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A/N: Words that are italicized within double quotes indicate flashbacks.This story contains massive spoilers for the climax of Ralph Breaks the Internet, so if you haven't watched that, then maybe you should steer clear.By the way, trigger warning — this fic gets really tragic and feel-sy, especially if you adore Vanellope and her relationship with Ralph. So uh… yeah, you have been warned. :(
Chapter 1: Initializing Full Scan
The antivirus district."I have found two results for 'what should I do if an evil virus clone of me is trying to catch my best friend?'. Either you put all of the clones in therapy-ahem, not very feasible, mind you… or you can eliminate them by using antivirus software from the antivirus district of the internet. If you can lure the entire swarm of viruses that are chasing your friend to that secure place, you could delete them all at once!"I'd learnt a valuable lesson the hard way — never trust someone's plan without first dissecting it to pieces. The thing was, Mr. Knowsmore's plan really did sound like a good idea on paper for getting rid of a plethora of purple gelatinous-like Ralph viruses that was devastating the entire internet.I mean, come on! You've got to admit that the idea did sound as though it was somewhat feasible, at the very least. Even skeptical ol' me, sucker that I was and desperate for any way to get rid of the swarm of purple Ralphs who were chasing after me, fell for Knowsmore's plan as well — hook, line, and sinker.And that was the reason I was currently glitch-teleporting from building to building, daring the huge fifty-foot Ralph monster to "come and get me" so that I could lure them all into the antivirus program and save the entire internet… and my own skin as well. Because you see, the purple viruses were all chasing after me out of some insidious self-need that they wanted fulfilled, or some other dumb reason.Admittedly, the part where the giant virus monster was specifically chasing after me on foot was sorta improvised, kind of like how I usually had to think on my feet during the many Random Roster Races held daily within Sugar Rush in the past.I shake my head, firmly ejecting those unwanted thoughts from my mind and tossing them away like used candy wrappers. All in the past, remember? Don't be a dolt, Vanellope! You've left it all behind you!A wistful sigh left my mouth. Well, unless I got rid of the needy, clingy virus who was chasing after me, I wouldn't have a past to reminiscence… let alone a future to dream about.So back on topic, the actual plan was for me to be calmly sitting in the comfortable web browser owned by Yesss—the Buzzztube chief search algorithm—while we all zipped off to the antivirus district with the monstrous Ralph following me… ahahahaha!Sorry, I couldn't say that with a straight face. Honestly, it was so much more efficient to let the enormous thing chase me on foot. Plus, that was also the more exciting plan. Woo!I could taste salt on the tip of my tongue as beads of sweat trickled down my cheeks. The fun, the exhilaration, the thrill of the chase… now this was what I lived for.It was what I was coded for!"Hey, mister!" I jerk my head around, feeling the cool wind blowing against my face. "You wanna be my friend, don'tcha?"The question cut through the air, hitting the beast where it hurt. Flashing the giant purple mess beneath me a somber grin, I use the opportunity to disappear with a flash and reappear on top of a building five blocks away. "You want us both to be as inseparable as low-fat milk is to my creamy Oreo guards back at my castle, huh?" I pose the question to the mindless beast, my voice echoing throughout the vicinity.It nodded in a desperate fashion, moving its head so vigorously that a few smaller chunks of the not-Ralph virus (I don't care what anyone says, that's my nickname for it from now on) fell off the head portion and ended up being absorbed into its upper shoulder blades.Well, it looked like it was just about time to deliver the gut-punch to not-Ralph. I playfully tousled with my hair, a casual twirl of the candy-coated bangs by the sides of my face.A cheeky chortle could be heard from a distance of over ten blocks away by any hapless bystanders who hadn't already fled as I rambunctiously mocked the monster that was on my tail. "Hee hee! Oh man, you should have seen the look on your face when ya actually believed that I'd just stand there and let you get me! Oh man, it was priceless!"The giant beast appeared confused when it heard me jeering at it. I suppressed the urge to facepalm when it shot a hurt, yearning look towards me, unable to comprehend that I was actually taunting it.Well, if it wanted to play dumb, then so be it! I would simply explicitly spell it out until his puny little brain couldn't deny the facts. "Hey!" I proceed to holler at not-Ralph, "You really think that I'm gonna let you be my friend so easily? Don't make me laugh my pants off, Major Body Odor… multiplied by… however many of you there are inside your combined… hey, how many of you are inside that gigantic mushy pile, anyway? I don't actually know…"Finding my words trailing off as my verbal jab backfired, I clear my throat and hastily make an attempt to recover. "Ahem! Anyway… if you want me, I'm afraid that you're gonna have to catch me first, guh-doyyyy~" I drawl my words out for emphasis while glitching to the next building—which was colorfully decorated with a sign that I think said something about 'Googles'—momentarily pausing my getaway to briefly give the giant monster a smug smirk while I remained cutely perched on the parapet of the blue-tinted structure.As the raging not-Ralph monster furiously charged towards me, causing massive collateral damage to the surrounding area and any poor buildings which were unfortunate enough to be situated around it, I perk up and make sure to stand upright on the parapet, a cocky grin firmly upon my visage as I snidely add on to my earlier taunt."That is, if you can actually get ahold of me! Ahahaha! Bring it on! There's no one out there who can catch President Vanellope von Schweetz—" I make sure to thrust both of my arms outwards with absolutely no restraint whatsoever as I formally announce my full title, "—on or off the race track! And yes, not even you are an exception to this rule, Stinkbrain! Prepare to eat my dust, ya big dummy! Pffffttttthhh!"Okay, maybe sticking my tongue out at the giant monster that was chasing me wasn't exactly the brightest of my ideas. But the mischievous streak within me meant that I simply couldn't resist the temptation given the opportunity. And besides, the gesture was worth it for the look on everyone's face alone — the real Ralph, who was sitting in Yesss' personal web browser hovering at a safety distance of about a hundred meters away, almost looked like he was about to faint. And puke. Awww, that goofball.It really was a shame that by contrast, the giant combined not-Ralph monster appeared to be positively furious upon seeing the admittedly rude gesture that I'd directed towards it. A bellowed "fffrrriiieennnnddd" as it swiped its arm and wrecked the area which I had been standing at three seconds prior was my cue to resume my dash to safety.Man, was that thing persistent. I pointedly scowl, pushing aside my hair as it got in the way. "That shade of ugly purple doesn't fit you, you know?" I mull, placing a finger to my chin as I ponder about the topic on hand. "Hm… I'm thinking that a nice tinge of lavender would be a better color for you. Yep, you'll definitely need some lavender air freshener to suit your stinky breath! Ahahahahaha!"The suggestion-cum-insult didn't even faze the howling monster behind me, causing me to groan in displeasure. Hey, at least I thought that my joke was kinda funny! But soon, I perk up, grinning triumphantly when I finally see my intended destination closing in on me.The antivirus district.I swiftly glitch myself to the main lobby of the locale, filled to the brim with antivirus programs, letting out a small whoop of victory as I arrive.Said victory cry didn't last very long, however."Yow!" A pained wince was forced from my lips as I swivel around. Instead of marveling at the sight of the antivirus district, I was forced to squeeze my eyes shut in pain. The entire place was a glistening white, gleaming so brightly that my squinting eyelids didn't protect me from the full force of the glare, forcing me to shield my eyes with one hand.Geez, it was almost like someone applied polishing fluoride toothpaste on every single surface in the vicinity!"Cripes, which nutcase turned on all the lights in this bloomin' place?" Still blinking my eyelids from the blinding light, I proceed to jot down a mental note in my head. If I ever went back to Sugar Rush, I was going to personally get rid of every single tube of polishing toothpaste that Rancis had on his person. After knowing that rascal for a good six years, I was absolutely positive that polishing the very area that he stepped foot in was totally a thing that the self-conscious Rancis would do."So this place is supposed to get rid of any viruses, huh?" I murmur while pacing about, "Wonder how it works…""Not-ron™ Internet Security Suite has been initialized. To begin a full virus scan, please execute via vocal command.""Sweet!" I pump my fist and do a little twirl in the air as I hear a female robotic voice drone over the loudspeakers. "This antivirus thingamajig is voice-controlled! Oh, I so got this! You're going down!"In retrospect, I should have realized that Knowsmore's plan had gone perfectly. Too perfectly. In layman's terms, that meant it had been executed a little too easily. But in the heat of the moment, my mind was more focused on the fact that I'd arrived at my intended destination without so much as a scratch instead of the unusual turn of good fortune I've had."Heh heh heh…" I couldn't resist a chuckle when I finally saw not-Ralph approaching from the horizon. "Gotcha, you little sucker." I tap my foot impatiently against the ground as I awaited its approach. "Man, this is like taking candy from a baby."The next few seconds as I waited for it to fall into the trap were agonizing. "Come on, now… just a little closer. Hurry it up, you slowpoke…" While waiting for the big lug to get in position, I tentatively chew on the bright red licorice strings of my mint-green hoodie.Finally, not-Ralph neared. I watched with bated breath as it finally stormed up the steps that led up to the antivirus district. I have to admit… the virus Ralph was actually kind of intimidating up close, when I wasn't fleeing from it with the help of my glitch ability.As it angrily strode within the boundaries of the district, I proceed to wave at not-Ralph with a brutal smile, before slipping my hands into the pockets of my trusty hoodie and giving the virus a slight bow. "Heh! I totally have you now, Ralphy! Say bye-bye!"It cocked its head at me, evidently curious as to why I was so eerily calm despite being cornered.Well, that thing was about to find out the answer, and I bet my whole candy collection that he wasn't gonna like it. Not in the slightest.Oh well, too bad. It can blame itself for being an inferior copy of my best friend with all of his worst possible traits… and for trying to obsessively cuddle me with thousands of freakishly big arms. Yeesh! Stay away from my precious, fragile body!With fiery determination in my hazelnut-brown eyes, I raise my right arm up to the sky in a slow, deliberate fashion, before snapping my fingers with a smirk. The sound that was generated from the motion actually ended up being relatively loud due to the silence that had filled the air prior, reverberating around the vacant antivirus district only to end up being muffled by my next words."Alrighty! Time to do your stuff, wise guy!" A naughty smile graced my facial features as my voice rang out throughout the entire district. "Oi! Hear my voice, yer dumb scanning software! It's time for the grand finale! Let the full virus scan commence!"Right on cue, the order was processed and immediately went through. My ears twitched as I heard a soft humming noise begin to whirl around the vicinity.It soon became obvious what the soft humming was for when I observe a white translucent force field materializing, surrounding the entire boundary of the antivirus district that not-Ralph and I were in."Full virus scan started on command. Commencing preliminary scan to assess potential threats.""Yessss!" I cheer jubilantly, spinning on my heel and flashing the not-Ralph monster a smug pose by holding my head up high and folding my arms. "In your face, diaper baby!" I smugly jeer at the beast. It was going to get what it deserved soon enough. Now that it was trapped within the force field, it was going to get destroyed once the program identified it as a virus."Detecting potential threats… 8% complete."I only calm down from my exhilarant high when I suddenly observe that not-Ralph was still somehow not eradicated from existence yet."Detecting potential threats… 16% complete."Si-sixteen percent?!Whup, so much for everything going according to plan. Apparently, this thing was so slow to start that someone like Rancis could literally go through his entire morning routine and it would still not be done."Oh, come on…" I groan, apprehensively biting my lip as I see not-Ralph narrowing his giant eyes at me out of the corner of my vision. "What's taking this crummy thing so long to actually start deleting?!""Detecting potential threats… 32% complete."I kick at the ground, letting out a nervous chuckle when I saw not-Ralph beginning to storm towards me. "Hey, what gives? Why isn't this thing doing its job?"Like, shouldn't not-Ralph be eradicated by now? It was moving at the speed of molasses! What gives, man?"What in the holy mackerel!?"Even from the distance between us, I could clearly discern that the one who had screeched that statement in a most uneloquent manner happened to be Ralph, who then proceeded to mutter even more undignified words that probably shouldn't be mentioned in front of an "innocent sweetheart" like me.I couldn't resist giggling at his slip of the tongue, hitting my striped thigh in laughter as I mentally noted down the words that he used. I would have totally teased Ralph for it, too (I was almost willing to break my "I'll never act like a princess" charade just to mess with him)… until I realized in the very next second that the reason