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Chiron had quietly pulled him aside when Achilles was out hunting. Their teacher didn’t say much, perhaps to spare him the embarrassment. Handed him a basket filled with scraps of cloth and a few jars of herbs.“Chop and grind them up and mix them with water or wine, they will help to ease your pain,” he said. Patroclus’ eyes filled with tears as he hugged him tightly. Chiron didn’t startle but instead held him tighter, “Go and rest, I will call for you when dinner is ready.”“How, did you know?” he snuffled, even now it felt strange to have kindness shown to him. This was his first bleeding since his secondary sex came in. Gods, it hurt so much.“My daughters once lived here with me, I know of both the signs and discomfort. You should rest,” Chiron kindly ruffled his hair, before releasing him.“But,” he didn’t want Achilles to become suspicious of him suddenly going to sleep. After all, he had promised him to go swimming with him later.“I will deal with him, go,” Chiron again shooed him off to bed. Patroclus placed the cloths carefully inside, not wanting more blood to spread around. Last night, he was lucky Achilles was such a heavy sleeper. He struggled most of the night in pain, before getting up to see the cause.In the pale moonlight red greeted his sight. No, no not again. The sheets were lightly dotted, so he placed a cloth it over the stains until morning had come. Once Achilles left, he smuggled them out to the stream to wash. The stains came out easily, praise the Gods. He would have to keep track of this from now on. This time he had been lucky, the next not so much.Chopping the herbs as Chiron instructed him, and added the powder to a cup of water. It was so bitter, he scoured around the kitchen a bit. Aha, there it was. Grabbing the jar of honey, he added a spoonful to it. Tasting it again, it was more palatable. Another wave of cramps swept over him, and he was all too glad to cuddle up in the bed of warm furs. A treacherous thought drifted up as he fell asleep, “I can bear him a child.”How silly of him, if he was lucky Achilles would continue their friendship even after he married. A princess or some other woman would bear him many children. Never him he would be horrified if he even suggested such a thing. A few tears dripped down his cheeks, after all, he had run from him after a kiss. Thinking about that only added to his misery.Achilles slung the doe across his shoulders, uncaring of the blood that stained his tunic. Patroclus and he were going swimming together anyway, so it didn’t matter. He didn’t know why, but being around Patroclus made him feel strange. None of the other boys, that his father had fostered made him try so hard to impress them. They fell over themselves to please him, but with Patroclus, he craved his attention. His cheeks reddened, then Patroclus kissed him making him feel even more strange. He had run from him for various reasons, one his mother had seen and he knew she would disapprove. He hated to make her disappointed in him, and he was afraid of what she would do to his friend. And because he, himself was confused with what he felt for him. Did he like him like that? Achilles had never had a friend before and he wasn’t sure that he wanted to ruin that.He felt his cheeks heat up even more. When he had first come here he had been ecstatic. Patroclus had been bold enough to defy his mother and follow him here. Like he hoped he would. Achilles liked having him close, in an odd way he felt complete with him here. Learning together, fishing, hunting, swimming, sleeping together, eating wild berries. Achilles longed to kiss him again, especially with all that juice running down his chin. He fantasized about it, how he would taste again. How soft his lips looked. How plump and red they were.Achilles stopped, what was he doing. Patroclus was his friend, his best friend. He could never have him like that, he had rejected him after all. He thought Patroclus would treat him cruelly afterward, instead, he was shy around him. He hated how he had treated him, made him cry. What made him feel even worse was how Patroclus still smiled at him and wanted to be his friend. Gods, he was a monster for toying with him like that. It had taken days before they fell back into their easy comradery. Especially since they had to share a bed, but they managed.It would be a few months before they would be able to swim together, the weather had already grown chillier. Placing the doe down in the mouth of the cave, later he and Chiron would work to skin it of both meat and hide. They needed to be prepared for winter. “Patroclus,” he called at the mouth of the cave. When he received no response, wandered further inside the rose crystal cave to call for him again. Until he found Patroclus bundled in their bed, sleeping face crumpled up in pain. Brushing his hand across his forehead, huh no fever. Achilles immediately ran to get Chiron, searching the caves until he found him in the drying room. A bundle of herbs held posed in his hands.“Teacher, Patroclus is ill. I came back to ask if he wanted to swim, found him in our bed. He doesn’t have a fever but is clammy and his face is scrunched up in pain. Even as he sleeps,” he said in a rush. Chiron glanced up at him in an infuriating calm way. Now was not the time to be calm, Patroclus was sick.“Calm yourself, Pelides. I have attended him, he will be well in three days time. It is only a small illness nothing to concern yourself with. Now, run along you have chores to complete,” Chiron told him before going back to his herbs. Achilles wanted nothing more than to stomp his foot and demand that he see to him, but that was not behavior befitting a prince. Besides, he had already given him something for his illness.“Thank you, teacher,” he told him, bowing out. Chiron smiled and nodded at him. Going through the tunnels again, stopped to peek on Patroclus once more. His features had relaxed and looked so peaceful. Achilles couldn’t resist placing a small kiss to his forehead.“Sleep well, my beloved therapon,” he whispered smoothing his curls back from his face. Not once had he stirred, Gods above his cheeks were hot. He should finish his chores, then he could snuggle up to him. Hopefully, that would make him better.Patroclus blinked a few times to clear his sleep slowed brain, the cave was dark with only small illumination of light. It was late, he wondered if Achilles had a nice time swimming. His cramps were dull for the moment, but he needed to change the cloth. Going to move, he was startled when he was pulled flush against a warm chest. Achilles, he guessed.“Go back to sleep, Patroclus. You need to get better,” Achilles slurred against him. Patroclus thought he had gone swimming without him, his heart sped up. Achilles was so concerned, about him thinking him ill. He was ill, just not as he thought. It was only his first bleeding. Speaking of which he needed to get up, but it was so comfortable and warm. Patroclus let Achilles draw him back down.“Yes, there you go. I’ll protect you, always,” he muttered before soft snores drifted from him. Patroclus struggled not to go to sleep again, it was so hard not to. He felt so safe here with Achilles. Felt so loved here. It didn’t matter if he didn’t return his feelings, he would take refuge in his attentions. Something about him had drawn this golden boy to him and he would cling to this feeling as long as he could. Anything to drive away the loneliness that ate at his core. How his father’s cruelty haunted him even now.“You whore,” he wished for once that the ghost of father would be silent. It had been years since he had even seen the man. It was time to let his demons rest. He was safe here.
“He saw you for the little whore you are. You teased him and when he wanted to take you, you refused. Such a disgrace you are, spreading your legs for anyone that pays you a bit of attention. Gods above how did I end up with a harlot for an heir,” he bid himself not to flinch. Clysonymus’ attentions hadn’t been welcome or returned in the least. What had started as a fight for dice, nearly ended in his rape.

He curled into himself. His father’s beady eyes scanned over him and he scrunched up further inward.
“I had even thought of arranging a match for you with the boy’s sister. Instead of joining our families, his family calls for your death. But I have deemed exile a more suitable punishment.” Exile. He dared to glance up at his father.

His father sneered at him, “ Don’t look so surprised, you are still a prince, a worthless one. Still one nonetheless. I will not allow you to be executed for a mere commoner.” He bowed his head again. There was a fear to be among unfamiliar people and culture, but his traitorous heart leaped up with joy. He would be free of his father. Free of all of his hatred. Perhaps this new people would not be so cruel to him as his father had been.

“You will offer a sacrifice to the and be cleansed at the Temple of Zeus for your transgression of murder, tomorrow,” his father’s eyes bore into his. He had killed another boy in cold blood, but the thought of his father made his blood freeze.

“This is the only other kindness, I will show you. Prepare what little you wish to take with you. Never will you return, here again, all of your claims to my throne are dissolved. His father sneered a bit, “ If you find yourself with a child don't return here, for your baseborn children won't be welcomed here,” as if he would be so bold or foolish. Never would his children know such evil and cruelty.

“ Your exile will be on Pithia, there you will be trained to hopefully become more than the pathetic-,” his father finished by gesturing at him. Something about this was vaguely familiar, but something wasn't right.

“Pray that Achilles won't see you what you truly are,” he backed away from the throne. There was no way his father could know of this.

“ A whore, one that spreads his legs for any and every,” he shook his head he would never. He had never.

“ I’m not and I have never,” he shouted back. His father only smirked at him in response.

Patroclus woke up to warm hands shaking him. Startled he glanced up to find Achilles looming over him, hair in disarray and face concerned. When he saw him awake, brushed his curls away from his sweaty face.
“Don't cry, I'm here,” Achilles whispered. Patroclus touched at his face, oh he was crying. It was embarrassing to have cried like so in his sleep.
“ I'm fi-ne,” he sniffled. Achilles pulled him into a hug. He was so kind and warm.
“You aren't if you were you wouldn’t be crying. Did you have a nightmare?” Achilles hummed against him, expecting an answer. Patroclus smelled so soft, he couldn't help but hold him a little tighter. Rosemary if his nose was right, a current of sage.
Patroclus didn't seem to mind his greedy grip instead unconsciously cuddled closer to him. Achilles’ heart was thudding so loud in his chest, praying that he couldn't hear it. Gods, he swore if it beat any faster, it would fly from his chest.
Achilles smoothed his dark curls again, how he longed to kiss his crown but decided against it. He didn't want to confuse him, not when he was so vulnerable. Gods, he hated to see him cry and be upset. It made him uneasy, a reason that he couldn't name.
“What was it about?” he asked, tearing himself away from his lovely curls. Everything about him was lovely.
Patroclus shook his head, burrowing himself further into his arms. Achilles wouldn't push him, let him decide to tell him.
At last quiet voice came from his chest, “ It was about my father.” He frowned, of course.
Achilles had seen Patroclus’ father once, and he found nothing of Patroclus in him. Nor anything of the king in Patroclus. Patroclus seemed to radiant a warmth that the king lacked. Patroclus always seemed vibrant with his dark skin and freckles, cheeks flushed with health and vibrancy. And Gods his eyes so expressive, sometimes he thought he could get lost in those dark pools. The king on the other hand had olive tan skin, dark hair streaked with grey, and ever steely, beady eyes. The grey tint of a blade is what he would describe them as, filled with nothing but coldness. Poor Patroclus, to have grown up with such neglect. There would be none of that anymore, Achilles would make sure he felt welcomed. Always.
“ I'm here now, go to sleep. I'll protect always,” this time he sneaked a small kiss to his curls, Patroclus was so lost in thought he didn’t notice. Or maybe he had, Achilles prayed that he hadn’t.
Patroclus suddenly redrew from his arms, he had noticed and thought him weird. He had ruined everything. Drawing his arms back to his side and Patroclus drifted away from the bed to their table before he moved away. His tears gleamed in the low light of the moon.“I only need some air,” he told him, Achilles nodded his head in agreement. Praying that the moon would not betray how red his cheeks were.“I’ll be here if you need to-,” he paused,” if you wish to talk.”
Patroclus sent him a sweet smile, that made his heart flip again.
“ I will,” he promised before ducking out of their sleeping space.That had been too close for comfort. He hoped he hadn't bled on the sheets. Sneakily he had grabbed another cloth.
Changing the now soaked one, Hera that was a lot of blood. How would he ever seek to hide this from Achilles? Or explain to him every month when he took ill with cramps.
Gods, why him. Why this why now.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

White snowflakes accumulated in Patroclus’ dark hair, the cold making his cheeks rosy. His dark eyes sparkled as he marveled at the snow, how cold it was and how pure it was. Achilles watched him so innocent and free in his expression. Gods, he was so perfect. If only he could have told him how he felt about him. Achilles cursed himself near-daily for rejecting him as he did.Holding out his hand to catch a few snowflakes. It had not snowed in Pithia since he was a child. This was an even rarer sight for Patroclus who had never seen snow before. His country had been too far south to experience it.“It's so cold,” Patroclus exclaimed tugging his cloak around him further.Achilles snickered a bit, well he had a lovely idea to warm him up. Patroclus had turned away from him, heading back to the cave. Quickly, he scooped up a bit of snow into his hand and packed it until it formed a perfect round ball.Aiming it counted until he heard his shriek.“ Perfect ,” he thought.“ACHILLES,” Patroclus screamed, turning back to face him. Achilles was laughing too hard, to notice that Patroclus had scooped up his snowball. Until the icy cold of it whacked him in his face.Too shocked to even make a noise, Achilles stumbled and landed right on his butt in the cold wetness. Which sent Patroclus into a round of laughter. Gods, even his laugh was pretty.Snickering, Patroclus held his hand out for him. Achilles took it, but instead of using it to stand he pulled him down into the snow.“Ack,” was the startling noise he made, as the wetness of the snow seeped into his cloak. Achilles pressed into the snow straddling him.His heart sped up, Achilles had moved so closer to his lips. Patroclus thought for sure, he would kiss him. Instead, Achilles withdrew from him, drawing him with him. Patroclus felt a little like a rag doll the way Achilles just pulled him up like that. Oh, Gods, he felt how blood rushed to his cheeks. Hera above why did he blush so much?Achilles didn't even seem bothered by how he had been half on top of him, per usual. His green eyes sparkled so brightly, while his usually tan cheeks were pale from the lack of sunlight and lightly flushed. So vibrant even if the land around them was stilled by Demeter's hand.“Come on Patroclus we should get back, you’ll become ill again if you stay in your wet clothing too long,” Achilles held in the wrist in his grip. Not tight enough to hurt him just a light pressure.“It’s your fault, my clothes are wet,” Patroclus shot back with no heat. Not even angry with him, just a little cold. Snow while pretty was freezing and he would like to be out of it soon. “I apologize my dearest therapon,” Achilles said snuggling up to his side. Patroclus wanted to move away from him, his furs were soaked. They both needed to change because they were going to get sick.Achilles had been so close, he could have kissed him had he wanted to. Patroclus had been right there, his dark hair spread around him, both his cheeks and lips flushed from the cold. Yet again he had been a coward. There was always next time.Patroclus sneezed, and Achilles felt a little guilty. He had just recovered from an illness a few weeks ago. Sometimes he forgot that Patroclus was mortal and was vulnerable to such things. Thoughts he hated to dwell on, that one day Patroclus would be taken from him. Gods, the agony he would feel would be comparable to Orpheus' when Eurydice was taken from him.Chiron had warm mugs of something sweet when they returned, then shuttled them off to bed.Cuddled up with Patroclus beneath their blankets, Achilles’ heart had all but stopped, when Patroclus rolled into his arms. His expression was soft peaceful, so beautiful that he drew his finger lightly along his cheek. Before stopping, what was he doing? Gods, he was fucked. Complete and utterly fucked. He had sworn to himself that he wasn't going to fall in love with him. This was going to ruin everything. Their friendship, Gods. What had he done?Patroclus shuffled in his sleep, his breath right at his collar. His panic stopped for a moment. To love him, it wouldn't be a hardship. Achilles would do anything for him. Tugging the blanket closer around him, Achilles drew him closer. But... “I think I love you,” the words hung in the air around them. As Patroclus’ steady breaths continued, Achilles felt brave enough to confess to the darkness."I don’t just know how to love you. You’re so fragile at times, I’m afraid I’ll hurt you. ""I feel as if all I do is ruin things. I don't want to ruin you. Hades, I don't even think I can even tell you I love you, " Achilles finished in his mind before drifting off.The way Patroclus had come back shaking, with his eyes teary and flushed face. He knew his mother had finally come to visit him. What horrible things had she told him this time?Achilles would speak to her about that, there was no need to frighten him.“Your mother is here,” he told him setting down a basket filled to the brim with jars herbs and cloth. Patroclus caught him staring, shook his head.“Chiron knows how clumsy I can be,” he explained, putting it on a nearby shelf. Achilles sighed, throwing off the warm fur of their bed. Only his mother would have him visit her in this cold. He would have rather snuggled up with Patroclus.“It should be brief,” he told him ruffling his hair. A soft smile graced his lips.“Don’t worry, I won’t let her make you leave or allow her to harm you,” Achilles said leaning into his space, to peck his cheek. Praying that Patroclus didn’t see him flustered. Patroclus’ cheeks went red, but Achilles was already out of their room. It was innocent, he meant nothing by it. They often held hands and kissed each other on the cheeks. Something they could get away with as children, but soon that would come to an end soon.Achilles came to her flushed, so red even the tips of his ears were scarlet. She wanted to sneer, and she could only guess that Patroclus was the cause. One would only have to guess what they had been up to.Still, it pleased to see her child growing and thriving. It was not yet time, but soon.“Mother,” he greeted from a distance. At times she missed how he would eagerly run into her arms, screaming, "Mother."“My son,” she returned examining him. Oh, he was losing his baby fat. From where she stood she, he was becoming taller and shoulders broadening. His face was beginning to sharpen, a faint echo of Peleus. The way his eyes had begun to tilt in that infuriating way.He was aging, it needed to stop before he was gone from her in a blink. For even with her divine blood, he would be ravaged by time. She would be forever immortal and would never be permitted to see him in the Underworld, for her grief and pride wouldn’t allow it. Achilles in the Underworld would be the ultimate failure.Achilles approached her unsure. His arms seemed as if he wanted to reach for her, but hesitation was in his every move. This was her fault. She had rarely embraced him as a child, fearing crushing him. He had been so little, her babe. Taking pity on him, she moved on. Duties would soon require her back.“How are your studies coming, Achilles?”His eyes lit up, “Wonderful mother, Chiron taught Patroclus and I how to dry and store meats for the winter......” Achilles was part God and a prince. He should be learning how to wield a sword or spear, and learn his philosophy not labor like a commoner. She supposed she would have to put aside more duties to come visit him and supplement his training.Patroclus, him. She fought to keep disgust from her face, she wasn’t naive. Achilles and he were probably doing a multitude of unspeakable things to each other when Chiron turned his back. The months he spent here had been enough, he was to be sent home. “Achilles, you must know that Patroclus must be sent back to the palace. It isn’t proper that he remain here.”“I like having him here, mother. It would be so boring without him. I’m sure he would feel the same if he was sent back to the palace.” So distressed her son was at the thought of parting from that boy. If he continued along this path, it would only lead to his ruin.“Achilles, there will be talk. You are maturing and must think of your future. For one day you shall have to wife and son. You can’t have Patroclus with you always.”“I won’t allow you to. I want him here and he will stay here for as long as I wish it.” Thetis observed her son. It seemed he was unaware he had just infused a bit of power into his voice. She restrained from rolling her eyes at her son's childish antics.Fine, then her son could have his toy for now.In the meantime, it was time for his true training to begin.“He can stay ,” Achilles’ eyes grew hopeful, “ however you will attend training with me twice a month.” His mouth formed went to protest, but instead he nodded.“Thank you, mother,” he told her turning back to the cave, before pausing mid-stride.“Mother,” he faced her, his cheeks reddening,“ could you perhaps not frighten Patroclus so much? He has done little to draw your ire.”The little idiot had probably ran back to her son crying, her son instantly coming to his aid. She hadn’t even said much to him, no more than she did the last time. Achilles didn’t even see how far he had fallen with the cow-eyed boy, who was using him to further his own interests.“I will make no apologies to him,” she snipped. Her son sighed but said nothing further. As if she, a goddess would apologize to the boy who was spreading his legs for her son. A whore.Why else would Achilles fight for him to stay if he wasn’t having his way with him?Achilles would never understand why his mother was so hostile towards Patroclus. He had been incredibly revent of her, as deserving of a Goddess.It had only been a kiss, there was no need for her to be so hateful towards him. He would have liked him to do it again.Chiron was waiting for him at the entrance of the cave, his teacher patted his shoulder before waving into the warmth of the cave.Patroclus was anxiously straightening their bed when he poked his head in. A small bag sat on the side of it.“Patroclus, what are you doing?” he asked. He hoped he wasn’t leaving. Or thinking about leaving.His doe eyes met his sadly, “You know she will not allow me to stay.” Achilles smiled at him.“ I told her you have to. I need you here,” he said.His words had the opposite effect, nearly all the color drained from his cheeks.“You what?!”Achilles continued to smile at him innocently, unaware of what he had done. Patroclus was sure she would hate him even more now. Gods, he had sit for a moment.“Don’t worry, Chiron is talking to her as well. You’ll be able to stay,” he said snuggled next to him on the bed.Patroclus didn’t mean to jump, but Achilles’ skin was freezing.Achilles snorted from his side, before pressing himself further to steal his body heat.“Anything to eat, I’m starving,” he asked after a while, poking up from his side. Patroclus didn’t want to laugh, that was Achilles so carefree and innocent.“Dinner should be ready soon.”Patroclus had been a nervous ball of energy even after he had been told he could stay. But he understood his anxiety.To him his mother was simply mother, to others she was terrifying. His father didn’t even cross her, and he was her husband. Or however, his parents’ relationship worked.An hour passed before they saw Chiron again. Patroclus was still fidgeting with his hands.“Patroclus,” at the sound of his name, he looked up startled.Chiron smiled at him, “ You don’t have to worry, you are welcome here always.”At that all of his tension bled out. Achilles saw how his jaw loosened and how his demeanor brightened. Finally, he was cheerful again.He was a little jealous that he hadn’t been the one to bring that pretty smile back to his face.Nonetheless, he swallowed it along with his stew. Patroclus was happy again, that’s all that mattered.Their lessons with Chiron came when opportunities presented themselves. Smaller everyday things, as it was winter. They would have to wait until spring to truly get into physical things and such. Then came the day that Patroclus fell into a ravine.
Patroclus had suggested they venture out to enjoy the warming weather before they split up to study the still-frozen river. Chiron told them that if they counted the number of cracks in the ice, they would know when spring would come. Achilles hadn't noticed until it was too late that Patroclus had never met him at their agreed meeting place.
His heart had fallen into his stomach, and for hours he and Chiron had searched for him. When they finally found him, his right arm and knee were fractured, the bones nearly protruding through the skin. Never again would Achilles let him out of his sight, he silently vowed cradling him to his chest. Patroclus was too precious, all too mortal. Gods, what would have happened had they been too late?
Setting Patroclus' limbs, had him screaming in agony. Sounds that rang in his ears long, after Patroclus was fast asleep passed out from both the pain and sedative Chiron had given him.
Achilles anxious watched over him for most of the night, praying he would not have a fever, clutching his hand, praying to the Gods he would be well.
The next morning Patroclus woke up, in pain, but eyes clear from the haze of fever. Privately, Achilles sacrificed an offering to Apollo in thanks for his recovery, his mother would be furious if she ever found out.
For the next few days Patroclus hobbled around on a wooden stick that Chiron had fashioned for him. And by the first few days of spring, he should be back to running and playing alongside him. The faint scars around his arm and leg would forever serve as a reminder. Of his mortality.Thetis often came to visit and each time, Patroclus could tell when she was here. For the woods would fall even more silent. And what little grass and roots that still grew withered from where she had passed. Things of the ground did not like the sea.Her presence was even more damning as Achilles came back to him smelling of the sea. When he lay next to him, the scent of it clung to everything. Cloying and hateful, ever the reminder of what Achilles was. Of his future, for glory, and immortality.Patroclus continued his routine of asking Achilles how Thetis was but never truly cared for the answer. For it was always the same.“ She is well,” Achilles would say with a few variations. “She sends her greetings…” It was still sweet how Achilles continued to pretend as if his mother didn’t hate his very guts.Chiron could tell her visits vexed him greatly and would gently remind him that she was his mother. “But she is a Goddess first,” he thought.All Thetis wanted was for Achilles to be immortal like her. Nothing would please her more.Achilles too seemed stressed, when he came back from his visits with his mother. Angry, tense, and even in tears too many times to count.“What did she say to make you so upset?” he asked once. Achilles had been quiet for a moment, before asking him if he would like to help with the chores.Obviously, it wasn’t good if he had been so upset. Patroclus let it pass and went to help. Winter was still far from over. It seemed as if it had settled more firmly around them.Chiron had been showing him how to make a paste that wards off infections when Achilles swept in. Bringing in both the chill of the winds and a black mood. His face was a mixture of anger and tears.Patroclus rose to go to him when Chiron held his arm, subtly shaking his head. “Give him a moment, Patroclus.” He slumped back into his seat. Patroclus sighed and in boredom, stirred at the mixture over the fire.He supposed Chiron was right when Achilles got like this. Nothing he could say or do would ease his mood. It was better just to wait it out. With time Achilles would come to tell him, later in bed.Which he often did. His hopes and dreams, and his fears, there were no barriers between them. It was so open between them, he loved him for it. How he trusted him with such important things. Often Patroclus would just let Achilles talk while running his fingers through his thick curls. Making him melt further into his embrace.“I’m not sure if I even want to be a God. The thought of it, appeals and at the same time repels me. Yet my mother insists that I prepare, as it is my destiny. Never once has she asked if this is what I want. Have you ever felt that way?,” he asked glancing up at him.Patroclus had stilled for a moment. He had often felt like that as a child. His father had wished for a better, normal son. He had tried his best to please him, but it was all for nothing.“Patroclus, Patroclus,” Chiron called touching his arm. And he looked up startled.“Yes, teacher?”“You're mixture has burnt, please redo it.”Patroclus felt the flames of embarrassment lick at his cheeks. He had been so lost in his thoughts, neglecting to watch the paste.“I-I apologize,” he said ducking his head, preparing to be scolded. Instead, a comforting weight settled in his hair, ruffling it. He blinked slightly, before looking up.“Don't apologize, just try again. This time remember to watch it. I have a feeling you will be more successful this time.” Chiron gave him a warm smile. Patroclus returned it, abet smaller. This time he would be more focused.Achilles paced at the narrow length of their room trying not to scream. His mother was just so -so infuriating. She never came to see him when it mattered, oh no only when she wanted him to do something. To see if his skill with weapons had improved, even then it wasn’t good enough for her. There were always fucking corrections. Nothing was ever good enough for her. He would never be fucking good enough for her. God or not.Achilles laughed a little to himself, swearing wasn’t very prince-like, but by all the Gods who gave a damn. She could go to Hades and stay there. He would be happy if he never saw her again. She had never been a mother to him.He envied Patroclus, even if his mother had been simple. She had hummed melodies to him, tried to show him in her own way, that she loved him. Melodies that Patroclus often hummed to him.His own mother was as cold and merciless as the sea, never once had he felt as if he had an ounce of her love or affection. For the Gods’ sakes, she had abandoned him the day he was born. Jumping into the sea entrusting his care to nursemaids, Phoinix and his father. His father was to blame that was true, but he had been innocent in all of this. Haven’t asked to be born. Couldn’t she have come back for him, forgiven him? Taken him with her. Instead of leaving him to cry for her. All those years, he had waited for her. All those days, he cried for her. She had never come.Achilles touched at his cheek, marveling at the wetness on his fingers. It had been years since he had last cried.
The day his mother had led him back to the beach after the most wonderful day they had spent together. He clung to her begging her not to leave him, to take him with her. She refused. To placate him told him they could play. It had been cruel of her to get his hopes up.
Twirling and twisting around him, his mother made the water dance. In all types of shapes. A bear, a fox, finishing off her show by encasing him in a bubble letting him look at the life in the sea. A myriad of color met his eyes when he saw all the animals of the sea.
His mother smiled softly at his curiosity and joy. For once she seemed glad to see him, to be with him.
Achilles had wished for the day to never end, but it had. He was to be returned to the land to his father. Not that he didn’t love his father, he just missed her terribly.
“Mother, I love you,” he told her earnestly with all his heart. Just this once his mother might stay. Stay with him. Play with him, then he won’t be so lonely. It was lonely not to have a mother. All the other children had mothers. Why not him, wasn’t he special? A demigod.
“And I, you my son,” with one last kiss to his forehead she sent him off. Back to his father, back to being lonely. At least until he had come.

Achilles joined them later, to start on his mixture. His face was lightly flushed, eyes rimmed in red. Patroclus moved to sit next to him, Achilles shot him a grateful smile. And like a snap, his mood was light once more, and the goofing off resumed. By Patroclus’ blush and soft giggles, another bawdy joke.Chiron shook his head to himself, young love. Even if they didn’t realize it yet. Their presence here made his heart light, eased the pain from his wound. His students were so bright and kind, he grieved for what they would face when they left his sanctuary. How cruel the world could be to them. This time both of their mixtures were perfect.“Very good,” the gleam in their eyes brightened even more.“That is enough for today, now off to bed with you,” he chided.“Wait, we have to clean up,” Patroclus exclaimed. Achilles glanced at him curiously, the message in his eyes all too clear. “Let’s go. Chiron said we can go don’t argue with him.”He shook his head,” You both have done enough now off to bed with you.”This time they went with no argument. Let them play and be happy. For soon it would come to an end. They were to be men soon.Achilles slept wrapped up around him, like a bear around its cub. To the point, he couldn’t breathe, feeling their skin stick together with sweat. It seemed as Achilles was having a nightmare, the way he cried in his sleep.“Ssh, Achilles,” he cooed, raking his hand through his thick curls, even humming to him. What horrible things had he been dreaming of? Better yet what poison had his mother whispered in his ear.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Spring finally came, and with it, they shed their fur cloaks. Their bodies had changed and lengthened without their notice.Unbeknownst to them a new game began between them. A game of sneaking glances when the other wasn’t looking. Achilles felt his gentle gaze even when Patroclus wasn’t aware. A gaze he returned with longing.Gods, he felt so clumsy and flustered around him. Even stupid, his mother would scold him if she saw him behaving like so. Like a mortal. He just couldn't help it, Patroclus made him wish he was normal. That he wouldn't have such an unfair advantage over him. That Achilles wouldn’t bruise him so much when they wrestled or sparred.Patroclus sent him a soft smile across the way from his place at Chiron’ side. Chiron was showing them both how to identify snakes. It was unusual to call another boy, beautiful.But by all the Gods, he was. Patroclus’ chocolate curls were always unruly, his dark eyes danced when the light hit them just right. His full lips were near the color of blood, often matching his cheeks. Stars like freckles covered every part of him, even more, appeared when he had been in Apollo’s rays too long. Achilles was so in love with him, he could barely think.Not just for his lovely appearance, but his fiery nature. Something they both had in common, but Patroclus was much more subtle in his. Something he had noticed from his “first” interaction with him.Most of his foster brothers had come boastful and proud. Patroclus had been the opposite, he barely spoke or glanced in his direction. That had intrigued him. When he had first been introduced to him, he had been lounging about playing with his new lyre. As he would later find out had been Patroclus’ mother’s. It was a wonder they were friends at all.Because of that Patroclus had spent much of their first meeting glaring at him, refusing to speak his name. Achilles had to all but drag it from him. Achilles had never had someone glare at him and eyes that spoke of hatred, it was intriguing. Only later had he recognized him as the little prince with the sad eyes. The boy wanted to make smile. Always to make him smile.Achilles had heard of his father’s arm master’s plans to have him whipped, he sought him out first hoping to speak sense into him. Somehow, he found himself bringing him to his music lessons, and the rest was history.Chiron’s teachings complete for the day, he went to invite Achilles for a swim. Poor Achilles looked so red and flustered. Was the heat making him warm? Either way, the refreshing water from the river would perk him up immediately.“Achilles,” he called, tumbling down next to him a rush. “The weather is warm enough, we can swim.” Achilles appeared startled.“Um- of course, Patroclus,” he stuttered out. Patroclus never noticed how he had stumbled over his words just smiled at him brightly.“Race you there,” he called springing to his feet.Achilles jumped to his feet to catch up to him.Chiron shook his head they were so innocent with their shared affections. Soon their innocent glances and blushes would turn to something of a more passionate nature. Feelings they didn’t know what to do with.Patroclus eagerly stripped of his tunic before jumping in the cool river. No longer did he hesitate in stripping down around him, unlike when he had first come.Gods, it made him hungry for something he couldn’t even name. Just once he would like to sink his teeth into him and taste him. Make him, his. He rather liked the sound of that.No, no, no. Patroclus was a person, not something to be owned. His therapon, best friend and brother.Breaking out of his thoughts he realized, Patroclus was calling for him.“Aren’t you coming in, Achilles,” he called. So innocent to his hungry and quite disturbing thoughts.Achilles pulled his own tunic over his head, and Patroclus turned his head, a faint blush spreading across his cheeks. Hope rose in his chest, did Patroclus like him still? Even after he had been so cruel to him. Achilles dived in, instantly the water soothed him, water always made him calm. Perhaps because he and his mother were of the sea.Finally resurfacing he found Patroclus staring at him curiously.“Achilles, are you alright?” he asked swimming closer to him.“Huh, why wouldn’t I be.”“You were down there for some time.” The way he phrased it didn’t make him feel odd or strange. Just concern, he was so kind.Patroclus shook his head, his sopping wet curls flopped into his rosy cheeks.“Nevermind, let’s just enjoy the day,” he laughed.Patroclus loved the little quirks of Achilles', he came to discover in their time here. They served to make him more human, more Achilles. As if he was not some God but his best friend. Who told the filthiest jokes, had the most adorable laugh that was like the chime of bells. His sometimes awful snoring, but found that when he slept on his side it was quieter. Even then he thought him cute.The cute splattering of freckles across his nose. It had been an accident the way he discovered them, Chiron had let them out of their literature lesson early. Walking along the path, Achilles nudged him, then they were outright wrestling right in the path of dirt.Somehow he had winded up on top, looking down at him. Eyes as green as the forest met his, for a moment neither of them breathed.A strange compulsion made him lean in closer, blood rushing to his face in a flood. They were so close, he felt his heartbeat. He was so close.“He going to do it, finally,” Achilles thought. Patroclus leaned closer, his red lips parting. Achilles half fluttered his eyes closed.“You have freckles,” he blurted out instead.Achilles blinked at him, a red filling his cheeks, “ I do?”“Yes, you do,” he giggled bringing a finger to trace them, “ right here across your nose.”Just for that Achilles flipped him.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Patroclus looked up at him like a startled doe. And Achilles wasn’t going to lie, but he loved this look on him. Bracing himself up on his forearms, Achilles just let himself hover enjoying the way his pulse sped up and watched his cheeks reddened. How he longed to steal a kiss. He couldn’t, it wasn’t right. However he didn’t have time to contemplate that because Patroclus found the strength to flip them, and somehow his hand came to rest at his thigh.The warmth of him left him the one startled now, and how dangerous close his hand was to going up his tunic. How simple it would be to just move his hand up and pull him down for a kiss. Having him sprawled over his lap losing themselves in passion. Achilles would kiss him until his lips were swollen.The moment for it passed when Patroclus wrestled him to the ground and like that tension bled out.As if there was something of a dance between them like they were trying not to cross a line. The line could never be redrawn and redone. It was like Pandora’s box if they opened it. There would be no going back. So they played along with it, and every day the line grew a little bit thinner.Now that the weather had warmed up Chiron had asked them what else they would like to learn.Achilles had said fighting then both of their eyes had been drawn to the sharp instruments on the wall for “surgery”.“And the skill of surgery,” they said in unison. Chiron smiled at them fondly. However, in his eyes, there was something Patroclus couldn’t decipher.“Fighting then surgery,” he nodded.“Today, we rest. Tomorrow, we fight.”True to his word, Chiron began their training with drills, preparing them for their true practice.A variety of weapons were placed before them, Chiron told them to pick. Achilles naturally gravitated to all things swords and spear. Patroclus found his hand resting at a well-carved bow. He picked it up to test the balance of it, it had been so long since he had last picked up one.Chiron nodded approvingly at them both.“You will both learn, all of them.”“Stop,” Chiron called circling them. Just a few minutes with Achilles and he was dead tired. Ready to collapse on his feet. Patroclus tried to keep his breathing steady and get his heart rate under control. He needed some water, but to do so now would cause delay.“Achilles you’re fast and your hits land every time but you’re leaving openings. Openings that your opponent could very well use against you.”Achilles nodded taking his corrections and adjusting his stance accordingly. Patroclus wearily raised his sword again. This time he wouldn’t have the advantage of Achilles’ wide openings, but that wouldn’t matter on a battlefield. Only the strongest and fastest hits won battles and ended lives. That Achilles had in spades. He would be the greatest warrior in Greece.Which is why he couldn’t help his grin. Achilles grinned back at him through their crossed blades.“Patroclus, loosen your grip a bit. And straighten your back a tad. It will help keep your balance and not give your enemy a chance to catch you off guard and get you away from your weapon” Patroclus did as he asked, “There.”“Now,” Chiron said at last.
Achilles smirked at him, but before their blades could cross again.“A small break.” Patroclus could have collapsed in relief.Dropping his sword into the grass, he made his way over to his waterskin all but devouring its contents in deep greedy gulps.Achilles was still talking with Chiron. Vaguely he wondered about. Oh well.Seeing Patroclus down his waterskin, Achilles felt vaguely embarrassed that he hadn’t thought to take a break.Chiron too seemed to be appraising Patroclus.“He has the potential to be your equal but he will never quite reach your skills.” Achilles glanced at him from the corner of his eye, just in that short while Patroclus’ skin was drenched in sweat.He was trying but it would never be enough, he was already so much faster. Achilles motioned for him to sit and he did nearly collapsing.“Achilles you must remember yourself with him, although he appears that he can take it. Patroclus is only mortal after all. He will never be as fast or as strong, but he has heart and courage. This you must not abuse. For he is devoted to you without restraint.Achilles wanted to lash out at him, how could he ever forget this. It was a near-daily reminder for him when Patroclus sneezed when he tripped and cut his knee, or that awful day when he fell. Days with Patroclus brought him both pleasure and pain because in an instance it could all be taken from him.Quite frankly Achilles was appalled that Chiron would think, he would abuse his strength and privilege over him.“I would never. He is my-,” my everything, my heart. Achilles felt blood rushing to his cheeks. Gods, he could never say that to his teacher. Only to Patroclus.“He is dear to me. I would never mistreat or be cruel to him. I would never harm him.” Chiron eyed him a moment longer, before nodding. Achilles felt as if he had just passed a test of some sorts.“Very well, then.”
“Do you wish to continue training with him?” Achilles bit at his lip.“Did he?,” glancing at Patroclus looking so thoroughly spent, but his face shined with pride “Was this his decision to make?”“Patroclus has the final say. If he wishes to, then I will.”Chiron nodded, “ You know I have nothing more to teach you, but for a few corrections. But surely you know this already.”Achilles returned it. “I know this.”“You’re to be the greatest warrior Greece has ever seen, but…” Chiron paused for a moment as if considering his next words carefully. Their master was always so reserved with his words.“Because of this men will hear of your skill and call upon you to fight in their wars. How will you answer them?” He had never thought of this before, he had simply always known he was the best. The best that there ever was. Aristo Achaion.“I-”
“Ready?” Patroclus shouted walking back to them. Achilles grinned.“Ready.” He could always think of such things later, there was still time. According to his mother, this choice would come as he was older. For now, he wanted to spend his days with Patroclus. Being happy and growing into adulthood together.Achilles had seemed somewhat melancholy, his mother had promised to visit him. However, she had failed to show, Achilles had waited for her until it was nearly dawn. Before coming to lay with him then after a few hours got up again to wait for her.Patroclus wasn’t sure how he could make him feel better, Achilles looked so out of sorts. So young with his knees pushed up to his chin. That was silly as he had already turned fifteen this morning. He, himself would turn fifteen right as summer ended. What could he do to perk him up.
Aha!

“Achilles, would you like to go swimming today?” They both loved swimming in the river, the water was so refreshing and cool.Achilles appeared to consider it, but sighed, “I can’t.”“She’ll be angry if I miss our meeting.” Patroclus felt a mixture of sadness and anger for Achilles, how could Thetis do this to her son. It was cruel, to get his hopes up only to... and if this how she did him on his birthday. He could only imagine how long Achilles had waited for his mother as a child only for her never to show up?“What had Achilles looked like as a child. Younger than the race in Opus?” he thought.“Probably, just as beautiful as he is now,” his imagination taunted, “but you will never have one of his children to find out. They would probably take after your unfortunate looks. Plain, boring. Awkward. Freckled and tall with hair that never behaves. Why on Earth would he ever mix his beauty with you?”“That is what a son should look like.” That voice. Gods, why hadn’t his father’s presence ever lost its edge. He was tired of it. Tired of its hatefulness.No, enough of that Achilles needed him.Patroclus’ cheeks flushed for a moment then paled just as quickly. Had he hurt his feelings?That was it, He would wait for her no longer. His mother had made it obvious she cared little for his birthday. Achilles had waited for her since yesterday and this morning only for nothing. He should have known better, his mother never came on this day. She hated this day. To the Gods, they had such short lives that nothing mattered. Mortals didn’t matter. He didn’t matter. For as long as he aged and grew, his mother would come to despise him as he would age and die. Slowly, but he would one day die. Demigod or not.A fact that his birthday amplified. It was why she never acknowledged the day or brought him a gift. None of that mattered all he wanted was to see her, just once. Could she show him that she loved him? Instead of making him feel so unwanted, unloved. Sometimes he wished he could have stayed small in her arms when it felt like she adored him.“Achilles,” Patroclus cooed to him softly, “don’t cry. I’m here. It’s alright, I’m here.” His skinny arms wrapped around him enveloping him almost like a mother. Achilles didn’t fight it, but let him, breathing in the scent of their soap, sage, and rosemary. A scent that had become home. His home. His Patroclus. Achilles sighed against him, breathing in his scent once more.“Patroclus, can we still go swimming?” he said pulling away. Patroclus tilted his head, making his dark eyes look even more innocent. Before giving him such a beautiful and warm smile. Gods, his heart thumped at it.“Let’s go !” he said, bouncing up at once. Holding his hand out for him, Achilles took it.Patroclus had said nothing of his red eyes or even how he had clung to him like a child instead splashed at him.By sunset, they were exhausted from swimming. Patroclus brought over a basket filled to the brim with ripe blackberries, that they ate until Patroclus had gotten the bright idea to smear blackberries all over his face.Rolling away from him snickering.“Patroclus !!” he all but screamed trying and failing to get him back.“I think it suits you,” he called laughing. When Achilles got his hands on him, he was done for.Patroclus laughed to himself from his hiding spot.“I’m happy that I was able to make him smile again.” Never again did he want to see Achilles like that, so desolate and heartbroken.“Catch me if you can,” Patroclus taunted him as he darted to another tree. It would be a few more moments before Achilles found him and smeared him with berries. If it made him smile then it was worth it.“Aah,” he squeaked when Achilles’arms wrapped around him from behind.“Caught you,” Achilles whispered. Patroclus fought to free himself but in the end, he lost.Patroclus sighed as Achilles slugged him over his shoulder like a prized kill. His face heated or like a stolen woman. Gods, now he wanted to be put down, or else he was going to die from the blood rushing to his face.“Aren’t I heavy?” he asked, maybe he would get tired of carrying him.“Nope,” Achilles cheerfully stated. Bringing them closer to their little basket by the riverbank.“Would you put me down if I asked?” he asked again.“Maybe.”
“Would you-”
“Nope.” Seriously.“Achilles Pelides, put me down.” Achilles laughed and the movement shook him too. Gods, his laugh was so adorable like the chime of bells. Sigh. Patroclus for a moment stopped his struggle to get down.“First time you ever called me by my full name,” Achilles mused when he finally stopped, "but you forgot..."He spun them for a little bit, oh Gods. Patroclus clung to whatever part of him he could.“Prince Achilles put me down,” he shouted, wriggling against him, which only made him squeeze a little tighter.“Nope,” he said drawing out the “p”, oh fine then. Patroclus hated to do this, but he left him with no choice.“Pat-” Achilles started, but it was much too late.“Patr-o-clus st-op,” Achilles gasped in between laughs. While his grip was loosened he trying to make his escape. Still, he refused to let go, in the end, it ends him and Achilles both on the ground.Leaving him straddled across him, once again they just stared at each other. Patroclus reached down to brush a curl from Achilles’ red face. One could have hardly guessed he was so ticklish.His fingers trailed until they rested at his stomach, he was still rather soft. They both were, but that would change soon.Green eyes widened, “Patroclus, don’t please.”Patroclus withdrew his hands, gigging, “I won’t.”Achilles relaxed and he withdrew from him, to curl up at his side. It had been such a long day, but fun.Patroclus was all but drifting off when he heard Achilles whisper something, “Thanks for today.”He rolled over to grin at him, “You’re my best friend, I would do anything for you.”Achilles smiled at him, and at that perfect moment, the dying rays caught his golden hair casting it into a red hue. Patroclus blinked for a few moments, but no it still had some hints of red.“Me too,” Achilles breathed in the space between them. Seeming as if he wanted to say more. Patroclus wanted to say more too but bit his tongue.An “I love you,” hung unspoken between them.Both of them got up early this morning, yesterday had been a break. Today, back to lessons and training. And retrieving Achilles from his various hiding places. They were so like-minded at times, it was frightening.Patroclus plopped down next to Achilles napping in the shade of the tree, it was almost a shame he had to wake him. Well, he didn’t have to do it right at that second, Patroclus leaned over to admire his golden lashes and his Sun-kissed skin. Patroclus resisted the urge to sigh.His crush on Achilles had not gone away as he had hoped, instead, it grew a little day by day.Everything about him made him blush. The way he smiled, the way he laughed. How the sun hits him just right, illuminating his whole face. Making Patroclus’ breath catch. His gorgeous green eyes, that were as vibrant as the woods around them. How they tilted up in a cat-like shape when he was joking and generally up to no good. His mischievous and playful nature. Everything about him made him all the more lovesick. Gods, when would his torment ever end.Achilles looked so peaceful, he hated so much to wake him. Just a minute longer, then he would do it. They were just working with bows today, let him rest a bit. Achilles was already a one-man army. He didn’t need the extra training, he did it so Patroclus wouldn’t be lonely. His prince was so sweet. Patroclus felt heat rise in his cheeks again, oh Gods.
His prince?

Thunk
Patroclus stared at the target in awe for a moment, never expecting to hit bullseye.Chiron looked on approvingly, and Achilles grinned at him. Patroclus flushed a little from their attentions, in just a short while his aim had improved.“Bet, I could split it.” Patroclus hummed a bit, he could very well if he wanted to.Achilles took aim and while it didn’t split his, it still had landed in the general vicinity of the tree. He and Chiron exchanged a glance. “ Did he just miss?,” their eyes questioned. Achilles’ face was flushed, he didn’t know if it was from the heat or his embarrassment.“Try again, Achilles, this time loosen your grip as you release it,” Chiron said softly correcting his stance.He nodded and with more patience Achilles aimed again. This time it landed true. Still nowhere near his own and not even splitting it, but closer. It hit the tree this time.Achilles growled in frustration. “Dammit,” he swore, hand bending his bow a little. Achilles had the skill but none of the patience. It wasn’t like a javelin. Wait a moment.“Achilles, try a spear instead,” Patroclus offered gesturing to neat stack at his ankle. Achilles shrugged but went with his suggestion and picked one up.It hit the target with all the subtlety of a herd of cattle, but it had split his arrow and the tree in half.So, Patroclus chalked up the first two attempts to Achilles’ patience, not his aim.Chiron peered at the wreckage and tried not to sigh, well at least they had firewood for the winter. Achilles Pelides was truly destined to be great just not by destroying his forest. Achilles stared at his target and looked to him for approval. Patroclus smiled at him.“Third time’s the charm,” he teased lightly.“How about we practice on moving targets next?” Patroclus asked pulling his quiver onto his back. Achilles smirked at him.“You’re on.”Chiron just sighed, his pupils would have many different types of meat ready to be dried for the winter. It was so thoughtful of them to prepare ahead. Or not.“Teacher, watch out!” Chiron ducked out of the way at just the right moment. A wayward arrow found itself embedded in the tree behind him.A “sorry Master Chiron,” echoed from somewhere, he couldn’t decipher where it was coming from, but he had an idea. Chiron shook his head, it was time he left them to their games. For the sanctity of his health.Patroclus cheekily smirked at him, holding up that his bundle of hares. Achilles peeked at his single capture behind him. Of a deer. Patroclus ahed at it, " Beautiful." Achilles felt himself smile at his praise. And perhaps he preened a bit. "While I'm not the best shot, I'm the best tracker." Patroclus snickered a little."You're a good shot, you just need patience, Achilles," he said, pointing to his deer, "That is proof of your shot.""One could say the same for you. So many in such a short time," he said gesturing to his hares.Patroclus shrugged, " It was lucky.""Hares are so quick it's more luck than that you caught so many. I would say you are blessed or favored by Artemis. "Patroclus' cheeks reddened a bit, "It was nothing." Achilles loved watching him blush. Even at something small like a complement."It wasn't nothing. I promise that was amazing." He turned a little redder. Gods, he was so innocent, so sweet. If only he hadn’t been such a coward, Patroclus would know."Are you ready to head back, yet?" Patroclus called to him breaking him out of his thoughts."Yeah, we can. Maybe after skinning this, we can go swimming."Patroclus nodded.Summer had come and with it, his feelings for Patroclus had only grown stronger. Until he could no longer control his actions. His tongue failed him at the most important times. Patroclus never seemed to mind, smiling and going off on their adventures. How he wished they could last forever. That he could preserve this perfect summer, so it would always be in his mind." Achilles," he called. How he loved the way he said his name. It was never in awe but as an equal. And that in itself made him feel warm."Achilles, let's go. I saw a hare this way. Come on. We're going to lose it."A ray of Apollo's hit him just right. Forming a halo around his curls. In the greenery of the clearing, he looked divine. Holy. Sacred. Gods his breath caught. Oh Gods."Achilles," he laughs, “come on or I'm going to catch it"Achilles watched him for a moment, before following after him. "I like him ," Achilles thought.
"No, I love this boy. I think I always have. And I think I always will."
Patroclus sighed and Achilles peeked at him. Wondering what he was thinking about. Maybe it’s the math, Chiron had them doing. He made another face at his scroll. So boring. He would much rather be outside, actually, he had an idea.“Pssh, Patroclus,” he whispered. Patroclus was too engrossed in his work, his tongue peeking out from lips. Working to finish his set.Gods, that was cute. Achilles tried again by throwing his stylus at him and this time Patroclus gave him his full attention. He had to refrain from grinning, he just loved having his eyes on him.“What?” he muttered annoyed. The stylus had gotten stuck in his hair.Oops.“Let’s go outside, I’m bored.”Patroclus glanced around briefly looking for Chiron before sighing.“Alright just a quick break, but we come right back. Okay?”This time he really did grin, “Come on.”Patroclus took his hand. Gods, Achilles couldn’t stop the joy that rushed through him.What should have been a short break turned into an afternoon of frockling off in the woods. At first, he was anxious, but the more time they spent together the more he forgot about their work and Chiron.Patroclus would admit it was nice to be doing this instead of lessons. Eating honey and berries, just soaking up the Sun. He frowned at the thought of more freckles appearing.“Oh,” he muttered when some of the honey dripped from the comb onto his neck. Achilles watched the amber liquid flood from his chin down his neck, until he just couldn’t stand it anymore.What in Hades was possessing him to lean over and run his tongue on his neck? Patroclus shivered but hadn’t moved, obediently sitting through him licking him.Awareness came back to him, and he tried to find the words to apologize. They died in his throat when he saw Patroclus. How his freckles stood out in full force against his dark blush.Gods, he was lovely. Never before had he wanted to kiss him more than at this moment? Achilles could never apologize for doing that because he didn’t regret it. Slightly they had moved closer, each breath drawing them ever closer. Patroclus leaned slightly and closed his eyes.“Achilles, Patroclus,” Chiron’s call broke them apart quickly. Patroclus' face was still close, but then he drew back. No, no.Curse all the Gods. He had been so close, they had been so close.Surprisingly they hadn’t gotten in much trouble, instead, Chiron had given them more problems.“Oh, Gods,” Achilles moaned across from him. Patroclus hid a smile, he had thought he had escaped only to have more added to it.Miserably Achilles cast pleading eyes towards him, he shook his head. Achilles had gotten him in enough trouble.“Patroclus, please.”
“No.” Achilles pouted again. Mean.
Achilles could do them if he only took his time. Patroclus had the uttermost faith in him, he just was for a lack of better words lazy.“Please,” Achilles uttered looking all the more pitiful. He had to bite his lips as not to laugh, poor thing.“No, Achilles, if I do it for you. You learn nothing,” he said, but rising to sit next to him, “but I’ll help you to understand it.” Achilles counted that as a win.Patroclus minorly regretted his decision when he felt how their thighs pressed against each other. He flushed instantly as this afternoon’s event wasn’t completely forgotten. Achilles saw how he blushed, good he hadn’t forgotten.They worked in a comfortable silence until it became clear Achilles’ attention had shifted, what he lacked was patience. He hated to sit still, in one place. Preferring to run as he pleased, his wild and restless prince.“Achilles, are you paying attention?”“Uh-huh.” That got him a very frustrated huff.He was just not to the lesson, his eyes trailed Patroclus’ wrists instead, how slim and dainty they were. Watching the way his hand moved across the paper.“You’re so lovely,” Achilles thought, “so lovely.” Nearly sighing at the thought.
That same tension still hung between them, both of them tried to ignore it in favor of preserving their friendship. Trying to ease it with jokes, general mischief, and roughhousing. It was becoming harder and harder not to just admit what they both felt. Their anatomy lessons are what added fuel to the fire. Chiron had them using each other as practice in memorizing the ins and out of the human body. As their first step to preparing for learning the art of healing.Achilles didn’t seem bothered when his fingers mapped out muscles or parts that they needed to study. Laughing slightly when his fingers passed his ticklish middle. Besides that, his face gave nothing away, while Patroclus’ own was on fire. It was about three thousand times worse when it was Achilles’ turn, he could hardly hold still.“Patroclus, hold still, I’m almost done,” Achilles teased when he kept moving away from him.To the point, he had all but pulled him into his lap.Patroclus was still so shy in some ways around him. Judging by his pretty blushes and smiles, so innocent. Innocence he thought to ruin, Achilles wasn’t naive as to how things could grow between them. How things worked between men, between lovers. Their lessons were proof of that. How it seemed as if it gave them the perfect opportunity to be a little more honest with their inner thoughts. Achilles could have spent days, no years committing every part of Patroclus to memory.The way his dark lashes rimmed his brown eyes making him even more innocent, his stunning cheekbones that were splattered with freckles like the stars, red lips that had the most perfect kissable shape. The siren’s call of temptation, to kiss him until they were even redder and swollen, leaving him breathless. Achilles lightly changed his focus from Patroclus’ face to his long, lithe neck, Gods. The marks he wanted to leave here.Trailing down his shoulders, made his way down his arms, memorizing the way the muscles tensed under his fingertips, and all the little marks he found on the way. Until his hands came to rest at Patroclus’ slim and dainty wrists that he studied for tendons and muscles. The perfect way they led into his palm, to his long and elegant fingers. Achilles often thought Patroclus would make a lovely lyre player, his fingers were the perfect shape for plucking the strings. He loved watching them curl around his stylus or working with herbs. Patroclus made everything looks so simple, in his gentle way“I’m almost done, hold still a moment longer,” Achilles whispered almost reverently. He was greedy, Gods he knew that but he couldn’t help it. Patroclus simply sighed letting him continue.Their anatomy lessons were getting too intimate, making things so exposed and heated between them. Leaving him so embarrassed, Patroclus thought he was going to die. Achilles on the other hand hadn’t taken it seriously, as usual, instead sending him silly faces and rude gestures when Chiron turned his back. Patroclus had to stifle his giggles as coughs. Stil it had been traumatic, for him anyway. Hera, and he could imagine his private one for carriers would be worse, much worse. Patroclus wanted to cover his ears and not think about all of the extra things, he would have to deal with in addition to going through puberty. Everything already felt so weird, his emotions were weird, his body was strange and foreign. Nothing felt right. How tall and gangly his limbs had become, the awkwardness came with them, how ... his menses left him a mess, both physically and emotionally. Snapping at Achilles for the smallest and stupidest things. Achilles always apologized first, even if he hadn’t been the one at fault.He felt awful just thinking about how nasty he could be towards him, but couldn’t bring himself to tell him the reason. Why he was always getting sick one week out of the month. Why he declined running or wrestling with him on certain days. All because he was afraid of him seeing the blood. Maybe one day, but not now.As his feelings for him were strong, and grew every day. He loves him, had fallen for him the very day Achilles claimed him as his therapon. Patroclus knew that he would always be his. Would love him and serve him until the end of his days. Even if Achilles never return those feelings.Which is why he all but ran away from him after lessons.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Their afternoon lessons had left him incredibly shaken and aroused to the point that if Achilles had continued, the broad strokes of his callous fingers tracing his skin had been more than he could bear. Patroclus let his fingers trail downwards, resting just at the junction of his thighs. “Ha,” he panted, wrapping a hand around himself. He wanted to hate himself for what he was doing, but this wasn’t the first time he had done this thinking about him.Achilles was honestly becoming an even worse tease. It was if he did these things intentionally. Licking honey off his neck, letting his touches linger, resting his face in the crux of his neck, nipping at him mockingly. Gods, sleeping with him was all that was on his mind lately. And being on his bleeding wasn’t helping, if anything it only made things worse. Making him want and imagine things that he shouldn’t. Taking today, for example, Patroclus’ heart had been moments from bursting from his chest. Achilles seemed to enjoy making him squirm, teasing him into sitting still. When all he wanted was for Achilles to take him right there on his desk, and he couldn’t describe it but could have sworn to have seen a dark look pass Achilles’ eyes. Almost as if the same thought passed his mind. Gods.Patroclus groaned a little feeling heat build in his pelvis, he was close. So close. He thought they had silently agreed to not acknowledge what was happening between them, it was only hormones. Their foster brothers had found release with those poor serving girls around the palace here it was only the two of them. So it was to be expected that they were beginning to show misguided affection towards each other, but Achilles had made it clear that he wasn't interested in him like that. In ruining their friendship. Finished Patroclus slid his hand through the grass as if it would cleanse him of his guilt.What should have felt amazing left him racked with guilt and feeling gross. Well, grosser than blood streaming down his legs. Laying there a moment, just enjoying the blue sky above him. Before he wrinkled his nose, oh gross. He hated the feeling of it drying, it was just unpleasant.The water was blissful, washing away all of the day’s grime and his guilt. Patroclus simply floated letting the current take him where it wished. He was in no danger as he was a strong swimmer, and when he grew tired of that, he made his way back to the bank where his clothes waited. He should wash and dry them while he was here, it would save him work later. Achilles had gone to see his mother, Chiron was drying herbs. He could let himself and his clothes dry in the sun. Which he did.Patroclus cringed a little as his cramps had decided to make themselves known again. Curling inwards, Gods, it hurt.Achilles was tired after his lesson with his mother. His head hurt, and all he wanted was to lie down. Which he almost did before realized that he hadn’t seen Patroclus since afternoon lessons. In a flash, he shot up to search for him. Chiron hadn’t seen him since lessons then it was nearly sunset and their teacher forbid them from staying out too late. Not that the woods frightened him, it was just dangerous for Patroclus as he had been hurt before. Achilles sighed again, so far he had checked the meadows, nothing. Patroclus’ favorite clearing, their cliff, still nothing. Then stopped, wait for the river. Panic thrummed through him, what if he had gotten caught in a current?Oh Zeus, it had been hours since he had last seen him. Any terrible thing could have happened to him.Achilles ran all the way there only to relax, seeing Patroclus asleep in the grass. Before his face reddened, he had fallen asleep completely bare. Leaving his body exposed, and as far as he could see Patroclus had gained a few more freckles from sleeping in the sun. They had seen each other undressed before, but things were different now. His feelings for him no longer felt platonic. And… if he.. if they crossed that line, they could never go back to what they were. Patroclus shifted in his sleep, Achilles’ eyes trailed slightly, before remembering himself. Shaking himself for that thought, knelt to wake him up.“Patroclus, wake up,” he whispered shaking him again lightly, and soon Patroclus’ soft brown eyes sleepily met his. “Achilles?” he asked yawning stretching his limbs. Achilles had to slightly turn his head.“Yeah?” Patroclus stood stretching again, this time-bending at his waist. For the Gods’ sakes.“I didn’t expect to see you until later.” Patroclus yawned again, this time his arms reached to pull on his tunic. Praise the Gods, finally. His heart couldn’t take it anymore. “It’s later, almost sunset.” “Oh,” Patroclus bit his lip, “ I didn’t realize. Nevermind then.”“Lazy, you slept most of the afternoon,” he teased. Patroclus pouted at him.“I didn’t intend to, it just happened.”Achilles snickered. “ I know you didn’t.” Patroclus hadn’t noticed that he had left behind something… in plain sight no less.Pale fingers held the cloth up to the light in interest. Dark eyes narrowed. That wouldn’t do, not at all. Of all the things, she had never expected this. Patroclus was a carrier, capable of bearing her son a child. Though judging from the cloth, he was bleeding so nothing had come from their little affair.

