Work Text
It was only mid-October and the temperature was dropping at an alarming rate. Yoongi was shivering and cursing himself for forgetting his coat back at his apartment. He had a cup of hot black coffee in his hands as he brisk walked towards his friend’s studio. Yoongi loved cold weathers, he liked being able to cocoon himself inside his blankets during chilly mornings and get some extra hours of sleep because it’s ‘too early and cold to wake up’. He especially loved autumn because the colours during the season notched up the aesthetic feels of his neighbourhood that he loved to photograph so much. However, no matter how good a day is, or how perfect the weather is, Min Yoongi never woke up early or even took a step out of his house on his days off. Somehow, that day, he was forced to be up and dressed at 8 am, hot coffee in hand walking out in the cold.Yoongi shoved his free hand into his pants pocket that did very little to warm it. Yoongi cursed the cold, cursed himself for forgetting to wear warm clothes, and cursed his friend who had woken him up by calling him early in the morning because 'Hyung, this is an emergency, our life is on the line!'. Yoongi considered letting his friend die so he would never be disturbed at ass crack in the morning again. But Yoongi knew he would never hear the end of it if his friend survived.“It better be urgent, Hoseok,” Yoongi muttered to himself, as he came to a halt at the intersection opposite of his friend’s studio.Hoseok’s studio was situated a few blocks away from his and Yoongi’s shared apartment. The roads were divided by a line of trees in the middle with damp leaves strewed across the divider. It was chilly and wet. The sun was barely up, letting soft beams of sun rays falling between shadows of trees and buildings around.Pretty, Yoongi thought. He wished he had his camera to take a picture of the place while it lasted. He patted his pants with his free hand for his phone instead.“Great, I forgot my phone too!”Yoongi heard a voice in his head, the voice was frantic and worried. A voice he knew very well. “Why didn’t you take your phone? What if something happened to you? What if someone had to call for an emergency?”Yoongi squeezed his eyes shut and exhaled loudly, trying to shake the voice away. Yoongi always, always, always, carried his phone. Past experiences had taught him that much at least. He cursed himself under his breath and opened his eyes.It was too early on a weekend morning, so the roads were pretty empty, except for a few cyclists taking rounds around the place. Yoongi spotted several joggers and couldn't fathom why someone would want to torture themselves like that when they could sleep for longer on a weekend. Yoongi stood at the intersection crossing, looking around him and admiring his view. It was a peaceful morning.A cool breeze hit Yoongi right on his face, reminding him why he was out this early and almost immediately started walking. Hoseok did sound worried on the phone call and the last thing Yoongi wanted was a pissed off Hoseok.Yoongi's morning was filled with bad, unclever decisions. He did not bother to check the pedestrian crossing light before he started to walk. He took a step forward to cross the road. A loud honk and a screech resonated in the air, making the birds from the nearby trees flap away. Yoongi startled at the sudden noise, froze in his steps, goosebumps erupting on his skin, as he shut his eyes at the ear-piercing sound. His heart almost jumped out his chest and he forgot how to breathe.Slowly, he willed himself to open his eyes after a few seconds and turned towards the direction of the sound and what caused it. A truck that had honked loudly was quite a distance away but it had stopped nonetheless. When Yoongi made no action of moving, frozen on spot, the truck driver honked at him once more. Yoongi winced and took a step back, allowing the truck to pass through, muttering an apology to the driver who couldn't hear him.Yoongi stood at the pavement, staring at the coffee in his hand with a grimace. He shook the cup a little, he no longer felt the warmth of the coffee and sighed bitterly. “What a waste,” he muttered before disposing of the cup at a nearby trashcan.Yoongi wouldn’t admit it, but he was incident has shaken him a bit. He looked back at the road, checking to see if any vehicles were approaching before walking again. His day was made of bad choices, and it hadn't even been two hours since he woke up.“You’re so careless sometimes, Yoongichi,” the voice inside his head spoke up once more, and laughter followed soon. Yoongi shuddered, trying to clear his head, and instead focusing the road, a bitter smile forming on his face.I'm so stupid, he thought.Yoongi reached Hoseok’s studio soon after. The studio’s living room was a mess with half a dozen empty instant noodles cups laying on the table, empty bottles of soju and chocolate wrappers strewed across the carpet, and coats that were probably hurriedly hanged fallen at the side of the room.With a heavy sigh, Yoongi tip-toed around the mess and knocked on the recording room’s door peeking through the glass in between. Hoseok was sitting facing the door conversing with another person that was working on the monitor, and they looked tense.Hoseok looked up when he heard the knock and upon noticing Yoongi, he hurried outside the room to greet him, the frown on his face vanishing.“Thank you so much for coming, hyung.” Hoseok breathed out as he placed his hands on Yoongi’s shoulder, squeezing them lightly.Yoongi nodded and shifted on his feet, shoving his hands in his pocket. “What happened? You sounded tense on the phone.”Hoseok sighed, looking back at the studio and then at Yoongi. “The computer broke down. We’re not sure if it crashed, but we’ve worked all night on it and there are some really important files that we haven’t backed up yet. Namjoon and I have been trying to get the computer running but it shows a black screen with jargoned codes and reboots on its own.”Yoongi nodded again, the exasperation evident in Hoseok’s voice. He gave the younger man a once over and realised that the two indeed stayed up the entire night working before the computer gave up on them. Hoseok looked as if he had aged a few years since last night. His hair was a mess, sticking up in every direction, being a result of constantly running his hands through them and there was some dry leftover food stuck on the collar of his shirt. He was dressed in mismatched clothing. In all, he looked terrible.Yoongi glanced at Namjoon through the glass and sighed. “Listen, I can't promise you that I will be able to fix it, but I can try to get the data from the computer. I hope you saved them before the computer died.” Yoongi looked back at Hoseok. “I told you that ancient technology would give up on you. Your software is too heavy for it.” Yoongi shook his head and placed his hand on the door’s handle to go in but Hoseok stopped him.“Wait, hyung, are you okay?” He asked.Yoongi frowned. He was still feeling displaced from a while ago but, did it show on his face? Maybe it was too early in the morning for him to even consider functioning. Yoongi shook his head. “I’m fine. Why?” He asked.