that he was screaming like that in the first place was because I was currently in mortal peril."Um, Ralph?" I nervously twiddle my fingers, brushing my bangs behind my ears. Honestly, he was the last person I wanted to seek help from right now after what he'd done to Slaughter Race earlier, but I couldn't complain at the moment. "A little help here?""Hang on, kid!" I couldn't resist smiling at the endearing term as the red wrecker who I knew well quickly directed Yesss and their high-tech advanced web browser towards my general area."Detecting potential threats… 64% complete.""Sixty-four percent?" I gnash my teeth as I hear the announcement detailing the progress of the scan. "Oh, hurry up already! It's so, so close!"Unfortunately, not-Ralph was able to hear the progress of the scan over the intercom as well. Determined not to lose, it bellowed and charged towards me. "Frrrrieeenndddddd!""Gragh!" I vanish from my spot, glitching behind the monster and catching my breath as I re-materialize with a burst of blue."Kid!"I tilt my head to the sky, seeing Ralph and the flying web browser closing in on me. "Ralph, can you tell your ugly twin to knock it off?" I grumble snarkily, before spazzing out into 0s and 1s as I dodge another swipe from the purple not-Ralph monster.As I reappear a good distance away from the giant, my eyes joyfully lit up when I finally heard sweet, sweet salvation."Preliminary scan is now 100% complete," the antivirus program informed. "All 1,000,001 potential threats have been diagnosed and will be deleted upon commencement of full scan.""Yes!" I cheer with glee, sticking my tongue out at the monster without any shame. "Praise the candy overlords, I'm saved!"Unfortunately, I had said those words of relief too soon. Immediately as those words left my jaw, the robotic voice proceeded to continue with its speech, delivering devastating news in its addendum."Note: the viruses detected in this preliminary scan is currently not in our virus database bank and is likely to be a new zero-day security vulnerability. Source code for the new viruses has thus been identified and logged into our Not-ron™ Internet Security Suite backend server. Scheduling immediate automatic update of new virus definitions for all end-users before commencement of full scan.""No, no, no, no, no!" I howl in a mixture of horror and anger, clenching my fists in agitation when I realize that the dumb virus scan still wasn't getting started.Are you kidding me? Just how long was this stupid scan going to drag out? I could literally make five karts in the bakery before the program got its lazy behind moving!"FRRRIIIEEENNNNDDD!"My eyebrows twitched. Speak of the not-Ralph, and it would appear… just like Gloyd on a day when one wasn't in the mood for pranks. "Ah, would you shut yer trap!?" I snarl, spitting at the monstrous beast."Don't worry, kid! I'm coming for ya! That thing won't get ya! Just try and stay safe for the moment!""Oh, just relax!" I call out to the actual, non-purple Ralph in reassurance, cupping my hands to my mouth so that I could throw my voice as far as possible. "There's no need to get your suspenders in a twist, Ralph! I can handle this!""Patch KB190125 created. Now distributing security update to all end-users."I confidently beam, putting my hands by my hips as the antivirus program backed up my claim. "See! I told ya I could handle it, didn't I?""Do not fret. I assure you that Vanellope will be just fine." The web browser shuttle was hovering so close—just outside of the force field that was triggered by the initialization of the scan—that I could hear Yesss reassuring Ralph with a wave of her icy-blue glittery arms. "Antivirus programs are everywhere on the net, and they are completely, one-hundred percent safe for anyone without a security vulnerability."I swivel my head around with a forced jerk, and even though Ralph was quite a distance away from where I was standing, I could discern him performing the same gesture. "Wait… hold up." The big lug raised his large arms and looked at Yesss with a peculiar expression. "What did you just say?" he asked, furrowing his bushy brow."Antivirus programs are safe for anyone without a security vulnerability."I spot Ralph rubbing his chin in confusion, quickly mirroring his gesture when I hear his subsequent question. "Security vulnerability? But… I thought this thing just got rid of viruses?""Well, sort of. To elaborate, there are entire sub-classes of security vulnerabilities, and viruses are only one of them. There are also trojans, worms, malware, phishing URLs, cross-site scripting vulnerabilities…" Yesss listed them all, counting them one-by-one with her slender fingers."Get to the point!" Ralph ordered, causing me to roll my eyes. Sometimes it was just plain amusing that a grown man like him was more impatient than a little girl like me. Like, shouldn't it be the other way round?"Anyway, an antivirus software simply detects the whole lot of them ugly annoyances, and wipes all of it out in one fell swoop. Easy-peasy!" she said as she flashed a smile.There was silence as she concluded. Not even not-Ralph bellowed out his usual "friendddd" as the tremor of what Yesss had just revealed rocked through the entire antivirus district.I tap my temple in annoyance. Something about what she'd just said struck out to me. But what…?The eerie quietness that had descended upon the area was only broken by the sound of the antivirus program itself."Update complete. Full virus scan now commencing. Eliminating all known threats…"
Eliminating all known threats…
Not viruses.All known threats.The gasp of horror that left my mouth caused me to flicker, glowing a vibrant blue for a split-second. "Sweet mother of caramelized toffee milk!" I yelp, all traces of my previously calm composure completely vanishing as I frantically wave both my arms about. "Someone help me! Get me outta this place!"
Eliminating all known threats…
In the very instant that I repeat the announcement made by the antivirus program in my mind, I finally realize exactly why I had been so apprehensive once Yesss announced to Ralph that an antivirus program didn't just get rid of viruses, but rather any and every security vulnerability.Wasting no time, I immediately blip out of existence via my glitch power.…only to slam head-first into the translucent dome-shaped force field that was surrounding the entire area."Infected files have been encrypted and isolated in virus vault. Now commencing deletion of 1,000,001 infected items."I rub my nose where I had slammed into the force field at full force, my body briefly glitching into lines of code from the impact. Thanks for the very late reminder, stupid program!Drat… I didn't actually think that the force field would impede my escape. Cursing the antivirus program under my breath now that my exit was cut off, I inhale a deep breath…"Deletion in progress: 2.7% — 27,001 out of 1,000,001 items deleted."…and promptly began to panic like a scared little girl when I saw the first of the not-Ralph virus clones start to vaporize into its elementary particles."Ralph, I'm in very big trouble!" I pound on the gray barrier that was trapping me within. "It thinks that my glitch is a security vulnerability! It's gonna delete me as well! Please, you gotta help me!"My plea for help didn't have to travel far."Kid… Vanellope! No!" Ralph yelled when he comprehended my words, terror laced in his normally-firm voice. Without concern for his own safety, he leapt off the flying web browser and headed for my direction.I have to admit that despite my current sticky predicament, I let loose a holler of laughter when I saw ol' Stinkbrain landing clumsily on the convex force field and bouncing down to the ground ungracefully."No unauthorized transfer in or out of the virus vault is allowed without administrative permission."…was this thing trolling and messing with me by deliberately telling me all the much-needed information that I needed late? I think it was safe to by this point assume that yes, it was.Ralph got to his feet, groaning while rubbing his head to shake off the blunt force trauma from his fall. "Wait… I can't pass through the force field?""Well, duh!" I fire back at him, rolling my eyes for good measure. "Didn't you hear what it just said? Nothing moves in or out!"Ralph stared at his palms, before balling them into clenched fists. "Not on my watch, kid. There's no way I'm gonna let you be—""Deletion in progress: 11.2% — 112,121 out of 1,000,001 items deleted."Hearing the numbers rapidly increase and seeing even more not-Ralphs vanish into limbo, I frantically slam my hands against the solid force field before feeling a sudden a wave of lethargy come over me."Ralph…? I… I don't feel so good…" I murmur, before my legs gave way and I found myself slumping down to the ground.Squinting my eyes so that I could focus my blurring vision, I could see Ralph staring at me with a gaping jaw on the other side of the force field. "What the… hey, kid! Kid! Vanellope!""Deletion in progress: 19.7% — 197,400 out of 1,000,001 items deleted."I place a hand to my forehead, feeling it heat up rapidly. My entire body stutter, flashing in bright blue codelines. "Ralph…" A moan of pain escaped my lips, a tremor of fear following it. "I think-gack!"My words were interrupted by a coughing fit that rocked my entire body. That was pretty much the tipping point for me. No longer could I suppress my terrified thoughts.This wasn't just my imagination, or a false alarm — the software actually did think I was a security vulnerability too. The program was ripping my code inside-out… I could literally feel it."Hey, wise guy!" I could hear Ralph screech, which made me flash the barest trace of a smile on my face in response. Although I didn't have the strength to look up at him, I could see his shadows—projected to the ground from the searing light—dancing about vigorously. "Only delete the evil clones of me, not her! No, no, no! You're gonna delete my friend! Stop doing this, right now! Cancel the stupid virus scan!""Virus scan can only be cancelled by the user who has initialized it." The unconcerned, robotic drone of the antivirus software felt like a mocking, uncaring mod. Immediately after, it continued on with a progress report. "Deletion in progress: 52.9% — 529,213 out of 1,000,001 items deleted," the voice blared, counting down to doomsday without a care in the world.The fact that the program was more than halfway done doesn't escape my notice, even in spite of all the searing pain that was rocking my body. The shrill cries of the many not-Ralph virus clones filling the air as they were being torn asunder by the antivirus program's deletion procedure was a chilling, grave reminder of my inevitable fate.Sooner or later, it would be my turn."Hey, kid! C'mon… get up! You ain't a quitter, kid! Come on, you can do it! Get up, Vanellope!" I hear Ralph howl out frantic words of encouragement, the big lug pounding futilely against the force field barely five feet away from me.Gosh, he's still an endearing idiot to this very day. Like jawbreakers, there were just some things that one couldn't break.Upon seeing that I was practically glued to the floor — not by choice, but because all my energy was being sapped up, Ralph decided to try a different approach. "Kid! You've got to deactivate the virus scan!" he desperately ordered. "It's only gonna listen to your voice! Hurry up, kid! You gotta do it… you have to!"I blink tears away from my eyes, my face scrunching up in determination at Ralph's plan. This is it, I suppose. It was all or nothing.Mustering up all my strength, I struggle to speak. 'Cancel virus scan.' All I had to do was to say those three words. Simple, right?Well unfortunately, those words were unable to leave my lips. The only sound that my damaged vocal cords were able to produce was a haunting gurgle."Deletion in progress: 85.2% — 852,198 out of 1,000,001 items deleted."The software gave another blunt announcement, signaling my own impending demise as it grimly informed that it only had fifteen percent left to go."Kid… no…" I could hear Ralph mumble in a pained whisper when the realization that I didn't have the strength to save myself by cancelling the scan with my voice proceeded to hit him harder than a direct collision with my kart in fifth gear."Deletion in progress: 97.3% — 973,472 out of 1,000,001 items deleted."Using my last reserves of energy, I lift my head up and take a final glance at Ralph, stuck behind the opposite side of the force field.I almost wince out of guilt.Pure terror and horror laced his tear-filled eyes. In all honesty, I have a feeling that the same look would have been reflected in my very own eyes mere moments ago.But now…"Deletion in progress: 99.9% — 1,000,000 out of 1,000,001 items deleted."…now, the only things my eyes wanted to do was close, taking my specter of vision along with it.Heh heh heh…Despite the excruciating pain, I couldn't help but to let out a cold, icy laugh at the ironic twist of fate that I'd been dealt. It was just too bad that I was the last one left standing… none of the virus clones could lament their final moments with me.So this is how it all ends, huh? I'd always thought that I would meet my end in a more… I dunno, graceful manner? Like being captured as a glitch back in the old days and thrown into the Fungeon forever? Or-cough… gack, I dunno, a car crash in a race gone wrong, maybe?But at least if I'd gone down in Sugar Rush, I would regenerate. This, however, was a different story.That speedy blue hedgehog whom I've had the honor of racing with once… he had previously talked about this topic before, on a PSA that was broadcast all over Game Central Station. And now, his words hauntingly reverberated in my memory bytes, an echo of a warning heeded far too late…"Remember, Sonic says — if you leave your game… stay safe, stay alert! And whatever you do, don't die! Because if you die outside of your own game, you don't regenerate, ever! Game over, man! Game over!"As the light around the antivirus district suddenly grew a blinding white, I let a final wave of regret wash over my broken body, with Ralph's anguished screams as he pounded on the barrier being the last thing that I hear.Ma-Maybe I shouldn't have recklessly gone off, blazing fearlessly into that wi-fi outlet in pursuit of that steering wheel… maybe I shouldn't have… left—"Full virus scan is complete: 100%. System now fully secured — 1,000,001 out of 1,000,001 items deleted."