Yet.

And she planned to keep it that way. Achilles could have Patroclus for now, but the moment his belly showed any hint of a child. That whore was to be done away with. She had sacrificed too much for Achilles to throw it all away. He was going to be a God, they had promised her as much. Whether it was what Achilles wanted, that was his fate. If she was going to lose him she rather they remember him for it. He could be with her for all eternity. Her precious boy.Patroclus suddenly gasped on the way back to the cave, startling him.“What?” Had he forgotten something at the riverbank?Patroclus seemed flustered. “Ah, sorry. I forgot I had to do something for teacher. I just hope he won’t be upset,” he lied. Damn it to Hades.Achilles lightly bumped his hip into his. Patroclus hid a wince, this was the worst time to rough house with him. “You’ll be fine, master isn’t strict on us at all. And I doubt he would scold you, you’re his favorite after all.” Achilles said, walking a bit in front of him, “ I’m too naughty.” Patroclus laughed a little, he felt bad for lying but he couldn’t just come out and say that he had left his bleeding cloth at the river.He had been even luckier that Achilles hadn’t noticed it all. But they had to get home quickly, preferably before he was dripping down his legs.“You’re right.” “Of course, I am.” “I’m his favorite,” he quipped, laughing. Running a bit ahead, sticking his tongue at him. He needed to hurry.“Hey, no fair,” while he pretended to pout, he enjoyed Patroclus’ sweet laugh.“Then start behaving, you’re too wild at times.” Patroclus teased looking back.“I enjoy being wild, and it’s fun to drag you along corrupting you.” Achilles pulled him back by his wrist. Patroclus laughed again. They just stood there like that, Patroclus’ wrist cradled in his fingers Patroclus leaned against him, so close.“Behave, my Achilles,” he whispered, breath fanning at his ear. Achilles stunned, let go of him almost immediately. Red licked at his cheeks once more. Patroclus hadn't even noticed that he claimed him, Gods did he want to be his. All his.Patroclus disappeared after dinner and didn’t reappear until it was nearly time for bed. However, when Patroclus settled next to him, it felt like relief. As if he could finally sleep now that he was safe.

Drawing him nearer until he was at his chest, Patroclus sighed slightly but didn’t wake. Achilles lightly rested his fingers at his temple, lessons with his mother today had left him drained not just physically but mentally. She was showing him how to tap into his divine powers. It was tiring, he would just rather not. That and he was afraid if he started using them, he would become more like them.The thought of taking another’s freewill felt repulsive. While he had promised his mother that he would practice, he intended never to use it. Patroclus shifted away from him, beads of sweat glistening in the low light of their room. Achilles let him go, it was too hot to pull him close, still, it was nice to have him near.Lying in the shade with Achilles’ fingers lightly running through his hair, made him sleepy. He yawned a little, curling up further into his lap. Achilles himself was dozing off against the tree. “Achilles,” he called almost hating to wake him, as he still seemed tired from his lessons with his mother.“Hm,” was all he uttered. The complete and utter laziness of the summer heat taking over.“It has been almost two years since we came here,” Patroclus stated, as the heat carried his words up.Achilles hummed again. “Has it? I haven’t even noticed.” That was both the truth and a lie, while he hadn’t noticed time slipping away, but had noticed as Patroclus grew increasingly comely. Like a dancer, lithe and tall, coming up to his chin as opposed to his chest. However that was to be expected as he had divine blood, Achilles would always be taller than him. Patroclus looked up at him, and in the shade of the tree his eyes seemed even darker.“Why?” Did Patroclus not like being here with him anymore? Was he bored? “No reason, I was merely wondering your thoughts on the matter, because to me it feels as if I could be here forever. And that time doesn’t have a construct at least not here.”“Oh,” he said resuming his favorite pastime, playing with Patroclus’ curls. They were so glossy and formed the most perfect ringlets that he just couldn’t help himself. Achilles even had a favorite that always sprang back when he undid it. Patroclus never seemed to mind him playing with them, except when he went to braid them, afraid of it tangling. He resisted the urge to sigh when he saw that Patroclus was again falling asleep in his lap. Gods, he was precious.“Do you miss home?” Patroclus’ voice startled him for a moment before he recovered. Achilles had to think for a moment. If he wanted to see his father, he could, and his mother came to pester him almost daily. So, everything was fine, more than fine. He had Patroclus all to himself.“Not really, no. I like it here,” with you.Patroclus sighed against his thigh, “ So do I.” Achilles wondered if a small part of him did miss his home, his mother in particular. From how Patroclus had spoken, his mother had seemed to be the only good thing he could remember about it. Her melodies and love, that Patroclus seemed to radiate. Achilles brushed his dark curls from his forehead, silently thanking Patroclus’ mother for the gift of her son.“ I promise to always look after him. I love him more than anything in this world.”Patroclus turned fifteen right as summer began to end. While the woods were just as vibrant as ever, the sense that summer was dying was in the air. To celebrate Achilles wrote and played a song just for him that had him nearly in tears. And of course, he had to tease him just a little bit, “It’s your birthday don’t cry. It’s a happy day.” Chiron had made him a beautifully carved bow with a supple leather quiver. Patroclus had thanked them both with a shy smile on his lips. Achilles could have just kissed him right there.Patroclus’ flush had deepened during dinner because Achilles kept piling more and more meat onto his plate. “It’s your birthday, so..” Gods, Patroclus’ blush was so furious that not even his skin could hide it. Achilles felt himself smile a little at it, and that wasn’t all.Earlier that morning he and Chiron had picked some ripe, red apples. Patroclus’ eyes widened at the sight of the apples, Achilles placed the bowl in front of him. He was to have the first pick. His hand reached out for one, but paused.“Do you not like them?” Patroclus shook his head softly.“They are almost too beautiful to eat.” Achilles smirked a little.“That’s a shame as that is their main purpose,” he teased pulling one out and holding it out to him.“Here.” Patroclus’ own warm fingers covered his own, as it was passed over. Achilles watched him take a bite of his, before grabbing and biting into his own. Patroclus' dark eyes caught his own, grinning around his apple. Cheeks matching the fruit."Guess that means we're engaged now," Achilles joked. Patroclus nearly choked on his piece. Right, a boy presents an apple to the one he wishes to marry. "Achilles, is there any end to how seriously you take things. Gods above," he thought with a roll of his eyes."I suppose it would," he teased back. Achilles now found himself at a loss for words. Was he saying yes to him? Maybe. However, he wouldn't know as Chiron began shuffling them off to bed."Achilles," Patroclus whispered to him, "are you still awake?" Achilles rolled over to face him, but all he saw was his vague shape in the darkness."I'm still up. Why can't you sleep?" "No, I just wanted to thank you for today."Achilles' heart sped up, "You don't have to do that. I just wanted to make your birthday special," the day the Gods formed you just for me. Patroclus said," Thank you,” before Achilles felt a warm press of lips against his cheek."Always," he muttered, letting the feeling linger, “for you.”The two of them tried to enjoy what was left of summer as Chiron warned them about how cold and long this next winter would be. He said it was the cause of an overly long and hot summer. Which is why today they were both trying to hunt, dry, and store as much meat for the winter as possible. Patroclus was breathtaking firing off arrow after arrow as if possessed by the Goddess Artemis herself. Each hit was a swift kill, a kindness.All of Patroclus’ actions were always thoughtful, everything he did was with the thought of others’ well-being in mind. No matter who or what it is. Achilles watched him a moment longer before slinging his capture over his shoulders. It was only midafternoon, they had some time before they had to go back for lessons.“Hey Patroclus want to go swimming!” he shouted, breaking into a jog to catch up to him. His shoulders were sticky with blood and he wondered if it was causing the same discomfort for Patroclus.Patroclus turned to face him but shook his head. “Not today, perhaps tomorrow?,” he offered in his gentle way.“Of course.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

s
Winter came just as Chiron said, with the first snow falling just after the leaves began to fall.

Their sparring was now confined to the opening of the cave, and when they craved some adventure, ventured out to fish in the icy river. Achilles always kept Patroclus close to him fearing a repeat of their first winter.

However Patroclus was ever curious often venturing off to wonder at the pure snow and bare trees with icicles hanging down. Which vexed Achilles to no end, any of the sharp pieces of ice could fall hurting him. Patroclus laughed off his concerns and continued to do as he pleased. And some people liked to call him stubborn. Ha.

“Achilles, I’ll be fine stop worrying,”Patroclus called to him, “See.”

All he could see was Patroclus jumping up to knock one of the icicles down. Horrified he ran to
stop him, but it was too late. Patroclus simply picked it up and brought it over to him.

“See I’m fine and it’s not even sharp,” he held out the end for him to touch. Achilles frowned, it was sharp enough.

“You’re stubborn, you know that right?,” he sighed, going back to his fishing line.

Patroclus snickered, “ Just a little more than you.”

Achilles snorted.

" I've seen few as stubborn as you."

Patroclus only hummed, turning away on his heels, “Perhaps.”

He shook his head pulling up his catch.

Their room was as warm as possible with furs and fire going around them. Still, Patroclus felt a chill, the blizzard that had long trapped them inside, wailed even louder. Scooting closer to steal some of Achilles’ heat. His friend seemed to run as hot as a fire at times, perhaps from all the divine blood that ran in his veins. Either way, he was thankful for it.

Achilles said nothing when Patroclus drew himself into his side, only feeling his cheeks reddening. While this winter had been downright vicious, it had one redeeming quality bringing Patroclus even closer to him.

The winds howled even louder from the entrance and in his sleep, Patroclus scrunched up further to his chest as if seeking his protection. Protection which he would always give, Gods help him. He was in deep so deep and knew that sooner or later he was going to have to tell Patroclus. Achilles just hoped that he could find it in his heart to forgive him, and perhaps accept his confession.

When Spring came again, Achilles was both thankful and resentful. Thankful because Patroclus looked lovely in the soft rays of sunshine. Resentful because he no longer had an excuse to keep him bundled in his arms.

Sparring resumed as both of them were eager to stretch their stiff muscles after spending much of the winter indoors.

Chiron watched over them for a moment before letting them be, he seemed more at ease leaving Patroclus alone with him. Though time after time, Achilles promised to remember his strength.

Not that he even had to worry Patroclus had a few- no several dirty tricks up his sleeves and was getting much faster at catching him off guard.

“You’re getting so much easier to read, it’s almost as if you’re letting me win,” Patroclus teased, settling himself more comfortable on his stomach. Oh, no he didn’t.

“I’m not. We’re just getting started,” and on that note used his weight to flip them.

“Oof,” Patroclus panted out looking up at him. Achilles’ blond hair hung loose forming almost a veil over them, with his summery green eyes holding him captive. His heart raced a little faster, Gods did he so badly want to reach up and run his fingers through the strands before kissing him. Instead, he hit Achilles’ ankle throwing him off balance and switched them again.

“Hey!” This time putting more of his weight on him, which was a struggle as Achilles continually bucked upwards to free himself. Patroclus hid a gasp this was too much. Gods, but he wasn’t going to give up that easily.

, In the end, it all been for nothing, he let Achilles pin him to save himself the embarrassment of showing his arousal. Even that had been a lost cause, to hide flushed cheeks and suddenly slippery thighs. He sweetly asked Achilles if he wanted to swim.

Which he cheerfully agreed to.

There were no mirrors on Mt. Pelton to show him his newfound growth, but he could feel the new weight if his body as his limbs adjusted to it. The only way Patroclus could measure his changes was against Achilles, with his sharpening face, broad shoulders, and comfortable swagger. He probably didn't feel awkward or ashamed of his body, and why would he as he was devastatingly handsome.

Patroclus sighed to himself pulling his knees up to his chest as he admired Achilles. His tan back dripping with water, while the Apollo's rays cast a halo around his golden head. Letting his eyes linger a little more before turning away, it was a good thing he had because at that moment Achilles started to get out. Pressing his damp skin right next to his. Patroclus lightly shoved him away, he had just dried off.

"You're wet."

Achilles grinned," So are you."

"But I just starting to dry off," he whined.

"Hmm, whatever," Achilles muttered, flopping onto his back stretching himself out unashamed. While Patroclus pressed himself more inwards.

Gods, he had gotten so shy lately, what happened to the Patroclus who stripped with no shame. There was no need to feel shy, especially around him.

Achilles glanced up at him, " You're never going to dry if you keep yourself all scrunched up."

" I suppose not," he said, letting his legs stretched out more.

Achilles rolled onto his side, he commented " You seem taller."

Patroclus replied, his lashes fluttering against his cheeks, "And you seemed older." Achilles rolled his eyes.

"Of course, I'm a few months older than you."

Patroclus shook his head that wasn't what he meant, " No, you look more mature. Your face is sharper…," he trailed off awkwardly.

Oh.

Achilles felt a heat take his cheeks, Patroclus was noticing him too.

"Oh," he wanted to press him for more of what he thought of him, when Patroclus posed his own question.

" Have I changed any?" His knees were held looser almost as if he was using them to shield himself. Gods, if he only knew how lovely he had become.

Achilles smiled sitting up fully, fingers capturing his jaw.

" This is sharper and wider," Achilles said, dragging them to rest at his lips. Petal soft against his thumb just as he imagined. His fingers continuing to brush down his throat, where a new bulb rested. Achilles’ eyes were so intense as if he was reading right into his soul. Such a thought left him...breathless.

“Stand up,” Achilles ordered softly. Patroclus did, and the tracing of fingers continued, except they turned into hands. It was taking all of his strength not to run away from him and his touches.

No not touches, caresses just like in their anatomy lessons. Every touch was gentle and left him wanting more, more that neither of them were ready to give.

Achilles reached for his hand and brought it down his collarbone across the width of his shoulders, “You’re wider here,” he breathed.

Swallowing a lump Patroclus asked, “Where else?” Achilles tilted his head and at that moment the sun caught his green eyes revealing flecks of gold. Patroclus flushed, regretting to have asked.

His hands traveled to his navel, over the dark hair that had appeared there. Patroclus shivered, his hands were warm with each trace of his calloused fingers making his skin pimple with goosebumps.

"And here too." Achilles breathed with a teasing lit. Only things felt way beyond mere joking.

More sharply than he would have liked told him, "You can stop now. I get the idea."

Achilles frowned briefly but respectfully withdrew. Patroclus’ cheeks were absolutely on fire.
After that they sat in a comfortable silence, with the sound of the water across the rocks. Achilles swam some more before finally stretching out lazily in the Sun.

“You know,” his voice was barely above a whisper over the trickling of water,” I think you would not be displeased by how you look.” Patroclus ducked his head to hide a smile. Gods, Achilles was going to be the death of him.

“Ah~ fuck- Achilles~,” Patroclus cried out. Nails digging even more into his back, trying to draw him even closer. Achilles wasn’t sure how much closer, he could be drawn him. They were as close as one could possibly be. The sound of skin meeting was obscene, and nothing was as delectable as his lover’s face screwed up in pleasure. Nor could anything ever compete again.

Achilles woke up in a sweat right at the moment, Patroclus’ red lips parted. Curse all the gods above. His skin was slick with sweat and everything itched for all the wrong reasons. Patroclus still breathed deeply against his chest unaware of his lustful desires. He hated himself for this, hated that wasn’t the first time nor would it be the last.

He huffed quietly, willing his blood to cool. Good Zeus the positions he imagined him in, all with that sinful smirk on his red lips. Patroclus would never do such things in real life, he was sweet, innocent. Blushing when he merely kissed him on the cheek. Nothing like the siren from his dreams. The things he did with his mouth. Gods.

“Stop it, Patroclus was too pure to think or do such things,”

he scolded mentally.

Patroclus cuddled further into his chest, and Achilles wanted to disappear. Patroclus had one of his legs over his anymore movement and surely he would discover his problem. Sighing softly in his sleep, so pleased that he had found a comfortable position. Patroclus had no idea of his effect on him, that he was only making his problem worse. Achilles resisted the urge to groan, curse the Gods above. Gently he tried to move him off of him, out of respect for him. Which only served to wake him up. Patroclus’ soft brown eyes meet his hazily.

“Good morning,” he muttered to him, before cuddling back at his chest. Moving slightly before he froze. Achilles’ breath caught, surely he would hate him. Instead, of curses Patroclus moved his hand down, engulfing him. Achilles groaned.

Dark eyes peered up at him innocently, while his hand pumped him up and down. There was nothing innocent about this they were in very dangerous territory.

“Does it feel good?,” Patroclus panted, his hand never stopping for a moment. Gods, even he was affected.

“Yes,” he grits out, trying to get even more friction. The warm hand removed itself, he whined a little. Another warmth replaced it, Patroclus straddling him. So this was another fantasy of his, but it seems so real it. Patroclus seemed so shy and unsure, yet so determined. It only served to make him want to ruin him more.

Patroclus writhed a bit against him until his hands caught his waist. Holding him in place, he lightly moved upward. At first, he seemed startled, but soon enough they fell into a rhythm. Gods, above this, was amazing.

Each one of his thrusts into his thighs made him arc his back even more. He was so close, Achilles could tell by the way his lips parted. Surely this had to be another dream, but it felt so real, and Gods.

A moan broke from Patroclus’ ruby lips loud enough to nearly draw Chiron’s attention. Chocolate eyes met his in part embarrassment and the haze of pleasure. Achilles recaptured his lips and Patroclus took this opportunity to find better purchase at his shoulders arms drawing them even closer. Gods, his heart was beating out of control.

They came. Him first and Patroclus soon after. For a moment they simply fought to regain their breaths. For the second time, he woke up, this time for real. Achilles sucked in a breath trying to calm down. Curse all of the Gods, it had felt so real. Hades, it had even sounded real.

Patroclus tried to cling to him in his sleep, but this time Achilles all but yanked himself away, inch by inch. The relief he felt was immediate, well if not for…

Fuck.

Patroclus wondered what in Hades was Achilles’ problem this morning, he seemed on edge. He tried to think what could have set him off, but nothing, in particular, stood out in his memory. Whatever it was Achilles would either tell him or he would ask him later.

He had been wrong. Achilles was still in his strange mood when their break arrived, wandering off leaving him on his own. It was strange as they were always together but supposed that at times they needed time apart.

Good Gods, he felt too guilty to face Patroclus. How could he, Achilles held his head this was insanity. Pure insanity. He knew he loved him that was a fact he couldn’t deny anymore, but he was just so damn cowardly. The only question was, did Patroclus like him back? Achilles honestly had no idea anymore. There had been so many close calls between them.

He thought he was showing his affection subtly, but instead, it felt as if it was just leaking out of him. One wrong move and Patroclus wouldn’t take his confession seriously. Gods, maybe he already had the wrong idea.

Patroclus was so lovely no he was more than lovely, he was absolutely beautiful. But he wanted more than just that he wanted his heart, for it to belong to him completely. In return, he would give him his own. Achilles would give him anything if he simply asked.

Achilles was still behaving somewhat strange the next few days. Patroclus dare not say it, but it felt almost as if he was courting him? What was a silly thought, why would he need to court him?

It had started small with Achilles taking him to explore places of the mountains neither of them had been to, places Chiron had forbidden them. Patroclus had voiced some concern about disobeying Chiron and his warnings, but Achilles brush them away.

“I’ll protect you always, I swear it.” Those words made Patroclus’ heart beat a little faster and his breathing catch, they almost sounded like a - dare he hope a confession. No, Achilles meant that platonically nothing like that despite what his actions said.

“Achilles, I can take care of myself.” Achilles met his words with a soft smile one that said, “

I know you can, but I want to so let me.”

Hera above this was madness, he was reading way too much into both Achilles’ words and actions. Of course, he would protect him as his friend, and Patroclus would do the same.

Then he came bearing gifts, flower crowns, an apple, a plum, a basket of berries here and there.

But what truly made his heart stop were the moments were Achilles would pull out the lyre and play for him, just for him. Or he felt as if it was for him. While his fingers lightly plucked at the strings, his emerald eyes never left his. When the last few notes rang out Patroclus gently rubbed at his eyes while Achilles grinned.

“Well, what did you think?”

He couldn’t hide his feelings if he tried his tears spoke for themselves, “Beautiful, it was beautiful. Everything you play is.” Achilles’ soft grin remained, and there was a look that he so desperately wanted to mean something.

“I should hope so, I wrote it for you.” Blood immediately rushes to his cheeks, Patroclus hoped his skin would conceal it.

If Achilles spotted his red cheeks, he said nothing. The air around them felt charged Achilles seemed to get closer and closer to the point Patroclus saw the spattering of freckles across his nose.

His perfect lips- no he wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice.

Patroclus jerked away from him slightly,“We should head back, it’s getting late.” Achilles blinked looking confused but after a moment nodded.

“We should.”

Achilles swallowed down his complete and utter heartbreak. Gods, what had gone wrong it should have been perfect, Patroclus had been so close only to jerk away. What had he done wrong this time, maybe he had been too forward? Made him feel rushed? Or maybe he should stop waiting for Patroclus to initiate the kiss.

“Achilles?” Patroclus called already ready to go back down to home.

“I'm sorry, I was lost in thought…” he babbled, curses not again. Now was not the time to get all tongue-tied and stupid.

Patroclus ever patient waited for him to collect himself.

“This is why we should head back, you seem tired,” Patroclus mused taking the lyre from him. When he was on his feet, Patroclus held it still.

“Are your lessons with your mother making you tired?” Achilles stilled for a moment. They were but it was nothing he couldn’t handle.

“Y-no I’m fine really.” Patroclus fixed him with a look that showed he didn’t believe him but let it go. This is why he loved him, Patroclus never pushed him to say more than he had too. He could tell him when he was ready, but he was ready now. Patroclus needed to know how he felt.

“Achilles,” Patroclus called to him again, not again he spaced out again. Achilles drew himself from his thoughts and caught up to him.

“Achilles,” he chided gently, taking his hand, “you can tell her that while you have her blood. You are mortal too, you need to rest at times.” Achilles would be lying if he didn’t enjoy being coddled in Patroclus’ kindness. How it seemed as if while his mother pushed for godhood, Patroclus would accept him no matter what.

“I will, I promise.” Patroclus’ smile was all he needed to distract himself from yet another failure of confession.

“Please.”

Yet another year, was added to her son’s short and pitiful mortal existence. Thetis curled her fingers around his gift, yet another she would never give him. Why did she do this every year if she knew the outcome already? She couldn’t because to acknowledge the day she bore him would be…

Thetis gripped the necklace of seashells and pearls until they clattered to the floor. The remaining pearls crushed until they were nothing but a fine powder. They were rare to mortals, but she would give him an even grander gift. Immortality, then nothing could ever hurt him again. Time nor death would touch her child.
Achilles, I’m sorry. I’m sorry if you think me cruel, but I can’t count the days until I lose you. I have lost everything else. I can’t fail at this too. You will be a God. The greatest, Mt.Olympus has ever seen.
Patroclus hummed as he added the finishing touches to his gift for Achilles. It was a simple carving of him playing the lyre but hoped he would like it nonetheless.

At the sounding of horns, hid a grimace. More gifts from King Peleus and no doubt the gossiping servants to accompany them. Patroclus rose to get Chiron, he would deal with them as well as receive any messages from the King.

The sound of their swords reverberated in the clearing. Achilles twisted again to block his mother’s swing. She seemed rather impressed with him, let’s just hope it stays that way. He went on the offensive.

His mother raised her sword again, the blows were becoming faster and faster. While neither of them were winded, he was just sweating a bit. Achilles pushed a few stray hairs from his forehead.

“
Come on my son, I have seen better. You’re swings are getting sloppy. Again
.”

Gritting his teeth, they were getting sloppy because they had been at this for hours. He was tired, but should he mention this to his mother.

She would scold him, accusing him of wanting to go and be with Patroclus. She wasn’t wrong, but it was too nice of a day to have his mood ruined. Because Gods forbid he be anything less than perfect, less than godly.

Was it too much to ask that he could simply just sit with his mother and talk with her? Without the dance of blades, spears, and axes. It had all become so tiresome.

He must have accidentally sighed, because his mother stopped her onslaught. He viewed her through crossed blades.

“
You see me as being hard on you. I come here because I wish to visit you. To see that you are being educated well and improving in the arts of war. My son, all I wish for you is to grow into who you are meant to be. Have all that you need to be great. I wish I could see you more often, but it seems as if I can never find time to come more often.
”

In his opinion she came too often, frightening all of the wildlife and Patroclus. Who could tell when she had come before he could. Which is why he blurted this out before he could stop himself.

“Mother, why don’t you just view me from the sea, surely you can see me always?”

In an instant his mother’s face went so dark, as if a storm brewed behind her dark eyes. The weight of her blade removed itself.

“
I can’t see you from way down there. The sources of water are much too pure for me. I-We are of the Sea,
” she said, reaching to cradle his face. Achilles nearly flinched she was so cold, “
never forget this
.”

Achilles toyed with that tidbit of information. She could not see him here, it was no wonder she visited well past her two monthly visits. It made her anxious that she couldn’t order and interfere with his life as she pleased. Had he known, he probably would have kissed Patroclus much sooner, not doing so was driving him insane. It was as if every day he grew more and more beautiful.

“Of course mother. I shall never forget and I’m so grateful that you come to see me.” His mother seemed pleased at his answer, but still felt the tension surrounding her now that her secret was out.
“Again, Achilles,” she called lifting her sword up once more, “then I must go.”
"Yes, mother." Their blades crossed again, but he couldn't stop feeling giddy.

She couldn’t see him here, which meant she couldn’t see them here.

His mother had just given him the best possible news for his birthday.

The servants had whispered and looked among themselves, as they carried the now empty trunks back down the mountain. Patroclus eyed them wearily, no doubt they would be celebrated for the news they would bring of him and Achilles. He was glad when they finally disappeared. They annoyed him to no end.

Achilles had poked through and grown bored of his gifts. Some well-needed lyre strings, another set of tunics, more weapons, some gold armbands, and a skillfully woven saddle fit for a prince. Now, that had caught his attention, making him hold it out to Chiron, who thought it particularly funny.

“I hope that isn’t for me,” he said making them laugh even harder. It wouldn’t do them much good as a saddle, but it would serve more purpose as rags for cleaning, compresses, and bandages. Patroclus had even put a few scraps off aside for bleeding clothes.

They ate and Chiron gave Achilles his gifts a simple cloak and a new dagger, which were much more practical for the mountains.

It was a happy afternoon spent roughhousing, and goring themselves on the juicy yet sticky fruits. A day that was coming to an end. Sunset had stretched over the forest, Chiron had allowed them to linger outside, but to venture no further than the circle of trees.

Finding a cliff overlooking a grassy valley, they watched the twilight until it was filled with its bright stars. Achilles was stretched out like across the grass with him, pointing at the large bodies that were copied above their bed. Telling their stories.

“Orion, the Hunter,” Achilles said pointing and even tracing the shape of the stars, “ It was said that he once loved the goddess, Artemis..,” he paused dramatically. Patroclus both loved and hated when he did that. Wanting to know what happened, even if he had heard all of the myths before. It was the way Achilles told them, speaking as if he had been there seen the events take place.

“ And she loved him...But when her brother, Apollo found out about their union, he devised a way to save her chastity. He tricked his sister into killing him by way of ..., overcome with grief Artemis begged Zeus to make him immortal, and he was made into a constellation in the stars.”

Patroclus sighed slightly.

“

That’s horribly sad

,” he thought, “

I pray to never have Achilles taken from me, I couldn’t bear it

.” But he would whether it be marriage or war. In their society, Achilles was a man ready for a wife and so was he.

Achilles noticed he had grown quiet after his story.

“What’s the matter, didn’t you like it?” Patroclus shook his head, his curls bounced with the movement.

“I liked it, I always like how you tell myths, you speak as if you had been there.” Achilles flushed a little from the praise.

“But I haven’t,” the way he told them was simply the way his father told him. His mother had never bothered, even if she knew the truth of them.

“Did it upset you?”

“No, it’s just I feel…, sad for them to be separated from each other like that. I could not even dream of such pain. ” he rolled from his back to face him.

“I don’t think I could ever...,” Patroclus bit his lip, he has almost told him. “

Bear to be away from you like that.”

“What is it?” Achilles moved closer until their breath mingled together.

Patroclus flushed a little more

“Nothing, pay it no mind.”

Achilles leaned into him, Gods he hoped he was right. Cupping his cheek, this could be his only chance or it could ruin everything.

Patroclus’ first thought was to pull away from him, but. What was he going to do? Reject him, he couldn't.

His soft lips met his and everything fell into place.

A spark.

Their spark.

Achilles drew him ever closer until he was nearly in his lap. It was an eternity before they finally stopped. Panting and flustered, with a bit of saliva falling down his lip. Patroclus swiped it at gently, Achilles held him still in his grasp.

Patroclus was too frightened of ruining this, to pull away. Finally, he drew the strength to look at Achilles’ face. His usually light green eyes were dark with an emotion he couldn’t name, appearing breathless. Had he caused that? The thought made him dizzy.

“Sorry, I don't know what came-”

This time he instigated the kiss, Achilles didn’t run away from him this time. Instead, he sucked on his tongue hard. Gripped his chin lightly to deepen it, turning the kiss even more sloppy. Achilles' hands gripped at his small of his back drawing him firmly in his lap.

“Mnh,” Patroclus could hardly contain the small moan that escaped him. Achilles peeked at him from under his golden lashes, pretty sure that if Achilles could he would be smirking.

“Sorry,” Patroclus muttered pulling back at last, moving out of his embrace. Gods, he had behaved so shameless.

Achilles caught his wrist, “ I kissed you first. You have nothing to apologize for.”

“Okay,” he said, his face ever red and turning even redder.

“ It doesn’t have to mean anything if you don't want it to. I know I have hurt you, and I never meant to,” he nibbled on his bottom lip feeling nervous. Praying he wouldn't reject him. Although he would have every right.
Patroclus held his hands in his own, his lashes fluttering against his cheeks.

“Achilles..” he started but Chiron was calling for them.

“Achilles and Patroclus where are you? It has growing late.”
They broke apart from each other so quickly, Achilles mourned the loss of his warmth. Patroclus stood first. He still didn't have an answer. Did Patroclus return his feelings or had he caused his heart to harden? Patroclus appeared shy as if he wanted to say more, but he before he could answer him.
Chiron called them again, curses. Couldn't his teacher see he was trying to confess his feelings.

“Achilles we should go,” he held his hand out for him, and Achilles took it. Heart feeling as if it was in shreds. Gods, he needed to know.
Before he left Patroclus leaned over to plant a small kiss to his cheek, “We'll talk later, I promise I'll hold your answer,” he whispered then he was gone. Achilles was so red, he could feel the fierceness of the heat of it throughout his body.
He stumbled after him in a daze, Patroclus liked him still. Maybe he even loved him.

Achilles had to contain his disappointment when nothing had happened, Patroclus had said nothing on the way and was even quieter in their room. Going to the bowl to rinse his face.

Not knowing what else to say and how to ease his mind. His brain helpfully supplied.

“She cannot see us here.” Gods above he wanted to smack himself.

“

You idiot. She cannot see us here. That was the best you could think to say.”

Patroclus looked up at him from the bowl, towel held loosely in one hand.

“What?”

Achilles’ face grew even redder, “ I said she cannot see us here. She was not pleased when I asked.”

Patroclus tilted his head, “Oh.”

“

You’re an idiot, a complete and utter idiot.”

Achilles just wanted to bury his head in these pillows and never come out. “

Oh, Gods.”

Patroclus settled next to him, reaching over to grasp his face. Achilles nuzzled into his palms.

“I couldn’t bear to be away from you, like Artemis and Orion, their story is simply too heartbreaking.”

His soft lips pressed against him again, Achilles drew him back into his arms.

They broke slightly, before they were intertwined once more.

These feelings were so new, this was so new.

Achilles’ hands cautiously mapped him out, wanting to commit every freckle to memory. Every part of him to memory. Patroclus shifted a bit, hands guiding where he wanted him to touch him.

Until his hands rested themselves at his thighs, parting them to settle between them. Achilles had to take a moment to just admire how breathtaking Patroclus was.

Dark eyes hazed over with lust in anticipation with a touch of shyness. His lips swollen from his kisses. A blush like a fever across his cheeks, hair a dark puddle over their pillows. Achilles leaned down to kiss him again, there was nothing to hide. There was to be no secrets or shame between them. He was incredibly beautiful, every part of him.
An all-consuming hunger overtook them both, what started slow left them both breathless. Patroclus deepened it pulling him down by his neck, fingers threading through his curls. An act of possession. Gods he loved being his.
Widening his legs more to let Achilles’ rest between them. Leading them to be even closer, cocks pressing and rubbing against each other. It went on like this for a few moments before they felt they needed more than this. He needed more than this.

Achilles wasn’t prepared to have Patroclus straddling him, he groaned even louder when Patroclus took them both in hand between them.

When they had awakened, the air had been thick with uncertainty. Neither of them were sure if they could go back to what they had been before.

Achilles bit at his lip before speaking, “ I wasn’t sure if you returned my affections.” His forest green eyes held his own, “ or..”

“I do,” Patroclus responded quietly, his heart drumming against his chest.

Achilles leaned into him, kissing him softly.

“And I return them tenfold,” he uttered against his lips, “ More than life itself.” Achilles again pressed his lips to his bringing him closer once more, Patroclus basked in his warmth. His love.

Perhaps, no it was too early. Patroclus would tell him when the time was right, that he was a carrier. That and one day, he would give him such a pretty babe.

Finally, they had to be parted from each other before lessons. Lest Chiron catch on to their budding relationship. Achilles had left first, Patroclus had taken his time. Sore from last night.

Gods, he couldn’t help the quiet laugh that escaped him. They had been so silly pining over each other. Oh, how his heart was lighter, his whole being felt lighter. Achilles loved him.

Patroclus couldn’t stop smiling, or humming as he went about his daily chores. Achilles sported similar red cheeked grins.

His pupils had thought themselves so clever that he had no idea of what was going on between them. Chiron saw the sweet smiles they sent each other. How they blushed. Finally, they had told each other of their affections. Now, what he wouldn't tolerate is them slacking on their lessons and chores.

After a morning spent wrapped in bliss, a sudden dread flooded his system. How could he have been so careless, that had been so reckless of him?

He had all but let Achilles take his purity. What if Achilles didn’t feel the same, truly. If it was only sex, between them. Hormones. They hadn’t even gone that far yet. As far as everyone was concerned, he was still pure and untouched. Without a child or his hymen broken. Marriage was still a possibility. If any would ever want him.

Gods, he prayed his spouse would be kind to him, but even harder Patroclus prayed for a way for Achilles to be made his. Because all he wanted was to be his.
Patroclus was quiet during lessons and he wondered if he had made a mistake. That he had ruined their pure friendship. He sincerely hoped he would tell him what was bothering him because any doubts he had Achilles would soothe them. Any challenges they would face, they would face them together.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

The further the ship departed from the port the lighter her heart felt. She was free, finally free. His warm arms wrapped around her from behind and she felt him place a kiss on her neck.
Helen felt herself smile for the first time in years.Veiled in the darkness of the docks a figure grinned back."WHERE IS SHE?!," Menelaus barked at the guards quivering at his feet.
One of the guards on the left grew brave enough to speak up, "She is simply gone, Your Highness."
This only served to make the Spartan king angrier.
"That wasn't what I asked NOW WAS IT." The men shrank back.
"No, Your Highness," they responded.
“And she is nowhere to be found,” he asked once more.
“No, Your Highness scouts have searched the surrounding areas. More are searching the roads but there is no sign of her. "
"Check the ports, then send ships to every island. You will not stop until she is found." Menelaus ordered slumping back into his chair, "and send a message to my brother. His wife may know something."
"Right away, Your Highness."
Menelaus waited until their footsteps cleared away before tossing his cup and decanter to the ground. There was no way to escape from this palace unless she wanted to leave, so she must have had outside help.
Paris.
Helen thought herself so clever, fine then. He was going to drag her back by her hair kicking and screaming.Gods this was the happiest he had been in years.
Patroclus giggled as Achilles placed yet another series of kisses at his neck. Achilles was finally free to shower him with love and affection without repercussions from his mother.
"Achilles stop," he laughed again, "We're going to get caught by Master Chiron."
“No,” he said placing another kiss right at his pulse, “How will I if you continue to look so lovely.” If Achilles continued to leave marks, they were going to be caught. Gods above he was so reckless, but it made him love him all the more.
“We’re going to be late for chores, come on,” Patroclus said at last drawing away from Achilles’ greedy grip.
Achilles groaned as if it would change his mind.
“Come on, lazy,” he said grabbing his hands. However Achilles had better plans, he yanked him back down. Patroclus stumbled perfectly into his arms.
“Stay just a moment longer,” he pleaded brushing his fingers through his dark curls. The sunlight made his jewel eyes even more intense, making it even harder to deny him.
“Just a moment longer, I suppose,” Patroclus said leaning towards his lips. Though the Gods knew it would be more than a moment.Chiron had giving them the task of reorganizing the library after their chores as punishment. Had it been worth it to steal a few extra moments with Achilles?
Achilles caught his eye, arms filled with scrolls. Patroclus returned his smile.
Always.

News had spread of Helen’s disappearance, but there was no other who could be blamed for it other than the Trojan prince who had sought hospitality in Menelaus’ home. His brother suggested that they gather all of Helen’s suitors who had once signed the pact and invoke it. A war was to go to the shores of Troy. Menelaus was going to make good on his promise to have Helen kicking and screaming. And Paris would pay for taking his wife, his entire country would pay.
….
Amphimachus
Ancaeus
Antilochus
Ascalaphus
Blanirus
Clytius
Odysseus
Menelaus
Ajax
Philoctetes
Protesilaus
Menestheus
Elephenor
Ajax the Lesser
Diomedes
Patroclus
Idomeneus
Teucer...
Patroclus’ deft fingers worked quickly as he looped the stems of blue flowers, Achilles was making his own of white flowers to place in his dark curls. The meadow had now become their favorite place to go as all the flowers had blossomed on the grassy hillside. They spent hours just lying there admiring the weather and each other and making crowns. While his were a bit clumsy, Patroclus’ were perfect every time.
“Finished,” he said standing over him, “come here.” Achilles bowed his head slightly and felt the lightweight of it.
“Perfect,” Patroclus said drawing away, Achilles yanked him back into his arms. Right where he belonged. He fell back into the flowers. Patroclus was stunning with his features lit up by the sun. Gods, he was breathtaking.
“Beautiful,” he uttered, looking up at him.
“You’re so silly,” Patroclus cooed at him, cheeks flushing that perfect red.
“I’m in love, of course, I’ll be silly,” he returned cupping his face. His blush deepened, Achilles could always tell because his freckles became all the more prominent.
“ I love you, Patroclus. You make me so happy, that I can’t help but become a little foolish around you.” His summery eyes held him captured, Gods.
Patroclus had to turn his head a moment, he just needed a moment. A moment for his heart to stop racing like that. Achilles’ fingers moved to his head and he felt a softness placed there.
“Your crown,” Achilles breathed before his soft lips were pressed against his once more.“Must you go, love?” his wife whispered pressing her weight lightly against his back. Odysseus sighed tiredly, clasping his hand over hers. Telemachus safe and sound in his cradle.
“I must, we have been exposed. They will know that I’m not mentally ill and others will come for me. My name is on the list. I’m so sorry my love.”
“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to our child. He will spend many of his years without his father,” Penelope spat venomously withdrawing her warmth. Feisty just as the day he married her.
“Tell them you want no part of this war for me, for us. Odysseus, please.”
“I wish I could, my love,” he said taking her hands, “I wish I could.”
From what Pallias Athena had told him, this war was to be the greatest of them all. A war that could make men Gods. And for the war to end they needed the demigod, Achilles foretold to be the Aristos Achaion.Lessons were absolute torture today, Patroclus hadn’t been able to concentrate at all. Achilles, the cheeky fucker was running his fingers further and further up his tunic when Chiron turned his back. Had he no care if they got caught, mmhm. Patroclus shot him another glare when he pulled back. Kissing him while Chiron had turned his back. Wicked, Achilles was absolutely wicked.
“Stop teasing me, or you won’t like it when I tease back,” he hissed as Chiron turned his attention back to the potion boiling.
Achilles’ summer eyes gleamed, “Threats against me, ooh I’m so afraid.” Hades even his smirk was charming. Damn him.
“What are you going to do to me, tell me I’m curious” he whispered, hand fully on his thigh now. Patroclus felt his resolve weakened.
“ Keep it up and you’ll find out.”
“Oh, then I suppose I can keep doing this,” Achilles teased his hand stroking up his thigh. His fingers were hot, almost a brand.
“I can even take you on this table if I wanted,” Achilles whispered, breath tickling his ear. He was too close, and his hand was even closer, “ Would you like me to?”
He swallowed, Achilles was only teasing he would never. But Gods the thought made his blood run even hotter.
“Patroclus, can you fetch me more fennel from the drying room” Chiron’s call startled them both. Achilles pulled his hand away as quick as a flash stirring his potion. The very picture of innocence.
“Of course Master Chiron,” he answered, glad to have an excuse to be away from Achilles’ wandering hands. Only that he had a small problem, if he stood, his problem would be revealed. Achilles snickered less than quietly. Ass.
“I’ll get it, Master Chiron, after all, someone needs to watch our potions and if I watched them they would burn,” he offered, still faking innocence. Chiron held his eyes for a moment before nodding.
“Hurry back, you need two bushels they are near the …” Achilles was already gone before he finished. They both sighed, wild as ever.
Patroclus composed himself and tended to their potions. A mixture of bitter herbs almost a murky brown color that stank to the Heavens.
“Master Chiron, what is this supposed to treat again?” His train of thought had been other places today.
“It’s for stomach aches. Personally, I find mint to be more palatable but this works much faster.” Patroclus made a note of it.
“Here Master Chiron, the fennel.” Achilles returned with little noise so they were both startled when he placed the dried herbs on the table.
After their potions were deemed acceptable, Chiron released them deeming them restless to continue. Restless was hardly the right word, Achilles felt ravenous.“You were too wicked today,” Patroclus panted out. Achilles would respond but his mouth was currently occupied with shutting him up.
Patroclus drew away from him to take a breath, Achilles almost pouted before his mouth was again on his. Mhm, he tasted so sweet still, and he wanted to steal every last bit of the flavor from his lips.
Earlier his kisses had been innocent and quick, now they left him breathless and held him as trying to possess him. Devour him whole.
Patroclus groaned into the kiss and Achilles pulled him ever-hungry into his lap. His hands everywhere and at the same time nowhere. Patroclus fisted the hem of Achilles’ tunic pushing it up slightly to get more friction. Achilles let him, and finally their cocks rubbed against each other. Hot and slick.
Patroclus groaned sliding against him, Achilles was gripping him so tight there would be marks later. They would be worth it, to hear the sounds Achilles was making, even more, the way his face flushed with pleasure. Because at this moment Achilles was his. If just for that moment. His and his alone.Exhausted they laid there letting the warm sunbeam down on them. Gently Achilles rolled to his side, watching Patroclus sleep. Tunic off one shoulder and curls a mess, but he looked so innocent, so beautiful. Achilles let his fingers gently weave into those dark curls. Slowly his fingers moved his curls to rest at his swollen lips, then assessing the bitemarks down Patroclus’ neck and across his chest, those would be hard to hide. Sighing to himself, he rolled back onto his back pulling Patroclus into his arms.He needed to be more careful with his heart. Leaving bruises and bite marks like that on him was not acceptable by any means, but sometimes it was as if he could hardly control himself. No, in the future he would work as not to be so rough, Patroclus was his entire world. Achilles brushed his curls back once more to kiss his forehead. And if he hurt him for any reason, then what was the point of anything anymore.It had been years since that ludicrous gathering of suitors for Helen. Yet here was a man looking for him to gather men and fight and die in her name. What did that Menelaus’ lost wife had to do with him, he was her husband he should sail there and demand her back, by himself. But he supposed having most if not all of the Greek kingdoms fighting for her would pressure the Trojans into giving her back. He had to think about it.
The mysterious man who he had come to know as Odysseus glinted something sharp and intelligent in his eyes. He liked it, this man was sly. Clever generals were the best to win wars.
Fuck it why not, it wasn’t as if Diomedes had anything better to do. Instead of growing old with his harpy of a wife shrieking in his ear daily, he would gain glory for his kingdom and possibly his bloodline. If only that lazy harpy would stop pestering for jewelry and silks and bear him a son.
Hades, maybe they even had a chance for that coward Menelaus to get his wife back. Ha, Diomedes smelt blood on the horizons. Thousands would die for Helen, maybe if he was lucky enough they would even write a song about him. Wasn’t that what all men desired.
Glory“Mhm, Achilles wait,” Patroclus panted out, Achilles stopped immediately, his slicked thighs resting on either side of him. The vial was tossed on the wayside.
“What’s the matter? Did I hurt you?” Patroclus drew a breath, shaking his head lightly.
“No, Achilles I merely need a moment you’re going a bit too fast.” His face reddened instantly.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-,” he babbled. Gods he was so eager to have him in his embrace that he was harming him.
Patroclus giggled. Achilles was always so careful with him so sweet, gentle. Terrified of hurting him in any fashion. Recently if he had even the smallest bruise from their lovemaking, wouldn’t touch him until it healed. This is why they had yet to go beyond this, he was afraid of crossing that boundary.
“You have never hurt me, ‘chilles. I only needed a moment to catch my breath, you’re fine. Don’t worry so much, hmm,” he said drawing his face until it rested perfectly against his. Their shared breath only made his blood run hotter.
“Come back, I welcome you to. I’m fine,” he whispered. Achilles only hesitated further, Patroclus refrained from sighing. Gods, he loved how gentle he was, but at times he was permitted to be rough. Patroclus flipped them so that Achilles was the one straddling him.
Giving an experimental thrust upward, “How does this feel?” he asked, gritting his teeth. Fuck this felt good, never would he grow tired of this. The sound Achilles made was even more enticing.
“Go-od,” Achilles all but whimpered, biting at his lip to prevent crying out any louder. Patroclus smirked up at him from the grass, his dark hair a puddle around his head. Hera, his mouth was dry. He had no right to look so… so tempting.
“This is how I feel, you aren’t hurting me in the least,” Patroclus explained, hands coming to rest at his waist, “ and if you were, I would let you know. Promise.” He thrusts again this time much slower, before stopping. Achilles’ eyes snapped back open, glanced down Patroclus’ red lips greeted him in a smirk.
“Mhm, stop teasing and fuck me,” he gritted out, trying to slide back down against him. Patroclus nearly raised an eyebrow in surprise. Achilles swore, he actually swore. Gods, that was attractive he wasn’t going to lie, as princes weren’t usually the type to swear. Even less his Achilles.
While he held him in place, it was merely a formality Achilles could move if he wanted to.In their mad rush to uncork the vial, Patroclus spilled most if not half of it on Achilles. Causing them both to fall into a fit of giggles.
“Are you sure?” Patroclus asked him for what felt like the millionth time.
“I’m very sure,” he drawled. Patroclus sucked in a breath.
“I just don’t want to hurt you.” Achilles shook his head, spreading his legs out wider to give him more room. Patroclus gently settled himself more comfortably between them, in hand the vial.
“You won’t,” if anything Achilles was more likely to hurt him. Injuries and illness had never been a worry for him because by the next day they would be gone.Patroclus uncorked the vial and spread such a generous amount across his fingers, he couldn’t help but laugh.
“You’re going to use the entire vial at this rate,” Achilles said using his elbows to lean up. Curious, they had done this before, but this was the first they were going beyond thighs. He wanted to know just how much it could hurt his love before he put Patroclus through that. And perhaps to confirm the whispers of the boys around the palace.
“We have more,” he returned fingers fully coated in the oil. Patroclus looked at him with such gentleness, he nodded.
Achilles winced at the intruding feeling, it wasn’t uncomfortable just strange.
“Do you want-?” Patroclus asked.
“I’m fine.” He just needed a moment, for his body to adjust. Patroclus sensing his discomfort leaned down to kiss him.
“Mmh,” he moaned when he felt Patroclus quirk the finger inside him. He wanted more.
“Should I?" The uncomfortable sensation was lending itself to a much more pleasurable one.
“Mmh, yes.” he panted out.
Patroclus added another finger, he had to be careful as he didn’t want to harm him in any way.He started slow but Achilles was soon dictating the pace, sliding back and forth against his fingers. Perhaps they could finally cross that boundary, he wasn’t against Achilles taking him.The ships were ready, the men ready, and at the signal their captain gave orders. He was going to be in a war, prophesied to be the greatest of them all. A war that could make one great and rich. If it made him rich then he would send everything back home to his mother and sister, as he was the man of the house now.
“ROW, MEN. PUT YOUR BACKS INTO IT”
Hestia, Goddess of the Hearth. I humbly ask for your protection over my loved ones. I have no offering to give as of now, but when I arrive safely I will make one to you. Hestia heard the young soldier’s plea, it was a shame he would not survive this war past the first year. Fear not, I will care for them, they will not know unhappiness under my protection. Summer was in the air, the heat turning everything so soft and lazy. Everything was slow, kisses and touches were exchanged in the early morning in the coolness of their room before lessons.

