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When Steve and the kids arrived back at the Byers house, they expected to find Joyce and Will or somebody else already there. The house was empty. Nobody had made it back before them, even if the drive from the pumpkin patch had been long because Steve had forbidden Max to drive the car again. He had drove even if his head was spinning and his vision was blurry, it had took them fifteen minutes more than normal. Billy was nowhere to be seen. Steve didn’t know what he would have done if he had found the boy still there, on the floor of Mrs Byers’s kitchen. The kids were loud as ever, talking about how they defeated all that bunch of demodogs and how the tunnels had tried to trap them all in. Steve seated on the couch too tired to stand. They waited for almost forty-five minutes, but nobody had shown at the door. Mike was visibly growing anxious every passing minute. Max was curled up with Lucas on the couch near Steve and Dustin, which seemed the only one with enough energy to speak out loud. But Steve knew better, the kid needed to fill the silence because he was afraid of it. Suddenly a figure came in, Steve had just the time to stand up, without passing out from the concussion, to be face to face with a really scared Billy Hargrove. The boy was panting hard and his clothes were torn on the sleeves. All the kids jumped up scared for the appearance, Steve put himself between them and Hargrove in a protective way even if he very aware that he was in no state to take any another hit from Billy.“Out there ! …..There are……There are…… Monsters ! Real Monsters !” Billy was shouting and taking big breaths between the words. The young company paled in an instant.“What do you mean Hargrove ?” Steve asked, hearing his own voice shake.Billy didn’t have the time to answer that Will’s radio turned on. Mike went straight to answer.“We are here ! Do you copy ?” He said in the microphone.“Get out of there now ! Drive north, you will be safe there, they are coming !” Hopper voice was serious. Than the signal went out. Mike was in trans, he hadn’t have even the time to reply.In that moment Steve regained some mind clarity.“We take my car ! Take some long last food, blankets and the first aid kit, I’ll take the fuel can in the back, we have no time !” He shouted.They all gathered the needed things, Dustin took a pan too and Lucas the bed pillows. Mike took the radio and the toolbox. Billy helped with the food even if he didn’t know what they were doing. Steve ran towards his car with the nailed bat, Everyone followed him. The kids were in the back, Billy in the front seat and all the gathered things in everyplace they fitted. Steve hit the pedal and after a second they were spreading on the road. The kids turned all back to see, maybe for the last time, that little house which had become so important for them in the last months. Steve looked at it too on the rear-view mirror. They were leaving Hawking, the city where he had lived till now, he had everything there, his whole life belonged to that unlucky bunch of houses. A tear slipped from his eye, but nobody saw it, most because some of his cuts were still bleeding. Nobody tried to say a word, even Dustin stayed quiet, but Steve could see that everyone was crying. They had just lost everything: family, friends, house, all their things, all was gone now. Steve drove for hours, without finding anybody on the road, till the weariness took over him. After the meeting with an angry Hargrove, a strange pain had grew into his head, like he had a very serious migraine. They were already far away from their city, when his vision started to blurry and he made a sliding with the car. Everybody screamed, luckily Billy took the steering wheel before it was too late.“Dammit Harrington ! Let me drive before you kill us all !” Billy’s voice was rasp and angry. Steve was so tired and nauseated, he had just the time to stop the car and climb out that he retched a few meters away from the car door. It was painful, his head felt like exploding. Billy just commented with a generic : disgusting.He limped in the front seat, put his sore and swollen head on the cold window and immediately fell asleep.
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At first they still prayed to come back home soon but when Billy turned on the radio in every station there was the same program or better a voice who was explaining that a military confine had been put all around Indiana and that the states were being evacuated in others countries. It seemed that the upside down had spread like a contagious illness.They didn’t encounter anybody, it seemed that the whole America had been moved in just a few hours when they had tried to close the gate. Billy was afraid that they couldn’t pass the new frontier anymore, they were the last people in Indiana still alive. This meant that they had to arrive in a safe country like Alaska, too cold for the toothed flowers as Mike was sustaining. They never stopped once, Billy drove till the sun came up. They were far away from Hawking, but the fuel was finishing they just had the can that Steve had took from the house.
After sometime Billy spotted a service area near the street, the kind of one that provide you with a good breakfast and a full trunk. He needed coffee and maybe a shift with Steve, who was still sleeping; also the kids, that were now fully awake and demanding for food and a quick stop to the restroom.He parked, the place was isolated, there was just the street and these vast fields all around. He climbed out of the car stretching his back. The kids followed him. “Max ! Wake Steve up so that he can help us !” She just nodded and went to the front door.The others were all looking for food in the little bar, as Billy expected there was nobody there so they could easily take everything they wanted. It wasn’t stealing anymore, they were just trying to survive. He was eating a slice of the only cake in the fridge when he heard Max scream. They all rushed outside.Steve was laying motionless on the asphalt, his legs were still in the car like he had fallen from the car seat, his arms were spread like the one of a fallen doll.“I don’t know what happened ! I just opened the door and he fell down… he is not waking up !” She cried.Now in daylight, Billy could really see the real damage he had done to Steve face. He was a mess, dried blood, bruises, cuts, a broken nose and swollen meat was all he could see.
The kids were horrified by the sight of Steve’s conditions. Billy kneeled beside the boy, to check on him. “He is breathing !” He announced and everybody breathed a sigh of relief. So he tried to shake the smaller boy a bit without causing more damage, but Steve didn’t respond. He seemed dead. Panic took over Billy : why wasn’t he waking up ? Had Billy punched him too hard ? How long he had been unconscious ? Billy turned gently Steve broken head, there was a big swelling on the back, probably where Billy had hit him with the plate and where Steve had hit the head on the floor while Billy punched him. There was dried blood too on the back of his hairs. “Give me the first aid kit, now !” He shouted still in panic.Dustin had already brought it. Billy tried his best to disinfect the cuts and clean the mess he had done, but all he could do was bandaging tight Steve’s head. The boy didn’t stir a muscle in the whole process, and it made Billy worry even more. This was bad, it was a bad concussion. He tried to remember all the places where he had hit Steve. He lifted the grey pullover to reveal a big blue and purple bruise on his right ribs. He wasn’t sure if he had done it or something else, but it still looked painful.At the end of the bandaging procedure, Billy lifted the unconscious boy and put him back in the car, in the same position as before just in the back. The kids helped him to put a pillow under his head and cover him with one of Mrs Byers wool blankets. They all restored quickly with the food and the water in the bar. Billy loaded some water cans in the trunk, he spotted some cans of soup and took them too. They kind of emptied the bar. Mike found a gun under the cash desk and gave it to Billy, if there were monsters out there, they will need something more than a nailed bat.Billy was really tired and the street seemed to be easy and linear, so he asked Max to drive for some hours while he would have took a nap in the back. She accepted and Lucas went to seat in the front to keep her company. Dustin was looking to Steve intensely like he would have woke him up from a moment to another. Poor kid, Billy though, he didn’t know that Steve could not wake up if he had a concussion, which was an high probability. Billy shoot the thought out of his mind, yet he had to admit that a this serious concussion, without a proper care like the hospital, could just be that case. First they had to treat it as soon as possible not hours after, and second they shouldn’t have let him sleep. It was all Billy’s fault, the Californian boy thought. He fell asleep with the picture of Steve laying on the floor, like dead.
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Steve didn’t woke up in the next three days. When Mike tried to mention the fact that he could be brain dead, everybody had shushed him. Dustin out of the most was always crying. It was hard for the kid to admit that he could not have been able to see Steve again and talk to him. At the end of the day Max had exploded to Billy, saying that it was all his fault and that Steve was probably dead because of Billy’s anger. The older boy found that days the hardest, he had to cope with a bunch of kids whose names were still a mystery for him, his sister was accusing him of murder (she had a point there, he had tried to kill Steve) and a same age boy who was in a coma. He wasn’t prepared for all that but he had to take control of the young company or it will be their death. They had drove north without stopping for another day, then they couldn’t sleep in the car anymore, they stopped just for the night and for supplies. It was hard to sleep in abandoned places in the beginning of the winter, it was freezing cold, but it was all they could do. They had listed precise thigs that needed to be avoided to be ate or attacked by demodogs :-no music-no light at night-no heat-no noises or screams too loud-no fresh meat-always someone that kept watchingBilly had tried to organise the party giving to each one a specific chore. The tasks were always easy but kept the kids distracted from their misfortune for some time. The real problem was Steve. Billy didn’t know anything about medicine, even if he had nursed his own wounds as long as he could remember, but a concussion this severe was hard to think about doing something. He had no clue how to make him better. He didn’t wanted anybody around the sick boy, only him had to help the brunette. The kids didn’t need a broken person under their eyes too. Every day that passed Steve’s conditions only got worse. He started to had a fever that was eating him inside. Billy had even took some medicines, but the hardest part was giving them to him. Steve hadn’t drank or ate since the night of the Byers house, and this was just making things more difficult. Billy had tried to make him drink some water and to feed him a tomato soup, but it was futile. It was more the liquid that got out than the one that he actually shallowed. It pained Billy so much seeing Steve in that condition because he lost control over himself. All he wished for is those big doe eyes to open again. At some point Billy decided to bring Steve to sleep with him, he needed to feel that frail body and the slowly lifting of the chest. Steve was Billy’s responsibility. He looked after him everyday and for the simplest tasks that he couldn’t do anymore like dressing himself, wash his face or eat. All this was Billy’s remorse. He was afraid that Steve would have died for the damage he had done to his brain. Days passed and the young company was trying to find a place to spend the night. Steve had been sick with an high fever for 5 days now and it was obvious that he needed to rest. They couldn’t simply sleep in the car or outside because it was raining hard. They were all tired and the kids seemed sick too. Travelling for so long in a little car in six with all their things wasn’t really comfortable. They found a small and old house outside a little village. The house seemed abandoned, in the kitchen there was a stove, and even if everybody was trembling for the cold they couldn’t warm the room or they could have been spotted by the demogorgons. They loved cold places but human not really, so it was easy to find them if they stayed in warm places for a plant.
The young company moved all the mattresses in one room and slept all curled up together. It was the best they could do. Usually there was somebody looking out for signs of the upside down, but today it was impossible. They were all tired and sad. Nobody wanted to speak about the others left at Hawking, it was too painful.Billy, that night, had difficulties to sleep (like in the last week) Steve was really bad, and he was afraid that he could have died soon if he didn’t get any better. He hadn’t talked about this to anybody. He was too afraid himself. The boy laying next to him was cold as ice, pale as snow, breathing slowly. Billy had noticed how light Steve had become, he was losing weight rapidly. Billy spent the night sleeping just for few hours and then getting up to check on Steve. He was pretty tired so at some point in the middle of the night he was falling asleep again when he felt a hand touch his.
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When Steve woke up again he opened tiredly his eyes. He didn’t recognise the place, it was dark and cold like the upside down, but it didn’t have those roots and the air was good. He felt like shit, everything in his body was hurting especially his head and it seemed that ice had penetrated his body. He tried to turn his head, but it hurt like hell and felt so hard to do so. After some time he was face to face with a certain Billy fucking Hargrove. Steve now could remember what had happened so now where were they ?He wanted to ask Billy even if the boy seemed tired too and waking him up could have made him angry, but when he tried to use his voice just didn’t came out. His mouth was dry and it hurt to do so, but he needed to know that the kids were fine and that nothing had happened to them. He shifted his hand up near his pillow where Billy’s hand was.Moving his arm felt like holding a one hundred weight, everything was so heavy, even so he touched Billy, who immediately woke up like he wasn’t really sleeping. His eyes seemed surprised and joyful at the same time. “Steve ?” He said in a voice that Steve had never heard him use. He tried to call his name, instead he just started to cough. “You are awake ?! Wait don’t strain yourself !” Billy took a bottle of water and with a gentle touch he held Steve’s head up and made him drink some. It felt like drinking ice for Steve but it was a good kind of pain, at least he could whisper something now.“….Where….?” “Doesn’t matter, we are safer now. Away from that place” Billy lied.“…..Kids…..?” “They are ok, don’t worry about them ! You should instead about yourself !”Steve didn’t understand why Billy said such a thing he had just slept for some hours and now they had stopped to sleep in better conditions. Billy seemed to read his face because he said :“Steve, I don’t know how to say this…. You have been out for some time….”“…..How……much……?”“Eight days”Steve was shocked. Billy was playing a prank on him, it was impossible. They had just left Hawking, he couldn’t have slept for eight whole days ! It was impossible, right ?“It’s my fault. I……gave you a concussion and…..well it was pretty bad….I’m sorry it’s all my fault !”What was Billy talking about ? He didn’t give him a concussion….he had just punched him on the face…... Oh ! Steve thought. Billy wasn’t joking with him, he was being honest.“You cold ?” Billy asked suddenly making Steve realise that he was actually shaking like mad.“…..yeah…..”Billy pulled him closer and hugged the smaller boy with his strong arms. Steve didn’t expected such a thing and he became all red, but it felt good to feel the warm from another person. His eyes started to close on their own, he was exhausted after all.“No ! Don’t fall asleep !” “…..Why……?”“What if you don’t wake up again ? I can’t take it any longer Steve ! The kids can’t !”“…..I’m…..fine……just…..tired…..let……me……sleep…..”Billy didn’t responded immediately, he seemed to value what to say.“Promise me that you will wake up !”Steve was surprised by this, but he was too tired to argue.“…..Promise…..”“Ok” With that Billy pulled him even closer against his hot body, welcoming his hurting head against his chest. It felt a bit embarrassing, but Steve needed some warm up.Billy woke him up some hours later, he wasn’t feeling any better, actually he was feeling worse. Now that he was fully awake he could feel the fever and the migraine he had. He could have screamed for the pain in his mind, but the kids were there and he didn’t wanted to worry them more. Dustin had launched himself to hug Steve as soon as he had pulled himself up in a seating position.“Steve ! We were so scared that Billy might have killed you…you didn’t woke up in eight days man !” He said.Max was the next one to hug Steve, then Lukas and in the end Mike too. They were all crying hard. “I’m sorry guys, I’m ok now ! Nothing happened to me !” He held them close. They stayed like that for some time till Billy gave a fake cough to interrupt the moment.“Sorry to bring you down but we have to get going. We can’t stay here !”He was right, they had to go north and reach a safe place soon. All the kids pulled away and started to gather all their things. Steve wanted to help them, but when he tried to get up he found that his legs weren’t sustaining his body. He had to bent on the wall, but his body was too weak and dizzy so he just fell down. Dustin and Max were already freaking out, but someone was faster than them :“Steve ! Oi ? You ok ?” It was Billy, who was now helping Steve to seat up.“Yeah I’m fine….I just slipped on…..something…..” Steve lied.Billy seemed to read his mind, and put a hand on Steve burning forehead before the sick boy could stop him.“Your fever is still pretty high, you should lay down”“……I’m fine…..” Steve lied again.“Yeah sure, just don’t move till we have gathered everything than I’ll help you up !”Steve couldn’t even reply that Billy was already walking away from him. He was feeling like a little child, who have to be helped to do everything. It was frustrating. When they had took all their luggage, Billy pulled Steve up, he actually carried him into the car because he was too weak.“Thanks !” Steve tried, but Billy didn’t replied. He went to the driver seat and turned on the engine.“I think that we had put in the blue bag some bread and other food, so if we want to have breakfast in the car it’s all right !” Billy said to the kids, but in reality was hoping that Steve could eat something after so many days of just water.
In fact Steve was feeling hungry, but at the same time the thought of eating made his stomach lurch. He didn’t reply. The kids started to devour the food they had found.“Steve ! You need to eat too ! You must be famished !” That was Dustin always worrying about his "big brother". Steve had grown affection for that curly kid and didn’t wanted to let him down, so he took some bread.
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It didn’t took a lot of time for the food to make a reappearance. Steve had just eaten two slices of bread when he had felt nauseated. The feeling had grown till he couldn’t hold it down anymore. He had asked urgently to stop the car. Billy at first hadn’t understood why, but when he had seen the conditions Steve was in, he had hit the brakes. Steve had kind of climbed off the car and slouched on the asphalt with his arms and legs for a few meters, thanks to adrenaline, then he threw up.He could hear the kids shocked voices and the car door opening, but he couldn’t hide from their eyes.When he finally finished, Billy carefully pulled him up.“You ok ?” Billy was handing him a bottle of water.“Yeah….Thanks….”“We can look for some kind of medicine or pills when we get in the next town. You look pretty bad.”“I’m fine it’s just eating in the car…..” Steve knew that he had never ever had problems of this kind, but couldn’t bring himself to say that. Billy didn’t seem to buy it, but he didn’t say anything.During the trip, the kids told Steve everything that had happened when he was out. They had spotted some demodogs in the first city after Hawking, than nothing anymore, just empty places. They told him how Mike had tried to explain how it all started with the help of Lucas and Dustin.Steve wanted to asked if they had news about the others… about Will, Nancy, Joyce, Hopper, El, Jonathan; but he was too afraid that they couldn’t really give him an answer. He, himself didn’t wanted to think that something might have happened to them, maybe they hadn’t had enough time to escape. Maybe they were travelling north like they were or maybe they were fighting in Hawking like Steve had already done.The kids had tried to use the radio to communicate with them, multiples times, but nobody never answered. They stopped in a little village, the afternoon to put fuel in the car and to take some food, clothes and blankets because every passing day was getting colder and colder and their clothes weren’t keeping the necessary warmth. They passed some hours “stealing” in the city hall, Billy was always looking out for troubles, he had a gun. They went towards Steve’s car with all the gathered things. Steve noticed how small the vehicle was for them. They needed something bigger and maybe faster than his old BMW.Steve was attached to his car, he had worked an entire summer to buy it even if it was old and used. He had put it back together with so many days of manual work, but in the end it had become his car. It was one of the few things that he had bought without his parents money. It belonged to Steve ! But now, it was a different matter, they needed a bigger car.“We should take a bigger car !” He commented.Billy seemed a bit shocked about his comment, but had to agree.“And where do you think we can find a bigger car ?” Asked Lucas with enthusiasm in his eyes.“I don’t know but in a bigger city there must be a place where they sell big cars…” “And how do we take it ?”“How we took this !” Steve said showing the cookies packet they had just stole.“Yeah ok, but we don’t have the keys, right ? So how do we drive the car ?” Steve didn’t know how to answer to that, he wasn’t a science genius. “We’ll find a way !” Billy answered for him.They didn’t stopped for the night, Billy continued to drive till the sun came up. Steve had argued with him because he needed to rest too, but he didn’t wanted to let Steve drive because he was still sick. So the brunette had tried to stay awake to keep him company, but he was really exhausted and after a few hours he had fell asleep like the kids. The next morning they arrived in a big city, that was the perfect place to steal a car. They drove on its deserted streets with the hope to find still someone, but there were signs of demogorgons.
After some time they entered the commercial part of the town. There were all kinds of shops with the Christmas decoration still up. At the end of the street there was a place with every kind of car. As soon as they entered they could smell something rotting, but nobody commented on it. They tried different cars, but no one had all the right characteristics. Then Billy had spotted a new jeep. It was a jeep wagoneer. It was big, high, with a lot of space and the engine was probably really good too. That was perfect, they just needed the keys. Steve and Billy went to see where the office was, probably they had all the keys of the exposed cars in the same place. Unfortunately the horrible smell was coming from there. As soon as Billy opened the door the air became full of rotting meat smell. Now it was obvious that there was something or probably someone dead there. Someone that had had their same thought. As soon as Steve saw the decomposing body of the man he threw up. Billy was pale and on the verge to puke too. The corpse was right in front of a opened cupboard. It had probably been locked, but now it was open with some keys that had fallen down on the floor. They started to search for it. Steve was running low when finally he spotted one of the keys on the floor, it was certainly of their car. The tag gave him the assurance, so they ran out of that room which smelled of death.“You ok ?” Billy asked a bit uncertain himself.“Kind of......You ?”“I’ll survive !”“We are not safe here ! We should go back to the kids !”They loaded the new car and drove out of that cursed town. The sky was grey and soon it started snowing. Neither Steve or Billy told the kids what they had found in that room. Billy was driving very fast, it was obvious that the new vehicle was perfect and stronger than Steve’s BMW.Steve was in the back, from there he could see how interested seemed Lucas. He was watching with great passion how Billy was driving. It was pretty obvious that he would have loved to learn how to drive. Mike was on the front, looking out of the window in a depressed way. Steve thought : I have to speak with that boy, before it’s too late.
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The snow had covered all. Everything was white and black, it was like to be in a sketch book of an artist. It was beautiful and deadly at the same time like a flower with teeth. Billy was acting strangely, he was avoiding Steve and all the others. It was a pain in the ass because every time they had to do something and needed his help, he was always rude and not really open. Steve didn’t understand why he was behaving like that, just a few days ago he had took care of him, and now he was being a dork. The blonde and the red head did have similar personalities, so they were always at eachothers neck. Max was becoming more and more nervous about his rudeness then one day she just blow up.They were eating, the food was ok, but they didn’t have a lot of water. They needed to find a way to get it or soon they would have been out.
Max was giving a bottle to Lucas, but it slipped from her hand and the thing fell down and the precious water flowed out, probably because it was so cold that they had lost sensibility on their fingers.“Fuck Sinclair ! You waste water now ? What the fuck is wrong with you ?” Billy shouted making all the kids and Steve jump up.“He didn’t do anything ! Billy ! The bottle slipped from my hand ! I made it fall !!!” Max screamed.“You are just protecting him ! Stay out of this Maxine ! And about you Sinclair, Stay away from her !!!”At this point Max got up and throw the semi empty bottle to Billy who got himself wet.“I hate you ! I hope you would die with the demogorgons !” She cried out of frustration. Billy got up too at that point and was launching towards her with fire in his eyes, but Steve put himself between them.“Billy ! Calm down ! Please ! You don’t want to do that, please trust me !”Billy still advanced like a machine with his punches hard and ready to kill something or better someone. So Steve took his hands and tried to calm him down.“Get out” He whispered to the kids. They went out without a word.Billy shouted and shouted and punched Steve on the stomach, Steve just let him vent his anger, he knew that it was the only way. It took them fifteen good minutes to finally recompose their self. Billy had been out of himself, and when he looked at Steve, he started to cry. He had punched hard the other boy, but Steve had just kept hugging him. There was blood coming out of his nose and is lip was broken. When Steve could feel that Billy’s muscles weren’t tensed anymore, he let go the long hug. His ribs were aching bad, but Steve knew better: the pain that Billy was in was much more.“I always ruin everything ! I want to protect her, but all I can do it’s hurt people” Billy sobbed like a little child.“I know that you are hurting inside, I know also that you can be better than this. You are better than this !”“I can’t, she would probably be better off me !”“No ! She needs you ! Now more than ever ! She had lost everything Billy, you are the only one that she still have ! Don’t take this away from her !”Steve hugged again Billy with all the strength he had and this time Billy hugged back. They stayed like that for some time, till Dustin voice interrupted them.“Steve !!!! Billy !!!” he sounded scared.“What’s wrong Dustin ?” Steve asked with apprehension building up.“Max ! She…. She ran away !!”Both Steve and Billy paled in an instant. It was pretty late in the night in a little village and it was snowing again.“We need to find her as soon as possible !” Steve shouted.They went outside, luckily there were still some traces of her, but if it kept snowing like it no one would have been able to find where she went. They went all together, looking out for any sign. They screamed all night her name. After three hours nothing, it was like she had transformed in a snow flake and had flight away. It was becoming pretty cold and they were all tired and numb. They were going back again when Steve heard a distant sobbing. He ran as fast as he could. Under a canopy of an house, he found Max. She was trembling like a leaf and crying like a puppet. Steve took his own jacket and made her wear it. Then he carried her in the torment where the others were waiting for him. Billy took out his jacket too and let her wear it. They went back like that. At some point Max fell asleep.She was all right, not even a fever. Billy went to sleep near her, but Steve known that he wouldn’t have closed one eye. They were all exhausted, Steve was feeling like shit, but didn’t say anything, he understood that they didn’t needed somebody sick in that moment.In the morning he felt worse than before, it was like the cold had penetrated his bones and now wasn’t leaving him be. He was pretty sure to have a fever, but they had others problems now. All the kids were sleeping peacefully, so Steve tried to get up. It was hard because he had a strong migraine, but he made it to a chair.He just wanted to go back to sleep when Billy got up too and went to seat next to him.“Thanks for what you did yesterday, I own you”“No worries” Steve cut short because even speaking was painful.“Can I ask you a favour ?”“Yeah”“Can you teach me how to be liked by them ?” He pointed to the kids. The question was unexpected, strange from Billy Hargrove.“I can try to give you advices”“Ok….and…..”“For example you should apologise to Lucas not just because of yesterday, but that night at the Byers house too”“What should I say ? Every time I try to speak to him, I……I get blocked….”“Well I think that Lucas really want to learn how to drive and every secret of the car, you could teach him…”“You sure ?”“Yep”“What about Max ?”“She needs time, she needs to see that you have changed. If you can make it up with Lucas, She will forgive you !”Billy seemed happy about the advices, Steve on the other hand had to take his throbbing head between his hands. It was so painful like something was eating his nervous cells. “You ok ?” Billy voice seemed far faraway from him.
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Billy seemed happy about the advices, Steve on the other hand had to take his throbbing head between his hands. It was so painful like something was eating his nervous cells.“You ok ?” Billy voice seemed far far away from him.
It was a moment, he wasn’t in control of his own body anymore, it was like seeing from somebody else eyes. He fell down on the floor before Billy could catch him. He wasn’t moving, all he felt was pain, intense pain all through his head. It felt like is brain was compressing on the skull that was about to explode. He was deaf but not blind, he could see Billy freaking out in front of him even so he couldn’t hear what he was saying. He would have screamed for the malady.The attack didn’t lasted long, maybe thirty seconds or one minute, for Steve it felt like hours. When it ended he was breathless and even more exhausted than before. Well at least the pain was gone and it had been replaced just with a normal headache.“Oi ! Oi !! Steve !” Billy, kneeled, was trying to get him up, but it was obvious that he was afraid to touch him. Maybe he thought to hurt him more.“....I….M….fin….” He said gasping.“What the hell was that ? Are you hurt ?”“...N...no….”“Steve…you are not ok...what’s happening to you ?” Billy saw that Steve couldn’t tell himself too.“Where does it hurt ?”Steve looked at him with glassy eyes, like he hadn’t understood a word. Then he had just moved slowly his hand near his hair, pointing on the temple.It was obvious, Billy thought, he was still suffering from the concussion. Even if more than two weeks had passed Steve was still recovering from the fight. Billy wanted to scream, he hadn’t meant to put him in these conditions. He had been just too afraid to go back home to his father without Max, that he had lost control over Lucas and Steve. He felt hot tears running on his cheeks, he couldn’t even remember when was the last time he cried in front of someone.“....Bil….” Steve saw how in pain Billy was. He seemed so fragile like his armor was crumbling in front of him. He didn’t like to see somebody in such a pain, even if it was Hargrove. He wanted to console him, but all he could do was put his hand on Billy’s thigh. They stayed like that for some minutes till Steve had enough energy to stand and Billy had calmed down. Steve didn’t wanted to talk with Billy about what had happened, so he just said :“Soon it will be Christmas, we should try to do something for the kids…”“Yeah, it would be nice to have something like a party after all this shit !” Billy admitted.They started talking and planning, but it wasn’t long till Mike and Lucas woke up. They gathered all their thing and started over their run for life. Billy had tried to speak gently with Max, by asking her how was she feeling, but she just kept ignoring him. She was super mad at him. Billy sighed all the time there was silence between them. Nobody wanted to talk. For Steve it was a relief because of his headache, but on the other hand it pained his heart.They stopped in a supermarket to take water and food supplies. The place was untouched like nobody had tried to steal or take refuge. They helped themself with some shopping carts to be faster. Stopping like that was a big risk : everybody was concentrated on the supplies and it would have been easy for the demogorgons to make an attack and take them by surprise. Also they would have been without weapons and too distracted to notice anything, but how could they survive without food and water ?The car was loaded with all kinds of things, they were going out if the building when Steve noticed that Dustin was missing. “I go back to pick Dustin” He said while the others were trying to tuck in the remained places all sort of packages. Steve calle out for Dustin, but nobody was responding. Steve started to run in every lane of the supermarket. It couldn’t be happening ! He thought. He was about to get the others when he spotted the little kid, he was looking at something on a shelf. Steve approached him slowly, the kid seemed in trans. He was looking intensively at a packet of biscuits, the one with chocolate chips. On the shelf there were tons of that kind of differents marks, but he had eyes for just those ones. At first Steve would have scolded him for not answering and almost giving him an heart attack, but now he didn’t felt like it. “If you want it, just take it !” The kid startled at Steve voice.“W...what ?” He seemed scared, well he wasn’t acting normal.“I said that if you want those, you can have it !” He said again, smiling.Dustin didn’t returned the smile but just took some packages and followed Steve to the car.Steve drove till it was pitch black, the kids had talked between them for all the afternoon eating some potatoes chips, but Dusting hadn’t said a word since the supermarked. Steve was becoming more and more worried about him. Something must have happened to him and the biscuits were the key. Unfortunately he hadn’t a clue of what could it be wrong with the kid, he just hoped to figure it out.
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They stopped for the night in a big house. It had probably been of a rich family because the forniture was high quality. The day had been long and everybody fell asleep as soon as they laid down. Steve, on the other hand was bothered again by his migraine. He could hear Billy snoring on the other side of the room, Mike muttering something about school and some homeworks he didn’t do in the dream, Max kicking under the blankets, Lucas complaining with someone saying that he was the dungeon master. It was kind of funny to hear how much noises they were doing while sleeping. Under all those rumors he thought to hear something else. It was hard to concentrate with a migraine, but after sometime he could definitely distinguish another voice. Somebody was sobbing in grief. Steve got up immediately : what if one of the kids was hurt ? What if somebody was sick ? His heart shattered when he saw that the one who was crying was Dustin. The kid was curled up and was holding tight a pachet, like it was a pet. Steve approached the poor boy and put a hand on his shoulder.“Dustin, why are you crying ?”The kid turned to Steve, his eyes were red, his cheeks wet from tears. He wasn’t sad, he was desperate.“Do you want to go somewhere else and talk a bit ?” The kid just nodded. Steve gave him his jacket and the blanket too, it was pretty cold.They walked out of the room, a gelid air welcomed the two, they sat on the floor in front of a window where they could see the bare tree of the garden, the intense blue sky and the shining moon. Black clouds were approaching from north, but nobody noticed it.“So…..why are you crying ?” Dustin didn’t responded.“You can tell me, I’m not here to judge you ! I’m here to help you !”“You will think that I’m weak and stupid” “No, I won’t ! I promise you !”After some time little Henderson decided to speak.“I miss my mum” Steve didn’t know a lot of the Henderson family, Dustin father had left his mom for another woman when the kid had been three years old. He knew that they have had some money problems, but it had been all setted when Mrs Henderson had found a good job. Well Dustin life hadn’t been so easy even before the upside down. Steve had met Dustin mum too sometimes, she had seemed a very sweet and kind woman ! “It’s natural that you miss her…” Steve tried to say, but Dustin cut him off.“I don’t miss her ! I’ve lost her forever !” He was crying more than before.”She is dead Steve ! And I couldn’t do anything to save her ! She was all I had and now I’ve lost her too” His voice was pure grief.“I won’t see her again ! I lost my only family, I lost my mom ! I have never thought that one day I would have been alone… If only I had told her about the upside down maybe….maybe she would have made it out alive ! No she would have made it out alive ! I’m so stupid ! I killed her !”“Dustin ! Stop ! Don’t say those things ! You didn’t kill anybody ! You hear me ?” Steve had took the kid by the shoulders and had turned him to watch right in his eyes. Those scared eyes.“You didn’t nothing wrong ! And I’m sure that she is still alive !” Steve said.“What ? You...you sure ?” “Yeah ! One hundred per cent ! Hopper wouldn’t have let your mum die there ! He is a police officer, I’m sure he had put in safe all your parents !”“For….for real you think that ?” Dustin shaking voice asked.“Yes ! You don’t have to worry about her, she is fine !”They hugged, Steve held close the sobbing kid letting him give vent to his pain.“I’m scared Steve !” “Nothing will happen to you, I promise I won’t let anything touch you !”When Dustin had calmed down, Steve saw that he was still holding the biscuits.“What’s with that ?” He asked pointing towards the pachet.“Oh ! My mum used to buy me those when I got good marks at school ! Their taste and smell remind me of her !” Steve now understood why the kid had fell in trans seeing those at the supermarket, and why he had spoke one word after. Dustin was such a good and lovely kid who really needed somebody to take care of him. He needed some love.He put a hand on Dustin head messing up his hairs, but in a brotherly way. The kid came closer to Steve.“Can I sleep with you this night ?” He said in a whisper that Steve had difficulties to hear him.“Of course you can ! Every time you feel down just come to me ! You are not alone !”Dustin finally smiled, Steve had long forgotten his migraine. They went to sleep together, Dustin curled up against Steve’s chest, while the other stayed up watching the little kid till he was too exhausted and fell asleep too.
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The sun didn’t wake them up, Steve was (as usual since his incident) the first one to get up. It seemed like it was still night, everything was dark and so cold. He slowly got up, not after covering carefully not just Dustin but all the kids, well Billy too, who were still dreaming. The window of the previous night wasn’t showing any ray of light, it was strange because there was some kind of light outside. He went close to see better. It was Ice, or better snow that had become ice during the night. Steve went to the front door where they had entered the building the previous day. As soon as he opened it an unnatural amount of snow dropped inside and a cold wind with some snowflakes froze his hairs and nose. The city had been completely covered, it seemed to be in an advertising for Christmas. If it had been a school day, Steve would have been joyful, but now on his lips there was just a grimace. Their new car was barely visible. It was obvious that they were stuck there, how could they risk to drive on a frozen road ?He run back in the room.“Billy ! Billy ! Guys ! Wake up ! We have a big problem !!”Billy sat up immediately with the gun in his hand, looking around like expecting a demogorgon to come out of the wall.“What...what’s happening, Steve ?” Mike asked still in confusion for the sudden reveille. “We are blocked here ! It had snowed all night long and it’s impossible to drive !”Everybody rushed outside, the freezing air made their face flush.“Fuck !” That was Billy.“What do we do now ?” Max asked in apprehension.Nobody responded. They came all inside, then a desperate debate started. They needed to go north, but how ? It was hard to have enough space to have logical thoughts and voice, so when Lucas had an idea, he found himself shouting for make the others listen.“I remember that there were the car chains and that liquid for not letting the fuel freeze in the last supermarket we have been yesterday ! We should go back and take it !” Observant child, Steve thought.“We can’t go back it’s too far away ! It will take a day or maybe even more with the snow ! The streets aren't even clean, it's impossible to drive without the chains !” Billy said sad.They stayed all silent after this, the pause gave Steve enough time to elaborate a plan.“What if just one of us go back with an another car while the others stay here ?”Before Billy could say anything, Dustin exclaimed :“Steve ! It’s a brilliant idea ! It would be safer and faster too !”“Yeah, but who will go ? And who will stay here ?” Mike interrupted.They started to argue again, but this time Billy made himself clear :“I will go ! You will stay here and prepare everything for when I’ll be back !”This meant that Steve had to defend all the kids alone if some shit happened...and he knew pretty well that he wasn’t able, not in those conditions. What if he felt sick or dizzy ? What if he had a migraine attack like the one Billy saw ? How could he have protected those four kids ?“No ! I will go !” He said firmly. Everybody looked at him. Steve just ignored them and pulled the bigger male away.“What are you doing ?” Billy was pissed.“We need to talk !” Hargrove sighed.“So…speak !”“You can’t go back there !” Steve said firmly.“Why !?!??”“Billy ! Think ! I can’t protect the kids ! Not now….not with….” He didn’t need to finish the phrase.“What do you mean ?”“I’m saying that if you died or remained hurt, I...I couldn’t defend the kids…”Billy was looking him with wide eyes. Hargrove wasn't sure about what they were speaking. He passed a hand between his hairs and on his face.“It’s….this bad ?” He seemed in difficulty to find the words.Steve just nodded.He had hidden his problem since he had woke up. He often felt nauseated and he had threw up most of his meal using always the excuse of the bathroom. He had lost so much weight in so little time. The worst part of the post concussion disorder was the intense and permanent pain in the head, he could sleep, think, breath without having it constantly reminding the reality. He was pretty worried about it all, but what could he do ?“Ok...you go. But you have to promise me that you will come back no matter what !”“Yeah….I’ll manage….”
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They set the plan. Steve would have used a little red car that had the car chains just on the front tires. Unfortunately the chains were too small for their jeep. He would have to drove back, took all that they needed and come back as soon as possible. It seemed easy, but it wasn’t. At least it had quite stopped to snow even if the sky was still covered by all those grey clouds.Billy gave him a loaded gun, one of the many found on their trip.Steve was ready, if you can be ready to die trying to save yourself and your family. He hugged everybody especially Dustin. he had to come back for him expecially. The kids weren’t realising that it might have been the last time to see him. When it was the turn of Billy, Steve didn’t wanted to upset the other male, so he didn’t hug him. To his surprise, Billy pulled him closer his hot body and hugged him. He whispered in his ear :“Don’t be late, pretty boy”Steve blushed, but hadn’t the time to understand the new nickname. He climbed on the little car, Billy helped by Lucas had started with the wires for him. They had to break one of the windows so now inside there was that freezing wind, but it was the only solution.