Author's Note:
Happy New Year! A new year means brand-new emotional angst from me! Yeah… I'm sorry.Contrary to popular belief, I do not torture characters whom I like for fun. Just putting that out there, because I do indeed feel for them. Now do kindly excuse me while I go cry in the corner. Poor, poor Ralph and Vanellope…Watching WIR2 in theaters, I actually kind of expected the antivirus district to be more than a one-off mention in the protagonists' plans against the Ralph virus, especially when I remembered my own antivirus program always declaring false positives back in the day… and hey, wait a second, doesn't Vanellope have a glitch within her? Won't detecting that cause the antivirus program to potentially mistake her as a threat?Well, it didn't exactly go that way in the film considering that they never make it there before forcing the actual showdown (plus, it's a Disney film, they'd never get away with killing off non-supporting characters for real). But since the plot bunny was already firmly planted in my head… yeah. I just had to write it down, no matter how bleak and angsty it ended up being.And no, I'm not ending this story on a downer with Vanellope being wiped from existence and concluding it just like that. Please, I'm not that cruel — this fic isn't going to be a oneshot. Still, I predict that this story won't be too long. I'll say three to six chapters, max.Your friendly owl hopes that you all liked this silly idea of mine, even if the prose turned out rather depressing. Apologies if any quoted dialogue from the film is a little off from how it actually went in-film. I'd only watched the film once during Christmas, so any quotes taken directly from the movie is purely based off memory from my initial viewing of the film, and thus might vary slightly from the actual source.Anyway, I broke my usual writing norms with this story by opting to write in first-person POV instead of my standard third-person POV. Why, you ask? Well, it was because I felt that Vanellope's POV would be more gripping and heartfelt. And yes, it will remain in Vanellope's POV in the following chapters. Make of that what you will.So, um… any thoughts, laments, sobs, and/or death threats for hurting Vanellope? I'm open. Send 'em all my way.
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Chapter 2: Glitch in the Matrix
Whoever was the runt who said that pain was a stimulus which those fancy doctors used to signify if a person was conscious based on their responsiveness was a big, fat liar… the biggest liar ever, because what they said simply couldn't be true!Why, one might ask? Because I'm living proof of the contrary… or to be more exact, maybe dead proof to the contrary… or-ah, whatever! The end meaning is the exact same!As I was saying, the reason I am calling shenanigans on that statement was because I very highly doubt that I was actually alive right now… and yet, I could still feel searing pain coursing through my code.C'mon, fellas… you can't have your cake and eat it too! It's nothing but simple binary — the state's either a 0 or a 1, no in-betweens (okay, so maybe I might have gone peekin' in Sugar Rush's code room back in the day to learn how these befuddling logic gate mechanics actually work).The point is, it's either I'm alive or I'm dead! Take one or the other, but not both! Unless you're a big eater like Pac-Man. In which case, fine… take them both. Fatso.Anyway, the blitzing pain that I was currently feeling in question was actually a mounting migraine that had surmounted in the very instant my eyes had opened. When my vision first cleared, all I was able to discern was a blinding white light which hurt both my eyes and my head.Wa-was this where people went to when their code were deleted?My mind didn't have enough time to answer my own question, as soon enough, I found myself being distracted. Slowly but surely, the dazzling whiteness was giving way to a blurry mish-mash of colors, making my eyes perceive a weird rainbow-like image rather similar to that of a kaleidoscope.Then, abruptly, the pain just… stopped. The agony and discomfort ended up being compressed to a single point at the back of my head and simply vanished as I found my vision being restored to its full glory."Wh-wha…" A murmur of confusion left my mouth. "What happened…?"Less than a second later, the confounded memory hit my mind with a resultant force similar to that of the energy required to maneuver and swerve out of an off-road section after missing a turn on the racetrack — in other words, the memory of the unfortunate mishap that had happened to me before I lost consciousness slammed into me pretty darn hard."Full virus scan now commencing. Eliminating all known threats…""Now commencing deletion of 1,000,001 infected items."Gosh… that really did just happen to me, huh? A disparaging scowl was firmly on my face as I had to restrain myself from facepalming at my own stupidity when the antivirus software's announcement rocked throughout my head, perpetually playing itself over and over again like a race replay on repeat — just like all bad memories do.The final moments before I was disintegrated to nothingness were fresh in my head, causing me to clench my fists as my palms turned clammy. I had to squint my eyes shut in a bid to eject the traumatic memory out of my head.But the events that had went down truly was the most idiotic move on my part. It was the equivalent of gambling everything and the reward not paying off in the end.Heeheheh, I still remember Rancis doing exactly just that — selling everything that he owned just to prove a point to Taffyta by purchasing a goofily large kart… before crashing said kart in a blaze of spectacular glory and ending up all but flat broke.I had to admit that I laughed at the peanut butter-themed racer before feeling sorry for him and offering to fix him a new kart, just so that he wouldn't keep sobbing in that field of jelly beans he'd gotten himself stuck in.But this was a whole different game compared to that. Honestly, how was I supposed to know that the antivirus software would get me as well via friendly fire? Like, they should've put a warning label that states, "If you have some security flaw within you, activating the scan is tantamount to committing virtual suicide! So basically, DON'T DO IT!"I mean, the entire plan was arbitrary and flimsy to begin with, but it did work — I'll concede and give it that. Only problem was that in the end it'd never even crossed any of our minds that activating a software expertly designed to eliminate all security vulnerabilities would not work in tandem with someone like me — a kindred glitch in the source code of my home game."Sure you knew, Vanellope." The words left my mouth before I could stop them, my tone growing sarcastic as I get to my feet and swiftly proceed to insult myself using third-person banter, flinging my hands to my sides in anger."I mean, that was the whole reason why you activated the virus scan and sealed your own fate in the first place, guh-doy!" I yell with such amplitude that I could hear echoes from the distance. "Man, you're such a klutz! You should've known better…"My words only trail off when I notice an eerie blue glow surrounding my hand.What in the—Okay, now that was admittedly kind of creepy.Glancing at a nearby building that reflected my image through the mirror-like glass, I observe that my entire body was glowing blue. Involuntary shivering, I make a futile attempt to hide the fear and unease that rippled throughout my body, shaking me to my very code itself.The only person I knew who glowed like that was Mr. Surge Protector, and he'd ever said once before on a rare day off at Tapper's that it was the electricity arcing through him that gave him that ominous blue tint.So was I nothing but electricity now, sort of like a few scraps of code that managed to survive a hardcore deletion? My look of despair slowly turned to one of exhilarant laughter.Sweet! Go, me! I always knew that I was awesome! Man, I had a feeling that I wasn't a quitter deep down inside. Of course good ol' me would find some way to survive! Now, all I had to do was to get back to my previous life! Slaughter Race awaits me!I jump into the air and cheer, before my face scrunched up in confusion a few seconds later.It didn't take long for me to realize I was still holding my fist-pump pose ten seconds into the jump. I wasn't actually falling back down to the ground… it was as though gravity had no effect on me whatsoever.Forget about creepy… this is mortifying!Just where am I, anyway? The antivirus district, and Ralph for that matter, were all nowhere to be seen. Looking at my surroundings, I eventually came to the conclusion that I was back at the main hub area where I had started my journey."This is the most beautiful miracle I've ever seen, Ralph! It's incredible…"A wistful sigh left me as I recount the words I'd told Ralph when we first laid eyes on the silicon valley that stretched to the horizon and beyond. Even now, those words, and my opinion, held true. This place truly was marvelous, an experience that was indescribable unless one has personally gone through it themselves.Taking in a deep breath, I brush my candy-coated bangs aside. Man, this weird eerie blue glow really messes with my color scheme. The neon blue clashes against my favorite mint-green sweater, and the two primary colors end up being juxtaposed against one another… it isn't really pleasant to the eye, I'll sorely admit.I slowly let myself rise, tentatively waving my arms and flailing them about in an attempt to control myself. Eventually, I had enough of the stupid floating and glitched back down to solid ground.Geez, flying was harder than it looked!That being said… I did have to admit that it was somewhat cool to break the third dimension like that. Woo!Taking in a deep breath, I slowly let myself hover into the air again. After a brief bout of panic where I kicked my feet repeatedly on instinct, I got a grip of myself, slowly taking in deep breaths and calming my nerves down.This time, I let out a whoop of joy and enjoy the experience, for what it's worth.The entire world lay before me, with no place I that I was unable to get to — all of it was within the reach of my greedy little fingertips. It was a magical experience, one that almost makes me wish that my kart was programmed to fly…Still, I was so elated that I lower my altitude and swoop down to lower ground, glitching to the glass-covered hub and waved enthusiastically to the nearest blocky internet avatar I could see."Wa-hay!" I cheer next to him, jumping up and down. "Not only am I alive, now I can fly! Isn't that the greatest?"To my surprise, the 8-bit brown-haired person merely looked around to his left and right in response, confusion etched into his facial features. However, he mused out loud a few seconds later, his words freezing me up to my very code."Am I hearing things? How come my browser just played some weird audio on my tab without anything showing up?"