but the tension leaving Levi's shoulders was palpable and he allowed himself to lean into her touch for a moment before seeing to the horse. As soon as he was done, Mikasa found herself backed up against the wall, Levi's body heat a stark contrast to the cold stone. His face was inches from hers and the gap was closing."Hey," he murmured once more, and the look on his face was familiar, but new enough to send shivers down her spine. Mikasa opened her mouth to reply but found it suddenly dry. She opted instead to join their lips- but was interrupted by the unsavoury sound and smell of one of the horses relieving itself. "Ew." Levi wrinkled his nose. "Maybe not here." - Mikasa's room was modest, as the training ground didn't usually accommodate veterans as staff. Levi glanced at the narrow bunk and clearly decided it wasn't up to the task, instead kicking the chair aside and lifting her onto the desk. "Did you think about me?" Mikasa asked as he pushed her jacket away from her shoulders. "Of course I did." Levi deftly lifted her to yank her trousers and undershorts down, then set about pulling them off along with her boots. "I mean-" she blushed before remembering there was no time to be shy "-did you think about me when you were alone?" "Of course I did," came the answer again. He was now loosening his own clothes, staring hungrily at her. "Did you?" Mikasa bit her lip and shook her head. "I've tried, but its not the same." "Well you need to learn." Levi grabbed one of her wrists and spat into the palm of her hand before guiding it between her legs. "I can't always be there you know." Finally they kissed, his fingers guiding hers to spread tingling warmth until she felt ready to take him, conveying this by wrapping her legs around his hips to pull him closer. "That's it darling." Levi's soft words were at odds with his teeth grazing her earlobe, his fingernails digging in her thighs. "Learn to take what you want." The desk began to knock against the wall with his thrusts as he made her stroke herself, biting her shoulder to keep quiet. Mikasa felt the ache deep inside swelling, but something about the thought of Shadis somewhere outside the door kept it pushed down. "I won't last much longer," Levi grunted into her flesh. In answer she laced her fingers behind his neck and held him, a silent encouragement. Moments later he separated their bodies and spent himself into his fist with a groan. "Sorry. He muttered sheepishly, pulling out a handkerchief. Mikasa bit back a laugh at his expression, stretching out her cramping legs. "It's alright. I don't need anything else." "If you're sure." Levi caught his foot in his free hand and delicately kissed the arch before stepping back so she could hop off the desk. She nodded and shed the rest of her clothes, pulling a nightshirt from the drawer and plopping down onto the bed. Levi rolled his eyes and neatly folded her discarded garments before joining her, leaning his back against her chest and sighing contentedly. "Where should I start?" Mikasa recalled the unsaid words of his letters. "The dream." "Oh yeah." He shifted to make them more comfortable. "What you said about dreaming you were me? It was just like that. I was here, sat on the hill looking down onto the camp. Making a daisy chain so it sure as shit wasn't my memory. And my wrist was-" he ran his fingers over her scar. "It was still fresh." She couldn't help but gasp. "I remember. My Father scolded me for being in view of the solders." "Well buckle up because it gets weirder." Levi turned to face her now, his own disbelief evident. "The bell rang and I-you- ran down to the mess hall for dinner, and ate, and then suddenly the pain in my stomach was so bad it woke me up. We know we can feel each other's pain, but the aftertaste was in my mouth." Mikasa shuddered at the memory of half-crawling, half-sprinting to the lavatory so her body could eject what she would later surmise to be foxglove tincture. She was glad Levi's access to her mind had ended there."Hange will probably collapse from the excitement at that." she mused. "So you had a memory from when I was a little child, and then suddenly it was happening in real time." "And the memory you got could have been from anytime which is less than helpful." Levi shrugged. "I've had more fights than you've had hot meals. Might even be a glimpse of the future." Mikasa groaned. "This is giving me a headache. You said you found reference to my Mother's ancestors in the library, anything on the Ackermans?" He shook his head. "All purged. I think the only way to explain all this shit is to have Historia transform to gain access to the First King's memories. Seems a bit drastic really." "Yeah." Mikasa laid back, her mind struggling to comprehend what she'd heard. She was more than a little disappointed- the more they learned, the less it seemed to make sense.Levi must have seen it written on her face as he laid down next to her, their elbows bumping. He pulled her hand onto his chest and entwined their fingers. "Maybe its better not to know. This is some freaky shit, Mikasa. I don't want you learning how to pop into my head every night to check on me." "Why not?" The opportunity to tease was too good to waste, him still technically outranking her. "What might you be dreaming that you need to hide from me?" Levi smirked. "There are certain things that you're still too young and pure to know about." Fury crackled inside her for a moment, but she knew he meant no malice. Mikasa decided against slapping him, and instead opted to tickle his exposed ribs. "Wha-" he sprang away in shock. "You little shit. How dare you!?" Mikasa wasn't sure if he was being serious, but it didn't matter. She couldn't control her laughter.Levi made a show of folding his arms and clicking his tongue as he waited for her to finish, but eventually he chuckled. "You're going to be the death of me woman." It was as though he'd never left. She knew it was only a moment, before duty would call again. But for now it was everything. Outside, the sun had set for the final time of the year. The warmth and weight of Levi's body on hers was a comfort that began to induce drowsiness. He pulled the blanket around them both."To the New Year", he whispered and kissed her cheek. Mikasa fell asleep thinking everything was perfect.It was the middle of the night when she awoke bolt upright, screaming so loud she thought her throat would tear. Levi sprang to his feet in an instant, looking around for danger and seeing none. "It's a nightmare." He knelt and took her face in his hands, gently caressing her jaw to coax the scream to an end. "Just a nightmare." But it wasn't. In the darkness, Mikasa licked her dry lips and tasted hot tears streaming down her face. She knew. Somehow she just knew."Eren's going to betray me."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It was like Mikasa was shrivelling up Infront of him. At first Levi tried to comfort her, to help her separate her genuine feelings from the curse of their blood. But she retracted from him, becoming hollow-eyed and vacant. She didn't eat. Her shoulders rounded. Becoming as small and far away as possible.
"This is mine to deal with." Was all she would say, in a flat, lifeless whisper.
Honestly, Levi was relieved to be pushed away. Her current state was repulsive to him.
He left without saying goodbye, and doubted she'd even notice.
*********
"Drink with me." He demanded.
"Why?" Hange blinked at the bottle Levi was holding .
"Because you're the only one left alive who's as fucked up as me."
Aimlessly roaming the hallways on yet another sleepless night, Levi had found himself drawn like a moth to the light seeping out from under the Commander's office door. He entered without knocking and for a fraction of a second he expected to see Erwin, straight-backed and studying the papers in front of him. But it been Hange who occupied the desk chair, in their trademark hunched squat, lips moving as they read.
"Alright, you've convinced me". The commander pushed aside the papers, which scattered everywhere, and reached with a yawning stretch to fetch two glasses from the cabinet behind them. "But you know I don't do interpersonal stuff, so don't expect me to know what's wrong."
Levi uncorked the whiskey with his teeth and poured two glasses, then drained his in one gulp and refilled it. "I don't want to talk about it anyway. What were you working on?"
Hange leaned back, rocking the chair on two legs, and took a sip. "A number of merchants have surmised that we're going beyond the wall as soon as spring comes. Everyone wants to be the first to lay claim to farmland, rivers, whatever. We don't need their gold but if we do find something good we'll certainly need the labour for infrastructure."
"Greedy bastards." Levi scowled. "Bet it's a wasteland out there, that'd show them."
"You don't believe in the ocean then?"
Levi stared into his glass, swilling the golden liquid in a hypnotizing circle. Arlert was a naive dreamer, but his dreams were revelations with impacts beyond measure. Erwin's dreams had had a much narrower,self-serving scope. In the end, it was this which had made him choose who to save. Actually speculating what was out there might force him to reconsider his choice.
But this felt like too much to say aloud so instead Levi just said, "I can't swim."
"You can learn in the river. It easier than using ODM gear."
"I'll stick to the bath, there's less parasites."
"You're no fun." Hange poured more drinks and heaved a sigh which turned into another yawn. "I don't know how Erwin managed it. Even without my own research projects there aren't enough hours in the day."
"That explains why you look like shit."
They rolled their eyes. "Always the charmer. I had one of the chemists knock up something to help keep me focused but it doesn't make me feel good."
Levi held out his hand. "Lemme see."
Hange pulled a small glass bottle out of a drawer and tossed it over. He caught it deftly and held it up to the light to look at the grainy substance inside. Then he pulled out the cork and sniffed. Familiar.
"You better be careful with that stuff." He passed the bottle back over, grimacing. "We used to call it Steam Grit back when we smuggled it to the surface for rich kids to snort at parties."
"I really missed out by having a normal upbringing." The commander mused as they stowed the bottle back in the drawer.
"Normal eh?" Levi swallowed another gulp of whiskey. "How did you end up joining the Scouts then?"
"Okay, maybe I was a little screwed up."
They both stared into the fire for a while. All around them was conspicuously empty space, room for the friends they'd lost over the years.
The room began to swim a little. Levi wondered dryly if it was the alcohol or the unspoken words.
"The thing that you do." Hange suddenly leaned over the desk and grabbed Levi's hand.
He raised an eyebrow at them. "You'll have to be more specific."
"The Ackerman Devotion. It's what I call it in my notes. I need you to promise me." Hange's eyes were unfocused but glinting. "You have to promise not to get it with me like you did with Erwin."
Levi was taken aback. "I don't think it's a conscious choice."
His Commander didn't blink. "Promise me Levi. Don't keep me alive then break when I die. I don't want to put any more burdens on you than I have to, either as your superior officer or your friend."
"Alright, alright." He pulled his hand back, unsure how to respond to the sudden heartfelt vulnerability. "Just don't die yet."
"How could I?" Suddenly they were beaming again. "There's so much left to discover! It's only a couple of months until we- oh shit, I was supposed to..." They started to rummage through the papers on the desk again, mumbling in animated incoherence.
Levi envied the childlike wonder with which Hange could still see. It was something he had long forgotten how to channel.
"I'll finish this in my room. Thanks for the company." He stood to leave, picking up the bottle.
"Oh yeah." Hange didn't look up, already engrossed. "You're sleeping alone again now, right?"
"Yeah."
"What the fuck is that?" Levi demanded, poking at the redness of his exposed neck. "Ow!"
Behind him in the mirror, Erwin chuckled and pulled the shirt the rest of the way off the younger man's shoulders. "It's called sunburn. Your skin isn't accustomed to the bright light and you trained in the heat all day."
"That's bullshit. Why does everything up here want to hurt me?"
He slipped his arms into the stiff white dress shirt that Erwin was passing him.
The Vice-Commander watched him do up the buttons. "I thought that maybe by now you'd have found something that excited you. Not to worry. You'll hate the ball but you'll love the food."
Levi groaned. "I was trying not to think about it. Why do we have to do this shit?"
"Gold." Erwin replied, now fastening cufflinks at Levi's wrists. "We show off our strengths, we get funding."
"And I'm your new party trick."
"That's correct. So I hope you won't threaten anybody. However, you're not on duty, so feel free to indulge in the delights on offer."
Levi hadn't been to many formal events but he could pick up the subtext. Ladies of the aristocracy were sometimes want to swoon for handsome soldiers.
He wondered whether this was how they raised their money. Whether all parts of life involved flesh as a currency, like the sun burning him and the Titans that ate his friends.
"You should know," the Vice-Commander said matter-of-factly as he reached around Levi's shoulders to tie his bow-tie, "that I enjoy the company of other men as bedfellows. And that an invitation will always be extended to you, but I will never broach the topic so as not to make you uncomfortable."
Levi started into the mirror at Erwin. Their eyes met just for a moment, but Erwin's face was impassable. Then he was adjusting Levi's collar as though nothing had happened.
It was something he'd only ever done in exchange for a bed and a hot meal before. A few months later, when he found himself with an itch that needed scratching, Levi crawled one night into Erwin's bed and allowed the other man to touch him. But afterwards Erwin had smiled sadly and said, "You don't have any debt to pay to me, Levi."
He'd just collapsed into his bed when it hit him. A wave of pathetic, desperate pining.
Levi staggered to the bathroom and heaved the contents of his stomach into the toilet bowl, then splashed cold water on his clammy face with trembling hands. It wasn't the drink. It was the feeling, a feeling which he knew belonged to Mikasa.