He waved off to them while he was departing. It would have been a long journey.The outward trip went smut even if it was hard to drive with all that snow on a frozen street. He had risked to go astray many times, but now he had took the hand. It took him hours to finally arrive in the previous city, even if it had took half the time with the other car the previous day. It was long after four pm, he needed to be fast because he didn’t wanted to stay out in the night, alone, on a frozen street.The supermarket was as they left it. Steve took every item for the car and since he was there, he loaded the little car with food and water, even some “gifts” for the kids considering that it would be Christmas soon. Even for Billy, the big boy had changed a lot in those weeks, Steve wanted to thank him for everything he was doing. Some can of good beer would be the best. He had just finished to load the red car when a noise catch his attention. He slowly turned just to see a big demodog five hundred meters away from him, which was sniffing the air. The monster seemed alone, not in a bunch. Steve could feel his heart starting to race against his chest. He was sure that he hadn’t been noticed by the creature, but he needed to go away from it as soon as possible. It was obvious that it was looking for them, probably he had followed their smell till there then he had lost the traces because of the sudden snow.The monster started to move towards the supermarket. Steve couldn’ t took it to the kids, he had to stop it right there. It was a menace for their life and if it had been following them till there, what if there were others doing the same ?Steve needed to act and soon, but he was paralyzed. When the monster was just two hundred meters away from him, he climbed in the car and went out with his nailed bat. The demodog had heard him and now was running towards Steve, but the boy was prepared, he had already killed those things before.He pointed his feet on the ground, like Billy had told him so many times at basketball practice. When the thing was near enough, he swung his weapon as hard as he could on the snout, the monster fell down. Steve was ready to finish it off, but the thing was faster than he thought. It jumped or him, taking him down hard on the frozen floor. Steve was now trying to keep away those infinite teeth which were trying to eat him. The monster was using all his weight to crush Steve and finally win on him. Steve was panting hard both for the effort and the fear. He was slowly succumbing under those fangs, which were cutting his fingers and arms. In that moment he remembered about the gun Billy gave him. with all the force he could muster, he took with one hand the gun and fired right into the mouth of the creature. After three bullets, the thing went down.Steve was left all bloody, he stayed laying down to calm down. He got up just a few minutes after. Now he could feel his blood run down his arms. The demodog had flayed his skin in deep even with the jacket on, that now was completely ruined.
He thought that he needed to alert the gang as soon as possible, there were monsters following them !
He climbed tiredly on the car and started to drive away. It was becoming dark and soon would have been night. Steve didn’t wanted to drive in the night, he would have needed to use the lights, and he was afraid that it could have drawn monsters to him. He started to push on the accelerator, well conscious that it was dangerous. After one hour it started to snow again. It was hard to see the road, everything was white and covered in snow. He had to stop for puking several times, his migraine was giving him some issues.It was starting to get really cold, he was trembling and he wasn’t feeling his fingers anymore. The numb feeling was starting to get his head, he could feel the migraine screaming in the back of his skull. It was hard to keep the eyes open. Now it had evolved into a really blizzard. He could spot the city where Billy and the kids were waiting for him, but just few neighborhoods before their house, a deer jumped right in front of the car. At first Steve thought that it was a demodog too, but when he distinguished it, he turned suddenly the steering wheel. It was a moment, the car was sliding across the road, he tried to do something, but the ice doesn’t forgive. The vehicle slammed into a wall, Steve hit his head hard. He didn’t lost consciousness, he couldn’t move, but could feel something hot leaking down his nose and forehead.
I have to get out of this, Steve thought, but he was like frozen there. He wanted to cry out for help, but was too weak to even do that. Slowly the cold air felt more like an hot summer wind, his muscles were numb and not responding correctly. He felt like burning within minutes. Than he lost definitely consciousness. Billy and the kids had stayed in alert for the whole day, Hargrove in particular was in deep anxiety. Steve had been out for twelve hours now and it had been like hell there. The kids were constantly asking him when he would have come back. But Billy wasn’t sure about it anymore. He felt like someone was crushing his heart. It was fear, the fear of losing Steve fucking Harrington. Something should have happened to Harrington, Billy thought, because it was too late. Hargrove had moved everybody in the living room of the house, they had put all the mattress on the floor near the big fireplace, when it had started to snow again he had lighted it. In fact just outside the house in the backyard they had found a woodshed ready to use. The fire was keeping a normal temperature, well it was still cold, but nothing compared to before.Billy just hoped to see Steve again.
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Dustin and Lucas had decided to look out for Steve from the third floor of the building thanks to a big window on the street. It was more an attic, but furnished like a playroom for adults. There was a big dusty Billiardo table in the centre and a leather couch. Dustin was agitated as ever, he had never thought that Steve could have not come back. He was like the big brother he never had, he couldn’t lose Steve ! It was Lucas who saw the lights of the car far away and alerted everybody :“Guys ! I see the lights of the car ! Steve is back !!!” “What ? Where !?” Billy asked failing to hide his nervousness.“Just a few blocks away and now…” They all heard a deaf sound, something like crashing. Sinclair turned back to the window, but it was all dark without any signs of Steve or the car.“What happened ?!??” Shouted Billy.“I don’t know, I don’t see the lights anymore !”“Fuck !” Billy put on his jacket and ran out of the building. All the kids followed him.The first thing he saw was the car, just five hundred meters from their house. The vehicle was with the front smashed against an house, but nothing was moving. Billy started to run, too afraid to know the truth. The kids were shouting, but their voices couldn’t reach him.He opened the front door immediately, Steve was there, bloody, pale as a sheet. He unfastened the seat belt and pulled the other out. The first thing that he thought was : how fucking cold Steve was. In the backseat there were something like six bags full of things, the kids took everything out as Billy told them. In the middle time he laid Harrington on the snow. He was a mess of blood and pieces of glass. Billy kneeled down to hear him breathing, but to his surprise Steve opened weakly the eyes.“Steve !” The boy seemed to want to say something, Billy got closer.
“.....m…...so…...cold…..” It was a whisper, but clear.The bigger boy took him under the legs and the armpits, then he started to run towards the building. Billy kept talking to Steve, always checking that he was still there. The other boy just blinked to let Billy knows that he was alive.As soon as they entered the house, Billy laid Steve down. It was clear to him what he needed to do. “What do we do ?” Max asked paralysed. “Put some chunks of wood in the fireplace !”Dustin had already brought the first aid kit, so that Billy could took out every splinter which were stuck in his flesh. There was a big one in his right leg, Billy was a bit afraid to pull it out, but he couldn’t have left it there. A lot of blood came out, but it stopped. It wasn’t an artery, Billy sighed in relief.Max seeing all that blood asked :“Is….is he going to be….okay ?”Billy turned gently to her, he himself was scared, let alone those kids.“Yeah, but he needs rest” He gave her a shy smile which she returned.Steve wasn’t feeling anything, his frozen body was too numb to feel something. He just opened his eyes to see what they were doing to him.
After every splinter had been pulled out, Billy bandaged the leg, Steve’s head and arms. Then Hargrove started to undress himself.“What are you doing ?” Mike asked.“His body temperature is too low…...” Billy was a bit embarrassed to being pratically naked in front of those kids, but now it didn’t matter anymore. He pulled out Steve’s clothes too, and dressed him with his own warm ones. Steve wasn’t trembling, and it wasn’t a good sign. Billy did the same with the trousers too, seeing how skinny Steve was compared to him. “Give me some blankets !”Lucas took something like six covereds. “What will happen to him ?” Dustin asked.“Nothing, he just need to get warm and rest. Why don’t you go to sleep ? It’s been a long da for everybody, I’ll take care of him.” He tried to smile, even if it felt unnatural. The kids were tired too, so they slowly went in their “beds”, if you can call a bed a mattress on a floor. At least the room was illuminated and warmer, thanks to the fire.
Steve was half asleep, even if could feel that he needed to tell the others something important, but with his migraine wasn’t letting him think about anything.
Billy laid down beside Steve.“You ok ?” But this time Steve didn’t responded, his eyes were glassy and his breath slow. He was feverish. Billy gently pulled him closer, he was still pretty cold. “You there ?”This time Steve moved a bit his head, then his eyes started to close, but Billy wouldn’t do the same error two times.“No, please ! Don’t fall asleep !”Steve looked at him like questioning : why ?“The last time I left you like that, you didn’t wake up in eight days ! You will stay awake !”Billy wasn’t sure that Steve could really understand him in those conditions.Anyway he kept speaking with him the whole night. Yes, he was tired, but he feared more to lose Steve there, in his arms. At some point in the early morning, Steve had regained some composure, but he didn’t pulled away from Billy. “Billy !....... There…..there was…...a demodog……...back there !” his teeth clattered. “What ? And what happened ?”“It’s….dead…..now, b-but it…….was looking out…..for us !”Billy was shocked about the news.“We..…..need…….to go…...away from……...from here…….b-before something else……..try to follow us !” Steve continued.“It was alone ? Or there were others with it ?”“I-I….. think it…...was alone, b-but…….I’m sure…..that it was…….se-searching for something !”“Fuck ! And you killed it ?”“Y-yeah”“We will go away tomorrow, I’ll prepare everything !” Billy was about to get up, when he understood that he couldn’t have left Steve there on his own. He was hurt, sick, feverish, cold as ice, it wasn’t a good idea to leave him there. They needed to get out of there as soon as possible, but now Steve was more important than that. In fact he had killed that thing, and it had seemed that it had been alone, so they could spend some more time in their refuge. Even because outside there was a blizzard and it was impossible that those toothed flowers were going to find them.
Billy stayed up all night chatting with Steve and trying to warm him up.
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Billy was exhausted, he had spent the whole night speaking with Steve, who probably was even more tired than him. At least he was sure that Harrington hadn’t a concussion again. He needed to buy some time to prepare the car,but couldn’t let the sick boy alone. He woke Dustin up, to make the boy look after Steve, while he went out to put the chains on. The kid was happy to help, he was genuinely worried. The sky was clear, but there was at least twenty or maybe thirty centimeters of snow. It wasn’t a lot, but it was frozen, it seemed flour so cold it was. Well, they were still lucky that it was possible with the new car to drive. If they still owned Steve’s BMW, it would have been impossible to proceed on the road. He put the chains on, some of their things too. Then he went back inside and woke all the others. Steve was asleep, and even if everybody was making so many noises he didn’t even stir for a moment. Everybody was asking what was happening to Steve, what did he had and so on. But Billy didn’t had time, or better he didn’t knew himself.It took them an entire hour to load everything, Billy took some chunks of wood. He didn’t know if they would have found something to burn for the next stop.
When they were all ready he lifted an unconscious Steve up and carried him to the backseat with the thick blanket, Dustin following him with a pillow. He put Harrington on the right, so that he could have rested on the window, but also because it would have been easy to look at him with the rearview mirror. Obviously Dustin seated right next to Harrington, then Max and Mike. Lucas climbed on in the front seat, Billy thought that this one would have been a good occasion to speak with him and try to be forgaved.The road was impossible to be seen, the asphalt was slippery as ever, but the car fortunately was keeping the right track.Billy glanced every minute at Steve, concern growing straight away. He couldn’t stop, they needed to get away from there and set a great distance between them and the monsters.
Dustin often put his hand on Steve’s pearled forehead, it was obvious that he had an high fever he was white as the bandage, dried blood picking out in some points.
Billy tried to distract himself speaking with Lucas, he tried to explain him how to put on the chains on the tires, how to drive on the snow, how to keep it steady when the asphalt it’s frozen, and so on. In reality his mind was always shifting on Steve. He had to admit that he was afraid that something serious could have happened to him. Myabe he was feeling something for Steve now that he had went so close to lose him. At lunch time they finally stopped and stayed in the car, Billy was beyond tiredness, but he couldn’t let Max drive in those conditions even if the street was getting better. They ate cold food, because it was impossible to warm it up. Hargrove took a hour of sleep, he could eat even while driving, now he needed more to sleep.They resumed the trip that went on till the sunset. Steve had regained consciousness in the late afternoon, but he was still a bit out, because of the fever or because of the obvious migraine. They stopped in a little village on a hill. The choice dropped on a little house with a fireplace ready at use. Max and Mike warmed some canned tomato soup. Even if no one had ever liked something like that, it was pleasing to eat something warm. Billy, Dustin and Lucas settled the beds for the night. Then they started to eat. Steve didn’t wanted to eat anything, his migraine was hard and he felt nauseated, but Billy forced him to have a cup of it anyway.
It didn’t lasted long, the food made a reappearance with Steve trying to move away from their eyes. With his surprise his right leg gave out under his body weight not without pain. Luckily had enough energy not to throw up before getting out, thanks to the adrenaline. It was painful, but what was really killing him was the constant feeling of his head. It felt like he had a press on his temples. if he hadn’t had the mouth occupied, he would have screamed from the ache.Billy and Dustin, as soon as Steve got up, rushed after him. Billy felt horrible, he was the one that had pushed Steve to eat.
When Steve finally finished everybody was watching him in silence, he started to tremble for the effort it took him to walk away from them. Billy caught him before he fell down on his own vomit. “There is blood on his leg !” Mike said a bid disgusted.Everyone looked down, there was a red stain which was expanding rapidly on Billy’s jeans that Steve was still wearing. “Fuck !” Billy swore, not because of the spot, because the wound had reopened. Steve was pretty coscient now instead of the previous time. He felt his cheeks redden when he had to take out the jeans to let Billy clean again the wound. Luckily for him the kids started to play a game and they didn’t paid attention to him, apart from Dustin and Max. Billy was silent and concentrated, but Steve knew that the lack of words from him could only mean that he was blaming himself. “Billy”The other boy looked up a bit reluctantly.“It’s not your fault, if it wasn’t for you I would have been dead !”There was a moment of silence between them. “You shouldn’t say things that you don’t mean” That was a bit low for Steve from Billy, he didn’t wanted the californian to think that he was that kind of person.“No ! I mean it ! I owe you my life, and it’s not to make things up ! I really appreciate your help !”“You don’t hate me ?”“God no ! Billy, I couldn’t have made it so far with the kids without you ! I was out for more than a week ! You really saved them, when I went in the tunnels to help El with these shitheads’s plan I couldn’t even put them all in safety in time. If something had happened back there i don’t know if they would have been all alive…”It was strange to admit those things in front of Hargrove. Just some days before they hated each other so much and now they were more a family.“The Kids told me what happened, but I’m sure that you protected them perfectly ! You helped them from the start ! So now let me help you”That night Steve thought that for the first time in his life he ha a family, not his, a real one ! He didn’t had nightmares for the first time in months.They spent the week driving the day and sleeping the night, it was hard because they had to wake up early and prepare the car than stay seated for an entire day, stopping just to put some fuel in the car. When the sun went down pull over for the night, took everything from the car, eat sleep and start again next morning.
It was hard, Billy had accepted to make some switch with Max and sometimes Lucas too, when the road was just straight, so that he could recover for some hours. Steve couldn’t drive with his leg out of use. Hell it was difficult for him just to walk. He really felt useless and like a weight. He couldn’t do anything alone at all, Dustin was always more than happy to help him, but it was frustrating and sad. The leg was hurting even when he was seated or lying down and his migraine hadn’t improved at all. He ha had another episode of his kind of losing consciousness during the night when he had got up to put some logs in the fireplace. He had been in a seating position so nothing had happened, but the fact that this kind of episodes were continuing to happen was scaring him. He didn’t say anything about it, to anyone. All he wanted was not messing with his new family, he was already a dead weight, he couldn’t let them know. Also he was afraid of it because there was something that did make no sense, but these thoughts were always pushed in the back of his mind by his stubbornness that made him believe that everything was normal. But deep in his heart, he knew it wasn't.
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They had passed Illinois and Wisconsin and now were in Minnesota. There was still snow, but a lot less, so driving was like normal.
Billy’s plan was to pass the confine of Canada and arrive in Alaska. It seemed simple, but it was hard to find the right road with a map they never used. In fact Billy had never seen one before and after the towns near hawking it had been difficult for him to decide where to go, which road take and where to stay the night. More than once they had to turn back and take the other street, it was easy to get lost. Now that Steve couldn’t drive, he found himself unnecessary, pointless, worthless and futile. Yeah, he felt like shit. All he could do was taking care of the kids, like preparing something good instead of canned beans, try to cook something fresh even if it was impossible now to find fresh food still good, but most of the time he spent was on the roads maps. He arrived to use the whole day on them to find the shorter trip to make. With his persistent migraine it wasn’t pleasing at all, but if he didn’t do that, what else could he be good for ? At first he didn’t understand anything, but then the piece of paper had started to reveal it’s little secrets, like the little streets that passed in unknown villages or the places where they could have found fuel for the car. They didn’t liked to pass through big cities or on highways, because it was more likely to find the monsters where there had been so much food, well humans so monsters too. Instead they bet on little villages in the countryside. It was harder to find food and clothes, but it felt safer.
They hadn’t found any traces of demogorgons or demodogs at all since Steve’s adventure. They finally arrived in a village near a lake, on a hill. The next day would have been Christmas and Billy and Steve decided to stop there for sometime. There was a big school, a pharmacy, a bakery and a little supermarket, but with everything that they could desire, it was more a luxury food shop. After seeing many houses, the choice for the night dropped on a little house on top of the hill with a big garden confining with the wood. It had had two floors, with a fireplace in both, a kitchen with an old stove, so they could have cooked something better at least for Christmas. All the others buildings hadn’t had a fireplace at all, because they were all more modern, but the young company needed to find a warm place.Steve watched how Billy and the kids were working hard to set all the needed things on the first floor.
He was in the kitchen on a chair, trying to make some pasta. He had never cooked on a stove before, at home he had had to learn early how make something with pans and pots because his parents were always out of town or in Europe, and it was hard to live on peanut butter and bread. He still remember the first time they had went out for more than a week, he had eaten peanut butter and bread for fifthteen days, than the food had started to run out and he hadn’t thought to go buy more. The shopping was something his mother use to do, but she had never took him with her so he didn’t know what to do and where to go; he was only five. When his parents came finally back home, he had been on starvation for two days, he was so happy to have them back that let that fact escape his lips. His father, when he heard that Steve didn’t even thought to go and buy himself some food, had shouted and hit him. He had said that he was stupid and worthless. That had been even the first time his father had hit him. Not a pleasant memory at all….The pasta turned out good, he used a jar of sauce of the little pantry in the house. I was pretty obvious that the people which used to live there had made those things themself. He wondered how would have been living there, he could imagine the family that lived there before. It was a close one and happy too. He let a smile escape his lips. “So where are we heading tomorrow ?” Asked Lucas.Billy and Steve had agreed that they would have let the kids sleep till late while they prepared something for them. “Well we will go north as always, Steve had signed the rute on the map, till we follow it we won’t get lost !” Billy said with a cheering voice. “So…. we…. we are not stopping for Christmas ?” Asked Dustin with all the sadness he could put in the voice. “I’m sorry Dustin, but it’s too dangerous !” Billy answered.All the kids seemed off and sad.“Come on we will celebrate it later on ! Ok ?” Steve said messing with Dustin hairs. After dinner they played some board games of the house. the first was Monopoly. Billy had never played it and didn’t know anything, Steve ha played it once but he ended up teaming with Billy. The kids obviously allied with each other and they couldn’t even play. Soon they started to grow bored and changed with Scrabble. Steve felt stupid, he and Billy were losing to a bunch of kids, well they were nerds kids. This time Billy tried to stand up to Max, using all dirty words. Steve felt a bit embarrassed, Mike became red as a tomato, Dustin was asking Steve the meaning of some words which he never heard, Lucas was laughing along with Billy at his dirty mouth and Max in the end had to forfeit. That night they went to sleep on the first floor after having a good time. They had never laughed so much in their entire trip, and doing it since a long time felt good. They felt happy and alive.Yeah, they were still alive.
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Steve woke up while it was still dark outside, his leg was pounding and his head felt heavy. He hadn’t rested a lot that night. Well he was in anxiety because of the decision to stop for one day. It was true that they hadn’t found any trace at all on the trip, but he was still feeling uncomfortable.
Even because if something happened he could not save the kids or protect them in his shape. He just hoped to let the kids have some fun and a normal day for once. The brunette slowly sat up and, after something that felt like an hour of dark and depressing thoughts, started to shake Billy’s shoulder to wake him.“Billy, it’s time” He whispered.“Mmm” Billy grounted.He turned to look at Steve still sleepish.“You look like shit”“Thanks Billy, Happy Christmas to you too !” Steve said tiredly not really in the mood.“Oh hell, you are right ! We need to start !” Hargrove got up and changed himself, than helped Steve up and descending the stairs. He practically carried him to one of the chairs of the kitchen. “Thank you” Steve said with a flushed face.“No problem, are you losing weight ? You are getting lighter !”“No, I think that you are getting stronger” They both laughed at that. It was impossible that just a few weeks ago they were “enemies”. Not that now it felt like being like best buddies, but Billy had lost the bully mask and was being himself more.“So what’s the plan ?” Steve asked.“Well yesterday we saw that little supermarket, so I will go get some good stuff ! You will wait here with the kids and prepare something since I don’t even know how to hold a pan !” Billy grinned leaning on the table.“That’s not true ! But you ok with going out ? Alone….?”“Of course I am, not that I have a choice…. You barely stand…..” Billy had hit a weak point of Steve. It was true he couldn’t do much for the group.“Yeah….You probably should have left me behind for best” He whispered before realizing his own words, he didn’t wanted to say those thoughts out loud. He had felt that way since the night at the Byers house. He was just a weight for them.Billy paled in an instant. “What did you say ?”“N-nothing… just be careful”“You think that the kids would have left you behind ? Really ?!??” He sighed pinching his nose, like he was having a suddenly headache. “Are you right in mind ??! How could you think something like that ?”Steve stayed there utterly terrorised, he had never seen Billy flip out like that before.“I don’t know what’s wrong with you Harrington, you really think so low of us ? Of me ? You are the closest thing to a parent they have ! But I suppose that a rich spoiled kid like you doesn’t even think about it !” Billy turned towards the door.“I thought you were better, guess I was wrong”With that Billy went out with the gun and a big backpack. Steve was left there alone, in the darkness; hot tears streaming down his face. What Billy had said was true, but he couldn’t just change the way he was feeling about the whole situation. He had a silent breakdown there in the kitchen, everything felt even worse than before, physically and mentally. He would have prefered to be comforted, but if his parents hadn’t done that in years how could he pretend it from Hargrove. The boy felt stupid by realizing that he probably pretended it from Billy because he felt something towards him. But was it even possible ? Steve liking Hargrove ?It took him ten good minutes to regain control over himself and start to get something done. It was hard to move around with just one good leg, he had to lean over something or he would have fallen. His head was making everything swinging and every movement was like a dizzy spell. He set the wood on fire in the stove and the fireplace and started to warm up some eggo’s in a pan, the kids were always famished, both because there wasn’t so much food and when they travelled it was difficult to eat a proper meal. He decided to never talk about his thoughts and feelings with Billy anymore, and promised to himself that he would have never let this weight on the kids.
He should just go straight and keep working with himself, or better hiding himself behind a smile. Like he had learned a long time ago.Limping Steve went out to take the presents which were still in the car, he took out the package of the good beer he had took for Billy. The brunette stayed immobile in the cold, looking intensively at the cans like they could speak to him. Then sighing he went back inside. Yeah he was feeling like shit, but it was normal for him to feel like that at Christmas. He had passed the holydays, and not just them, alone since he was eleven. He prepared the table, waiting for Billy to come back. His migraine was really destroying his brain, even if in that moment it felt good to feel some pain. It kept him company and reminded him what a piece of shit he was. At some point he rested his forehead on the table.Billy came back after two hours, as soon as he entered Steve jumped up from the chair. He could tell that the other had probably fallen asleep and was now in pain because of the sudden move. Steve on the other hand barely hold in a scream.“You all right ?”“Yeah….fine” Big lie !Billy took out of the bag: a giant ham, cans of peas and beans, white and yellow cheddar, wustels, bacon, popcorns, chips, canned pineapples and peaches, chocolate, cookies, dry fruit, peanuts and nuts and a lot more stuff. He let Steve cook everything while tried to wrap up the kids presents with some pretty paper and hang up some plastic decoration they found in the house.“What are these ?” Steve turned to look at what was he talking about. He was holding the beer cans.“Well…. those are-” He was cut off by Dustin and Lucas screams of joy and surprise.“WOW ! Oh my God ! You made us a Christmas party !?!”“Ohhh there are so many things ! I need to eat them right now !! I’m starving !” Just after them Max and Mike followed with the same reactions. Billy put on some music with the radio of the house, not loud even if they were breaking one of the rules they had made when the world went all shit. But that day nobody cared about anything, it was Christmas and they were in an isolated unknown village in the middle of nowhere.
With the kids the atmosphere was completely different, there were laughs, confusion, happy songs singed all together: that was a real family atmosphere. It was good, Steve thought, to have them there to cheer him up even if the chaos was hurting his head. After the immense lunch they had, it was time for the presents. Billy even pulled out four Santa Claus’s hats for the kids. They were all excited. The young four tore apart the shining paper of the gifts. Max and Dustin both got an handheld cassette deck, with cassettes too, Lucas a big book about cars and the engine in particular. For Mike Billy asked him to close his eyes, and when he reopened them found in front of himself a new radio. “Well we all know how important is for you to achieve communicating with El, but the radio that we took that night, it’s not going to work since there is not electricity anymore, so we took a new one that maybe could be more useful….” Steve explained.All the kids were happy, but most of all Mike that practically jumped towards Steve and Billy to hug them.
They moved the table and with the music started to dance, well the kids and Billy, Steve just seated in a corner watching them have fun. Even if he had a smile on, he was dying a bit inside. It’s incredible how lonely and blue you can actually be in a room full of happy people. That could have been their last day.
His leg was burning, but he kept on smiling and just put one hand on the knee rubbing it to distract himself from the ache; well he had moved around a lot that morning.
After the fifth song Billy gave up and went to seat somehow near Steve. “They are really happy ! Good choice of presents” He said not looking at Harrington. “What are those cans ?” He asked again in a serious tone.“I thought that you might like them, I took them when I found the presents for the kids”“So it’s a kind of a present ?”“It’s more a way to say thank you for everything”They stayed silent for sometime, then Billy spoke again :“Does it hurts ?” “What ?” “Your leg”“No…..” Second big lie ! They stayed in silence for some minutes watching the kids have fun.“I have something for you too” Billy stood up and went out of the door. When he came back he was holding a pair of crutches. Steve was confused, he had thought that Billy didn’t cared like this about him. Wasn’t he angry ?“I found them in the pharmacy and…...here” He took out of one pocket an orange bottle full of white pills and handed it to Steve. The smaller boy didn’t know what to say, he was a bit shocked that Billy had thought about this. It was like he knew, but it was impossible Steve didn’t let escape anything...“Thanks….. Ehm….. How did you know…..”“I figured it out” Billy finally looked at him.The blonde started getting up again to walk away from Steve but he didn’t have finished. He took Billy’s hand to stop him.“Billy…. I’m sorry for this morning, it’s just that I feel frustrated about myself and I just want to be more useful for them and for you too, but all I do is an entire disaster. I can’t blame you for hating me because I hate myself too and…..” He didn’t know what to said anymore.Luckily for him the kids were too occupied with the music to listen to him.
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FlashbackBilly had thought about Steve all the morning, the boy was a big mess. He was always so insecure and anxious about the kids. When that morning he had said those things, Billy couldn’t do anything apart feeling angry. How could he think so low of them ? Of the kids ? He couldn’t understand why Steve felt that way. He had done everything he could to help him, yeah it wasn’t a lot but still something.He felt the anger built up again, he screamed and kicked two empty cans on the street. The blonde had never felt like this towards a person. Steve had become somewhat important to him, he didn’t understand why but his heart had never ached like this since his mother’s death. He had grew worried about the brunette bad habit to not tell when he wasn’t ok. Billy had had a light sleep since his mother had died. He needed to be always in alert because of his father. Too often the man had come back home half drunk and had hit Billy till he was more bruises than child.
After the upside down came up into this world, his senses had increased. He always woke up everytime Steve did. At first he had thought that he was just having problems sleeping, but after one night he had watched Steve had another episode, it all changed. The brunette was sick, pretty sick and Billy had no clue how to help him.
He was worried even because Steve seemed to hide his problems, he never told him about the faintings and the fact that he thrown up too often to be normal. He was getting weaker everyday. Billy had tried to approach Steve and to give him occasions for confessing his real health condition, but he never did. Now Hargrove was out of bullets, he didn’t know what to do to make Steve stop lying and start to open up with him. He had just finished filling all the bags with the food when he remembered about the pharmacy. He went straight there.
It took him time to find exactly what he was looking for, but he went back knowing that maybe he did have another bullet to shoot. End of FlashbackSteve took Billy’s hand to stop him.“Billy…. I’m sorry for this morning, it’s just that I feel frustrated about myself and I just want to be more useful for them and for you too, but all I do is an entire disaster. I can’t blame you for hating me because I hate myself too and…..” He didn’t know what to said anymore.Luckily for him the kids were too occupied with the music to listen to him.
Billy seated back again.“I don’t hate you, I just want you to talk with me about your problems ! I know I have been a dork with you at school, but I was just being stupid and all. Now I’m the…..the real me and you don’t have to be afraid of me anymore. I’m here like you are for those kids.”“I’m sorry, I should have known…. It’s just that it seem impossible that just some weeks ago we were at school and now we are here with four kids and …. well It’s a lot Billy, and I admire you for your strength, I’m not strong as you !”“That’s not true ! You are strong, just in others things…. I lose patience too easily, you are pretty calm and thoughtful. Remember when I had that big argue with Max ? You helped me and now everything is better. So please Steve try to trust m…...us” “You are right, I…..I guess I’m afraid about telling you because I fear that you will leave me one day like my parents did…..”“I don’t know your parents, but I... we are not like them ! I would never leave you behind !”They both smiled at that. Then something happened Billy leaned towards Steve, they never been so close. Steve looked up and well… the mistletoe was there, so he leaned forward too. They kissed, it was long and passionate. They were still kissing when the noises from the kids had stopped suddenly.
Steve pulled away completely red and embarrassed. Billy looked away from the kids with an hand on his neck and walked silently away. Max had a malicious smile on her lips, Dustin’s mouth was hanging open, Lucas had two wide eyes like Steve had grown two heads, Mike probably hadn’t seen the scene so he was asking the others what had happened with confusion reading all over his face. “So…..What do you want to do now ?” Steve asked to change their thoughts. “Mmmm….I don’t know….but I’d love to have a bath !” Max admitted. She had a point there, since their runaway they had just washed themself as they could with cold water not doing something like a shower or even a bath. “Well, I’d like that too, but we can’t warm up the water !” Steve said.“Yes ! We can !” Lucas seemed to had an idea.“What do you mean ?”“We have a fireplace and a tub, so we can put some rocks in the fire and then put them in the tub with water so it will warm up ! It’s possible I read this thing on a manual how to survive or something like that !”“You think that this will work ?” Asked Billy.“Yeah, absolutely !”The house had a quite big bathroom with a bathtub, Billy went out to take some smooth rocks and put them in the fireplace. Steve filled the bathtub with water, witch was pretty cold. Then when the rocks were ready, Billy took them out and transported them in a big pot in the bathroom. “Don’t put too many of these, because if it get too hot we can’t bathe” Warned Lucas.“This method is also used to make boiling water !”They waited some minutes then Billy put his hand in.“It’s warm !” He said both cheerfully and surprised.“I told you !” Lucas was smiling wide.“Good Job Sinclair !” Billy patted the kid on the head.Max was the first one, she went alone because she was the only girl, then Dustin with Mike and Lucas. The kids took their sweet time, but they really needed it !“It seems like a sauna !!!” Shouted Dustin. Steve was helping Max dry her hair and Billy was putting new stones into the fireplace. “Ok Max you are done, but try to stay near the fireplace, we don’t want you with a cold !”“Thanks Steve !! So when did you two started ?” She said with the same mishevel smile.“What do you mean ?”“Well you and my brother of course !” She grinned.“What ?!??”Luckily for them the boys came out of the bathroom.“We have finished, so if you want to take a bath it’s now free !” Mike said.“Pay attention to the floor because the vapor make it slippery !” Dustin added.“Thanks, but now try to dry your hair with these towels and stay near the fireplace !” Steve handed them others towels and clean clothes while Billy brought new hot stones in the other room. “Come on we’ll go together !” The blonde grabbed him by the shoulder and carried him in the bathroom. He could hear the comments of Max at Billy’s sudden move. “Can you stand or should I take a chair ?”“Well….” Steve was pretty exhausted, but he didn’t wanted to worry Billy.“I’ll take a chair !” Steve seated there trying to undress himself, Billy was already with just the underwear. The brunette was struggling to take his jeans off, bending the leg was painful and the fabric against the wound was even worse.“You need help ?”“If you could pull the pants leg….”Billy was really helpful and it surprised Steve of how delicate he could be. “You should take the bandages off, I can wrap the new one after you are done…”“Thanks !” Billy smiled and leaned to Steve to kiss him again. Then he took off Steve upper clothes. He became a bit sad seeing how slim he had turned.They put some new rocks in the bathtub and Billy helped Steve in. The water was warm and it felt good after so much time, but the wound stirred like it would have opened again. Billy sensed how rigid Steve went.“You ok ?”“Yeah, it’s just the hot water on the wound, but it’s ok”When Steve had done Billy helped him out and drying himself. “Don’t catch a cold !” He copied Steve.“Very funny because I’m the one with the towels on while you are still naked !”“I thought you wanted to see my beautiful body !” Billy grinned.“You are so stupid !” Steve admitted.“But I’m your stupid !”Steve just shook his head laughing along with Billy.
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The weeks after Christmas went as before. Driving the whole day and stopping just for the night. The snow had slowed them down pretty much, but they were now approaching Canada. Steve had studied all the differents streets they could take. It was hard to decide because they needed to reach Alaska as fast as possible, but it would took too much time doing by the secondary roads, maybe even months and it would have been too late. Also the winter was a big problem, Alaska was in the northern part of America and they would have difficulties to find food and supplies, the fuel too. Snow and blizzards scared them. The earliest they arrived the best it would have been. He talked about this even to Billy, he was afraid of the responsibilities. The faster way was using the bigger roads near big cities. But this would have meant running a bigger risk.
In the end they decided to take the faster trip, snow and ice was scaring them and it felt like the best option.
One day Mike tried, with Billy’s and Steve’s help to reach for the 100th time El or Hopper with the radio. There were rasping sounds at first then, after hours, it settled on the right station. Everyone was breathless.“Hey, is anyone there ? Do you copy ?” Mike asked with a shaking voice.Nobody responded. “Here is Mike, Mike Wheeler, do you copy ?” It was silent. They waited for five, ten, fifteen minutes. Then one per one leaved the radio and started to do other things. Only Mike and Steve stayed there. Mike for the radio, Steve for Mike. The brunette was worried about the kid. He was in love with El, and Steve knew how hard it is to stay away from the loved person. “Mike, I’m sorry. Maybe they weren’t listening or probably they don’t have a radio…”“No, El...s-she answered me even without a radio ! She answered me !” He sounded out of himself.“Maybe she needs some more time. We can try tomorrow too, you will see ! We will find them !”“You just say it because you don’t care about El, you don’t even know her ! You don’t give a fuck about her, Will, or the others. Even when you stayed with my sister you didn’t give a fuck about me or Nancy, you just wanted to fuck with her ! That’s why you left her ! You never give a shit about anyone !” It hurts Steve hearing those words, he still hated him.Now everybody was watching them without words.“You are right Mike, I was a perfect idiot, but I never thought about you or your sister that way, I just want to help you, and I want to reach them as much as you do.” He didn’t needed to specify the way Nancy had literally broke his heart, so he got up and went to the others.That evening nobody spoked, the tension could have been cut by a knife. Dustin and Max curled up with Steve, they were all feeling grief and sadness and Steve was the only figure who could have consoled them a bit, make them feel protected.
Steve on the other hand couldn’t close an eye. He was feeling stressed and exhausted, too exhausted to doze off. Bile slowly rising in his throat, at some point he couldn’t take it in anymore, so got up and went out. Puking was now the normality for him. His throat had started to burn before Christmas and every time he swallowed it stinged. “Fuck !” He admitted. He really was fucked up and the words that Mike had said had ripped him in deep. Sighing he went back inside, sitting on the bare floor He had feared to be a monster for so many years that now he was certain of it. He was immerse in his own thought when the room suddenly felt cooler. His blood ran cold. “Billy ! Billy ! Guys wake up !!” He screamed on top of his lungs reaching for the nailed bat.Billy jumped up taking the guns as if he wasn’t really sleeping. Then the kids too.“They are coming !! Come on we need to get out of here ! They found us !” The kids were disoriented and starting to panic. They put on shoes and jackets and rushed out to the car. “Quick ! Quick ! Quick !!” Shouted Billy while he helped the kids climb on. Steve was the penultimate, behind him Mike. Steve turned to let Mike get on the car safely before him, but there was nobody. His heart dropped.“Mike !!! Mike ! Where are you ?” Steve shouted.“Mike !!!” All the others followed. Demodogs appeared at the end of the street and started to run towards the car. In that moment Steve was paralyzed, Billy and the kids were shouting for him to climb in the vehicle, but he knowed what he was going to do. He turned back, smiled sadly at the kids and Billy :“Love you, stay safe” Then he ran back inside.The kids all screamed, Billy cursed and started the engine just in time to not be bitten by the demodogs. The monsters started to race behind the vehicle. A tear streamed down his cheeks and in that moment he promised himself that he would have found Steve and Mike before it was too late.Mike was nowhere to be seen, Steve called for him, his knuckles were white for the pressure on the bat. His leg slightly aching, it had healed but Steve hadn’t really tested it yet.
He went in every room, the temperature had dropped, he was shivering both for fear and cold.