…he couldn't see me?A few despondent hours later, I realize that nobody can.I tried everything, basically being as incessantly annoying as I could, but they would chalk it up to some weird error in their browser and promptly ignore me thereafter.The weird part was that while they could hear my voice loud and clear, there was nary a soul who could actually perceive my image, and weirdly enough I couldn't touch them either… I would just fall through them. It really began to irk me after the 50th straight time.Grouchily, I fold my arms and blew a raspberry at the next person that ignored my frenzied pleas to be noticed. The ability to fly in exchange of being unable to interact with anyone was a lousy trade, I'll say.After flailing my arms about to attract attention in a manner worse than some pop-ups, I finally gave up and slump to the reflective ground when the hundredth person that I approached coldly dismissed my desperate begs to notice me as "hearing things in her own imagination".The feeling of being alone was soul-crushing. It seized me like a ragdoll and never let go, its crushing embrace leaving a void in the area where my heart was. I'd almost forgotten what it was like to be by oneself, with no one by my side.To be all alone…I could feel my chest seizing up at the realization. I've had to suffer through fifteen hard years of being lonely as a glitch… and I never wanted to go through that horrible ordeal again.Ever.So why couldn't I interact with anyone? Why can they only hear my voice but not actually see me? Why couldn't they discern that someone from a candy-themed game released twenty-one years ago was tearfully pleading for anyone to acknowledge her… why!?Funnily enough, I got the answer to my own riddle soon enough.And ironically, it was all thanks to Knowsmore, that bespectacled purple goofball dressed with the fancy scholar's hat. I ended up learning about it from him, hovering unseen around his search bar until one of his patrons searched something of interest to me."internet secu—""…Internet Security Measures?" Knowsmore butted in, auto-completing the person's search query through his trial-and-tested autofill guesswork."Ah yes, that's it!" The blocky middle-aged avatar interjected. "'internet security measures', that's the search I want!"Knowsmore jolted, spazzing out as he always did whenever a search was run. "Ah, the joys of trending searches. That's the 100,000th unique search for that exact term today. Can't say I'm too surprised, given the aftermath of this whole virus fiasco," he mumbled softly, before clearing his throat and giving the avatar his response."Ahem! I have found 201,281,102 unique URL results for 'internet security measures'," Knowsmore informed the internet avatar as I perk my transparent head in interest. "May I perhaps recommend the 'Basic Internet Security for Dummies' webpage for you, sir?""Oh, yes!" He quickly reached for the preview icon that Knowsmore held out. "Take me there, asap!"I have to admit… this was the first time throughout the whole ordeal that I'd found myself getting irritated with jolly ol' Mr. Knowsmore. I mean, he's just doing his job of being a living encyclopedia of bookmarks, sure, but when the information he gives you just depresses you… yeah, I dunno.Following along the guy who had looked up the query was how I learnt about a funny little quirk regarding antivirus software — it turned out that when files are deleted, not all traces of them are gone.And the exact reason as to why made so much sense in retrospect, too."Note: the viruses detected in this preliminary scan is currently not in our virus database bank and is likely to be a new zero-day security vulnerability. Source code for the new viruses has thus been identified and logged into our Not-ron™ Internet Security Suite backend server."Hovering unseen around the information site, I read (bleh, how boring) that antivirus programs stored a backup of the viruses that they detect in their offline "cloud servers", which stands for some thingamajig that was too complex for my simple mind to comprehend.The long story short was that there was a backup for what they deleted. Now as to how I actually got free of that server locale, I don't know… but hey, I can't really complain!I suppose that was why I felt as though something was missing from me. Maybe the backup I escaped from was an incomplete copy of my code. When I glitched, I could see that I my code was more garbled than usual.But hey, a reprieve was a reprieve. Can't really complain.And just when I was finally getting my hopes up, that website proceeded to cruelly inform me of an obstacle to my newfound freedom.It turned out that all around the internet, there were these "fire-wall" thingies block unwanted packets of data—or something like that, I dunno—from reaching their destinations. So that makes them like Surge Protector back at Game Central Station… except y'know, worse? Like, twenty-kajillion times worse?Which is sort of a bummer, because that implicitly means that I'm doomed to be trapped in the internet forever… stuck floating about in this silicon limbo for eternity. Can't say that future sounds pleasant.I mean, I can't just head back to Litwak's Arcade in my current state! After seeing how Turbo went out in a blaze of glory, I have absolutely no intention of risking what remains of my scraps of code by braving what sounds like a wall of literal searing fire. I may be reckless on the track, but I still have some standards, okay!?I jolt up in realization, looking forlornly out to the sea of blue silicon that was outside the "For Dummies" webpage, stretched out as far as my hazel eyes could see.Turbo…?That racer was famous for one thing, and one thing only — ruthlessly jumping to another arcade game and soundly sabotaging it. The most famous act was Roadblasters… but less known and kept as a secret for years on end was that he'd also sabotaged my humble abode, Sugar Rush, under the guise of King Candy.Regardless, the act of going against the program by selfishly game-jumping and sabotaging others for one's own desire was such an infamous act that it'd earned its own name around Litwak's Arcade — going Turbo.My brows furrowed in annoyance. If anyone could actually see me, they would notice the clear displeasure in my eyes.…going Turbo?Wasn't that what I basically did to Sugar Rush by jumping ship to Slaughter Race? The same thing that he did when he jumped ship and took over my game without a hint of remorse?Clenching my glitchy, pixelated arms, I firmly shake my head in denial.No! I didn't go Turbo… I didn't! I refuse to be associated with the cruel monster who'd ruined my game and my life for fifteen long years!Because seriously, game-jumping wasn't the same thing as going Turbo. If jumping between games actually counted as a crime, then everyone who went down to Tapper's after the arcade closed would already have an arrest warrant from the Surge Protector!So what if I game-jumped to Slaughter Race? I never had any intention of taking over that game like a madman! And it's just like what I told Ralph — I'm not all that integral to Sugar Rush! The game could survive just fine without me once the Sugar Rush replacement steering wheel got delivered to Litwak and the cabinet ended up being fixed!Besides, I'm merely one of fifteen selectable racers, and as far as I'm concerned, no kid ever noticed that I was missing from the roster selection for fifteen whole years when Turbo took over! So why would they notice if I disappeared again now?Try as I might, I couldn't keep a scowl from forming as my lips curled upwards in frustration. Okay, maybe they might notice. I wince at the thought as I idly kick my minty-green striped feet about.In the six years that I'd been added to the 'Chews Your Racer' daily roster since King Candy's—Turbo's—fall, it was a pretty safe bet to assume that I was by far the most popular Sugar Rush racer picked by the regulars at Litwak's Arcade. On a good day, I could be selected at least ten consecutive times in a row by ecstatic gamers waiting to play as me — and the best part was that I didn't have to be a princess for them to do it.It wasn't my status or my appearance that won them over. It was my special glitching ability.The players all unanimously loved it, claiming that it was an original concept and that this powerup made me "awesome" to play, and that no other Sugar Rush cabinet had this feature. Well, duh. Of course they wouldn't, guh-doy!As a result of these combined criteria, the selection margin between me and Taffyta, for instance, was enormous. And that was saying something, because Taffyta was probably the second-most popular character who players picked as their avatar back in the day.Dang… I really did take that for granted. I can't believe that it had almost slipped my mind that when King Candy was in charge of Sugar Rush, I never had the chance to even drive a kart, let alone sit behind the wheel at all. Pitifully ironic how a near-death experience could wake you up to things you never noticed before, except by that time it's usually too late to make amends.What can I do?Was it really Turbo to chase my dreams?I grimace.Was it really… ah, who am I kidding?In the end, it didn't really matter whether I actually went Turbo or not. Not when the end result of this whole fiasco is me ending up as some sort of undead, discombobulated soul floating about in this place, constantly being ignored by everyone. One tends to care less about details when they were stuck in a situation like that.Maybe this is all just karma hitting me in the face, like a bunch of Sweet Seekers — I'll never forget the time Gloyd messed with me by deliberately staying behind my kart and firing the sugar-seeking powerups one at a time so that all three of the weapons hit me consecutively after brief reprieves. It didn't even matter that he was losing rank in the race by staying still, just so long as he could drag me down with him because of his prank.Man, did I let that prankster get his just desserts at the end of that race.And if I were to go on and reminiscence more about karmic payback, how about that time when a novice player drove me straight into a rolling gumball, spinning my kart off track and knocking me right down to 9th place in Gumball Gorge near the very beginning of the race. Yeah, that one hurt my teeth… and my pride as well. With that player behind the wheel, I wasn't even able to catch up to the others, even with my glitch-teleportation powerup.…yeah, this probably is karma.Okay, I admit it. Maybe ol' Stinkbrain wasn't the only selfish one here. Perhaps… I was selfish for wanting to stick around in Slaughter Race instead of returning back to Sugar Rush as well.Yeah… perhaps we both were selfish. And it cost us both, too.It cost us everything.Maybe I was a tad conceited after achieving my lifelong dream of being a real racer that I'd taken my fortunes for granted and let my mind greedily yearn for more. Bored by my mundane existence in Sugar Rush, I hungrily grasped ahold of Shank's offer to stay in Slaughter Race. I mean, how was I to know that my impulsive choice would lead to all of this?But now, it was like fate just yanked the rug out from under my oblivious feet. Now that I was nothing more than a few garbled scraps of binary code barely clinging on to existence on the world wide web, I would never be able to sit behind the wheel and enjoy the thrill of racing again, in either Sugar Rush or Slaughter Race.I scowl at the thought. Funny, I didn't know that the mods had a wicked sense of ironic humor.Bitterly, I reflect upon the fact that in my present state, I was now nothing more than a glitch that shouldn't even exist… just like what I'd once been when King Candy dummied me out of the game's source code and took my position as ruler so that he could callously take charge of Sugar Rush.As that foul king entered my thoughts, I couldn't keep myself from relapsing into dark memories locked deep within the innermost synapses of my code."My sweet subjects! Please, I beckon you… everyone, settle down! Let me explain things!"A shiver rocked through me despite the warm weather, shuddering me to the point where I involuntarily glitched into lines of code as I recall the scumbag who had said those words."That Vanellope… is a glitch! A glitch who can tear this game apart! By royal decree, I order that none of you racers shall interact with 'dat wretched glitch! And most importantly, you must never allow her to race in the Random Roster Race! If she does, we'll all be doomed… done like dinner! Make sure 'dat rotten little glitch gets the fate 'dat she deserves — to be nothing but a piece of commented-out code dat's ignored by the program for the rest of her days!"