“You… you look pale.” Hoseok frowned and moved closer to get a better look at Yoongi’s face. “Did something happen?”Yoongi avoided eye contact and tried to look anywhere else but at Hoseok. “I had to wake up early, Hoseok-ah and it's really cold outside, and I’m not used to this. My brain isn't wired to working on my days off.” Yoongi was a horrible liar. He was very good at masking his feelings but couldn't do it around people he loved and cared for. He had a hard time hiding his feelings or lying. Hoseok was one of those people that wove through his heart, being his roommate, living with him for some time now.Hoseok scoffed. "Your job requires you to be awake at ungodly hours and your days off are never planned. Please at least try to bullshit properly." Yoongi rolled his eyes, proceeding to go into the recording studio but Hoseok stopped him again.“Hyung,” he started, “Really, did something happen?” He asked this time worry lacing his voice.Yoongi gave in, finally looking at Hoseok and exhaled. “Just a small accident.”Hoseok’s eyes widened. “Are you hurt? How small of an accident?” Hoseok immediately grabbed Yoongi’s wrist and looked over for any bruise.Yoongi shrugged his hands away and said, “I’m not hurt, nothing happened. I’m fine, Hobi. I was being stupid. I got distracted while crossing the intersection”Hoseok stared at his roommate for a second before scowling. “What distracted you?”“Nothing in particular and that’s not important.” It was Yoongi’s turn to scowl. He loved his roommate and he knew Hoseok was concerned but it was too early for a lecture.“Hyung,” Hoseok called, sounding slightly annoyed.Yoongi knew Hoseok wouldn’t drop the topic so he turned around and almost barked at his roommate to shut up, instead he was surprised when Hoseok thrust a bottle at him asking him to hydrate himself because Yoongi looked like shit and angrily opened the door to the recording room, leaving him outside.“You're one to talk” Yoongi muttered, smiling slightly at Hoseok's retrieving messy head and entered the studio. Hoseok was not one to drop a topic when it concerned Yoongi and his well-being. When Hoseok did not probe the accident topic for the next two days, Yoongi was glad and thought that all the odds were, for once, in his favour. They were successful in getting the data from the computer but there was no helping the device. Hoseok wasn’t bothered about the device much as he had all his files secured in his hard disk. He had showered Yoongi with kisses and Namjoon made faces at how sappy Hoseok could be, trying to look disgusted, but he was thankful nonetheless.Maybe Yoongi was thanking the odds too soon because on a Saturday night in the living room of their house when Yoongi and Hoseok were celebrating their “one year as roommates anniversary” - as Hoseok called it - Hoseok obtrusively voiced his curiosity in the middle of their conversation about his upcoming project.“I know day off mornings are hard for you, but what happened to you that day? What were you thinking about that it made the most careful person do something like getting into an accident while crossing the road,” Hoseok asked, taking a sip of his wine and quickly corrected himself, his voice almost teasing, “An almost accident, as you call it.”Yoongi groaned. “Hobi, do we have to talk about it? See, I have not hurt anywhere, neither was the truck even close enough for me to get injured.”Hoseok’s eyes widened, as he took another sip of his wine and thought: A truck? A fucking truck? It could've killed you.Yoongi glanced sideways at his roommate. Hoseok was grimacing into his glass and Yoongi knew what was about to come. He knew Hoseok wouldn’t let it go anymore. He couldn’t even deny or defend himself, because he knew what Hoseok was thinking and he was thinking right.“You were thinking about lover boy,” Hoseok stated.Yoongi fake gasped, eyes widening as he faced his roommate. “Why would I be thinking of him at eight in the fucking morning, Hobi?” Yoongi shook his head trying to hide his reddening cheeks as he gulped down the remnants of his cup and scowled, “What’s with lover boy?”Hoseok shrugged and refilled Yoongi glass, smiling and enjoying his roommate getting flustered. “I don’t know what else to call him, you never gave me a name.”Yoongi frowned, recalling every time he spoke of his ex-boyfriend to Hobi and realised that he indeed never told him his name.Hoseok snuggled at the armrest of the couch they were sitting on, finding a comfy position as his eyes lids grew heavy. Alcohol always made him sleepy. “What do I call him then?” He murmured.Yoongi didn’t even hesitate as he replied, “Jin.” He grimaced and hid his face in his glass and downed the entire content, suddenly feeling bitter and nostalgic. The name was so familiar on his lips and yet had a strange ring to it, as if he were calling for a stranger. The sweet wine now tasted bitter on his lips and he scowled.Jin, he thought, as a bitter smile spread across his face. Hoseok wasn’t wrong when he would tease Yoongi about still having feelings for his ex-boyfriend even after so many years of separation.Hoseok hummed, drowsily, “Nice name. And, you’re still as whipped as ever.”Yoongi scowled and reached over to the nearest cushion throwing it across, aiming directly at Hoseok’s face.
then - approximately a year before the breakup - 15/08/2017 - Tuesday evening
“Jin, Jin, Jin, Jin,” Yoongi whined, rolling around on the bed, wrapping and unwrapping the blanket around him as he rolled.“I’m starting to hate that name,” Jin replied, squinting at the book he was reading.Yoongi got on his knees and waddled towards Jin, poking his face right in between the book and Jin.Jin tried hard to hold back his smile, placing his free hand firmly on his lap and fighting the urge to wrap it around Yoongi’s waist. “Yes?” he asked, trying to seem nonchalant.“I’m bored doing nothing.” Yoongi pouted.“Yoongi, we went out for lunch it hasn’t even been two hours since!”“Exactly, we went out for lunch two hours ago! Eating food can only get as entertaining,” Yoongi whined, dropping his head in Jin’s lap. The book falling from Jin’s hand and getting trapped underneath Yoongi’s head. “And what’s with Yoongi?”Jin sighed, “Yoongichi, I’m sorry I made you eat that wasabi, it’s getting to your head now. You’re talking nonsense.”Yoongi pursed his lips into a pout again, “You’re being formal with me. You called me Yoongi. I don’t like it. We don’t work together anymore, and it’s just the two of us. All you’re doing is…” Yoongi shuffles to side, picking off the book Jin dropped to read the title. “…reading this book about a magic shop and brains.”Jin smiled, amused. “You recommended the book to me.”Yoongi opened his mouth to retort but had nothing witty to say. He pushed the book behind the pillow Jin was leaning against and mumbled, “It was Namjoon who gave me the book. I can’t believe you’re reading such a boring book, hyung.”Jin was laughing now, his body vibrating with his laugh and his movements bouncing Yoongi’s head in his lap. “You gave me the book, Yoongs.”Yoongi tried to hide his gummy smile as he watched Jin’s face crinkle, and his eyes hide behind his lids as he squeaked and laughed. It was Yoongi’s most favourite thing. He loved Jin’s laugh. He loved it so much, he loved making Jin laugh. Even after four years, he was happy he could still make Jin laugh like always.Yoongi continued to watch Jin and sighed in content, this was his favourite moment. Just his boyfriend and him. His laughter because Yoongi made a lame joke, and the contentment he felt whenever Jin was around. It’s like he could live again.Yoongi reached up, cupping Jin’s face and ran his thumb over his cheeks. His eyes softened and he smiled at Jin fondly. If it is for you, I would do it over and over.