He heard loud rumors in the farthest room like something had break down, then a scream caught his attention. When he reached it, he stopped. The floor had crashed down, there was a big hole which wa showing a tunnel like the one of the night at the Byers house. At the bottom of it Mike was half covered in those horribles upside down weeds. The kid was holding the radio with all his strength. “Mike !!!”“S-Steve !?” Those black eyes looked at him with fright.The brunette jumped down, not without protests from his leg. Immediately he started to cut with the bat the unnatural ropes which were keeping the kid down.“Are you ok ?”“M-my ankle….it hurts”His ankle was already swollen, it was sure that in that condition he couldn’t walk. Steve needed to be fast, the monsters were on their tail and now that Billy was gone it won’t took much time for them to come back to find and eat them. “Can you climb on my back ?”“I-I think...but the radio ?” He was crying.“Mike we need to get in a safe place, I can’t carry you and the radio”“Then leave me here, I need this radio !”“Mike ! El will reach us ! You need to understand the situation, we can take another one !” “No I don’t want to leave it here !”“Mike please ! If you die here what she will do ? Please leave it here”There was a brief moment where they finally looked into eachothers eyes, Steve could read the despair and the agony of Mike's heart, while Mike saw the grief and the pleading of Steve's tears.Sobbing the little boy climbed on Steve’s back and the brunette slowly climbed out of the hole, not without effort.He started to run towards the back of the building were there was an another exit. He ran with all the energy his legs could master. He didn’t know where he was going or for how long he kept running, it felt like few minutes but probably had been more like thirty or fourty. He opened a little house and closed the door behind him. He climbed the stairs and layed down Mike who had passed out. He put a blanket on the kid then collapsed by his side, breathing hard. He didn’t close his eyes, he needed to stay awake if something had happened.
The night felt long and when his mind wasn’t cringing with pain because of the migraine, his thoughts drifted on Billy and the others. Were they all right ? Where did they go ? How would they go back together ? The morning came and Steve was beyond exhaustion, but Mike’s ankle was bloated and blueish. He let Mike climb on him, this time the kid felt heavier than before. Steve hardly got up with all that weight, his body protesting.“I’m thirsty” Mike said.“I didn’t found water, neither food” He really had searched quitely on his own, but the house was empty. All the pipes had frozen during the night so no sink was helpful. “We will find something” He said to encourage, but he wasn’t too sure himself how long they could have survived.
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Billy was devastated, seeing Steve smiling like it would have been the last time they had seen each other had ripped the heart out of him. All the kids were crying, sobbing, despairing; in an instant they had been separated. At first the demodogs had tried to catch the car, but it was too fast even for them, so they had turned back running.
Billy was feeling fear, real fear like the one he felt when he had seen the car of Steve smashed on a wall, like when Steve had fallen down the chair while they were speaking about Max, Lucas and the big mess Billy had done. He had just fell in love with him and already the brunette was slipping out of his hands. Billy felt as powerless as he never felt before. It was hard to continue to drive with all those thoughts. When it felt safely enough he pulled in a little road, they spent the night in a big yellow house. They had lost a lot of things that they couldn’t save, most blankets and clothes. “Billy ?” That was Max, she had walked silently behind him.“What it is ? Are you hurt ?”“No...it’s…..I wanted to ask you if….I could sleep with you tonight ?” Her voice was trembling.In that moment Billy realized how worn out and scared really were the kids. Dustin was shaking, Lucas was looking into the nothingness and Max was still crying. He felt bad for how superficial he had been, he thought at what Steve would have done. He could have at least spoke with them in the car, try to comfort them.“I’m sorry ! Tonight you will all stay near me. You will sleep between me, ok ?” The kids slowly walked and curled up against the blonde. “Everything will be fine, I know that Steve is with Mike and they are ok. Tomorrow we will look out for them”“Nothing happened to them ?” Asked Dustin still sobbing.“I’m sure of it !” Billy smiled and messed with the kid’s hairs like Steve always did.“They are going to be ok ?”“Of course ! You don’t need to worry !”“How will we find them ?”“Well….we will go back and search for them, I promise you that we will find them !”They stayed all in silence, then Max spoke again.“I’m scared, Billy !” “I’m here, I won’t go anywhere, ok ? If you don’t feel ok or you are afraid just tell me. Everything will be fine !”The kids fell asleep, Billy stayed up all night holding the kids to himself. He thought about Steve and the condition he was in before everything happened. He had heard the brunette throwing up and had seen him cry because of Mike’s words. He was really worried about him.
The separation had really broke the group, everybody was down, and now they couldn’t move ahead with the trip. They didn’t have much time already and now it was impossible to say even if they could come back together. For the first time in years, Billy prayed. He never really believed in God or in some kind of a superior entity, but now more than ever he needed it. He needed to believe, to hope, to hold into the thought of seeing Steve again. It felt like he would have given his life for Steve and Mike’s safety.
When he was a child, his mother used to bring him to church, she really believed. He had learned the prays from her, they used to pray even together, but not in earshot of his father. He disliked every kind of religion. One night after his mother death, he had been crying and had started to pray, he didn’t heard his father coming, but he would never forget how bad he hit him. He had woke up all bloody on the floor, since that time he had never prayed again.
Steve resembled his mother a lot, not physically but with his behaviour. He spent the remaining hours thinking about a plan to find Mike and Steve. The better thing he could think of was make some kind of sound or something visible from distance so that the others could have located them. In the morning he explained his idea the the three kids. Dustin wasn’t speaking, Max only nodded looking into the space, Lucas at first was mute, but then he started to talk. “We could shoot something like a smoke bomb in the air, so that they can see it and locate us” The little boy explained. Clever kid ! Billy thought.“Yeah that’s an idea, but where do we found it ?”“Well we could try in that shop of bricolage down the road, maybe we will find something”“What about a gun ? We already have it and they could hear it and find us ! In fact we don’t have much time, every second that pass they could be eaten, they are out there… still in danger” Dustin said.“Yeah, but maybe they won’t hear it… we need something more visible”“Ok, so let’s move, we don’t have time !”They took the car and went straight to the shop, Billy broke the window and after twenty exhausting minutes Max finally found a set of red smoke grenade.
The city was completely different: weeds from the upside down had grown on the streets and around some houses and cars, It was desolated, grey and scary. They never felt so afraid. Probably there was monsters all going around trying to find their preys. “What if it’s too late ?”“It’s not too late I’m sure they are all right ! Steve and Mike are strong and we will find them !”“I don’t want to see them dead…” “Dustin please !!” “I’m sorry it’s just that… those monsters…. they are so many and Steve… he was wounded… he couldn’t walk very fast…. what if…..”“Dustin stop ! Please ! We will find them !” Billy had kneeled beside the kid and was holding him by the shoulders, looking sraight to his eyes.The atmosphere was dense and dark. Billy couldn’t imagine how he would have react seeing Mike’s or Steve’s body. Probably he would have freaked out like mad, but he really didn’t wanted to let his subconscious took the latest strength of his hopes.
After some time, luckily without seeing any demodogs, they arrived in the same street they had been the night before. There were some roots of the upside down poking out of the manholes of the road. The underworld was spreading fast to find them. The brutal memories were still fresh, Dustin was silently crying and Max tried to hide her tears. “I will shoot it in the air while you will stay in the car looking out for any kind of movement, ok ? If you see something or hear a noise, please tell me straight away !”Billy felt his blood ran cold, he was sweating like he had been in the middle of a basketball practice. He climbed on top of the car feeling nervous as ever.“Here we are… Steve please be ok !” He prayed.He shoot the thing in the air, the red smoke rose in the sky, it was the same color as blood. Billy knew that it would have took time for Steve and Mike to come. They surely had left that place as soon as possible, but he still hoped that they would have been around those buildings, maybe looking up.When the first smoke bomb faded he shoot the second and so on for twenty good minutes. He could feel the tears streaming down, he didn’t even tried to wipe them off. The kids were silent, but probably they were crying too.
He was about to shoot the ninth when he heard something pretty distant. It seemed impossible, but it was there : someone was shouting far away. “Billy !! There is someone shouting out there !” Dustin said with half voice. “Yeah I can hear it”“It seem like Mike !” Shouted Lucas.Billy didn’t waste time, climbed in the car and hit the accelerator towards the voice. The minutes seemed hours, but finally they found the place. Mike was kneeled on Steve reverse body, scared as ever, on the verge of crying. Billy pulled the car on the side and rushed out with the other kids. The moment he saw Steve, his heart stopped.
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FlashbackMike was half awake and half asleep, Steve had found some biscuits in another house. They were both tired, cold, scared, hoping that Billy would have found them soon.
Their plan was going back where they had escaped the day before. Well it was dangerous because there were monsters walking all around the city, but still it was the best option they could think of. It was hard to remember the right streets, where to turn. Steve had ran off without thinking where he was going, all he had done was getting away from that hell. Now he really didn’t know where to go and how far that place was. Mike didn’t remember the whole trip because he had passed out at some point. If some demodogs spotted them it would have been the end, Mike couldn’t run and Steve wasn’t sure if he had enough energy to beat one up, let alone an entire group. They did many variation just to avoid a fatal encounter and stay safer, but like that they prolonged the way back, suching time and energy.
Steve had to stop every few minutes not just to decide where to go but also to catch his breath. He was sweating cold and felt numb, the previous day had been the adrenaline to carry Mike. Obviously his migraine started to pound on the skull, it was difficult to stay up right and to decide his movements. As time passed he started to feel even worse, but always tried not to let it show to the kid.Mike was silent and looking out for danger, he was holding Steve’s nailed bat because the older boy hardly carried Mike with two hands.
They had been walking for two entire hours and probably they weren’t so far from the house of the previous night.“Let’s stop...for a bit” Steve said breathless. He let Mike climb off his back and helped him sitting down, then he let himself fell, his legs giving out.
The headache was starting to get unbearable, he wanted to scream, to tear off his head. “You ok ?” He tried to speak without throwing up. He needed to distract himself from his ache.“Apart from my ankle, I’m fine, instead you seem ready to puke !”“Good to hear !” Ten minutes passed then something painted the sky red.“Steve look ! It’s Billy !”Steve slowly raised his heavy head. “There ! It’s probably a smoke bomb, we are safe !”Steve saw how far away the smoke seemed, he didn’t know if he could make it with Mike on, Hell, he didn’t know if he could stand up again !“Com’on we need to go back there ! They are waiting for us !”Every time the smoke faded in the air, another one appeared, like it was watching on them from above.Steve didn’t know how could he still stand up and carry Mike for others 300 meters, but when they were close he just collapsed. It was like the time it had happened with Billy, he couldn’t hear Mike shouting for him to get up, but he could see how frightened the kid seemed. His whole head in pain, so hard this time that he would have screamed on top of his lungs if only he had control over his voice. Pain; who knows it will comprehend how bad you want to get rid of it and how desperate you are, so much that you would make to yourself something as painful just to make the first one disappear. His body felt hot and cold, numb and ready to run at the same time. The episode lasted more than 2 minutes, but it felt like years for Steve. Then it didn’t disappeared it just decreased slowly, letting him regain power of his body, but it was all too soon. Now Steve really shouted scaring the kid even more, who started to scream himself. He was in so much pain that he tried to reach his nailed bat to hurt himself to save him from the unbearable suffering. He was still weak so he couldn’t really get up,when he finally touched the bat on the head, he gripped his hold letting the nails pierce his left hand. Blood and flesh erupting out from the perforations.
Mike was shocked, immobile staring at Steve. Then the brunette felt a big hand on his shoulder.End of FlashbackBilly was about to shoot the ninth smoke bomb, when he heard something pretty distant. It seemed impossible, but it was there : someone was shouting far away. “Billy !! There is someone shouting out there !” Dustin said with half voice. “Yeah I can hear it”“It seem like Mike !” Shouted Lucas.Billy didn’t waste time, climbed in the car and hit the accelerator towards the voice. The minutes seemed hours, but finally they found the place.
Mike was kneeled on Steve reverse body, scared as ever, on the verge of crying. Billy pulled the car on the side and rushed out with the other kids. The moment he saw Steve, his heart stopped.
The boy was shaking and breathing irregularly, what was the scariest part was that he was gripping on his bat on the part with the nails. The spikes had perforated the skin and the flesh, and were now visible on the other side of the hand. It was like Steve wanted to hurt himself.“Steve !! Stop ! What are you doi- ?” He stopped once he turned the brunette so that he could see his face.Steve was in pain, in great distress, immediately Billy thought about the migraine and the attacks he had had. This one must have been really harsh if Steve had hurt himself. The boy had blood on his mouth and nose still coming out, clenched teeth, tears leaking down on the asphalt. His brain unfocused if not on the pain. “Steve !” Billy called out for him, but he was slowly drifting into unconsciousness. So the blonde carefully removed the nailed bat from Steve’s grip. More blood came out and Billy felt like puking at the sight of that hand. It was messed up pretty badly, he could see some bones too. It was shocking.Billy looked at Mike, who was utterly frightened.“Mike, you ok ? Can you hear me ?”He just nodded, then the others arrived. Dustin and Lucas helped Mike walk towards the car. Billy lifted up an unconscious Steve and laid him in the front seat. The didn’t had time to waste there, what if the demogorgons found them ? Billy couldn’t think about anything, the pryority was getting out of the big town as soon as possible and find a safe place.They finally found a motel on the road near a fuel station. Even if the rooms didn’t have enough beds they moved others mattresses to stay all together. Steve was still unconscious, pale and sweating like he was having an high fever. Billy tended to both Mike’s ankle and Steve’s hand. Mike was explaining what had happened the night before, how he had sprained his ankle, how they had ran away and how they had saw the smoking bombs in the sky. He didn’t say anything about Steve, even if all the kids were demanding an explanation. They went to sleep early, but Billy needed a word with Mike. He waited till everybody was asleep, he could hear Mike normal breathing so that he was sure that the kid was awake. “Let’s go outside” He whispered in his hear. The air was cold and Billy couldn’t stop himself from wishing to have a smoke or being in Cali.“So… what happened when we found you ?” He asked while covering the kid with a big blanket. Mike sighed.“I don’t know… it all happened so fast !....He seemed tired because he had carried me all the way up, when we saw the smoke we had just stopped, he carried me for some other meters, but then he….he just collapsed. It was like he was in so much pain but I couldn’t see anything like a wound or something… He was there immobile, looking at me like he was d-dying…. Then he started to scream so hard and he… he took the bat and… and he… I’ve never thought… I think he… he has PCS...”Billy looked at Mike in the eyes.“I known since he didn’t woke up after the Byers house he had post-concussion syndrome, but I never realized it was this serious, I didn’t know how bad was the damage… I thought that it was just something for sometime, you know ? But I was wrong ! As time pass he became worse. There is no cure.” He paused. “You know, if Max hadn’t stopped me when I hit him that night probably I would have killed him...” He sobbed. “If I think about it now, I…” He couldn’t finish the phrase.Mike put an hand on his harm.“Don’t think about it… now you are different, we need you to be strong because with Steve in those conditions… we can count only on you from now on !”Billy looked at Mike, now he could see why the kids had named him their “leader”.
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The next morning Steve woke up, it was still dark outside. His body was cold and aching, his head pounding, his hand was on fire like he had crashed it. He didn’t remember how he ended up there, then the memories hit him. He pushed himself up afraid that something might had happened. The movement made him cringe.A big warm hand pushed him gently back.“Don’t move, you better stay down for a bit” Billy’s voice was soft, Steve let his body relax. “I’m happy to see you !” The brunette said even if his eyes were shut closed.“I’m relieved to see that you and Mike made it out alive. Do you remember what happened ?”Steve thought about their escape and the radio, and that he had had another episode… in front of Mike.“Yeah”“You will agree with me that it isn’t normal ?”“Yeah”“Steve… You need to take it easy because… I don’t want to see you like that ever again… If you had had enough strength… You could have...” Billy couldn’t say : “Killed yourself”. “Yeah, I know, but I didn’t, ok ? Don’t worry like that, don’t need to be”“Don’t need ? Are you serious ? Steve, how can I make you understand that I care about you and seeing you like this, hurt me more than anything ?” Steve's eyes shot open and he looked towards the blonde. Billy was really worried. “I’m sorry… It’s just that I don’t know what to do… Do the kids know ?”“No, just Mike because he saw you, the others were even too scary to ask him about you. He… well me too, we think that you have post-concussion syndrome.”“Yeah I know because I already had it”“What ?”“Well before you and Max came in Hawkings, me and Jonathan got into a fight and well it turned out that he was a pretty good “boxer” and well I got hit in the head, I had something a lot lighter but like this. Just a little headache and nausea... When I started to have this shit, I thought that it would have weared off in a few days. How stupid of me ! It passed a month and it only got worse.”Billy was a bit taken aback to hear all those things, most because Steve never complained about anything and now he was saying that it he hadn’t felt any better since then. “Promise me something, if you feel like you will have an attack soon, please tell ! I can’t do much for you, but I can help you and stop you if you want to hurt yourself like that.” “I promise you”Billy kissed him, it felt like the other boy had needed and waited for that since they had been separated. “Now rest, it’s still early”When they all woke up, Steve found out that he couldn’t really stand on his own, he felt so worn out. The kids were all happy to see him, Dustin hugged him so hard that he barely breathed. They were all speaking together so loudly that his migraine was rapidly coming back. Luckily for him, Billy noticed and calmed the kids.
They went back on the secondary roads even if they knew the demodogs would have probably followed the car, but there was no time and the trip was still long. They drove no stop. Billy just wanted to arrive in Alaska as soon as possible.
When they arrive at the boundary, found a grey building which probably had been the custom. The road was barred with a barrier of cement and barbed wire.
The blonde tried to move out of the way all the heavy blocks, but he couldn’t. To his surprise he found out that he had lost muscle mass and wasn’t as strong as before. Maybe if Steve hadn’t lost basically everything and wasn’t so weak and sick they would have moved it. The kids tried to help too but the work was out of their leagues. After many tentatives it was clear that the only way for escaping was finding an another road or even try to use the car not on asphalt.There weren’t streets without a barrier or some kind of stop. Everybody was growing nervous, more time passed less were the probabilities to get out alive. They knew that the monsters from the previous city were chasing them. At some point Billy suddenly said while they were still discussing on what to do:“Hold on tight !”He turned the wheel and in an instant they were out of the street. It was a bit risky because the car started to tremble, Dustin, Max and Lucas let out a scream. Billy was amused about their behaviour so he started to laugh maniacally, making the kids worry and shout even more. After forty good minutes, by passing on fields, half woods, white streets and private properties, they somehow made it into Canada.“Did this have damaged the car ?” Asked Lucas“Nah, don’t worry about that” Said Billy still cheerful.Canada was wide, but the streets were more cleaned from automobile and every kind of vehicles, it was obvious that the evacuation plan had been different and better organised in that country. Well America have had just a few hours, at maximum a day, so people let panic took over and it was clear that there had been many problems of coordination. Many had lost their lives, in an horrendous way, eaten by monsters. Seeing Billy getting so dark unexpectedly, let Steve said:“What are you thinking, Billy ?”The blonde didn’t expected the question, he stared at the other boy.“Don’t know if we should stop for the night somewhere”“You are obviously tired, maybe I could… drive for some hours”“No Steve, we have already spoke about this… it’s better for everybody if you just rest”“Yeah, but you should stop… you can’t go on like this ! I can see that you haven’t slept in a long time just to be ready if we were attacked, and I believe that you stayed awake even these two past nights ! You are exhausted...”“I know”“And you can’t even make Max drive, she is tired too”“Lucas know how to drive too”“He is just a kid Billy, you can’t let him drive alone, we need to stop !” Steve said in the most gentle way he could.“Listen nobody said that I needed to stop now, ok ? Now get off me” Billy splitted.The kids listened to the conversation, looking sadly at each other. “You just go to sleep and than tomorrow we will change for a few hours.”“But, you need to rest, you will collapse if you continue like this !” His voice was pure apprehension. “Shut up !” Billy screamed. “I know what I can handle, this is nothing, I’m not weak ! So now do me a favour and shut the fuck up !” He literally snapped in front of Steve and the kids, looking at the brunette with murderous eyes.Steve just held his hurt hand, closer to himself.“Yeah you are right, you are not weak as me, you can protect the kids better than me. Sorry” He turned to face the window. Billy was still blind from his anger and missed the tear leaking down the other boy hollow cheeks. The kids silently let themself slip into a dreamless sleep; at least they were all together in a warm place.The blonde was getting sleepy, this was the third night he didn’t catch any rest. When his life was normal, he would have stayed up five nights one after another, but now the cards had changed. Even if he would have denied it a thousand times, he could feel that something wasn’t as before. He was really tired, not just mentally but physically too. It wasn’t the kind of fatigue he felt when basket training was over or when he worked out at home the whole sunday. No, this feeling was something that hadn’t weared off since long. He could feel his muscled slowly retiring from his arms, legs and his chest. He hated it, he hated the whole situation they were in. At two AM he had calmed down, and he started to think about Steve and their discussion. He could hear the other boy shallow breath, his silhouette looked so dark and frail. Billy realized that he had reacted like his father used to. He hated his father, he was a monster that had abused his son so much to make him become one too. To his surprise he felt hot tears slide down and start to wet his hoodie. Both from tiredness and the feeling of failure, he let them run. At three and half AM, he wasn’t focused on the road anymore. He couldn’t took out of his mind the voice of Steve saying that he wasn’t good enough, strong enough to protect the kids. But Billy knew that it wasn’t the truth, Steve was the one who was always there to hear you when you needed it, he was the one they went to when feeling low, homesick, hurt, alone. He was strong, just not in the physical way. And the blonde knew that he needed that strength himself, he needed Steve. Billy’s mind was a mess, it was a dark place, where he didn’t wanted to go too deep alone, but with those doe eyes he felt like an another person. A better one, he felt like when he was still little and his mother was still alive.Billy was still thinking about those thoughts when he felt the car slide. The asphalt was frozen hard. His vision blurred and the wheel didn’t respond at his hands. He needed to regain control of the vehicle, but all of a sudden he felt so tired. He unconsciously closed his eyes. “BILLY !!” Someone screamed.Others voices shouted too, then he felt a firm grip on the steering wheel. His vision wasn’t setting back to normal, but he could sense that the car had stopped turning and was probably still.
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FlashbackThat fateful night he had screwed up, he had thought that he was strong, that he was Billy Fucking Hargrove, feared from all. He was respected in Cali and had been respected in Hawking. There was just one thing between him and the title of king: Steve Fucking Harrington.
From the first time he had heard about him, he had hated the guy. Billy wanted to crush him, make him beg to leave him. He was the new ruler in Hawking’s high-school and nobody was going to stop him.
Then when his father had hit him because of his step sister; he had gone crazy. He had planned to go out and get drunk or high, but that stupid girl had managed to get who knows where, and he had to find her or his father would have killed him.
When he had finally found her, his rival was surprisingly at the same place, denying the evidence. In that moment he had wanted to kill Steve, but still he didn’t wanted to go in prison so he had just hit him like his father had just done. How many times had he wanted to punch that fuking guy ? Then he had went inside and found that Maxime was with Lucas. His father had told him that black people were dirt and shouldn’t even stand near a white person. They shouldn’t even breath the same air of white people.(I’m so sorry, it was so hard to write this !) Sinclair would have died that night if it hadn’t been for Steve’s stubbornness and Max’s readiness.
When he woke up the house was empty, his head felt funny and light as if he had smoke something interesting. The place was a mess, he tiredly had got out of that shitty place. For his immense anger his car was missing, so he kept on walking like a drunk man, even if not a single drop of alcohol had touched his lips that night. The walk he made wasn’t long, but in his confused state it felt like hours. This let him have time to think.
He was afraid of his father, even if he would have never admitted it. The man had had just hatred for him since his mother passed away. The memory of her smile and the way she always cared for him made his eyes wet. At this point he fell on his knees and started to cry non stop.
When his mind was settled back, he had regained a bit of self control. He wasn’t so far away from the house when he heard something move in the forest. It was hard to tell what it was, but from the sounds it seemed big. He felt a little fear, probably amplified by the drugs Max had injected, so he took a long wood branch. He held his breath and waited.
When he saw that thing, that monster, he felt horrified and unable to move. It truly resembled a dog, but one that would have hunted a human. Suddenly he wasn’t petrified anymore, before the monster could see him he throwed the stick in the opposite direction. The sound it made falling on dry leafs seemed to catch the attention of the monster. In a moment the blonde was running so fast and when he finally made it into the Byers’ house, that he had just left, his lungs were screaming for oxygen.End of FlashbackHe shot his eyes open. It had took just a second for Billy to realize what had happened and where he was. “Billy ! Billy ! Stay calm ! Everything is ok !” Steve voice sounded so distant. He tried to see the steering wheel but his eyes and his entire body just didn’t worked at his command. “Billy ! Please, look at me !”When he had finally snapped out of it, Steve was just a few centimeters from his face, an hand on his chin holding his head up and turned towards him, the other one on the wheel even if the car was immobile. Then all the others voices hit him:“Billy ! Oh my God ! What happened ?”“Is he ok ?”“Where are we ?”He blinked in confusion at Steve.“Billy, I think you need to rest… you nearly made an accident, I’ll drive for tonight !” His voice was calm and firm.“Can you stand on your own ?”He nodded slightly. Steve went to open the car door to help him get out. Just in that moment he found his voice back.“What happened ?”“You probably dozed off, but don’t worry the car stopped before colliding with something !”They went back inside the car. The kids were silent, Billy didn’t know if from fear or tiredness. “Go to sleep, I will wake you up if something happens, ok ?” Billy almost didn’t hear Stve’s words entirely, his mind was frying up from the lack of a proper rest. It felt strange to doze off so easily after so many nights being in constant alert. He felt his body go numb but in a good way, and he finally succumbed to a sleep full of dreams.
Steve was watching him with a frown on his forehead. God Billy was as stubborn as a mule, not that Steve wasn’t but the sudden feeling of the car sliding across the street had woke him up. Luckily he had the willpower to move before thinking what was happening. For a second he had thought that Billy had seen a demogorgon and he had made a sudden deviation to save their asses but he would have screamed, he would have woke them up to be ready to fight or most probably run. While Billy in reality didn’t even stir from his seat and that’s what woke Steve up completely. Billy was sleeping. The big guy obviously couldn’t make it any long without resting. it was comprehensible. Taking the steering wheel with both his hands had hurt the left one badly because the wounds weren’t even near healing, but Steve didn’t feel the burning sensation, all he had felt was fear that something had happened to Billy.
While he was finally driving he let out a sigh of relief that he didn’t know he was holding. He was feeling better knowing that nothing had happened and now Billy could finally rest. That night, for one time, didn’t feel so long and lonely. Steve was used to drive alone, then the kids had entered his life and well after that he was as booked as a taxi driver in New York. He never thought of it but his car was like a representation of his heart. He was empty before the little nerds came in, and now he was feeling so full and grateful for the friendships and the family he had found. He let his heart spoke till the sunrise, while his mind was preparing a bad trick. While the kids were all waking up, Billy was sleeping like a rock, so Steve was making signs at the kids to keep the volume down. It seemed a nice day, the stormy clouds that had followed them for so many days were now gone and the sun was illuminating all the country that was starting to reveal itself to them. Snow was really beautiful, Steve thought. “Where are we ?” Whispered Mike.“We are not far from where we were yesterday, but maybe at noon we can stop to eat and search for food and water, so I can take a look at the map !” Steve wasn’t so tired so he drove smoothly till about 1 pm. Billy was still sleeping, turning in his seat when there was too much light in his face. Steve smiled at that, he thought it was cute. Yeah it was strange to see Billy Hargrove sleeping like a princess while he was driving and the kids were making who knows what silent game. He actually felt relaxed.They had chosen to use the bigger roads even though they were clean, like no snow, no ice, just a nice and free road. It was faster but Steve had never been to Canada before and he was starting to really struggle with the names and the map he had. He had never been good at geography, he believed that you need to have some kind of reproduction in your brain of the place if you want to be to get a glimpse of geography. He had none, at school he sucked at that subject and he probably wouldn’t have been able to elencate all american states. They needed a new map, more food and water. Water was a very big deal. At first they had the luck that the pipes of the houses weren’t frozen but there the temperatures were so much lower and it would have been impossible to get water out of any sink. The world had really crashed down. They finally made it into a big city. It seemed abandoned by just a few minutes, but they knew better. Steve found himself wondering about all the people that must have lived there and then one day out of nowhere leaving everything just like they did. Did anyone die there ? Did they had the same struggle they had encountered ? Was it a “Goodbye” or more like a “See you soon” ? He feared that those kinds of questions would have had a very well known answer. They stopped in front of a mall. He turned to Billy who was sleeping soundly. He was tempted to let him sleep but he needed to eat too. “Billy wake up, time to eat”The blonde stirred and seated up stretching his arms while yawning."Good Morning princess! What a sleep, it’s been quite some time I had a sleep like this. What time is it ?”“Around 1 and 40 pm”“Wow, I needed that sleep”“Let’s get out and search for some food, the kids are starving”They went into the big building, it was new, full of shops of never heard brands. The air seemed clean, no dead bodies this time. The kids were sprinting towards a candy shop, it was closed but Bily had his manners to open things up or just to break them so after a few minutes they were all filling their pockets with sweets of all kinds.
Steve watched them from afar, he wasn’t too found on candies since as a kid he had a very bad stomach ache during one of the many long travels of his parents. He had learned that you can’t live on sugar. He already had an upset stomach, he didn’t wanted to curse himself more.
Billy on the other side was behaving like the kids. He seemed to have the very first time into a candy shop, laughing and tasting anything that was in his reach. Steve started to walk towards them. Between the Candy shop and the previous one there was a narrow wall covered with a mirror, probably to make it seem bigger. When he walked past it, his blood ran cold. He took a step back immediately to see better. His reflex was normal. He could have swore that he saw something strange with the tail of his eye. Before his reflection had been different like he was into the upside down. The air had been heavy and full of spores, all the walls and the floor have had those macabre roots. No it couldn’t be, his brain must have been frying itself. But his eyes never lied to him once. He felt a cold sweat run down his face. He approached the mirror almost afraid to touch it to find that it wasn’t real. To his surprise and relief his had stopped on the surface. It was cold and metallic, for a moment Steve looked at himself. He had indeed lost weight, his cheecks had sunken and his skin was pale. His hair had grown too and probably now he would either have to cut them or to start asking Max for a rubber band to make a ponytail. His last new clothes were baggy and the pants needed a belt desperately, he was dirty doubtless smelling and without any charm he could have ever owned. How could Billy find him somehow attractive now, was a mystery to him. He started to wonder if he and Billy were…. Did they ever spoke about their relationship out loud ? He was confused, what were they ? Lovers ? Friends ? Or was it just to take some tension off ? Steve tried hard not to think about that too hard, he didn’t like to think bad about Billy in the situation they were in. He walked away from the mirror before his reflex started to talk. “You guys need to slow down, that’s not food ! We need to stay healthy and eat well. Com’on let’s go find something more like a meal !”“Here he goes Mama Steve” Lucas said in a sarcastic tone.They all laughed at that.
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In just two hours they had taken more food, a new map, water and warmer clothes. “Oh my God that corn was so good it’s a shame it was cold” Dustin said while climbing in the car. “I want pasta so bad” Max said.“No, don't talk about food, I miss pizza as ever” Lucas replied.“We should be able to make pasta, I guess” Mike replied. Billy listened carefully and than turned towards Steve:“Hey he is not wrong, we could try it…. We just need boiling water right ?”Steve on the other hand was deep into his mind. The image he had seen before into the mirror had left him uneasy and disturbed. He was frowning thinking what was wrong with him.“Hey, you ok ?” Billy's voice finally broke his depressing train.Steve blinked at him.“Sorry, what did you say ?”Billy was a bit astonished that Steve didn’t heard any of the kids' complaints. The brunette was always super observant when it was about the kids. That’s why sometimes the little nerds called him Mama Steve, it was a cute nickname. The moment was interrupted by Dustin:“Steve please, let’s make pasta ! We all want it so baaaad.”“Oh yes sure, we can search for an house with a stove. Almost every house here has it, so it shouldn’t be a problem.”They went back on the road, it was still early to find a place for the night. Steve decided to drive to get his mind off his thoughts. Billy had complained but then he had let the boy have his way. The kids in the back started a game of words, those were you have to start the word with the same last syllable of the previous one. Billy played too but he lost after a few rounds. He seemed pissed, so he went to sleep a bit more. Unfortunately for him the little nerds were having too much fun and they were loud as ever, so he couldn’t quite catch some rest. After 1 hour of struggling to keep the eyes closed, the blonde just gave up and devoted himself to chat with Steve while the kids continued for almost two hours.“We need to study the road for tomorrow or we will get lost. I’ve already settled the right page on the map but I need to sign the roads because it’s harder to follow the streets names here. I don’t know anything so I prefer to be sure. Today was ok, but yesterday we had to turn back and we kept driving in circles in that previous city.” Steve stated.“Yes I agree, we need a secure and fast route. We can’t afford any waste of time. Before we get to Alaska the better.” Billy responded.“We need to find a new radio too, in the store at the mall there wasn’t one with batteries.”“Yeah yeah”“It’s really important Billy, if we want to get back with the others we need that radio.”“I know that’s important, but it’s not the top priority for now. You know that the water we have will last just for a few days and then we will be back searching for it in a big store, which is in a bigger city, which is where we will most probably find demogorgons.”“I know” Steve sighed.“And what about when we will be farther in the north ? Will we still be able to find a supply ? You know that in Alaska the big cities don't exist.”“I know and that’s what’s bothering me. Honestly I have no idea on what we will do arriving in Alaska at this time of the year, in full winter, with no supplies, no shelter and no news from the others or from the world.”“I guess only time will tell”“So wise” Steve laughed at Billy, it was a way to make the whole situation more light and less desperate than it was.“Don’t try to piss me off Harrington !” Billy replied messing Steve’s hairs up in a funny way.“Your hair grew so much, you should ask Max to braid it” Billy joked.“Very funny Hargrove ! Yours is long too, I can help you cut it all !”“No way I’m always looking so cool, saving asses here and there”Billy had a point there, he really was indispensable for the situation. Steve just smiled and kept driving. The brunette could feel Billy’s blue eyes piercing him from the lateral seat.“Hey you should change your bandages, your hand looked pretty messed up !” Billy said after a while.“I changed them when we stopped, I will change it when we find a place for tonight”“I can take a look if you want, just to clean it up, you know it’s easier”“Ok thanks”The night was already there, in winter the sun set at 5 pm or even earlier, without external lights and with only the help of the headlights it was hard to follow the road that was completely frozen. The temperatures there were a lot lower than before, even with the car’s heating they preferred to have the jackets and coats on with at least two hoodies underneath. They had found a nice sportive store where you can find the best gadgets to ski in the mountains from the boots to the helmet. The new clothing was already showing the difference in that weather. Billy suffered the cold more than the others, maybe because he wasn’t so used to it, he was from California and Hawkings wasn’t that cold. The blond had chosen a nice red and black thick jacket. The kids had their own new clothes too. Max had a purple anorak with a warm inside, Dustin had picked an orange one, Lucas had a yellowish one that was more blinding than ever, Mike was wearing a big blue one. Steve had just got the only one that seemed to fit him well enough to let him move around. He had tried to swing the nailed bat with it and it had felt stiffer in the others he had tried. It was a lighter blue color. They all got wool hats, scarfs and gloves, strange to say but they were mostly used at night. Not being able to make a fire meant they had to live at the temperature of the outside and in Canada during winter it can go down the zero for many degrees. Needless to say that falling asleep was a struggle when they were freezing. The cold wasn’t anymore a problem only to travel, but to live or better survive too. They used a fire just to cook or to warm up some water to get cleaned up a bit. Steve really missed the big bath he had at home. It was nice to soak in that warm and clean water on Sundays afternoons. What would he give now, to get just 10 minutes of a warm shower ? After the runaway he had noticed how hard it must have been before every house had water in it. He had started to fuss over the kids and Billy too to get at least their hands and faces clean before eating or going to sleep. It wasn’t just for the aesthetic part, but for the hygiene too. If any of them had to fall ill it would have been a disaster. It was a special day every time they had the opportunity to get a warm bath with the method Lucas had suggested. Steve had to admit he craved that moment for the whole week. They had tried to get a bath at least once in a week. But it was more complicated than it seemed, not because they needed to warm stones or have a bath, but because they never found enough water. There were more weeks that went off without water than those with it. They barely made it with the one to drink, let alone to get a bath full of water. At first it had been the only taken for granted thing. But now that they were passing through Canada, it was hard to find it since all the pipes had frozen in the meantime; and suddenly water was not so easy to get anymore. Steve finally pulled over a little house that seemed nice to spend the night. Even houses were chosen in different manners. Before Canada they preferred bigger and wider places, but bigger meant colder and harder to warm up in any way. They had started to choose more little houses and with many ways of exiting. The only problem was finding just two beds and obviously the kids would have the priority on it rightly. Steve and Billy often slept on the floor but it was hard to sleep there for two reasons: the cold because of the lack of isolation and the hardness that would leave anybody sore and bruised the next day. Steve really disliked sleeping on hardwood, but sometimes you are so exhausted that you just collapse there, wherever you are. Well sleeping like that wasn’t so restful, but they had no other chance to get out of there. Even by putting on more and more clothes, it didn’t help isolate from the freezing air. The houses had been without heat on for too long so the temperature was the same as outside. Canada was freezing cold.