And the hands touching her were Eren's.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Watch your step Eren, it's icy."His Titan eyes didn't possess the dexterity to roll, but Mikasa was sure she could hear Eren emit the indignant "huff" noise which usually accompanied the gesture."I'm just saying. You'll break more buildings if you fall, not to mention that."Eren was carrying a large boat- well technically, half a boat, but it was nevertheless bigger than any river barge inside the Walls. It had been Armin's idea to construct an armoured ship in two halves and use Titan power to move it out past the Gates where deeper water awaited.Leading the security escort, Mikasa couldn't help but feel that they needn't have bothered. From her perch on Eren's shoulder she could see civilians leaning out of windows and craning their necks from the street to wave as they cheered."That's him, that's Eren! He's going to save us all!""Gods be with you Jaeger!"Someone had even made a flag- a bedsheet haphazardly daubed with the Wings of Freedom, superimposed by a poorly-proportioned figure that was presumably Eren.It was Mikasa's turn to roll her eyes. Crouched on a rooftop to her left, she could just make out Jean doing the same.Outside was eerily quiet. A thick blanket of snow still covered the ground, devoid of Titan footprints. Mikasa was relieved when she caught sight of the horses with their green-cloaked riders."Eren, Mikasa! Down here!" Armin waved excitedly, indicating the space which had been ear-marked as a shipyard. Currently it was just a large mound of wood, awaiting construction by human hands which would succumb to frostbite. It was hard to imagine that in just a few years, maybe even months, this barren landscape would be a bustling dock for merchants- or soldiers.Mikasa guided Eren through carefully placing the half-ship down at the water's edge- the building company had been keen to stress the expensiveness of the project. There was a great flurry of movement on the ground as the men hurried to secure it with ropes before it slid down the snowy bank.Up here, the world made more sense. She could see the big picture-literally. Those down below could only see the pieces, but Mikasa had a bird's eye view of the whole chess board.As Eren turned back towards the Wall to fetch the rest of the ship, Mikasa noticed movement in the corner of her eye. A flock of birds heading North, a fluent grey mass shadowing the weak sun. Spring was coming.----- Levi sipped his tea as he stared out of the window. He could see birds on the horizon, the first of the year. Levi didn't allow himself to get sentimental very often, but just for a moment he indulged in the memory of Isabel's face when she first saw a whole flock. Her face had glown with flush of wonder, much the same way Farlan's did when he watched her watching the birds."Captain?"The voice held just a pinch of sarcasm, as though its owner didn't recognise his rank. Zackly."What?" Levi sighed as he returned his attention to the room, to the present."Your vote, if you'd be so kind."The Commanders and their trusted committees had spent hours pouring over the International Proposal, a hundred-page document detailing the rights and responsibilities of each division in every foreseeable scenario, from acting as gracious ambassadors to detaining and torturing prisoners. It was already in its sixth draft.Levi's patience was wearing thin. He wasn't sleeping without drink and couldn't risk dulled senses from hangovers with those corrupt MPs around, so he'd been awake for nearly three days now. Steam grit and strong tea kept him alert but at the cost of a pounding heart and a crawling itch on his skin."I vote that this is bullshit." He found himself getting to his feet, the chair scraping noisily on the tiles. He was just a pawn, temporarily drinking tea around a mahogony table with those who would sacrifice him in a second in order to move forward a square. And he was tired of it. "I don't know why you're even pretending to consider my opinion. Whatever happens, you'll just point me in the direction of the thing you want killing."He was being a prick and he knew it, but he just couldn't bring himself to care anymore.A sharp elbow wedged itself between his ribs. "If you'll excuse us for just a moment, Premier. My sincerest apologies."Hange was all but dragging him out by the cravat out of the room and into the corridor. "What the hell?" They demanded.Levi slumped against the rough stone wall and exhaled, feeling his annoyance fade. "You know I don't like meetings."His Commander leant against the wall opposite, brows knitted in a frown. "Yes, I know. But if we don't pass this draft then we risk making more concessions. We need free reign out there, you know we do. No-one else understands."They were right, of course. The Military Police were too patriotic and the Garrison were pushovers. It was the Scouts who were trusted most closely by the Queen, who held two Titan shifters in their ranks along with the last two known Ackermans. And it was Erwin's legacy they had to uphold."Vote for the agreement Levi. Please. Then we have a majority and this will all be finished with."Levi rubbed his eyes, digging palms into sockets to dispel dust that wasn't really there. "Fine. I'll vote. But you owe me, Three-Eyes."He made sure to saunter back into the meeting room just so they all knew, that he knew, he was wasting their precious time. Without speaking or looking up, he added his name to the "Agree" column on the list, then returned to his seat and stared out the window until the meeting was adjourned and everyone else stood to leave."Get some sleep," Hange murmured as they filed out behind Zackly.His tea was cold now. Levi continued to sit and stare as it grew dark outside.----"Alright Armin, we get it. You were a genius again. We don't need the details."Connie was laughing to show there was no malice in his words as he passed around another bottle, a gift of gratitude from the boatbuilding company."You don't get it!" Armin protested, his face flushed from either the compliment or the wine. "Those ships aren't just defensively advantaged. The on-board filtration tanks mean that-""-That we'll never run out of clean water, even after months in the ocean. We know." Jean hiccupped as he smirked, and dropped the tankard that he was topping up. "Aw crap. These trousers are new.""Jean pissed himself!" Sasha sang in a shrill voice, earning a kick.Mikasa was only half-watching them. She could see Eren nursing his drink in silence, unlike the others. When he got to his feet and left, she followed."Hey."Eren turned to look at her but seemed to be staring straight through her. "Hey."Mikasa reached out and tucked his hair behind his ear so she could see his face. "You're not joining in the fun. What's wrong?"Eren didn't flinch away from her, but he didn't meet her gaze either. "I don't think you'd understand."Not for the first time, Mikasa wondered how much she should, or shouldn't, say. Eren knew that she was wired to protect him and drew her abnormal strength from this calling. He had no idea about the connection with Levi and how it had led her to that horrific prophecy dream. She hadn't seen or felt anything since, no helpful hints as to how or when it might come about."I don't need to understand." She decided. "I'm going to get another bottle and we're going to sit on the roof and drink, and you can talk while I listen.""The roof?" Eren's eyes widened; he was actually looking at her now."Yeah. It's a good place to think." Mikasa slipped back inside unnoticed, the others now boisterously teasing the new recruits about something or other. She picked up one of the wine bottles then rejoined Eren, leading him to a spot where it was easy to climb up onto the roof. It was cold, exposed. As he drank Eren began to recount fragmented memories that belonged to their- to his- father. He shivered. Mikasa took off her scarf and wrapped it around Eren's neck. Her fingers lingered, then she began to stroke his hair in the way that she knew Levi found relaxing. It seemed to work on Eren too.She needed him to need her. If this was the way then so be it."Can you keep a secret, Mikasa?""Of course." She tried not to sound too eager."Historia wants..." Eren fidgeted, took his time swigging from his tankard before continuing. "She wants to have a child with me, before anyone tries to turn her. We don't know what the combined bloodlines of the Royal family and a Titan shifter could be capable of, but its too much potential to pass up on.""Oh." Mikasa nodded her head in understanding, feeling the alcohol tilting the world slightly. "You never mentioned wanting kids. I think we both expected to die in battle before getting that far.""It's not that." In the moonlight, Eren's blush was just visible. "I've... never even kissed anyone before. Let alone... you know.""I have," she blurted out. "It's not that difficult."Eren's mouth opened in shock, then closed again. It was several seconds before he spoke."Can you show me?"
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Levi hated communal washrooms. But there was no mirror in his bedroom here at the Garrison barracks, and the ornate handheld one which had once belonged to Erwin was at the bottom of his trunk back at HQ.He had to tip-toe to properly see under his chin, it was fucking embarrassing. But the two young men in the showers seemed to be fairly engrossed in each other, which at least meant they weren't looking at him.Levi carefully slid the razor blade upwards along his neck through the soap lather. He was vaguely aware that he looked like shit, and whilst he didn't exactly sprout a full beard it was definitely several days past when he would usually deal with the stubble. It itched. All of him itched.A line of red appeared against the white. "Fuck", he hissed, realising his hands were shaking. He rinsed off the rest of the soap and dried his hands before turning to the neatly-folded clothes on the bench behind him. The small glass bottle was nestled in the breast pocket of his jacket. Levi fumbled with the cork, dipped his little finger into the coarse powder, rubbed it on his gum. The tremors stopped almost instantly and he exhaled slowly."You're bullshitting."Levi hurriedly slipped the bottle back into his pocket just as the door opened and three soldiers breezed in, laughing loudly."No, I saw them myself! Sneaking out!"With no interest in gossip, he returned to the mirror and began to comb through his hair, hacking at the strands which seemed too long with the blade. It definitely wasn't the neatest, but the only people he would ever ask for help were currently dead.Then a name drifted through the steam. Mikasa.His grip tightened on the edge of the basin, knuckles white. He felt shaky again, and this time it was nothing to do with the fatigue that he was fighting off with more and more Grit.Levi tossed the towel that was around his waist onto the bench and stepped into the shower, turning on the hot water and letting it rinse the hair trimmings from his neck. Let it burn his skin as he listened to what they were saying.***When they were ten, Mikasa had persuaded Eren to sneak out in the night and go down to the river to look for a monster. It wasn't real of course, just one of Grisha's cautionary fairy tales that he would tell. But for some time she'd worried about the poor creature alone under the water, unable to come out in daylight lest it scared humans.She wasn't sure why she was reminded of this now. Whether or not monsters got lonely remained to be seen, but they were sneaking out for Eren's tryst with the Queen."You know you could get permission," she'd remarked, but he had shook his head. "I don't want anyone knowing. Not even the Commander."The first time, he had been clearly terrified, and returned with a somewhat dazed grin that she'd seen on a few of the other boys (and hoped she'd not worn herself after her own deflowering). A few weeks later the black-cloaked rider had returned to deliver a coded message to Eren that their attempt was unsuccessful and another would be scheduled."Are you sure you want to do this?" She asked for the millionth time.Eren didn't look at her. "I'll see you at dawn", was all he said as he climbed onto the horse behind the mystery rider, who had their face covered as always.Mikasa watched them disappear into the night, heading towards an undisclosed location where Historia would be waiting with more of her faceless guards.She could head back to bed until it was time to smuggle Eren back in, but in truth she felt no desire for sleep. A restlessness had begun to plague her at night. She knew that it belonged to Levi, but she couldn't let herself be distracted by him. Whatever synchronicity they had never meant anything good.Mikasa climbed the gate with practised ease. Although there were soldiers on night watch, they were focused on the Wall or the storage sheds. She'd memorised the pattern of shift changes after taking a few night watches of her own.As she slipped back into the main building, Mikasa wrestled internally with indecision. It had begun to feel as though she was carrying too many secrets. Whilst she would respect Eren and Historia's privacy, something had to give. Mikasa was a fighter, not a thinker.Her decision was made by the voices of Armin and the Commander drifting from the mess hall. They had books and paper spread out across multiple tables and were talking very quickly and animatedly about something.Mikasa knocked on the open door to announce her presence, saluting out of habit as they both looked up."Mikasa. Come in," Hange smiled.She closed the door behind her. "Excuse me. I wondered if I could talk to you both about something."Armin pushed aside the diagram he was drawing- on a tablecloth, for lack of a large enough peice of parchment- and gestured for Mikasa to sit. "What's the matter?"She took a few deep breaths and twisted her fingers in her lap before speaking. "You know I have this... thing with Eren.""Ackerman Devotion." They chorused. It was creepy."Yeah. Well, don't ask me how, but a while ago I had this, epiphany I suppose? Like when I know he's in danger, but this time I knew he was going to do something... something bad."Three wide eyes were looking at her. "I didn't want to say anything because it was so out of the blue. But you must have seen how distant he's become. I have a suspicion that he's planning something."Armin reached for one of the many books and flicked through, revealing a page in his own writing. "We had this theory," he explained, "In the same way that the anybody who inherited Fritz's Titan began to think and act like him, that all other Shifters would be subject to this too."Mikasa scanned the hastily-written notes. Some kind of dream diary, with dates.