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The first time, June 2013 - Seoul, SK
Yoongi likes consistency in his life. He is the kind of person to get attached to people easily, despite not showing it but rather feeling it inside and keeping it tucked away only for himself to know. He, however, is an open book despite constantly being called closed off.He gives off the impression that he despises his job and would like to be anywhere but there. To people that know Yoongi know how passionate he is about his profession and how much he loves it. Anyone that passed Yoongi that day grinning at the 5-storey production house could see it too, just how happy Yoongi was to be back to work after a long shoot that went on forever and a weekend that felt like it would never end.He was standing at a crosswalk, waiting for the signal to turn green so he could cross it and reach his workplace.He looked at the building fondly, he felt his body relax and melt into the familiar surroundings. After coming back to his office after a month.A tall man came to a halt beside Yoongi, looking at his surroundings curiously. He was new to the area and almost everyone was dressed in expensive clothing. He fidgetted with his jacket uncomfortably. He looked down at the person standing next to him staring at a far off building like it was raining rainbows. The tall man followed the shorter one's line of sight and assumed he was looking at a huge billboard of some Korean actress he couldn't recall the name of.'Ah, must be a fan,' he thought."You seem like a huge fan," he spoke up without realising.Yoongi looked up at the tall man, confused. "Sorry, was that for me?"The tall man pursed his lip in a pout and nodded twice. Yoongi studied the stranger for a second, feeling his face heat up. He wasn't sure if it was because of the taller man's cuteness or for having been assumed to be ogling at a billboard."No, man, I work there, in that building. It's been really long since I came here last, I am really happy to be back!" Yoongi replied, honestly."You're probably the first person I've met looking happy to be back to work on a Monday." He grinned. He looked at the building the billboard was attached to. It looked like every other modern business like building he'd been to. He couldn't fathom how someone could be happy to be going back to a corporate box like that.Yoongi chuckled in response. "I am happy because I love my job."'I wonder what that feels like,' the taller man thought and smiled at Yoongi.The signal then turned green and pedestrians started walking forward, the two of them automatically being led down the crossing by the throng of people."I hope you have a fabulous day," the taller man said loudly and disappeared into the crowd.Yoongi smiled at the disappearing man and walked on, towards his office. "Ah, it's the blue moon!" A lady standing next to the third-floor receptionist bellowed as Yoongi exited the elevator.Yoongi looked up and grinned upon spotting the lady. The receptionist next to her replied, "More like a full moon. Look at him, he's glowing!"Yoongi reached the lady and smiled. "Good morning to you too, ladies.""You look awfully jolly for a person returning from a very stressful month of work in Spain." She took a sip from her steaming cup. "Shit, it's hot," She curses, breathing through her mouth, to sooth the burn.Yoongi chuckles, "I'm happy to be back, Soyeon-ssi, and how could I stay away from you guys for so long. I missed you!"The receptionist makes a face and Soyeon replies, "Disgusting!"Soyeon brings out a handful of sheets from the receptionist's table and pretends to go through it. "You're late for your morning meeting. You're going to hear an earful from PD-nim for that," She pipes, beaming at Yoongi, looking visibly happy at his oncoming doom. "However, I, Na Soyeon, you forever reliable, quick and witty assistant can prevent you more trouble than you already put yourself into. These sheets are the minutes from their last meetings and they had a few auditions for extras this week." She handed him the stack of papers in her hand and continued, "The finalised actors are in the meeting right now, which you graciously missed. There have been some changes in the script - major ones, which is why you were required for today's meeting but alas!" She stopped talking and took a deep breath.'She's not done yet, is she?' Yoongi thought, amused."If you stay here for a little longer instead of running to your cabin to hide, you could see who the extras are - and my oh my are they fucking hot!" She exclaimed, grinning. "And both of them look like your type!"Yoongi frowned, 'I don't have a type.'Soyeon continued, "And, I am sure they'd love a twink like you. You're cute and small, look like a cat. I think one of them had a cat keychain on their folder." She tucked her hand under her chin, thinking.Yoongi turned towards her. "Twink, cute and small, Soyeon-ssi?" Yoongi asked, giving her a once over, standing slightly taller than Yoongi in her 5-inch heels.Soyeon realised she said words she shouldn't have out loud. "Oh wow, would you look at the time? It's time for you to hide from PD-nim, I think they're coming out now!"Yoongi would've said a few sarcastic words back but Soyeon was right. The meeting was finished and people were coming out of the conference room. He noticed the PD chatting along with the director looking quite happy."Maybe I am not in trouble after all," Yoongi mused.Two tall lanky men stepped out of the room as well, talking in smiles with the assistant director, and bowing continuously.Soyeon wasn't wrong. Both the men were total eye candies, and also very tall. Yoongi scrunched his nose and turned to Soyeon."Say, Soyeon, why do you think they are my type, not that I have a type to be clear?" He asked.Soyeon had a glint in her eyes that told Yoongi he shouldn't have asked. She had way too much dirt on him that he wouldn't want even his best friends or brother to know. 'Perks of being a personal assistant, eh?' Yoongi thought, dryly."Well, for one, you're all small and cute." She warily stepped a few steps away. "And you like being the small spoon. You're soft. A tall and handsome man is definitely it for you." She giggled."That's the worst deduction of me I've ever heard. Even fake fortune tellers can do better," Yoongi scowled and looked back at the actors, still talking to the assistant director.One of them was slightly shorter by a few centimetres than the other and had impossibly wide shoulders. Yoongi could only see his side profile but the person seemed familiar. The man turned towards the receptionist for a brief moment and Yoongi finally recognised him as the man he met outside the office that morning.Yoongi couldn't help the smile that slipped past his lips. Soyeon definitely noticed and Yoongi knew but he couldn't get himself to care at that moment."Soyeon-ssi," He called."Yes, Min Yoongi-ssi?" She replied with mirth in her voice."Why was I required for a meeting with extras? And it doesn't look like the usual ones. What changes were you talking about in the script?" He asked, confused, not taking his eyes off the actors."For that, Min Yoongi-ssi, you had to attend today's meeting, but-" Soyeon stopped mid-sentence when Yoongi directed a glare at her. "You know what I mean." She waved at the receptionist, and turned back to Yoongi, "I'll get you the minutes for today's meeting and your coffee, and if you want, the actors' details as well." She winked and stalked off towards the actors and the assistant director, frantically flipping through pages.