…nothing but a piece of commented-out code dat's ignored by the program…Wait a moment!I croak out a horrified gasp in shock as the announcement from King Candy, one made a time long past, appeared at the forefront of my mind and rang throughout my head.Ghosted, commented-out code. That had to be what I was right now.I'd seen that sort of code once before in the Sugar Rush code room. On one fine morning where I found myself curious about my previous home, Diet Cola Mountain, I swam into the code room to sate my curiosity, only to find that the section of the code where the mountain was programmed in the system appeared went like this:“/* Racetracks track6; // declare track 6 under public class Racetracks. // —TRACK 6: DIET COLA MOUNTAIN— // note as of compile pull dated 01031997: track cut from Sugar Rush release v1.0 due to time constraints. // All calls to Diet Cola Mountain have been pulled — Royal Raceway Grand Prix mode will no longer call it, new track order is thus: Sweet Ride, Gumball Gorge, Cakeway, Frosty Rally, Nougat Mines. // reason for cutting track: need stable release for initial rollout, but track #6:dcm is way too buggy. might patch it in future update on fan demand. ;) or maybe not lol. :PPPPPPP track6.trackname = “Diet Cola Mountain”; track6.trackno = 6; track6.totallaps = 5; … */”And just like that, Diet Cola Mountain vanished from Sugar Rush, never to appear in the playable track list forever. Unlike their words, the developers at Tobikomi had quite evidently never got around to patching in a finished version of Diet Cola Mountain. Seriously, to this very day I doubt that anyone besides Ralph and I knows about the existence of the hidden track.It was honestly shocking that the developers could just dummy out something like that on a whim. The exaggerated amount of emojis in their comments, forever sealed for posterity in Sugar Rush's source code, showed that they weren't even taking it seriously when they decided to pull the plug and cut out the course.Hmph… the nerve.Trying to keep my composure, I glitch out of the informative website and let myself reflect on what I've learned as I float silently in the air.From what I knew, lines of code that were commented out still existed in theory, but they were unable to affect those around it for safety reasons.Oh, joy. Kind of like me right now. The blissful irony. That explained why I was in a ghostly, incorporeal form.Looking back on it, it was so obvious in retrospect. So the antivirus software did do its job… except not fully. Maybe because I was half-glitch, I was able to escape from the backend servers storing my glitched data… because it didn't delete the code that wasn't glitched? I have no clue.Well, the very fact that I was currently floating in limbo meant that theory was all but 99.9999999% confirmed.Still, the irony of it all tasted as bitter as dark chocolate. To think that I was thrust headfirst into the same situation I was in all those years ago.I guess that one can say that I was lucky to survive the virus wipe… to a certain extent. I mean, come on, can you really call your entire code being obliterated to nothingness lucky? Sounds more like sweet despair! I mean, with my now code commented out, I have no physical body. I'm like some kind of glitch in the matrix who managed to transcend time and space!…or however that stupid convoluted idiom went.And thus, I was now like some kind of otherworldly apparition, a fortunate—or perhaps it was unfortunate—freak of nature.I let a chuckle grace my lips at the thought. Freak of nature? As if!Unsurprisingly, having my own code ripped from my living insides didn't do much to change my snarky personality. Like, in the slightest. If anything, the incident only served to make me even more cheeky.Hey, being deleted and almost killed off for real hasn't got rid of this petite girl's spunky attitude! It sure did try, but if anything, the whole process and ordeal doubled down on it and made my snarky self even more nonchalant and obnoxious with my behavior!You can take the code out of the girl, but you can't take the spunk out of her!My personality is so ingrained into me that even though I've had my code ripped out from me twice—once with Turbo, once with the antivirus program—deep down within my candy-coated body, I'm still the same sarcastic sharp-tongue shooter, quick-witted racer, and adorable winner that is Vanellope von Schweetz!Muhihihihi! They can certainly try, but no one can ever change who I really am!As I thought that, a flash of red juxtaposed against the blue backdrop caught my eye, causing me to flinch when I realize that I'd unintentionally let myself hover back to the scene of my apparent demise.Without even noticing it, I unconsciously let a forlorn and somber smile creep onto my face."Ralph…"The reluctant murmur that left my mouth was as soft as a hushed whisper, a voice that was so inaudible that an outsider could practically pass it off as the wind playing tricks on their ears.Biting my lip tentatively, I let myself glitch down, stopping short of splatting on the floor by using my newfound powers to hover off the polished ground.Taking in a deep breath, I apprehensively approach my distraught former friend. I could feel the butterflies swirling in my stomach as I strode towards him… gosh, why is this so hard!?My throat started to swell, forcing me to gulp and swallow my saliva. Sucking in all the breath that my discombobulated body can take in, I gently tapped the shoulder of the big lug… the loyal Stinkbrain who I had known tenderly for six years.Here we go, I guess. I can only hope this goes well…
Author's Note:
I hope this explanation of commenting out code and backend server backups, aka how Vanellope "survives" suffices. And yes, I know an arcade machine like Sugar Rush would likely be programmed in ASM and not something like C, but I am unfortunately unaware as to how a low-level language like assembly code works, so you'll have to settle with a mid-level language like C. Hush, y'all!The Diet Cola Mountain mockup code I wrote broke gloriously on FFN (because of course it did), so I had to change it there. It doesn't use object-oriented programming, and the comment gag kind of falls flat there because FFN text editor rips out tabs, double-slashes, and blanks. I kept the original version of the code on AO3 at least (hooray AO3 formatting).So, fun fact — I only saw the first Wreck-It Ralph AFTER viewing the sequel, so I didn't understand the internet's reaction on why Vanellope shouldn't have ditched Ralph to head off to Slaughter Race in the conclusion until I did more research. For as much as the moral lesson of WIR2 is poignant and heartwarming, I do have to admit that with prior knowledge of its predecessor, it actually does seem to go against the messages taught in the first film.So what better way to avoid all these contradictory plot holes and bring forth the touching message of the second film than to write my own take on Ralph letting go of Vanellope. In other words… with a horrifying tragedy. :pBy the way, I'm not going to lie, the working title for this fic was "It's a Slaughterful Life" — based off Vanellope's dream game Slaughter Race and the film "It's a Wonderful Life" due to the supernatural twist and the reminiscence angle that this story is headed in… but right before I uploaded the first chapter, I went to check the FFN archives just in case. 'Twas incredibly lucky that I did so too, because apparently another fic beat me to that title. Whew, barely dodged a bullet there.Also, to the guest reviewer asking if I would dare to undo everything by giving Vanellope a happily ever after and letting her stay in Slaughter Race with Shank… how cute. Wouldn't that go against the whole point of this tragedy story? Yeah, I thought so too. :PAnyway, next time — Ralph and Vanellope scene. You all better prepare your tissues, because I fully intend to make it as tragically poignant as possible. No mercy from me whatsoever. Apologies in advance once again.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Chapter 3: Best Friends Forever…
My code almost went into an infinite loop as my arm phased right through Ralph's shoulder.Whoa, whoa, whoa… h-hey!As I panic, I realized that it didn't just stop with my arm, though. My body followed suit, briefly flashing a bright turquoise blue as I was transformed into lines of glitched code. The next thing I know, I had ended up from being behind Ralph to in front of him, completely falling through his bulky body.And to make matters worse, the ground was rushing up to meet me because I had leaned forward with the gesture, thus losing my balance as I had expected for Ralph to support my weight. Suppressing a yelp, I instinctively brace myself, placing my arms ahead of me as I end up falling onto the ground.Ouch. Now that hurt. Not physically, but more mentally.Slowly getting back on my feet as I rub my forehead in pain, I shake my head in confusion until I realize the issue on hand and the reason why I fell through Ralph.Oh yeah… that's right. I couldn't physically interact with anything or anyone right now. Boo hoo, what do you know… it'd actually slipped my mind, one-hundred percent. I made sure to gingerly faux-clap with my palms as I noted down the astute observation with sarcastic mirth. How amusing.Ah, blame the poignant moment of seeing Ralph again for messing with my short-term memory!But before I could use my voice to get Stinkybutt's attention—and I knew for a fact that he could at least be able to hear me after my exploits with trying to get the numerous internet avatars to notice me—Ralph actually caught me off guard by preempting me and talking nostalgically to himself before I could speak up."I always knew you were important to me, you little feisty rascal. And the thing was, I always knew that the two of us were special… but it took this whole crummy adventure to really seal the deal."I feel my words die on the tip of my tongue as he spoke in a heartbroken voice, wistfully looking up to the horizon. His huge, calloused palms were clenched tightly by his side, making him appear like the stiff 8-bit persona that he was on the scanlines of the cabinet screen."I mean, if I were to tell my younger self about what his life would be now before old me was sent hurtling like a screaming monkey into your game hunting down that dumb hero medal…" he mumbles, gesticulating his arms about with appropriate hand gestures to match his words, "Let me tell you, old me would never believe current me. Not even a single word. I'd have lost my younger self the instant I tell him that Felix and I have patched things up."Ralph then let out a genuine laugh, before continuing to speak to the air as though I was physically there — even though, ironically, I actually was. "And yeah, I can bet some dough on it," he added, winking for good measure. "Past me would never be able to visualize a big, ugly loser like himself managing to get one of the best friends that he could ever ask for to support him by his side."I would be straight up lying if I say that I didn't inhale sharply upon hearing his touching words. He really thought that lowly of himself in the past?And of me?Letting out a shaky breath, I glitch up about a meter off the ground and proceed to lay down in midair, stretching my legs and arms out as I made myself comfortable, pretending that I was sleeping in a hammock as I gazed down at the moping Ralph."I still remember when I first met you while climbing up that candy-cane tree…" He let out a wistful sigh, sheepishly rubbing his scraggy brown hair. "Mod, I remember hating you so much that day when you stole the medal that I got from Hero's Duty from right under my nose."Doo-ty, I correct in my head with a mental snigger. Man, that in-joke between us never gets old!And to be fair, he was totally at fault for not knowing how double-stripes work. Rookie mistake."I would just like to be perfectly honest right now — if you weren't designed to be as cute as a button…" he says, squeezing his index finger very close to his thumb and flashing an unintentional peace sign as a result. "…I would have used these bulky hands of mine to squish you into the shape of a gumball and taken my medal right back."I almost laugh, first at the unexpected turn his sentence took, and then at the analogy itself. The mental picture of me scrunched into a plump gumball shape along the lines of Sour Bill was so ridiculous that it was honestly hard for me not to holler and roll around in uncontrollable laughter.Still, I couldn't help but to feel bashful that Ralph thought of me in such a way. It was really kinda… sweet."So when you twisted my arm behind my back—figuratively, that is—and forced me to make that deal with you to earn the medal back from the Winner's Cup in the junkyard, I'll be blunt and truthful… I couldn't care less if you got what you wanted, so long as I also managed to get what I want in the end."I had the slightest of reactions to the big lug's admittance, Ralph's statement having enough of an effect to cause me to prop myself up to a sitting position from my horizontal one. Leaning forward and paying full attention, I idly start playing with a lock of my candy-coated jet-black hair, rolling it around with my fingers like it was a stick of wafer