Lazy afternoons after lessons were spent exploring bodies with hands and mouths. Finding out what they liked, and what they disliked. Achilles hated to be teased, so he could only toy with him for so long before being pinned completely at his mercy. Patroclus had come to discover that he liked when Achilles left marks on him, they gave him a sense of belonging to him. It was such a shame he had to cover them, lest Chiron catch them. However, Achilles had grown bold lately leaving them in places where they could nearly be seen. Places where his tunic didn’t cover, almost if he wanted them caught.If Chiron had noticed their new intimacy, he didn’t comment on it. But still, he couldn’t help but worry.
So he posed his nagging thoughts to Achilles.
“Do you think he will be angry?” Achilles faced him pausing in his work of picking olives. Chiron had sent them out to gather more as they were running low on olive oil. Gods, if only he knew the reason.
“Who?”
“Chiron.” Achilles shrugged.
“About what?”
“Us.”
“He isn’t.” He was sure that Chiron knew about them already but was too gracious to say anything. However, if he told Patroclus this he might grow shy, and he didn’t need to be shy.
“And if he is, what does it matter.” His assurance hadn’t stopped Patroclus from fretting still, Achilles sighed going over to him, taking him completely in his arms.
“What if he tells your father?” Patroclus whispered from the cocoon of his arms. Again his beloved had nothing to fear, his father probably already knew. After all, he had been quite possessive of Patroclus when they were growing up. Relationships between young men were expected but looked down upon after a certain age, and he planned to never let Patroclus be separated from him by that age.
“He won’t,” he assured again. Fingers going to trace along Patroclus’ collarbone, before nuzzling against his throat.
“If he does, it doesn’t matter because I’m not going to stop being with you,” nipping at the place, “ They can try as they like but I’m never letting you go.” That was a promise, Patroclus was his and he was his. None one, not even the Gods would tear them apart.
Patroclus’ breathing picked up a little at his declaration. He felt heat slowing his brain, and soon he would no longer be able to think straight. Not like this anyway.
“What about your mother? Achilles, she would be furious if she found out.” Achilles stopping mouthing at his neck to meet his eyes.
“But she won’t because she can’t see us here,” he singsonged. Patroclus broke away from his grip just a little. His hand still gripping his forearm.
“Achilles be serious, what if she did find out somehow?” Achilles tilted his head at the question as if contemplating how to answer it. He loved when he did that taking his concerns seriously.
“Don’t worry what's the worst she could do? Kidnap me? ”Achilles shrugged. He said this as a joke, but Patroclus knew of Thetis’ nature. She would not take him being with her son well, she only tolerated it because he was under Chiron’s protection. If she was ever given a chance she would kill him, thus he had no doubt.Patroclus didn’t voice this instead he smiled. The day was too beautiful to be spoiled by such a thought.
“Do you care if they would be angry?” he asked quietly almost shyly. Yes. Again he couldn’t voice this. He was be lost if Chiron or King Peleus ever found fault with him. Patroclus wasn’t like Achilles he could never just brush off others’ disapproval especially those who treated him as a son. But Achilles was awaiting an answer.
“No,” he said, it was part truth and part lie. He would be crushed by their disapproval but wouldn’t let them separate him from his other half. Achilles had already chosen to him over their disapproval, he would too.
“Good,” Achilles breathed, tucking himself back in his lap. Patroclus reached out to play with the wisps of hair at his temple. Achilles purred like a contented cat, letting his eyes fall close. His delicate features are illuminated by the sun. It was times like these he was reminded just how young he and Achilles were. Yet, so much was already being pressed onto them. After a few moments, he found Achilles was asleep, breathing deep and steady.
Patroclus too let the peace of the grove around him take him into sleep.“Hmm, no,” Patroclus muttered. Achilles sighed trying to wake him up. If he failed this time then he would just carry him back. The once peaceful grove was beginning to hold a sinister feeling to it, which is why Master Chiron always wanted them home before dark. He had warned them not everything in this mountain was peaceful or even hospitable to mortals. This place while a refuge was also a haven for monsters. Achilles would never fear such beasts, but Patroclus could be hurt by them. Eaten by them, he needed to get him out of here, now.
“Patroclus wake up, it’s growing dark,” he urged him once more. Patroclus made another noise of protest, and at last, he was met by dark eyes peering up at him.
“Achilles?” he questioned,” how long-.” Patroclus didn’t even get to finish before Achilles scooped him and the basket into his arms. His quick strides almost a run.
“Just wait until we get home, okay? It isn’t safe here for you, we stayed out too late,” he panted out. Patroclus would have argued with him had he not seemed so frantic.
“Okay.” The moment they returned home, they smelled the aroma of dinner. Warm and spicy, his stomach growled at the thought. Achilles presented Chiron with the basket of olives and he raised an eyebrow but said nothing about how they had broken curfew again. They would get their lecture and punishment after dinner, he supposed.
“Go wash up, and Patroclus please place this in the herb room. Thank you.” Patroclus accepted the basket, wandering to the drying room.
Once he had left, Achilles braced himself for another lecture about Patroclus and how he must be careful with him. Chiron took a breath when the table was set, and he found Chiron’s gaze fixed on him. No lecture, just a reminder, and every time his heart squeezed at it. How much more fragile Patroclus was, how he was always one slip from losing him.
When Patroclus returned he found Chiron and Achilles engaging in light conversation. Settling next to their master, and after taking the first sip of his stew he felt warm. Whether it was from the spices or just being with his family. He was happy, the happiest he had been in years. Things were so peaceful. Achilles sent him a soft from across the table, passing him the bread.
Content. He absolutely content with this.Achilles’ mouth pressed hungrily against his, from the moment Chiron dismissed them for bed they were eager to continue this afternoon’s activity. His own hands were reaching to undo his tunic but the pins were giving him trouble. Achilles huffed at his mouth before undoing them for him. Patroclus wasted no time pulling his own away.
They tumbled into bed, hands, and mouths eager. Patroclus found himself looking down at Achilles, whose eyes gleamed in the low light of the room. His only warning before he found himself back flat against the bed and his lover nipping up his thighs. Patroclus nearly stopped him before he felt a warm tongue tracing upwards.
“Ngh-,” he panted out, feeling Achilles smirk against his skin.
“Feels good?” He muttered, moving his mouth back on him. Patroclus was going to lose it at this point. Everything was too much, this was too much Achilles’ mouth was too hot.
“Wait, I’m close,” he grits out, at last, Achilles just hummed. Crying out he came with a quiet cry.
When he drew back, Patroclus' mouth was on his again. Achilles’ golden strands gripped in his grasp. Achilles pulled away from him, but once again he nipped his lips softly.
“Now it’s my turn, let me take care of you,” Patroclus whispered, hands wandering to his groin. Achilles groaned throwing back his head lightly.
Patroclus took that as a sign to pick up the pace, deciding to tease him a little. While his pace had increased, Patroclus slowly eased a knee between them. Achilles was too far gone to realize that they were nearly that point again.
Good Gods, Achilles was stunning in Selene’s rays, hair coiling and twisting on their pillows like golden snakes. Almost as if in a trance, he leaned down leaving trailing kisses down his body until he reached his cock. Patroclus let his tongue coyly taste him, just the barest hint before taking the tip into his mouth. The reaction was instantaneous. Achilles bucked up so violently, he had to place his hands at his thighs to stop him. Feeling emboldened by his reaction, let himself take him in deeper.
Achilles bit down hard on his lip, unconsciously threading his fingers into those dark curls. Patroclus’ rhythm was never set or steady it was as if. Oh, for the Gods’ sakes he was toying with him. He wiggled slightly hoping Patroclus would ease up his merciless pacing. Patroclus did, by stopping completely. Right as he was at the height. Achilles’ lips parted to protest only to be recaptured by Patroclus’ plush lips.
Patroclus shivered slightly when Achilles’ calloused hands cupped the small of his back, deepening the kiss. His touch always seared into his very core, leaving him feeling very much like clay to be molded to his pleasing. With only a sliver of space between them, Patroclus whispered, “Take me.”
Achilles answered his statement with another searing kiss, leaving him even more intoxicated.
This time when they parted for air, Achilles posed a question, “Are you sure?,” he asked caressing his fingers along his nape, enjoying the way he shivered.
Patroclus shifted and pulled something from beyond his sight. A cool feeling pressed against his heated skin before it was brought back into his field of vision.
A vial, glinted in the low light of the room.
The same vial his lover had forgotten.
“I’m and I have the vial,” Patroclus breathed at his ear, “I’ll be fine.”
Achilles considered it a moment, letting his thumbs run soft circles into his hips. Patroclus was patient with him, and by patient. He was impatient, wanting nothing more than to kiss him to sway his decision.
Fortune, however, was smiling upon him because Achilles was kissing him with renewed vigor. Fingers gripping his hips, he kissed him back with equal vigor.Being opened up had hurt, but not as much as this. Nothing could compare to the feeling of being split in what felt like in half. Patroclus's eyes watered while he tried not to cry. Gods, it hurts so much. Achilles stopped to brush his tears away and tried not to move too much.
“I’m hurting you, we need to stop,” Achilles was starting to pull away from him, but instead he brought him closer. Patroclus heard every breath Achilles took, how his heart hammered in his chest. He was nervous, him too. They both were. Everything was so new between them.
“I’m okay, I promise it doesn’t hurt,” but it did hurt, it hurt so much. It hurt because he had never been opened by something bigger than his fingers. They were fumbling around in the dark, and even though he was well slicked and stretched, Achilles accidentally pushed into his cunt, instead. Patroclus forced himself to take a deep breath and not panic. He would hate him if he knew.This was not the way he had imagined his first time to go. Achilles, bless him was being so gentle, Patroclus tried to widening his legs to give him more access, to ease the discomfort.
“Wait,” he panted, “ I need only a moment.” Achilles held perfectly still.
Sighing he drew Achilles even closer, wrapping his arms tightly around his neck. Patroclus tried not to move too much, he was too big. Any small shift, had him wincing. After some time he wiggled a bit, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip. Oh, Gods above. Pain instantly melted away into pleasure.
“Move,” panting, he wanted to chase the feeling. Achilles still hadn’t moved, Patroclus felt the way his heartbeat fluttered rapidly against his chest.
“Achilles, you can,” he said, eyes fluttering shut a bit.
“Are you sure?,” his warm breath tickling his neck, "I don't want to hurt you any," Patroclus answered him by pulling him down for a kiss.
“I’m sure,” he said once more as they parted.
Achilles pulled back ever so slightly to admire him, even teary-eyed he was beautiful. But never again, did he want to see cry again. For he would make it his mission to make him joyful every day they were together.
The constellations of the stars reflected in the pool of his brown eyes. Achilles kissed the tear off his cheek.
“I love you,” Achilles breathed, obeying him.
“And I you,” Patroclus repeated softly. His face contoured briefly in pain, before, it relaxed.A small smear of blood meet his sight when he had gotten up, it had hurt but that was to be expected for his first time. Next time it wouldn't be so painful or so he hoped. Stretching a bit, wondered if he could lie back down for a few more moments, just a few more moments. His body chose him, as he snuggled back into Achilles’ pillow. It still smelled like him. Sand wood and pomegranates.Mhm. He would make up his chores later, Patroclus let his eyes fall close again.Chiron was curious as he hadn't seen Patroclus all morning and when prompted Achilles gave only vague answers.
Shaking his head and he let them be, slacking off now and then was fine. Because usually, Patroclus was right up with him at the crack of dawn working to improve his healing or archery before lessons. Achilles would come too, occasionally when it suited him. Or when Patroclus nagged him enough.
Chiron chuckled to himself, his students never ceased to amuse him with their antics. Let them enjoy childhood a little longer.
After Chiron's probing, Achilles raced back to their room. There on their bed was Patroclus still asleep.
Achilles decided not to wake him but laid beside him. Patroclus sighed a little, but didn't stir.
Taking him into his arms, Achilles just breathed in his scent. Gods, he still smelled like sex. Not to mention the bitemarks down his neck that made him want to leave even more marks on him.
Achilles blinked, pushing such thoughts away. He had already exhausted Patroclus to the point, he slept in most of the morning. Patroclus shifted from his arms as if he sensed his possessive nature.
Or maybe he wasn't feeling well. Patroclus did tend to get somewhat ill each month. Minor things like colds and such. Gods he hoped not, hoping that Patroclus had only been sore.His heart raced as he willed his feet to carry him as far from Achilles as possible. It wasn’t fair that he caught him every time.
After finding a path by the berries, he waited quietly sneaking a few off the branches.
Just when he thought he was safe, a hand reached around his wrist as he reached for another one.
“Achilles!” he shouted when Achilles stole the very berry from his fingers.
“Hello again,” Achilles greeted ever cheeky, chewing it. Patroclus pouted only slightly because he had known it would only be a matter of time before he caught him.
Still, it didn’t stop him from sullenly placing the victor’s kiss on his cheek instead of his mouth.
“Don't’ be sullen,” Achilles said pretending to be solemn, “That wasn’t what we agreed to.”
Patroclus huffed and both of them were laughing.
“There’s your lovely smile, it suits you much more,” he teased capturing his chin a moment before letting go.
“Shut up,” Patroclus shot back with no heat. Achilles grinned at him, that familiar cat’s smile. A cat that had gotten a very juicy rat.
“Make me.” Patroclus thought about it, a moment before leaning in to kiss him. Or at least let him think he was about to be kissed.
Achilles’ eyes fluttered closed and he leaned slightly to the left, letting him kiss the dirt instead. Unfortunately, Achilles caught onto his trick and he found himself caged in his arms. Achilles said nothing only letting his eyes speak for him. Hesitantly, his lips pressed against his. Threading his fingers into those golden curls, Patroclus deepened it.
It was easy to fall into the rhythm of letting their tongues slide and slip against each other. Even easier for his lover to press him into the soft grass.
Patroclus even felt a little drunk, hips meeting his to get even more contact between them. Achilles had forgotten himself, fingers gripping his waist enough to leave a few bruises the thought made him even wetter. Gods, he was maddeningly close.
“Achilles,” he keened trying to bite his lip to stifle his moans, “ please~.”
“Mm, Patroclus,” Achilles responded. His thrusts were becoming more and more erratic. He was so close, they both were.
Aphrodite above, Patroclus was gorgeous. He desired him but would not act on it if there was a chance he could hurt him. Patroclus encircled his arms around his neck as he tried to catch his breath.
“Why did you stop?” he slurred against him. Gods, above it, had felt so amazing
“Did you bring the vial?” Achilles asked against his neck, cutting through his hazed thoughts. Shit, he knew had forgotten something. They would be fine without it
“No.” he conceded at last. Achilles moved to draw away from him. Patroclus held him for a moment.
“You can just..” Gods, he was too embarrassed to say. That they didn’t need it his body was perfectly capable of taking him without oil... He had before.
“We don’t need it.”
“We do, it’s just to be safe,” Achilles argued. Patroclus just sighed to himself, but Gods how could he ever hope to tell him.
Instead, he rested his forehead against Achilles, a moment that felt like an eternity passed. Patroclus could feel the sweat between them cool as their passions had.
“You have no idea how much I love you Patroclus,” Achilles confessed, his usually bright eyes dark with an emotion he couldn’t place.
“Sometimes it scares me how much I love you. How I will do anything and everything to see you happy. To see you smile. ” How I would kill for you. Die for you. “Gods, I’m so protective of you that often I feel as if I’m too possessive.”
Patroclus felt his lips forming a smile. He had been absolutely terrible as a child, jealous if he so much left his sight. Achilles always wanted him at his side, keeping his eyes on him. And he would always be by his side.
“H-,” Patroclus silenced him by pressing his lips back against his.
“No more talking,” he teased, still cradling his face, “I love you Achilles, and nothing will ever change that. You only want to see me safe, and I know how stubborn and foolhardy I can be. How crazy I must drive you with my antics,” he breathed, taking in the surprised look of his emerald eyes. Achilles’ blush was the sweetest thing he had ever seen. Would ever see.
“You do drive me mad, but not for the reason you think,” Achilles breathed, fingers trailing once again around his waist.
“Oh~ then pray tell how I do that,” Patroclus asked coyly. Eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks.
“Better yet, I can show you."Yet another afternoon they had spent wrapped up in each other, and Patroclus regretted not one moment. He just couldn't as Achilles pressed soft, tender kisses against his neck. He just couldn't. Patroclus sighed contentedly, leaning his neck up to give him more room.
Wishing it could be like this always, but it couldn't. They were always destined to be apart, but for now, he would try to be content with this. Gods, he was greedy. Why couldn't he just be happy with this? Be happy that Achilles was his for now.They exchanged kisses on their way home, each one longer than the last. When Patroclus parted from him, his dark curls were still messy from earlier. Achilles plucked a stray leaf from his hair. Patroclus laughed when he presented it to him.
“You have one too,” he pointed out. Leaning down he expected his lover to pull it out instead he was pulled him into another kiss.
Achilles drew away breathless,“ Did I?” Patroclus’ eyes gleamed with mirth.
“Maybe.”
Then he was off, Achilles chuckled to himself. Hadn’t he learned by now that he was Apollo and that he was Daphne? This was a game which he would never win, but he was generous. His head start had been nothing, he would catch up to him easily in no time.His students had come back so noisy, Chiron couldn’t help but chuckle and shake his head. It was good to have a full and noisy home again. But if the news he had received from Peleus was true, his students were soon to be parted from him. He worried for them, as much as he wished they could stay. Achilles was already to be hailed as the greatest warrior in all of Greece. And Patroclus…he already knew would follow Achilles to the ends of Earth if that was what was needed. No amount of offering him refuge and knowledge would persuade him. They were fated, and fated pairs were never to be parted. The two of them were two separate bodies that shared the same soul. A bond that not even the Gods could break.
He had known it from the moment that Achilles insisted that they waited for Patroclus before they ascended the mountain. When prompted how he knew that Achilles only told him, “He’ll be here, I know he will.”
And when he had, Chiron decided it would be cruel to send Patroclus away. He let him stay, regardless of Thetis’s wraith. They were safe her from her and others under his protection. However, that did not mean the mountain was safe from spies, he had already caught two or three nymphs and dryads wandering too close to his students. He said nothing to his students of that but only forbids them from going too far. A rule that Achilles broke to frequently for his liking.
He had burnt the letter, it could be delayed just a little longer. He had sent far too many young men to their deaths, just this once he wanted to delay the terrible fate that awaited his pupils. Chiron closed his eyes.
Asclepius, Aristaeus, Aeneas, Actaeon, Caeneus, Theseus, Jason, and Hercules, their young faces haunted him. He had given them the tools they needed and what had it gotten them. Their lives serving as amusement to the Gods full of torment.
Just this once to absolve him of his guilt, Chiron wanted to pray but to who? The Fates and Gods had already ordained it. It was prophecy and one could not avoid the Fates. Peleus’ letter was proof that the prophecy was coming to ahead. Men were coming to seek Achilles’ skill and right at his side would be Patroclus. They were destined to die young and in a foreign land for a woman called the Most Beautiful Woman in the World
“ I won.” Chiron smiled sadly.
Yes, but that day would not be today. Nor would it be tomorrow.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

In one of her rare lucid moments, Philomena snuck away to see her son. She had to see him if only it was this one time. So she stole him away in the night to her chambers. Gods, he was so tiny, perfect in her arms.
She prayed that his nurse would not awake and find him away from his cradle, in her arms as she wandered the dark halls. Her husband forbid her from seeing Patroclus afraid she would pass her madness to him if only he knew.
Her little prince was so beautiful, she could scarcely believe that she had carried such a beautiful child in her womb. Her fingers traced at his smooth and soft skin, Patroclus stirred a little but didn’t wake. His curls were dark and soft as could be, cheeks rosy and full, and his little mouth formed the prettiest pout. She could see when he was grown that he would steal hearts galore. Perfect he was absolutely perfect, the most beautiful babe she had ever seen. To make it all the sweeter nothing of that beast of a husband in him. She closed her eyes a moment at least something good had come from that night.
All the pain she endured to have him, screaming for hours in labor to bring him into the world only for him to be taken from her. For a pillow to be placed in her arms, a pillow. While she hadn’t been all there for his birth, she had seen it from within, herself almost.
How she had wanted to cry when they took him. A pillow is what she had to cradle. A babe needed their mother, she wanted to be the one to hold him, nurse him, play with him. Not a village woman hired by her miserable oaf of a husband. She wanted to be with her son, always. Not when she was permitted. She didn’t want to hold a stuffed pillows, she wanted her son. Her little prince.

No, Philomena no tears, not tonight. He is here in your arms your little one. The Gods have sought to give you this moment with him don’t squander it.

He was here in her arms. Her sweetest babe. She would hold and sing to him for as long as the night would allow her.
When the moon rose high enough that the shadows were visible in her room, she realized it was time. Philomena quietly began to take Patroclus back to his nursery, not wanting to push her luck with both her sanity and him being discovered missing.
“Goodnight, my little prince. I love you,” she whispered, kissing his forehead and pulling the covers around him. Patroclus stirred once more as if answering her. Her heart while heavy, she knew she had to leave.
Philomena knew her little babe was meant to do great things. It was his destiny. She only prayed that the Gods would let her live to see the day that her son became great- she stopped.
Wait, where had she been? She looked around for a moment, where was she? Where was he? Wait, who was he? It was dark here, she didn’t like the dark. Philomena sat with her back against the wall. Where a guard found her the next morning.
“Poor woman, they say she was trying to see the prince.”
“Alas, our queen is mad, it is such a shame as she is such a beauty,” they whispered as if she couldn’t hear them.
As they prepared her for another day, Philomena wanted to cry and scream in frustration. She was trapped in her mind, aware but not always there. A torment that she would wish on few, even her greatest enemies. A single tear dropped into the vanity below.
Patroclus, she wanted to see her son.

Patroclus.

My baby, I want to see him

He shot up in a cold sweat, Achilles' soft breathing continued. Patroclus eased himself away from his lover to take some air.It had been so vivid as if the sands had been between his toes and the reassuring warmth of his mother's hand. The briny smell of the sea.Years, it had been years since his mother died, and yet now he dreamed about her. The soft melodies she hummed to him, ones he often found himself humming while doing chores. More often than not Achilles would set it to a tune on her lyre from him." Lullabies ", he thought. One of the few ways they had communicated. Gods and to think he had been so hateful towards her embarrassed, to have such a mother. His mother had been simple but she had loved him in the best way she knew. Love that he had never received from his father but always craved and chased after. To the point, he had never appreciated her. All that she did for him, and he had thrown it all the way.His last memory of her was at a feast. Eyes darkened with kohl and her ringlets framed around a golden circlet. She had always been beautiful. How he wished he could have inherited just a fraction of her beauty so that he wasn't so plain. While he had inherited his mother's dark complexion and curls. Hers were always tamed in uniform ringlets, his was a bird's nest that could never lie flat. Her light brown eyes tilted up in an almost almond shape. His were too round and dark from what he had viewed in his washing pitchers.Gods, his mother was so beautiful, and standing at her side like this he felt as if she could have been a normal mother. But she wasn't, no matter how her handmaidens dressed her he and his father knew the truth.Now he wished for her, wishing he hadn’t been so cruel to her. He wanted his mother, he felt scared for no explainable reason only that he felt as if he needed her."Patroclus?," Achilles' rough sleep laden voice called softly to him, " Come back to bed."Patroclus sighed but came over to him and was wrapped back up in his warm arms. "What's the matter? Another nightmare?""No it was a good dream, it felt so real as if she was right there with me."
"His mother," Achilles thought, "He was dreaming of his mother."
"I'm glad it was a good dream," he said, kissing his forehead."Yeah, it was," he sighed, " I miss her so much," sniffling. How Achilles hated when Patroclus became upset, never did he want to see him in distress or pain. "I know, love. I know, "he soothed. Suddenly Patroclus just felt so overwhelmed, he just couldn't contain his tears.
Mother.

I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.
Something was off about Patroclus, he began to sleep more and more. It wasn’t his usually monthly illnesses, but something else. When Chiron released them from their lessons, he wanted to race. They raced, but Patroclus was slower than usual. Achilles was a demigod, it was expected that he was faster, but Patroclus usually kept up to an extent. Trailing but a few feet behind. However, today, he was well behind him. Well, it was the beginning of summer, so the weather could have been the cause.Spotting a few berries on the nearby bushes that were ripe gently he led him over. Patroclus agreed to eat a few, but when turned his back. Achilles found Patroclus passed out asleep under the shade of a nearby tree. He had exhausted him, so let him be. Popping a few into his mouth, debated if he should get Chiron. Before frowning Chiron would see all the marks on Patroclus know what they were up to and wouldn't approve. Not because of them being together, but because of how much stronger he was.Chiron chided him time after time about being gentle with him.
“Pelides, he isn’t like you. He can try as he likes to keep up with, but he is mortal. You are a demigod, you will always have that advantage over him. You must remember this, and not to mistreat him when he fails to keep up with you.”
He snorted at the memory. Never would he mistreat him, he loves him with every part of this being. Patroclus was his to cherish and protect. His everything, his very heart. Achilles would never hurt him. Ever.Settling next to him Achilles took his head into his lap, before lightly running his fingers through his curls. Patroclus didn’t even stir, still breathing deep and steady. It was far too early in the day to be sleeping, but he looked so tired. Perhaps he had been too rough. Gods, above why was he so damn clumsy with him. Something was off, but he couldn’t place it. He felt sleepy at all times even when he and Achilles snuck off to fool around, especially when they were together. Patroclus welcomed him still but was fine with letting him take the lead. Gods, it still felt amazing, but he was beginning to feel a little lightheaded and nauseous. Achilles must have noticed his expression and was off him immediately. Cupping his hands around his face, he glanced into his green eyes dazed. Maybe it was just the weather. Or it was nearly time for his bleeding to come, maybe that’s why he felt so off. “We’re stopping, I’m hurting you,” Achilles said, moving farther and farther away. All Patroclus wanted to do was pull him back.Achilles ran his fingers through his blond hair, no no he only did that when he was frustrated. Patroclus’ mouth ran away without recourse. “No, I don’t want to,” he said all but pouting. His lover tilted his head at him chewing at his bottom lip, to the point it bled. “And you aren’t hurting me you left me breathless and dizzy,” Patroclus leaned over, tugging at his bloody lip with his teeth, and if Achilles didn’t flush the perfect red. He had done that not the heat, but him. Forest green eyes looked him over in silent question of both assessment and permission. One he answered, by tugging him back down. It went on like that for some time, until he pulled back this time. That feeling had come back a little stronger.“Are you alright?” Achilles asked him once again. ” Yes, it’s just a bit hot,” it more than the heat, his stomach was twisting and turning. If this continued he would surely be ill. “It is time to go back to the coolness of our room,” Achilles suggested standing, holding his hand out for him. Patroclus took it feeling as if his whole body had been brought to a halt. Right when it happened.He puked into the grass, right at his feet. Achilles was at his side moving his hair out of reach. “Ugh, sorry,” he muttered finally feeling it pass. Achilles pulled him against him in support, before remembering the heat making him ill. It was probably best to let him have his space.Home sounded wonderful, but first, he had to rinse out his mouth.Patroclus knelt at the riverbank, realizing something.It had been days since he had last came here with his bleeding cloths. Slowly he brought his hands against him.Could it be?Patroclus still seemed sick, and this time Achilles wasn't taking any chances with him passing out. "Hey," Patroclus shouted surprised when he lifted him in his arms."You aren't feeling well so just relax. I'll take care of you, okay?"Patroclus sighed, but let him carry him until they got home. At the mouth of the cave, Achilles gently set him down on his feet."You alright?" Achilles asked him once again. Patroclus smiled," I'm fine, I think the heat got to me." Achilles scrutinized him a little more." Really, I'm fine, Achilles." Not really, he was possibly carrying their child. Gods, what could he say. " You should still lay down." Achilles would not let the issue go. Patroclus sighed but began walking to their room, but stopped turning once again to face him." I don't think I want to sleep alone. Come with me." His cheeks had taken a ruddy color, but his lips were curved into a smile.Achilles rolled his eyes, but followed him.He indulged him too much at times.“What do you think of children?,” Patroclus asked him out of the blue. Flowers sprawled around his head. Achilles was quiet, perhaps thinking over his answer.Patroclus waited for his answer with bated breath. Oh, he could hardly contain his excitement. A baby. Certain he was pregnant, his blood hadn’t come and often he felt fatigued and ill.Achilles glanced up at him from his lap. Why was he asking this all of a sudden? They were still young, there would be plenty of time for children and wives.Ugliness rose in him, jealousy was always his hardest emotion to control. As a prince, it was expected that he would have to marry a woman he didn’t love to have children. Patroclus too would marry, but his wife would fall for him instantly. Together they would have many children. His lover would be so lovely and sweet with children.Achilles wished they could always stay together always. Married and having children of their own, but that was a childish fantasy. He shouldn't have even been entertaining the idea but he couldn't help it. Children with Patroclus’ lovely eyes and a sweet smile. However, no matter how much he wished or prayed, nothing would come of his fantasy. It was simply something he would have to grin and bear. For now, Patroclus was his, but for how much longer?“I hate them,” he lied, sitting up. Achilles adored children. It’s just the thought of some aimless woman bearing Patroclus’ child drove him to despair. The very thought of Patroclus with anyone else could bring him to his knees. Patroclus’ face seemed to have paled a bit. “They’re annoying. I have no time for them,” Achilles elaborated, to at least soften the blow of his harsh words. Patroclus tried very hard to keep from bursting into tears. “I hate them ,” echoed in his mind. He was sitting here possibly with their child and his lover hated children. Would he think him unnatural for having his child? Banish him? Oh, Gods, how could he tell him now. Achilles would despise him and the child. His little babe. Oh, why hadn’t he been more careful?Patroclus sucked in a breath. “ What if it was my child?” he ventured. Achilles loved him, surely he could grow to love their child.Achilles studied him for a moment, before reaching out to brush back his stray curl, “ Then I would love them, nearly as much as I love you.” He swore it, even if such a thought killed him.Patroclus leaned his forehead into his, “I know you would.” Achilles’ lips captured his own.Not all was lost, he could show him when it came closer to his birthday. “ Eileithyia, please let it go well.”
Achilles please don’t hate me. I couldn’t bear it.
His bleeding hadn’t come, and it was without a doubt that he was with child. Patroclus had assumed that for a while since it had been weeks since he last bled. His hands found themselves against his belly once more, Achilles’ child. Barely containing his giggles. Pregnant, he was pregnant. Gods, he had been blessed. So blessed.Achilles, he wanted to tell him. No, he needed to tell him. Gods, a baby. Their baby.However he paused thinking back to Achilles’ heartbreaking response the other day. Perhaps he should wait at least until he was showing. Surely Achilles would keep his promise? To love the child that was a part of him.Patroclus wanted to be as close to him as possible. It may have come off as a bit clingy, but he didn't care. No matter the activity. When Achilles wasn’t with his mother, he was with him. Sleeping in the shade by the river together, picking and making flower crowns for each other, picking berries, swimming, kissing among other things.Still he hadn't gotten the nerve to tell him that he was having his child yet, but soon. He would tell him around his birthday., For now, he just wanted to have all of his love and attention, before… Patroclus sighed against him before he cursed him, and hated him.Patroclus was being so sweet to him, unbelievably sweet. Achilles felt as if they were newlyweds. He never strayed far from his side, and Achilles couldn’t keep his hands off him. Kisses started innocent enough, but the moment he blushed it was over. A hunger took over and he could hardly control himself. Plush red lips against his were truly perfect.Achilles broke the kiss to nuzzle at his nose. Patroclus drew a breath before biting at his bottom lip, Achilles took that as a sign to continue. His fingertips traced a path up his legs, only stopping at his inner thighs. Patroclus parted them easily never once breaking their kiss.Rolling him onto his back, Achilles marveled at how beautiful he was. How it seemed as if he glowed from within. “I love you”, he thought, “ From now until the end of eternity. Until we are nothing but dust.” This time, he uttered it aloud, “I love you.”Patroclus’ cheeks turned rosy in moments.“And I love you.”

As the summer stretched on, he found that Patroclus slept even more. He would nap in between lessons and chores when he became too sleepy, would come to find him, and ask him to sleep with him due to the heat.Only Achilles never actually went to sleep, he would instead keep watch over him. Watching how he sighed in contentment as he dreamed. “Beloved ,” he thought kissing his forehead, “my most beloved. ”It had been some time since she had seen Achilles’ lover come down to the river to wash his bloody clothes and stained sheets. Neria made a small note of it.They were lovers for they had spent much time frockling, around her river doing everything but swimming. Such a shame she had to report such things to Achilles’ mother. Thetis had instructed her to watch over her son and his lover for any changes. The biggest change of all was that Patroclus hadn’t bled yet this month, which meant he could be expecting a child. Thetis watched his cycle carefully so that no mistakes would come from their affair. However, it could be some time before reporting what she knew. Sometimes, it took some time before symptoms began to show.Patroclus was a kind child from what she had gathered and pretty, or at least pretty enough to keep Achilles’ attention. Poor child, she felt sorry for him if he was. He was too little for a child. A demigod’s child especially, childbirth would kill him.For his sake she hoped he would bleed in the next few days or else Thetis’ wrath would be great.Patroclus found himself stretched out across Achilles’ lap, his fingers brushing over the soft grass. It was so beautiful today, with the weather cool for once. Glancing up found Achilles’ features soft as he brushed through his curls. Which was surely a mess due to the flowers in them. “Name one hero who was happy,” Achilles breathed suddenly, plucking a flower from his curls.Patroclus thought for a moment. Theseus lost his bride; Jason’s new wife and children were murdered by the old, Hercules went mad and slaughtered his family; Bellerophon killed the Chimera but was crippled by the fall from Pegasus’ back.He couldn't."You can't," Achilles sat up bringing him with him. Patroclus leaned into him, Gods above he was tired, he didn’t know if it was the heat or his baby."I can't," he told him."I know. They never let you be famous AND happy." He lifted an eyebrow. "I'll tell you a secret.""Tell me." Patroclus loved it when he was like this. Loved the way his eyes gleamed with mystery and fire."I'm going to be the first." Achilles took his hand and held in his. "Swear it.""Why me?" His lover could be so mysterious at times."Because you're the reason. Swear it.""I swear it," he said, lost in the high color of Achilles' cheeks, the fire in his eyes."I swear it," Patroclus echoed. Resisting the urge to place his hands at his belly, then pull Achilles’ hands to rest on his belly and say, “ I have news to share, news that hopefully will make you even more joyful. I’m carrying your child.” Achilles' pink lips tilted up in a blinding smile, "I feel like I could eat the world raw, with you at my side” before he leaned over to kiss him.Gods, he was so in love with him. Their kiss grew more and more heated before they parted. This would be the perfect moment to tell him.Patroclus’ lips went to form the words, “Achilles, I’m-,”When everything fell quiet, dread-filled his stomach. Thetis was here. Curse all the Gods, why now. At this moment.Achilles turned to him, question in the tilt of his mouth. When he felt it too.Green eyes glanced at him in apology, “ My mother-,”“I know,” Patroclus said pecking his cheek, rising “I’ll see you later.”Perhaps he would lie down for a while. Ah, but Chiron probably had lessons or potions to brew. Patroclus sighed at the thought.“Mother,” he greeted, he was happy to see her. Just not at this moment.“My son ,” his mother returned, “ Are you well?”Achilles smiled a bit, so it was to be a short visit, “I’m, mother. I trust you have been well.”“I have been well, my son,” as his mother said this she cupped his face. Achilles refrained from flinching her fingers were freezing.“You have grown up so well, I’m proud of you my son.” She released his face from her icy grip to settle on a fallen tree. Ah, so this wasn’t to be a short visit.Of all the days, this was the day his mother wanted to speak with him. “Thank you mother,” he replied slightly bashful. Still, it was nice to hear praise from his mother, as she rarely gave it out. His mother gestured for him to sit. He did“But my son, I think your time on this mountain has come to an end.” At this his heart dropped. No, it couldn’t be time already, he should still have another year or two with Patroclus and Chiron. He was happy here, happier than he had been at the palace.However if he was to come out right and say this his mother would be furious with him. She would be even more livid if the cause was mostly his lover. He had to be careful.“Mother, I feel as if I still have so much more to learn. Chiron is teaching me so much, I can benefit from having more time here,” Achilles tried not to put any pleading into his voice, or else his mother wouldn’t agree.Thetis refrained from narrowing her eyes, she knew exactly why her son was trying to buy more time. Coupled with what now she knew about Patroclus, it was time for her to separate them before that slut became pregnant.“How much more time?” She posed the question so casually, but Achilles heard and saw the current of displeasure in her voice and tightness in her lips.“A few more months, I have nearly mastered the art of surgery.” He wasn’t foolish enough to ask his mother for another year.His mother appeared to mull over his answer. A few more months would give her plenty of time to keep him hidden from Athena’s view. Her little champion, Odysseus was a crafty one and she did not like how he planned to steal her son. Achilles was just becoming a man, and she wasn’t quite ready to part with her child so soon. But one day she must.“I’ll speak with your father, but know this, my son. You are privileged that you have remained here for this long. Your father will not take this as well as I have.” She lied, rising and adjusting her skirts. Peleus had no say over a goddess. Achilles almost took a breath of relief but caught himself at the last minute. His mother’s black hair danced in the summer breeze as she walked down the path. Suddenly she paused, turning to face him once more eyes solemn, “For my son, no hero has remained under Chiron’s tutelage this long. I know not if this means you are favored or...”Nevermind, it was better not to poison the air with superstitions. For now, he was safe here, even with that boy.“Mother?” her son asked her softly. She shook her head.“Nothing my son. I shall worry about it, go back to your lessons.”“Yes, mother,” Achilles responded, arms crossed. Would it be so awful for her to hug him or kiss his forehead? Show him some form of affection, beside assess him like some sort of a prized possession.Achilles came back quiet and strange, he hated how it seemed as if Thetis had sucked his previous joy from his face.Patroclus didn’t question him in time Achilles would tell him. Secrets had never been their way. “Love,” he called to him quietly, Achilles blinked at him, cheeks reddening. Patroclus had never called him that before.“Yes, love,” he responded liking the way it rolled on his tongue. “Come to bed, it’s late.” Achilles wanted to argue that it was only early evening, but the heat had been making everything so sluggish, and his mother’s visit always made him tired.Joined him on their bed, he expected Patroclus to cuddle himself into his arms and promptly fall asleep. Patroclus instead had both his thighs resting on either side of his waist. He couldn’t help the smirk that made its way to his face. “If you had desired me, you only need to say so," Achilles teased hands already trailing upwards. Oh, Aphrodite, he could lay worship at his thighs for all of eternity.Patroclus hummed at him, “I did, I told you to come to bed.” Achilles ran his hands up his thighs enjoying the way he shivered. “What about our teacher?” Achilles mused, “he’s right in the next room.” Patroclus huffed at him as if that had ever stopped them. For the Gods’ sakes, Achilles had once pinned him a table in the library and they hadn’t been caught.“I can be quiet.” Achilles wanted to snort, Patroclus was hardly ever quiet.“Can you?”Achilles was being such an ass he wasn’t that loud. Fine then. “Nevermind, I’ve changed my mind,” he said sliding off him. Patroclus turned away from him, “Goodnight.”Achilles stared at his back wondering what he had said wrong? “Goodnight?”If he wasn’t sleeping, Patroclus felt like crying most if not all the time. He was miserable, being plagued by both the beginning of both morning sickness and nightmares.Nightmares of his father screeching at him "YOU WHORE," his mother dying. Others of Achilles abandoning him and their baby. A tear dropped into the bucket below and more followed. Patroclus tried to calm himself, getting upset wasn’t healthy for him or his baby. It just hurt so much, why couldn’t he just tell him and be over with it. The worst Achilles would do is leave him, but his latest nightmare had felt so real.
“You freak.” Green eyes cold, “How can I ever love such an unnatural thing. Get rid of it.”
Nausea swept over him so quickly he had no choice but to use the bucket. Hurt his baby, he could never. Not even for the man he loves more than anything. “Love, are you alright?” Achilles called, startling him. He quickly crouched down to his level, just lightly extended his hands but Patroclus drew away from him. Even if it had been a dream, he was still shaken up by the cold and soulless look in his eyes. “I’m fine, Achilles. I promise, the heat just made me a little sick,” Patroclus said, wiping at his mouth. He wobbled a bit as he went to pitch the now filth water. The floors still needed to be cleaned.“You’re not and you shouldn’t be doing chores. Go lay down, I’ll finish up here.”“Achilles, I’m fine. I’ll go rest when I finish. I promise it was just the heat.” Patroclus took the bucket to the mouth of the cave to empty it. Then he supposed he would have to refill it and pitch it again so that the bucket was useable again. “By the Gods, you are stubborn,” Achilles hissed taking it from him. Patroclus stumbled startled but Achilles’ hand wrapped around his waist. He almost flinched again.“Go, rest. I mean it you look unwell. Please love.” Patroclus nodded, just wanting to be out of his presence.Patroclus finally left, he sighed refilling the bucket. After this, he would get something to settle his stomach. Patroclus had no idea how sick and tired he appeared, it was as if someone had stolen his joy. Achilles parted the curtains slightly, Patroclus was asleep but tears shone against his cheek. He set down the bowl instead of kneeling next to the bed. Fingers petting through those unruly curls. Patroclus’ wrinkled brow eased slightly.Achiles whispered “What can I do to make you happy again? Hm, tell me and I’ll do it. Anything to see you at ease.”He frowned, sighing, “Anything to make you well again. Please just tell me so I can fix it.”“ My lady, I have news to report….” Thetis felt the heat of it strumming across her blood. The pure and unbridled rage, so she had been too generous, too kind to that miserable whore by letting him live. The whore that was now carrying her son’s child. It wouldn’t do for her son to find out, Zeus only knew what that foolish son of hers would do. Marry that pathetic exile, and give up everything she had worked for. Achilles’ heart had been turned soft from his time among mortals, she should have taken him long ago. Had it not been for her oaf of a husband and her contract, she would have. Patroclus wasn’t good enough for her son, no mortal was. He had the potential to be her son’s downfall if she let him. She willed her face not to show her rage, dismissing her spy. Now what to do with the little harlot.Patroclus’ new strangeness escalated well past afternoon naps, and disappearing acts.Achilles had noticed his emotions tended to shift rather violently. He recalled when they went hunting one afternoon. How it had gone. Patroclus’ dark eyes filled with tears when he discovered they had killed a mother doe leaving her fawn alone. Achilles regretfully had to kill the little fawn as well, due to the fact it couldn’t survive without its mother. His lover knelt next to both, cradling the fawn in his hands humming to it as the light left its eyes. Only then had his sobs renewed.And at that moment Achilles had vowed to only kill rabbits from now on, to ease his tears. Patroclus had a soft heart, that much was true, but still, it was just jarring to see him react that badly to that situation. So when Patroclus was off doing whatever he did after dinner. Achilles asked Chiron if he had noticed something off about Patroclus. The centaur only shook his head, “He’ll tell you in time, Pelides don’t push him.” Leaving him with more questions, than answers.Achilles stared after him for a moment, feeling as he was missing something. Something very important.Chiron hadn’t wanted to brooch the subject with his student, but if Achilles’ suspicions were correct then his student was hiding. What he had already suspected for a long time, Patroclus was with child.Achilles, it seems was none the wiser. Why was Patroclus hiding this?Surely, he must know the dangers of such a pregnancy. Chiron would simply have to find a moment to sit down with him. Not force him to confess, but to gently lead him to tell Achilles on his own terms. This needed to go well because there was a risk to both his life and child’s. For now, he wouldn’t reveal what he knew to Achilles, it was Patroclus’ choice to tell him. Gods, they were so young. Too young for this.Patroclus wiped at his mouth shakily sitting back against the tree. Every day at dawn and sunset like clockwork, he went to find a quiet place. To vomit everything from dinner and sit in complete and utter misery, wishing he could tell him.It would certainly make his pregnancy more enjoyable, to be coddled in his attention, excited for their child. His hands went to his still flat belly, but it was best to keep it from him until he was showing. Hoping he wouldn’t reject him. However if he did reject him, he would raise their child here in the mountains. Never to bother him again. Patroclus blinked as tears started to form again, he prayed it wouldn’t come to that as his heart couldn’t take it.“Oh, mortal what have you done?” Neria whispered to herself. Pity, she felt nothing but pity for that child. To have a child by a demigod was a feat few women could survive even less a carrier. He was dead in more ways than one. Thetis already planned to end his life and the life of his child. She hadn’t reported it but another. Oh, Gods, that poor child, his poor child. All for his sin of daring to love Thetis' golden son.He was going to lose everything.
Mistress, why are you so cruel to this child? He has done little to bring your wrath. He is a naive child. A child in love. He knew no better. Spare him, please. Spare his little one. Find it in your heart. Please don’t do this. You will come to regret this.
It was too late. Thetis cared for few but her ambitious desire for her golden child. This was wrong, an innocent child was to be slaughtered in Achilles’ bid for glory. The first of many. Thetis would crush any obstacle underfoot, her own grandchild included.Gods, they were such cruel beings. Cruel children who broke and threw humans and other immortals away when they no longer served their purpose.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

With his bow aligned, he released it. A flawless shot. The arrow shot clear through the air, landing true in the hare. Patroclus bent over to collect his game, carefully tying a string around it. When he went to rise, found himself dizzy. Placing one hand to the ground to steady himself, it should be well past his morning sickness as he had become quite acquainted with his breakfast earlier.
At least from what little Chiron had taught him about pregnancy and childbirth. Chiron had again taken him off to the side when Achilles was with his mother. Taught him things about carriers, his menstruation, and pregnancy.
Chiron had given him a strange look when the topic of pregnancy came about. It wasn’t an unkind look, but one of profound concerns. As if afraid to explain how he could have a child. Afraid he would use the knowledge to do something foolish.
“You must be careful Patroclus, pregnancy for carriers is dangerous. They almost end in miscarriages and the death of both barer and child,” his soft brown eyes had held something he couldn't quite understand but felt fear clench his heart all the same.It was certain now that Chiron knew what he and Achilles did. Why else would he tell him of such things now? How they snuck out from his protection to have sex. Gods, did it feel amazing, how long they touched and tasted each other. However, it was much too late. His heart felt giddy, he was having his lover’s babe. From what Chiron had said about carriers, their first child was always a son. Gods was going to give him an heir. Patroclus didn’t care how dangerous it was, he was having Achilles’ babe.Placing a hand at his still flat belly, it wouldn’t be long before he began to show.
Gods, he prayed Achilles would be as excited as he was when he told him. That he wouldn’t be upset. Wouldn't hate him.Another wave of dizziness swept through him, and he found it hard to stay upright. Why was he feeling so dizzy all of a sudden? Maybe he needed to rest. So finding shade in a nearby tree rested against it. He just needed to ride out this bout of dizziness, finish hunting and then go and join Achilles. They could be alone before Chiron rounded them up for dinner.Sitting there for a few moments, it was as if everything had suddenly gone quiet, or perhaps it was his hearing. Everything sounded so dull, as if underwater. His dizziness was growing, he placed his hands at his head. Why did he feel so awful?
He was okay, it was going to be okay. They were going to be okay. Just breath.
When he found a point where his dizziness faded enough for him to weakly find purchase on the bark to stand.
Patroclus stood only for his legs to give out on him.
Bent in on himself, Gods it felt as if he was being ripped from the inside. He could only lay there with his forehead against the soft grass. Gods, it hurt so much. What was happening? Why was he so weak, so tired?
Hera, his baby.
It was too early for him to come.
Venturing cautiously to his thighs, felt a warm dampness. Dragging his hand back in front of him, dark crimson coated his fingertips. He rubbed his fingers together, examining them a moment as if it couldn’t be.
Blood.

He was bleeding. No, no please no. Anything but this, he couldn’t bear it. Another wave of pain swept through him, Patroclus had to make a decision. Either he could lie here and bleed out him and the child both die or get help from Chiron where there was a chance of survival. For him and his child.With that resolve in mind, he pushed everything he could into standing. Dirt embedded into his nails as he tried to rise. If he couldn’t stand then he would crawl. Anything to save his child.
Achilles, I’m afraid. Afraid for our baby.
Drops of blood covered the forest floor, Achilles followed it wondering where the deer had gone. He knew he had hit it. Gods, Patroclus was going to be so upset with him, he had killed another deer. Well, not yet evidently from the trail of blood. He would just have to track it, sighing.
Achilles hoped Patroclus was having a better time, he had a better aim after all. Never would he have missed and allowed an animal to suffer.
Something rustled in the underbrush, he followed the sound as closely as he could. Damn it to Hades, it was that deer he had failed to shoot.
Stamping a foot, he took off after it.Patroclus struggled to stay upright on his feet, it was a challenge with how weak he felt. “I just have to get back to Chiron. He’ll know what to do,,” he thought.
“Eileithyia, please protect my baby. I ask for nothing else, please” never had he been a devout follower to any of the Gods. They had never sort to ease the sufferings in his life, so why pray to them. But in these past weeks he had ever prayed and sacrificed, more than he had in his life. For Achilles and his baby.
He gritted his teeth as another wave of pain swept through him.
Keep going, keep going. It will be worth it to have his baby in his arms.

If...