Present Day
Yoongi entered the dark house, entirely spent. He could hear the television sounds coming from the living room. "Ah, Hoba is awake," Yoongi muttered."I'm home," He announced and slowly walked over to the sofa from memory, trying not to trip or hit anything. "Why are the lights off?" He complained, groggily.Hoseok's loudly shushed him. "This is an intense scene, I can't miss any details!"Yoongi absently nodded his head and turned to the TV screen. It was a night scene, and two characters were running, one being chased by the other. The camera shifted to two other people, standing in the middle of the lane looking around, lost and panting.Yoongi was a diligent worker, he loved what he did and he took his work very seriously. Yoongi hasn't worked on many dramas, but he remembers every single scene because of the time he and his crew spent on making them. Yoongi remembered this drama Hoseok was watching too.Suddenly, he was wide awake, his body feeling really hot and shifted in his seat uncomfortably. He remembered how difficult it was to shoot this scene since the lighting was such a huge problem that night. Yoongi unbuttoned a few buttons of his shirt to breathe properly.He didn't want to watch this drama but Hoseok looked so invested in it that he couldn't say anything.'Maybe I should go to bed,' He thought.Yoongi was about to get up when Hoseok grabbed his arm, chewing on his free hand's nails. "Please don't tell me Yunsung dies here! No way!" He shrieked.Yoongi sighed dejectedly, partially sad for his roommate and sad because he had to sit through the ending of this episode. Yoongi thought of spoiling it for Hoseok and put an end to his torture but he wasn't that cruel either.'I'm sorry, Hoseok-ah, but your beloved Yunsung's story ends here.' He thought, turning to the TV screen to see Yunsung on the floor, bleeding and staring off into the dark night as the people in the other lane come running towards him, shocked.The TV screen goes blank and Yoongi turns towards Hoseok, who looks beyond angry. "They killed him! Bloody-" Yoongi tuned out of Hoseok's string of curses and stared at the blank screen.It took him back to a few months after he broke up with his best friend and boyfriend of 4 years. His boyfriend -- ex-boyfriend -- was an actor and Yoongi spent a lot of time watching his movies and dramas because he missed him so much.However, he despised this particular drama the most. It gave him nightmares and made bile rise in his throat. The breakup was the worst, but it was worse watching the person you love bleeding out and die, even if it was fake and for a drama.This was undoubtedly Yoongi's best work, he'd received an award for this drama. The viewership hit the roof and Yunsung's death was mourned by the entire country even though he was just a character and not even the main lead.This drama was special to him, marked his career as an award-winning cinematographer but it haunted him too. He remembers meeting the love of his life through this drama. He remembers the first time he saw him and the first time they spoke.He remembers going through the re-written script and throwing a fit, but immediately calmed down when he found out the guy he had been crushing on was replacing a supporting character later on in the drama, only to die in the end. But he was happy, to be able to work with him.He remembered going through the actor he was crushing on's profile who played Yunsung just to find out what his name was. Soyeon knew he was whipped. The receptionist knew he was whipped. The producer sipping his coffee during the shoot far away in his seat know Yoongi was whipped. Except for him. Except for Kim Seokjin. The Kim Seokjin he gave a hard time during shooting because as much as he was whipped for the guy, he was also serious about his job. The Kim Seokjin who sat outside the set until Yoongi was done to apologise for being a lousy actor and saying he will try his best to improve so that he can get better in Yoongi's eyes. The Kim Seokjin who told Yoongi to have faith in him and promised to do better. The Kim Seokjin who asked if Yoongi hated him and asked him not to. The Kim Seokjin, Yoongi was whipped for from the start.Yoongi hated that drama the most.Unbeknownst to him, he let a traitor tear slip as Hoseok kept whining. Hoseok immediately stopped and looked at Yoongi in concern. "Hey, Yoon, he's just a character, please don't be so upset." Hoseok wiped the tear from his face, smiling.Yoongi smiled. Hoseok didn't know about it. He didn't know about the love of Yoongi's life.
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then - after the first time - September 2013
Yoongi had a reputation; a reputation that made everyone fear him. He was what the production team called 'a true professional'. Everyone in the team admired him but never found the courage to approach and speak a few pleasantries or compliment his work. As much as his co-workers feared him, they respected him even more. His dedication, hard work and talent were remarkable. Yoongi wasn't approachable because he was mean or rude; he was easy to work with, always patient, understanding, observant and he was one of those very few people that listened. Very few people in the industry did that. Listening. Nobody wanted to listen to associates or assistants or even someone lower in rank who may or may not have a better idea than them. They couldn't stand having people assuming that someone else other than them had a better idea.But, Yoongi listened. He always did. He was always polite and kind to everyone. That's why everyone loved him, that's how he grew so quickly even in such a corrupt industry. The amount of respect and admiration people had for Yoongi also made him quite intimidating.Yoongi was, however, stern with his work. He needed people to do their work right. He took it seriously and expected everyone else to do the same. During one of their newest drama shoots, Yoongi's assistant along with some of her colleague-friends sat down for lunch together and talked about Yoongi. "He's in such a bad mood today!" She said.Her friend nodded along surprised herself. "He has been so... what do you call it? Right! Irritated for the past week. The new actors are so afraid of fucking up in front of him."Another joined the conversation. "I heard the extra cast talking in the make-up room. The air was so tense.... whoa, it was suffocating."Yoongi's assistant took a bite of her kimbap, curiously listening, and added, "He's been on the new guy's ass since the poor soul stepped onto the set. Aren't you in charge of his makeup, Misu-unni?" She nodded towards her left where Misu sat. Misu had surprisingly been silent so far.While Misu was busy chomping on her noodles, another person in the group spoke up, worry laced in her voice. "Yes, how is he doing? Honestly, I feel so sorry for him."Yoongi's assistant realised she had to do some damage control and not scare off the new interns. "Yes, Unni, tell him to hang in there. Boss isn't a bad person. He's..." She trailed off, trying to find the correct term to describe her boss. "...a bit of a perfectionist and does not harbour any ill will against him. He just wants things done right."Misu swallowed her noodles and finally looked up at everyone that was waiting for her to speak up. "Yes, I'm aware. I've worked with DOP-nim for some time. He's a nice person and I've seen him bite the head of a few crew members but..." She trailed off, thinking of a particular memory. "He’s never yelled at anyone or cursed.” She trained her eyes at the interns listening intently. “Some of you have worked with other production teams too, right?” She got a few nods and nodded herself. “You’ve seen how terrible the production heads can be. They never mind their tongue when they’re working. It’s always like that. I am not saying this to scare any of you. I mean, DOP-nim has never yelled at anyone, he doesn’t use swear words with the crew. And, because he is like that, the rest of the main production team also keeps a check of their language.”Yoongi's assistant grinned. There was no denying it. Yoongi had that much power in the company."Wow, our DOP-nim is so cool," one intern gushed and the others chimed in.Yoongi’s assistant nodded. “I’ve been with a few production teams myself, working with the boss, I have seen a few of them being so foul with their mouths…” She made a face of disgust and continued, “Boss has never worked with those people after that. He just rejects the proposal immediately if he sees those foul-mouthed people participating in the same project.”Some of the interns frowned. “Can he do that? Wow.”Misu studied the interns for a moment and added, “What we’re trying to explain to you is that this is a very fast-paced work field. You absolutely don’t have time to slack off. Sometimes, things go wrong and sometimes you will get yelled at or scolded but, never take it to heart. People here work under a lot of pressure. It is how the industry is. I know a lot of you are scared of DOP-nim and it is fine. I understand. I want you to also understand that whatever is said on the set in heat shouldn’t be taken to heart ever.” Misu paused and breathed in deeply, “Yes, it may not be your fault sometimes but get scolded wrongly, and I would say its fine, but I know it’s not fine. We all have our pride and dignities to protect. However, when you’re on the set, you can’t argue back. Simply put, we don’t have time for arguments. Time is money. If you have a conflict with someone, anyone, even if it is the PD-nim, you talk to them after the shooting, at the end of the schedule.” Misu smiled at the interns, “Well if you have to talk to PD-nim it’s better to talk to his associate first. But, you get my point, right?”The interns nodded grimly, still looking nervous.Yoongi’s assistant had a few more things to say. “I know DOP-nim seems scary, but he isn’t. He’s a good human. I agree he’s scary when he’s angry and when he scolds. He had this deep voice,” She grinned, thinking back to her first time as an intern working with Min DOP. “It makes him sounds scarier,” She then chuckled. “It amplifies his intimidating image. However, he’s a great person, I can assure you. I’ve worked with him for a few projects.” She smiled reassuringly.