roll.I mean, I did suspect the truth behind his actions way back then, even when I was a glitch. And granted, it was really kinda obvious in retrospect. And loathe as I am to admit it, I had been doing the exact same thing back to Ralph — using him for my own ends as well. All I needed was for him to break me into the Kart Bakery, and in return I'd win the Random Roster Race and earn my racing status and his dumb coin-looking-medal back. Easy-peasy!In the beginning, the both of us pretended that our friendliness and wish to help the other was genuine, although it was nothing but a false charade. I'd forced a hesitant—and wry—smile to him, skeptical after years of the other racers and on occasion even King Candy giving me false assurances, especially considering that my Likkity-Split had just been thrashed moments prior.But as they say — nothing ventured, nothing gained. It was a chance that I had to take, and I'm infinitely glad to this day that I hadn't just bolted away from Ralph in anger back then instead of negotiating with him. And thus, we'd shook on the deal with our very differently-sized hands, sealing our impromptu partnership that would eventually grow to that of a genuine friendship.As much as it pains me, I sometimes wish that we hadn't started on such rocky ground. It was really painful to recall that our bonds together had actually been born for the most selfish of reasons.To hear Ralph confess it out loud to me—even though he didn't know that I was listening in—what he'd genuinely thought about the rough beginning of our now-strong friendship… was something that I thought I'd never hear. It was a touchy topic and something that we'd both unanimously agreed to leave in the past."But as things happened, I really warmed up to you as time went on. You were the first person to see past me for who I was… not even Felix saw me in that light until a few hours later! In fact, until Candy spoke to me—" he cut himself off there, unwilling to continue. To be fair, I was in a similar boat as well, freezing up involuntarily at the mention of his name.Ralph decisively clenched his palms, changing the topic as fluidly as the way I'd shift gears in my old kart. "Anyway, to cut a long story short… things changed, and yet they were still the same. Though you managed to get yourself promoted to president of Sugar Rush once we beat Turbo, to me you were still the same sassy girl whom I first met while climbing up that candy-cane tree."Heh, heh! At least he got that part's right! I'll never be a frilly princess! My code might say that, but I'd only worn that dumb dress twice ever since the reset!"Maybe that's why I really had trouble adapting to you actually changing," he mumbles to himself, bringing his arms close to him as he involuntarily shivers. "I'm sorry, kid… no, Vanellope." He quickly corrects himself, using my given name — a gesture which made me hold back a choked sob as I continue to hover above him in an invisible disarray of binary code. "I should have told you how sorry I was for what I did to Slaughter Race in a bid to get you to see reason when I actually had the chance. Now I guess it's too late to make amends…"I was just about to tell him that it wasn't too late when he suddenly cut himself off, looking as though he was suffering a migraine."Oh my biscuits. I just realized something." Ralph sheepishly rubbed his neck, an embarrassed look prominently featured on his face. "How am I gonna tell Felix about this?" A second pause as his face turns into one of horror. "Oh man, I'm toast. How am I possibly gonna break the news to the rest of your little cavities that my partner adopted? Calhoun's totally going to kick my behind all the way to Tapper's… and that's not an exaggeration! She actually will do that!"Almost at once, I was forced to cover my mouth with my hands to suppress my growing laughter. Was it really too bad that I could visualize and picture the entire conversation between Ralph and the standoffish Sergeant Lady in my head?"So, um… I kind of messed up and now the kid's nothing but shredded code after our trip to the internet…" Stinkbrain would probably stumble on his own words by this point… he never was good with words when it came to breaking bad news."Excuse me, you did… what?" The blonde-haired armored woman would raise an eyebrow incredulously at Ralph before shooting him an epic glare that would probably scare the socks off of ninety percent of the arcade's inhabitants, Cy-Bugs included. "You managed to lose Vanellope, Wreck-It!? Gah… I have no words to say to this. This is seriously a whole new level of idiocy for you, you flimflam!"I watch intently as Ralph let out a groan, slumping down to the bluish floor. "But still… wherever you are, if you can still hear me—""Aw, shucks. Thanks for everything, ya big Stinkbrain!" I interject to thank Ralph for his kind words before he could repeat his entire apology, making sure to look closely at him as I wait for his reaction.It was instantaneous. Within a second Ralph had went from moping to stunned, whirling his head around in the general direction where I had call him."Kid… Vanellope…? Is that you?" he uttered softly, almost afraid as if he had said it any louder it would be revealed as nothing but a façade, mere playthings and hallucinations of his mind.After a pause, he picked his jaw off the floor and called out for me again. "President Peanutbrain? I know that you said that you hated me forever…" he trailed off as he said that, his eyes unable to meet anything but the ground. "But please kid, if it's really you, answer me so that I know that you're there and that I'm not hearing things!" There was a light in his eyes that I hadn't seen in a while. They were filled with yearnful hope."Ah, Ralphy…" I pause for effect, before finishing with a half-teasing, half-serious tone. "…you never were good at keeping up suspense."As I finish up my snarky statement, I grin as I saw Ralph perk up, allowing himself to let a smile adorn his face. "It's really you? You're still with me?" he finally brought himself to ask, his eyes wide with disbelief as they dart around in search for where my discombobulated voice had come from. "But… how?""Well, I ain't gonna answer until you catch me! Heh heh heh!""Not a chance, Miss Voice-in-my-Head!" Despite Ralph's seemingly harsh words, the broken look that I could see displayed on his face showed that they were uttered in desperation. "You aren't gonna leave me until I say so! Come on, now! Please, I need you!"He began to wave those giant hands of his about, grasping nothing but air as he futilely tried to grab the area where he thought my voice was coming from. I had to resist the urge to snicker when he wound up flailing about in a direction which was very off from my current location.Now, I know that this might sound like a really mean thing to do, but I couldn't help but to waft out of the way whenever he made a grab from the area where I was, chortling as I did every time."Can't catch me, slowpoke!" I mock with a teasing jeer. "Ya can't even see me!"Ralph growled as he made haste in targeting the area where he last heard my giggling. "Kid, I swear to mod! You better cut this out!""Not a chance, Red Baron!"Now, there were two reasons as to why I was doing this to Ralph. Reason number one — deep down, I am still the same sassy girl that I'd always been. Even in a moment like this, I wanted to at least inject some humor and alleviate the dark atmosphere with a teeny little tinge of gallows humor.The second reason was more personal. As I laugh while Ralph furiously tried to chase and get ahold of my unseen apparition, I could close my eyes and almost imagine us both back at Litwak's Arcade, doing the exact same thing. Perhaps all I wanted was to believe that even though our lives and relationship have changed irrevocably, in some ways… everything was still the same as they'd always been.I'm still the sassy and awesome President Fartfeathers, and he's still the doting father figure—my Stinkbrain—who tenderly loved and cared for me, looking past my appearance and personality and befriending me regardless of who I am.Two misfits from two separate games released in arcades almost fifteen years apart, and yet due to an ironic turn of fate, we ended up as the unlikeliest of allies, but also the best of friends.Ralph and Vanellope.We were, and still are, the best of friends. After all, it was an iron bond that was forged through the flames of cold fire… or perhaps, in my personal opinion, a bond which was baked together in the Kart Bakery. I sigh wistfully, remembering and reminiscing about many fond memories shared between us for just a fleeting moment.I eventually took pity on him and glitch up to his shoulder just like old times, using my newfound paranormal abilities to hover so that I didn't pass through his body. He stopped flailing about as I did so, almost as though he could feel my weight… in spite of the fact that I know that it was impossible for him to be sure of my exact location.It was probably some inner gut instinct within Ralph that told him that I was close by. Such a sappy reason was so totally Ralph. Still, I couldn't help but to confirm his suspicions."Yo. I'm here, Stinkbrain."The whisper was said directly into his right ear from my vantage point, so if he didn't know where I was after I practically revealed my whereabouts to him, I would have nothing to say.Thankfully, despite what many in the arcade thought, Ralph wasn't that stupid. He caught on almost immediately. "K-kid…" he whispered hesitantly, looking directly at my direction. "Are you there?"I nod at him, before wincing and lowering my head when I remember that he couldn't actually see me. "Yeah, short stuff. It's me," I reach out to tousle his brown hair before stopping short when I recall that my hands would just go through it. "I mean, come on… who else would it be, Ralph?""K-kid! I-It's you! You're actually here!" he choked, looking just about ready to bawl his eyes out.I chuckle with unrestrained mirth. "Aw, Ralphy… you lily-livered lollipop, you! Get a grip on yourself, ya crying cracker!" The reprimand was both simultaneously serious and meant in jest."B-B-But…" he blubbered, admittedly sounding kinda stupid as he tried to control his emotions. "How can I—""And I forgive you, Ralph," I hurriedly add before the conversation could derail. As Ralph began to smile goofily at those four words, I grin and proceed to add an addendum. "I never said that I didn't want you as a friend, ya big dummy. I just said that you were behaving like a bad friend."Silence filled the area, the soft whirl of the antivirus software being the only thing that could be heard for a while.He finally managed to stutter a reply. "Th-thanks, kid. I'm so glad that you forgive me…" His lips curled up into a smile when he realized that I had liberated him. The change was very noticeable visibly, as Ralph had straightened up immediately, looking like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders."…for being…?" I prompt Ralph to continue on, causing him to sigh as he knew immediately exactly what was coming up. Honestly, that big doofus should have known that I wouldn't let him off for his perverse actions that easily.Nevertheless, he continued to go through the motions with a roll of his eyes. "…a colossal idiot.""And?" I beckon him further with a lopsided smirk, causing his smile to widen as he got a confirmation of my intentions from my tone alone."A really insecure numbskull."I flutter my eyelids this time. "And?"He sighed — although it wasn't out of exasperation, but rather the hilarity of it all. "A selfish diaper baby who peed his pants.""And…?" I tilt my head, waiting for the best part.A latent pause before Ralph murmured the words that the both of us knew he was going to say."