Patroclus couldn’t dwell on those thoughts, this was the only thing keeping him going.Achilles stopped his chase of the deer for a moment, spotting something in his peripheral. Walking closer for a closer inspection and he saw hazardous against a tree was Patroclus’ bow and quiver with a tied hare. But no sign of Patroclus. Achilles’ adrenaline kicked in, something felt wrong. Horribly wrong.
“Patroclus,” he called. Growing all the more desperate.
“Patroclus,” he screamed again into the forest, “ answer me, please” Where was he?
"Patroclus, please answer me." His mind ran with scenarios of the horrible things that had befallen his lover.Patroclus leaned against the tree a moment, the flow down his thighs had slowed. That didn't mean they were safe, however. He was fighting both nausea and dizziness.
“Please just hold on little one, I’ll get us help.”
“Patroclus,” he heard Achilles calling for him. Cold dread flooded down his system, even with all of the pain he was in. Achilles couldn’t see him like this.
Blood crusted down his legs, leaving droplets wherever he stumbled. He would be disgusted. Hate him. Perhaps they would even welcome the loss of their child, he despising them after all. That wasn’t true. Achilles loves you, he could love him. Right? Could he accept this? Should he?
Patroclus stumbled against a tree. No, he would get through this alone, it would be worth it to have his baby.
Don’t fall now, you will lose everything if you fall. Come on, just keep going. One foot in front of the other.
Dark eyes watched from the trees, barely able to witness this. It was too heartbreaking, but she must, he was owed that much.
Stumbling again, she thought he would have been screaming for her son by now. However, Patroclus hadn’t returned any of her son’s increasingly desperate cries. In fact, he hid.
Ashamed, poor thing. Thetis knew of shame and secrecy, but was it worth your life, your child’s life? A bubble of regret rose in her watching him struggle to keep himself standing. Thin rivers of blood streaked down his legs, the agony etched into his face. Stubborn child, it was too late. Much too late.
Thetis closed her eyes briefly, six she would never know. Eileithyia glanced at her, hands slowing. Strengthening her resolve, it had to be done. All the humiliation and pain she had to endure to have Achilles, would not go to waste now. No matter the price.
“Keep going,” she ordered. Eileithyia nodded and her hands moved again.
Patroclus stumbled into the grass, blood flowing even quicker now.
It was a horrible thing to lose a child, but Patroclus was young still. He could have another child, just not sired by her son. If he survived at all. Miscarriages and carriers were a dangerous mix, indeed.This was it, he was going to die here. Patroclus felt almost peaceful, he had tried, but in the end, they were going to die. Both of them.
As the darkness closed in on his vision, he thought only of his happy memories. Memories of happiness, he tried to pass to his little one. His memories of him and his Achilles. Of Pithia. Warm beaches, blue water. Their days of mischief, their love, and how he loved him.
It was so dark, but he wouldn’t let his little one feel scared.
“It’s alright little one, I’m here. Mother is right here. I’ll be with you okay. So don’t be afraid. I’m here.
Facing the grass, and feeling the cool breeze sweep his hair. Here in this beautiful place, Patroclus had few regrets. His only regrets were that he hadn’t told Achilles how much he loved him, how happy he made him. About their sweet baby.
“Achilles, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you, Achilles more than anything, please be happy.” Tears came even faster, hitting the soil below.
“And little one, I’m sorry I should have been a better mother to you. I wasn’t careful with you. I ran and played when I should have rested… I’m sorry. Sorry that I failed you.”, Even more, the darkness pulled at him, Patroclus let it. He was sleepy, so sleepy and the pain was fading. If he went to it, then it would stop. They could be at peace. Sleep.
“Patroclus,” something shook him. A muffled voice.
“Don’t you dare go to sleep, Patroclus,” the voice called more insistently.
Achilles?
“Patroclus,” it called one last time. He wasn’t sure who was calling him, but didn’t care it was so warm here, nothing hurt. Nothing, but the safety of the darkness.
The voice shook him this time, pulling him from the darkness.
Stop, all he wanted was to go to the dark, it was warm there. Nothing hurt, if he stayed then he wouldn’t hurt. They wouldn’t hurt,
“No, you can’t sleep, Patroclus.” Vaguely, he felt hands picking him up… this time he cracked an eye. The world was so distorted, blurry. Bright, it was too bright. Nothing like the soothing dark.
“There you are,” the voice said, “stay with me. If you can Patroclus. Don’t fall for the temptation. The siren call of Death. If Hades wants you, he will have to fight me for you. If I let you die, Achilles will never forgive me. I would never forgive myself.”
Chiron?
They were saved. Patroclus opened his other eye, deciding to fight, he was going to fight for them. Hopefully, it wasn’t too late. Something could still be done.
“Save him.” he panted against him. His throat felt so dry as if he had not had water in days. It hurt but his little baby was in danger.
“Save him,” were the only words he could speak. Chiron hid a grimace from the blood trailing across the forest floor, and the sluggish trail still dripping down his legs. Patroclus was the only one that still had any chance of survival.
Gods above, even then it was a slim one. Chiron fought tears.
“What if after everything, he still dies.” No, he was going to battle Death, but he had to work quickly. Patroclus had already lost so much blood.Everywhere he turned, he felt as if he was being crushed. Something was wrong, Achilles couldn’t breathe. He was dying, something was wrong… Patroclus was nowhere to be found, Gods.
“Patroclus,” he called in his mind, .”
Gods, please let nothing have happened to him. It would kill him. Truly it would because Patroclus was a part of him, his very heart, soul. His everything. Perhaps, Chiron had seen him. Please.Entering their cave, he was overwhelmed with the scent of metal.
His heart hammered in his chest. No, no please not Patroclus. He ran to their bed, finding it empty, ran to Chiron’s private room.
Gods.
The sight nearly brought him to his knees. Patroclus was lying there so still, so quiet that it was unnatural. His usually vibrant dark skin was left pale almost ashen.
Wetting his lips slightly, Achilles found the words to speak, “What happened?” He smelled blood but none of it was visible to his sight.
Chiron didn't explain but gave orders, “Fetch fresh water and bandages.”
Achilles found himself nodding and stepping out. Anything for him. He leaned down to place a kiss at his clammy forehead, uncaring if Chiron was watching him.Chiron sighed, before uncovering Patroclus. Examining the blood flow, found that it had slowed, so hopefully, there was a chance for recovery. However, he and Achilles were in for a long night.
Taking a small knife, he disinfected it and made a straight slash along his right thigh. So that if Achilles just happened to get too curious. He could tell him that Patroclus had cut himself on an arrow right near a main artery. Throwing off suspicion until Patroclus was ready to tell himself. If he ever told him. Chiron sighed, sitting next to him, setting another cloth at his forehead.
If he even wakes up.Each time he came with fresh water another bowl of bloody water and bandages waited for him. The very scent and sight of it made him sick. It made him even sicker to know that all of that blood was Patroclus’.
As he brought in the last bowl, the water didn’t seem to be so red, but more pinkish. Whatever his injury was it was clotting. Or?
“One last bucket and it should be done,” he caught Chiron muttering to himself.
So he was healing, praise the Gods.
When it appeared as if Chiron had stopped, Achilles asked," What happened? And how did he become this way?"
Chiron lied, " I don't know. We'll know when he wakes up…”
He stops suddenly, Achilles heard the unspoken, "if he wakes up."
"Achilles, could you give me some space to work. I think I have something to revive him."
He nodded and stepped out once more, even if his mind screamed at him to sit with him. Stay with him.
Achilles fell to his knees, palms raised upward, “To any who are listening. Give him back to me. He is my everything. My very heart. Grant me this and I shall forever be in your favor.”
The forest around him was silent as a tomb, but he felt eyes. Something was watching him.
“Please,” he directed towards the trees when the presence didn’t answer, he just screamed a horrible wounded sound. It sounded as if he had been cut to pieces, his very heart rendered from his chest.
“Give him back to me. GIVE HIM BACK,” he screamed.
Neria hid behind the tree, Achilles was begging for Patroclus to be spared. She was no god, what could she do? And his prayers were for naught, Patroclus was dying. The blood nourishing the forest floor was proof of this. He and his little baby were gone.
"Please. Please just let him live, I’ll pay any price. Any price.” he sobbed strength leaving him at last, blond strands covering his face.
“Please.”
Thetis’ son’s grief was more than she could have born, more than her own guilty conscious.
How she had said nothing and just watched as Thetis murdered her son’s lover and child.Achilles came back to him, bedraggled, tunic and face still smeared with blood. Eyes dulled to the point that the pupils were barely visible. Only the Gods knew what he had done or been through. What sacrifices he had made. He breathed deeply before kneeling next to the bed, fingers lightly running through Patroclus’ hair with the uttermost care. Chiron didn’t have the heart to tell him to let Patroclus be. He had no energy left, neither of them did.
Helpless they could only watch the rise and fall of Patroclus’ chest, and pray that he woke up. Chiron settling himself a few feet away. Achilles had no let up on his vigil for his beloved.
A soft lullaby, and although he could see how tired he was. Achilles smiled as he sang, notes soft yet clear.
The music was slowly pulling him towards sleep, his young pupil was still going strong. Just as he was closing his eyes, saw his student doing the same, head going closer and closer to the bed.
Until at long last, it fell, the song pausing for now. Chiron gently rose to wrap a blanket around the young man’s shoulders. He was confident that Achilles would continue it the moment he woke up. But for now, he needed to rest. Chiron would take up his vigil for their Patroclus.
Patroclus I hope you wake up soon, he needs you.
“There you are, a healthy little boy,” Patroclus grinned tiredly at Chiron as his little one was placed in his arms. Warm and wriggling, he was beautiful.
“Hello, what a handsome boy you are,” he cooed at his chubby baby. Patroclus kissed his forehead, his sweet little baby. He was perfect from his curls to his tiny toes.
“Achilles, come meet your-,”Waking Patroclus found Achilles’ freckles and golden hair right in his field of vision. His heart raced for a moment before he realized he was asleep. Where was his baby, he hadn’t just been in labor for hours? Oh, that’s right, he was still carrying their baby, it had only been a dream.
Patroclus quietly went to sit up but found when he did so a sharp pain accompanied it. He frowned, a soft swish on the other side of the room revealed Chiron coming in. Had his child been saved? With Achilles so close, he couldn’t say the words out loud. Luckily for him, Chiron only nodded.
Understanding his hesitation, he came over to move Achilles back to their room. Thank the Gods, Achilles slept like the dead at times. Only then did Patroclus feel that he could breathe again. He needed to know had his child been saved or…
Gods. He couldn't think of such a horrid thing.Chiron came back a tad too slowly for his tastes, he needed an answer now. Taking a deep breath, it was now or never. He had to know.
“Master Chiron..” he hesitated, did he truly want to know. Did he want truly want to confirm what he already knew? Hear those words.
No, maybe his little one had been spared, their teacher was a talented healer after all.
Chiron came over to him, taking the same spot Achilles had rested at.
“Patroclus, I-I,” Chiron started softly, “ have no words to say how sorry. I’m for the loss of your child. I did everything necessary, but it was too late. I’m sorry.” By the end a few tears had escaped.
A breath he didn’t know he had been holding released itself as a strangled sob. No, it had to be a mistake.
“Are you sure that I have miscarried? I didn’t bleed that much, I could..,” he babbled trying to convince himself that it was only a bad dream. He had been cradling their little son in his arms. His dark hair, kissing his forehead. Holding his tiny fingers. There had to be a mistake. It couldn’t be true, he couldn’t breathe. Gods, his baby. Achilles’ baby. Gone.
Chiron drew him into his arms, “Ssh, breathe Patroclus breathe. Please try to breathe, you are still weak. You need to give your body time to deal with this trauma.”
“It wasn’t your fault. It will be alright, hush I’m here.” Patroclus sobbed harder into Chiron’s rough tunic.
But it had been all his fault, he had killed their child with his recklessness. His pride.
Achilles jolted up when he realized he was in bed, and he found that someone had changed his previously bloody clothes for fresh ones. Chiron no doubt.
Patroclus?
Was he awake?
Springing up he raced to Chiron’s room where he found Patroclus awake. Just barely could he restrain himself from wrapping Patroclus in his arms completely, breathing in his scent of rosemary and sage. A scent that was all Patroclus.“I'm clumsy, I cut myself on an arrow.”
“How silly of me, right?,” Patroclus chuckled when all he wanted was to cry. He had been too late, it had been much too late.
Useless, so fucking useless.“Worthless,” the voice of his father mocked. Shut up shut up shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP
Patroclus resisted the urge to flinch when Achilles pushed one of his curls away from his face. All he wanted was to be alone, not face Achilles’ bright eyes and even brighter smile. His adoration.
“No, it isn’t silly at all. You more than make up for it with your deadly skill with a bow.”
Patroclus forced himself not to grimace as his lower half was still throbbing, from whatever Chiron had given him to help expel the rest of his child so he wouldn’t poison him. Gods, why. What had he done to deserve this?
Chiron came to his rescue, ushering Achilles towards the opening of the room. Achilles gave him one last smile before Chiron gently pushed him out of the room.
Curtain firmly between them, Chiron handed him another cup.
Patroclus no longer wished to know what it was, all he longed for was sleep.
Chiron voiced as much, “It’s for you to sleep.”
Gratefully, he downed it and let it take away his pain.
His baby was gone. All alone.
I promised him, he wouldn’t be alone.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Achilles was playing for a new song for him in the meadows when suddenly tears dripped down Patroclus’ cheeks.
He reached to brush them away, but Patroclus recoiled from him. Achilles pulled back his hand, appearing hurt.
“It’s just you play so beautifully,” he said, sending him a watery grin, wiping at his eyes. Achilles watched him a little closer, but another reassurance would absolve that.
“I’m fine, truly,” he dried his face as much as he could, before smiling brightly.
In truth, he wanted to sob. He had lost him, their babe. Their sweet baby. He wanted to scream at him and cry for what had happened to their babe. “Please forgive me. It was all my fault. My pride blinded me. I wanted to be all yours. For you to love me. I’m sorry. Don’t hate me. Don’t hate me for what I am. Please I beg of you. Don’t discard me. Don’t leave me,” was his mind's constant loop.
A warm hand touched his cheek breaking his mantra for a moment, “ I know you, you aren’t fine. What is the matter, my love? Tell me and I'll resolve it. I want nothing to upset you.” How could he resolve it.
“I lost him Achilles, I lost him. There is nothing for you to fix. You can’t bring him back. No one, not even the Gods can.” Today he was supposed to tell him about their baby, had even planned to have him see and feel his belly swelling. There was no point now, it had been weeks since he lost the child. Their child.
If Achilles had even wanted a child, from the way he had spoken. Children were nowhere near his thoughts. Only glory, he hated him so much at this moment. How he had done this to him, ruined him so that he alone would bear the full weight of this grief. His stupid face, blond hair, the way he gleamed in the sunlight. The way his brow wrinkled in concern. He could barely stand to be in his presence at the moment, it hurt too much. Patroclus forced another bright smile to his face.
“I’m happy, its just I thought of my mother suddenly,” he told him, while his eyes filled with tears. Oh, Gods, he could have been a mother.
“I miss her terribly,” he told him quickly standing, all but running from him.
_______________________________________________________
Deeming himself far enough away, collapsed against the tree, chest heaving. A cry left his throat. Two weeks that’s how long ago, he had lost their child. Only two weeks and he still felt no better.
Chiron had not scolded him for his foolishness. Instead had kept him close by his side, while he recovered, and kept his shame a secret. He should have listened to him. All was lost, now.Achilles rose to chase after him. Gods, he hated when Patroclus was upset for any reason. Especially if he was the cause.
The last time he run off like that he had been hurt. He couldn’t go through that again, seeing Patroclus so close to death had nearly driven him mad. His usually vibrant dark skin drained of color. Lifeless, never again, did he want to see him harmed in any way.
Patroclus should have known better, how foolish of him. Perhaps had he told Chiron earlier, he could have kept his child. If he could have kept him, he would have raised him in the mountains. Achilles could go to his damned destiny and his son would be raised here in peace. Never knowing his father or any better.
Those hateful thoughts only made the tears come faster. None of it was true, he loved Achilles. Never would he leave him. He just was so hurt and angry. At who, he didn’t know. Gods, his baby. Their baby.Viridian eyes scanned the pathway, tracking the light footprints in the soil. He had to find him, it was getting late. Any horror or evil could befall him. The thought made his heart hurt all the more. He couldn’t lose him, it would kill him.
His lover seemed angry yet filled with such despair. What had caused him to feel so? Had he done something to displease him? Had his mother been cruel to him again? Had seeing the lyre today, have brought up an unpleasant memory? Achilles didn’t know but would do anything to find him. Getting Chiron was a last resort. He would probably find him first, but… Patroclus had seemed so upset. His pride was not worth him getting hurt.
Nothing was worth more to him than Patroclus. He would give everything up for him.__________________________________________________
Just laying there on the forest floor, he quietly wished for death. If he was dead then he could be with his baby again. A moment earlier he had cursed Achilles for what he had done. For getting him with child, for giving him such grief. Achilles hadn’t known he was pregnant. His own arrogance had been his downfall.
He had thought himself so clever that he could keep this from him and give him his heir. That he could have happiness but cheated them of their praise. The Gods in repayment took away his babe.
His poor babe, all alone in the Underworld. Not even a person yet, how would he cross the river with no coin, he was but an idea. Tears renewed themselves, dripping down his cheeks. Curling into a ball, he cried.It was all his fault.Casting a glance at the sky, Apollo’s chariot was drawn over the horizon. Turning it a mix of bloody red and orange, he sighed. In the end, he swallowed his pride and had gotten Chiron. He had yet to see their master return, so he must have found Patroclus. Chiron was perfect when Patroclus was upset, he knew exactly what to say when he couldn't. Achilles hated how clumsy he was with him, how he could say or do nothing right. He was to blame if anything happened to him.
“Patroclus, come now you must wake up he searches for you,” a warm hand startled him from his sleep. He sat up wiping at his face, his tears had dried and become tacky. The small rest he took only left him more drained. Wearily, he glanced up to see Chiron.
Chiron, as patient as ever, knelt next to him and held his arms out. He scrambled into them.
Chiron always felt safe, Patroclus could hardly understand why he trusted him so easily. Perhaps, because he was so gentle and welcoming despite his bulk. From the first moment, he arrived here, made him feel welcomed and safe. As if he belonged, that he wasn’t a freak. An abominationChiron also had stood up for him to Thetis. No adult had ever stood up for him before. And because he had, Patroclus vowed to be the best student he could be as not to disappoint him. In the years that had passed, he learned that he could relax. Here he would not be scolded for his mistakes. Chiron had not mocked and screamed at him as his father had. Instead would kindly correct his mistakes and show him how to do them correctly.“It hurts,” he muttered at his chest, “ it hurts so much. I wish for death.” His eyes were dry and could form no more tears. Patroclus heard Chiron’s heartbeat pick up in his chest. The centaur drew back from him to tightly grasp him at his arms.“Don’t ever wish for such a thing, Patroclus,” his teacher’s eyes were clouded in grief, but held a fire to them.

“You have any idea how lucky you were, you survived when so many have not,” his tone was sharp almost a rebuttal. He shrank back a bit before Chiron inhaled before blowing it out.
“ I do not mean to scold you. I only wish for you to know how important you are to me, I think of you as a son,” he continued tone softer now. “Even Achilles with his pigheaded stubbornness.” They shared a small chuckle. Achilles could be quite bratty at times, used to getting his way. Wild and restless, he loved to go when it pleased him.
Chiron took him back into his arms, Patroclus rested his head against him breathing in the scent of herbs and spices.
“In time, your grief will lessen. It never truly goes away, but as time passes you will find it easier to get through each day.”
“I pray for it,” he said, leaning against his him.
“Will, I ever have another child?” Patroclus asked against him. He had to know, perhaps.
Chiron was quite a moment before he uttered that damning phrase, “Perhaps.”
Patroclus closed his eyes against him, Chiron was being kind, never again would he have another child. His dream of having Achilles’ children crushed before it began. What had he done to bring the wrath of the Gods upon himself? For this cruelty he had endured, would have to endure.Something rustled behind him, his hand went to the dagger he kept at his side. Pivoting to face it, relaxed seeing it was only Patroclus and their teacher.
The sight of him unharmed brought him more joy than one could know. Together they all head back for the cave. Patroclus slowly drifted back to his side. He longed to reach for him, faltering when he saw his red-rimmed eyes.
Fingers brushed against his, peeking downward saw that Patroclus had entwined his fingers with his.
Achilles drew him a little closer, basking in the knowledge that he wasn’t hurt in any way.The moment Achilles fell asleep, it seemed as if his tears wanted to fall.
He let them but using his pillow to muffle the sound.
Empty, he felt so fucking empty. It didn’t feel right, nothing felt right. It hurt.
Snuffling a little more, he snuggled himself under Achilles’ chin. Listening to the steady rise and fall of his breathing.
Thump-thump, thump. With each beat, he found himself drifting into sleep.
Would you forgive me? Could you still love me?
Achilles blinked a few times, a mass of dark hair tickled at his chin. Patroclus snored against him, was that drool? He grinned to himself, it would have been very cute if he didn’t have to pee. Testing Patroclus’ grip on him, he found himself bound tighter than a piece of seaweed. Sighing he resigned himself to waiting until he woke up. In the meantime, Patroclus would have a lovely braid through his unruly curls. As if he could hear his devious thoughts, he shifted a bit.
“Too late, love,” he muttered, freeing one arm._______________________________________________________________Patroclus woke up still on Achilles’ chest. Emerald green eyes greeted him when he woke up, and ever sunny smile against his full lips. He wanted to kiss him, it was amazing how he woke up so gorgeous. Happy. How he wished he could be happy. Would he ever know anything but grief?
“Good morning, love. So kind of you to release me,” he teased, sitting up. Patroclus felt a small smile breakthrough.
A smile, a rarity that Achilles wouldn’t question.
Achilles pulled him in for a kiss which he welcomed. It was as if the rays of Apollo were being poured into him, filling him. Digging his fingers into those luster blond curls, enjoying the taste of him, until Achilles pulled back.
Resisting the urge to pout, Achilles pressed a series of kisses at his neck.
“I’ll be back.” another kiss.
“Just be patient,” he continued pressing more kisses down his neck. Marking his place, he got up. Patroclus flopped back into the bed. Perhaps, he rolled the word around in his mind. No, it was too soon.
Tears came again, already he was thinking to seduce Achilles into getting him pregnant again. Gods, not even a month had passed and he already dreamed of replacing their baby. How could he? He was a monster. It had been all his fault.__________________________________________________Just as his smile had come Patroclus’ tears came back just as quickly. Achilles wondered how in the time he had gone, whatever haunted him had come right back.
“Love, are you alright?” Achilles called, arms coming around him. Patroclus fought the urge to flinch.
“Everything hurts, Achilles. I’m drowning,” his thoughts screamed.
“Nothing, my love.”
Achilles resisted the strong urge to sigh.
It was becoming obvious, Patroclus wasn’t going to tell him the truth, so he would just have to be patient. He would ask him nothing further until he told himself. Achilles simply held him. If for a little while, he could give him peace.
Days passed slowly and he felt dead. Wished he was dead. Wished he had gone to the darkness. It would spare him Chiron and Achilles’ pitying looks, spare him the agony of pretending everything was fine.
And he could tell Achilles was growing tired of him and his moods. Patroclus was fine with that. In fact, he worked to encourage his temper and purposely push him away. Achilles was going to leave him anyway when he found out.
What had happened. What he had done. What he was. He would be disgusted by him. It was best, he break his own heart now to spare himself the pain later.
In the dying days of summer, Achilles felt cold. Patroclus was being so icy as opposed to how he sweet and open he had behaved previously. He was racking his mind to discover the cause. What had caused him so much grief and anger?
His tears had stopped and in their place something much worse. Apathy.
Patroclus still did his lessons and chores. Came to sparring, but he did it detached as simply going through the motions. When all his duties were completed retreated from him and Chiron both to the flower meadows, where he stayed until dinner.
It hurt. It hurt more than he wanted to voice, that they weren’t so close anymore. That it felt as if he was losing him.
Achilles had enough, he couldn’t take his distance and indifference.
He was going to confront him, he would even get on his knees to beg his forgiveness for any wrongdoing. Any slight. Anything to have him back.
Patroclus left their lessons and Achilles trailed after him until they were in the forest. All but tackling him to the ground.
“Patroclus, please talk to me. I can’t stand this anymore. What’s the matter? Did I offend you in any way? Did my mother hurt you? Tell me so I can fix it,” he was on his knees arms at his waist, “Please, love.”
Patroclus flinched a little, “Achilles you’re hurting me.”
Achilles drew back quickly, too quickly for his liking, “I’m sorry that I’m hurting you. I’m sorry that I hurt you.”
Patroclus’ fingers reached for his face cradling it, “Achilles, I meant the wound. It is not fully healed.”
“Oh,” he flushed, there he went again with his clumsiness.
Patroclus sighed, “You have done nothing wrong, it’s just-,” beginning to threading his fingers through his curls. Achilles all but sank into the feeling, this is the most affection he had in days from him.
“I’m not angry with you. I swear it,” Patroclus paused. How should he phrase this.
“I can’t tell you, Achilles. Please be patient with me, I’ll tell you. I swear it, I just can’t find the strength to now.”
“Promise?” Achilles would have liked to pry but this was the most open Patroclus had been with him in weeks, he would do little to ruin that. They didn’t keep secrets from one another, it wasn’t their way. Besides, they never broke their promises.
“Promise.”
The sound of a horn broke their newfound understanding, a fragile thing really.At the sound of the horn, Patroclus felt the first inkling of panic bubble up. It was time, their time here on Mt. Pelion had come to an end. Achilles was posed with his dagger as if it was an enemy instead of his convoy sent to escort him home. Perhaps it was because it represented the loss of his freedom.
Patroclus stood and went to follow the noise, Achilles jerked him back. Closer to his chest that he could feel the heat radiating off of him, the sound of his heart thudding in his chest, the slight harshness of his breathing.
“What are you doing? It’s dangerous.” he all but hissed, Patroclus merely shook his head.“Achilles, it’s only a messenger. I suppose your father has a message or…,” Patroclus trailed off at his expression and remembered. That’s right Achilles had hardly ever seen the convoy of messengers that brought messages and gifts. Thetis always had him with her, which is why he had never-.Patroclus parted his lips to say as much when the horn sounded again.
Achilles swore. “Those idiots are going to draw all kinds of monsters to this location if they keep sounding that blasted horn.”“Prince Achilles,” a shout came at last. Achilles still hadn’t released his grip on his dagger despite knowing the fact they meant no harm. They may have meant him no harm but he hated what they represented. Patroclus was already so far away from him, them returning would only deepen the cavern between them.Leaving here would mean that…
Achilles startled when Patroclus placed his hand over his, his grip loosened instantly.
“Calm down, they bear no bad news.” Patroclus had no idea of the conversation he and his mother had but a few weeks ago and now he had his father’s answer.He was to return home, he only hoped it was to be temporarily.
“Here,” Achilles shouted. Patroclus grasped his hand slightly before releasing it to wander done the hill.
“Can you follow my voice,” his lover shouted back into the grove of trees.
“I can,” came the reply. Patroclus nodded and they waited a moment. A man came through the trees, horn in hand, and his tunic soaked with sweat and hair ruffled from low lying branches. Patroclus hid a snicker, as a cough. Achilles was close to doing the same.
“Your Highness,” he addressed out of breath and nearly halfway collapsed. Patroclus sympathized with him, it must have been a long trek up here not to mention the monsters that lurked in some places.
“Yes.” Achilles addressed him coolly.
The messenger took in another long breath before continuing, “I have a message from your father. He wishes for you-.”
Achilles felt his eye twitch as the man took yet another breath. He wished he would hurry and speak.
Patroclus had more patience than he, offering the man a drink of water from his skin. After a long drink, he finally continued.
“Something has happened and your father summons you home. He awaits your decision on the matter.” For a moment they all just stood there as he contemplated it. His father couldn’t have been more vague and that was unlike him. Why?
Achilles tried to derive more information from the man, “Was that all he said?”
The man bowed his head slightly“Yes, your highness,” before pausing, “There were messengers from Mycenae, with what news I do not know. Only that your father will speak to the people and he..”The messenger took another breath to gain his bearings.
“Wishes for you to be there. I have a party and horses waiting for you at the bottom.
Achilles withheld a sigh. Curses, he should have never asked his mother for more time. If he had known this would be the result.
Turning back to the messenger, “ Patroclus and I need to pack our things.” The man nodded.
Patroclus was already farther up the path, waiting for him.Once they were far enough out of sight, Achilles let his fingers skim against Patroclus’ loose one. After a moment, Patroclus’ fingers entwined with his.
“Why do you think your father is summoning you back now?” Patroclus asked quietly. Achilles longed to draw him close, but he was respecting his wishes.
“ I don’t know, that messenger was useless. My father in all of these years has not summoned me home, why now. Especially when it concerns messengers from Mycenae. He knows how I have no patience for thinly veiled diplomacy that calls for us to get involved with others' problems. Especially those of their own making.” After that, it seemed as if Patroclus had retreated into himself and drew away from him slightly. Curses. His tongue was too sharp at times.
When they were nearer the cave, he spoke again.
“I think it could be a call for war. Achilles.” He shook his head if it had been one his father…
It hit him suddenly, all of Chiron’s words, “Men will..”
“What makes you say that?”
“I-I,” Patroclus faltered a moment, before explaining, "Achilles think about it, Mycenae is our neighbor to the South and their king calls himself “Lord of Men.”
Achilles nearly snorted, what an arrogant man.
“How arrogant of him,” Achilles mused. Patroclus reached for him and he let himself soak up all of his warmth and sweet scent.
“Achilles, this is serious. He calls himself as such because of the army and vast lands he controls rules. What if you have to fight?”
Achilles drew him until he was burrowed at his chest, promising him nothing would happen.
“We’ll be back in a day or two. It is nothing serious if it was my father would have sent a more urgent summons.”
“But-.,” he said looking up.
“It will only be a day or two. Trust me, my Patroclus.” Patroclus’ dark eyes watched him wearily before he sighed letting him pull him back to his chest.
“I do.”
“Good.”When they arrived at the cave, Chiron was already waiting.
“I heard shouting.”His tail swishing back and forth as if to convey his annoyance. They both knew how their teacher hated to have the peace of his mountains disturbed, so it was no surprise that he was aggravated.
Achilles glanced at Patroclus before facing their master. “My father has summoned me home,” a look passed their master’s eyes before he nodded. Achilles quickly added that they would be back, “But only for tonight, I expect we should be back soon.”
“I see,” Chiron said, and in that moment he looked larger than usual standing there. His hooves dull against the grass and his chestnut-colored flanks lit by the sun Patroclus wondered if he would be lonely without them. For they had come to function as a small family, he would sorely miss their teacher who gave him comfort and sanctuary. And he had never seen him with another centaur. Once when they had asked him, his face had become stiff and his voice rough.

“Barbarians.” he called them.

Chiron bowed his head slightly and they went off to pack their things. Achilles went but Patroclus hung back to hug their teacher. Chiron held him gently, remembering the day his student came to him. So unsure and frightened and now look at him. He and Achilles both had grown so much.
“ I foresee much in your path, but you must be strong. Be brave Patroclus.”
“I will, I promise.”
“You have suffered greatly, but all you have suffered will not hinder you. You are one of the bravest I have taught. Although you will not be great, you are one of the greatest to me. I’m proud to call you a student.” Chiron continued still holding him, Patroclus felt tears dampen his eyes.
“Thank you, Master.” He wiped them away.
Chiron’s own eyes were filled with tears, “Your heart is your greatest strength but it is also your greatest weakness. Guard it well.” With that, he was sent to collect his things. He could bare to say anymore, knowing what he knew.
However much Patroclus had suffered, he would endure that and more on his path with Achilles. He and Achilles were destined to be together, but their shared weakness was their hearts. Others would take their love and seek to use for their own gains and if they let them it would destroy them.Achilles left Patroclus to pack his things as exited their room. Chiron was waiting for him. Was it his imagination, if his teacher seemed to be melancholy about them leaving. It was only to be for a night or two. He behaved as if they were leaving permanently. No.
It couldn’t be.
Chiron’s eyes caught his and he nodded.
“I have nothing left to teach you, surely you have known that since the first day you bested me in combat. As I warned you before, men are already seeking your skill because of your heritage,” he stated calmly.
“I have told Patroclus, it was only to be for a night. We are coming back.” Chiron again shook his head.
“He knows. Achilles there is no need to trouble him further.” At that he flinched, even their teacher had noticed Patroclus’ foul mood.
“How?”
Chiron’s brown eyes bid him to take a seat. A mug of tea was placed before him, he took one sip, and politely set it back down. It tasted of earth, absolutely disgusting. Still, his teacher hadn’t answered his question. If anything he left him with even more.
“Treat him gently Achilles, although he appears strong you must remember yourself,” Chiron’s tone was warm, but he heard the underlying warning.
“Always, teacher. I would never hurt him. I love him,” Achilles said smiling at him before realizing his words, and his cheeks flamed quite terribly. Gods, he had told him he loved Patroclus. Chiron only raised one eyebrow, amusement dancing in his eyes.
“I know you would never hurt him intentionally, but you-,” Chiron stopped, it wasn’t his place to say.
“Nevermind, my ramblings.” He said taking a sip of his tea.
“Place him firmly in your heart, and never let him go. Few have been blessed to have such a loyal and faithful lover.” At this, his student’s cheeks turned even ruddier.
“Of course.” In his haste to agree Achilles took another sip of that vile tea, he nearly choked.
Chiron hid a smile as he took the cup, “And behave yourself don’t cause him unnecessary grief.”
After that, his teacher embraced him before shooing him off to fetch Patroclus. Achilles wanted to pout, Patroclus had gotten no scolding and his hug had been longer. That wasn’t fair, just because Patroclus was his favorite. But he supposed it was because Patroclus was so sweet.They finally bid Chiron goodbye with heavy hearts, hoping he wouldn’t be too lonely without them.Being around people was somewhat strange as Achilles had only been with Patroclus and Chiron for years. To make it even worse Patroclus was so quiet and his eyes held a darkness that he couldn’t begin to decipher. Achilles only knew he was hurting, but he had said nothing of it. Pretending everything was fine, but he felt his grief as if it was acutely apart of him.
The ride back home had only served to make him even quieter. Patroclus had said little, riding beside him. Both of them were awkward in their saddles not used to riding.

Achilles told a few bawdy jokes to try and brighten his demeanor, when they stopped for camp, juggled. Nothing. No crack of lips. The only thing that could bring his smile was the lyre, but Achilles didn’t want to risk making his mood blacker.Gods, if only he would tell him what was hurting him. However, he had made a promise not to pry.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“Your Highness wait,” his nurse panted from behind. Achilles only picked up the pace. They would never catch him because his mother said he was special.
Mother.
His pace faltered for a moment before he was running past his rooms. The one place they would never find him.
“You my son are half-mortal and half-god with my blood none shall ever be your equal.” His mother whispered cradling him in her cold arms. She rarely came to see him but when he did he relished it. How he wished she would come back and stay with them in the palace. Stay with him. His nurses were nice but he wanted his mother.

Achilles thought for a moment before he asked, “Not even father?” His mother’s face changed for a moment, and Achilles could have sworn his mother had hissed. But all was well when his mother settled him back in her arms, “Not even your father my love, no one. I’ll make sure of it,” his mother promised, her hand stroking through his curls.

Achilles stopped suddenly at the edge of the palace overlooking the blue sea, if he was so special then where was she? Tears streamed down his cheeks didn’t she love him? He loved her so why couldn’t she come.
Footstep slowed to where he was. Achilles tried to wipe at his face, it wasn’t fair. If he was so special why was he always alone. No one understood him, they didn’t understand how lonely he felt. He was all alone.
“Your highness,” his nurse called to him, then she called to him more softly, “Achilles, come here.” He turned to her before running into her legs. She said nothing as he cried into her skirts. Desperately wishing it was his mother instead of her.
Neria tried to comfort him, “It’s alright, Achilles. Your mother will come. I promise it. She is only busy, as are all gods and goddesses are at this time of the year.” They both knew she never came on this day. Not even on the original day had she wanted to stay.

Achilles awoke with a start, he glanced around the camp feeling only the coolness of the night as the fire had died down. So he went to get more wood to add to the fire, poking at it watched the flames rise to illuminate the night. Patroclus was still asleep his features pained, Achilles sighed wrapping his cloak around him. His love snuggled into his features relaxing a fraction, hopefully, his dreams were turning more pleasant. Achilles leaned over to kiss his cheek, “With you here, I’m never alone. Nor will I ever let you feel alone, I’m here. You do know you can tell me anything, my love.” Patroclus stirred slightly, Achilles kissed his cheek once more before taking him back into his arms.
“I know going home now isn’t ideal, but I promise you it will be a short visit. Then it’ll just me and you again. We’ll be happy together because I promised you would be the cause and I…” Suddenly he felt shy, how silly of him. He had been so bold in getting Patroclus to declare it.
“I’ll be great, but not without you by my side because I love you.” He whispered to him, “And I always will so please stay with me.”
Achilles prayed to any God that would listen that his time with Patroclus be extended a little longer, just this once.___________________________________________________________________Neria watched her young charge as he prayed, unaware that his prayer was answered by his mother. Thetis would grant him his wish at a price.
A price he would surely come to regret.
Gods always gave you exactly what you desired but rarely was it worth what you paid. Achilles had already paid in his child’s blood, what more could her mistress want. What more could he desire?Besides his promised godhood.______________________________________________________________________
When they arrived back in Pithia the next morning, a huge crowd had been waiting to welcome them. He and Achilles dismounted at the steps. The ride back had been both stressful and painful with his wound was chaffing against the bandage.
Looking up, Patroclus found Thetis was waiting in all her glory. Dark hair flowing loosely down her back, in a dress that appeared to be spun from silver hugging her figure. When her eyes caught his. His heart thudded in his chest like a startled rabbit before he turned. Part of him wanted to reach for Achilles and hid behind him, but that was childish. There was nothing to fear, she had no idea of what had transpired between him and Achilles. Or the fact that he had carried her grandchild. His child, Patroclus’ heart thudded at the thought.
Their child.
No, he would not cry here, not in front of a crowd. Achilles was already climbing the steps to reach his parents but before King Peleus could even reach for him Thetis already had Achilles in her embrace. Patroclus could only imagine how cold and wet her skin was.
“Son of my womb, the flesh of my flesh," her voice echoed around the courtyard cutting, sounding like waves hitting the shore.
Patroclus withheld a snort. She was making her claim over Achilles known to all, and could as his goddess mother. Even Achilles understands that. They all did.
"Thank you, Mother," Achilles returned removing himself from her embrace. King Peleus hugged his son next, Be welcome my son.”
“Thank you, father.”
Unexpectedly he found the king hugging him as well, “Be welcome my child.”
“Go and rest, I will announce this after you have settled.” Achilles nodded, steering him away by his waist.
Patroclus could have sworn, she hissed at him when Achilles led him away from the crowd and up the stairs.Peleus had summoned his son and companion from the mountains, due to a call for the arms from King Agamemnon. Apparently his brother’s wife, Helen had been kidnapped by a Trojan prince. So, he was calling for all those who had been a part of Helen’s suitor selection so many years ago. He had planned to have an announcement as soon as Achilles returned, but decided it was best to wait. Let them rest for a moment before asking for his son’s answer.They crowd and Thetis had gone, but the anxiousness had not left him. At least here their eyes would not watch them here.
They all dined in the king’s chambers, Patroclus barely tasted it before it was taken away, Achilles eyed him curiously but didn’t comment as he dug into his own. After dinner, it was if they had never left.
Achilles lay with his head resting at his father’s knees, he sat at his feet as the king recounted tales they had heard a million times before. Partway during the tale, he found himself curled up at Achilles’ side with his hand mindlessly interwoven with his. When he realized how close they were his cheeks flushed terribly.
If the king noticed their new intimacy, he hadn’t called attention to it. Gods he hoped he hadn’t discovered it, he would hate to have his disapproval Slowly Patroclus found King Peleus’ soothing voice luring him to sleep.
__________________________________________
Achilles drew him further into his arms, brushing his wild curl back into place. It refused to stay, he curled it a bit as he tried again. It was no use, his curls were too untamed but so beautiful. He was so beautiful.Peleus’ heart had dropped when he had seen Patroclus’ name on the list.
Patroclus was but a child. Although he and Achilles had returned tall and their voices deeper, he saw them as children still. Innocent, they had requested that he tell them a tale from his time with Jason and his Argonauts, even if they had heard them all before.

At the same time, something had changed between them. He noticed it almost immediately, the way they behaved so carefully around each other, yet so tender. So they had become lovers in their time with Chiron. Well, it was only a matter of time, he had never seen his son behave as he had when Patroclus had first arrived here. Constantly making trouble for his tutors, sneaking out to spy on his foster brothers, and doing incredible feats that his mother had forbidden him. Then one day, Achilles had gone to his lessons with no fuss or argument, with Patroclus in tow. The same day he told him of his intentions to have Patroclus made his companion. Peleus remembered the day fondly when Achilles had burst in so suddenly kneeling at his feet. Announcing his guilt of taking Patroclus from his drills, he had to rack his memory for the boy.
Menotiades. He had taken so many foster sons, it had become a chore to remember them all.

“Ah,” he cast his gaze to the boy that fidgeted at the entrance, At the time he hadn’t thought much of the boy, “yes the boy the master of arms wants to have whipped.” Patroclus flinched a bit.
“Yes, but it wasn’t his fault. I had been taking him to my lessons,” he raised an eyebrow, why was his son lying. Achilles had never lied before or at least not this well. Had the boy coached him on how to do it? Already, he was casting his influence over his son.

“I want him as my therapon,” his son’s eyes blazed with an intensity he had not seen before, hm interesting. Narrowing his eyes he called for the boy his son wanted for therapon. A sworn companion, his second in command, his brother in arms. This exile, a murderer is what his son wanted as his therapon. What an unusual choice. Then again his son was no normal boy.

The boy came and knelt softly at his feet. Nervous, but his face gave nothing away. Patroclus wasn’t much to look at, but his son watched him cautious for any sign of his disapproval. Even if he voiced his disapproval, he doubted that would stop Achilles from pursuing a friendship with the boy. Soon his son would grow bored and other things would take his fancy, so he would allow it for now.

“For years, Achilles, I have urged you to take a companion, you have turned them all away. Why him?” He and the boy waited for his answer. What his son had said had been honest.

“He is surprising,” his voice held a note of pride and smile in it. Interesting.

“Surprising?” he echoed back his son’s words, before casting his gaze at the boy at his feet.

“Yes,” from his son’s tone, he wasn’t going to back down from having Patroclus as his therapon.

“He is an exile, his reputation has a stain on it. He can not add to your name, and may even cause it to be smeared.” Patroclus’ head fell a little lower toward the end of the speech. Still, his son was undeterred.

“ I do not need him to, my glory will be own and I’ll decide how it spoken of,” Peleus remembered being surprised by his son’s answer and his clear and unwavering gaze.
“Are you sure you wish for this boy, to be your companion, my son?,” he asked him once more.

“I want no other.” Again his son was honest and clear with his answer. What could have possibly drawn his son to this boy?

He rubbed his chin in question, “ What will you tell the other boys, they will be envious of the boy you have chosen?” Achilles had nearly a smirk on his face.

“I will tell them nothing,” the answer came swiftly, “It is not their place to say what I do.” Peleus smiled at his son and his son returned it, the boy looked on confused. Achilles leads him away.
No good could come of this, and often he thought that his son would tire of him. He never did, instead, you rarely saw one without the other. At times he almost felt sorry for the boy, his son hated to be parted from what he had deemed his. Peleus had a hard time deeming his behavior human or godly, both were equally covetous.
In time, he grew to favor Patroclus, the boy had such a gentle nature and sharp mind. Peleus had taken to calling him Skops for both his intelligence and large dark eyes. Which reminded him of an owl, the sacred animal of the goddess, Athena. Perhaps she favored him, for his mind was very bright. His manner was always courteous, yet at the same time he was no pushover.
Never in his life had his son heard the word, “no.” Whatever it was he was happy to give to his child, and as Achilles grew often he had a hard time saying it fearing the boy would go with his mother in the sea. Thetis already had once come close to seducing him into the lure of waves, but something had changed her mind. She had allowed Achilles to totter back to him, and that fear stayed with him whenever she came to visit him.

Patroclus at first was afraid to speak his mind around his son. Soon enough he grew accustomed to advising Achilles when he went too far. Shockingly enough his son fell into line, so when he wanted his son to do something, he enlisted Patroclus’ help. His little Skops was like a second son to him.
A small shuffling noise drew his thoughts from the past. He saw his son, gentle cradling Patroclus in his arms, “ Goodnight, father,” he told him tilting his head at him. Peleus returned it. Patroclus had truly quelled his son’s unruly nature, the way he held him as if he was the most precious treasure in the world. That cemented his decision, he couldn’t tear them apart for whatever reason they were meant to be together. The Fates had paired them together for a reason, and he would not interfere with their plans. While they slept, he would burn the message. His son would not have his heart shredded for a petty war. A war to recover a wayward wife.Ridiculousness. War would come, but when they were old enough to handle it, for now, he was happy to have both of his sons home.
Patroclus was still quiet the next morning but didn’t reject him kissing him. However, Achilles went no further.
There was a knock at the door, Achilles hid a groan.
“Yes,” he answered tensely, impatient to be alone with Patroclus again.
“Your highness, your father sent up a bath. May we come in?”
Patroclus moved from him, to dress. This distance vexed him to no end, all he wanted was him near. To pull him back into his arms. For him to tell him what was wrong.
“You may,” he called. As the servant came in she gave Patroclus a curious glance but was smart enough not to comment. A few more maids filed to both bring in and fill the tub.
The water was boiling, leading to his temper getting out of hand. It wasn’t about the water, it was just frustration. Patroclus had been so cold towards him, and it was driving him insane. He hated this because deep down he felt as if the cause rested with him.
Patroclus had said nothing and only went to cool the water himself. That wasn’t what he had wanted.
Achilles wanted a reaction out of him. Patroclus would have never let him behave as he just had. Why was he was so despondent? What had he done to make him like so?
Pulling him into the bath with him, Achilles felt calmer. The water splashed over the floor, but having Patroclus so close made it worth it. Patroclus threw his now wet tunic to the floor, revealing his unblemished skin, only the raised slash on his thigh marred it. Still healing.
Dark bags hung around his eyes. How can I make you smile again, Patroclus. How can I put you at ease?
“Are you angry with me?,” he asked, settling him into his lap.
“No, my love,” was his response, it almost sounded rehearsed.
“Then why are you so quiet, you have said little to nothing these past few days.” Weeks, it had been weeks, truly. Achilles cupped his face, he nuzzled into it.
“Nothing bothers me. Achilles, I’m merely tired it has been a long journey home,” again his voice sounded so empty so flat.
“You were quiet even before we left Mt. Pelion, something is bothering you”
Patroclus said nothing but wrapped his arms around his neck.
“Don’t leave me, Achilles. Please,” he breathed in a rush.
Achilles wrapped his arms around his waist, “ Never,” he breathed.
Pushing back a curl that rested in his face. Achilles wondered what could have made him think such a thing. At least he was finally talking to him. Perhaps he would tell him what he promised to voice.A message came and Peleus eagerly tore through the seal thinking it another war summons. Scanning over the message, he frowned. He had to sit down for a moment to reread it. Chiron had sent it.
My dearest friend,

I pray that your health is well, I have something I wish to discuss with you. What I have to speak with you about is a very delicate matter, you must tell no one of this. Meet me in our usual place.

Yours,

Chiron

Chiron rarely sent him messages and even rarer asked him to meet with him. The last time they had met, he had been the one to summon him. Thetis had wanted Achilles to study under him, immediately and he was to go alone.
When the day came he had prepared for Achilles to throw one of his tantrums about leaving Patroclus, but he didn’t so much as kick up a fuss. His calm disposition had made him suspicious, then later that day Patroclus had disappeared. Peleus wasn’t even fazed, Patroclus and his son were often one minded at times. The mischief they got into, Gods. He had waved away the masters of arms concern about letting Skops follow Achilles. If anything Patroclus had nothing to lose and would devote everything he had to his son.
Peleus dreaded the day, that they would have to be parted. It wouldn’t be proper for Achilles to continue his dalliance with Patroclus. However, Achilles would be a nightmare to find a bride for as he vehemently would oppose him every step of the way. Hmm, he should also begin searching for a suitable young bride for his dear Skops. A pretty and gentle girl from a nice family would serve him well. When he found Patroclus a bride, he would have to marry them in secret, to keep Achilles from chasing after him. Then that in itself wasn’t a guarantee.Peleus doubted that Achilles would release Patroclus from his possession so easily after all these years had his undivided attention and affections. Oh, his poor Skops’s wife. A nice girl would have no chance against his son’s covetousness. A girl of feistier nature, who could compete against Achilles would be a better match to marry Patroclus.Sighing tiredly to himself, he would think of marriage matches in the morning. Tomorrow he would meet with Chiron. ____________________________________________________________________________Had he grown so old that he wasn’t sure what Chiron had just told him was the truth.
“Are you sure, my friend?” he asked once more and Chiron inclined his head once more.
“He is a carrier, I have seen the results of his bleedings myself.” Good Zeus, his son was truly favored by the Gods. A carrier was a sign of fortune and great status, to think his Skops could join their family permanently.
Peleus had to find purchase on a nearby rock to steady himself. Praise the Gods, his prayers had been answered.
“That is joyous news, my friend,” he exclaimed, but Chiron’s face held no cheer to it.
“This may seem to be good news my friend but can assure you it is not. Patroclus and Achilles have already started sleeping together, and shortly thereafter conceived a child.” They were a bit young to already have a child, but he didn’t mind it too much. His first grandchild, Praise Zeus. Was that the reason Chiron was so solemn, he believed he would be in trouble for not watching them more closely…
A wedding was an easy solution to this problem. Chiron’s next words shattered his hopes.
“He lost the child, Peleus,” he said, evenly gauging his face, “and it nearly killed him.”
“He lost the child,'' he echoed.
“Yes, he is far too young to carry a child to full term.” This only reaffirmed his decision, Patroclus was still a child. Gods.
“Does my son know that he lost the child?” he asked. Chiron shook his head, his tail swishing along with the movement.
“Patroclus bid to me to keep this from him, but I worry for him. The way they carry on, it will not be long before he is heavy with another child. Peleus, they must be separated,” Chiron told him before pausing, “ at least until his body can surely carry more securely.” That would explain his son’s explosive temperament and Patroclus’ indifference to it. His poor Skops was grieving and pushing his son away.
“You know as well as I do, they hate to be parted from each other long, They will find ways to get back to each other,” he sighed tiredly. Remembering how Patroclus had gone after his son, even after Thetis forbidden him.
Wait, that brought another question.
“You said my son didn’t know about the miscarriage. Does he even know Patroclus is a carrier?” Again Chiron shook his head. Peleus this time-pressed his full weight against the stone.
“You say, he nearly lost his life. How far along was he?” his eyes dampened with tears at the thought of the pain his dear Skops was in and his lost grandchild. To lose a child was a horrible thing. Especially with how young they were.
“ My best guess would put him at a month or two. Peleus, there was so much blood, he shouldn’t have survived.” The pain clouded in such young eyes, would forever haunt him.
“How did you hide such a thing from my son? I know from experience that the loss of a child is no easy thing to hide,” Peleus said. Gods, to think he could have them married and happy with a child. How foolish he had been. They were children still.
“I passed it off a hunting accident, an arrow to an artery near his thigh.”
“And my son accepted it? No questions asked?”
“Yes, my friend. He was too concerned with Patroclus’ health to worry me for small details.” They stood there in silence a moment longer. Chiron presumed he was still processing the information he had been given.
“Thetis,” Peleus said suddenly to Chiron’s confusion.
“Thetis?” he questioned. Peleus’ face had curled up into a hateful sneer.
“She has done this, I know her,” the older man had moved from the boulder to stand upright.
“ It appeared to be from natural causes, there was no evidence of foul play or…”
“ You must know how she hates my dear Skops, she would do anything to remove him from Achilles’ presence,” Peleus cut him off.
“You think she would end her own grandchild’s life.” Chiron had not thought of this. Then again Gods played by different rules than humans and other immortal beings. He had first-hand knowledge of their casual cruelty. The agony of his wound ever a reminder.
“I don’t give her enough credit to have not done so,” he finished solemnly.
“For she has aborted many children before, too disgusted to carry a child to term. Achilles was only born because she found out too late,” Peleus sighed.
Chiron was quiet because all knew of Thetis and Peleus’ unhappiness with each other. This was not his place to say anything.Although she had been given as his wife, he should have treated her more kindly. At the same time, Thetis was a sea goddess, not bound to the same legalities as mortal women. Her contract had been to be with Peleus until she bore him an heir. Instead, she purposely rid herself of every child dragging it out. The day Achilles had been born, she dove back into the sea coming every so often to see Achilles as he grew. Achilles had grown up surrounded by those who gave into his every wish and desire. Patroclus had been refreshing for the young prince, a friend, someone he could be true with. A lover to share his heart. Peleus was right, they were meant for each other. Fated. He had seen how Achilles tried to be gentle with him. Trying to separate them now would cause such hardship for them.

“In time, he could bear my son another child,” Peleus asked him pulling him out of his thoughts.“In time, yes. But this is dangerous not only for him but for the child as well. I do not wish to see him harmed, Peleus. He has yet to come into his hips,” Peleus nodded sagely.“It is too soon to marry them, but perhaps in a year or two, when they are older,” he said stroking at his chin. A marriage that would make his son happy as well as his ward. Chiron reluctantly bobbed his head. “In a year when he has sufficiently recovered,” Chiron affirmed.“I will arrange for their betrothal ceremony,” Chiron resisted the urge to sigh. Once Peleus put his mind to something, it would happen regardless of the consequences. Achilles was much the same, stubborn stubborn men. He prayed for his young student’s health, praying that their arrogance would not be his undoing.“Peleus, you must keep this a secret for the moment, from both Achilles and Thetis. If your assumption is correct then she will try again should he become with child again.” Chiron had all but broken his promise to his young pupil, but someone needed to know.
“And I promised Patroclus I would tell no one of what he perceives as his greatest shame. Please Peleus wait on their engagement. He will confess to Achilles when he is ready.”
Peleus’ green eyes took in his own, and the older man blew out a breath.
“Very well, my friend. I will be patient with them,”
“Thank you, Peleus,” Chiron inclined his torso towards him and he returned it.
“And you my dearest friend, thank you for telling me of this.”
Both parted ways with heavy hearts.
As King Peleus had promised a feast was held a day after they had arrived. Patroclus knew that no matter what Achilles said this was an announcement of war. Speaking of his lover.
Achilles had been apprehensive with him as if he would fall apart if a gust of wind blew too hard. Patroclus was trying to push through his grief, but even after all these weeks it still felt raw and open.
“Patroclus,” Achilles gently called already dressed in his chiton and sandals. He still sat on the bed his own crumpled in his hands. Had he zoned out that much?
Achilles sighed and knelt at his side, untangling his crumpled clothes from his hands“ Are you alright?” Patroclus didn’t trust himself to speak fearing a sob would come out instead.
A moment later he found his voice, “I’m alright, I just had other things on my mind. I’m sorry.”
Achilles smiled, taking his face between his hands, “Don’t apologize. I know you’re nervous but everything will be fine, I promise.”
“I’ll be there with you the entire time.” Achilles added, rising. Patroclus tried to smile, but it felt like a grimace. He just wasn’t quite ready to face the other nobles from around the kingdom, but Achilles needed him.
Patroclus blinked when he found Achilles’ hands in front of him, expecting him to take them?
“Come on, I'll help you get ready,” his lover uttered holding out another tunic, a rich green this time. A perfect match to Achilles’ emerald eyes, Patroclus stared a moment too long, so Achilles took that as the motivation to begin draping the fabric around him before securing it with pins.
Patroclus felt that this should have been the other way around, but he let Achilles finish. He needed to save his strength for tonight. Something felt wrong, however, he could only hope that his instinct was wrong.
“There all done.” Achilles exclaimed, tying his sandals. Suddenly Patroclus was gripping his face in between his hands, his eyes were wide with...fear. What was there for his love to be afraid of ?
Had someone done something untoward towards him? Any slight against him and they would answer for it.
“Mnh,” Achilles moaned into the kiss as his lover pulled through his hair. Of all the things he had not expected was Patroclus kissing him so fully and deeply. Achilles let his weight push Patroclus slightly back into their bed, as he deepened it. Patroclus broke away from his a moment later, his cheeks flushed so beautifully.
“Sorry, I don’t know why I just did that. I didn’t mean to…” His flushed even more when Achilles let his weight press more firmly against him, arms braced on either side of him.
“It’s fine, you never need to ask to kiss me.” Achilles teased, enjoying how lively his lover seemed right now, almost like his previous self.
“In fact, I would not mind if we kissed again,” Achilles let his breath tease at his neck,” In fact, we could do more than kiss if you desired it..” Patroclus was so red he appeared ready to faint, Achilles pecked his cheek before getting up. His teasing had gone on long enough, they were going to be late, but...
He let his eyes linger longer than warrantied on Patroclus red lips, lips that were swollen to perfection.
“Gods, you’re pure temptation.” he pouted and that got a soft laugh out his lover. Achilles found himself smiling, it had been days since he heard Patroclus laugh.
Achilles stretched a bit, “We should go.”
Patroclus returned his smile, “Before I tempt you to stay here all night.” Gods, he had been blessed tonight, he had glimpsed his smile.
“Then let’s go.” Achilles held out his hand and Patroclus took it. He almost wished to tell him of his feeling about the feast, but decided against it. As long as they were together nothing could harm them.__________________________________________________________________________________ When they entered the Great Hall, it was crammed with tables ladened down with food and servants rushing in between guests making sure cups were full. Others bringing in heavy platters of fruit and smoked meat. A small group of bards played in the corner, all in all, the atmosphere was lively. Until they felt it, that presence. Her presence.
The music ceased and the room at hand held their breath as she glided in. She was a beautiful yet terrible sight, of luminous skin, dark hair, and even darker eyes with lips as red as freshly spilled blood. All eyes were drawn to Thetis, her godly figure dwarfing all of the guards if not most of the people in the room. When she took her seat in one of the thrones, it looked like a stool for a child under her. Patroclus watched a moment longer to see if she would come to Achilles before her godly aura grew too unbearable and he turned his attention elsewhere.
Achilles was happy leading him around the room introducing him to various members of the court and visitors. It seemed that he was trying to avoid taking sides with either of his parents because if he greeted one before the other it would spell disaster. They mingled a bit more as Patroclus took stock of who he had been introduced to and if he could recall their names, Achilles was still in polite conversation with a minor visiting lord and his attendant, while his eyes were drawn to the other side of the room.
“Patroclus?” Patroclus turned slightly to acknowledge his lover but kept his eyes to men. The sinking feeling his stomach had only grown.
“Oh, they left.” Achilles snorted a bit leaning in toward his ear.
“Of course they left, by the way, did you notice that they were lovers?”
“They were?” Achilles huffed near his ear.
“But of course, you didn’t see the adoring look his lover was sending him. In the middle of a banquet how scandalous.” He rolled his eyes but was a tad curious at what made Achilles come to that conclusion, it wasn't as if they were obvious in any way.
“What makes you think that? Those could have been the look of a faithful vassal to his lord.”
“Oh~, when will you call me, My Lord,” Achilles teased, placing his hand more firmly at his back. Fighting down a blush, Patroclus decided to play along.
“My Lord,” he whispered back, “later.” Oh if the look on Achilles’ face had been priceless.
“I’ll hold you to it.”
However no matter who they talked with, he was always drawn to King Peleus.
The king was talking to two men, Patroclus couldn't make them out as their backs were turned but they looked familiar. Both were tall and appeared to have dark hair, but one he noticed had grey streaked through it. A sinking feeling settled into his stomach as they drew closer to them.Thinking fast, led Achilles away from them when the heralds blew the trumpet three times, signifying that the meal was to begin He froze, no, please. Peleus took his seat next to his sea goddess wife, who gaze spoke volumes of her hatred for him.
“Please guests take a seat and feast until your hearts’ content.” Achilles lead him to an elevated platform, he tugged his hand slightly out of his grip realizing there were only three spots set.
“Father, I do not see a spot for Patroclus,” in the noise of guests settling his voice sounded loud. Embarrassing loud, loud enough to draw unwanted attention.
He tugged at his grip again, “Achilles-.” he started but his lover only shook his head.
Patroclus tried again, “It doesn’t matter where I sit.” He could sit with the soldiers, it did not matter. Achilles persisted. His flush climbed even higher.
Achilles addressed his father, “ Patroclus is my sworn companion. His place is beside me.” Patroclus felt the heat of Thetis’ eyes on him, rejection her lips when Peleus nodded and gestured for the servants to set another place, thankfully far from Thetis. Satisfied Achilles settled next to him.
“You didn’t have to do all of that,” he whispered as his cup was filled.
Achilles smiled a little as he whispered back “Of course I had to, you one of the most important people in the world to me and I want you by my side now until we are old and gray.”
Oh how his heart fluttered a moment.
Patroclus spared Thetis a small glance, before whispering to Achilles “She’ll hate me even more now.”
Achilles flashed him a smile, “She already hates you.” Patroclus didn’t return his grin.
“That is hardly the point.”
Achilles held his hand, their fingers intertwined, “If she tries anything, I’ll protect you.” Again his heartbeat picked up. Gods he loves him.
“Achilles, let go,” he whispered as he realized the room was settling.
“I refuse, I’m not ashamed of you.” Pulling his hand away was only going to cause a scene so he let him be. Achilles grinned at him slightly before turning his attention back to his father.
Achilles may not have felt shame at flaunting their relationship but he had his reservation of how it would look. Especially now that he was barren.
Achilles felt Patroclus’ mood drop before his face revealed his discomfort. Of course, this was not Mt. Pelion he could not behave as he had there so he let their hands drop. Patroclus’ relief followed soon after.
“Sorry. I had forgotten we weren’t at home.” Achilles apologized softly. Patroclus found himself smiling, Achilles had called it home.
Their home.
At the thought his heart filled so he intertwined his fingers back with his squeezing them. Achilles’ soft smile was all he needed to be brave.
_________________________________________________
Thetis could barely contain her disgust, her son was so bold showing his affection for that slut in public. If this is how they behaved in public then the Gods only knew what they got up to in private.
Her only consolation was knowing that the little slut was barren now, Achilles could have him as much as he liked and nothing of consequence would come of it.
Yet, something still nagged at her. Why hadn’t Patroclus told or called for her son that day? Why had he chosen to bleed out?
Better yet why did he never tell him, surely Achilles would have noticed his pregnancy within such close quarters.
Then again what was the point in wondering? Nothing was to ruin her son’s destiny, and there was a price. She would pay it gladly.
No matter.