Walked through a valley setting fire to wooden houses. Screams. Unrecognisable language.
Kicked the Gate open. Didn't want to. Couldn't fight it.
Some sort of stone amphitheater. Child transformed into Titan and ate me. Music and cannons.
"It's a lot less practical for Armin to assume his Titan form due to its sheer size and heat," Hange was saying. "And if we're being honest, he has a much greater handle on his emotions than Eren. So his connection to the previous wielders is weak. But it's still there.""So, you don't just see their memories, you experience them?"Armin nodded.Like Levi's dream, she almost said aloud, but caught herself just in time. "And Eren's connection to the previous wielders is probably influencing him."It was the Commander's turn to nod. "We know that your bloodline possesses the ability to defend humanity from Titans, both mindless and special. Maybe we'll never know how. But I have every reason to trust your instincts. You did the right thing by telling us, Mikasa."She bit her lip."I don't want anyone to hurt Eren.""Neither do I." Armin murmured solemnly. "I hope it won't come to that. Just keep your eyes on him, alright?""I will." Mikasa made to leave but he caught her wrist."I'm sorry I've been caught up in this all day. We've been trying to design a- well never mind. Happy birthday.""Thanks." Mikasa smiled her first genuine smile in some time. She hadn't even realised the date.It felt pointless going to bed now, so she returned to her hiding spot near the gate to wait for Eren, wrapping her cloak tighter around herself against the cold.Sure enough, a single horse approached just as the sky was beginning to lighten the tiniest amount.Eren was lost in thought. In silence, Mikasa helped him to climb over the gate and led him towards the barracks.But as they turned the corner, someone spoke."Oi."Startled, Mikasa looked up at the figure on the roof.Levi.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Mikasa instinctively took a protective step in front of Eren, but Levi didn't even look at him as he landed on the ground in front of them and crossed his arms."Ackerman, don't move. Get the fuck out of my sight Jaeger." His icy words were slightly slurred.
Eren was smart enough to make himself scarce.Mikasa took a hesitant step forward to get a better look at Levi in the half-light. His eyes were bloodshot and framed by dark circles that contrasted unflatteringly with his unusually pale face.
"Are you drunk or something?" She demanded. "You look like crap."
Levi snorted a laugh, but it was hollow and humourless. "Guess you haven't seen yourself recently. I have to be something, Mikasa, because you're in my fucking head."
She felt a twist of guilt in her stomach, but it was quickly turning into anger. "You're in mine too, you know."
"Oh yeah?" He lifted his chin so that he was looking down at her with a sneer. "Even when you're fucking him?"
A cracking noise ricocheted through the air as Mikasa slapped him. Levi was caught off balance and staggered backwards, only just managing to stay upright.
A million words of rage began to course through her blood, but Mikasa had not settled on what to say when her mouth opened and the words fell out.
"You left me!"
"You pushed me away!"Rubbing his reddening cheek, Levi glanced around before lowering his tone to a volume more appropriate for a personal conversation in the early hours. He spoke through gritted teeth."If you'd taken a break from moping around punishing yourself, you'd have realised that I've been through it too. I was bonded to someone who sent my loved ones to their deaths, over and over again. But you didn't think. Because you're a fucking child."
To her absolute horror, Mikasa burst into tears. She wanted to yell, to fight, but she could only sob.
Levi looked stricken. He reached a hand out, as though to offer comfort or an apology, but she recoiled. There was no time left for tenderness, no use for softness anymore.
It felt like forever before she could speak again."I'm tired." Mikasa hated how her voice quivered. "I don't want to need you. Or anyone."
Levi was now staring down at the ground, at his trembling hands. "Same." He whispered.
She didn't want to be here anymore. Mikasa turned on her heel, swallowing the lump in her throat and drying her face with the end of her scarf as she walked quickly away.
Once out of sight of the building she broke into a run. The momentum carried her faster, further, letting the sunrise blur in her still-leaking eyes and her cloudy cold breath turn into laboured pants. Nowhere seemed far enough away.
Mikasa had no idea where she was when her legs finally gave out beneath her. She felt the dampness of melting snow at her knees, and then finally nothing.
___
"Ah Captain, what can I do for you?"
The doctor smiled and looked up, adjusting his delicate wire spectacles.
In answer, Levi dropped the empty glass bottle onto the desk. "I need a refill."
The doctor looked shocked. "That was supposed to be a full month of doses, and you've gone through it in a week. Perhaps these stimulants effect everyone differently, but you must understand this is only a trial. Based on your physical stature I can't authorise an increased prescription. We don't know the long term effects yet."
Levi balled his hands into frustrated fists. He knew of another doctor, who ran consultations in a dingy alleyway and would certainly have what he needed. For the right price of course.
And not just the stimulants. Hallucinogenic potions, pills that numbed everything, opiates with their hazy smoke of absolute euphoria. He thought of that feeling, better than flying or fighting or fucking.
Then he thought of beggars on the street with their noses rotted to the bone, the blood-curdling screams of infants born addicted, the filthy poisoned money that had once lined his own pockets being passed from a trembling hand in exchange for slow, seductive death.
Levi sighed heavily and looked at the doctor. Self-righteous old bastard.
"In which case, you'd better book me in for a couple of days. This could get ugly."
______
The hospital ward at Garrison HQ was much more modern and well-equipped than it's Survey Corp counterpart; Mikasa awoke squinting to bright light in a surprisingly comfortable bed, the last but one from the wall. Everything was crisp starched white, including the curtain separating her and the only other occupied bed. A thermometer was poked between her dry lips.
"You were found unconscious near the river bank about twelve hours ago." A nurse was telling her in a monotone, not looking up from his clipboard. "You appear uninjured, but generally unwell. Your temperature is"- he removed the thermometer from her mouth to read- "Stabilising. You are signed off any duties and required to remain under observation until the doctor is satisfied."Then he strode away, disappearing into the office on the far side of the room.
It was embarrassing, the idea that a seasoned soldier might neglect their own basic needs. Still, it was better than anyone knowing the details of her emotional weakness.
Mikasa reached for the pitcher on the table at her side and gulped down the water. She was hungry too; hopefully they would bring her food.
A noise to the left made her look round, and she saw the curtain being drawn back. The occupant of the end bed was Levi.
He was smiling awkwardly as he weakly waved his cravat. A white flag.
Mikasa had never seen him like this; the effort of sitting up was clearly a lot for him as he shivered, the white hospital gown clinging to him with sweat. He looked... small.
"Oh." The concern must be showing on her face as Levi glanced at himself. "Don't worry. It's called detox, I'll be fine soon." Even his voice was weak.
She decided to let it pass, nodding instead at the cravat. "What's that for?"
Levi leaned himself back in the bed, wincing with the movement. "I'd like to talk, Mikasa. Or at least, I'd like you to hear me out while I apologise and explain myself. And it looks like we're both stuck here for a while. So..." He trailed off, clearly trying not to appear hopeful.
Mikasa lay back down and closed her eyes. "Alright then."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Lately, whenever Levi needed to make some kind of speech, he imagined himself pacing in Erwin's office. His old Commander had possessed an innate ability to calmly ask all the right questions, prompting him to find the right words. Beyond that, Erwin had never voiced his judgments, even when they were illustrated on his face. Levi had never been quite able to explain how much he appreciated this- although perhaps his own expression had given it away.
He rolled carefully into his side to look at Mikasa, ignoring the pain in his stomach. She was sitting on the bed hugging her knees, looking at nothing.
What are you feeling Levi, and why?
"I feel guilty. I shouldn't have called you a child. I was angry at everything and I took it out on you."
"You're not wrong though", she murmured. "I didn't explain myself, or listen to you."
Levi laughed, then winced. "One of the things we have in common is a lack of good role models when it comes to this shit. You have room to grow and learn still, but I think I'm a bit doomed on that front."
A small smile flickered on Mikasa's face at this.
The things we say in the heat of the moment- do we really mean them? Did we mean it at the time?
Levi hesitated.
"About Eren. I knew something had happened through the damned bond. But I guess it's not my business."
She looked at him now, slightly flushed.
"It wasn't like that... Like we were I mean. He wanted to practise a bit. He's sort of with someone, who's new to it too."
Levi couldn't help but feel relieved, but then scowled.
"You were okay with it though? It wasn't some weird Ackerman compilation where you couldn't say no?"
Mikasa gave him a dead-pan stare. "I'm not some mindless slave. I can decide things for myself."
"Good." He resettled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, trying to sort through the muddle of thoughts and feelings.
"You should know," he said after a minute, "I've never really had what you'd call a romantic relationship."
He shouldn't be embarrassed. But he was.
"Really?" The surprise was evident in her tone.
"Yep." Levi chuckled again. "I'll let you in on a secret. Proper adults don't actually know what the fuck we're doing. We just make it up as we go along."
"So..." Mikasa seemed embarrassed too, and this was some comfort. "You normally just sleep with people and not care?"
When she put it like that... Ouch.
"Well not exactly, but let's just say there's something different this time. And..."
Just say it Levi, exactly the way you said it to me.
"And I don't think that was fair on either of us. I'm screwed up, and so are you, but not as much. You're smart, but I don't think you really knew what you were letting yourself in for."
He blinked forcefully at the ceiling.
Mikasa reached for the scarf that was folded at the foot of her bed and fiddled with it as she digested his words. The silence might have gone on forever had not the nurse swept noisily into the room.
Levi allowed the man to check his temperature and listen to his heart before doing the same to Mikasa. An assistant wheeled in a cart with bowls of soup for them both.
His remained untouched.
When they were alone again, Mikasa let out a heavy sigh as she stirred her soup.
"It was a mistake to get too close. Like you said, we're both screwed up. But I don't want to hate each other. And..." She glanced around as though double-checking for eavesdroppers. "There's a reason we have this connection. We shouldn't try to block it out. Maybe it's alright to need each other a little bit."
Levi closed his eyes, thinking of the fire that burned between them. Volatile, erupting into fury or passion with equal damage. But he thought too of their synchronised movements in battle, each complimenting the other's ability, as they fought once more for a cause so much bigger than anything they could say or do or feel.
"Maybe you're right."
How do you wish to conclude? Does anything feel unfinished?
"Levi?"
"Hmm?"
Mikasa placed her empty bowl on the bedside table. "The feelings. You know." She gestured at the space between them, biting her lip. "I'll get over them, right?"
"Yeah."
Fuck, this was hard work. The exhaustion he'd fought off for so long was beginning to eat away at his thoughts, but now it felt less like a death sentence and more like a warm blanket.
Levi cleared his throat. "Thank you. For the listening and stuff."
"Thanks," Mikasa murmured. "And I'm sorry too. Let's not hurt each other anymore."
"Agreed." He reached out for the curtain between their beds. "I gotta rest now. You should do the same."
He pulled the curtain closed, and exhaled slowly. What would Erwin's face have looked like after that? Levi couldn't help but picture a smirk.
Sleep claimed him. With Mikasa five feet and a thin white curtain away, he felt safe.
—
The next morning, Mikasa was cleared for discharge-on the condition of no training or labour for a few more days. Naturally, she would find a way to keep busy.
Mikasa glanced at the curtain between the beds as she dressed; on the other side, Levi was snoring softly. He'd been out cold since their conversation the day before.
She hadn't been fully conscious of the depths in which her pain was buried, until now. Pain from the struggle of keeping Eren close, but also pain from keeping Levi at a distance. In the night she'd allowed herself to cry, remembering an uncharacteristically sombre warning from her father about not letting the boys hurt her as he tucked her into bed. More tears had come at the realisation that any innocent childhood memories she still had were now so foreign, as though that could never have been her life
Today, she could feel relief. Half hers and half not.
"I need a work assignment". Mikasa saluted the officer overseeing this week's rotations. "I've been on medical leave but I'm eager to keep occupied, sir ."
"Hmm." The officer squinted at her. He was old, by soldier standards at least. Probably in charge of Domestic Operations because his bones wouldn't bear the weight of ODM gear anymore. "Well, they could use another pair of hands in the stables. But it's not a pleasant task. You'll regret offering."
"Sounds perfect." she saluted again.
It turned out that wolves had been on the prowl in the night, and two horses had injured themselves in panic by throwing themselves at the doors to try and escape.
"Let's get 'em out their misery." The stable-master handed her a large knife. "And nothing gets wasted."