“Ah, there’s another thing.” She piqued loudly this time. A little too loud just for her company seated at the lunch table to hear. “I know getting scolded or yelled at in front of so many other people can be embarrassing and hurtful. I also know it makes us feel like we’re doing a bad job and feel discouraged easily. It feels like everyone in the room hates us or the person who scolded us hates, but never, never think of it. I know it’s hard. Never let the thought cross in your head that someone hates you. Nobody means whatever is said in the heat on the set. It’s the stress talking. Nobody hates you, they’re only angry work is not getting done right. We’re all a family, even if you’re new to this place, you’re still going to be a part of this family at the end of the project. Family forgives one another. We have these big parties after every project, and you will see, everyone, talking like they’ve been such great friends, even though they would’ve had a spat during the shooting. What I mean is, we don’t harbour hard feelings or grudges. It’s all dusted off when the production is over. We forgive and forget. It’s up to you how you harbour your feelings towards the end of the project. Honestly speaking, if you get scolded, apologise, go wash your face, drink some water and get back to work with the mindset to do better. You can’t let these things get to you. You need to have a heart of stone while working here. Keep your feelings at home. You have to be strong in order to survive.” She looked at everyone around the table and smiled softly, “Just remember, you are not alone. We’re a family.”One intern rolled his sleeves and leaned forward. “I feel so much better about this. I was so nervous since I’ve been scolded by the assistant director so many times but I think I can get through this and do better now.” The other interns nodded in agreement. He turned to Misu and said, "Misu-ssi, tell Kim Seokjin-ssi to hang in there. It'll all turn out great!" And the others filled in with a chorus of 'yes' and 'definitely'.Yoongi's assistant looked over and past her group of colleagues, and saw the man still seated beside their table, in earshot. She smiled. The actor's ears were tinted red. She didn't know whether it was because he was embarrassed that they were talking about him or for eavesdropping on their conversation but either way she was glad she tried to clarify a few things over to him, albeit, discreetly.The rest was up to how Kim Seokjin chose to deal with his situation.Kim Seokjin, on the other hand, was convinced Min DOP-nim hated him. He couldn't fathom how that tiny grinning man he met outside the company building could be so cold and ruthless. Having heard the others talk about him with so much respect and awe was making him rethink his judgements about the DOP.Seokjin knew he lacked the skills the team required from him. He was so sure of it and it showed. His insecurities showed on camera. He saw his shot after every scene and he knew he was doing terrible. A part of him knew he could do a lot better but the negative and insecure part of him was overpowering and dousing the simmering confidence inside him. The Director and DOP's anger towards him was justified. He was lucky and glad he got a role even as an extra in a drama directed and written by the powerful, talented Dong Sister-duo, but he wasn't ready for how much things were going to change from then on.He got called to multiple meetings and was told that he was no longer an extra cast and a lot of the script was going to change. He thought he'd hit a jackpot, that the universe was and collecting and focusing all the fortunes of his life to give him that new role. He was ecstatic.When he was finally called for shooting two weeks after the beginning of production and had the DOP, Min Yoongi, hot on his tail, he wasn't so sure if this role was an opportunity or a nightmare.Kim Seokjin was stuck between being scared of fucking up and risking his entire career or slapping himself multiple times to get his shit together because this could propel him forward ten folds in the industry if he did it right.Seokjin felt the bile rise in his throat. He got up hurriedly and brisk-walked towards the men's washroom specifically for the main production crew and cast. He kept his burning red face low, not ready to look anyone in the face yet.As soon as he reached the washroom, he placed his hands on the sink counter and gasped loudly, inhaling deeply, a rough shiver going through his body. Seokjin's face was burning. He splashed some cold water on his face and subconsciously apologised to his makeup artist for running the makeup. Seokjin looked at his reflection in the mirror, his brows furrowed into a frown as he stared at his features. He remembered all the time he was called too pretty. He didn't want to be that. He wanted to show people he was more than his face. He breathed out roughly, blowing water running down his nose and lips along with it.He finally noticed a shadow moving behind him. He locked eyes with the person behind him through the mirror and froze in place.The person took a step forward and walked to the other sink to wash his hands, breaking eye contact with Seokjin.Seokjin continued watching the man through the mirror and straightened himself. He was frozen in place, his mind drawn to a blank. He didn't know what to do. He was embarrassed to know someone saw him having a breakdown. Seokjin wasn't so weak but that week was proving to be so difficult.The man next to him looked at himself in the mirror as he wiped his hands with a paper towel. He glanced sideways at Seokjin who was still looking at him.The second time the man didn't break eye contact, he stared back. The glow from the sink lights illuminated their faces, making their eyes shine and the water dripping down Seokjin's face onto his shirt sparkle.Yoongi tore his eyes away from Seokjin's reflection and looked at Seokjin beside him, studying his face. Seokjin refused to face Yoongi directly, he stared on through the mirror. He didn't know how to react and neither did he want to break eye contact. He felt that if he did that then, it would convey a negative message and that's not what he wants. He does not want rifts with the crew.Yoongi was the first to break eye contact. He didn't say anything, glanced one last time at Seokjin's reflection and walked out.Seokjin couldn't understand what had happened, his mind was still blanked out when he left the washroom towards the makeup room.He was later on told that his scenes for the day were rescheduled and he would receive his new schedule later during the weekend. Rescheduling had left him with a lot of free time.Seokjin sighed in relief. He decided this was life, giving him another chance to get his shit together and do better for the next time. He nodded to himself and got up from his seat in the makeup room. He needed some motivation and practice and he was going to find both in his free time. This time Seokjin was determined. For the next time, Seokjin was going to look at Yoongi, he wanted to be able to smile at him and not feel small like he did today.What Seokjin never realises is that a lot changed after that day. The week that came after, everything was different. Yoongi wasn't his irritated self which motivated Seokjin to do even better. The entire crew was shocked at just how different the atmosphere was and just how good of an actor Seokjin was.Seokjin never sees Yoongi smiling at him behind the camera but all Seokjin knows is that the next time they made eye contact, Seokjin was able to smile at him and feel happy inside. And, again, Seokjin never saw Yoongi panic and walk away beet red in the face.