She looked away from Patroclus.
The cost.
________________________________________________
Although Patroclus tried to ignore it, all he could feel was Thetis’ eyes on him. Her piercing dark stare, but then Achilles squeezed his hand and whispered,“Don’t focus on her, only on me.”
He tried focusing on the spread in front of him, while it smelled wonderful he took only pieces of bread and a few sips of honeyed ale.
Achilles bless him was slipping him pieces of meat, trying to get him to eat more. He did but keeping his eyes on their guests.
The room suddenly fell silent, King Peleus had stood cup in hand.
“I have received word from Mycenae from the sons of Atreus, Agamemnon, and Menelaus.” His breath stopped so it was true, there was to be war. Under the table Achilles pressed in his leg to mine, they were as close as possible yet his heart would not stop racing. Oh Gods let it not be true.
“There has been a crime,” the king paused as if he was trying to find the right words,” The wife of Menelaus, Queen Helen has been abducted from the palace in Sparta.”
The hall fell silent at the mere whisper of her name, but soon the whispers were back.” All knew of the Queen of Sparta’s beauty and the rumors had only grown after her marriage. Few were allowed to even glimpse her face as her husband built walls around the palace and had guards at the ready. Yet even with all the precautions, he had taken she had been stolen.
“Or perhaps helped”, Patroclus thought.
King Peleus’ next words confirmed what he had already thought, “Menelaus welcomed an embassy sent from King Priam of Troy. At its head was Priam’s son, the prince Paris, and he is responsible for the crime of spiriting the queen from her bedchamber while the king slept.”
Mood in the hall had turned from speculation to outrage. Not only had Paris dishonored the sacred rule of hospitality by stealing the Queen, but he had also done so underhandedly in the cover of darkness. A real man would have fought for her outright. Then again there were rumors that Easterners were cowards as they much rathered to reek of perfumes and oils than pick up a weapon and fight. Personally, he had nothing against them if anything he wanted to see if they were as fascinating as Chiron made them out to be.
“Agamemnon and Mycenae appeal to the men of Hellas to sail to the kingdom of Priam for her rescue. Troy is rich and will be easily taken, they say. All who fight will come home wealthy and renowned.”
Ah, now it all made sense Helen was the excuse, an afterthought. He hid a sigh. Although he had not seen her face that day, he could have sworn her despair was much like his own, forced to do as they were bid and accept their fates. He pitied her because he had once been trapped yet now was free. She saw a chance for a way to be free of Menelaus and his birdcage and she took it. And for her choice, her kidnapping would serve as a reason to plunder Troy of its wealthy and women.
Patroclus knew that just from King Peleus’ words, many would die in her name. Wealth and reputation was always something men were ready to die for. He peeked at Achilles’ face for a reaction yet he gained nothing, either his lover was hiding his thoughts or processing the information. His gold was on the former. Achilles drove him up the wall with how secretive he could be with emotions or thoughts, by the Gods he had hidden that he was in love with him for years before confessing. Even getting him to confess his inner thoughts was like pulling teeth. Perhaps it was why he was such a phenomenal storyteller, he knew how to keep one on their toes.
“They have asked me to send a small delegation of men from Pthtia, and I have agreed.” The king waited once again for the room to settle, Patroclus admired the way he commanded a room whether it be words or silence.
“Through I will not take any unwilling man. And I will not be leading the army myself.” His sinking feeling had only grown.
“Then who will lead it?” a voice shouted from the table.
Peleus’ brown knitted together a moment before he said this, “That is not yet determined.”
His son of course, who else but his prince. His hand gripped at the bench, hoping to ground himself.
“No, this couldn’t be”, he thought, “Not yet.” Across from him, Thetis’ passive face mocked him. The realization hit him, she had known. She wanted Achilles to go.
His head spun everything had slipped away from him, their childhood, their child, and now even his lover.
Achilles is whom they truly wanted. He was born for war with his swift hands and feet, which would render Troy’s wall but dust. They would have him raise his spear at hundreds no thousands of Trojans and watch as he was triumphant with hands dyed in red.
Patroclus still reeling from the shock that war upon them and that they would have to go barely heard the king’s next words.
“Those who wish to join,” he gestured to Phoinix his oldest friend and their first teacher, “Lord Phoinix will note the names of all who wish to fight.” Benches scraped at the stone as men rose to have their names written. But Peleus held up a hand.
“There is still more.” Placing down his cup, he raised a piece of linen, dense with dark markings.
“Before Queen Helen’s betrothal to King Menelaus, she had many suitors. It appears that these suitors swore an oath to protect her, whosoever might win her hand. Agamemnon and Menelaus now charge these men to fulfill their oath and bring her home to her rightful husband.” The king then handed it to a herald who began to read the name on by one.
As he read Patroclus was whisked back to that time when he was a mere boy kneeling among heroes and kings for the honor of Helen, The Most Beautiful Woman in the Agean’s hand.
Patroclus tried to recall what he could about each name from various gossip and knowledge he had from that day.
….
Amphimachus

Ancaeus

Antilochus

Ascalaphus

Blanirus

Clytius

Odysseus, the crafty one who was to blame for this oath.

Menelaus, the man with hair as red as fire, and the man who wife left/taken from him. Patroclus wasn’t sure if he pitied him or hated him yet.

Ajax, a warrior who cracked ships with his skull. Also Achilles’s cousin, King of Salamis.

Protesilaus

Menestheus

Elephenor

Ajax the Lesser

Diomedes, the young king who had made a name for himself. Repaid those who betrayed his father and people.

Idomeneus

Teucer

Philoctetes, the bowman

Menoitiades.
Patroclus didn’t even flinch when his name was called, but others in the room were wondering. A vicious part of his reveled in the thought that his father’s name had diminished since his exile. Since they did not know him, then they would not know that he had a son, yet he had made an oath. He was bound to this war.
Achilles took a sharp breath next to him, hand reaching for him. His voice was low as if fearing someone would hear.
"You're there.” Patroclus only nodded his throat was too dry to speak. What a strange twist of fate, his only worry had been Achilles how to keep him here and now there was no hope for either of them.
Achilles continued to whisper, “Menoitiades is no longer your name, say nothing. We will go and consult Chiron and think of what to do.” Never before had he heard Achilles like such, each word was spoken in haste. His urgency brought a little awareness back to the situation at hand, war they were going to war. Oh Gods.The names kept coming and with them the memories.
Three women on a dais, and one veiled Helen. Golden treasures and his father’s frown. The coolness of the stone he knelt on. What at the time was a dream had suddenly become a very real nightmare.
After the herald finished Peleus dismissed the men and they rushed eagerly to Phoinix to enlist. The king cast his eyes at us, beckoning for us to follow him.
“Come I wish to speak with both of you.” Patroclus wondered if Thetis was coming as well before seeing her spot empty. When had she? Nevermind it.
As he followed his lover and King Peleus, he had only one thought.“Oh Helen, we never run from what the Fates had laid before us. Because the cost was decided long before we were born. We will always be trapped. You to be known for your beauty and only it and never free and me I will never get away from the shadow of my father”

“This is what a son should be. Not a weak and pitiful coward like you.”

Once again his son was once against him seeking comfort and advice, Peleus ran his fingers through his son’s golden curls, something he had always done to soothe him as a child. Perhaps he did it still to comfort them both, the fate he had sought to spare them had so easily come to their doorstep. No matter how he tried to conceal him or make excuses, they would not hear them except from his son’s mouth.
“I have called you home thinking you might have wished to lead the army. Yet I-.” Peleus struggled at how to word this without exposing what he knew.
Achilles looked up at him, “ I have not yet finished with Chiron.” His son had been away for three years, his time had come.
“You have stayed with Chiron longer than I did, than any hero before.” Achilles appeared shocked but only a moment before a smooth mask replaced it.
“I'm not responsible for when the House of Atreus loses their wives, nor will I fight in such a silly war for a mere woman. Even if she is reputed as the most beautiful woman in the world. I will not go.” His son’s temper was rising, and yet. Peleus subtly cast an eye at Patroclus, who had said nothing all night. For once he was on his own.
“While I don’t doubt that Menelaus rages at the loss of Helen, however, the messengers came from Agamemnon. He has watched Troy grow rich and ripe for years, and think that now is the perfect opportunity.” Achilles’ face again gave nothing away, at times it reminded him of Thetis.
Peleus hid a sigh continued, “You know what they seek, they will not leave until they have heard the words from you.”
Achilles snorted against him, emerald green much like his own looking up at him alight with annoyance, and dare he say a tad of fury. “You would have me grant them an audience.”
“I won’t and I will not go. There will be other wars. There is nothing to convince me of.”
Peleus nodded, “Yes there will be other wars, but what about Patroclus? He had been called to serve.”
His son’s mouth tightened further, eyes blazing daring him to take Patroclus away from him, “Menoitiades is no longer his name there for he is not bound to it.
He will not go, I will not allow it.”
Peleus believed a man was only as good as his word and yet there was truth in his statement. Patroclus was no longer bound to the oath due to his exile.
“Very well,” Peleus looked to Patroclus who was quiet at his feet, “Do you wish to go?”
When Patroclus’ dark eyes peered up at him, he already knew his answer.
“I do not wish to go, I apologize, your highness,” Patroclus said softly. He nodded briefly looking at his son.
“Such a thing is not for me to decide. I will leave this matter to you.” He said, again brushing his hands over his curls. His son was now a man, he had to make such decisions because he would not live forever.
“Achilles, men are coming to speak with you, kings sent by Agamemnon. Whether you go or not is your choice.”
Achilles appeared to have gained his meaning, “Yet regardless of my answer more will come if I refuse to grant them an audience.”
Peleus nodded. His son was quiet again, organizing his thoughts. Pride warmed at him, his son had grown so well.
" I will grant to them one simply to hear them out solely on the fact that I do not wish to disgrace our house.” Achilles said, “But no matter what they say I will not be convinced.”
Peleus smiled softly at his son, “That too is a matter in which I can not decide. All I can do is support you in whatever way you choose my son.”
Achilles again laid his head in his lap, Peleus relished it because their time together was so precious. His son was no longer a little boy and he was no longer a young man and yet no matter how old his son grew he would always hold his heart.
His precious child.
Now and always.

“Hello,” Peleus called gently to the newborn swaddled in a blanket. Cheeks soft and rosy, his golden hair shone like strands of pure sunlight. His son.

Thetis said little after the birth, but he could tell that even she was awed by their son.

“Achilles,” Thetis said, rising from the bed. Despite having just given birth to her stance was steady and sure.

For a moment he merely stared at her, wanting to tell her to rest. But he refrained, such words would not be welcomed. A son finally, such a handsome babe. Now what should father call you?

“His name shall be Achilles,” she said, holding her arms out for him.

His lips parted to refuse it when she spoke again, a sneer on her face “This is what has been foretold for him and what he shall be called. His destiny is to be greater than his father.”

Peleus gently deposited the infant back within her arms, her face softened as she brushed at his face. She held him a moment to brush at his curls before placing him in his cradle.

“He will remain here with you for now, but when the time comes. I will take him, know this mortal,” her dark eyes gleamed at him hatefully, “He is my child before he is yours and this will always be as such. You will wither and die but he will grow strong because my blood runs through his veins.”

With words of parting she left, and as if knowing his mother had left his son had begun to cry.

Peleus rushed to comfort him, his poor son. She had no right to say such cruel things only to leave.

“I’m here my son, I’ll never leave you. I promise you,” Peleus promised. Achilles responded in kind by wailing even louder.

Damn you Thetis.

Achilles and Patroclus stayed with him for a little while before departing. Thetis’ words were even heavier now, of course, men were coming to take Achilles and his lover to war. There was little he could do..
“Peleus.”A small smile graced Patroclus’ lips as they made their way back to their room. He too felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He couldn't resist.
Patroclus broke away from his eyes glazed over and cheeks red. By Aphrodite, he was gorgeous in Selene’s ray. His Patroclus.
All the nights in this room they had laid next to each other, with his heart beating crazily in his chest.
Achilles kissed him again, Patroclus eagerly responded tongue lapping at his own. Hands tracing and touching wherever he could find purchase.
Mischievous green eyes danced above him. He didn’t think or hesitant, pulling him down immediately. Fingers tangled into golden tresses to draw him ever closer.
“Mmh,” green eyes shut and Achilles’ weight pressed down on him further.

The room was stifling but he never wanted to leave this bed. Content with have Achilles wrapped up between his legs.Achilles drew away from him to rest his forehead against his. Patroclus looked so beautiful like this. Flushed from the tips of his ears to his chest. Yet, the brightness in his eyes held his very heart.
“I love you,” he breathed out, unaware that he had even said it.
“And I love you,” Patroclus returned softly. Achilles felt the blood rushing around his ears, and how his face reddened. A small laugh startled him, dark eyes peered up at him gleaming with amusement.
“You’re so red, My Lord,” his throaty laughter started again. Oh, he wanted to tease, then he would show him. Aligning himself, perfectly.
Giggles turn to moans as he thrusts into him. Fuck, he felt amazing wrapped around him. _________________________________________________________________________
They laid there, gently touching. Achilles’ fingers raking through his curls breathing in his soft scent and Patroclus did the same.
Achilles pressed even closer, his heat overwhelming him.
“If you have to go, know that I will go with you,” he whispered drowsily, “Always.”
“And I would follow you anywhere you even into Hades, Achilles.” Achilles chuckled a soft thing against.
“Sleep.”Thetis watched in disgust as her son laid tangled around his whore. Let them have their time together.
Soon they would be parted, and her son would never see him again. She would make sure of it. Patroclus would be the ruin of her son, the longer he stayed at his side. Everything she had done had led up to this moment.
It was time, the eve of her son’s destiny. Nothing was to ruin this.
____________________

Achilles had told him to sleep and yet.
He sat up just watching him sleep, observing that the furrow between his brows had eased. He supposed that his grief had leaked into his lover, Achilles always knew what was bothering him before he knew it.
He took a deep breath.
“ I'm sorry,” he muttered to the quiet room, moving a golden curl from his forehead.
“I'm so sorry, my love. For being cruel to you,” he uttered kissing his lips lightly, “Hurting you because I was.”
“I shouldn't have taken my anger and grief out on you. None of this was of your choosing.”
“I never meant to blame you for the loss of our babe,,” he thought. These were words he could never speak out loud, due to how they still stung him.
“The blame was solely my own. I should have been more careful with him.”
“But if I lost you, it would kill me.” I beg you not to be swayed by the words of war. It is nothing as you think. Blood will be spilled and…. I fear so much for you._________________________________________________________“Mfhmm,” Achilles struggled against the strong arms, who would dare kidnap him. If this was Agamemnon’s men doing then even if they kidnapped him, there would be Hades to pay when he got free.
“Sh, my son it is only me. Don’t struggle.” He froze and while her words were meant to comfort, all he felt was dread. Why now? Of all the times now was when she chooses to appear. Never he would not go with her. He would not go to the sea caves, if he did, he would never be the same.
“Let go of me, mother,” he hissed. Patroclus turned in his sleep, Achilles tried to break out of her grip to get to him. No, they could be separated again.
“Don’t fight me, Achilles I mean you no harm. Come with me.” His mother pleaded again.
“I don’t want to go with you, release me.” Achilles cried freeing one of his arms.
He fought to get his other one free when she whispered, “Sleep, go to sleep it’s alright. Mother’s here” She had to hurry Odysseus was coming to whisper his honey poisoned words in her son's ears and Achilles would fall for it and be made lesser for it. No, if he was to go then he would go on her terms. Her son bowed to no man.
Achilles finally fell limp in her arms, she lifted him and glided to the door.
Casting one last glance at Patroclus who slept peacefully under her influence. By the time he woke up, it would be too late.
Much too late.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

The atmosphere was suffocating on Skyros. Depressing and dull. Day in day out it was cleaning, embroidery, dancing, and gossiping. If he had to hear about that same kitchen boy again, he was going to scream. He wasn't all that handsome in fact in his opinion he looked like a flat face dog but he supposed it was due to him being one of the few males on the island that was around their age.

Well one of the few, not counting himself.

Patroclus would probably laugh endlessly at him if he ever saw him for the way Achilles was dressed. For the Gods’ sakes, his long blond hair was bound up in a scarf and veil, muscular arms were covered in shawls. His legs were covered in long dresses. His mother’s hope was for him to keep up this charade, as long as he could. This flimsy disguise would not hold for long. In fact, he hoped it would give out soon, he hated this place.

Skyros was all the more suffocating because he missed Patroclus. He needed him. Slowly he was going insane here. Each day without him felt like death. He was dying here, without his bright smiles and laughter that sounded like pure music to him when he did. Gods, he hated here. Hated this feeling of helplessness and despair. This loneliness, he needed him. So much that his heart hurts always, his very soul hurts.

Her newest sister seemed to be melancholy. For all she did was stare out at the waves. Waiting for a lover that would never return for no one ever came or left Skyros freely.

Visitors were rare and Phyrra’s appearance would have been refreshing had she not been so sad.

She was very beautiful from what could be glimpsed from the veil. Hair was golden like the Sun and the figure was both slim and tall. Surely she would have been married with a child by now had she not been here.

What could have caused her to be here? Rumors around the palace varied but most if not all said she had been abandoned.

“She was disgraced, spreading her legs for the wrong man. Now, no man will marry her now,” her more haught sisters tittered as if they were not sent here for the same reason.

Her tutor whispered that she had been abandoned by her lover for his wife.

She turned away from the window.
 
“

I pity her

,” she thought.
 
Deidameia had never been in love, but to be abandoned by the one who promised to love you above all. It must have been heartbreaking. It was a wonder the poor girl even got out of bed and did anything at all.

If she was ever in Pyrrha’s position, she would just jump into the waves. Such betrayal would kill her.

Achilles was missing and none would tell him where he was or they weren't permitted to. King Peleus seemed to have an inkling of where Achilles was. Yet every time he asked to see the king. Peleus was always "busy" and a servant would escort him back to Achilles' empty room to rest. How could he even think about sleep when their room was devoid of his lover’s presence? Achilles’ overbearing warmth at times, his awful snoring, his-

Patroclus stopped for a moment to bury his nose into Achilles’ pillow, the scent of sweat, pomegranates, and sandalwood drifted up. Tears came again. Three weeks he had been three weeks without him. And slowly but surely he was going insane, just from being away from him. His heart and soul hurt. All he wanted was Achilles.

Every part of his being was crying out for him.

Achilles where are you, tell me so that I can find you.

Peleus knew Patroclus was suffering but what could he do. Telling him would do no good, Thetis would take vengeance on him if he so much as stepped on a ship. However she was not omnipotent, she could not know if…

No, it was too risky and the boy had yet to recover. He could not allow anything to happen to Patroclus. Gods help him if something did. Achilles would never forgive him, so for now his son-in-law would rest and recover. When and if Thetis grew tired of her games, Achilles would return too.

He just hoped that he could bear watching Patroclus wander around the palace looking so heartbroken. First his child and now this. Gods, the guilt was killing him.

However he was doing this for them, so they could build a future together.

Peleus could only hope that they would forgive him for his role.

Not for the first time, he cursed the day he had been married to Thetis. All it had done was bring them both misery and cause their son to be torn between worlds.

In the weeks since he had come, he spoke little to his fellow “sisters”. He attended his chores and Princess Deidameia’s dance practices dutifully.

Gentle and graceful moments were expected from them, unfortunately for him, his unnatural grace had caught the princess’s eye. Which was why all of the other girls were sent to follow his example. He could tell they pitied him for she was a hard mistress to please.

“Pyrrha,” Deidama called him one day after practice. Internally he groaned, all he wanted was to be left alone. Word from his mother should be coming any day now and he could leave.

“Yes, Your Highness?” he kept his words light and lilting to disguise his masculine tone.

“Take a turn around the garden with me,” she asked but he heard the command.

“Of course, Your Highness.” he choked out, suddenly thankful his veil didn’t show his displeasure.

_______________________________________________________________-

The garden was pleasant enough with trees and flowers and a small fountain bubbling in the center of it. A servant brought them refreshments as they walked. Achilles was minorly impressed at how she had everything ready almost as….if it was planned.

So he waited if this was like anything that his fellow sister told him just play along.

“

Allow her to think you have been swayed then she will trouble you no longer.”

Obedience, he could play that role well.

Deidameia led him down another path, here he smelt the salt of the sea. They were headed toward the beach. Achilles turned back briefly to see that the servants that had shadowed them were gone.

“Pyrrha, why is it every day that you come here to watch the sunset?” Deidameia asked, turning toward him.

His breath caught, how could she ever understand? Who waited for him beyond this island.

“My lover, I must return to him.” Deidamaia shook her head.

“It has been weeks, you must let him go. Few come here and even fewer come to retrieve their lost lovers.” So many of her sisters had been sent to her for reasons of love, broken promises, and disobedience but Pyrrha would soon see reason. They had their place as women, they did not matter in the grand scheme of things. Her own mother had died giving birth to her and yet her father simply took a mistress before she was cold. They were disposable and the sooner she learned the better.

“Let him go, Pyrrha he isn’t coming back.” Achilles hid a snort, Patroclus hadn’t left him here his mother had.

Aim to sound desperate.

That wasn’t hard to fake in fact it was very true.

“I refuse, he did not leave me. I left him after…” Pyrrha started then stopped, “He was already in agony when I left- no when I was taken. I do not wish to be here.” She clung to her chiton, she gently pried her fingers away. Please help me get back to him.” She sighed, she thought this girl would be different that she would see the fault in her reasoning. All of her sisters had tried bargaining with her in the beginning to no avail, after all, what power did possess. The decisions of ships and such were left to her father.

“I would if I could, but I have no such power.” At that, the last bit of hope went out of her elegant figure.

Prryha signed a long and mournful sound, “I understand.”

Finally, she was getting it, now she could truly be welcomed into the fold.

Deidameia smiled, leading her back up the path to the garden, “Good, then I hope you’ll lead dance practice tomorrow.” He nodded.

“It won’t all be bad, we’ll have fun together. I promise we’ll be like real sisters..”

Achilles hid a shiver, at how quickly she had gone from helpless to cheerful at his compliance. At least he knew what to expect from what the others had told him.

“

She revels in our misery because we are all trapped here. Forced to stay here until we are married or…dead

.”

He didn’t plan to be here long, just long enough to satisfy his mother’s insane wishes. A dress and a veil who was his mother trying to fool. For now, he would have to keep his head down. Praying he wouldn’t be discovered.

Mother, mother. Mother answer me…..please

Thetis sighed as once again her son was praying to her. No doubt asking for his precious cow-eyed whore to be brought to him or to leave Skyros.

Achilles had no patience, he would leave when she deemed him ready. Not when he wanted to leave. He would leave and for what to be plunged headfirst into a war with no idea of what to expect, forced to kneel for a king that saw him as a weapon, a tool. No.

Mother, I know you can hear me.

His call this time sounded a tad more petulant.

Thetis drew a breath, Achilles had fared without her before this time was no different. He was no in danger, her illusions would hold for as long as he kept his veil on. Yet, she longed to comfort him since she had all but snatched him from his bed. Placed him on a ship, and forced him into a dress and veil.

Achilles had fought her much of the trip but was placated by the promise that Patroclus would be brought to him. An empty promise of course, but her son was still so trusting. She would have to alleviate him of that for not everyone had his best interests at heart. Patroclus had the most to gain from her son’s fame, and his little trick to have her Achilles impregnate him had been only the beginning.

Mother….

His call had grown quieter, she hoped he would realize how his query was foolish and to return to his room. There was already talk of “Pyrrha” expecting a child of the lover who abandoned her. Ha. Perhaps she should go if only to make sure he did not draw any more unwanted attention. The princess had already taken a shine in “Pyrrha”, hoping to be friends with her. Such a stupid and spoiled girl she was, people were not toys to be played with for your amusement.

And yet, perhaps she could find a use for her yet.

___________________________________________________

“
Achilles.
” Achilles turned to face his mother.

“Mother.” By the Gods, finally, he had been standing here for hours in the frigid water.
“I’m here, what is it you wish to discuss? If this is about you leaving here, then you already know my answer.”
Her son shook his head, “I know mother, it’s just…” trailing off slightly, “... What if they discover my sex, I would be shamed.”

Thetis cupped his face, “You have nothing to fear, my love. I have made sure that none will discover you and if they do, I can silence them.”

Achilles sighed, “Mother, I’m male and not meant to be in such an intimate company with women. It is not proper.” She mulled over his words, it was true that he had spent little company around women only seeing his nannies and serving girls around the palace. Achilles had spent much of his hormonal fueled adolescence with Patroclus, so it was no wonder he felt shy.

“
You have a pure heart and mind, my son. I know you would never lay hands on an innocent woman.
” Achilles’ lips parted to say more but she hushed him, “
If I had any inkling of inappropriate behavior, I would not have hidden you here.”

Her son’s face softened at her praise, “Thank you for your trust, mother.”

It was moments like these she was grateful for Achilles’ kind if somewhat naive nature, how thoughtful he was of the needs of others. He was a good child, and a fine man he was growing into. Honorable nothing like his father.

Though she had to wonder, he was grown now. Peleus and she had yet to make his marriage arrangement. She hid a sneer if left to her husband just any woman would be brought or even worse Patroclus himself. As long as they would bear Achilles a healthy son it did not matter.

“
Why has someone caught your eye? Tell me and I’ll make the arrangements.
”

Achilles broke away from her hands, shy again, “No, mother nothing of the sort. I still..” He paused but didn’t continue. Of course, Achilles still hoped to see Patroclus again, he would only ever consider him. This she would not allow.

“
He will come when I deem it time.
” Her words appeared to have chastised him, and he reigned in his emotions.

“Yes, mother.”

“
I know that you wish for it to be sooner, you must be patient.
” Achilles nodded, but she heard his small sigh. He thought she was being cruel.

“
Everything I do is for you, please know this,”
she said it was true. Never did she want her child to feel as if she did not love him because by Zeus Achilles was her blessing. Her everything.

“Of course I know, mother. Everything you have sacrificed is for me.” Achilles returned.

“
You are so close to greatness, my love. Be patient with me and every path will open to you.
” Thetis assured him, touching his cheek once more.

Achilles nodded once more, “Yes, mother.”

As she turned from him, something nagged at her.

Was it right to deceive him? Her son trusts her so wholeheartedly and yet she had betrayed him.

No this was for his own good.

The waiting was driving him to near insanity, so to take the edge off Patroclus spent much of his time in the library scouring old and new maps trying to decipher where Achilles could have been taken.

Thetis is only one with the means to spirit Achilles away in the middle of the night, so she must have taken him.

Patroclus froze, she wouldn’t have.

Achilles had often joked that his mother would take him to the sea caves if he misbehaved. Yet, if it was the sea caves then Peleus would be more worried. There had to be another place she had taken him to, he just had to find where.

Or better yet, ask Peleus himself.

He had caught the older man’s lingering glances of guilt. Guilt at what? This is what he intended to find out.

Rising from his tower of scrolls, ventured to the Peleus’ rooms. At sight of him, the guards crossed their spears.

“The king is resting.” Patroclus bit at his lip. Nothing new, it was the same list of excuses, “He is resting, or in council, etc.” The truth was that Peleus was the only one who knew where his beloved was. So he would bid his time.

“Then I will wait here.” They exchanged glances, usually, he took their words at face value and left it at that. Today he was feeling less charitable.

The afternoon dragged on and at the changing of the guards, they still refused to let him see the king. So, his next step was to see Phoinix, Achilles’ counselor. A person who loved Achilles like his own and had a hand in raising him since infancy.

“Patroclus, what do I owe such a visit?” The older man greeted Patroclus cordially at his greeting and he felt the first smile of the day peek through.

“Teacher, I- have no one else to ask. Achilles is missing, yet-” Phoinix held up a hand.

The older men gestured for him to follow him down the hall. At the end of one of the halls, he glanced around before lifting a tapestry. Revealing a bare stone wall, pushing against a stone, it opened.

“Follow me, quickly,” he said, pulling him in.

There in the tunnels, he spoke. Kind brown eyes illuminated by the torches, “I take it Peleus did not tell you.”

Patroclus could only nod pitifully.

“I’m sorry,” he said kindly, “As you probably know by now his mother has him. Where she had taken him, we do not know.” The older man looked solemn, everyone in the palace was mourning the loss of their bright prince, stolen as he slept.

“Come now child, you must rest now,” Phoinix said leaning him further through the tunnels, “There are eyes and ear throughout this palace, so be mindful of your words and actions. Peleus will speak to you when they can no longer see or hear.”

________________________________________________

After that Patroclus found himself back in the hallways near his and Achilles’ room. Glancing back only the soft thud of the rock showed that it hadn’t been a dream. Achilles was truly gone and that Thetis’ influence stretched so far.

How could he have been so naive, of course, they had not been safe here. All those years with Chiron shielded from both the court and Thetis’ scrutiny had let them let their guards down.

Of course, Thetis had sought to separate them, after all the time he and Achilles had spent together, she feared his heart was soft.

If she had taken him to the sea caves, it was to burn every last bit of humanity out leaving nothing but the callous and petty nature of the Gods in its place. Sitting on their bed he felt hollowed out, hugging Achilles’ pillow. Tried to inhale what little of his scent was left, he was trying to pull himself together. Yet, there was only so much grief he could take.

Only the faint scent of his lover lingered as his tears fell.

As if a fog had lifted from his eyes, his tears dried and he found the same passageway. Letting his feet lead him where only they knew the path. Guiding by the torches, he came to stop at a particular place, almost in a trance pulled the torches entering the dimly lit room.

In the candlelight, Peleus sat by the fire as if he had been expecting him. Waiting for him.

“Patroclus,” the older man called to him, gesturing from him to sit.

“Phiniox showed you the tunnels didn’t he?” Patroclus could only nod, the king nodded.

“As he should have.” The king then offered him wine, Patroclus felt as if he should have declined but with everything lately, accepted it.

Sipping at it, he felt his nerves ease a tad, however, that ever-present ache was still there.  The silence was ever-present between them until the king broke it.

“Achilles-,” he began, fingers coming to rest at the bridge of his nose, “Thetis has taken him as I’m sure you are now aware.”

“I’m-” the wave of pain was coming yet again.

“But why now?” Patroclus had to ask.

Peleus sighed, “I wish I could fully explain it, but I have no answer for her behavior either.”  Where he could even begin, that his goddess wife was aggravated by more than just the war coming to their shores, she did it purely to spite Patroclus.

Thetis has always hated Patroclus, for the petty reason of holding their son’s heart. She felt replaced, usurped from her imagined place in their son’s heart. Achilles adored his mother there was little she could do to ever be replaced in his heart despite her abysmal treatment of him. Thetis’ treatment too was his fault, his son- Nevermind that now.

Patroclus was still patiently waiting for him to continue. Peleus placed his cup down.

“She has taken him-,” a muffled thump startled them both. The door creaked open revealing it was only Phiniox.

“Apologies for my intrusion, Your Highness.” Peleus waved him off, inviting him to sit with them.

While he was finally getting somewhere, Patroclus was a tad impatient. So he asked again where his lover was, “Where is he?”

Both men glanced at each other as if deciding whether the truth would be beneficial to him.

Patroclus found himself pleading, getting on his knees before the king placing his hands at his knees, “Please tell me where he is?” He is at his mercy now, to know after these weeks sent in the dark.

For a moment, the king did not move, but he could hear the faint sound of his heart beating.

The king gripped his arms but did not try to raise him up in his ear whispered one word, “

Skyros

.”

Then that is where he would go.

“See Phiniox in the morning, he will give you what is need for the journey.” Patroclus bowed

Sending his future son-in-law back to his room to rest, he wondered if he had made the right decision. The Gods only know what Thetis had planned for him when he arrived. Yet, when he saw the relief in his face, he couldn't find it in himself to regret. There was little doubt in his mind that Patroclus and Achilles were soulmates, with the way he grieved. Peleus assumed it was much the same for his son, perhaps even worse. Now they were to be reunited, he had hopes that when they returned a wedding was to be held. Perhaps even a few grandchildren tottering around waiting to be doted on.

Ah, he was getting senile in his old age, he had forgotten. As soon as they returned there was to be no wedding, only planning for war. His grandchildren would be born far away from him in a war camp. Or if Thetis continued her ways, they wouldn’t be born at all.

Thetis had no idea that by hurting Patroclus she was hurting their son by proxy. Gods help them all if Patroclus struggled in any way to have a child, Achilles would go mad. His tantrums as a child would not compare.To how he would bring all of Greece to its knees for his Patroclus being taken from him. Losing one’s soulmate was a punishment he won’t wish on anyone.

“Again.”

Achilles hid a groan as once again, they were rehearsing a dance. Rehearsing for who, he didn’t know. The only people who watched them dance were the king and some of the court, yet Deidameia pushed them as if expecting visiting dignitaries. He hid his snort as a cough. As if anyone would want to come to such a sad island.

What was the point of this if only to please his spoiled mistress? Then again there was little else in means of entertainment of this dull little island. His dance partner subtly hit him in the ribs, Achilles hid a wince for a woman she was quite strong.

“Pay attention,” she hissed through clenched teeth, “If I have to redo this dance because of you Pyrrha I will smother you in your sleep.” Achilles felt a grin at her words since he had gotten here she had looked out for him the most. Without her he would be lost, an unwilling victim to Daidamia’s whims of fancy. For some reason only known to him, Deidamaia had singled him out of her group of “doting” foster sisters.

He had been forced to tend her every order and demand even the most irregular with her other favorites. Gods forbid he was even a minute late to practice he was forced to take center with her with little to no knowledge of the dance. Unfortunately for her, he stole the focus from her every time. Achilles knew how her blood boiled at the thought of not being the center of attention. Yet none could deny their combined grace, they held every eye captive when they performed.

To further add to her fury, Achilles still went down to the shore every evening after dinner. Something in his heart- no his soul pulled to him the sea and there felt Patroclus’ soothing presence closer than anywhere else.

Perhaps she and his mother shared a common trait, they hated his defiance. It was a shame that he would never fully bend to their desires.

Damn his mother. And damn Deidameia especially, she was brat much the same as him but he had outgrown his spoiled and small-minded nature. Patroclus had been the reason, he had shown him so much. He had given so much his kindness, laughter, sunny smile- Achille stopped when he had last seen Patroclus smile carelessly and happily unplagued by shadows.

“

I love you

.” The last time Patroclus had said such things, the words he held in his heart, that kept him sane. The words that gave him hope. Hope that they will be reunited.

Sea salt air lightly misted at his face as he descended further down the port. Patroclus stopped for just a moment to pull his cloak more securely over his head even if the clouds covered the moon. There was little risk he was willing to take with Thetis or her spies catching him. Besides he owed this to the king who had so kindly told him of his prince.

Sweat felt as if it was dripping out of his every pore, he couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t the first time when everything felt too much, too hot and crammed up in his small bed. Sneaking a glance at the other girl, he quickly dressed. Praying to nearly every god that he would not be discovered because how else would he seek to explain why a young “woman” was out well past curfew. Dressed in very few layers, but that was a matter for a different day because he was going stir crazy in here. If he didn’t take this chance, there was a high possibility of him stripping off his dress at dinner and frightening all of his fellow sisters and the king himself. Damn his reputation.

It would serve his mother right, his vicious mind supplied as he stole past the alcove that led to the sea.

Digging his toes into the mushy sand, Achilles felt a sense of calm. Calm that only the being by water could bring. Taking a deep breath, let his body relax and-off he went. Chest barely heaved as his feet danced along the sand just barely touching it. How long had it been since- he had felt free? Free of his mother’s expectations, of eyes watching his every move, of -. 
 
Achilles would have let out a whoop of joy would have not brought unwanted attention. He felt delirious at the thrill of it all, the freedom. Though the water he could feel. Feel his presence coming ever closer.

Patroclus.

Soon they would be together again, Gods how he could not wait to be reunited with him.

______________________________________

She could only stare in horror-struck awe, Pyrrha was a man. In the back of her mind, she had always found the other girl to have a queer manner about her from her tall stature to how she was always… veiled and covered. She and her fellow sisters had thought that was due to the customs of her homeland to be so tall and veiled. Never had she expected her to be a man.

A man of such primal strength, yet he was also so graceful moving as dancing with his feet only briefly touched the ground. How foolish of her for not having to see it, that he had been more than just a human. Pyrrha of course had been an enigma at court for her skill and grace in dancing yet here he floated instead. Like a God coming to whisk her away. Deidameia would gladly go anywhere this beautiful man-no God asked her to. Her heart was his, stolen under the heavenly glow of Selene’s rays.

She should have his name going to approach him, stopped suddenly remembering her virtues. No man would take her seriously if she approached so boldly, and if he was keeping his gender a secret from her. Surely he had his reasons and he had caused no harm to her or her ladies. Which could only speak for his great character.

Tomorrow she could confront him, and tomorrow he would fall for her charms. She could be a lady of great myth in helping a God or displaced prince displaced from his homeland.

_______________________________________________________

Achilles spirited under the moonlight with no care, running just as wild as he did at home. Unaware of the eyes on him. Lawless boy. She seethed at the sight of him so blatantly disregarding his disguise. Anyone could see him and it would spell disaster for them both, her plans would have been for naught. 
 
A soft gasp of breath drew attention to a small alcove hiding a figure. Creeping silently whoever had seen would have to be silenced. Achilles could not afford to be exposed, not at such a stage. Damn that son of hers. He should have just obediently kept a low profile, but of course, he had to be caught.  Thetis cursed again, her son’s reputation would be ruined just as he had feared.

The princess Deidameia had seen him without the veil she had so carefully obtained from Hephaestus, with it his sex would have gone unnoticed. Unfortunately, he had ripped it from his head to run like a savage. Idiot boy. Who would no doubt run off to tell her father of the man who snuck to be among them. She would have to put an end to this, she stopped to observe the princess a tad longer, who had not run to her father instead her eyes held an awestruck expression. 
 
Pitiful girl.
 
Thetis felt a grin stretch across her face, perhaps not all was lost. A deal could be struck in exchange for her silence. One they could all benefit from.

_____________________________________________________

Achilles usually woke to the Sun streaming over his face, instead he awoke to his mother’s grim face. Black hair pooled around his face like tendrils of ink.

“
Get up, you have been discovered.
”

Blood drained from his very face at his mother’s words. No.

“What do you mean I have been discovered?”, a well of panic bubbled up, “Mother you said none-.”

“
Silence,
” she hissed, “
It is due to your own folly that we were discovered.”

“I-,” he tried to argue but she would take none of his excuses.

“
I hope that your little midnight run was worth all that you have lost due to your foolishness.
”

“Who had seen me, surely we-,” Achilles stopped there, surely he could still fix this. A person’s tongue could be brought for the right price or even cut out if they would not be brought. His mother’s next words shattered all hope of that.

“
The princess has seen you,
” she said, primly arranging herself on his cramped bed. His heart sped up in his chest, a princess would never agree to be brought off at the chance that her chastity was called into question. And to silence her, they could never violate the hospitality rules. Because knowingly or not she and her father had sheltered him from war, to repay their kindness in such a way would bring the Furries with haste. To think his simple run had exposed them….

Achilles closed his eyes briefly.

“I’m so foolish…” His mother shifted, her tone almost warmer now.

“
You have been foolish, yet it does not mean that I can’t now fix this.
”

“What would you have me do mother, there is no coming back from this. I have ruined everything.”

His mother’s dark eyes bore into him, “
Not everything, I have spoken with her, she will not expose you.
”

He scrambled to sit up, “Truly?!”

“
Truly,
” she paused for a moment, “
Let this be a lesson to you not to act so recklessly in the future. All of your actions have consequences, and not all of them are so fixable.
”

“Thank you mother,” he said looking down at his clenched fists.

“
Don’t thank me yet, the princess has specified what it will take to buy her silence. The price I’m sure you will not be willing to pay.
”

“Whatever it is, I'm sure, we can come to an agreement,” Achilles met her with clear eyes.

A thrill shot through her, was his reputation so highly valued that he would abandon his so-called love for Patroclus all the better for her purposes.

He continued, “Our land is bountiful, a trade agreement should be easy to draw up. Father would even applaud me for working to bring in new agreements.” Ha, what did Skyros have but jagged rocks and dour land? There was little of value here. Yet she would give him a moment, but to her despair, he continued. Surely...

“Mother would it not be a wonderful way to grow relations in exchange for their generous hospitality.”

Thetis could find no words to speak, her son truly had no self-awareness. The girl was obviously seeing him as a worthy candidate for marriage with both his bloodline (her bloodline) and status as a prince. Patience, she had to remind herself that her son had little experience with the fairer sex, he was clueless when it came to such things.

“
Achilles, she wishes to enter into marriage with you. This is the only thing she will accept. She has seen you worthy for not just your pedigree but character.
”

The hope that had been blooming in his eyes wilted so quickly, she nearly regretted speaking with the girl. However it must be done, the war was coming.

“Mother you know I can not marry her,” her son was pleading now, for her to find any way to free him from this.

His mother’s tone grew cold, then “
What other choice do you have? Not marry her and be exposed and shamed. A deserter who hid in women’s skirts.
”

“Mother,” he nearly boomed before remembering his location, “It was your choice to hide me here among women and now you blame me.”

Her hair shifted behind her, its once calm tendrils now writhing and aggravated “
Don’t blame me for this, had you hidden yourself as I told you. You would not have to marry her, yet here we are.
”

“I can’t and you know that I can't.” His voice was bitter now, but he made a fatal mistake. Now he had done it. He had hinted at his affections for Patroclus. She would spare him no sympathy now, for whenever Patroclus’ name was mentioned it was if the air had been poisoned between them.

“Mother-,” he started trying to stem the damage.

“
Enough, I will hear no more of your excuses. You will marry her and that is the end of it.
”

“Mother, please-” there was traitorous heat taking up space behind his eyes, he tried to blink it away.

“
I have said what I have said. Be ready I will come again to speak with you when the preparations are complete.
”

“You’re doing this to punish me,” he accused, “not just disobeying you but because-.” Achilles stopped as his mother’s cold hands gripped his face. He would not struggle nor would he show her any weakness.

“
Of course you blame me when things go wrong never taking into account your own actions,
” she crooned, her grip growing even tighter, “
I always have to clean up your messes, and this is the thanks I get. Accusations,”
He would not flinch now if he did..she would clamp down.

“ Because Achilles, I promise you that all I do is not out of spite. Everything I have ever done or sacrificed has ultimately been with your wellbeing in mind, always.  I’m your mother and all I want is the best for you. Please believe this.
” She released him, Achilles had to fight the urge to rub at his face, as it felt frozen.

“I-I apology mother, I know you do all of this for my sake and I have not been grateful. I should not have accused you. But I-.”

Thetis could already feel another agreement brewing within him, “
Yes
,
I know you say you love that boy, but what you feel for him will pass. Lust always runs its course.
”

“It’s-.”

She cut him off, “
It is a phrase all-boys your age go through this as they separate from their lovers. It will pass as you marry and have children.
” Her words brought a further fraction to his heart, of course, they would have been separated to pursue marriages but he didn’t think it would be soon.

Wetting his lips, he spoke again, “When can I see him again..” If he was to marry then he had to see Patroclus, he needed him. He needed him to strengthen his heart.

“
Behave and we shall see.
” was all she said, but to his ears, he didn’t hear a resounding “no”.

“Thank you mother,” he exclaimed.

His mother said nothing as she disappeared from his sight, no doubt peeved with him for his barefaced declaration of love for his Patroclus. 
________________________________________________________________________________
Patroclus was more than just a hormonal fueled fling, he was his very heart. If his mother thought marriage would stop him from being with Patroclus, she was wrong.

Patroclus was his, just as much as he was his. No would come between them, not even a wife. A wife whom he would pay no attention because why did he need her when he had his Patroclus.

_________________________________________________________

Deidameia took care in her dressing this morning, for she was to meet Pyrrha no Prince Achilles. After his goddess mother had discovered her watching him, she had proposed that they marry. She would be like Megara to Hercules, the wife of a demigod, and if she bore him a son. Her child would be a child of both royal and divine blood. To think she had been blessed by such good fortune, she could leave this accursed island forever. Dabbing a few more drops of oil between her breasts checked her reflection in the bronze mirror.

She was ready to confront Prince Achilles.

____________________________________________________

“Pyrrha.” Achilles’ breath halted at the sound of his false name. No doubt did the princess wish to confront him about sneaking among her ladies.

Deidameia addressed the room at hand, “You are all dismissed.” He didn’t dare hope that he would be spared from her attention, “ except of course for Pyrrha.”

His fellow “sisters” gave him looks of pity as they filed out of the room, no doubt relieved that it had been him and not any of them.

When the door finally shut it was just the two of them alone, immediately he bowed. It was better to get this over with sooner than later.

Dropping all pretense of pretending, this was humiliating, yet it was right, “Princess, I humbly apologize for deceiving with my presence-.”

Thin and dainty hands reached to guide him up, “Rise Prince Achilles, you should not kneel before me it is not proper.” Her green eyes meet his in mirth.

“There is no need to make apologies your mother has already spoken with me. Though I should have guessed that you were no ordinary maiden sent to our humble shores. Few have your grace or agility,” she said.

“Princess you may not see the need but I must. It was never my intention to deceive you or your ladies in any way. I truly meant you no harm.”

“If you had meant us harm, we would have been none the wiser. I have seen your character and you are honorable in your ways. Had you not been honorable I would not have designed myself to be alone with you, unsupervised. It is not proper even if we are to be wed.”

“I can’t marry you,” Achilles said out in a rush. A silence fell upon the room.

Frustration bubbled up in her, why was she not beautiful enough for him, or was it due to the humbleness of her kingdom. No matter, his mother promised a marriage.

“

My son has no say in the decision of this marriage. I have made such a decision for him. You will be the perfect bride for my son. All I ask is that you continue to shelter him as Prrhya and when the time for him to revealed, you will be heralded to all of Greece as the wife of the Aristos Achaion.”

Yet she wished to know why in his eyes she wasn’t a suitable bride in his eyes, “Why?”

He sighed then a softer look coming into his face, “I love another, who I’m not permitted to be with. I was torn away from them by...this is why I can not marry you. I can not offer you my whole heart.”

After that shocking confession, she could only dismiss him. It didn’t matter that he loved another,  she would make him love her and only her. She was charming, witty, a skilled dancer, and the most beautiful woman in Skyros. This other woman in Achilles’ heart would be all but a distant memory when she finished.

__________________________________________________________________________________

As much he would have liked to delay the inevitable, he had taken to staying out Dedamia’s sight. He wanted nothing to do with her, and he could assume the same for her. This marriage his mother planned for the both of them, it couldn’t be anything that they both wanted. 
 
How naive he had been, Dedamaia wanted this marriage. Wherever he tried to hide, she sought him out. There was little to dissuade her from getting to know more about him or spend time with him. Currently, he was hiding in the dusty and unused part of the library, praying she would not find him. It had gotten to the point he was even roping her foster sisters to misdirect her to where he could be. If they said the gardens, he was in the kitchen. The garden, the library. Somehow it had become a fun little game, letting himself rest his head against the broken bookshelf. Gods, he was tired of this game, of this island and being obedient. Hiding was for children and he was no longer a child. Yet how quickly he had crumbled under the weight of his mother’s disapproval, perhaps he had never truly grown out of his need for her affections. Marriage, he wasn’ ready, he didn’t want this. Not in the least.

____________________________________________________________________________________

A shadow fell over him, without even opening his eyes, he knew it could only be one person.

“
Achilles, enough of this foolishness. I will tolerate it no longer. It is time.
”

He didn’t even bother opening his eyes, “I don’t love her, isn’t that reason enough for me to behave as I do.”

“
It matters not if you love her only that you will marry her.
” Time was running out, and every day Odysseus grew closer and closer to find Skyros.

Cracking one eye open, he sought to bargain with her, “I’ll marry her if I can see Patroclus. Do this and I go obediently into marriage with her.

Thetis gritted her teeth, and now he sought to bargain with her, “
You are marrying her to keep your honor and for her to keep her reputation as chaste. In bringing Patroclus here you risk her anger and reputation being at risk-.
”
 
“I no longer care, mother, truly if my reputation is ruined. Not anymore it isn’t worth the hurt he will feel.” Achilles could make all the promises and apologies in the world to Patroclus, but this could shatter their fragile relationship. Patroclus was too honorable and would never agree to be his if he was married, but just seeing him. Just having him at his side even if they were only friends again was all he. Yet a selfish part of him wanted him not to care, to be his regardless. Deidamaia would be his wife in name only, this he could promise Patroclus if anything.
 
Except Patroclus would never know of his marriage, nor would he ever come here. So what harm was it for her to agree? 
 
“I’ll bring him here, however you will deal with the repercussions of your desires
.
However the ceremony will take place tonight, my handmaidens will prepare you so be ready.”

“Of course mother.” he demurred.

_____________________________________________________________

Achilles let himself be dressed by his mother’s handmaidens, they didn’t speak to him nor he to them. An uncomfortable silence swept over them and he wished that for a brief moment, he had his thick veil to hide behind. It was mildly uncomfortable to feel so exposed, then again if he had worn it as his mother had told him then he wouldn’t be in this mess.

A secret wedding to a spoiled princess. Perhaps it would not be so bad, perhaps they could learn to be friends. Or thinking back on her treatment of him and the other maidens in the palace, it could be much worse. Gods help him.

“Your Highness, we are finished.” Achilles was startled when one of the pale women spoke.

“Oh, thank you,” Achilles said, not even sparing a glance at his appearance in the mirror.

“You’re welcome son of Thetis,” they intoned in unison. The way they addressed him gave him the slightest pause but he disregarded it, his mother was their mistress and it was only natural that they addressed him like so.

He did not want this, but it was to happen regardless.

So led by the four women’s candles, he proceeded down the dark hallway to an even darker room.

They departed a moment later leaving only the light of the candles to illuminate the room.

He didn't even know how long it had been until the door creaked once more with the same handmaidens filing in. Their already pale skin cast in an eerie glow from the candles.

Princess Deidiama came veiled, led by his mother. Her small hand reached for his, he took it with little choice.

She had them both kneel and recite vows while she blessed their marriage. Then it was over. 
______________________________________________________________________
 Deidameia was brought away by his mother’s handmaidens, while he was led by his mother further into the room. A large bed covered in white sheets, his mother stood still while she waited for him to realize.
 
His eyes widened as he jerked his arm from her grip, “No.”
 
"Mother, please I do not want this, " he pleaded with her to understand. The princess was beautiful, but not who his heart belonged to. He swore to himself to be hers in name only.
 
"Hush, my son. You wish to see your Patroclus again. I will bring him to you after you have done your duty
." she reminded him of their agreement. 
 