It was a brutal job, and seemingly never-ending. Skin for leather, hair for string, bones for glue. Not to mention the tough flesh that had to be cut into strips for drying. Even this form of meat would be a morale boost in field rations. The young man who came to collect waste for fertiliser had mentioned how all of Operations were currently preparing in some way or another for extended time beyond the Wall.
Mikasa was relieved to hear the dinner bell. She took off the thick apron and gloves and threw them in the wash bucket and headed to the mess hall, where she was pleasantly surprised to see Armin and Eren sat in a corner together.
"Where have you been?" Eren wrinkled his nose in distaste as he looked up at her. Mikasa realised that the protective equipment hadn't absorbed all the evidence of her day's work.
"Butchering",she replied nonchalantly, stuffing bread into her mouth.
Armin was sat behind an enormous book, as usual. "Good to see your appetite is back", he smiled. "I was worried."
He slid his hand over the table to cover hers. Mikasa was surprised at the gesture, and then noticed the tiny scrap of paper in his palm. Carefully, she took it. After waiting a minute, she pretended to drop her spoon and peeked at the note while ducked under the table.
Need to talk, just the three of us.
“Aren't we lucky?” Armin was now saying. “Tomorrow is both pay-day and leave. I heard a bunch of people are going out.”
Mikasa nodded in understanding. “Yeah. It’ll be nice not to be cooped up.”
Eren was the last to catch on as usual, aided by a kick under the table. “Huh? Oh, right. We should all go.”
The following afternoon, the three of them followed the excited crowd out of the gates. The first Spring Market was in town, stallholders loudly singing of their wares while the smell of hot pastries wafted through the air. It was the perfect environment in which to go unnoticed; Mikasa slipped easily into an alleyway and it wasn’t long before the boys joined her.
“I smell rats.” Armin murmured, pulling up his hood. “I trust the Commander and everyone left of our old squad. But I suspect that somebody from the Garrison or the new recruits is working to sabotage Operation Outside.”
He looked directly at Eren as he continued. “All three of us are on different paths now. But we should know each others’ aims so we can best look out for one another.”
Eren fixed his eyes on the ground. “I trusted Mikasa so it’s only fair to tell you too. I’ve been meeting Historia in secret. She wants to become pregnant.”
Mikasa almost laughed at the expression on Armin’s face.
“But there’s something else. My Titan was supposed to be held by the royal bloodline, and I can feel part of those powers when I touch her. There’s no way to activate them on my own, but she can’t leave the safety of the palace.”
She hadn’t known this much. Mikasa grabbed Eren by the wrist. “What powers?”
Eren shook his head. “I don’t really understand. The memories I inherited showed me- or the wielder- putting thoughts into someone else’s mind. Ow, Mikasa!”
She realised that her nails had dug red crescent-moons into his wrist and hurriedly let go, heart pounding. “A while back…”
“Mikasa had some sort of premonition about your actions in the future.” Armin interrupted, with a glance at her. “We thought it was an Ackerman ability but it could also have been part of your Titan’s power.”
“What did you see?” Eren demanded.
She licked her suddenly dry lips. The way he was looking at her was… scary.
“I didn’t really see anything.” Mikasa whispered. “But I felt you betray us all.”
He was silent for perhaps thirty seconds, turning away as he digested this. When he turned back, his eyes were wet and his voice was strangled.
“I need you to stop me. Both of you. If I lose sight of our cause or become a threat, I need you both to promise you’ll stop me.”
Mikasa swallowed, and nodded. Armin nodded too.
Eren exhaled, the panic fading. “Thank you. What do you know about your abilities?”
She checked that they hadn’t drawn any attention, but the narrow alleyway was still clear at both ends.
“I learned a little about the way we become almost imprinted on someone, which would originally be the monarch, but even with a true Queen now it seems to still be a person who saved us once. Obviously for me that’s you, and Levi-” she felt herself blush saying his name, but tried to ignore it- “Did the same with Commander Erwin. We’ve done some experiments, and our bloodline seems to have some communication ability similar to your Titan. Sharing dreams or being able to tell when the other needs help. We can’t turn it on or off at will.”
“But maybe the Royal Titan could.” Armin was wide-eyed as his mind connected the dots. “To call their most trusted soldiers. We need to be quick now, someone might notice us. Commander Hange and I have finalised the formation for the first trip. A scout party is going down the river first, the fastest and most resourceful. Naturally they want to be in it. The supply wagons and the third group will go out together, but opposite sides of the river. The third group is me and Eren and some soldiers to protect us.”
“I need to be in that squad,” Mikasa said immediately, but Armin shook his head.
“If there are any double agents, we can transform to handle them. You need to go with the advance party so that you can move easily to pass messages.”
He was right, of course he was.
“Okay.”
He flashed her a grateful smile. “Alright. Thank you both. Leave in opposite directions. And don’t forget to act surprised at the briefing.”
Mikasa weaved her way back into the market square in a twisting pattern, making sure she wasn’t being tailed. She hadn’t said anything about that incident at the training camp, still hadn’t told anyone but Levi. If Eren was to be pulled apart between two choices, the last thing he needed was knowing he had supporters. Better to show that herself and Armin were his truest allies.
A clinking in her pocket reminded her that she was carrying her wages. Mikasa stopped on the way home to buy a wooden box of spiced black tea and a small clay pot.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Levi left the hospital ward two days later, fully restored and absolutely gagging for a proper bath. It was some mercy that his room here had a proper tub with taps.There was no lock on the door however, and he was busy scrubbing dried sweat from his chest when Hange burst in."There you are!""Haven't you heard of knocking?" He threw the washcloth at them."Gross!" They caught the cloth but didn't quite manage to dodge the spray of droplets. "Glad to see you back to your charming self. I did visit you but you were out of it.""I'm sure you brought fruit and flowers and wept by my bedside." Levi reached for a towel. "What do you want anyway?""Meeting room in fifteen minutes." Hange's face cracked into a huge grin. "It's time to reveal my plan!"The outside world had ceased to exist in his mind in recent weeks. Whilst he may not share their excitement, it would certainly do him good to have a mission again."Fine. But can you piss off so I can get dressed?"Hange wrinkled their nose. "Certainly. None of us particularly enjoy the sight of your pale ass."They threw the cloth back as they turned to leave. There were only trusted Scouts around the table. Mikasa, Eren, Connie, Jean, Sasha. Armin drawing diagrams on the chalkboard. The exception, a tall thin man with roses on his jacket, followed Hange into the room just as Levi sat down."Everyone, this is Captain Zimmer." Hange announced. "I'll let him explain his presence.""Thank you." the man suluted to the room. "I am Captain Franz Zimmer. I was a member of the Survey Corps in my younger years. However a spinal injury ruined my ability to ride a horse and so I was forced away from the action. I am now the military's most senior cartographer."Everyone looked blank as the newcomer took a seat, except for Armin."He makes maps!" Hange made a show of exasperation. "We go way back, we were cadets together. So I can attest to his value. Now-" they took up position in front of the chalk board, Armin handing them a pile of notes. Phase one of Operation Outside will be as small as we can make it. No fanfare, just travel as far as we can then come straight back. I want a list of names that any of you could vouch for, men who won't blab. A half-dozen should suffice, to man the supply wagons. Captain Zimmer will accompany them. Eren and Armin-" Hange pointed to the diagram on the board- "will travel seperately so that in event of any Titan combat, we won't risk damaging supplies. Jean, Sasha and Connie will accompany them as a guard. As for myself, Captain Levi and Mikasa, we will ride ahead. We're the fastest, so we'll be able to relay messages to the other groups."They paused here."Mikasa, aren't you going to object?"Levi looked at her. To his surprise, she shrugged. "No Commander. You know best."Wow, the brat was maturing.Connie had his hand up like a schoolkid. "Excuse me Commander, why do we have to keep it quiet? It's not like we're acting without backing. And none of us are traitors right?" He looked around the room as if double-checking no more of his friends were secretly Titans."That's just it!" Hange clapped excitedly, dropping their notes. "We know that nobody has been in or out of the gates in the past two months, Zackly has ensured that the guards actually do their job. But the people across the sea have technologies we can hardly even dream of. For all we know, they have ways of passing information without needing to send messengers! There could be traps waiting for us. More Titan Shifters, or cannons that don't need to be manually operated, or-"Levi cleared his throat loudly. "Quit rambling.""Right. Yeah." Hange flipped through papers. "I've envisioned as many scenarios as possible. Many of them can be dealt with using Eren's hardening ability but that's a finite resource. Obviously Armin's Titan can't carry anything due to fire risk, but we only need to establish the course of the river before we can start using the boats. New boots for everyone are arriving tomorrow in case of terrain unsuitable for horses, and you'll all carry long range weapons."By the end of the meeting, everyone was able to recite the plan word for word, even Sasha. All the papers were tossed into the fire and Hange made sure to scrub the chalkboard clean."One week." They reminded the dispersing group. "Say your prayers and service your gear." After sitting for so long he was desperate to get moving, and headed to the training ground. A few cocky youngsters were eager to go one-on-one with him. There was even a betting pool apparently. But even after being laid up for four days, Levi was still far too good.It was boring.He wondered if Mikasa would be up for sparring, but she'd disappeared after the meeting and was nowhere to be found. Levi sighed in reservation and headed out of the gates, as his rank permitted. He had no destination in mind, but was sure he'd find something to occupy him.He found himself in a tavern, sitting at the bar in front of an untouched tankard. It looked respectable enough, but something was his causing his Underground senses to tingle. A distraction, if nothing else.Levi took a few sips of the mediocre ale as he glanced carefully around. Two men drinking and joking in front of the fire, wearing clothes slightly too fine for the roughness of their voices. Posture indicating they were comfortable in this environment- so they clearly spent a lot of time here. Not brazen enough to show off their wealth with pocket watches or the like, so not gamblers. Not thugs either by the look of their hands. A trade then.The woman carrying a jug caught his eye and weaved through the tables towards him. She was all curves and blonde curls. He smelled expensive perfume as she leaned over to refill his tankard and murmured, "My husband likes to watch."Either she had a wealthy lover, or the house took a cut of whatever was going on here. Levi sat and watched a while longer. In the glass bottles stacked behind the bar, he could see the reflections of several customers come in, greeting the innkeeper who pushed two tables together to set up a game for them. His wife brought them over a pitcher and a tray of tankards.Levi followed the woman into the back room. She was talented on her knees, earning an approving nod from the husband who lingered in the doorway, and he suspected that she ran the show in more ways than one. He barely even registered finishing, until she smacked her lips with a satisfied smirk. Clearly that wasn't the itch that needed scratching today.Outside was growing dark. Nearly time for the vermin to come out. Levi pulled up the hood of his cloak and lingered. It wasn't long before the suspicious pair of men left the tavern. He was able to tail them easily, sticking to the shadows."What time is the shipment due?" One was asking.The other laughed. "About three hours ago. That Winstein doesn't understand the word haste. So we should be right on time."They were heading for the docks, lighting pipes nonchalantly. The practiced air of being in the right place at the right time; no reason for suspicion.Levi blended seamlessly into the shadow of soot-covered wall, so he wouldn't be revealed by the streetlamps- a recent addition to the previously murky docks. Much safer for the night workers. The two men greeted the foreman with familiarity and were directed to inspect a pile of crates."Weapons?" The taller one asked incredulously. "Those refugees won't have the money to arm themselves with anything more than pitchforks. You'll never sell it for a profit.""Keep your voice down! Look." The other, older-looking, pulled out a pocket knife and prised open a crate to reveal the contents. "Scrap metal. Dirt instead of gunpowder. Half market value and they'll think they're getting a steal."The first nodded in comprehension before turning to the foreman. "And the real things?""Already in storage. Our source is securing a buyer."Levi had heard enough. It was show time."Gentlemen. I don't believe we've had the pleasure." He didn't blink as they whipped around and drew their weapons. The workers unloading crates froze, mouths hanging comically open."Let me guess. You get to make a hefty profit on both the real and counterfeit goods, and then when you send your minions to plunder the settlements they'll have a nice easy time of it."Disgusting.The foreman was unarmed but balling his hands into fists. The two men from the inn had guns, but clearly weren't