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Billy picked the lock as always. The new little home had just one big bed and no couch but just a few armchairs. Steve was a bit disappointed to get to sleep on the floor again, maybe they could try to find another mattress, if not in the house than maybe in the neighborhood. He was feeling tired, but didn’t wanted to bring the problem up. The kids, on the other hand, seemed happy to finally get out and in an house. “I need to check on your hand, remember ?” Billy stopped his thoughts. “Oh yeah sure” Now that he was thinking about it, his hand was hurting a bit. Driving all night and day had irritated the already messed up wounds. He had noticed that the cold kinda helped with the pain, it was like having a slight anesthesia. They settled everything to spend the night there. Then Billy approached him after dinner.“Com’on let’s go in another room so I can tent to your hand” Steve had almost forgotten about it. Billy made him smile, it felt like he cared. They went into the only bedroom while the kids were playing something on the kitchen table.“Steve” Billy paused, he seemed to weigh his options. “Are you doing fine ? Because you have been acting strange lately, I mean I know you must be tired and everything, but you seem to be so distracted and you usually are not, at least not with the kids…” He didn’t know how to continue.Steve blinked at him, he hadn’t expected this talk from Hargrove.“No, I’m…” His voice trembled before finishing the phrase. “...fine”He genuinely believed that it had been just a trick of his ill mind. The mirror, which he saw that very afternoon, was just a mistake, wasn’t it ?Billy looked intensely at him, he didn’t seem to buy it.“Ok…. but if you need some help… I’m always here” The blonde seemed almost sad.“No no I’m just tired, sorry to be weird or anything but…” Did you see something strange in the mall ? He wanted to say that so bad but his mouth didn’t let him. “I just need a good sleep, since there is one bed only we can try to find a mattress in the houses nearby…”“Yeah I wanted to say that too, we can go see now what we can find !”Steve felt bad about the answer, he wasn’t so sure but what could he have said ? Hey I saw the upside down for a second on a mirror, in the mall we just came from, but when I looked better it was just a normal mirror ? No he didn’t felt the urge to alarm his family about a silly thing that was probably just a symptom of his Post Concussion Disorder. Right ?“But first, give me your hand”Billy unwrapped the bandages that were now dirty from using the hand so much. The wounds didn’t seem infected or anything but Billy frowned.“It’s not infected, and that’s a good thing”“Nice to hear” Steve smiled.“Still it’s hard to say if it’s going to get better soon, the wounds are small but very deep. You are lucky that you didn’t cut a tendon or damaged a nerve. Can you move it well ?”“Well it hurts to move it too much so I didn’t really try.” Steve confessed. He had really tried but the pain was really high so he just used the palm and thumb. Moving the single fingers alone was out of question. “I think you should try to move it a bit, can you separate the fingers ?”Steve made the effort but he couldn’t quite put a distance without yelping in pain. It was hard to bend them, but doing a lateral movement was almost impossible.“Sorry I really can’t, but it’s fine Billy. You don’t have to worry.” He tried to smile, he was hiding the fear that he might not be able to move it as before for the rest of his life. That injury probably would have been in need of surgical attention at the time.“Steve, that’s not good, I think you need to try to move it more with the help of the other hand, like stretching it to regain some range of motion. I’m sorry when we found you I could have attended to it, but I had no materials and we handed up wrapping it in some clean clothes. I’m sorry I should have dressed it at least.”“No please. You did your best and I will never thank you enough for saving my life and Mike’s one. The situation was critical and it was more than normal for you to think about getting out of there other than my hand. It’s fine Billy, really !”Billy sighed.“I know I could have done better, I’m sorry for the damage that you have now, the scars will be a big problem too.” The blond opened his hand showing a round scar right in the middle of his palm.“My dad once stabbed my hand with a nail because I stole ten dollars from his wallet when I was a kid. The sign it’s not that big but if you touch it....” He let Steve feel it. “It’s hard and not moving like I still have that nail in it.”“Oh my God Billy, how old were you ? Why did he do such a thing ? Does it still hurt ?”“I was seven or eight, don’t really remember it so well, I think I wanted a skateboard, but didn’t had enough so I wanted to get it before someone else did and ended up with this instead. Funny story.”“God, your dad really was crazy !”“I know, this little fuck still gives me bothersome stings, but other than that it’s fine. But yours are deeper and you got four of them in a little area, when the tissues will scar your movements will be restrained, That’s why I suggest you to stretch it even if it hurts, so it can scar leaving your muscles and tendons' ways open.”“I see. You know a lot about this !”“Naaa I just happen to have had the same problem, nothing more.”“Still thank you for the advice, I will try to move it daily”They went out looking for another mattress. It wasn’t hard to find it, but they struggled a lot to bring it into the new house. “Well at least we won’t sleep on the floor for tonight !” Billy said, his tone was cheerful.“Before going to sleep we need to see the new map. I need to calculate how many days it will take to reach Alaska. You know we have counted days.”“Fuck you are right ! Guess we won’t go to sleep soon today too”They started to revise the locations for the future days. Steve was growing in apprehension by the moment they started. it was more than obvious that the road to go was still long. They didn’t have much time. On one side they had the demogorgons trying to reach them from the south, on the other there was the winter that was menacing them in the north. Soon they will find more and more snow. How could they travel by car without a clean street ?He paled seeing the amount of days they still had left. No, there was no way, he counted them again and again, for five times, but the results didn’t change. “Billy, come here please.”Steve didn’t wanted the kids to hear about this. They were already late on the schedule, but after the incident with the demogorgons they were surely fucked up. They needed to be faster and travel more.“Hey is everything alright ?” Billy inquired. “Listen, we have a problem. At this rate we will never reach Alaska in time to survive. I think we need to travel during the night too or else we will get blocked by the cold and you know how much does it snow in Canada let alone Alaska…. “ He didn’t need to continue, Billy’s face was contorted in a frown.“So you mean that it would be best to travel by night too ?”“It’s the only option we have left, I have no other idea and the possibility that we will get stuck in the snow is very present. We should make a turnation between me and you for the night and me, you and Max for the day. If we count the nights too, we will approximately lower the days to two weeks at this rate, since the ice will slow us down much more during the night.”“Yeah but how about the other kids ?, they don’t know how to drive ?”“No they don’t. Even Max is not that good but she is still the best option we have.”“Two weeks is still a lot of time. Are you sure ? Like it seems a lot … there is not a faster route we can choose ?”“No i’m sorry I searched for the best if we don’t eat too much we will be able to cut some stops in big cities but it won't save us much time… maybe a day at most”“Fuck ! This is so fucked up ! You think you can handle driving for that long ?” Billy asked while passing a hand through his hairs.“Yes of course, don’t worry about me” It’s not like we have another option, he wanted to add.“But what if you have another attack ? Are you sure you won’t hurt yourself ? Can you sense them before they start ?”“Yes I can. Don’t worry about me, I'm fine Billy.”“Hell fine, you are about to pass out just with a day of driving, do you really think I can’t see how bad you are trying to hide the fact that something is not ok ? I’m not blind, maybe the kids can’t see it because they knew you from before, but I can see that something is off like when you came at basketball practice while sick.”“Listen, we don't have another option if we want to survive. I know you want to protect everyone but this is needed. We can try to find some… some medicines that can keep us awake for more time. It’s all we can do, and I will give everything to save the kids. I can’t live with the weight of someone else's death on the conscience.” He breathed hard.“What do you mean someone else ? Do you have another person's death on your conscience ?” Billy was astonished. Steve's eyes went wide.
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Steve’s eyes went wide. The words escaped from his mouth without him noticing. It was his subconscious talking and he had let his guard down right in front of Billy. How fucked up was he now ?
He had never told anyone about Barb’s death and how he felt guilty about it. Nancy had accused him of having let the girl die. Fuck that night she had really broke his heart and tore his mind apart. Since that day he had had nightmares for more than a month every single night, same scene, same ending: he, waking up screaming and sweating like he had run a marathon. Thank God his parents were never home. Then he would go to the bathroom and wash his face with cold water. Going back to his bedroom, where you could have seen the pool where she was last seen, was like walking on fire. He was actually afraid of looking out the window during the night, he was afraid that he might see her ghost or her body lying somewhere. After two months of messed up nights he had started to cope better with his trauma. He had forgotten the harsh Nancy and her new boyfriend, he had started to hang out with the kids who were his real salvation from all the hell he had been coping with, in his short life. “It’s…” He didn’t know how to tell Billy. “...hard to explain”“Oh yeah ? Try me.”“Maybe another time, it’s a long story…. and it’s better if we all get a rest.”Billy snorted at that.“Ok, but we are not finished, ok ?”“Yeah I just need some time…” Some time to start to cope with it ? With the fact that he was believing himself a murderer ? From the fact that since Nancy had told him how she really felt he was thinking about himself like bullshit ? Wasn’t he a good for nothing bullshit ? Oh My, he wasn’t ready to open that part of his mind, not to BIlly, not to anyone ever. He had wished it to be forever and ever forgotten. He wished it to never have happened. He wished that he hadn’t left her alone. He wished he hadn't fallen in love with Nancy. He wished the upside down was just an illusion. He wished to not hate himself so much. He wished….. he wished….. he wished he had never been born. Fuck ! His mind was a very dark place to enter. In that moment he felt a strong hatred and anger towards the world, towards how the things were going, towards how the upside down had destroyed his life, but most of all towards himself. His body moved by itself, he punched hard the wall he had in front of him. After one punch he looked in front of him, the wall was still there. He felt the wave of anger hit him again so he started again and again till he felt satisfied. His knuckles were bloody and scraped up. His left hand, the injured one, was throbbing badly. At least he hadn’t opened up the wounds again.
He felt tired and sad. Nothing had changed about him, he was still that fucked up little boy who was never loved by anyone. His parents despised him, Nancy had never loved him. Did Billy really like him ? No, how could he ? A boy more than ever. His mind wasn’t going to let him alone easily, that night. The Kids went in the big bed, curling up all together, they were tired too. Steve went on the floor with Billy. “Goodnight princess”“Goodnight”Needless to say that he didn’t close one eye for the whole night. his mind wouldn’t let him in peace, so it started to wander in places he hadn’t entered in months that felt like years. In the morning he was mentally exhausted and drained, his body barely moving just following what the others were doing. “Did you sleep, Steve ?” Strangely that was Mike.“Oh yeah, how about you ?” Even talking felt tiresome, moving the jaw felt so heavy.“I slept well…” He could feel the doubt in the kid's voice.“We need to talk” He said, he wasn’t ready to hear how bad he was looking and that he seemed sick.“Me and Billy went through the map yesterday and we can't afford to stop for the night anymore. So we will start a turnation of me, Billy and Max to drive all day long. Max, you will drive in the morning while me and Billy will do the remaining hours.”“But I want to drive too ! I can help a bit.” That was Lucas.“Lucas, I’m sorry you know that driving in these conditions is not easy nor safe. Even for us it will be an hard time, let alone Max. I know each of you want to help with this, but we can’t afford to lose even an hour and sleeping is taking us too much time. It’s for the best, I’m sorry.” He couldn’t bear the weight of the kids’ eyes.“It’s ok” Dusting was the only one to say something.Everybody else was silent and nobody knew what to say.“Ok, then we need to hurry up so we can get on the road as soon as possible !”They started gathering things, nobody was cheerful or talkative that morning. Steve put himself in the driving seat and felt a big hand on his shoulder.“Hey Steve, I think you’d better take a rest. Max can drive for this morning and you can do the afternoon while I do the night.”“Billy you can’t do whole night, it’s too dangerous ! I can do a part of the night too.”“Ok, but leave Max drive now and rest a bit, you look like you haven’t closed one eye” “I’m fine, don’t worry. You don’t have to care everytime. You should look out for the kids they need you.” His voice sounded lifeless.“You know everytime you say this, it fucking hurts ! You know that I care and I can’t stand you thinking of yourself like you are shit, like you mean nothing.” Billy’s voice sounded tired and harsh.The blonde left the car door open. Billy was done, why did Steve have to be like that when he was just trying to help him ? To be gentle ? He hated that situation, and the fact that they needed to go faster and drive all day long was bothering him a lot. It was not an “healthy” thing to stay or better live in a car for so many days without any service. Steve was already injured and this kind of strain was what he feared would have put him in an even worse state. He sighed, what was he supposed to do ? How long could they really make it in those conditions ?Steve was feeling as pissed as ever, a bit for the lack of sleep and a lot for his own behaviour with Billy. He felt guilty for how he had just managed the conversation. He was hiding so many things about himself to the others, to Billy and more of all to himself. Yes he was afraid about knowing himself better, not that he was a mystery, but he was afraid of searching for some answers that he knew were there, hidden in his mind. He was scared that those answers would have just confirmed how he had already been appealed: Bullshit, Monster, Spoiled Boy, Fucked Up, Freak and Murderer. He was scared of himself. He didn’t want to be a bad person, he had tried his best, he was trying his best with the kids and with Billy. It was hard to not break down in front of them for all the shit he had been through and all the pain he was in now, both physically and mentally. He felt depressed and the weight of the little company was slowly turning into an insurmountable mountain. All those thoughts were giving him another headache. He was sure that a migraine was waiting for him soon.Max started the engine and off they were. Steve in the back tried to sleep, but Dusting was questioning him with Mike about the new plan. Lucas, God bless him, was much more interested in Max driving and Billy giving her advice. “When we reach Alaska, what will we do ?”“We will try to find a safe place and then we will try to communicate with El or Hopper or anyone who can pick up our signal.”“But we still need to find a radio !” Replied Mike.“I know and that’s why I included some big cities in our trip too !”“Will we stop for food too ?”“Yes of course”“Ohhh can we make pasta for dinner ?”“We will see what we can find”“But you promised !”“I don’t know Dustin, we don’t have much time to stop so often…” He was interrupted by Billy.“Pasta doesn’t take much time Steve ! We can easily do it in thirty minutes and maybe rest for the restant thirty, then get back on the road.”
“I….” Steve was too tired to disagree. One hour was precious and he really didn’t want to waste time like that.“Ohhh I’m so happy, I really want something warm and good for once in a while !” That was Max.Steve at that point couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He just spent the morning faking to listen to Mike and Dusting and watching outside the window.
At lunch he had a very bad headache, he barely ate the old bread they found in the mall. Dustin even offered him some candies. He finally could drive himself, it helped him to cope with the pain and his restless mind. Even when he was back home he would get his old BMW and drive away from his house, from his problems. Maybe he was just trying to run away from himself.The street was linear, but the snow had covered it so it was hard to hold the car’s wheels down all together. It felt almost like physical work. Billy had retired himself in the back of the car to sleep a bit, while Lucas had moved in the front to see more closely how Steve was driving. Steve couldn’t understand how the blonde could sleep in a moment like that or even with the kids laughing and making his own head hurt ?
Soon the sun went down and he was struggling recognising the right streets and turns. He asked Lucas to read the names of the roads that he had signed, but it wasn’t easy since not all of them were named in reality. It would have been so much easier to have a big arrow pointing in the right direction. Still Lucas was a great help for Steve. “Next one you should turn on the left.”“Thanks Lucas !”“Sure thing !”They stayed quiet for a few minutes, then Lucas interrupted suddenly.“Hey Steve, are we really going to make it ?”The question took Steve aback. He was so focused on himself and on his own faults that he hadn’t thought about the kids and their very own situation. Lucas had a sister and a nice family, he was a kind kid and smart. He probably had thought about his family a lot in the first weeks when they had left Hawkings. Steve felt bad, how could he have been so insensible and not empathetic towards the kids ? Yes he had talked with Dustin and Mike, Billy probably had spoken with Max. But what about Lucas ?
“Lucas, I….” He wanted to tell the truth to the little one so badly, the weight of another lie would have crushed him, but on the other hand it would have saved the little hope that was left in him. He did what was right to do at that moment: “I’m sure that everything will go well. You don’t have to worry about anything. Definitely Hopper has saved your family and everybody is ok.” It really made his heart cringe.“Are you sure about that ?” His voice felt sad.“Yes, you can sleep peacefully, soon we will be in Alaska and there we will contact El and Hopper.” God, he wanted to sink into the floor. “I’m glad, thanks Steve !”The brunette could only smile at the kid. It fucking hurt. At that point he wasn’t even believing that El or even Hopper could have been still alive, but that weight was for him alone to bear.
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At dinner break, they broke into a house. Putting on the stove a big pot with water was a great waste of time and resources for Steve. Water for cooking needed to be essential and not wasteful like that, but he didn’t comment on it. When it was boiling they throwed the pasta, which happened to be spaghetti. Steve liked cooking, but first he never had anyone in his life to teach him, second he was nauseated by the only thought of eating because of the constant headache he had all day long. He struggled a lot in making it. Max found a jar of pasta sauce in the pantry. They mixed it all together. The kids were super active and cheerful about cooking and moving around after a day of car sitting. Having a warm meal after so much time, was spreading enthusiasm in seconds. It’s so strange that for a thing like that, which was normal a few months ago, now seemed so important, almost a festivity. As soon as it was put in the plates, the little nerds started devouring it like they had been starving for a long time. Steve ate a few bites, then he was done. If he ate a little more he would have puked there, in front of them. Billy was eyeing him suspiciously. He had to take at least a few bites more or the blonde would be on his back soon. He forced himself. He could not keep it down for much time. He tried to wait for a moment where no eyes were on him, and he left the almost warm and illuminated room. After a few meters away from the door, he throwed up. It pained him to waste energy and food, but it wasn't his fault. His head was spinning and he fell on the ground. It took him a few good seconds to regain focus with his eyes. God he was tired, just the thoughts of getting up was making him want to sleep. He would have gladly laid there, on the white snow, but it was starting to get colder. He slowly got up and went back inside.“Steve ! Where were you ?”“Oh I just forgot something in the car” He lied, it was a white lie.“Well we had all the pasta, you should had waited a bit” Dustin sounded a bit sad, but Steve was happy that no more food had gone to waste. “Don’t worry, I was full” Billy eyed him like he was reading what had just happened. “Anyway let’s get going, we have a whole night for driving !”They all reluctantly climbed back in the car. The temperature was dropping very low and soon it was starting to get cold even inside the car. They got out the blankets. They still had some from Mrs Byers house. The kids played for some time, then they grew tired. “Hey guys it’s late ! You should go to sleep !”Dustin and Lucas had already made more than thirty yawns. It was obvious they didn’t want to sleep, but they were still young. “But it’s still early !” That was Max.“Com’on, we’ll be stopping in the morning to have some breakfast !” Steve tried to be cheerful, but he could feel his voice crack a bit.“Ohhhh but I wanted to win this turn !” That was Mike.“Hop hop, all to bed !” Billy was a great help when it was about scolding or putting the kids to bed. Well no bed for them till Alaska, so it was more correct to say to sleep. “Goodnight Guys !” Steve really meant it.“Night !”“Goodnight Steve !”The night was peaceful for Steve, that he could finally let his mind rest from all the noises and the confusion from that day. The road was somewhat easy to follow even with a day of driving on the shoulders. It was very late when suddenly Max started to make pained noises. At first Steve thought it was from a nightmare. They all had them sometimes. Steve’s ones were always about the kids and sometimes Nancy. yes the girl had traumatized him. Most of the times he was with the kids surrounded by demodogs and demogorgons. He tried to protect them from everything but always ended up alone and he could hear their voices calling for him, asking why he hadn’t saved them. The ones with Nancy had another taste, but if the ones including the kids always left him waking up screaming and sweating like mad, the ones with the girl left him sorrow and silent tears alongside a more depressing point of view of himself. He slowed down the car to get a better view of her face. He didn’t quite had the time to examine her when she woke up.“Ugh, I don’t feel so good… I need to get out, I think I….” She couldn’t finish the phrase that she started to throw up on the blanket.As soon as Steve saw that he stopped the car, while the others were waking up. They were all confused and a bit disgusted by the sight. Steve got out of the car immediately, frozen air hitting his face hard. Max was crying ashamed about the incident. “Max, sweetie, don’t worry. I’ll clean everything up. Are you ok ?”Everybody was out of the car, but suddenly Max vomited again. She seemed in great distress, clutching at her tummy as if she was about to throw up another time. Billy was kneeled beside her too. He didn’t know what to say.“Steve I don’t feel good too” Dustin's voice sounded so feeble and weak.In a second the kid was puking too, after a few confusing minutes everybody apart from Steve were vomiting in various places around the car. Max was clutching at Steve's jacket. He was speechless. “What.. what is happening ?” She sounded scared.Steve was thinking hard to put a reason behind the sudden group sickness. “Oh…” He knew. “The sauce”“The sauce ?”“Yes, I think you got sick because of it, I…..” He didn’t want to say it out loud that he had thrown up before without telling them. “Because you threw it up right after the dinner, so you are not sick now !” Billy’s voice was shaking, but at the same time it had a blaming feeling like he had known it for a long time. There were gasps from all the kids apart from Mike, who looked another way.“I….”“Steve, is this true ? Are you sick ?” Max asked. Everybody was looking at him in a scared way.“I….”“Yes, he had post concussion syndrome and it’s pretty bad too. Fuck we are fucked up !” Billy was desperate and griefing. The kids seemed shocked to hear the blonde speak like that.“We will never get to Alaska ! You have a fucked up head because of me and now we got food poisoning ! How are we supposed to get there ? Driving all day and night ? With everybody sick ?” Now Billy was screaming and crying at the same time. Steve's breathing was accelerated, he was trying to not panic, but Billy was right. They were fucked up. He didn’t notice himself falling down his knees, his legs were not sustaining him anymore. For a second, the others voices seemed distant and anaudible. He forgot how to breathe and he was struggling to get air into his lungs. He felt like crying and curling up on the iced asphalt. “I’m… I’m sorry, it’s my fault, I should have checked it before… before, I’m sorry i should have been more careful with the food, I….” He couldn’t go on.He gulped down the bile that was rising in his mouth. His head felt like it was exploding. How much he had wished that the ground would swallow him down. He looked up, everyone was looking at him with horrified looks of realisation. He saw the same faces that hunted his dreams, the same hopeless eyes of the kids, his kids. This was a real nightmare. No he couldn’t bear this to happen in reality, he had sworn to protect the kids, he had sworn to never see that sadness. He had sworn. He had sworn to himself. His heart jolted. He needed to find the last remaining energy to give them the last chance they had to have some kind of hope to survive this hell. “No ! We will make it !” He got up slowly. “I will drive till Billy is recovered enough and everybody is back to normal. I haven’t been affected by the food poisoning so you have to let me guide you. I’m sorry if I hid my condition from you, but it should have been something temporary and it turned out to be longer than I would have liked it to be. I’m sorry, but now we need to change plans and get the hell out of here.”He hoped he had somehow infused into them the little courage from desperation he had left inside his tired mind. Nobody was speaking, he started to tremble, did they not believe in him anymore ? had he hid too many things from them to get back their trust ? Did he surpass some kind of invisible line to their faith ?“I believe in you” Dustin said crying. The kid was obviously in pain and scared, but he stood up like a real hero for the brunette.“I believe you” Mike stood up too.“I believe you too !” Lucas was the only one with no tears in the eyes.“Me too !” Max had regained some strength and she was now able to stand on her own.Everyone of them had shown some form of love, they were as tired as he was of all the bad things that they had to face up in the last weeks. They were sharing the love and the hopes. Only Billy was still on the floor, his eyes unfocused, looking in the dark of the night towards the horizon. Steve approached him, still shaking either for the cold or the emotions. “Billy” He put an hand on his shoulder. “We can still make it ! You have to trust me, we can do this !” His voice sounded calm and somehow old. Steve had grown more in those weeks than in his entire life probably.“We can make it to Alaska !”Billy just turned his head looking straight into his eyes, those beautiful sea blue eyes.“I don’t know where you found the force to say that, but we have no choice.”“I know it’s hard but we can do this !”Billy looked at him again, he seemed like a lost puppy in search of his mum. Steve couldn’t help but hug him instinctively. In a few seconds all the kids were approaching them and pile up to the hug. For a few seconds Steve felt overwhelmed by the luck he had to have found such good people in this living hell.“We can do this !”And just like that they were back on the road again.
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Soon they all started to have a fever and nausea, everybody was shivering either for the temperature or the cold. Steve had to stop the car so many times to let the kids and Billy too, get the food out of their stomach or better the bile that was left. He was feeling quite well in comparison. Apart from the migraine that hadn’t left him in peace for some days, he was feeling well. It seemed strange, but his post concussion syndrome had saved not only his life, but also the others one. If he had been sick as them it would have been impossible to drive for long periods and continue all day long. Steve had decided to take a few hours off, not more than three when he was really exhausted, so that he could recharge a bit and drive better once rested. It wasn’t easy, don’t get him wrong, however it was the only solution the group could have ever had; the only hope to get to Alaska, and they were already backwards by many miles. He was trying to concentrate on the road other than his family. He was very worried about their health, he was not a doctor nor he had ever had to cope with so many sick people his whole life. Mentally he was scanning in his memory if in the cabinet from his home, where his mother always kept all sorts of pills and tablets just in case, there had been something for stomach ache or vomit, so that he could have looked for a specific medicine once in a pharmacy. He had even looked at the map over and over again to see if he could find a place big enough to own a pharmacy or an hospital. At that point he was kind of stressing over getting them better soon. The sooner they were back to normal the sooner he was going to rest his pained mind and let Billy drive. The little company found that it was hard to sit upright when you are burning up with stomach cramps, and crowded as they were in a car that had been built for only five people wasn’t pleasant at all. Billy was shifting right and left trying to find a position that could make the pain go away, but there wasn’t one really. The kids were beyond exhaustion too. They had been awake all night almost because of the discomfort, the kids at some point had fallen asleep not being able to keep their eyes open, but Billy had been fully awake the whole time. Steve knew that he was suffering too, even if the blonde didn’t make any noise the whole trip. Still the brunette could see his bloodshot eyes staring in an undefined object on the car dashboard. Sometimes Steve would take the occasion to move his hand near the californian knee and squeeze it to let Billy know he was there and that everything was going to get better from there. At first Billy didn’t respond, if not with a sudden little jolt. However after many attempts from Steve he turned his sweat pearled face towards the other boy, and they looked in eachothers eyes. Billy smiled, it was very little even so it was there and that’s all Steve needed at the moment. The brunette drove all night long, often checking in the rearview mirror how the kids were. They decided that it was best to stop at the first pharmacy to get some kind of medicines and all sorts or things that could have helped with a fever and an upset stomach. Mike had a really high fever, and Steve was really worried about the kid. Max was the one feeling better, she just had a slight fever with an upset stomach. While Dustin and Lucas were in a moderate distress from their tummy. If Max could eat something very light, like bread and water, the others kept throwing up even water. Billy was feeling between Mike and Lucas, he hadn’t drank any water since the night before and refused all the things that Steve was insistently presenting to him. They were all more pale and Mike had turned slightly reddish as the fever had increased. Billy in particular had been putting on and off his thick jacket as he was feeling cold and hot. Steve had tried to set the conditioner at a normal temperature, but they were suffering either way. The car air had become stiff and smelled of bile, but the brunette didn’t comment on it since that’s more than normal when there is a sick person around, let alone five of them. He didn’t open the window because he knew that outside was far too frosty for their state. Finally at 10 am they reached a little city and Steve drove in many directions, always looking at the map so that he could discover what they were eager to obtain. Eventually, after 20 minutes that felt like an hour to Steve and two for the others, they spotted a pharmacy. It was on the west side of the “historic” part of the town. Harrington got out of the car holding his nailed bat. Billy was in no shape to pick any lock, God Steve wasn’t sure if the Californian could even stand without support at the moment. Nobody from the car moved. Only Max slowly got out after sometime, to stretch her legs. She looked better than last night. “Stay back Max, I’m going to break the glass !”Steve gripped hard the hold of his bat and with a champion swing he crashed the display case of the little shop. The nails plunged in the transparent material like it was butter. The glass shattered all around him, it was a nice slowed video. His eyes shut tight with his long hairs flowing back while the knife-like splinters were spreading in the air, sparkling as the first rays of sunshine were appearing from the clouds above; his mouth covered by the thick scarf knotted in the back. He had to admit that it felt good to destroy something and release some stress that had built up in the last few weeks, if not months. He should have started to smash things a lot sooner ! Feeling like some kind of bad and cool boy, the long haired stepped into the little room. The shards crunched underneath his shoes. It was filled with many advertisements of any kind of product from the flu to the cough. Well it was winter and colds and sore throats were a daily routine for a pharmacy like that. It took him quite some time to read all the labels of many colorful pills. There were pills for everything. At last he found something for an upset stomach, for the fever he just took some cold tablets hoping that they would have worked the same. He spent even five minutes looking for if he found some pain killers for his migraine, the pills Billy had given him had been finished many days prior. Unluckily he couldn’t find anything. He turned back to the car where Lucas had got out of the car too, Max was chatting with him. “I got everything, now you guys need to shallow this with some water.” He tried to sound cheerful.The long haired boy opened the baggage compartment and took out two bottles of water. “You can do it alone” He said while handing over one to Max and Lucas. “I’ll tend to the others ok ?” He gave them four pills.Steve turned on the other side of the car to find Billy sitting with the car door open. “Found something ?” The blond asked. His voice sounded weak and restless.“Yeah, I think I got something boh for the fever and for the stomach pain. Here” Billy took the pills and the bottle gladly. Seeing him in the sunlight made Steve realize that Billy had lost weight too, his once tanned skin was more greysh now, and his eyes were more grey than blue too. Steve looked at him as he swallowed everything down.“Let’s hope they will kick in soon !” Billy said with a hint of a smile.Steve took the bottle and opened the back door. Mike was half awake and half asleep, poor kid, Steve thought. “Hey Mike, I have something for you, just swallow this and you’ll feel better soon ! I promise !”The kid was barely staying seated on his own. The long haired boy put an arm around his torso to keep him more upright. Mike had always been the one with the harder relationship among the kids. He was the brother of Nancy and Steve was or had been pretty sure that he hated or had hated him a lot because of that. The kid took the medicine without complaints, he just coughed a bit. Dustin was next !“Hey buddy !” Steve tried to be somehow happy near the curly boy. Even if it wasn’t immediately noticeable Steve believed that he was the most sensitive out of them all. “Got something for you !”Dustin smiled at him, the kid was so cute, Steve truly felt like a brother towards him.“Thanks, I can’t stand this any longer !” His voice trembled a bit. Steve patted his head slowly in an affectionate way. The brunette waited some minutes before starting the car again, he wanted to make sure they were going to keep the pills and water down. It was a blessing that nobody retched. Some time later, the sun was completely up, and the clouds were now on the horizon.“Anyone up to eat something ?” Steve sounded hoarse from all the hours he had spent driving and entertaining the kids by chatting. “I almost feel hungry !” Billy had completely changed, the fever had gone down and his skin was a more natural color too.“Ok we can stop and see what we have in the car or if you prefer we can look for some food in the next village, still I believe it’s better if you start to eat something plain and easy to digest….”“Mama Steve in action again !” Max exclaimed.“You guys know that it’s for the best ! What about some canned soup ?” There was a whole “Noooooo” and fake gagging sounds from the kids and Billy. “Com’on it’s not that bad !” Steve stated.“Yeah yeah, that’s what a mother would say !” That was Billy, much to Steve's surprise.“Then it’s decided ! Soup for everyone !” Steve almost laughed at the pained noises and complaints from the others, but he himself wasn’t sure he could have stomached something more. His migraine was getting worse and he was feeling some nausea too. He had skipped so many meals in the last few days that he was growing weak by the moment. His left hand was throbbing badly since he had been gripping the steering wheel for… what was that ? More than a day ? Yeah he surely was tired, the road covered in ice and slightly snow didn’t help to keep a light guidance. That’s why he had sneaked into his jacket’s pocket a bottle of funny little yellow pills that his father often used to work night and day. He knew that they were drugs and with his brain so messed up, he shouldn’t take anything, but who was going to know ? And who was going to drive if not him ?They stopped to warm the canned soup up with the help of a little fire. Mike still had a fever and Lucas confessed that he wasn’t feeling up to eat anything. Steve didn’t push the matter since he didn’t want to eat too. Surely he forced himself since many more hours of driving were waiting for him. Billy was significantly feeling better, but it would have been best if he rested a bit more too. Steve just needed to take the second yellow pill of the day. The first had been his very own special breakfast, while the new one would be his lunch. Yes it wasn’t an healthy way to cope with his problems, still it wasn’t to be for a long time, just a few more hours or days for what he knew, it was the best alternative.
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It was true that the pill was an help. Steve had been feeling low on energy and about to fall asleep before they stopped for lunch. Now it felt like adrenaline was flowing into his veins giving him new vitality, even his head felt lighter. Still his headache wasn’t passing, but Steve didn’t expect it to.
Billy had gone to sleep in the back, probably he needed to sleep off the fever that was still high. Steve hoped he could get better as soon as possible, he didn’t know how much longer he could have kept driving like that. Surely he couldn’t have driven for the night too. Maybe with the help of some more pills…..The kids were quieter than usual, yet they too were less vigorous from all the sickness and the car sitting from the day prior. At some point they all dozed off. Steve was left alone, on one hand the silence helped his hurting brain even so it let his mind speak too loud. Some bad thoughts were resurfacing from the depth of his intellect. They kept travelling for one day and one night. Steve had to take not one, not two, but three pills for the day and four for the night. He knew that it wasn’t a good thing to do after all the trauma his head had taken, however he was the only one fit enough to the task.
He welcomed with gratitude when finally the gentle light of the dawn started to show the way. It was really hard to drive on a frozen road without any illumination. When the sun came up he had already taken another yellow tablet. They stopped for half an hour to get some blood in the legs and give the kids the pills. Max seemed completely healed, even Lucas had regained a more normal appetite. Billy was still cautious with food, Dustin too. Mike still had a rather high fever, yet he was able to eat some bread with jam. Steve ate too, he didn’t know if the pills were easing his nausea or he was finally having no more influence from his migraine. The day went on rather smoothly. Everyone was either sleeping or looking out the window. They stopped again for lunch, eating whatever they had in the car. Steve took his third pill since dawn. Instead of eating, he had noticed how food was somehow interfering with the effects, he rather preferred to feel adrenaline like they had put a cup of coffee directly in his veins. It was a good feeling for the moment. The afternoon was passing too, still Steve was feeling the effects wearing off. He had taken the fourth tablet since lunch, but this one wasn’t making any difference. It was strange because all the others had pumped his system just a few minutes after the assumption. In spite of that, the next few hours he started to feel a buzzing background noise. At first he didn’t understand if the car had something off. He had asked Lucas who had woken up before the others. But the kid didn’t seem to hear anything. Then he noticed that the sound was increasing slightly, was he going mad ? It felt like he was perceiving his own blood rush through his veins near his ears. Actually he was sensing his heartbeat going faster than normal. He just casted aside these thoughts. Everything was still normal, or better he was still able to drive and talk with sense. He hadn’t felt so strong and vigilant in days. So it was going to be fine.The good feeling passed rather quickly, the kids one by one woke up and started to make more confusion like before the accident. It was a good sign, Steve thought, except for the migraine that started to kick in more than ever. Billy woke up too, and was now on the front with Steve.“You look better !” The brunette stated.“I feel better after that sleep, it was nice.” Billy said, stretching his arms.“Glad to hear it”Steve had hoped for a moment that the blonde would have said something about taking the wheel for some hours. Yes the pills had made him like an indefatigable machine, however he was starting to feel the effect wearing off.After half an hour his head was pounding hard, he had to admit he wasn’t feeling well at all. He was sweating, but didn’t feel cold nor hot. His hands were starting to shake. He had kept going since the lunch break just fine, why was he feeling so bad now ? His mind couldn’t grasp the answer. He wanted to take another yellow tablet, just for precaution, maybe the effects were wearing off faster. Maybe the pills had expirated and the effects were more limited. “Hey Steve, are you ok ?” Billy was watching him closely, he had seated up and now was eyeing him with a scared look.“Y-yeah I was a-about to take a bathroom b-break !” His head felt like it was exploding. He stopped the car abbrutily, the kids grumbled for the sudden alt. Steve stumbled out leaving the car door open without acknowledging it. He needed to get far from the car so that he could open the pill’s bottles without being seen. He wanted to keep his short and temporary addiction a secret. When he was far enough he took out the container. Except his hands were shaking so bad. The plug seemed stuck, the long haired boy was struggling to open it. Finally it opened, however the pills flew up and Steve found himself trying to pick up the little things from the snow beside the street moaning as the pain stinged rather forcefully. He was starting to feel worse, he was ravenously attempting to fetch them. He wanted to scream, instead he started to cough horribly. He retched forcefully without acknowledging the sudden act. Suddenly a big strong hand was grabbing his wrist and turning him away from the wet and cold floor. “What the fuck are you doing ?” The voice sounded scared and astonished.“I…” Steve was at a loss of words. His mind was burning and then suddenly he was falling. He was having another crisis. It took him some moments to understand what was happening. The pain doubled and he was out cold. -§-Billy had waited in the car for the long haired boy to return, after so many minutes he hadn’t seen anybody come back.
When it was obvious that the break was more than a bathroom stop, Billy had climbed out of the car to look for him. Try to imagine his surprise when he had found the brunette crunched down on the snow shaking like mad, breathing heavily and whining like a wounded animal. The californian had watched him closely expecting that he might have hurt himself somehow. Maybe he had fallen since there was ice everywhere. Billy himself had made some nasty tromples, and they sure hurted like hell. Still when he found Steve, he could detect there was something off with what he was seeing in that moment, but Billy couldn’t quite catch it.
He had approached the other, staying a bit far from him. He didn’t want to hurt Steve’s pride. Man ! The boy always tried to hide when he was sick or hurt and ok… Billy understood the fact that he didn’t want to look like a weak girl, but hell sometimes it’s better to ask for help before the problems get out of hand. “Hey Steve, everything ok ?”To his surprise Steve didn’t answer.“Hey Steve !” He tried a bit louder.The brunette didn’t turn around and was kneeling down in the snow, coughing rather forcefully. “What the fuck !” Billy couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Steve was on the side of the road, with, God knows only, yellow pills that Billy had never seen before, coughing and retching nothing but acid. He had tried to ask what were all those yellow things and what he was doing, but the brunette had just had the time to make out a word then in a second he had collapsed again in his arms. Billy was freaking out: Steve had bloodshot eyes and he wasn’t looking at him. Suddenly his ocular orbs had rolled back and he started convulsing. The blonde was scared, he had never seen anyone have a seizure and for sure he wasn’t expecting to see Steve have one. “Oh my God ! Steve ! Can you hear me ?” He asked not waiting for an answer, yet hoping for one.The snow helped mitigate the trashing, however blood had started to come out of his lips and nose. Billy was trying to keep him still to try to lessen the sudden movements or else he was going to hurt himself. Slowly Steve started to become inert so that Billy could finally check his head and mouth. The blonde was astonished by how lifeless Steve looked. He cautiously opened the jaw while holding the head. “Fuck !” He swore.More blood came out and it was now obvious that he had bit his tongue, not much, just on the side yet it was an highly vascularized muscle and it would have bleed even for a scratch. “God ! Steve… Why ?” He was speechless.Billy, truly, was blaming himself. Why hadn’t he seen it coming ? Why had he let him drive for so long ? Why hadn’t he forced him to take a break and rest knowing how hard it is to keep driving when you have been up for more than a day ? Why hadn’t he noticed all the symptoms that had been there ? Billy was afraid to move him, however it was evening and it was starting to get cold. The kids had been alone in the car the whole time without protection. When he tried to lift Steve he noticed that he had wet himself.“Fuck !” He swore again.He needed to change him and he was sure that the boy didn’t want the kids to see him like that. Leaving Steve alone, in the snow, felt extremely dangerous, so he did the only thing he thought of: he screamed. Surely the kids were on alert by now.“Max ! Max ! Come here !” The red haired girl came running, concern in her eyes when she spotted Billy holding Steve on the ground. Behind her Lucas with the same expression of worry.“Don’t come near, just go get me the big blue bag in the trunk !”“But… is he ?” Her voice sounded frightened. “Not now ! Just go !” He interrupted her.She disappeared with Lucas and after a few seconds they came back with the bag and a blanket. “Thanks ! Just go back in the car now !”“But”“Not now ! We will talk later, he is ok !” Billy didn’t know if he was saying that as a reassurance for her or for himself.