“
Wait here my son, your bride will come soon
”, Thetis added, blowing out the candles leaving the room in darkness. He laid there in darkness listening to his own breathing. It must have been hours before he heard the door creak and shut softly. Deidameia’s feet shuffled across the room as she made her over to the bed. The bed creaked with her added weight, and they faced each other. He knew what he had to do if he ever wanted to see Patroclus again, he had to do this. 
 
Achilles gently undid her chiton and watched as she shivered a bit. Straddling her and spreading her legs, he was careful as he pushed into her. Not wanting to make this any more painful or humiliating for both of them.
 
Being inside her was strange, she was so slick almost oily, but at the same time almost familiar. He did not picture her red curls and green eyes, instead, he pictured dark curls and even darker eyes. Finishing, he rolled away from her.

She sat up, her face damp with tears and his mother’s handmaidens came and helped her out of bed. He stood to redress while the handmaidens changed the sheets. The once white sheets were now stained red with the princess’ blood. The sight made him want to retch. 
 
Just like that his promise was broken.
________________________________________________________________
He could only hope that his mother would be satisfied and allow Patroclus to come to his side, he needed him. It was as he could not breathe and Patroclus was the air that he needed to live.

Being at sea was both a pleasant and unpleasant experience as the rocking of the waves lured one into an easy slumber, unpleasant for the length of time it took to get where he needed to be. Skyros was far from Pthtia so it was to be expected it did not ease his grief in any way. All he longed for was to have Achilles at his side again, yet they had stopped again. Refilling water stores and exchanging wares at the various ports. Any other time he would have enjoyed it as he had not been on a ship since his exile. Instead, he found it tedious and boring.

For now, he would sleep and hope that the next island they stopped at was Skyros.

Achilles woke alone, all traces of the wedding that occurred had been wiped away. No candles, but on the table, he found a note.

This is now your room. Your belongings will be moved here shortly.

He crinkled his nose, that was it. No signature or anything, so he had no idea if it was his mother or his wife’s doing. Scratch that he knew the princess would never write such a note, so the probability of a servant was higher. Either his mother’s or one of his wife’s.

No matter, he wanted to be out of there quickly. That and he wanted to take a bath, he felt disgusting.

_______________________________________

After his bath, he went in search of breakfast then off to his usual hiding places. He would spend none of his time with Dedamaia married or not. It had not been his choice.

Yet again Fate had other plans as he was summoned to her chambers. Ugh, his stomach turned ever so slightly at the thought of facing her so soon. The wrong he had dealt to her. Her and his mother both.

Entering the room he expected to see only her yet there was her circle of favorite sewing and gossiping about that blasted kitchen boy. As dainty as he could he joined them quietly. He felt severely out of place, uncomfortable. Deidameia met his eyes and gave him a small smile, but did not call him any closer, before turning back to her sewing. Internally he sighed in relief and fell into mindless chatter with the others.

His hands itched as he watched the other happily drawing the needle in and out. How he wished to hold a spear again, idly wondered if he should attempt his hand at embroidery as well. Then mentally wanted to shake himself, he wasn’t going to get too deep into this world. Already he had entered a forbidden place and look where that had gotten him.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Achilles had come to learn a horrifying truth about his marriage. During the day they would behave as usual and at night she would come to visit him While the rest of the palace was quiet and isolated.

Throwing her legs over his, and trying to arouse him to a state where they… even then it took everything for him not to gag every time she came. Her nightclothes fell from her shoulders while she pushed up his tunic.
 
Deidameia peered at him expectantly when nothing happened.

“Am I not beautiful enough for you?” her nasally voice grated at his ears. She was incredibly beautiful, with her red curls, emerald eyes, and curves in all the right places. However she was not whom he desired, his heart only knew Patroclus. Only wanted him.

“You are very beautiful,” he said just to placate her, inside he felt sick.  Denying her would only serve to have her threaten to expose him. And by all the Gods his mother would not be pleased. 
 
She jeered at him, “Then why don’t you react as such. My beauty is well known throughout the kingdom.” Achilles resisted the urge to throttle her, while she was a beauty on the outside. Her insides were ugly. Gods it made him loathe her even more. His mother truly had picked a wonderful bride. 
 
Glancing up at her through slits, “ I only need time, I was not expecting you.” That was a lie, knowing she was coming, he just hated to dwell on the thought of her mounting him like an animal.

Closing his eyes, Achilles made a mental apology to Patroclus for what he was about to do.

Picturing the way his red lips wrapped around him. The way he cried out while his nails dug into his back. How tight he had felt. Gods, he could almost feel him.

His eyes snapped open when he felt Dedamia settle fully on him, his nausea came back in a wave. Letting his eyes close again, tried to salvage some of his fantasy of it being Patroclus, instead of his

wife.

_______________________________________________

Regardless of how many times, he scraped at his skin until it was red. Achilles felt as if he would never be rid of her scent, her touch. It disgusted him beyond measure. How he felt like a beast reduced to merely give her pleasure, a sickening ritual that would repeat until she became pregnant.
 
 What he hated it, even more, was how she would reach for him and in a mocking echo of the way Patroclus brushed his hair from his face, all while she did that. Gods, she made him sick. He hated her, hated this place. His love for even his mother had been dampened, no longer able to...face her after his “wedding.” How could he as he was forced to lie there while his wife did as she pleased with him.
 
 Filthy, he felt filthy for what he had done. How he had thought Patroclus, all while Dedamia wailed. Even filthier for how he let her do as she pleased. Damn his honor even more his reputation, nothing was worth this. 
 
Dunking his head underwater, feeling the water rushing into every part of him. How would he ever recover from this? Gods, what would Patroclus have said. Would he even wish to be with him again?
 
No, Patroclus could never know of this. Never. As long as he lived, he could never tell him the horror of this place. For his lover has such a gentle heart, he would be sorrowful at his treatment.

Patroclus needed no more torment, his demons seemed to plague him enough.

Achilles resurfaced to float on his back, watching the stars.
 
Is this truly the start of his destiny? This?
 
This evil place.
 
 Achilles wanted to see him again, so for now he would have to endure it.

Mother hurry up and bring him, I need him. I fear I will go insane here, I have kept my end of the bargain.

Praying she would hear his plea, but who's to say she did. His mother came when it pleased her as always. Never when he wanted her, needed her. Not even when he cried for her.

Mother, please.

Skyros had such a small bay that it was hard to spot until the boat had swung into rocky island’s southern inland. The ship had to stop so that the rowboats could be lowered. Patroclus did not envy their trip back.

As he stepped out from the water found a cliff with a narrow path of steps carved into the rock. At the top of the steps found a modest landscape with scrubby trees and goats. The palace further in the distance seemed rather modest with its half stone and half wood structure, but he continued nonetheless.

Someone surely would know where to find his prince after all Achilles could not have been missed with his bright hair and even brighter personality. Entering the hall, Patroclus found that it was rather dim and narrow, the air was stale with the scent of dinners long past. On a platform sat two thrones, empty. Guards at the table glanced up when he stepped fully into the room.

“What is your business here?”, one of them asked.

Subtly straightening his back and lifting his chin, he stated, “I’m here to see King Lycomedes.” The guards eyed him and the tunic he was wearing- one of Achilles’ then turned to look at each other. He was going to be patient after he had endured much just to be here.

After a moment one of the men sighed, “I’ll go.” The man dropped his dice and jerked his head for him to follow, “Come.”

Well, that was a little rude but whatever it didn’t matter he was going to see the king. His heart was racing and he was desperately trying to remember what he had rehearsed on the way here.

The guard entered a room and a moment later returned, “You can go in now.” then he was left alone, the guard presumably going back to his dice game.

Taking a breath, he entered the room, and instead of a king, found a young woman.

She must have read his shock for she announced, “I’m the princess Deidameia.” She was a breath of fresh air compared to the dullness of the hall. Auburn hair fell in perfect ringlets and her face was sharp almost like a fox, framed by thick auburn curls with a pair of deep-set emerald eyes to complete it. Overall she was a stunning beauty, but he had come here to seek an audience.

Remembering his manners bowed, “I’m a stranger coming for a kindness from your father.”

Her eyes crinkled in mirth as she dangled her feet, “Why my father and not me?” She straightened herself, a bit more and he just realized how small her stature was. The princess would barely reach his chest, if she stood, however, her presence more than compensated.

She sat regally in the chair and with her bright presence, “My father is old and sickly. You may address your petition to me, and I will answer it.”

Patroclus bowed his head softly, perhaps she would know after all she was effectively leading the affairs of the kingdom while her father was ill, “I’m searching for someone.”

Her face shifted for only a moment, before it smoothed with a lift of her eyebrow, “Who is your friend?”

“A young man,” he said carefully. She appeared to be gauging how to answer him.

A soft small grin played at her face, “I see,” she paused to toy with a curl that had made it way into her face, “We have several of those here. It will be no trouble to find your friend.”

The same curl fell into her face so she let all of the hair fall behind her, “Perhaps you could tell me your name, so that I may ask if any of my servants have heard of your friend.”

Giving his true name wouldn’t be smart if Thetis’ spies were lurking, so…

“Chironidies.”

The princess wrinkled her nose briefly at the strangeness of it, “Chironides.” Strangely he wondered if Chiron would have minded him using it. Just thinking of their teacher almost brought a smile to his face, however, he damped it when he found her glare centered on him.

“And what is the name of your friend?”

He would not give his name so easily, “I’m looking for a friend, he came here about a month or so ago. On a boat from Pthtia.”

Again something flashed across her face however it disappeared just as quickly as before.

“Why do you seek him?” Something, she knew something because her tone had lost its playfulness.

“I have a message for him,” he said and then added,  “from home.” A smile stretched across her face as she tapped a painted finger against her chin.

“Hmm, a message.” And she was back to her playfulness, now certainly would have rathered the older king so that he would not have to deal with such mercurial moods.

“Tell me why I should help you deliver such a message?” She cooed, twirling a curl around her finger. Patroclus felt panic bubble up and sought to think quickly on his feet.

“Because you are a powerful princess, and I am but a humble stranger seeking your kindness.” Flattery, she appeared to be the type to thrive on it.

But of course, it pleased her, “Well perhaps I know of such a man, and perhaps I do not. I will have to decide on it. Of course in the meantime stay for dinner and await my decision,” as if he had any other choice.

She rose from her chair with much grace already leaving him behind, “If you are lucky perhaps my ladies and I will dance for you.” He only inclined his head a small degree, already excited that his chance to see Achilles was growing.

“You have heard of Dediamiea’s women have you not?”

He hadn’t.

Her pink lips tilted downward, he felt as if he had made a grave mistake, “Kings send their daughters here to be fostered, surely you must know of this.”

Again he apologized, “I know little of the world beyond the mountains in which I spent much of my adolescence. If you forgive me and my poor manners.” Much of it was true.

The princess hummed, “ I see, until dinner Chironides.”

Patroclus inclined his head once more keeping it like so until the door fully shut, then practically sank into the floor in relief. That had been exhausting, the entire time it felt as if he was being played with like a mouse by a very large and powerful cat.

_________________________________________________________________________

“He’s very handsome,” one of his “foster” sisters chittered. By the Gods here we go again not the damned kitchen boy. Had they no taste, but they didn’t know any better.

They knew nothing of a boy with the inky black curls that framed his high cheeks so perfectly. Eyes that as soon as the light hit them turned the color of rich oak. Ruby red lips that were plump and ripe for kisses, how he could never tire of kissing him. Freckles that spread everywhere with no set count. The slimness yet efficiency of his hands. His charming laugh that felt like the very Sun warming you.

How the scent of rosemary and sage teased at one’s nose when he passed...

“

Patroclus

”, he thought, sighing ever so slightly.

“Pyhrra, you’re sighing have you seen him too?”

Another one chirped, “Isn’t he the most handsome man you have ever seen?”

“Seen who?” he asked.

“Oh she hasn’t what a shame.” someone tittered. It was probably Efimia, she hated his guts for no reason.

“Him?” If it was the kitchen boy then yes, but they didn’t say his name. So who else could it be?

“Him who?”

“The man who arrived on the island.”

Oh now, this did gain his interest just a tad, as they were rare. However he had no need of others so tuning them out, focused back to embroidering well poorly embroidering a handkerchief. What should have been a flower was turning into a misshapen blob. Well if one tilted their head ever so slightly.

The door slammed open, startled he pricked his finger.

Ow.

Impassively he stared at the blood beading to the surface, some it had even dripped into the white cloth below staining it crimson. Hm, it had been a while since he last saw himself bleed, well nevermind it now. Dabbing his finger onto the already ruined cloth was satisfied to note that the wound had healed.

Now, what was all the fuss about?

“He was very handsome….” he could hear the chatter start up again.

“He has come as a suitor for the princess.” At that, his ears perked up, a suitor. Surely he hoped so, marriage was so tedious.

She continued “He comes from across the sea, and even the guards say they have hardly seen such rich clothes. A tunic of vibrant green.”

“He must be a prince of a wealthy land.”

“Perhaps the princess wants to impress him so she wished for us to dance for him tonight.”

“Oh, so I suppose we’ll be practicing.”

“Hmm, it does. I came here as quickly as possible to tell you all the news….”

________________________________________________________________________________

Patroclus spent much of his time wandering a dusty courtyard, trying to fight the gnawing anxiety building in his stomach. What if he had gotten here too late and Thetis had already taken Achilles elsewhere?

Gods, he needed to breathe. The princess had appeared to know of whom he was speaking so he would just have to wait until dinner. No instead of simply waiting he would need to recount everything he possibly could to face the king tonight. All he had known of the princess’s father was gathered from whispers of other passengers on the boat. King Lycomedes was known to be a kind ruler, however, it was known that he limited resources. What little his kingdom boasted was coveted by the Eubio to the west and Ionia to the east. Despite what he had seen here, land was still land and boasting that your kingdom had more of it was always a driving force behind kings’ egos. If they found that a princess instead of a king was ruling here then the conquest would come even quicker. 
 
Patroclus glanced upwards, the Sun was setting. Returning to the gloomy hall, that had been even gloomier with the lit torches. Again the most interesting thing in the room was the princess Deidameia who led an older man presumably King Lycomedes to settle into one of the thrones.

Patroclus observed just how the king appeared to sink into his furs little more than skin and bones, she then gestured for a servant to come. Taking a step back Patroclus was content to blend in with the guards or counselors. Observing how they too seemed just as worn out as the hall.

The servant Deidameia had called earlier, motioned for everyone to sit, he did so still surveying the room at hand. Servants brought in meals, the princess and king did not join them at the table. Had she forgotten about him? Patroclus wrestled with the idea of making himself known, yet before he could even put his thoughts into action. Princess Deidameia had drawn attention back to the front of the hall, her words meant for him.

“Stranger who has come from Pelion,” her voice carries over the room, “ never again will you be able to say that you have not heard of Deidameia’s women.” With that a group of around twelve women entered, all softly speaking to one another, hair covered and bound in cloth. They gathered in the center of the room in a circle while men took out flutes, drums, and one took out a lute. Deidameia descended from the platform choosing one of the taller women as her partner. Music swelled as they began their delicate yet swift steps. He was impressed, enchanted by how their dresses swirled and how the jewelry at their wrists and ankles swayed ever so gently.

Deidameia again was the sole focus of the room, her golden circlet catching the light only served to highlight her auburn hair. Her face was flushed with pleasure as she beamed at her partner. It was almost flirtation the way she would teasingly come closer and closer to the other woman before quickly withdrawing. Patroclus found himself curious about the other girl, but her face was obscured by her veil and the other dancers. The music winded down and the princess led and her dancers into a line to receive praise. She and her partner curtsied to the court. Her partner looked up and Patroclus made a soft noise. It must have been loud enough for the girl’s eyes to meet his only- that wasn’t some random girl- it was Achilles.

Achilles immediately let go of the princess’ hand and all but jumped into his arms. Patroclus stubbled trying to stabilize them but they both fell back.

Vaguely he registered Deidameia screaming and sobbing, “Pyrrha,” and King Lycomedes’ sharp address in the background, “Pyrrha what is the meaning of this?”

He sat up even so slightly Achilles’ weight still in his lap.

“ My mother,” Achilles’ warm breath teased his ear, “my mother-she-”

“Pyrrha-,” It took a moment for Patroclus to realize that they were referring to Achilles.

Fire-hair.

Achilles ignored them both, his emerald only seeking his own. The king must have grown tired of having all the court witness such a display ordered them all out.

With only the three of them left, Achilles’ fingers intertwined with his own. Peace, it was the feeling of completion to once again have his beloved at his side.

“Now,” Patroclus raised his eyes to meet the king’s. Perhaps Dediameia had not exaggerated his health, the older man’s skin looked incredibly haggard and yellow; and his beard was scraggly and grayed to the point it looked like dirty sheep’s fleece. Yet his eyes were sharp as he turned him on Achilles.

“Who is this man, Pyrrha?”

“No one!” Dediameia yelled and tugged at Achilles' arm.

At the same time, “My husband.” Achilles answered cooly. His heart fluttered ever so slightly at his words.

“He isn’t! That’s not true!” Dediameia screamed, her voice barely distinguishable from her sobs.

The king turned to him, “ Is this true?”

Achilles squeezed at his fingers ever so slightly, flexing his fingers back, “It is. She is my wife.”

“No,” the princess wailed.

Achilles ignored her tugging his arm out of her grip and inclined his head toward the king, “ My husband has come for me and I may now leave your court. I thank you for your hospitality and kindness.” Achilles curtsied once more to the king and Patroclus noted how well he did it.

Lycomedes held up a hand. “Wait, shouldn’t I consult your mother first? She entrusted me with your care. Does she know of your husband?”

“No, she doesn’t know of him. He has come to steal her away. Father don’t believe him.” Deidameia said, grabbing Achilles’ arm once more.

“Daughter stop this scene. This young man has done nothing to earn your ire,” the king snapped, “Release Pyrrha this instant!”

“No.” she cried once more. Her once beautiful face was blotchy and swollen with tears, her chest was heaving as she turned to Achilles.

“You are lying! You have betrayed me! Monster! Heartless!”  Achilles’ grip tightened on his fingers. The princess has used masculine words to refer to Achilles, oh Gods. Patroclus peeked at the king, taking in his shocked expression.

“What was that?” Lycomedes asked slowly. Deidameia’s face paled but then she raised her chin.

“He is a man,” she sneered in his direction,” And we are truly married. This man is merely acting along with this deceiver.”

“What!” King Lycomedes clutched at his chest. Patroclus feared how his health appeared and  that the shock would be too much for him. Yet words would not come to his throat, the only thing he could focus on was the reassuring grip of Achilles’ hand.

Achilles spoke softly yet firmly to the princess “Don’t do this, please.” This only served to make her even more enraged.

“I will do it,

” she hissed before turning to her father, “ You are a fool. I’m the only one who knew. Me!” Striking at her chest in emphasis, “And I’ll expose you, Achilles,” she screamed. Screaming as if her words would carry beyond the walls and into the Heavens so that even the Gods would know.

“Achilles, Achilles, Achilles,” she chanted, “I will tell them all.” Achilles’ fingers latched onto his like a death grip, Patroclus wriggled his fingers to allow him to give himself some room.

“
You would not dare.”
Patroclus’ blood froze, he knew that voice very well. All of them turned to see Thetis in the doorway. She looked as she always has except she appeared to hold a wildness, one that some say embodied the Furies. Her hair floated as if responding to her displeasure.

No one dared to move as if to prevent her rage, all except his Achilles. Achilles ripped the veil from his head sending jewelry tinkling to the floor and tore the neck of his dress until his chest was bare.

“Enough of this mother.” Achilles said. Patroclus very much wanted to let go of his lover’s hand however Achilles would not let him. Thetis’ dark eyes appeared to bore into the heart of his soul, but he realized her gaze was not directed at him but her son. For a moment he feared she would hit him, however, she only watched him, something akin to disappointment rested in them.

Achilles turned to Lycomedes, “My mother and I,” he glanced at his mother with disdain, “have deceived you for which I make my apologies. I’m Prince Achilles, son of Peleus.  My mother did not wish for me to go to war and hid me here as one of your foster daughters.”

The king did not speak, only observing him.

“We will leave now.” Achilles said bowing this time.

His words appeared to shake Deidameia from her silence, “No!,” she said, her voice rising once more, “You cannot your mother said the words over us, we are married. You are my husband.”

Suddenly he felt very sick as if it was finally beginning to sink in. Achilles had gotten married. Achilles was married. His lover now had a wife. His chest hurt.

King Lycomedes’ stared at his daughter in shock before his gaze turned to Achilles.

“Is this true?”

Patroclus too hoped that his answer was no, however before his lover spoke.

Thetis answered,
“It is
.” If Thetis had spoken it then it was the truth, Achilles turned to him as if he wanted to explain.

“
You are bound to us now, King Lycomedes. You will continue to shelter Achilles here. You will say nothing of who he is. In return, your daughter will one day be able to claim a famous husband
.” Her eyes rested just above Deidameia’s head, “
It is better than what she would have done.
”

The king rubbed at the space between eyes before facing Thetis once more, “ I suppose there is no choice in the matter. I will do as you have commanded.”

“What if I will not be silent?” Deidameia’s cheeks were ruddy, “You and your son have ruined me. I have lain with him as you told me to do, and now my honor is gone. I will claim him now before the court as recompense.”

I have lain with him.

The throbbing in his chest tenfold.

“
You are a foolish girl,
” each word fell like a knife, deep and biting, “
Lacking in both manners and sense. You are poor and ordinary, you are a means to an end. You do not deserve my son.

You will keep the peace or I will keep it for you.

”

Deidameia stepped back trembling, eyes wide and her lips pale. One of her hands shook as she clutched at her the fabric of her dress as if to steady herself. The room had fallen silent and only the crashing of waved over on the cliffs could be heard. Yet they heard it all the same.

Those damning words.

“I’m pregnant,” she whispered. Patroclus watched the horror that overtook Achilles’ face and the soft groan of pain the king gave.

The pain in his chest had gone completely hollow like everything had been scrapped out of him.

The remembrance of blood slicked thighs. The shame. The sadness. The hurt. It wouldn’t stop.

Enough.

Patroclus wasn’t sure if he said it, perhaps he thought all he knew was that he let go of Achilles’ hand. No-one stopped him as he left.

Once he was out of the hall, he took off.

_______________________________________________________________________

“Wait,” Achilles cried out behind him. Patroclus didn’t wait for him, eventually, Achilles would catch up as he always had. As always Achilles did catch up with him but it was slower than usual, no doubt his dress had slowed him down.

Achilles seized his arm, and he tried to shake him off, “LET GO.”

“Please, just let me explain-.” Achilles was uncharacteristically out of breath, a testament to how upset he was.

“What is there to explain Achilles? You are married and have a child on the way. What more is there to explain?” He was hyperventilating.

His baby, his sweet little one.

“So let me go!” he got out through tears and choked sobs. It was over he had lost his child and now his lover.

Achilles just wouldn’t let go,  wouldn’t let him grieve in peace.

“It isn’t what you think.” What was else was he meant to think Deidameia and Thetis had so clearly spelled it out, it had only been a matter of time before this happened. He should have known better.

“I see,” he finally said, turning from him, “Let me-,” another sob was working its way into his throat, “I need to be alone Achilles. Please.”

This time he let go.

Achilles went to reach for his wrist but he slipped from his grasp. He had broken his heart, judging from the tears forming in his eyes. Gods.

“No, Patroclus it is nothing like you think. My mother- she led the girl to my room. She made us-me. I did not want to-.” he whispered but his love was too far to hear him.

________________________________

Laying there he wondered if his heart would ever recover. He imagined that he looked like a mess, having cried and screamed himself raw for what felt like hours on that little cliff. How naive he had been, to think that everything would go back to how it was. 
 
Dediameia was a beauty how could he ever hope to compare. He sighed curling up into his side. However, what cut him even deeper was that she was expecting. Something he would never do. Never again would he carry a child, Chiron had said as much. His poor little son. Not even a grave to bury him in. 
 
 He should just sail back to Pithia and try to put this behind him. Go back to Chiron’s home and stay there. Their teacher had told him as much before he left, that he was always welcome.

Fuck, the thought of leaving Achilles hurt like no other. Was it wrong that he would be content to have in him anyway even if they were just friends once more?

_____________________

“Patroclus.” He inclined his head in the general direction of his voice.

“Talk to me-no,” Achilles said as he settled himself next to him on the sandy cliff, “rather than talk I want you to listen.”

“I’m listening, Achilles.”

“You know I would never do anything to hurt you. Surely you know this.”

Patroclus nodded, of course, he did. Achilles love- ah well that he wasn’t sure of anymore. More than anything he wanted to be reassured that he did still love him that-.

He took a breath“ Then you will know that never would I betray you as such. It was not willing the relationship between us. My mother arranged for us to be married then forced me to strip and lie down. She told me-,” his next words were a jumble, “thatshewouldtellyouwhere I was if I did what was expected of me.”

Had she expected for him not to find Achilles? Deidameia had known from the very beginning, why had she had him dance for him as if he would not recognize him. He could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; know him blind, by the way, his breaths came and his how his feet struck the earth. Patroclus would know him in death, at the end of the world.

Achilles cupped his cheek, he barely registered it, “Patroclus say something. Do you hear me? It-.”

Patroclus gently removed his hand from his cheeks.

His mind ran wild with scenarios of what had possibly occurred between his lover and the princess. Her curves and the soft swell of her breasts against his skin. Ugh, his chest.

“Patroclus,” Achilles called him again.

“You did it for nothing.” The words came out more sharply than he had intended.

Achilles flinched as if he had slapped him, but how else was he to respond.

“What do you mean?”

“Your mother did not tell me where you were, Achilles. Your father did.” Color further drained from Achilles already pale face.

“She didn’t tell you, but she promised she would.”

“And you believed her? You truly believed that she would keep her promise?”

“I did, I-,” Achilles whispered.

Patroclus longed to scream at him for his naivete, the trust in which he so readily gave. Thetis hated his very guts why in all the Gods’ names would she ever tell him where Achilles was. She would rather rip out her own heart than see the two of them together. However, the blame laid with Thetis, not Achilles, all his life his lover had known nothing of deceit or fear. Why would he not trust his mother, the woman-no goddess who had given birth to him? Yet their past was so clearly written out Thetis acted on her own agenda and Achilles’ wants and needs were granted in accordance with her will. He wanted to be angry and call him a fool for believing her, but the words wouldn’t come. Achilles had already had his entire world shaken, he did not deserve his venom too.

“I-.” Achilles began only to look away from him, “she betrayed me.” he said this more to himself than to him.

Suddenly Patroclus was met with a face filled anguish. He was searching his face for a sign, a sign of condemnation or clemency. Achilles was never one to care for others’ thoughts or feelings. Yet, here he was willing to lay himself and his faults bare in the hope of forgiveness. Only he was granted this privilege.

“Achilles.” By the Gods where should he even begin.

“Forgive me, my love,” Achilles placed his forehead against his, “It was not-I did not want to. She was not you. I did not enjoy it nor did I want it.”

At hearing those words, some of the grief in his heart began to dissipate, it didn’t matter how beautiful Deidameia was or how she screamed Achilles’ name. Achilles would only love him.

Heat was building up behind his eyes but he closed his eyes and cradled him close. “There is nothing to forgive my Achilles.”

“However I pray you’ll forgive me when you find out the truth. I pray you can still love me after it”

_____________________________________________________________

They returned to the palace as the stars began twinkling. The great hall was dark with the embers burnt to ash. Achilles had tried to arrange his dress and veil around himself as best as possible however it still gapped at his chest and legs. So he held it close as best as he could while Patroclus kept an eye out for any guards. Just a little more and they were free.

“You have returned.” A voice in the dark called out to them. They both froze unsure when a figure on the throne moved. King Lycomedes moved again, his mass of furs moving with him.

“We have.” Patroclus heard the hesitant in his voice, neither of them had expected to face the king again so soon.

“Your mother has gone,” the king continued, his voice was deeper than it had been earlier, “ I do not know where.” He paused awaiting an answer from them more Achilles than him.

Achilles didn’t respond.

“My daughter, your wife is in her room crying. She hopes you will come to her.” Achilles flinches ever so slightly in the dark, but his voice does not give it away.

“It is unfortunate that she hopes for such a thing from me.”

“It is indeed.” The king said tiredly.

Silence passed over us awkwardly, when the king drew a weary breath.

“I suppose your

friend

will need a room?” Patroclus heard the way friend was drawn out, he almost wanted to feel shame, but the way Achilles squeezed his hand. He couldn’t.

“If it is not too much trouble,” Achilles said this easily but he heard the current of a warning underneath it.

“It is no trouble, Prince Achilles.” There was another silence as the king picked up a goblet and drank from it before setting down once more.

“The child must have your name. You must understand this?” This must-have what he had truly been waiting to say.

“I understand this.”

“And do you swear it.”

Achilles paused a moment, a moment too long, “I swear it.” Patroclus breathed a soft sigh of relief even if the circumstances were less than ideal, the baby was innocent in all of this. His heart throbbed painfully at the thought of his own little one, how he had loved every moment of their short time together. He hoped Achilles would not hold this child’s conception against them and love them wholeheartedly.

The king gave another tired sigh, but when his words came again they were formal holding no trace of his earlier grief.

“Good night to the both of you.”

They bowed to him.

Achilles navigated the dark palace with ease, finding a guard to show them to the guest quarters. Patroclus bit at his lip to keep from giggling at how Achilles imitated a woman’s high and lilting tones. The guard was none the wiser, only leering at them both. Only when the moonlighted crept into their room had he realized the way Achilles’ hair and ripped dress fell had indicated something less than savory had occurred between them.  
____________________________________________________________
“Patroclus.”
 
Achilles had him pressed against the door, tearing at his clothes until he was bare. Patroclus returned his passion equally. Tearing his veil from his hair, letting his hair hang free, next was that accursed dress. Which he all but tore from his shoulders. What had Thetis been thinking, trying to pass his lover off as a girl? There little femininity left in his lover from their youth, he wet his lips lightly. 
 
Achilles was elegant and noble in his features, but he also held a wildness to him. A ruggedness that had been further brought out in the mountains. A frenzy that sometimes came into their lovemaking. How he loved those nights when Achilles forgot himself and would have him shameless sobbing his name.

The weeks spent apart made him bold tonight, Patroclus drew him into his mouth feeling the heat engulf his senses.

It made him feel powerful to be like this, it was almost an act of worship. Worship to his God, his

Achilles...
 
They were both panting when he finished. Patroclus tried to wipe at his mouth, but before he could Achilles's fingers were drawing them from his mouth. Tilting his face upward.
 
"Come here," with that look in his eyes. Never one to disobey,  he let Achilles lead him up with the fingers at his chin. His arms wrapped around his shoulders comfortably while Achilles’ lips trailed hungrily down his neck. Patroclus let his fingers lightly travel from his shoulders to bury themselves in those thick curls.
 
“I miss you, I miss you so much. Patroclus…. Patroclus.” Achilles chanted against his skin, “ Patroclus, my Patroclus.” His words seared into his heart.

“Yours, only yours.”

____________________

Moonlight draped around them and their tangled bodies, and it felt as if the night would never end. The very thought reminded him of a myth of how the Gods could delay the Moon’s cycle to increase the length of time.

“What are you thinking about?” Achilles’ fingers came to trace up his spine once more.

“Nothing,” he returned, comfortable against his chest listening to his steady heartbeat.

Achilles chuckled softly making his chest vibrate ever so slightly, “You must be thinking of something, I can feel the gears your mind turning as we speak.”

“Hmm nothing really, truly.” For once it was true his mind was empty, content with just having Achilles’ warmth next to him.

“Tell me.”

“I’m just very happy to be by your side once more. I-.” Achilles’ fingers stopped.

“I’m sorry-.”

“Achilles you have nothing to apologize for- it is behind us.” This was partly true however there was the unspoken sword of the future hanging over them.

“But I do have one question.”

“Why here?” Of all the places, why Skyros?

Achilles breathed deeply, “She wants to hide me from the war, she says not yet. Not yet. She keeps repeating it. I’m not ready, I’m too young-evidently not too young-,” he muttered.

“This-,” Patroclus toyed with what remained of the dress scattered around them.

“This too was her idea too,” Achilles growled lightly.

“I would never think of something like this myself.”

Patroclus found himself snickering softly, “ I think you make a rather beautiful girl.” His lover snorted fondly.

“Of course you do.”

“You look handsome no matter what you do,” he soothed, drawing his own patterns against Achilles’ chest.

“Hmm.” Achilles said, making yet another love bite into his neck. Surely by tomorrow, they would be dark enough for all to witness.

Achilles reached over him to grab a scrap of fabric, waving it like a flag in front of his face, “This is only until the army leaves. And only until then so enjoy it while you can.” He burst out laughing. Achilles was so serious about his disguise.

“Don’t laugh,” he whined.

“I’m sorry, I just think I’ll be rather sad when you do stop wearing it.”

“Why in the Gods’ names?”

“You look rather fetching all dressed up. Pyrrha,” with that he was giggling once more

“Why you cheeky thing, ” Achilles laughed, now tickling him instead.

“Achilles~ stop.”

“No, I don’t think I will.”

He wiggled against him, “ I surrender, I surrender.”

“Then surrender.” Achilles had him right where he wanted him, pinned completely at his mercy.

“I’m completely at your mercy, my lord,” he sighed, pretending to be breathless. Achilles froze on top of him.

Every time, it worked like a charm.

_______________________

Sunlight shone in his face as soon as he felt as if his eyes closed. Neither of them could get enough of the other.

He had moved ever so slightly to get away from the light.

“Pat-ro-clus,” Achilles groaned beside him, “go back to sleep. It’s too early to be awake.”

“For you,” he said, but truthfully he didn’t want to get up either. Sooner or later they would have to get up and make themselves presentable before the court. But for now, he wanted to sleep.

So he did.

______________________

Achilles didn’t even seem to care for her health or their child. He instead spent his time groveling at Patroclus’ feet for forgiveness as if their marriage was a great shame. Ha. The harlot should have been ashamed to appear as he had. Husband, the nerve of him.

Gods above, she hated how his presence brought the first smile she had seen since he had arrived. Achilles had never smiled once at her. Not like he did when Patroclus was around.

Achilles flaunted his lover around her home as if it was his right. 
 
She prayed every night to Hera that she would strike him down for violating her and Achilles’ sacred marriage vow. Yet still, he lived and breathed, climbing into Achilles’ bed, and sitting across from her covered in marks from their passions.
 
The sight of him so innocently eating his food,

her food

made her blood boil. However, she had the thing he wanted most. In her belly, was Achilles’ child. Her only victory over him.

He may have had Achilles’ attention now, but he would soon grow tired of him. After all her husband was Aristo Achaion, he would need a beautiful wife by his side to bear his children. Not a plain face man with nothing to offer, but ruin.  
 
Achilles’ bell-like laughter rang out in the dining hall. Her father looked up startled. Deidameia tried and failed to hide her distaste. Of course, it was only that man, who could make him so happy. 
 
Her husband wouldn’t even respond to her query about his day or health but would smile and laugh at anything Patroclus said. Gods, she hated him intensely. Hated them both for making her feel like this. An intruder in her own house and marriage.

______________________________________________________________________

Patroclus pitied her, but at the same time, his envy was choking and hateful. She flaunted her growing belly in front of him as if mocking, “

I'm bearing his child, something you will never do.

”

He wanted to hate her, but he couldn't find a reason to. She was carrying the child of the man, he loved more than anything.
 
Gods above, it made him think of their own little baby. How he had loved him, how he had dreamed of being a mother, and how it was so suddenly ripped away from him. Patroclus excused himself from the table, fearing that if he didn’t he would break down right there. 
____________________________________________________________
Achilles saw the tears welling up in his eyes, so it had been no shock when he excused himself. He went to follow him but then caught the eyes of King Lycomedes, whose eyes pleaded with him to stay with his “wife”. 
 
Gods above did he hate her. Hated that she was a part of Patroclus’ unhappiness, his heartbreak. He hated himself for the role he had played. What a fool he had been to believe his mother.
 
Finally, when that torturous dinner had ended he went to find Patroclus. His rooms were empty, so he checked his room. Again nothing.
 
Where could he have gone? He started down the hallway

.

“Achilles,” his voice called to him. All he wanted to do was to take him into his arms, but he held back.
 
Patroclus seemed less distressed, he could see no tears in his eyes. 
 
“Were you looking for me?” he asked.
 
“Of course, you-,” he started.
 
Patroclus turned away from him, rocking on his heels “I’m fine. Don’t worry I just had to get some fresh air. The atmosphere here is stifling.”
 
He understood that, but still worried about him.
 
“Let’s get some air,” Patroclus said, pulling him toward the stairs.

“Alright,” he replied. 
 
Achilles could use an escape. They both could. Until then Achilles could only count the days until they could leave this cursed island.

“Patroclus.” As much as his lover tried to move past current events, it was always at the forefront of his mind. The hurt was ever-present in his tears. Gods he wanted him to talk to him. Achilles would give anything to know just what went on in his mind. 
 
Deidameia felt like a wound too raw to address so soon, but- he wanted no craved reassurance. She was beautiful, a princess, and carried his child. If given time Achilles-

“Do you love her?” Patroclus asked this carefully afraid it would come out venomously, “Could you ever love her?”

“Never.” Achilles breathed, capturing his lips, “Never for only you can hold my heart. Only you.”

Patroclus could never hope to be so cruel as to revel in such an answer, however, he was only human. Humans like the Gods were jealous and petty. He did not wish to share Achilles’ heart with no other.

“My mother brought us together solely,” he sucked in another breath, “because I’m in love with you.”

Why would she be so cruel to her son? Then again she would spite her very relationship with her son than ever see them be together.

“Is that what you have been worrying about? That I would love her because of the child now between us.”

“I-,” he fell silent then unsure of how to respond. Tell him that they too had once had a child. Tell him of the grief that plagued his heart. Of the jealousy and inferiority that ate his very core. That he was unworthy of his love and devotion and-.

“No, it’s just- nevermind it.”

He got angry then, “You never tell me what’s on your mind and it drives me mad. You go off and brood without telling me why. You are like a puzzle that I can never seem to solve. Talk to me, tell me things, don't try to bottle them up. I want to know what’s bothering you.”

His own temper rose, “I can’t Achilles. I can’t because if I did you would hate me for it.”

Achilles’ features softened instantly, “ I could never hate you. What would even make you think such a thing?”
 
“Fine, I’ll tell you what’s on my mind such that you want to know! I’m jealous of her. Why wouldn’t I be she’s beauty, a princess and-.”

I can never be that and I can never give you a child.

“She isn’t you.” Achilles said plainly, “Just as she has here many virtues, she has vices. Just as you do yours, I love you despite that. I love you because you have never wanted me for my appearance or status. You love me purely for me. Not because I will one day be

Aristos Achaion

. ”
 
Achilles exhaled, “I love you for because you have always treated me as an equal. Sheltering me in your endless kindness. You want me to be Achilles and only Achilles. Just as I want you to be Patroclus.”
 
Dark eyes met his as if they were searching him for truth. 
 
“I only love you, and I’ll tell you this as many times as you need to hear it. I love you, Patroclus. You are my very heart and soul.”
 
His love’s cheeks reddened instantly, by the Gods he was beautiful when he blushed. 
 
“Achilles-.” 
 
He gently stole whatever words he would have spoken, when he broke the kiss stated, “I know.”
 
“Just promise that you are mine and I’m yours.”
 
“I have always been yours, Achilles. Now and until the end of time.” Kisses turned from slow and chaste to frenzied.
 
Eager didn't describe their mad rush to get back to Achilles’ chambers. Hungry was more fitting. 
 
They had to stop their caresses and kisses, a few times to prevent being caught, the thrill of it made them even more careless. Achilles had him pressed against an enclave near the stairs. His legs were wrapped immodestly around his waist. 
 
“Aha,” he panted at his neck, trying to stifle his usual loudness, how cute. Achilles couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped him, his lover was so lovely. And his.  
 
“ Don’t laugh or we'll be caught,” he panted and Achilles tried to muffle his laughter in his neck. Leaving behind a pretty mark or two. Just to keep nosy foster sisters away from his Patroclus.
 
“ I don't care, I want them to hear how I love you,” Achilles nipped at his neck a final time, “and only
you
.”  
 
Patience wasn’t a virtue he was known for, so he cupped Patroclus at the back of his thighs. Once he was fitted into his greedy grip, rocked into him a little. Enjoying the small hiss he uttered. 
 
What Achilles really wanted was him moaning and screaming his name with reckless abandon. 
 
Loud enough for his wife to hear.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Whenever they ventured out from their room after playing the roles of newly reunited newlyweds, they explored what little woodlands grew on the sparse island. They always had to be on guard so that Achilles’ secret would not be discovered, as court ladies shouldn’t be able to run, jump, or throw spears so accurately.

One day on their adventures, they came upon a rocky beach, twice the size of the track Achilles had run at home. Here his lover was free to drop his disguise and run wild which he took full advantage of.

Achilles shouted as he took off, “Watch me, Patroclus.”

He chuckled to himself. When wasn’t he not watching Achilles? The way his feet danced over the ground,

“I’m watching,” he called back fondly.

Achilles stopped a moment, his blond hair flowing around him, “You better. I’m showing off just for you.”

“How generous of you, my prince!” Patroclus returned.

His love shook his head before taking off again. One… two...five…. eight...ten. Patroclus blinked a moment to rest his eyes, Achilles was more the shape of a blur than any figure of a man. It had only been long before Achilles dropped beside him, eyes bright and cheeks flushed. However, he wasn’t even breathless. If that had been him, he easier would have been panting and a sweaty mess.

“Did you see how many?” Achilles asked. He hadn’t.

“I hadn’t.”

He pouted at him, “I told you to watch.”

“I did but you’re going much too fast, I could barely make you out, you were but a blur, not a man.”

He grinned then, “So, you did see.”

Patroclus laid back, “I suppose I did.”

“Well?”

“Well, what?” A laugh like a bell rang out, he would never get tired of that sound.

“How fast do you think I was going?” Achilles asked, preening for his attention. His adoration.

Patroclus thought for a moment, “Too fast.”

Achilles hummed, “Mm, it almost felt like I was as if I was flying.” Freedom they both longed to be away from here, but he wondered what awaited when they left this island. The blood and tragedy that lay in wait.

“You looked like you were from what I could see.”

“Imagine if we could be free.” Achilles mused his fingers fanning out to peek at the Sun from between them. The afternoon was nearly gone and soon they would both have to condense themselves to fit into Lycomedes’s little court with lies and deceit.

“Even if we could, what's stopping us from becoming Icarus,” Patroclus returned quietly. Icarus had fallen because he thought he could best the Gods and thus was punished.

“We would have each other, we won’t fall.”

“Achilles, he fell because of arrogance, he thought he could best the Gods and come away unscathed.” To think there was any way of dreaming to escape it would be for naught. He knew already what the cost of arrogance was. Blood, so much blood.

“Arrogance,” Achilles repeated it as if he was tasting it.

“Do you think I’m arrogant?~” although he said it teasingly, Patroclus heard the question in it.

“Sometimes,” his lover exhaled a breath of betrayal. He continued, “however because of how you were raised I can’t fault you for it. Yet sometimes it scares me how you speak of-,” Patroclus lowered his voice, “Them.”

“Them?” Achilles questioned his’ cat-smile appearing, “I don’t fear them, in fact, they should fear me.”

“Achilles!” he all but shouted, “please don’t.”

Emerald eyes gleamed almost amused, before they turned serious, “Alright I’ll be more careful of my words from now on.”

“Thank you.” Something flickered across Achilles’ face but before he could even register it, it was gone.

“Anything for you,” Achilles murmured lips against his cheek. Just like that Patroclus had put that expression out of mind.

Only for you.

Achilles would never be afraid of “Them” but there was something about the way Patroclus spoke so carefully now. In the past he would have readily agreed with going against the Gods or Fate, now he appeared spooked. Or troubled. Who had dared threaten or hurt him?!

Prime candidate would be his mother, but then again she was never one to get her hand dirty. As much as she hated his lover, she would never seek to hurt him because harming him meant hurting him. So something must have happened... Mt. Pelion.

Patroclus had been so unspeakably sad in the days leading up to their departure, his sadness was even more unbearable as he had broken his heart twice over now. Broken promises to him, and now this. His wife. His unborn son.

“Did something happen to make you afraid?,” He asked carefully, Patroclus glanced up at him in sheer panic.

“I’m not ready to tell you about that. I promise I will.  I just can’t now, please don’t ask again.”

Achilles raised an eyebrow, he hadn’t even meant to ask about that. However, he now knew it was connected to Patroclus' sudden carefulness and the mournful air that lingered around him at times.

“I swear that I won’t ask until you're ready to tell me.”

Dark eyes met his, cloudy with pain, he lost all will to argue. “ I’ll tell you, just not now. I’m not ready. Please give me just a little more time.”

“Always, Patroclus. I’ll always be patient with you no matter what.” He promised kissing his forehead.

________________________________________________________________________________

By dinner, he was back in his stifling dress and veil. His jewelry twinkling in the low light of the hall. Uncomfortable silence settles over the table as he, Patroclus, King Lycomedes, and Deidameia struggle through yet another dinner. After the screaming match that happened weeks ago, dinner happens solely between the four of them with a visitor or counselor ever so often. Patroclus kept his eyes downcast as he picked at his meal, while Deidameia alternated between boring holes in his lover to desperately trying to gain his attention. He and the King met eyes ever so often and the disappointment that rests in them reminds him too much of his father.

These dinners had a purpose besides being awkward, they were to allude suspicion from his gender and to cement his supposed marriage to Patroclus. Oh, how he could only wish that was true. Husbands. The thought made him want to cry, however, the most they could ever be was lovers.

Nevertheless, he wanted to be away from Deidameia’s pleading looks and back to the safety of their room or on the little spot on the island.

Patroclus nudged his leg under the table, turning to him and asked what was the matter?

“The princess would like to know if you are well.”

Again seriously when would she come to understand that he would never-

Patroclus nudged him again, his eyes pleading. He would never understand why he tried to make him show her attention. It wasn’t as if there was anything to be gained from it, he couldn’t-wouldn’t love her. In fact, it was almost cruel of him, however, Patroclus never did anything out of cruelty he thought he was being kind.

He  told him one day after such a dinner, “

You don’t have to humiliate her, Achilles.”

If Patroclus knew of her true nature he would despise her just as much. Ha, the victim, she was eager to spend her nights in his bed regardless of his wants. Achilles had told her about their night together but omitted what she had done. The countless nights he had spent under her.

Yet for his Patroclus whose heart was so kind, “I’m doing well.” he said, finally answering her question before taking the last bite of his food.  Fuck this, he rose.  Patroclus excused himself shortly afterward.

If he ripped another dress, that was a shame. His mother would just have to bring him more.

Taking another spear in hand, tossed it as far it could do. A distinct sound of a tree being hit followed it, he didn’t care he just kept aiming. After a while, he had no more spears to aim, but damn he felt so restless.

“Achilles.” Patroclus lightly touched his shoulder, “what’s the matter?”

“Everything is the matter,” he hissed, “I hate it here, I’m miserable. I feel trapped.”

I feel there is a distance between us. Everything feels wrong.

His love tried to soothe him, “ Soon we will leave this place.”

“Not soon enough, soon we will be trapped here if we don’t leave before winter sets in. Boats can’t sail to or from here.”

Patroclus’ face turned to horrified before relaxing, “ So be it.”

Achilles whipped away from him, “ You want to stay here?”

“No of course not, it’s just-.”

“What reason would I possibly have to stay on this accursed island.”

Your child.”

The looming war.

Patroclus could come up with a thousand reasons why.

“What of-.” Patroclus cut him off, knowing well of his view of children.

“Don’t ever say such a thing. This child is innocent of all this, don’t scorn them. Please if not for them then for me. I hate such cruelty.”

Green eyes softened immediately, “ I would never.” He wasn’t that heartless.

“Promise it. Swear you will do right by this child.”

“I will do right by this child, I swear it.” Him a father, Achilles couldn’t even comprehend being a father, must lest holding an infant. A child so small and fragile that depended on him. Gods he wasn’t ready, not now not yet. And he did love children, he enjoyed their carefree spirit however having your own child was different. Honestly, he was afraid, afraid….yet with Patroclus at his side, he didn’t feel so helpless or lost.

His love proposed, “When they are born we shall take them back to Pthtia, your father will be delighted to hold his grandchild.” Father would be so happy to hold his first grandchild.

Patroclus’ eyes were alight with excitement, he was truly willing to raise and love his son. Yet, he almost didn’t want to tell him of how he had worked things out with his mother.
 
Thetis was going to take the child as soon as it was weaned and raise them. The thought had brought him both dread and relief. He would never hardly even see the child and that the child was to be cared for well after in the event of his death. However his mother was not the most affectionate, his own childhood was a testament to her abysmal nurturing. The endless days he had spent crying for her. It-
 
“Achilles?!,” Patroclus asked, brushing his hand against his cheek, “is something wrong?”

It was now or never.
 
“My mother will take him when he is weaned and raise him. She has already spoken with the king and Deidameia at length.” His love bit at his lip.
 
Oh, that poor babe.
 
“Are you alright with this decision?” 
 
“I’m not pleased with it but there is little power I hold, even as her son. She has decided and it will be done.”
 
“Ah, I see.” He saw how Patroclus deflated at the news. He was so kind and gentle, just as he thought he would be wonderful with children. They sat there in silence.

Thinking of children brought his mind to another dark place, one day Patroclus too would have to marry and have children. 
 
However it would be fair, Patroclus too needed to pass on his name. He had no right to interfere or be jealous. After all, even if he was married, neither of them had the intention of ending their relationship.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Achilles was growing restless, it was bleeding into everything. The frustration, not even their daily runs could alleviate it if anything the fact he was forced to put on a dress and veil and pretend that all was well much had been driving him mad. If he was honest all of this was driving him a little mad too, especially since he took on the brunt of Achilles’ pent up energy. Playing and racing until dinner and “playing” of a different kind when the stars came out. In short, he was exhausted and he slept in more often than not before repeating the same grueling schedule. However Achilles was visiting his mother today, so he was left to much of his own devices. Which meant blessed sleep.
 
A knock at the door startled him into pulling sheets around himself. He waited for them to leave, but the knocking grew all the more insistent. Cursing to himself reluctantly got dressed and tamed his hair before answering the door. When the door swung open, he hadn’t expected to see guards. The men asked him to follow him, he did but felt a sense of foreboding building in his stomach.
 
“Who summoned me?” Patroclus racked his mind to think of who could call him, Thetis was with Achilles-
 
“The princess did.” one of the guards explained as they turned down another hallway. His sinking feeling had only grown, she was going to kill him. Of all the days for Achilles to be away.

Only now had it dawned on him that this was the women’s halls. The hushed sounds of words and laughter came from behind closed doors. Finally, they stopped at a door. The guard butted part of his spear in his direction, so he entered.
 
Sunlight and the scent of something floral drew him to Deidameia sitting on a lounger. She was alone, he breathed a small sigh of relief so he wasn’t getting murdered. At worst she probably wanted to scream at him for hogging Achilles’ love and affection. She eyed him as if she was dissecting his every weakness. Drawing up all of his courage asked, “Is there a reason you called me?”
 
She shifted in her chair and sniffed with contempt, “ Yes, Patroclus I wanted to speak with you.”

Her emerald eyes scanned over him as her finger tapped a rhythm against the arm of the lounger.

He noticed that her dress was not tied in the usual way that showed her figure but in a way that concealed her growing bump. A soft pang went through him, by now he would have been well past showing. Her hair hung loose around her shoulders, only ivory combs shone in the russet waves. Soon she found whatever it was that she had been looking for and smiled at him.
 
“I don’t know what it is about you. You’re very funny looking, ordinary almost yet-.” Ordinary or not Achilles loved him that was all he needed. However, he felt a need to defend himself, already knowing of his awkward looks, didn’t need her to point out flaws. 
 
The princess had inherited her father’s way of pausing as if expecting an answer and it felt awkward not to at least give her response. He parted his lips-
 
“I didn’t give you permission to speak.” Patroclus hid a sigh, by the Gods would he ever get back to his bedroom in peace. 
 
She continued attacking his appearance, “I find it hilarious, there is nothing about you that stands out nothing at all. Even the boys in the kitchen are more interesting to look at than you. You’re tall-.”
 
Enough of this, in fact, it had nothing to do with him and everything to do with Achilles.“Your highness, I’m sure you have much better things to do than to mock me, surely it isn’t as if you will gain anything from deeming me,” he grit out at last. Her eyes narrowed, as her lips curled into a smirk.

“I do but I was only making you understand your place. Everyone quite agrees with me that you are ugly and plain. My ladies and father have said so.” So now he was ugly too in addition to plain.
 
“Achilles does not seem to think so.” he retorted like a taunt. If she wanted to be childish then so be it.

“Achilles’ has queer tastes, such befitting his status as a prince.” 
 
The tongue on this one. 
 
“You have said your peace, what do you want?”
 
She raised her chin, “I want to know why? Why when he has me does he choose someone like you? Am I not beautiful?”
 
“You are beautiful,” he said not only to placate her but because it was true. Her beauty outpaced his in every way however he was beginning to see why Achilles found her presence annoying. She reminded him of a child throwing temper tantrums when she didn’t get her way.
 
“Then why does he pay me no mind, acts as if I do not exist as if I’m not his wife. As if I do not carry his son!” she screamed, rising ready to fling herself at him in rage.

“I don’t know.” He very well knew the reason, Achilles simply did not care for her or the fact that she carried his child. Wife and child were just words to him, titles that held no meaning. Patroclus knew Achilles often had a callous disregard for others and their feelings. So he took it upon himself to try and show him to put more care in his actions and words. Honestly, sometimes even that wasn’t enough. He could plead and plead all he wanted however it was up to Achilles to act on it. Even then it was only because he asked not because he truly cared, but solely to please him. 
 
“ANSWER ME!” Patroclus flinched, if she kept shouting like that the guards would surely come.
 
He was never one to be cruel with his words, they were always carefully measured, however just a slip of resentfulness slipped out, “What do you want me to say? You already know the truth, there's no reason to ask me?”

Like a pin cushion stabbed she deflated back into the lounger. Now he regretted having been so harsh, she was in a delicate state he had no right to upset her like so.

Her breaths came slow, controlled as if to stop herself from crying. He knew of this trick as he had used it many times. Finally after a few moments, and her discreetly wiping her eyes, she met his.
 