accustomed to using them.One went down with a kick in the knees, the other went staggering backwards with a smack to the jaw."I don't like your game." Levi sneered. "Let's play mine instead."Yes, this was what he needed. The foreman rounded on him and swung a punch, and Levi felt his nose crack. A worthy sacrifice though, as he was able to grab the large man by the legs and flip him using the forward momentum of the punch. The foreman landed face down with a groan, and didn't move again.He turned back to the other two. The one getting to his feet had dropped his gun and reached for it, but Levi deftly stepped to the side and the gun went spinning away across the cobblestones as fingers snapped beneath his boot. The other was trying to take aim with shaking hands."I'm not scared of bullets." Levi put his hand over the end of the pistol. "But you're scared to shoot. Probably shitting your pants right now." With a quick flick of his wrist, he twisted the man's arm until his shoulder dislocated. His yell was pathetic.Levi shifted his foot, now pressing onto the first man's neck. "You clearly lose, so why don't you tell me who your source is?""Fuck off!" The man on the ground groaned. Levi made the mistake of looking down at him, and the next second the other man was lunging with his pocket knife gripped in his left hand, right dangling uselessly by his side.Shit. He really was out of practise. The old him would never had let that detail slide.He couldn't dodge without releasing the other assailant, so he had to let the clumsy attack hit him. Blood stained his shirt, but with the distance between them now closed he could easily grab the man by the collar and pull him into a chokehold."I'll ask once more. Then I'll kill you both. Your source?""Go to the Red Rose and ask for Julian." He wheezed."Good." Levi let go and man crumpled to the ground, landing on top of his comrade. He turned on his heel and strode away, without even glancing at the assembled crowd of gasping dock hands. The soldiers manning the gate had a similar reaction when he drew close enough to reveal his bloodstained and scuffed appearance. Levi nodded to them."There's an inn in town, called the Red Rose. The owner is renting out space for hiding contraband. And his wife has a thing for soldiers."With that he sloped to his room, kicked off his boots, scrubbed his face and hands. He was undoing the last button of his torn shirt to inspect the damage when there came a knock at the door.He scowled to himself, but opened it.It was Mikasa.---Mikasa had spent the last couple of days shadowing the hospital staff. Every cadet had basic training for stopping bleeding and splinting broken limbs, but the Scouts had lost their last field medic some time ago and there was no guarantee that any from the Garrison would be brave enough to go out with them. She had just been heading to bed when she'd felt a slashing sensation across her torso that wasn't hers. "I felt that you were injured." Mikasa hovered in the doorway, waiting for an invitation. Levi stepped aside to allow her entry. "It's nothing. You should see the other guys."It clearly wasn't nothing. The gash spanned from his ribs down to his hip.Mikasa held up the leather medical bag she'd been given earlier. "I could do with a practise patient."He snorted, but nevertheless indulged her, shrugging his shirt the rest of the way and slumping down in the desk chair.Mikasa spread her supplies out on the desk. The alcohol first, to clean the wound and help to numb the skin a little. It wasn't very deep, but the edges were jagged, indicating a blunt knife."Are you going to tell me what happened?" She asked as she threaded the needle."Not much to tell." He answered, studying her hands as she worked. "I stopped some scum selling counterfeit goods to the resettlement effort." His face displayed a tinge of... guilt?Mikasa began at the hip where the skin was more taught. Sewing skin felt very different to sewing fabric; she was glad of Levi's high pain tolerance. A couple of strained breaths betrayed his discomfort but he kept perfectly still as she worked methodically."That reminds me." She murmured. "Do you trust Zimmer?""About as far as I could throw him." He retorted. "Why?""Armin thinks someone might sabotage the operation." Mikasa doubled back on the final stitch, then snipped the thread and tied the end. "This will have to be removed once it's scabbed over.""This is hardly my first time being sewn up, Mikasa." Levi chuckled, and she felt the vibration in his chest beneath her fingertips.She applied the alcohol once more, then finished with the pungent salve made from crushed herbs and fat. She let herself linger a moment, feeling the contours of his muscles as she smoothed the ointment into his skin.A stifled gasp escaped Levi, one that had nothing to do with the pain. As she looked up, she knew that he too was remembering the last time she'd touched his chest."All done." Without acknowledging it, she wiped her hands clean and began to pack up her supplies. "Thank you for the practice."And she all but fled, keeping her head bowed to hide the burning redness on her face. ____ Mikasa sighed in frustration and threw off the blankets. There was no sleep, no respite. Not when she was thinking about him.There was essence of valerian root in her medicine pouch. It tasted absolutely foul, but she counteracted this by brewing strong lavender tea over the fire and stirring in the offending oil.Mikasa carried the cup carefully back to bed. She no longer had to deal with having bunkmates but was still in the habit of moving in the dark, as though not to disturb anyone. She'd been awoken plenty of times by Sasha talking loudly in her sleep about food, though.Mikasa allowed herself a soft chuckle as she drained her cup and laid back down. But as she finally drifted off, it was Levi she thought of once more, lying next to her.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It was the evening before the expedition. Those taking part were dueling in a tournament, partly for training and partly for what Hange referred to as "team building". Levi had easily overcome his last opponent and was sat on the sidelines waiting for his next turn."Captain?"He looked up. Armin was smiling nervously."You don't have to ask my permission to sit," he answered gruffly, and scooted over on the bench."Captain, I realised I never properly thanked you." Armin perched himself on the bench. "For my life, I mean. I wouldn't have chosen myself over Commander Erwin, and I certainly didn't want to inherit a Titan. But it's because of you that I'm going to finally see the ocean."Levi studied the brat's face. Out of all of them, he still looked the youngest, so naïve and optimistic. But beneath it he was as cold and calculating as Erwin had been. The perfect strategist.
To his surprise, Levi replied, "I think he'd be proud of my decision."They both looked ahead as the next two opponents squared up: Mikasa and a redhead who looked familiar."He was the only other survivor of Shiganshina, right?"Armin nodded. "Floch Forster."That was it. "The one who found Erwin. I'm surprised he's still here, after watching me choose you."Armin shifted uncomfortably. "It's because of what Eren says, all that talk about finding our enemies. Quite a lot of the others are starting to take notice now."They watched as Floch put up a good fight, but it was clear that Mikasa would win. She moved with her usual grace, so familiar he could predict her every move, yet never failing to captivate him."Captain, may I speak out of turn please?""Huh?" Levi had almost forgotten Armin was there. "I guess so."Armin was looking at Mikasa too. "She doesn't owe you her life, unlike me. I know what happened, and I know she changed, but she did that herself."Perceptive, this one. "What are you trying to say, Arlert?"He looked flustered, but took a deep breath. "I'm saying you shouldn't assume you know what's best for her. Only Mikasa decides what Mikasa does. Nobody else is that special. Not even you, Captain." He finished with a terrified exhale.Levi chuckled. Armin looked confused.Good on the kid for growing some balls, it was about time. He'd be Commander one day without a doubt, and would need that confidence.Still chuckling, Levi ruffled Armin's hair. "If I live that long, it'll be an honour to serve under you, little freak."In front of them, Mikasa slammed Floch into the ground just as a tall figure crossed the field."Commandant Shadis?"Most of the group immediately snapped into salutes."Sir." Hange dropped their wooden sword and came over. "To what do we owe the pleasure?"The air thickened. Hange wasn't one to let go of grudges very easily.Shadis flashed a smile to the assembled group. It looked as though his facial muscles had never attempted the movement before.
"Word of your operation reached me. Naturally, it's a waste of manpower and resources. Typical of the Survey Corps. But-" Shadis turned to Eren. "I had so many questions for my old pal Grisha, and never thought to ask them until it was too late. If I'd been a better man, you'd already have the answers."Levi's lip twitched. If you'd been a better man, Carla would have chosen you instead and that little shit wouldn't have been born. Then where would we be?The Commandent was clearing his throat. "So I suppose I wanted to wish you luck."There was a stunned silence."What the hell kind of nursery game is this anyway?""It's a tournament!" Sasha was scratching into a ground with a stick to keep score. "Mikasa just beat Floch which puts her tied in second place with Captain Levi.""How about it then?" Hange grinned. "I'm third but its pointless trying to beat both of you, so let's move on to the final match."A couple of the new recruits cheered their enthusiasm."Well if you've laid on entertainment then I may as well stay." Shadis leaned against the wall of the storage shed and crossed his arms expectantly.If it was a show they wanted, a show they would get. Levi rose from the bench and sauntered into the sparring space, squaring up to Mikasa."Lady's choice." He bowed mockingly. "Weapons or fists?"Mikasa took off her scarf and threw it to Armin who caught it. "Fists." She answered, eyes flashing with steel."Here we go!" Connie was pounding the ground like they were at a sporting competition. "One rule- last one standing!"He let her make the first move, a throwaway really since she knew his style well enough to anticipate his dodge. Levi parried her blows with his elbow but wasn't quick enough to trip her up. They moved in a circle, constantly shifting centres of gravity so as not to establish any weak points. Like magnets, push and pull, push and pull.Levi saw an opening and took it, seizing her fist mid-air and yanking sharply. Mikasa stumbled forward and he was able to hook his foot around her waist. She fell to her knees to a gasp from the audience, but wrapped her arms around his calves and lifted him a foot off the ground. Levi landed face-first in the dirt."The Captain is down! Will he stay down?"Hell no. Levi rolled onto his back and grabbed a fistful of fabric, pulling Mikasa down by the shirt. He swung a leg over as she fell, pinning her. But she used their momentum to flip them, one hand grabbing his wrists and the other closing around his throat as she straddled him.Levi could throw her off with ease. Except, he couldn't. He was frozen, trapped by those fucking thighs."Five! Connie began the countdown and the crowd joined in.Mikasa's eyes were boring into his, unblinking."Four!"His heart pounded in his throat. A defeat like this would be humiliating, he had to do something."Three!"Playing dirty, he slipped his hands free and pulled Mikasa forward by the hair, so that she was practically laying on him. That enabled him to bend his knees, ready to push her off."Two!"Their faces were almost touching. Her breath was hot and fast. He pushed."One!"Incredibly, impossibly, she sprang to her feet just as he threw her away. She landed perfectly one on leg, foot resting oh-so-delicately on his throat the way her hand had done moments ago. He could use it to pull her back down but there was no way he'd be able to get up in time."Zero!"The crowd erupted into applause. Mikasa turned and bowed, then offered him a hand up.Levi scowled. "You could have at least pretended I'm still a challenge."
But deep down, he was kicking himself. A moment of weakness, distracted by her again."Alright, fun's over." Hange clapped their hands. "Early night. See you all at dawn."--Although the details were kept secret, the rest of the soldiers knew that they were heading out, and a fair number had turned out to see them off. As the lift went down, Mikasa looked up at the top of the wall. Once again, she could see that symbol on a banner- Eren's titan in front of the Wings of Freedom. Squinting, she could just make out the soldiers holding it. The same ones she'd clashed with at the training ground.Eren didn't acknowledge them, to her relief."Soldiers!" The Commander gestured for everyone to mount up. "Today is our day. We all have our own reason for being here. None of you have let the world take that dream from you, no matter what was thrown at you. Finally, we are breathing fresh air. The world awaits!"With that, they kicked their horse and began to ride.Mikasa followed, and could see Levi doing the same in her peripheral vision. Titan squad would remain on this side of the riverbank, while Zimmer squad were crossing over the bridge. She was glad of this; by doubling back once in a while, Mikasa would be able to see if any if the newcomers had broken rank to sabotage any of her friends.They rode at a jog, intending to establish a wide safe area by the time the horses would need resting. Daylight meant something different in a world devoid of Titans. Now they were more likely to be eaten by wolves.Mikasa surveyed the landscape as they rode, but the lack of Titans wasn't a fluke. Gradually the markers left behind by previous expeditions became less and less frequent, then stopped after an hour or so."Mikasa, check the measurements with Zimmer." Hange ordered. "I think this the furthest anyone has ever got."Mikasa nodded, tethering her horse to Hange's and scanning for a suitable tree before engaging her gear.Soaring across the river, Mikasa allowed herself a moment to wonder. The ground had been sloping upwards for some time and now below her was a waterfall, wider than any existing inside the Walls. The river crashed down onto rocks below with a mesmerising rumbling.