later - March 2015
"Yoongi-yah! Look at this! Look what I found," Seokjin yelled, excitedly, calling Yoongi who was arranging snacks for their movie time in the kitchen. Yoongi emerged into the living room with a tray stacked with various snacks. He waddled towards the couch and placed the tray down, bending forward to look into Seokjin's phone, to see what he was trying to show.With a look of surprise, Yoongi took a seat next to Seokjin. "Wow, you have this picture? I remember someone taking it but couldn't find who had it. It was you!" Yoongi laughed.Seokjin smiled shyly beside him. "Your assistant that time took it, I asked her to send it to me." Seokjin turned towards his roommate beside him.Seokjin and Yoongi remembered this day very well. It was the second time they spoke to each other. That night was different. That night changed a lot of things between them."I'm so glad I asked for a picture with Min DOP-nim. He was a legend," Seokjin mused. Yoongi frowned, "What do you mean was? I am very much alive!""I thought we wouldn't meet each other again after that drama ended. To me, you were very special. You fuelled the fire that was dying inside me," Seokjin confessed, a small smile on his face, as he recalled the time he saw Yoongi in the washroom right after having a breakdown. He remembered the look Yoongi had given him before leaving. It was a silent challenge to see how Seokjin would handle what was to come later, and where Seokjin was, it wasn't a place for weak people. Seokjin understood that later. When he took his time off and asked a fellow actor for help with his scenes. He'd used the same set that was held up until the next week's shoot. He'd seen people in different departments work. They never stopped. He saw the crew film one scene after another, the ones in the background moving sets, gaffers continuously working on the lights, makeup artists on the go fixing makeups, the assistants running around the set with heaps of papers in their hand with everyone's schedules and scene setups, communicating making sure everything was running smoothly, the interns looked like they hadn't slept the entire week while the Director, DOP and actors brought the scene together.Seokjin knew these people were being paid for doing their job, he knew that at the end of the day it was just about earning a living. Something in him changed that day. He saw the crew work without rest, always on the go, making sure everything was in place, working perfectly. He knew how expensive even an hour's shoot was.These people worked so hard and with so much determination, they didn't even have time to doubt themselves or worry if they would be able to do their job right. The interns didn't have time to think of what-ifs, they couldn't afford to let their insecurities take over.Seokjin was starting to understand where Yoongi's frustration and sternness came from. While Yoongi was dedicated, he was also very compassionate. The entire crew worked as a family. One fuck up from an actor meant all these people had to rework around the mistake and recreate the scene. The world of films was very different from the world of photo shoots he came from.Seokjin understood that people there didn't have the time to pity themselves and be weak. His realisation woke something inside of him, something he had been burying for a long time.He stopped playing nice and shy, he decided to stop hiding behind his amateur mask and go head first and forget about all his what-ifs. Seokjin knew that he wasn't weak, and neither was he untalented. He wanted to show Min Yoongi that he was worth the opportunity and role that was thrown at him. That he was worth every retake and every drop of sweat everyone shed. His comeback into the scene the next week had been a shocker. People couldn't come to term with this new person Seokjin was. It was as if they were meeting him for the first time again. Seokjin tried to cover up his mistakes with adlibs and joked around with everyone to lighten the mood. He didn't think about how people were perceiving him. He just wanted to prove himself, enjoy what he was doing and make people around him laugh and de-stress even a little.Towards the end of his role, Seokjin understood the smile he'd seen on Yoongi's face when he first saw him. "I wonder what it feels like to go to work and still smile like you're the happiest person on Earth." he had thought when he saw Yoongi. Seokjin knew now. Surrounded by people that loved his newer, open and loud personality that complimented him and approached him with smiles. He understood what that smile meant because he felt it on his face too.His character's role ended with a demise in the drama. On the last day on his schedule, he was bidden farewell from the entire cast with gifts and flowers. He was overwhelmed with emotions that day.A few weeks later, he received a call inviting him to the company's drama end dinner party. He was surprised that he was invited. He hadn't expected that.What was even more shocking was Yoongi responding to his dad jokes during the dinner with witty comebacks and laughing. Seokjin discovered that Yoongi had a gummy smile and maybe it was the alcohol in his system that gave him the courage to take a seat beside Min DOP-nim with a pout."DOP-nim, will you take a picture with me?" Seokjin had asked, with a pout on his face.Yoongi had agreed and his then assistant had taken a photo which Seokjin would later pester her to share with him.Yoongi remembered Seokjin softly tell him, "Min Yoongi-ssi? Can I call you that? I want to say thank you."Yoongi was shocked and confused. He couldn't understand why Seokjin was thanking him. He wanted to ask him to explain, he wanted to ask for a lot of things that night, but Seokjin had just smiled shyly and poured him a shot of soju, "For Min Yoongi DOP-nim," he said and downed his own.Seokjin had left soon after and Yoongi wasn't able to ask him anymore.Yoongi smiled at the picture, finally knowing what Seokjin meant that day. "Can you send it to me?" He asked Seokjin as he leaned back onto the cushion.“No,” Seokjin deadpanned. “I had to work so hard to get this picture from your assistant.”Yoongi pouted, “Ah, hyung, who thought you could be so mean?”Seokjin’s mouth hung open, his ears tinted red. “Yah, Yoongichi, how can you make a face like that? You can’t act cute and get whatever you want. It’s unfair.”Yoongi wanted to grin but he pushed his lower lip farther out and blinked, and whined, “Hyung, you’re so mean.”Seokjin looked away. He looked at the ceiling at closed his eyes, his entire face flushed. “You’re going to be the death of me, Min Yoongi,” he thought and shoved his phone towards his roommate. “Take this. You are a menace,” He said and sat up straight, grabbing a snack from the tray and chomping down on it sulkily.Yoongi grinned, transferring the photo to his phone. “We look so young!” He placed Seokjin’s phone aside and discreetly puts their picture as his home screen wallpaper.He opened his can of beer and leaned back with a smile. “Jin-hyung, remember that time when you attacked me outside the set of our first drama? I was so scared, I thought I was getting mugged.”Seokjin whipped his head to Yoongi and studied his face. Only if Seokjin could get any redder, he’d look like a tomato. “Yah, why are you talking about that? We promised never to bring it up,” Seokjin complained.Yoongi grinned cheekily. “Why not, hyung? It’s one of my favourite memories from then. I was so shocked when you rounded me up like that and then wouldn’t stop apologising for scaring me. I thought it was really cute, I still think it is adorable.” Yoongi smiled, losing focus as he stared on at his can of mekju. “You told me you were going to do better. You told me…” Yoongi trailed off, glancing at Seokjin who was looking at him with an unreadable expression. Yoongi turned towards his roommate, unable to stop staring at his gorgeous