“I hate you, by all the Gods new and old. I hate you Patroclus,” Deidameia hissed. That was fine, a lot of people hated him. What was one more person? More than anything he felt pity building, it was not easy to bear the weight of someone’s indifference. Years at his father’s court had shown him how just a lack of presence could numb one's heart, soul, and mind. He almost wanted to console. Tell her he was sorry that Achilles did not love her and for the cruelty, she had endured. Sorry that Thetis had tricked her into believing that Achilles could love her if she had his child. But that would be even more cruel…
 
His head twisted to the side for the force of it. Lightly he touched at his smarting cheek, she had slapped him. Patroclus gaped at her a moment, it had been years since someone had hit him. 
 
Emerald eyes dared him to retaliate, he would never.
 
Patroclus merely breathed through his nose, and calmly stated that he was leaving, “If you are done abusing me, I’ll be taking my leave. Your highness.” He bowed.
 
A vice-like grip on his wrist prevented him from leaving, “I did not give you permission to leave.”

Shaking her off, “I do not need such permission,” he met her eyes, “I have already told you what you wanted to hear thinking you would be pleased.” Pleased was far from what she was. If 
anything she was furious.
 
“I want to know why you is it you? An exile. A murder, an ugly plain-faced man. Why you? Why does he love you? Answer me this.”
 
Achilles gave him various privileges such as the guarding of his heart and looking to him for his approval. Yet to say such things would be like flaunting it.
 
‘I don’t know truly. I do not know why I been chosen.” She slapped him again.
 
“You lie.”
 
“I do not lie. I do not know-,” he paused, “He did not tell me why.”

“I love you for because you have always treated me as an equal. Sheltering me in your endless kindness. You want me to be Achilles and only Achilles. Just as I want you to be Patroclus.”

Her face crumpled and she began sobbing outright, a hand stretched out before he realized what he was doing. She would only grow angry at the gesture, thinking him pitying her. 
 
However, she didn’t seem to mind as she sobbed into his chest.
 
“I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.” Slowly he wrapped his arms around her. 
 
“I’m sorry,” he couldn’t find anything else to say but this.
 
“You are the reason he doesn't love me. You will set sail with him and what will I be left with,” she between choked sobs.
 
This was the truth and there was little he could do to refute it.
 
“You have won,” she hissed, eyes rimmed in redness “I hope you are pleased for tomorrow I will be leaving here, “visiting my aunt” as my belly is growing too large to conceal. It would be shameful if my pregnancy was revealed before my marriage was.”

Patroclus led her to sit back on the lounger so that she could regain her composure, propping the stool to rest under her feet. 
 
“You must hate me,” she said so quietly to the point he had to strain his ears to hear her.
 
“I-.”
 
“You were jealous when you discovered that we had been wed and surely you despise me for the fact that we lay together.” How could he have not been? 
 
It had broken his heart like no other when it had been discovered that his lover was now a husband and a father. Things he could never give Achilles no matter how much he wished, however, he tried not to hold her or Achilles responsible for his pain. This entire thing had been because of Thetis’ scheme. 
 
“I don't, you're giving him the one thing. I could never give him.” Patroclus meant every word, regardless of his envy and hurt. His own belly was empty of children and from the way Chiron had spoken, it would always be empty. 
 
“You should, I have all that you want,” she told him, her arrogance returning, “I shall bear the child of

Aristos Achaion,

they will throw praises at my feet. My son will be greater than even him.

”

Let her believe what she wished, for in truth she had everything and at the same time nothing at all, soon it wouldn't matter. She was leaving for her confinement, Achilles, and he were set to sail for home. Then to Troy.
 
Achilles had already told him how his mother planned to take the child from her after he has been weaned. The babe was to be a boy. She would be deprived of both child and husband. He felt sorry for her, to not only leave behind her dancing and foster sisters but to give birth. A task she would either succeed or fail at the cost of her life. So he would give her any comfort she sought. He could spare her this, being kind to her. 
 
“I don’t hate you, I could never hate you. I pray for both your health and your child’s,” he told her departing.

_____________________________________________________________

The moment the door shut, Deidameia instantly felt guilty. She had been cruel to him while he showed her nothing but compassion. Had taken advantage of his kindness to torment him. Jealousy had fueled her motivation, to find out what had made Achilles so mad about him? 
 
Now she knew Achilles loved him for his nature. Patroclus had every reason to despise her. She had stolen his lover and humiliated him at every turn while he had been nothing but courteous to her. He had spoken on her behalf to get Achilles to pay her some form of attention. 
 
It had been a kind gesture, but Achilles would never forgive her for what she had done. How shamelessly she had behaved. Cradling her growing belly and her child would suffer for it. 
 
Tears dripped down her cheeks.
 
How she wished he could have loved her. Loved their child. Stayed here with her. Instead, he was leaving with the one he truly loved and she was to remain here on this tiny island. Her son would grow up to be great or so his Goddess grandmother had promised, and she would be left with nothing.
 
She wept silently for that had come and all that had yet to come.

Closing the door to their room Patroclus sat down a moment trying to regain a sense of balance. Right now everything felt out of strange, his heart squeezed from the phantom pain of grief and his cheeks still throbbing from blows. Flopping into their bed buried his face in his pillow.
 
If he stayed in bed for the rest of the day what did it matter? There was nothing for him to attend to or no one to entertain with a facade of everything being alright.  Achilles was away with his mother or perhaps playing his charade of being a woman. No one would know if he sobbed into his pillow. Wiping his face of dried tears, he pulled himself together. He needed to have it together before dinner. If Achilles caught even a tear, he’d hound him all night with questions. Questions that he just didn’t feel like answering.

His lover returned smelling of the sea. His curls were simply damp, so he must have taken a swim after meeting with his mother.
 
“How was your day?” Achilles breathed at the crux of his neck. Reaching around to card his fingers through his damp hair.
 
“Fine, I slept in.” That was the truth after he cried his eyes.
 
“Mm, you needed the rest.” Patroclus had not looked well even before he came here, “if you’re still feeling tired. I can make up some excuse for you not to attend dinner.”
 
“Achilles I’m fine, I was-,” hm how should he explain this, “was a little tired. It’s your fault you won’t let me rest, my lord.” Achilles laughed against him.
 
“Gods, don’t tease me.”
 
“I can’t help it you’re so easy to rile up, all it takes is-,”
 
“It’s not my fault you look so beautiful when you blush,” he argued, which of course made him blush. 
 
“See there you go,” his weight was a comfort after this morning’s events. Achilles suddenly stopped nuzzling against him.
 
“What’s the matter?”
 
“Hmm, what do you mean.”
 
“You're doing it again,” he said.
 
“Doing what?” By the Gods, he was like a Fury that had smelt blood, never one to let go.
 
“Hiding something.”
 
“Hm I not, I just missed you.” He had missed him terribly this morning, it was lonely to not wake up in his arms.
 
“Oh.”
 "Why" 
“Nothing, I was just,” and he was back to nuzzling him. 
 
“Achilles,” he said.
 
“Hmm?”
 
“We have to go to dinner.”
 
“We don’t have to, we could always go fishing and eat on the beach.” Achilles suggested, and if he was honest was rather tempted by the idea.
 
“We can't, you know we can’t.” Achilles sighed again, he felt a flash of guilt for disappointing him.
 
“Sorry, my love perhaps tomorrow.” Tomorrow there would be no need to continue this charade.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

The next morning King Lycomedes, announced to the court that the princess was off to visit a sick aunt. A weight felt as if it had been lifted from Achilles’ shoulders, he could breathe more easily, there were no more awkward dinners with the king, his wife, and lover.
Patroclus too seemed at ease, although dark shadows crossed his vision every so often. The secret that hung over them like an omen, whatever it was had brought his love to the very brink of despair.
Yet at the same time, the court eyed them with something akin to suspicion after all Deidameia had been sent away after Patroclus appeared as “Pyrrha’s husband”. Most of the court had begun whispering that “Pyrrha” and Deidameia had engaged in an affair and that’s why she had been so upset with Pyrrha’s husband appearing to whisk her away. If only they knew that the truth was far more convoluted than that.
Deidameia’s foster sisters had taken to trying to glean information about both the situation and his “husband”.
They had all but ambushed him after breakfast, dragging him off to the women’s quarters.
Their questions came like a flurry.
“Is it true what they said about-” That one he refuted quickly.
“How old is your husband.”
“Sixteen,” he replied pretending to embroider his misshapen flower. Oh well, it wasn’t as if he was giving it anyone. Well maybe if he could salvage it, Patroclus would like it… or would find it hilarious.“Oh the same age, how rare.”“Did your father approve of the match?” another asked. Achilles nodded because in a way his father had approved of Patroclus being his therapon.Efimia tittered, “Ah, he is young and handsome. How come you're not pregnant yet if your husband is young and virile then a child should come soon.Achilles flinched just a fraction. Children were the last thing he wanted to think about.The others chattered excitedly now, “The way they rarely venture out of their room is all that we need to know.”“You two are trying aren’t you?” another pipped up.“Of course,” he paused, fluttering his lashes just to sell it, “it’s just right now he wants to keep all my attention to himself. We are newly married after all.”That got the immediate reaction of girls giggling and some sighing at the thought.“He’s so manly. Gods Prrhya, how do you stand such a man? I would die from his sheer-.”Achilles let the room settle before giving them his patented cat grin, “Are you so sure it isn’t I overwhelm him? After all, I have made my marks quite clear on him.” Dark and purpling against his skin, high enough where they couldn’t be covered. The sheer thought sinking into his soft flesh made his teeth itch.“Pyrrha we would never dream of stealing your husband,” Efimia said. Right, it was written as plain as day on their faces when they saw or spoke of him as if any of these plain women could ever be good enough for his Patroclus.“I never said that did I? Just as he marks me, I mark him as well. It’s how he shows his love for me, by being obedient and submitting to me.” Achilles returned, making his claim known. Efimia had always been Deidameia's favorite little lackey, now that her mistress wasn’t here she thought she had the chance to be in control. As if.“Pyrrha you’re so lucky, Chironidies is perfect, he’s so tall-.”“Aren’t I lucky” he cut her off. This had grown boring, finished with his flower deposited it right back into the basket.“If you’ll excuse me, ladies, I must go and see my husband,” he said departing.Gods that had been draining. He hoped Patroclus was ready to go fishing.___________________________________________“Hah-a.” Patroclus broke away from him, dark eyes glazed over. Lips swollen to perfection, he told him as much.His lover only laughed it away, “Come I’ll help you start gutting them.”“Alright,” Achilles pecked his lips once more for good measure. Easily he hefted the fish they had caught over to the small fire they had going.After steady teamwork, the fish was laying over the fire, the aroma making their stomachs growl.Firelight illuminated them both as they settled into a peaceful atmosphere watching the sunset. This reminded him of their youth, catching fish from the river and spending the afternoon gorging on fish and berries or whatever their greedy stomachs wanted. Sharing kisses as flames crackled and popped.“Shame there are no edible berries here,” he mused. Patroclus laughed a little.“A shame indeed, although the selection of herbs isn’t lacking.” They had found a sizable number of herbs in the nearby woodlands.Periodically his love would check on the fish before settling back into his side. Gentle kisses turned into full-blown making out until they smelled smoke.Patroclus jerked away from him, “The fish.” Fortunately, it was still edible if not a little charred. His love looked so disheartened he couldn’t help but laugh a little.
“It’s still good,” he said, taking a bite.Patroclus sighed again, “I suppose it.” They ate and gazed at the stars.He was pleased to have Patroclus stroke his hair as the fire died down.“Are you satisfied now my Achilles?” Patroclus asked in his ever gentle way. Lifting a hand ever so lightly touched his cheek.“I’m always satisfied when I’m with you.”“And I you.”
________________________________________________
Their fishing trip had done both of them good. Achilles was still restless, but he seemed happier. Lighter, it could have been that with the princess gone, he wasn’t forced to bend himself to her will. Not that his love ever bent to anyone’s.However, this couldn't last forever. King Lycomedes had often fixed them with looks filled with both contempt and sadness. In all honesty, the king had every right to feel angry, his only child had been sent away lest she be shamed for being pregnant without revealing her husband. A husband who showed no sympathy for her and the child they now shared. His sole reason for sheltering them was done at the behest of a goddess. One who could call forth waves that would sink Skyros to the bottom of the seafloor if displeased.
Achilles had told him mother had done it the age before the Titans fell.“They refused to give her father proper tribute thus she punished them.” Patroclus found the tale ironic for a goddess who did not like tributes such as wine or other offerings. When he asked Achilles why that was, he shrugged.“I don’t know, she does not say.”
Still, it was becoming obvious that their welcome was wearing day by day until he found a polite excuse to throw them out or the war found a way here.Whichever came first.
__________________________________________________________
He woke up on that particular morning feeling as if something wasn’t right. Just as his skin felt as if it was crawling and his stomach flipped and flopped with nausea. It was the same feeling he had felt so many moons ago. Something was coming but what?Glancing over at Achilles who was for once asleep, willed himself to calm down. There was only so much within his control. If something was coming, they would face it together. That in mind laid back beside his lover. Achilles accepted him back into his warm embrace, completely dead to the world.Soon he would be too.Later that day Achilles took him exploring again, he was like a small child filled with energy. Here they had found a cliff that overlooked much of the sea. A stunning view that gave a view over the bay. They often came here to watch the setting sun.“Cute”, he thought, watching him climb various points on the cliff.“Patroclus look!” Achilles shouted from one of the higher points on the cliff. Ever eager for his attention.“I’m coming, Achilles,” he called back, climbing the rocky terrain, finally reaching the top. Achilles beamed at him pointing to the ship coming in over the horizon.“What do you think the ship will bring? Visiting dignitaries, merchants, or.. more foster sisters. His love asked playfully. Glazing at the ship, his discomfort from this morning came back in full force, yet the ship appeared to be a merchant ship. However, it was too far to judge the colors of the flag.So with some uncertainty,free-spirited he said, “Merchants.”“Hm, maybe. I think dignitaries.” That was mean as they both knew few came to the island of Skyros save the ones who wanted to be rid of troublesome daughters or merchants who came every so often.“Well if I’m right, you hm,” Patroclus thought for a moment. What could he wager with?“Have to buy you something from the merchants,” Achilles cut in. Aha-he had it.“No, but since you said it, I guess you do now,” Patroclus teased facing the horizon. His breath caught at how the light arced around him. Beautiful“Always,” Achilles responded lovestruck. Crinkles formed at his eyes as he laughed ever so slightly.“There is no need to be so serious, my love it’s just a game. And if you’re right, I’ll kiss you.”Achilles could take it no more, he wanted no needed him in his arms.“Promise it,” Achilles’ breath teased at his ear, his hands already woven around his waist drawing him in, “you won’t renege on your promise or be sullen because you lost.”“I won’t,” dark lashes kissed at his cheeks, “I promise.” Calloused palms cradled his face so gently.“Can I kiss you now or will I have to wait?” Achilles asked, his voice was wrecked. Patroclus, Patroclus all he could focus on was his dark eyes and dark lashes, his plump lips...“Now kiss me now,” Patroclus demanded, and Achilles wasn't going to hesitate. He couldn’t afford to.He tasted clean, like a spring that was refreshing his very soul. Patroclus, his Patroclus.
Patroclus nibbled at his bottom lip refusing to part from him despite the fact they both desperately needed air.“Mmh, no,” Patroclus panted as he finally drew back“Why did you stop?” Patroclus pouted making his swollen lips even more appealing.“Keep kissing me like that,” he whispered, “ we’ll never leave here.” lightly grabbing at his hips Patroclus bit his lips ever so slightly, doing so made them all the more vibrantly red. Like freshly bloomed roses or blood. Patroclus his Patroclus. Gods he made him crazyMeeting his promise with a challenge, “What does it matter? Let’s stay here.” Dinner would be tedious, why not stay here and have their peace with each other. They could go fishing again, he promised not to burn them this time.When had Patroclus gotten so free-spirited? Not that he minded it all, he was merely curious.
All curiosity was forgotten when Patroclus reclaimed his lips.Needless to say, they hadn’t missed dinner despite how long they had been away. Achilles had to however dress himself more properly befitting his feminine disguise. Patroclus’ collar was marked yet again by more darkening bruises in the shape of teeth._____________________________________________________________________Deidameia’s foster sisters were gossiping about them, good they knew to stay away from what was his.Patroclus fidgeted ever so slightly however at the stares and gossiped snippets, under the table he slipped his hand in his. With their fingers laced, he was content. Gossip or not they were together and no one was going to tear them apart. All he needed was an opportunity, a chance to leave this accursed island.Dinner had appeared to be uneventful as usual when he noticed a group of men parting through the crowd. Achilles watched them carefully but found nothing out of the ordinary with them so he turned back to Patroclus. His Patroclus who was struggling to keep his eyes open, maybe he had tired him out too much, today.“Ready to depart?” He whispered, Patroclus only nodded.“Yeah, I’m pretty beat.”Achilles kissed his forehead softly, “I’m sure you are.” Paying their respects to the king, they both walked out of the hall. Achilles stopped slightly in the doorway, turning back and found a pair of grey eyes boring back. What a peculiar merchant? He raised an eyebrow even though they wouldn’t see it with his veil, Patroclus tugged on his hand.“Love, I'm tired, let whatever it is be until tomorrow.” That shook him out of his staring contest.“Of course, it can wait until tomorrow,” he muttered more to himself than Patroclus, following him.
In the safety of their bed, he told Patroclus of his strange encounter. Patroclus laughed a little against him.“Perhaps he had found you to be incredibly beautiful?” He teased, “Gods know I do.”
Just for that Achilles pinned him to the bed. Cheeky little thing.His Patroclus only laughed wrapping his arm around his neck, slotting their bodies more firmly together. Ever so slightly he kissed him, this time their bodies came together at a much more sedated pace.Soft rays of sunlight shone onto his face through the cracks in the shutters, Patroclus groaned and buried his face into his pillow. Only then he realized how quiet it was, and figured that Achilles had long gone to cement his role as a “woman” The moment he considered getting up his head quickly reminded him why that wasn’t a great idea. Craning his neck tried to gauge the time, giving up when both his head and body disagreed with him. Achilles had been so passionately last night, all while leaving his marks on him. All over him, sigh. Patroclus thought fondly drawing the covers back over him. There was nothing to be done today and no doubt Achilles would drag him off to see extraordinary sites around the island later. It was wonderful to see him so enthused and happy for once, dare he say even a little adorable. He fell asleep just thinking of his sparkling green eyes. Achilles was so cute…A sudden knock abruptly startled him from sleep, Patroclus groggily prepared himself to answer the door. In the end, he couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed figuring it was a servant or Lycomedes summoning.“Come in,” he told them. The door swung open with a soft creak.
“Too late for that,” a voice replied, sounding too amused for its own good.
Patroclus only vaguely registered that it couldn’t be a servant or summon. Every time, he wanted to take a nap there was always trouble. Smoothing his hair slightly as he sat up pulling the covers with him trying not to feel vulnerable in his current state.Examining the man he would say that he was tall and muscular with olive skin and with dark hair shot through with gray, and even darker gray eyes. His lips quirked up with practiced ease, something about him was startling familiar, he simply couldn’t place it.The man continued, “I hope I’m not disturbing you?”Patroclus was somewhat at a loss because he had disturbed him by simply barging in.“It’s alright, I have been sleeping too long.” He already felt his headache rearing its ugly head again.“I was hoping to speak with you if you had the time?”Well, the man has already come into his room, he might as well hear him out. He nodded and the man grabbed a nearby chair and sat. Patroclus waited for him to speak despite his growing unease. He happened to glance at his hand realizing that while they were rough and callous, the kind that would fit with a plow like a farmer. However his bearing was like nobility, already he was on his guard, deciding to probe for his identity.“Who are you?” He asked, shifting the blanket up a little more hoping that would cover up the bruising on him.The man laughed, “ I apologize for my poor manners, not only have I burst into your room, but I have neglected to introduce myself. I’m one of the great king’s Agamemnon’s captains. I travel the islands and speak to promising young men-such as yourself,” he paused, Patroclus again noticed that the man had not named himself.“About joining our army to fight against Troy. Have you heard of it?” Of all things he has expected out of the man’s mouth that hadn’t been it.“I have,” he said dully, wondering how quickly it would take him to run to Achilles with the news. The ships had been filled not with merchants or diplomats but recruits for the war.“Good,” the man said, stretching his legs out in front of him, and Patroclus noticed a raised pink scar that ran from his ankle to his right knee. He knew that scar, he knew it very well.Now it did not matter that the man did not give him a name, he already knew him based on that scar alone.OdysseusHe was older now and had come into his strength but there was no doubt…Suddenly he was back in the halls filled with incense and chattering, a boy much older than him with that very same scar.Patroclus blinked and found himself an unwilling participant being dragged from his memories when Odysseus fixed him with a perplexed look. His heart felt as if it was ready to spring from his chest. Did he know it was him? Remember his face at all.“Ah forgive me, I had been lost in my own thoughts.” He told him. Odysseus nodded and told him again.
“Are you interested in joining the fight.”“I don’t think you would want me, I wouldn’t make a very good soldier,” he chuckled a tad hoping to evade extending this conversation further.Odyssey’s mouth twisted up ever so slight, it almost could be called a smile yet appeared more like a smirk.“It’s funny that no one seems to want to come when I come calling.” His tone was light as if it was a joke among friends. They weren’t friends.“What is your name.” Peculiar that he asked for his name yet neglected to reveal himself, so he too would conceal his identity.“Chironides,” he breathed with ease.Odysseus’ brows furred at the name, but he nodded repeating it, “Chironides.” Patroclus watched his face for any sign that he had been recognized but he only dropped his hand to his knees and stood.“Well, Chironides, Agamemnon promises gold and honor for all who fight for him. The campaign looks to be short; we will have you back home by next fall. I will be here for a few days, and I hope you will consider it.”“That’s it?” He had expected persuasion and pressure, a long evening of it. Odysseus had somehow solved the issue of Helen’s marriage with no fuss and had even married her cousin if he wasn’t mistaken.Odysseus laughed, hearty and rich as if they were friends, “Yes that’s it. I assume I’ll see you at dinner.”
Patroclus nodded. Odysseus then stopped in the doorway and turned back at him.“You sure we have never met. You seem very familiar.” His heart hammered in his chest, Patroclus smiled in an effort not to let his face give anything away.“I’m sure I just have one of those faces or else I would have remembered meeting you-.”Patroclus tried again to see if Odysseus would reveal his name.He studied him a moment longer before shrugging, “ I suppose as you get older the less you remember, I must have confused you with another young man that I met.”
He scratched at his beard, “Who is your father?” Patroclus shrugged.“I was made an exile.”“Oh, I see. Where are you from?” Odysseus was trying his best to glean some form of information out of him.“The coast.” Patroclus would continue to give him only vague answers.“The North or South?”“The South.”Odysseus shook his head then, “I would have sworn that you were from the North, perhaps near Thessaly, say. Phthia. You have the same roundness to your vowels that is common there.”Patroclus nodded, in his mind, he cursed at being so obvious, of course, he had adopted upon the dialect of Pthtia after so many years. “I have traveled many places perhaps I picked it up.”“Yes, of course. Useless information is my curse, I’m afraid.” He was amused again, a slight smile, “ Now don’t forget to come find me if you decide to join us. Or if you happen to find other young men who may be interested in joining us.” A wink and he was finally gone. Patroclus released a slow breath and flopped back into his pillow. His headache had increased tenfold with his blood pressure no doubt.“Pat-ro-clus,” someone said near his ear no only one person said his name so sweetly, Achilles.“Achilles?!” Somewhat startled he fought to untangle himself from the sheets. All while his love snickered at him and his unruliness.“Tired, my love?” Achilles asked, settling in next to him. Patroclus let his head rest on his warm
shoulder.“Headache.”Achilles hummed thoughtfully, “Feel better now?”“Yeah, with you here I do.” His presence was like a salve on a very irritated wound, soothing. Safe. Warm.Achilles pecked his forehead, “You don’t have to go to dinner, you can stay and rest.”
Alarm ran through his system immediately, Odysseus was to be attending dinner tonight there was no way he was to go alone. Headache or not he simply must go.“Achilles, I’m fine it was just a headache. The Sun was too bright that’s all.” He pouted and fluttered his lashes ever so slightly, “And because you’re here I feel well again.” Achilles’ face colored slightly before he chuckled.“Most would say I cause headaches, you say I cure them.”“I never lie.”“No, my love you never do.” Patroclus wished they can stay here instead of going to dinner, but alas the show must go on.He slid out of Achilles’ embrace and instead dressed himself for dinner. All while feeling appreciative eyes on him. Patroclus decided to tease him a little when the items on the vanity caught his eyes.“Achilles come here, I’ll fix your makeup.” His statement was met with a loud snort. Achilles straightened his dress and settled next to him at it.“As if, I’ll let you do it.” Achilles stuck his tongue at him, “You would probably have my eyes looking like the Egyptians,” Patroclus bit his lip as not to laugh as he watched him pick up the pencil, a small bronze mirror in the other.“You must have a delicate hand like so…” By the time he has finished, completely crooked lines, Achilles frowned at the image, “Well…” Patroclus completely lost it when he tossed the pencil.“Nevermind it now, I have no need for it.”He was still laughing when Achilles caught him in his arms, pouting. He looked insane, which only made him laugh harder.“You’re supposed to tell me I look lovely and stare at me adoring as a husband should.”Patroclus took in his ridiculous eyeliner but the black made his emerald eyes all the more enthralling.“I always have my eyes on you, isn’t that enough.” his lips trailed against his jaw, “Greedy.”“But of course,” Achilles muttered tipping his chin upwards, kissing him, “I need your eyes on me, always.”_______________________________________________________________________________________At the sounding of the dinner bell, Patroclus threading his way through servant bearing platters and jugs of wine, his eyes caught King Lycomedes, Odysseus, and another man.King Lycomedes called him over when he caught his eyes, “Chironides, come here.” When he was in front of them, he introduced Odysseus, “This is Odysseus, ruler of Ithaca.”“Thank goodness for hosts,” Odysseus chuckled, “I realize that after I had left I had not given you my name.” Patroclus smiled pleasantly, he had tried several times to gain his name, and each time he had been evaded. Obviously, it had been purposeful.Yet he feigned surprise anyway, “You're a king?” going into a gesture of supplication just to sell it. A voice stopped him, “Actually he’s only a prince. I'm the only one who is a king.” Patroclus glanced up to find eyes so light they could have passed for gold. Sharp and predator like a wolf’s in his already angular face.“This is Lord Diomedes, King of Argos,” Lycomedes commented helpfully, “A comrade of Odysseus.” Another suitor of Helen’s, his mind supplied. Famous for his rise to kingship after tragedy and betrayal.Patroclus gave another smile and another bow, “Lord-.” King Diomedes had already moved away from. Now he had to find Achilles, earlier had been the perfect time to tell him, but in doing so may give him the out he had craved. A chance to leave this island.“Well?” Lycomedes asked, gesturing to the table, “shall we eat.”Dinner had started and Patroclus was glad to blend amongst the crowd of counselors. He nibbled at his meal while keeping his eyes on the trio, however, they were discussing things among themselves, paying him no mind. That was fine, he preferred it that way. Although it was funny to hear of Diomedes’ exasperation at Odysseus telling of his wedding bed, from his face it was likely not the first time he had heard it. Patroclus tuned the rest of it out until Diomedes' booming voice echoed around the hall.
“And perhaps, you should get some new stories to tell, I’m about to fucking kill myself from the sheer boredom.” Lycomedes appeared shocked, as such language was not used at state dinners. Odysseus took it in stride, was there nothing that shook his sly smile.“Truly the men of Argos get more and more coarse with each passing year. Lycomedes, let us show him a bit of civilization, shall we? I confess that I was hoping to catch a glimpse of those famous dancers of yours.”Something passed over Lycomedes’s face for a moment. He swallowed before beginning.“Yes of course,” he paused again, “I had not thought.”“As you wish.”“We do,” Diomedes said as almost leering. Patroclus felt a flash of fear. Thetis has told him to keep the women separately from visitors and by women she meant Achilles. Lest anything be discovered. Oh by the Gods, this was going to be a disaster as Odysseus seemed usually sharp.“Well,” Lycomedes said before beckoning for a servant to summon the women.The women arrived still making suitable arrangements to their clothes and jewelry. Achilles was the very back, hair covered, and eyes demurely downcast on the ground. His eyes anxiously sought out Odysseus and Diomedes’ reactions to Achilles, any hint of recognition. There wasn’t any, save for the appreciation that most men had when it came to beautiful women. Patroclus almost envied them yet his heart only knew of his Achilles.
Deidameia’s sisters took their places, and the music began. The room was entranced by their alluring steps, each complicated movement filled with grace. However, Patroclus found that without Deidameia, it felt lessened. She truly had been the best of them.Yet her absence was noted by Diomedes, “Which one is your daughter?”Lycomedes shook his head slightly, “She is not here, King of Argos. She is visiting family.”“Too bad, “ Diomedes said, “I had hoped it was that one.” He gestured to the last girl on the end, she was slim and auburn like Deidameia.Lycomedes cleared his throat slightly, paying no mind to his leering at his foster daughter instead asking, “Are you married, my lord.” No doubt he would be glad to be rid of them as he had too many, Patroclus supposed.Diomedes half-smiled, “For now.” He said, eyes never leaving the dancers.When the dance finished and the spell they had cast on the room had settled, Odysseus stood. Voice carrying even in the crowded room, “We are truly honored by your performance; not everyone could say they have seen the beautiful dancers of Skyros. As a sign of our admiration, we have brought gifts for you and your kings.”An excited murmur overcame the crowd, it was not often that luxury came to Skyros. People here simply did not have the money.
“You are too kind,” Lycomedes said this but his face was flushed with pleasure. For here in Skyros, even the king knew of the poverty of goods. Odysseus gestured and there were several chests brought forth by servants who unloaded them onto the long tables. Everyone leaned forward to take a peek at the items.“Please take what you like,” Odysseus said. No soon had the words passed his lips had the girls descended on the treasures like vultures. Ribbons and fabrics were unraveled and held up to compare how they looked in the light. Jewelry was scattered as they pulled from the chests. One girl had beads of pearls around her waist and arms, another dabbed perfume at her wrists. Others staying out of the way examined themselves in stunning handheld mirrors.Patroclus noticed among all of the beautiful trinkets there were things intended for Lycomedes and his counselors, leather shield, beautiful silver swords and their scabbards, and long beautiful spears. Lycomedes gravitated like a fish lured by a worm to one of them. Odysseus presided over the affair benevolently. Something about this whole event felt off, yet Patroclus wasn’t quite sure why.Achilles lingered at the back. Patroclus watched him meander around with some jewelry for a little while before he caught Diomedes moving in his peripheral vision. He appeared to be speaking with a servant, his demeanor was very relaxed and free-spirited.Achilles felt the urge to pout, Patroclus had sworn to always keep his eyes on him, and yet he was intently watching another man. Diomedes was decent looking but far too lecherous in his opinion. It didn’t matter because soon, his love’s eyes would be right back on him.Patroclus would have watched him more had he not felt a piercing stare one that teased at him.Achilles.Patroclus decided that whatever Diomedes was up to was nothing of importance. Watching Achilles was critical, there could be nothing that would give them away. His eyes locked with Achilles who held up an earring to his ear pretending to admire it. Patroclus smiled at him. If he hadn’t been in public, surely he would have laughed. Only he felt the need to be so cheeky at a time like this.The loud blasting of a trumpet disturbed the hall. Echoing throughout the sparse halls, loud and panicked. Everyone held their breath still trying to comprehend the noise when three more short bursts followed. At that, his heart dropped into his stomach as he was sure everyone in this room felt. Skyros was under attack. The final burst sounded and Lycomedes and his guards came to attention staring at the door. The women screamed and clung to each other, dropping their treasures.All the girls but one. Patroclus now knew why he had been uneasy for most of the day. He watched with horror as Achilles unsheathed a sword and a spear in hand and leaped over the table. His stance ready for battle. Clear as daylight his poise with the deadly weapons exposed his true gender for which woman was able to wield both a sword and spear and move so quickly. Patroclus released a soft breath yet despite Achilles giving away his identity, he was awed at how he truly appeared as the greatest warrior of this generation.
Patroclus forcefully dragged his attention from Achilles to Odysseus and Diomedes, only to see them smiling. Odysseus’ reminded him of a cat who had just caught a juicy rat and Diomedes’ held none of his previous ease; it was all sharp and ruthless. The gazes of generals.“Greetings, Prince Achilles,” Odysseus said, “We’ve been looking for you.”
With that everything had been exposed, now the court knew the truth. Achilles slowly lowered his weapons when he realized that there was no attack.“Lord Diomedes,” he stated rather calmly, “Lord Odysseus.” He inclined his head politely to Odysseus.“It is my pleasure to be such a subject of such a grand effort,” Achilles said while gesturing to the still frozen court, yet all entirely courteous. Patroclus had been afraid that he would snap at some point, yet he was doing wonderful. Taking their insults and returning to them their humiliation. They would find it harder to disgrace him if they had to resort to such a plan.“I assume you wish to speak with me?” Just a moment and I’ll join you.” He carefully placed the sword and spear on the table, before he undid the veil concealing his golden hair. Patroclus wanted to stop him, try to salvage what was left but it was too late. The court was already buzzing, taking in his figure as his curls bounced against his back. Yet there was nothing he could say or do that would undo everything. Achilles hadn’t cared and Patroclus had already known that he had grown tired of Skyros so his behavior was no surprise. Odysseus and Diomedes had come at just the right time.“Perhaps this would help,” Odysseus said, tossing Achilles a tunic. Emerald eyes flashed before he grinned just as sharp as Diomedes’.“Many thanks.” Achilles said. The court watched as he stripped to the waist before shedding it as the tunic fell in place.Odysseus turned to Lycomedes, “Lycomedes may we borrow a room of state, please? We have much to discuss with the Prince of Pthtia.”Lycomedes’ face was frozen, his mind no doubt thinking of his deal with Thetis, of his pregnant daughter. All of the havoc Achilles had brought to his once peaceful court. He didn’t answer.“Lycomedes!” Diomedes’ voice was like the cracking of a whip in the room.“Yes, of course,” Lycomedes said quietly pointing at an audience chamber to the left, “Just through there.” Patroclus pitied him, but more than anything he pitied himself and Achilles for their naivete. How they thought they could have hidden.Odysseus nodded, “Thank you.” He moved toward the door confident that Achilles would follow. He had no choice, they had no choice.“After you,” Diomedes said, smirking at Achilles. Patroclus saw Achilles’ eyebrow twitch but otherwise, his expression gave nothing away. He hesitated, his eyes finding his.“Oh yes,” Odysseus called over his shoulder noticing, “You’re more than welcome to bring
Patroclus along. We have business with him as well.” The entire time Odysseus had been testing him, toying with him just to see if he would slip up and spill his guts… fucker.Achilles’ brow twitched as his fists tightened. Oh no…He must have seen his expression for both loosened quickly.Patroclus made his way through the crowd, who whispered as he passed. He tried to pay them no mind as he entered the room. Diomedes smirked nastily at him as he shut the door.__________________________________________________________Threadbare chairs and tired tapestry greeted him. Patroclus sat as straight as he had been raised.Wait.He grimaced, realizing that this was the same room that he first encountered Deidameia. The beginning and end of his time on Skyros was marked by that room. Achilles too no doubt.
Achilles’ calm facade was beginning to crack, now that there was no longer an audience to perform for.“It was a trick,” he accused.Odysseus merely shrugged, unperturbed by the affair, “You were very hard to find, we had to get creative after all.Achilles scoffed, “You found me, now what do you want?” He noticed that Achilles had opted to cross his arms conveying his disinterest in whatever bull Odysseus was preparing to spill.“We want you to come to Troy.”“And if I do not?”Diomedes interjected, holding up Achilles’ discarded dress, “Then we make this known.” Achilles’ face darkened, at the threat. It was one thing to wear a dress for necessity. Yet others would not look favorably upon his lover if this was discovered. There were words, ugly words that were reserved for those who behaved like women; lives could be lost for such insults. Diomedes had no idea- more cracks appeared in his facade, he was about to explode.Odysseus held up a hand, “Now now we are all noble men here.”Patroclus mentally snorted, “What was noble about what they had pulled today?”“Things should have not gotten to this point, though I hope we can offer you some reason to come with us. Fame for instance. You will win much of it if you fight.”That was the best he had? Achilles wanted fame that was true but-“There will be other wars.” Achilles said coolly examining under nails.“Not this one,” Diomedes said, his eyes gleaming with what Patroclus could only call frenzied,“This will be the greatest war of our people, remember in legend and song for legends. You are a fool not to see it.Vaguely he wondered what Odysseus had promised him to have him so blindly devoted to this cause.Achilles laughed ever so coldly, “All I see is a cuckolded husband and Agamemnon’s greed for the riches of Troy.”“Then you are blind. What is more heroic than to fight for the honor of the most beautiful woman in the world, against the mightiest city of the East? Perseus cannot say he did so much, nor Jason. Heracles would kill his wife again for a chance to come along. We will master Anatolia Odysseus We will carve ourselves into stories for ages to come.”Subtly Achilles cast his eyes to him, he felt his cheeks flush. Him. He was more important than Helen of Troy. Even if Achilles denied them he wouldn’t let them belittle or smear his name.
He was going to love him through the ages.Wait a moment.“I thought you said it would be an easy campaign, home by next fall,” Patroclus managed to get out. He had to do something to stop the relentless roll of their words.“I lied.” Odysseus shrugged. “I have no idea how long it will be. Faster if we have you.” He looked at Achilles. His dark gray eyes pulled like the tide, however you swam against it. “The sons of Troy are known for their skill in battle, and their deaths will lift your name to the heavens. If you miss this chance, you will miss your chance at immortality.”He paused at that before realizing nothing of his words could be trusted based on what he had told Patroclus about it being a short campaign. Achilles decided to test him.“You can’t possibly know that.”Something gleamed in Odysseus’ eyes, “Actually I can.” He leaned back in his chair, “ I am fortunate enough to have some knowledge of the Gods.” His smile was mischievous as if he was privy to a joke, “and the Gods have deemed it important that I share with you what is foretold.”
Patroclus was all too aware of the trouble with Gods and prophecy could bring. The very word was a cataclysm for Achilles. Damn you to Tartarus Odysseus. It was no small wonder he was called polutropos, the man of many turnings.“Oh and pray tell what does this prophecy say about me?”“What prophecy?” Achilles asked, slowly. No, no-no. Achilles please don’t be taken in by his words.“That if you do not come to Troy, your godhead will wither in you, unused. Your strength will diminish. At best, you will be like Lycomedes here, moldering on a forgotten island with only daughters to succeed him. Scyros will be conquered soon by a nearby state; you know this as well as I. They will not kill him; why should they? He can live out his years in some corner eating the bread they soften for him, senile and alone. When he dies, people will say, who ?”
Those words filled the room, thinning the air until one could not breathe. Such a life was a horror.But Odysseus’ voice was relentless. “He is known now only as an eternal legend just for having passed a cup to you. You will be—”A burst of wind slammed the door open with such a force that some of the hinges had broken off with splinters flying everywhere.Thetis.Patroclus was almost glad to see her except that her aura was more murderous than usual. Her divinity burning at his eyes and filling his blood with the feeling of ice.Odysseus was nonplussed even with splinters in his beard, “Greetings Thetis.” Her dark eyes fixed themselves on her ready to tear him apart without mercy before she paused as if examining him.Odysseus said apologetically as he inclined his head, “The gray-eyed maiden had been kind to me. She knows why I am and has blessed me accordingly.”Patroclus held his breath, of course, now it all made sense why Odysseus felt no fear in the face of Thetis’s fury. Why he had found them in the first place, the Gods too were invested in this game. He had the gray-eyed maiden- the goddess of war and wisdom, Athena.“Athena has no child to lose in this war,” Thetis said. Patroclus swore that one could taste the grief from her words.Odysseus did not answer her, instead he turned to Achilles, “Ask her.” he said, “Ask your mother what she knows.”Achilles swallowed, surely the whole room could hear it, “Is this true mother?” He met his mother’s bottomless black eyes, she said nothing.“Is it true!” He asked much louder this time.Her white fists were clenched tight, but she met her son’s gaze steady, “ It is true. But there is more, more that he has not said.” The words came out emotionless as if she was a speaking statute, “If you go to Troy, you will never return. You will die a young man there.”He felt the blood drain from his face, “Are you certain?” All his life he had been told that he was near-immortal and that things that affected others would not come to pass for him. His death, the thought of it was shocking, almost frightening. Yet the cost of gaining glory and permanent immortality tempted his heart. Achilles dared not glance at Patroclus, keeping his focus solely on his mother.“It is certain.” He mulled her answer over if his mother had said it then it was true, she told no lies especially when it came to his fate.“What should I do then?” His mother pursed her lips, before turning from him.“Do you as you wish. I have no say in this matter.” Achilles watched as she disappeared. His mind at war.Odysseus and Diomedes excused themselves, Patroclus and he were left alone. His love had not looked at him once and Achilles too was afraid of what his face may reveal.The soft click of the door seemed to bring them back from themselves. Patroclus turned facing Achilles who was pale and drawn as if the world weighed heavily upon him.
His fingertips grazed his cheeks, all while grief choked his heart.Achilles’ death. Crimson pooling around his golden mane like a halo, just like that boy. Death, his Achilles dead.
“You must not go,” he wanted to scream with all his might. Odysseus and Diomedes were not to be trusted. This war had nothing to do with them, they could go…. where could they go? Where could they hide? Everywhere they went the Gods were determined to make use of his love. Make him live out the title they had so graciously granted him.
Aristos Achaion
Silence fell heavily around them until Achilles broke it, “I do not think I could bear it.” His emerald eyes closed as if opening them would make the horrors real.“To live like that…'' To live as a mortal, Patroclus’ heavy heart already knew how his lover would choose. Odysseus,’ words had already seeped like a poison into his blood. No matter what he said now, it would have little effect, yet he endeavored to try.“I would not care, I would be with you. Achilles even like so, I would never leave you.” Patroclus clutched some hope that perhaps his words could penetrate his heart, “Whatever you chose. Whatever you become. It would not matter. We would be together.” he was babbling now.
Desperate to show him that he did not need fame or glory for him to love him. Patroclus was more than happy to grow old and gray with him if it meant that he would live.Achilles turned his head slightly, “I know.”He knew but it was enough, he wasn’t satisfied. Achilles wanted more from life than just being with him. He wanted to put his strength to use, to have all people far and wide know of him and his name. To be a God. Patroclus who loved him more than anything wanted to understand, but there was no way from him to understand. His entire life he had been groomed, told that he was better than all. To simply let all of it go to waste, all that he had endured. His mother’s frigid affections and harsh training. Everything, to let his body grow old and slow to have his ichor rot in his body. The thought both frightened and sickened him. If he gambled correctly then he could have Patroclus at his side too. Immortality and Patroclus, yes that was his goal. He did not wish to choose, why choose if he would have both. I’m sorry that I’m never satisfied. I’m sorry for the grief I cause you. But by the Gods old and new I swear I will make it worth your suffering. Gently he came to cup his Patroclus’ face, for a moment they held each other. Achilles took a moment to examine him before he breathed out, “I will go.”“Go where?” Patroclus already knew where.“Troy.” Nuzzling further in his hands hoped….
No please Achilles. Don’t it means your death. Please, my love. Stay here with me. Choose your life.
Patroclus took in the sudden change in Achilles’ demeanor; this decision had not come lightly.His Achilles whose summer eyes burned with a fever and his lips who gleamed a healthy pink. There was not a line of doubt in his lover’s face, nothing greyed or creasing. Patroclus wouldn’t have cared if there was. Achilles right now was spring, vitality. Death could only watch with envy as he died and was renewed once more by the coolness of death.Achilles met his eyes, filled with both longing and a hint of sorrow, “Will you come with me?”Patroclus would never refuse him because there was nowhere he would rather be than at his side. Perhaps in another life, he would have cursed him for his selfish ways and damned him to go to Troy alone, but in doing so would break his own heart. He was sailing with him because even in death at least they would be together.“Yes.” he whispered, “Yes.” AlwaysRelief stretched over his face, as he reached for him. Their foreheads resting against each other. They held each other between their bodies and there was no indicator of where each of them began or ended. Tears were shed as moonlight crept into their room.Kisses that started out as seeking comfort and chaste delved into more desperate and breath-stealing ones.Achilles made love to him that night with the uttermost care, unspoken words were marked into his very skin.
I love you
I’m sorry
Thank you
Forgive me
I love you
Thank you
Patroclus, I love you.
Forgive me for being selfish.