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Billy was concerned. Having seen Steve having a seizure and passing out in his arms, had shaken him from deep. How far Steve had gone ? Was he going to be ok ? The californian had already had to take care of him when he was out for eight days because of the concussion, then he had had the accident with the car and then he and Mike had been separated and another crisis had occurred to the brunette. Now this…. Billy was mentally drained. He had felt or better was feeling something towards the other boy, but keeping seeing him versing in those conditions was clearly taking a toll on his mind. Billy himself had had a difficult childhood and not good parenting. Since his mother's death when he was five, he was left alone with his father. That abusive, drunkard and violent man had ruined his life. At first Billy thought that he had started drinking because of the grief from the loss they had to cope with, but growing up he had started to understand where all those bruises from his mother's face came from. She had never told him how abusive he had been, only when she had been no longer there, Billy experienced what it felt like to be “loved” by his dad. How could a violent act be called love ? He didn’t know. Surely growing up with that monster had put him in a condition of being abused or becoming a monster himself. And we all know how it turned out. The once soft and cute boy in a few years had become an empty person with a facade for everyone else to see. He had started to change his clothes, his hairs, his body, hitting the gym as much as he could. He had changed friends since the old ones had been called fags by his dad and then by him too. His way of speaking had become harsh and full of swears, his mother had educated him with good manners, but she wasn’t there anymore. He had built a character within the years that appeared strong, well built, leader like and not inferior to anyone. Everything seemed to fit for Billy, yes he hadn’t true friends or good people around him… No, he hated those kinds, but everything was shaken up when his father told him he had another woman. All Billy had thought at that moment had been: What ? How ? He had been shocked by the news, his father with another woman that wasn’t his mother ? In a few words his world had crumbled again. He had screamed and argued with his father, but he had hit him forcing the blond to keep quiet and accept even that form of abuse: another woman with a little girl that soon would have become his sister without him even knowing the name. When he had met Susan and Max his face had been still bruised from the week before, his father had obliged him to say it came from a fall off the bike. Susan seemed a good woman, but Billy was not ready to open his heart again to another human. Max, on the other hand, irritated him. Neil was behaving with her like she was his daughter, he had never been so caring or even just like a father to Billy. Seeing him act in such a manner with that silly girl had pained him a ton, he hadn’t felt so betrayed and not wanted since his mother's death. She had really loved and cherished him, she had been the only one to show him love. After some time Neil had applied for another job out of California. Billy hadn’t even visited the neighboring states. He loved California, he had all his companionship, the climate was mite and most importantly he had all the sea he wanted. Obviously they had to move to the shittiest place in the whole USA: Hawkings in Indiana. When Billy first arrived there, the first impression was how cold it felt even if it was summer. It was strange. Even if the weather was hot, it didn’t resemble the californian dry and tropical summer. It just felt different and wrong, wrong because that wasn’t feeling like home. The blonde had had a few weeks before starting the new school, he had gone out trying to find a place to have some fun in that shithole of a town. The chicks weren’t as pretty as in California, but he surely wasn’t giving in. Soon he had become popular and his fame had grown so much that he was absolutely certain that even in the new school he would have been the most wanted for parties and for the girls. Yet he had heard about another boy who had been in his same position, a certain Steve Fucking Harrington that everybody was calling King. No, Billy had never met the boy, but he surely had started to hate him even before knowing how he looked like. He was the only one that could have held the title of King in the town. He had decided that Harrigton was going to be a dead man soon enough. The first day of school finally he had made his official appearance. He had dressed with his best clothes, made his hair like the latest fashion and put on some cologne, God knows how much chicks liked that smell. And then, without even knowing it, he had come through his rival. Billy didn’t expect someone like Steve being able to carry a title as King. He was a lot shorter than him, more on the skinny side and for what Billy could see, without any charm. However there was something that Billy could feel as soon as Harrington spoke, he captured people towards him. It was like feeling a gravitational force dragging people towards that tuft of hairs. From that very moment they were going to be enemies, and he wasn’t going to let Steve live in peace till he was just a leftover of society. The blonde had started to gather information about Steve, he had become friends with Harrington’s ex best friend Bobby. Bobby was a good fella, but he surely was stupid and short in the mind. Billy could use some puppets by his side. He had entered the school basketball team where Steve had been the captain. As soon as Billy entered he could see there was no match to him from any other player in the team, apart from Steve. Still he was too light and Billy could easily move him, and by moving he meant pushing and throwing the poor boy when he was near the ball or about to make a point. After some time, he had started to make very nasty comments about Harrington during practice, in the showers, in the corridors and in the canteen. Steve was obviously avoiding him, and Billy knew that that was only the start. He wanted to make the other beg to be left alone. What he didn’t expect was for Steve to come to him. It had been a long day and they had had four hours of training with the coach. Billy had been laughing with Bobby and the others about Steve, making jokes about his way of playing. Steve clearly had been listening to every word, yet he never made a comment about it. Then suddenly, in the parking lot, the brunette had approached him. Billy could still remember his words:“If you want the title of King so badly, then take it ! I don’t want it anyway !”His voice had sounded so lifeless and so serious. Yet Billy had grinned at that ! He had won ! He was the next King of that shithole. Now that he was holding that frail body in his arms all those bad things he had done and said about the boy were resurfacing. The title of King and captain of the basketball team seemed so distant and trivial. He was regretting how he had behaved with him. Steve was a wonderful person, however Billy feared he had broken him up too much. Maybe Steve was hiding so many things because of how things had turned out between them in school and on that damned night at the Byers house. He felt like he didn’t belong there. Billy took with shaking hands the bag and the blanket from Mx and Lucas. “Go back in the car and wait there ! I… We will come soon.”Max and Lucas exchanged looks, but agreed. Billy was left there in the cold and dark night that was now obscuring everything. He quickly changed Steve with a pair of sweatpants, they were not going to keep him warm but the others clothes were too big for him. Billy wrapped him in the thich cover. He lifted the boy easily making sure that he was holding the head right, he made his way to the road. As soon as he arrived all the kids got out of the car. Max was hugging Lucas tightly and they both appeared shaken, Dustin was crying and Mike walked towards them.“W-what happened to him ?” The little kid’s voice trembled.Billy didn’t know how to answer. He lifted his head from Steve's bloody face to meet Mike’s eyes. He had planned to lie, but how could he now ? Seeing those scared faces, he couldn’t bring himself to lie for the nth time. “He had a seizure.” He said in a small voice.The kids were petrified, their little eyes looking frantically to Steve’s body lying lifelessly in Billy’s arms. “B-but he had never had a s-seizure before.” Dustin said.“Yeah ! When he had that crisis with me he didn’t convulse at all, he just screamed, but he was in his mind !” Mike stated.“No, he took something to stay awake all this time and with all his problems from the post concussion… he shouldn’t have taken anything and he probably overdosed too…” Billy didn’t need to continue. He didn’t want to continue. Mike and Dustin gasped and Max turned to Lucas crying even harder. Billy sighed and carefully placed the sick boy in the front seat. Steve seemed dead, only the steady movement of his torso was telling that he was still alive and breathing.
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He was in the dark. He couldn’t feel anything. He just existed. Then slowly there was a sound that was barely perceptible. It seemed like water, a water drop falling down a sink. He listened to it till the rumor was more audible. Then Suddenly, he was percepting other things, he couldn’t only listen, but he could feel himself too. He was filling a space, he was something, water touching him as if the floor had been flooded by some inches. The water felt still. He stayed still for a time that he couldn't quite measure. Maybe some hours passed like that, slowly he started to move. He could move. First his arms, then his feet. He didn’t know he had eyes, or else he would have probably tried to open them too. The water moving along him was making little sounds too. It was making him company. After another indefinable time, he grew tired of only listening and feeling. He wasn't feeling either good or bad, he was simply feeling. The discovery almost made him smile. Afterwards he could feel his nose, his mouth, his lungs, his chest. He was breathing. It felt strange at first, as discovering something you were obscured about. Breathing felt natural. He was hearing his breath. It was long, not too deep, slow and calm. The sound was very clear and almost enjoyable. He passed many dozens of breaths listening to the water and himself while letting the water touch his skin. Subsequently he felt something, he felt the urge to do something. His mind was itching with many thoughts about what to do, and in a moment he had opened his eyes. It was weird. Eyes closed and eyes open didn’t make any difference. However he could feel that there was a difference, but still couldn’t catch it. He spent more breaths looking. You may question: at what ? At the darkness. Before he was in the darkness, and now he was in the darkness again, yet he could see. He could finally see. He let himself adjust with the new gained power. He had an idea. He brought his hands in front of his eyes. He was very surprised to find out that he wasn’t part of the darkness itself. He was something else. His hands were almost white in contrast to the pitch black background. It was very beautiful to see them moving. Then he wanted to try something. He wondered if his feet were white as his hands. So he tried to sit. He very slowly pulled himself up from the very pleasant water. To his surprise he was dressed in whie clothes. His feet, the same color as his hands, were bare. He kept staring at them for a while. There was the boy, the water, the darkness. Suddenly the sound of the dropping water stopped. He found himself turning around as if to see, or better expecting something to appen. Nothing happened. Yet his scenario changed. Everything was silent now. He could only hear himself. He slowly stood. He took the time to look in the water that was as dark as the air around him. Still he could see his reflex in it. Strangely enough he could see all of himself apart from his face, that wasn’t focused as if his eyes couldn’t quite see clearly the image.
What was he doing there ? What was his purpose ? Was he expected to do something ? He didn’t know.Billy drove till late night, he had regained some strength, also Steve was nowhere to wake up soon. The kids were all silent, except for Mike who was really worried about what had happened to Steve. To Billy he was a bit of a mystery, he had always felt like Mike disliked Steve or even hated him. Billy knew about the relationship Steve had had with Nancy and that it hadn’t been all roses. He knew that they had broken up in a bad manner. Hell, the whole school had been talking about it for at least three weeks, they had been the “perfect” couple for so long. Yet Billy didn't know how that had affected Mike too, surely something must have happened for the kid to have a certain behaviour before all that shit happened. Still Billy couldn’t find a reason for Mike to suddenly worry about him like that. “What did he take ?”“I don’t know”“But did you see what the pill was ?”“No, I just saw that he was trying to get some yellow pills, I don’t know what they are.”“But they must have been in a container or something. There should be a label written on it.”“There is nothing on it, I checked but there is just a generic label.”“How could it be ?”“Look Mike, I am as surprised as you. If I knew that he had taken something, I would have stopped him and made sure that he took a break.” He sighed, regretting deeply to have not noticed what was happening. “We should have stopped for the night.”“Why did he do something like that ? Why didn't he tell us ?” The kid's voice broke.“I don’t know.” Or better Billy was suspecting that behind all those lies were hiding all those insecurities and traumas that he had to cope with. The blonde actually didn’t know what was laing under the surface of Steve’s problems, however he wanted the boy to rely on him more instead of burying in deep his difficulties. He wanted to be someone that Steve could turn to in difficult times, someone that he could confide in. While the long haired boy seemed to hold everything for himself, never asking for anything, never requesting for help. Why was it so difficult for him to just admit that he couldn’t do everything alone ? And why wasn’t Steve telling him the whole story ? He had already said something about a murder, yet Billy didn’t know anything about that story. He looked back towards Steve, he was pale and barely breathing. Maybe it was better to stop for the night, even if they were beyond the scheduled time. Steve wouldn’t have approved and he would have been right. Billy could drive all night long and Max could have done the day. Even because Billy was sure that he would have been wide awake to look after Steve. He wanted to be there in case something might have happened and after a seizure he didn’t want to leave him alone. They kept going on the road stopping just a few times when Billy thought that Steve wasn’t breathing. They were all fake alarms, still Billy was concerned and couldn’t make up his mind about the other being alive and finally sleeping beside him. “Are you going to drive all night ?” Max had woken up, she was looking at Steve.“If I feel up to it, I will.” He whispered not wanting the others to get up too.“What if you don’t feel up to it ?”“Then we will stop for the night in an house somewhere.”There was a pause between them.“Hey Billy, I wanted to thank you about all of this.”Billy lifted an eyebrow.“What do you mean ?”“You know about doing things and helping out, and well… taking care of us and Steve too !”Billy hadn’t expected Max to speak like that to him. He felt his heart warm up a bit. She was his little sister at the end and even if he didn’t want to admit it out loud he cared for her a lot. “Don’t even mention it !”“You are really nice… Big Bro” She whispered the last part, but Billy, who had been concentrating on Steve’s breathing the whole trip, heard it loud and clear.“Love you too Little Sis, now go to sleep, you need to be rested if you are going to drive tomorrow.”“Night”“Night”Finally Billy had made a connection with Max, he was feeling happy. She had been like an insurmountable peak, but in the end the view was truly beautiful, yet it was only the start. The californian knew he still had a lot to learn about her and himself, making their relationship more deep and close as a brother and sister. Morning came and Billy was still driving. He was tired now and soon after the first rays of sun came out he stopped to move out a bit and check on Steve. The boy hadn’t even stirred since the accident. Billy touched his forehead. He had indeed a fever, still the blonde had expected it. There were still a few tablets from when they had got the food poisoning. However Billy decided to leave it be. Steve had already intoxicated himself enough. He just put some bigger pants on the sweatpants he was already wearing. He was slightly trembling. B
illy frowned. He was indeed tired, maybe a three hours stop was needed. Even because Steve wasn’t looking so good.
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He had been there for quite some time. He had tried to walk and find the end of that room, if it was a room. Unfortunately for him, he kept walking but nothing changed. He felt tired at some time so he just sat back again. There were no sounds around him. He was starting to worry. What was he supposed to do ? He felt like he was forgetting something, but he couldn’t really remer what. He had been trapped for what felt like days. He had another idea. He asked.“Hey ! Is there anybody ?” He was waiting for the darkness or the water to answer him, since they had been his very own companions for such a long time. However, no one answered. He was sad. “What do I have to do ?”Still no response. He waited many breaths then he laid down in a fetal position. He wasn’t cold, he just felt lonely. He fell asleep. He was suddenly woken up by a voice. A voice ? Was there someone else with him ? At first he thought he must have imagined it, there was silence all around. He lifted himself up.“Is there someone ?” His own voice trembled either because of the emotion or the scare.Still no response. He was about to lay down again. When he heard something again. It was distant from where he was, but it was there.“Hey !” He said while walking where the sound came from.“HEY !!” He screamed, he started to run. Was he getting crazy ?“Please, talk again !” He encouraged the voice.He was tired of running. His steps slowed down as his breath came out uneven. He wasn’t feeling well. His limbs felt heavy and sluggish.“HEEEEEYYY !!!” He yelled. He waited for a response, but nothing came. After some intense moments he turned to walk away from his madness. He was indeed feeling down.“Steve ?” He turned immediately. “El ?” The words escaped his mouth before he could think of them. In front of him there was a scrawny girl with dark hairs that was looking shocked at him.“Steve ?” She repeated with loss. “What are you doing here ?”He was confused. He wanted to ask her what was here. His ears were listening more to his heartbeat which was racing faster.“Here ?” he questioned.“What happened to you ? Where are the others ?” “The others ?” Why was she asking him about others while he wasn’t even quite sure who was himself ?“Steve…” She sounded so worried and astonished. She moved towards him with steady big steps. He backed off a bit. Yes he was scared. On the contrary, he felt very clumsy, in fact he fell down. She kneeled down touching his shoulder. “Steve ! What happened ? Where is Mike ?”“Mike ?” He repeated, that name sounded familiar. What was he missing ? Suddenly he had a sharp pain in his head, he screamed for it. She let go of his shoulder, scared about his behavior. He was in pure agony, blood trickling down his nose. In a moment he remembered: the kids, Mike, Dustin, Max, Lucas and Billy too. Oh God ! What had he done ? He had been driving and then …. And then he had felt the urge to take another pill and then he had another crisis….. but it had felt different. He usually stayed awake and lucid during the crisis, while now he was dreaming ? Was this a dream ? It surely seemed like one.“El ? Is that really you ?” He slowly seated back.“Yes ! Are you alright ?”“W-we are trying to reach Alaska as Hopper said, but it’s almost impossible. There is snow and it’s very cold. The streets are not clean and it’s hard to drive. But everyone is safe and Mike tried to contact you with a radio but couldn’t quite make a connection…. We got attacked by demodogs and we lost the radio.” “Why are you here ? Don’t you know that this place is dangerous ?”“What is this place ?” This was indeed a strange dream, different from anything he had ever experienced.“Steve…. This is the void.”“L-like when you entered your mind and could sense where Will was ?”“Yes and you shouldn’t be here !”“I don’t know, I just found myself here…. How can I get back ?”“If you are here there must be something….” She didn’t finish the phrase.“Something ?”She seemed into deep thoughts and then her eyes widened. She came closer to him and put both hands on the side of his head.“El ?”“Make silence, I need to concentrate.”He kept his mouth shut, afraid even to breathe. After a few seconds blood started to come out of her nose too. Seeing this Steve tried to stop the girl from hurting herself, but she shushed him again. Instantly he felt a sharp pain again, like when he had one of his crises. Immediately she backed off.His head was exploding, he screamed but as soon as she let go the pain subdued and slowly it went back to a more bearable migraine.“S-Steve, y-you…. You are in danger !” He barely heard her with his ears about to collapse.“W-what…. you…. m-mean ?”“There… there is something wrong with your head….”“M-my….. head ?..... Y-yeah, I-I had a con…cussion.”“No it’s not that !” She was staring at him literally in horror. “You have something…”“What….. what do you mean ?” “I… I don’t know. I can sense that something is wrong… you are in danger !”“No, it’s ok…. I’m fine…” He tried to get up, but in a second he was down again, his body not really responding to his mind anymore.“You need to go back now !”“No ! Wait ! Where are you ? Is Hopper with you ? El ! Eeeel !!”She disappeared while he woke up. The first thing he noticed was that Billy was holding him down on what appeared to be a mattress. He was in pain and sweating like mad, his lungs burning as if he just went to dive into the sea, his voice still shouting for El, his hand reaching out into thin air. His head was pounding like an hammer, sounds around him were confused and loud. Billy was saying something to him while trying to keep him down. Mike was saying something too, but all the kids were there and it was very difficult to separate the many voices that were overlapping, leaving only muddled noises. His vision grew more unfocused and he was out cold again.
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Before everything happened, Billy and the others had been resting in an habitation they found on the road. Outside was just illuminated enough and it felt comfortable to finally lay down and not stay seated all day, even to sleep. It was quite cold to get out of the car that was heated. The frozen air filling their lungs was giving a burning sensation, but soon after they all were put under a thick blanket the freezing feeling dissolved. Billy was holding Steve close to him. He was half asleep when the other had started to trash and mumbling incoherents words. He just brushed it off as a sign of the fever. It was normal to have nightmares. However it kept getting worse. Mike and Max woke up in a confused state. Steve was talking out loud, slowly the “conversation” was becoming more clear. “What….. what do you mean ?” “No, it’s ok…. I’m fine…”“He is delirious !” Billy exclaimed.“Is his fever so high ?” Dustin asked.“I don’t think so, it’s hot, but not burning…” Billy didn’t had the time to end the phrase that Steve started to trash and scream.“No ! Wait ! Where are you ? Is Hopper with you ? El ! Eeeel !!”At those words everybody looked at each other with all sort of questions showing on their faces. Steve shot up in a seating position, with his right hand trying to catch something that had been in the dream. His eyes were clouded and he was agitated as ever. His labored breathing was filling the space in the room. He stayed immobile for a second before hia eyes rolled back and he collapsed back into Billy’s arms. “Steve !” Billy and the kids screamed.Mike, on the other hand kept asking at the unconscious boy:“Did you see El ? Tell me ! Is she alright ? Steve !”“Mike, stop ! Can’t you see he passed out ?” Max stated.“Then wake him up ! He was talking about El ! H-he might have seen her ! I need to know !”“What are you talking about ? He needs rest, just wait !”“I can’t wait if it’s about El ! He needs to wake up ! I need to know !”Max got up and slapped him on the face. The other boys stayed silent, Billy still holding Steve’s form, everybody a bit scared of how things were being handled by the only girl in the small group. Mike was frozen, he slowly turned to look at her.“And then what do you think you’ll do ? You can do literally nothing for her now, Mike ! What’s a gain about waking him up to hear about a delirious dream he had ? He might even not be able to talk right now ! Get yourself together !”“But I-I miss her so much !”“And you think that we do not ? Who are you to think we do not care ? Who do you think you are ?” Mike stayed silent, ashamed of himself. Max took it as the occasion to keep talking.“We are her friends too ! I care about her too, we all do ! But torturing him to get a narration from a delirious dream it’s not something She would expect from you !”Mike looked up to her. Max had never been so harsh and so right in her whole life. What was he doing ?
Billy was silently admiring how his little sister was lecturing the boy, he felt proud of her. She was revealing how mature and strong she was. He could see the woman that she would have become, independent and resilient.“Com’on, we are all in this together ! We saw how it started and we will end this too !” She offered an hand to Mike. He took it gladly.They tried to sleep some more, but nobody could really find some peace of mind after what had happened. They went back in the car knowing that pretending to sleep was a waste of time. During the day they stopped for supplies and water. Billy tried to make Steve eat some soup, but he gave up seeing the struggle of the other who was still unconscious. Luckily Max drove for the whole day so that the blonde could rest to do the night shift.It was late in the night when Steve woke up. Billy was driving, but he always kept an eye on the one by his side. The brunette stirred and his eyes fluttered open a few moments after. Billy stopped the car as gently as he could to not wake up the kids. Then he got out to check on Steve.
“Hey” He said in a soft voice to not startle him while opening the car door.“B-Billy ?”“Hey, how are you feeling ?” He gently stroked the other sweaty forehead. “I’m… what happened ?” Billy truly tried to find the best way to explain to him what had occurred, but honestly there wasn’t one. “You… you really can’t remember ?” “What… happened… Billy ?”“You had a seizure and you were out for more than a day…” Steve looked confused at the statement. He seemed slow on catching on what Billy had just revealed to him. “I was… I was driving and I was… unfocused ?”“You took something, I found you with some… I don’t know what…. yellow pills, a second after, you fell and went all rigid. It didn’t last long because ten seconds later you started to convulse….” “I’m s-” “No ! Now you listen to me ! I couldn’t do anything, just watch you seize in that way and thrash around, I am… scared of this behavior of yours Steve. I really am worried about you always putting yourself in danger because of us. I know you mean to help everyone and it’s ok, I get it ! But the kids… I don’t want to lose you like this. We came this far and we are in this together. So please rely on me more. I know you want to keep a facade for the kids’ sake, yet I can see how much this whole situation is weighing you. I… I just want you to know that you can rely on me. I’m.. I’m here for you.” Billy was shaking while pronouncing those words. He had never been good with words or feelings and all that crappy stuff. Steve's eyes were wide open, a few tears falling down his hollow cheeks. For a moment Billy thought he had said the wrong thing. He was about to say something when the brunette spoke.“I’m just…” He was on the verge of a breakdown. Nobody had ever cared like that for Steve Harrington. Even his parents were usually appealing as ‘failure’ or ‘cunt’ as his father always calls him since elementary because he is a pussy. He started to cry. Even Nancy had named him differently, but Billy Hargrove ? He had always gone down heavily with insults, yet none of them had ever hurt as much as half of those from the ones he loved. “I’m… just so tired.” He takes a big breath, seeing the other waiting for him to take his time, he felt like Billy was giving him the time he needed to speak. More like a silent invite to continue. “All of this had been going on for so long and… and the kids don’t deserve me weighing on them. I should be the one protecting them, but I’m just making things worse and I’m… I’m so tired Billy. I really am.” “Then trust me more ! I am here for you Steve ! I know we had neer been so friendly together before all this shit. But what I feel and what I have been feeling for some time now it’s real, and I know you despise me for everything I did to you, to Max and the kids. I just wish for you to find some peace of mind and let others help you more just like you do !”“I don’t despise you Billy, I just feel not worth all this…”“But you are worth it ! And even if you don’t believe so, I’ll make you change that idea ! Just lean on me, I am here for you !”Steve looked so young in the night light, Billy felt the urge to protect him. He leaned forward and hugged the other. The blond didn’t expect him to hug back so fiercely. Steve was holding into Billy’s jacket as his life was depending on it. They stayed like that till the chilly Canadian air started to make them shiver. “Ok, you should eat something and go back to sleep. The kids will be very happy to see you tomorrow morning !” Billy said while getting in the car.“I don’t… feel like eating, I can stay up to keep you company.”“No Steve, remember what we just said ? You need to recover from all of this and surely it’s not by not eating nonetheless not sleeping. Now I think we have some crackers here somewhere.”Steve looked at him with those big doe eyes. Billy really was tempted to kiss him in that instant, but he didn’t want to scare the boy away. Yes they had kissed already, but then so many things had happened and they kind of let those matters set aside till the situation improved. Unfortunately Billy’s feelings had grown a lot and it felt hard for him to restrain himself for the sake of the whole group. Billy handed over a packet of crackers, Steve took it unwillingly still he ate it all. The car had restarted its course again, yet the blonde was casting many glances towards his crush. Steve seemed exhausted just after speaking, he really felt weak. “Go to sleep Harrington, I know how to drive ! “ Billy joked. “Oh well I would sleep more reassured with Max behind the wheel, but you are good at this too !” Billy turned immediately to see Steve looking at him with a drowsy but sincere smile. “Goodnight Billy” Steve wished, and then he was already falling asleep. “Goodnight Steve” Billy said even if the other could no longer hear him.
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The morning came quickly and soon the kids were making noises and asking for a stop to move the cramping muscles. Billy didn’t say anything about Steve’s regain of consciousness. He wanted to check on Steve before the others.He pulled the car to the side, even if there was no problem about leaving it in the middle of the road since there was no sign of a single soul. “Oh finally I can’t stay seated anymore ! This car is killing me even if it’s more voluminous it’s still impossible to live inside it !” Dustin said.“Mmm my legs hurt !” Max replied.“Maybe we should try to move as much as we can before going back in, I can’t take this anymore !” Mike had been complaining about the unhealthy routine they were keeping on going. Still it was all they could have done. “My back ! My back !” Lucas was moving like an old man, a little to make others laugh about the whole situation, but he was indeed feeling his back muscles tearing as he tried to straight up. The kids laughed, it didn’t happen often those days. Everything had turned upside down in a matter of hours and it had been very difficult to get through all the obstacles. However they knew there were going to come many more. “Why don’t you go have some fun with the snow ? You all have the right clothes and I’ll make a fire to get some warm breakfast !” Billy offered.The kids took the opportunity very gladly. Snow in Hawkings was a blessing for not going to school and having a fun vacation. They had always been looking forward to it till the upside down. Yes, being able to be kids again for a few minutes was a great joy for them all. Since they left everything behind it hadn’t been possible to behave like kids. The freedom from snow and having so much energy to play around were the perfect combination to keep the kids busy even for hours. Billy wished they had them. He had started the fire and was now taking some wustels and canned beans to cook in a pan. But before he went to check on Steve, while the kids kept themselves busy.He opened the door and took a long stare at the long haired boy. Steve was breathing slowly, he wasn’t sweaty anymore. The fever had broken indeed. Billy leaned inside to unsafe the car belt. Then he gently put a hand on the other’s shoulder. “Steve, hey.” Billy felt an happiness jolt when suddenly there were a pair of confused eyes watching him. “Morning Princess !”“Oh Billy ! Morning…”“How are you feeling ?”“I… I feel better thanks.” Billy could see the giant blush that was creeping up from Steve’s neck. Billy smiled at that. How could he be so cute even while being in such a state ?“I’m making breakfast, come and have a bite in peace before the kids find out you woke up !”“Ahah ! Yeah I’ll have a long day ahead !”Steve got out of the car, still if Billy hadn’t been there he would have fallen face on the snow. “Hey there, go easy !” The blonde said with a joyful tone, he in fact didn’t mind the body contact. “I… I’m sorry I… my legs are not working.” Steve seemed nervous. Billy just kept holding him up, adjusting his other hand over Steve’s slender torso. “Don’t worry I got you !”“I can’t stand…” The californian noticed how the other was starting to freak out. “Hey hey hey ! Listen to me, you got out of the car a second ago, you are just starting, ok ? It’s normal to have some difficulties like this after… well after all that happened. You can lean on me as much as you need, I can hold you up !” Steve looked up to meet Billy’s eyes. In that instant the bigger male realized how close they were, their noses less than an inch away. He could feel the air the other was breathing, his smell… It was indeed a brief moment in which they were almost kissing. “Steve !” The kids were running towards them all dirty with snow in their hair. Steve turned to face them instead of Billy, putting space between them, the blonde still holding him up right. The kids almost knocked them both down when they hugged the two all together. “You are fine ! We were so scared !” Dustin cried.“How are you feeling ?” “Do you hurt somewhere ?” Billy accompanied him to sit down where he had started the fire. There were a few minutes with so many questions in which Steve had some difficulties to keep up with everything that was being said. He was still abashed about all that had happened, he himself wasn’t sure what he had done. The last few days were just a blur of melted memories mingling with the very bright thought of the pain in his head, but nothing more. “Do you remember about a dream or something ?” Mike’s question put everybody in a religious silence. Steve was confused about the topic. Did something happen and nobody had told him ? Or better, nobody was going to tell him ? He felt the weight of everybody stare on him. What was he supposed to say ? What was he supposed to remember ? His heart ached seeing the expectation in the kids eyes, even Billy was watching him with some seriousness. What was he going to tell ? He knew he was going to break their hope, but the minutes passed and he didn’t speak a word. “Do you remember ?” Mike asked again, he sounded desperate but trying to hold back his real emotions.Steve felt like he was being cornered. “What am I supposed to remember ? Did I do something ?” His own voice cracking under the pressure.“Don’t you really remember ? El ?”Steve now was more addled. El ? What was El about his dreams ? He was sure now that something had happened, something big and he just forgot about it. How could he forget about something so important ? Did he finally go mad ? He brought up his shaking hands on his head. El ? He hadn’t seen her since their run away from Hawkings. Or had he ? What was all this meaning ? “Wh-what am I supposed to remember ?” He repeated. All the gazes that had held such prospect, were now turned down facing the ground. No one was looking at him. He felt he had let them down on something very important. “Mike, explain to me !” The kid was crying silently without blinking. Steve reached out a hand to grab the kid’s arm. “Mike, please ! Please explain it to me !”“You talked in your sleep… you said her name li-like you were talking with her” He sobbed shaking his head. “What ?” Mike jerked away from Steve’s hand.“You talked to her ! And now you can’t even remember !” Mike seemed so badly disappointed. He walked back, away from Steve. “Mike I…” “NO ! You don’t understand ! I have been searching for her ! To talk to me since we got separated. And… and you got to talk to her and now you can’t even remember !” “I’m sorry, I can try to…”“NO ! You don’t fuckng understand ! She could have been in danger ! Maybe she needs our help and you just can’t remember !” He paused to catch some breath. “I hate you Steve Harrington” It wasn’t shouted, but the effect was loud enough. In that moment Steve felt something rip inside him. He had, in the end, become the monster he always had been afraid of. He felt his heart stop for a second. He would have wanted to scream and shout, tell Mike that he was sorry, that he didn’t do it on purpose. Instead he just stayed there petrified about what had just occurred. “Mike, stop ! That’s enough.” Max said, but Steve was now so lost in his mind that he wasn’t aware of his surroundings anymore. The kids hated him, he was done. He had become just a burden, a broken man. What was the point of existing ? Was he necessary for the group ? No, not in that state. He was completely vulnerable, a mess, a failure, a bullshit. He couldn’t bear to be that burden to the kids and to Billy too. He needed to get lost, get as far away from them as he could. He wasn’t part of the group anymore. Hell, maybe he had never been part of it. How could have he been so blind ? So pretentious ? So stupid ? He felt like disappearing. He needed to run away, make them safe from him. What did he do ? A very dark thought started to form in his tired mind. Billy watched the scene, completely helpless about how the things were being handled. He had been curious too about the dream, yet the way Mike was putting it felt unfair and wrong. He felt like a coward. He could have stopped the kid from saying all those things. Why didn’t he step in ? Maybe he was believing the words Mike had the courage to say in front of him, a bit too. No, he didn’t share the method nor the tone, but he had been thinking a lot about the things Steve had said that night. Something had happened and he knew it. The problem was that it was locked into Steve’s head. Billy needed to stay calm, he knew too well the feeling of powerlessness and desperation about things you can’t control like his father. He was sure that Steve just needed some time to get past the trauma and find what they were all looking for. Maybe even if he actually remembered the encounter with El, there would be no meaning to it. They had breakfast in silence, Steve completely immobile as if he was lost in a different dimension. Dustin was watching him closely, both barely touching the food. They went back on the road with Max behind the wheel. She had become good at keeping the car steady on the frozen road. Billy was completely exhausted and all those arguments had surely not helped him find some kind of peace. He went to sleep in the back. Beside him Steve, then Dustin and the opposite Mike who hadn’t spoken a word to anyone since before. The kid surely had a temper when it came about El. Billy was ignoring the fact that Mike actually had been in love with the little girl for a long time.
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Dustin had tried without success to make Steve talk to distract the poor boy from all the pressure he had been put under previously. Yet Steve didn’t answer to any of those kind invites. Dustin was visibly worried about his adoptive big brother. Steve had been so meaningful in his life. He looked him up, not that Steve was some kind of hero, yet the true heros are those who are always there for you. And for Dustin Steve had always been there in a way or another. The kid had had to grow up without a father and so in school he had been bullied because of that. The others’ mothers liked to talk badly about that. However he had found nice friends and soon the matter was soon forgotten. Steve had been something new in his life. He had always wanted a brother, even if Lucas had almost changed his idea with many stories from his little sister who was a pest. When Steve had appeared in his life, it had felt strange but they had bonded immediately. Dustin knew that if he needed someone to call on for anything, Steve was that person. Seeing the older boy being so broken and utterly lost hurt him. He decided that if Steve had always been there then he would have done the same. He wanted to help his brother. Steve, on the other seat, was completely missing; his mind continuously repeating the conversation with Mike. What he knew was: he talked to El and she had said something to him. Now the problem was: what did she say to him ? If it was true, then it must have been important. He needed to strive his mind and take that information out of him. He knew that if there was a person capable of it, that was only him. He was still shaking and his ears were whistling. Yes, he was tired, but finding the bottom of the mystery had become the top priority for him. He owned it for Mike, the others. After hours of complete silence in which just Lucas and Max exchange directions for the right road, Steve decided to ask Dustin what had happened. “I need to know every detail that you can recall, ok ?”The curly kid had smiled so much that Steve felt bad for ignoring him for such a long time. Dustin was the sweetest kid he ever met. Dustin talked for fifteen or twenty minutes describing every particularity he reminisced. Steve listened to him carefully. He surely had scared the shit out of them with that talk. The sun started to go down and Steve’s mind had been split open to find the memory of the dream. The normal headache had been slowly substituted by a migraine that was increasing the strain. He had decided to find out what had happened, he knew it was inside himself. It was the least thing he could have done for El too, maybe the girl had said something important. Steve couldn’t even bear the thought of her asking for help from Steve and he just forget about it. Never he had felt this useless and so pointless. How can a person be pointless he didn’t know, but it was exactly how he perceived his being. He was so desperate that he started to think about a plan to find his answers. The Plan ? Using the drugs to get back where he had been to hopefully find El or just remember what had happened. He gave himself a day. When the sky started to become darker, Max stopped the car and Billy took over the driver seat. Steve went in the front to keep the other some company, if keeping the silence could be called company. It was more to let the kids have a better rest in the back, all together they would not suffer the cold. He had almost fallen down while walking the three steps from the back door to the front door of the car, leaning heavily on the side. At least Billy hadn’t had to haul him up for a few feet of distance. “Hey ! Don’t think about it too hard or you’ll get sick again.” Billy broke the silence while the kids were playing something between them. “I’m trying to remember but it feels like there is a wall.”“A wall ?” “Yeah, you know, like someone put an obstacle between me and that memory.”“That sounds weird, maybe you just forgot because it was a dream, like when you wake up and you remember and after a second it’s gone.”“Well it’s not that sensation, it’s like I’m running and suddenly there is this tall wall and I slam into it.”“Find the door then !”“The door ?” “Yes ! Every wall needs to have a door or a passage ! You just need to find it and open it !”“What… what if the door it’s locked ?”“You are the only one with the keys of your mind.” That was a very strange conversation, nonetheless an even more strange way of saying things. Suddenly he had an idea. Steve wanted to try something different with the last energy he had before falling asleep or pass out because of the migraine. He wanted to approach the problem in a different way by thinking about the completely opposite he had been staring at. Maybe he couldn’t remember the conversation because he had been searching to solve it in the wrong way. Maybe the key was not thinking about it, but aout the last time he had seen El, Will, Mrs Byers, Hopper and even Jonathan and Nancy. Maybe the connection could work in a backward way. He started to reiterate every long gone memory for each of them. He had indeed been trying to forget about Nancy and it hurt to do so, but if it was for the sake of the kids, he could handle so much more. Billy just watched him silently. He could see how much the long haired boy was struggling to find the information hidden in his mind. He wished Steve didn’t have to live through all this distress. However it was the only way, and seeing the other suffer so much because of it was grieving him too, even if Steve was trying to hide his real emotions again. It seemed as if it was a protection mechanism. But protection who from what ? Billy was disturbed by that question. After almost an hour Billy was worried about Steve, he was obviously having a bad migraine, and even if it wasn’t so late it would have been preferable if he just tried to sleep or have some rest.“Steve, go to sleep. I can see you are on the verge of passing out. Don’t strain yourself !”But Steve wasn’t listening to him, something very dark was gradually surfacing in his mind. He felt like he had been lost in a place, a strange place. Yes, he was slowly remembering something. He had been in a dark place. He had been there for quite some time. Yet something had made him move or better search for something, an exit ? Yes he had been searching for a wall or the end of that place. “Steve” The other boy didn’t stir at the other calling his name.He had been walking and then suddenly he had heard someone call his name. And when he had turned he… he had been right in front of El. She had been right there in front of him. The memory was now vivid and her more real than ever. It felt like she had been there. He hadn’t recognised her immediately, but he was sure it had been her.“Steve !”She had seemed confused and they had talked. Yes talked about him, he had been in the wrong place, that strange dark place. She had called it… the word was on the point of his tongue. It was the… the Void ! She had called it the Void. “Steve !”She had been perplexed about him being there. She had touched his head and she had said something, something that was well hidden in his mind. But Steve had opened the door in the wall and now everything was coming out like a raging torrent. She had said that he was… he was in danger. “STEVE !” The car was still and Billy was holding his chin with one hand and the other on his shoulder, warm blood flowing down his nose painting some color to his pale face. He coughed, his mouth covered in it too. The kids were watching terrorized from the back. “HEY ! Answer me ! STEVE !”Steve wasn’t seeing the figure in front of him correctly, everything was blurry and unfocused. He just had some energy to say:“I remembered.”