It was awe-inspiring. But there would time to enjoy the view later. Mikasa landed in a flawless crouch in one of the two carts.Captain Zimmer had only seen her fly in training and was clearly trying to conceal his surprise."How far?" She asked.He looked at the large book on his lap. "Almost thirty miles."Mikasa nodded. "It's a record. Fire your green flair when we make fifty. And the ground's about to slope quite steeply, so red if you run into trouble."
She didn't wait to hear his agreement before taking off again- pretty soon they would run out of trees, and she didn't fancy having to swim back across or calling Eren to pick her up.Her landing didn't quite go to plan, however. The horse was weaving slightly and she ended up overshooting by about a foot, stumbling."Shit!" Hange yelled, unable to stop both horses at the same time.Mikasa tucked her knees into her chest and rolled, avoiding injury, but there was no way she'd be able to catch up. She'd have to wait for Titan squad to rescue her after all.Something grabbed at her cloak. She realised Levi had circled round and was pulling her up onto his horse."You idiot." He said.Mikasa steadied herself behind him, feeling foolish."What did you see?" Levi asked over his shoulder. "A waterfall." She replied, raising her voice over the sound of hooves and flapping cloaks. "There wasn't a steep drop but it's likely to get rocky."Levi was fingering the flairs at his waist, ready to signal as soon as necessary. Red for Eren to carry the carts, black for Armin to use his incredible height to see further than they could.
Of course, they could use theirs to call us back for help, and have an ambush ready.
"They wouldn't," Mikasa replied. "Not when they're relying on us for safe navigation."Levi's head whipped round. "What the fuck? I didn't say that out loud.""What?"He was staring so hard that he didn't notice they were about to crash into Hange.Mikasa quickly vaulted back onto her own horse and untethered it, mind racing.
They could have just been thinking the same thing. It wouldn't be the first time.
But she'd heard him.She mulled it over in her brain until a green flair from behind signaled that it was time to stop. Hange leaped from their horse with a whoop of exhilaration and started running in circles, raising their arms to the sky as they leaped over stones.
"We're fifty miles outside!" They shrieked. "Fifty miles outside!"Levi swung nimbly to the ground and stretched. "You look like you're about to jizz your pants.""Oh Levi, you know perfectly well I don't produce semen. But look!" The Commander took a running jump onto a large rock. "The water has eroded these layers over time, to reveal veins of ore. When was the last time anyone mined real metal, instead of melting down rusty scrap to make our equipment?"Mikasa took a long drink of water from her flask, and took out an apple from her rucksack for the horse. Rocks weren't particularly exciting to her, but she climbed to a vantage point and strained her eyes against the sun to look into the distance, and couldn't supress a gasp.Some kind of herd grazed by the riverbank. Deer? Goats? They were skipping nimbly over the rocky ground, clearly unafraid of being trampled.
It was difficult to believe that there were living things which had never seen a Titan."Reminds me of when I first saw the surface."She jumped, not realising Levi had come up behind her. They stood side-by-side, gazing at the world. It could have been just the two of them, apart from Hange yelling in the background about how the rocks tasted metallic."Do you want to talk about what happened back there?" Mikasa asked quietly.Levi squinted at the grazing animals. "I have a hunch. The further away from the Walls we get, the less... constrained... our power becomes. We need to find an opportunity to test it, but not here or now."She nodded. The hypothesis made sense- relatively speaking, when they had almost no solid facts to go on.The disjointed rhythm of hoof falls signalled the approach of Titan squad. On the other side of the river, the carts were in view again.
Having regained their composure somewhat, Hange ordered Eren to transform and start moving chunks of stone to make a crude bridge. They crossed over together to regroup."It looks like the river forks once we're passed this rocky area." Eren reported once he was human-sized again. "East and South."Hange looked to Zimmer, who was covered in splodges of ink from his frantic notations over bumpy ground. He spread out one of his sketches. "I'm fairly certain we've travelled equally South and East so far.""Shall I transform, Commander?" Armin asked. "I'll be able to see further that way."Hange nodded, but they were frowning.Mikasa watched Armin jog a safe distance away before attempting to transform. He was not good at channeling the feeling, neither did he have much chance to practice. There were several uncomfortable minutes of waiting before the telltale flash.It was the first time many of them had seen Armin's Colossal form. A few of the newbies gasped audibly. Mikasa found herself dragged back to that day, all those years ago, when their lives had been turned upside-down forever.Her hand moved instinctively to her blade.
It's alright. Look.
Startled, she realised she could hear Levi again; this time, speaking directly to her. Mikasa glanced over in his direction and saw him looking at her before diverting his gaze back to Armin. Her eyes followed his.Armin was turning now, and she could see that the face of this Titan was different to the one that haunted her. Glimpses of her friend behind the muscle and bone and steam.After surveying the landscape, the enormous silhouette sank to its knees and began to dissipate, but it seemed like Armin was having trouble. Hange dispatched Levi to assist and he returned a few minutes later with a disheveled Armin slumped against him, both of them sweaty and smelling of singed cloth but otherwise alright. Mikasa ran towards them and helped Armin down; he was conscious, just weak. And his eyes were shining with tears."East", he mumbled as Eren passed him a water flask. "We need to go East. It's the fastest way to reach the ocean."
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“We'll aim to cover another thirty miles," Hange was saying, "and then call it a night. Armin, stay in the cart and rest. We need you ready to transform again."
"It gets easier over time." Eren helped Armin clamber up into the cart. "I used to feel awful afterwards."
Armin murmured something unintelligible and then fell promptly asleep."What a great use of humanity's best weapon." came a loud snort.
Floch.
"Hey now." Jean was rounding on him. "Let's not tease, it's impolite."
A couple of the other new recruits came to stand at Floch's shoulders.
"He's right." One of them said, eyes narrowed. "That power could have gone to someone much stronger. It's wasted on Arlert."
Mikasa balled her hands into fists. She would quite happily crush all of their faces into the ground, but it was important for the mission, and for Eren's sake, that she didn't make herself the enemy.
"Alright, moving out in five!" Hange called out.
Mikasa, Eren and Jean scowled at the three troublemakers. They scowled back.
"That's enough." Levi stepped between the two sides and crossed his arms. "I don't care what you're squaring up about. The stench of juvenile testosterone is ruining the nice fresh air."
"Why aren't you asleep?" He asked her now. It was a few hours before dawn, and most of the Scouts lay prone on their mats around the crackling fire. Levi was of course taking the late watch.
He'd wandered out of sight to take a piss and come back to discover Mikasa sitting upright, wrapped in her blanket and staring into the flames.
She avoided the question. "Do you think it's an Ackerman thing, that you can get by with so little sleep?" She asked softly. "Why don't I have it?"
He snorted. "I sort of became that way over the years. You'll probably be more like me when your body has finished growing." Levi mused, picking up a branch and poking the fire. "Although I hope for your sake that's not true."
Mikasa glanced over her shoulder at the sleeping Armin. "We need to get him some public support. Shouldn't be hard, he's worked on stuff that benefits everyone."
Levi followed her gaze. "You're worried about the others turning on him?"
Mikasa pulled a face. "You're not reading my thoughts, are you?"
"Nope, I'm just smart. Nothing will happen out here. That gives us time to spin a good narrative. Maybe a public thanks from the Queen for his dedication to humanity's knowledge."
"Yeah." Mikasa was unable to stifle a yawn.
"Oi." Levi peered at her in the glow of the firelight. "Big day ahead of us again. You really ought to be resting."
"I was having nightmares," she admitted in a small voice.
"Yeah, well you don't get them when you're near me. So lie down."
Taken aback but too tired to be a brat, she obeyed, stretching out on the ground just a couple of feet away. Within a minute or two her breathing became slow and deep.
Levi sat perfectly still until sunrise, watching over the camp. But really, he was watching over her.
---
They reached the ocean that afternoon. The sun was high in the sky, causing the water to sparkle as though made of a million polished sapphires.
Levi sat down on a large, flat rock, careful not to get sand on his cloak, and thought of Erwin. The way his eyes would have sparkled with the same intense blue. The sickeningly smug smile he would have worn.
"I can't believe it." Hange dropped down next to him and rested their head on his shoulder with a sigh. "Now we're actually here, now we
know
, I just don't know what to say."
"Maybe try saying nothing for once then." He poked his elbow into their ribs, his main gesture of affection.
The Commander began kicking off their boots and socks. "I know what you're thinking. He would have loved it. And been absolutely insufferable about it, but he'd be happy."
Mouth suddenly dry, Levi could only nod.
"Coming? For Erwin?"
Levi just shook his head as Hange followed the youngsters into the water. Nobody was drowning or shrieking in pain, but those gentle lapping waves couldn't possibly spell anything other than
danger
to him.
Mikasa was laughing as her friends splashed each other. Her face glowed enough to shame the glare of the sun. Pure, immeasurable joy. Levi watched her.
He'd never wanted to kiss her so badly. To stride over, right in front of everyone, and sweep her clean off her feet like one of the waves, to taste the salt on her skin and the freedom in her smile. But he was here, and she was over there, and it may as well have been a thousand miles.
----
It was no real surprise to be met by a blockade of twenty or so armed men as they re-entered the Walls. Mostly civilians, but some MPs.
"Please excuse the welcome party." Captain Zimmer drawled as he climbed down from the suddenly-halted cart. "They're just here to make sure our investors can get a proper look at all my findings. Keeping everything as confidential military secrets would truly be such a waste."
He could easily have snapped the man's neck there and then, knowing none of those cowards would actually lift a finger against the Scouts. But Levi decided to sit this one out. It was Hange who kicked the shit out of the traitor while the crowd stared on in horror, and it was Armin who grabbed the stash of field notes and soared away over the rooftops.
They regrouped back at Garrison HQ, where Zimmer was locked away to await a formal trial. The Royal Guard were already waiting to escort the veterans to the capital; Levi found this a tad ridiculous. Still, as they rode down streets lined with excited crowds, it was a relief to see that the Royal Guard had the respect of the civilians, without having to swing their dicks around in ugly displays of force. He’d trained them well.
Queen Historia’s guests did not stay in barracks; oh no. A wing of the palace had been set up as comfortable guest rooms. Levi quietly ensured that Mikasa took the room next to his, in case her nightmares returned- as did his whenever they were too far apart. Clean clothes and a generous dinner were provided before they retired.
Lulled by the expensive mattress, Levi was almost asleep when a hot, squirming sensation fluttered through his body. In his mind he could hear a soft whimper. It was Mikasa, and she was remembering the feeling of lips trailing down her throat.
Levi
, she murmured.
Oh?
His cock twitched.
Levi hesitated. An involuntary mental connection wasn't exactly consent. She might be dreaming, uncontrolled.
Or she might be awake and pleasuring herself to the thought of him, just the other side of the wall.
Would she use her fingers? Would she grind against the bed?
The thought was too much to resist, his arousal mingling with hers. Would she be able to feel it? He stroked himself gently. Mikasa didn't react, or at least he didn't hear or feel any change.
Levi closed his eyes and pictured her. Perhaps she'd be lying in wait for him, already naked. Or maybe he'd wake her, enjoying the confused fluttering of those long lashes as he prised her mouth open with his thumb and pushed himself inside. She'd swallow him down obediently, eager to serve even in her half-awake state.
Levi gripped harder as he felt that fluttering in her stomach again. He wouldn't go to her, no matter how much he wanted to. But she might come to him. Wanton and shameless as she crawled on top. He imagined pulling her forwards to receive his tongue, whimpering and gripping the headboard with white knuckles as she took her pleasure from him. Letting her set the pace, riding him only for her own enjoyment, leaning back with parted lips and half-closed eyes as he thrusted through her climax. Leaving him feeling used in the best way.
“Levi... Please..."
This time it wasn't in his head, but drifting through the wall. He froze for a moment, listening intently, then heard a sigh and a snuffling. She was most definitely sleeping.
Fuck, he was too far gone now. He needed to cum. Levi imagined how slick and needy she'd grown, even in her sleep, so ready for him to slide inside-
As his orgasm broke, he could hear Mikasa stir again.
Trying not to breathe too hard, he slipped out of bed and cleaned himself up. Guilt was washing over him now. Either Mikasa wasn't privy to his lingering desires for her, or she was aware but avoiding the topic. Whilst it was thrilling to learn of reciprocation, she was still entitled to secrets.
Levi scowled at the wall as he climbed back into bed.