…a stinkbrain?"I let loose a cackle, glitching off his shoulders to get myself in a position that was just above his head. "You're the stinkiest brain in the whole wide world," I kindly inform Ralph while savagely nodding in concurrence."Says the sassiest kid in the whole entire arcade," he shoots back at me.I furrow my brow, laughing at his comment. "Oh, mods have mercy! You are such a kid, Stinkbrain!" My arms were by my hip as I mumble the exasperated remark.Ralph went googly-eyed at my accusation. "N-No! What are you talking about!?" he denied, laughing it off with a dismissive gesture."Hey, don't try to play dumb with me! You act like such a diaper baby at times, you know?" I proceed to roll my eyes even though I was well aware that Ralph couldn't see it… I just had to hope that he knew me well enough to know that I was rolling my eyes at him from beyond the Recycle Bin. "Honestly, sometimes I think that our relationship should actually work the other way around."Ralph quirked his head in befuddlement, scratching his head as his mind exhausted all possibilities as to the intended meaning of my words. "I'm sorry… what?""Well, since you act like a stinky diaper-baby all the time—" my lips curl up in a rate that was directly proportional to the rise in Ralph's annoyance level, "—I think that would make you the aloof younger brother."A snap of my fingers then caused Ralph's eyes to fall upon me as I deliver the parting blow. "And I guess that would mean that I play the role of the cool older sister!""H-H-Hey!" he finally manages to splutter. "I'm older than you, you know?" he countered, looking more than a little self-conscious."Sweet pumpkin pie, that doesn't make a difference! Come on, don't you remember? Our ages are programmed, Ralph!" I say indignantly as I point the fact out to him. "It doesn't actually matter that I physically look like a nine-year-old.""Hey, my game came out for at least a decade and a half before yours was even programmed, kid."I inwardly cringe as I saw Ralph's smug smirk. Sweet sourdough, he could be good at arguing if he actually bothered trying, something he usually didn't bother with a good half the time.Still, I wasn't going to lose to him in a verbal argument just like that. Not without a fight. "Ah-hem!" I clear my throat, closing my eyes and holding my head high in what I personally dubbed as my 'presidential speech' pose. "But you're still more childish than I am!" I cackle with a grin, hitting him where it hurts… all in the name of laughs and jeers, of course."I am not!" he fired back, which quickly led to me raising a brow in delight. Now that was a little too quick of a response, if you ask me.Hence, I proceeded to taunt him in a singsong-like manner, sticking my tongue out directly in his face for good measure… if only he could see it. "Yes, you are~""C'mon, I'm not childish!""You totally are, ya goofball!""Am not!""You smell like a kid, and you act just like one too!""I am not a… hey, wait a second." Ralph suddenly let his words trail off, a knowing look in his eye. "You're instigating me on purpose just to prove your point, aren't you?"My hands flew to my mouth, a slight giggle escaping me as I chuckle at Ralph's abrupt realization. "Aw, guess you caught me out there, Smarty McSmartpants!" I confess, my words and my earlier stifled laugh basically all the proof that Ralph needed to confirm his theory.Ralph smirked when I concurred with his hypothetical guess. "Looks like I beat you at your own game, huh princess?"Leaning forward, I let out an imprudent snort at him. "Oi… that's president, ya big dolt! Pre-si-dent!" I articulate each syllable slowly, somehow not noticing his lips rising in amusement as he heard me do so. "Geez! How many times must I tell… you… that…?" A grimace rocked through me when I saw his smug face after my outburst, realizing too late that he had deliberately riled me up to prove his point.Ralph folded his arms with a wink, a cocky smirk on his face as he proceeded to turn the tables on me. "Gotcha there, kid." The 'kid' was emphasized this time, with so much emphasis placed on the inflection of the affectionate term that there might as well be a neon sign next to Stinkbrain that said, "Look at me! I just managed to punk a little girl and beat her in a war of words."I could hear his unseen question from his tone alone — who's the kid now, huh?"Oh, alright!" I finally relent to Ralph with a pout, flinging my arms to my sides out of frustration at somehow managing to fall for his reverse psychology trick. Geez, I must really be out of my element for Ralph of all people to beat me in verbal war! "Ya win this round, Stinkbrain. I'll continue to be the cute younger sister and you'll be the super-duper cool big brother. Yer happy now, buster?""I sure am, Little Miss President."I let out a snort at him. Oh, now you refer to me as a president."But maybe not anymore, huh?" Ralph then proceeded to ask in a rhetorical way. Finding myself confused as to why he would make that remark, I quirk my head as a gesture for him to elaborate. Thankfully, although he couldn't see me, he still ended up doing so. "I mean, you're not exactly president anymore, are you? Slaughter Race is your new game now," he explained.Oh, great.My heart sank. He didn't know, did he?I scolded myself inwardly, glitching down to the ground. Well, of course he wouldn't know! Ya haven't told him yet, genius!"Ralph, look at—" I bite down on my tongue, hastily verbally backspacing and backtracking when I realize my careless mistake, "Sorry, listen to me. I-I… I can't go back."The words tumble out before I could stop them, causing Ralph's eyes to widen exponentially. The outlandish, goofy sight would have been hilarious had I been in any other situation.But not this one.Ralph's face was absolutely heart-wrenching to look at. The downcast, horrified expression on the wrecker's face perfectly encapsulated the meaning of the word "despair". It was one befitting a person who was losing all hope.Before I know it, I found my own inner resolve crumbling at his look. Before I could have any second thoughts, I push back my usual apprehensiveness with regards to opening up to others and started to admit my deepest, darkest concerns to my best friend."I just… can't, Ralph," I lament in a voice which was so serious and soft that I almost couldn't believe that it was mine. Gone were all the vitriolic banter and verbal jabs. It was all serious time now. "Look, Stinkbrain… I know you can't see me, so I'm just gonna tell you right now. I'm not even the same Vanellope that you used to know."I hold my lips steady, turning away from Ralph so that I didn't have to make things harder by facing him as I spoke. "Not anymore at least, not when the virus scan got me good. Heheheh…"My bitter laugh was so startling that it ended up causing him to step back with a thud. For a slight moment, my body proceeded to betray me by sneaking a glance back at Ralph, instinctively noticing that he had a shocked face before I snap back to reality, tell myself that I couldn't look at him lest I lose my cool, and swiftly whirl back around. "Isn't fate a cruel game programmer?" I ask with a pensive frown on my visage, "Now I'm nothing but a ghostly glitch again, Ralph! I can't venture back to either Slaughter Race or Sugar Rush… at least not the way that I am right now!"The instant I feel my lips quivering, I knew that I had to cut things off before I lost my composure."I guess this is what I deserve…""No!" he howled like a beast, running in my direction as he heard me say those self-destructive words. His footsteps were so forceful that they caused miniature tremors as he ran. "That's not true, kid! Not even a single bit! You didn't deserve any of this, so don't bring scorn and guilt upon yourself when you willingly risked your life to save the internet from me!""You're wrong, Ralph!" I retorted, my voice cracking slightly. "I am a glitch. Always was, always have been, and always will be…"Ralph flinched back when he heard my derogatory comment, a stubborn look on his face quickly forming as he defiantly countered back. "You're wrong, kid! People love your glitching! I saw the gamers always pick you because of it!""Well now that I'm stuck like this, I hate it!" I fire back without missing a beat, ripping out a piece of candy from my hair and hurling it to the ground in anger.Confession time — I wasn't the least bit surprised when it ended up passing through the ground instead of landing with a clack against the floor. With a sigh, I flick away a wisp of black hair that got into my eye and proceed to stare my friend right in the face."Ralph… I don't have much time…" I said, mustering up the most serious voice that I possibly could. "The virus scan completely deleted me, so all that there's left are a few lines of random access memory. The remnants of my very code is breaking apart even as we speak. Soon, my code will dissolve completely and there'll be nothing left but a memory…"It was a white lie, but since I never got around to telling Ralph the itty-bitty details about how I got revived after the scan in the first place, he proceeded to buy it like a fresh root beer from Tapper's.I could feel him seize up from under my feet as his mind slowly pieced together what I was telling him. "No! It can't be… I just got you back, kid! Please!" he cried, holding both of his freakishly big palms together. "C'mon, you can't do this to me a second time! Don't leave me alone again…"As much as it tore my heart out, I couldn't allow Ralph to know the full entire truth — that I could never return with him to Litwak's Arcade. To yearn and dream is a dangerous thing. I knew that feeling very well, having longed to be a racer for fifteen long years after my throne was seized by Turbo from right under my nose.I shoot a glimpse towards Ralph, seeing denial clouding his petrified brown eyes as his dark fears once again grasp firmly ahold of him. "Not again… please! I can't lose you after I literally just got you back, kid! Not like this!"There is nothing more devastating in the entire world than allowing yourself to believe, only to have your goals be crushed when you finally open your heart to the possibility of successfully achieving what you want.So, no. I wasn't going to be that girl, not to a friend like Ralph. I adamantly stood my ground, refusing to mislead Ralph into thinking that I could remain by his side when the circumstances said otherwise, even though it broke me inside."Goodbye, Ralph. You'll always be my friend, Stinkbrain." I slowly wave a final farewell to him, my body briefly pixelating into blocks as I struggle with all my might to remain composed. For a moment, he stared at me in a way that almost made it seem as though he'd seen my body glitching."Vanellope… please…" Ralph fell on his knees, all but pleading with me to stay with him. "…please don't go. There's gotta be another way, kid…"Tearing my teary eyes and body away from him literally took all of my willpower."Thanks for everything… I'll never forget you…"My adieu traveled to Ralph through the wind. As my final farewell reach his ears, I hastily took to the sky and forced myself not to look back at the stricken wrecker, ignoring my own shattering heart as I fled from the vicinity.It was only after I was very, very, very, very super-duper-positively-absolutely-one-hundred-percent sure that I was far enough away from Ralph (I practically zoomed all the way back to the main hub area just for safety) did I finally break my composure, sniffing and allowing the first tears to trickle down my cheeks.The teardrops spazzed out as they dribbled down my face, glitching out of existence and vanishing into nothingness before they could hit the polished ground.The only reason that we'd even gotten away with this whole crazy adventure in the first place was because Litwak's Arcade had wound up closed for a week. A week without work was the only reason that Ralph was able to get away from his game, Fix-It Felix Jr., jumping into "wi-fi" and onto the internet in the first place.I wipe my two eyes with the sleeves of my hoodie, holding back a sniff.Stinkbrain was so predictable. If he were to find out that I was alive but unable to return to Litwak's Arcade because of what I'd become, then I would bet my license that he would almost certainly stay on the internet just to be with me.My fists then clenched with determination as I adjusted my tear-stained hoodie. Not a chance, buster!Ralph still had a perfectly functional game, and if he didn't return, there was no doubt as to what would happen to his game — Fix-It Felix Jr. would be put out of order. I wasn't going to let Ralph abandon his game on a whim for the foolhardiest of reasons… like I did to mine.Even if it meant breaking his heart and stomping it into miniscule pieces. It was… for his own good."No! You will not follow me, Ralph! A friend