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“I remembered.” Steve said with a low voice.Then he almost passed out, the pain was so intense that he truly hoped for it to stop. He had no strength to scream, his breathing labored. “Fuck Steve ! What happened to you ?” Billy was staring at him wide eyed, worry written all over his face.“What did she say to you ?” Mike asked with apprehension. “I-I told her… we are fine…”“What did she say ? Did she ask for help ?”“She… she didn’t ask for help…” He could hear everyone breathing a sigh of relief. The air suddenly was less heavy. Yet he was scared what he knew he had to say next.“Then what did she say ?” Max asked.Steve stayed silent for a second weighting word by word. It wasn’t easy to say that he probably had some kind of problem. Well he hadn’t been completely healthy since that night at the Byers’ house. “She… she said that I am in danger and that I shouldn’t have been there.”“Danger ? What danger ?” Billy's voice sounded fearful. “What’s there ? The void ?” Mike interrogated.“I… I have no idea, she said…” Could he really say it ? He was so tired, at the moment he just wanted to get over it.“What did she say to you ?” “She said that’s… something wrong with my head.” He was crying at this point either for the pain of the situation. He just wished he could go back to sleep and wake up to find that everything had turned to normal, everything just being a strange nightmare. “Wait what ?” “What do you mean ? Like you are sick ?” Max called on. Steve could sense all the weight of those five pairs of eyes. He knew he was letting them all down. Having a sick person in a situation like that was severe. It meant danger and weakness. Again the same dark idea came into his mind. Everybody was arguing about what El said really meant. Billy was still holding him while trying to silent the others while the quarrel started to explode. “Why isn’t the blood stopping ?” Dustin interrupted the whole conversation. For the second time that night all eyes were on Steve again.“Fuck !” Billy started to hold his chin up while pressing a big cloth which soon became damped with red. “Do you think this has something to do with what El said ?” Lucas passed another cloth to Billy who gladly took it. “If this it’s not it then I have no idea of what she was talking about !” The blonde sounded pissed at the sight of more blood coming out of Steve’s nose.“We don’t have anything for him ? Like medication or something ?” Max asked.“No and I have no idea of what I would even give him in these conditions. If El said something is wrong with his head at this point this must be a sign of it.”“I’m fine… I’m just tired.” Steve offered. Yet nobody was buying it.“Maybe we should stop for some time. So that he can rest better and we can have a comfortable night after so much time !” Lucas suggested. “It’s ok… you guys don’t need to change plans because of me !”“We are indeed all exhausted and it’s so late. I just passed an house, we can get there in five minutes and then pass the night. I can start a fire too.” Billy didn’t even listen to Steve. “Ok all in favor of resting, for tonight, in an house ?”The kids all accepted with happiness, Steve was too tired to object. They were just two or three days from the Alaskian border. They went back and soon there was a fire in the big stove and mattress all around it. The younglings fell right away asleep. Billy was still checking Steve over. He had done it many times but he was afraid to have missed something important. Steve was falling asleep too. The migraine seemed ready to end soon, he just let Billy do whatever he wanted, he was too tired to care or complain. “How are you feeling now ?” “I’m fine… just want to sleep.” “Tomorrow when there is a better light I’ll check you over again.” Steve just responded with a grunt. Inadvertently Billy hugged him out of nowhere. The long haired boy felt surprised. “I’m sorry you have to get through all this. Just know that I’m always here to support you !”“T-Thanks”Billy gently laid him down then he put himself right in front swinging an arm around Steve’s shoulder to bring him closer. To the brunette it felt a very kind gesture, the room felt frozen even with the fire. The sleep felt like heaven since many days of only car, even sleeping horizontally felt wonderful. The freezing mattress didn’t even bother the young company, everybody had been craving for such a surface that the temperature didn’t matter anymore. Steve had some problems, he had many nightmares and he frequently woke up just to find Billy still holding him and hushing to get back to sleep, that it had been just a bad dream. Steve had felt protected and he had fallen asleep everytime. When the morning came nobody was ready to get out of their surviving beds. The room was a lot warmer than the previous night, still the bliss of that comfort was hard to leave. “Hey, pretty boy, how are you doing ?” Steve slowly breathed, opening his eyes to take a long look at Billy. The other seemed slightly tired, he hoped that all his trashing and dreams, or better nightmares, didn’t kept the blonde up all night long. “I feel better, how are you ? Did you sleep ? Did I wake you up ?” His voice was slow as if he hadn’t used it in quite some time. “I’m fine princess, you don’t have to worry, I had my beauty sleep !”Steve felt better seeing how Billy could still pull jokes in moments like that. He felt like the other had an hidden strength. They spent a few minutes just facing each other, the californian then tagged Steve near his chest. Steve let him hold him. He could hear Billy’s heartbeat, that strong heart that had saved him so many times. Billy just kept holding that weak boy that he grew so fond of, he smelled Steve. It was strange how much he had missed his smell and the feeling of closeness. It was a tender moment for both of them.“Ok, time to get up, I need to find something for breakfast and we need to get things back in the car too.” It actually wounded Billy to leave Steve’s embrace to get out of the many blankets in the cold. They all seemed better after a good night's sleep, the kids were more lively and Steve looked less pale than normal. Billy helped the poor boy change his clothes, Steve still had some difficulties moving around, lucky for him the bigger male was always watching him, ready to intervene. The car outside had a nice coat of ice on, they all helped to remove it from the glasses while Steve just stayed inside folding the blankets. When everything was ready Billy went inside to get him out. It was a bit humiliating for the long haired boy to be seen as a mere useless person right in front of the kids. Still Billy was calming him saying that he would get better soon. Steve truly hoped he was right. Little did he know how much more he would have had to cope with. All the pressure that had weighed so much to Steve’s mind of the previous day was gone. It felt nice to finally have a normal conversation with the kids and Billy without cringing from the migraine. They knew they were close to reaching their destination and the wish and expectation for all that hell to end was making everybody euphoric. Yet there were a few whispers in the car back, he couldn’t quite catch. However he was sure they were about him and what he had said about El.
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The drive was different, the atmosphere was lighter. Max and Dustin started to sing cartoon openings as if they had been watching the television till that morning, Mike and Lucas kept talking between themself. Steve wanted to ignore what they were talking about. They all had been missing the essential comforts. At first the beds had been the most wanted elements, but surely the bathroom services soon became the first. The biggest problem was bathing, they were lucky it was winter and they had a few opportunities to wash themselves. Yet it was becoming a struggle to keep a certain level of cleaning. Now it seemed obvious why in the army they cut your hair. Steve’s hairs had grown a lot, he had meant to cut them after all the upside down affair, however he had bigger problems and so his hairs kept growing. Now they almost reached past his shoulders. Max had shared her hair ties so that he could have them kept in the back. He didn’t want to cut them for two reasons: it showed the time they had been in such a mess and he hoped to cut them once everything went back to normal. Billy liked Steve’s hair, they were soft and wild. He had always kind of envied that distinctive part of Steve, even when they had been in the showers back in school after basketball practice, he could have been easily spotted staring at Steve wild bangs. The king had been famous even for that. That morning Steve felt better in any way, but a strange sintom had started to bother him slightly. His limbs had been tingling since he woke up. It felt like an entire packet of little needles had fallen on them. It wasn’t pain or something strenuous, anyway it was starting to trouble him. He didn’t say anything to Billy who was driving and talking with him. “Probably tomorrow we can reach the border !”“Yeah”“I think it’s better for us to stop in the first place we find and spend some days there, then we can go further north and stabilize in another place.” Billy was already planning for when they finally reached Alaska.“Yeah”“We can even try to contact El and the others once we stop car driving 24/7, my ass is getting as flat as ever.” Billy joked."Yeah"Steve laughed a bit, but his mind was elsewhere. The so-called “dream” he had in the Void was still making him nervous. What did she really meant ? He had tried to convince himself that she was just worried since seeing him in such a shape, but something in his mind was telling him something else. Was it possible that there was another thing ? Was there more than his post concussion syndrome ? He was scared to get an answer.At lunch time, they took a break to make something warm to eat and to move around and stretch. Steve was mingling some canned beans. Billy had started the fire and now he was playing with the kids in the snow. “You’ll never get me !” Lucas screamed.“Oh I will shoot this so hard that you will forget you said that !” Max said, holding a big snowball in har bare hand. “You are all so dead !” Billy ran in, throwing snowballs everywhere. He was such a kid.“Ah ! God it’s so cold !” Dustin exclaimed when Mike hit him. They all laughed and even the air seemed less frozen. Even the sun started to show itself between the many gray clouds. It was beautiful to see the snow crystals shine from the sunbeams. “Steve !!” Dustin broke that peaceful moment. Everybody turned towards the car. Steve was on the ground not showing any sign of moving. Billy’s blood froze, everybody ran but he arrived first crouching down beside the other boy. Steve’s eyes were wide but it seemed like he wasn’t seeing, his limbs shaking like someone had thrown on him cold water, his breath errantic. “Steve ? Hey !”Suddenly Steve's head turned watching Billy, it scared the shit out of everyone because. The act felt mechaning and unnatural. What shocked Billy was Steve's expression, he was afraid, he was scared. He had no time to notice anything else that an hand grabbed Billy by the neck. The kids yelped at the unexpected move and took a step back. It wasn’t a strong grip, but it was completely out of the contest. Why had Steve done that ? Did Billy scare him unwillingly ? Did something happen when he wasn’t looking ?“Hey !” Billy moved Steve’s weak hand in his own. “Steve, it's me !”Some blood started to flow out of Steve’s nose. Billy could see tears forming in those doe eyes, then silently running down to wet the snow beneath him. A minute after, his eyelids felt heavy and he went completely numb. Everyone was speechless. “Is… is he ok ?” Dustin's voice trembled. Billy could only shake his head. He had never seen something so strange. What had just happened felt wrong. It wasn’t a seizure and it hadn’t been a crisis too because he hadn’t screamed and there had been no foretelling of it. Billy couldn't understand. “What ? Why is he like this ?” The californian looked down, he was scared. Steve had been scared of what was happening to him. “It’s what El had said !” Everybody turned to look at Mike. “She told him that he was in danger… and this is not normal, something is wrong with him.”Billy could only pick the other up to lay him down back in the car. “Let’s… eat something.” He was sure his face was pale, because Max was watching him with a worried sight. Everyone had a question in their mind: was this part of what El had said ? Billy’s thoughts were running. A seizure, pain crisis and now this. What was happening and right under his nose ? Something didn’t fit in the whole frame. The way he had moved which seemed robotic and completely unhuman-like, he wasn’t sure but it reminded him of an horror movie he had seen quite some time ago. A strange fear started to infiltrate in his mind, yet he had no time to explore it or elaborate it. He needed to take them all away from there in a safe place to finally get the much needed rest. Maybe Steve was just sick, maybe he just needed more time to adjust than the others. Since he had never been completely fine from the start he needed more days, maybe weeks to get back to an healthy state. Little did he knew that he couldn’t run from what was going to happen. A few minutes after Steve started to stir and Billy had to hold himself from stopping the car to check on him. “What ? What happened ?”Before anybody could speak Billy cut them all off.“You passed out !” He knew that it was more a lie than the truth yet he didn’t want to have that conversation in front of the kids and with Steve still confused. Nobody had the courage to contradict him or say anything. Mike seemed ready to add something but Billy burned him with his eyes looking by the rearview mirror. The words just died in the raven boy’s mouth. “Ah my head ! I can’t remember… I was looking after the food and then…”“Then ?”“Nothing I just wasn’t anymore… and here I am.”“Maybe you are tired and you just fell asleep…” Billy offered.Steve wasn’t sure himself, but he could only agree with the other guy, the migraine wasn’t allowing him to think. He tried not rewind the few brief moments he remembered, he just wanted the pain to stop. They had decided to drive till late in the night and to stop after midnight when they would have reached a little village next to the border. Steve tried to let him drive but Billy was unremovable. To be honest the californian was feeling pure fear to let Steve drive. What if something happened ? What if he just blacked out and the car slipped and they all died so near their goal ? So close to freedom ? No, he just kept saying that he wanted to drive, it helped him with the cold or any shit he could think of. He wanted to have a conversation with Steve and actually talk to him openly about his fears and what had really happened. He needed to lift this weight from his heart. After dinner Billy waited for the right moment while the kids were either sleeping or still playing some board games. He went straight to Steve.“I’d like a word with you.” Steve just looked at him. He had been having a migraine since the passing out thing. “Sure”They walked out of the main room. Putting on another jacket because outside it was many degrees under zero. Billy just waited for Steve to get the hat on and then they walked out. God knows how much he was craving a cigarette at that moment. “Wow ! Sometimes I forget about how cold Canada can be !” He tried to joke, yet the words fell down as their breath was condensing in the air and falling down on the already snowy floor. “So… tell me: what happened ?” Steve was looking at him. It wasn’t in words but Billy could sense how he was pleading for the truth. “You… you… God I don’t know where to start.”“Just tell me what did you see…”Billy was still hesitant so Steve approached him.“Please Billy, I need to know.” His voice was almost cracking. “I… I was playing with the kids and then suddenly Dustin just screamed and you were down. Not moving. I freaked out, but when I reached you…. how can I say this ? You just looked unconscious but with open eyes… I really don’t know how to explain. You were there but you were not.”“What do you mean ?” “You didn’t seem yourself and… and suddenly when I touched you… you grabbed me from the neck… like I was your enemy or something… It felt like you weren't there anymore.”
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“You didn’t seem yourself and… and suddenly when I touched you… you grabbed me from the neck… like I was your enemy or something… It felt like you weren't there anymore.”Steve felt bad at those statements, something was awfully off with him but his mind couldn’t quite reach it, but he could feel that. Hell he had been feeling it since that night at the Byers house. He inadvertently started to hyperventilate. These fears he already knew had been just pushed in the back of his mind and now they were coming back to haunt him. He was in denial. He knew it. Now he was scared, was he becoming crazy? Did he just never woke up from the coma and now this was just a weird and horrible dream ? Was he stuck in his mind ? Just like El said, he shouldn’t have been there ? Or, did something mess up with his mind ? Or worse, was something messing up with his mind ? The exact moment he thought that last question, a stab just in his left part of his brain shook him. It was deep, without warning of any kind, a pain that he could have died there instantly or he had wished to die there instantly to make it stop. He didn’t know if he screamed or if he passed out right a second later, but now he knew that something was far from normal with him.He didn’t even hear Billy gasphing or shouting for him. He suddenly was back there. In The Void. However this time something was different. He was conscious about himself. He tried to stand up since he woke up on his knees. Yet he stumbled back down as if something had grabbed him from the ankles. He turned to see what was preventing him from moving. A cold shiver ran down his spine. Those roots were there, coming from who knows where, but they were there wrapped tightly around his feet. He wished it was a nightmare, except it was not ! He wanted to get out of that mortal grip. He struggled for some minutes to free himself from it without success. He was as scared as he ever been. He had been with Billy and then suddenly he had realized something very important. He had realized that he might have never been alone all that time when he and the others had walked out of the hell of those tunnels in the patch back there in Hawkings. Now he had the proof. He had been infected somehow. Were the cuts all over his face, the concussion he had just received from Billy, he didn’t know. He just was sure that something from the upside down had penetrated his head, messing it up so much. Why didn’t he notice it before ? Fuck, he had been constantly feeling under the weather, but it all seemed natural with all he had gone throught. Even because all his symptoms were almost the same as when he got in the fight with Jahnathan. He had been feeling like shit for a week, but now this was getting out of the general frame. Not only did he have a concussion, but he also had something living in his head. Something that was dangerous. That’s what El had been trying to warn him from. Now He knew it. Now it made sense that he ended up in the Void, while he shouldn’t have been able to. He should have seen this a long time before. Suddenly, the previous episode which he didn’t remember, came back to his mind. He had been there watching while someone else was moving his arm towards Billy’s neck. He had felt and seen himself move. It had been like he was left out of his own body, as if someone had pushed him out of a window door so that he could not do anything if just watch with terror what was happeneing. He screamed for El, it was rasp, frantic and he hurt his throat while trying to summon her somehow. He tried to pull himself out of that mortal grasp, kicking and making an attempt to break it with his bare hands. However everything was futile. Realizing he couldn’t move from there made him scream even more. utterly terrorized and hopeless he watched as the roots moved a bit higher than before. He felt trapped and numb. He was screwed.All of a sudden a bright and blinding white light exploded around him, as if a train ran him over. He woke up as if it had passed just a few second from when he had passed out and the discovery of the roots. Obviously the time passed diffrently in the two words. Billy was crouched down beside him. “Steve ! What the fuck ?! What was that ? Are you ok ?”“I… I…” He realized he was not trembling from the cold, he was purely terrorized, his lungs constricted for the fear. There was no air to make out any sounds. The only thing that came out was a squeak, he wanted to cry. He needed to alert Billy and the others that he was dangerous, he needed to say it now. It was of life importance ! What if he didn’t have control over himself ? What if the upside down roots that were in him were taking over his body ? What if he hurt someone ? What if he couldn’t regain control over his limbs ? What was going to happen ? What if it was listening and watching even then ? “Hey there, calm down, just breathe ! Steve you are scaring me” Billy’s voice seemed like he had tried to talk to Steve for some moments, but all Steve could hear were his thoughts. His mind was running mad. “No !….” Only at that moment, he realized he was panting hard like he had just finished a basketball match. “Hey, just focus on breathing, we can talk later, ok ?”Steve felt ashamed. He was both petrified and eager to tell Billy. He grabbed the other hand as tight as he could, pulling the bigger male closer to his mouth. “Yo… ar… in da…ger” He couldn’t understand why his voice wasn’t working properly. Billy turned to look at him with disbelief in his eyes. The blood leaking down the brunette nose was hot and it started to smoke in the frozen air. “What ? Steve…. what do you mean ?” “I’m… sorry… I-I shou… hav.. seen thiss comin..” The only thing he could think of was a way to get the others safe. He was exhausted.“Steve ! What are you talking about ?” “You… you hav… to pro…ice me som..thin” God even his mouth felt heavy to move for speaking.“What ? What do you need me to do ?”“Pro…mise me… you won’t… l-let me hurt… the..m” Billy didn’t understand anything. Was something wrong ? Where they in danger too ? Did Steve have a contagious illness ? Was that a way to say goodbye ? No God, he wasn’t prepared to let Steve go. Was it the thing El had said ? What was happening ? He was so confused. “Hurt them ? Steve ! I don’t understand… Please talk to me !”"Promise… me, you won-t let me h-hurt them.”“Yeah, ok but what do you mean ? Steve ! What does that mean ? I know you wouldn’t ever do anything to the kids…”“I have… it inside… my head.”“What ?! What’s it ? Steve !”“I-I hav… been infected… by the upsid…own”Billy moved a little away from him, wide eyes. He didn’t understand well what Steve had meant by saying that. However he knew that something might have a meaning behind what El had said to him in the Void. He tried to get more information out of Steve, what had he realized ? What did he understand in that second ? He could only lay there watching as Steve slowly lost consciousness. He felt lost. They were so close to safety, yet it felt as if Steve had been left behind all that. He had lost too much, and he was not getting any better. He was only becoming worse. Billy had tried his best to help, but the situation didn’t improve at all. He realized he had no power, no weapon, no knowledge even to try to make a difference for the other boy. He realized how close he was to lose someone else apart from his mother. When she had died, his world had crushed right on him. He had decided to never let anyone enter his heart like she had been, but life and love is something that you can’t control or decide about. Steve had started to get closer to him a little everyday and realizing now that he might not see the other forever, was hard. Maybe even harder than with his mother. When she had left him and his dad, it had been a shock. Until then he had never experienced suffering or death itself. He had been just a kid and the whole thing happened in an instant. A moment he was a normal kid living his childhood, the next he was seen as almost an orphan. Everything had seemed so unreal. He had been devastated because of it, yet the thought of living something the same knowing how it feels like, was unbearable for Billy. He wanted to, he was eager to do something to save Steve, yet there was nothing. He had to be real and try to do his best to find a safe place. He got up still holding the other, shocked how easily he lifted him up. He went back inside avoiding the kids, he laid the other on a mattress. Steve seemed very fragile and little. He was unrecognizable. The once-was king of Hawkings was now so sick that the blonde wasn’t sure if he could survive one night alone without someone there to keep a steady warmth. He sighed. “I promise, I’ll keep you safe.” He whispered it as if he was still speaking with Steve, yet the phrase was more for him alone. The next day was a very important day, they were going to pass the border and finally arrive in Alaska. After the border the plan was to find a safe place to settle down waiting for Hopper and company to meet them at last. Billy wasn’t as enthusiastic as the kids. Steve hadn’t passed a great night and he was running a fever again. Billy felt tired and hopeless, yet he had promised himself that he would have been strong for the kids and Steve. Now everything was in his hands. The road wasn’t easy, a thick layer of snow covered the asphalt. Billy was good at driving, however before that year he had never driven with snow since in California it doesn't snow so much, so he still had some difficulties. The day felt infinite, it felt like he had held his breath all day long. The weather wasn’t helping at all, when it was late afternoon it started snowing and soon it evolved into a blizzard. When they had passed the border there was a sigh of relief from the blonde and cheerful shouts from the kids. However soon the sight became hard and the snow covered all the streets. Billy was now struggling hard to keep the car on the road, nonetheless seeing where he was going. Lucas was trying his best to help the driver see where the right turns were. “There should be a road on your left soon but we need to stay on this one for till the next crossroad.”“I truly hope we are not mistaking it for something else, everything I see is white.” Billy wanted to joke, but it came out completely flat.“I think I see a sign”“Oh yes I see it !” “We should be in a little village soon.”"Thanks Lucas, let’s just hope to arrive there and not to have taken a wrong turn…”Billy prayed in his mind, he wanted to find a safe place soon, he wanted to find a stable position to finally rest and get Steve in a better shape. He prayed, he needed all this senseless run to end. He needed some stability. Everybody needed it. After thirty minutes the hopes were getting thin. Billy started to sweat a lot, he was getting nervous and impatient. If they lost the road it meant their death, they were going to die because there were no chances of them surviving in such a place. The car would have never kept the right amount of heat and surely they would have freezed to death. That was it ? They were going to die there ? A step from freedom ? A step from normality ? No Billy wanted, needed and hoped that he had just calculated the times wrong. He kept going for inertia even if the snow was accumulating and the car itself was making great efforts to move. At last, when Max and Dustin had already started to cry, they spotted a sign. It felt surreal but they arrived. Soon little houses were seen on the sides of the road that now was almost impossible to see. Billy accosted the car to a bigger house. He just wanted to sleep and start a fire. He went down the car, the snow covered over his feets. They would have been stuck in the snow with the car soon if they didn’t find a shelter. He was about to open the back door for the kids when he heard a gun being loaded and a voice.
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He was about to open the back door for the kids when he heard a gun being loaded and a deep voice.“Stop right there !” The voice felt harsh and old. “Put your hands up now !”Billy did as he was told, too tired to realize what was happening. He slowly turned to the provenience of the unfamiliar voice. He couldn’t quite see the man who was a few feets away from him, because the snow that kept falling was illuminated by the car lights, making it almost impossible to distinguish a figure. After a few blinks the californian could distinguish a man that was pointing a gun right at him. “Who are you ?” The man inquired.“W-we mean no harm.”“I SAID WHO ARE YOU ?” “I’m Billy Hargrove…”“What are you doing here ?” The man started to step towards the car.“We are trying to find a safe place to live.”Now the man was just a meter away from the car. Billy could see him more clearly. He must have been in his 60s, gray beard, green piercing eyes and a shining rifle that seemed old, but in perfect state as if the man used it daily. He was dressed heavily, a big scarf almost didn’t let see his mouth, a wool beret all down his forehead, leather gloves and a thick jacket.“We mean no harm.” Billy repeated.“Where are you from ?” The man interrupted him.“We come from the USA, Illinois.” He lied, he was afraid that something about Hawkings had been said on the radio or the television, so for the moment it was smarter to use another state. The man stayed silent for some infinite moments.“Are you followed ?”“No, we came alone…”“Are the monsters following you ?”“No, we haven’t seen any of them since weeks…”“How many there are of you ?”“I have four kids with me and a sick person.”The man moved closer to check in the car, Billy was half frozen by that. The man simply looked inside, the kids stayed in religious silence. He lowered the rifle.“Names” He simply said.“She is Max, my sister, this is Lucas, then Dustin and Mike. The one my age is Steve.”The man turned his head to look right at Steve who was asleep or passed out. In that moment Billy felt his heart cringe, he knew he would have been too late in any case if the man started to shoot at Steve or the kids. He felt his heart beat become faster till it felt like it was beating from outside his chest. The man reached out to touch Steve’s forehead, Billy almost lost his shit and freaked out. There was just too much tension in the air. He held his breath.“What does he have ?”“W-we don’t know for sure…” Billy sighed.“How long has he been like this ?” “More than a day for now.” He found it hard to admit it.There was a moment of complete silence where everybody held their breath, watching every movement the old took. He swore he could hear only the man's steady breath. Honestly running all that way from monsters from another world and in the end stumbling right at the end in a man like this, was making the californian realize how cards quickly turn. He was purely petrified that it meant the end for each one of them. His eyes were glued to the man when he withdrew from the car door. He was expecting a fight, a bullet in the guts, but the man just asked more questions.“How old are you ?” “I’m 17 as Steve, the kids are all 13.” “What are you doing out in the night with a blizzard ?”“We were trying to reach Alaska, to find a place to live.”“There is nothing here for you to live. They all went away.” “Please Sir, we really need to find a place to stay.” Billy breathed. “I drove all day and the kids are exhausted and my friend is pretty sick. We have nowhere to go.” He continued, hoping to open the old man’s heart.The man just looked at him in the eyes. Billy feared he was going to shoot him dead there, and he knew he would have done nothing to stop that, he felt completely useless and powerless. He kneeled down in the snow as if he prayed in a church for a miracle. Well, he wished for one. “Please help us. We have nowhere to go. We lost everything and everyone.” It felt pathetic to do such action, yet it was the only thing he could think of. He had to put aside his pride, his manhood, his persona, all that meant for him now were the kids and Steve. He knew he couldn’t have made it this far without them and at the same time he was more than afraid to lose them right in that second. He felt his father's words echoing in his head that he was being a pussy and he should have never bowed to anyone, apart from his obviously. What idiocy ! What hypocrisy ! The blonde felt angry at those memories. He felt grown up or better he felt like the whole upside down episode had completely changed him deep from inside. He was no longer the silly bully guy from California. No, now he was a man more than his father could have ever wished to be. He had the opportunity to see more, to experience the lives of others and that he was not alone in that messy world. That’s why he doing this act, he was feeling the weight of the new family that he had accidentally fell in. He finally felt somewhere he belonged, a place for him, people to look forward to speak with. People that make you feel like you belong. Yes, he was scared of what could have happened next, yet he would have done all he could to protect his family, and if that meant being a sacrifice for their safety then be it. The man stared at him even if Billy was looking straight down in the snow, too scared to see his death. “When everybody ran, I told them I had nowhere to run off. I said them I would have stayed here, because here it’s my home.” The old man started out of nothing. “Many gave me the keys to their houses in case something happened.” Billy now looked up towards the man. “I don’t see them using it now, so I think you can stay in one house…”“Thanks !” Billy felt a tear of joy. He almost choked on his own happiness.It felt surreal to hear such words, they were being helped ? Was he dreaming ? Billy was shocked, but he had no time to overcome the moment that the man spoke again.“Take what you need, blankets and clothes should be in the house too, but having a few more isn’t as bad. Follow me !”The kids regained some control over their fear paralized bodies and started to gather a few things. Billy took some blankets but he mostly went to pick up Steve. He made a grimace feeling how hot he felt at touch. “Quick ! We can die from hypothermia if we stay out here for much longer !” The man incited. They followed behind struggling to keep up with the elder that escorted them towards the blizzard. For a second Billy felt like he was trying to lose them in the snowstorm. It wasn’t simple to stick up with the snow blinding them and making every step as if it was 10 feet long. He was out of breath, partly because he was carrying Steve on his back and partly because the air that he was filling his lungs with was more than frozen. He almost could count the snowflakes that entered his system. “We are here.” The man announced.Billy and the kids looked around, but no one of them could distinguish a silhouette in all the snow that was falling. “Where ?” Asked Lucas who was right beside Max.The man didn’t answer, he just limited to turn around and take out a bunch of keys that tingled in the strong wind. He stepped forward and as if a spell was broken, a door appeared and he opened it no without effort from all the snow that had accumulated in front of it. “Here, let’s get inside !”The youngs followed inside, eagerly to stop being out at the mercy of the blizzard wind. The house was completely in wood, it took them some time to adjust the sight to put on focus everything in the room where they were standing. That was the main room, there was a big table, a kitchen and in the middle of it there was a stove that probably was being used to cook and to warm the whole house up. “You can stay here, it should be big enough for you, the family that used to live here had four kids, so there should be at least a bed for each of you.” The old man moved in towards the doors that lead to the other rooms in the building as if he had been there many times. He showed the kids the bedrooms. “It’s wiser if you put the mattress here and sleep in this room at least for tonight since it will take time to get the whole house to a much hotter temperature with a blizzard like this.” He explained.“Yeah we can do that… Thanks, thanks for helping us.” “Call me Mr Carlson.” The man simply said.All the kids answered in a chorus: “Thank you Mr Carlson !”Billy felt embarrassed, but he was too focused on Steve to think about it too much. When the bedrooms had been emptied, the blond laid Steve down. The brunette hadn’t stirred once even in the storm. Billy started to check up on him, too deep in his thoughts to notice the elder watching him.“How is he ?” The old man asked in a different tone than before.Billy knew he had all his worries written all over his face. “For now he has an high fever… I have tried everything I could, but it seems like it’s not working…”“May I ?” He asked approaching the pair.He took off a glove and put the dorso of his hand on Steve’s forehead. “He is burning up !” He exclaimed, his voice trasparing the shock.
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He took off a glove and put the dorso of his hand on Steve’s forehead.“He is burning up !” He exclaimed, his voice trasparing the shock. “We need to cool him down ! Get some snow outside ! Quick !”Max and Dustin run out of the door. Billy kneeled down to be closer to Steve. The room wasn’t lit, they had just used some candles from the house, to make every furniture more visible. The darkness around made the brunette seem older and paler than before, he had some hairs clothed on the sweated forehead. His eyes were shut as if he was having a nightmare, dark circles making the whole complex sicker, the dim light was highlighting the sharp edges of his face. It felt awful to think that he was completely unrecognizable. “We need some towels, some cool and warm water, and we should move the blankets and the bed sheets here.” He motioned Billy towards the stove. “Quick ! light the fire, there should be some chopped wood beside the cabinet.” Billy lit the stove and soom a warm sensation started to spread. In the meantime Dustin and Max returned with a tray full of clean snow, while Lucas and Mike fetched some towels in the bathroom. “I’ll go look for a medicine to give him for the fever, we need to get it down.” He explained.Billy, helped by the kids, moved some mattresses in the main room, while the old man was still searching for the medicine. He came out with a bottle of white pills in his hand.“It’s hard to read the labels with the light of a candle, but I’m sure this will help him.”Some snow had melted and he poured some water in a glass. Then he pointed to Billy that held Steve’s torso up, taking his head in his arms. The man sat beside, he pinched the nose of the boy and then pressed the pill on his lips that parted after a brief resistance, followed by the glass. “I need him to shallow it or we will have to get it out from the mouth.”Billy could only nod in response, he was half scared and half too exhausted to understand what he was being told. Steve swallowed after a few seconds of no motion at all. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. The man just let Steve’s head roll back down slowly, while the blonde lowered him down.“What now ?” The boy asked, turning back to look for some kind of answer in the older one’s eyes.“Now, it’s up to him… we can’t do anything more. He needs to fight this alone with his own strengths.”“There is nothing we can do for him ?”“No… unfortunately this is all we can do. Now it’s up to him.”“But there must be something that we can do…”“I’m sorry boy, this is everything we can do.” The old man said while putting an hand on Billy’s shoulder trying to give some kind of comfort.Billy felt heavy, he was about to fall asleep right there, in front of a man that he didn’t know. He had been through a lot that day and he had kept going just thanks to the adrenaline that had been flowing in his veins for a long time. However, now the effect was fading and he was left with nothing to hold on to. Like a car without fuel, he was waning down. The kids had already arranged in the beds and they were about to enter the world of dreams already. He straightened up himself. God, he was tired, but he needed to look after Steve. If something happened and he wasn’t awake to help he wouldn’t have forgave herself. The old man seemed to read right through his thoughts.“You should go rest too. I can see all of you are tired and a good sleep is what you need now.” He, then, lowered the gaze to look upon the boy passed out in Billy’s arms. “I can look at him, for tonight.”“No… I’m sorry I can’t… I need to….” The rest of the phrase just slurred out without any meaning of words. He knew he wouldn’t have made it far in the night, his eyelids were already closing and it felt impossible to keep them up. His eyes were closing by themselves.“You all are in no shape to look after a sick person, I will wake you up if anything happens.” The old one reassured him.“I…” Billy could only nod while he himself was lowering down beside Steve. He didn’t understand anything that was being said next. He kind of just passed out. The old man just covered him with a wool blanket.Mr Carlson was left alone at the end of that strange day. He caught himself staring at each one of those young siblings. He couldn’t quite believe what had just happened. He had been looking out the window to see what the new blizzard was about, if it was strong, if it was bringing snow, or ice, or a freezing wind. He had just had some good soup with some deer meat, he had taken off the heavy boots in order to put his feet near the chimney to warm the old limbs up. He had been about to fall asleep on an armchair. Then, suddenly he had started to pick a strange light coming from the middle of the snowstorm. It was impossible, he had thought he was going mad, because everybody had left that unlucky village, out of fear for the national alarm. The more time passed the more the light was coming closer, he had started to dress up and got out the old rifle just in case he had to use it. He had always been good at shooting, and since the shutdown of every supply from any store, he had started to go out hunting more often to get some supplies. If the lights were from some kind of enemy he was ready to kill anyone, in fact he was used to the weather and he knew the place like the palm of his hand. Soon the lights had become more clear and it had been obvious that it was a car. He was ready. He had gone out with the conviction that he had to use the old gun to protect himself. He would have never thought to find a bunch of kids, not nearly the age of majority, that had traveled so far till there, in such weather. He had been suspicious at first, it had been obvious they were from far away, the accent was completely different from his. Yet he had to admit they did have some guts to get till there. He had been worried seeing how young and tired they all seemed, he had seen their faces, so juvenile and scared. After the first impression, he had finally posed his eyes on the older boy, he could tell he was in a bad shape. The whole company was in a sad condition. In a few seconds all his concerns had melted. He had felt the urge to help those unlucky kids. Mr Carlson stayed up all night, look after not only Steve, but all the kids that often got themselves uncovered while turning in their sleep. Billy often woke up, he opened one eye to check if everything was ok, yet Mr Carlson could sense that the boy was worried about his mate. Mr Carlson didn’t say anything, if not:“He is fine”or“It’s under control” He more whispered it fearing he would have woke the others up.Then the blond would close his icy blue eyes and fall asleep again. On the other hand Mr Carlson was constantly trying to make the night as comfortable as possible for the sick boy. The fever wasn’t going down and the old man was getting impatient. He had had many fevers himself, since living in Alaska means taking some risks in counts too. He knew it could take days for it to finally break. However he hoped to touch a colder forehead everytime he checked. Steve neither improved nor got worse, yet even if he had been stationary for many hours the temperature was too high for the old man’s liking. The night felt long, longer than Mr Carlson would like to admit. He was getting old, he had to recognise it. He had been putting some wood in the stove, when Billy woke up slowly. Outside some light was coming from the snow on the windows, it was still dark, but it felt like the blizzard had finally passed. Mr Carlson thought of his own little house, it would be completely frozen and inaccessible if not after many hours of shoveling the snow that accumulated that night. Not that they needed to do it too to get out of that house anyway. He sighed thinking he would be able to enter only in the late afternoon. “How are you doing boy ?” Mr CarlsonBilly slowly turned to stand on four, he then took his hand to his head as if he was having something like an headache.“Yeah, I’m better… How is he ?” The blonde turned to watch Steve’s still form. “The fever hasn't broken down yet, but he didn’t get worse either” Mr Carlson answered while sitting on a wood chair. Billy made a grimace in response.“We need to wait for him to fight it back.” He explained.“What if he can’t ?” Mr Carlson almost didn’t hear what Billy said.“What do you mean ?”“Nothing…. it’s just…” The boy sighed, he didn’t know how to continue. “He has been through a lot lately…” The old man shifted his eyes from Billy to Steve. It felt incredible that they were the same age. He wondered what he had meant by that, and what adventures they had to undergo while reaching Alaska. He wanted to ask, but the time seemed too raw and anappropriate to do such. “I’m sure he can do this, I’ve seen many have this kind of fevers from exhaustion, cold or stress… we can try to cool him down with a cold cloth, it usually helps.” “Yeah, we should do that.”There was a silence moment where nobody spoke, not that there was some tension in the air. But both males had their own thoughts that kept them far away from each other and that room. The silence was articulated by the heavy breathing of Steve and the little moans of the kids that had started to have a lighter sleep.