Damned woman. You're determined to torture me, aren't you?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Mikasa woke to a pleasant, fuzzy feeling- which quickly turned to horror as she remembered the subject of her dreams. Shame burned her cheeks. Between her legs felt slick and sensitive, and she scrubbed extra hard when washing as though she could sternly scold her genitals to
behave
.
Perhaps sexual release was just something she would crave from time to time, whether it was convenient or not. She couldn't keep thinking of Levi though; they were on good terms and Mikasa hated the idea of jeopardising everything with a misplaced word or blush. Especially when he could get in her head.
Someone new, then. It didn't matter who, as long as they were discreet. She had no desire for companionship or intimacy- better just to get the act over and done with.
The Scouts assembled in the Royal Council room, with the Queen's small group of most trusted advisors. Standing respectfully as Historia entered the room, Mikasa's eyes subtly searched for a shape under the loose gown- it was impossible to tell. She knew Eren and Armin were both looking for the same thing.
To their credit, Hange kept their report concise, but there were a lot of questions to answer. As the meeting dragged on, Mikasa’s attention wandered, and she found herself watching the young man who was taking notes for Historia. He wrote so fast, delicately holding the pen in long fingers. She supposed that, objectively speaking, he was quite handsome.
The Queen caught her eye and gave her a tiny, knowing smile. Mikasa hurriedly looked away.
A knock at the door signaled it was time for a break; staff brought in trays of drinks and refreshments. Various council members drifted outside to smoke cigars- apparently they had always done so in meetings, but the new Queen hated the smell.
Mikasa helped herself to a cup of tea, just as Levi did the same.
“Have you told Hange?” he murmured quietly.
“Huh? Oh.” The new element of the bond. “No, did you?”
“Of course not.” He stirred his tea with an ornate silver spoon, then picked up the cup by the rim instead of the handle as he always did. “I guess we should eventually, but they have enough going on right now. Nothing wrong with a little secret.”
Mikasa turned away, hoping she wasn’t blushing. She fixed her gaze on Eren, who was still sitting at the polished table, tracing his fingers over the intricate engravings.
“Here.” She picked up one of the delicate pastry parcels filled with nuts and cheese- before Sasha finished the lot- and placed it into Eren’s hand. “Eat.”
He looked up at her in surprise, once again seeming to their reality from somewhere far, far away.
They spent the afternoon finalising details for the next round of much larger expeditions. It was no longer simply a military matter, but Historia had ordered extensive vetting on any companies who wanted to send ships out.
For now, it would be the Scouts’ job to lead escorts for the civilians, and deal with any Titans they would find. The general opinion was that there were no more Titans to deal with, but until this could be indisputably proven, someone still needed to wield a blade.
“And moreover,” Historia looked around the room at each of them as she spoke, “The eight of you are my eyes and ears beyond the Walls. Matters within them prevent me from seeing for myself what’s really out there. You must act in the best interests of our people. I trust you all, as my comrades and friends.”
With that, she gestured for the meeting to come to a close, and quickly disappeared for another engagement.
After another rather indulgent dinner, Mikasa returned to her room to mull over the plans they’d made, but was soon disturbed by a gentle knock at the door. It was Historia’s secretary.
He bowed. “My Lady, her Highness thought you might like to see the library, and sent me to accompany you.”
Mikasa remembered the book that Levi had mentioned in his letter all those months ago, and nodded. She felt quite awkward being escorted down long marbled corridors by a servant, while others paused to bow as they passed.
The library was the tallest room she’d ever seen- three storeys high, with balconies and stepladders reaching up to the ceiling. A few scholars sat pouring over books, turning pages and scratching pens the only sounds.
The secretary explained the cataloguing system and offered to help her find anything of particular interest.
Mikasa thought for a moment then said, “The history books. Please.”
He smiled and led her to the relevant shelves. She scanned the leather spines and her eyes landed upon
The Histories and Collapses of our Ancestors and their Bloodlines
.
Catchy.
Mikasa reached for the book, and then remembered the secretary was still hovering, and would do so until dismissed. “I’m, um, you can leave me to it.” She hated this. “Thank you.”
“My pleasure, Lady Mikasa.” The young man bowed again. “Her Highness instructed me to see to your every need. I shall eagerly await your summons.”
As he left, Mikasa bit her lip, working through the implications of those words.
“I wouldn’t blame you.”
She jumped and almost dropped the book. Levi was slouched in an armchair a few feet away; she hadn’t seen him behind the oversized
Illustrated Anthology of Birds, Bats and Flying Insects
.
He closed the book and placed it on the low table in front of him. “That servant boy, I mean. I heard a lot of gossip when I was stationed here. Long fingers.”
Mikasa couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or not. There was a glint in his eye, a teasing one, almost daring.
She opened her mouth, closed it again, and huffed.
“Oh, you got it.” Levi gestured to the book, which she’d all but forgotten about. “Want me to show you the chapter?”
No, she wanted him to be far, far, away from her.
Mikasa shook her head.
Levi got to his feet and practically
sauntered
over. “I’ll leave you to it then.” A smirk was curling the corner of his mouth. As he passed, he murmured, “Try not to think of me tonight.”
Embarrassment froze her in place, or else she would have smacked him.
Once alone, Mikasa composed herself and settled down to read. She quickly became engrossed in the tale of the Shogun and his three wives, who came from a land far away to shelter inside the Walls, accompanied by six soldiers with curved swords. They spoke their own language and worshipped their own Gods, but after living in the Palace began to favour the modern ways, and all the men cut off their long hair knots in a ceremony of loyalty to King Fritz.
A full-page illustration showed the women wearing beautiful patterned robes and holding large fans. They had the same features as her; mockingly exaggerated, as was the custom in any reference to these
others
, but undoubtedly hers.
Mikasa reached up to touch her face, as though the page was a mirror, and realised she was crying.
The book continued its tale, telling of the last Lord Azumabito who traded in fine art but met his downfall over forgeries and lost everything. Of course, she thought, anyone different would have to be punished in the end.
Mikasa re-read the chapter several times, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. Then she stood up, almost throwing the book down on to the table, and strode purposefully out of the library.
The ever-smiling young secretary had been waiting outside. Mikasa allowed him to escort her back to her room. “Don’t kiss me,” she instructed, then closed her eyes and let those dexterous fingers work the tension from her shoulder muscles before moving lower.
The anger in her chest was both new and familiar. She didn’t know how to describe it. Was this how it felt to have your language ripped away? Did they rip out their tongues to stop them speaking it?
She didn’t come. She ordered him to leave.
She curled up on the bed and cried herself to sleep.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Booooaaaaaaaaat!" roared the rookie who was running towards them over the sand, effectively ruining any element of surprise they'd hoped to retain.
Mikasa swore under her breath and readied a thunder spear.
"You won't do any good with that," snorted Levi, who was crouched beside her. They were concealed behind jagged rocks at the very edge of the cliff, perfect for defending the bay.
"Like that's any better," she retorted, wrinkling her nose at the wine bottle full of oil that Levi was loading into a makeshift catapult.
"Oi. I'll have you know that the Molotov cocktail is one of the finest and most versatile pieces of engineering to come out of the Underground." He lit a match on the corrugated edge of his boot. "Committed my first act of arson when I was seven and never looked back."
Mikasa squinted at the approaching shape in the water, shielding her eyes from the reflection of the sun. It was a long narrow vessel, seamlessly gliding over the water before coming to a stop.
"Shall we bet?" Levi adjusted his aim. "Whoever takes it out gets to choose their prize."
"Shh." She waved a hand at him, trying to make out the scene below against the vivid glare. "Are those... White flags?"
It could quite easily be a a trap. But this was the first vessel to arrive in broad daylight. Perhaps the passengers were confident in their ability to avoid trouble, or perhaps they were simply stupid.
From their own hiding spot, Hange signalled for them to hold back. Mikasa and Levi watched in silence as the boat threw down it's anchor and unfolded a long metal gangplank.
Three figures were stepping off the deck, all holding their hands up. In the windless wide bay, the words carried easily.
"We come from the great nation of Hizuru, seeking the Lady Mikasa Ackerman."
---
"An invitation?" Mikasa echoed. She frowned at the envoy, who wore flowing purple silk robes and spoke with an unrecognisable accent.
"Yes." He bowed to her- an impressive display of core strength given that his hands were tied behind his back. "The noble family of Azumabito hopes to form an alliance with Eldia. Naturally, we begin with a gesture of goodwill; there are no obligations. My Lady only wishes to show you your heritage. To us you are-" he fumbled for the right term- "A Princess. Many hope for the return of your bloodline."
Mikasa looked down at herself. Her clothes were filthy where she'd been lying on her stomach on the ground, and she was fairly sure she'd smeared dirt on her face when wiping away sweat with the back of her hand.
Hange was gripping the desk with white knuckles and practically drooling. "It's a lot to take in, Mikasa. You don't have to-"
"I'll go." This she declared without hesitation. Diplomatic relationships with the outside work were of the utmost importance. But Mikasa couldn't help feeling a thrill at the prospect of learning more about her ancestors.
Armin's jaw was practically grazing the floor. "You'd be the first person born on this island to leave it."
Suddenly, the tent felt very small.
Mikasa looked at the Commander, then they both looked at the envoy, who bowed again.
"We are honoured. Of course this is not a military affair, so we are only prepared to receive the Lady Mikasa and her Kodu-shan."
"What's a Kodu-shan?" Hange demanded.
The envoy turned and murmured to his colleagues, who were also bound at the wrists just in case. There was a short but heated-sounding exchange in their native tongue before he turned back to them."Please accept my apologies. There is no real Eldian translation. Literally the term means 'male without hands', but I suppose the best comparison would be a noble person's servant who also acts as their bodyguard."
Someone loyal with good instincts, whom she could trust to protect her in a strange place.
"It has to be Levi," Mikasa said at the exact same as Levi said, "That's got to be me."
The Commander and Armin both nodded, the latter giving the smallest of knowing smiles.
"I believe your soldiers should have finished searching our ship. You will see that the only weapon installed is a type of canon designed to defend against pirates, for we are not a war party. Among our supplies are gifts for our Eldian counterparts."
Hange was clearly still suspicious, but ever more excited. "Untie them," they ordered, "And we'll take a look for ourselves."
Out on the beach, the dozen crew members were lined up patiently while Jean and Connie searched the crates lugged up from the hull.
"This type of ship is powered mostly by a steam engine, but can sail with wind power in the event of running out of fuel or mechanical failure.", one of the envoys was explaining. "Hizuru has much larger ships for a variety of purposes, but we knew your island lacked a suitable port and we wished not to delay."
The three vessels that had so far been intercepted on the south shore had been carried inland by Eren's Titan for inspection and disassembly, so they had a rough idea of how things worked. The Reeves company had already begun experiments to replicate the technology.
Jean was unpacking books from a wooden chest. "They're in our language." He sounded surprised.
"A mixture of classic literature, school textbooks, and history." The leader smiled and gestured for them to look. "I dictated the translations myself, but if the Lady Mikasa permits I will teach her basic conversation, as speaking the Eldian tongue is generally considered impolite."
Hange was already nose-deep in one of the books.
Another crate turned out to be food, which caused a great stir of excitement. Bottles of preserved fruit juice were passed around. Mikasa had never tasted anything so delicious.
"See here?" The one who didn't speak their language so well traced his fingers over a string of symbols painted on the front of the ship. "We named her for you. Fyumija-wa. Discovered daughter."
---
The Fyumija-wa was ready to depart the next morning. Eren had told her not to go.
"How do you know they aren't planning to hold you ransom?" He'd demanded. "Or force you to marry some King old enough to be your Grandfather?"
"I don't." She'd shrugged in response. "But if this is the beginning of our international relations, it's vital we show willingness to co-operate. For all we know, refusing could be a declaration of war."
"And if you don't come back?" He was pouting, and sounded like a petulant child.
"I will. I promise. Don't make any more enemies for us, please."
Mikasa sighed at the memory of their argument that had extended into the early hours.
"Is something the matter my Lady? Did you not get the chance to say your goodbyes?"The only female crew member, who'd introduced herself as Liawa, was helping her to put on her new clothes.
"It's nothing." Mikasa replied. "And please, I told you I don't want to be addressed like that."
"Apologies." Liawa finished tying the waistband with a flourish. "There you are. What do you think?"