would never do what you just did! Never! So just leave me alone!"Funny, huh. I could almost swear that I appear to have gotten my wish from earlier. It was such an ironic shame, the whole way that this scenario had played out. The bitter irony tasted like salt to me.Be mean to be nice. Be mean to be nice…I had to keep telling myself that before my inner guilt tore me inside-out.As I continue to bawl, a flicker of tiny orange caught my eye, causing them to drift down from the parapet I was sitting on. Blinking away tears to clear up my vision, they soon focused on a flame.Said flame was alit, although upon closer inspection, it wasn't ablaze because anybody was actually on fire. Rather, the constant flickering was from the miniature fire which was fueled by the wick of a candle."Ohhh… everything's so shiny!"I wipe my eyes with my balled hands, then proceeded to rub them again for good measure until I was absolutely sure that I wasn't hallucinating the cake-capped person carefreely skipping down on the ground below."Milk my monkeys… why are you here?" The hissed question was inflected with a trace of curiosity, but mostly grave concern.Because seriously, why would Candlehead be here, on the internet?My innate curiosity couldn't take it anymore. Like a moth drawn to a flame, I swooped down and close in on her, ending up just above her head."Shiny… so bright…" she murmured with glee. I snort and chortle when I saw Candlehead reach out to touch the glass mirror, the girl grinning in fervent excitement as she caressed the reflection of her lit pink candle, petting it like a owner would pet their pet.Of course she would be enthralled by her candle's reflection. Of course.Now that I thought better about it… why was she here, anyway? Sure, Sugar Rush may have gotten itself unplugged, but it wasn't an excuse for any one of the racers to just zoom off onto the internet. Wasn't Surge supposed to be on guard duty? I mean, Ralph and I did manage to get past him… but surely that had to be a fluke, not a regular occurrence!"Hey, Candlehead!" A somewhat snobby, if concerned, voice cut in from the distance. "Don't get yourself lost. Follow us, this place is huge."Oh, mod no. I could only shake my head in blatant disbelief. Was this the entire universe's "let's totally mess with Vanellope" day? Well, it sure did look like it.Because why else would Taffyta be popping her head around the corner and gesturing for a befuddled Candlehead to follow her?Taffyta and Candlehead… here? Oh, what gives? Why must this happen to me!?Silently, I follow alongside Taffyta, who had already grabbed Candlehead by the hand and started to drag her along in spite of her protests."You too, Rancis?! Get your head out of that mirror!"I felt my eyebrows twitch when I heard and then saw Taffyta chiding the peanut butter-themed racer, who was vainly straightening up his neatly trimmed blond hair with the help of the shiny surfaces that were littered around the vicinity.Taffyta, Candlehead, and Rancis? Okay, now this was getting ridiculous! Seriously, all three of them—I suddenly blink my hazel eyes in horror, jolting back in realization as an epiphany hit me.Oh, don't tell me…As I rounded the corner, my suspicions were confirmed. I promptly exhaled a tired breath, admonishing myself for my short-sightedness as my eyes flickered downwards, the faintest trace of a smile trailing across my jawline.I really should have seen this coming. Of course it wasn't going to be just Taffyta and her usual posse.Everyone was here.And when I said everyone, I literally mean everyone, too. From Jubileena to Adorabeezle… why, even the recolors are hanging about here! The fourteen Sugar Rush racers were all huddled around in the main hub area of the internet, curiously wandering around and admiring the vast blue nebula that stretched all around them.My eyes glimmer with amusement as I observe the sight. It was so oddly… nostalgic. If I close my eyes, it almost felt as though I was hosting a Random Roster Race again."On a list of the most stupid, reckless ideas that you've dragged us into, this is darn well near the top, Swizz!"Opening my eyes, my attention was promptly drawn to a racer who had a large orange pumpkin perched atop his head and was currently glowering at his lollipop-capped friend. But his angered façade didn't last past his prior sentence, as the orange-cheeked racer soon broke into a goofy smile. "And that's awesome! Seriously… good job, man!" he praised, patting the swirly-capped Swizzle on the shoulder. "How did you even convince Mom and Dad to agree to this, anyway?"A roll of my eyes was pretty much imminent the instant my ears heard Gloyd's exasperated-cum-impressed comment. Of course Swizzle had something to do with this. That daredevil of a racer had guts.It certainly explained why the whole bunch of them were gathered around in a large group in some sort of clandestine meeting.Wait a moment… I purse my lips, a hand to my chin. Since when did Gloyd or Swizzle actually have parents? We weren't programmed to have parents in Sugar Rush…Three seconds later, my eyes sparkled mischievously. Being deleted must have totally messed with my short-term memory! Geez, I can't believe that it slipped my mind — Felix and Calhoun chose to adopt all of the remaining Sugar Rush racers like a mix of caramel milk when Litwak unplugged our game.And sure enough, the moment my mind made the connection…"Oh my land…"I smirk unironically. There was only one person in the whole entire arcade who used those words as his catchphrase. I slowly let myself lie horizontally on my belly in mid-air while my hazel eyes focused on Felix (or, as he'd introduce himself, Fix-It Felix Jr.)He was shifting uncomfortably, the fixer grabbing ahold of his collar as though he was feeling faint. "How did I let our children convince us into doing something as reckless as this?" I hear him ask the tall high-definition soldier woman besides him with disdain.Ha, that was a good one! I chortled under my breath when I realized that Felix was now feeling what it was like to be in my shoes. See, managing everyone in Sugar Rush was not as easy as it looks!And now, it looked to me like Felix and Calhoun were both finding that out the hard way."It's just… gah!" To my surprise, Felix knocked his hat off with his hands, ruffling his hair in frustration. "It's just so unlike me, Tammy!"I furrowed my brow as I see the normally mild-mannered mechanic then thrust his hands down in frustration. "I'm so disappointed with myself!" he continued, fiddling with his golden hammer in his hand. "I should be a responsible role model to our children, not a nilly-willy who simply breaks the rules on a whim!""Kindly shush, Felix," Calhoun answers him, cutting off the blabbering Felix with a finger to his lip. "Remember, we are doing this for your wrecker friend and his little girl." She leans down to pick up his blue cap, replacing it atop Felix's head.Apprehensiveness fill up within me as I hear her words. Wait… did she just say that she was looking for……oh, come on! I imitate Felix's gesture from earlier, rubbing my own hair with my hands and turning it unkempt. That was why they were here!? Oh… for the love of cookie dough… why!?"Why, you're absolutely right, Tammy!" Felix declared with a firm expression, raising the hand with the hammer up into the sky as he cleared his throat and directed his voice towards the wandering Sugar Rush racers."Alright, kids! Now that your console's all fixed and running, all we have left to do is to find Ralph and Vanellope! I personally don't know why they haven't returned when the steering wheel already arrived, but they probably got lost in some virtual Tapper's or something!" Felix tried to make an excuse for our disappearance by using a humorous example, causing me to laugh sarcastically at him. "And when we do find them, we're getting them both back to Litwak's Arcade as soon as possible… together as one big, cohesive family!"Calhoun proceeded to back Felix up, using the typical firm authoritative voice that she would use to guide the player in Hero's Duty. "Remember, we are on a strict time limit here. Litwak's might be closed for a week, but if it opens in five days and they're still not back you can kiss your game goodbye." She paused for effect before pumping her fist into the air to mimic Felix's hammer pose. "Alright, everyone! Let's move out! The world's a-waiting! It's time to find your friend!""Don't forget about my friend too, honey-kins! Ralph's important too!""Shut up… I know that!"As Felix and Calhoun got into a friendly argument, I focus my attention on the racers who were observing the banter ahead of them. All fourteen of the racers had brightened up at their adoptive parents' words, lighting up just like the pre-race countdown light held up by the marshmallow referee at the starting line of the racetrack.Quite frankly, I found myself being taken aback by the vigor that was prominently shining in all of their eyes. Determination was probably running through their candy veins… no, coursing through their code.My glee at seeing my friends and fellow racers united in their resolve to solve 'the mystery of the missing Ralph and Vanellope' as one big cohesive family under the care of Felix and Calhoun was contagious. Even I couldn't help but to find myself cracking a smile despite the grim situation, a wide grin that only faltered and was wiped cleanly from my face when I recall that their goal would ironically only lead to distraught tears should they succeed in their endeavors.If they were to find out about what happened to me…Pensively, my body tensed up while looking on at them.Oh, how I fervently pray for the trail of my untimely demise to run cold. After all, the internet is such a big place! Surely they would never be able to find out about the harsh truth here in this vast wilderness?"Please excuse me, kind sir! Pardon my interruption, but would you be so kind as to spare a few seconds to help a man in need in these trying times?"I freeze up, my image stuttering slightly as my incorporeal form heavily glitched upon seeing Felix take a chance by approaching a random stranger to begin his quest.But it wasn't so random and arbitrary a choice to me. Did he really have to be so lucky as to pick Mr. Knowsmore as the very first person with that specific query on his mind? I nervously bite my lip as he approached the large search bar.No, no, no… please don't! Gah! I'm such an idiot! Never jinx a situation by asking "what's the worst that can happen?", ever!That was what I would proceed to tell myself while inhaling a sharp intake of oxygen, a gulp of fresh fear infused within that bated breath.
Author's Note:
Secrets don't last forever, Vanellope. :PThis chapter is the reason I actively chose to use first-person POV—despite it being tricky to execute well in my personal opinion—and even write this fic to begin with. I'm quite pleased with how it turned out, so I hope you liked Ralph's and Vanellope's conversation and its aftermath. It ended up being a bit fluffier than I'd thought.Yeah, Litwak's Arcade is closed for a week in this fic. If I'm not wrong, there is a not-so-obvious plot hole where there's realistically no way that Ralph and Vanellope can make it back in time if it wasn't closed — it takes inordinately long for them to raise $27,001, and yes… that makes the passage of time at least 24 hours because of the time pressure by the eBay Eboy. And yeah, Felix says he'll cover for Ralph in the movie, but I call hax on that handwave.Back on topic, it's just… I'm legitimately not used to writing this much angst and tragedy front and center. Sure I've written angst before, but never in first-person and it's starting to get to me a little. Sniff… I probably have to write a fluff piece for this fandom to compensate and restore the balance after this.Truthfully, I wasn't going to write the Sugar Rush racers in as I wanted this story to focus on Ralph and Vanellope. Then, I realized that there's no way Vanellope would be the only one panicking about Fix It Felix Jr. being unplugged when Felix is his co-partner… and that to write Felix into this story means I have to write in Calhoun and their 14 new adopted children too.So now this tale has a semi-coherent plot and is soon to feel sixteen times more heartbreaking as a result. You're welcome, I suppose.