_______________________________________________________________
Taking a deep breath, Achilles let his mind go, all while his hand drew softly through Patroclus’ damp curls. Part of him was still so filled with grief the other furious at being led by such a cheap trick.Threatening him with exposing his cross-dressing or the supposed “withering of his godhead”. A crafty snake Odysseus was in time Achilles would make him come to regret his decision to find him. He was going to Troy for a multitude of reasons none of which were obedience or fear.
He would seek more counsel from his mother in the morning. For now, he was content to guard his beloved’s sleep.______________________________________________________________Dawn came too quickly for them both, they both were sleepless and worried. Patroclus wanted nothing more than to gather Achilles into his arms and keep him there, but his lover insisted on going to see his mother.Achilles said nothing as he draped a tunic over his body, he had not even put on shoes. Rushing, he was rushing towards his death. Patroclus tried to go back to sleep, put his mind at ease yet the silence of the room and the coldness of the bed gnawed at him, at his very soul. If Achilles left him this is the torment he would face on the daily. Alone with nothing but his thoughts and regrets.No, he was not going to simply let this happen. He too rushed out of bed eager to get out the palace and to… his feet carried him to the beach and then further carried him to the cliff overlooking the sea. Here he watched the waves crash upon the jagged shore taking a deep breath bellowed one word. An insane idea came to him, he climbed to the very top cutting both his hands and feet. When he reached it.“Thetis!” He screamed it and screamed it until….his throat was hoarse. The sun was high in the sky now, Achilles should long be done with his meeting with his mother.Patroclus readied himself to draw on the last of his reserves to scream again when he felt that familiar presence.“Don’t speak my name again, mortal.” Patroclus whipped around to face her in that quick motion he nearly fell but he caught himself in time. Yet pain still radiated in his feet, he had reopened his early wounds. Patroclus glanced upwards.Her lips were drawn back, to show her teeth. “You are a fool,” she said. “Get down. Your halfwit death will not save him.”Patroclus found himself flinching from the malice in her face. But he forced himself to speak, to ask the thing that he so desperately needed to know. “How much longer will he live?”She made a noise in her throat, like the bark of a seal. It took him a moment to understand that it was laughter. “Why? Would you prepare yourself for it? Try to stop it?” Contempt spilled across her face.“Yes,” he answered. “If I can.” She laughed again.“Please.” He knelt, Patroclus would humbly himself a million times over for Achilles’ sake. “Please tell me.” Perhaps it was because he knelt.She stopped and considered him a moment. “Hector’s death will be first,” she said. “This is all I am given to know.”
Hector
“Thank you,” he said.Her eyes narrowed, and her voice hissed like water poured on coals. “Do not presume to thank me. I have come for another reason.” He waited. Her face was white as a splintered bone.
“It will not be as easy as he thinks. The Fates promise fame,” her eyes flickered over his long arms and skinny knees. Recalling how close he had come to ruining Achilles with a swollen belly. Witless whore.“You will not disgrace him. Do you understand?”
Do you understand?
“Yes,” he said. And he did already his name was stained, Achilles did not need his too dragged through the mud. His fame must be worth the life he paid for it. The faintest breath of air touched her dress’s hem, and he knew she was about to leave, to vanish back to the caves of the sea.
Something made him bold, to ask more of her. “Is Hector a skilled soldier?” ““He is the best,” she answered. “But for my son.” Her gaze flickered to the right of the jagged path, “He is coming, get up mortal.”Then she vanished just as he knew she would. And just as she had said Achilles came up the path. Sunny and fair-haired his Achilles.Patroclus stood slowly feeling strangely disoriented, the afternoon had melted into sunset. It could not be like so. Achilles was going to die and the first step was Hector’s death. If he could avoid having him take that path then could he save him? He had failed to save their baby but he was not going to lose Achilles this time.Radiance from the setting sun gave Patroclus’ skin a luminous effect. Leaving him unbelievably beautiful, if not for the tears streaking his face."Patroclus," he said venturing closer to him on the rocky cliff, "what's the matter?"Patroclus parted his lips to speak, but what comes out instead is a sob. Achilles gently drew him from the edge. Patroclus stumbled and that's when Achilles noticed the bloody footprints left on the edge."You're injured. What happened?" Patroclus said nothing save for grabbing his arm for stability."Patroclus what happened? What’s hurting you, please tell me. You tell me nothing anymore."
Patroclus sighed, still attempting to walk. Achilles huffed and scooped him up in his arms for once he didn't argue with him about codling.“Patroclus,” he said once more. Patroclus only buried his head further into his neck.“You promised,” he said, his voice hoarse.Achilles sighed, setting him down to tend to his feet, ripping the bottom of his chiton to make bandages. Patroclus drew away from him as he came closer. Growing frustrated, he grabbed his ankle holding him in place, wrapping the wounds.“That you would never leave me,” he said, lifting his head. Gods above his heart hurt at the sight. He appeared so sad, so tired.“And I never will.”He made a motion to reach for him to carry him, but Patroclus drew away from him. After that nothing further was said between them, as they made their way down the beach.Achilles would give him whatever he desired. He would yank out his very heart and present it to him if he desired it.“How can I ease your agony?” was his quiet plea.“What would you do if I asked you to do something selfish?,” Patroclus questioned.Achilles cupped his face, “If it eased your grief, I would do it,” he breathed. Patroclus closed his eyes and leaned against him. His mind raced with a million questions, none that he wished to voice.“No, what I wish to ask you is selfish. I can not.” Tears came faster than he wanted, fisting Achilles’ tunic.“I can't ask this of him. This is everything he has worked for. His whole destiny,” he thought.“I care not, tell me.” Patroclus shook his head before yanking himself from him.Achilles caught his wrist before he could turn completely away from him.“No, no, no I will not. I can not,” he thought.“Please Achilles, let it be,” frantically trying to pull himself away from him.“ Patroclus, if it makes you unhappy tell me, I hate to see you so upset. It tears at my very heart. When you are upset I feel it tenfold,” Patroclus wiggled his wrist further away from him. Achilles loosened his grip, not wanting to hurt him with his strength.His lover just looked so heartbroken. That darkness that had held over them before they left Mount Pelion had tripled, Achilles saw the weight of it on his shoulders. In the line of his brow, at the tightness of his lips, from the dark bags that hung from his eyes.“What hurts you, tell me? Please Patroclus, I would do anything to see you at peace again. I was put here to make you joyful, to make you smile, to love you,” he drew his thumb lightly over his pretty cheekbone wiping away his tears until it rested at his full bottom lip. This brought a small smile to his lover’s face.“And I love you madly. From the moment I met you, I knew you were destined to be mine. For we were destined for each other. My lovely Patroclus,” Achilles finished near a whisper. His attention was solely devoted to showing him how he loved him. To worship him.As he broke away from him, their foreheads rested against each other.“ Achilles, if I asked would you forsake your destiny and your quest for godhood? Would you?” he breathed into the space between him. Achilles’ breath caught.“If..,” he started, before he had a chance to finish that thought.“ I would never ask that of you because I know you can not,” his lover finished.“I'm selfish, I know but I can not bear to see you hurt or killed. I know of the prophecy, you will die in Troy if you go. I would plead with you not to go, but it wouldn't be of no use. The Fates have deemed it so, you must go.”Achilles held him close, “She told you of the rest of the prophecy.” Patroclus sighed in his arms.
“ She did after I begged her, hence my torn and bloody feet,” he gestured to his feet which Achilles had lovingly wrapped and bandaged for him.“What did she say?” he asked him. Achilles already knew what she had told him. How he would have a choice, and how he had chosen Troy.“Killing Hector will be the first. His death will lead to your own, so you must leave him be.” This he hadn't heard yet. Why had his mother hidden this from him? Of course, she would, after all, she schemed to try and prevent his prophecy until she deemed him ready.“Will you come with me?” he asked again because he was selfish. He knew how Patroclus felt about killing and battlefields. To his great surprise, his lover nodded.“Always, my Achilles, I would follow you into death,” he vowed with such conviction, Achilles felt all of his love and devotion.Death, he didn’t like the sound of that, his own death would be temporarily like Hercules’. Immortality is his reward. Achilles couldn't see him hurt again, he changed his mind and he wanted-no needed him to stay here. Perhaps, he could see him again.“ I have decided that you must stay behind. I can not have you following me into death and other danger,” he declared, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. Patroclus instead of growing upset snorted at him.“I must, you'll do something foolish otherwise,” he whispered in mock weariness.“Never,” the look his lover sent him made him want to laugh. He wasn't so childish, this was war, not a game.Patroclus laughed,“ You're reckless my love. You hate to be told anything.”“Except for when you tell me. I'll always do what you ask of me,” he cut in laughing.“True,” his dark eyes gleamed mysteriously in the glow of the dying Sun.“Then promise me this, my Achilles. Promise me you when you get to Troy, you will not kill for pleasure, but your purpose. Only.” Achilles started to say something, but he interweaved their fingers together.“ Let me finish my love. And promise me that you will not kill Hector. This I need you to swear to me most of all,” when Patroclus finished, he found his lover smirking.“ You would have me go against the Fates, and delay it,” Achilles whispered. He loved defiance, and none was so sweet as going against the Fates and Gods. The more he delayed his mother's plot to make him immortal. The more time he would have with his Patroclus. His lover seems lighter, already.Patroclus returned his smirk with one of his own.“ I would.”“ I swear to leave him be if it pleases you. After all, what has Hector ever done to me?” he asked, leaning down to kiss him once more. Patroclus wrapped his lithe arms around his neck more firmly.“Nothing,” he breathed.“Nothing,” Achilles agreed._________________________________________________________They packed their things that same evening there was little time to continue delaying the inevitable. Achilles and he both were weary of Skyros, and as customs deemed it appropriate Lycomedes bid them farewell. Odysseus and Diomedes secure in their victory had gone ahead onto the ship, they would escort them to Pthtia were Achilles would muster his own troops.
Right before they boarded the ship, there was only one thing left for Achilles to do. Something he had wished not to do, but was not left with much of a choice.“King Lycomedes, my mother has asked me to convey her wishes to you in regards to...” Lycomedes’ face trembled ever so slightly, but he met Achilles’ gaze evenly.“It is about the child isn’t it?” Achilles nodded.“It is.”“And what does she wish?” the kings asked tiredly.“She wished to express her desire to raise the child herself-..” Achilles faltered, “after he has been weaned. The child is to be a boy.”Patroclus longed for nothing more than to persuade him to take that child, lead him from a childhood of cruelty and neglect but there was little use. Thetis had made her will known, there would be no going back.Lycomedes’ expression tightened, but he said nothing further. No doubt his mind was on the pitiful fate of his daughter who had no husband and now no child to claim. How could she claim him now after the stunt that had happened before the court?“I wish you had never come,” he said.“I’m sorry.” Achilles said. He truly was, he heard it in his voice.“Leave me.” After that awkward goodbye, Achilles wrapped his arms around his waist, leading him up the plank. As the ship withdrew from the port, the lighter his heartfelt, and no doubt it was the same for Achilles. Yet he was filled with anticipation for what the future held for them._________________________________________________________________________Patroclus wondered already the deck of the ship taking in the efficiency of the crew. The ship itself was constructed of yare and moved with a swiftness through the water. Curiously what had caught his attention was the prow piece, it was one of the finest he had ever seen. A beautiful woman, tall with dark eyes and hair which was pulled up to show off her dainty and slender neck. Her hands were clasped over her waist in quiet contemplation. She was beautiful and painted so loving it was as if she would jump off and walk.“My wife.” Patroclus was started by Odysseus coming behind them leaning into the rails.“It’s my wife you’re admiring.” He clarified. “ She refused to even let the artist draw for it. I had to secretly have the artist follow here. I think it turned out rather well.” A marriage for love that was as rare as cedars from the East. It almost made him want to like him yet he had seen all of his smiles.Achilles politely asked her name thinking that Patroclus would make a rather pretty prow himself. If he would let him, unfortunately, he would have to resort to Odysseus’ trickery to even get the pose for one.Odysseus smiled again, perhaps one of his most genuine ones.“Penelope.”Hmm, he was beginning to understand why Diomedes had grown tired of his stores. The man could go on and on forever about his wife if given the chance. So he directed his focus to other things.“Is this a new ship?” If Odysseus wanted to talk about his wife he could do it at another time.“Only the best timber in Ithaca.” He slapped the railing with his large palm like the flank of a fine horse.“Bragging about your ship again,” Diomedes too had joined them at the railing. His hair was now pulled back by a strip of leather which made his face and eyes even sharper.“I am.”Diomedes spat into the water below.“The king of Argos is unduly eloquent today,” Odysseus commented.Patroclus observed their game, Achilles had not noticed the game between them. Therefore, he was watching them with keen interest. His eyes going back and forth between them, his curiosity had peaked. A small smile building at his lips.“Tell me,” Odysseus started again, “Do you think your quick wit comes from the fact that your father ate that man’s brains.”“What?” they both exclaimed, surprised.Odysseus looked at them bemused like they were small children, greenhorns.“You don’t know the tale of the Mighty Tydeus, king of Argos, eater of brains.”
He had vaguely heard about him and wondered if that was the reason he had been betrayed and killed by his own nobles. So that his son had to avenge him. Hmm, Patroclus didn’t care enough to ask yet Diomedes chimed in now.“Ah yes, I had been wanting to have the scene painted on the plates in Argos. So that all who dine there can view it.”Their casual cruelty was appalling and yet Achilles was drinking it all in, their fantastical stories and lies. Diomedes in Lycomedes’ hall had given off the impression that he was Odysseus’ subordinate now one could see they were equals. His previous lecherous and lazy air had left and in its place sharp eyes and a bold wit. Patroclus should have known when he heard his name, that he had not gained his kingship on inheritance alone but through blood. It was no wonder that Athena had taken to granting her favor to him as well.Odysseus made a face, “Remind me not to dine in Argos anytime soon.” There would be none of that for a while as ar was on the horizon.Patroclus let the two lead the conversation while Achilles listened to them with rapt attention. He found himself watching the emerging twinkling stars above. Ever so often glancing at his lover.
___________________________________________________
Achilles let his smiles convey his interest in the truth; he had done more impressive things in his childhood. Nonetheless, let them feel a sense of security before he repaid them for their trick. Oh, how they would regret finding him. Patroclus gave him a look ever so often before his face wiped the expression away. Achilles wanted nothing more than to reassure him that he was not being taken in by their stories that instead, he was biding his time. Finding out just what awaited them in Troy, what Agamemnon and Menelaus had up their sleeves for sieging Troy. And if they thought he was pledging allegiance to those blowhards, they had another thing coming. Achilles bowed to no one, Gods or men save for one. Patroclus.So for now he would play guileless and let them think he was a greenhorn. Interested in war and all its glories. Diomedes had left a little while ago to speak with the captain about finding an island to make camp. A storm was brewing on the horizon, Achilles could taste it.Patroclus had grown weary of being above deck and perhaps a little appalled by his behavior
went below deck. He longed nothing for than to join him, but unfortunately, he had to hear Odysseus droned and on about his scars and other mundane things. By the Gods, this man loved to hear the sound of his voice. Still nothing useful, nothing about Troy at all. Which was beginning to feel calculated at this point? So boring.No wonder Diomedes had taken his opening and left. If he had known, he would have left too. Praise the Gods. Diomedes had come back and he took his opening to go and meet Patroclus who was playing cards with some of the crew members. His lover always had a way of making strangers into friends. Yet, when he made a motion to get up from the table, Achilles shook his head. Patroclus understood and resumed playing. He didn’t want to play but didn’t want him to miss out on his fun. What little was to be left these days.
______________________________“They’re so young,” Diomedes commented taking in the clouds gathering on the horizon.“As we were once, yet war came for us all the same,” Odysseus replied.“This feels almost like cruelty,” Diomedes recalled not being much older than those two when he gathered the men to avenge his father. Odysseus didn’t see it that way, they were the key to winning the war, more especially Achilles. They needed Achilles, no matter his age. He was fated to bring down Troy’s walls.“I rather we have the side of winning that to have to taste the fall of defeat. This war must not drag out, I have to get back to my wife and son.” There would always be sacrifices made in war, this was a war that was being enacted by the Gods themselves. Mortal men had no say only to stand where they’re directed.Athena, as benevolent, as she was, had grown frustrated with him to the point of threatening to strip him of his wits should he fall to find the boy king. Thetis’ downfall was her arrogance, she had thought herself so clever hiding with him, women. Until a nymph blabbed that Achilles had impregnated a princess and she had taken her into hiding. Ha- the boy wouldn’t know a woman even if it was true by the way he so casually touched his male companion. The boy’s dark skin couldn’t conceal the marks against his neck. From the looks of it, Achilles wasn’t gentle in the least.Diomedes pushed himself back from the railing, arms coming across his chest, “ We’ll be landing soon. Should I start making preparations for camp?”“Do as you wish?” Odysseus told him, still lost in his thoughts.If Patroclus was Achilles’ lover such knowledge would prove to be useful in the future.________________________________________________________________In the end, he played one game with the crew before they stepped into the sand of the island.His lover asked, “It was fun, wasn’t it?” an easy smile playing at his lips.“Hm,” his hand was itching to wrap itself around Patroclus back, drawing him close. So he settled for intertwining their fingers loosely.“It was. We haven’t played like that in a while.”In all of his memories from childhood, Achilles didn’t remember him and Patroclus playing with others. The concept was foreign to him. His foster-brothers had tended to give him a wide berth because of his mother and his demigod status demonstrated itself as he wasn’t the friendliest child growing up. His brattiness had actually gotten worse when Patroclus had come, he hadn’t wanted to share him with anyone. But Patroclus had seemed so at ease and cheerful, he hadn’t wanted to make a scene due to jealousy. A game of cards was nothing to get worked up over, especially if his lover was having fun.“Achilles,” Patroclus whispered, sharply tugging his hand from his. Achilles found the reason why shortly. Odysseus had been watching them, with a glint in his eyes. Heat crawled at his spine at the thought of him daring to judge him, them. More than anything hurt settled in his chest, at how quickly Patroclus had let go of him. How quickly he was willing to cast away their relationship in public.He resisted the urge to bare his teeth at him and instead smiled as the older man led them to their campsite.Arriving at their campsite, there was a tent and only one roll. Patroclus bit at his lip as if to say something however, Odysseus beat him to it.“One tent is enough, I hope?”What kind of game was he playing? Of course, it was fine, or was it? From Patroclus’ face, he appeared to be in deep thought. Achilles wanted nothing more than to tell him it was fine, these were perfectly fine accommodations for a prince. They meant him no disrespect after all in their eyes he was a young prince “in need of guidance”. Ha.Until Odysseus took it too far, “ I heard you prefer to share. Rooms and bedrolls, both they say?”
Achilles actually needed a moment to overcome his shock at Odysseus’ bold insinuations about their relationship. Frankly, it wasn’t any of his business if it was true.Patroclus on the other hand took his silence as a means to continue, “That it’s not true.”What?It was true, anyone with eyes could see Patroclus was his lover. Based on their closeness and the marks peeking from his chiton.“Truth is subjective,” Odysseus said eyes trailing over Patroclus, no doubt his mind on the same track, “yet many men believe this about you two to be true.” The question was who was everyone? If he meant Pthtia then no one cared, his home country was known for its unfetteredness when it came to certain customs. He was their prince; they wouldn’t dare to speak of the son that had been raised lovingly on its soil.“Come now there is no shame in it. Boys your age take a lover or two.” Odysseus scratched at his beard, “Yet you both do not look as if you are boys. How old are you?”Now his line of questioning felt mocking.Achilles didn’t answer him, nor did Patroclus. Odysseus found that he had pinched a nerve and drew back slightly.“Perhaps, they are mistaken. It is best to leave such rumors behind as we sail for war.” Fat chance of that happening. Oh now he saw, it was a test. A test in which he was miserably falling.
And if they weren’t boys, what did it matter? Patroclus had his whole heart and he his. What others thought of their relationship mattered little.“It is no business of yours, Prince of Ithaca.” Achilles kept his voice controlled but his tone must have been hostile for Patroclus flinched next to him.A soft smirk came to the older man’s face before, he replaced it with a sheepish grin. Oh so now he wanted to play “harmless and that I was only giving advice” card.Hands even held up as a gesture of peace, “My apologies if I have offended you both. I merely came to wish you both a good night and that you found your accommodation satisfactory.”Bull fucking shit, he had come to leech whatever information he could. Achilles was beginning to realize the man knew more than he let on. Infuriating, to say the least.By the time his blood cooled, he realized Odysseus had retired to his tent. Somehow he had gone to their tent, with Patroclus at his side. Until he moved away from him.What was he doing? Achilles watched as he gathered some blankets from the bedroll and gathered them onto the floor a good distance away from him.Achilles sucked at his teeth, before lightly running his tongue over his teeth. So Patroclus wasn’t his lover, was he? Or at least he wanted others to think so.Fuck them.Patroclus kept his back turned to him, trying to cocoon himself in that ridiculous blanket from him and his warm embrace.Stubborn.As if he gave a damn what they think, what they did in his tent or anywhere else was none of their fucking business.“Patroclus come here, and for the Gods’ sake stop being ridiculous.” The fabric cocoon moved and dark eyes met his.“Achilles.” He said softly biting his lip making then even rosier and plump. Gods that was attractive, teasing him, “I can’t.” Oh, his love was in so much trouble.Achilles stretched out his arm anyway, “Enough of that, come here.” impatient now, “No one is here to witness what we do, and if they were it wouldn’t matter.” It shouldn’t matter, they had gotten what they wanted.However, they just weren’t satisfied they wanted him to forsake everything for fame. Achilles refused to do so. Patroclus shuffled the blankets and came to obediently sit at the edge of the bedroll. It wasn’t enough. Achilles wanted to nestle in his arms, right where he belonged. Their breaths and hearts in sync. Bodies flush together, he held him close, “I have given up and done everything they have asked, but I won’t give up this. I won’t give up on us.”“So please don’t give up on us either.” He begged, kissing his knuckles.“Achilles- I”He didn’t want to hear it, “I don’t care what they think. I never will because I have you. Nothing is more important to me than you. Tell me you know that.”“Of course, I know that.” His words were soft, but Achilles heard the hesitation in them.“Then let me love you. Without cause or shame. Because I love you. Say you love me too?” His heart had taken a slight blow at Patroclus’ blatant denial of their relationship, he wan-no needed to hear this.“I love you, Achilles. I just don’t want to be the reason they try to shame you. I’m not-”Achilles dragged his thumb against his lips to stop him from saying any more, “Yes you are worth it, know that you are. I would rather have you than have fame. As I have told you before I don’t care what they think or say. I love you, Patroclus. Only you. Nothing or no one else will ever compare to you.”Gently he replaced his thumb with his lips. Patroclus needed no further coaxing, his fingers already tangling around his nape.“I love you.” his lover whispered and this time Achilles felt no hesitation. He wouldn’t hesitate either._________________________________________
Pain built up behind his eyes and for a moment it took him a moment to remember. Right they were going home, from home to Troy. Stretching a bit he found his body sore, hips, and back aching. Brushing his fingers down his side, recalled the strength of Achilles’ grip. Recalled the way he had cried his name.Oh, Gods that had been the last thing he wanted after Odysseus’ probing. Even less after Thetis’ warning. What if- a warm arm reached out and pulled him right back into bed“Nope, whatever you are thinking. Put it out of your mind and go back to sleep,” his voice muffled by the sheets. Patroclus found himself snickering a bit.“Alright, but if we are late for settling sail, I’m blaming you.” Oh, how Odysseus would love that.“That’s fine, I know some dolphins... we…” he mumbled some more nonsense. Just like that Achilles was dead to the world again. Patroclus brushed his finger against his temple slightly. Nothing, not even a flinch, not even a herd of elephants would wake him. Ha-his Achilles even half-asleep let him know of his love. Settling against his steady chest, Patroclus too went to sleep.
_______________________Something warm and wet was against his neck. Patroclus crackled his eyes open faintly, seeing only a field of blond. Achilles. Only he was so bold in the morning.“Wake up, Patroclus.”“Mm, I’m tired and it’s your fault.”“How is it my fault?” he breathed still bundled against him“You made me oversleep.” Achilles snorted, sitting him up.“That was a personal choice, not my fault.”Patroclus stuck his tongue out at him, “Hmph, it was a personal choice because you kept me up all night and dragged me back into bed half asleep.”Achilles leaned his forehead against his, he teased, “Yet you didn’t complain until now?”“I had no reason to complain then,” he sounded almost haughty. Spoiled, wasn’t he.“Come here,” Letting his hand cup his cheek, thumb brushing across his lips. Gods, Patroclus was beautiful in the morning, with the light hitting all his freckled cheeks perfectly.“You’re so beautiful, it drives me crazy sometimes..” Achilles admitted softly, “Gods know you do.”
His lover’s brown eyes widened a moment before a dusty blush fell across his cheeks. Stunning.“Achilles..” Patroclus covered his hand over his. Refusal on his lips.“Don’t refuse it, you’re so beautiful and I want you to know it.”Achilles took his hand kissing ever so lightly over the knuckles, “That I love you.”
Achilles would do anything for him. Anything
__________________________________A saltwater breeze dances against his face, at his side Patroclus was stuffing his face with a bun which he refused to share. No matter how he tried, to sneak a few bites directly from his lips only to be rebuffed coldly.So it was sufficient to say he was in a bad mood and to make it worse had to play his innocent greenhorn act. Pah-he had long been made aware of the games of gods and mortals. Chiron and his mother had made sure he knew that in their eyes he was only a tool for winning wars. Yet if he played the game right, he would gain merit. Enough that he would be able to elevate and remove himself completely from the board. So for now he would play until the terms obediently when he gained enough..he brushed a wayward curl from Patroclus’ face.His love gave him another chastising look, again he gave no thought to their judgment. After all, he had made that quite clear to him last night, the only one in his eyes was him. Yes, Patroclus was a potential weakness, but if they even dared to think to use or hurt him. He would kill them. And personally, Achilles didn’t think they were brave enough to dare. Oh, they might try, but he would make their blood water the soil.“Prince of Ithaca,” he called Odysseus. Achilles was trying very hard not to show any more than what they needed to see. An easily manipulated boy who knew nothing of war. Yet yesterday he had gained nothing of importance, just usually chatter. For now, he would put away the act and put in place his court face.Odysseus turned to face him, grey eyes shifting, they were always shifting he noticed. Not with his mood but his thoughts.“I wish to know more about the men in which I am to be fighting.” Just for a moment, he let a boyishness peek through, enough to get his defenses down, “ and the princes in which I will have to kill.”Odysseus stroked at his beard a moment, before sagely nodding, “Very wise. Prince of Pthtia.”
Leading him and Patroclus both to a bench under the mast. Achilles cursed his eagerness to discard his mask, but he needed to know how to deal with the politics of war. Which weren’t so different from the court in which he was raised. Besides he was mainly interested in the man who called himself, “Lord of Men.” if it was a title he lived up to.“Where to begin,” Odysseus rubbed at his scar, Achilles wished he would stop stalling. All the man seemed to do was chatter endlessly about his wife.“There is Menelaus, the man whose wife we are going to war for. After Helen chose him” Odysseus glanced at Patroclus briefly, “Patroclus can tell you about that- he became the king of Sparta. He is known to be a good man..”Achilles contained a sneer, ah yes the cuckold. Useless. What else?

Odysseus continued to rattle off names, a few interested him. A few were from his father’s time and by the look on Patroclus’ face, he knew more about some of them than Odysseus did.“And what of the Trojans,” he said in this airy way but finally he was getting somewhere.“Praim of course, the King of Troy.” Achilles watched Patroclus’ dark eyes gleam again.“The man is said to have raised fifty sons, each raised with a sword in their hands.”
Fifty? By the Gods. Then again one of his father’s vassals had a carrier that had borne him twelve children.Odysseus took in his quiet surprise, “And fifty daughters. He is known to be pious to the Gods and they have rewarded him justly. His sons too are greatly favored- Paris is said to be a favorite of Aphrodite and noted for his beauty. ” Doubtful. Patroclus was surely the most beautiful. None would ever compare.Patroclus was so beautiful...Oh, Odysseus was still talking, that was rather rude of him. Long-winded.... fucker.“Even the youngest….. cousin is a….. Aphrodite.” Again more useless information.“What about Hector?” he probed, eyes never leaving grey ones.Patroclus gave him a look of pure panic. As his father always said it was better to know of one’s enemy in hopes of defeating them.“Priam’s oldest son and successor of his throne. A favorite of Apollo.” Achilles nearly hissed remembering what he had promised the Sun God in exchange forPatroclus’ life. A sacrifice for every day of his life. Thank small mercies that his mother still was unaware of.“What does he look like?”Odysseus’ lips tilted up before it fell, “ He is rather large, but they say that for all heroes. I suppose you shall know him when you see him for you will see him before I do.” Achilles raised an eyebrow.“Why do you say that?” Odysseus’ grey eyes widened as if he had slipped up. It had been no mistake; it felt too calculated.“As I’m sure Diomedes will agree, I have my wits about me but I’m no great soldier. If I were to meet Hector, I would not live to bring back news of him. You on the other hand are different. You will win great fame from his death.”Ah, there it was. Now Achilles saw why they needed him. Why they had fought so hard to get him on their side. Hector was the protector of Troy if he fell, then with it Troy. Unfortunately for them, he had no rhyme or reason to kill him. Achilles had made a vow.“Perhaps I would, if I had a reason too, but for now I see no reason to.” He said coldly.
Odysseus only chuckled, as if he had told a joke. “If men only killed men who had offended them, then there would be no wars at all. Young Pelides. Then perhaps I would be Aristos Achaion instead of you.”Achilles found his words mocking and ridiculous. He turned to watch the setting Sun. Still…
“You have told me nothing of Agamemnon.” Ah yes, the man who was dragging him off for greed and ambition. How forgetful of him.Odysseus took his barbed curiosity in hand, “Yes our mighty king form Mycenae.” Oh now he was mighty, Gods did his titles ever stop?“Proud son of the house of Atreus. His great-grandfather Tantalus was a son of Zeus.” Hmm, a demigod bloodline. Interesting…
Achilles had to give it to him the man knew how to weave a story. By the time he and Patroclus realized it the stars had come out. And it was time again for another stop, only in their tent he realized he learned nothing about Agamenon himself. Tricky Odysseus.
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Patroclus felt his tension ease the moment they laid side by side. Achilles was content to brush his fingers through his unruly curls, and when he caught that one curl.Achilles toyed with his letting it wrap around his finger, “Have I ever told you how much I like this curl, I love how it never lies flat here. Have I ever told you how much I like it?” he breathed as his finger tugged then released it letting it snap back into place.“I don’t think so,” Patroclus squeaked out. So it seemed he was in a particular mood today, teasing him until he was breathless.
His breath teased at his pulse, “What about here?”“No.” His breath came shakier and shakier each time.“I like how it beats just for me…”All while Achilles began to trail downwards until his warm hands rested at his thighs.“Have I told you how…” His warm fingers already pushing the tunic up. Fuck Achilles.“N~,” His back arched unconsciously at his touch.“I haven’t have I, I’ll have to fix that.” His cat’s smile was on full display. His eyes fell close.As they laid side by side, both of them slicked in sweat, the hint of sex perfuming the air. Patroclus watched Achilles take deep breaths.
How much longer would be breath? How much longer would they be allowed together? Gods, he would rather kill himself than be without him. That was a promise.Lightly he kissed his damp brow.
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Stars fell above him and at the bow of the ship was a haunting yet strangely familiar melody. Wood creaking with each step, he found Achilles with his fingers strumming at the stings of a lyre. Where he had gotten it was mysterious, so he lurked in the shadows listening.“Patroclus~,” Achilles called without turning around, blond hair whipping in the slight breeze, “come here.”
Lightly he padded over to him, only for Achilles to pinch his cheek, “I wrote it for you.”As always Patroclus was stunned, already feeling blood flowing to his face. Achilles, Gods his heart would never be still with him.“Oh,” he replied so eloquently, Achilles grinned at him all the same. A moment later the words came to him, “It’s beautiful.”Achilles hummed, “Like you.” Fingers already curving around his face, which he readily embraced.“Achilles..” His lover shushed him and stars fell in his eyes. Patroclus felt his breath catch.“Don’t deny your beauty.” Softly their lips met, Patroclus tasted so sweet. Warm arms caged him against the railing, and slowly he forgot where he was.With just the vast openness of the sea and the moon and stars surrounding them it was easy. Achilles’ warmth pressed against him, heartbeat against heartbeat.Then Achilles lifted and sat him on the railing, fingers toying at the end of his tunic. In short, he was scandalized.“Achilles?!-”“There’s no one here.” As if that was making it any better, they were still on a ship with others. Anyone could come by, Gods forbid Odysseus or another caught them.“Achilles.” Be serious, please. I’m not worth this, I’ll only disgrace you. Achilles paid him no mind only continuing to stroking at his thighs.“I love it when you say my name, say it again. Won’t you?” Achilles breathed against his neck, hands moving to cradle his hips.Teeth teased at his pulse. Patroclus was so startled, he nearly fell into the water, but just in time Achilles caught him.“I only made a request and it startled you so badly.” Even if he could see it, he felt him pouting against him. Gods he could be so childish at times.Surely he wouldn’t dare, not here. The warm hand moving upward was, in fact, proof that he did dare.Oh how he was tempted, but no it wasn’t worth it. If anyone else, especially her, saw them like this… Gods he couldn’t even imagine the fallout.“Stop thinking so much.” Achilles huffed, leaning back, “I can hear your mind turning from here.”
Patroclus should be swooning from the way he seduced him under the stars. Then again what had he expected, Patroclus had refused to even kiss him or feed him half of his bun. He was still very cross about yesterday. Sure he had his own but it wasn’t the same thing, he wanted to taste it from his fingers or better still his lips.“Sorry,” Patroclus said.Achilles sighed, resting against the crux of his neck, “Don’t apologize, I should be the one apologizing.” He had taken it too far, but Gods all he wanted was Patroclus to know that he loves him and that he wasn’t going to be ashamed of them. Ever. Fate had brought them together and they stayed together. All they were going to have to accept that.“I was trying to seduce you,” he said this so bluntly. Patroclus flushed a little more.“Well, I was?” He said, sounding properly self-chastised.“But?”“You’re right, I have been a little out of control lately, it’s just.” Achilles breathed out a long and suffering sigh.“I have been obedient to them for so long, but I will not be obedient when it comes to giving you up. I won’t do it. I’ll never do it. I would rather die first.”Patroclus let his fingers tangled around his neck, “Don’t say such a thing. Don’t die for me.”Achilles gripped him tighter,“ It’s almost as if you want me to give you, but I won’t.”“I can’t.” No matter if he was threatened, he couldn’t either. Both of them were selfish, but that’s why they were so perfect together.“Then don’t.”“I won’t, Achilles I promise,” he swore clinging to his tunic.Patroclus hoped that he would be able to keep his promise. More than anything, because at times like these he remembered how fragile Achilles was.
___________________________________________________________
On their seventh day of sailing, and looking out at the blue sea Achilles had announced.“I’m bored.” and then very gracefully put one foot into the rails and… 
Splash
 Patroclus gapped down at him and Achilles sent up a small wave that just barely reached him.
He flinched back just a fraction. Achilles…“I’m fine. Patroclus,” he gestured to the dark water around him, “I was born of the sea. It knows me and I it.”Patroclus leaned against the railing watching him swim in the openness of the ocean. Mentally, he was preparing to get some rope just in case Thetis decided she wanted to drag him down.Achilles peered up to watch Patroclus who was cautiously watching him, there wasn’t any need to worry. Nothing was going to hurt him.He felt at peace here, he was going to ask him to join him when he felt a pulse at his ankle. Pulling.
Suddenly he no longer wanted to be in the water, something terrible had happened….

Blue filled his vision, there had been a school of fish then it all when black. Inky strands wrapped around him, pulling him to the surface.
“Mother!-”
Achilles thrashed a bit before remembering that he was safe and that nothing had happened. Yet the feeling of floating to the bottom won’t leave him, nor would cold hands carrying him.“Achilles?” Patroclus called to him, “Are you alright?”“I’m fine,” he said even if he truly wasn’t fine. His heart sounded much too loud in his ear, everything was too loud.Damn his recklessness.“Hold on!” Patroclus shouted at him before running off, no doubt to grab a rope.Once he was back on the deck, wrapped in Patroclus’ warm arms and a blanket. Thankfully the crew had been told by Odysseus to leave them be. So none paid them any mind.“Achilles?” his lover asked quietly, “what happened.” He wasn’t sure what had happened. One moment he was teasing Patroclus and the next freaking out.Why?“ I have no explanation, it felt as if something was dragging me down.”Patroclus was quiet a moment, “Was there something?” One moment had been waving and the next the fear in his face, then he went under for a minute.He thought for a moment, “No, it felt as if it was a memory not reality. But I have been able to swim since I was babe, it makes no sense. I can’t drown, it is impossible.”Patroclus threaded his fingers through his, “Nothing is impossible love. Nothing.” He knew this all too well, that nothing was impossible. Arrogance however led to such thinking that some things were impossible.“It is for me.” Achilles said this with such confidence because he had not experienced the fall from hubris. He was golden if abet naive.“Alright,” Patroclus said simply to soothe him. He was too shaken up to say otherwise, one always told lies when they needed to hear them most.“Achilles, call your mother.” He told him.“Why?” Achilles sat up from his embrace.“She may have the answers that you seek.”Achilles was silent for a moment, “I will, but I’m afraid she will not come. She is angry with me.”“She’ll come.” Patroclus was sure of it. Thetis would come because he recalled the way her eyes had flashed on the cliffs with such deep and profound sadness. Her only child was destined to die away from her in a distant land, she would go to him even if she was angry with him. Just as he would go with him, so she would come.His lover bit at his lips, before nodding, “Alright, I’ll call her.”“Good.”Even if he knew Achilles could swim, today had still frightened him. Yet his lover would not die by drowning but by sword.
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Achilles waited until they landed at the next island before he waded into the sea. It embraced him coolly as if apologizing for his earlier discomfort.“Mother.” Achilles called softly to the waves.Everything was still around him, but he knew she would answer especially like this. They were connected here.“I know you are never far from your lifeblood-our lifeblood.” He did not have to wait long before he felt her presence.Inky hair dancing around her, and her white dress was pristine with hints of gold-threaded throughout.“My son, why have you called me?” she asked.“You know why, I'm sure you know why.” His mother’s dark eyes bore into his, as her lips thinned.“Enlightenment me.” Honestly, her son asked as if she was omnipotent still, she could only see what was allowed of her if that. Zeus had limited her foresight, so now she could only make do with what she had heard through her network of spies or loose-lipped Gods.“I dreamt of drowning when I swam today.” That was not possible, her son could not drown. It was one of the many gifts her blood afforded him.“That isn’t possible.” To an extent, it was it did not venture from her blessings. It was why she did not have him worship other Gods, their blessings were fickle. He was her son, she would never withhold her favor for him regardless of her displeasure.“I know that.” Achilles replied.“The question is why, I felt as if I was even I wasn’t.” the darkness, the gleaming scales of the fish. 
The bubble-? The bubble popped-.
“But it isn’t possible.” That memory, he had been much too young to even recall it. A trap that had been set for her.“Take care here my son, these waters are not like our waters. Poseidon is king here, do not act reckless again.”Achilles bowed his head, “ I understand mother.”Her feet were already skimming the water when her son asked her one more thing.“Mother, did you ever put me in a bubble when I was younger?” The marine life that appeared to greet him from the bubble, the golden school of fish-

The inky rush of water and darkness.

She froze, so he had remembered it.“A few times, why?”

“Mother-Mother look!”

Her lips nearly formed a smile before she remembered herself.“Did it ever pop?” Not by her power.Thetis frowned, “No, my son I would never let my power wane as such.”He shook his head, “Of course, mother. I apologize for calling you here for such a trivial thing.”“It was no trivial thing, you had a question which only I had the answer to. But my son, are you sure this is the path you wish to take, there is still time?” She could hide him again this time somewhere not even light would reach, Leto still owed her favor. Oh, but those pesky twins of hers.“No mother, I must face what was destined for me. Otherwise, I’ll fade and wither. I rather die as I am than to rot.” Hm, he even still spoke like a true god. Then she would interfere no more, only guide as needed.“Very well,” she hesitated a moment before submerging herself in it completely. I’ll always be there for you, my son. Always.Her hair encased her as she sank to the bottom.I pray you forgive me for all my wrongdoings, Achilles. I only did what I thought was best.
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Going home felt like a lung full of fresh air, it had been so many months. Months of that deary little island. Months of pretending to be happy. They both reminisced about the safety of their home. Of their childhood and quietly they mourned for it.There would be no more roughhousing and eating berries. They were going to war, yet even so Achilles threaded his fingers through his as the port came into view. A crowd no doubt waiting for their prince.
Home.
“Patroclus, we’re home.” Achilles whispered at his ear.“Yes-.” he beamed at him.Their cries of his name reached here and they had not yet landed.
Aristos Achaion
Prince Achilles
Pthtia’s son
Son of Thetis.
Son of Peleus
Hands stretching toward him, ready to grasp him and bath him in praise. Achilles was destined to become a legend, this is what he had chosen. Over his life, over him, yet this is what he was meant for. He could only support him as he walked this path. Whatever it held they would transverse it together.“Achilles, we’re home.” Perhaps in his way, he had wanted to welcome him home. Keep a piece of him that belonged solely to him. Achilles took their entwined hands and kissed them.
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There was a sense of urgency that had spread throughout the entire castle- kingdom. The prince had returned, his blood brother had found him.Pthtia’s golden son had returned.On the steps of the palace, Peleus waited to embrace his son once more. Even more to verbally pass on his kingdom to his sole heir, with Patroclus at his side. Achilles would rule justly and if the Gods were just he would hold a rosy-cheeked grandchild by the end of the year.From the moment they had returned home, his prediction had been correct. What time he spent with Achilles was very much far and between. They ate meals with the king, bathed, and slept together but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t used to sharing Achilles, he was. Gods knew he was, but this felt entirely different. Patroclus felt as he was fighting the entire Pantheon, Thetis, Peleus, Phiniox, advisors, nobles, soldiers, and the citizens of Pthtia for even a fraction of Achilles’ time. Had he known how difficult it would be he would have left Achilles to be more carefree on their trip home. Gods, how he still flushed at how he had charmed him. A song, under the moonlight.A sigh fell from his lips before he realized it, and yet here he was with dusty scrolls as company. Next time propriety be damned, he would make love with him under the stars.
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By the Gods meetings bored him to tears, there was little for him to contribute as his father and Phiniox had already ensured ships and supplies were being procured. Yet, it would not reflect on him well if he skipped them, no matter how boring. Ensuring their men had proper weapons as well as rations and places to lay their heads. He had never led men before, but he had his father and Phiniox to guide him. And Patroclus would be with him?Right?
Gods, he still wasn’t sure if he even wanted Patroclus to come to Troy. That indecision had resulted in a screaming match that he was sure most of the castle had heard. Patroclus had not spoken to him in three- no going on four days. This morning he barely got a kiss on the cheek, he wasn’t about to push this luck and good humor.
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Gods, Achilles was so infuriating just deciding things on his own without his input. At times Patroclus was his advisor before he was his lover. Sometimes both. But the sheer indignity of Achilles treating him like a delicate flower was maddening. It had already been agreed that he would go to Troy and that was the end of that. His lover cruelly wished to subject him to years of waiting by the shore waiting for him to return. And the truth of the matter was that he would never return. Leaving him to spare his life, his life was not worth anything without him. Their hearts were too entwined for him to think of living without him. Gods it was enough to have lost their child but to lose Achilles too. It was too much, he would rather die in battle than stay here. At least they would die together.Enough of this he would drive himself made sitting here waiting for Achilles to make up his mind. What he needed was some fresh air and sunlight.
Opening the door caught right into Achilles’ chest.
“And where are you going?” he asked, sounding too amused for his liking. Then again this was Achilles, who always wore a cat’s grin.He nearly told him to it was none of his business, but honestly, they needed to talk.“The gardens,” he told him, walking off. Achilles caught up and was soon in step with him. Sunlight peeked through the greenery of the trees around them despite wanting sunshine, shadows had found him. Rough bark pressed against his back as Achilles’ warmth caged him in.“I’m sorry,” he whispered, and in the shade of the grove, his viridine eyes were made all the more prominent. He couldn’t look away, under their spell. Under the spell of dampness that resided in them.Gently his fingers brushed against his cheek, Achilles nuzzled against his palm. “Make me your solace. Let me share your worries and burdens. You don’t have to hold them all so close to your heart, it’ll poison you if you let them,” Patroclus told him“I can’t, Patroclus you know I can’t.” Gods, did he know that he was asking him? To reveal all the ugliness that rested just below the surface. All of which he thought he had outgrown was all still there. Pride, Envy, and all of it. His hideous nature“You can. I’ll never leave you, Achilles.” I love you.“So don’t let me stay behind, I can’t be apart from you any more than you from me.” Patroclus wasn’t beyond begging, he had no such pride especially when it came to the man he loves.“You’re right, Gods only know I’ll behave without my beautiful and intelligent Patroclus by my side.” Achilles breathed, lips brushing ever so near his lips.“Take me with you, I promise to not get in your way.” Patroclus returned, ready for their argument to be over. How he hated even they fought.“You never do. I enjoy having you in my way. Your presence fills with me with unspeakable joy.” I love you Patroclus, by the old gods and the new. I’ll love you until all the stars fall even then my love for you is boundless.“Achilles.” Gods how he loved the way his name fell from those lips.“Patroclus,” he replied, pressing his palms further into the rough bark. Their kiss was filled with forgiveness and a hint of despair, but love overpowered both.When it broke, the entire grove fell silent at the pair of lovers. Another vow formed in their kiss.
I’ll never leave you for as long as I live. Even when I die, our souls are forever intertwined.
A servant summoned him to his father’s study. His father motioned for him to sit and he did.
“Has our little Skops found reprieve from his black mood,” he asked, too amused for his own good. Achilles blew out a breath in answer.“He has, but his mood was my fault.” At least his love was smiling again, that’s all he needed.His father gave a small chuckle. “Don’t vex him too much my son, Patroclus will not only serve as your most trusted advisor. I foresee that he will have a great role to play in your future, be kind to and look after him.”Achilles resisted the urge to sigh. First, Chiron, now his own father, was telling him to look after Patroclus.Patroclus he knew for a fact hated when he doted on him too much citing his independence, still, he did it anyway. That had been the whole issue with their last fight, “You don’t trust me enough to take care of myself..”“Always, father,” he began to rise from his seat.“Achilles, my son..,” his father started then stopped suddenly.The silence between them was so deafening that the sound of the waves crashing against the shore. He crossed the room in three quick steps.“Father,” he didn't know what else to say, but his father simply held him.When they parted, his father's eyes were wet.“ I pray you come home to me, my son. I pray that you both do.” His father held his face cupped in his well-worn hands.“ We will, father,” they just held each other, “ I promise,” he whispered.Achilles sighed against his father's shoulder, feeling how frail his father felt.“I'm sorry, father. I won't be coming home. Patroclus will. I'm sorry to lie to you, but you need no more burdens. Forgive me.”The weather had been so hot lately that he and Achilles lazed about on the floor of their room. The cool tiles, bliss. Achilles ran his thumb across his pulse, the most contact he would allow. The room was too stifling for them to do anything else, Patroclus sighed pressing his face further against the tiles.Achilles tentatively drew him closer, and begrudgingly he allowed it.Patroclus' bronze skin glistened with sweat. Achilles couldn’t help, but run his tongue against his neck. Patroclus made a noise but didn’t stop him.This was a game of how far he could go before Patroclus either pushed him away or wrestled with him.Well “wrestling” of a different kind.“It’s too hot,” Patroclus huffed at him.“Hmm,” pretending to agree with him. In a flash he was straddling him, bringing his wrists over his head “but it has never stopped us before.”Patroclus’ lips parted as if to scold him before, forming a smirk instead.“We mustn't be too loud, or else the guards will hear,” he said, widening his legs.“ I don’t care,” he returned, fitting himself between his thighs.Patroclus sent him another smirk, “You should,” before pinning him to the floor.Oh, so he wanted to play dirty.__________________________________________Only he could do this, make Achilles near begging for release.His hair spilled across the floor in a pool of spun gold, coiling and twisting all over the place. Golden flecks danced in his green eyes. Face flushed with health. Gods he looked so handsome, so perfect so his.Patroclus nuzzled at his neck. Achilles made a startled noise when he nipped at his neck suddenly.Keeping his rhythm steady and slow, he wanted him to vocalize exactly what he wanted.Achilles bit at his lip to silence what he was sure would have alerted the guards. Not that he was ashamed of being his so completely.Patroclus gave him a little smirk from above, giving him another shallow thrust.“What do you want, Achilles? All you have to do is say and I’ll grant it,” panting, he wasn’t going to last much longer not with how good he felt. Achilles groaned under him.“You know what,” he growled, growing all the more impatient. Patroclus was an awful tease. Wicked.“I don’t,” he snickered letting him feel the slow drag of his cock. He was all but pulled out before moving in the same tortuous yet pleasurable pace.“Patroclus, I swear to all the Gods…” Achilles’ face had reddened terribly, that’s how aroused he had him. It was a shame, he was being so stubborn.“Tell me what you want, Achilles,” he said, clicking his tongue.“I’m close, love please,” His dark eyes gleamed. Such a wicked thing he was, and to think he once thought him innocent and sweet.“Achilles,” he chided, pulling out slightly before making yet another small thrust. Aroused and growing tired of their game, Achilles used his weight to change their position.Patroclus glanced up smirking. Achilles would wipe that smirk off his face in due time, but first. Patroclus groaned as he sank back down on him. Achilles barely resisted the urge to taunt him, instead focused on getting closer to finishing.
Achilles certainly paid him back in kind for his teasing, he was so sore he could scarcely move. To add to his punishment, he had to watch as servants came up to fill the tub for both of them. His lover had no shame or decency at all. Patroclus groaned before hiding his face in the pillow, Achilles chuckled next to him. Bastard, smug bastard.Just for that, he stole his pillow to cover his head completely as if it would absolve him of his shame. Half of the palace already knew they were intimate together there was no need to hide.Yet….After a little while, he felt Achilles was shaking him awake. Huh, when had he gone to sleep.“Patroclus,” he breathed right at his ear, “it’s time to wake up. Our bath is ready.”
He resisted the urge to shiver, as much as Achilles said his name. Never would he tire of how careful Achilles formed the words or how seductive he could make it sound.Callous fingertips traced at his back making him reflexively roll his shoulder. He still felt so sleepy.“Come here, love,” Achilles breathed once more, “Or I dump you in.” This time he rolled over to face him, Achilles’ impish grin made him smile. He held an arm out.“Then dump me in, I’m sleepy,” he groaned against his pillow. Achilles’ fingers went back to dragging across his skin. Patroclus felt him tracing his freckles and moles.“Lazy,” he mocked playfully, “whatever will I do with you?”“Pick me up, and put me in,” he suggested casually, the rhythmic way Achilles’ fingers were outlining his skin was making him feel even sleepier.His lover sighed dramatically but he felt warm hands lifting him. Patroclus was startled but didn't complain, simply let him carry him to the tub.“Spoiled,” Achilles muttered when his toes touched the water. It was refreshingly cool. Patroclus hummed sliding in.“Thank you, my love,” he said when Achilles entered the water. Which rose before it settled and around him.Achilles looked at him through lidded eyes, “Anything for you... always.”The heat in those words, made him color immediately.Achilles lightly ran his tongue over his teeth, just itching to sink back into Patroclus’ soft skin. Patroclus should know by now how dangerous it was when he blushed.While he contemplated pulling him to his side and into his lap, ultimately decided there would be time for it later. He had several weeks to enjoy his time with Patroclus. Then an eternity together that much he was sure of it. His first step was to conquer Troy, then he would give him the stars and more. Achilles was going to give him the world. Or burn it down trying.

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The next few days with Achilles made him feel blissful. All they did lately was fuck and drink. The intimacy between them was heady and intoxicating, it left him as drunk as when Achilles tipsy from wine would caress him until the Sun rose. Achilles was so sensual drunk, reciting poems all while fucking him at a torturously slow pace. Fingers caressing him in ways, he had yet to discover. Which drove him absolutely crazy. Of course, their fun had to end at some point, King Peleus had Achilles stepping more into his responsibility as both prince and leader of the army. Overlooking supplies and even the building of the ships. Patroclus often spent much of his time in the vast library or the gardens. The gardens were a rare treasure in the palace, as few dared to venture in the lush landscape. Patroclus wondered why it was such a beautiful place and private. More often than not when he could pull Achilles away, they would fool around.  But fooling around nearly every night was having a downside, he found himself more tired when noon rolled around. After a morning spent in the library, he ventured to the gardens a few scrolls under his arms. Planning to read under the shade of his and Achilles’ favorite tree.  Patroclus blinked at the scroll as the letters started blurring together, he shook his head and tried to continue. His eyes fell closed anyway. The Sun was a little lower in the sky and wondered if he had fallen asleep again. Yawning, gathered his scrolls. Achilles, he hoped, was finished with his duties, so perhaps they could have dinner in their chambers.  A sudden pang of regret hit him putting the scrolls back, he had been selfishly taking all of Achilles’ attention and time when that precious time should be spent with Peleus.He had taken all of Achilles’ focus lately, he could sit through dinner with King Peleus’ court. With all their eyes on him, Patroclus sucked in a shuddering breath. Achilles would be next to him, he would be alright. His resolve strengthened and went to their chambers to dress. Achilles placed his sword on the table, stripping off his soiled tunic for a fresh one. Finished he smiled softly at the figure asleep on the bed. Patroclus it seemed was halfway finished dressing when he decided a nap was a better idea.  Letting his fingers reach to play with a curl that had fallen in front of his forehead. He debated waking him up to have him join him and his father for dinner, but he seemed so peaceful. It had been a while since he had seen Patroclus rest so peacefully. He was due his rest, with that in mind. Achilles moved his curls to kiss his forehead.“Skops isn’t joining us this evening?” his father questioned as the meal was placed before them. “No, I don’t think he is feeling very well,” Achilles said, poking at his meal a moment before going for his goblet. Dinner would have been much more enjoyable with Patroclus at his side.  “That’s a shame, but I suppose this has more to do with nerves than an actual sickness,” his father said with a knowing gaze.  “It could be, but he has been coping well.” “Yes, he has.” Again with that look, did his father know something he didn’t?“It is good that he is getting his rest, we should hate for him to become ill. He is after your most trusted right hand.” Achilles grinned at that. “Of course he is. I trust him with my very life.” His father smiled and at the moment he saw all of the lines of age etched into his face. A sight he marveled at it, something he would never experience if the prophecy came true. “Good. I’m proud of you my son more than you could ever know. You have grown up so well. Both of you have.” Achilles let his father embrace him once more. It seemed that whenever they were alone his father was always smothering him into his embrace as if to shield him.  As if he knew.  Nonetheless, Achilles let his head rest against his father’s neck.After his son retired Peleus sat near the fire letting the warmth seep into his bones. A sort of peace flowed through him. His son-in-law was possibly expecting. As of late, that's all the poor boy did lately was sleep, which is why he kept his duties light and the servants out of his way. If he wasn’t, then he would be soon, his son’s vicious appetite would make sure of it. They were the gossip of the palace, with the visible dark purple marks on Patroclus too high to be hidden by tunics or cloaks. Peleus chuckled to himself, perhaps he should marry them before they set sail. It would prevent any stain or gossip on his future grandchildren.

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Peleus examined the young boy in front of him, the boy came from a well-respected household. His older brother, Amarynceus was married to one of his vassals and had given him several children. Too many to be decent in his opinion.
 
Numerous pregnancies which this young man had attended, still he had his doubts. 
 
“Are you willing to undertake responsibility for my son-in-law’s well being?”. There was little reason not to call Patroclus his future son-in-law at this point when his son had already taken liberties and claimed him as much as one could.

“Yes, Your Highness,” he bowed slightly.  
 
His son’s possessiveness of Patroclus at times frightened him. Nothing would tear Patroclus from him short of death and the Gods help them all if Achilles lost him, his son would go to any length to get him back or punish those who had caused it. This is why he was taking all the necessary precautions. He even felt some regret sending this youth into the lion’ den.
 
Which brought him to his next question, “If something was ever to happen to him and you were at fault how would you temper my son’s rage.”
 
The youth appeared to think before looking at him with such conviction, he was moved by it, “ There is nothing I nor anyone can do to temper His Highness’ rage if he loses his beloved. Nor would I blame him for his rage, however this duty had been appointed to me and I will not fail.”
 
Peleus tapped his fingers against the armrest, examining the young man who was still calm.
 
“Serve them well,” he said dismissing him.

The boy bowed once more before leaving the audience chamber.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Crimson flecks splattered across the sheets gave him relief because for months there had been no sign of his bleeding returning. Chiron had told him it would be a while before his body healed from the trauma. However just because it was back didn’t mean that he was fertile once more. In fact, the sight mocked him, what was the use of bleeding and enduring all of that pain for what. Nothing, no child to hold in his arms, and as bitter as his heart felt, he couldn’t let Achilles see. It was one thing to have him know he was a carrier, another to know of his failure to keep a child. Perhaps it had been a blessing for him to have lost their child, it was obvious that Achilles did not care for children. Just look at the way he had so quickly handed the child on a golden platter to his mother. He imagined a similar fate if their child had survived. A sob bubbled up as he gathered the sheets, it wasn’t fair, all he had ever wanted was to be happy. Yet he laughed bitterly to himself since when did the Gods care about what mortals desired? They’re toys, amusement that’s all. Things to be discarded when they are broken.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Patroclus placed a hand at the wall, feeling dizzy. Thankful he was close to their room, he was this close to passing out. He swore to himself that he was limiting Achilles’ “playtime”, the fucker was insatiable. One round always turned into two or three, each with him completely out of his mind with pleasure at the stretch of his cock. Then again he said that and was right back to tumbling bed with him. It was the way he held him, marked him, the way words fell like honey from his lips him feeling so-
 
“

You’re so beautiful, my Patroclus. I could write a million songs and they would never measure up to your beauty.”

Achilles murmured against his neck.

-shy. 
 
Gods don’t let Achilles get a little wine in him then he would have him until early dawn, all while reciting tender poems, marking him, and wrapping him completely in his love. Like this morning so he was suffering both from lack of sleep and a hangover. Patroclus had yawned so much he thought his face was going to stretch, giving ways to wrinkles and lines. Thankful lazy afternoons had become his respite, in the gardens or their room.
 
 The weather was much too hot so he ventured into their room. Just sitting on the bed made him collapse into it, slowly the world came to a stop. Right before he closed his eyes, wondered if Achilles would be back by then. 
 
Patroclus sluggishly awoke to the scent of food, however the room itself was empty. It was a simple meal of chicken, some vegetables, a roll, and a jar of wine. He poured himself a cup, however when he raised it to his lips, his stomach turned. Everything else he cleared away except for the wine, which made him wonder if Thetis had it poisoned. Then again that was beneath her as all she had to do was snap his neck. So there had to be another reason. Sitting back on the bed, another wave of exhaustion hit him, even though he had just woken up. For the Gods’ sakes, it was still day out.
 
Then it hit him, but it couldn’t be. His blood had already come or had it? No this was impossible.
 
There was no way. Yet that was the only way to explain his dizzy spells, the fatigue, his increasing appetite, and his newfound aversion to wine. 
 
He was pregnant. 
 
Patroclus should have known something was wrong, right when he started sleeping more. Fatigue had been all he had felt with his first pregnancy. However, he had chalked it up to his and Achilles nightly routine that was draining him.  
 
Oh, Gods. 
 
He was pregnant. 
 
This wasn’t, this couldn’t be. Emotions ran through him happiness, uncertainty, doubt, but fear was his strongest one overshadowing his joy completely. He had already lost one child before there was no need for him to even get attached in the event-. No, his hands came to rest at his belly. Even if it was to be for a short period he would cherish it. His baby.
 
Wait
 
If he was truly pregnant then he would just have to wait, just to be sure. After all, there could be another reason. Stress, his blood coming in late, there were so many other things. He couldn’t get his hopes up just yet. 
 
Oh 
 
How he wanted to tell Achilles this time. 
 
“

I’m pregnant with your child.”

Wanted to shout it from the rooftop, but Achilles wouldn’t care, he hadn’t cared when Deidameia said it. Why would he be any different? 
 
So he would wait, he had to.
 
Until it was safer for both him and the child. If he could even hold into this child.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

She wasn’t doing this to be cruel, she was doing it to be kind. To save her child. After all, she had a chance to be with him many years ago but she had given it up to keep him safe.Achilles, while he was a part of the sea, was too mortal to live in the sea caves. He had been fascinated by them but the trouble began when he tried to swim without her. He nearly drowned, chasing after a school of fish of all things. Zeus, her child. After the horror of coming so close to losing him, she quickly deposited on the shore to his pitiful mortal father.For years she had lived in fear of the day that she lost him, in the line of that regret had abandoned him. Or he believed she had abandoned him there wasn’t a single thing she wouldn’t do to keep him safe. Even if it meant letting him go. Letting him grow with mortals, but now she realized what a mistake that had been.She would not let him be swayed by the cow-eyed harlot. Not by the honey-tongued champion of Athena. No one was taking him away from her if not on her own terms. She had failed him once, never again.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

They were there so tempting, yet all he was permitted to do was stare. Watch as scraps of white fabric teased at Patroclus’ firm yet supple thighs. Every flex made running or jumping, drew the eye to them. The way Patroclus’ soft thighs wrapped his middle when they wrestled was pure bliss. To his absolute beauty, everything about him drew his quiet awe. How he felt ashamed at how much he wanted to sink his teeth in him, mark him, make him his completely. NOHe couldn’t no matter how much he fixated on the idea. It was wrong to think about your friend in such a way, especially your best friend, practically your blood bound brother. Achilles couldn't understand why he felt this way. Why he thought Patroclus had gotten so pretty lately. Every day his feelings grew and grew, how could they not. He had only grown lovelier with each passing day with his doe eyes, pouty red lips, and gentle smile. “Patroclus,” he thought with a sigh, “Why can’t I just tell you how I feel?”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

In a fit of madness, he placed a small kiss at her swell, this was Achilles’ child. The child that should have been his. Deidameia sat up to look at him startled.“You wish you could carry his child?” he didn’t answer her query. He couldn’t. Patroclus was gently withdrawing from her. Sweat dripped down them both and her cheeks were flushed. While his inner thighs were slightly damp, he hoped she wouldn’t notice. Gods, he wasn't going to lie, she had felt wonderful. However, he shouldn't have such thoughts about his lover’s wife. Achilles would be furious, unstatement of the year. He had told him how she had felt but had seemed unnerved by her wetness.“She was slick like oil, but it was…” The only reason he had even had the experience to compare it to was his own, a thought made him both uncomfortable and sad, that he had hated the feeling of it. This was a mistake, he should have never given into her request, but she had looked so sad and pitiful. Sliding from the bed to redress, he was startled when she suddenly spoke. “You must hate me.”“I don't, you're giving him the one thing. I could never give him.” Patroclus meant every word, regardless of his jealousy.His own belly was empty of children and from the way Chiron had spoken, it would always be empty. “You should, I have all that you want,” she told him, her arrogance returning. Strangely she had been quiet and soft during the act. Let her believe what she wished, for in truth she had everything and at the same time nothing at all, soon it wouldn't matter. She was leaving for her confinement, Achilles, and he were set to sail for home. Then to Troy.Achilles had already told him how his mother planned to take the child from her after he has been weaned. The babe was to be a boy. She would be deprived of both child and husband. He felt sorry for her, to not only leave behind her dancing and foster sisters but to give birth. A task she would either succeed or fail at the cost of her life. So he would give her any comfort she sought. He could spare her this, being kind to her. “I don’t hate you, I could never hate you. I pray for both your health and your child’s,” he told her departing._______________________________Leaving her rooms did it fully sink in what he had done. It was one thing to feel sorry for her, another to sleep with her. By the Gods what he had done. How would he even begin to explain to Achilles, tell him of this? To be honest he wasn’t even sure what had occurred between them as it had been a mixture of threats and pity. He felt a little sick.