She stared at herself in the full-length mirror. She was wearing the traditional silk robes- kimono- in a deep inky blue, scattered with tiny embroidered white flowers. In place of her usual boots were some kind of ribbon sandals. Liawa had clipped her hair away from her face with a metal clasp adorned with what must be pearls.
"Many young women are curling their hair right now, but personally I prefer the understated elegance of your sensible cut."
Mikasa blinked. She didn't recognise herself. There was no practicality to this outfit at all, although she supposed it would be easy to hide weapons under a long skirt. But the shiny fabric felt so soft against her skin, and somehow she seemed to be standing taller, feeling lighter. If only she had her gear. The feeling of the layers of light material billowing around her as she soared through the air would surely be incredible.
Liawa bowed as she began to back out of the room. "Remember my L-, Mikasa, that you can ring the bell day or night if you want for something."
Mikasa snapped out of her reverie. "Wait. Does that mean I'm not allowed to leave my cabin?"
"Not at all. You have free roam. This is your ship, after all." Liawa left the door open behind her to demonstrate this.
A few moments later the doorway became occupied by Levi, who wore the same black trousers and white button up as the crew.He didn't say anything at first, just looked at her. Mikasa became acutely aware of he exposed neckline and the way the long garment cinched at her waist before draping over her hips.
"How do I look?" She asked boldly.
So quietly she could have imagined it, Levi murmured, "stunning", before clearing his throat and averting his eyes, affecting his usual bored posture. "If you're done playing Princess, we've got studying to do."
"Right." Mikasa flopped down on the sofa and pulled the chest of books towards her. "Where shall we start?"
They poured over the World Atlas for some time, familiarising themselves with oceans and borders and capital cities, before diving into the two most recent volumes of Complete History of Conflict. They learned that the Marleyan Empire extended much further than the Hizuri-printed map acknowledged, implying a grudge between the two powers.
It felt like no time at all had passed before one of the crew appeared to escort them to dinner.
Teo'Chung, the chief envoy, was waiting for them at a table set for three. "Thank you for joining me." He smiled. "I trust everything has been to your liking?"
"My cabin is very comfortable." Mikasa replied politely, as plates were brought out to them. The glass of water in front of her was perfectly still: it was difficult to believe they were on a moving vessel.
"It is customary for a Kodu-shan to taste his Lady's food in case of poison," Teo'Chung explained as he gestured to the extra spoon at Levi's place setting. "I won't be offended if you do so."
Mikasa looked at the dish in front of her. "That's rice." She recognised. "We don't really have it much at home because it takes so much space and water to grow, but I've seen it for at a market before."
"Hizaru has rice fields as expensive as the ocean," replied Teo'Chung. "The vegetables are pickled to withstand long journeys in all conditions, but the fish was caught only an hour ago."
Mikasa took a bite of one of the slices of seared flesh. It was salty, but delicious.
"Oi." Levi grabbed her by the wrist before she could take another forkful, and dutifully sampled her food.
"Oh dear." Their host smiled, shaking his head. "You must never touch your Lady's skin. Attention to detail is everything when undercover. You don't want anybody to question your story."
Levi narrowed his eyes. "You a spy then?"
"It is expected that second sons enlist in the military. I was a Naval Officer by the time my Father died, so I could leave without penalty. Navy means soldiers who defend the waters. I resumed my studies and served as an advisor to my older brother for a while, but the Azumabito made me an offer too good to refuse. So yes, I suppose I am a spy, among many other things."
"How big is your military?" Mikasa asked.
"Larger than the population inside your Walls. Perhaps tenfold. Remember, you are not the only ones in the dark. Until a few years ago we believed the island of Paradis to be completely deserted."
It was comforting to hear that the outside world didn't know everything about them.
The delicate food was surprisingly filling. Quality food didn't need to be served in large portions, Mikasa supposed. After their plates were cleared away, they were served dense cake with a hot sauce which tasted like tea and alcohol.
"Tomorrow you will learn to eat with chopsticks," Teo'Chun told them. "Amongst other lessons. For now, I suggest you take in some fresh air on the deck before retiring; it is good for sleep."
"Thank you for dinner," Mikasa said as she stood.
"Are you sure you don't need me to pull your chair out?" Levi deadpanned. As soon as they were out in the corridor she kicked him, but her foot flopped pathetically in her sandal.
"These shoes are useless." she grumbled. "I won't be able to run."
"Don't get caught then," Levi retorted as he led the way up onto the deck.
It was a perfectly still night. The only signs of movement were the gentle ripples trailing the water behind them, and the steam billowing from the Fyumija-wa's chimney.
They stood for what felt like hours in comfortable silence, both staring at the stars, lost in thought.
Eventually Mikasa realised she was yawning.
"Allow me to escort you to your chambers, my Lady." Levi bowed mockingly.
"You can drop the act when we're alone." Mikasa wondered exactly how many layers there were to the act. Sometimes it felt like they were sharing a stage but performing different plays.
"It's too fun to wind you up. You gotta let me have some pleasures in life." He shut the hatch behind them. The corridor was illuminated with soft lanterns.
He was right, she supposed. "Good night Levi." Mikasa turned away as she pushed open the door to her cabin, then paused. She had no desire to summon a crew member like a shepherd whistling for a dog.
"Could you, um..." She gestured at her waist. "I didn't really pay enough attention when she was tying it."
"Sure." Levi followed her inside, then set himself to the task of undoing the elaborate knot at the small of her back."This thing makes ODM gear look like a fucking picnic," he grumbled, but she could see in the large mirror that his ears were pink. "There."
Mikasa caught the front of her garment just in time before it fell away. "Thanks."
"Sure." He muttered again. "G'night." And Levi left quickly, without looking at her face.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It was like being back at school. Mikasa learned how to greet someone, ask for directions, purchase things at a market stall. Speaking the language came surprisingly easy, but she hoped she wouldn't need to read or write anything.
She learned a couple of popular dances. That she was only to bow to those of a higher social rank, or equal but many years her senior, but could press her palms together and tip her hands as a gesture of gratitude to a commoner.
And she learned about Hizuru's economy, how they exported foods and fabrics and imported coal and wood and oil. That as a wealthy country, even the poorest families could keep their children in school rather than send them to work. That the average life span was much higher than inside the Walls, and may people now worked into their eighties.
Each evening they dined with different members of the crew, getting to know about their lives. Many had been born to rural families but came to the city to seek fortunes. The rapid advances in technology meant that self-propelled metal carriages on tracks were replacing horse-drawn carts, and two renowned doctors were in competition to develop a cure for the flu, their rivalry becoming a source of public entertainment.
After eight days at sea, a storm struck. The ship's Captain showed Mikasa an array of gauges like clock-faces next to the steering controls, which could measure things like air pressure.
"These tell me that tonight and tomorrow will be rough." He told her. "But after forty years at sea, I can know that just by looking at the position of the dark clouds."
Levi was nervous. They'd been assured that the ship was designed to roll from side-to-side in the wind or to tip away water from the deck, so it would not sink. But he'd made sure to familiarise himself with the small rowing boats stored behind the folded-down sails.
"You can't swim, can you?" Mikasa realised.
They were drinking tea in her cabin. The low table had edges which had been clipped up to create a barrier, preventing the cups sliding off.
"I can keep myself afloat, that's enough." Levi huffed. Mikasa didn't press, knowing that he talked best when left to set his own pace.
The round glass window was being pelted rhythmically with sprays of water, the droplets leaving a pattern. Whether it was gusts of rain or breaking waves she didn't know, but it was soothing , especially in combination with the low humming of the engine. Mikasa imagined that if she ever got to see real peace in her lifetime, it would be just like these moments when only the two of them existed.
After a few minutes, Levi sighed and set down his cup. "The ocean just... Shit, it was our quest- Erwin's quest- for so long, and now it's real and its just dirty water with who-fucking-knows what's underneath. I spent enough of my life under the surface without proper light or air."
"Well we aren't sinking and we aren't falling overboard." Mikasa placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, and he leaned into the touch. Then the both hastily cleared their throats and sat upright.
"I know. Keep me distracted. There's still some books we haven't looked at."
Mikasa reached into the trunk next to the sofa and pulled out a book at random, then paled as she realised the title- Encyclopedia Erotica. She tried to stuff it out of sight but Levi grabbed it and wrestled it from her hands.
"Hmm." He flicked through the illustrations. "Most of this stuff can be found in a decent brothel, but there's a couple of new things."
"And how would you know?" She demanded, cheeks burning. "You frequent many brothels?"
"No, but I've worked security for a few, and been on the menu at one point." He replied off-handedly.
Mikasa didn't know what to say to this. He'd never mentioned this aspect of his past before.
"Why?" Was what fell out of her mouth.
Levi put the book down and looked at her. "At eighteen I had this idea that the only way to break the cycle was to swear off violence. Moronic, I know. I thought I could save up to buy citizenship, learn a respectable trade, but until then I wanted to be something other than a street rat. And the pay was fairly decent for us compared to the girls- lotta high-ranking assholes with appearances to keep up, so they paid extra for discretion."
Mikasa studied his face. Like hers, it was decorated with tiny scars. "You couldn't quit though, could you?" She murmured.
"Nope." Levi muttered darkly. "It was like trying to give up breathing. I was created to kill. I can't stop."
He was looking away now, his eyes deep and dark. Mikasa couldn't help but recoil a little, pressing her back into the arm of the sofa.
"Couple of us went out for supplies and got jumped. MPs. They never strayed Underground in groups of less than half a dozen but I don't remember how many there were. Just what they called us. Next thing I'm dripping in blood and shit and neither of my friends would wake up. Right back where I started."
Levi had balled his hands into fists as he spoke, and only appeared to notice when he saw her staring at his white knuckles. He seemed to realise he'd made her uncomfortable, and hastily cleared his throat before grabbing his cup and taking a swig of tea.
"And anyway," he continued nonchalantly as though nothing had happened, "the clap is no joke. Ended up spending most of my wages on treatment. Plus, if you think those sandals are bad, be grateful you've never had to wear stilleto heels."
She was spared the difficulty of trying to work out if he was being serious or sarcastic by the sudden lurching of the ship, as it crested a particularly large wave before troughing downwards. They were both flung from the sofa and landed in a pile of limbs on the thick carpet.
"My Lady." A crew member was knocking at the door. "The Captain has advised all passengers to stay in their cabins until the morning, as moving around in these conditions can be dangerous even for experienced sailors. Please ring for anything you would like."
"Um, thank you!" She called out in response from under Levi. It wouldn't be dignified to rip her nice kimono by kicking him off, so Mikasa was essentially trapped. And in a rather compromising position.
"...Do you mind?" She asked awkwardly, after a moment. Levi's knees pinned her skirts to the carpet, one of his hands trapping a strand of her hair.
"Do you?"
Mikasa felt an unwanted and all-too-familiar heat bubbling up in her chest. Levi's eyes were narrowed slightly as he stared down at her face, at her lips.
No. "Yes." She pushed gently at his chest.
Levi got to his feet, in a rather undignified manner as another lurch of the ship unbalanced him further. "Your mouth and your mind say different things." He remarked flatly as he brushed non-existent dirt from his clothes.
"What's that supposed to mean?" She demanded, but it was pointless. She was talking to a closing door.
Mikasa threw herself down on the sofa with a groan of frustration. It was embarrassing enough to have some lingering girlish crush, he didn't need to draw attention to it.
It was still afternoon. With lessons suspended for the rest of the day, Mikasa tried to occupy herself with her needlework. But her eyes kept drifting to the discarded Encyclopedia Erotica, and gradually her curiosity got the better of her.
Glancing guiltily around the empty cabin, Mikasa opened up the book and opened it at a random page. The sketched illustration showed two naked women, one tying the other up with complicated-looking ropes. Columns of text gave instructions on the intricate knots and patterns.
Why would anyone want to do that?
In answer to her own question, memories surfaced: Levi tying her wrists with his cravat. Using her gear's leg straps to pull her closer when there was no time to undress. Tracing patterns across her flesh with his fingertips.
Biting her lip, she turned to another page. This image was in full colour, a man and woman locked in embrace while another man held up a candle for the wax to drip onto their bodies. The next, a woman holding up her skirt and relieving herself straight onto the man lying beneath her.
Mikasa slammed the book shut. The world truly was larger and more bizarre than she could have imagained.