actor of a roommate. Fuck, he thinks. I am so, so fucked.Yoongi thought back to when Seokjin had popped out of nowhere outside the set where Yoongi had gone off to cool off. It was an overnight shoot and he was functioning on coffee. His mind was muddled with work and he needed fresh air.He hadn’t seen Seokjin approach. He jumped in his skin when he saw a shadow on the ground cast by the shed lights outside. He had flipped around, almost twisting his neck in the process.He was surprised to see Seokjin there. He hadn’t expected the actor to approach him after having been caught hyperventilating in the washroom the other day. Yoongi had felt he had seen something he shouldn’t have. He wanted to apologise but he couldn’t form a sentence. It becomes something of concern only if you make it. He probably doesn’t want it to be acknowledged, he had told himself.Seeing Seokjin’s change a week later had been a shocker for him too. Seokjin was a completely different person. It was strange at first but he saw the same smile he had seen on Seokjin’s face when he first met him and it was slightly relieving that it was still the same person, just… more open.He was thrilled to see how well Seokjin had started to do later on. Yoongi had to admit the guy was good and knew what he was doing. He wondered why Seokjin wasn’t like this from the start. Yoongi was itching to ask but he knew it wasn’t his business to ask anyway.Seokjin approaching him was surprising. He had a frown set on his face and looked visibly nervous.“DOP-nim, uh, I should’ve asked your assistant before coming to you but, I saw you walk out for a break so I thought… I could speak to you for a bit?” Seokjin said nervously, licking his drying lips. “You don’t have to say anything, just listen to this. I’ll be quick.” Seokjin then made eye contact with Yoongi, determination taking over. His posture changed. He was no longer hunched or frowning, he had this look over his face that told Yoongi that Seokjin was being serious about whatever he wanted to talk about.Yoongi fully turned towards him and nodded, words failing him once again.“I know I’ve made things very difficult so far for you and the crew but I’m working on myself. I want to do better. I want to deliver the performance I was hired for. I hope you look at me with an open-mind from now on. I promise I’ll do much better. I hope you don’t harbour any distaste towards me from before. I don’t want DOP-nim to hate me. Please, give me another chance to do better for you. I know I can do well, and I want to show you I can. That’s all I wanted to say and,” Seokjin pulled out something from his pocket, “I know everyone’s been fuelled on coffee so I wanted you to have this. Coffee on an empty stomach is bad for health.” He extended his hands towards Yoongi and continued, “Ah, I am not bribing you with this, I just wanted to… give it to you?” Seokjin didn’t sound sure himself. “You don’t have to accept this.”Yoongi simple stares on, his mouth hung open. He didn’t know how to respond. He was embarrassed. I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. Oh my god, he thinks I hate him. Two words kept going around in his head and he couldn’t think past them.Do better for you, he said. Do better, for me? For me? Yoongi had felt his face heating up. Words completely failing him. Say something, Yoongi! Seokjin’s face had fallen and Yoongi couldn’t understand why. He frowned and then looked at the hand Seokjin was retreating slowly. He understood immediately and mentally chided himself.Yoongi quickly brought his hand forward, and Seokjin paused in his movement looking back up at Yoongi. He smiled and placed the kimbap he bought into Yoongi’s hand.“Thank you,” Yoongi managed. Seokjin had smiled. Yoongi wanted to quickly grab his camera and take a picture of him right then. The harsh glow of the shed light’s illuminating Seokjin’s face and pale dry lips as he smiled, at Yoongi. Yoongi swooned inwardly. He’s smiling at me. That’s a smile meant for me! He thought.Yoongi extended his other hand that was holding a water bottle towards Seokjin and smiled in return. “Drink up. Stay hydrated.” He had said and quickly walked back into the shed before Seokjin noticed him blushing.Yoongi sighed deeply at the memory. He wondered how different their life and friendship would’ve been if Yoongi chose to do certain things differently. What if he had chickened out when Seokjin had approached him and asked him out for a few drinks? What if Yoongi had said something different back then? What if he had asked Seokjin if that was a date? What if he hadn’t asked Seokjin to join him for a casual dinner? How would things be different? Should he have risked it without knowing whether Seokjin was into men or not?He thought of these thoughts often. He couldn’t help these thoughts come back to him then too while he was staring at Seokjin, words failing him once again.Yoongi sometimes underestimated his influence in the industry. When he saw Seokjin reaching heights in his career, he was afraid he was going to lose this one person he held dearly to his heart to the industry. He was elated to see Seokjin fulfilling his dreams but Yoongi had lost a few friends to the industry and he didn’t know if he was ready to see Seokjin go.Seokjin was an immediate hit after his first drama. He’d won an award as an emerging actor and landed a main lead role for his next drama. It wasn’t uncommon for rookie actors getting big roles right off the bat but it was a rarity. And, Seokjin was a rarity. He had won a few awards for his leading role too and that’s when it started. The new drama and movie proposals, endless advertisement and promotional contracts, and photo-shoots. Yoongi hadn’t seen Seokjin for a month after his first ad-film shooting began, and Yoongi thought Seokjin was going to slip right through his hands.To Yoongi’s surprise, a few weeks later, he found Seokjin at his door looking ridiculous in beach attire, holding a big basket in one hand and leaning on his doorframe on the other wearing expensive-looking sunglasses and a straw hat.“Want to go fishing with me, babe?” Seokjin had said in a sultry voice, using his busy hand holding the basket to awkwardly shift his sunglasses downwards for a dramatic effect.“You look ridiculous,” was the first thing Yoongi had said and burst out laughing. He wouldn’t admit it but the words had lingered at the back of his mind, which he would, later on, think about a lot, think about how much he liked having Seokjin call him babe.And, Yoongi knew, he’d been expecting it coming. He knew it was coming. He had looked up at the starry sky and closed his eyes, listened to the steady hum of the car in the background as he focused on the pattern of Seokjin’s breathing beside him.It didn’t hit him like a truck, it came to him in slow waves. He felt like he was moving with it. The current was strong, he felt pulled in, and there was nothing he could do to get out of it. He didn’t try. He let the waves carry him willingly, he let them wash over him, take him in and later throw him out onto the shore, legs meeting sand.Yoongi had opened his eyes and looked beside him, at Seokjin. His love for Seokjin had come in small waves, and then big waves, carried him over when he gave himself up to the feeling and instead of drowning in it, he was pushed onto the shore, on firm ground.He studied Seokjin’s face. Seokjin was a lot of things to Yoongi. His roommate, his best friend, his fishing buddy, sometimes his co-worker, sometimes his model. There wasn’t a single aspect in Yoongi’s life that Seokjin wasn’t a part of. Seokjin came as a huge support in Yoongi’s life. Seokjin was the wave that carried him to the shore when all Yoongi wanted was to fall into the waves. Seokjin kept Yoongi grounded.Yoongi smiled softly, tears brimming his eyes, overwhelmed with his feelings. I’m so, so fucked, he had thought. I fucking love him.