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Slowly the kids started to wake up, everyone was still tired, but they all had slept well. Regaining energies takes time so it was more than normal to feel
drained. “Goodmorning” Lucas yawned. “Morning” The others answered. Billy had been looking and checking Steve up, while the old man had been busy with the fire. “How is he ?” Dustin’s voice trembled. Billy looked up to meet Dustin’s eyes. “He is better, but the fever won’t break yet.”There was a sad silence that filled the room. Mr Carlson seemed to notice the sudden change and so he speaked:“It’s a good news for now Kid. Your friend had a lot to go through, I’ve seen many come down with fevers because of the cold or the exhaustion. Give him some time and you’ll see that he will get better !” He said in a comphorting voice.“Thanks” The little kid said.“Ok… I think you haven’t eaten properly in a long time… I can fetch you some vegetables and some meat too. Then I’ll be off in my own house to catch some sleep myself.” The old man said while standing up from the stove. “Thank you a lot Mr Carlson. We are in great depth with you !” Billy sincerely said.“It’s ok, I am happy you survived till now.” He started to walk out, highly aware of the five pairs of eyes that were following him. “Oh right ! Keep putting some wood now and then in the stove or the fire will extinguish. There should be more wood in the back of the house, anyway the one here should be enough for today and tonight too.” He pointed at Billy. “If you want, I can give you now some food.” “Yeah ! Sure, I’m coming.” Billy said. They put on some jackets and started to open the door, a quite big amount of snow fell back inside. The californian grimaced at the sight, he still preferred hot weather big time. They had to climb out, helping the uneasy steps with a snow shovel. They were both out of breath when they finally reached a big cabin at the edge of the forest. “You know that I didn’t call you out just for helping me with the food, right ?” “I suspected you had to tell me something that it’s better that the kids don’t hear…”“You are right…”“So, it’s about Steve ?”Mr Carlson sighed. Suddenly to Billy the man seemed incredibly old, as if he had been left alone for a long time. “Yes, I don’t know how to say this… but he is not looking good. I’m sure he will wake up, however when he took the medicine I don’t know for how long he had been in such a state… and more than ever how long with such an high temperature.”Billy listened carefully, not knowing what to say or too scared to ask a bad question. “What I’m trying to say is that, in those conditions, it will be hard for him to get back to how he was… for what I know you share the same age, and I bet he wasn’t much different from you in health.”“Yeah, he had always been fine, from what I know…” Mr Carlson nodded. Billy felt the pain of the memory of those long gone days, when Steve had been fine and healthy, and when all this cahos from the outside down hadn’t fucked up everyone’s life. “He will need a lot of attention, probably you already knew all these since you told me he had been sick for quite some time. Furthermore since he had been ill for so long it won’t be easy to get back to normality, his body must be in deficit and he will struggle to get out of this all.”“Yeah… he hadn’t been fine in months, and he just got worse little by little and then suddenly he…” It was hard to admit it. “He just collapsed, and before I knew it, there was nothing I could do for him to get better.”“It’s ok boy, you did what you could. Just keep him warm and clean. Probably you all should get a dry bath or something. Just to prevent some illness.”“Yeah, I will. Thanks for all the concerns and the suggestions.” Mr Carlson was really a great man, Billy thought.They entered Mr Carlson’s home, after many shovels. The house wasn’t big or anything fancy. There were two moose’s heads hanging on a wall. Everything screamed hunting house. Mr Carlson probably was a very autonomous man. There was a big wood table with some weapons scattered on top. He must have been repairing them or something, Billy thought. There was a big chimney that was completely extinguished, yet the house felt warmer than the outside. “I have a little greenhouse, so I have some fresh food for you. I think it’s been quite some time too since you ate vegetables and stuff like that !”“Yeah… Honestly we have been living on canned food.” He had to admit.“I can imagine how hard it must have been…” The old man confessed.“We nearly died many times… I guess we have some kind of lucky star…”“I see.” Mr Carlson wanted to question more about their story and how they escaped death, yet he understood it wasn’t the time and the place for something like that. If they wanted to share some information he wouldn’t have pushed it. “You have been living here alone ?”“Yes ! I grow vegetables, I hunt, I melt snow for water and in summer I go fishing and I probably live better than many others.”Billy was actually fascinated by the man. He was a new model he had never met before. A lone male that was completely self-sufficient in everything. He surely felt intrigued by the new man. He had never thought it could have been possible to live like that. It was true that Alaskians were a resistant and strong population. Well living in such an harsh place wasn’t for everyone. “Here, help me out !” Mr Carlson’s voice pulled Billy’s attention back. “I’m coming !”The old man gave him so much food that Billy was struggling to hold everything in just his two arms. Mr Carlson had warned him to not stay outside for too long since their clothes weren’t made for such cold weathers. Billy had never met a generous man like that. He suspected that he had given them even too much. Maybe it was because they looked all perished or maybe he just wanted to be as generous as he could and help them as much. It took him quite some time to get back to the new home. He was tired when he finally entered the little home. “Billy ! You are back !” Max welcomed him.“Yeah, sorry it took me so long, but walking in the fucking snow is hard.”“Don’t worry, we found some food here too !”“That’s good !”He looked behind her in search of Steve’s form. Mr Carlson’s words resonated back in his head. He was scared that he had underestimated the whole situation, which surely hadn’t been good in a long time. “You can make some breakfast, I have to look after Steve for a moment.” He started to melt some snow. Then he took Steve’s lifeless form and carried the unconscious boy in the little bathroom of the house. There were some towels that he immersed in the warm water. He could feel the heat that the brunette’s skin was emanating. He wished it all could actually stop for a moment and he could have the Steve he had always known back. The sight of his companion wasn’t a pleasing one. He was skinny, far too skinny for Billy’s liking. His skin, almost translucent, was trasparing the veins, the tendons and the bones underneath. His breath felt shallow and heavy. Sometimes his face contracted with pain, yet he always returned back to that lifeless staticity. Billy was quick to wipe the boy’s torso, either for readiness or more because he couldn’t stand the view any longer. He went for the legs that were less than half of his. No muscles were attached to them. He started to wonder how much he had actually lost in terms of body mass. He missed those “fights” they had been having in the basketball field, it had been something he had been looking forward to secretly. Looking back now at those days seems so far, almost a different life. No it had been a different life for sure.
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Billy fell into his own mind when he started to clean Steve’s long hair. It felt strange to touch them, so long and so soft. They had grown so much since they had to run away from Hawkings. Billy couldn’t resist but to caress the brown strands. Thinking back, Steve had always been on the long hair side. Not that it wasn’t fashionable, on the contrary, many boys had started to grow their hair out. Billy had never thought about growing hairs, that was a thing for girls. He secretly hated girls with short hairs because it was more a boy thing. Yet he had to admit that Steve, even if he was in such conditions, was beautiful with them. “When he wakes up, I’ll ask him if he wants to cut them.” Billy said to himself, while giving up on the thought of those long shiny brown hairs for himself. When he was done, he carried the other back in the main room of the house and he settled him downright in front of the stove. The fever showed no signs of going down. “The bathroom is free to use, we should all get ourself clean !”“Oh, thank God ! I can’t stand to be like this no more !” Max exclaimed, pointing at herself. “We need to melt more snow to get some water.” Said Lucas.“Can we finish breakfast before ?”“Yeah and after it, I’ll go out to see if we have some stocked wood in the back of the house. Max, Dustin, you should look after Steve when I’m out. If anything happens, and by anything I mean anything ! Just call me and I’ll come right away.”“Yeah ! Sure.” They both replied.“What can I do ?” Asked Lucas.The kid was looking at Billy with great hope in his eyes. The blonde soon realized the need of feeling somehow useful for the kids. Probably he had expected to be called out for some kind of duty. “If you feel like it Sinclair, you can help me figure out how long it will last the wood we have here and then we can check the back together !”“Sure thing !”Billy looked back. One, two, three…. there was a noise mouth missing. He took a better look. Mike was there almost hiding himself in the darkest corner of the room. He was there, but he really wasn’t. His eyes were fixed into nothingness, his face emotionless, lost in his thoughts.“Mike, you ok ?” Billy asked as gently as he could.The kid seemed to regain some awareness, he had fallen down from his own open eyes dreams. All eyes were fixed on him and Billy could read how uncomfortable he felt in that moment, almost in distress.“Mike, is everything ok ?” Billy asked again, approaching him.Max seemed to grasp the sudden tension and she flew taking with her the other two boys, who were more clueless than ever.“Hey, if you are not feeling good, you just have to tell me. We have been through so many things that it’s more than normal to feel drained… Sleeping on a car with such a weather is not good for the health. If you feel sick, don’t be scared to say it out loud.” Billy was trying his best to make the raven little boy understand that he was not judging him, but was worried that he might be hurt or something.“I’m fine…” His voice was completely numb. Mike sighed.“Are you sure ? Are you hurt somewhere ?” Billy insisted.He needed to know if something was wrong. He felt completely responsible for all of them, even Steve. “I said I’m fine !” Now the tone was more harsh, as if he was angry.“I just wanted to make sure that you were ok-” Billy was cut off from Mike.“Oh ! So now you feel obliged to check up on me ? When you never ever gave a shit about any of us ?”“I’m trying to do better…”“If it wasn’t for you Steve wouldn’t have versed in these conditions ! We wouldn’t have been in such a place !”“Mike… I’m sorry, I know I fucked up, but I’m here now and I’m trying !”“It’s all your fault ! I hate you and I hate Steve for being so stupid not to blame you !”At that moment Billy's eyes widened. What was happening ? What had he done again ? No, he had done nothing, he was trying to be better, to do better. For them, for Steve, for his mum too. He felt his breath caught in the throat. Did he change ? Was he becoming a better person ? He had thought that maybe, maybe he was now seen in a different way… Yet reality always made him come back to the hard knowledge that, even if he was a different person then before, people would always see him as the bastard. This realization hit him hard. In that moment Max came back in, she was being held by both Dustin and Lucas that were trying to calm her down.“Fuck you Wheeler ! Who do you think you are !?!!” She was furious.Billy held back a hand as a sign to stop. She fell quiet.“It’s true what you say. Yet I’m no longer the guy I was a few months before. I am doing everything that I can to help us survive. Everyone is doing their best. Steve almost killed himself in order to drive us all safely when we were sick. If you want to play the blame game, then go ahead ! But if you want to do something about this whole situation… well it’s up to you.” He turned back and walked out.Mike kept the silence that filled the room right after. It felt like another type of coldness had penetrated the little house’s walls. Billy never expected to end up being the mature one himself. He had started with his own tragic story and now he felt so far from his own self from Hawkings or from California. That experience wasn’t only changing the kids, but him too. He could feel it in his heart beat. Something was different.Outside, the blonde could finally breathe freely as if inside had been holding in even his air. He put himself to chopping wood as soon as he found an ax. It didn’t pass much to Lucas to appear. Billy waved at him, not really into the mood of speaking. However after a few moments the kid started the conversation himself. It was rare for Lucas to start to talk on his own will, more than ever to Billy.“You said well before.” He simply admitted. “You need to excuse Mike, he is really in an hard position now…”Billy stopped his chore and straightened up to look better at the kid.“He misses El a lot and I think… well he is losing his shit a bit. When he is under stress he usually reacts like that…” The kid continued.“I see.” Billy cut his own tongue. He disliked these types of conversations the most. “I believe he needs to have some time alone to reflect better on the situation we are All in… it’s not like he has it any harder than any of you…”Lucas didn’t actually know how to answer that. Billy was right, all of them had their own problems and their own dramas. He had been missing his family a lot, even his noisy sister that didn’t let him do homeworks. Yet he had to admit that now he was regretting those moments where he could feel the warmth of his family. Not that he wasn’t seeing the group as a new family, but you know… it’s different. As much as he thought about it, he was missing all the boring family reunions that the family Sinclair had the tradition to have at least for the great celebrations such as Christmas, Easter and the various birthdays. The kid smiled thinking back at the sweet memories. However he was glad he had found a different kind of family with Steve, Billy and the others. He felt lucky. The same thought caught in his mind and he wondered why wasn’t Mike feeling the same ? Why wasn’t he noticing what all of them had been perceiving this whole time ? What was he lacking ? Was there something he could have done to help him out ?After some deep searching he said out loud:“Why don’t we do something for him ?”“Uh ?” Billy was confused by the sudden outburst.“Oh sorry, I was thinking how to make Mike feel better…”“Ok… Explain yourself Sinclair….”So Lucas started to explicate what he had come up with.When all the chores had been cleared, there was more wood for the stove thanks to the two outside, everything had been cleaned up thanks to Max and Dustin. Billy started to heat up some fresh vegetables and meat that Mr Carlson had given them that morning. “Max ! Look after the pot ! I’ll go check on Steve.”The brunette had been moved in the bedroom that surely had been of the parents that owned that house. The blonde stopped on the door frame. Steve looked significantly better, he was less pale and his face wasn’t so flushed as before. He slowly approached the bed, sitting on the side.“Hey pretty boy… time to wake up.” He gently shook his shoulder. Steve didn’t move at first, Billy was about to give up when he heard a stir. Soon he looked better. His eyes met those doe's and sweet ones and suddenly his heart jolted with happiness. He had been missing, no, craving those eyes of his.“Hey !” He said loudly, too excited to finally see him. “Hey… Steve.”The long haired one blinked a few times, probably confused about where he was and what was or had been happening.“Steve, how are you feeling ?”The sick one slowly turned his head to face the one who was addressing him.“Hey Steve, it’s me… Billy.” The Californian said, seeing the confused state he was in.“Bil-” He coughed.
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“Hey hey hey, don’t strain yourself ! Here have some water.” He helped the other lift his head and then offered a glass of water that was truly welcomed. Steve drank slowly while Billy was following his whole movements, scared he might choke on it. His vision was still blurry, it was hard to get his surroundings to focus. “How are you feeling ?”Steve looked around, Billy could see that his vision wasn’t focused because he wasn’t looking directly right into Billy’s eyes. It took a moment for Steve to find the right words.“I- I feel like shit.” Billy was surprised at the unfiltered answer he got. Usually Steve would lie about his health and Billy had just started to translate every word into something more realistic. He wasn’t expecting something so balanty from the other. Yet it made him smile, it meant that Steve was relying on him more without putting a mask on or a wall to hide behind. “You were out for two days… your fever wouldn’t get down.” He had to admit to himself that for a moment he had feared he would have actually lost him to it. Thankfully whatever Mr Carlson gave him had made some effect. “Where are… where are we ? The kids ? Did something happen to the kids ?” Steve started to agitate and tried to get up, just failing miserably.“Hey hey calm down, ok ? Everyone is fine and kicking more than you for sure ! You don’t need to worry.” He helped the other to lean back on the pillow.“But… we ? We arrived in Alaska ?”“Yes, we are in a safe place now, we are a few miles away from the border. We found this house that fit us all properly. We all have a bed.” “Oh..” Billy felt the relaxing that got Steve’s body after those words. “That’s good.”The brunette closed his eyes as if he didn’t need anything more at that moment. “Hey don’t fall asleep on me again ! I need you to eat something, then you can rest more.” Steve wanted to protest saying that he was just tired and that he just needed to sleep a bit more, but he didn’t have the energy to argue. He could only watch Billy’s form disappear somewhere in the room or outside of it.In the main room all the kids were looking at Billy as soon as he came out of the bedroom.“Did he wake up ?” Max asked full of apprehension, her eyes full of hope. Dustin right behind her.“Yeah, but he needs some quiet, he still has a fever…”Everyone let out a sigh of relief. Hargrove came back with a plate of soup in his hands, the little moment he had been out had felt like ages to Steve, who was struggling to stay awake.“Here, let me pull you up.” The blonde tucked his hands under his armpits pulling the smaller boy in a sitting position, after placing other cushions on the back. He placed a wooden tray with the food on. He gave a spoon in the hand of the other, the cutlery just slipped from the unresponsive hand. Steve’s mind was trying to grasp what was happening. After a few attempts he tried to take some liquid, but he was too weak. Billy watched as the other was having an hard time even to lift his own arm. At some point he just couldn’t keep on watching how helpless Steve was.“Here, let me help you.” He said simply taking the spoon from his hand.“I-I can do it alone…” He said while his head kept on lolling as if it was too heavy to keep it on.Billy silently watched how hard Steve was trying not to lose his face in front of him, but he just wanted to help.“You don’t have to feel embarrassed…. I know that you would have done the same for me.”The brunette turned his head slowly, breathing hard as if he had been working out. The blonde could see the signs of all those weeks of poor sleep and stress written all over his face. He looked so much younger and small. For a moment Billy felt the urge to hug him, as if he could make it up that way for all the pain and the strain on his body and mind. He sincerely felt bad for all the things that had happened, he wished he could have taken back some of his own errors, yet it was too late now.He mingled the hot soup a bit then he took an half full one and blew on it.“Here, take it slowly.” Steve felt embarrassed, yet he wasn’t in any shape to move around or eat alone. Billy was really gentle while feeding him, he waited for him to drink and swallow. After half the food was gone Steve felt full, he was so, so tired. He just wanted to sleep. The Californian watched him carefully, he was indeed struggling to keep his eyes open and his bust up.“I think you can’t take any more than this…” He said; Steve was barely catching what was happening around him.Billy caught him before he fell down on the plate. “Hey ! Hey ! Just say it when you can’t stay awake anymore…” He smiled, it was almost cute to see him being so out of it that he was willing to let Billy hold him up as if he was a dool.Steve only responded with an hum. Billy chuckled in response, he honestly felt happy to finally have his smaller boy back. He went to sit on the bed beside him, helding the other up. Steve just let his head rest on Billy’s torso completely unaware of what was actually happening. Hargrove just stayed there holding the small one tight to keep him warm. Embracing felt just so right, as if all the problems and bad things could stay away forever. He swore not to let Steve be in such a state ever again. His mind drifted back to his mum, she would have been happy for Billy. She would have been enthusiastic to meet the boy he cared so much for. He felt reassured by those thoughts and kept stroking the other head. “I promise I’ll never let you be like this ever again.” It was just a whisper as if he needed to make those words real by saying them out loud. When Steve fell deeper in his sleep, the bigger male slowly leaned him back on the bed, tucking him under the tick covers. Then he slowly got out, not before taking a last glance at the other. He sighed a sigh or relief, he felt better mentally and physically. In the main room he was welcomed by four pairs of eyes.“He fell back asleep, let’s try to keep a low voice, ok ?”“Did he say anything ? How is he ? When will he wake up again ? When can we see him ?” Many questions that Billy didn’t know how to answer. “We just need to wait for him to get better, now let’s have some food !”When Steve had woken up, the blonde had wanted to ask so many questions, so many things that were still unanswered and that he didn’t completely understand. What was really happening to Steve ? He hadn’t understood what the brunette had meant when between gasps he had confessed that the upside down had infected him. That it was in his head. Billy was more confused now. Yes, Steve had been completely out of himself, probably he was still unfocused because of the fever. Still Billy felt like he was burning inside to know. To know what ? He had no answer to that either.In the late afternoon when it was already dark outside, Mr Carlson came back to visit them. He brought many things with him like food and supplies. The kids all welcomed him with joy, they had all changed faces after a good night rest not in a car. The house had become warm enough to use every room. Billy had helped make the beds and everybody was excited to finally pass the evening in a real bed. Max and Lucas had taken the top of the two bunk beds, while Mike and Dustin had chosen the bottom ones. Mike was still having an attitude towards everyone, and soon after dinner he had left the kitchen to go lay in his bed. The other three kids were more active and a sort of euphoria had spreaded into them. After so many weeks of non stop moving, they were finally free to be happy and enjoy some good time. Billy was pleased to see them more active and behaving like kids, as they should be, not as if they were in war. They had started playing something they found in the house, but soon their interest lowered so when Billy told them to go to sleep, they didn’t make much resistance. “Com’on that you will be sleeping in a real bed tonight !”“But I wanted to stay up a bit longer !”“Com’on Maxine, you know you are about to fall asleep here.”He went into the kid’s bedroom, he wanted to assure them before leaving to talk a bit with the old man that was patiently waiting for him in the main room. Steve used to do that, when he wasn’t sick, so Billy almost felt the urge to do something for them too. He bumped his hand with Lucas’s one, messed the hairs at Dustin, the kid loved that because Steve always used to make that move. Then it was Max’s time, he squeezed her hand.“You doing ok ?” He asked in an affectionate way.“Yeah…”“Sleep tight !”“Billy”“Yeah ?” “Thanks”He was taken aback by the sudden confession, Max had grown attached to him during those horrible months. He was glad to have her.“Whenever you want !” He smiled and she smiled back in the dim light.Then it was Mike’s turn, but Billy could still feel the argument they had a few hours before. He was about to approach him, but something felt wrong. The kid really hated him, what he couldn’t understand was how he could hate Steve so much after all he had done ?He left the room silently, closing the wooden door. Mr Carlson was there in front of the fireplace, his face illuminated by the orange yellowish light letting Billy see how old and aged he seemed. Somebody would have said: worned out by Life.
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Mr Carlson was waiting for Billy to return. When the blonde emerged back from the bedroom he put another log for the fire. “These kids are so lively after a night in bed !” He laughed as if he was remembering something he didn’t say out loud. “Yeah, they seem reborn.”“Must have been hard to reach here… I still can’t believe you made it so far, with monsters too !” “It was hard, and if it weren’t for Steve, we wouldn’t have been able to come so far.”“How is he doing ? The kids told me he woke up, but that you only were with him.”“Yeah, I gave him a bath and after that he started to regain consciousness. Yet he was still out of himself, because of the fever…”“It’s better not to let the kids be around him too much, just for precaution in case he has some kind of illness, but this doesn’t seem to be the case.”“His fever is getting lower, I even made him eat some food.”“Be careful on what you feed him because his body is still weak, so better stay on liquid foods.”“I will keep that in mind ! Thanks”“Try to have an eye for him at night too, the house is still cold and he might not be able to keep an high enough temperature, so you might need to share some body heat…” He lowered his voice, not wanting to embarrass the boy.“Yeah I know, we had to do it before…” Billy didn’t want to specify, he still felt his heart pains his mind. “Be sure to keep him hydrated and give him the medicines. I’m off !” He stood up and headed towards the door. “You’ll be fine to go back alone on such a dark night ?”“Dark you say ? Here when there is the moon like tonight, you won’t need any type of light, the snow will reflect all the light you need to go back home !”Billy was surprised, when he looked out to send Mr Carlson off, he was shocked. The old man was right ! He couldn’t see the brightness from inside because the snow was covering the windows, so it felt like it was pitch black. He looked up to the sky, the moon was so bright that it was hard to see any star at all. It felt incredible that the sky was actually blue and not black. Before he had never noticed that during the night all the colors changed, but not in the way everybody thought, everything was different. Billy stood there for quite some time, contemplating the magnificence of the show that nature was offering him. Soon it became too cold to stay out like that, so he went back inside. Before going to the bedroom he put some more wood in the fireplace. In the bedroom he could outline Steve’s sleeping form. The bigger boy seated on the side of the bed, the other didn’t even stir. He stayed there watching or better listening in the darkness of the room, his breathing.“Thanks for waking up today… I really needed to see you.”He leaned forward to give a kiss on Steve’s cheek. Then he got up and changed into warmer and more comfortable clothes that they all found in the house, and used as pijamas. Their bed was soft and it really felt like heaven not to sleep on the floor. Billy, as soon as he covered himself with the thick blanket, turned to meet Steve. The smaller boy was warm, but during the night the temperature dropped really low and soon it would have started to freeze even in the house. The californian drew the other closer and sort of hugged him. Steve, feeling the heat, after some moments, subconsciously turned more towards Billy, who welcomed him. That really felt good, the blonde thought. He hadn’t had the time to savor those little moments of connection between them. Since all that had happened they had never had the time and the energy to spare something for each other. Maybe the only moment they had for themself was at Christmas, but that was now months ago. He wished to have had more, even because sometimes he had just wished to stop the world to turn, just to be able to give Steve some space, some time to rest and recover from himself. Steve really had a low self-esteem. Sometimes he was scared of how depressed and desperate he sounded, even when he tried to cover it up. Maybe the kids were fooled by all his facade and masks, but Billy had started to see right through him and his lies. It didn’t take him much time to fall asleep, he was tired too.It was really late when Billy started to wake up in the middle of a strange but pleasant dream, you know when you get those dreams that you have no idea where they come from, yet they have such a good atmosphere that you end up enjoying them anyway. He was pretty sleepy so he didn’t understand what was happening. However, in a moment he understood that Steve was the cause of his sudden alarm. The poor boy was moaning in pain, turning in the bed, all curled up. He was clutching or better clenching strongly his abdomen. Billy stood up in the bed to hold Steve by the shoulders and stop him from moving so much.“Steve ! Hey Steve !” He tried to shake the other, but the smaller boy was in such pain that it didn’t faze him.“Fuck !”Billy hadn’t expected such a reaction to food. Yes, he had been starving for quite some time now, but he had just a few spoons of soup and he couldn’t stand that too ? He felt powerless and sad.He got up to look in the bathroom for the medicines that Mr Carlson had brought him, with the help of an electric torch. As soon as he was out of the warm covers he felt how cold it was late in the night. When he found what he was looking for he tried to pour some water only to find it had freezed in the bottle. “Fuck !” He swore again. Alaska was full of surprises.He went running in the kitchen to find the fireplace completely burned out. He frantically started the fire and put a kettle with ice on the stove. The sparks soon came back to life and the newborn flames started to devour the wood. “God, it’s really freezing here.” He remembered how Mr Carlson had warned them about bitefrost and its consequences. A few minutes out in the cold without the right protection could have meant certain death.He wanted to make it as quickly as possible, not only because in the rush he had forgotten to put on socks or anything and the floor was really cold, but also because he wanted to give Steve the medicine as soon as he could.As the ice started to melt, Billy warmed himself up near the crackling fire. When there was enough water in the kettle, the californian took a glass and poured some in it. He rushed back in the bedroom where Steve wasn’t trashing anymore, he still was in pain, but too weak to move. “Steve, hey I have something for your stomach ache.” He whispered while straightening him up, in a more comfortable position.The other just whined more. Billy could see he was half awake, but not completely conscious. Maybe the fever was taking a toll on his mind too.“Please, just take this and you will feel better !”“Mmmm” The other couldn’t even speak.Billy had to press the pill in the other mouth, but water ? Steve was completely unconscious and the blonde was afraid that he might have choked on it. He had to act quickly, so without thinking too much he drank the water and kissed the brunette forcing the liquid inside. The other was obliged to swallow. Billy felt relieved to feel the gulp. Then he climbed back in the bed and laid back down next to Steve. The smaller boy was a lot colder than before, so Billy moved closer next to him to share some warmth. The brunette was still whining a little, probably exhausted from all the trashing and the pain. If you guys know real physical pain, you will know how much it absorbs energy and how tired you grow after the adrenaline is gone; how much you need to sleep and how hard it can be to deal with it all by yourself. Billy didn’t know all that, he just wanted for Steve to get better as soon as possible. He knew that it would require time. He hugged tightly the other, who had fallen back into deep sleep. Billy could still see his sweat beaded forehead from all the weakness. He stayed awake to listen to Steve’s breathing, he tried to regulate his own breath to his. Yet he was too agitated to do so. He hugged the other strongly and Steve lamented again. Billy moved his big hand down Steve’s torso on his sickly concave abdomen. He knew he was warmer and that the long haired boy needed that so that he could get better sooner. It felt bad to touch all those ribs and flesh even under the thick winter clothes. How much he had lost ? He kept his hands in place while the other slightly moved towards the newfound warmth source. “Please, get better soon, I-I need you to be better. I can’t do this alone.”
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The night was quiet after the little accident, Steve slept soundly, no signs of him being in pain. On the other hand Billy struggled a lot to get some sleep. He had tried to keep an eye on the brunette, but he was tired too, so when he was about to fall asleep he tried to wake up again. At some point he just fell asleep again, only to wake up in the middle of morning. He blinked a few times, still tired from the night before. His brain had always been slow as soon as he woke up, you could say he wasn’t a morning person. To his surprise Steve was still there, curled up to him, taking all the warmth. The blonde thought it was a cute view. Steve looked way better, he had regained a more normal color. Billy really didn’t feel like getting out of bed. It was cold outside and the blankets felt so soft and comfortable. All in that moment felt perfect, like a magical spell had been put on. Unfortunately the spell was soon broken, he heard Max and the other kids in the kitchen doing God knows what. How late was it ? Did he really sleep in ? He surely didn’t feel like that. Grudgingly he started to straight up. He got out of the bed, and covered Steve tightly. Then he changed quickly and walked into the main room. He found Max and Dustin trying to boil something on the stove, while Mike and Lucas were putting more wood in the fireplace. As soon as he entered everyone looked at him as if he had grown two heads. “This is a great way to say Good Morning !” He joked.“Sorry we heard that yesterday night you got up, and we figured it was because Steve wasn’t feeling good so we let you sleep !” Max explained. “How is he doing ?” Dustin asked, yet everybody looked at his lips to catch the answer even before it was spoken.“He is better now, don’t worry, he will be ok sooner than we think !”Dustin seemed relieved to hear those words, the kid had an high expectation towards everything about Steve. Billy knew the kid felt as if the other boy was his brother. It was obvious to everyone that they shared a non-blood bond, something that was invisible at first sight, but that ran deeper between the two. “So what are you guys having for breakfast ?”“Mike made some Eggo’s we had in the car, and we were trying to make…. tea, maybe ?” “What matters now is that you didn’t set the house on fire !” Billy admitted. Everyone laughed and soon the atmosphere was back to a normal level. The morning went on smoothly, the kids were doing some chores all around the house, so that was keeping them busy. Mr Carlson was helping by explaining some tricks about how to live into a wooden, old, Alaskan cabin. Billy felt more relaxed, Steve was still sleeping, his fever had almost completely subdued. The sky was clear, it seemed like a spring sky even if down on the earth there were many feet of snow covering everything. After Lunch Mr Carlson offered to take the kids on a little stroll around the small village, a few hours for Billy to have some peace. All the kids felt enthusiastic about exploring the new place. Mr Carlson had explained that it was important to know at least the perimeter in case they found themselves in the middle of a snowstorm. Billy was taking a nap near the stove, when he heard some coughing coming from the bedroom. He got up quickly to check on the other boy.“Steve !”The brunette was moving in the bed, he was about to wake up. Billy seated down and scooped him up to let him breathe more freely, ready to give some water in case. Steve coughed a bit more and then he started to wake up.He blinked so many times since the light in the room was blinding him. Billy kept talking to him as if he was following his voice, yet his ears didn’t register a single word. Slowly all his senses started to function as they should. He looked up to get a glimpse of the blonde. Where was him ? Where were they ? Was it a dream ? No, a dream didn’t hurt so much. “Hey, don’t strain yourself !”“Eh ?” He didn’t hear his own voice.He was so confused, his head was killing him, he felt weak and frastornated, having a fever for a long time sure can make you like a ragged cloth. He tried to move, straightening up made him feel nauseous. It took him quite some time to gain back some composure to speak up again. “Where are we ?” “I told you, this is the house we found after we passed the border…” Billy was looking at him with a worried look. Oh right, Billy had said something similar to him before, Steve thought. Now his brain was functioning a bit more than before, his memory was slowly coming back. He remembered their conversation, he remembered Billy explaining to him they were finally safe, and… Wait. He had been warned, El had warned him about… about himself. How could he forget about that ? Suddenly some painful memories started to flow back into his mind. There was a scene that suddenly resurfaced back into his confused mind: he had been on the floor and then suddenly Billy turned up in his vision, but then he tried to strangle him. Or better his body moved on its own to grab his neck. What had happened ? He was not safe to be around. He frantically started to look at himself, almost shocked that he was able to move. He started to shake.“Why didn’t you tie me ?” He shouted, his voice almost cracking.“Tie you ? Why would I do that ?”“Why ? I could hurt you or the kids !”“Steve please, you weren't yourself. You passed out right after, I truly don’t think you can do any harm in your current state…”“That’s not the point ! If I am not in control I don’t know what could happen ! I can be dangerous !”“Listen ! You have already been sick enough, I want you to get better and not tie you !”Steve didn’t know what to say, he was tired, confused and scared. “Please, I just want you to get better like you were before. You just need to rest and you will see that nothing will happen, you are not a menace !”“No ! You don’t understand !”“Please ! I know you ! You’ll never hurt anyone.” Billy snorted.“I know, I understand ! But you need to understand that I can’t control it !” He was agitated just by talking about this topic and now Billy was refusing the obviousness.“Steve ! You never did anything ! Don’t worry ! I’m sure you’ll be fine !”His mind was struggling to keep up with Billy’s thinking, maybe his brain was not working propely anymore, after all those migraines. Was he overreacting ? Was he scared for nothing ? Yes he never did anything to anyone of the kids, yet he was afraid of what ignoring the problem could lead to. Was he weighing too many consequences ? Did he miss something important ? Was he really able to stop himself during a crisis ? He wasn’t sure of that, but he really never tried. Usually he just loses consciousness during one, so maybe Billy was right. However he was terrorized about the possibility to hurt someone. What would have happened at that point ? Would he stop in time ? Would he get back himself and win over his body ? He was without answers.“I’m not worried about me ! I’m worried about YOU and the kids !” He voiced. “Us ?” Billy laughed at that. Steve watched with a petrified look. Billy thought it was a joke ? Was all this an unimportant matter to them ? To him ? “Don’t worry, we are better than ever ! You should only focus on yourself and on getting better !”Steve started to hyperventilate.“Steve, calm down, you will never do anything to anyone, I’m sure of it !”“You don’t know that !”“Hell if I know that ! You wouldn’t make a fly suffer !”Steve shook his head. He was on the verge of shouting out loud at Billy. The blonde put his hands on Steve’s shoulders in an attempt to calm him down. “Don’t worry everything is fine, you just need some rest and everything will go back to normal !”“No, that’s not possible… I need you to save yourself… and the kids !”“What are you saying ?” Billy’s voice was altered. “I could hurt you and I would never be able to forgive myself for it, you should run away and try to find a safe place !”“Run away ?! What the hell are you talking about ?”“Billy ! Please, listen to me !” His voice cracked at the despair he was feeling in that moment. “Please don’t make me hate myself even more…” He said while grabbing Billy’s arms and laying his head on the other’s chest.“Steve, you never did anything in your life ! You need to calm down or you’ll be sick again. You would never hurt anyone. You are not a bad person.” Billy took him by the arms forcing the other to look straight into his eyes.Something snapped in Steve's mind when he heard that he was not a bad person. What about Barb ? What about Jonathan ? What about Nancy ? What about his parents ? Hadn’t he been bad to them all ? Hadn’t he been a murderer ? A bully ? Some Bullshit ? A faliure ? Hadn't he already caused so many probles ? “You…” Billy tried to continue, but the other cut him off abbrutilly.“NO ! No! Don’t say that anymore ! You know nothing ! Y-You know nothing about me ! I killed a person, I should have saved her and she died ! And it's my fault ! MY FAULT !” “Steve…” Billy was actually scared to hear him sound so desperate.“I shouldn’t have left her alone, just because I was too busy with Nancy ! She was killed because of me !” He didn't realize he was actually crying. He was at loss. Billy had been petrified about the sudden confession. Max had explained to him about how the upside down and about Barb’s death started that nightmare.“Steve… whatever happened back then, it was an accident. You shouldn’t feel responsible for it. You did everything you could, and at that time you didn’t know about the danger and everything. You shouldn’t blame yourself.”“You can’t… can’t understand.” He said while staring at nothing.Billy felt angry hearing this. Why was everybody thinking as if he was stupid ? As if he was a kid that couldn't understand ? A stupid little kid. “Stop there ! There is nothing to say anymore, you just need to focus on yourself and on getting better, you owe at least this to the kids.” His tone felt flat and angry.“But-” Steve tried to keep his conversation up, yet Billy interrupted him.“No buts ! I need, no We need you to focus on yourself ! And that’s all !” He said and stormed out of the room, smashing the poor door behind himslef. Steve couldn’t continue. It’s hard to express how hard it was for him to talk or even think about it, and about what could actually happen. He felt frustrated. He had tried to make Billy understand the weight of his condition, but he suddenly realized how far they actually were from each other. What had happened ? Have they always been so distant ? Was an illusion the feeling that had started to grow in his heart ? For a second it felt like he was alone even if the blonde was right there, beside him, holding his hand. It felt like he had been left behind a long time ago, yet he had realized that only in that moment. He felt scared, no he felt terrified, that something might happen and he would have never forgiven himself because of it. He would have never been able to think of himself as a person anymore. Why couldn't Billy comprehend how important was it for him ? How dangerous was it to let him free like this ? Yes he was still sick and weak, but he couldn’t control the monster that was living inside him now. How could he ? If Billy wasn’t going to help him, who was going to save them from him ?