December 2019
Hoseok and Yoongi were out for dinner. Hoseok had said he was craving some jajangmyeon and Yoongi was feeling lazy to cook dinner that day so they went out. It was a nice change, Yoongi had admitted to Hoseok.“Speaking of change, hyung,” Hoseok said, gulping his food. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”Yoongi nodded, asking Hoseok to continue. Hoseok frowned for a second, trying to think how he should phrase his sentence. “Have you...” Hoseok cleared his voice and continued, “Did you ever meet this Jin guy after you two broke up?” He asked.Yoongi was surprised. He hadn’t expected Hoseok to take interest in his love life, or whatever was left of it and outright ask… questions. Yoongi places his chopsticks on the table and looked down, contemplating. He could tell Hoseok he didn’t want to talk about it or answer his simple question. It made sense why Hoseok was so curious about Jin especially when Yoongi only ever fed him bread crumbs of information about his previous relationship.“We… did meet a few times,” Yoongi answered.Hoseok shook his head, “No, I mean recently, in the past year.”Yoongi looked up, frowning. “No…”“Did you see him somewhere recently?” He asked“No,” Yoongi replied, honestly. “I haven’t seen him or met him for three years.” Yoongi didn’t even have to count on his fingers.Hoseok nodded and didn’t ask any further which had left Yoongi more confused than ever.“Why do you ask?” Yoongi questioned.Hoseok looked Yoongi in the eye and smiled, a smile that did not quite reach his eye. “Just curious.”And they never spoke about Jin or their relationship after that.
Present Day – January 2020
Hoseok sat down on the sofa next to Yoongi, pretending to be bust on his phone while his roommate watched something on the TV.“Hey, Yoonie-hyung,” Hoseok called. Yoongi hummed in reply, telling Hoseok he was listening. “Have you…” Hoseok hesitated for a second but continued, “Have you ever considered dating, or meeting new people in the past… few years?”Yoongi froze in his seat and robotically turned towards Hoseok, trying very hard to keep a neutral face. “What do you mean?”Hoseok sighed. He had to get to the point because if he spoke in circles, Yoongi would take advantage and reply in circles to his questions too. “Did you ever consider or try pursuing other people after you broke up with Jin?”Yoongi tiled his head, his expression blank, “Why do you ask? Why are you suddenly so curious? I thought you didn’t give a fuck?” Yoongi’s voice had deepened, it happened when he got serious.“I do give a fuck, hyung.” Hoseok frowned, “I give a fuck about you and your welfare.”Yoongi’s eyes widened. “My welfare?”“I’m probably crossing a line right now, but fuck, I don’t care because if this is the only to get you to talk about it then so fucking be it.” Hoseok didn’t mean to get angry, he wanted to speak to Yoongi calmy, not scare him and push him away.Yoongi opened his mouth to reply and closed it immediately. He looked away, “Why now, Hoseok?” He asked softly.“I thought, you would get over it. I thought you needed more time and space. I thought, I thought you’d be okay,” Hoseok answered, softly, hurt tinging his voice. “You’re not okay. I can’t look the other way when I see you brooding over soju. I can’t look the other way when I see you cry sometimes when you’re watching a drama, I don’t understand why maybe it’s something that triggers you or something that’s happening in it that reminded you of him.“I hate it. I hate seeing you suffer. I asked you the other day and you told me you hadn’t seen him for years!” Hoseok took Yoongi’s hand in his, gently rubbing hid thumbs over his fingers. He continued, softly, “Hyung, Jin was a long time ago. You need to move on. You need to put him where he belongs, in the past and move forward.”Yoongi looked up, tears in his eyes. He looked sad. It broke Hoseok’s heart to see his hyung looking so miserable and vulnerable, looking so hurt and broken. Hoseok tightened his hand around Yoongi’s. “Hoseok,” Yoongi breathed. “Hoseok, I don’t know how to move on.”They talked about it. Yoongi told Hosoek how he was feeling, how it hurt every time he thought of Jin, how everything reminded him of Jin.“He was my best friend, Hobi. We were such good friend for so long and then…” Yoongi sobbed head hung low. “And then we weren’t. My… my world fell apart. He was everything to me.” Yoongi was breathing heavily and loudly. “He… kept me grounded, you know? He-” And, Yoongi couldn’t stop crying. He clung on to Hoseok’s shirt and wept.Yoongi doesn’t remember how long they were sat like that for, in each other’s embrace as Hoseok rubbed his back and whispered to him softly. Yoongi couldn’t hear what Hoseok was saying but he was glad to hear his voice, serving as a distraction, helping him steady his breathing.What felt like a lifetime later, Hoseok had left the room saying he’d be right back. Yoongi was staring at his fingers, poking at his cuticles when a small piece of cardboard filled his line of view,Yoongi looked up to a nervous-looking Hoseok. “I don’t know, hyung. I don’t know if this will help, but I want you to consider it.”Yoongi took the paper from Hoseok’s hand which turned out to be a visiting card. Yoongi looked back at Hoseok, seeing the worry and care written all over his face. Yoongi breathed in. It was long due. Yoongi knew it was long overdue. He sighed and nodded at Hoseok.Hoseok relaxed visible and ran his fingers through Yoongi’s hair and scratched his scalp gently. Yoongi closed his eyes to the feeling and hummed. “Let’s get you to be, hyung.” Hoseok said, and Yoongi didn’t remember anything after that. He was taken into dreams of beautiful laughter and memories of the past. Yoongi sobbed in his sleep that night.Yoongi woke up the next day and fumbled around his pockets for the card of the therapist Hoseok had given him the previous night. He realised last night was real and Hoseok had meant what he said.He flipped the card over for the number and email address. Yoongi sighed, ran his fingers through his messy bed hair. “I’ll go for one session. Maybe two. What’s the worst that could happen?” Yoongi told himself and sighed once more.