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Billy was mad. He had never been so mad before. How could he ? How could Steve say those things ? It was not only an insult towards himself but towards Billy and everybody else too. In a second the distance between them had completely multiplied, putting them so far from each other that it almost felt like they were back in highschool. As if all the things they had to live through those months had never happened. Had they always been like that ? Were all those close moments an illusion ? Had Billy dreamed for all this time ? The californian didn’t know. He was clueless, completely confused about what he was feeling now towards Steve. Was it hatred ? No, it wasn’t hatred, but more something like a despair that he was feeling. Maybe he and the brunette were incompatible. He didn’t know what he had seen in him before, but now there was just a person at loss. Steve was not himself anymore. Maybe he had changed too, without noticing. Yes absolutely the brunette had changed, and Billy had discovered a lot about him too. Yet this wasn’t a part of Steve that he would have thought about finding. He was insecure about himself, almost as if everything that happened had been read as his own fault. When it was obviously not ! But Steve surely wasn’t going to listen to him now more than ever.Billy wanted to scream, he felt like a fool. Yes, a fool to even think he could fall in love so easily with a boy. Not only a boy, but Steve Fucking Harrington in person. Yet as he already did before the person he had pictured in his mind was further different from the real Steve. He felt like he wanted to like the smaller boy, but it was too hard to love, even like, a person who hates themself. How could he hope to find someone that could understand him when he could hardly understand his own feelings ? What he had seen in Steve ? Now all those questions would have been left unanswered. He was a mess. They were both a mess about feelings. He sucked about understanding what he liked for real and what he hated for true. He knew that it was because of the mask he had created when his mother had passed away. But after so many years it was difficult to live without it, it was part of him and Billy believed it would forever. Then he had started to know Steve more and well it had felt like he hadn’t the need to use it so much when he was around the boy. However, now it hurt to think about those things. The blond felt as if he had started to grow attached to the smaller boy, only because he had felt the urge to survive somehow. Maybe it had been something out of pure need, a survival instinct more than love itself. How could he feel something towards a person who can’t even think about himself as a person ? Has Billy been blind all this time ? Has he been ignoring all the signs ? He had to run out of the room before he started to punch Steve in the face. He stormed out of the house with tears in his eyes. Boys don’t cry. He wasn’t sad, those were angry tears. He was sweating even if outside the temperature dropped low. The adrenaline he felt running in his body was filling his bad mood. He started to punch the air, he wished he had a boxing sach. Since it wasn’t useful enough, he threw himself in the snow and started to make a mess there too. White weightless powder levitating in the frozen air, completely in contraposition to Billy’s frantic meaningless movements. He stuffed his face in and screamed so that he could not be heard. When he finally calmed himself down, his limbs were cold as ice, his fingers red as if they were dirty with fresh blood. He sighed and slowly went back in the house. The fire welcomed him. The kids and Mr Carlson came back just an hour later. Billy was happy about that, because he had feared that they had heard his little vent. “So how was the walk ?”“It was fantastic ! It’s incredible how much snow a pine can hold up !” Lucas said with enthusiasm.“We even saw a deer !” Max exclaimed.“It was a Moose, not a deer !” Mike corrected her.They all started to fight about whether it had been a moose, the animal they had seen.Mr Carlosn giggling came closer to Billy.“It must be good to be young, eh ?”“Yeah” Billy shortly replied.“You ok kiddo ?”For a moment Billy almost answered No ! But he didn’t feel like telling the whole story of what happened between him and Steve. He wasn’t ready for it yet.“Yeah, just tired… Thanks for taking the kids for a stroll !”“They are so lively and very curious about Nature !”“I hope they didn’t cause any problems.”“Not at all ! It was a pleasure, I went fifty years younger with such a company !”Billy smiled, the man had been a savior for them all.“Ok ! I’ll return to my home, my fire is probably extinguished !”“Would you like to stay here for dinner, we can warm up something quickly ?”“Another time boy ! Stay warm and rest well !”“You too Sir !”The kids greeted Mr Carlson for minutes, before letting him go. Billy was grateful that they were so full of life that night, so that even if he kept quiet for the whole night nobody noticed or commented on it. The kids were still excited for the little adventure they had that they discussed about it the whole night. Steve didn’t come out of the bedroom. Billy didn’t go to check on him. The blond didn’t mention anything about the other waking up, because he didn’t want to be the one to say that to the kids. Steve was grown up enough to show up and tell them himself ! Billy wasn’t his babysitter or something. He was angry too, so there was no chance he would have done a favor like that for him now. Dinner passed and Steve was nowhere to be seen, still hiding in the bedroom Billy thought. It pissed him how the long haired boy was behaving. Was he a kid ? He was sulking. Fuck him, Billy thought. He couldn’t get the quarrel they had out of his head. Why do Steve have to think so pessimistically ? Billy couldn’t understand the way he was holding his thoughts.When the kids went to bed and the fireplace had been set, he felt a knot in his throat. He really didn’t feel like going into the bedroom. He was reluctant about the possibility of having to face Steve. Yet he couldn’t and didn’t want to sleep on the floor in the main room. He got his courage and opened the door. Steve seemed asleep. Curled under many blankets his little form was breathing. Sadness crushed down Billy. Maybe he was feeling like that because now he could break down as much as he wanted, while before if he let himself go, he would have meant death for himself and probably all of them. He sat down on his part of the bed, not facing the other, he sighed. He swore he could see his own breath. However it was a lot warmer than the previous days. He got himself unders all the covers. Both the boys facing the closer wall between them. It would be a lie, if Billy said he slept immediately. It took him hours that felt like ages to finally fall asleep. He had so many nightmares that he woke up many times. At some point he felt like giving up the bed and just went into the kitchen near the fireplace to find some peace. His mind fogged by the lack of sleep, his head aching for all it had been put through in those few hours. “You too can’t sleep ?”Billy was startled to hear Steve’s voice so clear, as if he had been awake the whole time. “I didn’t digest well the dinner.” Billy lied. No one of them turned to face the other.Some moments passed, and Billy had been sure the conversation had ended there.“I’m sorry, for making you angry, Billy.” Steve's voice was very sad.Billy didn’t say anything, he had nothing to say to that. Did Steve really think that this would make things up ? The other took a big breath.“I’m sorry for what I have said, it’s just that this thing is bigger than me and I have no clue on how it works, how I can stop it or…” He didn’t know how to continue. He sounded completely soulless.Billy didn’t know what to say. Steve took it as an hint to continue.“I am just worried about the whole situation… I’m sorry for everything. You did so much for me and the kids. I’m sorry Billy.” Steve slowly sat up.The californian could feel the others eyes’ even if the room was pitch black. It was very unpleasant.“I don’t want to talk about this.” He cut off the other, he didn’t want to do that conversation at that moment. Well probably there wasn’t a moment to do it. There was silence from the other side of the bed for some minutes, the blonde couldn't even hear the other’s breathing. “I’m sorry. Sleep well.” Steve said suddenly. Then he turned and after a few coughs he tried again to sleep.
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It’s superficial to say that Steve didn’t sleep at all that night. Not only because he was still astonished about the argument he had with Hargrove. No, he had the time to reflect that whole afternoon and he had come up with a plan. For what ? Well he was still scared about what El said about him and what he had done when he had been out cold and the part of upside down that was living inside his head, had taken over. If Hargrove wasn’t going to help and believe that he could do harm to them, then he would be the one to protect them from himself. How ? Well that was still a question hard to answer. However Steve decided that not sleeping during the night was the best option. He could take some breaks to rest, or have a quick nap during the day when everyone was awake and more importantly he could have been stopped. He still didn’t know if the thing living inside him could use his body as it likes or if there were some kind of rules. Rules, he needed those too. He needed to set some kind of norm that could make his mind lessen from the gravity of the situation he was living in. Someone says that the night brings advice. When the first lights of dawn started to appear the troubled boy had come down with a set of rules for himself:No sleeping during the nightNo sleeping, when there wasn’t Billy awake Never be left alone with just one or two of the kidsNever use in the presence of the kids alone, knifes or some kind of harmful instrumentCall Billy or Mr Carlson if he felt he was about to be taken overGet as far as he could if he was alone and about to have a crisisNever speak about this with the kids and more than everyone BillyAlways be positive and supportive for the kids and BillyHe understood pretty well what he was putting on himself. A weight that he alone had to bear. Yet, what could he have done ? Billy wasn’t going to cooperate with him, and the kids were too young to supply any support. The last thing he wanted was to be an added burden. Hargrove wasn’t believing what he was saying. The young company had already passed too many nightmares for that age to Steve’s liking. He wasn’t going to make anybody suffer because of him again. He swore to himself. He knew what he would have done if he just laid a finger on anyone. Things that had been long forgotten in his mind. Things that, some time ago, had started to pop out of nowhere when he had been left alone by the ones he loved and he thought were loving him back. That should never happen or he would have to... He kept repeating that to himself all night. It became like a mantra for him. When Barb had disappeared from his house, he had found the fact peculiar. Even so he hadn’t thought about a similar tragedy that subsequently revealed itself to be. At that time he didn’t know about the existence of the upside down. He was a completely different person, he probably resembled more Hargrove back then. He was arrogant, a bully and too confident. Now there was nothing left from it if not regret. He hadn’t been just that. No, no, those were just masks he had used in order to survive from all the abuse and the loneliness he had gone through his whole life since he had been a little kid. He knew he had behaved in those ways to fight the unbearable feeling that he had started to develop ever since he could remember, a sense of abandonment. His parents leaving their only son alone at home for months, his “friends” hanging out with him only for his money, his “girlfriends” frequenting him only out of popularity. All of them always left him alone in the end. He had started to tell himself that it was normal to be alone, and that it was very mature and masculine. Yet a sly voice in the deep of himself kept telling him: “You were Born Alone. You will Live Alone, and You will Die Alone.” It felt like his destiny. Everyone in his life had left him one way or another. He had fought the resignation for some time. He had found Nancy, and for the first time in his life it felt like he had found something for the rest of his life, something that could last. He couldn’t have been more wrong. She had left him more broken than before, even if he didn’t believe it possible. With the weight of Nancy’s hatred, Barb’s death only on his shoulders he had found himself completely abandoned. It had started to crush him down and only the afternoons spent with the kids were his only fresh air. His “family” wasn’t coming home even for Christmas or for anything relatively important like his birthday. When was that ? He could hardly remember it if it was even possible. He had no one. No one apart from the kids. Yes the kids had been a vibrant light in his long night that had been his life. Dustin was like a brother to him, the most sincere and selfless person he knew. Maybe they understood each other well since Dustin didn’t have a dad, and Steve couldn’t say to own one. The kid had suffered a lot like Steve did, so maybe the pain they felt had connected them. It somehow worried Steve though, was a connection only out of pity ? No Dustin wasn’t a false person. Still his messy mind was always finding new ways of screwing him up more than before. Was it just for the suffering that they felt good about each other ? He was afraid to ask Dustin, he might be laughed at in the best scenario he could figure. He was craving a cigarette so bad. Something to make his throat hurt and scratch as his soul was. He felt immensely tired. Was the world still crushing him down ? Maybe he was depressed, hell if he was, he knew he needed help. But who was going to help him now ? There was a part of him that scared him, some memories that could easily make him cry in an instant. He knew he should have been more careful since Barb’s death. However he has been struggling to live throughout every day. He had felt the changes in his heart too. Barb’s death had changed, no it wasn’t the right word, it had unlocked something in him that had never been used. It was pure hatred towards himself. He felt very much responsible for her short life. Even if he never knew her personally there were days he spent thinking and imagining her and how her life would have been instead. One time he had sat near the pool smoking for an entire day without noticing. Yet on other days he had to sleep on the sofa his mother had chosen for the living room, since from his bedroom’s window he could see the last place Barb had been seen. He rarely opened that window. It was a struggle for him. After Nancy had left him, he had started to understand better how he coped with pain. He needed to blame himself and make himself pay for what he felt he had done wrong. He was not proud at all to say he could feel the scars tingle when he felt at fault. No one knew about it, even Billy hadn’t noticed them. His skin was too pale to let anyone distinguish a scar from normal skin, now more than ever since his complexion had become so sickly pale. He had hid them well even in plain sight. The long sleeves, the basketball cuffs, even the watch could disguise them so well. It was another big secret that he hardly thought about, however he had to disguise them everyday. Maybe he was crazy to think he could pull this off again. He was so tired, but he had no choice, he would rather die before getting his troubles to others. He was tired of lying lifelessly in bed with a migraine already on his way since he hadn’t slept at all. He got up in silence to not wake Hargrove up. The other was soundly asleep, Steve stayed immobile staring at his form, he still felt his heart clench in his chest. However he had no reason to feel like they had been something. It had been an oversight for the both of them. It was really cold out of the blankets, he put on some thick pullovers that were on a drawer at the end of the bed. He searched for socks and pants too. He exited closing behind the door. The main room was a little warmer yet he felt his frame shiver even with that many covers. He approached the stove, it was still warm, but the fire had completely extinguished. He put on some wood, even though he had an hard time to light it. His hands were shaking so badly because of the coldness. When finally a flame appeared he let out a sigh of relief. He explored the kitchen a little, then bored as he was he felt the urge to go out, see what was out there. He put on a pair of shoes that he believed were Billy’s. He opened the door and… well the sensation was incredible. A buff of wind cleaned his face, ahead of him an infinite expanse of snow and pines. It was still dark and on the horizon you could have spotted so many stars. Just beautiful, for a second he forgot all his problems. He felt like running and he did. He was kind of happy, what he felt was joy. He stopped since his lungs weren’t sustaining his burst of life anymore. He didn’t notice the tears starting to form in his tired eyes. He wanted to scream, to shout, he wanted to make the world know that he was there. “I’m still here !” He said out loud to the wind.“I’m still here.” He repeated to himself, smiling. He felt less happy now, he realized how hypocritical he was. Yes, a complete silly one. Just a few moments before he had swore to be ready to end it all if something tragic happened again, and now he felt happy to be alive ? He was a total mess. He started to chuckle while crying. He was discouraged, could he really make it ? Really the darkness inside you can make you feel so small. He knew that he would take all he could bear, and if couldn’t bear something he would have taken the easy way out. “I am really punishing myself eh ?” It felt good to speak out loud with himself, as if he could understand himself better. As if he had another himself that would actually understand him. What craziness !“Yet thanks for this… it’s more than I deserve.” He actually didn’t know who he was thanking, maybe God ? Maybe something superior ? But at those times when the universe shows its beauty, it’s hard for anyone to deny that something isn’t there. He fell down on the snow, the sky was beautiful and so distant. He raised one hand as if he could trap into his bare hand some of the most shining stars. He used to do that a lot as a kid. It gave him courage somehow. “This is my last gift for you, Billy.” He said and opened the palm to release the stars.
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Everything felt beautiful, he sat there for three or four minutes. He was about to get back inside when someone interrupted him:“What the hell are you doing there ?!” Billy shouted, he sounded alterated.Steve turned back, Hargrove was standing on the doorframe visibly angry. The long haired boy got up, he felt a little sad to leave that place, but he was indeed about to freeze. He took a few steps, yet the ice was slippery and he fell face down. The californian stomped towards him shouting.“Are you a fucking kid ? Do you want to get sick again ? Don’t you care even a little ?”It stung to hear the harshness when he said those words. It was almost like they had been back in school. The blonde grabbed one of Steve’s arms while he was getting himself up, pulling him upright. It hurt to be yanked like that. However he didn’t want to let Hargrove ruin his peace just for that. He chuckled, he was really crazy.
Billy felt dumbfounded, was Steve making fun of him ? He let it slide, not without noticing the strange expression the other had on his face. It seemed like resignation.
They entered the house, Billy brought him in front of the fire.“Don’t go outside like that ! You should be more careful.”To anyone, who would hear the conversation, it would feel like Billy was somehow worried about the other. Yet Steve knew better, he simply didn’t want to take care of another sick person. He was still very angry at Steve for everything that had happened the previous day.“I can start breakfast, if you are hungry. The kids will be up any moment now, right ?” The brunette said not commenting on Hargrove's behaviour.“Do whatever you want, I will go out to take some firewood, we are almost out.”The blond left, Steve started to look into all the cabinets in search of food. He found many biscuits packages, even so he opted for some bread and jam. He was still preparing the table with plates and all, when he heard a scream.“OH MY GOD ! Steve !! You are all better !” Dustin was running towards him. Steve was almost on the floor, if he didn’t grip onto a chair. It was indeed wonderful to hear the curly kid's cheerful voice. He had missed him so bad.“Hey little champion ! Happy to see you !” He said smiling and messing the other hair, which was already messy since Dustin always trash during the night.“Steve !” That was Lucas and Max. “We were so worried about you !!”“I’m fine now, no need to worry anymore.” He smiled and that stinged quite a bit. He really didn’t want to lie to the kids, but it was for the best. It was the best for the best of them all. Mike came into the room too. They all looked so much better with some good night sleep.
They started to eat, everybody was talking and narrating what had happened since he blacked out. After a few minutes Billy came in with a great amount of wood, which he dropped near the stove. Then he went and joined them. Max and Lucas were non stop describing their trip outside of the previous day, while Dustin was watching Steve’s every movement closely. It seemed that the kid had noticed how skinny the older boy was, so it seemed like he was counting everything Steve was eating, which wasn’t really much. However Steve didn’t feel fond enough to eat as much as he wanted, he had quite enough of throwing up. They spent almost two hours chatting at the table. Suddenly the door reopened and an old man came in. “Mr Carlson !!!” All the kids said, Mike and Lucas when to greet the man.“Hey hey ! What’s all the commotion ? Oh !” He said when he spotted an unfamiliar face at the table. “You must be Steven right ?”Steve got up to meet the man. “Steve, you must be the kind Mr Carlson, right ? Thank you so much for helping us, especially the kids !” He said while the two of them shook hands.“No problem at all, it must have been hard for you all !”To Steve it was strange to be around an old person, his relatives were all in distant states or in Europe, so he had never had around people older than his parents, when they were around, let alone granparents. Honestly Steve had always liked old people, they had so many stories to tell you, they were always so calm and wise. He was happy to have someone like Mr Carlson around the kids. He and Hargrove couldn’t replace a parent-like figure. They were only teenagers, they had done their best to be present for all the four of them, but obviously it wasn’t easy. The old man was giving him good vibes. Surely he was and will be helpful to have around. The kids needed an older figure in all the chaos the Upside down apocalipse.
When the kids started to play a board game, he and Mr Carlson sat on the big sofa near the fireplace.“These kids are very unique !” Mr Carlson began.“Unique indeed !”“So, Boy ! How are you holding up ?” The voice was a little more serious this time. Steve was taken aback by it, he turned to meet the old man’s piercing sight. The long haired boy was tired, he hadn’t slept at all and his body was starting to ache. probably going out hadn’t been the brightest idea, yet the view of that sky, he was sure, would accompany him his whole life.“I’m still recovering, but I feel so much better.”“You were out for many days, your friend was very worried, took good care of you…”Yes, Hargrove had done so much for him and the kids too that Steve was now using the last strength he had to make sure he could repay even just a crumb of what he had done for them. He had unmistakably saved their lives more than once, and Steve would have never been more grateful for that. However he knew that now it was his turn to give his all for the sake of the group. “Yes, he is a very good friend, I’m in debt with him.”Mr Carlson gave Steve a pat on his back. The old man was very nice to be around.“You should still take it easy, it can get bad even for nothing, so be extra careful these days !” “I will stay inside and rest.”“That’s a good idea.”They kept chatting about many things. Steve didn’t know that Billy had been observing them the whole time, while Max was eyeing his brother.Mr Carlson went back right before lunch. The kids had asked him to stay, but the man had explained he needed to do things in his own cabin. Steve wasn’t feeling very well, passing the whole night high awake in case of an attack or a crisis, had really taken a toll on him. His eyes were closing on their own. He had almost fallen asleep on the couch fifteen times already. Mr Carlson, talking to him, had kept him awake somehow, but now with the warmth of the fireplace, it felt like being in a cozy bed. He really was tired. “Steve ! You seem to be about to fall asleep right there !” Dustin commented.“Yeah, go take a nap man !” Lucas agreed.“Oh, I might just do so…” He was too exhausted to deny it. The brunette moved his long hair, tucking it in the back of his ears. He got up, only to almost fall right back, yet he held his weight. Fuck, he really felt weak, the little escapade of that morning felt like ages ago. The kids, seeing him so unstable, had approached ready to catch him. He felt embarrassed about the situation. He was being watched as if he was a little boy or an old dying person. Yes, probably the second was the better fit for describing the feeling of the moment.
Nobody commented on his uneven steps, however he could feel them staring at him. He made it to the bedroom, his head spinning, he felt so cold and his fingers had started shivering. He sat on the bed and brought an hand to his forehead. “Fuck !” He was hot, too hot to be normal. He had a fever again.Probably Billy had been right to scold his behavior. Why was he thinking about him now ? He felt ashamed about being ill again. However it was only a fever, he still felt good, so nothing to worry about. Still he was really hoping that Hargrove would not find out about it, he would get even more angry, and Steve was really trying to make everything not to anger him more than he already was. He knew well that Billy was seeing him under a different light than before. There was nothing he could do about that.
The long haired boy tucked himself under many blankets, and immediately fell asleep with those sad thoughts.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
When Steve woke up, it was dark outside. He shifted weakly in the bed to get a better look at the window of the bedroom. It could have been early afternoon, because the sunset was right after lunch. However something told him it was in reality pretty late. He got out, his hand on his forehead, he had an headache. As soon as he walked back into the main room, artificial light blinded him.“You slept quite a lot !” Billy said.“I was tired…” Steve answered while slowly walking near the table. “I was about to come and wake you up. You missed lunch and dinner, and it’s bad if you get any skinnier than now. Eat some soup.” The blonde nonchalantly said.Steve sat at the table and looked around. The kitchen was a mess, surely it needed to be cleaned, but he wasn’t in the mood for it and his head was killing him. The dirt could wait for one day.“The kids have already gone to sleep… they said that you looked very tired and it would have been better to let you rest.”Steve was taken aback from it, he had tried hard not to show anything to anyone, especially the kids. Maybe he still looked sick, well he wasn’t feeling much better, yet he could handle it. He needed some time for his body to adjust.
Hargrove put infront of him a fuming plate of soup. It felt strangely refreshing to have something out of fresh vegetables to eat. He was halfway through the food when the bigger boy put next to a glass of water, two couple of pills.“These are for the migraine, these are painkillers and these are for the fever.”“I don’t have a fever.”“You had one for the whole day, I couldn't leave you alone for more than fifteen minutes… and you are still warm now. So you are taking these and no more going out.”Steve felt embarrassed about the things the other had just said, he didn’t know how to respond. Why did he have to be so vulnerable ? He was tired of being tired.
Hargrove sat at the table to watch Steve finish the food and swallow the too many pills. “Don’t go to sleep right now or you won’t digest anything laying down, and I don’t want to clean some vomit.”That was kinda harsh for Steve, however he knew that now there was nothing between them. They were… friends. But were they really friends ? Probably not even that. Not enemies too. They were companions on an unfateful trip towards the unknown. Nothing more, nothing less. “Then why is your heart aching so bad ?” A little voice in the back of the brunette head spoke, but he pretended he didn’t hear it. “How was the day ?” The small one tried to make conversation.“Nothing special, I would have chopped so much more wood if someone hadn’t decided it was a great idea to freeze outside in the snow…”Steve sighed. How many more times did he need to bring that stuff up ?“Listen, I’m sorry, it’s been so long since we just stopped to rest and look around that I completely forgot about what was happening around me.” He admitted.“You have too much of that ! You always live in God knows what clouds ! You need to get an hold of yourself. The kids need you more than you think. You should stop being stupid and selfish, you were sick long enough. Don’t you think ?” The blonde was screaming, Steve felt bad for the kids, who probably were listening to every word that was being said. “I know, I’ll be fine, you don’t have to worry anymore.” He really wanted to cut it short, he was not in the mood for another argument. He wished to get out of the room, but his head was hurting so bad because of Hargrove’s shouting. He stayed there, sitting, completely immobile, hearing the bigger one venting about his recklessness, not really getting what was being said. “You think it’s a game we play ?” Billy asked while looking right in the eyes Steve.“ANSWER ME DAMMIT!” He hit the table so hard that it made the brunette bones tremble.“You are right, I’ll do my best to get better soon so I can help you and the kids.” He said with a low voice. “You better not lie this time too” Billy said and went to look after the fire.Steve felt horrible, well he knew that he was an horrible person, yet hearing it being spoke out loud, was another matter. He had always doubted himself, all people in his life had been somehow fake to him. From his parents to his girlfriend, he had tried his best to offer the best he could. So when something had shifted in his depressing internal equilibrium, it had been a surprise to find out about Hargrove. He had had an hard childhood too, like him, so it had felt natural to become closer. However it had been only an illusion. Or so now it felt like one. He felt tears forming in his eyes. He cried silently, not wanting to be seen or heard from the other.After his headache settled a bit he got up, washed his plate and went to sit on the sofa where Billy was resting too. Some weeks ago they would have sat near each other, but now they were on the opposite sides. They stayed like that for quite some time, Steve was almost about to fall asleep right there.“Enough time passed… let’s go to sleep.” Billy said to break the silence. He got up and exited the room.Steve was left alone, he was really tempted to cry again, but he needed all his strength to get in the same bed as Billy. He waited some minutes so that he would have been sure not to find the other still up. When he entered the bedroom he could see the silhouette of the other turned with the back facing the door. Steve couldn’t see his face yet he could feel he was awake. He sat on the edge of the bed, passing his hands on the face and then on the hair, to make himself strong. He went to sleep, but he tried not to. He knew nothing good was going to come out of it, yet he had no choice, to be awake when the others were sleeping and were defenseless. He had to admit he fell asleep quite many times only to wake up every few minutes later, but hell, he was tired and his head felt heavy.
Billy’s breath wasn't constant for the whole night, the long haired boy could discern when he was having a nice dream from when he was having some kind of nightmare. When he was not having dreams, when he started one. It was strangely peaceful to listen to that rumor. It meant so much to him. When he had been in the Void, many rumors had disappeared and he remembered that complete sound stillness as a scary thing. Something that was not normal, something unreal, unnatural, something bad. In the house he could hear the other beside him, the rustling of the thick blankets, the creaking of the bed beneath him, the crackling of the fire in the main room, the wind outside. It was just different and very beautiful. It was long, yet he made it through the night. As soon as he felt Billy wake up, he let himself slowly go, his body finally relaxing after such a long time. It almost felt like he was taking a breath after holding it in for a long time unknowingly. That was his new routine.Days passed, days became weeks, and he kept his little secret routine. He had become better, gaining back some muscles, and some health. Only his complex hadn’t improved at all. His skin had a more grayish color, his eyes were always red, followed by big dark circles. He still had some paranormal phenomena around him: like when he got up and while washing his face he had saw the upsidedown in the mirror of the bathroom, or when he had another crisis when he was alone in the house.
For the rest he had gained back his “parental substitute” figure entirely. He even helped with chopping wood for the fire.
The kids were very happy about his slow recovery, they were much happier now that he was there to play D&D with them. Billy hadn’t shown much affection or appreciation towards him anymore, but Steve didn’t expect any after all that had happened between them. They weren’t speaking much if not strictly necessary. He had seen Mr Carlson confused about the mutated atmosphere, but never asked, nor commented on it with any of them. He was really a good man !
He hadn’t had any more crises, so he felt hopeful about the whole situation, yet his migraines didn’t disappear. Little did he know that the more was the calm before the storm, the more it would have brought destruction.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
That day it had been a nice day. He got up from bed, made breakfast, helped the kids to settle things in their bedrooms. They had made a mess with old and new clothes, and Steve had to come and sort things out in order to see which ones were clean, which dirty and of whom they were. It had taken him almost the whole morning. Usually he would have had a little nap to catch on from the sleepless night, but that day there had been no time. He could always disappear after lunch to rest.
When this inconvenience happened he always tried to avoid Dustin as much as possible. The kid had always had a keen eye to him. He knew they had a special bond between them, and that was why he needed to be extra careful when he was around him. The curly boy could see the tiredness hiding behind the smile, and that worried Steve. One day the little one had approached him with a serious face saying:“Hey Steve, are you really ok ?”For a moment his facade had faltered. He was certainly not expecting a question like that. But instead of choosing the truth, he did what everyone would expect him to.“I’m really fine Dust ! Don’t worry.”“I know, but sometimes you still seem…. How can I say ? Unwell ?”“Yeah sometimes I’m still tired, but I’m better and you don’t have to worry !”“It’s just that you sleep a lot and well, sometimes it looks like you are back to when we were traveling…”Steve didn’t know what he was going to say.“I know you are better, but I just wanted to say that if you need some help, I’m here for you. I know I’m still little, yet I want to be helpful like you were for me back at Hawkings or during the run…”“Thanks Dustin, I really appreciate ! I can assure you I’m getting better and you don’t really have to worry about me !”“It’s not only that… it’s that you don’t seem yourself, you are often thoughtful and gloomy, especially around Billy. I know you two are on bad terms now. I don’t really know what happened between you two, but it still bothers me to see you suffer so much when you two are in the same room.”
He didn’t expect the kid to have noticed all those small things. Well, they weren’t so small after all, if they could be seen by the kids too.“I’m sorry Dust, me and Billy…. well it’s complicated. I don’t know either, it’s just that we had a disagreement. I’m sorry to hear that you noticed this, I tried to hide it because you kids already have enough on your plate alone with me and Billy being silly !” He was saying the truth, he really tried to avoid spilling over the others his and Billy's problems and arguments.Dustin turned to look Steve into the eyes.“And… you are hiding something else ?”He felt the world crush him down as soon as the words came out of the curly boy’s mouth. Was it a question ? Was it an affirmation ? His heart rate started to increase, however he needed to stay strong and keep the calm face. “You don’t have to worry about anything Dustin, we are going to meet the others soon. You know Hopper and the others were headed here too !”“For real ?”“Yeah, I’m sure, I don’t know how much it will take them, however I’m sure you are going to see Will and El !”The kids seemed thoughtful, then he nodded and went back with the others. Steve had been left with many doubts after that conversation that it haunted him even in his sleep. Maybe he should have tried to convince Billy about the real situation, yet nothing made sense with the blonde now. They had stopped talking about it since that unforgetful morning, well they had stopped talking if not really necessarily. Being around eachother wasn't the same. It felt really awkward, especially when it was night time. Spending so many hours just listening to Billy's constant breathing and his sleep movements, always left his heart shaken. He wished so badly for things to get back as they were before, yet those times felt so distant and unreachable. He wished he could turn back the time and just wake up from this daily nightmare he was living. He knew that all that was is own fault.
Those feelings, he kept on trying to sink in his heart, kept resurfacing and haunting him during the night where there was too much silence for his thoughts not to be heard. Every morning he would fake to be asleep only to have some more instants to look at Billy without the other to look at him back in disapproval and dislike. It was almost like seeing the same expression of his parents when they came home from their long business or vacation trips. Maybe they were right to look at him in such manner. Probably they saw long before who he really was.
Steve was in reality more tired than he would like to admit, the constant need to keep up a face that was not his, was more difficult than expected. Having so many eyes looking at him all the time felt like an invisible heavy chain. He had made his own trap, but he couldn’t let his guard down. He needed to protect them, defend his new family from himself. Those were his only thoughts during the neverending days. They didn’t know, but he felt the danger that was living inside him, running in his veins, walking between them, watching them sleep, spying their every move. He knew too well that he could not lose control or it would have been a tragedy. After lunch he had been left alone with Hargrove in the house because the kids had gone out with Mr Carlson, who had joined them for lunch. The man was helping to distract the little group and do something more creative and educational apart from staying inside. He had even warned them about a big storm coming probably that evening or late that night. The old man had a long experience and over the years had started to understand the weather changes by a few information such as temperature, atmospheric pressure, humidity and some others. Living alone in Alaska had made him learn a lot of useful things.
Steve felt really reassured to have someone like him around the kids. He had felt uneasy since he hadn’t had his usual rest time in the morning. After lunch, a migraine had started to grow in his head. However he was not alarmed by it, it was normal to get this kind of problem when he could not have some time to sleep in the morning.
Billy was ignoring him, as usual, and was trying to fix a radio for Mike. They were not speaking, all you could hear were sounds of the tools working on the radio, the fire crackling and a knife cutting on a wooden board. He was chopping the vegetables that generously Mr Carlson had gifted them that same morning. He had been craving some time to rest and regain more composure, but he needed to finish preparing the dinner first. The migraine was starting to reach a very high level of pain, so he had decided to take some painkillers. Yet the effect wasn’t starting at all.The fact happened in a blink of an eye. He had almost finished the vegetables when a strange tingle started to run down his own right arm. The arm he was holding the knife with. Then in a few more seconds, he was not in control of his own body anymore. He was being taken by the upside down. It felt like someone had pulled him back from inside, as if he was a dool pulled by invisible strings. It hurt like he was being tugged and suffocated by the roots of the upside down. His body turned, and he saw what the creature inside him saw: Billy.
He felt his heart sink, his blood pumping in his ears, cold sweat running down his face. No, no, this was not what he wanted. No, he could not do this, he had been so accurate about his rules, he had had such a precise routine, such a well organized scheme that this was not supposed to happen. He started to take some steps towards the blonde, who was giving him the back, so he could not see the brunette approaching from behind. In a few moments he started to scream and shout for Billy to get away, to run, to get out, to move. But there was nothing to do for him. He had lost control upon his body. He was regretting his choice of not trying to convince Hargrove about the danger. He should have left them. He should have gone as far as possible, somewhere they could have not been able to find him, to put themself into the risk. He should have run when he had woken up before all the others. There had been so many times where he could have made an escape, a runaway, but he never did it. He knew he was going to lose the battle but he never thought that to be so soon.
He was using all the strength that was left in him to regain at least the control of the right arm. If he did that he had probably tried to kill himself right there only to save Billy. Yet the arm was not faltering. He was running out of time, he was three steps away from Billy who hadn’t still noticed him. He was crying. His body was now right behind Billy, his right arm started to rise. He was going to kill Billy at that rate. It all felt like a macabre horror movie with poor scenography and sounds effect.
Yet he had an illumination a second before the hit. If he could feel his cheeks getting wet, then he was crying in reality, that meant that the thing inside his head was not controlling everything, it had some leakings in some parts, and since he was concentrating very hard on the right arm, maybe he was not controlling the other parts at 100%. He had to try. In an instant he concentrated all his being on his own voice, and a miracle occurred:“BILLY!!!” He screamed on top of his lungs, his voice cracking as if he hadn't used it in ages. It felt like speaking with fire burning his mouth to do so. Yet the plan resulted effective.Hargrove turned just in time to shield himself from the fatal blow, however the knife had been swung and the blade did what it had been designed to do. It cut. The kitchen knife slashed right through Billy’s right arm, from the wrist to almost the elbow. The horror, the surprise, the disbelief in Billy’s eyes made Steve cringe. He would never forget that expression that was saying, better screaming: WHY ?
The poor boy didn’t have an answer for Hargrove, nothing could explain what had just happened. The clattering sound of the knife falling, carelessly on the floor, was not heard by Steve, who had no feeling all over his own body. All he could see was red. The blood that was coming out of Billy’s arm felt like a huge wave that was about to swallow him. Both of them were trembling all over. What had he done ? What had just happened ? It all seemed surreal. How could something like this happen ? He could only hear Billy’s screams of surprise and agony. The cut seemed long and deep, more blood was coming out. Billy fell down the floor on his knees holding his wounded arm. He was saying something to Steve, yet the smaller boy wasn’t able to hear what was being said. It took a few seconds, a few fatal seconds of distraction and everything had gone bad. He had just broken a very fine limit of his own unconsciousness that he felt something inside rip. He really was a monster after all. Hell he always been one. No matter how hard he had fought against the bad inside him, in the end he had almost killed Billy. He had tried to kill Billy Hargrove. It had only taken him a few seconds of not being in control to come to this: a possible murderer, a killer, a monster, a madman, a failure, a bullshit. A complete mess.
Nothing mattered anymore. In a few seconds he regained just as much conscience of his situation that he ran. He needed to run. Run away from Billy. Run away from the kids. Run away from the people he loved and whom he was a menace to. He could not protect them. Now he knew. Now everyone could see what he really was. How much of an evil, bad person was him. He really was a monster, now more than ever. The few instincts that were left in him made him move. He felt like a zombie, so lifelessly, as if something was moving him, and not the contrary. He needed to get out of there, get as far as he could, before something else happened and he tried to hurt Billy more. He couldn’t stay there any longer. He ran towards the door. He was really worried about Billy, but he could still be under the upside down influence. It wasn’t safe to stay there and to tent to the wound. He opened the door, and he found himself right in front of Mr Carlson and the kids. He looked at them in horror.“Steve !” Max greeted him.“Hey Steve !” Dustin waved at him.But their smiles faltered when they saw his expression and the blood drops on his clothes and his hand. The poor boy saw the disgust, the dreadful, the frightful expression that in a few seconds the whole group made. It almost killed him to see the kids looking at him in an appalling and fearful way. He wanted to scream at them that it wasn't his fault, that he had tried to warn Billy, to warn them about his problem. He wanted to lay there crying and have them hug him saying that everything was going to be ok. However he knew he couldn't be so selfish again. He needed to get away from there. Some screams of pain came from inside the house. It was enough for the group to divert the attention from him, for taking the opportunity to make a run for it. It was for the best for him to disappear.